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youraverageaemondsimp · 7 months

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“My darling.” // CelticSlave!Aemond Targaryen x VestalVirgin!Reader

THIS FIC CONTAINS DARK CONTENT, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT.

MDNI.

block the tag #MAE:DARK!CONTENT to avoid seeing dark content from me.

Summary: Fetching water a little later than usual shouldn't really affect much of your life right? You're wrong, and you wouldn't find out until you found a celtic slave in a bad condition named Aemond.

WARNINGS: extreme noncon to dubcon, unprotected p in v sex, blood kink, degradation, breeding kink, violence, blood, murder, slight angst, stockholm syndrome(?), reader basically falls in love with Aemond even though he nonconned her, manipulation. not exactly historically accurate, this is just fiction so do not take it heart, hoping it isn't offensive, + not proofread // requested by @slytherincursebreaker !!

WC: 3.5k

You were an illegitimate daughter of a politician in your country, taken away from your mother to keep the scandal underground, you never had an easy life and your father only did the bare minimum, and to say your step mother and half siblings did not like you at all, they saw you as a pest more than anything, when the pontifex maximus was choosing vestal virgins to serve the goddess vesta, he had eyes for your family, specifically your sister but she did not want to go, and so they sent you instead, seizing the opportunity to get rid of you.

It did not mean you were fully free from their clutches however, as you grew in the monastery you were always slightly discriminated against but the other 5 priestess, having heard the rumours about your bastardised birth. But you still managed to get by, you remember how earlier this morning your half sister came to visit you, telling you that she is to be married soon, she came to rub it in your face because you were sworn to celibacy, and you could not engage in activities like such. She even bought her suitor along, who you swore looked at you with such lust, and you felt very creeped out.

This is why you deliberately didn't go and fetch water from the spring earlier today, he often came to visit the temple and watched you perform your duties to the goddess vesta.

Choosing to fetch water at such a late time shouldn't have any repercussions right? I mean, you did not do it earlier because you had a reason not to, not wanting to entertain the eyes of your half sister's suitor, so you're doing it now.

Wrong.

You didn't realise the threat back then, when you found Aemond being beaten up by a bunch of other men, kindness was something that came to you naturally, seeing him in such a state made your heart wrench, you shooed off the other men, reprimanding them for their behaviour and used your status as a vestal virgin to scare them off before looking down at the man who was covered in mud, and seemed to bleeding.

He had silver blonde hair, with only one eye as the other socket seemed empty, you wondered what had happened to him.

“Are you alright?” you ask and you he groans, turning over unto his back, you should leave, you shouldn't help him, but here you are picking him up, leaning his body weight against you and bringing him through one of the secret tunnels in underneath the infrastructure of the building, it was connected directly to another country, was made to use it in order to escape from war or to invade other lands, none of the common folk knew about this, and the people who knew didn't come here often either, as there was no such need for it anymore.

You sit him down in one of the 'rooms' which is just a big spacious squared tunnel, he plops down unto the ground weak and tired, breathing heavily, you quickly went back outside and fetched the water you forgot about and gave some of it for him to drink, you watched as he whimpered, swallowing in pain before he finally looked at you.

“T-thank you.” his voice was so weak, he was barely able to get any words out.

You gave him a gentle smile, and you realised that it was probably late, you had many questions for him but you kept it to yourself for now because you didn't want to bother him anymore, so left back to the temple where you resided.

“Why are you up so late?” you heard the head vestal ask, raising an eyebrow as she took in your appearance, mud covering your prestigious clothing, “I went to fetch the water head priestess, but I fell down on the way back.” you lie looking down, hoping she believes it, and to your surprise, she does believe it, she tells you to go to your quarters after putting the water down, so you do just that.

You visit the badly hurt person from yesterday once again, you knew you were not supposed to have any type of contact with a man, to remain pure as they will taint you, but you really could care less when its about helping others, you found him lying on the ground, likely sleeping, but your footsteps woke him up and he looked at you curiously, you gave him a small smile before giving him the bread you managed to sneak out without anyone noticing, along with water, you gave it to them and sat down, he reluctantly ate it before drinking the water. “Why are you doing this?” he asked you and you shrugged, “Is it so wrong to help a fellow human out?” you question back and he goes quiet, “You i never really got your name, or how you ended up in that situation.” you tilt your head as you watch him purse his lips.

“I am a celtic sex slave.”

You froze, he was a slave.

“My mistress threw me out, and I ended up on the streets without any shelter, and those men just wanted someone to mess with.” he sighs, swallowing the bread. You felt pity for him.

“Till you found me of course, I am extremely indebted to you my lady.” he says and you shake your head no, “I’m no lady, I am a vestal virgin that title is not of my belonging.” You said, and he tilted his head, not understanding what you had meant, he nodded but then his eyes widened “This is such an honour to be in the presence of such a being, sorry you must see me in this state, and… You had to touch me as well.” he apologises and you look down, you shake your head and tell him that it's okay and you did not mind.

You and Aemond had grown closer, he would tell you about his life before he became a sex slave, how he was treated, how you felt extremely bad, how your people treated the Celtics. And so you shared your problems in return as well, he provided you comfort which you lacked all of your life, for the first time you felt wanted, and you could not ignore the feeling that was starting to bloom inside you.

But you pushed it down, you are a celibate, you should not be feeling such things.

Aemond had taken a liking to you, you had a pretty soul as well as a pretty face, the way you looked in your white clothing, and whenever you would fix your scarf over the head afraid that your hair or skin would show made him more curious to see what is underneath the thick robes of clothing even more. He knows damn well that he isn't the first man to ever lust for a vestal virgin, there were many depraved others.

After Aemond recovered, you had showed him around the tunnels and dungeons, various routes that if something happens he can use them to escape, and you also showed the route which led to his country, and he noted it, telling you that he can use this to go back to his own people again and you gave him a small smile.

Though the thought of him leaving makes your heart wrench.

“Aemond, I have to go and attend to my duties now, I will meet you later okay?” you say quickly before leaving.

Though the later never came.

“She was caught sneaking around with a slave apparently, she kept him hidden, surely she committed adultery as well.” you heard the voice of the chief priestess tell the priest.

“That is utmost dishonourable, as a vestal virgin you are sworn to celibacy, how can you do this?!” He yells at you and you flinch, tears streaming down your face.

“I promise! I promise on the flame of vesta that nothing happened between us! I was just helping him out.” you plead on your knees.

“How can I believe you? That you are not ruined? You were helping a sex slave out? you want me to believe that?” he questions and you shake your head.

“Order her death by live burial, she will be buried underground with no food or water.” he commands, tone final.

You watched as one of the virgins who snitched on you, she smiled cruelly and your face turned into a scowl. She was the one who wasn't a virgin, yet you kept her secret knowing what would happen if others found out, but the moment she discovered something about you? She had gone straight to the chief priestess and told her, even fed her lies.

“No! No! Please listen to me! Nothing happened between us! You can check for my virginity if you want! Please.” you cried, at the priest and he simply dismissed you.

You were grabbed by his guards and were being led to your doom, dragged out of the temple forcefully and then the trial was processing when you heard a commotion, accompanied by panicked screams.

“There has been a rebellion! The celtics have rebelled against us!” You hear someone yell, and everyone panics, the guards that were holding you quickly let go before rushing off to fight, you run after them and go to the temple as well, eyes widening in horror as you saw the blood and how few of priestesses were being violated brutally by the rebels, their clothes were being torn by the celtic soldiers and you were spotted by two men who came over to you, grabbing you by your hands and shoving you onto the ground.

“This one's pretty, let me have her cunt first.” you screamed at them to let go and they fought against them, kicking one of them in the shins cause the man to stumble and fall, “This bitch–”

“Stop.”

They both immediately froze up and turned around, and you froze as well, recognizing the voice. “This one is mine, unless you want your heads fucking cut off, fuck off.” he spits harshly at them, and they bow their head before scurrying off and you furrow your eyebrows, Aemond looks at you with a smirk, the empty eye socket from before now held a blue sapphire in its place snuggly.

“This would not have been possible without you, I shall spare you for this.” he begins, pulling you up on your legs by the hair.

“W-why are you doing this?!” you asked in fear and Aemond shrugged before explaining, “For the benefit of my people of course, you Romans have treated us as nothing but barbarians, however I do not blame you for that, you are a kind soul.”

“I threw my life away for this, let myself get touched by filthy hands for this moment, and finally, it was all worth it in the end.” he chuckles cruelly, and you scrunch your face in a scowl, “The emperor—” you begun but you are quickly cut off by him yanking your hair and making you face where a body was laying, head detached from the body, he tuts, “This one?” he pulls out a head and shoves it right up into your face and you push it away, screaming, he lets gos of the head and it falls to the ground rolling away.

“He was nothing but a coward, running off in the secret tunnels, letting his people die, unworthy of ruling over the people, so instead, I became the new emperor.” he clarifies.

“If you are going to kill me, just do it already.” you spit, and he looks surprised at this.

“Doll, if I wanted to kill you, I would have done it long ago, besides I said that I would already spare you, since you were a kind soul, and once again, without you, I would not be here.” he smiles cruelly and you feel your stomach twist.

His grip on your hair leaves before it's attached to your forearm, hand gripping the skin cruelly as he drags you somewhere, and you noticed that it was the head priestess room, the nearest one in the temple. You quickly realised what he wanted to do, so you started struggling, annoyed by this, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, before carrying and entering the room inside, securing the curtain shut before he threw you on the bed.

You try to get up and run away but he pushes you on the bed, gets on top of you, and yanks your clothes away, tearing at your robes harshly, revealing your body to him, you quickly hide yourself but he pins your hands to your side and takes in your body, he groans at the sight of your chest heaving up and down, you wriggle underneath him, trying to kick him off but he captures your legs and pushes them apart before planting himself in between them.

“No! Please! No!” you cry out but he shuts you up with one of his hands, the other one quickly undoes his breeches, revealing his hard cock, he gives himself a few pumps and lines it up against your entrance. His tip prods at your entrance, he doesn't wait a second before shoving his cock inside of you, ripping your walls apart, making you scream in pain as you struggled beneath him, he watches as your blood leaks onto his cock, and his smiles at that before he looks at you, watching tears stream down your face as he takes what he wants, he immediately sets his pace at a brutal one, ramming his cock in and out of you.

Each movement was painful for you, your cries and screams muffled by his hand, your body jolting up the bed as he brutally thrusts inside, traumatising your walls, the free hand grips your breasts cruelly before he pinches your nipple harshly, causing you to arch your back, and whine loudly.

