Am I crazy or do Cats makeup designs seem to slowly be losing their more vibrant colors over these past few years, at least with certain productions?

You're not crazy at all! That seems to be exactly what's happening. I can only speculate as to why, as I am not part of the production team.

And it's not in a "our colour palette is more muted" kinda way in that it's meant to be grungier or more cohesive with its surroundings (see, say, Vienna or Broadway). It's a...it just seems...they took the 2016 beauty guru "blend blend blend" far too literally. Maybe there's a production issue, maybe they've halved the makeup budget, maybe they *are* using water based paints for details which take a lot more for opacity and bleed far easier, or maybe Napier's updated deigns are just not bold enough in how they are being executed, honestly at this point who knows.

The issue, I feel here, is that when I squint at literally any of these faces or consider spotlight washout/eliminate the contrast, they disappear. And you'd think "Jemi why are you doing that what does that matter" - because if I'm in the audience at a seat anywhere other than first or second row, the faces become this:

And obviously that's an exaggeration (but maybe not enough of one) because the current UK designs and such others aren't perfect in this department either so don't get me wrong here, but contrast is *important* in theatre makeup. Lines when attempting to create face shape and "catify" human features are important for illusion - otherwise they just look like people with ears anyway. It's not Instagram makeup - it's not meant to be. The lighting techs are probably pulling their hair out.

New Girl

masterlist

pairing: gilbert blythe x female reader

warnings: just fluff, somewhat love triangle with billy, some jealousy, kissing

summary: you had just moved to avonlea from london, you were a beauty with fancy clothes and a lovely accent, who just so happens to have two boys take interest in you

a/n: there is such a lack of gilbert fanfics on here, he is such a sweetheart and needs more attention

song: angeleyes - abba

Walking up a hill from your new home, you follow a path you saw that helps lead you to school easily. You were dressed in a gorgeous light blue dress that somewhat stuck out around you. You had a ribbon in your hair and some jewelry with white gloves.

You truly didn't know what to wear, back at your old school this was the normal clothing.

You saw a pretty small white flower, you picked it and tucked it behind your ear. Smiling to yourself you continued down the path until you hear your name being called.

"Excuse me! Miss!" you stop walking and turn around to see a young boy, he seems to be around your age. Your eyes quickly scanned his features and you had to admit he was rather handsome.

"Hello, sir!"

"Gilbert- please, call me Gilbert," he smiles.

"Well then, it's a pleasure to meet you, Gilbert. I'm y/n," you smile at him.

"You're new here? You have a pretty accent"

"I am, and thank you. I just moved here from London," you blush.

"Wow, is it nice there? I've been wanting to travel."

"Well honestly I suppose it depends on where you are and what part you're talking about. But overall I like it," you explain looking at a squirrel you saw running in a tree.

Gilbert seemed to not be able to look away for you. He was in awe of you, he has never encountered a girl with such beauty as you.

"Perhaps you would join me in my walk to school? If that's where you're heading?" you suggest.

"I would love to"

You both arrive at school and see everyone already there. You put your small bag on a hook in the cubby area. All the students turn and look at the two of you. It quickly goes quiet and they start to whisper.

You smile at them nervously and start to fidget with your gloves.

Gilbert leans over to your ear and whispers, "don't worry about them, they just don't get a new classmate that often." You nod and introduce yourself. The girls giggle at your accent and the boys ask you to say some words they think would sound funny with it.

Gilbert also took notice of Billy Andrews who was in the back watching the scene. Gilbert also noticed the way his eyes lingered on you, longer than he liked.

He then saw Billy start walking towards you as the boys started to walk outside and girls went to their little corner. They all told you to come sit with them but before you could follow, someone stepped in front of you.

"My, my, what a pretty girl you are. I'm Billy Andrews," he says holding his hand out. You put your hand in his with the intention to shake it, but to yours and Gilbert's he gently picks it put and places a kiss on your knuckles.

Perhaps you would find this sweet, if it were Gilbert doing it. But this boy seemed rather arrogant in your opinion.

"Oh- um- thank you and good to meet you... I must be going now, the girls are waiting for me," you nod your head over to the girls watching in the corner. You see Diana and Anne smiling at you waving their hands over for you to join them.

You slip away from Billy and go sit in between them. "I love all of your dresses," you say to them. They were different from what you grew up with but that's what made you like them.

"Ours? Look at yours! You are very beautiful and that outfit is miraculous!" Anne exclaims as the other girls nod their heads.

"Why thank you," you then lean over towards her when the other girls broke off into some converstations, "your red hair is lovely, did you know? It suits you perfectly," you whisper.

"Oh you don't know how much that means to me!" Anne smiles so happily you can't help but do the same.

The day ended and Gilbert had a clenched jaw while he was thinking about Billy telling the other boys that you would be crawling to him in no time. Gilbert may or may not have accidentally stuck his foot out as Billy was passing by.

Gilbert saw you walking out of school and jogged over to you. "Hey! How was your first day?"

"It was magnificent, it was very different from what I am used to," you admit.

"Figured it would be, do you mind if I..." you look over at him as he continues, "walk you home?"

"Of course not!"

This then became a routine with the two of you, you both had grown very fond of each other and were very close.

Today, Billy was flirting with you again, and Gilbert mistook your actions for you flirting back. That day on the walk back, you got in a small argument.

"You were flirting back!"

"What? No I was not," you shook your head.

"Even if you weren't why wouldn't you?!" Gilbert didn't understand why you never went out with Billy, most of the girls had a crush on him.

"Because- because I fancy someone else!" you take a step closer to him, leaving only a few inches between you two.

Gilbert stops as his eyebrows raise, "who?"

"Oh Gilbert, you complete idiot," you sigh while shaking your head, but before he could respond you grabbed his collar and connected your lips to his. He quickly responds and puts one hand behind your head, and the other around your waste. You could have melted right there as you leaned into the boy. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair, loving how soft it was.

Gilbert was about to faint, he had been dreaming of this happening since he met you. As you were pressed on him while your lips molded with each other, he prayed that you couldn't feel how fast his heart was beating. You slowly pull back and rest your forehead on his.

"You, Gilbert, I fancy you," you whisper to him, breathlessly.

"I like you as well, darling," he smiles connecting your lips again.

⌗ SEASONS OF LOVE ₊ ˖ ་. a 呪術廻戦 miniseries

“ ࣭⸰ ★ HOPELESS ROMANTIC ; geto x fem reader ⠀ ꒰ . . episode four ! ꒱ . . . word count; 0.9k ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ᯇ leaves are falling, and he is too

⊹ ⠀⠀ with so many love stories on the shelf, geto feels his heart being influenced. if he's going to fall in love with anyone...it's you.

contains; geto suguru x fem reader, university (year 2) au, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, love triangle

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀pm or send ask to join/be removed from taglist,, ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀link to miniseries masterlist

"suguru how do you expect me to read when my heart is in a million pieces?"

he doesn't think he's ever met a person as dramatic as you are.

"these books can't teach me how to get laid."

it's kind of cute, though. annoying...but cute.

with the november breeze sweeping the leaves from every tree on campus, winter is approaching fast and geto feels like your irritation towards gojo is at an overwhelming high. there really isn't anything he can do about it. after all, he wasn't there when you oh-so-spontaneously confessed your undying love for satoru on halloween; to which you received a brutal rejection...this is why geto doesn't date— especially why he doesn't date in a world run by satoru gojo.

now, geto has done his very best at trying to distract you from the devastating heartbreak that comes with loving his best friend. there have many so many girls before you who've tried to get on with him after being ignored by the white haired boy; which is extremely insulting that any of them thought geto would be an easy target or a second option to satoru. when geto does fall in love, he hopes that it'll be with someone who chooses him first. someone who doesn't even consider their other options and believes that he's the only person in the entire world who can fit with their uneven puzzle piece. clearly, gojo isn't the person to fit with yours.

