#and i'd cry about having to go to work tomorrow but i cannot even find the motivation to do anything other than | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bunnakit · 6 months

Text

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #ltts meta #bunn meta #mhokday #morkday

37 notes · View notes

idontlikeem · 1 year

Text

i have some hockey-related asks, i'm going to try to get to them tomorrow. sorry guys, been a bad mental health weekend for me.

i thought maybe writing about it would help, so that's under the cut, but i'm discussing mental health stuff and a bit of food stuff so please don't click and read if you're sensitive to that, and even if you're not don't feel any obligation to click and read lol i just am complaining mostly.

as someone who's had mild clinical depression and moderate generalized anxiety for basically my whole life, it's kind of...shocking to me to sometimes pull my head up and look around and see just how badly i'm being affected by acute situational depression.

it has a different flavor and a different feel. i'm familiar with the struggle to motivate, the lack of desire to get tasks i find unpleasant done even when i know i have to do them, and the occasional bouts of like...idk just Existential Sad. i've always had that, and i've always been able to sort of stiff-upper-lip my way through it and come out feeling better after a few hours or days of feeling not so great.

this? jesus christ.

i cannot make myself get out of bed in the mornings more than a few minutes before i have to log on for work. i lose time during the work day just staring into space. i haven't taken my dog for a long walk in weeks (now part of that is due to the very extreme weather and now my fucked-up knee, but if those things hadn't happened i cannot with confidence say i'd be out there with her). i lie down and just want to...stay there.

i've always been a comfort/stress-eater. i've struggled with my weight for always, not exactly helped along with my mom's absolutely awful approach to body image and like. idk just general care and maintenance of a teenage girl's weight, this is all stuff i don't even want to get into lol, but suffice to say that i am not at my healthiest physical self and have for years sort of made myself feel better with little snacks. but now? i don't eat all day and it's like i can feel that i'm hungry, i understand that the reason my stomach hurts is because it's 4:45 pm and i haven't had anything but coffee today, but i cannot get myself to get up and go downstairs and have something. i bought protein shakes and those have been getting me through the really bad days, but even though they're the brand and flavor i like best when i'm training for long runs (koia vanilla bean and chocolate brownie btw if anyone needs recommendations), they taste like chalk and i have to force them down.

the insidious part is i think i'm doing ok. i get through a work day and maybe, like, do the dishes and say 'hey! look at me, being independent. i'm doing just fine'. and then i walk past the giant pile of stuff i've ordered to try and make myself feel better and haven't even opened. there's a pile of boxes downstairs that i cannot motivate myself to open. i go past it and i go upstairs and i lie down and that's it. the whole afternoon and evening passes and i just stare at my phone trying to keep my mind blank because if i don't i start crying and can't stop.

you can find articles out there that outside of the literal death of a spouse or child, divorce is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. and i fucking believe it. i have never felt this bad for this long in my whole entire life.

i hate feeling like this and it's been worse this weekend than since this whole fucking thing started, i think, and it's so DUMB because we actually got some good news with my mom (along with some bad but that's end-stage cancer for you), so you'd think that would pick me up and help me? you'd think i could have used these days to do some of the things i need to do, like actually putting my clothes in the dresser i finally bought? but no. i've spent basically since friday night getting out of my bed long enough to take daisy to do her business when she needs to go and use the bathroom myself, and that's...it, basically.

this is so stupid. there are so many worse things in life than this, so many people who are going through really bad shit, but all i can do is sit here and thing about how fucking worthless and thrown-away i feel. how pointless. like i'm a piece of trash that just can be discarded when someone's done using it up.

i don't even miss him. right? like i don't. he was bad for me. but holy shit.

#personal #this is so fucking whiny #i'm so angry at myself for not doing something but i CAN'T #i thought this would make me feel better but it's just made me feel even more pathetic #and i know what i should be doing but i just. can't. i can't do it! i can't do anything!

15 notes · View notes

skinni-girls-eat-books · 2 months

Text

Tuesday, April 9th, 2024!

12:45am: Studied, now taking a nap till 4am lol wish me luck!! Had delicious meatballs for dinner, had a great day, saw the solar eclipse (!) and didn't hear from old guy which was nice for once!! Tired of him calling and ruining my Mondays with his sob stories :) I'm just saying I actually had a hella productive day because I wasn't triggered before noon! Hallelujah ❤️ good night everyone I love you all :) ❤️

12:26pm: I'm so burnt out and doneeee. Also just ewwwww ick what a fucked up guy fr I had to put him in his place in order for him to treat his gf right 🤢 fucking hell I'd be so embarrassed if he posted me ever again like I think I would fr cry out of embarrassment. I want to tell her so badly but(!) that would only put bad karma on me I really don't want that, just let her find out eventually ❤️ yuck

4:41pm: I think he blocked me from messaging him, but didn't actually block me? Why are there so many different ways to ignore someone lmao I didn't even know you could do that. Sucks for him. I'm done with my pediatric kidney transplant research, 🥳 and he's not around. Kinda like he died or something. He really went with me through all the bullshit but didn't want to stick around for the end result is kinda fucking crazy and stupid tbh. Really really really crazy to think another guy is gonna get the big baller Dr. version of me, and he only got the stressed out poor broke ass weight gaining student version but whatever. It's not like I wasn't going to make it at some point. Anyway, his loss and someone else's gain 😎❤️ You would think he'd appreciate it the most, but he was too pussy to have a bad ass Dr. as a wife and just REALLY wanted to be the aLpHa MaLe and needed a lower level bitch 😬😂 The definition of self sabotage and toxic masculinity/ red pill bs. I need a confident man to match my energy and that's really some shit he was never able to do. It doesn't matter what you do for a living either I just need you to own your shit. He always wanted me to be quieter or more chill because he just wasn't shit. Every time I shined he looked like a rusty piece of junk instead of just shining with me. It's not like I wanted him to be beneath me, but he really wasn't helping himself either. Whatever. His loss is someone else's gain 🥰 Can't wait to find my partner ❤️

10:09pm: I really want to take my birth control out but I'm just gonna wait until I can call the pharmacy tomorrow because I don't know how early I can pick it up! This is killing me. I have deduced from planned parenthood (thanks!) that because I've had it in for infinity number of weeks (lol) I'm good to take it out as long as the new one goes in at 7 days or earlier if I want to try to change my start date?. The out time just cannot exceed 7 days. I want to have it out the whole 7 days this time and maybe I'll duck around with it next time trying to move it to Mondays again instead of Friday?? Idk I just need this shit to enD I remember why I skipped my period for six months straight now. I think that might be a record I haven't seen much longer than 2-3 months.

Goals: Start my period asap (safely) and get as much out as possible* I stg I'm gonna be chugging cayenne juice n vitamin C and tea and water y'all don't knoW. I want the spotting to STOP. Side note I also put bandaids on my boob acne maybe this will get under control :')

Get through this week's work and become the CritCare expert and try not to fail the last OSCE omg :') last verbal defense :')) it's all coming to an end literally.

Seriously though staying hydrated and *stress relieving* are the main goals until next weekend.

By the time the 19th rolls around (!!!) y'all aren't ready for that HYPE ASS weekend free dinner and Jesse McCartney and then the last week will be a BLUR 🤠

It's so funny because when I'm lit I know I'm not going to be thinking about him. It's not even that bad anymore. I can't imagine when the stress is 0%. I'd say I'm more fatigued than stressed atp too, like stress is about 20% and it's all to do with my period tbh, not even school. A little anxiety about APPE so maybe 25% but I'm not even really thinking about that yet either.

0 notes

spencestyles · 3 years

Text

The Other Woman

summary: spencer and meave have a toxic relationship after saving diane and the new agent doesn’t help

pairing: meave x spencer, spencer x BAU!reader

warnings: angst (lowkey), cursing, broken relationship, fluff

words: 4k+

~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since the team and I stopped Diane from killing Maeve, things were different. When I dreamed about meeting Maeve, I thought things would be perfect, we would be a match made in heaven. But after finding out important things she felt to leave out (like she was engaged), the spark was seeming to fade and just genuinely getting to know her personality. Of course our new agent wasn't any help either.

y/n y/l/n

She was different from any other girl I had met. She was smart and a great listener, she was determined to keep learning. She didn't try to outsmart me like Maeve had begun to do. Her biggest talent and asset to the team was her interrogation skills.

"Brian, I know how you are feeling," y/n said to the unsub. "You are upset your dad left you and upset that he left you with your mother."

"She was never a mother," Brian screamed. "That dirty whore didn't know her left from her right."

"The girls?" y/n asked. "Did they know their right from their left?"

"I wouldn't know, I didn't do anything to them," Brian said.

"Well I do, I looked into their background, all single mothers, husband left. They weren't dirty Brian, they were doin-"

"YES THEY WERE. They are all whores. I tried to help them, to help their children. But they were just like she was, a whore."

Since the first day she arrived, I've been enthralled by her presence. Maeve asked to move in around a month ago, I said no. She was so upset it was almost pitiful. It had been an argument that continued for weeks and was heated tonight at our at home dinner date. "Why, Spencer, why can't I move in with you?" She yelled at me.

"Because I barely know you," I yelled back, quickly calming down. "We may have been talking on the phone, but we have known each other in person for five months. I just, Meave, I'm going through a rough time at work. It wouldn't be good for you to move in right now." I made a large breath as Maeve roughly stood up from the table.

"Is there someone else?" Maeve asked. "That new agent, (wrong name), or whatever-"

"y/n"

"Like I said, whatever. Are you talking to her, is there something going on?"

"Maeve, there is nothing going on between y/n and I," I explained. "She is a new agent, she is young, she is like I was when I joined the BAU. I am just trying to help her get settled."

"Why can't JJ do that? She was young when she joined."

"Because JJ was the communications liaison then, she didn't become a profiler until two years ago."

"Whatever," Maeve said, grabbing her purse. "I'm leaving, I need to think."

Thank God

"Ok, we need to talk about this," I said. Maeve muttered something before slamming the door.

Moments like this made me question the relationship I created with Maeve. Maybe it's because I never really knew her. I knew her job and that she was smart, but I didn't know how clingy she was or bitchy and competitive. I don't blame Diane for being so upset. Why was she so upset about y/n, I mean y/n is gorgeous and smart. But she is so young, she's only 24. Tomorrow was going to be a good day, tomorrow I was finally going to make some decisions about Maeve.

Waking up the next morning felt like a chore. The sound of my phone going off was much worse than my alarm clock.

"Reid."

"Spencie, it's y/n," the angelic voice I was longing to hear was music to my ears at 3 in the morning. "We have a case, JJ called me and told me to call you. Which thinking about it is a little strange- wait that's not the point of this call. I need you to pick me up."

"Yeah I can come get you," I said rushing around. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thanks Spencie, I owe you big time."

Running around my room, I tried to pick my best outfit. y/n loved when I dressed in blue or purple, so I decided I would dress in blue this fine morning. My light blue button down and my tight navy pants, made me look a sexy professional as I would say, so would Derek (and hopefully y/n). I hated driving, but I would never tell y/n that, she is too cute when singing in the car for me to say no to her.

On my way to her apartment (which was very small and in a terrible area), I began to think about what y/n said on the call. JJ called me and told me to call you. Why wouldn't JJ just call me. I mean I do tell JJ about my problems with Maeve and my schoolboy crush on y/n, but she was so upset when I first said it.

"Maeve is literally your dream girl Spence, why are you trying to stop that? And for y/n, now I know she is smart and wow, she is hot, but Spence, she is 24. She still has a lot of growing up to do. Also, I didn't work my ass off to save Maeve for you to end things with her."

JJ was right, y/n was too young and too naive to know what she wanted. Hell, I didn't even know what I wanted. I fell for a girl over the phone and then realized she's not at all what I thought. I should have known.

Arriving at y/n's apartment building I texted her a quick 'here' before noticing her car tire had been slashed. The passenger door opened and y/n sat down handing me a large coffee in her typical reusable to-go cups. "y/n you didn't have to bring me coffee," I said.

"Spence, it's three in the morning and you are driving," you said with a straight face. "I brought you the coffee so you wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel and we would die." I laughed before taking a big swig of the drink and heading to the office.

"I saw your tire had been slashed, what happened?"

"I don't know, JJ called me so I went out to get my go-bag from the car because I left my good mug in it and I saw the tire was slashed. I have no idea how it happened or why, it's really annoying though, I just got new tires." The situation with y/n's tire was strange, I mean she lives in a complex where nearly twenty cars are out front if they aren't in the back lot. Why only her car? Maybe it was nothing special, just a coincidence.

y/n heard my phone ring and looked at the screen, "It's Maeve," showing me the screen. "Why is your girlfriend calling you at 3:30 in the morning?"

"I have no clue y/n, leave it to ring out. I'll get to her later."

This has happened before. When I drop y/n off from a case that ran late or after a night with the team. I get calls and texts from Maeve enraged. Does she honestly not understand we work together. We live less than six minutes from each other, so when we ride together it's not like either of us are going out of our way.

After spending most of the car ride singing to Taylor Swift, we arrived at Quantico and rushed to the elevators. We weren't late, but y/n liked to be early so she didn't look sweaty for the team.

"Why do you hate looking sweaty?" I asked her.

"Well, when our Unit Chief is a TOTAL dilf, I'd like to at least look nice," she said smiling. I frowned. "Kidding Spence, not totally, but I like to look nice because I am still proving my spot on this team and good hygiene is very respectable."

Of course she has a crush on Hotch, not that she has daddy issues or anything. But they are so close and the validation he gives her is a bit too much to be work appropriate. I'm honestly just so glad its not Derek she has a crush on.

"That makes sense, I'm going to call Maeve to she what she needed," I said stepping towards the conference room. "She's been calling me non stop." y/n nodded as she rubbed paper towels on her armpits.

Right as I was about to dial Maeve, her name flashed across my screen, "Hello."

"Spencer, what the hell," she screamed. "Why were you at y/n's at three in the morning."

"Maeve, tell me where I am right now," I said.

"You are at work Spencer," She answered. "But that is besides the point. Why did YOU pick her up?"

"BECAUSE WE WERE GOING TO WORK AND SHE LIVES SIX MINUTES FROM ME," I yelled, tired of her assumptions and bitchy, clingy behavior. "JJ called y/n and told her to tell me we had a case and her car's tire was slashed so she asked for a ride. There is no harm in that."

Maeve let out a large breath, "I don't want you around her anymore."

"What, I can't do that, we work together," I laughed.

"Quit," she said shortly. "Or tell Hotch that she is terrible to work with and isn't qualified for the team."

"Maeve, you are angry. I'm not quitting and y/n is very qualified at her job, Hotch wouldn't believe me."

"Then why do you help her if she's qualified?"

"I told you that last night, this conversation is over." I hung up the phone hearing her protests. I looked over and saw the team looking at me, they obviously had heard the interaction. y/n looked confused. Why was she being brought into this?

The team walked into the conference room, "Garcia, you can begin," Hotch said. Turning to me he said, "We will talk about this before we leave." I nodded. I didn't listen to Garcia presenting the case, but I looked at y/n. She looked like she had been crying, I don't know why, hopefully it wasn't me. After the presentation, Hotch gave us thirty minutes to gather ourselves before we needed to be on the jet.

He pulled me into his office, "What was that in the conference room?"

"Maeve thinks I'm cheating on her with y/n," I said. "It's not a big deal."

Hotch looked at me sternly, "Well it becomes a big deal when our newest agent tells me she should transfer because she doesn't like that she's interfering with your relationship. Now y/n cannot be transferred, she is an asset to this team and the team loves her. You need to sort your shit out with Maeve." I nodded and walked out the door over to y/n's desk where she was getting her small things together.

As soon as she saw me walking over, she began to walk away, "y/n wait."