Using the least amount of strength you have you push him heavily off, and to your luck it works cause he is caught off guard making him fall next to you, and before you could get up and run, he grabs your waist and pushes you back onto the bed again, getting on top of you and choking your neck with both his hands.

“I was going to spare you, but it seems you do not want that, take it or fucking die.” he spits on your face and you wince, crying out once again as he enters inside you.

Your body betrays you, you know it when it suddenly starts to feel good, his tip hitting a certain spot inside of you, and soon you're moaning as well, unable to process this foreign sensation. “Yeah, that's more like it, my brave girl.” he coos and bends down to kiss your neck and you whimper when he bites down at your sensitive area.

You grab onto his shoulders for support, and he hums in satisfaction, one of his hands travel down to your clit before rubbing fast circles it, and you felt your stomach tighten at that, before something snapped and you were moaning extremely loudly, nails digging into his skin as the pleasure hit you like a huge wave.

You cried out his name, and he hushed you and continued to thrust inside of you, grunting, you felt his thrusts become more sloppy before he halted, pushing himself into you as far as he could go, and moaned as his seed spurted out of him, he slowly rode it out, painting more of your walls white.

“I want to see you pregnant.” his hand rests on the lower part of your abdomen, as he caresses it gently with his thumb, before pulling out and leaning down to pepper kisses on the area, as if a kiss will ensure your pregnancy.

His hands fondle with your boobs, thumbs flicking the nipples as he massages the flesh, “they will be filled with milk..” he says in a daze.

You saw him getting hard again and your eyes widened, before you could get up on your elbows, he pushed you down once again again, holding your legs apart and pushing them up, making the knees bend, touching your chest.

He lines his cock before shoving it brutally inside again, he trapped you in a mating press while he thrusted above, your walls drummed with pain at the overstimulation, you were whimpering.

“Fucking it take it you slut, look at how your expression matches that of a whore.” he degrades you, hips snapping at each words, you felt a sting in your heart at his mean behavior.

“This is what you were made for, to be a fucking whore that men can use, not a vestal virgin, having this much of a perfect cunt and wasting it is unbelievable.” he groans and you feel tears start to fall down at his insults.

He pulled back and groaned at the sight of how there was still blood covered on his cock, your blood which coated him so perfectly, and he felt him nearing his edge, his hand gripped your cheeks before forcing your mouth open and then he spit into it, “Swallow, you whore.” he commands and you obey scared.

“Fuck, you're my whore aren't you? my pretty little whore who will let me fuck my children into.” he moans. “I can't wait to make you mine, my empress who will rule along with me, give me children, my darling- oh fuck—”

You felt the familiar feeling of heat arise in your stomach again, as he hits the same spot again and again, and soon enough, you're once again reaching your peak, arching your back at the intensity, he then finishes inside of you again.

That night was a nightmare, he took you multiple times, he made you take him in your mouth, and he did the same, lapping at your cunt for hours on end as he relished in your taste.

You remember passing out, unable to take anymore as exhaustion weighed upon you.

You woke up groaning, you slept like a baby, that's until you moved a little bit and your body aches like hell itself, and you get up, stretching to relieve the pain, you looked over to your side and spotted Aemond fast asleep, completely bare and then you remembered the events of the night prior.

You saw the sheets which were now covered in your blood, your virgin blood, and you were pure no more. You felt doom settle in your core but you felt relieved in a weird sense of way.

Suddenly there was a commotion outside, you gathered whatever was left of your robes before covering yourself with it, hiding your intimate parts and exiting the room.

You gasped as the scent of blood hit your nostrils, and almost threw up, but then what caught your eye made you surprised, you noticed how the head priestess, and all the people who have wronged you in the middle, tied up as the guards lazily kept them in check.

When they spotted you, they screamed insults at you and you winced, anger coursing through your veins at such an intense rate.

“My empress, look at them, look at the people who wronged you.” you heard Aemond whisper in your ear from behind you, and you got startled, you turned to look at him and you watched as he was almost naked except the sheets which were loosely held together by him on his lower body, hiding his intimate part, the same sheets which were covered in your blood.

“Look at them, see how they are still blaming you? What do you want to do huh? Does it not make you mad?” he asks and you turn your attention back to them again, it frankly does make you mad. “I would never treat you like that, I love you. My queen.”

“What do you want, my little empress?” he asks and you make up your mind.

You collect the water in a small dish and Aemond watches you in confusion, but then you make your way towards the flame of vesta, and pour water over it, putting it out and the head priestess' eyes widen in horror.

“Kill them all.” your voice was more clear than ever.

“Spare the head priestess, and that one, for they shall be buried alive.” you say coldly before you walk back to Aemond, who welcomes you in his arms.

“You heard your queen, do as she commands.” he orders his men before he escorts you away from the scene and into the room once again.

He pushes you on the bed and crawls atop of you, “I wasn't joking when I said I want you pregnant, doll.” he coos and you gulp.

“Impregnate me, my king, I want to carry your heirs.”

And that was enough to make Aemond go insane, before he took you once again.

And soon, you fell pregnant.

Giving birth to a girl, who Aemond adored.

Life seemed to be well and perfect.

Maybe you don't really regret this at all.

———

GENERAL TAGLIST ;

@watercolorskyy @cl-0-vr @chompchompluke @namelesslosers @snowystark @spookyaemond @sweethoneyblossom1 @this-isnt-madness @persephonerinyes @eltherevir @sidni3003 @aleidag1rly @cryingforlife @fan-goddess @hannaeditzs @grungegrrrl @thekinslayersswordhand @aemondsbabygirl

Bold is who I cannot tag, DM to be removed!

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen smut #aemond x reader #aemond smut #aemond x reader smut #aemond targaryen x reader smut #MAE:DARK!CONTENT #aemond targaryen #aemond x fem!reader #aemond x you #dark!aemond x reader #dark!aemond targaryen x reader #dark!aemond targaryen #dark!fic #tw: noncon #tw: dubcon #house of the dragon smut #aemond fanfiction

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miiyochi · 10 months

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୨୧ # LIVING WITH SOLOMON IN COCYTUS HALL 2 | SOLOMON

feat. [nightbringer] solomon x gn!mc contents. fluff ── physical touch, mentions of the mc being sad lol, comfort ^_^, solomc being silly genre. headcanons / drabble words. 1896 note. im so sleepy... enjoy my solomon posting.

read part 1 here

solomon.

▸ if you could describe what it was like living with solomon the best way you could put it was, “the first week of what it’s like being married.” or at least, what you think it’d be like.

▸ at first it was weird getting used to living there with just one person. after living with seven demons, getting used to quiet was…weird. honestly if you didn’t know any better you’d think you were in cocytus hall by yourself. solomon’s so quiet it’s freaky. the man doesn’t even make noise when he walks…his footsteps are so silent you wonder if he learned that from barbatos.

▸ solomon knows this and likes to sneak up behind you when you’re lounging around or actively doing chores. little bastard gets a kick when you jolt or drop whatever was in your hand. you’re this close to punching him

▸ regardless on if you like insects or not, solomon has given himself the role of getting rid of any pest that might be hidden away in the crevices of cocytus hall. why? he just likes doing little things for you! though… he’s such an ass about it on occasion.

peeking over from the door way of your room, you see solomon hunched over on the ground with a napkin in his hand. you spotted what seemed to be like the devildoms version of a centipede on the ground.

it looked.. weird and you didn’t want to really touch it, who knows what could’ve happened? so, you sought after your personal exterminator to do the job for you. is it a little wrong for you to put solomon in the front lines in case something happened? maybe.

“did you get it?” you speak up, getting his attention. solomon turns around waves the wriggling creature sandwiched between the folds of the napkin in his hand.

“hm? yea, want to see?” he grins mischievously, walking over and bringing it closer to you. god, that thing looked like a elongated maggot. you faked gagged and held your hands up, pushing him away from you.

“get that thing away from me before I throw both you and…it out the door.”

solomon stuck his tongue out at you before tossing the thing out the window, (didn’t even kill it lol)

“got rid of it for you, don’t i deserve a kiss?” he teases half heartedly

you sit in silence for a moment before beckoning him closer with your hand. he didn’t really expect you to follow through with it, beaming he walks closer to you and leans forward expectantly. you smile, kissing the tips of your index and middle finger, pressing them against his lips.

“in your dreams, old man.”

▸ after like a week solomon gained this habit that became routine for the both of you. when you’re spending your day busy attending to the brothers, solomon will wait for you to come back <3.

▸ the man doesn’t sleep… so it’s not like he’ll get tired if you come back late. still, you still don’t want to be back late because sometimes it’ll be like fuck ass o’clock and solomon’s sitting on the couch like,

“welcome back, mc. i’ve missed you.”

“you missed me?”

“very much. i made you dinner <3”

“wow…gee, im sooooo sleepy right now. i think i might die if i dont fall asleep right now.”

▸ casually cuddling with each other became a thing between the two of you after the first few nights you two shared a bed. laying in each others arms at night while recounting the events that happened that day. solomon gently stroking your cheek while listening to you talk about the brother’s recent misadventures. sometimes he’d interrupt your train of thought by kissing your knuckles, chuckling when he hears you trail off into complete silence.

“what’s wrong mc?” solomon muses, your hand pressed against his lips.

solomon presses another kiss to your hand before letting you pull it away, moving to brush his hair away from his face. “your lips… they’re soft.” you mumble half distracted.

“you sound surprised.”

▸ i talked about it before but i’ll go more in depth about these “sleepovers” that happen between you and solomon. the first time it happened, you slept in solomon’s bed without really meaning to.

it was the first day of being sent back centuries, you were completely overwhelmed. how cold the brothers were, treating you as if you were something at the bottom of their shoe. being unable to go back to the present, YOUR timeline where you had found yourself becoming family with the demon brothers. it became too much for you. if it weren’t for solomon tracking you down, you’d be completely alone in such an unfamiliar world.

you laid your head on solomon’s lap, clinging onto his clothes while you sobbed your little heart out. you felt pathetic honestly, feeling so small and alone. you couldn’t exactly help it. for the first time in a long time you felt so... helpless.

it was a similar feeling you had back when you first arrived into the devildom, the longing to just want to be back home where it was safe. solomon must’ve picked up on it, he offered you comfort without any hesitation.

solomon could only imagine what must’ve been stirring in your head. complicated feelings of your current situation, grateful you’re not entirely alone but fearful you’ll never be back “home”.

you were surrounded by so many familiar faces and yet, you couldn’t even recognize any of them. the demons that stood before you just hours prior were not the ones you had grown to love and care for, they weren't “family” to you just as you weren’t anything to them. your grip on solomon’s pants tighten as a sob ripped out from your throat. “i want to go home” were the only thoughts swirling in your head.

you’re not entirely sure as to how long you stayed like that. face buried in the lap of your teacher who held you as you cried on him. no words were ever exchanged between the two of you and yet there was a deep understanding between you both.

solomon knew what the brothers meant to you and had silently promised himself to get you back home safely by any means necessary.

you ended up falling asleep just like that. clinging onto solomon as if he’d disappear and forget you too. not that the sorcerer minded of course. solomon would gently move you to a more comfortable position on his bed, letting you lay there peacefully as he pulled up a chair beside the bed.

he wasn’t entirely sure if you’d be comfortable sleeping in the same bed with him just yet, so he opted to simply hold your hand throughout the night.

when “morning” had finally arrived, you woke up confused as you took in your surroundings. memories from the previous day had flooded back in and filled the blank spaces in your mind. ‘I’m still here…’ you thought, closing your eyes hoping that when you opened them back up you’d be back in your bed at the house of lamentation.

