Tolkien and long hair: what do the books say?

Any time Tolkien describes the length of Elves’ hair, it’s always said to be long:

- Glorfindel: ‘His golden hair flowed shimmering in the wind of his speed’ (FOTR - Amroth: ‘The wind was in his flowing hair’ (FOTR) - Celeborn: ‘The hair of the Lord Celeborn was of silver long and bright’ (FOTR) - Elves even made bowstrings from their hair: ‘A bow such as the Galadhrim used, longer and stouter than the bows of Mirkwood, and strung with a string of elf-hair’ (FOTR) - Celegorm: ‘Golden was his long hair’ (The Lays of Beleriand) - The Elves of Valinor: ‘With their gleaming hair in the wind flying’ (The Lays of Beleriand); ‘There blowing free unbraided hair is meshed with beams of Moon and Sun’ (The Lost Road) - The Teleri: ‘With their long hair gleaming like foam’ (Morgoth’s Ring) - Olwë: ‘The hair of Olwë was long and white’ (Morgoth’s Ring) - Thingol: ‘Elwë himself had long and beautiful hair of silver hue’ (The War of the Jewels) - Fingon: ‘He wore his long dark hair in great plaits braided with gold’ (The Shibboleth of Fëanor) - And then there’s this quote which implies that long hair was seen as desirable among the Elves: ‘All the Eldar had beautiful hair (and were especially attracted by hair of exceptional loveliness), but the Noldor were not specially remarkable in this respect, and there is no reference to Finwë as having had hair of exceptional length, abundance, or beauty beyond the measure of his people’ (The Shibboleth of Fëanor)

But it’s not just Elves—Men are also described as having long hair:

- Aragorn: ‘He threw back his hood, showing a shaggy head of dark hair flecked with grey’; ‘His hood was cast back, and his dark hair was blowing in the wind’ (FOTR) - The Witch-king of Angmar: ‘His hair was long and gleaming’ (FOTR); in an earlier draft of the scene, Tolkien wrote that all the Ringwraiths had long hair: ‘Upon their long grey hair were crowns and helms of pale gold’ - Boromir: ‘They combed his long dark hair and arrayed it upon his shoulders’ (TTT) - The Rohirrim: ‘Their hair, flaxen-pale, flowed under their light helms, and streamed in long braids behind them’; ‘Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?’; ‘Their golden hair was braided on their shoulders’ (TTT) - Eorl the Young: ‘His yellow hair was flying in the wind’ (TTT) - Théoden: ‘His white hair was long and thick and fell in great braids’ (TTT); ‘The hair that flowed beneath his high helm was like snow’ (ROTK) - Men from the South: ‘They have black eyes, and long black hair’; ‘His black plaits of hair braided with gold were drenched with blood’ (TTT) - Faramir and Éowyn: ‘And so they stood on the walls of the City of Gondor, and a great wind rose and blew, and their hair, raven and golden, streamed out mingling in the air’ (ROTK); this would only be possible if Faramir also had long hair - Túrin: ‘For his garb was of the wild woods and his hair was long’ (The Book of Lost Tales)

What about Maiar?

- Gandalf is described as follows: ‘His long white hair, his sweeping silver beard, and his broad shoulders, made him look like some wise king of ancient legend’ (FOTR); ‘His snowy hair flew free in the wind’ (TTT) - Even the Balrog is described as having long hair: ‘Its streaming hair seemed to catch fire, and the sword that it held turned to flame’ (The Return of the Shadow)

Interestingly, I only found a few instances of characters cutting their hair short, and all of them are women:

- Lúthien cuts her hair in The Silmarillion, although it does not say how short, but in The Lays of Beleriand, it says she ‘cut the hair about her ears, and close she cropped it to her head’  - Vána cuts her hair too in The Book of Lost Tales: ‘There follows an account of how Vána...cut short her golden hair and gave it to the Gods, and from her hair they wove sails and ropes’  - In The War of the Ring, Éowyn is described with shorn hair when she goes to war, although this was changed in the final version of ROTK: ‘In the passage that follows, Éowyn’s hair is described as shorn upon her neck’

In conclusion, long hair is clearly the norm in Tolkien’s books. No Elf is ever described as having short hair apart from Lúthien, and no mortal is ever described as having short hair except for Éowyn in the rejected draft. If anyone should have short hair, it’s certain female characters, not male Elves. Fight me!

