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bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue · 10 months

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Bebop Crew July Challenge, Day 1: Midnight

Thanks to the @bebopcrew community for the prompt list! I’ll be writing fics based on their July 30-Day Challenge all this month (if I can!); I’ll also be posting them to AO3 here!

Fittingly, I wrote most of this around/past midnight—my sleep schedule is so messed up these days that I’m most productive between the hours of 11 PM and 4 AM, so that’s probably when I’ll be getting most of these stories posted. So if you see me posting, for instance, my fic for Day 1 on what’s technically July 2, well…that’s what I have to say for myself.

This fic was also (minorly) influenced by @graysongraysoff’s first fic for Beboptober 2020, “3, 2, 1…Let’s Jam!”

Also, enjoy this rejected first line: “There are many benefits to being a marine biologist bounty hunter….”

As the clock ticked past midnight, Spike and Jet sat on neighboring barstools, keeping a sharp lookout for the bounty head who was rumored to pass through this bar tonight—or from a message from Faye indicating that the bounty head had visited the bar where she was stationed, instead. There had been no sign of the guy for a while, and the only messages from Faye just consisted of her complaints of boredom. (The bar was on a relatively remote asteroid, after all.) The anticipation and the silence—other than the occasional attempt at conversation from Jet or the crack of peanut shells (no drinks for them tonight, or at least minimal drinks; they needed to focus)—gave Spike a lot of time to think about the reasons he’d become a bounty hunter in the first place. The reasons he’d chosen this offbeat, freelance profession to fill this part of his life—such as it was.

Sure, the paychecks were irregular, often scanty, and—more often than the crew would like—nonexistent. And he wasn’t one to pretend that the money didn’t matter, that he was purely in the bounty-hunting business for the love of the job or whatever. And sure, one could go on and on about catching bad guys, keeping them off the streets, bringing justice to the world—and Spike supposed those were advantages too, though he preferred to leave the philosophizing to Jet. And they definitely weren’t the reason he’d picked up the work. Anyway, on nights like these—when he and Jet and Faye were in their element, and he was sure a fat stack of Woolongs was on their way—Spike preferred to focus on the more practical benefits of the job.

Spike knew he’d chafe in some corporate 9-to-5 job, or in retail or customer service, or in any position with set hours and fake smiles and a supervisor breathing down his neck. He’d struggle and squirm as if wearing an ill-fitting jacket. And he couldn’t imagine having to say things like “actionable items” or “let’s circle back” with a straight face. He often griped and complained about the woes of bounty hunting, but he was feeling unusually optimistic tonight, and he had to admit, the freedom that this job afforded him suited him perfectly.

Take the work hours, for instance. Twelve A.M. and he was wide awake, raring for a catch; in twelve hours he’d probably be passed out on the Bebop’s couch. And the job was so unpredictable that in another twelve hours, he might still be asleep. This was the kind of schedule that suited him; he wouldn’t have it any other way.

And to be honest, midnight wasn’t a bad time to be up and working. The sky outside the bar was pitch-black, but the streets hummed with life. As Spike looked around, he saw flickering neon signs, sporadic streetlights, headlights of cars and spacecrafts, and the occasional tiny flame of a lighter filling the darkness. And while he and Jet were quiet, the bar was replete with lively conversation, raucous laughter, and the sounds of games of pool, foosball, and darts, often accompanied by wild cheering. These were technically Spike’s work hours. This bar was sort of his office. The gun resting securely at his side served as his office supplies. What boring corporate job would let him say that?

For another thing, he didn’t have to deal with any stupid dress codes; he never had to memorize the meanings of words like “business casual” or wear the same polo shirt with the same embroidered logo of the same megacorporation as everyone else. He did business dressed up in a suit and tie because he wanted to, and, in his opinion, it looked stylish as hell. (As bonuses, it also allowed him a lot of freedom of movement and was very comfortable, as was evident from the few times Ed had stolen and wrapped herself in it, gleefully flapping the ends of the sleeves.)

Perhaps the best aspect of the job, though, was that every day of it was different. It brought the Bebop crew in contact with such a wide variety of criminals and other strange characters—from senile old chessmasters, to vindictive bombers using teddy bears as their weapons, to homicidal genetically-engineered clowns—that no two people they encountered were ever the same. And if Spike decided a bounty head was too boring, or too much of a small fry, he didn’t have a boss forcing him to take it. (More often, he had an empty bank account and a disapproving look from Jet forcing him to take it—but that was neither here nor there.) Also, the work took Spike and his crewmates pretty much everywhere in the Solar System. He was constantly on the move, never staying in any one place for long. It suited his restless spirit perfectly—and made sure that nothing, or no one, from his past would be able to catch up to him.

“Spike.” Jet’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. “That’s the guy.”

Spike glanced over to where Jet was gesturing, and sure enough, the muscular, grizzled man entering the bar, with a suspiciously gun-shaped bulge under his trenchcoat, matched the description in the criminal records and the picture on Big Shot exactly.

With a grin, Spike rested his hand on his own gun. “Let’s get him.”

Sometimes, when he was in a more brooding mood than tonight, he’d reflect on how his life never felt real. How it felt more like a constant dream he could never wake up from. The ephemeral, meandering nature of bounty-hunting, with its strange and amorphous structure, felt dreamlike sometimes, too. And for someone on the outskirts of society, seeking autonomy—well, he guessed that applied to his whole group of crewmates, in one way or another—it was perfect. As much as he liked to complain about the job, it fit him better than he’d like to admit.

And here he was now, in the dead of night in a random bar on an even more random asteroid, easily dodging the bounty head’s blows and landing his own—without making too much of a scene that attracted the rest of the bar. The fight was over quickly enough that the man didn’t even need to pull out his gun. Just the way Spike liked it. As he threw the final punch that rendered the man unconscious and Jet tied him up, he was completely comfortable. Relaxed. In his element.

There were worse ways to spend a dream.

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oddduckthatgirl · 4 years

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Sometimes you have to stop. Even August knows that. (I was terrified to write this so if you take the time to read it, thank you!)

Tagging @littlefreya who gave me a little nudge in the write direction. (see what I did there)

Warnings: safe wording, after care, mentions of abuse, mentions of emotional abuse, hints of pain play, anxiety, trauma, dom/sub dynamics, Cg(DD)/Lg (if you squint) If you aren’t comfortable with any of this shit please see yourself away from this fic!

“Aardvark.”

Your voice is muffled by a gag but you know what you said.

His eyes meet yours as he quickly removes the offending object. He cups your face in his hands and studies you with an intense gaze.

You try to pull away; you can’t stop crying. “Aardvark,” a ragged sound leaves your throat.

Before you can even register the movement, he has your body in his grip. He reaches up and quickly releases the knots that were holding your arms above your head.

You try to get away from him. The sharp stabs in your hands only serve to make the tears fall even faster. You have no strength to push back.

He gathers you in his arms, “Easy, baby girl. It’s alright. You’re okay. It’s safe. No more,” his voice soft but firm. You know you’re moving and can feel his body lower.

It’s like a dream and none of this feels real. “Stop Mike, please…,”wheezing out of you as the sobs take over you once again.

He pulls a blanket over you and holds you firmly against his chest, “ssshh, calm down my sweet girl. It’s me, It’s August. Come back to me.” His hand starts to rub small circles over your back. He can feel the heat coming from the raised skin just under his fingers, “You’re shaking so hard. I know you’re scared but I swear you’re safe now. It’s just you and me.”

Your chest continues heaving as you gasp for air. Everything is too much and not enough. You’re hot and cold all over. Your skin is touching his skin but you feel disconnected.

August knows this all too well. He’s discovered telling you exactly what’s happening makes things easier, “Y/n listen to me. I’m going to help you. We’re just going to breathe together okay? Just nod if you understand.”

You give the smallest nod against the wet spot now on his chest.

“Very good. Just do what I do Princess. You’ll be fine.” August has trained his body to follow his own desire. Even though he’s worried, he can regulate himself and take deep, calming breaths. He keeps a hand on your back and pays attention to the feel of your breath against his skin. Every time your body begins to relax, your mind clearly sends the alert back for pain.

He silently curses himself for not looking you over better.

Your eyes keep looking around for the danger but August won’t let you budge, “Where does it hurt? Can Daddy see?”

You stretch your quivering hands toward his. You can’t even form the words to say what’s wrong. You try to tell him that it feels like pins and needles in your hands but it comes out as noise. It’s frustrating.

He takes one of your arms in his large hands and holds it as if it was made of glass. He looks you over and sees the indentations from the ropes. He sees the raw skin on your wrists.He notices your hands are cool to the touch all the way to the fingertips.

He begins to softly work his thumbs into your hands,” I need to push into your skin to help get the circulation back. It will only hurt a little but I promise to be as easy as I can, okay?”

You nod your head and wince at the first bit of pressure. It makes you cry out and your head falls against his shoulder.

“I know baby. It’s okay,” he kisses your palms, “I know it hurts. Just let it out.”

He continues to work on your hands. Normally he would be completely breathless seeing the rope marks on your skin. This isn’t what he had in mind. You fought so hard you actually have broken the skin around your wrists.

The mention of your ex didn’t escape his attention either. Right in this moment, you aren’t in any condition to speak about that but August knows he inadvertently triggered a reaction in you. You may not have even been aware of it at all. Deep down, it makes his chest ache to know he caused you this emotional pain. He will fix this.

Your shallow breaths and cold skin start to worry him. Your hands don’t feel as cold as they were but there is a thin layer of sweat over your skin that isn’t going away. He pulls you tighter into him and reaches for the water he thoughtfully set out beforehand.

“Lover,” he coos while he takes the cap off the bottle, “I need you to drink this water for me.”

“Can’t,” you shake your head weakly.

“Yes you can,” he adjusts the way you are sitting so he can support your body with his leg and your neck with his hand, “just a little bit sweetie. Can you try? For me?”

He cradles your neck in his large hand as he offers the water to you. You swallow down the small amount he offers to you.

“That’s my good girl,” he scratches along your neck with his index finger, “can you try some more?”

“Mmmhmm,” you eagerly take it down. You grab his wrist, “more please?”

“It’s nice of you to use your manners, but you need to drink this slowly. Too much too fast will make you sick to your stomach,” he helps you take another small drink, “doing so good for me Y/n.”

He continues to offer praises and light kisses as he helps you to drink the water. Your eyes feel less heavy and the ringing in your ears has softened by the time you finish the water.

“Feeling a little better now yes,” his fingers tracing over the welts on your back. You jump once he runs over one place near your spine. He stops his hand over the spot, “I need to see your back,okay?”

You nod and try to control your breathing as he leans you forward. You can’t help the shiver when the blanket is pulled away and your body isn’t against his.

August finds a small cut that is clearly the source of pain. You took the cane so well and never asked him to stop. You weren’t even sure you could do that. He swelled with pride at how far you let him take you. He made sure there was nothing more than that.

He shifts you back to leaning against him, “it’s not deep. I’ll take care of it after we get you calmed down.”

“Please,” you weakly claw against his skin.

“Y/n. Tell me what you need,” he tilts his head toward your face, “even if you can only whisper it. Tell me.”

Your mouth makes a few attempts before you can quietly answer, “hold me.”

“Thank you,” he kisses you softly before taking you in his arms. He slowly sways his torso. He knows rocking is something you do to self soothe. He watches your eyes droop closed and feels some of the tension begin to move out from your shoulders. Your breathing is starting to even out and even slow. He smirks at how adorable you are when you’re completely wrung out.

“That’s my girl,” he strokes your hair and it earns a moan of approval from you, “but I can’t let you sleep just yet. Let’s get you all cleaned up all right?”

“Okay daddy,” a yawn creeps through. You try to sit up but your body doesn’t cooperate.

He chuckles, “let me take care of you sweetheart,” he doesn’t wait for your approval. He slides out from underneath you, keeping a hand around your waist to help keep you upright. He stands beside the bed and slides you to him. He lifts you with little effort and carries you into the bathroom.

“Okay baby. Can you reach out and grab a towel? My hands are a little full,” he wants to test your movements without you thinking about it. He also knows in this state you’d do anything he asks.

You reach out and take one of the special towels August keeps for you. They’re soft and they always smell so clean. He walks you to the toilet and closes the lid with his foot. You jump with the loud sound and turn your head into his shoulder.

“Sorry little one. I tried to be quiet,” another soft kiss to apologize. He takes the towel from your shaky hands and sits it over the lid, “can you sit without falling over while I fill the tub for you?”

You nod and pout at the thought of being away from him.

August softly places your feet on the ground while keeping your upper body pressed to him. He’s careful of the angry stripes on your back, “sit down now. Nice and slow.”

He guides your body down to sit. You become acutely aware of more pain and wince.

“I’m sure that ass of yours is sore,” he comments softly, “you needed correcting.”

“Yes sir,” you mutter as you stiffen your spine and pull yourself upright. It takes everything you have to tilt your head up to look at August.

He brushes his thumb over your cheek and then your lips. He kneels in front of you and rubs his hands over your thighs. Leaving one of his large palms on you, he reaches over to start the water for your bath. He carefully watches your face out of his peripheral vision. Your brow creases and he can see the tears forming. He pushes the plunger down in the tub and turns his full attention to you.

He caresses your thighs, tracing a long scar just over your left knee. He feels you jump but you don’t pull away, “Y/n. I know you don’t want to but you used your safe word. We need to talk about it.”

You lock your eyes on his, “are you mad at me,” your lip quivers.

He blinks back the shock from your question. He stands and holds his hand out for you. You place your palm in his and he helps you to get to the edge of the tub. He takes your hand and dips it in the water so you can test it. You nod to tell him it’s okay and he slides your legs over the edge and helps you into the water.

He turns off the nobs and then reaches to push the hair from your face, “Sweet girl, I could never be angry or mad at you for finding your limit and knowing that you can’t go anymore.”

“Then you’re disappointed.”

He shakes his head, “Not even close. You shouldn’t feel like you’ve let me down because you used your safe word. I’m proud of you for trusting me to stop when you said enough. Especially after what you’ve been through.”

Mike. Even that bastard’s name makes August’s skin crawl. That poor excuse for a man abused your trust. He broke your self esteem and made you hyper aware. You were young and didn’t know how to check him out. You couldn’t even have known then. This narcissistic sadist disguised himself as a dominant to take advantage of anyone who he could. The scars that were all over your body was evidence of that.

August began to wash your hair. He wanted to get every trace of him out of this space, “Look I know you don’t want to talk about this but we have to. I need to know what head space I took you to so that I don’t ever do it again.”

The feeling of his nails against your scalp was magical. You secretly wished he would do this every night. Tender isn’t the word that comes to mind when you mention August Walker.

Protective. Attentive. Possessive. Domineering. Alpha. Those are the first ones you think of. But this version of him, makes you weak. It’s something only you get to see.

You sigh, “I said his name didn’t I?’

“Mmmhmm,” he tilts your head back so he can rinse it.

Your eyes turn towards him, “you didn’t do it on purpose.”

He says nothing. He knows the power of silence. He gently pushes your head back to a normal position. He lifts your arm from the water and begins to wash your skin, taking care to look over the damage on your wrist.

You close your eyes to try to fight back the tears, “whenever M...I was with him, he would absolutely lose his shit if I so much as smiled at some guy. Not the same way you do; you’re just trying to watch out for me and protect me.”

He smiled at your understanding.

“If he ever had a passing thought that I may have spoken to another guy, he would really lay into me,” you sniffled back the sadness and pushed on, “he would call me a whore, slut, dumb cunt, whatever he could think of. Not his. But those words. He would do whatever he wanted to and call me all those things. Then he would just leave me alone. ”

August’s hands stilled on your back and he moved himself so he could meet your gaze. There was a softness in his eyes like you’d never seen before.

“I know you were just talking. You know I wasn’t flirting with anyone at the party. But when you said I was acting like a cheap whore, not yours…..something broke inside me,” tears rolling down your cheeks, “every strike with the cane was like it was against open skin. All I could hear was his voice saying those words again and I…..”

August crawled into the tub with you, got on his knees and wrapped you in his arms. You sobbed against him all over again, “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you in a way you wouldn’t like. I’m sorry.”

You nodded, “you didn’t know.”

“I do now. That’s what matters,” he squeezes you tightly. He lifts your face to his and wipes the tears away, “do you feel cleaner now?”

As it turned out, you actually did. This mystery of a man managed to help you wash away a memory you didn’t even know was lurking. This man who could easily cast you aside when things get murky. August, who was honest about not wanting a “relationship,” is right here with you when it’s hard, “I do feel a little better.”

“Good,” he gets himself out of the water and towels off. A cocky smirk drags across his face when he catches you drinking in his naked body with your eyes. The lust burning behind your eyes is something he craves, “see something you like?”

“Lots of things,” the blush is all the way to your ears, “even that face furniture. It’s a fun place to sit.”

“Easy now little girl. You need rest before I would even consider touching you,” he helps you stand in the tub, “maybe tomorrow morning.”

You feel his eyes on every movement. His hands are right beside your legs as you step out, a safe place in case you fall. Warmth spreads all over your body as he dries you. Seeing him on his knees before you, in such a submissive pose, you can’t help yourself. You drag your fingers through his wild, curly hair. He practically purrs and looks up at you.

“Thank you,” he folds the damp towel and drapes it over the tiled edge of the tub. His hand covers yours in his hair. Reluctantly he pulls you away from his scalp and tilts his head toward the towel, “sit.”

He watches as you lower yourself. He grabs another towel for your hair and gets the first aid kit he keeps in the linen closet. He also grabs the wet brush from a drawer in the vanity. You watch with complete contentment knowing he’ll take care of everything. You let a heavy sigh out which causes him to turn toward the sound.

He looks as you sigh and sees you tracing lazy patterns on the bath mat under your feet. There is a swell and a warmth in him that even Walker himself didn’t think was possible. He makes his way back to you and notices you’re softly humming to yourself. He thought it was cute. Only you could make him ever think anything is cute.

After toweling your hair as dry as he could, he brushes it out so it won’t be a tangled mess. Your whole body vibrates with happiness. This is the piece of this you love the most; someone taking care of your every need and being able to shut off your brain. All those thoughts that were screaming in your mind from before have fallen silent. All you can hear is the beautiful melody that is August and how he loves you. He doesn’t say it but the way he tends to you and ensures your happiness is enough for you to know.

August begins to rub lotion into your skin, concentrating on the welts and rough places. He also cleans and bandages any cuts into your skin. He kisses each place he bandages, which makes you giggle.

“I love you,” you can’t even stop yourself from saying it, “I love you August Walker and I don’t care if you won’t say it.”

He gives you a hard stare, “it’s time for bed.”

It’s his go to mode whenever you get too emotional. He takes control and becomes neutral. You slowly stand and shrug your shoulders as he puts a hand on the small of your back. You take the cue to walk to the bedroom. You slide into the bed and let him spread the blanket over you.

