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paladin-lynx · 4 years

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Love Hurts (“Among Us” Ficlet)

Trigger/Content Warnings: Mentions of character death

Author’s Notes: So as I’m sure you can all tell from my recent posting, I’ve started playing “Among Us” and I’ve quickly become hooked. Some games are short and not very serious, but others have been filled with emotion and I’ve played with some awesome people. This piece is loosely based off a particular game I played, although I changed the names just for everyone’s privacy. So I guess these are technically OCs now, if people want to see more of them? But to all the people I’ve played with, you guys are great! Hope to run into you again sometime soon!

“Dead body reported by Crewmate Orange. Corpse found: Crewmate White. All remaining Crewmates report to the Cafeteria immediately.”

Leora nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden announcement, blinking up at the nearest loudspeaker. Things had seemed to be going relatively well for a while, with no bodies being reported, but she should have known that the peace would only last so long. While MIRA HQ was fairly big, it wasn’t that big, and if there were Impostors running around killing Crewmates, it would only be a matter of time before someone stumbled across a corpse left in their wake.

While she was of course wary about the entire situation, she couldn’t help being a bit irked. Somehow the Impostors had slipped under MIRA’s radar during screening and had managed to stay hidden during the entire ride on The Skeld and it was only once they had gotten all the way to Headquarters that MIRA apparently had realized something was amiss.

She still remembered the announcement as they had started to make themselves at home at MIRA HQ – “There are two Impostors among us.”

The crew had immediately gone into a panic. Yellow had wasted no time slamming the Emergency Button so many times that the crew had ended up ejecting him. His constant talking had them convinced that he had to be one of the Impostors, because no one else would be so accusatory towards the friends they had made on the way here, right?

But as his body had fallen through the clouds, that announcement had sounded once more – “Two Impostors remain.”

It had been very silent around the Cafeteria table after that as everyone processed what they had just done. How could MIRA have technology advanced enough to figure out that there were shapeshifters within the crew, but their scanners weren’t intelligent enough to pinpoint who they were?

The turn against Crewmate Yellow had definitely been a shift in the crew’s dynamic up until that point. They had all become so close with one another on the way there. In training, MIRA had mentioned that on these missions, your crew was like your family and it was easy to form bonds. Of course, that was before any of them had known that not everyone was who they said they were.

They had even shared their real names with one another so that they didn’t have to constantly call one another by codename, even though it was still easiest to default to that at a moment’s notice. Leora was Red, but she had had no issue giving the crew her actual name. In fact, she had never been the most popular of people back home and these strangers had welcomed her into their midst with open arms. It was nice.

It made her heart clench to think that now none of them could trust one another. But they had to do what they had to do.

So for now, she glanced up at Black, who was in the Laboratory with her. “Come on. Let’s get to the Cafeteria.”

They made their way through Decontamination and through the hallways towards the crew’s meeting place. Black was a large individual, but he didn’t speak much, so everyone had decided to simply call him Giant since he hadn’t bothered giving his name. When he did talk, he was straight to the point, only saying what was necessary to get his point across and nothing more. Leora guessed it was to cover his ass and not say anything that could make the others suspicious.

Finally, they walked into the Cafeteria, and Leora blinked when she saw there were only two others there, already seated at the table and waiting for them. Were there really only four of them left? And there were still two Impostors among them.

Besides her and Giant, there was Crewmate Orange, whose name was Paige. She had had rotten luck thus far in coming across the bodies littered around the Headquarters, and to be honest Leora was shocked that the crew had kept her around this long and not accused her of self-reporting the deaths.

And then the last one was Crewmate Green. His name was Wilder, but the crew had taken to calling him Wiley since a rough-and-tumble name like Wilder didn’t fit his sweet disposition. He was one of the first Crewmates that Leora had met and she had known within seconds of him opening his mouth that he was not fit for an environment like this. They’d struck up conversation and Wiley had latched onto her immediately. As they had been flying up in the Dropship, when there had been a bit too much turbulence for his liking, Wiley had reached over to shakily take Leora’s hand. It had caught her off guard, since at the time they’d barely known one another, but she had taken pity on him and given his hand a little squeeze, keeping him close and assuring him that everything would be just fine.

She’d smiled at him through her helmet, and she’d sworn that she could see him blushing behind his.

And now he was one of the last four. Leora hadn’t really been keeping track of him as she’d wandered about the Headquarters, but she was glad that he was alright. She went to go take a seat at the table, watching as Giant did the same.

There was a stretch of silence, and the tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife. Finally, Leora decided to be the one to start the conversation, turning to Paige. “Where was the body?”

“In Admin,” Paige replied, and she shifted her gaze to stare Leora down. “I saw you jump into a vent.”

Leora blinked, immediately straightening up, her eyes widening. “What? I wasn’t anywhere near Admin.”

“Yeah!” Wiley piped up helpfully, although his voice trembled, like the rest of his body. If they made the wrong decision here, they were done for. “Lee wouldn’t kill anyone!”

Leora felt her heart clench. He was so sweet, and the nickname only made it sink in more just how attached he’d gotten. Part of her wanted to reprimand him for being so trusting with all of this going on, but she held her tongue. None of them really knew what to do in this situation, and they had all been coping in their own ways.

Paige huffed. “I saw her, Wiley. Well, maybe I didn’t see her actually make the kill, but I promise you I saw her jump into the vent! And you know that only Impostors can use the vents!”

Giant slowly raised a hand, clearing his throat. “Leora was with me,” he deadpanned in that low, almost growl-like voice of his. Maybe that was why he rarely spoke. “In the Lab.”

Wiley nodded quickly, his helmet almost rattling with the movement. “See? And I was at the Launchpad running diagnostics…So where were you, Orange?”

Paige’s head swiveled to glare at Wiley. “In Admin. Obviously. I was going to enter my ID code.”

Wiley shrunk down a bit, and Leora felt anger boil under her skin. Her mouth moved before she could think about it.

“Don’t snap at him,” she warned. “You say you saw me vent, Orange, but no one else was there with you. I’m starting to think that you killed White and are trying to cover your own ass by reporting it yourself.”

“Are you crazy? That would be so stupid,” Paige hissed, her posture tensing. “Black is just covering for you because he’s probably the other Impostor.”

That was a fair assumption, Leora admitted to herself. Giant’s tendency to stay quiet could come off as so clever it was almost suspicious, as if he was trying not to draw attention to himself. Leora hadn’t bothered following him around much, leaving him to his own devices, but they had gotten on just fine thus far.

So for now, Leora just rolled her eyes, still scrambling to defend herself so that she didn’t end up getting tossed into the clouds below Headquarters. “Sounds like something an Impostor would say, doesn’t it?”

“Shove it, Leora. It was you. I saw you.” Paige looked to Wiley again. “Come on, Wiley, you have to believe me. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

It looked like Wiley was biting his lip, eyes darting between the other three Crewmates at the table. Paige had been friendly enough up until this point, and she did seem to be fairly observant and good at piecing things together. But now that there were only a handful of them left, she was fighting tooth and nail to keep her one remaining Crewmate safe. Or perhaps she was just trying to keep herself safe. She didn’t try to accuse Wiley at all, but Leora couldn’t blame her for that. When they’d found Blue’s body – his name had been Ben – Wiley had collapsed into Leora’s arms and sobbed, and unless he was secretly a theater star back home, there was no way he could act that well. He still seemed shaken now that White, named Felix, was gone, but he only had so many tears to shed.

“I don’t know…” he mumbled.

“It’s Leora, come on, you know I’m right!”

“But…b-but I can’t vote for Lee!” Wiley protested, nearly choking on his own words. “I love her!”

I love her.

Leora felt like somehow the blood had both rushed to and drained from her face at the same time, and she blinked at Wiley with big eyes. They had gotten close over the course of the mission, and Leora had tended to spend her free time in training and on The Skeld with him, but it seemed a bit too early to be saying it was love. Crew may be like family, but in a lot of ways, they were still strangers. Leora had no doubt that sometimes romances blossomed between Crewmates, but that wasn’t possible when there were Impostors running amuck, was it?

