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celluloidbroomcloset · 6 months

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A good bit has been made of Ed saying that "last night was a mistake" and I get the sense that a lot of people are interpreting things through a lens that he means they shouldn't have slept together, they should have waited, Stede was pushing things too far too fast, etc. So I want to go into some detail on why I don't agree with that, and what I think is happening in the aftermath of Calypso's Birthday, as well as in the love scene itself.

(This is kinda long, because I am not witty and cannot be brief. These are just my thoughts, so of course I'm not trying to tell anyone how to understand what happens in these scenes.)

Them having sex and what happens after is very much related to the things that they've both gone through, and especially Ed's fears and trauma after his depressive spiral. When we first meet Ed in Season 1, he's already borderline suicidal. Stede gives him a new view of life by showing him things that he's never seen before, and emotions he's never experienced before. He falls in love and anchors himself to Stede. Then his anchor breaks and lets him float off. He's alone and heartbroken and quite literally goes insane with grief and self-loathing (spurred on by Izzy) on a ship filled with people and things that keep reminding him of how he wasn't enough.

In Season 2, he knows that if he goes back to being Blackbeard, again, after everything, he might very well never be able to come back. He's still terrified of Stede abandoning him, and I think the fact that he did consent to the sex, that he did want to have sex, that he did feel loved and desired and happy, is a huge part of that. He says it was a mistake because he wanted it so much and got exactly what he wanted and is afraid that, again, he's going to lose the person who made him feel like he was enough. So he's doing exactly what Stede says he's doing - panicking and trying to run this time, so that he's not the one who gets hurt again. That's not the same as truly regretting the night before; it actually says that them sleeping together meant so much that it's frightened him because now he stands to lose even more. (If losing Stede once ripped him apart, after they had just barely kissed and admitted they care for each other, what would losing Stede now do to him?)

Should they have waited? Doesn't really matter. They didn't. Are they overwhelmed with emotion? Well, yeah. There have been other posts floating around discussing the relationship between sex and death and the concept of funeral sex, which are quite accurate IMO.

But...I'd say the moment when Stede first grabs Ed at the door is the "overwhelmed with emotion" part. Remember that Stede has killed before, accidentally, and is absolutely wracked with guilt by it. The guilt is also associated with Ed and with his masculinity/sexuality - "you defile beautiful things" - and Ned's words earlier poked those wounds. The last thing that Ed said to Stede before he killed Ned was not to do it because "you can't come back from that." So Stede does what he did before - he runs and hides. But he's not alone anymore. Ed shows up. He's not angry, he's not rejecting Stede or lecturing Stede; nothing has fundamentally changed in their relationship because Stede killed Ned. He's there to say, "Hey, it's OK, it's hard, I know, I've been there." Stede is overwhelmed with emotion - guilt at what he's done and all its associations with his past, fear that he's ruined something in his relationship (defiled a beautiful thing), uncertainty about what this means about him as a person. And there's Ed, standing there and saying "Are you OK?" Nothing has been defiled.

It's not Ed who crosses the threshold - maybe Stede needs his space and really doesn't need his sympathy right now, so he waits there and doesn't invade the space - but Stede who grabs him and drags him across. That's the impulsive moment, not the sex. Ed is surprised by it, as we can see on his face, and Stede is in pain and almost crying. He seems incapable of speech at that moment, which says a lot about his state of mind since this is a man who cannot shut up. He's not behaving rationally or thinking things through deliberately; he's coming apart and Ed's there and Ed holds him together.

Now, the next cut could've been to Stede throwing Ed down on the bed or kissing him aggressively (as, indeed, has happened in plenty of shows and films with these kinds of scenes). But that's not what happens. The next cut is to the end of the impulsive moment, Stede backing Ed up against the wall. Then there's a pause. Both of them are recalibrating. Stede in fact keeps his distance (wish we could actually see their expressions up close), and he waits. He's done something he likely shouldn't have in grabbing Ed; he's stopping himself from doing anything else he shouldn't. He's making a choice and it's an important one, just like when he stopped the kiss when Ed told him to, when he stopped saying "I love you" because Ed couldn't hear it, or when he asked if it was OK to hold Ed's hand. He didn't do anything wrong in being impulsive, and he's waiting for his partner to help him know what to do next.

Could Ed say no at that point? Yes, absolutely, and we know from the moonlight scene that Stede would not try to go farther. Would Ed say no at that point, with the knowledge of how much this man needs him? Yes, I think he would. I don't think this is a case of Ed going "well, he needs this, so I'll sleep with him." That interpretation I think undermines Ed's autonomy and misunderstands his character - he's not going to do something that he doesn't want to, not even for Stede, and he's not going to damage their relationship by having their first time be a result of pity or sympathy. It's going to be about mutual desire, or it's not going to happen at all.

That pause is where they look at each other (again, wish we could see expressions better) and Ed nods. And even then, when Stede leans in to kiss him, it's not Stede who increases the intensity. I think we could even read this as Stede not consciously planning for the kiss to lead to sex. It's Ed who grabs Stede, pulls him up against him, lets his body support Stede's, who's practically collapsing. It's Ed who snatches Stede's waist and wraps his arm around his shoulders and caresses his neck.

I think it's really important that Ed is the one who ups the intensity. His actions are pretty much the definition of enthusiastic consent. That's needed for the scene, just like all the other scenes where Stede stops when Ed tells him to. It's Ed who wanted to take it slow and so now his choice to go ahead is necessary. There's no indication that this is rushed or only a result of passion and pain.

The next scene, Stede is closing the curtains, and he's shirtless, but Ed is still mostly dressed (and no, that is not the face of a man having second thoughts or being pressured into sex. That's the face of a man who's so in love he can't see anything but fireworks). What's happening is very deliberate on both their parts, and the entire scene is a culmination of their desires and - very importantly - their love for each other. It's not Stede needing comfort or validation and Ed rewarding him with sex. It's them both needing, wanting, and loving each other.

It's really tempting to make this all more angst-y than it is, especially with Ed's later "last night was a mistake!" But once more, this silly gay pirate show gets at something that a lot of less silly films and TV shows don't - that human relationships are messy and complex, and messiness and complexity are not inherently Problematic. Just human.

Tl;dr: seems like neither of them regretted having sex, and not just because it was definitely good sex.

#ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #ed teach #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #yes i have feelings about the silly gay pirate show #and must write essays about them #our flag means death

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crazyk-imagine · 4 months

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Ruined Relationships, but the Love is There

Pairing: Mark Sloane x Ex-Girlfriend!reader

Characters: Mark Sloane, Ex-Girlfriend!reader, Kara Sloane, Jackson Avery, April Kepner, Meredith Grey, Christina Yang, Derek Sheppard, George O'Malley, Owen Hunt, Addison Montgomery (briefly mentioned)

Warnings: Angst, fluff, cheating, adultery, ooc peeps, minor cursing, drama (what else would you expect), like a lot of drama, near death experience, classic grey's things going on here, cheating, bad relationships, mentions of pregnancy, keeping children hidden from father, car accidents, reader is a doctor, everyone is in kahoots, Christina is into beating, Meredith and Derek are cute, Bailey is great as always, George is here and lives, no mentions of Izzie or Alex, friendships between Mark and Meredith, plus Mark and Christina, Christina is a secret romantic at heart

Word Count: 4,593

A/N: I feel like everyone is ooc but idc bc I love this fic

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You ignore him, praying to whatever god is listening to keep him away from you.

Meredith and Christina notice the tension in your shoulders, sharing a look.

“You know I don’t care about a lot of people but, are you okay?” the curly haired female asks.

You shrug, acting as if nothing has changed. “I’m fine, why?”

Meredith chimes in. “You’re looking a little-“

“Squirrely?”

“I was gonna go with tense but squirrely works.”

You huff through your nose, “would you two shut up.” You hand the clipboard back to your favorite nurse, Marjorie. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You spin around and walk out, not looking back.

Derek shakes his head, watching you basically run out of the hospital.

Mark glances behind him, not finding who he wanted and sighs. He looks up to see his friend and offers a small wave.

The ferry boat lover nods to acknowledge him.

The plastic surgeon bids the others goodbye and stands in front of the doors, thinking about everything that led him here.

You drive past him without realizing it as he thinks of your face when you caught him in bed with Addison.

His eyes trail on the car, wishing he could see you again and not just glimpses.

You roll your eyes and walk away across the bridge, not caring how unprofessional you look. “I’m not talking to you.”

He picks up his pace, following after you. “Please just-“

You scoff, spinning around to face him, “no, I tried before. I did and then,” you lean forward poking him in his chest, “you decided to stick your dick in someone else. Someone who was married and oh, yeah, not your girlfriend.” You cross your arms, “so, excuse me for not being particularly excited at the sight of you.”

“Fiancé.”

You blink once, furrowing your brows. “What?”

“I was,” he gulps. "I was going to propose to you that night.” He pulls the little black box out of his pocket, handing it to you.

”Before or after you screwed Addison,” you bitterly add, staring at the box. If you open it, that's giving him hope.

"I- she came to me and-“

You scoff hard enough for the vibrations to scratch your throat for a few seconds. “I cannot believe this- you- you think it’s okay to just- I’m done.”

“Please don’t,” he begs, eyes getting glossier the more you talk. “Don’t say it.”

Your bottom lip wobbles, removing your gaze from him. “I’m done with this, with us, and you. Now, you get to deal with the guilt. If you have any at all.” You slam the box in his hand and walk away.

Nothing could have prepared anyone at the hospital for this.

You know they’re all looking at you and it pisses you off. “What are you looking at?!”

Christina does damage control, stopping everyone from getting your wrath.

Meredith finds him in the on-call room, she was hoping to nap before joining in on a surgery but seems like the universe had other plans. ”You uh- okay?”

He fiddles with the box, staring at the diamond that taunts him. “Does it look I’m okay?”