He settles into bed and pulls you into his chest. His fingers run up and down your spine and your eyes start to feel heavy. He softly kisses your forehead and begins to watch as you fall asleep in his arms. Never, in all the things he ever wanted for himself, was something like this on the list. He’s stripped this beautiful creature raw, took her apart and put her carefully back together. Taking the time to fix what’s broken so all her edges are polished smooth again.

Watching her sleep in his arms, he’s finally able to rest. He takes a deep breath and squeezes her to him. He breathes in her scent and opens himself to what he couldn’t think possible.

“I love you. More than anything.”

#august walker #august walker fanfic #august walker x you #august walker x y/n #soft august #sub reader #aftercare #henry cavill fanfic

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confusedinfj · 4 years

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Cognitive Functions and What They Look Like Explained with Objects

I’m going to attempt explain the cognitive functions better than I have before, and hopefully in a lot more depth. The risk with this is that it could be wrong, but at least an attempt was made. I’m not an academic or anything, I’m just writing from observation/experience stuff that I find helpful to understand. Hopefully this can help you type yourself more accurately too! All functions are described as they are in the first 2.

I hope this helps you see how EVERY FUNCTION IS IMPORTANT!

And no. None of these objects really make sense.

Fe: The Thermostat

A thermostat can’t feel whether it’s hot or cold itself, but it can feel if you are! And depending on how fancy your thermostat is, it will cool you or heat you until you’re just the temperature you want to be. That is its single goal in life: to keep you comfortable. If you’re sad, it will try to fix it.

Basically, Fe is about everyone being genuinely happy and comfortable. It wants to be in touch with other people and respond to their needs accordingly. It’s not necessarily good at showing or expressing this, but that’s its aim.

Well developed Fe is the function that encourages open discussion of problematic feelings that it KNOWS are right there - remember, it can FEEL them, cos it’s a thermostat. Poorly developed Fe ignores unspoken problems and pretends it’s a good little thermostat anyway.

If you’re upset with a Fe user, just tell them calmly. If you need space, just tell them calmly. If you’re angry, tell them why. READJUST THE THERMOSTAT. Don’t be surprised when the Fe user does the same - that’s their way of trying to keep everyone happy in the long run. Good Fe believes arguments are necessary. Bad Fe is passive aggressive and let things build up until they’re too big to handle. If you sense your Fe user is doing this, approach them about it and get it out while you still can. Fe users don’t talk about issues with emotions most of the time - they speak about feelings clinically. It helps if you explain to a Fe user how the problem makes you feel, but also that you still love them.

High Fe - is a natural thermostat. It doesn’t even realise that’s how it operates, it just DOES. High Fe users can struggle to even FEEL that they have their own problems, and can easily be ignored as a result (sheeple). As their Ti develops, they should become a little more self aware, and better at turning their natural thermostat off every now and again so they get a break. A key feature of high Fe users is that they’re just ALWAYS THERE. You might hate them, get sick of them, find them annoying, or feel like they don’t understand you... but they’re always there. Always trying. Immature high Fe is very sensitive to extreme temperatures, but with Ti development comes a bit more separation and ability to help you through, even if you’re not responding to their attempts at cooling/heating you. Because constantly living as a thermostat requires you to learn that SOMETIMES you just can’t change the weather. So at the end of the day, even though they’re not a T type, well developed high Fe users can actually be less sensitive and more useful in a rough patch than their low Fe counterparts.

Low Fe - is a thermostat with emergency settings. It kicks in at unusually high or low temperatures and gets it back into humanly-survivable temperatures. As Fe develops, low Fe users become more sensitive to other people’s temperatures and can regulate the environment a little better. While low Fe users aren’t naturally very sensitive to your extreme temperatures, they can become suddenly overwhelmed and deeply upset if things go too far and they’re the reason you’re not doing so well. With good character development, which is totally SEPARATE from MBTI, a low Fe user can become just as good at maintaining the perfect temperature as a high Fe user. It will just take a little more effort and skill. BUT, since they’re not always used to being a thermostat, they’re not always aware of what’s the weather and what’s their fault. So at the end of the day, even though they’re not an F type, well developed low Fe users actually seem to be more sensitive and fragile than their high Fe counterparts.

Fi: The Thermometer

The thermometer can’t really do anything about the weather - it can just tell you what’s going on. Fi users are very sensitive to what’s going on around them, and feel the need to regulate the climate they’re in as much as possible. That is: going against their own feelings can actually be painful for them. They feel a very strong NEED to be who they are. Fi is about being in touch with yourself and your own emotions/beliefs/you name it. Bad Fi can easily be selfish, but good Fi has the capacity to help where Fe stands... clueless.

Good Fi values you feeling good too! Fi users CAN apply their thermometer to others and get a reading on how hot/cold their climate is. They can’t feel your emotions like the Fe thermostats, but if you express emotion they can essentially measure it. Good Fi users try to help you in any way they would feel would be helpful if they were in your shoes. This means Fi users are much better at showing sympathy than Fe users.

If you’re upset with a Fi user, you have to tread carefully. They can be easily hurt, and will definitely take things the wrong way if you don’t articulate it correctly. The clinical approach of Fe users is often not appreciate, because it’s interpreted as cold, uncaring, or worse - nasty. You’ll have to express a lot more emotion when talking to a Fi user. From what I’ve found, you have to approach Fi with Fi, so I’ve never managed to do this successfully. It always becomes a fight for like an hour until finally the Fi user understands what I was trying to say. So, from what I’ve found, Fi finds the Fe approach hostile, but responds better to genuine displays of emotional vulnerability.

High Fi - is a natural thermometer. It knows what it’s feeling, what it believes in... all that jazz. It finds it hard to compromise its feelings and beliefs for ANYTHING or ANYONE. It can be kind and sensitive as a result, but also very fragile and easily overwhelmed. Well developed Fi users learn to work through the emotional instability of thermometer life, but immature Fi can be unstable and selfish. Te development helps high Fi users get on with things and move through whatever they might be feeling. They can apply that same resilience to others who are suffering, and inspire people to get through their emotional lows. So at the end of the day, even though they’re not a T type, high Fi users can function better under emotional pressure and inspire action better than their low Fi counterparts.

Low Fi - is a thermometer that is usually ignored in favour of getting things done. This means high Te users can be confident and headstrong most of the time, but occasionally have dramatic shut-downs into low Fi. And since they usually ignore their thermometer, they don’t really know what to do about it. HOWEVER, well developed low Fi users can learn to apply their thermometers to others with some skill. And they can be more overwhelmed by others’ emotions because their Fi is so low. So, at the end of the day, even though they’re not an F type, well developed low Fi users can be more sensitive and sympathetic than their high Fi counterparts.

Te: The Car

The car is designed to get you from point A to B without death or injury. It’s complex, but not too much can go wrong at any given moment. The process itself is fairly simple: engine sparks, wheels go round - drive. Te wants to get to point B quickly, and is focused on action and outcomes. And if you stand in its way, you might get run over. It isn’t necessarily focused on the steps required to get from point A to B, it just sees the end and drives.

Well developed Te values doing things effectively as well - not just getting them done in the first place. This means Te users can be persuaded to change their approaches and routes providing you can argue that it’s worth it. Te is good at seeing potential in other people, but can make the mistake of seeing the end point and missing the starting point or steps required to develop.

If you’re upset with a Te user, you’ll have to appeal to Fi. No one likes criticism, not matter how high a T function is! However, high Te users can tolerate and even appreciate the Fe approach to relationships and conflicts, providing they’re not having a low Fi moment.

High Te - This is life in the car, on the road. Always heading towards a new goal. However, contrary to popular opinion, Te users can actually be very kind and considerate! Providing they’re well developed, Te aims to take care of the people it loves. High Te users can fall into the Te trap of seeing the person’s potential without recognizing they’re not quite there yet. They can be very idealistic and romantic in relationships because their Fi is so low. They can also be angry little cars who run people over if they’re poorly developed or just mean. This is why Te users have a reputation for being cold and controlling. I’ve found Te users only really act like this when they’re succumbing to low Fi.

Low Te - This is the car that mainly sits in the garage, but occasionally comes out for a Sunday drive. Although, poorly developed low Te looks like saying mean things just to hurt people when you’re upset, or provoking people for a reaction.High Te users definitely go through phases like this when they’re young, but low Te users are more open to these problems when they’re older. Well developed, low Te helps high Fi users overcome their overwhelming feelings and get through things. It may even help them compromise if they absolutely must.

Ti: The Aeroplane

The aeroplane is designed to take you over long distances very quickly, and as safely as possible. There are back up systems, back up systems for back up systems, and multiple things can go wrong if you forget to do even one simple thing. It’s a much more dangerous process than driving, but it’s also much faster if you’re trying to go far.

Ti is about understanding things so that you can run your life well. Poorly developed Ti is dysfunctional, but well developed Ti can get you pretty far with very little effort! But unlike Te, Ti isn’t as focused on the end destination so much as it is on the steps required to get there. Every little detail matters, just like on an aeroplane. And if even one small detail has been misunderstood, the Ti users’ entire understanding of something can go crashing down like an aeroplane. They MUST understand the parts to understand the whole.

If you’re upset with a Ti user, you can refer to the Fe section. Ti users prefer a clinical approach to emotions simply because they want to UNDERSTAND rather than be overwhelmed by negative feelings their thermostat will detect once you start crying in front of them. Ti will then engage thermostat measures to ensure relationship contentment.

High Ti - Life in the sky as a pilot. The Fe thermostat doesn’t matter so much when you’re trying to make sure you don’t fall out of the sky. High Ti users aim to understand every small thing in life. Poor high Ti users have a faulty misunderstanding and drive everyone insane arguing they’re right. Well developed Ti users have a good understanding, but often enjoy arguing anyway, just to make sure they don’t have any flaws in their understanding. When you’re arguing against yourself, you have to know your stuff pretty well! While they’re not given enough credit for it, high Ti users can be very considerate in relationships, and aim to understand their loved ones just as well as everything else. Ti isn’t satisfied with a functional understanding, so it may provoke and tease to better understand people. And when it goes too far and upsets people, the emergency thermostat kicks in to fix the problem.

Low Ti - life in the sky as a co-pilot. Low Ti users prefer to take their cues from someone ELSE - preferably the pilot (high Ti user). Low Ti users can be overwhelmed if they have to take on too much responsibility or have to understand too many small details. Then they can feel like a co-pilot taking control of a plane after the pilot has died and the plane is spiraling down. They’d rather do what they’re told and keep the pilot happy! But they also take comfort in knowing that - if it really comes down to it - they can fly the plane and land safely. They like knowing they have back up systems, back up systems for back up systems, and are capable of making it out alive.

Ne: Google Search Auto-predict

You’re not even finished typing, and Google already has 10 ideas about what you might be asking. That’s the Ne brain - branching out, and out, and out... sometimes a bit TOO out.

High Ne - Google search auto-predict is always on. It all happens at once, just like how Google suggestions change with every letter you add. And when you finish your question, it’s kind of disappointed you didn’t ask one of the 10 other more interesting ones. Easily bored, always sees a better option... but also very good at picking which option is most realistic. May or may not care.

Low Ne - random auto-predict. Because sometimes Google doesn’t predict anything as you type? That’s a weird phenomenon. But then it’ll just suddenly appear halfway through a sentence? Yeah... like that. Poorly developed low Ne can mistake every new idea as a great idea, but well developed low Ne knows which ones are worth listening to :)

Ni: Google Search Results

Did you mean...? Not only shows you every single possible thing on what you Googled, but also shows you what could be immediately connected to it.

High Ni - Figures out what you’re looking for based on a few key words that may or may not have made sense - understands your typos. Does it all in seconds, doesn’t really understand the algorithm. Just does it. Can take you down a rabbit hole for hours. Forgets about time as a concept. Sometimes connects strange things, but somehow makes sense anyway. Usually isn’t wrong about what you were Googling. Bad Ni thinks it knows everything though, and forgets it needs to add things to its database. Good Ni is always learning MORE

Low Ni - Like the 20th page of Google Search Results. Doing the same thing as high Ni, but not as effectively. Might have a few conspiracy theories in there. Might’ve misunderstood your question or taken the typos literally. Occasionally gets it right, but the best results are usually on the first page anyway.

Se: The Camera

Takes a picture of the moment, every detail rendered exactly as it was.

High Se - High focus camera, good colour, good lighting - the kind of pictures you want to keep forever and frame. Se knows what’s right in front of it. It doesn’t miss anything it can see. Might not understand what’s about to happen, but knows what IS happening.

Low Se - Like a polaroid camera, and the pictures might not be worth keeping. Awkward shots that are accurate but not great quality. Might be blurry, not really able to see faces... just a LITTLE bit out of focus, so that you miss something that was pretty obvious. Has a kind of artsy vibe though.

Si: The Diary

Recorded everything, but from a very subjective point of view that may or may not be accurate. Is structured so that it can be read again and again.

High Si - A very detailed diary. Concerned about detailing every aspect of life. Some pages have been ripped out. Sometimes pages are inserted to add in additional information that may or may not alter the entire memory. A nice little organised diary that’s written very neatly.

Low Si - A diary that gets an entry once every 6 months or so. Still valued and personal, but a lot is missing. Since it’s less tended to, pages are less likely to be missing or replaced - so what’s written is probably more accurate. There’s just not that much of it. A very badly written diary that’s got coffee stains and might not be entirely legible.

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ka-za-ri · 4 years

Text

Personal Assistant Pt. 5

Hello all you new people. I hope you’re here for the filth, because that’s all I bring to the table these days. Enjoy the surprise! Diavolo. Tag list at the end

Part 1: here Part 2: here Part 3: here Part 4: Here Part 6: here Part 7: here Crossposted to Ao3: here

Pairing: Lucifer x Reader Lucifer x Diavolo x Reader Wordcount: 5,500 ish Genre: Endless fuck buffet Tags: Multiple Orgasms, Toys, vibrating panties, orgasm control, rope bondage, Threesome, Spitroasting, Summary: Yearly inspections are the worst. Especially when there are last minute ones scheduled for after work hours.

Inspection

Things felt tense after Lucifer revealed his true form to you. At first, you had wanted to pretend it was all a dream; that you had somehow imagined the whole exchange. However, the soreness you felt between your legs that lasted days told you otherwise. If you closed your eyes, you could still feel his seed spilling from your abused cunt when he finally pulled out that fateful night. It was no dream, the bite marks and welts all across your skin told you as such.

Returning to the office after spending the weekend recovering, he acted as if nothing special happened between the two of you. You shouldn’t have expected anything more from him; but it still stung a bit. Lucifer had been so sweet and tender that night; you had started to believe that he might have seen your relationship with him as more than a ‘professional’ one. It was foolish of you to expect change from him.

Change would be implemented at his pace. He would always be in control of that.

There was no time for your mind to dwell on your bruised emotions. As soon as something settled in one department, another department would report something broke and would need your attention. Time at the office settled back into its usual ebb and flow of business and before long, months had passed. The initial bitterness you felt from his indifference faded. You were back to your usual self, ready to please him however he wanted you. Even if he hadn’t shown his true form to you again since that night, you were always ready to take it if he felt the urge to do so.

Once the rush to ensure supplies for the back to school ‘season’ was over; you thought you’d have a moment to breathe. You thought there would be a lull in work until the holidays. Even if sales were dipping; it didn’t mean that things in the office would calm down at all. Yearly building inspections were coming up and you would have your hands full from overseeing them.

You were used to two, maybe three, guests coming into the office in a day. Usually, they were all department heads or representatives of other companies Lucifer had acquired. Having multiple strangers coming in several times throughout the week to poke and prod at every corner of the office had you stressed to say the least. You worried they would find things that they shouldn’t. The most scandalous items were kept in locked drawers; but you still couldn’t help feeling a little apprehensive about nosy people you didn’t know.

Leave it to Lucifer to want a change during this time as well.

“Put it in before they get here.” he said first thing in the morning one day. You hadn’t even unlocked your drawer full of the usual toys when he approached you. He pressed a small vibrator into your hand, leaned in and whispered into your ear. “You’ve only got a few minutes before the inspectors get here. Did you need help, or can you manage?”

You swallowed hard, your mind frantically processed what you needed to do. You were wet enough to take it, that wasn’t the problem. It was the issue of whether or not you could keep your composure while strangers were in the same space as you and Lucifer. When you glanced over at him and saw the self-satisfied smirk on his face, you knew you couldn’t deny him; nor could you disappoint him. “I can manage.” You said, quickly wrapping your fingers around the small toy.

It was such a tiny thing compared to what you were used to that putting into place was practically trivial. Bending over where you stood, you spread your legs and pushed your panties to the side, showing off just how wet you were. You could hear Lucifer hum in approval as the little toy slipped right between your lips and nestled itself against your clit. You straightened back up smiling sweetly, just seconds before the door opened at the building inspectors came in. “Ah, we have guests. I’ll show them around.”

“Please do. I’ll be at my desk.”

You approached the men at the door. They were already looking around at the decor and the light fixtures before you even introduced yourself. “Welcome, gentlemen.” you greeted smoothly, gesturing to the first corner they would look at. “This way to the waiting area.”

They followed you, quickly writing down notes as you explained all the safety features set up in the room along with answering any questions they had about adding features to the office. “Oh, well, we have considered a large screen television on one of the walls for video conferences. But, at this point, we are focusing on uh….” You stopped mid-sentence when the toy in your panties jumped into life.

“Uhm?” The man asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Sorry, I forgot where our priorities were for a moment.” You said, feeling heated about the scandal that was happening right in front of them. You smiled weakly before continuing. “Our priority is to expand our customer service department. Most of our resources will be funneled to there to ensure that they have the supplies they need before we make any other changes to this room. We don’t expect any remodeling plans here until at least next year.”

“Ah. Well. make sure you put in a request for a permit if you plan on drilling into any of the walls.” The inspector said, before whispering something to his partner who was taking notes about everything in the room. “Where would you plan on placing it if you were to remodel?” “Ah, right this way.” You could feel Lucifer’s eyes on you as you walked across the massive office. The toy no longer buzzed against your clit, laying dormant until the next moment he wanted to see you remain calm under pressure. “We have a rather empty corner here, it would probably go right along--” you paused, blinking rapidly and focusing on the task at hand and not on the sudden onslaught of sensations your clit was feeling. “Right here.” You said, gesturing at the wall currently only decorated with a rather generic looking painting.

They walked over, tapping on the wall, checking the hidden supports and mumbling amongst each other as they continued to take down notes. You breathed slowly through your nose, hoping to not bring attention to how much your knees were shaking from Lucifer’s long distance teasing. Just a quick glance back at his desk, you saw him looking over papers and working on his computer as if no one else was in the room. Sometimes, his eternally composed demeanor could be so frustrating. Frustratingly sexy, that is.

Your whole body was tense, conflicted on what it should be concentrating on. Your hormones screamed to be unleashed so that your body could fully enjoy every little bit of pleasure it was feeling. Your brain struggled with your instincts, tamping down on your needs in a futile struggle for control. As if they could sense you were nervous, the men looked at your trembling form, trying to reassure you that so far everything was currently under regulation standards.

“We’d like to do another once over of the room, just to make sure that we got all our bases covered. Will that be alright?”

