#and im too scared of others judging me because im a horrible person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unluckyhoneybee · 1 year

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hello hello im back with my marcus requests :) feel like im a regular at this point (though its been a while) i would love cherry with dialogue 12 and 24! so i was thinking: fwb and marcus doesnt know, and one morning she hastily leaves when marcus is still half asleep bc of something with her kid (could be having to pick them up, take them to school or something else, nothing serious)

maybe they later have a talk where she mentions having a kid and how it prevented her for going into a serious relationship, but she feels like a bad mum sometimes having a fuckbuddy (shes not!!!) i hope you can make something nice out of this :) - your regular marcus anon💆🏻‍♀️

Random prompt list.

Cherry: Single mum.

12. "What the fuck are you doing?" "Shh"

24. "You must be his/her favourite person in the world."

"Oh fuck" You checked the time and got up from the bed, waking a half asleep Marcus.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He said taking his hand to his chest. "You scared me"

"Shh. G-go back to sleep. I-I have to leave. I'm sorry. Uuuh... See you?"

He frowned. What was going on?

"Yes?"

You leaned over him and kissed his lips. "I'll text you"

"Cool"

And like that you ran to pick Roy up from his friend's house.

Days passed and you hadn't seen Marcus. Nor texted him. You were fully avoiding every contact with him because you had been late to pick your boy. The other kids parents weren't so happy and had definitely judged you a lot. And it had made you spiral down into a loop of anxiety and fears. Until Marcus texted asking if he had done something wrong. He had been feeling quite the same. You had left his apartment in a rush and he hadn't heard from you since then. He was thinking he had done something wrong and he didn't want to fuck things up. You were too special.

You: do you want to come over? There is something I want to talk about.

He showed up on time, biting his nails and feeling more nervous than ever. And when you opened the door and he saw SpongeBob on the TV and little cars around the floor, he only grew more confused.

"Are you babysitting?" He asked.

You shook your head and let him in.

"This is what I want you to talk about."

"What?"

"Mum!"

"Mum?"

Marcus looking at you and you wanted to cry.

"Come here, Roy."

He watched the little boy, who had your eyes and nose, walk to you. You picked him and kissed his cheek. You had a son? Since when?

"Roy, honey. This is Marcus. Can you say hi to him?"

"Hi, Marcus" He sweetly said.

Marcus heart beated so fast. The toddler was definitely cute. So cute. And you... Oh you were perfect.

"Hi, Roy. Nice to meet you"

Marcus shook Roy's hand and the boy giggled. For the first time, you smiled.

"I'm sorry" You said looking at Marcus.

"No, no. Um... It's fine"

And it was. He was strangely fine. He wasn't bothered at all. He was 22 and his fuck buddy had a hidden son. And somehow, he didn't care. Probably all of his friends would be bothered by this. Past him would be bothered by this.

"Can we talk about it?" You said with sad eyes. He nodded.

You left Roy playing with his cars and dinosaurs in the living room and took Marcus to the kitchen.

"Why didn't you told me?" He softly asked and grabbed your hand. His thumb brushed your knuckles and you lowered your head.

"I... I have been ditched before. Guys don't want to mess with a girl who has a son." You confessed. "But... You are so nice and I have so much fun with you... I was selfish the first time and didn't told you. Then the second time I was too scared and then... Then I simply couldn't..."

"The other day..."

"He had a play date and I was late to pick him. I lost the track of time with you and... Fuck... I feel like a horrible mum sometimes"

"Why?"

"I went to fuck someone while my son was at his friend's house."

Marcus shrugged. "Is it such a big deal?"

"Kind of? I don't know"

Marcus swallowed the lump on his throat and cupped your chin. You let a shaky breath out and he pressed a kiss to your lips. "Would it be such a big deal if instead of your fuck buddy I was your boyfriend?"

Your eyes opened like plates. You had just introduced him to the son you had hidden from him and he was (somehow) asking you to be his girlfriend.

"What?"

"Answer"

"No"

"Then... Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Your grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer.

"A-are you serious?" You struggled to say. "And sure? Are you sure? I-I have a son..."

"I am"

You cupped his cheeks and kissed him deep and slow. "Yes, yes. I want to" You said between kisses."

Marcus smiled on your lips and pulled you for another kiss.

"Marcus! Look! My stegosaurus!"

Marcus pulled back and licked his lips. He didn't let go of your cheeks.

"Wow mate, that's so cool" He told Roy.

The boy happily ran back to the living room.

"Did he just perfectly pronounced Stegosaurus?"

"Um... Yes." You answered with a smile. "My boy is really clever, Marcus."

"I wasn't expecting less"

You both laughed.

"Marcus!"

"On my way"

You gasped when Marcus went, without doubt, to the living room and sat with Roy.

Soon they were both playing together with the little cars.

"I drive cars, Roy"

"No!"

"Mhm. Really fast"

"ON RACES?!"

"Yes, buddy"

You sat with them and kissed Marcus cheek.

"Mum! Is true?"

"It is"

Roy jumped and grabbed Marcus hoodie.

"I want to go"

You both laughed.

"You must be his new favorite person in the world"

Marcus chuckled and looked at you with a smile.

"I love you"

You blushed and smiled.

"I love you too, Marcus."

"Thank you for telling me."

"Even if it's late?"

"It's not late. It's the right moment"

You leaned your head on his shoulder.

"Marcus! Let's race. You are the blue and I'm the green"

"Okay mate, come here"

Heeey, I changed it a bit. I hope you liked it!

#Random prompt list #Marcus Armstrong #Ma #Blurb #Fluff #Indycar

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itsjustfire4 · 9 months

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Guys i have the sirius to my remus. I spend a lot of time in my head and i feel horrible a lot of the time. I dont like when people pay a lot of attention to me because it freaks me out, like they’ll find out something i dont want them to. I worry a lot and im crazy insecure. My bsf, whom i love, is very loud about his care. Dont get me wrong, im not at all complaining, i love him sm and i love that he cares about me. Its just overwhelming sometimes bc i feel like he makes a bigger deal out of some of my issues than they actually are. Hes protective and very expressive when hes worried about someone. Hes contantly asks me if im okay, checks up and asks if ive eaten properly, etc. hes more, forcedul in his care ig is the bast way i can explain in. Kind of hurried, as if ill disapear if he doesnt do something immedeatly. And i love that about him, truely, hes amazing, but i respond better to silent care. Which is what this boy does for me. He listens, he LIKES it when i ramble, he never talks over me, and hes quiet about his care in the best ways possible. When i told him about some home issues he didnt freak out, he made light of the situation and it was exactly what i needed. Theres issues in my life that i have never even said out loud, things im utterly terrified to tell anyone ever. And its like this guy knows exactly what i need. If i were gonna tell anyone these things it would be him. He doesnt make it a big deal, he doesnt ask anything else from me, just silently listens to what i tell him. Hes so gentle and sweet and caring in so many ways. The first timw i cried in fromt of him, it was terrifying bc i hate crying in front of people. He then told me im a pretty crier, and that make me feel so good. Like that calmed my worries instantly. I know he doesnt judge me and fuck its beautiful. I love him so much, hes perfect to me. Like if there was a person who was made to fit the final peice in my puzzle, it was him. However, im not putting him on soem sort of perfect petastole. Hes not perfect, never has been, hes awkward and silly and doesnt know how to respond to a lot of things. He has issues and struggles, things hes scared of and his limits, like every other human. But none of that matters, you know? Like i know hes not perfect but that doesnt make him any less to me. Hes the same guy that makes me grin stupidly when he tells me he loves it when i tell him about the stars. Hes the same guy that didnt talk to me for three days bc he was socially exhausted. Hes the same guy that still came back and asks me to hang out when he has some silly idea. Hes the same guy that was there for me when i came out to my family and comforted me when i was overhwelmed with my emotions. Silences between us arent awkward, we can just BE with each other. Like sit in the same room for hours and not speak and it not be even slightly wierd. Ive had a crush on him since we became friends like three years ago. I dont know if he feels the same at all. But i dont need him to return those feelings. I dont need to date him, i dont need anything more from him. His friendship is all i could ever hope for and its even better because hes become such a CLOSE friend in these years. He means more to me than he will ever know and i am perfectly content with what we have right now. We plan to move in together when we’re older and adopt disabled pets bc they deserve love too. We have ideas on how our household will work and who will do what. I dont want any of that to change, i will never need more from this man. I love him, i dont know in what way but it doesnt matter. Its the samw no matter what.

