#and i’m tired of people continuing to say she’s a terrible person without looking at the reasons behind what she does
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Allison Hargreeves is being unfairly vilified?
Allison Hargreeves as in 'SA'd Luther' Allison Hargreeves? Allison Hargreeves as in 'confirmed Viktor's worst ongoing fears and anxieties just because Viktor was grieving his friend/stepson and it annoyed her' Allison Hargreeves? Allison Hargreeves 'contributed to the deaths of two of her siblings' Allison Hargreeves? Allison Hargreeves 'nothing anyone else has lost over the course of this nightmare matters as much as what I lost so I'm gonna fuck everything up potentially irreparably' Allison Hargreeves?
That Allison Hargreeves? I mean don't get me wrong I like her but she's very much a villain right now. She's an interesting villain, a compelling villain, a better villain than Reggie since we actually know wtf her problem is and we wish things hadn't turned out this way. But a villain all the same.
i don't think allison is a villain. at best, i'd say she's an antihero. at worst, she was a catalyst for viktor's arc in season three.
i would like to start by saying that i'm not defending allison's actions. i think what she did was wrong. however, i don't think she deserves all the hate that she's gotten. she's a character that is very morally gray, and people continue to paint her in solely black or white.
what i try to convey in this... very long post is that there's a reason for what allison does in season three. the question of if she’s a villain or not can be debated, but i believe that the reasons for her actions don’t make her a villain.
a big reason why the umbrella academy is such an incredible show is that all the umbrellas are flawed and nuanced, and despite it all they love. all of the umbrellas have their faults, and allison is no different.
in season three allison has lost all hope. she thinks she will never see her child again, her husband is dead, the world is ending, and to her it seems like her siblings don't give a shit. amidst all the chaos and the whirlwind of her life, she needs something that she's used to. something she knows how to navigate.
so she turns to luther. and she gets the comfort she's looking for but it's not right.
allison and luther's relationship is something that has been a topic of many debates in this fandom. i don't really want to get into it right now, but they've always been a person of comfort to each other. allison wants to feel loved and cared for, and she thinks she can get that comfort from luther.
allison is naturally selfish. she's used to getting what she wants. she's used to having the world at her fingertips. and yet almost everything she's held close to her heart has been ripped away from her. and she's never getting it back.
in season three she falls back onto her old habits, rumoring people left and right with no consideration for others. it makes sense because it's the only way she knows how to get what she wants.
and then she rumors luther. she doesn't want to lose him either, and she thinks that he's choosing sloane over her (which is true, but she thinks he's leaving forever. she thinks she'll lose him too). but she almost instantly realizes what she's done, almost instantly tries to take it away.
as for her relationship with viktor, that's another can of worms. in season one, allison is the only one really trying to mend that relationship with viktor. but it's a rocky road. allison snaps at viktor, viktor snaps at allison. these two have had tension from the very start. eventually, that bond had to snap.
at the start of season three, viktor is the only one that really tries to help allison. he stands up for her, and comforts her after she returns from la. but by episode three allison is so consumed by her grief that she's already clashing with viktor.
and when harlan makes an appearance, it just gets worse. harlan is like a son to viktor. someone viktor can care for. and when viktor turns that care and attention away from allison and instead towards harlan, it hurts. why is viktor allowed to have his child when allison will never get to see claire again?
in season three luther tells viktor that allison has “always been good to you (viktor)”. but there comes a point where your love and gratitude towards someone can morph into bitterness and hate.
the reason i say allison is a catalyst for viktor in season three is because the writers needed someone to contest his ideas. someone that will create a struggle for viktor that he will ultimately come out of with a new lesson learned. and allison is a great contender for that position. the show needs conflict in order to have an engaging story at all, and tense relationships between the siblings can be seen throughout all three seasons. (luther and diego in season one, ben and klaus in season two)
as for the deaths of her siblings, do you really think she wanted that to happen? she doesn’t want to lose any more people, that’s the main driver of her character shift in this season.
allison turns towards reginald because she sees it as the only option left. klaus does the same thing, so why is it any different when allison does it? she didn’t know her siblings would die in the process.
allison isn’t even the only sibling that has contributed to a sibling’s (almost) death. viktor slashes her throat in season one, ben sacrifices himself to save the world, and luther willingly walks into the room to talk to reginald. how is that allison’s fault?
i think this is also why five gives his talk to viktor, not allison. he understands what allison is going through on some level, understands the despair of losing those who are close to you. understands being willing to do anything to get them back. even though he quite loudly disagrees with allison making a deal with reginald, it's because he knows she's getting tricked. reginald never had their best interests at heart.
they’ve all lost people, and they all react to that loss in different ways. in season 1, when diego finds that patch was killed, he instantly wants to go for revenge. he plans on going after hazel and cha cha but five inevitably talks him out of it.
allison doesn’t have that influence. in fact, diego suggests to instead let that grief out through anger. i don’t think it was a very good solution in the end.
and despite all that, she wants to redeem herself. she tries to tell viktor the truth, she admits that she made the plan for all of them. she kills reginald and she’s the one that pushes the button at the end of season three. there’s so much left that we don’t know. did allison know what would happen when she pressed the button? did she know what reginald’s real plan was?
but in the end, allison is the reality of a person who has lost those who are closest to her. it’s probably the best job the writers have done while showing trauma and grief. i don’t think allison is a villain, and i think that accusing her of solely caring about herself is unfair.
#went kinda off of the rails there but i have a lot of thoughts about her#and i’m tired of people continuing to say she’s a terrible person without looking at the reasons behind what she does#and i have a feeling that if any of the white and/or male characters did this you all would be jumping for joy because the writers#are finally acknowledging their trauma#anyways i currently have a cold so this might not make complete sense#the umbrella academy#tua#umbrella academy#allison hargreeves#my rambles
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🦢 ─────── *ೃ ୨ POPULAR STARTAG (HASHTAG X STRARCRUSH, OT5) SHIPS !
STARCRUSH & HASHTAG are the most well-known artists currently under MELODY MEDIA and are known for being each others sibling group, their lore often intertwining or overlapping occasionally. These pairs have formed overtime and are fans most popular and most liked ships between the two groups, gaining both more shared popularity. There are multiple other ships that are included in Hashtag x Starcrush, but these few are the most popular.
INSPIRED BY THIS POST.
── *ೃ ୨ YUNHEE X YUAN / DOUBLE YU.
Yunhee & Yuan are the definition of Sun & Moon, Yunhee being the sun, Yuan being the moon. Fans believe that these two are the best duo between the two groups because of all the content put out from the two, for both fandoms, and wish that more people payed attention to their friendship. It’s mostly a marketing scheme Melody Media made to promote the groups better but their humor is what mostly attracts people.
FAN FAVORITE MOMENT …
“Welcome back to the DOUBLE YU cam where I, Kim Yunhee, film clips of Wang Shanyuan, also known as Yuan, for free! Solid deal, right?” The shaky camera flips to show Yuan, glaring silently, looking ahead of him, seemingly frustrated. The camera zooms in on his face. “As you can see, we’re backstage just before a collab stage between both our groups, and Yuan over here, isn’t very happy.” He scowls at her words, swatting the camera away.
“Get that out of my face before I lob it at you.” He grumbles, turning away. “Hey, I don’t appreciate empty threats, Wang. As I was saying, he’s not very happy cause we’re performing his least favorite Hashtag song, Talk & Talk.” She attempts to stifle a laugh as she continues to zoom into the elder boy’s face. “Please explain to the viewers why you are a hater of Talk & Talk?” Her finger enters the frame, nudging Yuan’s shoulder.
“I don’t hate it, It’s just got too many complicated moves and I’m tired.” The camera zooms out at this, her hand still shaky. “Ooh, you heard it here first everyone, Talk & Talk is terrible to dance on stage to because it’s got ‘too many complicated moves’, as said best from our favorite, Yuan.” He blinks up at her from his chair, reaching his hand up to ruffle her hair in an attempt to annoy her. “Yuan! Listen the only person you’ll be angering, is my hair stylist.”
Yunhee slaps his hand away, the camera focusing on the floor instead before she remembers its existence and flips it back round to have her face in frame. “That’s it for the DOUBLE YU cam today, if you have any questions or queries, please message my melodytalk account. Thank you for watching DOUBLE YU cam, stay tuned for the next cam and wish us luck during our performance!” She says, smiling as she waves the camera off with Yuan standing awkwardly behind her, rolling his eyes.
── *ೃ ୨ MINSEO X DAE / MINDAE.
Minseo & Dae were initially paired up on a variety show for a very long time, thus causing them to also be paired up by the company for practically everything you could think of and have now become seemingly, closer. Fans say they’re only friends for convenience, which is technically true, but others truly believe they gradually became better friends since it didn’t look like they were as close as they were now, previously.
FAN FAVORITE MOMENT …
“I think i’m finally finished!” Minseo said, clasping her hands together in celebration. The live seemed to be very active, with comments comments coming in every few seconds, making it difficult for Minseo to choose a question to answer without her Manager getting upset. “I feel like i’m getting older and older, but thank you all for joining my birthday live.”
“Yes, everyone sent me happy birthday wishes, I think the earliest person was Annie, but she’s always up when she should be sleeping so i was grateful, just not surprised.” Minseo laughed along with her words, fixing the birthday hat placed on her head. “Actually, one person forgot to say happy birthday to me, he’s a bit late but we’ll see what excuse he has for his lateness.” She grins.
Minseo picks up the Ipad on the table and continues to answer more questions, speaking about random topics when her phone begins to vibrate. “Oh! See? I told you guys he would call in the middle of the live, let’s see what he has to say.” Minseo laughs before she answers the call. “Hello?” there’s a small pause. “I didn’t forget to wish you a happy birthday! The message sent late, I told you my phone’s broken!” Dae says desperately, in an attempt to redeem his actions.
“Not true, ‘cause it says it was sent at 2:33pm and I started my live at 2:20pm.” Minseo folded her arms over her chest, grinning once again. “Okay, fine you caught me but it was a pretty good lie, right?” she scoffed, holding back laughter. “No it wasn’t Dae, now if that’s all, i’ll talk to you later.” Her fingers hovered over the decline button when Dae yelled out. “Wait! Happy birthday, Seo.” She smiled softly, commenting a quick ‘thank you’ before ending the call and continuing her live.
── *ೃ ୨ YOORA X THEO / YOOREO.
Theo & Yoora are the most popular Startag ship to date, always being paired together whenever they both feature on things ranging from variety shows to constantly posting on their instagram stories when they can. Some argue and say that their friendship is strictly promotional but others say that it’s clearly a true friendship between the two and that they have a strong bond. They also appear to hang out the most, more than other ships included in the groups.
FAN FAVORITE MOMENT …
Yoora holds Theo’s wrist as they walk through the hallways together, holding a camera in one hand, previously splitting up with their group members to form small groups of two in order to complete their mission for the variety show. They make a sharp turn and enter a room with a few desks and chairs decorating the space. Once they do the door closes and Yoora shrieks at the loud noise.
“That scared me.” She mumbles slowly as Theo chuckles at her sudden reaction when her hold on his wrist tightens out of pure fear. The room is dim without any lighting but is extremely spacious with drawers everywhere. Yoora points to one of the drawers and asks Theo to look through it, doing the same to another drawer on the opposite side.
She first looks through the top and bottom two drawers and checks the middle compartment finding a small key inside, nearing the corner of the empty area. “Have you found it?” Theo asks impatiently, turning around to face his partner. She nods, motioning for him to follow her out of the room.
They open the door and rush into the main entrance of the hallway when a man dressed in dark clothing and a frightening mask appears in front of them. Yoora screams and attempts to run away, tripping over herself but Theo manages to catch her in time, still laughing at her as they run away from the masked man.
Yoora stops to catch her breath, “Please remind me next time to never say yes when the company asks me to star in a horror show, because i will never do something like this again,” She groans, quickening her pace as Theo walks beside her, laughing even louder at this.
── *ೃ ୨ LILING X SUNDAY / SUNLING.
Basically the serious + unserious duo. Liling is always joking around, being way too hyper and Sunday is the one who looks at her weird for doing so, but still cares for her nonetheless. The media sees Sunday as a spoiled and stuck up person, but when with Liling she is easily more liked, despite Liling being the more preferred one out of the two due to Sunday’s behavior. They’re another very popular ship, but they’re very known individually and have too much content together whether it be any type of video footage or hundreds of monthly photos of them.
