Wolverine, Nick Fury: The Scorpio Connection (1989)

That video of Glen Powell playing with his nephew where he’s throwing him in the air. You CANT tell me after that Epilogue that Hangman wasn’t the fun uncle when he came to visit.

Are you talking about this one? Or even this one! Or this one because it’s my personal favourite. Special shout-out to @babyrooster thanks for the upload.

Because if those are any of the videos you’re talking about? Then yes. 100% Jake Seresin is always down 👏 to 👏 clown 👏 when it comes to your boys.

The Bradshaw resistance quickly becomes a home base for the rotating rag tag team of aviators you and Rooster saw as family. Jake Seresin and Robert Floyd being the two most frequent flyers. Always making time on whatever leave they had to visit, to catch up. To spend time with the boys who absolutely held their whole hearts. Nicholas and Thomas Bradshaw.

The two beautiful blonde haired, Heterochromia having ass ratbags. So much of their father and so much of you all at the same time. Some days you didn’t know how the tops of their little heads didn’t pop off.

“Oh your so having a girl—“ Hangman smirked from across the dinner table, Tom sitting on his lap as he played with his peas. “I just have a gut instinct.” Little Nick on yours as he drove his little toy plane over the small arch of your stomach. Already starting the show a heavy obsession with all things that could fly.

“My gut instinct tells me my husband has a weak pull out game.” Groaning, you took a sip of your water, five months along with your third child. “But yeah, it feels different this time, I haven’t been as sick.”

“Oof—“ Jake snickers as he bounced Tom on his knee. “You gonna let her talk about you like that Bradshaw—I wouldn’t take that if I were you.”

“And that’s why you’re ‘wife’ is half way across the world right now, Hangman.” Rooster whipped around from where he stood facing the sink in the the kitchen, his kiss the chef apron hugging his waist. Pointing a fork Hangman’s way. “My wife can talk to me and about me however she wants, I watched her birth my children man—free hall pass for life.” Rooster turned back to where he’d been cleaning the few bits and pieces after dinner. Jake couldn’t help but to laugh softly as he shook his head.

“Damn, I remember when you’re parents couldn’t even be in the same room without wanting to rip each other to pieces.” Cooing as he bounced Tom on his knee. The three year old giggling his infectious laugh as he tried to spoon his mushy peas into his mouth. Jake tickling his sides gently to keep the laughter going. “That’s right I know—your mama used to be so rude to uncle Jake, now look at her—such a big softy.”

“It’s called maturity.” Snapping back with a grin you moved Nick to your other knee. Jake gestured from across the table for you to hand him over, standing as you graciously accepted. He knew you were getting tired, he could see it in your eyes. The dark circles a little more prominent then usual.

“It’s called being lame, Chaos.” Carefully helping guide Nick down ad you placed him on Jakes other knee. Tom instantly sharing his mushy peas with his twin brother.

“Uh, you can’t call me that anyone—“ wiggling your finger. “I’m retired.”

“You’re always gonna be Chaos to me, you can’t not be! I have your god damn name tattooed on my body forever!” The small calligraphy Chaos that hid behind Jakes right ear would serve as a timeless reminder of the strength you showed, the determination that never wavered and the love you carried. Jakes drunken mind thought that having your call sign permanently tattooed would hopefully give him just an once of your courage.

“That’s your dumbass fault—“ Bradley chuckled as he made his way over, fully immersing himself into the conversation as he sat down at the table beside Hangman—sliding a cold beer his way.

“Much appreciated pops—“ Jake winked Roosters way, fatherhood really did suit him.

“Bet you didn’t think she’d discharge huh.”

“Still can’t believe you gave it up.” Holding your boys, the boys who melted his whole heart, Jake sent you a soft smile. He knew why you did what you did, he just couldn’t come to terms with it.

“Hey that’s what happens when I’m left to my own devices, they come with prices and vices and suddenly I end up in crisis and the next thing you know is I’m Ex Navy.” Your hands fell to your swollen stomach, your baby girl kicking you just as much as you kicked yourself sometimes for letting go of your career in favour of being a mum. You knew you could have done both, but something inside you told you that you needed to be around for the long haul. “Anyway, are you sure you’re good for tomorrow?”

“Absolutely don’t even stress.” Jake held your boys in his arms as Rooster stepped in to help Tom actual eat his peas and not just play with them. Spooning them up and into his mouth. “We’re gonna have a great day, just the bros hanging out, isn’t that right boys?”

“They’re like a year and a half man, they don’t talk very much.” Rooster beamed as he dabbed the mush around Toms mouth away. “But thanks for babysitting man, we really do appreciate it.” Whenever Jake was over, crashing in the spare room while stateside—he’d offer his baby sitting services. Especially now more then ever with a third on the way, some alone time without the boys probably came few and far between.

“It’s not a problem, honestly.” And it really wasn’t. If anything Jake actually enjoyed playing babysitter, a little more than he would have liked to admit. He had a reputation to uphold, but for your children he’d do anything. He’d always be there, and he always was.

Then next morning, Jake was up and about the house before the ass crack of dawn. His feet padding again hardwood flooring as he ran his hands through his hair. Yawning—in search of the fresh coffee Rooster had left in the pot after he’d been up with a restless Nick. 

“Sleep well?” Rooster asked as he held Nick on his hip. The tot had cried himself back to sleep. The bottle of breastmilk Rooster had defrosted still sitting on the counters as Hangman poured his cup.

“God your kids have a mean set of lungs.” Turning to lean on the counter as he sighed. “Honestly at one point I thought for sure one of them was being sliced and diced.” Bradley just held his little boy in his arms. Rocking his hips side to side.

“Nicks been having some night terrors lately, not sure what’s causing it but Sarah said Chaos used to get them as a kid, guess it’s just hereditary?” Rooster cooed as he watched Jake frown, sipping his coffee like it was the elixir of life.

“Why do you get to call her that?”

“Call who what?”

“Y/n, you called her Chaos—“

“Oh, well yeah I guess it’s just gonna be a hard habit to break.” And it was. Rooster never stopped, no matter how many times you told him to. And Jake was no better.

“Now are you sure you’ll call if there’s any drama?” You asked as you packed a few extra diapers into the diaper bag. Rooster had his phone out recoding Jake as he threw little Tom into the air a few times before placing him on his hip. Reaching out for his glasses shortly after he settled in on uncle Jakes hip. “Because we’re not going too far, just to the day spa about twenty minutes away.”

“Choas—I promise you’re children are safe with me. We’ll be fine.”

“Okay—“

“I mean I’m hoping that the straps on the super hornets go a little tighter but—“ Slapping his chest with the back of your hand, a thud rang loud. Jake beamed your way as he brought you in for a side hug. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding—F-14 Tomcat?”

“It’s not funny!” Mumbling into Jakes side as you handed your twins over for the day. “They won’t be as dumb as us.” Rooster had to hold back his laughter, he knew there was no way his sons wouldn’t follow in his footsteps. He’d followed his dad and so had you, what would change the tradition.

“Well, regardless—we’re gonna have a great day.” Jake leaned over to pick the strap of the dipper bag up. Throwing it over his shoulder as he scooped up Nick—both tots on his hips respectfully. “Because I’m determined to be a the cool uncle.”

****~****~****~****~****~****~****~****~****~****

Read The Chaos Series Here

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Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 26

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 2207

Warnings: Talk of death

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Also sorry for the delay in posting this (again). I'm trying to unpack and it's going slowly, and I've been exhausted between that and work. I use my downtime to sleep or read (for the record, I now understand why everyone loves ACOTAR).

Chapter Songs: Right Now For Her

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Hangman

Sophie stayed next to Hangman's side like velcro, only breaking it when she discovered Ghost played guitar. Then, her attention focused solely on the female aviator. Hangman watched the two of them with an entertained smile, but the thought of his impending conversation with Matt never strayed far from his mind. He had barely been able to look at his brother throughout dinner, and when they all migrated to the living room, Matt's inevitable request to talk about 'some family stuff' arose. Not wanting to cause a scene, Hangman reluctantly agreed to it.

The two brothers casually strode outside to avoid being overheard by the women. For a moment, neither spoke. Hangman didn't know what to say. After all, the last time he'd seen Matt had been before he headed to the Naval Academy when his brother snuck him into the house while their dad was away so Jake could collect his belongings. Hangman studied Matt, noticing the fine lines gracing his face, the tiredness in his green eyes, and the sag in his once confident shoulders. Although still handsome, the recent events had evidently taken a toll on him. However, what Hangman noticed the most was the gentleness in his features. He'd only glimpsed those twice in his life: the night their mom died and the day he collected his stuff from the house. It seemed odd to see it now in a situation that was anything but relaxed.

"Were you going to tell me you were here?" Matt finally queried, searching for an answer in his brother's eyes that matched his own.

Hangman leaned back against the porch railing. "I don't know..."

"Wh-what do you mean you don't know? You either were or you weren't!"

"I mean it. I wasn't sure whether I was going to tell you or not. I came here for Ghost, not to solve my family issues, and I knew that if I told you I was here, you'd want to talk about things, and there are some-" Hangman sighed and met his brother's gaze- "there are some things I don't want to talk about. Dad, Nick, I want nothing to do with them. You're the only one that ever tried to reach out to me after what happened to Mom, but them? They made my life a living hell, even after I was gone."

Matt cocked his head, genuine surprise on his face. "What do you mean?"

"After Ghost and Ghoul's accident, Nick texted me. He said: I heard you killed your girlfriend's best friend. Looks like you're adding to your body count."

Horror fell onto Matt's face. "I'm sorry..."

"Oh, he didn't stop there. He proceeded to ask me if I was going to kill Ghost and Coyote next since I apparently cause deaths of those closest to me."

"You don't- Mom's death wasn't your fault, no matter what Dad or Nick say or believe."

"I know that, but you hear something enough, it starts getting to you."

Matt nodded, bracing himself on the porch railing. "It's not right what they did to you, and I'm sorry they've made you believe such bullshit. I'm sorry for any part I played in it, too. I wasn't the greatest big brother when you lived at home, and that's putting it mildly."

Hangman shrugged. "You tried to be there for me when it mattered most: the night Mom died."

"I should've been there for you more than that."

"Why weren't you?"

Matt hesitated, searching for the right words. "Dad wasn't always the easiest to get along with, and you and I both know he and Nick always got along better than the rest of us did with him. Back then, I thought if I followed his lead and bullied you the same way he and Nick did, they'd bring me into their inner circle, and they did to a point, but I always felt like the third wheel. You always had mom, and she loved me, don't get me wrong, but you were her favorite, and not going to lie, I was jealous of that, so I took it out on you, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for it all, and I realize it's late, but you're the only family I truly have left. Nick has estranged himself from me, Dad's knocking on death's door, and I want Sophie to have family in her life. I won't let Nick near her, and Dad was great with her when he had the ability, but now..."

Guilt rose in Hangman's chest. He'd always been so wrapped up in his bitterness over his dad's treatment toward him that he never stopped to think why his brother might be acting the same outside of simply being an asshole, and the more Hangman thought back to his interactions with Matt, the more he realized that his oldest brother never initiated any of the fights. Not really. He usually only joined in once their dad or Nick started it.

"I'm sorry you felt like that," Hangman said, unable to come up with anything better. He meant it, but it still sounded hollow to him.

Matt shrugged. "I never gave you reason to believe I was any better than those two."

Hangman turned around and braced himself on the railing, mimicking his brother's pose. "I'll look into the events at Disney, see when they have good things going on so you, Sophie, and Melissa can come visit."

"Seriously?" Matt replied, looking at his brother in shock.

"Yeah. I mean, you're right. We're the only family we have left now and-"

"I'm not the only family you have left. You're the only family I have left."

"What do you mean?"

"Ghost, Jackie, Charlie- and Nathan when he was alive- they took you in as one of their own and have treated you more like a son than Dad ever did. They may not be your blood, but they are your family, even after all this time, even after what happened between you and Ghost. Speaking of which-" Matt stared pointedly at Hangman- "when are you two going to get together? Seriously, I've watched you silently pine after her since you two met. How long do I and the rest of the world have to endure it?"

Hangman chuckled humorlessly. "The rest of your life. It's not like we stopped talking because of a stupid fight. I killed her best friend." 

"Jake, if she hated you as much as you think she does, you wouldn't be here with her right now. She wouldn't have allowed it."

Hangman swallowed down the hope rising in his chest. He couldn't let himself believe Ghost didn't still hate him, no matter how they were acting toward each other now, because if she didn't, he risked doing something stupid, like admitting his feelings for her. "We're trying to make amends to our friendship for the sake of our other friend, who we're both close to. We don't want to cause her distress by always being at odds, especially while she's pregnant. It's fine, though. I'd rather have Ghost in my life as a friend than not at all."

Matt clapped his brother on the back affectionately. "I won't push. Think we should head back in?"

"Yeah. Don't want them thinking one of us is committing fratricide." Hangman wanted to add that Nick might be capable of it, but Matt had once been close to the middle brother, and Jake recognized that the betrayal hit hard for his oldest sibling. He followed Matt inside, where they found Jackie and Charlie cleaning up the kitchen while Ghost taught Sophie how to play a kid-sized guitar.

"What are we learning?" Hangman inquired, kneeling between the two girls. 

Sophie piped up, "I'm learning chords!"

"An absolutely essential lesson," he confirmed. Hangman nodded at Ghost and added, "You have the best teacher."

"You taught Uncle Jake?" Sophie asked, her green eyes flitting between the two aviators.

"I did. After I almost hit him in the head with my guitar. Accidentally, of course," Ghost said, bumping her shoulder playfully into his.

"That's what I get for scaring you," Jake remarked, nudging her.

"Hey, Soph-" Matt interrupted gently- "ten more minutes, and then we have to go check on Mom, okay?"

"But I want to spend more time with Uncle Jake and Annalise!" Sophie protested, sticking out her bottom lip in protest.

Matt shook his head. "I know, but they got in this afternoon after a long day of travel, and they have some family matters to handle. Maybe we can see Jake again while he's here if his schedule allows."

"You're all welcome to come to dinner tomorrow if you're not busy," Charlie said, entering the living room. "Family is always welcome."

"Only if we can bring a dessert," Matt countered.

"I certainly won't say no to that. How does five-thirty sound?"

Matt agreed, and Hangman scooped his niece into his arms and carried her to the car. She clung tightly to him, still pouting that she had to leave. After hugging Sophie and his brother, Hangman watched them pull out of the driveway and down the street. While Jackie and Charlie reentered the house, Ghost remained at Hangman's side and asked, "How'd it go?"

"I think that's the longest I've ever talked to my brother without fighting," Jake mused, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It was good, though. We worked some things out, and we still have a ways to go, but I think we'll get there."

"Good, good. Then is it safe to say I didn't misread the signal to invite them in for dinner earlier?"

"You read it right. I didn't want to invite them in as your guest."

"You're not a guest. You're family. Mom wouldn't have said what she did earlier if she hadn't meant it."

I'm family to her but not to you. Jake refrained from speaking his thoughts and chose only to nod. "I know, but it's not my home, no matter how much I lived in it with y'all."

Out of his peripheral, he noticed her look up at him. "Where is home for you?"

Wherever you are. The words nearly rolled off Hangman's tongue, but he caught himself in the nick of time, choosing to give a partial truth instead. "In my jet cruising above the earth."

"You feel free up there," Ghost said, sounding like she spoke from experience. 

"Yeah..." Hangman rubbed the back of his neck, wishing he had the guts to ask the question that had been on his mind since his talk with Matt: did she still hate him? "Well, I guess we should head in. I should let you get some sleep. You have a busy next few days."

Ghost nodded subtly, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. "I guess so..."

"That didn't sound convincing."

"I don't like being alone in the house without Dad. It... it feels weird." Her voice hitched at the end, and Hangman realized how close Ghost teetered on the edge of breaking down.

Before he could stop himself, he blurted, "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"What?" Ghost replied, her teary gaze meeting his. 

"I mean, I could crash on the floor or something, but then you wouldn't have to be alone."

"I don't care if we share the same bed. It's not like we haven't done it before, but are you sure? I don't-" Ghost hesitated, tripping up on her words as she searched for the right ones- "We're just now getting back into our old rhythm. I don't want to-"

"We can go as slow or as fast as you want with this. I messed us up, Annalise, not you. I'm going to play this by your rules, so if you're comfortable with me in bed, that's fine. If you're not, that's okay too. This is all up to you," Hangman said softly, aching to reach out and brush the stray tear rolling down her cheek but refrained, not wanting to push her too far. The fact she'd lowered her guard and walls down this much for him remained a mystery, albeit a welcome one. Still, he would risk nothing when it came to their fragile friendship. He swore it could break again at any moment, and he prayed he wouldn't be the cause of it if it did.

Ghost's eyes softened, and her lips tugged upward into a playful smile. "Make sure you shower first. I have a-"

"-weird thing about getting your bed dirty with germs?" Hangman finished knowingly. "I remember."

I remember everything. He wanted to say.

Ghost blushed as Hangman threw his arm around her shoulders and directed them inside, pushing down the fluttering of his heart and the wall he'd broken past with Ghost. Never in a million years did he think she'd allow him to share a room with her again, let alone a bed. The gesture gave him the slightest hope that their relationship had truly turned a corner and that the past would stay just that- the past.

If only Hangman could've seen what the future held.

How wrong he'd be.

How the fragile relationship he'd so carefully repaired with Ghost would shatter at his feet.

****

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Mr. Henderson

I tried in school, I promise you I did. I did well in almost every subject, I just couldn’t do math. I always struggled in the subject, but senior year is particularly hard because of Mr. Henderson.

He was a little over six feet tall and had a deep voice. It was clear he worked out, his workout bag was usually in the corner of the classroom.

His one downfall is his odor. Like I said, he is very attractive, but sometimes he simply smelled bad. I had him later in the day, and sometimes he would workout on his lunch break. He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, because he obviously doesn’t shower before going back to teaching. One time he accidentally opened his gym bag and I was able to smell his shoes on the other side of the room. I hated bad smells, especially feet.

“Jake, meet me after class, alright?”

I knew what this meant, I failed another test. I stayed in my seat after the final bell and listened to all my classmates head home for the day. I go up to his desk and sit in the chair next to it. Once the room cleared, Mr Henderson stood up and closed the door. I started to grow nervous when I heard him lock the door and pull down the blinds.

“Jake, you failed another test. A 40 percent, seriously? We spent so much time going after this, what the heck happened?”

I have my head down in shame, I am passionate about school and disappointing a teacher is upsetting.

“I’m sorry, sir. I tried really hard, I promise I did”.

He cuts me off, not accepting my promise to the truth.

“Honestly, I don’t really believe you. I see the way you dose off in class, whats the deal?”

“I really don’t know, I’m sorry”.

The truth is, I am looking at him more than paying attention in class. I just can’t help myself sometimes.

