#and keep as much of it as i cld | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angellurgy · 1 month

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squeak

#when i am gone it will be no more impactful than a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it.#my death will have a meaninglessly small impact on this world. maybe it'll have a larger impact on the incorporeal.#there is something in my soul. something hungry. a serpent of unstoppable magnitude held captive in my stomach.#it wont stop until it or i kill us both will it? like a cancer.#im so deeply sorry im so bad at responding to everyone's kind messages. even more so sorry for what will eventually happen next #i have some plans. to excise this tumor that is myself. to rid the world of this putrid filth girl who is nothing but a drain on her compan #we'll see what happens. at least i got my body to a point of self approval before. at least i tried music. at least i tried to be me.#even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal #if only i could live with my self approval instead of loving and wanting so dearly. instead of having a mind corrupted by love #and friendship #i was so much. i know you all barely know anything about me in reality. if i asked any you'd probably just list off kinks and species.#but still. ty those who'll remember yk...#and as backup. if it doesnt work. well. please dont hate me. im just a girl who needs out. and cant keep her thoughts inside more #i hope i can be happy in the afterlife. i hope i can see these angels and maybe be one myself.#gonna put a post on top of this to hide it from brand new ppl lookjng at my blog. bc yeah. you all dont need to hear all of this #its the last one of these for this period either way #god i wish i couldve gone to toronto. i want to so bad still. god. why did i have to realize my hopelessness now of all times #bye

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skunkes · 7 months

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studio apartment does not sound so bad to live in

#talkys #i didnt know they were an Everywhere thing #if the set up is right i cld maybe do it...i dont need much and i wont have anyone over or living with me #and i like not having to waste a whole paycheck on rent ....#now i jst have to. keep relearning to drive and find a jawb lol

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birdricks · 4 months

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stooooooop ur bird facts are giving me crazy bo thoughts but specifically the dyeing feathers to be more gender affirming. immediately started thinking abt birddaughter already doing a form of this and that by extension birdperson's far duller plummage could even make him read as gnc among birdpeople....

UEAHHH DEFINITELY W BIRDDAUGHTER. also yessss i do think personallllyyyy theres a lot to b said abt how bp doesnt fit neatly into bird culture anyways like REGARDLESS of being trans … it depends on how you interpret the culture but tbh id definitely consider bp to be gnc in some form ….

#also much to be said abt his atypical family … hm #oohhhhh birdworld how i desire to know you more …#interesting also that technically all three times he parts ways w rick can be tied back to .. bird cultureee #first time pretty explicitly he misses home and specifically like. the music i think. i forget #second time. is moreso his own values clashing w ricks but like … where do those values come from. and thinkin abt his chat w morty #abt how abandoning his home (and rick) wld be a dick move #and then most recnetly he leaves to go after his family #hmmm. reaching but idgaf #i have aoooo many bird thoughts ..#TALKING ABT BIRDRICK A SEC this is why i go fucking crazyyyy over them like early on where they dont know the like gendered shit of each ot #others culture. like rick doesnt know that male birdppl r supposed to be like x and and bp doesnt know male humans r supposed to be liek y #and they dont gaf!!!!!!!#sigh …. wish i cld be in space free of human expectations ………. lol #ok idk if i sound stupid in the tags LOL i keep forgetting what ive written im. on mobile whatever #asks

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justinefrischmanngf · 7 months

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MUTUALS AND FOLLOWERS! i have a request wherein you stoke the flames for my being incredibly annoying obsessive&interesting about music: will you please send me albums that you would like me to rank the songs of (with explanations/fun facts/thoughts, of course)? if i end up liking this idea as much as i do rn, i think it could be really fun to sit with an album for a span of days and research or whatnot and Think Thoughts and like . again, if i stick to it, it could be an ongoing thing where i just am always bothering you all with long posts about music <3 thank you love you xoxo

#the albums can be anything !!! i think it’d also be a fun way to listen to things i’ve not heard b4 as well as revisit things i’ve heard #So Much ! i just <3 music and have been listening to old white men rank songs and so though i cld also do this #i have also dragged vicky britomart into this via text even though they r offline </3 so u might get their rankings also #idk i just love a little project #please dont ask me how many uni assignments i currently should be thinking about #also if i do keep this going you can literally send albums anytime like just if you think of one #you can also fully ignore me and not do anything & i would 100% understand i was just filled with inspiration suddenly

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sussicaia · 3 months

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mutuals do i delete my personal insta ?