"I'm going to see Penelope," She said, not looking at me. Even without looking directly at me, the tear stains were evident.

I looked over at JJ who had seen the whole interaction, "JJ what do I do?"

"Well Spencer, you need to either break up with Maeve or get over your crush on y/n," She said sarcastically. "In my opinion, you should break up with Maeve anyway. After hearing that phone call, I think she sounded toxic and manipulative. Give y/n some space, she just got a lot thrown at her. She thinks she's a homewrecker."

I sighed, "I know I need to end things with Maeve, but I feel so horrible."

"You feel horrible even though she treats you like that?" JJ asked, shocked.

"I just don't want her to think I led her on or I actually was cheating on her with y/n."

"You may not be cheating on her with y/n, but Spence," I looked up at her. "You like y/n, you can't deny that. y/n still is the other woman, whether its intimate or not."

JJ was right, I was about to walk up to Penelope's office when Derek reminded us we had to leave. Looking ahead, I saw y/n talking with Hotch. She looked upset and Hotch looked concerned, but when he looked over at me, he was pissed.

As we made it to the entrance of the jet, I told JJ and Derek I would meet them on the jet, wanting to talk to Hotch, "Hey, what did y/n say to you?"

"She told me this was her last case," Hotch said. "She gave Strauss resignation forms and is going to be an elementary art teacher. Now she isn't even transferring. Fix this now or you will be suspended from cases and you will be staying back and doing paperwork until I see fit. You and your relationship problems should not have led to y/n leaving the team."

To say I was shocked was an understatement. y/n was leaving the team. She was leaving because of me. Because I was so enchanted by her smile and the slight gleam in her eye.

Worst of all, she isn't even staying in the FBI. She is going to do the job she said she always wanted to do after the FBI. y/n always told me she wanted to stay in the FBI and then when it got to be too much, she wanted to teach art.

You may say I'm a terrible person for basically emotionally cheating on Maeve, but Maeve and I would never work in the long run. She may have been my back then, but she will never be my forever.

Walking onto the jet, I felt the hostile stares of my teammates. y/n sat at the corner of the jet, alone, reading her favorite book, Little Women. While the book is very boring in my opinion, I understand the appeal to y/n. A strong female lead who doesn't believe in the common standards in her time period. Much like Jo March, y/n was strong willed. She always put up a challenge to the ideas she opposed.

I unfortunately, was Theodore Lawrence in this situation. In love with Jo March, but I needed to show it to her. The only and strongest difference was that I am in a relationship.

I need to end it with Maeve.

That however, will be easier said than done. Maeve is much like Amy March: annoying, greedy, easily angered, jealous, and most of all the one that is settled for.

But no, I, Spencer Reid, will not settle for Amy, I am going to get Jo.

I was walking over to y/n when I was stopped by Rossi, "Don't make it any worse than it already is, kid." Appalled, I looked at him and then the team. Their faces all said the same thing only Rossi was able to make into words. I decided to sit not near them and not near y/n. I sat by myself and created a plan to keep y/n at the BAU.

The plan went as so:

1. Convince y/n to stay and explain relationship problems with Maeve

2. Break up with Maeve

3. Tell y/n what truly happened with Maeve (phone calls, kidnapping, and after)

4. Tell y/n feelings (and pray she feels the same)

This plan was definitely going to be easier said than done. The hardest part being breaking up with Maeve.

The case wasn't eventful and easy to figure out. The unsub was killing people who looked like his wife that left him at the altar. Not once did Hotch put me with y/n, understandably. Instead, y/n spent her time with JJ and Hotch.

I decided to not talk to anyone because I needed to devise my plan. I needed to break up with Maeve, but make sure I kept y/n out of it. That was going to be the challenge, Maeve was going to blame the break up on y/n. I decided to text Maeve a quick 'jet is landing. I'm coming over. We have things to discuss.'

I turned off my phone, knowing Maeve would start blowing it up. The jet landed and I went to begin step one, but Derek stopped me from going towards her further, "Pretty Boy, I know you want things to get right with Pretty Girl, but give her space. Just a little and sort things out with Maeve. After hearing what JJ and y/n have said about her, you should end things.

I nodded and sprinted to my car, seeing as y/n got a ride with Penelope. The ride over to Maeve's house was tense, even though I was alone. I couldn't stop thinking of the outcomes that could occur tonight.

Making it to Maeve's apartment, I kept reciting all the things I could say to her.

"I don't feel a spark anymore." Decent.

"You are a controlling bitch." Too harsh.

"I never really knew you." Getting there.

"I think we need to try new things." Fuck. I had made it to the door and I didn't know what to say without the possibility of hurting her. Breaking up with her is the only thing I can do to save my friendship with y/n. Its also the only thing I can do to save myself from this toxic mess of a relationship.

I knocked on the door and it was immediately opened by a very angry Maeve, "Spencer, finally you are here. You were taking so long I thought something may have happened, were you with y/n?"

"No Maeve, I wasn't with y/n," I sighed. "In fact we aren't even talking."

"Well that's perfect," Maeve said. "Why do you look upset about that?"

I looked at her surprised she didn't understand, "Because Maeve, she heard our fucking fight yesterday morning over the phone. She isn't talking to me because she thinks she ruined our relationship-"

"She did-"

"NO SHE DIDN'T MEAVE!" I screamed. "y/n is leaving the team because you are jealous of anyone in my life. First it was JJ, so I pushed JJ away. Then Derek, so I pushed Derek away. You have ruined all of my friendships with my coworkers and are now making work a living hell. y/n didn't ruin our relationship because it was already fucking ruined Maeve. How did you not see it?”

"What? Spence?" Maeve went to touch my arm.

I stepped away, "No Maeve, this is over. We are over. After we stopped Diane, I thought we would be perfect. But we aren't, we aren't good for each other at all. Whenever I accomplish anything at all, big or small, you fucking disregard it and talk about something you did. I am helping y/n, I like y/n. y/n is nice and she listens to my facts and she doesn't judge me for having feelings."

"Spencer, do you think I do that?" Maeve asked with a fake sweet act.

"Think? No Maeve, you do all of those things. Yesterday you told me to quit my job or tell Hotch y/n wasn't qualified. You should be supporting me. This relationship is not good for me. I am leaving, none of your stuff is at my place so you don't need to come over ever again." I quickly left the apartment, ignoring Maeve's pleas for forgiveness.

Sitting in my car, I quickly drove off to y/n's house. I needed to see her, to explain to her what had been happening.

YOUR POV

When I met Spencer, he was my mentor. Very quickly after that however, he became my best friend on the team. Since we lived so close together, it was common for us to carpool to and from work and work events.

I quickly learned about Maeve once I began to get closer with Spencer. Spencer's manipulative, psycho bitch of a girlfriend that was out to ruin my life. I had never done anything to try and involve myself in their relationship, but when they have problems it's always my fault.

After hearing Maeve and Spencer's phone call, it was a no brainer for me to leave the team. However, I knew that wasn't enough for me to get rid of the taunts I had been receiving from Maeve. And by taunts I mean she slashed my tire. I was offered a job at one of DC's most prestigious private schools to teach art and after the phone call, I decided to take it.

Now, I wasn't upset that Spencer didn't like me back. I was upset that Maeve was making him decide between us when nothing had ever happened. I thought Spencer was cute, definitely, and there were times when we were a little too touchy or flirtatious. But, I saw it as Penelope and Derek and I'm sure he did too.

I sat in Penelope's car trying to focus on the road whilst she was screaming at me, "WHY ARE YOU LEAVING? You can't leave y/n. You just got here and we like you here. Maeve and Spencer have had problems for a few months, it's not because of you. JJ and Maeve also got in a fight because he thought Spencer was too handsy with her and I've barely ever seen them touch.”

"Pen, I'm leaving because I have a great job opportunity," I tried to reason. "I was eventually going to take it, but I don't want to hurt Spencer's relationship." Penelope sighed, giving up her attempt to have me stay. We got our Wendy's before Penelope went to drop me off.

As Penelope drove up to my apartment, I noticed a figure standing in front of my house. It looked familiar.

Spencer

"Pen, so you think I can stay over tonight?" I asked.

"No, go talk to pretty boy, have him explain," Penelope responded.

I walked up to my apartment, Spencer looked at me. His face lighting up under my front porch light. He had flowers in his hands. Daisies. "Spencer, what are you doing here?"

SPENCER'S POV

"Spencer, what are you doing here?"

"If you'd let me in I think you need to know what has been happening," I said handing her the flowers.

"Okay, come in," She said grabbing the flowers and unlocking the door. "That you for the flowers."

"Daisies are your favorite," I said quietly. "You never told me, but you always said you liked the name Daisy for your daughter and I just assumed."

"You guessed correctly Spencer," y/n said putting the daisies in a jar.

I sat on her couch, the one I had sat on to watch countless episodes of Dr. Who when I needed to get away from Maeve.

"Can I explain?" I asked as she walked over with a coffee.

"Sure Spencer, but I don't think any explanation will make me stay," she answered.

I sighed, "Well you know the whole Maeve back story right?" she nodded. "Well after we saved her things were great. I was happy, so happy and so in love. But around the time I started to die down from the holy shit you just almost died phase, I began to notice all the flaws and toxic traits in her and our relationship."

y/n nodded, "And you couldn't see any of that before because you only ever talked over the phone?"

"Correct. Maeve, she is very smart. So smart that she often would say things to undermine the fact I went into the FBI and as she would say instead of something useful. At first I thought it was a harmless joke, but when she began to say things like that in front of the team, it crossed a line. When I confronted her, she accused me of lying, saying she never said anything like that. She has always been decently jealous, she was jealous of JJ and even jealous of Alex Blake. Blake's spot is the one you filled, she was like a mom to me. Now, she is jealous of you.”

y/n looked motionless, "Why is she jealous of me Spencer?"

I looked over at her nervously, "y/n we are very close right?"

"Yes, Spencer, you're like my best friend."

I nodded, "yes and Maeve didn't like that. She was very jealous of you because at one team dinner before you joined, Garcia showed us a picture of you from Instagram. When everyone saw the picture, everyone was like wow she is so pretty and you know, you are very gorgeous and I'm a bad liar so I agreed. Maeve and I got into a huge fight because of that. Ever since, she is like really jealous and then we sorta became a mentor, mentee relationship because you are so young and I was so young when I joined.”

y/n looked surprised. Did she not know the team thought that about her. However, y/n nodded, telling me to continue.

"Then I realized how close we lived and we started to carpool and hang out. This was when the aggressive texts and phone calls began. The team knew I needed to break up with her, but I didn't want to make it look like we were seeing each other, you would never like someone like me.”

y/n laughed, "She was jealous because we carpooled? Did you know she was the one that slashed my tire that morning, I got a clip of it on my Ring doorbell."

"Seriously? Sounds about right. Anyway, I broke up with her. She isn't what I want y/n. I want to be with you. And I know you might not like me and-"

y/n cut me off with a laugh, "Spencer are you serious?" I looked at her confused. "I have had a crush on you since I first met the team. I was heartbroken when I found out you had a girlfriend."

"Actually?"

"Spence, why would I lie to you?"

"Will you come back to the BAU?"

"I'll talk to Strauss, but I think if we want to do anything we should wait. I don't want people to actually think we were having an affair."

I laughed, "Definitely not. You were the other woman though. Kept me up all night thinking, dreaming. You infatuate me y/n y/l/n."

"Well I am very glad we got that done with," y/n said. "Watching you with Maeve was like watching the end of Derrick and Addison's relationship on Grey's Anatomy."

"What?"

"Never mind Spence, we will have to save this topic for another day."

—————

in light of the recent allegations against mgg, i will no longer be posting mgg content. however, mgg is not spencer reid, spencer reid is a character. please understand that at this moment i am working on a new username

* IF ANYONE HAS NEW USERNAME IDEAS PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME or i may just be changing to spencerscumslut

#spencer reid #criminal minds one shot #criminal minds oneshot #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid x reader #arron hotchner #dad!spencer reid #spencer #reid #spencer reid x meave #meave donovan

230 notes · View notes

angelsfalling16 · 2 years

Note

Prompts? 👀

"What is it about me that isn't good enough?" for Snowbaz please 🥺

Sorry it took me so long to get this!! I have felt truly uninspired recently, but when I sat down to write this today, the words just started flowing out of me. I hope you like it!

This fits in with the 20 first kisses series, and I'll add it to that and put on ao3 later after I get home from work.

***

Baz

"What is it about me that isn't good enough?" Simon asks as he stumbles into our room in the late hours of night. I absolutely was not waiting up for him to see if he returned from wherever he ran off with the Mage to. I simply had an assignment that needed to be looked over before I turned it in tomorrow.

Simon looks terrible. There are dark circles under his eyes; his clothes are ripped and stained with a mix of dirt and blood; and there are numerous cuts along his exposed skin, one of which looks like it recently began to bleed again.

This is nothing new for him, but there is something about the look on his face. The light that is always on, giving him a determined look, is gone. The life seems to have gone from him, and all that is left is this golden empty shell that is slumped against our door, staring hollowly at nothing.

I stand from my desk and take a careful step towards him.

"Snow, are you alright?"

He keeps staring for a long, quiet moment, and I don't dare to move while I wait for him to respond.

"I just don't get it." His voice is barely above a whisper. "Nothing I do is ever good enough. All I'm good for is going off and blowing things up, but I can't even do that right."

Tears start to brim in his eyes, and I start to reach for him, stupidly thinking that I can comfort him, but I stop myself, worried that if I touch him, he will completely fall apart. I have never seen him like this.

"I have never been enough for anyone," he continues, his voice even quite now. If not for my vampire-enhanced hearing, I might not have even heard him. "My parents didn't event want me. Why would anyone else want me? I'll never be good enough for anyone." He ends on a sob, and the tears start to fall from his eyes, streaming down his face. He doesn't move to wipe them away. He just keeps staring blankly, like he isn't really looking at anything in the room.

I cannot begin to even imagine what happened to him tonight. He has gone on a lot of missions for the Mage, but none of them have caused him this much emotional pain. None of them have left him broken and crying in our room.

I don't know how to help him - or if I even can - but I have to do something.

I move closer to him, but I'm not sure that he notices that I'm in the room or registers the touch of my hand oh shoulder.

"Simon," I say gently. He turns his head towards me, but it's like he doesn't actually see me. "You are enough. You are more than enough."

"No, I'm not. No one cares about me."

I sigh and grit my teeth. Who the he'll did this to him? Who made him think that his life wasn't worth anything? If I ever find out, I will kill them.

"I care. I know it might not seem like, and I know that have never given you a reason to believe me, but I need you to know that you are enough for me."

His eyes seem to slowly come into while I'm talking, and as his eyes meet mine, I can see a glimpse of the light coming back, barely there but enough to give me hope that he can come back from whatever this is.

I slide my hand up from his shoulder to his neck, pausing briefly to feel his racing pulse, then up to his cheek. Simon leans into my touch and let's his eyes fall shut. If he was in his right mind, he wouldn't be trusting me like this. He never would have let me lay a hand on him without trying to at least fight me off.

"Baz," he whispers.

Matching him in volume, I say, "Snow."

He opens his eyes, and this time when he looks at me, even more of the light I'd back. "You called me Simon before."

I shake my head at him but feel the corner of my mouth start to pull up.

"I meant want I said. I care about you, Simon."

He opens his mouth like he wants to argue but seems to change his mind and closes it again.

Careful to move slowly so as not to scare him off, I take another step towards him so that I can wrap my arm around him so that I can pull him closer, hugging him. I hold him gently, trying to show him without words that I truly do care for him. His legs seem to buckle, and I catch him, then lower us to the ground together so that I'm kneeling and he's half sitting in my lap, just letting me hold him.

I'm not sure how long we sit like that, but I can feel sleep about to pull me under when Simon sits up pulling away from me.

