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#and i should care more than i do about harming. logically i know i should. but i don't care largely and i barely feel the pain.

just-antithings · 4 months

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Anti-ism is psuedoscience and a moral panic rolled into one

One of the most dangerous things about therapyspeak leaving the intended audience is that now antis feel fully qualified to tell survivors how they should and should not be coping, even to the point of attempting to override/contradict the advice of certified therapists.

I've had antis tell me the fiction I enjoy writing is retraumatizing myself, that I am doing harm by writing it; when I responded that actually, my therapist signed off on the stories I wrote (even when I mentioned the specific phrase "consensual nonconsent"), they said that my therapist doesn't know what she's talking about since she sanctioned my coping mechanism and explicitly labels her practice as kink-positive. Antis are attempting to make me, a survivor with mental illness that could ultimately be fatal if I leave a psychologist's care, disregard the advice of the medical professional supervising me when they have no certification at all. This could, if I were a more vulnerable person, be dangerous for not only my trust in my therapist, but it could sabotage my treatment as well.

They are using what amounts to little more than memes, based on misinformation, that use a few intelligent-sounding phrases that very rarely apply the way they think they do, as a wedge to attempt to assert themselves as authorities who can, with certainty, dictate the appropriate course of treatment for a total stranger, including telling them to disregard the therapies administered by a trained professional.

In other words? Antis are frighteningly similar to anti-vaxxers, who took medical terminology they didn't understand, applied it to shaky cause-effect logic models, started a moral panic, used statements generated by that moral panic as a citogenesis-fueled proof their initial starting of the moral panic was justified, damaged the doctor-patient relationship of millions of total strangers, jeopardized the healthcare of those strangers who now believed their doctor to be incompetent for following accepted medical best practice, and fomented dangerous fringe political ideologies that coupled themselves to other conspiracies based on rejecting commonly-acknowledged practices.

"Vaccines cause autism! Narrative therapy that implements any form of controversial kink causes retraumatization of the writer, reader, or both, and starts the writer on an inescapable slippery slope to becoming an abuser themself! It's better to be dead than autistic! It's better to suffer feelings of shame and/or isolation in silence than it is to use fiction to put a voice to your feelings! Your child is vaccine-damaged from thimerosal and is getting sick from virus-shedding! Your fiction caused me to groom myself and you're a porn-addicted monster for not facing your trauma the proper way! Your doctor doesn't know what's good for you, I do! Only I understand how your body/mind work and what treatment is appropriate for you! Your doctor has been manipulated by Big Pharma/kink supporters! The empirical-study-informed best practices for pediatrics/psychology are what's wrong, not me, whose research is carefully informed by TikTok videos and Twitter posts carefully formulated to cause amygdalar growth to keep me afraid so I will continue to engage with fear-mongering content that causes my politics to shift towards the alt-right, who coincidentally also push narratives based in fear, not in medicine! I am being perfectly logical here!"

Antis fundamentally reject empirical medicine just the way anti-vaxxers do. They just seem to get a free pass on it since it's "only" mental healthcare they are sabotaging, and few people acknowledge it as something as legitimate and lifesaving as other medical care.

#submission #just anti things

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sometimesliterate · 16 days

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dr ratio vs. the genius society | an analysis

this'll also be a comparison between ruan mei and dr. ratio so warning for that one too, just in case.

i saw this post by @chronical-lover

and firstly, i just want to say thank you, especially about mentioning how aeons don't care about humans because youre so right. i wanna expand a little bit on the comparison between his character and the genius' that we've met this far.

ratio ultimately failed to be recognized not because he wasn't smart enough, but because he was too human. he's human first, scientist second. he'll always be human first, he doesn't have it in him to act without emotions no matter how much he wants logic to dictate his every move. his entire character is that he believes every one has a human right to be alive, to learn and to grow. he's there to guide them, not necessarily in the nicest way, but still.

i think contrasting him with ruan mei in the story quest was a perfect idea. when you meet ruan mei, she's kind. she makes the trailblazer feel comfortable, even for just a little bit. she offers companionship, tea, and a conversation. but she does not care about the trailblazer or her creations, something painfully obvious in her actions. when the trailblazer was facing up against ruan mei's failed attempt to make a replica of the emanator of propagation, ruan mei was no where to be found. but you know who was, just in case he had to step in ? veritas ratio. even though both knew that the replica wasn't likely to hurt the trailblazer, ratio was there.

" since you're here, i won't intercede. but should you fail, i will be forced to prevent some avoidable misfortunes "

( i hate this man so much )

but he was there. he witnessed the fight, and once the threat was over, it was time to get going ( his words, not mine ). he was there to witness you fight, and should he had needed to, he would've stepped in to prevent us from any actual danger. however, when we approach ruan mei after the fight, and we look reasonably upset from her, we don't get an actual apology. she says she regrets her actions, but her words aren't actually about putting us in danger. she was upset that her experiment fell short, that she had made another predictable outcome.

" you look.. upset, correct ? i regret my actions. there's no defending what i've done. time and again, my experiments have fallen short, and they've always yielded predictable results. i made a clone but it.. doesn't hold a candle to the emanator. "

she did say that she would be there if the danger proved to be too great, but she was not. veritas, however, was. both of them said that they would step in if needed, but only one of them was actually in a position to do so. only one of them took preventative measures to make sure that you were safe from harm. and that is not the genius ruan mei, no matter what her words say.

ruan mei has a flowery way of speaking. not to say that she necessarily minces her words, she's upfront about a lot of things. but she lures the trailblazer into a false sense of security. she's introspective, and questions her own actions a lot. but she's never apologetic about the way that her actions put other people in danger, just that they don't yield the results she wants.

ratio, however, is curt. we meet him originally as a brooding, mysterious figure. he's mean, he doesn't use a lot of words to get his point across. he says what he means, and he's a fan of effective communication. he doesn't have to worry about himself, he knows who he is and how is actions affect himself and the people around him, and that leads to people assuming that he's egotistical ( which he might be , a little bit. as a treat ) but the reality is that ratio cares more about the people around him that he'll ever let on.

and that's where he fails. that's the fundamental difference between him and those within the genius society. ruan mei, herta, screwllum, and the other geniuses do not care about anything other than results. and yet ratio is kind. he's inherently kind, his actions are all for other people. he's saved a dozen worlds with his inventions. he's a scholar within the intelligentsia guild, and a doctor saving his patient's lives every single day. he wants to guide people from the shadows towards the right answer, he wants to make them use their brains and think.

he does not act without considering other people. he can't be a genius first, and a human second. and that's where he fails to gain nous' recognition. it's not that he's not not intelligent enough to be a genius, it's that even in his pursuit of knowledge, he has not forgone his humanity.

and perhaps, in nous' eyes, that's the difference between the mediocre and the genius. to erase every part of you, your emotions, your empathy, your humanity, in the pursuit of knowledge is what separates a genius from the masses. not having those barriers allows you to really dig deep into subjects that would otherwise be considered taboo or dangerous, because you don't care about how the outcome affects people as long as you can study it. as long as you can get answers out of what you're studying, it doesn't really matter what the test subjects are feeling.

ratio is too human, too caring, to ever be considered a genius in nous' eyes.

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aemonds-sapphire · 1 year

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Sabotage

Summary: Aemond scares off another one of his daughter’s suitors… yet again.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: Fluff. Protective dad Aemond.

Word count: 700

“Lord Lannister isn’t pleased at all,” one maid whispered.

The other one nodded. “I think Prince Aemond might have gone too far… sending the dragon after the lordling…”

Cold sweat prickled through your skin as you watched the two girls stride off along the hall before disappearing around the corner.

Usually, you’d interrupt and demand clarification as to what could your husband possibility have done that would warrant such reaction.

But you didn’t need to be told.

You knew.

Inwardly cursing, you paced hurriedly in the direction of the training grounds, already preparing yourself for what was to come.

The piercing sound of metal hitting metal rang in your ears and you looked down from the balcony as Aemond sparred with his daughter of ten.

“Move your feet.”

She clumsily tried to keep up with her vastly more experienced and agile father, only to trip and nearly lose balance.

“Cole told me I don’t move my feet enough,” she huffed in annoyance, her patience running thin.

Aemond’s steps came to a halt, sheathing his sword. “Cole taught me everything I know about swordsmanship. You’d do well to consider his advice.”

She twirled her sword lazily before nodding and approaching her father.

“Yes, kepa…” her voice filled with resignation as she bumped into his side in sheer affection after sheathing her own sword.

Aemond ruffled her hair with a mischievous smile curling his lips, earning a complaint from the younger Targaryen.

You were tempted to let the matter at hands slide, but logic urged you to pace down the staircases to meet them.

“Aemond… we need to talk.”

He turned to you and welcomed the kiss you planted on his cheek, lacing one arm around your waist and pulling you into him.

Your daughter glared at you with wide eyes. “What is it, mother?”

“Let me speak to your father.”

The fiercest scowl twisted her face. “This is about me, isn’t it?”

“Let us have a word,” Aemond interjected, giving her shoulder a faint squeeze. “Kesi ȳdragon tolī.”

But she didn’t want to talk later and a dragon should not be easily crossed. Aemond, best of all, should know this. She was perceptive enough to know that you only request her absence when the issue concerned her. While it used to be no issue a few years ago, she wasn’t as easily dissuaded now.

Her lilac eyes narrowed defiantly. “If it’s about me, then I want to know.”

Aemond heaved a deep sigh before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Clearing your throat, you locked eyes with him. “You cannot keep chasing away potential suitors.”

“Oh? Who was it this time?” she giggled, smile wide on her lips.

She was still a child at heart, finding amusement in her father’s antics. But you didn’t share the sentiment. Otto Hightower had been insistent that an adequate suitor would be found, strengthening the bonds between houses.

But you cared not for the wants and needs of lords, especially when it came to your daughter. What you did care about was how Aemond kept on finding more and more creative — and dangerous — ways to postpone the inevitable, even if that meant…

“Vhagar,” you said in a serious tone. “Your father is resorting to Vhagar now.”

Aemond’s face remained as impassive as ever. “No harm came to him. She was merely hovering.”

Your daughter broke into a laughter instead. “The Lannister boy?”

“Lord Lannister is furious,” you said, furrowing your brows at him, hoping he’d take you seriously.

He merely shrugged, eye on yours with a faint smile. “Vhagar is protective of her.”

You rolled your eyes as he tightened his grip on you playfully.

“She is protective, because you are protective.”

“Tell me something, lady wife,” Aemond said, his other arm resting protectively on his daughter’s shoulder. “He did flee, didn’t he?”

“He’s four-and-ten, Aemond!”

He scoffed. “I am sure we can agree he’s bound to face much more dangerous things than a protective father,” he said nonchalantly as his daughter cheered him on. “If he ran away, then he’s not worthy.”

“You sent the biggest dragon in the world after him… you would have run, too.”

As soon as your words left your mouth, you realised how ridiculous your statement was, especially when he rose an eyebrow.

“Father bonded with Vhagar when he was my age,” your daughter chimed in, not able to hide the pride in her voice.

He gave her a tender smile, running his fingers teasingly through her silver hair once more.

You sighed heavily, fully realising this to be a lost cause. He was set on having the matters of her courtship on his hands and no one across the seven kingdoms would have his mind changed.

“He’s the third one in two months,” you tried to reason with him again. “One day you’ll have to cave in.”

This time, your daughter spoke, “We have an agreement. Father will let me choose my suitor.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You are far too young.”

Aemond nodded. “That is why I shall act on her interests until she is of age.”

You were completely dumbfounded. The bond the two of them shared had evolved into something you had never witnessed before. The level of complicity and union had allowed you to see sides of Aemond Targaryen you had never thought existed.

“But father… I think there is someone I like,” you daughter said all of a sudden.

In an instant, you watched Aemond’s face drop and his fingers duh into your waist. “Who?”

You had to hold back a chuckle. “The Baratheon boy?”

Her face lit up as she nodded, looking expectantly at her father.

“Well, I’m sure your father will have no problem with that,” you said, patting his chest lightly. “Since he’s of your choosing.”

The look Aemond exchanged with you might have frightened the bravest Westerosi men, but you didn’t waver, bringing your lips to his.

“Hmm.”

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond fluff #aemond x reader #aemond x you #aemond imagine #dad aemond

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genderkoolaid · 11 months

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Do you genuinely believe we can somehow change the hearts and minds of billionaires and politicians in power in for example the USA in a way that will actually result in a radical change in and improvement of conditions for folks currently oppressed under capitalism in the USA and hopefully globally? If so, how?

This is coming from someone who really would like to believe pure nonviolence is possible but who does not see much of an actual way forward for that. That said I do not see those billionaires and politicians as "nonhuman", I don't think that's productive and I think dehumanizing anyone who is factually a human person as a practice is dangerous so I am in agreement with you there. Thanks for your time if you choose to share your thoughts.

What I like about Against the Logic of the Guillotine is that it isn't for pure nonviolence. It breaks down the false binary that our options are "let the streets run red with blood until our every thirst for revenge is slaked" or "punching nazis makes you as bad as them 🥺"

& i think that binary is tempting because it absolves us of a responsibility to think deeply about things. if all revolutionary violence is good and justified, then you don't have to think too hard about the violence, you just see it & condone it. If all violence is bad and morally evil, then you still don't have to think too hard to condemn it. Our options are like, moral baby food.

But if we reject that binary, then there is no easy answer. Its not as easy as "yes leftist violence is always justified" or "any violence ever is always unjustified." You have to ask yourself, what am I doing? Why? What does this accomplish? Who is affected by this? What do they have to say? It makes us look at the actual nature of our violence and pick it apart and see where we have fucked up and where we might fuck up again. Its a lot more messy and also requires that we form relationships with others & genuinely listen to what they have to say. Its much much harder than Violence Good or Violence Bad but its also much more capable of adapting to the needs of people in the complicated situations where we find ourselves.

