also realized i haven't been sharing my cal intake these past few days, oops

wednesday: went out with my aunt, had a chicken sandwich. then later for dinner i had some shrimp alfredo. net: 972

thursday: had some alfredo for breakfast, walked for an hour and lost about 300 cals. then had some mashed potatoes and 2 chicken strips, which wasn't the best day ever. it made me go to about 1,200 calories that day.. (was my own fault, didn't count the calories properly). but because of my exercise, my net was: 881

friday: basically had microwaved sesame ginger cod all day- think i ate the whole box actually... oops. got close to 1,000 overall, but my net from exercise was: 692

and then today was: 3 pieces of salmon and a 10 cal monster. may or may not have something else very small, bc i feel like i've been eating way too much lately. about to do my exercises, but net as of posting this is: 390

omg yeah i meant drabble as in reaction! my sleep deprived brain couldn’t make the distinction lmao but yes if it’s not a problem i would like to request it as a reaction style thing with cheol, gyu, and kwan <3

svt + "why didn't you tell me?"

➔ reaction || requested

omg i’m sorry it’s 2am and i’ve been running on four hours of sleep since thursday can i please add soonhoon to the list 😭 thank you actually

➔ warnings: arguing, food mention || 1357 words ➔ notes: angst with unresolved conflict cuz i don't have space LOL, hurt/comfort? ; here's the original ask for anyone who's curious about the prompt. this one really stumped me! it feels like there's so much...context to fit into 300 words, but i tried my best. maybe one day i'll make it into a full-fledged fic because that tiktok and its continuation reminded me of my "svt + fighting with their s/o" (2021) and "svt + helping you out of mental health issues" (2021) series. pls reblog if you liked!

SEUNGCHEOL: he's been prickly all week. at first, you brushed it off, confused at his attitude, but at this point, you're sick of his stupid scoffs whenever you hang out with his friends. doesn't seem like he'll address it any time soon, so after another tense dinner, you bite the bullet. "you've been irritated all week — are you going to tell me what that's about or am i supposed to guess?" you cross your arms and lean back against the kitchen counter. you half-expect him to walk out of the kitchen, but he levels a glare at the table, simmering. "...why didn't you tell me?" you throw your hands into the air. "tell you what, seungcheol?" "that you used to date seungkwan!" that makes you pause. "what? i never dated seungkwan—" and then it clicks. last week, your phone brought up a screenshot from years ago that you never deleted: a dating app exchange with a guy you met exactly twice, both of you deciding after the dates that it wouldn't work. you didn't remember him, not even when you were re-introduced to seungkwan as seungcheol's partner; that's how unimportant it was. when you and seungkwan realized your past connection, you thought it was funny, but evidently, seungcheol didn't. "i never dated him," you say again, much calmer now that you know what he's upset about. "it was two dates a long time ago. i didn't tell you because i didn't know it was him. do you want me to recount every failed match i had on dating apps?" you raise your eyebrows until he relents with a gruff no. "besides, i'm literally living with you now. that's got to count for something, right?"

SOONYOUNG: when he's in a bad mood, everyone who knows him knows. he's good at schooling his expression into a neutral smile, but something about him is colder, more reserved. he's lost in his festering thoughts, and it takes a while to draw him back out. so when you flip over your phone to show him a funny video and his laugh is stalled for the fifth time, you decide to sit up and talk about it. he stays draped over the couch as you cross your arms, but finally he huffs, "why didn't you tell me?" his frown borders on angry, but when he toys with the hem of your sweater, you know that it's not directed at you, which is relieving — his anger is a force to be reckoned with. you wait for him to continue because he looks like he's turning words over in his mind. he begins slowly, "i trust my members with my life. all of them, but seungcheol especially. he's a good leader. takes care of us." you only hum, hand coming up to tug the short hairs on the nape of his neck. he leans into the touch. "and i'm glad you get along with everyone. i'm glad seungcheol takes care of you." there's something heartbreaking about the look in his eyes when he meets your gaze. "he told me that you've been confiding in him about your nightmares?" you suck in a breath. "it's not because i don't trust—" "i know, i know. he told me it's because you didn't want me to worry, but baby, i'm supposed to take care of you."

JIHOON: "what video are you watching?" you ask as you shuffle into his studio. take-out containers are laid out on the table, making you nearly drool in anticipation, and you're assuming the ones pushed to the corner are yours. you settle into a seat and break a pair of chopsticks. he still hasn't looked over. "hello? jihoon?" he grunts, eyebrows furrowed as he continues staring intently at the screen. you can hear a familiar song bleeding from his headphones. his standoffish behavior rubs you the wrong way, but whatever — you had a long day and you're hungry. you're about two bites into your fried rice when he finally pauses the video and turns to you. "why didn't you tell me?" you just keep eating. if he's going to accuse you of something and be mad about it, he better give you more context. "this—" he waves at his screen— "is your audition tape. you didn't tell me you were an idol trainee?" you choke on your food, and when he pushes a can of coke zero into your hand, you chug it gratefully. "where the hell did you get that?" and that makes his frown deepen. "i got it from soonyoung. you told soonyoung before you told me?" he tries to say it nonchalantly, but there's hurt that bleeds into his voice. you didn't mean to tell soonyoung first — it just happened that way because he overheard you talking about it to another friend and then he pestered you to send him a video. "what's worse is that i kept complaining to you about idol life...does that bring up bad memories? hurt feelings? i'm sorry."

MINGYU: sometimes you joke and say that he has a thing for praise, but it's true that he loves feeling needed and helpful, particularly when it comes to you. as much as you'd love his assistance with this one project, however, it's supposed to be a secret to everyone except jihoon who's helping as a co-composer. you were doing so well with hiding this until he surprises jihoon in the studio and finds you in front of the microphone. "what the heck? ...are you making a song?" the without me? goes unsaid, but it's written all over his stricken face. "why didn't you tell me?" jihoon shrugs and doesn't help when he says, "well, that'd defeat the whole secret aspect." "oh, so you can help, but i can't?" mingyu snaps, and it seems like jihoon finally realizes the extent of mingyu's mood because he doesn't say anything when you usher your boyfriend out the door. "why didn't you tell me?" he asks again, a hint of a whine pushing through. "i can write lyrics. or listen and give feedback. i've written songs before, too, y'know—" you put on a hand on his chest, and he swallows back his words, though you know he's dying to make his case. "why didn't you tell me?" "they told me i couldn't tell anyone," you say, apologetically. "they explicitly said not to tell you." he pouts. "i tell you all of my projects..." he mumbles, but he gets it — professional contracts come first.

SEUNGKWAN: he always makes sure that you're taking care of yourself, which includes getting all your vitamins and having enough energy to get through the day. one of the ways he does this is packing you lunch once in a while, and you've learned to accept it without protest, even if you feel like he's overextending himself. he makes good food! it's just...it's rare, but there's this one dish that he makes with soondae and you're not really a fan. you've never mentioned it because the topic never came up, and you were going to say something about it when it first appeared in your lunchbox, but he was so proud of it, saying that it's a recipe he developed himself and he was so excited for you to try it. how could you dash his hopes like that? but you know who likes soondae? mingyu. you develop a secret exchange that works for a while: your soondae for one of mingyu's proteins, and you're in the middle of this switch when seungkwan walks in and catches you red handed. mingyu looks between the two of you, takes his chopsticks in his mouth, and hurries out of the room. the last incriminating piece of soondae sits in your lunch container. "...why didn't you tell me?" you wince. he's not mad, just disappointed, and you're not sure which breaks your heart more. "you could've just said you don't like my cooking. i can take it." oh, and there's the pout. you're quick to hop to his side. "no, no, i like your cooking! it's that one dish, i swear! i didn't — i promise i eat everything else."

Hey everyone,

I just want to give everyone a quick update as to what's going on with the scams or what's called operation drain and run out of the 200 that were arrested the other day most have been released must have been very forthcoming and giving information some of them have been detained further pending for their interview and or their charges are going to be dropped or reduced law enforcement agencies have confirmed that there are some more smaller cell operations of this type going on here in the United States and in Canada they are now getting in with the Canadian authorities to help with the investigation up there I can't tell you that 75 of the 200 people arrested the other day were members of Tumblr so basically yes they were right under our nose and we did not know it but I knew it.

I can also tell you that information from this point forward is going to be very slim because they are wanting to Big Cheese the people that are actually masterminding all this and they're going to have to start being careful what information they let out and that's totally acceptable to me I totally understand that and they did say the other thing about passing the info. on to you guys as much as they can. They said that I have been a big help in this there's been a few other people that have come forward they've also been assisting and helping out but I still need some more help so anything y'all got if it if it means you got scammed don't worry about being embarrassed you're not going to be judged or you're not going to be treated like shit just because you fell for it.

So now if you've noticed that I changed the format of my blog it makes it look like it's in a daily or weekly episodic TV show it's still called a slice of my world but it's also episode 1-18 this is starting to become a daily or actually it should say it bi-weekly thing of me posting and I have enjoyed it don't get me wrong but the title of this is called oh how things have changed and it's basically going to be a lot of difficult reading from this point forward but stuff that once you read it you'll understand why it has been so difficult I I'm going to Chronicle the night of January 20th of last year through the morning hours of January 21st which is what I considered the moment my life changed forever.

So we begin on January 20th 2020 I had to go to work I walked 4 miles to go to work because I didn't have a vehicle anymore and we were living in a motel so I had to you know make sure one of us is working until a lot of times where I was staying even hard for me to get a ride. So I work the 3:30 to close shift which basically meant I left between anywhere from between 12:30 and 1:00 in the morning I worked at a movie theater which by the way was probably the best job I had ever had in my life I I love that place I would love to go back to another one like it. So basically I got off work about 12:30 that night and normally I would have a ride to work on Monday nights this week it wasn't possible because of something that happened at the theater the manager got behind on his paperwork on and couldn't get out on time like he normally does I had to go to the store that night because we didn't have very much food so I went to store I got about 2 or 3 nights worth of food with enough till I get to my day off from work to go to the store and get more. That was a common occurrence so by the time I got done with the store and got home about 2:30 in the morning my wife was asleep she had been sick for about a month before this which now I have directly linked into being one of the first cases of COVID-19 in the united states'.

I came home and like I said she was asleep and I gave her a kiss like I usually do sometimes it wakes her up sometimes it doesn't this time it woke her up we start talking for a little bit I went outside and I did my usual ritual I go outside and smoke a little weed you know kind of relaxed a little bit for about 20-30 minutes yeah I went inside and cooked dinner now for a little background my wife had been sick for a while she had a heart attack November 8th in 2018 and then she had a stroke Easter Sunday of 2019 a stroke that she refused to go get taken care of even though I begged her and had other people beg her to go to the hospital she would not do it when she had the heart attack the doctor was not able to fix all the blockages to her heart because some of the arteries were too small so he told me privately that if she had another heart attack she wouldn't survive it I knew that I told her that about 3 months later so she knew but on this night I never had any dream or knowing that 2 hours after I got home from work she would be dead she had a massive heart attack I was just getting ready to start cooking dinner when she started really screaming about chest pain and I've never heard her go off like she did and even though I called 911 it still took the damn people 20 minutes to get out there otherwise I still think she'd be alive but then again maybe not so to try to make a long story short they would not let me ride in the ambulance with her to the hospital she was still coherent but when they did the ekg in the room where we were staying at I could tell the guy's eyes that she wasn't going to be much longer and I think the reason why they told me I couldn't ride with them was because for the same Theory I think that they didn't want my last memory of her to be of her fighting for her life and dying and I am thankful for that because I've had horrible nightmares about this whole thing and so after I made all the notifications and everything that day I went back to work two days later and I was told I could stay out as long as I needed to they were really really super awesome and amazing to me hell they were even responsible for giving me the money to get my wife buried because they donated money they put a pool in together to help me. The thing about it was is I don't know what upset me more the fact that I wish there was something more I could have done or the fact that I had to have a fucking cop show up to my door to tell me that she was gone even though I had already known it. So when I went back to work two days later it was very very hard because she used to work there too and she used to work at the podium on the weekends where she took the tickets and everything and told people where the theaters were and everything else and I wasn't there for 2 hours and I just doubled over it was just like a big flood of emotion but I made it that night but the hard part was with the weekends because those were the nights that she worked the most everybody loved my wife it worked up there and so I mean I didn't feel like I was so alone then the pandemic came I lost my job I lost my place where I was staying I had to go to my sister-in-law's house which was the biggest mistake of my life cuz I really found out what kind of people they were plus that's when I developed a curiosity for methamphetamine and then I met the bitch from hell not even 2 months later and keep in mind she was just supposed to be a companion we weren't like going to be boyfriend girlfriend cuz I still way too broke up about my wife's death that's all I wanted cuz I couldn't stand being lonely anymore just like I can't stand it now but she got me hooked on meth and I say she got me hooked because she kept bringing it around me knowing that I found something new that I really liked and I didn't ask her to bring it around I could have said no but this has to do with that 28 day period from June to July where she was drugging me putting the dope in my food in my drinks that's why I blame her.

Then after my ex got murdered at a house party I lost my sister-in-law and nephew and then my step daughter called me one day two weeks before Christmas to tell me that she lost her fiance her baby's daddy after he had a heart attack from A congenital heart defect that he had for 6 years the only bright spot of 2020 was my step daughter had a daughter of her own and that to this day that baby is my love bug

As where I'm at right now I'm going to be homeless by next weekend again unless I can come up with $250-300 dollars by Friday night it doesn't look like it's going to happen folks unless I can get some donations and get them quick I am taking donations right now if you can help I don't care if it's 5 10 15 20 $25 whatever it is it will help I don't expect nobody to give me the money all at once cuz I know a lot of people don't have that kind of money right now so just little donations will help right now I had to actually go to Walmart today and steal food God I hate myself for doing it I didn't get caught but still my conscience was getting the best of me for much of the evening I got enough food here to last me for 2 or 3 days if I end up getting to stay here but like I said it's not looking very good at this point I've tried local resources I've tried all kinds of Charities help and all they want you to do is hurry up and wait and I ain't got that kind of time and I told him that so I I'm asking for any help that anyone could give if I don't get if I can get at least $250 out of 400 I can go get me a motel room for the week and I'll get me by until I can come back here when my roommate comes back cuz then he'll have the money for the rent and everything else so I can come back here so I just need to really get by for a week I have not had any dope in nine days I'm going crazy but I need a place to live first before I can be doing that shit so I'll just have to deal with it if you want to help I'll give you my cash app I will put it at the end of this post for everybody so the last 18 months has not been fun I went to six suicide of Temps and I just been existing when before I had it all anyway so that's basically going to end this episode of a slice of my world I'm sorry if this was such a downer for a lot of people but you know I the more and more I feel like I tell my story easier everyday gets for me cuz I don't feel like I'm burying myself with all the emotion and having to keep it bottled up anyway I will talk to you y'all whenever I talk to you I may be on Hiatus for a little bit because I won't have a phone here after tomorrow unless I go someplace that has Wi-Fi and depending on my living situation I mean like I said I'm I'm hoping and praying somebody will be able to help out by donating a little bit of money to me so I can keep a place over my head somehow someway anyway y'all. I love you take care of yourself and I'll see you on the other side

Cashtag $jojo091069

PayPal

Venmo

Google pay

Message for those tags I left blank as I don't know them by heart yet

Love,. Sean

10, 20, 25 for the writer asks? 🥰

thank you for the ask, kasey!! 

10:  How would you describe your writing process?

if i’m being honest, my writing process is very much like *gets new idea* *impulse writes 1k words* *existential dread* *makes random writing playlist* *scrolls through tumblr for 2 hours* *new idea* *writes 300 words* *imposter syndrome???* 

asdfsfsdfs but jokes aside, it all depends on what kind of story i’m writing! for one-shots and other shorter pieces, i usually just dive right in. but for longer pieces and more complex one-shots, i’ll start off with a brief outline, maybe throw in a sentence or two of description for a particular scene/dialogue that i would like to include, etc. once that’s all done, i’ll get to writing! i usually have to have music in the background, and i’ll turn on this app/chrome extension called forest: stay focused (which keeps you from going on certain sites/keeps you from exiting the app on your phone, all the while planting a cute tree/shrub), and write away! 

20: Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)u h h h h, i think this is gonna be super niche and i am fully prepared to c r i n g e at this later, but! in terms of eiko from time, wondrous time. i mentioned a bit about how i kinda get super nervous about the idea of introducing an original character, especially,,,a padawan character? (come on caroline, who do you think you are? >:() so a long, long time ago, i had a different original character by a different name, and i treated her terribly (killed her because i was like ‘lol don’t know what to do with her’. you can tell i was influenced by george lucas because ‘lol female character dies because there’s no way she could have a fulfilling purpose now’.i was like 13 pls cut me some slack asdfsdfds i still cringe at everything i wrote from when i was like,,,13-15. i mean, proud of myself for getting super into writing, but. a c k. a c k. some stuff i am hella not proud of. like,,,again. 13 and full of raging hormones and existential angst, but…caroline what. that is all i’ll say). but anyways, i introduced eiko by mentioning she had a dark ponytail–and that was a trait that i had used with this other original character that i made as a 13 year old. then again, 13 year old me was also hecka sad (who wasn’t??), and i think that kinda translated into that character. so…idk. perhaps eiko is a quiet reminder to even myself that maybe,,,growth is a thing? and that maybe,,,we all deserve better in the end?? i’m walking a very thin line here, because i know how difficult it is for people to get invested in original characters, and twt is definitely going to focus on the actual tcw fam and their dynamics with each other, but! lol yeah, some parts of eiko are a callback to what my 2013 writing used to be asdfsdfsd okee that’s allll

25: What part of writing is the most fun?

i think for me it’s writing dialogue? and getting so lost in hearing characters’ voices that for a little while, i feel more like a stenographer than an actual writer. (and that’s a very, very cool feeling.)

from these writer asks

Tired Jaimi is Tired

1/15/19 Post

Hiya All

It’s been a long few weeks. So far 2020 is starting off as a mixed bag of a mess. 

Good news: inching ever closer to the goal to get the store! Tomorrow I will know if I got a loan, if so, it’ll put me simply 300 short of my goal. That’d be awesome, particularly if I can get lucky enough to get another loan or donations to cover that. I’d love to be able to call the realtor and say “I have the money as requested, when can we set up our meeting!” 

Bad news: my grandmother died, now my mom is trying to find a way to go to her funeral. Technically my aunt is, but it’s still a tight call. 

Ways to Help: links and info for donations

Cosmos Market GoFundMe

My GoFundMe

Paypal:  [email protected]

Ko-Fi

venmo @ JaimiST

Cash app $jaimist

Why Cosmos Market is Important to Me: beneath the cut as it is sort of long, discusses different forms of abuse, medical information, and random details. 