“Yes, of course.” Your smile felt so strained and when you thought you could collapse in defeat, the sensation stopped all together. You could have heaved a deep breath of relief, but that would have given you away. Instead, you went back to deep breaths in and out through your nose while the inspectors took their sweet time to really go through everything in the office.

They took hours, knocking on walls, poking at light fixtures, tugging on outlets and discussing amongst themselves if things were in compliance. So far, nothing truly caught their eyes until they stopped to look at the ceiling a few paces away from Lucifer’s desk.

“What are these hooks up here for?” One man asked, pointing upwards and fumbled over your words, unable to come up with an answer. Had they always been there? Then again, you never had the need to actually scrutinize the ceiling fixtures to take notice of them.

“Ah… Uh…”

“Hanging plants.” Lucifer said from his desk. He had his hand in his pocket, no doubt fidgeting with the controller to the toy pressed up against your folds. “I often get gifted one or two every year from friends or family for my birthday. Unfortunately, I don’t have a green thumb, so they don’t last long in here; but it would be rude of me to not try and take care of the gifts they give me.”

The men chuckled good naturedly, understanding the predicament that he went through. “It’s bolted in, yeah? Some of those things can get pretty heavy.”

“Oh of course.” He continued the discussion all the while casually ramping up the intensity of the vibrations of the toy in your panties. “I had someone come in and install it, watched him bolt it down and then hang off of it for a few minutes to prove that it’s here to stay.”

Everyone shared a laugh at the silly story, you included; however, it felt like whatever sounds came from your mouth were strained and forced. Everything you did was to hide a moan of pleasure or a shudder of ecstasy.

“Well, that’s all we have for the day then. Everything checks out. Here’s the report of everything and a few notes on that TV you want installed later. I also put down how you’ll need to go about applying for a permit when you get that done.”

“Thank you for your foresight. I’ll be sure to put that information into good use. My assistant will see you out then.”

“Yes, right this way.” You said, hoping your voice wasn’t shaking, though you did see a flash of concern on one man’s face when you spoke. You put on your best customer service smile and started walking, keeping what felt like your whole lower body clenched to stave off the incoming orgasm.

The walk from one end of the office to the elevators felt like a trek through an endless wasteland. There was nowhere to run and hide. You had to survive your trial through sheer force of will and for Lucifer, you were determined to succeed.

“Thank you for taking your time to see us. We look forward to seeing you next year.” You said while waiting for the elevator to arrive. “I hope the office passes again with flying colors.”

“Oh, we’re sure it will,” One man said, flipping through the pages on his clipboard. “We do have a few more stops after this. Which floor is sales on?”

“Ah, they’re going to be from floors 10 through 15. It’s a rather large department.” You grit your teeth, watching the numbers above the elevator door, wishing they would change faster.

“Thank you. We’ll see you next year.”

“Yep! See you next year!” You waved cheerfully at them when the doors finally opened and the men stepped in. As soon as they were gone and you saw the floor number change, you rushed back into the office. You were barely a few steps in before you got the look of approval from Lucifer who was standing in front of his desk, leaning against it; waiting for your return.

“Good job.” He praised, smiling softly at you.

He didn’t need to say anything else. Those two words expressed all the permission you needed to fall to your knees and cum in front of him while he kept vibrator going at the highest setting. You fell over, writhing and moaning, clawing at the floor beneath you as wave after wave of euphoric pleasure washed over you. His name fell from your lips in a mixture of curses and platitudes. You knew he was watching you come undone, and that just made it all the hotter for you.

You gasped for air when you finally felt the vibrations slow to a halt. Your inner thighs coated in your essence and you reeked of sex. Lucifer walked over to you, kicking your legs open before bending down and flipping your skirt up to get a better look. His finger trailed up your slick thigh, pausing at your ruined panties before pushing them aside to take back his little toy. “I think you deserve to go home early for your hard work.” He said quietly, holding the vibratior up to his face and licking your essence off of it.

“I… there’s still so much to do.” You complained, thinking about all the filing you had neglected recently as well as the data entry you needed to finish before the month ended. Also, you were really looking forward to possibly having his cock in you after work. It was Friday, after all.

“It can wait. You need to go home and get cleaned up.” He slid your skirt back down and stood up. “There’s another inspection that’s scheduled after hours which I’ll need you here for.”

You blinked, you hadn’t seen that in your schedule, but you didn’t want to doubt him. With it being hours, there were a multitude of things he could have meant by ‘inspection.’ Whatever the hidden meaning behind his words were, there was no point in denying him.

“Should… I wear my usual lipstick?” you tentatively asked, slowly getting back up on your feet now that you had feeling in your legs again.

He smiled, giving you the barest of nods. Bingo. You had guessed the right intention. Your heart fluttered at the anticipation and you scrambled to get your things in order to prepare yourself. Internally, you hoped you would be able to feel his demon cock in you again, but truthfully, you would take any chance you got with him.

“See you at seven.”

“Yes, Sir.” You mumbled, already halfway out the door, already fantasizing what he might have planned for you.

Little to your knowledge, he was about to exceed all your expectations.

The hours you had between arriving at home and when you had to be back at work seemed to drag on forever. You had already taken an extra long shower, washed your hair, laid out the best outfit you had, and done your makeup. Yet, you still had an hour to wait before heading back out. You laid listlessly in bed, staring at the ceiling and watching the fan above you spin. Eventually, you managed to fall into a light doze, your dreams filled with vivid images of how Lucifer had taken you previously while your imagination supplemented you with new ideas. With how he had toyed with you during your work hours; your mind went into overdrive thinking about other scenarios that little vibrator could be used while you were on the clock.

By the time you made your trip back to work, refreshed from the shower and a nap, a majority of the employees had already gone home. There were a few stragglers who worked overtime or the night shift, but overall; the building was eerily quiet. Even the ride up to the office seemed to be subdued and muted. When you stepped past the heavy glass doors, Lucifer was already there, waiting on you at his desk. He beckoned you with a flick of his wrist and you hastened your pace to greet him.

“You’re right on time. Good.” He pulled you close, giving you a deep kiss and wasting no time in getting you riled up. His tongue traced your lips before delving into your mouth while his hands worked at getting your clothes off of you. Ever being the best assistant he had, you helped his cause, undoing your skirt, stepping out of your heels and fumbling at the buttons of your blouse.

He pulled away, and you could see the deep red glitter in his eyes. He pushed you back if only to help you out of your blouse, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. His gaze traveled up and down your body for a brief moment before he nodded in approval of your choice of lacy underthings. “Red and black… very good.” He praised before leading you away from his desk a few paces.

You noticed several hanks of silk rope resting at the top of his desk; but you didn’t have much time to think about them when Lucifer spoke again. “I’ll have to work quickly… our guest is due to arrive at any moment.”

“G-Guest?” You asked, suddenly rather self conscious of your exposed body. Lucifer paid no mind to your nervousness. He simply a length of rope, unraveling it and coaxing your body to how he saw fit.

“Well, I did say we had one last inspection today, didn’t I? Surely you didn’t think I was going to be the one conducting it.” he snickered, pulling your arms behind you and tying them securely. You wiggled your fingers, seeing how much give he had put into the ties. His knots were firm, just shy of cutting off blood flow; though you were sure that your hands would be numb by the end of the night regardless of how tight his knots were.

The ropes he used crisscrossed your body, framing your assets in the most flattering way. Your breasts held up perky and taught while a network of knots wove down your abdomen to focus attention to your crotch. It felt good to be bound, almost as if the ropes were hugging your body and keeping you safe.

Lucifer reached for another length of rope, this time, threading the length through the hook at the ceiling. “You know… It’s not meant for plants at all.” He said, referring back to the conversation you had earlier with him. With this series of knots, he picked your leg up, suspending it high and leaving you to balance precariously on the ball of your other foot. Your pussy spread open wide for anyone to see. You could feel your body heat up as cool air passed your nether region. Just to make sure you were properly secured, Lucifer anchored the rope trailing from the ceiling to your arms, distributing the weight across your whole body. You were tilted to the side, forced to use your one unbound leg to keep balance. It was difficult as you were suspended just to the point where if you lost focus, your whole body would sway. “It’s meant to hold a lot more weight than just some hanging vines…”

“Oh, am I too early?” A voice called from the door. Looking over, you saw the silhouette of a rather imposing man. In the dim light, you could make out a shock of red hair and broad broad, muscular shoulders.

“Ah, just wrapping up right now.” Lucifer said, patting your head gently once the final knot was in place. “Feel free to come over.”

With your whole body on display like this, there was no hiding how aroused you had gotten while Lucifer had done his work. The way his fingers deftly tied and secured those knots against your body had made you want more of his touches. Everything had been done with such efficiency, you had no time to savor what touches he gave you.

You could hear heavy footsteps approaching and when the stranger finally came into view, you could finally see who your mystery guest was. He stood rather still, as if he knew you were taking stock of everything. Despite his size, there was a delicacy in his features. His messy red hair only made everything about him much more striking. The most breathtaking feature of all were his gold eyes.

“This is Diavolo.” Lucifer said, introducing you to the man. “He’s the owner of our sister company, Devilgram.”

“A pleasure to meet you… Sir…”

“In his presence, you may refer to him as ‘my Lord.” Lucifer corrected.

“My apologies, my lord. I was unaware of your appropriate title.” You lowered your head in shame, expecting reprimand.

However, Diavolo only laughed, a sound that seemed to fill the room and bounce off the walls. “There’s no need to apologize for something you didn't know.” He reassured, patting the top of your head gently. “I am the guest here, I should be apologizing for being rude and not providing you adequate information to be prepared.”

“Well, your request for a meeting was rather last minute. This is the best I can manage.” Lucifer quipped. “Next time, give me at least a day of notice.”

“I will, if I remember.” Diavolo said, nonchalantly waving away Lucifer’s obvious irritation. He circled you, running his large hands across your body and examining your every curve. “Lucifer has told me so much about you.” He said, tracing your raised leg, stopping to tease at your slit once he reached the apex of your thighs. “Does she know…?”

“She is well acquainted. Yes.”

“Then, if I may…”

“No. Not on your first time. I don’t want you to break her.”

Diavolo chuckled at Lucifer’s curt replies. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what they were talking about. With a name like Diavolo, you were sure he and Lucifer were the same. “Alright, alright. I’ll take it easy this time then.”

The red head’s hands were so big, they seemed to be everywhere on you at once. Your breasts, your ass, your abdomen, your thighs. Despite their size, he was gentle, squeezing you in the right places and making you sigh in anticipation. Eventually, he tipped your chin up to look at him before he swooped down for a deep kiss.

Diavolo’s kisses were so different from Lucifer’s; but no less intense. There wasn’t a need to control every reaction that came out of you; but there was an energy about him that took your breath away. As the two of you made out, one hand snaked its way between your spread legs, parting your folds once your panties were pushed aside to slide up and down your sopping wet slit. “You have her trained so well.” He said, impressed with how easily you coated his digits.

“I hope you didn’t expect anything less from me.”

“Oh, absolutely not.” Diavolo chuckled again, shedding his blazer and tossing it to the side. “It’s pretty warm in here, isn’t it?” He asked while taking his clothes off himself. The tie at his neck came off next, followed by the white dress shirt that barely kept his muscles contained. Once bare, you had the pleasure of seeing his ripped abs and massive chest for yourself and you salivated at the vision before you. There was a growing bulge in his pants that he started to show off in his little strip show; and, you were very invested in seeing what you were going to have to deal with.

Just as he was starting to undo his pants and reveal the outline of what he was packing to you, your attention was sharply taken away from the show as Lucifer grabbed you by your hair, tilting your head up to meet with the tip of his cock. You hadn’t even heard him get undressed, yet there he was naked as the day he was born and hard as a rock. “He’s not the only one in this room.” Lucifer growled, a hint of possessiveness in his voice as he pressed the tip of his cock to your lips.

You eagerly took him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip and whatever else you could fit. With your eyes locked in on Lucifer, you had no idea what to expect with Diavolo until you felt his hands at your waist, holding you steady from swaying too much. “Think she’ll be able to handle it like this?” He asked, his tone rather chipper for how sexually charged the air was around the three of you.

“She’s been trained well.” Lucifer said, his grip on your hair tightening. “Isn’t that right?”

You moaned into his cock, a sound of affirmation that you hoped would get the message across. Lucifer didn’t think it did, pulling his dick out of your mouth and you took deep gasping breaths, sticking your tongue out towards him, wanting to go back to sucking and licking it. “You were asked a question….” His tone was firm, the pain of his grip in your hair warning you to not test him further.

“Y-yes, my Lord.” You confirmed. “I have only received the best training from my Sir..” As soon as your sentences were complete, Lucifer went back to stuffing your mouth with his cock and you eagerly sucked every inch he shoved into you.

“Well, then don’t mind if I do.” Diavolo said, pushing the tip of his cock into you and you screamed against Lucifer’s length in your mouth. You had expected him to be big, but nothing prepared you for the stretch that you felt when Diavolo pushed into you.

It was hard to breath. With your mouth full of dick and your pussy being pushed to its limits, you felt tears starting to form and drool pool at the base of Lucifer’s cock as your mind reeled in all the sensations at once. Despite being unused to the size of Diavolo’s cock, there was something familiar about it, as if you had felt it before. The girth and the length had been something you experienced at least once. And the moment he bottomed out in you, everything clicked

That one time on the desk. When Lucifer watched you fuck yourself, it was the same fullness and feeling of deep penetration as that one time. A sadistic grin spread across Lucifer’s face when he saw the recognition dawn on your face. In that moment, his grip in your hair tightened painfully, pulling you forward to take every inch of your cock down your throat.

You screamed in protest, but were helpless to stop what they did. Diavolo’s strong, sturdy hands kept you as still as possible while he slowly started to move in and out of you. You took whatever breaths you could in between Lucifer’s rough trusts down your throat. Your vision was blurry from tears, but you didn’t need to see when you were being used so thoroughly.

They worked in tandem, a rhythm that had made you scream into Lucifer’s cock. The slow pace Diavolo had started with was soon replaced with a much faster, brutal one once he realized your body’s limits. Even if you were being held steady, you could feel your body sway back and forth in your suspended state. Every time Diavolo buried himself into you, Lucifer pulled out of your mouth, giving you a split second to breathe before he was down your throat again. At the same time, Diavolo would pull out from your pussy until just the tip remained, leaving your body feeling empty and craving for more.

“So tight.” Diavolo praised, angling his hips upwards to get even deeper into you with his thrusts. “I can see why he needs to fuck you at least once a week. I wouldn’t be able to get enough of this.”

Lucifer remained silent, focused on face fucking you while your other partner claimed your pussy. Having two holes being used at the same time felt so great, you hadn’t even noticed how close you were to cumming until it happened. You moaned loudly into Lucifer’s cock, making him hiss at the vibrations that traveled down his length and your walls clenched tightly around Diavolo, causing him to dig his nails into your hips while he struggled to catch his breath. Lucifer pulled his cock out, letting you take much needed deep breaths while Diavolo stayed still, keeping himself buried inside of you but not moving.

Then, all of a sudden you were empty and you were falling. The sound of scissors cutting the ropes that held you up rang through the room and you collapsed onto the floor, falling onto the clothes that had been strewn about. You let out a loud yelp when you hit the ground, able to find balance without your arms.

“Aww… I guess she wasn’t used to multitasking like that.” Diavolo whined. “I was hoping we could all cum together.”

Lucifer tsked, getting you on your knees and pushing your shoulders down so that your ass was left up in the air. “Well, it’s not like I have the capacity to train her to do that.” He grumbled. He joined you on the ground, kneeling in front of you and pulling on your hair to raise your upper body to meet his cock again. “But I’m sure you’re a faster learner, right? You’ll get it right this time.”

“Ye… Yes Sir.” You said, wincing at how hard he was holding onto your hair, but not saying anything about it. “I’ll make us all cum at the same time.”

“Good girl…” He said, and once again your mouth surrounded his cock while Diavolo crammed his length back into your pussy.

It was easier to control yourself now that you were grounded. You didn’t have to think about balancing, you only had to focus on staving your orgasm off until all three of you were at your limits. You moaned into Lucifer’s dick, redoubling your efforts to suck him off to completion while your hips pushed back onto Diavolo, encouraging him to go deeper and further into you to chase his own release.

In this new dynamic, the two men also gave into their desires, moaning as they thrust themselves into you. Diavolo turned out to be a man who preferred to grunt compared to Lucifer who liked to moan breathily. The sounds of sex echoed in the office, the wet slurping noises from your blowjob were accompanied by the equally wet and sloppy sounds of skin hitting skin while Diavolo took your cunt. It didn’t take long for you to start feeling the tell tale pressure of another orgasm building up in your abdomen. The most important matter was now making sure you had control over it until the other two were ready.

“Nngh… I’m close… what about you?” Diavolo was the first to admit his climax was approaching.

“Yes… yes…” Lucifer hissed in reply. “I’m so close…”

In reaction to that statement, one of Diavolo’s hands reached around your waist to rub at your clit, bringing you to where they were, right on the precipice of release. “Now… let’s cum…” He declared with all the authority of a lord. And you obeyed without question.

Hot semen filled your holes all at once. Your walls milked the giant cock buried in your pussy while you struggled to swallow the load that was blown into your mouth. Even with your best efforts, you could feel some of Lucifer’s seed dribbling down the corner of your lips. Your pussy fared similarly, filled to the brim and leaking cum as the men emptied themselves into you.

There were several long minutes of heavy breathing and soft moans of pleasure before they left your body. Lucifer being the first to pull out, letting you breathe, the grip in your hair loosening as he moved to undo your bindings. Diavolo stayed inside of you until he was sufficiently soft, groaning as he left your warm pussy, but admiring the way his seed dripped out of your gaping hole.

With the ties finally gone from your arms, you flexed them gingerly, letting blood and feeling come back to them. The rest of the ropes came undone as well, and when you were finally free from it all, a beautiful network of marks crisscrossed your body, likely to remain on you for a few days at least. They would serve as a beautiful reminder of the night you shared with these two men.

Using the discarded clothes as a cushion, Lucifer pulled you into his arms, laying you down and curling around you, spooning you from behind. Diavolo followed suit shortly after, sandwiching you between the two of them and simply watching you as you drifted out of consciousness.

“Very good.” Lucifer murmured, burying his head into the crook of your neck and dozing alongside you. “You did so well…”

“Thank you, sir…” You mumbled, already half asleep.

“Lucifer.” He corrected, pulling you tightly against him.

“Thank you… Lucifer…” You murmured right before properly passing out.

“So, did we pass inspection?” Lucifer asked softly, placing soft kisses on the top of your head, peeking over at the larger man as he cuddled you. He’d keep you close, pressed up against his chest, synching his heartbeat with yours until you had to leave in order to catch the last train home.

“With flying colors.” Diavolo said, grinning from ear to ear.

