#an ask blog might be a lot to maintain... maybe an ask... EVENT?
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Rinwell
🌟 Drop one of my characters’ names in my inbox and I’ll tell you 10 facts about them 🌟
Rinwell chose to settle in Elde Menancia after the events of the main game because of the massive library there. It provided boundless opportunities to research, for one. For another, Menancia had come to feel very homey to her out of all the places she and the others had traveled to. It also gave her a chance to remain close to Kisara and, for a time, Dohalim. Even after the events of BtD, it's easy to find Rinwell holed up in the Menancian library researching away.
Though Rinwell knows it will take a long time to have people change their view on mages, she still is fully intent on working toward that goal. She hopes her parents are proud of her for trying so hard to make it so mages can be seen in a good light. There are days when it's difficult for Rinwell to try and further this goal, but she has hope in its progress.
Due to her nature as a mage, Rinwell needs to keep her strength up a fair bit so she can do what she needs to do in combat. Using so much astral energy does take a lot of energy, after all. So does dodging, as her style of fighting does make her need to stay on her toes so she can cast and also avoid getting hit. The quickest way for her to regain energy is by eating sweets, at least as far as she can tell. The struggle comes in maintaining a more balanced diet, which Kisara tries her hardest to make sure Rinwell and everyone else actually do. Rinwell just tends to prefer the boost she seems to get from sweets in particular. She also has a nostalgic reason for the preference, as she has fond memories of sharing sweets with her parents when they were still alive.
I've said this before on this blog, but it took a while for Rinwell and Dohalim to trust each other enough to be able to use Radiant Genesis together. It also took them a while to actually start viewing each other as friends. Specifically it was Rinwell that took a while on this front. Sometime after everything with Almeidrea, though, she opened herself up enough to not only apologize to Dohalim for how she'd been treating him, but also open herself up to the idea of really being his friend.
Rinwell originally didn't consider the idea of Hootle maybe wanting to stay in the Owl Forest with the other owls. It wasn't until the party had started finding more of the owls around Dahna and helping them get back home that the possibility hit her. And Rinwell resigned herself to the idea of having to say goodbye to her closest friend. Naturally, it was a shock when Hootle made it clear that he didn't want to leave her. She still cherishes her bond with Hootle quite a bit, so the relief of knowing he still wanted to stay with her was better than she could have asked for. She knows that one day he still could decide he wants to go join the other owls, though, but hopes that it won't be for a long, long time.
After meeting Edna, Eizen, and Chronos, the idea of exploring other worlds became pretty intriguing to Rinwell. She isn't sure if she'll ever get the chance to world hop, for lack of a better term, but she always keeps an eye out for books on the subject to see what she can learn. Being separated from her friends would be difficult, Rinwell knows, but she still is curious about what other worlds might exist beyond the one she knows.
Part of her wants to try and harness the power of Indignation like Ganabelt could. And Rinwell has actually made attempts to do so. Always without the rest of the party knowing, of course. She doesn't want them to worry about her potentially getting hurt from trying to harness such massive amounts of light astral energy. Still, she knows she's a capable mage. If she gets enough practice, then perhaps one day she'll be able to do it. For the time being, though, it's a subject she's limited to research and the very occasional attempt at practicing. She feels like utilizing Thunder Blade a lot might be a key, but isn't too sure how to actually put that knowledge into practice beyond just using the arte a lot.
Shooting Star is one of Rinwell's personal favorite artes that she learned while traveling with Alphen and the others. It takes a long time to cast, and can leave her in a vulnerable position while she's casting, but she feels like it's worth the effort when it can do a lot of damage. She also is partial to Celestial Hammer in terms of her aerial artes.
She has a tally of the amount of times Law has used Tenebrous Claw in combat. It started as a thing she did out of annoyance, but eventually just became something she kept track of in general. Especially after hearing a conversation between him and Kisara where he commented on how repeated usage of Mystic Artes would make them not so mystic. She herself struggles to actively use her own Mystic Artes since she tries to keep herself out of harm's way and isn't the best at perfectly dodging attacks, so it is still a little annoying seeing Law making such liberal use of his own. But still. It makes him happy. Who could blame him for that?
Rinwell definitely has stopped by Calaglia on more than one occasion following the events of the main game to get doughnuts. Sometimes she also uses the opportunity to visit with Law, but most of the time? She's mainly there for the sweets. She won't deny it, either. But it is good to catch up with Law when she can get the chance.
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THE GREAT LUPIN THE THIRD!
Yeah, hey, hi. I made this blog kinda on a whim. Technically called a ‘faller’, but I kinda just walked my way in here. It was a planned fall, basically. Maybe a bungee jump. I’m a universe bungee jumper.
The multilingual, iconic thief that you know and love. Currently living in Kalos, with a ‘home safehouse’ in Unova, but that’s subject to change. Subject to a lot change.
Also, I’m apparently Victini’s favourite little guy. So, that’s a whole thing.
(OOC UNDER THE CUT. PLS READ :))
HELLO HI. i did it i made a blog for the worst guy ever in the world.
if you don’t know me. hi. i’m kate and i have a really really strong fixation on both lupin iii and pokémon. so i mashed them together. this blog might be relatively inactive since i’m really bad with maintaining blogs, and because lupin is mostly discord only. but hey. fun.
since the lupin timeline is absolutely fucked, the events that have happened to him are basically ‘whatever’s funniest’. part 4, 5 and 6 are all canon to him (with part 6 happening about a year before he fell). parts of 1, 2 and 3 are canon if they’re funny enough for the narrative.
all of the koike movies are canon (goemon’s blood spray, fujikos lie, gravestone of daisuke jigen), and some parts of ���the woman called fujiko mine’ are too, minus jigen and lupin meeting.
every episode of lupin zero is canon to him . because that’s the best origin for him and jigen
aside from that, specials and movies will apply when i decide they fit. the timeline is fucked man what can i say.
i have a lot of hcs for lupin which i would love to explain. i love him so bad and also i hate him
asks will always be open for him, but please don’t mention eating disorders with him, for my own comfort <3 asks about that will be deleted.
anyway. hi :) have fun :) my guy :)
PELIPPER MAIL, MAGIC ANONS + MUSHARMA MAIL ARE ALL OPEN!!
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hello there i was wondering if you might be able to help this baby polytheist. i feel like i am drifting away from one of the gods i worship and i'm unsure if maybe i should give up on their worship entirely or if i should hold out? i've never been able to hear the gods either, so if they've ever said anything to me i have never known. i just wish someone would make their presence known to me so i know i am not alone. i wonder if maybe i've been pushing them away on accident as well, like i believe hermes has been sending me signs but i thought maybe i wasn't ready to worship three gods at once so i said i would wait a little while but now i feel guilty. idk i have a lot of feelings and thoughts and i feel like i can't reach out to anyone because they're not polytheistic so they won't understand. you can delete this ask if you want i just needed to get it out to someone and you're the only worship blog i follow that offers advice and has anon on
Hi, anon! I apologise for not responding sooner; I've recently returned from a holiday.
I am trying a new method of colouring my asks to help break up the sections even more! I hope it's useful.
Your ask resonates with me on a very deep level. I have been and continue to be where you are, so I apologise if I'm not able to give an efficient fix to your issues.
Your message has touched on three things I love to talk about. They're topics that are cathartic to me. The main points I have gotten from this are:
Prioritising human methods of communicating
The pain and guilt of losing connections
The struggle of maintaining realistic expectations
So I will address them each as their own category under the cut. Sorry, but this is a long one.
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Prioritising Human methods of Communication
I remember in 2019 when the question of communication beyond divination was discussed quite a lot. More specifically, the concept of the 'God Phone'. I'm sure you're familiar but to those who aren't:
The 'God Phone' is the idea that if an individual has a deep connection with the divine, they will be able to directly communicate with Them by hearing Their voices, feeling Their touch or sensing Their presence.
And gosh, did it catch on quickly. I do not doubt that there are likely people in the community who do, in fact, experience some of the events that describe the God Phone. But I will, unfortunately, admit that I believe the idea caused a lot of harm.
For a start, the concept puts at risk those who experience psychosis, auditory hallucinations, tactile hallucinations or delusions - and may encourage them to indulge their symptoms rather than seek help. As someone who consistently experiences mild hallucinations, I sympathise greatly with people with much more severe issues and the ways this may have impacted them. I understand you, anon, have not contributed to this - it is simply that disabled people are commonly overlooked.
The second issue is that it ignores the other ways the Gods may choose to send a message to us or how we can facilitate these messages ourselves. Divination is a fantastic tool for gathering information and one I wish people (not you, anon) would stop dismissing in favour of that special connection. And not just tarot and runes and pendulums. But looking at bird formations, the direction of the wind, leaves at the bottom of a teacup and candle flames.
The Gods are not gone, They are not ignoring us, They are everything and in everything. Zeus IS the rain, thunder and lightning. Hermes IS every green light you drive through, every language you hear and every store you walk into. Aphrodite IS every friendship bracelet, every kiss on the cheek, every bouquet of flowers and every 'I love you'. That is how They communicate with us; They keep the world turning and embrace us in Their work.
I posit to you, anon, to exercise seeing the Gods in your everyday life. And to thank Them in any way you see fit.
TL;DR - The focus on being able to hear from the Gods directly has not only caused harm to disabled worshippers but has also caused a lot of insecurity for newer Hellenic Polytheists. It is important to remember that the Gods are everywhere, and They are communicating with you by keeping the world going. Practice everyday thankfulness.
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The pain and guilt of losing connections
Every worshipper in their time with their Gods has gone a while without feeling their religion. And I have been here too, many, many, many times. It always feels incredibly guilt-laden to continue coming back and acting like nothing has changed.
When I began worshipping in late 2018, I was excited and wanted to do everything. It was the most revivalist orthopraxic I have ever been, and sometimes I miss it greatly. After a few weeks, the hype died down, and I stopped participating so much. Weekly events became fortnightly, became monthly, became every now and then until they eventually became never.
I don't know if this is your experience since you only stated you felt you had drifted away. Buy my gosh, the amount of guilt I felt for doing that. I felt like I was a terrible person who had used these Gods for my own pleasure and then discarded Them when They were no longer exciting. And to be honest, that is sort of what I did.
My connection to the Gods had severed before it had the chance to grow. I still carry that guilt with me. The God I had tried to keep a connection with the most, Aphrodite, had faded from me after She basically saved my life. I couldn't handle it and stopped worshipping altogether for a year.
The advice I would have liked to give my younger self and what I will give you now is to remember that these ups and downs will always happen. You are human. Your emotions will change hour by hour, your motivation will swing, life will get in the way, and sometimes a connection just naturally fades, and there is nothing to be done. If that is the case for you, as it is with Aphrodite and me - mourn it.
Perhaps you simply need to allow yourself to have that distance, slow down a little and come back with a fresh mind. Which would lead me to the final point I got from your ask.
TL;DR - I have a history of losing connections to the Gods. This is something that happens naturally because you're human. You should allow yourself to let go if you need to and to grieve the loss. It may also help to step away for as long as you need to come back with a clearer mind.
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The struggle of maintaining realistic expectations
This is the big point I wanted to get at with answering this ask. I harp on it a lot because it is incredibly important for everyone to understand.
I'm neurodivergent; I understand the burst of serotonin you get when you find something new. However, unlike other neurodivergent people, my bursts tend to fizzle quickly. But even if you are not neurodivergent, anon, you will still have physical, emotional and circumstantial limitations.
For the last year, I have set myself a standard of doing at least one small "thank you, Theoi" every night; I have only missed 25 days. It was incredibly difficult at first to not give up because I couldn't do 5 prayers and tons of libations. My standards were so high that my brain had rather do nothing than risk not living up to them. This was not helped by social media showing me people with stacks of food on their altars with dozens of candles and statues. It wasn't until the fourth month that the shame began to fade.
This religion is a journey of learning about yourself and your limits. If, like me, you have to only say thank you for months, then that is what you do. I don't pretend to know what your personal life is like, anon, but if three Gods are beyond your current limits, then you honour that. You should not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. I know this is easier said than done.
If you want to include Hermes in your worshipping, you can try to ease into it by doing something small - like the simple thank you, and building up to the same level you are currently worshipping other Gods. It is wholly your choice.
And if you begin to build up, give yourself permission to go back down again. You would not be losing progress by doing this. I have gone a month doing longer prayers, and then suddenly, I'm back to my thank you's. If I didn't have that baseline, I would have given up, which would be real progress lost.