▸ ever since that night, it seems that the soft spot that solomon harbored for you had grown tenfold. likewise, you find yourself seeking his comfort more and more. there’s something about solomon’s presence that comforts you… it has similar affects on you like what being around simeon does.

▸ solomon lets you come to his room in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep. he never minds it when you climb into the sheets and lay next to him, he finds the hushed apologies that leave your lips quite adorable.

▸ he’ll pretend that he doesn’t notice you clutch onto his shirt or how you hold onto his hands. if this makes you feel safe, if he makes you feel this way then who is he to deny you.

▸ mornings are an entire ordeal with him… solomon isn’t much of a morning person (imo). he’s the type of person you’ll never see before 12pm. i swear, mornings are the few times his age catches up to him lmaoooooo.

▸ it’s like 10 am and solomon still isn’t out of his room. on any other day you wouldn’t pay any attention to it and would’ve left cocytus hall by now. but today’s different. why? because you miss him :p.

▸ waking him up usually goes like;

you walking over to his bed and flopping over ontop of him, “wake up, old man.”

“ghn-” he groans (weirdly) and sits up groggily. “mc? do you need something?”

“you.”

solomon sits in silence processing what you just said to him. once it finally clicks he laughs tiredly, “you woke me up just for my attention???”

“if i said yes would you give it to me?”

“i’ll think about it.” he sticks his tongue out. you grumble, “mammon would gladly give me attention…” solomon suddenly wraps his arms around you into an uncomfortably tight embrace.

“but he’d never love you as much as i love you” he says playfully, ignoring how you smack his back in attempts of trying to get him to let go.

“you love me?” solomon loosens his embrace and lets you pull away, he then puts a finger to his chin and pretends to think for a moment.

“sometimes”

▸ running errands together has become routine. sometimes you’d go on a grocery run not just for yourself but for restocking the kitchen back at the house of lamentation for…obvious…reasons.

▸ everytime you have to do that you call up solomon. “the bags are heavy.” you reason. solomon agrees to it because who wouldn't want an excuse to hang out with their favorite person ^_^.

▸ though…going shopping with solomon always ends up with you getting side tracked. he’ll end up buying you something that “reminds him of you” but it’s always something odd. you try not to think of what exactly it is he thinks of you when he sees a wooden figure of a headless chicken but i digress.

▸ honestly speaking, you don’t get to see much of solomon throughout your day. you spend a lot of your time attending to the brothers that any moments with him is cherished <3

▸ being launched back into time unwillingly has been hard for you. emotionally and mentally draining, having to somewhat relive your past with the demons hasn’t been easy.. and yet, just having one familiar face by your side has been enough for you to get by.

▸ you catch yourself wanting to spend more time with solomon. more and more you find yourself saying “sorry, i have to get back home” when politely rejecting the brothers’ requests at staying over just a little longer. it’s not that you want to disappoint them, there’s just…something about cocytus hall that you gravitate towards.

▸ maybe it’s not cocytus hall itself. you don’t exactly consider cocytus hall your home, it’s too grand and too unfamiliar for you. not even the purgatory hall was all that familiar to you.

▸ in your mind, it felt as though you were more so attached to solomon himself rather than the building. wherever he was, that’s where “home” would be.

thank you for reading, rbs appreciated<3 m.list

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me drabble #obey me solomon #obey me solomon headcanons #obey me nightbringer #solomon headcanons #obey me fluff #solomon x reader #solomon fluff #solomon x mc #obey me x mc #obey me imagines #omswd #omnb #gn!reader #ims o fucking tiredaaughhrgrrhrgr

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monimccoythings · 2 months

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Cursed Cat! Alastor x Child!Reader (Platonic)

This fucker has consumed my entire mind. Everywhere I go, I see him. I need posters, keychains and a plushie of this entity of evil. Since the Sacabambapsis, I never laughed at anything as hard as I did with this little freak of nature (affectionate). Going to be a short one because I'm still laughing as I'm writing this.

This is not proof read, so sorry for any grammar and/or vocabulary mistakes.

All credit goes to @coma_0423 on twitter for simultaneously ruining and saving my life.

Tw: mentions of death

tags: @anonymousewrites, @nonetheartist, @littledolly2345, @sunnyx07, @ouroborostheunholy, @mo-0-o, @sydneyyyya @lbcreations-blog

Nobody really knows how he ended up as a cat. One day he just woke up like that.

The first time you see him your mind goes entirely blank. And then you laugh. Like, really loud. You don't remember the last time you laughed as hard as you were laughing now. You were rolling on the floor, tears running down your face and holding your tummy in pain.

You can see smoke coming out of his ears and static getting louder. But oh boy was it funny, he looks like he hasn't had a single thought in his entire life. He doesn't find it the slightest bit amusing, but you are truly laughing for the first time in years so he will let it slide.

He follows you around, being the protective cat-father he is. At some point your strides are too much for him to follow up with, so you have to carry him. And given your short stature he is just dangling in your arms with that stupid looking face, which, no matter how much you try to resist, makes you burst into laughing fits.

Won't allow any doors between you two. If you have to leave him out, he will serenade you with the song of his people until you let him in.

Can't stand seeing you spending time with anybody else, specially Lucifer. If he catches you two together in some bonding activity, he will dart across the room and jump him. You had to practically beg Vaggie to not use her spear as a baseball bat whenever he tried to pull that one on the King of Hell.

When you are sitting, he likes to loaf on your lap. Just keeping you pinned to your seat so you'll be forced to pay attention to him and only him. He won't admit it ever, but he absolutely adores being scratched behind the ears.

Satan fobid if you get a hold of a laser pointer. You can see him literally vibrate, eye twitching, trying to resist the siren call of the light. (He eventually gives in)

Any pests? He will take care of them, you can find him casually munching on the carcass of some dead animal in the middle of the hall, talk about being classy. And then he'll have the nerve to call you out for chewing too loud.

Get ready to wake up to him staring at you unblinkingly, with his snout mere centimeters from your nose. The first time he did it, you screamed and fell out of bed. He checked to make sure you were okay, but still found the situation very amusing, given the way his smile widened.

It is impossible to take a pic of Alastor in that form. He is always hypervigilant since he knows the damage it could cause to his reputation as a feared overlord. All pics of him are either blurry or distorted. You don't have the heart to tell him that it just makes them more hilarious.

You don't know how to turn him back, Lucifer seems to not know how to do it (or maybe he does and is having way too much fun with this), but maybe you'll keep him like that for a little while; as a cat, you dad is practically harmless, or at least less dangerous than he was as a demon. Also, it feels nice going to sleep with him curled into a fluffy ball by your head, his static filled purrs lulling you to sleep.

#alastor x reader #cursed cat alastor #hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor

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txttletale · 4 months

Note

whos your least favorite doctor, or rather the one you found yourself having the least fun with?

11. i know a lot of people love him and i see why, he gives some great performances in his tenure, but i can't get over what an unbearable misogynist and borderline sex pest he was or how his resolution to almost every problem was to tell it how awesome he was. that said 13 is the one i had the "least fun with" because her entire era was just stunningly boring. nothing as actively loathsome about the writing as 11 or, like, 6 but also none of the highs that either of them got. just a passive character idly drifting between setpieces like a confused bumblebee

#ask #doctor who

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muzansfangs · 2 months

Text

How they eat you out.

Starring: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez x f!reader; Shinji Hirako x f!reader; Isshin Kurosaki x f!reader;

Format: short-imagines;

Warnings: nsfw, language, dirty talk, overstimulation, shibari, vaginal fingering, oral sex (reader!receiving), daddy kink, marking the partner, hair pulling, praise kink, possessiviness, pussy slapping, edging, orgasm denial, dom!Grimmjow, dom!Shinji, dom!Isshin, small age gap between Isshin and the reader, sub!reader;

Plot: they love you, they love you so much that giving you oral has become an art for them. But they all have a different style, their own unique way of doing it. How do they eat you out? What do they do to make you melt under their skilful tongue?

PART ONE| PART TWO| PART THREE.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

This man is a menace. A predator, he is keen to devour you messily, obviously. When he eats you out, Grimmjow makes you feel like a hapless antelope chased down the savanna by a leopard, caged in his chokehold, quite literally. His nails felt like claws digging onto your thighs to keep you in place at his mercy. In his shimmering piercing blue eyes, you did not fail to recognize the panther living inside of him. Grimmjow was a wild animal, you had to deal with it.

When he feasted on you, he always did it as if he was a starving man. He lapped, groaned, manhandled you to accomodate you in a position he enjoyed the most in that very moment and he even slapped your pussy, if you dared to protest.

Albeit he could be rough, though, he would have never hurt you.

Grimmjow was not a man prone to pour his heart out in tear-jerker love confessions. After telling you he liked you, he meant it and confined himself to territorial gestures and passionate nights of lust and love. His ownership over you was already established, yet he loved to remind you of how deeply he cared about you and your ultimate pleasure by spending hours with his face buried between your legs.

He could never get enough of you, of your taste, of the way you writhed beneath the licks he gave you. His tongue lapped at your core non-stop, his feline eyes scrutinizing in delight the way your face scrunched up, as he made you navigate the different seas of lust and pleasure.

As you laid on your back, his hands keeping your legs spread in front of his face, his mouth worked on your pussy to make sure not a single inch of your flesh was left untouched. You could swear you had even heard him growl as you bucked your hips up erratically. As a reflex, your knees spasmed and you attempted to close your legs. Wrong choice. Terrible accident.

“Keep your fucking legs like that, woman” he rasped out, forcing them back down as he shot you a resentful glare through his lashes.

You whimpered, hands covering your face in dispair as you panted “G–Grimmjow, baby, I’m sorry! It’s too much…” you gingerly whined, only to hear him snort and flick his tongue over your sensitive clit as a delectable form of punishment.

