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starlightshadowsworld · 14 days

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The Fallen King Part 1: Fortune is Unpredictable

Part 2

(Rewritten as of 7th May 2024. In the wake of Beast Dazai's death, Beaat Atsushi steps up to replace him as the next Port Mafia Boss.)

Akutagawa wasn't sure what to say. Words had never been his strongest suite at the best of times. Rashomon usually spoke all the words that needed to be said.

But Akutugawa knew that wasn't exactly the correct option here. Not that Akutugawa wanted to fight anyway.

Not now at least.

The anger buzzing in his skin had faded for the first time in years. It didn't mean Akutugawa wasn't angry, far from it.

But for the first time in years, a path had found him in the darkness to lead him to the light.

As much as Akutugawa wished that path led to Gin, it did not.

His sister had made her feelings clear, and it hurt. Akutugawa wanted to blame the dead man before him. But he could only blame himself.

The dead man's words were ones that should be dismissed as nonsense. It was aggrevating to know the man had been nothing but truthful. ‘I always wanted to know why, why he'd taken Gin… But now I wish I had not.’

This was knowledge that could not be unlearned. It weighed heavily on Akutugawa's shoulders threathing to suffocate him.

“Akutugawa” he looked up suprised. Akutugawa had almost forgot he wasn't alone up here. His… Enemy? Akutugawa wasn't sure who he was to him now.

“There's an exit eastward that will take you a tunnel. You can collect your friends and carry on through it. It'll take you out of headquarters without being spotted.”

Nakajima turned to face him. He hid it well but Akutugawa knew the tell tale sign of greif in his eyes.

Of course, other than anger Akutugawa felt nothing towards the Man in Black's death. ‘But Nakajima must be heart broken’ concluded Akutugawa.

He felt like he should say something. That's what people usually did, right?

But Akutagawa was not familiar with such pleasantries. Especially to his not enemy. ‘I wish Oda was here, he would know what to do.’

Luckily for Akutugawa, Nakajima seemed not to notice his inner turmoil. Relying the directions to Akutugawa who memorised them in a manner Kunikida would be proud of.

“What about…“ Nakajima smiled, it wasn't like Junichiro or Kenji's smiles. Soft and warm, but rather like it was trying to be. It was one of pain, of someone who wasn't quite used to smiling but did so anyway.

It was probably what Akutugawa's smile looked like.

“The cafe, two weeks from today. We can talk than.” Said Nakajima and it sounded like a promise. Akutugawa wasn't sure if he could trust him.

But looking at him now Nakajima didn't resemble the boy he'd fought earlier. But the kind boy from the cafe, except there was no joy in his eyes.

Akutugawa wondered why that long and if Nakajima was trying to prolong the inevitable. Before he realised ‘he needs the time to grieve.’ The Man in Black didn't deserve such tears but greif was werid, so Akutugawa didn't comment.

It would probably shatter any peace they'd made. Akutagawa could practically hear Kunikida's lecture from here.

So instead Akutugawa silently nodded his head and turned to leave. That was before Nakajima piped up again. “I'll speak to Gin.” Akutugawa turned around so fast he made himself dizzy. The shock on his face loud and clear.

Nakajima just smiled, that unpracticed sad one again.

"It's the least I can do” was all Nakajima said and while Akutagawa wanted to question his motives further. He knew he was out of time. So he left without another word.

His sister would leave with him one day, he hoped. But for now Akutugawa needed to find Junichiro and bring them both back home.

_____________________

Atsushi watched the Detective go. He tried to convince himself he was only watching to ensure the others safety. But he knew the real reason was to prolong the inevitable.

The Port Mafia had never been quiet. Even now it couldn't be considered as such. What with the sounds of fighting yet to completly die down and the chaos erupting around.

But none of that reached Atsushi.

He wanted to scream and shout until his throat burned raw. To sob until he ran out of tears, to grieve until he could not physically do so anymore. But as much as he wanted to, Atsushi could not.

‘If you give into the urge to cry Atsushi. It means you have already lost.’ Came Dazai's voice in the air.

It sounded so clear, as if the man was still beside him. Atsushi could imagine his stern expression like he was right here.

But Dazai was gone.

And Atsushi could not cry because Dazai had trained him to hold his emotions inside. To think rationally even when he was falling apart. Atsushi forced himself back into reality.

To hear the shouts and cries of battle from inside.

If he followed Dazai's orders, he would need to run. Atsushi could signal Kyouka from the shadows. She would follow him without question and he'd explain on the way.

‘If I leave, I'll be hunted down for suspicion of killing him. Kyouka will be made an accomplice.'

The thought of that made him feel ill.

Maybe Dazai had put precautions in place to prevent that. He probably had but despite his faith in the Boss, Atsushi couldn't work with what he didn't know.

It hit him that he was alone now. Atsushi could not rely on Dazai's instruction from the shadows like he had in the past. Everything had changed, and that was before examining the information he'd been dropped just now.

‘Focus on what you can right now’ said Dazai's voice once again. ‘The bigger picture is nice and all but the devil is in the details. Deal with what needs to be dealt with first, save the rest for later.’

The first thing was that Atsushi was staying.

It should have been a harder decision to make. Atsushi hated that it wasn't a harder decision to make. That he could disobey Dazai's final instruction so easily.

But the earth didn't crumble under his feet. He wasn't being dragged black, blue and bleeding to the dungeons of the Port Mafia. Dazai wasn't looking down at him, the smirk on his face fading once they were alone.

Atsushi took a deep breath.

He was still outside and Dazai was still dead.

The second thing was finding Dazai's replacement. Not there was anyone who could one could replace him.

He was an enigma, someone the world had never seen before and never would again. But that didn't change the fact another Boss would be needed.

And soon.

Once the world learned the Port Mafia Boss was dead, chaos would ensure. The Port Mafia would be seen as weak, an achilles heel on an otherwise impenetrable armour.

Lowly gangs would try to get out of there grasps. Law enforcement might even try to tread where they once would never dare.

A new leader would need to emerge and show everyone the might of the Port Mafia had not fallen in the slightest.

It made sense to pick from the executives, Dazai himself had been one prior to becoming Boss. Atsushi would never try to persuade Verlaine or Kouyou into the position of Boss.

Kouyou would take the position graciously but the life would drain from her in seconds. Verlaine wouldn't even wait to be given the position, he would vanish in but a moment and lock himself in the basement for the next decade.

And no one would want Ace incharge. He would bankrupt the place and manage to piss everyone off in record time.

Which left Chuuya.

Out of every Chuuya was probably the most capable of becoming the next Boss. And that wasn't only due to him not immediately running for the hills at the prospect.

It made sense, Chuuya Nakahara was the most powerful man in all Yokohama. Soukoku may not have been active like they had been prior to Dazai's promotion. But no one could forget the power they weiled.

Chuuya had always been synonymous with power even before the Port Mafia.

And while Chuuya hid it behind his tough persona, he had a kind heart. He always kept an eye out on Atsushi whenever they were on a mission.

Tossing Atsushi a snack and even dragging him and Kyouka down for dinner. A dinner he would fight tooth and nail to pay.

The entire reason Atsushi could even fight was owed entirely to Chuuya. He was a great executive, he was a natural leader and one everyone would look towards in this time of need.

But Chuuya couldn't become the Boss.

It was supposed to be a secret. But really, everyone knew it and Atsushi knew they were aware of that. He didn't knock on Dazai's office only out of politeness.

Not after the last time he walked in on them. Chuuya couldn't look at Atsushi in the eye for a week. His embarrassment only growing at how shameless and amused Dazai was about the whole thing.

Atsushi was relieved to be dismissed before that could escalate. Since than he had picked up on the smaller signs.

How Dazai always addressed Chuuya like he was the only one in the room.

How Chuuya's annoyance always held an undertone of fondness.

The news would completely and utterly shatter Chuuya. It was a selfish thought but Atsushi wondered if breaking the news to Chuuya was exactly the punishment he deserved for all of this.

To tell him that the man he'd sworn to protect and serve had died. ‘And not just that, but that you couldn't save him.. Not even if you tried.’ Thought Atsushi with a sad sigh.

Chuuya wouldn't be in the mindset able to handle this kind of responsibility, not now. At best he'd cause an all at war. At worst he'd go on a rampage.

And if Chuuya did that no one could stop him.

Atsushi should've gone back to the list, he should've tried to formulate a plan to convince Kouyou or Verlaine. But Atsushi didn't do that. He looked out to the skyline, standing on the edge where his mentor had not long ago had fallen.

“Maybe I always was just your pawn and nothing more.” Said Atsushi, a sense of peace in the storm of his mind. A path had opened up to him in the darkness, pushing him away from the light Dazai had wished for him.

“But you gave me my duty, my purpose. And I can't abandon it to do what seems easy.”

Atsushi was loyal to Dazai above all else. But he was loyal to Kyouka, to Kouyou and Chuuya and the Black Lizards. Atsushi's loyalty and devotion encompassed the Port Mafia itself.

Atsushi should turn away and walk into the light, but he couldn't. If Atsushi left he would be abandoning them all to save himself. Kyouka would follow him like Dazai had ordered but Atsushi couldn't ask that of her.

“You always said, if you want to do something right.. You need to do it yourself.” Atsushi chuckled but it hurt. Somehow that thought didn't scare him nearly as much as it should.

