Summer and Sol reading some comics they scavenged together!

[Summer belongs to @bluepriestess!]

Joining His Pack: Trials

Description: Sanctuary Series: Joining His Pack. Things have been crazy since you fell ill, and there isn’t really an end in sight.

Warnings:

Posted: 05/12/2020

Tags:  Hybrid Namjoon, Wolf Hybrid Namjoon, Wolf Hybrid Reader

Angst/Fluff: 2,845 words

A/N: Only one part left after this one!

You looked around with wide eyes, wrapped in a thicker coat than would normally be necessary for this time in May. But ever since your mini-heat reaction to the suppressants—which just meant you’d have a bigger one in a few months, that’s how you always reacted—you’d been a little temperature sensitive. You walked around Namjoon’s apartment wrapped up in blankets, and wore lots of sweaters and all of his sweatshirts (he didn’t seem to mind).

But you were starting to get better, finally. And court dates had been set.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Namjoon replied, grinning.

You huffed and leaned back.

He turned down a gravel drive.

You sat up straighter, frowning slightly, until finally a house came into view.

Your house.

Your den.

Home.

You looked at him excitedly. “Is it...?”

“It’s ours, baby. We closed the day after you were discharged, but I wanted to get the windows in before I brought you.” He parked, and turned to grin at you.

You’d still been out of it when discharged, but it wasn’t anything that the doctors were concerned about. Just more side effects from the suppressants, but it had kept you mostly bedridden and groggy and not too aware of the passing of time. The pack had been visiting to keep you company while he was at work and whatnot, especially the pack pups because they helped give you more clarity throughout the day. Plus, who wouldn’t want to cuddle pups?

But this was exciting. This explained why the past couple of days you couldn’t find things that you swore you knew the locations of. This explained why he didn’t want you going to your place to get things.

“We’ve got it fixed up enough to live in, not perfect, but enough. Enough for us to be comfortable. And we moved your stuff in already. My family has been sneaking stuff out of my place all week.” He looked pretty proud of having surprised you with this.

You squealed and threw yourself across the console to kiss him. “This is the best surprise ever. I love you. I love you. I love you.” You peppered his face with kisses, ignoring his embarrassed laughter and finishing with a quick peck on his lips before you hurried out of the car to take in the sight of your house.

Even though he said they’d only done a few things, you could tell it had to be more than that. The windows looked completely replaced, the siding looked like it had a fresh coat of paint, and the porch had temporary supports. Everything looked cleaner, and the garden beds had been cleared of weeds and carefully planted.

“You happy?” He asked softly, wrapping his arms around you.

“Aren’t you?”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “I’d carry you over the threshold, but—”

“You’ll do nothing of the sort. You already re-injured yourself while taking care of me during that mess, I’m not risking your well-being now.” You hit him lightly, then bounced. “Let’s go in!”

He laughed and took your hand, leading you up the porch and to the (brand new) front door, unlocking it and letting you enter first.

You looked around, breathing in air that smelt slightly of your pack, slightly of cleaners like pine-sol, and fresh air. Then lilac, from the bouquet of lilacs on the fireplace mantle. “Just enough to live in, huh?”

He was quiet, and when you looked back, he looked just as shocked at the sight of new flooring, and freshly painted walls. “I…they…must have worked on it more since last time.”

You grinned and wrapped your arms around his waist to just take it all in for a moment before gasping and rushing through to see the kitchen again.

The thorough cleaning made your adorable kitchen even better. They’d replaced the dingy light-fixture with a new one, which was really nice because if you remembered correctly it didn’t even make it to the counter below it.

And the master bedroom had a bed in it—that you promptly flopped on—and the room smelled like you and Namjoon, with subtle undertones of the pack (especially the littlest two of the pack pups, which you figured wasn’t too surprising since this blanket was the softest one you owned.

“Happy?”

“Ecstatic,” You exclaimed into the bedding, breathing in his scent. The way it mixed with yours. The slightly milky smell of pups.

He flopped down next to you.

“But…what are you going to do about your apartment?”

“Oh, well, Jimin’s landlord actually is a jerk and he tried to rip them off, so they’re going to move in there for now. Save up for a place they actually want for a while, and then Yoongi’s said he wants it if he can manage to get a transfer.”

You made a happy sound, and wiggled closer, resting your head on his arm. “So, are we sleeping here?”

He nodded. “If that’s okay with you?”

You nodded. “Do we have clothes here?”

“You definitely do. I’ve got some clothes here. Enough to supply me for work for the next few days.” He sighed as he relaxed. “But I can also stop by after work tomorrow and get more of our stuff.”

“You’re sure they’re okay with you missing as much work as you have?” You asked quietly, resting a hand on his chest.

“They understand, and I’ve been working from home most days where I couldn’t leave you, so I’m not exactly behind. Actually, they seemed pretty happy to let me have Tuesday off because apparently I’m ahead of everyone.” He stretched, making your head drop to the bed.

You sighed, pouting slightly at the loss of your pillow before rolling back to your feet and bouncing out to the kitchen. “Do we have food here?”

“Knowing my family? Probably.”

You opened the fridge and freezer simultaneously and grinned. “Your pack is the best.”

“They’re your pack too, baby.”

“Not yet.”

“You know I couldn’t mate you while you were sick,” He called softly.

“I know. And I do consider them my pack, but it’s still more natural to call them your pack. Oooh! Ice cream!” You grabbed the container and hugged it briefly before putting it back. “So, I was thinking.”