“Well, I am sick of wasting my time. It’s clear that you aren’t getting it and don’t seem to give a crap”

I am shocked at this raise in aggression, he doesn’t ever get like this. He has always been so nice and helpful, I don’t understand what is going on.

“No sir! I promise I do care, I really do!”

“Well Jake, you’re about to fail my class and not be eligible to graduate”

I start to full on panic at this response, I knew it was bad but I did know it was that bad.

“Please Me Henderson! I’ll do anything for extra credit, please!”

I am full on begging at this point, I cannot fail and repeat senior year.

“Well lucky for you I came up with the perfect extra credit assignment”. For the first time, his tone changes from aggression, but now its more devious. My eyes widen once he dropped his sweaty gym bag on his desk in front of me.

“Ever since you asked me to move you away from Nick and closer to the window, it started noticed other weird shit you did. You constantly use hand sanitizer and are always chewing gum.”

Its true, I was a germaphobe, I didn’t think it was that noticeable. Clearly it was, and it pissed Mr. Henderson off.

“Obviously you got a weird thing with being a little gross. Aren’t you a man? Why are you so concerned about little germs, when you can do simple math!”

Tear start quickly streaming down my face as Mr. Henderson degrades me. I thought he liked me, but he just sees me as a weak, feeble excuse for a man.

“So, here’s what you’re going to do. You are going to learn what a real man smells and taste like and earn extra credit. I got a bag full of sweaty gym gear behind me, stuff that hasn’t been washed all week. 1 minute earned a half point extra credit. You need all the points you can to get to a passing grade, and just a 100 on this exam isn’t going to be nearly enough”

“Please sir, don’t make me do this! There has to be another way!”

I am full on sobbing at this point, I really don’t want to deal with his stench.

He then gets closer and smacks me in the face. He is now fully pissed off, I start to realize I have no other choice.

“No, there isn’t. Its obviously you’re a lost cause in math, I’m not wasting any more time trying to teach you. I’m already willing to stay two hours after school on a Friday to help you, be fucking grateful.”

Accepting I have no other way, I slowly pick up his shoes and start to inhale. I can only manage a few seconds before I throw myself in a coughing fit, close to throwing up. Mr. Henderson starts to laugh at my reaction to his disgusting shoe.

“Better get back to it! Like I said, there isn’t a lot of time left his semester.”

I bring the shoe back up to my face, accepting my face.

“Oh! I also got some other stuff to smell and lick if you get bored of my workout gear”

“Also, smelling and licking my feet for at least 30 minutes a day is mandatory if you want any of this to count.”

Jake Reviews Stuff: Steven Universe: The Answer

Happy pride everyone and naturally, it just wouldn’t feel like a celebration of pride in animation without one of the frontrunners of LBGTQ represintation in Children’s television, as well as quality in storytelling in general: Steven Universe.  Since your seeing this you probably know the gist but as my idol peter parker would say let’s do this one last time:  The story of Steven, a 14 year old, though he dosen’t look it, boy with a boundless amount of love, compassion and empathy,  lives in beach city with his borderline homeless dad , surrogate moms and surrogate until we find out they actually are kinda related sister: Garnet, a fusion of two gems in love and thus the sum total of both them and their feelings, Peal, an emotional but loving gem who grew from a servant to Rose’s right hand, sometimes lover, and confidant, and Amythest, a gem born long after the war that brought everyone else here who acts like a 20 something or teenager half the time. Steven soon finds himself fighting alongside themt o protect earth both from the monsters caused by the final battle of the war his mother fought to save earth from distruction and let her army live life how they choose, and the gem homeworld as it starts to take an intrest in earth again. And as the fight goes on Steven also starts to see just how flawed his family is and how much they haven’t moved on from his moms death and finds himself forced to help them past it while grappling with his mom’s terrible and complicated legacy, everyone expecitng him to basically be her, and what it means to be a  being that’s truly one of a kind.  I absolutley love the show: it’s not without flaws; Characters tend to be ingnored for seasons or episodes at a time,some arcs are really weirdly paced and the slice of life episodes can be jammed in the weirdest places. But the show’s strength: a devotion to having emotional resolution be even more important, and sometimes just as powerful animated and framed, than fighting, though the show’s fight scene’s are incredible, incredibly deep characters with fully fleshed out arcs and growth, and a love for tackling deep, heavy subjects through metaphor or even directly, taking on things such as gender identity, societal conformity, ptsd, grief, gender identity and many many more with grace and weight and helping kids with them in the process.  The show is also the frontrunner for LBGTQ+ representation in cartoons in the 2010′s. While other shows had bits nad pieces, series creator Rebecca Sugar was the one responsible for making Marcline and Princess Bubblegum ex-lovers and making it obvious as possible without saying it because standards were bullshit, Steven Unvierse decided to say fuck subtley and thus had PLENTY OF gay content: Garnet is a fusion of two women and the embodiment of their love and relationship, and when the two show up their very affectionate with one another to the point of bullcrap censorship in less tolerant countries such as india and russia, while Pearl out and out had a CENTURIES LONG romantic relationship with Steven’s mother who was explictly pansexual, and that’s just the main cast!  But I genuinely believe that it’s thanks to Steven Universe that children’s animation is as LBGTQ+ positive as it is now. SU wasn’t the first to have gay leads but it was one of the few kids shows with the balls and, at least in the us, network support to explictily have gay characters as some of the main cast, and I feel the show’s success softend execs at CN and other companies to let more representation too. Since SU”s airing, most CN shows have had gay content great and small, Nick has had gay parents and a bisexual lead, not to mention the korra ending kicking it all off, and Netflix has said hold my beer, having not only multiple gay main characters, but having the finale of she ra be built on a decleration of love between two women saving the universe and being the climax of the entire series.  Not that those crews likely still didn’t have to FIGHT for most of that, i’m not bilind and NOelle Stevenson has outright admitted she had to be sneaky about catradora for season 1 as to not get it shut down, but I feel SU”s sucess and Rebecca and crew’s own likely fights put the various studio goon’s reflector shields down and got more representation into children’s media. And that’s a wonderful thing.  So naturally the show was a lock for this month and for coverage here.. i’ts just given the show’s heavily seralized nature and the fact it dosen’t really have any long romantic story arcs. Sure ther’es plenty of romance, but it’s mostly either in the past or between an already married couple that’s also a person. The show’s arcs were more focused on worldbuilding and character building, which I do prefer and will be doing one in July.  But it did make it tricky to find an episode to spotlight the character I wanted to spotlight: Garnet Garnet is easily my faviorite character, with pearl a very close second: she has a great dynamic, is a decent if flawed mother and leader, and is also damn funny with her deadpanned reactions to things being utterly divine. As well as whatever the hell this is. 

The problem is I also wanted to spotlight the parts making up her: Ruby and Sapphire, their relationship etc as they themselves are fantastic and i’m 100% convinced were the inspriation for one mr mc skat kat and one paula abdul’s magnum opus in steven’s unvierse

The problem is most rupphire episodes are tangled in bigger arcs. They debuted at the end of the invasion arc, they had the baseball episdoe together shortly after another arc, and their wedding is tied up in the reveal rose was pink diamond and the reception is crashed by the climactic battle with Yellow and Blue that sets up the final arc of the whole series. But thankfully season two gave us The Answer to my problem.. ironically named the Answer, basically Garnet Year One as Garnet tells steven how she came to be, a story so beauitful they made a storybook out of it.. and it’s my honor to present it here after the cut. 

We open at the Barn... as a refresher at this point the Gems and Steven have been staying at Greg’s old family farm in order to have the  space and suplies to build a drill to stop the cluster from hatching and destroying earth, with Peridot reluctantly working with them. So as such Steven’s sleeping there when Garnet wakes her.. and in a notable departure for her it’s san’s shade, which shows her adorable excitment as she wakes Steven. Turns out it’s his birthday! And.. I don’t really begrudge the show for takin ga break for two episodes to celebrate it: besides being the only time steven went up a year, on screen, it was a nice break from the peridot/cluster storyline for a second, and this and the following episode are pretty great and both add a lot to the world as a whole. It’s why i don’t MIND when SU takes a break from the plot, as long as they do it for good reason. 

IN a great callback steven asks if garent’s going to tell him she’s a fusion, as Jailbreak revealed the reason she hadn’t yet is she was saving it for his birthday, which is a good joke and a great callback. Garnet cheerfully tells him know but has clearly found a backup: While steven knows she’s a fusion now.. she never told him how she came to be and how ruby and sapphire met after all.  So we journey back about 5000 years to, as we’d learn much later with the pink diamond reveal, the start of the gem war. Earth was to be the next great colony, as we’d learn next season for pink diamond, but something was in the way: The rebel rose quartz and her brutal right hand pearl were causing tons of distruption, so the rest of the diamonds had come to snuff out the rebellion personally.  So that’s where Ruby and Sapphire came in. Sapphire is a higher class gem, and befiting her caste is a precog, with Sapphires brought in to tell the diamonds the future so they can either make sure it happens or change it’s course. Garnet neaturally has this ablility too but vastly improved to see multiple timelines. She’s proper and distant.  Ruby meanwhile is a shy, if more intellgent then her peers grunt soldier. Rubies as we learned here are basically made in groups to fuse. To homeworld, Fusion is simply a tactic to create a slightly stronger gem out of three other gems, and basically creates one giant person. In Contrast up to this point the series has shown fusion as something important to the crystal gems and requriing more work: It requires all parties to be in sync to even happen much less stay together, and requires an emotional connection; Freindship, romance, kinship... whatever it is it’s needed to hold the fusion together. It’s part of what MAKES garnet so impressive: Garnet is a permafusion, only unfusing either when her two halves are needed. or when thier personal conflict is so great they CAN’T stay fused. It also means due to said emotional resonance and combining the best traits of two gems rather than creating just one big gem, that the crystal fusions we’ve seen are vastly more powerful and versitale.. evne if they dont’ speak much because Rebecca made the mistake of getting big artist to do the role and apparently refused to just you know.. recast? It’s something that always baffled me. There’s no shortage of talented poc performers who can sing out there.  Anyways, that’s part of what makes this intresting: up till now, we’d only seen one form of fusion.. we hadn’t seen what homeworld thought of it and used it for, and to the show’s credit it was hinted back during the return arc when Jasper called fusion a “tactic for making weak gems stronger”, since as far as homeworld used it, that’s what it was and it’s a stark contrast to the crystal gems harder to maintain but much more intresting and unique fusions. 

We’ll get more into this later. The two front rubies argue about whose going to punch people whie our ruby just points out the obvious: Their just going to fuse into a really big ruby and punch together. This gets her shoved into sapphire, which despite not being her fault gets gasps and monocle pops from the gems around them. And it’s about time I dug into the episodes unique animation style: instead of the usual, only a handful of characters, the rubies, sapphire, and later rose and pearl, are animated normally and even then, at least for the first half, are brightly lit in their primary colors, while the rest of the gems present are just barely animated sytlistic shadows. It’s a really intresting choice and a clever way to save on budget, while still looking gorgeous. 

Sapphire, while refusing Ruby’s help getting up, is understanding if monotone, but as w’eve seen in the present, tha’ts mostly just a side effect from seeing where everything’s going, and likely the reason garnet’s own emotional process is much like that; Stoic but willing to emote when necessary. Sapphire however has a reason for brushing her ruby off: the reason she was called here.. Blue Diamond.  This is intresting as it’s not only the first time we HEARD of blue, as before this we only heard of Yellow, who’d make her proper debut at the end of this season, but the first time we saw a diamond in any way shape of form. Sure we had murals and such, but given the lack of info about the diamonds this early on it was impossible to tell whow as who and the only giveway there was more than was diamond was the symbols: the era 1 symbols in temples and at the arena showing all 4, hinting at pink, and the modern one shown in jailbreak that was a triforce. We do only see Blue in a hood, covered by her palquin and her voice done by Garnet, but it’s still the first tiem we’d see any of the diamonds in any onscreen form. The Garnet voice is also notcable as every other voice in the flashabck, including characters who aren’t either part of garnet or the same gem type as part of her, is normal.. it’s only blue Garnet does a voice for.. and a clever way of covering for the fact they likely hadn’t cast her voice actress yet. It’s also notable for the introduction of Blue Pearl, who silently stands by her Diamond teh whole time.. it’s weird thinking back to the fact that this was the first time we’d really SEEN other versions of our main cast: other rubies and another pearl. Sure we knew they were all part of one type or another with the obvious exception of garnet.. but this episode is notable, and weird to think about giiven how many variants we see as the series goes on, for being the FIRST time we see this on screen. 

Sapphire reveals that while she, and two of her rubies, will poof the rebllion will end here, and Blue is releaved to here this, thanks sapphire and dismisses her. As Garnet explains, Sapphire had no issue with this as she simply saw her life as one straight line: No choice no, option: Fate would just come as it may. Sapphire also muses to Our Ruby on the fact that she finds this planet a wonderful place for a colony.. and that she wishes she could’ve seen more of it. While Our Ruby says theirs more time, Sapphire, while appricating the sentiment gently shoots it down.  This little moment is interuptted however as Rose shouts out, signaling her and Pearl’s arrival. The battle has begun. And I do like the clever use of storytelling here.. not in presetnation but in what we’d learn muchhhh later with the big reveal: To a first time watcher, we just thought that it was only rose and pearl for story purposes or it was a small attack. After all the rest of the characters we’d seen were just shadows, so I, and I presume many others just assumed the rest were off screen or failing that this was just a small strike. As we’d learn once we got the full story of Pink Diamond becoming rose.. it was indeed JUST them, and only them at the time. it’s probably why in the future sapphire saw the rebellion ended her: Pink while powerful had to reign it in as not to be found out and pearl, while as we see her is already utterly badass and an ace with a sword as she mows down Quartz soldiers, is still one gem going up against a literal army.  Another noticable thing, that hints at when this takes place is the fact that when Rose takes down the fused rubies, poofing two of them and leaving ours to flump to the ground.. she uses her fists. At this point her iconic sword is well established and it’s assumed it was just left out for artistic purpose.. but since we meet who made it next season with Bismuth, it’s another clever hint this is before there was a proper army. Bismuth wasn’t a gem yet so Rose/Pink just had her natural strength and shield to protect her, which wasn’t nothing, but the sword probably made it far easier to hold back. 

And thus we come to the moment of truth: Pearl has come back and is about to mow down sapphire.. when Ruby realizes just waht Sapphire meant and waht she’s about to do and thus.. the future changed. Ruby tackles her out of the way. And Garnet is born. 

I absolutley love Garnet’s cotton candy design, both as a sensible evolution, as this is a garnet formed in a moment of passion and accidently versus the one we see in the present or even in flashbacks: a person formed by choice and love and thus having a more stable form. Naturally, Rose and Pearl are baffled by this.. and it’s even more understandable.. as the above mentioned pink diamond origin episode explained.. they had never SEEN this kind of fusion before. While i’m sure this isn’t the first time this happend in gem history, any others were likely killed as soon as it were over or went into hiding as we saw with the off colors. And Pink being sheltered and Pearl being created for her, probalby simply never thought of something like this existing. But they also realize this never before seen to them miracle is their cue to skidoo and book it out of there.  Naturally Blue is pissed and the court are disgusted as the two defuse and both have about the same reacation. 

Before Blue can murder Ruby for you know, doing her fucking job, Sapphire ttakes her by the hand and books it off the sky arena and the two plummet to earth  while ruby screams no a lot. The foundation of any good relationship. 

They float down to earth.. because she’s Mary Poppins Ya’ll. Ruby reveals why she’s upset: Because as she sees it, there’s dozens of her. She’s not WORTH this. Sapphire has no reaction because for the first time, she has no idea what the future brings, what it means and the future she saw was just shattered. She’s frozen. 

Jokes aside I really love that pun. Ruby worries and quickly scoops her up bridal carry style and quickly finds the two a cave. In the cave the two light that flame get that and Ruby continues to freak out over what happened,  upset with her self that she’s supposed to save sapphire.. with Sapphire gently reassuring her “you already did.”  It’s also intresting as it shows even garnet, or at least half of her, had to go through what peridot did.. it went down a bit easier since exile happened right away, but Ruby still had to shake off the homeworld conceived notion that she was WRONG for saving sapphire simply because it lost them the fight and got them fused and all that. It’s also a nice metaphor for someone whose been told, for a nightmarish rainbow assortment of bullshit resaons, that being gay is wrong only to discover they are and having to realize there’s nothing wrong with who they are. 

After a breif flash the two finally talk about their fusion, with Sapphire being suprised considering she figured fusion wasn’t anything like they experinced.. only for Ruby to chime in that sh’es RIGHT: Their fusion wasn’t anything like Ruby’s normal “me but bigger’ fusion.. they lost htemselves.. and both clearly enjoyed it, expressing it through having a third eye for ruby and more than one for sapphi 

We then get the utterly adorable musical number: “Something Entirely New”Which takes the so far mildly subtle “This is like two people who had sex with the oppsite gender for the first time “ metaphor.. and just makes it texual as the song basically screams of two people talking over an unfamiliar sexual experince, but in a cute, well done, and intentionally awkward way that’s still approraite for the kids. it’s a real beautiful song and also shows the burgoning couple bond on earth. This is important as a previous episode had garent and out and out say that love takes time and work, accurate and that love at first sight simply dosen’t exist.. and we also see she practices waht she preaches as the montage does show some time past and even before that the two genuiely bonded. Sure they FUSED on the spur of the moment.. but actually loving each other took time and bonding. 

As the song ends, the two dance romantically,deciding to be Garnet for good as we get some nice callbacks to jailbreak: the two hum the tune to stronger than you, now revealed to be their song and spin similarilty to the way they have when they’ve fused, a nice callback that also add’s weight to those previous moments.. and thus two become one and Garnet is reborn. 

Garnet narrates as her past self gets used to her strange new form.. and just as she does she falls down a ditch. Eh could’ve been worse. 

Garnet finds herself face to sword with Pearl. Pearl backs off a bit once she realizes who their dealing with, and Garnet panickedly offers to unfuse.. only for Rose to enter. Garnet narrates them as Rose Quartz and her terrifying renegade pearl. 

Truly a force to be reckoned with. Rose dosen’t care about her own feelings though “What you feel is bound to be more intresting” It’s a good moment both because Garnet , up to this point hasn’t had to think about what they are or how they feel.. but more notably... no one but the two gems makingthem up ever cared, not before they were garnet and after all the homeworld gems wanted was to kill her. We also get a great line from garnet: “Why am I sure that i’d rather be this than anything else and that i’d rather do this than anything else i’m supposed to do? “  Rose’s response.. to give a giant grin while saying welcome to earth. As Garnet continues to question things, Rose tells her to never question this, never question what you are... which is a damn good message for a kids show to give out. The metaphor is crystal clear: no matter where you are on that beautiful lbgtq+ rainbow: NEVER be ashamed of who you are, never question it.. just enjoy it. Be who your meant to be and love that person. It’s a damn good message and one badly needed in a medium that for way too fucking long was SCARED to tell messages like this: Of sponsors, of foreign markets, and of idiots like one million moms. it took people like rebecca and her crew to say “fuck that”, to say that queer kids NEED these kinds of stories to know they aren’t alone, they are beautiful how they are. They shoudln’t have to wait to find out what they are.. is okay. And that’s beautiful. 

