honestly me rn after finishing The Call of The Void.

i cant not gush over this podcast its so so so good. throughout!

Writeblr Intro

(i should probably make one of these, shouldn't i?)

about me:

hi! i'm saran (any pronouns). i spend 99% of my free time writing, thinking about writing, making playlists for my writing, rotating my other obsessions in my head (currently jak & daxter; voiceplay; and motionless in white), and sometimes spewing those on my blog as well. this is my primary blog (i can barely keep up with this one, so a sideblog is not likely in the near future), so be aware that you'll see everything that spills out of my head/crosses my blog that i feel like sharing. if you're just here for the writing, that's cool, too! all of my original writing is tagged #my writing, and all longform works and snippets are tagged with their titles. i'm open to tag games, asks, and dms for anything and everything, even if you just need to talk 💜

about the writing:

i both read and write most genres, but fantasy and speculative fiction are my favorite (with a heavy dose of monsters and the paranormal, whether the genre otherwise calls for it or not). i write both original fiction and fanfiction. my main characters tend to be queer, neurodiverse, disabled, or all of the above. i write with an adult audience in mind (my writing has a tendency to delve into heavy topics, including mental health issues and societal commentary, and several of my stories contain graphic violence), so while minors are welcome to follow, i would encourage you to self-curate your experience. i try to tag anything potentially triggering, but i am human and sometimes miss things; if you notice anything that you think needs a tag, please do let me know!

general taglist (ask to be added or removed): @innocentlymacabre

find all the links and tags for my work under the cut:

the WIPs:

The Art of Empty Space (wip intro, tag)

Lienzo's search for a cure for his parent's condition entangles him in a years-old curse with an arcane beast at its heart. As he works to break the curse and free the city of Rookport, he finds an unexpected ally in the beast -- and, perhaps, something more. (subversive fairytale; paranormal romance; original fiction)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @notwritinganyflufftoday

Dead Roots, Dark Water (wip intro, tag)

After two years of genetic experiments at the hands of Haven City's Minister of Science leave him almost unrecognizable, Jak isn't as eager to go home as Daxter would have hoped. Daxter's rescue mission becomes a quest to undo the damage the dark eco experiments inflicted upon Jak's body and psyche -- and the only one who can help them is Haven's most beloved public figure, who also happens to be Minister Acheron's twin sister. (adventure; dark fantasy; dystopian; fanfiction - Jak & Daxter)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @sam-glade

the Short Stories:

A Haunted Home

A haunted house gets its latest in a long string of owners. Is it possible to have a QPR with a house? You're about to find out. cw: implied past domestic abuse

Bodies

The Belltown Butcher takes a trophy from each of their victims. Ness survived, but not before the Butcher took their prize. cw: referenced kidnapping, trauma, eye trauma

Loreley

A cartographical ship picks up a distress signal in the unexplored Groombridge 1618 system. Instead of the lost Kasandra, they find a seemingly-habitable planet.

I Am Alive

A group of friends breaks into the local haunted house for an All Hallow's Eve séance. It doesn't go as planned.

In regards to Kei's recent stories (and just his stories and him as a character overall), what do you think of how the writers handled his trauma and mental health?

It's clear that Kei is dealing with a lot of repressed emotions regarding what he went through along with his current state of mind and mental health. I think it's good he has Kaz and Yuzu by his side as well as the MC being supportive to him. The way I see how his story goes is that he HAS to confront the ghosts of his past in order to reach some sort of closure or at the very least learn to heal on his own. I think that's a great way for him to continue moving forward along with the MC.

But, when looking at his actions throughout the stories, it does bring some issues about how his trauma is dealt with and whether or not it's the healthiest way for him to heal or cope. Not to say the writers are doing anything bad or have any malicious intent, but I can see how some people would think that this kind of writing comes off as ignorant to trauma and mental health. No story should be absolved of criticism even if they are praised, especially ones that deal with trauma and mental health.

I can understand the praise his stories get for tackling such heavy themes and topics. But I can also understand the criticism for how the writers depict Kei's trauma and mental health in a way that may not be the best for him to cope with.

What do you think?

Hello!

