#and I've been on like 2? 3? casual dates ever? and none of them were with crying virgins? and I wouldn't be vindictive like that
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How I Met Her Mother | Part 3 | Tighnari x Reader
Romantic: Tighnari x Collei's Parent! Reader
Description: When Collei and the traveler discover Tighnari's feelings for her adoptive parent, they make it their mission to get them on a date together through a (maybe unnecessarily) elaborate plan.
(Notes: none) (gender neutral reader) (reader is Collei's adoptive parent) (Part 3 of How I Met Her Mother)
Words: 2526
Part 1, Part 2
"Y/n!" Aether called as he came into your medical tent, looking like he had some important things to talk about. You stood from where you'd been mixing new medicines at a table.
"What is it?" You asked, a little worried he'd gone and gotten himself badly hurt again. Luckily, that didn't seem to be the case and you sighed in relief at the fact that he had no blood visibly on his person.
"We heard news! Big news!" Paimon exclaimed like she was about to burst if she didn't tell you what it was.
"Tell me!" You ordered with a smile.
"We heard Tighnari is throwing a party this evening!" The pixie explained, "For you and Collei!" At this, you frowned in confusion.
"Me and Collei?"
"Yes!" Paimon replied, "It's supposed to be a surprise but we couldn't let you show up to a party not looking your best so we thought we'd tell you anyway! Just please don't tell Tighnari we told you!" Aether had to admit that her acting had gotten better throughout the day; he almost wanted to applaud her for this performance.
"Why would he be throwing a party for us?" You asked, "Doesn't he already have so much to do as head forest ranger?"
"He said there's no better cure than celebration!" Paimon replied, knowing full-well the fox-eared ranger would never say that, "Plus, he wants to thank you both for all you've done as a trainee forest ranger and doctor here! We already told Collei, so we wanted to let you know to look your best this evening and come to this location at sunset!" She handed you a map with a marked area on it that was just outside the village but on the opposite side from your medical tent; near yours and Collei's hut.
"Oh, thanks!" You exclaimed, "I promise, your secret is safe with me. I'll take this to my grave." Your tone was dead serious but there was a smile on your face as Paimon nodded in agreement.
"Us too!" She decided.
"I guess I'll have to wear one of my nice outfits tonight," you decided, "And find a host-gift for Tighnari! I don't think he's ever hosted a party that I've been to before, so what do you think he'd like as a gift?"
"Flowers!" Paimon exclaimed, "Potted plants, to be specific! Paimon thinks that's a common tradition in Gandharva Ville at parties, too." Aether gave her a knowing glance but said nothing, simply nodding in confirmation.
"Good idea!" You replied. You hadn't been living among the forest rangers for very long, so any advice these two could provide was very valuable. They nodded, letting you get back to work now as they headed out of your medical tent. The second they were fully out of your sight, they turned to one another and high-fived over a job well-done. Things were almost ready to go.
..........
Meanwhile, Collei was having an almost identical conversation with her mentor.
"Master Tighnari," She spoke casually, "did you hear about the party this evening?" This made him arch an eyebrow as he set the box of Padisarah's near your medical tent. They always left herbs outside in case you had sleeping patients there; the process of moving them in could be rather loud.
"I didn't." He admitted, "Who's throwing it? Is it here?" Parties were not his think but you'd always seemed to enjoy them enough; even during your Akademiya days. He'd gone to a few with you and Cyno and always found that you were a surprisingly good friend to have around for them; respecting everyone's boundaries when it came to social situations and making sure they all stayed safe. As a result, he'd had a shockingly pleasant time whenever he did agree to go with you.
Collei gestured towards your medical tent silently now and the fox-eared forest ranger immediately seemed to get more interested. Collei lead him far enough away so that you wouldn't be able to hear from inside before speaking.
"Between you and me, they're throwing it for you." She admitted, "I'm not supposed to say anything but I know surprises like this make me nervous so I thought you might appreciate a warning beforehand." Tighnari could practically feel his heart melt at that but he kept his cool in front of the trainee.
"I see," he replied, "But why is Y/n throwing a party for me? They don't need to do anything extra for anyone around here when they already work so hard-"
"I think they just want to show their appreciation for you," Collei smiled, ignoring the fact that she'd just interrupted her teacher for one of the first- and likely only- times in her life. "You help us both a lot, Master Tighnari, and we're really thankful for it!" The forest ranger had to look away to hide his touched expression.
Finally, he composed himself before turning back to the girl. "Thank you for letting me know, Collei." He told her with a smile, "I'll be sure to get Y/n a gift for their trouble and attend the party I'm not supposed to know about on time." Collei nodded, taking out a map where she'd marked the 'party' location.
"It'll be here at sunset!" She informed him before heading off to get back to her work. Then she stopped, "Oh, and they love flowers, as a suggestion!" With that, she was gone before he could say anything else.
Tighnari chuckled and shook his head. Flowers, huh? For anyone else, that might have helped give him an idea of what to give you. But as a botanist, that did not narrow the choices down at all.
Away from everyone else's sight, Collei met back up with Paimon and the traveler, silently high-fiving them. They'd done everything they could to set up a date between you and Tighnari; now all that was left was to wait and hope it all turned out alright.
..........
Tighnari checked the map Collei had given him one more time to make sure he was heading for the right location. It looked like this party of yours was supposed to be not far from your home, which made sense; given that it would make it easier to set everything up.
He still wasn't sure how you'd expected him to end up in the right location at the right time if he wasn't supposed to know about it, though. No one had come and asked him to do anything that might be related- was he just supposed to have read your mind and shown up?
Either way, he wasn't about to question your intentions. Kind acts like this had always been your specialty, and despite how stressed you might have been, he wouldn't have put it past you to do one now. However, when he finally arrived at the location with potted flowers in hand and the very green suit he'd conveniently bought today, there was no one else around.
The place Collei had told him the party would be at was by the river just outside of Gandharva Ville but right now it was completely void of decorations or any other typical party-related items. And on top of that, you didn't seem like you were anywhere to be found.
"Tighnari, hey!" A familiar voice finally spoke behind him, making relief wash over him like a wave. He turned around to see you in attire equally as formal as his own; the colors would even look perfect together if you two stood next to one another. "Am I too late? Is the party over already?" A look of confusion bloomed over his face.
"...I was going to ask you the same thing?" He admitted, glancing back at the map provided by his trainee, who had also written down the time by which he needed to be here.
"What do you mean?" You asked, though there was a hint of knowledge behind your eyes; as if you'd somewhat expected this outcome when you arrived, "Aether and Paimon told me you were hosting a surprise party here tonight."
"Collei told me you were doing the same thing..." The forest ranger replied as he crossed his arms. There was a pause, but then your smile widened.
"I think I know what's going on here." You admitted as you headed over to a few boulders that rest by the river. Careful to avoid getting your nice clothes dirty, you took a seat on one of them.
"Oh?" Tighnari asked with slight amusement. Though he didn't know what was going on, the fact that you still seemed happy was likely a good sign. "Do enlighten me then, Y/n." Your grin widened.
"I heard Collei chatting with the traveler early this morning," You explained, "She'd gone outside in the middle of the night, and as her parent, of course my instincts kicked in and I went to listen. I wasn't sure what they were talking about then, but it makes more sense now..." You trailed off but the forest ranger just arched an eyebrow, urging you to continue. "They mentioned something about a plan, and then both Collei and Aether made sure we would be here at the same time."
"...This was their plan." Tighnari finally said, feeling his cheeks heat up slightly in embarrassment. He couldn't believe he'd been played so easily by his own student.
"It seems that way." You chuckled, shaking your head as your gaze lifted up to the sky, "I suppose when those three get together, they become quite the meddling bunch." The forest watcher rolled his eyes at that.
"No kidding," he replied, "We'll need to talk with Collei about not getting involved in other people's private affairs later." You nodded as he took a seat on the boulder next to you and looked out at the river, which seemed to sparkle in the setting sunlight.
"Definitely," you replied, "But I suspect she still had good intentions."
"I'm sure," Tighnari told you, "Though, going as far as to set the two of us up on a date was still an overstep." As soon as he said it, he regretted it. He didn't even need to see the surprised, slightly red look on your face to know he'd messed up. So, rather than having to look over, he immediately stood from the boulder he'd been resting on and cleared his throat. "I should be going," he said quickly, "I wouldn't want to keep you from your patients with something this trivial."
"Actually," You spoke up before he could walk away, "They're all taken care of. I had a suspiciously small number coming into the medical clinic today." This made the forest ranger's ear perk.
"Really?" He replied, "That's interesting; I had a suspiciously small amount of work to handle today, as if someone had gone out of their way to get it done for me."
"...How peculiar." You grinned, knowing exactly whom was behind that. Tighnari let out a dramatic groan but plopped down on the boulder again. He couldn't help but feel more and more like an idiot with every part of Collei's plan that came to light.
"If it helps, you don't have to actually consider this a date," you spoke up now, turning your gaze back to the pretty river, "You don't even have to stay, if you don't want to." Despite the fact that you were trying to take as much pressure off him as possible, you still felt a flutter of hope in your chest at the idea that he might see this situation the same way.
"I didn't say I didn't want to..." He replied finally, still not meeting your eyes, "But a first date planned by someone else- the daughter of my friend, no less- feels insincere." You chuckled at that.
"Fair enough." You paused for a moment, "Then we could call it a...Half-date, if that makes you feel better." By now, it seemed to have become clear how you both felt about one another and you weren't about to back down from making this happen if he wanted it too.
"A half-date?" Tighnari repeated with an unamused expression but you could tell he didn't hate the idea.
"Yes," you told him with a grin, "Like a trial run. That way, I can properly ask you on a real date later." His face grew red at that but he immediately shook off his nerves.
"Who says I won't ask you first?" Your smile widened.
"Well, then I guess we'll just have to see who beats who to the punch." You decided. Tighnari crossed his arms at that but a playful look rested on his face nonetheless.
"You're on, Y/n." He replied and you laughed.
After that, conversation started to flow much easier. You two had been close friends for years now; since even before you'd adopted your daughter. Despite the initial awkwardness of admitting you both had feelings for one another, you fell back into your regular dynamic and ended up spending much longer by the river than expected.
You didn't come home until late that night when the forest ranger insisted on walking you back to your house. Luckily, the lights were all off so it seemed like Collei was already asleep and wouldn't see you returning from a half-date the way a teenager might have.
"Well, I'd say that was an enjoyable experience." You grinned as you and Tighnari stopped in front of the door to your home, "I'd go one a half-date with you again." His own smile, though still a little awkward, widened.
"What about a full date?" Your heartbeat quickened but you feigned thinking the idea over.
"Hmm...I suppose a full date with you wouldn't be so bad either." You decided finally, "I accept, but I'm not happy that you asked me before I could ask you!" This made the forest ranger chuckle.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Y/n." He said, letting go of your hand that he'd been holding this whole time.
"Bye, Tighnari!" You replied quietly enough that you hopefully wouldn't wake your daughter before opening the door to your home and stepping inside. You closed it silently behind you, once again feeling like a teenager that had snuck out of the house when they weren't supposed to, but the second you turned around you were startled by the sight of a green haired girl laying on your couch.
She seemed to wake up now that you were back and rubbed her eyes sleepily. "You're back..." She whispered. Your heart melted, as it always did around your kid.
"Have you been waiting out here for me this whole time, sweetheart?" You asked, going over to the nearby closet to grab her another blanket since she was shivering slightly. Collei just nodded but then seemed to realize what time it was because she looked out the window seeing it so dark.
"Were you on your date with Master Tighnari this whole time?!" She asked excitedly, seemingly not tired anymore.
"So it was you that was behind that." You commented, gently tossing the blanket her way. Seeing that you didn't deny it, her excitement seemed to grow.
"Is Master Tighnari going to be my new dad?!" She asked eagerly as your face turned beat red.
"Collei!"
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin x you#genshin tighnari#tighnari#tighnari x you#tighnari x reader#gender neutral insert#gender neutral y/n#gender neutral reader#gender neutral#collei#genshin collei#parent reader#fanfic#genshin fanfic
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Ishizu for the character ask game
Damn girl... All of them?
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
I love Ishizu mostly because of how she treats Kaiba. She's so snarky and straight forward towards him and just from their first interaction we get what her personality is all about. A no nonsense woman that is still caring, but just wants to get things done in an efficient way / the way the necklace gave her.
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
How on her duel with Kaiba, she primarily uses graveyard effects (that honestly weren't the best, but because things were still getting figured out I'll give it a pass.) with very few monsters and she still almost cooks him. Do you know how bad Ishizu cards used to be? They weren't the best at all! That duel is honestly one of my favorites, I hate Blue Eyes players.
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
She never interacted with Yami Bakura
(╥﹏╥)
4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?
Puss and Boots. Only as an ally for him though.
5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?
Double Lariat by Agoaniki (I think???). It just sounds Ishizu core.
6. What's something you have in common with this character?
We both have two brothers. A big one and a little one.
7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?
I love for and breathe in Mom-shizu
8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?
I don't like how some people make her either really dismissive of Marik's problems, really over invested in his problems, or over sexualize her.
The first two are a problem because Ishizu has been shown to give Marik the space he needs to think, and distancing yourself from a frankly abusive person is a pretty normal thing to do. She never abandoned Marik, she still loves him. She just gives him when needed.
I don't even have to explain why I hate the last thing.
9. Could you be roommates with this character?
Yes.
10. Could you be best friends with this character?
No. Most likely loose acquaintances.
11. Would you date this character?
Yes.
12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?
I've already said this, but I love the idea of her seeing Yami Bakura's backstory and feeling so bad for him.
13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?
🔮 And ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.
Light Academia, business casual, or cottage core.
15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)
Museumshipping!!!! Rahhh!!!!!
16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?
I don't like Mai x Ishizu. They just don't have personalities that blend well enough for me to ship them.
17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?
Ishizu x Pegasus. It's alright. I just don't like it.
18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?
Ishizu's interactions with Téa are some of the sweetest ever. Téa is always so worried about Yami and Ishizu is there to comfort her 🥺. It's so cute.
19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?
There is none.
20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?
Mai. I may not like them shipped together, but boy oh boy do I think they'd be great friends.
22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?
I like when she's shipped with Yami Bakura. I have only read one bad fic of them.
I don't like when she's dismissive or over involved with Marik.
23. Favorite picture of this character?
I love how Takahashi drew her here <3
24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?
Honestly, a lot of how I characterize Ishizu has inspiration from Clawdeen Wolf. But only when it comes to how they treat she friends and family.
25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?
When I first saw Ishizu: ooooo pretty lady <3
Now: oh she has a deep backstory and is an interesting character… cool <3
26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!
Using this as an opportunity to talk about museumshipping.
Since Yami Bakura and Ishizu have different diets (Ishizu doesn't eat meat, Yami Bakura does), she does most of the cooking. Bakura, however, hates this. So they came to an agreement that Bakura will learn how to cook more than just eggs, and Ishizu will expand her diet to include eggs.