//Where does Shaw find his clothing? Does he have a personal designer or tailor? WHY does he dress the way he does?

WHAT AN EXCELLENT QUESTION! Prepare for a far longer answer than you probably wanted! Yeah, he's GOT to have a personal designer/tailor on staff, not just the kind that modifies clothes but actually makes them. There's no way he's buying this stuff off the rack except at a Ren Faire (and I can't see that, too many hippies) and actual antique garments wouldn't fit him. I now have the headcanon that the godawful color schemes are this designer's way of getting back at him for being a rude shit, thank you. As to the why--- Short answer: Shaw was a really poor kid and now he gets to play out his fantasy of being a Fancy Rich Dude From Olden Times and the Hellfire Club aesthetic fits that PERFECTLY so he goes harder than anyone else and justifies it with some libertarian shit about rejecting the modern world's cloying morals. Long answer: 1) Well, firstly, there's the Hellfire Club dress code, which presumably comes from them being founded in the US during the 1700s and never changing shit since (I reckon the women's look like. . .that. . .because they weren't treated as equal members at the time) But it's clearly optional, we've seen multiple people of BOTH genders choose to wear something else, even to meetings. But not Shaw. This guy goes hard on it. Hell, he even dresses somewhat like that EVEN WHEN HE WAS TEMPORARILY KICKED OUT so he definitely has reasons beyond that, which I think are twofold. 2) In "New Mutants #22" he tells Emmanuel Da Costa that: "“Our costumes signify our abandonment of the modern age–with its cloying ethics and bourgeois mercantile principles, where society is bent on protecting people from themselves at an cost—for a far simpler one…where a man was limited solely by the scope of his imagination, his ambition, his daring. And bound only by his own personal sense of honor. Society—the common herd–means nothing. The individual is all.” So, is this actually what the costumes officially mean in the Hellfire Club rules or doctrine or whatever, or just Shaw's personal take? I think both. The real-world historical Hellfire Clubs that were around in the 18th century were indeed founded as a revolt against the morals of their day, though it was more concerning sexual matters, stuff liking drinking, and rejection of the Church's power. So I could see the official Club stance being something like "we're rejecting modern society's norms" and Shaw just interpreting it in a way that appeals to his libertarianism. But that's just my guess. (He is also HILARIOUSLY INCORRECT in the idea that a man, even a white man, would be limited only by blah blah blah in previous eras, your social class was FAR harder to move out of then, but whatever Shaw) But most of all, I think it's. . . 3) This is him living his childhood fantasy. The idea of dressing like this, living in a ridiculous manor, having a horse-drawn carriage and fancy parties, all that is exactly what a poor American kid would imagine to be Ye Olde Riche People stuff. As stupid-looking as the costumes are, they absolutely do evoke the idea of Old World aristocracy, something that young Shaw would definitely dream about. While people who were born wealthy are NOW something he disdains, I have no doubt he wanted to be one himself as a boy. And much like little girl's princess fantasies look more like Disney and less like actual modern royalty (who usually dress like anyone else outside fancy functions), I imagine Lil Sebastian's fantasies of what that looked like were probably a lot like what the Hellfire Club dresses like.

Between Rachel Dolazel and that ‘trans Korean’ guy..

I sincerely hope we’ve had enough of the nonsense brought on by postmodernism.

It’s one thing for the struggle for transrights to get conflated with the ‘Gender Theory’ crap, because it’s close enough one can confuse the real thing for the philosophical predatory mimic that is Gender Theory. One requires tolerance and asterisks in respect for a physical and mental condition. One requires arguing that the existence of trans people must mean there’s no such thing as a normal sex/gender conformation and argue to socially redo the entire relationship between body and sex around the lens to be trans is normal and just different.

But Intersectional Feminism, is in the position that Radical Feminism found itself in right before the Intersectionals threw them off their progressive Marxist high horse to replace them with Intersectionality and higher extent Gender Theory, rejecting biological materialism in the process.

What do I mean by that?

It’s simple. Radical Feminism believed that because all minority groups belonged to the female, “class,” that meant women were the natural diverse minority to lead. That meant women should lead, and meant any woman was able to speak up on behalf of any woman and their assorted minority status. This is what led to the entitled white girl/woman climbing on every soap box to talk shit to every white boy/man since the 60s.