The room was silent for a long moment before Paige let out a heavy sigh, rubbing a hand over the front of her helmet. Leora heard her mutter, “no, you don’t” under her breath before she addressed Wiley again. “Love hurts, Wiley.”

“I…True…” Wiley still looked unhappy, peeking over at Leora, who just shook her head. There was a good chance that she was about to get ejected from the Headquarters, and while the thought was nowhere near ideal, as soon as MIRA had announced that there were Impostors that needed to be weeded out, all of the Crewmates had done their best to accept the very real possibility that their days were numbered. They would either get picked off by the Impostors or the crew would toss them out if they were acting suspicious enough. Leora just didn’t want to think about Wiley meeting his fate at the hands of the Impostors if she wasn’t here to keep an eye on him, and the idea made her heart squeeze uncomfortably in her chest.

“Please vote on your tablets for which Crewmate you believe to be the Impostor.”

Regardless of their argument, they had to come to some sort of conclusion. Leora pulled her tablet from her belt and glanced around the table quickly before she tapped on Paige’s picture and confirmed her selection. It had been awfully strange that Paige had been the one to find most of the bodies before now, and perhaps her deductions about other Crewmates was all a front to keep herself alive. If both Leora and Giant voted for Paige, and then Paige herself and Wiley voted for Leora, then they’d both be spared, but the tensions if that happened were no doubt going to be unbearable.

The others all tapped away at their own screens and then the vote closed. Leora waited with bated breath, heart hammering in her chest, for the results to calculate.

Honestly, what kind of system was this anyway, making them send one another to their deaths? Why couldn’t the potential Impostors be contained instead to avoid shedding the blood of innocents?

Finally, their tablets beeped, and Leora looked down. She couldn’t help a soft gasp.

Next to Paige’s picture were, unsurprisingly, Leora’s red helmet and Giant’s black.

But there was also Wiley’s green.

“What the fuck, Wiley?” Paige demanded, although her voice was quickly drowned out by the loudspeakers.

“Crewmate Orange to be ejected. Crewmate Orange, please proceed to the Launchpad.”

Everything was still for what felt like hours, but was no more than a few seconds. Finally, Paige slowly got to her feet, her entire body shaking as she did so. She narrowed her eyes at Leora and Giant, then more hesitantly at Wiley, before marching towards the door. Leora swore she heard her swallow down a sob as she went.

It was only a matter of minutes before they saw the flash of orange through the windows as she fell.

Leora swallowed the lump in her throat, let out a slow breath, and turned to Wiley. “…You didn’t believe her?”

“Of course not!” Wiley still looked frazzled by the whole episode but he managed to give Leora a little smile. “I could never vote for you. Besides, people had been commenting that she was near the other bodies a lot of the time. Now we just need to vote off Bla—”

“Two Impostors remain.”

Wiley froze, his entire body going rigid, and he looked up at the loudspeakers as if he was sure he had heard that wrong. Leora could almost feel the realization wash over him and he slowly – so slowly, horrified – looked across the table at her.

“You…Y-you…”

Leora sighed softly, glancing at Giant from the corner of her eye, and he easily rose to his feet. She did her best to look at Wiley evenly. “Sorry, love. But…a mission is a mission.”

She couldn’t help looking away as Giant drew his knife and rounded the table to approach Wiley, but she knew the sweet, ever so naïve face beneath that green helmet was still watching her. She sucked in a deep, quavering breath.

A mission is a mission.

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fly-flower-fanfics · 5 years