"maybe you just need to sit down and be silent?" he purses his lips in annoyance, trying his best to focus on the words of poetry and rhyme. poems are the language of love. you could take some advice from these lines. "you're talking so much that you're not even enjoying the book."

you groan. "this book is boring. who the fuck reads poetry for fun?"

um. he does.

the glare he sends your way is intimidating, but also gentle. "what would you like to read instead? since you're such an avid reader?"

his sarcasm is meant to be insulting.

a mischievous smile creeps into the corners of your lips; smile likes yours used to scare him as a child after having seen alice in wonderland one too many times. he never understood the other children's fascination with a purple, talking cat. it's just weird. "how about this one!"

the book your present to him isn't anything he's read before. actually, it's something that he hopes to never read ever. "you're kidding."

"dead serious!"

how is a cheesy romance supposed to make you feel better?

"that's just going to make you feel worse, y'know." he gently takes the book from your hands and shuffles through the pages. with his head nodding along to each words his eyes skim, it's painfully obvious that you're going to read this book imagining the male lead to be satoru. "you have such an active imagination, you'll be heartbroken all over again."

with his words, your smile melts and geto knows he's right. "satoru is a lost cause in the romance department." he explains, scooting a little closer to you and rubbing your knee. the two of you have been seated on the floor of the lovely little bookshop near campus for an hour now. you're practically the only two people in the entire store, which has made this fake date feel a little more real. "i promise that you're better off dating anyone other than him."

you don't move away from the comfort of his palm, and instead lean into it; but your words are in defense of gojo. they always are. you can't seem to find it in your heart to let him go— no matter how awful of a rejection. "he's not a bad guy. he just needs a little help learning how to love."

the look in your eyes is earnest and geto sees that you believe your statements with your whole heart.

"i can be the person to help him learn."

there's no physical tell that you're upset, but he can somehow sense that you're about to cry. maybe it's the way you slightly tensed up with your body rejecting his soft touch or the way your gaze refused to meet his; no matter, he's going to cheer you up anyways. there aren't many people that geto can make smile— but somehow, in the past four months of being your friend (?), you've become the only person he cares to cheer up.

he murmurs your name in the most comforting, gentle voice that anyone's ever spoken to you. "you are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe; and you are capable of amazing things—"

"because you are the special. suguru, i've seen the lego movie. you're not being slick." aw man.

your tone of voice is irritated, yet you still laugh. yes, geto knows that might possibly have been the stupidest and cheesiest thing he's done in his whole life, but he doesn't care. he made you smile. him! not satoru. geto suguru made you smile. it's not something he'd win an olympic medal for, though in his mind it's worth more than that. he doesn't know when you became so special to him. he doesn't know how you managed to creep your way into his heart and cause this embarrassing blush to consume his cheeks; and he isn't bothered to figure it out.

he doesn't want to rejoice in your heartbreak...however, there is a tiny part of him that's happy satoru doesn't love you back.

maybe it's finally time suguru gets to be loved.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀pm or send ask to join/be removed from taglist,, ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀link to miniseries masterlist

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Raf and Sulfus, Sulfus and Raf.

I finally finished my AF main cast redesigns for my rewrite project! I've had these two for a while, but I didn't want to post them until the rest of the gang was also ready for some reason. Anyways, here's my design notes for the main duo:

I wanted to treat this entire project the way I would if I'd been actually hired to reboot the IP as a professional. With this in mind, I kept the designs simple enough for serialized production while also doing my best to make them "fashionable" like the original material.

The comic's motifs for both characters made me decide on the moon and star as their core design elements early on. I simplified these shapes even further to their most basic form: angels will be represented by/associated with circles, and devils with triangles.

I designed Raf with a crescent moon in mind: she's very curvy but there's still some pointiness to her shapes. Sulfus was modelled after a 5-point star instead: all points, sharp angles and straight lines.

Since both the comics and series had Raf characterized as a go-getter (she's the leader and main character), I dressed her in some casual but sporty clothes to reflect this; I envisioned her as the "speedster" of the group, someone who's quick to jump into action once a goal or "finish line" is set. This Raf likes running and jogging as much as flying, so she sports (ha!) a nice tan as well.

Sulfus is the quintessential bad boy: he listens to heavy music, rides a motorbike, his snake mascot's resting mode looks like a tattoo, he surfs lava just for fun... I took his hobbies into account more than his previous emo/scene or classic rockstar looks from the series/comic, and came up with a healthy mix of functional speed biker fashion with melodic/power metal band influences.

Raf's main colors are blue, gold and white, a high contrast to the red, grey and black colors of Sulfus. Since Raf has a bright red spot in her design, it was only fair to give Sulfus gold eyes and blueish black and grey tones in turn.

Since Raf is more romantic and very sincere, her red ladybug (symbol of luck, new beginnings and love) is very bright and eye-catching, contrasted by Sulfus' soft, cool hues. His ring-necked snake (which is much more subtle than his original green rattlesnake/coral snake) represents Sulfus' more secretive side.

I'd go into more depth about their updated personalities and backstories, but this post is long as it is :V If any of you is interested in seeing more of this pair in action, here's my AFapril comic challenge thing. If you want to read them in action though? Here's my rewrite fic! If anything happens to AO3 I'll make sure to update this or any future posts linking to it, don't worry. I'll be using the tag IFWY (I'll Fly With You) for anything related to it.

Hey i love your writing can i request yandere yuta x reader who has a crush on yuji but he's so clueless about it

note: my favorite boys 💓

warnings: yandere content, love triangle trope, unrequited love trope, yūta has a guilty conscience, female reader, kinda angsty, lovesick yuta is best yuta, yuji is oblivious but also likes darling, i wasn't sure if you wanted hcs or a oneshot, so this is just a lil imagine, yuta is pining awe, bad gojo bc i don't think he's a good person lmao, gojo just ships them guys 💗

He liked Itadori, really, he did. He was a good kid. Kindhearted and thoughtful, a good person despite the curse that was hardly dormant inside of his body. Yuta liked Itadori a lot, and he wanted to be a good upperclassman to him. Yuta wanted to mentor Itadori like Gojo mentored him.

He wanted to be friends with Itadori.

But she just made it so hard.

Yuta could watch her all day. He did, sometimes, when he wasn't on a mission halfway across the world. That's how he knew that (Name) absolutely adored Itadori. She looked at him like he had hung the moon and stars in the sky, like he was the purest being on earth.

Truthfully, the sweetness of her affections for Yuji made his skin crawl, made his stomach turn in uncomfortable circles as he watched the two of them interact. It was painful to watch because it was obvious that Itadori liked her, too. He hadn't noticed the affection she held for him, but Yuji seemed to look at her with the same sort of adoration in his eyes.

It made Yuta feel sick to his stomach.

They liked each other, Yuta knew this well enough. But... didn't he deserve to have someone to look at him in the same way? That's all Yuta wanted. He wanted (Name) to look at him like he was the only person left in the world. Was that really so wrong of him?

And, he tries to leave them alone. He tries because Yuta knows that it's hopeless to chase after someone who will never want him, but it's so hard, especially when she looks at him with such admiration. She adored Yuta, just not in the way he wished she did.

'It should be easier that way,' Gojo had told him one night as they walked the streets of Tokyo for a mission. 'She cares for you, so you should find solace in the fact that she loves you.'

Yuta wished that it worked out that way, but it hadn't.

He still desired after her like she was the source of life in his world, as he often thought she was. She'd indulge him sometimes, too, smiling at him ever so sweetly, and Yuta would pretend that she loved him just as much as he loved her.

