#and Imogen Does Not want to be a martyr | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beauregardlionett · 6 months

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kintsugi kid (what is there between us if not a little annihilation)

AO3 Link

NOTE: updated this because i decided i wasn't satisfied with it

Lord de Rolo and Lady Allura were—understandably—pissed. As were the rest of the hells, but the fractured decorum on the Lord and Lady’s faces was much more distinctly out of place.

After Fearne kicked Ashton in the face, the hells reigned in their upset long enough to be led back upstairs to Whitestone castle and guided to their rooms. They made it clear that the hells were in no condition to go to Ruidus, and would spend one more night in the castle. Ashton didn’t give a shit either way.

Ashton dragged his weary limbs into the bedroom he was in the night before and collapsed on the edge of the bed. His limbs ached and burned in tandem, as if his nerves didn't know which sensation to address first, so they just threw everything at Ashton in one go. He stretched out his new arm, hoping to alleviate even a fraction of the pain, waiting for the group to unleash their rage on him.

He only realized he was in for a truly unpleasant conversation when Laudna shut the door behind a reluctant Imogen, leaving them alone in the room.

She turned to face Ashton and crossed her arms over her chest, dark eyes glaring at them from across the room. Ashton looked away, focusing instead on his hand as he extended and curled his new molten fingers repeatedly, testing the sensation and range of motion. The energy inside was a thrilling zing through their veins.

Without looking up from their hand, Ashton asked Laudna, “how long are you going to stand there before you lay into me?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Laudna asked with emphasis.

“You want the list in chronological order or alphabetical?”

“This is not funny!” Laudna all but screeched, throwing her hands in the air. “Is your life really that much of a joke to you?”

“Have you been paying attention to anything I’ve said about my life? I think you already know the answer to that.”

“No,” Laudna exhaled, harsh and upset. “I don’t think I do. You contradict yourself at every fucking turn, Ashton. You're such a hypocrite, how would any of us know what you really think?”

Ashton finally looked up at her, their anger a kindling ember beneath their sternum. It felt different than before, less like something they could control and more like something controlling them.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Laudna leveled an admittedly terrifying glare at Ashton, her lips pressed into a thin, upset line. “How many times are you going to literally shatter before you stop being so reckless?” “I wasn’t trying to die—” Ashton protested, shifting as if to get up and abandoned the idea halfway. He was still exhausted and aching, and moving didn't help. “I don’t believe you!” Laudna cut them off, the words exploding out of her with a fierce jerk of her arms. “Your words and your actions don’t line up, Ashton. You told F.C.G. no one wants a martyr, and then you pull this because you don’t want any of us to get hurt. You tell us you care about us, that you want to live, but you don’t trust us to have your back and you continuously pull reckless stunts. What is the truth, Ashton?”

Ashton clenched their teeth together, jaw cracking slightly with the force of it. He looked down at his lava rock arm again and figured the answer was pretty clear.

“I want to have a legacy. I want to be remembered for something—something I chose, instead of something that happened to me.”

“How were any of us supposed to know? You never said a damn thing to clue us into the fact we were supposed to care about this shard the way you do. We could have helped you, Ashton! And why does this legacy have to include risking your life alone? Are you that selfish? You didn’t tell us, and you had Fearne lie for you, too!”

“Don’t pretend like you all wouldn’t have tried to stop me,” Ashton scoffed.

“Of course we would have tried to stop you!” Laudna screamed, her eyes watering and furious. “The tree warned us about what would happen if you tried to take on that stupid shard. Is it so hard to believe we would have tried to stop you because we care about you? Because we don’t want you to die? For fuck’s sake, Ashton, why don’t you trust us?”

“I never said I didn’t trust you,” Ashton ground out, that burning ember growing hotter in their chest.

“You could have fooled me!” Laudna snapped. “Everything you do implies otherwise—you didn’t need to say anything. You said you wanted a family. Well, you have one here, trying to help you, but that means we have to trust each other—mutually. But you lied to us, Ashton. You took advantage of our trust to do this. You used Fearne's curiosity and her faith in you because you knew she wouldn't try to stop you—you took advantage of her. What if we hadn’t realized something was wrong?”

“I knew you would,” Ashton said casually, shrugging and trying to contain their anger for once. They were fine, so what did it matter how they got here? What did it matter that kissing Fearne only tasted like guilt? “I trusted you all to keep me alive. Besides, I’m fine. It worked.”

“You...” Laudna trailed off, voice faltering. Ashton looked up at her and blinked at the unadulterated rage he found there. “Your hubris almost got you killed, Ashton! And we had to stand by and watch that happen! You shattered—do you understand that? Ashton, you were gone—to where we would have had to ask someone else to bring you back.”

“We did that for you,” Ashton pointed out. They sat in the same castle they had brought Laudna back in. The irony was not lost on him.

“It’s different and you know it,” Laudna bit out. “I died in a battle by mistake, and I left a body behind. You were on the verge of dying because you think you’re better than the gods and the primordials—because you are convinced they owe you something. If you actually died the way you were about to down there...Ashton, there would have been nothing left of you.”

They stared at each other in the heavy silence left behind from Laudna’s rant. Ashton’s chest felt white hot, like they needed to cough around heartburn, like acid was pooling in their throat. He held it in stubbornly, determined to prove he could control this.

“I did this to take control of my situation,” Ashton ground out eventually. “You can’t tell me that if this was about Delilah, you would have done anything different.”

“I would have talked to you all,” Laudna said, unyielding. “I would have let everyone say their piece, and explained what I was doing and why. Maybe I would have ignored everyone and gone through with it, but at least I wouldn't have done it alone, or used someone's faith in me against them. That’s what I would have done differently.”

Ashton opened his mouth to argue, to tell Laudna she was wrong—that she was more like him than she thought. But one look at her expression and Ashton couldn’t find the words. This was where they diverged, where the line of distinction pulled them apart. Laudna knew her limitations, and Ashton refused to acknowledge his. She was figuring out how to be cared for, and Ashton assumed they were incapable of being loved in any way that mattered.

Ashton had never been cared for the way they wanted to be. No one ever stuck around long enough to do so. They didn't have a framework for accepting the simple fact that these assholes cared about him. So instead, Ashton held them at arms length and convinced himself he was unlovable—because it was easier to stay broken than it was to heal after decades of hurt.

He looked at Laudna across the room and stayed silent.

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” Laudna said, voice low and acidic. She stalked forward, approaching Ashton for the first time so she could glare down at them.

“How many more times are you going to shatter before you’re satisfied?”

Ashton stared up at her ink-colored eyes and smirked, small and self-deprecating.

“What if I said I’ll never be satisfied?”

Laudna’s face twisted, and for a long moment, Ashton thought she might hit them. But at the end of that moment, she took a step back and worked her jaw.

“If that’s the case,” she said, slow and measured. “Then don’t ask us to save you next time.”

Laudna turned away and went for the door. Ashton didn’t know how to call her back. This was expected, watching someone reach the threshold of how much they could care about him and his brokenness. It hurt more than he expected it to, because it was Laudna. They were supposed to be broken in the same ways. But Ashton never let his wounds heal, and Laudna had.

She opened the door and stopped halfway out.

“Apologize to Fearne,” Laudna said over her shoulder. "Or you're getting kicked again."

She started to shut the door behind her, and Ashton couldn't take it anymore.

"Fearne told me she didn't want it."

Laudna paused, turning back to look at him over her shoulder. Her brow was furrowed, but Ashton latched onto the fact that she was listening.

"I asked her if she wanted the shard, and she said that she thought it was meant for me," Ashton placed their lava rock hand over their chest and exhaled, weary. "Yes, I made her lie to all of you, and I scared her. But I don't regret it. I chose this."

Ashton lifted his new arm and stared at it, a mix of emotions swirling unpleasantly in his chest.

"I chose this. For once in my fucking life, I got to choose how I broke." Ashton's eyes slid from their fingers to Laudna's face. He wasn't sure what he was looking to find there, but he was desperate for someone—for her—to understand. "I did this."

Laudna didn't move for a long few moments. Ashton wondered if they really had exceeded the limits of Laudna's patience, if this was it. But then she sighed, long and weary, and shut the door. She walked over to Ashton and sat down on the bed beside them, reaching out for his new arm and hesitating, her fingers hovering over the lava rock. Ashton made no move to close the distance, waiting for Laudna to make that choice.

Eventually, she slid her fingers around Ashton's wrist, seeming surprised when the rock didn't immediately burn her.

"Does it still hurt?" Laudna asked, her voice warbled with emotion. Ashton was surprised at the sudden turned, but then realized he probably shouldn't be. He knew that she cared.

"You mean everything?" Ashton asked. Laudna nodded, her eyes stuck on his arm. "Not really, but I think it's because the new arm is so overwhelmed it's numb. Might change later."

"I..." Laudna paused, breath stuck audibly before she pushed out a heavy breath. "I didn't mean it, what I said. We're always going to try and save you—save each other. Unless you ask us not to. Even then, we'll probably fight you on it."

"I kind of deserved all that," Ashton laughed, curling his fingers again. "I could tell you were all pissed at me."

"We want to support you, Ashton," Laudna said with emphasis. "We know how important this is to you, figuring out who you are. But you have to understand how scary that was, and how much it hurt to realize you lied to us. Yes, we would have tried to stop you from doing something so reckless. But maybe we could have found another way, one that wouldn't have put your life at so much risk. You said yourself that we're supposed to be a family, right? So, include us. We want to help you."

Ashton clenched their jaw, trying to find the words to tell Laudna that the last time they had a family, it was the Nobodies. And they all knew how that had ended. As much as Ashton wanted a family again, it was terrifying.

"Ashton," Laudna said, tone firm. He looked up at her, surprised that his eyes were misty.

"We care about you. You know that, right?"

Ashton stared at her, and she held his gaze in return, unflinching. He wasn't sure how to accept this, but he knew better than to turn her away.

"Yeah," Ashton said, voice wobbling. "I do."

#cr #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e77 #writing #my writing #ashton greymoore #laudna #fearne calloway

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thesurielknows · 3 months

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Spinning Daggers

Sloane X Aaric Fanfiction

Iron Flame Spoilers Ahead!!

Maybe you should aim better, next time. Thoirt grumbles, snapping his jaws in irritation.