You will never have a perfect relationship with the Gods, nor will I or almost all other worshippers. But we can take the time to learn about ourselves and build a connection that works for the Gods and for us. I believe in you, anon. I know you will be able to choose the right path for you!
TL;DR - We are human, so human limitations will get in the way of having a perfect or even good worshipping routine. We need to be kind to ourselves, learn our limits and find a system that is forgiving of our faults. It is difficult and feels wrong at first, but it gets easier.
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Conclusion
Thank you again for this ask! I hope it was helpful or offered you a new perspective. Worshipping can be difficult sometimes, but that struggle doesn't have to be constant, and I believe it hinders our religious expression rather than reinforcing it. Our faith is not one of suffering; it is one of connection, reciprocity, and care - that should be what your worship embodies to yourself and the Gods.
I apologise for answering this late; I did want to do it while away, but it was too long an answer to write on my phone with janky local wifi. I swear I might revive my YouTube account to make a video about this topic. I really want to go into more depth about my thoughts, but Tumblr asks need a little too quick of a response to be detailed, and the formatting isn't very friendly to long answers.
Good luck with figuring out your worship anon! I hope whatever path you chose makes you happy ♥
#curious little creatures#anonymous#tips#hellenic polytheism#hellenic polytheist#helpol#hellenic worship
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Hi! I love ask games so I was wondering if I could send some asks?
So: 😂🙅♀️🗑️💰🌞🤔💕 you don't have to answer them all!
I think you should link your Tumblr at the end of your fics! I'm sure a lot of people would love to interact with this blog but simply don't know it exists. I think you deserve more attention, you're an amazing writer and I love your content so much.
Well, to start with, no one really leaves funny comments on my fics. They’re all pretty serious, really! Though some people just leave strings of hearts or keysmash letters, and it’s very cute.
As for tropes I won’t write, I really just don’t do sexual humiliation/violence. It’s just not for me! If that’s somebody else’s jam, they can find it in other fics easily.
So, I started writing a Guilty Gear fic quite some time ago...like 2007, and I used a lot of the Japanese voice quirks for it without realizing that a few of them were, well, kinda racist. Because I didn’t know what Japanese racism looked like. Now that I do, I would have to rewrite the whole thing, and I don’t know that I have the time/energy. Maybe someday.
A trope I would only write for money? Man, I don’t even know!
A comment that made my day...Hm. Well there are a few people on Lasabrjotr who leave like, these whole essays, and it’s awesome! Like, I envy their commenting skills, as mine are rather poor. And sometimes people try to guess where things are going, and I love that! Like yes please engage with my story! Theorize! I love it, I’m not Marvel, I’m not gonna fuck around with things just because you guessed!
One genere that I’d like to try I think would be horror. I can spin some visuals if I want, but I wonder if I could maintain them long enough for a coherent story.
Hhaha, my mos exciting WIP has nothing to do with anything on AO3 right now, and everything to do with old defunct rp blogs from 2013 in a weird crossover that nobody asked for, and only like ten people would even know I was talking about. It’s not on AO3 and probably won’t be for a while, as its a very in media res kind of thing, with established characters and plot points and callbacks that are extremely specific to the events on those blogs. Nobody knows who these characters are.
I have, however, been writing little short stories about these blogs and characters, and once I’ve finished enough of them, I might start posting them there so you can get to know these characters. Actually, two of them are on AO3 right now, so I’m a liar. The Binding of Unswag and Apotropaism are both there right now, though I don’t expect them to make much sense to anyone right now. This is all very loosely DC universe related, which is one of my other fandoms.
As for linking my tumblr in my stories, that’s actually a good idea I had not thought of, and I might just do that! Thanks!
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Creating a Classroom that is Respectful, Caring, Orderly, and Productive
Week 9 Blog # 6: Chapters 6 and 7
Chapter 6: Explain how your supervising teacher handles classroom management with respect to all of the following: teacher/student rapport; the physical environment of the classroom; establishing rules and procedures; maintaining students’ attention to lessons, and engagement in activities. In which area are they the strongest? In which area are they the weakest? What makes you say this?
Teacher/student rapport:
I think that my supervising teacher's biggest strength in regard to classroom management lies in the relationships that he has built with the students. He's achieved this by using a variety of methods. For example, every Monday, he greets them as they walk into class and asks them, "Hey, how was your weekend?" The students can feel his genuine curiosity—and they want to give him an honest answer. He asks them one-on-one as frequently as he can so that if a student had a not-so-great weekend, they can feel comfortable telling the teacher without all eyes on them. This dynamic of trust and understanding that exists in the classroom undoubtedly has an effect on this students' enthusiasm to come to class and their willingness to learn.
The physical environment of the classroom:
In my supervising teacher's classroom, student seating is set up in tables of (usually) 4, rather than single-seat desks. I think that this arrangement is much more comfortable for the students, and it allows sufficient room for walkways between tables, so there is very rarely any "traffic congestion" in the classroom. This physical arrangement allows for easier think-pair-share activities, for example, and I think has led to more engagement than we would see if all of the students were sat separately. I guess I would say that this is my supervising teacher's "weakest" area in regard to this topic. While I do think that this is a great choice on my supervising teachers' behalf, and it does keep the kids engaged, I do think that this teacher could maybe incorporate a little more color into his classroom. He's created such a welcoming, encouraging atmosphere among him and his students, and I think that ramping up the physical environment of the classroom should reflect this. Because he's a history teacher, we've talked about instead of putting up the old black-and-white posters of historical events that he has, we should find colorized versions of them with descriptive captions. They would be interesting and pretty to look at, while also being informative, useful tools.
Establishing rules and procedures:
I have to say, in my experience observing in this classroom, I've seen very, very few instances of deliberate misbehavior. I think a large part of this is due to the relationship that my supervising teacher has built with the students. However, this teacher has still clearly communicated his rules and expectations to the kids. He minimizes confusion and maximizes his instructional time by first, establishing at the beginning of the trimester; who he is, what he stands for, his expectation for the students to act like young adults and they will be treated as such, and what his goal for the students is (to learn about the importance of history and how it relates to their own lives). Additionally, my supervising teacher will explain specific directions before letting the students work on an assignment, whether it be independent or group work. I've noticed that him explaining the procedure before they begin saves a LOT of class time. He engages the students, tells them that the following instructions will be essential to their success on the assignment, explains what the directions are (or, if the directions are explicitly stated on the assignment, he goes over them and expands on any part that he believes the students might have questions about), and they asks the class what questions they have. The students either respond with questions about the rules and procedures, which are then enthusiastically answered by the teacher, or they agree that they understood the directions and are "ready to get rolling," as this teacher would say. The teacher then ensures that the students stay on task and confusion-free by actively walking around the classroom to supervise students, as well as make sure that there isn't any kid who needs help that may be going unnoticed. The kids all seem very willing to ask questions whenever they feel like the rules aren't crystal-clear, and it leads to greater student achievement.
Maintaining students' attention to lessons and engagement in activities:
One example of an activity that I found to be particularly engaging for the students was one that my supervising teacher referred to as, "The Hexagon Activity." The students had been learning about multiple different ideologies, events, people, and time periods across American History. This activity served as a review for the student's final that was coming up. Students were put into groups of four and were given about 30 (closer to 45 or 50 for the honors U.S. history class) pre-made paper hexagons, each with a topic (history-related person, place, thing, or idea) that they had learned about throughout the trimester. Their goal was to find a way to connect all of their pieces in some way, with each hexagon being joined with another on at least one out of the six sides. The students had to really think about what the word(s) on each of their hexagons meant, then make connections, as well as be able to explain their reasoning. There wasn't necessarily one "correct" way to connect all of the hexagons, so long as the students in the group could explain why they put them together the way that they did.
This activity was SO engaging for the students! I was extremely impressed by how on-task they were even though it was 8:00am for some of them! My supervising teacher hit the nail on the head with this activity (as well as many others). It did exactly what he wanted it to do—kept the students academically engaged, managed behavior, and made students think critically.
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So does anyone remember character ask blogs?? Are those still a thing? Do people still... like those? :0
Would people maybe... like one of those for Brotherhood chars + Varian...?
#no end in sight for the hiatus and thinking abt what fandom stuff I can do in the future after my current trade/expression meme#an ask blog might be a lot to maintain... maybe an ask... EVENT?#idk what I wanna do in general#but I'd like to engage with the fandom more#alternatively it might be good to wait to post more until we get S3 news b/c the fandom is rather quiet rn
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Endless Nights
Pairing: Benny Miller x gn!reader (no descriptions or pronouns)
Summary: You and Benny can't seem to get enough of each other's company. Could tonight be the night you find the courage to do something about that crush?
Words: 2,101
Warnings: Nudity but not the sexual kind, food/eating. Almost zero editing and a tired writer.
Notes: I don't always participate in Writer Wednesday, but when I do I take one look at the picture, get an idea and then go completely off the rails. Sorry. So the pic doesn't really have a lot to do with the rest of the fic but I hope that's okay. For this week's @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday, thanks for organizing it every week!
I had the idea for midnight shopping at the supermarket with Benny and then realized I didn't want the night to end there... So it didn't. I actually like this piece, even if it probably suffered a lot from my fast writing and non-existent editing. Reader is mentioned having shorter legs than Benny but other than that I think there are no descriptions or pronouns used of reader, lmk if I'm wrong.
MASTERLIST
You and Benny have been driving around aimlessly for a couple of hours already, taking turns in picking the music, and talking about this and that while sometimes falling into a companionable silence. It still amazes you how easy and comfortable everything is with him. You have never felt like this with a crush before, used to the feeling of always obsessing over what you felt like you could and couldn’t say or do, or spending a lot of time and energy into trying to figure out what the other thought.
No, with Benny you don’t have to pretend anything or force yourself to keep the conversation running in fear of those horrid awkward silences, because both of you know that you can talk for hours on end when the mood strikes. You met through mutual friends only a few weeks ago, but the connection was clearly there. As was the obvious mutual attraction.
Strictly speaking, though, you and Benny are just friends. Nothing has ever really happened to indicate otherwise in any case. But friends don’t usually try this hard to find any excuse just to hang out, nor do you stay up late every night talking to your other friends. And when you hang out in a group you always seem to gravitate towards one another. What’s more, somehow it always seems to be just the two of you left at the end of the night, often not even noticing the others leave.
Your interactions always border on the line of obvious flirting with your touches and already formed inside jokes, but neither of you ever dare do anything that couldn’t be brushed off as innocent behavior between friends. You guess you’re both just kind of scared to take the leap - you have been burned before, and so has he.
It’s not that you doubt your own feelings for Benny, or indeed his feelings for you. Even you have to admit that he does seem pretty interested in you, but you still wave away your friends’ squeals of “he’s totally in love with you!”, mainly not wanting to get your hopes up too much.
Because a small part of you still finds it a little hard to believe; someone so handsome and funny and kind wanting to be with you? What if he likes you, but just not as much as you like him? What if you were just a second choice for someone you really like until something better comes along - again? That scares you, both of you.
Tonight has been like many other nights lately; you had been to the movies with some of your friends, but after the movie ended you had been grasping at straws to come up with a way to continue the night so they (Benny) wouldn’t go home just yet. Benny had helpfully suggested just driving around and seeing if any ideas came to mind.
Santiago in turn had rolled his eyes at you two knowingly (making both you and Benny fluster and try to fake complete nonchalance) before saying good night and leaving with the others, who apparently didn’t feel the compulsive need to continue spending time together.
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The sun has gone down already but you two are still enjoying each other’s company too much to go home yet.
You end up in the 24/7 supermarket parking lot, craving a midnight snack. You are reminded of your teenage years, when you used to hang around different parking lots, popping into the store to buy a soda or a candy bar, spending all day outside with friends.
The only other customers doing their midnight shopping are tired people just off their shifts or young people staying up late just for the hell of it, much like you and Benny are, in fact. You wander around the huge store together, pointing out different products you’d like to try and reviewing stuff one of you already has tried.
Before long you realize that you have already spent almost forty minutes idly wandering around the supermarket, collecting new soda or chip flavors to test. Neither of you thought to grab a basket at the entrance, so your arms are starting to get a bit full.
“Benny, do you think this might be enough?” you ask while struggling to maintain your hold on the different bags of chips.