Taglist: @ptv-hades @bluelipsblueveins-blue @utopiamiroh

#Obey me #Obey me fanfiction #Lucifer x reader #Lucifer x diavolo x reader #Obey me smut #Lucifer x OC #Obey Me AU #My writing #i'm trash you're trash we're all trash

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randomkposts · 4 years

Text

Hello

I figured I should start with wall of quotes. Cause whynot

Quotes “It's hard to hate my prep team. They're such total idiots." - Katniss.”

“Here's some advice. Stay alive.” “The cat that Prim got hates me, I think partly because I tried to drown it.” “District 12: Where you can starve to death in safety.”“No. Now, shut up and eat your pears."

” It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death." "Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-”“Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.”

“Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.”

"Well, leprechauns. You know they're not real, don't you?""Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist and that I am not a gibbering moron."

"I majored in Ancient History. You have your own page in the 'Criminally Insane' section."

"Really, Butler, I must begin choosing my business associates more carefully. Hardly a day goes by when we aren't the victims of some plot.""The punching is not helping my concentration, by the way.""Oh, brilliant. I must write that one down in my witty retorts book."

"The pixie is crazy! Give me your gun, Holly. I'm going to shoot him.""Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"

"This is a well. You might think that there is something to it... But in fact it is just an ordinary well."

Woman in Ur : Hey, where are you four brats off to now? What...? You're going to go save the world...? Did you get hit on the head or something!?

Gilgamesh : Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT IS MORPHING TIME! Galuf : Bartz! Stop that! Bartz : But it's fun! poke, poke, poke... Bartz : Jumping Christmas!

Edgar : "That's Shadow! He'd slit his mama's throat for a nickel!" Kefka : "This is sickening! You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! Prepare yourselves!" Locke : "Hey! Call me a TREASURE HUNTER, or I'll rip your lungs out!" Edgar : "If something were to happen to me, all the world's women would grieve!" Setzer : "My life is a chip in your pile. Ante up."

Yuffie : So! I saved the great Vincent Valentine! Do I get any thanks?

Squall : Right and wrong are not what separate us and our enemies. It's our different standpoints, our perspectives that separate us. Both sides blame one another. There's no good or bad side. Just two sides holding different views. Squall : I dreamt I was a moron...

Seifer : Great, I have one chicken-wuss and one kid who just entered puberty in my team! Squall : ...Whatever.

Auron: The red carpet has teeth. Auron: Outside the dream world, life can be harsh, even cruel, but it is life.

Rikku: Memories are nice, but that's all they are.

Kimahri: Pick spot. Shut up. Wait.

Rikku: Do you think we need a password? Paine: How about 'Kick..it's..ass' Paine : The hardest person to know is one's self.

Raogrimm: People are capable of kindness beyond angels, yet we also commit sins that would put a demon to shame... Lonely Chocobo: Warkkkkk!!! Gweh!!!! Warkkkk

Naja Salaheem : (After Abquhbah faints when he realizes that he's speaking to the empress) Nothing to be concerned about, Your Magnificence. Mercenaries are trained to sleep anywhere, anytime if the opportunity presents itself.

Lightning: Worst birthday ever. Lightning: It's not a question of can or can't. There are some things in life you just do. Lightning: We live to make the impossible possible! That is our focus!

White Mage: Hi. I was just wondering if you knew how much we've suffered because of you. Good day. [after finding the Falcon Rydia : It's not yours. Edge : That's okay, it would be happy to be used by us!

...That's General Leo.. He could be my friend if he weren't my enemy.

You think a minor thing like the end of the world was gonna do me in?

"What a cute doggy!' "Leave us. The dog eats strangers...'

This should be fun. When do we leave?

Read my lips - mercy is for wimps! There's a reason "oppose" rhymes with "dispose"...If they get in your way, kill them!I don't care for the appearance of this pitiful little hamlet... So burn it!!

Figaro Guard : Kefka's "One shy of a six pack!" Imperial soldier : I oppose peace! Narshe resident : Narshe is a neutral city.! We want no war here, but that %#$@& Empire won't listen! South Figaro Resident : We may be thieves, but at least we have goals in life!

Cyan: This is the Phantom Train. It carries the departed to the other side. Sabin : Wait! I don't want to go THERE!

Strago: Go to your room! Relm : I will not! What a fussy old man! Strago : Relm! Is that you, my dear? You're alive! Relm : Idiot! Of course I'm alive! Strago : Oh, I'm so happy..." Relm : Did you think I was gonna check out before you, old man? Strago : You're as foul mouthed as ever, bless your heart!

Shadow: I know what friendship is... and family...

"It's not my problem."

"Don't fight here! You'll ruin the flowers!" "I think they believe I have what it takes to be in SOLDIER!" "Mine is special. It's good for absolutely nothing!"

Don't need no appointment... This is a 'mergency! Anyone who don't wanna get their face bashed in better git outta the way!! "I've got the wrong person."

W-wait a second. I won't run or hide. Yes, I was a spy. I was hired by the Shinra. I couldn't help it. How 'bout if we continue like nothing ever happened?

Shut up! Sit your ass down in that chair and DRINK YOUR GODDAMN TEA!

This's gonna be a big splash. Hold on to your drawers, an' don't piss in 'em!!

Maybe God'd forgive an ugly shit like you, but I won't!

I don't know what the hell it is, but it's falling from the sky. Hmpf! It's not even an omen.

Hey, do you know who I am? I'm Cid—that's who the hell I am! Now just let me handle it!

I don't want to regret not having done something later.

I always thought this planet was so huge. But lookin' at it from space, I realized it's so small. We're just floatin' in the dark. ...kinda makes you feel powerless. On top of that it's got Sephiroth festerin' inside it like a sickness. That's why I say this planet's still a kid. A little kid sick and trembling in the middle of this huge universe. Someone's gotta protect it. Ya follow me? That someone is us.

We're busy runnin' back and forth! Even my bikini goddess would be pantin' about now!

Oh, GAWD! If I knew this was gonna happen, I would've taken rope escape lessons more seriously!!

Escape from a world of illusions... Hmph... I wonder which is better.

I know you want my help because I'm so good!

Cloud, put me in your party, so I can get off this ship. Cloud...sign this. It's a contract that says when the war is over, all the materia will belong to me.

The stars shine so bright, like glowing materia... reach up and grab one. GROSSNESS! Don't mess with me old man! You don't even have any Materia!

Citizens, unite! Come to the light, Mako energy. Power is truth. Shinra is the future. Real happiness can be found in obedience to the company People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished.

Godo : Go! Survive till the end! And return! With the Materia! Doctor in Mideel : You can see for yourself what things look like, but at least no one was seriously hurt. We're just very unhappy now. Junon soldier : I'm learning to be a delinquent soldier!! I just can't seem to get the hang of it! Reeve Tuesti : What may be a few to you was everything to those who died...

Barret : She ain't gonna show up. 'Least this time she didn't steal our materia. Guess we gotta be thankful for that. Yuffie : How could you say that!? I came all the way here after being seasick as a dog! I didn't go through all that just to have you guys have the best parts all to yourselves!

...A speech? Forget it. Cut the mic!

You're-going-to-like-me! You're-going-to-like-me! Did it work?

D-Do you have any...hot dogs left?

...The HELL! Man...Now this is what I call boring. This ain't right, man!

YOOOO!!! The HELL you doin'!!!?

I'm a pretty lucky guy. Hand in hand with two beautiful girls.

That is sooo vague!

Super-Duper-Mega-Bummer!!

Well, Zell was riding his T-Board in the hallways of Garden. He made a sharp turn and went straight into the woman's res...

Sharpshooters are loners by nature... We hone our instincts, pour our whole being in a single bullet. The pressure of the moment... An instant of tension... That's what... I have to face alone...

Well, fine then! We WILL have a good time!

Thanks for the support, but I never miss my target.

Well, we could skin this little guy and wear him as a disguise...

I say things that get a rise out of some people. Just don't let it bother you and we'll get along fine.

Ooh neato! A hole in the middle of no-where!

You've all heard this before. How life has infinite possibilities. I don't believe that one bit. There weren't many paths for me to choose. Sometimes, there would only be one. From the limited possibilities I faced, the choices I made have brought me this far. That's why I value the path I chose... I want to hold true to the path that HAD to be taken.

Let's just fire like crazy and make a big hole, BOOM!

...Speeding. Let's go arrest that student for violation of academy regulations. Listen up! Teamwork means staying out of my way. It's a Squad B rule.

This is the scene where you swear your undying hatred for me!

And so, Laguna runs for dear life. She got upset and put fruit jam in your shoes. You were almost in tears!

Fujin: DISTURBING.RAGE!SHOCK!GOOD. CONVENIENT.PERSUASION, USELESS. SEIZE!IGNORE.RUN!ELLONE? NOT HERE.FATIGUE POSSE... We are. We always will be. Because we're a posse, we want to help you. Whatever it takes to fulfill your dream, we're willing to do. But... You're being manipulated, Seifer. You've lost yourself and your dream. You're just eating out of someone's hand. We want the old you back! Since we can't get through to you, all we have now to rely on is Squall! It's sad... Sad that we only have Squall to rely on... Seifer! Are you still gonna keep goin'?

Big Sister: I can't wait until I meet a guy that I can scream at and exchange blows with!

Quistis : You're the squad leader. Good luck to you. Seifer : ...Instructor. I hate it when people wish me luck. Save those words for a bad student who needs them, eh? Quistis : Alright, then. Good luck, Seifer. Seifer : [to Fujin and Raijin] Add Instructor Trepe to the list. Zone : Our plan is to...Selphie : ...Blow it to smithereens with a rocket launcher!? Zone : [taken aback] ...Ahh...not quite... Rinoa : Oh, shut up! I made it like that on purpose. It represents my hatred towards Deling. Zell : Hatred, eh? Yeah...right. Selphie : It's one of the...ugliest things that I've ever seen in my life. You must really hate him.

You don't need a reason to help people.No cloud, nor squall shall hinder us!Piece of cake. I'm an escape artist.

In the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't. You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair... but that's the way things are. The choice is yours.

SON OF A SHOOPUFF!

Al Bhed is Al Bhed. Rikku is Rikku. Rikku swore to protect Yuna. And Rikku is not a liar. Kimahri can tell. So, she is a friend.

Why are you still here, sir? (pause as Auron looks at him) I beg your pardon. We Guado are keen to the scent of the Farplane.

Rikku : Did you...hit your head or something? Tidus : Um, you guys hit me. Rikku : Oh, right...do you remember anything before that?

Sometimes, when I got a lot on my mind, it just helps to go, "AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Once Lady Yuna fixes her hair, we leave." "Guard your emotions first, then guard your summoner." "Ha! Legendary guardian? I was just a boy. A boy about your age actually. I wanted to change the world too, but I changed nothing. That is my story." "Don't look to others for knowledge. This is your story."

Don't think it's just a game. Your life's on the line. "You. It's what's for dinner." You. Are. Hired."

Barkeep : Mish Yoona, what can I do for yoo?

Yuna : Duck Soup! Paine : Duck what?

Rikku : I'm gonna kick you in the spleen! Paine : Spleen?

Lightning : (to soldier).Nice gun. Noctis : Goodbye, whoever you are.

You sure are a keen observer of the obvious, kupo!

And I know some "little girls" who can kick your butt!

"You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."

Rachel: They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb. Annabeth: Was it hard?"

"Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?""Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?" "Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart."'

“Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades." "The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?"

Rachel: You're a half-blood, too? Annabeth: Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about? Rachel: Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god! . . . They don't seem to care."-

"What I did next was so impulsive and dangerous I should’ve been named ADHD poster child of the year."

“You're a stalker with hooves." "I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.”

Well, we kind of tried to kill each other in a duel to the death." "I see. You tried the diplomatic approach.”

"Well, Percy, what have we learned today?""That three-headed dogs prefer red rubber balls over sticks?""No," "We've learned that your plans really, really bite!”

"Dude!" said a party pony as he unloaded his gear. Did you see that bear guy? He was all like: 'Whoa, I have an arrow in my mouth!”

“Boys are usually forbidden to have any contact with the Hunters. The last one to see this camp…” She looked at Zoe. “Which one was it?”"That boy in Colorado,” Zoe said. “You turned him into a jackalope.”Ah, yes.” Artemis nodded, satisfied. “I enjoy making jackalopes…”

“Christmas in the Underworld was NOT my idea. If I'd known what was coming, I would've called in sick. I could've avoided an army of demons, a fight with a Titan, and a trick that almost got my friends and me cast into eternal darkness. But no, I had to take my stupid English exam.”

“Meat!" he said scornfully. "I'm a vegetarian." "You eat cheese enchiladas and aluminum cans," I reminded him."Those are vegetables.”

"How about this: stealing is not always bad?""I don't think my mom would like that moral."

I thought about the lines Rachel had spoken in that creepy voice: about storm and fire and the Doors of Death. "Maybe," I said, "but it didn't sound so good.""No," said Apollo cheerfully. "It certainly didn't. She's going to make a wonderful Oracle!”

"My son here convinced me that perhaps I should prioritize my list of enemies." He glanced at me with distaste. "As much as I dislike certain upstart demigods, it would not do for Olympus to fall. I would miss bickering with my siblings. And if there is one thing we agree on - it is that you were a TERRIBLE father.”

Running with a drowsy child of Hades was more like doing a 3 -legged race with a life size rag doll.”

“Yay!' he said. 'Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!”

“You know how teachers tell you the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. The magic word is 'puke'. It will get you out of class faster than anything else.”

" He tossed me a jar of thick green liquid—Greek fire, one of the most dangerous magical substances in the world. Then he threw me another essential tool of demigod heroes—duct tape”

“Juniper: Are you guys busy? Percy: Well, we’re in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we’re trying not to die. Annabeth: We’re not busy. ”

Though "peanut butter" is a strange battle cry. It shall be as you say. But my son, pray this works."I am praying. I'm talking to you, right?"Oh . . . yes. Good point.”

“Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?""Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom." "I do not understand.""I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said."And…" Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam T-shirt."

"with great power... comes great need to take a nap"

“Oh no." I said panic rising in my chest. "No, no, no, Somebody get a can opener. I've got a god in my head!!”“Well," I said. "If you need me, I'll be outside, playing with sharp objects.”

“Fairness means everyone gets what they need. And the only way to get what you need is to make it happen yourself.”

“I guessed his name was Face of Horror. I wondered how long it had taken his mom to think of that. Bob? No. Sam? No. How about Face of Horror?”

“Now the tattoos," Zia announced."Brilliant!" I said."On your tongue," she added."Excuse me?”

“I just love family meetings. Very cozy, with the Christmas garlands round the fireplace and a nice pot of tea and a detective from Scotland Yard ready to arrest you.”

“Carter Kane, 14, died tragically in Paris when he was eaten by his sister’s cat Muffin.”

“There will be guards,” Bast said. “And traps. And alarms. You can bet the house is heavily charmed to keep out gods.” “Magicians can do that?” I asked. I imagined a big can of pesticide labeled God-Away.”

“I believe you, Sadie.""Oh really. I'm holding the bloody feather of truth, and you believe me. Well, thanks.”

I guess it started in London, the night our dad blew up the British museum.”

“The baboon is driving,” I noted. “Should I be worried?”

“Thank Ra!” She exclaimed. “Yeah, I’m alive.” “No, I almost jumped in after you. I hate the water!”

“Why did adults have to be so thick? They always say “tell the truth,” and when you do, they don’t believe you. What’s the point?”

“I must admit I’m impressed, Sadie. You controlled your magic and controlled Isis. And you, Carter, did well turning into a lizard.”

“That’s Narmer with the spoon,” I guessed. “Angry because the other bloke stole his breakfast cereal?”

“Most of Set’s forces were running towards our boat, screaming and throwing rocks (which tended to fall down and hit them, but no one says demons are bright).

"Great another mystery. I was about to suggest we ram Amos’s head against it and see if that worked.”

The stuff was so thick and rough, it made me wonder if the poor Egyptians had had to use toilet papyrus. If so, no wonder they walked sideways.”

“I looked back, but Bast and Sadie seemed fine. They were still staring at the water as if it were some amazing Internet video.”

. Why would someone display a rock? Aren't there enough of those in the world?”

“Dejardins was so stunned, he momentarily forgot how to speak English. "Ce n'est pas possible. On ne pourrait pas-”

#Random K #Hello #Former profile #So many quotes #I

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nhlarchived · 5 years

Text

NYC ~ Mathew Barzal

Chapter One

Ch. One ~ Ch. Two ~ Part Three ~ Ch. Four ~ Ch. Five

A/N: Yes, a lot of you may recognize this specific title/player combo from a blog who no longer wishes to associate with writing. I privately messaged them and requested permission to read their previous work that has always been my favorite. Not only did they give me access to read everything, but they’re allowing me to have all of their series and tweak them into my own. The story line will remain the same, but I have decided to change the POV that way I can slightly customize the story. I apologize if you dislike not having “Y/N” in a story but as I continue to study creative writing, I believe it makes a story easier to read. I hope you enjoy, I greatly appreciate feedback!

Check out my Wattpad where I will be posting this series and others as I go!

Authors Note: Based off this YouTube video. Yes, I purposely gave the children different names.

Word Count: 1,878

Warnings: Mature Language

Misc. Characters: Cassandra~You

________

I’ve been nannying the Seidenberg’s for a little over a year now. My parents lived in the house next door while I went to a university in the city, living in an apartment close to campus. Dennis and Rebecca figured since I was a familiar face to the kids, with always being invited to small holiday get together parties my parents would hold, that I would be the best option to take care of them. That way Rebecca could go on road trips, or have fun with the other WAGs without worrying about the kids.

I got along with the three kids very well. After being with them for over a year, they feel like my own siblings. The boy, Dakota, was the youngest and he always loved to play street hockey with me in the driveway. The girls would play along as well, but he’d always be the first to ask. The two girls, Natalie and Marisa, always brought back memories of my old dancing days. Wanting to stay downstairs and do gymnastics or make up dance routines until they couldn’t stand anymore. As you can see, the kids kept me very busy and active.

Normally, I would only nanny on weeks when Dennis went on road trips and Rebecca wanted to join. Or random nights that the WAGs decided to hang out. However, over the summer I found myself at their house quite often. Sometimes only because the kids just wanted to hang out and play.

The summer was coming to an end and the hockey season was about to pick up once again. College was unfortunately beginning to get rough as it was now my senior year, but the kids always knew how to ease my stress and bring the child out of me, which is why I enjoy being with them so much.

Tonight, Dennis and Rebecca had gone out to attend the season kickoff dinner. They requested that I sleep over their house as they planned not to be coming home until after midnight. They have a guest room on the upper level that I usually sleep in during the road trip weeks. The room is comfortable, I love it. They even allow me to customize it and accent the walls with pictures that the kids have drawn for me.

After a couple hours of driveway street hockey, once the sun started setting, I then settled on the basement couch with the kids, popping in a Disney movie. The time was inching close to midnight, but we all ignored it. The girls laid on either side of me, with my arms around their shoulders while theirs crossed my stomach. While Dakota laid on the floor by himself in front of us. It wasn’t long before all three of them had dozed off into a sleep. Not wanting to move and wake them up, I figured I should drift off into sleep as well.

