#and she's the one who literally schedules her grief
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⏤ para sentir el calor del sol, series masterlist.
pairing. joel miller x fem!reader
series synopsis. the story of a man riddled with coldness, struggling to let in the warmth he's hidden away from for years, and the ray of sunshine he calls his sol.
series warnings. no use of y/n ( reader has the nickname of sol ), enemies-ish to lovers, slow-burn, sunshine!reader, queer!tess, miscommunication/no communication, toxic approaches to love/feelings, obsessive behaviours, pining, undefined age gap ( reader can be interpreted as late 20s/early 30s in the canon timeline ) discussions of s.a., depictions of grief, child-loss and canon-typical violence, limited fluff, angst, smut ( lots of it ).
series wordcount. 30.9k ( thus far. )
series playlist. dia de enero - shakira, fallingforyou - the 1975, he gets me so high - beabadoobee, hate to see your heart break - paramore, out of the woods - taylor swift
disclaimers. 1) this series will roughly comply with the canon of both the hbo series and the video game but i have taken the liberty of changing certain scenes, events and dialogue to better suit the fic’s plot. 2) this series will have no official update schedule because i suck at sticking to them. no link = not posted yet.
add yourself to the taglist.
read on ao3. ( capitalisation available )
a word from hyde. i never intended for the likeability paradox to turn into this, it was simply meant to be a brainrot drabble of joel being on his knees. now here i am, willing to put my life on the line for joel and his sol, no hesitation because they mean that much to me.
i. the likeability paradox.
synopsis. joel miller is not a man who strives to be liked, with a chip on his shoulder and a scowl on his face, until his world is flipped on its axis when the pretty young thing living under bill and frank's roof, with an irritatingly unwavering smile and the literal sun shinning out her ass, says those five damned words: i don't like you, joel.
warnings. pining, unrequited love, canon-typical violence, smut ( oral- f receiving, fingering, degradation, panty stealing, hair pulling, dirty talk, dubcon. )
word count. 12.9k
ii. the revving of engines.
synopsis. joel miller’s not made it this far in the age of the apocalypse just to die at the hands of some adrenaline-crazed, no-brain-having fool who barely knows where to place her hands on the steering wheel. hind-sight fully intact and ever-so eye opening, he should have said no before frank could even finish his question: can you teach the girl to drive?
warnings. panic attacks, perv!joel, slightly dark!joel, soft!joel ( for like a second ), a smidge of fluff, gun violence, murder, smut ( unprotected piv sex- don’t be silly, wrap that willy-, public sex, car sex but also not, exhibitionism, possessiveness, murder kink [ kinda but not really, joel just gets... more enthusiatic at the thought of protecting the reader], mentions/implications of panty stealing, male masturbation, sex as a form of payment, glory-holes, dubcon.
word count. 16.8k
iii. the butterfly theory.
synopsis. two seasons pass before joel's very eyes and, without the presence of his sol, neither the spring nor the summer seem to heat his aching soul. what's meant to be a simple drop off at bill and frank's becomes a whirlwind of events that sends you barrelling right back into joel's arms, and all it takes is a horrified shriek: otis is missing!
warnings. mentions/implications of sa, only-one-bed trope ( with a twist ), smut. + more warnings to be added !
word count. ( unknown ).
iv. the weight of silver.
synopsis. joel should have known better than to trust that woman to keep her mouth shut. it’s not that tess servopoulos is bad at keeping secrets but, rather, that she views them as a way to connect, to share a precious gem among those she cares about. the added affect of embarrassing joel is merely the cherry on top. she may have put her foot a little too far into her mouth with this one though: joel’s got a new woman.
warnings. jealousy, possessiveness, hints of sexual ownership, smut. + more warnings to be added !
word count. ( unknown ).
(+ more parts to be added. )
timeline outtakes ! aka drabbles
11:11 ( infected, 2008 ).
14:57 ( unshaken, 2011 ).
22:22 ( lookalike, 2016 ).
18:22 ( leashes, 2022 ).
20:34 ( tuxedos, 2023 ).
05:48 ( sunrise, 2023 ).
03:33 ( terror, 2023 ).
02:13 ( delirium, 2023 ).
08:03 ( routine, 2023 ).
19:17 ( overheard, 2023 ).
#joel miller smut#joel miller series#joel miller fic#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal smut#joel miller fluff#joel miller angst#𓄹 nav;
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TOP 10 favourite AA fanfics? (if you have one)
Oh hello xD That's a great blog name! Does that mean more questions will follow ._.?
Anyways, my reading speed has taken a nosedive as of late; too many things have been going on and I'm trying to stick to my own writing schedule too... so my recs remain mostly the same as the previous times I've been asked. Still, here are a few of my faves:
Bury Me in the Shadows of Spring & My Yellow Light in Your Soft Whispers by @annawayne . Features some of the most compelling story-telling I've ever seen. The former is a historic AU set in the 1920s and holy shit the immersion? Anna comes armed with a deep, impressive knowledge base of history and so the fic takes you straight back in time, as if you were standing in the time period itself. BMSS is a story carrying very heavy themes, and the dive into the character's psyches is simply stellar.
As for the latter, a post-canon fic set 10 years after the Rumbling, MYLYSW is a story that takes an in-depth study into the ways that an intensely traumatic event can affect people - both the victims and of those around them. It's a wonderful telling of grief, heartache, unresolved ghosts from the past, with stunning imagery and descriptive writing. :3
Black Water & everything else in @distortedclouds 's collection. BW is, as another reader very aptly put it, the single best take I've seen on Annie's relationship with her father, and how it affects Aruani's relationship. Clouds' mastery in prose and narration is on a whole other level, and every chapter literally hurts your bones. Aside from that, all the other fics in the collection are simply wonderful reads, with everything ranging from fluff to angst to smut and everything in between! My wife is very talented you see :3 Unparalleled!
Little Bird by @aquietjune . Simply a fantastic Annie-centric post-canon story, with writing skills that simply leave you in awe. June takes a deep dive into many of Annie's issues and problems that are still left unresolved, though the world may be rid of titans. Her dedication to period-appropriate research, and the how's and why's of in-world problems make the story a truly delightful experience, and coupled with her talent of being able to tell so much in so few words, this remains one of the best post-canon fics I've ever read. Please also check out her other works, she has an uncanny ability to make you laugh until your sides hurt xD
Coveted by @honeytheriot . One of the first aruani fics I read after the S4 P3 P1 dropped in March 2023, and holy shit xD Every chapter is a smut-filled goodness and delight, and honeyriot makes it WORK with her writing!
Children of War by @/SeaTempest . Primarily a Jeanpiku fic with Aruani as a side-couple, this fic features some of the best writing I've ever seen. Smooth prose and convincing post-canon world-building, plus very good character monologues?? Hell yeah. Hasn't been updated in a while, but has plenty of content, absolutely worth a read.
Tater Tots & Heavy Thoughts by Anonymous and everything in this collection. TT&HT is a modern AU Aruani fic primarily from Armin's POV, dealing with some very dark and heavy subject matter. The writing is really good, and while I haven't caught upto later chapters, I highly recommend it. The other fics in the collection are great too :3
There are many more tbh, but my head is mushy for the moment xD However, I'll add some fics I've been following as of late!
on the path that led me to you by @the-last-thread-of-my-sanity & By Each Crime and Kindness (I'm bound to you) by @aruanimess - two Cadet Aruani fics taking place that are an absolute delight to read! Wonderful writing, wonderful characterization, lots of fluff, and the impending doom of angst~
Who painted the sky? by @dudewhy3 & Hiding in Plain Sight by @midnightraine131, two Modern AU fics that take a look into the issues Aruani deal with from their past, in a modern real-world setting. Engaging and fun, with sprinkles of heavy angst now and then.
A Force To Be Reckoned by @luciensdefenseattorney . Inspired by Bridgerton, this is a wonderfully written and highly engaging Aruani fic set in the regency era. You just want Armin and Annie to kiss and find out all about each other already.
Legends by @mimiwrites2000-fun . Canon-divergence and wonderfully written, this is an Aruani fic spanning 32 chapters and counting! Lots of emotional, heart-wrenching moments, Mimi is a writer who embraces angst with a passion and doesn't shy away from hurting you T^T
#I have to catch up with the latest updates on many of these#T_T#please have patience with me#I'm doing my best!#ask#askingtheaafandomquestions#aruani#attack on titan#fic rec#aruani fic#armin arlert#annie leonhart#armin x annie#aruannie
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Hey hey.. it’s your fav Dominik simp 😮💨
It’s Mother’s Day in the UK and I lost my mother unfortunately soooo I was wondering if you could do some Dominik comfort if you’re feeling it?