Benny looks back at you from where he is pondering over whether to get some ice cream. “Huh, I guess. I do still wanna get a sandwich, though!” he exclaims and promptly takes off in the direction of the deli counter where they sell sandwiches and salads left over from the day.
You try to keep up with his long strides, certain that you must look a bit comical half-running after a man with your hands full of treats. Oh, well. Benny often complains about how much focus it requires of him to “modify his steps” to fit your much shorter legs, and he always forgets about it when he gets excited.
When you catch up with him, he has already picked a sandwich for himself and one for you. “I got you salmon, that’s your favorite, right?”
“Yeah, thanks!” you say a little breathlessly after your speed-walk, taken that he remembers.
As you finally get to the cash register and start loading your stuff in your bag you see Benny sneak one more candy bar among the rest of your purchases. For someone in such good physical shape he sure does like his candy.
“Where to next?” Benny inquires as you get back to the car.
“Hmm, how about this one waterfront type swimming spot? It’s pretty secluded, has a pier, and there’s a nice view to the sea. I sometimes like to sit there on the cliffs to watch the sun go down,” you suggest, and offer him directions to the place.
It’s a short drive and you show Benny where to park his car. Even though it’s somewhere around 1 a.m. and the sun went down hours ago, the night is still light enough that you can easily see where you’re going and it doesn’t feel like you’re just sitting in the dark.
You settle down on the small pier with your sandwiches and sodas and chips and munch away happily.
Benny hands you the candy bar you saw him grab earlier at the cash register “for dessert”. It has a cheesy text on the packaging about giving this to someone special. He grins and shrugs, “I know you love these”.
It’s such a simple gesture but you can’t help feeling really flattered and even more smitten with him than you already were. You don’t read too much into the text on the packaging, but even the fact that he would buy you a candy bar he knows you love - just because - warms your heart.
(What you don’t know is that the candy bars have lots of different texts to choose from, and that Benny specifically picked “give this to someone special” instead of “give this to a friend”. There was also “give this to someone you love”, but Benny worried that might scare you off.)
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After you’re both done with snacking you try to think of what to do next, still reluctant to pronounce this night to be over, you get an idea.
“You know what I would really like to do right now?” you ask Benny, looking out over the water that looks so tempting. “Go swim,” you announce, turning to look at him.
“You don’t have a swimsuit with you, do you?” Benny asks, turning to look at you too.
“No… But there’s no one here,” you point out with your eyebrows raised in challenge.
Benny looks at you for a few beats with a blank expression on his face, before shrugging “Alright,” and throwing off his hoodie and t-shirt, jeans following next. “What are you waiting for?” he shouts over his shoulder as he jumps from the pier into the water.
You’re left sitting there with your mouth open, blinking rapidly as you try to catch up with the fast turn of events. Shaking your head, you stand up and shrug off your clothes before quickly running after Benny and getting into the refreshing water.
The night is still warm, and the water feels wonderful. You swim to catch up with Benny.
“You know, it’s pretty dark here but I’ve basically seen you naked now,” he remarks, waggling his eyebrows, and you snort with laughter.
“Benny, you’re not allowed to make me laugh in the water or I’ll drown,” you try to say sternly.
“Oh sweetheart, I wouldn’t let you drown,” he answers in a surprisingly serious voice.
Suddenly the energy between you is full of.. something. Something new and buzzing, sort of scary but also exciting. Something you can’t quite explain. You’re swimming around each other, looking at each other intently, but not daring to say anything that would break the moment and burst the bubble.
Someone else does that for you.
A couple of teenage girls, you’d guess around 18 years old, stumble on to the pier and immediately notice you two in the water. The other girl lets out a shriek and tightens her hold on the towel around her, and before you can even try to reassure them that everything is fine, they run off giggling and shrieking some more. Evidently, they had had the same idea for a nighttime swim but found the place already occupied.
“Yeahhhh, maybe we should put some clothes on before someone calls the police,” Benny suggests dryly.
You two climb out of the water giggling and grinning broadly. You don’t have any towels with you since you didn’t exactly plan this impromptu skinny-dipping session, but Benny gives you his hoodie to help keep you warm.
Sitting back down next to Benny you’re even closer together now than earlier, ever so slowly inching closer and closer to each other. Both of you think you could pass it off as huddling for warmth if the other were to question it, but somehow you know that won’t be an issue.
Soon enough you’re snuggling together on the waterfront overlooking the sea. You stay quietly like that for some time, maybe fifteen minutes, maybe more. It’s hard to tell when the world is so still and quiet around you.
Suddenly you think that this is it, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for. In all honesty you sort of enjoy the pining stage of new relationships, but right now you feel like you might burst if you keep these feelings inside you any longer.
You turn and burrow your head into the crook of his neck and decide that you will have to take the leap now. You start pressing gentle kisses on his neck and hear Benny’s breath hitch at the first contact of your lips on his skin. He goes still as a statue, but you can feel more than hear his unsteady breathing at your actions. You’re practically vibrating with nervous excitement as you work your way up to his jaw and towards his lips.
Taking one final deep breath you close your eyes, not daring to look at Benny in the eye right now, as you bring your lips to meet his.
The kiss is sweet and unhurried, and yet your head is swimming and your whole body is buzzing with it as you melt into each other. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt, which just proves that everything really is different - better - with Benny. You pull away when you find yourself quickly out of breath just from feeling so much.
You finally dare to open your eyes to find Benny gazing at you with a dazed expression that surely mirrors your own and you slowly beam at each other, not feeling the need for words just now. Maybe you couldn’t even find them if you tried.
You settle back against his chest and the two of you stay like that for the rest of the night, sometimes spending long moments just kissing each other, sometimes talking quietly, sometimes just enjoying each other’s presence.
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Around five in the morning, when the sun is already getting up, you finally start to really feel the need for sleep. But this time it doesn’t feel wrong to leave and go home, since you’ll be going home together.
Later that day you wake up to a good morning, sweetheart in Benny’s arms where you fell asleep on his couch, tired but happier than you’ve ever felt in your life.
#benny miller fanfiction#benny miller x reader#benny miller x gn!reader#benny miller x you#triple frontier fanfiction#i still don't know what i'm doing#i accidentally wrote something#writer wednesday#garrett hedlund fanfiction
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Submission: Adjusting expectations
Okay, guys. Wading in here where it’s possible no-one wants me, but … here goes.
We - Kaylors - are in a hard place right now. People feel hurt, they feel hopeless. They feel like they were led on by the likes of Spade. I’m not here to invalidate any of the feelings that come from seeing Karlie and Taylor play out this charade.
But I think we (collectively, as a fandom) need to take a breath and ask if any of this is really as bad or unfixable as we think it is. Because, for me, the recent stunting is hard to stomach but not truly surprising. On some level this is how I expected Karlie and Taylor to handle both the birth of the baby and the launch of the rerecorded albums. As much I wanted to believe in the idea of spring breaking loose and bringing with it a fervent revolution … I could see the pieces still in play on the board and I doubted it was coming.
I think the problem is that there was a split between the optimist and pragmatist sides of the fandom, over the last year or so. To be clear - I’m not judging the optimist side of the fandom. Not at all. Taylor has pulled wildcard moves before, and emotions run so high in all this, especially with a baby involved now, that I don’t blame people for wanting to believe the best. But it reached a stage where some of the things people were trying to talk themselves into were just wildly unrealistic. And when that happens, of course you’re going to get hurt. It’s inevitable.
But let’s really look at this for a second. We should have known that neither Karlie nor Taylor was going to be shaving her beard in March. Ditching Jerk right after or just before the birth would have been too soon for Karlie. It’s not unusual for a celeb marriage to fizzle out within a year of the birth, but before the baby even arrives? That would be weird, and would draw attention just when it seems Kaylor don’t want it. They just had a baby. That’s an adjustment in itself, and Karlie is suffering enough social media hate on top of that. I wouldn’t blame her for just wanting to take a break and lie low during this difficult time. And unfortunately, for Karlie, that means maintaining the status quo of the situation she put herself in with Jerk. She may be doing the bare minimum to maintain it, but if she wants to avoid attention, she has to make it seem like everything between her and her “husband” is normal. And that she’s trying to make it work, which I believe will be important later. Good people try to make it work, even in bad relationships.
Toe wasn’t going anywhere either. Taylor had relied on him so heavily during the promotion of Folklore, with the William Bowery narrative, that she was almost backed into a corner. She had to give some allusion to his air quotes “creative input” and their so-called happy relationship, or her failure to do so would have become the story and overshadowed her night. The headlines would have either been break-up speculation or complaints that she didn’t give him his due. We think the cutesy coverage after she named him in her acceptance speech was bad, but negative headlines have a far longer shelf life and can take on a life of their own. They would have been worse. Whatever we might think of Taylor’s actions, Folklore is one of her best albums and she deserved to have her night.
So, on to the announcement of the birth. This is a tricky one, and again, I completely understand why people reacted so badly against it. It was everything we as a fandom said we didn’t want. It was Jerk using the baby for personal good PR. But I have to be honest here. I always thought we were kidding ourselves believing he would NEVER be seen with the baby or implied to be the father. I do believe Karlie is doing her damnedest to minimize the digital footprint of his involvement and keep her actual baby out of it. But he was always going to get to bask in the glow of playing daddy for a while. It’s the trade off Kaylor made when they used him to shore up their closet.
This is also why I increasingly suspect the timing of the announcement got the green light from Kaylor too. If Jerk was always going to be assumed to be the father of Karlie’s baby, then there was always going to have to be a birth announcement that incorporated him somehow - unless the girls were ready to answer awkward questions, and it doesn’t seem like we’re there yet. So the best way to minimize the damage is to have his moment of glory overshadowed by a bigger win for Taylor. It worked pretty well actually. Even on Kaylor blogs the stunt was mostly buried by Taylor content.
I know a lot of fans feel gaslit by all the hints, but I do think there’s a possibility Taylor really didn’t grasp how hurt Kaylors would be. From her perspective, she “fed” fans three times over that night. She gave us a beautiful performance, a gorgeous red carpet moment, and a win to celebrate. I think it’s possible she really didn’t realize the double whammy of stunting that night would make it all feel worthless for many.
Taylor is in an awkward position. As a consequence of Kaylor retreating into the closet, the support base for them has shrunk. (When I use the words “Kaylor fandom”, I refer to this support base.) I would say Kaylor fandom consists of two parts. There is a silent portion, who observe events and comment anonymously, but don’t say anything “on main”. And then there are the small corps of true believers, who think Karlie and Taylor are still together and the baby is theirs. This latter group do most of the actual talking about Kaylor, but they tend to be pretty battle-hardened. They’ve been around for years, they never believe any of the stunts and their capacity to be hurt by them is, as a result, pretty limited. These Kaylors criticize sometimes, but they tend to fall back in line eventually and mostly adopt a “let’s wait and see how this all shakes out” approach. The problem is that I would say these “chilled” Kaylors are the minority. For their own sanity they curate their blog experience and often don’t post the more negative anons they get. Which is fine, but if you were looking at it from the outside, I could see how it might create an impression that the fandom as a whole can roll with the punches. And for a lot of the silent majority, that’s not the case.
But again, I can see how Taylor might not necessarily know that. She went quiet after the Grammys, when I might have expected more celebratory posts from her. If I had to guess, I’d say she didn’t expect the backlash. I’m especially noticing a backlash against her for allowing Karlie to take so many hits while her own reputation has never been better. And I can’t defend her on that one, except to say I hope she has a plan. But I understand where people are coming from when they say the songs aren’t enough and actions speak louder than words. It’s tough to watch.
Still, we’re in a position we should realistically have been able to see coming. We should have known Jerk wasn’t going to be out of the picture immediately after the birth. This is one of those things nobody likes, but maybe we all just have to be patient on. I don’t see Karlie busting out of the closet to admit her marriage was a fake, or testifying to the FBI. I think she’ll just let her marriage quietly fall apart, as many real marriages did during the pandemic. And for that to work, she needs to make it look like didn’t throw away a family unit lightly. Hence the “I tried” post, the social media break, and the suggestions of spending time with Jerk’s family. All of this can be spun later into a narrative of Karlie having tried to make it work, only to never really be accepted. The hate online affected her mental health and she gradually realized how unhappy she’d become and decided she needed to break free and find her old self again for her baby’s sake. This is the most likely narrative for Karlie’s freedom and it’s one that could work - but it’s going to take time to unfold. Personally, I’m giving it a year. If we don’t see a separation by then, and definitive moves to a reunited Kaylor, I’ll be bowing out. I’ll still know what I believe the truth to be, but I won’t see the need to devote my energy to defending it. ,
Meanwhile, the masters rerecords are about to be released, and Taylor has invested a lot in their success. Because of this, I can’t envision her coming out until at least the big three (Fearless, 1989, and Red) have dropped. She might drop hints, but I don’t expect anything earth-shattering. Even the order of the album releases seems to confirm this. She’s breaking out the big guns first.