“Uh oh.” He came in and leaned against the counter while watching you pull out one of the dishes someone left for you two.

“Preheat the oven? 375,” You told him, reading the instructions. “Anyway, Ariel mentioned that her one friend just started her own little shop where she sells jams, preserves, candies, and ice-creams and that she was looking for someone to help for the summer. Maybe I could see if she would hire me?”

“Are you sure?”

“I mean, I’m basically fired from the clothing shop, and even if it is just for the summer, it would still be some little bit of income. Enough to help us with groceries, because lets face it, we eat a lot of meat.” You went to him and kissed him gently. “Besides, how crazy do you think I would go without something to occupy my time? I mean, we’re going to have some gardens and I really do want to work on our Christmas trees, but it’s going to take some time.”

He was smiling down at you softly, and his fingers gently brushed your cheek. “This is the most rational you’ve sounded in a while, baby. It’s nice to hear.”

You hugged him. “Sorry I’ve been such a mess.”

He chuckled. “Hey, you put up with the messes I make.” Then he kissed the top of your head. “You’re my little wolf. I would cross the world for you. I can handle a little messiness.”

You relaxed, breathing him in until the oven beeped to let you both know that it had finished preheating.

He put the dish in the oven while you set a timer and got out the strawberries and started washing them.

“But the store thing, good idea or not?”

“As long as it doesn’t become too stressful for you, baby, I think you should try for it. After we settle all of this legal stuff.” He took a strawberry and popped it into his mouth.

“I didn’t take the stems off,” You said, staring at him in surprise. “I mean, they’re edible...but probably pretty bitter.”

He nodded, turning away to pull the stem from his mouth.

You smiled at your mess of a mate. “My dorky baby.”

He chuckled, looking slightly embarrassed.

“Hungry, honey bunch?” You asked, wrapping your arms around his waist. “You ready to eat?”

“Isn’t that why you’re washing the strawberries?” He countered, but he was still flustered as you pressed flirty little kisses to his neck. His hands found your waist.

“Mmhmm,” You agreed, on your toes to nibble on his ear.

“Babe…you’re still recovering.”

You nodded, humming agreement before sliding your hands over his torso and promptly turning away and running with the bowl of strawberries. “Mine!”

He sputtered, then laughed and chased after you, catching your waist and then pulling you to sit down beside him on the couch. Then he stole a berry and took a bite.

You giggled and took your own berry, looking around the room. “This is a nice couch.”

“We needed a second for this room, especially if we’re going to have family visiting. Micheal said he’d get our furniture moved this weekend. He’s got a couple of guys he needs to train, and Becca’s going to oversee it all for us. But I thought it’d be best if we weren’t around. Don’t want to wolf out on them.”

“Maybe we should go visit Yoongi and Taehyung,” You said between bites.

He smiled. “I’ll see if they’re free. We’ll have to take Eunyeong something.”

“Of course, she’s the cutest kitten and deserves all the love,” You chirped, snuggling up to him. “But maybe don’t check until after the meeting with the lawyers and the court stuff on Tuesday.”

He nodded, smile fading. “Yeah. Probably a good idea. Might want to stay home. Near the majority of the pack.”

“In which case we’re going to Emma’s and cuddling the twins.”

He nodded again, but looked distracted.

You watched him, just admiring his face while also trying to guess what he was thinking. “Are you worried about Tuesday?”

He took a deep breath and held your hand. “The last time anyone I loved was part of a court case…it was Emma. And it ended in this town giving the rights back to hybrids. Jin was the only one that went with her, he was certified as an aide-hybrid. Not because Emma really needed him, I mean, she did, but mostly because she wanted to give him as much freedom as she could. Yoongi-hyung and I were watching…but Hoseok, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung couldn’t sit and listen. It was taking too long and some of it hit too close to home. They were outside, working in the garden just to avoid it.”

“I remember,” You whispered, squeezing his hand.

He squeezed it back. “That day changed our lives and…whatever the outcome on Tuesday…that will change both of our lives. Again. And I’m hoping for the better, I do trust these people. But…if we lose…I think I’ll lose more than I would have if we lost that day.”

You hummed. “You’re going to have to be on your best behavior.”

He nodded, but he didn’t seem very confident.

“But Namjoon, I think…I think you might need to stay away. Other than when you’re called upon. This is going to be…bad. It’s going to be really bad. And if either of us misbehaves we risk everything.”

He sighed, eyes closing and holding you tighter. “I know.”

“Maybe they can arrange for a separate room for you to watch in?”

“Maybe, I’ll ask Emma later.” He sounded a little relieved, and managed to relax a little as you snuggled in, scenting him a little.

You sighed softly, enjoying this moment, just in case.

His fingers lightly caressed your hair.

You frowned. “The fireplace mantle is crooked.”

He started laughing. “House still needs some improvements, baby.”

“But how is the mantle crooked!”

————

“They can’t prove it!”

“Neither can we,” The lawyer said calmly. “We can deny any false evidence they bring forward and hope our true does as well. We can only hope that the judge is as upstanding as they say and that the jury can see past the falsehoods created by the opposition.”

Emma huffed and sat down again, crossing her arms and thinking.

Jin calmly rubbed her back. “Y/n, is there any sort of concrete evidence you can provide?”

“Bank statements and pay stubs, which would show that I didn’t have any money other than what I was paid when I opened the account, and that she wasn’t originally on my account. The rental agreement with the Sanctuary. That’s about it,” You answered quietly.