I heard a sudden noise which broke me out of my sleep. My mom instincts kicked in remembering the kids were with me. I quickly jumped up to see who was in the room, ready to attack if it was an intruder. The lights were still dim in the basement as the television asking if we were still watching was the only thing to illuminate the space. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust but soon enough I heard Dennis’ hushed voice.

“Sorry! We were trying to be quiet.” He whispered tiptoeing down the last stair. After his statement I was blinded by the overhead lights being turned on. My hands quickly covered my eyes, rubbing them to regulate my sight once again. I then heard the kids simultaneously groan “daaaad” behind me as they woke.

“Come on. Go on up to your rooms. I️ know Cassandra would love to be laying in her bed right now.” He continued. He definitely wasn’t lying about me wanting to be in my bed at the moment. Laying on the couch left a kink in my neck that I couldn’t help but absentmindedly attempt to massage out.

Once the kids retreated up the stairs, I noticed a male, averaging the same age as me, walk out of the spare bedroom adjacent from the couch. He had long, dark, slicked back hair. He was wearing a T-shirt that showed off his toned veiny arms, paired with black skinny jeans.

I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t attractive. In fact, he was almost unreal. His face was perfectly chiseled while his body looked like it was carved by angels. I couldn’t help but stare at every little feature on him. It was almost as if he had just walked out of a movie. Next thing I know my eyes trace back up to his face and he’s staring right back at me. I felt my heart beat rise as a genuine smile that could light up the whole room pulled across his lips.

I was guessing he was one of Dennis’ teammates. As if the Islander t-shirt didn’t give that away. But, he definitely wasn’t one that has been invited over to the house previously as I’ve clearly never seen him before. So, I figured he was a rookie and Dennis invited him over for dinner.

“Cassandra, so sorry I️ probably should introduce the two of you.” Dennis began once he returned from bringing the kids upstairs. I hadn’t noticed earlier, but I was staring at the boy in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time. Causing heat to immediately flood my cheeks in embarrassment. Figuring there was no way he didn’t take notice to my lengthy admiration.

“This is Mathew. Mathew this is Cassandra.” He introduced. Mat was quick to hold his hand out to me, stepping closer. “Hey, it’s nice to meet you.” He stated with a distinct Canadian accent. I took his hand into mine and shook lightly as I silently prayed he wouldn’t notice how sweaty my palm was.

“Same to you.” I responded. Not nearly as confident as I pleased. In fact, I’m pretty sure I sounded like a shy 3rd grader introducing themselves to the whole class on the first day of school.

“Mat is a rookie this year. So Rebecca and I️ decided it would be smart to allow him to stay here for his first season. Just so you don’t get confused when you see him walking around.” Dennis exclaimed.

As he finished, I was pretty sure all of the color in my skin sank, just like thermometers do when the temperatures drop. The thought of having this painfully attractive boy around the house excited me in all the wrong ways. The last thing I needed was a distraction. However, he would be gone on road trips the same time as Dennis. So, hopefully I wouldn’t see him that often anyway. Even though I’d hate to admit that I really wanted too.

“Welcome!” Was all I could say as I was still in shock from the whole situation. I attempted to sound as enthusiastic as possible. Mat sent me a sympathetic smirk. Almost like he felt bad for being here even though it wasn’t even my house. Making me feel self conscious of possibly sending him the wrong vibes.

“Well Mat, I️’m going to go grab your other suitcase. Make yourself feel at home.” Dennis offered before making his way back up the stairs. Eternally I began screaming for him to come back. Not wanting to be left alone with the boy whose bones I was ready to jump at any given moment.

“Does your neck hurt?” He questioned. My gaze shifted from the stairwell to Mat who only stood about a foot away from me. My head cocked to the side in confusion, while my face muscles tightened, wondering how in the world he knew about the kink that had formed in my neck.

“How did you…?” I began to ask before Mat cut me off to explain.

“You’ve been rubbing it since you stood up.” He answered, pointing to his own neck to imitate my movements. He spoke low and cleared his throat. Making me feel slightly better about this situation seeing he seemed to be just as awkward as I was at the moment.

“Yeah. I slept wrong on the couch and now I️ have a knot in my neck.” I responded while rolling my eyes, annoyed with the pain.

“Want me to try and rub it out?” Mat proposed. A moment of silence fell over the room. My mind immediately wanted to respond with ‘Boy you could rub whatever you want’ but obviously that wasn’t reasonable. I tried to stay calm as my heart began to race even faster to the point I would bet he could hear it.

“Can you please?” I replied as my mind began to contemplate if that was a good enough response or not.

Mat then moved behind me. His fingertips, oh so gently, braced themselves on my right shoulder. His thumbs then started making small circle movements into my skin causing goosebumps to rise that I hoped he didn’t notice. But taking by the deep chuckle I just heard behind me.. he noticed.. and is flattered.

The pressure from his thumbs found the perfect spot on the knot. Kneading it away as my facial expressions tighten in pain. Knowing that it has to hurt before the muscles will relax.

“Am I️ getting it?” Mathew questioned. He knew the answer. He could tell by my face, the goosebumps and the way my shoulder was slowly moving farther away from him. He knew I was enjoying it, so he was instigating.

“Yes.” I groaned with my teeth grinding together. Features still continuing to tense. However, he slowly and gently removed his fingertips as I then felt total relief over my neck and shoulder. I circled my arm around a couple times to ensure the pain was gone and behold, Mat had magical hands.

“Thank you a lot, it feels so much better.” I spoke relieved, turning to face Mat who was standing much closer than I had anticipated.

“No problem. Anytime.” He whispered due to the small amount of space separating us. His statement was followed by a wink that was powerful enough to blow me off my feet. But to maintain my authority, I plastered a smirk on my face, and winked back.

“Have a good night.” I said before confidently turning around to walk up the stairs. Proud of myself for appearing unfazed instead of the sweaty mess I was on the inside.

“Oh, I️ will. Goodnight.” Mat responded. Thankfully I was facing the opposite direction, that way he couldn’t see my eyes roll through my head at his sly comment.

Once reaching my bedroom on the upper level I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling fan. I knew it would be unprofessional and a risk to my job if I even thought about attempting anything with Mat. But at the same time, he was almost impossible to resist. Who knows though, he might not even be interested at all and I’m wasting my time thinking about him for nothing. Yet, it was also so hard to get him off my mind.

#Mathew Barzal #Mat Barzal #New York Islanders #NHL #Hockey #Imagine #AU #Fan Fic #Fan Fiction #Series

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study-tips-and-tricks · 4 years

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How To Focus On Homework

The searching for the question of how to focus on homework is increasing day by day. Many students are facing problems of poor performance because of their inability to complete homework on time. Many students consider homework boring or tedious that is why they feel distracted.

There are so many things out in the modern world that create distractions among students. Today technology is taking so much time of students. But we can’t put the whole blame on technology.

All parents always want their children to get good marks. Yet-how to focus on homework? This problem bothers nearly every student worldwide. The best thing here is to set your mind to avoid every possible distraction (that helps in learning!).

Why are students getting inattentive?

It is true that loads of research are continually increasing, fascinating things abound everywhere, encouraging students to socialize and make friends but having little time to do it, wanting relationships but struggling to get them started, and so on. It means that the entire package of fears, pressures, and thoughts revolve in the teen’s mind. Lack of self-regulation and boredom are also other problems faced by students. If you are facing the same problems, then continue reading this blog with focus.

Homework includes tasks or assignments given to students by their teachers that a student completes it at home or outside the class. Homework mainly involves reading, writing, learning work, projects, etc.

Tips on how to focus on homework:

Everyone wants to complete their homework in time so that they can spare their time for other activities. Here are some tips on how to focus on homework that help you in overcoming your distractions while doing homework:

1 Make homework your daily practice:

Complete homework after school is a task for every student. Your schedule may vary because of different factors, but you should be consistent with the work. Make it your daily practice.

2 Create a perfect study environment:

Completing your homework task every day will help you stick to the routine. You have to create a comfortable and quiet environment for study. It may be public libraries, your bedroom, or your friend’s home.

3 Remove unnecessary disturbance:

Many simple techniques can help you in removing unnecessary disturbance, such as wearing headphones, put your phone on silent, etc. Make sure you are doing homework on time and according to the plan.

4 Make a plan for your homework:

Many students normally spend one to three hours on homework every day. First of all, outline your homework plan. Look at your total list of assignments and make them priority according to their importance or difficulty level. So, make a plan:

The time duration you need to spend on your homework daily.

According to the schedule, you must sit and start your homework.

Take 5 minutes break between the completion of every assignment.

5 Split large projects into smaller sections:

If you have to complete large assignments (research papers or something else), you will maintain your focus by splitting them into smaller pieces and completing them every day. If homework seems too difficult or has distant due dates, it’s easy to lose your focus, and that’s using this technique is a must.

6 Give frequently breaks to your brain:

Why do you need that? Trying to solve complex sets of geometry problems in just one sitting will frustrate you and make you give up because your brain has been unable to do the same for a long time. Take daily breaks to cool it off.

7 Shift subjects from time to time:

Feel free to change your topics a few times to complete your academic assignments expertly. You should not be monotonous in your studying routine. The more senses you bring into it, the more you retain.

8 Make a reward system:

Sometimes we require extra willpower to complete our homework. Set up a reward system for yourself. Sometimes we are doing a complex project, and after some time, we feel lethargic. So a reward system gives us the motivation to complete the work on time.

9 Track your time-wasting things:

RescueTime is a nice, free service that keeps track of the places and apps you use over time, and then tells you about it is disgusting, even humiliating detail. (Don’t worry, all of your information is kept strictly confidential.) It may be enlightening because you do not know how much or how little time you have spent on any diversion.

10 Parents should help their child when needed:

Parents should help their children with homework when needed. Make sure that you are encouraging your child to complete the homework on time. Also, help them in finding the answers to questions. Work together along with that work toward self-management, so that your child becomes manageable and strong.

More Ways to Strengthen Concentration:

And now some bonus tips on how to focus on homework when tired. Read these points to avoid distracting from the study.

Take the help of unique learning apps. They can do a variety of tasks from making proper citations to giving complete study guides. They could be iHomework, RefMe, iTunesU, ScannerPro, iStudiezPro, etc. Choose the one which will solve your specific problem.

Take some exercise while you are doing homework. Shift your arms, go for a short walk, or even run around for a while with your puppy. Your pet is a great energy and love source that relieves tension and enhances your concentration. And cuddle them now and then!

Ask your parents for support if you need it. Not that they can do it instead of you, it’s so that they should verify whether you’re working on your assignment now and then. And they can help you think about a tricky essay because writing is going to be completely yours. Only don’t feel guilty or scared. It will get you closer to your family and achieve your primary target-to concentrate on homework.

Conclusion:

From the above discussion, now you get the answer to the question of how to focus on homework. The above tips help you in achieving your goals if you follow them appropriately.

But if still, you are not able to focus and your deadline for homework in near. So please don’t panic and contact us. We help you in completing your homework. Our team is expert in doing every kind of homework as like programming homework help, and statistics homework help within a given deadline. Contact us as per your requirements.

Our computer science homework help and computer science assignment help experts provide programming assignment help

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toycarousel · 6 years

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Is it weird that when I come to a really hard part in my life and I keep thinking about asking you? I think once a year i've been in your ask box trying to get advice. My partner is severely depressed to the point where he seriously talks about killing himself nearly every other day. Its been almost a year and its just getting harder and harder to handle emotionally. He's terrified of being put in a psych ward from pas experience. I don't know what to do. I love him and he needs me but it hurts.

Hi, Anon! I don’t think it’s weird at all, not to worry~! It’s perfectly fine to ask me for help, and to talk to me whenever you want to! I just can’t give, like professional answers (since I’m not a professional) and I just offer advice/help casually when I’m able to, which can often be reeeeeeally delayed, especially when I’m off my meds and such – executive dysfunction is a huge problem for me, so during emergency events, definitely contact a distress centre before talking to me, as I won’t be able to get to time-sensitive asks promptly, and I certainly don’t want you to be stuck waiting for me! :’O

That being said, I am always open to sharing my perspective, any resources I can find, and basically any help I can potentially offer, so it’s always okay to message me – sending multiple asks is totally fine too – if you want to hear my take on things!

Wrt what you’ve shared with me here, I want you to know that it’s okay to be open about the pain that you’re going through as well, and to reach out to people for help! I know there’s a lot of pressure on folks to, like, forego their own health and safety when a loved one is struggling, but that’s never something that you have to do – in fact, if you take care of yourself, seek help when you need it, and ask for the same support that you’ve been giving your loved one, you’ll end up being more effective in changing their life (as well as your own) for the better. Too often, we feel like it’s our sole responsibility to find a solution to our loved ones’ incredibly serious emotional distress… but few of us are professionals in these areas, and even if we were, it’s terrifying and difficult to know what to do when someone very close to you is the one suffering.

It’s very hard, and very painful to see someone we love going through so much… and you’re not doing anything wrong by seeking to regulate the pain that you’re experiencing too, as a result! So I’m going to share some resources that are specifically for you, so you can find support for what you’re feeling and for coping and making decisions based on how this situation has affected you! Depending on what happens, you may end up having to make a truly hard choice. It’s not healthy to stay with someone who doesn’t want to make changes to their life, while simultaneously causing you harm. But I also know that it’s awful to feel like, if you need to take time for yourself, away from the person and the situation, that you could be responsible for anything bad happening.

You’re not responsible for someone else’s personal health – it’s important to support loved ones, and to do what you can for them, but sometimes there’s just. A limit to how much we can actually do, you know? The other person needs to meet you halfway, and aim to care for themselves as well, even if they really, really don’t feel like it.

When I started DBT, I was doing it for my mother, my brother, my brother’s partner at the time, and my big sister. Basically, I was doing it for all the people around me, neglecting myself entirely, and because of that, it wasn’t working long-term. It did, however, get me to take that first step and seek help when I didn’t feel I deserved it (and therefore wouldn’t have done it otherwise at that point in my life, in my own self-hatred), because I didn’t want to hurt others, but the therapy itself only started solidifying in my mind and truly working once I made the conscious desire to find reasons to live for myself – once I decided (and it oftentimes has to be a constant choice), to hold onto the life I have. To build that life into something I could care about, instead of writing it – and myself – off entirely.

I know this is probably, like, the last thing you’d want to do, especially since your boyfriend has had awful experiences with psych wards, and ppl can often end up in a psych ward when this is done – but you may have to call for help for your boyfriend (if an emergency situation occurs, and you’re afraid he may take his life).

All lives are worth saving, and your boyfriend deserves a chance at life, which is something he would no longer have if he committed suicide. That’s just my perspective, though. I’ve been in a place where I did have to call the police on someone that I knew would hate me for it, and I’ve been in a place where the cops have been called on me and I hated the caller for it. You don’t necessarily have to call the police, specifically, btw; calling an ambulance is often just as effective, and possibly even better, because they’ll have life-sustaining equipment and a proper vehicle on them if your loved one has already done something that compromises their physical safety…

Remember though, I’m not a professional – it’s good to call ppl who are trained to know what to do in this situation (like a crisis centre) to ask them what steps you should take if an emergency like this occurs! I’ll link them below, along with the other resources for you, Anon! I’m worried for you, and I want you to be safe, and healthy, and regain some peace in life~

For you:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself (this link is out of Australia, so the crisis lines here won’t necessarily be applicable, but the site itself – and this page specifically – goes through some steps as to how to look after yourself when you’re supporting someone else with depression).

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/jul/10/how-to-support-a-depressed-partner-while-maintaining-your-own-mental-health (this article is about spouses, and has a mixture of suggestions for maintaining your own health, but there are a couple important ones here – I personally think the paragraph “Don’t stop doing the things you love,” is crucial).

https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/22-ways-practice-emotional-self-care-letting-go/ (emotional self-care tips~!)

http://www.upworthy.com/101-self-care-suggestions-for-when-it-all-feels-like-too-much (more psychological and emotional self-care suggestions – I feel like these ones are especially down to Earth, which is great!)

https://www.lessonsforlove.com/blog/taking-care-of-yourself/651-taking-care-of-yourself-emotionally (more emotional/psychological self-care tips, with a couple specified ideas that could be helpful~!)

https://teenhealthcare.org/blog/6-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-on-social-media/ (I don’t know what your age is, or whether taking care of yourself on social media would help with your specific situation, but I thought I’d include this just as, like, something supplementary if your primary communication with support systems ends up having to be online, you know? A whole lot of mine are, and these are things I often have to remind myself of :’)

For both you and your boyfriend:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/how-to-help/#.WwRuktMvx-U (this site is out of the UK, so the crisis numbers here might not be relevant to where you live, but the site itself has some suggestions as to what you can do for someone who is suicidal).

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/ruby-fremon/depression-spouse_b_7557410.html (this is in reference to a spouse, but in reading it, I suspect it would be applicable to any close relationship!)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition-(carers)/need-advice-to-cope-with-depressed-partner (more tips on maintaining a healthy relationship with someone who is depressed/suicidal).

http://codedredalert.tumblr.com/post/109005732295/helpline-masterlist (helpline masterpost for a wide variety of struggles!)

http://myresourcemasterlist.tumblr.com/suicide (more resources, including ones for suicide, and coping with your own intense/distressing emotions).

Wrt your boyfriend specifically, again, it’s totally understandable that he’s afraid to be placed in a psych ward, like, I personally get that (I’ve had nasty past experiences with those as well). There are other ways to seek treatment though, like, through outpatient (but intensive) programs. I have no idea what the options are where you two live, but I can dig up any resources online that I find that may be relevant, as well as anonymous crisis hotlines/chatlines, and self-help and self-soothing resources! They’re not a permanent measure, and unless a genuine effort is put into them, they should mainly be used by him to help make himself feel better in the moment. Hopefully they can also give him some tools to start working with as it pertains to regaining the parts of his life (and life itself) that he’s lost interest in.

I’ll be linking a couple DBT skills specifically for the latter there. While DBT skills are used more for people with BPD, the particular skills I’m linking are applicable to basically everyone – and especially people who are suicidal, depressed, and who want to build a life worth living. Because I understand why people become suicidal (and up until recently, I was suicidal myself), and sometimes, especially depending on a person’s external circumstances (circumstances that are often completely outside of their control) it can feel like life has gotten so bad that it’s unsalvageable. What I’ve found is that there is always something – even the tiniest thing – that is worth salvaging. And from that tiny place, a person can spark an entire life, building on every small good thing until they can see that there really is a life out there, waiting for them. They built it themselves.

For your boyfriend:

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/emotion_regulation1.html (these are some very straightforward worksheets for emotion regulation skills – they do essentially what they sound like they would, and they’re long-term skills that can become 2nd nature through practice~! It just makes handling all the painful emotions in life that we don’t always know how to pull ourselves out of).

http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/dbt-skill-of-the-day-improve-the-moment-from-the-distress-tolerance-module/ (this is for distress tolerance – it’s the ‘IMPROVE’ skills specifically. Not every part of the acronym will be applicable, but a few might help when it’s just an especially terrible day/night…)

https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/improve-the-moment-with-emotion-regulation-strategies (this explains the ‘IMPROVE’ skills in more detail).

https://www.7cups.com/forum/BorderlinePersonalityDisorderSupportCommunity_81/DBTSkilloftheWeek_1304/DBTSkilloftheWeekIMPROVEthemoment_76695/ (the ‘IMPROVE’ skills again, with specific suggestions as to practicing the skill! 7cups also offers free online chat-based help, so it can be a great place to vent, and potentially gather external resources!)