Radical Feminism adopted the idea of demographic as class, the idea, “the nature of different classes is one struggles to dominate and oppress the other. One always absolutely oppresses, the other is the oppressed,” and so attributed that to being male and female. When radical feminism talks about oppression, they do not just mean cultural or legal practices on the books, they mean the very nature of being human makes a woman oppressed by a man, and that’s just the permanence and static of the situation that, left unchallenged by Marxist ideas of legal and social equality (putting women on a pedestal by ‘society,’ so they can live with the benefits of technology and infrastructure without even having to SEE a man, nor thank them, just expect a modern life as a given and paid for by men’s taxes) then women would just innately be oppressed and suffer as is the nature of their being.

Radical Feminism adopted critical sex theory and class struggle theory, but only accepted the arbitrary class definition as far as imagining their sex as oppressed. However, the devil in the details soon found them as oppressor, themselves.

Oppressor of the transgendered woman, whom was not allowed, according to radical feminism, into their woman-only clubs, their woman-only covens, their woman-only endowments, scholarships, grants for higher education, their woman-only health spas, gyms and other gender apartheid organizations. Suddenly according to the convenient logic radical feminism used to try to substantiate the idea society owed them shit because their natural state was oppression, they were now oppressors and bigots for even opposing transwomen in their club. Because of the nature of how it was argued.

Gender Theorists argued, 1.) Transgendered is a demographic minority. 2.) You listen to demographic minorities. 3.) Gender is an identity, be it male or female or other and align with sex or not. 4.) You denying their gender is no different from the heteronorms denying homosexuality’s validity because it’s inconvenient. You’re basically part of the patriarchy.

And just like that, radfems became, “bio-essentialist,” according to this big brain logic of competing classes and demographics and what you’re allowed to say to reprimend or deny them vs. yourself, a larger demographic that inherently oppresses the smaller demographic, whom is always right, must always be listened to.

Well, a funny thing happens when you apply this logic to races and cultures.

The difference between a black man and a white man is largely aesthetic and the genetic differences are very minute. Compared to something like sex, where two different chromosome sets are like two different hardware companies, it’s largely the same stuff between two different men of, “different races.” Just, different expression of the same existing DNA.

And if you entertain ‘races as cultures,’ like a Capital B Black or Capital W White, then it’s no different, logically, from divorcing sexual expression in psychology from the concept of, ‘gender,’ as divorced from biology. Where one can be a whole opposite sex because gender is attitude and culture, not a part of your physiology (according to Gender Theorists.)

By the very rules and laws and theory of Class Struggle Theory and gender theory, these rules SHOULD also apply to races. As batshit stupid as they are, it’s logically consistent that Rachel Dolazel or whats-his-face, the, “trans Korean” guy take this stupid theory to its stupid logical extreme and declare they can be, “trans racial.”

This will go one of two ways; Postmodernist theory tied to gender will tie to race, and tomorrow’s minority will be transracial. Transblack, Transasian and Transwhite will become things, people will be federally barred from disrespecting or attacking them for their life decisions to be what they feel inside because, “races don’t exist and there is only culture.”

Or, the next generation, cis, trans and all, will see the similarities between transracialism and Gender Theory, and throw the whole theory out, offended and disgusted.

But, we’ll still have trans rights, because you don’t need postmodernism or Gender Theory for transgender rights to exist or be respected. Just acknowledge some people neurologically are wired different, nothing we can (currently) do about it, if ever, and asterisks to acknowledge exception to the norm. None of this, “well we’re respecting the arbitrary existence of transgendered people.. that must mean all sex/gender is arbitrary!” shit.

So!! There’s my prediction. The Intersectionals will eventually be challenged, internally, with people that argue race itself is a culture, culture is not biological, and you CAN convert and IDENTIFY your way into it, and anyone that does not agree, they’ll consider to be tantamount to a Nazi for bioessentialist thinking.

As many of you noticed, the other day I posted Part 1 in what has become a series on my thoughts on sexism in One Piece. If you are somehow seeing this post first, I would recommend clicking the link as I’ll be adding to the foundation I built there. 

I already had some pretty strong thoughts on this topic before receiving the original ask, but in the spirit of not wanting to sound like a douche academic integrity I decided to do a little cursory research into what other people meant when they said that One Piece is sexist. Here’s a collage of some of my favorite hot takes

As much as I’m...confused? Unsurprised yet somehow disappointed?...I don’t want to mock or belittle the people who feel this way. I think one of the most dangerous things in our modern internet age is that discussions only get surface deep before they devolve into shouting matches, and when the other side is vilified as ignorant or immoral or whatever it only serves to divide people into groups that grow evermore hostile to one another as the shouting matches get louder. It’s a short jump from your opinions are stupid and bad to you are stupid and bad for having them and I really don’t want to go there. 