Namjoon looked up. “All of these are trumped up charges. Theft? Assault? Public indecency? Disturbing the peace? Prostitution?!” He stood and went to the window, obviously angry.

“These papers will help disprove many of those charges. However, the one I’m most concerned with is the assault charge. We’re countering their charges with our own charge of defamation and wrongful arrest, but the case for the assault is fairly solid.”

“How so?” Emma asked, sounding tired.

“They have medical records from injuries incurred by here—or so they’re claiming. And they have a video of her attacking someone.”

You frowned.

“What?” Namjoon growled.

“Y/n, I need you to tell me right now, have you ever stabbed anyone in the leg?” The lawyer asked.

“No, I threatened to, but only because he was was being an asshole. I never did it and I left to make sure it would never happen.”

“And this video of you punching a security guard at the Sanctuary.”

Namjoon growled. “He understood. They’re twisting the situation.”

“Which security guard was it?” Emma asked.

“Yugyeom,” You answered. “And I gave him cookies to make up for it.”

Jin nodded and pulled out his phone.

Emma rolled her eyes. “He probably deserved it. But we can get him here and have him testify. I’m sure JB and Mark will sign off on that.”

“Is he still under their guardianship?” Namjoon asked.

Emma nodded. “All of them are, technically. But since they’re close it’s not an issue. It just means that they’ve got a safety net. Same as you all, we freed you but we also adopted you as our children.”

Micheal nodded. “They’re more like brothers so they didn’t want to go that route.”

Jin was talking lowly and you were grateful you couldn’t hear the conversation. You were stressed enough.

Emma quietly took your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Alright, he’s on his way.”

The lawyer nodded. “I’ll go notify them that I have another witness.” He gathered his things and walked off, signaling Micheal to walk with him.

Namjoon was taking slow, deep breaths. “I hate this.”

You closed your eyes.

“I know,” Emma said softly, lightly smoothing your hair. “I know you’re both frustrated. I am too. But we’re going to take care of this, even if it takes us more time than we originally thought.”

Jin was watching Namjoon. “Sit down, Namjoon,” He ordered, a slight edge to his voice.

Namjoon did as told, only hesitating for a second before complying with the pack leader’s order.

“You’re making me anxious just watching you,” Jin explained, sounding relieved now that Namjoon was sitting. “Emma, why don’t you stay back here with Namjoon and I’ll go back out.”

She nodded. “I’m going to call and check on the kids.”

He pecked her on the lips, then met your gaze. “It’s about time to head back.”

You nodded, getting up with extreme reluctance and nuzzling Namjoon’s head before following Jin out.

Jin waited until you both were out of earshot before pausing, turning to you. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay. You have every right to be more frustrated and upset than any of us.”

You sighed, looking at the ground. “I just want to go home. We thought this would all be settled on Tuesday. Last Tuesday.”

He reached over and adjusted your scarf—bathed in the scent of your mate to help keep you calm—then rested his hands on your shoulders. “I know it’s asking a lot, but please try to bear with us for another hour. Okay?”

You nodded, feeling safe at the very least with your pack leader looking out for you.

“But if they try to take you anywhere, you get over that barrier and behind me. They can’t legally take you anywhere, okay?”

You closed your eyes and nodded. “Okay.”

“Hey, court’s in session,” Micheal called.

You followed them back to the court, awaiting your fate.

——

Previous Part.   Next Part.

Masterlist.  Series Masterpost.

