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saiilorstars · 2 years

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Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 40: Picture Perfect

Previous chapters // Montserrat’s masterlist

Fandom: SVU // Pairing: Rafael Barba x OFC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @antonybridgertons @averyhotchner @abzidabzy @hellofutur @foxesandmagic

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

The squad had done their due diligence and visited one of Brubeck's 'casting parties' in a luxurious mansion. But it turned out the man was smarter than he looked.

"So Adam Brubeck's casting party, no drugs, no underage drinking," Olivia wearily rubbed her forehead after getting word from her team that they basically had nothing.

"Noo," Montserrat's tone promised sarcasm. "It was just a bunch of older men watching wet teenage girls in bikinis. Hardly something to worry about."

"If being a letch were illegal, Beverly Hills would be in lock down," Amanda remarked. "He's smart, he's careful, he's wised up."

"What did he say about Tensley?" Olivia asked and hoped she would get a little more than just sarcasm. She could understand their feelings but something better would be to prove Tensley's story.

"Oh, he admitted that she came to his parties, at 13, but he blamed it mostly on the mom," Nick answered her.

Fin seemed almost ready to laugh at the younger detectives. "You thought he'd confess to child rape?" His response came in the simultaneous glares from them. It was still pretty funny.

Olivia made a gesture for them to get back to business. "We keep digging deeper, we're gonna find something."

"We've been doing the research on Brubeck's former child stars," Amanda got up from her seat to lead the squad to their conference table. She had already set up the pinboard with said research. "Okay, Tensley is not the only one that's crashed and burned. This is Bella Macy." She began with the first picture on the left of the board. "She starred in "Teens in Space" at 12. She did an after school special, and then disappeared. She got arrested four years ago in Ohio for armed robbery. Mm-hmm. Go on. This is Jordana Russo. She starred alongside Tensley in "Sophie Spade". She's now doing... porn. Now this is our friend Brody Clark. He used to be a complete mess. In and out of rehab for years."

"In conclusion, the list goes on and extensively," Montserrat left it clear as she herself still had a few more potential victims' rap sheets sitting on her desk.

"Okay, did any of them file a lawsuit, press charges?" asked Olivia.

"Actually, he was almost charged in L.A," Sonny spoke up, although there was a rather nervous tinge in his words as he went on. "I, uh, have an ex at LAPD. She told me an actress named Amber Forbes drowned at one of Brubeck's Beverly Hills pool parties, nine years ago."

"Ooh, we're going to be discussing that later on," Montserrat promised him with a sly smile. He rolled his eyes and hoped somebody else would start talking fast.

"She drowned?" Olivia had come to the rescue without knowing it. "How old was she?"

"She was 15. The M.E. ruled it an accident, but there was alcohol and ecstasy in her system. Brubeck and Dennis were questioned by police. Also, on the witness list... Brody Clark."

Everyone's eyes shifted to the young man on the board.

"Okay, talk to Brody. Find out what he knows," Olivia specifically told Sonny since he had discovered their newest lead.

"And that's my cue," Montserrat said as she moved after her partner.

~ 0 ~

"You're seriously not gonna let it go?" Sonny frowned as the two partners walked down the street that would lead them to Brody's current movie setting.

"You specifically called one of your exes - how am I supposed to let that go!?" Montserrat was having herself a good laugh teasing him about this. "Does Kara know about her?"

"It was a strictly professional phone call and you know what? I would appreciate if you kept Kara out of this. I will tell her later on."

"Yeah, when you're not so scared," Montserrat muttered but it wasn't as quiet as she thought it was.

Sonny shot her a mock glare. "I can't wait for you to slip up and then I can do the same thing to you. Only difference here is that when Rafael learns of your exes, he'll actually be mad. I can just give Kara a gift or something to calm her down, but what are you going to do?"

"Give him a bottle of scotch and tell him to move on," Montserrat shrugged carelessly. "And if he doesn't, then I'll take the scotch bottle back; give him a real reason to be mad." Of course then she recalled the way she acted when Yelena was around and suddenly she had nothing else to say.

