YD: Hello, I'm from Korean.

Letshugo: Hello, I'm from Germany.

YD: Can you see what I'm saying?

Letshugo: Yes, I understand.

YD: Hey, this is really amazing. I speak Korean, and you speak German, but we have a conversation!

Letshugo: Yes, that's really awesome.

YD: I'm a Minecraft grandma who has been playing Minecraft for 14 years.

Letshugo: 14 years? How old are you?

YD: You don't need to know. 😑

Letshugo: Oh, ok.

Quackity has created something so amazing, it makes me so proud seeing his project help people communicate like this. He looks so happy. :')

Hi, I hope you're having a blessed Good Friday and Holy Week. I have a heavy question that may be difficult to answer but I'm hoping you could provide some insight.

How do I lean on Jesus to keep me strong in an abusive situation? I am a closeted trans guy living with alt-right conservative family. I am doing my best to escape the situation but for now I'm stuck. It feels impossible to stay strong knowing these people already hate me, and would hate me even more if they knew my true and actual self. They're supposed to love me, we're family, but they never have. I want to be like Jesus and love them no matter what, and I want to forgive them, but I don't know how. I feel like I can't forgive what they do when it's continuous and they are not sorry. Can you point me in the direction of any verses or lessons that can help me stay strong in the face of pain and hurt?

TW: unaccepting family, conservative family

Ach, so sorry I didn't see this till now. My heart aches for you in this painful situation. I will be holding you in my prayers; may God enfold you in love and courage to get through this time, and send support your way to help you out. If there is anything I can do to help you get out of this current living situation, please let me know.

The fact that you want to show forgiveness to people who have failed to give you the love and care you deserve shows what a big heart and courageous spirit you have. It's a powerful thing to go through hurt and still seek grace even for the ones who hurt you. That kindness is a rare and precious gift; hang on to it for the future, when there will be people in your life who are actually open to receiving and responding to your kindness.

In the meantime, you are correct in pointing out the impossibility of forgiveness when the ones who hurt you are still hurting you, probably have no plans to stop any time soon, and haven't shown any remorse. Despite how mainstream Christianity has watered down the concept of forgiveness into an abstract statement, to a one-off, simple "forgive and forget :)" attitude, that is not actually the kind of forgiveness that Jesus instructs us in.

Mainstream Christian culture has warped forgiveness into a weapon against the wronged, pressuring them to "just move on" so we don't have to live in the discomfort and challenge of dismantling the kind of power dynamics that allow for harm to take place.

Meanwhile when Jesus taught forgiveness, about reconciliation between a wrongdoer and the one they've wronged, his challenge was to the wrongdoer. It was up to them to show remorse and seek forgiveness, to show they'd actually changed by lowering themselves to an equal field with the one wronged so that the harm can never happen again.

In this post, I talk more about Jesus's idea of forgiveness, and discuss how one might "love one's enemies" as Jesus instructs even when forgiving them is not possible.

One thing that has stood out to a lot of people is that when Jesus was going through his greatest agony, being tortured and murdered on a Roman cross, his words of forgiveness are not "I forgive these people who are in the midst of murdering me" but "Father, forgive them." When we are unable to forgive for any reason, that isn't sinful or a sign of weak faith or any such nonsense. It's recognizing the complicated realities of relationship, where reconciliation isn't the responsibility of the person being wronged. And we can let go of any sense of burden on us to do the forgiving — ultimately, that's not our job, but God's.

___

As you survive this difficult situation, I think about Jesus' fraught relationship with his own biological family. His situation was much different from yours — we know his parents did love him, as did his cousin John, and presumably other family members as well. But they didn't always understand him, and they didn't always accept him. They wanted him to be what they expected him to be, not live into who he truly was.

In Mark 3, as Jesus is gaining steam as a teacher and healer, some of his family gets worried about the fame he's gaining — they say, "he's out of his mind!" and seek to "seize control of him." They think what he preaches is some kind of mental illness, and they're either embarrassed of or scared for him. Jesus, come back home! What will people think?? Don't you know what they're saying about our family??

When people tell Jesus his mother and siblings have arrived, he retorts,

“Who is my mother? Who are my siblings?” Looking around at those seated around him in a circle, he said, “Look, here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does God’s will is my brother, sister, and mother.”

Jesus recognizes that family is much deeper than blood; that family is about who supports you in your God-given identity and gifts, and helps you grow into the person God created you to be. When biological family fails to do that, your family becomes anyone who does not fail you.

Jesus knew, at least to some extent, some of the pain you are going through in being misunderstood by your own kin. I pray that one day you will be surrounded with an outpouring of love, with people who celebrate all that you are. For now, know that God is that supportive presence holding you close, even when you can't feel Them.

As the psalmist in Psalm 27:10 says, "Even if my father and mother left me all alone, Holy God would take me in." To me, that whole Psalm can be read as a message of encouragement to those currently in the closet — the psalmist experiences God giving them shelter in God's own dwelling place, tucking them away "in a secret place in God's own tent."

One day, you'll be free; for now, I hope you take comfort in knowing God is with you in the closet.