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Pick a world for me to focus on, none of the favs are currently occupying the brain.
In return, tell me about Eliza since Glam&Gore is back. Her video popped up on my recommendations, I blame you.
Again.
You know I love Superteens HOWEVA, I'm very interested to know more about Tobias and the whole ordeal happening over in THAT universe and in order for that, I gotta tell you to focus on the kings and queens <3
Also you should watch the ghost hunting video if you 're ever bored because I love her so so much and katy !!! it's so funny & so much better than any other thing i've pushed on you (biased 10000% bc ive been watching her since near the beginning of her channel)
making it a list or i'll go on for ages
Eliza is the eldest daughter (despite having a younger twin sister)
She witnessed Jason's death which is why she's fucked up for lack of a better word
She's one of the original 5. so with the exception of the canon kids, we had the original handful (back when things were in our control) which were like (i THINK), Ada, Bex, Liv, Eliza, Miriam, Adam, etc. The base game kids of early 2018
She would always get intro trouble and do things specifically to make her dad mad when she was younger.
She ran away from home at 17 to live with her grandparents after Jason died because it scared her more than anything to witness another person close to her dying, so she just left. It was easier to separate herself from the situation in her mind so that's what she did. (with company from Cousin Quinn)
She went to college for about a year before dropping out to become a cocktail waitress like her grandma
There's a whole drug plot I've not fully worked out (mostly because it feels VERY Eliza to just forget that ever existed so it comes up in casual conversation but never in a serious deep thing) but TLDR: she was sad because her boyfriend died, she was going through it.
She dated a God for about 2 months, her name is Noa. (her twin sister dated the actual devil's daughter for about the same amount of time, they're v connected spiritually)
She met Ronnie throughout her childhood and teen years but was reintroduced to him about 3-4 years after Jason died, Liv introduced them on a blind double date with HD
While it started off slow, she and Ronnie had a lot of fights when their relationship officially started because she had barely reconnected with the idea of her family putting themselves in danger, so she made her feelings about him being a Legend VERY clear (clearly it did absolutely nothing but she was speaking her feelings which was a break through in Quinn's eyes)
By the time she hit 26 she had a longtime boyfriend, a daughter, and a house.
Ronnie proposes to her a LOT but she refuses to accept because she has commitment issues now, but eventually accepts at some point after Clarissa is born.
Her LA home is the "runaway" spot for her family members who don't want to go east coast to Ada (so, Miriam, Mia, Owen, TJ, etc)
#honestly you watched inside-- ghost hunting with Mykie and Katy is The Content#I love them they're so filled with one-liners#it's the fun best friend content everyone deserves#it's the endearing 'bitch!?' every other sentence#plus the spider drama where Mykie is telling Katy to just kill it but she's determined to set it free#and peter going 'well great now we dont know where it is' and mykie jumping him because he loses spiders#theyre so fun#i missed them all so much#but yes!!! i want more royalty drama !!
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gUYs help I have this person in my phone contacts and I have no idea who they are or why I named them this 😭
#in b4 someone says it's a self dial no#hhgggggg#wHomst#it's a dc number so someone local but like#all my friends names I recognize even if they're dumb nicknames#and I've been on like 2? 3? casual dates ever? and none of them were with crying virgins? and I wouldn't be vindictive like that#I'm so stumped
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Love Notes
Summary: People usually mistake Slytherins as the mean and nasty ones. Nobody told you that you would be stuck with the loud and obnoxious boy from Gryffindor. One day during your fifth year, you started receiving anonymous notes in your books, pockets, table, etc. The question is, who gave them to you?
Theme: Hogwarts au, enemies to lovers
Genre: fluff, angst [not really]
Warnings: none
WC: 4.9k
Pairing: Gryffindor!Haknyeon x Slytherin!FemReader
a/n: Hi again :) I've been binge watching Harry Potter movies for the past few days and I love it so much. So here's a little Hogwarts fic with Hakkie! Do send me requests if you have any! I'm open to writing them :)
Going to Hogwarts was probably the best thing to happen to you. And getting yourself sorted into Slytherin house was also the best thing to ever happen to you. Except, nobody told you that you would have a horrendous time being in the same classes as the loud and obnoxious boy from Gryffindor.
His name?
Was Ju Haknyeon.
“Did you lose your way to class again today?” Haknyeon teased when you arrived at your seat that just so happens to be right in front of him. You were in your fifth year and yet he has never once gone a day without getting on a single nerve on your body.
“Did you lose your pacifier on your way here cause you can’t seem to keep your mouth shut.” You scowled at him only to earn a soft chuckle from him.
“Look who’s talking now…” Haknyeon smirks, earning a kick to his desk from you. Your seat partner and also one of your close friends, Wooyoung couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the said boy.
Professor Snape finally dismissed the class as everyone quickly scrambled out of the room. You were walking with Wooyoung and Yeosang as the former began rambling about his terrible date yesterday when you suddenly felt an arm over your shoulder. The last person you hoped for it to be, ends up proving you wrong the minute he spoke.
“Hey hey, have you practiced for the Quidditch game this season? Wouldn’t wanna lose your Quidditch title to other houses.” Haknyeon whispered into your ear, making you push his face away.
“Do you ever shut up?” You said as he smirked, casually pursing his lips into a kissy face.
You rolled your eyes at him, elbowing his stomach to make him leave your side. Haknyeon left your side for a brief moment before coming back to you to stop in front of you while leaning down a little to match your height. Once he was right in front of you, he smirked cheekily at you.
“I won’t shut up when I’m with you, darling.” He whispered.
You cupped his face with both hands, only to lean in to let your lips hover over his as you whispered under your breath, “Don’t make me do it for you, sweetheart.” The moment you pulled away from him and began to walk away, Haknyeon could’ve sworn he felt his heart skip a few beats.
“Now, class, please open to page 367.” Professor McGonagall announced as you heard the sounds of pages being turned. You did the same, flipping the pages a few at a time until a slip of note drops out from your book. It was a pretty blue colour that has been folded into the shape of a flower.
“Did you put this in my book?” You asked Wooyoung who was seated beside you, only for him to shake his head. Just then, a voice came from behind you.
“Oh look, the Slytherin’s princess got herself a love note.” Haknyeon said. It annoyed you to the point where you had to cast a spell on him from under your desk to shut him up for 2 hours. A few weeks have gone by and you have been getting anonymous notes slipped into your textbooks, locker, and sometimes even in your coat pockets.
However, all the notes always end up in your bag, never touched or read before.
It was a Thursday afternoon and you were just walking into your Transfiguration class when a female student from Hufflepuff came up to you giddily excited as she informed you what she saw.
“Omg Y/N! Someone gave you a rose and a letter! It’s on your desk!” She squeaked, allowing a couple of eyes to land on you, who was standing at the back of the class with Wooyoung and Yeosang. With that being said, you glanced over to your desk to find that she was right.
However, you noticed that Haknyeon’s table was empty. Maybe he finally got sick and couldn’t come to class today.
“The Slytherin’s princess got a gift today huh? That’s new.”
Maybe not.
Haknyeon said casually as he strolls past you with his hands tucked into his pant’s pockets while he makes his way over to his desk. You rolled your eyes at the back of his head before walking up to your desk and soon took the rose and note only to stuff it in your bag.
“Why don’t you read it outloud for all of us to hear, darling? I’m sure your admirer would love to see the way your eyes turn into heart shapes for them.” Haknyeon smirked.
You couldn’t lie, Haknyeon has in fact gotten slightly more manlier in built and also a bit more nicer looking in terms of his face features.
Which is why you’d be damned if you admitted out loud that your heart did a little flip when he smirked at you.
“The last person I’d wanna read it aloud to is you so no, that won’t happen.” You grumbled before sitting down at your desk. Wooyoung couldn’t help but chuckle as he told you about Haknyeon's offended face he made after you said that.
A few hours later, everyone was making their way back to their common rooms after dinner. You were just walking towards the Slytherin’s common room when Felix spoke up to you, “Hey, is it true you’ve been getting love notes from someone in class?”
“I don’t know what they are, I’ve never opened them.” You confessed, earning a few gasps from your friends.
“Aren’t you even a slight bit curious?” Minho asked.
“Look, I doubt it’s even real. It might just be a prank from someone. I don’t know…” You said almost confidently.
“Oh come on, just open one and see what it says. It doesn’t hurt to read one.” Wooyoung encouraged you as you rolled your eyes at him. It was already after hours. Everyone was asleep except you. So you quietly tip-toed your way to the living area, only to sit near the green fireplace with your bag filled with the notes you kept for the past 5 weeks. You took one of the notes out and soon unfolded it one after another.
“You look pretty today.”
“Your eyes sparkle like the green flames of your house.”
“You make me forget why I’m in this class.”
“Your smile could cure my sadness.”
“If only the clouds would make way for a sunshine like you”
“Don’t lose that smile, it’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen”
“Are you a love potion? Cause I feel like I’ve fallen in love with you”
You then happened to take out the note that was attached to the rose you got earlier in which it said;
“A pretty flower for a pretty girl like you.”
And the list goes on and on as you read them. However, one thing you noticed was the lack of initials, leaving these notes anonymous.
“Who are you?”
This question swirls in your head as you keep these notes in a little treasure chest your mom gave you for your 15th birthday.
You were on your way to the Quidditch field to play for the Quidditch Tournament with your team members. Upon making it to the courtyard, you just so happen to bump into Haknyeon. You noticed the Red and Gold striped sweater, along with his pants and a cloak in contrast to your full Quidditch attire together with the arms and leg gears.
“Hey guys, mind if I steal ‘yours truly’ for a moment? I promise I’ll bring her back to you guys in one whole.” Haknyeon smiles innocently to your friends, earning a few snickers from them but they nonetheless left you alone with him.
Once they were out of sight, you turned to him with a frown.
“What do you want now, Ju? And make it quick. I have a game to win.” You snapped, earning a chuckle from him.
“Relax beasty, I won’t hold you back for long.”
“So what do you want?”
“You know this is a seasonal championship right?”
“And?”
“And this year’s winner will be titled the Season’s Champion, yes?”
“O...kay?” You raised an eyebrow at him in question, not sure where this conversation was heading to.
“So let’s make a bet.”
You started to laugh as you clutched your stomach, afraid of growing six packs while you did that. Unfortunately, you didn’t get the same response from him which made you confused and eventually stopped.
“A bet? You wanna make a bet? Sure. You’ll only be crying at the end of it cause Slytherin’s gonna take the prize home.”
“Hmm, I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you. So let’s make a bet.” Haknyeon urges you again, to which you couldn’t help but agree just so you could prove him wrong.
“Fine. If Slytherin wins, you’re gonna leave me alone for the rest of the year.” You said.
“And if Gryffindor wins, you have to go on 3 dates with me.” He announced. You weren’t gonna lie, you were a little shocked by his proposal but you didn’t want to back out now so you shook hands on it.
“Deal.”
“Choi Jongho has gotten the snitch! Gryffindor wins!” Lee Jordan, the commentator from Gryffindor announced as you slammed your fist onto your broomstick. You’ve lost a few times before throughout your 5 years in Hogwarts but today was a little different as you had your bet with Haknyeon hanging by a thread.
You were floating about 10 feet away from Gryffindor’s stand, your gaze naturally fleeting to the left only to lock eyes with the blonde haired devil from Gryffindor who had a smirk on his face before he mouthed something so clear to you.
“I win.”
You couldn’t even respond to him so you simply flew down and back into your pitch tent along with the rest of your teammates. After you were done with post-game preps, you all began to make your way back to your common rooms.
It wasn’t until you were at the grand staircase that you bumped into Haknyeon and his friends. He gave you a cheeky little wink before snapping his fingers and soon, you felt a slip of paper magically appear in your hands.
You kept it in your hands until you went back, only opening it when you were in your bed.
“Nice game. I hope you don’t forget about our bet. See you at Three Broomsticks Inn, this Saturday. 12pm. Don’t be late. Oh, and, wear prettily ;) - JHN”
You were definitely in for a treat.
The day finally came as you made an excuse to your friends saying you couldn’t go with them to Hogsmeade because you promised to help Ginny with her Muggle studies. The minute they left, you got upstairs to change out of your pyjamas and into some comfortable jeans, a sweater, a denim jacket and a pair of worn out sneakers.
You teleported to Hogsmeade using the Floo Powder your mom gave you just in case you needed to rush home due to an emergency.
You arrived at a dark alley in Hogsmeade, making sure your friends weren’t around before you left the safety of that alley. Carefully walking past some villagers, you found your way to the Inn without getting caught. With one gentle push of the wooden door, you were immediately greeted by the bustling customers.
You looked around the room to find for the devil who shall not be named and Lord Behold, he waves over to you from one of the tables across the room. You almost lost your footing when you saw what he wore.
It was almost as if he knew what you were going to wear. He was wearing black pants with a denim jacket. Simple yet so good looking.
You went over to him only to sit on his left where it was nearer to the edge of the semi circle couch.
“You’re late, you know?” Haknyeon laughs.
“Yeah but I’m here aren’t I?” You scoffed softly under your breath, earning a little giggle from him.
“On our first date too? You’re a terrible one.” He joked.
“Fine then. Go find someone who’s on time for your date, maybe they’ll actually arrive earlier than you.” Right before you could slide out of the seat, Haknyeon gently grabs your wrist to stop you.
“Relax, I’m just kidding… Come on, butterbeer on me. Deal?” He asked, shaking his wallet in between his fingers as though telling you he really meant it when he said he’ll pay for it.
Of course you couldn’t let this moment up, which is why you agreed to it. Unfortunately, right before he could slide out the opposite end of the table, your eyes flew over to the front doors where the bell chimed indicating a customer. That’s when you saw your friends walking in and you could’ve sworn they would see you in a matter of seconds if they just turned to the left slightly.
“Oh shit!” You cursed as you grabbed hold of Haknyeon’s collar only to drag him out of the table and soon towards the back. Haknyeon was a little taken aback by your sudden aggression as he began to ask you a series of questions.
You quickly pulled him behind one of the pillars, shoving him against the concrete wall as you peeked past the pillar.
“Okay, if you want to kill me, at least do it when we’re in private.” He teased you.
“Shut up. My friends are here. I lied to them saying I can’t join them.” You whispered, trying to see if your friends wouldn’t make it to the back. What you didn’t realize was the way Haknyeon was discreetly checking you out.
“You know, for a Slytherin, you’re not as sly as you think you are. What makes you think they can’t figure out it’s you from a dist-”
“Kiss me.”
You suddenly spoke as he stared at you with wide eyes. He almost couldn’t believe his ears when you said that.
“What?”
“I said kiss me!” You loudly whispered but your eyes were frantically flickering back and forth to something behind him.
However, right before you could yell at him, you felt him snaking his right arm around your waist while the other hand reached up to cup your cheek, pulling you into a soft and gentle kiss. You fluttered your eyelids close as he turned you so that his back would be facing the open area while your smaller form gets shielded from the public eye.