(I’ll end up re reading jd smut anyway but I thought I’d ask 🫶)
loss
a/n: literally anything for you ❤️ i hope this makes your day, sending you all the love!!
synopsis: dominik comes home to comfort you on one of the most difficult days of the year.
tags: SFW, grief, loss, mention of death, crying, fem!reader
Nothing about Mother’s Day was easy for you; a holiday you once loved celebrating turned into a memory after you lost your mother almost a year ago. Dominik knew this day was difficult as well and he wanted to do everything in his power to make you feel at least a little bit better, but he also knew it was going to be difficult. He did his best though by sending you a voice message early that morning, as did your other close friends and family who knew how difficult today was going to be for you.
You’d found yourself on the couch for the majority of the day waiting for Dominik to get home from the airport. You had a box full of pictures and anything sentimental relating to your mom in front of you, curled up in her favorite blanket as you sorted through pictures. Even though there was a smile on your face getting to see her in some of your favorite memories, that didn’t make it hurt any less. Tears rolled down your cheeks the entire time, and eventually you stopped holding back the quiet sobs that threatened to leave your lips. You didn’t even hear Dominik open the front door.
When Dominik walked in and saw you, his heart broke immediately. He wanted to be home from the moment you woke up but he also had to work with a busy travel schedule. Luckily he was able to get home as soon as management would allow him, but that didn’t make him feel any less bad about it. Dom’s face fell when he heard your soft cries and he abandoned his bags by the door. “Babe…” he said softly, watching you turn your head to look at him as he made his way to the couch. “Dom, I-I…” you started to say, but Dominik shook his head in response and sat next to you on the couch. As soon as his arms were around you, you started to sob even harder.
“I know, baby. I know.” Dominik whispered into your hair as he let you cry into his chest. He shifted your body so it was in his lap and his grip tightened on you. “It’s n-not fair.” You cried, and he nodded in response. “It’s not fair. But we’re going to get through it.” Dom responded, running a hand through your hair as his body slowly rocked back and forth.
Eventually your sobs died down into sniffles, your hand reaching over to grab some pictures of your mom that you’d been looking at before. Dominik looked at them with you, letting you sit in a comfortable silence to grieve your loss. “She would’ve loved you.” You told Dom softly, making him give the tiniest smile into your hair. “She always told me to find a strong man to take care of me.” You looked up at him, his thumb coming up and wiping the tears from your cheeks. “I have a feeling I would’ve loved her too.” Dominik said softly. “Show me some more pictures of her.”
You spent the next few hours sorting through pictures with Dominik, telling him all about your family and the moments behind those pictures. He got to see birthday parties, special events, holidays, anything that was sentimental. He also got to tease you for the pictures of younger you, and you made a mental note to get payback for that later.
Dom spent the rest of the day doing things with you that made you happy; he cooked every meal, watched your favorite tv shows, and ran a hot bath for you that you asked him to join. As you two laid in the tub, bubbles surrounding your bodies and you leaning back into his chest, you looked up at him with a smile. “Thank you for everything.” You said softly as Dom leaned down to kiss your nose. “Anything for you, baby.” He said, his fingers dancing on your skin under the water. “I know I can’t fix it, but I’ll do whatever I can to make it better.” You leaned up to give him his own gentle kiss, smiling for one of the first times that day. “You did a pretty good job.”
#wwe x reader#wwe imagine#wwe the judgement day imagine#wwe the judgement day#dominik mysterio headcanons#dominik mysterio imagine#dominik mysterio x reader#dominik mysterio
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I have an MFA in writing, 5 years of therapy, and far too much time. buckle up for my analysis of Gayloy from burning shores
Ok the MFA is coming in 3 weeks, but WHOO BOY i have thoughts.
Click below for spoilers. DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU FINISH.
As a bi woman who writes lesbians professionally, I want it known that I was 1000% on board with them as a couple, and cleared literal days of my schedule to play it and confirm.
And I still don't think Aloy is ready for romance. I think The Kiss is the least plausible, and least enjoyable, of the three endings.
Let's dive into why.
It starts at childhood, as always.
Aloy has grown up an outcast. She relied on herself and Rost--and then Rost died, and it was just her. Every single chance she's had, she's rebuked romance. She wrote it off as "I'm saving the world" or "I just don't know how people work yet," but the reality is that she doesn't know HOW to rely on people.
Vulnerability is a learned skill.
I'll say it again. VULNERABILITY is a LEARNED skill.
Some people, those with healthy households, learn this skill early on, and practice it often. Those are the people we see giving everything of themselves to someone they love. They feel deeply, empathize well, and have happy relationships.
And then there's people like Aloy. Someone who was shown love from one person--and a whole lotta hate from the rest of them. Someone who grew up being told that she couldn't rely on a tribe--because if she failed the Proving, there wouldn't BE a tribe to rely on. Rost hoped for the best... and prepared her for the worst.
Then she dove into the world at large, and was presented time and time again with romance opportunities. The Sun King is the biggest one--obviously his infatuation ran deep, but of course it would, finding the one person in a whole kingdom who'd challenge him. She turned him down, and in her mind, she probably reasoned it away in a neat little box.
"I'm not like the other suitors he's met. He only likes me because I'm different."
This can be true.
"But he doesn't know who I really am."
This can be true--but it's also a defense mechanism. A barrier Aloy placed to protect herself from rejection. Because if she convinces herself these people don't really know her, it's easy for her to keep them at arm's length.
Easy to be the lone warrior.
We see the same kind of thing with Varl, hoping to follow her into the wilds. With Erend, so excited to see her, so irritated she doesn't reciprocate. Kotollo viewed her admirably, although I think his personality is a bit too subservient to truly challenge Aloy (essentially his commander) into the growth she needs.
Man after man demonstrated their affection, and she held them all at arm's length. For the good of the world, right?
So, okay. She's a lesbian--or at the very least, bi or pan. We can reason away the men, certainly, but she uses the same techniques with the women. Talanah, our fan favorite, was truly a perfect match for Aloy. Strong, resilient, excellent fighter. They progressed in the same way Seyka did--and yet, Talanah was deep in the throes of another man.
Which was probably a huge fucking relief to Aloy. Because if Talanah was after a guy... then she wasn't an option for Aloy.
Which means Aloy didn't have to do any intensive introspection to discover why they might be a good match.
She could wave Talanah away, and feel absolutely no remorse or grief when Talanah returned home. In fact, Aloy might have even left that experience feeling satisfied that she helped a friend--and be utterly oblivious to the chemistry they could have had.
This is how avoidant people--those who haven't learned to trust, to rely on others, to show vulnerability--experience the world.
And this is somewhat devastating, because Talanah's quest came at the exact time that Varl was teaching Aloy how to empathize, lean on people, be vulnerable for the first time in her life. Aloy didn't have to do it alone--and if Talanah had been in a position to receive it, I think they could have had a spectacular romance.
But it didn't happen.
So, we move on.
Aloy loses Varl, learns to lean on her friends, learns to let people in. This alone is spectacular character growth--but it's easy to have friends. Humans crave it. We need companionship, so once Varl laid the groundwork, Aloy was able to embrace this.
We don't see her embracing romance.
Until Seyka.
This is where the potential had me--and the execution lost me.
Because Seyka is presented as this fantastic option for Aloy--and the starving, desperate fanbase standing behind her. From the first interaction, I had high hopes. When Aloy says, "you must be confused," and Seyka basically responds with "confused about why you'd FLY towards that TOWER OF DEATH, maybe," I was ready for someone who challenges Aloy.
I wanted a love interest who was more competent than Aloy in some ways. I actually liked Varl in that way, before he found Zo: the fact that he challenged Aloy to push her own comfort level in order to embrace others was a great complement to Aloy's abrasive nature.
Seyka, while fantastic, almost feels like an Aloy clone.
They're both competent, capable, and closed-off. They're both hiding secrets to spare the others' feelings--when in reality, they're sparing themselves from tough conversations.
Because that's what Aloy, at least, has been trained to do. Bear the burden alone to spare the others. Fight the machine alone to keep the others safe. She protects fiercely, which means that she never has to be the one experiencing loss.
How convenient. >.>
I love the idea of Seyka. I can't wait to see where fanon takes her personality. But right now, with just the DLC content, it feels like she's the caricature of a romantic interest for Aloy. The perfect girl--in theory. But not when you consider psychology.
There was a huge missed opportunity when Aloy finally revealed Nemesis's existence, in my opinion. Aloy protected Seyka from this Big, Dangerous News to help her morale--and to keep from ruining what they've developed with something possibly devastating.
She finally told Seyka... and Seyka responded by literally fleeing the room in horror.
I get that everyone needs time to process these things. But in my mind, all that reaffirmed for Aloy is, "My instincts were right. I can't rely on others with this Big, Dangerous News. They can't handle it. So, I have to handle it for them."
There was SUCH an opportunity there. A chance for Aloy to tell her, and for Seyka to contemplate it for a moment, smile, and say, "I'm glad you told me. Let's tackle it together."
Something to show Aloy, in that concrete moment, that this is a person she can rely on.
That is what would have made Seyka great, to me.