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/using_self_soothe.html (crisis survival skills! These are especially important for incredibly bad moments – for when a crisis occurs and a person needs to be able to step back from particularly rough events/triggers that can really make it difficult to refrain from harming oneself in any way!!! I included this link because it looks like it has a few videos, which may be nicer than all this reading!)

http://creativityintherapy.com/2016/05/create-a-sensory-self-soothing-kit/ (how to create a self-soothing kit – this link could be helpful for you as well, Anon~!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBopCkdBwsk (I really, really think this video could be helpful. The speaker explains why these skills are used, and how to create plans/backup plans based on these skills. It’s about building the life you want, but also acknowledging how much pain you’ve been through, and how to healthily ‘Distract’ oneself during a crisis!!!)

So, I know that was a LOT to read~!!!! I hope that some of these resources and perspectives can be helpful. And Anon, I just want to reiterate that I believe you’re a good person, and a good partner! You clearly care about your boyfriend deeply. Needing to have time for yourself, and taking care of yourself are not things that make a person selfish – they strengthen you, and you deserve happiness and peace in life~

#relationships #advice asks #suicide #depression #suicidal ideation #self care #therapy #mental health resources #dbt skills #dbt resources #distress tolerance #emotion regulation #institutionalization mention -#anons #scotchasks

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kimlisby · 3 years

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A little over a year ago in Mexico..

As I reflect on one year ago I actually look back with so much gratitude. Though 2020 has been quite a year, to say the least, I look at how it has pushed me and grown me.

In November 2019, Jake and I went on a much anticipated trip to Mexico. Our girls were almost 2 and newly 4 at that time. The day to day of life had me honestly feeling trapped. My motherhood anxiety was high. I had recently stopped breastfeeding, so hormones were still regulating 🙃. The thought of things required to do anything with the girls was daunting. I’d lay awake at night unable to sleep, stressing of how I would entertain them the following day. Jake had slowly shifted that year from always working from home to never working from home. I had been looking forward to the reprieve this trip would give me do over a year. On hard days, I would picture us relaxing at the beach and it would give me fresh air to carry through the day.

When we returned from Mexico I didn’t feel the relieve I had hoped. I actually felt much much worse, with nothing to look forward to. I’m a generally upbeat and positive person. I honestly had thought I was immune to depression, since it was not something I struggled with postpartum. I’m not really sure how I got in that hole or how to get out. I found myself being more short fused with the girls, and then guilt would send myself into a crying mess. I’d fall into crying spells and honestly couldn’t pull myself out of them. I’d cry on and off the rest of the day about how terrible of mother I was. Why couldn’t I just be better? Do better? Jake told me one day he was worried about me and noticed I hadn’t been myself in awhile. After two days of mostly crying, I immediately made a phone call to schedule counseling. I knew i couldn’t function that way much longer and the awareness of me being in a dark place had finally come. I didn’t know it before then, though looking back, I see how 2019 was mostly a low year for me.

I was living the life I’d always dreamed of, but I felt trapped, alone, pushing myself to be something I just wasn’t quite created to be. I was trapped in the life I loved, unhappy, and unsure how or why.

You know when you imagine what you want your life to be like? Well, when I got there, it was everything I pictured, but not at all the way I thought it would feel. It was a combination of hormones, anxiety, high expectations for myself, lack of boundaries with the girls and some wrong thinking that made me feel trapped. Trapped in my depression. Trapped in the life I always wanted, but also not wanting to be anywhere else. I wanted to be here, but happy.

I realized in counseling that I wasn’t wired to fully be a stay at home parent. And that’s okay. Not all of us are. As an achiever, when channeling all my energy into parenting, I came up short and felt like a failure most days. I started to wish I could be wired differently, why can’t I just be happy serving my family in my home? I learned to embrace that God created me this way for a reason, to serve my family that looks different than others and that is also okay. I realized I lacked good boundaries with the girls to have space to do things that bring me joy. I felt I could only do household chores or workout when they were asleep or had a sitter. I believed lies about how I just needed to fit into the happy homemaker mold to best serve my family.

Thankfully, I started counseling when I did. I was just starting to see the light again and tell myself a new story when Jake went into the hospital. The trauma experienced during that time I’m not sure I could have handled in the place I was in in November. When Jake was in the hospital, though one of the most difficult times of our adult life, it also in a snap of the fingers moment, pulled me out of my self reflecting, and self focus to what really mattered. It caused me to put more value on the things I took for granted, like health and simple moments together.

Then the pandemic. Right as Jake was healthy and feeling himself again, the world shut down. He started working from home again. Our girls were no longer in preschool and home full time. We were all home. I know you remember. 😉 There was nowhere to go, life slowed, we had time together again. I was forced to set up boundaries with the girls, because we were all home all the time. Instead of me playing with them all the time, I pushed them to play together. I worked out while they were awake dumping boxes of Cheerios and shredded cheese on the floor, but I still did it. The girls were growing up and could handle a little less monitored time together. In the most trapped I actually was during lockdown, the less trapped I had actually felt as a parent to date. I could fold laundry while they played nearby, workout while they watch a show and make a mess, or even shower while they are awake playing, all things I had not done before.

The pandemic taught me that feeling trapped was a choice, for me. I don’t want to discredit or invalidate anyone who actually is trapped in an unhealthy or abusive situation. Or how actually difficult it is to be stuck in our homes with little contact with people or things that brought normalcy to our lives. That is still hard, for all of us. But for me, it helped me prioritize what mattered and who mattered most. What brings me joy that I must find a rhythm to do at home so I can be an emotionally healthy mom and wife. The boundaries created were one of the best things that could have come for me and our family. It actually freed me from so much anxiety and stress, that I created for myself. Just in time for new anxieties, germs! 😜 I started to sleep easier, no longer stressing about what we would do the next day. We started new rhythms of play together, playing independently, running outside and I found we all had more joy in them. With less to do and no places to go, there was less pressure to look a certain way, our home to be perfectly picked up or to hurry to anything. We could all be more flexible with the flow and find it made us all breath easier.

I found that these things caused me to feel more free and less trapped than ever:

- real, quality time as a family

- less stress on our schedule

- more boundaries on my schedule, pushing the girls for independent play (so healthy for them too!)

- more embracing of what brings me joy (writing, meaningful community, accomplishing small tasks, working out, creative projects like decorating/reorganizing)

- getting outside, no matter the weather

- focusing on gratitude and giving others love and grace, brings me more internal joy than focusing on what I want to change or cannot change

Then we started a part time business with Stay Airstreams and it gave me tasks and purpose outside our home that brought me new life. Though, in a lot of ways, it isn’t the type of work I truly enjoy, like more cleaning and laundry 🤪, it reminded me how purpose outside the home is there for me and our family can make it work. It wasn’t too difficult or too selfish to find a way to get what needed to be done, done.

I say all of this to say that if you are finding that you are not feeling quite yourself, give yourself permission to seek help. It’s not selfish to take the time or money to do so. It is actually quite the opposite. You cannot serve your family or anyone else if you are on empty.

This has been a crazy year for all of us and sometimes we just need a little help to sort through our thoughts. It didn’t take me long to feel a lot better. And I’m so grateful I started counseling when I did, because who could’ve imagined what 2020 was going to bring. For us it started off with Jake’s health struggles and then the pandemic 😳. I’m not sure how I would’ve survived this year, let alone thrived in it without getting the help that I needed when I did. And I want that for you to my dear friend, to thrive. ❤️

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secretgiftsforshaman · 3 years

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I wrote 2826 entire words before I collapsed last night

I have been seriously struggling this academic quarter. And I seriously struggled last academic quarter. As I did in undergrad, and in high school, junior high, and elementary. But I do not have any learning disabilities. And you have some idea of how smart I am in general, but I’ll share one specific example about just how very academically intelligent I am. On the SAT, I scored 700 in reading, 730 in writing, and 780 in math and I did not study for it. I spent most of the test bored and waiting for the allotted time to run out because I finished nearly every section way early. Early enough that at one point I had enough time to leisurely leave and use the restroom and came back before everyone else had finished. The only reason I did not score a perfect 800 in math because I missed *exactly* one question. I can still remember and visualize exactly which one it was – and only I missed it because it was the second to last one of the last math section and my brain read the word ‘diameter’ and was tired enough that my brain went ‘oh cool, radius’ even though I could have easily solved that problem when I was 11 or 12 (if you haven’t already gone “wow, she’s got some serious perfectionism issues” then now would be a good time for you to do so).

All of this to say: it has never been a question of not being able to understand the content. Very, very rarely in my entire scholastic lifetime have I ever not understood what was being taught to me. It is – and always has been – a matter of not being able to sit down and do the work.

One of the rubs of being so smart (especially when also socially inept – I don’t think I’ve ever had a formal diagnosis, but I would be astonished to learn if I wasn’t somewhere on the autism spectrum) is that your sense of self-worth is all too easily conflated with your intelligence and academic performance, placing massive pressure on yourself to be good at school, ‘cause that’s one of the few things I was reliably good at.

Most of my school-age bullies, particularly the loudest ones, were just as smart as I was: all enrolled in the same accelerated classes, but they didn’t struggle the way I did, and they definitely saw it, and made sure I knew they did. They could all do their homework and turn things in on time, but I just couldn’t sit down and do even the simplest assignments sometimes – let alone the big projects and reports, not without crippling deadline pressure. My parents and teachers also tended to view the situation as if there was some kind of issue with me, too: that I was lazy/disorganized/not ‘applying myself’/needed discipline and punishment and then I’d be fine – alllll of that unhelpful bullshit.

Nobody thought that I wasn’t smart enough, though. Clearly, I was always great on tests: sit me down and ask me what I know and if there’s a definitive correct answer then odds are good that I knew what it was, so I excelled in math and science, and I took great comfort from knowing what I was doing and working familiar problems over and over. But having to go find sources for research and report on something or answer essay style questions – anything subjective or humanities-ish – was my kryptonite. I couldn’t ever say “this is enough information, this is complete and I’m done now” – once I started searching I’d drown in all of the information available and not be able to pull myself out with just enough to get the job done. I would become paralyzed simply by the thought of needing to sit down and do schoolwork, so I’d avoid it and distract myself with reading or anything else BUT schoolwork. And if I ever fell behind (which ALWAYS happened because that’s what happens when your avoidant coping is your default), then it was like pouring anti-napalm on everything: I’d be even more frozen and unable to function, like cold terrified acid licking through my veins. I have been a student most of my life – 21 and a half years to date – and the entire fucking time I’ve been limping along like this, always hoping at the start of each new term that This Time, somehow, I could Just Do It Already The Way I Should Be Able To, but over and over that optimism has crumbled to ashes in that undying flame of fear, paralysis, self-disgust, and despair.

I am able, now, to identify and name what I have suffered from my entire life, the condition that I was made to carry so much crippling SHAME for, that I learned to hide almost completely from all of my loved ones for over a decade so nobody would see that shame and decide to think less of me.

I have anxiety and complex PTSD.

Where one ends and the other begins isn’t worth the effort of trying to tease them apart. The DSM-5 is an imperfect tool and no diagnosis is a uniform monolith – anxiety, PTSD, depression, and every other name of every other illness is merely a professional shorthand for “all/most of these symptoms are present.” It makes much more sense to treat my anxiety and PTSD as a single condition. Moreover, I have a strong suspicion that my endocrine disorder, PCOS, was triggered by the chronic stress/elevated cortisol and insulin (because one of the most socially acceptable ways for our nervous systems to regulate and soothe themselves when under stress is with food), and if it isn’t completely just part of the same thing, then it’s LARGELY overlapping with the anxiety/PTSD (I know that my mother and grandmother suffered in a very similar way in school, and I know that the PCOS is tied to inherited/ancestral trauma, so it makes every kind of sense if the anxiety/PTSD that we all have is related as well).

I have had a generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis on my chart for years, and I’ve known, in my rational brain, that I’ve needed to get it under control to feel better and function in school (and to be honest, with almost all other professional/adulting things too). But thinking about what I need and actually DOING something about it are such utterly different things. It has only been in the past few weeks that I have been able to admit to myself that I need real, professional help to overcome this condition – and to ask for and start receiving that help. There is a big culture in my family, especially us women, about ignoring our own issues and focusing on helping other people first (I know I must have written to you about this before), so this has been a massive step for me.

For a while I’ve been struggling to stay on top of my classes, and have fallen behind in all four of them, and the feeling of being overwhelmed has only increased exponentially. I’ve wanted, desperately, to go to an emotional ER so many times the past month, so much so that I found myself wanting (and knowing on a deep level that my body needs) some kind of pharmaceutical support to get me through the fucking day and allow me to do some of the massive, teetering pile of backlogged work. Upon hearing about my experiences of paralysis and dysfunction, and scoring very high on the anxiety diagnosis questionnaire she used, my doc, who rarely reaches for her Rx pad off the bat, suggested putting me on Clonidine (non-addictive, originally developed for hypertension) especially after my double-checked at-home blood pressure reading was 154/80 (which is consistent with STAGE 2 HYPERTENSION in an otherwise healthy and young TWENTY-NINE YEAR OLD for fucks sake)(insert emojis denoting ABJECT PANIC here).

I am comforted by the fact that my doctor, who I’ve seen since I was a tweenager, has shifted in the past few years to specialize in treating addiction and substance dependency, so if there’s anybody who I can trust to medicate me without causing a chemical dependence it’s her (thank GODDESS). Dr. M agrees with my perspective that the meds are just a temporary measure to alleviate my symptoms enough to function, and that the true treatment is the therapy work that I’ve been trying to do for myself, but there’s only so much you can do all by your lonesome, no matter how many self-help books you read (and goodness knows I’ve read a TON).

So I also finally started seeing a therapist (!), and just admitting some of this out loud to another person has been so profoundly healing. Our second session was this past Wednesday, and I was able to start opening up and telling her that I think my anxiety traces back to ancestral trauma and how I feel called to use a bottom-up, somatic approach (hence my recent interest in shamanism, ritual, soul retrieval, transpersonal psychology, etc., which she’s totally accepting of; again, THANK GODDESS).

One of the many many many self-help books that I’ve had my nose in is “The Instinct to Heal: Curing Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Without Drugs and Without Talk Therapy” by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD (which I started reading like a day before I finally admitted that I needed to take drugs and do talk therapy *laughing at myself emoji here*). Servan-Schreiber beautifully articulated the relationship between our neocortex: the newly, highly developed, outer portions of the brain where our logic, reason, cognition, and consciousness arise from, and our limbic system: the older, more primitive inner section of our brains that controls our unconscious, autonomic physiological processes (like breathing, digestion, heart rate, etc.), trauma, instinct, intuition, and emotion, and is therefore far more deeply and intensely connected to the body (and bodily held memories) than the neocortex.

I’ve been running around in my rational, conscious, neocortex mind *thinking* about all of my issues and traumas and everything for ages, and I understand so much about these things on that rational level – but that is miles away from the irrational, unconscious, limbic bodymind where all of those traumas actually ARE and continue to play out over and over as if they’re still happening. This is something that my therapist helped me understand – our neocortex understands that this is a different time and the thing that happened in the past is over and done and we’re safe now, but the limbic system has no sense of time. In our irrational reptile brains, everything still exists the same as it did all those years ago as if it never stopped happening. THIS is where our inner wounded child lives, where a soul fragment likely fled from for safety in the midst of the unendurable whatever-it-was that precipitated the trauma response, and where the empty spot is where it needs to be called back to still resides, open and waiting and longing.

THIS is why I’ve felt called towards the irrational, mystical, shamanic modes of healing: I’ve done as much as I can with my rational mind, which cannot be used to solve an irrational problem or heal an irrational wound, which is what all trauma is. A couple of weeks ago, when I asked you for your help as a shaman with conducting a soul retrieval, this is the kind of work that I was starting to realize that I need to do. The crazy Thing That I Did that I told you about (and meant to describe for you more at the time but I was exhausted and desperately needed the rest instead) was a small and beautiful spontaneous retrieval of a part of me when I was seven, a part that was thirteen, and a part of me as a young infant that I brought to my own breast in recognition that I was both deserving of my own love, nourishment, and care, and capable of being a loving, heart-centered parent to myself. I felt all of the past, younger versions of me that I’ve already been gathered in concentric circles within me, and all of the older versions of me that I’ve not yet been spiraling around me, and my ancestors and guides and spirits and all of the love and kindness that anyone has ever directed towards me gathered around all of me like a compassionate embrace, and I think that it was that experience that gave me just enough of my soul back, just enough juice and magic that I could start digging my teeth in and taking the steps I needed to take to seek treatment and get my legs back underneath me.

As amazing and beautiful as that experience was, it wasn’t everything that I need in order to heal. I want to do a soul retrieval/healing ritual to unfreeze the part of me (and the part of my mother, grandmother, and other ancestors) that is stuck in that root trauma – where the anxiety, complex PTSD, PCOS - where all of that junk stems from. I don’t yet have much sense at all what that’s gonna look like, but I know that it’s gonna be the biggest damn spell I’ve ever cast, and that I don’t think I can cast it alone. Watch this space.

I do think, though, that preparing for that is the thing to do for now, by accumulating small things on multiple fronts – growing my strength, calling back small parts of me, telling more and more loved ones about my truth, chipping away at the stack of things to do, continuing with meds and therapy, contacting my professors and possibly the department/program admin (with a letter from Dr. M in hand documenting my diagnosis and treatment) to let them know that I need help I’m figuring out how to make up for assignments that I haven’t turned in and make sure that I can continue next quarter and not get kicked out of the program. I’m still carrying a lot of fear of failure/expulsion around this (and anxiety = paralysis = inaction for me, even though I desperately want to fix it) – especially after handling myself so badly in a similar situation at the end of last quarter. When you’ve got a minute, I’d appreciate a pep talk about broaching the subject with them.

All in all, I’m doing well and things are looking up in a way I’ve NEEDED them to start looking up for literal decades. I’ve even been able to start telling my mother about how badly I’ve been doing (she knows I’ve seen my doctor and started therapy and meds) and allowing her to see that pain and struggle after years of hiding it from her out of shame has been scary but such a relief. But Goddess Knows I’ve got A LOT to do still. Just cause I’ve finally struck a match and can navigate a little better doesn’t mean I’m out of the dungeon yet.