You could hear your friend’s voices getting closer and closer and eventually made their way past Haknyeon’s back. You could’ve sworn you heard some of them snicker and scoff at your unknown presence.
Once they are gone, Haknyeon pulls back from you with the softest sound as he caresses your cheek for a moment.
Suddenly your heart was picking up speed against your chest. You locked eyes with him for a second or two, feeling him tilt his head slightly to make his lips brush over yours again purposely before pulling away completely.
“I reckon we should leave?” He chuckled, making you nod.
“Yes please.”
With that being said, he let you leave the hiding spot first, making sure he used his body to block you from unwanted view.
A few hours passed where he took you to a few of his favourite shops in Hogsmeade, including some personal spots around town where he usually goes when he needs space to be by himself. You were now making your way back to the castle as you both managed to not quarrel for more than a minute of being with each other.
You must admit, it was nice getting to know Haknyeon better instead of fighting with him like usual.
It has been four days since your first date with Haknyeon and again, you still received the notes. This time, it said;
“You’re cute. Can I keep you?”
With that, you couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle.
“What? Did the person who gave you those letters finally revealed himself?” Wooyoung asked from beside you, only for you to show him the note.
“No, but isn’t it tiring to keep thinking of cheesy love notes to write almost everyday?” You whispered to him upon hearing Professor McGonagall enter the class.
“Well, I would say this person is totally head over heels for you to even write these from day 1.” Wooyoung speaks utter nonsense most of the time, but maybe he made some sense today.
You were on your second date with Haknyeon, as he promised to take you on a ride. What ride might I ask? Not just any ride. He was taking you on a ride on a Hippogriff.
“Are you sure we won’t get in trouble for this? I really don’t want to be expelled.” You warned him as he laughed at you.
“Aren’t you being a little too goody two shoes for a Slytherin?” Haknyeon teased, only to get a good slap to his arm from you.
“Say anything stupid again and I swear you’ll be the one swimming in the lake with the damn Lochness.” You threatened as he raised his arms in a surrender but there was a wide grin on his face. Something you’ve grown to adore these days.
With that, he soon hops on the magical creature easily, leaving you nervous. Haknyeon had his hand extended out for you to take but you were afraid.
“Y/N come on, we don’t have forever!” He said.
“What if I fall?” You panicked but you ended up unconsciously whining, making him giggle.
“I won’t let you fall. I promise. Now come on, darling.” Haknyeon jerks his hand to you again, only for you to stare at it for a bit before you finally take his hand into yours. He easily pulled you up and onto the animal’s back. You sat in front of him while you gently grabbed onto the creature’s neck, being careful that you don’t accidentally harm it.
“Okay Buckbeak, show us whatchu got.” Haknyeon said as he gave the creature a few pats to its belly and soon, the creature took off flying into the sky. You let out a scream, hugging the neck tightly while Haknyeon holds onto nothing.
He clearly had more experience than you in terms of flying on this creature’s back.
You had your eyes closed the entire time even when you felt the smooth glide across the air. Still being stubborn to open your eyes, you felt him tap your shoulders.
“Y/N come on! Open your eyes! You’re missing out on the view!” His voice sounded so excited behind you, it almost made you believe it wasn’t the same boy who has been a living nuisance to you all these while.
“No way! I’m just gonna panic even more if I see how high we are!” You yelled over the loud gush of wind that might be rendering your hearing.
“I promise we’ll be fine, just open your eyes! Trust me!” Haknyeon reassured you as you felt him gently slide his hands down your arms and onto your wrist to pull them away from the creature’s neck. You shook your head desperately, hoping he’d leave you alone. Unfortunately for you, he didn’t.
Instead, he thought it would be a good idea to scare you. Maybe that way you’ll finally open your eyes.
And you did.
Because the minute you heard him yell for help, you immediately opened your eyes and turned around only to find him seated firmly on Buckbeak’s back with his arms crossed over his chest.
“You bloody piece of shit!” You huffed in annoyance as you turned back around only for Buckbeak to playfully tilt his body up to make you fall back slightly. That’s when a string of curses left your lips while you desperately grabbed onto its neck.
“Don’t do that Buckbeak!” You scolded the animal, only to get a little sound from him. Just then, Haknyeon decides to challenge you.
“Wanna know what it feels to fly?”
“Uhh, no?”
“It’ll be fun. Here.” Haknyeon said as he slowly reached over to grab your wrists while his firm chest softly pressed against your back but for some reason, it made you feel some sort of safety.
“W-What are you doing?” You stuttered, only for him to smile and soon spoke into your ears leaving a soft tingling feel to your skin.
“Just trust me.”
With that being said, he gently spreads your arms out on either side of you, making them act like wings for you. As Buckbeak glided through the air, you imagined you were flying until you heard him whisper into your ear, “Close your eyes.”
You did as he said, only for it to enhance the imagination. A smile naturally appears on your lips as you completely didn’t see the way he was staring at you from beside you. Ignoring the way his hands found your waist and left it there for the rest of the ride.
It was your third and final date for the bet you made with him. For some odd reason, you didn’t want it to end but of course you couldn’t tell him that. So when you met him at the lake, you looked slightly down and he noticed. Haknyeon wouldn’t let this slide easily which is why he decided to tease you about it.
“What’s with the long face, darling? Already attached to me?”
You scoffed as you approached him by the swing only for you to take a seat at the wooden plank beside his seated figure on the grass patch.
“So what? This was just for the bet anyway.” You mumbled under your breath, not realizing that he heard you.
The next few minutes went by like how your previous dates went. Constant teasing, playful jokes and banter, friendly chats and even random fights that involve you throwing a handful of dead leaves at him while he scoops water from the lake and proceeds to toss it at you.
At the end of this short date, you had just arrived at the end of the wooden bridge when he wraps his fingers around your wrist to stop you from walking any further.
“I just remembered I promised my friends I’d meet them at the Three Broomsticks Inn in like 5 minutes so I have to leave you from here on.” He said.
“Right…” You said, your voice sounded a little sad.
“I guess the bet’s over. Thanks… for... well, going on the dates with me.” Haknyeon said, eyes flickering back and forth between your eyes and the wooden panels behind you.
“A bet’s a bet right? I’d be a wimp if I didn’t do it.” You smiled.
There was a beat of awkward silence as you got ready to leave when he said something that made your stomach flip.
“That’s it? No goodbye kiss? I thought this was a date?” Haknyeon pouted, keeping his gaze on you as stable as possible. You almost couldn’t believe your ears.
Did he just ask you for a kiss?
“I… Umm… Okay?” You stuttered in confusion, earning a soft little giggle from him.
However, the nerves soon disappear the minute he takes a step closer and soon wraps one hand around your waist while the other cups your face before he leans down to let his lips seal yours. You instantly fluttered your eyes shut, letting your hands rest on his chest.
The kiss felt so genuine, you almost forgot how you used to fight with this same boy 24/7. Haknyeon smiled against your lips as he pulled back for air shortly before kissing you again.
His lips were intoxicating, you almost forgot how to breathe. Haknyeon gives you a cheeky little lick to your bottom lip as he soon pulls away from you, leaving you breathless. You pressed your forehead softly against his as you kept your eyes shut, too embarrassed to look at him at this point.
His chuckle fills your ears as he cups your face with both hands and whispers against your lips.
“Go. Be safe. Avoid the common grounds, that’s where Filch always lurks around.” Soon after, he gave your lips another peck before you felt wind whooshing around you. Immediately, his touch left you and it almost made you crumble to the ground.
What did he do to you?
A few days later, you were just having lunch with everyone else at their respective house tables and your friends surrounded you when you saw a note slipping past from under your plate. A pretty baby blue one that is. You carefully unfolded it, only to see it read;
“I realized I was thinking of you, and I began to wonder how long you’ve been on my mind. Then it occurred to me: Since the day I met you, you’ve never left.”
For some reason, those words meant something to you.
It was as though you knew this person and have created some sort of a bond with them. And yet, you still don’t know who. However, you do now have a little suspicion on who it was and who these notes belonged to. So to test your theory, you looked up from your table, almost immediately catching the eyes of the same pair of brown ones you’ve grown accustomed to.
Haknyeon was already staring like he knew you were going to find him. What surprised you the most is the fact that he didn’t even flinch when you caught him.
You held eye contact for a second before you got cut off by Wooyoung putting a scoopful of mashed potatoes onto your plate. You gave the boy a little smack to his head, earning a choke from him. When you looked back over to Haknyeon, he was already talking to his friend with the back of his head facing you.
A few hours later, you were having your Potions class when a note popped out of nowhere from under your book. To avoid getting minus points from Snape, you quickly shoved the note into your cloak pocket and yet you still got called by the Head of Slytherin for not paying attention.
Therefore, having to serve detention.
You could only curse him in your head while you cleaned every single flask and cauldron pots till they were spick and span.
Once you were done, you left the room only to find Haknyeon leaning against the wall with one leg bent to rest his foot on the wall. He was busy playing with his Patronus charm when his eyes flicked up upon hearing the door open.
“Haknyeon? What are you doing here? Don’t we have Transfiguration right now?” You loudly whispered as you approached him only to drag him towards the end where you were hidden from Snape’s office door. Once you were hiding behind the pillar, you turned to peek past the wall with Haknyeon right in front of you.
The hallway was empty thanks to the classes going on currently but that doesn’t mean you were free from not being caught out of class.
“I told Professor McGonagall I’m having stomach aches so she excused me to go to the hospital wing.” Haknyeon explained, only for you to frown.
“And why were you waiting outside Snape’s office, might I ask?”
“To see you.”
“You couldn’t wait till I come to class?” You asked with a slight tease in your voice.
“Needed to see you right after detention, so that I could do this.”
With that being said, he easily captures you into a kiss. You sighed through your nose as you cupped his neck to pull him closer to you. Haknyeon wraps his arms around your waist, letting himself trap you against the wall and his body. You changed your head positions to be at a slightly more comfortable state, feeling him squeeze your sides.
Just then, he pulled away for a breath, making it easy for you to slip in the question.
“All those notes were from you, weren’t they?”
Haknyeon grew quiet for a moment but then decided to just come clean with you. After all, that’s what he has been wanting to do anyway.
“Are you disappointed?”
“I would be if you told me this 4 weeks ago… But now? Not so much.” You smiled.
“Really?” He asked.
“Would I do this if I was disappointed?” You asked only to kiss him again. Haknyeon smirks against your lips as you feel him lift you up and spin you around. When he placed you back down, he gave you a peck on the lips and soon spoke up.
“Should I stop giving you notes then?”
“Go ahead. Cause I’ve already won the prize.”
“You sure have.”
~~~
#the boyz scenarios#the boyz imagines#the boyz juhaknyeon#the boyz fluff#tbz scenarios#tbz imagines#tbz juhaknyeon#ju haknyeon scenarios#haknyeon fluff#tbz x reader#haknyeon x reader#tbz hogwarts#the boyz hogwarts au#hogwarts au
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Long Nights - playlist
You can find it on Spotify here.
Eddie Vedder - Long nights
I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--
For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)
I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.
So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.
And I found it.
The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.
//Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before//
That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.
//Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground//
Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?
Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe
I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).
I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.
//You shut me down, you like the control
You speak to me like I'm a child
Try to hold it down, I know the answer
I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me
I tried to play it nice but
Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh
Don't kill my vibe
Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh
Don't break my stride//
To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.
//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//
That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.
Tom Grennan - I might
To me, it’s another character introduction song.
//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//
....you already know what I’m getting at, right?
//Don't want no one taking up my time
Staying on my mind, changing up my life
Don't want no one messing up my bed
Fucking with my head, it's no lie//
That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.
There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)
//But when you look at me like that
I might//
See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.
Kings of Leon - Find me
That’s more chapter-specific.
//I really wanna know your name
See your face, know who you are, who you are
How did ya find me, how did ya find me?
What are you looking for, are you looking for
How did ya find me how did ya find me
Up in the shadow, picking up my load//
I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.
American Authors - I’m born to run
Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.
//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young
Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run
I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come
Do whatever I want like I'm born to run
I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo
I wanna be careless even if I break my bones
I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young
Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run
All these things I've seen and done
I live my life like I'm born to run//
The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner
Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.
//You could have my body
But you can't have me
I know I'm a criminal
Don't you tell on me//
That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!
Missy Elliot - Work it
(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)
Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.
//Come on
Is it worth it? Let me work it
I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//
...you see what I mean?
Chapter 2: Praise you
God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.
//We've come a long long way together
Through the hard times and the good
I have to celebrate you baby
I have to praise you like I should//
Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?
It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?
...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.
Sam Fender - Start again
This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:
//Let's start again
Let's learn to talk
Without the fear of being heard
'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody
Let's pull the cord
Move below
Let's start again//
Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult
Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.
//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me
You never can get enough of whatever you think you need
No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush
Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//
This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.
//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets
You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//
That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.
//And now I'm standing in the rain
And your hair, it's falling in your face
And I know we're doing the right thing//
Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.
//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//
Ouch.
//On and off, difficult
Too in love to let it go
Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//
The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.
That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.
//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//
I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.
Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you
There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.
//Skin on skin
We didn't finish what we started
Heart to heart
I'm missing your love//
Keir - Probably
The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.
//Colliding were the walls
And I forget where I began
I wish I could remember love//
Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.
//Probably underneath
There's a remedy
Possibly in the air
In the oxygen I breathe
Probably//
And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.
Dermot Kennedy - Glory
This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.
//A set of eyes had pinned him
Became his version of a kingdom
She's everything the devil can't be
When she's singing to me "Glory"//
Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.
Rhys Lewis - Living in The City
If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:
//I've been living in the city too long
I've been given everything that I've got
Been a sinner and a saint
Crazy, and sane
I've been living in the city too long//
We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?
//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go
Wants to just run away
But the rest of my soul says I should stay
I should stay//
And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?
Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad
God, do I love this song.
//So this is where we are
It's not where we had wanted to be
If half the world's gone mad
The other half just don't care, you see
You don't want to fuck with us
British to the very last
When it feels like the world's gone mad
And there's nothing you can do about it
No there's nothing you can do about it//
It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.
Who’s Molly - Touch the sky
Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.
//We can never see beyond that horizon.
And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.
But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.
We'll make it through.
If you were here with me.//
That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.
//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.
I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.
And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.
You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.
Never would have thought I could win this battle.
I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.
We're going to set the world alight tonight.
Cause we can touch the sky!//
That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.
//Close your eyes, free your soul.
You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//
Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌
Dermot Kennedy - Young & free
Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.
//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die
Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines
Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind
Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time
We were young
We were free, come on now, let it go//
The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.
James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me
Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.
//I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating//
To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.
Ruelle - Oh my my
Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.
//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones
Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum
Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind
You never see us creeping in, creeping in
Oh my my, oh my my
You never stood a chance
...
Ready or not, here we come//
The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.
Speaking of rain--
Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain
The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.