Everything that followed after is a series of insta-love, in my opinion. Aloy looks at Seyka with near-literal hearts in her eyes, but it didn't feel earned. By the end, I don't feel like Seyka did anything unique that Aloy's friends in Forbidden West hadn't already done to her at some point: rescue her, adventure with her, stop a massive scheme with her.
Seyka, in my mind, doesn't currently have enough personality of her own to stand out. She's just another soldier in Aloy's army.
There will be [straight] people angry at the LGBT+ rep here, and I don't even feel that our community can argue it. As far as lesbian rep goes, that was not a great example of a natural romance. It felt forced for most of that DLC.
But that romance could be great. And that's where I love that the developers added options other than the kiss. As much as I loved the idea of them kissing, I still don't buy it with the scenes we were given.
Seyka latched onto Aloy because Aloy treated her with admiration at a time when Seyka's tribe nearly disowned her. Fair. I believe Seyka might truly be in love with Aloy.
But Aloy herself? There's no way in hell she'd be diving into a romantic relationship after one single adventure with this girl--even one as sweeping as this. Aloy doesn't know who Seyka is. Aloy hasn't seen Seyka in a relaxed setting--only one where she's panicking for her tribe, her sister, and the future. And Aloy's brain will be too logic-entrenched to succumb to emotional impulse alone.
Because that's the interesting thing about avoidant people. They rely on themselves, and their logic. That's what's kept them alive until this point. If Aloy showed vulnerability in the past, she put herself at risk in every sense of the word.
Even Seyka wouldn't be enough to break that barrier right away.
But I do think she could try in the sequel, and that's why I'm thrilled for this character. Someone the developers can truly use to force Aloy to grow emotionally.
To do that, though, the developers will have to dive into Seyka, and show me why she's the person for Aloy. What about her history makes her The Candidate? It can't just be that she's "an inspiration." I need more than that. I need to see Seyka in a relationship, coaxing Aloy through the moments of panic and shattering the barriers Aloy erects out of fear, under the guise of "logic."
Show me that, and I'm on board with a kiss.
Until then, I'll go write some fanfiction.
Sincerely,
An avoidant working through her own shit.
Thank you very much for attending my TED Talk.
#aloy#seyka#burning shores#the burning shores#sapphic#lgbt representation#horizon zero dawn#horizon forbidden west#horizon dlc#aloy x seyka#hfw spoilers#horizon#psychology#avoidant attachment#vulnerability#horizon burning shores
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Headcanons About Meliodas' Sleep
(Brought to you by this post and encouraged by @7-ratsinatrenchcoat)
Okay. First of all, demons are nocturnal. You cannot convince me otherwise. It's literally canon that they are at least twice as strong at night. You expect me to believe they just sleep through that? No chance. Demons are nocturnal; their sleepy time is the daytime.
Of course this doesn't mean they can only sleep during the day. Demons are as flexible with their sleep as any other race. They're also forced to be so more than any other race, given the war with races who very much are not nocturnal. But the best and most natural option for them is to sleep during the day.
Demons also need less sleep than humans.
Now Meliodas has always had a crappy sleep schedule. Between his father, Chandler, leading the Ten Commandments and the constant conflict with the goddesses, Meliodas doesn't have the time (or takes the time) to take care of himself properly.
His sleep especially suffers from this. Because not only does it not match the expectations placed on him, it also means leaving himself more open and vulnerable than he's comfortable with.
Because of this, Meliodas is also a very light sleeper; always alert in the case of a threat. The only times he actually sleeps deeply is when he feels completely safe (around people he trusts).
The first time it happened was with Elizabeth at Heaven's Theater. It wasn't something he planned to do, of course, but it was the first time in a long time that he actually felt at peace. (And even he can only go so long without any proper sleep). When Elizabeth noticed that he'd fallen asleep, she just let him sleep, keeping watch over him. It ended up being the best sleep he'd had in years.
After Meliodas joins Stigma, his sleep does not get any better. He doesn't have any more reason to feel safe there than he did in the Demon Realm, and with Stigma's members being diurnal, his opportunities to sleep during the day is significantly decreased (Ludociel is not about to accommodate for a demon's needs).
He technically could sleep during the night instead, but it's not something that comes naturally to him, and frankly, he doesn't like it. So when he can get away with it, he doesn't. Instead, he gets his sleep mostly through naps of varying lengths during the day.
Elizabeth, Gloxinia and Drole all work together to make sure that Meliodas gets the sleep that he needs. They do this by giving Meliodas time to sleep, distracting Ludociel, keeping non-demon friendly Stigma members away, and just watching over him.
As much as possible, they try to make sure at least one of them is by his side as he sleeps. Because he sleeps a lot better around people he trusts, but also because otherwise they'd have to trust him to take care of his own sleep (and as we've already established, he sucks at this).
After the curse, things get a lot worse before they get better. During that first time (before he meets Elizabeth's first reincarnation), Meliodas just goes through the motions. Sometimes he's awake/walks until he collapses, sometimes he sleeps for days; caught up in his grief and burdened by his newfound immortality.
Starting with the Elizabeths, Meliodas finally regains some regularity back into his sleep. Mostly because he needs to keep her safe, needs to figure out a way to break the curse; but also because she's always Elizabeth, she always cares about him and his well-being.
Adjusting to a human sleeping schedule is hard. Over the years, Meliodas develops some hybrid sleep pattern. He sleeps some during the nights, but also stays awake through most of them and sleeps during the day whenever he can.
Meliodas' sleep is at its best when he's with Elizabeth and/or have something that requires him to keep to a proper schedule.
Meliodas still sucks at taking care of himself though and will often mess up his sleep up. Something Merlin has been on his case about many times over the years; there have been threats of violence.
For that she is grateful for more than one reason when they gather the rest of the Seven Deadly Sins. With how close they are all living, how close they are all working, Meliodas has less openings to fuck upp his sleep. Especially since the other Sins don't know that he is a demon, meaning they expect him to keep to a human sleep schedule. If he fucks it up, they notice, and they care.
Meliodas also feels a lot of responsibility for the other Sins, so he's more careful about making sure he gets his sleep, so not to mess up their chances at a better life.
He still doesn't like sleeping at night, however, so he works around that whenever he can. For example, insisting on keeping watch during the night while the others sleep.
This also means he frequently takes naps during the day. It's something that the others think is weird at first, but over the years they just accept it as a quirk of their captain.
Meliodas has the habit of falling asleep randomly and pretty much anywhere, when around the other Sins. He knows that even if these people don't know the truth about him, they will have his back. So he feels safe around them, and relaxes enough to fall asleep. And when I say anywhere, I mean ANYWHERE. Just as long as someone else of the Sins is nearby.
Mostly it happens when they're alone, just the Seven Deadly Sins. But sometimes it has happened in more public situations. If anyone would dare to say anything about the captain of the legendary Seven Deadly Sins falling asleep "inappropriately", well, they'd be quickly shut down by the rest.
After the Seven Deadly Sins are framed and forced into hiding, Meliodas struggles not to fall back into bad habits. It's mostly keeping to his routines (running the tavern, being around Hawk, etc.) that keeps him from slipping too badly.
It's hard though, not being around the people who he feels most safe with. Thankfully, the Boar Hat gives him privacy at least, letting him be more relaxed.
Being away from Elizabeth is the hardest. The not knowing what's going on with her. He knows she's alive, because the curse says she'll die in front of him. But that's only a small comfort, and over the decade her fate and well-being sometimes keeps him awake both night and day.
After his secret/race is properly revealed, Meliodas is more open with his sleep. His sleep doesn't really change much compared to before, but the way he deals with it does. He's all lot more honest about it - yeah, he hasn't slept yet, it's night, he doesn't really feel like sleeping.
The others approach it differently now too. It's not just an odd quirk of their captain, it's part of his nature. This means that if he wants to sleep during the day, he should sleep during the day. Of course, they've always let him do that, but now they're more adamant about it (not even Meliodas is allowed to get in the way of Meliodas' natural sleep kind of adamant).
As king of Liones, Meliodas doesn't always have the luxury of sleeping whenever he wants to - but he still keeps to more of a hybrid sleep pattern. He loves falling asleep with Elizabeth, so he will sleep some during the night. But will also stay awake most of it and take some nap during the day - depending on the day and the state of the kingdom/his duties that day.
When Tristan was little, he and Meliodas used to nap together during the day (you know, something like this).
#(finally got around to making this yay!)#omg this got long XD#apparently i have a looot of thoughts about mel's sleep... maybe i should make a fic out of this one day?#nanatsu no taizai#seven deadly sins#meliodas nnt#nnt headcanons#meliodas headcanons#libra talks
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I think that Viewpoint B and 45510 say something about Ai herself, both stories dive deep into her character. can you elaborate on it
The side stories are really interesting to me because like — IDK how intentional this was on Akasaka's part but they feel like a really deliberate study in contrast. They both have the same basic setup of a B-Komachi member looking back on her time on the group and her relationship with Ai from the perspective of them as grown adults over a decade out from Ai's death. The most immediate contrast is tonewise— Viewpoint B is a quietly sad and melancholic piece sort of tinged with nostalgia, especially with how Rie Takahashi chooses to perform Kyun in the audio drama adaptation of it. By contrast, 45510 is sooooo angry and bitter and Nino is so hostile and angry even years later when she really should have started moving on with her life. Not that there's a timeframe or schedule for grief, obviously, but to be this actively resentful and contemptuous of a person who has been dead for fifteen years... bitch will you PLEASE get your gay ass to therapy already!!!