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Change Me

Bruce Banner x Male Reader

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, depression

~~~~~~~~~~

I laid in the bathtub, water swirling around my hair. My ears were under the water, making everything around me sound muffled or drowned out the sound in general. It was peaceful, and I wish it would stay this way forever.

Tears rolled from the corners of my eyes into the water that circled my body. My past, my issues, whatever ran through my head, it was all too much for me. The Avengers wouldn't need me anyway. I was just normally a distraction for the villains so they could do whatever heroic shit they needed to do because my powers weren't helpful.

All what my powers were were a form of shapeshifting. I could manipulate my body to make it look like my skin was peeling off, and I was melting — being flexible was always a major help with that stunt. I could also make my body change colors and bubble like I was being poisoned. But that was pretty much about the extent of my powers.

Well, the extent of them that the Avengers knew of.

My body did one more power that I absolutely hated and cursed, and it also made me think that someone else was in my mind, that someone else was injected into my head when I got struck with that bolt of...of god knows what.

The other power my body did was not allow me to kill myself.

I tried overdosing on drug by injecting them into my bloodstream; my body toughened my skin to the point where it will shatter any needle that tries to go through. I tried cutting my wrists; my skin only toughened up further so knives can no longer hurt me, too. (I guess that came in handy when Loki gets aggravated because I let him stab me, change my skin color to red wherever he tried to hurt me, and feign pain. It always helped him.) I had also tried to overdose on pills; my body is incapable of swallowing pills. Half the time I even gag on jellybeans because my body think they're pills.

Every damn time I try to kill myself, whatever — or whoever — inside me causes me to live and makes it so I can never do that again. I just pass out for a little while and wake up in awful pain, almost like a hangover, and continue on with life.

It doesn't stop me from trying though.

I sunk my head entirely under the water, willing myself to breathe in. My natural instincts told me to hold my breath, and I fought them. My hands gripped the side of the tub and the wall to keep me submerged. My lungs screamed at me to breathe, and so I finally did, my brain forcing me to breathe.

My nose and throat stung and burned as water filled my lungs. It was a sensation that I had never experienced and as I blacked out, a part of me felt like I had finally done it for good this time.

I woke up, my eyes lazily darting around. I yawned, wondering why everything was so blurry. As I shifted, I heard the muffled sounds of water sloshing around. The more I woke up, the more aware I was that I was still in the bathtub and experiencing an incredibly painful headache.

I groaned and pushed myself up into a sitting position, rubbing my eyes. So I can breathe underwater now. Fucking great. I got up out of the tub, drying my body off and wrapping the towel around my waist. Another failed attempt.

My heart practically stopped as I looked up in the mirror. On my neck laid suits, four on each side. I touched them gently and flinched even though they didn't hurt.

Gills. I have fucking gills.

Frustrated tears built up in my eyes, and I opened up the cabinet that the mirror was on and slammed it shut. The mirror cracked, and a few pieces of glass tinkled into the sink.

"How the bloody fuck are you going to hide that, hm? You fucking did it this time," I scolded myself, but it didn't do any good.

I wanted to slam my head against the wall, but I was sure it would turn my skull into steel or something. Curse whatever the fuck was inside my head with me.

There were only two people I could talk to: Bruce and Loki. Both were my best friends. Loki would allow me to vent and spar with him, but he would distract me by using his magic and it eventually calmed me down. Bruce let me do science work with him since I had gotten a PhD in the field. Bruce would probably be the better option at the moment because he could probably comfort me more with science, even though he didn't understand why certain things happened to me.

I refused to let any of the group know how suicidal I was.

I left the bathroom, got dressed in my room, and headed towards the closet. All I was able to take was liquid medicine, and that shit hardly did anything, but I would throw up on pills so there was nothing else for me to do. I went to the kitchen to grab some water because I couldn't stand the taste of the bubblegum syrup.

"Are you alright?"

I turned my head towards the couch at the sound of Loki's voice. Only then did I realize it was pitch black outside. I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Yeah. Just...sleepy." Thank god I was a good liar.

"No one has heard from you since the afternoon."

"I was taking a ba-"

"Yesterday."

Shit. Had I blacked out that long?

"Took a long bath and didn't want to be disturbed," I answered, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. "Not feeling so great."

I plopped down on the couch next to Loki. It looked like he didn't fully believe my words but couldn't pick out what was a lie about them, so he let it go.

"If you are ill, you should be in bed."

"I'm going. Why aren't you asleep?"

He gestured to the book that was laying open in his lap, never once taking his eyes off of the pages to look at me.

"Oh, that's a good book," I muttered, reading over the first few paragraphs on the page. "Wait until you get to chapter five. I cried."

Loki chuckled softly, turning the page in his book with his magic. "You're a very emotional man. I shan't be concerned."

"Ooh, lookie here Loki. It might get ya. You've been around me for a while now." I got up, pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and gave him a soft smile. "Goodnight, Loki."

"Goodnight."

As soon as I turned my back, I allowed my face to fall and show the pain I was experiencing. I did need to sleep, there was no doubt in my mind. Thank fucking god he didn't look at me. I didn't know how I was going to explain the fucking gills on my neck, and frankly, I didn't want to at the moment.

I flopped down onto my bed, my face buried in the pillow. I just wanted everything to stop. The pain. My pain. How much everything hurt. Depression is a hard battle to fight. Memories are an even harder battle to fight...

Once again, I entered the world of blackness.

I wasn't sure what time it was when I woke, but I felt better, and I needed to talk to Bruce. I nearly left my room as I was before remembering my gills. Fuck. My gills. I did an about-face towards my closet and dug around in it. Turtleneck. I could wear a turtleneck. No one would question me wearing one because no matter what season it was, I could be found in one at least twice a week. For once, I was thankful for always being cold.

I made my way down the hall and to the elevator towards the lab where Bruce would no doubt be. But as I neared, I could see Steve, Tony, and Bruce all having a discussion. Steve’s arms were crossed over his chest, and Bruce’s hands were dancing wildly as he spoke. Both showed me that this was a serious discussion. I decided to just wait outside until they were finished. As I passed the door to go and sit in the corner, I heard Bruce talking.

“It’s in case you need to kill me,” he said, and I immediately knew that they were talking about the glass cage that never really seemed to work anyway. “But you can’t, Stark. I know. I’ve tried. I got low, and I didn’t see an end. So I put a bullet in my mouth, and the Other Guy spit it out.”

I fell deaf to anything else that was said. I put a bullet in my mouth. Not my Bruce. Bruce would never... he would never... New tears built up in my eyes as my heart broke. I put a bullet in my mouth. I knew he had depression, but I was never aware that he had tried to kill himself.

My feet carried me into the corner of the hall, and I sunk down against it, wrapping my arms around my knees. I put a bullet in my mouth. The words hurt more than I thought they would. Not that I would be ecstatic to hear one of my best friends talking about killing themselves, but they dug into my heart deep. Deeper than I ever thought words could go. Deeper than a best friend level.

I got up and ran towards the elevator, smashing the keys on it. I knew JARVIS probably wasn’t happy with me, but I didn’t care. I ended up in Bruce’s room. I dug through his shirts until I found his baggy tan sweater. I tore off my turtleneck and slid that on inside. The scent instantly calmed me, but his words still rung inside my head. I put a bullet in my mouth.

I wandered back out into the hall and back to the elevator. I asked JARVIS to take me down as low as I could go. I guess there were no hard feelings because he did so without a word. I found myself in the garage, heading over towards the motorcycle that Tony had designed specifically for me. I threw my leg over it and sat down, rubbing my fingers over the handlebars.

Is this what Loki and Bruce would feel if I told them I had tried to kill myself? Would they be just as distraught? No, they fucking wouldn’t. They don’t give that many damns about you. Would their hearts break the way mine did over Bruce’s words? Hell no. You’re out of your goddamn mind.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to case the thoughts away. It wasn’t easy because my mind then decided to settle on Bruce. Bruce and my feelings. The linger I sat there on my motorcycle in sweatpants and Bruce’s sweater, the more I realized that my feelings for him passed just friendship. I was in love with him. Holy fuck, I was in love.

I nearly laughed because after years and years of being...me, I didn’t think that I would ever be able to love romantically again. And yet... I did. Yet part of me was saddened by this realization because I knew that there was absolutely no way Bruce could like me back. Especially with all the secrets I kept from him.

I got off my bike and grabbed the set of spare keys I kept hidden in the garage. I didn’t have any shoes on, my sweatpants were barley clinging to my waist, and I was wearing a sweater that wasn’t mine, but I needed to get out. I knew I would be scolded and congratulated by different members of the team, and neither made me change my mind.

As I started my bike and drive out of the garage, I realized that I didn’t have a destination. I guess I just needed to drive and get away from everything. All the new things I realized and all the feelings that had been churning in my chest.

I wanted to just drive forever, but I eventually found myself parking back inside the garage. Thank god I didn’t get pulled over because heaven knows with how out of it I was, I probably missed countless stop signs. Hell, I’m lucky I didn’t hit something. I ended up chuckling lightly at that, even though I knew it was dark.