I roll my eyes, Thank you for your concern. I would think of something more biting to retort to my red daggertail, but I’m currently staring at the bone of my ankle sticking out of my skin and having been separated from the rest of itself. I’m sitting in the grass where I landed poorly from trying to roll off my dragon. For your information, I wasn’t the one who told me to jump way too high in the air.

Thoirt snorts, I only told you to jump because I had assumed you knew not to land in a way that would snap your ankle.

“Sloane!” One of the others calls, and I can’t bring myself to look, as I feel the embarrassment color my face. Cursed dragon making me look like more of a loser than I already am.

I did nothing of the sort.

I sigh as Imogen reaches me, crouching down beside me as she examines my ankle. “Oh Mairi, this is not good.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” I retort flatly, “I can’t get up.” The shame is still burning on my face.

“I’ll take you to the infirmary,” she says and I’d like to crawl in a hole and die.

“Let me do it,” Aaric approaches last, and punctuates his sentence with a yawn, “You’re helping train, and I’m not doing anything important.”

I think I’d rather walk than have Aaric carry me to the healers, but the first years are gathering and the looks of fear and pity are too much to take. “Fine,” I say shortly, “Aaric can take me. I don’t want to interrupt what you’re doing.” I tell Imogen who’s trying to make sure I won’t shatter to pieces at any given moment.

All the older ones do. Mairi’s little idiot sister. Always has to be kept safe. When I see Violet making her way this way, I grab Alaric’s pant leg and jerk on it, shame and guilt beginning to choke me, “Come on, Aaric. Let’s go.”

Do not be discouraged. Just because this small creature must carry you.

Please stop talking, I beg Thoirt. I know he’s doing it on purpose. I feel him chuckle.

Aaric scoops me up and begins to carry me inside. I see Violet pause, like she’s not going to come the rest of the way to me. I breathe a sigh of relief.

The Black Dragon Rider worries about you.

I’m aware, yes.

Then why do you run from her?

I’m pretty sure you know that, Thoirt.

She does, too, brat.

Do other dragons have nice names for their riders? Or are they all like you?

I am the only one like me.

I laugh and try to ignore that Aaric is carrying me like a princess across a threshold.

“Are you feeling okay?” Aaric asks, and it breaks me from my happy lull of arguing with Thoirt.

“You can see the bone sticking out of my leg, so what do you think, Greycastle?”

He sighs, “Of course. Forgot I’m not allowed to talk to you.”

“Um, you made that choice. You’re the one who did this to u-“ I cut myself off. I don’t want to finish it, but Aaric’s eyebrow raises all the same.

“Us? I did this to us?” He laughs incredulously, “Sloane, you’re the one who told me it was nothing. You’re the one who said there wasn’t an us. That there would never be an us.”

We reach the healers wing, “Whatever,” I heavily disagree, but I can’t say that with all of these strangers around, “You can be the martyr all you want.”

I know deep down he’s got a small point, but he’s got the timeline out of order. That happened first. Then I- I swallow and move on from the thought. Then he made himself present to comfort me for weeks. And then we- I blush. But the next day, he didn’t even talk to me. I thought there would something. Anything. But no, it was more of the same nothing. For weeks. Months. Like it didn’t happen. Like it didn’t matter.

The healer smiles warmly, and she practically bounces as she says, “Hello, how can I help-“ and then she sees my ankle and the cheery look falls, “That’s gonna need a mender.”

Figures.

#fourth wing #iron flame #iron flame spoilers #fanfiction #sloane #aaric

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masterqwertster · 1 year

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Ashton's talk with Laudna in E49 has battered me with ideas, so here's a short fic that has made me teary eyed, so I'm inflicting it on all of you.

Be perfectly warned that suicide ideation is very much a part of this because of the FCG martyrism, and it's almost definitely not handled well because these people don't really know how to handle it. Including me. I wrote this on vibes and emotions and zero experience in real life.

Enough On AO3

Sometimes you have to break the bone again if it’s to have even a remote chance at healing properly.

Ashton knows this. Their bones don’t break easily, but they’ve done the damage enough, set enough people to rights, to be perfectly aware of it.

And the thing is, medicine is medicine. Physical or mental, it’s the same sort of principles. Sometimes time and proper treatment will set you right, and sometimes you’ve got to bleed the poison, reset the break by breaking it again.

He’s tried, so fucking hard, to be gentle with Fresh Cut Grass. Hoped, maybe uselessly, that time and proper tending would fix the aeormaton’s broken parts.

And it’s worked in some places. Grass has found the backbone to not let everyone walk all over them (even if they nearly gave him a fucking heart attack first exerting that backbone against fucking Hexum).

But not this one. One of the important ones. And fuck, Ashton’s pretty sure they’ve reached the point where gentle just can’t cut it. This– This is going to hurt.

-------------------------

“Ashton, why aren’t you saying anything?” Imogen demands.

He can’t bring himself to look away from the campfire Bells Hells is gathered around, planning another desperate job. It needs to be done. He’s told himself this since Grass offered up that stupid fucking plan. Again. And he knows, if not now, then when? Will he ever make the point?

…Sometimes you have to fuck around and find out.

“Why should I? It’s not like Fresh Cut Grass cares how I feel.”

It’s bitter, so fucking bitter on their tongue, but they need to break so he can mend. And with the words out there, they realize how fucking tired they are of pretending that every time Grass does this it doesn’t hurt them.

“Wha–?! Ashton, that’s not true! I care a lot–”

“You don’t fucking show it!” Ashton cuts them off, growling. “I told you, my one fucking rule for being a part of this crew. One. Do you even remember what that rule is?”

“...W-we don’t… we don’t leave anyone behind?”

The answer is so fucking hesitant, and Ashton hates it, hates himself a little for pushing it that way. But sometimes to be cruel is to be kind, and Fresh Cut Grass is too fucking stubborn for this to sink in any other way.

“And what the fuck do you think you’re doing every time you offer to go on a suicide run on the off chance we just might have a better chance at success? Huh?”

“Y’all can bring me back–”

“Not if we’re dead too! Not if we can’t find some powerful fucker willing to even fucking try. ”

Ashton hasn’t forgotten how fucking close they came to not finding help in Whitestone for Laudna. How that fucking asshole lord would have undone all their hard work if that stupid undead bitch haunting Laudna had been present, despite having done nothing to the bastard in thirty fucking years with a Laudna who didn’t have a whole crew to help keep her in check. He thinks the holy baker might try to resurrect Grass if they supplied the materials. But anyone else? He has doubts others would even believe there is a soul to retrieve from death.

“But it’s not about whether we can bring you back from death or not,” Ashton says softly. “Not really. It’s about you, Fresh Cut Grass, fucking choosing to leave us all behind like that.”

“But the Changebringer says–”

“It’s a fucking coin, Letters. You’re the one who comes up with ideas of suicide. There’s no fucking goddess whispering in your ear, ‘Hey, you should fucking kill yourself.’ There’s just you, wanting to die, and that fucking coin you’re using to justify the idea.”

Ashton’s not against them finding religion. Hell, having a divine guide post will probably help. But. The blind and absolute faith in that fucking coin isn’t religion. It’s Grass still avoiding having active control over their own fucking life. And if the fucking Changebringer is actually answering every dumb fucking question Fresh Cut Grass asks that coin, Ashton just might have to find a way to send her to fucking Ruidus.

“I– I–”

“So if you want to fucking die so bad, get it over with. Because you’ve made it pretty fucking clear that us caring and wanting you fucking here, with us, doesn’t matter.”

They’re panting, drawing air through a running nose as tears they refuse to let fall gather in the corners of their eyes.

“I can’t do this anymore, Letters. Not when you’re making it inevitable because we’re not enough. I’m not enough.”

He laughs hollowly, and whispers, “I’m never fucking enough.”

And that was too far. Too vulnerable in front of the whole crew. They’re on their feet and gone from the camp to find something to hit before anyone can say anything. Or if they do say anything, Ashton doesn’t, can’t, hear it.

I’m never fucking enough.

Parents that had more interest in whatever fucking ritual killed at least one of them than being there to raise him into an adult. Friends who were family that wouldn’t risk the consequences of his more-than-near death experience, who couldn’t even be bothered to fucking come back for him years later.

That was the fucking realization he’d come to after waking up to only Milo. He thought he’d buried it deep enough to never pass his lips, make it real–

This is why he saved broken conversations for Laudna. The old spook understood without having to say the actual words because she had real fucking similar bullshit. And she bore it with a lot better grace than he did. It was comforting to think he could get there one day, maybe.

And maybe the Hells were different from whatever the fuck Hishari was, from the Nobodies. They were certainly trying. But Letters was breaking what little was left of their heart by being no different. Grass wanted to martyr himself more than he wanted to be here with Ashton, and the rest of the Hells.

I’m never fucking enough.

Ashton roars and punches the boulder they’d found.

--------------------------------

They stare at the retreating form of their best friend.

They’re panicking. They don’t– they can’t– Dancer is already gone– Not Ashton too–

He’s moving forward after them. He hasn’t got a clue what to say, what to do, it’s so terrifying to have to choose what to do, but there must be something. Why can’t the fucking Changerbringer give him more than a yes or no answer? The coin can’t choose for him like this!

Laudna steps between them, hides Ashton from his sight. Hands from behind halt his forward momentum.

Part of them wants to lash out. That’s Ashton, leaving. Ashton, who found them and cared for them and refused to leave them even though they murdered their associates, tried to do the same to Bells Hells– Why is the line drawn here? It’s the Changebringer making the choice, not them. Ashton didn’t blame them for snapping, didn’t think that was their choice. So why not this? And they’re not being allowed to go after him.

The others must be able to see the rising stress, because the hands loosen, Laudna’s posture softens as she crouches down to be eye level with him (he can’t see Ashton’s silhouette beyond her not again not again).

“Fresh Cut Grass, I know you’re upset, but you can’t go after them right now,” she softly says.

FCG thinks it’s meant to be soothing, but it just winds the stress a little tighter.

“Ashton loves you, don’t you ever doubt that. They’ve told me themself,” Laudna reassures him. “But, you also worry them, a lot, with your ‘desperate attempts at martyrism.’” He can hear the quotes as Laudna sing-songs the phrase. Of course he’s desperate. Look at all the blood he’s spilled. He has no blood of his own to spill in penance, just a mockery of life to offer in turn. “Honestly, you worry me, and the rest of us, I think, with that. And if you can’t stand by a decision to stop trying to unnecessarily martyr yourself, then any apology you would make to Ashton, any promise to do better, would be empty. And I think you know how Ashton feels about empty words and promises.”