//But it's alright because
You cause lanterns to light
And force demons disperse
And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears
Then, for evil, you could not be worse
But I see you now, yeah, I see you
And release me now, kinda like dreams do
And I see you now, was hard to see you
Just don't forget to sing
Remember everything//
So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.
I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.
Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?
...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)
//If you think just maybe it's her
Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know
You won't go lonely, yeah
It'll all be better in the morning
'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//
Aquillo - Six feet over ground
Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.
//Today's the day I found myself alright
When I look ahead, pretend it never came.
I found a way to keep my head above
But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'
Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing
I'm still six feet over ground
But you don't need to know now
You don't need to know how I'm doing//
They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.
Aquilo - Silhouette
The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder
Strangers in your head
As if you don't remember
As if you can forget
It's only been a moment
It's only been a lifetime
But tonight you're a stranger
Some silhouette //
When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.
//Just hold me//
Nathan Ball - Drifting
//I can see in your eyes
When you lie awake at night
You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright
To keep on drifting
With the drugs keeping you high
They catch you falling from the sky
I keep asking myself why
You stand by
And keep on drifting
…
So tell me what you hold inside
Tell the backstreets of your mind
You're still lonely as a child
Teary eyed
Kept on drifting//
Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.
Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--
//So take my hand and hold on
Take my hand don't let go//
That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.
I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.
Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic
//Cold light wakes me in the morning,
Your side is empty I was calling out to you,
I was calling out to you.//
That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.
//But I don't need your love,
I just need your
Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up
Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,
When I'm hungover too.
Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,
You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,
When I'm lonely for you.
All that I need is a sweet escape,
And all that I need is a sweet escape.
...
Cause I don't need your love
But I just need you now
And I don't need your love
I just need you now//
This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.
RHODES - Breathe
The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.
//Mind break in two,
There's a light in the sky, there's a light
And it's all for you
Dawn colors all
Tell me how do you feel?
Tell me how do you need to heal?//
Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.
//Breathe, release it all
Come on now, I'll keep you warm
Come on!
Breathe, release it all
Come on now, I need your love
Come on now!//
To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.
Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic
The one for ✨the moment✨.
//Comfort me, oh comfort me
I'm lighting up
To see the day you run for me
You run for me, my love//
Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.
//But I've been tied up
For days
And I've been thinking of the things that you say
And I've been wound up
Each way
I need to let you know, to let you know today//
Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.
//You call me a liar
You call me so innocent
But you lit the fire
You lit the fire that burns
The fire that burns inside us
I'm not innocent
I lit the fire, the fire, the fire
I lit the fire//
Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.
The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version
//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said
You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head
Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said
You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark
To start again//
You can see it, right?
Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.
//And it feels like falling in, falling in love
Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love
Could save me tonight//
The 1975 - Fallingforyou
//According to your heart
My place is not deliberate
Feeling of your arms
I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck
Don't you see me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
And don't you need me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
On this night, and in this light
I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you
And maybe you, change your mind//
They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.
Adam French - Weightless
The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.
That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.
//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders
You see you're gonna make it alright
How you're gonna make it alright
When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright
You say your body will
You say your body will
Hold me in the night
...
Only you can make me weightless
...
Closer is all I ever wanted to be
There for ya so you can be confiding in me
There to break the fall
Here for everybody to see
Weightless after all//
Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect
I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.
And my god, this song.
//You live like you're a secret
One that only I could know
'Cause I said
You know what I want and
I know who you are
I know when I hold you and love you
You'll get up and go before you fall apart//
...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?
//I'll bring you every colour that I find
In your eyes
You wake me up
And it breaks my heart
That you're perfectly imperfect
You're hurting but you're worth it
You don't know why
I would waste my time
But I'm falling and I mean it
I want you like I need it
There's nothing you could try to change my mind
'Cause I'm in love
So call me when you want me and I'll come running
Find me waiting at your door
So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long
'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//
That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.
Bastille - Survivin’
The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.
//And I'm not gonna lie
Say I've been alright
'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down
What can I say? I'm survivin'
Crawling out these sheets to see another day
What can I say? I'm survivin'
And I'm gonna be fine
I'm gonna be fine
I think I'll be fine//
As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.
Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped
Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.
//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//
Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--
//Feels like I know you so well
You could be everything that I've been missing
I'm coming out of my shell
And I never do that
How did you do that?
It's like I've known you my whole life//
That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.
//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses
Maybe you like me the way I am//
That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.
//Baby, I'm in love//
🙃
INXS - Need you tonight
I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)
//So slide over here and give me a moment
Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know
I've got to let you know
You're one of my kind
I need you tonight
'Cause I'm not sleepin'
There's somethin' about you, girl
That makes me sweat//
That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.
Dermot Kennedy - Days like this
Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.
That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.
//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch
Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this
When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this
When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//
They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.
James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic
The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.
//Take your time
I'll be right here
I know no one could ever love me better
Take all night
You're the truth that
Is breaking me and keeping me together
Together
I wanna be in your touch
Sleep is so tough
You're burning up my mind
What would it feel like if you tore me apart?
Come on chew on my heart
...
I'm on fire
I'm a hot mess
I'm thinking things that I might start regretting
So hear me out
I need you now
I'm spiraling
I'm sinking down
Look for me I'm sending up a message
A message//
I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.
Picture This - Unconditional
This one just makes my heart sing.
//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it
Even when we're sleepless and damaged
I don't doubt it
We're holding on//
That’s exactly it.
//Baby I wish we could take this feeling
And put it away somewhere safe
'Til we need it
Unconditional
I'm so afraid of losing your love//
They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.
//Shivers running down my back with your fingers
The smell of your perfume it lingers
And whispers
What I want you to say
Under your skin, underdressed under covers
We bring out the best in each other
Two lovers finding our way//
The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.
BANNERS - Start a riot
But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.
//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm
No surrender, no retreat
I will tear down every wall
Just to keep you warm
Just to bring you home
I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust
I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust
Will you take my hand?
We can make our stand
If your world falls apart
I'd start a riot
If night falls in your heart
I'd light the fire
In the dark, when you sound the alarm
We'll find each other's arms
For your love, all you are
I'd start a riot//
The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.
Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--
Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live
When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.
I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.
//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//
Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.
//No, I don't want to fall in love
With you, with you
What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//
And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.
Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.
Lewis Watson - Little light
//And all this shade is, illuminating
And all those love lines, are taking shape
And all my worries, disintegrating
And I've been waiting, I've been waiting
And all my days were young and wasted
When I was waiting, oh for you
And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading
But ever since I found you
A little light is breaking through//
Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.
X Ambassadors - Renegades
Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.
//Long live the pioneers
Rebels and mutineers
Go forth and have no fear
Come close and lend an ear
…
All hail the underdogs
All hail the new kids
All hail the outlaws
Spielbergs and Kubricks
It's our time to make a move
It's our time to make amends
It's our time to break the rules
Let's begin//
I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.
I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)
Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t
Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.
//Under the water
It's cold and it's grey
My torrid autumn
Another season decays
Open up the Hollow
And my walls come down
I tell you it's a problem
Just when no one's around
But then
I know what's wrong
God, you complicated everything
I know you're gone, gone, gone
This is where I will draw my line
I will draw my line//
To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.
Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway
I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.
I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.
//It's a long way down
I keep backing away from the edge
And it's a slow burnout
Like the fires that rage in my head
And it's a slow cry out
When you've got so many tears you could die
And it's a long time to wait
When you take all my tears away//
Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.
//My body is colder
Time is frozen
All these feelings have poisoned my soul
And in silence no I can't stand it
Please break these chains and hell I can
Hideaway//
She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.
//You're my one way out
And my tears won't save me now
Save me now
I can't stand it
All this loneliness I feel
I can't do this alone
I need someone to remind my feelings
That I've fallen down by the door
It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now
It's a long way down
I keep backing away from the edge
And it's a slow burnout
Like the fires that rage in my head//
Macy Gray - I try
One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.
//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near//
It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.
Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic
//She told me she was hollow
That's far from what I see//
That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.
//I told her she was special
She almost let me in
But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//
We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.
//Lonely is her favourite
If only I could change it
If I could only save her
But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken
Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open
Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire
Mostly she's everything I desire
Lonely is her favourite place to be//
Galleaux - Tether me
I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.
//In this space, do I belong?
It's dark out here in my own thoughts
Pull me back, out of my body
I'm tied to my limbs
They're spinning me out of control
Tether me//
And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.
Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay
There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.
It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.
//Lover, I know you're weary
Eyes are tired from the night
Lover, come to the kitchen floor
Tiles are cold, so am I//
You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.
//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin
And I don't wanna be alone
If I am tonight, I'll always be//
Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.
//So take from me what you want, what you need
Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need
But lover, please stay with me, oh//
You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨
Foo Fighters - Home
When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.
//Wish I were with you
But I couldn't stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today
All I want is to be home//
About to leave for good.
This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.
BANKS - Someone new
Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -
//I can love you desperately
Though your love ain't guaranteed
Oh, I wish you knew the deal
Gotta learn from far away
And I simply needed space
Space for me to be
And I think you need it too
Though I know you call me selfish for assuming
I did this for you too//
This, this, all of this! You see it, right?
//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you
Don't know what else to do//
Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.
//And please don't fall in love with someone new
I promise one day I'll come back for you//
And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.
//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words
Calling me a fool
Saying that I've fucked up everything
And you'll never forgive me//
See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.
Agnes Obel - Riverside
//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep
And I don't know why I go the way
Down by the riverside//
As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.
Billy Raffoul - Dark four door
There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.
//You got up, you felt you should
I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could
I never thought that you would//
Chris Cornell - Before we disappear
Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.
//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?
How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//
Dermot Kennedy - A closeness
The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--
//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you
Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss
A permanent truth, a means to get through//
Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?
//Deep into the night, eyes closing
Heart swollen with my loving for you
A solid embrace, kind face
And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons
Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night
You've got a heart like the moon
Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it
'Cause she got to go soon//
And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.
Ryan McMullan - Outcry
I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.
//You came a long way to see me
So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine
What's the point that you're making
Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind
If in doubt, don't fake it
I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie
If you're in love don't be ashamed of it
'Cause even angels fall for demons//
God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?
And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.
//I've heard stories, but they're jaded
So give me something more
I only know what I've been told
But I can tell that you're frustrated
And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold
If you tell me you're hurting
I'm hurting too, yeah
Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine
I'll wait for the outcry
Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//
And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.
//If you feel like leaving
Then maybe it's for the best
Or if you feel like you've given in
Oh, give yourself a chance
If you feel like crying
Oh please don't hold it in
If you feel like reaching out oh
Let me in//
His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.
Gavin James - Hard to do
One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.
//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave
This house isn't home to me
I'm tired of losing everyone I see
Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do
Trying to hold on//
Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.
//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run
But two hearts are better than one
You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone
Oh, I'll be gone
It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//
Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.
//Oh, but I need you
Far more than I ever want you
It's such an unnatural thing we do
When falling in love's just so hard to do
Hard to do//
She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.
Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you
I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.
//Wherever you are
You know that I adore you
No matter how far
Well, I can go before you
And if ever you need someone
Well, not that you need helping
But if ever you want someone
Know that I am willing//
He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.
//Oh, and I don't want to change you
I don't want to change you
I don't want to change your mind//
Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.
//I've never been with anyone
In the way I've been with you
But if love is not for fun
Then it's doomed
'Cause water races
Water races down the waterfalls//
Lucy Spraggan - Run
Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?
//I just to run to the end of the world
Just to see if it's possible
I don't care what I've been told
I want to run to the end of the world
I'm going to run,run,run
Bye bye problems
Run 'til the road hits the sea
You better run,run,run
If you want to be free//
Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.
//I wanna feel invincible
One more mile out of principle
I want to see the whole damn world
One cross road can change it all//
Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.
------
Quite a journey that was.
Thank you all for taking it with me.
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I love the idea of the Hidden Seven throwing a party at the mansion instead of taking Five along for his first college party. I think it would be very considerate of them since he probably would not like so much social interaction at once so the familiar environment and the fact he can kick everyone out the minute he's uncomfortable would give him some semblance of control over the situation. I'm imagining the Hidden Seven in a huddle, maybe while Reader and Five are on a date, and deciding this among themselves cuz they care about him and they've been to High School parties but college parties are on another level and Five has never been to ANY party. He's part of their little group now too so they take care of him in the little ways.
Additionally, as part of the "how to summon the H7", Five discovers eventually that it's not just memes that grab their attention but if he dares say anything slightly self-loathing about himself or says he's hungry/refers to his past trauma of any type, he can summon them as fast as if they have his power too, Usually along with a Hargreeve, notably Allison and Vanya as well. (there's a tumblr chat post used for fandom characters for this exact scenario or I'd type it out but I just can't remember it exactly rn D:)
Also would Five participate on the Hidden Seven's missions as well when not trapped by Big Bad Evil Guys? I can see him mostly taking a backseat with the fighting, acting as a distraction more than anything else but definitely getting used to the H7s antics and participating in these menial conversations unless he's in an agitated mood in which case he takes a more hands on approach as well.
Five (flashing in front of a robber so he doesn't realize Dean is about to shoot him in the back): Can we PLEASE go get a decent cup of coffee after this. I've been in class since 8 AM and now this?
Addison: Do you ever stop thinking about coffee? Sonata and I brought you some on our way to class! We thought it would tide you over til 3 at least!
Reader (melting someone's brains): He spilled half when someone bumped into his desk. I had to keep him from committing murder. Our Physics professor was not amused.
*Five kills someone in his peripheral with nothing but a paper weight*
Lucas (throws a guy against a wall): Ohh so that's why he's so murdery today... Normally he just distracts people for us.
Bren (using his whips to hold someone in place): Is that also why you asked to borrow my extra shirt?
Everyone looks and Five is indeed wearing one of Bren's usual shirts.
Kenny (punching the guy being held in place) : Hey! I offered too!
Bren: Yeah but none of us would be caught dead in your clothes after you bought your neon atrocity.
Kenny (gasps): You take that back! My jacket is the height of fashion!
Five (doing his stapler trick): Cool stapler, my guy. *kills him* Anyway can we get back to the point. COFFEE! I can't take Professor Snotty's class without it or I won't need paradox psychosis to feel homicidal rage... (flashes to reader's side) Hey, mon amour, need some assist? *holds guy in place so reader can do her thing*
Viktoria (pauses bad viola playing to say over the sound system): You call a Professor as Snotty?
Reader (taking her time with the destruction of the bad guy): His names Snitty so it's not any better. The entire phys-chem departments calls him that.
Kenny: I would like to meet this professor Snotty.
Reader and Five pause and consider it... The bad guy tries to sneak away.
Dean: Anyway so... Coffee after this? I have like 2 hours before my next class (impales sneaking away bad guy with an arrow) and I really don't wanna do my homework.
Kenny: Ooh! I want a unicorn milkshake!
Lucas (roughing up a bad guy): That sweetened monstrosity? Really?
Bren (slashing a guy): I am NOT babysitting Necrotic if he gets a unicorn milkshake. He's all yours.