I headed back inside and as I stood inside the elevator, I requested to go see Bruce, wherever he was. JARVIS took me back to the lab where Bruce was now working alone. I stuck my head in and knocked on the open door, trying not to startle him.

His beautiful brown eyes met mine, making my heart melt. I found myself wondering how I just now realized I was in love with the man. I guess I really was the Dumb Gay that Tony always called me.

“Hey, Bruce,” I said softly as I walked in.

He gave me an adorable smile. “Hey.”

I found myself stopped in the middle of the room, fumbling with the sleeves of his sweater. It was a mistake to come in here with his clothing, and I realized it all too late. I only ever wore Bruce’s clothing when I was upset because I drowned in it. I was a lot thinner than he was — something that worried him and Loki — and Loki’s clothing was not big enough for me. I liked hiding when I was sad, and Bruce’s clothing along with his scent gave me that sense of security.

“What’s going on?”

His words pierced my ears, and they hurt. They hurt because I knew all the secrets I kept from him and all the lies I’ve told. They hurt because I now knew something about him that I wasn’t sure he wanted me to know. They hurt because I felt completely disgusting in his presence now. A devil in the eyes of an angel.

“Hey, David, what’s going on?” Bruce walked over to me and held my face in his hands.

That’s all it took for me to fling my arms around him and squeeze him in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Bruce. I’m so sorry.” The words tumbled from my lips and tear ran from my cheeks; both were impossible for me to stop.

Bruce only held me close and kept a hand on my head and back as I cried. He kept trying to reassure me that everything was okay, but I knew that it wasn’t.

Eventually, after I had calmed down, I was sitting on his desk while he sat in his chair. I fumbled with his sleeves more, and Bruce reached up to brush his fingers across the new gills on my neck.

“Since when did you have these?”

“Since last night,” I answered with a dry laugh.

Bruce looked up at me and the concern was clear in his eyes. I closed my own and let my lips go. My story spilled from them. Everything I lied about and everything I never told Bruce was falling out of them. All of it fell onto his ears.

After I finished, he was silent for a long time. I was terrified. I fucked up. I had to. He was disappointed in me. He didn’t want to be my friend anymore.

“I-I... you-you love me?”

When I opened my mouth, no words came out. Had I really told him that too? Oh fuck me. I closed it and bit my lip. “Um... y-yeah...”

A stupid little grin pulled at his lips as he pulled me from his desk into his lap. “I forgive you, you know,” he said softly.

I lifted my eyes to his. “What?”

“I forgive you. I lost track of the amount of times you apologized, but I forgive you. Depression is hard. Suicide is harder. If you have my back, I have yours.” Bruce leaned his forehead on mine, and I closed my eyes.

“I really wanna kiss you,” I whispered.

I opened my eyes and noticed that his cheeks were red. I cupped them in my hands and pressed a soft kiss onto his lips. His hands held my waist as he kissed me back.

“You look really cute in my sweater,” Bruce replied quietly.

I felt my cheeks heat up and I glanced back down at myself. The heat on my cheeks darkened as I realized I was sitting in his lap. I doubted that he ever realized he had put me in his lap because the Bruce I knew would never be so bold.

It felt like the world around us had stopped and it was just the two of us. Bruce and I. That was it. I felt lighter and happier than I ever had before, and it made me want to cry. To cry tears of joy.

I pressed my lips back against his, repeating the process over and over again until the two of us were breathless. Even then I didn’t want to stop.

“Bruce...Bruce be mine, please,” I whispered, rubbing my thumbs along his cheekbones. “Be mine. I can’t imagine my life without you and not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. I love you, Bruce. I love you. God, I fucking love you.”

Bruce laughed softly and smiled, this time making the move to kiss me. “I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”

I pressed soft kisses against his lips and cheeks, wishing I could just do this forever. I wished I could keep Bruce in my arms forever and always.

“I’m going to help,” I promised. “You and the Other Guy. You guys are mine. I love you. Both of you.” I paused and then my eyes lit up. “Bruce! Bruce I got it!”

He frowned, clearly concerned about what I had just ‘got.’ “And what’s that?”

I looked back down at him, holding his hands tightly. “I’ll drop a boulder on myself!”

“Woah. Woah woah woah, how the hell is that ‘getting it?’ And what the hell is ‘it?’ What is that going to do?” His concern made my heart flutter, and I kissed his lips to calm me down.

“I can’t kill myself. Whatever — whoever — is in my head won’t let me do it. Baby, I can drop a boulder into myself and then you don’t have to worry about crushing me as the Hulk. I’d be okay. You wouldn’t have to worry. You wouldn’t need to be afraid. You’d be okay, and I could help you.”

Bruce seemed to be heavily concerned about my idea, but I thought that it was perfect. One night of intense pain to result in not being able to be crushed would be so worth it. It would be worth it so I could help the man that I loved. So I could clam him down. Protect him. Show him I wasn’t afraid.

“Why don’t we just wait on that,” Bruce suggested, holding me tightly, “and maybe I can work on something to fix it...”

“Just kiss me,” I begged quietly. I was solid in my plan, and I just wanted him. I wanted his love, and I wanted to give him mine.

Our lips met once again. I would never grow tired of it. I’d never grow tired of the feeling of his lips on mine. I’d never grow tired of him.

#brucer banner x male reader #gay bruce banner #bruce banner fanfiction #bruce banner #x male reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel #marvel x male reader

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transstudiesarchive · 4 years

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Trans Poetry

These are some poems I wrote from 2017-2020. I first came to the realization that I was trans in late 2014, and these poems were written as a way for me to process my identity and struggle. Each piece’s title is a link to take you to where you can read it, and after the link is a brief explanation of my writing process.

who he, who she

Possibly the first poem I wrote about my transness, who he, who she was also one of the first poems I wrote that I feel best lends itself to being read aloud. If you can, please watch the video I’ve provided. This was written and performed in 2017, and that year feels like decades before 2020. Trans discussion and transness as a concept has come a long way in simply 3 years. At the time of writing, I remember I had the sentiment that my peers in the queer community knew having a trans identity was not a choice, but nearly everyone I knew over the age of 40 didn’t agree with that. As it was one of my first tries at poetry, as well as a piece meant to be read aloud, I tried to be blunt with my metaphor and simple in the feeling I wanted to convey. In later writing I would experiment a bit more with the text formatting of the writing itself to express the sentiment I wanted.

youtube

This post will be very long otherwise; If you’re interested, there is more poetry below the “Keep reading” cut, thank you.

fuck this, & fuck you

Written in 2017, I was processing my parents’ reaction to my coming out. Like I say in the video, this was something written in the moment. It was cathartic to write as well as to present, but these are feelings that I continue to process to this day.

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Venting Content Warning: Dysphoria, Suicide

Straight to the point, Venting is essentially a stream of consciousness writing. My perfectionist tendencies were still largely at their strongest though, so the amount of editing that has happened after writing the piece probably disqualifies it from that genre. The writing tries to be detached and explanatory of the events of my life up to the point of writing, but I let the emotion that overtook me while remembering to flow out into the words as well.

Doa Content Warning: Violence

I wrote Doa--pronounced “dough uh”--with the melody of this song in my head as I wrote. I’ve included the music video for the song to show the melody I wrote to. Doa is simply the acronym DOA(Dead on Arrival) pronounced phonetically. The title just sort of came out of nowhere. I remember wanting a title that portrays a hollow and somber quality. The open airy quality in the mouth when one says DOA as a word lends itself to this. The “uh” at the end of pronouncing “Doa” as a word also implied an unsure or inquiring tone; Perhaps the subject in front of the viewer looks dead now, but will that always be the case? I wrote Doa as a way to capture a snapshot of my depression. When writing this piece, I remember having a slight reverie in the sadness I was feeling in the moment. It was like my depression was an old friend that had come to visit me again. I once read about other people with depression experiencing something like this as well, and I was aware of the danger in it. This writing is just as much of a warning to myself as it is to anyone else with depression. Content Warning for blood and violence in the video.

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skullflame

A written channeling of my depression into anger at the politics of 2016 and ‘17. skullflame was written in response to President Trump’s ban against transgender people serving in the military as well as to the passing of North Carolina’s House Bill 2, the Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act. HB2 was a hot topic because it was a bill that amended state law to compel schools and public facilities containing single-gender restrooms to only allow people of the corresponding sex listed on their birth certificate to use them. It was partially repealed in 2019 by another bill, albeit in a way that further complicates being trans in North Carolina. If you’re interested in reading an article written when the “repeal” bill for HB2 was first being discussed, there’s an article here.

I’ve unfortunately lost the original piece, but this a link to an instagram post I made of the illustration. Link