Tl; dr: I don’t care if you disagree with anything I’m about to say, but if you send me harassing messages please know that I will laugh at you for presuming to think that I care.

Dropping the S Bomb

So first things first, a couple definitions. Sexism is prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination against a certain gender, in this case women. Chauvinism is excessive or prejudiced support for one's own cause, group, or sex. Misogyny is dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

I start with definitions, because there are an astounding number of people who misuse these terms when making arguments. When talking about things like character design, Oda’s typical hour-glass figure is leaning into a stereotype that leads to the objectification of (fictional) women. An argument could be made that One Piece is sexist in that way. 

But it’s not that cut and dry, and I am always of the opinion that context matters. I argued in my previous post that there would be a wider variety of female character designs if there were more women, and the exaggerated aesthetic of the series lends itself to the exaggerated busts and butts typical of One Piece ladies. 

There’s an interview that came out around the time Strong World was released that I think is helpful when talking about this sort of thing. 

I approached it thinking that since I’m drawing for a boys’ comic magazine, then it’s my job to make sure they enjoy what they’re reading. When you actually do become a professional you’ll start getting fan letters and other things and you’ll soon find that the overwhelming majority of them are from girls. Boys just aren’t the type to pick up a pen. (laughs) They don’t have things like stationary or stamps and they don’t think about going through the ‘grueling task’ of writing someone just to say, “That was cool.” Boys are a life form that enjoy something but won’t bother to tell you that they actually do.

So I learned that girls will flood you with their opinions and when I took at step back and looked at the world of manga, I realized that there are a lot of people out there that made me think, “This [author] is really just going along with the girls’ opinions.” And ultimately, if you’re considering those opinions as the ‘needs of the customer’ when you write the story, you’re just left with a girl’s manga. (laughs) It’s like, if you do that, you’re only writing to entertain girls, and that’s just wrong.

Oda writes for his target demographic, pre-teen and teenage boys. He doesn’t seem to care much for the opinions of his female audience, which again could be perceived as sexist.

And to an extent maybe it is, but I also think it’s smart. You only have to look at the mess that is the new Star Wars trilogy to see what happens when a storyteller tries to appease a fan base. The end result is that everyone goes home from the theatre miserable. 

Humanity has been telling stories since time immemorial. They’re so ingrained into into the collective psyche that we have developed certain metanarriatives, types, and archetypes that have in turn been refined and distilled and applied to certain types of stories meant for certain types of people. The “rules” for telling a “boy’s story” are different than the “rules” for telling a “girl’s story”, just like I would not expect a romance to be told in the same way as one of Shonen Jump’s battle manga.

Incidentally, this is part of the reason why I think many romances in shonen fall flat. Stories best suited for fighting, camaraderie, coming of age, and growing into the best version of yourself are forced to try to include tropes and story beats that just don’t fit, and the end result is often just...bad.  

And, yes, these rules are arbitrary. They can and do change. Just look at shonen battle manga of the 80s vs the titles that were popular when One Piece started in the 90s vs what’s running today. The fact that Oda maintained an audience for over two decades while writing for a demographic that ages out every few years is nothing short of incredible. He clearly has a pulse on what his audience wants while maintaining a clear vision for the direction he wants One Piece to go.

Nor is this an individual effort. Oda works with his assistants and editors when it comes to making these decisions. It’s impossible to say how much he’s been influenced by these other voices, both in the past and now, even if he is ultimately the person responsible for what does and does not get put to paper.

What’s more, society changes. What is considered sexist now would not be thought of as such a generation ago. Our descendants will shake their heads at all the crazy, backward, terrible things we think are normative, and that’s not even taking into consideration differences in culture that not only exist between generations, but nations. America is going to have different ideas of what is and isn’t appropriate behavior than Japan, which undoubtably influences Oda’s sense of humor, which in turn influences the sorts of gags he puts into his comic.

I want to walk a fine line here, because I think there are objective standards that people should be held to regarding sexism while also acknowledging that getting people to agree to those standards are is impossible. If people truly feel as strongly about Oda’s character design and fan service as they make it seem online, then by all means comment on it. It’s not going to change Oda’s mind, but maybe with increased awareness the next generation of storytellers will be better. 