Meanwhile, the bad guys are all dead and the H8 then go and get their well earned smoothies, milkshakes and coffees.
(Sorry for the long message, I almost sent three asks with all three topics separately but then combined them into one for ease after I caught up on the discussion this morning xD do you think it's all accurate to your vision?)
Oh yeah, they definitely take his lack of party experience into consideration. Giving him as much control as possible will make it such a better time for him. I think when the party actually occurs at first Five is a little hesitant just because it’s a lot of people he’s never met and it’s a new experience but which a couple of shots that Kenny definitely offered him he starts to loosen up and enjoy himself more. He would absolutely be by the readers side the whole time tipsily telling her about all the stuff he admires about her and pulling her on to the dance floor with him the more comfortable he gets. He would be having a hell of a time and would totally tell his siblings to leave if they showed up early.
Because of how much they care for Five if he ever said something negative about himself you would hear a chorus of “Nooooooo!” coming from across the house as all the rest of them ran from different directions to get to him. They’d immediately go into helping mode because even though they themselves would say similar things because they’re Gen Z so of course they wouldn’t want their friend to feel upset.
And yes, Five would definitely join them to fight criminals because it’s a very casual bonding activity for all of them. They just get notifications about stuff that is going down and they will all collectively drop what they’re doing and go there because it’s probably better than whatever they were doing before. And to the bad guys it is so infuriating that not only that they’re being beat by such young people but that they won’t even focus on the fight. They’re just that good together. Also:
Five: (spatial jumping around aggressively taking out people)
Kenny: (knocking someone out) Jeez he’s aggressive today. What happened?
Reader: (Throwing knives at some guys) Oh our physics professor was just well snotty today, as always.
Five: (snapping a criminal’s neck) JUST SNOTTY? HE WAS A FULL ON ASSHOLE. HE SAID SHE WAS WRONG WHEN SHE HAD THE RIGHT ANSWER AND WHEN I SAID THE ANSWER HE SAID I WAS RIGHT.
Viktoria: (making some criminals ears bleed) Oh god...is your professor still alive?
Reader: Yes
Five: UNFORTUNATELY. SOMEONE DECIDED TO STOP ME FROM PUTTING HIM IN HIS PLACE
Dean: (releasing an arrow into a guy) Five you would’ve put him in the grave.
Five: It’s where he belongs
Addison: (kicking a gun out of a criminal’s hand and across the room) Ringmaster, what did you do to stop him?
Reader: (disintegrating someone’s stomach) I had to use my powers to make him so dense he couldn’t jump. Believe me it took a lot to stop him.
Bren: (catching someone running away with his whip) Damn that’s crazy.
Lucas: (tossing a guy down a staircase) If it makes you feel better Five I would’ve done the same thing for Spotlight.
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I love Soft Saturday/Sunday! :3 I remember you posted a selfship of yourself and I wanted to try one for me lol so, here goes! It was a bit hard/weird because I don't think any of these wonderful guys would be with me ^^U It was still fun to do though!
1.) Belle x Todoroki, Shouto (Bellouto? Shoutelle? Belloroki?)
- I'd probably be very distant with Todoroki at first because of his cold demeanor. It would have to be Midoriya who would get us together.
- We would end up sitting together at the same lunch table, chatting with our group of friends. Eventually our love for noodles would bring us closer. I would buy him some different types of cold soba or even show him unique recipes to try out. If I ever see anything soba related, I'd text him and say "Look! I thought of you! It's your fave ^^"
- Once he opens up about his past, I'd probably get teary eyed and give him a big hug. I'd thank him for trusting me enough with his childhood memories and I'd also eventually open up to him about my own hardships.
- I would give him all my love without smothering him. I'd just want to show him the love and care he deserves especially since he didn't have much of it growing up.
- I think it's the little things that might make Todoroki fall for me. Things like bringing him tea when he's studying late, if he fell asleep before setting up his alarm, I'd put one on his phone and on my own just to make sure he'd wake up on time, praising/acknowledging all of his big and small accomplishments, getting his favorite food when he's sad/had a rough day, sending him cute text messages like "Good morning, handsome!" or even doing something like this:
Me and Todoroki: *studying intensely*
Me: *gasps loudly* OMG
Todoroki: What? O_O
Me: I love you. (´,,•ω•,,)♡
🙈
2.) Belle x Miya, Atsumu (Bellumu? Biya? Atsubelle?)
- I'd have to have known him for a long time before we'd date. Kind of like childhood friends to lovers? If I met him at an older age, I might think he was a jerk and wouldn't want to go out with him.
- I wouldn't be afraid to call him out. Like when Atsumu is having his "if you can't hit my toss then you shouldn't be on the team" moment, I'd probably punch his arm and scold him.
- I'd have to turn it around and tell him "what if someone told you that?" or "treat others the way you want to be treated". I think he'd like that I don't treat him any different or baby him.
- Since we're childhood friends, we're already comfortable with each other. We've also seen, heard, and been through a lot together. We'd know silly small things about each other like "Atsumu always listens to this song right before a game" or "His right eye always twitches 3 times before he sneezes"
- He's seen me go through some relationships and has seen how I've acted/treated the person I'm dating. Atsumu would see that I put in a lot of effort and the stuff I'd do for my previous boyfriends. I think that would eventually make him want to ask me out. It'd be something that he might want to experience, too. Like how it would feel to hold my hand or share a loving embrace.
- When we'd get angry at each other, it could get a bit loud, but we would resolve things quickly.
- Our relationship would also be fun and full of silliness and lovely surprises. He'd do something like honk the horn right when I'm passing in front of his car to get to the passenger side. Atsumu would also surprise me with a gift that I've been eyeing or even a spontaneous trip to somewhere!
3.) Belle x Kageyama, Tobio (Bellayama? Tobelle? Kagelle?)
- We met at a mutual friend's party in college. We'd probably talk about how we were basically dragged there.
-I love to party/hang out, but when I have something to do/ a goal, I strive hard to accomplish it. (ugh, getting some PTSD from nursing school lol)
-We would end up talking about our ambitions and what we hope to end up doing in our lives. After becoming friends for a while, we'd get on the topic of relationships. We'd both want someone who is patient and understands that when we're busy, we're not ignoring them. We're studying/practicing.
-I think that is what convinces both of us to start a relationship.
-We're both busy and can get stressed out easily, but we'd know what to do to ease the stress a little. Like giving Kageyama different flavored milk cartons.
-It would look like we don't spend much time together/don't really act like a couple, but when we have free time, we'd be spending it with each other.
-We'd get our nails done together. ���〃・ω・〃）
-We'd both have to think about how great it would be when we get settled with our careers and that we'd have more time to spend together. Planning future adventures/vacations is our motivation.
-Even though I'd miss Kageyama dearly, I totally understand how it feels like when you have other obligations. I'd never want to get in the way of his goal so I would do my best to support him and show my love in any way that I can and that would be something he might love about me.
First off, all three of these amazing boys would love you to pieces! You are so thoughtful and kind and they'd be foolish not to fall for you! I accept no arguments about this. 😊 This got way out of hand so... gonna put my rambling below a cut.
Send me some soft headcanons
Let's talk Todoroki! Gonna be honest... I don't know if I trust Midoriya to play cupid 😂 Of course, meeting Todoroki through him makes sense, but you know who zeros in on how cute you two look together immediately? Yes, it's Mina! Thankfully she's not obnoxious about it, but she does have your back. She expertly manipulates every situation to give you and Todoroki a chance to interact. Somehow, thanks to her, he always ends up sitting/standing right next to you in class, at lunch, in training, on the bus, on the sofa in the common room... EVERYWHERE.
Poor boy would be so confused at first by your attention. Like, of course he doesn't mind being your friend, but nobody else texts or talks to him about his interests outside of hero stuff. He didn't even know anyone noticed he liked soba that much. And all the little things you do for him like bringing him tea or setting an alarm, he's not used to it. He doesn't hate it though. Actually, he kind of likes it. And I just want you to prepare yourself for the day when he takes the initiative and your phones lights up with a message from him for the first time with a picture of some random thing that made him think of you. *my heart would explode*
It's all downhill after that because he really likes the way you respond when he reciprocates your kindness. The flustered look on your face when he brings you some of his sister's homemade soba noodles for lunch, the cute emojis you use in your texts when he messages you first in the morning, and the shy smile you give him when he finds the courage to compliment you. He's never wanted to take care of someone the way he wants to take care of you before.
ATSUMU. You're totally right. I'm the same as you in that I would not trust this little shit for a while after meeting him. Childhood friends to lovers is nice because you there's no way you wouldn't know the real Atsumu. The idea of you knowing little personal things about each other is so cute too. Atsumu takes advantage of this and always gives the best gifts for birthdays and holidays. And he's always so excited to watch you open what he got because he KNOWS you'll love it because he knows YOU.
I'd like to say that he'd be into the fact that you treat him normally like anyone else, but something tells me he would actually expect special treatment since you two are close friends. It would surprise him a little every time you reprimand him for being rude to his teammates or fighting with his brother. He respects you more than anyone else in his life though, so he always straightens up his act just as soon as you give him that look. He hates when you're angry or annoyed at him, so of course he'll be on his best behavior for you. Honestly, he'd do anything to get positive attention from you. (He's already such a simp for you and he doesn't even realize)
He thinks he's just being a protective friend when he criticizes all your previous boyfriends. None of them are even that terrible but in his eyes, nobody treats you the way you should be treated and nobody would ever be good enough. He puts you on a pedestal to be honest. And yes, once you're together it would be full of teasing and giggles and he would absolutely take it too far and overdo it sometimes and get himself into trouble, but it's okay because you know he never means to upset you. He's just so excited and in love with you.
Kageyama's turn. Oh my god! This boy would be so awkward at a college party. He'd probably just be all tall and weird standing in the corner like 😳 what's happening? Thank goodness for you, coming over to talk to him ... but wait... you're so cute... WHY are you talking to him? Now he's flustered for a different reason and he tries his best to have a normal casual conversation with you but he stumbles over his words a bit but bless your heart, you pretend not to notice and continue smiling at him. He thinks you are SO PRETTY!! omg😭
A huge weight lifts off his chest when you start talking about your goals. He knows about goals. That's easy. The look on his face is kind of scary at first because it looks like he's scowling, but he is just listening very intently to you and absorbing every single word. He almost seems like a different person when you let him talk to you about volleyball. His whole face lights up and he's talking very enthusiastically with his hands. He apologizes for ranting at you afterwards, but is also amazed that you'd stayed and let him talk so long.
Being around you IS a huge stress relief. At first he's worried about not spending enough time with you or making you think he's not interested because of his awkward mannerisms. But you're always super understanding and patient with him. Plus, you're just as busy working towards your own dreams. He supports you as much as he can just as you do for him and falling into a relationship is just really easy and natural for the two of you.
Kageyama doesn't really know how to do big extravagant dates, so just being able to take walks with you, or do activities like doing your nails together is enough to make him happy. He WANTS to do more for you though. He would never admit to this, but he actually has a small list of things he plans to do once you both have more time. He pays attention to what you might even consider silly throwaway comments like "One day we should...." or "Sometime I'd like to...." He writes it all down because even if they aren't career goals, those are still things you want which makes them very important to him.
#belle💖#best moot squad#sorry I kinda... went crazy with this#Shoto Todoroki#Atsumu Miya#Tobio Kageyama
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Obey Me! MC Character Sheet
Thanks to @kyungi-i for the spred sheet! I've seen others do it and thought why not me?
Name: Alisa Moreno
Nickname: Ally, Lisa, Li-Li, Al, Isa, Moreno
Age: 18
Height: 5'3
Weight: 170
Race: Human
Gender: ♀️
Birthday: April 13
Star Sign: Aries
Hair Color: Brown (pink streaks)
Eye Color: Brown
Skin: Brown/freckled
Demon brother, she is most to least like:
1. Levi
2. Belphie
3. Satan
4. Lucifer
5. Beel
6. Mammon
7. Asmo
Personality: she's pretty cynical and pessimistic, she also seems very aloof but somehow has a way of knowing a little bit of everything that's going on. When she wants to be she can be very observative and dedicated to her work, otherwise, she can come off as lazy, or disinterested just as much as aloof. Her snide personality comes off subtle mostly due to her wallflower and nerdish appearance. And she does have trouble getting to know other people due to her self-consciousness, low self-esteem and social anxiety; all of which she masks under witty remarks, jokes, and sarcasm. She puts up walls and its difficult to get to know her past surface level, despite it all Lisa does have a soft side and softens up around people that have a natural kindness and positivity about them or are straightforward. She has a good sixth sense, which helps her be an extremely good judge of character more often than not she is correct about her intuition regarding others' intentions towards her. Lastly, she has a bad habit of acting out and deliberately going against authority, she doesn't like feeling controlled and being told what to do. She'll usually follow the rules because she can't be bothered with the effort to break them but if she feels like someone's trying to control her or that she's being patronized then she will deliberately go out of her way to break the rules.
Background: Before coming down to Devildom, Lisa, despite only being 18 had already finished all her schooling, including higher education. Back on earth, she was recognized as a child prodigy in her research on historical documents and records, despite her early achievements at such an early age, the pressure of being placed on such a high pedestal career-wise eventually got to her and she fizzled out. Growing up an orphan without a past or family, the academy she worked for and her work was all she had, after she cracked due to the pressure she ran away hoping to live out the youth she felt she had never experienced in childhood. At age 16 she was a runaway and going under a different name. She lived on the streets and squatted in abandoned buildings for a few months before she met some people that offered to help her. During this time she developed an interest in music seeing as the people who helped her were a musical band full of teens just like her.
In order to stay with them, she lied to them about the truth of who she was and why she ran away. She stayed with one of the band members she had become close to during her initial days of having met them. While she stayed with them she learned how to play several instruments and eventually sing as well. She went on to perform with them but after two years of playing with them musical difference surged and a fight broke out, after which Alisa decided to run away again. It was during her second night of squatting in an abandoned house that she woke up in Devildom.
Hobbies: Music; Singing, Electric Guitar, Violin.
Likes: Sweets, Reading, Music, Animals, Writing, Video Games and drawing.
Dislikes: Liars, being lied to, math, meddling (Ironically), cruelty, injustice/unfairness and short tempers. Words that sound one way but are spelled another, or that sound like they mean one thing and then mean something else.
Appearance:
She's fairly average height. She's on the plump side, with a rounded face that makes her look baby-faced. She has freckles but due to her brown skin they're difficult to notice. Her eyes are rounded and large despite the dark circles brought on by years of bad sleeping. Her hair is short in a bob cut and wavy/curly, usually, she has a singular braid running down her left side. She wears glasses to see and prefers to wear loose-fitting clothing except for at performances. She tends to dress on the nerdy side.
Casual Clothing -
• Top: Sky Blue sweater rather loose fitting sweater over a white button up blouse.
• Bottom: plaid moss green skirt. Over the knee length, style is somewhat pencil skirt. Black tights under skirt.
• Shoes: Brown Boots.