FAN FAVORITE MOMENT …
The camera currently points upwards, towards the ceiling of the room as shuffling and a few muffled voices can be heard. Liling picks up the camera, still directed upwards, and waves eagerly before placing it down on a table. The shot shows Liling and Sunday sitting on a small couch together. Liling’s knees are pressed against her chest and she wraps her arms around them for support. Sunday turns her head slightly to look at her silently and the pair suddenly burst out into loud laughter. Liling points to her goggles, worn for aesthetic purposes, with the tip of her charm-decorated nails as she speaks, “They’re pretty cute, right?” She signals the question towards Sunday and she nods blankly.
“Anyways, we’re about to go on stage so wish us luck!” Sunday says, smiling as she animatedly talks to the camera. She leans in to hug Liling as they both raise their hands to signalize cheering themselves on. Liling pauses for a moment and then reaches over to pull out a pair of similar goggles from behind her back to give to Sunday. “Here. We’ll look better if we’re matching! Okay now seriously, bye guys!” They both wave excitedly and the clip fades out.
── *ೃ ୨ CLEM X BONNIE / CLONNIE.
Everyone’s (second) favorite and most underrated duo in all of Startag history! Clem and Bonnie are most likely, and naturally the closest compared to others. They’ve known each other for a very short amount of time, but Clem is also known to be the least friendly person you could ever meet so Bonnie must be very special to her. They have the most amount of on-screen interactions and always speak about each other, whatever the context is. CLONNIE is also known for being extremely chaotic when put together, and always being the loudest no matter what room they're in.
FAN FAVORITE MOMENT …
The clip was featured in a Hashtag Behind the Scenes Episode, taken by Reiko. Reiko is talking about the collab stage both Hashtag and Starcrush have just performed and in the background you can see Bonnie and Clem talking to each other whilst Clem fixes Bonnie’s stage outfit and brushes her hair out of her face. In the next clip, Bonnie reaches out to hug Clem whilst still talking to the other and most likely exchanging praise for their performance. Later, they come into frame, holding hands and waving at the camera with their free hands. Reiko notices and points this gesture out, they both simply shrug and laugh.
#👾 ˖ ࣪ 𓂃 tag us ! “ development. “#fictional idol community#fictional idol oc#fictional kpop idol#ficnetfairy#fake kpop addition#fake kpop group#fake kpop member#fictional idol group#fake kpop company#fake kpop gg
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I was using my personal Twitter (or I guess X now) account that has nothing about B//leach on it, and I still saw tweets calling us IRs toxic and the worst part of the fandom, and I just remembered the terrible messages I got for years just for liking IR
The reason why I saw it was someone else saying that they still didn’t animate R//enji in that scene where R//ukia thinks about other people but him, which I found it weird back then myself how she never really gave all that much thought to him, and seemed annoyed by him. I know many IRs hate him, but as someone who was back then a huge R//enji fan I still found it weird how one sided a lot of that relationship seemed. That’s why I stopped shipping them. I shipped R//enruki before I even shipped IR, but I have no proof bc I wasn’t in B//leach spaces when I first read the manga, if anyone wonders.
It’s still weird to me how I just can’t enjoy my ship in peace without seeing something online about the fans/my ship outside of Tumblr or even my fan account on Twitter (which I no longer use for this reason)
Like I just see all these amazing people I’ve met in my years in the fandom painted as the bad guy, even when they were there for me during some of my worst moments or even recently to just say “I’m so sorry for your loss” after a post I made, and I just feel powerless. And I know now in anime history we’re gonna be remembered as shitty people and not as some of the most creative people I know, and honestly we put more thought in our analysis than K//ubo himself probably did, all because of a ship.
I rue the day when the ships became canon instead of simply, everyone just staying friends and not having time skips that added nothing to the story except some weird analogy with the first chapter, that made 0 sense as an allusion bc the kids don’t even look that much like the parent they’re supposedly alluding too, and then the story never continued
I tried to be happy for finally seeing Kia’s bankai animated but I’m just sad that I can’t escape the hellhole that is B//leach
I adored most of the characters and the story and it got me through tough times as a teen/young adult, but after everything, yeah, I’m not ashamed to say I care for about 4 or 5 characters and their interactions and I don’t want to even watch the anime ever again or have got to do anything with other work by K//ubo. The fandom just makes me sad. Not even mad. Just sad. Like I wasted 8 years of my life liking something I can now only relate to the people who hurt rewriting history and coming of as victims
Idk if some of you have seen those tweets and I’m gonna assume tiktoks, but if you guys are just as tired as I am, I’m here for you
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A Question Of Faith
“But Link, I’m not sure you’ll be able to stop him.”
Zelda had never not had faith in Link, which is why he looked at her the way he did now, at the way she spoke slowly and mournfully, cautiously and honestly.
Link laid down and turned over in his bedroll like a petulant child. Zelda, sitting upon her own bedroll, pursed her lips, green eyes sinking. On his side, he bent his knees, curling into himself. Zelda knew from experience that was not the way he slept, and the tense shoulder blades she was given a viewing of told her everything she needed to know.
“You’re only one person,” she continued. “I’m tired of pretending otherwise, like you’re some god, like you can handle all this without breaking a sweat. You need help, you need...”
Zelda hesitated.
“Well I don’t know what you need,” she continued. “But...what we saw today...I have the feeling the Master Sword just isn’t going to be enough this time.”
Zelda let her words echo in the cave as she pondered them herself, eventually deciding upon laying down on her back, staring up at the teeth-like stalactites. It was as if they were already in the maw of a beast.
Link’s silence spoke a quiet agreement. She knew him too well at this point to know that when he had an argument, he argued.
“I wouldn’t have chosen you,” she said.
It sounded terrible.
“Thanks,” Link mumbled.
Zelda’s chuckle was soft.
“No, that’s...that’s not quite what I meant,” Zelda said. “I know why the sword chose you, why Hylia chose you and I agree I just...choosing one person to save an entire kingdom...and someone so young at that. What happens to that person in the end? Do they dare to hope? Do they dare to love?”
“What would you have done?” Link asked, to Zelda’s surprise. “Hyrule is doomed to face the threat of annihilation again and again until Hyrule is no more. You’re the goddess of these people that are in danger because of it. What do you do?”
His words hit hard and it wasn’t just the words, but the way he said them. Zelda twisted her lips, pondering upon what she would do.
“Cry,” she said eventually, so matter-of-factly that Link couldn’t help but smile in secret.
“Good answer,” Link said, turning in his bedroll to also look up at the jutting white stones.
His fingers were clasped behind the back of his head and his unruly dirty blonde hair was out of the blue string. He preferred it that way when he was sleeping, even when mummified corpse of Ganondorf was through to tunnel to the left.
Link furrowed his brow when he saw that a certain divet in the midst of the stalactites was almost purposeful. He wasn’t sure, not being quite as much the linguist as his significant other, but he recognized it.
That’s what was odd.
“Did you say there’s no Hylian writings down here?”
“Yeah.”
“I found one.”
She was by his side faster than the magnesis rune recognized a metal sphere.
“Where?”
“Up there,” Link said pointing upwards, Zelda scooting down to lay next to him. “It's modern Hylian, too.”
“That’s impossible,” Zelda said. “This cave is thousands of years old.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
Link could hear the gears turning in her head, the blonde one that now brushed his. The word was two letters, coming together to make a word that perplexed Zelda, the simplicity of it.
“No?” she said. “Putting aside the question of how it got there, why just “no”? It doesn’t make sense.”
Zelda went to sleep that night convincing herself they were seeing more than was really there, like overanalyzing a fairytale or spouting into the skies that a cloud looked like a duck. Sure, if you squint it could be the word “no”, but it also could have been a coincidence.
Link, however, could not sleep that night. He silently stewed about the fact that the word was in his hand writing.
And how it might possibly be an answer to the question he had been asking in his head:
Can I stop him?
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LO RANT:
Okay, I’m just going to say that I’m really very upset. I hope this blows up and I even hope some lore olympus fans see this but the way that some people are reacting is just disgusting. I’ll try to keep this short because I’ve got other things to do but Im just going to outlet all my rage into this because I’ve been absolutely dreading this episode for a while now.
I knew Demeter’s haters were going to be multiplied by 10000x after this episode and it’s just as I said. I hate it so much, I don’t know why every time a woman cries, or gets upset, or she’s stuck in a terrible situation it’s used as something light and not even taken seriously. Why are the insults of Demeter thrown around as a joke? Why is it that when Demeter does literally fucking anything everyone acts like she’s ruining the world. I know I have a huge bias of Hades and I know I share my dislike for him immensely but even from an unbiased point Hades is not a very fleshed out or well developed character. We’re supposed to believe that he’s one of the good guys and that he’s just framed as a monster and how in his past he’s been uptight and absolutely horrible to be around but we do not see any development. I’m so sick and tired of Persephone and her “love” and her “treatment” being the only thing that carries him. I despise that the only development that he has at all is being “in love.”
I say this because you literally can’t even remember Hades being nice to anyone who isn’t Persephone or doing things that are even decent for anyone who isn’t connected to Persephone. He’s such a poorly written character that he legit cannot find any sort of healing by himself, why can’t we just let him sort out his emotions and do something that’s actually development worthy. He’s always talking about how much of a terrible person he is and how no one fucks with him but he never gets his shit together, he continues to treat people around him terribly and abuse his power without remorse. There is no healing, no love, no development. Like honestly if you give me three valid developmental changes that separates Hades now from Hades then that doesn’t revolve around Persephone, I will give you a fucking badge and I will become a fucking Hades stan for crying out loud.
Next thing is how is this love? How is Persephone having to be the reason of his existence love? How is Persephone being the only thing he has love? The man needs fucking therapy, he’s so emotionally attached to her that it’s unhealthy. This is not what love is about, you’re not supposed to use your spouse or your lover as some fucking therapist or something you’re supposed to deal with your problems beforehand. Not saying that you deal with it all by yourself of course, but you need to have a balance. Too much of anything is bad for you and in this case too much reliance on Persephone coddling and fixing his problems is one of the main reasons why this relationship doesn’t work. Romantically or lustfully, they both help each other because they’re so into how they physically look. Ever notice that actually? Whenever they mention each other most of the time it’s about physical appearance, that’s quite literally the only thing that they share. What the hell do they help each other with that isn’t some form of Hades trauma dumping? Have they ever resolved conflict that didn’t effect the other in a bad way? Have they ever sat down and had a real down to earth conversation with each other that didn’t involve them flirting and lusting with each other? It’s so annoying that that’s literally all of their conversations, not saying that people who obviously like each other can’t flirt but it becomes a problem when that’s literally the only thing they do.
Also I’m so sick and tired of people saying, again, that Hades is better now and that he’s not the same person. YES HE IS. HES LITERALLY THE SAME FROM BEFORE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER HAS CHANGED. If he’s suffering everyone is and there is no in between and we’ve seen that happen so many times, this man doesn’t have consideration for anyone who isn’t Persephone and it’s getting fucking tiring. I’m getting fed up with this comics poor writing, if you wanna parade around and say how developed and well written your characters are please have the decency at least to make them that way. Stop fucking telling us shit and show us please it’s getting so enraging and infuriating.
Also, I hate that in this fandom so many fucked up characters are praised for everything they do. Even to the fucking main character which everyone shouts that they stan and they protect but they don’t even call out any of their faves who have actively hurt Persephone. A lot of fans have such animosity towards Minthe fans but I will say this, at least most Minthe fans acknowledge that she’s done terrible things and they don’t stray away from the fact that she’s not a great person. I’ve seen so many people who favorite other problematic characters not even bring up what they did and even went as far as to sweep it under the rug, gaslight people into thinking it’s false, and even defending the disgusting things that they did. It’s really concerning how this fandom will bend over backwards for the characters who do the exact same fucking shit that they hate other characters for.