As Rose Tells Garnet that she is the answer, and as we cut back to the present, Steven asks what the answer is. Garnet simply answers: Love. And we close on one great exchange Steven: I knew it Garnet; (wistfully) So did I. 

Final Thoughts: While I remembered the episode being good, hence part of the reason I choose it I forgot just HOW great this episode was, especially post reveal. The art direction is goregous, shot like a fairy tail and rightfully so since this episode is told as one, the story is heartwarming and erica and charlene really act their hearts out as ruby and sapphire while Estelle kills it as both present garnet narrating and past garnet, a garnet ENTIRELY diffrent from what we’ve seen but acted beautifully. It’s espcially noticable since unlike the other two lead gems, we obviously wouldn’t see more garnets like we would amythests and pearls, so unlike her contepraries estelle really didn’t get to flex her vocal range as much playing alternate versions as the seasons went on, with this being the closest she got.  The episode is beautiful, has a wonderful message, and is just utterly charming and is agian why I DON’T mind that every su episode dosen’t advance the plot: Sometimes it dosen’t need to. And even so this one ended up being WAY more important than I remembered, introducing blue diamond and turning out to be MASSIVELY important once the reveal kicked it: For it was Garnet, and the love dthat forged her that changed Pink’s direction. Before the rebellion was simply a way to stop the occupation of earth and would’ve been snuffed out if not for ruby’s actions.. but seeing garnet, seeing how earth and being free from homeworld’s restraints could positvely impact someone.. it changed rose. Besides bringing her and Pearl together, it also made her realize just what her rebellion could bring to people and what a gem could be and even more how precious her future home was. By forming in an act of Love, garnet changed the entire future of gemkind. By staying that way she did so once more. And that’s beautifully. overall an underated, even by me, little masterwork with once again a damn fine message.  We’ll get back to SU soon enough, as I plan to cover the series first full arc as we meet peridot, and see into the souls of our heroines. But first Pride isn’t over yet, and I have one last card on the table as we todd it up a bit with my first look at bojack horseman. Like this if you enjoyed it, comments subscirbe etc etc and don’t be afraid to comission a review for 3 bucks, and until we meet agian, later days. 

@edwrd​ // five times + a word it’s on my old blog i’m not looking for it

one // all I want - kodaline

Bella sits in her truck in front of the empty house. It’s been a month since the Cullens left. A month since her world came crashing down. She doesn’t know why she came here, why she let herself wallow in all the ghosts she’s made in this place. There by the door a part of her is always standing, hand in his, being let in for the first time. That version of her doesn’t know yet that eventually she will be shut out.

Sucking in a deep breath, she looks at her phone, debating sending a text. It’ll go unanswered. But for a few moments she could allow herself to remember what hope feels like. Warm and bright with all of it’s possibilities. She could exist in a space where she believes he’ll answer. Where her waiting is not pointless and if she could just have even a second of that over this misery wouldn’t that be worth it?

No.

In frustration she throws the phone across the cab, finally just letting herself break down. Bella cries in a way she hasn’t since he left. Cries until she’s gasping for air and then cries some more, laying down on the seat and just letting it all out of her. She never knew that missing someone could be so painful. That it could feel like you’re dying every single time you wake up. And that memories could cut you so viscerally you feel like you should be checking for scars.

When there’s nothing left in her to give, Bella still can’t move. If she didn’t know how worried Charlie would be she’d just sleep here as the house she thought she would call home looms over her. The most vivid reminder of everything she lost. She looks out through the windshield, still laying down in the seat, and realizes the sun is starting to set. Nearly twilight.

It was time to go.

two // skinny love – bon iver

Seattle is different. Bella didn’t realize how used to the rain she’d grown, the quiet beyond that. She’d forgotten what it was like to sleep alone. A week later and she’s still looking to her window, expecting to see him coming through with a smile that always felt like it was made just for her. But all she sees are streetlights and stray cars.

By three in the morning she finds herself laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling. The neighbors above her are walking around despite the hour. She wishes she could blame them for why she’s awake right now. It’s easier than facing the fact that she has to keep her phone in the kitchen to keep herself from calling. From telling him this was all a huge mistake. That she was wrong and fuck it she’d be his wife if that’s what it took for him to believe her, she’d be his anything that he wanted for however long he wanted.

It’s not a rational thought of course. As soon as she has it her conversation with Rosalie replays itself admonishingly. And Bella knows. She knows that if she doesn’t figure herself out now, she might never know who she is outside of love. Who is she beyond the girl willing to give up her life. That girl has never gotten the chance and Bella owes it to herself. Not just to herself, but to Edward, to know that she has thought about this and even with time and space between them she will still choose him. She’ll choose eternity after having had her human experiences and realizing that they’re all good and fun but they pale in comparison to an eternity with him.

These were all things she had an easier time reminding herself of in the daytime. When she was busy with work. Or unpacking and organizing this place. There were a million things to keep her busy when it wasn’t 3 am and sleep refused to take her. In these cold hours all she can think is that she wants him. She misses him in a way she can’t describe. Because unlike last time it was her who did the leaving. So what right did she really have to ache like this?

three // i miss you, i’m sorry - gracie abrams

This was the right choice she reminds herself again. She’s two drinks in on her 21st birthday, at some club and surrounded by friends. It’s a moment she should be in fully. But her birthdays, long before Forks, had a history of sucking. So why wouldn’t she find herself dwelling on the man she missed with every breath she took?

Four drinks in and Bella was dancing. The club was so loud and everyone looked so happy. When she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror she was surprised to find she was playing the part well. All wild eyes and flushed cheeks as she tripped and laughed as a friend caught her. But she kept seeing him. In every face he was there. He was everywhere and it killed her to be reminded that he was nowhere. She was the reason she was without him and...glancing at her phone she considers it and nearly dials until she’s pulled back out and another drink is shoved into her hand.

By the time she gets home she’s sure she’ll never ever drink again. Every part of her is protesting at this point even though it’s been a couple of hours since her last drink. Of course she ends up scraping herself on the way up but she doesn’t have the energy to deal with it yet. All she can do is sit. And think. He’s still right there on her mind. She shouldn’t be thinking about him at all. How had she not drunk the thought of him away?

If anything it’s worse now. It’s all she can think. That he’s never been here. This pace has never had the gift of Edward Cullen. She wants him here so desperately that it leaves her unable to breathe. Curled in on herself at her little kitchen table, gripping the wood so tight her knuckles turn paper white. When she finally does catch herself it’s only because she pulled out her phone and hit dial. Her body only accepts calm when she gives in to what she shouldn’t, and by the time he answers she can breathe again. Maybe for the first time in years.

four // what if you – joshua radin

Coming home is the only option she has if she wants to see him again. They’ve finally been honest that they have to stop doing this. It’s killing them both. Stealing nights that don’t belong to them until she’s ready to just...leave Seattle. For good. She’s not yet realized that she is ready. It’s hard to accept that he’s not waiting for her to be some perfect person now, that’s an expectation she put on herself.

Two days after the conversation and she already wants to call. Maybe tell him to pick her up. No. God what is wrong with her? She knows she loves him. Knows that all she has to do is go home. Just. Leave.

Bella sits out on her balcony, blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she leans her cheek against the railing. It’s dark. The moon isn’t out but the streetlights glow enough that she can see the city still moving despite the hour. She’s not happy here. She hasn’t been, not really. At first it was what she needed. She can’t deny that. And at times she even loved it here. But lately it’s felt like a cage she locked herself in and doesn’t know how to get out of.

It’s easy to pretend that everyone else is holding the keys but it’s not the truth. She’s got them in hand and is clutching so tightly she doesn’t know how to free herself anymore. And maybe that was the sad truth of it. Why she kept calling him even though it killed her. Because she was so afraid of coming home and him not being there. So if he just came here. If she could lock him away with her for just a little bit...then she wouldn’t have to face what was out there. It wasn’t fair to either of them and now...now she could only take a risk. Or she could stay here. Locked away for good.

five // i can’t make you love me/in the nick of time – bon iver

South Dakota has been different. Jake left and she was glad he did. She wanted to go but...she wasn’t ready. She’d not realized how bad things had really gotten between her and Edward and facing that head on was something she didn’t know how to do anymore. They’d spent years clawing for their love and something changed. Maybe they’d just grown complacent. Or maybe they were just broken.

Jane sees the look on Bella’s face and opens her arms, letting Bella crawl into her lap. Her arms are warm as they wrap around her. Gently she rocks back and fourth. It’s here, carefully tucked away in a mother’s love, that Bella lets herself cry. Really and truly cry in a way she hasn’t for years. It’s everything just pouring out of her until nothing is left. And Jane does nothing but hold her until she’s done, and even after that she doesn’t let go. “I miss him,” Bella whispers, knowing already that Jane knows who she’s talking about.

“I know, honey. How long have you missed him for?” There’s a knowing in her tone. Something Bella shouldn’t be surprised by at this point, but can’t help herself.

“Longer than I realized.”

She’ll have to go back and face this. Eventually. Though she’s ashamed at how close she comes to talking herself out of going back. And out of staying here. This would be it, wouldn’t it? The perfect time to run. No one is here to chase her and she shouldn’t be tempted. Not after the vows and promises she’s made. But it’s a final moment of weakness. One last time she’ll allow herself the thought before banishing it permanently.

Soon. She’ll go back soon. Even if she’s afraid she’ll find herself missing him forever even when he’s standing right in front of her.

Lovesick Teenager

Summary: TJ and Cyrus fall more in love with one another every day

Word count: 1568

It’s a cold winter morning when Cyrus wakes up in his bed, but he’s not alone. He wakes up next to a lanky body who has stolen most of the blankets. He looks over at his long face, with his messy blonde hair creeping into his eyes, and can’t help but fall a little deeper in love with him. The best thing about falling asleep next to the person you love is waking up to them, well at least that’s what Cyrus thinks. He loves when he wakes up first because he gets to look at him, he truly gets to look at him, and take in all of his beauty. He gets to look at his freckles on his nose, and the way his chest moves up and down when he breathes. He gets to look at his lips, and think ‘damn I’m so lucky to be the only one who gets to kiss those.’ And he gets to look at his eyelashes. The myth is making a wish when an eyelash falls out, but Cyrus makes a wish every time he’s next to TJ and his beautiful, lengthy eyelashes, and every time his wish comes true. As Cyrus is admiring his boyfriend, he sees that he is starting waking to up, and snuggles up to him just a little closer. When TJ fully opens his eyes, a bright smile appears on his lips, and he can’t help but think that this is what his life should be like forever. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, TJ takes Cyrus’s hands into his own and says “Goodmorning sunshine.” Something about TJ’s morning voice makes Cyrus weak, and he doesn’t quite know why. It might be because he’s a little bit more vulnerable, or just because he can’t get over how adorable he is.

“Good-morning, Teej.” Cyrus says softly, only loud enough for the other boy to hear “how’d you sleep?”

“With you next to me? I slept like a baby. I always do, that’s why I keep you around you know. So I’ll sleep well.” A grin appears on TJ’s face that then makes Cyrus smile

“Well is that the only reason you keep me around then?” He says this rather playfully.

“One of them. The other being I just love to spend time with you.” TJ begins to play with Cyrus’s fingers, one of his major weaknesses.

“We should probably get up and go to breakfast. You know how my mom gets when you sleepover.” They are both 17 but neither of their parents are too fond of the other spending the night, but they’ve been together for over 2 years so they let it slide, with the precaution of the door always being open.

The two boys make it downstairs and are greeted with the smell of pancakes, bacon, and freshly brewed coffee.

“Hey sweetheart, how’d you guys sleep?” Mrs. Kippen is always happy in the morning, it’s one of the reason why Cyrus loves her. She thinks a happy morning will make a happy day, that’s something all three of them can agree on.

“I slept good Mrs.Kippen, thank you for letting me stay over.” Cyrus says this with a genuine smile

“Cyrus, you’ve been dating TJ for over two years, how many times have I told you, you can call me Kara.” TJ gives Cyrus this look, one that says ‘don’t get on her bad side’ while taking a sip of his coffee.

“Well, KARA, thank you again.” Kara responds with a smile, picking up her purse, coffee, and keys.

“I’m heading to work, have fun guys! Don’t forget to clean the house!”

~

Most people hate it when they have to clean the house, but TJ and Cyrus love it. The reason they love it so much is that they can put on any type of music they want over their speakers, dance while not getting judged, and they get to spend time together. They usually end up cleaning for about an hour, then go out.

“So Mr.TJ what are your plans today for this lovely snowy January day.” Cyrus asks rather sarcastically.

“Well, I have a few tricks up my sleeve, so shush. Just go get your jacket and meet me in the car.” TJ drives a light blue 2012 Subaru Forester. It’s not the nicest car in the world, but it’s always clean, and takes him from place A to place B with no problems. TJ soon joins Cyrus in his car and automatically plugs his phone into the aux. He goes into his music and clicks a playlist that says ‘happy thoughts and Cyrus’. The playlist is filled with love songs and some of Cyrus’s favorite Disney hits. The first song that comes on the playlist is “She” by Jake Scott, a song that Cyrus actually introduced him to. The reason why Cyrus loves this song so much is because it’s everything he can’t put into words on how he feels about TJ.

Ive never heard this touch before

The kind that taught me

What my eyes are for

Every piece of her I just want more

She's the one I can't ignore

As the last verse ends, Cyrus reaches out to grab TJs free hand which was resting on his thigh, as he grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers, Cyrus leaves a soft kiss on the top of his hand, looking him in the eye Cyrus says

“God, I’m so lucky to have you.” While he squeezes his hand just a little tighter. TJ looks over, with a slight blush on his face

“Don’t go soft on me now Cy, it’s only 12. We’ve got a whole day to be sappy.” Cyrus can see the joking impression on his face, while “Introducing Me” by Nick Jonas is starting to play from the speakers. At this very moment, while he and his boyfriend are singing to a Disney song, in a beat up Subaru, he doesn’t want to

Change a thing.

~

About 15 minutes later TJ pulls the care into a parking lot, one that Cyrus has never seen before. The building in front of them is brick, with few windows. The sign says ‘Roller World.’ Cyrus gives TJ a questionable facial expression then says

“TJ where the hell are we?”

A smile erupts on the taller boys face

“Well take my hand, and go inside with me and you’ll see.”

So the two boys go hand in hand into the brick building, and a smile appears on his face. They are at a roller skating rink that is supposed to be set in the 80’s. The carpet heading to the skate desk is a velvet green and the seats in the booths are a neon yellow. The two boys walk up to the skate rental and are greeted by a rather peppy girl. She has curly hair and is wearing a bright yellow shirt that says ‘ROLLER WORLD’ on it. The boys get their skates on and before Cyrus hesitantly says

“TJ I’m not good at rollering skating.”

“Either am I, so let’s make fools out of ourselves together.” So they got up, hand in hand, and headed to the actual skate rink. Tj stood I front of Cyrus was bike they were holding hands and went around the rink together. After the first time around Cyrus got more comfortable so he and TJ ended up racing each other throughout the rink, getting weird looks from 9 year old girls, and constantly falling from all the laughing. When the song ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ comes through the speakers TJ grabs Cyrus, and whispers in his ear, “I’m so glad to be here with you.”

After they finished skating, they went through the McDonald’s drive thru to get dinner, they spilt a 20 piece nugget, a large fry and got two chocolate milk shakes. TJ parked the car, and they ate in silence while watching the stars, and listening to soft the music play in the background. The best thing about their relationship is that they don’t always have to be talking, even just being in company of one another is enough for them.

After they finished eating TJ pulls into Cyrus’s driveway, silently wishing he didn’t have to leave.

“Welp, this me, thank you TJ, for such an incredible day.” Cyrus says this with a special sparkle in his eye, one he only gets around TJ.

“Cyrus, don’t thank me. I love making you happy. You

Might not know this but your smile is my most favourite thing in the world, and I would do anything to protect it.” With that Cyrus leans over in his seat, and puts his hand underneath the taller boys chin, staring at him like he is the most precious jewel in the world.

“God TJ you’re driving me crazy. In the most amazing way possible.” And with that TJ leans in and kisses him. He kisses him with passion, something that they often do, but this kiss was filled with ‘I love yous’ and nostalgia, this kiss with filled with want and need, this kiss was everything they’ve ever wanted. And after the two boys break out of the kiss, Cyrus says his goodbyes, filled with I love you, and goes into his house. But he doesn’t close the door until he looks back to see his boyfriend looking directly at him.

Why I wanted to love Far From Home, but couldn’t

Five out of ten.

That’s how I left the theatre after the credits rolled. I went into the movie following nothing in regards to news, completely blind. I left feeling mixed about the movie, that there was something missing from it. A lot of questions were on my mind about certain choices creatively speaking. I hope to clarify what I felt - taking a day to process what went down in the story.

Now, the beats of the story were hit. There was great humor, heart and characters. Like RDJ, Tom hit it out of the ballpark as Peter Parker. He’s clearly struggling with filling the shoes that have been left behind. The anxiety attack he had during the press conference showed that. I could see the lie he believed - that he needed to be the next Tony Stark and not Peter Parker.

Jake Gyllenhall as Quint/Mysterio was great for the first time on the scene - then nosedived. I mean, I did not follow any of the theories that he’d be a villain. It stunned me in that moment revealing the disgruntled employees of Stark Industries. Apparently, Marvel can’t do anything clever other than 'Employee scorned by Tony’ formula of the week, like Aldrich Killian. It’s incredibly weak and lazy writing in my eyes.

I was looking forward to a subversive take. I thought that an expansion on the magical elements of the Marvel Universe would have been great. It would force Peter to develop his sphere of knowledge and experience, he’s dealt with magic before in the Comics. That he will fall short in dealing with things that Tony would have had. Quint’s backstory at first, Interested me. I wanted to learn more about this character - then Marvel threw all of that aside to do another villain in plain sight, way to go guys.

Quint developed into a screaming villain, furious and wild at Peter. It’s like the Vulture all over again and Tony gets blame heaped on him like every other Marvel film. No to mention that point with EDITH - wouldn’t Tony install safeguards for this with the drones? Like, don’t harm Peter Parker or something along those lines? Also, when did he have time to build a satellite and all that weaponry? Hadn’t he given up on reversing the Snap/Blip?

That leads me into my next line of questioning that is a lot more horrific. If people showed up upon reversing the Snap, what about people who were in planes? What about people crossing the street? What about that crashing helicopter that hit a building? Wouldn’t the pilot fall out the sky? So...yea? We saved people only for them to die?