Whatever It Takes - Chapter 18

Summary - Y/N has moved to Seoul and landed a job working at the company that her godmother Kay composes for. Four months after her heart was broken, she’s left to figure out how to be away from her widowed father for the first time in her life. Genre - Angst/Angst/Angst/Angst Members - Jimin (other members mentioned) - specifically Hobi and Namjoon, A/N - Help me, i cannot stop writing angst. This story has become a complete shit show. I had it all planned out, but as I’m writing my brain is just like, ‘yo, FUCK. SHIT. UP.’ or like, ‘RUIN LIVES, BREAK HEARTS. MAKE EVERYONE CRY INCLUDING YOURSELF.’ So now i don’t know what i’m gonna do with it, but hey, enjoy the ride, and also enjoy that this is MY LONGEST CHAPTER YET. 6,500 words. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Bye.  ----- The next 2-3 weeks passed with much of the same. Jimin said just enough to me to not cause suspicion that there was something going on between us, and he continued to be best buddies with Areum and Bora, the four of them (including Seong-hyun and occasionally Tae) seeming to prefer each-others company more than anyone else’s, and I became increasingly closer to Namjoon and Hoeseok. We were at the end of September and the MAMA’s was the upcoming weekend. The boys were all extremely excited for the event and I was excited to explore Hong Kong. I was sitting on the edge of Namjoon’s bed with Hobi, waiting for him to pick out an outfit so that we could go sightseeing, when someone knocked at the door. I stood up and opened it, revealing Jimin. He seemed relatively surprised to see me, despite the fact that Namjoon, Hobi and I had spent a majority of our time together over the past few weeks, whilst Jimin ‘’worked out his problems.” He recovered quickly and smiled saying “I didn’t expect to see you here” as I stood aside to allow him entrance to the room. I shrugged as he went by and answered, “well, here I am” before rolling my eyes and closing the door. He walked into the room and took my place on the bed, which irked me for some reason, so I remained standing and folded my arms across my chest, leaning against the wall. Jimin glanced up at my defensive stance and frowned slightly, before looking up at Namjoon who was holding a black sweater against himself and checking out his reflection. “I heard you guys were going to go explore the city, so I came to see if I could gate-crash” Namjoon nodded, not turning away from the mirror. “Sure! The more the merrier. Y/N has been pestering us since we arrived about going to see Hong Kong so we decided to take her just to shut her up. You’re more than welcome to join.” Hobi started laughing and I playfully kicked his foot from where I stood. Jimin observed the whole exchange with a sour expression, before replying “cool, I’ll invite the others too then shall I?” He looked at me after he asked this question, and although I couldn’t have imagined anything worse than spending my day with Bora and Areum, I nodded and smiled brightly. “Of course, like Namjoon said, the more the merrier!” Jimin nodded curtly and pulled out his phone to text his new besties, it took everything in me not to roll my eyes a second time. Namjoon went into the bathroom to get changed and when he came out he handed me his phone which I promptly unlocked, knowing without him saying anything that he wanted me to take his ‘#kimdaily’ photos. As Namjoon put on his mask and pulled his cap over his head, Jimin asked “you know his password now huh?” I turned to him and his smile was friendly enough, but I could tell by the tone that his emotions didn’t match his expression. Instead of rising to what could potentially become an argument, I just smiled and nodded and turned back to Namjoon.“Ready?” He nodded and stood with his back against the plain wall, I lowered myself into a crouch and began snapping away. “We should totally take some in the city, I bet we could get a ton of really cool shots” I said as I handed Namjoon his phone back. He nodded in approval and swung his arm over my shoulder – “can I hire you as the official Kim Daily photographer?” He asked, and I laughed in return. Jimin’s expression was growing darker by the minute, but I couldn’t find it in me to feel bad. He had alienated himself from me. He’d had more than enough time to process what had happened with his parents now and he was still treating me like a stranger. The only reason I was still on the tour was because Namjoon and Hobi had convinced me not to leave and to give Jimin time. It felt as though he wasn’t even my boyfriend anymore. We met the rest of the group in the lobby and left to go wander around the city. By the time we decided to stop for lunch at around mid-day, I was in great spirits. The group had virtually split into 3 smaller clusters of people. I was having a blast with Hobi and Namjoon and although the mild sense of anxiety that had been following me like a dark cloud since the meal at Jimin’s parents still lingered, it was much easier to push aside. We were seated at the restaurant and I was surprised when Jimin opted to sit opposite me when there was a space free next to Seong-hyun and opposite Areum. Maybe he was finally starting to come round. Namjoon sat to my left and Hobi sat opposite him, on Jimin’s left. The conversation flowed easily and although Jimin was relatively quiet throughout, the tension that I’d been feeling around him over the past few weeks was beginning to ease. As I went to take a piece of food from one of the dishes in front of me, Namjoon did the same. We began a chopstick war over one specific dumpling, despite there being four others on the plate. I decided to go for a different one and Namjoon knocked my chopsticks away again. I whined his nickname “Joonie” coined by Hobi and he laughed and moved his chopsticks to allow me to grab a dumpling. I laughed and told him “thank you” in the most dramatic voice I could muster and popped the dumpling on my plate. As I looked up for an accompaniment I locked eyes with Jimin, who was staring intently at me, his expression unreadable. I smiled back and he looked away, before excusing himself to go to the bathroom. The rest of the afternoon was fun, Jimin tagged himself onto our threesome but he didn’t really say too much unless he was spoken to directly. It gave me a weird feeling, it was almost more uncomfortable than him pretending I didn’t exist -  having him there, but not being my Jiminie. We decided to call it a day and head back to the hotel around 6pm. I was absolutely exhausted as a result of all the walking, and declined Hobi’s invite to go hang out in their room for a while. The staff and members were on two separate floors and (although by my third week on the tour it became apparent that nobody would mind if I checked into a separate room) I had opted to stay close to the staff, so I always booked a room on the floor they were on. The management team had often praised me on my ability to blend into the crew completely, even once I started sleeping separately. They also repeatedly made comments