I drew this a month later after writing skullflame, and this was my attempt at conveying what the skull in my mind looked like, a literal symbol for how my head felt like before the metaphorical surge of fire in the poem. I wanted to draw the skeletal hand’s pointer finger reaching into an eye socket as described in the poem, but I had no confidence I could draw the bones of a hand effectively. I don’t have much practice drawing, so I wanted to keep my subject small and limit myself to just the skull. I included the palm tree to allude to an oasis in a desert, like the desert dry winds in the poem, as well as to imply a haven or refuge. The refuge in the oasis is fleeting, as shown by the waterfalls that obscure the eye sockets. Conversely, the shadow of the tree onto the water is to show that despite the rushing water, the pool is still and calm, seemingly unending. But for how long that would be the case, who could say? With the tools I had, I wanted to convey a still moment that was simultaneously kinetic and in motion, similar to lightning in a bottle.

SoC 11/15/18, 5:30 am CW: Dysphoria/Internal Transphobia

SoC is an acronym for stream of consciousness. I wrote this while on an almost 2 hour long commute to a minimum wage job at a packaging warehouse. In my commute, I would walk for about a half hour. Despite it being below freezing temperature outside on a dark winter morning, I remember feeling compelled to type this into my phone and do my best to ignore the sting of the cold on my fingers. Any names mentioned in this writing have been changed. I wrote this to vent out feelings of depression, dysphoria, and my past romantic relationships.

facsimile Content Warning: Self Harm

I wrote facsimile intending for a short story rather than poetry. I was(and still am) captivated by the vivid imagery of human anatomy and body physiology in writing. The changes in perspective through the usage of pronouns are intentional. I feel a kinship with the concept of a shapeshifter.

pastresent feel

One of the shortest poems I’ve written. “Pastresent” is a portmanteau of past and present that is meant to describe those moments of my life where I found myself analyzing the past when I’m expected to be in the present and talking to someone. But it also acknowledges how much more clarity I have in my reflection versus the now.

spring-a-ting

spring-a-ting is one of my first experimental attempts with formatting in written poetry. Initially typed into a note document on my phone while in bed at midnight, I had a limited repertoire to work with. Written in late 2018, this piece is meant to evoke a nervous happiness I felt from a new relationship with another trans person, my gender euphoria, and to remind myself to practice mindfulness for the now and present rather than the past or future.

foreverfight

Currently the only piece utilizing special characters and color in its typing. foreverfight was first typed into a phone, then moved to a desktop to insert the symbols and colors. Using only the text editor, I wanted the characters to resemble pixels; the scrambled electric and gray snow of a garbled signal on a screen. foreverfight is meant to capture my struggle with depression as well as my processing of my black and white view of interpersonal relationships as romantic or platonic.

Inspiration

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until my mid 20s, and I still grapple with self-criticism of the executive dysfunction of my ADHD that I incorrectly call “laziness” sometimes. The most recent piece, Inspiration was written in reassurance to myself. But I also saw that it could be motivating for others to read, and so I hope that it is for you as well.

Thank you for reading!

Aisha

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shinneth · 5 years

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Gem Ascension Tropes (Peridot-specific: S)

Reference:

Primary Peri Post ▼ Primary General Post ▼ Full Article

Say My Name: Per canon with Steven, Up to Eleven. She cries out his name a lot in GA, even when the situation really doesn’t call for a dramatic cry.

Screw Destiny: After seeing Sapphire’s Prophecy in Chapter 7 of Act I, Peridot nominates herself to be the one who will ultimately be left behind while everyone else escapes Homeworld and safely flees to Earth. However, Peridot makes it clear that she has no intention of needlessly sacrificing herself and will do everything in her power to escape with everyone else without compromising their own safety. She spends the final chapter of Act I doing everything she can to make a difference and pays close attention to her surroundings to see what might cause her to succumb to the prophecy so she can avoid it. Peridot very nearly succeeds, but ultimately falls victim to her own clumsiness at the last second.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: After witnessing Sapphire’s vision of how the end of Act I will play out, knowing whoever is bringing up the rear in the Crystal Gems’ escape from Homeworld will be the only one to fall and get left behind, Peridot elects herself for the position. But, she makes it very clear to Sapphire that based on what she saw, nothing hindered the Crystal Gems’ escape based on the vision, so Peridot refused to interpret this as a necessary sacrifice. Since the vision wasn’t clear on what causes the remaining to fall in the first place, Peridot is very attentive of her surroundings during the final battle. The way it ends up playing out, Peridot can’t see anything that would cause her to fall (though the timed falling gates in the tunnel show her how she’d get separated from her group). She’s mere seconds away from reaching Steven and Garnet (who already made it to the finish line) before falling and getting Separated by a Wall from her friends. The reason for Peridot’s fall? Her own clumsy nature. Despite Sapphire interpreting Peridot’s position as a sacrifice while the vision didn’t show anything to suggest that being left behind was necessary, Peridot realizes her friends are initially unable to take off, as the spaceship is tethered to the makeshift chute she and her friends made when they first landed on Homeworld. White Diamond is no more than a minute away from reaching all of them, and while Peridot is very weakened and injured, she does have just enough strength to use her metal powers to sever the chute’s connection to the spaceship, allowing it to fully take off just in time.

Semi-Divine: Emerged as this, but said divinity was benign until White Diamond induced artificial growth of those elements.

Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Per canon, and Up to Eleven in this continuity. You could make a separate page of her alternative phrases invoked with this trope alone. Still also prone to Techno Babble.

Sexual Euphemism: Considering Peridot’s penchant for Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness, she has alternative verbiage for nearly every aspect of sexual activity that she uses in place of the usual terminology. She almost always refers to sex as “coitus”. But that’s nothing compared to her way of phallic phrasing…

Shapeshifter Identity Crisis: Discussed and downplayed; this is a legitimate concern Peridot has with her Chartreuse Diamond Alter Ego, but Chartreuse herself isn’t really that distinct from Peridot in terms of personality. Then again, there haven’t yet been many opportunities for Chartreuse to display any differences when she’s primarily there for a quick power boost, teleportation, fusion, or accidentally comes about when Peridot is mentally or emotionally unstable. Peridot does confide in Steven that Chartreuse is a bit less restrained when it comes to certain urges and especially has a dirtier mind (something Steven himself picked up on in Chapter 6 of Act III). Possibly justified in that Peridot doesn’t really want to give Chartreuse enough time out to really form her own distinct personality, though now that Peridot has accepted Chartreuse as part of herself in GA’s finale, that suggests she will have more of a presence in post-GA events.

She’s Back: After being Left for Dead in Act I’s finale and only being present via prerecorded messages throughout Act II (with just a small scene of how she’s faring in the present day at the very end of said act), Peridot is front-and-center again come Act III.

Shorter Means Smarter: Even post-ascension, Peridot’s one of the shortest members of the Crystal Gems, and of course is The Smart Gem.

Shut Up, Hannibal!: Whether she’s Peridot or Chartreuse Diamond, Act III shows several instances of her invoking this trope on White Diamond.

“Shut Up” Kiss: Gave one to Steven in Chapter 6 of Act I that doubled as a Motivational Kiss.

Sibling Yin-Yang: Zig-Zagged with 5XF. They led virtually opposite lives on Homeworld; once 5XF is brought to Earth, however, she displays several mannerisms and characteristics that Peridot happens to share. These details were brought to light with little to no influence of Peridot’s own, so they are quite genuine (whether 5XF admits to that or not). Despite that, 5XF at her core proves to be a very different person from her sister. At the very least, no one will confuse the two for one another and they’ll never be regarded as clones.

Sigh of Love: Peridot does this a lot, mostly in Steven’s presence after they become an Official Couple. Especially prevalent in the post-GA stories.

Single-Target Sexuality: Her behavior heavily suggests this for Steven.

Skyward Scream: What Peridot first lets out in anguish over losing Pumpkin.

Slashed Throat: The end result of Peridot being Tricked to Death by White Diamond, although subverted in that this doesn’t kill Peridot at all since she’s a gem. The point of White doing this was to invoke Your Mind Makes It Real on Peridot (which she succeeds in doing) to shock her senses enough so that it makes her lose consciousness. However, the lingering visual haunts not only Peridot’s memories, but also Steven’s… leading to some very significant changes in both of them down the line.

Sleep Cute: At the end of Bottled Up, this happens to Steven and Peridot on the roof of the beach house.

The Smart Gem: Per canon, she is this trope even more so than Pearl (outside of knowing anything about Era 1). Peridot retains this role even after becoming a Hero Protagonist.

Small Name, Big Ego: Per canon, even with her added Heroic Self-Deprecation.

Big Ego, Hidden Depths: Peridot has quite a few self-esteem issues, even more so than her canon counterpart. She can be surprisingly mature when she needs to be, and despite being so self-centered, Peridot doesn’t hesitate to put her friends before her.

Snark-to-Snark Combat: Engages in this with Lapis a few times; it’s the best way she can passive-aggressively vent her frustrations towards Lapis that don’t get properly addressed until way later in the story.

Social Climber: Exclusive to Peridot prior to her Earth assignment. She was very much The Backstabber variety. This trope can actually be credited for Peridot being able to ultimately become a better gem befitting the Hero Protagonist she becomes in GA, despite defining who she was at her absolute lowest point.

The Sociopath: Before she was promoted and assigned to Earth, Peridot was a very egregious one. Averted after meeting Jasper, as explained in This is Who I Am Chapter 3, where that experience alone forcibly shook this trope right out of her. However, a sliver of it must still remain, given the nature of Peridot’s Heroic Safe Mode…