Another thing is that I absolutely hate how weird and sexual everything had to be between them, especially by Hades. It’s so incredibly disgusting how every single boob shot, lip shot, and body shot is from Hades’ point of view. Like why can’t Persephone just be in clothes that fit her, that she’s comfortable in, that she gets to pick out. Everything about her has to resort to Hades thinking about sexual things and this would’ve been fine if Persephone was actually in charge of her own sexuality. There are some rare times when she is but for the most part it’s everyone else treating her like she’s a sexual object on display that they can ogle at. Literally there’s so many unnecessary panels of Persephone doing normal things with her boobs out and don’t forget the countless poses and positions that she’s constantly in to make her look weirdly inappropriate as well. I just don’t get it, why can’t Persephone have any control why is her being cute surrounded by the idea of her being powerless with big boobs and a tiny waist and stuff. I also don’t exactly enjoy the fact that the only real endgame to all of this is Persephone giving up her virginity to Hades, that’s what most fans are ready for and that’s how they want it to end. Me personally, it makes me feel uncomfortable that people comment about Persephone finally having sex with Hades and stuff so passionately. I’m not sure why I feel like this but it always makes me incredibly sick, maybe I’m the only one.
But anyways the last thing I wanna say is that I absolutely hate that everyone is just so strict and cruel to Demeter, they can’t possibly see her side of things but they’ll go through hoops trying to defend Hades and bully other people who have differing opinions. Speaking of that, I’m very glad that there hasn’t been any real toxic fans interacting with me. I’ve seen how rude and disrespectful they can get so I really am happy that everyone who views my page are such bright wonderful people. Hopefully it stays like that but you never know, this post might be the one to wake them up. But anyways, that’s the end of the rant and I probably made it even longer than usual (which I apologize for) but if you really made it this fair I applaud you because I know it’s a lot. This episode just really triggered such anger within me because of how powerless and defeated Demeter looked while Hades shouted and insulted her, even going as far as to invade her personal space. It’s all so disgusting and so many people have let it slide which just makes me eye roll. I had to defend her because not many people ever do it seems. But like I always say these rants are meaningless outlets for me and my opinions to write my thoughts down and how I interpreted the media, if you agree or disagree is both fine we don’t have the same brains so we’re not always going to agree. Also, I mean no disrespect to the fandom (that’s not toxic) but I did want to call out the bullshit that some fans do seem to pull with these situations.
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7 snippets, 7 mutuals
got tagged by @rotschopf-thedrow :D ty!
tagging anyone who sees this and wants to participate!
I have a few misc WIPs I'm working on :)
icy nights, icy lights - Nyx/Kaidan, Noveria
Kaidan traced the lines of black ink on Nyx's arms, wondering what inspired the art. Wispy lines reminiscent of magic–or biotics even–were painted on the muscled arms, weaving together with the long since faded scars of war that also made their home on his skin. Perhaps they were a sign of his biotics, a way of showing them off without being able to do it himself.
What would they feel like, alongside his, joining as one, combining mnemonics and dark energy to control the battlefield? Or will he ever know them beyond secret moments of pleasure, flashes of blue held back by years of control and a custom amp and implant designed to keep him safe?
Kaidan hated that he didn't know the answer.
A dark part of him, the jealous part that came about after learning about Nyx's history with Hackett couldn't help but fill his veins with cold ice.
Hackett may not be a biotic, but he was probably more acquainted with Nyx's biotics than Kaidan will ever be.
2. face your own enemy - Regis/Kaidan/Zaeed, continuation of my Citadel DLC write-up
Regis wasn’t impressed. “I don’t give a fuck who you claim to be. I’m Admiral goddamn Shepard, not you. You can be your own person!”
He sneered, an ugly look that marred his face, twisting his features. “You’re the prize I want. It’s time I had my turn.”
Kaidan stepped forward. “And you want to kill us so no one remembers Admiral Shepard.”
“Ah, so you aren’t just a pretty-faced idiot,” he taunted. Zaeed stepped forward behind him, getting closer to Kaidan. The clone pointed at his husband. “And it looks like someone needs to put down your guard dog. I don’t like it when they bite. In any case, a personality change caused by the traumatic death of his little cult? Easily explained.”
“It will never work,” Ashley said, raising her voice. “Too many
people know Regis. You’re just setting yourself up for failure.”
“Really? How unlikely it is that he’s surrounded by people he could have so easily killed. All three of you were so close to dying by fire and brimstone, and yet you continue to follow him.” His gaze landed on Ashley. “And you continue to fuck him.” He leered at his husbands. “He made such a terrible mistake in keeping all of you alive. Should’ve left you two to burn on Virmire. And let him burn in the flames of his own mistakes.”
3. LOTSB - Regis/Kaidan/Zaeed, my LOTSB write up.
“You… died in that armor,” Vasir stated, echoing his earlier words. “How the hell did she get it?”
“You tell me, Vasir,” Regis spat, dropping the remnants of his scarf on the ground. “Take whatever you need, Wren, for your dossier. I need some fucking air.”
There wasn’t exactly a private place to go, so he walked over to the balcony next to the bullet holes. Zaeed joined him, leaning against the barrier.
Regis moved closer, the shoulders of their armor touching. “Zaeed, I am going to be the worst goddamn hypocrite right now.”
He shrugged. “Don’t feel like you have to apologize for goddamn Zorya again. None of us expected to see that. What a fucking–” he shook his head. “Don’t even have the goddamn words to say how angry I am on your behalf.”
“She has to have my dog tags. My ring. God, she tore that off of my corpse! Cerberus didn’t have the full armor…” Regis swallowed down bile. “I felt violated before, but this?” He let out a shuddering breath. “This is unforgivable.”
4. wanna get caught? - Kaidan/Zaeed, PWP exhibitionism and sick!Regis who is tired of their mothering and wants them out of the house.
Zaeed pulled him into a familiar alleyway not far from their apartment, quiet, dark, free of foot traffic. “You goddamn tease,” he growled, pushing him up against the wall, dimly lit by the neon lights of the strip just outside the entryway. “Is this why you wanted me out of the damn house?”
Kaidan only laughed, tangling a hand in his hair as he started kissing at his neck, leaving biting, stinging little marks. He got Zaeed exactly where he wanted him. Riled up, horny, and desperate. His favorite Zaeed.
A little teasing sitting side by side in a booth was just enough. A hand on a thigh. Leaning on his shoulder and teasing him with a kiss that turns into a nibble. A trip to the bathroom to prep himself with a plug, knowing Zaeed recognized the slight change in his gait.
Another reason why Kaidan enjoyed going on dates with only Zaeed. He indulged him and his kinks oh so well, both loving the thrill of being in public. Almost out of sight. Almost out of mind.
One stray look is all it takes for them to be caught.
5. nothing will shine as bright - Kaidan/Zaeed, post ME2 prologue, Zaeed meets the Alenkos (i've been working on this for ages rip)
He found himself halfway over to the barn where he and Regis kept their motorcycles. He thought back to the damn helmets Zaeed had made for them, not even knowing about their hobby but wanting them to share in his. Yet another thing that had in common. Yet another thing that would’ve made their relationship great.
Footsteps crunched the leaves behind him, and he whirled around to see Zaeed, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. “Wasn’t about to leave you alone.”
“Leaving me alone probably would’ve made them judge you even more,” he sighed, leaning against the wall of the barn. “I’m sorry.”
“I wouldn’t make them the damn bad guys yet,” he said softly. “Just worried about their son who lost the love of his life and is shacking up with a guy damn near twice his age.”
“Well, I’ll give them more to talk about.” Kaidan unlatched the door of the barn and headed inside. “Let’s go for a fucking ride.”
6. the SR-1 - Part of my Subject Zero!Kaidan series, primarily Regis/Zaeed.
It had been two fucking months. Two months without hearing anything. Sure, they’ve gone long stretches of time without talking to each other. Normal in their line of work. Not always able to send a quick message, especially with Regis’s N missions that typically required radio silence.
But Kaidan’s mission was recon. Typical UNC bullshit. And a bit of a training venture for some new biotic recruits, as Kaidan had cemented himself into being an instructor like Regis if a need arose for it.
It shouldn’t have been anything to worry about.
It never should have ended like it did.
A whole squad, gone. No sign of struggle. No sign of battle. As if they were never there.
Nothing to give any sort of hope.
Two months since their last communication, well-wishes and ribbing about trainees and so much love. And nothing after.
No investigation turned up anything useful. Everyone lost hope day by day. But Regis never did. Zaeed never did, vowing to use what he could to look into it himself.
The Normandy was his only chance.
7. a beginning - Nyx/Kaidan, the aftermath of their one-night stand that turned into more.
Kaidan wasn’t quite sure what to think about the man lying in the bed a couple of feet away from the bathroom, watching him with those deep purple eyes that said a lot about him. Gene modded, clearly, with a deep hue that contrasted his rough exterior. He had to have been at least in his fifties, if not more, the skin marked by both war and natural aging.
But one thing’s for sure, Nyx knew how to charm a man, even one that wasn’t normally for one night stands.
“Doing okay in there?” he asked, making no move to cover himself up, turning towards him with a grin.
“Just thinking,” Kaidan replied, dampening a washcloth with warm water, testing it with his hand before wringing it out.
“Dangerous,” he teased, running his hand down his chest, toying with those pierced nipples–and what a fucking surprise that was. “Penny for your thoughts?”
He was thinking about a lot, actually. About how he thought he saw a flash of light blue rimmed around his eyes while he fucked deep into Nyx, pressing his weight into him, keeping a steady gaze on him, watching for any reaction that wasn't complete pleasure. Biotics from a man far too old to be part of the first gen, much less any other stable gen. Far too pure to be a trick of the light. But maybe it was.
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I am here to request a little Jerin fic…it doesn’t have to be NSFW, but I don’t really have a preference…thank you for providing for the fandom :)
Hi, thanks for the support🫶🏻 here’s a little Jerin ficlet as requested!
It’s mostly sfw but gets a little nsfw at the end so 18+ warning!!
Jerin is one of my favorite couples and what I love is that if you keep both alive the two talk about how their relationship will progress in the outside world. It was great to see that representation and it meant a lot to me! I wanted to continue to explore that in this fic. I love Jamie and Erin so much and am so happy that supermassive games gave us this wonderful couple❤️❤️ let’s go lesbians!!
This mini fic takes place after Jamie chooses to save Erin over Kate. Kate and mark have are off having some alone time and Jamie and Erin are together and recovering:
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jamie asks. She takes Erin’s hand in hers, squeezing it gently.
Erin has already used her inhaler and has been quiet since. Jamie can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now. The thought of her air being cut off sends an imagined burning feeling in her throat that tears. That’s probably not half as bad as what it actually felt like.
“I am now,” Erin says. “Thank you for saving me.”
“It felt terrible to choose, but I’m glad you’re both safe,” Jamie says. Briefly, she thinks about what might’ve happened if Kate's window hadn't been faulty. For all her jokes, she never really hated Kate at all. If things had been different, would she have blood on her hands? She shivers, ridding herself of the thought. A flash of anger seizes her. Fuck Du’Met and his stupid games.
For now, they’re all alive. Jamie will do anything to make sure Erin stays that way.
“If it’s not too personal, why did you choose me?” Erin asks. Her big brown eyes shyly meet Jamie’s. She looks so goddamn adorable.
“You’re a good kisser,” Jamie jokes. Then, she sighs. It’s been so hard to open up to other people in the past. Anytime it got serious, her mind wanted to push them away before they got to know the real her. But with Erin, it’s different. She wants to share herself with Erin, all her strengths, all her flaws. She’s tired of being alone, but it’s more than that. Erin is not some hookup, and adrenaline isn’t dictating the way she feels. When Jamie thinks about Erin, all she feels is extreme happiness. Jamie has a desire to impress her, to charm her, to take care of her, to do everything in her power to make Erin hers. It’s funny how it’s taken a life or death experience to give her the courage to admit these feelings.
“I chose to save you because I want there to be a future where we’re together. I don’t want to live in a world without you in it. I’m kind of falling in love with you, and if you feel the same, I’d love to be with you if we make it out alive,” Jamie says. There are tears in her eyes, and her heart is beating out of her chest.
Erin surprises Jamie with her boldness. She cups the other girl's face in her hand, looking into her eyes. Her gaze is lovely and intense, and Jamie melts under it. “When we make it out alive, not if,” she says. “We’re making it out of this, no matter how scary it might seem. We’re going to have a future together.”