• Accessories: star-shaped hair clip, silver necklace with a star pendant, a bunch of woven, or leather, or beaded bracelets.
• Glasses: Yes. Black plain.
Uniform:
Alterations?
Not many, she wears the uniform properly a skirt version with the same black tights underneath the skirt. And a light blue tie on her uniforms blouse.
• Mother: N/A
• Father: N/A
• Siblings: N/A
• Pets: A black cat she adopted during the first time she ran away, she found her in one of the abandoned buildings fed her and the cat kept following her after that. Her name is Pandora.
• Friends: Prior to joining the band Alisa had none, after joining the band she made 2, Lydia and Florence. The lead singer and drummer of the band, respectively. She stayed with Florence and her grandmother during her time in the band.
• Past Relationships:
She had a mentor/advisor who eventually became a colleague when she finally started working with the academy. She was very close to her and was her only actual relationship. Her relationship with Dr. Aver was the closest she's ever had to a familial relationship. In the early stages of their relationship Aver became endeared with a rather small and young Alisa and tried to offer her the closest thing to a family she could through her and her husband. While they had a solid well-going relationship, they hit an obstacle when Aver was offered a position teaching at a highly prestigious institution abroad. Aver tried to keep connected long distance but it all came to an end when Alisa ran away.
Alisa dated three times during her time in the band the first relationship was bad from the start and ended badly, the second and third one ended with Alisa self-sabotaging herself due to the first bad experience. All occurred relatively back to back during the first year and half of her being in the band.
The first one though was the longest one, which lasted for 9 months. The last two were relatively short-lasting about a month to two each.
Sexuality: Unsure, possibly Pan.
Have they been in love before?
Because of her first toxic relationship and overall young age, at the time Alisa is hesitant to say that she ever was truly in love in any of her past relationships. But she was the most heartbroken with the ending of her 3rd relationship. Prior to her third relationship, the other two were mainly out of curiosity for exploring with dating than actual love.
How easily do they gain crushes?
Not easy, she wasn't aware of her feelings towards her third (future) partner until she was in her second relationship, her feelings for her 3rd future partner had started amidst her 1st relationship when it started going downhill.
Do they believe in love?
She doesn't really have an opinion on it, she's rather cynical and with her negative past experiences you would think she doesn't believe in it anymore if she ever had, but honestly, it's not something she's thought about that much. She's just experiencing life as she goes, maybe someday...
What's their type:
Alisa is the type of person to look for what she's missing in her life in someone else; she's typically drawn to kind, warm-hearted people, more likely than not optimists with positive personalities. You get the sense that she's into the "angelic" type (thus her third ex/first love) with a strong moral compass always set on doing right. Of course, this being her type doesn’t mean it’s what suits her the best. Mixed with her low self-esteem, a relationship with her ideal type may turn out to be hazardous as she might end up over-idealizing the person or self-sabotaging once again due to low self-worth as well.
Which of the 7 brothers is her favorite?
That's a tough one she likes both Mammon and Levi but couldn't pick a favorite between both. Although Beel is also a strong contender for her favorite.
Why?
Mammon, despite not being honest about what he truly thinks about her is easy to read and has always been there for her when she's truly needed him, he's stepped in to save her multiple times and she knows he clearly worries about her. She's grateful to him despite his antics, and is able to look past the big cool guy/bad boy facade he puts on and appreciate him for being there when she really needs him.
Levi, she actually sees a lot of herself in him. Especially, a lot of her from prior to her first run away. She relates to his hermit-like personality because prior to running away she was like that as well. She can also sympathize and empathize with his obvious insecurities and wants to more than anything be there to reassure him and help become more secure of himself. Despite not being a total weeb like Levi, during her time in the band she did develop some interest in anime and manga, just not as passionate as Levi's.
What do they look for in a partner?
Ideally, she likes kind-hearted, empathetic people but speaking practically she'd prefer an honest straightforward person easy to read that doesn't try to play mind games or control her. Someone patient and that can reassure her when she doubts herself, and most importantly someone that will call her out when she needs to be. She doesn't want someone that will coddle, pamper, or try to spoil her like a little doll and let her get away with things that are prick-ish. She's good at keeping herself in check but she'd like the reassurance that someone will call her out if she slips up without noticing.
General -
Fav. Food: Tamales, but she also loves Cheeseburgers and Milkshakes.
Least Favorite: Meatloaf, Eggnog, Rasin Muffins, Salmon.
Favorite color: blue & green
Least Favorite: White or Neons
Sociable or Recluse? Both, she can be something of an ambivert but prefers to be more reserved due to her majority introvertness.
Favorite Movie Genre: Droll Comedy, or Action Political Thrillers/govt. conspiracy, K-drama's
Reader or not? Very much a reader, liked it and eventually it was what her job required of her in order to conduct her research.
Favorite Animals: She likes cats and dogs, but she also has an ample love for animals of all kinds but especially the ones that can be found in the woods; Owls, Raccoons, Wolves, Crows. Her favorite however has to be the Fox.
Favorite Music Genre: Rock, though she's big on ceremonials and sea shanties as well, and loves testing her vocal range with gregorian chants and Hymns.
Least Favorite: Country
Do they like sweets?
BIG YES.
Do they like spicy food?
👌👌👌👌
Do they like school?
Not so much like but she was good at it, and a majority of her life was dedicated and depended on it, overall she doesn't have bad memories about school perse, so I guess you could say that she does.
Pet Peeves:
Loud food chewing, bad breath, meddling in her business, being patronized, people pointing out her baby face, people trying to manipulate, use or lie to her.
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Pairing:Jin x Reader
Word Count: 4k
Summary: It was one thing to love him in secret, but when you think he might like you back it changes everything. (90% Fluff, 7% Angst, 3% I don't know what this is)
Warnings: None really, there is 1 mention of throwing up for like a second and a few mentioning anxiety but nothing serious
A/N: This is the first fic I've ever decided to write. I hope it resembles him a bit, but it was fun writing. I don't know if I'll continue either, I just hope I did Jin some justice (:
---
Becoming his friend always felt natural, kind of like mac meeting its cheese, or peanut butter finding its jelly. He was sweet, funny, goofy Seokjin. 2 years younger, but no one could ever tell the difference. He was smart, where it counted. He hated bugs, was extra competitive, and loved marvel as much as you. That made your friendship fun. You would chill in his apartment, play endless games of super smash, and compare recipes whenever you found something new you'd want to try. Because you came from different social groups, it seemed odd at first to your friends. They laughed when they couldn't picture it being real.
"No way _____! Do both of you just have pout monologues? Because I would hate to be in the middle of that blab fest!" Hobi joked as he pictures both of you endlessly going off on each other. You both have certain quirks and apparently over talking was one of them. The more you guys interacted when you were all together, the more your friends didn't believe it.
It wasn't until the first time you had all gone to the movies together as a group. Seokjin sat next to you and you could have sworn all the girls gave the biggest groan, making you turn beet red and Seokjin laugh awkwardly. But once all of your friends realised that's exactly what it was, a friendship, they were quick to stand up for it, because there wasn't anything more. Even when your girlfriends started noticing him.
Sometimes, a lot of times, being his friend was hard. He was a 10 everywhere he'd go, regardless of how nerdy he came off when he spoke. When he wore his dumb round glasses around his beautiful face girls would swoon saying that he looked like a lawyer. Sure, he'd never win with his dumb logic, you thought.
When he would have to attend a fancy dinner in slacks and the same blue button up with white stripes on the sleeve citing that it made him look longer even though you swore he was a whole nother you taller. "Look, you just have to go with me, no one else is fun, and they won't bug me if you go instead." He would insist, telling you his parents didn't mind if it was you going instead of another date. That would sting, you were never the date.
When he'd sit and play guitar to pass the time between picking you up from work and your coworkers would stare out the window and wonder when he would notice them. "How do you even function with him, ______? You clearly have the worst taste in guys if you don't find him attractive" one of them would say.
"Yeah, sure, if you think gumby limbs are attractive." You'd scoff back, even though deep down you knew he was. Those were the most annoying times. Being Kim Seokjin's friend was definitely not easy.
"Hey, hurry up, we'll miss the next screening of Thor and I don't want to miss the credits!" Jin yelled from the lobby, making everyone turn and glare at how loud he was being, at least until they saw his face and proceeded to gawk at him.
"I know, I know, nerd. I don't get how you can watch this for the 5th time in theaters. Like you have a huge TV at home, why rewatch it here?" You quipped grabbing the popcorn from the attendant who just glared at you for calling Jin something other than Worldwide Handsome.
"I already told you, there's nothing like rewatching it with people who get it. And you know you get it or else you wouldn't have come with me anyway" he teased, making that pout that makes your heart flutter a little too much.
Those were most days with Seokjin and sometimes you couldn't take the stares from everyone. The ones that said "Hey why is that short girl hanging out with Jin all the time? He looks like he's babysitting." "Isn't it her though? She's the delusional one, he's way too good to cut her off though, I bet it's pity." You would overhear. You get it. It wasn't ideal for some tall, gorgeous albeit weird man to be hanging out with you of all people, but Jin didn't care because you were friends... friends. That's it.
And yeah, it hurt sometimes, seeing him go on dates, or staying at his apartment when he would tell you to wait for him, even though he was out with a girl 10 times prettier, he always came back alone. Always came back to you.
You had become a confidante for him. Someone who knew a little more, but didn't judge no matter what he did. You were the cool friend, the one everyone could depend on to be there, the one everyone joked to Jin about when they'd tell him to go look after his noona, and you, being as awkward as you were, always played it off when you'd see the pink hue in his cheeks. It never crossed your mind to think any different of him until your regular movie night Wednesday.
You were binging Lord of the Rings on his couch, in your cookie monster pajamas left over from last time while you sat next to Jin, tired from working all day.
"I guess an office job can wear you out." He chuckled.
"Definitely in more ways than one. My brain can only take so much annoyance from everyone. I just need Aragorn to murder a few orcs and it'll make me feel 10 times better." You said yawning, while Jin just stared at the TV hands on his knees. He seemed out of it for some reason, but your day being as long as it had you didn't want to pry. Sometimes Jin liked silence, and this was definitely one of those times.
As you watched the elves on screen, bow and arrow shooting towards the dark, you started dozing off on a pillow placed near his lap. You could feel his fingertips rubbing your scalp the way you had mentioned your mom did when you had a hard time sleeping. You could hear him humming a song, your favorite, especially because he had written it for your birthday last year. Things like this made you wish sometimes that people wouldn't joke the way they do. That it wasn't weird for you to be friends, because Jin got you. He knew you were quiet some days, and extra loud others. He knew when you just needed someone to lean on, and you hoped that's what you were to him.
And there in the quiet, as you were almost asleep, you heard him. Three simple words.
"I love you."
It felt surreal and incredibly intimate. But even though you wanted to look up and tell him you loved him too, you froze. Eyes shut, breathing heavy, and panic setting in. You didn't know what to do. You can't tell if he just meant it as a friend. And if he did then you'd lose him, the one person to make you feel like you belong when you really didn't. He kept stroking your head and you told yourself it wasn't a big deal, that you would pretend to sleep, until sleep became real, and in the morning you'd leave just as friends, how it's always been.
When you wake up, you feel really uncomfortable, not being able to get anything out of your head. Over thinking as always, and if this was any other situation, Jin would be the first person you'd tell. But that obviously wasn't possible, so you got up and grabbed you things, said an awkward goodbye and left him cooking pancakes for the both of you.
"Are you sure you don't want any?" He yelled as you were already opening the door to get out of his apartment.
"No it's fine. I forgot I had a meeting to get to and I have to go change and get ready. I'll text you later." You yelled back, trying to sound casual, and not like you were on the verge of throwing up from the anxiety.
You texted him that night and told him you needed to focus on work, that you'd have to go to a few meetings after and you wouldn't be able to meet up. His demeanor never changed, it was always silly Seokjin, always calm,cool, And sweet Seokjin.
JIN: Hey, no worries you're fine. I have to go to a few dinners too, but since you'll be in meetings I'll have to take Hobi or Tae, they're the only ones that like these events anyway.
YOU: Thanks, you should take that girl that you took last time though or you'll end up old and alone. :P
JIN: Maybe, not sure. I'll text you later though, bye!
It was fine right? You would be fine. And he would go out and be his normal charming cool guy self. Just like always. You just needed a moment to get back into the friend zone. And although you'd just lay in bed and lie to him about where you were, you knew eventually you'd have to see him.
So the day came, well, he more so showed up at your apartment at two am and you couldn't really avoid him. When you opened the door, you don't look up, even though he towers over you.
"____ what's wrong?"
You can hear the hurt in his voice as he says your name, and yet, you know that if you look up he'll see right through you. So you stare at his feet.
"Nothing just tired from work. What's going on?" You mumble, trying to keep your composure as you look up as him for the first time. He sighs and looks away, scratching the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say next.
"What did I do? Are you mad? I just, I don't know why you're avoiding me, and you tell me everything. So I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong." He tells you quietly, as if he was reassuring himself to you. That your friendship meant more than just a few races of Mario Kart or a permanent plus one that he didn't have to explain more than just, "yeah, she's a friend." And everyone would just get it, no questions asked.
But suddenly you were in his arms, and you can smell the fresh cotton scent you've become so used to. You can feel his warmth when he presses into you and you can hear his heartbeat pounding into your ears.
It wasn't like you didn't miss him, you did, too much for a friend though. And how were you going to break it to him. That you, the one who's supposed to be the cool noona, who doesn't mind just being friends, was in too deep? How could you tell him so he just gives you time to be his friend again? Because losing him would be way worse than anything else thrown at you.
You squeeze your eyes shut as you wrap your arms around his torso in response to his sudden hug. It was second nature to do so, but this time it just felt like it was the last time and you wanted to hold on as long as possible. He brushed your hair with his fingers, and swayed side to side because he knew that made you smile. You took a deep breath, not realizing you had been holding it in since he had first leaned against you.
"It's ok, _______, hey I'm fine, you're fine, nothing's wrong. I know you need space sometimes, but I can't have you lying to me about where you are when we tell each other everything. I didn't mean to scare you. Hey, it's ok don't worry." He pats your head and holds you close realizing for the first time that you're crying. You clear your throat and back away from him wiping away your tears with your sweater paws, trying to regain a little sanity.
"I wasn't lying, I'm just ... tired." You tell him sounding coarse, more tired than you knew. "Work is overwhelming and I just needed some time to myself. You know me, I..."
"No, you don't,not from me anyway. You don't and I know because I know you _____, like the back of my hand I know you." Jin said, sounding louder than he meant to. Taking a step back and breathing once before continuing, "But, I get it. I'm not sure why, but I get that you need space from me." He looks down and sighs, making your heart break a little more each time. He pinches the bridge of his nose and you know it's his form of keeping a level head. He does it when he's mad, or worse, when he doesn't want you to see him cry.
He looks at you one more time and you can tell. He's tired, and his pleading look is something you thought you'd never be the cause of. But, what's worse? Leaving it here, or telling him the truth and watching him walk out, for real this time?