And he does. Ashton hates when others don’t keep their end of a deal. He’s never said anything to Ashton that he doesn’t mean, only ever even lied to help his friends.

“...I-I don’t– I don’t want to give them an empty promise, but I don’t–”

An angered roar echoes back to the camp, one they know well. Ashton.

Not just anger either. Pain too. And their mind flashes back to the Spire by Fire, that first time Ashton let them and Imogen into his mind in hopes of finding answers about his past. He’s dead, just leave him. The flood of anger and pain that their Calm Emotions couldn’t restrain once it had been released. And Fresh Cut Grass has caused it this time.

“H-how do I fix this? I don’t know how to fix this,” FCG whines.

He loves to help other people with their problems, but when he’s the problem– Dancer told him to stay away, but he doesn’t want to stay away, can’t stay away. Not from her, not from Ashton. But staying away is the way he was told to fix it, so if he went as far away as possible…

“It’s not going to be easy, Fresh Cut,” Orym says, gently turning them to look at him. “But the first step is to listen to what Ashton was saying.”

“B-but I was listenin’.”

“And what did you hear?” Orym patiently asks.

FCG opens their mouth to reply, only to be cut off.

“Not their exact words, FCG. How would you say what they were saying?”

They ponder this. It was a lot . And very hurtful. And Ashton was hurting as much as he was hurting them.

It’s not like Fresh Cut Grass cares how I feel.

I’m not enough.

He’s dead, just leave him.

I’m never fucking enough.

“Ashton… feels like I don’t care about them?”

“Why?”

I told you, my one fucking rule for being a part of this crew.

There’s just you, wanting to die, and that fucking coin you’re using to justify the idea.

I can’t do this anymore, Letters. Not when you’re making it inevitable

It’s about you , Fresh Cut Grass, fucking choosing to leave us all behind like that.

“...Because… because… he thinks I’m makin’ bad choices? But I’m not good at makin’ choices! I don’t know how. ”

Chetney snorts. “Well you’re not going to get any better with that attitude. Take it from someone who actually remembers the past four centuries, part of living is learning from your mistakes and bad choices. And you’re gonna make a lot of ‘em before you actually get good at anything. But you,” and he points a chisel at Fresh Cut Grass, “are refusing to fucking learn or make new choices. And that’s the real problem. Can’t fix shit, can’t improve it, if you’re not willing to do something different.”

“...And what should I do different?” they desperately ask.

---------------------------

Ashton’s not sure how much later it is when they hear the creak of Fresh Cut Grass rolling their way, the soft exchange of words between him and Fearne (she’d followed him because Bells Hells didn’t let anyone go off alone if they could help it) before hooves clomp away.

“I’m sorry,” FCG says.

Ashton doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t move from where he’s reclined against the boulder.

“I… didn’t realize how much y’all cared about me bein’ here. How much you cared.”

“I told you before, a while back,” Ashton points out.

“...I might have thought that had to do with how useful you found me.”

“If it was about useful, I would like money better than you. You can get anything with money if you have enough of it.”

They can hear the creak of Grass nodding his head at that.

“I feel real guilty about the people I’ve killed.”

Ashton cracks an eye open at the admission.

“An’... I guess I thought dyin’ doin’ somethin’ good could make up for that? The others said if I wanted to really make up for murderin’ innocent folks, I ought to live and do as much good as I can for as long as I can.”

A soft grunt of acknowledgement leaves the genasi’s chest. “And are you?”

“I think I need to try. I want to try. And… I don’t want you to leave, like Dancer did. And I don’t want to leave you, like the Nobodies did. So, I’m really, really sorry, Ashton.”

Ashton lets out a big sigh. Then, in a surge of motion, they’ve drawn Fresh Cut Grass close, pressing their forehead to Grass’s faceplate.

“I told you: I want to be happy because you’re making me happy. That it would make me so fucking happy if you’d stop offering yourself up like a piece of meat. If you can do that, Letters, for real, then I’m here. For as long as I’m breathing and as long as you want me, I’m here, buddy.”

“I’m gonna try, Ashton. I promise.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #cr3 #cr c3 #cr campaign 3 #cr spoilers #cr c3 e49 #fanfic #ashton greymoore #fresh cut grass #fcg #fcg critical role #bells hells #this one's kinda sad y'all #happy ending though #MQfic

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artemis-pendragon · 2 years

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N I G H T M A R E (an Imodna one-shot)

At first, there is Imogen, and there is the storm.

When Laudna falls, there is nothing. Condensed, horrible nothing, a hole in the universe that is the universe because the thing that made it is gone.

"Is she your favorite?"

Imogen screams in her mind, tearing through the aether, claws through wet paper.

"Is she your favorite?"

Of course Laudna is her favorite. Laudna is her favorite thing about the world. Laudna is...

"Is she your favorite?"

Otohan sees into Imogen. In her head, pulling, testing. Imogen weathers it. She grits her teeth and braces. Otohan sees into Imogen's head and--

"Is she your favorite?"

Laudna rises, held up on a blade like a martyr. Her lips hold the shape of Imogen's name. There's confusion in her eyes, pain cloaked in adrenaline.

Then she's out, and Imogen breaks. The storm writhes and shrieks as it melds with her flesh and mind in a shattered spill of atoms woven so closely together they fuse. Sand struck by lightning, glass and grit. She screams and it sounds like wind, like a thunderclap. And then everything is white, a flash, a moment of surprise on Otohan's face as Imogen does her level best to blast their face off.

The dust clears, and the world is changed. Physically there is a ring of destruction around Imogen, ripples spreading from a pebble dropped in a pond. But she is not a pebble. She is not a stone.

Imogen is a storm.

Imogen is the storm, and the storm killed Laudna.

She knows before she knows. She always thought, in the cracks between consciousness where she dared think about such things, that if Laudna ever died left then Imogen would know.

Laudna is gone before Imogen reaches her.

That doesn't stop her from begging. From pleading. From rounding on the bitch that lives in Laudna's head like a rabid beast, furious and violent with pain, psychic blade honed and red, steel tempered with blood.

"Bring her back! I know you still want her." Pleas that are threats, and Imogen knows that Delilah feels it. Laudna's mind was music; now it's a beat without a song. The faint fuzz of Delilah clinging to nothing. To a spark. To a fading star.

The rest is a blur. Imogen freezes up, zones out, goes still and cold as the party argues over what to do, who they will choose. She feels unreal, like a ghost in someone else's dream.

Nightmare.

This is worse than the storm.

Imogen knows now what it means when Laudna says "the worst thing that's ever happened to me has already happened". But she's not happy. She's not cheerful, vibrant even through death.

Laudna dies, and Imogen goes with her.

Laudna dies, and in the end, there is only the storm.

#wrote this on my notes app at 11am at a pub lol #what do you mean im not coping?? im fine!! im so normal about this!!! :)))#imodna #critical role #imodna fanfic #cr laudna #imogen temult #critical role fanfiction #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #artemis writes

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thepowerofhornyness · 2 years

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I’m gonna babble really hard here ‘cause I just finished the ep, so let me start by saying that I obviously don’t hate the people on the table or whatever, because by the end of the post you will see that I’m thrilled to see the ramifications of c3ep34 and how they will affect the rest of the campaign and because I have more to do than to be mad at real people because of a make believe game lmao

I’m really sad that Laudna was chosen instead of Oryn. That is a deep tragedy on this when you look at her story until now and the fact that, to me, it would feel much satisfying storywise for Oryn to go(even if I love him).

For Laudna, who heard Delilah say, as a pure means of manipulation that her friends would abandon her a couple of episodes ago not be chosen by them hurts. For her, who struggled with the question “did I ever live in the first place?” be put in second place thanks to her undead nature by the woman she loves most, almost looks like a cosmic confirmation of her insecurities and past tragedies because the decision was not made with this ramifications in mind

Even if it came from a place of logic or luck, even if I like the way it worked out, even when it came down to good sounding arguments, those points make this even more painful when looking at a character with a tragic backstorie like Laudna because it really does feel like the universe is siding against her at all costs. That the best choice the world gives to the people around her IS to make her a second choice, if not an instrument, even when the situation around her change and she finds people at her side. And I really like this direction too storywise!

Emotionally, I wanted them to bring her back because of her positive outlook on life! And the way she sees Imogen and Is seen by her and all their new friends! And because I hate the idea that she is somehow passing time with her undead-patron-abuser-murderer. To Laudna who was used since early in her life as a means to hurt someone else, as an weapon for other powers, to not only suffer the same fate but be(in theory) in the hands again of the women who did this is the first place, makes me real sad lol

And now all I’m thinking about is: “How will they react to it from now on?” Because I really want to see how this affects them!!! And I don’t think Oryn dying would have the same effect!!

Like, Ashton was really stressed on that fight, I think he was the person most conected to Laudna outside of Imogen, will he snap more now? Willl the revelations of his family factor into that? One of FCG’s last interaction with her was the murderbot thing! And Imogen. Who even is her without Laudna as a factor? How will she react to her own powers in the next episodes? And Oryn

Oryn would be the perfect death. Tis’ there I said it. I love him BUT he would be the best of the 3 to pass on storywise(to me), would be even more perfect than Molly was in c2 actually. You see, he would be a great martyr, something that he already see himself as in some capacity I think. He would stay with his husband in the afterlife for eternity after trying, and being really successful honestly, at doing good whenever he goes, at making new friends and being special to them, at finding the people responsible for that tragedy and be sure in Elysum or whenever he finds himself in that the friends he did would sure as hell avenge him. He would unite more the bells and bla bla bla.

But we didn’t get that, now he’s back and I concur with FCG/Sam when he says that Oryn would choose her, and I think the little guy see this too. BUT, The way things ended is much more fun to me. CR is a slow ass burn in its story telling and I think the least “predictable” situation is the best, even if it doesn’t looks like the most satisfying right away(not to me I’m loving it already lol), because they have time to work this trough.