She shrugs, “not really but it’s better than admitting you were stupid for messing things up with her.”

“My mistake brought Derek to you, didn’t it?”

“Why are you here?”

“If I go to Joe’s I’m going to sleep around, proving her point.”

“And staying here?”

“I don’t know where else to go. Derek is still upset with me, and I don’t blame him, but I know he loves you and I don’t need to hear a speech from him. I’m not ready for him to tell me I messed up more than any of us want to admit.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” He asks, finally looking up from the ring. “I was scared.”

“To,” she gestures to the ring.

“That and be a husband.”

“You weren’t scared of asking, it was the commitment that got you, I can understand it.”

“No, no," he shakes his head. "I didn’t think- I knew I wouldn’t be a good husband. I- everyone only saw the bad, my parents, Derek at times but she didn’t. She never did and that’s why I,” he lets out a tearful chuckle, “that’s why I fell for her. She saw the good no one else did and I screwed it up.”

Meredith hands him a tissue.

“You tell anyone about this, and I’ll let you observe one of my surgeries beside me.”

“I wasn’t but if you’re offering.”

The two chuckled.

Christina owlishly blinks, watching as you work on your last patient for the day as if nothing’s happened.

“How can she just put it all behind her?” George questions, sitting beside her.

“Having a nervous breakdown earlier in the day helps.”

“I feel like there should be someone sitting between us.”

The future cardiologist shrugs, “suit yourself.”

“You’re going to check on her after she’s done, right?”

“I’ll talk to her, if she opens up, good for her.”

A smile dances across his lips, happy that someone’s going to check on you; he likes you and admires your work, knowing you could be someone as well-known as Ellis Grey.

“Can you teach me your sutures?”

You ignore her and finish checking over your charts. “Yours are fine. Tell me the real reason you're bugging me.”

She purses her lips, not wanting to admit it out loud. “Are you okay?”

“You really want to know?”

She hesitates to nod. “I… do.”

“It sucks. Everything just… sucks. I don’t want to be here, but this is the only place that makes me feel calm.” You hand Marjorie the chart, smiling at her before returning to Christina. “I’m going to get through this. He’s going to find a nice girl and have the family he always wanted while I’ll still be here.”

“He’s going to go through girls like I go through tequila.”

“I know,” you grab your bag. “Which is why I know he’ll finally find his girl.”

She follows you until you reach the door. "What if it's you?"

A sad smile stretches across your lips. "He lost her."

”Forever?”

You shrug.

The resident stands there, unsure of what to do now.

You glance in his direction, wondering how many women he’s going to write down on the sheet. You hand yours back to Bailey, “I keep my life outside of work, unlike some people.”

Mark inwardly groans.

Bailey avoids making eye contact with him, she can’t continue to feel bad for him when he’s the one who messed things up (from what you told her).

You walk past the new residents, not in the mood to deal with them, especially with the girls fawning over Mark.

You sit down and watch his surgery, listening to the way he talks down to them.

You always told him he needs to slow down and be kind to them or else they won’t respect him but with everything that’s happened, you assume he’s a little bitter.

He always knows when you're watching and composes himself, but he can’t help and snap at the newbie (you don’t need to be talked about as if you’re a piece of meat). He glances up, catching your gaze.

You gulp, finding his soft expression he only used for you.

Everyone turns to you.

Two of the girls in orange start gossiping beside you.

“I have charts to look over. Come with me?” George asks.

You nod, finding it hard to keep your gaze off him but do so, only to inform the girls of some key information. “Keep talking like that and you two won’t find yourself off bedpan duty for a few months. Don’t talk about your superiors like that again."

The young faced one eyes widen and her face pales at your threat.

Mark can’t help but smirk behind his mask, always loving it when you straightened people out, if it was necessary.

"I see you two still aren’t talking.”

“Shut up, George.”

“Right, yeah. Got it.”

You try and ignore him again, which is when Derek steps in. “You should talk to him.”

“I know you two are all buddy buddy now, but I can’t do that. I can’t pretend like he didn’t break my heart in two. So, excuse me for ignoring your best friend."

He stops in front of you. “I need you to stop, think about this. What if you two don’t make amends and something happens? How would you feel? Think about how he would feel?”

“We’d be depressed, but eventually get over it, maybe be slutty for a few months and that’s the end of it.”

“That’s not a healthy way of dealing with your feelings and you know it.”

“I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. I have issues and I deal with them my way.”

“If you’d talk to him, maybe you’ll feel better.”

You roll your eyes and head into the prep station before you two head into surgery.

Bailey rolls her eyes, reaching for your phone. “Your phone keeps buzzing, doctor.”

You sigh, “does it look important?”

She leans closer, whispering, “it’s about your daughter.”

“Daycare or babysitter?”

“Babysitter. Fever, wants her mom.”

You take a deep breath and lean over to talk to your friend, “doctor Bailey’s going to take over. I need to go.”

“You’re leaving in the middle of a surgery?”

“I have to take care of something.”

“What?”

“My daughter.”

The staff in the OR got quiet, no one observing said anything.

You didn’t see the lights until it was too late.

“We got one adult in critical condition. One child with a minor bruising.”

Bailey and Owen are the first to arrive.

The woman’s eyes narrow to the familiar baby in Matt’s arms.

Owen steps forward. “What happened?”

“Car accident. Drunk ran a red light. Drivers side took more of the impact.”

“We need to get her checked out now.” The redhead pushes himself through, taking over one of the rooms. He tells the interns and fresh residents to prep a surgical room and put Christina on babysitting duty, leaving Jackson to follow him and Callie into the OR.

“I heard there was an accident,” Mark says, standing in the doorway. “I wanted to see if you needed any assistance?”

Callie glances at her ally in the room. “No, you should go check on Derek. I think I heard him calling for you.”

“When did he-"

“She’s coding,” Jackson interrupts.

“Crap! Avery, push one of epi.”

Everyone in the room prays for it to work and you to come back.

“Let me help,” he takes a step forward before being called away by one of the nurses.

He takes a sip of coffee, goes over the notes and overhears a few residents gossiping. His head whips in their direction. "Where'd you hear that?” He asks them, not accepting their answers.

They freeze. "Where did you hear that? Is she here?"

The group of residents’ glances at one another, unsure of what to say. "Who told you she's here?"

April had never worked with Mark before and seeing how freaked out he was over someone who wanted almost nothing to do with him, she felt bad; if someone she was in love with was hurt or worse, she'd want to know. "We- we saw her come in. They-"

He doesn't listen to anything else and takes off, running past Christina, who coddles the tear eyed, red faced toddler in her arms.

He runs straight towards Meredith, who's talking to Owen. "Where is she?"

The red head takes a step foward. "She's in surgery-"

"What room?"

"Sloan, you know I can't-"

He grabs Owen's scrubs by the collar and pulls him close. "I need to see her. I can't be here, waiting to see if she's dead or not. Tell me where she is."

The ex-vet slowly reaches for the man's hands. "Mark, I need you to calm down."

"How can I calm down when I just found out my fiancé is in surgery?"

Meredith takes a seat beside him, slumping against the wall, offering him a snack.

He shakes his head, closes his eyes and resting his head against the wall. "Have you heard anything?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I don't even know where she is."

"I just- what am I going to do if she's really-"

"Don't talk like that. She's not one to give up. She's-"

"A fighter?"

"Yeah."

Christina turns the corner, eyes wide. "Meredith?" She spots the two of them and runs towards them, inadvertently introducing your daughter to her father. "Mer. Mer. I need your help."

"Where did you get a baby?" She pushes herself off the floor. "Why do you have a baby?"

"Bailey put me on Kara duty and she won't stop crying."

"Whose baby, is it?"

That's when things got awkward.

Meredith's eyes widen, "no."

She nods.

Mark opens his eyes, glancing up. His eyes stop on the little girl, who glances his way.

She reaches for him. "Dada."

No one knew what to do.

"Oh my god," the two women muttered.

He pushes himself off the floor, staring at her. There's no mistaking it, she has your features, but she's got his eyes.

The little girl fusses in the woman's arms.

Mark easily slides her into his, his daughter settles into his arms, staring at him with those wide, curious eyes. "Mama?"

He gulps, "we have to wait a little bit before we see mama, okay?"

She nods and lays her head down on his chest.

He closes his eyes to keep his tears at bay, kissing the top of her head.

"She still loves you," Christina tells him.

He keeps his gaze on his girls and hums. "When you showed her the ring, she didn't say it was officially over for you two but she's still heartbroken over you and Addison getting together."

"I was getting ready to leave."

"What?"

"I grabbed my jacket and made sure I had the ring. I was- I wanted that night to go perfectly but then I opened the door, and she was there." He sighs.

"She let herself in and I tried to get her to leave but she wouldn't and then she kissed me. I told her I couldn't because I was about to become a proud married man," he bitterly chuckles.

"I told her no and she got upset because she knew she could always run to me but when she knew she couldn't anymore, she decided she wanted to love me. The way I wanted her to when we were younger. I accepted it, you know."

The woman nods.

"I accepted the fact that she chose Derek. He was a good choice."

"He was a safe choice, and she knew that."

Mark nods, "yeah and that's why I... tried to warn him before he proposed."

"You tried to warn him?"

"He's my best friend, I couldn't let him go into a marriage that was going to hurt him."

She chuckles, "that's ironic."

"Shut up, Yang."

"Go on."

"I gave into her because a part of me was scared- scared I was going to hear the rejection. No, I can't marry you because..."

"You're a manwhore?"

"Baby present and, yes. I didn't want my past to define my future but then, it did, and she left with Derek."

"Do you think Derek knew about," Christina gestures to the baby in his arms.

"Probably. I'm not happy I missed it but at least I know she had someone who could take care of her."

"Are you ever going to tell her?"

"If she'll listen."