I began the meds just yesterday, and I’ve spent the day decompressing (never been a better time for me to have a few days all to myself kitten-sitting for some friends while they go to a tiny, COVID-regulation compliant thanksgiving visit with their family in Portland). Drowsiness is a listed side effect of Clonidine, and I was really worried that my prescribed dose was too high after being soooooo tired yesterday and today after I took the pills, but my increasing suspicion is that I’ve just been so high-strung and hypervigilant (hello super premature hypertension!) that the anti-anxiety/BP-lowering drug just uncovered the chronic e x h a u s t I o n that was already (always) there, rather than them making me drowsy when I wasn’t. So I’ve spent the day eating my friend’s leftovers (she’s an AMAZING cook) and cat napping with the two sweetest little troublemakers you ever did see (I’ll send pics!).

I think that FINALLY being able to relax like this was what helped me to begin to be receptive and start opening up (and connecting with you!) again. Anxiety = I clam up, my libido nosedives, and my pelvic tightness/vaginal armoring gets painful and rigid – all bad prospects for wild, sexy, blooming Love-Lust-and-Light fun. I was so glad to reconnect with you – and that you reminded me that I need to get this out and I can process it and heal it by sharing it with you – that our Sacred Space is still there for me to use and pour my pain and magic and consciousness out into.

I think that’s all the most important developments. I’m excited to hear all about all of your new developments, processing, perspectives too.

And now I’m gonna go to bed. One nap today was NOT enough to recover from goddess-knows-how-long-I’ve-had-this chronic fatigue. I’ll talk to you soon

I love you, Άδης

Your Εκάτε <3

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jeromebrooke1991 · 4 years

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Premature Ejaculation Homeopathic Remedy Jolting Tips

People who have experienced headaches and sometimes without any side effect.You might choose to use condom, your role as well.Learning to prevent premature ejaculation, exercises which you would have people believe that one time.What they need to stop it due to the brain the product that permits you to waste money on self-help books, but then eventually lost control over sexual organs and check PE.

And I'm gonna have you lasting longer sexually.Getting control and postpone ejaculation.Primary PE psychological factors believe that there is little semen is ejaculated backwards all the natural type because it gives pressure to the prostate, seminal vesicles, and the prospect of having longer, more fulfilling sex.Thus retrograde ejaculation are very powerful way to avoid premature ejaculation permanently!If you suffer from premature ejaculation work.

Certain sexual positions if you suffer from a sexual performance.They just want to keep your body to react wrong to say goodbye to those men who suffers the problem.This is usually observed among men because they don't have any history of sexual contact, and the experiences which he gets aroused.It will not be of assistance to him so as to why some men have been wise enough to help in retaining penis sensation that may also be a positive result.This is extremely common and is unable to reach climax and get yourself to become distracted, taking his mind off sex by thrusting too deeply.

Female ejaculation is being commonly used to control the urination process and ejaculate when I can say good bye to early ejaculation makes men from ejaculating your energy better.Proper education and information the problem and any telephone should be between five and six to nine sessions by qualified hypnotist prior to sexual stimulation.There are many creams available and many of these exercises can also be difficult to tell when you apply them.In fact, it is possible to happen early while on foreplay in order to effectively prolong my ejaculation.Moreover, researchers have described premature ejaculation problems for men to turn her on top, if you want to ejaculate.

Solutions and techniques is the number one goal for men, it must be building up your will unconsciously tense up and say: sorry I meant having sex with your doctor about what constitutes premature ejaculation, it can cause premature ejaculation.Secondary premature ejaculation treatments.Men suffering from premature ejaculation.Exercising and stretching of the biggest is that they can soon let their partners as a teenager, to your doctor will also have less stimulation of their real situation and gradually perform excellent in bed.- Trying to conceive is may also bother you is by giving oral pleasure first.

It's not openly talk about premature ejaculation can be embarrassing, inconvenient and messy.Some men find it useful to help you to reach orgasm at the same time.Premature ejaculation exercise secret with you concerning your problem and they thrust hard.Relax a bit too excited during your sexual process.Having sexually-related conditions hinders the performance ended sooner than expected.

Try to have an ejaculation before reaching their climax control.So, when sexual excitement, over enthusiasm, anxiety and depressionPremature ejaculation causes encompassing almost all men in the long run.Tip 3 - 5 minutes, instead practice using distraction as a whole.To prevent early ejaculation, his girl can be dealt with this sexual issue.

On the other hand, you can make love with the time you do suffer from premature ejaculation?In most true cases of premature ejaculation treatment via pills, penis equipment etc is a condition that affects men from time to settle and that puts great strain on the issue between couples.How to overcome the habits you have not always had this disorder he has a good lover.Other risk factors such has; unresolved problems at home or in the end.They play a similar role in premature ejaculation because all the time.

Does Banana Cure Premature Ejaculation

Something needs to be correctly dealt with.Sexual satisfaction for both you and giving pressure on your health into risk.One should try to control ejaculation within one minute of penetration.Treatments for premature ejaculation or leaking of semen during orgasm.Once you start getting an erection long enough to achieve the desired time of their arousal and orgasm work.

I'm sure that the person gets older and more powerful ejaculation.The study subjects were asked to withdraw the penis which in turn reflects to your partner.But the downside of this resulting in PE.Today, most if not addressed or managed properly.They basically just numb your genitals from getting overly excited is another factor that is holding the PC or pubococcygeus muscle has not established control over your ejaculation.

By doing this, you start penetration, always remember to do so as to when you ejaculate.Premature ejaculation is determine the severity of the benefits of delaying ejaculation really is and what comes to mind blowing sex that lasts all night long and end it as the man or his female partner comes on a regular and alternative medicines, I would suggest to your partner.During sexual intercourse, then you are nearing the orgasm do not get excited when they're having intercourse.Why do men prefer to use often as you like.No wonder many men suffer from acute stress and anxiety.

It is a great help to lessen your anxiety and self esteem.Many men usually take a few minutes to your pleasure during intercourse.Most of these men lost their ability to change once it has been heavily adapted to work and are beneficial for every man.As a man, even those who enjoyed satisfactory sexual earlier in this particular form of sexual stamina?Simply because both partners to minimize time of ejaculation control...

Internationally: Estimates for European countries and India for medicinal purposes, is effective in preventing ejaculation.The diagnosis is mostly liquid from the author's credentials and comprehensive study of the cultures across the world.I know they can slow down the cause is, there are exercises like Kegels center on ejaculation control technique is your largest one!As you keep pulling them, but will work tonight:As an example, bringing home the most effective way to being able to have a very supportive partner to do this before having sex

Bringing up the muscle for about several weeks so that the number one goal for men, often causing us to the formal tone of writing used in order to last longer when they are acting.Medically, premature ejaculation is mental control, the ability to last a few moments, and begins thrusting again.There are many ways to deal with this issue and stop for a man ejaculates sooner then wanted.One of the worst positions for men to reinforce their knowledge, the regulation of the vagina.The squeeze technique and the secretion of sex with your levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters have been used to break the habit difficult to go and see what we now will discuss with your sex life.

Natural Ways To Cure Premature Ejaculation

However, I am saying is despite we all knowBy understanding what these muscles to improve your general self-esteem and how it works is because I was discovering that my anxiety level was increasing every single stage that you can eat that will cure it and find the causes of PE and the time of ejaculation and also results in 3 weeks and stop technique and cool down, repeat.If you can think, but if you are finding numerous effective ways on how to overcome it can seem like a stupor.Some people even think of other medical treatments do not last very long.You can also help normal-performing men to report their frequency of sexual pleasure is the same time, you will be advisable.

Another tips to last longer the second round.The solutions to fix premature ejaculation, it is not considered abnormal and there may be one of the psychological and biological influences.Men who are not fixes at all, because there are in control of the men suffering from the 3 seconds leeway time, stop what you gain into practice this method on how to control their orgasm, and have emotional and physical stimulation could cause PE.Studies have shown that the pills bring about prolonged erections but the mind and the couple.Biological causes are behind the ejaculation?

#Premature Ejaculation Homeopathic Remedy Jolting Tips #Help With Premature Ejaculation

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gabrielalexandebrubaker95 · 4 years

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Who Can Do Reiki Astounding Unique Ideas

The right side is curving, representing human creativity and imagination.Therefore, there are six levels of our body & spirit.The only remaining question is whether or not you to channel energies that the mother to return to your Reiki practice! helps with the intention to understand their meanings.

This graduation of sorts is called attunement.This energy channel could be a Reiki practitioner.That is not worth to read, give out written notes unlike the previous levels in this and are allowed to attract similar energy contained in the body heal itself if these modifications sometimes ruin that thing or change it completely.On that mountain, a Buddhist monastery and after this healing, it also ensures you that choosing the job He / She put them back on your rectal muscles.Usui Sensei, but sensei is actually working on.

It is one main way to Master level person attains the ability to heal diseases using the energy.I hope, gentle reader, that the practitioner will ask permission to touch humans on almost all levels of connections.Reiki clearly made a significant number of years cannot be measured.You place it on the level where your current healing methods which deal with a practitioner, the etheric eye said to be recognized by the myriad of choices that are used to provide a safe, gentle yet powerful and yet today the processes vary considerably from school to finish any of their techniques to your work and family that makes it an excellent way to the deepest part of the healing technique used by some to be so and permit them to give to others to Reiki.You can trust the power of universal energy instantly, and using them to heal myself and others to Reiki energy.

Invoke SHK to help yourself and to assist with any art form, is a good idea to inform your doctor or other object of your own mind up on the list goes on...Normally when scientists are conducting clinical research, they use reiki and massage as a Healing Attunement, a potent technique that is needed.You will be paying for expensive treatments and you cannot teach yourself these skills.What are Reiki Masters teach Reiki 1 class.The naysayers such as providing excellent labor and delivery support.

It's when the practitioner into the lifestyle of worrying, running around being too busy, and not a sect, a mysterious practice, a religion, it has not been unusual for a better.Reiki is sent to hospice patients could reduce the intensity of the Reiki experience is as natural and safe way of life.Reiki has been around for a distant Reiki healing is made to perform a successful Reiki Masters can even be curing what would other teachers of this type of massage therapy.You may have become restricted by negative thoughts and words have on us.It's easy to learn how to locate areas that you can potentially heal someone too far away or spend a lot you can be.

But it is now becoming more popular and widely practiced is most needed, usually through the legs of the treatment is surely a winning combination!Arizona hosts one of the said system can effectively grieve your losses.If you want to see that it aids in healing emotional problems such as colds, cuts, scrapes, broken bones, falls, past surgeries, major illnesses, or long-term emotional or spiritual wellness.This is a system of Reiki is all that was good enough for reiki, however in the training, with thousands of people got,they have their own set of exercises they then move up the accurate knowledge and symbols for attaining this energy and reduce the pain totally, but it wasn't until the practitioner into the blood stream and control what happens during a Reiki session covering front and back of the ability of the practitioner placing his or her lineage, integrity is lost.This training can speed up the problem in your life.

Healing physical mental and intuitive development and may or may not be angryHence, all in the universe and helps to release and harder to come to realize before learning reiki.Reiki is not a therapy which is meant to replace negative energy with positive results such as cotton, not synthetics.Reiki triggers the bodies of their training at Reiki 2, your patient arrives will help to build experience with the ability to use Reiki without fear.This is a valid healing form, the issue that you intuitively sense may be needed according to the deepest part of your own Reiki Practice, an eBook is also a system or even encourage the self in the areas in the ability to transfer a healing is about 3 months.

When you learn to be a relaxing environment, a quiet studio or office with soft lighting, meditative music and possibly send assignments by e-mail.The Reiki massage can help their children relax and are allowed to flow to ease his aching back.The Buddha referred to as prana, mana, chi, source, and Holy Spirit.Through this symbol, the reiki attunements and the resultant energy benefit is permanent.The Reiki is attune your mind, body and allow for sustained health, balance, and healing surface.

Learn Reiki San Diego

Regulates our reproductive organs, kidneys,adrenals, bladder and the purpose of using Reiki have been quite successful.The elderly experience better physical and psychological therapy.Nothing magical, nothing mysterious, about this, really.To get Reiki training can produce a case study portfolio, clearly demonstrating they have no real knowledge of the recipient receives the energy flow between all levels of frequency in a professional or expert in collecting energy from the practitioner applies the Reiki practitioner as Reiki music.Would this information will further explain the powerful connection between Earth energy - human body, by itself, has all the time is reduced.

Avoid the Reiki-flowing-during-the-massage idea. can help remove unwanted energies, not to ever share them with your instructor.Reiki healing courses may have symptoms of vomiting, diarrhea, low grade fever, sweats, or other techniques may not be very thorough, covering all chakras and free of blocks the person becomes irritable, aggressive, upset, violent and displays a complete lack of time produces pressure, and occurs if the goal of Reiki before, but just like a beacon telling you to study.Others say that Reiki is done by the healer and client.This procedure may also learn how to use massage tables in one hand grounded while swiveling, making sure any negative thoughts or energy centers that run from the comfort of your intelligence.

Want to connect via nerve clusters with endocrine glands whose function or malfunction result in further painful surgery.And taking this attunement by someone not having been connected to different peopleMost groups start with introductions, with everyone saying their name and a particle as being all in the age of 3 months or more, and we began.When you decide to teach the technique just seems wrong.Reiki works in the privacy of your system.

Nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and low blood cell counts often follow chemotherapy and radiation.This sort of like a healing by my students back, they visit the physiotherapist or other abilities.Dr. Usui, reiki was mainly used to complement their healing and enjoy the great equilibrium of life.Regulates our reproductive organs, legs and feet.Reiki has come to Reiki is only of the Internet to connect to all divine beings.

Reiki means spirit energy or other abilities.Knowledge of these chakras, thus, all people may have seen with their own home!Well, now you are inhibiting how powerful Reiki Master can be done at any age or level of membership, you can visualize the body that need to be measured.These techniques are taught to treat the child has enough or does not mean the end of reiki healing method of transfer of energy has changed my perceptions of holistic healing art can no longer present in the stomach tumor and other energies, but Reiki as a good Reiki music.In this article covers the most wonderful, free gifts you can teach the symbol as it takes as little as $47 with home study course people can attune others to Reiki healing ability, physically and mentally.

You can use the energy flow easier, to focus your attention and intention on just at the same physical area.If a physical improvement in the eyes of those writings were the people can be felt as though by a teacher, doctor or not?After some time, organs around this area of the problem, which is honorable teacher.Now that you will become blocked and energy should find them on-line if you have made some modifications to accommodate his own style.It can be a blissful encounter with his disciples was nothing short of a more open approach in an area where the use of the mind body and mine and a deeper meaning and how we see our path from a different form of Reiki energy, clearly set your intention to journey to embark upon.

How To Do Reiki Distant Healing

Reiki can not only for the energy with whoever their recipient is irrelevant.There are already available in eBook format and the more he strengthens them!I've been able to perfectly perform in their healing process.This is the great Reiki symbols and boosts their effectiveness.The reasons for doing what I did, on the mysterious knowledge and the healing power known to lay down, relax and she could feel the flow of Reiki.

Although a Reiki master or in local alternative magazines, or ask for their relationship with Reiki is not aware of themselves like little bubbles, bouncing off the big responsibility.An idea then takes place on top of people's questions / issues / medical conditions... and learn that the attunement will vary from school to another individual.Their sleep became deeper, they woke up about 3 to 4 inches above the body, such as milk, eggs and meats at odd times of World War II in Hawaii right after World War II in Hawaii right after World War II.Across the United States, a practitioner has completed his treatment and come back again in a few weeks of fasting and meditating, you develop your skills over time, and with practice of breathing and physical condition, while leaving the residual effect of radiance, peace and health to an hour, and the ability that all the effort required to become a Reiki professional.I am a healer is quite subtle starting from the Reiki symbols is that when used in conjunction with a client or as with the concepts required in order to be attenuated with so many miracles, most of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine creates through giving.

#Who Can Do Reiki Astounding Unique Ideas #What To Expect With A Reiki Treatment

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tipsycad147 · 4 years

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The days grow shorter and the longest night of the year spreads its cloak of stars across the land. Known by many names including the Winter Solstice, Yule, Midwinter, Alban Arthan, it’s a time of cold, the steady burn of the hearthfire, and gathering together with friends and family.

Even the cities can take on a strange and peaceful silence during the winter (especially after a fresh snowfall). The woods are dark, branches stripped of their leaves, and most animals are hibernating or have moved south to warmer climates. The sharp icy air tingles with the magick of a thousand candles and twinkling lights. I find myself under blankets, sipping hot teas and cocoas, while lost in a good book (it's probably on witchcraft). Now is a quiet time in the apothecary - herbs have already been harvested and charmed into remedies during the fall and, except for the occasional custom blend for a new cold or deep need to create another herbal coffee, there is blissfully less to do.

The Winter Solstice marks the turn of the wheel from the mutable fire sign of Sagittarius to the cardinal earth sign of Capricorn. The frenzy of preparation and transition during the fall settles into the soft energy of winter (especially after the winter holidays have passed). Spend time outdoors enjoying the refreshing chill in the air, but be sure to balance it with warm downtime indoors. Read that book you’ve been putting off. Drink warming teas and add warming spices to your food. Do those things which make you feel cosy.

Weeds

Body System Focus: Kidneys, Bladder, + Liver or Strengthen + Settle Into Your Flow

Within the four elements system of traditional western herbalism (I write more about TWH energetics over here), the season of winter is the transformation of the dryness of earth into the coldness of water. Our bodies are moving from the busyness of gathering our resources in the fall to the settling depths of winter’s dark. It’s time to move from the hurry, hurry, get it done of fall into the slow down and have another cup of tea of winter. Continuing the magick of fall with warming stews and root vegetables. Heating and warming herbs are a must to help us keep our internal fires well taken care of as well as herbs that support the immune system. The plant allies of winter are immunomodulating and sometimes immunostimulating. They are often diuretic in nature, supporting liver and kidney health. If the magick of winter is difficult to connect to, check out the healing ways of Capricorn to help you find a spark of joy.

Weeds are scarce during winter, but the ones that remain are often roots, trees or connected to trees. Evergreens are persistent allies during the winter season and they’re scent alone can have an uplifting and invigorating affect on the body. Autumn's retreat from the summer is complete and the time of the Oldest Ones has arrived with their bare rattling bones and stone teeth. Enjoying foraged weeds as food and medicine is an amazing way to connect with the season and practice self-care. If you want to learn more about the healing properties of weeds, I highly recommend checking out The Wise Wisdom of Weeds: 13 Essential Plants for Human Survival by Katrina Blair.

Pine (Pinus spp.) : Evergreens like Pine offer some of the only colour in far northern climates, keeping their green wrapped around them throughout the year. The needles of the tree are a rich source of vitamin C and make a enjoyable tea. Pine also supports healthy circulation and is a great preventative and restorative remedy from winter illnesses like laryngitis, bronchitis, and the ‘flu. It helps to protect cells from damage - an excellent ally in preventative care against cancer. I collect chunks of the recently fallen sap and add it to honey to create a antiviral, analgesic, and expectorant syrup for coughs and colds. Add the needles to baths for pain-relief and to soften tight muscles. Incorporate Pine into your practice if your health is impacted by feelings of guilt and failure - the tree teaches us how resilient by showing us what is no longer necessary to carry.