Yet I still feel really sad about Laudna, I wish her life wasn’t the quasi-classical tragedy it is. But I’m excited about what the future brings ahead!!! I like to toy with the idea of Marisha making Laudna salty about what happened but realistically I think she would be ok with how it played out, which adds again to the pile of tragedy she’s in but that’s part of the charm of her character, lmao

#cr spoilers #laudna #c3 #c3e34 #critical role #also I want to see Marisha rooking a new character lmaaaao #even mechanically I think it’s more sound to revive Oryn since he’s a frontlines actually #but idk I feel like I’m seeing too much shadows on the wall already #just babbling #don’t hate me please I don’t even post here often #also #there was this thing Matt said after the Gentle Repose that I missed #but it sounds creepy nonetheless #sorry for the babble #please ignore the mistakes it’s the middle of the night and I’m not gonna correct them lmao

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bytheangell · 3 years

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All That I’ve Got

Read on AO3 (a s02e10 inspired fic) Jace is no stranger to putting on a brave face and dealing with his thoughts on his own. It’s what he’s always done, from his time as a child trying so hard to prove he was as callous as a good soldier needed to be, to his time with the Lightwoods desperate not to be more of a burden to the family that took him in, to his casual romantic partners who never went beyond a surface awareness of who Jace really is and what he’s really thinking. And this… this is going to be no different.

Because there’s only one person Jace wants to talk to just then, to pour his heart out to about Valentine and Clary and Simon and everything, and it happens to be the same person he can’t bring himself to face.

Alec.

The look of horror, of disappointment and disgust on Alec’s face when he learned the sword was activated, and activated by Jace, isn’t one he’s ever going to forget. He’s annoyed Alec before, angered him with his reckless decisions more times than either of them can count, but this? This is different.

Because of him, dozens of Downworlders are dead.

Because of him, Magnus might be dead.

Jace doesn’t know what he’ll do if Magnus is among the casualties of the Soul Sword. He doesn’t know how his parabatai will ever be able to look at him again, much less forgive him… Not that Jace expects to be forgiven. Not for any of it, he doesn’t deserve it, because he played right into Valentine’s hands.

You’re nothing if not predictable, son

Because that’s how you are, always ready to right the wrong.

Valentine knew. He knew, and he played Jace every step of the way. And Jace should’ve known better. He should’ve seen it coming, and been more cautious. Instead, he did what he always did, and tried to be the martyr, to live up to the savior complex he’s been accused of having time and time again.

But there was one thing Valentine hadn’t accounted for.

You are not my son. I’m not your father. Jocelyn is not your mother. And Clary… Clary is not your sister. More lies.

Don’t I wish. Truth sword, remember?

The Soul Sword. Holding it, Valentine was unable to lie. Jace wonders if he ever would’ve learned the truth otherwise - clearly Valentine had no intentions of telling him or Clary that they weren’t related. Jace thought he’d feel some sort of relief over not being the son of that psychopath, but he doesn’t. It doesn’t change the fact that Valentine raised him. All it changes is that Jace, who already feels disconnected from the family names he’s associated with throughout his life, now has no family name at all. It isn’t as if he had time to chat with Valentine about whether not being his son means his real father was Michael Wayland, or if that was just a convenient cover, just another lie. He has no idea who he is, no family lineage to claim. Amidst the current chaos, this jarring revelation leaves Jace feeling particularly unmoored.

Does he wish he was Valentine’s son? No. Yes. Maybe? Would that be easier, somehow, than having no biological connection to the man whose voice he hears in the back of his mind after every failure and every success in equal measure?

Or does Jace simply wish he still thought he was Clary’s brother because it would make the ache of not having her hurt that much less just now? Because knowing changes everything, but at the same time it changes nothing, because she’s with Simon, and despite what some people might think he isn’t a complete asshole. He isn’t going to swoop in and try to break them up while they’re happy - and they are happy. They’re good for each other, and they have a simple, carefree sort of happiness that Jace knows deep down he can never bring her, not with the baggage he carries.

It’s a lot to think about. It’s almost too much, when added to the rows of bodies he walks past on his way back through the Institute. Vampires, werewolves, seelies, warlocks… people who put aside every doubt they had in believing the word of a Shadowhunter. People who trusted him with their lives, and lost them because of it.

The Downworlders will never be able to trust a Shadowhunter’s word again, and that’s on him. Him and his predictability. Him, and how easily manipulated he is under Valentine’s influence, even after all these years. He wants to stay and help, wants to try and make up for the damage he’s done, but it’s obvious his presence isn’t wanted. Murmurs and speculations follow him, and every gaze that lands on him is hateful or fearful - sometimes both. His presence is obviously not helping, so he does the only thing he can to make things better for everyone: he leaves.

Jace is quick to make his way through the quiet halls. Despite being full of people, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, there’s a somber silence that fills the Institute today. Any voices are quiet, hushed tones of despair and even anger quieted out of respect for the fallen. It only makes the thoughts in his head that much louder, his heavy, booted footsteps echoing against the old stone as he makes his way somewhere private.

It doesn’t take long for his already troubled thoughts to begin a steady downward spiral until he hears footsteps approaching, wondering if it would be Aldertree or Imogen, or some other Clave official sent to find him.

The last person he expects to see is Alec.

“Jace?” Alec’s voice isn’t full of anger or accusation. His expression isn’t one of hate or mistrust. There’s only a quiet sympathy, and a hesitation not out of fear but concern.

“Alec,” Jace breathes out his parabatai’s name in surprise. “Magnus, is he- did you-”

“He’s fine,” Alec’s quick to reassure him, and Jace feels every muscle in his body slump in relief.

“Good,” Jace says.

“What about you?” Alec asks, and there’s that concern again.

“What about me?” Jace echoes, aware of how hollow the words sound in his own ears.

“How are you?” Alec asks again.

The question catches Jace by surprise.

Besides himself, there’s no Shadowhunter who will suffer from the fallout of today more than Alec, yet here he is coming to check up on Jace. Here Alec is, not with the boyfriend he nearly lost but checking in with his obviously hurting parabatai.

Jace had been wrong before... this, this is too much. This is his breaking point: the moment he realizes that Alec still loves him, still cares for him and about him, even now. Even after everything that just transpired and Jace’s role in it.

So, finally, Jace allows himself to break. He talks, explaining everything to Alec, confessing everything to Alec. There are a few tears and a lot of regrets, but mostly there’s a sense of relief. Alec doesn’t leave. He doesn’t blame Jace, doesn’t even raise his voice. But most importantly he stays.

It’s a small comfort he knows he doesn’t deserve but one he clings to all the same, to know that no matter what else Jace ruined today, he hasn’t ruined them. Even if Alec is the only person left by his side in the end, that would be more than enough.

#jace herondale #alec lightwood #parabatai feels #shadowhunters #valentine morgenstern #my coda series continues with more introspective scene fill POVs!#this week featuring ALL THE JACE ANGST #elle writes a few deadbeat lines #long post

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alystayr · 3 years

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Playlist musicale 2021 (1/2)

Liste des chansons (playlist 2021 - part. 1)

Mise à jour : 30 juin 2021

playlist 2020 (part.2), playlist 2020 (part. 1)

playlist 2019 (part.2), playlist 2019 (part. 1)

playlist 2018 (part. 2), playlist 2018 (part. 1)

playlist 2017 (part. 2), playlist 2017 (part. 1)

playlist 2016 (part. 2), playlist 2016 (part. 1)

playlist 2015

0-9 #

AC/DC - Demon Fire (2020)

Bryan Adams - Summer Of '69 (1985)

Alabama Shakes - Hold On (2012)

America - A horse with no name (1971)

Angèle - Balance Ton Quoi (2018)

Archive - Fool (2002)

Jean-Louis Aubert - Bien Sûr (2019)

Asaf Avidan - Different Pulses (2012)

George Baker - Little Green Bag (from Reservoir Dogs) (1969)

Band Of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You (2007)

The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever (1967)

Jeff Beck (feat. Imogen Heap) - Blanket (2007)

Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive (from Saturday Night Fever) (1977)

Chuck Berry - Darlin' (2017)

The Black Keys (cover John Lee Hooker) - Crawling Kingsnake (2021)

Black Pistol Fire - Morning Star (2016)

Black Pumas - Colors (2019)

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - What Ever Happened To My Rock And Roll (2001)

Black Sabbath - God Is Dead? (2013)

Blind Melon - No Rain (1992)

Blondie - Heart Of Glass (1978)

The Blue Stones - Black Holes (Solid Ground) (2015)

The Blues Mystery - Back to the Dirty Town (2013)

Blues Traveler - Run-Around (1995)

Blur (Feat. Phil Daniels) - Parklife (1994)

David Bowie - Survive (1999)

Jacques Brel - La chanson des vieux amants (1967)

Brigitte - Battez-Vous (2010)

Francis Cabrel - Peuple des fontaines (2020)

J.J. Cale - Durango (1997)

CAN - Vitamin C (1972)

Cats on trees - Sirens call (2013)

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Distant Sky (2016)

Tracy Chapman - Give Me One Reason (1995)

Joe Cocker (cover Randy Newman) - You Can Leave Your Hat On (from 9½ Weeks) (1986/1972)

CocoRosie - Did Me Wrong (2020)

Cœur de pirate (feat. Loud) - Dans la nuit (2018)

Leonard Cohen - Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye (1967)

The Cranberries - Animal Instinct (1999)

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son (1969)

Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy (1996)

Eddy de Pretto - Bateaux-Mouches (2020)

Lana Del Rey - Chemtrails Over The Country Club (2021)

Depeche Mode - Freelove (2001)

Détroit - Null And Void (2013)

Dinosaur Jr - Freak Scene (1988)

Dire Straits - Expresso Love (1980)

Eels - Earth To Dora (2020)

Eminem (feat. Anderson .Paak) - Lock It Up (2020)

Endless Boogie - The Artemus Ward (2013)

Piers Faccini - Foghorn Calling (2021)

Mylène Farmer - Fuck them all (2005)

Léo Ferré – Les anarchistes (1969)

Feu! Chatterton - Monde Nouveau (2021)

Foo Fighters - Walk (2011)

Maxime Le Forestier - Saltimbanque (1975)

Foster The People - Sit Next to Me (2017)

Franz Ferdinand - Michael (2004)

Fugees - Ready or Not (1996)

Peter Gabriel - Mercy Street (1986)

Serge Gainsbourg - Requiem Pour Un Con (1968)

France Gall - Evidemment (1987)

Genesis - Invisible Touch (1986)

Girls in Hawaii - Found in the Ground (2002)

Goldfrapp - Ooh La La (2005)

Jean-Jacques Goldman - Comme toi (1982)