Her pager beeps.

"Go, Yang. I'm not leaving."

Derek nods and steps into the room.

"You hear all that?"

His friend shrugs, "only the good parts."

"Funny."

"She was going to tell you before... everything happened but then she needed to get away and I did too-"

"So, she left without saying anything."

"If it means anything, she wrote a journal throughout the entire pregnancy, in case she passed, and Kara wanted to know about her mom."

He can tell by Mark's expression; he needs to explain.

"She was stressed throughout the entire pregnancy, and it was cause for concern. She had a few fainting spells and needed to stay home for a while. The doctor was making it seem like if she even went to the bathroom, she was going to lose Kara which scared her more than leaving you."

"Why?"

"If she lost Kara, it meant losing a piece of you which would have made her feel like it was officially over for the two of you."

Your heart monitor beeps. "Derek?"

His friend calms you down, checking you over before whispering that Mark and Kara are in the room.

You slowly turn your head, spotting them.

The father of your child smiles, relieved to see you awake. "Hey."

You spot your little girl tucked into his neck and tear up. You bring your hand up to your mouth to hide the sobs that want to escape.

Mark gestures for your guys' friend to exit so he can talk to you. He slowly pushes himself out of the chair, adjusting to the little girl. "Hey, hey," he brushes the few strands of hair out of your face, his thumb rubbing agaist your hairline. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "Don't be. I'm just- I'm happy you're okay."

"I wanted to call you so many times."

"I know."

"I wanted you to be there."

"Where?"

"In the room," you whisper, staring into his eyes. "I didn't want her to be away from you but-"

He nods. "I know, I messed up. If I didn't- if it didn't happen, we could have been a family, and I will forever be sorry because you went through it alone."

Hearing your voice alerts the little girls’ ears and she squirms in his grasp.

He sets her feet on the open area near your arm, letting her turn around and launch herself into your arms. "Mama!"

"Oh, my sweet baby." You kiss the side of her head. "Mama missed you."

His heart swells at the sight of you two.

A few days later and you feel okay enough to be sent home.

You bid your goodbyes to everyone, even the newbies because they were nice enough to check in on you and make sure everything was okay. You step outside and take a deep breath.

"What do you think you're doing?"

A quiet moment ruined by your ex.

"I'm breathing, Mark. Can I do that, or do you need to make sure the weather's just right?"

He chuckles before getting out of the car. "You know your doctor gave you strict orders, I think you should be following them but that's just me."

You stare at him with a deadpan expression. "I got it, Mark. I know what I need to do, don't try and patronize me."

"I would never."

The residents huddle together, watching the two of you.

"How much do you want to bet that they're going to get back together?" Christina asks.

Jackson nods, "I'll take that bet."

Meredith stares at the two of them.

"You two are awful," April adds.

"Yes, but we'll be bad people with money," the future cardiologist tells her with a sarcastic smile.

Derek stops at the desk, taking a sip of his coffee before making his way to the group. "Okay, if we're all done gawking at two grown adults trying to move past their differences, can we get back to work?"

"You're no fun. I remember when you were having fun."

"You want to scrub in on my surgery, Dr. Yang?"

"Let's go have fun. See yah, Mer."

You make it through the door of your place and wait for it. "Say it."

"What?" He closes the door, setting the stroller by the door as he unbuckles Kara.

"I know you're judging, so, out with it. I'm not going to pretend as if you don't want to say something because you do."

"I don't," he notices the look you're giving him. "I... like it."

"You hesitated even finishing that sentence."

"I did not."

"Did too."

"Mama!"

You two glance down at the little girl, wanting attention and out of her father's grasp. You gently take her from him and wander into the kitchen, scouring through the cabinets to figure out what kind of things you could have as a snack.

This is what he wants, he wants this life: the one where you're not mad at him, and he can watch his daughter grow while you look amazing at being a mom.

He gulps down what little saliva he has in his mouth and takes a hesitant step closer to you. "What are we feeling?"

You hum, "I don't know, little miss here can't decide on what she wants."

"I can make something," he meekly offers, unsure if this is too much or not.

"What can you make? Last time I checked all you knew was protein smoothies and even then, that wasn't the best."

He scoffs, "I know how to cook, and you know it. You forget who made you dinner for our second date."

You open your mouth to respond but don't have it in you when you think about the good times you two had. Your gaze drops.

He feels bad but he can't pretend as if your romantic past doesn't exist. "I was so worried I messed up with that dinner."

"Really?"

"Of course, I was cooking for the most beautiful girl within a five-mile radius of my house. I was more than nervous."

"Good."

You step out of the room and start cleaning up, only for Mark to stop you and grab everything you pick up.

"I told you not to do anything. I got this."

You lean over the couch and watch him wander around your place. "Do you..."

"What?" He glances up, staring at you with kind eyes, wanting to hear what you have to say.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if it didn't happen?"

"I know we'd be married with at least one other kid now."

"I'm serious."

"I don't want to focus on the past."

You scoff, rolling your eyes. "Says the man who always wanted to ask about my exes."

You don't even know how it happened but here you are. You pull away, needing to breathe before continuing.

"Are you sure about this?"

You stare into his eyes, for what feels like an eternity. "I'm sure. I want this. Please," you beg.

His lips curve upwards, "who am I to deny you a fun time?"

You keep him at arm’s length, "that comment makes me want to rethink this whole thing."

"No, it doesn't."

You grumble and pull him back in for a kiss.

Meredith immediately closes the door, regretting not checking before opening. "Seriously you guys?"

You reach for your shirt and cover your mouth to hide your giggles, Mark turns to you with a smirk. "How do you know we weren't trying to invite you?"

"Because you know better."

Your eyes widen.

"Hey, Bailey," he says with a cool tone.

"You two better be out of there in the next five minutes or-"

You open the door and run past the two. "See yah, Bails. See yah, Mer."

Mark stays there flabbergasted at how quickly you ran out the door, leaving him to deal with her.

He closes the door just as you finish making dinner. "You are evil."

You stick your bottom lip out, "I don't think so, I made dinner. I'm going to be feeding you, I'd consider that to be something nice."

"You left me to deal with that- that woman alone."

"I left you with Bails, you were fine."

"I was not fine. I was far from fine."

You click your tongue, "stop exaggerating."

"I'm not and you know it."

"Okay," you groan. "I'm sorry. I left you with Bailey and that wasn't nice."

"It wasn't." He wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head on your chest.

"I said sorry, don't be like this."

"I think I'm going to need a little more in order to forgive you."

You lean into him as you settle into his arms.

The monitor goes off and you're brought back to the reality of you being in the arms of your ex.

You push yourself out of his grasp and walk towards her room. "Hey, pumpkin."

She holds her arms out for you.

You pick her up, "how's my little baby?"

She babbles a response. "Dada?"

"He's still here, checking on dinner. Your favorite."

"Maccheese!"

You chuckle, "yeah."

"There's my favorite girl," he smiles at the happy little girl.

You observe the way they interact with a heavy heart, knowing you can't continue doing this with him.

"What happened?" Christina asks, practicing new sutures on a banana.

"Nothing happened-"

"You're not sleeping with McSteamy, something happened."

"I just- I realized we need to not fall back into old habits."

"Do you still love him?"

You hesitate to answer.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Of course, of course I still love him, but I can't be in love with him-"

"Because he was an adulterous whore?"

"Yeah."

"Have you seen him with anyone else?"

"I didn't need to see anything if all the girls talked about him?"

"Did you ever think maybe they lied? Maybe they're jealous of the fact that you have a hot guy fawning over you and only you. What else would they do other than gossip?"

"How am I supposed to believe that?"

"Have you ever talked to him?"

"I'm scared."

"So is he."

"I don't want to get hurt again."

"He wouldn’t want to lose you again."

"Christina?"

"Yeah?"

"You're wise beyond your years."

You run to him, pulling him into the break room.

He attempts to get up. "Shut up and let me talk."

You take a deep breath, "I want to be with you, like we were before but we're not those people anymore. And- and I want you to be in Kara's life so you can watch her grow up but this," you gesture between the two of you.

"This can only work if we're honest and you don't leave me for a quick lay or else, I will put you in an OR and change things about you. I will not put myself or Kara on the line if you're not going to give us your all."

He nods, taking in everything you've said. He pushes himself off the couch and walks towards you and pulls you in for a hug. "I'm never letting you go," he mumbles into your hair. "Living without you was the worst time of my life."

Mark pulls away, cupping your cheek, staring into your eyes. "If you let me into your lives, I promise not to mess it up because you two are too important to me and I don't know if I'd be able to live without you."

You sniffle, chuckling at his dorky smile. "Then don't be an idiot and kiss me."

"Finally," Christina turns around, pointing to everyone. "You all owe me money."

"Us."

"You owe Mer and I money."

Derek makes his way towards them. "What are we looking at?" He smiles, "good, it's about time he got his act together."

#greys anatomy #greys anatomy imagine #greys anatomy imagines #greys anatomy fanfiction #greys anatomy fanfic #greys anatomy fic #mark sloan #mark sloane imagine #mark sloane imagines #mark sloane fanfic #mark sloane fanfiction #mark sloan fic #mark sloane x reader #mark sloane x you #crazyk-imagine

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tizzyizzy · 7 months

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Izzy's Feelings Matter Too

As a fandom, I find that Ed's feelings are often front and center. How hurt he was when Stede apparently abandoned him. Whether he was healing or not healing in s1e10. How hurtful or triggering or frightening Izzy's threat to him was, and to what extent it motivated Ed to destroy himself and everyone around him.

But what about how Ed's behaviors hurt others' feelings? Like Izzy's? Especially in s1e9 and s1e10?

From season 2 episodes and promos, we now know:

Ed and Izzy loved each other.

Ed and Izzy have been together most of their lives, and they know one another like no one else does.