"Just... give me 2 more days. I just need 2 more days and I promise I'll come back. I just... I just need 2..." you stare at him, but with your own pleading look this time, you words soft and sad. For what, you don't know. Maybe the end, realizing, it might be the last time he visits you?
"Ok, ok _______. 2 days, but when you come back to me I want to know. I really do, whatever you give me. I'll accept it, just like you do to me. No judgement, no worries. But please, 2 days, come back." He grabs your hand and rubs along your wrist, a sign of affection he was used to giving you as he goes in for one more hug. This time he holds you a little tighter, maybe even a little longer, before he clears his throat, takes a deep breath and turns to walk to his car.
You stare at him going down the sidewalk and breathe, 2, 3. He's almost gone ______, and then you really need to get your shit together before you really lose him, you chide yourself silently.
Jin turns and waves, nodding once for goodbye while he smiles softly. His cheeks puff a little in the lamplight and you can see a glare. There was no way he was crying was there? You'd only seen him do it once when you dared him to eat your grandma's salsa that had a little too much jalapeño causing him to cry out in pain. The confused look you had, made him stop for a second before getting into his car and leaving towards his home.
Lying in bed, you kept twisting and turning, feeling way too hot to sleep and nothing could fix it. You walk to the kitchen and pull out some food, but it just gives you nausea thinking about what just happened so you settle for the milk and cereal.
Why'd you have to be so suspicious looking? Like you did something you weren't proud of? I mean, being in love with your best friend isn't a crime, it's just, not common, especially between you two. You went over the scenario in your head again, thinking about what you should have done differently so you wouldn't have to tell him the truth. You look at the cereal and look at the almost empty carton of milk before you grab a bowl and throw everything in trying to stuff your face and forget.
2 days, 2 days, to figure out how to tell Jin that you love him in a way that isn't the same anymore. And it's all his fault, his, and stupid Lord of the Rings, that you promised to never watch again if this didn't fix itself.
To say that you were productive in trying to figure out the best way to tell your best friend that you were in love with him was a complete over exaggeration. You lied in bed, eating snickers, listening to old Taylor Swift songs- that you hated, but Jin thought were cute, and cried into your pillow like a maniac. There were moments of clarity sure, where you'd write, or at least begin to write, Jin a letter of things you wanted to tell him. Maybe give him a pros and cons list of being your friend still, but you always came up short, Both literally and figuratively. It was frustrating because at the end of the day, Jin had everything. He had his best group of friends, he had girls fawning over him, he had a stable family, a bougie apartment, and a great job. All you offered were some really intense matches of Capcom VS Marvel, and we all know, Jungkook would be a much better opponent. But here you were, trying to figure out where you went wrong, why you had to take his confession in any other way than platonically, and therefore ruin your friendship.
Day 2 came by after a sleepless night. You called Jin and told him as cool as you could that you'd be at his house no later than 8, and to be ready with Captain America Winter Soldier because it was the best and he couldn't change your mind.
"Yes, I get it. Bucky is your dude, no need to rub it in. Don't forget though" his voice getting softer, "I miss you so hurry up"
"Yes I know, you can't live without me and life is unbearable because you have no one warm to cuddle to. Although, I should definitely charge for being your own personal teddy bear." You laugh, as calmly as you can, nerves on the other end running towards you throat to make you sound cringier than normal.
7 o'clock came and you got ready. Jeans and Jins sweatshirt, not that he would care. Most of them ended up in your house and consequently on you because you liked that his long arms made the perfect sweater paws. You put your hair up in a bun and you told yourself once more through the mirror, "Hey, it isn't the end, everything goes, and if he does too, you'll survive". You nodded to yourself and put the best fake smile you could as you walk towards your car and get in, driving to your version of the end of the world.
Jin opens the door and his eyes light up in the best possible way. You always admired that about him, his true emotions always on his sleeve, and today, you hoped that his eyes would stay like this even after your confession.
"You gonna let me in or do I have to shove my way through?" You smile as best you can, telling yourself, only a few more minutes until it's all over, just breathe, you'll be ok.
"Nah, you can fight me first!" he teased and went in for a hug. You inhaled his scent like it was the only oxygen you could ever need in life. It was odd, he didn't let go, and although you hated the thought of doing it first, you knew you had to, so you rubbed his back a second went in for the kill, tickling him in his ribs when he least expected it.
"Really!? Wait, no stop! STOP IT YOU WIN!!" He yells as he pulls you in for another hug, He breathes you in for a second, relaxing, "I really missed you. This was way too long, and I don't know how I survived without you" he sighed, his shoulders slouching into you, even when he could easily engulf your whole body in his large frame.
You blush pulling back and patting his arm in the friendliest of ways, "Back at you! Let's go watch Bucky be a beast!" Hoping that he didn't see you cringe to yourself as you said it.
What a dork, you murmur to yourself as you sit on his couch, knocking your shoes off one at a time. You sit cross legged on the sofa waiting for the movie to start before Jin turns off the screen.
"Hey" he says as he sits in front of you on the floor in the same exact way as you. You look at him, a sneer in your stare as you grab a pillow and throw it at his head. He chuckles as he turns away trying not to get hit. But as he turns back you can see the look in his eyes. It's the same one he had 2 nights ago, and it's the one you knew would come back today.
"Yeah, what's up" you tell him, tilting your head to the side,hoping he can just see the tension in your face and leave it alone.
He stares at you for a quick second, thoughts floating in his pupils about what move to make next.
He gets on both knees and gets close to your face, startling you frozen in front of him. You can feel him breathing on you, and you don't know why, but the sudden urge to cup his face with your hand comes out snd you're rubbing your thumb across his cheek.
He holds your hand within his and closes his eyes for a second, and you can feel him shaking slightly. Is he nervous? Does he think you'll leave him on purpose? I guess it's now or never.
"Jin, I.."
"I know, and if it makes you feel better, I do too."
"Lies, you don't even know what I'm going to say. Do you always have to win? I mean I try my hardest and it's not fair when your fingers are longer than ..." and his lips are on yours, effectively shutting you up from saying something even more stupid than you already had.
You look around the room, feeling like it's spinning, holding on for dear life to his sweater collar because if you let go you'd collapse.
You close your eyes and and scrunch your face trying to burn it into your memory. A kiss, that's all this is, but it's not. It's his kiss. It's dorky, nerdy, handsome, beautiful Jin's kiss and it's perfect, just like him.
You slowly wrap your hands around his neck as he breathes you in, turning slightly so you can be more comfortable and pulls back to smile at your dumbfounded face. You keep your eyes closed hoping it wasn't just a figment of your imagination before you hear him chuckle, his stupid Jin chuckle.
"What? Why are you laughing? Is this funny to you? How?! How rude" you aim to slap his arm, but he catches it and grabs you by the waist pulling you in for a hug.
"Don't ever do that again, you promise? It wasn't fun, and I don't know if I scared you when I told you I love you because I thought you were sleeping, but I really meant it." Jin kisses your collarbone as he nuzzles into your neck.
"I didn't know, I really didn't, but I'm glad I do now. This anxiety was killing me, and literally the only person I could tell was Tae and we all know how weird he gets when we talk about our feelings. I mean, remember that one time I-"
"Just, here, -" He places another kiss on your lips, then your cheeks, your nose, and your forehead, effectively making you mush. "At least now I know how to really shut you up when you start your monologues"
"Oh shut up and come here" you smile and you pull him up to the couch and snuggle with him under the blanket.
This was the one thing you didn't think would happen today, and although you lost maybe 10 years from the anxiety alone, it was definitely worth it, you tell yourself as you look at him while he's singing along to the marvel theme song.
That's my nerd, my Jin.
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James & Ava
James: [okay so we all know the mood is that he sees whatever she's posted and literally goes there immediately with no thought of who else could also be cos he NEEDS to check that she's alright. The drama of it all] Ava: [but luckily no one is there and she'd be so shocked but also grateful 'cos no one wants to be alone and feeling unwell, esp. not in hospital] James: [when he'd have to say he was her brother so he can take her #awkward] Ava: [lollol finding that more amusing than you would otherwise 'cos concussion breaking your awks] James: [oh she'd be so cute I can't] Ava: [just hugging him so hard] James: [we all need that moment but sadly it cannot last forever because he'd have some driver doing circles endlessly cos there's nowhere to park at hospitals ever] Ava: [seriously, and it's so expensive] James: [when you were so desperate to get in there you didn't think about how long it could have taken like she could've been admitted and that driver is just lowkey out there for the rest of time] Ava: [lmao i wonder how long he'd wait for that bag before getting bored, luckily they'd low-key be ready to get rid 'cos too busy and overcrowded] James: [practically pushing her out the door as soon as they saw someone show up for her so he doesn't even have time to give her a feelsy speech lol] James: [just help her out to the car boy, you've had a lot of practice with drunk girls in heels and it'd be the same vibe] Ava: [just saying thank you over and over] James: [meanwhile he's asking her if she's okay over and over like every step they trying to take here] Ava: ['Oh God, you must think I'm so stupid, I swear, they came out of nowhere'] James: ['We both know you're not stupid, Ava' shout out to that text cleverness 5ever tbh 'I'm just glad you weren't seriously hurt'] Ava: ['How have you been, I've been so worried' shoutout to this concussion giving me shameless freedom lol] James: [when you can only shake your head because 1. you ain't been good 2. you don't wanna tell her any of it and 3. you don't think you deserve her worry/ want her to worry about you] Ava: [sad face] James: [stopping to stroke said face, don't fall over girl, he's got you] Ava: ['James-' and then just looking 'cos what can you say] James: [looking back at her cos likewise but then you gotta drop them eyes cos so sad] Ava: ['you look tired' and making more of an actual effort to get into this car] James: ['I am tired' but helping her in and doing her seatbelt for her because not gonna see her struggle ever, telling the driver her address because there's nowhere else you can take her but home even though you have no idea if as soon as you get there someone is gonna show up for her and you obviously don't want that] Ava: [patting your shoulder like 'you can come sleep' like no no one can babe] James: ['no' but a little smile cos she's cute af 'I'm supposed to keep you awake'] Ava: [when you make a face like 😏] James: ['by which, of course, I mean, you've got a 8 hour date with Edward Cullen ahead of you'] Ava: [grinning like a fool but then being like, wait 'you'll stay though, can you?'] James: ['I'm not going to leave you alone' oh the heavy unspoken implication that she might not be if the friends or fam descend 💔] Ava: [resting your head on him as a silent thank you but then lifting it like 'so awake, promise'[ James: [stroking her hair and keeping an eye like] Ava: [being like let me tell YOU a story and honestly God knows but it'd be cute and she'd be trying to match his storyteller energy] James: [when that's lowkey the moment he falls in love with her bye] Ava: [asking the driver to play the new moon soundtrack] James: [loling and honestly when was the last time he did that, we all know it was when they were together] Ava: [live the emo life and love it babes] James: [he's GOTTA dance in his seat to keep her awake, no other reason #notanerd lol] Ava: [just clapping and cheering him on like nothing to see here driver God bless] James: [so not what that man was expecting to 👀 or 👂] Ava: [freaking out drivers is low-key a fave] James: [the one time you're happy about London traffic tbh] Ava: [even though we ain't gonna interrupt, you don't know that boy] James: [speaking of, probably send a text or something to check on the kids because you just ran like assumedly they at their grandparents but] Ava: [never leaving 'em with Chlo we all know] James: [lord her and Jay would kill each other] Ava: [I'd genuinely be worried for her safety so don't blame you remotely boy, least her parents are invested] James: [literally though & you can have those grandparents forever babs we ain't taking them away from you] Ava: [awkward that your mum never shows but that's just that on that] James: [lbr that's for the best stick with your dads kiddos] Ava: [we all know it, even if Matty might not end up remembering much] James: [Ava lowkey her mum now oops] Ava: [and Jay's actual auntie...lol what a tangled web we weave boo] James: [at least they can all stay connected] Ava: [true facts] James: [makes my heart happy even if it's weird] Ava: [lean in to how weird this family is James] James: [they weird af but they're better than the one he's got #noshadetoTeddythough] Ava: [all the shade to you Chlo, sort it out] James: [her poor future children & husband] Ava: [honestly, good luck] James: [he'd have to be about everything she is or else what the fuck] James: [anyway we've been sidetracked get to Baze's house you two] Ava: [movie marathon awaits, what else do we vibe or shall we just try and see what comes out, like] James: [let's just run with it and see what happens because we extra and anything could be said and done tbh] James: [imagine how awkward it'd be when they get there because he'd have to send her in first and just be shitting himself in the car like is anyone there or no] Ava: [at least you know full well no one is there 'cos business trips forever so you're just at the door shaking your head and doing the 'come on' gesture] James: [he'd just help her to the sofa like immediately & get her blankets and pillows and painkillers (even though it wouldn't touch a concussion headache) and a phone charger and everything else she could possibly need cos Chloe's got him trained like a dog] Ava: [low-key pulling at him, gently, like boy sit down] James: [when you are then looking at her like what did I forget/ do wrong before you realise] Ava: [squeezing his hand because you can only say thank you so many times, putting the film on but then pausing and gasping so dramatically 'coffee, I promised you coffee' and going to get up like can you be careful please] James: [thinking she's in pain or something because of that gasp so being at her side like 0-1000 and slowing her down cos they can do it together thank you] Ava: [making a face at herself like ffs when she catches on 'I'm not trying to age you' and touching his non-grey hair and wrinkles like totally necessary yep] James: ['but you're offering me coffee, what's next red meat or red wine?' but no actual shade cos we both know he doesn't care and none of that is what's aging him anyway, taking her hand from his face and gently kissing said hand before handholding to lead her to her own kitchen like let's do this] Ava: ['I don't know where my cigarettes are' shrugs and smiles like sorry not sorry, smiles even harder but lowkey stops breathing when, kissing ontop of where he just kissed her hand, then getting to this all-singing all-dancing coffee machine 'you have to pick the most daring option, one you've never, ever tried before, okay?' and waggling her finger like so serious about this] James: [takes his own cigarettes out of his pocket and slides the pack over to her 'okay' and does pick, really concentrating on the decision even though there'd be so much shit he hasn't tried and we all know he could just pick option 1 and be done] Ava: [takes one out and puts it behind her ear for later 'cos no need to light up in your parents home, just watching him 'cos so cute and then nodding like yes, good choice and picks the same, setting up this machine 'cos they're always more confusing and/or time-consuming than they need to be I swear] James: [where's the lie you gotta have the knack I swear, his turn to watch her now though because she's beautiful doing anything ever and he missed her so bad] Ava: [ahh coffee goodtimes forever] James: [he needs