Sorry That I’m Dying: How Peridot prefaces most of her messages to her friends in Act II.

Stepford Snarker: Peridot has her moments of this in Act I, but it’s most prevalent in Act III, right around the point where she’s holding the Jerkass Ball in Chapter 6 because she’s agonizing over the fact that she and Steven can’t fuse. She’s not ready to tell anyone else (and they’re on a mission, so it’s not the time nor the place), so most teammates who dare address her in early Chapter 6 will get some unwarranted sass.

The Stoic: Peridot emerged as one. She was the only one in her facet who felt no pain when her limb enhancers were equipped shortly after she emerged; so much that she barely even noticed it was happening. This helped make a strong first impression for Peridot, who later used the respect she earned from her early life to transition from this to The Sociopath. This trope was forcibly shaken out of Peridot courtesy of Jasper via a Near-Rape Experience when they were first assigned together. What little composure she had left after that was soon diminished entirely as her repeated confrontations with the Crystal Gems after getting stranded on Earth further pushed Peridot past her limits. Shortly before she was finally captured by her enemies, Peridot was such an emotional wreck that even the kidnapped Steven could tell the stoic demeanor he first saw her with was little more than a façade – and later defined it as an example of Homeworld’s oppressive way of keeping gems from truly being who they truly were. Late in Act III, Steven confirms Peridot truly not embodying this trope was what really saved the world, as he likely would have listened to Garnet and never freed Peridot from the Burning Room had he not seen her vulnerable side. However, much like her sociopathy, a sliver of this trope does remain deep within Peridot and only comes out in extreme situations that call for it – namely Heroic Safe Mode during Chapter 4 of Act I, as well as manifesting in her dark persona known as “5XG” in Chapter 5 of This is Who I Am.

Strapped to an Operating Table: Willingly at first, since Peridot’s aiming to get new limb enhancers in Chapter 4 of Act 1, and she needs to be strapped to such a device to have them applied. However, it quickly becomes a trap as 9FC ruthlessly mangles her limbs.

The Strategist: Single-handedly plans out the entire rescue mission in Act I. She proposes Lapis’ necessary change in combat style due to the change in environment, and she performs a great number of feats in the final battle on the first act seemingly on the fly. Downplayed after Act I, as she’s entirely absent for Act II and spends a good chunk of Act III either kidnapped or mentally compromised. However, Peridot’s still chipping in on plans by Chapter 5 of Act III; the role just becomes more of Pearl’s out of necessity.

Street Smart: For Homeworld, she is. She isn’t quite as sharp as 5XF in this ability (largely due to being a delusional egomaniac when she lived there), but Peridot is very well aware of how to behave in a way that won’t draw attention on Homeworld; hence why she’s the team’s navigator and guide.

Supernatural Angst: Peridot is afflicted with this early on in Act III when she learns that she’s an Unwitting Test Subject. While she comes to accept who she is by Act III’s conclusion, this never fully goes away.

Suspiciously Specific Denial: Always the reason why Peridot can’t lie her way out of a wet paper bag.

Peridot: “Are you suggesting I’m just trying to act tough because there’s a giant scary messy battle going on and it’s definitely not terrifying me? Because I swear it isn’t!”

Sweet and Sour Grapes: Arguably how one can sum up Peridot’s entire life in the GA continuity. See Cosmic Plaything for more details.

Swiss Army Superpower: The nature of having a power charged by will means Peridot (and Chartreuse) has almost limitless possibilities for how to utilize it. So long as she knows what she’s trying to do with her power and can picture it in her mind, Peridot wields the most versatile power one could ever have. Of course, with Peridot specifically, there’s only so much she can do with said power before it starts taking a toll on her corporeal form – in order to truly have the bare minimum of limitations, she has to be Chartreuse Diamond while wielding the power. Still, even with the power cap, the variety of utility inherent with Peridot’s will remains unmatched by any other Crystal Gem.

Symbolically Broken Object: The Dramatic Shattering of Peridot’s visor at the end of Act I after she trips and falls head-first into a metal-framed door. Serves as a punctuation to Peridot’s (presumed) fate to die at White Diamond’s hands when she was so close to escaping with her friends, and factors into The Reveal regarding her Mismatched Eyes.

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emily-james-barnes · 7 years

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Just You and Me (Part 1)

Summary: This is the first part of my Captain America: Civil War rewrite/reader insert. The reader is also a super-person, with shape-shifting powers. She and Bucky have been together since the end of Winter Soldier. Back story will be explained in later parts!

Pairing: Bucky x Shapeshifter!Reader

Word Count: 2,400

Warnings: language, angst, violence, imprisonment, reader injury/pain

A/N: this is my first Marvel story... so I’m kind of nervous. Let me know what you think.

Read the prequel

Bucky turned, the smile fading from his face and giving you a concerned look as you froze on the stairs. The two of you were returning to your tiny apartment after grocery shopping, bags still clutched in your hands.

"Someone's in there," you whispered, heart hammering in your chest. Your heightened sense of hearing allowed you to hear the soft footsteps across the creaky floor, as well as the steady heartbeat from whoever was inside.

“Dammit," Bucky muttered, "I should have known this would happen after that attack..." A bomb had gone off in Vienna at an important conference and news reports were blaming Bucky, despite him being in a different country at the time. But people were dead, important people. And it would have been naive to expect the world to leave the two of you alone, despite your best attempts to stay off the radar. The two of you lived quietly, being careful to lay low and not attract attention. It was easy enough in Romania, since people tended to keep to themselves. You didn’t even stick out as Americans thanks to Bucky’s lingual skills. "Where's your go bag?" He asked, searching your face.

"With yours, dummy," you muttered, earning yourself a lopsided grin. It was strained and it didn't reach his eyes, but it was there just the same. "What do we do?" You asked, setting the grocery bags down in the stairwell.

"We see who it is," Bucky muttered, running his flesh hand through his hair. "Stay out of sight," he ordered as he approached the door.

"Like hell I will..." you hissed, shifting quickly.

The two of you crept silently into the room. You were shocked to see Captain America - Steve, you reminded yourself - looking through Bucky's and your things. You had shifted into a squirrel, clinging to the back of Bucky's sweatshirt to remain hidden. He had growled in annoyance when you'd done it, but technically you were following his orders.

"Do you know me?" Steve asked when he turned and saw Bucky. Your heightened sense of hearing picked up on someone talking in the captain's ear, giving him information about incoming forces.

"You're Steve. I read about you in a museum," Bucky said in a flat voice. Why was he lying? It was true he’d gone to the museum, but he knew who Steve was. He'd told you about him. Steve seemed to pick up on that too.

"I know you're nervous, and you have plenty of reason to be. But you're lying." Bucky's shoulders tensed beneath you, making you anxious.

"I wasn't in Vienna. I don't do that anymore," he ground out, his voice deep.

They're entering the building, that same voice said to Steve.

"Well, the people who think you did are coming here now. And they're not planning on taking you alive," Steve said, making you tremble.

"That's smart. Good strategy," Bucky replied hollowly, looking around. You wanted to smack him upside the head for acting like his life meant nothing.

They're on the roof. I'm compromised, that voice was back, and you scratched gently at Bucky's neck in warning.

"This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck," Steve said urgently. Part of you wanted Bucky to just go with him, but you didn't know Steve, and it had been nearly seventy years since Bucky had known him either. Bucky paced a few steps away from Steve, shaking his head a little.

"It always ends in a fight," he said, sounding so very tired.

5 seconds…

"You pulled me from the river. Why?" Steve insisted as you prepared to shift.

"I don't know," Bucky replied.

3 seconds!

"Yes, you do."

The room exploded as men in combat gear flooded the room, smashing windows and doors. Bucky and Steve leaped into action, flinging tables and your makeshift bed as cover.

"Buck, stop!" Steve exclaimed as Bucky tossed someone out a window, "you're gonna kill someone!" Bucky threw Steve to the floor to get him out of the way, simultaneously punching a hole in the floor.

"I'm not gonna kill anyone," Bucky promised, making you feel warm. He was so much better than when you'd met him, had made so much progress with his mental health. He never wanted to kill anybody ever again, and didn't want to hurt anyone either, but these guys weren't giving him much of a choice. He ripped your packs from beneath the floorboards and tossed them hard out the window. You were supposed to follow, grab them and head to the designated meeting spot, but that wasn't happening when there were so many soldiers storming in.

You jumped from Bucky's back just as he barreled out the door, shifting into a grizzly bear. Steve swore in surprise and alarm, clearly not expecting that, but quickly recovered as you tore into the soldiers instead of him. He and Bucky worked their way down the stairwell, you shifting and darting around to cover Bucky's back. Steve kept looking at you in surprise or alarm, you couldn't quite tell.

"Y/N/N, what happened to the plan?" Bucky growled when you swooped by as a hawk. With a frustrated sigh you banked left out the open window into clear air. You circled, waiting for Bucky, and suddenly he launched out the same window, barely clearing the gap between the buildings and rolling when he hit the next roof.

You screeched as something practically fell out of the sky to go after Bucky, rolling gracefully to its feet. It was a man in a black suit, claws glinting in the sun as he flicked them out. He looked like a freaking cat. He and Bucky launched at each other, and briefly you wondered whose side he was on and how Steve fit into this mess. But you forgot that quickly as the man threw Bucky across the roof where he slammed into the side of a vent.