Izzy taught Ed everything he knows.

Keeping that in mind, let's look back at the Act of Grace scene.

This isn't just Ed sacrificing his old way of life for a new love. Ed is severing his longest lasting, intimate relationship with Izzy for a future with Stede.

So for Izzy, this is his closest, most beloved friend ending their relationship to be with someone new. Someone Izzy said would ruin him.

Then Stede disappears, and Ed comes crawling back.

The man Izzy loved most left him for another man, and after Ed's heart broke, Ed walked back into Izzy's life like he belonged there.

Ed needed time to heal from the heartbreak? Well, I'm sure Izzy would have appreciated a bit of time to himself. Maybe a show of appreciation or apology. Literally any attempt at all to make up for the fact that Ed had picked someone over him (who ran off).

Instead, while Ed is crying in his blanket fort, it's Izzy who has to handle the crew. A crew he is clearly struggling to manage.

Then, without warning, Ed radically changes his leadership approach, if he's even consciously making a decision about how to lead at all. He proposes that they stop being pirates.

Remember, we are now aware that Izzy has known Ed ages. Izzy has been Ed's first mate for a long, long time. Izzy's career and livelihood are deeply intertwined with Ed's.

People tend to forget that Ed is not an independent agent. Izzy Misunderstanders like to paint Izzy as controlling, but Izzy is the one being ordered by a superior. When Ed decides that, actually, the crew is going to become a travelling ship-based variety act, who do you think Ed expects to help organize these plans? Who is going to have to implement these orders? Who is going to be dealing with the consequences when it turns out this may not a practical idea?

And sure, we can say that Ed is free to choose his path, and Izzy is free to leave. But I think most of us would agree that this would require a serious, likely emotional conversation where they both talk about their expectations and needs. Remember how long these two have been working together.

But Ed doesn't think he needs that, because he assumes that Izzy will come around and do what he wants, because until recently that's what Izzy has done.

So, yeah, Izzy said some hurtful shit to Ed, shit that struck a chord. But Ed isn't, and wasn't, the only one hurting in that scene. Izzy's closet friend left him, came back expecting to resume their own partnership without apology, and turned Izzy's entire career and way of life upside-down without warning.

#izzy hands #edward teach #ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands meta #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd season 2 spoilers

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bougiebutchbinch · 14 days

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I AM THINKING THOUGHTS

specifically

asexual Izzy who thinks sex is the only way he can access Those Sweet Snuggles And Aftercare

he's trying SO HARD to repair things between him and ed and stede in the aftermath of S2, where they've all survived and are setting up a cute, doomed domestic future in their inn

only... he's still drowning in insecurity that ed and stede would be far better off as a pair without him, wondering whether he should've died, fretting that he's going to ruin everything again

so he decides, as the KING of fucked-up acts of service, that the best way to Make This Work and for him not to fall back into destructive past patterns is to.... never say no to anything that Stede and Ed want to do. Including sex.

Obviously, this doesn't end well.

[very, very poor communication leading to rape, internalised aphobia]

Izzy has, crucially, never been in a relationship before. He's had sex quite a few times, but even when consensual it was always a bit miserable and traumatic. He didn't enjoy it, and privately worries that a part of him is broken because he didn't enjoy it.

But he'll enjoy it with Ed and Stede! Because he loves them! He's sure of it!

Only then, they try and...

And Izzy hates it.

He just hates himself more, for not being able to give them this. Because he loves them - he does. What's wrong with him? Why can't he just stop being a scared little prude and relax and let them love him, too?

Ed and Stede like sex. They really like sex - they have it together LOADS, with or without Izzy's involvement. Izzy's desperate not to be left out, and determined not to be the stone in this mechanism, ruining everything for the men he loves.

Thankfully, he's a massive masochist! It's easy to internalise that sex with them is his 'punishment' for breaking them up that one time, and something he simply has to grit his teeth and suffer through so they'll hold him, after! And if he breaks down sobbing most of the time and starts whimpering 'sorry, sorry, sorry'.... well, he'll insist shamefaced that it's a shitty reaction to old trauma, if either of them ask - or that it's cathartic for him, or some shit. Nothing to do with Ed or Stede personally, or wanting them to stop. He loves them. He wants to be with them. In every way. He promises.

Meanwhile, Ed and Stede are terrified that if they 'leave Izzy out', they'll be the ones ruining everything. So, they're sure to give him as much physical affection as they give each other! Ed thinks he's 'making up for lost time', and presumes this is what Izzy wanted from him all along but was too stuck in his ways to ask for. Stede is delighted to be discovering The Joys Of Gay Sex, and wants to share the pleasure and experience everything imaginable with Izzy.

Izzy is. Suffering.

Still, he's genuinely kinky and enjoys pain. The obvious answer is for him to ask them to tie him up and gag him while they fuck him so he won't accidentally say anything 'silly' like "No, please, stop."

Stede and Ed are kinda.... wary, because that's pretty hardcore! What if Izzy decides he doesn't want this, part way through? But Ed admits he's fooled around with Jack a few times in a similar way (though of course, that was heartily consensual) and Stede has read a few.... interesting books on the subject of darker flavours of lust, and so, after a whispered conversation, they agree to give Izzy what he 'needs'.

It's a lot easier to bear sex when it's about pain, not pleasure and intimacy and all those other things Izzy struggles to feel when he's got another body pushing inside of his.

Only problem is... Ed and Stede don't particularly enjoy hurting him like that. Especially not Ed, who's looking closer to a breakdown every time Izzy hopefully pulls out the gag after Ed intiates sex. Reluctantly, Izzy agrees to save the ropes and gag for when they're feeling, as Ed puts it 'spicy' - special occasions, not every day - and goes back to letting his lovers treat him like he's something special (he's not he's not he's not) while every touch only makes him feel more like a cracked glass a single bump away from shattering.

Maybe a part of Izzy 'communication is NOT my middle name' Hands expects them to notice and WANTS them to notice, but a far bigger part is absolutely desperate to hide how much he's Not Liking This. It becomes an immensely fucked-up challenge for him, to prevent Stede and Ed from knowing they're hurting him more with all this gentle, tender missionary, than that time he got them to flog his back bloody, that was actually the closest he came to enjoying their time together in bed. Unfortunately, for all their flaws, Ed and Stede are both observant, and even (occasionally) emotionally intelligent. So when Izzy starts devolving into a shaking wreck who cringes from them even as he tries to enjoy their touches, they do notice.

But every time Ed and Stede try to start an honest conversation on the topic of intimacy, Izzy clams right up and insists everything's fine.

This is fucking devastating to Ed and Stede because... they can't keep going like this. They've worked so hard - Ed especially! - to get to a point in their lives where they're happy and not hurting anyone. But Ed knows a thing or two about using other people to self-destruct, and looking at Izzy at the moment is like looking in a warped mirror. It's making him have almost as many breakdowns as Izzy, eaten alive with guilt and horror for all the shit he's done, all the people he's hurt, how he's hurt Izzy so awfully in the past (how it feels like he's hurting him still, though Izzy insists he wants it; Izzy insists he's okay...)

Eventually, for the sake of Ed's crumbling mental health, he and Stede sit down with Izzy and tearfully confess that they love him. They really do. But this isn't working out. Izzy isn't happy, and that's making them unhappy. They can't go on like this or they're all going to suffer.

Once they finish speaking, Izzy just. Crumples. And sobs. He's so stressed. He's so tired. He's so nervous and twitchy and flighty and he doesn't know why. He's tried SO HARD to make this work (by sacrificing his own happiness over and over and over, thinking it's inherently worth less than Ed and Stede's, refusing to believe that they couldn't be happy unless he's happy too).

And he's FAILED. Like he fails at every fucking thing.

Stede and Ed just. Look at each other. Like 'uhhhh I think we're missing something here'.

Once they finally get Izzy to tearfully confess that he just doesn't like sex and doesn't think he ever will they're like. Oh. Oh that's easy. We just won't have sex? You can still watch us if you don't wanna feel left out, or just hang in the room while we fuck, but you don't have to be involved? And the two of them get really excited and puppyish because oh my gosh this is a thing we can actually fix, maybe we don't have to break up after all?

But then Izzy is so embarrassed about how SIMPLE they made the solution and how he couldn't see it himself that he determines that they're better off without him after all, and runs away in the middle of the night to give them a 'fresh start'

To which, duh, Stede and Ed set off after him, because they're NOT gonna let Izzy sacrifice himself AGAIN for 'their' sake. The little twat.

There will be a happy ending but it'll take a while and they'll have to chase Izzy all over the seven seas to convince him to give their threesome another chance. The end.

#steddyhands #izzy hands #ofmd izzy #ofmd #stizzy #edizzy #ed teach #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #ofmd stede #ofmd edward teach #our flag means death #my fic #bbb creates

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calirph · 1 month

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𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All quotes are taken from different books people recommended to me that have similar energy to the bridgerton series and book franchise. Some of these are suggestive, per usual for historical romance diction. Change names, locations and pronouns however you see fit.

Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare

For God’s sake. Don’t do that.

This is property. Don’t you understand how rare that is for a woman? Property always belongs to our fathers, brothers, husbands, sons. We never get to own anything.

Don’t tell me you’re one of those women with radical ideas.

Of course one kiss changes things. If it's done right, a kiss changes everything.

Listen to me. When a man wakes, he wakes wanting. He wakes hard and rude and aching with need.

Yes. In you. Hard, deep, fast, and completely. Now don’t wake me at this hour again unless you’ve found the perfect retort to that.

But now it’s gone all wrong. Because you’re here in this bed. But I’m here, too. And God help me, Izzy. I don’t know how to leave.

You're not going to ruin my first kiss. I won't let you.

You're pushing me away because you're afraid.

I'm not pushing you away. I believe I just offered to marry you.