Sending you love and solidarity, anon. May you find moments of joy in the midst of this pain; may God lavish you in love and courage until you're able to leave. <3

Hey anon. I wanted to share what you sent me but there was some personal information I wanted to keep private in case it might be triggering, that's why there are screenshots. Just know that I read it and I hear you as someone who went through some of the same things. Your pain is valid and I'm sorry that happened to you. I can say with belief and experience that the journey to heal is long and hard but it can be done, and I have faith that you will, too.

Now for the comments you made about the fandom's opinion of Adrien's abuse:

I totally agree with you in that sometimes salters will invalidate Adrien's abuse and it looks bad on them because in reality they are not invalidating just a character. They are actually invalidating their friends and family who are going through the same thing or find their experiences resonate with Adrien's. Unfortunately, I cannot say this surprises me because the real world is full of people who invalidate or criticize victim's of abuse. That's why we stick with those who do believe us and take us seriously. For every salter out there, there are tons more fans just enjoying the show and quite a few of them find they can relate too.

Adrien isn't real, you're right his story will end with a happy ending. The real world isn't so kind, and that's why we need to remember to treat others with kindness. I'm sure just by reading what you wrote that you do that with everyone you meet. If one day someone comes to you for aid, I am sure you will be able to empathize and support them. And in the meantime, I hope you continue to enjoy the show and the catharsis it provides you with.

Block salt, block people. Do what you can to create a safe and fun space for you. And remember no one, not me or other fans or salters, or show's creators, can tell you how a character is supposed to make you feel. That's the beauty of storytelling, the ability to interpret it the way we want and the way that comforts us.

Read more for image ID and description:

An ask by anonymous

I don't know if you are open to talk about it right now but is about how people in the fandom view adrien abuse. I may touch in some personal stuff and will have some harsh things in here I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable, so here we go. Sorry for the bad English is not my language and I was also shaking writing this.

They say adrien is dumb for not stand up for himself in his house, or that he is just a sad little boy that is not true abused and that is just a stupid boy that needs to rebel from his father and a bunch of other stuff.

I hate these takes. I'm happy that these people are not in fact in abusive houses but they are spreading bad things about what abuse can be and how it affects and happens.

It was a surprise to me see people just grab gabriel abuse just in chat blanc because it was physical (also mentally but people just focus on the physical) even tough he is showing it from the beginning of the series and I won't take this as the show made it bad because they also don't take a bunch of other stuff that literally comes out of the characters mouth, maybe they just don't care and want to sound intelligent making these posts.

[skip]

now that I'm better I hear these post and question myself what does these people have in mind? But them I remembered the images of preventing bullying were they say for the victims to say no, that they don't like being bullied and these people are exactly like that! The outcome of adrien talking to his father can be made on the show as something incredible but in real life it can come with punishment, with big and hurtful punishment.

[skip]

For adrien problaly is the same of course without some parts but he have the same difficulty as me in communicating and isolation also some things he does and acts makes totally sense to me because of all my past and present.

So yeah adrien is called a lot of names but when it comes to another gender people changes their views and their actions. It don't help anyone and when you said something to them they just ignore. Is not a good thing to a post like of them have so many notes and people act like they are the victims because "finally someone understands me" but they don't stop to think why people don't agree with them.

I just needed to put that outside, I'm sorry this is just a burden but they totally make the word stand up dirty. I just hope these people change. Be rescued is not weak, being afraid is not weakness and you are not lazy or dumb. I wanted to know that before.

The Villain -- Ch. 1: We’re Missing Katsuki

A/N: SO after the very positive feedback I received from my little villain!bakugou AU scenario I made, I've decided to make it into a series. It’s my first time writing a series on here so bear with me if it ends up being utter shit lol.

And I may be changing a few things compared to what I wrote in the one shot scenario so disregard some things if some information is different. And, this chapter is a little lackluster only because I wanted to establish the basic plot first before indulging into the juicy parts lol. Sorry that this is absolute dog shit, I did what I could.

Remember, if you want to be tagged in future chapters, comment below and I’ll add your username to the list?

Tagging: @chims-kookies​

Pairing: villain!bakugou x female!reader Warnings: swearing Word Count: 1,874

LINKS TO NEW CHAPTERS

✐posted 08.24.2018✐

Three Years Ago

“This is Japan Daily News reporting to you live from our broadcasting studio. Just moments ago, police have reported that the leader of the League of Villains, Shigaraki Tomura, has been pronounced dead. The man who killed him is former U.A. rising star student, Bakugou Katsuki, a young man who is now in his early twenties. Before the incident, Bakugou was kidnapped by the League in Kamino following former pro, All Might’s, final battle as a pro hero. No one has seen Bakugou since, but now, after seemingly committing three murders as well as the kidnapping of over twenty young aspiring heroes, Bakugou Katsuki has been pronounced the most dangerous man alive. If you see this man, report to the police immediate--”

Kirishima turned the television off before he could hear another word. “It’s pissing me off.”

You stared at the now blank television screen, completely frozen from the information that was just relayed. “That was... Katsuki.”

“Yeah, that was Bakugou. He really did join the League after all,” Kirishima muttered.

“It’s been seven years since we’ve heard from him and he goes and does something like this...” Mina uttered in disbelief.

Kirishima rose up from his chair, beelining for the door. “Thanks for lunch, Y/N. I’m going home after this bullshit.”

The sound of the door shutting echoed throughout your apartment. You continued to glue your gaze on the screen, grabbing the remote and turning the television back on.

