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sadsluttymess · 2 years

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I like bike riding It's oh so exciting Much better than fighting with all who come near me Rope's getting tighter, my hand's on the lighterI'm playing with fire, you'd better come save me That there's my sister Yeah, you couldn't miss her That big facial blister, her pity getting scheme I think I hate her, those green alligators I wish they'd had ate herIf that happened you'd see That there's a part of me that's appealingly sweet I'm surе you'd agree if you got to know me And admittedly, I'm not that interesting But I'll let you have what's mineIf you just give me your timeIf there's a party today, it's not coming my way Should be needless to say that I need things to change Remember yesterday?I bought you flowers, you threw them away Coffee and peppermint tea Brewing instructions engraved on leaves Symbols that I can't readSeems it's all written in Chinese I could use some help translating theseI'm an unknown breed, unsprouted seed A hot spring with its waters frozen over by your cold mentality If it's grief you need, here, take my spleenI'm gonna bleed all over the floorAnd more until you remember meI like bike ridingIt can be exciting But I'm through with hiding You're gonna think I'm crazy Swallowing swords now, too bad I don't know howI'm juggling knives, ow! Three fingers that cost me Oh, what have I done?A green luscious islandIt's covered in diamonds Far as the eye can see Lower the bar cause I'm choking on stardust Becoming a carcass, though pain's rather tasty There's a part of me that's appealingly sweet I'm sure you'd agree, if you got to know me And admittedly, I'm not that interesting But I'll let you have what's mine if you just give me your time With myself I must play in this game of charades Cause there's no one to speak to of the things I've got in my brain There's nothing particular I need you to say At least care to see if I'm okay Watch me now play with pointy thingsLook, see, isn't it interesting? No, you're not even listeningIs that not brave enough for you?As flies are drawn to the rotting cheese Are sadists attracted to misery In this case, that's another word for me So I'll boost the danger times two(Or maybe three)Just red paint? Babe, this ain't pretend How I long for your arms again I might lose me a leg or head Maybe you would believe me thenAutumn leaves failed to break my fall Sticks and stones didn't care at allSkin and bones decorate the walls Think that's everything I can recall Finally, a party just for meIn contrast with those attending, I'm quite happyLike your brain's hard drives just installed sympathy Judging by how much you cry, it's like you're draining your eyes Got in candy land, I paid the entrance fee Good thing no one tried to stop me through my self-injury spree People, please, you should be smiling If ya cared that much, should've showed love 'fore I became a piece of meatHey, come on, let's up the vibrancyI want some sort of balloons and your tears can be the confetti Gone from living feces to your priority Funny how much more you notice something that you can't see A whole garden on flowers and my name etched on a rockAll this could've been avoided, all I wanted was to talk Now I've been appointed, as your new king, I decree That it's too late to start caring about me

@gaybitchfx I didn't just post a whole song-

#Help #I'm kinda dumb

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rottingnurs3 · 2 years

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I got carried away and typed out the entirety of hansel by sodikken

i relate to this song too much 🙏

I like bike riding, it's so so exciting, much better than fighting with all who come near me!

Rope's getting tighter! My hand on a lighter! I'm playing with fire! You'd better come save me!

That, there's my sister! Yeah you couldn't miss her, that big facial blister, her pity getting scheme.

I think I hate her, those green alligators, I wish they had ate her. If that happened you'd see. That there's a part of me that's appealingly sweet. I'm sure you'd agree if you got to know me. But admittedly, I'm not that interesting. But I'll let you have what's mine if you just give me your time!

If there's a party today, it's not coming my way. Should be needless to say that I need things to change.

Remember yesterday? I bought you flowers, you threw them away. Coffee and peppermint tea, brewing instructions engraved on leaves. Symbols that I can't read, I think it's all written in Chinese. I could use some help translating these...

I'M AN UNKNOWN BREED, UNSPROUTED SEED, A HOT SPRING WITH IT'S WATERS FROZEN OVER BY YOUR COLD MENTALITY

IF IT'S GRIEF YOU NEED, HERE, TAKE MY SPLEEN, IM GONNA BLEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND MORE UNTIL YOU REMEMBER ME!!!!!

I like bike riding, it's so so exciting. But I'm through with hiding. YOU'RE GONNA THINK IM CRAZY.

Swallowing words now, too bad I don't know how! I'm juggling knives, OW! Three fingers that cost me

Oh what have I done? A green luscious island is covered in diamonds! Far as the eye can see!

Lower the bar cause I'm choking on stardust, becoming a carcass, though pain's rather tasty!