The two detectives found Brody just after he'd finished a scene. He wasn't that surprised to find them again, but he had new things to say. "Adam told me you guys were up his butt about Tensley. Is she okay?" something about the way he asked made it sound as if he wasn't that concerned.

"How well do you know her?" Montserrat asked as she continued to study his expression.

"We did a few movies together."

"And you were engaged for two years," the detective made sure to remind.

Brody, again, wasn't that pleased, but he did agree. "Well, a lot of that was PR. But I do care about her. I mean, we broke in together."

"Right!" Sonny exclaimed. "Right, on "Summer Daze"! Loved that movie. Hey, wasn't that girl who drowned in it? Amber... Amber something?"

Montserrat had to commend his acting skills because right now, he was doing a better job at it than Brody, the actual actor.

"Oh, man, Amber Forbes, that poor girl," Brody said, yet again feigning more concern.

"And you were at the party when she drowned?"

"Yeah, it, uh... Totally sucked, bro."

"Was uh... Was Adam Brubeck there?" Montserrat tilted her head at him.

"Uh, sure. It was his house."

"Now was he with her, in the pool?"

Brody shook his head but even that was done rather nervously. "I don't know, I was in the screening room watching videos. But, dude, that house... It's like, unbelievable."

Sonny smiled with him, but his was more tight. "Unbelievable, huh? Brody, do you remember who else was there?"

"Um... Tensley. She was like a big sister to Amber. She cried for, like, months."

Now that seemed honest enough.

~0~

For a lack of a better word, the squad had trespassed into a raw part of Tensley's life, even more so than what she already went through. It drove her to attempt suicide. While she was to stay at a clinic, the case would try to move on until she could speak to them again. But it was easier said than done. It was only when Tensley was able to talk that they could finally move forwards.

Tensley, to her credit, did seem more put together in the clinic than last week when she'd been arrested. She sat at the corner of a long couch in the clinic's patient lounge and nervously watched Olivia and Montserrat make their way through the room.

"Hey, Tensley. How you feeling?" Olivia asked as she took a seat in the next couch with Montserrat.

"Better. Today in group, uh...this girl said that my next bottom isn't on this earth," Tensley said, fiddling her nails together. "That kind of got through to me."

Seems like it, Montserrat silently agreed. At the very least, Tensley was more serious.

"So the other day...you said that you didn't want to go back to that time," Olivia picked up right where she'd left off with Tensley just before her attempted suicide. "You think you're ready now?"

Tensley nodded, but it was done nervously so the two women needed to tread lightly. "It's all I think about. Everybody in group knows, so...you might as well, too. That night in the pool. Um, it was...it was Amber, Adam and I. We were high. On, uh... on kix. It's...Ketamine. Ecstasy. It works. We were splashing around and then Adam set down the house rules."

"Which were?" Montserrat dressed the answer.

"He wanted us to take turns on him while he held our heads underwater."

Yeah, there it was.

"Amber was so scared. But I'd done it before, so I went for it, and I choked, and...I had to go inside. And I tried, I tried to get Amber to come with me, but Adam said no, and... I never should have left her." Tensely sniffled until real tears strolled down her cheeks. "She was 15 and she was still new to this, and...it's my fault she drowned."

"Oh no, it is not your fault," Montserrat promised the girl. "And that's what we want, for the real culprit to go away."

Tensley nodded, but it was still hard to stop her tears.

~0~

"Knock, knock," Montserrat pretended to knock on the office door then flashed Rafael a smile.

He smiled back and put his work down on his desk. "Been a while," he remarked given their hectic schedules over the past few days.

The Tensley Evans case was taking up a lot more of their time in different areas. Montserrat's time was primarily taken with those in-the-field interviews. There were so many Hollywood stars they needed to interview that she and most of the other detectives were hardly in the bullpen lately. And then he was dealing with the current charges against Tensley along with aiding Olivia in their case. But neither of them were surprised. They knew very well what it would be like.