When it comes to Ai, though, what strikes me is the consistency. Just like how both stories are about B-Komachi members reminiscing, Ai spends both stories reaching out and trying to connect with them and we get a whole lot of juicy thematic stuff as a result.
In 45510, Nino isn't connecting with the 'real' Ai— her equivalent of Ai & Kyun's talk is her passively taking in one of Ai's old videos, feeding on the "Ai of B-Komachi" she's still obsessed with. Even in this one-sided, sanitized form though we see over and over during the stream that Ai is doing everything she can to try and connect; she gives stumblingly earnest answers to the questions she picks out from the chat and even outright says that even though it scares her, she wants people to understand her and see even the parts of herself she hates. The purity of this wish is so strong that even Nino, who hates Ai so much that she accuses her of lying about things that Nino knows for a fact are fucking true begrudgingly admits those are Ai's true feelings and that she had finally listened to them for the first time in her life.
That's why the ending is such a gut punch. This tentative peek into the cracks in Ai's armor is enough for Nino to go looking for more of her only to react with such shock and disgust when she is faced with this full image of the real Ai reaching out to her via the blog that all she can think to do is irrevocably destroy it. It's just as Nino herself says— she's a woman more devoted to "the idol, Ai" than anyone else. That's why she can't allow Hoshino Ai to exist.
Viewpoint B contrasts this at almost every step of the way. Not only is Kyun's moment of connection a two-way street but it's with Ai herself, in person. Once again, we see Ai going out of her way to reach out and try to connect and for a brief, shining moment, someone actually reaches back. It's just for one evening but she and Kyun actually connect on a real human level; Kyun not only gets a peek at the real Ai's pain and human vulnerabilities but she accepts her, sympathizes with her and even seems to like her, poking at and teasing her to get more of those honest reactions out of Ai.
I literally just realized now as I was typing, but Kyun coming across Ai's "Lying Me" lyrics is a direct parallel to Nino finding Ai's blog draft. Both of them stumble across Ai pouring out her vulnerability into words but while Nino has to destroy it... Kyun accepts and uplifts it. In a lot of ways, Kyun is one of the people Ai has been looking for her whole life: a person who sees the real her and accepts it, regardless of how ugly and tarnished it is. It doesn't surprise me at all, then, that Ai went on to consider Kyun her closest and dearest friend in B-Komachi even years after that one fleeting conversation.
Both sidestories highlight something really important about Ai that I think is kind of slept on by a lot of surface level reads of her— I see a lot of people (as I've previously discussed) centering lies and lying when discussing her to such an extent that they treat it as though deception is in of itself her end goal while completely failing to think about what her motivations actually are.
What both 45510 and Viewpoint B really emphasize is that lying is, for Ai, just a means to an end, a survival tactic that was forced onto her that she doesn't know how to unlearn. Ai lies because she has lead a life that has caused her to believe she has to, because the 'real her' is so ugly and unacceptable that her only choice is to cover it up with pretty lies.
The real driving core of Ai's character is loneliness, desperation and hope. Over and over and over we see Ai trying to reach out to people, desperately trying to connect to them even in the face of repeated and absolute rejection. In 45510, she is heavily implied to have written the truth about Aqua and Ruby in the blog post that Nino deletes, all but putting her still-beating heart into the hands of girls she knows hate her but still choosing to take the chance on trusting them if her exposing her vulnerability will convince them of her sincerity.
Ai never loses hope. No matter how cruel the world is to her or how cruel each individual person is to her, Ai does everything she can to love and accept them, to make them feel supported, recognized and cared for even if it's only for a moment. In its own way, isn't that "love"?
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Literally to me Roman and Kendall are both right now jerking off to deepfakes of their dad in completely different ways. At least Shiv has Tom to take out her psychosexual grief madness on </3
This response barely makes sense w your ask but it sent me on a tangent bone apple teeth
It kind of encapsulates all of their relationships w him in a strange and fitting way. Kendall is still yearning for approval, hearing “you’re my number one boy” in his head over and over again, drawing it out in the sand for himself. Roman misses his father desperately in a way that I would say is quite hard to fully grasp for people who haven’t had abusive parents or been in abusive relationships. What his father has said to him all his life became this core part of his identity that he must have reaffirmed to feel loved. To him, love = degradation and humiliation. I have a harder time getting into Shiv’s head (which is definitely a part of her character) but to me it seems like she feels a slightly less complicated kind of grief for Logan. She misses him. She misses her daddy. What makes her situation complicated is her position. She must not show weakness, she must schedule her grief. She puts up this dam around her emotions, and in order to keep it free of leaks, she stays in this jokey, angry (but not to angry, boo emotions!), flirty zone with Tom because it’s easier to let him kiss her and bite her and fuck her. You can see how every time Tom displays any emotion in front of Shiv, she looks away and that dam starts to crack. She has to quickly counter it with a jab or a joke to steer it away from those pesky unscheduled feelings. Anyways these characters are crazy and like real people to me
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Borrowing Trouble
Bucky’s roommate Tony chooses the worst time to borrow his stuff; but maybe a little blowup will only make their friendship stronger.
Fandom: MCU/Marvel
Pairing: Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark
Rating: General
Word Count: 875 words.
This is a fill for my @starkbucksbingo O3 - "Shh... I'm sleeping." and @tonystarkbingo A4 - AU: College squares, along with today’s @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt [#FFF175 Gloomy Daze]
Still in a bit of a daze from the phone call he’d just gotten, Bucky stepped into his dorm room only to see a person-sized lump laying on the sofa: his roommate, Tony.
Bucky had never met anyone with such an irregular schedule. Tony would literally stay up all night working on a project, catch a quick cat nap, go to class, then snooze through the rest of the afternoon and evening -- usually missing dinner. He would wake up just as Bucky was getting ready for bed and more than likely start the whole cycle over.
Bucky felt a little bad for waking his roommate up, but he really needed someone to talk to at the moment. “Tony, I--”
“Shh - I’m sleeping,” Tony interrupted, pulling a blanket over his head. It was a quilt that belonged to Bucky and had been made by his grandmother. She was a kind, caring, funny woman who Bucky had many precious memories of... and had passed away just that morning.
“Give me that!” Bucky shouted, startling them both. But he couldn’t help it - his grief suddenly flaring into anger. He snatched the quilt away from Tony, only to see that his roommate was wearing one of his sweatshirts. “Goddamnit, Tony. Why are you such a mooch - I know you’ve got money, so go buy your own damn stuff for once!”
Tony’s eyes were wide with shock and fear. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” He struggled out of the hoodie, leaving it on the floor as he fled their room.
Bucky instantly regretted his outburst. He honestly didn’t mind Tony borrowing his stuff; in fact, a small part of him enjoyed seeing Tony in his clothes more than maybe he should. And Tony was the furthest thing from a mooch -- he’d gone out and bought a bigger fridge for their room when he saw Bucky didn’t have one and was always willing to chip in if someone came up short when the group went in on a pizza order.
Bucky sat down heavily on the couch, clutched the quilt to his chest and let the waves of emotion finally roll over him. His grandmother had been the only one in his extended family to support him when he came out, and he loved her even more for that.
She’d also always been the one he’d go to for no-nonsense advice. He could almost hear her voice now: “Now what did you go and do that for? Scared the poor boy half out of his wits, I bet. Better fix the mess you made.”
Bucky pulled himself back together and went downstairs to the dorm lobby, where Clint was watching cartoons. “Hey, have you seen Tony?”
Clint frowned. “Yeah - he just ran out of here like a bat out of hell. Didn’t even have a jacket, and it’s kinda nasty out there.”
“Shit.” Bucky ran back up to their room, grabbed the discarded hoodie and headed out to try to find his roommate.
A heavy layer of fog had descended on campus, and a cold rain was pelting down. Bucky got out his phone to send a couple of quick voice-to-text messages as he made his way toward the Engineering building, which was more or less Tony’s second home.
I’m really sorry I yelled at you
I was upset
I just found out my grandmother passed away
She made that quilt for me - but I was wrong to get so angry.
You’re a great roommate
You can borrow my stuff any time
Bucky spotted Tony; he was standing in the doorway to the building, his wet t-shirt clinging to him, with his phone in hand. He looked up and flinched just a little when he saw Bucky.
“Tony?” Bucky called out, stopping a few feet away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that.”
“I didn’t know about your grandmother,” Tony replied, his voice small and quiet.
“I only found out about five minutes before I got back to our room, myself. I guess I was kind of in shock, and I overreacted. Here.” Bucky held out the hoodie, which was already half-soaked. “You’re not a mooch. I don’t know why I said that.”