about how impressed they were at Jimin and I for keeping our relationships under wraps – a remark which occasionally appealed to my slightly darker sense of humour, given our current situation. I closed my door behind me and plopped down onto my bed, relieved to finally be able to take off my sneakers and massage my tired feet. I looked up at sparkly silver dress hung up on my wardrobe for the MAMA event tomorrow. Most of the staff would be spending a majority of their time backstage, but the management team had a separate table (away from all the celebrities of course) and I had been allocated a seat on there. I was incredibly excited to get dolled up and watch the show. I padded into the bathroom and took a quick shower, opting for an early night. We had to be up super early tomorrow to get to the venue for prep, the boys sound-check slot, and placement confirmation. I was setting an alarm when Jimin’s name flashed across the top of my screen. We’d barely texted over the course of the past two weeks so I couldn’t help the flutter of anticipation I felt as I swiped my thumb across the screen and read the message. “Hey, any chance we can talk this weekend?” I blew out a puff of air and tapped out “sure” as a reply. I thought about asking what about, but I decided to just wait until we got to speak in person. Jimin read the message and didn’t say anything more, so I was glad I hadn’t pushed the subject. The next morning went by in a blur. Everyone was so busy that I’d been recruited to do my fake job, helping the stylists where I could, making sure buttons were sewed on properly and that there’d be no Janet Jackson style fiasco's. There were showers tagged onto most of the green rooms so when all the prep work was done, at around 5pm, the boys were taken away to get dolled up for the red carpet which was set to start at around 6pm, and finish at 8pm. The boys were ready for about 6.30, and they looked incredible. The concept was in line with the entire Blood, Sweat and Tears era and unlike last year, there was not a leather pant in sight. I wished the boys luck as they left to ‘’arrive at the event’’ and went to get ready myself. I’d been briefed on appropriate attire for the occasion, and the day before I was set to go shopping to find a dress, a delivery arrived at the hotel for me from Kay. She’d sent me the most beautiful silver, sequinned dress, with a cowl back and long sleeves, which fell around mid-thigh. I’d called her up ecstatic and she’d been just as happy that I’d liked it. We’d chatted a little and it turned out my dad was in town and had been staying with her, so I got a chance to chat to him too. This made me feel a lot better. I didn’t tell him what was going on with Jimin and I though, choosing instead to talk about how close I’d gotten to Hobi and Namjoon. I sat in the chair after my shower as Dah-sol applied my make-up, I was extremely excited and not even the obvious hostility being shown by Bora and Areum about the fact that I was  getting to attend the event could bring me down. Once Dah-sol was finished I felt like a celebrity myself – she’d gone for a classical 50’s type look, with no eye-shadow, just perfectly winged eyeliner, “natural” false lashes and red lipstick. I was so pleased I jumped up to hug her causing her to giggle. Bora and Areum looked over and the latter scoffed, “Bit plain for an awards ceremony, isn’t it?” Dah-sol rounded on the two girls and told them straight. “Please stop being bitter about Y/N getting to attend the show. It’s really not a good look on you.” The demon stylists looked appalled but didn’t dare respond, and Seong-hyun laughed loudly and clapped Dah-sol on the back, causing the pretty, petite make-up artist to smile. He added, “yeah, and don’t forget, Y/N isn’t here as staff, she’s Jimin’s girlfriend! Of course she’d get to attend!” The two girls rolled their eyes and took a seat and I went and changed into my dress, grateful to my friends for defending me, but feeling slightly uncomfortable. About 10 minutes later, one of the managers came in to get me. We weaved through the crowds backstage and made our way out to the table. For the next hour we just watched people filing in to their tables, eventually I spotted Jimin’s blonde head weaving through the crowd and they were seated on the table directly in front of us. My side of the table was reasonably close to theirs, and although we were just outside the camera’s catch-all for the celebrity tables, I could have reached out and touched Jimin had I wanted to. I imagined that us being seated back to back wasn’t a coincidence. I noticed a little further down that Taemin and the Shinee boys had been seated and I managed to catch Minho’s eye, who smiled and waved before nudging Taemin to his right and pointing over. He waved and sent a heart in my direction, which caused Jimin to turn around. He smiled at me and my heart thudded. How was it that he could still do that almost 9 months in… The show had a lot of breaks for adverts, but the performances were incredible. I had turned my chair away from my table to face the stage, so I was awarded a full view of the back of the Maknae-lines heads. The boys had just got up to go and prepare backstage and I was so excited for their performance. I knew how much they’d practiced and how much they’d been anticipating this so I couldn’t help but bounce up and down slightly in my seat when they were introduced. The lights were dimmed and the boys delivered the most amazing (and sensual) rendition of Blood, Sweat and Tears I’d ever seen. Despite having watched them perform frequently for the past month or so, I was once again blown away by their unbelievable stage presence - especially Jimin - whose stares into the camera borderline made me forget everything that had gone on between us. When they finished I jumped up to applaud and scream with the fans and the managers, and didn’t sit back down until I was breathless. When the boys were once again seated at about 11.30pm, it was all I could do to not stand up and hug each one of them tightly, but I think they could see from the smile on my face that I thought that the performance had been incredible. As I watched the nominations for the next award be announced by Park Bo Gum and Kim Yoo Jung, I felt my phone vibrate in the clutch on my lap. A couple of minutes later it went off again, so I reached in and pulled it out. The first message was from Jiminie and my heart lifted, but when I saw who the second message was from, it thudded down into my stomach. Im Jae-bum. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I hadn’t heard from Jae in a year and now he was texting me out of the blue? I swiped to read the message from Jimin first, which said, “how was I? :)” I tapped out a quick response of, “amazing, as usual. You all were!” Before opening the message from Jae. “Did I just see you at the MAMA awards?” I frowned and my heart thudded in my chest. Had I been caught on camera? Should I text back? I bit my lip and thought for a moment before tapping out a response. “Uh yeah, haha. Was I on TV?”