"Doesn't it feel like it?" Montserrat made her way up to his desk. "I am so exhausted. I might just take your couch over there for a quick power nap."

"I'd like the view but Olivia's due in a few," he informed her and straightened in his seat.

"Right," Montserrat remembered. Now that they'd finally cracked Brody, they were going up the ladder to another producer with dirt on Bruebeck. "Make sure to get 'em."

"I do try."

"I just came in for a bit but I did bring something," Montserrat looked unusually giddy which was a sight to see.

Rafael never really saw her like which made him just a bit more curious. He watched her pull something out of her bag, a white envelope, and then met her excited grin. "What is it?" he asked.

"A few pictures!" She handed him the envelope and chuckled at his deepened confusion.

"Should I...can I open this here?" the words blurted from his mouth and the moment he realized it, his face flushed. Plus, it was something that went back to what they specifically discussed and concluded that Montserrat wasn't ready for. "Montserrat, I'm sorry…"

But Montserrat leaned down to give him a quick kiss on the lips. "No harm done, dear. Plus," she leaned against his desk next to his chair, "If it were those type of pictures, I'd work a bit more on my-" she gestures at her current appearance, "-presentation."

Rafael couldn't help but look her over again while his mind wandered a bit. "So...so what are these, then?" he focused on the envelope but Montserrat took it from him suddenly and planted a kiss over its white surface.

"There, make it a bit sweeter," she smiled as she presented the envelope now bearing the print of her lips over it. "And to answer your question, it's what we promised each other." She gave him the envelope back and anxiously waited for him to see the pictures.

Rafael pulled out three pictures but instead of seeing Montserrat, he saw a small child...with the same head of curly ginger hair. "Is this you?" he turned one of the pictures over for her to see.

"Yup!" she nodded affirmatively. "That one's special because I was really pissed off, so my father says."

Rafael turned the picture back so he could study it better. Montserrat couldn't be more than four years old. She had a perfectly round face with slightly plump cheeks, and she wore an overalls jean skirt. But Montserrat was right, she had the same set of untamed fiery orange curls on her head. She had a face that expressed nothing but contempt for the older boy sitting next to her on the couch. The boy, for his part, was grinning.

"What was going on here?" he curiously wondered. He assumed the boy was Gael and that he was the culprit for Montserrat's mood. He certainly seemed proud of it.

"He ate my cookies," Montserrat explained and when Rafael looked up at her he saw the same expression from her four year old self on her face. It was impossible not to laugh.

"Really!?"

"They were strawberry jam!" Montserrat leaned off the desk, quite offended that he was laughing at her misfortune. "Gael was a jerk! I was four!"

"And already you mastered the scowl," Rafael waved her picture around.

"It was Gael's fault!" Montserrat huffed and crossed her arms.

"Right, right, it was," Rafael agreed for her sake. He reached for her closest arm and tugged her towards him until she agreed to sit on his lap. "You want to tell me about these?" he motioned to the two remaining pictures.

Montserrat begrudgingly agreed only because she thought that the other two pictures were cute. "That one was on my first day of school." She showed him the picture of her four year old self standing in front of her preschool. She had a small backpack on her back and what she called 'the best smile for the school day'. She certainly seemed ready for the day.

"You were incredibly adorable," Rafael remarked.

"I only get 'adorable'?"

"You were four, that's the best compliment a four year old can get!"

Montserrat shrugged, agreeing before moving onto the last picture. This time there was a slightly older version of herself. She was six and ready for ballet. "Told you I did ballet!" she smirked.

"Alright, now I can fully believe it." Rafael planted a kiss on her cheek and looked over the pictures again. She was truly adorable in all of them, even when she was angry as hell. "Eras una niña muy bonita."

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him, apparently not so pleased with his compliment. "Eras?" she repeated. giving him a brief taste of her own Latin tongue, though there was a hint of an accent due to her lack of usage. "What do you mean 'eras'? Are you saying that I'm not pretty right now?"

It's like she had an instinct to pick up anything to banter with him. Still, Rafael just smiled. "Ahora eres hermosa."