“I guess I could be better about asking, first.” Tony took the hoodie and draped it over his shoulders. “I just ... well... friends share stuff, right? And -- we’re friends, aren’t we?” The cautious, hopeful look Tony gave him made Bucky’s heart skip a beat.
“Yeah - of course we are.”
Tony’s expression brightened. “And it’s not my fault my stuff is too small for you to wear.”
“No, I suppose it isn’t,” Bucky replied with a grin. “You know, you do let me store stuff in your fridge. And I watch your TV, like, all the time. Maybe I’m the mooch, after all.”
“No, you’re not,” Tony answered decisively. “Hey, um - I know I’m not good at personal friendship stuff, but would a hug maybe make you feel a little better?”
“Yeah, I think it would.” Bucky’s heart warmed at the offer, but he couldn’t help laughing at the squishy sound their soaked shoes made as they stepped toward one another. “How about we head back and change into dry clothes first?”
#writing stuff#fanficlet#Flash Fiction Friday#mcu/marvel#WinterIron#College AU#platonic#shameless self promo
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Byeol’s Relationships: Hyung Line
ByeolChan
byeol’s soulmate
literally one of the only reasons byeol stayed in JYP
chan said that he had this dark image as a trainee bc of how long he’s been at the company but byeol never saw that
even if he tried to hide it, byeol always saw the way he got her to get food or how he quietly tried to get her out of trouble
she wanted to return the favor and thus a friendship formed that it would take a very very very big event to happen to break them apart
she knows that she can depend on him for anything and vice versa
byeol tries her best to relieve the burden of him as a leader whenever she can so he can relax
and also force the man to sleep bc sir you need to get off your laptop and sleep
she can, will, and has dragged him to bed and cuddle him so he won’t leave chan knows that he could remove her but he doesn’t want to so he yields
basically the parents of skz
if chan isn’t there to get the members focused, byeol is there to corral everyone
good comparison would be vice captain? like how in nct dream theres leader mark, captain jeno, and vice captain (?) renjun?
that but byeol and chan
MinByeol
Byeol’s dance teacher
Byeol is very slow when learning dance so she always asks Minho for help
said dance practices are 90% serious and 10% jokes bc someone says something stupid and they need to take a ten minute break to recover from laughter
he’s also very protective of her and making sure she’s eating by cooking her food
was actually the one who asked minho to join their group considering he was the last member who joined jyp
you don’t understand how much grief she went through when he got eliminated during the survival show
nor the relief when he got added back in the last episode
she didn’t say it out loud but byeol very much wanted to fight jyp in the moment even now but who doesnt really
the two of them are like really clingy so whenever they’re resting the two of them just gravitate towards each other
she just doesn’t want to leave him you guys 🥺
you know how some people say minho is the mom of skz? yeah byeol and minho are unintentionally fighting for that title amongst the fans
they just have a silly dynamic with each other considering how much banter they have
byeol has jokingly said she will take away minho’s cats and minho took that as a declaration of war /hj
they’re stupid but they’re stupid together yknow?
ChangByeol
same age friends!!!!!
they’re the only 99liners so they have to look out for each other yknow?
although he does make fun on byeol for being old even though she’s only five months older seo changbin
very protective of her
he always makes sure that she’s inside they’re little bubble surrounded by the members and staff whenever they go to airports or other schedules
gym buddies too!
whenever he goes to work out he tries to bring byeol along too for her to build muscle for her noodle arms
not for her to get built like him but enough to get toned yknow?
he also likes to run through lyrics with her whenever 3RACHA is producing new songs for the album
he always gets shy whenever he gets complimented with also a sense of pride
also another person she has to drag home bc music can wait i’ll fight you if you don’t go to bed
fans think the dynamic is funny bc at first glance they look like complete opposites
but then five minutes later byeol is smiling while changbin ends up doing aegyo for whatever reason
sometimes byeol wonders if changbin is really the same age as her or if he’s really just part of the maknae line
HyunByeol
you know how hyunjin and jisung said they used to fight? yeah byeol was the one who stopped them
he likes to think he’s her favorite of the 00liners and he’s right /hj
they take the time together and paint and have quiet time whenever they want to relax
they just have a sense of comfort for each other whenever they’re stressed
whenever hyunjin is feeling very overwhelmed or unconfident byeol always makes sure to stay by his side and cheer him up
she will literally square up to anyone who says bad things against him and no hyunjin you can’t stop me let me go-
she’s also very affectionate with him and loves clinging to him like she does with minho
there are a lot of clips of byeol looping her arm around hyunjin’s and leaning towards him
of course it doesn’t stop the teasing from him
as one of the taller, if not the tallest, he always clowns her for her height and pretends he can’t see her from his perspective
sometimes she threatens to hit his kneecaps, other times she sighs and accepts it
hyunjin likes to think of byeol as the sister he never knew he wanted
you know that look when people who are the only child find someone who they consider a sibling? yeah that
#9th member of stray kids#stray kids 9th member#stray kids female oc#stray kids female member#stray kids female addition#kpop female addition
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You know what? I think for the first time…honestly maybe in my entire life…I am happy. Like, genuinely happy, content, satisfied.
I am not where I want to be, but I know I am making tangible progress towards it. Mentally, physically, financially.
My therapy sessions lately have gone from this jumbled mess of chaos and anxiety and tears to validating my own choices and feelings. I noticed it three sessions ago and she said she noticed it as well. She said I started the session out kind of asking for permission/validation for recent choices and that I just kept backing my own self up. I have not had this kind of confidence in myself since 2012.
I see several career/financial paths I could do. I am really enjoying doing Rover and still am hoping I gain repeat clientele. In the future, I can get my own pet sitting insurance and cut out the middle man of Rover. It’s exciting to think of this possibility because it’s joining my passion of dogs (that I forgot I had?!) with my independent work style. I make my own schedule, no one’s telling me what to do (other than owner instructions of course) and I’m getting to work with the best pups! I’d really like to market a little more towards basic training as well and include it as an add on.
I have an upcoming husky client who is a jumper. He gets really excited, jumps and jumps, and open mouth “bites.” The owner said he’s trained him from a puppy, but jumping is a pretty frustrating habit for visitors. I let him know I could work on the jumping while I’m there and I’m excited about that. I know a handful of ways to decrease it and just saw another method that I think I’m going to try on this husky since he’s super treat motivated.
Rover is also getting me moving around a lot more. Social work tends to be a pretty sedentary job, but I’m constantly moving when I have high energy dogs. So, I’ve also been losing weight and I feel good. Im outside a lot more and I have the benefit of walking with a dog. How fun!
Im not quite at the point where this could be a long term thing, I need to get more clients and especially dog walking clients. Im mainly doing overnight sits.
Another path I see is joining my masters degree and love of dogs together. This would be a super far out goal, but I could specialize in pet therapy. This was one of my initial goals in college. My academic advisor even suggested that I do some type of therapy work around animals. There was a vet hospital that took on interns in their pet bereavement department, but it was masters level only. So, it was literally grief therapy for pet owners that combined pet therapy (which by the way is human therapy using pets. Not therapy for the pets haha. I get weird looks when I say this sometimes).
There’s still the career paths I’ve been pursuing, but I’d only Been pursuing them because I just don’t know what else I’d do. I do like social work case management, but it’s an even lousier path in Florida than it was up north. I do like the idea of therapy, but it seems so boring to sit in an office all day talking to people.
There have been many times in my life where I was focused on animals, but it seemed too silly of a career thought to ever pursue. I didn’t want to be a vet and I didn’t want to put more money into school to be a vet tech when I was so close to my BSW (but I really did almost leave social work to pursue being a vet tech! But then my school said I could graduate in two more semesters so I let the idea go)
I was a dog walker short term between graduation and my first social work job. I didn’t promote myself anywhere tho or put any stock in it. I was training the family dog at home and helping my friend with training her dog. I began thinking about becoming a trainer. I’ve applied so many times to petsmart/petco for the dog trainer position but ultimately never pursued it and would lean harder into the social work jobs.
I do still feel a little silly being so optimistic about the pet sitting stuff because it’s not a typical route, but im seeing so many people thrive with it now. So many small businesses for pet care. I think I could do that. I think I’d love doing it.
I think i burned out from social work years ago. Maybe from the whole field. I think that part of me is tired. Which is hard to admit. Despite my best self care efforts, I’ve carried the burdens of my clients for the last 10 years. I still think about my first clients from 2014, wonder how they are, if they’re okay, if they’re still alive. Ive spent too many nights crying about my clients because I didn’t have a magic wand to make life easier for them. I’ve given my entire heart to the social work jobs I’ve had and the clients I’ve worked with. I’m tired. Empathy is such a gift And I know it’s my biggest strength, but maybe, at least for now until my heart heals, I can Channel my empathy towards animals again.