There are a lot of things to be said about this, but overall, I think this story is very intelligent in its way of handling mental health and trauma. It's also the first time that I'm reading such a unique romance story that manages to make you ponder on the meaning of love so deeply, as we delve into Kei's world and the horrible truths that founded it.

I agree with you when you say Kei has to confront his past to reach closure and finally be himself. He’s even said it himself at some point, that he needs to finish things with his enemies and especially Caleb, the one who triggered his trauma in the first place.

Although I can understand the concern and criticism you mentioned about how his trauma is handled, I don't agree with it, and I'll explain why.

To help understand things better though, I have a few questions to ask to clarify things (only if you're willing to send another ask, there’s no pressure of course). What moments do you refer to when you say Kei's actions might bring issues as to how his trauma is dealt with, and about how the story can be seen as ignorant towards mental health? Could you give specific moments of his stories that would support these ideas? It's to help me understand what people (or maybe you?) are criticizing here.

Concerning why I disagree with these criticisms about the topic of mental health being written in an ignorant or imperfect way, firstly I have to say that I don't particularly read comments in the app or see posts about Kei, so I don't know what criticism from readers you are talking about specifically. Or maybe you're simply wondering if people would find this story troublesome. However, if readers did show concern over how his trauma and mental health is being dealt with, I'd say it's simply logical that he doesn't handle it in the "best" way since he has to overcome this on his own, and then along with his trusted friends and beloved.

It was specifically mentioned in the story that mental health professionals ran away from him because his issues are so deeply ingrained and difficult to comprehend that it just seemed impossible for them to help him. Needless to say that Kei’s position in England and at MI6 should give him access to the best of the best (elite) professionals, so if even these people can’t help him, he can only try to do his best on his own.

[SHE 2, Sacrificial Lover]

Among the things you said, I have to react to this sentence: "I can also understand the criticism for how the writers depict Kei's trauma and mental health in a way that may not be the best for him to cope with."

In general, most people who have mental health issues wouldn't know how to cope or overcome them on their own. Coping and healing from trauma is a process, and let's be honest, it's an ideal. Knowing how to cope with or overcome your inner demons is a bumpy road with many obstacles. There are moments of withdrawals from the healing process and sometimes people try methods that aren't healthy to get better.

I don't see how the story could be enjoyable and relatable if Kei did everything in the healthiest way possible as well. It wouldn't be realistic in the first place for him, since what he deals with isn't a trauma that's common to see or to experience. He is also depicted as self-sacrificial, which LITERALLY explains that he doesn't put himself first. In these conditions, why would people point out Kei's unhealthy behavior towards his trauma as if it was not to be expected? I believe it was intentional.

The writer actually did an awesome job of showing his flaws. If people disagree with the writing that depicts Kei's ways of coping with his trauma, then in my opinion they're simply looking for a perfect representation of how to deal with mental health, with no flawed characters, and they didn't understand the story and Kei's personality.

Kei's story is literally about him handling his troubles through blood, sweat and tears. The story is also about him running away from his past instead of facing it. He walks a path towards his Eden with the intention of resolving his issues of dissociative amnesia and of people linked to his past. Does he handle his trauma in the best way? No. Does it make sense that he handles his trauma in an imperfect way? 100% Yes.

At the end of the day, does Kei want to be freed from his trauma only for his own self and peace of mind? Definitely not. It’s for MC, and I would argue that it’s also for his loved ones. He wants to be "normal", and he has wanted to be that for MC. He wants to live his love but without the shackles of the past that hold him back. He also wants to protect MC from any more danger since Caleb could strike again. He can’t afford to be weak. So of course he wants to rush things, repress his emotions, and put himself in danger to keep others safe. That's the whole point of his story. These ss show this:

[SHE 2, Sacrificial Lover]

Instead of going through a slow, steady and healthy process of getting better, the man is speedrunning it all to finally live with the person who made him feel alive and experience love. He's desperate. It's bad for him, but it's a natural behavior, don't you think? Why would people criticize this representation of mental health for showing bad coping mechanisms, when this is exactly this sacrifice that makes this story so emotional? It’s also something he needs in my opinion. He needed to face everything once and for all, to finally be "normal" like he so wishes.