#personal #like i have had it since age 13 so it wld be a big thing to get rid of lmao #i never post on it just keep up with friends #but i feel all the friends i only talk to through insta are v peripheral ?#but then again it’s nice to keep in contact #i also spend wayyy too much time on there that i feel like i cld use sm more productively or enjoyably ?#no regrets abt getting rid of twitter or snapchat #will def keep tumblr though it’s my soft warm social media that’s become my diary lmao #anwyays lots to think abt !

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hwaitham · 20 days

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m favie illustrations frm natsuki takaya’s furuba artbook i bought recently 🧺🍙 :3

#𓈒 ۫ 𝓹𝓾𝓹𝓹𝓲𝓮 𐂯 𝓹𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮𝓼 ₊⠀ೀ #i was going to scan them frm the book so i cld hv high quality images on m phone . . alas . . . m printer is out of commission ;w;#i wub these sooo much natsuki takaya’s illustrations are alwys so beautiful ! ! n to see her commentary behind each piece in the book too !#so fun ! !#i rllie like that piece of kureno + arisa i think ‘s absolutely adorable 🥺 . .#n kyo + kagura ! ! their relationship is vrie sweeeet :3 even if ‘s not romantic love there is still a lot of care for each other #in their hearts . . . ♡#there was an illustration of shigure n akito iiiii . ૮꒰ྀི⊃⸝ ⸝ ⸝⊂꒱ྀིა got so shy looking at it LOL it was a bit too spicy to post ekk > < ! !#anywhosies . srrie hehe u prblie dont care but /i/ do ! ! n i wntd to keep this here on m bloggie bcos :3 i ♡ furuba !

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myownprivatcidaho · 1 month

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#just realized i was removed from my work groupme #??????#i do Not have a good feeling about this #ive received no notification of termination and i cant imagine why my supervisor would remove me #without there first being notification of termination #the only other reason i cld imagine is the girl whos been giving me trouble who i reported for lynching denial and offensive accents #is now under investigation and she may have removed me. ???????#if so thatd be retaliation so idk. idk....#but also tmrw makes (business) day 45 of my investigation and they try to keep investigations to 45 days or less so idk. 😬😬#ive drafted an email to my supervisor for tmrw afternoon and if i havent heard any word explaining it then im gna email him #demanding an explanation #jesus christ this is just so much unnecessary headache #i wrote a joke about a sticky note i left on my food in the fridge. this is a one time incident.#theres ample evidence to show it was a joke and that the report was made in bad faith.#god this is just so fucked up this persons been BULLYING me for months and this is just a step up from the usual trouble shes been giving m #god i dont know wgat to do this is just so much anxiety and its fucking stupid. god.#AND IVE LOST $2400 FROM IT

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latestdreamgirl · 6 months

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god for my s.aw s/i i was thinking john wldve put him in a trap which wldve had something involving having his throat cut open and well. i forgot john dies like that . . .

#ILL PROBABLY KEEP THAT AS HIS TRAP ANYWAYS..#thueres totally more stuff i cld say here but. my brain is shutting off #smth smth my s/is scar meaning to much to him bc it reminds him of john then john dying the same way he got his scar #<Sorry my s/i is insane #crushes #Ok hes totally not a crush at this point but. this is humiliating im not giving john a tag #purring

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mmmmuffins · 9 months

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not allowed to wear a jumpsuit with a cowl neckline out bc it’s ‘so indecent’ and ‘reflects badly on your parents’ why is what I am wearing reflecting badly on you and why are people my parents age looking at me anyway.

#living at home as an adult with a fucking helicopter mum is so difficult like everyone is like ‘just say no’ i CANT #i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it so much i hate it so much #i can’t even move out because that’s not the culture here. won’t be able to move out of this fucking plave till i get MARRIED #i hate being in a country with no space because college won’t offer me a place to live either wth i need to be out soooo fast #lol media w daughters that hv the best rship with their mums make no sense to me cld Not be me fr #i keep posting abt this lately omg i don’t i’m Sorry but it’s so bad i hate it #delete

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jdopes-recorder · 1 year

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Not little rant pls ignoreee

Literally giving you so much time to scroll past

Stop scrolling

Well you asked for it:

Im feeling kinda lonely here :/

There's moots and blogs I like that are so talented and cool so obv they get a lot of asks and interactions

They all must be getting them cuz they do something, right

What do I even do here?

I reblog sfuff.

I know that reblogs mean a lot to the writers but still.