You were done watching.

"Hey! Pussy cat!" You hollered as you shifted to land nimbly on your feet, "Pick on someone your own species!"

The man turned towards you, halting his advance on Bucky. As he watched, you shifted into an enormous lion and snarled, baring dagger-like teeth. It was hard to tell if he was surprised or not, given the mask, but he paused briefly. Behind him, Bucky got to his feet, glaring at you for getting involved. You resisted the urge to snarl at him as the black suit advanced.

The two of you worked flawlessly together, Bucky dealing with hand to hand combat while you darted around and took advantage of any openings. When Steve arrived, knocking the panther back, Bucky took off, you following close behind.

Steve yelled something, but Bucky didn't seem to care. Guess there were three sides to this thing after all. He slid down the side of the building, hitting the ground running and sprinting down a tunnel, with you, Steve and the panther moron following closely. A man with metal wings darted in behind you, maneuvering carefully in the confined space. You tried to dodge him, but he still managed to knock you down, giving the other three a big head start. With another snarl and a shift, you slipped away into a new skin. The winged man yelled something to Steve about a crazy shifter chick, and Steve replied that you were on their team, or rather, with Bucky. Because there was a serious difference. You reminded him of that with a sharp swat, complete with claws the next time you got close.

That damn panther was relentless, attacking the flying guy - Sam, you figured out - and latching onto the car Steve hijacked to keep up. You shifted skins multiple times, going from a horse, muscles straining to keep up with the super soldiers, to a cheetah, which was faster, to a falcon that could dodge the rubble and soar right over the mess of cars they were creating. Bucky had found a motorcycle, flipping it around in a move that made you feel all hot and tingly, distracting you long enough for Sam to tackle you to the ground. Again.

You swore, shifting quickly to squirm from his grasp as the panther got to Bucky, flipping him off the motorcycle and sending him tumbling down the pavement. Steve was running to him, or away from the explosion and the car rolling after him - it was hard to tell.

But there was a problem.

Steve stood between Bucky and the panther idiot with his hands out, but none of them were moving. For good reason.

You kicked Sam away from you, running, pushing yourself to get there. No one moved to stop a massive golden lioness as you leaped over cars and rubble, claws clicking on the metal and stone, though a number of guns swiveled towards you. You shifted back to your human skin, earning alarmed looks as you pushed in front of Bucky.

"What are you doing?" He asked, half angry and half miserable.

"I'm not letting them take you," you said loudly, but you were cut off as something resembling iron man swooped in, blasters aimed at the three of you.

"Stand down, now!" The voice commanded, but you didn't move. "Congratulations, Cap. You're a criminal," it continued, looking at Steve.

Criminal? You glanced to Steve in alarm to find him scowling. Or you assumed he was scowling since all you could see were his mouth and his eyes. What was going on here? Bucky seemed to figure it out before you did.

"Go with Steve. He'll keep you safe," he said in a low voice. You resisted the urge to turn and glare at him, instead reaching back to grab his flesh wrist.

"I'm not going anywhere without you, Buck," you said desperately. He was all you had, and you knew what horrors he'd been through already. You refused to let that happen again.

"They're not hydra," Steve said, as if reading your thoughts.

"I'll still be me, doll, I promise," Bucky whispered.

"You haven't done anything wrong yet," Steve continued as soldiers advanced with handcuffs, "come quietly and I'll do everything I can to keep you out of a cell," he promised hurriedly, looking to you and Bucky. "I work with these people, they won't hurt you." You decided not to point out that they were currently threatening you with bullets. Steve looked grim, but allowed them to slap thick cuffs on his wrists. Sam was shoved forward roughly, similar shackles around his hands, but you were distracted as the panther pulled off his mask.

You knew that face. You'd seen it on the news.

"Your majesty," someone greeted. He was staring at you in awe, as if he was impressed by your abilities or possibly just surprised you were a woman.

He distracted you long enough for someone to latch another pair of handcuffs around your wrists. The contact and immediate restraint made you panic, jerking backwards and shifting automatically.

A jarring, searing pain ripped through you, sending you plummeting to the ground with a scream. Bucky had been going quietly, pinned on the ground, but as soon as you went down he roared your name, fighting to get to you. Out of instinct, your body tried to shift again, a reaction to the pain, an attempt to escape. But that same jolt came again, ripping another scream from your throat as you writhed on the ground.

"Bucky, I got her, I got her! Stop!" Steve yelled, and then you felt him kneel beside you, his restrained hands on your shoulder. "Breathe, doll, breathe. You need to calm down otherwise it'll just keep happening."

"Bucky..." You whimpered, shockwaves still rolling through your body, all from those damn cuffs.

"I know doll, I know," Steve said gently. Slowly, with Steve talking quietly to you, you calmed down enough to stop the automatic shifting, and subsequently, the pain. Chest still heaving and drenched in sweat, Steve helped you to your feet in time to see Bucky, covered in restraints, loaded into the back of a truck, looking downright murderous. You, Steve, Sam and the Panther moron were put into a separate vehicle.

"So you like cats," Sam said, breaking the tense silence. You almost laughed, unsure which one of you he was speaking to.

"Sam," Steve warned, but Sam wasn't having any of it.

"What? Dude shows up dressed like a cat, you don't wanna know more?"

"Fake cat," you breathed from your seat, making Sam snort.

"Don't even get me started on you, beast-girl."

"Don't start a fight you know you won't win, bird-boy," you sniped back, turning slightly in your seat to look at him. They'd taken his, Steve's and the panther's suits, leaving them in civilian clothes. And without their suits, they were a lot less daunting. To your surprise, Sam smiled a little, apparently amused with the banter.

"So, your suit," Steve interrupted, speaking to the panther, "vibranium?"

"The black panther has been a protector of Wakanda for generations," he said quietly, "a mantle passed from warrior to warrior. Now because your friend murdered my father, I also wear the mantle of king. So I ask you, as both warrior and king, how long do you think you can keep your friend safe from me?" You snarled a little at his words, fighting to keep your emotions down and prevent yourself from shifting accidentally. Losing control wouldn't do any good, not at all.

"You'll have to get through me, first, asshole," you said darkly, not bothering to turn to look at him, "and you didn't do so well the first time."

"Yes, your ability to change skins like that is… quite remarkable. Unfortunately for you, you chose the wrong side in this fight," he said, making your hackles rise again.

"Bucky didn't kill anybody! Will someone shut him up…?" you muttered, making Sam laugh.

"Oh, I like her," he said, "what's your name, anyway?"

"Y/N," you answered tightly.

"Okay, well I'm Sam, this is my best pal Steve, and that ass back there is T'Challa, but I'm guessing you put that all together by now," Sam said brightly. It was obvious that he wasn't taking all this very seriously. Putting up an indifferent, belligerent front to protect yourself in times of trouble; definitely something you were familiar with. So you decided you sort of liked Sam too.

READ PART 2

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #captain america civil war #rewrite #reader insert

230 notes · View notes

twistedstorm · 7 years

Note

All of the questions for the most recent ask meme you reblogged. The one you said in the tags you really liked.

Oh your god I love you dear anon for sending this!

Here we go:

1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called? Sassy, Champ, sissy, princess, sweetie pie, sarwhale, about a million others because most of my family uses nicknames for me. In real life I mostly go by Sarah or Seth but as you know on here I go by Zeta and prefer Ze or ZZ to anything else and honestly if it wasn’t for the fact that almost nobody in my real life would call me ZZ or Zeta I would go by those names in real life too probably.

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read? The entire Infernal Devices series, Styxx, Mark of Athena, Born of Fire, Magnus Chase, about a hundred more…

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? I doodle constantly. My doodles vary from little stick figure comics to weird shapes to just various lines filling up empty spaces and weird hearts and coffins and skulls and eyes…a lot of eyes….I really like eyes…oh and a tiny demon smiley face thing that I’ve been drawing forever.

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive? Well if I’m being honest I read, watch movies, imagine elaborate dream scenarios, or masturbate. Any combination of those four usually puts me to sleep. If none of those work I get up and get dressed and eat because there’s no point in trying after all that.

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it? Probably about four, if I had my ipod I could last at least seven. I’d just daydream or write and listen to music and dance and talk to myself or my characters in my head until I got bored, it’d be the boredom that drove me crazy honestly.

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? I’m a sentimental pack rat so I save everything from movie tickets to pressed flowers to paper wristbands to gift tags. I have most of my old birthday/Christmas cards from after I turned 10 just in random places all over my room.

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know? Me, my grandma is a close second though.

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? I don’t go to parties much but the few I’ve been to I always arrive with a friend and then stick to them like glue for the rest of the night or hiding in a corner texting someone about how I wanna go home…or if I’m drinking I end up dancing and befriending people by accident because drunk/tipsy me is funny and sometimes flirty (as long as a I keep my clothes on I’m happy though)