A surge of love overtakes Jamie as she leans over and kisses Erin passionately. As their mouths collide, Jamie realizes she’s backed Erin against the wall, and she’s sitting on a ledge where she can slot perfectly between her legs.
It gives her an idea.
She decides that she wants to take Erin’s breath away, in a way of her own choosing.
As Jamie emerges from the kissing, both women are breathless and excited.
Jamie grins a bit mischievously, full lips in a smirk, as she drops to her knees and settles between Erin’s legs. Her skirt is easy to lift up, thankfully. Jamie plays with the hem of it, considering her options.
“I want to help you relax in the way I know best,” she offers.
“Oh Jamie-“ Erin says, breath hitching as the other girl plays with the hem of her underwear. “I’m new to this,” Erin admits.
Jamie beams up at her. “You’re doing great. Just follow my lead. I want to make you feel good.”
“I trust you,” Erin says, nodding her assent.
She gasps as Jamie’s fingers circle her entrance, plunging the warm depths of her. As Jamie’s fingers pump in and out of Erin in a slow, sensual rhythm, her legs open wider and she whispers her praise.
Jamie dips her head so she can taste Erin, and she savors the feel of her clit beneath her tongue and the other girl’s moans of pleasure. She’ll look forward to doing this as often as she can once they’re far away from the island. She can’t wait until they’re safe. Jamie wants to wake up beside Erin every morning and fall asleep beside her every night.
“I’m falling in love with you too,” Erin whispers once they’ve finished, and are cuddling together, in the warmth of each other’s arms. Jamie has never felt so alive.
**********
If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading! This was fun to write and the first Jerin piece I’ve done, but not the last I’ll write. I hope you’ve enjoyed your request, anon :)
If y’all liked this, feel free to comment or reblog! I’m definitely writing more supermassive games/dark pictures content 🥰💕
#jamie tiergan x erin keenan#the devil in me#jerin#jerin fic#jamie x erin#dark pictures the devil in me#anon request#dark pictures anthology#the devil in me game#jamie tiergan#erin keenan#lgbt fic#lets go lesbians#my writing#dark pictures fandom#supermassive games fandom#supermassive games community#supermassive games
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Hello JALEBI, how r u doing?
Want to discuss something about Barun Sobti🌝We used to see him as a very fun loving guy, his face was so innocent that it seems he didn't understand the world yet at then. Bt now whenever I see any of his pictures, videos(which is rare) he looks tired,lifeless, I can't feel any joy in him. For me(may be I am over analyzing or something) it seems, he losts the willings for living on its full. He seems as a very numb guy now. I know there is many difficulties in this world which can change people totally bt this is really very sad to see him like this🙂
I want to share one more thing(which is actually pointless) that whenever I become tooooooo much lost into Arnav, Khushi's chemistry🥺, I unwilling start to blame Barun's wife🌚. My over thinking stupid mind likes to think that, Barun's wife was jealous of Sanaya and start to pressurize Barun to quit the show. Cz it's really very foolish reason which Barun used to give. He is an actor by profession so he can't quit or blame his job in order to spend more time at home. U know, bcz he have to go to the shooting today or tomorrow. So why he would want to quit a show which was so successful,otherwise to pacify her wife🙄. Or if it was a true excuse😒, then why he continues to be an actor bcz now he has a child also!!🔥Then my mind says that,does Barun's wife is the reason for his silent mood?!🙂
Person me, if my msg shows that I'm a terrible person🙃. It's midnight, and I can barely think rightly at this hour,just wanted to share these thoughs and clr my mind so sending u this msg. U surely can ignore this msg, if it's inconvenient.😞
Again sorry to bother you
From,
Smiley Anon😁
I don’t know where to begin. First of all I have a set strict rule that -
I do not discuss actors’ personal lives here
Second, you have to draw the line at parasocial relationship. “A parasocial relationship is a long-term attachment to a media figure (a blogger, an idol, or even a politician) based on what a person “knows” or understands about that figure over time. We develop parasocial relationships based on repeated interactions with these figures on social media or on television that make them seem relatable and accessible rather than far away from us “regular” people.”
This can be good or bad. The good is that the people who likes Barun’s/Sanaya’s works bond over loving those actors capabilities.
The bad is when someone assumes their life and marriage without even knowing them in real life.
Can you make a comment about Barun not keeping the best of appearances compared to his contemporary actors (for example Arjun Bijlani)? Sure, but-
(1) Barun is a normal human being who might be going through a plethora of things (the human body and mind are extremely unique)
(2) it’s none of our damned business to figure out why he doesn’t look the way he did ten years ago with makeup and good lighting.
Maybe he has aged? Maybe he hates posing for cameras so he always looks a bit uncomfortable? Maybe he just didn’t get sleep last night? Who knows and who cares?
Also I’m baffled at you heaping blame on his wife when he has been very vocal about just how much he loves her and that she’s been the most important person in his life. Like this isn’t even an assumption. In the little he has spoken it is evident how much his marriage means to him.
Yet to override what your favorite actor says to believe a twisted version of events is… sigh c’mon don’t do that. It’s the biggest way you can disrespect the actor tbh.
Also btw Barun was working 16-18 hours a day, daily, for two-three years by the end of ipk. It’s insane. Tv actors often fall ill due to these extreme working conditions!
What he did then is what we now call a mental health break (which is when people step back from their jobs/duties for the sake of themselves and their mental health). And Barun is neither the first nor the last one to do it. There’s Prince Harry, tennis superstar Naomi Osaka, Olympic human simone biles, global KPop sensation BTS, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, etc.
Also Deepika Padukone was diagnosed with depression at the height of her career.
These people have taken a pause from working because they were burned out.
Just like Barun was.
You can be curious as to how do stars get burned out, it’s their job right? Yeah but no job is fun when you don’t get a break.
Imagine being hours under hot lights, being sleep deprived and barely being home to sleep, memorizing pages after pages of lines on the day of shoot and then when you’re unable to deal with pressure you see fans commenting “oh his wife is the problem,”
I hope you have the sense to see the stupidity in this. Also burning out is an individual experience. Just because we can’t understand why a successful actor would leave a show, it doesn’t invalidate his reason!
He wanted to leave, he left. Period.
He loves acting, but not to the point where he doesn’t even see his family and is forced to play one damn character to its death.
Dude I’d give up writing fanfics if I was forced to write sixteen hours a day without a break for a year.
He got his break and he’s carefully choosing projects with proper time commitments (music videos, movies, web series).
TBH I don’t even know where this whole “blames the wife” comes from. If you love the actor, watch his interviews! He literally blames the crippled working system of TV.
Like it’s no surprise we’ve never gotten Barun and Sanaya to work together again simply considering this toxic discourse where his lovely wife is dragged in every now and then, although I don’t think it bothers them as they’ve plainly stated that multiple times.
Also he was 25/26 when he shot IPK. Trust me at that point everyone knows what the world is and they’re far from innocent. He was a fully grown man. Married with a few solid years of work experience. He knew the world well enough to prioritize his mental health and family over any money producers would throw at him.
There’s a very thin line on how to talk about the decisions you think actors are taking based on parasocial relationships with the said actors and I literally only replied to you because:
- you dismissed mental health
- you’ve been on my blog before and you’ve been very sweet
Anyways, I will not be engaging anymore in this kind of discussion.
I sincerely hope you won’t fall for these delusions any more. And if you truly love an actor, respect them. And respect includes respecting their choices and believing what they’re saying within a healthy line.
Too much of anything isn’t good. Not even IPK.
Hoping the best for you,
- jalebi
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Vol 9 Ch 2 Review
....Man.
Spoilers for Chapter 2
Again, what is with this tonal dissonance between the situation and the characters? It went from, “hehe haha what a whimsical place” to “nothing make sense, and this world is fucking stupid” to “we’re terrible people and everything we touches goes to hell” within a minute. The tone transition doesn’t feel natural, and it nearly gave me fucking whiplash just looking at them interacting.
I do appreciate the more cartoony, slapstick style of animation though. Even if it’s, once again, tone deaf and weird AF.
Wow, Blake is finally a bookworm again. After 6 fucking years.
A little nitpick, but really? Alix and the Jabberwocker? That’s the length you’re going with? Just fucking slap me with a brick that said “it’s Alice in Wonderland”, I don’t think I caught the memo yet. /s
The Dormouse gag with Little is getting a bit tiring tbh.
Two thoughts about Jinxy: 1) he’s kinda cute :3 would pet. 2) Oh my fucking god, please tell me this isn’t a caricature of Romani/travelers, please please PLEASE. You can’t just do something else?? Bro, we know fairy tales are laced with antisemitism and anti-traveler rhetoric but you’re supposed to be AGAINST it.
*flashback* “hey it’d be kind of interesting to see Yang without an arm and having to adapt to the situations without relying on-”
*Yang got her arm back literally the next episode, killing any potential ideas of her actually being interesting as a disable character having to navigate and adapt to her surroundings using skills and wits*
...I’m in hell.
Speaking of Yang:
Yang: Alix was kind of an asshole huh. :/
Also Yang: I’m going to disrupt a public event full of civilians, beat up someone in front of the guards and potentially create chaos the moment I step foot in a foreign community, despite Blake telling me to “when in Rome, do as Romans do”.
Hypocrisy has a bloodline, and it started with Raven.
Another nitpick, but wow, I wonder which is the arm. The two ambiguously looking items, or the scepter that looks exactly the same as the damn arm.
Also, ENOUGH with the Bumblebee pussy footing. “What’s the meaning of love?” “Are we holding hands? :3c teehee no no, just teasing.” Get. It. Over. With. You wanna fuck each other, just do it already and spare me 8 more episodes of your pseudo-queer bullshit.
Again, the tonal dissonance. Ruby’s having a crisis over Penny’s sword (I’ll get to this madness later), Yang excitedly running away, Blake is frantically doing the same... Weiss just walk off nonchalantly. ISTG if this is her stihck for the Volume I’ll wrangle her myself.
Blake: I just didn’t expect us to be morals in a story.
...so, the entire White Fang storyline, in which you were constantly on Adam’s case about being “pacifistic” in the eyes of systematic oppression, continuously making a fuss about an issue that affects YOUR race and life despite barely doing jackshit, and always fucking around when it comes to the reality of a racist world that shits on your people wasn’t a moral journey to you.
Can’t say I’m surprise, Blake, you pasty All Lives Matters bitch. You continued to ignore an enterprise’s legal slavery after TWO people you knew shows you the horror of racial discrimination while your ass was cozy in an island mansion. You can’t be trusted to talk about morals, you lacked them.
Ruby herself is giving me so much mixed feelings right now, more bad than good. She’s broken up about Penny, which is understandable, but I really, REALLY can’t believe her when she honors the poor girl. Not after gaslighting her in Volume 8, not after barely having a discussion about the events of Beacon, not after everything between them that was just Penny giving and Ruby taking for the entirety of Atlas.
She got a W though, for being the only sensible person at the end. None of them know what they’re doing, not after crashing a kingdom and economically cripple another in your absence. So stop acting like they know what is going on.
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What if…? Duskwood Chapter 12
Chapter 11
————————————————————————————-
*Macie POV*
I'm tired...
Last night Jessy and Dan texted me while I was watching a movie. I know I got some important information from Dan, but couldn't they just let me have a quiet night?
I had put me to see the movie 'Legend', to feel closer to Jake being at home.
I don't even know how I was able to work, I don't even know what I've been correcting. Last time I get into other people's love affairs, how will Lian do it?
"Macie?" I open my eyes slowly and look up. "Are you okay?"
I see Jake worried. I sit up slowly, rubbing my eyes.
"Did I fall asleep?" I ask confused.
"As soon as you entered you sat down and fell asleep" he lets out a worried sigh and squats next to me "Am I pushing you too much?"
"No, I'm perfectly fine" I stretch and the blanket falls off. Did he put it on me? I see that he leaves me a coffee on the table. "Thank you… Sorry, they kept me awake last night."
"I already noticed," he gets up, returning to his chair. "I read last night’s chat between you and Dan" I hope he didn't read everything, neither did the chat with Jessy, I don't want him to think badly of me...
"Many new details at once, right?"
I take a sip of coffee. Just the right point of sugar. Did he also notice how much I put in the coffee? He really knows everything.