He doesn't say anything so I reach out to comb my fingers through his hair, simply because I can. Because he's letting me. The strands of his hair slip through my fingers like rays of sunlight, similar to the light that seems to be growing brighter in his eyes as he looks up at me.

"Simon," I whisper, my voice full of adoration.

"Baz," he replies, sitting up and wrapping his arms around my neck. He's holding me close, and I barely dare to breathe, not wanting to disturb this moment.

His eyes wander my face then stop at my mouth. I want to kiss him. I want to find a million ways to show him how deeply I care for him, and right now I want to do that by kissing him.

"Simon," I repeat, only this time it's more of a question.

He brings his eyes back up to mine and nods.

I smile at him briefly before closing the distance between us and pressing my lips to his.

His lips are warm and sweet and a little smoky, and as I press him to him, he presses back. He parts his lips against mine and deepens the kiss. I hold him tighter, and his warmth envelops me. Simon's embrace feels like a patch of sun shining in through a window, warming me up without burning me.

I'm still not sure what's going on with him, but with this one simple kiss, I have hope that he will let me help him get through it.

#asks #ask game #i started and discarded like 4 other versions of this fic #this was i definitely my fav #snowbaz #snowbaz fic #simon snow #baz pitch #carry on #rainbow rowell #the simon snow series #my writing #i added a cut #and im sorry for any mistakes #i wrote this while at work today #and made zero edits

35 notes · View notes

ray-green-wicked4good · 2 years

Note

Three days to go! If you were a 3rd class passenger on Snowpiercer and you could choose any three characters to be your bunkmates for the 7 year journey to New Eden, who would they be and why?

Alright, so first of all I love this ask and second of all I have been agonizing over it all day. But I have finally gotten over my existential crisis (well...mostly) about whether my potential bunkmates would find me annoying and messy and whether that might lead to my favorite characters actually despising me. And I think I'm ready to make a definitive decision! (well...mostly definitive. I may wake up tomorrow regretting my choices.)

So, my 3rd class chain would include:

#3 Santiago

My reason for choosing him? Well, if he were in the Chains with me, he would no longer be dead. So there! Also, he was very sweet and caring to his grandmother, which means he might be more forgiving all the times I burn our food or forget to do the laundry. He also was a rebel soldier, so he has strong beliefs and is willing to sacrifice for his friends. I feel like we have that in common, and I would try to be as supportive a friend as possible. Plus, he just seems like a cat person. Which is important because we would have my two cats living with us. (This is coincidentally why I decided against considering Ben...seems more like a dog person)

#2 Jinju Seong

Now look, I realize I'd be asking a lot of her, to leave behind her second class cabin to come slum it with me and Santi in the Chains. But I'm sure that after the events of season 1--like that horrific near-derailment over Terreta Canyon (which she spent alone), almost losing her best friend (something she went to great lengths to prevent), and then the overall upheaval and chaos following the regime change--she might actually be looking for a change and fresh start. Jinju's work with the Aquarium car would make her the perfect roommate for us, because Santi and I are both fascinated by the ocean (though, I admit, I am also terrified of it) and I feel like we could spend hours just asking her questions about the creatures she cares for, what it's all like and what she's most excited to restart in New Eden. She could also introduce us to amazing new foods that we wouldn't normally have access to in the Chains (and I envision lots of fun nights baking with Mamma Grande too, which would just add to the fun). I personally am not a fan of yoga (I'd probably sneak a book in and like...cut a square in my mat to read between miserable fails at the different poses) but maybe it would be good for Santi, to help him relax more and forget those years in the Tail. Jinju might also be super stressed trying to balance diets and things still in Ag-Sec, so I would try to help her as much as I could, even if it's just making sure there's a cup of steaming tea waiting for her when she gets home or letting her pick the music we listen to while we cook. Jinju has also been depicted as super loyal (and like, anytime she wants to invite her bestie Melanie over I AM GAME) and forward thinking. I feel like we could talk about books and hopes for the future, maybe not so much pre-freeze stuff, but maybe Santi's experiences could sway some of her sterner, pragmatic opinions about how we go about saving the world. Also, she's coming out of a hurtful breakup! I live for this drama!!! We can eat ice cream and cry about it upside down on the couch! Girls nights! (This is not to say I can give any helpful, meaningful advice. I absolutely cannot. But I can listen! And gasp dramatically. And tell her she's a Queen! Who should fight for her love! Who deserves love! And appreciation!)

# 1 Miles and Miles

So despite what the TNT bios say, I think we can all agree that Layton's fatherly feelings and protection all pretty much expired once the revolution ended--or rather, they were transferred to the baby he is going to be having with Zarah. And for whatever reason, neither Layton nor Josie seemed to give much thought about Miles when they implemented Alex's plan to break the train. So as far as we know, Miles was left somewhere in Third anyway. Which is why I would choose to wrap him up in a blanket and bring him home where Jinju and Santi and I can take care of him. Miles was already apprenticing as an engineer and even helping with life-systems, so I'm sure he and Jinju would have loads to talk about. Science. Building New Eden. Etc. While Santi would have known Miles from the Tail and they would probably have plenty of inside jokes and Tail stories to share with the rest of us. My cat named Pirate is very calm and loves to cuddle, so his new assignment would be to love on Miles as much as possible. And I would encourage Miles's artistic interests. In Third, we could get access to a piano I'm sure, and he could wow us all with his Rachmaninoff that he memorized over seven years. We would play and sing, even if it doesn't sound good to anyone else. We would read books every night. (Or math problems if that's what he prefers. But Jinju or bestie Melanie might have to help with that) And have game nights on Friday nights. We would all pull together to try to let Miles be a kid (as much as one can on the train). And because of how loyal, protective, and caring my roommates and I are, I feel confident we could protect Miles from anything the train throws at us. And hugs. We would give him all the hugs!

#snowpiercer #snowpiercer asks #thanks for the ask!

6 notes · View notes

rpmemesbyarat · 3 years

Conversation

RP Meme Lines from "AHS: Coven" Episode 10: "The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks"

Drink this, it'll calm your nerves.

I'll cast a little spell for you.

I'm ashamed to show you my weakness.

I might have shed a tear or two myself if I'd lost everyone I had.

I'm over 300 years old.

Everyone I done ever met done followed after the Grim Reaper.

I taught myself long ago not to waste tears for the dead.

It's your kindness that has touched my soul.

I feel like I've been alone for so long, it's a relief to have found an equal. Even if that person come in the guise of an enemy.

We have so much to talk about. But not tonight.

Tomorrow we'll draw the battle lines.

Wake up. Your master calls.

Tonight's the night you pay me my due.

Not now. Please.

It's been a hard day.

Hard days deserve a harder night.

You drink my torment like wine.

Why you here in the house of your enemy?

I've come to seek a lasting truce.

I want what's coming to me.

It's the bargain you made so long ago.

You'll have to come back during visiting hours.

Mama's had a hard day.

Put the baby down on the ground and step away from it.

Don't mess with me.

I need this baby.

Put the goddamn baby down. Now!

I warned you.

I'll give you something to cry about.

He was determined to be a hero.

I should've seen it.

It's on me.

Ooh, he hated your ass.

You were my sworn enemy.

You hired him to kill me?

You're not just blind, you are willfully blind.

We don't have to waste our time with worker bees, what we have to do is to find the hive.

What a lovely shawl.

You keep your distance.

I know your game, lady.

Don't bother.

I've surrounded myself with the white spirit light to protect me.

I've already made plans on how to bring myself back.

Well, now why would I want to hurt you?

You can keep your powers.

I don't think you fully appreciate the power of the throne.

You are going to know the world, and what's more they are all going to want to know you.

You owe me five bucks.

Well, that was a morbid field trip.

You're not his type.

I know everything about you.

Did I get the shawl twirl right?

I want to get it right.

Perfect. It was perfect.

My powers are growing.

I can do mind control.

Put out that cigarette.

Now stick it in your vagina.

It was clearly my destiny to die and be reborn, just like our Lord and Savior.

Important men get their pictures taken.

We have to be smart about this.

They pray to one god-- a green, merciless god.

You're tainted.

You let them get inside your head.

We can fight about this for the next ten years, but right now I want to help you.

Don't you understand anything?

You can't help me.

You can't help anyone.

You're worthless, hopeless.

Get out of my sight.

Bring them to me in a weakened state.

She's selfish and she's a whore.

I didn't realize this before, but we can't survive on our own.

You don't have a mean bone in your body.

Maybe you're the kind of leader we need.

I want to say good-bye.

What is that hideous smell?

Clear all the bad spirits out of here.

It's not evil intentions that's making me sick.

We still got work to do.

What has she done to you?

I found love for the first time, and it's given me the passion to keep fighting.

You know the secret.

I don't think you're ready for that.

Tell me your secret.

I thought I was the shit back then.

I had just come into my prime, and my magic was strong.

I was pregnant, and I did not accept the idea of death.

I was invincible.

I come to you once a year, and you give me what I want.

I thought he meant some kind of sexual favors.

I wished for it; it came true.

Unknowingly, I made a deal forged in Hell.

You'd make a beautiful mother.

Children ain't in the cards for you.

Not my baby.

Take it back.

Take the spell back.

I can be mortal again.

Give the child to me.

I want my innocent soul.

What does he want?

Try and get some sleep now.

Just close your eyes and forget about that for now.

This kabob's some kind of tasty.

Thanks for treating.

Pretty soon, you'll be drowning in merch.

Merchandise. Swag. The cookies. You know.

You are cynical.

Everything's transactional.

Guy buys you dinner, he expects a blow job. Welcome to earth.

Players only love you when they're playing.

No, I know what you're trying to do. Mess me up, make me doubt myself.

You think I'm stupid because of where I came from.

Well, I'm not so easily bought, and I ain't that easily fooled.

You're right. I do think you're stupid.

You want to change my opinion?

Enchant these guys, would you?

You're powerful.

I'm powerful.

I don't need you.

I just want to be your friend.

Now lose that ugly shawl.

Stupid bitch.

Where's his body?

I think it's time for us to go.

She has to pay!

You have to be cleansed.

Could you please stop playing for a minute?

I need to focus.

Listen to the celestial tones.

What is that thing? It's hideous and weird.

Don't be a hater, dear.

I cannot tell you how playing this instrument soothes my soul in tempestuous times.

Nothing could soothe my soul.

You buck up, is what you do!

Face reality headlong and carry on.

I have no one, and my powers are gone.

Your salad dressing is absolutely magical.

Maybe you could bottle it.

You've got a lovely personality, and you're always well-groomed.

Are you trying to push me over the edge?

Between us chickens, no matter how hard I worked at it, I never felt special, either.

Look at me, I'm fabulous!

One never knows what the universe has in store for us!

I am an absolute failure.

I don't belong here anymore. I don't belong anywhere!

Vultures are waiting to strip the flesh from our bones.

You get our people on the phone.

Nobody is coming near us.

There's nothing natural about this.

It's time we finally deal with those witches.

You broke out the good stuff.

I don't want to die.

I am not the same as everyone.

I don't give a wet donkey's shit about your title.

I want terms defined.

The deal is off.

You have no soul.

Bum luck, baby.

I'll get my immortality.

I have no soul.

I'll just kill 'em all.

You always hear something.

You stole this baby to kill it.

You don't know what you talking about.

Eat my shit.

Now we'll have more cops on our trail.

Whose baby is that?

You have blood on your hands.

I barely remember my baby's face.

Stop making such a fuss.

I was very clear. No substitutions.

Be a sport.

Do I have to wear this outfit for all eternity?

Anywhere is better than here.

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #roleplay starters #ahs #ahs coven

21 notes · View notes

urujiako · 3 years

Note

hey jia this ask is going to be really long but i just want to tell you that i am here for you no matter what, even though i'm just a friend on the internet- hearing what you've said breaks my heart. i can't say i know exactly how you feel because i'm not you and i will never be in that exact situation, but i will say that i've walked through some rough patches in life before as well, and i want you to know that in the end, there is clarity; and in the end, things will be okay.

it's easy to find ourselves in difficult situations. that's how life is, i guess; one moment we are full of joy and feel as if we're living our best life, the next moment it seems as if everything can come crashing down all at once. and sometimes it's very, very hard to understand why we get stuck in situations that are seemingly impossible to get out of; sometimes it's difficult to wrap our heads around why we, out of all people, we who try our best to be kind and loving, have to experience the heart-wrenching pains of life.

and i just want you to know you're not alone. you are loved, even if it may not be the kind of love that is ideal to feel in these kind of situations. you're loved by me, and all of us here who appreciate you so, so much. i say this truthfully and honestly that you are one of the friendliest people i've met online and irl combined; the first time i saw you in my notifications i was overjoyed because i'd seen how you interacted with my other mutuals, and you were so full of love and i instantly felt comfortable.

but your compassion and care for the people around you is evident, whether it be us or those you know in real life. and i know how difficult it can be when you feel as if the emotions (and possibly future) of someone you care about is in your hands, it can feel like a heavy burden, even if that's not how we want it to feel- but it's okay, it's okay to acknowledge that. and it's okay to take care of yourself, and leave space for you, because at the end of the day you are the most important, you should be the most important. and even though it sounds self-centered, we can only care for others when we care about ourselves first. it's okay to not always be positive and radiating energy to everyone, because sometimes you need to be cared for too. you deserve just as much as you give.

i know it's a lot harder said than done. but know that pain is always temporary, and there is always relief to be found, there is always happiness along the way. and it's okay to feel down, it's okay to feel lost sometimes.

and i know this isn't what comforts everyone, but perhaps knowing you're christian i'll leave you with something that often guides me and gives me peace.

God will guide you through life, even when you feel as if you're unable to escape. He will never put you in a situation which you cannot handle. and maybe the way of "handling" the situation is out of your comfort zone, maybe the experiences you go through will hurt. sometimes people and things come and go in our lives for reasons we may never fully understand until we look back on them in hindsight. inevitably, we will go through difficulties in life that change us, and we won't know at first whether it's for better or for worse. but either way, they shape who we are, and i don't think that you should ever be ashamed of who you are. because you're wonderful. and believe in yourself; even if you may feel unfit to "suit" a certain role, whether it be in someone else's life or in your own, just know that you are worthy, and you are strong.

and know that everything will be okay.

i hope the troubles ease soon, and that aside from all the loving and beautiful humans on this earth, God will always love you, too, and he is always watching over you.

sarah.

(this is a bit long, so full msg under the cut!)

this post made me so unbelievably happy. you should have seen the smile on my face TuT genuinely cried, this was such a sweet ask! i love you so much – thank you for making my day a little brighter!

firstly; yes. i'm here for you too, my love! my dms are always open when you want to talk. <3

secondly; i love that. there will be clarity – this whole phrase is just so comforting :") this is true, everything will work out for the best one day. it may not be today, nor tomorrow, nor next week – it'll happen one day.

thirdly; yeah, def! life fluctuates so much its really disappointing but change is the only constant ig haish. even if it is really painful at times. comfort zones are called comfort zones for a reason :""")

fourth; sarah, this part just made me cry. i love you so much. this was genuinely what i hoped this blog would be – a safe shelter with warm food and blankets that just.. radiates a space of love, you know? part of being a christian is also advocating for love to each other :") i'm so happy you feel this way about my blog. this means so so much to me. i'm so happy that you're comfortable around me, it means a lot. i love you dearly, sarah <3

fifth; this hit hard. this is exactly whats going through rn. and it sucks ass. i don't think it's self centered to love yourself first – thats basic human decency XD you're absolutely right, my dear.

sixth; pain truly is only temporary. <3 this is such a lovely reminder honestly.

seventh; this makes me so happy. thank you for the words of encouragement – of peace, of comfort, of assurance. this was beautifully written and i'm so glad that it was for me! He will always be there to ground me when i float too high, and i think that's truly something worth living for. my anchor, my hope. thank you for this sweet message!

sarah, i love you. you've been the absolute sweetest since day 1 and i genuinely cannot imagine not having you in my life. you've been such a big blessing and inspiration (all glory to Him!) in my life and i'm so happy that God put us on these crossed paths! i love you so much, have the most wonderful day/night.

mega big hugs from me. mwah. xx

#sarah the moot <3 #this whole message made me tear up ngl #this was so sweet...#sarah ily #i don't think any amt of words can truly express my gratitude. i love u

5 notes · View notes

jlalafics · 4 years

Note

Hello, you're an amazing writer! I truly enjoyed all of your stories! Recently I really liked the Two Kids universe. I don't know if you planned to write more of it but if you did i'd be really happy to read it :) Maybe after the birth of toastbabiy number 2 and the Hayhanna baby too ( i have a soft spot for this ship), when the kids are still babies or toddlers ( or even children)... Thank you for all the great stories you make! (sorry for my english, it's not my first langage ;)

First off, thank you so much for the compliment! I’m flattered and I’m so glad that you enjoyed Two Kids and the follow-up.