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be? Probably hearing or smell I’d say. I actually have really sensitive ears and can hear insanely high frequencies (like dog whistles) and I can pick up tiny little bits of smells for a long time (especially when I’m really hormonal, hormones make it so much worse. Seriously if it’s shark week I can smell everything and I will end you if you smell like something awful and you stand near me) although I’m allergic to body sprays and perfume and anything like that which really sucks….Anyway if I had to lose a sense….I can’t pick one….sorry but the idea of losing one really messes with my head so I’m not gonna think about it..

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? Lots….I used to do it to pint out my flaws to myself but now it’s usually because I think I look good and I like to see it to remind myself that I’m gorgeous just the way I am

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? That there was a tiny leprechaun in the vent in my bathroom ceiling….That’s the weirdest thing I can think of right now but there was probably weirder ones honestly….wait I know! I believed I was a straight monogamous cis girl for a really long time as a kid! That’s pretty weird for me seeing as how none of those things were right at all!

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? Boyband/Cheesy pop music and the Twilight movies/books, I love them and I will always love them no matter how awful and stupid they are.

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? I dunno….my mom’s pretty good about that stuff….but so are most of my friends….yeah I can’t pick so my mom and my friends all tie for it

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections? Never

15. Which animals scare you most? Why? Geese or flying insects or Goliath birdeater tarantulas or tiny spiders because every time I see any of these I am convinced that I am going to die and it will be because of them.

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? Both but avoidance is slightly more likely as I am afraid of conflict to the very core of my being and am bad at facing it unless I’m facing it for someone else’s sake.

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured? I dunno….one of my best friends told me he missed hanging out with me and that made me almost cry because I’m a big fucking nerd so there’s that one…I could think of more but I’mma just say that one for now

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? I’m still hoping for pyro or hydro kinesis or shapeshifting….or the ability to have a backbone and talk about my feelings like a properly functioning human

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain. Yes, I like my routines and I get really weird without them and will probably do them until I die

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain. I genuinely dunno, like maybe? Maybe not? I dunno

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits? When I walked for nearly three hours out of boredom and my calves hurt so bad that I could barely stand anymore like four days ago

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why? I have a small group of carefully chosen friends and many acquaintances but I prefer my small friend group because I like small groups and my friends are my favorite people on earth so I justreally love being with them.

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others? Both probably, like yeah I could probably take over the world alone but I’d be bored and lonely and it’d be so much easier and so much more fun with my nerds beside me

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? I share my weird experiences with everyone honestly so I can’t really think of anything…I guess I could go with the thing where sometimes the air from my fan in my room will hit my hears wrong and it always sounds like a creepy voice saying my name and it terrifies me so much that I sleep with a blanket over my ears so I don’t have to ever deal with it again.

25. What do you think about more than anything else? Right now it’s love/relationships/friendships. Specific to two people actually. I think about the possibilities for me and those two people and our relationships with each other and others and how everything is gonna work out and what I can do to help everything work out well and if we’re gonna be happy one day. Oh and how happy we’ll be if it works out the way I’m hoping because even my tarot cards say that it’s gonna be good :)

26. What’s something that amazes you? How much me and my life has changed in just the last year and how much more it;s gonna change in the coming times

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why? I’d rather people shoot straight with me, I can handle painful truth but I cannot deal with lies or sugar coating. Just say you’ve got to say and we’ll deal with it after.

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest? I have never had an out of town guest so I don’t know

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? My laundry, I hate it. It’s tedious and boring and I loathe doing it.

30. Do you have a catchphrase? I have a few actually: “So that happened” “I’ll eviscerate you with a shrimp fork” “Go fuck a cactus/ Get fucked by a cactus” “I’m not drunk enough for this” “In other news/On an unrelated note/wanna hear something weird” “I am a child” “The last living thing inside of me just died” “He can’t help you now” in response to anyone who says Jesus Christ and “I only have three feelings: Hungry, horny, and angry” are some of my favorites.

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them? I’m outspoken so I think it’s good as long as you know the difference between stating your opinion and being a bigoted or judgmental asshat who says shitting awful things and claims that it’s fine because you’re just “stating your opinion”. I do enjoy talking about different points of view though as long as the person I’m talking to is respectful of my beliefs (because I will make damn sure to be respectful of theirs) so we can have a civil and interesting conversation.

32. How and where do you prefer to study? Never and nowhere, I’m really bad a studying so I just don’t (or rather didn’t because I’m not in school anymore)

33. What position do you sleep in? On my back or either side, usually all three at some point during the night

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why? My own, so Calgary. Mostly because I grew up here and have never really been too many other places long enough to get attached

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? Sense of humor, love of similar or the same fandoms (excellent way to make friends), talking to me first cause I’m a pansy.

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? I’m the youngest of two, it’s mostly just made me want to beat my brother up but I feel like lots of people feel that way so I guess other than being called a “baby sister” and sometimes being treated like a total incompetent dumbass or pansyass crybaby for being younger it’s pretty much a whatever thing

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? I’d stop running away from my feelings and really say what was on my mind to a few certain people….also I’d have shapeshifting because it would totally help so much

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? Me and my dad or me and my mom or me and my brother or me and my sister, take your pick, they’re all fucked up in one way or another, some worse than others

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Zeta, without a doubt

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not? In a way yes and in a way no. Personally I would rather know and understand thing sin my life than not know but I also have days where I wish I could be a dumbass five year old again and not know how fucked up this world is so I could be totally worry free and happy for another five minutes

41. What do you consider unforgivable? A few things, cheating on me or heavily lying to me are pretty high up there for me or saying awful shit about me to other people to try and fuck me over is pretty bad too (also things like rape and hate crime obviously but I wanted to focus more on my own personal unforgivable stuff) and there’s more but I wanna be positive.

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? I’ve been working on it, it’s been hard and it’s gonna continue to be hard but I’m getting there slowly. I kinda figure if I can work on forgiving others I should be able to forgive myself too

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? I wish I could say nearly impossible but I’m kind of a pushover and I sometimes forgive too easily when I shouldn’t…Hell half the time I’ll just make up some excuse for the person in my head and pretend that they apologized instead of waiting for them to apologize because I know they won’t

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? Sure, I don;t feel like listing them but there are a few

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain. Either too much or not at all and it’s almost never the right choice for the right person (sometimes I get lucky and I end up with amazing friends in my life whom I trust with all of me and whom I would kill and die for)

46. In what area of your life are you immature? Most of them honestly. Like I’m a dumbass kid in the body of a tiny adult but I’m smart and I’m aware of what I know and what I don’t know and I like to learn new things and new views on life and I’m capable of defending my opinions on things and debating intelligently and being a reasonable adult but I’m also a dumbass kid who likes playing on swings and playing grounders and jumping in puddles so you take your own conclusions from this.

47. What was the best news you ever received? I dunno….hearing anyone say that care about me/like me/love me/are thinking about me is collectively the best news cause I crave that validation and affection

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? It can be difficult but I’m always striving to be an honest person which means I’m going to tell people the truth but I understand the difference between the truth and being an asshole to someone so while I won’t sugarcoat my words I will phrase them in such a way that I’m not needlessly hurting someone

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first? Most of my best friends. I met one of them first day of grade 10 in drama and that was it, we were friends and we’re still friends now (fuck I fell in love with him in fact because we clicked so well). Sometimes it just happens and when it does I usually try my hardest to keep the person around me because I think if we clicked then we were meant to be in each others lives one way or another.

50. When do you find yourself singing? Always, I sing everywhere and anywhere for no reason. I just love to sing and I hate keeping it in.

Thank you again lovely anon for sending this in! This was super fun and I loved answering all these questions so much!

Feel free to send me in more asks! Ask meme related or otherwise!

~ZZ

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