In 2008 ma had a stroke, that left her with right side weakness and living in constant pain, along with a few other health issues. 

Eight months later in 2009 I was in a car accident that crushed my right ankle. After surgery to correct the problems caused, I tried going back to work. It wasn’t the best option, but I did it because I didn’t want to risk losing my job. The end result? I probably went back to work too soon, or perhaps I never should have, as my pain levels never slowed down or decreased as the surgeon said they would. Instead they got progressively worse. 

Eventually I lost that job. I spent a year doing some commissions and on unemployment before getting a new job. One that began what I call Hell Year 2013. I ended up in the hospital 13 times in 11 months. Including two different surgeries. Fun, huh?

That job I quit due to the boss I had at the time not respecting the fact I make sure ma gets to and from doctors, and my own medical issues. 

I applied for disability a month later, that was at the beginning of 2014. I have been fighting for it since, which is a complete mess. Anyone who says disability is super easy to get either got it in the 1980s or doesn’t know jack shit. 

Since then, I have done commissions, taken care of ma, and completed random errands here and there for income. Now I have added book sales to it as well. Sometimes it is enough, other times not as much. 

Ma’s husband, who I will call abled from here on out, likes to make snide comments about how her and I are lazy because we are in pain and have days we can’t walk. Some of his other remarks have been about how ma shouldn’t have survived the stroke, how I’m a failure, how both ma and I are regrets, just to name some of the emotional and verbal abuse we have dealt with from him. 

On my legal day 2018 ma nearly died. She was non-responsive, having a hard time breathing, and showing all the signs of pre-seizures. I wanted her to go to the hospital, abled disagreed. I pulled rank, so to speak, by invoking my ability as her Power of Attorney and giving the choice he could help me get her ready to go and to the car or I could call an ambulance. 

He chose to help, while being pissed about it.

She was in such bad shape they took her to trauma to stabilize and then to ICU. According to the doctors and nurses, she would have died had I not forced the issue. One thought she could have died within a few hours, another by morning. 

When she got out she was put on O2 and the nurse was coming in to set it up. Abled threatened to move out if the nurse came in the house. He didn’t take it well when I told him where the door was. That would be the first of the new abuse. 

Every time something happens he doesn’t like regarding ma’s medical, abled does one of three things: threatens either of us with physical violence (who depends on which is standing up to him), is verbally and emotionally abusive, or threatens to leave and make sure ma ends up homeless. 

Some of the new verbal and emotional abuse includes: criticizing and shaming ma for using the walker she needs. Trying to keep ma from using her O2 because the machine is “annoying”. Making snide comments about how she should just go to a nursing home since she’s worthless. Threatening to withhold medication because he doesn’t think she really needs it. Not making sure that she has enough heat to stay healthy and in minimum pain.

He’s also started having at least one affair. 

Then there is abled’s abuse to me which includes refusing to pay me for any assistance I give, which is a large part of how I pay my bills. Intentionally misgendering me and being rude because he doesn’t “agree” with the fact I’m queer. He’s snide and cruel about Winston (my service pup for those who don’t know) Calling me lazy, useless, worthless, and a leech to name some of it. 

How does all of this relate to Cosmos Market? 

By opening Cosmos Market, I will creating a stable income for me, one that doesn’t depend on abled. I’m not physically able to work the store alone, and my sister is in a job that keeps threatening to fire everyone simply because the new boss isn’t a good person. She’ll be doing the majority of the work, but I will be working at least one day a week to do paperwork, orders, and making sure everything is in order. That will be just enough to pay my base bills and make sure I can get ma’s meds whether I get my disability or not (court is Feb 20th, here’s me hoping it works out so I won’t be surviving on the bare minimum).

that bare minimum would allow us to get rid of him. Yes, we’ll struggle, but it’d be better to struggle and be safe, then to have someone who is abusive around. 

I’m an indie author, I know a lot of other indie authors due to a variety of writing groups, and it is my goal to carry books by indie authors at the store. So not only will Cosmos Market give my sister a full time (and stable) job; me the bare minimum to survive, even if not thrive; it will also give indie authors a place to sell there books. 

There’s probably more I could say, but that covers the important parts. 

sturdy forts | kyg.

summary: it’s his first time celebrating christmas with a human after so long. word count: 1,534

a/n: again, thank you all so much for more than 900 followers! with that, i’m posting this last got7 christmas scenario. i hope all of you enjoy it and have a merry christmas!

 “Ah, it’s been so long since I celebrated Christmas with a human.”

You cast a curious glance at the tall man who walks beside you with cheery steps. He’s swinging his pocketed hands and admiring the snowy world around him. You smile. “How long?”

“Aish,” he frowns, “you know I don’t count the years, (Y/N). It makes immortality seem lonely.”

“But, knowing you, you probably lived all those years to the fullest?”

“I did!” he defends, “It’s just that having a number makes all those years seem like I was just wasting my time because I can’t die. Catch?”

“Catch?” Your nose scrunches at the uncommon term, but you eventually nod to him. “I guess you could say I understand; not in depth, but I see where you’re coming from.”

“Thank you.”

You and Yugyeom walk along in silence some more before you ask again, “Are you cold?”

“I’m a vampire, (Y/N).”

You hit his arm in surprise. “You can’t just say that in public! Have you no fear?”

“We’re alone.”

“Stop pointing out your observations,” you grumble before searching your bag for your keys. “Let’s just head in.”

He grins when you let him in your home, practically skipping into your warm abode. He quickly removes his coat to help you take of yours as soon as you’ve shut the door, and you quietly thank him in return. “Want anything?” you ask, heading into the kitchen then pausing for a while to look at the clock, “It’s 10:30PM. We have an hour and a half.”

“Of what?” he settles on your couch and watches you open some cupboards, “Do you have anything there for some hot choco?”

“Of course I do.” You take out the mug he always uses and follow it with a packet of cocoa mix, which you show to him as if you were in an advertisement, “To warm your heart on a cold winter’s night.”

“I don’t have a pulsing heart though?”

You put your hand down with a huff, a stomp, a frown and then, finally, a pout. “Stop pointing out your vampire-ness and let me enjoy this.”

His light laugh at your antics echo throughout the space and an image of his smile comes to your mind even as you turn around to make him his drink. You can’t help but grin as well; his happiness was contagious.

“Do you want to watch some TV?” he asks from the living room, and you send back a loud refusal.

“Look through Pinterest,” you suggest instead, “Search Christmas date ideas.”

You turn around just in time to see him roll his eyes at that, a smirk on his face before taking his phone and (you suppose) opening the app. You set out a coaster in preparation for the hot mug you place in front of him on the coffee table, and then you move away to make a drink for yourself.

“Oh, (Y/N)! This sounds cute,” he goes as you finish making your (Y/F/D), “’Recreate your spouse’s favorite childhood Christmas memory.’”

“You’re not my spouse though?” You take a sip before walking to join him.

“Partner, then,” he says, meeting your gaze hopefully, “Are you up for it?”

“I’m down.” You sit next to him and drink once more. “I want it to be a childhood memory of yours though.”

He takes a sip from his choco and leans back, laying his arm on the couch space behind you. “Why mine?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “Your childhood’s more buried in the past than mine.”

His lips purse, his head tilts and his eyes narrow – that’s how he always was when he was considering and thinking about things. When he looks at you again, though, he nods firmly. “Solid point.”

“So,” you say, smiling as you lean more into him, “what’s your favorite childhood Christmas memory?”

“I have a lot.”

“Give me a specific one, Kim.”

The hand that’s not holding his mug raises in surrender. “Alright, alright,” he goes, and there’s a pause as he drinks before he says, “Hm. I remember building a pillow fort with my older brother.”

“Your older brother?” Your voice is soft. While he had talked about his family positively every time he mentioned them, you don’t really bring them up in fear of accidentally going too far and hurting him. They accepted their vampire son and brother despite his only occasional visits to them and until their human mortality had them pass away.

“Euigyeom,” he says with a fond smile, but you don’t miss the sadness hidden in the syllables of the name. Once, he had let down his walls and confessed to you that he had missed them, and you didn’t want to touch on that injury too much.

“Let’s build a fort then!” you chirp, aiming to divert the topic cheerfully and, to your relief, he stands up and smiles with you.

“Let’s get it!”

You divide the work – as you jog to your room for a blanket, he removes the cushions. When you come back, you help him set up the fort, and he helps you set up the blanket. You finish at 11:15PM, and you find yourself hidden in that fort of yours as your phone plays a Christmas playlist.

“How are you faring, vampire?”

“It feels like a coffin.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling perfectly at home,” you giggle, “Now, what should we do?”

“Sing our hearts out?” A familiar intro comes on and his smile brightens even more. “I know this song!”

“I don’t?”

“’Whenever I see girls and boys selling lanterns on the street,’” he sings, eyes closed as he emerges himself in the music, “’I remember the child in the manger as he sleeps.’”

“I didn’t peg you as the religious type.”

“Why?” he asks, stopping as the music goes on, “Is it because of the spawn-of-hell vampire stereotype?”

“No!” Your denial is immediate, not wanting him to think you have anything against his kind. “It’s just that I don’t know a lot of religious people, so I categorized you as one of them.”

He tsks at that. “Judgmental.”

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s fine!” he chuckles, “It’s fine.”

“Who’s singing?”

“Jose Mari Chan,” he informs, sounding out each syllable of the unfamiliar name, “He’s Filipino. The song is ‘Christmas In Our Hearts.’” You nod and he adds, “Most Filipinos are Catholic. I think they’re the only Catholic country in Southeast Asia? I forgot. They were colonized by Spaniards for more than 300 years; they got their religion from them.”

“My, my, Yugyeom,” you exclaim, eyes and mouth wide in surprise, “When did you read up on all this?”

“Some time within the last decade,” he shrugs, “I was bored.”

“And you remembered all of that?”

He nods and the smile on his face this time was a proud one, loving the fact that he had impressed you. “It’s interesting, (Y/N),” he says coolly, “Try it some time.”

“Tell me more!” You look up to him excitedly, grabbing his arm, “Teach me!”

“Oh! Um,” he fumbles, his pride wavering gradually as you shake him and receive silence. “I can’t think of anything else right now.”

“Why not?” you frown, “Keep the momentum going!”

“I can’t think of anything right now because you’re so close to me?” It was a try at distracting you; it was a fail.

“Yugyeom –“

Your tone had hinted at a reprimanding, but he was quick to swoop in and lay a kiss on your lips. This time, his tactic worked. “That was the only thing I can think of,” he whispers upon pulling away, “And doing it again is the only thing on my mind right now.”

“Yugyeom –“

“Will you let me?” His eyes are hopeful. They’re pleading yet serious, and you lick your lips in vulnerability.

“What time is it?”

He’s quick to check his phone and reply, “11:33.”

You take another minute to get lost in his eyes and, in that time, he leans in with the hope of his wishes being granted. However, you shove him playfully in the chest and move away. “Kissing when the clock strikes twelve sounds more romantic, doesn’t it?”

“Kissing sounds romantic,” he says, and he tries to kiss you again but you raise your palm to block him.

“We’re on a kissing ban until midnight,” you tell him in a voice you liken to a dictator’s, “Until then, we may only cuddle.”

“We can fu-?”

“In your dreams, Yugyeom.” You roll your eyes at him. “Nothing of that sort.”

“But (Y/N)!” he protests. You just roll over to him and keep yourself in a position where he can’t reach your lips. “I can use my vampire strength, you know,” he reminds.

“You won’t.”

“What makes you think that?”

“You may not have a beating heart but you love me.” You take the risk and smile up at him, “And, because you love me, you won’t.”

And, though he groans, you spend the remaining minutes held in his arms as you sing along to the Christmas carols playing in the background. The fort you’ve built together remains sturdy in all that time, just like the love you share with each other this Christmas.

Tortures of Hell, With Lower Prices

With everyone heading back to school, I thought I would bring back this ridiculous thing I wrote about CS back to school shopping at Walmart. I wrote this ages ago, long before Hope and the combining of the realms, so this isn’t canon compliant at all. If that’s going to bother you, then just skip this. I don’t hate Hope, chill people. Also can be read on Ao3

It should have been a simple errand. Run into Dark Star Pharmacy on the way home from Granny’s, school supply list in hand. Emma should have known that nothing could be simple where Killian was concerned.

“Five dollars for a bloody notebook!” Killian practically roared. “This is practically robbery, Swan! And I should know, I’m a pirate.”

“But, Daddy!” Evan, their seven year old argued. “It has Star Wars on the front!”

“It ought to be engraved with gold for that price,” Killian grumbled.

“Honey,” Emma argued gently, placing a hand on his arm, “We’ve bought school supplies here for the past four years. And every year, you complain.” Which shouldn’t have surprised her. All prices in this realm were outrageous to her 300 year old pirate.

“Well someone has to! They’re cheating the citizens of our town. Doesn’t Regina care about this?”

Emma refrained from rolling her eyes. “It’s the only place in town that carries school supplies, Killian. They can basically charge whatever they want.”

“Well, they aren’t taking advantage of this pirate anymore, I can tell you that.” Killian snatched the notebook from Evan’s hand and put it back on the shelf, despite the seven year old’s protests. He had five year old Briar Rose hand over the Hello Kitty folder and the sparkly pink pencil case.

“But Daddy!” the little girl pouted. Emma knew Killian was serious when his little girl’s trembling lower lip didn’t sway him.

“If the game is rigged in Storybrooke, we’ll simply go elsewhere, love.”

Emma should have insisted they buy the school supplies at Dark Star; it was Friday night, and school started on Monday. But after being married to Killian for the past nine years, Emma had learned that when he set his mind to something, he was all in. And when Killian Jones was all in, he delivered.

After putting the children down for the night, Emma crawled into their king size bed where Killian was sitting up with Emma’s laptop (which he still referred to as “the magic box”). “Did you know, Emma, that this is tax-free weekend? There’s no sales tax on back to school items through midnight Sunday.”

Emma chuckled as she curled herself into Killian’s side. “There’s never any tax in Storybrooke.”

Killian’s tongue stuck out of his mouth and his eye’s narrowed as he continued clicking. “I know that Swan, but there’s sales tax everywhere else. So this is the best time to shop outside town.” A grin suddenly spread across his face. “A-ha!”

Emma leaned over to look at the screen. “No, Killian, please no! Not there!”

Killian wrinkled his brow in confusion. “Why ever not, Swan? They have the lowest prices, do they not?” Emma groaned as she pulled the covers over her head. Her voice came muffled through the fabric. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, Jones.”

Killian chuckled. “Now who’s being overdramatic? How bad can it be? Tomorrow morning, we’ll all head there. It will be a nice family outing.”

Emma pulled the blanket away and stared at Killian incredulously. “You want to take the kids?”

He shrugged one shoulder at her. “Why not?”

Emma opened her mouth, then closed it. At first, she wanted to flat out say no. But then a mischievous grin spread across her face. It should have given Killian pause, but it didn’t.

“Sure, sweetheart. We’ll all go to Wal-Mart.”

***********************************************

The closest town with a Wal-mart wasn’t all that far from Storybrooke. It was only a 20 minute drive. Despite that, the kids still begged to set the DVD players up in the mini-van. Yes, Captain Hook had a mini-van. They had made do with the bug until child number three came along. Two car seats would barely fit in the bug; three were impossible. To Emma’s shock, Killian had actually been the one to choose the van. Black, of course.

“You know the rule,” Emma reminded the kids. “DVDs are only for long trips – an hour or more.” The kids grumbled and complained until Emma reminded them that they had to behave if they wanted to look at the toys or get a free cookie from the bakery. Emma drove while Killian messed with his phone.

“Have you heard of this app, Emma?” he asked her, waving the device. She shook her head and grinned. He always sounded like a kid with a new toy when he discovered the wonders of modern technology. “You scan your receipt, it searches other stores, and if anyone else has a lower price, they give you the money back!”

When they pulled into the parking lot, Emma groaned. “This place is packed! We’ll have to park a mile away from the store!”

Killian’s jaw dropped. “I’ve never seen a parking lot so huge!”

The kids all began talking at once as Emma pulled into a space. If her husband and kids were this excited about Wal-mart, they really needed to start getting out of Storybrooke more often. They all piled out of the mini-van. “Six, guys,” Emma told them. “Remember the number six. That’s the aisle we parked on.”

The five of them walked through the front doors of the massive store and headed to the rows of shopping carts. Killian tugged one loose, then turned to the kids. He turned frantic eyes to Emma. “Where’s Evan?”

“Seriously?” asked Emma, scanning the store. “We lost one already?”

Killian pointed half way across the store. “There! See him?”

Emma let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. “Evan!” she called. “Get back over here!”

“But the sign says bakery,” Evan said, pointing at the neon sign. “You said we could get a cookie.”

“As a reward when we’re done,” Emma sighed. “Get back over here, and don’t wander away from us like that again.”

Evan grumbled and dragged his feet, but obeyed. Emma then turned to hoist three year old Ian into the seat at the front of the shopping cart. Ian shook his head vehemently. “I wanna walk!”

Emma took a deep breath and counted to three. They weren’t even all the way into the store yet! Why the hell had she agreed to this? “You’re too little to walk, honey. It’s a big store.”

Ian crossed his little arms and stuck out his lower lip. “Evan and Briar Rose get to walk. I a’ways too wittle!”

“Come on, Swan,” Killian argued, giving her his best puppy dog look. “Let him walk.”

Killian always caved when Ian complained about being little. Something about Liam always calling him “little brother.” Emma sighed in exasperation. “Fine! But if he takes off, you’re chasing after him!”

Killian took Ian’s hand and smiled down at him. Briar Rose jumped up to hang off the side of the cart like she always did at Storybrooke market. But since Ian wasn’t in the front seat, the cart began to tip. Emma and Killian grabbed it before it fell over on top of her. In her fear, Emma shouted at Briar Rose to watch what she was doing. It was the wrong thing to do. Their middle child was extremely sensitive and tender-hearted. Her lip immediately began to tremble and her green eyes filled up with giant crocodile tears. Before the wailing could begin, Killian scooped her up and began whispering in her ear. A tremulous smile crept across her face. Killian tickled her, and all was well. Another crisis averted.

“Shall we?” Killian asked her gallantly with a cocky grin. Emma narrowed her eyes at him, squeezing the handle of the shopping cart until her knuckles turned white. She would see that grin wiped off his face if it was the last thing she did in this stupid store.

They headed to the school supply section, which was pretty simple to find. All you had to do was follow the sounds of scolding parents, whining children, and general pandemonium. Killian muttered, “Bloody hell!” under his breath, and Emma couldn’t help tossing him her own cocky grin. “Why are Ziploc bags and Kleenex in the school supply section, Swan?”