“We now have a witness, one of the aspiring heroes that was kidnapped by Bakugou.” The news reporter turned to a young woman who was standing beside her, shivering from pure fright and shock. “What happened, dear?”

“He... He threatened us all... saying that he’d kill our families if we didnt join th-the League,” the girl stuttered.

“Bakugou Katsuki threatened you?”

The girl shook her head, widening her eyes at the news reporter. “No... the one with the scars and piercings did.”

You turned the television back off and leaned back in your chair. Mina looked at you with sympathy. “I can make some tea for you if you want, Y/N.”

You shook your head, looking down at your hands. “That’s alright. Thanks though.”

Mina rubbed your back. “I know how much he meant to you.”

Your hand clenched into a fist. “Do you... Do you really think he did it? Killed Shigaraki and kidnapped all those people?”

Mina sighed. “I’m not sure. He’s not the same Bakugou we went to school with, you know?”

“But he is!”

“Y/N...”

“He is, I'm telling you!” You grabbed Mina’s hands in your own. “He was kidnapped by the League, Mina. Deku even said Katsuki blames himself for All Might’s end, and maybe that triggered him to wanting to become a villain. I know he’s not evil. There’s no proof that he actually committed those crimes.”

“Are you sure you’re not just saying that because of how you felt about him back in U.A.?”

“Of course not. We graduated ten years ago and I haven’t seen him since. There’s no way he would just decide to become a villain out of nowhere, Mina, I know him.”

Mina sighed, looking down at your clasped hands. “I wanna believe that, too, but there isn’t much evidence supporting that he’s a good guy, Y/N. And we’re pros now. It’s our job to protect those who can’t protect themselves. And if there comes a time in the future where we have to choose between Bakugou and an innocent civilian, we are literally authorized to choose the civilian.”

“I know. But we have no idea if we’d ever be put in a situation like that with Katsuki.”

“Y/N.”

“I know, I know.” This time it was your turn to sigh.

“You have to be more professional now. In two days, the whole world is gonna recognize you as the number one hero and as the new symbol of peace. You can’t let a high school crush get in the way of that.”

You waved her off. “Oh, please. I liked Katsuki ten years ago. There’s no way I still feel that way about him.”

***

Present

“The League has stayed under the radar for the past two and half years. Despite a few run-ins with the Vanguard, it seems they aren’t making any flashy moves, not yet at least.”

“Still, we have to be on our feet at all times, right, Natsuya?” you said, looking at the notes that you were provided.

Before entering U.A. ten years ago, your childhood friend Yamashita Natsuya was rather close with you. Due to him being quirkless, he had no intention of wanting to even be affiliated with heroes and would often be confused as to why you wanted to become a hero in the first place. Nevertheless, he continued to support your ambitions, especially when he decided to enter the police academy and is now the Chief of Police as well as the most acclaimed detective in Japan, often working alongside you, the acclaimed number one hero.

Natsuya nodded. “That’s right. The police force is doing what we can to track down the League and that Bakugou guy. In the meantime, I’ll send you and Ashido the details about the members of the League and the Vanguard. We’re also calling in more reinforcements from the other Japan branches. This case’ll be big and we need all the help we can get.”

“You’re calling in other pros?” Mina asked.

Natsuya nodded once more, turning a page in one of his files. “Yeah, we’re calling in Cellophane, Earphone Jack, Froppy, Red Riot, and Charge Bolt. They’ll be temporarily staying in this branch and helping us out.”

You gasped in delight. “Sero, Kyouka, Tsuyu, Kirishima, and Kaminari are coming here?!”

“Yup. And if things get rough we might even call in Shouto, Tenya, Uravity, and Deku.”

“I haven’t heard from them in a while. It’s good to have the gang come back all together,” Mina said with a grin, you nodding along and agreeing with her. “Well, if that’s it, Mr. Chief of Police, we’ll be on our way.”

“Wait.” Natsuya grabbed your wrist, pulling you back into the conference room.

Your eyes widened instinctively from the sudden touch, turning back to Mina with a soft smile. “I’ll meet you at the apartment, Mina.”

Mina’s face broke out into a huge grin, waving goodbye to you. “I’ll leave you two love birds alone.”

You blushed, turning to face Natsuya who also had the same rosy color on his cheeks. He let go of your wrist. “I just wanted to say for you to be careful.”

“You know I'm always careful, Natsu.”

“That’s a damn lie and you and I both know that.” You both chuckled, remembering the numerous times you’ve been in the hospital due to your avid clumsiness. “But, I'm serious this time. The Department is saying the Vanguard is apparently attacking cities where huge pro heroes are. You’re number one and it’ll only be a matter of time until they attack you. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

You smiled, caressing Natsuya’s cheek with your hand. “I’ll be fine, I mean it. If it makes you feel better, once you call in all the other pros, I'll make sure I'm never alone so at least I'll always have backup.”

Natsuya sighed, causing one of his brown locks to fall on his forehead. “Okay, fine.” He opened the door for you. “Just don’t do anything stupid, Y/N.”

You waved him off. “Have a little faith, Natsu. I’m number one for a reason.”

He laughed and the two of you said your goodbyes. As you left the police department, Mina got up from her previous position of sitting on the bare concrete while waiting for you.

“Wow, that was faster than I expected,” Mina commented, looping her arm around yours as the two of you began walking to your shared apartment.