#marauders #sirius black #sorry for the rant #i love him #he>>>#hes amazing #remus lupin #im gay as fuck #men #ignore this #i just needed to share this #somewhere i was annonymis

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0pheleschimera0 · 11 months

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I am very glad that general public has moved past the need to identify themselves with either proship or antiship (i wonder if it has something to do with growing up? cuz when i was a teenager it was still everywhere even though im pretty much still around the same circles ive been like 4 years ago. we all grew up i guess LOL) because both communities are absolutely unnecessary vile and lack any sort of critical thinking skills or desire to listen to someone with differing opinion.

As much as it is going to be useless to try to explain to a hardcore proshipper that """shipping""" """"problematic"""" things is bad and harmful and it doesn't make a person explaining that to them a puritan it's just as useless to try to explain to a hardcore "anti" that shipping something unhealthy or being into "weird" kinks doesn't define person's moral standing or them as a person.

And by the last one i don't mean pedophilia or incest - it's specifically ships that are purposefully between people who are bad for each other. It always comes down to the way the person goes about such dynamics that you can judge for yourself whether you want anything to do with them. Cuz most of the time it's not that they think abuse is awesome, or unhealthy relationships are cute, it's just that sometimes someone doesn't give a shit about implications and whatnot and goes off of the surface level of understanding of that relationship and they decided for themself that its cute. But i digress.

It is honestly horrible to see adults so deep in their own ass trying to defend horrid behavior in spaces dedicated to kids, spread content actively harmful and putting children into the headspace where they can become an easy target for predators, and make it even harder to try to have the conversations with children about how it is harmful.

But it's foolish to try and think that both sides of this stupid internet war aren't batshit weird. Both spread outright lies about each other to make each other look bad for people who don't know any of this stuff. It's foolish to think that there aren't predators in the "anti" spaces. Predators will be everywhere, what we need to get our attention to is spreading information on how to recognize them and stay away from them, not that certain content or spaces will make kids more susceptible to becoming a victim.

In the end of the day you won't stop people from making horrible things, sadly. And what's even more disturbing is that for many years "anti" spaces has created an environment where making a mistake is equal to having your entire internet presence near dangerous and very psychologically draining. One think proshippers are right about and it's that "antis" aren't always exactly concerned about children but about upholding higher moral ground.

Not to get personal but it certainly didn't protect me from predators. It certainly didn't make me feel better about myself or feel safe or like i could grow as a person if i always say the "right" thing and would be too scared to misstep or i will be shunned from the internet.

Idk where im going with this actually. I guess what im trying to get at is think for yourself and learn from your mistakes and listen to people when they say how things harm them. It certainly helped me get out of the proshipper spaces and antishipper spaces eventually.

#txt

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mbti-notes · 2 years

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Anon wrote: Hi, reading your posts made me realize I’m likely an INFJ in a terrible loop. For the last 6 months i’ve been reading about mbti I thought I was INTJ, and every test i tried said it too, but i didnt and still don’t understand Fe vs Te, even after reading your posts. But INFJ in a loop sounds a lot like me. So let’s go with that.

My auxiliary function is suffering. When I’m outside I have this tendency to observe people, the room, their behavior and enjoy dwelling in it, as if I’m reading a novel. It bothers me when someone says or acts rude, when a man bothers a woman like a creep.

In my head i’m so criticizing of other people. And if i’m not criticizing, im acting as if i can read everything about another person. I know this sounds horrible and very narcissistic, but i want to be honest to fix myself. And I know i’m doing this overthinking in social situations to defend myself by acting as if im superior.

But i just observe, i never interact. I havent talked to a single person in my class in university, since im a few years older (24 in a room of 21yo people). Even though i know if i want to socialize thats the right place. I start thinking: if i talk to them, they will get to know me, they will find that i failed or that i dont have a lot of my shit together, and then i will be judged. So why bother. And i know that its so flimsy and stupid. I only made one friend in my old uni before changing courses.

This is not only at university btw. I dont go out in the evenings, or try to meet new people, because i literally have no fucking idea of how to do it without looking like a misfit. My old friends are all very distant now, and while I know many people everything I never really dated, and while i have this insane void of emotional intimacy, i keep rationalising every attempt of experiencing life. I live in a shell.

And the fact i haven’t dated and i’m 24, is so scary. I’m not even ugly or that uninteresting or without hobbies, because people told me the opposite many times, but i dont know why i cant come out of my shell. This is not only about dating, but in general. Im always distant emotionally and end up thinking about it instead of living it. Because im a grown man scared of being judged for my smiles,tears and my love.

I think i have some trauma issues from my teens, when i talked to a girl on facebook for 2 years listening to her problems because i liked her, without ever approaching her irl (because i was a scared teenager idk why). It was a one way thing. I was basically her diary in human form. When i told her my feelings it was too late. After that i ended in a 1 yr depression, and it definitely marked me as a person. I never really opened myself emotionally with anyone else after. Maybe this is not even trauma, it actually feels demeaning to call it as such when other people have suffered more.

This post is a mess. Maybe im just overthinking, and you’ll probably read this and think i need therapy and/or im mistyped . But I really want to break these chains, and hearing an insight from someone who understand people very well could help.

------------------------

If I understand correctly, the main problem is you are closed off and unable to open up. It sounds like you are very afraid of socializing, most likely because you are afraid of being hurt by other people's negative judgments of you (it is a common problem related to unhealthy Fe). There are several factors that may be contributing to this problem:

- Low Self-Worth: You exhibit oversensitivity that arises from using other people's judgments to define your identity and/or determine your personal worth. If you're always worried about how you're being perceived, then you will of course feel anxious about interacting with anyone you're unsure about. This makes it very difficult to meet new people and expand your social circle.

- "Mindreading": You presume to know what others think, without any evidence, easily jumping straight to the worst case scenario. This is a defense mechanism that gives you a false sense of control, as though you're preparing yourself for the worst to happen. As such, you manage to talk yourself out of socializing, losing every opportunity to learn and grow socially.

- Unresolved Past: You've had negative relationship experiences in the past. When you don't resolve negative feelings, learn the right lessons from them, and consciously put the past behind you, you will take the past and project it into the future, expecting it to happen again. This means you are out of touch with reality because you never treat people as NEW people and give them the benefit of the doubt. You assume that people are out to hurt you and you build walls of protection, which conveniently prevents anyone from knowing you and getting close enough to want a relationship with you.

- Lack of Social Skills: It's hard to feel confident when you're incompetent. Even if you were to work up the courage to meet new people, it sounds like you would still lack the skills required to develop the relationship. Immature INFJs often suffer in relationships because of unrealistic ideas and/or unreasonable expectations, which is often related to faulty reasoning patterns (Ti loop). Social skills are called "skills" because anyone can learn and improve them. If you care about being a better version of yourself, you have to be honest about your deficits and apply yourself to learn the knowledge and skills that you need to move forward in life. See the recommended books on the resources page.

While it's possible to work on these issues on your own, it's the more difficult path to take. When you have a serious problem like social anxiety that prevents you from living the life you hope to live, then, yes, it is best to reach out for professional expertise and assistance. People aren't born knowing everything, so everyone needs help at some point and there is no shame in getting it. As long as you keep trying to convince yourself that your needs don't matter or that your problems aren't as serious or serious enough to warrant attention, you will continue to dig your own grave of unhappiness. How long do you want to go through life with these problems weighing you down and holding you back?

#infj #auxiliary fe #social skills #social anxiety #infj relationships #ask

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notquitecharlie · 11 months

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7/13/23 Again

Dear Friend,

I’m sorry I’m a liar. I don’t want to lie to you, I lie too much. It’s never “big” lies the kind that mean anything to anyone but me but I lie too much about who I am and how I feel to lie to you too. I’m going to try to share as much of myself that I don’t share with anyone else now. This post will be long, the ones that follow it may be too if you don’t want to read it friend you don’t have to but I think some part of me needs to write it. I hope that you don’t judge me because, I trust you friend even though we likely haven’t met yet. I’m going to attempt to be relatively chronological except in one part, the beginning.

I’m not always happy friend. Sometimes I am so sad and lonely and anxious and scared that it physically hurts but I still smile and am polite and kind as I can and if anyone were to ask me I would always say that I’m happy. I lie most days about this and I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s like a part of me feels like if I lie and say that I’m happy I will be, that the more I smile the more I’ll mean it.