The response came back immediately. “Nope. I’m here too.” I almost spat out the water I had just taken a sip of to calm my nerves. WHAT?! HE WAS HERE?! I tried to look around stealthily my phone vibrated again. Im Jae-bum – “Turn all the way around, I’m one table back to your right. I saw you jumping and screaming for the BTS boys.” I swallowed and felt myself beginning to blush. I turned slowly in my chair and there he was. He was still unnervingly beautiful, wearing a black t-shirt and a leather jacket and – oh god. Was that a silver hoop earring?!” He smiled slightly and waved and I returned the gesture in an awkward wooden movement. Okay, what the fuck? Really. My ex-boyfriend and I were at the same fucking event. In CHINA. AND, he was only seated about 15 metres away from me. I turned back around and swallowed. My phone buzzed again. Im Jae-bum – “You look really good, Y/N.” I tapped out a furious response. “What are you doing here?” He texted back immediately with “Lol, I’ve missed you too. I’m here for work, I’m not stalking you. Relax :)” I didn’t respond. I just sat chewing my lip nervously and thinking. For work? What did he mean?! He studied music, I knew that – oh god, was he an idol now too?! My phone buzzed again and, as if he’d read my thoughts, Jae replied. “I’ve landed a job as a producer at JYP. I just started but they wanted to fly me out to this event ahead of my official start date next week.” JYP? They were headquartered in Seoul, like Big Hit… I tapped out a response quickly. “You’re working at the HQ?” Jae’s answer was a simple “yes” and my heart sank even lower in my chest. I inhaled deeply and tried to console myself. It would be okay. So what, the boy who broke my heart was moving to the same city I lived in. Who cares that he’d somehow become even more handsome than he was a year ago, and had scored an amazing job. The fact still stood that I was madly in love with him and he hurt me beyond reasoning. I nodded to myself and stuffed my phone back in my bag, reassured by my mini internal pep talk and tried to focus on the EXO performance that lit up the stage. The boys had been nominated for 7 awards, 3 of them Daesang awards, which was amazing in itself. So far, they’d won Best Dance Performance, sweetly allowing Hobi to lead the way to the stage. All the other nominations had been awarded apart from Artist of the Year, and Album of the Year – the two final awards and the two of the three Daesang awards. I knew the boys were happy just to be nominated, and to have a spotlight cast on their achievements, but when they announced the nominations for Artist of the Year my heart thudded against my chest. A couple of minutes before the announcement, all of the nominated groups had been taken to sit closer to the stage to make it easier to ascend should they win. As the winner was announced I craned my neck to get a better view of the boys. I screamed like a banshee when I heard the words Bangtan Sonyeondan, and seeing the reaction of the boys, I immediately burst into tears. I was so unbelievably happy and proud of them. I watched as they made their way to the stage and stood to get a clearer view of their acceptance speech. To see them all so overcome with emotion and gratitude sent me into a blubbering mess. They were so humble, despite their talent and their success in the face of so many adversities. Namjoon speaking English to his international fans was so typical of him, always an amazing leader through and through, ARMY at the forefront of all his thoughts. EXO won the final award and I cheered and shouted, but all I wanted was to be back with the boys, to congratulate them on their deserved win and bask in their elation. Unfortunately for the BTS team there would be no after-party because we were flying back to Seoul early the following morning for a week or so. As soon as the show was over, our table began filing out. We were lucky, most people looked to be sticking around to finish drinks, catch up with other attendees, or figure out their next plans, so we made it to the exit relatively fast. The rest of the staff and the boys were already in the cars, and I was anxious as I climbed in behind Sejin, hoping that I’d get to see Jimin. Unfortunately, he wasn’t in the car, but Namjoon was, and he’d saved me my usual seat beside him at the very back. He smiled up at me as I made my way towards him, his dimpled cheeks flushed with excitement. I plopped down next to him and gave him a celebratory hug. “Well done, you were all so amazing. Your speech was incredible. Gosh, you really deserve this, well done.” I gushed. He laughed and bowed his head, suddenly shy at my direct praise. I put my hand on his shoulder and he glanced up at me. “I’m serious, Joonie. You are amazing – you deserve this, and the world.” I realised I wasn’t just talking about his music and I dropped my hand to his. “I want to say thank you, you’ve been an amazing friend to me these past few weeks. If it weren’t for you I’d have left the tour, and you’ve always helped me to stay rational and try to see things from Jimin’s perspective. In some ways, you’ve saved our relationship a few times, and I want to thank you for that. I love Jimin more than anything, and it’s nice to be able to talk to someone who knows him and loves him too. Especially with this thing about his family…” I trailed off and glanced away and Namjoon squeezed my hand to regain my attention. “Stop worrying, things are going to work out with you and Jimin, I know they are. Anyway, since you’re so filled with gratitude about me helping you with Jimin, maybe you can return the favour…” I looked at Namjoon puzzled, and then it clicked and my eyes widened. “Joonie, you’ve met a girl?!” He laughed and attempted to shush me, and I took his other hand in mine and pulled him forward. “Tell me everything, who is she and where did you meet her?” I whispered. Before he could answer we were interrupted by the door of the minibus being opened, and Jimin climbing inside. He immediately located us and his smile faltered as he took in how close Namjoon and I were sitting and then his hands in mine. He immediately averted his gaze around the minibus and said brightly “Oh I didn’t realise you guys were full.” Namjoon and I were both about to respond but he was already stepping back down and sliding the door across. I sighed and removed my hands from Namjoon’s, before leaning back into my own seat. Jimin had a habit of jumping to conclusions, and although I didn’t for a second believe that he would have thought anything weird was going on between Namjoon and I, I knew he’d feel a little put out, or even replaced. Kind of how I’d been feeling lately... Namjoon pulled out his phone, “I’ll text him, hold on.” He typed out a quick message to Jimin before checking out a news app to read about the coverage from the show. I decided to do the same and pulled out my own phone but before I could unlock it Namjoon slammed his hand over mine. I looked up at him in shock to see concern and anxiety written all over his face. “What?” I asked, immediately panicked. Had I misread Jimin’s reaction earlier? Had he really thought something was going on between Namjoon and I? Namjoon took a deep breath. “There’s a picture…” He closed his eyes and then started again, “I don’t know how the media got it. It’s got the netizens… They’re saying – look - I don’t want you to freak out when you see it, okay?” I couldn’t answer, I just nodded. What the hell was this picture? Was it me? Was it Jimin and me? I couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread if it was the latter. I’d always wanted to be public with Jimin, but not now, not when our relationship was in such a fragile state. I didn’t think we’d be able to handle the backlash. Namjoon unlocked his phone and showed me the image. It was Jimin, but it wasn’t me. The picture was of the boys backstage, but the focal point of the photo was my boyfriend. My boyfriend, who was looking down into the eyes of none other than Areum, who was dabbing at his forehead with a cloth, as he grinned at her. If it weren’t for the fact that his smile was so wide that his eyes were no more than crescents, I might have said he was looking down at her lovingly. I swallowed the bile threatening to creep up into my mouth and took a deep breath as I scrolled down to read the headline, which read; “BTS PARK JIMIN LEAVES FANS BROKEN HEARTED AFTER THIS PHOTO AT THE MAMAS” I scrolled down further to read the article itself. “Netizens have been speculating that Park Jimin may be going home with more than just a Daesang this evening. After this photo of a so-called stylist affectionately wiping his brow backstage at tonight’s award show was leaked, fans have been left in shock. Scroll down to read ARMY’s comments below.” I didn’t want to read anymore, I felt quite ill. I scrolled to the top of the page again to look at the picture. It really did not look good. I tried to make myself think rationally. I knew that there was absolutely nothing going on between Jimin and Areum, just as there was nothing going on between Namjoon and I, but after everything that had happened over the past month, I couldn’t shake the pure, unadulterated rage that was building up in my chest. “Are you okay?” Namjoon asked. I simply nodded tightly in response, and clearly the anger was rolling off me in waves, because he didn’t attempt to say anything else. I was shaking. For the past month, Jimin had treated me like a stranger, and now this? I was furious, and even though I knew a lot of my anger was completely misplaced, I couldn’t do anything about it. I wanted to scream. I wasn’t even allowed near him, even before the lunch at his parent’s house and yet she gets to drape herself all over him backstage! Where there are hundreds of cameras?! Ok, that was an overstatement, but it was still more than I’d ever got. I unlocked my phone and pulled up the image again, before taking a screenshot and sending it to Jimin, with a text saying, “this is nice :)” I knew it was petty but I really couldn’t help myself. He read it a minute later and immediately replied with “what the hell?!” I responded with, “yep, that’s exactly what I said” and seconds later my phone was ringing. I declined Jimin’s call and tapped out another text. “I don’t want to speak to you about this over the phone. Let’s talk when we get back to the hotel, I’m room 440.”. Jimin responded with “Okay” and then seconds later added “I love you” words he hadn’t said to me in weeks. Instead of replying I locked my phone and attempted to calm down before I arrived. It seemed like we were back at the hotel in no time at all and I stepped out of the car and headed straight into the foyer. The atmosphere was awkward and I guessed from the tension in the air that the staff and all the members had been alerted about the ‘scandal’. Behind me I heard one of the managers answer his phone and start barking out instructions. He was yelling about the new order BigHit had put in place to protect the boys and I felt childishly smug about the fact that a rumour concerning Areum was being treated as a malicious and damaging story, worthy of legal action. Although, I knew they’d probably have done the same had it been me in her place. I didn’t bother to look behind me to see if Jimin was following and decided instead to make my way immediately to my room. When I arrived, I kicked off my shoes and made my way into my bathroom to wipe off my make-up. I knew Jimin would probably have to go to an emergency de-brief meeting about what he should say in their upcoming interview tomorrow, and so I decided to take a quick shower before changing into a pair of sweatpants and a tour hoody. I was sitting on my bed towel drying my hair with one hand and scrolling through my phone with the other (I couldn’t help but marvel at how quickly BigHit had managed to get the story taken down from any reputable news sources) when i heard him knocking, I padded over and opened it before walking back to my bed, not bothering to greet Jimin properly. I most definitely hadn’t done a very good job at calming myself down. I sat back down on the bed and said nothing as Jimin closed the door and made his way into the room, opting to perch himself on the desk opposite. He ran his hand over his face and then through his hair and I stared at him blankly.