"Indeed" he begins to read on the screen, concentrated. ". The initials…” he frowns, “J.H."
"Does that tell you anything?"
"I can think of one person with these exact same initials" I see a satisfying smile on his face, really? Do you have a clue?
They call me on the phone and I see that is 'Unknown'. I swallow hard and signal to Jake as I answers.
I only hear a breath and crows?
The caller hangs up and I look at my phone, confused.
"Macie?" Jake calls me, curious.
"Someone just called me." I answered.
He continues to look at me, waiting for an answer.
"The caller didn’t say anything," I looked at him strangely. It didn't seem like the other time, that he clearly threatened me.
"Strange." He answers, taking a hand to his chin.
"He… he must have been wrong." I say at the end, without giving it importance.
"Maybe." He agrees with me. We both had some hope that he might be the kidnapper revealing something else. "The initials on the bracelet" the conversation continues ", match Jessica Hawkins."
"That’s just coincidence." I replied, not believing it was Jessy's.
"Likewise-"
Another call cuts him off.
"'Unknown' again," I look at the screen for a while, hesitating to answer her in case it turns out to be a joke.
"Answer, I'll be earing the conversation."
I nod and accept the call.
But... It's not a call.
It seems that someone covers the camera with a hand. So he wants to show me something.
He has the same heavy breathing as before.
“I want you to stay out of this,” the distorted voice says. With that he affirms that he is the kidnapper, "but you, you didn’t listening." I look at Jake who is looking at the video call with concentration, hoping to see something significant. "You think it's all just a game, don’t you?"
He pulls his hand away and shows a forest. Cleo then comes running on the screen. Has he followed her?
He is very close to her. I have to do something!
At that moment he hangs up and when I want to say something to Jake, my phone rings again. Jessy.
"Hey," I see Jessy who is crying, what happened? Could it have been the kidnapper? "Something terrible happened."
"What happened?" I asked, still nervous from the earlier call.
Why does everything have to happen at the same time? Chance?
She takes a breath and continues.
"Dan had a car accident last night" I froze hearing car accident. Shaking ". He must have lost control of his car. It’s flip over several times." How? No... It couldn't be... He took the car when he was really drunk?! "They don't know if he’s gonna life" she starts crying even more and I don't know what to say "It's all my fault!" She cries for a while before hanging up.
I jump up from my chair. I have to think and prioritize what is important. In Cleo! She's being chased by the kidnapper!
I hear Jake make a quiet throaty noise.
"This video call just now, showing Cleo in the forest…"
His calm affects me. How can he be so calm after the call I received?
"She's in danger!" I yell at him, clutching the phone tightly. "I have to text to Cleo right away."
"Macie, wait-"
I completely ignore him and find Cleo on my list to send her a message.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Macie
Hey! Hurry up and get online please!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wait for a while walking around with my phone, biting my thumbnail.
“She's not answering” I say out loud, more to myself than to Jake. “. I'm really worried!” I look at him, calmly in front of the screen, as if this is nothing to worry about. ”Jake?”
I manage to get his attention by calling him. I don't see a hint of concern about the situation, or at least, that he cares about Cleo.
"Macie, I have to ask you for a very important favor," he gets up, approaching me at a brisk pace. ”I know what I am about to ask you for is highly unusual and that your decision is going to have serious consequences for you” he places his hands on my shoulders, as if he wanted to relax me ”, but you can't tell anyone about this video.”
It is then that I notice something. Jake's hands shake. I try to calm down a bit to focus on him. Yes, I do see him worried, but I don't think it's because of Cleo. It's obviously because of Hannah. The kidnapper is threatening me, who knows how dangerous it is for us to continue investigating and that it could harm her because of us?
I bring my hand to his, trying to calm him down with my touch as well.
"But other than that," I say, ignoring his words, "are you doing okay?"
Jake can tell by my look that I'm paying attention to his emotions, and that's when he lets go slowly. He returns to his calculating gaze, stopping trembling.
"I am sure that the kidnapper’s sole intention is to scare you with this video." When he says those words, his voice sounds as if he wanted to calm me down, which he tried to do... Even if it costs a bit, really. "However, the others may easily misinterpret the behavior of the kidnapper. "
"What do you mean by that?" I hug myself, trying to understand him.
"I am worried that the others may abort the search for Hannah out of fear for themselves." I remember the news from Richy telling me that the next Sunday they were going to do a search for Hannah in the woods. I understand what he wants to get to. "I am actually pretty sure about that."
"If my friends are in danger, then I have to tell them!" I exclaimed, raising my voice again in fear.
"I can understand that this call upset you" he tries to talk to me calmly, but he also gets nervous ", but do keep in mind, it’s all about finding Hannah!" Hannah this, Hannah that... I know how important it is to find her, but why doesn't he understand the seriousness of the matter! What does he know that I don't? What am I missing? "And for that we need the others."
I try to look at his face, almost disappointed that he thinks of the group that way.
“You are talking as if they are only means to an end.” I reply, biting the inside of my cheek, controlling my tone.
I think this is the first time he's upset me like this.
"Please, Macie." He brings his hand to my face, but stops, placing it on my shoulder. "Trust me."
I try to think about the facts so far. The group thinks that Jake is the culprit, I have a connection to the hacker, Jake, which makes them think that maybe we're both in on the kidnapping and that we're wasting their time looking for Hannah, spinning them around to no point. Concretely, when we finally have a good clue.
I look into his eyes, sincere. He tells the truth for me to believe him.
Finally I nod, slowly.
"I trust you." I admits, determined with my words. Determined not to be wrong in trusting him.
"Thank you." His hand slowly goes down my arm, until he takes my hand and squeezes it affectionately. "You made the right decision."
"I did it because of you."
He gives me an almost sheepish smile and I roll my eyes. He has let me convince again. I don't know if I hate that he knows what to say or that I'm weak in front of him.
"Let's analyze the kidnapper’s video together." He walks over to his table and motions for me to come over. I took the chair and sat next to him. He has recorded the video. "Then you will understand why I asked you not to send the video." I nod, taking a breath, trying to calm down. "First there are his words. He says, that he is now forced to take it a step further."
"It's important to him that the message is understood." I answer, while he plays that part.
"Yes" he places his hands under his chin, looking at the screen, ", as if the video alone wasn’t enough." He has shown me that it's easy for him to be close to the group, something curious. "The next thing, that immediately caught my attention, was: He stays hidden during the entire video."
I watch the entire video on loop, weighing on his words and Jake's. It's not about hurting. I don't think so at the moment.
"He is trying to avoid a direct confrontation."
"Exactly," he looks at me quickly, then returns to the screen. "It was not about doing anything to her. All he is trying to do is to scare you. "
I cross my arms, with a chill running down my spine. Who wouldn't be scared by something like that? What will your friends threaten if you don't stop looking for a missing person?
"And he succeeded." My voice sounds broken.
I don't take my eyes off the screen. Hearing his words.
Jake takes my hand, caressing it.
"You don't have to be scared." he tries to reassure me with his voice. "The important thing is that we hurry now" I look at him and he gives me a small smile, but it's hardly noticeable ". Either way, the fact that you trust me is a big help. "
And I have no choice but to do it, who am I going to trust? I can't tell anyone and all for his safety. Security that still hasn't told me why... But this is not the time to get angry.
"I still think that you're missing something." I start to think about what happened. A trigger. "Wait, I just remember something else!" I remember what happened before the video call "He already called me once before the video". It was him! I'm sure now.
"Right," Jake agrees. "You told me that the caller didn’t say anything" I nod "But why should he call you twice?"
I try to think a bit.
The only way is because...
"Maybe something didn’t go according to plan?" I try to give clarity to what we have so far. There's something that has to come together in all of this, this matter "Maybe he didn't know Cleo's exact route?"
"Are you saying he was standing in the wrong soot when he made his first call?"
"Exactly!"
He starts to think and puts on a half smile.
"That's a pretty good thought." He begins to think about my words "Every dingle detail could be the missing piece of the puzzle in the end.
"Or with other words: Good job Macie." I feel a little better now that I'm trying to see everything clearly. Ineeded to calm me down.
Jake laughs. A quiet laugh. A laugh that makes me feel warm.
"Good job, Macie." He seems calmer, too. Analyzing it has done us good "But do you get it now? All these things are sings that he just sending us empty threats.” His green eyes shine decisively at his words "It almost feels like there is a certain line... A line that he won’t cross."
I look at the whiteboard, the photos of the whole group. So far they are safe.
"The question is, for how long…" I say worried.
“All that seems as if it’s not over yet.” He looks back at the screen, focused on the video he hasn't removed yet. "Hannah is alive, Macie. She is just not supposed to be found."
I think so. But I hope he doesn't hurt anyone, this isn't about us having to put them in danger.
I jump when I see a message in the group. Cleo.
She has received the video from the kidnapper.
*Jake POV*
I wanted to calm her down because of the kidnapper's threat, I don't want her to worry too much or it might affect her.
I didn't want to tell her, but I was really scared. More for her and Hannah than for Cleo, knowing that this could have serious consequences for both of them: both for Hannah's safety and for Macie's mentality.
As she talks to the group, from which Cleo has received the video, I watch Macie's expressions. She seems focused on the conversation. I am sure that if I speak, she would not listen to me.
Cleo offers the phone number of whoever she received it from and I check it too.
Hmm… Strange… It doesn't seem to work.
Thomas points out that he says something strange on the video and Richy asks if he had contacted Cleo before.
They all deny having received the video, even Macie doesn't say anything, she remains totally silent. It isn't until Lilly points her out as the person who has received it.
"Jake..." she looks at me worried.
I don't say anything, I let her choose the decision. She has listened to me by not saying that she was the one who received it, I know I can trust her, she has kept the secret well.
I nod and she sigh in relief.
In the end she admits it with the excuse that she didn't want them to get nervous, but Lilly reacts badly.
She took a breath when she saw her reaction. I wish I could step in and help her, but I can't. I don't dare talk to Lilly either, I think she wouldn't be fine with me.
"God! Lilly makes me nervous!" I hear Macie exclaim, getting angry. "Between her and Christian, it makes me want to… rip their heads off."
I can't help but laugh even though she's mad at Lilly, but it seems like a reaction that she controls her anger quite a bit. I understand that she wants to help them and that Lilly wants to stop her because she doesn't trust her. All because of me.
At the end Macie tells them to be careful before leaving the cell phone.
She sets it down on the table and sighs, bringing her hands to her face.
“Another indication that it was an empty threat.” I says, moving away from the screen a bit, resting my eyes a bit.
“Are you saying because it was sent to Cleo as well?” she asks me thoughtfully.
"Yes." I get up and walk over to her, sitting down at the table. "I guess he must have misjudged you. I am sure he thought ypu would show the others or possibly abort the search for Hannah. "
She stops being thoughtful to look at me or try to, almost guilty.
"I would have done just that if it wasn’t for you." Her voice sounds almost like a whisper.
I know I'm asking a lot of her, but it's all I can do right now. It's best not to get her into more than enough trouble.
"Thank you for trusting me" I tell her with complete sincerity. Having someone who trusts me is very important. I feel safe ". I am not going to forget that it, Macie."
At the end a small smile comes out from her that relieves me to see it.
“You better.” she adds along with a small laugh.
"I won't." I replied with a smile. "Now… We should urgently look into our most important lead. "
"The bracelet?'
"Exactly," I nod getting up, starting to walk around the room. "With the initials J.H. " I look at Macie and say my suspicions ". Jessica Hawkins."
"J.H. could fit countless people." she stands up, crossing her arms, with a confused tone of voice.
“But only one person in Hannah's closest circle.” I poke Jessica's photo and she rolls her eyes. "Your opinion on this is of invaluable importance for our investigation" I trying to boost her ego a bit, I think she needs it after what happened. I need her focused. "Since I believe that you are way better at reading her than I am."
She slowly approaches and stands next to me.
She picks up the marker and looks at me.
"My intuition has always been great." she answers, winking.
I smile when I see her more relaxed.
She writes the new clue on the whiteboard.
"Can you imagine that Jessica was in any way involved in Hannah’s disappearance?" I ask while I see how she writes.
"Not at all."