Though Atsushi wasn't feeling much of anything right now. It was werid to think of himself as qualified for the position. Someone who was only good for killing and nothing more.

But he is, he was Dazai's apprentice. Atsushi knew the inner workings of the Port Mafia like the back of his hand. Even if he hadn't been directly involved in its operations he held his own standing.

"I know you want me to leave, but I hope you accept that I won't." Said Atsushi, knowing he'd get no response. "You can punish me for my disobedience the day we meet each other again."

Atsushi dropped to his knee, almost teetering off the edge. He lowered his head for the last time. Letting a single tear fall down his cheek.

“Thank you for everything, Boss.”

He held the position for a moment before getting to his feet. Without another word, Atsushi turned and walked away. The tear was wiped and his features schooled to a neutral expression.

The doors shut behind him and Atsushi instantly began looking for Kyouka. She found him first, immediately heading to his side. Words were not needed between them as Kyouka studied his expression.

The way one would a work of art. Kyouka's eyes widened but a fraction, she nodded softly and gently patted his arm in comfort.

Atsushi almost felt his resolve crumble than and there. But he couldn't afford that, not before he had even begun. "I need to call a meeting. I'll catch you up later" Said Atsushi after a moment.

Luckily for Kyouka understood "go, I'll be with the clean up crew." They exchanged one last look before going their seperate paths.

With practiced ease, Atsushi stealthily maneuvered through the chaos and into Dazai's office. It looked exactly like Dazai had left it. Atsushi felt werid being inside of it without Dazai present.

He tried not to think about how that was something he'd need to get used to.

Atsushi reached over and pressed a button on Dazai's desk. It was a peculiar one, one that would send a message to all the executives phones. Dazai had it fitter so he could easily summon them all for a meeting.

Or configure to only call Chuuya and annoy him with repeated summons late at night. The reminder of that made Atsushi sigh, waiting for the arrivals like one would an execution. ‘Well at least if I'm killed for treason, I won't need to worry anymore.’ He thought darkly.

Dread pooled in the pit of his stomach but Atsushi had made his vow. He wouldn't shy away from it nor would be back down. This was the first step, clearing the air and getting everyone on the same page.

The news of Dazai's death would spread like wildfire if unattended.

The narrative needed to be addressed properly and be controlled by Atsushi.

No one could ever know the truth of what happened. It would have to be enough but not all. Otherwise than Atsushi had failed them all before he had begun.

Before Atsushi knew it the executives began pouring into the room. And because Atsushi's luck was truly the worst, Chuuya was the first to arrive. Confusion flickered in his eyes before rolling his eyes, fondly.

“I see the Boss is late” he mused.

Atsushi simply nodded with a sheepish smile. “Something like that… I'll explain when everyone shows up.” Chuuya frowned, looking at Atsushi with concern that made him want to scream. He looked away, like the coward he was but Chuuya didn't push.

He simply shrugged, putting his feet up and relaxing into his chair. His chair which was directly infront of the one Dazai always took.

Next were Kouyou and Verlaine, the two of them bickering as usual. This time over some fancy wine and whether it was truly worth the price.

Chuuya grinned at the sight of his siblings and instantly began chiming in. Solidly stating his agreement with Kouyou.

Was it because he actually agreed, or because he wanted to piss off his brother?

Who knows.

In any other situation Atsushi would find this a lot more amusing. Somehow Verlaine and Kouyou always had a debate and an argument. And when Chuuya got involved he'd only spark the flames on contest in them both.

Sometimes Dazai would just derail the meeting to listen in.

Verlaine shot him a questioning look identical to the one his brother had. But luckily he was quickly roped into his siblings debate to say anything. Ace was last like he always was.

The debate was dropped instantly, with everyone berating him.

Karma, Ace’s subordinate and essentially his protege, apologised for both of their lateness like the sweet boy he was. It did the trick because no one could stay mad at Karma.

“Hey, kid” called Chuuya, getting everyone's attention onto Atsushi. “You said you had something to tell, regarding the Boss.” It sounded like a request but Atsushi knew it was an order.

Chuuya rarely ever pulled the superior card over Atsushi outside of the field. But when it concerned Dazai, Chuuya made it very clear he was the Boss’s second in command.

All eyes were on Atsushi now.

Anxiety threatened to overwhelm him but none of it showed on Atsushi's face. He could do this because he had to do this.

‘You need to grab their attention kid. They'll be pissed and let em be, but don't let them move you. You've gotta lay your plan and get moving.’

It was werid to call upon advice from Chuuya in this situation. But it would have to do.

'Well, I've got their attention' thought Atsushi, he gestured for Karma to do the checks. And while confused Karma nodded and did so, making sure the entrances were secure and the room wasn't bugged.

Something that was usually Atsushi's job.

And something the others noticed. Atsushi walked from behind the desk to the head of the table. Standing behind Dazai's seat as he usually would. But this was no ordinary meeting and everyone knew it.

Atsushi eyed them all, the room dropping to a pin drop silence.

"The Boss is dead."

#The Fallen King #bsd beast #beast akutagawa #beast atsushi #bungou stray dogs beast

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icnclsm · 7 months

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oh, atsushi sakurai's death is finally really hitting me... his music, his energy, liveliness and goofiness and sluttiness (lol) has been an inspiration to me through the darkest period of my life so far, which i am still wading through. i've already witnessed so much death, and his lyricism was a deep comfort to me. now i turn to buck-tick again to comfort me while we grieve for sakurai, yagami, hoshino, hisashi, and higuchi, and all of their families and friends.

god, i miss him.

#atsushi sakurai #buck-tick #mal doesn't have a tag

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noose-lion · 1 year

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Bsd Pacific Rim au

Skk used to be co-pilots, Dazai being one of the only people who can drift with Chuuya. Dazai has high drift compatibility, but extreme trust issues. Before Chuuya, he would often fail to drift with anyone the higher ups tried to partner him with, to the point his partner's were taking damage.

A bad kaiju attack happened and he had to pilot a Jaegar with Oda, Chuuya was away and Ango (Oda's partner) was missing and no one could find him. During the fight, Dazai chased a rabbit, messing up the drift and Oda died when the kaiju destroyed his half of the Jaeger.

Dazai lashes out at Ango for being gone, partly blaming him for Oda's death. Ango never tells him why he was gone or where. (It was Mori, he had gotten an early message of the attack. Had created a dilemma from the higher ups requiring Ango. He knew Chuuya was gone, and Oda and Dazai were the only pilots left on base.)

Chuuya had been off base to be with Albatross who was in critical condition. (The Flags have died, Albatross the only survivor.) He couldn't make it back to base in time to go with Dazai. He does get back, but only in time to watch the events unfold from the control room, and basically believes he just watched his partner die right after he lost his friends.

After hes pulled from the wreckage of the fight, Dazai goes into a severe depression. Chuuya is dealing with his own grief at the loss of his friends, and the two are quite cruel to eachother. Neither gets time to grieve and the next mission soukoku goes on almost kills them both.

After soukoku nearly dies, Dazaj refuses to drift with anyone alse, or ever pilot again. The higher ups keep him around to train new recruits and practice drift equipment on. Chuuya starts piloting a Jaegar with Albatross.

The higher ups give Dazai an order to create another strong Jaegar partnership in order to prove himself useful. His apprentice Akutagawa shows promise, and simply needs a partner. Enter Atsushi, a new recruit fresh into the program.

#i want to write a fic so bad for this #ahhj #pacific rim my beloved #pacific rim #bsd pacific rim au #bsd au #my stuff #screaming into the void #and the void screams back #bsd #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #bungou gay dogs #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd chuuya #nakahara chuuya #chuuya x dazai #jester thinks

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littleholmes · 2 years

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Dazai can’t even let himself admit that he had good times with Chuuya without activating his defense mechanism and playing it off so he can continue hiding his emotions and detaching himself from people. It’s times like these that I think about how much being alone at a young age, then under Mori’s guidance and in the Port Mafia, and finally losing Odasaku really shaped Dazai and how he navigates relationships while trying to protect himself from being emotionally hurt.

He doesn’t allow himself the vulnerability because it could very well mean life or death and be used against him, and that…that makes me sad because while he’s still in situations where being vulnerable could leave him and those he cares about, well, vulnerable, Dazai could probably afford to admit to having attachments—whether it’s Chuuya or Atsushi, or the crew at the Agency—and everything could be okay. But somewhere inside him, he’s still putting up walls because he’s been hurt and those he cares about have been in danger and he doesn’t want it to happen again—rather, he doesn’t want to allow himself to be in a place where he’s grieving someone he called a “friend” again.

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annie-blackhill · 3 years

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Helloo i hope that the request area is here. I saw that the inbox is opened so is it possible to ask for headcanons with adadazai who's got a crush on thing girl in the ada, she seems to be really open minded and kind towards people but lost her lover in the war? Eventually she falls for Dasani too. Hope it wasn't too complicated, have a nice day❤️❤️❤️

Request #5

Thank you so much for requesting! And sorry for the late answer!

Since, I'm not a manga reader, and only watched the anime, I do not know in depth about the war, the requester has requested, so I'll be changing it to the Dead Apple movie conflict (she lost her lover in the conflict).