Since I’m kind of loving this universe at the moment, I thought I’d finish it off with a little follow-up.

I hope you enjoy! Happy Reading!

Summary: In which Katniss and Peeta become the mentors. A follow-up to “Two Kids” and this story.

“Diaper.”

Peeta reaches over to the basket holding the diapers before tossing one at me. I catch it easily before looking down at Abner or Abie—our four-month-old—and give him a bright smile. Abie wriggles on his changing table, but I easily slip the diaper under his used one, wipe him, then switch out the soiled diaper for a clean one.

Wrapping the dirty diaper, I toss it to Peeta who catches it with ease before throwing it into the wastebasket.

“Daddy!”

Jack, our three year old, is awake.

“His plate is already on the table. Remember—”

“Toast cut into squares, no crust, and jelly on every corner,” Peeta finishes for me.

He grabs the cloth wrap on the nursery’s dresser and helps me wrap it on my center as I finish dressing Abie. I crisscross the ends as I put Abie into position before placing him into the pocket of the wrap. Peeta tightens the wrap to create support under our son’s legs before tying the ends at my waist.

I give Peeta a grateful smile and lean to give him a kiss—

“Daddy!”

“I owe you,” he says before rushing out the door.

“As soon as we get downstairs, I’ll feed you,” I tell Abie. “Which boob do you want today? Left, or right?”

“Right is my particular favorite.” Peeta walks into the room with Jack in his arms. “Jack wanted to say good morning to Abie.”

Jack, sweet boy he is, presses a kiss to the top of his little brother’s head. “Abie…”

I take in this moment of calmness; this is what Peeta and I fought for and what others died for.

These small pockets of life where it is just perfect.

Then, a shrill cry from across the way breaks through the peace of our household.

Peeta and I look to one another.

Lulu is awake.

++++++

We step into the Abernathy home, walking over a pile of clothes at the front door as we follow the crying. There’s an overwhelming smell of powder in the air and, as we move forward, one of Haymitch’s geese dashes pass us.

I walk into the sitting room and find Johanna rocking Lulu in her arms, hair askew…and topless. Peeta covers Jack’s eyes before turning away.

I approach her carefully. “Johanna?”

She looks up at us, stare full of exhaustion. “Lulu’s not eating! I keep trying, but she just won’t latch.” Her mouth begins to tremble. “What if she hates the taste of my milk?”

I join her on the couch. “I’m sure that your milk is just fine. Where is Haymitch?”

“I don’t know.” Her eyes remain on the wailing baby. “Probably snuck out in the middle of the night. I don’t blame him.”

Haymitch suddenly stumbles in and for a moment, I think he’s drunk.

He’s not. He’s just exhausted.

“Spilled baby powder last night, Lulu almost fell off the table…so many diapers…had to clean up the nursery…”

Sitting on the couch, Haymitch sits back, practically falling asleep against me.

Standing up, I go to Peeta. “They need help.”

Named after Johanna’s mother, Louisa—or Lulu as she is affectionately known—is just shy of two months old. She was born on a winter evening sporting Haymitch’s thick dark locks and Johanna’s penetrating eyes—a perfect combination.

Haymitch and Johanna insisted on not needing anyone to help them, both so use to taking care of themselves. However, they’ve both failed to realize that they are no longer solo, they are now a couple—at least, I think they are—and parents.

“But they said that they didn’t need our help,” Peeta responds.

“Yeah, that flew out the window when we both got a good look at Johanna’s breasts,” I tell him, and he colors. “Don’t act like you didn’t see them. I’m not mad—they’re hard not to look at.”

Peeta looks to me. “I do prefer your breasts.”

“I know you do, but we’re going off topic.” I turn to the two on the couch; Johanna is currently letting Lulu suck on her finger like a pacifier, looking dazed. Haymitch has slid down to the floor, his head on couch seat. “They have to learn to be a team.”

“When did you become Effie?” Peeta jokes.

“Someone has to be,” I reply resolutely. “You handle Haymitch. I’ll take Johanna.”

“Deal,” Peeta responds. He puts Jack down and smiles at our son. “Why don’t we help Haymitch and Johanna clean up? Then make them lunch?”

Jack pumps his fist excitedly. “Yeah!”

“First mission—let’s find a broom.”

Peeta takes Jack’s hand and they head to the back of the house in search of cleaning supplies.

After making sure Abie is okay, he is resting contentedly against my chest, I go to Johanna.

“Johanna…” She turns to me. “What happened to your shirt?”

“Milk soaked through and there are no clean clothes,” she explains. “Lulu hates my boobs; she keeps turning her head.” Her eyes fill and it twists my inside seeing her in despair. “I’m a bad mother.”

“You’re a new mother,” I tell her gently. “Why don’t we go upstairs and find you a shirt? Lulu seems to be calming down.”

“That’s a trick.” Johanna stands, wobbling slightly. “She pretends to be quiet, but as soon as my defenses are down and I’m about to sleep—she pounces!” Her eyes go to the girl staring up at her with Haymitch’s greys. “She really is my kid.”

++++++

The nursery is a wreck, despite Haymitch’s claim of cleaning up; Johanna explains that Lulu has gotten wriggly during diaper changes. In an attempt to diaper her without her falling off the table, Haymitch somehow spilled powder everywhere. Haymitch’s large footprints in the powder are tracked all over the floor.

“Peeta can teach him how to diaper her quickly,” I assure her.

Going to Johanna, who is sitting in the rocking chair, I take Lulu into my arms and cradle her next to Abie, who is snoozing contentedly in his sac. She seems to ease in my son’s calmness, settling in my arms.

I show Johanna how to slip a clean diaper under Lulu’s dirty one before cleaning her up and closing the diaper. I easily pull the dirty diaper out from under the baby then close it before throwing it in their wastebasket.

It takes less than a minute.

“I never get it done that fast,” Johanna says miserably. “I’m always afraid that it’s too tight or too loose. I don’t know why I can’t seem to get this right.”

“You’re going to make mistakes.” I place Lulu back in her arms. “But you learn from them. In the end, Lulu will only feel the love that you have for her.”

“I hope so, because I’m feel like I’m fucking up.” Her words come out in a tight whisper. “Sometimes, I think that this was all a big mistake.” She looks to me. “Is that wrong to say?”

“No.” I give her a smile. “We all have days like that.” Lulu begins to fuss, and I can see her lips pursing. “She’s hungry.” I grab a nearby pillow and place it on Johanna’s lap. “Use this to support Lulu so you can work on positioning her.”

Johanna nods, placing Lulu lengthwise on the cushion. She moves the semi-clean shirt off and adjusts Lulu’s head, close to her breast.

“Use your other hand and guide your nipple near her lips,” I instruct.

Johanna follows what I say, and I breathe a sigh of relief when Lulu quickly takes hold and begins to suckle.

“She’s eating,” Johanna exhales in happiness, relaxing into her seat. “Thank goodness.” She closes her eyes. “I was wrong. I do need help.”

“It took awhile to learn that I wasn’t alone,” I tell her. “In time, you’ll see that it becomes less scary to let people inside.”

Johanna opens her eyes, full of unshed tears. “Thank you.”

“I know you’re hormonal and will probably deny that you even said that later on.” I smile watching her caressing Lulu’s hair tenderly. “But I appreciate it.”

While Johanna continues feeding, I clean up what I can and then restock diapers and wipes in their appropriate places. Then, at my insistence, I tell Johanna to take a shower after I take Lulu.

“I’ll sit here,” I assure her. “Go while she’s in her food coma.”

When she is gone, I look at Lulu in her bassinet and smile seeing the best of both Haymitch and Johanna.

This one is going to be a warrior.

“You’re a lucky girl, Lulu.”

++++++

“So, you have the stew for tonight,” Peeta tells me. “Tomorrow, I can come by and show you how to make a roast and I’ll bring rolls. Also, I can make lactation cookies for Johanna. Just remember to keep her hydrated.”

I feel my head spinning at Peeta’s words. After showing me how to quickly diaper my child, the boy—man—wrote out a menu for the week and a list of groceries I am to get. Johanna and I cannot live on canned food alone, especially when he tells me how a good diet will help in Lulu’s feedings.

It is not easy for me when it comes to changes; I lived on schedules for awhile because they helped me from not thinking about the past. Before Katniss and Peeta, I lived on alcohol and drowning my pain in drunken slumbers.

However, that was when it was just me.

Now, there are three of us—and I can’t help but feel like I’m fucking it all up.

Johanna looks tired. Still beautiful, but tired, nonetheless. I feel helpless when I see her struggle with our Lulu, but I am also just as clueless.

However, for them, I will do what it takes—even if it means cooking lessons with the boy with the bread.

“I got it,” I assure him. Peeta nods, going back to checking on the stew. “I think I’m messing up.”

Peeta turns to me. “You’re not. You two are just finding your rhythm. We’re all survivalists. Maybe not me; I always seem to need Katniss in one way or another. I do know that it does take awhile to become a team—to stop being a you and becoming an us.”

Jack rushes back into the room, sitting on my lap and gives me a bright smile. “Goosey’s fed.”

“Thank you for helping, Jack,” I say and kiss the top of his head. “You’re going to have to help me out. I’m still learning to be a good dad.”

“You were always a good dad, Haymitch,” Peeta tells me. “After all, you practically raised me and Katniss.”

I manage to chuckle. “I’m not sure if it that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

I’ll never admit that they are a good thing. They happened when I needed them the most.

However, Johanna and Lulu—they are the best things in my life.

++++++

“I may not always love you

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you…”

Lulu stares up at me with those large doe eyes and something squeezes in my chest. Before Abie and Lulu, I always kind of scoffed seeing the way Katniss’ eyes lit up whenever she was around Jack.

But now, seeing Lulu looking at me, trying to smile as I sing causes something to stir inside.

It’s this hopeless devotion to her—and I gladly allow myself to love her. Love her enough for the family that was never able to meet her, both on my side and Haymitch’s.

“I didn’t know you were a singer.”

I find Haymitch leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and grinning at us.

“I’m not, but it seems to calm her down,” I tell him.

“Lunch is ready,” he informs me. “You need to eat.”

“I know, but I’m not ready to leave her just yet.”

Haymitch joins us, looking down at this little ham of a girl. “Wow. We made her.”

I chuckle. “Pretty cool of us.”

“We have to be better for her,” he says suddenly. “Better than we were for ourselves.”

“Yes. I agree.” Lulu’s eyes begin to flutter. “There are no Hunger Games and I’m not in the Capitol whoring my way through Snow’s elite. Sometimes I forget—or just become afraid that it will happen again.”

Haymitch puts an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.

“We wouldn’t let that happen,” he assures me. “All of Victors, the ones that are alive, will never let anything like that happen. If it did, I would protect you and Lulu.”

“We will protect each other.”

Haymitch’s eyes warm at my words and in one breath, he kisses me gently.

“I almost forgot what that felt like,” I say as we pull apart.

He smirks. “You should be kissed more often.”

“That’s how Lulu happened.”

“True.” He rests back against the wall behind us. “We’re going to get through all this. One day, she’s going to be running circles around us and we’re going to miss her just like this.”

“Hopefully, I get my body back by then,” I snort. “I feel like I’m nothing but tits and milk.”

Haymitch eyes my chest. “Not like I don’t appreciate a full pair, but you just look uncomfortable.”

“Nobody informed me about the wonders of a breast pump. Katniss is having her mother send one here. Maybe then I won’t feel like my primary function is milk machine and I can actually get some rest.”

For a moment, we sit in content silence. Never in my life did I think I would be a mother. However, Lulu is here, real and a fresh as can be, smelling like hope and freedom. She is all things that are good about me, the parts of me that I never even thought I had.

And, she’s all mine.

My hand fits into Haymitch’s and he gives me a gentle smile.

He is mine.

“You know what the most annoying part about all of this?” Haymitch says suddenly and I raise a brow in question. “We’re getting advice from Katniss and Peeta.”

“Yeah, that’s really irritating,” I retort. “The worst part is that most of their advice is valid.”

Haymitch snorts. “Maybe for them. We’ll come up with our own ways.”

I yawn, resting back against him. “In time.”

Soon, we sleep.

++++++

Peeta turns to me, Abie is his arms.

“I don’t think we need to check on them.”

Jack rushes up to Haymitch’s door, knocking loudly. “Hay-me! Jo!”

“It’s too late now.” I join our son on the porch. “Jack has already created all kind of ruckus.”

However, I am surprised when no one comes to the door. Twisting the knob, the door opens easily; not surprising as we’ve never bothered to lock our doors.

“Hello?” I call out.

The sitting room is still in pristine condition from earlier. Peeta sets off into the kitchen to look in.

“No one is there,” he tells me.

Jack rushes up the stairs in search of Haymitch and Johanna and I scramble up behind him; he’s only started to master stairs. He toddles to the nursery, peeking in, before running the opposite way to Haymitch’s room.

“Mama, yook!” He points into the open doorway of Haymitch’s room.

“Please don’t be naked…” I whisper, crossing my fingers, before joining him and taking a breath before looking in.

Johanna and Haymitch are fast asleep, in-between them is a snoozing Lulu, arms up over her head.

I struggle to hide my laugh as Haymitch is sleeping the exact same way.

Picking Jack up, I put my index finger to my lips.

“It’s nap time for them so we have to be very quiet.”

Jack nods in agreement, wrapping his arms around my neck.

We go down the stairs, finding Peeta and Abie waiting for us.

I give them both a smile. “They’re asleep.”

Together, we head out the front door and head down the steps toward our home.

Peeta lets out a sigh of relief. “Maybe now we can get a decent night’s sleep.”

Then, Abie lets out a wail.

FIN.

Lulu’s actual name, Louisa, means “renowned warrior” while Abner (Abie) means “father of light”. Their names feel appropriate for having Victor parents.

Song:

“God Only Knows”—The Beach Boys

#anon #reply #Two Kids #Everlark #Hayhanna #Post-Mockingjay #toastbabies #non toastbabies #fluff

78 notes · View notes

silverdriftdragon · 4 years

Text

Forevermore

1500 words of DimiAshe fluff that slapped me in the face and stole my lunch money! :D

P.S. for those of you still waiting on requests, I apologize. I have not forgotten about you, just trying to fight writers block! Thank you for being patient with me

You can also read this on Ao3!

(I'll put a read more here when I'm on computer cause I can't get it to work on mobile!)