Honestly, and in my opinion at least, I find that in today’s era people often find something to criticize when the subject is about mental health. Not everyone who suffers from mental health struggles go through the same process and treatment. Kei's story shouldn't be compared to more common cases of people who go through and deal with traumatic memories in my opinion. He has a very unique and twisted past and has lived in an environment that not everyone with trauma has experienced. He has lived such a rough and horrific life ever since he was born. It’d be impossible for people to guess what he went through since it’s so specific.

Considering that, I believe it’s fair that Kei uses more "radical" techniques to calm himself. He’s mentally very strong. He has always been resistant against many things due to the poor treatment he had received. He could have come out of his experiences more fragile than ever, but instead he came out stronger, both physically and mentally. In this aspect, he’s very similar to his brother who was raised as a soldier. Given all these things, I fail to understand what is there to criticize about the writing of how he’s dealing with his mental health.

On a side note, I personally don't think works of fiction necessarily HAVE TO teach people or show them how to handle traumas or mental health crisis in the "ideal way". If the author wants to show a character who doesn't deal well with his trauma, he can. Fictions are meant for entertainment and all forms of human behavior can be explored freely. Like I said before, this is a work of fiction, things are very Hollywood-like and meant to have a certain aesthetic and theme. Some things are not always very realistic, so I don't understand why people make a big deal out of things when it tackles the subject of mental health, and I say this as someone who has studied psychology.

A good example of a game that I dislike specifically because they tackle every problem (including mental health problems) people can encounter simply to educate people: My Candy Love. While I do appreciate this game to some extent, I think the big problem is that they spend more time developing characters’ issues than the love aspect of the game, when building the love relationship is the whole purpose of the game. A game that belongs to the category of otomes or dating sims are not supposed to educate people on how to handle things in the best way. I find it incredibly boring to read. The point of these games is to tell a story. It should be for entertainment purely, and not disguise itself as entertainment to give lessons. At least that’s what I prefer in these games!

Thank you for this very interesting ask! I shouldn't have to mention this but just in case, I hope you were not upset that I disagreed with what you brought up (whether it’s your opinion or others’). My opinion is only mine, and us having two different ones doesn't mean it's uninteresting to discuss them, it’s actually very interesting. Thank you again, and I hope you have a lovely day ❤️

Trauma HC’s pt 1

This post is going to be a HEAVY ONE.

CW for; Suicide mentions, Abuse mentions and so on. Please truly do proceed at your own risk as this post has a LOT of triggering content in it.

Inspired by this post 

Seto does, indeed, have flashbacks of that day from time to time. Flashbacks ESPECIALLY get triggered if he just so happens to be talking about or some one mentions Gozaburo and they’re on a high-level floor. (P.S if you ever catch him absentmindedly looking out of a window at ANY given time it’s a good idea to gently grab his attention if you can)

The specific room, however, that Gozaburo jumped out of the window of has been blocked off and locked up, unable to be opened up unless Seto does so. There’s also many rooms in his mansion like that – Rooms that were designated for his abuse. If one were to ask “Why can’t we get in this room?” well… It’s just better off you don’t actually ask that.

Now, his birthday? He had already stopped celebrating it thanks to Gozaburo long before his 15th birthday. And after that incident - Isono, Fuguta and Mokuba all began to slowly do small celebrations for him that he rejected at first, but slowly warmed up to. He can handle small celebrations on his birthday but big ones? And lots of attention? He doesn’t like it (despite his usual love for attention) due to the memories attached to this day.

No matter how many times he claims “The past is in the past”, it truly is NOT in the past. It’s simply his way of pushing certain topics, thoughts and feelings aside.

Losing means death. That is a concept that will forever be melded into his brain. Good luck getting him to NOT think that way.

x

Gozaburo wanted to, and DID, rip everything from Seto. EVERYTHING. Save for his baby brother. That’s the one thing Goza did NOT get to take from him.

Other than he took his toys, his innocence, his childhood, his emotions, his identity, tried to shape him up how he wanted to shape Noah up, Seto literally became the next Noah in a sense. His hair was dyed, he was forced to wear colored contacts, Gozaburo just. Wanted Seto in HIS image and to be HIS heartless heir to the KaibaCorp.

Thank fuck for that mind crush that put him in a year-long Coma to fix himself.

x

SO. I’ve noticed that he wears long sleeves in every. Single. Design for him. Even as a kid. He wore long sleeves to cover up bruises and even injuries he’d sustain.

