okay but bratting in public and taking it too far around his friends, thinking that he won't do anything only for him to drag me by the wrist out of the room. bending me over and spanking me as hard he could with his hand before forcing me to my knees to suck him off and then taking me back inside with the promise of finishing my punishment later. i take my seat, wincing and disheveled. my dress rumpled and my lipstick smudged and when asked where he took me, i meet his eyes begging him not to be honest but he looks away and says "i had to discipline her because she clearly forgets her place sometimes"

I may have posted about this before, but I don't understand the whole proshipper/anti debate. As far as I understand, I'm on the side of proshippers (i think fiction is fiction and doesn't have to reflect reality. because it's fiction.), but what I don't get is why there's such a clear defined binary, and why there's such animosity between the two. It's just a difference in opinion, like any other, isn't it? I understand that either group can "take it too far" (though i dont really get how proshippers could be TOO okay with problematic ships). but i really think either viewpoint is fine to a degree, they both have logic behind them, and it's just a matter of preference, isn't it?

watching @drdemonprince's conversation with Fern Brady and god this is why it's important to hear people like us talk about our experiences. i learn so much from other autistic people.

while talking about alexithymia fern described having ongoing and mysterious pain during a really stressful period of time that never went away no matter what she tried, and as soon as she received resolution on the thing she was stressed about, the pain also resolved. ive this exact experience a number of times and i have slowly been building a very contextually-specific hypothesis about it (my body builds up pain like a pressure valve and as long as i deny it it gets worse, and as soon as i give myself permission to take the rest i need - and take that rest - it tends to resolve. at least the acute moments. for the longest time, i would not let myself call in sick from work unless i was "sick enough", because i was terrified of being seen as unreliable, and because i was worried about losing the income for any missed days of work. i've always used up my PTO on sick days and doctor days because i needed so many of those.

ever since ive been working from home, and then promoted to a a role where i have a lot more ability to work around things like this without losing pay, i've suffered a lot fewer of those maxed out pressure valve moments.

my ibs in general and flareups have all also gotten a lot less acute.

fern's story just gave me a lightning bolt of realization, and put into perspective all this mysterious sporadic and chronic pain i experience that doctors can never really explain or understand no matter how much i describe it or how many tests i undergo. i just saw my doctor yesterday about it and she shrugged and suggested we continue to monitor it and as usual we ruled out all the things it probably isnt.

even ibs is one of those diagnoses of excluding what it isnt.

anyway. it's fucking incredible to hear someone talk about experiencing something and for the first time in three decades being able to point at that and go "yes!! me too!! that's the thing i experience too!!!"

Being a medieval geek and watching medieval shows is both a blessing and a curse, because sometimes the anachronism is funny, and other times it makes you want to throttle the writers and ask them what the fuck they're doing.

Funny Things: technically none of the saddles on BBC Merlin should have stirrups, those didn't reach England until 10th century during the Viking invasions. The shiny decoration on Morgana's green dress wouldn't be beading but most likely preserved beetle shells. The bright red colour of the Pendragon banners and capes would come from a dye made with bugs.

I-Have-QUESTIONS Things: If Gaius and Hunith are supposed to be siblings and Gaius wasn't previously a freeman (ergo bound in service to Camelot, meaning his entire family was also) how did Hunith end up in another kingdom, that's literally illegal, she's also got an education that she clearly passed on to Merlin, so their family must have had wealth/importance at one point, so again WHY IS SHE IN PODUNK, ESSETIR, and [gunshots]

here me out: Young Hunith was an anarchist and deliberately left Camelot bc she wanted to start her own life somewhere else, thereby going against Gaius's wishes to stay low and keep the peace. unlike her relative Gaius, who stayed bc that was the law and whatnot, Hunith said "fuck that" and in this essay i will--

thinking gabriel thoughts (again)

👀?