Ever since I was young I’ve been called ugly, especially by my mom. I feel horrid saying that but I’m trying to be honest so there. When I was small and did plays she would clip extensions into my hair, when I was about 11 or 12 going to a school presentation fair thing I put on a dress my grandma had given me and I felt gorgeous, sure I had acne and a bad hair day but still I asked her how I looked and the response was “like a homeless person what the hell are you thinking I’m doing your hair”. Every time I’ve done something like a choir performance or taken school pictures she’s smattered makeup onto my face to cover up the imperfections and asked me why I didn’t do it myself, I’ve always told her I forgot or sometime along those lines but I’ll be honest to you. I can’t stand makeup for the most part. Some days I can and I’ll do fun makeup for me but I lie and hide too much without covering my face.

Eating can be so fucking hard and I don’t know why. I’m very skinny, you can see my spine and my ribs and shoulder bones all of it and I hate it but sometimes eating physically hurts. It’s like I just feel bad, you know?

I’m gay and I wish my family would stop talking about gay people so horribly and using the word lesbian as an insult. I wish my nine year old sister wasn’t already brainwashed into that way of thinking too. I don’t want to talk about how cute guys are. I don’t.

I have horrible nightmares most nights. They just feel so real and every night I say sweet dreams to every person so. many. times. But no one ever says it back and i wonder if they did, would it make any difference?

I want to finish my sentences sometimes without being interrupted or shushed. I’m not stupid and I wish people would give my the tiniest bit of respect to listen to what im saying. Sometimes it matters.

I cry. I fidget. I over apologize to (normally to) people who don’t deserve it. I hate talking to people. I hate asking for stuff. I get overly worried about cleanliness. Sometimes loud noises physically pain me (not just in the ow my ears hurt way). Textures especially with food tend to disgust me (cheese, oil, olives, popsicle sticks, some bread, tortillas,eggs) I can normally force myself to eat it but other days I just can’t. Nothing feels safer than the number seven.

I’m sorry to share all of this and I’m also sorry I would love to do it again sometime.

Love always,

Athena

#perks of being a wallflower #letters #diary #revealed #perks #Truth

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mangoposts · 5 months

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OKAY im finally alone so TW for anyone reading this, i will be mentioning rape & knives/scars.

i'll try to make this short but the summer before i went into 10th grade, i had hung out w this guy and i really did just wanna hang out and go for a drive, but he thought i wanted to hook up. i definitely did not because i was a virgin and never done anything with a guy at all. he was a senior and a lot bigger than me and forced me into having sex w him, i kept saying no and stop and take me home but he just kept getting angrier and eventually held a knife to my like pubic bone? pelvis? just down there idk. so i caved. i hated every second and cried but i stopped fighting. i haven't had sex since then, im 20 years old now and i haven't even been fingered by a guy, never given or received head, and never given a handjob. and im honestly really embarrassed about it and wanna have sex with someone SO BADLY but im scared.

the main reason i'm scared isn't because i'm scared i'll be forced into it again, although that is absolutely in the back of my mind. i'm completely fine now and over the situation, but it does worry me that i could get overwhelmed and the guy im with wouldn't wanna stop. but my bigger fear which im 100x more embarrassed of, is what a guy is gonna think when he sees my pussy. now hear me out bc i know that sounds weird😭 but all throughout high school i always heard guys make comments about how ugly this girls pussy is or how gross this girls is and it terrified me. but now i'm even more scared because of what that guy did to me, he literally cut into my skin and left scars. what is a guy gonna think when he sees that? how am i supposed to explain all this? i just i have a lot of questions and concerns but i'm a fucking 20 year old "virgin" if i can even call myself that, i've technically had sex but i didn't want it so idk if i even count that as a body. i just have been panicking over this for forever and have no idea what to do, if you have any advice at all i'd really appreciate it so so much

- 🌙

Oh baby :-(. Im so sorry this happened to you. You were really young and you didn’t deserve that whatsoever, if you can feel it im giving you a hug thru the phone. Im so so so sorry and i hope that man is dead in a ditch somewhere 🤍

On the other hand, i promise you you have nothing to worry about at all. Im telling you rn and i know it sounds so corny and lame and everybody always says this but its true, the right person is not going to judge you for anything and im so Fr when i say that. Trust when i was in high school guys would say all kinda stupid shit like that about girls in the school and it never bothered me because i knew there was at least one person out there who wouldn’t care about anything other people would talk shit about, and i was right 🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s so many people out there who would find u beautiful the way u are and just because some guys in the past thought in that immature goofy ass way doesn’t mean every guy will you know what i mean?

Babe, my only advice for you is to stay the way you are, hang out w ur frennies and the right person is gon come trust. It’ll come when you aren’t looking for it or worrying about it, when you least expect it to be honest. What you went through was horrible and it might be the worlds way of saying you gotta give yourself time before exploring that area of your life yanno. There’s NOTHINGGG wrong with being a virgin at any age let alone 20. You’re still young and you have ur whole life ahead of you. Don’t worry about this, when it happens it’s gonna be fine you’ll see it

Thank you so much for trusting me to be vulnerable with, im sorry if im treating you too delicately im just speaking thru the soul rn 😭 And again im sorry this happened to you. Even if i dont know u i love u a lot and im proud of you for moving past the situation despite how hard it might’ve been

Also im sorry for taking awhile to get back to you, i just scrolled through my inbox and finally found this

#🤍

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ilmacore · 2 years

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Im so late with this! But I want to do it too because it seems fun!

Day 1 Favourite God: Shiva.

(my partner saw this first👉👈)

Anyways...My relationship with this God has been growing exponentially over time,At first I was very scared, because I come from a Messianic Jewish family! they usually speak disparagingly of other divine figures that are not Jehovah himself, badly... One day some time ago and this is an experience that I will only tell today I went to sleep, it is very difficult for me to fall asleep.

My house is a mess and normally I used to be very stressed and very scared. In that dream there was only a big tree, a plain and the mountains in the background... Meditative was there, Shiva, for some reason I repeated that act but I moved away a little, a natural tendency in me is not to disturb the tranquility of others, and I meditated without making noise.

After hours, he got up and began to dance with joy, I continued meditating, I did not want to interrupt his dance.He looked at me and quietly said "are you listening to me?" and I replied in a similar way "I always listen to someone who has something to say to me",I opened my eyes and saw a sincere smile, we began to talk, to talk about many things... "I don't know what to do, God always judges me for everything I do, I feel locked up, oppressed by the laws written since the time of Moses" I said,"I am not judging you now, I have even invited you to talk to me, we have laughed, we have reached deep conclusions because of your curiosity and above all, because you listened carefully to my words", he said with that pacifying aura. At that moment, I really met God,in that form, and wept with joy.

"How can I follow in your footsteps? My family would do terrible things to me! I have not asked you for anything, I would never ask you for anything material or another thing! please Shiva, the only thing I ask of you and I will ask of you is this advice, being certain that it surely is, I will I will continue in silence or in joy, in all possible ways you will always be in my mind" I implored for an answer from this great guru.

He looked at the sky, with a clear answer, "I am not bound by the same laws as others, your duty as a son is to obey your parents... But when the time comes, like the birds, you will have to leave the nest, each day that passes you are a new person, live with this in mind,I know that you respect your family a lot, even if they have done horrible things to you, one day that blind devotion will bear fruit, do not turn pale, with time you will make a way, and as we have already spoken and you have shown me you are aware of many things, you will find the way , with time and following the right steps, you know what to do at the right time and it will help you, I trust it". Pleased and finding what I needed over time made me closer to him.

I have not asked him for anything else, and it is a promise that I will always keep, a promise that is not broken. Perhaps it was a stupid dream for some, especially for my family... But, when his name comes to mind in the worst moments, I feel relieved! When I finish meditating I feel an unimaginable joy and start to dance nonchalantly! my life changed completely after that night, and... I am happy, very happy because my needs are no longer physical, they have been destroyed over time....But something beautiful has been born, and it is something that I will always carry with me.

I was so afraid of hell that they had always preached to me, without love, without understanding for just being who I am... He saved me.The thought I have when I wake up and when I go to sleep is him. Obviously I do other things, but I keep what I promise... I am happy after this meeting and I will always be very grateful, thanks for reading it!

Tags: @sundaralekhan @browsing-my-favourite-fandoms @allegoriesinmediasres

I don't know who tag... So sorry I don't want to disturb!

#ilmastuff #shiva #hindu mythology event #sundaralekhan

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spiritualcultrecovery · 2 years

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No sleep

I’ve gotten little sleep lately. All of this has been swirling in my mind. I’m learning new things now. I’m learning how to take care of myself without making emotions or law of attraction the basis of my entire fucking existence.