I’ve seen people speculate that because Rep can’t be rerecorded until 2022, Taylor will hold off on any coming out until then. And I’m not so sure of that. Yes, people listening to the album for clues would give Scott and Scooter money, but if we’re being honest, a fair amount of people are probably listening to those albums already, regardless of the drama. Those sleazeballs are profiting from Rep, full stop. But if Taylor profits more, from her bigger albums, she still wins. And she can still put out a Taylor’s version of Rep with vault tracks and collabs, to seduce people away from the Big Machine version in early 2022. Honestly, I think there’s a good chance Taylor would consider this is a worthwhile trade-off anyway, if it meant she got to live a more open life with Karlie - and most crucially, begin to repair Karlie’s reputation. As children get older and the world begins to leave the pandemic behind, it becomes harder to live behind closed doors. I guess we’ll find out how Taylor finds the reality of such a life, and what she considers worth sacrificing to step away from it.
All this to say: I can’t predict the future more than anyone else, but I don’t think the situation we’re in now is irreparable, and if we’re being really objective, I don’t think it’s even surprising. I do think Taylor should give us something, if she wants to keep us around. No-one can live on a complete absence of hope, and as I’ve stated, letting the fandom dwindle to this extent has its own dangers. But I think we also need to keep our time frames realistic, even if it means rejecting lifelines like the Spade riddles. We shouldn’t expect Karlie to be free of Jerk for around a year, and we shouldn’t expect Taylor to do anything much beyond general music promo until at least the big three have dropped. Sucks to say it, I know. But at least this way we won’t be disappointed, and if Kaylor do pull a wild card and move towards freedom, we can be pleasantly surprised.
Just my two cents.
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Well written and fair arguments on our reactions and expectations. I had typed up more, but I will let others post their comments before I chime in.
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Spiral
Pairing: Hotch x fem!reader
Summary: you received some life-changing news the day before, now you’re trying to keep focus and get a confession out of an unsub. Keeping focus has never been so hard, with your mind spinning and Hotch sending you further down the rabbit hole. Somehow things get even worse when the psychic unsub announces your news for all to hear.
Note: italics are reader thoughts
Warning: anxiety/panic attack, break down, swearing
Word count: 1.7k
Category: angst(?)
A/N: this is not based on the cm with a psychic. Def channelling my own breakdowns while writing this, I hope it comes off how I intended.
I might do a second part where we learn of Hotch’s and reader’s relationship and we then jump to his reaction
Back story: in my mind the reader and Hotch like each other fucked, it became awkward and here we are
Other blog: @mac99martin
Masterlist
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Fuck psychics, sitting there all-knowing when everyone knows they’re full of shit, you don’t like psychics on normal days, when they’re unsubs, you hate them even more. Fuck psychics.
Ok maybe your new found hate for psychics isn’t totally about them, (although the one in front of you definitely plays a part in it) you may have found out some very stressful, very shocking, life-altering news yesterday and you also may not be dealing with it very well. And by not dealing with it well, you mean not dealing with it at all. You've been avoiding and ignoring it, the rational part of your brain is telling you that this is not something you can ignore, but the other part of your brain is absolutely terrified and is using the case as an excuse not to deal with it. And you are using your dislike for psychics as an outlet for your emotions, is it right? No. is it healthy? No. but it’s helping and you’re freaking out so what are you going to do?
Speaking of not helping, Hotch is with the unsub now. Not only is he not getting anywhere with her, but he is also so horribly distracting. You seriously need to focus but looking at him, all it’s doing is sending you into a spiral. All you want to do is put this unsub behind bars but your mind is fighting with itself: one part actively fighting to keep your brain far away from the topic that will remain nameless and unthought about. The other going in circles of panic and anxiety and terror. The unsub is helping the first, she’s a handy distraction. Hotch is helping the latter, you so much catch a glimpse of him and you revert into the frenzy that is your mind. Fuck, this fucking sucks, ok come on can’t focus on that, you can’t cry or stop breathing that can wait till later, now you need to focus.
And that’s where the loop starts all over again: Focus-Hotch-Spiral-Focus-Hotch-Spiral...
-Focus You’re so lost in the war going on in your mind you completely lose all sense of reality only noticing that Hotch is not only no longer in the integration room when he calls your name.
You try your best to snap out of it and control your breathing, but looking at Hotch, Hotch looking at you, you feel like you're shaking while your body remains perfectly still, your heart is pounding and you stop breathing. Okokok-breathe, focus, what’s going on right now.
“Sorry, what was that?” Ok not bad that sounded pretty normal if you do say so yourself.
“I asked what you thought.” His voice was stern and annoyed but his face looked worried.
Snap. The. Fuck. Out. Of. It. “Oh um,” wait who’s said what, shit I really should have been paying attention. “Well clearly she wasn’t responding to you,” ok pretty good, actually now that you think about it she wasn’t responding to any of the male officers when they arrested her, “and she didn’t respond to the male officer earlier, anytime she talks to a man she becomes confident and flirtatious” Flirting: Hotch-Spiral, Focus “we should see how she reacts to a woman.”
Ok, so you had your ups and downs but all in all that went pretty well. You avert your eyes from Hotch’s, focus focus focus focus… “Ok you’re in.”
“Wh- me?”
“Yes… you.”
You know what? this can be good, small room, nothing to focus on except the case, no Hotch, ya I can do this. You give a nod, pick up your file and walk into the room.
“Hello Ms.Shaw, I’m ssa Y/N Y/L/N.” you look down at your file making a show out of opening it while also keeping an eye on her.
When Hotch entered earlier, doing something similar, she straightened her back and leaned forward, making a show out of her breasts, she half smirked and half-smiled when she looked up at him.
When you introduce yourself she sat back in her seat, crossed her arms and glared at you. Unlike when she saw Hotch, she looked very displeased with you.
You sat down across from her and gave her a smile, she narrowed her eyes and furthered her glare towards you. She eyes you up and down for a second before practically sneering at you, “what do you want”
“I just want to talk” you put simply
Maintaining eye contact she leaned forward “Bet you do”
At this point, with Hotch, she had a smile on her face, enthusiastic to speak with him. Right now, she’s almost challenging you, she’s even getting defensive.
“Probably want to talk about those murders you think I did”
“The murders you did do” you respond all while having a sweet smile on your face. Won’t that just piss her off, and it does.
She just hums in response, her face stone cold, staring you up and down, and then, she smiles, “I think we should talk about you.” She says it almost sweetly but you can tell that there’s mischief behind it.
“Oh?”
“Ya, you’ve been… busy lately…”
you really couldn’t guess where she was going with this at this point, nowhere good so, “as have you” you retort back.
“Hmm, but in different ways,” she smirks
Hell ya in different ways, I’ve been working my ass off and you’ve been murdering people.
“See I’ve been busy working, as a psychic, I use my power to help people, it’s very time-consuming-”
Right power, helping, you don’t have and you don’t do shit
“While you,” she looks you up and down again, “have been getting a very different sort of busy, haven’t you?”
….wh- what is she- what is she even implying right now?
Busy like- and that’s when you’re reminded of your… state. Remembering hits you like a ton of bricks, solely because you had forgotten, the thought has your mind clouded again and your anxiety spiking.
You’re back down a spiral, get back on topic this isn’t the time, “I’m not sure what you're getting at.” Breathe, “Oh come on, you know,” and she looks down again, if the table wasn’t in the way, you would say that she’s looking at your stomach, no no she’s not why would she- how could she- your mind is biased, it was already thinking about that and it jumped to conclusions, get back on topic. You can’t be thinking about this now. -focus.
She leans in but doesn’t lower her voice, glancing up at the mirror, she’s very aware that people are listening in, and she doesn’t mind, “you’re pregnant”
Wtfwtfwtfwtf no no no no, how could she possibly know that, you just found out, it’s not like your showing, she can’t know, how the fuck did she know that?
She can see it all over your face, your mind is jumbled with thoughts again and you’re freaking out.
She just sat back and smiled watching you break down, but she wasn’t done yet.
The people behind the mirror couldn’t see your face to see how bad you’re freaking out, that mixed with their own shock, they weren’t helping, not that they nor you would know how they would help.
“You looked surprised that I know that, you doubt my skills” skills- what- psychic- whatever
“Or maybe you’re just in shock, you just found out recently right,” she clicks her tongue, “must be quite the surprise.” You feel so overwhelmed, this was supposed to get you away from all of that, your spiralling again, unable to pull yourself out of your break down that has been going on since you found out. Once again just the thought, the reminder, has you feeling like you can’t breathe, like you're going to be sick, like your head is spinning. “I can see this is a lot for you, but I think you’re forgetting one thing,”
Spiral-spiral-spiral forgetting? Wha- wh- spiral-spiral-spiral-Hotch
Your heart stops, you look her dead in the eye, you can see it, the mischief, she knows, she opens her mouth to say something- “SHUT UP” you stand up and yell at her. You’re panicked and desperate,
Your outburst shocks everyone behind the mirror, but it only makes her smile wider, “what you don’t want everyone to know?”
“STOP” your losing it
“Or you don’t want him to know?”
(ok fine, maybe she is psychic)
“SHUT UP” you scream, your voice is cracking and your breaking
“What you don’t want everyone to know your pregnant and that one of them got you-”
“STOP!” You slam your hand on the table and your eyes are watering.
Morgan busts through the door, taking you into his arms and steering you out of the interrogation room and into the viewing room, only giving the unsub a glance as he slams the door behind him.
Once you are in the viewing room you turn away from your team, your eyes still glossy, you’re shaking, you can barely breathe, that panic attack-mental breakdown you’ve been putting off, it’s finally catching up to you, and your feeling every second of the overwhelming… you don’t even know, just everything, and still trying to hold it in as you hyperventilate and remember the people around you.
You do your best to hold in your emotions for a little longer as you go to leave the room, away from people. You hear Derek’s voice, “how much of that was true?”
One more second one more second one more second,
In out, in out, in out, “every word” is all you get out before you lose it and you basically run away.
“Shittt,” the event weighs heavy on the team’s mind as they make sense of what just happened, “well, it wasn’t me.” Morgan, trying to lighten the mood best he can
The team looks around the room “Well it certainly wasn’t me” Rossi horrified at what has just played out in front of him
Spence's face goes absolutely red when Derek looks at him; he doesn’t have to say anything because as hotch speed walks out of the room, it is very clear who the father is.
“Shitttt”
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Tags: @spencers-renaissance @averyhotchner
(I’ll tag anyone in part 2 who asks for it in the comments😘😘)
#aaron hotchner x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x y/n#criminal minds x reader#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotchner x you#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fanfiction#hotch x y/n#hotch x you#hotch x reader#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner fanfiction#Aaron hotchner fanfic#aaron hotchner angst#criminal minds self insert#Cm#cm#bau reader#bau!reader#bau x you#bau x y/n#bau#aaron hotchner x female reader#Aaron hotchner x fem!reader#criminal minds x female reader#FTOLfic
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Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 1)
And we’re back with many more ask answers! Thank you for waiting.
Is lizzie/the main character tripping over a rock a random event in barbecue? or does it require certain choices? i picked the same choices in multiple different playthroughs but ended up with three different outcomes (1. nothing happens 2. liz trips 3. i trip)
Yep! It’s completely random. Just a little moment of life you don’t have control over, haha.
wait just double checking you stated that derek would be another romantic interest you can pursue in step 4 right??? im just asking cuz hes my fav character
oh wait and btw i was the one that asked the question about derek being in the step 4 just now, and will you have to pay extra for like a dlc or something bc i play the free version rn and i just wanted to check!!