We’re finally putting money into savings despite Rover being a huge pay cut. It won’t be sustainable job once we move out, so I have from now until then to make something of it. M is so supportive of this and its helped me to believe in myself again 💚
Some of my recent furry friends. Also M and I celebrated one year of marriage with a training walk with Mel and a night out on the town 🥰
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I was not Offered any Pre-Abortion Counseling
Aimee
Missouri, United States
I recently turned 50. I have had many years to do nothing but think about the abortion that took the life of my unborn child. I was 18 years old and got pregnant my senior year in higher school. He was my high school sweetheart and the first person I even had sex with. Within a month of my 18th birthday, I found out I was pregnant. Literally the first or second time we had sex. I was nervous. My parents are church goers. They did not want to be embarrassed with having an unmarried pregnant teenager.
Abortion for this child was not discussed. However, I moved in with my mother to hide from the people of the church. Although that didn’t phase me. My mother once did beg me to abort. But for this child I chose life. I had a baby girl in Oct 1990. She was mine and for while it was just her and I. I returned to my hometown and worked at a restaurant for awhile.
My daughter was two years old. I dated one of the cooks for a while. Being stupid I failed to use protection with him. He was verbally and physically abusive. I found myself pregnant in April 1993. I will be honest I wanted this problem to just go away. I had very little money. Had one child already. I was not married. I did not want to have another child by a different partner. I just ignored it for a few weeks. Then decided what needed to be done.
I scheduled an abortion in June 1993. I was taken to Planned Parenthood in Kansas City. The staff ushered me into an interview room. Asked a couple of questions. Given info on the vacuum type abortion. I was not offered any pre-abortion counseling. I was not made to wait to validate my decision. It was like pulling a tooth to them. I was sent to the procedure room alone. I was asked to get in the feet holders and spread my legs. I did not meet my abortionist until my legs were spread and my body was in position.
I asked the nurse if I was making the right decision. She told me it was, based on my history and having a child already and no money, it was the best thing I could do. I was encouraged and cheered on at the decision to have an abortion. I was sedated. I then begged to see the ultrasound so I could see my baby once. They refused. I cried and cried. I tried to close my legs, but they were spread against my will. They said I was fine and continued the vacuum tube was put in my vagina and the vacuum turned on. I said I wanted to run away and save the life of my baby. They ignored me, I was semi sedated. The procedure was over pretty fast. I was still bleeding when I was taken to a recovery room.
I was there a short period. I was sent away still bleeding, with a fever and a script for doxycycline. I had to have a D&C at the ER the next day. As there were parts left inside me. I did eventually recover physically. The magnitude of the guilt I felt never goes away. I was convinced I would never have any more children. I felt I was being punished by God. I always seemed to get pregnant easily. After my abortion I did not.
For many years I prevented pregnancy. Even after my first marriage I never got pregnant for 6 years. My abortion had affected my ability to get pregnant and damaged my female reproductive system. I did go on and have another child 17 years after having my only daughter and 14 years after my abortion. My two daughters are now 31 and 14.
I had to explain this to them both and explain why their sibling had to die. I have tried to make a case against Planned Parenthood for years. Over my forced abortion and sexual assault. But I have always been dismissed. I live with the depression, mental scars and grief over my missing baby. I wonder who he would have been. What he would have become. Had I been given more time and options. Had I been able to meet e doctor before my abortion. If I had been able to see my baby, I might have fought harder and had a different outcome
From the Silent No More website
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Okay Life As We Know It Javey AU here we GO:
Katherine and Sarah have been together for a few months. They conspire to get Sarah’s brother—who is sort of a recluse and doesn’t date much—and Katherine’s ex-turned-best friend—who is kind of a wildcard and needs to settle down—together on a date. They both think it’s a great idea because despite their different personalities and flaws, they’re both the best people Katherine and Sarah know, respectively.
The boys agree and naturally, the date is an absolute fucking disaster.
Jack is about 20 minutes late to pick up Davey, Davey can’t stop making snide remarks—whatever it is, they run each other the wrong way, much to the disappointment of Kath and Sarah.
“I hope I never have to see him again,” says Davey to Sarah and Jack to Katherine.
Sarah and Katherine are engaged within the year and Jack and Davey are their best men.
Flash forward through the years: Kath and Sarah’s engagement party, their wedding, and—holy shit Kath is pregnant??? They’re having a whole ass baby???—the baby’s first birthday party.
Jack and Davey keep it civil at all these events, as much as they can. For Katherine and Sarah’s and now the baby’s sake. But they still don’t get along.
Which is all fine and well because it’s not like they see each other that often. It’s not like they have to.
Until tragedy strikes and Katherine and Sarah leave behind a house and a one year old baby. In Jack and Davey’s name.
Surely, this must be some sort of mistake? Surely, there must have been at least one person they trusted more that Jack and Davey to raise their kid? Davey suggests Kath’s dad, but Jack knows they haven’t spoken since she quote unquote “married beneath her”. Jack asks about Esther and Mayer, but they’re still putting Les through high school and between Mayer’s dialysis—
So. It has to be them.
Amidst navigating their grief and the logistics of… everything, they agree that they shouldn’t move Kath and Sarah’s daughter. She should stay in the house, in a familiar environment. She’s lost enough. But it also means Jack and Davey have to move in.
The way Jack constantly rearranges Davey’s calendar drives him up the wall, and the way Davey is constantly micromanaging this kid’s life makes Jack pull a face but… they also see how much the other cares about her, so much love for what’s left of Davey’s sister, of Jack’s best friend, that it’s almost tangible and slowly but surely they learn to appreciate one another and all their quirks and flaws.
It’s a lot; managing a house, juggling appointments with the social worker, and not to mention raising a literal fucking child, but they make it work, surprisingly enough. In fact, they make it work really well. And one day, after Jack has rocked the baby to sleep and Davey has finished prepping her food for the next day, they sit on the couch and get to talking about just how well it’s working and have Davey’s eyes always been this captivating? Has Jack always been this sensitive and caring? And one thing leass to another and YOU GET THE GIST PEOPLE
But then Jack gets a job offer in Santa Fe. One he’s waited for all his life. So he’s got to decide whether to follow his lifelong dream or stay with Davey and raise their—Sarah and Kath’s baby. Well, Davey makes that choice for him. Of course Jack would even consider it. Davey’s managed most of his life alone, he can manage their… his—Kath and Sarah’s baby’s on his own, too.
Until Race talks some fucking sense into him and they’re loading up the car and “I don’t have a car seat! It’s in the garage!” “I’ll stay with her just GO YOU FUCKING IDIOT”
But Davey’s too late, the plane Jack was scheduled to be on has taken off and he returns home, sullen, but at least he has his daughter to come home to. Who is laughing, bright and delighted, in Jack’s lap when Davey walks through the door.
“I couldn’t just leave her. I couldn’t leave you. Us.”
And Davey runs into the arms of his happy little family
Aaaaand they live happily ever after because angsty endings?? In THIS economy?
#javid#Javey#newsies#I AM SCREAMING#SOMEONE WRITE THIS#all I do is pump out ideas I have neither the talent nor time nor motivation for#i need it yesterday
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Word vomit
I really wish I wasn’t struggling this hard. I wish it wasn’t so difficult to tell how I really feel.
Am I sad?
Am I grieving?
Am I feeling guilty?
Am I depressed?
Am I relieved?
Am I worrying that Im going to have to go through this again when my mother dies? But worse, because I DID have a relationship with her, from birth to 19 when I went “no contact” and as much as I would like to have it be different, she still hold power over some of my thoughts and reactions and feelings…even if it’s just me deciding to be the opposite of what she would be. It’s because of her that I go in that direction, and I struggle with the fact that she has power over even the smallest decision sometimes…even though I haven’t spoken to her in longer than I was exposed to her.
Am I going to need medication? If I do, will it be forever? Will it turn me into my mother? Who was on and off meds and as a result of this complicated relationship with her own mental health damaged mine to the point that Im now sitting here freaking out and on the edge of my fifth panic attack of the day because I don’t want to not take the medicine if it’s going to help…but what if it turns me into her? What if it helps and I think im better and I stop taking it and im not better and I start hurting my children’s mental health and I know that’s not going to happen because I’ll plan for it and put safeguards in place but I can’t stop being afraid that it will and im going to ruin my kids and they’re going to hate me and go no contact with me and the cycle will just repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat.
She left me such a horrible legacy and she’s not even dead yet.
Am I going to be okay? Logically I know that the answer to this is, “Yes”. Yes I will be okay because I give myself no choice but to work toward being okay. I want desperately to be okay. I want to be okay so badly that Im here trying to process grief for a man who caused me to feel unwanted and unloved. And even now I’m trying to give him grace because my very first thought after saying that he caused me to feel that way was to remind myself that he loved me the best way he knew how and that even though I feel like it was absolutely shitty, it was the best he was capable of.