“He was just warning me to be careful. What’d you expect?”

Mina shrugged as you turned the corner. “Oh, you know, just the occasional flirty look over here, a make out session over there, and then you two ending up banging on his desk--”

“Okay, that’s enough!” You said, waving your hands in front of you, feeling your face burn up completely as Mina laughed at your expression. “We’ve only been dating for two weeks, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Mina waved you off. “It’s about time, too. It only took Yamashita over twenty years to finally ask you out. If he didn't end up asking you out though, I would’ve done it for him.”

You chuckled. “I appreciate your concern, but we started out as best friends since we were kids. There was no rush for me to get into a relationship.”

“Y/N, you’re a hot twenty-six-year-old woman. I’m still wondering how Yamashita didn't propose to you the minute he saw you.” Mina shrugged as the two of you arrived in front of your complex, walking up to your apartment. 

You pulled out your keys to unlock the door. “Well, I never really liked him before. It’s the same way if Kirishima ever asked you out when you two were in middle school.”

Mina grimaced. “You’re right. I take it back.”

You chuckled, plopping down in front of your couch. “By the way, it’s your turn to cook tonight.”

Mina groaned. “Fine, but I'm picking tonight’s movie.”

You laughed. “Let me check what’s on cable right now.”

You leaned forward towards the coffee table, grabbing the remote and turning the television on. The Japan Daily News popped up.

“It seems that Kanto region here will be filled with arguably a few of the biggest pro heroes today. The Chief of Police, Yamashita Natsuya--”

“That’s your boyfriend!”

“I know, Mina! Now shut up so I can listen!”

“--has called forth the following heroes to Kanto in assistance with the cases filed against the League of Villains and the Vanguard Action Squad: Earphone Jack, Cellophane, Red Riot, Froppy, and Charge Bolt.”

“So Natsuya’s not gonna call Todoroki, Deku, Iida, or Ochako, huh?” You muttered.

Mina sat down beside you. “May be he thinks it’s okay as long as we’re all here.”

You shrugged. “May be. We don’t even know what the League is planning.”

“League or no League, I'm just glad that the gang’s back together! It’ll be just like the good ole days!”

You sighed softly. “Yeah, but we’re missing Katsuki.”

Mina eyed you briefly, all evidence of happiness erased from her face before looking back at the TV again. “Look, I know how much he meant to you and how close you two were. But he’s not the same Bakugou from all those years ago. You’ve gotta let those old feelings go, Y/N.”

You sat up, facing her. “This isn’t about some old high school feelings I've felt before. This is my concern as someone who was his friend. I still believe there’s something that we don’t know, Mina.”

Mina sighed, leaning back and lying down on the couch. “Okay, that’s fair enough. As long as you don’t have any unnecessary feelings for Bakugou.”

“Of course not. After all, I have Natsuya now. I don’t even care about Bakugou beyond an old friendship.”

I'm so sad about this purge, I feel bad even logging onto my dash. I vaguely remember the days of strikethrough, but this feels much more bleak.

Hi anon, it definitely sucks, and I can definitely see why it would be making you so sad / feel so bad.

Tbh, Strikethrough hit me a lot harder at the time. But I stood to lose (and did lose) a lot more personal friendships, and via the Purge, I don’t stand to lose any, because we’re already in touch/established in other places (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, even Dreamwidth - where many of us went after Strikethrough in the first place).

Okay this got long:

But back during Strikethrough, there was a big population of people who refused to leave or refused to even start anywhere else. They refused to cross post their entries to Dreamwidth and refused to have anything other than the one website for all of their operations. For those of us who could no longer support LJ in any capacity morally, it meant we couldn’t find them on Twitter, or Facebook, or Tumblr, or anywhere else really.

And, also, Strikethrough was very bitter for many of us. Within fandoms, there was a lot of turning against each other. RP communities were left behind for a long time (it took DW a while to figure out how to port communities, not just individual journals, which meant that DW RPers were lost initially), some people said that those who were upset about Strikethrough were over-reacting and had no reason to get emotional, and a lot of bridges were burned. There was a lot of finger pointing, and on one side: ‘If you don’t at least make an account on DW or somewhere else, I literally can’t interact with you anymore and you don’t care about the friendship’ and on the other side: ‘You are all being sensitive snowflakes, and if you can’t handle coming to LJ to read about me then you don’t care about me.’

Many of those people came over to Dreamwidth, after subsequent bad decisions that Livejournal made as a platform, but by then it was too late and some communities had disintegrated, and certainly friendships were lost not because of just…community fragmentation as is happening now, but because of arguments and bitter anger. Livejournal’s betrayal was so deep and profound, that many people’s powerlessness at LJ turned into rage at the people around them for not doing more (or rage for suddenly feeling attacked when they were unaffected by Strikethrough).

The Tumblr Purge is happening on a grand scale and I hate it, and it’s depressing, but it also - for me - hasn’t been surprising (after all, there was literally nothing to stop Tumblr from doing this all along, and there have been hints that it was going to do something like this even back when I joined a long time ago, when it occasionally went through and annihilated porn blogs in waves - whereas Livejournal behaved more like Pillowfort: It pretended to be a safer space before flipping on its TOS and doing so increasingly). (Imho, this is also why I expect almost all my fics to be pulled from FF.net one day, and if folks with explicit fics aren’t expecting this, then like…*sigh*). But this is a familiar pain to me, and so far, does not twist me up like Strikethrough did.