Montserrat pretended to consider the upgrade for a few minutes. "Alright then. So I'm beautiful now. I'll let that one slide."

"Oh, really?"

"Mhm! But under one condition!"

"And that would be?"

Montserrat got a better hook around his neck then leaned closer with a smile that promised something good. "You roll your r's again."

"O...kay?" Rafael arched an eyebrow at her. He laughed slightly but it was done out of confusion.

"You just sound good, that's all," she smirked and pressed a tantalizing kiss near his jaw. "Pretty sexy actually."

"You should've led with that," he cleared his throat dramatically before complying with her request. "Any requests?"

She chuckled. "Nope. Well, if you can make it about me I wouldn't get mad."

Course she wouldn't. But who was he to deny her what she wanted to hear? Even when it was so easy. "Te daré miles de rosas un día…"

"Roses. I like roses. Make 'em red." Montserrat paid her best attention now and laughed each time he paid her a compliment. But he did sound incredibly good, just like she knew he would.

Eventually, though, Rafael's phone buzzed with a text from Olivia, warning him that she was on her way to his office. Montserrat agreed their current position was a bit compromising so she got off his lap - though still reluctantly - and prepared to leave.

"But now you have to show me your pictures," she warned as she fixed her jacket.

"Well, yeah, but mine don't look like yours," Rafael reluctantly said. Plus, what he said about his pictures being at his mother's place was true. And she would definitely question him if he stopped by specifically for them.

"I'd be concerned if they did," Montserrat's pointed stare left no room for arguments and that was saying something considering what Rafael did for a living. "Pictures!" she warned on her way out of the room. "Or you can consider yourself single again!"

"Montserrat!"

The woman stopped but not because he wanted to argue. She turned around and leaned against the door. "Ooh, next time I'm gonna have you say my name over and over. Roll those r's." Her look had turned saucy, or rather she made it that way.

"If I do that, can we skip the pictures?"

"You wish. Adiós!"

Well, that pretty much laid the rules out.

Rafael turned to his work again but he left the pictures neatly tucked into the envelope next to him. He might just claim them as his now if she was going to make him dig through his old photos. Plus, she did look adorable. There was no other child as adorable as she'd been.

"Hey, ready to go?" Olivia walked in fifteen minutes later.

It brought Rafael back to the current issues at hand. He didn't know at what point had Montserrat taken over 80% of his mind, but he wasn't complaining. It was nice not to always be thinking about work and even better to know that he had something besides work. He had someone. And that someone, albeit a pain sometimes - just like the pain he was to her, according to their latest argument - was somebody he looked forward to seeing every time. Every. Time.

While Rafael collected his things, and forced himself to think professionally now, Olivia busied herself with the usual looks around the office. There was nothing out of the ordinary, no surprise, until Olivia noticed the envelope sitting on the desk. She would've completely disregarded it had it not been for the clear imprint of red - perhaps slightly orange - lips over the seal.

"I didn't know you were seeing someone," her comment startled Rafael and made him freeze midway into putting his coat on. For a brief second he panicked thinking somehow she'd found out about him and Montserrat, but then Olivia picked up the envelope Montserrat left behind.

That. He could work with that.

"I'm not. My mother dropped those off. She's a bit dramatic." His mother would kill him for that statement but he'd rather face her than ruin his relationship. He wasn't quite ready for everybody to find out and bombard him and Montserrat with pesky, nosy questions. Olivia wasn't particularly nosy - she would be the first person he would tell, honestly - but she would definitely question their stance on their jobs. They just needed a bit more time alone.

"Hm, didn't know your mother was the type to wear red lipstick." It was hard to tell if Olivia was buying it, but she certainly seemed to be letting it go. That right there was why Rafael liked her best out of the squad, next to Montserrat of course. "I haven't seen her in a while, actually."

That would make two, Rafael realized. It would make his visit to her house more interesting.

~0~

Dozens and dozens of 'audition' videos flooded each SVU detective's desk. Even though there was 5 of them, the videos seemed to be like mountains.