Yeah, you will eventually be able to romance him, but unfortunately it is a paid DLC. Cove is the only love interest who’s entirely free-to-play. You can follow our social media for when we giveaways for a chance to win a key for it, though.
i know that y’all said the step 3 dlc and step 4 will be released early 2021, is there any update to that? for example, a rough amount of days/weeks until release? no pressure at all, i’m super excited!! <3
The Step 3 DLC will be about in maybe two-two and half months or so. Step 4, we’re not entirely sure. Maybe a few months after the Step 3. We don’t want to give set dates until we’re really close to the release since otherwise we wouldn’t be able to 100% guarantee them.
First off love the game. Second I'm a little confused on how the nsfw dlc is gonna work. Because based on some stuff you've said it sounds like a patreon only thing and others make me think it could be an itch/steam thing after the fact? Would you mind clarifying for me 😅. Also if it's a patreon only thing do you need to become one before it's released?
It’s not going to be on Steam/Itch. The actual game of Our Life is safe for teens with no adult content. Any 18+ stuff we’re releasing is separate bonus content. Right now the only for sure plan is having it available through Patreon. If there’s another hosting site that’s not Steam or Itch that’d be easier for people than Patreon we might consider uploading it there too, but nothing else is set.
If you want the bonus Moment you’d have to join once it’s already out or sometime after the release. Joining now would get you our current rewards, but wouldn’t get you future content that’s coming later.
this is probably an awkward question and i apologize, feel free not to answer, but i just wanted to address the elephant in the room....will step 4 acknowledge covid/2020 world events?? i kind of hope not bc i'd like to just exist in a fictional version of the world where things are happy in this quaint seaside town and the world isn't falling apart, but i'd understand if there are some references to it. just thought i'd ask so i can Prepare if that makes sense
Step 4 isn’t going to include Covid or even reference it. When we set Step 4 in that year we definitely didn’t know there’d be a global pandemic during it. It’s too late to move the timeframe earlier or later, but we’re not going to make Step 4 stressful for anyone because the real world became so much more stressful. The universe of Our Life will just be an even more idealized place than it was before.
hiiiii! i'm really sorry if this is a bother. i was just curious if cove has a canon setting for each step, like is it canon that he stays candid the whole game and is super sporty for instance and the rest are variations? thank you for your time!
None of those settings are canon. They’re all equally valid.
I love the game and Cove so much that I ended up spending most of the holidays playing it. Definitely worth it! Idk if you're taking suggestions/criticisms, but I chose the peach skin tone and seeing it written as "my peach skin" in the game broke immersion for me because I kept thinking it was referring to the fruit instead of my skin color. I think that skin color is most commonly referred to as "fair" but "peachy" or "rosy" would work too if you're looking for a different word
Thank you for sharing your experience. We’ll change it to “peachy” in the next update!
So I accidentally overwrote a save file with a different one, is there any way I can recover that save?
Sadly, there isn’t. Not unless you had a backup of the actual save file files in a separate location you can get. I’m really sorry. You can try using the skip feature to quickly speed through the game and get back to where you were though.
Do you try to maintain the color scheme for the clothing throughout the years in Our Life?
Yes, though in hindsight not as much as I wished I did, haha. It could’ve been a little more cohesive. It was a bit too broad in my opinion.
I noticed that Cliff mentions he wasn’t much older than Cove before finding out he was going to be a father when he finds MC in bed with Cove during Part 3 so doesn’t that Cliff and Kyra were teenage/young parents?
Yeah, Cliff was nineteen and Kyra was eighteen when Cove was born. They were just a couple of kids.
Does Cove have a favourite holiday?
It changes depending on the year. Around Step 1 he’s not a huge fan of a lot of holidays because he’s not together with his whole family for them. But once he’s older and Kyra comes around more, he starts appreciating major family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas more than other holidays because he knows how it feels not to have that. Though summer vacation is of course his most favorite all the time, if that counts as a “holiday”.
I tried to join your patreon but I can’t seem to? The website keeps saying something went wrong and to try again.
I’m sorry you’re having trouble! I think contacting Patreon support would probably be the best option if the joining process itself is having issues.
How much is it to become a part of your Patreon? I don’t have a lot of money currently but would love to help you out more than just buying the games and dlcs.
Aw, I appreciate you wanting to support but the Patreon is really optional. You don’t need to push yourself to join if you don’t have extra funds for it. To still answer the question, the tiers are $1, $5, $10, $15, and $20 in USD. Each come with different perks.
I had this idea for a future daughter for the MC and Cove being named "Poppy", after the flowers on their hill~
That’s a really sweet idea! I’m sure Cove would be a fan.
So if you don't mind me asking, how do you get Cove to propose to you in Step 4 and not the other way around?
I’m afraid that’d be too big of a spoiler to give away before the epilogue’s release, at least in terms of specifics. Generally you’ll just have to be patient and try not to propose first, haha.
will we get to move in with cove in step 4 😮?? or is that a secret
You can be living together with Cove in Step 4! Though you wouldn’t get to see the place itself. That’s up to your imagination.
Is it bad that I'm completely in love with Cove's dad... What I gotta pay to romance Cliff 😭 (I don't mean as Jamie because that would be wack)
That’ll cost one million 20 twenty dollar bills, haha. I’m really glad you like him, though sadly we aren’t able to make a separate game where you can romance Cliff. I wish we had enough time to make tons of new scenes/extra stories in the Our Life world, but it just takes too long. Maybe people will make fanworks about it.
—–
We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask.
FAQ
Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog
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Hi! I found your stories on a ficrec list for Eomer/Lothiriel and WOW!!! MUCH LOVE!!!!! I can't wait to read more wonderful stories from you! Can I ask what got you into this pairing, and what draws you to them? Also: any headcannons about them? (Physical/personality/hobbies/etc.)
Hi there! I am so glad to hear you like my stories. :)
I would say that I got to Éothiriel thanks to Éomer. I can't say I fell in love with him straightaway - I was your typical Aragorn fangirl back in the day (mind you, he’s still one of my favourite characters in the legendarium). I had always enjoyed the bits with Rohan in particular, and the more I watched the films, the more I liked Éomer, and once I had read the books a couple of times, I realised there was so much more to this guy. I loved his integrity, his unashamed passion, his loyalty and devotion to his family and friends, and how he strives to do better and learn.
His arc in the books is such a fascinating one. He starts out as a scion of one of the leading families of Rohan (and is a son of a princess, no less), but is orphaned along with his sister at an early age, and then raised by the King himself. What kind of a trauma did that loss leave him with, and how did it affect his relationship with his sister? Were his teenage years very difficult thanks to this? At the time of the events of LOTR, he’s a fairly young man - among the youngest of the entire cast - and yet he has this hugely important duty as the Third Marshal of the Mark. He’s passionate but also ready to put himself and his own needs aside in order to do what’s right. The whole House of Eorl dynamics are just so fascinating, even though a lot of it happens outside the actual narrative of LOTR. What are his relationships with his uncle, his cousin, and his sister? How does this partnership with Théodred grow (to the point of Saruman seeing these two as the chief obstacle of the easy conquest of Rohan)? What does it feel like to watch his beloved uncle fall under the influence of ill-intended counsels (not to mention the threat of Wormtongue against Éowyn)? Éomer is portrayed as a fairly temperamental guy, so I can only imagine the fury he must feel at the situation.
But then Théodred dies, the noose tightens around everybody’s throats, and one may just imagine the desperation and dread he must feel at this point. He’s still figthing and trying to do the right thing, even if that may now mean treason. But he’s still friendly to Aragorn and co. when they meet, recognising them as an opportunity to help Rohan almost immediately.
He’s so loyal to his family that even after he’s been disgraced and humiliated by Wormtongue by the proxy of Théoden, he still knows where the true malice is coming from, and is ready to fight again for his uncle the moment he’s released. And he slips straight back to being the King’s lieutenant without even blinking his eyes.
There’s also how Éomer becomes king. I’m fascinated with what it would feel like to him. I mean, he’s been second in line to the throne his whole life, so he probably always realised there’s a chance he’ll be king one day. But the circumstances he comes to the throne - the near ruin of his country, the tragic and violent death of his cousin he might have been able to prevent if not for Wormtongue, the brief time he has with his restored uncle, and then the whole mess of the War of the Ring... all that must feel pretty surreal for him. And, of course, the Battle of Pelennor’s fields, and his scenes in it... wow. Him nearly losing his mind over thinking his sister (and whole family) is dead, charging like a madman over the field, composing some pretty amazing poetry in the spur of the moment, and then just laughing in sheer defiance against what seems like imminent death. What a dude.
And then there are so many other interesting aspects: how he must have felt over those long years (was he unhappy? was he lonely?), what he expected his life to be versus what it turned out to be, and what it did to him to watch his family leave one by one. I could go on, but then we would be here whole day.
So, enter Lothíriel. Of course I was eager to know what happens to Éomer after the war is over, and fortunately, Tolkien had an answer ready - although he could really have told us more about them! Not that in canon there is anything to imply it was a love marriage, but personally, I don’t think that a man with a disposition like Éomer would submit to a loveless or faithless marriage (or that he’d risk his relationship with Imrahil by being faithless). I just can’t see it happening. Also I just want him to be happy, and find someone who brightens up his days, someone who won’t leave him. It’s nice to imagine him having a new start with her.
Sadly, of her personality I can’t say anything that would be indicated by canon, but if we imagine her being anything like her father, then she might be a proud, strong and brave woman. Well, she would probably have to be courageous to leave her homeland for marriage (another reason I think it was a love union, because I want her to be happy, too)! I like to imagine her finding some unexpected, unimagined freedom in Rohan, perhaps even fulfilment of ambition in her role as a queen. Also, maybe with her background and if she had access to some kind of education, she’d be uniquely qualified to helping Éomer to rule and counseling him. Perhaps she even feels some personal pride over the fact that together, they are starting a new dynasty (or a new line) to rule in Rohan. Also, having a fairly big family, I think she would be well equipped to show him the love he has missed most of his life.
I recall at some point reading the appendix about the House of Eorl, and that Éomer married Imrahil’s daughter, Lothíriel, and thinking yes, this makes sense. It’s just the sense I gleaned from the interactions and circumstances of the story. Of course Éomer would have strong feelings for Imrahil, since he was the one who saw that Éowyn was still alive and hastened her delivery to safety. Being a man of strong emotions, I think Éomer would hold Imrahil and his entire family in high regard thanks to this. Maybe it’s even a ground from which some attachment did grow between him and Lothíriel. Also, Rohirrim are a culture based on horses, and apparently the Princes of Dol Amroth also maintain a cavalry (the Swan Knights who, with Imrahil, took part in the Battle of Pelennor fields). So I see there definitely being a lot of points of connection!
Of course, it also fits the socio-political frame we are left with at the end of the story: the new unity among the Free Peoples, the task of rebuilding after the war, and this new blooming of the friendship between Rohan and Gondor. On a purely logical level, it is reasonable that he’d marry the daughter of a powerful house like Imrahil’s. But for my purely headcanonish “aesthetic” (if that’s even the right word) reasons I do like the contrast these two make: their different cultures (and all that they entail from songs and poetry to foods and habits), their union as the union of earth and sea, his gold to her silver, the warrior and the lady... also this is purely headcanon/tropes but I definitely think of them as tol/smol and embodying the pair where A is the reason B began to smile again. (Tol/smol is at least half canon because Éomer is apparently as tall as Aragorn, like 6 feet 6 if I recall right. Since he’s also a professional warrior, he’s probably built like it too.)
So, yeah - I guess that’s already a lot of reasons for why I love this pair! There’s just so much potential there, so many avenues to pursue, and so much food for imagination. If you’re interested in more of my headcanons, you could try searching the tag “Éothiriel” in my blog - I’ve got plenty of posts about them!
Thanks for the ask, and sorry for this answer being so long! I rather got carried away and Éomer deserves every bit of the love he gets, and so does Lothíriel.
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Bre’s Boys Preference: How They React to Another Person Checking You Out
Caspian X: He tries to play it off, his displeasure at the other man’s attentions to you, but you can see it on his face. If he’s especially unhappy, he’ll put an arm around you as you walk, or kiss the top of your head as you talk, just subtly showing that you’re with him, and that he’s with you, and if he senses even a hint of discomfort from you, he won’t hesitate to step in.
Logan Delos: Like, he gets it... You’re hot as hell; he stares at you all day long. And also, it’s Logan--he is eye candy personified, so he understands that you’re gorgeous and people are going to check you out, but he’s also like “she’s with ME”, so Logan will put a hand on your ass while the person is checking you out, and when the person starts getting uncomfortable, Logan will turn and toss him a wink...because he’s a little shit.