Ashe leaned on the balcony railing with a sigh, staring out across the still bustling streets of Fhirdiad. The place was so busy, even on a cold night like tonight… But this was nothing new. The cities in the Kingdom were always like this, especially the capital. Once upon a time down in the Gaspard region… He had to use the constant business to hide his acts of theft. It wasn't something he was proud of by any means… But he was only doing what he had to for he and his siblings to survive. A far cry from now, living in the palace in Fhirdiad, everything he could ever want or need handed to him on a silver platter. It was a bit overwhelming really… In fact, it didn't even feel real. Could someone like him really be-

"Ashe?"

The sound of his name made him jump slightly, snapping him out of his haze of self-doubt as he turned to face the source of that very familiar voice that he loved so much. "Ah… Your Majesty I-" He stopped and cleared his throat, shuffling on his feet as he realized his mistake. "Sorry. I guess I'm still not used to it…" Much to his relief, the king just chuckled and walked over to join him, shaking his head.

"We have been together for nearly two years, Ashe." Dimitri teased as he came to rest his hand on the railing.

"I-I know. Two very wonderful years! But… I guess it's just…" He trailed off, looking back out across the city.

"It's just what?" There was no reply, which told Dimitri everything he needed to know. He heaved a sort of sad sigh, looking down at his hands. "I see… This again."

"I'm sorry, Dimitri… I-I didn't mean-" Ashe started in a mild panic, turning toward the king. However, when Dimitri turned toward him and placed his hands on Ashe's shoulder… Ashe got quiet. The somewhat hurt look on Dimitri's made his chest tighten up and he wanted to apologize more, but he forced himself to stay quiet.

"Ashe, my beloved, it wounds me that you seem to think yourself unworthy of being here, being with me, just because of your past and the circumstances of your birth." His voice wavered some as he spoke, almost as if he were trying to to tear up. "What must I do to ease your mind? I want you to feel as happy to be here as your being here makes me…"

"No no no, I'm sorry. I'm very happy to be here. I am. Being here with you over the past two years have been some of the happiest days of my life in fact! But I… Am I allowed to be this happy? I'm nothing special, a commoner turned thief who just happened to wander into the right house one night…"

"Well… I'd argue that if I'm allowed to be king after all the atrocities I committed during the war, then something so small by comparison should not disallow you to be happy." The king gave a sort of sheepish chuckle. He was glad that Ashe didn't seem to have an argument and started to pull him into a hug when a biting northern wind swept by, causing the smaller man shiver. With a small smile, he let go and undid the clasps that held the heavy cloak he wore in place, walking around behind Ashe to drape it across his shoulders.

"Th-thank you…" Ashe mumbled, a content sigh sneaking out as he instantly snuggled into the warmth of it. A thought crossed his mind though that made him glance quickly back at the King, a slightly worried look to his face. "Oh! But won't you get cold, Dimitri?"

"I'll be alright as long as you will let me hold you close." He assured softly, chuckling as he wrapped his arms tightly around a now slightly flustered Ashe and resting his chin atop the shorter man's head. Silence fell between them for a moment as they stared out into the night, content to just be in each other's company until Dimitri spoke up again. "It's funny actually… After everything I did… I often wonder the same as you."

"Hmm?" Ashe looked up ever so slightly, peering up at Dimitri the best he could. "What do you mean?"

"Whether or not I'm allowed to be so happy." He began, his gaze fixed on nothing in particular. "I mean really… Am I worthy of this crown? Of the friends who stuck by me even in my darkest days? Am I truly worthy of you, a partner whose warmth and kindness is truly unmatched… Often I have asked myself these questions and more. Over and over again until I can think of nothing else. Though it's usually about that time that you come in and suddenly it's as if I have not a care in the world!"

Ashe gave a small, almost nervous chuckle, pink dusting his cheeks. "I'm glad to hear it. To know that I can quiet your mind like that…" the rest of the sentence seemed to fade into the aether as a warm, giddy feeling filled his chest. He didn't even notice when one of Dimitri's arms moved away.

"Hey, Ashe. I… Have something I need to ask."

This time, Ashe tilted his head back as much as he could so he could look up at his king, curious by the sudden nervous quality to his tone. "What is it? You know you can ask me anything at all!"

"Well…" Dimitri stopped, taking a deep breath to ground himself before leaning in to place a soft kiss on Ashe's cheek. While his partner was distracted with it, he moved his other arm back out in front of them. In his hand, a clearly custom made ring, simple but stunning. "Forgive me for springing this on you so suddenly but…"

Ashe looked forward and gasped, pulling away from Dimitri so he could turn and look him in the face. "Y-Your Maje- S-sorry! I-I-" He stopped to clear his throat quickly, a blush so deep across his cheek that it almost hid his freckles. "Di-Dimitri?!" His voice cracked some from shock, the look on his face matching.

Dimitri just gave him a shy, but loving smile, reaching to take one of his partner's small hands into his own as he took a knee. "Apologies. Allow me to do this properly." Another deep breath to soothe his nerves and try to tame the excitement that caused his voice to tremble. "As a king...and as a wretch who claimed countless lives...I will build a Kingdom where the people can live in peace. I wish to change this world in my own way, one small step at a time. But… I know I cannot do this alone. That is why I want to ask you to… To walk beside me as I make this long and arduous journey. I love you and there is no one I would rather have at my side. So I must ask… Ashe, would you do me the great honor of standing with me as my husband, now and forevermore?"

Ashe was in total disbelief, shocked into silence. Here he was, a common born former thief, standing before the Savior King of Fodlan, who just got down on his knee and asked him of all people to marry him.

"Please, I beg of you… Say something. Your silence is… Distressing." Dimitri pleaded after a few moments. "I-If you do not wish it just say so. I will face the truth and walk away…"

"Nonono please… I just…" He finally let out a small shakey laugh and shook his head, looking back to Dimitri with tears in his eyes. "Sorry, I'm… I'm kind of giddy. This doesn't feel real. To go from a life of stealing on the streets, to marrying a wonderful person like you… I'm struggling to even find the right words to say."

"So… You mean to say that…?" There was a raise in tone towards the end, hopefulness written all over his face.

"Y-yes! Of course, I… I love you too, Dimitri… and I want nothing more than to be with you for the rest of my life." In what seemed like a single fluid motion, Dimitri slid the ring on Ashe's hand and sprung up, scooping up his now fiance in a tight hug. Ashe let out a squeak of surprise, but eventually melted happily into the embrace. Except… There was one small problem. "Too tight…"

"Sorry! Sorry…" Dimitri sat him back down and let go, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "I got carried away."

"Quite alright." There was a pause between them as yet another rush of winter air tore through. Ashe clung tighter to Dimitri's cloak, trying to block out the wind.

"Come, let us go inside. I would hate for you to catch a cold…"

"Says the one without a coat!"

Dimitri laughed and held out his hand. "Fair enough. Shall we?" When Ashe took hold, he smiled, bringing the hand to his lips for a small kiss before leading him back inside. Tomorrow, their engagement would be announced and the country would be in a delighted uproar… But for tonight? Tonight they would take the time to enjoy the calm before the storm.

#fire emblem: three houses #fe3h #dimiashe #dimitri #ashe #ashe ubert #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fluff #yay silver wrote something #silver writes

51 notes · View notes

shi-daisy · 4 years

Text

New Beginnings

Hello again my fellow shippers! Today's day three of Ulquihime week and I'm not gonna lie, this theme was giving me a bit of trouble, since I had an idea for it but used it last year with another prompt. So instead I just made a sort of sequel to that particular entry. If you don't want to go back and read that one I'll just give you a mini summary here.

Basically this is a canon divergent AU in which Orihime dosen't marry Ichigo and runs away from the wedding when she finds out he's not truly in love with her. After her escape she reunited with Ulquiorra and he helped calm her down. That's where the first prompt ended. So here's what would happen after. Hope you all like!

@ulquihimeweek

Ulquihime Week- Day 3- Reunion/Caught

New Beginnings

"Ulquiorra, you've been glued to that phone for almost three hours now. Please stop before you go blind." Halibel chided him.

"Leave him be Hali, he's still waiting for pet-sama to reply," Nnoitra told her. The comment earned him a cushion to the face, courtesy of Zommari.

"All of you be quiet! I am not waiting for a reply. Orihime answered already."

"Would ya look at that, Ulquiorra's finally getting some!"

Once he silenced Nnoitra with cushions Ulquiorra went back to the chat. It had been almost a month since he last saw Orihime.

After she ran away from her wedding and they met by chance, he had allowed her to spend the night in his house. The next day one of her friends came to pick her up, and the redhead promised to keep in touch with him. He hadn't seen her personally since, but they messaged each other very often. Last week however, the messages had abruptly stoped, and he'd gotten worried.

Today those worries ended, as Orihime not only wrote to him but she asked to meet him in a cafe tomorrow.

"She says she's got a surprise. Should that be concerning?"

Halibel was standing nearby. She chuckled at the question. "Not really. I'm sure she's just happy to finally see you. From what you tell me, the girl needed comfort desperately."

"I'm still enraged at Kurosaki for what he did. A part of me wants to get revenge."

"That's not gonna be possible. Unless you want to get smashed against the wall again." His friend replied sarcastically.

"A small price to pay, but the woman told me not to get in 'trouble' for her sake. So I won't interfere unless she asks."

"Good. It's nice to know someone in this house isn't a reckless moron." The green-eyed blonde glared at Nnoitra, who rolled his eyes.

"I only tried to fight a cop one time!"

Ulquiorra decided to ignore the bickering and concentrate on hid phone. Being a human might've gotten easier, but not dealing with his old comrades.

***

"Now remember, be nice, let her speak but don't stay too quiet, and for the love of all that's good just ask her out properly."

Halibel and Szayel had been helping him get ready for the meeting. Ulquiorra was still nervous, but he hoped for the best.

"You two are going to ruin his chances of scoring. He looks like he came out of a band Tesla likes."

"Says the man who looks like the lovechild of a sewer goblin and Slenderman." Szayel didn't even turn to look at Nnoitra as he finished brushing Ulquiorra's hair'. "Done! Now the princess won't take her eyes off of you."

"Thank you Szayel, thank you Halibel."

"At your service!"

"I'll get going then, I want to be early for our meeting."

"Just make sure that if you bring the cutie home, you put a sock in the door."

Ulquiorra ignored Nnoitra's comment. Letting Szayel deal with him.

"I'm beginning to understand why I am the only one with a boyfriend here," Szayel commented. "You need an intervention, Jirga."

"Me? You're the one dating Starrk!"

As the bickering began Ulquiorra headed for the door and waved goodbye to Halibel.

The cafe was near his house, and from what he could see it was not too busy. Orihime's hadn't arrived yet. He picked a table and was ready to sit down, until he noticed someone skating right towards him.

"Watch out!"

He recognized Orihime's voice, and caught her before she could crash into him.

"Orihime?"

"Hi Ulquiorra! It's been a while. You look great!"

When she smiled Ulquiorra went speechless. He recovered quickly, and let her sit with him.

"I take it you work here?"

"Yes. My friend Riruka is the manager and I've been working here for a week now. That's why it took me a bit to reply, sorry if you were worried."

"Don't apologize. I'm glad you've found a job you like. The uniform suits you as well."

"Really? I didn't think black was my color."

"To be fair, you look good in any clothes."

Orihime blushed from the compliment. "Thank you. So, what have you been up to? Are the others still around?"

He sighed. "Regrettably so, Cyan and Tesla moved out a while ago, and if Starrk proposes to Szayel soon then it's likely they'll move out as well."

Orihime giggled. "I know they drive you mad sometimes but I'd love to live in house that lively."

"Tell me that after you spent a week with Nnoitra as a roommate. Speaking of which, are you still rooming with Arisawa-san?"

"Not exactly, Tatsuki-chan is traveling due to competitions, but she did leave me the apartment. Once I get a place of my own I'll move out, being on Karakura it's a little draining."

He knew what she referred to, it was clear in her voice. Ulquiorra found it hard to hide his rage, still, he managed to calm down.

"You know that if you cannot stand to stay in Karakura any longer, you're more than welcome to stay with me."

"I know, and I'm incredibly grateful for that. But when I finally settle in Naruki, I want it to be on my own. I can't keep depending on others forever. Besides, you dealt with enough of my crying, that night, already."

Yes, that fateful night when they met again. It was supposed to be her wedding that to the man she loved, and instead, all she could do was cry.

And yet, a part of him was happy things turned out the way they did. That he got to see her again, and even establish a friendship. 'But at what cost? This isn't what she wanted and you know it.'

"Ulquiorra? Are you ok?"

Orihime must've noticed his change in mood, so he hid it away yet again. "I'm fine."

"You're thinking about the day we met again, aren't you?"

"My apologies. You probably don't even want to think about that night but I can't seem to let it go.

It's selfish of me to be happy about this when you lost the man you loved."

Orihime put her hand over his. "Ulquiorra, you're not the only one who's happy things turned out this way.

I did love Ichigo, and I was fully ready to marry him, I gave up college and internships to stay in Karakura with him, but he burned that away in just a moment. I refuse to be the one grieving.

He's the one who lost out on a devoted loving wife. Let him carry the grief if he has any at all.

I'm immensely happy to have gotten out when I did. My life's not going to be wasted on a loveless marriage, and I'm happy that you're a part of my new life. So don't be angry on my behalf."

Ulquiorra smiled. "I've always known you were a strong woman, but this is far more than I expected. You've grown a lot Orihime. You should be proud."

"Thank you. It’s nice to know that someone thinks of me as such.” Orihime smiled. “Now, let’s go onto more cheerful matters. I got you a gift! Here!"

She handed him a small dark blue box, Ulquiorra opened it to find a replica of the bracelet he had given her when they were enemies, only this bracelet was made to fit him.

"Do you like it? It's not real silver but it matches the one I have. So we can both wear them at the same time."

In the past six years he'd been a human Ulquiorra never felt moved to cry, until now. "I shall treasure it forever. Thank you." He immediately put it on, the bracelet was a perfect fit. "Now, I'll be the one to spoil you for a while."

***

The evening only had so many hours, but he intended to make good use of them all. After having a nice dinner at the cafe, he took Orihime to the movies. It was about a SciFi story he had yet to read, but seeing how happy Orihime was while watching he knew he made the right choice. After that he let her pick the activity.

"We could go skating. Would you like that?"

"I have no problems with that, but aren't you tired of skating at work?"

"Not really, I love doing it. Besides it's different when you skate carrying food and when you do it with a partner."

"Alright then, let's go to the skate park."

Relief washed over him when the park was almost empty. Truth to be told Ulquiorra wasn't proficient at any sport, including skating.

While Orihime was busy putting on her skates, he went over to nearby post and got a bouquet of hibiscus flowers.

When he got back she was done with her skates and had tied her orange hair into pigtails. He thought she looked even cuter.

"Here. I thought it would be fair to get you a gift as well." Ulquiorra handed her the bouquet.

Orihime was almost gentle when holding the flowers. She took a deep breath, enjoying the secent. "They're gorgeous, thank you. How did you know this was my favorite flower?"

"They're the flower on your headpins."

"True. I like that you always notice things like that. It's one of your best traits."

That made him flustered. It didn't matter how much time they spent together he would never get used to Orihime's cute compliments.

Once the the two were ready they headed for the track and began skating. His balance wasn't the best but thankfully he didn't slip.

"Ulquiorra."

"Yes?"

"Thanks for tonight. It's been the most fun I've had in a while."

She gave him a kiss on the cheek, that almost made him fall. Orihime held on tightly to him.

"Caught ya!" she chuckled. "You don't skate much, do you?"

"Busted. I rarely do anything sporty. Although that's likely to change."

"Really?"

"Yes. If I am going to be spending time with you, I'll learn in no time."

"Are you asking me out?"

"I am. Would you accept this invitation?"

"Yes, absolutely."

#uhweek2019 #Ulquihime #orihime x ulquiorra #orihime inoue #ulquiorra schiffer #Reunion AU

12 notes · View notes

dyker-farmer · 4 years

Text

More bro fic.... angst fodder kind content.