"I would like to analyze the facts that we have so far with you" I explained calmly ", and then make your decision" she finishes writing and looks at me, almost annoyed. "We found out Thomas thinks that Hannah received the bracelet from a guy with the initials J.H. that she was cheating on him with."
"The initials are pure coincidence, Jake." she explains, rolling her eyes.
"In the beginning Jessica didn’t participate in the search" I paced back around the room, thinking, ", but then she changed her mind."
“She changed her mind because of me."
I stop walking and look at her. How did she change her mind?
Wait… The chat last night… The virtual date…
"What do you mean?" I ask confused, but a little annoyed.
Oh no… I see that mischievous smile again.
I hope she didn't notice.
"We've become friends."
I calm down a bit. Better to keep concentrating.
"What about the mysterious caller?" I ask, remembering the distorted voice.
"That was definitely a man."
"You are doing a good job!" I still think that Thomas could be the culprit, he must have discovered Hannah and Jessica's secret and hurt her "What else can you think of?"
Macie thinks, looking at the notes on the whiteboard.
"In her opinion there is something supernatural behind all of this" she answers, focused. "Which is total nonsense."
Well, it's a relief that we both agree that a ghost story can't possibly be real.
“Another thing” I point out, “The call that shows Cleo in the forets, Jessica called you shorthly after that from her house, it looks like” I didn't pay as much attention to that video call as the kidnapper's, but I could only pay attention to small details ”Is there any way she could have made it home quickly?”
"No, impossible." she answers, although hesitating a bit. Right, we don't know exactly where she lives.
I relax a bit and look at her, finishing her important points.
"I think that were all of the important facts we had on Jessica." I frown, still doubtful, is Jessica really legit? ”According to your assessment Jessica is not a suspect.”
"Let's trust my judgement." she blurts out confidently.
She has said that she gets along with Jessica. that they are friends
This is not good for the investigation, if it turns out to be her, she could get hurt.
"But one thing I still have to ask you" I look directly into her eyes, worried ", you are not letting your emotions cloud your judgement, are you?"
She blinks a few times in confusion. Maybe I'm getting too worried about her and Jessica, but so far, she's been the one who's talked to Macie the most. I am concerned about the situation.
"No, never," she sighs, it seems that her tiredness shows itself again. ”I have to get something off my chest” I see her as she starts to think again. ”They could be two suspects.”
"Good idea Macie. Although so far I don't think the facts indicate that there is a second suspect” that theory is curious, but not so far-fetched, we don't really know how many people there are, although I did see one. ”We need to consider whether or not ypu shuld confrot Jessica about the bracelet.” I approach the kitchen to prepare to heat up the food. So much has happened that I almost forgot that Macie might be hungry. I really need her… Her! She needs strength! ”I want you to reconsider please until I will contact you again.”
“Sure, will do.”
Her short and quick response makes him look at her. She doesn't take her eyes off the whiteboard. The call has worried her a lot.
*Macie POV*
Why is Jake so insistent that Jessy is Hannah's lover? She hasn’t given me that feeling when we have spoken, I have not noticed any hint of extreme affection. But if he insists, then I'll ask her when I can about the bracelet.
<< And seriously? Jessica?>>
I laugh when I remember the times he has called her by her full name. Has he been so concerned about the relationship I might have with her? It would be easier if he told me, I was really honest when I asked for his name, maybe he didn't think it was real? That I only wanted to know his name?
I really hope Cleo is going to be okay after this threat…
I try to remember all the facts of the chat, in case there was something strange.
The alarm on my phone sounds. I'm supposed to leave because I've spent too much time here, but…
“Are you leaving now?” Jake asks me.
I turn to watch him heat up the stove and smile at him.
"No, I'm going to stay a little longer.”
"I hope you don't get fired because of me." He plates the food and sets it down on the table.
"Then I'll work with you, what do you think?" I walk over laughing.
From his expression, it seems that he has not been amused.
"That's a bad idea..." he mutters, to himself.
I notice something strange. A wall between us. I wanted to tell him that I've seen the movie he told me to, but now I don't think I can do it.
His look is distant with me again...
Chapter 13
#duskwood#duskwood jake#duskwood mc#duskwood jake x mc#duskwood fanfic#duskwood everbyte#everbyte#everbyte studio
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“Bakery literally got pissed that she started using a blanket for a back drop the way she does like bffr 😭 She finds the tiniest things to get mad about thinking everyone wants to be exactly like her”
i’m not even ashamed to post this non-anonymously because i literally haven’t done anything nor do i have anything to hide. you mustn’t have viewed my 50+ long stories about bandage last year if you think i’m mad over a simple backdrop and changing her theme? it feels like talking into an empty void of nothingness everytime i have to repeat myself. do you forget the fact bandage literally faked and edited dms about me to herself pretending i was ableist and said a slur? do you forget she never once addressed that when me and my friends had to prove she did an extremely terrible editing job on those dms? do you forget the fact she somehow found my vanilla depop that i never posted to any of my accounts and went through my likes and saved products and added them to her own depop to see what i was thinking of purchasing/saving to my cart? do you forget the fact i forgave this girl and was kind to her even after she continued to copy me and even have the audacity to dm me saying “i know you did something like this a few days ago so i hope you don’t mind me doing it too” and gave me absolutely zero credit for my idea, just a lousy dm being like “oopsie i completely copied your post but you forgave me so i guess i can now!” (sarcasm btw, but that’s what it felt like.) do you forget the fact she lied to thousands of her followers saying she “found her childhood porcelain” doll at her grandmas house that looked eerily similar to mine and then it turned out she actually bought it in goodwill??? do you forget the fact she put the items i bought in her own wishlist and later admitted publicly that she did that just to “get at me”??? the endless harassment, stalking and almost imitating my whole online existence was why i’m mad. scamming over $200+ dollars from people in the community including my friends is why i’m mad. playing victim and finding an excuse for every terrible action she does is why i’m mad. she messaged me yesterday and even admitted she took inspiration from my account, so stop defending her. fair enough if she changed since the last time i posted about her on my stories, but i am not going to sit here and let my whole personality be dictated by an anonymous loser on the blog. if you can tell me something i did that makes me so fake, bitchy or whatever else you want to call me without mentioning the bandage situation or me not wanting to see children being shared indirectly to kink account stories, then fair enough, I’ll take the hate, but i literally haven’t done anything to anyone. i can understand if you hate me for removing you during the bandage situation, but i was very distraught and anxious during that time and blocked some of my mutuals that saw the stories and still interacted with her, which i do regret as i lost a few good mutuals over that, but again i was paranoid and tired of what she was doing, I apologise. but other than that, y’all really have absolutely no reason to hate me unless you’re bandage or someone who enjoys seeing posts with minors as young as 15 being tagged to kink accounts. i am literally just here to post cute things and talk/interact with my friends. stop trying to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be upset about when it comes to bandage. i tried so hard to be her friend and forgive her both times when she apologised, because that’s all i can want to do - be friends with people and share things and just exist in a community together. and btw, i’m not admin, and anon was right, i am irish and i do live in ireland. admin posts at around 4 to 5am my time, and since she’s american i am assuming she’s around 5 to 6 hours behind me. i have to get up at 6:30am every day as i work as a support therapist for active drug users, i quite literally don’t have the time or energy to consistently post on here. no hate to admin whatsoever i think she’s a lot nicer/understanding than the previous admin.
(submitting parts of the texts bandage sent me last night, i covered names and personal information but she admitted to copying, scamming and “taking inspiration.”)
Even if the abuse is true which it could be, she still did you wrong.
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Another girl down. I get these ugly feelings, seeing everyone get back with their ex. I get jealous. I got left. I hate when these ugly feeling resurface. I hate having these negative emotions. I resent these people for being able to effortlessly do the thing I wish and long for. I’m so jaded at the fact Israel of ALL the people in my life really misunderstood me. I miss you and i wish it wasn’t this way but I am no longer going to beg to be chosen by someone who does not want me. It’s so hard seeing how easy it is for people to work out. Even when they complain about their partner it’s like but your partner wants you. My ex left me. He ghosted me. He did not give me a bye or I’m done with you. He gave me silence. He gave me no second thought. Your ex bothers you. I’m not saying it’s better but he wants you and mine did not want me. It’s an ugly feeling. You got someone that chooses you while I got left. I am tired of this. I hate feeling this way it’s painful. It’s painful that you don’t want me you’re not interested in me you don’t care. You don’t look for me. You don’t break at the thought of me while I crumble just seeing you active in Instagram or the fact that you made threads. I’m dying for you to miss me like I miss you but it never comes. How could you forget me so easily. I was looking at our old texts on my old phone and I miss you caring and loving me. I miss you. I feel like a loser. I’m literally at home on a Friday night doing nothing but crying over my ex boyfriend. I miss you. I am tired of feeling forgettable I’m tired of being misunderstood. I can’t believe you left me so effortlessly and not only that but you also aren’t dying on the inside for me. Im still missing a piece of my heart and you just get to continue life. Im stuck in this pain and I’ve been desperately trying to move forward. Some days I feel so far from my goals and other days I’m okay with the stillness of not being where I want to be. I’m just sad why do I have to accept these things but other people get to be with their person. Not only do they get to be with their person but they leave me in the dust. Not only do they leave me in the dust but they come back when things are rocky. Who is here for me? Who is my support? I’m just so sad I miss israel so much and he doesn’t care. I just want to cry forever. Is this how you felt when I broke up with you? Is this my karma? Did I treat you so terribly to deserve this? Why did you always put me in these sorts of situations? Why don’t you care about me? Genuinely someone who cares about you will have the decency to at least cut things out but you didn’t hold that compassion or consideration for me. Why? How could you do this to me? I am not perfect i understand that butWhat you did to me was wrong. It was cruel. It’s almost 8 months no contact and I’m the only person suffering. I don’t want you to suffer but why don’t you look for me? I’m haunted by your memory. I wish you cared more. I can’t help but feel like what’s wrong with me? Why do I attract people that don’t want me? People that don’t consider me, people that don’t prioritize me? Why? My best friend does not invite me anywhere, she does not initiate any plans she does not look for me. My close friend dropped me the moment she returned back to her ex. My cousin silently fired me and left me 2 months without work then acts like nothing happened after putting me in a bad place. My ex literally did not care about me he used me. He would blatantly use me. I feel like a loser bc why doesn’t anyone want me? Why am I not enough? I try my best to be a good person to everyone but sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m defective bc of this. What’s wrong with me? I just want to be loved. I want to be cared for. I want to be looked after. I want to be considered. I want to be prioritized. I want to be taken care of. I’m tired of being reliable I’m tired of figuring everything out I’m tired of being the grown up. I feel like the neglected little girl in me screams and cries everyday to be seen to be taken care of.
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2am can’t sleep
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.. the fact that I can see and feel your soul literally when you’re ok and not is a blessing and curse I’ve been gifted… sometimes I stare and gaze into your eyes… I look at your hands and no words need to be spoken… because I know.. at times I hate myself because I know that your personal mental and emotional space… but I can’t help but to enter…. Because I love you, I live you, I breathe you!!!
A love like ours is so hard to come by… so I protect it with my all…. Don’t you know that To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.
I’ll never give up, I always think about why I’ve held on for so long…. May our love be modern enough to survive the times, but old-fashioned enough to last forever.
We are linked deeply through wounds. Pain linked to pain, fragility to fragility. There is no silence without a cry of grief, no forgiveness without bloodshed, no acceptance without a passage through acute loss. That is what lies at the root of true harmony….
When something bothered me, I didn’t talk with anyone about it. I thought it over all by myself, came to a conclusion, and took action alone. Not that I really felt lonely. I thought that’s just the way things needed to be. In the final analysis, i had to survive on my own….But I continued until I learned that I’m not alone anymore..
Time has taught me that until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is…
How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us?
How is it i can survive them, at least for a little while? How is it no one sees how deeply afraid I am, last night, this morning?? I carry theses fears like a secret without knowing it sometimes.!!! I Wear the same disguise everyday..”I AM FINE” “I FEEL GOOD” “SMILE” while hiding the anguish of pain..