Grand Corps Malade & Louane - Derrière le brouillard (2020)

Juliette Greco - Le p'tit bal perdu (1961)

Greta Van Fleet - Age of Machine (2020)

Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine (1987)

Bill Haley & His Comets - Rock Around The Clock (1954)

PJ Harvey - Dress (1992)

Murray Head - Say It Ain't So Joe (1975)

Heartless Bastards - Revolution (2020)

Bernard Herrmann - Taxi Driver (theme) (1976)

The Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So (2000)

The Hollies - Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress) (1971)

Hollywood Undead (feat. Hyro The Hero) - Comin' Thru The Stereo (2021)

Romain Humeau - Echos (2020)

IDLES - Mr. Motivator (2020)

Interpol - Stella Was A Diver (2002)

Iron Maiden - Hallowed Be Thy Name (1982)

Michael Jackson - Black or White (1991)

The Jesus And Mary Chain (Feat. Hope Sandoval) - Sometimes Always (1994)

Quincy Jones - Soul Bossa Nova (1962)

Kaleo - Backbone (2020)

Kansas - Dust in the Wind (1977)

The Killers - Caution (2020)

The Kills - The Search For Cherry Red (2020)

Kings Of Leon - The Bandit (2021)

Kiss - Heaven's On Fire (1984)

Lenny Kravitz - Are You Gonna Go My Way (1993)

Kyo - Le Graal (2014)

Led Zeppelin - Since I've Been Loving You (1970)

Liars - Sekwar (2021)

Limp Bizkit (Feat. Lil Wayne) - Ready To Go (2013)

Louise Attaque - La plume (2000)

Mad Season - Wake Up (1995)

Manu Chao – Clandestino (1998)

Laura Marling - What He Wrote (2010)

Memphis Slim - Born With The Blues (1972)

Metronomy - Walking In The Dark (2019)

Mickey 3D - La mort du peuple (2005)

Steve Miller Band - Jet Airliner (1977)

The Mission - Wasteland (1986)

Moby - Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? (1999)

Mogwai - It's What I Want To Do, Mum (2021)

Moondog - New Amsterdam (1997)

Morcheeba - Sweet L.A. (2018)

Motörhead - Till The End (2015)

Jason Mraz - I'm Yours (2005)

Muse - Supermassive Black Hole (2006)

Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile (1999)

Nirvana - All Apologies (1993)

Noir Désir - Aux sombres héros de l'amer (1989)

Claude Nougaro (cover Chico Buarque) - Tu verras (1978)

Oasis - D'You Know What I Mean? (1997)

Of Montreal - The Past Is A Grotesque Animal (2007)

The Offspring - Why Don't You Get A Job? (1998)

Panaviscope – Sham (2020)

Pigalle - Dans La Salle Du Bar-Tabac De La Rue Des Martyrs (1990)

Pink Floyd - Us And Them (1973)

The Police - Synchronicity II (1983)

Pomme (cover Mylène Farmer) - Désenchantée (2020/1991)

Iggy Pop - Dirty Little Virus (2020)

Portishead - Chase The Tear (2009)

Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still (2017)

The Pretty Reckless - My Bones (2021)

Queen - The Miracle (1989)

Queens of the Stone Age - Go With The Flow (2002)

The Raconteurs – Broken Boy Soldier (2006)

Rammstein - Du Hast (1997)

Chris Rea - The Blue Cafe (1998)

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Suck My Kiss (1992)

Lou Reed (cover The Drifters) - This Magic Moment (1995/1960)

R.E.M. - What's The Frequency, Kenneth? (1994)

Renaud - Mistral gagnant (1985)

Rival Sons - Too Bad (2019)

The Rolling Stones - Star Star (1973)

Royal Blood - Typhoons (2021)

David Lee Roth - Just Like Paradise (1987)

La Rue Ketanou - Le Capitaine de la Barrique (2014)

Olivia Ruiz - De Toi A Moi (2003)

Santana (cover Fleetwood Mac) - Black Magic Woman (1970)

Shocking Blue - Venus (1969)

Simple Minds - Mandela Day (1989)

The Sisters of Mercy - Emma (1987)

Slayer - Raining Blood (1986)

Sasha Sloan (feat. Sam Hunt) - when was it over? (2020)

The Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm (1993)

Patti Smith - Rock N Roll Nigger (1978)

The Smiths - Barbarism Begins at Home (1985)

Sonny & The Sunsets - Too Young to Burn (2009)

Regina Spektor - One Little Soldier (from Scandale) (2019)

Spoon - The Way We Get By (2002)

Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band - Backstreets (1975)

St. Vincent - Los Ageless (2017)

Stereophonics - Bust This Town (2019)

Sub Urban - Cradles (2021)

Superbus - Mes Défauts (2010)

James Supercave - Better Strange (2016)

Taylor Swift (feat. Bon Iver) – Exile (2020)

System Of A Down - Spiders (1998)

Téléphone - Au coeur de la nuit (1980)

Têtes Raides - Tam Tam (2007)

Charles Trenet - Je chante (1937)

Tool - Schism (2001)

Tina Turner - The Best (1989)

U2 - Angel Of Harlem (1988)

Van Morrison - Country Fair (1974)

Laurent Voulzy - Rockollection (1977)

Tom Waits - Wrong Side Of The Road (1978)

Weezer - Beverly Hills (2005)

The White Stripes - Hotel Yorba (2001)

Amy Winehouse - Fuck Me Pumps (2003)

Woodkid - In Your Likeness (2020)

Wovenhand - Crook and Flail (2016)

Shannon Wright - Division (2017)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll (2009)

Yes - Roundabout (1971)

#Musique #Listes #Playlist #2021 #Rock #Pop #Electro #Blues #Metal

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robbiessutcliffe · 5 years

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Imogen X F!MC (Ariana) Fluff ABCs

A/N : I haven’t seen many fics about Imogen... And I absolutely love her, especially with my MC, Ariana, so I had to write this!

Pairing : Imogen X Ariana (F!MC)

Summary : Just some fluff ABCs (courtesy of @pixelburied )

Word Count : 3,577 (this is a lot longer than I originally expected)

Tag List (if you want to be included in the tags in the future, just tell me!) : @melodyofgraves @brightpinkpeppercorn

A = Anger (what was their first fight about?) :

Their first fight took place about three weeks after they had started officially dating, just as they were leaving that “honeymoon phase.” Imogen was staying the night at the Vance’s house with her, but Ariana… Well, she had barely looked away from her laptop. She had been busy the entire day getting overdue assignments turned in to her classes, to make sure that she was able to keep up her good grades. But, she had barely gotten any sleep due to that fact.

Her girlfriend was simply getting worried, due to the fact that Ariana seemed absolutely exhausted. So, she did what any girlfriend would do, and suggested that she should stop for the night. However, Ariana snapped back at her without even thinking, due to lack of sleep. Imogen wasn't happy with that response, and… Let's just say things escalated into a bit of yelling, before Imogen practically trapped Ariana to the bed by wrapping herself around her, and the problem was solved as they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Obviously, it wasn’t anything big, but both absolutely hated it, because they didn’t like being angry at each other. They’ve barely fought ever since, unless it’s over petty things that they can laugh over afterwards.

B = Best (what would they say is the other's best trait?) :

After a long time of deliberation, Imogen would finally decide that her favorite trait of Ariana’s is her selflessness. She knows that she can always count on Ariana to help her whenever she needs help, or to listen to her whenever she simply needs to be listened to. But, she also hates that about her, considering the amount of times Ariana has either gotten hurt or in some kind of trouble because of it.

Ariana, meanwhile, wouldn’t take that long to decide. She’s always appreciated Imogen’s generous spirit. She loves how kind Imogen is to everyone she meets (unless she has a reason not to be), and how willing she is to help people. They’re both similar in that manner, for being the ‘martyr-type,’ and while it does cause some trouble for them, they both love each other just as much for that.

C = Camera (how do they document their relationship?) :

They both love documenting their relationship in almost every way. Both of them love taking pictures, especially of each other, or while on dates. Sometimes they’ll even have Danni take more professional photos of them. Neither of them mind posting the pictures to the internet, as they’re very open with their relationship, but a lot of the pictures they keep for themself, just as little treasures that they’re able to remember specific moments by.

Apart from pictures, they do document it in other ways. Ariana is something of a collector, so she usually picks up some sort of souvenir or token to remember every one of their dates. She didn’t show these things to Imogen for a while, but when her girlfriend questioned her about it, she did show all of the “tokens” to her. Imogen found it adorable.

Oh, and perhaps it should be mentioned that once, Imogen commissioned an artist to paint a portrait of the two of them, mostly as a joke, on their first anniversary.

D = Dates (what are their dates like?) :

Their dates vary, quite often. They like to take turns planning their dates, so that they continue to get that variety, and the dates never disappoint. Quite often, Imogen is the one to plan the more daring dates (white water rafting and bungee jumping are among the most memorable), but she also plans some of the most classy dates, of going to restaurants or to botanical gardens.

Ariana, meanwhile, likes to plan dates that are more simple. This may be because these are the dates she always imagined going on when she was younger. She likes going out to lunch, or just stopping by the bakery. And, being the pop culture fan she is, she loves going to the movies. Besides, someone has to be the more calm one in their relationship.

E = Early (what was their first month of dating like?) :

After Ariana finally asked Imogen out while they were hanging out at the bakery, they were both very clearly happy. To not be pining after each other, and instead actually be able to show their feelings? It was amazing.

They entered something like a “honeymoon phase,” and were practically inseparable. Ariana often stayed the night at Imogen’s, or the other way around (most of these nights were just pure cuddles, despite what many must be thinking). They never really had any awkward moments between them. Really, they just took their first month of being together as a chance to truly get to know each other, as both partners and as closer friends.

F = Friends (how is their relationship with each other's group of friends?) :

They get along perfectly with each other’s friends — especially because they’re in the same main friend group. Other than those friends, though, Ariana never really made any friends in the town, and she didn’t really have any friends before that either. Imogen, however, is friends with almost everyone in the town. Her girlfriend doesn’t know most of them, and doesn’t really care to know them, but she is on friendly terms with the people that Imogen is closest to.