My fucking gosh.

What. the. fuck.

HOW is it that we take ONE aspect of life such as emotions or spirituality, and make it EVERYTHING including the way we think, talk, BREATHE….

for fucks sake.

they even tell us how we should breathe.

I am scared to talk more deeply about the actual group I was in… (and am still psychologically unhooking from), but eventually I will. because… there are things in that group alone that are super specific that are… CRAZY and SKETCH af.

I wish I could tell people to not go “new age.” to not go “spiritual”. To not listen to ANY spiritual guru. it’s that part of me that wants to save people. :(

anyways… what I wanted to say was… the specific group I followed had these INSANE beliefs and behaviors that when I look back, I realize this is horrible.

There were these processes involving channeling that the spiritual teacher taught & showed people how to do (poorly if I may add 😞). she would instruct people to literally just channel… channel anything. as it serves in the process. so for example, if you were looking at a shadow aspect of grief, to channel that one, and then channel the opposite one. and do this stuff together with other people!

at first… it’s cool.

“omg im channeling!!!! i’m doing psychic shit! I’m being vulnerable and being with my emotions!”

but … imagine.

imagine like just… channeling. someone saying to you “that deep pain that you feel, just channel it. let it take over you completely.”

and then doing that… over and over again. for yourself AND even for other people. like literally channeling OTHER peoples pains and even past lives or ancestors or loved ones, etc. without like ANY focus on being a *PURE* channel. on maybe clearing your field or like making sure we’re doing this in with positive light or anything else that spiritual people do to at least TRY to make the experience functional.

I’m starting to feel angry realizing that… probably a lot of people in this group have just been channeling negative energies and entities for NO. Reason. and then doing it again… and again… and doing the 2 hour process again the next week to then heal from the negative entities you channeled last week, etc…

It’s brutality.

I see so many people in this group suffering constantly. they ask themselves… “what’s wrong with me? I feel like dying again today. I don’t understand. am I not doing enough shadow work?”…..

no….

you’re doing TOO much of this work. :( you’re slowly downgrading yourself… decreasing your ability for human functioning… believing less and less that the universe has your back and that you are loved and safe… continuously only connecting with people in that same dark vibration as you, and then staying down there… not able to connect to anyone else because… “they can’t see you and hear you. they don’t understand you.”

No, they don’t. because you are in a parallel reality that was created entirely by another person / the spiritual field in general. also… your leader says that a lot she says she’s not understood. she says she’s misunderstood. so that’s part of it too. It’s like a whole community of people who feel misunderstood by everyone but each other. so then.:: it keeps them stuck. in loops.

loops after loops.

I know someone who is just… permanently there it seems. I care about him so much. I see him so miserable, to the point where he has accepted his misery so much that he doesn’t even consider it misery anymore. he’s taken on the identity of being a low vibrational entity being. After decades of having so much dissociation and pain and spiritual also influence from this group, etc… you’d have to create an identity like that in order to belong.

I’m afraid I am judging him. Maybe I am. but…. it’s difficult to accept someone being in a pool of toxicity and isolation. someone who has no in-person friends, is isolated in his room all day on the internet, talks online to highly toxic people from the group, and… worst of all… feels no pain about it anymore, and has reached a state of pure acceptance and scary adaptation. and has no internal motivation to get out.

So, it’s not judgement. it’s worry. it’s like a mother worrying about her child. :( the way my family members worry about me.

All I can do is focus on my healing and be a friend to him, though i’ll be honest, i don’t know what to even say. How do you even begin? In the end i’ll just come back to love.

0 notes

no-psi-nan · 2 years

Text

The Most Dateable Dudes in Saiki K: Survey Results!

With 119 votes from viewers like you, we can finally crown the most dateable dude of the Saiki K main cast...

Congratulations to Kuboyasu Aren for being the most dateable, and to Nendo Riki for being a close second!

Fun fact: Nendo was actually ahead for most of the voting time!

Of course, we can’t leave out the rest of the Saiki K dudes, so here’s the lineup:

More statistics and voter comments under the cut! Thanks everyone for playing, and to everyone with the laugh-out-loud quotes: stop being funnier than me wtf.

From the main cast...

Saiki Kusuo (16)

he's just like me fr. we wouldn't date we'd just be in a qpr.

He cares

Give coffee jelly and best boifriend

im aroace and so is he so we can just not date eachother

He'll settle for the most average bitch: me.

I'm personally too old to date these high schoolers but Saiki is genuinely the most fun to hang out with, plus he's such a giving and caring person that he'd be a great partner to someone he could trust and that could make him feel human again. It's not saikis fault he exudes capybara vibes.

He's respectful and I like how he doesn't really have expectations for anyone. I would like to play a video game with him at some point in time or just read books in the same room without talking.

Because i love him (though aren is a close second)

He is really considering and caring even if he hides it. He can revive time for any objects and thats a huge help with cleaning and healthcare. And he never judge his friends so thats a huge anxiety relif. And he is ace

I love Saiki!!! Yeah!! Love that guy!!!

Will have no huge problems as his friend and in his proximity, will be in proximity often. focused on me and my problems while trying to escape from dating. Every day a new adventure

Saiki Kusuo (without powers) (2)

without his powers kusuo is just a little guy. so horribly out of touch in a way that isn't obvious but EXTREMELY funny + less psychic fuckery means i don't have to worry about the negatives, and it's not like i was going to expect anything like that from any other partner. plus we're both aspec. it will be a lavender marriage, except neither of us have a secret gay relationship on the side

Nendo Riki (24)

im aroace and he is too and i want to hang out

Himbo. Enough said.

Listen, I'm a kaido stan but the answer is literally nendo. He can cook. He's good w/ animals & kids. His face would scare away creepy guys. His brain is so empty it makes more room for ~love for friends~. All he had to do was get a haircut and the entire class found him irresistible. When love expert Imu told saiki her vision of the perfect man he literally pictured nendo before she mentioned a perm. Wake up people.

NO EXPLANATION NEEDEAD HE'S LITERALLY THE BEST. you just gotta keep it a secret from him 'cause he thinks dating is only for the bad stuff. or explain to him that it's not just for the bad stuff

The lesser of 10 evils

Best Boy ever

The propaganda posted yesterday was very convincing. Also he's genuine and kind

good cook, loyal, friendly, has personality, himbo

he would treat me well i think

hes the only one with the emotional maturity. Saikis too angsty. Kaidous wayyy to angsty. Hairo maybe, but hes never gonna have a good work life balance, he'll put his training over you being his partner. idk whod ever pick toritsuka. kuboyasu was literally in a gang, im gonna give him a bit to learn how to be a functioning member of society. saiko is a bitch. satous boring as fuck, i love him but not as a date. akechi has never learnt how to talk normally in his life, love him but that doesnt make him dateable

Nendo

Kind himbo

Big heart himbo who can cook

He's just gorgeous and manly, he's peak male performance

i was told to put him

is it not obvious?

nendo beloved, no thoughts

I need a weird guy in my life. I need a guy who will lick door handles with me.

tbh honest the most normal. He's only undatable bc he's gross but idk. kuboyasus a close second maybe

Can cook, loves animals, is athletic. The whole package except for his haircut.

he is kind :)

Kaido Shun (10)

He's super sweet, shy, throws himself in to protect people, and he's a chuuni dork and I think that's a feature not a bug 😌 Also his studious nerdy side is cute. I will stand by this.

I might be choosing kaidou bc I'm a lesbian and he's the most femm guy ngl

He's absolutely adorable and I feel like he would be reliable.

He be cute

idk bro i just like pathetic dudes. i feel like he'd be fun to play video games with and bond over our terrible moms lol

Least likely to cause me physical or psychological damage over the course of our relationship. He's so awkward with romance dates would probably just be LARPing Jet Black Wings, seriously doubt anything romantic would actually happen and y'know what I'm cool with that. I wanna rp as my edgy middle school OCs too cringe culture is dead

We have similar levels of goblin- I'd say saiki but that is the most aroace guy I've ever seen. Love to be in a qpr with him tho 👍

he's so pathetic <3

Hairo Kineshi (13)

i feel like this isn't even a question like??? He's the obvious right choice. He'd treat you right

he's nice :)

hes not my fave BUT hes the most normal if you don't count satou, and satou is a little TOO normal so itd be boring. also hes hot and popular and he would put a lot of effort into the relationship

Drinks respect women juice (unlike some), not stuck up nor unattractive

He's break my heart w the most motivational speech ever +_+

He's a good guy, he'd never lie, and would be his partner's biggest cheerleader.