I imagine in five years, people moved on. From loved ones who died, from places that were once home. Then suddenly, they come back and it’s greeted with humor and laughter. Seriously? The Leftovers from HBO dealt with this concept better than any tv show. But, no, we have nostalgia punching to do, so let’s get to it!

Then there’s Nick Fury.

My God, I fucking hated Nick Fury.

He more or less kidnapped Peter, refusing to call in any official Avengers. Because a world-ending threat clearly doesn’t need any of them. Like Falcon, Winter Soldier, Captain Marvel, Dr. Strange, Hulk, etc. Instead, he emotionally browbeats Peter into being Spiderman, guilt trips him with Tony’s trust and expectations. He proceeded to put Peter’s class in danger, having no common sense whatsoever in clearing the field. 

Then there’s a casual line thrown out that’s treated as ‘tee-he’ he always knew - that he didn’t trust Quint/Mysterio. What. What! WHAT?! You mean to tell me that the master fucking spy didn’t bother with a background check on this unstable employee, probably violent for a reason?! That he would not take Mysterio’s bullshit at face value? It’s like he finds it hilarious rather than terrifying that he put all those lives in danger and never bothered with all the destruction caused due to his negligence.

I know that the movie didn’t actually show anyone dying. But, it’s perfectly possible given the level of property destruction and Quint’s sheer indifference. Seeing London Bridge get shot by those drones, debris could have killed them rather than bullets. 

Then the mid credits scene with JK Simmons as J Jonah Jameson. No, it’s not a cash grab, a cheap nostalgia play. Stop looking at us like that! We’re being super serious here, fans. Peter Parker is Spiderman and he’s framed for murder! Right, you’re clearly artificially heightening the stakes for the next film so you can raid our wallets. There’s fan fiction out there that does a better job than the studios.

Wouldn’t Pepper Potts step in legally speaking? Also, wouldn’t this footage be given an investigation? Like, professionals verifying the authenticity of the footage? It’s also incredibly stupid considering the drones buzzed off from the scene - why would the timing line up for Quint’s death? It makes no sense. I imagine that Stark Industries would work overtime on her watch to communicate with the public, cooperate with the local authorities and investigate those disgruntled employees that broke off from Stark Industries.

If it sounds nitpicky of me, that’s because it is. I know the movie is entertainment, it’s there to be that for us. But, I like to take these sorts of looks at the MCU. They tell us that this is ‘superheroes in the real world’, but it doesn’t hold up under intense scrutiny. For example, people associated Ross presenting the Accords as That be bad. An international treaty takes years of negotiation between various nation states, and while as SecState, he has to enforce treaties that does not mean he is the man who wrote them.

To sum up: It was a fun ride, but I don’t think I’ll see this again. I can’t find any investment in this film and I’ll probably be more disappointed after the second and third times, finding the flaws. Still, I am glad I saw it, because the Marvel train is still shooting forward.

Have a nice day, everyone.

Elvis, Truelove and the Stolen Boy: The Tragic Machismo of Nick Cassavetes’ ‘Alpha Dog’ by Amy Nicholson

[Last year, Musings paid homage to Produced and Abandoned: The Best Films You’ve Never Seen, a review anthology from the National Society of Film Critics that championed studio orphans from the ‘70s and ‘80s. In the days before the Internet, young cinephiles like myself relied on reference books and anthologies to lead us to films we might not have discovered otherwise. Released in 1990, Produced and Abandoned was a foundational piece of work, introducing me to such wonders as Cutter’s Way, Lost in America, High Tide, Choose Me, Housekeeping, and Fat City. (You can find the full list of entries here.) Our first round of Produced and Abandoned essays included Angelica Jade Bastién on By the Sea, Mike D’Angelo on The Counselor, Judy Berman on Velvet Goldmine, and Keith Phipps on O.C. and Stiggs. Today, Musings concludes our month-long round of essays about tarnished gems, in the hope they’ll get a second look. Or, more likely, a first. —Scott Tobias, editor.]

A decade before the presidency that elevated insults like “betacuck” and “soyboy” into political discourse, Nick Cassavetes made Alpha Dog, a cautionary tragedy about masculinity that audiences ignored. Time for a reappraisal. Alpha Dog is about a real murder. Over a three-day weekend in August of 2000, 15-year-old Zach Mazursky—in reality, named Nicholas Markowitz—is kidnapped and killed by the posse of 20-year-old San Fernando Valley drug dealer Johnny Truelove (Emile Hirsch) with a grudge against Zach’s older brother. No one thought the boy would die, not his main babysitter Frankie (Justin Timberlake), not the girls invited to party with “Stolen Boy,” and not even the boy himself, played with naive perfection by Anton Yelchin, who played video games and pounded beers assuming that his new captor-friends would eventually take him home.

Cassavetes’ daughter went to the same high school as Nicholas Markowitz. The murderers were neighborhood kids and he wanted to understand how fortunate sons with their whole lives ahead of them wound up in prison. The trigger man, Ryan Hoyt—“Elvis” in the film—had never even gotten a speeding ticket. Prosecutor Ron Zonen hoped the publicity around Alpha Dog would help the public spot the real-life Johnny, named Jesse James Hollywood, who was still on the lam despite being one of America’s Most Wanted. So the lawyers gave Cassavetes access to everything: crime scene photos, trial transcripts, psychological profiles, police reports, and their permission to contact the criminals and their parents. Cassavetes even took his actors to meet their counterparts, driving Justin Timberlake to a maximum security prison to get the vibe of the actual Frankie, and introducing Sharon Stone to Nicholas Markowitz’s mother, a broken woman who attempted suicide a dozen times in the years after her son's death.

Alpha Dog, pronounced Cassavetes, was “95 percent accurate.” Which was part of why it got buried, thanks to Jesse James Hollywood’s arrest just weeks after the film wrapped. Cassavetes hastily wrote a new ending to the movie, but his problems were just beginning. Hollywood’s lawyers insisted Alpha Dog would prevent their client from getting a fair trial, and used the threat of a mistrial to force Zonen off the case. “I don't know what Zonen was thinking, handing over the files,” gloated Hollywood’s defense team. “It was stupid.”

The publicity, and the delays, dragged out the pain for Markowitz’s family, especially when they heard Cassavetes had paid Hollywood’s father an, er, consulting fee. “Where is the justice in that?” asked the victim's brother. “This just goes on and on, and I’m spending my whole life in a courtroom.”

The film, too, was pushed back a year from its Sundance premiere. Despite casting a visionary young ensemble—Alpha Dog was my own introduction to Yelchin, Ben Foster, Olivia Wilde, Amanda Seyfried, Amber Heard, and the realization that Timberlake, that kid from N*SYNC, could actually act—no one noticed when it slid into theaters in January of 2007. It wasn’t just the bad press. It was that audiences couldn’t get past that Cassavetes’ last film was The Notebook. No way could the guy behind the biggest romantic weepy of a generation make something raw and cool.

But he had. Alpha Dog is a stunning movie about machismo and fate, two tag-team traits that destroy lives. Think Oedipus convincing himself he can outwit the oracle of Delphi. But Sophocles’ Oedipus telegraphs its intentions, elbowing the audience to see the end at the beginning. Greeks sitting down in 405 BC knew they were watching a tale that came full circle. Every step Oedipus takes away from his patricidal destiny just moves him closer to it.

If you map Alpha Dog’s script, instead of a loop, it looks like a horizontal line that plummets off a cliff. For most of its running time, Alpha Dog could pass for a coming-of-age flick where a sheltered kid with an over-protective mom (Sharon Stone) taps into his own self-confidence, right up until the scene where he tumbles into his own grave. Audiences who’d missed the news articles about the case weren’t clued into the climax. Cassavetes doesn’t offer any hints or flash-forwards, not even an ominous “based-on-a-true-story.” (The film might have been more successful if he had.) Instead, he lulls you into joining the kegger, watching Zach crack open beer after beer as though he expects to live forever. “There’s a movie sensibility that the film doesn’t conform to,” said Cassavetes. “You don’t watch this film. You endure it.”

As Zach, his eyes red-rimmed from bong rips, not tears, is shuttled between party dens and wealthy homes, he’s given several chances to escape. He’s even revealed to be a Tae Kwan Do blackbelt who can jokingly flip his captor-buddy Frankie (Justin Timberlake) into a bathtub. But Zach stays put—he doesn’t want to get his big brother Jake (Ben Foster) in more trouble, not realizing that Johnny is too busy making nervous phone calls to his lawyer and his aggro father Sonny (Bruce Willis) to get around to asking Jake for the $1200 in ransom money.

Zach’s death is disorienting, almost as if Psycho's Marion Crane got murdered in the second-to-last reel. In a minivan en route to his execution, he innocently tells Frankie he wants learn to play guitar. “It bugs me that I don’t know how to do anything,” he sighs. Meanwhile Johnny assures his dad that there’s no need to call off the killing. “These guys are such fuck-ups, nothing's gonna happen,” he shrugs, a rare example of cross-cutting that defuses tension in order to make the shock of the gunfire even worse. Up until the last second—even after Frankie binds him with duct tape—a sobbing Zach still can’t believe Frankie would hurt him, and honestly, Frankie can’t believe it himself. And Yelchin’s own early death makes you ache for him to get a happy ending, which Cassavetes dangles just out of reach.

This is how evil happens, says Cassavetes. Masterminds are rare. Instead, people like Frankie can be basically good, but can also be panicky and passive and selfish. Shoving Zach in Johnny’s van was an idiotic impulse by upper middle-class kids, who flipped out when they realized the snatching could get them a lifetime sentence. There’s no honor or glory in the violence. Johnny, the cowardly ringleader, talks tough, but orders his most craven friend, Elvis (Shawn Hatosy), to pull the trigger while he and his girlfriend Angela (Olivia Wilde) get drunk on margaritas. And after the murder, one side effect is that Johnny can’t get an erection. When Angela tries to get Johnny in the mood in their hideout motel, the walls close in on him, suffocating the mood.  

Away from his boys, Johnny is weak. Surrounded by them, he's the king. Alpha Dog sets up a culture of animalistic dominance. Johnny’s rental house is basically a primate cage at the zoo, only decorated with weight benches and Scarface posters. All of Johnny’s boys jockey to be his favorite and tear each other down in order to bump up their own rank. Kindness is weakness. When a fellow dealer with the ridiculous nickname Bobby 911 cruises by to negotiate a sale, he snarls at a guy who vouches for him: “You don’t need to tell him I’m good for it, man!”

Elvis, the future shooter, is the lowest member of the pack. He can’t ease into the group without Johnny ordering him to go pick up his pit-bull's poop in the backyard. Why do they pick on Elvis? He owes Johnny a bit of money, but the source of the scorn is simply group think. No one wants to be nice to the outcast, and Elvis is just too sincere to be taken seriously. When Elvis offers to get Johnny a beer, the guys tease him for being in love with Johnny. When he says sure, he does care about Johnny, they twist words into a gay panic joke. Elvis can’t win—they won’t let him—so he literally kills to prove his worth, and winds up sentenced to death row, where the real boy, just 21 at the time of the shooting, remains today. Another life wasted.

Cassavetes humanizes the killers because he wants us to understand how their micro decisions add up to murder. Not just the gunmen. Everyone’s a little to blame. The kids who got drunk with “Stolen Boy” and didn’t call the police. The girls who told Zach that being kidnapped made him sexy. Even Zach’s older step-brother Jake, an addict with a twitchy temper who escalates his war with Johnny to a fatal breaking point. Neither boy will back down over a $1200 debt, and there’s an awful split screen call when Johnny dials Jake intending to bring Zach home, but Jake is so boiling over with anger, his Bugs Bunny voice shrieking with outrage, that Johnny just hangs up the phone.

The opening credits, a montage of the cast’s own old home videos, underline that these were young and happy children—the kind of kids people point to as examples of the suburban American ideal. Over a treacly cover of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” we watch these real life boys being cultured to be brave: riding bikes, falling off dive-boards, running around with toy guns, going through the rituals of young manhood, from bar mitzvahs to karate lessons. Yelchin—recognizably dark-eyed and solemn even as a toddler—grins wearing plastic vampire teeth.

It takes another ten minutes for Yelchin’s character to sneak into the film sideways in a profile shot eating dinner with his parents, played by Sharon Stone and David Thornton. His Zach is barely even visible as brash Jake barges into the scene to beg for money. They say no, Jake stomps out, and Zach finally makes himself seen when he runs after his brother, begging to go anywhere less suffocating. Zach’s mom loves him so much that she watches him sleep. “I’m not fucking eight!” he yelps. He’s 15—practically a man, in his own imagination—and desperate to get away, even if it means mimicking Jake, a Jewish kid who’s so scrambled that he has a Hebrew tattoo on his clavicle and a swastika inked on his back. Jake starts to say that he wishes his own mom cared about him that much, but as soon as he gets vulnerable, he spins the moment into a joke. “Boo for me,” Jake grins, and takes another swig of beer.

“You could say it’s about drugs or guns or disaffected youth, but this whole thing is about parenting,” grunts Bruce Willis’ Sonny Truelove. “It’s about taking care of your children. You take care of yours, I take care of mine.” He’s half-right—his parenting is half to blame. Sonny and his best friend Cosmo (Harry Dean Stanton) taught Johnny to bully his friends. Cosmo, looking haggard and hollow, mocks Johnny for having one girlfriend. “You gotta plow some fucking fields,” he bellows. “Men are not supposed to be monopolous!” Not that “monopolous” is a real word, and not that Cosmo fends off women himself, except in his own big talk.

Cosmo and Sonny’s own posturing gradually emerges as being more dangerous than Johnny’s because it's more integrated into society. They’re the type of creeps who rewrite the rulebook to suit them, and attack journalists who try to tell the truth. When a fictitious documentarian asks Sonny about his son's drug connections, the father shrugs, “Did he sell a little weed? Sure.” But when the interviewer presses him further, Sonny snaps, “I’m a taxpayer and I’m a citizen and you are a jerk-off.”

Cassavetes, of course, understands growing up with a father who left a giant footprint to fill. His father, John Cassavetes, the writer-director of Shadows and Faces and A Woman Under the Influence, was one of the major pioneers of independent cinema. He died when Nick was 30, before his son attempted to take up his legacy. “We never really talked film theory,” said Cassavetes. “My experience with my dad was more along the lines of how to be a man, how to be yourself, how to free yourself from what society tells you to do, how to release yourself as an artist.”

It makes sense that Cassavetes would make his own ambitious, and maddeningly singular film. And perhaps it even makes sense to him that fate has yet to give him the reward he’s earned. Alpha Dog deserves to be acknowledged as one of the most incisive examinations of machismo and the banality of evil. But like his fumbling criminals, he knows he’s not really in charge of his life. Admitted Cassavetes, “I'm not smart enough to really have a master plan for my career.”