i've talked a lot about jane to the point where i think she's like. the most verbally fleshed-out character of the cast but. i can never talk about her too much ^_^

as i've said, post mansion-arrival she completely switches her worldview and diverts her rage from jeff to the people who made her that way. she wants to both stop any further deaths from happening at the hands of the government in a fruitless attempt to stop a 13 year old brat who spends 80% of his time playing shitty roblox games and also get revenge for the years of her life they took from her, as she was an assassin for the government for several years before her arrival. she's since realized the government never actually cared about her, bringing the criminals to justice, or getting any semblance of closure for victims' families. she never even had proof for most of her hits. they just told her who to kill and she killed them, because she believed by doing so she was doing the world a better place by getting rid of "bad people". and sure, maybe everyone she killed was a horrible murderer. but that's not the point!

now that she's gone rogue things get a lot harder for her, obviously, but it just fuels her rage. it's really important to me that she doesn't lose her rage and need for revenge, because it's Such a trademark of her character. also as i've said i think the liquid rage would fucking kill her if she stopped being angry for more than 2 seconds so she's gotta divert things Somewhere.

she has a Very weird dynamic with jeff because jeff reminds her of jessie, so ofc her instinct is to go big sister mode and protect him, but jeff is Not about it. he doesn't hate her, but he thinks she's a pussy for not being able to kill him. there was a solid week where he kept taunting her, trying to get her to actually try and kill him, before jack smacked him upside the head and made him promise he'd stop trying to get himself killed. jack's the one that holds more of a grudge towards jane, but more in the sense that he's Always on guard when it comes to the other kids' safety. nina's the one that Genuinely hates jane's guts and constantly attempts to kill her, for obvious enough reasons

[send me a "👀" and i'll ramble about an au]

i regret to announce my work is at it again trying to force me to come into the office

had a convo with someone about fandom and writing and moralization and purity culture and they were against it and yet when we started talking about problematic media and authors the arguments they used were literally the same as moralizing arguments

still trying to understand their logic

won’t go into too much more bc they’re on tumblr too but I’m still thinking about it

think I came off as a dick bc I didn’t just nod my head and agree

but mostly I’m just real fucking tired

i think that you would be an amazing teacher and i wish i could be in your class

aw thank you so much!! i'm glad you think so.. hopefully i can make at least one student's high school career a little easier, and hopefully i can remind them why they should never stop loving learning, no matter how hard the school system tries to beat it out of them :')

nothing will remind you how many people should not be parents like the comment section of a video of a four year old being upset over something.

falling down an aba therapy rabbit hole god so many people just treat autistic people with fluctuating abilities as subhuman there is always a better workaround for kid AND parent but really its not about the parent here its abt the kid

me again, sorry if I made you uncomfy with my last ask Ari!! you’ve just mentioned it a few times on here in passing and I was curious like… WHAT are the unspeakable things lol /lh

NOT UNCOMFY AT ALL!!!!!! you are so sweet for even caring.. im just so sincerely embarassed DKJSJD

idk... i mostly want to write about punishment and like sadomasochism stuff and MAYBEEE cnc JKFHVJKCKJ. i just wanna put him through it and then describe the most lovesick aftercare . i am simple.

“We treat the employee handbook like the Bible”

Oh so you cherry-pick the parts that suit you and overlook the parts that violate people’s rights?

x

ok but this last episode of doom patrol really said 'we're doing uncomfortable camp bc even we can't keep up real quirky when it comes to fucked up relationships with fathers'

if i’ve learned anything this year, it’s that the true weakness of super-passionate dead poets society type literature teachers are not the apathetic kids that don’t care about literature, but the kids that bastardize literature, because those kids ARE very passionate about literature, but for none of the right reasons (in terms of being constructive to the class’ understanding of the material). there is no impassioned rant of memorized poetry that can possibly combat the honest to god bitchslap that is “rodion raskolnikov is the bisexual 1800s russian au version of scott pilgrim” or “vladimir and estragon are gay married but perpetually on the brink of divorce”