And I know I need therapy. I need counseling. I need mental health help. I know it. But I’ve had to switch insurance providers and they haven’t sent me the new insurance information yet and literally none of the therapists in my city will schedule an appointment with me without my insurance information…so here I am just trying really hard to hold it together so I don’t crack under the pressure of all these fears and feelings and I spend so much time masking and hiding this from my family. They know I’m going through this, I’ve spoken with my husband about it, but I don’t think even he realizes how hard this is for me, because I’ve spent my entire life masking. I don’t know how to not mask. I don’t think I feel safe taking that mask off at all really. And isn’t my therapist going to have a field day with that one.
Im so scared. Im so terrified of therapy. Im so afraid that it almost makes me want to avoid it.
But Im also afraid of the way I feel right now…right this minute, getting worse. And im afraid I’ll get to the point of not wanting to be here anymore. And I don’t want that.
I can’t get to that point.
#about me#I feel better now#just having written all of this out#is that what journaling is?#I’ve always thought I was bad at it#but if this is what it is…maybe not
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i literally just got back from seeing wakanda forever (it’s taken forever for me and my sister to line up our schedules) and i really agree with all your points. one thing i also want to add is that i hated the the fact that the white fed guy (i forgot his name) was even part of the movie. i get it was a callback to the first movie, but he didn’t do anything to advance the plot or aid the wakandans. like yes he gave the lowkey of riri but that could have easily have been a cameo scene instead of giving him several scenes just to show that “hey all americans aren’t bad. see how evil namor is for wanting to kill people like this.” but yeah, i think the biggest thing i struggled with was like you said namor’s rightful anger and disgust towards colonization and the West was essentially equated to having a grudge that he needed to let go of, and it just didn’t make sense. when t’challa revealed wakanda to the rest of the world, he put his country at risk. namor was right like realistically the West is never going to stop coming for their resources. i enjoyed the movie don’t get me wrong, but that was always at the back of my mind. also a bit that i actually deeply enjoyed was the fact that it was kilmonger who met her in the ancestral realm rather than her mother or brother (which obviously couldn’t happen). mostly because i am into ATR and something that’s been taught to me is that a lot of times the ancestors who are watching over your the most/are most like you are those who you would never even imagine. and i feel like it was more holistic view of ancestor veneration as well because in the first film the ancestor realm was like this place of peace and a source of infinite wisdom. while that’s definitely part of it, like your ancestors were also humans once and can be chaotic as hell. idk i just really enjoyed shuri’s character journey. like feeling disconnected from spirituality because of her grief, her simultaneous awe of namor’s home and dismay of his vision, the rage after losing her mother, etc. like i really respected how we got to live in her headspace. i don’t think you said in your review but how did you feel about t’challa and nakia having a son together?
also a bit that i actually deeply enjoyed was the fact that it was kilmonger who met her in the ancestral realm rather than her mother or brother (which obviously couldn’t happen). mostly because i am into ATR and something that’s been taught to me is that a lot of times the ancestors who are watching over your the most/are most like you are those who you would never even imagine. and i feel like it was more holistic view of ancestor veneration as well because in the first film the ancestor realm was like this place of peace and a source of infinite wisdom. while that’s definitely part of it, like your ancestors were also humans once and can be chaotic as hell.
idk i just really enjoyed shuri’s character journey. like feeling disconnected from spirituality because of her grief, her simultaneous awe of namor’s home and dismay of his vision, the rage after losing her mother, etc. like i really respected how we got to live in her headspace.
Yes, definitely. They really aligned us with Shuri and I believe in an interview Ryan said that they chose Shuri to be the centre because Letitia was the person Chadwick liked to work with the most, she was the one who would get him to break character, they'd watch a scene and be like, that isn't T'Challa smiling, that's Chad and then I was reading Letitia's interview about when she found out he died and her response was chaotic because she kept calling his phone because she simply didn't believe it happened and Daniel Kaluuya had to be like, Letitia, stop calling, think of his family and then he drove over to where she was to comfort her so Shuri's journey definitely felt personal, definitely felt like a tribute in it of itself and from a narrative standpoint, the writing really makes us feel what she's feeling, the framing really makes us understand her.
I didn't really speak much about Shuri's character journey --- including seeing Killmonger in the ancestral plane --- before because I was preoccupied with how it was dovetailing into the plot of Talokan wanting to do a preemptive strike and my disagreement with how they were entwining the two ... it didn't diminish Shuri's character journey for me but it made me go, these are two different movies that, for me, aren't meshing well enough. So when she did see Killmonger, it was at a point in the movie where I felt like the character thread was on point but we were losing the plot thread because I was like it's a difference in ideologies, he wants to hit the West first and Shuri is just like no that's evil!, he wants to kill Riri, she says no that's evil! He explains that the West has a track record of colonizing countries for resources, she doesn't have a response to that. Namor explains that he's going to attack them if they don't agree and Shuri doesn't really say anything in response. Nakia rescues her and Riri from Talokan and one of the guards is killed, Namor makes good on his promise and attacks Wakanda, killing Ramonda and now Shuri has to become Queen and she sees Killmonger who tells her that he'd burn everything to the ground for vengeance and we're supposed to see her rage reflected but we're also supposed to hear Namor's rhetoric in Killmonger's (or vice versa) and then Shuri attacks Talokan out of vengeance and during her fight with Namor, she chooses peace/alliance over destruction.
From a character piece standpoint, that's great, from a plot standpoint, we've already covered that the two nations have commonalities and a shared history, sure when Namor talks about their shared history it's in relation to the atrocities of the West, when Shuri thinks about their similarities, she thinks of the beauty of both nations and that parallel is nice but the fundamental issue was never Talokan vs Wakanda, it was what are we going to do about the West? And if there's anything Everett's scenes showed (I agree he didn't need to be in the movie) it's that the U.S. fully intend to do what the French already attempted and what Namor said they were going to do so by this point in the movie --- and I was also irritated that Ramonda was killed off for Shuri to complete her emotional/spiritual journey which I did not think was necessary --- I was like the messages are being muddled here.
Like, to me, the movie worked best as an exploration of grief and trying to find yourself in that grief and in the absence of people you love.
But I absolutely agree with your point about ancestral connections.
i don’t think you said in your review but how did you feel about t’challa and nakia having a son together?
To be honest, Nakia and T'Challa having a son didn't really do much for me, I didn't dislike it but I wasn't moved by it and I think it's because them having a son in the movie universe is significant in that T'Challa's legacy will live on and then there is the thematic coupling of life/death and this sense of continuation, but I didn't go to the movie caring about T'Challa's legacy as like an MCU character, I went in caring about Chadwick's legacy as T'Challa and the movie and the actors did a fantastic job honouring Chadwick's legacy, but the son part felt more like something for the franchise, which is cool, but it didn't leave an impression on me.
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A Deadbeat's Journal 4
A Jotaro kujo x blackfemreader fic
February 14 20XX,
I was right in at least one thing , the video of me beating the dog up went somewhat viral on twitter . Heck I saw someone make an eyes of heaven edit and honestly I found it kind of impressive despite Jotaro seemingly convinced otherwise . My mom called demanding an explanation on why the church aunties are laughing at a video of her girl punching down a complete stranger and the ever judicious Jotaro, who I remain under his most merciful watch, decided to rat me out . I could have beaten him up but I know my punches will be all for naught.
Mom welled up, crying bucketloads of tears, I could hear her blowing away the snort as she tried to compose herself whilst lamenting on why I was making progress so difficult for myself. What does she even mean by that? I’m perfectly fine by the way. I had told her from the beginning that she is just getting conned by the therapist . Okay so I go through occasional fits of anger but that's just normal especially when nothing is going your way . They make it seem like I’ve gone mad . What’s next , they’ll ship me to rehab? I’ll hang myself before the thought even crosses their mind.
After the everlasting phone call filled with grief stricken tears on my mom’s end of the line and pure bemusement on mine , the phone call ended. Jotaro called me out for lunch, the first time he had initiated conversation with me so I was under the impression that him preparing lunch is his peace treaty in this ongoing cold war , but I am not Gorbachev and he was going to do a bit more than make viet pho as a sort of appeasement .
As he set the table and gave me my bowl , chopsticks and spoon, I simply said thanks and began eating .
“You shouldn’t be ignoring me ,your mom informed me that I should tell her when your aggressive fits happen.” he said morsley.
“I told you to stop calling them fits , I can admit I was childish for fighting her but this had grounds for justification.” I exclaimed.
“Don’t use that tone on me . Moreover , no it wasn’t . She wasn’t anyone we knew and you would have never met her again after that . But no, you had to turn it into a spectacle because how dare she insult you as though she is not beneath you .” he responded whilst holding a mockingly haughty tone .
“She called me a ‘black bitch’ , she’s lucky she got off with no broken teeth. Besides that , why are you so adamant on this ? Do you really think I enjoy literally being babysat by a man one year my senior? Or is what she said your honest opinion on me ?” I questioned in a seemingly lower timbre than my usual tone.
To be honest, I was gaslighting him a smidge , I know what I did was wrong but to be honest , I’m not guilty in the slightest . I feel a bit sad that Jotaro had to drag me out before I pulverised her face but really I’m not holding enough guilt to even think of being remorseful.