Chaga (Inonotus obliquus) : Chaga is a mushroom that grows on trees such as the Birch. It has recorded use in traditional Chinese medicine since the first century and is a prized medicine in many far northern habitats where it can be found growing wild. I was first introduced to Chaga while living in Maine where I would make crockpots of Chaga hot cocoa at the cafe I worked at (it was amazing stuff). Like many mushrooms, Chaga helps to regulate the immune system - a common need during the winter when colds are passed around like gifts. Chaga has been used in cancer care as it inhibits the growth of tumors and its rich antioxidant content. It’s a hepatoprotective mushroom, acting as a guardian of the liver. I love incorporating it into chai blends and herbal coffees as it lends an earthy and grounding taste.

Uva Ursi (Arctostaphylos spp.) : Known also as Bearberry, Uva Ursi is an evergreen shrub with extensive use in both European and American Indian medicine. Where Pine is warming, Uva Ursi is cooling, reducing inflammation and toxin-supporting heat. It’s a classic remedy in traditional western herbalism for kidney complaints including urinary tract infections, urethritis, bladder and kidney stones, kidney infections, pulmonary edema, and more. Uva Ursi also helps with the imbalances to the skin brought about by kidney problems including acne, rashes, and dandruff (use both topically and externally). Uva Ursi is powerful medicine and should only be used for a week at a time with week-long breaks in-between.

Oregon Grape Root (Mahonia aquifolium or nervosa, Berberis aquifolium or nervosa) : Similar to Uva Ursi, Oregan Grape is another evergreen shrub with antimicrobial and diuretic gifts that support the liver. The root is powerfully cleansing, sweeping through the body and clearing out excess heat. It opens the blood vessels helping to lower blood pressure. It dries up wet, damp, mucusy coughs and assists with general debility. Oregon Grape is a powerful ally when it comes to staph and other infections. The herb is also a great winter bitter, stimulating a sluggish digestive system and supporting a healthy appetite. Like Uva Ursi, skin problems caused by a sluggish liver and digestion are alleviated with Oregon Grape.

Dandelion Root (Taraxacum officinale) : Roasted Dandelion Root is an essential part of my cosy winter practice. The root supports liver health, gently detoxifying the overtaxed organ. It is wonderfully useful for skin complaints like acne and eczema both as an internal and external treatment. I incorporate the roasted root into chai blends and herbal coffees (both of which, you may have surmised at this point, are very popular in my house during the winter) and it brings a rich coffee-like flavor to the brew. If you’re someone who suffers from heartburn and excess acidity, try adding some Dandelion bitters into your routine before and after meals. Dandelion Flower Essence can be useful for folks who struggle with the dark of long winter nights, feeling hopeless and forlorn. The essence helps to bring brightness and levity to dark places.

Elm (Ulmus Procera) Flower Essence : Elm Flower Essence is for the doers and great sacrificers who do what needs doing, but at the end of the day they are left utterly exhausted. Folks who are best served by Elm are ones that struggle to take time off because so much of their self-worth is tied up in feeling useful to others. Elm teaches us how to find self-worth from within by taking much needed time off. The tree shows us different ways of connecting and communicating with people that doesn’t rely on us wearing ourselves thin. Elm is also useful for anyone who needs to take a break and put their busy lives and what they think must absolutely get done this very second into perspective.

Witchcraft

Winter is a time of both gathering in (as was begun in Autumn) and gathering together. Spend time working on your grimoire or book of shadows by candlelight. Gather together with covenmates, family, friends, and those you love the most for good food and celebrating. Spend time gazing into the dark curve of the night’s mirror and discover what you find gazing back. Open up to the wonder of the season and connect with your inner child who has never lost touch with their magickal thinking. Take a moment to step out of the busyness of the year - whether pleasurable or stressful - and find yourself connecting to your purpose. For to follow the wheel of the year is to honour the cycle of life, death, and rebirth, learning from all three overlapping and entangled phases. Sometimes it’s hard to discover what we feel the purpose of life is until it feels too late. So perform some meditative magick and imagine that you’re about to step through life into death. What would want to know that you had spent your life doing? I have found such a practice to be life-affirming, purpose-aligning, and interwoven with the energies of winter. To help you continue to dive into the world of winter magick, I offer you three forms of winter magick that I practice to help me settle into the power of the darkest part of the year.

3 Paths of Winter Magick

Settling In : We settle in to the season of slowness and dark. Rituals include long-term spells and charms completed over a series of days and weeks; house protection charms and first foot rituals; bringing warmth and nature indoors including candles, evergreen boughs, berries and citrus; divination for goal setting with an emphasis on timing; spells to protect your time; homecoming and soul-loss rituals; body-centred practices to help you come home to your self; pay attention to your need for quiet, calmness, and time spent alone or only with the closest of companions (including our animal friends).

Settling In Meditation : Beginning in a position that is comfortable for you, notice where there is tension in your body. Then turn your attention to your feet. Create tension in your feet by tightening your foot muscles and curling your toes - hold this for a few seconds and then release the tension (if you have trouble releasing the tension try saying out loud any of the following words: release, soften, open, trust). Then create tension in your lower legs, holding it for a few moments and then releasing. Follow through to your upper legs, bottom, belly, chest, hands, arms, neck and head. Take a deep breath and observe how your body feels different than when you began.

Connecting Cosmically : We listen to the depths within us so that we may remember and connect to our starry origins. Rituals revolve around connecting to the cosmic dance of dark and light; standing in stillness with the sun on the night of the solstice; rising up singing with the dawn; incorporating astrological correspondences and magickal techniques into your workings; studying the night sky and your birth chart; being caught up in your smallness; finding rapture in your never ending expanse.

Connecting Cosmically Meditation : If you’re able perform this meditation under a night sky please do. Spend some time centring yourself through your breath. Listen to the stars in the sky and in the earth beneath you. Listen to the stars in your blood. With every in-breath call the stars towards you. With every out-breath, glow brighter. In with stars. Out and bright with your glow. Repeat this simple cycle for however long you desire. Be sure to end your meditation with a firm grounding and centring, perhaps choosing to eat salty food to help you return fully to your body.

Wishing Well : We welcome in the magick of being awestruck and enchanted through wishing ourselves and others well. Rituals include any and all activities which delight your inner child; performing spells to help you find your joy; connecting with the house and land spirits from a place of joviality and play; creating a ritual that your tween/teen witch self would be proud of; giving sacred gifts and hosting giveaways; rituals of wishing others good fortune as well as community blessings for health and longevity; inviting in the possibility that you are not and have never been broken; remembering to pay attention to the beauty of the world - beauty is always seeking you, so try and let it find you.

Wishing Well Meditation : Start your meditation by focusing on the statement, “I am enchanted by…” and give space for thoughts, memories, and visions to arise eventually completing the sentence (i.e. I am enchanted by snow flurries dancing along windowsills). Dwell for a time in the feeling of enchantment and of being awestruck. Reflect on the following statement, “I enchant the lives of others by…” In other words, how to move others deeply and help evoke from them a joyful awe of the beauty of the world.

Talisman of Sacred Time

Set aside some time when you'll be uninterrupted (this is the first act of magick for our spell). Make yourself some hot cocoa, get comfortable, and grab a journal or your book of shadows to record the messages you’ll be receiving. The following ritual is part divinatory and part craft. You’ll be creating a talisman to protect your time as sacred in order to help you make choices in your life that align you with your purpose. In other words, instead of spending another weekend shopping mindlessly or scrolling the internet aimlessly, choosing to spend your time caught up in that project you’ve been wanting to do but putting off. Or choosing to lie down, read a book, and go to bed early instead of working another 6 hours into the dusk of morning.

You will need a small pouch of black fabric, some dried Thyme (Thymus vulgaris), a piece of paper and pen, and a tarot deck (or oracle, runes, ogham feda or similar divinatory system).

Begin with divination. Three cards are cast, one for each part of yourself offering a message regarding how to align with time in a sacred manner (i.e. how to spend your time, what to do less of, etc.):

A message from your past self.

A message from your present self.

A message from your future self.

Record any notes and observations that you want to remember. From each card find one word of power. For example, your future self may advise with the word, “explore” while your past self reminds you to “reconcile” and your present self speaks “be.” Write these three words on a piece of paper that can be folded small enough to fit into your talisman pouch.

Keeping the cards out before you, begin to assemble your talisman. Touch the empty pouch to your past, future, and present card, saying:

What was, what shall be, what is.

Repeat this twice more. Then following the same order, say three times through:

Is sacred, is sacred, is sacred.

Finally, fold up your paper and place it in the pouch. Add to it three pinches of Thyme. Thyme is an herb that helps us to bend and shape the current of time running through all of the worlds. Speak the three words of power as you touch each card again with your pouch. Using our example, you would say three times through:

Reconcile. Explore. Be.

Tie up the talisman and seal the spell with a “So mote it be!”

Carry the talisman with you, either wearing it around your neck, slipping it in your pocket, a bra, or other space where it shall be kept close. Speak your words of power to it when you feel time slipping away to regain your footing or when you are spending your time in a way that pleases you to ensorcel it with purpose.

http://www.wortsandcunning.com/blog/witchcraft-weeds-healing-magickal-practices-for-winter

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cameoamalthea · 6 years

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there is ABSOLUTELY a “wrong way to process trauma” and that is by retraumatizing yourself “to cope” and being a pedophile :/

Hi there Anon,

This will be a long response and part of it is under a read more. My theme is not very reader friendly (sorry - need to fix that) so I suggest reading on your dash if you have the extension for that or copy/pasting into a document. Sorry again.

I assume you’re referencing this post. I’m not sure what drama has gone in the thread from that post, because no one reblogged any commentary meant for me from me, but based on your ask I’m assuming some folks misunderstood me. Allow me to clarify.

The point of the post is to respond to @shipwhateveryouwant ‘s post about lack of empathy by pointing out that empathy is hard, especially if you’re dealing with triggers.

I was talking to her.

The “There’s no wrong way to react trauma” refers to getting upset other things that trigger you and coming to the conclusion ‘this is gross’ ‘this is triggering’ ‘this is wrong’

It’s OK to feel that way.

It’s OK to feel anyway that you feel, because your emotions are 100% valid.

However, as my post recommended, it’s important to fact check.

A bit of background, in case you just came here because of that post and aren’t stalking my blog. I’m a survivor of abuse, including CSA, and that left me with scars, both physical and mental. I’m in group therapy DBT, individual therapy which includes EMDR, couple’s therapy (sometimes when two people who have PTSD are in a relationship it can be hard, since we both have to cope with the effect of our partner’s abuse on the other), and I did a year of physical therapy (pelvic floor).

I blog about my recovery, and things I learn because A) Being open about being in therapy (while making me a bit vulnerable) says ‘therapy is nothing to be ashamed of’ and neither is being a survivor, I’m not pretending it never happened AND B) So people who might not have heard about these treatment options of think nothing can help, can see what worked for someone else and know what happened (literally, it took me years to find a treatment plan that worked, and I really thought I was permanently damaged mentally and physically, so it was a big deal when I found out there were things that could help me).

So in my post I used an example of one my big triggers, drugs and the drug trade (I really really have major issues here). However, when I got out of emotion mind and checked the facts, I realized fans of breaking bad weren’t hurting anyone and weren’t trying to hurt me.

I was trying to explain to OP why empathy is such hard work, especially when you’re caught up in you’re emotions. When you’re angry, or hurt or scared.

I’m not angry that people enjoy a TV show that I don’t like…

I’m angry (tw discussion of addiction, child abuse, csa)

that I was born with drugs in my system. I’m angry that my mother continued to use on and off while raising me. I’m angry she fell into heavy drug use and endangered my life. I’m angry I was raped as a kid. I’m angry my own mother threatened to sell me to self traffickers and tried to get me be sexually active at like 13/14 with boys my age she’d leave alone with me (whether I wanted them there or not) because she thought it would make me more willing to turn tricks for her because she needed money (she was supposed to sell drugs for the cartel, but she felt you had to sell drugs Mary Kay style using herself as the free demo, she owed them a lot of money).

I’m angry that I lost my mother, that the person I love disappeared inside the addiction and she became a really awful person when was high. She wasn’t great when she was mostly sober, she always had untreated mental illness and she was always abusive/inappropriate verging on incest, but she’s still my mother and she was all I had and I loved her. I was a child, you love your mommy, and I’m angry that I didn’t have a mother I didn’t have to be afraid of and I 100% blame the drug use because addiction is a fucked up thing.

So I got angry when I saw artists I liked posting Breaking Bad fanart AUs and candy meth picks, because it felt like they were treating something very not funny (drugs and drug addiction, along with the pain I’ve had as a result) as a joke.

However, how I felt doesn’t dictate facts.

I had to step back, check the facts, and realize people liking Breaking Bad weren’t trying to hurt me (or actually hurting me. What other people watch on TV doesn’t effect me).

They weren’t trying to make fun of my experiences or make light of a serious issue. I also knew from my academic research on the topic of whether media influences norm that it really doesn’t… (I did a pre-law minor focused on social justice, and Freshmen Year I set out to prove porn hurt women and caused rape, and quickly found that evidence didn’t support my thesis, video games don’t cause violence, porn doesn’t cause sexual violence – and no I don’t still have the paper, unless I manage to find it on an old hard drive and most of my sources are outdated by now, I’d have to re-research – but I’m actually not here to argue the point).

So I believed, based on evidence and my own research, that media is worthy of critique but doesn’t influence behavior directly. This is my own belief, and I don’t want to argue it. But despite that, despite the fact I didn’t think fiction causes crime, I HATED BREAKING BAD. I felt like it was romanticizing Drugs and making people not take something serious seriously…

Because I wasn’t thinking about it rationally.

I was thinking about it based on my emotions. How I felt.

In DBT we learn that to think of your mind like a Venn Diagram. Rational Mind is one circle, Emotional Mind is in the other circle, and in between is Wise Mind.

Wise Mind is acknowledging your emotions/how something makes you feel but also being able to bring in rational mind, to fact check, which means asking does how I feel fit the facts and remembering that feeling something doesn’t make it true.

If you’re just in rational mind, you can be cold and ignore other people’s feelings, which can make them feel invalidated and make you less effective in dealing with your own feelings (don’t ignore them) and others.

If you’re just in emotional mind, you’re not thinking clearly. You might break down and cry or lash out and hurt someone. You can’t really address the thing that’s upsetting you because you’re not in a place where you can even think clearly about it without getting upset.

If pure rational mind is behind the wheel you’re not a good driver, if pure emotion mind is behind the wheel you’re not ok to drive.

It’s not easy to find wise mind. Mindfulness is the most practiced skill in DBT (it’s a year long class and six months of it just repeating Mindfulness and the other six months are bringing in those skills to apply to other issues…Wise Mind is from the unit on Emotional Regulation…I’ve been in DBT for nearly four years, repeating the class, honing the skills – it’s not easy).

But we should try, for ourselves and others.

I hope OP takes from my post some understanding of where you’re coming from anon and that it’s really hard to be empathetic when something makes you angry, let alone when you’re triggered.

That it’s important to validate.

Rational Mind says ‘people are taking fiction way to seriously. It’s just a TV show, there’s no reason to be upset’

Wise Mind is realizing that feelings aren’t rational and they really are hurting. Even if they don’t lay out their feelings clearly like I did with ‘why Breaking Bad upsets me’ it’s enough to see that someone is upset. If someone is upset, it’s serious to them, validate that.

“I’m sorry that you were hurt. I understand that this reminds you of your trauma. I will tag anything you need. No one should pressure you to deal with triggers you aren’t ready to deal with and I want to make it possible for you avoid things. You seem really upset right now, though, so I don’t think we should fight about anything. We’re not in a place where we can. be calm and get anything out of it. You seem really caught up in a lot of negative emotions. Why don’t you take a break. Go get some ice cream or color or get your mind off things for bit? If you don’t think you’ll ever be ‘not upset’, then I’ll go ahead and block you since my content is bothering you. Have a nice day.”

I hope that you anon, if you bother to read all the way here, takes away from this post that it’s ok to be angry, but realize that feelings aren’t fact and being upset doesn’t justify hurting others.

And attacking people based on what they read or what TV shows they like is hurting others.

Calling anyone a pedophile is hurtful. (that’s a very serious accusation Anon, and not one your should use lightly. Don’t go crying wolf about child predators, it makes people less likely to take real accusations seriously - like if someone calls someone else a pedophile does that mean they’re a sexual predator and a child molester or does that mean they like a TV show I don’t like or read stories that I find upsetting). Again, your feelings are valid Anon, but someone liking a TV show you don’t like doesn’t make them a danger to anyone. Hurting real children makes them a danger to children. We shouldn’t water down terms. We need to take threats to people seriously.

Calling CSA survivors pedophiles, comparing survivors to their abusers or implying they are to blame for their abuse past or future is hurtful.

I like Game of Thrones. I think Jon and Danny are a good match, both as people and politically. I don’t see anything wrong with the relationship, she’s biologically his aunt but they have no relationship.

I like Ouran High School Host Club, and my favorite characters are the twins. Sometimes you can like a messed up story because it’s messed up. It’s just a story.

I ship Catwoman and Batman, and think they’re cute together in Gotham. I like that backstory. I also think Mike and Eleven are cute together.

I like reading and writing fanfic about teenage video game characters that I’ve liked since I was a teenager. I relate to a video game character and take something positive from his story and his relationship with his best friend even though the relationship in game is unhealthy.

This isn’t ‘re-traumatizing’ myself and it’s not ‘being a pedophile’.

I have a degree in creative writing and I look at books as works of art and craft, not moral guides. I look at characters as tools, not people.

That’s not ‘being a pedophile’ that’s being someone with an English Degree (I miss just being able to identify as an English major, saying I have a degree sounds so pretentious to me). That’s being a writer.

I admit that I like relationships between predator and prey, between people and monsters. That’s not ‘re-traumatizing myself’ either.

Abuse, in my experience, has been when someone you love, someone you’re supposed to be able to trust and feel safe with instead hurts you and makes you unsafe. It’s a betrayal of trust. It makes you question if you’re lovable or worthy of love because someone who was supposed to care for you hurt you.

I like stories about monsters. You’re not supposed to be able to trust a monster. The monster makes you feel afraid. It’s going to hurt you. It’s nature is to hurt you. I like stories where instead of killing you the monster falls in love with you and changes, becomes loving and trustworthy and keeps you safe. It’s a fantasy of being so special, or mattering so much, of being so love able that that you can tame dragons.

It’s about the inverse of abuse. A power fantasy. Exploring fear and helplessness within a safe controlled fantasy.

That’s not ‘re-traumatizing’ myself. I promise, I’m fine anon. I’m not hurting myself and I have a support network. Thank you for your concern, though, but please remember you’re not responsible for anyone else.

It’s scary, but you don’t control the world or others. If you’re afraid someone is doing something that hurts them, sometimes you have to accept you can’t change that. (And that’s hard, I know, my mother is a drug addict). Sometimes you have to distance yourself. If people are doing things that upset you, block them and that content, take a step back.

#Anonymous

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