“You better be sorry. Look at you, soaking wet, and trying to rob me of my meal. Stop bitching around” he chided you, making you gawk as your hand reached out to grasp a pillow and you playfully hit him with it over his head.

This was such a natural course of events for you two. Moments of domestic tenderness and play time paired up with steamy activities. Maybe, deep down, you had truly tamed him!

Grimmjow groaned and slapped your folds as a payback, making you regret having chuckled at him and his dumbfounded expression the moment the fluffy pillow had landed on his face. Had you, by any chance, forgotten who was in charge? The audacity of acting like an alpha, when he was supposed to be the one, at least in bed, was surely going too far.

“You little pest, you know what? I’m done tongue-fucking you. On your hands and knees, now” the blue-haired former Espada ordered you, standing back up and unbuckling his belt right before your now rounded eyes.

Oh, well, your little stunts always led to him sheathing himself deep into you and hours spent in sitting down with a certain discomfort. Little did he know you always tried to piss him off to get pinned down like that and, honestly, he did not feel like complaining.

Not when he could mark you down over and over again.

Shinji Hirako.

Your boyfriend and his unhealthy, enervating, obnoxious obsession for doing things in unconventional ways had repercussions on sex too at times. While it was always an enjoyable experience, there were days it could lead you to insanity. Shinji loved to vary. You surely could not say sex with him was static, basic. On the contrary, it was appallingly turbolent. Along with loving to give you oral, Shinji literally put you in every possible position humanly practicable.

Upside down, preferably.

Dangling from the ceiling, ropes meticulously tying your limbs, you whimpered at the feeling of Shinji’s pierced tongue flicking your bundle of nerves. Your body shrieked, jaw going slack as your eyes fluttered closed to enjoy the sensation to its fullest. His sarcastic and infuriatingly childish attitude were reflected by his actions. He was born to tease you, to break you down piece by piece, until you were nothing but a whining mass of sweat and pleas.

“Your hole clenching around nothing is calling me, babe. Can you hear it whisper to me? Atta girl, you’re doing so fuckin’ good for me” your boyfriend crooned, his lips still hovering over your dripping sex, amber eyes drifting down your body until he made eye-contact with you.

Arching your back, a breathy moan ripped from your throat, your movements restricted by the ropes amplifying your perception to the maximum level “Shinji! Baby, please, just … Just add a finger, I can’t do this anymore” you begged him, teary eyes meeting his cunning ones, through your eyelashes.

Honestly, you had lost count of how many times he had brought you close to the edge only to let you down on the verge of your orgasm. He loved watching you bewailing, wiggling around, when all you could do was begging him to just finish you off. It was satisfying, amusing even.

“Damn, this greedy pussy’s so hungry for me. Have you heard her, babe? She wants a finger to fill her up! Fine, fine, I think it’s time to feed her. Brace yourself” Shinji casually chimed them, eyeing you amusedly with his characteristic shit-eating grin plastered over his face.

He was overly sassy, when it came down to you and your presumably pathetic antics. Testing your endurance, your patience, your self-control were delectable activities he loved to involve in your intercourses. His divious ways of unraveling you piece by piece, watching you unfold before his sharp eyes radiated a very much unparalleled sadistic aura you had never seen in anyone else before him.

The moment he glided his finger down your slit, temporizing for a little longer around your opening, before finally burying his finger into you, made you almost sob in need. Eyes squeezed shut, you shrieked, foreteeth sinking onto your lower lip almost causing it to bleed. It was still not enough, you needed more, you needed him.

Your feeble protests did not go unnoticed, though, and your partner was kind of feeling guilty for having edged you for so long. He sighed, ducking his face back down to your heat, darting his tongue out to swirl it over your clitoris. Adding a second finger, he began to scissor them into you at a fast tempo, the silver sphere on his tongue stimulating you in the right spots.

“Shinji! Babe, I’m— Shit!” you cried out in ecstasy, the pleasure coiling on your lower abdomen making it hard for you to stammer out a sensible speech.

Out of your head, breathless, knackered, you arched your spine and the sound of your strained moan eachoed through the walls of your empty flat. Finally, he had let you reach your pined climax. Chin glistening, coated by your juices, Shinji took a step back and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

That smug smile of his never ceased to make butterflies flutter in your stomach.

“Your pussy has such ‘a foul mouth’, when I eat her out. Yer should tell her to behave, damn it” he jested, earning a tired eye-roll from your behalf. Asking him to keep his attitude on check was the equivalent of talking to a wall.

“Untie me now, Hikaro Shinji. Or I will be delighted to show you how foul my mouth can really be” you countered back, only for him to snicker and begin to loosen up the ropes restraining your limbs.

After all, you were both far from being done and you were sure as hell not going to let his tantrum slide that easily.

Isshin Kurosaki.

The things this man would do for you go beyond your fervid imagination. He is not a boy, he is a man, husband material to be precise. Isshin knows how to please a woman and, according to him, the best part about giving you pleasure and incommensurable bliss is watching you unfold before his adoring eyes. One thing about him: you are his queen and priority. He would literally neglect his own urges and needs to take care or yours.

“I think I will skip the dessert tonight” Isshin announced, wiping his mouth with a napkin, eying you through his dark eyelashes from the other side of the table.

You knew exactly what he meant by that and you unconsciously found yourself pressing your thighs together under the table.

“You skip the dessert, but maybe you have had too much wine” you teased him back, albeit you played along his goofy game of seduction and shot a coquettish gaze towards him.

Isshin grinned and stood up, stretching his arms over his head, before he circled the table and stopped right next to you. His eyes devoured you, as he dragged your chair along the floor, parting you from the table with ease. He always made you feel as light as a feather, his strength something he was so proud of.

Cocking your head to the side questioningly, you flicked your gaze up to him “What are you up to now?” you inquired, watching the way he dropped to his knees right in front of you. He had insisted for you to wear that dress all day long and now you could finally see why he had been a literal pest.

His hands carefully hiked up the flowy skirt of your dress, his smile widening as you did not hesitate to be collaborative and hold it up in your hands while be settled his hands on each of your rotula, cupping it and pushing your legs apart for him. When he went down on you, Isshin never put you through too much trouble. He specifically asked you to simply enjoy the experience and pull at his hair. He spoiled you, he lavished you.

His hot breath fanning your clothed sex made you suck in a breath and he leisurely tugged the hem of your panties to the side to expose your folds to his longing eyes.

“Hush, baby, let daddy enjoy his well-deserved dessert, alright? I need it so badly, baby. It’s been so long since I did it” he dramatized the situation, eliciting a chuckle from you as his tongue tickled your clit.

“But, daddy, you did it yesterday morning on your desk! – you pointed out, lolling your head back as you securely tangled your fingers between his hair, tugging at them gently – Was it not enough?” you asked him, hips bucking up unintentionally and pulling a husky grunt out of him.

Enough? Of course it was not enough. This man loved nipping, lapping and sucking your pussy dry. He needed to do it, at least, twice a day.

Before his tongue could finally dive into your wet cavern, he knitted his eyebrows together, scoffing “That’s offensive. You left me starving, darling. Let daddy be happy, please, be a good girl” he pleaded you, his mouth leaving a sloppy kiss over your pubes before his tongue made you see stars.

Keeping it low with him was impossible. Either you laughed out loud, or you let out pornographic screams of pleasure hard not to hear down the streets.

Especially, when he left the window open for letting people covet what was rightfully his.

AUTHOR NOTE.

Hello there! I’m so glad I have finally completed this series! Maybe, one day, when my requests will be opened again, I will add other characters too but as for now let’s just enjoy these ones. As per usual, your support means a lot! Thanks for having read this piece and I hope you’ve drawn enough enjoyment to simp for those folks. Likes, comments and re-posts are greatly appreciated! Also, writing for Isshin has been hell on Earth, help🥹

Until next,

x o x o

TAGS: @stygianoir @electronicwitchcollection @brittscafe @kr0wu @kryptoniteforsale

#grimmjow x reader #bleach smut #grimmjow smut #bleach x reader #bleach headcanons #grimmjow x you #grimmjow headcanons #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #bleach isshin #isshin kurosaki #isshin x reader #shinji hirako smut #shinji hirako x reader #shinji x reader #shinji hirako

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just-j-really · 5 months

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Another Dreamling fic I'm probably not going to write: amnesia AU, but played for comedy/fluff. Hob forgets everything from the night he met Dream onward because of some sort of curse. Dream decides to look after him until the curse wears off, because he is Being a Good Friend.

So from Hob's perspective, a Mysterious Hot Guy told him he'd see him in 100 years time and then he woke up in the future, with the Mysterious Hot Guy refusing to let him out of his sight.

Hob is under the impression he's being kidnapped/seduced by some fey creature, and "show him the delights the future has to offer" is just how this guy flirts.

Hob is not opposed.

Meanwhile Dream is being dragged along on a whirlwind tour of the year 2023 by a Manic Pixie Dream Medieval Peasant who wants to see absolutely everything there is to see in the future right now immediately.

(I am a little bit thinking of the festival dance scene in Tangled, with Hob as Rapunzel. Only instead of Festival Activities he is enthusiastically dragging Dream around to the various Sights of modern London.)

The Sights in Question are this bizarre mix of 'things a modern person would consider an attraction in modern London' and 'entirely banal parts of modern London' and Hob is having the time of his life. The future has stores full of more food than he's seen??? And types of food he's never seen??? And spices and off-season fruit just sitting there??? And fabric is so soft now???? And medication and pest control are just??? Available??? Life is so rich!!!!

(And on the other hand like. This man was excited about playing cards. Someone please show him an arcade. He is forcing Dream to play every multiplayer game available. Especially the driving ones. Neither of them knows how to drive.)

(Dream takes him to a museum and he's staring at a display from the 14-1500s marveling at how futuristic the technology is. He's actually more excited about that stuff than he is about the whole 'computers' thing because it's close enough for him to have some point of reference.)

(Also sidebar from the comedy- Maybe Dream shows Hob the ruins of the White Horse. Hob stares at the building for a long time, then starts crying. Not outright sobs, just tears steadily slipping down his face like he's not really aware of them. Dream panics and tries to comfort him, mentally kicking himself for showing Hob the one connection to the life he knows in ruins. But Hob, laughing now, explains that this was the first time it really hit him? That he's actually 600 years in the future, not in some fairyland Dream created. And that means that all the disease and starvation and war and world-ending horror he was staring down 600-odd years ago didn't. He was going to grit his teeth and live no matter what but the fact that the world made it here along with him? That humanity's still here? And managed to create antibiotics and planes and chimneys in the meantime? That's a goddamn miracle.)