Billy Russo: Ohhhhh, he does not like that shit at ALL. His dark eyes are narrowed as he watches the guy watch you, and the more he stares, the angrier Billy gets. If he’s at an event and has to maintain a certain image, than he’ll settle for just keeping you close, maybe making a point to touch you a little more to show that you were with him. But if it’s just on the street, and his patience has reached it’s max, Billy is going to straight up look the guy in the eye, stalking over to him like the freaking panther he is, and calmly, but lowly ask “you got a problem?” And the offender would deny any problem and scurry off. Billy, however, takes note of what direction he goes off in and memorizes his face for later use...
Jax Teller: Cocks an eyebrow, smirks, swaggers right up to the guy and says: “You know it’s rude to stare, bro”. The guy will probably try to save face, but Jax ain’t having it. He’ll tell the guy to keep his eyes to himself, or he’ll have to deal with Jax. All the while, he never stops smirking down at him.
Angel Reyes: “Yo, you got a problem? What you lookin’ at, homie?” Walks over to the guy in three big steps, gets all in his face. “Nah, nah, don’t try to walk away now, I saw you lookin’ at my girl, wassup?” Angel is NOT letting it go, like, he’s understanding (to a point) in a quick, cursory glance, but he hates when guys straight up stare at you, undressing you with their eyes. He doesn’t bother making it a point that you’re with him, he straight up questions the guy as to what his problem is. “Ok, well, on your way out, don’t forget to apologize.” he says, glaring over at him. The guy stammers out an apology to Angel, and Angel laughs. “Nah, not to me--to her.”
Coco Cruz: He’s immediately on edge. His whole body tenses up, and anyone within a mile’s radius can feel the shift in the air as Coco stares at the guy staring at you. Think of a cat with it’s tail up and all the hairs standing up--that’s Coco. He glares, unblinking, at the guy for several moments before the guy takes his eyes off of you and notices. Then the dude is backtracking quick, trying to pretend he was looking past you or getting out his phone and looking away. Depending on his mood, Coco might just drape an arm around your shoulder and continue to glare at the guy while you go on about your business, or he might go over to the guy and get in his face. “Yo, you keep lookin’ at my girl, it’s startin’ to piss me off, homie. We got a problem?” Either way, you’re getting f***** that night when you get home.
Miguel Galindo: He’ll arch an eyebrow, turning his entire body to watch the guy watch you. He’s actually a little amused, like, this guy is staring at you like you’re a Goddess--and you are, but you have no idea that the guy even exists. He’ll watch the guy for a while before walking over to you, and he’ll press a soft kiss to your cheek as he puts his hand on your waist, and when he does, he flashes both the fancy watch on his wrist, and the sterling silver gun on his hip. The next time he looks up, the guy is gone. Miguel will make eye contact with Nestor, who will shake his head and smile, and as the day goes on, Miguel keeps count of all the envious looks he gets from men because he--and no one else--has you on his arm.
Nick Amaro: Yes, Nick is a detective. Yes, he is a professional. Yes, he is a father... But he’s also a Crazy Jealous Guy. So when he notices guys staring at you (and oh man, he notices), he tries to keep it together, he really does. But he hates the idea of men looking at you as an object, and he hates the fact that they’re probably thinking dirty thoughts about the woman he loves. So Nick will usually stay close to you, glaring over at anyone who stares for too long. Sometimes he’ll look over at the guy and just ask “you need something, man?” and that will get him to go away. Other times, Nick will just loudly point out that he’s a cop in a totally casual comment, and that gets the guys to scatter.
Johnny Tuturro: He’s a tie between amused and annoyed. Like, he gets that he’s with a fine ass woman, and he can’t blame people for staring--hell, he did his share of staring at you before you were a couple--but it rubs him the wrong way when people are staring too hard. But Johnny has to deal with a lot of violence and nonsense in his job, so his solution is simple: just be there. He’ll stay with you, enjoying your company with his arm around you, making you laugh and keeping you close, and usually that deters the starers. Either way, he gets to put his hands on you, and he’s always down for that.
Rio: Ohhh. The King of Pettiness is amused. He stands with his hands in front of him (you know what stance I’m talking about), with his head titled a bit to the side and a smirk on his lips. Rio knows you’re a beautiful woman, he knows guys (and girls) are gonna check you out, but most importantly--he knows that you’re his, and that you’re loyal to him. So he ain’t worried. After a while, though, he can’t help but show off. Like, he has you. He played the game of love, and he WON. He got you! So Rio will swagger over to his, his steps calm and cool, and just stand in front of you. As he talks to you, his voice low and intimate, he’d reach up and caress your face--just a soft, possessive gesture that would make anyone watching now that you were off-limits. Of course...the tats and general look of “don’t fuck with me” he has also helps make his point, TBH
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Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think! Also, I conned the term “Bre’s Boys” myself, and I’m proud of it lol. Also--taglist ppl, can you let me know if you got a notification for this or if you just saw it on my blog?
Everything Taglist: @sweetybuzz25 @mrsjaxtellerfan @rhabakoli @encounterthepast @realduckvader @justvnash @knowles-morgan @ateliefloresdaprimavera @evanlys19 @nyxxnoxx @carlaangel86 @luminex3 @jigsawlover10 @gollyderek @otomefromtheheart @lexxierave @crushed-pink-petals @amethyst09 @falsehopesndreams @a-dorky-book-keeper @witchygagirl
#caspian x reader#logan delos x reader#Billy Russo x reader#jax teller x reader#angel reyes x reader#coco cruz x reader#miguel galindo x reader#nick amaro x reader#rio x reader#johnny tuturro x reader#bre's boys#bre's boys preferences
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Big 2 Comics Terminology for Beginners
As a kid trying to get into comics there were a lot of terms being used in regards to Marvel and DC that I didn’t really understand. When I would ask other more knowledgeable people who had been around longer to explain, I typically got condescending looks of pity. “Oh God a newbie” was the thought clearly flowing through their head. Those in the know didn’t have any interest in explaining to those outside how things worked, all the better to keep the fandom “pure”.
In the interest of providing an explanation for terms crucial to understanding how the Big 2 operate, and as a way to kick off this blog, I thought I’d try my hand at explaining what the many words used when talking about DC and Marvel actually mean. That way when I use the words you know what I mean and you’re not confused by how I’m using these words.
Bear in mind that some people will use multiple words interchangeably, all the better to confuse you with. I believe the following definitions will provide the most clarity however.
Continuity - This word is crucial to understanding the words that follow so we’ll start with it. At it’s most basic, continuity means the stories that are acknowledged and built upon by the stories that come after as having “happened”. For example, over at Marvel, Stan Lee and Steve Dikto’s origin issue of Spider-Man in Amazing Fantasy #15 is still in continuity. When writers and artists do flashbacks to Peter Parker’s origin, that issue is what they are referencing. In contrast, the Siegel and Shuster Action Comics #1 issue that contained Superman’s origin is no longer in continuity. Superman was not found by a passing motorist, raised in an orphanage, and had his powers as a baby. That’s no longer in continuity, stories in the mainline won’t reference it as having “happened”.
Continuity is a tricky beast at the Big 2, warped by reboots, retcons, reveals, and just plain old passage of time. The Big 2 are obsessed with trying to keep continuity accessible and understandable to new readers, hardcore fans are obsessed with making sure their favorite stories are referenced and maintained as “important” and having “happened”. This tug of war, as you might imagine, causes problems.
Canon - This word designates the stories that are in continuity. A “canon” story happened, “matters”, is referenced to, and is built upon.
Reboot - Here’s a big one. If you’re a fan of DC you know this word. You’ve probably heard it used several times to describe everything from the New 52, to DC You, to Rebirth, to Infinite Frontier. However the only one to me that actually qualifies as a reboot is the New 52.
Reboots take a well known franchise and starts it over from the beginning. Basically it’s as if a franchise is debuting for the first time with none of the previous stories mattering at all. Or at least that’s supposed to be the intention, in practice it’s not that simple. There are actually two sub-types of reboots: hard and soft.
Hard Reboot - This is what a reboot is “supposed” to be. A clean slate upon which writers can start over from scratch. None of the previous stories are taken to have happened, none of the previous character development is in play, the old relationship statuses aren’t where the characters are now, characters can have any of their traits (race, sexuality, gender, personality, etc) changed, etc. In short anything goes. This is what DC did for Justice League for the New 52. The team had a totally new origin, a new roster where a mainstay like Martian Manhunter was swapped out for Cyborg, Cyborg was never a Titan and was a founding League member, etc. Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash, and Cyborg all got hard reboots.
Soft Reboot - This is where things get confusing. Basically it’s a reboot... but not really. The intent is the same, start over, but some stories carry over, some character development holds true still, etc. Basically trying to have your cake and eat it too. With the New 52, both Batman and Green Lantern got soft rebooted. Bruce was no longer and older 30-40 year old guy, now he was in his late twenties like the rest of the League, and all his old pre-Flashpoint continuity got carried over, except somehow compressed to have taken place in 5 years. Also he never wore the old costumes (such as the old blue cape and cowl with the yellow oval Bat-symbol). Green Lantern carried over likewise, Hal was younger and everything from Johns run or referenced by Johns run still “happened”. Somehow. Even though stuff like Blackest Night didn’t make any damn sense anymore, that happened, just not the way it actually happened in the Blackest Night issues you read.
You may notice that the two franchises that didn’t get rebooted were the two that were doing just fine Pre-Flashpoint sales-wise and critics-wise. Shocker I know. Reboots are intended to revive struggling franchises that are suffering from creative decay, and are in need of dramatic shake-ups.
Relaunch - Often confused with reboot, this word actually means something different. Relaunches typically aren’t about wholesale erasure of continuity. Instead what they mean is DC and Marvel take a bunch of their ongoing series and restart the numbering while also swapping around the creative teams. So if you’re reading Hulk #210 written by Al Ewing and drawn by Aaron Kuder (this is just a made up example), when the relaunch hits, next month you may be reading Hulk #1 by Ewing and Kuder, or you might be reading Unstoppable Hulk #1 by Ewing and Kuder, or Ewing and a new artist, or maybe even a new writer and artist creative team all together!
Very clear and non-confusing I know. However the previous run you were reading before the relaunch still happened, and is still in continuity. Relaunches are typically used to advertise big new changes in direction. Stuff like Otto Octavious becoming Spider-Man or Jane Foster becoming Thor, that’s stuff that typically leads to a new #1, at least at Marvel.
Marvel NOW! is an example of a relaunch. Bunch of old ongoings got relaunched with new #1′s, creative teams got shuffled around, and also new series got announced which is typical for relaunches. Note that reboots also typically coincide with relaunches, as happened at DC with the New 52, but not always. The Post Crisis reboot did not result in Action Comics or Detective Comics getting relaunched for example.
Retcon - These are when stories go back and change the events of previous stories. Stuff that was previously thought to be true no longer is, relationships are changed, characters are modified, etc. However the stories still happened, just not the way we thought they did when we read them. Perfect example of this is one of the most hated retcons ever, One More Day. This story ended with Peter and MJ never having been married. All the previous stories still happened, but they were just boyfriend/girlfriend living together and not husband and wife. It’s the perfect example of how retcons can piss readers off.
But retcons don’t always have to piss people off. One of the best received retcons was Alan Moore retconning that Swamp Thing was a living plant who absorbed Alec’s memories and merely thought he was Alec. In reality he was something else entirely. All of the previous Swamp Thing stories still happened, they were still canon and in continuity, but our understanding of them changed.
Reveal - This is when the readers are made aware of something that changes the context of the story they’ve been reading. All retcons are reveals but not all reveals are retcons. How to explain the difference? Here’s how I define the difference between the two:
A retcon is when a writer changes something that the writer previously thought to be true. This could be one writer retconning another, or a writer retconning themselves. For example George Lucas retconned that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father Anakin. That was not the intention when he made A New Hope, the two were separate characters. Another retcon is when Geoff Johns revealed that Superboy/Kon-El was the hybrid clone of Superman and Lex Luthor. That was not the original intention when Kon was created by the writers who created him.
A reveal is when the writer changes something that the readers thought to be true. A previously heroic appearing character is actually a villain in disguise, and they were always intended as such. See Terra in Wolfman and Perez’s Teen Titans for an example.