It was a delusion, of course, because she only saw Yuta in a platonic sense.

Sometimes, when he saw Yuji and (Name) laugh and smile together, he had the urge to take her into his room and never let her leave. The disgustvof watching the two of them practically swoon over each other made Yuta sick.

Yuta wanted this disgusting feeling in his stomach to stop, and Gojo had been of no help. His mentor whispered in his ear about how easy it would be to just snatch (Name) away. He listened to these whispers sometimes and would entertain the fantasy of having her all to himself.

"If you want her so badly; take her."

... he really wanted to start listening to that little white-haired devil on his shoulder.

i just finished my finals for my senior year. i'm so relieved (；^ω^)

Propaganda why Aelin Ashryver Galathynius is insufferable:

Your basic Mary Sue. Styled as the incredibly cool best-assassin in the land at only 18, she nevertheless is constantly snuck up upon, distracted by pretty boys, and possesses not an ounce of wit. In a competition between murderers and thieves to win a place as the King's Champion, she sees a bag of chocolates on her bed that she didn't put there and immediately starts eating it and gushing about how much she adores chocolate - nevermind that they just had a trial involving poison, which several of her competitors are adept at. She's always right, and other characters exist just to tell her how awesome and beautiful and wonderful she is. And then she turns out to be a super special magical fey princess!

I generally don't believe that a Mary Sue is a bad thing, but the only thing I remember about this book was how she had been in prison for years but was super young but was also still the most super-specialest assassin. And she kept reading when she should have been training or sleeping. Like, girl, this is not final exams where you can stay up all night and then roll into class in your pajamas and still squeak out a C. It's supposed to be life and death. Her character traits didn't make her relatable, they made her a moron

Heir to a kingdom plus turquoise eyes plus best assassin in the world plus protagonist centered morality

Anti propaganda

Propaganda why Sophie Foster is insufferable:

She is the EMBODIMENT of the overpowered main character trope.

Her entire thing is being the special one who has all extra strong powers. Then, it turns out she has even MORE powers than are considered possible!

And she's like ""oh boo hoo, i have ugly brown eyes in a world of blue eyed people"" like she isn't a conventionally attractive blond white girl

She has literally no flaws and gains like two new powers every book

Lacks any interesting character traits, involved in an annoying ass love triangle (not her fault but still) doesn’t change at all throughout the books, really mean to other female characters, too many powers

I don't think you've done a review for flittle + espathra yet! Love the murder ostrich

Flittle always felt a bit odd, mostly because it's a bit hard to tell what's going on with it at first. It's supposed to be a tiny bird chick, but it looks like either a squid or an amorphous blob. Elements like the triangle on the head (meant to connect to the triangles on Espathra's wings I guess, but Espathra's are way more subtle) also feel kind of random. It does make sense when you see what it evolves into and the shared elements of both, but it alone feels a bit loose conceptually.

Otherwise, it's okay enough visually. I don't see the reason for the pink in the design—it could have easily been purple or white—and the forehead feels too smooth and round despite the white "hair". I'm also not the biggest fan of the eyes or beak for reasons I can't quite place. However, with that said, all the elements at least tie back into Espathra, and you at least can't say its boring.

Also, side note: I do find it a bit jarring that this line goes directly from Ambiguous Floating Blob to Murder Ostrich; Espathra is so much more complicated and has so much anatomy compared to Flittle that it feels like too much of a jump. I think a middle stage could've benefited this line. It doesn't even have to be an ostrich fledgling; it could be a different, smaller bird, like an ibis or something else native to Egypt.

All that said: Espathra is fantastic. I don't know how they managed to make Egyptian-cloth-psychic-ostrich work, as none of those elements have anything to do with each other, but they did. It's just such a pretty design with an excellent flow, and the colors and repeated elements really make it stand out in my brain.

The blue eye pops and the ring-like look gets across the psychic typing nicely. The neck leads into its wings, which have this lovely layered, ruffled look to them that really looks beautiful. This idea of patterning is reflected in the neck and legs, which have striped, slightly three-dimensional rings. The ruffles on top of the head reflect the design of the wings and also loosely invoke ancient Egyptian haircuts.

My only real nitpick with it is that something about the colors feels vaguely off—I think it's that the neck is orange on purple but the legs are white on purple. I think having the neck be white would help draw more attention to the wings, which are the focal point of the design, and would better match the legs. Also, it has one of those bothersome under-the-head mouths that I always dislike; I would've much preferred it just having a weird proboscis beak instead of having a mouth at all. Both of those are minor, however, and as a whole I really like this design.

(Side note: The above art is from Hitoshi Ariga, who designed the line. I love knowing which artists created what 'mons and seeing their original art of them).

So overall: Flittle feels a bit half-baked and is fairly underwhelming, and it feels like this line needed a middle evo. However, Espathra more than makes up for it with an elegant design and unique theming. Definitely worth catching this one if only for Espathra.

Legendborn

Um??????????

I put this book off for so long because a) I heard the next book in the series only comes out in 2025 and I didn't want to be left hanging, and b) I wasn't the biggest fan when I heard there was a (sigh) love triangle in there. And yet here I am, having finished it at long last.

Confession: I was/am in the middle of something like a reading slump. February has not been kind to me with my reads. When the Ann Liang book I was anticipating for months let me down horrifically, ALL the books that followed either fell flat too or were just… middling. I went through book after book feeling empty, and then I told myself: you know what. Legendborn has been on EVERYONE and their mother's radar, and their responses are the same—near unanimous acclaim. It's honestly quite insane.

So I took a gamble. I got the book and started reading it. 

You can TELL. You can just TELL when a book hits right for you, unlike the ones I read before it. I was hooked. Engaged. Totally captivated. I'd read and DNFed another fantasy book just weeks ago, which also utilised King Arthur lore (titled Silver in the Bone), but somehow Legendborn succeeded where that story failed (for me). Maybe I'm just a basic bitch who's a sucker for the typical storyline of a normal girl finding herself entangled with a group of monster slayers and doing tournaments to become one of them. (Is this why… I was instantly enthralled with the Infernal Devices??? Or why I love Demon Slayer—the anime—so much????? I am finding out new things about myself.)

But sure… the beginning isn't anything too different from traditional YA structures. But as you get going, and you continue down the road, you start to see new grounds being tread, and it deviates from anything I've personally read as a teen.

As usual, even though I loved this book, I'm going to do what I almost always do and explore the dichotomy of what I liked and didn't.

Spoilers abound. 

Didn't like:

It was predictable… up to a point (and then I was GOBSMACKED but we'll get to that later). Like, I knew pretty quickly which characters were going to make it to Squires and which weren't. You could just tell from how the author treated certain Pages (the folks trying to be Squires) in a more favourable light. The nice ones win, the not-nice ones don't. I'd have liked more nuance in their characterisation, TBH.

Speaking of which, however, Bree's characterisation at the start was rough. Like, she'd do stupid shit and get in trouble and continue being irresponsible. I wasn't surprised Alice was mad at her, and I don't think that the trouble she faced stemmed solely from her race but rather her irresponsible behaviour (going off-campus when she already knows that's grounds for expulsion and she STILL gets mad when the dean, who decides to let her off, is churlish with her. Seriously?). That said, I am NOT Black, and I can't speak for the quotidian prejudices they face, so take my perception of it with a grain of salt. In any case, Bree changed and this was no longer an issue for me later on.

Nick. And his whole romance with Bree. Like, I really did NOT care. And Nick was pretty much a white boy-damsel in distress the entire story. Every time screen time was devoted to their romance, my eyes would glaze over and I'd start skimming all the kissing and stuff. 