There's a part of me that's appealingly sweet, I'm sure you'd agree if you got to know me. But admittedly, I'm not that interesting! But I'll let you have what's mine if you just give me your time!

With myself I must play in this game of charades, cause there's no one to speak to of thing I've got in my brain. There's nothing particular I need you to say. At least care to see if I'm okay.

Watch me now play with pointy things! Look, see, isn't it interesting? No, you're not even listening. Is that not brave enough for you? As flies are drawn to the rotting cheese, are sadists attracted to misery. In this case, that's another word for me, so I'll boost the danger times two, or maybe three?

Just red paint? Babe, this ain't pretend. How I long for your arms again. I might lose me a head or leg, maybe you would believe me then. Autumn leaves failed to break my fall. Sticks and stones didn't care at all. Skin and bones decorate the walls. Think that's everything I can recall.

Finally, a party just for me. In contrast with those attending, I'm quite happy! Like your brains hard drive just installed sympathy. Judging by how much you cry it's like you're draining your eyes! Got in candy land! I payed the entrance fee! Good thing no one tried to stop me through my self-injury spree!

People, please, you should be smiling! If you cared that much then ya should've showed love 'fore I became a piece of meat!

Hey, come on! Let's up the vibrancy! I want some sort of balloons, and your tears can be the confetti! Gone from living feces to your priority. Funny how much more you notice something that you can't see.

A whole garden of flowers. And my name etched on a rock. All this could've been avoided. All I wanted was to talk. Now I've been appointed! As your new king I decree!: That it's too late to start caring about me!

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sebstanseabass · 3 years

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Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 13

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: Future you, r u okkkk

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

You stared at Bucky and the gentleman who was with him named Sam Wilson, completely dumbfounded; as if they both had three heads. They were seated across from you, Bucky with a glass of water, and Sam with a bottle of beer in his hand. Sam was just finishing his beer, as well as his speech about his business proposal which had to do with you taking photos of his new products, and models.

Bucky introduced Sam as a long-time friend and an owner of a sporting fit apparel named The Falcons. The name did ring a bell as soon as you heard it. You suddenly remembered passing through it while you and Bucky were strolling down Fifth Street, vaguely telling you about a friend who owned it and six other stores scattered in California, Chicago, London, and Australia (and was planning to branch out more in Asian countries); and here he was right in front of you, hiring you as a photographer for his big-time business.

Sam didn't give you a sliver of time to intervene with his flawless little speech he had committed to memory, as he spoke so fast. Some words were even incomprehensible to you — or perhaps it was just because the world was still whirling around you, given the prior event that just took place.

And now this.

You tried to give Bucky some kind of signal by giving him a look but he encouraged Sam further and urged you to listen to his proposal.

"So, y/n..." Sam rested his hands on the wooden table, his attention solely focused on you. "What do you think?"

If only you could tell him the truth that your mind was completely blank, you would. But you didn't want to embarrass yourself or Bucky for that matter, so you just gave him a smile and did the first thing you could think of. "Mr. Wilson — "

"Oh, you can just call me Sam. There's no need for formalities."

You nodded. "Sam... Do you mind if I have a little discussion with Bucky? It will just take a moment."

Sam leaned back on the cushioned couch of the booth and nodded. "Of course. Take all the time you need."

You didn't give Bucky the time to question why so you immediately stood up, grabbed Bucky's hand from across the booth and dragged his body towards one of the closets the bar rarely used. You closed the door behind you, and switched the light on. Even with the small lightbulb hanging from the ceiling, the inside of the closet still looked dingy, and the dust crawling on the walls and flying in the tight air space were clearly evident.

"Bucky, what the hell is going on?"

"Isn't it great?"

You smacked his arm. "Steve just told me he's getting me fired so that I can focus on my career as a photographer."

"That's even greater!"

You smacked his arm harder this time. "I'm not done." You hissed. "He's giving me one week to figure things out and then I'm fired. If I don't have shit figured out in that one week, I'm not gonna be able to pay for bills. Did you say something to Steve when you came here this morning? Don't lie to me, James."

He was rubbing his arm, brows furrowed. "I told him nothing."

"You showed him the photos I took last night. What was that all about?"

He sighed in defeat. "I just made him realize that you needed to be out there and not stuck here. You said it yourself, y/n, you're stuck in a rut and the only way to get yourself moving is to break from that routine. To go out there and explore the world."

"And then you just swoop in and bring your friend?"

"Yes."

"So, Steve just happens to realize that I needed to go out there and explore the world, and then it just so happens that your friend needs someone to photograph for his business?" You scoffed. "Bucky, do you expect me to believe that this is just one big coincidence? That you're not the one pulling all the strings in this little weird puppet show?"