Hairo is the most likely and reasonable option to choose out of all the Saiki K men. We all know how Saiki reacts to others trying to date him. Nendo's oblivious, and Kaido is very kind but hes not ready for romance. Toritsuka is.... Toritsuka. Saiko tries to buy people. Aren is too much of a try-hard. I can't really imagine how Touma or Satou would be relationships. Hairo is the most respectful and compassionate man in Saiki K. He listens to people and speaks whats on his mind (even if its a little blunt). He can be much but thats ok

he's the most normal and least worst

he is so supportive and even if hes rlly intense he would be such a good bf

he's nice. & hot i guess (if you're into that)

He is the most considerate and seems to be the most ready for a relationship, though the bar is very low.

Toritsuka Reita (3)

;) i love me a man who is Awful (im gay)

Kuboyasu Aren (31)

hes not too much of an idiot (unlike nendou, kaidou(im sorry lmao), saiko) + he respects women (unlike toritsuka) + i dont headcanon him as aroace (unlike akechi and saiki) + hes not boring (im sorry satou) (+ i dont deserve hairo tbh)

Side characters think Saiki is bland, Nendo is so ugly that nobody will give him a chance (:() , Kaido has his whole chuuni side to him which is annoying for most (:(), Hairo is Hairo, Toritsuka is Toritsuka, Saiko would probably be third place because of his money status but he is still insufferable to a lot of people, side characters know that Satou is bland (though that could be a good thing who knows, he is my 2nd place) and Akechi would just talk and talk and talk which most people would find annoying. Kuboyasu is pretty good at masking his delinquent side nowadays and has become just an average guy who isn't bland. Some people also prefer bad boys, so there's that I guess.

He could drive me around with his motorbike and could wrestle with me, that's really all i need in life. If powerless Saiki could still ride a motorbike he'd be my second choice, because we actually have a lot in common. Or maybe that's not a good thing…

who else tbh

he's a badass

Can start shit and hide behind him.

Season two episode two where he gets a fake love letter he admits his loyalty to love and care about his spouse forever and is willing to just drop school to marry them. Also he's really handsome and strong and good at art

Loyal. Will beat up anyone who decides to look at me in a bad way.

With how he reacted to one single (fake) love letter I don't doubt the fact that he would take care of his s.o. very well

Seem like he would be fun to hang around without it being absolutely insane...i think...maybe...

LOOK AT THE DUDE!! mans was ready to marry and be loyal to a woman his whole life over a single love letter absolute husband material I tell ya plus, he's trying to be good

He would be DEVOTED to his partner. He's cute. Also bisexual.

Big and buff and kind

An all around good guy. Has proven he isn't afraid of commitment and sacrifices for a life together, even dropping out. Is more than capable of protecting his partner, and also understands that his fighting lifestyle could put undue stress on his partner and their relationship and is willing to fully stop for them. He is respectful and has basic notions of what is and isn't socially appropriate, more than can be said about other members of the cast. He isn't desperate, or a pushover, a relationship with him is unlikely to be average to the point of boredom and he isn't excessively embarrassing to be with in public.

He’d make a genuine effort to be a good bf and make you happy. also weirdly i think he's the most normal one

Aren is a kind and loyal person, to his friends, his family and especially his lover. Aren doesn't need to constantly rely on people to become a better person, we've already seen from when he first appeared that he showed great discipline and restraint when he was trying to move on from his old delinquent life. His lover doesn't have to worry about about him 24/7, knowing that Aren can restraint himself and stay out trouble, he only ever really gets into fights with people that are awful. He always looks like he gives strong hugs and is very handsome.

He's hot n would treat me right. Need me a man that can kick someone's ass for me

hnnfg,,;,

Hes respectful but can also kick ass. He drinks his respect women juice everyday.

deeply dedicated to his potential partner + great at violence

H e's a dedicated and passionate guy. He's someone who's actively trying to better himself, and personally I find that really admirable and kind of attractive dldhldhskd.

Remember that time when someone sent him a (prank) confession letter, he was so nervous and serious it was so funny and cute. Honestly all I could think about at the time was that I would love to date a guy who would take the relationship seriously, but still be nervous that I can tease him a lot lol.

The only con with Aren that I can think of is his background, realistically I dont think I want to date someone who has gang relations (not v sure. been a while since i read the manga, i dont remember if Aren was really in a legit gang or just a delinquent gang sorry. if he was in a legit gang, id be more scared).

Uhh other dateable characters I like are Nendou, Saiko Metori and Teruhashi Kokomi. Tbh Nendou's would be THE BEST boyfriend. But the reason why he's second place to me is bc he's too tall for me. Seriously. I'm 5ft and a half. I dont see what you guys see in 6ft men. I am Not craning my neck to kiss or even Look at my man. So sorry T_T

I also really enjoyed seeing Saiko slowly redeeming and becoming nicer and caring towards the end of the series. Honestly so heartwarming. I like him. Would date him actually, despite the attidude. I've dealt wih worse lol.

As for Teruhashi, honestly she's the one I can imagine what it's like dating her best. I can go on for much longer here but I already think my response is too long T_T. Just uhh yk if theres a girls section I maybe would pick her lrbrkrbkdndm.

Because I might get along with him better than anyone else. We also have the same goal of spending our lives loving one person.

Saiko Metori (1)

no one else is gonna vote for him <3 actual answer: he's cute he's rich and i can fix him

Satou Hiroshi (11)

the rest are insane i think. i love them but if i were to date any of them there would always be something. second best option would either be kaido or kuboyasu i think

Least bad option, and dating him seems like a guarantee for a good relationship.

he's just a normal, nice dude who won't drag you into insane situations or get you arrested or whatever

Respects women.

Satou? Nice normal dude, Ideal nice quiet life with him and a nice simple romance that I want :)

not much will happen, you get together, go on average dates, meet family, live average lives, over all it'll be ok, a break up will probably be just as average too

normal. just a guy

He is the most normal out of them LMAO (I love the others so so much but holy hell dating any of them would be atrocious askdjksjd)

Idk man he's just a guy (not blorbo)

I'm gonna sound like Saiki but he's average and we have common interests. Not a lot of drama but life's not exactly dull around him either. He can care the conversations but he'll also let you ramble on.

Bro is the only man thatd treat me right

Akechi Touma (7)

I need someone to ramble more than me... Also I need someone to deduce what happens next in some fanfictions that isn't finished yet because I can't wait and doesn't have insane deduction skill. I mean Kuusuke can do it but Kuusuke might kill me so no. Also I need more Akechi ramble, I like those, got me interested in blood-type personality pseudo-science influence in japan, and since Akechi asked people to not harass him because of his blood type, it would mean that he is likely not type A (+and-). His purple eyes also implies that he has actually some supernatural skills, since traditional folktales associate this with eyes colored purple. It is also a deep dark purple. Interestingly, his pupils dilates whenever he goes into rambling mode. This is to be noted, people in sknpn dilates their people when they're furiously crazy (see Kurumi). Crazy Akechi? I am all here for it. Also he would be useful if I want to blackmail someone, so I would of course try my best to be on his side. I am not the brightest person in the world, but I am not stupid either. Next would be Kaidou. Kaidou is a totally relatable dude, since I have the same weight and same height as him (159cm and 45kg). Kaidou has a normal caring mom, who is overbearing but very well care about him genuinely. He is the only mom who Kusuo has never say anything negative about (Midori being a ""capitalist pig"", Kurumi being ""an idiot""). I would do anything to have his mom as my mom, though my mom is good enough, just a little bit more physical. Kaidou is also basically as weak as me (sadly), and would share a passion for hating sport. I am interested in drawing his fantasies and would happily be with him, since he is a sweet, pure, genuine person. I think I should end this here since there're more comments and questions to answer below I suppose.

He can info dump on me as whitenoise to combat my tetanus. I could Info dump back on occasion. I think it would be fun. Plus he's good with bugs.