And Dream is getting dragged along with Hob, at first reluctantly, but slowly falling for Hob's enthusiasm throughout the day/week/whatever. And this version of Hob is like. Outright flirting with him. He's outright flirting with a lot of people, fair, but Dream especially. And of course Dream's having a feeling about it, because of course the version of Hob who doesn't actually know him, doesn't know how cruel he was over the centuries, is the one who'd be interested in him.

The Manic Pixie Dream Medieval Peasant Tour of London ends up taking on a decidedly romantic note, after a few days. And one night, after an evening in a restaurant that Dream knows is one of Hob's favorites, where everyone around them was silently willing them to get a room because the tension between two people who are very carefully sitting on opposite sides of the table and not actually touching, just talking to each other, was far too palpable, Hob caves, and drags Dream into a kiss the second they get back to his flat.

It's a good kiss, and Dream lets himself enjoy it for a moment, because he'll never get to kiss Hob again so at least he can have the memory of this one. Then he gently breaks the kiss and tells Hob, equally gently, that they can't. That Hob doesn't remember the majority of their relationship, how cruel Dream has been to him. That his present self doesn't feel the same way.

And then Hob, who's been staring starry-eyed at Dream this whole conversation, says "I do, though."

And Dream is like "Yes I know you like me now with but the you with your memory intact does not."

And Hob's like "No, I do. I got my memory back right when I kissed you."

And there is, unfortunately, more confusion (Hob explaining that yes he has always liked Dream it's just that 600 years have made him minutely less reckless and also the current him remembers that they are friends and doesn't want to ruin that. But no, Dream is wrong on all counts, he remembers every moment of their friendship and he does like Dream the same way and holy shit??? There is a 'same way'???? Dream wanted to keep kissing him????)

And then they clear all that up and live happily ever after.

(Yes it was a True Love's Kiss thing)

#dreamling #hob gadling #my fic

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tteokdoroki · 1 year

Text

“sae itoshi.”

“no.”

“would you still love me if i were to be a worm?”

sae glances upwards from his phone and mindless scrolling through social media or emails from his agent about upcoming promotional activities. your boyfriend doesn’t tolerate stupidity, it’s something he absolutely despises— half assed attempts at jokes and pleasing him only serve to piss him off. but when it’s you, sae’s like a dog that’s all bark and no bite.

“what kind of question is that?” he takes the bait, legs already spreading when you move to stand between them, his hands dropping his device to instinctively jump up to your hips.

you pout down at him, like a child being told no but it quickly dissipates as your boyfriend rubs soothing circles into your hips - loving you without openly saying it. “don’t be a prick, just answer it.”

“it’s a stupid question, ask one of your other stupid boyfriends.”

“like rin?” you tease with your tongue in your cheek — mischief dancing in your eyes in a way that sat thinks is oh so pretty.

sae drags you by the hips right down into his lap, one hand on your knee as it straddles his thigh.

“no.”

“but you said—“

“ask me again.” the midfielder huffs, feigning his indifference at the mention of his younger brother. rin wouldn’t answer that for you, he didn’t deserve to, sae thinks, possessively nudging his nose along your cheeks while your fingers curl around the broad scope of his shoulders to keep yourself steady — brain fogging up at the scent of his expensive cologne and his proximity.

“okay,” you breathe shakily, pulling back to cast your gaze into his aquamarine eyes — like throwing a stone into deep water. “would you still love me if i was a worm, sae itoshi?”

“yes,” sae mumbles, only this time in agreement. he allows his lips to brush over the corner of your mouth — indirectly asking you for a kiss as the tips of his ears burn with slight embarrassment. “i would. as long as you don’t act like a pest.”

“is that a love confession, sae itoshi?”

“shut up, don’t be annoying.” he groans, craning his neck up to kiss you fully — melting at the taste of your mixed berry chapstick on his tongue and biting down on your lower lip until you squeal for him.

sae always did have his unconventional ways of showing love — even if it meant you prying it out of him.

#blue lock x reader #itoshi sae x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi sae x you #blue lock fluff #bllk fluff #itoshi sae fluff #itoshi sae imagines #sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi x you #sae itoshi fluff #sae itoshi imagines #sae x you #sae x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x you #✧ ₊˚੭ — writing #tteokdoroki #✧ ₊˚💭੭ — aali just posted

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hillbillyoracle · 1 year

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For those with home related New Years Resolutions:

I’ve been a disabled homemaker for 5 years now so I wanted to share the resources that have helped me take our home from complete chaos to reasonably functional and enjoyable.

If you’re not functioning...

If you’re constantly tripping over things and getting injured, eating food that makes you sick, dealing with pests in the home, and struggling to complete basic tasks like feeding, clothing, and bathing yourself, then you should start with...

KC Davis aka StruggleCare aka DomesticBlisters

TikTok

Book

Podcast

Website

I recommend KC Davis’s stuff with a big heaping dose of “keep what works and leave what doesn’t.” She’s one of the few people I’ve seen talking about compassionate care focused on maintaining a level of personal functioning rather than maintaining a home. Her stuff has been very helpful to me during some very challenging times.

I think her some of her best work is probably her videos on the 5 step tidying process, the ones on setting up bedside hygiene and food kits, and the ones on dealing with DOOM (Didn’t Organize Only Moved) boxes.

That being said she has a tendency to use neurotype as a shield for not reckoning with other dynamics in a situation (gendered, narcissism, etc) when asked for advice by viewers which can lead to this “all people with neurodivergence are good” vibe which I find off putting (especially as an autistic person). I mention it because her bleh stuff was all I was coming across and I missed out on her good stuff for a while. It’s worth picking through though.

Her book is a little better on the whole.

If you’re functioning but still very overwhelmed...

If you can complete your daily activities of living pretty regularly but you’re still losing papers you need, rebuying items you didn’t realize you had, or looking around your home at a mess that feels impossible to clean, then check out...

Dana K White aka A Slob Comes Clean

YouTube

Website

Podcast

Books

I love Dana K. White’s stuff. Honestly, I recommend her to every level on this list but I think she probably shines brightest in this category.

Her 5 step decluttering process is pure fucking gold. It’s a decluttering process that doesn’t rely on feelings at all - really helpful for those with trauma or alexthymia generally. She has multiple videos explaining it and even more where you can watch her go step by step with someone over the course of an hour and make a huge dent in some very overwhelming mess. Its the process I’ve used to go through over 50 moving boxes to declutter so we could fit in this much smaller space we moved to in April.

Her day to day cleaning advice is also excellent. Her concept of dishes math has really helped me make decisions about what chores to focus on when I’m low energy. Her 14 Days to Opening Your Front Door series is amazing if you’re having to host for a given occasion but your home is a wreck.

If you’re not painfully overwhelmed by your stuff but there’s still a lot of friction in your home...

If your stuff doesn’t overwhelm you but your home still doesn’t feel that good to be in, you’re still not finding things when you need to or it’s taking you a long time to find them, you create homes for things but they look terrible or they never seem to stick, then you’d love...

Cassandra Aarssen aka Clutterbug

YouTube

Books

Website

Podcast

Clutterbug types were kind of a game changer for me. It’s what really opened my eyes to why the systems that worked for me did not work for my partner. She is a Bee - lots of small categories that are all very visible - and I am a ladybug - big bucket categories that aren’t visible. When I reorganized our space according to the compromise between our types, Butterfly - big categories and very visible - all of a sudden the systems just worked so much better. There were many fewer fights sparked by things not getting put away or not being able to find things. So I really recommend her videos on the different types and examples of each.

Quick word of warning, she does have regular videos about diet and exercise that I personally find pretty triggering to my disordered eating habits so I’m not subscribed to her and just check her channels every now and then so it’s easier to skip over videos where that might be a topic she talks about.

Cliff Tan aka Dear Modern

TikTok

YouTube

Website

Book

Cliff Tan’s work is the most recent of these resources that I’ve come across but holy shit I cannot recommend it enough.

Because my parents didn’t originally intend on my partner using the room she wound up using, there’s simply not space to keep some of the furniture and items in there anywhere else. Meaning she just kind of has to keep a fair bit of junk in there. But after watching (read: binging) the Dear Modern YouTube channel and seeing him completely change spaces by moving furniture around, I redid my partners room over the course of about 2 hours and it’s a completely different room. Way more comfortable and she’s already mentioned she’s getting much better sleep.

So I really really recommend his stuff. Sometimes what you really need isn’t new stuff but just rearranging what you already have.

If you’re pretty content with your home but want to streamline the process of caring for it...

If your home is pretty functional but regular tidying, deep cleaning, and maintenance tasks specifically keep falling through the cracks, then you might like...

FlyLady System

Website

The Secret Slob - YouTube

Diane in Denmark - YouTube

There are lots of systems out there for house keeping but I’ve yet to try or see one that seems to do better than FlyLady for me. Since with my illness my energy varies wildly, I don’t necessarily do things when her system recommends but I do them according to the priority her system ascribes to them as I’m able.

FlyLady is a notoriously convoluted website so I really recommend learning from a secondhand source. The Secret Slob and Diane in Denmark are my favorites.

Maintenance Lists

This Old House

There a lots of maintenance lists out there and honestly finding one and doing what you can is better than nothing. I personally like the ones from This Old House because they’re broken up into annual, seasonal, monthly, and some weekly tasks - which are essentially priority categories, similar to FlyLady. I’ve linked the winter one here but there are many others to pick through depending on what you want to work on.

Bonus: Paper Clutter

My System

Link

This is what I’ve arrived at after years of experimentation. It’s an amalgam of a few different ideas from different systems in one place. I keep mind on my fridge but put yours where ever you’re dumping paper anyways. If you’re in a room or live in a car/backpack - I have ideas on how to organize it for those in this post too.

Sunday Basket

YouTube Video

The Minimal Mom’s Video

She’s in Her Apron Video

Need something a little more robust? The Sunday Basket is probably be best version of a paper (and other stuff) system I’ve seen. Got something that needs dealt with? Chuck it in the Sunday Basket. The creator also has videos on long term paper storage ideas if that’s something you need as well. But her videos usually run an hour long so I recommend starting with either the Minimal Mom’s video or She’s in Her Apron’s video.

Bonus: Digital Clutter

PARA System/Building a Second Brain by Tiago Forte

YouTube Channel

Website

Book

Essential Video

The branding on this system can be very productivity tech wonk which is off putting to me but when I finally started hearing what was at the core of it and applying it - my digital life was changed. I’ve linked my absolute favorite video he’s done here. Ignore the bit about it being the last in the series, most of us are already using some note app and if you like it you can always go back and watch the rest. But just applying what’s in that video to your digital systems will make things easier to find.