"I can't, I can't…" Amanda had to close her laptop at one point. She checked to see her coworkers' and was a bit satisfied to see she wasn't the only one suffering. Brubeck had an enormous list on him and they had to watch all of his auditions.

"I know it's a huge win that Liv and Barba got us these videos but…" Sonny swayed his head, closing his own laptop for a moment, "It kind of sucks that we have to watch them."

"That is your job," Fin pointed out, not that he was too pleased with this task either. "Besides, we're almost done."

"Montse, how about we pick up dinner for us and Kara?" Sonny asked his partner but she was busy staring at her phone. "Montserrat?"

"Hmm?" the detective raised her gaze from her screen, eyes slightly wide from being called. "What was that?"

"Dinner? You, me and Kara?"

"Oh, uh," she checked her phone one more time then gave a nod. "Sounds good. My plans got rearranged anyways." She tucked her phone into her pocket and wondered just where Rafael was heading to so suddenly that he cancelled dinner. She was curious, nor concerned, but very curious.

"You guys have a date together? All of you?" As Nick asked there was already a teasing smile working across his face. It made all the more funnier when Montserrat and Sonny gave him the same glare.

"It's not like that," they even said together.

Montserrat rolled her eyes at him. "Let's just go, Sonny. And tomorrow when we have leftovers, Nick won't get any."

Nick chuckled and momentarily acted concerned over this unequal portion share. Sometimes it truly was too easy to mess with them.

~0~

It was evening when Rafael stopped by his mother's place. He honestly expected it to be empty since his mother usually worked until late. Being a Charter School principal often meant long after school hours. However, he was quite surprised to find his grandmother in the living room.

"Abuelita? What are you doing here?" he stuffed the keys into his coat's pocket. He'd been given a key to the place long ago, specifically for when his grandmother would stay around and he needed to be the one to look after her.

Catalina was sitting on the couch with the television on but she forgot all about it when she saw her grandson. "I'm staying for the night. Early doctor's appointment tomorrow. What are you doing here?"

Rafael walked over to give her a hug. She was quite warm due to the blanket around her. His mother also kept the necessary blankets for this specific case. "If you needed somebody to take you, I could've done it."

"Siempre tienes mucho trabajo. You always have too much work and, plus, your mother has the day off tomorrow. No school. Qué haces, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, uh…" Rafael hadn't actually considered what excuse he would give if anyone did turn out to he home. "I came looking for...some pictures."

"Of what?"

"...me?" The confused stare he got in return was fair. She, just like his mother, knew that he wasn't very fond of his childhood pictures. "I need the albums."

"They're where they always are," Catalina pointed towards the hallway closet door.

"Thank you." Rafael left a kiss on her head and went for the closet door. He was quick to go through them, but it mostly stemmed from the fact he didn't want to explain to his mother why he suddenly needed the albums.

But getting away quickly would be too easy.

Fifteen minutes into his search - the closet was actually pretty messy - Lucia Barba walked home. Like her mother, she was surprised to find him at home and even more that he was digging through her closet.

"I just need an album!" Rafael exclaimed, wishing they would stop asking him the same thing. They really were related.

"Since when?" his mother shot him a look as she let her bag and coat fall to the couch. "You always say you hate them. In fact, you once told me to burn them."

"I did not-"

"-yes, you did. Don't even argue with me about it," she warned. "I told you that they were nice but you've always been so stubborn to agree. What went on to change your mind?"

Rafael had to force his silence. His mother was always very adept to instigate arguments. They weren't actual arguments but disagreements that usually ended with them both going back and forth for hours until his grandmother would cut in to scold both of them.

"I just need to find some good pictures, alright? Are they all in here?"

Lucia rolled her eyes. "Sí. Of course they are. Good luck going through them. You staying for dinner?"

"Uh, I don't think so," Rafael had found one album so far. He crinkled his nose once he started going through them. God he really did not like his pictures. What a surprise, my mother was right.

"Of course you are," his grandmother suddenly said. "Si se queda, Lucia. He's staying."

