Another form of Depression Discourse that I'm extremely wary of is "here are some things that can help with depression, so it's totally curable! You just have to do The Things, even if they're hard."

The issue is that—yes, there are things you may be able to do that can help with depression, for some people. There are habits that are likely to be helpful, like dragging yourself to things you normally like or getting exercise where possible.

Does this mean that those things intrinsically cure depression if you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps try hard enough? No. They can cure some people's depression completely. They can help other people's. It depends on the person.

But for me, the incessant do this, do that, you've got to take responsibility and get over it, has always been far more discouraging than learning about things like the relatively high rate of recurrence. I used to think that the reason I couldn't get past it was wholly on me. It kept coming back because I was lazy or undisciplined or self-indulgent or simply not doing the right things for whatever reason. Not trying hard enough. I told myself that if I could just summon up enough will to push myself past it, I would cure myself by sheer personal strength.

But I never could.

It tended to come back worse when I was under a lot of pressure, but no matter how good things were, it always returned. I'd spend a week or two feeling really good and motivated and energetic, then irritable and anxiously go-go-go yet very distractable—and then there'd be this awful crash into another episode of depression, over and over and over. I lived in my favorite city, I took walks, I went to readings, I volunteered, I kept myself and my apartment clean, and yet I couldn't overcome it.

The only thing that really put a significant dent in it was getting diagnosed as bipolar and put on mood stabilizers and eventually antipsychotics. And it still comes back! The crash is less extreme, most of the time—but I have grad student insurance for my medication, I have a psychiatrist and access to counseling when I need it, legal accommodations, and necessarily keep a fairly strict schedule. Going to my university in person rather than online helps, doing things I ordinarily like helps, sleeping regular hours helps. None of them help very much without medication. And for me, nothing helps enough to cure it.

The point is not that improvement is impossible, or that it never goes away for good. It does for some people! It does for many people. But, without denying the effort those people have put in, there is an element of good fortune to that. I think it's important for the people who aren't cured, who can never pull the bootstraps hard enough, to know that that's not a moral failing. It's not because we're weak or undisciplined, it's not because we aren't trying, it's not because we have any less value or merit than the people who get better or people who never have depression at all.

So, personally, I think a more important, generally accurate, and compassionate message than "depression will get better if you just try hard enough" is this one:

Whether you're cured or not, whether the usual recommendations help much or not, whether medications help or not: this isn't your fault.

This time around I thought I would make a comic relaying the events after the last time I posted, because my gosh is it easier to explain with pretty pictures than upsetting words >vO I prefer to make jokes about my situation than anything, ‘cause honestly it’s a solid way of dealing with it and I take so many medications as it is, why not add laughter to it I say! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Despite my condition’s best efforts I still managed to organise and complete a commission with someone through emails! Thank you @waezi2 you were so patient as I arose from my grave every other day to get things done (❁´◡`❁) Fighting my body and winning to complete it was the victory I needed! The sheer satisfaction I get from a commission well received by someone is like pure nectar to me~ Sweet sustenance I just can’t get enough of! The money don’t hurt either, Disability Support Pensions do not go far in this economy 👀 This is as close as I can get to having a job and I wont let C.V.S (Cyclic vomiting Syndrome) or Chrohns take that from me! 

I’m raring to dive into more if anyone’s interested ♪(´▽｀) I’m just about to post a new “commissions sheet” to broadcast that very fact >vO I do love having something to draw between Ectober pages~

Controversial take but I'm much more comforted by the idea of a deity that makes mistakes and admits it than one that insists they're perfect and punishes anyone who says otherwise by sending them to be tortured

on a personal level i'm sad about the current tomgreg situation because, for me, i haven't felt this interested in a character relationship dynamic for a long time.

they were so compelling to me. tom being repressed in every single way then taking it out on greg, who just let it happen. we couldn't tell exactly how greg felt but it was clear tom felt something about him. i was so interested in where they were taking it, but it's starting to feel like nowhere. they're just nothing at the moment.

i feel like i'm pretty reasonable about the kind of things i hope for. there's stuff i wanted to happen, sure, but my actual expectation was for some more insane homoerotic scenes that have some emotional depth. like we had in previous seasons. this isn't a two dudes standing next to each other situation. we had those.

i don't think it was unrealistic to want to see more of a relationship that has been a significant part of the show until now. it feels like we've lost something. and it's the last season. this is all we get. forever. so that is where i am coming from.

i'll just hope they release the deleted scenes someday and there'll be something in there for us. anyway hope this post ages terribly and something wild happens in the next few episodes so everyone can have a good time again lmao. love u all tomgreggies.

Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu

love how i saw daddy!SRK reenter the game with his chainsaw his belt and his cigar and said 'yeah ykw that's a good place to stop for now'. love how i just decided to simp for this man at all levels just when the intermission came in love that for us

Thinking about going to World Most Boring Bible Study Ever. Idk yall. Idk. Idek.

I think the disconnect between canon Belos and (a certain genre of) fanon Belos is that in canon he is pathetic (in the dramatic sense) not sympathetic.

stuck between a sickening despair that everything is so fucking hard and heavy and an unshakable bitterness and guilt that i'm not trying hard enough

nawt to be bitter but my stupid fucking juice poll getting more than 600 notes in less than a day but my commission post that's been up for a Month not being able to break 15 reblogs that aren't just Me. actually no to be bitter what the hell man

webbed sites will be like “things you can do to protect yourself from long covid!!!” and then when i’m like yeah that ship has sailed, what can i do when i already have it? they’re like girl idk suffer i Guess

It’s orvuto anon again, I stalled on your pinned post again — experimental neuroscience?? :eyes:

Yesss. I'm actually an undergrad neuroscience major... Like writing and art and stuff is just for fun, I wanna be a research neuroscientist one day lol.

i can’t TAKE this i am so stressed out and beside myself!!!!

girl its like i miss this website a little i cant lie

that stupid mentally ill gay computer *KICKS ROCK*