I dont want to date him im an adult i just want to be friends with this dude thats all

I have problems

is datable meant to mean for everyone? cause this answer kinda hinges on the fact that me and him have two flavors of neurodivergence that i think would complement each other but thats just in my specific case. which is weird because im also aroace i just think wed get along?? i would give him a litol kissy on his head and then we'd go on wikipedia dates or something. i wish Akechi Touma was real because i absolutely would question my romantic/platonic attraction over him (something not a lot of people irl can claim ive done for them) But if this question means datable in the sense of like, ideal guy i would recommend to others? it would probably be Nendo. hes sweet and doesnt have as much baggage (for lack of a better word) as the others. He would treat you right and hes tall which i guess is a characteristic people are interested in, no judgement to them of course lol

Best of the Rest

Matsuzaki the Gym Teacher (24)

well matsuzaki is a nice guy and also i rewatched his introduction episode a few days ago so

another man who would treat you right

He's hard working (seemingly runs PK academy himself), cares deeply about his students, stable career

trustworthy, athletic, honorable

I wouldn't date him personally(see age), but he has good intentions

hes athletic with a stable job and idk i just get the vibe hed treat me right, y'know?

Im an introvert, he got my back

dilf. sorry the stubble and the lines under his eyes got to me.

He's cool and I like him.

you know. miss saiki close second

would NOT date him personally as i am not interested in people with DILF energy but he seems like a very good partner. go king shit.

he's neat

Respectful dude

himbo

dilf

He's cool.

look i just have issues

dilf energy

dilf

Similar reasons to Hairo; he's the most mature one and is very respectful, even if it does get lost in translation sometimes.

Id date Matsuzaki. Honestly dont know if we would be compatible but I really do like honest dudes. Remember that one time when some kids pranked him with a confession letter, and he really waited for someone to show up and rejected them kindly. Dude. I was like. Woah. That. That was genuinely so cool. That was genuinely so attractive. What the hell. I would love to date someone like that. I would also consider the mangaka, though honestly I feel like we are too similar it would almost be looking at a mirror (despite looking like complete opposites T_T). Hey maybe it would work out? But like. We could also be besties.

Kusuke Saiki (17)

Alright hes the worst and I want to study him

My taste in men is horrible

The insanity

He be psycho

Anime Kusuke, just to state. HES SO. AND FOR WHAT. thats it thats my truth

The mad scientist tm aesthetic

Brains?? rich?? idk man

He'd actually be awful to date he's just insane and I like that in a man

get married. high risk high reward. i am a lesbian though and if he was a lesbian mad scientist he would be extremely hot. but as is I'm just all about planning my divorce outfit and attempting to dodge certain death

Korosensei from Assassination Classroom (17)

I was going to choose Kusuke, because I've slowly realized that he's my blorbo, though he's trash. He's smart and I like passionate guys,,, if we could, redirect it a bit maybe. But then I saw Korosensei and all bets are off. Reaper form is hot, and as a teacher he's just so caring, and again, the passion for me.

Alien boy that likes teaching, what is there not to love?

Everyone else I either didn't know, didn't remember enough about to know if they were safe, or knew to be DEFINITELY not safe. Don't know much about Assassination Classroom, but my sister read the manga so I asked her if he was a decent person and she said yes. Asked if hanging out with him risked damage to my physical or mental health, she said as long as I was a good guy I'd be fine (and possibly benefit mental health?) so. He's probably good.

Korosensei is literally the ideal guy

Process of elimination

I uh,, I um, well, ya know ?

with or without tentacles he's still care for you and it wouldn't be as overbearing as the other options. I was originally going to choose Kusuke but I don't want to end up a lab rat

Shiragami Fudekichi (Mangaka of Silent Cyborg) (12)

I'll be honest here: I should have voted for Mr. Matsuzaki, but Fudekichi is really, really good-looking. I can be very shallow.

he's a mood

Could draw you.

Introverted artist thats says no to women objectification? Yes please. And he is a great artist and writer that even has a team of helpers and thats really impressive, u know?

hes pretty

he looks a little pathetic and i think its funny

Chono the Magician (7)

i want to roll him up into a ball and shoot hoops with him

i think itd be funny

Only one without any obvious terrible flaws preventing him, and he does seem to have both a stable job and a good amount of creativity and loyalty.

Nice dude! Has his life together!

He's sane

Kuniharu Saiki (6)

im about to embark on the greatest "i can fix him" project of all time

Kuniharu is hard-working, even if he is quiet useless. He is very loyal, and to be fair he does manage to provide for his family in the end with his shameless shoe-licking. He seems like the type to be devoted also my hands are tired. He is weak and won't be able to hurt a fly, and sweet person with questionable litterature skill. Nonetheless he is an admirable enough person, who enjoys the lovely domestic environment at his house rather than focusing on his career. Focusing on his career for money, etc would probably end at best as a normal divorce, in the workacoholic society that they live in. Thug-smile Shirigami is my scond choice. Young, successful and the best trait: he is so funny lmao. Just look at his passive aggressive doings towards Kuniharu. How could one not respect this man lmao.

There must be a reason why he bagged a baddie

he'd lick my boots 😜

idk i just picked the person i knew it's been a hot minute since i watched the ol saik

The sniper Saiki summoned (6)

he does a good job :)

snipers are hot

gun

Ike-san the Magician's Assistant (4)

He just chillin ya know

Arguably the most fuckable on this list

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ seems nice

Iguchi Takumi (the new teacher from Reawakened) (4)

my standards for men are: is not a pathetic creature or a creep

He seems nice ig, even if he looks a lil creepy he's got his heart in the right place.

Because Kuniharu is a taken man, and, though sweet, a tad pathetic. Iguchi Takumi is prejudged as a pervert every day by society and still he doesn't let it get in the way of providing the best guidance he can to his students. He is fair, not a pushover, not over strict, gives second chances and forgives children easily for the mistakes children usually make. He's patient, respectful, has never been condescending to the students, goes up and above in his dedication to his work. These are all qualities of a high quality man. He works in his true passion, and I bet he'd do his very best to maintain a healthy work/life balance if he finds someone to share his life with. His students would probably go first, but a man with such ironclad priorities is also respectable and admirable.

Rean Kuboyasu (3)

Dilf.

I like Matsuzaki and mr. Ike but rean seems to be in the healthiest marriage of the show. Him and his wife kicked ass together, taught their kid what they know, then all turned to the straight and narrow path as a family. A tattooed family man who can ride a motorcycle and saves kittens on the side of the road.

Aren gotta get it from somewhere

The Café Mami Manager (2)

He seems like a nice guy. The others are all a bit quirky for some people, especially Kuusuke, Makoto and Aren's dad

Can deal with cockroaches. A little emotionally unstable but who isn't. Plus perpetual sweets and coffee shop dates. I wouldn't mind working with him in his business or being a girlboss taking care of the bills so he can maintain his business.

Kuniharu Mannequins (2 for the price of 1) (2)

They can't backtalk

Other (2)

Kokomi Teruhashi – she’s pretty

Mr. Kaidou – Wooed Mrs Kaidou and also works a high end job.

The sumo wrestler Saiki summoned (1)

WRESTLE MEEEEE!!!

Peanuts Ueda (1)

No Votes

Makoto Teruhashi

Takahashi (classmate)

Nendo Sr

The magician Saiki summoned

#mad respect to the person who correctly stated that they'd be the only person picking Saiko #nopsi graphics #nopsi meta #saiki k #saiki no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.#sknpn #nopsi nonsense #tdlosk

188 notes · View notes

lilysdaydreams · 3 years

Text

Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→ I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two →

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

#corpse husband #corpse x reader #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fanfic #corpse fic #sykkuno #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband headcannons #corpse husband one shot #lilydaydreamsfics

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actualbird · 3 years

Note

Crawls in here once again since the week is almost over and i thought of another ask that might be fun, what r ur thoughts on nxx team at a haunted house (amusement park or otherwise www) -Marsh

ELLO, MARSH!!!! thank you so much for this ask!! answering this was so much fun :DDDD

okay so i decided to forgo amusement park haunted house bc artem already does that in SSR Loving Memories so we Know how he is in a recreational haunted house (aka rambling about SAFETY REGULATIONS why is this man like this smh) n i dont wanna be redundant SOOOO

nxx team for some reason have to go into an abandoned house that is heavily rumored to be haunted as hell. theyre on....an investigation. and they all have to be there all at once....dont think about it too much, i sure didnt HAHA

in the tradition of scooby doo, somebody suggests "let's split up, gang!" for utmost hilarity and also because a grp of five people goin thru a house like a pack of meerkats is a bit silly KJJSKGSF

so here are my proposed teams: vyn + mc + artem, luke + marius

my rationalization for these teams is because each team needs a "supernatural skeptic/person who isnt scared" to balance out the one in the team thats like "supernatural MAYBE this place is CREEPY n im A BIT SCARED do NOT JUDGE ME/im NOT scared i just HATE THIS"

vyn + mc + artem

vyn and artem are the staunch skeptics who are balancing out mc's jumpiness and mc would like it ON THE RECORD that she doesnt believe in ghosts but she gets jumpy sometimes!!! in her defense this place is CREEPY AS HELLS

so like while theyre going through rooms looking for whatever theyre looking for, vyn and artem are trying to comfort her in their own specific way

artem goes and rambles about the non-spooky explanations for all the rumors of this house, people like to go to the easiest explanation for unexplained things, though the easiest route isnt necessarily the most logical one---

vyn serenely tells mc Well, Actually the perception of supernatural quite often comes not from reality but from the outwards manifestation of a person's personal fears so it's less indicative of a place and more indicative of the person themselves---

and vyn and artem are trying to be the More Rational Person

mc, internally: (guys...i know you guys are trying....but it's NOT EXACTLY....HELPING....)