G = Gifts (do they like giving each other gifts? what kinds?) :

Unsurprisingly, Imogen loves giving gifts. It’s just in her generous nature. It helps that she has a lot of money to spend on those gifts. And as she’s told Ariana many times, she’d be willing to spend every penny on her, even if it was just on something small. And yet, despite Imogen saying this, Ariana doesn’t really like receiving gifts. She doesn’t really have much money, especially compared to Imogen, so she always feels bad when getting some expensive gift from her girlfriend.

Because of this, they made a deal. On any normal day, the only gifts Imogen is allowed to give are her endless affection — meaning lots of kisses, hugs, and cuddles. But on holidays, Imogen is allowed to go all out. And she took “all out” literally, especially on Ariana’s birthday, when she rented out an entire zoo, just because she knew how much Ariana loves animals. She also got a diamond necklace that day, and a sumatran tiger adopted for her (though it still lives in the wild of Indonesia, obviously).

H = Hugs (all things involving hugs) :

It’s not really surprising that Imogen is the one who usually loves giving hugs. Even before they were dating, she constantly gave Ariana hugs, so now that they are actually together? It’s basically a constant cuddlefest. Not that Ariana minds. She loves the surprise hugs from behind, or the hugs where Imogen cuddles under her arms and rests her head against her chest. She loves all of it, so there’s definitely no complaining on her end.

I = Inside Jokes (do they have any? what are they?) :

Quite often, Imogen will warn Ariana not to fall out of or off of anything. The reasoning for this is pretty easy to understand… Ariana is quite clumsy, as has a habit from falling. She once got drunk during a frat party in college that she was forced to go to, and fell out of one of the first story windows into a bush. That seemed to start it all. She’s fallen out of bed countless times, has fallen into Imogen’s pool an embarrassing amount of times, and whenever they go into the forest on horse rides, she’s always determined to climb a tree, despite knowing that she’ll almost always fall. The only one in their group that understands this other than them is Elliot, as he knows of his sister’s tendency to fall.

They do have a few other than that. Such as, they’ll often talk about the previously mentioned tiger that they adopted as if he’s their own child. Many people get confused by this.

“Have you heard anything about Rhys lately, Genny?”

“I can’t say that I have… I hope he’s doing okay.”

“I’m sure they’d call us if he weren’t. But if he is hurt, you better believe that they will have a lawsuit upon them!”

“Not really though.”

“No, probably not.”

J = Jealousy (who gets jealous easier? how do they show their jealousy?) :

Though she denies it every time it’s brought up, Ariana gets jealous easier than Imogen. She doesn’t exactly get jealous of people, but of how Imogen acts towards them. She doesn’t particularly like it when other people hug Imogen, most of all. But she doesn’t do anything to stop it, as she knows that Imogen is friends with all of these people, and she doesn’t want to stop that. Imogen doesn’t mind the fact that Ariana is a little bit possessive, and actually finds it kind of cute. So whenever she gets back from hanging out with a friend, she makes sure to reserve a little bit of time for just her and Ariana, when they usually simply talk and cuddle up with each other.

K = Kiss (how do they kiss? who usually initiates?) :

Contrary to how Imogen usually gives hugs first, Ariana is quite often the one to initiate their kisses. She loves giving Imogen kisses, as her girlfriend usually blushes a small bit despite being used to it, and Ariana thinks that it’s one of the cutest things in the world. So, she loves giving kisses. It doesn’t matter where. Sometimes it’ll be a kiss on the forehead, on the nose, the cheek, maybe on her fingertips, or on her wrist, or on her shoulder. She’ll practically place a kiss on any skin that’s bare to her, as long as she’s sure that Imogen is comfortable with it. Which, she usually is, unless there’s too many people around. In that case, Ariana will stick mostly with quick little kisses on the cheek, forehead, or lips, but nothing too much.

L = Love (how do they say those three words?) :

It was about four months into their relationship that the words were finally spoken. Ariana had known for quite a bit of time before she managed to say the words. Despite knowing, she held back from doing so, because she had never been in a real relationship before, so she was very anxious about whether it was too soon.

But, one day, they were swimming in the lake together, and had just gotten out to dry off. She saw Imogen’s bright smile, and how her curly hair was a mess due to being wet. And she couldn’t help it when the words just tumbled out of her. She was terrified that Imogen would react badly, but after a moment of Imogen actually processing the fact that her girlfriend had just seemingly read her mind, she threw herself in Ariana’s arms and returned the words without hesitation.

M = Movies (what kind of movies do they watch together? do they watch movies regularly?) :

They do quite enjoy watching movies together, though they don’t really agree on a favorite genre. Ariana’s favorite kinds of movies are thrillers and mysteries, while Imogen’s are romcoms, or plain comedies. However, they have managed to find quite a few movies that they love to watch together. And they’re always willing to branch out and watch different genres.

Plus, watching movies gives them a chance to cuddle up together. So of course they love it.

N = Nicknames (what are some names they call each other?) :

Both of them have quite a few different nicknames that they call the other. Though, Ariana seems to use them a lot more often, and also seems to come up with a lot more. In fact, when Ariana and Imogen first started going out, Elliot found it important to warn Imogen that Ariana absolutely loves nicknames and pet names.

Some of Ariana’s favorite nicknames that she has for Imogen include sweetheart, buttercup, speckles (she thinks that this is quite a clever pun, as speckle sounds similar to spectacle, and Imogen has glasses, and Imogen also has freckles, which is a synonym for speckles. Imogen doesn’t mind it, as she thinks it’s cute that Ariana put so much thought into it), baby bear, and cupcake. Though, she has plenty more that she uses.

O = One (what was the moment that they realized they were the one?) :

Ariana knows very specifically, which moment that she realized that Imogen was the only one she wanted to be with. They were walking through the town together, hand-in-hand. It wasn’t exactly a date — they were simply spending time together. When they neared the bakery, Imogen started tugging on her hand ever-so-slightly, asking repeatedly to stop for just a moment. Upon seeing Imogen’s excitement, Ariana felt her heart swell, and she recalls thinking that they could do anything that Imogen wanted, as long as she stayed happy. Thinking that she wouldn’t be able to stand not seeing her happy. And she simply wanted to make Imogen happy for the rest of her life, if she could.

Imogen, meanwhile, has a bit of a difficult time placing her finger on the moment that she realized it. She says that it was something like a gradual realization, just little moments where she thought to herself that she simply didn’t know what it’d be like without Ariana. So it wasn’t exactly a specific moment, but it was still an important realization, of course.

P = Pizza (what's their favorite food to eat together?) :

This is an easy answer. Almost any kind of pastries. It reminds them of what they both consider to be their first real date, when they went to the bakery for breakfast together. That same bakery was also the place where Ariana actually asked Imogen to be her girlfriend. So, that bakery, and any of the pastries that they make there, remind them of many happy memories.

Q = Quit (do they break up, or almost break up? what happened?) :

Two months after everything happened, and Ariana was packing up to head back to college, both were mildly panicking. Ariana didn’t know if she’d be able to make it through a long distance relationship, especially considering that this was her first real relationship. Neither of them knew if they’d actually be able to keep up with it, and not grow a little distanced. But they talked it out, and they figured that they might as well try. And they’re both incredibly glad that they did, as it’s hard for them to imagine not being with the other.

R = Rainy Days (how do they comfort each other on bad days?) :

If either of them are ever having a bad day, they both know exactly how to help. Imogen will pull Ariana to bed, and wrap them both in blankets, and simply lay down with her. She’ll run her thumbs over Ariana’s knuckles, and draw patterns in her skin with her fingers. Sometimes, It helps Ariana calm down, and she usually falls asleep eventually.

Meanwhile, if Ariana sees that Imogen is upset in anyway, she’ll immediately go to Imogen’s stables and ready two horses for a ride. Then they’ll ride through the forest together, usually in silence, before Imogen starts talking about why she’s upset. Usually, they’ll arrive back in high spirits, with the mood lifted.

S = Soft (what's something one of them did that turned the other into mush?) :

Sometimes, Ariana will sing softly to herself. It was something that she never noticed herself doing, until Imogen pointed it out one day. Though she’s incredibly embarrassed by that fact, as she knows that she doesn’t exactly have the prettiest voice ever, she continues to do it, because Imogen absolutely loves it when she sings to her. It’s actually not uncommon for Imogen to ask Ariana to sing her to sleep.

T = Texting (do they text each other a lot? what do they usually talk about over the phone?) :

When not together, they’re almost always texting, unless they’re doing something so incredibly important that they can’t. After all, with Ariana not in Pine Springs while in college, they have to keep in contact somehow. So, they do this by texting, calling, and facetiming. They’ll talk about anything and everything through the phone, unless they feel it’s so important that they have to talk about it face to face. Their favorite texts to send to each other are good morning and goodnight texts.

U = Unique (what are some of their odd habits that surprised the other?) :

Something that surprises most people, is that Ariana is actually quite routine-based. This is surprising due to the fact that she always seems to do things very spontaneously. And she usually does, any time besides the morning. After waking up, she has an exact morning routine. Wake Elliot, eat breakfast, brush her teeth, take a shower, and get ready. If she does even one thing out of order, she’s convinced it’ll throw off her entire day. The only exception on that list is waking Elliot, due to the fact that he’s not always around.

Imogen didn’t really have any habits, or anything, that surprised Ariana, as she seemed quite straightforward in those kinds of things. But one thing that did surprise her a bit, when they first became friends, was the fact that Imogen didn’t constantly post on social media. She had come around to thinking that all popular girls, like Imogen, were obsessed with that, as that’s how it seemed back where she originally lived.

V = Vanity (what's something they're proud of in themselves and in their partner?) :

Imogen is very proud of the fact that her girlfriend is studying to become a lawyer. Sure, she doesn’t like how Ariana can often get too focused on her work, but she loves talking about how one day the girl she loves is going to be one of the best lawyers in the country. Ariana always gets pretty embarrassed when she says things like that, but she truthfully doesn’t mind. It helps boost up her confidence a lot.

Meanwhile, Ariana is proud of Imogen’s powers. Not for the fact that she has them, but for the fact that she was able to keep them, even when her mother tried taking them away. She knows that it took a lot of strength to keep them despite the ritual. Imogen is very proud of this fact as well.

W = Wedding (have they had one, or have they even thought of going that far yet?) :

Both of them have thought about getting married, and they talk about it often. Not directly about one of them proposing, but what they’d want their wedding to be like. Already, they’ve planned quite a bit of it, including the color scheme (navy blue and seafoam green), their maid of honors (man of honor, in the case of Tom, who’s Ariana’s best friend, and then Danni is Imogen’s), and more, even though they aren’t even engaged.