There were a lot of characters. Like, a lot. Too many. My brain was scrambling trying to remember and place everyone in their different roles. And aside from a few (bless William), they didn't have very distinct voices. Greer had, like, ZERO distinctive voice other than being non-binary, which should not be the only thing to define a character. Whitty was… nice, is all? Everyone kinda just melded in my brain, which is probably why none of the character deaths really hit me. 

I'm not a huge fan of Chosen One tropes. But this does play on the trope in a VERY interesting way. 

WHAT I LIKED (!!!!!!!!!!!):

The whole concept of Root and Bloodcraft. I LOVED how the author used magic to convey the colonisation of white men. The idea that Legendborns forcefully TAKE their power, while non-Bloodcraft users only borrow their power, speaks volumes to me. It was such a good way to portray real life.

Also??? The ending twist about Bree????? All along, I was convinced she was secretly the Scion of Lancelot, but I wasn't sure HOW, because all the knights are obviously white. And then the author pulls a fast one on me and she's actually fucking Arthur. The reasoning is so good. I loved how the White Man's own cruelty and their disgusting ownership of Black people led them to this predicament. I think THIS was the part that truly sold me on how terrific and unique this book was.

Characters-wise… William. Like, I adore the fuck out of him. In another world, in an even less conventional book, William would have been the hero for me. He's exactly my type with how calm and confident he was without needing to be overbearing about it. In fact, he was so gentle. (Makes me think of Jem Carstairs, but obviously Jem is THE published blueprint for types like this.)

Sel. Yes, I know I just talked about how I didn't like overbearing characters, and I initially went into this book expecting to hate him, but… :) I thought he was quite justified in his hatred / distrust towards Bree at first, knowing what he knew about how the mesmer and Oaths didn't take. I'll see if my opinion of him changes in the sequel. 

I  really, really liked how for once, King Arthur wasn't depicted as just some hero. He actually seemed almost villainous in this book, especially in the moments when Bree was possessed by him. What happened to her supposedly getting wisdom when she Awakened, though? This man does not sound wise at all. I am intrigued.

I am so glad I read this book. SO GLAD. I was down in the dumps for a bit and finally reading a good fantasy made me feel a thousand times better. I'm a bit nervous reading the sequel because some things often don't live up to their predecessor, so I shall see.

- 28 Feb 2024

hello i am thinking thoughts abt crimson rivers

this is gonna be another essay nobody asked for but this time i'm thinking about crimson rivers specifically + fanfiction wips in general and the ways in which they actively preserve forms of storytelling that are slowly being lost to the meat-grinder of capitalism (buckle up this is gonna be a long one)

okay so this thought started to form the other day when i was talking to my sister about how i think crimson rivers is so cool because it's so much truer to like...the actual message behind the hunger games when compared to the movies. like, the movies essentially became everything the original hunger games critiqued--flattening the characters to focus on a contrived love triangle, obsessed with the spectacle of celebrity, prioritizing financial gain over everything, white-washing characters, and just overall taking the bite out of most of the radical messages behind the story. cause like...let's be honest, it's hard for a hollywood blockbuster to truly threaten the system that creates it.

in comparison, crimson rivers isn't driven by profit. it's being created out of a love for writing + storytelling, and also (at least, based on the impression i've gotten) from a desire to share stories about a diverse cast of characters, unpacking varying forms of trauma + oppression in the process and overall turning a critical eye on entrenched power structures that reflect those in real life, thereby encouraging readers to remain both aware + critical of the systemic oppression surrounding them. and that's just...so much truer to what the hunger games was about.

ANYWAY so i was pondering all that and then i was like y'know it's also such a cool and unique experience to read a story that is currently being written. Like. throughout history, it was much more common for storytelling to be this...journey, where you'd get a magazine or a newspaper or turn on the radio or the tv and there'd be a new installment or episode or chapter or whatever every week (or two weeks, or month, etc etc etc), y'know? like, it used to be so much more common to pick up a story that hadn't been finished yet, and to follow along with the writers as they crafted the story, and to get to experience the process of storytelling with them. even going back before film and radio and written word, think about like. the experience of sitting around a campfire and telling stories or just like oral storytelling traditions. like i have not by any means studied the entire history of storytelling worldwide, but if we think back to our oldest forms of sharing stories, it was about telling and re-telling and tweaking and changing and stories were these fluid things that evolved as they were shared amongst people and communities. and that's!! so!! cool!!

and nowadays i feel like a lot of that tradition has been lost. with the advancement of late stage capitalism--with the advent of streaming services, of entire tv show seasons posted all at once, of books churned out at a rapid pace by these mega-huge corporate publishing houses, it's like more and more there's this expectation created where stories are products for consumption. like. as an audience, we are so used to demanding an entire finished product all at once--we don't want to wait anymore, we don't want to pick up something unfinished, we want it fast and we want it now and it's a product we're buying--we're consumers and we're paying for it and we want to consume it all at once, alone, and then go on to find the next product for consumption. and we are all getting caught in this spiral where media and stories and everything is just....a product. it's not a journey; it's about what's going to make the most money. and that creates this like...cultural deterioration where we're losing so much depth and diversity in our storytelling because all these publishing houses and tv studios and hollywood producers care about is what's going to be palatable to the broadest audience, what's going to make them the most money. and it sucks!! it's soulless and mind-numbing and it fucking sucks.

and when thinking about all that i am just...really amazed by how unique fanfiction is as a form of storytelling. like. it is so unusual these days to find stories that are completely separate from any form of profit, from any sort of product-consumption economy. and because fanfiction isn't concerned with profit, there aren't the same pitfalls with trying to market to the broadest possible audience and in the process censoring and flattening stories to remove the most radical and meaningful messages. in so many ways, fanfiction actively pushes back against consumer culture by fighting to make space for stories that would otherwise go unheard.

and along with that, fanfiction continues to preserve this experience of storytelling as a journey, where you can follow a writer as they tell their story and you can oftentimes even talk to the writer and like build community and just....it's so cool!! and it's so human!!! like i know that there is community surrounding books and finished stories and people will get together and talk about stories they've read but there is something so unique and beautiful about finding community in a story that isn't finished....like i think reading a story that is being written lends itself to finding community in a way that finished works don't, because there's this broad room for imagination. the story's not done, so anything is possible!! and it's not done, so of course you want to find other people to talk about it with!! and it's not done, so it becomes a little piece of your life, and it grows along with you as you read each new chapter. there is something so beautiful and so incredibly human about that.

anyway, i think this all applies to anyone following any wip, but crimson rivers is just so cool to me because i think the popularity it's gotten (aside from showing that zar is just an amazing + talented writer) really illuminates that as humans, we have a desire for this form of storytelling. we want stories as journeys, we want stories that are about finding and sharing community, we want stories that challenge us and engage our imaginations and reflect the pieces of ourselves that we don't see reflected in mainstream media. and i just....idk!! it's so cool!! it's so human!! i'm emotional about it!!

in conclusion @zeppazariel thank u for creating a story that is also a journey and providing a space for community and also writing something that has made me reflect on the cultural storytelling zeitgeist at large this essay has been unknowingly sponsored by u

hey, I loved your response to my martial god yqy ideas... I've been thinking about this poor loser a lot, happy to talk to a fellow yqy stan!!! I have a theory, narratively speaking, (& mb we can talk abt this elsewhere? email? idek, just tumblr asks are a bit weird & I don't log in here a lot), LBH, YQY and Airplane-bro are like some kinda triangle - when LBH pulls the blankie onto himself, the other two are usually helpless. when LBH gets 'healthy', YQY usually gets to be the idiot ex 1/2

2/2 or worse, a creep. SO imagine YQY touches Shen Yuan for the first time and System is like DING, a failed protagonist halo detected! would you like to switch to an alt power source??? by touch I mean the first scene! not sexual touch! so A-Yuan is stuck looking for the lost original goods soul w a budding protag yqy which makes white lotus binghe's halo power off as the story goes on. also turns out YQY and SJ were supposed to be in a whole OTHER story anyway (like Spicy Chicken and co in Magister, who got cut out and inserted later) I hope this is making sense

(When I tell you I scrambled to get this down as soon as possible --)

Shen Yuan doesn't remember a lot from High School. This is, in his humble opinion, a goddamn blessing. Being a teenager is horrible already, but high school? There has never been a more embarrassing time in his life, even while counting that one time his mom came to visit out of nowhere and saw the drying cover of his Luo Binghe body pillow hanging on his laundry line.