There’s no castle big enough to keep a man like me from being aware, every moment, of a woman like you.

Do you understand what I’m saying to you?

When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare

Madaline Eloise Gracechurch... I've come here to marry you.

What I'm saying isna romantic. It's raw, primal, and entirely crude.

There's more than one way to share pleasure.

I dinna care about the color of your frock, lass. I'm only going to take off you again.

Quickly, say something unfeeling. Mock my letters. Just do something, anything reprehensible.

Your men, my servants … they could be watching us.

I’m certain they’re watching us. That’s why we’re going to kiss.

..."What burden do you have?

The burden of duty. I led those men into battle.

There was a time when I enjoyed a great deal of female companionship.

Are you saying you were faithful to me?

I mean to make you mine, mo chridhe. Touch all of you. Taste all of you. Learn you from the inside out. Once I've held you like that, I'm not going to let go

Do you feel it? It's only the beginning, mo chridhe.

They’re merely a guard against anything accidental happening.

To Have and to Hoax by Martha Waters

...if you are going to insist on losing faith in someone the moment you see the slightest possibility that they have wronged you, you are going to have a very frustrating life.

I think I’m far too interested in too many things to excel at one single pursuit.

It seems that everything I have heard about you is true.

I am in need of some assistance and I think you are just the man to provide it.

If you’re determined to risk your wife’s reputation rather than have any sort of honest conversation with her…

I’ve never forgotten anything about you, Violet. About us.

But need I remind you that you are a marquess? At some point, you’ll have to produce an heir.

ou’re a reasonably handsome man, if one likes that sort of thing.

I want to be the man who deserves you, because you deserve everything.

I’d rather spend my days arguing with you than in calm conversation with anyone else in the world.

I only hope she can ever forgive me for taking such a damned long time to fully appreciate her.

If I should ever hear you refer to our son as your heir, I will ensure that you never see him.

I've nowhere to be this afternoon. I didn't see any reason to rush the proceedings.

The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt

I’ve heard some people say my temper is rather . . .

I wouldn’t want to intimidate you, Mrs. Wren.

A garden always has a point.

I am not a nice woman. But despite these facts, my word is gold.

I won’t marry you.

Why not? You were eager enough to fuck me.

I knew we had an attraction. Then you left and I realized you were taking what you felt for me and giving it to another woman. A woman you didn’t even know.

Why did men think that saying something louder made it true?

When a man betrays a woman in such a way, it breaks something in her that I’m not sure can ever be repaired.

I must have an heir. Do you understand? I must marry a woman who can bear children.

I'm not a whore, I'm a courtesan. There's a difference. Whores do it for the money, courtesans do it for the art.

It's never too late to start over and find yourself.

In order to love someone fully, you must first learn to love yourself.

To Catch an Heiress by Julia Quinn

Caroline, do you value your neck?

To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world.

Not that I knew who you were until last month. But now that I've got you, I'm not letting you go.

Touch me and die.

It's just that I don't think friends tie friends to the bedpost.

You became my business when you took up residence in my house.

I need you. To-night. Right now. I need you.

I just don't care that he isn't offering a reward. In fact, I'm glad I'm much happier here than I was with any of my guardians.

We are here to discuss your foolhardy behavior.

You don’t want me to be your friend.

For the last time, I cannot be your friend. I could never be your friend. Because I want you.

That’s not the point. You are my wife. I swore to protect you.

You can’t save the entire world.

Minx by Julia Quinn

You don't always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a prince when you find one.

I don't know why people persist in believing women are inferior, when it is quite clear that men are the more feeble-minded of the two.

If I wanted Belle,I would have asked her to marry me.

Believe me, Henry, when I get angry, you'll know.

If this morning wasn't enjoyable, at least it was...shall we say...interesting.

You're a terrible rake, Dunford. Belle told me.

I was mistaken to think I could ever be enough of a woman to please you, to ever think that I could learn what it means to be anyone else but me.

I chose not to follow your advice. Ned is a very nice person. Handsome, personable—a perfect escort.

I very specifically told you to stay away from Ned Blydon.

Hush up, minx. You’re a funny one, but you’re certainly more likable than unlikable.

It takes a minx to tempt a rogue.

#meme #roleplay memes #sentence meme #( cali meme. )#rp memes #rp prompt #rp musings #roleplay prompt #◟ ⋆ memes › roleplay sources.

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sourcherryandsprinkles · 1 year

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Peter comforting Tony's daughter at the funerals please I need this

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

No one who was present will ever forget the horrific scream that came from you when Pepper told you the tragic news: your father, Tony Stark, was dead.

You hadn’t been able to say goodbye to him. He had already taken his last breath when you arrived on the scene. All you were able to do was crumble by his side and cry all the tears in your body until someone forcefully took you away.

A few sleepless nights later, you stood by Pepper and Morgan on the wooden deck, watching the wreath floating adrift on the water. Proof that Tony Stark has a heart, it reads.

Beside you, Morgan didn't seem to understand what was going on, why everyone was dressed in black and watching an arrangement of flowers float away. Mostly, she didn’t understand why her dad was not there. It was sad to see.

Happy was right behind you, followed by Rhodey and Steve, then May and Peter. Peter. He was holding his tears, pained from losing his mentor.

When the wreath was no longer in sight, people slowly dissipated, heading back inside the Stark residence. You stayed, unable to move your feet, your eyes were glued on the water before you. Why did you leave me? Why did you sacrifice yourself?

You didn’t hear the footsteps behind you as Peter approached. You and him hadn’t spoken since the last battle.

He cleared his throat. ‘’Hi. I know you’re probably tired of hearing this, but I’m sorry for your loss, Y/N.’’ You didn’t turn around, but Peter knew you were listening. ‘’Your dad was an admirable person. I’m not talking about his sacrifice. He was— He’s been an excellent mentor to me. And, in a way, a great father figure in my life.’’ Peter breathed in. He was about to tell you something he hadn’t told anyone. Not even his best friend Ned, who he always tells everything to. ‘’I was with him when he died. He told me—'' Peter stopped himself, feeling choked by the emotions in his throat.

When you arrived on the scene, you didn’t acknowledge Peter or anyone else around. Your eyes were focused on your father laying on the ground, unalive.

''Want to know what he told me?’’ Peter continued, not waiting for your answer. ‘’He…he said to go to you and feel the feelings he once forbid us to have.''

After a lot of deep thinking, Tony had come to the realization that forbidding your relationship had been wrong of him. He didn’t like it, but Peter was a good guy. He was kind, caring, honorable and very protective of the ones he loved. If there was anyone Tony could trust to take good care of his daughter, it was Peter.

Slowly, your eyes traveled to Peter. They welled with tears again, but this time Peter was there to wrap his arms around you, pull you against him and provide you comfort. You buried your face in his chest, staining — and ruining — his shirt with your mascara-tears, but it was the last of his worries.

Your slim fingers grabbed his white button up, clutching at it as you cried.

Your father’s words meant so much to you — you and Peter. You remembered the look of rage on his face when he caught you kissing in the lobby. It had just been a simple kiss goodbye, but Tony reacted like he had caught you doing something compromising in bed. He had yelled at Peter and banned him from the tower for weeks with a threat of kicking him out of the Avengers if he were to kiss you again.

Like any angsty teenager, you told him you hated him and blasted Taylor Swift’s Love Story in your bedroom.

You never thought he would change his mind about Peter, but Tony Stark was a surprising man.

Peter kissed the top of your head, holding you tight.

—

Marvel taglist: @xenasolos @chrizzierbsstuff @ayamenimthiriel @alina02 @turtleshavesoulmates @staygoldsquatchling02 @daemonslittlebitch @wetwilliam02 @haileyismoo @manofworm @rhydianissuperior @supersanelyromantic @nicangel13 @mxxny-lupin @sweeterheartxamerica @viridwityy @izzy-laufeyson @kenzi-woycehoski @arunaposeidondottie @liidiaaag @katsukis1wife @amithesimpoffandoms @acornacreacure @chaotic-fangirl-blog @hawkegfs @mommyruuetrue @youdontneedtoknowthisinformation @aabananaa @starrrslove @angeliod @nmedina8611 @1stevelacyfan @yourfavdummy @laylasbunbunny

All and more taglist: @spiokybirdstarfish @kenqki @liidiaaag @hawkegfs @gillybear17 @areaderinlove @acornacreacure @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @rosie-cameron @Caxddce @laylasbunbunny

#peter parker #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #marvel #marvel imagine #tom!peter parker x reader #tom!peter parker

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year

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oh btw in case i haven’t made this clear: when i talk about izzy ruining everything in e10 and how much i hate him in that episode it’s not bc i think he’s responsible for the kraken. like if he had not said anything i do not think the kraken would’ve happened but ed is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. tossing lucius + marooning the crew + The Toe Scene were all choices that ed made and that ed is responsible for

no i just hate izzy in e10 for being mean to edward teach my beloved babygirl. ed was cheering up and starting to move on from the heartbreak and was reaching out and making connections with the crew, and then izzy made ed feel alone and unlovable. how ed responded to and processed those feelings is ed’s responsibility but oh my god, izzy made ed look so fucking sad??? fuck izzy fr for making my poor little blorbo look like this

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #izzy hands #dizzy izzy #izzy critical #edward teach #edward teach born on a beach #txt #mine #og #gif #s1e10 #id in alt

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camillescreations · 8 months

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I just need to talk about how much I adore Stede, especially in these new episodes. Yes, he's made mistakes, yes he's flawed, yes he can be a total bitch. But he's, in my eyes, just a really kind and sweet man, who's doing his best. Some of the things he's done have been undesirable, sure, but he is a traumatized and deeply insecure person who is just trying to find his place in the world. He's just trying to find something that makes him happy, that makes him feel fulfilled. Isn't that all anyone is after?