At the same time, I think that the indignant masses need to take a deep, hard look at what they’re calling sexism. Are you really going to claim, as I’ve seen, that all fan service is sexist? Are you really going to say that Robin and Nami are weak characters because they don’t get fights? Are you really going to say that Oda’s the most sexist mangaka out there, using, Fairy Tale as an example of female characters done right?

Because if you are, you’re setting yourself up to be thought as just as vapid and uniformed as those who are only reading for tits and ass. There are legitimate criticisms to be had, but just because you don’t like a thing doesn’t mean it’s bad storytelling. Just because Oda puts something out there that you don’t approve of doesn’t make it sexist. Audiences need to be better at thinking critically about the media they consume and learn to look past the sensationalism of click bait articles to truly explore the issues at hand. 

This is getting long again, so I think I’m going to split this into another post where I’ll dive into some specific examples within the series itself. Once again, thank you for your time. I promise I’ll wrap this up soon and move onto other, hopefully more positive, things.    

Do you have any BabeRoe / other ships modern AU (possibly your SubBabefanclub universe) headcanons would like to share? I need some daydreaming material if you would indulge me haha

have 1500 word of baberoe headcanons because I have no idea how to work some of this into fics. not very kinky but it's in the Call Me Sweetheart universe so i hope its okay. I’m sorry, I really ran away with this but there are SO many hc’s and background stories fighting in my head and I saw the opportunity <333333

hope you feel indulged you lovely person <3

eugene doesn’t care about gender norms when it comes to French nicknames for Babe bc fuck that. He also personally gets a bit of a kick out of using traditionally female nicknames for this gorgeous man, but he doesn’t know how to explain that to Babe without it sounding all weird and gross, so he just has that going in his own head.

babe calls gene ‘doc’ as an inside joke that he doesn’t understand

he doesn’t understand it because it’s actually stolen from gene and spina, who call each other ‘doc’ as an actual inside joke (bc they’re, you know, aware of the joke)

see, all their friends happily ignore that neither of them are actually doctors yet, and continue to ask them to treat everything from paper cuts to broken bones like it’s a completely reasonable thing to do. they’re also borderline therapists for half the gang, especially spina, so there’s also that. the ‘doc’ thing is used between them to separate when they’re being serious or jabbing friendly at each other.

speaking of: spina knows all the secrets. everyone comes to him with everything.

mood: eternally fucking done with these morons.

spina loves it, really, though. his chill-ass “have a glass of water, get a haircut, talk about your feelings with the hairdresser” attitude pairs pretty well with eugene “emeRGENCY MODE” roe

Babe and Eugene both honestly have such strong and opposite Aesthetics going on, but neither of them are aware of it. Gene is all about efficient, strong, wear-resistant clothing (leather boots, thick-fabric jeans, five versions of the same long-sleeved t-shirt of the kind where, you know, it’s both incredibly baggy and incredibly body-clinging at the same time) and Babe is this unintentionally hyper-flamboyant ray of colour (flight jackets, fifteen pairs of sneakers in different colours [two with glitter], crop-tops and tank tops with stupid phrases printed on them. some are custom ordered. also belts that serve no purpose but appearance.)

More under the cut because this got long as dicks

Eugene can dry-swallow pills, and always does it because he’s, well. Eugene, and saves time in the most useless of places. Babe thinks it’s some kind of black magic and buys a whole bunch of vitamin pills, forcing Gene to take them just so he can inspect his mouth afterwards and see if he’s lying about it.

Babe is really, really into Dirk Gently. Because come on.

There’s a betting pool going on how long it’ll take for either Babe or Eugene to realise their roommate is in love with them. Technically, Toye has won because his only contribution to the pool was “who the fuck is to say they haven’t been fucking this whole time?” but none of them know that, so yeah. Congrats joe.

Eugene got into med school on a full scholarship, which is the only way him or his family could have ever afforded it, and also the reason he left everything he ever knew to go to Philadelphia. He worked his fucking ass off to get it, and he will continue to work his ass of to keep it.

He struggles with how to make financial decisions because what do you even do with money once you’ve bought all your necessities?, and he also doesn’t really know how to talk to anyone about it, so it’s this eternal struggle going on in his head.

So Gene ends up just buying pillows, bedsheets, blankets and other things for his bed, because a) it’s fucking cold as fuck here, Edward, how did you even survive the winters as a child and b) he’s always wanted to have one of those ridiculously comfortable beds you see on TV, and now he can, and the pillows help make him feel not-as-alone when he misses his family.

He’s also protective as fuck over it. Babe and Renee are the only ones who have ever been allowed to sleep in Eugene’s bed, because like fuck he’d trust the rest of them with it.

Babe isn’t sure about the whole context on Gene’s relationship with money, but he’s guessed his way to the most of the story, and thus approaches any purchases for the apartment really carefully because of the anxiety Gene gets over it. It took them three weeks to buy a new microwave when their last one broke, because Eugene kept arguing both sides on whether they actually needed it or not. Babe hears out every side of the argument and just lets him work through it in his own time.

This does mean they live in a very minimalistic flat, but what they do have means so, so much to them because they spent a month making sure every single thing was just perfect.

Oh yeah, they first agreed to move in together because of parties. Story time:

Babe celebrates Pride like it’s every national holiday slammed into one, topped by his birthday, because he spent his whole youth a very closeted Catholic kid surrounded by other very Catholic people and nuns, and once he moved out of home he kinda went nuts.

So Babe first met Bill when they were 19 because they were working at the same place, and immediately bonded over their shitty, entitled boss. Bill introduces him to Toye, and they all go out for drinks one night.

When Luz shows up he says hi by jump-siting down in Toye’s lap and presses a wet kiss to his cheek, and Babe feels his heart sink to the floor because oh God what is this, but Bill just rolls his eyes and throws peanuts at these two idiots as they do their obligatory “kissing each other three times as hello” thing.

babe really has to force himself to not stare at them, or bill, or the rest of the bar filled with people because no one os freaking the fuck out, and he’s freaking the fuck out, and what Freaky Friday is this???

Later that night Babe has a bit of an alcohol-induced meltdown about it, full-on crying because he barely knows them but Luz and Toye are the first openly gay people he has ever met and how the fuck can everyone just be so cool about it like, how is this not a big deal to them what the fuck????? How can they just be gay and proud and happy and not scared and how can Bill just be cool with it and not tell them they’ll go to hell and how whAT????????

queue Bill, Luz and Toye sharing one single look and instantly deciding a) babe is going to have one more therapeutic beer and then we’re cutting him off, b) we have got to teach this kid how to live and c) we’re his new brothers now, and if anyone ever touches a single orange hair on this boy’s dumbass head we’ll skin them alive, break into the zoo and feed their flesh to the gators.

they work real hard on finding him a place to stay that’s not with his parents, and it’s just around Philly Pride time when they find an ad from this med student moving up from Louisiana who got a flat through luck and family friends and needs to split his rent with someone

ad says “good things to know: this is not going to be a heterosexual household and i will not be able to take responsibility for any potted plants nor any animals you want me to take care of” and just, bingo.

Babe and Eugene meet up for a coffee and bond pretty quickly, Babe rambling just enough for Eugene to have the energy to listen, but also clearly cares so much about Gene’s input when he does give it and it’s just. Good energy.

At one point Babe hesitantly and mock-casually mentions that he’s thinking about going to Pride this year, and Eugene starts talking about Mardi Gras and Southern Decadence with such a happy nostalgia it tugs on Babe’s heart.

Gene already has access to the flat, and Babe already has access to friends, so before the coffee date is over they’ve agreed to put their bags together and host a pre-pride party

This immediately becomes Babe’s most important yearly tradition, and while Eugene is honestly a bit over it after the first one, what person in their right mind would deny the man????? their pride parties become Philly legend.

No one can really understand how the fuck Babe Heffron and Eugene Roe turned out such good fucking party planners, but they now are for some reason?

Renee and Anna are the founding members of a lesbian, later turned generally queer, friend group that put on combat boots and go bar hopping in Philly to spread the gay agenda. The Easy boys are a bit intimidated by the whole thing, but Babe fucking loves it. He’s their number one supporter. Spina is the equivalence of a ball boy, because he doesn’t like being in the centre but is very happy to assist the Cause by helping from the sidelines and patch up any scratches they get while doing it.

bonus:

this is not baberoe but happening in the background so constantly you can’t not mention it

Liebgott and Webster fight all. the. time. and they both love it. Seriously, they get really fucking pissed if anyone interrupts, both turning on the poor “peacemaker” like a pair of sharks to leave them alone to bicker in peace. The rest of them have stopped listening a long time ago.