because honestly what mc needs right now isnt people telling her how her fears are absolutely nothing to worry about. what she needs is just her two friends being there for her even thru her irrational fears

eventually vyn and artem do clue into this and actually start being NOT IDIOTS about being good haunted house exploration partners but they only clue into this AFTERRRR each of them get SPOOKED AS HELL FIRST they gotta get a taste of their own medicine.

it's very funny to me that both vyn and artem have Really Good Aim (vyn with bow and arrow, artem with GUN) so when a sudden creak happens outta nowhere theyre both like O_O and then IMMEDIATELY throwing the first thing they can find at the noise

vyn throws a pen like a frigging javelin and artem just throws his wholeass phone, so much for rationality, huh, fellas?

the noise turns out to be luke and marius, stumbling upon their team, and thanks to vyn and artem's great aim, both those items hit luke hard in the face

well thats one way to get rid of mc's fear, because she bursts into a peal of giggles

but how were luke + marius doing before coming across them?

marius is DEAD FUCKING SILENT the moment the team splits up and luke is like "huh, didnt take marius for somebody who believed in ghosts" but luke doesnt bring it up because this doesnt seem like a light kind of spooked that luke would want make fun of.

like marius is pale, his breathing is shallow, his clenched fists are in his jacket pockets but luke can see that his hands are trembling

so luke fills the silence with investigation talk to get marius' mind of it, and luke is glad it works a little bit, even if marius' replies are monosyllabic. luke glances at marius and sees that the fear in his eyes has been replaced by his Thinking Gaze and great awesome

until they get to a room that is just. wayyyy fucking colder and darker than the rest of the house

and marius' fear slams back into him like a battering ram. he doesnt jerk back through the open doorway though, he just kind of stands there and luke is like "uh. you dont have to go in if youre scared---"

"i am not scared," marius grits out because come on. hes gotten over this, hasnt he? [spoilers for marius ssr in the darkness] fine, whatever, he had a bad time as a kid with cold dark places but mc had helped him get through it, back then, in the cave on nosta. surely one good experience is enough to completely erase a childhood fear that has followed him all the way to adulthood?

(no. it isnt. it helps, but sometimes it's not enough)

[spoilers for marius ssr in the darkness] back in that cave, marius admitted to mc why he was acting the way he was but he sure as hell isnt going to tell LUKE, NO SIREE, MARIUS IS FINE, marius trudges into the horrible room as he valiantly ignores just all the terrible alarm bells going off in and luke just like.

oh it's not ghosts he's scared of it's. the dark

luke doesnt exactly Know Completely what the Best Way is to comfort the other members of the team (theyre all cagey motherfuckers one way or another but hey, hes a cagey motherfucker too) but he cant like...not do anything. marius obviously doesnt want to be called out but luke wants to help anyway so he has to find a way to ground marius while also giving marius an excuse aaaaand----

luke clears his throat, extending his hand towards marius in the darkness of the room. "this place is old, the floor is uneven. i think it'll be better if we uh. held onto each other, so we dont trip up."

thank GOD THIS ROOM IS DARK because marius feels his face go a little warm but fuck it, yes, he would rlly like this, so he's like FINE and then holds luke's hand

ABSOLUTE SILENCE FROM BOTH OF THEM AFTER THIS, THEYRE JUST INVESTIGATING NOW WITH NO WORDS

but luke notices that marius' trembling hand stops shaking for a moment when luke squeezes his hand.

and they get thru their half of the house, hands linked the entire way, and they meet up with the others and luke gets projectiles thrown at his face

mc's laughter and the split second chaos is the perfect distraction to let go of luke's hand and nobody notices. nobody has to know. NOBODY

and of course they find whatever thing they were looking for KJBKJSDKFGS anyway in conclusion: the nxx team would be a disaster in a haunted house but theyve got each other's backs :D

#sorry not sorry for the vague marluke HAHA ive been a bit bonkers over them lately...#tears of themis #luke pearce #marius von hagen #Marsh!anon

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thefandomcassandra · 3 years

Note

i want to hear more about your norma thoughts. also, some norma thoughts for your consideration: maybe im reading into it but i got the impression that shes secretly desperate for validation. i think that before she joined the psychonauts she never really felt like she had anywhere to belong, and that's a big part of why she's so adamant about finding the mole bc she wants to prove herself and she doesn't want to lose her 'place' in the world, if that makes sense. (sorry if this is weird)

Okay boy, you’ve activated my trap card!!!

(Don’t worry, it’s not weird, I asked for engagement. I love engagement. Talk to me about things like this. It’s so good. Thank you. /gen)

(apologies if this isn’t as in-depth as you or I would like, I was in the middle of writing this when my goddamn computer crashed and I lost everything so this is my second time typing this up and some details might have been eaten by the void, also it is late for me and this may meander and be incoherent in places)

Oh she is absolutely desperate for validation. Like I said in my original post: I was almost like Norma. The only thing that kept me from being her was severe social anxiety. I couldn’t snitch because I was too scared of talking to people--especially adults and other people in power.

Norma strikes me as the type of person who is horribly insecure and that drives her desire for validation to the point of self-destruction. I made mention that, while Raz is trusting to the point of handing people knives to stick in his back later, Norma burns bridges when she crosses them so people can’t do that to her. She wants people to like her, but only people in power. She wants people to trust her, but only on her terms. She wants to be in a position where no one can hurt her, but she’s willing to hurt others to get there.

Even her sister.

There’s a really really good pair of fics on AO3 that got me thinking about Norma like this (Fire on Ice by PresidentStalkeyes and The Cold Shoulder by PresidentStalkeyes) and I’m not gonna lie about it. The idea that hydrokinetic (and by extension, cryokinetic because most people won’t know they’re different psychic disciplines) psychics are reviled because of Maligula is actually probably something that happened. So for the twin (coz they have to be twins) sister of an openly cryokinetic psychic, she would be, by association, as bad as if not worse than Maligula, an actual terrorist and mass-murderer.

No Psychic Protection Act will prevent mobs from forming if they feel threatened.

So Norma, judging by how she dresses--like a prep-school know-it-all--versus how Lizzie dresses--like a stereotypical psychic or a witch--probably wants to pretend in “polite” (read: non-psychic) company that she’s like them. Normal Norma and her creepy psychic sister. But Lizzie is used to being thrown under the bus so she just rolled with it. Leaned into it even.

But yeah, being so desperate for someone to need her, for anyone to say “you did a good job, we couldn’t have done this without you” is probably why Norma does what she does regarding the whole mole situation.

Imagine you want to be noticed. To stand out from your peers. And for the first time ever, you being a psychic is actually helpful instead of a problem. So you have to be the best psychic. And not just the best psychic, the best psychic spy.

You’re good at getting people to talk. You’re persistent and charismatic and you know just the right words to get people to say things they don’t mean to say--even without probing their mind with telepathy or picking up on ambient emotions with empathy--and reveal things they don’t want to reveal because you know that people, like you, are desperate for someone to listen. Then you hear there is a mole at your workplace right after some baby-faced teen gets admitted to a program you had to work your ass off to get into. He has to be the mole. He can’t be better than you--not without cheating and not without reason.

Because if he’s better than you, then you’re not worth noticing.

Because if he’s better than you, then you’re not special.

Because if he’s better than you, then why are you even here?