(And, yes, I've already talked with the requester about this, the requester has agreed with the changes, so, please no hate)

____________________________________

Warnings:

Minor character death (Y/N's lover)

Blood

Depression

Mentions of self-harm

____________________________________

Dazai Osamu

Kindhearted girl at the ADA who lost her lover in the Dead Apple conflict

____________________________________

Dazai had always been captivated by her

Her eyes gorgeous

Her voice sweet and always soft

She was always kind, Dazai held great respect for her being able to put up with Ranpo-san's temper tantrum once, because Atsushi bought the wrong type of sweets for him

But she has a lover

Well, after the battle, its now had

She had a lover

Dazai remembers meeting her lover before, he was kind, sweet, funny, polite, everything that matched her

It made him feel inferior to be in the same room as him

He was way better for her than Dazai will ever manage to be

But somehow, the other had taken a liking to Dazai and became friends with him

He had been an ability user

A minor ability, not really strong but could kill if not used properly

His own ability had killed him

Dazai's little crush managed to get her ability back and she found the corpse of her lover, slain by his own ability

Dazai remembers embracing the broken woman in his arms, silent, letting her grieve, her lover's blood stained her clothes, hands and arms

Dazai noticed her falling into a pit of depression, he helped her

He pushed aside his crush and helped her heal

Made sure she didn't hurt herself

Made sure she took care of herself

And eventually, she learned to move on

She frequented her lover's grave more, with small nostalgic smiles and murmurs of retellings of how her day had went

And soon, she was visiting his grave everyday

And some days, she'd drag Dazai along too

Although, Dazai could not really call, her lover and him, close friends, they were good friends, nonetheless, they had shared laughs, smiles and even inside jokes about the other ADA members, that Dazai had told him

Dazai was happy that she was healing now

Oh, how it shocked him when she presented him with flowers and asked him to go on a date with her, right in front of her lover's grave

"He'd want me to move on, Dazai-san. And I know, that'd be happy, if I were to move on, with someone that he trusts and was good friends with,"

she had said

Dazai's poor fragile heart was at risk of combusting

His face blushed a deep red

As he stared wide eyed at the woman before him

He had not predicted this

But he should have, if Ranpo-san's sly smiles and discreet winks to him whenever he exited or entered the ADA office with her were anything to trust

And of they were, since when was Ranpo-san ever wrong?

Dazai had just decided to never consider this possibility before

So, he managed out a stuttered "yes"

And they started dating

Dazai and her would frequent her old lover's grave together, re-telling how their days went

It was nice, he decided in the end

When she discovered, that indeed, he was suffering from depression and an array of other mental illnesses, she tried her best to help him

She didn't judge him at all

And slowly but surely they both healed

And truly, love does heal a broken person, broken soul, and broken heart

____________________________________

I really hope that wasn't too OOC.... I tried my best to make it acceptable. I made sure to not make it seem like she moved on too quickly, so I had to try and remember some elements and small details from Given and how Mafuyu was with Uenoyama.

I really hope did this well. Thank you again for the request. It really gave me a chance to experiment with a new concept and trope!

REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!!!

#dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #dazaibsd #dazai oneshot #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai x you #dazai x reader #bungou stray dogs dazai #headcannons #dazai san #dazai headcanons #dazai #osamu dazai #dazai x reader fluff #dazai fluff

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hamliet · 3 years

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Penny and Death in Fiction

Musings more so than meta, brought to you by frequently receiving asks accusing me of hypocrisy for having different opinions on characters dying in different stories, and as a way of me working out why I feel very, very differently from most of the RWBY fandom about Penny’s death. Obviously this is not to say people can’t have their own feelings or disagree (clearly the majority do disagree) but these are just my thoughts based on how I read death in fiction and the themes/set up or RWBY in particular.

"Anyone can die" and "redemptive death" and "sacrificial death" are overused tropes for sure. But that doesn't mean they never work or never fit. They just are often used as cheap ways to hook an audience (instead of relying on the substance of the story) and/or avoid difficult questions in a story that would demand exploration (like what happens to the mass murderer after redemption?). The oversaturation, and frankly, misuse, of these death tropes almost seems to have led to a sort-of knee-jerk reaction in fandom in the other direction, where death can’t happen at all or it’s bad writing, and I just... I don’t agree.

A story doesn’t need to avoid the topic of death to be hopeful. In fact, to many of us, it’s comforting to see grief on screen and to be encouraged to grieve.

SnK’s main theme is “the world is cruel, but the world is also beautiful.” We see that death is one of the cruelest parts of the world from the very first chapter, with Carla’s death. And yet, we’re shown that risking lives for a greater cause--the Survey Corps in the opening pages--is a part of that beauty. So, while SnK is sometimes very critical of self-sacrifice (Armin, Reiner, and Historia are all suicidal and looking for a hero’s death as a way out), it isn’t always. There’s nuance. Erwin’s and Porco’s and Zeke’s deaths, for example, are framed as moments of heroism because of the desperate circumstances. The circumstances are cruel, but within a cruel world, they were capable of beautiful choices because choice is in some ways all we’re guaranteed; we can’t choose our circumstances. The reason Eren was never going to survive SnK after this turn was because he acted against the main theme, against the concept of choice, removing it for many people, and against the concept of being born into the world being enough to give life value.

BSD is my favorite and probably the most flagrant about redemption and not killing its characters (any main ones so far). But it makes sense when you look at what the theme is--it’s specifically about looking for a reason to live. However, BSD doesn’t avoid death either: all of its characters’ backstories are steeped in death (most are orphans, Oda, Atsushi’s headmaster, etc), and Dazai’s suicidal ideation forces the characters to confront the helplessness of grief and pain without actually killing characters. Our main characters probably won’t die--they’ll find a reason to live--but they still have to deal with death around them, and learn to grieve when appropriate. Death, the high cost of living.

Tokyo Ghoul was probably the most blatantly critical of self-sacrifice, exploring the ways self-sacrifice hurts those around you and was often just a desperate attempt to find a place in the world and assert you matter via a glorious sacrifice. Thus, its main message was “it may not be stylish, but... live.” But even so, characters died all the time in TG and TGre. Grief and learning to carry on in a brutal world where some types of people (ghouls) were forced to kill were major presences in the story. In fact, it seemed to suggest living was a valuable enough premise itself that to keep living even in the face of impending death was beautiful.

BNHA’s main theme is “heroes save.” BNHA has established someone dying as distinctly not saving them (see: the Ending fight, where our MCs literally say that they won’t let anyone die); hence, it doesn’t make sense for the heroes to “save” the villains only to have them die. If you’re gonna reward your MCs for upholding the main theme (you should), they should have their decision matter.

Tonally, RWBY is most similar to BNHA in that they are both fundamentally hopeful, optimistic stories. However, RWBY and BNHA frame death differently because of their particular themes and storylines.BNHA’s premise is based in superhero genre, where death is usually meaningless; RWBY’s is in fairy tales and alchemy--both of which have death as a central tenet. Yes, fairy tales, while we think of them as being very kid-friendly, almost always include an aspect of death and/or loss. RWBY frames death as part of life, BNHA frames death as something that villains utilize to hurt and thus needs to be stopped. For RWBY accepting death is literally the main conflict (Salem's motivation is her inability to do this!) while BNHA saving people from being hurt is the main conflict.

I’ve seen so many takes that RWBY is critical of self-sacrifice, and it is just... not. It doesn’t glorify it, but it doesn’t deconstruct it either. Pyrrha’s death is not a sacrifice; she’s not trying to gain time. She’s just trying to do the right thing for herself, to be the hero she knew she was. Her death is somewhat pyrrhic, yes, because everything still collapses, but Pyrrha’s life--of which her death is a part, not the end--is far from futile. The scene with Pyrrha’s mother at the statue of her shows that Pyrrha’s heroic legacy, her determination to do all she could to stop Cinder even when she knew it was hopeless to stop her--that helps Pyrrha to live beyond her death. I mean, RWBYJNROE are facing the possibility of never being able to defeat Salem, but they’re still fighting, just like Pyrrha.

As for actual sacrifices in the story, Hazel’s death saves the kids. Vine’s saves his friends. Penny’s saves her people for now, but it doesn't immediately solve the conflicts either. Thus, it doesn’t glorify her death or hold death up as a worthy goal, but it does respect her choice and does not frame it as a bad or futile thing (if it was a bad thing, she wouldn’t have saved everyone even if temporarily).

Penny wanted to be a human being; that was her greatest wish, even with the guarantee of eventual death and no guarantee of tomorrow. She always was human, of course, but she wanted to be human in all senses, including the physical as well as the spiritual (which she always was).

Is her resulting death a negative framing of that choice? No, I don’t think so. In RWBY, death is not punishment. Grief is not a punishment. Death is a part of life, and learning to live with death (grief) is essential to a peaceful, healthy world. We see what happens when people cannot accept death and grieve (Hazel and Salem).

Penny’s whole thing was that her choices weren’t respected. She was constantly objectified. Yet choice is a fundamental part of being human, and the repercussions of our choices are a part of that. She wanted to choose. Like with SnK, sometimes all we have is choice in RWBY. It’s one of the gifts of the gods, after all. All they can do is choose to keep fighting, keep trying in a broken world.

Yes, I do think it’s a bit of a valid criticism to have had Penny suicidal a few episodes ago, but she was not suicidal in the moment of her death. She wasn’t hoping to die. She had gotten everything she wanted; she could not be controlled anymore, not in the way she had been. She was giving it her all against Cinder to save her friends and her people; if Cinder hadn’t shown up, she would have just gone to Vacuo. Her final choice was to decide what to do with her power, sometime Cinder could not take from her. And like Pyrrha, she will continue to live on in those she loved--in Winter via the powers, and in spirit with her friends and their memories.