“I asked my wife the same question,” complained a man to Killian’s left. “We didn’t have to buy all this crap when I was in school. Do you know what expo markers are?”

“Haven’t a clue.”

“Yeah,” the man muttered as he shouldered past a woman who was arguing with her twelve year old about a back pack, “neither do I.”

Out of curiosity, Killian grabbed one of the school supply lists from the nearby yellow display. He whistled under his breath at the list and was suddenly thankful for tiny Storybrooke Public School, K-12. Killian was suddenly shoved from behind, sending him tumbling into Emma, which caused the shopping cart she was maneuvering to crash into a plump woman in front of her.

“I am SO sorry!” Emma apologized.

The woman scoffed. “Well watch it next time, lady!”

Emma turned the cart (a difficult task, since one wheel wobbled ineffectually, not even touching the ground) down the paper aisle. Killian shifted Briar Rose to his other arm so he could pull the supply list out of his back pocket with his good hand.

“Spiral bound notebook; color of choice,” he read off for Emma.

“Which kid?”

Killian shuffled the two papers. “Um . . . both.”

Briar Rose scrambled down out of Killian’s arms, darting off between people and carts. Killian nervously kept his eyes trained on her dark bob with the giant pink bow. It had killed him and Emma at first to see her hair chopped off, but he had to admit the bob was adorable on Briar Rose and made her look uncannily like her grandmother. It was all the hairdresser could do to salvage Evan’s handiwork. They were acting out the end of Tangled, he had explained.

“I want this one, Mommy!” Briar Rose exclaimed, weaving through the mass of people. She held up her notebook of choice. “It’s Belle! And she’s reading a book in the library, just like in Storybrooke!”

Emma hurriedly tossed the notebook into the cart, glancing around nervously. But no one was paying a bit of attention to their daughter. Briar Rose scrambled into the cart, admiring the cover of her brand new notebook.

“Ok, Evan,” Emma asked. “What about you?” “I wanted Star Wars,” Evan whined. Emma and Killian bobbed and weaved amongst all the people, searching in vain for a Star Wars notebook. People behind them started grumbling for them to move along.

Emma straightened, pushing her hair out of her face in frustration. “Just pick something else, honey, ok?” She held up two notebooks. “Captain America or Ninja Turtles?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Captain America.” Killian had a sudden urge to back-hand the boy. You would have thought Emma had handed him cow dung.

“I want one, too!” Ian begged, jumping up and down.

“Sure, little man,” Killian agree. “Which one would you like?”

Ian grabbed a notebook identical to his older brother’s and hugged it to his chest. Evan groaned, “That’s the one I picked! He’s always copying me!”

Emma rolled her eyes. The combined eye rolls of the Jones family was probably going to set some kind of record. Emma grabbed two other notebooks.

“What about this one Ian? It has cars on it? Or dinosaurs?”

Ian shook his head, clutching the notebook tighter. “Uh-uh. I want Cap’n ‘Merica.”

Emma glanced around the shelves. “What about this one? It has Captain America, too.”

Ian stomped both legs and scrunched his face up until it turned red. “Not Iron Man! Just Cap’n ‘Merica!”

Emma began rubbing her temple. She was definitely getting a headache. “What about this?” Killian asked behind her. “It’s Captain America’s shield.” Emma held Killian’s gaze, both of them holding their breath as the toddler contemplated the choice.

“kay,” Ian finally agreed, grabbing the notebook and tossing it into the cart. Emma and Killian both let out a relieved breath.

“Killian!” Emma cried out, giving his shoulder a shove. “Quick, 2nd-3rd grade lined paper! Behind you; there’s only one pack left!”

Killian whirled around, frantically scanning the shelves. There! He grabbed for it, but just as he did, so did another hand with long, sharp red fingernails. He looked up into the determined eyes of a frazzled mother. Killian sighed. Good form and all of that. He relinquished the paper.

Emma’s frustrated voice came from over his shoulder. “Killian!”

Just then, his salvation came in the form of a blue vest with a name tag that read “Brittany.” The crowd in the aisle seemed to magically part before her. She ripped open a cardboard box, setting out several new tablets of 2nd-3rd grade lined paper. Out of nowhere, dozens of other shoppers descended on them like locusts. Killian found himself in a struggle for the coveted paper, but finally, finally, he had some in his hands! “Pre-k/1st grade paper too, Killian!” Emma shouted behind him. After a brief struggle, he pushed himself out of the throng, paper in hand.

“My hero!” Emma teased, giving him a peck on the cheek.

Killian pulled the supply lists out of his pocket once again and groaned as he looked it over. At least it didn’t include the elusive expo markers, but they still had a long way to go.

“Okay, kids!” Emma said brightly. “On to the pencil aisle!”

Evan flung himself onto the floor, right there in the middle of the aisle. Killian looked around in a panic, expecting his son to be run over at any moment. “I want my cookie NOW!” he whined in the most annoying way imaginable.

“Get. Up.” Killian hissed between gritted teeth.

“Not only does he look just like you,” Emma quipped, “he inherited your flair for the dramatic.”

Killian glared at Emma, then nudged his oldest son with the toe of his boot. “Get off your arse, son. You’re making a spectacle of yourself.”

Evan groaned and did as his father asked. To Killian’s right, an older woman huffed and narrowed her eyes at Killian. “Well I never in all my days heard a father talk that way to a child,” she complained to her husband, loud enough for everyone around her to hear.

Emma grabbed Killian by the arm just as he opened his mouth to speak. “Don’t, Killian,” Emma said sternly as her husband clenched his jaw. “It isn’t worth it. Judging parents at Wal-mart is almost a national past time. Let it go.”

Killian sighed and rubbed his forehead. Now he was getting a head ache. Emma decided to have pity on him. Rubbing his arm she asked, “Why don’t I finish the list on my own? You can take the kids over to look at the toys.”

The kids all perked up at that. “Toys!” they all cried in unison. Briar Rose scrambled out of the cart, tossing her Princess Belle notebook heedlessly to the bottom. Killian grinned down at Emma. “I love you.”

She smirked back. “I know.”

Killian handed Emma the school supply list, Ian yanking impatiently on his arm. When he turned around, the older two had almost sprinted out of sight. “Evan! Briar Rose! Wait for me!” Killian jogged after them, scooping Ian up in his arms. He couldn’t believe the size of the toy section when they reached it. Toyland, Storybrooke’s lone toy store, wasn’t even as big as this one section of Wal-mart. Immediately, Killian faced a dilemma. Briar Rose wanted to look at the doll aisle. Evan wanted to look at the Lego sets. Ian wanted to look at the Thomas trains. Killian ran his hand wearily down his face. “Okay. Evan, you’re old enough to go over to the Legos by yourself I suppose. Just don’t go anywhere else. Ian, we’ll look at Thomas trains AFTER we look at dolls with your sister. She’s always having to do boy things, so it’s only fair.”

Ian, of course, stomped his little feet again in frustration. When Killian continued to tell him no, he sprinted down the aisle and around the corner. “Ian!” Killian yelled. He glanced back at Briar Rose, then down the end of the aisle where his three year old had disappeared. Growling in frustration, he scooped up his daughter and raced for the aisle that said “Thomas,” but when he got there . . . no Ian. His heart suddenly constricted in his chest. Where was he? And what would Emma say? “Ian! Ian!” he continued to shout as he raced up one aisle and down another. He finally found him in the last place he had thought to look – the Lego aisle, standing next to his big brother, both admiring a Lego set of the Millenium Falcon. Killian let out a shaky breath, setting Briar Rose down as his heart slowed its erratic beating.

But there was no rest for the weary, apparently. Evan turned suddenly to his father, legs crossed, hands cupping his privates. “I gotta pee. Now!”

Killian groaned. “Do you know where it is?”

“Yeah, I think.”

“Ok, well, run in that direction. You too, Briar Rose. Ian and I will be right behind you.”

Killian turned to find that his three year old had turned into a helpless puddle on the floor. “Nooo!” he wailed. “Toys!” Killian picked him up, but the child’s limbs dangled and dragged on the floor. How did toddlers will themselves to become heavy when having a tantrum? Killian hoisted Ian over one shoulder, still kicking and screaming as he raced down the aisle. When he came out into the large center aisle, Evan and Briar Rose were nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, it only took him a moment to find the sign that said “Restroom.” He ran as fast as he could in that direction, following the signs until he ended up in front of the men’s room just as Evan was exiting. Once again, Killian found himself looking around frantically.

“Where’s your sister?” “I dunno,” Evan said with a shrug of his shoulders. Killian wanted to back-hand him for the second time that day. Didn’t he know Briar Rose was a helpless five year old girl?

“Well – think son! When did you see her last?”

“She got distracted by Zootopia. On the TVs.”

Killian raced back out into the main part of the store.

“Look, Daddy, Star Wars!” Killian looked behind him, frustrated to see Evan looking at DVDS.

“I don’t have time for this Evan! We lost your sister!” Killian stomped back over to Evan, grabbing him by the elbow and dragging him away from the DVDS. As Killian turned back around, he saw the same older couple from earlier. The woman was muttering and giving him the most condescending look, but at that point, he could really care less. He had to find Briar Rose! She was such an adorable little thing; what if someone had grabbed her? He saw the movie Evan had mentioned, but there was a whole row of dozens of televisions playing the same thing. Finally, he heard the sound of crying. Ahead of him, at the end of an aisle stood Briar Rose, turning frantically in circles. Killian raced to her, falling to his knees and enveloping his little girl in a hug, managing to keep hold of the boys in the process.

“Anything I need to know?” came a familiar voice from behind them.

Killian stood to face Emma, holding tight to all three children. “Yes, Swan,” Killian growled. “We’re leaving. NOW.” He deposited Ian in the seat at the front of the cart, ignoring the child’s protests as he buckled him in.

“Have a rough time?” Emma asked, trying to keep a straight face.

“This place is worse than torture in hell, Swan!” Killian snapped. “And I should know!”

Emma scoffed. “Please, Killian, don’t exaggerate. Besides, you were in the underworld, not hell.”

“Well I’d rather face Hades a million times over than endure this place one second longer. Come on children, don’t dawdle.”

All three of them began to protest: “But what about our cookies?” “We didn’t get to look at the toys at all!” “Thomas trains!”

“NO!” Killian cut them off firmly, raising his good hand in the air. “I lost each of you –“

“You did?” Emma asked, but Killian continued without even acknowledging the question.

“ – got knocked over by who knows how many people, had to endure more whining from the three of you than any father should have to endure, and there’s a lady in her somewhere who’s probably calling an orphanage as we speak because she thinks I’m an unfit parent.”

“Children’s services, Killian, not an orphanage.”

“Whatever. Let’s pay for this rubbage and get the hell out of here.”

Killian turned the dilapidated cart awkwardly towards checkout, the children for once completely silent.

************************************************

An hour later, Killian sat in a booth at McDonald’s his head resting wearily against Emma’s shoulder. The kids had acted like total brats at Wal-mart, but they were all starving by the time they left the store, and they hadn’t gotten the cookies, after all. Storybrooke didn’t have a McDonald’s either, and Emma and Killian felt like Wal-mart had been just as much torture for the children as it had been for them. Besides, after Killian’s outburst they had been perfect angels.

“Swan, next year, just tell me to shut up and buy the damn school supplies at Dark Star.”

Emma chuckled, running her fingers through Killian’s dark hair. The children were burning off all their energy on the playground. Hopefully, they would all sleep on the trip home. Emma could have told Killian “I told you so,” but instead, she just kissed the top of his head. Killian’s phone dinged and Emma picked it up from where it sat on the table. She giggled when she saw what it was. She stuck the phone in front of Killian’s face. “Look how much you got back with savings catcher, honey.”

“Bloody hell,” Killian groaned, slumping forward to rest his forehead on the table, “you’ve got to be kidding me!”

“Nope,” Emma replied, still laughing, “we got back a whopping twenty-nine cents. They say they’ll transfer it to a Wal-mart gift card.”

Killian lifted his head and scowled at Emma. She leaned over and began massaging his shoulders. Leaning even closer, she whispered in his ear, “You know, I did pick up a little something after I got all the school supplies. Something for me to wear . . . tonight.”

Killian suddenly sat up eagerly, all smiles. “Really?”

Emma withdrew a Wal-mart bag from her purse and dangled it teasingly in front of him. Killian snatched it out of her hands and peeked inside. His face fell. “That’s cruel, Swan.”

Emma’s laughter was spilling out now in hiccupping gasps. Briar Rose came bouncing over. “Mommy got you a present?” she asked, looking inside the bag. She pulled out the pink grandma nightgown. “Ooohh, Mommy, pretty! It’s got kitty cats!”

Emma doubled over laughing now, tears streaming down her face. Killian waggled a finger at her, a cocky grin spreading across his face. “Just wait until tonight, Swan. I know how to wipe that grin right off your face.” As hideous as the nightgown may be, Killian knew it would look rather fetching in a heap on the ground after he had removed it from his Swan’s lovely figure.

Emma wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes. She knew this wasn’t exactly the fun Killian had envisioned back in Neverland, but her husband versus the modern world was an endless source of amusement for Emma. She was suddenly eager for the holiday season.

She couldn’t wait to introduce Killian to lay-away.

No longer lost in translation, a Whisky Tourist’s Guide to Japan

Tokyo has long had a special place in my heart, when I visited the first time I was a whisky fan who was exploring a city that had long been a fascination to me, now a decade later I returned with work and my experiences were a little different this time. Here is the GreatDrams whisky tourist's guide to Japan.

Check out the GreatDrams Ultimate Bar Guide to Tokyo too

Also see the detailed look at the Hakushu Distillery

Finally check out the most unrepeatable Japanese whisky tasting I've ever taken part in

Japan is more westernised now, easy to navigate and easy to communicate. Only time I needed my Google Translate app was in Duty Free to explain the concept of a flight transfer. Last time I was here it felt like another world, now it feels like my world; easier to navigate and communicate than France was when last there a year ago.

But has this westernisation come at a cost? I’m not sure in truth, but there were obvious let downs for me; I had spent ages pre-trip relearning business customs, phrases for getting around and how to order various sushi and drinks, but none of that was needed. And only one bar, Bar Butler, hand carved the ice balls whereas last time I was in town every bar did.

Maybe I have a romantic view of my last trip here a full decade ago, tho unlikely as I remember it vividly as I was ill for much of it with a form of Guillaume-Barre disease that effectively paralysed all the muscles in my face, meaning I had to manually chew and drink all drinks including neat whisky through a straw (would not be able to do that in the West now, but straws and plastic bags are everywhere here) which set in six hours after I landed in Japan and lasted until ten days after I was home. It was scary but I was so convinced I’d never be back here, and I am not one to really dwell on stuff like that, that I travelled the whole city, saw it and experienced it all. Who knew; the face freeze might have spread elsewhere as Guillaume-Barre often does, but it normally starts from the legs up, so I had to get on with things whilst I could.

Hence why I don’t think there is a huge amount of romantic rose tinted glasses retrospection here… although last time I did get to meet a monkey and have a photo with him, though like most photos from that trip I look miserable despite having an absolute belter as my face muscles could not raise a smile… I must have been the moodiest-looking tourist ever.

What hasn’t changed is the how busy and the extreme individuality of nearly every citizen within a culture of extreme conformity.

One of the things I was most impressed with was the people; they are so approachable and gentle, even if they cannot speak English they do their best to work out what you are saying.

The best example of this was when I was bar-hunting I kept getting to the address on Google and then drawing a blank as the addresses are so random and there are so many floors to each building with very few properly sign-posted that it is so hard to work out how to get in there unless you know the area. With that in mind I had to ask a LOT of people for help with directions and two in particular were incredible. If they can’t direct you they will walk you where you need to go, as noted in my Ultimate Bar Guide to Tokyo, “there was one guy who walked five blocks in circles asking people until it was clear it was impossible to find the place, then there was the guy who walked back from where he was going to discover the bar was on the 8th floor of his apartment block and he never knew. Be prepared to clock the steps in trying to hunt them down”.

Unbelievable.

[divider]BARS[/divider]

Japanese whisky was once the pride of each bar, now a selection of limited edition and single cask Scotches haves replaced that as they cater more for locals - which is understandable, but a challenge for tourists.

If you’re looking for bars, firstly check out my Ultimate Bar Guide to Tokyo, but here are the ones I would highly recommend:

Butler Ginza Branch

8 Chome-7-7 Ginza, Chūō, Tokyo 104-0061, Japan

Le Connaisseur

〒104-0061 Tokyo, Chūō, Ginza, ８丁目-４-２６

Tokyo Whisky Library

〒107-0062 Tokyo, Minato, Minamiaoyama, ５丁目5−24 南青山サンタキアラ教会

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Bar Benfiddich

〒160-0023 Tokyo, Shinjuku, Nishishinjuku, 1 Chome−13−7 大和家ビル

El Calvador

SK Bldg 4F, 1-3 Maruyamacho, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo

Shinagawa Highball Bar

Exit Shinagawa Station using the East Exit and walk about 300 metres straight ahead of you, you cannot miss it

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Hibiya Bar Whisy-S II

8F Noco Building 5-6-5 Ginza, Chuo-ku

[divider]BUYING WHISKY IN JAPAN[/divider]

No whisky tourist's guide to Tokyo would be complete without a list of retailers you should try to visit if you’re looking for interesting whiskies, although there are no guarantees that there will be any gems, but you simply never know and ranges seem to change daily in some of them:

Liquors Hasegawa

http://www.liquors-hasegawa.com

〒104-0028 Tokyo, Chūō, Yaesu, 2 Chome−1, 八重洲地下街中4号

Liquor Mountain

1-2-16, Kabuki-cho, Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo

Shinanoya World Wine and Foods - Shinjuku

Absolutely brilliant range of bottles - including limited edition Scotch and Irish whiskeys, as well as standard Japanese bottlings. 〒160-0021 Tokyo, 新宿区Kabukicho, 1 Chome−12−9 タテハナビル

A family-run liquor store about 300 metres down the road (east)

Just down the road from World and Liquor Mountain, I’m pretty sure it was a mom and pop store and was crazy cluttered, but at the back of the shop was a glass-fronted cabinet with a load of local bottles as well as some Scotch offerings and various interesting Japanese bottles too.

Isetan Department store

Great store, like the Harrods of Tokyo, and not only has it got a few great bottles there you can buy samples of many of the bottles they sell so you can try the stuff as well as buying it.

〒160-0022 3-14-1, Shinjuku, Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo

Isetan Duty Free store near the Ginza Station

Address: 104-8212 4-6-16, Ginza, Chuo-ku, Tokyo

The best part of this store is that, whilst their range is super-limited, you can buy the bottles and pick them up at the airport once you are past security to save on your luggage packing, given you will probably have other bottles to pack in as well!