"Yes, okay, I may have done something about those, said something, but — "

"Oh my god, you can't do that." You had the urge to get some air, and to pace back and forth as you tried to put your thoughts into words, but the space felt tighter the more you spoke. "You can't just walk into people's lives and, and... control everything! This is not just about chasing a dream, this is also about survival. I'm not rich like you. I don't have a safety net when things fall apart. You... You can't put all your trust in me."

"Well, someone needs to." Bucky sternly answered. "And if that someone should be me then so be it."

"I don't even know why you're going to great lengths for me." You looked down on the floor. "I... I don't get it, Bucky. I don't get you at all."

"Hey, hey, hey, listen to me, doll." His hands made contact with your skin, lifting your face to look at his blue eyes. "I apologize for taking things too far, I guess I could act so rash as well but I just wanted to do what I know is right and what would make you happy. Seeing you last night was... heartbreaking."

"So, you pity me." You sighed. "Everybody does."

"Call it what you want, y/n. But people who pity you won't ever believe in you and in what you do. But here I am putting all my trust in you. Your boss Steve does too. And Sam." A smile formed on his lips, making the insides of you flip.

"Your friend Sam sounds like a big deal and he hasn't even seen my photos. How can he trust me to do all this for him?"

"I put my word in for you. I told him if I was wrong, then to hell with me. And if you're worried about people assisting you during the shoot, don't. Sam has people all over and he just needs your beautiful eyes and hands and brain." He laughed. "Sam's a good guy and you're not going to be working for some big corporation. I know you hate those. This is perfect for you, trust me. And right now, all I need you to do is say yes to Sam, say yes to me, and most especially say yes to yourself. Please?"

The atmosphere became lighter, and the room didn't feel that tight any longer. His flattering words forever engraved in your mind. His warm hands stayed on both sides of your face, his face pleading.

You sighed and nodded your head slowly, finally convinced. "Okay, yes."

A grin started to crawl to his face and for a moment, his face drew closer to yours. "Okay, good. Now let's get out of here and tell Sam the good news."

You nodded but a touch of disappointment came, as Bucky's hands left your face. You never knew the presence of Bucky's skin against yours was one thing you could miss. You didn't even know if you should.

As soon as you sat down, you told Sam the good news and quickly ordered a bottle of champagne. You were supposed to get it for them but Bucky told you to sit down and let loose for a while, so you did.

Nat approached the booth with the cold champagne, and some glasses. She bent down and whispered to you, "You better tell me what's going on here. I wanna hear everything."

Sure, she did. Nat always wanted to. When it comes to water cooler gossip or any kind of gossip for that matter, Nat always wanted to dig her nose into other people's stuff. With a wink and a slight sway on the hips, she retreated to the counter and took more of people's orders. Beside her, you noticed Nick steal a glance in your direction but was averted away by people trying to get their drinks.

"Alright, let's toast." Sam declared. Bucky was just finishing filling yours when you focused your attention back at the two gentlemen in front of you. You thanked Bucky and mirrored Sam as he raised his glass. Bucky followed, his eyes with a luster glaze on you. "To new partners, beginnings, and to y/n."

"Thank you, Sam." You laughed, clinking your glasses. "And to Bucky, for trusting me enough to do this."

"To Bucky who wouldn't leave me alone until I said yes." Sam replied, emptying his glass.

You gave Bucky a look and shook your head. Being the cheeky man he was, the ends of his lips curved slightly which triggered the beat of your heart. The sudden changes you have been feeling when it came to Bucky have been scaring you but it wasn't a "bad scary"; it was the kind that excited everything inside you. A thrilling feeling that left you wanting more.

At the taste of the sprinkling cold champagne, for a moment, you were brought back to last night's events. A montage-like of red, blue and white lights illuminating the street, Howard waiting in the limousine, Wandavision, and then Bucky. After that, it was just Bucky's presence beside you and as you looked back at him, all you could think about was his soft warm lips pressed on your forehead. The entirety of it felt like you were living a dream — there were parts you couldn't remember and parts that you could, and the latter were just the ones you kept replaying in mind (even with Bucky in front of you), trying to imbue this dream-like memory and convince yourself that it was a memory.

Nat's voice pulled you out of your thoughts (and boy, were you thankful for it). "Hey, your shift's almost ending." She reminded you, passing by the booth, then turned to face Bucky and Sam. "Anything you want from the menu, boys?"

"No, thank you." Bucky replied then turned to you. "We should also be heading up."