“Y/N, you know there’s absolutely nothing going on between me and Areum, I’m sorry you had to read that story.”

I continued to gaze at him, expressionless as I replied “so?”

He looked puzzled for a minute and then a little annoyed, but he laughed it off. “What do you mean by so? I came to apologise because I didn’t want you to feel hurt by that article.”

I smirked and nodded. “Okay, understood. You didn’t want me hurt by the article, got it. Well you’ve apologised so I guess you can go now?”

Jimin didn’t try to cover up his annoyance this time as he asked “what the hell is your problem Y/N?”

I shook my head again. “I don’t know, I just find it funny how you don’t want me to be hurt over an article, when you’ve spent the past month hurting me. Maybe this would never have happened with Areum if you hadn’t traded me in for her. You begged me to come on this tour Jimin and since that night at your parents you’ve made me feel like shit.” I started to cry as my feelings of frustration and pain at the way things had been for the past few weeks, took over. Jimin’s anger melted and he looked beyond guilty, but my anger held firm and I carried on.

“I tried to give you space, I knew it was hard for you. I know you’ve never had an issue with your parents and I felt awful that I was the one to cause it, but not once did you try to comfort me. You didn’t stop to think how seeing you with a girl that you and I both know has feelings for you, would make me feel. You practically ignored me for almost a month, and now this has happened.”

Jimin’s head, which had been hanging low snapped up, and the anger was back.

“Wait, you’re saying this picture was my fault? Areum was just doing her job and we were laughing about the fact that one of the stylists had a meltdown about Hobi’s mic almost falling off, nothing weird was going on! Anyway, she apologised to you-“

I cut Jimin off with a humourless laugh. “Oh yeah, that really genuine apology. Give me a break Jimin, you know that was just as fake as our relationship has been for the majority of this tour.” I wiped my tears and stood. “I’m leaving.”