Penny’s death is not a negative thing, but bringing her back against her wishes would be.

#musings #penny polendina #rwby #snk #bsd #bnha #tg

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crimsonrose-monika · 3 years

Text

[Tokyo Revengers Fanfic] By Your Side, Always

If you prefer AO3 format, here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33160153

Title: By Your Side, Always

Pairing: Mikey & Takemitchy, Implied Mikey / Takemitchy, Takemichi / Hinata, Open to interpretation.

Tags: Manila Future Timeline Mikey, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Tenjiku Arc, Mikey Needs a Hug, Song-Inspired Fanfic

Synopsis:

If Toman had gone bad, again and again, then it meant that Mikey’s heart had been corrupted, again and again. No one could reach Mikey. Takemichi could. He was by Mikey’s side, so why?

Only that he wasn’t. Takemichi wasn’t by Mikey’s side.

Realization slammed into him, fast and so unexpected that it almost knocked the breath out of his lungs.

Witnessing the dark future that awaited Mikey and the rest of Toman, Takemichi took a leap. He desperately wanted to save the invincible Mikey from himself. This time, he decided to stay.

This fanfic is inspired by a song 歩いていこう by いきものがかり. Parts of the song was inserted in the story. I translated the song and polish the translation myself to fit the English phrasing. (Putting my rusty Japanese to work here.) Feel free to listen while reading.

youtube

By Your Side, Always

“All my life, I’ve been suffering.” Mikey whispered, tears pooling in his eyes, but he smiled, as if his death was the best outcome he could ever wish for.

Takemichi felt his heart smashed into pieces as he watched life rapidly seeping out of his dear friend. Tears didn’t suit Mikey. A smile did, but not like this. Not the small tilt of his lips that amplified the crushed hope that lurked behind his deep, dark eyes. The best smile for Mikey was the full, satisfied one that smoothed the cease of his brows and made him shine brighter than anyone.

Without thinking, words rushed from Takemichi’s mouth. He didn’t care that he had been trying his hardest to not reveal his ability to anyone. He didn’t care what side effects admitting to time leap could cause. All he could think of was Mikey’s resignation. He wanted to erase that look from his eyes. He was to give this man hope.

What could have happened that made the invincible Mikey, who had faced down an overwhelmingly outnumbered fight with his back straight and his shoulders squared, felt like his death was the only happiness?

“Thanks, Takemitchy. Your words comforted me.” Mikey’s voice was calm. He stared up at the man whose eyes reminded him of sunlight hitting the sea surface, committing them to his last memory. Takemichi was crying again, ever the crybaby. Even when Mikey had held him at gunpoint, Takemichi still cried for him. “Even if you’re telling me lies...I’m happy.”

Blood from his head wound flowed into his eyes, but Mikey paid it no mind. In his last moment, he wanted to treasure the last member of Toman who didn’t lose their life by Mikey’s hands.

Takemichi’s tears fell onto Mikey’s shoulder blade. As his body slowly lost its heat, the warmth of Takemichi’s touch became clear. How long had it been since he had felt another person’s gentle heat on his skin? When was the last time Mikey had any kind of physical contact that lasted for more than a few seconds that it took his feet and fists to take down opponents? He had forgotten what it felt like to be close to someone.

“Your hands are so warm.”

Mikey’s eyes clouded over. All awareness escaped him as his breathing slowed to a stop. Feeling like the battered floor under his knees gave away, Takemichi brought Mikey close. As light shone through the time-worn holes in the ceiling, illuminating Mikey’s lifeless form like a silent eulogy, Takemichi’s memory of the man played behind his eyes.

“From now on, you’re my bitch!” Mikey had confidently declared the first time they had met, after he and Draken defeated Kiyomasa with ease.

“I’m going to create an era for delinquents,” Mikey had proclaimed his dream with determination alight in his eyes. At that moment, Mikey had stood with his feet planted firmly, ready for anything the world would throw his way.

“Boo!” In the bath house, after the fight with Mobius’ remnants at the festival, Mikey had smiled widely and played like a kid.

“You’re strong, Takemitchy,” Mikey, who was stronger than anyone, had acknowledged his respect for the crybaby.

Reliving the memories of Mikey brought a different kind of resolution to Takemichi. He clenched his fist to steel himself and plunged into the stream of time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Takemichi hated funerals. As an adult, he understood that death was an inevitable state of humans. But recently, he had attended too many funerals—had seen too many deaths—in all timelines.

Hinata, Atsushi, Baji, Mitsuya, Mikey, Emma, Izana, and even Kisaki, whose death Takemichi had thought wouldn’t make him feel anything. How wrong he was.

Why did people keep dying despite his best effort?

During the entirety of Emma’s funeral, Mikey didn’t cry. He stared at Emma’s portrait, where she laughed brightly without a care in the world, lost in his own thoughts. Sometimes Takemichi caught a glimpse of silent despair and anguish that he had seen swirling behind the future Mikey’s eyes.

It scared him.

Emma’s death wasn’t the trigger to Mikey’s darkness, Takemichi knew, because the leader of Toman was strong. Mikey would be sad. He would grieve, he would see the world crumbling to dust before him, and he would be lost, but he would come back. Just like he had come back to face Izana with a heart that was still bleeding, ready to love another brother despite the fresh pain that was etched into his soul.

But even the strongest man could fall once the loss of his precious people piled up in such a short time. In the span of Mikey’s teenage life, he had lost three out of four family members and half of the starting members of Toman, all of them sudden, without time to prepare or make peace. Some people would come back—Pah-chin and Kazutora—but the rest were gone forever.

Even to Takemichi, a somewhat outsider-turned-friend—because they were all his friends, but he would never compare his care for them to Mikey’s—who took in the situation with great shock that clung to every fiber of his body, Mikey’s life was like a cruel, heartless joke.

How could a person experience so much pain so young?

It was already a miracle that Mikey retained his sense of self this long.

After the funeral, Takemichi walked with Hinata, but they couldn’t seem to go anywhere. In the end, they continued walking mindlessly across the town. He registered the same store that they had walked past twice before, but he couldn’t bring himself to think. Hinata didn’t say anything either. She walked beside him wordlessly, offering her presence to Takemichi’s fleeting awareness.

They stopped at an empty park, where they sat on the swings as silence stretched. The sky already turned dark when Takemichi spoke.

“I couldn’t change Emma’s death. I was right there, but I still couldn’t do anything.”

Hinata listened intently, like she always did. Takemichi could feel her patient gaze on the side of his face even as he stared down at his hands that clasped together on his lap.

“In the future, Mikey-kun lost himself. After Emma died, Mikey-kun fell into darkness. He told me that he’d been suffering all his life.” Takemichi’s voice shook at the end as he remembered the future Mikey’s existence that screamed out to him in misery, begging him to put his own life to an end. “I knew all that, but I still failed.”

His breath stuttered as the beginning of a sob formed behind his throat. His eyes were hot.

At this rate, Mikey is going to end up the same. Toman members would all die. Nothing would change.

“I’m tired, Hina-chan. I’m tired of going back to find out that it is another bad future once again. They deserve to be happy, but the world keeps throwing pain at them. It’s not fair.”

Even as he blabbered on, Takemichi berated himself for talking like a child. It wasn’t fair? The world was never fair, but it was being particularly cruel to all his loved ones.

Takemichi roughly wiped his tears with the sleeves of his shirt.

He had been thinking. He had been changing the past. He had prevented Draken’s death that would change Mikey, but then Hinata and Atsushi died. Draken was on a death row. He had conveyed Baji’s intention to Mikey and stopped him from killing Kazutora, but Hinata and Chifuyu still died. Even worse, it was him who ordered her death. Then, he made sure that Hakkai didn’t join Black Dragons. It should have been the best future yet, but everyone died, and Mikey was living a life he would rather not have.

No matter how many times Takemichi changed the past, there still wasn’t a single future where everyone was happy. In the face of repeated failures, he started to think that maybe he had been looking at it from the wrong point of view.

When he was lost in his head, Hinata spoke up for the first time.

“Takemichi-kun, what do you think you are to Mikey-kun?”

What a strange question.

Takemichi lifted his head and looked at his girlfriend. Hinata smiled at him even though her eyes were red from crying at Emma’s funeral. She had grown quite close to Mikey’s sister.

When he didn’t say anything, she looked away and spoke what had been on her mind. “Hina might not know the people from Toman as well as Takemichi-kun, but Hina has been watching when you’re with them. Mikey-kun cares about you. There are many times when you said ridiculous things, Takemichi-kun, but he listened to you.”

Hinata started pushing her feet into the ground, propelling herself gently back and forth on the swing absentmindedly as she organized her thoughts. When she spoke next, she seemed like she knew something about Mikey that Takemichi didn’t. Her big round eyes looked straight ahead, away from Takemichi, but her voice made its way into his heart.

“Your voice reached Mikey-kun, again and again. You brought him back. You mean more to Mikey-kun than you think, Takemichi-kun. Maybe there is something you can say to him that will remind him to not give in to his darkness?”

Takemichi remembered. When he had said that he would become Toman’s top member to Mikey’s face, he was serious and determined. But deep down, he knew how ridiculous it had sounded. If it had been anyone else, Takemichi would surely get a jeer in the face. He wasn’t good at fighting. He got more punches in his face than he had landed. Anyone would have thought that he was a pushover.

But not Mikey. He had taken Takemichi’s words seriously and never once laughed at him for aiming high. The invincible Mikey had said that Takemichi was stronger even though Mikey could defeat him with one kick. Every time that Mikey almost lost himself in grief and impulse, Takemichi’s sincere words brought him back to sense.

If Toman had gone bad, again and again, then it meant that Mikey’s heart had been corrupted, again and again. No one could reach Mikey. Takemichi could. He was by Mikey’s side, so why?

Only that he wasn’t. Takemichi wasn’t by Mikey’s side.

Realization slammed into him, fast and so unexpected that it almost knocked the breath out of his lungs.

“Could it be that no matter what I did, Toman still went bad because I wasn’t there?”

When Takemichi jumped back to the future, what was left in this timeline was the young Takemichi who didn’t intimately know Mikey’s suffering. He didn’t want to admit the cowardice of his younger self, ashamed at how weak he had been until Hinata’s death in the first timeline had opened his eyes, but the young Takemichi wouldn’t be able to scold Mikey like he had been asked to. Only the future Takemichi could, but he wasn’t here when Mikey needed him.

That must be why. There was no one to pull Mikey back from the brink because Takemichi who could wasn’t there with him.

If that was true, then he could just stay to make sure that Mikey wouldn’t go down the wrong path. He would act as Mikey’s moral pillar, like he had been asked to after the fight on Christmas Day. That way, instead of jumping back to find that one or all of his friends met their premature ends, he could be with them and make sure that they were okay.

When Hinata tore her eyes from the park to look back at Takemichi’s face, she knew that her boyfriend had come to some form of conclusion. She wasn’t sure what that decision was, but she knew him. Takemichi was the crybaby hero. His determination to protect was more fierce than anyone. So she waited.

“Hina-chan, this time, I’m not going back to the future.”

Hinata wouldn’t say that what she heard was anything she had expected, but at the same time, now that it was said out loud, it was the most Takemichi-like answer.

“Will it be okay not to go back?” She asked, a little worried about what would happen to the body of the future Takemichi if his consciousness was here. Takemichi had told her that he came from the future to fix things and go back when whatever he was here for was corrected, but he didn’t go into how the time leap worked.

“It should be fine,” Takemichi replied. He seemed a little unsure as he spoke, but then he pressed his lips together and held his head up high. His blue eyes that were illuminated under the street light shone brightly. “When I’m here, my body in the future was on autopilot. Even if something happens, I’m still alive here. I can continue to make changes so that nothing bad will happen to any of us in the future.”

“Is that how it works?”

“I’m not sure, but I think it is my best option.”

Hinata watched Takemichi in silence. Time passed, and Takemichi was starting to think that maybe he got something wrong and Hinata didn’t agree when she nodded to herself and gave him a sparkling smile.

“Hina will support Takemichi-kun no matter what you choose,” she said with finality, as if it had been predetermined.

Takemichi felt incredibly lucky to have Tachibana Hinata, a girl whose heart was unmovable and understanding, in his life. “Thank you, Hina-chan.”

“Also, please work out your feelings.” At that very moment, Hinata looked like someone who held the secret of the world. She seemed to know Takemichi better than he knew himself. “Hina will be waiting okay?”

Again, Hinata said a cryptic message that Takemichi didn’t quite understand. But he nodded.

歩いていこう歩いていこう

Let’s walk forward. Let’s walk forward.

僕は「今」を生きていくよ

I will continue to live in the “present.”

君がくれた言葉はここにあるよ

The words that you told me are right here with me.

そうだよ歩いていこう

Yes, let’s walk forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, Mikey called Takemichi to meet at the Musashi Shrine. He told Takemichi to wear his Toman black uniform, which Takemichi easily complied. March temperature had warmed up a bit from the freezing February, on its way to welcome spring, but it still wasn’t anywhere near warm enough to go out without bundling up. Good thing that Toman’s long sleeves and baggy pants uniform made it simple to slip another layer or two underneath.

When Takemichi arrived, Mikey was already there, playing with the puff of his breath that the cold, humid air produced. He wore his usual white long-sleeve shirt underneath his coat uniform that draped over his shoulders. Takemichi wondered if Mikey didn’t feel cold in this kind of weather.

Takemichi told Mikey all about the future, from the very beginning when he was pushed onto the train rails. What he had changed up until now and its result in each timeline. He sobbed when he apologized for failing to save Baji and Emma, and broke into a cry when he told Mikey what had happened to his future self in Manila.

Mikey’s face was carefully blank as he listened. Takemichi couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but there was something that had been bothering him since he took his first step onto the stone paved path of the shrine. Mikey’s posture was taut, like a string that was stretched to the point of snapping. His words and his every move seemed calculated.

Takemichi didn’t like it. So when he finished the story and Mikey fell silent, eyes trained somewhere faraway, he announced his intention.

“Mikey-kun, I’m not going back.”

Mikey’s dark eyes snapped to him, surprised. His brows ceased as he contemplated. “If you’re worrying about everyone, I give you my words, Takemitchy. I’ll definitely protect everyone’s future. Hina too. I’ll make sure that the same future won’t happen, so you don’t have to be so reluctant to part ways.”

Mikey smiled, the same smile as that time when he said Toman would never lose because he was here. The one that was both confident in the outcome and self-assured in his own abilities. But Takemichi saw it, a hint of deep emotion that Mikey tried desperately not to show others. Takemichi would never have noticed before, but after witnessing the future in Manila, he became aware of little clues and changes in expressions that Mikey’s body couldn’t hide.

Toman’s invincible leader always smiled when faced with difficulties. But that wasn’t the smile that Takemichi wanted.

歩道橋の向こうに冬のまちが見えたよ

On the other side of the overpass, I could see the city in the winter.

ひとかけらの孤独を手に僕は明日をつないでいる

With the fragments of loneliness in my hands, I am reaching toward tomorrow.

「こころで笑えるかな」いつかの声が聴こえた

“Can you smile with all your heart?” I heard a voice from some day.

白い息が空に消える

The breath vapor disappears into the sky.

寂しくはない駅へ急ぐよ

I’m not lonely. I’m rushing to the station.

Takemichi knew that Mikey would keep his promise. As a leader and as a friend, Mikey treasured the trust that Toman had put in him and would do his best to respond in kind. He wouldn’t break his promise.

But protecting everyone alone was a task that even adults struggled to accomplish. No matter how powerful Mikey was, he still needed a place or a person whom he could fall onto when he needed a break. Takemichi was determined to be that person. He would help Mikey protect everyone and carry parts of his burden. He didn’t want to see the hopelessness in Mikey ever again.

“I know, Mikey-kun. But I want to stay. I want to be with you and the rest of Toman.” He explained, staring at the deep dark eyes to convey the force of his sincerity. “I want to help you. Please let me help you protect everyone’s future. Please let me protect your future.”

Although Mikey didn’t act like he needed it, his future was also important and deserved to be protected.

Takemichi hoped that his expressive eyes would persuade Mikey for him, to let him know that Takemichi wouldn’t back down. Like it had played out when Takemichi had announced his intention to become one of Toman’s top leaders, Mikey would have to acknowledge it.

Takemichi could see Mikey’s resolution wavered. He reeled in his weakness a heartbeat later, but that short moment was enough for Takemichi to catch on.

“What about Hina?” Mikey pressed, resorting to bringing up a girl whom he knew Takemichi would throw his life away for if it meant she would live well. “She’s waiting for you in the future.”

Despite the reminder, Takemichi didn’t back down. “I have Hina-chan here too. I told her my decision, and Hina-chan said she would support me.”

Mikey bit his lips, his eyes straying sideways. It seemed like he had his plan, but whatever that plan was, it was being shaken by Takemichi’s words.

“I have everyone I ever want here with me, Mikey-kun. I want to stay. Not just for you and for Toman, but for myself too.”

It was as if the wall that Mikey had built around himself crumbled down like glass. In the first place, Mikey objected to Takemichi staying because he felt that the other was putting others before himself. He didn’t want Takemichi to throw away his chance to live as he wanted just because he was worried about the people in the past.

But Takemichi had said that he was staying for himself too.

The stubbornness that lined Mikey’s lips eased into a soft smile. “You already made up your mind even before I said anything.”

Takemichi grinned at his Toman leader. “I’m sorry,” he offered without really feeling sorry.

There was the sound of motorcycle engines at the edge of Takemichi’s hearing, a sound that had wormed its way into Takemichi’s heart and oddly assured him of belonging and comfort. It got louder by the seconds, until it stopped somewhere to his right, in the shrine’s parking lot that was obscured by a row of trees. Dull marching steps replaced the engine sound as a crowd of black-cladded people strode up to the stairs where Takemichi and Mikey were standing.

Something cold fell on the tip of Takemichi’s nose, before another one planted itself on his forehead. He looked up at the darkened sky and saw white flakes falling down in fluttering dances.

“It’s snowing...” Takemichi muttered.

“Strange, isn’t it? The weather forecast said it wouldn’t snow.” Holding his palm up to collect a small puff of white frozen water in his hand, Mikey gazed at it as the hundred members of Toman fell into neat rows behind their respective captains. Mitsuya and Smiley were still in their wheelchair, but they grinned widely.