"Oh." Nat's change in voice was so evident that you wanted to pull her out of here as soon as possible. "You guys are heading up, huh?" She teased, her eyes now on you.

"It's not what you think." You said. "He's just looking after me. Parker's gone to some corporate retreat for a week."

"Man, you're a babysitter!" Sam butted in, punching Bucky's arm lightly. "Oh, I can't believe this."

"No, I'm not."

"You can't even take care of your damn self, how are you gonna take care of her?"

"Shut up, Sam!"

"He's actually taking good care of me." You said, looking at Bucky.

"I'm sure he is." Nat chuckled which made you step on her foot. She cleared her throat in response.

"Anyway, I gotta go say goodbye to Steve." You said, standing up. "Hey Nat, do you want me to say hi to him for you?"

With her mouth slightly open, and eyes furrowed, she replied very slowly. "No."

You smirked. "Okay then."

You headed towards Steve's office, leaving Nat stunned in her place. Steve's office was slightly open so you didn't bother knocking and just went inside. "Hey, Steve. I'm off for tonight."

"Sure." He replied. "Hey, about earlier."

"What about it?"

"I'm doing it because I truly believe in you." He smiled. "And your new friend Bucky does so too."

You smiled at him right back. "Yes, Steve. Thank you."

"Take care, y/n."

"You too, boss!"

And with that, you headed towards the booth where Bucky and Sam were.

Out on the side of the street, the three of you parted ways, Sam hailing a cab and you and Bucky heading towards the apartment building. Once the elevator doors opened, you stepped inside and was greeted by its metallic smell.

"Hey, Bucky?" You said, quickly grabbing his attention. "T-thank you for this and for basically everything you've done for me for the past few days."

"Please, you don't have to thank me for this. I'm just really glad I'll be able to help you."

"And I promise once I get my shit done, have money and everything, I'm gonna pay you back — "

"Hey, hey, hey." He cut you off. "Who said anything about paying me back? You don't have to do that, okay?"

"But I feel like this is all too much, like, there's this thing tying me to you."

"Is that a bad thing?" He asked.

"When it comes to money, yeah kinda. And you've bought me all kinds of stuff — "

"Y/n, just..." He sighed. "You don't have to do or say anything. You don't have to worry about paying me back and even if you will, I won't ever ever accept it. Can we leave it at that?"

You sighed in response, the little ding! right on time. "Yeah, okay."

By the time you got in the apartment, you practically ran towards your room because of how exhausted you were but before you could even open the door, there was one more thing you needed to do.

"Bucky?"

“Yes?”

"I-I'm sorry again about last night and no," he was about to do his face whenever he cuts you off, "please, don't cut me off, let me finish."

Bucky walked towards you, his back facing Peter's room.

"This is about what I said... when I asked you to, uh, kiss me. You were right to stop me. I was drunk, sad and vulnerable and the moment wasn't right. It wasn't right. I would have regretted it the next day and would be so ashamed to face you. I might actually avoid you for a month." You sighed. "I'm really sorry you had to see that side of me. A kiss at that moment would be really inappropriate. When we — if we ever do, um, it wouldn't be like that... just like what you said. You said that right? You said, and I quote, not like this. 'Cause I keep hearing your voice saying that in my head." Bucky nodded, affirming it. "Okay. Um, yeah so in conclusion... I am sorry."

He slowly smiled, nodding his head. "You make a lot of speeches."

"Yeah, I'm the queen when it comes to it."

"And apology accepted, of course."

You warmed up with a smile. "Okay, thank you. Good night."

“Good night, doll."

Once you turned around, you felt a strong force on your arm, spinning your body which then collided with Bucky's, together with his lips crashing on yours.

It was like an impulse you couldn't avoid: for you to close your eyes, to move your lips in his rhythm, and to savor his breath. He tasted like cold champagne, and mint, with a hint of coffee. His lips, luscious, warm and soft; you were afraid of tearing them apart with your teeth. He kissed you with all the fervor of a lover. A lover talked about in books, movies, in fairytales.

Bucky's hands found their way around your hips, pulling you closer towards his body, while you rested yours on the sides of his face, pulling every inch of him, craving more of him. Slowly, you opened your eyes and tore your faces only an inch apart, foreheads touching. Lips empty but still hungry. You stayed right where you were; You never dared move an inch and so did he. You were still like statues. The only movement was the rapid rise and fall of your breathing.

Bucky's hands slid from your waist. You felt his fingers on the nape of your neck, his thumb tracing your lower lip and giving it a small, passionate kiss.

"Just like this, doll." He whispered. "Just like this."

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