So he has repressed most memories, and is perfectly fine with that. Most knowledge wasn't useful anyway.

Looking at the blue screen of the System flickering in and out of view, Shen Yuan wished he had paid a little more in Chinese class.

“What do you mean Yue Qingyuan is a Protagonist?” Shen Yuan hissed under his breath, fighting the urge to slap the System with his fan. “He can't be a Protagonist! There's Binghe already!” And it couldn't be that Binghe didn't have his Halo, why else would the System break that ceiling beam one time with the Skinner Demon?

[Actually, having multiple Protagonists is a time-honoured choice.] The System tries to inform him. [A Dual Protagonist Narrative is when two characters with different goals have their own unique transformation. The characters might not be in direct conflict with one another --]

“I don't care!” Shen Yuan said. “Look at me, not caring in the least.” He was silent for a moment. “Why Yue Qingyuan? He dies in, like, chapter six hundred.”

[Character: 'Yue Qingyuan' dies in chapter 603 of Book: 'Proud Immortal Demon Way.'] The System says. [Character: 'Yue Qingyuan' dies in chapter 3904 of Book: 'The Last Hope of The Mud-Stained Phoenix'.]

At Shen Yuan's disbelieving silence, it adds, almost reticently, [You're the protagonist of your own life. His story doesn't start and end with Character: 'Luo Binghe'.]

“No, it just ends with him,” Shen Yuan says reflexively. “And don't you quote Mob Psycho 100 at me.”

He fidgets with his fan. “Is this — Is this bad? It doesn't hurt him, does it? Not having enough energy? He looked healthy.”

[In Universe-subsets, in lack of a character designated 'Villain' or 'Antagonist', creators latch on to Character: 'Yue Qingyuan'. It is…] A thin balk blinks in and out, like the words are being typed before his eyes, [… Convenient.]

“And the only endings for those are either one of death, physical pain, or of being so pathetic that everyone is content with their current suffering,” Shen Yuan fills in. He tilts his head and frowns. “That sucks.”

He likes Yue Qingyuan. This bleeding heart of a character; Shen Yuan has always taken him to be no-one to be afraid of. How could Shen Yuan not grow fond of him, when he suffered so much and had done so little to deserve it? Tricked by his awful shidi into protecting him, even dying for him while none of that care was recruited…

“What do you expect me to do about it, though?”

[User 002's actions could result in more of the Protagonist Halo being diverted to Character: 'Yue Qingyuan'.]

“Only by being stolen from Binghe.” That didn't sit right with Shen Yuan.

[… If User 002 diverts enough strength from Character: 'Luo Binghe', there might not be enough weight on the narrative to require him to enter Location: 'The Abyss'.]

Shen Yuan lets out a deep breath. “Well, why didn't you say that sooner,” he scolds. Now he had to do it, if only to save Binghe from ever going through that! As long as he made sure Binghe kept enough power to survive any attempts on his life, then surely there would be no harm in this?

* * *

And then he goes on a whole quest to give Yue Qingyuan a satisfying ending, making his story more enjoyable to read so he can attract more fans and through that, more weight on his position as Protagonist. He doesn't know why that has to involve resurrecting Shen Jiu (maybe the story needs a villain? Did Yue Qingyuan secretly resent him? Is that it??) but whoops, now there's necromancy.

I didn't even manage to get into Airplane during all this, sheesh. But holy shit, what a great concept. Luo Binghe hogging the Magical Blanket Of Protagonism.

(And yeah, sure! DM me for my email or Discord, we can take turns screaming over Yue Qingyuan :D)

Happy new year 🎉🎉🎉 for the writer's asks, 🥸 and 💥 please?

Happy New Year indeed! We made it to 2024, friend, and there's no turning back!

🥸 Does anyone in IRL know you write fanfic or original fiction? If not, do you plan on telling anyone this year?

uhhaahahahahahahaha

so

There may have been a conversation just today regarding this.

My friends know I write, and they also know I've written fanfiction. Select people have even read it (only one irl friend has an Ao3 account).

And irl I have a writing group that I've been a part of for a few years, based out of my church. It's super helpful for keeping on track with original fiction, and that is the purpose that I have allocated it. BUT this time last year someone spoke about using writing to deal with grief/trauma, and I was there, white-knuckling my laptop until I got the courage (hubris?) to mention that I'd used fanfiction for that purpose, specifically dealing with my post-natal depression by writing about a cHaRaCtEr lOsInG tHeIr iNnOcEnCe aBoUt wAr (who could she be?) in a long, angst-filled fic. I had to then explain fanfiction so some 60-year-olds who I have a lot of respect for, and then one of them started writing things down and I realised they intended to go onto ao3 to just stroll around and see what this FanFiction thing was so I gave the worst, quickest, most panicked explanation of "oh, please, for the love of all that is good and right in the world use filters if you look for fanfiction of any kind. Do not look unfiltered, my 60-year-old church friend, you are too sweet and lovely and I will not be able to meet your eyes next session."

And there was never any mention of it again.

But today we met together, and I was in conversation with two of the younger members (one who had been away for Uni and so hadn't been since about the time of that incident), and I was asked who the elder person was and did they still attend the group, and had he ever actually made it onto Ao3 and spoken with me about it, and all I could do was dart glances over at my dearly respected elder friend in conversation elsewhere and talk out of my teeth in hopes that he couldn't hear me.

So ... I do tell people I write fanfiction. And I am kind of happy to share it about. But at the same time oh bOY it is still mortifying XD

and

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

Still working on my original stuff at the moment. I recently wrote The Scene I was excited to write, and found it very frustrating that I was obviously missing ingredients, so I'm going back and adding them now. The worst of them is time. I was too rushed T_T

There was a fun bit that I think I'm going to delete. It was meant to be a character growth indicator (the difference between Penny's response in this situation and another response in another situation), but as far as the endgame is concerned, it smacks too much of 'love-triangle' which I don't want.

Thallen ✨

Once again I am behind haha. This is a much more straightforward one. It's a no from me on this one! 1. Why don’t you ship it?

The main reason I don't ship this one is almost entirely because of Eddie as a person, to be honest. He's very sweet, but the man is so vanilla and I honestly don't think they really gave him much of a personality. They knew they were going to kill him off from day one, and I think because of that, they didn't really develop him much beyond "blandly nice, likeable dude." He's... saccharine, is probably the best way I can describe it. Very white picket fence. Don't get me wrong, I like him well enough, but there's a reason that I don't really include him in fics even as a love interest for Iris, and it's mostly because I don't think there's that much substance there and I have a hard time digging deeper into him because they never really gave us a lot to work with. What do we know about Eddie, other than that he's kind and a good boyfriend? Some very brief backstory about him being bullied that never gets explored and only serves to explain why and how he knows how to fight. That's kind of it. I absolutely can and will glom onto a side character with minimal backstory, but there has to be something to hook me in. We got a whole season of Eddie and I feel like he was less developed than some of the random metas of the week that we've had for a single episode.