The worst part for me is: No good alternatives to Tumblr right now, which is causing profound community displacement and disintegration on a previously unseen scale. Though many people can stay on Tumblr in the meantime, the options right now aren’t - for many reasons - very workable. And many of us are already spread thin across multiple social media accounts, and can’t necessarily open another 3-4 (or more) just to maybe keep in touch with the ten+ mutuals who go to each place.

There are ethical problems with some - I hate Pillowfort right now in a way that I don’t hate Tumblr, because imho, Pillowfort’s flip on their TOS at a time when they’re making more money than ever before is far more egregious than Tumblr doing…something that, let’s face it, is very in line with Tumblr’s ‘we don’t give a shit about our userbase’ ineptitude.

And, of course, knowing how much direct damage this is doing to artists and people I care about, which is why I’m frequently posting information on the Tumblr Purge (how to unlock pixellation of your journal / how to actually now appeal your posts etc.) Many of those artists though, I was already following elsewhere: Patreon, Instagram, Twitter etc. And some I’ve recently added.

I am staying here in the foreseeable future, perhaps because Tumblr’s actions feel less like a betrayal to me and more like a ‘we decided to get less lazy and do the bullshit we could’ve always done, that you knew we could’ve always done.’ It doesn’t make it right, fair, okay or any less deeply unethical and worrisome, but I can continue to use this site as a base as I wait and see where most people will go.

I think the important thing to remember is that fandom always prevails. It always prevails. Yes, this is painful, bleak and horrible. Yes, there are times when I read something about Tumblr at the moment and immediately have to leave the internet and go and think about something else. But I do have a quiet, rock-steady faith that something else will come along, that we still have AO3 and Dreamwidth, that we have other ‘bases’ in the meantime (the list here is endless), and that things will find their way again. So while I grieve what has been lost now, I also just wait, quietly, because two decades in fandom has taught me that fandom prevails, and that often all you need do is wait to see how.

I'm not sure what it's called but I'll make it short: my partner is treating unemployment like an extended vacation. I caught them talking to other girls, flirting, etc. I'm the only one paying bills and I feel so lost. Whenever I try to bring up issues, they say I'm "being mean" and I "love to treat them like dirt". But I'm not insulting them or saying anything derogatory. I simply want to have an adult conversation. It always gets pushed to the side and I am really resenting them now...

Your partner is gaslighting you and I think it’s time to ask yourself some hard questions about why you’re still in this relationship. It is not unreasonable for you to expect your partner to be an adult, and contribute to the relationship and the household. And it’s definitely not unreasonable for you to expect that your partner will be faithful to you, by whatever definition of “faithful” you’ve agreed upon. This isn’t cruel, or mean, or outrageous. It’s a basic requirement of an adult relationship, and a basic show of respect for another human being. It is not fair for one partner to heap all the responsibilities onto the other partner’s head and demand that they take it with a smile. You are not the unreasonable one here. If your partner is capable of working, then they need to be making a genuine and sincere effort to find employment or seek further education, and they need to be doing a greater share of the housework in the meantime to make up for the added strain on you. This is a completely reasonable expectation. By consistently failing to do this, and by going behind your back to flirt with other girls, your partner is showing a huge lack of respect and consideration for you. Most people do not ever want to be in a position where they can even be perceived as taking advantage of a loved one’s generosity, and work hard to avoid or escape that situation. Having to rely on a partner for money due to unemployment can be a huge source of guilt or shame for most people, because most people do not want to put added strain on their partners. The fact that your partner is doing whatever they can to keep that situation going is not normal, and it’s not okay. You are not the one treating your partner like dirt. And you deserve better than this. I’ve written about this a couple of times before, but I’ve been in pretty much the exact same position with my ex. He dropped out of college shortly after we moved in together and lost a series of jobs because he would consistently fail to show up for work. He had legitimate mental health problems that made it difficult for him to hold a job, but he would refuse to cooperate with treatment or be honest with his psychologist. He also flat-out refused to help with housework, including cooking his own meals or doing his own laundry, and he refused to take care of adult responsibilities like keeping track of his own keys or filing his own taxes. I was working full-time to pay all our bills and doing all of our housework, while still trying to save money and apply to graduate school. Every day, I would come home from my extremely stressful job working with mentally ill homeless teens, only to find my partner parked on the couch, playing games on his tablet and loudly complaining that his dishes weren’t done and his laundry wasn’t clean. I was physically and mentally exhausted, and I felt more like an unappreciated nanny than a life partner. I was having to beg and plead with a grown man to take the garbage out so that I would only be stuck with 95% of the responsibilities instead of the full 100%. And when I confronted him, he accused me of being “materialistic” and said that he was disappointed that I “was the kind of person who’d let money ruin a relationship”. He told me that if I wanted him to have a job and stay on his medication, then it was my responsibility to find him a job and give him his medication every day. At the time, I felt enormously guilty for resenting him, because hey, maybe I was being shallow about his work situation, and maybe I wasn’t being supportive and understanding enough about his mental illness. Looking back, I realize that he was feeding me complete nonsense, and I was believing it. I was not being mean or unreasonable: he just knew that he had a good thing going, and he was willing to say or do whatever it took to keep that from changing. He could see the strain that he was placing on me, but he valued his carefree life more than he valued me or my mental health. And your partner is doing the exact same thing to you, plus they are flirting with other people behind your back. So now I think it’s time to make some hard choices. What are you getting out of this relationship? The blissful early days of the relationship don’t count here - what are you getting from the relationship now? Are the good times with this person worth the strain that they are putting on you? Do you feel respected and heard? Do you think that the two of you will be able to have adult conversations about other issues in your life, like moving or getting married or making a major purchase or having kids? You can try talking to your partner about the issue - sit them down on a day when you are both calm, let them know how serious this is for you, how much of a toll its having on you, and tell them that you need the situation to change or you are done, as simple as that. Be prepared for the possibility that they will not listen or change their behaviour. Your partner has shown a disregard for your needs and feelings in the past, they have grown accustomed to you providing for them and putting up with their behaviour, and they might not think you’re serious when you tell them you’re ready to walk away. They know that they have it made right now, and they might be prepared to bully you to keep it that way. Don’t fall for it. You are not in the wrong here. If your partner isn’t willing to listen to you and step up, then they aren’t worth your continued effort. You are spinning your wheels twice as fast to go half as far, and you deserve a relationship with someone who is willing to be your co-pilot, not a burden you drag behind you. Best of luck to you!