One day I want to look back and say that I was alive…. You have kept me alive…That I didn’t turn my back…i haven’t given up!!!. That I tried…. And the wait was worth it…That I actually became ONE with my best friend and soulmate because he gave me his name…That I was happy… that I am happy…
You literally make me so vulnerable. You open my chest and daily open my heart and it means that you’re getting inside me and it scares me sometimes… only because I’ve never opened up to anyone enough to let them in completely as I have let you in…
“a person who values you, wouldn’t ever put themselves in a position to lose you.” I truly believe that so I’d never do anything to put myself in the position or situation…and I pray you wouldn’t either…
All day I’ve been telling myself…Say it before you run out of time. Say it before it’s too late. Say what you’re feeling. Waiting is a mistake… so I sit here at 2am writing…A negative mind will never give you a positive life…. So with that being said… what do you really want in life?? In life with me?? I know what I want.. I have absolutely not one doubt..
I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning… that you have always been the right person… even when we were kids.. The right person but the wrong time…back then!!
I got tired of missing out on something that could be great just because it could also be difficult…or because I felt I couldn’t or wouldn’t be valued and lived the way I deserve…
Lately me Being quiet doesn't always signify weakness. Sometimes it takes great strength to find that silence. Sometimes it takes incredible strength to survive… so I’ve learned to just stand aside and stay quiet…
Just things on my mind at this time at night….I told you it’s hard to sleep when I’m not ”HOME”
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slow hands
+ pairing: levi ackerman x reader
+ genre and warnings: fluff, some angst? but hardly, levi is the sweetest, please do not mistake his quiet affections for apathy or lovelessness
+ word count: 3k
+ summary: based off of a request about physical affection and acts of service being levi’s love languages—which i agree! i’m so happy you asking about that, i could write essays about how physical touch is important to levi, but instead, i will leave you with this for now lol
i. in crowded spaces (so you don’t get lost, or so he claims)
Levi isn’t particularly fond of the way you like to go shopping in the inner walls. He is, however, fond of you; so he forgoes the prissy upper-class men and overall stingy aura of Wall Sina’s inhabitants just so you can get your favorite kind of bread and fruit.
Today, it seems like everyone and their mother wanted to visit the outdoor markets, despite the scheming merchants and obviously overpriced merchandise. From the crowd to the noise level, none of it is really up Levi’s alley; but he has to admit, watching people fail to successful haggle the price of eggs is immensely amusing to him.
What isn’t amusing is the way you keep stopping in the middle of the square, distracted by anything remotely shiny or with a pleasant smell you come across. Levi stops in his tracks, sensing a lack of your presence behind him; he turns around, and sure enough, you’re standing a few meters away, squinting at the price written above the basket of apples in front of you.
He sighs, trudging back to you, and watching from a step away as you scan over the fruit scrutinizingly. The merchant behind the stand does his best at selling you his product, boasting about how the fruit is fresh and hand-picked, and some other bullshit.
“These look good,” you muse to yourself, picking up a single, red apple in your palm for closer observation, “I could make a pie for the kids later.”
“Ah, pretty and she cooks, what a woman,” the bearded merchant smiles, adjusting his hat as he looks at you.
He only seems to notice Levi’s presence when he pushes forward just a little bit, looking at the apples, bored, then to the man, who speaks to him next, “Can I interest you in a basket, too, sir?”
Levi doesn’t respond with anything but a slight shake of his head, before looking back to you. You’re standing upright now, having placed your sample apple back with the rest, unfazed by Levi standing next to you; like you were completely unaware you’d left him in the first place.
He holds back a scoff. You can be so unaware of your surroundings at times, he honestly thinks it’s a miracle that you make it back from your missions alive. You’re also seemingly unaware of just how many inner wall pigs flirt with you, as you look completely oblivious to the advances of the merchant, who offers you two baskets for the price of one—the only caveat being that you allow him to take you on a date later that evening.
Levi lolls his head to the side, tired eyes gazing at the old man who tries to cut himself a bargain. He knows you’re prepared to give an overly polite and nonchalant response to wave the man off, but Levi doesn’t have time for your pleasantries today.
Quietly, he reaches for your free hand, lacing your fingers together firmly before pulling you away from the merchant and the stand.
“Levi!” you call for him, borderline whining, “I wasn’t actually going to agree to a date with him, but the apples—”
“There’s a stand a few streets over that Hange claims is better than anything she’s ever eaten,” Levi grumbles, questioning under his breath about where the hell the piece of shit men in the interior get their audacity from, “And you don’t need two baskets. One is enough.”
Levi doesn’t turn your way, so he misses the fond look in your eyes and the small curve to your lips. He does, however, feel the way you wrap your other arm around his, leaning into him gently as to not disturb your stride as you keep walking.
“But I want to have enough to make a pie for the kids, later,” you tell him, slowly rubbing your thumb against the fabric of his blazer.
Levi scoffs audibly this time. “You don’t have to make shit for them.”
“I don’t have to do shit for anyone,” you smile, “But they’re just kids, Levi. Besides, I know you like pie, too, you big baby.”
Levi doesn’t say anything at that, only choosing to flash you an unamused scowl, before pulling you down a smaller, less crowded street.
“Let’s just get the fucking apples and go home,” he says, decidedly, passing by a group of MPs sharing a flask, “I don’t know how much longer I can stay in the interior without snapping some pig’s head off.”
ii. during long meetings
Levi thinks that if Erwin weren’t Commander, he could probably make a living as a pastor with the way he preaches for hours on end.
It’s going on hour two of this long, drawn-out strategy meeting, and Levi knows that he’s not the only one about to lose his fucking marbles. Albeit, he’s much more composed than some other people around the table; he still wants to retire to his office for the evening. Even the mountain of paperwork waiting for him would be more entertaining than this.
Levi listens, admittedly a little more carefully, when you speak up, offering information about the layouts of a small town destroyed on your last expedition, where you’d lost a member of your own squad. Erwin nods, looking back down at his map to take your words into consideration.
Levi looks to his right where you’re seated, notices the guilt flash in your eyes as you think about your last failed expedition. It wasn’t your fault, and you know that; but he knows, more than anyone, how difficult it can be to lose one of your own soldiers.
Quietly, he lifts his teacup with his right hand, and places it down in front of you. He says nothing beyond an almost unnoticeable nod towards the cup once it’s within your reach, before looking back towards Erwin and Armin.
If anyone else seemed to notice his gesture, they don’t make it known. Except for Hange, of course, who flashes him a knowing grin before resuming her conversation.
Levi knows you’ve finished the tea when he feels your hand resting lightly atop his knee, tapping your index and middle fingers against his pants—a silent thank you. In the middle of his own conversation, he doesn’t turn to you or say much other than slipping his right hand on top of yours, loosely curling his fingers between the slits of yours.
His hand stays there for the rest of the meeting, his thumb rubbing slow, unidentifiable patterns into the skin on the back of your hand; an empty teacup, and a mutual gratitude between the two of you.
iii. when you’re working too hard (or for too long)
If not the gigantic humanoid monsters out to swallow you whole, the paperwork is probably the worst part about being a captain in the Survey Corps. Levi would know, having spent countless nights up reading proposals, approving plans, signing documents, filling out death certificates.
It can be grueling work, even if it is, essentially, reading and writing whilst being sat at a desk. And while, sometimes, he can admit that the paperwork is more bearable than his own nightmares; he knows that for you, it holds no such solace.
If anyone thought that Levi worked himself to the bone, they must not have met you. Your meticulous mannerisms and work ethic could almost make him seem sloppy by comparison. It’s not uncommon to find you training yourself or your cadets into the ground, theorizing with Hange and Erwin, or—Levi’s personal least favorite—hunched over your desk, eyes scanning away at stacks of ink-ridden papers.
You must be five or six hours in by now, if he’s calculated correctly. The last time he saw you was around midday, when he’d been watching you spar with Jean. It’s dark out now, the other cadets and soldiers having retired to their rooms for the evening after dinner.
“You’ll end up a hunchback if you keep this up,” he drawls upon entering your office. He watches as your head snaps up to him; he figured you hadn’t even heard him enter, seeing as you didn’t respond to his knocking. He wonders how it’s possible for you to be so aloof, yet so scrupulous all at once.
Embarrassed, more likely at your lack of awareness than his comment, you push yourself up a little bit, elbows on your desk and fingers crossed. “You’re not exactly one to talk, you know.”
Levi only hums at your jab, inching towards your desk. He likes the way your eyes track his movements as his proximity to you increases, stepping around your desk to stand behind your chair.
“Sit up,” he orders, voice soft yet firm.
He waits for you to straighten your back, but frowns when you scoot your chair closer to your desk after doing so. He takes it upon himself to move your chair back, ignoring the terrible squeaking of the wood scraping across the floor. Well, at least that was an indication that the floors were clean.
“I can’t write if I’m this far from my desk,” you complain, just as the palms of Levi’s hands make contact with your shoulders.
“Good thing I’m not asking you to write anything,” Levi replies, digging the heels of his hands into your shoulder muscles. This would work better with your shirt off, he muses to himself, but this would have to do.
You open your mouth to protest, but your words fall short on your tongue, an exhale of relief coming out instead as Levi continues to massage your shoulders. Levi can feel you melting into his actions, your body going slack and the knots in your muscles uncoiling themselves. He counts about five minutes in passing before he hears your breath calm, too; the shallow exhales of your overworked body replaced with deep inhalations and extended sighs.
He lightens his movements as his massage comes to and end. The palm of his left hand runs across your throat gently, allowing him to tuck his thumb and index finger under your chin, and tilt your head backwards for you to face him. Levi’s thumb pads against your jaw line as you look up at him, and him back at you.
Finally, he leans down, his lips making contact with your forehead for a gentle kiss, “You work too hard.”
“I learned from the best,” and just as gently, you reach your arm up and backwards, your palm clumsily finding its way to Levi’s hair, pulling him down, towards your lips this time, “You take such good care of me.”
“Obviously,” Levi mumbles, stealing another kiss between his words, “That’s my job, brat.”
iv. during dinner time
The Mess Hall is among Levi’s least favorite places, for obvious reasons; but he does enjoy sharing a meal with you, and ensuring that you’ve eaten a full serving to sustain yourself.
He can look past Hange and Nanaba’s overly enthusiastic conversations, despite sitting directly across each other, Erwin’s sloppy eating habits, and the overall rowdy atmosphere of the Mess Hall, as long as he has you beside him to numb the pain. Which is why he’s been exceptionally grumpy these past two weeks, as you’ve taken to sitting with some of the younger cadets during dinner time.
It’s not unusual and it doesn’t surprise him, or anyone really; everyone can see how much they all adore you. Especially Mikasa, strangely enough. Probably because of the way you treat Eren, and how much he and Armin look up to you; and probably because she was your first pick to fill a vacancy in your squad.
He walks with you across the floor, the both of you holding your own tray of food—a watery soup, some bread, and a piece of fruit as a treat. He knows you won’t finish your soup, and that he’ll have to give you half of his bread to make up for it; but he also knows you’ll slice up your apple for him to eat in exchange.
So Levi is not too happy when he sees Eren waving your way, the clumsy idiot almost hitting Armin in the head from the uncoordinated shaking of his hand. You smile at the younger boy, turning your body to walk towards his table.
Levi, however, stops your stride before it can begin, pulling tactfully at the back of your shirt, and forcing you to turn back around. He pokes at the nape of your neck, gently pushing you forwards, and in the direction of the table where Erwin, Hange, Mike and Moblit are seated.
You seem to get his silent message, flashing Levi a sweet smile before turning to offer Eren a sorry glance as you continue to head in the direction of the table with your colleagues. Levi hums when you start walking again, following closely behind you, and turning back to offer Eren a not-so-sorry, not-so-friendly glare.
Levi was getting his apple sliced for him today, whether the brats liked it or not.
“You know, you should sit with them sometime,” you tell him, breaking his small loaf in half to dip it into your soup, “They admire you a lot.”
“I think they’d shit their pants if shorty even came near their table,” Hange jokes, earning chuckles from some of your colleagues.
Levi says nothing and refrains from rolling his eyes. He could care less about the admiration they hold for him, or for you. If Eren and Amin wanted to spend time with you that badly, then they should train their asses off and make it onto your squad.
“Oi,” you call to him, mocking his voice and tone, “Here, they gave us yellow ones today, I know they’re your favorite.”
Levi shoves you with his elbow affectionately, before taking the slice of apple from your hold. He chews gratefully, heart beating against his chest in admiration as you carefully place the rest of the slices on his tray.