And then he finds that place on his ship with his crew. And Ed finds him and he falls in love for the first time. He meets someone he can share his life with. Someone he can laugh with, that loves him unconditionally and actually openly cares about his silly model ship and two chandeliers and his secret rooms. And that's all he wanted, really, on top of feeling like he belongs. And then he leaves because he feels like that was all in his head, that Ed couldnt possibly be happier with him around. The growth really starts to happen when he resolves the complicated family situation he created and sets out to find the love of his life. He spends the first episodes talking about finding Ed nonstop, taking whatever awful situations he was forced to be in if it meant it would bring him closer to reuniting with him.

Stede has grown so much since last season. He gives Lucius pretty solid advice all while admitting how much he messed up, and he always tries to keep a positive attitude for his crew (family), because he knows their situation sucks and he's trying to make the best of it. Because that's what Stede does, he hopes. And then he FINALLY gets back to the Revenge, only to find it in absolute ruins. His baby is destroyed, and he knows, deep down, who did it. And we know that hurts him. But that doesn't stop him from welcoming Blackbeard's group back with a smile on his face, asking for them to give him a straight answer as to where Ed is, because that's all he's thought about for months.

And then he sees the truth: Ed has been killed by his crew. Ed's body is there, clear as day, hidden away in the bowels of the Revenge. They lied to him. They killed his love, his reason for going back to sea, the person who has consumed his every waking thought, who has been in his dreams every night. Ed is gone; it was all for nothing.

But Stede doesn't scream. He doesn't shut down. He doesn't resort to violence or retaliation against his crew. Even when Izzy directly confronts him, he still doesn't take the bait. No, once he is shown the truth and realizes that there's no more talking it through with Zheng, that his crew will be killed unless something is done, this beautiful man sucks it up and formulates a very solid plan of escape. And he does it on his own!

Even though he knows that he's escaping to the Revenge, his home that won't feel like home anymore because Ed isn't there, he does it anyway, to keep the people he loves safe. Even Izzy, whom he absolutely loathes at this point in time. Stede never let his love for Edward or his grief overtake his love for his crew and his desire to get back the family he once had, all back on his beloved ship.

And it's only after they were all safe that he let himself grieve, going to visit Ed's body and lamenting about how he thinks he messed everything up. And it's such a beautiful moment when he grabs Ed's hand and realizes that his love isn't gone, that he still has hope. Ugh the man is just so wonderful.

I'm so excited to see how Stede grows as a person and a leader this season. He's already shown great strides in his character development. And Rhys Darby's acting is phenomenal. I loved every moment he was on screen. Especially when Stede was in anguish, and his more serious moments. I can't wait to see what the season has in store for my favorite guy!!!

#our flag means death #ofmd #stede bonnet #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #our flag means death season 2 #gentlebeard #stede x ed #edward teach #ofmd spoilers #ofmd 2 spoilers #ofmd season 2 spoilers #our flag means death spoilers #our flag means death 2 spoilers #our flag means death season 2 spoilers

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dragon-kazansky · 7 months

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Spirit of the sea

Izzy Hands x Reader (GN)

You were a member of Blackbeard's crew long ago. Then you became a ghost story. Izzy Hands only sees you in his dreams these days, until he sees you for real when investigating Stede Bonnet. This sets him on a rollercoaster of emotions between you and what his captain is doing.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Warnings: Swearing. Mostly Izzy, sometimes you, but mostly Izzy. Angst too.

Chapter Five - Rocky waters

♡♡♡

We've been almost a fortnight aboard the Revenge... and I'm beginning to suspect that Edward nas no intention of ending Stede Bonnet's life.

If I didn't know better... I'd say he's somehow become seduced by this imbecile.

You catch Izzy writing in his journal as you walk past his cabin. He had been rather quiet the past couple days, at least as far as you were concerned anyway. He hasn't noticed you in the doorway. You smile at the sight of the wooden sparrow on his desk. You knew he would like it.

You know that the longer Izzy is aboard this ship, the worse it gets for him. You've kind of adapted to the way the crew do things round here. It's a change of pace from your days on Blackbeard's crew.

As Izzy scribbles away, you decide to interrupt gently. With a soft knock to his already open door, you smile as he lifts his head to look at you. He snaps his journal shut and drops it beside him on his cot.

"What do you want?" He asks, trying to look annoyed by your interruption, but you can see through him.

"Thought I'd come check on you. Everything good?"

"Just peachy," he let's out an exasperated sigh. You chuckles softly as step into the room with one foot.

"We'll be off this ship soon. Sailing back aboard the Queen Anne leaving ruin in our wake. Doing things we used to do."

Izzy stares silently into space at the thought.

You step a little closer to his bed and take a seat. You can see how tired he is. The man never seems to stop: always working, never resting.

"When was the last time you slept?" You ask him.

"Last night."

"All night?"

He eyes flicker up to meet yours. He looks less than impressed, but he also can't hide anything from you. The sigh that escapes his nose tells you enough.

"I know you hate it here, and that you want Blackbeard back so we can return to our ship and our life, but you also need to give it time, Izzy."

"It's been a fucking weeks."

"I know, but surely he has a plan. He's our Blackbeard."

"That's the problem," Izzy starts. "I don't think he's our Blackbeard anymore. I think he's been seduced by Bonnet."

"Seduced?"

"Last night... last night I was up on deck. I could hear them. They were... I'm pretty sure they were fucking."

"Out in the open?" You ask, wide eyed.

"Sounded like it."

"Ew, Izzy, why were you listening to them?"

"It wasn't on purpose!" He groans. "I think Edward might be... in love with this guy."

You fall silent as you think about it. It made sense in a way. Edward was always where Stede was. They kept in the same cabin. They talked constantly. They were always looking art each other.

"Well shit..."

"Exactly!" Izzy huffs.

"I mean... Is it that bad if he is?" You ask him.

Izzy stares at you. "Bad? It's a fucking disaster."

You gaze down at your lap. "He's the happiest I've seen him in ages."

"It's pathetic."

You glance up at Izzy. "Love? Or the fact you're losing Blackbeard to Bonnet?"

Izzy glares at you.

You stand up from his bed and move over to the door. You glance back at Izzy. "I would be so lucky to have what they do."

Izzy watches you leave. He stares confused at the space you occupied only moments ago. Your words and the expression on your face, it felt strange to him. What did you mean by that? Were you jealous of Edward? No, that was nonsense. Izzy knows you better than that.

Izzy thinks he knows you better than that.

♡♡♡

One of the crew's favourite things to do was tell stories. If it wasn't Stede reading them a fairytale, it was telling ghost stories.

It was entertaining, even if they didn't always make sense.

You were sat on the steps near where Izzy stood with Ivan and Fang. You could hear them talking behind you. You were watching Ed where he sat by Stede. The latter was telling one of his ghost stories.

"So, is the plan off?" Ivan asks.

"Yeah, I reckon we're not killing this guy now." Fang chimes in.

"The plan is very much alive." Izzy says. "He promised me."

You listen to them.

"It just seems that he's having an awfully nice time," Fang says, looking at Izzy. "I mean, look at him. He's telling ghost stories."

"This is the most open and available I've ever seen him." Ivan states.

You sigh and get up, walking last the crew and heading below deck. Izzy watches you go, not once looking away until you were out of sight.

♡♡♡

You're sitting in your dark little corner when you head footsteps coming toward you then stopping. You don't have to look up to know it's Izzy.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Yeah."

He sees the way you're sitting with your knees up, arms draped over them. You're not even looking at him. He sighs quietly.

"You're not. What is it?"

"Nothing, Izzy."

"You can talk to me, ya know."

You glance up at him. You can't read him for his blank expression. You're not sure what he is trying to do.

"What happens if Edward doesn't kill him?"

"Then I'll take matters into my own hands."

"Will Edward even let you?" You ask.

"Does it matter? We'll get our captain back and we can go back to our lives. We... we can be a crew again."

"We're not a crew now?" You gaze up at him.

"Not with this lot."

You turn your eyes away from him and Izzy exhales through his nose in a sound of slight desperation. He doesn't want you to turn away from him.

He says your name softly. "This isn't our home."

When you say nothing he clenches his jaw and walks away. You listen to his footsteps fade. When you're sure he's gone you sigh.

♡♡♡

You stand on deck the next morning as the ship is shrouded in fog. The crew of the Revenge have no idea what's going on, but you sailed with Blackbeard long enough to know.

A Fuckery, as he liked to call it.

You lean against the railing of the ship as you wait. Once Stede arrives, dressed in pretty pyjamas and gown, Edward demonstrates the art of "Fuckery", which leads to the Swede jumping over the side of the ship.

Ed promptly stops his theatrics so someone can get the Swede back onboard.

Izzy promptly comes out, looking up at Ed who is still hanging from the mast. "May I have a word?" He asks, grabbing at Blackbeard's boot.

"It's a bit like theatre, isn't it, Ed? Theatre of fear!"

"Ha, theatre of fear, love that!" Ed grins back at Stede.

"His name is Blackbeard, dog!"

"Well, I'll leave you to it. It looks like there's trouble in paradise." Stede walks off.

You stick around just long enough to see Izzy try and help Ed, but he gets fed up after being caught between his legs. Izzy storms off leaving Edward hanging.

Ed looks at you.

"Help?"

You shake your head and walk off too. He can get out of his own mess.

You follow Izzy to find him with Fang and Ivan. He looks at you as you get closer to him. There is something about the way he is looking at you that sends your heart thumping.

"Where's Blackbeard?" He asks.

"Hanging out."

Izzy doesn't react, but Fang giggles and Ivan grins.

"You with us?" Izzy asks.

"Izzy..."

"No. It's important that I know you're with us," he says. "You don't want to stay with this lot, do ya? You're so much more than they are. You're wasted on a crew like this." Izzy speaks softly, almost gentle. This isn't like him at all.

"Why is this suddenly about me?"