Hope this helps someone out there!

#homemaking #housekeeping #getting your shit together #organizing #adulting #life skills #home #decluttering #studyblr

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 2 months

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it's very bad no good cupcake baking time for the hotel crew (save them) (charlie did you think this throu-) (NO)

Charlie: “I have! The most brilliant plan for a group bonding activity!”

Angel Dust: “Oooh~ Bondin’ or bond-”

Vaggie: “You live here for free.”

Angel Dust: “Buy my silence, Vaggity Fair, cause’ it sure ain’t free.”

Vaggie: (groans) (slips him a twenty) “Go on babe, what’s the mission statement?”

Charlie: “We should all bake CUPCAKES together!!”

Hotel Crew: "......"

Husk: “…Why.”

Charlie: “Beeeecaaaause it’d be so SWEET!”

Vaggie: “And you also live here for free.”

Husk: “Not of my own free will I don’t.”

Charlie: “Aw c’mon Husk, please? Baking is probably KINDA like drink mixing, right?”

Husk: “It’s not.”

Vaggie: (SIGHS) (slips him a twenty)

Husk: “I’ve got cooking sherry around here somewhere, I think.”

Alastor: “How thrilling! Extreme heat sources, flammable liquids, and so many little bottles and vials that couldn’t possibly get mix up with anything in the pest control cabinet!”

Niffty: “Hee hee hee…. Rat poison~”

Vaggie: “Twenty bucks and you LOCK that cabinet, okay?”

Niffty: “Thirty and a new knife set!”

Vaggie: (has given up) “Fine.”

Niffty: “OKAY!”

Charlie: “We need to go shopping anyway. We’ll need flour and sugar and uhhhh flavory things of some kind probably and um, those little paper thingies- the cup cake… skirts?”

Alastor: “Glad to see how prepared our intrepid leader is for this marvelous expedition!”

Charlie: “Cup cake… dollies…?”

Vaggie: “I’ll handle it. You remember how to pre-heat the oven?”

Charlie: “NOT with actual fire!”

Alastor: “Aww.”

Angel Dust: (handing back the twenty) “I want a new pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs. Mine broke~”

Vaggie: “I don’t want to know.”

Husk: (handing his twenty back too) “Beer.”

Vaggie: “Beer? You run the hotel BAR.”

Husk: “What, you think I nip stuff under the table at work?”

Alastor: “Oh there isn’t much thought needed when it comes to you, I’m afraid.”

Husk: “You think I LIKE that I do that? That’s the stupid hotel’s shit, can’t relax sneaking shots that aren’t mine, racking up a tab like that. This beer is gonna be only for me.”

Charlie: “Husk…”

Vaggie: “Great whatever, guilt free beer for the alcoholic.”

Alastor: “How touching. And I require-”

Vaggie: “What YOU need is a-”

Charlie: “Happy place!”

Vaggie: “-which I’m not picking up for you. I’ll get more cleaning supplies too while I’m at it.”

Charlie: “More? Vaggie, have some faith! We’re all adults here! It’s not gonna be THAT messy. We just need to measure things, maybe chop some stuff up first-”

Niffty: “KNIVES.”

Charlie: “-put all in a- blender-? A blender would work for mixing, right? Then pour the batter in the things and into the oven! Which I WILL remember to preheat this time. Without fire.”

Vaggie: “Good point.”

Charlie: “See!”

Vaggie: “We should stock up on first aid stuff too.”

Charlie: (pouting) “We’ll talk about it on the way.”

Vaggie: “Sweetie, thanks for wanting to help carry groceries, but I really think we need to divide and conquer here.”

Charlie: “Huh?”

Vaggie: “Husk is already halfway to the wine cellar.”

Charlie: “He wh- Husk wait! You can’t help make friendship cupcakes if you’re blackout drunk!”

Angel Dust: “Toots that’s the whole idea.”

Vaggie: “Fifty bucks if he’s still conscious when I get back. I’ll need him in the kitchen later if we’re gonna get through this alive.”

Angel Dust: “Spend it on getting’ him a really NICE beer and you’ve gotta deal.”

Vaggie: (eye twitch) “Why is all my money turning into drugs and sex toys?”

Niffty: “And KNIVES!”

Vaggie: “The one silver lining…”

Alastor: “You know, if you won’t extend simple shopping list courtesies to me, then I suppose I shall have to go shopping myself as well.”

Vaggie: “Keep your shopping on the other side of town from me or I’m coming home with a flat screen tv.”

Alastor: (annoyed channel switch sound) “….Noted!”

– LATER –

Hotel Crew: “………….”

Oven: (DING)

Vaggie: “…”

Vaggie: “….cupcakes are done.”

Charlie: “Oh yay. Whoo. Hoo.”

Hotel Crew: “…….”

Vaggie: “If no one takes them out they’re gonna burn.”

Angel Dust: “Let ‘em.”

Husk: “Little fuckers deserve to fry.”

Charlie: (exhausted) “No one deserves to burn for all eternity.”

Niffty: “Yeah! I wanna RIP THEM APART and STAB THE CRUMBS.”

Alastor: “Well that’s two votes for burning and two for rescuing, to a certain extent. I myself would like to try out these DARLING cupcake toppers that I found while out doing my shopping completely alone.”

Vaggie: “Oh my girlfriend’s dad shut up. You won’t die just because no one was listening to you for ten minutes.”

Alastor: “In any case, that makes three for rescue and two for burn, with you as the undecided vote, Vaggie. Choose wisely~!”

Vaggie: (sighing) “Someone hand me the oven mitts.”

Husk: “They’re in the fucking blender.”

Angel Dust: “What’s left of ‘em.”

Vaggie: “Fine. Someone move the pile of dirty dishes off Charlie so SHE can be our oven mitts.”

Charlie: “It’s so peaceful under here…”

Vaggie: “The friendship cupcakes are dying, babe.”

Charlie: “UggghHHHHHH ‘kay. Coming.”

Angel Dust “That’s what she sa-”

Vaggie: “KNIVES.”

Angel Dust “-cough cough cough! I didn’t say nothin’, I got a piece of walnut shell stuck in my throat!”

Alastor: “Usual night for you then, hmm?”

Husk: “Who the fuck put in walnuts?”

Vaggie: “Who cares. If they shelled them then it’s at least better than the coconut thing.”

Charlie: “Did we add anything that wasn’t nut related?”

Vaggie: “Uhhh.”

Angel Dust “Nope!”

Husk: “Is that the only thing you were keeping track of.”

Angel Dust “Hey I know my strengths and I’m stickn’ to ‘em!”

Charlie: “Speaking of strength and sticking… um…”

Hotel Crew: “……….”

Charlie: “They’re bubbling.”

Vaggie: “Yeah.”

Charlie: “Or, breathing?”

Vaggie: “Yeah…”

Charlie: “Is that normal? It feels kinda… not normal.”

Vaggie: “It’s. Impressive.”

Niftty: “They’re ALIVE!” (knife) “For now.”

Charlie: “Well I guess we shouldn’t REALLY judge them until we’ve actually seen what they taste like-”

Angel Dust “Not it!”

Husk: “Fuck no.”

Alastor: “I’m terribly afraid that I am on a diet.”

Vaggie: “You eat rotting deer carcasses.”

Alastor: “And THEY aren’t still moving when I chow in, ha ha!”

Charlie: “Okay well, I guess I’ll just…”

Vaggie: “Wait. You’re probably immune to half the stuff that’d kill us.”

Charlie: “Right, so I should-”

Vaggie: “You’re not a good example of what happens when a non-demon princess person eats these, sweetie. If wanna test for uh, quality control, it shouldn’t be with you.”

Hotel Crew: “…..”

Vaggie: “….hand me a cupcake.”

Husk: (edges out of the splash zone)

Charlie: “You don’t have to do this.”

Angel Dust: “But you totally should! After I get my phone out though, hold on a sec-”

Vaggie: “I’m standing right in front of Radio Head over here so don’t even THINK about recording this.”

Alastor: “Aww my dear little angel-”

Charlie: “Alastor.” (calm smile) (horns out) “Her name is Vaggie.”

Alastor: “-Vaggie, yes, I would almost be willing to make an exception to my own morals for you.” (grins at angel dust) “Almost.”

Angel Dust: (lowering his phone) “I was jus’ takin’ a selfie. You know. Since I’m covered in sticky white shit anyway.”

Husk: “This fucking sucks.” (shakes his paws)

Vaggie: “No. THIS does.”

Vaggie: (bites cupcake)

Hotel Crew: “……………..”

Vaggie: “….hm.”

Hotel Crew: (STEPS BACK)

Vaggie: “It’s… well it’s kinda…”

Charlie: (cringing) “Break up worthy??”

Niffty: “PAINFUL?”

Vaggie: “It’s.. Fruity..?”

Hotel Crew: (stares at still moving cupcakes)

Angel Dust: “No. Fuckin’. Way.”

Husk: “Since the fuck WHEN did they have fruit in them?”

Angel Dust: “They didn’t! I swear I checked!”

Charlie: “Are they, um, edible?”

Vaggie: “Well I wouldn’t sign them up for a baking competition but I’m not dying either, so.”

Charlie: (excited) “So we did it? We all made actual cupcakes together?”

Vaggie: (smiling) “We did it. Mission cupcake completed.”

Charlie: “HAHA YUS!” (fist pump) “FRIENDSHIP POWERRRRRRR!!!!”

Alastor: “Now now now, no cupcake is fully complete without a lovely floral topper!”

Angel Dust: “Ain’t THAT the truth~”

Alastor: “Which I bought. Alone. Without any second opinion to rely on.”

Vaggie: (rolls eye)

Charlie: “And they’re so cute! Thank you Alastor- you picked wonderfully. Everyone, get decorating!”

Niffty: (drooping) “No stabbing?”

Vaggie: “You can poke ‘em each with a knife to check that they’re done.”

Niffty: “HEHEHEH.”

Vaggie: “Poke them with the knife ONCE Niffty- hey- NO- don’t leave it inside-”

Angel Dust: “That’s what-”

Husk: “Will be on your gravestone if she fucking hears you.”

Charlie: “Awww~ Now they’re adorable AND delicious!”

Husk: “Don’t.”

Angel Dust: “I didn’t say nothin’!”

Vaggie: “I actually kinda wish you’d go back to sex jokes instead of whatever you’re doing to that cupcake”

Angel Dust: “There’s more than one kind of oral performance in the world~”

Vaggie: “Say that and then look at what Niffty’s doing to her cupcake.”

Husk: “Unholy fucking shit!!”