My opinion is that we will not reach anti-capitalism and anti-imperialism without violence. But more than anything, its because the systems in power will not let us. I think the foundation of the Revolution (in a more abstract sense of the word) must be community. We should focus our efforts most on building local networks of mutual support. If people suddenly find themself in a community that has free public food gardens & a community fridge, where people are already practicing transformative justice, etc. etc. then it will become materially obvious that we don't need to rely on the current system to survive. It will become clear that the current system is more of a hindrance to what we could do if we were not being controlled. And then people will be more likely to support any revolutionary violence that becomes necessary, because they will see their neighbors and know that when the dust settles, they know how to care for each other through shitty situations. Violence should really be the topping on a cake of community & indispensability politics.

Also this line from AtLotG really changed my perspective on "punishing the rich":

The worst punishment anyone could inflict on those who govern and police us today would be to compel them to live in a society in which everything they’ve done is regarded as embarrassing—for them to have to sit in assemblies in which no one listens to them, to go on living among us without any special privileges in full awareness of the harm they have done. If we fantasize about anything, let us fantasize about making our movements so strong that we will hardly have to kill anyone to overthrow the state and abolish capitalism. This is more becoming of our dignity as partisans of liberation.

"If we fantasize about anything, let us fantasize about making our movements so strong that we will hardly have to kill anyone to overthrow the state and abolish capitalism" really sums it up for me.

#sorry if this is kind of a mess i am So pain and fatigue rn #my body is taking disability pride month way too seriously #m.#ask box

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pinksobg · 3 months

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How to atract better the lover|love you so deserve

already in a relationship and single reading

for reflection only. hope it resonates and you enjoy. hope you all are doing very well :)

pile one - singles -

dolphin - 20 - true.

When meeting someone new, preferably tell the truth from the beginning and don't settle for anything less than respect for the person you are from the beginning. The advice is to be spontaneously you, the carefree energy, being true to your personalities and tastes. "I like this, I like that, I don't like this".

hermit - get to know yourself, and you can even reinvent yourself or, better yet, another skill or quality of yours, valuing your individuality.

the moon reverse - the tip is to also think about the practical, logical and tangible world and not just (and only) feelings. a balance between reason and emotion is advisable.

6 of Wands reversed - if necessary, correct your postures that harmed you in the past.

-----

in a relationship -

27 - fox - think quickly

30 - grasshopper - take a leap of faith

The advice from the cards here are basically to invest in your relationship. analyzing the responses you give to your partner on a daily basis or when you meet. If you tend to respond impulsively to a text message, for example, when you're angry, try taking a step back: take a break to do something else and then analyze the situation again: "Should I really talk like that?" "Now, do I understand myself and my partner better?"

about the grasshopper. Both, seek to strengthen trust in the relationship. whether with open conversations or questions, like, "what do you think we can improve in our relationship?"

I wish the best for you! If necessary, seek professional help. trust yourself.

-------------------------------------------------

pile 2 - singles -

39 - moth - surrender.

connect with your spirituality.

38 - lizard - make your dream come true.

The advice is to go after a dream, especially if it's a good old dream that you still want to fulfill. It can also be going to a place, doing a hobby that you've always dreamed of, when and if possible.

what great messages!

hierophant - if you want, try to avoid listening to the unnecessary judgments and prejudices of others. live well according to your values, value them, if you want, value and/or invest in your lifestyle.

king of wands - take action when necessary and do the things you are passionate about, or add passion/love/appreciation towards your actions.

7 of Wands - stay true to yourself, protect yourself with healthy boundaries.

-- in a relationship -

oh, yes!

31 - groundhog - time to forget

reverse judgement, page of hearts, the fool, 7 of hearts, 4 of hearts.

well then! the message is apparently advice to learn to forgive your partner if necessary and if you want to<. especially if there are past hurts. learn to forgive and be forgiven. either with a frank conversation and/or inner meditation on the events.

It is advisable here to connect with new people: friends, family. even beloved animals. Receiving loving energy from other people or areas of your life can be beneficial to your healing process.

explore more, have a snack with a friend, visit family, pet a beloved animal, whatever you want. take yourself for going out.

If you like the idea, talk to your partner about it, about forgiveness and each other being able to have a good moment of individuality if this is your case (or one of these is your case).

I wish all the best! Seek professional help if necessary. take good care of yourself.

----------------------------------------

pile 3 - singles -

oh! sharpen mind! good!

38 - lizard - make your dream come true

Ask yourself what your ideal life, your ideal relationship, would be like. How can you contribute to your good dreams right now?

12 - canary - sing your own song

invest in self-love and listening to yourself

queen of spades - again, assertiveness and honesty in your reading. Don't accept less than you deserve and speak for yourself when you want/necessary

10 of swords - if you want, heal yourself from past pains; as with good physical and mental rest

hope you be a lot of happy!

-----

in a relationship -

31 - groundhog - time to forget

24 - eel - bring your ideas to life

the advice in the cards is to learn to also listen to your voice in the relationship, also value yourself, your ideas. You are also a person who deserves to be heard and valued. Another piece of advice from the cards is to learn to forgive and be forgiven. These achievements, improving the relationship, if you wish, can be done with a little more self-love, investigation of your own feelings, desires, needs and ideas. Don't feel alone and seek help if necessary and desired. open and calm communication, preferably, about these important issues such as forgiveness, emotional responsibility, etc., can help your relationship if that is the need. remember that you are important and valid.

If necessary, seek professional help and be very happy, giving yourself more peace and a voice.

#hope you enjoy :)#tarot community #pick a card #tarotblr #thank you #tarot reading #pick a pile #free tarot #pick a picture #pick a photo #love reading

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mrsshabana · 1 year

Note

Hiiii! I’m new here, go by El online. Can I give you a prompt/ask?

Can you please do a fic with fem reader x Gyutaro, where she met him in the entertainment district and instead of being scared when he attacked someone who was harassing her, she took his hand and told him not to hurt himself anymore? She used to struggle with self-hatred too, so she knows where he’s coming from—and when they start making out, she admits she doesn’t feel safe being bottom…and Gyutaro ends up subbing for her and liking it?

Thanks!

♥CW: 18+ content, MDNI, smut, creampie, sub!Gyutaro, dom!Reader, mentions of self harm

♥AN: Thank you so much for the request! Sorry it took me awhile to get to it, but I hope you like it! I don't get to write for canon Gyutaro much, so this was very fun! (*^▽^*)

♥WC: 1,503

It all happened so fast. Only a moment ago, you were being pushed against the brick wall of a dark alleyway. A drunk man restraining your wrists with one hand as his other goes to tear open your kimono.

But almost as soon as it had began, it was ended in a flash of blood. The man fell to the ground, blood pooling everywhere. And a strange figure stood before you.

The moment your gaze connects with his, it is clear to you that he is no human. But even so, he did just save you.

"Th-thank you," you stutter. Struggling to maintain eye contact with the terrifying demon.

He looks taken aback by the fact that you have thanked him. "Uh... you're welcome." He mumbles.

You end up introducing yourself to him, and he introduces himself in return, as Gyutaro.

Gyutaro is shocked that you are being so kind to him. Yeah he just saved you, but every time he has helped a human out he never received such kind words in return.

Seeing a woman being taken advantage of angers Gyutaro more than it should. He strictly believes that the women in the district deserve to be paid for their services, and should never be forced to perform sexual acts against their will.

There's a pause of awkward silence. Gyutaro begins to get nervous, the way that you look up at him with your big, innocent, doe eyes makes his knees weak. You are so pretty, yet you aren't running away?

Without noticing it, he begins to scratch his neck. His nails dig deep under his skin, creating wounds that heal seconds later.

"Hey!" you shout, reaching out and grabbing his hand, "Don't hurt yourself."

Gyutaro's eyes go wide and he snatches his hand away from your grasp, "Why do you care? It's none of your business anyways!"

"I used to hurt myself too," you sigh, "I know it is hard to stop. But you seem like a very nice man, there is no need to hurt yourself."

"A-a nice man?" he mumbles, shocked, "No... I'm just an ugly demon. Can't you see?"

"Yes, I can see you perfectly well," against your better judgment you take a step forward. Closing the gap between you and the dangerous demon. Bringing your hands up to cup his cheeks, "You aren't ugly at all. Don't be so hard on yourself..."

Gyutaro is left speechless. Never had a human had the confidence to do something so bold. Do you have no regard for your own life? Or are you just that grateful?

You don't know what it is, but something about this demon intrigues you. Sparks something within you that no one before ever has. You have delt with self hatred in the past, and seeing this man-eating demon struggle with the same thing breaks your heart. All you want to do is comfort him... get closer to him... love him. With a smile, you lean forward and kiss his lips.

Your lips are soft and warm against his. His heart pounds away in his chest, and all logical thought goes out the window. He doesn't know why, but all he can think about is how badly he doesn't want this to end. How badly he wants to soak in your affection, the affection that he has been denied for his entire life. Now is his chance to finally have it.

After the initial shock wears off, Gyutaro closes his eyes and returns the kiss. Hesitantly following your lead, gently holding onto your waist and pulling you closer. When you gently glide your tongue along his lips, he slightly parts his lips to give you access. Relaxing as your tongues dance in the passionate kiss.

It doesn't take long for Gyutaro to get riled up. Pressing his hips against you, his hard-on evidently felt through his pants.

"C-can we go somewhere more private?" you whimper, looking up at him with a flustered expression.

He nods, "Course..."

Carefully picking you up, Gyutaro takes you to an upstairs room in the Kyogoku house. It's dark and a bit dusty, but not too dirty. There is a large futon on the floor that looks rarely used.

Gyutaro lays you down on your back, before climbing on top of you. Grabbing your leg and wrapping it around his waist, he goes in to continue the kiss. But you stop him.

"Um, Gyutaro... I'm not too comfortable being on the bottom. Would you mind if we maybe switched places?"

Gyutaro furrows his brows in confusion. To be completely honest, he doesn't have much sexual knowledge so this is quite peculiar to him. Every time he's seen human have sex, it was with the man on top. But he likes you a lot, and wants to make sure you are comfortable. It isn't everyday he gets an opportunity like this.

"Ok, sure," he nods. Promptly laying on his back, giving you room to straddle him.

"Thanks," you whisper before guiding him back into the kiss. Moving your hips back and forth, grinding against him. Resulting in him moaning desperately into the kiss.

Something about Gyutaro is bringing out all of your carnal desires. Never have you felt the need to go so far with someone that you barely know. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he is a dangerous demon? Or maybe it has to do with how he saved you earlier?

Either way, all you know is that you need him now. Wasting no time, you remove your kimono and slide off your panties. Exposing your bare body to the gaze of the demon below you.

Watching as he shamelessly stares at you, his grip on your thighs tightening.

"Are you ready, Gyutaro?" you ask while tugging at the hem of his pants.

"Y-yeah," he pants, moving his hips up so you can pull his pants down. Which you promptly do, releasing his throbbing cock.

The same spots that decorate his body appear on his shaft too. Giving it a unique appearance. One that Gyutaro is ashamed of, but one that you find quite attractive. Not only that, but it is also larger than you had expected. Making you glad that you are on top. You can't imagine how much it'd hurt if he just drove into you with that thing. He is a demon after all, so who knows how much he'd care for your comfort.

Grabbing his base, you glide his tip along your slick folds. Coating him enough so he can slide in with more ease.

But it isn't easy. When you start to lower down on him, it hurts, the stretch is more painful that you had anticipated.

So, you take it slow. Lowering yourself inch by inch until you manage to fully fit him inside. At this point, Gyutaro is a moaning mess. His eyes are squeezed shut, head tilted back, and he has a firm grip on your ass.

He almost loses it when you start bouncing on top of him. Moaning loudly with each move of your hips.

You can't help but admire the sharpness of his teeth every time he parts his lips. This demon seems very dangerous and has probably killed and eaten hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Yet here he is, completely helpless beneath you.

That thought causes you to grow even wetter, and fuck him even harder.

"You like that Gyutaro? Do you feel good?" you coo, leaning forward to cup his cheek.

"Ngh, y-yeah... ah, fuck... feels-feels really g-good," he whines in between moans.

It takes every ounce of his strength to not immediately cum, but it's getting impossible for him. You're just so warm, so tight, and showing him so much affection. He can't help himself.

Holding onto you firmly, Gyutaro thrusts up to meet your hips. Ramming his sharp hip bones into your soft flesh. After a few thrusts he's arching his back and cumming inside of you. His chest heaves as high-pitched moans escape his lips.

But you don't stop. Even though he may have finished, you have not. So you continue riding him. Gyutaro bites his lip, trying to muffle his moans as you overstimulate him. He doesn't want to disappoint you. He wants to make you cum too, so he stays still for you.

It doesn't take long before your orgasm hits you. Gyutaro holds onto you tightly as you tremble above him, moaning his name. He absolutely loves it.

Not bothering to remove his cock from inside of you, you lay on his chest. The both of you panting, recovering from your orgasms.

You don't know what to expect, and you are afraid to ask. What if he decides to eat you? He's had his fun, so nothing is stopping him.

But instead, Gyutaro wraps his arms around you and nuzzles into your hair.

"Y'know... I normally don't get friendly with humans," he takes a deep breath and sighs, "But I guess I wouldn't mind seeing you again."

#gyutaro #gyutaro shabana #gyutaro smut #gyutaro x reader #gyutaro x y/n #replies #kny smut #demon slayer smut #dom reader

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mccromy · 2 months

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In regards to why Yue Qingyuan is like that when it comes to Shen Jiu, I have some thoughts.

To begin with, I always interpreted their relationship as purely platonic/familial (though perhaps with potential to turn into something else had things been different. I think their personalities are compatible in that way.)

Because of that, I empathize with Yue Qingyuan from my place as the oldest sibling, and because of it I think I can understand him when it comes to his behavior regarding Shen Qingqiu. (Because of that, I admit I'm not objective, so don't take this as a serious analysis and just my thoughts)

And for this I feel that Yue Qingyuan, more than allowing Shen Qingqiu to do what he pleases because he feels guilty, feels responsible for Shen Qingqiu's actions. He doesn't let Shen Qingqiu abuse his disciples, be hostile towards their fellow peak lords, and "engage in debauchery" just because he doesn't want to further strain their relationship, but because all of this is his fault.

When Shen Yuan first transmigrated and Yue Qingyuan asked him to stop punishing Luo Binghe, it didn't feel like he was making an attempt to stop Shen Qingqiu from further abusing the boy, but like the admonishment of an older sibling telling their little brother to stop acting a certain way. A "why are you doing this? You are not getting anything out of it, there's no reason for this other than you being cruel, stop it." Had Yue Qingyuan been making an attempt to stop him from harming his disciple, he would've actually put an end to it. He's the sect leader, he could just take Luo Binghe to another peak if not outright order Shen Qingqiu to stop.

There was a time my younger sister started bullying a classmate, she didn't see it as such, and I know she's not purposely cruel but she was young and thoughtless. In that situation I didn't take the other kid's side and reprimanded her harshly, yelled at her for being mean, ordered her to stop. I asked her why she did that (boy was annoying/everybody else was doing it too (and so it couldn't be wrong)) and told her that what she was doing was cruel, that everybody was being cruel to that boy, explained to her how bullying works, asked her how would she feel if she was annoying and everybody made fun of her, and asked her if she wanted to be a bully.

Yue Qingyuan said something along the lines of ''that boy hasn't done anything wrong, he tries so hard, aren't you tired? Hasn't it been enough?" He didn't take Luo Binghe's side like he should have, but he appealed to Shen Qingqiu's logic. He knew Shen Qingqiu and had an idea of why he was doing it, and addressed it calmly, tried to convince him to stop because there was no point, he was only making himself angry. He wasn't assertive either, only coaxing, because he also felt all of this was his fault. And not only that;

I believe Yue Qingyuan genuinely loved Shen Qingqiu, but he didn't like him anymore, and he felt terrible for it. He cared so much for him, yes, Shen Qingqiu was the only person he actually cared about and he couldn't be objective when it came to Shen Qingqiu. But he was constantly exasperated by him, he was so disappointed, and he knew he could like him again if Shen Qingqiu just stopped acting so caustically. But what right did he have to dislike Shen Qingqiu after how he failed him? If Shen Qingqiu acted like this it was because he was hurt, and whose fault was that?

Love and like do not always go hand in hand.

Think about a parent, a friend, a sibling, an aunt or an uncle. Someone you loved so much as a child and who was good to you. Someone who gave you gifts and played with you and heard you ramble and rant for hours, who defended you from others, who always had a smile for you. Now think about the time you realized they were a bigot, or that they yell to waiters, are cruel to animals. That they hit their partners or their children. You felt disappointed (and even betrayed) but you still loved them, you just didn't like them anymore, and you could no longer trust them, but if something happened to them, you'd be inconsolable. And you just know that if they just stopped you would like them again, you'd be so proud, you'd be so happy. In many cases like this what actually happens is that people feel guilty for loving someone so awful. In Yue Qingyuan's case, he felt guilty for not liking him.

Shen Jiu was not a good man, but he was hurt and the world had never been kind to him, so Yue Qingyuan took it upon himself to be unconditionally kind to him (even if he didn't realize that the way he chose to be kind also hurt Shen Qingqiu) and Yue Qingyuan was also the reason why Shen Qingqiu was so hurt, if Shen Qingqiu was cruel or violent, the blame fell on Yue Qingyuan's shoulders. How could he even dare to side eye Shen Qingqiu for how he behaved, when he wouldn't be like this if it weren't for Yue Qingyuan?

Yue Qingyuan's guilt doesn't come solely from not getting Shen Qingqiu out of Qiu manor, but from every single consequence that followed his failure. He's at fault for any and all of Shen Qingqiu's sins. He is also the only person who will ever be good to Shen Qingqiu, who knows he isn't the monster he made himself to be. He has no right to be disappointed in Shen Qingqiu's actions because they are his fault, he would never dare impose his own will above Shen Jiu's because hasn't Shen Jiu been subjected enough to the whims of others? he will never use his authority to stop him, he's the only ally Shen Jiu has, and he's also the only person in the whole sect with power over Shen Qingqiu, not only because of his position as sect leader, but because of how well he knows Shen Qingqiu, his secrets, his past and weaknesses. This puts him in a position to hurt Shen Qingqiu in ways no other could, to damage beyond what any other would be able to.

Yue Qingyuan's regrets are way more complex than what people make them out to be. Yue Qingyuan is aware that his silence about the fact that he did come back but was too late wounds Shen Qingqiu deeply, and the longer he doesn't explain himself the more Shen Qingqiu hurts. But this is also the only way he has of punishing himself, and he also feels guilty about it.

Imagine how he must see his own situation, Yue Qingyuan is respected and well liked, rich and powerful, he will never have to submit to other's wishes, he is free, untouchable, his brother is alive and healthy and close by. He has it all and more than he ever dreamed of, and deserves none of it, how could he ever allow himself to be forgiven? When in the end he's the person who has hurt Shen Jiu the most.

There are more reasons why he keeps quiet about the Linxi caves, most stem from trauma, and I believe his own need for punishment is one of them.

So when I see his behavior being reduced to ''he doesn't want for sqq to hate him more'' or ''he's just ashamed and guilty'' I feel sad because, Shen Jiu might be the most misunderstood character by other characters in the story. But Yue Qingyuan is the most misunderstood character by the fandom.

#yqy loving hours continue #Yue Qingyuan #svsss #yqy #mip #i was like. if my sister acted like that and I had the same baggage as yqy. would i act any different? 🤔#and the answer was: I don't think so #a consequence of shen jiu being so mischaracterized by fandom is that people mischaracterize everybody else as well tbh #''if Shen Jiu did nothing wrong but everybody acts like he did then everybody else must be wrong!'' ma'am he did some things wrong #the whole plot of pidw stems from the things he did wrong #did he do everything he was accused of? nope. did he do some of those things tho? oh hell yeah #not a huge fan of the whipping kids thing. but killing his abuser and burning down a manor was so cool of him. based

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serialunaliver · 3 months

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My response to this post about the possibility of Michigan school shooter Ethan Crumbley's mom being charged with involuntary manslaughter I was tagged in (putting it in a separate post because I don't feel like starting shit with anyone):

The case here being used is unique to other shootings. Typically mental illness is not actually the primary deciding factor for violence. Media coverage of school shootings has caused more school shootings than mental illness. A large amount of school shooters were inspired by the ideology of other school shooters. If Columbine wasn't treated the way it was I have no doubt there would've been less shootings.

When it comes to negligence involving mental health I don't actually see a big increase in surveillance or institutionalization as some are claiming though. The fact is parents can already use mental health as an excuse to force their kids into abusive 'treatment' with no consequence. It happens in every psych ward. It's also already used in legal cases as well, that happened to me and it did in fact lead to being forced into harmful treatment, so really the precedent and incentive is already there for those who choose it in my opinion. Meanwhile there's the opposite case where parents would rather their kid cause destruction than admit any mental health issue exists regardless of consequence. Logic is thrown out the window for the most part.

Now the defense of Ethan's mom is claiming he is a manipulator and not mentally ill. While anyone who follows me knows I despise the mental health argument about school shootings, it's quite clear this kid's actions prior to the shooting were at the very least a cry for help. He didn't try to make this secretive and even drew pictures of it. If his parents didn't care about this, it's possible he's neglected in some way at home, which can actually lead to antisocial behavior and acts of violence or threats of them, because, well, one would assume your parents would finally give a fuck about your well-being in that case. I'm diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder partially due to "manipulative behavior" in the past which seemed horrible and illogical but was literally the only way I thought anyone would know I was hurting. Obviously I don't know if this is what's actually going on in Ethan's case, but what everyone can agree on is the parents' response to all this was not normal or acceptable and doesn't exactly paint an image of a well-adjusted family. And I do wonder if the "manipulator" argument comes from the (most common) perception that anyone with this behavior was just born evil.

ANYWAY, here are some articles/resources on common causes of school shootings and how media coverage and environment impact them, both to spread awareness and to point out that you should not in fact paint anyone as born evil or a future shooter just for certain issues.

• Bullies, black trench coats: Columbine’s most dangerous myths

• Violence has grown since California's incel shooting

• Who is most likely to get bullied at school?

• School shootings and student mental health (Includes more detailed statistics but some are misleading - the one on bullying is based on public perception of shootings, not actual cases, and the one on violent video games has no real correlation. Let this be a reminder to research your own sources!)

#school shooting #seriousposting

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lisbeth-kk · 2 months

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Sherlock fandom

Big Brother’s Observations

Since the day I held Sherlock in my arms for the first time, I loved him fiercely and I instantly wanted to keep him out of harm’s way, whatever the cost. I was only seven years at the time, but I tried my best to keep my promise.

At first, it was easy. Child’s play, so to speak. He followed me with his eyes, always smiling, filling my chest with warmth and joy. When he learnt to walk, he never let me out of his sight. Where I went, he was close behind.

I taught him everything I knew about nature; biology, geology, meteorology, when we were outdoors, mathematics, languages, history, geography and logic reasoning when the weather was bad, and we stayed in Father’s library or in my room. He was like a sponge, and it became quite clear that he was above average intelligence; just like me.

However, there was a big difference in our personalities. Where I avoided other people, Sherlock couldn’t get enough of studying and talking to others. For a while…

The other difference between us was sentiment. He was full of it, I was empty, apart from my undying love for my brother. I told him he would get hurt if he wasn’t on the alert. He was naïve and always thought every person was good and meant well. For a while…

***

My heart broke several times during the years, and in the centre of it was Sherlock. His tears and sobbing were unbearable to witness.

“Why do they hate me, Myc?” he cried so many times, I lost count.

“You must stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, Sherlock,” I told him. “Everyone will take the opportunity to hurt you if they know you’ll react like this. There doesn’t need to be a reason other than they want to see you cry. People are evil like that. Sentiment is never an advantage, brother mine.”

He wouldn’t believe me. Not at first. It was a hard lesson for him, and I hated every single person who dared to give my brother such a difficult time, but finally he managed to put up an armour of indifference. I knew how much effort it was for him to maintain it, because I caught him more than once crying himself to sleep after the more trying days.

When he started university, the contact between us was sparse at best, but I kept my eyes on him of course. Alas, I was unable to foresee and stop his drug addiction before it was too late. By then he hated the sight of me, which broke my heart in a totally different way. He turned his back on the one person who wished him well. It was a blind spot he dealt with for years, put there by me.

***

I couldn’t believe my luck when Sherlock met Gregory Lestrade of New Scotland Yard. The detective saw Sherlock’s potential and promised him work if he got clean, which he achieved in record time.

Despite the trust Lestrade put in Sherlock, my brother didn’t trust him fully. The police wanted results, which Sherlock was able to give, but it ended there. Lestrade was no friend in Sherlock’s eyes. He just used Sherlock for work, nothing more. My brother failed to see that the detective cared for him outside of crime scenes. He didn’t even bother learning Lestrade’s Christian name.

***

I saw a crack in my brother’s armour the day he realised that John had killed a man to save his life, mere hours after they’d met. When I mentioned it, Sherlock waved it off as John’s need for danger, excitement and his military background, but I observed a second of insecurity. It vanished soon enough.

My instincts when I met John Watson for the first time, told me he could be just what my brother needed, or quite the opposite. His loyalty baffled me, but spoke volumes, and it increased for every passing day. He protected Sherlock just like I had done decades ago. I wasn’t entirely sure what to think of that. Of course, I wanted my brother to be cared for and kept safe from the criminals he recklessly chased through London, but it should be me doing that. Letting go and placing my trust in an ex-army doctor with PTSD and a passion for danger, wasn’t exactly what I preferred, but it seemed I didn’t have much saying in the matter. John Watson was Sherlock’s confidant and friend now, and I should be glad, but my treacherous heart ached for the loss of my brother’s trust and love.

When it became clear to me how John felt about Sherlock, I prayed to the universe to let Sherlock’s blind spot disappear. It had finally happened; there was a way for Sherlock to gain happiness and love after all, and perhaps his hostility towards me would dissipate a little if he felt content and loved. My prayers weren’t heard, and John was too scared to jeopardise their precious friendship to pursue the matter.

***

I never dreamt of that an Irish criminal mastermind should be the answer. When Moriarty kidnapped John Watson and Sherlock realised he might lose John when he emerged with that bomb vest strapped to his chest at the pool, the blind spot instantly vanished. When the danger was over, John had proved that he would sacrifice himself so that Sherlock could live.

“My life isn’t worth living without you, John,” I heard Sherlock say in the surveillance video.

I had ushered my men out of the room and watched the scene alone. It was a private moment I didn’t want anyone else to witness, and I turned off the recording once I was sure both men were safe and had finally confessed their love.

My mission was far from over, but my faith in John’s capability to keep my brother as safe as possible, was absolute.

@flashfictionfridayofficial @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno @phoenix27884 @a-victorian-girl @helloliriels @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitch-adler @raina-at @topsyturvy-turtely @peanitbear @7-percent @ninasnakie

#flash fiction friday #sherlock fandom #mycroft holmes #sherlock #john watson #greg lestrade #bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfic #johnlock #FFF247 #blind spot

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ryin-silverfish · 1 month

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Heart and Mind: An Analysis of Tripitaka

I've been wanting to write this since…since I came across some good ol' Tripitaka discourse in the LMK fandom ages ago. Couldn't remember the specifics, but as y'all probably know, it falls under the "Is him an abusive master" and people's strongly worded retort to that question.

On one hand, I dislike the "abusive" take because so often, it is an excuse to reduce a character to an 2D caricature for cheap angst purposes, and both JTTW and its historical context deserve more nuances than that.

On the other hand, I don't agree with some of the defenses either——that Tripitaka is Kind and Wise and The Virtuous Monk, Actually, and people who said otherwise just had their views colored by adaptations, or were ignorant westerners misreading the book.

Because trust me, Chinese readers absolutely have gripes with Tripitaka too, and sass him mercilessly.

We may have a better idea of the historical context, namely, the common usage and acceptance of corporal punishments, but quite a few of us don't think he's a good Buddhist either.

Instead, I'd like to focus on his allegorical role, and how it ultimately forms the basis for my interpretation of his character.

It is commonly acknowledged that each pilgrim represent an aspect of the enlightenment seeker: Monkey is the Mind, Dragon Horse the Will, Pigsy the Desire, Sandy the Determination/Ideation.

Tripitaka is either the enlightenment seeker as a human, or the Heart, the Compassion.

But how can someone represent Compassion when his behaviors don't look all that compassionate, when he seems to care more about what a good Buddhist looks like on paper than in spirit?

How can a compassionate man punish his disciple with a migraine spell and disown him twice, be okay with some violence but not others?

Well, to answer that question, I feel like you have to look at Tripitaka in conjunction with SWK, and what the monkey represents. He is literally the Mind Monkey, the boundless potential of human intellect, and that, by itself, is neutral.

In the word of one of the best poems in JTTW:

"He could be good; he could be bad; present good and evil he could do at will. He'd be an immortal, a Buddha, if he's good; wickedness would cloak him with hair and horn."

To put it simply, SWK is one's wits, one's problem-solving skills, the ability to discern good and evil on a cognitive level.

Whenever Tripitaka, the Compassion, is deceived, it falls to the Mind to see the opponents as they are, and take action to protect the human from harm.

But just as blind compassion without judgement can be exploited by evil, the reverse is true for a mind without compassion, driven solely by their own ambition and whims and practical knowledge.

The Mind knows that robbery is a crime, so these robbers deserve death, but has no idea how disturbing it is for a regular guy to witness six people being brutally murdered in front of him.

The Mind knows that abandoning your wife and family to become a bandit is shameful and unfilial, but cannot comprehend why the bandit's father may not want his son killed for these offenses.

The Mind knows right and wrong, but has trouble seeing the human behind those acts, and why one should care in the first place.

And to see what the Mind looks like without any of Compassion's restraint, one needs to look no further than SWK's "Second Mind", the Six-eared Macaque.

Just like how "Heart" sounds like a lame power for a character, Compassion isn't flashy, nor as useful in a strictly ultilitarian sense. In fact, having compassion makes you vulnerable. It hurts. And unscrupulous people will absolutely use it against you.

So why hold onto your weakness and wallow in it? The world doesn't need another sanctimonious wuss, it needs strong, clever people making hard sacrifices, ruthless, logical decisions! Tough up! Stop caring, and you'll never be hurt again!

Much like a certain crowd who think basic human decency is somehow political propaganda, perhaps, when SEM struck Tripitaka, he was trying to do the same thing.

Kill the embodiment of compassion, the sniveling, useless, fragile human that keeps holding SWK back. Replace him as the true Mind, the one strong enough to break all bonds and seize glory with his own two hands.

But without compassion, without humanity, one is no longer a whole person, and cannot reach enlightenment. In fact, just like how Buddha would only give the True Scripture to Tripitaka, if you are not brave enough to make yourself vulnerable, to suffer and feel other's suffering, you will never transcend it.

At best, you can have some pale imitations of the parts you have willingly shut out from yourself.

And that's what SEM does. He thought he could do it on his own, singlehandedly replace SWK and reap the benefits of enlightenment, but he is no Monkey Awakened to Emptiness.

He is just empty; cut off desires because it is base, cut off determined ideation because it is foolish, cut off compassion because it is weak, cut off the altruism and curiosity and creativity from the mind, and you are left with a grand total of NOTHING.

A shadow of a self, desperately clinging onto external validation and stolen stories, reading the pilgrim's travel paperwork out loud as if that would actually make the journey his.

Tripitaka needs to trust SWK and learn from him, because compassion, much like good intention, doesn't solve problems on its own, and mercy is not the same as enabling harm.

SWK needs his master's guidance, because even at his most selfish and impulsive, he cares, and only by extending that care to others and accepting the vulnerability that comes with it can he truly mature and become awakened to the ultimate truth.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

One last bit of ramble: I feel like there is something to be said about Tripitaka's tendency to trust Pigsy, and how the pursuit of enlightenment is often derailed by worldly desires.

Unlike the demons they encountered, however, Pigsy is not the personification of mental obstacles that must be destroyed, because you cannot destroy bodily needs, nor the very human tendencies to slack off and avoid trouble.

You should stop listening to its advice, sure. Poke fun at it, absolutely. But what Pigsy represents is part of the human condition, just like every other pilgrim, and also something one must make peace with.

#journey to the west #xiyouji #jttw #tripitaka #tang sanzang #sun wukong #six eared macaque #pigsy #zhu bajie #character analysis #lego monkie kid

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weenwrites · 11 months

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YAY YOUR REQUESTS ARE OPEN hiii♪

If it's okay may I request tfp Arcee, Wheeljack and megatron see there human companion get stuck by lightning and just be completely fine and unphased (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

I really really hope you have a wonderful day/night

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

Megatron

Standing out in the middle of a field in the thunder and rain of all things would hardly deter Megatron in the slightest. The storms back on Cybertron were far worse than the storms earth had to offer, but that wasn't to say that the planet didn't have it's fair share of harsh weather.

While the lightning was more likely to hit him than you, it seemed that nature decided to say "screw it" to logic and everything sensible, and decided to smite you instead. He wholly believed he'd find nothing but a crisp, lifeless corpse where you once stood, yet he was proven completely wrong as you simply dusted yourself off.

"Do all humans possess immunity to electricity...?" he wonders. But the moment you explain to him that no, they do not. Then he finds you to be an interesting outlier among your species.

Arcee

She was already warning you that standing out in the open—especially in the midst of a thunderstorm isn't the best course of action. Yet you kept waving her off and insisting that you'd be fine. Yet ironically, mere seconds after that, you disappeared in a blinding flash of lightning.

Nothing would've been able to describe the sheer horror that Arcee felt the instant you were struck by a bright flash of electricity. But it wasn't far off from watching a fellow friend and soldier go up in fumes to a bomb shell, or be reduced to ashes by a powerful lazer.

Though the moment you came out of it unscathed, she was fussing over you. Were you alright? Were you hurt? Maybe the lightning missed you? But no, you were right there. You were hit... So why weren't you hurt? After you explain everything she's relieved that it didn't harm you in the slightest, and she'll definitely ask if there's anything else she should know, aside from immunity to lightning.

Wheeljack

So why did he let you run out in the middle of an open field during a thunderstorm? It wasn't because of any complete disregard for your wellbeing, no, he does care about you greatly, but he's confident that you could handle yourself just fine. So he remained by the Jackhammer, watching you have your fun out in the rain.

He isn't deterred by nasty weather in the slightest, and thunderstorms are no exception, but when the lightning began getting closer, he figured that it'd be best to get going. He was about to call you back to the shuttle, but a bolt of lightning got to you before he could finish his sentence.

He's no stranger to loss, and he's honestly lost count of the times he's seen friends die in front of him, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. In an instant he had stormed over, thinking you were injured but only to find that you were completely unscathed. On one hand he was relieved to find you were still alive, but on the other hand... What had happened? He'll ask you to explain everything once the two of you get back to the ship.

#tfp imagines #tfp headcanons #tfp x reader #tfp megatron #megatron x reader #tfp arcee #arcee x reader #tfp wheeljack #wheeljack x reader #x reader #reader insert #self insert #weenwrites

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amaya-writes · 7 months

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this is kinda specific but bear with me! for ringtober—what about reader who is like Mori's niece or sm but she helps handle the business-y side of the mafia, then one day Mori is kinda like ykw you're a young girl you should be married at some point and sets up an arranged marriage. With Dazai, Chuuya and Akutagawa.

Ringtober Masterlist

Notes: I didn't add Akutagawa because I really couldn't come up with a reason for why Mori would pick him.

Warnings: regular port mafia esque warnings I mean it's a mafia fic so expect slight mentions of mafia themes, slight angst themes?

Characters involved: Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara

Fem reader, you/yours

Dazai Osamu

Dazai always knew his relationship with you was merely professional, and he was happy to keep it that way.

Mori had only decided to get the two of you married so that you couldn't come in harm's way. There had been several...complications at work lately, several 'what ifs' that Mori didn't like the sound of.

It was awful to think it, but Dazai knew Mori wouldn't care for you as much as he did if you weren't an asset.

You were valuable, and Dazai was on a job to protect the mafia's assests.

This was just work for Dazai, just another assignment, albeit an extremely long one.

He wasn't emotionally attached to you whatsoever, heck Dazai didn't even know if he could feel such things for someone.

You, however, were.

He could tell that this arranged marriage meant a little more to you.

Mori would have convinced you to agree either way, but you caved at the idea of marrying the suicidal mafia executive a lot faster than anyone expected.

It could have been anyone else. In fact, Dazai was certain it would have been Chuuya. He was the perfect fit—someone with enough power and hear to be able to look out for you and be a good husband.

But Dazai? Dazai was just doing his job.

Marriages held some sentimental value for everyone. And he couldn't lie, seeing you at the mafia headquaters in a white Kimono did slightly intrigue him. But that didn't change anything.

You spent your wedding night in separate beds and Dazai left the house far too early to encounter you.

The same continued for months, until that looming sad aura hanging over you began to disappear.

In its place came something more heartless, but Dazai couldn't find it in himself to care. In fact, he quite liked this side.

If only you had developed this personality sooner maybe he wouldn't have had to marry you.

He knew you liked him, knew that this marriage was more than just work for you. But Dazai Osamu was a suicidal maniac working for the most notorious mafia in Japan.

He lived to die, and a ring on his finger wasn't going to change that.

Chuuya Nakahara

At first, it doesn't mean anything to him.

He knows the only reason Mori picked him is because he can't trust Dazai enough to not manipulate and use you to hurt Mori.

Chuuya was too loyal to the cause, and powerful enough to ensure you would never be in harm's way so long as you had him by your side.

He wasn't the first choice, but the logical option.

The fact alone wounded Chuuya's ego quite a bit, and Dazai was always around to rub some salt into those wounds.

The day the two of you signed your marriage papers Chuuya didn't even bother looking at you properly, and got drunk and passed out on his bed soon after.

By the time he woke up you had already left for work.

Things continued like that for a few days, but they started to change with time.

It started slowly—you buying extra dinner and leaving it out for him, him offering you a glass of wine after a long day.

Casual nods each other's way turned into greetings and then small conversations.

By the time you got around to your one month anniversary, things had progressed to small conversations and occasionally having dinner together at the table.

Chuuya knew neither of you had any romantic inclination to one another, but over time you started to feel comfortable around each other.

You were more like roommates than husband and wife, a fact that Dazai and Kouyou never fail to tease him about.

Needless to say there have been a lot of jokes regarding Chuuya's inability to perform sexually and the impact that has on your relationship. All lies of course but that doesn't stop Dazai (Kouyou laughs with him).

Chuuya doesn't want to pressure you to think you have any obligation towards him as his wife. Aka he won't force you to do anything you don't want.

But with time the two of you become friends and then even more than that.

You start to help each other. Casual things like reminding each other to eat or cleaning each other's wounds. Sometimes Chuuya would find you asleep slumped over a pile of paperwork and would carry you to bed.

Othertimes you would help him get the stains out of his uniform since he was terrible at it, and constantly spilt both blood and wine over himself.

This one time Chuuya was drunk and made you wear his hat and has never stopped thhinking about how you looked. At that moment he felt very grateful to have a woman like you as his wife.

Maybe in a year or two your relationship evolves into a romantic one.

Or maybe not. But either way, Chuuya tries to be the best husnad he can.

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wovenstarlight · 4 months

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I got an interesting anonymous ask on the SFS Tumblr asking about the reasoning behind a bunch of Yoohyun's decisions that had… less-than-stellar outcomes, let's say? (LMAO.) and I'd like to keep the TL blog clean so I'm answering Anon here. I'm gonna post their ask in full for reference, because the answers to each individual question overlap:

Hi, thank you very much for your time, energy and effort. What you are doing is really amazing and admirable. I know you are busy enough and I shouldn't trouble you, but after reading the manhwa, I had questions about Yoohyun's logic and sentiment, and I became more confused after reading the novel and I don't know who to ask. Please ignore my message if it's to much trouble. 1: Why doesn't Yoohyun spend the last years of his life on earth peacefully with Yoojin, even though he knows that the world will end soon? 2: What did Yoohyun accomplish by leaving and humiliating Yoojin that he was persistent to do it for so many years? 3: Why instead of using his forces and technologies to protect Yoojin, he announces to the world that it is open season on him and he is worthless? (Normaly no one dares to harm the family of an S class but Yoohyun expose Yoojin to danger by abandoning him.) 4: Why does Yoohyun stop protecting Yoojin when the most dangerous part of Yoojin's life as an F class hunter begins? (Using his influence he could easily ban Yoojin from entering dungeons. Or he could have secretly formed a group of the most powerful hunters to go with Yoojin to dungeons. This way he could have provided him with everything he needed and keep him safe. That is, if he had any intention of protecting him.) 5: Why would Yoohyun gain all that resources, power, wealth and connections and he sit around and does nothing so that Yoojin would face death every day and rot in the basement? He gain all that for what, if not for protecting Yoojin? 6: Why doesn't he ever change his procedure or provide new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons? (Yoojin has no chance for a peaceful life due to not having a degree and being a notorious person. And he doesn't know about that cult.) Yoojin got to see his 30 years old birthday cause the cult didn't feel like killing him and he took care of himself in dungeons and was lucky that only his legs broke. So why would Yoohyun identify as a doting brother? The more I think about it the less I understand.

(crossposted on AO3, if you'd prefer to read there)

Okay, so, I'm really prone to rambling at length and this is a subject I have strong feelings on, so I'll give you a very short version of my answer in bullet points, and then a longer version with proper chapter-specific references and full explanations of what I think was going on.

Yoohyun wants to repay Yoojin for all the care and love he's given him, but as a 17-year-old, he doesn't have much social power

Yoohyun's Awakening puts himself and anyone he loves (i.e. Yoojin) in a dangerous position, because while he has individual physical power as an S-rank, he still lacks social power and also can't singlehandedly protect Yoojin 24/7

Yoohyun, in all his rash 17-year-old glory, takes the drastic action of cutting off Yoojin, planning to build up enough power to protect Yoojin and then reunite with him. Yoojin, as just your ordinary everyday 22-year-old, faces no risks other than people targeting him in order to hurt Yoohyun (I don't agree that no one would dare to harm the family of an S-rank, for reasons I'll elaborate on later in the long answer), so if Yoohyun's not close to Yoojin, then that cuts it down to "no risks at all", right…? So tell the media, tell the world, that no, Han Yoohyun doesn't give a shit about Han Yoojin. Yoohyun assumes he'll be able to explain it all to Yoojin one day and that he'll understand. (This should answer your Question 2 and Q3.)

But it doesn't work out as expected. Yoohyun thought it'd take much less time to establish his position than it does in reality (the assumed 4-ish years ended up as 6+ years). Also, Yoojin's gone from trying to make up with Yoohyun in a way that'll let them be together again (not going to happen, because Yoohyun's still not ready to bring Yoojin back into the fold) to being in his own terrible situation, so he's started lashing out at Yoohyun. So even if Yoohyun was in a stable enough situation to try reconciling with him, Yoojin might not be open to it by this point

Somewhere along the way, Yoohyun learns from the filial duty addict Diarma the world is going to end. He doesn't drop everything and go to live with Yoojin because even now, there's still the concern that maybe Yoohyun won't be able to protect Yoojin from everything, and maybe Yoojin doesn't want Yoohyun around, anyway. There's no use in going to live with Yoojin if it'll just end up getting Yoojin killed through Yoohyun's inaction (Q1).

So Yoohyun keeps maintaining his guild and his power so he can keep protecting Yoojin from what he thinks are the Real Threats. (Because the worlds of low- and high-rank Hunters are VERY different. Yoohyun probably assumes that because Yoojin's not facing the high-rank Hunter dangers, he's facing no dangers—a stupid but understandable mistake, given that Yoojin also assumed the exact same thing in reverse about Yoohyun! It sucks, it really does, but I really do think Yoohyun just… didn't realize just how bad it was.) (Q5) And the world can end whenever it wants; if there's no challenging it, then at least Yoohyun's kept Yoojin safe in the meantime.

And the one danger they have in common, dungeons—you suggest Yoohyun banning Yoojin from entering any, but Yoohyun's cut himself off from Yoojin entirely, remember. Trying to interfere in his life would be met with (a) STRONG rejection by a deeply hurt Yoojin who doesn't understand why Yoohyun thinks he has any say in Yoojin's life anymore, and (b) interest by Yoohyun's rivals, who'd wonder why he's trying to keep his hyung away from dangers when he says he doesn't care about that hyung's wellbeing, putting Yoojin right back in their crosshairs. (Q4)

Also, the immoral people have been killing Caregivers of S-ranks. Diarma might have told Yoohyun about this. If he did, then Yoohyun's goals would definitely have gone from "stay strong and one day reconcile with hyung" to "NEVER get close to hyung, because there are beings outside this world, much more powerful than anything I can match in a reasonable timespan, who will 100% kill him". At which point, even if Yoohyun had wanted to reconcile with him, or compromise by just adjusting his plan and talking to Yoojin a little more, or literally anything past making a show of total and complete indifference, he couldn't have without knowingly risking Yoojin's life. (Q6)

You and I and all the other S-Ranks readers, removed from this situation as we are, can think of half a dozen ways Yoohyun could probably have gotten around things. But the simple fact is that in that situation, under that much pressure, with that much emotional attachment to his brother and literally everything that mattered to him at stake if he fucked up in the tiniest of ways—forget making perfect decisions, there was absolutely no way Yoohyun was going to do anything other than what seemed least risky. Because to do otherwise would be risking Yoojin’s life and therefore his own. And the choices you’ve already mades, the path you’re already on—no matter how bad it is for you, no matter how bad it is for the people you love, no matter how much it hurts—will always, always be less risky than the unknown path, because at least this way, you know what dangers to expect and brace for. At the core of the matter, it’s just that… the path that was best for Yoojin's happiness wasn't the path that was best for Yoojin's life expectancy, you see? And Yoojin can't be happy if he's dead. Yoohyun can't be alive if Yoojin's dead. That's all it came down to.

……oh my god that was so long actually. And that was supposed to be the TL;DR. The long version is going to be SO long. I hope you like reading 50-page passionate essays. There's a poll at the end, you can look forward to that!!!

(Also, okay, before we jump into the Deep End. Two disclaimers.

Anon, you said you read the manhwa and novel, but I read only the novel, so some of my chapter references might be unfamiliar. I know they shuffled events around a little in the webtoon, too, so I'll try and describe the general events so you can find any webtoon parallels.

Yoojin's a REALLY unreliable narrator and definitely doesn't know a lot of what Yoohyun's gone through. Part of that is because there's things he has no way to pick up on or deduce; part of that is because he wants to not think about Yoohyun going through bad shit; part of that is because Yoohyun doesn't want Yoojin worrying about him and has actively hidden the worse parts of his life from him. So a fair part of what I'm talking about is going to be reading between the lines and extrapolating.

Okay, disclaimers done!) Now on to the long version with references. Let's go point-by-point based on the TL;DR.

#1: Yoohyun wanting to repay Yoojin

I mean, the skill's called Last/Final Repayment! Isn't that enough? Where did you think that came from? There certainly wasn't anything Yoojin wanted to repay Yoohyun for.

Okay, no, more seriously. Yoohyun and Yoojin have grown up with only each other to depend on. Yoohyun has watched Yoojin take care of him alone their whole lives, with no outside support, keeping a roof over their head and their stomachs filled. For Yoohyun's sake, Yoojin has given up:

A complete education, with Yoojin having "dropped out of school to take care of his little brother", as mentioned in chapter 1.

A proper social life. In chapter 25, Yoojin says his friends in his early 20s were "middle-aged factory workers" instead of people his own age.

Hobbies. He says to Yerim and Myeongwoo in chapter 45 that one of his "few hobbies" is taking spam calls, but his character profile from the E-books volume 1 confirms it's his only hobby, and one that's now fading… which leaves him with zero personal interests. (The spam calling thing is almost certainly something that sprouted from loneliness in the years that the brothers were separated, by the way. After all, why would Yoojin waste time listening to some stranger on the phone talk to him about something he doesn’t care about? Most likely because there isn’t—wasn’t—really anyone else who’s willing to talk to him, anymore.)

The sole birthday present of "a 10,000 won bill to buy something tasty to have with his friends" he got from their parents, which "would be used for Han Yoohyun’s birthday. As [it was] every year", as mentioned in chapter 239, during Yoohyun’s flashback to childhood.

And Yoohyun, a helpless child, could only watch as Yoojin gave up all of that, to no real benefit of his own, just to focus all his attention and resources on supporting Yoohyun.

By the time he was in middle school, Yoohyun was already talking about becoming a doctor since it'd be "advantageous in a lot of aspects"; he says he "just wanted to make it so you [Yoojin] could live comfortably" (chapter 258). Yoojin wouldn't have to be the sole earner, and would've been able to pursue his own happiness as well as Yoohyun's. Yoohyun wants very badly for Yoojin to not have to worry about him anymore. It makes sense that that sentiment would remain even after he Awakened.

#2: Yoohyun's Awakening

And boy what an Awakening it was! Straight from a random orphaned kid with zero social life and decent grades to one of the world's most desirable and dangerous individuals, basically overnight. He has none of the social sway that the rich and well-connected Sung Hyunjae or the professional athletes Moon Hyuna and Choi Sukwon do, and he refuses to get the help of big corporations like Choi Sukwon and Bak Mingyu (and Yoon Kyeongsoo? I forget if Soodam was also a corp-backed guild). So he's got no power, but he's also declared his intent to create a guild, and that combined with his nature as a born S-rank makes people perceive him as a threat. Maybe not so much in the early days, when people think he's just an arrogant, stupid kid who's going to crash and burn, but definitely more so as time passed, which Sung Hyunjae confirms in chapter 152:

“[Han Yoohyun] was at an age where he had a lot of problems, starting out living alone.” […] “He wasn’t even alone, strictly speaking. I heard Team Head Seok and the others joined Haeyeon early on.” I heard that Seok Simyeong had visited Yoohyun-ie even before Haeyeon was founded. He was still annoying, but I had to give him his share of the credit for Haeyeon. Sung Hyunjae gave a small nod at my words. “Even so, it isn’t easy for a latecomer to find his place.” “That’s… You’re right.” “For the first year or so, it was easier. Since most of them said Haeyeon wouldn’t be able to properly establish itself.” Sung Hyunjae also said he hadn’t been interested in Haeyeon—in Yoohyun-ie—at the time, either. “The problem arose when it started to become a major guild.”

The second the initial "LOL, this has got to be a joke, right?" blinders come off, he's at risk. And he would've known that this would happen right from the start—Yoohyun's smart enough that he would've understood the lack of attacks was just because they didn't see him as a real threat yet.

So, again: a latecomer on the scene with no power and no experience to his name, and seen as a threat to deal with. No social connections means he has no one to rely on to help him with Yoojin's protection: it's up to him alone. And even S-ranks have to eat and sleep and use the bathroom and do half a dozen other things that would pull him away from Yoojin's side, not to mention the all-important requirement of raiding dungeons, which Yoohyun himself admits in chapter 71 was one of his main concerns:

“Once I start a raid on an S-rank dungeon, I’ll be gone for a week […]. Me… avoiding you… was also largely due to the S-rank dungeon raid time. Since, obviously, I can’t look after you once I go into the dungeon.”

So Yoohyun himself can't just stay by Yoojin's side as his bodyguard 24/7. He'd have to leave him unattended for, at minimum, whole weeks. Which means he doesn't have a reliable, sure way to keep his hyung safe.

#3: Cutting off Yoojin, and the risks to an S-rank's family

And that's not even mentioning his own safety. What happens when Yoohyun's hurt and can't help with guarding Yoojin? And he will be hurt, either by dungeon raids or other people. If you don't think that second one is a concern, as early as chapter 6, when Yoojin and Yoohyun are having their first meal together, Yoojin asks about Yoohyun's ability to cook, and he says he taught himself:

“I’ve got items for detoxification and de-cursing, now, but I didn’t have them before. So making my own food felt safer. Even now, when I enter dungeons, I bring dried rations I made myself. Since it’s most dangerous inside dungeons.” “…Detoxification? De-cursing?” What was I hearing right now? As in, there were bastards who’d poison and curse his food, so he had to make it himself… that sort of thing?

Yoohyun himself, a strong, healthy S-rank with a good constitution and one hell of a temper, was at risk of being poisoned and cursed through something as everyday as food. You said that normally, no one would dare attack the family of an S-rank—but if people are willing to attack the S-rank himself, knowing that he'll kill them for sure if it fails and he learns they're behind it, then what's stopping them from attacking the S-rank's family?

There's two points you could argue:

Yoohyun says in the chapter 6 conversation that "It’s a major crime for an Awakened person to target an Unawakened person, so I made them think it wasn’t worth it to risk going after you." But that'd only last for the 3 years up until Yoojin Awakened, and honestly, there's a real risk that anyone targeting Yoojin before that time would just be rich or socially connected enough that they could make the charges go away.

The other argument that if they attack an S-rank's beloved family and that fails, now the S-rank is coming after them with a vengeance, and he's not even suffering from the aftermath of poisoning or a curse to weaken him in the slightest, so that might scare them off. But, like… people do stupid things when they're desperate. In that kidnapping where Yoojin met the Krecke Blackie (chapters 46–49), sure, Yoojin had his own special skills that made him valuable, but he also had five major guilds and the Association all dedicated to his protection. That's several times the protection a single S-rank could offer, and some idiots who weren't even in a desperate situation still tried to go after him for benefits similar to what you'd get from having leverage over an S-rank. So I really don't think anything would stop people from threatening Yoojin. If anything, the combined facts of Yoohyun starting out from a weak position, Yoohyun obviously caring about Yoojin, and Yoojin being so much weaker than Yoohyun would make that the best option by far, if you wanted to hurt Yoohyun. After all, it’s not like Unawakened F-rank Yoojin can fight back himself, and again, Yoohyun isn’t going to fight you if it would risk Yoojin’s life.

So, Yoohyun goes "if I distance myself from hyung and make people think it WON'T hurt me for him to be hurt, then people have no reason to target him!" and follows through. I do think this was a stupid move on his part, even if he intended to explain it all to Yoojin eventually, because by not letting him in on the secret right from the start, he guaranteed that Yoojin would be hurt and upset by his sole remaining family member seemingly abandoning him for better prospects. Which leads Yoojin to start making his own stupid moves, which snowballs into a series of bad decisions on both their parts, and so on… but we'll get to that in a minute. The problem, I think, is that this plan could've worked, if only Yoohyun had told Yoojin at the start, so that Yoojin knew not to draw attention to himself. Maybe they could've done regular calls on burner phones or something, to stay in touch, and they'd have been happier that way.

Unfortunately that didn't happen. Why? Because, as Yoohyun states in that same conversation in chapter 6, he "didn’t want to burden" Yoojin. Yoohyun's desire to protect Yoojin is not just physical, but also mental/emotional—he doesn't want Yoojin to know that Yoohyun's going through all this trouble of leaving home and dealing with threats to his life and making big decisions, because he doesn't want Yoojin to worry.

[EDIT: And actually, thinking back over this, do you realize—Yoojin always talks about how Yoohyun was a delight of a child to raise, never complaining, never throwing tantrums, wonderfully behaved and always doing as he was told. Enough so that Moon Hyuna has to tell him, explicitly, in Chapter 43, that that’s not normal, in those exact words:

“He was a good younger brother who never needed to be scolded. Ever since he was little, he listened well and didn’t worry me…….” “You said you were the one to raise him, right? After you lost your parents early. That’s not normal.” She clicked her tongue and continued. “A good, obedient little brother from a poor family without parents. That sort of thing doesn’t even appear in children’s fairy tales these days. Because it’s not realistic.” “I mean, to go that far—” “Kids are kids. They get frustrated and angry if there’s something lacking, they make trouble to get attention, they compare themselves with others, and beyond begging their parents to buy them something they want, they might even resent them. Parents might still think their kids are cute, but brothers? To them, they’re just enemy bastards; I also have a younger sibling, so I know. Of course, there are brothers and sisters who get along. In peaceful households where their parents take good care of them. Even then, it’s not like they never fight. Younger brothers in particular are a type that need to be put in their place; older siblings the world across would probably agree.”

This suggests that Yoohyun and Yoojin have never, ever, EVER experienced conflict on major life decisions. Not once have they argued about Yoohyun making choices that Yoojin wouldn’t like. Which means Yoohyun approached cutting off Yoojin with a very particular mindset, and I have some guesses as to what exactly that mindset was. Do you think he hoped Yoojin would understand that his perennially well-behaved brother would have some reason for leaving home? Do you think he just… didn’t know how to approach telling Yoojin about his choice, knowing it’d upset him so much, so he simply didn’t and hoped for the best? Or was it something else entirely?

Either way: Yoohyun absolutely did not know what would come of this choice. He definitely did not expect just how hard it would be on Yoojin. At the time, he was probably just wanting to spare Yoojin the heartache of their first major argument about Yoohyun’s life choices.] And it's that very desire to not bother him with the knowledge of how much Yoohyun's suffering that eventually makes things go wrong and both of them suffer for it.

#4: Yoohyun's strategy failing

What do we know about Yoohyun's plan going wrong? We know that Yoohyun intended to wipe out his enemies before even thinking about allowing Yoojin into danger. In that conversation in chapter 6, he tells Yoojin to wait "just 1 year" and to basically live in confinement, locked up safe inside Haeyeon, until Yoohyun's done. Combined with the 3 years since the dungeons appearing and Yoohyun Awakening, that means he thought it'd take maybe 4 years in total, with hurrying at the end to accommodate Yoojin already being involved with him again. Yoojin says in narration that pre-regression, it took him 3 years instead of the 1 he's proposing, which puts us at a total of 6 years minimum before Yoohyun could even think about reuniting with Yoojin.

But, of course, a lot can and did happen in those 6 years. Within the first 3, the brothers' relationship had deteriorated enough that Yoojin blocked Yoohyun's number, as mentioned in chapter 32 by Yoohyun to Yoojin during novice Hunter training:

“You got angry and told me not to call, remember? You even blocked my number.”

Why was Yoojin angry? See chapter 158, when Yoohyun was temporarily amnesic due to Jellyfish's fog:

“I’m certain I told you not to come near me.” …I remembered. When I’d heard that, I’d blocked Yoohyun’s number, telling him not to call me back.

Yoohyun's repeated refusal to tell Yoojin about his plans, just telling him they had to stay apart, only worsened their relationship. And while Yoohyun did attempt to reach out and help Yoojin in ways such as sending him money to cover living expenses (probably hoping to repair their rapidly deteriorating relationship), that also made it worse, with Yoojin rejecting all of those attempts. As he explains in chapter 274, during the flashbacks induced by Jellyfish in their fight:

Gritting my teeth, I sent back the money Yoohyun-ie sent me without even laying a finger on it. To the me of that time, it was horrible money that my young brother had as good as traded his life for. Yoohyun-ie wanted me to accept living expenses and stay safe, but I believed my brother was being sent to his own death and could never accept it.

It isn't like Yoohyun didn't try to reach out. He did. The problem was that all of his attempts were undercut by his continued refusal to tell Yoojin why he had distanced himself, such that all those attempts at staying in touch only rubbed salt in the wound of being abandoned. And as early as 3 years in, by his own admission in chapter 6, Yoohyun starts to think that things have gotten so bad that even if he tries to confess everything now, Yoojin might not "be understanding". He might not be willing to let go of his hurt and resentment to reconcile with him.

So should he stop reaching out, then? Surely there's still hope that they can reconcile in the future. Someday, maybe, when Yoohyun's sure he can protect Yoojin, even if Yoojin doesn't want to be with/near him.

#5: Learning about the world ending

Only, there's a deadline imposed by the end of the world, which Yoohyun learns about from filial duty addict Diarma. Part of the contract with the filial duty addicts, as Sung Hyunjae explains in chapter 102, is not interfering with said end of the world. Actually, the contractors have to give "their word that they’ll eliminate obstacles" i.e. other people fighting against the end of the world, so Yoohyun can't do anything about this deadline. This gives him a limited amount of time in which he can "eventually" reconcile with Yoojin.

So, as you ask, Anon, why not spend that limited time with his brother? Well, just because there's an end of the world approaching—which Yoohyun can't even talk about! L-rank contract, remember—doesn't mean that Yoojin is 🌟magically🌟 going to get any less mad about Yoohyun abandoning him for several years than before. Yoohyun still doesn't want to explain, so that argument is absolutely not getting resolved.

Even if he tries to explain vaguely that there's some threat and that he'd like Yoojin to live with him or at least accept his offers of protection and security, what happens if Yoojin refuses? Yoohyun clearly isn't willing to violate Yoojin's desires too far, since the most certain way to keep him safe would be to lock him up in a vault somewhere inside Haeyeon and never let anyone else see him, but that would trample all over his free will and happiness, not to mention it'd ruin Yoohyun's "live normally and happily with hyung" goals. So he'll have to let Yoojin stay out in the world, while all of Yoohyun's rivals and enemies are still out there, watching the Haeyeon Guild Leader reach out to his brother and wondering if they've reconciled. At that point, it doesn't matter if they actually have made up or not. If someone even suspects that Yoojin is close to Yoohyun, then they'll target him on the off-chance that it's true. And if Yoojin did refuse Yoohyun's offers, which he's almost certain to, then he's defenseless against whatever attacks come. And they will come. In chapter 6, Yoohyun admitted that a single visit to Haeyeon Guild by Yoojin, willing or unwilling, would be enough to get attention on him:

“But if I directly give orders for you to be brought in and allowed to live within Haeyeon Guild, my enemies will start to actively target you. Even with you just being here right now, I’m sure they’ll already have started keeping an eye on you.”

Think of it from Yoohyun's enemies' perspective. If Yoohyun cares about Yoojin, attacking Yoojin gives you leverage over Yoohyun. If Yoohyun doesn't care about Yoojin, then he won't care if you're attacking Yoojin, so you'll face no retaliation from him. Yoohyun's enemies have nothing to lose from this, while Yoohyun has everything to lose. So, in this situation, it'd be better to take the least risky path: just don't engage with Yoojin at all.

And, also, even if he'd decided to take that risk, there's a different one when it comes to actually figuring out a system to guard Yoojin. This point is more speculation, but I do think Yoohyun might have struggled with deciding when he'd done enough for Yoojin's protection. Because the reality is that Yoojin was never, ever going to be 100% safe from all dangers ever. Again, the vault method is the only way Yoohyun could achieve that. Yoohyun could've put together any amount of high-rank Hunters as Yoojin's exclusive security detail, and he'd still have to leave him alone with these potentially corruptible strangers for a full week at a time during every S-rank dungeon raid. I suspect there was a real risk of Yoohyun continuously going "I just need to get a bit stronger and a bit more established" indefinitely, without ever reaching a point where he was actually satisfied. (Which, if this was indeed a risk in canon, would be overridden in the post-regression timeline by Yoojin's keyword usage making Yoohyun's desire to live with him again and uncertainty about Yoojin's response win out over the urge to keep obsessing over safeguards.)

#6: What counts as a "real" threat

When it comes to Yoohyun's need to defend Yoojin against threats, there's also an important aspect you need to consider, which is: what threats? You see, the worlds of low-rank and high-rank Hunters are very different, to the point where Yoohyun seems to completely overlook some aspects of what Yoojin's used to dealing with, while Yoojin explicitly notes on multiple occasions that he didn't even realize Yoohyun faced certain dangers. As always, we come back to the poisoning attempts mentioned in chapter 6, the first time Yoojin realizes Yoohyun was suffering his own ordeals. This sort of sneaky threat gets reiterated in chapter 11, after Yoojin's trip to the Hunter Mall, when Yoohyun tells him he can't even take a simple drink from any public vendor because it might be poisoned (not something that'd work on Yoohyun himself, but it certainly would on those lower-ranked people around him who he cares about). No, not even in a government-sponsored location like the Association, because even these locations are filled with other guilds' spies and informants. Yoojin's internal response is essentially "what sort of underhanded bullshit is this", and out loud he questions Yoohyun about it:

“But would they do that sort of thing in none other than the Association? If they get caught, the backlash will be huge.” And if Awakened people couldn’t trust the Association, it’d end up hurting the guilds, too. “Of course they wouldn’t make trouble inside the Association. But it’s possible to have their target sent away in an ambulance or police car.” “…And then that ambulance or police car goes missing?” “You’re getting it.”

And Yoojin literally thinks, not a paragraph later, that this is maybe too much even for him:

Somehow, the further things went, the more I felt like I should stop being involved with this brat Yoohyun-ie and go off to live on my own.

Better the dangers you know than the ones you don't, but in Yoojin's words.

Everyone in the high-rank sphere is, well, high-rank. Strong and resilient even when they don't have defensive skills, to say nothing of when they do. They face threats, yes, Real Threats that pose danger to them and risk their safety and status, including threats from other people—Song Taewon mentions to Yoojin in chapter 83 that he's investigated Yoohyun for murder multiple times a year—but because they're so strong, those threats come in the form of dungeon monsters or social attacks, not actual physical harm. Especially not physical harm from other people; like, chapter 75 mentions there's laws against S-rank Hunters going into dungeons together for fear that they might hurt or kill each other, so unless they encounter each other in a dungeon break region where combat is expected (or pick fights with Chief Song, an S-rank duty-bound to fight other S-ranks), they're never really going to encounter personal threats from other Hunters.

Take all that through the lens of protecting Yoojin: he's just some guy, he's not involved in the social/political Hunter Hunger Games, so he's probably fine on that front, right? And otherwise, Yoohyun just needs to protect him from dungeons (keep Yoojin out of them when possible, prevent breaks in his area), and maybe just some general watching out for Yoojin getting himself into anything risky, since he's so weak as an F-rank. That's all the threats Yoohyun sees on a daily basis, so that's probably it, right?

Wrong. Low-rank Hunters have their own set of threats they face, and while a part of that is dungeons and monsters, a very large part of that is also just… being easy to kill, in a community of people very ready to kill. Low-rank Hunters murder each other a hell of a lot more than high-rank Hunters get to even hurt, let alone kill, each other. Think about how easily the knowledge of dungeons being good body disposal spots comes to Yoojin (chapter 19, when threatening Yerim's uncle). Think about the way Yoojin talks about being pressured into slave contracts and miner guilds, and how common it seems to be for low-rank Hunters to be maimed and disabled and left in the lurch (chapters 21 and 22, saving Yoo Myeongwoo from Hope Resources Guild). Think about chapter 49, where Yoohyun claims there's strong camaraderie among high-rank Hunters, and Yoojin responds with this:

Comradeship, huh. There was no such concept in low-rank Hunter teams. Of course, it wasn’t like there were no good people around. The problem was that they all died before long. There were fixed low-rank teams united through trust and friendship, but it was very rare that they lasted. With how strongly they banded together, if one of them died, they couldn’t endure the shock and would fall apart; and even if that didn’t happen, if they were doing well for themselves, they’d be attacked from the outside by the many Hunters who’d find them unpleasant. But a high-rank dungeon raiding team that suffered few such accidents could form a sense of comradeship and keep staying together.

Low-rank Hunters will get killed by monsters, or survive only to get killed by the loss of their teams, or find good teams only to get killed by other jealous low-ranks, or (in Yoojin's experience) survive multiple team-wide killings only to get ostracized and distrusted for being suspiciously good at surviving (almost like you're the one setting up your teams to fail! really makes you wonder, doesn't it?), or, or, or…

High-rank Hunters just… survive. That's it.

Of course Yoohyun wouldn't know to protect Yoojin from these threats. He's never faced them. To him, fighting other people is a fun, challenging pastime, where no one being allowed to kill each other is an unspoken rule that goes implicitly understood. He wouldn't realize how it was very much not fun for Yoojin; maybe he'd know it intellectually, but I don't think he'd understand, not without getting up close and personal to see Yoojin struggle with it, which he can't do himself. If he tries to send someone to spy on or just generally help out his brother, Yoojin's primed by his experiences to distrust the people around him, so spies won't get anything out of him, and any strong Hunter handpicked by Yoohyun to help his hyung might simply be unable to gain Yoojin's trust. (Picking out a whole team of strong Hunters? Even if Yoojin trusts them, they'd probably end up victimized by jealous Hunters. Rinse and repeat.) You must also take into account that Yoojin's been made enough of a target by society that he's hiding every weakness someone could potentially exploit. Hell, if he's hiding well enough, you might think he's doing just fine.

And in the time period where it would be blatantly obvious that Yoojin was not fine, that early period right when he Awakened and turned into society's scapegoat overnight? That was when Yoohyun and Haeyeon were also being targeted, and wouldn't have been able to spare the kind of attention and help Yoojin would've needed, not with all the scrutiny they were all being subjected to. Actually, when Yoojin's reminiscing about these times in chapter 59, he hypothesizes it might've been Yoohyun's rivals themselves who were behind the scapegoating:

At that time, it would’ve been hard for that guy to look out for me. Public opinion wasn’t good in many ways, and there were too many scrutinizing eyes for him to secretly look after me. Now that I thought about it, I wondered if there wasn’t some sort of operation targeting me. The response was too excessive to have simply been the work of a few trash journalists. It was a matter that could be packaged excitingly, I was an F-rank which made me easy to use, and at that time, it could drag down Haeyeon Guild in the public opinion. Whether it was the government, the Association, or rival guilds, they’d have been fools not to use me.

If it was Yoohyun's rivals behind it, then by fighting on the Haeyeon front, Yoohyun might actually have been keeping Yoojin safe, too. How do we know he didn't actually mitigate the suffering to some degree? We haven't heard from Yoohyun about his side of things during this time, so we don't have a definite answer one way or another.

Certainly, Seok Simyeong didn't help at all by making a public statement denouncing Yoojin, especially not when it was so bad Yoojin admits to almost being suicidal over it (chapter 19)! But, well, it was a busy time. We don't know whether Yoohyun was consulted on that one, or if it was something they rushed in order to get ahead of the situation. It might also be that Yoohyun was consulted and made the choice that they'd publicly denounce Yoojin but privately offer him support, only for Yoojin to reject it as he did before with the money Yoohyun sent. Yoojin's done this before, where he conveniently doesn't mention a detail about a scenario until it becomes immediately relevant!

I cannot emphasize enough that we don't have Yoohyun's perspective on this. We don't know what he was doing or not doing to help. But we know, from his love for Yoojin, from his desperate desire to keep him safe at all costs, that he must've been doing something. Was that something effective? Was it useful to Yoojin's immediate life? Who knows. But he was trying.

#7: Banning Yoojin from dungeons

…Keyword being trying. Because, uh. To be honest, how well do you think any direct attempts at "helping" went over? The very first moment that Yoojin regresses to is when Yoohyun got him out of a meeting with an Awakening broker. And Yoojin himself says that ended so badly that "after listening to Yoohyun-ie’s nagging, I’d become furious and stormed off, shouting that I could take care of myself and to quit bothering me" (chapter 5). So if Yoohyun tries to openly keep Yoojin out of danger, then Yoojin is going to have a screaming fit of anger at his life being controlled by someone who apparently isn't even interested in being in it.

And that's before Yoojin Awakened. Once he had an actual, legal, government-assigned license saying he could go into dungeons? Yoohyun had zero standing. Zero chance he was ever going to be able to stop him from going into dungeons, short of breaking down and crying and begging for him to not do it, which (to successfully convince Yoojin he wasn't just putting on a show or trying to guilt trip him) would also require Yoohyun to admit he still cared about Yoojin and reveal his 3- uh, 4- I mean, 5- 6(!!)-Year Master Plan To Keeping Hyung Safe Forever And Ever.

Yeah. Never gonna happen.

And even that one (1) attempt at keeping Yoojin away from dungeons and Hunters and everything related could've gone really badly, because as Yoohyun himself admits in their chapter 6 conversation, his enemies will "already have started keeping an eye on you [Yoojin]". Just from one single show of apparent concern for Yoojin's wellbeing! Can you imagine what would've happened if Yoohyun kept stopping Yoojin every time he tried to go into a dungeon? Setting Yoojin's own frustration and anger aside, can you picture the kind of attention that would've gotten Yoojin? No, this was one battle Yoohyun had to lose in order to win the overall war.

Anon, you mention providing "new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons". Okay, sure, we're starting with Yoojin being society's black sheep and probably rejected out of hand from most positions he applies to, and Yoohyun's only leverage in society being in dungeon- and Hunter-related fields. What options would he have provided for Yoojin? A dungeon- or Hunter-related job, probably at Haeyeon or one of its affiliates? That's precisely what we're trying to avoid, and also visible enough that Yoohyun might as well not have even fucking bothered with the 6-Year Master Plan etc. etc. Okay, so then something at one of Haeyeon's sponsors-? Except Haeyeon famously doesn't have backers, and any connections they have through business deals will be glaringly obvious to Yoohyun's rivals if leveraged. Oh, Han Yoojin, the man who no one wants to hire, got a job at a company whose products Han Yoohyun sponsored just a while ago! Absolutely no one is wondering how this could've happened. Also, funny how Han Yoohyun's helping Han Yoojin find work, it's almost like he cares about him… (And so the end begins.)

Remember, all of Yoohyun's efforts at separating himself from Yoojin require actually being separate from Yoojin and the choices he makes. Yoojin's life is—unfortunately enough for Yoohyun—his own to live… and his own to ruin.

#8: The transcendent threat

And all of that—every single one of these environmental factors that make it so Yoohyun has a billion and one concerns to consider before he can so much as talk to Yoojin—all of that comes before we take into account one more fact:

God Hates Caregivers Personally.

Or, in a non-joking manner, and in the fashion Yoohyun might have learned about it from Diarma, as is strongly suggested in the virtual reality dungeon arc during chapter 246:

There are beings out there, outside your world, stronger than anything you know, and this is acknowledging the fact that you are among the strongest existences humankind will ever produce. These beings rule your entire world, are the children of the very power that created the dungeons terrorizing your planet, are themselves so powerful that they can predict dungeons and manipulate the system in their favor, that they can manipulate the circumstances of individual humans as long as they're inside dungeons. In allying with any one of their number, you make an enemy out of half of the entire population of these transcendental existences. You have already made an enemy of them. And these people, these all-powerful creatures, who you've painted yourself a rival of? These same people have a known track record of killing the loved ones of people like you.

Your brother goes into dungeons every week as part of his job. He's already at immense risk. If you go near him, if you make it seem even slightly like you're interested in him personally, you make him an out-and-out target for these transcendents, and they'll smite him. He dies, and you die, and it's game over.

Option one: You can grow to their level, meet them with equal strength, certainly, but will you get the time to grow that far before they kill your brother? Is his natural lifespan even long enough that he'd survive the time it took for your growth? He dies. You die. Game over.

Option two: Don't pose a threat. It's too late for you to never get on their radar in the first place, but if you can keep from seeming any more dangerous, maybe they won't give him any attention. Secure a favor that will let you help him when he needs it, at most, but otherwise never use your transcendent connections to your own advantage.

Option two, taken to its conclusion: If you die before your brother does—if you die calling in that favor and saving his life—you never have to see him be killed.

(Option two, on the flip side: You will not expect it to be your own ally who set the stage for your loved one to be killed.)

So, basically, every single concern Yoohyun's had about protecting his brother that made him distance himself and not tell him anything so far? All of that is taken and cranked up to difficulty level Maximum. "If I show interest in hyung, one of my rivals or enemies might choose to hurt or kill him!" The transcendents WILL kill him with NO known incentive. Yoohyun might assume it's because he poses a threat to their side, but he can't be absolutely certain that's it. In fact, he doesn't know anything about this opposing transcendent faction, since he was blocked from contacting them by the very fact of having chosen a side in the first place, as Water Droplet explains when discussing the born S-ranks in chapter 106:

“We don’t know for sure either. The filial duty addicts contacted them first, so their information is obscured. We only know that there are five, and about the ones that are in contact with you.”

And while Yoohyun-as-Alpha knows the reasons behind the immoral people killing Caregivers—namely, that they want to remove distractions for S-ranks, so that they focus on combating dungeons and monsters—if Diarma had told Yoohyun about this, and if he'd thought to apply the bare minimum of intelligence to his delivery (a disclaimer that must be made, with this transcendent in particular), I really don't think he would've told him why. No, he would've wanted the immoral people to seem like a dangerous threat, so he would just have said that they might kill Yoohyun's family, without giving him their reasoning.

Which means Yoohyun knew nothing about the immoral people's motives, nothing about their goals, nothing about what they'd see as aggression. Which meant, hypothetically, that any and every action he took could trigger them to smoothly and efficiently eliminate the only person he loved in all the world. It would be so easy, too; Yoojin's entering their turf multiple times a month as part of his daily job, a fact which we've already established Yoohyun couldn't do anything about. The only thing he knew for sure is that they hadn't killed Yoojin so far.

Remember what I said before, about the known path being safer? Because you know the dangers you'll face on it? Yoohyun knows doing what he's doing right now is keeping Yoojin alive. He can't control a single other thing outside of that. And the danger posed by not doing what he's doing just got shifted to a level he is not prepared on any level to respond to. Before, he might've thought Yoojin was safe at least inside dungeons with his chosen teams; from his perspective, "dungeons with only guild members inside are actually safer than the outside world" (chapter 134), while the outside world was more of a risk because of all of Yoohyun's enemies. But now? There is danger all the time and in every location Yoojin goes, even those outside of this world, on an insane, unrivaled level. He is never, never safe, and any single unexpected action Yoohyun takes puts that at risk. If doing anything at all is dangerous, then it's better to do nothing.

So, yeah, that's the crux of it, isn't it. Yoohyun needs to protect Yoojin every day, every single time. Everything else in the whole world only needs to kill Yoojin once. In such a situation, how would Yoohyun ever dare to risk making either of them vulnerable?

…The end! I hope that this explanation, long as it is, has given you at least some additional insight into Why Yoohyun Did All That, and helped serve as a reminder of just how little we actually know about Yoohyun's perspective of the events pre-regression.

By the way, this entire post is pulling only from information we get up to chapter 272; there’s more information revealed up to chapter 350—actually, even just in the next few chapters after that, up to 275—that sheds more light on Yoohyun’s decision-making process in the pre-regression timeline. Maybe I’ll come back and post a part 2 to this analysis someday using the additional information we get as time goes on, but right now, this much will have to be enough.

In any case—thanks for reading this far. And of course, as promised, here's the poll!

#star.txt #my writing #my sranks #the s ranks that i raised #han yoohyun #answered #anonymous #this had the working title of 'han yoohyun's shit idiot reasoning' bless his soul #certified yoohyun hater is asked to defend his actions. what happens next will shock you

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qqueenofhades · 9 months

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You know the more I hear about the male loneliness crisis the more confused I get. Why don’t all these articles and videos suggest that men simply befriend other men? Boom. Problem solved. I don’t really see any articles about women being lonely, which makes me believe that women are simply befriending other women and preventing that from being a huge societal problem like male loneliness is, so it seems like a relatively simple solution to focus on fostering male friendships. There’s an odd emphasis on men not finding sexual partners and it being a bigger problem than a lack of friendships or whatever, but if men are lonely wouldn’t it be best for men to start reaching out to each other? I don’t get what a lack of sexual partners has to do with this + why women keep being dragged into this somehow.

That is the inevitable and deeply sad result of rampant modern toxic masculinity, misogyny, and homophobia. The right wing, led by chucklefuck shitheads like Josh Hawley who write terrible books and rail against the "wokeness" of men (aka any man who displays a basic level of care or concern for the well-being of others, and isn't afraid to show emotions) has successfully convinced an entire generation of boys and young men that it's "weak" and "woke" to need help, reach out or be friends or emotionally open with another man (because It Might Secretly Also Be Gay!), or do anything except follow the Fascist Strongman Christian Patriarch model of manhood. In this framework, men can't be lonely, or if they are, they've failed at their task of dominating everyone else around them and inflicting their sexual superiority on a meek and passive wife/all women. According to them, lonely men are just Weak and need to suck it up and quit being a pansy. That's literally what it boils down to.

Even the men who don't directly subscribe to this bullshit are still affected by it, since it shapes the expectations both conscious and subconscious of the people that they meet and interact with in everyday life. It is also a perfect example of how widespread social misogyny and homophobia harms everyone, not just women and queer people. Those are obviously its primary targets, but it's so obsessed with policing and punishing those traits in straight men (especially straight men) that it forces them into these toxic boxes and creates the kind of alienation, sense of thwarted ambition, and ideologically sanctioned supremacy that gives rise to the culture of mass shooters, domestic violence, and other such outbreaks of institutionally toxic masculinity. So yeah. The answer to this, according to the wingnuts, is 100% "men can't be close friends with other men, that might be gay and that is bad, and if they're lonely, it's just because they're Woke and don't know that they're better than women and should control them at all times." Until we uproot that and the rest of the vast tangle of pseudo-fascist logic that is attached to it, we aren't going to get anywhere with solving this.

#anonymous #ask

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storiesbyrhi · 1 year

Text

Witch!Reader x Bat/Vampire!Eddie Munson Series Masterlist The Grimoire The Timeline

Warnings: canon typical violence, horror genre typical violence, swearing, animal death, no beta, warnings updated each chapter.

Synopsis: No witch has stepped foot in Hawkins since 1845, but when Vecna opens the ground and poisons the town, a voice begins to call to you. Have you been brought back to this cursed place to heal the townspeople’s wounds, to save a hexed bat that always finds its way to you, or to redefine your history with a reunion 150 years in the making?

Chapter Summary: An ye harm none, do what ye will. 3371 words.

Author's Note: In 1986, we pick up where we left off.

1836

“I know you’re there,” you stated, not stopping from where you were cleansing crystals by moonlight.

The stream ran clear, the surface of the water a mirror. His arrival was reflected and further announced by the wildlife’s silence. He emerged from the darkness, cautious but sure he had the upper hand. He thought you would move so your back wasn’t to him. Yet, you remained on your knees by the stream.

If he was completely honest, your lack of fear was refreshing.

“Did you keep me a secret, little witch?” he asked. “Or is there a grand plan I am falling victim to?”

Instead of answering his question, you said, “My name is Amabel.” You looked over your shoulder at him. “Using my name won’t trap you,”

“Maybe not. Why should I use a name that you’ll throw away?”

“Why do you care if I throw it away?”

His blank expression broke as a smirk curled along his lips. He walked towards you with the grace of a cat, quickly coming to sit beside you on the stream’s bank.

“Why haven’t you told them?” he questioned.

Even if you had wanted to, you couldn’t answer the question. There was no logical reason why you hadn’t told the coven about him. In fact, you were breaking witch law by not disclosing. More than that, you were putting the lives of all who lived on the flatlands at risk.

“What are you doing here?” you deflected.

“Are we to leave all questions unanswered?” He sounded amused.

For a moment, you focused on your task. He watched as you cleansed quartz, howlite, opal, and topaz. Your lips moved quickly, silently, as you uttered words he couldn’t understand. He’d never been so close to a witch. He wondered if he or you were older. Who would win if a battle broke out?

When your crystals were gently placed in a basket, cloth covering them, you looked back to him. “Do you have a name?”

“I have many,”

“And which, lonely vampire, shall I call you by?”

He thought of what his name would sound like, falling from your lips like a hymn. The vampire was afraid of what that would do to him. “Enjoy your rocks,” he teased, while committing the sight of you bathed in moonlight to memory.

You watched him turn and walk away for as long as he’d let you, before he blinked out of sight.

…

1986

Witches have never traversed the sky upon the humble broom. Likewise, vampires have never possessed the ability to transform into a bat. It was all fictitious superstition and generational mythology. If the man you were helping was indeed a vampire, it still didn’t mean he was meant to take the bat form. It did, however, begin to explain how the form came to be.

Kelsey had been right. A hex had been passed down on him. If he was a vampire, it reasoned he was cursed before the species had been erased from the face of the earth… Before the witches had figured out how to kill a vampire. Prior to that, a vampire could be rendered innocuous by being transformed into something benign. A common big brown bat, for example.

You were left with two choices.

Option one was to wait until the vampire reverted back to the bat, then leave him that way. Trust in the witch who cast the hex. Trust that witch law had been just and righteous.

Option two was to kill the thing. You knew he would find his way back to you, seeking help again. While he was small, just a forest-dwelling creature, you could kill him the way you used to kill vampires. Be done with it all.

Sitting on the couch inside your trailer, you began to smell the end goal of Michelle’s animal corpse hunt. She set the pile on fire, plunging Forest Hills into a cloud of death. The smell was too familiar, and you quickly started taping up windows and doors to try to block the smoke out.

While you worked, a third option kept tiptoeing into your head, coming from shadows behind memories. Option three was to help the vampire return and remain in his true form.

Out of your thoughts, nothing was keeping the smell of burning animals from your home.

The perfume of death and ash. The sound of organs and body parts expanding in the heat then popping. The sight of skin melting away from muscle, and muscle cooking onto bone. It was tumbling out of recollections you’d long since buried.

You crawled under the covers of your bed, curled up, and rocked yourself in an attempt to self-soothe. The scent. The panic.

Your life, a witch’s life, was not all rosemary and sage and love spells. You’d witnessed worse than the stories of the Four Horsemen. Worse than Dante’s Inferno and manmade chemical genocide. Worse than Vecna.

The bat was the most calming thing you could think about in the moment. How when he was a bat, he was actually cute, with his fluffy little puff of a body and teeny tiny nose. When he wasn’t a bat, he was beautiful too. Although, you figured it was bad luck to think of a vampire as beautiful. You couldn’t help it.

He was ethereal, porcelain skin a perfect canvas for his ink black eyes and the scars that ripped across his skin. The scars meant he’d been to battle against witches at least once in his life. Vampires could heal from anything but the craft. His hair was the same colour as his bat fur, a deep shade of brown, like sweet soil from the earth or Aztec cocoa beans.

Did he know he was a vampire, you wondered. He’d been satisfying his innate need for blood by draining trailer park animals, but he hadn’t drunk from a human. Not yet, at least. Maybe he was a psychological blank slate. Maybe it would be kind and merciful to give him a chance at redemption.

The smell eased as you made a decision.

Option three was not a silly little dare your mind was whispering to you. It was the only way forward that honoured your oath. Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill: An ye harm none, do what ye will.

Until you’d proven the vampire to be deserving of hex or death, you would aim for healing, the craft in which you were most adept.

…

When you emerged from under the covers, all that was left in the air was a lingering aroma of ash and barbeque. You felt a little nauseous but pulled yourself together enough to pick up the phone.

“How do you undo a curse?”

Kelsey barked one loud clap of laughter. “So, your spell sucked?”

“Ah…” The man and his dark eyes. Spilled water. The burrow under your trailer. “Yeah, it didn’t work… But I used a truth mirror, saw that he’s in there,”

“He? The bat is for sure a man?”

“Yeah.” It didn’t feel good to lie to Kelsey, but if she knew he was a vampire, if anyone did, being exiled as punishment would be considered clemency.

“Dude… You’re in so deep. You see that, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“If your healing spell even kind of worked, then it means it was definitely a witch who cursed him. This isn’t Romani craft, or a rogue warlock, or fae mischief. It’s your magic. Your lineage. The oath you took. And you want to undo it,”

“What if it was a dark witch,” you tried. The silence on the other end was telling. “It’s not like there hasn’t ever been a witch who-”

“I know. We all know about the dark witches. They’re infamous though. Your little bat friend would probably be in the history books too, you know?”

“I’m being careful, Kels,”

“What, you drew one devil’s trap?”

Damn. “Uh, no. I have-”

“A circle of salt? Some little charms?”

“Why are you being so mean?” you whined.

“Because I don’t want you to unchain the fucking Anti-Christ or some shit,”

“Wouldn’t that be in the history books?”

“Not if anyone had half a brain… Seriously. You need to be more careful than that,”

“I am. I will be careful. I promise… Please? Kels?”

Kelsey groaned dramatically, the sound morphing into a small roar. “Fine! Fuck. But I changed my mind about coming to Hawkins. I don’t think I can handle-”

“No, that’s fine! Totally fine!” You’d forgotten that she’d offered a visit last phone call. You absolutely did not need her to see what you were up to. A second witch in Hawkins would likely cause more of a stir, bringing unwanted attention as well. “Just tell me what you know.”

…

As anticipated, the bat returned to you. When you let him in, he swooped the length of the trailer then came to hover in front of you.

“Hi,” you whispered to him. Holding a hand up, you invited him to land. He did, nuzzling into your palm. “Do you know what you are, when you’re like this? Or do you lose that sense? You just remember this safe place, with me?”

The bat chittered a reply, making you smile.

“You’re adorable, you know that?”

For what the bat knew, you could help. The awareness he’d woken up to was not freeing. There was no liberation. Instead, it was a cold and bitter loneliness. And while briefly finding his true form was an even more excruciating experience, he yearned for it.

You took the bat to the kitchen, letting him climb from your hand onto the counter top. Sitting at the bench on a bar stool, you looked at him carefully.

“Are you listened to me? Do you understand me?” There was no objective way of knowing, so you had to trust that he could. “I’m going to try to help you. But we need to talk first, so we’re going to do the healing spell one last time, okay?” You weren’t sure why you paused for an answer. “You can’t run. I don’t know if you’re consciously connected to the other guy, but if you are, you have to stay with me.”

The third showing of the burning yarrow spell ran smoothly.

“So shall it be.

So shall it be.

So shall it be.”

He appeared in the devil’s trap, then looked up at you. More prepared than previously, you offered a throw blanket to him. The man took it and laid it over himself, not moving off the ground. Holding your hands out in front of you in surrender, you slowly lowered yourself to the floor and sat cross-legged in front of him.

“Do you understand me?” you asked, voice a whisper.

The man nodded awkwardly, as if it were the first time he’d ever tried the action.

You smiled, your entire face lighting up. The man blinked hard, feeling something inside him stir.

“I promise, you’re safe here. If you run now, we have to do this all again, and I’m fresh out of hawthorn.”

Maybe you should have planned for what you’d say to him, because it took a couple of beats of silence and staring at each other for you to speak again.

“Do you know where you are?”

He shook his head. No.

“Do you know who you are?”

No.

“Do you know what you are?”

No.

“Can you speak?”

He opened his mouth, tried to push a word out. His throat was dry, scratchy.

“Okay… Maybe you need… food…” You theorised the stronger he was, the easier speech and thought would come to him. The risk of offering yourself up as a snack was far too great. The idea of catching an animal to condemn to death hurt you to your core. What was the alternative?

You sighed, looking away from the man. The vampire.

You couldn’t condemn a life to death, but there were plenty already doomed fates in Hawkins. Standing up, you grabbed your bag.

“Wait here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

He listened to you lock the trailer’s front door and get into your car. The tires crunched over the gravel before smoothing out onto the main road.

He stayed on the floor for as long as his patience would allow, before finding his feet. He began to look at all the things in your trailer. You hadn’t occupied it long enough to have it filled with knick-knacks and trinkets, but there was enough evidence of you for him to consider.

In the bathroom, he picked up bottles and your hair brush to smell. Everything was so foreign to him. He knew he was alien to a time and place like this.

Your scent was strongest in the bedroom. He followed it into the space, crawling along your sheets until he hit pillow. The softness felt wrong. It made his skin prickle. Still, he curled up on the bed, resolute to remain there until you returned to him.

…

1836

It was the vampire that spoke first the third time you crossed paths. “You have ventured quite far from the settlement, little witch,” he observed, jumping from a tree bough to fall in line next to you.

“And you have ventured quite early in the evening. I can still see the burn of the sun on the horizon. Is it not too warm for you?” you queried.

He smiled. “Your concern is heartening, but I’m in fine health.”

You looked at him, lost yourself in his gaze for a moment before tearing your eyes away and back to the path you were cutting through the woods to the grassy prairie beyond.

He followed you, weaving his own track around you as he disappeared behind trees and brush, only to return with flowers and berries. You took them without question, collecting them in the basket meant for the task at hand, which certainly wasn’t collecting vampire gifts.

When the clearing opened up, you spotted what you’d come for immediately. The green milkweed was growing in abundance. Happily, you began to harvest seed pods from them.

The vampire silently appeared; the long grass entirely mute of his arrival. “What does a witch do with this?” he asked as he inspected the plant for himself.

“Guess,” you challenged.

“Hmmm… Do you grind it up and blow it at a full moon to cure lovesickness? Or can you brew it down to an oil, douse a doll, and curse a soul?”

You laughed, hearty and loud. The vampire smiled from ear to ear.

“No. There is silk on the inside of these,” you told him, holding up one of the seed pods. “It is fine but strong, if you know how to weave it. The humans cannot, but… the craft can,”

“What do you do with the silk?”

“Now that’s a secret,” you whispered, ducking your head and looking at him conspiratorially.

The vampire smirked and nodded, then walked away from you. He stayed in the field and watched you work. When a mother doe and her fawn wandered close, he saw how you steered them away from the milkweed, offering them grass and some of the flowers he had given you.

He’d been still, leaning against a rocky outcrop. If he moved, the deer would sense him and bolt immediately. A few more minutes with the creatures you innately loved, then. You let them feed from your hand and the intimacy of the gesture unsettled the vampire. To stave off the jealousy, he stood tall, letting the deer run in fear. You shot him a look.

“You gave them my flowers,” he offered in explanation.

“Did you not give them to me unconditionally?”

“Unconditionally?” he repeated.

It made you sad, the expression on his face. “I suppose there is not a great deal of unconditional good in your world, is there?”

He squirmed at the insight, stalking away into the afternoon’s growing shadows. “Safe travels home, little witch. Beware. These woods are filled with monsters.”

…

1986

Magic wasn’t meant to be used for mischief or strife or trickery. Sometimes, though, trickery was the best way to avoid chaos. Hawkins Kennels were doing their best to look after stray dogs injured in the ‘earthquakes,’ and to home animals that had lost their owners. Their best was not enough; nobody noticed an old ridgeback go missing.

The dog was sedated, scheduled for humane euthanasia the next morning. He’d been found under earthquake rubble, and deemed too old to go through surgery and rehabilitation. It was the most ethical solution you could think of.

The ridgeback stayed unconscious during the drive back to Forest Hills. You carried his deadweight into the trailer under the cloak of darkness.

When you put the dog on the couch and covered him with a blanket, guilt stabbed through you like a knife. Your nose burned and tears formed. It was against your nature to bring an animal to slaughter.

Standing up, you glanced around, fearful the man had once again left. You felt him though. He was close by. Walking through to your bedroom, you softened at the sight of him curled up.

Still naked, his eyes were wide open, unblinking. Upon first look, it would be easy to say his stare was emotionless. As you watched him though, you realised the blackness was not one void of emotion, but rather the sum of all of them, of all the colours on the spectrum.

“Hey,” you greeted softly, crouching down next to the bed. “Are you… okay?”

His gaze flicked to you in a second, his eyebrows knitting together. You didn’t know what that meant, so you slid your hand across the sheets and held it out to him. He looked at your palm, made some sort of calculation, and looked back at you. Withdrawing your hand, you stood up.

“Come with me?”

Following you out to the lounge room, he stood next to you looking at the dying dog and listening to his laboured breathing.

“I… I don’t know if I should be doing this.”

The vampire listened intently but didn’t take his eyes off the dog.

“There’s this thing inside me telling me that I’m… I don’t know, heading in the right direction? But this feels wrong. And I don’t know if the ends justify the means.”

You looked at the thing beside you. Man. Vampire. Something in between. To be saved. To be saved from. Hunted. Hunter.

“You have to promise me that you won’t hurt him. It can’t be…” Years and years of vampire carnage flashed in your mind. “It needs to be peaceful. If it’s not, I will let you turn back into the bat and I will hex you myself. Do you understand?”

He nodded, his curls bouncing with the movement. His expression was neutral as he walked across the room and knelt in front of the couch.

For a moment, you felt the flicker of panic, but you remained glued to the spot. Censorship was a kindness you’d not allow yourself. You would bare witness to what you had done.

The man ran a hand down the dog’s back before pulling him off the couch and into his lap. It wasn’t tender, but nor was it careless. He nuzzled his head into the dog, then opened his mouth wide. His off-white teeth were deadly sharp, and when they pierced the dog’s jugular, you expected some sort of reaction. The dog did not stir as his blood was drained from him.

Had vampires possessed the ability to bring death serenely all along? Had you only met those hellbent on fear and pain?

It was over unnaturally quick. The man returned the dog to the couch, wrapped the body in the throw blanket, then stood. He looked over at you, his cheeks tinged with the slightest colour and his lips stained red. There had not been a single drop of blood wasted.

As you were about to collect the body, find a final resting place for the dog, the vampire took a step towards you. You froze.

His lips parted. “Thank you,” he said, voice deep and unwavering.

End Note: The timeline and Grimoire have been updated. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings!

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