I'm watching public proposal video as I type. UT Pap Burgerpants, Fell bros and react to s/o propose to them in public, will they run away?

{ Awww~Yeah, there’s also Burgerpants, he’s the absolute king, I’m still waiting for Burgertale! }

📣 Pappy ~

You know he’s very romantic and fluff but he’s also so timid and insecure despite he always appears so confident and enthusiastic but he’s still a naïve skeleton. He would not use a date’s manual if he was able to behave with persons properly and sometimes he’s confused even after have read that manual. Maybe he has read too much theories but he did not do a lot of practice. You and Papyrus are dating from some months but he has not already confessed his love sentiment to you and he keeps defining you as “special friend”, “the greatest friend”, “the friend he cares the most”, and you are not so sure about what he means with these definitions and it’s like he’s friendzoning you. Sometimes, he lost himself in your eyes appearing like a sort of idiot, and you find him so cute all the times. Then, you understand you have to do the first move because he’s not going to declare first and he’s too timid and confused. You are very sure about what you feel and you cannot live in this mess for so long.You propose to Papyrus a date in the MTT’s Resort because it’s a romantic and familiar place and you know Papyrus is a fan of that robot so the skeleton, when you propose to him this date, becomes euphoric that he’s unable to contain himself. It’s a dream, the perfect date!The date goes very well and Papyrus seems so happy and relaxed, he speaks to you about his last days of trainings and he’s doing so many progresses but he’s so great so it’s oblivious his results are as great as him. You smile to him, and you are impatience to confess to him your truth.Then, you stand up revealing you have something important to say and everyone here has to listen to you. Papyrus gets curious and he follows you with his eyes full of surprise while you are reaching the stage. There, you take the microphone; the lights become dimmed, you start to sing an Ed Sheeran’s song to Papyrus because you know he appreciates a lot all this romanticism. «Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song. », you keep looking him in the eyes while you’re singing, it’s a true declaration of love and Papyrus is left speechless. «I have faith in what I see now I know I have met an angel in person. » yes, Papyrus is your angel and you have promised to yourself you would have protected him with your life, nothing matter more than him! In the meantime you sing, Papyrus starts crying for the emotion like a little baby.«And he looks perfect. I don’t deserve this, you look perfect tonight~» at the end of the song you say you love him so much and you could not find a more special way to declare your feelings to him. Papyrus is still crying and he screams that he loves you so much and it’s the greatest gift he has ever received.

📣 Burgerpants ~

You know very well he’s not a positive person and he often complains about life, saying how it’s difficult and harsh with every human beings but, in particular, it’s been so cruel with him and he’s just a cat, he did not do anything wrong in his existence.  Maybe you are his only light who illumines his turbid path and you treat him with respect and affection, he thinks he does not deserve this special treatment but you keep saying to him that’s not true and you love him because he’s funny, gentle, cute and he’s a cat. This is the supreme point!One day, you invite him to have a date with you at MTT’s Resort even if Burgerpants does not appreciate that place so much because it makes him remember of his boss and that job is too tedious and horrible to him. It’s like a nightmare he wants to forget!You have a specific plan in your mind and this last period he’s been too stressed, you just want to demonstrate all the love you feel for him, that you adore him despite the low self-esteem he got, and you are ready to help and support him every moment of his life. You want to spend the rest of the eternity with him but you are afraid of all his insecurities, he has to understand he’s worthy and he’s so extraordinary. Burgerpants is having fun with you this night and he feels so lucky you are so sweet and kind and you are able to love him despite his eternal complains and any other persons would have already left him alone but you possess all the patience of this world!Then, you say that you have to do something and he can wait for you here so he nods without asking anything else. You are directed to the stage and Burgerpants is confused but he just thinks you want to exhibit singing some songs but you are not going to sing anything, this time.All the people in the restaurant have their eyes pointed at you and you start speaking. You say that you are here this night with your lover, the person you love the most and these Shakespeare’s verses you are going to recite are dedicated to him.«Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer’s lease hath all too short a date:Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,And often is his gold complexion dimm’d; And every fair from fair sometime declines, By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm’d; But thy eternal summer shall not fade Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,When in eternal lines to time thou growest: So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,So long lives this and this gives life to thee.»After this, Burgerpants is shocked… Have you dedicated a Shakespear’s poem to him for real? How can it be possible? He would not deserve neither the last poem of the last poet. If the poetry has not been explicatory enough, you continue saying that you love him so much and he’s so much more than what he thinks. Then, he starts crying while all the audience is applauding you, encouraging your love.