“Don’t play games , this has never worked on me and you know it . Anyways because of your sudden fiasco , I scheduled an appointment tomorrow with your therapist and a doctor appointment for me cause I need more than panadol to argue with you on the regular” He declared and based on the tone there was no room for negotiation . This felt like the Versailles treaty .
“Very funny.” I jabbed back cause all I have as an offensive is spewing negative retorts.
He left me to go sulk in my bedroom , instead finding comfort from his new bestie Samosa . When I decided I had enough alone time , I went to the sitting room to find Samosa eagerly running around the coffee table as she played with a small, colourful , plastic ball whilst Jotaro read one of his sea books.
I sat on the other end of the cream coloured couch that directly faced the screen and logged to the netflix account . As I perused the catalogues and found a nice Korean thriller to watch , Jotaro said ;
“Don’t keep that one . It may scare Samosa, keep a cute anime instead.”he gruffly said , scrunching his face in displeasure at my choice.
“The brat can barely see , I won't stop watching thrillers cause she’s here . Unless you are the one who’s scared and are using her as a coverup.” I jabbed slyly.
“Just keep that new anime that was released the other day , you can watch ‘Strangers from Hell’ when she’s not around.”he calmly replied as he went back to his book
Samosa is proving to be a nuisance at this point because why on earth am I suddenly needing to question what I watch. But as I looked at her adorable face whilst she played with a squishy fish teddy twice her size , my anger subsided.
We all watched Bee and PuppyCat instead , Samosa greatly intrigued at puppycat’s overall appearance and Jotaro showed occasional interest as he kept looking up from his book whenever an interesting scenario popped up. It was a chill day and by 7pm , Samosa was napping on my lap as Jotaro head to bed not without reminding me;
“Don’t forget , Tomorrow , 10am , the therapist. I’ll drop you off just in case you conveniently forget to go there.”
“I’m not that childish,” Yes I am.
Jotaro opted to provide me with one of his more withering glances of doubt . Honestly I may be quite a nuisance as I’ve made the stoic cast the most diverse facial expressions ever since I moved in comparison to how I’ve seen him in the last four years we were acquainted .
February 15 20XX,
Ms Khadija is a woman with exceedingly high extroversion as being amidst her would leave you completely mind spun and frazzled. Honestly, how she decided on this profession is a wonder as her loud boisterous self doesn’t leave you even the comfort of deep contemplation . It’s as though every sentence that she makes is voiced from deep within her lungs . Her breath control must be at Beyonce levels . She greeted me and Jotaro enthusiastically whilst escorting us to her minimalistic modern - furnished room . Jotaro informed her that he was just dropping me off and informed me to get an uber when heading home before leaving . Now left alone to sit at the surprisingly comfy white leather chair that was across her glass table that only held her laptop as she sat on a similarly fashioned chair across from me, I began to dread the next hour.
She’s slimmer and taller than me though if she removed the two inch heels our height difference would not be as noticeable. Her walnut toned skin shone in juxtaposition to the cream coloured walls and her navy blue power suit and hijab ensemble complimented the natural makeup she adorned alongside simple gold neck and hand jewellery. She looked as though she was ready for a TIMES photoshoot and of course I gave her a compliment which she graciously took.
“Now we both know why you are here earlier than the scheduled date ,” she spoke whilst sparing me an amused smirk.
“No , not really considering all I did was a natural human reaction .” I replied with a slight frown.
“Y/n , a majority of humans have the self restraint to not allow instinctual urges to take over whereas you abandon all thought and just jump to the crossfire just because you took offence .If this was a stand alone case then you’d never be in my office to begin with.” She said , ending the statement in a more saddened tone.
I could tell that she was serious about this , we weren’t doing the usual mind games we play nor was she speaking in her usual tone - deafening pitch .
“You aren’t relapsing considering the fact that you aren’t adamantly arguing with me over this situation . It shows progress, that you are coming to the understanding that the consequences of your actions are not only yours to bear but also the loved ones around you.” She commented in a slightly more upbeat tone .
“But I still don't understand how I am narcissistic to the point of it being considered a personality disorder . I was raised like this , mom said it’s completely fine to always strive to be the best . Isn't that a universal thing , to reach the skies and shoot for the stars?” I questioned .
To be fair I still am in shock that I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it's the whole reason why I journal as often as I can. Hence the reason I willingly went to these sessions , I thought I could prove mom and Ms Khadija wrong by showing them that I’m not mental just having a hard time with my temper tantrums.
Ms Khadija had explained that my extreme fears of failure made me violent , hence why the Shawarma Shenanigans happened . According to her , I was desperate to put her in her place , beneath me , and coupled with my uneasiness , this enabled me to get so mad that I forgot how I ended up tackling her to the ground.
The explanation seemed valid and for the first time since these sessions began, I didn't have a counter argument as defence nor did I feel the need to make one . It was comforting to understand my turbulence . The meds must be in full effect .
We spend an hour talking further over past instances and how best I can be able to overcome the blinding rage I get when overcome with an intense need to prove myself , she closed off with a statement that made me even more comforted ;
“Your brain is wired similarly to your ancestors ,both recent and past ,who had to fight to survive in the social standings they were in , and even though the 21st century leads to more metaphoric social fights , it’s now okay to not be always on alert. Trust me when we are done , you’d be much more comfortable with yourself as your ego will no longer be dependent on others .”
I prepared rice and minced meat for dinner . Jotaro really liked it.
prev masterlist next
I hate spaghetti , so rice and minced meat it is.
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~ Witchy UPDATE ~
I dont even.
So literally, the last journal was super sad and depressed.
And I apologize.
--
I have really been struggling with my Grandma being gone. The last few months havent been easy for me. Today marks 5 Months since she was taken from me, and not a day goes by that I dont think about her.
Shes made it apparent, and shown me that she's with me, more than once in dreams.
And today, on the 5 Month anniversary, I am making the decision to move forward. I cant stay this way. I'm afraid with this depression and stress and sadness I am feeling I'm going to give myself a heart attack. I dont want to end up like my Dad.
I have to do this for myself, for my mental health.
I'm not forgetting what happened, or leaving my Grandma behind, I am doing what she would want me to do, and live my life. To keep going without her. She would want me to be happy, and living my best life, not sad and losing myself in grief.
So thats what I'm going to do. I'm going to force myself to get out of this depression, grief and sadness. I miss her immensely. I feel like there is a hole in my life. The circle of people I trust is very small, and I lost a part of that circle.
But I cannot keep living the way I am living.
--
The positives to come out of this?
I found Witchcraft, and I'm finding myself through it. I have been on an incredible witchy journey, and I love every moment of the time I spend working on my craft. Its wonderful. Its been a dream come true and its been something I have loved experimenting with spells and learning divination, and using the gifts I already had for positivity.
I have reconnected with my spirit guide, from childhood, have found answers to questions that I knew she would give me.
--
Today, I rediscovered the Therian side of me. After a lot of soul searching and a conversation with my spirit guide, she told me what I knew already, that I am a Therian, have always been a therian since I was young.
I walked away from it, when things got very stressful, and upsetting and I was dealing with a lot, and thought it wasnt me. But I was in reality denying its existence, in denial. Its always been there, waiting for me to remember who I was. My spirit guide supports me, and let me know that I have always been a Therian.
My wolf side has returned, in my clarity and it feels amazing! ~
--
So yeah, the Wolfy Witchy is here :D
It feels amazing to reawaken this part of myself as well as discover my witchy side. Its been such an amazing and wonderful ride, and I just feel blessed that I have such an amazing support team behind me.
--
I'm on a journey of self-discovery and I feel like its going really well, even if I was stuck in a cycle of depression and grief. I'm slowly coming out of it and realizing that I have to HAVE to keep living my life.
--
I'm feeling really good mentally today, and I just wanted to get everything I was feeling out in a journal.
I'm feeling clearer in the mind as well, and just seeing everything better now. I dont know what changed, but something in me has shifted and I am moving --- > forward.
--
I'm in a pretty positive place, and no one can steal that from me. I need to get back to my life, to myself, to my craft, and my journey. I've been stuck here for so long its time for me to move for myself.
The ultimate gift of self-care.
----
I will be posting tarot draws again when I get the time, been doing some, need to get through the ones I have already done, they are coming.
I started a new job and the schedule is pretty hectic. I'm still trying to get used to working long hours again and my body is just like meh. lol. But I'm excited and loving my new job as well. <3
---
I feel good, I feel powerful, and I feel like once more I am stepping into my power. I feel like I am seeing life for what it is, and the things I am doing now to move forward is me practicing the most beautiful self-care. It feels wonderful. <3
---
So I will see you guys soon! Probably with Tarot Draws :D xD
#hedge witch#witch#witchcraft#therian#wolf#white wolf#spirit guide#positivity#depression#healing#self-discovery#journey#spells#tarot#divination#finding myself#grief
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