He squeezes your thigh in thanks under the table once you’ve finished slicing both apples for him. Sure, he could do it himself, and sure he could technically see you in your room whenever he wants, but that’s not the point; Levi will be damned if he catches any of those other brats with his apple slices.
v. when you come home
It’s not often that Levi becomes overly worried about your well-being, as backwards and apathetic as it may seem to other people. He trusts you, and knows that you’re stronger than you look—stronger than him, even—and he has no reason to doubt you; you’ve always come back to him.
But now, it’s going on eleven days since your squad was supposed to return from specially designed and assigned mission from Erwin himself, and Levi was beginning to let his nerves get the best of him.
He knows he’s not the only one getting antsy for some kind of message—any kind of sign at all—that you and your men were okay. Two days ago, Hange had pestered Erwin for the greater part of an hour about sending just one more tracking squad to look for yours; Mikasa and Armin hovered around for any news that you had returned, and that you’d brought Eren back unharmed; hell, even Mike had come to check in with him, rocking on his feet, asking Levi if there had been any news from you.
It’s dark out now, the day coming to a close, marking the twelfth night since your estimated return date. Levi sighs, untucking himself from his desk, intent on marching down to Erwin’s office and demanding he let him go look for you.
“You know we have to give it fourteen days, at least,” Erwin sighs.
“That’s a bullshit rule and you know it,” Hange interjects, having burst into the room only seconds after Levi; hung up on your lack of return just as much as he was.
Of course she is—you’re Hange’s closest friend. Not to mention, you’d taken Moblit with you on your mission, setting Hange’s work back significantly without the presence of her valuable second.
“I know,” Erwin nods, “But the first tracking squad found no evidence of any bodies. They’re most likely alive.”
“All of them?” Hange questions, incredulous and hopeful.
“That’s what we hope for,” Erwin responds, voice heavy. He looks to Levi, “She’ll come back. She always does.”
Levi knows that; he knows. But he still can’t shake this feeling. He opens his mouth to refute, when Sasha comes bumbling into Erwin’s office, heaving.
“Commander Erwin, Captain (Y/N)’s squad has just returned!” Sasha squeaks, “No casualties, four in the infirmary now with minor wounds, but nobody’s in critical condition, sir.”
Levi can barely register the young girl’s words, before he’s storming towards the infirmary, desperately searching for your familiar face amongst the soldiers in the cots. He sees Moblit amongst some of your other men and hastily asks him about your whereabouts.
“She had Eren,” Moblit tells him calmly, wincing slightly as a nurse rubs alcohol into the cut along his arm, “I thought she’d take him here—maybe in one of the smaller rooms across the hall?”
Levi nods, grateful, and moves so that Hange can squish Moblit with her affections, heading towards the hallway. He sees just a sliver of light coming from a room two doors down, and he doesn’t hesitate to search for you there.
He all but bursts through the door, relieved to find you tying and cutting a bandage around Eren’s forehead. Levi wants to scold you for taking care of someone else wounds before attending to your own, but he doesn’t have time for that right now.
You stand up straight after you’re finished wrapping Eren’s larger cuts, with barely enough time to register that Levi’s entered the room before he has one hand around your waist, and the other cradling the back of your head.
Levi can feel that he’s knocked the wind out of you, but that doesn’t stop you from slowly wrapping your arms around him to complete the hug. He tucks his head into the juncture of your neck, ignoring the faint scrapes along your skin.
“You’re back,” he hums, holding you a little tighter against him.
Levi feels your laughter reverberate through his own body, as you mirror his hold on you; your right hand coming up to cradle the back of his head, your fingers loosely coiling into his hair.
“Of course I am,” you hum, reveling in Levi’s shallow breaths that tickle your neck, “I’ll always come back to you, Levi.”
#aot x reader#snk x reader#levi x reader#levi x you#levi ackerman x reader#aot fanfiction#snk fanfiction#aot imagines#snk imagines#levi ackerman fluff#levi ackerman smut#eren x reader
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LO RANT:
This will be short but I just absolutely love it when LO stans prove my points it’s so refreshing and satisfying for me. Mainly because I’m a sore loser and dread the feeling of being wrong (this is actually true although not in the way you’re thinking, don’t get me wrong I hate being wrong but I’m not the type to double down or insult or anything, I’ll take it and learn from it. Will I be embarrassed? Yes, will I beat myself up about it? Yes, but I’ll get over it. Most I’ll do is laugh in shock or cry in my corner) but also because it’s just so interesting to see honestly. What I mean by this is that a lot of the stans are only here for the imaginary sex scenes that we’ll never get, mainly because it’s on webtoon and the app has access to all which is why I’m always confused that they try and make it seem like webtoon is just this unheard of and adult app.
Like I’m not even being funny right now I’m pretty sure a lot of fans found this shit in middle school, maybe even lower than that so I’m not understanding why whenever we bring up the younger fans the older ones get so upset. Yes Carol, it would not look good if Rachel decided to draw full on NSFW in one of her chapters without putting into consideration the age range of her fans. But it is worrying how badly they want to watch each and every panel of how Persephone and Hades screw around, like they literally need those drawings at this point.
Speaking of the fans’ need for sexual activity, it quite literally seems to be the only thing they’re there for. Every single time I blink there’s another person commenting on how they want to see Persephone getting “pounded” or how “they want to see them fuck each other” or even more descriptive language to describe their insatiable appetite for literal porn. They don’t care for the failing storyline, plot holes, bad pacing, terrible art, mischaracterizations, and even bad character design because they will continue to eat up every single mediocre chapter LO pushes out while begging and pleading for NSFW every other episode. It’s really annoying because not everyone wants to see that shit, never in my years of reading Lore Olympus did I ever display joy or even intrigue about Persephone and Hades doing it and I’m sure there’s a bunch of other people that agree with me, I don’t give a shit if the stans get mad at me for saying this but it’s not just you in this fandom and your opinion isn’t the only one that matters.
Crazy thing is that Lore Olympus fans have been disappointed and frustrated with the lack of actual story since the stans that want sex over story scream the loudest for it. You wonder why the wedding was so rushed I’m sure those stans wanted it to be done and over with just so they could see Persephone in lingerie and Hades with another boner, they’re only here for the “spice” yet their requests are the ones implemented into the story the most. No one wants sex like they do, we don’t want fluff, we don’t want flirting, and we sure as hell didn’t want a wedding. We wanted to see a loving and passionate relationship, one that Rachel herself said that she wanted to create yet we literally get no chemistry or romance between these two that isn’t manufactured and forced. I’m tired of the perfect love story why can’t we just have a love story between the gods? If you’re not going to make it a horror retelling at least make it a bearable romantic one.
But honestly I can’t blame it all on the stans since Rachel seems to be pushing towards only wanting to make sex and fluff between them. That’s all you could really look forward to since you can’t even tell me what the real plot of this story or the message is, it’s all been lost years ago and this comic has been going on for 6 years now. There’s been no progress and nothing exciting being brought to this story for the last two seasons so really the spice is the only interesting part of Lore Olympus as a whole and it’s sad. Instead of doing fan service to the minority in your fandom you could actually salvage whatever remains of your comic by listening to your actual fans who are here for you and your work which is your story, not your ability to draw genitals.
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What I love about the gender and sexual diversity in Juno Steel isn’t just that diverse characters exist. It’s that they live in a world where their existence is taken for granted.
So many science fiction stories make diversity A Thing, even if it’s a really small and subtle Thing, and I hate it. I’m tired of it. I’m sick of far-flung futures where people live in space and have amazing technology but culture is still massively cisheteronormative, and I’m even more sick of worlds where authors try to make it so culture isn’t massively cisheteronormative but don’t lay their social groundwork so somehow make it even more of A Thing, revealing their own biases.
Juno Steel doesn’t do that. Not only are characters who aren’t cis or heterosexual everywhere, there’s no underlying assumption that they should be cis or heterosexual. Juno’s a he/him lady and at no point is this any kind of problem for anyone. In the whole series I can think of two people misgendering him (because they just met him and, like anyone when meeting a new person, go on apparent physical and social cues) and in both cases the correction just isn’t A Thing. Early in the series, he’s fighting a random thug, who tells him to “fight like a gentleman”, and he responds with ‘I’m not a gentleman, I’m a lady’ as fighting banter, and it’s treated exactly the same as if someone had called him a dumb blonde and he’d whipped a wig off and said, “actually, I’m a brunette” -- it’s not A Thing. It’s just meaningless fighting banter and they move on.
The second time, he’s at a party, undercover with his boyfriend. The hostess gets into a discussion with said boyfriend about Juno, who’s wearing a very eye-catching golden dress and very much playing up being a lady, and refers to hims as ‘she’, and his boyfriend does NOT do that stupid fucking thing that cis people always do and stop the conversation to be like “AcTuAlLy, my love’s *preferred pronouns* are -- ”, he just continues the conversation calling Juno ‘he’, and the hostess proceeds to do the same (without doing the even more stupid fucking thing of stopping the conversation to apologise, which is obnoxious and The Worst). It’s just Not A Thing.
Said hostess of the party is also trans, and until the party, had presented as a man with the world’s most eye-catching haircut (she’s a rich eccentric). At the party, nobody recognises her until she reveals her identity, not because of her gender presentation, but because she had a haircut. (It’s also a running joke in the series that sometimes someone will mention an old Earth custom that nobody else has ever heard of, like the one character on Mars who celebrates Christmas. This hostess, who has a Russian surname, changes it to the feminine form of the surname as Russians do, and explains it’s an ‘old earth custom’, which confuses the hell out of everyone -- it must get pretty complicated, changing your surname every time you get a haircut.) Her gender is just straightup Not A Thing.
Very early in the series, we meet a celebrity crime family who make a living off crime and reality TV. Imagine if the Kardashians also ran the mafia, and owned a major TV channel and several prisons and mental health facilities where they were allowed to market footage of the people inside for entertainment, privacy laws just not being a thing (or a thing they have circumvented through exploitative contracts). Everything about these people is big and over-the-top they’re terrible on purpose and if somebody dies then that’s great for ratings.
Two of these are Cassandra and her twin brother Cecil. It’s very heavily implied through the story that the pair are identical twins, and given that their voice actor’s voice is definitely not affected by testosterone, reasonable to assume that Cecil is a trans man. We can’t be sure, though, because that never comes up in the plot. Cecil has an underground torture dungeon where he films a twisted quiz show, once got himself kidnapped by gangsters on purpose for TV ratings, lost his arm in the rescue and now has a cool robot arm. Absolutely everything about him is played up and out-there and over the top for those delicious reality TV viewers. At no point is him being trans ever mentioned, even in passing. It’s not part of his persona because it’s just not interesting or unusual. It isn’t A Thing.
The agender characters aren’t A Thing. They’re just there. The gay and bisexual characters aren’t A Thing. They’re just there. Most of what we know about the sexuality of anyone is speculation based on their dating history; nobody ever comes out to anyone because there’s no need to, there’s no assumption of heterosexuality so the lack of heterosexuality isn’t a surprise. Juno can kiss Peter in one episode and Alessandra a couple of episodes later and doesn’t have to explain to anyone that he’s bisexual. Alessandra can have a fling with Juno and then get engaged and there’s no assumption that her fiance is a man, or surprise that she’s a woman.
Only twice in the series does anyone explicitly state romantic or sexual preferences -- Rita, in a strip club, is asked whether she wants the company of a man or a woman and says “just give me whatever”. (This is a reasonable question to explicitly ask in a strip club.) And Jet, in conversation, once mentions not having romantic or sexual feelings for anybody -- this isn’t explained because HEY LOOK EVERYONE ASEXUALITY AND AROMANTICISM IS A THING, LOOK AT OUR DIVERSITY, WE HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT THERE’S AN ACE GUY HERE. It’s explained because Jet overexplains and overspecifies everything. It’s a core character trait of his, and his sexuality is neither exempt from this nor given special treatment, because it isn’t A Thing.
I’m tired of stories with space travel that unconsciously reflect our own cisheteronormativity no matter how socially advanced they try to be, in the same way that I’m tired of stories with dragons in them that unconsciously reflect our own misogyny no matter how gender equal they claim to be. It’s just nice to see someone get it right occasionally.
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