「帰らないと決めたんだ」

“I have decided to not go back.”

はじまりを告げるように雪が降り始めた

As if to mark the beginning, snow started to fall.

“Thank you, Takemitchy. I have decided.” Mikey straightened his back and squared his shoulders, the very picture of Tokyo Manji Kai’s invincible leader. There was a gleam in his eyes that made Takemichi nodded and went down to his place right in front of Chifuyu and the rest of the first division.

Mikey looked over them confidently as he grinned. “Listen up, everyone!”

The entirety of Toman snapped to attention as the voice of their leader carried through the air. Soft snow continued to fall gently to the ground.

“We have faced a lot of hardship in our fight with Tenjiku, but we overcame them and emerged victorious. Toman is now Japan’s top gang!”

As he listened, Takemichi felt his chest puffed up in pride, and he was certain that every single person who carried Toman’s manji on the back of their uniform felt the same.

“We’ve created an era that will be handed down to generations to come, an era for delinquents that we have dreamed of! Thank you everyone for sticking with me and making Toman the best gang out there. But our dream doesn't end here. Toman will continue to show the world the way of delinquents we uphold! I hope that you all will be with me on this journey.”

Then, Mikey relaxed his posture and spoke a little more comfortably. “To let you all recover from the fight, there won’t be a gang meeting for a while. I will end the meeting here. Be careful while you go home and rest well.”

They bowed, deeply and respectfully, to the leader who had led them through many hardships and who had lost so much, before the crowd slowly receded along with the booming sound of bike roars.

The captains and vice-captains stayed for a while longer, discussing among themselves the outcome of the Kanto Incident and speculating about the future that awaited Toman, but gradually, they bid farewell one by one until the only occupants on the shrine ground were Takemichi and Mikey.

“Today, I called everyone here to announce the disbandment of Toman.” Mikey confessed, a slight smile still on his lips as he scanned the spacious ground that was fully occupied a mere moment ago. “I thought about it, the future you told me. No matter what timelines, something always goes badly. The root of it all is me. Toman goes bad because I go bad. I thought that by disbanding Toman, everyone will still be able to live a happy life even when I inevitably fall into darkness.”

Takemichi almost stopped breathing. He had a hard time believing his ears. Mikey loved Toman. This gang was his pride and dream, but he was ready to throw all that hard work and passion away to ensure that everyone he cared about would have a good life.

“Mikey-kun...”

“But you give me hope. You changed my mind,” he continued, tearing his focus from the ground beneath the steps, and looked at Takemichi with pleading eyes. “That’s why, Takemitchy, when you think I am losing myself. You definitely have to scold me and bring me back, okay?”

Mikey’s stability was his responsibility now, but Takemichi was up to the task. He clasped his hands behind his back and looked straight at his leader and friend. “I will, Mikey-kun! Definitely!” He yelled confidently, putting all his determination into the sentence that he uttered.

Takemichi was rewarded with a big, wide smile that he had been longing to see on Mikey’s face. Mikey’s eyebrows smoothened, losing the sharpness that had permanently been etched onto them for a few seconds as the corner of his eyes relaxed with the movement of his cheeks. This Mikey was glowing, moonlight reflecting on the snow in his hair.

“You’re my hero, Takemitchy.”

歩いていこう歩いていこう

Let’s walk forward. Let’s walk forward.

僕は「今」を生きていくよ

I will continue to live in the “present.”

傷ついても何度も信じたいよ

Even if I get hurt, I want to believe, no matter how many times.

この手をこの日々を君と泣いて君と笑って僕は強くなれたんだろう

Within these hands, within these days, crying with you, laughing with you, has made me stronger.

君がくれた言葉はここにあるよ

The words that you told me are right here with me.

そうだよ歩いていこう

Yes, let’s walk forward.

[END]

#TokyoRevengers #東卍 #東リベ #東京卍リベンジャーズ #mikey x takemichi #hinata x takemichi #tokyo revengers #tokyo manji gang #sano manjiro #takemichi hanagaki #hinata tachibana #tokyo revengers fanfiction #tokyo manji revengers #Youtube

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yuonsan · 3 years

Text

「the stars shined brighter, the day you were liberated」

．。Warnings; spoilers, canonical character death, character death, violence, nightmares, eating disorders, scars, grieving。．

{Beast Light Novel Headcanons}

-After Atsushi was left under Mori’s care in his old orphanage by Dazai, he has slowly gotten better and come to peace with his mentors death.

-Atsushi and Mori have a great relationship, truly a father-son duo. Elize is like Atsushi’s mother figure, and he loves her very much as well.

-The children at the orphanage adore Atsushi and call him big brother all the time and ask him to play with them 24/7.

-Atsushi still has the scar on his neck from the collar when he was still in the Port Mafia. He covers it with a hand-made scarf given to him by Elize.

-Atsushi still doesn’t want to really live, and if you were to ask him what he would do in the future, he wouldn’t be able to respond because he just can’t see himself having a future at all. Hell, he doesn’t know if he’ll wake up tomorrow, yet he makes an effort to try. He now thinks, that he can understand at least a fraction of what Dazai was going through when he was alive.

-Atsushi finds himself thinking about the Headmaster late at night, however he isn’t afraid of him anymore. The only feelings he can associate with him is emptiness and melancholy. Whenever he sees the figure of the Headmaster staring at him while he is doing something, he pays no mind to it.

-Beast!Atsushi doesn’t have the shine in his eyes like OG!Atsushi has, they are often seen empty and devoid of any light. Yet his heart beats with compassion and love for the orphanage, he once despised.

-Mori does view Atsushi as a son, and hopes one day Atsushi will be able to live peacefully, in the light with him, Elise and the kids.

-The first few months Atsushi was under Mori’s case, he considered killing himself in various ways. He also had nightmares of seeing Dazai fall of the bridge, sometimes he still does.

-Atsushi hopes that one day, he will be able to redeem himself for all the lives he took, under the name ‘The White Reaper’.

-Mori doesn’t regret leaving the port mafia and enjoys his days at the orphanage, Elise agrees with him.

-Atsushi is considered dead in Yokahama, because of his sudden disappearance and not being found even after the government got involved.

-Elise, sometimes thinks about the olden days when Mori was the Boss of the Port Mafia and doesn’t regret leaving the busy Yokahama in favor of enjoying her days here, alongside ‘Rintarou’ and Atsushi.

-Atsushi has an eating disorder, however Elise makes sure he eats very well, going as far as to forcing food in his mouth when things get out of control. Mori sometimes joins Elise, by gently chiding Atsushi about his health, and taking care of himself.

-Mori definelty uses his “I’m a Doctor” card on Atsushi when the young teen doesn’t take care of himself.

-In the future when Atsushi is deemed able to live properly again without any fear of him not taking care of himself, he still lives in the orphanage with Mori and Elise along with the children.

-If Atsushi ever visits Dazai’s grave, the flowers (I think) he’ll give him are: Asters/Callistephus for afterthought & daintiness, Pink Camillas ‘Longing for you’, Red Carnations ‘My heart aches for you’ & admiration, Daffodils for unrequited love & regard, Daisies for loyal love & “I’ll never tell” & gentleness, Forget-Me-Not’s for faithfull love & undying love & memories & remembrance, Yellow Zinnia in daily remembrance, Paper Daisy for eternity & immortality, Poppy for eternal sleep, Cyclamen for registration & goodbyes, Pansy/Viola for thoughtful reflection, Deep Pink Roses “thank you”, Long Stemmed Rose “I’ll always remember you, Single Full Bloom Rose “I love you, I still love you”, Stock/Mathiolla for bonds of affection, Sweat Pea/Lathyrus for goodbye & “Thank you for a lovely time” & departure, Yellow Tulip for hopeless love, Yarrows for healing, Magenta Zinnia for lasting affection and Mixed Zinnia for thinking & in memory of an absent friend.

-Akutagawa while hurt that his sister refuses to see him, hopes that one day they can reunite, though he understands her reasons.

-Odasaku felt a twinge of sadness when hearing about Dazai’s death, yet he still is unsere why he does.

oof i got sidetracked, and lost myself with the flowers one lol. Sorry i really like flower language and their hidden meanings :/

#beast au #bsd beast #beast light novel #beast atsushi #beast dazai #oda sakunosuke #bsd headcanons #bsd imagines #bsd atsushi #bsd dazai #bsd spoilers #sad thoughts #flower meanings #flower language

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koreaweeb · 3 years

Text

Red Strings - Thirty-Sixth String

@underc0vercryptid-reads @laraplisetski @omegahighendpro @thooo0t @t3sselated @youngestdelacour @sadeyesgf

TW: SWEARING, VIOLENCE, ABUSE, MENTION OF SUICIDE, MENTION OF SELF-HARM, SEXUAL CONTENT

“Hey Chishiya, your girl’s on TV.”

Chishiya was on his break when his co-worker popped into the break room, and turned the TV on. As soon as they did, Kurenai’s face appeared on the screen. She was dressed immaculately as usual, but she looked a little different today: much more authoritative.

By now, almost half the ward was gathered in the break room, all curious.

Just this morning, news broke that Chuya Atsushi was stepping down as the director of Chuya Group, and that his own daughter was taking over the company. Although the public had yet to know the truth, it was speculated that Kurenai planned a coup against her own father.

Cameras were flashing in the crowd of reporters as Kurenai took her seat at the table, sitting in front of dozens of microphones and recording devices.