But, the fact that they aren’t engaged brings up another point. They may not be engaged to marry, but they both know that Ariana is planning on it. That was basically addressed when Ariana gave Imogen a promise ring. A promise to loving her always — and a promise to make that come true by proposing in the future. She gave Imogen the small diamond-encrusted ring on Imogen’s birthday, after the party and after all of the excitement of the day.

X = X (what's something they hate about the other?) :

It’s not really a hatred towards it, but Imogen strongly dislikes the fact that Ariana focuses on her work so much. She knows that it’s important for Ariana to do her schoolwork and all, but she knows that sometimes, she pushes herself a little too far, and she’s exhausted the next day. But that seems to be the only thing that she’d ever complain about when it comes to her girlfriend.

Ariana, on the other hand? She claims that she loves every single thing about Imogen, and she does. For the most part. The only thing she doesn’t like is Imogen’s perkiness in the morning. She only has the strength to finish her morning routine and get out the door, so she has no idea how Imogen manages to be so happy in the morning.

Y = YouTube (what are they like online? do they post about their relationship constantly?) :

As a matter of fact, they don’t. At the very beginning of their relationship, both of them did seem to post about their relationship constantly. This was because they were both so happy, and they wanted everyone else to know it. But as they settled more into their relationship, they didn’t find it a necessity. They still post about their relationship and about each other, but not nearly as much as they once did.

Z = Zoo (do they like animals? do they have or want any pets?) :

Both Imogen and Ariana are obsessed with animals. Altogether, they own five animals (or, are friends with, is a different way of phrasing it). Diavolos (Imogen’s horse), Dory (Ariana’s otter), Fray (Ariana and Tom’s coyote), Thumper (Ariana and Elliot’s mutant bunny), and Rhys (Imogen and Ariana’s tiger (that lives in Indonesia)). And they plan to get many more when they move in together (preferably ones that they can actually own and keep on their property).

#imogen wescott #ilb #choices stories you play #playchoices #choices #choices ilb #it lives beneath #ilb imogen #imogen x mc #fluff abcs #playchoices fanfic

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diveronarpg · 5 years

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Congratulations, KIERSTEN! You’ve been accepted for the role of IMOGEN with a faceclaim change to Brittany O’Grady. Admin Kaitlin: Oh Kiersten... It’s no secret to anyone who asks how much I am in love with Isabella Gagliano. They are such a fascinating character. They bring this vibrancy, this sheer tour de force with them around every bend, carry their thirst for justice with them around every corner--their pen as their sword and paper as their shield. And you, Kiersten, my sunshine angel you brought them to us full throttle. I am particularly in love with the plots you’ve laid out for them, all the ways they seek to raze Verona to ash for the sake of the truth, no matter how bloodied it may be. I absolutely cannot wait for them to bless our dash. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER:

Alias | Kiersten

Age | 20 (dub club, baby!)

Preferred Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | 6.5/10, give or take a number depending on assignments, muse, mood, and all that jazz! I’m getting ready to go back to school; however, I think I’ve managed to keep activity up pretty well, in spite of that. Anyway, I have burning passion for writing (and pain)–and DiVerona! And along with my burning passion comes guilty pleasures–that is, prioritizing replies over not-so-important (but aren’t they all supposed to be important? c’est la vie!) assignments.

Also… I’m just gonna slide this here… https://catherinedaly.tumblr.com/ :)

Timezone | EST

IN CHARACTER:

Character | Isabella Elena Gagliano (with a FC change to Brittany O’Grady, pleeeeease!)

ISABELLA

origin: Spain

meaning: pledged to God; God is bountiful

“Qué linda, qué hermosa–nuestro amor. Gracias a Dio.” These are some of the earliest phrases that she can remember coming from Candela and Emilio Gagliano throughout her childhood. Affectionately nicknamed Bella from an early age, the Gagliano child has never been a stranger to beloved adoration. Every morning, her parents would shower the beautiful babe with kisses; every night, they would get on their knees and pray at the side of the crib, thanking God for the gift He deigned to give them.

ELENA

origin: Greece

meaning: shining light; the bright one

Candela Gagliano knew what she was doing when she looked down at her darling baby and decided to gift her with a middle name full of light and brightness. That is what Isabella was to the Gagliano family: a bundle of light that, when cultivated as sweetly as she’d been, would one day righteously burn anyone who dared to try to snuff her out.

GAGLIANO

origin: Italy/Germany

meaning: joyous; brave

There’s bravery in looking the hurricane in the eye and now cowering, but winking. There’s bravery in relying on words and ink rather than guns and bullets–this ideology has been absorbed by the little canary who prefers to sing her truths rather than fight battles that she knows she’s unequipped for. She takes immense joy in dealing justice–a rarity, especially in a place such as Verona.

What drew you to this character? | Would you believe me if I said a bit of my heart has always belonged to Isabella Gagliano? I’m no better than Eros leaving Psyche to tend to her as she so rightfully deserves. When I began toying with the idea of applying for a second character (yes, I know I’m tardy to the party), I told myself that I would look for someone who pushed me out of my comfort zone of innately soft characters. By no means do I consider Isabella rough, but she’s brazen in a sort of “it’s better to ask for forgiveness rather than beg for permission” kind of way. There’s a fire inside of her that I’m dying to get ahold of. And, after going through the list over and over again, I realized that I couldn’t turn a blind eye to Isa anymore.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

SEE, I’VE COME TO BURN YOUR KINGDOM DOWN: Isabella is no stranger to injustice or loss; she’s had more than enough of her fair share of both while living in Spain. Her move to Verona was meant to only be an escape, to rid herself of the plaguing thoughts of her mother and father, but the seasoned man who took her underneath his aged wing implored her to write, she could not refuse. She wrote. The Verona Giornale took note of the little canary and offered her a place, promising her as much anonymity as they can give under the moniker of Imogen, and she greedily took them up on her offer, promising herself that she would EXPOSE THE MOBS FOR ALL THAT THEY’VE DONE. And may God have mercy on the souls who find themselves immortalized in ink by Isabella Gagliano; for, if they want to live like gods, she will assure that they are crucified like them—painfully, magnificently, and publicly.

YOU HOLD MY HEART, YOU HOLD ME DOWN: Isa was the one to force her beloved to choose between her heart and her family, for she was under the guise that she meant more to Celeste than the family that left her with no choice but to marry and join the likes of the Montagues. But if there was one thing her parents taught her, it was to never make assumptions; and yet, the Gagliano woman did and got burned in the end. Casting Celeste out of her house that night was the most painful thing she’d ever done, and I’d like to see how she could come to terms with it. Logically, of course, it makes sense–Isabella cannot afford to lose herself in a woman that can never fully be hers, but her bleeding heart cries for its stellina, cries to have the other sweetly nestled against the contours of Isabella’s body, even if only for a night. EXPLORING THE RELATIONSHIP WITH CELESTE is something I’m dying to do, especially since I see Isa as a rather possessive person; will she cave for Celeste, or will she go out of her way to try to make the Duval woman jealous? Will she seclude herself because of her battered heart and work twice as hard to expose the evil doings of the mobs?

CORRUPT A MAN’S HEART WITH A GIFT–THAT’S HOW YOU FIND OUT WHO YOU DEALIN’ WITH: I’d like for Isa to LOOK FOR WEAK LINKS WITHIN THE MOBS’ ARMOR, for both her own sanity and her publications. Though Fate has been cruel to her in the past, she’s loathe to believe that it could continue to be; surely, Isabella believes, not everyone involved in the work of Damiano or Cosimo is there because of their own volition. Surely, she believes, there are some willing to sing their song for her, so long as she offers something in return. While neither of us are sure what will be offered, I’d love to get the chance to flesh it out and figure out just how far Isabella will go to get what she thinks she needs.

Are you comfortable with killing of your character? | Only if it’ll cause the maximum amount of pain possible.

IN CHARACTER INTERVIEW:

What is your favorite place in Verona?

Wrapped under plush blankets, arm strewn lovingly across a frame she’s mapped dozens of times–that’s her favorite place in Verona. But, there’s power in a name and in the unfettered truth that she’s too selfish to give up; to remedy, Isa keeps the truth tucked close to her chest out of fear that, if she shares, she’ll lose it and Celeste. So, Isabella settles for something far more bland, but still honest: “My office– at home or at the Giornale.” The answer is far more bland, but it’s still honest. Both places scream Isabella Gagliano, for they’re littered with pads of paper marred by her loop-filled handwriting and her walls and desk are decorated with pictures she’s taken in her down time (however, her office at home dons more intimate photos–candids, true moments of happiness–than the one at work). “There’s something liberating in sitting down in a space that’s wholeheartedly your own and and just… Being able to write and to be. It’s cathartic, really.”

2. What does your typical day look like?

“I don’t really have a set pattern of what I do every day.” Isabella prefers to keep a healthy amount of change in her life, just in case someone starts to trail her. Writing under a moniker offers more protection than her given name, but it doesn’t offer invincibility; she wishes to follow in her parents footsteps, but in her own way: stealthily, creatively. It’s not easy living in Verona without mob protection, but she makes do with what she has; besides, she’d rather die a martyr than a murderer. Languidly and cat-like, she places an elbow on the arm of the leather chair, lips jutting out in thought. “But, first and foremost,” the curly-haired brunette begins, “I wake up. The time varies, depending on what I have planned for the day. If I have a ridiculously light schedule, I’ll lounge in bed ‘til noon or I get hungry—whichever comes first.” Playfully, she chuckles at her own admission before continuing, “But on ‘normal’ days, I head to Giornale, I interview people, I write. Maybe I’ll find time to visit a few friends or just wander around the city. I’ve been here for a few months, sure, but every single day I feel like there’s something else–something new–that I learn. And that’s a journalist’s dream, no?”

3. What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

“So what—this is it?” Disbelief colors her words and she’s grateful; without it, she knows without a doubt that Celeste would be able to hear the begging undertones, the wretched part of Isabella that wants nothing more than to love and be loved in return.

“Mi amore, what do you want from me?” Celeste’s voice is tired, worn. “You know me better than I do myself; you know—“

“What do I want? What do I want, Celeste?” Exasperated hands slam against her countertop, causing the other to jump in her perch on the couch. “You! All I want is you! How many languages do I have to say it in for you to understand it? How many times?” Isa rakes her hands through her curls to calm herself, but it’s no use; panic and vexation have settled deep within the marrows of her bones, for she knows deep down that this is the end.