Anyway I think that Raz’s earnest nature genuinely is the foil for Norma’s cynicism but they share a lot of the same desire to be useful and needed and noticed. And, credit where credit is due, but @sparrowdoodles commented this in the tags of their reblog of the original post and this is a fair point I didn’t consider:

#this is interesting to think about when also examining their psychic abilities #Norma specializes in pyrokinesis #where as raz has hydrokinesis #fire and water being two element seen as related to eachother #while also being opposites! #just a fun thing I noticed

That dichotomy also is a neat little thing to think about. Norma holds on to grudges. Simmers. She keeps the embers of things close to her chest and stokes them to fuel whatever she’s pursuing at the time. Raz, on the other hand, lets things roll off him. Like water, he lets things sink through him and rides the wave past its crest.

To borrow a turn of phrase: like water off a duck’s back.

Anyway I’m certain I had more to say about this but my brain has turned to soup and brevity is the soul of wit and by god and heaven above I cannot be brief to save my goddamn life apparently lmao.

Thanks for asking. /gen

My inbox is always open for people to come ask me about characters and headcanons. I have so much to say about things all the time--like psychic specialties and what kind of treatises must have been written about psychic powers and holy fuck please ask me about Otto I love that morally grey science grandpa--and am always willing to expand upon the original thoughts. But, alas, I don’t show up in tags for some un-fucking-known reason (my running theory is I’ve been shadowbanned for years but who knows) so any engagement and numbers I do are because someone else reblogs my posts and then bam! Others do the same.

Like the Norma post.

So yeah, continue asking me about things I fucking love to talk (as seen above) and have so much to say (i.d.) and please reblog.

#the sheepy answers #the-handsome-cat #norma natividad #psychonauts 2 #character meta #please reblog #i cannot overstate how frustrating as a creator this can be #anyway #genuinely thank you for asking me this #i love to elaborate

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organic-guacamole · 3 years

Text

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #gina porter #ricky bowen #nini salazar roberts #seb mathew smith #carlos rodriguez #big red #ashlyn caswell #kourtney greene #howie my pizza king #lily hsmtmts

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maraudersbutmuggle · 3 years

Text

Summer 2012, Part 6

Check part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, and part 5.

It was the perfect day. At least Sirius had been distracted. He didn't take his shades off. Not even at night. Nobody pressured him to do so, or talk about the subject. The boys just talked about other things.

Remus noticed sometimes Sirius dozed off. Perhaps thinking about Regulus. Perhaps thinking about the consequences.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. That's all that Remus felt. He hadn't talked to his father in days. And Grant didn't have any parents. And Sirius had horrible ones. Nobody knew the reason he was kicked out. Sirius wouldn't talk about it.

And Remus would have to talk with Grant. Euphemia and Fleamont had begged Remus and Peter to stay for the rest of the summer. Promising them to take them to the train on September. Remus hoped to see Grant again. He didn't know what Grant did to Remus' feelings for Sirius. He only knew they were still there.

The Marauders were lying in the living room after dinner. Playing video games. They were tired and full. Maaike had forced Remus to eat a second plate, claiming he was too skinny for her taste.

"So..." Peter interrupted the silence "James thinks my mum is hot. Tell me you don't think that Sirius"

Sirius laughed "Oh I definitely think your mum is hot"

"I'm no longer participating in this conversation" Peter grunted

"You started it, mate" James protested.

Remus laughed.

"Remus?" Peter asked

Remus considered telling his friends about him being gay and all. They were cool with the trans thing. But there was a part of Remus that was scared of what they were going to say. And somehow, he wanted to keep Grant to himself.

"Don't worry, I'm not into mums, Wormy"

"Thank you"

"Don't worry Wormy" James sighed "I have eyes for someone else"

"Who? Moony's mum?" Sirius joked.

James threw him a pillow. Sirius laughed.

"Oh please no" Remus groaned.

"Lily... You assholes"

Remus, Sirius and Peter groaned at the same time.

"Not again" Peter covered his face with his pillow.

"Excuse me?" James protested "I haven't talked about Evans in a long time"

"Yeah because you were with Macdonald"

"And I actually fancied Mary" James explained "But lately, I can't stop thinking about Evans"

Remus understood the feeling. It had happened with the boy lying next to him. The gorgeous asshole with his stupid shades. He looked like a rockstar.

"That's great..." Peter commented "Oh yes! I killed you Moony"

Remus had been distracted staring at Sirius that he stopped defending himself in Mortal Kombat.

"Oh shit..." Remus said sarcastically "Please plan a good funeral for me"

"Never" Peter joked

"Hello?" James said "I'm currently whining about my crush"

"What can we do about it Prongs?" Sirius asked

"I think she hates me" James pouted "She hasn't spoken to me since you know..." they knew he was talking about the Snape incident. "Maybe she is right, Maybe I am a bad person"

"Woow, handsome" Sirius said "I'm gonna stop you right there. You're not bad"

James didn't look convinced.

"You're not, James" Remus added. Now very serious "You were only defending me. You all were. It was all my fault and..."

"It was all Snivellus!" Peter interrupted,

"I couldn't let that asshole say those things about you, Moony" James said "You guys are my family, okay? I could kill anyone that hurts you. As cliche and cheesy as it sounds" he rubbed his hair.

Sirius smiled for the first time in the night.

"Prongsie. You are an incredible motherfucker" he said

"No need to insult me..."

"If Evans doesn't see how awful Snape is and how amazing you are, that's her fucking problem"

Remus smiled at that. Because it was true. Even if he liked Lily.

"Yeah fuck that bitch" Peter added

James smiled, then he pouted "But fuck, she is so pretty"

The boys groaned again.

***********************

"Hey, Grant"

"Hello sweetheart. I was wondering if you choked smoking a fag or somethin'. Then I felt bad to sell those to ya. They would know it was me fault and send me to jail for killin' ya"

Remus laughed. He was bloody gonna miss Grant.

"Sorry..." he said "I had a problem with a friend. He was kicked out of his house. And I needed to check if he was okay..."

"Blimey" Grant sighed

"What?"

"You've a crush on him, don' cha sweetheart?"

Remus blushed and he thanked to be talking over the phone. Was he too obvious? Was he like an open book? Or Grant was too clever to see things?

"No..." Remus lied. But he sounded terrible.

Grant laughed on the other line.

"Of course you do"

"I have a crush on you too". Remus wanted to say. But he didn't dare.

"I guess. But it doesn't matter. He doesn't feel the same"

Of this, Remus was convinced.

"Is he from the posh school you attend?"

Remus had told Grant briefly about Hogwarts. Grant had rolled in the ground with laughter as he told him about the horses.

"Yeah. We are best friends"

Grant whistled. "Tell me more about him, sweetheart"

"Why?"

Remus was embarrassed. Haven't they been snogging practically half of the summer? Was Grant jealous of Sirius? He didn't sound like it.

"I wan' to help you with him"

Remus snorted. Sirius was just inside. Watching Effie and Maaike prepare scones. Peter had told them his recipe. And he was making his own (Peter's scones were amazing).

Remus told Grant about Sirius. It felt so nice to finally talk to someone about Sirius. How he made him feel. Remus knew Grant wouldn't judge him. So he let himself be carried away.

When Remus was done, Grant let out a long whistle.

"He sounds like a freaking prince charming, sweetheart"

Remus couldn't agree more.

"The only problem is that he is very into girls"

"Is there a possibility he swings both ways?"

"Sorry?"

Grant laughed "That he's into both, sweetheart. Boys and girls"

Remus didn't know that was a possibility for Sirius. He never thought about it.

"I don't know"

"Maybe you should try just to bloody ask, or kiss 'im. Jus' like I did with ya"

Remus laughed embarrassed.

"I'm not like you"

"Righ' you're bloody nicer"

Remus blushed.

"Soo..." Grant continued after a brief silence "Are you stayin' there all summer? Could I see your sweet ass again?"

"I'm staying all summer"

"Oh..." Grant snorted, and Remus imagined him rubbing his neck. Something Remus learned he did when he was nervous, which didn't happen often "That's alrigh' sweetheart, don' worry"

"Maybe I'll see you on Christmas' '

Unlikely possibility, since The Potters had already asked them over. But he wanted to assure Grant, Remus wanted to see him again.

"Sure, darling" Grant said. Remus pictured him grinning "Don' worry about me"

"I'll call you, so pick up" Remus warned. He tried to swallow his tears. He was already missing Grant.

"Of course" Grant said "Take care of your prince charming"

Remus smiled "I'll miss you a lot"

Grant was silent for a while.

"See you around, sweetheart"

When he hung up, Remus cried a little. But he composed himself before going back inside.

#marauders era #marauders muggle au #muggle au #james potter #remus lupin #sirius black #trans remus lupin #peter pettigrew #wolfstar #grant chapman #jily

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