To be fair, Barry also throws a spanner in the works of this ship for me, because Barry does NOT like Eddie at first, and not in a fun enemies to lovers way where they're sniping at each other and you get that fun banter. Eddie isn't in on it and has no idea that Barry dislikes him, so it feels like punching down. Don't get me wrong, I love all the scenes where Barry is sulking and rolling his eyes and making cheap, bitchy digs about him, because they're really funny---but because Eddie is so cheerful and nice and genuinely has no clue that Barry's being a dick about him being his back, it just ends up making Barry look petty and mean. I mean, he IS, and I love him for it (god i miss bitchy s1 barry and the giant chip on his shoulder) but I don't love that dynamic from a ship perspective.

2. What would have made you like it?

So there are two very different directions they could have taken Thallen that would have made it easier for me to get behind. One would be if they had let Eddie fight back more. Like aside from punching him that one time after he confessed his love for Iris, Eddie doesn't really react or fight or do anything but stew in silence when he realises what's going on behind his back. I think they should have let him be meaner about it, honestly. Make him more flawed and give him a darker side.

Alternatively, I liked the moments of friendship we got between him and Barry and the love triangle could have been more interesting if they'd leaned into that more, imo. Add more conflict with Barry being genuinely torn about knowing that if he does get with Iris, he will be betraying a close friend who he's actually come to care about a lot in his own right... then he starts to care about Eddie in a suspiciously homoerotic way and the audience gets confused about who those longing stares are really aimed at... who's he really pining for? Is it still Iris? Or is he now jealous of both of them 👀 ooh, the drama

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I love this scene. You all know.

HARDER!!

Also I really like the scenes we get after Eddie finds out the big secret, where they're all driving around in Joe's car while Barry catches bad guys and they're all having so much FUN with it, and Eddie is in so much awe of what Barry can do... what a sweetheart. He deserved better :(

I do think they had potential, I just wish they had developed the friendship and the dynamic and Eddie as a character because I feel like I never got a good grip on him as a character, really

Send me a ship and I’ll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

I have a KYM fanart WIP I started before ch4, and I was using my own appearance headcanons in it. My strilondes are Black and non-albino, and in ch4 it’s a point that Rose and Dirk are naturally blonde (iirc it was already mentioned previously? But wasn’t a big point). What would you like me to do about it? Also yeah, humans aren’t known to have purple eyes either lol so they *could* technically be Black, non-albino, and naturally blonde

Also while typing this I realized a grave error I was making. For some reason I’ve always imagined Rose Strider to have purple hair (currently all my Roses have purple hair if the setting allows it; main beta Rose is currently pale lavender though, all the others more dark purple; not much thought, it just happened). But if she isn’t naturally blonde, she should have *bleached* hair. My Dave literally starts out with bleached hair and grows out his natural black hair on the meteor (not as in “natural=good, unnatural=bad”, as in “bleached is Dirk, Dave is not Dirk”).

And now I’m thinking about the “she should just be Dirk” from the note to the first chapter and thinking about making a new Rose Strider design (I did one aaaall the way back in 2017, iirc very close to me just getting into HS, and I still use it. Props to the 2017 me though for realizing very clearly that Rose would still have the triangle shades in 2009!!!), and just, incorporating so much Dirk into it. And thinking through her life and incorporating so much Dirk into it.

And now I’m thinking, for Dave it was fundamental to break out of the Dirkness instilled onto him, what will all that be for Rose, who is *actually much closer to Dirk*?

Oh oh and, since I’m here, I’ll put the things I’ve wanted to write in the ao3 comment here too, as much as it’ll work. I’m *so* fucking emotional over KYM. I found it accidentally (was looking for porn lol) and it has full force pulled me out of my Intermission hyperfixation I was miserable in and reactivated my investment into the Kids. AND THE STYLE. *Cal*. The commands. Screaming screaming screaming screaming.

Oh and. Question. Why is there no Gamzee’s color but both Dirk and Hal with Cal?

I do not think Rose Strider is entirely Dirk though, and I think Dirk raised by Bro would have been different from her too, including afab Dirk. Now I’m interested to think about that….

And the ch4 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I love Rose Strider. I love Rose Strider. I love Rose Strider. I love Rose Strider.

And I love Dave Egbert.

I also remember thinking a lot about SBURB and carapacians wrt the comment I’ve originally planned to write? But now I don’t think those thoughts are actually all that relevant and now I just want to sit and wait and read.

@_@ WHOA WHAT A SWEET ASK thank you!!!! mind blown seein this baby in my inbox today HAHA

god this got long i rly love rambling and i leap at any chance to do it about KYM so HAHHDFJKG

first of all KYM FANART!?!?!?!!! CRIES ACTUAL BLOOD OH THANK YOU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

as for an answer to your question, hmm!!! i'm honestly honored to receive anything so i don't have many answers to that!! especially because my actual race hcs for the strilondes are.... incredibly fluid and they just appear to me as what's fun in that moment HAHADFJG sometimes they're white, sometimes they're mixed and/or white-passing, sometimes they're black, sometimes they're black and albino. i dont think their hair colors are an indication of their race at all, rather it's more just another cue to whatever mutations they received during the cloning process, like, no matter what color their skin comes out as, rose always tends to have white-ish hair while dirk is blond-ish to me.

so ig do whatever you'd like with that info!! it's hard to pick one option with that because i like them all HAHAFJG

(god i do love a lavender-haired rose though 😭 every rose fanart design i see is my favorite idk how people can just decide on one... thankfully for me tho im a writer and thus can just sort of vaguely dance away from ever having to choose LOL)

will say though, YEAH, the way she dresses is very dirk. her hair is styled exactly like dirk's, too. what she wears specifically, though, definitely depends, because.... well, cuz the thing with 'rose is dirk' is that, as you've pointed out (and as i'll go on about later), there's a difference between being dirk and being RAISED by dirk. especially a dirk who is bro. so it is just as likely that rose is wearing an outfit reminiscent to alpha dirk as it is that she's wearing a smaller version of bro's outfit as it is that she's just wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with some generically edgy bullshit on it. bro isn't as adamant to controlling his children's fashion tastes as some of his other things, the question is more... would rose be interested in branching out like that? or would she care more about copying him?

there's also a running joke with my friends that rose strider actually just dresses in playboy outfits all the time because bro is a porn-rotted pervert with a hentai addiction. so sometimes i just imagine her with shades, gelled hair and a sailor fuku. lmfao.

thinking about it, i think it'd be cute if rose had a shirt with just a black circle on it. or some of design based on the ouroboros, hmhmhm... decisions decisions thoughts thoughts...

And now I’m thinking, for Dave it was fundamental to break out of the Dirkness instilled onto him, what will all that be for Rose, who is *actually much closer to Dirk*?

it's fun watching everyone go insane going down the same mental paths i did whilst creating killswitch HAHAHJDFG... INDEED YES!!!!!!! you are absolutely right to say this... what does it mean for rose to go through the dave journey of breaking out of his brother's influence?

so what i'll say is this: KYM functions as a 'pre-canon' fic describing rose strider's backstory. if/when i get to continue on with the killswitch au, i will actually try and write down more of the details of their actual sburb session, where rose does get to go through a lot more of dave's actual plot points. dave starts off idolizing his brother before separation from him leads him to process his emotions about how he was raised. the same will happen for rose when she's in the game 🥰💖

I’m *so* fucking emotional over KYM. I found it accidentally (was looking for porn lol) and it has full force pulled me out of my Intermission hyperfixation I was miserable in and reactivated my investment into the Kids. AND THE STYLE. *Cal*. The commands. Screaming screaming screaming screaming.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUU!!!! that means so much to me 😭 lmfao trying to find porn and accidentally getting obliterated is one of my fave things to experience on ao3. welcome back to loving our darling kids >:3 <3 and thank you for sharing your thoughts and your love!!! it makes it that much easier and that much more exciting to work on updates knowing i have people like you to write for 🥰💖💖💖 if you do get a chance to comment i cant wait to read them~ just the thought is super appreciated wah!