At the orphanage, he’d always stand up for his little brother when he got bullied. Some of them would go to throw hits, of course, and Seto would take it. Later on in life, Gozaburo had been the cause of more bruises and even other injuries that’d bleed. If Seto slacked off during his studies? He’d get punished. If Mokuba got in trouble, Seto would take the hits for him. As long as Mokuba didn’t get hurt, Seto was a-okay with all of this.

Scars litter his upper arms. His back. He’s always covered them up. Always. If anyone were to ever see them, he’d be questioned. And such questions he is VERY unwilling to answer, of course. If anyone were to ever see the scars and bring attention to them? He’d brush it all off and change the subject. Seto IS a very secretive man, after all. That and he really does NOT want anyone’s ‘pity’.

/ / / / / /

Over the years he has learned to keep everything locked away. His emotions, his feelings, his smiles -- There’s things even Mokuba doesn’t know nor see from Seto such as him crying. For anyone to see Seto at his weakest, to see him vulnerable, would be absolutely horrible to him.

This all has led up to him having a handful of un-diagnosed issues as he even refuses to talk to any professionals about his past. And he has a very good reason for not talking to professionals - Gozaburo hired a ‘therapist’ to be absolutely awful and dreadful to Seto. The details will not be delved into, however.

He ‘has no problems’ and is ‘perfectly okay’. No one needs to know his problems nor be concerned with them in his eyes. Besides if he doesn’t care about YOU why should you care about HIM?

x

So it’s 100% canon that Seto & Mokuba’s mom and dad died. Mom is confirmed to have died after giving birth to Mokuba and their dad died in an accident – Both of which Seto was a witness to in some way or another.

Get ready for the ultimate betrayal because not only did the rest of Seto and Mokuba’s family take and spend their inheritance then leave them in an orphanage, but the ‘accident’ their father was in? Planned out by the rest of the family JUST SO they could get that inheritance. Lovely, right?

EVEN MORE lovely that poor little 7 year old Kaiba just so happened to be around to see this accident happen, thus leading Kaiba already developing PTSD to worsen and for him to gain some good ‘ol survivors guilt.

So what had happened, exactly? Well their dad had been on some medications for depression. The loss of his wife after Mokuba was born tore him up so he sought professional help. The medication was doing wonders for him! He was great, coping as well as he could be coping, sticking around for his boys!

But one day… The other relatives had tampered with his medications, using them to instead terribly poison him. To this day it is unknown what was used to poison him but the horrifying scene Seto witnessed isn’t one that’s easily forgotten. Gruesome details? I’m not sharing and neither is Seto. What he witnessed is for him and only him to know. Just know it was NOT pretty at all.

Also to this day it is unknown if Seto’s family got caught with what they did or not.

Looking For Casual Partner Who Will Hit Me With The Clichés

Nice to meet you! (a tidy summary is all the way at the bottom)

I go by Lontice, I'm a 21yo who lives in The States (EST). I used to hang out on an old site where all the users would role-play. The unique storytelling style that this spontaneous writing form offers had me hooked from day one. Unfortunately, life happened and I had to leave the website for a number of years. When I got back, no one was on anymore and I could no longer contact the friends I once knew. More than eight years later, I have 100+ different stories and partners under my belt, but nothing has ever come close to the enchanting style of simplistic role-playing I first fell in love with. Despite this, I'm still searching.

I'm not confrontational and I'm pretty shy, so if you also suffer from social anxiety, that would be great! I prefer to learn about your character through the use of my own character. There's nothing more rewarding than remembering when, during a stupid truth-or-dare game that came up in the rp a month ago, your character casually mentioned they really enjoy a funky brand of marshmallow ice cream, and using this information, maybe my character could cheer yours up. I live for the discovery of those little details! When I first meet a new partner, I like to go over a small introduction (what they're looking for, their personality, how long they've been role-playing, etc.), we'll talk a bit about genre, plot, and the world, but after that I don't really say much. This is going to sound super anti-social, but I don't really want to text more than I rp.. Small talk just really stresses me out. However, it's totally okay if you have a question about some stupid thing my character did or you need clarification on my wording (also, if you're just having a really bad day and need someone to listen, or you're super excited about something you did, I'm 100% there for you. We don't have to be strangers).