He wouldn't even argue with her, never his grandmother. Catalina was the only one he could never deny anything to. He stopped flipping through pages when he realized that was no longer true. Montserrat had that ability from the start. He didn't mind though, he liked doing what she wanted because it always made her happy. He was doing that right now, although this one was a particular pain considering he had no good pictures. He was really searching, really putting an effort because he knew how much it would mean to Montserrat. She'd been so sure that he wouldn't keep his word and he wanted to show her that he would always keep his word to her.

There were several albums in a pile beside his right foot. He'd gone through them in a whiz and found nothing. They were too early of him. Nobody liked their baby pictures but he suspected that nobody hated their own like him. Things started looking up once he hit the five year mark, but he couldn't find the right ones.

He had no idea how much time had passed. The apartment was being filled with the scent of a dinner almost done.

"Jesus, what are you looking for?" his mother startled him at one point. She was standing only a few feet from him, hands on hips, and with an expression warning he would have to give an answer if this was to continue. "You've been standing there for almost an hour going through those things."

"Am I not allowed?" Rafael knew that'd been the wrong thing to say as soon as he said it.

Lucia arched an eyebrow at him, going high enough to disappear behind her hair line. "You're acting strange. You never go through those things!" she gestured to the album in his hand then the pile beside him. "Qué te pasa? What's going on with you?"

Before Rafael could say something, his grandmother cut in. "Dejalo en paz, Lucia. Leave him alone. He needs to do it." She gave him an odd smile, something that confused him for a second but he was grateful for getting his mother off his back.

Lucia didn't feel like arguing with her own mother so she just rolled her eyes. "Fine. Do what you want. I'm going to the store really quick to get something I need. And you-" she pointed at Rafael, "-better clean this up when you leave."

It was amazing how she could make him feel like a child sometimes. Still, he gave a nod and let her go. Maybe by the time she got back he'd have a better explanation.

"Esa madre tuya," Catalina said a few minutes later when they were alone. "That mother of yours."

Rafael smiled as he went through new pages of the album in his hands. "I'm used to it."

"I didn't think she was wrong, though. You never go through those things."

"Maybe I just changed my mind. I'm allowed." He spotted one picture of himself that might do. He was probably around four and if he remembered correctly it was the day he figured out how to read his first book. Looking back, it was probably an over exaggeration but he was five and so proud of himself. He held his book to the camera and had the grin of a lifetime. That was definitely one.

"Como se llama?" his grandmother suddenly asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts. "What's her name?"

#ocappreciation #ocfairygodmother #fd: svu #svu #rafael barba #svu fics #rafael barba fics #rafael barba imagines #svu imagines #law and order svu #law and order fics #law and order imagines #oc: Montserrat Novak #fic: dare to forget me

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femori · 1 year

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MUSE LIST (non-carrd edition)

film

amber freeman, mikey madison, scream 5

anita ‘needy’ lesnicki, amanda seyfried, jennifer’s body

bex warren, hari nef, assassination nation

cassandra ‘cassie’ swann, sasha lane, daniel isn’t real

deena johnson, kiana madeira, fear street

evie jackson, nathalie emmanuel, the invitation

hallie mcdaniel, tati gabrielle, scream 2

heather duke, kaitlyn dever, heathers

jill roberts, emma dumont, scream 4

kirby reed, jemima kirke, scream 4

lily leblanc, mila kunis, black swan

lydia deetz, tbd, beetlejuice (film)

mckayla hooper, alexandra shipp, tragedy girls

rochelle zimmerman, lovie simone, the craft

sadie cunningham, brianna hildebrand, tragedy girls

sarah fier, juliet landau, fear street

taylor gentry, angela goethels, behind the mask

original characters

pamela clarke, jaz sinclair, fear street (1960s)