As soon as she sat down, hands were shooting up in the air and individuals were calling out to her as they each have a million questions for her.

“Miss Chuya! Is it true that you planned to usurp your own father?”

“Usurp? Gosh, that’s such a harsh word to use,” Kurenai sighed. “I wouldn’t say I usurped his position. More like...I took over. Yeah, let’s go with that.”

“Now that your father is no longer connected with the company, do you think the Chuya Group stocks will tank? What will you do when that happens?”

“I will do absolutely nothing because that will never happen,” Kurenai smiled. “And I’m sure if you did a little more homework before coming here, in the short span of me as director, Chuya Group stocks actually went up.”

“Is it true that you are dating a doctor?”

“My my, so nosy. But yes, I am dating a doctor.”

“What will happen between Chuya Group and Morita Corporations now that you have publicly rejected marriage with Morita Ichiro?”

“I wish for the business relationship to be maintained between our two companies. Whether or not I marry Morita Ichiro should not affect our business standings. We’re in the twenty-first century for goodness sake. Let’s stop this whole unite through marriage bullshit, shall we?”

“Do you think you’ll do a better job than your father at heading the company? You have never worked a single day in your life, after all. Or are you just too privileged and delusional to think that you’d be able to manage basically an empire?”

“Again, if you did your homework, you’d know that I graduated with an MBA at Kyoto University. So to an-”

“Almost everyone has a college degree, it doesn’t mean they have the ability or experience to head an entire corporation.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you. You’d just have to see the result of my work further down the road. Someone get this person out of here please.”

“Miss Chuya, why did you take over from your father? What pushed you to this?”

“Very good question. To put it simply, I do not think my father is fit to lead Chuya Group. Not only is his thinking too traditional for a modern world, but he has been lying and deceiving the public for years. For as long as I can remember, my father has been praised by the public as a loving husband and caring father because that is the image he put forth. Unfortunately, that is far from the truth.

“My father is abusive. He has anger issues and would often take his anger out on his wife and own children. He manipulated the public to think that we are the picture perfect family when behind closed doors, he would beat both my brother and me. He would verbally abuse his employees too. He drove my mother to suicide and had you all thinking that he was a grieving husband who tragically lost his wife to an illness.

“I called for this press conference partly to explain the slight change in leadership within the company, but mainly to expose my father. That will be all for today’s questions. I know there’s a million more you have in mind, especially after this revelation. Later today, I will be posting evidence of my father’s abuse. Please look forward to it.”

All day long, since the beginning of the press conference, the entire nation went into a frenzy. Every news station was reporting on the sudden change in director for Chuya Group. #AtsushiTheAbuser was trending on several media platforms as everyone was deep in discussion on whether or not Kurenai was telling the truth.

As promised, later that day, Kurenai released a video compilation of Atsushi’s abuse.

To protect himself and his asset, Atsushi had cameras installed in his office. Never did he think it would come back to bite him in the bottom. His secretary had apparently been working with Kurenai, sending her the video files of when he would hit Aoi and Kurenai, or when he would be seen yelling profanity at employees.

That video went viral within the first hour.

Following up, Kurenai even released her mother’s autopsy results. While her father was crying in front of the cameras for the loss of his wife, the medical examiner had determined her death to be of suicide and even noted the injuries and bruises on her body consistent with domestic abuse. Though, those results were quickly buried only to be uncovered today.

After the day she had, Chishiya was expecting Kurenai to be exhausted. She had been pulling all-nighters for the past ten days, perhaps she would be fast asleep when he got home. That was when his phone rang.

It was from Kurenai, but when he answered the call, it was not Kurenai on the other end.

“Hey, are you um...My King?”

Hearing what Kurenai saved him as on her contacts, he could not help but smile. Fate and soulmates were always bullshit stories to sell romantic dramas and films. Or so Chishiya thought. It was a little hard to hold on to that belief when coincidences like this would happen.

Just as he was ‘My King’ on her phone, she was ‘My Queen’ on his.

“I’m Kurenai’s boyfriend, yes. Who is this?”

“Oh, I’m her friend, Kuina Hikari. I’m calling because um...well, she’s drunk.”

“Drunk?”

“Yeah, drunk. She said she wanted to celebrate something and dragged me to this fancy ass bar. She practically drank two bottles of wine by herself. Can you um...come and pick her up?”

It seemed very out of character for Kurenai to get drunk, though Chishiya could only imagine the stress she had been going through for the past ten days. Perhaps this was her way of letting go after everything went just as she planned.

Kuina sent him the address for the bar and he arrived there as quickly as he could. They were sat in a corner table, and as he was approaching them, he could see Kuina trying to feed water to a red-faced Kurenai.

“Hey, you must be the boyfriend, right?” Kuina asked. “I saw your picture as her background.”

“Thanks for taking care of her.”

Getting Kurenai home was a breeze as she slept the whole way, although Chishiya did have to carry her when they arrived at the apartment building because she was completely knocked out. As he was putting her in bed, however, she opened her eyes.

“No…” she mumbled, frowning as she was pushing Chishiya away. “I cannot sleep with you. I have a boyfriend.”

“I am your boyfriend.”

“Hm? When did I get such a good looking guy?”

#rs ch 36 #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x oc #aib #alice in borderland #imawa no kuni no arisu #imawa no kuni no alice

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bbysamu · 3 years

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that one draft i sent in (to tee) was actually about dazai finally committing suicide. he calls kunikida, knowing that kunikida probably wouldnt be taking him seriously because fukuzawa was travelling and left him in charge. as soon as kunikida ends the call, ranpo realizes.

"so he finally did it, huh."

he stares blankly straight, he knows why dazai called, but he's not going to stop him. its what he wants, he thinks. for the rest of the day he has this somber look in his eyes. next he calls atsushi, there was a high chance he would believe him but also a high chance he wouldnt. and so, dazai calls him. he thinks he's joking and teasingly congratulates dazai for finally being able to die.

dazai lightly smiles as he hangs up. he rests the phone on his stomach. congratulations, indeed. this is what he wanted, this is what he desired all along, wasn't it?

because once a man held those same eyes

but why does a part of him want to call, scream out, why does a part of him want them to tell him to stop? he is surrounded by so many people yet he's still so . . . isolated.

and what happened to that man?

same with you, he met a cetrain person, joined a certain organization, and his eyes no longer held the desire for death

he looks up at the sky one last time, finally. the day arrived where he no longer dreaded sunset, where he finally saw beauty in last endings. for a lot of people, these days are semi colons. but for people like him, this is the final destination.

for a moment he turns his back onto the world, and then he jumps.

akutagawa.

"i'm sorry"

odasaku. the ada.

"i might not be good, but you guys, you're good people"

wind flowing through his clothes, he closed his eyes. and he remembers one last person. he smiles, genuinely. what gemstone people in this world.

chuuya.

"you, you're a good one."

they'll grieve, they'll cry, and maybe they'll even visit him. but one thing was for sure, they'll be alright.

he knows no one can hear him, and he knows these messages will never get to them, but all his wishes go to the living who stand waiting for the sunset to show it's beauty. he was never ome to care for other people other than the ones close to him but he hoped that they too find their day. where they don't dread the sunset anymore.

"you'll be okay."

chuuya stood, hands in his pocket, looking down at dazai's grave. slowly tears started to fall, he looked away from the grave. he could still feel dazai making fun of him for crying about him.

"i heard you called your agency friends," he feels stupid for talking to a stone but this was probably the only time he'll ever talk to him.

he clenches his fists, as he tries to stop himself from crying even though he already was.

"why didn't you call me? why didn't—why not me?" he cries out to his grave knowing full well he would never get an answer back.

"i hope, that at least one time—one time when we were partners, that you considered me a friend." he places his hand on dazai's headstone.

"in any case, i really do hope you're happy, friend."

-coffee

(WOOOOOWEEE NOW THIS WAS SOME RANDOM WRITING HAJSJKDKDKD i hope this broke your heart)

COFFEEEEEE BABY WHY?! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME CRY RN 😭

dude first of all, you have beautiful writing

and second of all, this one really HURTS 😭

This was such a good characterization of Dazai, my heart is clenching in my chest from all THIS HURT. Do you write fluff too? because if you do, please send me. Like Tee said, I'm Dazai's little princess and this one hurts. let me just go cry in the corner right now

#ceci got mail #darling coffee anon #suicide tw #angst tw #coffee you beautiful writer you #thanks for breaking my heart at 10 am

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lovica · 5 years

Note

AU where Chuuya was also close friends with Odasaku, and is hit as hard by his death. Dazai brings him with him when he leaves the mafia, and they both join the ADA (may or may not adopt Atsushi, Akutagawa, and kyouka later lol). Or the more angsty option, Dazai leaves without Chuuya, and he feels far more hurt and betrayed by Dazai than in Canon. "He was my friend too Dazai! I miss him as much as you, I was grieving as well and I needed you, but you left me behind to deal with my grief alone!"

Ah, both of them are really interesting!

Guess which road I took, though. B)

Yeah, it's angst B)

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therewillbebeauty · 7 years

Text

when we did not know the answer - dazatsu

Written for BSD Rarepair Week! Day three: Weapons//Pick-up Lines// “But once you start doubting, it’s hard to know what to believe.” - Tanizaki Junichirou, Naomi Summary: The five times Atsushi and Dazai doubted themselves, and the one time they didn’t.