Niffty: (GLEEFUL CACKLING)

Charlie: “Okay well, we clearly each have our own… unique ways of enjoying these cupcakes. Some more uh, graphic and concerning than others-”

Angel Dust: “Why the fuck are the insides RED like that?! Who put in red dye???”

Charlie: “-but the point is we all came together to make these sweets! Which. Taste like strawberries?”

Vaggie: “I didn’t buy strawberries.”

Charlie: “A-at least it and the redness go with the rose themed toppers!”

Angel Dust: “Yeah, I mean, is it weird that out of this whole maybe-living cupcake thing, the professional spun sugar parts are the ones with the funkiest taste to ‘em?”

Vaggie: “….”

Vaggie: “Alastor. Where the fuck did you buy the rose themed cupcake toppers.”

Alastor: “Hmm? Does my private, SOLITARY shopping FINALLY interest you?”

Vaggie: “Where you literally on the other side of Pentagram City from me.”

Alastor: “I do believe that is what you requested, and I, being a proper gentleman even to someone who might be considered a less than proper lady, was only too happy to oblige!”

Charlie: “Vaggie are you okay? You’re looking kinda pale.”

Vaggie: “I’m.”

Vaggie: “Alastor did you get these rose themed toppers-"

Vaggie: "-in Cannibal Town?”

Angel Dust: “WHAT THE FUCK!?”

Alastor: “I did.”

Angel Dust: “FUCK!!!”

Husk: (hairball noise)

Charlie: “Oh no.”

Alastor: “Dear Rosie gave me quite the discount. Wasn’t that sweet of her?”

Charlie: “Oh. Nooooooooo-”

Alastor: “I think it utterly darling of her~”

Niffty: “Alastor, hey hey!”

Alastor: “Yes, murder of my eye?”

Niffty: “I stabbed my cupcake topper heheheh WHO did I just stab????”

Charlie: “NOOOOOO-”

Alastor: “I believe it was an unsatisfactory husband by the name of Bill.”

Niffty: (grinning) “A BAD boy?”

Alastor: “Not bad enough to escape Rosie’s Emporium intact but yes, in a manner of speaking.”

Niffty: “Oooh.”

Niffty: (snatches up another cupcake and hugs it) “For my collection.”

Charlie: “GAAAHM NOT HEARING THIS! I DIDN’T HEAR IT!”

Angel Dust: “GREAT CAN YA MAKE IT SO’S I DIDN’T EAT ANY OF IT EITHER!??!”

Alastor: “Not to your tastes, Angel Dust? And here I though you enjoyed have strange men in your mouth.”

Charlie: “DO WE KNOW HIS ADDRESS SO I CAN SEND AN APOLOGY LETTER???”

Alastor: “I suppose his business card might still be in the hand Rose tore off him-”

Charlie: “AAAAAGH!”

Vaggie: “Hostia. You really can’t not be the center of attention for five minutes can you.”

Alastor: “I can, truly I can and very happily! It seems however that YOU cannot withstand the consequences of your own, short-sighted actions.”

Charlie: “Um guys-”

Vaggie: “Oh yeah? You’re not the only monster here, dumbass.”

Charlie: “We’re getting a little off topic-”

Alastor: "But as I am the only one not mired in glorious self-pity, certainly I am the most impressive specimen here.”

Charlie: “Okay this is going a bit-”

Vaggie: “Impressive HA! Fuck your empty grin and your stupid suits. You’re not even the one with the highest body count.”

Angel Dust: “Are we talkin’ sex stuff orrr-?”

Vaggie: (takes topper off her cupcake and pops it in her mouth)

Hotel Crew: “………”

Vaggie: “What?”

Charlie: “Vaggie, um. Person.” (points) “Person food.”

Vaggie: “Sweetie, you know how murder crazy exorcist are. You really never thought we didn’t lick a little blood off our weapons now and then, to feel extra badass about slaughtering people sometimes?”

Charlie: (dazed) “I’m thinking about it now.” (covers cheeks)

Niffty: “BLOOD!”

Angel Dust: “Oh ew. Oh you're getting off on that- Oh that’s just-”

Charlie: “Part of her past, a thing EVERYONE has.”

Angel Dust: “BLEH.”

Husk: “Also step one to seeing her shitfaced.”

Charlie: “Ha haaa…” (claps hands) “Okay everyone- that’s a wrap on today’s bonding activities! I uh, I think we can save the clean up until we’ve all recovered from the actual cupcakes a bit, right Vaggie?”

Vaggie: (shrug) “Whatever.”

Husk: “About damn time.” (sighs) (walks out) “I’ll get the fucking vodka.”

Niffty: "HEE HEE." (carrying cupcake over her head) "TO THE COLLECTION!"

Angel Dust: “Hold up baby! I wanna get shitfaced too after this!”

Charlie: “Well I think it’s all very interesting! Angel stuff is interesting, isn’t it Alastor?”

Alastor: “Yes. Quite.”

Vaggie: “Uh-huh.” (slumps and drops cupcake) “Bill tastes boring as hell, by the way, maybe let Rosie know before she sells anymore of these.”

Charlie: “Oh? Maybe THAT’S why she gave such a steep discount?”

Alastor: “Perhaps.”

Charlie: “Awww cheer up Alastor. You can bring her some of our cupcakes as a thank you, now that we uh, we’ve um, had our fill of them already.”

Alastor: “Hmph.”

Vaggie: “Think I’ll head up now.”

Alastor: “While grabbing a drink along way, hmm?”

Vaggie: “Yeah. Why not.”

Charlie: “Vaggie-” (catches her hand) (squeezes) “-grab one for me, too? I’ll be right behind you.”

Vaggie: “…wine from the cellar then, huh?”

Charlie: “I’m having whatever you’re having.”

Vaggie: “Sweetie, you hate the shit I drink.” (small smile) “I’ll get us something from the cellar. Meet you up there.”

Charlie: “In a heartbeat.”

Charlie: “….”

Charlie: “Alastor.”

Alastor: “Oh don’t scold me for her baggage, dear, I don’t make her carry it.”

Charlie: “I’m not scolding. I just- I get that you have this whole-” (air quotes) “-annoying big brother who hates being ignored thing going on with Vaggie, and while it IS kinda sweet-”

Alastor: (microphone feedback) “Excuse me?”

Charlie: “Could you turn it down a tiny bit when it comes the exorcist stuff?”

Alastor: “I do not-”

Charlie: “I know I know you don’t mean to make her all droopy like this, it’s boring for you, totally a killjoy-”

Alastor: “There is NOTHING enjoyable about that woman!”

Charlie: “-So maaaaaaybe back off a little when things get too serious?”

Alastor: “NO!”

Charlie: “Think about it okay?” (pats his shoulder) “Anyway, thanks for sticking around for the friendship cupcakes, see you at the next hotel bonding session, Dadastor!”

Alastor: “At the next-”

Alastor: “………”

Alastor: (hissing) “DADastor!?”

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggie #alastor the radio demon #angel dust hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #niffty hazbin hotel #incorrect quotes #WHATEVER WHATEVER #it just happened whatever setting it free #do not know enough about baking to show it going wrong #/have/ made breathing cupcakes before

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anonymousewrites · 2 months

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Nature of the Human Soul (Book 1) Chapter Two

Platonic! Hazbin Hotel x Teen! Reader

Father Figure! Alastor x Teen! Reader

Chapter Two: Commercial Problems

Summary: While Charlie goes to speak to Heaven, the hotel tries to put together a proper TV advertisement (with many interruptions)

(Y/N) had decided they didn’t like the extermination. The screams, the explosions, the angels—it was frustrating. Luckily, in the Hotel, they were removed from the killing and could just sit and wait for things to finish. However, Alastor had gathered everyone together to “show them something” (which, as everyone had learned already, meant everyone was about to be made fun of).

Alastor switched on the old-timey TV he had permitted in the hotel, and it turned on to reveal an…ad?

“Well, hello there you wayward sinner!” said Alastor’s voice as it displayed him pointing at two fighting demons. “Do you like bloody, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do, that’s why you’re in Hell!” The camera zoomed out to reveal a destroyed quarter of Hell. “But what would you say if there was a place to stay that had none of that?” The camera switched to the hotel. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer’s delusional daughter!”

The camera faced Charlie, and she waved hesitantly. “Charlotte Morningstar! Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you! Here, we offer fun things! Such as a somewhat functional staff, and twenty-four-hour pest control! Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversations with our only two guests!” The camera faced Angel and (Y/N). Angel gave the middle finger, and (Y/N) narrowed their eyes, knowing something was up. “Wow! All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!”

The video ended, and everyone stared while Alastor perked up, proud of himself.

“So, what’d ya think?” he said.

“I’m sorry, what the fuck was that?” said Vaggie angrily.

“Uh, yeah, one note…” said Charlie awkwardly. “Alastor, I mean—First off, thank you so much for making this, it’s seriously amazing—but, um, maybe the tone is a bit off?” Alastor’s grin just darkened. “We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um…”

“Fucking depressing,” suggested (Y/N).

“Funny. I was going for hilarious!” said Alastor.

Vaggie narrowed her eyes. “It didn’t explain anything about how we’re trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.”

“Vaggie is right, Alastor,” said Charlie. “The commercial was to let Sinners know we are trying to help them!”

“Well, my dear, I haven’t been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show!” Alastor’s grin widened. “The proper medium to express oneself. But you insist on this: a noisy picture box advertisement. So I had a little fun with it.”

“Oh, fun. You had a little fun with it?” said Vaggie. She crossed her arms. “Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you’re mocking us! Nobody’s going to want to come to a place that a powerful Overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.”

Angel raised his hand.

“What?” said Vaggie.

“If ya filmin’ a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?” said Angel, posing.

“Ew,” said (Y/N), and Angel stuck out his tongue at them. Neither took it to heart. (Y/N) liked being able to speak their mind in Hell, and Angel would just give an equally witty retort when they did, so they both thrived in conversation.

“Angel, you’re a porn star,” said Vaggie.

“A famous porn star,” said Angel. “I’ll have the horniest sinners knockin’ these walls down to get in.”

“I would really prefer not to have perverts in the hotel,” said (Y/N), making a face.

“Yeah, no!” said Vaggie. “Not only do we have a kid here, but filming porn as the commercial is completely out of the question!”

“Sex sells,” said Angel. “I swear, if you film me goin’ at it with Mr. Fancy-Talk-Creepy-Voice here, you’d be rollin’ in participants willin’ to stay at the tacky hotel.”

Alastor looked unimpressed. “Haha! Never going to happen. Besides, like Vagatha said, we couldn’t create such an environment for an impressionable child. What would Charlie think?”

“Yeah, it sounds like a bad idea…” said Charlie, looking at (Y/N).