valerie marie beaumont, emma dumont, affilliated slasher oc

agatha & dorcas night, adeline rudolph & abigail cowen, caos

ava daniels, hannah einbinder, hacks (horror based?) -- TEST

carmilla karnstein, natasha negovanlis, carmilla: the series

coco st pierre vanderbilt, leslie grossman, ahs: apocalypse

ellie williams, bella ramsey, hbo's the last of us -- TEST

lark feldmont, billie lourd, ahs: red tide

madison montgomery, sophia anne caruso, ahs: coven

mallory, billie lourd, ahs: apocalypse

marienne bellamy, tati gabrielle, you -- TEST

queenie sidibe, gabourey sidibe, ahs: coven

sarah ‘belle noire’ cunningham, frances conroy, ahs: red tide

vanessa ives, eva green, penny dreadful

zoe benson, hannah einbinder, ahs: coven

video games

claudette morel, angelica ross, dead by daylight

rin yamaoka / the spirit, karen fukuhara, dead by daylight

yui kimura, devon aoki, dead by daylight

yun-jin lee, park so-dam, dead by daylight

literature

laura, samara weaving, carmilla novella

maggie leigh, jahkara smith, nos4a2

podcast

agnes montague, eline powell, the magnus archives

basira hussain, golshifteh farahani, the magnus archives

georgina ‘georgie’ barker, wunmi mosaku, the magnus archives

jude perry, bae doona, the magnus archives

melanie king, eliza dushku, the magnus archives

nikola orsinov, no faceclaim, the magnus archives

#THE MURDERED GIRLS ARE COMING OUT OF THE WOODS. [ gen. out of char ]#dnr.

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captain-penguin2 · 2 years

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Favorite Tv Show Characters

A lot of the actors of my favorite characters left their shows, My favorite characters who had/have a relationship on their corresponding show tend to be the ship I ship when I am watching the show.

- Special Agent Nina Chase (F.B.I)

- Special Agent Stuart Scola (F.B.I.)

- Special Agent Eleanor “Ellie” Bishop (N.C.I.S)

- Special Agent Nicholas “Nick” Torres (N.C.I.S)

- N.P. Nicolette Nevin (The Resident)

- Dr. Conrad Hawkins (The Resident)

- John Constantine (Arrowverse (Any time Matt Ryan plays him))

- Zari 2.0 (Arrowverse)

- Oliver Queen (Arrowverse)

- Felicity Smoak (Arrowverse)

- Mon-el (Supergirl/The Flash)

- Dr. Caitlin Snow (Arrowverse)

- Mark Blaine/Chillblaine (The Flash)

- Detective Erin Lindsay (Chicago P.D.)

- Dr. Natalie Manning (Chicago Med)

- Special Agent Jamie Kellett (F.B.I: International)

- Special Agent Scott Forrester (F.B.I: International)

- Lea Dilallo (The Good Doctor)

- Dr. Morgan Resnick (The Good Doctor)

- Dr. Alex Park (The Good Doctor)

- P.I.C Sylvie Brett (Chicago Fire)

- Captain Matt Casey (Chicago Fire)

- Detective Amanda Rollins (SVU)

- A.D.A Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr. (SVU)

- Geri Broussard (Walker)

- Juliet Higgins (Magnum PI)

- Officer Edit “Eddie” Janko-Reagan (Blue Bloods)

- Sergeant Jameson “Jamie” Reagan (Blue Bloods)

- Maggie Bloom (A Million Little Things)

- Ace (Nancy Drew)

- Liam Ridley (Dynasty)

- Clarke/Ryan (Legacies)

- Hope Mikaelson (Legacies)

- Wade Kinsella (Hart of Dixie)

- Dr. April Kepner (Grey’s Anatomy)

- Dr. Lexie Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)

- Dr. Mark Sloan (Grey’s Anatomy)

- Dr. Arizona Robbins (Grey’s Anatomy)

- Sergeant Tim Bradford (The Rookie)

- Special Agent Laura Stenson (Rookie Feds)

- Special Agent Brendon Acres (Rookie Feds)

- Jack Sheridan (Virgin River)

- Penny (Big Bang Theory)

- Quinn James (One Tree Hill)

- Peyton Charles (IZombie)

- Blaine (IZombie)

and many more I can’t think of right now:) (this is in no specific order)

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openingnightposts · 3 months

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#54Below #Cabaret #GospelBrunch #HolliHarms

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bookclub4m · 4 months

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Episode 186 - Suspense Fiction

This episode we’re discussing the fiction genre of Suspense! We talk about crime, mysteries, horror, and even suspense!