I've literally posted one headcanon but that was from some surge of confidence and I don't like anything I've sort of written other than that. Ones with serious topics and scenarios. I'm not good at conveying that stuff. My writing is like an examination essay, pretty bad with bringing emotions and more descriptive.I have ideas but I'm not good at writing.

Idk what to make edits and gifs.

I dont do those 'relatable thoughts' that I see everywhere.

Am I even worth much to the people I interact with? Probably not tbh there's nothing great abt me

The one I was closest to here for the most was aster but then she deactivated suddenly and I didn't even know why so I had to ask rin.... It sounds stupidly selfish but I just wish aster had let me know before she left bcz it was such a shock. I was gonna ask her smthg and I went to our messages and it said it was deactivated.

It was just a lot to process and I miss her a lot.

I'm not rly doing anything worthwhile here tho am I?

What do I bring to this platform?

Nothing really

I do moodboards sometimes but I haven't for like two months cuz it takes quite a bit of time and patience and I don't have that kind of stuff rn

It feels pretty pathetic actually, to see your moots posting awesome stuff that literally move my soul while I do nothing.

I suppose sometimes I may make them happy a bit

Maybe

I always try my best to leave feedback on all writing works I read and I know how much that means to them

I've only posted one thing and the few reblogs I got and their tags mean so much so I wanna do that for others.

But it feels.... Weird and sad to be this unproductive here.

Kinda feels like I don't belong in a place like this where there are so many talented creative wonderful people.

I'm not rly thinking about it but, if I deactivated my blog, what great thing will be gone with me? Moots may be a bit :( but they'll definitely find many another blogs that are equally cool to interact with right? Right.

Ok well that was the most I've ever showed my feelings here... Weirdddd

#feels like im the one reaching out to interact most of the time.... does that mean ppl dont wanna interact with me #cld just be me and my self depreciating and bombarding ways #keep thinking ppl dont like me much and just answer cuz they feel like they have to #like... i see moots getting a lotta asks and interactions and stuff #probably cuz i dont post fics right #cuz then you get a lot more traction and boost which leads to more interactions?#i dont wanna be that annoying person that keeps bugging people #~bell rants #prolly delete later

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actualbird · 1 year

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#i kno i shld be happy that theres a chance my breathing issues and chest pains arent #serious and are just worsening due to anxiety but. actually i wanna riot cuz like. seriously #i spent alll that money for consults and an xray and it cld just be because of my dumbass brain #psychosomatic symptoms are the worse worse i know mental illness is valid but man #it still does feel now like i just made it all up! i made up the pain and problems cuz im ~stressed~#blegh. i wanted stop getting all these checkups the moment doc said it cld be mental stuff #thts just.... to me that is not worth how much this all costs #alas my mother is quite invested in keeping me alive. agh #dootdootdoot

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skunkes · 28 days

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I mean this vent completely neutrally and as an observation rather than Woe is Me negativity but going ham in my sketchbook has been Fun but along with not really Learning anything (tho historically no art knowledge ever sticks to my brain) I'm no closer to understanding how I WANT to draw! if that makes sense.

I dont really identify with or want to continue any of the patterns I try (nor do they get any more muscle memory-y, in the fundamentals area).

Its fine as long as its Fun but I really feel the aimlessness. Like I'll keep going but I've also. Been doing that. All I do is Keep Going, when does it all tetris together!

#continuation of this is like. idk how to trust my eyes if im being honest! and im understanding rules but not how to break em #like how i understand that in realistic proportions theres as much space above the eyes than below them on a face #but obviously people draw characters with shorter foreheads/skulls all the time #ive done it too. but it looks Wrong when i do it on purpose. i feel everything i try to do looks unintentionally wrong #idk how to get to the intentional part or what i even want that to look like!#the permanent issue of not knowing what i want it to look like i just know i dont want it to look like this #which is bad bc you shouldnt qualify things by the negatives like that....wagh #im no good at making things from scratch i wish someone wld just draw in my ideal art style already so i cld study it #(jork)#technically i cld do this with urasawa bc like i said thats a dream style right there ill just infuse it with mine #but it Feels wrong #and i know u dont need to have 1 art style forever but i draw one way and forget all the previous ways ive ever drawn #i rly dont understand! i wish we cld share brains with each other so i cld gain understanding of what to do next ykwim #bc ill always keep going i just worry im never going to Get it #that there will always be that bizarre and extreme disconnect between eye and mind and hand #talkys

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noxtivagus · 1 year

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today's been good c: