#and i go do uni things again
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One is different oh nooo :>
Used of the newer renders by dvinaamesca as an angle reference for this one while the colors and lighting be my own brain doing sillies, he looked too pretty from this angle sorry :<
#lies of p#lop#pinocchio#LISTEEEN i had to#he just looked too pretty for me not to#either way if dvina got an issue with it#just hmu and i can get rid of the post :>#aint trying to instigate anything here just thought it was a cool angle#OK I GO NOW FOR REAL#do drink some water babes#and i go do uni things again#SEEE YAAAAAAA
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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born to write fanfiction forced to go to pilates
#WHAT IS HAPPENING. HOW DID I GET HERE#THIS IS NOT MY SCENE I SHOULD NOT BE HERE OR WHATEVER THE WOMBATS SAID#no hate to pilates itself im acc very pumped for it but the entire setting of a gym TERRIFIES me#but the uni is running a bunch of shit for women’s month and one of the events is this where they’ve booked the gym#and for 3 hours for free you can just go to different sessions#and me and my mate saw ‘free’ and didn’t look back like one thing I love about us is We Will Just Try Shit#and now im here in athleisure kit. no cargos in sight#I actually can’t remember the last time my outfit was so streamlined I feel naked rn#only plus is I’ve somehow got a decent fit like I had a real moment of secondary school PE class thinking I was gonna#be looking around feeling shitty and out of place for not having The Branded Shit but somehow I’ve acquired stuff#leggings from my old flatmate who IS a gym girlie meaning im twatting about in GYMSHARK LEGGINGS LIKE SOME SORT OF POSER#I feel like im going to dance classes again this is so. this entire thing feels on the edge of nostalgic and generally just WEIRD#I feel like the Cool Girls will be there I feel like they will know there is something Fundamentally Off about me and I’ll never know what#BUT OH WELL. DO IT SCARED#hella goes to uni
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Stareater might be on a lil pause whilst I catch up with uni work
But when I do pick it up again it's very close to being done ..so HM ..I'm not worried about this becoming a month long hiatus like last time :)
#stareater au#yipppppppeee#i had a very very roung day today relating to uni#so i feelllll real drained#exspecilay after yhe idea of having to pause stareater once again#but its okay ...im confident in how its going#im also debating starting liek a team of ppl who might eanna help out and work on thsi au#whether that be art or writing or whatever#im a lil drowned in work and i think its time i ask help a lil#cos the last thing i wanna do is abandon the au
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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UEHEHEHEHE Thought I might upload some silly little doodles from @kumakooo ‘s whiteboard!!
#maverick mic#maddy moon#HEHEHHHE I thought it would be funny to have Maverick dress up as Johnny Cage#hehehehe which would make Maddy Cassie Caaage#oh that’s so silly idk why#I think Maverick is kinda Johnny Cage coded 😔😔#to some extent…#also I would like to apologize for not uploading as much#most of the things I drew weren’t upload worthy 😔😔😔😔#and honestly I was going through it ( I hope I won’t do that again in the future 💀💀)#BUT YEAH hopefully this uni break will let me get a grip and I’ll actually do something for once!! Yippee#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home arg#welcome home oc#my art
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Havin' a lil mormor renaissance in my inbox and notes. It's fun, it's kinda like bumping into an old comfy sweater in the back in your closet and finding it still fits.
... a very kinky, unhealthily codependent sweater.
#I'm mostly trying to find the fun in writing again#Most of the writing I managed to do the last year or so was editing already written things#So I kinda need the fresh air of writing from scratch apparently#Not sure if it's working yet but it is a change so that's good#And my imagination has fired up again#Also! Seeing a lot of usernames that are a blast from the past#(NGL tho the ones that go 'I read tvd when I was twelve and I'm out of uni now!' always make me go a little yikes)#I'm writing stuff!#About me
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got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D
#delete later#sortof bc its basically already mine since my mom works there and said the current assistant sucks so bad theyll take Anyone with a degree#and theyre desperate#and its super casual and low intensity but still stressed tf out#bc i havent done anything non routine since december and my anxiety has gotten soooo bad and im soooo bad at talking to people#and ik the antidote is doing things again which is why am i doing this but. scary#and time is moving too fast and im so lost and i hate my stupid fuckass grocery store job and idk what to dew w my life rn#cannot stop reminiscing abt the life unlived and the time lost and while i do that i am not living anf losing time#😃😃😃😃😃😃#cannot stop thinking abt how my school life is simply over and i missed it i wasted it its Over 😀 no more chances#didnt make ONE friend in 5 years of university didnt join anything didnt do anything except mentally deteriorate#uni is supposed to be the source of so much life and experience. and yooo i missed it 😂yooooo omg its too late for me 😂😂😂#i rememebr before crossing the stage at high school graduation i was like. rn im in the part of my life before graduation#and in a minute suddenly im gonna be in the after#and then i realized recently. im in The After of university. the moment passed and i missed it#there is no more chances theres no more ‘next semester ill make friends’ theres no more Anything it is Over#time keeps going so fast and yallll i cant go back lol 😂😂😂 brooo wtf nobody told me u can never go back 😂#dawg i havent felt alive even once since leaving high school 😂 yo i peaked at age 17 😂 yo jm about to turn 23 and my last memory is being 19#yooooo whered the time go 😂😂😂😂 brooo where does it keep going lol come back wait up im runnin out of time 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#x
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i feel soooo much better today already lmfao and also had a date with i think the best dating app victim i've had all my life lol
#petra.txt#he's........ exactly like my ex it's scary lmfao let's see where this goes#like down to they went to the same uni and did kinda the same thing. and i'm abt 75% sure they must know each other 💀#well. let's see where this goes#thank u again to everyone who's reached out - i didn't answer some asks bc i got someone being mad at me for fandom stuff and i was like.#why do i even say anything on this website. but i really appreciate it#i really didn't feel like going on this date today but we've had it set for so long i didn't wanna disappoint him#and i'm soooo glad i did it
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Send in the artillery pls I need to pull myself together TODAY OR SO HELP ME--
#this is just a post#nothing to be concerned abt#just me trying to motivte myself to get a decent routine going before uni starts and the Decomposing eventually starts again XD#I JUST NEED TO ESTABLISH A BASELINE LEVEL OF SANITY BEFORE THE SEM PLS#Its the last sem too gosh i still don't know how i feel about that#BUT WE'RE GOING DOWN SWINGING#and the goal is simply to prepare for it#idc if it's not the Best Prep I could do#it just needs to exist#SO ANYWAY#im off to dump a to-do list somewhere#and eventually get things done today >:D#Inshallah XD#wolia rambles
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today sucked the life out of me ya Allah
#nothing particularly happened#well actually multiple things happened but none of them are that big of a deal im just tired#yesterday the ppt file for my presentation corrupted as i was finishing it :') didn't have autosave on :'))#had to redo the entire thing from scratch. i was working on it all week too for god's sake#finished by like 4am today and i had to be up by 8 for uni so i barely slept#the presentation was fine i think given i had to do everything again last minute but ik the original version was better#my blood pressure was through the roof the entire day for some reason. felt my pulse in my head for the whole day#fitting because our pbl case this week was about hypertension😭#called my dad to make sure he went to get his meds renewed...#i'm really worried about him he refused to go to the doctor again aslan but i sat him down and we had a long talk about it#alhamdulillah he agreed to go. only for them not to have his diabetes meds in stock💀 bas ya3ni it's good that he went anyway#my mom is a different story she's so stubborn i swear#had an argument with her today about letting me work again to lift a bit of the workload off her since money is still so tight#and she got pissed at me#so now im tired unrested have a migraine and my mom is mad at me what a day bgad#ya Allah
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Rewatching Live to Vinyl for the first time really made my brain go all agitated enough to look for connections between the songs in the setlist and how this particular setlist doesn't seem to be random at all or just along the lines of "well, just picked because sounded good together), so everything stitched together in it makes a perfect sense, and how Man Alive being re-released after Raw Data Feel instead of its actual anniversary is also not a coincidence (yeah you can talk about pandemic and how music industry works and how strategical decisions are made but let me just romanticise my way through that lol).
Anyway, what one won't do instead of writing personal statement / motivation letter (ugh)
#personal#I really can't go further than the introductory paragraph in this personal statement shit for personal reasons (pun intended)#ah yeah and guess who implied lyrics there again xD#some things never change: I tried to imply my fave music all the way through my first Uni and now 8 years later oops I do it again#but now on a bigger scale because the education system is hella different
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me + mayhem going on a stupid silly hike for my stupid silly mental health
touched grass and i am normal again (lying)
#i will get back to drawing soon let me just sleep for a few years shdjhkfds#anyway photo credit to mayhem again i cant take pictures to save my life lol#btw the caption is obvs reference to that one hike video tiktok i think so credit to that also its not my joke#anywqay it was nice did help me a little bit#been feeling a bit down due to some personal problems ykno#and also due to not being accepted into a med uni I rly wanted to (but didn't put enough effort I'll confess) and that almost no one getsin#but i was only missing one point o(-( i was the first in line outside the capacity limit hasjkdhsahd#even tho my brain is rly small for it lets be real hfjsdfhksd but like hhsdjhshdjkhd those biches at physiotherapy baited me hdsjd#mqf i have failed you lol#also i have accidentaly gotten back into one piece as I do for like two weeks periodically every few months or so dhjsdhk#so im revisiting my olde blorbo trafalgar which is just reminding me of a fact that this was one of the fuckers my itty bitty young self -#- wanted to pursue medicine beacause of lmaoooo#bad timing one piece fixation!! bad bad!! sdhhdjshdjakshd#whatevrrr whatevr whatevr io dotn care! enough of that hahhskj#but hey as some of u may remeber im czech so haa whats up with the mountains right since we are very cute and 'down to earth' state hahaha#its cuz its actually from austria :))#we went hiking there since theyre co by kamenem dohodil as they say#fuck english has the exactly same saying im moron that ruins my whole thing hjdsk 'a stone's throw away' whatever ignore that ig hahhah#so yeah very beautiful very powerful go touch some grass lads#also they are not stones throw away i was lying but close enough-#also random czechs stop jumpscaring me in other countries challenge why was there so many of us horrible horrible horrible
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#i have been kind of irregular on here... mainly because ive been forgetting to take pictures of my day 😭#its holiday for voting day today so its also the start of a long weekend#turns out i have a million things to complete for uni and i cant find a single right way to track them...#im also afraid that setting up a tracker at this point is taking away from the time i do have to spend on work... but idk man#kind of panicking.... i have internals for a few extra credits on on monday then finals for the same subjects on friday#and my guide also wants a report of all my internship progress on her desk by monday morning... so its a bit....#i also need to prep to write gre before i move out the country for my masters... i wont have time once my classes start again#yeah. its a whole thing...#i also need to read up on the candidates in my area before i go vote so theres just so much to do one after the other...
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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