“I can’t leave Tomas—“

“You don’t even love him.” Isabella’s voice cracks as it stumbles over the four letter word, the four letter word she’s breathed countless amounts of time against the soft skin of Celeste’s neck, at the insides of her thighs. Isabella closes the distance between them, brown eyes imploring as she nestled beside her lover on the couch, fingertips reaching and finding purchase on the other’s hands. “You love me. Why—why am I not enough?”

For the first time since the conversation began, she swears she can see guilt in her lover’s alluring eyes. Celeste says nothing, and the silence is as loud as anguished screams. Because you can’t provide for me in the way that my family needs like he can, Isa supplies mentally, because you have no merit in Verona. Because you are neither Capulet nor Montague aligned.

Because you were too late.

“Then go.” She all but snatches her hand away from Celeste’s and she abruptly stands. “Get out. Get out.” Heavy footfalls thump against the hardwood floors as she disappears down the hall to their—no, her—bedroom. A few moments pass before Isabella rounds the corner, Celeste’s belongings carelessly bundled in her arms. “Leave,” Isa hisses, all but throwing the clothes at the redhead, “and stay gone. Stay with him in that big, grand house of yours.”

The Duval woman can only comply. With clothes in her hands and tears in her eyes, she casts her beloved a longing look before leaving. And as soon as the door slams shut, Isabella crumbles to a heap of bitterness, of brokenheartedness. She pulls her knees to her chest and raggedly sobs until her throat is raw.

———

“Signorina Gagliano?” the interviewer prompts, brows furrowing.

She blinks—once, twice, then murmurs, “Perdonami—my mind has been elsewhere as of late.” Then, to remedy her inappropriate silence, she flashes a grin and admits, “Honestly, it’s a bit unnerving being on the other side of this. I’m much more comfortable in your position, caro mio.” His chuckle reveals that he’s not upset, not even bothered. He just wants answers, Isa tells herself.

All anyone ever wants is an answer until it’s not quite that they want to hear. She swallows thickly.

“My biggest mistake would have to be giving people the benefit of the doubt.” Doing so with Celeste had left a gaping hole in her chest that she knows will never fully fill. “When somebody shows you who they are the first time, amico mio, you better believe them.”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?

“To write,” she murmurs softly, brown eyes more vulnerable than she’d like to admit. It comes as easily as air to her, that writing, but it brings so much pain, so much misery. It dredges up memories that she has spent years trying to bury. “It’s a gift and a curse, you know.” To equally love and hate what you do, to know that it’s the best thing to do–even if not for your own gain. She knows this better than many at the Giornale, for they write from a distance with no ties to the mobs, but she writes from unwanted connections: her lovesick heart, her bitter soul. “But, you know what they say: Nothing easy is worth having, or something along those lines.” And truly, deep down, Isabella knows this as well as she knows the sky is blue and the grass is green, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stomach.

4. What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

This is the one question that leaves a metallic tang in her mouth—the mention of the mobs in what she thought was lighthearted practice for one of the newer interns has driven her to lock her jaws until she bleeds. This is all they do: they kill, they steal, and they lie—for trivial, worldly possessions. Money. Fame. Power. Her fingertips twitch involuntarily, the minuscule movement born from irritation and disdain. And this is why I’m here—to strip them of it all, to remind them that the pen is far mightier than the sword.

Isabella clears her throat and her mind by extension; to blatantly admit something that bold, even in the face of a comrade, would be the final nail in a casket she’s not yet prepared to lie in. “I’m not sure if it’s fair for us to have a say on a world that we know nothing of,” she breezily lies, fingertips absentmindedly tugging at her dark brown curls. A brow arches, however, asking the question that she knows better than to voice and he knows better than to answer: Don’t you know better than to ask about the work of the Devil?

Nonetheless, glossed lips tick upward at the corners, just enough to indicate a smile. “My thoughts are based on facts and facts alone when it comes to things not prominent in my own life, so I’m sure that makes them rather bland.”

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here!

EXTRAS:

MBTI: ENTP - The Debater

ZODIAC: Libra - October 11, 1994

MOCK BLOG:

https://isabellagagliano.tumblr.com/

PLAYLIST:

https://open.spotify.com/user/r7z4vyhjr8g2jp2t30pkapvwf/playlist/6eVrYzXLiF281uOg3GeqI1?si=PPb1kT6lQp6ZTCDGgA3sqw

HEADCANONS:

Isabella has a tiny, scripted-font “C.” behind her left ear. One drunken escapade quickly led to another, and before either Celeste or Isabella knew it, they were in a hole-in-the-wall tattoo shop. Isa held Celeste’s hand as she got her tattoo—“I love you, stellina, I love you,” the brunette had slurred with a lazy grin throughout the process.

The Gagliano woman is possessive, to say the least; but who can blame her—the child who lost what was most important to her at the time to outside forces, to greedy hands that only sought to take?

Along with journalism, Isa enjoys photography in her free time.

She’s fluent in Spanish, Italian, English, and she knows conversational Russian.

The man that took her in and encouraged her to write recently passed; she visits his grave at least once every two weeks.

#accepted #accepted: imogen

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independentartistbuzz · 3 years

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7 From the Women with Mary Jennings

Mary Jennings has been making music since she was a kid and uses it as her own personal therapy sessions. Music has been a way for her to grasp emotions and ideas that surround her. Her songs are driven by her life experiences and the death of her mother, but the birth of her daughter, Eliza, changed everything, as she is now Mary’s inspiration and influence. She is raw and vulnerable because she knows others are dealing with the same thing. If she can give a voice and a connection to certain feelings, she has done her job.

We were able to catch up with Mary for another 7 From the Women, which you can read below.

What have you been working to promote lately?

I just released my new album, “Matriarch” on June 25, 2021. I honestly didn't know I had another album in me. I had been so focused on being a good mom that music had taken a bit of a backseat. When the pandemic hit and I was homeschooling Eliza (my at the time 3.5 almost 4 year old daughter) full time and was isolated from friends and family, I realized how much I still needed music and became more determined than ever to figure out a way to make it work. With the help of Ryan Youmans (co-producer, engineer, mixer and parent of two small children I might add), I learned how to set up and start tracking and producing from home. Every musician involved in the project did their parts from their own spaces! Now I know I have so much more than just an album left in me and I need to give my child a model to look to and not a martyr. I don't need to sacrifice my art to be a great parent. I need to merge my worlds. That's a huge part of how the album, "Matriarch," was born...get it born? #momjoke

You can listen to Matriarch here.

Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

This is so hard as there are so many but there is one that stands out that has really helped me as a mom and musician. It is Imogen Heap’s “Tiny Human.” Not only did she write and perform it, but she also produced. That is very inspiring to me. In this song, she was so candid about how difficult it was in the early stages of motherhood for her with her daughter. I felt as though she was singing my feelings. Her candor helped me to not feel so isolated and alone as I wandered through postpartum depression. She gave me a lot of strength to pull myself together and take my life under control. I have such an amazing relationship with my daughter, Eliza, and I think music like Heap’s really made a difference in that in the very early stages. It’s amazing now to hear Eliza singing Imogen Heap songs too. It’s something over which we can bond.

What does it mean to you to be a woman making music/in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

Music has always been therapy for me and I hope that my music can be therapeutic for others as well. Like so many arts industries women are still very underrepresented in music and not only that, if you don’t fit a young, universally attractive mold, then you have an even harder time moving forward. Then, enter moms. Talk about under represented. For so many, having children means a death sentence to your music career. Well, forget that! I want to use a stronger “F” word here but I will refrain for the sake of class. But it is utter garbage that so many people feel like that they can’t have both a stable family life and a career in music. That is a huge part of “Matriarch” for me. It’s proving not only to others but also to myself that I still have music in me to share. I hope that I can be a voice so so many women and mothers out there.

If you could collaborate with any other female artists, who would you choose?

There are so many but if I had to chose one, it would be Imogen Heap. Not only is she an amazing musician and singer who has been increasing innovative and created music and sounds outside the box but she’s also a mom that hasn’t let that fact change her career path. She has been so forward and honest about the struggles yet beauty in being a mom and she got me out of a lot of my own postpartum depression. She has driven me to continue writing, singing, performing and even learning to produce. Working with her would be a huge honor on so many different levels.

What was the most challenging thing you have had to face as a female artist?

There are a lot of challenges in being any artist and especially female, however, I think the biggest challenge I have faced has been my own imposter syndrome. I am my own worst critic and I have an impressive ability to tear myself down, tell myself I am not worthy of something or that I could be better, or get wrapped up in needlessly comparing myself to others. I like to think of myself as pretty rational and if any of my friends came to me with the worries or anxieties that I have, I would be able to talk them off a ledge in an instant but I am not so delicate with myself. I don’t know where that insecurity came from but the more I talk to my female artist friends, the more I realize most of us have it. I hate that. Women rule and we need to be able to see that in ourselves more and not be so self critical.

What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

I would say the most important thing I have shared as an artist throughout all of my work is unabashed vulnerability. I put everything out on the table in my music. It is my therapy so there will be songs of heartache, anger, insecurity, death, abuse, nightmares but also happiness, joy, love, and laughter. It is important for me as a person and a female to feel like I don’t need to hide any parts of myself or my identity. Being a southern woman, we are raised to have a certain decorum which often means to not speak up if something bothers you. Just be polite and move on. My music lets me be completely me and every facet of myself and hopefully it can help others find their own self expression.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

I 100% identify as a feminist. As a woman raising a daughter and having been raised by a strong single mother I don’t know how I couldn’t be! I firmly believe in the social, economic and political equality of females across the world. There is no reason, in my mind, that we shouldn’t have the same rights and opportunities as everyone else just because of our sex or gender. If I am not qualified for a job then it better be because of my skill set and not because of my body. I want Eliza to grow up knowing, not just believing, that she can be anything she wants to be as long as she works hard enough. I don’t want her to see her body or gender as a limitation. It’s a powerful thing to be a woman and I want her to feel that too.

You can find and connect with Mary Jennings via:

www.maryjennings.com

Instagram: @maryjenningsmusic

TikTok: @maryjenningsmusic

Facebook: /maryjenningsmusic

Youtube: /jenningsfemtastic

Twitter: @jenningsmusic

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