Why is there no Gamzee’s color but both Dirk and Hal with Cal?

a lot of it is just a coincidence from that particular chapter that gamzee's influence isn't seen as much! my approach to lil cal is that he is an imperfect blend of every component he's made up of, and all of those components are souls constantly fighting for control. however, because of the nature of their personalities, some are able to be more in control than others.

'control' can also mean different things: it could mean that they get to control lil cal's dialogue (most of his dialogue is very reminiscent of caliborn), while others get to control what lil cal will focus on in the narrative (lil cal goin on about bro's RIPPLING BICEPS and PECS and how MAAAANLY he is was a reference both to caliborn's alpha male bullshit and also arquius/equius)

only one half of gamzee was sucked into lil cal which i think has done very weird things to how he's been integrated. in some way, this has put his ability to influence lil cal at a big disadvantage, especially when he's up against such huge personalities like caliborn or dirk/hal. i don't think he's as easy to spot and i think considering the nature of gamzee's personality, he's not exactly running to 'speak' or grab for control. he's just chilling. but his influence is there!!! especially when it comes to type of violence bro is encouraged to enact

AKA!!!!!

sometimes the violence that bro enacts is because of caliborn but more times than not it is actually because of gamzee. gamzee intensifies bro's capacity to love and the way that twists into extreme excessive violence. caliborn's violence is aggressive, necessary, quick and blunt, which gamzee's is more random, more encompassing and, most importantly, WAAAAY more sexual. gamzee is the reason why bro is so willing to take and utilize drugs despite the way that contradicts alpha dirk's resistence to them and the reason he is still more than capable of expressing affection towards rose. bro obsessively obsessively Obsessively adores his little sister and this is all because of gamzee's yandere ass and we will see more of that in chapters to come >:3

.... anyway, to actually answer that question: there was no gamzee color there in ch4 because gamzee did not choose (or have the ability) to speak there

I do not think Rose Strider is entirely Dirk though, and I think Dirk raised by Bro would have been different from her too, including afab Dirk. Now I’m interested to think about that….

true!!! she's not >:3 such is the fun of nature vs nurture. rose can never actually be dirk because she's rose. she can also never be dirk because she was not raised in the middle of an ocean or raised in fuckin 80s era texas.

but also she IS dirk because she says she is dirk and because bro/dirk says she is dirk and because she is a dirk who was raised by a dirk (except she's not a dirk raised by a dirk, she's a rose raised by a dirk).

rose strider does not WANT to be rose, she does not want to be her own person (dirk does not want her to be her own person), she can't handle being her own person, she wants to be her brother. she wants to replace her identity with his. that is not psychologically possible which is half of why she's as fucked up as she is HAHA. rose is not a perfect clone of dirk. even clones would develop their own personality. twins can have identical dna and will still have their own personalities. it all depends on the circumstances of their experiences, theres so much that can define what makes up a person and that's really what i'm trying to explore with rose. just a whole bunch of identity fuckery hajfhgdjg

also AFAB DIRK W/ BRO IS DEFINITELY VERY INTERESTING because i think the difference between dirk and the beta strilondes is that when faced with their parental issues, dave assimilates and rose plays along. dave didnt try and resist his training. rose, when under the mindset that her mother wanted to engage in psychological warfare with her, didnt roll her eyes and ignore it and she didnt do a thing to shut it down. she engaged in battle!! she retaliated with her own mind games!! she took her passive aggression and returned it, which is why, to me, rose would take everything bro threw at her and try and return it tenfold.

but dirk hrmrmrmrmmm.... seems more naturally rebellious? and when faced with his own bullshit he argues against it, even while he's lowkey folding under the pressure. i think, in my interpretation of a brodirk plotline, i would use haldirk as an inspiration. constant bickering and arguing and trying to either grab for the upperhand or deflect whatever blows he receives, all while slowly but surely going fucking INSANE under the surface until it EXPLODES.

and like, listen, i feel bad for any strider child of bro's HJKDFGSDFG but i think dirk would hurt me so much cuz he wouldnt rly allow himself to have an outlet (which is relatable to me so uGHGHGH i FEEL ITTT).... i think out of all the strider kids he'd have the worst time with physical self-harm to cope and ugh the worst dysphoria too because of the ways bro would torture him about it (and he would get some of the worst bro torture imo too because at least dave is passive enough to not warrant punishment yknow and at least rose is strongwilled enough to brute force her way through much of the insults she gets. i imagine dirk would be rly weak to bro's verbal abuse and that on top of the physical and sexual shit UGH POOR DIRK POOR ALL OF THEM HONESTLY)

I GOTTA STOP THERE IM NOT TRYNA MAKE NEW AUS HERE LMFAO 🤣😭🤣😭🤣

BUT YEAH IM GLAD YOU LOVE ROSE STRIDER AND DAVE EGBERT THEY ARE MY DARLINGS MY ANGELS MY CHILDREN MY PRIDE!!!!!! i would still love to read your sburb/carapacians thoughts tho if you're ever inclined to share them 🥰 but YEAH

THANK YOU FOR SUCH A GREAT ASK THO AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT it's great hearing from you 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Little ramble about Chapter 14 and the love square

While I prepare myself for tomorrow's memes and gifs out of context👀​. I wanted to ramble a bit about this chapter, in particular about love square or love triangle (some people don't count Petra's crush as part of the romantic deal).

I wanted to do that if you take Erwin's actions and dialogues to a side without the context, they do not appear "mean" or "angry". The bad connotation conversations between Y/N and Erwin have is purely set up by her mood and perspective. I do believe the only thing in common these two have from that relationship is that Y/N look at Erwin doe-eyed saying "how could you do this to me? Do you see how bad I'm doing, it's all your fault" and, it appears, that Erwin actually thinks "this is all my fault". While I didn't write Erwin's perspective from the party, how he describes it at the end is kind of "How could I hurt someone who I care about so much? she looks so much healthy and happy when I'm not around" Which is not a nice mental state, Erwin knows he fucked up but he just doesn't know how to fix it. Every single time he tries to talk to her, she's so defensive and offended that's practically impossible. We see Erwin waving the white flag multiple times or letting her get away with the last word. But at the same time, he can't help it that he loves Marie way more. A funny fact to point out, everybody is saying "Lucky Levi that Erwin is too busy to notice" because I feel like Y/N has always been (in everybody's eyes) Erwin's girl even before dating. And... let's say that Erwin himself has considered that too. What I am trying to say is that Erwin had never had to "worry about securing" Y/N because there was this implicit rule that she was already his. He doesn't expect anyone to persuade her or Y/N to give space to another man because let's be honest 🤷​ Y/N hasn't shown interest in any other man. I feel Levi's position is "easier" somehow, he doesn't have to forget another lover. He's hurt but is not on a romantic level and that's why it's so much easier for him to unconsciously take a decision or position. He has feelings for Y/N and, even if he doesn't truly accept them or understand them, Levi doesn't really have anyone else at the moment he's close. So for Levi, a person who is protective by nature, feels like taking care of Y/n is just what he has to do. Plus, I do believe not only that Levi's love language is acts of service but Levi in his mentality taking care of your girl is basically what a man does (or at least what during the period of time that the fic takes place seems likely). It's like Levi says "Look at me, I'm so much better at taking care, spoiling you and protecting you that he had ever been". Also haha I do feel Levi is secretly extremely possessive; his crush and his crush's ex-boyfriend spending the day together away from him? Nah uh, he had to mark territory even if it's indirect. The coat isn't only nice and tender considering that she's not feeling well, it's also Levi saying "hang offs! she's mine now!" Y/N... oh my poor poor Y/N. She's a mess, from suffering a mental breakdown to having to reconsider her entire morals and upbrings. But also she has her heart divided in two and that conflicts her even further. She's on bad terms with Erwin but she hasn't forgotten him yet which makes Levi's moves even harder for her. I had this thought while writing her:

"She's scared of being the Erwin's for Levi" Basically, she's scared of moving on with Levi but not forgetting Erwin completely and making Levi play her role in the relationship. The role of the person who just has to accept that they love a person who loves someone else more.