📣 Reddy ~

You and Sans are together for several months and he’s the one who is most surprised since he had some doubts you could tolerate him for all this time.This last period, your mind is full of thoughts and there is a particular thing you want to confess to Sans but you never find the way or the right moment. This thing is so serious and important because it regards your future with him, this is not a decision so easy to take and you have to be sure he’s ready as well. You know he loves you so much even if he never says those words and he’s quite uncomfortable to show his true feelings. He’s such an ambulant crinch but you love him anyway despite his oddness.You and him are dating to Grillby’s like your usual and maybe it’s the time to confess it to Sans, you are tired and nervous, you need to open up with him.After the dinner, you get up from your seat going to the stage of the karaoke, Sans looks at you confused and he did not think you were the type to sing a song.Then, you start to talk, greeting the audience. You say you are glad to be here this night and you are going to confess something very important everybody has to hear. Sans is too worried because this audience is not as gentle as you think and they are going to launch you tomatoes if you don’t run away. Everyone is laughing at you, screaming to shut the fuck up.No, it’s not the right place and moment and a public declaration in this Underground is not exactly the safer and easier thing, maybe you have to change your plan before someone starts a fight and you find yourself dunking of tomatoe’s sauce. Sans is getting more worried and you can perceive his discomfort so you get out of the stage and he asks to you what the hell do you have in mind doing something like it. You should know the more you are hidden the more you survive in this hell. Then, when you and him come back home, you explain what you had in mind but you have lost your mind a little too much. You confess you just love him so much and maybe you were blinded by it. Sans becomes as red as those tomatoes that have not been launched and he’s unable to speak so you two stare to each other like two idiots. Two adorable idiots, anyway.

📣 The Edge Lord ~

Since you are Papyrus’ mate and he’s one of the most fearsome monsters here, none has the courage to mess with you so you are quite free but you have to be still careful and the danger is always under the corner.You are one of the only people who is able to appreciate him despite his arrogance and egocentrism and it’s a miracle itself. Actually, you put a lot of effort to handle and convince him to love you since he’s too stubborn and full of himself and it seems he was unable to love some other person who was not his own self. You realized it was not true and he can be soft when he cares about a person, in his odd ways but you know it’s not his fault if he’s born in a shitty society like this. You want to live a calmer life with him without battles, wars and worries and you want him to know it. He has never said those three words to you and he’s too proud but you can understand he feels the same and he truly loves you.One day, you and him decide to go out to dinner and it’s the perfect moment to explain your true sentiment to Papyrus. You don’t have so many problems and the crowd remains quite while you are talking because everyone here fears Papyrus and they want to live so they shut up.You confess to him that he’s your hero and you have never met a courageous and strong person as him in your life. You are not saying it to pump his ego but you truly mean it. You are happy and proud being his mate and you hope you and him can be like this forever.Your words are full of love and it’s the first time in the Underground these kind of words have been heard. Papyrus does not comment because he’s a little embarrassed but he thinks you have been so brave saying it in front of a ferocious audience like it and he feels the same to you. He will confess you his thoughts when you are alone because he has to keep his badass aura; it’s useful if you want to stay alive. He’s so glad and he needed hearing this from you.

*Long Post, But If You Like Reading Please Read*

So I've decided to take on a huge project that probably SHOULD have been done sooner, but I don't think COULD have possibly been done sooner. So here's the story and here's the project:

!STORY TIME!

I was a creative writing major in college... However, I have not written anything for a year, and the whole year prior to that, every time I sat down with a notebook or at the computer it was torture. I used to save my creative writing homework for last cause I knew I'd enjoy it, but my final year that wasn't the case. I was told in my creative writing classes that my writing - if it was good enough - would protect me. It would protect me from those embarrassing moments I was writing about, and from the anger of other people because when it breaks down to it, it's a story and we read for good stories. Well, that wasn't the case. My writing was good, and that wasn't the case. Rob was wrong. I was wrong.

Then enter two years of depression followed by anxiety. Pretty much convinced I had no support from anyone in my life and then at the same time my anxiety started making up conspiracy theories about myself... how convenient. I stopped going to church, I stopped really believing in God [like I KNEW, but like... do you even care? Clearly not, so why do I put my trust in you? Type thing]. Through a very emotional night I confessed what I had been holding in for months about my confusion, bitterness and anger to Evan and of course Evan suggested I start going back to church but I was so reluctant. I didn't want to, but any time I went with him I felt almost as if my body had been full of static (like TV static) before church, and after it was like living with a clear screen. I could breathe for a little bit.