Jessamine Solo 1 / The Jasmine Crown Chapter 1

⌀ F L A S H B A C K ⌀ Jessamine stared at Shondra, with disbelief written over every feature of her face. Her full lips, stained by the juice of one of the berries brought from the human realm, her manicured eyebrows perked up to suit the her wide brown eyes as she tried to take in the truth of the entire event. And while her face showed every single segment of her astonishment, her thoughts ran rampant, deep set in a paranoia she found herself feeling often as of late. With her cousins disappearing one by one, it was no surprise that she was rooted in disbelief. “Clara is gone, you are sure?” Jessamine found a way to voice her shock. Laced within her tone was even a little fear. It was not feigned. Many expressions that crossed her face were perfectly calculated, with the purpose to deceive. She’d become talented in the art of deception, learning to make people believe one face when behind the surface lurked another self; one bound by desire and self-interest, although not entirely based on her own desires. “I am certain, my lady. Lord Aaron just left through the portal in the South Wing, he’s gone to find her,” Shondra replied, there was no sense of surprise in her voice, not when it regarded Aaron. Of course not. Between Aaron’s own feelings, and Lucifer’s coercion, there was no doubt Aaron would be the first to ride in on a horse painted with false notes of white. A rescue mission. “Thank you, Shondra, you’ve been loyal to me and my cause,” the same words had left her a hundred times, to a hundred different waiting souls. Waiting for her word, waiting for her support, and waiting for the approval that came. Though who wouldn’t want approval Hades oldest surviving child, and heir to a throne, as long as her throne was not first grasped by someone who had much less noble intentions for it. When the words rang free in her steady voice, she actually meant them. Finally allies in Hell had been no easy task, and Shondra had been faithful and loyal, using her lowly status as a servant to go unnoticed. Reaching towards the skirt of her lavish gown, she withdrew a small velvet bag from a concealed pocket amongst the ruffles of her carefully tailored skirt. Resting within it were several marked coins, ones that ran as a currency within Hell. The contents of the bag was more than enough to sustain the woman for a long time. Jessamine reached extended her arms, pulling Shondra into what might be taken as a polite embrace as she tucked the bag into the deep pocket of the woman’s dirt stained apron. Sustaining the embrace for a few more moments to hide the exchange, the raven haired woman finally withdrew, giving Shondra a brief nod of her head as a cue to leave. Shondra took it, giving one nod back before turning back around and quickly on her heel, disappearing from the more abandoned corridor. Once again, she waited for Shondra to have enough time to hurry on before she headed the opposite way, in the direction of her chambers. The walls held many memories, more than of her true home, however, they did not have the same meaning, not anymore. Once she’d run through the halls as a child with her older cousin, playing games of chase, of tag and all sorts of other games that involved chasing each other about for hours on end. The games changed as she grew, and though she did so slower than her cousin, she eventually caught up, becoming the woman she was today. One fit to participate in the games that tested far more than agility and strength. The games they now played were about politics, backstabbing, murder and power. It was a game that tested loyalty, faith and intelligence. And with her luck, being in the position she was in, the eldest surviving child of Hades and the heir to the throne, under the ward and protection of her Uncle Lucifer, she was smack in the middle of the game. She might as well of walked about with a red X scrawled on her back in the same berry mixed paint she wore on her lips. The trip to her room didn’t always feel so long, but walking down the corridors that held so much memories, and bearing the possibility she would soon have to bid herself goodbye from the life she knew here, it felt as if the few minutes it took for her feet to carry her across the floor had dragged on into centuries. Her footsteps lead her to her room, her high heels clicking onto the stone floors as she pushed the large door open, the sound of the metal loop, serving as a knocker, colliding with the metal brace on the door echoing about the room. It was a complimentary tune to accompany the sound of her own erratic heartbeat pounding in her ears. Jessamine made her way to the foot of her bed, lowering herself onto her knees in front of the chest that rested there. It wasn’t sealed. No heavy metal lock there. Of course there was no lock, why would there be a lock for a trunk that’s only purpose was to store spare odds and ends. It was exactly what she wanted people to think. With ease, she pushed open the weighted lid, the creak and squealing of the hinges protesting against being opened after so much time. There was not much resting in that trunk, a few letters she’d written to her father when she was younger, a sash or two from a gown, and a few other nick knacks from her past, aside from the second trunk that was. The best place to hide it had been the most obvious of places, and even then she’d needed to ignore what was in there. With her cousins there, it’d been easier to ignore the truth of her throne being so at risk. She’d been able to hide behind the love and loyalty she’d felt for her cousins. Bradley, while they were often at odds about his beliefs on ruling, he was her cousin, her family, she had a duty to him. And then there was Jake, so young and impressionable, he needed her, a firm hand to guide him in the right direction. And Clara, her best friend, the person she’d spent her whole life with. Near the end, Clara served as the only reason for her staying, once Bradley and Jake had both been taken. In all the times that Clara had been there for her, she could not abandon her. But now, there was nothing left. Clara too had been abducted just like her other cousins. And that left only Jessamine. Her foothold in Hell was too precarious, and despite the same outwardly generous behavior, she suspected Lucifer was plotting against her to take over her reign. She’d always known that he was power hungry, a savage beast that pillaged and plundered to absorb every drop of control he could possibly find. That was no secret. Even as a child she could remember looking upon his face, seeing the smile that rested on his lips. She remembered that smile very easily. Gentle, both corners turned up in what was intended to be a friendly gesture, one that most would fall for, similar to the kind gratitude she offered those who sought to receive it from her. But she knew the difference, because he wasn’t the only serpent lurking below the surface of beauty and grace. She’d seen the glint of evil behind his eyes. And that was exactly what it was, pure, unfiltered evil, based upon a greed and selfishness that knew no bounds. Before, in her youth the suspicion was just a feeling, yet through the years, she’d watched and listened carefully enough to pick up on hints that suggested there was more to it than just a feeling. And sixteen years ago, although her face didn’t wear the age, she had seen firsthand just how cruel he could really be. And so the reptile had surfaced, showing that the pretty petals could just as easily be seen as glistening scales. Since then, it’d played in her mind, over and over like a record, that she needed to get out of there. It had been known for a while, that she needed to escape. But she’d tried so hard to avoid it, to pretend as if her life wasn’t in danger. Perhaps that was what the state of her life had left her in. So many years, she’d been constantly warned of enemies and dangers that threatened her, her father’s legacy and her future rule. The only safe place had been Lucifer’s Court in Hell, with her close paternal based relatives. And now suddenly, the place she’d lived in for solace turned out to be just as dangerous as the rest, only her enemies wore the same embroidered clothes she did, and bore no weapons that her eyes were allowed to see. Jessamine drew out the smaller sized trunk, underneath were a few letters, wrinkled by the weight of the trunk, not that they mattered. The crucial letters, or the ones that were crucial to her were kept hidden and safe where nobody could find any weaknesses they sought to search in her. Many would look, but they wouldn’t find them, she’d long since frozen out the part of her that acted as a weakness. Setting the trunk down on the ground, she examined the latch, pressed down over the hook where the iron padlock latched on, preventing anyone from opening it, without a key. While lightly tracing her finger over the rigid metal of the latch, she slipped her finger underneath the surface. It was a tight squeeze, but she was able to feel the flat plate that covered about half of the bulb shaped bottom of the latch. With a gentle prod of her finger, she pushed that flat plate up as she’d done several times before. It gave easily. Jessamine used her fingernail to pry the thin metal prize from the indent that rested there, letting it drop into the cupped palm of her hand. The key. She’d spent a lot of time looking for someone to specifically fashion that lock for its purpose. Most people were often so busy looking the most hidden, secretive and well thought out places they often forgot to look in plain sight, which was exactly why Jessamine had hidden her key there, where no one would think to look, let alone even touch. She pushed the key into the slot, twisting it. There was only a slight resistance that marked the age of the padlock, all the same it gave a groan of protest before dropping into an open position. For the time being, she slipped the key into her pocket and opened up the trunk. Inside there were a few of her more important items. A few pristinely kept scrolls; bound by ribbons that were every bit as pretty as the parchment it held together, some letters; sealed with red wax seals, all individualized by the symbol on them, a tiara; ones she’d worn to the most important events of her life, and last, a jar; one that held many memories of the past, too many memories for her to consider in those moments at least. She had to gather a few more things, before leaving. Jessamine stood up, no longer kneeling in front of the chest. She made her way to her bureau, opening the drawer and pulling out a teddy bear. She might have rested at the age of forty-one, stuck in the body of a nineteen year old, but the creature held meaning to her. Her fight night in Hell, Clara had given it to her and it was often something she viewed as a symbol of their friendship. She stole another glance at the stuffed creature before walking back towards the trunk, setting it in. It was the first of all the important objects to get packed in the trunk. Next she folded in a few petticoats, layering a few unlaced corsets upon them along with two different embroidered skirting options and two other intricately designed square cut bodice shirts. It would have to be enough until she could have more made for her. Surely she could manage. As soon as she arrived back to the Underworld with the proposition to reclaim what was hers, she’d be provided with all the gowns she would need. Jessamine grabbed the rest of her legal documents, at least the few she still had access to. With Lucifer acting as her regent, she barely got her hand on much even though she was supposed to. Along with the documents, she tucked in a few books, ones containing information on the royal lifestyle and the second being a journal that entailed every detail of the supernatural creatures within the world. It was a great asset, one that would help her identify the different species when seeking their help in the journey she knew would take time. Casting a few more looks around her room, she sought out something that she might have missed, something that might be important to her. Her gaze fell on a ring on her bureau, it rested amongst plenty of other things. Different kinds of makeup, almost homemade from the highest quality of ingredients, different salves and creams given to her by the physician with the usual promises of youth and beauty. A few tiaras, resting in velvet displays reflected the glow of candlelight illuminating the room. They weren’t so important. They didn’t hold any precious secrets, only precious, expensive gems. She supposed they didn’t matter in those moments. Like the dresses she would have more. Jessamine picked up the ring her Aunt Diana had given her carefully. Pure gold, marked with a three-headed dragon symbol. It was Jessamine’s family crest. Many were under the belief that because Hades used Cerberus’ essence to protect the outer layer of the Underworld realm that it was also their crest, although this was not the case. In truth it was a three-headed dragon, a beast of fire and spirit, of determination and fierceness. Traits her family shared. Her Aunt Diana had told her that Hades had given it to her when he’d dropped Jessamine off at the River Styx port, with intentions that she would one day receive. Diana had given it to her last year, not long after James had…left, as everyone liked to put it so they didn’t upset Jessamine too much. She said that the strength she’d displayed in the situation had been admirable. Even though she wasn’t quite so cold hearted as Lucifer, Jessamine sometimes wondered if the real truth of the gift was a recognition for her forsaking love, and not for the strength Jessamine had supposedly shown in the situation. That was how it worked though. No, that was how they worked. Jessamine was one of the demons, as cold and ruthless as the next. Once, she’d been a small child startled by the screams that could be heard a short distance from her chambers. Years later, she was one of the people causing the screams. Torture might not exactly have been her forte, but she was just as guilty of bringing about bloodshed and suffering as the next person. And she was equally as guilt of seeing love as a weakness, even though she herself had found it. Jessamine spread her thin fingers, pushing the ring onto her pointer finger, past the lustrous, perfectly manicured nail and down past two different segments where the joints met, finally allowing the thin metal loop to rest comfortably at the base of her finger. She might as well wear it now, it was the best change she actually had of smuggling it out, or at least she hoped that it would. The last thing she wanted to lose was the ring that meant so much to her family. Persephone had worn it before her death, according to Diana, who’d been told stories by Hades. She was always thankful for her Aunt Diana’s stories. She seemed so knowledgeable on topics related to Hades and the Underworld, and was always willing to help Jess learn more. In her position, Jessamine was sure she would have done the same. Marrying the King of Hell was a huge responsibility, especially considering his brother was Hades, the King of the Underworld; Crossroads of Souls. Thanks to purposefully place rumors around morals, the legends were often separated, between Hades and Lucifer, only one truly being able to exist. Yet in reality, they both did. They were all too real. Both were dangerous realms, and only one was Jessamine’s home. Even then she still did as much studying as she could into the customs and politics of how it’d been run, even though the form of ruling had changed since Lucifer had been made regent. Her Aunt Diana had simply been smart enough to seek out the same answers. Jessamine blinked a couple of times to bring herself back to earth, guiding herself away from the thoughts of politics and customs and ideas that were held up in the very different cultures of the Underworld and Hell. She had more important matters at hand than all the memories and theories that came by looking at simple objects. Like getting out. That was one of the most important parts, and she was running out of time. Even with a permanent portal, forever resting in one place, there was still precautions taken. In simplest terms, it was like someone placing a cloth over a table, covering it up, only the conceal that hid the portal was much more significant, and could only be opened by strong witches, warlocks and demons. Sure, with Jessamine’s goddess and demon mixed powers, she could open it no problem. It would only be child’s play for her to lift the cloth away from the portal and uncover it. But she was smart enough to know there’d be more than one line of defense resting over the place that stood between all of Hell and where earth, the human realm of which Jessamine had not stepped a food in. There was magical wards laid, ones that would act as an alarm system once the cover was lifted. And besides that, she’d have to try to find a way to manipulate the portal to get her to the Underworld. Going to earth would be of no use for her. She’d heard of it plenty of times, from Clara’s travels, from Aaron’s explorations and from every snooze worth recount of Bradley’s times on earth chasing the tail of a pitiful human woman with two other demons. Neither of the opinions on the place enticed her, in fact, it tired her out more than anything. She wanted to go home. She needed to go home. She’d only spent for short years in the place. Only a blink in the lifespan of her life, yet a significant blink. The years had been spent with friends, with people who were real family and not just feigned followers awaiting the plunge a dagger into her back. She missed the times she’d spent with her dad and with her father’s adviser, William. She missed spending time with Elizabeth, affectionately dubbed Lizzie. She missed it all. The memory of her home was etched in her mind, and she had no intention of giving up the hope of going back there. By the way things were developing, however, she’d be there soon enough. Obtaining the official power from Lucifer would be an uphill battle, but one she’d been ready to fight. Her father had left her with a few things, assurance that she was a Queen in her own right was one of them. She’d known it since she was a child. And for the next twelve years following her fourth year, she might have suppressed any belief she actually held power or a chance, but in that sixteenth year of her life, she’d finally woken up. The world around her, a world that’d been blurred and undefined became just the slightest bit clearer as she came to realize her purpose in life. James had made a significant chunk in her cold and careless exterior as well. She’d spent several snow struck years building up walls of ice and solace, carefully constructing every inch of the walls so there were few people who could penetrate them, leaving space only for her people, for her family like Aunt Dee, Jake and Clara. Yet somehow, James had come in, his words and actions serving as a device stronger than any heat wave or ice wave at breaking down her walls, piercing through and hitting her in a heart she hadn’t quite remembered she had. He’d left her bare, unsure if she was on fire or submerged in an icy chill. He was gone now, leaving her alone. He’d been a prime example of Lucifer’s cruel nature, of his actions and crimes that he covered with his standing as a ruler. The stories that told tales of Lucifer’s cruelty were not lies. The former angel, turned into the first demon by his own inner darkness and terrible acts, was stained and tainted by his internal decay. He was not a kind man, and he used the Underworld as a buffer zone, a way to traffic souls into Hell in large numbers without having to make any sort of deals. All he had to do was sit upon his throne and decide the final resting fate of souls. Most of the souls ended up as slaves and servants, a constant supply of people who could do work, no matter their innocence. Usually Jessamine didn’t care for innocence. Or, she didn’t like to think of it because she envied those who led pure lives, who were not touched by true darkness throughout their lives. She tried to avoid those who were innocent at all cost, at least in the beginning, it was a lot easier than seething with jealousy as she wondered what her life might be like if she’d lived a different sort of life. But with more and more of those innocent souls coming to wait on her and her family hand and foot, her protective nature came in. If there was a few things she knew, it was that the position of power wasn’t to be used and manipulated to ones complete benefit, it would only hurt others in the end. The souls were her people. They were hers to protect and it was her job to ensure they ended up in the proper resting place, an interest she didn’t share with Lucifer. At first her interest had come slowly, just listening in on every other conversation Lucifer indulged in, usually involving affairs of the Underworld, then she was petitioning for a few letters to be sent through to her chambers, and finally she was outwardly speaking and asking about how things would be when she finally took on her rule. It was strange because somehow, people always found a way to distract her from the task at hand, to draw her attention from her desire to take her place. It quickly became aware to her that it was purposeful, people wanted her to forget her reign so Lucifer could continue to service Hell. It was that corrupt nature she had to get away from. She might have been willfully blind for the longest of times, but she refused to turn her head anymore. She had to act, she had to take control of her own life and fate. With her siblings gone, most of her ties to Hell severed, she knew she had to leave soon too. Her siblings being gone didn’t only mean she was alone in the emotional sense, but she was alone in the physical sense, vulnerable and opened to terrors that could come upon her, such as an assassination. Jessamine hastily tossed a few more items in the trunk, more things important to her escape. It was so strange, leaving behind a nearly full room. All those years ago, when she’d left the Underworld, she’d taken nearly everything with her. Every gown. Every tiara. Every piece of jewelry. Every single little artifact and possession she’d ever owned aside from furniture had been packed away and shipped off to Hell with her. But now she was leaving so much more behind. A closet full of gowns, a bureau full of makeup, letters from other relatives, so much of her life just gone. After lingering by the trunk for a moment, trying to decide if she had everything she needed, she knelt back down again, the bulky satin skirts of her gown pooling around her as she lowered in front of the chest. She closed the lid, lifted the latched and slipped the key she drew out of her pocket back into the secret hole within the back of the latch. She closed the small flat piece to block the key from falling out or being dislodged. She pulled the lock through the loop and closed it until she heard the familiar ‘click’ that signaled it was closed and locked. The pads of her slender fingers ran lightly over the engraved metal seal that rested on the cover. This one was a lion, Hell’s royal symbol. The trunk had been given to her by Aunt Dee. She’d been told it would make a good place to hold diaries where Bradley and Jake couldn’t reach them. For a while, Jess had stored her journals there, but eventually, she’d decided a new use and invested in a newer lock. It was part of her escape plan. Still, she felt sentimental, scanning the polished features. The trunk wasn’t entirely new, but it was new enough. A quiet sigh left her lips. It was hard to let go of her old life. Giving the wood a brief run of her touch, the soft skin of her hands picking up on the few nicks and scratches that marred the otherwise perfect wood, she finally stood up, resting her hands on her hips to sweep her room with a look once more. She didn’t see anything else that stood out, and she didn’t see anything that made her nervous and skittish about her plan so after one more moment of that careful lookout, she reached down to wrap her hands around the strong leather handles on the chest, bound to it by one nail on either side of each handle. She made her way towards her bed, setting it down there so it was easier to reach. With that, she started to sweep about her room, starting at the nightstand. This time, it was not because she was looking for something. Or at least not something solid and physical. What she wanted wasn’t some object she was worried she’d forgotten, not a shoe or a corset or a belt for one of her gowns. It wasn’t anything she could hold in her hands. What she sought now was a final closure for the life she was leaving behind, trading it in for what could be years of discord. Her gaze fell on the tiny indent in the wood on one of the perimeter lines of the wooden side table. That’d been from when Bradley had been learning to walk, and Clara had the grant idea to taunt him with one of his father’s crowns. Sure enough it worked, of course a small child had wanted such a thing as a shiny device. After following Clara around for a while at a slow uneven pace, Clara had finally had mercy and decided to hand off the crown to Bradley by the desk. With his hand no longer propping him up on the desk as he struggled with putting the oversized piece on his head, he’d fallen over, hitting his head. Of course the crown took the brunt of the hit, and even as a child, the demon hadn’t been injured, though the desk had suffered that small indent, and outside near the North wing, they’d buried the crown in the soil below one of the windows so Lucifer would never figure out what had happened. She walked passed the wall, mostly bare other than the candle holders that had rested there. When she’d first gotten to Hell, they were barely ever lit, she’d constantly come back into her room to be thrown into pitch blackness. Every night, the nanny would blow them out to leave her small form in the dark as well. And every night for the first few weeks, her cousin would come in and light one or two of them so Jessamine wasn’t left in complete darkness. Coming to Hell as a child had been scary, and even if she hadn’t admitted it, she was frightened of the dark. With her life continuously endangered, it was no doubt a normal response to being left vulnerable. That had been before she’d developed the full expanse of her powers, able to see better in the dark, or use a few little demon tricks to light candles herself. While she might not be hiding herself under the bed anymore whenever she heard screaming, she still appreciated the light in the room. Perhaps that was a mark on her own life. Everything about her seeped with darkness, forever stained by the onyx of her upbringing, of who she was rooted at her very soul. Being surrounded by superficial light and warmth was as close as she got to having any form of light. Or, that was a lie. She’d had light in her life before. She’d had him. Jessamine continued her walk, her fingers brushing against the thick wall paper that covered her room walls. She turned the corner, to face the wall adjacent to the bed, the one her bureau and her day bed rested against. It was only easy to envision memories came with the bureau. Several times, she’d sat there with Clara, so much so there’d been another chair fashioned. She remembered readying herself for most of the balls at this bureau. It was only easy to envision herself sitting down there, looking in the mirror as Clara stood behind her, pinning Jessamine’s raven locks up in the most obscene ways she could possibly muster, different styles that had them both giggling before they’d switch and Jessamine would do the same with Clara’s chocolate brown locks of hair. Her fingers brushed lightly against the pale color of the polished wood of the bureau, as if somehow making contact with the different surfaces would allow her to bring those parts of her with her. She would surely need the good memories to picture when she spent the next part of her life fighting for her right to rule. She walked past the day bed, taking a brief moment to sit down on one end of it. When Diana had just come back from the infirmary after delivering Jake, she’d heard that Clara and Jessamine were having tea there, in Jessamine’s room. They’d been sitting down on the day bed, chortling about whatever gossip of the day that was brushing about. Something obscene about one of the royal demons having an affair with a servant. It was a notion they’d both found utterly ridiculous at the time. It was funny how much things had changed since then. Diana had breezed in, the elegant skirts of her gown sweeping against the gown, and even post childbirth, she looked regal as always. She always was primed and done up to every possible extent she could possibly imagine. It was nearly so distracting that Jessamine didn’t notice the sad look often in her looks. Nearly. Not quite enough. Sometimes, when her Aunt let her walls slip down, just for the faintest of moments, Jessamine suspected she wasn’t entirely pleased with her situation. Who would have been? She was married to the devil, even if Lucifer seemed to love Diana, as much as he could, it wasn’t like he was quite so emotional capable. That was one thing Jessamine had never been able to quite grasp about royal life. Surely, it was a big deal in her life, in any ruler’s life. One day, they’d most likely have to marry for power, for advantage. It wasn’t like she’d never been paraded about in her finest clothes at balls, forced to dance with different lords and royals, old and young. Always, they’d been ones Lucifer chose, ones that were deep in his pocket. No doubt marriage was another way for him to subdue her, to keep her in line any away from power. Maybe once she left, she’d finally be free to marry who she wanted. It was wishful thinking, but she could hope. Her Aunt Diana, she wasn’t so sure why she’d married Lucifer. But it was clear that she wasn’t always happy even with the walls and barriers she put up. That day when Diana came in, there was no false happiness in her eyes this time. It was joy that day. Joy for the energetic bundle that she’d held in her arms. Jessamine had to admit, she’d been happy too. It was hard not to be. She’d never imagined she’d be a mother, even if her royal status demanded she have many heirs, but she was more than content with being a big cousin. It was on the day bed that she’d held the little boy, Jake, for the first time in her life. He’d been small and fragile, innocent, despite who he was. Cold or dead inside as she was, Jessamine could understand that the kind of innocence the child had should have been protected, guarded and held sacred. That wasn’t how it’d gone. Innocence and purity were not protected in Hell. Innocence and purity were destroyed in Hell. Hers had been, Clara’s had been, Bradley’s had been, and for the most part, Jake’s had followed, though his time spent on earth may have acted as a saving grace for him to hold onto a piece of that. She got up off the day bed once more, smoothing out the skirts of her gown before walking once more, the low heels of her shoes clicking lightly against the stone floors. Jessamine was led to her closet, a place where more fond memories rested of her Aunt and Clara. She remembered the hours they’d spend trying on different gowns, twirling and showing off for each other while the large dress skirts flared out around them. Those memories had taken place as early as a few weeks ago, before another lavish ball had been held. Eventually, her steps led her back to the bed once more, back to where she’d rested her head for forty-one years. She didn’t always find comfort in the surface of the sheets, but she had more than once before. It was a lot like her bed in the Underworld, from what she remembered of it, which was almost everything. It was a blessing and a curse, her strong tether to memory she had. Everything came back to her in such vivid detail when she’d summon it. There were some things she’d have been more comfortable with forgetting. There were some memories that came with the bed, different ones throughout the years. Times she’d spent with Clara. Usually more careless gossip, which on the outside was superficial, but in realism, it was sweet, they’d grasp for the simplest topics, just to spend time around each other. Sometimes the conversations had more substance. But being demons, they were allowed to hold love for each other. They were allowed to love each other as sisters even if they were only cousins. However, they were never allowed to speak about it or act like it. Other times, she’d been with her ladies, three of whom were demons, the other a Seelie from what she understood, not that the young Seelie spoke up much. For what was in basis a dark fairy, the woman was so touched by light she seemed uncomfortable around the darkness Jessamine and the three other demons possessed. And of course, there’d been James too. Not as much as would have been imagined. With James’ status, they were often sneaking around, having each other in the most odd of places if it meant they weren’t going to run into anyone from the court. She’d known the moment Lucifer or really anyone found out about her relationship with the servant from Hell, they’d be torn away from each other, or worse. Her trip down memory lane was closing to the end. Resting by one of the four posts on the bed, she glanced up briefly at the frame that held up the thin gossamer material that canopied the bed, remembering what it had looked like to examine as a child. With one more deep breath, she looked away, rounding the bed to pick up her trunk and be on her way. Breaking the portal would take a while, and she’d already taken enough time trying to say her goodbyes to the person who’d lived in the room, the person she had been. As she was picking up the case the loud, cacophonous sound of splitting wood and squealing, bent metal filled the room. It was an entrance that told her someone was breaking the door open. Not that she had much time to turn around and assess the damage. In what felt like no longer than a second, she was against the wall, one crushing hand wrapped around her throat. The strength obviously belonged to the same person who’d managed to break the heavy door, something no human, maybe even some supernatural creatures could not manage. She could feel the grip crushing her windpipe, and while she didn’t need the air to breath, it certainly made things uncomfortable for her. “Going somewhere, niece?” The last word held an evident hilt of exaggeration, as if somehow the word was meant to a curse. With the way the voice said it, spitting the noun out as if it was venomous. Her brown eyes flew open rather widely and her vision was a little blurry, keeping the image of the person in front of her grainy, and not entirely discernable. Or maybe it would have been if she didn’t know the face well. If she didn’t recognize the golden colored blur that grace the top of her attacker’s head, the familiar hairstyle cut short as it always was even if it seemed blurry now. With the soft, even skin tone and the other pigments sort of blending together, it might have made picking out the eye color difficult. But still, the icy blue color stood out. It was ironic, how something that looked made up of crystalline arctic pools itself could be so a lit with fire. A sharp jawline, dawning a bit of stubble. Bushy, yet well-kept eyebrows of the same color as the hair came into sight after blinking a few times. Those brows were knit together, lines marring the face that could be place on a man in his early thirties. The thinly sculpted lips were pressed into a firm, angry line. This was not the face of someone happy, a conclusion she drew by the actions alone. This was the face of someone she knew. She recognized this face too well. There was no need to mess around with the noun that marked him as family this time. He wasn’t her Uncle in these moments, he was her rival. Just as she’d awaited for thirty eight years, he was finally showing his true colors. There was no beautifully feigned smile to lull her into a false sense of security. There was no soft petals to trick her into pricking her finger on a thorn. She could feel the thorns this time, she felt as if her body was snaked within vines of them. She’d always been aware of those thorns before, aware of the snake that would wait underneath the flower, but she’d never come head to head with them. She’d used her own deception to feign graciously accepting the false niceties. “Lucifer,” the words were rasped out, barely discernable as talking without her air supply was no easy action. “Going somewhere?” He repeated once more, and this time his words were accentuated by an action that had her world blurring with the pain. His hand pushed into her chest, punching up under her rib cage in a race to the fast pumping organ that even as a demi-demon, kept her alive. She was acutely aware of his hand ripping through the cavity of her chest, coming to grip her heart and cause her world to explode in agony.