  [divider]MOVING AROUND THE COUTRY VISITING DISTILLERIES[/divider]

Tokyo, and Japan a whole, is really easy to move around, make sure before you travel you get a JR Pass from jrpass.com, it will cost £206 with special delivery and arrives super-swiftly. This will be your gateway to Tokyo and the whole of Japan as, as long as you use any of the JR lines which take you all over the place.

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Make sure you get a SkyRoam device, I hired one for around £115 plus £7 per day I was away and it was invaluable; it is effectively ‘internet in your pocket’ and actually felt like I was carrying ‘the internet’ each day. Good battery, allows you to connect five devices at once to it and mimics a local 4G network which you then connect to without paying more than your daily fee through SkyRoam. Marvellous. At times I got better connection than I do in my office! Buy here, and yes for this one I have an affiliate link as I was so impressed with it. Use coupon code GREATDRAMS to save 10% on your booking... win-win. 

One thing to say up front; don’t expect many, if any distillery exclusives to add to your collection, Suntory do not seem to see the value in them and the distilleries I visited were too young to have mature spirit, although Asaka had bottles of their spirit that had been aged in various casks for up to six months available for around £28 - £40.

Gaia Flow

Travel on the Bullet Train from Shinagawa Station, which takes about 50 minutes - I would advise going to the ticket booking office and reserving a seat free of charge as these trains get really packed and you do not want to stand all that way.

Once you arrive at the Shizuoka Station, take a 35 minute taxi to Gaia Flow. Taxis will be outside the station to the left, and they are unlikely to know where you are going so show them the address and if you have a GPS device pre-load it so they can have a look.

Definitely call or email ahead of your visit as their visitor centre won’t be fully open until mid-way through 2019 but they are set up for brief tours if you so desire but it is courteous to let them know before you arrive so they can be free.

Asaka

From where you are staying take the JR line to Tokyo Station, which is MASSIVE, and take the bullet train to Kohriyama Station which will take about 80 minutes if memory serves. Then get a taxi to the Asaka Distillery. Again get in touch before going to ensure they are available and able to show you around. They have a shop which take cash only, but where you can try numerous young versions of their spirit including one maturing in Mizunara wood. They usually have limited edition whiskies in for purchase too that are limited to around 300 bottles each.

Hakushu

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Nearest station: Kobuchizawa, 1 hours 59 minutes from Shinjuku station in central Tokyo, then a 15 minute taxi to the distillery (or use the courtesy bus put on by the distillery at the weekend if it works with your itinerary). Simple.

[divider]IN SUMMARY[/divider]

Check out the GreatDrams Ultimate Bar Guide to Tokyo too

Also see the detailed look at the Hakushu Distillery

Finally check out the most unrepeatable Japanese whisky tasting I've ever taken part in

Japan is a phenomenal country with awesome people and an amazing amount of things to see and culture to experience so make sure you plan well and pay attention to train times as they are NEVER late.

The post No longer lost in translation, a Whisky Tourist’s Guide to Japan appeared first on GreatDrams.

from GreatDrams https://ift.tt/2NJgEkA Greg

※ JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. IX ※

here’s sentences from 10 more of jenna’s videos! feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! more jenna sentences

PANCAKE ART CHALLENGE

“I’m not very good at drawing things.”

“Yours won. Yours so won.”

“It looks like a feral cat.”

“You’re just pretending to be a chef.”

“I made your forehead in pancake form.”

“Don’t look at mine - don’t look at mine…!”

“She looks like a ghost of herself.”

“It looks like a tombstone walking a dog.”

“It looks like a can of silly string gone wrong.”

“That’s a bunny. You draw it every single time we’re at dinner and you find a crayon or a pen. That’s the one thing you know how to draw really, really well.”

“So it’s a flamethrower?”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“I’m gonna put this on your bed tonight. On your pillow.”

“It’s an Ankylosaurus, duh.”

“Can you autograph my pancake?”

“I wonder if it tastes good.”

“It looks like a weird calculator.”

“If he can do it, we can do it, too.”

“In the end, we both lost.”

“It was a lot harder than it looks.”

CHILDHOOD STORIES

“There are some moths in my house, and I don’t really want to kill them, but they are driving me crazy. I swear to god, if they start chewing my clothes, it’s gonna be game over. I’m gonna burn this house down.”

“I have lost my mind a little bit.”

“Worship me, Pinterest.”

“I feel like I am now the queen of DIY.”

“We would just sit there, and maybe look out the window, and maybe talk to each other.”

“You really needed a friend, but I really liked to play with it alone.”

“What did you do? That looks so cool!”

“I forgot I had a rope, and I forgot this thing called friction happens, and I sawed it in half.”

“I didn’t say anything to my dad, because I knew that that would be certain death.”

“I am a really bad liar and I have a terrible poker face.”

“My brother wasn’t going to tattle on me, because he is not a snitch, and I appreciate that.”

“It was like top ten most angry moments I’ve ever seen my dad.”

“Shut up, my gerbil is not fat.”

“Dude, your gerbil is so fat.”

“It was the most disgusting thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

“Sometimes, if your mom can’t take care of you, she’s just going to eat you.”

“I took a pair of scissors, and I decided to give my cat a haircut.”

“Damn it, now the cat’s gonna get his head stuck in everything.”

“I’m fired, I quit, I’m fired.”

MY DOG CHASING A DRONE

“I got Julien a drone for his birthday.”

“He really just loves to chase it.”

“Why fight it when you can just work with it?”

“It really is completely hysterical.”

“This is what I want to watch on the Internet.”

“We love each other forever.”

“I would never do anything to put him in any sort of danger.”

“We work together to make fun things happen.”

“It’s just really cool and really amazing and I just wanted to share it with you.”

“You don’t even care, do you?”

UNPOPULAR OPINIONS

“Do you need a snack or anything? You good?”

“I think avocados are propaganda in Southern California.”

“You hate something as meaningless as an avocado, Jenna? Really?”

“If I was a ghost, I wouldn’t just help people when they needed me, I’d be there all the time.”

“What’re you doing? Cutting your nails? I’m gonna stand here and watch.”

“Are you ever truly alone? I say no.”

“Why am I turning? I hate this chair…!”

“I don’t think ghosts and/or spirits just limit their visitation hours to when you need them. I think they’re there all the time. Creeping on you.”

“I think parasailing is boring as fuck.”

“That looks intense, count me out.”

“It’s very boring. It’s not worth it.”

“Why are you so famous? It really bothers me to the core of my being.”

“I think almond butter tastes like blood. I think it’s gross, and it tastes like blood.”

“I think tonic water tastes like earwax.”

“I think that making a salad is way too much work for the end result.”

“I’m not really talented at hard manual labor, which I’m sure my grandparents would find as a character flaw.”

“I think Jenna is the best name ever. Sorry, all other names.”

“I would buy her a drink like the gentleman I am.”

“I have a landlord that says no, but I say otherwise.”

“Go check out the otters. You won’t be disappointed.”

“They’re literally just there to have a great time.”

“I mean, it’s cool to see you, man, but you seem sad.”

“I think curtains are way too expensive for what they are, and a waste of money.”

“I’d see that, like, four times in the theater.”

“I’m legitimately terrified of prescription drugs.”

“I don’t really care what anybody says. I mean, I do a little bit.”

“Think for yourself, use your own brain, it’s a fun thing to do.”

REVIEWING BAD APPS

“Guess what? This is life.”

“I think it’s funnier now that the song is two years old.”

“If I paid money for it, I’m angry about it.”

“This is the weirdest fucking app.”

“I think it’s genius. I think it’s great.”

“Does this not know that google exists?”

“Did that horse fall?”

“Is this porn? Is this porn? This feels porny.”

“This one makes me feel like I’m really there.”

“That’s pretty annoying.”

“It’s not the worst, but it’s also not not the worst.”

“One small tattoo for man, one giant leap backwards for mankind.”

“Oh my god, oh my god, that’s nightmare fuel.”

“It’s so stupid that it’s amazing.”

“Just that name is the funniest thing ever.”

��Oh, I hate this so fucking much.”

“Think of all the times you just needed a candle, but you don’t have one.”

“Whenever I find something really cool, I just tell Julien, and he never appreciates it, so I hope you appreciate it.”

GIRLS DAY

“It’s time to go.”

“This is the cutest shovel I’ve ever seen.”

“I got this on sale!”

“I feel crazy.”

JENNA’S RACHET FASHION BOUTIQUE

“I like to sew, even though I’m not very good at it. I just refuse to fail.”

“We used to have to take home economics, where you learn how to sew and cook and stuff, and, apparently, people don’t take that anymore.”

“I still am mediocre at it.”

“If shit ever went down at a zombie apocalypse, everyone’s gonna be butt-ass naked, and I’m gonna be over here, sewing, with electricity.”

“I’m just gonna try and sew myself a sick outfit.”

“I also don’t want to spend a lot of time doing this.”

“Fuck patterns, fuck all that shit, let’s just do it live.”

Everything that I sew is gonna be with navy blue and/or black thread, which, if you have a problem with, just go away now.”

“I’m gonna make a long maxi skirt, ‘cause those are overpriced.”

“I would do this drunk, but it seems really dangerous to sew drunk.”

“Something smells like burning.”

“It looks crooked, but you just pass it off as fashion.”

“Get your scissors, and cut whatever the fuck is bothering you the fuck out.”

“Backwards and forwards and backwards, it’s just like life.”

“The best way to learn is to just look at a shirt, and make it.”

“Just don’t even bother finishing anything.”

“Yes. Yes, cape, yes.”

“Somebody could have made something really nice out of this. Not me!”

“I’m literally wearing a tube of pajamas, and I love it.”

“When I was at the fabric store, I saw this, and just really couldn’t resist.”

“What lady going to a ball couldn’t fit this into her wardrobe?”

“A fun, exciting fabric to make a hat out of is denim.”

“Don’t laugh, it’s fashion!”

“If you saw this, you’d be like, that is couture.”

“I really should’ve just made my entire outfit out of this, but that’s for next time.”

“Looks great. I’m scared of you, but it looks good.”

“I feel like the outside matches the inside.”

“Yes, bitch, you fuck that outfit up.”

“Honestly, I’d wear this shirt. And this skirt.”

THINGS I WISH I COULD LIE ABOUT

“I’m also sorry. But not that sorry.”

“Most of it just stems from being terrified of authority. I’m scared of getting in trouble.”

“Whenever someone asks me for my phone number, I always give out my real phone number. I can never lie and give them a fake number.”

“I’m terrified of having that confrontation.”

“Yeah, I got it really wet. It’s soaking wet. Just fully submerged in water. It’s wet.”

“I just wish that I could lie, but I feel too bad, I have to tell the truth.”

“I could’ve saved myself a lot of money with just a couple lies.”

“Their dogs are not therapy dogs, and you can tell.”

“I know for a fact that, by saying yes to that question, I’m just gonna get a lecture for the next ten minutes.”

“I don’t need to hear the lecture. I know the lecture.”

“Eggplant? Ew! The fuck is wrong with — my god, no…!”

“I don’t need to violently argue with someone when they say they don’t like something.”

“I can never, ever, ever lie to a police officer or a cop, ever.”

“I wasn’t speeding that much, but I was definitely speeding.”

“I was listening to R. Kelly’s World’s Greatest, and it was just getting me so hyped up that I just, I went so fast, I didn’t realize how fast I was going.”

“He gave me a $300 speeding ticket.”

“That started the ‘do not play’ list in the car.”

“You’re singing with your eyes closed, which is not good for driving, at all.”

“I think this is a good look. I think we should make this a thing.”

“Some of you guys are fuckin lying.”

HOW I TALK TO PEOPLE AT PARTIES

“Oh my god, how’s it going? So good to see you!”

“Hey, thanks, I’m a catch.”

“It’s a conversation, we should listen.”

“I don’t wanna listen…”

“I’m gonna use my eyes and pretend I’m listening.”

“She just asked us a question — did you hear what she asked us?”

“So how’s, uh… how’s what’s his face?”

“I just don’t want her to tell the tree story again.”

“One time, I was climbing this tree in my backyard…”

“She can smell your fear, you know.”

“I can smell time. It’s 11:30.”

“I can rap. Quadruple threat.”

“Did you watch the baseball game the other night?”

“Are we drunk?”

“This is bad, we shouldn’t have said that, why did we say that?”

“Hey, we should get this pierced.”

“Do you feel like breaking something?”

“I really love you so much.”

“She’s already drunk ‘I love you’-ing.”

“At least she didn’t make any drunk plans yet.”

“We are not going to remember that. Not at all.”

“What do you think happens when you put a ton of lettuce into a woodchipper?”

“I fucking hate you guys. You guys are idiots.”

“My brain is a terrifying prison.”

WHAT’S IN MY MOUTH CHALLENGE

“Why are you laughing already? Stop laughing.”

“You put the heel of my boot in my mouth? What are you, insane?”

“This touches the ground?”

“I was mad, sorry.”

“No, this is not going to turn into you solving a Rubik’s cube.”

“Who makes appointments a year in advance? I do.”

“This is my inhaler, you asshole!”

“Did you just say scoff?”

“You sinus-blasted me?!”

“Do you have any idea the mental preparation you need to have before you take one of those!?”

“As soon as it hit my tongue, I knew I was fucked.”

“Open up, we are playing a game.”

“Julien, my mouth tastes like Christmas tree!”

“Oh my god, what the fuck is that? It’s wet…”

“Open up all the way.”

“You put yeast in my mouth. That was fucked up.”

“Wow… I hate you.”

Ice AgeTrail November 6 and 7, 2020

Last time we were here, we had the experience of “winter” hiking with 6” of snow and we were all pleasantly surprised with how much we enjoyed that, as long as it’s not too cold. During one of our dinners last time, Dan commented about someone’s post in the Facebook group about night hiking, and we thought we’d want to try that sometime. Well, as usual, we jumped right in and night hiked on Friday. But it’s a long story about how that happened.

As a group, we could only swing a two-day hike in November, so we agreed to do to 15+ mile days to still cover some good miles and make the trip there worthwhile. I booked a VRBO for two nights, on the Wisconsin River in the township of Irma, a little east of where we’d be but lucky to find that in this remote part of Wisconsin. Everyone but Gary came up on Thursday night and we all arrived around 4pm in time to enjoy the beautiful weather on the deck and the sunset over the river.

Independently, Dan and I both scouted the drop off and shuttle route so we confidently told Gary to drive directly to the starting point and we’d meet him there at 8am Friday morning. The rest of us left the cabin at 7am in two cars and drove into the New Wood State Wildlife Area with a plan to drop a car at the beginning of the Camp 27 segment and then travel to meet Gary. We ran into a snag when the gravel roads on Dan’s route were gated closed, and the roads on my map never materialized. Of course, no one had cell signal to pull up a map. Using the Guthook app I figured out that we were at the END of the Camp 27 segment so we decided to leave Lynn’s car there, even though it’d add 2.9 miles onto our 15+ mile day. Then we set out to drive to meet Gary, but with no detailed maps or cell service, we decided to drive the route that we knew would get us there, which was north to Tomahawk and around the way that became so familiar to us last month. Along the way, we got enough signal to let Gary know we’d be an hour late. If you’re doing the math, we now added nearly three miles, but lost an hour of daylight in our car shuttle. Plus, with going off daylight savings last week, we knew it’d be dark about 4:30pm.

The weather was spectacular. Two weeks ago when we started the Wood Lake segment, it was 17 degrees and the snow was crusty. Friday morning most people started in shorts and T-shirts and the temperature reached into the high sixties and most of the day felt HOT!

Both days of this hike took us through logging areas, some currently being logged, but mostly old camps and logging roads from the early 1900s. Our guide book said that parts of today’s trail would be on an old railroad right-of-way that was constructed in 1902 and ran between Rib Lake and Tomahawk.  

 There were some wonderful interpretive signs in the area around New Wood Lake - a beautiful area purchased by the state for $250,000 in the 1970s.  We passed through Wood Lake County Park, and were delighted to find pit toilets open! There were three groups of people camped there, enjoying the unseasonable November weather.  The lake was beautiful, and I was delighted to see that motors are prohibited – this would be a great place to come back to!  The signs told of Hemlocks that were so big two people couldn’t stretch their arms around them – the kind they’d use those huge two person saws and axes to fell.  The lumberjacks worked primarily in the winter, icing the roads to transport the logs by sleds.  Besides the human logging activity, we saw lots of beaver activity and traversed quite a few beaver dams over these two days.

With the pressure of burning daylight on Friday, we kept our focus on moving and took limited breaks and photos during the day. We’d hiked over 4 miles before we took our first “packs off backs” break! I thought back to some of our guided trips and how the guides would get so frustrated with our dawdling ... they’d have been proud of how focused we can be when it’s necessary.

We finished off the beautiful Wood Lake segment, and promptly went into the Timberland Wilderness segment with lots of ups and downs and over eskers.  In this segment, we crossed from Taylor into Lincoln county.  Our guidebook describes Lincoln County as “some of the most isolated experiences on the Trail,” we found that to be true!

The Wood Lake segmet ended at Tower Road, which we were supposed to have driven along during this morning’s shuttle?! It also marked the Guthook app official 300 mile point. We walked the 1.9 mile CR to where we were should have ended the day, but we had 2.9 miles to get to the car and about 30 minutes of daylight. With breaks, we average 2 miles an hour typically but on Friday we were averaging a mile every 24 minutes.

The Camp 27 segment started with a large beaver dam and then a river crossing, lucky that we did those while we still had a bit of daylight! Most of the trail today was a thick pile of dry leaves. While they were soft and crunchy for walking through, they camouflaged rock and roots, so we all did a lot of stumbling, more so as we got tired. The sky through the trees turned pretty pink, and then it turned from dusk to dark. Many of us had headlamps or flashlights and we agreed to stay close as we picked our way through the woods. We had a pretty easy time of seeing the blazes, and enough people had been through ahead of us that you could usually count on crushed leaves as a way to ensure you’re on the trail.  The creepiest part was when you stepped in soft mud without anticipating it.  It was a little unsettling to have your feet just start sliding.  We’re so noisy that I didn’t expect we’d see wildlife, but from time to time I did look into the woods to see if I’d see eyes shinning back at me. The only time I did see “eyes,” it was a large black spider right on the trail.  Not a fan of spiders, but that was pretty cool.