Ideally, I would like responses to be about 3-5 sentences. I once had a partner who would always top the length of my replies, and in my paranoid mind that was meant as a challenge. My record was 38 pages for a single response; granted, her previous post was at least 20 pages, so I had a lot to work with. It was just the most stressful time of my entire life and I'm not eager to repeat it. I wouldn't be role-playing if I didn't absolutely love writing, and of course I would be honored to read all about your character's thought process. While there are always times you're going to want to write a good chunk of text, such as for a dramatic reveal, delving into your character's backstory, trying to describe a new location, etc., I'm just not a big believer in the "novel-method" of rping.

My favorite genre is romance. I don't do fandoms, only original stories, and my characters are usually male. Generally, I do M/F pairings. It's just what I've always done, it's what I know, but if you want to try something else, I'd be down. My biggest pet peeve is "whiny little attention seeking fudgers". If you want my character to sweep your character off their feet, my sappy heart will gladly do that for you. If your character wants to have a complete meltdown, say something insensitive/immature, have a random fodder-character flirt with yours to make my character hella jelly, go for it! What I can't stand is the: "She sighed ever so gently, something obviously weighing on her frail, lady-like mind. A ray of perfect light showered her, accentuating her unimaginable beauty. However, a single golden hair was out of place, somehow making her look even more human, which only added to her beauty. If only he noticed the sound of her heavy tear sliding down her flawless alabaster cheek and colliding into her chilled glass, causing the ice to rattle." My character will tell your character that they're beautiful, they will think it night and day and chant it like a cult member, you don't need to tell me that your OC is a work of art. I am perfectly capable of forming my own opinions. And just let me tell you, my opinion is going to go sour pretty quickly if I constantly have to figure out why your angsty, brooding, tortured soul of a character is always depressed and no one can understand them because they're just going through so much more than anyone else could ever even begin to comprehend. I am in no way kind to my characters; I don't censor abuse, torture, trauma, etc. and I don't expect you to, but if the story is going to be stagnant because you think character development means making my character feel incompetent when trying to be helpful, then I'm going to start ignoring all of your "tear made the ice rattle" moments

>Trying to wrap this up:

A lot of people seem to require smut? I don't have a preference. I will say that I know some people who've told me their role-play experience was kinda ruined because they didn't feel comfortable writing "sexy" scenes and when they tried, it just felt extremely awkward. You're not a bad writer if you don't want to write smut; it's not a requirement, and you shouldn't feel like it's expected of you. Romance works perfectly fine without it; I'd argue that sometimes it works even better when things are just fluff. Just be up front and honest with me; if you don't want to, then I don't want to either.

Another big thing is obviously response time. Listen, I would love to have a rp where we reply back-to-back for hours, but realistically, that's just not going to happen. I'm a psych major, I work part-time, and I am notorious for losing interest fairly quickly. If I haven't responded to you within 24 hours, it's not because I haven't seen your post. It's very likely that, a.) I just finished working a double and desperately need a nap, b.) I irresponsibly stayed up all night working on last-minute homework, spent all day on campus, and have passed out in my car while parked in the driveway, c.) my friends and I got a little too wild last night and now I have a hangover that needs nursing, or d.) I simply don't have the motivation to respond to the rp and I'm avoiding it because it's making me anxious every time I look at it.

Like I said earlier, I'm totally fine with gore, abuse, trauma, etc. whether it's dealing with a character who's recovering from their past or it's some sort of kink. Romance is my favorite thing in the whole world, but I love drama, horror, and mystery just as much. If you'd prefer we didn't touch any of those topics, such as they're triggering or just straight-up not your cup of tea, please tell me! I would feel absolutely awful if I brought something up that you weren't comfortable with. The title is partners for a reason, and I want to respect your preferences and style in a way that lets you have fun with the rp and hopefully lets both of us explore new creative ideas.

In conclusion, I'm looking for a super casual partner who feels comfortable writing anywhere between 3-5 sentences, a romance junkie who likes all of the clichés, and a socially awkward wreck who understands that this is just a hobby, not a job, and that our real jobs keep us from interacting consistently.

My contact info (if by some miracle you're still interested):