“Is everyone choosing to ignore the fact I killed people?” said (Y/N).

“Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don’t want to exploit you in that way,” said Charlie, smiling.

“Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited,” said Angel. “I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs, I got the lung capacity, I got the legs, the gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits—”

“Should I just say ‘ew’ after everything you say to get you to stop?” said (Y/N).

“Won’t stop me!” declared Angel.

Charlie’s phone went off, and she hurriedly picked it up. “Uh, hold that thought. I’ll be right back!” She walked off to answer.

“Hey, I have a question,” said Angel. He looked at Alastor. “If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can’t he just make people stay here?”

Alastor laughed. “Oh, trust me. I can.”

“Why do you think I’m here?” said Husk. “You actually think I’d be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn’t forcin’ me?”

“What, you don’t love being here with me, Whiskers?” teased Angel.

“Call me ‘Whiskers’ again, and I’ll jam that bottle down your throat,” threatened Husk.

“Kinky! Come on, keep talkin’ dirty!” said Angel.

“Until you let me have a drink, I’m not happy you’re here,” muttered (Y/N), glaring at Husk.

“Princess over there says no, so no,” said Husk.

“What the fuck is the point of being in Hell if I don’t get to do anything fun?” grumbled (Y/N).

“I agree! Why not let the child have a good time? That’s what the hotel is for,” said Alastor.

“See? He agrees,” said (Y/N), gesturing to Alastor.

“That is a terrible argument,” said Vaggie. “He just wants you to get into trouble!”

“I’m in Hell. What more could I do without making a deal with someone, which I’m not doing?” said (Y/N).

“Indeed,” said Alastor, nodding. “Why not enjoy some entertainment and enjoy oneself?”

“Stop it,” hissed Vaggie. “This is supposed to be about rehabilitation and redemption, people choosing to stay here.”

“I’m choosing to stay here, and I think it’s all stupid,” said Angel. “We’re in Hell, toots. That’s kind of the end of the road, ain’t it?”

“Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be,” said Vaggie. “Just because nobody has made it out before doesn’t mean it’s not possible.”

“Hey, whatever means I can keep crashin’ here rent-free,” said Angel. “Crack is expensive.”

“Haha! Yes!” cheered Charlie, bounding back into the room. “Vaggie! Holy shit!”

“What?” asked Vaggie.

Charlie gestured for her to come over, and Vaggie smiled fondly at her girlfriend before walking over. (Y/N) and Angel exchanged inquisitive looks. A moment later, Charlie slipped into song, which meant she was super excited.

(Charlie) “I can do this, Somehow, I know it, I’ll get Heaven behind my plan!”

So she’s meeting with Heaven? thought (Y/N).

“Charlie, hold on,” said Vaggie nervously.

(Charlie) “There’s just no way I could blow it! Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance.”

“It’s just a meeting,” said Vaggie.

(Charlie) “To change their minds, And touch their hearts, Or whatever angels have.”

“This could be bad,” said Vaggie.

(Charlie) “Cheer up, Vaggie! This could be swell! Something tells me that today will be a happy day, In Hell!”

“Okay, but just…don’t sing to them,” advised Vaggie.

“She’s gone,” said (Y/N).

“That bitch is halfway down the street,” laughed Angel as everyone looked out the door to watch Charlie go.

“Is she—”

“She’s dancing, yeah,” confirmed (Y/N).

Vaggie groaned. “Ugh, no.”

“Is this going to go badly?” asked (Y/N).

“It might go alright,” said Vaggie optimistically.

“It’s going to be an absolute travesty,” said Alastor brightly.

“In an entertaining way or in the way that we’re going to end up in trouble?” said (Y/N).

“Both, hopefully!” said Alastor, looking forward for his own amusement.

Vaggie groaned and put her head in her hands.

“Well, I’m gonna go out and find something actually fun to do!” chirped Angel.

“No, nope, nobody’s going anywhere!” said Vaggie. “We’re all sitting down and making a proper commercial that actually helps the hotel!”

“Uh-oh, does that mean you expect me to be involved?” said (Y/N).

“Yes,” said Vaggie.

“I hate being told what to do,” said (Y/N).

“Tough shit,” said Vaggie.

“Okay, so Charlie is dealing with something very important,” said Vaggie once she had cornered everyone in one room. “So while she’s gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents her vision and what we’re doing here. So, we need a camera. Alastor?”

He snapped his finger, and an old-fashioned photographic camera appeared.

Vaggie deadpanned. “A video camera.”

“Hm.” Alastor was unimpressed with the idea, but he snapped his fingers nonetheless and let a video camera appear.

“Alright, let’s do this!” said Vaggie.

First up was a scene with Husk and Angel.

“And…action!” said Vaggie, pointing the camera at them.

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel,” said Husk, reading from the script. “Can I help you with anything?”

“I’ve been a bad boy,” said Angel. “And I need a big strong daddy to put me in my place! On the path to redemption!”

“Well, you’ve come—”

“Oh, yes!” Angel cut off Husk.

“To the right place,” finished Husk, rolling his eyes.

“Cut,” said Vaggie, sighing. “Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny, if possible. And Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face?”

“I ain’t no actor!” said Husk. “I can’t memorize this shit!”

“Well, we could always improv this shit, Baby cakes,” purred Angel.

Husk shoved him off the counter.

Vaggie sighed and looked back at (Y/N) and Alastor.

“This is going great,” said (Y/N) with a grin.

“Oh, yes, splendidly!” said Alastor.

Vaggie growled and was tempted to grab her spear as she was faced with shit-eating grins.

Next was Niffty’s scene, but she was more interested in stabbing insects than she was the camera.

“Stab, stab, stab!” said Niffty.

“Alright, Niffty! Niffty!” said Vaggie, catching her attention. “Your line is ‘We have the cleanest rooms.’ Okay?”

“Got it! I’m ready!” said Niffty.

“Action.” Vaggie turned on the camera.

Niffty’s smile fell, and she stared, wide-eyed, at the camera.

“Uh…cut,” said Vaggie, slightly unnerved.

“How was that?” said Niffty, smiling.

“Well, Niffty, you actually have to say the line. Let’s roll again,” said Vaggie.

“Okay!” said Niffty.

“Action,” said Vaggie.

Niffty once again just stared, empty-eyed.

“You’re doing great, Vagina,” whispered Angel.

“Cut!” shouted Vaggie. “Alright, um, maybe we can try to fix it in post.”

“Do you even know what that means?” teased Angel.

“I’ll figure it out!” snapped Vaggie. “(Y/N), Alastor, you’re up.”

“No, I don’t get on camera,” said Alastor, dismissing the word “camera” distastefully.

“I don’t want any attention,” said (Y/N), crossing their arms. They really weren’t a fan of having people stare at them, and a commercial would do that, especially for something as crazy as this.

Vaggie glared. “This is for Charlie.”

Alastor and (Y/N) remained unmoved and crossed their arms.

Vaggie cursed under her breath.

(Y/N) knocked on the door of the room Vaggie was using to rewatch the footage she’d managed to get.

“What?” snapped Vaggie.

“Listen, I don’t want to be on camera,” said (Y/N), holding up their hands. “I really don’t. But if I can help in some other way, I’ll do it.”

Vaggie groaned and put her head on her hands. “I don’t know how you can help. It all sucks.”

“Yes, seems like you’re having a bit of trouble there, hm?” said Alastor, popping out of the shadows.

“Why are you even here?” snapped Vaggie.

“For the entertainment!” said Alastor, shrugging. “I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly!” He beamed at Vaggie. “Like you are doing now! Good job!”

Vaggie narrowed her eyes and pointed the video camera at Alastor. “And here’s Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that—” the camera buzzed with electricity, and Vaggie was forced to drop it as it sparked.

“I wouldn’t try that, my dear,” said Alastor. “This face was made for radio.”

(Y/N)’s eyes widened, and they were struck with Alastor’s intimidating presence once again. Holy hell, they wanted strength like that.

“I don’t care who or what you are!” said Vaggie ferociously. “If you are staying here, you are going to make this work! Because it won’t be so ‘entertaining’ to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?!”

“Fair enough! I’ll tell you what,” said Alastor. “Let’s make a deal.”

Vaggie scoffed. “Do you think I’m that stupid? Making a deal with a demon like you.”

“Not for your soul,” scoffed Alastor. “Just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.”

“You really hate tv,” said (Y/N).

“It’s the worst medium for expressing oneself,” said Alastor distastefully. “So petty and uninspired.”

“That’s all you want?” said Vaggie, furrowing her brow.

“That, or Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing,” said Alastor brightly. “Your choice.”

Vaggie sighed. “Fine.” She put the broken camera in Alastor’s hand, and it disappeared.

Green light surrounded him, and he snapped his fingers. “Now, then!”

Everyone appeared in the room and got 1920s themed outfits, and a camera crew of shadows appeared ready to serve.

Vaggie smiled. “Alright, everyone! Let’s make a fucking commercial!”

(Y/N) took a careful step back while Vaggie grabbed the others to film.

“Still not interested?” said Alastor, amused.

“I don’t want to be on camera,” said (Y/N), making a face and shaking their head.

“What do you think of radio?” said Alastor.

(Y/N) shrugged. “Better than podcasts.”

Alastor’s grin widened, and he nodded in satisfaction. That was the correct answer.

“Charlie!” Vaggie hugged her girlfriend as she finally returned to the hotel. “How’d it go? Did they listen?”

“Oh, uh, they sure did hear it! But, uh…” Charlie trailed off nervously.

“Oh, come here! We have something exciting to show you!” said Vaggie. “Alastor pulled some strings, and it’s about to air!”

“I pulled a few limbs, too!” laughed Alastor. (Y/N) snickered.

“Wait? The commercial?” said Charlie, eyes widening. “You all made a new one?”

“Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do say so myself,” said Angel proudly.

“That’s…that’s amazing!” Charlie’s eyes shone with emotion.

“Shush, it’s starting!” said Angel.

The TV showed them in their outfits. ((Y/N) had contributed by filming). “Welcome to the Hazbin Ho—”

Vaggie’s lines were cut off as the TV switched to a “Breaking News” sign, and the residents and staff of Hazbin Hotel grumbled.

“Breaking news in Hell today!” said Katie Killjoy as she came onscreen. “We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?”

“No, what does it mean, Katie?” asked Tom Trench.

“It means we are all royally fucked,” cursed Katie.

The camera switched to the countdown clock as it cut in half to 176 days.

“Wait…what?! Why?!” cried Angel.

“Holy shit,” said (Y/N), eyes widening. Their situation had just gotten worse. They were in more danger.

And they still had no way to defend themself.

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