Fandom: Fear the Walking Dead Part: One  Two Three Four Five Word Count: 3,292 Characters: Reader x Troy Otto, Reader Gender: Female Warnings: Extremely mild violence, like a slap... thats about it. Author note: Sorry it took so long, I hope you enjoy it however. As always feedback is greatly appreciated! 

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A sudden gasp left your lips as you sat up, his name leaving your lips as you hugged your blankets in the darkness. Beads of sweat slowly trickled down the back of your neck, you hated it. The dream left you feeling rather shaky, fears coming to the front of your mind. Glancing toward Nick’s bed and then Alicia’s, to check to make sure you’d not woken either of them up. If it had however been you and Alicia in this room, you’d have gone to her, but unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen. Lying back down, you stared up at the bunk bed above you and sighed. Closing your eyes once again you attempted to calm yourself and settle back down to sleep.

The nightmares continued through the night, it seemed every time you close your eyes you would see the dead coming toward you and two paths one with Troy and one with Nick and the rest of the Clarks. Each time you picked a way to go, you never made it, you never got to who you chose. They were upon you, the undead took you down and while you screamed for help, no one ever came to help you. Each time you reached out for one of a groups you found yourself shooting awake, no matter how many times you lay back and closed your eyes after clearing your mind, it was still there happening the same each time.

As morning came, you gave up and got up. A shower and change of clothes came before sitting outside the cabin waiting for the rest of them to rise. It was too late to watch the sunrise, but you were still able to watch the color strip from the sky and turn a beautiful bright blue. “Hey, what are you doing out here?” Looking over your shoulder, you grinned slightly. “Morning Alicia.” You said with a grin as she took a seat beside you. “How are you?” Watching her shrug said it all, she was struggling and you didn’t blame her. Travis dying in front of her and a helicopter crash must’ve been stressful.

Reaching over, you put your arm around her and hugged her tightly. Kissing her on the temple you smiled softly. “It’s going to be alright.” Before either of you could say anything further, the door opened and Madison and Nick appeared. “There is a meeting this morning before breakfast; we better head over there before we are late.” Getting up, you dusted down your behind and made your way with the rest of the family. You couldn’t help but wonder if Madison or Alicia had noticed the tension between you and Nick.

You still hadn’t spoken, especially after he held a gun up at Troy yesterday, it made you angry and you couldn’t forgive him for everything he’d done. Taking a seat next to Alicia, you watched the Otto family move to the front and listened as Jeremiah spoke about Charlie and about how this meeting was to remember her. Your eyes moved to Charlie’s mother as she spoke, you could feel your heart breaking for her. This was the second funeral you’d been to in a matter of months. Thomas’ was a little bit more beautiful than this one, but then with no body and no grave you could understand why this wasn’t like that other one.

As Madison stood up your eyes drifted to Troy for a moment, then down to your hands. You started to fiddle with the cuff of your plaid shirt; the thought of everyone who had died so far was painful. Your parents appeared in your mind once again, your chest ached and tears appeared in your eyes. Feeling a hand touch yours, you looked up at Alicia and gave her a weak smile. “Are you okay?” She mouthed, causing you to nod softly. It might’ve been a lie right now, but it was what you were sure Alicia needed to hear, she needed you to be strong for her right now and that was what you were going to do.

Getting up as it finished, you glanced at Troy thinking he was coming toward you but instead he moved past without so much as a look. Biting down on your lip, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d done something. Making your way to get something to eat with Madison, and Alicia, your mind started to race. How could you of done something wrong? You were deep in thought until someone grabbed your attention, listening to the girl as she spoke about you and Alicia coming to bible study, you smiled weakly. “Thank you for the invite, but it’s really not my sort of thing.” You explained moving away and taking a seat to eat. Looking at the plate you let out a sigh, you weren’t hungry and you doubted you were going to be.

“You should eat, if you want to keep your strength up.” Looking up at the voice, you offered a polite smile. “I’ll be okay�� you’re Jake right, Troy’s brother?” He gave you a smile and nodded. “Yeah I’m his big brother, you’re Y/N.” Biting the inside of your lip, you let out a sigh. “I’m sorry for your loss.” You’d heard from Alicia that he was close to Charlie, saying you were sorry for his loss seemed to be the right thing to do right now. “Thanks. I heard you and Troy are getting close.” You shrugged, your eyes travelling down to the eggs on your plate and pushing them around. “I guess.”

Without another word, Jake sat down and tucked into his food. “He’s not a saint my brother, but he’s been through a lot and he likes to push people. I’m not going to tell you to stop seeing him, he’s my brother and you know I do want him to be happy. But I am going to warn you that you’ll have your hands full.” Eating a piece of toast, you shrugged your shoulders. “Thanks Jake, but…” Jake nodded. “I know, it’s your relationship and all, but I have to look out for my brother, and more importantly the people of this ranch… including you.” Letting out what seemed to be the millionth sigh that morning, what was the actual motive behind this talk? Was he here because of Madison or Nick maybe? Or was this him actually being here for his brother? “I just… thanks for the warning Jake.”

Finishing your food, you return your things and made your way back into the cabin. Stopping dead, you heard voices inside, raising an eyebrow you leaned closer listening to Troy and Madison talking. “Everything that I do is in service of this place.” Pressing your ear against the door, you listened hoping not to push the door open. “Does your father believe that?” You moved away for a moment, swallowing hard not understanding what was going on between them. Leaning back over, you listened again. “You understand me. That’s why I picked you. But I didn’t pick Nick.” Madison was confusing, what was she up to exactly? “He comes with me. Package Deal. What about Y/N, did you pick her Troy?”

You found yourself swallowing hard as you listened to him. “Why were you separated? Why was he with strangers and not his family? He doesn’t deserve his place. I think you know it.” He didn’t answer about you. “He’ll earn it. What about Y/N? Did you pick her?” Maybe it was time to walk inside? You weren’t sure, did he actually pick you or were you here for no reason? “I chose her, I asked her to come here myself. Don’t start making it look as if there are problems, where there aren’t any.” Troy’s words caused you to swallow; did that mean he wanted you here then? “I asked after you jammed a spoon in my eye Madison, even with one I could see she was something special. Shame Nick can’t, really isn’t it?” Slowly you moved and pulled the door open, stepping inside and looking between the two of them. “What’s going on?”

“Troy was just leaving, weren’t you Troy.” Troy looked at Madison and then turned to walk away. “That was made this morning, Troy.” Watching him make the bed, you found yourself wondering once again if you’d done something wrong. He didn’t even look at you as he walked out and shut the door behind you, letting out a breath in frustration; you turned your head to look at Madison. “What was that about?” You weren’t sure if you were angry, or annoyed, or confused anymore. Things here were getting strange and with Troy ignoring you, Nick and you not talking, all you had left were Madison and Alicia.

“I want you to stay away from Troy Y/N; I know I’m not your mother. But I think it would be best.” Staring at her, you blinked as your eyebrows rose in confusion.  “What was that about Madison?” You asked once again. “I’m trying to get to know the Otto family, the more we know, the more of a chance we have against them.” Nodding slowly, you bit your lip a little as you contemplated what she said. “Surely then me getting close to Troy would help then?” Madison shook her head. “We don’t know what sets him off.” Madison spoke causing you to raise an eyebrow. “He doesn’t seem like that with me.” You responded. “He tried to kill Nick; he tried to kill Travis, and Luciana.”

The moment between the two of you was getting heated, the pair of you were getting frustrated and honestly this was the first time the pair of you had ever blown up against each other. Madison and Nick fighting, yeah that was normal, Alicia and Madison fighting, that was almost normal. But you and Madison, she wasn’t your mother; she wasn’t even a mother figure to you. She was just your best friend’s mother, nothing more. “No, that wasn’t by his hand, or his orders. That was his men, and not him.” You responded shaking your head. “He tried to kill Travis!” You pushed your hair out of your face, finding yourself getting frustrated. “Troy only did that to protect his men.” Before another word was spoken, Madison raised her hand and struck you across the face.

Moving your hand to touch your cheek, you looked up at her and shook your head. Turning you walked out quickly slamming the door behind you. “Y/N, hey.” Your cheek was throbbing; your eyes were staring to sting as you attempted to fight the tears forming in your eyes, you didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. “Y/N!” Feeling Troy’s hand grab your arm, you turned to look at him. “What do you want Troy?” You asked attempting not to snap at him. “What’s wrong?” Pulling your arm away you shook your head. “Nothing.” You utter, folding your arms across your chest to create some space between the two of you. “Y/N…” He said softly, his soft tone caught you off guard. Looking up at him, it was clear that you were surprised by his gentle tone.

Watching him as he took a step closer, you felt his fingers against your cheek. Your eyes closed for a moment as he touched you, letting out a sigh, your arms dropped letting him come closer. You looked up at him as he ran his fingers over the redness on your cheek, his palm touching you tenderly. “What happened?” You could feel your heart thumping, he was different somehow. You couldn’t understand why Madison was so against him. “It’s nothing.” You uttered, looking away from him. “Did Madison do this?” You nodded your head ever so slightly, his fingers brushing down your face to behind your head as he brought his lips closer to yours.

“I’m sorry.” His words seemed sincere, you weren’t sure just how sincere he was but he did sound it. “I have to get to work.” You whispered as his lips brushed against yours. “So? Can’t we have some fun first? Cheer you up?” Feeling him pulling you closer, you smiled a little wrapping your arms around him, but then shook your head as his lips brushed over your jaw. “I need to work Troy, I don’t want them thinking that I’m lazy or just not doing work because of you.” Troy let out a laugh, his hands moving down to your hips and pulling you flush against him. “Don’t be silly, come on. Let’s just have a little time together.” You shook your head; leaning in you pressed your lips against his and smiled. “I’m going to go and work; maybe we can do something later.”

Pulling yourself away, you glanced back at him with a small grin tugging at your lips as you made your way toward the fields. You’d signed up to do farming, you had no idea what exactly what you were doing but if you could help well you would help and you figured growing something would feel rather rewarding. Looking up as you walked through the ranch, you noticed Nick and Alicia up ahead and found yourself wanting to avoid them as much as possible right now, with everything that was going on. You were starting to feel like you were no longer part of the group; you were in some strange place between both of the groups. You didn’t feel welcome in one and you certainly didn’t feel wanted in the other.

What were you meant to do?

Deep in the dirt, it was everywhere. But you didn’t mind, you were taking part and that was what mattered most right now. “Hey, Y/N.” Looking up at Troy, you let out a slight laugh and shook your head. “What do you want Otto?” You questioned standing up and looking at him. “Are you trying to play hard to get?” He questioned as you dusted yourself off. “I don’t know, maybe I am. I mean after this morning where you totally ignored me, it feels rather justified.” You responded with a shrug. Troy let out a groan, before grabbing you by the hips and pulling you close.”I have to go on a boar hunt tonight, do you want to come… or maybe meet me after?”

You found yourself smiling as your arms wrapped around his neck. “Why are you inviting me?” Troy’s hands moved around to rest on your butt as he pulled you flush against his body. “Well, you said you wanted to contribute.” He shrugged his shoulders. Letting your arms drop and rest on his shoulders, you looked into his eyes and shrugged. “I don’t know, there was me thinking you wanted to spend some time with me.” You found yourself smirking softly as Troy leaned in and rested his head against yours. “Maybe I do, and well if you’re already with me I won’t have to worry about having to find you after.”

The invite was interesting; you’d never been on a hunt before. “Maybe.” You teased, your fingers running up and down his arm. “I’m just not so sure your intentions are the purest Mr. Otto.” There was a soft chuckle from Troy’s lips as he leaned in and kissed your jaw. “That’s alright then, because they really aren’t.” He uttered, his lips moving to capture yours. Your bodies pressed even closer than before as the kiss deepened and became more intense, his hands groping your ass as your fingers ran through his hair. A small whimper of pleasure left you as he pulled your lip between his teeth. “People want me to stay away from you.” He uttered his lips moving to nibble on your ear lobe. “Don’t.” You muttered as your arms wrapped around him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You decided to go on the hunt, there was something about the way Troy asked you, and the way he’d told you so honestly that people wanted him to stay away from you that you realized that you didn’t want to be away from him. You finally started to feel as if you were finding your way in this place; it was refreshing to feel comfortable. Even if you and Troy didn’t know each other very well, it felt as if you were starting to settle already. There was more to Troy than meets the eye, but you knew that and it didn’t bother you too much. Wasn’t part of a relationship getting to know each other after all?

Moving through the evening with some of Troy’s men, you glanced around as you realized neither Nick nor Troy were anywhere to be seen. Moving away from group, you started to look for them, a worried expression appearing on your face as you searched for them. “Troy? Nick?” You called out, there was no response however. The sound of a gunshot echoing caused you to start to run, you found yourself fear the worst as you made your way in the direction of where the sound had come from.