"I-"

Izzy is cut off by Edward entering. You turn around to see him looking less than impressed.

"You left me hanging." He looks at you with a flat expression. You don't even react. "What the fuck's all this?"

"Do you remember your policy about let's aboard your vessel?" Izzy asks.

"Pets? Yeah. No pets. They befoul the ship."

"You know what else you said?" Ivan asks. "You said the love of a pet makes a man weak."

"I said that?"

"Yeah, when I joined your crew, you made me put my dog down." Fang tells him.

"Yeah, OK. Well, yeah, vaguely... remember that."

"So, here's the rub. Me and the boys, we think you've begun to view Bonnet as a sort of a pet." Izzy says. "You're in too deep, Edward. Beat thing to do, end it quick."

"The longer you wait, the harder it gets..." Fang says, getting upset. Ivan holds Fang as he cries.

You stand between Izzy and Edward, not sure what to do. Edward walks off, making it a bit easier on you.

Izzy turns his eyes to you and then follows Edward out.

You look at Fang and step closer.

"There there, Fang. It's okay."

"He's in doggy heaven, Fangy," Ivan says, trying to comfort him.

"But we go to different heavens!" He cries some more. You pat him on the shoulder. Fang turns and pulls you into a hug.

You stay there awhile.

♡♡♡

You sit on Izzy's bed and wait for him. He takes a while to return, but when he does, he seems surprised to see you there.

"I was looking for you," he says.

You're sat on his bed with the wooden sparrow in your hand. You notice some detail has been added to it in ink, meaning Izzy is giving it some character. It made you happy to think this meant something to him.

"I've been in here."

Izzy watches the way you handle the gift you made him. You're being very careful with it, your finger tracing over the ink lines on the wing.

"You know I'm right," he says.

"Do I?"

Izzy closes the door to his cabin and stands in front of you, gazing down at you with his dark eyes.

"Bonnet has to go."

"Do you hate Edward being happy?" You ask

"No, I-"

"Because it seems like it," you cut him off. "Edward has found someone new. He's trying new things and kind of just enjoying life."

"We're pirates, we're not meant to enjoy life." Izzy hisses out.

"You didn't enjoy being on Blackbeard's crew?" You ask.

"Well, yeah."

"You don't enjoy sailing the seas?"

"Course I do-"

"You don't enjoy life?"

He falls quiet.

"Are you jealous that all of Edward's attention is on someone else, or are you jealous that he has something you don't?"

Izzy stares at you silently.

You put the bird back on the desk and stand up, looking Izzy in the eye. You want to say more, but you're not sure what. Izzy seems to read your mind.

"It will be over soon," he tells you. "Tomorrow night."

"Oh. So, that's it then?" You ask.

"Thought you'd be happy."

"Happy?" You huff. "You're the one who will be happy, Izzy."

"Don't tell me you're soft for Bonnet too," Izzy almost begs.

"I don't hate the guy like you do. He's actually kind of nice. He's kind, polite, funny if even unintentionally so."

"See, that's my point. He ain't a pirate."

"Izzy. Let the man live. He's doing his thing and he's still alive."

"Not on my watch," he says in a low voice.

You see the look in his eyes and you walk away. You're done trying to change his mind. This thing with Stede was between Izzy and Edward.

You weren't going to get involved.

♡♡♡

You walk into the kitchen to find Fang holding an unconscious Lucius down. Roach is sharpening a kitchen knife.

"The fuck?"

Fang looks up. "His finger is infected."

You lean over Lucius to see the state of his hand. His finger was horribly swollen. "Ouch."

"Seems to me the best move here is... amputation," Roach says, looking closely at the finger.

"Oh, for God's sake! He's a visual artist." Fang cries out. "You can't cut the boy's little fingies."

"Level with us, man." Pete grabs Roach. "There's no better option?"

"Not in my professional opinion."

You pull a face.

"Hold him down."

You sigh and help Fang hold the poor lad down. Just as Roach is about to cut the finger off, Lucius gains consciousness again. As soon as he realises what's happening he pushes both you and Fang away and runs off.

"It's only going to get worse!" You call. He's already too far gone.

You can't help but chuckle as Pete and Fang go after him.

This crew isn't so bad.

♡♡♡

The Fuckery goes about as expected. Except for the fact that the crew of the Revenge didn't raid the ship. They let themselves get boarded by the Dutch merchants and basically put on some kind of Shakespeare play.

It ended with Edward freaking out and hiding in Stede's bathtub.

Stede did not die.

Izzy was fuming. You stand beside the man seeing the way he was clenching his jaw. His fist was balled up and it took everything in you not to reach out and calm the man.

Edward was complimenting the crew on their performance.

Edward was enjoying himself.

Not anymore.

"Stede Bonnet."

You turn to look at Izzy. You curse under your breath. Yet, you shouldn't be surprised. Izzy did tell you he would take matters into his own hands.

"Draw your weapon."

"No, Izzy, we're not doing this." Ed points at him.

"No, YOU'RE not doin' this. So I must." Izzy steps down and grabs 2 swords. "Stede fuckin' Bonnet... I fuckin' challenge you to a fuckin' duel."

He tosses Stede a sword.you step in front of Izzy.

"Izzy, please."

"Move." He says your name softly.

"I accept your challenge," Stede says from behind you. You turn around.

"Stede, no."

"Stede, be careful. He does know his shit," Edward warns him.

Izzy uses his arm to move you out of the way. You glare at him as he steps closer to Stede.

"As do I. You've taught me well," Stede replies to Ed.

"Not that well," Ed admits.

Stede watches Izzy. "I assume standard duel rules apply. What are those exactly?" He asks.

"Let's make it interesting, shall we?" Izzy says. "The loser is banished from the ship, if they're not dead."

"Izzy, no!" You call out, but he ignores you. Instead he instantly swings his sword at Stede.

Stede manages to block his attacks

"Come on. Give a man a warning." Stede says as Izzy holds his sword up to his neck.

"That was your warning."

They start swinging their swords at each other. You stand there anxiously, watching. There is no way for Stede to beat Izzy. Israel Hands was the best man you knew with a sword.

Izzy gets a hit into Stede which stumbles the man backward. Izzy's swings become a little more furious. Stede falls onto the ground. Izzy stands over him with sword pointed down at him.

"Yield or die."

"I choose... this." Stede throws powder into Izzy's face, temporarily blinding the man. Izzy covers his face and stumbles backward. The crew cheer for Stede, but all you can think about is if you should step in or not.

Stede gets to his feet, he gives Izzy a smack on the backside with his sword. Izzy straightens up again and continues the fight.

Izzy disarmed Stede with ease. The gentleman pirate backs up against the mast.

"So, it looks like we've arrived, Bonnet. The end of the road." Izzy holds his sword up to Stede again.

"Alright. Let's call it a draw," Stede says, breathless.

"Nah, I'm good."

"Izzy, stop!" You try once more in vain, but it feels like he's ignoring you completely.

With a firm stab, Izzy's sword goes right through Stede's abdomen and into the mast, pinning him there.

You inhale sharply at Stede's scream.

"Did I do it right?" Stede asks Ed, looking at the other man. "He missed all the important bits..."

Izzy tries to pull the sword out, but to no avail. He pulls hard, grunting. You stare at him, mild confusion painting across your face.

"This mast... is made from the finest cherry wood in Brazil. It's rather strong, actually." Stede manages to say as Izzy continues to attempt to pull the sword out.

Edward looks flabbergasted.

You can't quite believe what you're seeing yourself.

"Shut up!" Izzy yells at Stede. "Don't you ever shut up?! You rancid rat!"

The sword breaks in Izzy's hand. The blade still pinning Stede to the mast. You feel a gasp escape last your lips.

Buttons laughs. "Well, now, Mr Hands. Reckon he's rendered your sword inoperable."

Izzy stands there with realisation on his face.

"By duelling tradition, that means..."

"Stede wins!" Frenchie yells. The crew all cheer. "In your face, Jizzy!"

Edward shrugs as Izzy looks at him.

You watch Izzy with concern. He walks off. You watch him. You don't care for what everyone else is doing. You take off after Izzy.

He disappears into his cabin, you follow him inside, not even knocking. He doesn't say anything to you about it as he faces away from you, shoulders tense.

"Izzy..."

"No." He speaks with a firmness, but not in an angry way. Just a firm 'no.'

"Izzy, please. That whole thing was stupid."

"You're telling me..."

You take a step closer to him hoping he will turn around and look at you. He remains facing the wall of his cabin.

"Just forget the duel! Forget everything."

"No. Rules are rules."

"Izzy..."

He turns around and looks at you, but only briefly. He looks like he struggles to look you in the eye.

"He promised me. I was fucking right all along. Edward's gone soft for that twat. Any trace of Blackbeard is gone and it's all because of fuckin' Bonnet."

Your arm twitches as if you were going to reach out and touch him, but you catch yourself. However, Izzy noticed the slight reaction in your hand. He kind of wished you would.

"Don't be stupid, Izzy. Stay. We'll figure all this out. Maybe there's another solution."

"No." He shakes his head, his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows thickly. He's angry. Silently angry.

"It was a stupid fucking duel. Are you seriously going to leave?"

"I'm not a coward."

"I didn't say you were," your voice is almost pleading. "Don't go."

"Rules are rules," he says again. For a brief second his eyes meet yours and you can see all the emotion bottled up inside. You want to reach out and hold the man, caress him, get him to open up and talk to you.

But he won't.

Your breathing becomes uneven as you try to fight off any emotion. You will not cry in front of him.

"So that's it then? You're going to fuck off and... and what? Leave me behind? I only just found you again and you're leaving me?"

"You could come with me."

"And do what? Izzy, what would be the point? I only just found my way back home," you tell him.