Take that can away if you can

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event- not 10, jesus-, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

I also put it on Ao3.

[[MORE]]

A bitch bastard man and a bitch walk into a room... Chapter 1/2/3/4

"I think we should talk about this."

If the room was stifled before, this just causes the pin to drop, and the relative lull to shatter with it. I don't want a storm, but we can't pretend the sea's a slightly oversized pond if we want him not drowning in it- again, my mind supplies, unhelpful.

He's zoning out again, blurry eyes pointedly off me, preferring the turned-off TV.

Let's start easy. "Why did you come here, Shane?"

"I-I-" It sounds like an excuse building up and it bubbles out like a shaken can, "I don't- I shouldn't have-" he goes to up and leave, and we just can't have that.

I scrape my chair closer and grab his shoulder, same as before. Hopefully it's more placating than caging. "No, you should have. You did good. Seeking out, remember?"

He doesn't answer but stills.

"Like Dr.Campbell and Harvey said." I try again.

"Yeah… Yeah." Deep breathing. "I. Don't know." He searches for my face, not quite past the nose. I nod, ushering him on. "It's. Stupid." I frown and my eyebrow goes higher than before and he immediately doubles down. "I know- positiv' reinforchment and all that shit! But… It's hard." A tired hand wipes the most of moisture off his face, before it goes back to wriggle with the other on his lap. "It's so fuckin' hard. Didn't even last two seasons!-"

I cut him off. "Two seasons is a lot! One and a half too. Last time, you'd tried to go cold turkey on the spot. We know what that got us." Sea foam in the mouth and a shared cold in the early spring, on top of a Joja lawsuit. "Shit's hard, like you said. You lasted one and a half this time. Next time-"

"Why the fuck do you always think there's gonna be a next time."

This time, I still. My laidback demeanor mirror his, but so does the cold anger creeping in and tensing both our backs.

"Because. There is going to be a next time. And another after that. And another. Same way there's been next times before this one now."

What's left unsaid we don't touch.

All irritation floods from him like it's just pointless to keep it in anymore, and his forehead goes to thunk softly against the wooden surface he leaned on before. The table muffles his next words a little.

"I can't… keep doing that." I don't peep. "I can't keep rolling back down and then up and down, and up, and down. I- I just can't, Garcia- Uidel-"

"I'll drag you there." I shrug.

"But you shouldn't have to!" His voice raises and make the boards vibrate where his skin's still pressed. "You shouldn't have to-to fuckin'-" he sniffles, the following words drowned out in held-back sobs. "Fuck damn it, you- I said I- I wouldn't be a burden anymore!"

He's crying out loud now, open sorrow and no walls left. Out of all the things you could stick on the not-so amiable man sulking straight from bed to Jojamart to Stardrop Saloon to bed, you probably wouldn't think of "extreme scare of bothering anyone". Yet it's all here in how he collapses silently in the mattress, wake without a sound, keep his head down the whole time he crosses town, tries to merge himself in the fake-nice blue of the shelves at work, then corners himself right between the chimney and the bar on Emily's side, stuck in-between two sources of warmth that can never touch him unless he swings one way or the other. And he doesn't a lot, still keeping to himself strictly. You probably wouldn't think either of how dreamy he gets, hidden in his alcove but seeing everything from there.

When Harvey nerds out about classical, jazz and electro swing music down the bar to me, trying to catch me up on my fuzzy memories of arts history and the implications of breaking codes in the tempo and the leisure of each instruments; of how each note gets a specific response from the brain if done right, and can make up for caffeine deprivation in miraculous ways, when there are no more chances to push back the dread of midterms season at doctor school.

When Elliott, boisterous and drunk, arm-on-arm with an equally inebriated Leah, calls out to the whole place to hear out his latest soliloquy, and drags on the words too much, but with a voice that carries it well, all flamboyance and no limits, as his hair floats around him in a crown and he reigns over the room like a kind lion- Description all intoxicated words from your chicken man truly, not mine. I always get too caught up in the pendulum of Leah's braid and her crooked smile to quite appreciate his theatrics. But the recital rings clear, and everyone applauds the performance- because hey, you applaud a drunk guy showing off the prowess of not tripping a single word in a ten minutes tirade, but also because it really is that good! Everyone, even Shane, whose hands zipped to under his armpits the moment our eyes crossed and I met his pink cheeks with a clairvoyant smile.

Hey, what can I say. Dude's a sapiosexual. Hence why we'll never and cannot bang. That, and, uh, the being lesbian thing.

But all this is closed off and not for anyone to see behind see-through fogged windows, like those kitchen cabinets, when you can make out the piled plates all resting against the cold surface precariously, bound to crash and shatter the moment you open them.

It took a good wrecking ball of a fake-oblivious polite faced stranger and my incessant, hot pepper poppers-powered pestering, to even just crackles the glass.

The rest was all done out of his own volition. He can't see that because alcohol is a depressant, and guzzling it down leads to blurry concepts made softer always and pretty much lush in brain, and when he's off the thing, and that's rare, he instantly goes from not there to thinking he's everywhere, soiling everything and giving nothing.

His sobbing doesn't relent, and he whimpers issues of "trustworthy sack of shit", "not being worth the fucking shrink's money", "not being worth his aunt's troubles", "not being worth Jas". At some point he goes to grapple with his hair, and tugs brusquely once, then twice, then I have to reach for his wrist to make him stop, which he snatches back as soon as I make contact. But he doesn't grab anything to pull or pinch or punch again, so that's good. I stay on standby beside him, but don't touch him. He rasps more condemnations, struggles to breathe enough through the phlegm spreading in his respiratory system, and I start reenacting the steps to stop a hyperventilation in my head, and the first aid for choking, when he begins to cough violently, his entire frame upset with the movement.

He takes the tissue box i nudge with insistence toward him, and ends up spitting mouthfuls of mucus mixed with some bile in the basin under his feet. Most of it is clear and smells of fruits, not beer, so I'm not too worried. When I go to stabilize him by taking his shoulders, he grasps at my wrists to stop me- but let them stay here, while he clings. The tremors get to me now, and I remind myself that this is good, this is before the cliffs and him finding refuge to burst open, not glassily stare at the weeping clouds as he blabbers on the meaninglessness of his life.

This is… very alive.

I ought to be glad.

I let him come down at his rhythm, counting the pulses of his wrists as I feel mine numb with the blood circulation slowed down under his hold.

When he's back with a mind, I count to three, then let go. His arms flop back down, on his lap and hands dangling between his tighs. He blows his nose again.

"I'm so pathetic…"

"Yeah sure, and I'm a serial prom queen."

Instead of jabbing back and forth, we get interrupted by a soft mewling. Both of us turn to the door, that's opened slightly to let in Eryza, the pitter-patter of her paws on the stone flooring the only sound for a moment…

As we both stare in revulsion at her jaw, a single line of vomit dripping of it.

Shane puts his head down in shame, not even having the strenght to hide further.

"Sorry."

"Nah, 's okay. She's already trash, anyway."

Eryza edges closer and rapidly tour around our legs- going back to Shane's feet twice, her whiskers tickling his exposed ankles. Purring loudly, she completely ignore my chastizing as I threaten to make her diet periwinkle-based to counter-act her literal potty mouth, and she scampers to do who-knows-what in the rooms.

"Your vibes are rancid, do you hear me?? Rancid, girl!" I call after her. "I swear to Yoba, Shane, your aunt might as well have brought me a raccoon."

Turning back to him, I can see the short-lived humor of the situation was, well, short-lived. I sigh.

It's late. We're both tired. Tomorrow is sunday. It's cool. We've got time.

I don't sit back down right away. First, I put a hand down on the nape of his neck, that slides to the top of his scalp, right where he'd tug. My quota, remember?

He sniffles some, a few teardrops make their way to the planks, unheard. We stay like this for a moment.

He doesn't shake me off, but in the slow tandem his body takes, rocking lightly from back to forth, I can tell it's enough, for now.

I sit back down on my chair.

I lean on the hand I'd put in his dark purple strands before, smelling cedar wood and pine trees. I don't assume. My farm has plenty of those to stumble through. And even if he went back to the cliff, another time again. I do that too. With my own cliffs back at not-home, but close. There's a sense, in staring down what couldn't take you.

Like visiting a scene crime that you've narrowly escaped from. And pride too. And the thrill of asking- "what if again? What if this time?"- and okay, I can see why it'd be worrying to have him go there a thrice time on his own late in the evening.

But last time was fine, the one before was made fine, and he might need a bitch for a friend right now, but not a watchdog.

His forehead is back against the table.

Three fingers massage my temple. I don't know how much he'll even remember tomorrow, but it's worth the try, always.

"Shane, dude, look at me." He doesn't.

"Dude."

Still doesn't budge. I knock the wood lightly.

"Yo, punk, my eyes are up here." I joke.

He snorts, or maybe he sniffles, and his chin's now resting on the table, peering through the forgotten drinks to watch me. His hands are hidden, probably still clutching his midsection. If I went on a rollercoaster toasted, I'd probably look the exact same.

"I told you before that you literally couldn't be a burden."

He snorts for sure this time, derisive. I knock wood again. "Don't look away from me when I talk, young man. Rude ass punk."

"Bitch." He throws.

"Bitch bastard man." I send back. "Anyways, as I was saying. If I choose you're my dumb of ass to keep around, that's me, that's my decision. You can't burden me if I choose the hard mode package and roll with it. So stop it. I literally told you before, it's not about you not making efforts or burdening people, it's about people who want to deal with you, out of free will."

"Freaky."

"Oh shut up, you dramatic himbo wannabe."

"A what now?"

"Internet slang. Gotta admit you're closer to a dad bod type, but the energy's here, according to many."

He shuffles, self-conscious. "Y'don't need to remind me…"

"Oh hush you, you're perfectly fine. And Elliott would eat his dumb little lobster and pomegranate toasts off that belly if you'd grow out of your own shell and let him."

He sputters unintelligibly, red as a fecking pepper. Good. Flustered is better than self-depreciating.

But now he's pulled on his hood and the strings all the way out, and resumes to chanting me to fuck off, so that might be a good call for a break.

"I'm gonna change and clean up, you need anything? Do you think you'll go back to the ranch, or stay here for the night?" It's happened before, but you can count them on the fingers of one hand.

A long silence follows and I allow myself a quick look in the mirror. Yeah, we're skipping a shower tonight, but the simple hairbrush will not do. I look like a bird's nest that the birds fought in to know who'd keep the children when bird 2 takes off and bird 1 is left to mourn the empty space that'll never fill up the same again and the good times that won't be- wow, trauma lane much, not now, cowpal. First we buckle up our current rodeo. I walk back to the main room, now pajama-clad.

"I've got the beds for the possible kids up there, don't ask me why Robin put so many there, we're two people in a house, and I can lend you a Tee if you want."

He's anxious, chewing his thumb. "Emily won't mind?"

"She's out, sleeping at Haley's tonight. Girls' night and sisters catching up. It's important for her energy flow and karmic balance. Plus, you know she wouldn't mind, she likes you."

That makes him blush more, covering up the alcohol damage enough. I take note, but don't comment. Things for later. They pile up tonight.

"I- I can't go back to the ranch like this."

"You could. Marnie knows better than act as if you're doing this for fun, now. She'd have to understand. But you don't have to." I reassure him when agitated pupils jump up to me. Let's keep that ongoing panic attack at bay. "Either way, I won't mind."

I sit back. Stretch my arms between us. Catch his worrying hands into mine. Give him a squeeze. Tense appendages don't squeeze back, but don't pull back either. That's half a win. He stops torturing the poor things, and unfold with visible effort, like a crumpled up paper flower put on water. His head shakes, and I can't tell if it's conscious, him speaking with himself or trying to shake off a thought, or just a reflex. He visibly forces his shoulders to relax.

"I'm… not bothering you?" Righteous. Seeking vocal positive reinforcement, like a pro.

"Nope." I pop out the 'p'.

"... I think I'll, uh, stay for tonight."

My hands shoot into the air. "Woo! Sleepover, baby!"

I don't catch his hands curling back on themselves, trying to capture that leftover warmth in the late summer night.

--- to be continued.

#panic attack cw #emetophobia cw #alcohol cw #suicide cw #stardew valley shane #stardew valley farmer #sdv shane #sdv farmer #☆writing☆#1!Dow Farm #Farmer Uidelsib #♧Shane

5 notes · View notes

tardis-sapphics · 5 years

Note

Thought I'd take a chance and throw out a Thasmin prompt. an accident involving a teleport and the TARDIS freaky fridayish but they have access to each other feelings and memories 😁

okay i know you wanted something funny but i’m really i’ve gone full throttle angst. i hope that’s alright lol. thank you for the prompt, i’ve had a lot of fun playing around with this!

this is going to be a four-parter, and this is the first bit. i’ll post the second bit when i get home from travelling, and the other two parts should be ready by tomorrow or saturday. as always, they’ll be up on ao3 soon, too, but in that case they’ll be a two-parter. keep a look-out for updates on here and on ao3!

i’d also recommend listening to this song during it. i know it’s for broadchurch but it’s the right mood ok

as always, below the cut.

Every step is a beckoning. It doesn’t help them.

Lately, Yaz has found herself wondering about how deadinside the action heroes are on the films back home. Eyebrows furrowed, deadthin lines for mouths, every limb fluid only to run, to jump, to pull a trigger.

How do they not cry? How do they not bluster and fluster andfall? Why don’t they grip onto each other when the going gets tough – reallytough?

Ryan and Graham have each cried three times in the lasthour. They’re the bravest men Yaz knows.

(Films are a lie.)

Explosions and gunshots are a constant shock to the systemfor a trio not brought up in war. Their deafening nearer, louder. Yaz hassqueezed the Doctor’s hand more times she can count. Even after all they’vewitnessed together, after seeing all the bodies that have littered theirjourney through this planet, Yaz finds refuge in the Doctor. Every time. Shehas held on tightly that she is at risk of melding their bones together; butthen, at least, there would be less flesh to locate, to target, to shoot.

Sight, not sound, betrays them. Every step is a beckoning,so they do their best to float. Silent breaths flee in bewildered spirals: everythingpained to be anything but reluctant.

Yaz can see goosebumps on her forearm, the sleeve of herhoodie only pushed back to prevent any more bloodstains. She will not groan forfear of discovery. Winces are all impassion. She has too much passion.

At least the Doctor’s hand is warm in hers. Hood up,grey-white and spoiled red against the rust red rock, she leads the way; theymust follow the ripped coattails, so sure on this trembling planet.

‘She’s got to be around here somewhere,’ she mutters, almostmerely mouths. More to herself or to her friends, there is no indication.

Time is the first victim that war’s first bullet claims. Wardevours history – arrogant, starved – and feasts on futures for dessert. Thisplace lost time long ago; it is up to them to find it.

Madness.

A shot, then a snarl. Must be a foot soldier, prowling. ‘Sniffout the fear and find the traitors,’ they’d heard all around them. Yaz isterrified that fear will fail them, but it wafts off them in waves. Every stepinto the unknown is a beckoning. Every step is a step into ending.

The Doctor dives behind the nearest free-standing rock and slamsherself into it; they obediently press themselves against its jaggedness andpray to gods they do or don’t believe in.

They do not breathe.

There is no point in breathing.

‘Breathing is death; all is death,’ so the saying goes here.If they are to achieve the impossible – to defy all – then something as obviousas breathing would be a fool’s mistake.

Unfortunately, breathing is generally essential forsurvival, and Yaz can feel her lungs bursting with the effort to contain thecarbon dioxide building up.

Graham is going red as the rock that might save him.

A vein has started bulging in Ryan’s neck.

The Doctor is fine.

The soldier marches on, the two-beat rhythm quieting. Untilthe only rhythms they hear are their own accelerated heartbeats.