So this one day, I am sitting at work, minding my own business and this little girl comes in and gets a french manicure. Conversations take off and she starts telling me how her Dad's a pastor and I started to open up a little bit about my story and my doubts and that I grew up in church yada yada yada. So she invited me to her church... and feeling like it was maybe God finally paying attention to me again, I went. And I continued to go for a couple of months. They were warm and welcoming and EVERYTHING I WANTED... but any time there were events, my schedule didn't match up and I started to think that even though Solid Rock was what brought me back into the habit of going to church, maybe that wasn't where I was supposed to be. Which sucked cause there were a lot of amazing people there.

So then this one day I was tapping through Instagram stories and my friend from freshman year of college had posted this quick story about the church she had started going to, 2|42. I sent her a quick message about what it was like, and she was happy to respond. I then texted Evan and said "we are checking out another church." I swear I could hear his eyes roll through the phone.

Showed up at 2|42 and it was kind of everything I wanted, but for the longest time couldn't find a way to connect so while I was still going to 2|42 I was looking around at other churches... being me and preparing for the future I was already thinking "okay, I want my kids to be able to be in JBQ and Missionettes..." but I felt God pull me back and kind of tap me on the shoulder and remind me that I don't know what the future holds or if I'm still gonna be around the area for that. I had so much else to worry about before I worried about JBQ for my currently nonexistent kids. So focusing on the now, I ended up staying.

In the meantime with all of this going on, (excuse the language, but I can't find a better way to describe it...) shit hit the fan in my own personal life. I was battling with my roommate pretty much almost on a daily basis, feeling left out - on purpose - belittled, ignored and I honestly don't know what I ever did to her. As well as the Gymnastics Club board was having issues and I cared way too much about them that their stubbornness and my will to fight for myself was causing issues. When it came to personal interactions between people I called friends, I knew that I was no longer this sweet innocent freshman, I had some dirt on my hands, blood on my face, and in a lot of ways I wasn't afraid to show it. Creative writing encouraged me to un-sensor my work, so you could say my vocabulary expanded. It taught me how to talk about things in my writing that I typically wouldn't talk about. Personal thoughts, experiences, family issues, fears, intimate conversations and connections with friends. But in most conversations it felt like I would have been more respected by the people that surrounded me in my everyday life, if I had just stayed sweet and innocent, and never stood up for myself... or had never even written at times. It was as if they respected me as a Christian when I was 100% all about Jesus all the time, but didn't respect me/my beliefs when I was struggling with my faith - which is a common thing to struggle with. It was as if loosing my innocence was what lost me respect which was strange because everyone else was allowed to lose their innocence and they were welcomed with open arms into the club of people that could earn the "Platinum Certificate of Depravity." So after a night at sidetracks, I said goodbye to Dave, told him I loved him and I remember closing the door that night and deciding I needed a break.

The weeks that followed were ones where I was realizing that if I wanted to keep my income (as a nail technician) I would have to retire from gymnastics. I could not pull out one final season. So the plan was to talk to the board and strike a deal to keep my position without doing gymnastics for one last year and see if anyone wanted to be "trained" to take it over from me. But if it hadn't been for a warning from a close friend, I would have been blindsided when told that the board had not only talked about it without including me or notifying me, but had also decided that in order to continue making the videos for the team for the 2018 - 2019 season and posting on the Instagram and promoting the club... not only would i be doing that for free, but I would also have to pay the FULL 210 club dues. Without doing any of the gymnastics that came along with it. Which was the reason we were all there to begin with. I wasn't going to pay to do a job I should be getting paid for, and I wasn't going to pay to record everyone doing things I wished i could still physically do... which by the way, sucks. So I quit right then and there, handed over passwords and walked away. I gave away most of my leotards a month ago. *Not belittling the club or the current board, I am just explaining my decisions and how it felt.*

But it really left me feeling alone. All I had was work, Evan and my roommates. However, 2|42 was promoting this thing called ROOTED. If you joined there was a chance you would become a small group afterwards, so after weeks of saying no, I finally said yes. The group was a total God thing, and tonight was the first night since quitting the gymnastics club and completely walking away from it that I felt like I was going to - in all aspects of my life - be okay.

So... with that being said, I have been thinking about it, and it is about to be a huge project. But I have gone through, removed all previous pieces of writing from my blog, it is currently "Under Construction". This will take MONTHS. But I have started writing again. It is darker, and heavier and not what one would expect. However, I want to show the transformation of my life through my writing. From the moments of lost friends, to realizing that I had lost them, to the issues that followed, with the loss of faith, to feeling - like I said - covered in dirt, scares, lies, pain, drama, ultimatums and the struggle between wanting to break away from it all and become someone or something else or becoming and embracing the person you are meant to be with all of your dirt all over you. Innocence gone, friends gone, yearly traditions gone, mock awards gone, potlucks gone, Halloween and Christmas parties gone, leaving group chats, exiting conversations... to this life that has gone from a bad reputation to someone who is reclaiming it. Surrounded to alone and from alone to surrounded. From unforgivable to forgiven. From supported to unsupported from writing stories to writing poetry, from innocent -> Guilty -> Forgiven and finally a story of life without God to a life with God.

I would really love the support from anyone who enjoys reading. You can follow the link and click on the follow button or (with that button) set up an email that will be linked when I first re-launch it. I will probably share this again, but I am really excited to "relaunch" something that has had such a negative impact on my life and turn it into something I am proud of.