Jimin, who was still reeling from what I’d said about our relationship, blinked in shock at my finishing statement. “Wha- what do you mean? What do you mean, you’re leaving? Y/N answer me.”

I ignored him as I pulled my case onto my bed and started packing away my things.

Jimin reached out and grabbed my arm and I wrenched it out of his grasp. He looked mortified and I knew that my expression was cold as I told him, “I mean what I’m saying. I’m leaving. I’m done living like this, I’m done feeling insignificant, and like your feelings are the only ones that matter in this relationship. I’m going home. Tonight.”

Jimin looked lost and then he grabbed my hands frantically and tried to search my face for some indication that the girl who loved him unconditionally last month was still there. She was, but she was buried underneath a lot of hurt. “Y/N, please. I know I’ve screwed up and I know I’ve been selfish. So, selfish. You deserve so much better than what I’ve done these past few weeks. I’ve been so blind, I’m so, so, sorry. Just please don’t leave me. Please.”

I pulled my hands away from Jimin. I still loved him more than anything but it felt as though my emotions were frozen and that frost was seeping out through my skin, and all I could do was play the part of the ice queen.

I shook my head. “It’s too late Jimin. You’ve seen how much you’ve hurt me, and you’ve looked right through me. I can’t stay here any longer. I can’t watch you with her, even if you are just friends. It feels like you’re both rubbing my nose in it.” I looked away and continued to pack and Jimin was silent for a moment and then he suddenly began shouting, causing me to jump.

“I’m rubbing your nose in it?! What about you? What about you and Namjoon, or should I say “Joonie” your new best friend. Or Hoeseok. You don’t leave either of their sides, even if I wanted to get you alone I couldn’t! I tried to sit with you today and I find you already in the minibus, holding Namjoon’s hand!!”

Jimin was a little breathless after his rant and he ran his hands through his hair frantically before rubbing his face. I remained calm as I replied. “I wouldn’t have had to cling to Hobi and Namjoon if my own boyfriend had bothered to do so much as reply to my texts, or even tell me good morning once in a while, instead of skipping straight past me.” I turned back to my case and continued packing and Jimin raked his hand through his hair once more, before yelling loudly and kicking the trash can across the room.

I looked at him blankly and he rushed back over to me, before getting on his knees and wrapping his arms around my waist. “Y/N, I’m sorry I said that, I just wanted to provoke some sort of reaction. Please, you’re scaring me. Please stop being so cold. I can’t take it.. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I can’t let you end this. I’ll go downstairs right now and I’ll make a public announcement, I’ll tell the world that you’re mine and I’m yours. Please, please. I love you, you can’t do this…” Jimin trailed off and began sobbing loudly. He was clutching my waist tightly and I very nearly thawed, but right before my hand landed on his head, as a reflex to comfort him when he was sad, something stopped me.

I had to get out of this environment. It was toxic and I was unhappy. I was making myself unhappy to be around Jimin and that had to stop. What was once the main source of all my joy had become too draining. I needed to go home. So instead of kneeling down and holding Jimin, and kissing him softly, telling him everything was going to be alright, I detached his arms from around my waist.

He let them drop to his sides and slumped down, staring blankly at my sweatpants.

“I’m sorry Jimin, I can’t and you telling everyone about us wouldn’t fix this, it would probably do more damage than good. I need some time and space to think about this. Nobody can say we don’t love each other and I really think these minor problems would be easy to solve under normal circumstances – but these circumstances are far from normal. Your parents still don’t want us to be together, we still need to keep this relationship a secret, you still have tours, and fans, and girls that would rather see me dead than accept that I got to be with their precious oppa. There was a time when I genuinely believed that none of those things mattered because I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but now I don’t know.”

Jimin inhaled, his breath still shaky, then he put his arm on the bed and pulled himself up so he was stood facing me. “I love you so much Y/N” he said, starting to cry again. “I really love you so much, I don’t think I can go on without you. I don’t.” Jimin pressed his palms against his eyes and tried to compose himself.

I reached around my neck and undid the clasp of the necklace before pulling his hand away from his face and placing the ring and the chain there.

As soon as Jimin registered what it was, his legs semi-buckled and he sat with a thud down onto the bed. I didn’t say anything, I just walked around him into the bathroom and collected the last of my things, before putting them into my case and zipping it up. I glanced over at Jimin who was sitting staring at the ring in the palm of his hands with his back to me around the other side of the bed.

“We’re coming back to Seoul tomorrow for a week, am I allowed to see you?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “No, I don’t think so. I think we need more than a week Jimin. We need time to figure out what we want”

I’d barely finished my sentence when Jimin whipped around. “I want you, I won’t stop wanting you. I don’t need any more time. I’ve had time, I screwed up, but I gave you this ring because love you, and I want to marry you.”

The intensity of his words and his gaze took me by surprise, but I held my ground. “I’m sorry Jimin.”

I pulled my case off the bed and left the room. I managed to hold it together as I rode down the elevator and as I checked out. I got to the airport and booked the next flight to Seoul, and I even held it together during my two hour wait and my three and a half hour flight. I was still perfectly collected as I collected my bags on the other side and as I rode my uber to the duplex, but as soon as I walked through doors of our home and saw his shoes, and the pictures of us on the counter, my whole world came crashing down around me.