He was worthless.

He was orphaned, abandoned by his parents.

No one cared about him.

It would be better for everyone if he would just die in a ditch somewhere.

Those thoughts had been drilled into his mind from day one. For as long as Atsushi could remember, he’d never thought he would amount to anything. He was just another hungry mouth to feed, just another sniveling brat who would never be adopted and would just drain the orphanage’s resources. He knew these things from the bottom of his heart.

Until he came face-to-face with the very real possibility that he was going to die.

That was when Atsushi made the choice to keep living, keep running, keep moving. To not let the ill wishes of everyone at the orphanage weigh him down. They were probably right, but so what? He would live, even if it meant stealing. He would live, even if it meant being a criminal. He would live.

And then he rescued a suicidal man from drowning, and the rest is history.

II.

Before there was Atsushi, there was Dazai.

There was the Dazai who stumbled through the streets and the gutters and slept in boxes and alleyways, and there was the Dazai who one day found himself with a job and a place to sleep and three square meals a day if only he would point a gun at someone’s head and pull the trigger. He would receive new life if only he would take the lives of others.

When Dazai was old enough to understand what he had done, and to comprehend that each and every mutilated body left on the floor of a warehouse with three bullets in their backs and a broken jaw was a person, and that those people had families and lovers and jobs and friends and that he had casually stolen that away, he thought it was kind of like stealing. In order for him to live, others had to die.

He smiled to himself and patted the gun in his coat pocket. It was a good thing that he was in the mafia, where stealing was the name of the game.

Years later, after the death of his dearest friend Oda Sakunosuke, Dazai would look back on his actions with remorse instead of a twisted sense of irony, and wonder if there was a way for him to live peacefully, without taking any more lives.

And then one night, when his partner was sleeping soundly beside him, unaware, Dazai smoothed Chuuya’s red hair against the pillow, and carefully snipped off a russet lock, just large enough to be noticeable and ruin Chuuya’s haircut. And then he left, and the rest is history.

III.

Atsushi couldn’t do this. This whole ‘detective’ thing was way out of his league. First week on the job, and he’d already stopped a (fake) suicide bomber, watched Ranpo-san solve a murder mystery, and watched Kenji beat the thugs from that gang to within an inch of their lives.

Atsushi sighed, and let his head hit his desk. No one batted an eye; they simply carried on with their paperwork.

He couldn’t do this. He was too normal for this crap. He’d never be any use in a fight. Not when he could still barely control his ability, not when he couldn’t stop shaking in the face of danger, not when he didn’t know anything about fighting, not when the words of the headmaster still echoed in his mind at night—

You are worthless. You were orphaned, abandoned by your parents. No one cares about you. It would be better for everyone if you would just die in a ditch somewhere—

And then he and the rest of the Armed Detective Agency stopped F. Scott Fitzgerald and the Guild, and then Fyodor Dostoyevsky, and then the Port Mafia. And then the team went out on picnics, and out to eat, and out to get drunk, and out for the sole purpose of being together as friends. And Atsushi, for the first time in his life, was part of something larger than a loose collective of children bound by hate and mutual suffering. He was part of a team, a group. A family, if you will.

And for the first time in his life, as Dazai poked his cheek while he attempted to file the paperwork for their latest mission, he thought that maybe the headmaster might have been wrong.

IV.

There were times when Dazai would lie awake at night, unable to rest. Sleep was attainable, but his dreams were filled with his days at the Mafia, full of bloodshed and violence and death and loss and—

Dazai rolled onto his other side and pulled his locket out of his pocket.

The locket itself was nothing special, just a trinket he’d picked up at a yard sale. He thought it would be romantic, and anyways, he needed something to carry its contents. No, the locket was just a tool, a container, a vessel for the treasure inside: that very lock of russet hair stolen from the head of his sleeping partner two years ago, in the inky cover of night.

At times when Dazai couldn’t sleep for the pain, he normally pulled the locket out of his pocket and gripped it in his palm until the rusted bit of the chain poked into his skin and drew blood. Normally, he would plead to whatever deity was listening to give him the speed, the strength, the talent, the time to go back and fix everything. To care for Chuuya until he could make it back and rescue his partner from the life of death and destruction that he had managed to escape. To aid him in his selfish quest of saving just the one person who had mattered most to him.

But tonight, Dazai didn’t pray. He cradled the metal locket loosely in his palm, marveling at the intricacy of the design on the front. Then, as if in a trance, he rose from his bed and walked over to his window. The moon shone brightly in the night sky as he pulled open the window and dropped the locket outside.

It was a cold night; he shivered in his thin pajamas as he closed the window.

He would regret the rashness of his actions for weeks to come, but eventually the bitterness and remorse would subside, and he would wonder why he ever grieved over that stupid curio and the red hair trapped inside in the first place.

Atsushi couldn’t honestly say he hadn’t dreamed about this: being loved enough to one day have someone get down on one knee and ask for his hand in marriage, or loving enough to do the same to someone else.

He just couldn’t believe that it would ever be anything more than one of his wildest fantasies.

But there Dazai was, kneeling on the cold tile floor of the Agency in broad daylight, in view of every Agency member currently clocked in, holding a simple silver band in one hand and Atsushi’s wrist in his other.

Atsushi nearly passed out right then and there.

His head was reeling. Dazai had barged in late, as usual, with a shopping bag in tow. “Sorry I’m late, everyone!” he had exclaimed cheerfully, prompting Kunikida to grit his teeth in annoyance. “I had an errand to run. Had to pick something up!” He fished around in the bag and then dropped down right in front of Atsushi, shit-eating grin plastered across his whole face. “Oh, come on, Kunikida-kun! I can hardly ask Atsushi to marry me without a ring, can I?”

And Atsushi couldn’t tell whether he wanted to laugh or cry.

Why would Dazai propose out to him out of the blue like this? They weren’t even dating or anything! This had to be a joke.

He settled for both at the same time.

The Agency members watched with concern as their coworker broke down into a sobbing, cackling mess on the floor. “This prank isn’t funny, Dazai-san,” he gasped, “but, at the same time, this caught me pretty off-guard! So A-plus for you!”

He wiped his tears and mucus on the sleeve of his shirt; maybe that wasn’t the best choice, since it was white and all. “But really, you should be more responsible, Dazai-san. I know that rings aren’t cheap, and you really shouldn’t blow so much cash on a simple prank like this.” He wiped his eyes again and smiled. “Now, come on. We have to go return that thing before anything happens to it, or you won’t get your money back!”

He stood, and walked past Dazai towards the door. Dazai’s hand reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Where are you going, Atsushi-kun? Why do I have to return the ring?”

Atsushi looked back at Dazai’s face in disbelief. He looked almost … disappointed? “Because you can’t just drop over four hundred thousand yen on a joke, Dazai-san. I just told you?”

“Who said it was a joke?” Dazai countered.

And that was when Atsushi nearly fainted.

VI.

Dazai looked stunning, but he always looked stunning, no matter what he wore. His wedding suit was no exception; charcoal gray, punctuated by the pink carnation pinned in his lapel, custom tailored and imported from France, a wedding gift from Chuuya. He’d actually bought all of the wedding party’s suits as his gift, claiming that Dazai would ruin the ceremony by choosing something tacky and Atsushi didn’t have the knowledge or money to pick something truly exquisite. Dazai had protested that Chuuya’s taste certainly couldn’t be trusted either, but Atsushi had been grateful for the help. He had been lost.

To be honest, he had been lost for most of the wedding planning phase. What did he know about venues, or cake, or balancing guest lists so that no one died during the ceremony? Kunikida and Yosano had been lifesavers in the whole planning process, and for that he would be eternally grateful.

Actually, everyone at the Agency had come together to make this wedding a success. When he asked Naomi about it, she’d squealed, “Because we’ve been waiting forever for you two to get together! Plus, Dazai’s spontaneous proposal was totally romantic!”

Atsushi certainly hadn’t found it romantic at the time, but he looked back on it fondly.

“Who said it was a joke?”

Atsushi was speechless.

Dazai stood up. “Atsushi-kun, we’ve basically been dating for years, and that’s all the proof that I need to convince myself that this is a good idea. I love you, and I want you to marry me. If you will, of course.” He held up the simple silver band. “Well? What do you say?”

Atsushi burst out crying for the second time.

A hand ruffled his hair. Atsushi blinked. Dazai was standing in front of him, smiling ear to ear. “Spacing out? What, were you distracted by my beauty?”

Atsushi spluttered. “No way! I was just—”

“Honestly, Atsushi,” Dazai interrupted, “We’re getting married today. There’s no harm in thinking I’m attractive! The only problem with that sentiment is, of course, that your beauty puts mine to shame, but that just means that our kids will be super-cute!”

Atsushi swatted his fiancé’s hand away. “Osamu, we’re both male.”

Dazai gave a dramatic sigh. “Oh, well. I guess our good genes will just be wasted, then. What a shame.” He smoothed Atsushi’s suit jacket (white, to contrast with Dazai’s, and also because Dazai insisted that it wasn’t a wedding without a bride, but there were two boys being married and so Atsushi would just have to do!) down and exhaled loudly. “Well! Are you ready?” He held out a hand.

Atsushi grasped it tightly. “Of course I am.”

As they walked out into the little church where the ceremony was to be held, there was no doubt in their hearts this time. This was where they were meant to be.

#bsd-rarepairweek #day 3

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