However, she starts to realise that her relationship with Erwin was really idyllic, platonic, and apotheosize. It's like "she was in love with the idea that Erwin fit into her childhood ideal of a man" than actually "in love with the real Erwin". Does that make sense? Petra, while I try to do that Petra's comments about Levi are quite accurate, her love for Levi is how Y/N's love for Erwin was. It's not real, it's just crush. She's in love with the idea of Levi, not Levi. Also, Petra as the youngest of the four is the "third wheel" you may say of the group. Nifa and Nana are "more friends" of Y/N than they are of Petra. So it's natural that they favour Y/N. Plus, it's quite obvious that Y/N is losing patience over Petra's crush because guess what? Y/N is deeply insecure about herself recently and, while she's not sure about her feelings for Levi, she feels like anyone is a competition for keeping him (including her friend) even when it's quite obvious that Levi seems to only be fancying Y/N.

I was already side eyeing Chris Hollier when he talked about Isobel having two great options in Kyle and Anatsa (you absolutely cannot compare someone who's been there for Isobel since day 1 even when she was the prime suspect in his sister's murder to a woman we know almost nothing about and who knows almost nothing about Isobel just because you clearly can't shake your white guilt) but now that doesn't even make any sense because the concept of choice never came into play. We labeled this a love triangle but I don't think it qualifies if two people in it are entirely unaware a third person has feelings. Like you said Kyle absolutely deserves to be someone's unequivocal first choice and it's so messed up that this is what we're getting instead. Trevino still has 2 or 3 eps to miss so the writers better get a move on.

Oh god, I forgot he's got to miss episodes! Like, I knew, but I wasn’t calculating it into the number of episodes left to build up Kybel. They’ve burned through nearly HALF of Kyle’s episodes already with Isobel being with Anatsa and fully unaware that he has feelings. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

And you’re right, Kyle has been fighting for Isobel even when he was afraid of the aliens and pissed about what happened with Rosa because he could see she was ALSO scared and wasn’t actively malicious, even when she was acting out. You CANNOT compare that to someone new who knows NOTHING about Isobel beyond the most surface details, and who if given the chance might have outed them all for a story. Isobel said she didn’t think she would, but we don’t get to see that choice being made! And we just saw Anatsa getting a woman drunk and probing her about an ongoing investigation, and lying and sneaking her way into a hospital to talk with victims like...WHERE is the great option between that and Kyle who works himself to the BONE burning the candle at both ends to help others?! Who knows what it’s like to give into fear and let it shape you into someone awful and has actively worked to because a better person every day because he didn’t want to be the kind of person that hurt others anymore. 

And you’re right about this not really being a “triangle” because Isobel doesn’t even know Kyle is an option so she’s not making a “choice” between the two of them! And SHE DIDN’T MAKE THE CHOICE ANYWAY! Anatsa did! She chose to leave and end things because after months of smooth sailing, a couple of “off” days are too much of a “rollercoaster” apparently. 

Kyle deserves to be someone’s first choice (as I talked about here), and Isobel deserves to make a fully informed, eyes wide open, no second guesses choice on who she’s with after everything with Noah. And they both deserve a good love story that we clearly won’t have the time to properly tell. Their narrative tension coming from Isobel being adverse to the idea of alien soulmates because she felt trapped with the Noah of it all, and Kyle showing in every little way that he respects her and her choices and her freedom is SO much more interesting than wasting half their time with her having a long-term girlfriend and then wasting more time with her recovering from her first serious relationship outside Noah before finally getting together with Kyle leaving little room for buildup or development or time to see them being adorable and in a relationship! Or they’ll skip the mourning period or something dumb like that, but no matter what it’s going to be rushed. And neither of them deserved that. 

I just discovered today that love and gelato had a netflix movie remake and I just watched the trailer. for starters I would like to say that disappointed would be an understatement.

first of fucking all, why is everything so wildly different??? I highly doubt that the writer was okay with everything being so different, especially the central storyline of lina learning more about her mother's past and coping with her passing. why is it suddenly just centered around her choosing between ren and thomas?? and they also turned lina into a completely different person. she is not a pre-med student, she is a 16-year-old girl who is athletic and likes to run and loves stratiacella gelato the most. ALSO SHE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK SO WHITE AND TALL SHE IS LITERALLY HALF ITALIAN AND IS SUPPOSED TO BE AS NATURALLY SMALL AND TANNED AS HER ITALIAN FATHER WHO BTW ALSO LOOKS FREAKING WHITE WTF?? AND WHERE TF IS HOWARD AND WHY DID HE GET REPLACED BY SUCH A CLICHE ITALIAN GODMOTHER CHARACTER WTF?? if that was supposed to be francesca, then first of all francesca is fucking FRENCH and second SHE AND LINA NEVER EVEN MEET IN THE BOOK THEY JUST TALKED OVER THE PHONE AND ACCIDENTALLY GAVE LINA IMPORTANT INFO. and if they meant that to be sonia, then she isn't italian either cuz she is white. ALSO WHY DID THEY FUCKING CHANGE THE FLORENCE SETTING like literally they insult the author with that bcs she wrote about the florentine backdrop using her personal experience of living there and therefore she probably holds fond memories for that place. so for them to just decide to change it to a common ass setting is such a low blow like wtf. and where is ren's american mother that likes to paint and complains about being in italy but also loves it??? where are ren and lina's crazy adventures of going to places her mom went?? but I guess what I hate about it the most is how they erased howard's character entirely. lina and her relationship with howard as her stepfather who loved her mother so much and would've gladly raised her as if she was his own since the beginning was one of the best parts of this book ever. he was literally the heart of it, because he helped hadley learn what real love is, and if he hadn't agreed to take lina in, her entire italian summer would've never happened. but he did because he loved her and lina so much as if they were always his family AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THEY JUST ERASED HIM FROM THE PLOTLINE ENTIRELY? LIKE FUCK Y'ALL, HOWARD COULD'VE BEEN ONE OF THE BEST MOVIE DADS OF ALL TIME HE IS LITERALLY THE BEST PERSON EVER AND UGH I WANNA CRY

another thing, why was addie there?? literally one of lina's biggest struggles in the book was having no real friends when she got there and then she just learned to make some along the way. addie was there for her but long distance, and also in my mind's eye I've always pictured addie to be white and taller than lina so why is it lowkey reversed?? and why is she so chonky she literally plays soccer like her life depends on it (it does) and she is just as athletic as lina. and I need to point this out but not once has lina tried to drive a scooter in the book.

man I'm just so sad about this. my favorite book ever finally gets a movie adaptation and they change everything I love about it. no howard, no florence, no sneak peeks into hadley's past with the journal, no teenage athlete lina coping with not only her grief but also adjusting to a new life and dealing with the fact that she is half italian and her father is the biggest asshole in history. also there was never this whole serious love triangle. she had a brief crush on thomas but she always had feelings for ren and ren did for her too and even broke up with mimi for her (where is swedish supermodel mimi btw??). I was thinking of watching it just to see how off the mark they are but now that I think about it, I don't think I could ever stomach how much they changed about it. they turned it into a completely different story and I really really wish they didn't. :(