Manic laughter filled the air as you got closer to the pair of them, your running slowed to a jog as you started to realize that it wasn’t just Nick laughing, it was Troy too. “We can be friends now.” You moved slowly over, your eyes looking between Troy and Nick. “What’s going on?” You asked as Troy pulled himself up and started to grab his papers. “Nothing.” Nick was the first to speak; you couldn’t help but look at Nick with a curious look on your face. You always thought you knew when he was lying, but you weren’t really sure. “We were just sorting our differences.” Troy explained stuffing his journal into his pocket and coming to reassure you. “We’re fine.” He reiterated his point, causing you to look up at him, then again over at Nick.

“I heard a gunshot, I got worried.” Troy shook his head. “Was an accident, it’s really nothing to worry about. Anyway, it sounds like the boys have found the boar, let’s go find them and head back home.” You nodded your head softly, glancing to Nick one final time. What had happened between these two, well you didn’t know. But you were now more curious than ever. Finding the group with the dead bore, you all started to head back to the ranch, your mind was going a mile a minute, what was it exactly that had gone on? You’d not even noticed that most of the people had already piled off of the truck a few moments after getting into the ranch. It wasn’t until a hand touched yours that you shot out of your daydream to look over at Troy.

“What’s going on inside that head right now?” He asked pushing a piece of hair out of your face. “I was just wondering what happened between you and Nick. We got into a fight over you the other day, and if he’s causing more hassle I’m going to have to talk to him.” Troy shook his head and moved to stroke your cheek. “No, it was nothing, he was going to shoot me, but he didn’t.” You suddenly found yourself looking worried. “I need to go and sort him out.” Troy sighed. “No, you don’t.” His arms grabbed hold of you and pulled you onto his lap. “Leave him to it, let’s just go and have some fun, alone for once.”

His words were tempting, you couldn’t help but find yourself very enticed by the request, looking down at the blue eyed beauty, you smiled softly and finally nodded. “Let’s go.”

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Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 27

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 2074

Warnings: Talk of death, angst

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Also sorry for the delay in posting this (again). I just got settled into my new place, so trying to get back into the swing of updated. Also happy belated birthday to Juliette and Ghost, who both share my bday :)

Chapter Songs: Stay Blindedsided

****

Ghost and Hangman left Texas the day after the funeral. It turned out to be a rough day for both of them because, after the ceremony, Jake had left the Blackwoods to grieve at their patriarch's headstone in private- despite knowing they would've been perfectly fine with his presence- and strolled through the cemetery until he came to a stop in front of a familiar marble stone inlaid into the soft grass. His body had reacted on its own accord as it slowly collapsed to the ground onto his knees. Hangman's eyes had stared at the engraving on the stone: Natalie Seresin.

He had talked to her, apologized for getting her killed, for cutting her beautiful life short. He told her of the fiasco he'd made of his life: how he'd pushed everyone he ever loved away, how he'd fucked things up with Ghost, how terrified he was to screw it up again, if the fallout would destroy him like it tried to last time. It'd come so close to succeeding before…

Hangman had told her of Michael Seresin's health issues and how Nick was on the lam; how he and Matt were rekindling their brotherhood and trying to be a family for once in their lives; how adorable her granddaughter Sophie was and what an asshole Jake had been to hold off meeting her for so long because of his anger at his father and brothers.

Ghost had found Hangman. She had silently knelt beside him, taken his hand in hers, and waited for him to speak the first word. He didn't remember what he said, but they ended up in his truck mindlessly driving on back roads for hours, sometimes chatting, sometimes not, but those silences never felt awkward, and only when they returned to North Island did Hangman's fear of losing her rear its ugly head again, telling him he didn't deserve her, let alone a second chance.

It was those thoughts that consumed him while he and Ghost sat on his couch with alcohol in hand. She had dreaded spending the night alone tonight, and Hangman was more than happy to oblige her request to stay with him for a bit. They were in the middle of watching the 2005 Pride and Prejudice, which she and Juliette adored. It'd even surpassed Ghost's love of The Notebook, and honestly, Hangman could kind of see why. It certainly had a happier ending!

"Okay, Mr. Darcy-" he began, pointing at the TV with his whiskey glass and nearly sloshing the liquid out- "or Noah Calhoun?"

Ghost groaned in despair. "Why would you do this to me?"

"Because I love you." The truth slipped out so casually, but Ghost would never suspect he meant it as anything more than platonic. She had never figured it out after all these years, and Hangman was content with the situation because it let him get his feelings off his chest without any risk of getting his heart well and truly broken by her inevitable rejection.

"That kind of question makes me think you hate me. If I had to choose…" Ghost bit her lip and then took a sip of her Bailey's and whiskey. "Darcy. I'm such a sucker for the brooding type."

"Is that why you fell for Rooster?" Hangman teased, bumping her knee playfully with his.

She glowered at him, but the hint of a smile tugging on her lips took the venom out of it. "We were both in shit emotional states, and he looked a lot better brooding than I did."

Hangman's face fell into one of disagreement. "I hold an informed opinion when I say you look better brooding. This may have to do with me having to watch Bradshaw pine for Juliette from the moment he saw her when we arrived for the training. Don't get me wrong; I get it with their history, but still, annoying to deal with on a daily basis. Especially because those lovesick puppy eyes were involved."

Ghost raised an eyebrow at him. "You staring at Rooster's face a lot?"

"I had to gauge my competition, both for the training detachment and romantically. Bradshaw wears his heart on his sleeve, and you can see whatever he's feeling. From the first night we arrived, he had his eyes set on her. I had history to contend with, and I figured out pretty quickly winning her heart was a lost clause."

"You really liked Juliette, didn't you?" The question came out more of a statement, and Hangman winced at the sound of it. "I knew you had a flirtationship, but I never realized you had genuine feelings for her."

Hangman shrugged to give an air of indifference. "It is what it is. My family isn't exactly lucky in love, except for Matt."

"I've seen the way girls look at you. You could have any girl you want. What gives?"

None of them are you. "Haven't found one I clicked with in a long time," he replied, eyes trained on the amber liquid in his glass before knocking the rest back. "You want more to drink?"

Ghost nodded and followed him to the bar, where he poured their glasses fuller than he should've. He probably didn't need more, considering the strong buzz he currently felt, so Ghost had to be buzzing as well, although if she was, she didn't show it outside of talking more animatedly. She'd always been able to hide her drunkenness well. Sometimes too well.

"Who was the girl you clicked with?" Ghost prodded. "Was it back at the Academy?"

"Yeah, but she didn't feel the same. We shared one drunken kiss, and that was it. I was actually doing it to save her from some creep." Jake bit his tongue, realizing he might've said too much. Ghost would figure out he spoke of her if he said anymore. He had to move past it. "It is what it is. Besides, I'm happily married to my job."

Ghost leaned against the bar on her forearms. "Did I know her?"

"Yeah, you knew her." Hangman hoped his short response would end that topic of conversation.

Ghost had other ideas. "Who was she?"

"I don't see the point in saying it since it's in the past, and telling you now won't change anything about it."

"Well-" Ghost began matter-of-factly- "she missed out, but I think you got it wrong about her not returning the feelings. All the girls at the Academy had a crush on you at some point. Hell, I'm pretty sure a few of the instructors did."

Hangman searched her eyes, and a certain amount of anxiety crept into his heart. She knows. She knows I'm talking about her. But why isn't she saying that aloud? Is Ghost trying to save me from the embarrassment? Or maybe... is she trying to save herself from it? 

Hangman decided to play the game. "All the girls," he echoed, straightening and stepping closer to her. "Does that include yourself?"

Ghost stood but still leaned against the counter. He saw her breathing hitch a little, giving him his answer. "Like I said. All girls had a crush on you at some point."

He took another step toward her, so close now that one deep breath from either of them would cause their chests to touch. "And now?"

Do not start anything! This is a bad idea. Abort mission. Abort! Abort! Abort! The warning bells clanged loudly in his head, but seeing Ghost's eyes drop to his mouth wiped those thoughts from his head in one fell swoop. 

"Jake-"

His name rolling off her tongue broke him. Hangman leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, soft, restrained, and questioning, giving her the opportunity to pull away in case he'd horribly misread the signs. In case he'd overstepped any boundaries.

Ghost hands found their way to his face, gentle but firm. Hangman's willpower caved at the green light she'd granted him, his arms wrapping around her torso to pull her close to him, her soft curves flush against his solid abdomen. He couldn't get enough. Couldn't get enough of the taste of his whiskey on her lips, the smell of her Jo Malone perfume enveloping him, the softness of her hair as one of his hands tangled up in it. 

"Stop." Ghost's quiet voice dragged Hangman out of his euphoria. He leaned back to look at her, wondering what happened, what he had done wrong.

"What is it?" he asked, carefully brushing a stray piece of hair from her face.

Ghost disentangled herself from his arms, leaving him feeling cold and empty. She backed away while shaking her head. "I can't- I can't do this."

"I'm sorry. I- what did I do? Did I misread-" Hangman started reaching out for her but immediately stopped when she stepped back.

"It's not y- I can't do this. We just..."

"What is it?" Hangman inquired, dreading where this was going.

The pained expression on her face only deepened. She opened her mouth but closed it just as fast, searching for the words she wanted. "Why? Why did you leave me?"

He blinked, processing her question, fearing the route he knew they were heading. "What are you talking about?"

"After the accident, when I was clinging to life in sick bay, when I had just lost my best friend, where were you?" Ghost demanded, taking a challenging step toward him, fury temporarily wiping away her sadness. "I died and came back, I waited for you, I asked Coyote where you were, begged God for you to come see me, and you were nowhere to be found. For fuck's sake, even Cyclone and Warlock visited me despite the shit they were dealing with in the aftermath of the accident to see how I was holding up. Phoenix, who I barely knew at the time, came to check on me. Coyote was at my bedside every day and tried to cheer me up even though he was reeling from the loss of his girlfriend, and you-" Ghost's breath hitched- "you were nowhere to be seen. Why?"

Hangman gulped, desperately trying to gain control of his mind and block out the horrific memories and thoughts that plagued him from that time. In a strained voice, he replied, "I thought you didn't want to see me. I thought- I thought you blamed me for the accident."

"Blamed you? Jake, I know Javy told you I wanted to see you. I even asked fucking Cyclone and Warlock to send you, but nothing! Why would I ask for you if I hated you? Why would I defend you in the trial for the accident if I blamed you for it? And I know you avoided me before the trial, how you always managed to disappear before I could reach you from across the room. So, I'm not buying it. There's something else that stopped you. What was it?"

"I- I can't-" Hangman found himself at a loss for words; the images of what he'd seen, of what it reminded him of, rendered him speechless, incapable of defending himself against the barrage of valid fury and hurt Ghost hurled at him. God, he wanted to tell her, to tell her everything, but he couldn't. Hangman couldn't bring himself even to the edge of that long, dark hole of endless despair he'd spiraled into after Ghoul's death. If Hangman did, he was terrified he wouldn't be able to pull himself out again.

"I have never needed anyone in my life," Ghost said, her voice cracking. Tears brimmed her eyes, threatening to cascade down her flushed cheeks. Barely able to get the words out, she whispered hoarsely, "But I needed you then, Jake. When I needed you most, you left me alone. Why?"

I loved you. That's why I couldn't be there. The words lodged in his throat, paralyzing fear taking control of his body.

Ghost scoffed in disgust. "Even after all this time, you still can't tell me. I should've known. Goodbye, Jake."

She turned on her heel, grabbed her purse, and exited his apartment, leaving Hangman rooted to the spot and realizing that goodbye had been final. She'd given him a second chance, and he'd blown it. She handed him the perfect opportunity to explain himself, and like the coward he was, he clammed up. 

The black hole of despair he'd escaped for years finally won as he tumbled back into it.

****

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Chapter 17 (week 28)

There, she admitted it. She could trust people. It was just the actual them staying around part she had trouble believing in. Everyone she had known in her past was gone. None had cared enough to stay. At first, it really had been hard for her. But, eventually, she had learn to live like this, only relying on God and not some one else, to help her through anything. Of course, her faith hadn’t always been the strongest. There were obviously times when it wavered, but when those times did come, she had always pulled through at the end. Now, this wonderful man literally sent from heaven above, Ryder Clinton, was asking her to trust him that he would stay? Through the good? Through the bad? Even through the ugly? There was just no possible way the he would. It would be very hard to see him go, that’s for sure. Ryder still stood directly in front of her, waiting perhaps. She didn’t know what for. She had confessed to him her biggest challenge in life when it came to people. What more did he want? “Okay,” Ryder finally spoke up, nodding his head for some unknown reason,“alright.” He took a step back, giving her more breathing room. Why hadn’t she done it herself, move away from him? Cause you like him being close, you like the comfort he provides, her heart cheered. It isn’t good to get attached to someone who will, in the end, leave you, her mind stated. When would this war end? She watched Ryder curiously as he put a hand on his stubbly chin. He worked his jaw, pondering something deeply. He looked good. No, great. You find him very attractive, her heart whispered. You shouldn’t even be ogling at him, her brain declared. Why, oh why was this happening to her? Simple, cause Ryder had already somehow found a place in her lonely life. “We’ll just have to work on that then,” He said, dropping his hand back to his side. He then smiled mischievously at her. His smile totally enhances his chiseled features by far, her heart sang. Again, you should not be gawking at him, her mind spat. This really needed to stop. As if God himself had heard her, a knock sounded at Jake’s door and a doctor entered into the room. He had to have been past his fifties, the gray hair and deeply set wrinkles on his face evidence enough. He glanced at both of them, fixing his stack of papers in his arms. He smiled calmly first, then spoke. “I’m assuming you are Miss Evergreen?” “Yes,"She answered quickly, ready to hear exactly what he had to tell her about Jake. "I’m Doctor Nickel. I have to say miss Evergreen, you son is definitely a fighter. All the test stated he would never be able to wake up again from his coma. It had even been said that he wasn’t even suppose to make it through his surgery. But, luckily, he arrived here just on time. Our team worked viciously, setting everything back into its place.” Dr. Nickel made his way over to Jake’s bedside and pointed with his blue capped pen to her son’s face. “As you can see, we had to shift some of his face back to its correct spot. His stitches will be taken out after all has healed.” He glanced at her to make sure she was keeping track with him, then continued. “As for his neck injury, it can’t be stated how long it may take to heal. Maybe a couple of months, maybe a couple of years. The most important thing to do for the best recovery possible is to make sure he doesn’t move his neck at all until it is nicely healed. Wouldn’t want him to brake it again, now would we?” Sky suddenly began to feel the world weigh on her shoulders. How serious was her son really hurt? Ryder came to stand beside her, taking her hand in his. He really would be good to you, why don’t you just let him in, her heart pleaded. Just let go of his hand for crying out loud! You’re a grown woman! You don’t need his help, her brain scolded. “Jake’s major spinal injury has been classified as incomplete, meaning he still has some motor and sensory functions throughout his body. This is a good thing, obviously. His spinal cord injury has been declared as paraplegia, meaning it has affected all of his trunk, legs, and maybe even some of his pelvic organs. That one, we won’t know for sure until later. His spinal cord injury may result in loss of all movement in affected areas, loss of sensation, including the ability to feel heat, cold, and touch, loss of bowel or bladder control, spasms, and even pain or an intense stinging sometimes caused by the damage to some of his nerve fibers in his spinal cord.” More and more invisible weight began to pile onto Sky, now knowing all this could potentially happen or even was already happening to her son, inflicted more pain on her. How much could her weak heart handle? “Like I said before,” Dr. Nickel tucked his pen into his white coat’s pocket,“we can’t really tell you at this point how long it will take for your boy to heal. But, I will tell you this, the time between injury and treatment can be critical in determining the extent of complications and the amount of recovery, and I have to say, I think we got to him just in the nick of time. I predict though that his recovery should go smoothly, as long as he does everything we tell him to do and you do to. Now, do you have any questions for me so far?” She shook her head, unable to speak. All this…happened and was happening to her son? Her son? She still couldn’t fully believe it. What if this was all really just a dream? She wanted to wake up at this moment if that was the case. Right now. “Alright then,"the doctor started up once more. "Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about treatment and rehabilitation.” He explained to her about Gait training, a type of physical therapy that helps someone improve their ability to stand and walk after a serious injury has taken place. “Gait training often includes machines that help the patient walk safely. Our exercise program here will include personal human assistant, this meaning he will have a nurse with him everyday until he is deemed able to do things himself again.” “Now,"he gave her a serious look,"gait training can be hard work. Walking alone is a cardiovascular exercise, one that helps keep your heart and even your lungs strong. Since your son has been immobilized for some time now, this process of relearning to walk may be physically and mentally challenging for him. But, I believe with hard work and determination, he can do it. Any other injuries on him will heal up relatively quick. Once those do, I feel we will be able to start his therapy and training immediately.” Sky wanted to just sit down and try to relax her tired body. But there would be no relaxation for her. He son was gonna be okay, that was great news. But other than that, everything was a mess. She had no car. She had no house. For crying out loud, she wouldn’t even be able to pay for all this stuff that Jake was gonna need to reciprocate! A brick wall had been built around her and she could find no way out. “Will that be all then, Doctor Nickel?"Ryder asked, bringing her back to earth. He did that to her, centered her. Made her racing thoughts pause and focus on the task at hand. He would stay, he heart chimed. He would leave, her mind assured. "Well, Technician Clinton, I’ll be back in a few minutes actually to hand over all the medication Jake will be advised to use to numb some of his pain. He is awake and his monitors have been fine for the last few hours, so I’d say he has a clean bill of health. If you’d like to take him home now you could, but I would suggest keeping him here, just in case anything may happens to him later on that we could fix. It’s your choice, miss Evergreen. Whatever you’d like, we’ll do.” She didn’t believe she could do anything right at this point. All seemed bleak. She wished things could just go back to how they use to be. Before being kicked out of her apartment, before the accident, before even meeting Ryder. Just back when everything was…alright. As a result of her not speaking up, Doctor Nickel excused himself from the room and headed off to get her son’s new medication. “Well,"Ryder turned his body to face her’s, gazing intently at her,"that’s that.” “Why can’t time just stall, just for a second?” Sky covered her face with her hands, blocking out everything. “This is all coming too fast for me,"she mumbled. "I’m just so tired.” “Come here.” Sky tensed as Ryder’s steel arms wrap around her, offering peace and comfort, nothing more. She continued to cover her eyes, now too scared to open them, to gaze into Ryder’s alluring eyes. He would stay, her heart repeated. He would leave, her mind concluded. She would collapse either way. So, why not take the chance? “Ryder, I-” “You don’t have to say anything. Scratch that. Don’t say a word at all. Relax. I’ve got you now.” What a wonderful thing to imagine, rest. She wanted it. She needed it. So, why not reach our and grab hold of it? Really, Why not? Simple: If she reached out and grabbed hold of that rest, it would come with a side order of Ryder Clinton. And…and she was too afraid of trusting him then potentially losing him. He would stay, her heart pleaded. He would leave, her mind shuttered. No, that had been her. She had started to shake uncontrollably. All because of the man who held her gently at this moment. “It’s okay Sky. It’s gonna be just fine,” Ryder whispered softly in her ear. She was going to break down, right here, right now. One more strand and her body would crumble. Really, why not take the chance?