"No. This isn't home. This is a lie. A facade. Home was back on our ship, back with Blackbeard's crew. Home is... is where we belonged. It's where we lived together."

A tear escapes and runs down your cheek. This was your breaking point.

"Fuck you," you whisper.

Izzy stares at you.

"Fuck you and this whole fucking thing." You take a couple slow steps back toward the door. "Fuck off then, Izzy. Leave me behind. Maybe... maybe I should have stayed a ghost story."

You don't hang around. You turn on your heel and leave.

Izzy catches his breath as he stares at his empty doorway.

"Fuck," he whispers.

♡♡♡

@grippleback-galaxy - @askmarinaandothers - @godlikegallagher - @for-fuck-sake-im-alive - @whiskeyswriting - @lxsm2 - @bloody-bunni666 - @the-chocoholic-writer -

#spirit of the sea #izzy hands x reader #ofmd #our flag means death #dragon writes

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amuseoffyre · 8 months

Text

Thinking about Stede's expression and reaction at the "wild dog" line. (and yes, I'm aware of the connotations of that phrase and why it's not good that Izzy used it to describe Ed)

Izzy doesn't know what happened with Ed and Stede the night of the fuckery. He doesn't know that Ed confided everything to Stede but it gives Stede a new context about what was happening that night, when Ed fell apart in front of him.

Stede didn't know why Ed was "meant to kill you", but the dog metaphor is slamming it home. Doggie heaven. He remembers Ed telling him was meant to send him to doggie heaven, which he assumed was a pirate term.

It recalibrates everything: if Stede was to be sent to doggie heaven, he was the dog that had to be dealt with, especially when Izzy had called him dog to his face several times. On top of this, it lines up with what Chauncey told him in the forest - he brought Ed to ruin.

If Izzy and the crew were willing to get rid of Ed to protect themselves - sending him to doggie heaven - does that mean Izzy was trying to do the same before to protect Ed and his crew? With the duel, with the agreement that the loser would leave the ship, with the betrayal to the English, "it's quick, it's clean"?

Admittedly, no. That's what Izzy told himself he was doing, but it got waaaaaay more personal and bitter, but Stede doesn't know that. It has pushed a new layer of context on him, though, especially about the balance of duty and care between a captain and his crew.

The layers and layers they build in with a single line is staggering.

#ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers

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cannebady · 1 year

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Well, I'm on my Stizzy bullshit.

This is steddyhands where Stede and Izzy are both smitten with each other but struggling to communicate it.

They're sleeping together, but only with Ed too and it's all Ed being dominant and Izzy being submissive and Stede kinda just being along for the ride. Anyway, they're figuring it out.

And Izzy loves how rough and possessive Ed gets loves what they do together and that they actually get to do this now.

In fact, that's what sparked his predicament. Because the only reason he and Ed worked their shit out is because Stede called them both out like a prissy little bull in a fancy fuck off China shop and if he hadn't stuck his stupid nose where it didn't belong, Izzy wouldn't have everything he could ever want.

Well, everything he used to want. He was never much for tenderness, if he's honest. Soft things don't survive at sea and he learned that young.

Stede, though. Stede survives at sea. Hell, he even fucking thrives, and he's seen that man make slow, sweet, mind-rendingly gentle love to fucking Blackbeard until Ed is sobbing, and begging, and nearly out of his mind with it.

He got to watch once and it's fucked him up ever since. Because it turns out there is something else Izzy Hands can want for. He can want for soft hands to touch him with love, and with intent. To take pleasure in his pleasure. And he supposes he could ask Ed for it, but he likes the way Ed touches him.

He wants Stede to touch him like that. He wants him to do it because he wants to, not to put on a show for Ed or to prove a point. Izzy wants Stede Bonnet to fucking ruin him with his soft hands and his filthy words, and his ridiculous cock and it's driving him out of his blessed mind.

Because Stede has seen Ed hit, kick, choke, scratch, and fuck Izzy at knife point. He's seen Izzy get his face brutally fucked by the visage of Blackbeard and yes he loves it, craves it even, but maybe, he's finding, he can love more than one kind of thing. More than one kind of person.

He handles it about as well as he handles anything else, which is not really that well at all. It starts to get into his head - why doesn't Stede initiate anything with him? The bastard takes every other damn thing he pleases, but he won't ask to fuck Izzy?

So he draws the logical conclusion; he's here for Ed and Stede and Stede is there for Ed and tolerant of Izzy. He doesn't pine for touch from Izzy, or lay awake a night imagining something as simple as a kiss. And why would he? Stede has Ed, who looks like that, and Izzy's tried to fuck him over so many times. It's not his fault that Izzy's broken, corroded heart tripped headlong into love from loathing when Izzy's given him no reason to reciprocate.

So, he makes a decision to lock those feelings down deep. He kept himself from touching Ed for nearly thirty years and he's pretty sure they don't all have thirty years left considering their line of work, so this should be easy. A piece of fucking cake.

But every time there's soft words and touches between the loves of his life, it hurts something deep in him. It hurts that Stede sees Ed and wants to give him everything and he doesn't feel that way with Izzy.

But Izzy's a selfish bastard, and he wants.

It comes to a head, as many things do, when he gets absolutely pissed on whiskey during shore leave. Ed is off doing fuck knows what, but Stede decided to come to the pub with Izzy and he doesn't know what all to make of that, but they're getting drunker and drunker, and Izzy keeps ordering drink after drink to ignore how good Stede's thigh feels against his and how much he wants those hands on him.

His mood turns sour quickly when his mind starts the whole pining lark again and, after Stede's fifth assertion that Izzy had enough and should come with him back to the ship, Izzy reaches the end of his rope.

"I'm a grown man, fuck off you poncey twat" he growls and he wants to inhale the words back into his stupid drunk mouth because Stede looks stricken, then like he's gathering up pieces of himself to put back away.

"Well then, alright." Stede replies and then gets up and walks out like he isn't taking Izzy's mangled heart with him.

Fuck.

He has a few more drinks because at this point why not? What does he have to lose save for more of his waning dignity. Getting a room and heading back to the Revenge in the morning is a tempting option, but something draws him back to the ship. It might just be that it's a home for him; very possibly the only one he's ever really acknowledged.

He's not nearly as drunk as he expects, but he's got a twisting, roiling feeling in his gut anyway. The walk was supposed to clear his head, but by the time he realizes that it didn't, he's wringing his fucking hands and already standing in front of the Captains cabin. His cabin, some may even call it (Ed and Stede do).

He walks in with a degree of confidence that only truly not giving a fuck and approximately eight whiskeys can buy you, and there's Stede, with a light blue silk robe draped across his shoulders, perfect blonde curls sitting about his shoulders, and a pair of hastily wiped red eyes that Izzy reckons he may have put there himself. He's immediately sober in a way he doesn't expect and he feels the crushing weight of his feelings and this secret he's dug into his chest.

Stede goes to speak, but Izzy's running on regret and adrenaline and just needs him to listen for one fucking second before he loses his nerve. He's sure if he doesn't say this now he never will.

"I want you," he says, and Stede's jaw drops a bit before he inhales like he's about to respond, "no, stop, let me talk." His voice is wildly steady given the shaking of his hands.

"I do, I fucking want you, okay? And I think you're a ponce too, but I see what-" his voice cracks. Fuck. He better get this out quick.

"I want you to fuck me like you fuck Ed and I want what you and Ed have too. But I don't think it'll fucking work because you love him and you don't love me and-"

Whatever he meant to say is taken away from him by Stede's warmth, and seconds later, by one of his gorgeous, soft hands brushing the swallow inked at Izzy's throat, and by the hazel eyes staring down into his and fucking shit, he's seen that tenderness a million times before, but never directed at him.

"Don't love you?", Stede's voice is soft and brimming with emotion, "Of course I love you, how couldn't I?"

And Izzy doesn't even care that it's cheesy or and doesn't want to wonder if it isn't true. He doesn't care that he can think up a thousand reasons that he wouldn't be loved, starting with slicing up Stede's shirt and stealing a hostage, then ending with actual betrayal via British Navy, but again Stede found a way to surprise him.

He's going to say it back, but what comes out is a whine and then soft lips are over his, and soft hands are around his waist and oh fucking hell.

It's good, is the thing. Stede's holding him so gently, but also like he can't imagine letting go. As he slowly licks Izzy's mouth open he's running one hand from his hair, to his jaw, to his waist, then his hip to pull them flush, and then right back up to grip the back of Izzy's head like Stede can't fathom not touching all of Izzy and fuck if Izzy doesn't wholeheartedly agree.

He remembers that he also has hands, and then buries them both in Stede's hair. It's so soft and and this close he can see the whites and grays that Stede hasn't avoided and it makes Izzy feral. This isn't the Stede of his dreams, nor some perfect gentleman from a society that rejected Izzy from childhood, this is the real deal, the mad man, the lunatic, this fucking incredible being, and fuck its doing Izzy's head in.

When Stede breaks the kiss, they both realize that they've moved so that Stede's pressing Izzy into the wall next to the bed. Izzy's panting, barely holding himself up, and he grinds up against Stede, for the friction and to be a little shit, and Stede's eyes darken. He's so lost in them that he barely realizes that Stede's hands have moved before he's being bodily picked fucking up and oh yeah, Stede has actual fucking muscles now, which fuck fuck fuck. He gets why Ed loses his fucking mind for this.

He groans and Stede whispers into his ear, close enough that he can feel his lips, his breath, "Israel, darling, let me take you to bed."

And Izzy's breathing out, "Yes, fuck, finally". He feels safe and wanted and fucking loved and it's sending him floating.

He lets that warmth light him up as Stede lays him down, curls hanging in the space between them, before he kisses Izzy again and they're both lost to the gentle, sweet expression of love and devotion they both deserve.

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #my fic #izzy hands #ofmd fic #Stizzy #Steddyhands #edward teach #blackbeard

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