We hiked about 2 miles in the dark. We’d left Lynn and Kent’s car at a trailhead, but there was a locked gate and we knew we’d have to walk about 1/4 mile down the road to get to their car. Dan was watching on the Guthook app as we neared the end of the Camp 27 segment so that directed us out to the road. When we got there though, it was so disorienting to me! It was a two-way road, and we could see the next segment New Wood beginning across the road. I also had a paper copy of the map which showed the gate and the parking area, but I just couldn’t reconcile this road going into two directions. Tam, who self-admittedly is bad with directions, had a feeling it’d be to the right so she and I marched off in the direction. After about 0.5 miles and no gate, I knew it wasn’t right. I stopped and looked at the paper map again, and realized the New Wood segment would be on our right, not our left. I turned the group around, and while I was feeling confident (finally) I was also feeling a lot of pressure from the whole group to lead them to out of here. This area is the New Wood conservation area and it has dozens of parking areas, I prayed I was leading us to the right one. I can’t describe the joy and relief when my headlamp picked up the reflective tape on the gate, and behind that, the reflectors on the car!

And while that was relief, there was still the matter that Gary and Dan’s cars were still an hour away, and then an hour back to the cabin! It wasn’t as late as it seemed, it was not quite 6pm when we got to the car. Kent drove us back to the cabin, dropped most of us there, Jeff and I showered, Lynn finished dinner prep and by 8pm they were back from the car shuttle and we all sat down to dinner:  beef stew, salad and pumpkin bars for dessert. It was easy to say grace and thank God for getting us through the tough and trying day, and not just though it, but to have had such a glorious day in a beautiful wilderness.

Jeff confessed he’d been doing a mental inventory of what was in his pack in case we ended up spending the night out there, and most agreed they’d been doing the same thing. It was a mild night and we would have been just fine, but I’m glad we didn’t have to test it out!

 Saturday morning, we were up at 6am with the goal of being out of the cabin around 7. The. group is good at the morning routine, although we were challenged by a smaller kitchen this time.

We headed out with all 4 cars packed, we were in the lead due to my retained status as chief navigator. However, even though Dan had just said to me that this morning would be our shortest drive to the drop site, I was messing with getting my boots on and completed missed it! We were halfway to the starting point before I realized it, bummer to have to turn around and go back. Nonetheless, we completed the drop, drove two cars to the start, and just a little after 8am, we were walking back through the gate and taking a left into the New Wood segment.

I was feeling really flat today and it was great to be able to hang back and not feel rushed. The leaves were heavy with dew, so the sound was more muted today. It was another amazing unseasonably warm November day!

A couple miles into the trail, we spotted a partially deflated balloon over in the woods. We can’t stand little pieces of trash on the trail, and that pink balloon was really harsh to see so Tam walked over to retrieve it. When she discovered it said ‘Happy Birthday,’ she tied it to my backpack, and my birthday week continued (plus by then I was wearing a black shirt and green pants to it added to my visibility)!

A lot of today’s hike followed old logging roads so we could easily walk side by side. The guidebook stated that the Timber Wolf have reestablished themselves here and are thriving, but all we saw today was scat (containing fur) on the trail which was probably from wolves.

The end of the segment walked along the New Wood River, which was beautiful and had several benches to sit and enjoy the view. Tam and Dad had a porcupine cross the trail in front of them and climb a pine tree – that was exciting!

We met a couple hiking towards us.  They didn’t have much gear and Gary asked how long they were out for.  They said they’d tried to do the next segment, but the river crossing was too deep so they turned back.  We got to the parking area at the end of the segment and took a sit-down break.  We ate snacks and started brainstorming silly ideas about how we’d get across the river.  Someone recalled that the guidebook said if the river was too deep to cross, we’d have to road walk all the way around and bypass the whole segment.

We did a quick 0.6 miles road walk down the dusty County Highway E, then turned into the Averill-Kelly Creek Wilderness segment.  It is mostly private land with an IAT easement, and we were grateful for that – it was so beautiful!!  The first part was beautiful new growth of white birch trees with a few hemlocks mixed in, felt like walking through a Christmas decoration!

The trail walked along the New Wood River again for a bit – it looked tranquil, but too deep to ford for sure! Our map had the word “ford” twice, and we weren’t sure if that really meant two river crossings! The first was the New Wood River – Gary took off his socks, and walked through in just his boots, making it look easy and not quite knee high.  Dan went next, in just socks!  Jeff went third, in bare feet – about 2/3 of the way through, he started yelping from the cold.  I went next and learned he wasn’t just being dramatic!!  The first few steps the cold water feels fabulous, but your feet quickly go numb and you don’t want to hurry across the slightly slippery rocks!  I got my socks and shoes on while I waited for the others to cross.  Then we set off feeling wonderfully refreshed.

After about 300 feet, we got to Averill Creek, which the guidebook says we’d be able to “rock hop.”  Gary again went first, making it look easy.  I followed in my boots and made it without wet feet.  Others took the time to walk across barefoot again.

After that excitement, we had about another 3 miles on mostly wide trails – detouring around a few low muddy spots.  We’d known that the last mile of this segment was closed until after hunting season.  We hit the detour sign, and continued on to where we’d parked two cars.  We drove them both around to the start, then caravanned to nearby Merrill in search of burgers.  There we failed to find an option, so we headed to Red Eye Brewing Company in Wausau, where Dan and Tam had previously stopped.  Had great burgers and stouts in a funky bicycle-themed brew pub where they were adhering to mask and social distancing protocols, which made us happy. Along the way, I got enough signal to get a notification that Tuesday’s election had finally been called in favor of Joe Biden.

It was a great two days, and we felt awesome for having hiked 31+ miles over two days, hiked in the dark, and forded a river! Happy to be home before 8pm – unpacked and had a bubble bath!

How I made a habit stick and lost 3kg

Content warning: weight loss; calorie counting.

If you find this article interesting and decide to use a similar method to lose weight, please get proper advice from a doctor or dietitian. I can talk about habit forming, but I'm not qualified to say what is safe or healthy for you to eat.

This isn’t really a weight loss blog, because what could be more boring or unnecessary than a weight loss blog from someone only a few kilos overweight? It’s a blog about how I built some better habits, and found a system for sticking to them that worked for me. But in the first couple of months of lockdown I was moving about less than usual and probably eating a bit more, and the effect of those things was gaining weight (specifically, my jeans were getting tight). So the habits I needed to build were to move about more and eat less.

(For what it’s worth, I find it helpful to think about weight gain and loss as effects of different eating habits rather than problems or goals in themselves since I read Gillian Riley’s excellent book about food addiction Eating Less.)

The Problem

In my job, sometimes when we start a piece of work we use a set of questions something like this:

What problem are we solving, for whom?

How do we know it’s a problem?

How will we know if we’ve solved it?

My answers were:

I’m eating too much and moving about too little, which is bad for my health, which is a problem for me. Also, I want my clothes to still fit.

My jeans are getting tight (even my ‘comfy’ jeans which I wear on days when the others are too tight)

When I’ve adopted better habits that lead to me comfortably being able to fit into my favourite jeans

At this point I needed some science, which meant thinking about calories and weight for a while. I reckoned my jeans used to fit pretty well when I was about 3kg lighter so to achieve that, the energy I used (from moving about) needed to exceed the energy I consumed (from food) by about 22,500 calories in total. Whether it took me a few weeks or a year to create that difference didn’t matter.

The Science Bit

Caveat: I got a D at GCSE Science.

When I talk about calorie deficit, I’m not talking about someone else’s idea of what I should or shouldn’t be eating or how much I should be moving. I’m talking about physics: what goes in needs to be less than what comes out.

Side note: Did you know that when we lose weight, it leaves our body via our lungs? Yes, there’s wee and poo and sweat and stuff, but fundamentally when we ‘burn’ energy we turn oxygen into carbon dioxide. The air we breathe out is very slightly heavier than the air we breathe in, and that’s where the weight goes. I only found that out a few years ago and it’s still one of my favourite facts.

So for me, a 47-year-old woman, 5′3″ tall, weighing 69kg and working at a desk all day, on average*, I’d be burning about 1600 calories a day. (That number is different for everyone. And it makes me wonder where the 2000 calorie target for women on food packaging comes from, because I’m fairly average size for a woman.)

If I go for a 2 mile leisurely stroll, I’ll burn about 150 calories. (Click the link to work out your numbers because they’re probably different to mine.) So if that same day I get 1400 calories from food and drink, I’ll create about a 350 calorie deficit.

The System

I made up a card with 75 empty circles on it. Each circle represented a 300 calorie deficit. (75 x 300 = 22,500, my target from earlier.) When I’d filled in all the circles, I should be 3kg lighter.

To add some accountability, I decided to use different colours for different days of the week. That way I’d want to fill in circles most days, and it might help me spot patterns. You can see from the key at the top of the card, Monday is red, Tuesday is orange, and so on. So if on Monday I ate 1600 calories and used 1900, I could colour in one red circle. If on Tuesday I ate 1200 calories and used 1800, I’d colour in two orange circles. As you can see here, I started with a 600 calorie deficit on a Thursday. (I actually started this experiment on a Wednesday, but ended up eating about the same amount of energy as I used, so didn’t get to colour in any circles that day.)

If I ate 300 calories more than I used on any given day, I’d have to add an empty circle to the bottom of the card. (If you zoom in you might be able to see some very feint circles I printed out for this purpose.)

I've tried numerous ways to be better in control of my eating or exercise over the years and I’ve learnt a few things about what works for me and what doesn’t. This felt like it had a good chance of succeeding because:

I like having data, and I like data to be visible. Graphs, charts, etc. are all good.

I like to see progress. The bathroom scales are a bad measure day-to-day for me because on a traditional diet, what I gain or lose in hormonal and other random fluctuations can be more than I’d target to lose in a week. Colouring in circles should be a good measure because, even though my goal is better habits and not weight loss per se, as long as I don’t cheat, regardless of what the scales say on any specific day, every 300 calories of energy I use that I don’t replace with food will result in me being one step closer to my jeans fitting.

Things which rely on all-or-nothing thinking don’t motivate me very much. e.g. the Seinfeld Method where you have to avoid ‘breaking the chain’. I need to be able to have off-days and to be able to get back on track the next day. If I feel like I’ve failed at the whole task because of one slip-up, I’ll inevitably slip up and won’t continue.

I like stationery and have a lot of Sharpies.

If I had to draw in extra circles because I’d eaten more than I’d used in a given day, it would be a rough, hand-drawn circle and would stick out like a sore thumb from the neat printed circles. I like neatness, so I probably wouldn’t want to do that. (Please don’t look too closely at my colouring in.)

Measuring

Most fitness trackers will try give you some sort of estimate of how many calories you’re burning each day. I have a Garmin Vivosmart 4 which measures heart rate, so it should be fairly accurate. But most Fitbits and similar devices will do it, and if you don’t have one of those, MyFitnessPal and various other apps will give you an estimate which should be close enough to get you started. I’ve also included links to my own estimates from Wolfram Alpha in The Science Bit above, which are very close to what I get from my tracker.

Without a tracker, background activity level (walking around, physical effort involved in housework or childcare or whatever) you’d have to estimate based on whether you’ve had a ‘sedentary’ day, light activity, etc. Being anything other than as honest as you can gains you nothing. As for specific activities (going for a walk), there are tons of places online you can get estimates for walking, running, swimming etc. Any estimate which doesn’t take account of your approximate weight is close to useless, so bear that in mind. There’s no real need to weigh yourself frequently or accurately, but you do need a rough idea of what you weigh to know how many calories you’d burn by, say, walking two miles.

As for energy coming in, I kept a food diary using MyFitnessPal. The free plan does everything I needed for this exercise. Pre-packaged food comes with a calorie count, but especially in lockdown, where I was making more stuff from cupboard ingredients, I was using the meal and recipe functions and having to weigh things. It’s a hassle, but only a minor one.

What Happened? Did It Work?

Yes! Here I am, eight weeks later, sitting comfortably in jeans that haven’t fit me for a few years. I realise 3kg in eight weeks is hardly headline-grabbing stuff, but the point is it worked for me, where all the headline-grabbing weight loss plans just don’t.

Confession: for all I try not to think in terms of weight loss, I do weigh myself most days and I do collect data. Above is the chart from my Wifi bathroom scales, because of course I have Wifi bathroom scales.)

But more importantly, I’ve changed my habits:

I’m being more mindful in my food choices. Do I want a snack after lunch, or do I want to colour in another circle? If I’m genuinely hungry I haven’t been depriving myself, but a couple of times I’ve planned to eat something and then... just decided I wasn’t bothered.

In the first weeks of lockdown I’d developed a bit of a biscuit habit. But within the first few days of this experiment, I’d find myself in the kitchen, thinking about taking a chocolate chip cookie, and deciding not to because I didn’t want to sacrifice a circle for the day.

I’ve been walking absolutely loads. A long walk on a Sunday means I can have croissants and jam and an oat mocha for breakfast and still eat a decent sized dinner. And now a walk has become part of my weekend routine, I miss it if it doesn’t happen.

I’ve been getting up at 7am to walk 4km before I start work each day. I listen to podcasts when I walk so if I skip days then I feel like I’m missing out on my podcast time.

Chocolate raisins are my weakness. There have been a couple of times I’ve gone for a 40 minute walk just so I could ‘earn’ some chocolate raisins. This probably isn’t entirely healthy in terms of my eating addiction, but still healthier than just eating the raisins and not going for the walk.

I think what I’m saying is it’s taught me to make better choices. This is also a big theme in Eating Less - that putting all our focus on weight is unhelpful because anything I do today takes a long time to pay back in terms of a noticeable improvement in my weight. But hour by hour I can make better choices about what food I eat and how much I move about. This system lets me see the effects of those choices the same day. The circles don’t lie - if I create a 300 calorie deficit 75 times I will be about 3kg lighter, however long that takes. I’m holding myself much more accountable for those choices than I would be if I didn’t see the outcome for a few weeks.

Not Just For Calorie Counting

I’m telling you about my calorie deficit journey because that’s the change I needed to make and that’s why I built the system. But you could easily use the same system for any consistent change you want to create. These are the things that I think would apply to building any new habit:

It gave me near-instant feedback on the results of my choices.

It provided visible evidence of progress toward a goal, where progress might not otherwise be discernible immediately.

It doesn’t fix a timescale. It didn’t matter to me how many weeks I took to fill in the circles. Of course I wanted to get there sooner rather than later, but if I had a bad day or a bad week, there was no reason for it to derail me.

I wasn’t showing the card to anyone else, so I was accountable only to myself. There was no point in cheating or lying to myself because it wouldn’t gain me anything.

I found colouring in the circles surprisingly motivating. I’ve always been sceptical of ‘star chart’ type trackers because of the public element. But even though nobody else saw it, I was still disappointed on the days I couldn’t colour in a circle.

Other uses I can think of, off the top of my head:

Being more active: one circle for every two miles walked - if you change nothing else in your life this will make a difference

Decluttering: one circle for every shelf, cupboard or drawer cleared out

Study schedule: one circle for every half hour of study

Guitar practice: one circle for 20 minutes practice

You get the idea. If you try this, let me know how it works out for you.

hey 👋 please make sure when you do eat that it has high calcium? if not you end up with lots of bone problems later and it'll suck. also, any tips for eating low cal / fasting, and just control in general? thanks, stay safe ❤️

can people add to this low cal foods w calcium? bc literally besides milk i have no idea (yeah ik google exists blah blah) 

☆

(disclaimer: i live alone so some of these tips may be hard to hide from parents/roommates. i don't have to worry as much about eating meals w other people)

breakfast is the most important meal of the day so i pretty much just eat breakfast. as long as it's below 300 (or less if ur intake is lower) kcals u can pretty much eat anything. I used to eat grilled cheese every day for breakfast and still lost weight. the only reason i don't anymore is bc i ran out of cheese lol. i also have a huge bottle of water, a mug of green tea, And a mug of black coffee with breakfast every day. while everything is brewing, do lunges or squats, or do some yoga stretches.

 once a week eat a higher amount, if you normally eat 400, try to go above 600 but below 1,000, then go back to normal the next day. on a higher calorie day, eat breakfast and lunch and maybe a snack of apple slices or something. also, eat slow. it takes me almost an hour or more every day to eat 1 or 2 pieces of toast. i don't like to feel full after eating, it can cause me to binge. but i know ive eaten enough to last the day.

people will say 'don't distract yourself while eating,' but for me, i use tv shows and movies to time myself. ill take a bite every other time a scene changes and i make sure not to finish before at least 1 episode of something ends. and if you have a handheld game (mobile apps, 3ds, gameboy etc.) play that too. use levels/deaths/cutscenes/whatever to pace yourself. distract yourself away from wanting to eat another bite, but be sure to remember when the last bite was. look at the screen and remember what a character was saying, the scenery, color scheme and remember how long ago it was. this works better with shows & movies you already know pretty well. 

if you work in a labor intensive job or you walk/bike to work, you have to have a higher calorie intake, sorry. but it can be around 500 daily (depending on just how labor intensive) and be sure to eat something with some carbs for extra energy. if you're in school, even if you walk there and have a huge campus, you can still stay around 3-400 kcals around day. drink water and all that.

i don't eat after 7 pm no matter what. I tend to get cravings around 8. if it's something i don't have around the house, i Google pictures of it and imagine how the food feels in my mouth and the taste. The only thing abt this tho is that i have that mental condition where i can taste food by looking at it? i forgot the name for it. but i get the flavor im looking for without the guilt of actually eating. 

if it's something i have or can easily make, i distract myself for an hour or two then take sleeping pills and go to bed. if ive had a craving for something high calorie for a week straight, (usually a baked good, bc i love baking and sweets) ill make a 1/8th size recipe of it, divide it into as small portions as i can, write down the calorie count for each portion, and eat one a day (if i still want it) until it's gone. right now i have 2 mini muffin sized nutella pumpkin brownies in my fridge for sweets cravings, eaten as a snack or even a meal on lower calorie days. plus, if you don't get a lot of sugar in your daily intake, your body tends to crave it more. so if you have 2 or 3 bites of something sweet every once in a while, it'll help w cravings and won't mess up your progress. just be careful not to make enough that you could binge on it (if you're binge eating disordered).

if you're fasting and you have nothing important to do for the day, go ahead and keep it up, even if you feel faint. just don't exercise and try to stay stationary. maybe eat a slice of lemon. but, if you're in public/at work/school and you feel faint, drink something with some sugar or caffeine to get your energy up. i keep a baby can of diet coke on me for times like this. it's a 7 oz can that's just enough to keep hunger away and give me a little bit of energy. if that's not enough, eat some fruit like a clementine or apple slices. passing out is not only dangerous, it's embarrassing and will let people onto the fact that you're not eating and they'll try to help. 

i try not to fast for more than a day bc i end up bingeing at the end of it. so idk amy tips on how to not do that.

drink lots of water and green tea (no sugar) to feel full and boost metabolism. chew minty gum to curb appetite, black coffee works for this too. keep 1 pack of fruity gum around for candy cravings. eventually, your body will get used to not having sweets often and stop craving them as much, but this helps for now. 

if you're like me and don't like milk, especially milk in coffee, but you love pumpkin spice coffees, add pumpkin pie spice into your coffee grounds while you're making it. this helps incorporate the flavor into it without having to deal with huge chunks of cinnamon floating in your drink bc it won't absorb liquid. 

basically, plain pumpkin pie spice has 0 calories and you can add it to anything you want to taste more pumpkin-y. the flavors you taste mostly in anything pumpkin is the a pics anyway. but for extra pumpkin flavor, pumpkin puree is 50 kcals for half a cup, which is 25 for 1/4, and 12.5 for 1/8h (2 tbsp), so abt 6 for 1 tablespoon of pumpkin puree. 

i think that covers the basics of what Ive acclimated myself to.

Attempting Erfeng, Siguniang Region

Date of hike: May 28-29, 2017

Country: China

Region: Sichuan Province

Trailhead: Rilong, 3,300 m.a.s. (10,900 ft.). Trail starts as a boardwalk/stair next to the large parking lot along the river.

Hike Destination: Erfeng, 5,275 m.a.s. (17,300 ft.)--not reached

Basecamp: 20 km (pony ride up), 4,300 m.a.s. (14,100 ft.)

Time from basecamp to peak: ca. 5 hours

If you ever feel the need to add a 5,000+ meter peak to your repertoire of hiking destinations, Sichuan Province is a good place to do that. Remember, the highest mountain in the European Alps, Mont Blanc, has an elevation of 4,800 meters, and by climbing one of two options available to hikers in the Siguniang region of Sichuan Province, i.e. Dafeng (5,025 m.) or Erfeng (5270 m.), you would significantly top the highest Alpine elevation. The two mountains can be reached by pure endurance hiking (Dafeng) and with some serious scrambling at Erfeng with ropes recommended on the last 200-300 meters of the ascent. 

However, either peak is only doable if the weather conditions strictly cooperate. Any hike above 5,000 meters is no child’s play, and both the demands of the extreme altitude and the possibility of massive snow accumulation at the top can easily interfere with a summit attempt.

When we visited the Siguniang region for our own shot at the 5,000+ m. experience in late May, the weather was not favorable. It was the beginning of the rainy season, which stretches from May through August, and the tops of both mountains were hopelessly snowed under, with accumulations of 1 meter and more. Our fellow hikers--a group of Chinese from Chengdu and Wuhan--were quite dejected when it was announced that neither mountain was climbable at this point. We still decided to proceed with the original plan up to a point, i.e. ride ponies up to the base camp of Erfeng, then climb up as high as would be possible.

The Siguniang massif is comprised of four peaks, including the aforementioned Dafeng (“first peak”) and Erfeng (“second peak”).

The count continues with “third peak” (requiring serious mountaineering skills) and, finally, Siguniang proper (aka “fourth peak”), which is virtually unclimbable. This massive mountain of incongruous proportions rises sheer from the valley floor to the dizzying height of over 6,200 meters, and it is so steep, glaciers don’t even stick to it. Mountaineers have basically given up on climbing this mountain after it was first conquered in 1981, and it has seen few successful attempts since then.

The day of our trek to the Erfeng basecamp was grey and overcast, but that did not stop thousands of ethnic Tibetans in the region from holding an exuberant, colorful culture festival at the center of the town of Rilong. 

Rilong belongs to the Aba Tibetan autonomous region of Sichuan, where Tibetans are in the majority, making up about 54% of the population. The Tibetan predominance was on display at the beginning of the trail, where a large stage displayed Tibetan dancing and singing groups, while thousands more were attending the spectacle, cheering enthusiastically.

After duly obtaining our hiking permits, paying the fee, and adding our finger prints, pony selection was next. 

I was given a brown sturdy pony that seemed to be doing well with the assignment of carrying me. Nevertheless, halfway into the treck, the horse handlers responsible for my and Liang’s ponies suggested that we switch since Liang’s pony seemed stronger, and I was deemed a heavy customer (heavy only relative to Chinese feather-weights, I might add). 

It was a switch with potentially far-reaching consequences because the pony I given almost spelled my doom. Here’s what happened: We were just rounding a curve on the trail when another set of pack-horses was coming the opposite way. My pony hesitated for a second, then tried to step aside, but in the process it slipped and tilted sideways. I lost my balance on the saddle and prepared for an inelegant dismounting, hurriedly getting my feet out of the stirrups to avoid being squashed against the slope by the weight of the animal. My right foot came out easily, but I could not quickly enough disengage my left foot from the stirrup. Then, before I knew what was happening, my world was turned upside down: the pony got spooked and started running down the mountain, dragging me with my left foot caught in the stirrup. At this point, I had just two things going for me—one: it was a pony, so my angle relative to the ground was more favorable than had I fallen off a taller horse. Instead of making contact with the ground principally by my head, I was scraping along the slope with me back; plus, I was wearing a backpack which acted as a bit of a shock-absorber. But other than that, things looked bad. As I was dragged helter-skelter downhill, Liang’s scream reaching my ears as if I were under water, I had two reflexes: first, I tried to dig in my right heel so as to slow down the pony. But this turned out to be a bad idea since my shins now got clobbered by the pony’s hooves, while it had no effect on the course of action. Next, I tried to wrench my left foot out of my boot by pulling real hard on it, but the hiking boots were too tightly laced, and this was futile. At this point, the thought briefly crossed my mind that I might be done for. There was no reason why this pony would stop galloping across a rock-strewn slope with me dangling from the stirrup. And at such a high altitude, my energy to fight the disaster was quickly depleted. But just then, a protrusion in the slope lifted me clear off the ground and spun me around my axis, resulting in a torque force that made me worry about the integrity of my left foot. But to my great big fortune, that twisting motion was what actually released my foot from the stirrup. And after tumbling a little further down, I came to a rest, while the horse galloped on. Adrenalin pumping through my system, I was simply and supremely grateful. Miraculously, nothing was broken or wrenched out of place. Sure, I had lots of scratches and cuts, and on my right shin, a bruise the size of a mango was blooming, but I was able to get back up to the trail by my own force. Five minutes later, the pony had been caught, and I sat down on it again. This time, I was glad the handler, who could not apologize enough, held the pony’s reins closely and walked beside me for the remainder of the trip. Still, I had lost confidence in this mode of transportation and vowed to walk all the way back on my own legs, which I am happy to say were still in good working order, notwithstanding sore as hell.

So, now we were at the base camp, at an elevation of 4,300 meters, which turned out to be a pretty vile place, miles from any “romantic” notion of a basecamp surrounded by fresh mountain streams, blooming meadows, and rustic cabins. 

No, this was a mud patch, forever churned up by pack-horses, featuring three or four windowless hovels built of dry-stack field stone walls without mortar. This meant that there was neither light nor heat nor any sort of insulation toward the ambient conditions. However, there was one amenity: a wooden platform to spread your sleeping bag on. The keeper of the camp, an unwashed squinting fellow, was trying to extort 800 RMB from us for staying at this minus-5-star accommodation (i.e. considerably more than a luxury room at the Sheraton costs). Liang made it clear that extortion did not work with her, and the fellow slinked away, pocketing 200 RMB from us. It was now 3:30 and still many hours to go until sunset. Since we had to conserve our cell phone batteries and forgot to bring playing cards, utter boredom stared us in the eyes. Therefore, Liang and I decided to have a go at the pass above the camp, following the trail that was faintly outlined on the steep slope.

As long as the trail was level, I felt fine, but as soon as the switch-backs started up steeply, and I began to huff and puff like a an old steam locomotive.

 We were here above 4,300 meters, and the air was thinner than I could comfortably handle. My chest had the same kind of tightness ache that I get after doing, maybe, 15 burpees, i.e. my system felt like it was teetering on the brink. The supplemental oxygen bottle we had brought helped, and I frequently resorted to taking deep puffs from the bottle.

This conveyed an instant boost of energy, although it did not last more than 50-100 meters at a time. 

From here we could see the top of Erfeng above us. I looked doable... just not tonight. 

A little further up we encountered snow, and it got progressively deeper, requiring us to use our hiking poles as anchors. 

After slogging uphill like this for over one hour, we decided to call it quits. Our altitude app told us we were just above 4,600 meters now, and although the pass was still higher up, the fog was closing in and daylight was gradually receding. To my happy surprise, Liang was having no problem at all up there. 

She was lightfooted and limber, saying encouraging things to urge me on, which struck me as ironic because all this time in preparation, I had wondered what I would do if she faltered long before reaching the critical altitude. But instead of having my male pride hurt, I focused on being proud on her behalf. With her fitness and endurance, there’s no limit to what we can attempt together in the future, as long as I get a little more time to acclimatize, and as long as there is not exhausting incident like the pony mishap just before going into the high zone. I had previously hiked up to over 5,500 meters and been fine, so this experience was not necessarily a sign to abandon such projects in the future.

That night at the camp was one of the two worst nights of my life. I developed a splitting altitude headache, and even after swallowing 4 Advils, the symptoms did not get any better. In addition, I was completely insomniac. While Liang slept for a good stretch of this cold, cold night, I lay awake on the hard bunk, counting the minutes, shivering, and cursing my headache. Toward the morning, Liang gave me the idea of inhaling oxygen, and that actually did help a little to lessen the pain. After seemingly endless hours lying awake and listening to the rain that was steadily falling (some water dripped down near our pad on the bunk), it finally dawned around 6 am, and the minute it did, I got up and stepped outside to be greeted by a crisp morning scene—all mountains powdered with new snow which had fallen copiously overnight, with swaths of fog drifting up from the valley. 

While the others were getting ready to climb up to the pass, Liang and I were beginning our 20 km trek down to Rilong. There’s no way I was going to sit on a pony going over 20 km of muddy trail rendered even more slippery by the overnight rain. One thing I noticed about these paths in Sichuan is that there is absolutely no trail maintenance. There’s no gravel to stabilize the surface, no rails in in tricky portions, no wooden steps. If 100 ponies trudge through a muddy, steep stretch per day, then the trail just turns into a trench, and it will remain a trench for as long as there is high-frequency traffic going through. Another thing I heard from our horse handler which is rather more disturbing: there is no mountain rescue squad here, no helicopter or anything. Had I been gravely injured during my pony incident yesterday, I would have only one option to get off the mountain: being carried by porters or by a horse, none of them options I would fancy with broken limbs. So, anybody fancying a hike in these beautiful “Asian Alps” needs to know that they are on their own. If anything happens, they better be prepared to rescue themselves. That’s probably just what we acknowledged without reading the fine print (or any print, for that matter, since it was in Mandarin, which I could not read) by putting our signature and finger print on that hiking permit yesterday.

After an eventless hike down the mountain through dense fog, we arrived at a lively mountain meadow around noon, just as the clouds were lifting and the first rays of sunshine were kissing the slopes around us. Colorful crowds were gathering to follow a continuation of the Tibetan culture festival whose start we had witnessed down in the valley yesterday. Here, things were more free-wheeling, as tens of thousands of ethnic Tibetans gathered as spectators and performers on an open ridge about 1 hour above Rilong. As soon as we sat down to our lunch in plain view of these proceedings, we were startled by loud bangs and bright flashes, as daytime fireworks were set off to announce the official start of the festival. 

Afterwards, there was the production of holy smoke (fragrant juniper branches lit as a smoke offering to the gods), followed by choreographed group movements and choral chanting. Later, we mingled with the masses of Tibetans, taking pictures of their colorful ethnic garb, enjoying the spirit of exuberance and joy that was tangible up on that mountain meadow. 

After taking some nice pictures of the “exotic natives,” I noticed an ironic reversal: the “natives” had cameras, too, and they started to take pictures of me! I was obviously as enchantingly “different” to them as they were to me.

It was a fair trade, and I happily participated in the give and take of mutual cultural curiosity and photographic recording of our preferences.

As this was going on, the weather kept getting more and more beautiful, although the weather forecast had predicted heavy rain at this time of day. I credit the holy smoke for this lucky turn of events. We tackled the last stretch of the downhill hike in excellent spirits, now sharing the path with multitudes of visitors and locals who had taken the path to attend the festival. We arrived at Rilong, shortly after 4 pm, enjoying the vista of snow-covered Dafeng, Erfeng and Sanfeng all of which displayed their snow-covered peaks, while the largest mountain, Siguniang, remained resolutely hidden in the clouds.

Only the following day, just as we were driving away from Rilong, did the titan finally emerge from the clouds. I happened to look backward through the rear window of our car when I involuntarily exclaimed “Wow! Stop!” There was Siguniang rearing incongruously into the skies, while the nether hills were roiling with low-lying clouds. 

It is a truly majestic, almost impossibly steep mountain that is perhaps more dramatically sculpted than the Matterhorn. It almost looked like a romantic painter’s fantasy of a mountain. I knew then that I wanted to return at a more favorable season, say October, with the fall colors on display. In addition to having another go at Dafeng or Erfeng, I would love to hike the nearby valleys which are definitely worth exploring, notably Changping Valley and Shuangqiao Valley, which give spectacular views of the surrounding mountains, including Siguniang. It would be great to explore these other hiking options at one point in the future, although I will certainly do it without the help of a pony.

Another day another dollar

What a week I tell ya. Monday kids are off school up we get up for me to clean the pub I work in and me little soldiers come with me.. Spend three hours deep cleaning and then home for a serious housework cause I tell ya my gaff on a Monday morning is always at its worse I think I must be lazier of a weekend and then Monday morning I look around like wtf 😫😭😫😭😫 go work and then have to come back and tackle it like a modern day cunting Cinderella funny thing is Aswell I have two step sisters but it’s alright they ain’t ugly 😂😂 also have a stepmother but it’s alright she ain’t that wicked. Got no fucking glass slippers and I spose I do have my Prince Charming but he’s more Christian grey then fucking prince darling.. Me and kids do some baking and just have a nice afternoon. They I run round like a loon because the other half is working away in the morning in Cornwall so out first valentines together won’t actually be together. So I jump in the bath, shave the pussy not that it’s hairy but you know satin fresh is the way foward valentines deserves more then day old cunt stubble if you get my drift 😏 throw on some dinner little bit of make up cause I look like me father after a heavy night I’m all crazy hair and fuckin mole eyes.. I swear the Irish within me comes out when I’m hanging I look like a little old Irish man who’s had a few too many whiskys and he's lost his fuckin potatoes and his pot of gold.. Go to throw on something sexy ya know make the old effort and me being the cunt I am still carrying this extra half a stone but in reality between you and me I think it’s more like a stone ( fucking cunty life) every bit of fuckin sauce I got is wacked on and I resemble them cunting potatoes the little old Irish man lost. Want to take a knife and chop half me body off but I’ve never been one to self harm so I slip a little black lace negligee thing on still look like fuckin potato in my eyes but at least potatoes draped in lace rather the potatoes trying to fuckin escape like a fuckin refugee in a freezer Lorry. Look around think I need something else. Ahahhaa 💡 man other day in pub gave me roses will rip them little cunts up n sprinkle em all over the joint give it that little hoe life feeling.. Kids are like “ mummmmmmmmm” have to wrap myself in a dressing gown cause I don’t want them knowing there mothers a whore hoping for cupids arrow right in her sweet spot when they finally wander off to that lovely land of slumber.. Try settle them for bed stroke a few heads sing there favourite songs I look into there beautiful little eyes and think damn you been drinking my Dr Pepper because them eyes don’t tell me sleep is coming at any point this fucking February. Kisses cuddles creep back down the stairs and hope for the best realise fml I have no wine because I don't really drink at home, personal life rule having a brother who's an alcoholic ( recovering yay 😊) but you know what I do have fruit salad catcuss jacks and lemonade, Fuck it he’ll think it’s rosé on site 😂😂😂😂 he arrives laden with smiles and presents I got you tubes top twenty love songs playing on the background like some fucking cunt and I think to myself shit son shoulda just threw on a tracky and ordered the cunt a pizza after he asks me if I’ve run him a bath 😤 but it’s ok the presents were very thoughtful and so me so he’s quickly off the hit list and back in the good books, after a lovely two hours a little bicker starts I don’t even know why we’re both to headstrong and God love him I think he likes on occasion a little yes woman.. Well honey boo boo child please You got more chance of me shitting in my own mouth then being a yes girl 🙌🏻 go to bed no fucking cupids arrow for me both huffing waiting for the other to make it up but were selfish cunts and it don’t happen. 5.30 am alarm goes off I’m woken with a hard penis in my side and an I love you and being the cock hungry little shit I am I’m them legs are in the air getting wished a belated Valentine’s Day 😂😂😂😂 That morning I have to cash up at work because there on an anniversary break, well people have you ever dropped a till with 300+ quid innit all over a 6 by 6 office with more shit innit then a fuckin pound shop when bearing in mind 150 of that fucking money is in change.. I’m playing £300 pick up with pennies whilst me kids are running round the gaff high on the Diet Coke I gave em to keep quiet and I don’t give my kids Coke unless it’s a special occasion and me being the cunt I am thought I need them happy and amused I declare this Tuesday morning a special occasion, half hour in ones rolling Bladeing round the place and ones calling my name like a parrot on speed. Text the mother come and save me. She’s hanging out her arsehole fml. I’ll be there in an hour how dare she be so selfish and have a life 😂😂😂🔫 service is resumed at work mother arrives take the kids out get my purse and my mothers raped by the little delights. There happy and smiling and laden with new toys... home more mother duties more house duties and then I spend my Valentine's Day on the sofa in a tracksuit eating chocolate cornflake cakes and contemplating life and adding more crap for the kids in one of my million shopping app baskets 😬 Wednesday follows through myself and the mother unite again and treat ourselves and the children to a chicken George 😍😍😍 and then some how I find myself in tesco Carpark with a jet wash in the rain cleaning her fucking motor whilst her and the little darlings are sat in the car dry and warm pissing emselves and making videos of me #Bastards...work that night someone asks how my valentines went explain he works away most of the time " oh that must be hard" yea I miss him but seriously as a woman when a man is home he fucks up the routine of life ya know.. Housework is done less, chores are done less and because there off they wanna spend time with you and as I've said before I'm not in the shitting in unison stage yet so he's giving it all the whole I love you baby I love you being home and I'm like yea baby I love you too but right now I got the shakes I need to shit and you are in my orbit, GET OUTTTTTT 😂😂😂 I need time my friend time you know this bald pussy you like so much she doesn't get bald on her own ya know I need to have a bath a timely bath, beautify myself and when your here I'm rushing one has to be careful or next thing Ill know the razors slipped and I've lost a fuckin lip in narm mate, narm being the bath and me being the wounded little soilder, I'm telling this tale of my sweet life and there laughing away and I'm like I'm not trying to be funny I love him I love his company but I ain't a glue stick I actually enjoy my own company so when he's fucked off to work for a few days yea it's sad and long distance can be hard but hey at least I can shit in peace. Shave me cunt, wash up in time and walk round in a tracksuit with me hair piled up in leave in conditioner and clean me ear holes without a fuckin audience if you get me drift 😏 so at work last night someone bought me a drink and I thought obviously I’ll say yes, but decided to have a double vodka and that’s where shit creek started, one turned into about ten. And I’m working away, feeling fine me and Micheal ( a fabulous gay man) are winning at life, doing the quiz and I tell ya that man is a little box of knowledge and obviously I’m not too bad 😏 but he is a wise old owl, were also guessing a few answers and literally shitting our fuckin knickers in joy when we find out we are infact correct ! Anyway turns out were joint first and the other team got the closest answer on the deciding question, so we came second, but hey the fuck Ho we got bought a drink from the gracious winners so one cannot complain, fast foward a few hours the pub is empty we sat there waffling shit, Michaels pouring extra vodka in my glass and putting on my tab the fucker 😂😂 finally realise we need to go home. Get outside side hits me think ohh I’m a little tipsy, home and sleep… Well fuck my arse sideways when I opened my eyes this morning to my fuckin boyfriend calling me at 7.43, 7 fucking 43 bitch please, The diva had a sleepover with her nanny and the boys stayed with there dad last night and there all back at lunchtime I ain’t due in work till ten so why the fuck do you call me.. Anyway we get through the morning pleasantries. Say goodbye for now I soilder on with getting ready to work, pretty much trying to polish a shit. Well it ain’t fuckin working Isit son so off I go looking like death. I swear on my fucking life the minute the air hit me it was like a fucking sledge hammer of karma #NotOnASchoolNight 😩, take a un leisurely stroll to work and rush for a shit, go in the disabled and I swear to god it was like a man dressed as a vodka bottle had climbed into my stomach and died and I just shat out his fucking remains, the absolute pungent smell of my arse mixed with my hangover made me come to the quick conclusion that I did infact need to be fucking sick! Well I cant be fucking sick here I cant shove my face where my arsehole just emptied wether or not the chain has flushed I just cannot face plant my own arse, so I run to the ladies shove my fingers down my throat and proceed to chuck up all them lovely double vodkas. Now listen here carefully I do my motherfucking pelvic floor I do not piss when I sneeze laugh or cough, but at that point I thought fuck I need a piss whilst now not being able to stop the sick coming out of me and had the glorious moment of not being able to stop myself letting abit of wee out 😫😫😫 it was science everything was coming out and I just couldn’t hold it in, it’s ok it’s ok. Thou shall not judge it was only a splash but I say there on the floor contemplating life thinking I’ve just shat for England in there, I’m now chucking in here and I’ve let some piss out its Thursday morning you cunt you’ve got to clean the pub get ya kids back go home bake cakes n shit, entertain the tribe do housework keep everyone happy n that get ya arse back to work later as your working tonight. And fuck 29 years of age on a Thursday morning and a few double vodkas got me in this state every fucking orrifice screaming fuck you In my ear holes. Got on with my job painfully went home with my darlings and my daughter decided to do my make up I so kindly accepted this glorious task because I thought ohhhhh shut eye for ten mins 👍🏻 #Winning Forgetting said child has an issue with over used bronzer, safe to say today it was me looking like mr T.. Do dinner have dinner with my little darlings. Mother arrives to watch them for me and off I go to work. I get in someone demands I have a drink but seriously the actual thought of drinking alcohol is just too soon for me I remember myself pissing shitting n puking only ten foot away 8 hours before n think naaaaa mate.. Mother calls the wee one has been sick I run home he’s ok bless him, chesty cough and made him sick because of the flem, he’s now sleeping away so off I go back to work U know by this point I tell ya I been on my feet all day. I hurt deep, even my calfs hurt I feel fuckin 75 I tell ya, back to work for a few hours, playing the dutiful bar maid, and come 9.45 call comes again he wants his mummy and obviously. My children come before anything else so goodbye work and home I go. Sorted the boy, bless his little cottons. Had a lovely convo with my big boy who is wildly intelligent and clued up its scary. Discussing his birthday and the £600 list he has wrote me 😩🔫 seriously I think this boy thinks I work at the palace and not the local watering hole. But hey ho I’ve made a rod for me own back with that one. I do spoil my kids 🙌🏻 hands are held up. I try to get everything on the list I try to make sure they have everything. I do not always succeed and then I beat myself and feel like a shit mother and then I give em everything they want then there little brats and I beat myself up and feel like a shit mother 🙄 Fucking circle of life I tell ya.. Tomo night myself and the mr are meant to be staying in a hotel and going for dinner to celebrate Valentine's Day and re connect after he's been away for four days. So 11.15 I get in the bath at some point between 11.15 and 11.18 my hot water decided to stop flowing and rather the no N back down stairs because I don't think I'll drag myself back up I think fuck it I'll wing it.. Getting in a foot high like warm tub at gone 11.00 trying to shave me gash legs n pits n wash the fuckin main is painful.. Climb into bed and lay here contemplating my impending day. Work at 10 I know on the walk there with a bag of the kids stuff one in her heels because she's god damn obsessed and one glued to a phone the little one will decided his legs don't work like they used to before and walkings for losers so I'll be carrying him. I'll clean there pub. There dad as per will be late to collect them. I'll then go home do all the housework too make life easier for me when I get back and have that painful moment of deciding what to wear and you know potato life is gonna rear its ugly head again and I'll be there contemplating giving me self liposuction using and old McDonalds straw and a Hoover 🤔 then I've gotta send out a beg sorry for someone to drop me in mk because we'll meet eachover there as he's driving back from Cornwall.. But I know when I get in that hotel he can take his time because Julia Roberts in pretty woman is reincarnating my friend as this little bastard and I'm gonna be in that bath head phones in singing some tunes resembling a cat getting skewered and thinking about what I can eat when we go out and won't be thinking for any longer then half a second " what's low fat to eat" and get ready there, dress the potatoes, greet him with an energetic smile and hopefully a beautified version of myself so I sense my day. But fuck it right, fuck itttttt... Life knackering, life a chore, but life is amazing especially when your stood admiring the world thinking me feet hurt, me toenails ain't painted I can't find me over night bag, the kids are going to there dads so I need to remember not to check up every half hour, I'm skint I'm fat and I've just come on my fuckin period the day before a fuckin hotel trip (note to self hunt down them tablets that stop you bleeding n pray for he best luv) But then I think I have three amazingly beautiful children who amaze me daily and make me so proud to be there mother, a man who loves me, my brother is living a dry life, my mums as beautiful and wild as ever, me fathers are alive and well, I've got a full belly a roof over me head and I'm breathing ! So you can't really fucking moan can ya!! #HaveAllINeed #weeklife #halfterm #work

What pilots can teach the world about managing risk

When talk around the dinner table turns to Covid-19 these days (and it seems to quite often), I find myself increasingly using the language of risk management, as if I were evaluating a tricky go/no-go decision in an airplane. If any pilots are around, they usually nod quietly, while non-pilots look mystified or just roll their eyes. I’m certainly not suggesting pilots are experts on infectious diseases or the right people to manage a public health crisis, but I do believe the lessons learned by the aviation industry over the last 50 years have something to offer as we think about life in a world of risk.

But first, let me be clear what I mean by risk management, because that term has become such a buzzword recently that it has lost almost all meaning. In previous articles, I have lamented the “risk management-industrial complex” that has emerged to promote expensive and complicated solutions to non-existent problems. What I’m talking about here is not a document or an app, but a way of thinking, one that most pilots develop during flight training and their initial experience as a private pilot. While you may not realize it, you probably think about potential problems, the probability of those problems occurring, what options you have for avoiding them, and if the end goal is worth it.

That sounds a lot like the decision-making process we are all using right now, whether it’s how to open up a restaurant or whether to go on a vacation. In aviation as in public health, information is never complete and the stakes are high, so decisions are rarely easy. And yet doing nothing is not a long term strategy—staying in bed all day is no way to live life. So how do we balance our impulsive nature and the tendency to fall into analysis paralysis? When making difficult aviation decisions, I think it’s helpful to lean on some core principles of a risk management mindset.

1. Life is not risk-free. This one is obviously true but many people pretend it’s not. The reality is that all of life has risk, even in America in 2020. The chance of being killed by a saber tooth tiger or starving because of a bad harvest are much lower than they were in the past, but you can still get hit by a drunk driver or drown in a bathtub (yes, it happens every year). For pilots, GPS navigators and datalink weather make it very hard to get lost or stumble into a thunderstorm, but flying is certainly not completely safe.

This isn’t a sign of failure. Trying to eliminate all risk is time-consuming, expensive, frustrating, and ultimately impossible. Past a certain point, it’s counterproductive. That doesn’t mean we should all be fatalists and take up BASE jumping, but it does mean we should recognize what success looks like: low risk or managed risk, not zero risk.

2. You can’t reduce risk if you don’t quantify it. Given that life is inherently risky, the key is to think systematically about your exposure, then try to quantify the risks involved. This is much easier said than done, because intuition quickly takes over—we notice headline-making tragedies more than the everyday threats that really kill. You don’t have to spend weeks buried in NTSB reports (or medical journals), but you should try to be specific. “That sounds bad” or “that’s scary” are statements about emotion, not risk. How bad or how scary? For example, your chance of stalling on initial climb may not be exactly 74% higher than losing your engine on takeoff, but it’s worth the effort to calculate a range of probabilities. Which one is really more likely?

You don’t need a formula to know that cloud is trouble.

Just don’t get carried away with the math. In spite of what a Flight Risk Assessment Tool might suggest, risk isn’t an exact science that can be boiled down to an algorithm or a score. As psychologist Gerd Gigerenzer has observed, there’s a difference between risk (“If risks are known, good decisions require logic and statistical thinking”) and uncertainty (“If some risks are unknown, good decisions also require intuition and smart rules of thumb”). Usually it takes both of these approaches to make the best decision.

I think this model works for pilots just as well as it does for doctors or insurance underwriters. Consider which threats are knowable and which ones deserve your attention: the FAA’s well known PAVE checklist is a start but it’s only a start. You know your airplane and your experience level best, so think honestly about what risks might be part of your next flight and remember that the probability of an event happening matters much more than the number of possible events. That is, a high chance of problem happening should count for far more than an extremely low chance of 20 different ones happening.

Having quantified those risks, it’s then much easier to make a game plan to mitigate the ones that matter. Start with the most likely or the most lethal risks, then walk through your available options for avoiding the problem altogether or at least building in some safety margins. This can mean canceling of course, but also altering the route, changing the departure time, reducing the passenger load, or even bringing along another pilot.

3. Habits and systems catch errors. Humans almost never perform flawlessly, so safe pilots (and airlines) expect errors to happen. Likewise, there is no single safety tool that can prevent accidents, so the right answer is an array of procedures and tools to catch those errors before they become a major threat. Belt and suspenders? Yes please.

This is where Gigerenzer’s concept of uncertainty comes in. Hopefully you’ve considered all the obvious risks. But what if you encounter an unforecast gray cloud an hour into your flight? What if your airspeed indicator shows 10 knots fast on final approach, even though everything “feels” normal? You don’t have time to run probabilities and there are no FARs that tell you what to do, but hopefully your own personal rules of thumb kick in: we avoid ugly clouds and we go around if the approach isn’t stabilized on one mile final.

This mindset applies to technology too. Every few years, a new miracle cure is proposed for aviation accidents. Medicine had its hydroxychloroquine moment recently; aviation has had its moments too, from moving map GPS navigators to sophisticated autopilots with a level button to angle of attack indicators. These are wonderful tools (I fly with all of them!) but individually they are merely pieces of the puzzle. Only when combined with good training, thoughtful safety habits, and good maintenance can they can create a safer way to fly.

4. Complacency kills. Richard Collins always said that, no matter how many hours were in your logbook, it was the next hour that counted. That was his way of staying vigilant, because Mother Nature and Murphy’s Law do not care whether you’re a student pilot or an ATP. A threat is a threat.

Experience is certainly valuable for a pilot, but only if you learn the right lessons from your logbook. If you took off 300 lbs. overweight and made it over the fence at the end of the runway, does that mean you can do it again or that you got lucky? Likewise, if you haven’t caught Covid-19 by now, does that mean you never will? Be careful about phrases like, “it worked last time” and “it hasn’t happened yet.”

This brings to mind a great line from the 1995 movie La Haine: “Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper? On his way down past each floor, he kept saying to reassure himself: So far so good… so far so good… so far so good. How you fall doesn’t matter. It’s how you land!”

Part of being a professional pilot means having the discipline to use the checklist, every time.

The antidote to this dangerous attitude is a combination of perspective and discipline. The perspective part means staying focused on the ultimate goal. As pilots, our goal isn’t just to fill in the blanks of a weight and balance form or perform a preflight walk around; it’s to complete a flight safely. Going through the motions should be a red flag.

The discipline part means following the rules, even if you’ve done it 1,000 times already. A great example is the near religious use of checklists by pilots (admit it: you use them around the house too). Airline captains most definitely know how to start the engine or configure the airplane for takeoff, but they follow the checklist anyway. They know that routines, while occasionally inconvenient, also keep you safe. After all, those habits and systems mentioned above only work if they are in place for every flight.

5. It’s all about the risk-reward tradeoff. Some people are horrified at the idea of willingly accepting additional risk in life, but we do it every day when we decide to speed by 10 mph or eat sushi. If the reward is valuable enough to offset the increase in risk, the tradeoff is perfectly rational.

The same goes for general aviation. When I fly my family on vacation in a four-seat piston airplane, I am taking on more risk than the same trip on Delta. The numbers show this quite clearly. But I’m hardly a thrill-seeker by nature: I have never been skydiving, I don’t drive motorcycles, and I don’t even like to gamble. I fly myself not because I think I’m invincible but because I believe I can drive down the risk (with good training, equipment, maintenance, and procedures) and maximize the reward (land closer to our destination, have a more flexible schedule, and simply have more fun).

These tradeoffs are what general aviation risk management is all about. Scud running under an 800 foot overcast at night just so I can get a $100 hamburger? That’s a terrible risk-reward equation. Flying to visit family on a clear day over familiar terrain? That’s worth it. We all make these decisions every time we fly; the best pilots are explicit about them.

Humans are not naturally gifted at this type of thinking; most of us hate talk of unknown risks and potentially deadly tradeoffs. That’s because our minds are, in evolutionary terms, still optimized for an agrarian lifestyle of 5,000 years ago. We are well suited to distinguishing a predator from a plant, but none of our human hardware is made for flying airplanes in the clouds at 170 knots. That doesn’t mean our job is hopeless, only that we need to train ourselves to think the right way and then consistently apply this mindset. Gut instincts just aren’t enough.

The post What pilots can teach the world about managing risk appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2020/06/what-pilots-can-teach-the-world-about-managing-risk/

“Why Can’t I Lose Weight?” The 10 Uncomfortable Truths Holding You Back

“Why can’t I lose weight, Steve?”

This question breaks my heart every time I hear it. And I hear it multiple times per day from frustrated people like yourself.quite often.

Today, I’m telling you the truth on why weight loss is so tough to achieve. Why “Eat less and move more” sounds nice in theory, but is insulting to those who KNOW this, try their best, and yet the scale just doesn’t budge.

We’ll tackle today’s topic with statistics, science, and plenty of Harry Potter analogies. This is Nerd Fitness after all.

We’ll go over:

Why I hate the nutrition industry.

How much exercise do I need to do to lose weight?

How your metabolism responds to a calorie deficit.

The science of fat loss.

What to eat for weight loss.

Which diet should you pick?

The difference between strength training and exercise.

How strength training assists weight loss.

Small changes for successful weight loss.

Let’s jump in, Scuba Steve style, so you can start seeing results!

WHY THE NUTRITION INDUSTRY MAKES ME SO ANGRY

I took this picture walking around Manhattan last week:

There is some SERIOUS psychological warfare going on here, and it hurts my soul.

For starters, they advertise as “THE” flat belly tea.

This means there are many other companies selling similar products, which would ALSO lead me to believe this is a lucrative product to sell!

They list every fitness buzzword and term every marketer uses when it comes to selling health and fitness: gluten free, “removes waste,” organic, “burn fat,”

Including some real head scratchers.

“Strengthen your colon?”

How the hell do you strengthen your colon?!

This reminds me of the brilliant Saturday Night Live skit about “Colon Blow” cereal:

But I digest digress…

People are buying this stuff, even if they know it probably won’t work.

Like buying a lottery ticket even when we know the odds of winning are 0% –  what we’re really buying is “hope”:

Hope that this will actually work – unlike the last 10 attempts.

Hope we can overcome 20 years of bad choices with a beverage.

Hope that this product will give us the confidence and self love we deserve.

Don’t get me wrong.

“Hope is a good thing, and no good thing ever dies.”

I just HATE when hope gets weaponized to sell you expensive snake oil and pretty-packaged fluff.

This is what we are rebelling against here in the NF Rebellion: marketers and companies who are crappy enough to prey on our hopes and fears and sell snake-oil in a bottle.

We’re also rebelling against that voice in our head that talks down to us, calls us failures for not getting in shape yet, and berates us every time we break down and eat a cookie.

I say no more.

Let’s fight fire with fire science.

How much exercise do I need to do to lose weight?

There are a few generally accepted truths when it comes to weight loss.

All of these are controversial, vary wildly depending on your weight and body fat percentage, and will differ from person to person.

Setting all of that aside, I’m going to try and keep things simple just to prove my point.

Let’s go with an (understandably) oversimplified look at weight loss: a pound of fat equals around 3,500 calories.

This would mean you’ll need to either eat 3,500 less calories, or burn an extra 3,500 calories to lose 1 pound.

So…how long does it take to burn 3,500 additional calories per week? Let me answer a question with another question:

…How many hours do you have?

Studies show you’ll burn an extra 100 calories when walking or running a mile.

So, you would need to be running/walking an additional 5 miles per day, 7 days a week, to lose one pound per week.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have time to run an extra 5 miles a day. Nor do I want to.

Not only that, but as you’ll see below – this idea of just burning an extra 500 calories per day to lose a pound a week only works early on.

You’ll quickly run into speed bumps and roadblocks – figurative ones, try to avoid the real ones on your run –  that slow down your progress significantly. Simply put, exercising your way thin has proven time and time again not to work.

Here are three such reports:

Many people develop increased appetites as a result of exercise, which leads to no weight loss. Time Magazine got in trouble for pointing this out  – even though they were right!

This 2011 study came to the conclusion, “In overweight and obese populations… our results show that isolated aerobic exercise is not an effective weight loss therapy.”

Another study compared people who dieted vs people who only exercised: “Body weight decreased by 10% in the diet group and by 9% in the diet–exercise group, but did not decrease in the exercise group or the control group.”

What I’m trying to say, and a lesson we try to deeply understand at Nerd Fitness: “you can’t outrun your fork”

…and the bad news isn’t done.

How our metabolism responds to a caloric deficit (our bodies ruin everything!)

When you start to lose weight, your resting metabolism slows down.

You might think this is some sort of evil sorcery worthy of “He Who Must Not Be Named,” but unfortunately – it’s just 2nd grade math.

When you start to lose weight, there is less of you to ‘manage.’

In other words: your metabolism doesn’t have to work as hard to fuel all of your bodily functions, has less weight to carry, and thus it will burn significantly fewer calories compared to when you were much bigger.

Here is the estimated daily resting calorie burn (“sit on your ass all day”) of a 35-year old male nerd at 3 very different weights:

300 lbs: 2,600 calories.

250 lbs: 2,300 calories.

200 lbs: 2,000 calories.  

WHAT THIS MEANS: Unless you adjust your calorie intake as your weight decreases… your previous calorie intake amount becomes less and less effective at weight loss, until you hit an equilibrium.

Put a different way: this person could eat 2,300 calories per day and over time, lose 50 pounds (from 300 pounds to 250 pounds), but that’s where he’ll hit equilibrium: calories burned equals calories consumed.

In order for him to lose the next 50 pounds, he’ll need to decrease his caloric intake even more, and then STAY at that calorie consumption to keep the weight off.

In economic terms, this is called “diminishing marginal returns.”

And then it gets even worse!

There are buckets of anecdotal evidence of a bodily feature called “adaptive thermogenesis.”

Which has nothing to do with the band Genesis – though feel free to listen to “Invisible Touch” right now:

It might soften the blow while you learn about “adaptive thermogenesis.”

This term refers to the process in which our bodies will adjust based on how many calories we burn – and do whatever it can to preserve the body fat we have.

Our bodies WANT to maintain the extra body fat we have (“I don’t know when I’ll need this, better save”), and are actively working in unison to preserve it – so even after a few pounds are lost from running, it’s going to be a persistent challenge to keep the weight off.

As pointed out in this article above:

“In long-term studies of weight-reduced children and adults, 80%-90% return to their previous weight percentiles, while studies of those successful at sustained weight loss indicate that the maintenance of a reduced degree of body fatness will probably require a lifetime of meticulous attention to energy intake and expenditure.”

This is why so many people can LOSE weight, but can’t seem to keep the weight off.

This is also not even factoring in all of the other issues around our bodies: environmental issues (you can smell Cinnabon minutes before you see it!), psychological challenges, menopause, hormones, depression, anxiety, and other issues.

These things cause our bodies to crave food, to try and store food, and make it tough for us to keep our calorie intake under control, because chocolate cake.

To Recap:

You can’t exercise your way to weight loss.

Your metabolism slows down when you lose weight.

Your environment and food scientists are trying to get you to overeat.

Your body will try to keep its fat stores.

Even when you lose the weight, your body wants to keep the fat it has.

If you lose weight, you have to keep working on it or you’ll put the weight back on.

This is all terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news.

I know, I know.

However, there is HOPE!

And here at Nerd Fitness – and in the Star Wars universe – rebellions are built on hope.

We have thousands of success stories from people who thought they couldn’t lose weight…until they did.

People HAVE lost weight, and kept it off. People who are older, bigger, have more children, less money, more illnesses, and bigger hardships than you.

It’s a constant battle, but one that’s absolutely worth fighting.

And this means that you are not broken. You don’t have metabolic damage. You are not doomed. Sure, you’re flawed. But so are your heroes .

You might be playing life on “Legendary” difficulty, but people like you have succeeded.

It starts by using all of the tools at our disposal, because the forces working against us are doing the same.

Let’s get nerdy.

The Science of Fat Loss

YES, it would be awesome if you could drink a tea, or wrap yourself in plastic, and it would somehow magically make you lose weight or fat.

YUP, it would be amazing if a 30 minute bootcamp class was enough to still allow you to eat junk food all day every day and not gain a pound.

YEAH, it would be amazing if you could take a magic pill that reversed the past decade of damage you’ve done to your body.

It would also be cool if superheroes were real and I could fly.

Well, not like that.

Come on, Aquaman. People can see you.

Anyways!

We live in a world of science, physics, and thermodynamics.

This means we should ALWAYS look at life through the following lenses:

Occam’s Razor: The simplest explanation is PROBABLY the correct one.

Law of energy: Energy can’t be created or destroyed, only transformed.

Reality: If it sounds TOO good to be true, it probably is.

Let’s apply this to our waistlines:

If we are overweight…

It’s not because we have “toxins” in our body that need to be flushed out.

It’s not because we didn’t spend enough time in the “fat-burning” zone during our “muscle confusion” bootcamp.

It’s not because we picked the wrong ‘fat burning’ product tea.

These are all pseudoscience buzz terms to sell products, and have no truth to their claims.

Occam’s Razor dictates the simplest solution is PROBABLY the right one.

So what’s the simple explanation to why we’re overweight?

Every day, we consume food that gets transformed into energy.

This food has three options:

Fuel our bodily functions: fuel our organs, regulate our body temperature, etc.

Pass through as waste: pee and poop.

Get stored as fat: saved for a rainy day.

If we are overweight, we are consuming too much ‘energy’ every day. Our body doesn’t need all of it, so too much is being stored as fat consistently.

Which brings us to the main point of our nutritional focus:

If weight loss is our goal, we must consume FEWER calories than we burn on a consistent basis.

By doing so, our body HAS no choice but to dip into that “rainy day” fund of fat stores to still get all of its bodily tasks done each day.

Do this consistently, and that’s how we end up with a lower number on the scale and a smaller pants size.

“Steve I know I should eat less. It’s doing it consistently that’s the tough part.

Have you tried CAKE?!”

Great point.

And yes, cake is awesome.

But we have to start somewhere.

And it starts here: we need to eat fewer calories, but it ALSO has to be sustainable and enjoyable, otherwise we’ll never stick with it.

And temporary changes produce temporary results. We want permanent weight loss!

Just saying “eat less” doesn’t factor the crazy biological, physiological, and/or emotional challenges we face every day:

We might eat when we’re stressed, depressed, or bored.

We can’t eat just one potato chip without eating an entire bag.

We absentmindedly grab a handful of Peanut M&M’s when visiting Kevin in Accounting.

Not only that, but even when we pay attention to what we eat, studies show that we often underestimate our calorie consumption by 30+%.

Crap. This just keeps getting worse! What’s a smart nerd like you supposed to do in this scenario!?

If we KNOW we overeat without realizing it, and we KNOW restricting calories is tough to stick with long term, then the only path forward is to attack the problem differently.

Not with fit tea.

Nor with body wraps.

Not with “muscle confusion.”

But with science, math, and psychology.

What to Eat For Weight Loss

If weight loss is the goal, we need to shift our food choices to foods that give us more “bang for our buck” – healthy, filling, nutritious foods that fill us up and makes us less likely to overeat calorie-bomb foods.

These foods allow us to feel full, but still keep us under our calorie goal for the day:

Protein like meat, fish, eggs, and so on.  

Fruit like apples, bananas, berries.

Vegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, kale.

Quinoa, legumes, oats, rice, and potatoes (in moderation).

These are foods that take up a lot of space in our stomach and make us feel full.

Compare this to foods that don’t fill us up, but are loaded with calories – thus making it very easy to overeat without realizing it.

High calorie, easy to overeat foods like bread, fries, pasta.

Soda and juices and sugary coffee beverages.

Candy, cookies, crackers, etc.

To really HAMMER this point home…

As we point out in “Can You Burn Fat and Build Muscle at the Same Time?” here’s what 200 calories look like, thanks to WiseGEEK.

Which ones do you think will make you feel full, and which ones will make you eat more than you realize?

                  Can you get yourself to stop after 2/3rds of a bagel or a small handful of pasta?

Of course not!

One more example – here’s 200 calories of broccoli:

“Steve, that is an absurd amount of broccoli.”

Yup. It’s also the SAME number of calories as 2/3rds of a bagel (which doesn’t even include the calories from the cream cheese or butter).

Now, it’s insulting to say “You should eat more broccoli and less bagels. There’s yer problem.”

I’m merely pointing this out to emphasize the difference between energy (calories) and volume.

(Hate broccoli and all vegetables? Read this.)

Depending on what you eat, you could feel “OH SO FULL” after your meal or “Why am I already hungry again? NOM NOM NOM.”

Which means…

If you can start to make even SMALL changes, substituting nutrient-dense, calorically-light foods like protein, fruit, and veggies, for junk food – even occasionally, it’s going to shift the energy balance back in the right direction.

You’ll become more likely than not to eat fewer calories than you burn, moving you beneath your daily equilibrium.

Do that consistently, and you start to pull from those fat stores.

And we end up the holy grail: sustainable, non-miserable weight loss.

This is actually the secret sauce for ALL popular diets these days.

As we point out in our “Perfect Diet” article, all the popular diets get you to eat more REAL food and less junk food. They just all have their own unique marketing spin to sell cookbooks and podcast episodes

Let’s look at each of these diets in a nutshell:

Paleo: cut out grains and dairy. Consume only meat, veggies, fruits, and nuts

Keto: cut out ALL carbs. Consume only meat, veggies, nuts, and fatty sauces.

Intermittent Fasting: cut out an entire MEAL every day.

Mediterranean Diet: focus on REAL foods, with whole grains. Cut out processed foods.

Carnivore Diet: Only eat meat. Remove everything else.

Military Diet: Nevermind. Please don’t do this diet.

ANY of the diets above will result in weight loss if you strictly follow the rules, but not for the reason you’d think.

It’s not because we’re designed to eat like cave people (though we are), or that our bodies function differently on a Ketogenic Diet (it does), or even that fasting has plenty of health benefits (it does!).

Those things are like 2% of the reason why they work for weight loss. [2% is a statistic I made up to emphasize the smaller importance of any ancillary benefit compared to the bigger picture]

The other 98%: they make us more likely than not to consume fewer calories on average than we usually eat, which will lead to weight loss in the long term… if you can stick with it.

And each diet has rules and guidelines that speak to the specifics of individual people. We have our own 10-level system at Nerd Fitness that we’re proud of – it promotes small changes and gets results in a unique way.

WHICH DIET SHOULD I PICK To Lose Weight?

In my opinion, you should only follow a strict diet like those above IF you can see yourself sticking with it consistently for the next 10 years.

“Steve, that’s melodramatic. Come on.”

That’s what I was going for.

If a diet sounds too restrictive to stick with permanently, then it’s too restrictive for you to devote weeks or months of your life to!

After all, temporary changes equal temporary results. You’re better off picking a diet that you confidently feel like you can stick with permanently.

Here’s the end goal we’re working towards:

Sustainable weight loss and weight maintenance.

A healthy weight that you can maintain without feeling miserable. Looking in the mirror and being happy with what you see, and knowing that the weight stays off.

And most importantly, our “normal” behavior that allows us to enjoy life but also reach our goals. Not temporary changes. But permanent small adjustments that adjust over time as we start to see results and build momentum.

Sound good?

Let’s get back to basics and start learning about the food we’re putting into our bodies. Cool? Cool.

A PRIMER ON STRENGTH TRAINING

Conservatively speaking, strength training is the greatest thing ever invented in the history of the galaxy.

Okay, so maybe it’s third after electricity and Nintendo.

But I say this to make a point.

There’s a huge difference between “exercise” and strength training when it comes to body composition.

We cover this in a very in-depth manner in our “Can I Lose Weight and Build Muscle?” article  – which is one giant Harry Potter allegory that you’ll love – but I’ll share the basics right here.

If your goal is consistent, permanent, healthy weight loss and weight management, 80-90% of the battle will be nutrition,

When it comes to exercise, you really only have TWO things to focus on:

What exercise do you love? Good. Do that.

Strength train as often as you have time for.

I’ll touch on the first one quickly.

When you do exercise you love, you’re giving your heart and body a good workout. You’re reminding yourself “I am living healthy” and THUS you should be more likely than not to stick with your healthy eating strategy.

Notice I said “exercise you love.” If you hate running, never run a mile again. Hate going to the gym? Never set foot in one. Hate bootcamps? Me too. Don’t do them.

Instead, go rock climbing, or hiking, or do yoga, or swing dancing, or LARPing. Really, anything that gets you off your ass and moving. Cool? Cool.

How Strength Training Assists Weight Loss

Your body functions differently when you strength train, in all of the right ways.

We have a whole Strength Training 101 sequence that can you get you started, but I’ll whet your appetite with the nerdiest metaphor ever below.

You can find study after study after study that shows you the benefits of strength training for weight management when combined with “calorie restriction.”

Let me explain it here quickly, borrowing from Harry Potter: (You know, the wizard.) At the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, when each student arrives they put on the “Sorting Hat,” an actual hat that determines which House (group) that child will join for his time at Hogwarts. The hat acts almost like a traffic director: “Harry, you will go to Gryffindor! Draco, you will go to Slytherin!”

Your body operates in a VERY similar fashion: every day, it receives new calories (when you eat), and it needs to decide what to do with them! For example: You eat a large Hawaiian pizza and 20 ounces of Mountain Dew. Your body has to do SOMETHING with all those calories.

To keep things simple, let’s look at the 3 most common results.

It’ll sort those calories into one of three Houses:

A: Burn for Fuel. B: Rebuild Muscle. C: Store as Fat.

Your body sorts most of those calories into “Burn for Fuel.” There’s a number of calories your body burns each day just existing: to keep your liver functioning, your heart pumping, your brain operating, and so on – it burns a good chunk of calories just keeping the lights on.

Here are two quick examples:

A 6’, 34-year old male weighing 250 pounds burns 2,300 calories a day just by existing.

A 5’5”, 40-year old female weighing 140 pounds burns 1,350 calories a day just by existing.

Now, if you don’t do any exercise, and you consume MORE calories than the rate you burn each day, the “Sorting Hat” in your body needs to put those calories somewhere! Where do you think it’ll sort them? “C: Store as Fat.”

However, your body’s sorting behavior changes when you strength train. Specifically, when you train in a way that really challenges your muscles. This is completely relative to where you are at in your life right now:

HEAVY weight training might be a 500 lb deadlift or a 5 pound dumbbell curl.

INTENSE bodyweight training might be a handstand push-up or a knee push-up.

When you strength train – by picking up something heavy – your muscles are “broken down” during the exercise itself, and then they rebuild themselves stronger over the next 24-48 hours. Guess what happens during those 24-48 hours? Your body will divert as many calories as possible to “Rebuild Muscle!”

It also diverts additional calories to “Burn as Fuel” to handle this increased “muscle rebuilding” activity.

Which means two amazing things:

Your metabolism is revved up for this time period, burning more calories than normal.

Rebuilding muscle is a calorie taxing activity!

There are significantly fewer calories available for “Store as Fat.”

AND IT GETS BETTER. When you consume fewer calories than your body burns each day, continuing to strength train will cause your body to get even more clever. Let’s imagine a scenario where you’re eating fewer calories than you burn every day:

You strength train regularly, and your muscles break down and need to be rebuilt.

You don’t consume enough calories compared to how many calories your body needs to both rebuild muscle and fuel itself…

So does your body just shut down?

NOPE!

Your body has been preparing for this, by storing any excess calories over the years in the “Store as Fat” house.

This is the moment your body has been saving up for.

This means your body can pull from “Store as Fat” to make sure all the work still gets done, including your daily functions as a human, and rebuilding the muscle. This is the trifecta of physical transformation victory:

You get stronger and keep the muscle you have.

You burn through the fat you’re trying to get rid of.

You’re decreasing your body fat percent and keeping your muscle = look good naked.

This would be a “win-win-win” according to Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin Scranton.

BACK TO BASICS: How To Guarantee Successful Weight Loss

If you’re still reading, then there is hope for you yet.

You can do this – but you have to be smart and diligent about it! Stop trying to exercise your way thin, and stop trying to find ‘get fit quick’ solutions.

Instead, take this one day at a time. We’re here for you!

We talk about proper nutrition in our big “Healthy Eaters” guide, and we go more in-depth into the specific foods that we recommend, but it starts here:

You have to eat fewer calories than you eat now to lose weight, and do so permanently.

The best way to do that is to substitute more protein and veggies onto your plate.

Strength training will supercharge your results, building muscle and burning extra fat.

Understand you’re overeating, and forgive yourself for doing so – most foods have been designed for you to overeat!

YOUR MISSIONS, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT THEM:

#1) Pledge to stop buying snake oil. If you’re not sure, ask yourself “Does this sound too good to be true?” and “What would Steve do?”

In addition: stop doing exercises you hate just to lose weight. Pick exercises you enjoy, and put all of your focus on slowly adjusting your nutrition instead!

Shun the Dark Side and come back to the Light!

#2) Be deliberate in your decisions. Every calorie counts. Every decision counts. So make ONE different decision as a result of you being more aware of what you put in your body.

Drinking water instead of soda or juice.

Swapping out a salad for fries once per week. It all counts, but make your decision deliberate.

You’re a smart person. You know what foods should be daily staples, and what foods should be occasional treats. It all counts. So make ONE decision differently to prove to yourself that you can change.

#3) Educate yourself on the serving size of ONE food that you eat regularly. Google it. Find out if what you THINK is a serving and what’s actually in a serving is anywhere close to accurate.

You might be surprised to find out:

A serving of pasta is HALF the size of what you normally eat with your meal.

How much peanut butter is considered a serving (hint: it ain’t much).

There are 2.5 servings in that one bottle of Green Machine Naked Juice.

I don’t want you to change the food or the portions yet. I just want you to educate yourself on what you’re eating, and compare it to how much you thought you were eating.

#4) Do a strength training routine! We have 15 free circuit training routines and our Beginner Bodyweight Routine is super popular. We also have a whole Strength 101 article series that gets you from “newbie to barbell” quickly.

While we’re hurtling down this rabbit hole of nutrition, calories, food, and happiness, I’d love you to leave a comment below:

“What is the biggest question you have around nutrition, strength training, and weight loss?”

-Steve

PS: I know this article covers a LOT, and my hope with it is to inspire, educate, and get you fired up. However, you might still be super overwhelmed and lost. I get it!

If that sounds like you, and you’re looking for professional guidance, custom strength training routines just for your situation, and expert accountability, check out our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program!

Schedule your free call and tell us your story! We’d love to hear from you, and we can decide together if we’re a good fit for each other! Simply click the image below for more details:

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Photo source: A good Sunday to you, Can I have your bicycle, Speed!, Swimming pool, Pizza lab, Dinner is set, Happy monday!, Speed.

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