Dusk Til Dawn pt. 1

Ethan Dolan/Reader Imagine

Indents like this one, show a flashback.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You like when daddy gets rid of our enemies, babygirl?" my boyfriend says looking at me with amazement in his eyes.

"Y-yes daddy."

Many years ago I was kidnapped by the murderer and gang leader Ethan Dolan. I had been resistant but eventually I learned to love my new life, love my captor. Ethan told me how much he loved me every single day until one day I said it back. People believe I developed Stockholm syndrome, and maybe I did. All I know is that I would die before being separated from Ethan.

"Baby?"

I tear my teary eyes away from the dead bodies on the floor to look at him.

"T-they're dead."

"Y/N, they tried to take you away from me. They tried to separate us." He says, wrapping his arms around my waist, kissing my neck.

Something flips in my mind. They looked familiar. I choke on my tears as I realized he just killed Trina and Nick. They were my best friends before I was caught. We had just graduated high school together. Memories I had with them and my family flashed through my mind as I cried harder. How could he take me away from them? I bring my fist up and hit the side of my head. Whenever memories tried to leak into my mind I had to push them away. Ethan and the gang are my family now. The memory of when Ethan opened up to me flashed in my mind. A slight blush came to my face remembering it was after our first time, when he took my virginity.

I panted as Ethan rolled off of me and lay beside me. I looked up at him in adoration, basking in the glow of what I just let happen. He was so gentle and loving with me. He'd made my first time special. He meets my eyes after a second, a small smile forming on his face.

"I love you." I said for the first time.

His eyes lit up, "I love you more babygirl."

Resting my head on his chest, an arm wrapped around my shoulders holding me in place. I sighed leaning forward to kiss his peck.

"Tell me about you." I whisper, tracing his abs with my finger.

"My full name is Ethan Grant Dolan. I was born in the southside, explaining the gang and tattoos and s**t. I'm 26 and although we have an eight year age gap between us I know you're my soulmate. I love you more than life itself."

I climb back on top of him, straddling his waist. Leaning forward I connect our lips once more, deepening the kiss until we both pull away.

"Let me show you how much I love you?" He asked, innocently holding onto my hips.

"Yes, god yes."

No one told me I was going to fall in love with my kidnapper. Although if you had told me, I probably wouldn't have believed you. He is my soulmate. I've done countless amounts of things for him, ranging from holding him when he cries to killing my own parents. They were trying to take me away from Ethan, but I couldn't let them. They couldn't understand that he saved me. No one could understand how we felt about each other. Turning towards Ethan with a smile on my face I run into his arms.

"Thank you for not letting them take me away. I love you."

"I love you too babygirl."

####(Time Skip, a few weeks later)####

"Y/N baby wake up!" Ethan screamed, shaking my shoulders.

"Ow Ethan its-"

"They're here. You need to hide while we go kill them."

"Who's here?" I say, frightened.

Ethan had mentioned something about people being out to get the gang but not to worry because it would be taken care of.

"The FBI. Grayson found us!"

(Grayson is not related to Ethan in this. He's just an officer)

"You said you were taking care of it. Why are they here?"

"Baby please just trust me. Go hide in the closet and don't come out til I come to get you alright?"

I nod frantically, pulling him into a kiss before running to the closet.

"I love you!" I screamed after him.

Closing the closet doors, I silently sat behind Ethan's shirts. Gunshots could be heard all through the house. Everything goes silent as I open the door. Walking out into the hallway, I could already see the bodies of Nate and Jack on the stairs. They had been shot and were now dead. I closed their eyes and kissed their foreheads.

"Ethan and I will come back for you."

Running into the living room I pass by the bodies of Cameron, Aaron, and Jake. They can't all be dead, can they? Looking into the den a strangled cry leaves my mouth. I run over to Ethan's body and collapse beside it. He's still breathing.

"Y/N?" he asks, his voice weak and ragged.

"Yes, love?"

"You're free. You can go now." He coughs up blood.

"I don't want to go. You're not leaving me."

"Oh I love you babygirl. I want you to be happy."

"I won't be happy with out you."

Blood is pouring out of his mouth, "They did this. Don't worry Y/N/N" he breathes out only to gulp and choke on blood, "I'll love you til my last breath."

"No," tears leak out of my eyes, "We didn't have enough time. You can't leave right now. I need you."

"I- I lo...love you." his head falls limp to the ground. I feel around his neck for a pulse only to find nothing.

Tears fall down my face at a rapid pace. Glaring at the door, I frown. They did this. THEY DID THIS! They took my Ethan away. I grab Ethan's gun that's by his head. His name is engraved on the side. Walking over to Jake's body, I grab his knife and put it in my pocket. Opening the front door I see all the cops look over at me.

"Y/F/N Y/L/N," one asks, cautiously looking at me, "we thought he killed you."

"He wouldn't have killed me. He loves-loved me."

"Ms Y/L/N-"

"Shut up! You took him away from me. Now you're going to pay."

I lift up the gun shooting each one in the head. After I walk to each and carve the word 'Dolan' into their backs. Grabbing the rings off two of the officers I march back into the house by Ethan. Kneeling down and slipping the ring on his finger, I slip the other on mine. The first bit of sunshine peeking in the window to my left. I've loved him from dusk til dawn.

"I'll never forget you my love." I kiss his forehead lay with him for a little while. When he feels cold I pull away.

As I walk down the street many men and women stop to stare at me. Being covered in blood tends to do that. Wet, warm tears roll down my face as I walk into a hotel.

"I need a room." I say to the receptionist quickly.

"Right and what's your-" she looks up at me and gasps, “room 306. It's on the house."

"I need to know where Grayson Bailey is staying."

"Room 309. Right across the hall from your room."

"Thank you." I flash her a fake smile and take the stairs.

Standing outside of Grayson's door, I take a deep breath and knock. Putting on a scared and bewildered look before he answers the door. The door swings open as I'm about to knock again.

"Y/N?" Grayson says in disbelief.

"I got out of there as fast as I could. Everyone was shooting and I was so scared. He kept me for two years and I just want to go home."

Grayson pulls me into a hug and I smirk over his shoulder. He believed me. Good. Let's see how long I can hold us this persona until I have to kill him. I know Ethan would be proud.

After a Miserable Series Finale in Atlanta, Now What for Phillies?

I have to be honest, I could not have initially disagreed more with the Phillies’ decision to start Vince Velasquez today. He came into this afternoon’s rubber match against the Braves with an 0-2 record and 7.50 ERA in four career games at SunTrust Park. Braves hitters had posted a ridiculous 1.016 OPS and .415 batting average against him in those games. And Velasquez, who has suddenly become one of the team’s primary late-inning arms (and not on merit), was being jerked back into the starting rotation after making nine relief appearances, including what was a brief 10-pitch outing on Friday night.

After watching the Braves methodically dismantle the Phillies in a 15-1 drubbing, I have a confession to make. I was completely wrong.

I was wrong because in the end, it didn’t matter if the Phillies started Velasquez–who predictably struggled–or Cole Irvin–who predictably struggled–or Jerad Eickhoff–who predictably struggled. All three pitchers were completely overmatched and thoroughly beaten by what looks like one of the National League’s most complete lineups. You know, the type of relentless lineup many of us thought the Phillies would have. By the time Gabe Kapler removed Eickhoff, whose 39 ineffective pitches yielded six hits, a walk, five earned runs, and two more homers, and tabbed utility guy Sean Rodriguez for the eighth down by two touchdowns, it’s almost as if the manager was saying to his front office and the fans, “What the hell do you guys want from me here?” 

If he didn’t ask, he should have.

Kapler will continue to catch heat from fans and certain media types after the Phillies lost for the fifth time in their last seven games to fall 2.5 games behind Atlanta. They have lost 4.5 games in the standings to the Braves over the last eight days and now have to deal with a surging Nationals team that knows they have a prime opportunity to gain ground at home this week. This is undoubtedly a concerning trajectory for the Phillies, and while Kapler certainly hasn’t been perfect, I mean–how much of what is happening right now is really on him?

Was it Kapler’s fault that his ace couldn’t survive five innings on Saturday night as his ERA swelled to 4.89 15 starts into the season? Is it Kapler’s fault that in a pivotal game he had to choose from this tasty menu of options:

Velasquez, now a relief pitcher, who had not made a start since May 6. Also–small detail here–he hasn’t been an effective starting pitcher, which is why he’s now a relief pitcher.

Soft-tossing Cole Irvin, who needs to be nearly perfect with his command and pitch sequencing to survive the limitations of a lower-ceiling arm. Or…

Eickhoff, a guy who has surrendered 18 homers over his last 28.1 IP. EIGHTEEN. HOMERS.

Ronald Acuña Jr. had homered against every NL East team but one.

That's now a thing of the past as The Pheñom hit his first, and probably not the last, HR vs. the Phillies.@Braves | #ChopOn pic.twitter.com/nkp9zC0MiS

— FOX Sports: Braves (@FOXSportsBraves) June 16, 2019

Was Tyler Cloyd not available?

Throw in a bullpen ravaged by injury and a lineup that featured Cesar Hernández and Nick Williams hitting in the middle of the order out of necessity, and, I mean, what are we even talking about here?

Now, if you want to expand the scope of blame and fault the collective group of decision-makers, which I presume includes the manager (at least I hope it does), for opting to pass on Enyel De Los Santos, then, yeah, fine. If you want to dog them for not going with Jake Arrieta on four days rest, that’s fine, too. De Los Santos was decent for Lehigh Valley today, and Arrieta surely would have given them more than what they ultimately got, but it’s hard for me to imagine that was the difference, assuming he wanted the ball. Either way, I just don’t see it. Not with these injuries and not with what followed Rhys Hoskins after the cleanup spot in today’s lineup. Hernandez-Williams-Franco-Knapp-Pitcher. Read that back and tell someone with a straight face that Enyel De Los Santos was the difference today.

This brings us to a question that I often like to ask when it looks like the sky is falling–and it does look like the sky is falling–now what? Now that the series autopsy is over, everybody has cursed at their tv screens, demanded the manager be fired, four guys be DFA’d, and sent their angry tweets, where do the Phillies go from here?

Let’s start with the truth. Contrary to popular belief, at 39-32, with–let’s count ’em up–91 games still remaining, the Phillies’ season isn’t over because things didn’t go their way in a three-game series on the road in June. That’s not how this works, but nobody–from ownership down to the manager–can simply sit back and say “tough one,” while hoping the eventual return of a few relievers, Roman Quinn, and Jay Bruce is going to completely fix things. It will help some, but the obvious and unsettling deficiencies exposed and highlighted this weekend weren’t the unlucky product of a rough small sample of games against a hot team. If anything, I have probably been a little too optimistic about the Phillies this season, but the weaknesses and vulnerabilities on display against the Braves in this series were symptomatic of a team that, as currently constructed, is simply not good enough.

Step one in fixing the problem is admitting that one exists. If you’re looking for some good news on a night when there doesn’t appear to be much of it, well, here it goes. The Phillies have shown a proactive approach already this month by plugging holes on their bench and in their lineup through trades. I interpret that aggressiveness as an acknowledgement of the issues that exist and a willingness to address them in an effort to compete this season. That said, while they probably still need to further address the offense, the issue that exists in this rotation couldn’t be more obvious, and it is, for sure, the one most likely to derail their playoff hopes. Enter step two. They tried patience, they hoped that one of these guys would step up and nail down a spot. It didn’t happen, and now, while the Phillies are partly at the mercy of a developing market, they can ill-afford to wait until the trade deadline to do something about it if they still believe this is a playoff-caliber team. This is a big “if” at the moment.

In the interim, as they continue to evaluate the merits of adding to this current roster and decide just how far they are willing to go to upgrade it, get ready for more sporadic clunkers and pray that run-differential is vastly overrated.

  The post After a Miserable Series Finale in Atlanta, Now What for Phillies? appeared first on Crossing Broad.

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Ramblings: Advantage Capitals and Jets, Analyzing Marchand Suspension Risk (May 6)

Advantage Capitals and Jets, Analyzing Marchand Suspension Risk

Jakub Vrana scored the game-winner with four minutes and change left in the third period to lead the Capitals to a 6-3 win over Pittsburgh in Game 5 and a 3-2 series lead. The goal was Vrana’s third point of the game, as he had recorded two assists earlier in the game. In just one game, Vrana has proven to be a far superior option on the Capitals’ top line than Devante Smith-Pelly was in Game 4. That would be a pretty good arrangement for Vrana next season, wouldn’t it?

Here’s the Vrana goal, with a well-played assist from Alex Ovechkin:

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Speaking of the top line, Evgeny Kuznetsov scored a goal and added two assists of his own in this game. Kuznetsov, Ovechkin, Nicklas Backstrom, and John Carlson and have all scored at least a point per game during these playoffs. It’s fair to say that the Capitals’ top players are doing everything possible to make this playoff run better than the previous ones. But they still have to win one more game.

The injury news is uncertain for the latter two point-per-game scorers as far as Game 6 availability goes. Backstrom left the game with what Barry Trotz called an upper-body injury, while Carlson was evaluated after the game after taking a high hit from Jake Guentzel. Lars Eller moved up to the second line after Backstrom left the game in the third period. Here’s the hit on Carlson:  

Here is the video of the hit on Carlson @ianoland @russianmachine pic.twitter.com/38K6nyIZCD

— Domenic Allegra #ButlerDidIt (@DomenicAllegra) May 6, 2018

The Capitals will finally have a chance to slay the dragon in Game 6 in Pittsburgh on Monday. Potentially losing both Backstrom and Carlson could be significant, as the Capitals are already going to be without Tom Wilson and Andre Burakovsky. So my prediction is that the battle-tested Pens will take this one, which will set up for an anything-can-happen Game 7. That might not sound promising for Capitals’ fans, but I wouldn’t count them out if the series goes seven. They’ve faced the Pens enough times and eventually the puck has to bounce their way.

*

To credit Nashville, their Game 5 effort probably wasn’t as one-sided as it appeared. They were the better team in the first period in spite of ending that period with a 0-0 score. But then the floodgates opened in the second period, which rendered the decibel meter in Nashville irrelevant.

Kyle Connor might be considered the weak link on the Jets’ top line, but it certainly didn’t look that way in Game 5. Connor found the back of the net twice during the Jets’ four-goal explosion during the second period, then added an assist on Mark Scheifele’s goal in the third period. Prior to Game 5, Connor had been having an uneventful playoffs, as he had been held without a goal over his first nine playoff games and had just three assists to his name.

As for that weak link perception, 31 goals and a near 60-point rookie season isn’t weak at all. Having better linemates might boost Connor’s totals, but there’s plenty of scoring to go around in the Peg. Connor spent about 86% of his even-strength minutes with Blake Wheeler and one of Scheifele and Patrik Laine (mostly Scheifele). Expect him to hang around there going forward.

Here are each of Connor’s three points in this game. Stick around for the assist, as it’s a play worth watching:

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All in all, that Connor-Schiefele-Wheeler line totaled eight points, including a goal and an assist from Scheifele and three helpers from Wheeler.

The Jets received some good news entering this game, as Mathieu Perreault returned to the lineup after leaving Game 1 of the Minnesota series because of a shoulder injury. Replacing Matt Hendricks in the lineup, Perreault scored a third-period power-play goal in 12:46 of icetime.  

It took six goals this time, but Pekka Rinne was given the mercy yank for the second time in this series and the third time during the playoffs. Game 4 provided proof that the Preds could play the kind of low-scoring game that would help them win, but the goals allowed problem surfaced again in Game 5. So Rinne’s playoff numbers now stand at 3.23 GAA and .897 SV%, which just like after Game 3 are the worst among the eight remaining starting goalies. Not what you expected at all when you drafted him in your playoff pool. If Game 6 is high scoring, I can’t see there being a Game 7 in this series.

Kevin Fiala was back in for Scott Hartnell for Game 5. Maybe scratching the talented Fiala was questionable, but by many accounts Hartnell had a strong game for the Preds in Game 4. Plus a long-held argument is that you don’t mess with a winning lineup, so I’d expect the gritty veteran Hartnell to replace someone other than Fiala for Game 6 as the Preds attempt to return to what made them successful in Game 4.

Roman Josi is not getting it done in playoff pools, which of course I discovered in my own playoff pool. The Preds’ captain has not only been held without a point in the entire second round, but he has also not recorded a point since Game 3 of the first round, which spans a total of eight games. Josi has just two assists in 11 playoff games. His 0.42 points/game over his playoff career is well below his 0.61 points/game regular season career average.

*

My latest Twitter question, which was a bit last-minute yet yielded a clear result:  

Will Brad Marchand's suspension risk affect where you draft him next season?

— Ian Gooding (@Ian_Gooding) May 6, 2018

We learned on Saturday that the NHL has now officially warned Brad Marchand after his second licking incident during the playoffs. First of all, why does the NHL need to tell a grown man that this behavior is inappropriate? Common sense isn’t as common as it used to be, I suppose. But the NHL has to take part of the blame for Friday’s incident, since Marchand should have been warned the first time it happened.

Marchand isn’t going to change. As much as he might say he needs to focus on scoring and helping his team win, he seems to take pride in being the kind of player that fits his reputation. So the question should be not if he will be suspended again, but when.

So how relevant is Marchand’s suspension history to his fantasy value? We annually knock off a certain number of games missed per season when projecting a Band-Aid Boy, so should we not do the same with Marchand and suspensions? I can remember having these same thoughts when Sean Avery was in his heyday, even though Avery is not at the same level as Marchand ability-wise.

Over his career Marchand has been issued six suspensions for a total of 19 games missed. His first suspension dates back to the 2010-11 season, so these suspensions span eight seasons. That’s an average of just over two games missed per season. More of a minor ding to the numbers than anything, as players often miss that many games due to very minor injuries or the flu or personal reasons and we think nothing of it.  

But the danger here is that with each incident, Marchand is building equity as a repeat offender. So suspensions become potentially longer, bringing up that total. If you believe in the recency effect, Marchand was suspended for five games in January for an elbow to the head of Marcus Johansson. Between that suspension and injury, Marchand played just 68 games, yet with 85 points he owned the league’s fourth-highest point-per-game total (1.25 P/GP). Why can’t he stick to playing hockey?  

*

One other bit of Bruins’ news, but it seems important as they face elimination today: Torey Krug will be out for the rest of their series against Tampa Bay with an ankle injury. Nick Holden is expected to replace him in the lineup, while Matt Grzelcyk is expected to receive an icetime boost in a move up to the second pair.   

*

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-advantage-capitals-and-jets-analyzing-marchand-suspension-risk-may-6/