Exhalation has never been sweeter. Or more silent. Yaz feelsfuzzy and everything looks the same sort of red. The Doctor is fine. She helpsYaz to her feet and her gentle grip, slender fingers on the hook of Yaz’selbow, is central to everything.

‘You’re doing amazing,’ the Doctor whispers, hazel-greenpiercing into Yaz amongst the burnt blaze.

The words are so close that Yaz almost inhales them. Shestutters in her breath. Doesn’t want to let go, even though it doesn’t help herworldly disorientation. She nods, somehow.

The Doctor switches her attention to the two men, andgestures to them manically. ‘Come on, we’ve got to keep going,’ she adds, andthis, too, is more a shape than a sentence.

They move on.

Steps beckon.

The Doctor’s hand trails from Yaz’s elbow, via the undersideof the woman’s arm, to her hand, and squeezes. Yaz is shaking off herunworldliness but that touch still feels the most important thing.

One squeeze against countless. The inside pounding seems tobe in harmony with the relentless outside world. How Yaz wishes all therelentless stayed only inside their adrenaline.

A shot blasts off, a shot at someone, which lands inpainstaking acknowledgement. The world does not shudder. There is no one elseto perform the civilian’s ‘Last Post’ except themselves; no melody but the cry,no trumpet but the voice.

Yaz can hear Ryan’s reaction – something halfway between agrunt and a whimper. Graham whispers to his grandson, a wheeze of a sound, buteven then he cannot hide the tremble in his voice.

Yaz reaches out for Ryan, finds the teeth of the zip on hisjacket, and bunches the material in her hand. Ryan’s hand makes easy the uneasyjob to hold on – human warmth is preferable to cold material – and Graham completesthe line.

She turns her torso to face her friends. ‘You okay?’

They both nod. ‘You?’ Ryan asks.

‘No,’ is her reply, but there is nothing to say to it, sothey don’t try.

Still they trudge on, shielded by cliff edge and rockstructures. Shapes of stone and earth make this a labyrinth; they are yet to discoverwhether the promise of escape is just an illusion.

The Doctor didn’t flinch. Wars have gorged on time.

Yaz wonders – after the death in their movements on thebattlefields, where do the heroes go to cry?

Yaz wonders – where does the Doctor go?

They turn a corner as another shot rings out. The laser hitsthe rock next to Graham and he jumps, yelps.

‘Run, Doc, faster!’ The ground melts beneath Graham’sfootprints as he shouts and scatters. Quiet has failed them, so all, onceagain, is death. Graham is still defiant.

The Doctor gasps. ‘We found it! In there, go!’ She pointsher hand to her north-east, and ducks her body as they scamper in thatdirection.

Yaz yanks Ryan forward – his stumble, loud, is enough toyank Graham closer, closer to an opening inside the cliff they had not spottedbefore.

Disappearance is not death; they have defied it.

There are no lights for the disappeared, the unconsidered,so the Doctor procures her sonic screwdriver and keeps a steady finger on itsside. Its glow unearths an ice-cold cave: there is frost forming, stalagmitesand icicles spreading over each other. Red in colour; blazed by the orange ofthe alien light, they look aflame. Burning ice wouldn’t be the strangest thingon this planet.

The lack of the fire’s grumble banishes the illusion tofolly. Instead, the buzzing bounces off of walls to greet them louder than ever before, and Yaz’s wince evolves into irritation.

She hears Ryan groan at the sudden sound, and he lets go ofher.

‘Hello?’ the Doctor calls out.

‘Doc!’ Graham immediately hisses, and the Doctor turnsaround to blink at him in bewilderment. He’s standing to the side of the caveentrance, shaded from the light of the outside world. He and Ryan have releasedthemselves of held hands to favour recovery from the sprint. ‘What’re youdoing?’

‘You’re gonna get us killed!’ Ryan adds.

‘No, no, I promise, we’re quite safe now,’ the Doctor shakesher head, ‘as long that soldier hasn’t followed us.’ She stares at all three ofthem. ‘We’ll be leaving here soon, I promise.’

Her gaze lingers on the wound on Yaz’s arm, a scratchagainst enemy metal refusing to let up, and finally determination dissolvesinto remorse.

She takes off the hood with one arm and guides them deeperinside. Ryan and Graham follow, light treading.

Breath clouds in front of them all. The Doctor marches into herown mist. ‘Hello? It’s the Doctor. We came for a favour.’

They hear the sound of scuttling bouncing off the cave wallsbefore the sonic illuminates the source. A Viba in hiding, her four insect legsstruggling to find much purchase on the slippery rock ground. One leg slips,but she hurriedly rights herself. The clothes sewn around her humanoid torsoare ripped with giant holes, but there are no injuries underneath. Perhapsthey’ve healed, Yaz thinks. The planet has hidden her from certain death, fornow.

The two parties take a moment to study the other. Yaz cansee the details of the Viba’s sharp, jutting face. The bridge of her buttonnose flows into a wide brow; underneath, purple irises take up the entirety ofthe four eyes on show, and their pupils have receded in the sonic’s brilliantlight. Her eyes narrow as she regards the four of them: inhuman blinking on ahumanoid head – Yaz is reminded of cogs, working inside brains; a loadingscreen.

‘Plor,’ the Doctor addresses her. ‘It is Plor, yeah? CountessPlor. 3rd Andrun Battalion when you were 13.’

The Viba sniffs. Behind them, the soldier passes by theentrance of the cave, satisfied.

‘Doctor,’ Plor sighs. ‘You shouldn’t have come. Especiallywith them.’ Her head jerks towards the humans, visibly wounded and shaken,their lives dependent on the two aliens in front of them. Plor’s gaze drifts onthe Doctor and Yaz, and the little space between them.

‘I thought that I – we – could help,’ the Doctor admits. Hershoulders slouch but the sonic is still pointed forward, a sagging angle at herelbow.

‘You thought wrong,’ Plor cuts her off.

‘Clearly,’ but the Doctor’s words have no bite, unlikePlor’s.

‘We did help, though, Doc,’ Graham protests, ‘we helped abit.’

Plor’s four eyes pin him to the spot. ‘Yet the war stillrages.’

Yaz’s gaze gravitates to a stalactite near the Doctor’shead, copper alight, and the film rolls before her eyes. Crystal palaces.Honour and family. A helping hand, running, jumping, shelter and laughter.

(Films lie. The silence was terrible.)

‘So now you’re running?’

The Doctor nods. ‘This isn’t their war to fight,’ and Plorblinks. The Doctor continues, ‘Have you got the teleporter still? Give me acouple of minutes to work on it, and we’ll be out of your hair before you knowit.’ A drop of water echoes as Doctor considers the sight of her entirelyhairless alien friend. ‘Or, you know. Cave.’

Another shout from outside reaches their ears.

Plor blinks.

‘Come.’

Steps beckon freedom. Yaz treads tentatively, careful not toruin this blessing. The Doctor squeezes her hand again, a tense anticipationpassing from Time Lord to human, and although their threat of death has beenreduced since entering the cave, Yaz’s pulse is unrelenting.

It seems so loud in the silence.

They are rushed to another alcove deeper into the cave,where the sonic’s light becomes crowded by fire and alien technology. TheDoctor detaches herself and is immediately magnetised towards the lengthy blackbox and the pedestal at the centre of the room, caressing her sonic over itsedges. Both of the Viba mechanisms appear to be battered and aged, but still inworking condition. Working enough for the Doctor’s eyes to light up again. Thethree humans stand in the corner, useless but alive.

They can breathe now. Yaz tries it.

She swears she’ll never be silent again.

‘Well?’ Plor, sliding over to the pedestal, crooks aneyebrow at the trio. ‘Stand on it.’

They comply. Yaz strangely feels like she is stood on ahangman’s box. She taps it with her left foot, ungainly in her sturdy boots,and it clangs resoundingly. Yaz remembers the wound in her right arm andwinces.

The sound is met with a disgruntled hiss from Plor – it wasa disturbance enough for the outside world to listen in on, Yaz realises; acall to forget defiance. She might as well have walked out of the cave alone.But it’s sight, not sound, that defeats them, so Yaz is repentant butunworried.

She looks up to Plor, to apologise, and spots her scratchingincessantly, with long, unkempt nails, at a hairy patch on her left arm. A hairappears to be growing, in real time.

The Doctor looks over to Yaz with an apology in her eyes,but keeps her head down.

She takes only a minute more. Her persistent buzzing and afew keying in of commands on the pedestal’s interface has notified the TARDISof their location, she explains. The TARDIS will take care of them.

The Doctor plants her feet next to Yaz once her commentaryhas finished. A low humming immediately starts; their feet are forced intoimmobility on the box. The Doctor’s boots have knocked against Yaz’s.

‘There’s room on the box for you, Plor,’ she says as theViba types in more commands on the interface. It is a whole paragraph oftyping; the Doctor looking on with her brow furrowed.

To the untrained ear there would be no sound but hope in theDoctor’s voice. Yaz can hear the remorse that threatens the Doctor’sdetermination, the thin line of a mouth that speaks of future death. And sheknows Plor’s answer before she opens her mouth.

Plor nods her head, too busy typing to look up. It robs hervoice of intonation. ‘My place is here, with the unconsidered. I am to themwhat you were to me, all those years ago. But thank you.’ She presses a buttonon the pedestal, and the process begins.

For a second Plor’s face contorts. To the untrained eye itwould be sadness, but Yaz has seen enough war now to read the signs.

The box starts vibrating, the thrumming louder and louder. Plorlooks at the Doctor’s friends. ‘This is old technology, long before the war. Icannot guarantee it won’t hurt. Brace yourselves, it won’t be long.’

‘Doctor, I don’t think—’

Yaz forgets how to breathe again. The thrumming becomes awhirring, and the sides of the box are suddenly aflush with white light –bright white light. She doesn’t want it to hurt. In the last moment before thetransfer, they hear the whoosh of the TARDIS – and, on instinct, Yazgrabs the Doctor’s arm.

#doctor who #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who series 11 #thasmin #thasmin prompts #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #ryan sinclair #graham o'brien #team tardis #my writing #my fanfiction #more of the universe

40 notes · View notes

punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Jac & Savannah

Savannah: [Okay so my idea is it's literally the first day because of course it is, highkey bitches, and like they haven't had chance to talk much as they're also the kinda bitches who wanna make a good first impression on whoever they are doing this work experience for but then they get told to do something together. The thing is, Jac can't find Sav, until she does find her crying in the bathroom because it's like a few months previous so her dad hasn't left yet and things are really messy between her parents obvs she would've tried to call her boyfriend but he wouldn't answer cos he's doing work experience too so Jac comforts her and it's a #bondingmoment and I thought we could start the convo after that/ later either with Jac being like are you okay now or Sav being like I'm so embarrassed] Jac: [yes 1000% to all of that, good thinking boo] Savannah: [would you like to start it being concerned to show she's not like Mia levels of callous heartless bitch?] Jac: [on it lmao] Jac: Hi, just wanted to check in, I hope you're feeling a bit better now Jac: know we haven't particularly before, but if you do ever need to talk Jac: sometimes friends don't get it, I know Savannah: Oh god, I've never been this embarrassed in my entire life! Savannah: I don't normally do that, honestly Jac: Of course Jac: You so don't need to be, I promise Jac: it sounds like you're going through a lot right now, you did amazing keeping it together all day Savannah: Everything is getting on top of me, I swear I'd be living at my boyfriend's if not for my little sister Savannah: but when I am home I have to be strong for her so I just feel so alone there Savannah: Like, I can't even feel how I feel Jac: Everyone always puts such unfair pressure on the oldest, I'm the same Jac: but you are strong, I can tell, even if you don't feel it all the time Jac: it's strong to admit you aren't okay, and that that's okay Savannah: That's so true! Did we ask to get born first, no? Savannah: you're the sweetest, I can tell Savannah: none of my friends have even tried to make me feel better Jac: Lifetime of being a babysitter and bodyguard 🙄 Jac: People can get so wrapped up in their own 'drama' Jac: some people we go to school with have never had an actual problem in their life and it shows Jac: but like I said, you can always come to me, even if you just wanna vent everything out and not have me respond, that's totally fine Jac: you should have someone you can confide in Savannah: Sienna needs it though, she's very very shy Savannah: People would take advantage if I wasn't there Savannah: Exactly! They think not getting a text back is a crisis Savannah: don't judge me because I know how this sounds but my boyfriend has totally become my best friend since we got together Savannah: it's great & I love that but I can't offload EVERYTHING onto him Savannah: there's no way I could have a breakdown & then delete it later, you know? Jac: Mine are the total opposite of shy, but there's no telling what kind of nonsense they'd get into if I weren't there to keep them safe Jac: That makes total sense Jac: and I think its sweet, most girls don't even LIKE their boyfriends, it's so childish Jac: but you're right, you can't rely on one person for everything, it's not fair on them, but also you Savannah: Yes! 👏 Why would I spend my precious time with someone who isn't worth that? Savannah: I don't understand most of the people we go to school with, seriously Savannah: my friends are always with their boyfriends too but fighting constantly about things that are nonsense Jac: 🙌 Preach Jac: Me either, it's honestly tiring having to deal with their 'logic' Jac: I thought there was like, no one at school with their priorities straight Savannah: & if you try & say anything you get attacked, like I'm offering help Savannah: my life is falling apart here & I do not have the mental space for your negativity Jac: People don't like when you help 'cos they cause their 'problems' themselves and they've got no intention of fixing them Jac: try not to take it personally, it says SO much more about them than it does you Jac: it's shitty they can't but that aside and be there for you when you really need them though, I'm sorry ❤ Savannah: You should literally be my parents relationship therapist Jac: I do want to do Psychology at Uni Savannah: OH MY GOD, me too! Savannah: I wanna go to Bath but I wouldn't mind St Andrews either even though it's only ranked 4th Savannah: Oxford & Cambridge are...what's the word? Jac: No way Jac: How do we have so much in common and we're only just finding out? Jac: It's like, they're the dream but also, are they just too old-fashioned for words? Jac: Some people in my family went to Cambridge, and I want to make my own path, you know? Savannah: That's SO important Savannah: & I know what you mean, as an educated black girl I just cannot Savannah: Imagine if we'd ended up at the same uni & I ran into you at some party or lecture Jac: ^^ You really have to think about these things Jac: That would be crazy Jac: as much as I'm DYING for the fresh start, it would be cool to have you there, a familiar face 😌 Savannah: You can read my mind Jac: I'm pretty sure I want Bath too, but Edinburgh seems like such a COOL city so 🤔😬😂 Jac: Cannot wait to do tours Savannah: You're SO right, there's no way to decide properly until we've been there Jac: I wish I could convince my 'rents that I need to go sooner rather than later 🙄 Savannah: I could talk my dad into anything at the moment, come with us! Jac: Seriously? Savannah: you have to Jac: We were meant to meet Jac: properly meet, I mean Savannah: That's what it feels like Jac: Fate is such a thing, honestly, there's so many weird 'conincidences' that have totally changed my life Savannah: It was such a strange little moment that brought me and my boyfriend together too, that could've easily not happened Jac: Right? Jac: Life is so crazy Savannah: I feel really happy at this exact moment & I wanted to die earlier Savannah: it's you Savannah: you're incredible Jac: I'm so glad you feel better, that's like, what I was meant to do, I can feel it Jac: you're so lovely, like ??? Savannah: Why have we never talked before? How? Jac: It's madness! Jac: Like, I need you in my life, honestly, my friends are just not even on the same planet sometimes, I swear Savannah: Oh honey, you can talk to me whenever too Savannah: I'm bringing breakfast into work for us tomorrow, no arguments, what do you love? Jac: ❤❤ Jac: caffeine anything 😜 Jac: do you go to [some #aes af cafe she definitely does go to too]? their pastries are 😘 so good Savannah: Get out! Of course I do! Savannah: I can't believe we haven't seen each other there Jac: 🤯🤯 This is silly now Jac: we're gonna have to sit down and work out the things we DON'T have in common at this rate Savannah: I'm going to [another aesthetic af place] later if you want to join? Home is the last place I wanna be Jac: Definitely Jac: Not done cheering you up yet Jac: and that place is also PERFECT Savannah: 🙌 Thank god you said yes 🙌 Savannah: I would totally have been crying again if it was a no Jac: Never Jac: You're so cool, Savannah Savannah: I'm going to have to think of a description for you that like only exists for you Savannah: because there are some other cool people but you're next level Jac: You are just the sweetest too, like how are you EVERYTHING Savannah: We're clearly everything together, we worked so hard today & now this Savannah: not letting you leave my life Jac: We make the perfect team Jac: I was lowkey so worried no one else would be going to this placement and then it turns out the BEST person ever is, okay 🙏🌍 Savannah: 💞 Savannah: All my friends are working in nurseries or in shops that'll give them free skincare Jac: Seriously! 🙄 Everyone just wants to have the easiest time possible Jac: my friend is legit working on reception in the sports centre next to the school Jac: like this is a chance to get your foot in the door somewhere and that's what you came up with? smh Savannah: You had it spot on when you said nobody our age has any sense of priorities Savannah: no offence to your friend but I could never Jac: Me either, there's a reason she's on her own 💁😏 Savannah: 😄