I think that’s enough for one post, I may make another intro post to explain other terminology, but this feels like a pretty good place to stop for now.
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Hey. Hope you're well.
I just needed some perspective and clarity on a couple of things, so thought I should ask someone who I feel blogs the best ;)
Someone mentioned that it wouldn't have been a big deal that Tarlos did not kiss IF there had not been a kiss between a straight couple. Now, this got me thinking. Do you feel this is a valid point, or am I overthinking here?
Also, I came across some tweets criticising Carlos and some even felt it warranted a break up. Why do you think some fans (although in the minority) show less love towards Carlos Reyes? (I don't even know how it's possible!) Again, I might be oversensitive here, but I do feel that it is the case.
Thank u!
i read this ask about an hour and a half ago. i really had to think on this one.
let’s start with the lack of kiss in the tarlos scene.
i, personally didn’t really notice the lack of kiss until someone pointed it out to me, and even then, i didn’t attribute it to the marjan and salim kiss either, and here is why, as blatantly as i can state it:
the situation didn’t really call for it.
not every couple goes from having a fight to kissing as if nothing happened. there was so much to unpack in that scene; so much baggage thag carlos and tk both were carrying. i think the gentle hand holding was about as real as it could get. ronen and raf always talk about ryan murphy and representation, how these people are normal and careful and exist in their own worlds. tk and carlos were doing normal couple things; maintaining physical contact, communicating. if there was a kiss in that scene, tk would not have been the one to pursue it. he would back off and let carlos take the reigns, and he did. carlos’s mind was reeling; he was panicking, thinking he had just lost his lover, and he was still trying to find himself in that relief.
maybe they kissed later, but that scene really didn’t seem like it needed it.
marjan and salim’s kiss was almost representative of what they were feeling; how they were feeling, and was there to emphasize how much they actually did love each other; to make the viewer experience that heartbreak when she turned him down. it was there to pull the audience in, and crush their hearts for marjan. it was necessary.
thinking character motives is important yall.
now, onto people ??? trashing carlos???
i may get a little heater here but bear with me.
carlos reyes went through something that traumatized him. it doesn’t matter how small the event was, or even how long it played out, carlos was clearly in a state where seeing his parents at the market caused him to close himself up and put up walls and constantly deflect.
in the fight scene, carlos deflected until tk flat out told him what he was thinking; what scared him. he went from “yeah, hr would definitely have their hands full with that one,” to: “that’s not true,” to, “i just don’t wanna rub their noses in it.”
it’s kind of obvious that he was trying to stay closed off because he has so many pent up emotions and anxieties, but as soon as tk told him that he thought carlos didn’t want to, because he was ashamed of him, carlos rushed to pick up the pieces and dug himself deeper.
he’s not a bad person. he’s just traumatized and afraid.
also, canonly they are 5 MONTHS into this relationship, and carlos, we are figuring out, has a lot of stuff about him that tk doesn’t know. you can’t rush that; you’ve got yo let it happen naturally.
so, to the people trashing carlos, warranting a breakup, ask yourself why carlos did what he did, and responded how he responded. do you still think he deserved it?
this is such a wonderful, layered ask! thank you so much for asking!
#911 lone star#tk strand#carlos reyes#tarlos#911 lone star spoilers#trick talks lone star#trick talks tarlos#trick psychoanalyzes lone star characters#trick explains the ep#i love y’all#thank you for asking#i love you all#kith
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John’s wedding is a crime scene - Part V
I’ve already talked a lot about what ‘crimes’ might have been committed in Sherlock’s ‘reality’ around John’s wedding in TSoT, so now I think it would be interesting to analyse some events that might have lead up to these ‘crimes’, and also how Sherlock might interpret them in his Mind Palace.
This idea occurred to me after a new discussion surged regarding Part IV of this meta series - a discussion which you can find here (X). (To anyone who prefers to start from the beginning of the series, here are the previous parts: Part I, Part II, Part III). In one of the additions, @lukessense was talking about TLD and asked the following questions:
Sherlock gets beaten by John, because he blames him for killing Mary and asks him if this is a game to him (Sherlock thinks he ‘killed’ Mary because he…flirted with John? Or what is the game here? The game of not confessing? The game of unanswered questions about their feelings?).
These things have been puzzling me too, and I’m not sure about the answers in any sense. The following is just my very subjective opinion, and there could certainly exist a lot of alternate explanations. But I’ll try to lay out my view of it all here - in an emotional context - and see how S4, in particular TLD, can relate to John’s wedding and to other events before it.
The Macho Game
Continued under the cut
First of all: what is ‘The Game’ we see played out in the show actually about? I think The Game is basically between Sherlock and John and it’s about not admitting to (romantic) emotions; it’s a sort of ‘macho’ game where the first one to show the ‘weakness’ of being in love with the other one loses. They can dance around each other for ages, but none of them will lower their guard first and risking the harsh destiny of unrequited love and abandonment and consequently be seriously hurt (’killed’) - risking to have their heart burned.
In Sherlock’s view, to fall in love is to lose all power and control over your own life - hence the constant death metaphor for it in his mind. To confess to feelings is to bare your throat to the attack of the ‘enemy’ - and the enemy is Love; in Sherlock’s eyes the culprit of much of the suffering in this world.
Why is this ‘game’ so important to maintain for Sherlock? Because emotions is such a scary, unreliable and stigmatising thing, especially between two men, and they have to be kept at bay. I think Sherlock is against them on the surface because they interfere with the logical reasoning in his work, but in reality he’s scared as h*ll of them because of his childhood (and maybe youth) traumas. I would guess something really bad happened to him, probably involving Victor Trevor and maybe also his parents.
Sherlock’s aim is to be on top of all that, to never feel doubt of his own capacity and to never give in to the dangerous dominance of emotions. His way of doing this has unfortunately been to repress all affectionate emotions which he sees as a threat. But this ’strategy of survival’ has also damaged him gravely. And inside himself, a part of him is still fighting against it.
My view of John is that he has probably been raised in a homophobic and even abusive ‘macho’ environment/family and been taught to look down on LGBTQ people, hence his gay sister’s problems with alcohol. He’s a very reserved guy who rarely talks about how he feels. He struggles with the duality of his sexual orientation and with fear of society’s condemnation of the gay side of it (”people will talk”). He may think he has a ’liberal’ view of these things (”...which is fine, by the way”), but John also believes he needs to live up to conventions and social expectations, at least on the surface, in spite of never actually having his heart in it.
John engages in this ’macho game’ with Sherlock because he’s also very confused about his own emotions. On one hand he’s both sexually attracted to and deeply in love with Sherlock, but on the other he’s afraid of what these feelings are doing to him. He thinks there’s ’something wrong’ with him for feeling this way about Sherlock. But he’s also an adrenaline junkie; he can’t resist danger. His worst nightmare is to openly confess his (romantic) love to Sherlock, only to then be abandoned by this ’un-feeling psychopath’ and left with the stigma of coming out, but with no-one to support him. I see it as unlikely that John will make the first move to break this ’dance’, unless he has reason to feel sure about Sherlock being there for him.
False conclusions
Now, even if S4 is all composed of Sherlock’s dreamed/imagined scenarios inside his Extended Mind Palace, I don’t think we can interpret everything we see in them as his ’gained wisdom’. In science, scenarios are never more accurate than the data you put into the model, or than the algorithm you use to run the scenario. And these being dream scenarios with no support in ’reality’ (in this case John’s blog) prevents us from using common logics to interpret them; the metaphors are mixed and many-layered. And all the events we see in S4 are fabrications, but maybe partly based on things that did happen before, which Sherlock’s brain now uses in ’new’ situations for the purpose of analysis. Also - and this is important - some of it may show us Sherlock’s mistaken conclusions - he might actually be wrong. :)
As for the hug scene in TLD, I think Sherlock still believes that John really wants to be the guy Mrs Het Norm Mary expected him to be, but he can’t and that’s why John starts crying at the end of the scene. When the truth is that John just can’t play this ridiculous game anymore; it has made him a liar and a cheater and it’s eating him up from the inside (and destroying his character on the meta level).
This has most probably to do with internalised homophobia, but I don’t think Sherlock has realised this just yet (because they both have it internalised). If Sherlock and John had sex on the stag night, then yes; maybe Sherlock (subconsciously) believes he thereby destroyed John’s protection from exposure. He ‘killed’ Mary, he ’broke the spell’ by making John cheat on her, and the result is a depressed John.
All of this is conclusions that Sherlock reaches first in TLD, after having run this whole scenario about John’s psychological motivations. (And I don’t think Sherlock is aware that his brain keeps running scenarios; he thinks everything in S4 actually happens). I have tried to describe my view of TLD in my meta series ‘What happened to Sherlock’ (X). All seems back to normal after the hug scene, but the problem is that TLD still ends with John being shot, so the problem has not been solved. Which propells Sherlock into his next mental scenario, TFP, where he finally has to confront his own emotions and traumas.
But I think the hug scene in TLD is false - at least partly - because it shows us a John whom it is very hard for Sherlock to comfort because of John’s self-loathing. I actually don’t believe the ‘real’ John would tell Sherlock that “it’s not okay” when Sherlock for once is there for him emotionally and actually offers him something as intimate as a hug. The ‘real’ John would take this opportunity without hesitation and hug him back. But Sherlock misinterprets his own data; he thinks this is all about John’s love for Mary, and his mourning after having lost her. While in ‘reality’ (where Mary may not even be dead) I think John is hoping for precisely this; he’s waiting for Sherlock to show his cards first. But this would mean that Sherlock first has to embrace Sentiment.
All in all I think Sherlock is a very empathetic person who cares deeply about people, especially those closest to him; he is by no means a ‘psychopath’. In fact he uses empathy as a method of crime solving; he puts himself in another persons’ shoes to see what he would do in that situation (and this comes directly from canon). This way he often manages to reason backwards to reconstruct what has happened. The problem with Sherlock’s analyses, though, is that he actively tries to avoid considering emotional aspects. His fear of certain emotions sometimes leads him in the wrong direction.
Why the beating?
So what about John’s beating of Sherlock in the morgue in TLD, where he blames Sherlock for killing Mary? This scene is outright horrible to watch and very difficult to understand. Disarming Sherlock and make him drop the scalpel is one thing, but how can Sherlock even dream that John would assault his best friend and kick the sh*t out of him while lying defenseless on the floor? For something that he didn’t even do? This is so absurd that I strongly suspect something else is going on. But here we must remember that this nightmarish scenario, as well as many others, might be based on things that have actually happened before; things that might have lead to the oddity of John’s wedding becoming a ‘crime scene’.
So let’s use Sherlock’s empathy methods on himself here, and try to analyse how Sherlock might have interpreted certain things that lead to the situation in TSoT. Because I think this is basically what Sherlock’s brain is trying to do in TLD, even if he still doesn’t actually ‘get it’. :P Which, by the way, is smoothly illustrated by this interchange between Mycroft (= Sherlock’s Brain) and Mrs Hudson (= Sherlock’s intuition? His heart?) in TLD:
Before beginning I want to point out that in my view most of the things we see happen in the show (especially after TSoT) represent Sherlock’s lively interpretation of what John has written on his blog. So in order to understand the beating in TLD, the first thing I would do is look for any kind of beating accounted for by John on his blog. And yes; there is of course this one in the blog post The Empty Hearse (X):
John actually admits publicly that he did beat up Sherlock in a restaurant, and then he goes on to wave the whole thing away without even a shred of remorse. Trying to look at this through Sherlock’s logical eyes (where emotions are repressed), I get the impression that John thinks this was a perfectly OK thing to do, after Sherlock’s little ‘joke’. It’s as if John were saying, in big macho style: “Don’t mess with Captain John Watson, Sherlock, because this is what happens, see? Sneaking up on me like that, you’ll get what you deserve.”
In fact, this whole blog post stands in stark contrast to what John had written about Sherlock when he thought he was dead. Instead of honouring Sherlock’s memory, now he talks about “Sherlock Bloody Holmes” and “I know he's a psychopath and I've accepted that, but...” And also that “he hadn't trusted us enough to tell us what was really going on. Not sure I'll ever truly forgive him for that”. And “he comes back into my life which means I find myself being attacked, kidnapped and stuck in a bonfire”. In this blog post, the only redeeming quality that Sherlock seems to have in John’s eyes, apart from his crime solving, is that he offers John a chance to help with it, which means danger for the adrenaline junkie. “He’s like a drug”. And John finishes with stating that Mary “is the best thing that's ever happened to me”, addressing it directly to Sherlock with a smiley. What is Sherlock supposed to make of all this?
