big fan of the hc that chuuya drives like a lunatic but only when it comes to his bike. put him in a car and hes only gonna, mildly, break the speed limit, however you will die if you get on his motorcycle

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

Who do you think is a better driver: you or Crowley? Because it does rather seem like he relies on a fair amount of miracles when he's driving.

Well when I drive I follow the rules of the road.

I go the speed limit. Sometimes, just slightly less than. I like to keep an eye out for pedestrians and cyclists, motor or otherwise. Not enough people watch out for motorcyclists!

Not that I drive regularly or much at all. Crowley does enjoy the act of driving me places.

In short: I am the better driver. But because it's a rare occurrence to see me behind the wheel these days, if ever, Crowley will still be driving us everywhere.

I trust him, though. Enough to drive us somewhat safely...

spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍

doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...

i'm going to complain for two seconds here, because people on twitch are pissing me off. I get people are fans of other games. I am too! Even if I can only play a few, I watch full gameplay of many games. that being said- I do not think it's fair to say that it's an unfortunate thing for it to be likely that bg3 will sweep the awards tomorrow. you're gonna tell me it honestly doesn't deserve to win most of the categories it's been nominated for? have you actually sat down and watched gameplay?? because the suggestion that it shouldn't win goty, or awards for narrative, direction, score, art, or performance is beyond ridiculous to me. pull your head out of nintendo's ass for just a moment and I think you will see that sometimes other games win because they are simply BETTER.

failed my driving test twice, no actual friends in college, applied to a cool thing and was rejected, no bitches...thank god i'm seeing goodfellas in theaters in a few days because what do i have going for me rn

bro ur joking

The amount of driver’s ed I’ve done for someone who doesn’t have their license is actually ridiculous

I LOVE YOU TOO <3333 idk much about evillious chronicles other than the first videos but i will join you with the love someday!!!

HWGHSGWUW <33 AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR THE TAG!!! I WOULDVE NEVER KNOWN ABOUT THE ANNOUNCEMENT IF YOU HADN'T TAGGED ME 😭 im so excited!! I wanna see what they'll look like,,, and yes,,, someday,,,,,, you will succumb to the most Popular and Expansive Christian Vocaloid Fanfiction Series ever,,,,,,,,,, it is inevitable......

I'm actually really glad that post is getting a lot of positive attention, bc I really needed that mood boost 😭

Walked into work to find I had EIGHT NEW ITEMS that dropped all at once (did they REALLY have to put everything on one truck??? 😭) AND I couldn't even work on them bc we had to do an audit

The audit wasn't hard, but I WAS irritated during it bc NewLady didn't ONCE ask if we needed help, or even what we were doing (if you see me not in the kids section it gets questioned. Like the last time I had to do hardlines and my delivery friend was like ???) But yknow we weren't in HER area so it didn't involve her apparently

But I guess they're going to do her area overnight (thank god) and I think she's coming in to do it. Whatever as long as I don't need to do it bc i was dreaaaading even talking to her let alone have to "mess up" her area during the audit

Anyway all that left me in a super cranky ass mood and I'm ngl I'm kinda anxious ab the new items bc where the fuck am I supposed to put them?? (I mean I have the SPACE but I don't have enough to keep brands together and put out everything thats new. Like ALL the spring Sharter's are in now 😭 why all at once... whyyyy) so seeing other people's crabs and seeing mine getting love really was a welcome sight 😭💕

Thinking about how in the USA (and other largely car-dependent places) it’s such a thing in the culture for teenagers to “have their first real taste of independence” when they get a license. I don’t know how to articulate this well but ... I feel like traveling, like literally just HAVING THE ABILITY to go somewhere, is so fundamental to humans in so many ways. Like developmentally, emotionally, physically, socially, it’s important to simply even just have the option. I just really fucking hate that without access to a car, you’re nearly entirely stationary unless someone else forces or permits you to exist somewhere else. It’s extremely ironic to me that cars are touted to youth as the great marker of independence and individualism. To me, there’s nothing more independent or individualist than not being FORCED TO RELY on someone or something else to simply move from one place to another. At a young age where are certainly old enough to be in public by yourself, you do not become independent by having your license and driving -- you are only shifting your dependencies.

i wish i were rich bc becoming a falconer would be so cool

my most self indulgent hc that is closest to my heart and haven't talked about in years is vespa ilkay filipino (her eyes have a rage you only see in 3rd world med students)

fuck this shit i'm NOT working this summer