Hi!!!! Do you have any hcs for what a modern au the gilded wolves would be like?

honestly unbelievable that i never thought of this before, but i do now!!

séverin would be ur standard edgy rich sleep deprived tiktok boy

but he would also stand up against racism & make informative videos about it and secretly be a softie shh

enrique is already a disaster & this will in no way change. he gets top grades & is known to be super smart but is also fucking stupid. he can’t pronounce any big words since he read them all in books

the squad remembers the night he got drunk and hurtled down the streets in a flaming office chair all too well

his fashion sense would be great tho

his most used app is snapchat

laila’s most used app would be messaging solely because her friends are all idiots & she needs to send them reminders several times a day to eat & sleep lmao

i feel like she would looooooowkey be a vsco girl but not really

she owns & works at a cute little bakery and teaches dance part time

she was in a bollywood movie once for like 5 minutes

hypnos would still send letters & mail instead of using technology

not in a snobby boomer way though he just thinks it’s cute

he’d have a huge social media following too & post all the little squad photos & videos 🥺

he would 100% defy gender norms & wear makeup/feminine clothes

zofia would probably have gone thru a nOt LiKe oThEr GirLs phase at some point, dw it’s wayyy over now

she’s super good at coding & other technological stuff

in 7th grade she hacked into the school system to change her grades & was never caught. queen

she’s lowkey alt

tristan would have one (1) instagram account & it’d be full of aesthetic nature photography, mostly taken by him but 1 photo is by séverin & it’s of tristan in a big hoodie lookin like a pure innocent little cinammon roll

"Bad Media is Good Because..." An essay defending Riverdale (somehow)

Riverdale (2017) has become my secret guilty pleasure. I love this show with such zeal, it’s slightly embarrassing, and only because I do acknowledge that people hate this show. Thousands of comments through Rotten Tomatoes, Reddit, and even my friend group discuss how it’s dreadful. This comment from Google reviews sums it up fairly well; “How the hell does this show have such high ratings? I mean it's outrageous how bad this show is. I can't even begin - the plotlines, the dialogues, the characters, the story, is ALL over the place…” But Riverdale is an epic example of trash television that succeeds because it’s so trash, and therefore why I like it. As a film student, I am constantly watching movies with plots that require lots of attention and energy. Riverdale offers me a chance to pass the time and sink into an hour of brain rot. The “terrible dialogue and plotline” is what propels the show anyway. It keeps me coming back each week for another episode because it leaves me needing to know what happens next, no matter how stupid and unrealistic.

Riverdale’s untethered use of time is what also draws me to the show. According to Cole Sprouse, the actor who portrayed Jughead Jones, he suggests that “Riverdale has no formal or announced time period as of now… My understanding of the town is some twilight zone between the modern and the nostalgic ‘golden age America." This does help to explain why I love the show’s aesthetic, I am obsessed with anything retro or “50s Americana”. It’s as if the crew have purposely utilized the colour psychology of the post-war culture to create a bright and colourful façade that ultimately masks the darker side of Riverdale. My best explanation is comparing it to how fast-food chains use rich and vivid colours to lure in customers and get them to buy their food. We know it’s bad for us, but we can’t resist the temptation of the bright menu windows displaying a glorious array of burgers and sides. The show appeals to me because it captures the essence of my favourite aesthetic and as much as I know the show is so badly written, I must keep coming back for more.

On a more serious note, Riverdale’s history of diversity is no surprise to me. The show has sprinkled in a few Asian-American, black and LGBTQI+ characters throughout its five seasons, yet even they take a back seat as minor roles. Riverdale writers could have executed a much better job in giving minority characters more screen time, that’s for sure. However, I know that there are still shows out there that lack diversity entirely. Therefore, I’m willing to interpret that Riverdale can be a good example of what not to do. It’s comparable to the “The Best Men Can Be” advert by Gillette in 2019. Concerning topics of toxic masculinity, it got praise for challenging gender norms but also was viewed by some as “condescending” and “hideously woke”. Others argued that it was as performative as its message would not stop harassment or sexism. Yet, it is still better than nothing. This is the same point for Riverdale, some exposure to minority groups is better than having none. I am optimistic that Riverdale will be a contributing factor to the small steps the TV industry will have to take to authentically create diverse shows. Fails will eventually lead to successes.