I can understand that John is upset and appalled by Sherlock’s seemingly heartless nonchalance in just appearing before him like a ghost and behave like John’s years of grieving were all but a joke. But once he had assaulted the guy (thrice, if we are to believe the show’s version), why still this intense resentment? Why wasn’t it even enough to ‘vent’ by hitting the guy? Hadn’t he begged and hoped that Sherlock by some miracle would still be alive?
Apparently, now that Sherlock is back from the dead, all John’s emotional defenses immediately snap up again like a protective wall and the 'macho game’ is on once more. But unfortunately I don’t think Sherlock gets this, because it’s about Sentiment, and it has to do with him and John. Sherlock probably wouldn’t look at it that way.
But my point is, that this is what Sherlock’s subconscious is trying to tell him through the comatose scenarios in TLD: ‘Mary’ is dead because Sherlock has effectively destroyed John’s heteronormative façade.
And when did this happen? Well, it probably began when Sherlock suddenly returned from the dead; by that he managed to explode John’s carefully crafted little bubble of ordinary life. Or - more accurately - he blew up his little bubble of heteronormative life; he started to ‘kill Mary’. Hence John’s deep resentment; he was losing ‘the game’. But the biggest blow would have happened around John’s wedding, I think. Because if they actually did end up in bed after a wet Stag Night, this would have been the ultimate proof, wouldn’t it? The final evidence that Mary was not the best thing that could have happened to John, that this was just some BS that John was trying to hide behind.
John’s cover would have been blown, but he still proceeded to marry Mary Morstan as if nothing, making Sherlock feel like a trash can, only worthy of abuse. I even think there is some more evidence of this in John’s comment to his own last blog post about the Mayfly Man:
So John tries here to legitimise his own conduct, right? A married man who wanted some one-night stands. It might be significant that Sherlock doesn’t even comment on this blog post, but after the wedding he simply hacks the blog. No wonder that Sherlock’s scenarios in HLV, TAB and S4 would be dark and cynical then, is there? No wonder Sherlock calling himself “a sociopath who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high“. No wonder him calling it “surgery” when Mrs Het Norm ‘Mary’ skillfully cuts out his heart.
But the thing is, that John’s useless marriage could most probably have been avoided if Sherlock had been frank and honest to John about his feelings for him in the first place. And it’s still not too late; the ’crime’ can be reversed. I still have good hope that Sherlock will eventually reach that point in S5 by finally recognising the importance of emotions and take on the real criminal here: homophobia.
Tagging some people who might be interested:
@raggedyblue @lukessense @sarahthecoat @gosherlocked @ebaeschnbliah @sagestreet @tjlcisthenewsexy @loveismyrevolution
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I just thought about this
Do you think the Clan cats might ever have some form of PTSD from eather witnessing another cats death in any form like in battle or another disaster or even killing another cat themselves
I really do want to expand on this
okay matthew from the end of this post here it turns out i have a lot of thoughts and talked for like, almost 2k words about this. sorry. there's a tldr at the end.
hmmmmm
my official answer is, "sure, anything is possible, especially if you want to explore that."
my more rambly answer is...kind of.
we're just going to jump straight in with serious cat talk here, but cats? those mofos are killing machines. they are highly efficient hunters. kind of like people and creating things.
on the other hand, cats are also huge cowards who don't like to fight. hence cat and mouse: the cat doesn't want to go in for the kill unless they're sure they can execute it.
i like to think of them as a very krav maga idea: "we don't fight unless we absolutely have to, but once we go in, we go all in."
so...on one hand, "do cats experience ptsd from killing each other?" feels kind of like asking, "do humans experience ptsd from making things?", and yet, that's clearly extremely reductive.
it's also worth talking about what ptsd is. it's easy to think of ptsd as equivalent to trauma, but it's not.
trauma is, well, traumatic events, ptsd is one possible response. most people who experience trauma do not develop ptsd.
(there's also c-ptsd, but i'm getting to that.)
ptsd is, basically, an overactive adrenaline response, basically. it can look similar to depression and anxiety, but it's not the same. things like flashbacks and triggers are not exclusive to ptsd, or even any specific mental illness. it's normal to experience ptsd-like symptoms after a traumatic event. that's a traumatic response.
ptsd is, instead, the unhealthy extension of that, in time, and possibly severity.
before i go any farther, i just want to say, this is not to say you need to have ptsd to have trauma, that you can't have ptsd/trauma if XYZ, etc., so please, give me the benefit of the doubt here. it's always tricky to word these things in a way that is both clear about what i mean and not harming people.
mental illness is always a tricky subject. trying to fit a sum of many symptoms into boxes will never work, but i am going to lean on it as a tool to categorize and discuss experiences in a general sense.
i also want to mention c-ptsd, or "complex post-traumatic stress disorder." this is a debated diagnosis, in that where it fits into mental illness boxes is argued and it's yet to be included in the dsm, but for now, it's sufficient to think of it as ptsd's fraternal twin.
c-ptsd develops when trauma is prolonged, and there's little/no chance of escape. think kidnappings and child abuse.
it shares a lot of symptoms with ptsd, but it has its own unique cluster of symptoms, especially surrounding relationship issues.
right. we can rule that off for things cats typically experience from battle. but i still want to talk about it.
but ptsd is in reference to human reactions to trauma, which is fine! all warrior cats are at least a little anthropomorphised, or it wouldn't be fun to read about.
okay, before i lose the thread, circling back to my point, the conditions for ptsd are a prolonged response to a traumatic event. i, personally, don't think that your everyday warrior is going to experience this. some amount of battle is normal for cats, yeah?
but i do think ptsd/ptsd-like conditions are quite possible. i'm going to move into a discussion of various characters, now, and i'll put that under a read more.
okay, let's examine a few different cats, starting with mudfur.
why mudfur? because he chooses to be a medicine cat specifically because the battles of being a warrior are too much for him. does this mean he's experiencing ptsd? no, i don't think so. we never see any indication of him having flashbacks or hypervigilance. mind, i have
okay sorry you uh
i took a break to read mothwing's secret
see i've been putting it off bc i knew it was going to make me feel things and lord it did
phew
well i was going to talk about mothwing but first, back to mudfur
i can now confirm that we don't see any evidence of ptsd in him. trauma, maybe, but not ptsd.
which...checks.
next cat, ivypool.
but my ivypool, not canon ivypool, because i gave ivypool ptsd.
if you haven't read it, hedera helix is my canon compliant ivypool series, and you can get the Deets there, but i think "fair is the night" is the piece to focus on here. specifically,
The dark is the same, and the heat, and the way she slinks through the shadows, trying not to take notice. The way every pawstep is echoingly loud, and how she can't catch her breath or find her thoughts over the noise. All that's missing is.
Him.
Maybe Ivypool does still dream.
She hisses, her belt bristling, tail lashing, and raises her paw, claws extended.
what's going on here is that she mistakes tigerheart for hawkfrost.
yes, she has ptsd.
she also has c-ptsd in my writing, but i don't want to talk about this at the moment, because ivypool is complex, and i don't feel like bringing dovewing into this. but no, this is her having ptsd from her (dark forest) mentor trying to kill her. a cat she, at least on some level, trusted turning on her and attempting to kill her.
so for ivypool, it's the unexpected that traumatizes her.
which i think makes sense: cats don't generally expect to be attacked by those they trust. which leads me into...
character three: bluestar.
now, bluestar is complex because of the dementia, but i think it's pretty easy to say: tigerclaw (a cat she trusts) betrays her, she gets hypervigilant and stops trusting people.
i'm deliberately going short on this because i'm at almost a thousand words and uh,, i just want to talk about mothwing.
mothwing. my baby. my beloved. my beautiful.
fuuuuck okay so i should not have read mothwing's secret because this is going to turn into me writing mostly about that, but i actually knew 90% of what was contained in it through moonkitti videos + doing research for various mothwing related projects.
i think the only thing i learned was the moonkitti scene about bees is actually completely canonical, as written, and that it was possible for me to love mothwing more than i already do.
usually, i'd want to also talk about willowshine, but i'm going to keep my focus on mothwing. willow my love is going to come up, but i'm keeping my focus tight.
mothwing! onto my purpose: mothwing and c-ptsd and religious trauma.
she will get her own essay i have a document titled "mothwing and religious trauma" but with trope-bingo i've been writing the essays less, so bear with me.
anyway. i'm not waffling, i'm just trying to set up a good starting point so i don't ramble past the purpose. and i think...the scene with mudfur and mothwing near the end is what i'm honing in on. (spoilers, duh, but also, you don't need to have read it.)
so mudfur comes to mothwing after the battle, and she turns him away. he doesn't understand, but i do.
religion has been used against mothwing her entire life. her clan used it (inadvertently) to keep her from her purpose, hawkfrost used it to maintain his control over her, and mistystar used it to again keep her from her purpose and passion. (and yes, i have strong feelings about what this does to willowshine, but i'm trying to stay on-topic.)
and then, the first tangible proof she has of starclan is the dark forest. and her brother. attacking the nursery. and her.
and then mudfur has the audacity to say, "yeah sorry we don't know anything! but like why are you still rejecting us?"
(makes me want to rewrite the ending of "if you love me any, let me know it now" actually, i'm angry. not going to, but i want to.)
adfskjl mothwing is my new purpose for existing. i may actually consider changing my blog title from "in this house we lovewing dovewing" to something mothwing themed. i love her. expect a mothwing focus sometime soon-ish.
right, so, i don't think mothwing's perspective needs to be explained here. but...she is very self-aware of her position. she struggles with it. she doesn't want to talk to willowshine about her beliefs — she's grateful when willowpaw just accepts it and doesn't discuss it with her.
mothwing as a character has always been appealing to me. but. again, trying to keep focused, her brother is manipulative and cruel.
(i'm not saying abusive because i don't know if he really is. i'd want to do a proper analysis for that, not just ramble in a blank document for a while. he's toxic, but i try to reserve abusive for abusive characters. i think he is, but i don't know how i would defend that, ergo, i'm avoiding it for now.)
just. her whole life.
she spends a long time trusting others, looking to starclan for answer and salvation, and it keeps letting her down, and others keep using it against her, like a weapon. there's a lot to mothwing, but i'm really trying to stay on topic.
before i get to my closing arguments, some honorable mentions for characters i didn't talk about, but could have:
squirrelflight
feathertail, stormfur, and mistyfoot
dovewing
briarlight. okay she's such a good honorable mention i just have to explore this for a second, but the scene in bramblestar's storm where she's afraid of falling trees is good. i don't know, she seems fairly functional, but she's definitely not "over it."
anyone captured by twolegs.
tawnypelt
bramblestar. before you gasp, he too trained in the dark forest and was manipulated by hawkfrost and tigerstar.
probably a lot more.
so anyway, if you hung around for nearly 2k words to listen to me talk about cat trauma, here's my closing statement:
i think ptsd in clan cats is definitely going to be a thing, but i think, more often than not, it's not going to come from the battle. we looked at several examples where the incident happened during a battle, but i think it's the betrayal that's more shocking than the actual fighting.
i didn't address ptsd from cats killing each other, other than mudfur, and that's...frankly that's because i don't know. it is very hard for me to sympathize with those characters long enough to think critically about it.
like, i can write villain pov, but i don't think i can actually say, "what if XYZ feels bad for killing someone?" even if i was going to write about like, firestar killing scourge, i don't think i could.
not in this context, anyway.
similarly, i think a lot of what we'll see is trauma. cats are already extremely vigilant, and while it's possible to get hypervigilant cats, i'm not sure how often it's going to come out. cats are good at hiding physical pain, ipso facto, i imagine they're good at hiding emotional pain.
which isn't to say that they...you know what? you know what? if you want to come argue with me about human ptsd, you can do that on my main. but i'm talking about cats, and i say that they probably don't experience ptsd because they probably shove away a lot of the external symptoms, and that's mostly how we identify ptsd. this is not an end-all be-all, nor does it apply to people, but i don't know how to begin couching this, and i'm tired.
alright, well...
tl/dr: yes, trauma and maybe ptsd occur in clan cats, but i think it's more likely to be from betrayal than fighting.
dkjl this was a lot if u have follow up qs or just wanna discuss this my ask box is open! <3
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