1 note · View note

walkerismychoice · 5 years

Text

Everything’s Reminding Me of You - Part 3 (Logan X MC, Colt X MC)

Book: ROD

Pairing: Logan X MC, Colt X MC

Rating: NSFW/18+

Summary: As Gabi drives off to college alone, she can’t help but think about the two loves she left behind. This is Part 3 of 3

Song Credits (In order)

1. Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt 2. Love You Goodbye - One Direction Spotify Playlist (includes songs from part 1 and 2)

Word Count: 3153

Two days of driving down, and one long day to go before Gabi reaches her final destination. Despite the pain of having nothing to do but relive all her recent memories, she’s feeling lighter and more hopeful today than she has in a long time. She’s ready to let them go and start fresh. Well almost. She’s kept a couple songs for today. Ones that remind her of her goodbyes to them both. After driving for awhile, she’s ready and cues up the first song to play.

~~~

Colt dropped Gabi off in front of her house after saying goodbye. As if that wasn’t hard enough, everyone was gone, just like that. She hadn’t even had a chance to say goodbye to Logan and didn’t know if she would ever see him again.

She turned to walk up the path to her house when she heard her name being called, and she would know that voice anywhere.

“Gabi?” Logan stepped out from the shadows.

“Logan!” I’d thought you’d left.” Gabi ran up and threw her arms around his neck.

Logan hugged her back in his strong arms and kissed her on the forehead. “I couldn’t. Not without saying goodbye.”

They stayed there motionless for a long moment, neither wanting to be the first to break the embrace. “What will you do?”

“I’m...not sure.”

“You know, you don’t have to leave. You could stay in L.A. We could find a way...” Gabi was desperate not to lose him. She would have given up school, gone anywhere, done anything, if that meant she could stay with him.

I know your fears and you know mine / We've had our doubts but now we're fine / And I love you, I swear that's true / I cannot live without you.

Logan looked contemplatively up at the sky. Gabi followed his gaze and at that moment, a meteor streaked orange across the pitch black canvas of the night. “I lived my whole life on the run. From foster homes, from police, from gangs... I was always willing to walk away and never look back.” He looked back to Gabi.

You touched my heart you touched my soul / You changed my life and all my goals

"But I thought I was finally done running. I thought I’d finally found something worth fighting for. Worth risking it all for. But now the feds are after us. And every moment I stay puts you in danger.”

And love is blind and that I knew when / My heart was blinded by you

Gabi frowned. “What are you saying?” She already knows the answer. She could see it in his face, hear it in voice, but she was holding onto and last shred of hope that there was any way they could be together.

“I'm saying that if I really care about you...” He paused and took a deep breath, as if to muster the courage for what came next. “I have to never see you again.”

Did I disappoint you or let you down? / Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? / 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun

“That’s not true.” Gabi shook her head, unwilling to believe it.

“We both know know it is. I have to walk away.”

Gabi stomach sunk, and it was like the ground fell out from underneath her. It was all she could do to keep herself from completely breaking down. Logan inched closer and Gabi fell into his arms, resting her head in his chest. They swayed together as if there was music only they could hear. “I don’t want to let go.”

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile / I've watched you sleeping for a while / I'd be the father of your child/ I'd spend a lifetime with you

“Me neither. Man, I really get it now. It’s amazing how much life makes sense when everything hurts.”

Gabi tilted her head back to look up at him. He smiled, trying to lighten the mood but Gabi could see his eyes glistening in the moonlight.

“Logan...what am I going to do without you?”

“Well , for starters, you’re going to get some sleep.” Logan chuckled but Gabi was in no mood to laugh.

“Logan, I’m serious. I...don’t know how to go back to the old me.”

“Then don’t. Be the real you. The one that was always waiting to come out.”

“That one doesn’t know how to be alone.”

“She won’t be.”

“Where will you go?”

“Guess I’ll see where the road takes me.”

“And you won’t come find me?”

It may be over but it won't stop there/ I'm here for you if you'd only care

“I can’t, Gabi. But know that every time you look up at the stars, I’m somewhere seeing your face in them.” Gabi covered her face with her hands as hot tears stung her eyes and Logan stroked her hair. “Hey, hey.. don’t cry over me. You’ll forget all about me soon enough. I was just a rock in space lucky enough to burn up in your atmosphere for a moment.”

And as you move on, remember me / Remember us and all we used to be

“No Logan, I’ll never love someone else.” She truly couldn’t imagine how she would ever get over him.

And I love you, I swear that's true / I cannot live without you.

“Yeah, you will.” Logan smiled softy. “You’ve got a whole life ahead of you, and a whole lot of love in your heart. I was just some punk kid you caused trouble with in high school.”

He was selling himself short to make her feel better but she wasn’t buying it. She knew the real Logan. “Don’t say that Logan. Please don’t say that. You’re so much more than that.” As the tears streamed down her face, Logan brushed them away, his calloused fingertips rough against her soft skin.

Logan pushed her hair back out of her face and as much as she wanted to kiss him, she knew that would be the end - the last time she’d get to feel his touch. His lips met hers, soft, and warm, and she closed her eyes squeezing the collecting tears down her cheeks. He cupped her cheek in his hand while Gabi tried to commit every piece of him to memory - his scent, his touch, his taste...

I've kissed your lips and held your head / Shared your dreams and shared your bed. / I know you well, I know your smell / I've been addicted to you.

“Logan, no.” She pleaded as he pulled away, knowing that was it, and the hurt came crashing down instantly.

Goodbye my lover / Goodbye my friend / You have been the one /You have been the one for me.

Logan stepped backwards into the dark, never taking his eyes off her. “There’s a whole wide world out there waiting for you... Give ‘em hell, troublemaker.”

~~~

Goodbye my lover / Goodbye my friend / You have been the one / You have been the one for me / I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow / I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

The last words of the song describe exactly how she felt when Logan left, like he occupied a physical space in her heart that he took away when he left. But Gabi has a big heart, and although Logan had been the love she felt she was meant to be with, she couldn’t help but keep a space for Colt too. She had thought her goodbye with him was final and had been starting to make peace with it, but Colt had other plans.

~~~

Gabi brought the last of her boxes out to the car and shut the trunk. Now that it was almost here she was both nervous and excited to move across country and start the next phase of her life. It was the first time in a week that she actually let herself look forward instead of just looking back.

As she walked back to the house, she heard a motorcycle in the distance. For just a split second she wondered if it was him, just like she had every time she heard one since he left, but then she remembered how unlikely that was. They’d said their goodbyes and they’d both made it clear they were headed in different directions. But when the sound kept getting louder, Gabi spun around and almost didn’t believe what she saw.

Colt pulled up in front of her house and hopped off his bike, setting his helmet on the seat. It was like she was seeing a ghost, but it had to be real. He was as gorgeous as ever as he sauntered over in fitted jeans and a white t-shirt under his black leather jacket.

“Colt! What are you doing here?”

Colt scratched at the back of his neck. “I was, uh, in the neighborhood.” It came off as more of a question than a statement. Her neighborhood, and specifically her street, were not places people just happened to pass by on their way elsewhere.

“Oh, really?” Gabi questioned suspiciously. “What type of business did you have around here? You know this probably isn’t the smartest place for you to be.”

“Fine, I’m here because I was hoping to see you. I know we already said our goodbyes, but I still feel there’s a lot left unsaid, and I knew you must be leaving soon…”

Gabi crossed her arms. “You’re right, I’m leaving in the morning, so if you are trying to convince me to stay, it’s too late for that.”

It’s inevitable everything that’s good comes to an end / It’s impossible to know if after this we could still be friends, yeah

“No, it’s nothing like that. I just…I don’t know I’m not always the best with words and expressing my feelings. Can we just go somewhere and talk?”

Colt’s humbled and pleading tone melted any resolve she had she had left. “Okay my dad is working, you can come inside." Gabi led Colt into the living room. He sat on one end of the couch and she sat on the other, pulling her knees into her chest, guarded.

It seemed like minutes passed until Gabi finally broke the silence. "So, did you actually want to talk or are we just going to stare at each other?”

Colt smirked. “I don’t know. It’s not such a bad view.”

Gabi laughed and shook her head. “Come on, Colt. I’m leaving early tomorrow, and I could be sleeping right now.”

“Sorry. I just thought I’d get here and I’d know what to say…but I want to apologize. I know I can be an asshole sometimes.”

Gabi raised an eyebrow. “Sometimes?”

“Okay, most of the time.” Colt chuckled. “I don’t necessarily regret the choices I made, but I do wish I had handled some things differently with you. You know how I feel about you. You know how amazing and intelligent I think you are. I see a lot of myself in you, and because of that, I falsely assumed you’d want all the things I want too. I told you following your dream of going off to Langston wasn’t good enough for you, and I’m sorry. You are going to be great at anything you choose to do Gabi, and I know you’re destined for big things.”

Unforgettable together the whole world in my hands / Unexplainable the love that only we could understand, yeah

“Wow, Colt.” She couldn’t believe he was finally saying all the things she’d wanted him to say all along. “Thank you.”

“Colt looked down to his lap. “I just can’t stop wondering if I would have realized sooner-”

I know there’s nothing I can do to change it / But is this something that could be negotiated

“Colt, stop.” Gabi placed a hand on his knee. “I’m going to school on the other side of the country, and you are rebuilding your dad’s garage here. Everything is working out the way it’s supposed to be.”

Colt looked up to meet her gaze, placing his hand on top of hers, and something changed. His eyes darkened as a familiar spark passed between them, and Gabi knew there was know going back. She leaned in and Colt cupped the back of her head, closing the distance and crushing her his mouth to her. His tongue slipped past her parted lips, Gabi moaning as he deepened the kiss.

Suddenly, Colt pulled away. “What about Logan?”

Gabi sighed. “He’s gone. He didn’t want to put me in danger and wanted me to live the live I’m supposed to have. I haven’t seen or heard from him since that last night we were all together, and I doubt I ever will again.”

“That self-sacrificing moron.” Colt laughed and Gabi followed.

“Do you really want to talk about Logan, or…” Gabi slid her hand up and stopped near the top of his thigh.

“What are you saying?” Colt asked with a smile playing on his lips.

Hey, hey, hey / Oh, why did you have to walk out of my life Hey, hey, hey /Oh, even though it’s over you should stay tonight

“I’m saying…come with me.” Gabi jumped up and grabbed Colt’s hand, pulling him with her and up stairs to her bedroom. As soon as she closed the door they started tearing at each other’s clothes, falling onto the bed, limbs intertwined with only their underwear left on.

Colt rolled on top of Gabi, hovering over her. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

If tomorrow you won’t be mine / Won’t you give it to me one last time /Oh, baby let me love you goodbye

Gabi nodded. Had she given Colt any false hope, or if there was any possibility she could have been with Logan again, she might have felt guilty, but she and Colt both knew the score. In an odd way, she knew it was what she needed to get over him.

One more taste of your lips just to bring me back / To the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had / Because if this is it then at least we could end it right

“Good. If this is the only chance I get, I’m going to do it right.” He kissed her lips, trailing down her jaw and neck, nibbling and sucking hard enough to leave a mark and sending shivers down her spine. He reached around to unhook her bra, flicking his tongue over her nipples as he pulled the cups down. He slipped his hand inside her panties and groaned as he felt how wet she was, and when circled over her clit she did the same, trying to bite back her moan. He removed her panties and sat up, his eyes roving over entire body. "I’ve waited so long to see you like this. You’re so fucking beautiful, Gabi.”

Gabi clasped her hands around his neck, pulling his weight onto her as she kissed him deeply. There was an urgency in his movements, yet he took his time exploring her body like he didn’t want to miss a thing. She came as he worked his fingers inside her, and then again as his tongue teased her clit.

She pushed colt onto his back, stripped off his boxer briefs, and took his hard length into her mouth, bobbing up and down until she brought him to the brink. He pulled her up before she went to far and guided her entrance over him. She sunk down onto him and gasped as his cock filled her completely. He writhed and moaned beneath her, running his hands all over body, caressing her breasts and making her whimper as he tugged on her pink buds.

“I want you on your hands and knees,” Colt commanded and she obliged. He reached around, stroking her most sensitive place as he drove into her, hitting her sweet spot every time. She felt the pressure building once again until it burst and she screamed out Colt’s name as intense waves of pleasure coursed through her.

Her walls still pulsing around him, Colt flipped Gabi over and pinned her hands above her head as his continues his frantic pace. She bucked her hips into him, and a few more thrusts was all he could take, crying out "Ohh, Fuck!” as his whole body shuddered.

Colt flopped on the bed next to Gabi, idly stroking her arm with his fingertips. “It’s a shame we won’t be able to do that again.”

“Yeah,” was all Gabi could manage to say, her mind a jumble of conflicting feelings. Leaving was still the plan, no question about it, but she’d be lying if she didn’t think for a split second about what it would be like if she stayed.

“I know this doesn’t change anything, but if things don’t work out for you out East, you know where I’ll be.”

Gabi kissed Colt softly on the lips and smirked. “I’ll keep that in mind if I flunk out.” She rested her head on Colt’s chest and they remained in silence as the minutes passed “Hey, Colt?”

“Yeah?”

“I just want you to know you were never second choice or plan B for me. I know this might not make sense or be of any consolation, but things just didn’t fall into place for us. We just couldn’t be what we needed each other to be.”

Colt studied Gabi thoughtfully. "You know what? I think I finally get it. It still hurts like hell, but I don’t want you to change to be what you think I want or need. Maybe our paths will cross again, but if I really love you, which I still do, I need to let you follow your own path."

Gabi laced her fingers through Colt’s and gave his hand a squeeze. "I do love you too, Colt. Not in the way you need me to, but I will always care about you.

"I know.” Colt wrapped Gabi in his arms and held her until it was time to for him to leave.

~~~

Oh baby let me love you goodbye

Gabi momentarily wonders if reliving that all within the span of 10 minutes was a mistake as a wave of emotion almost drowns her. But as she takes a deep breath and exhales, she can almost feel the weight lifting off of her. She’s not just going to forget about everything and move on instantaneously, but forcing herself to relive and process it all has made her see things much more clearly, and she’s ready for what adventures lie ahead.

#playchoices fanfic #rod #logan x mc #colt x mc #colt kaneko #rod logan #n*fw #ns*w

46 notes · View notes