it cos he is tired af so thanks Ava you babe] Ava: ['do we talk about what happened, or do we write it off?' when you just saying this casually whilst waiting for your coffees] James: ['I don't know' because he is genuinely torn between wanting to and also not] Ava: ['Wait and see how we feel' 'cos no rush or pressure here 'you better carry these though' 'cos we don't need burns as well ty] James: ['wait here a minute for me' because carries the drinks through and then comes back for her because why not carry her though as well obvs] Ava: [does and loves it 'I've missed you, you know'] James: ['I know now' just giving her 😍 casually 'I've missed you too'] Ava: [😍 right back 'Ask anyone' when you're talking about your mood but you realize that sounds like you been telling the world lol 'I mean, I've been a delight' 🙄] James: [when you shake your head like no it's okay 'I overreacted about your cousin, I'm sorry' takes a deep breath remembering that whole sad ending moment 'And I'm sorry for fucking up the start of your summer' because she loves it and he knows] Ava: ['I understand why, understood, whatever. And I am still sorry, I was just too excited and-' sighs like, you know, squeezing his hand again 'I promise, that's all sorted now though' 'cos clearly told her it's over by now, 'cos thought it was anyway; she nods like thanks but shrugs like it's okay too, don't worry 'Sure even I can't be grumpy in the Seychelles, like'] James: [blatantly almost kissing her because he understands the whole being too highkey thing because he was (*cough* is) too but doesn't because she's going away 'when are you going?'] Ava: [sad face like you didn't just say you aren't gonna be grumpy 'when my parents get back, couple of days'] James: [strokes her face again like he did earlier 'you'll feel better by then' because someone's meant to watch you for 48 hours actually NHS website says] Ava: [😈 me 😇 her looking at him 'how did you even- why- I-' continuously cutting herself off 'cos you know he was checking in on you now and you know he came without hesitating so it doesn't need to be said 'Oh, James'] James: ['Ava' saying her name with SO MUCH feeling that I cannot 'I had to' when you mean so many things by that like you had to go but you have to stay now and you had to make sure she was okay today but also you had to keep checking on her the whole time] Ava: [definitely gonna go in to kiss him can't stop that soz] James: [we all know it was only a matter of time and that this is gonna turn into a not at all casual make out session] Ava: [you honestly deserve it lads] James: [that coffee gonna be cold and they won't even notice] Ava: [the movies are also not being watched lmao but no one cares rn] James: [on pause forever sorry not sorry] James: [but eventually like after AN AGE one of them should lean on the remote or whatever so it starts playing and they're like wtf] Ava: [when you shit yourself like who is here but then loving 'cos hi Edward] James: [we all shitting ourselves and all loling] Ava: ['he's very possessive' no lie] James: [looking at Edward and then kissing her again like when you're trying to make someone jealous] Ava: [when you're loling too hard into his mouth like 'scuse me] James: [kissing her neck instead so she can have her adorable lol] Ava: [reacting to that in a v different way] James: [we back at it again at krispy kreme soz twilight saga] Ava: [i swear to god the ily curse is so real] James: [this always happens to us, don't talk for a bit lads, wink wonk] Ava: [its because we give them such high-pressure situations but yes, you should fully hook up 'cos haven't yet] James: [I wonder if the orgasm headache thing would work for a concussion one or not] Ava: [my boo says #experiment] James: [imma google it but I don't expect an answer] James: [nobody is telling me but if it can help a migraine I don't see why it wouldn't] Ava: [you'll be fine bitch, just a shameless excuse that he needs to hang around longer] James: [we should totally also do the shameless thing when he falls asleep and then wakes up immediately but is like oh no how long was I asleep because not only worried about her we know] Ava: [for sure, just there chilling like 🥰 'not long, but you looked peaceful'] James: ['I was' and more 😍 'I am' just snuggling happily because deserved af] Ava: [kissing the top of his head 'good' then lying down and snuggling harder 'I'm so glad you're here, that you're okay'] James: ['I'm glad that I'm here & that you're okay' kissing her forehead and holding her so tightly because he was so worried that something much worse had happened to her] Ava: ['It was kinda scary how much I missed you- like I said I WAS extra but I think, no, I still am, I can't lie to you'[ James: [when you are just falling so hard for her rn smiling like look at this perfect 😇 'you don't have to miss me any longer, minus however long you're spending in the Seychelles, of course'] Ava: ['Yeah?' trying but failing not to sound so hopeful 'And two weeks, so not as long as it has been, not that I was definitely counting or anything'] James: ['I was afraid, no, I am afraid but very few things have ever scared me as much as when I saw you were in hospital & I thought-'] Ava: [just holding him back even tighter like you could not be closer 'I'm so sorry I scared you, I won't ever do it again, even if I get hit by something more substantial than a 90lbs mum on a lightweight bike' and shaking her head with a lil lol 'cos it is funny even though it can be as bad as a car crash actual sometimes] James: ['You scare me in the best ways, you don't have to stop, I don't want you to' because think of the new things he's already done and the new things he's already felt, it makes me emosh goodbye] Ava: [when that's the hottest thing you've ever heard like 'scuse me round two] James: [you've actually got all night for once so make the most of it lads] Ava: [like literally no one needs it more than him so I'm allowing it, there's enough shit happened, happening and still to come] James: [amen to that] Ava: [happy bubble forever] James: [if only like, he is NOT gonna wanna leave in the morning but maybe we could say that like Jay has a playdate with friends or something cos soz babe you can't keep a secret so he just gets the baby and comes back] Ava: [that would be a moment] James: [just casually meet each other how cute] Ava: [have a normal, happy day like you're meant to oh] James: [you all deserve it truly] Ava: [meet your potential future stepchild babe] James: [do we wanna have them go out or stay in?] Ava: [🤔 obvs really want them to go to Kensington Park 'cos Peter Pan and like obvs I doubt anyone who would be bothered to report to Chloe is gonna be there but it is risky so maybe save it idk] James: [we will bookmark that for the future because MUST but they could take Frank on a walk somewhere cos we ain't referenced that sweet sir even if it's just through the streets like] Ava: [that's a good shout, you better be a good boy lol] James: [and don't cockblock them rn please] James: [they'd look like a little fam, I am FINE] Ava: [and lowkey behave more like one in one day like the bar is so low tah Chlo] James: [the scolding tea] James: how are you feeling? Ava: 😊 So happy Ava: Only a bit tired from the whole staying awake thing and you keeping me awake, like 😏 Ava: oh, and Frank said you've redeemed yourself so well done there too Ava: how're you and the girls? James: I'm happy to hear all of that James: has your dizziness gone? James: we're fine, but tired too Ava: Yeah Ava: barely a headache Ava: and my parents get in early AM so I should be all set to go when they do get here James: how much packing is there left to do? Ava: All of it but deciding which 14 bikinis I wanna take shouldn't take too long James: are you sure? I think it would take me a really long time to decide Ava: I'll put some stories up Ava: You can help me Ava: I reckon I need your clearly more considered opinion James: of course you do James: you wouldn't want to spend the entirety of your holiday wishing you'd chosen differently Ava: so true Ava: especially as I'm not allowed to pack my pout James: everyone is well aware of how important the pursuit of a tan is to you, darling, anything that jeopardises that, well, it's bound to be very pout inducing James: you'll be forgiven Ava: I don't know if my family is as forgiving as you Ava: perhaps they don't like my pout as much Ava: they definitely aren't as supportive in bikini related decision making James: I'll dedicate paragraphs to both James: multiple lengthy ones Ava: It'll seem gratuitous in the movie but nothing is too much for the book James: as long as it remains included in the director's cut James: or else I will be devastated Ava: I'll demand it in my contract Ava: I think it'll be a first in favour of taking your clothes off instead of keeping 'em on James: thank you James: you do deserve a multitude of firsts, honestly Ava: you deserve so much Ava: much more than I'm allowed to give you Ava: that reminds me Ava: as I can't give you anything as a thank you, I've had to get creative James: so much of what I deserve is negative & there is nothing you owe to me in any capacity, thanks included James: but I'd never want to discourage creativity Ava: Shh sh Ava: in the spirit of firsts and trying new things Ava: when you're all less worn out, go to [a sassy but kid-friendly cafe/restaurant that's a bit out there and exotic and definitely nowhere Chloe has ever made you take her] and tell 'em you're eating on me, yeah Ava: then when I get back and you're free, you're coming over and I'm cooking James: Ava Ava: It's already arranged, I go there all the time, it's the 2nd best Brazilian food I've had James: you've been to Brazil for the 1st, haven't you? I can tell Ava: Actually no, mores the pity Ava: but my Uncle is Brazilian and a chef, my cousin too Ava: having a big weird family has unexpected perks Ava: if you like it, I already have a recipe lined up that's meant to be 🔥 but even a novice like me can master it James: you'll have to wait patiently for my review because I regrettably can't send you a picture of my face after the 1st mouthful to serve as one, but okay Ava: I'll do my best Ava: though having any patience when it comes to you doesn't seem to be my strong suit Ava: arguably not a virtue I'm known for, ever, but especially now James: I'll do my best not to miss you so hard that it's physically painful but that doesn't appear to be my strong suit either & as previously agreed, I won't make any promises I'm forced to immediately break Ava: Oh Ava: Knowing it wasn't just me finding out that painful cliche is painfully real is somehow a comfort, to know you'll want to avoid the feeling as much as I do from now on but it also hurts me even more, the idea of you having to feel it at all in the first place Ava: but there is no conflict in just how hard I'm looking forward to seeing you again after this ill-timed holiday James: I don't ever want you to be in pain because of me, I have to insist on only the good cliches going forward James: devastatingly a postcard can't be included in that Ava: Hmm, got any long-lost great aunties I can pretend to be? 🤔😂 James: If I do my wife is bound to be aware of them, their current financial situation & any possible health concerns they are facing Ava: Valid Ava: Don't need to give her any more reason to 💀💀💀 me Ava: At least no holiday is complete without the obligatory narcissistic poolside shoot James: suffice to say I've never had a complete holiday, in that case Ava: I bet you've had to be cameraman plenty though Ava: so rude when you're so nice to look at James: & yet I've never been trusted to pick a filter Ava: 🙄 Ava: does she not know that you're an artiste James: no, it's our secret Ava: 😊 I like that James: I like you Ava: I like that more James: I wish I could see you again before you go Ava: Me too Ava: I kinda wish I weren't going James: how early are your parents getting back exactly? Ava: like 4am kinda early James: I won't make you stay awake again James: I know how tired you must be Ava: 🥺 James: I'm so relieved that I can't see that look on your actual face Ava: It's 💔 Ava: but I'll survive Ava: about James: you're a very strong person Ava: You James: I'm not Ava: You are though Ava: you put up with so much shit James: is that strength or is it weakness? Ava: I think it's strength Ava: You can't necessarily stop shit happening or get shit out of your life Ava: no matter how strong Ava: and you manage to do all the shit you have to regardless James: I'd like to think you're right Ava: Then you should Ava: I encourage it Ava: 🤓 me James: you are undeniably clever Ava: Try to be Ava: when I'm not standing in the middle of cycle paths, obviously James: I heard you say that bike came out of nowhere Ava: Yeah Ava: I miss you already Ava: Frank is not as good a nurse, like at all James: if you can fall asleep now, I'd feel less guilty about the prospect of asking you not to later James: should I hypothetically be able to get away Ava: 🛌🏃 Ava: Promise James: I can't give you a promise back Ava: I know Ava: but this way, I either stay asleep and that's that Ava: or I get the best surprise to wake me up James: what did I do to deserve you? Ava: This is the part where I say something very bad but Ava: you don't seem capable Ava: you're just James: whatever it was, I need to know so I can keep doing it Ava: just be you Ava: another cliche you've proven to be true and real James: this fortnight without you is going to be really cliche James: there's no chance of it existing beyond the 1st draft Ava: not even for my eyes only? James: well James: maybe Ava: Please please please James: okay James: you are my fairest critic & you do have beautiful eyes Ava: Yours are better Ava: but I won't be too jealous if I get to look at them more James: I definitely can't promise not to be envious of everyone in the Seychelles who will get to look at you more than I can Ava: Do you ever get a decent lunchbreak? Ava: we could facetime James: I'll figure something out James: because my dad takes the longest lunch breaks, you'd be forgiven for thinking it's the 80s Ava: 😏 we love a throwback 🙄 James: I'll take Matty to work with me, she'll distract whoever I need her to Ava: She is very cute Ava: I see it James: I won't be saying anything the like of that if she won't sleep tonight though Ava: 🤞 for you and her Ava: shame she's not yet at the walking stage Ava: Frank is so 💤 James: I can't keep her in any kind of routine, it's frustrating for both of us Ava: That's hard James: it's harder for her than it is for me, she never knows what's happening Ava: She'll get there Ava: I was the worst baby Ava: hopefully before you totally lose your mind, 'course James: I find it impossible to believe you weren't 😇 Ava: I was pretty premmie so my poor parents were confined to perpetual bright light for ages when I got home James: both the girls were so late James: that was an entirely different struggle Ava: I can imagine how delightful Ava: usually excusable but when you set the bar low to begin with 😬 James: the last thing I want to do is badmouth her to you, but as we know, sometimes things write themselves Ava: I feel you Ava: not a cliche I particularly wanna be either James: of course not Ava: but you can vent, you know Ava: I don't even have to reply, just if you need to put it somewhere James: no, I can't Ava: okay, just a suggestion James: so much of this is already not fair to you, Ava Ava: I don't think it is Ava: you've never lied about any of it, you're always realistic about what you can and can't give me Ava: and I'd like to help, in any tiny way I'm able James: you don't know what she's like & I'd rather you didn't have to know James: let's keep it at you don't do sympathy Ava: I know very little but that's not positive so it doesn't take your author level of imagination if I wanna go there without your guidance Ava: and it isn't sympathy but okay Ava: I won't mention her and you don't have to either James: I just can't have you seeing me differently because Ava: I'd never see you differently because of what she's like as a person James: it's too big of a risk for me to take, that you'll end up thinking less of me than you do now Ava: You can trust me Ava: but you don't have to Ava: I won't push anything, I don't need to Ava: as much as I want to take things fast in so many respects, I'm never going to take it where you don't want it James: it isn't you I don't trust James: I'm not a reliable narrator, she's made sure I'm not Ava: However...intertwined and diluted you feel your story got, because of her, because of whatever Ava: it's always gonna be your story to tell, if you want it Ava: and I'll always listen to how you tell it James: Ava Ava: James James: if it was a story I was in control of I'd come to the airport & tell you not to go James: cliche or not Ava: and I'd stay Ava: but that's far too much like a happy ending and we've only just begun James: you're right again Ava: don't sound so surprised 😉 James: I was actually trying to decide where it falls on the scale of ideas & habits, good, bad or somewhere in between James: that you always seem to be Ava: Have you drawn a conclusion yet? James: I couldn't possibly tell you James: you're supposed to be asleep Ava: damn Ava: you'll tell me in the morning? James: yes Ava: Okay, I'll go, as long as you know it is so reluctantly it's practically under protest James: & I won't stay here hoping you don't, as long as you know it's under identical conditions Ava: Noted Ava: Goodnight and sweet dreams for whenever that happens for you then, love James: thank you
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