You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through Apple Podcasts or your favourite podcast delivery system.

In this episode

Anna Ferri | Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | Jam Edwards

Things We Read (or tried to…)

Ascension by Nicholas Binge

The Best American Mystery and Suspense 2023 edited by Lisa Unger and Steph Cha

Malice by Keigo Higashino

Dead Woman Walking by Sharon J. Bolton

Alice in Borderland by Haro Aso (Wikipedia)

Night Fever by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips

Reckless by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips

A Solitude of Wolverines by Alice Henderson

Read But Not Mentioned

Find Me by Anne Fraser

Ghost Eaters by Clay McLeod Chapman

The Midnight Line: Jack Reacher #22 by Lee Child

The Phantom Scientist by Robin Cousin, translated by Edward Gauvin

Wyrd, vol. 1 by Curt Pires and Antonio Fuso

Colorless, vol 1 by Kent

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Cry by Mary Higgins Clark

Other Media We Mentioned

Scalped by Jason Aaron, R.M. Guera, and others

Case Histories by Kate Atkinson

At the Mountains of Madness by H. P. Lovecraft (Wikipedia)

Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube by Blair Braverman

Small Game by Blair Braverman

Links, Articles, and Things

Hark! Podcast

Category:Fiction about death games (Wikipedia)

What Matthew described as “escape room fiction”

Final girl (Wikipedia)

20 Suspense Novels by BIPOC Authors

Every month Book Club for Masochists: A Readers’ Advisory Podcasts chooses a genre at random and we read and discuss books from that genre. We also put together book lists for each episode/genre that feature works by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, & People of Colour) authors. All of the lists can be found here.

The Decagon House Murders by Yukito Ayatsuji

Dirty Laundry by Disha Bose

A Person of Interest by Susan Choi

When No One is Watching by Alyssa Cole

Sleeping with Strangers by Eric Jerome Dickey

The Between by Tananarive Due

Shutter by Ramona Emerson

The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris

We Lie Here by Rachel Howzell Hall

The Mantis by Kotaro Isaka

My Sweet Girl by Amanda Jayatissa

The Leftover Woman by Jean Kwok

Are You Sara? by S.C. Lalli

Cherish Farrah by Bethany C. Morrow

The Man in My Basement by Walter Mosley

Ride or Die by Gail-Agnes Musikavanhu

Fish Swimming in Dappled Sunlight by Riku Onda, translated by Alison Watts

Sinister Graves by Marcie R. Rendon

There Should Have Been Eight by Nalini Singh

In the Dark We Forget by Sandra S.G. Wong

Give us feedback!

Fill out the form to ask for a recommendation or suggest a genre or title for us to read!

Check out our Tumblr, follow us on Instagram, join our Facebook Group, or send us an email!

Join us again on Tuesday, December 19th it’s time for our Favourite Reads of 2023!

Then on Tuesday, January 2nd it’s time for trains, planes, and automobiles (and bicycles) as we discuss non-fiction books about Transit and Transportation!

#episodes #podcasts #suspense #fiction

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toby-determined · 5 months

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Day 12: Background NPC - Amanda Determined

“Come ooooon, Toby,” Amanda whined. “You used to be cool! Now you got your desk job and suddenly you forgot how.”

“Thanks,” he snorted looking up at her from over his laptop, but the rhythmic tapping of his fingers over the keys didn’t stop. “I’m sorry, but I can’t go.”

She groaned, louder and from the gut this time.

“Why don’t you just go alone?”

Normally, she would have. Going places alone was an obstacle she had long overcome, much to their mother’s displeasure. But this was different.

“I’ve already got the ticket,” she told him. Though she knew that wasn’t the only reason, it was just the only one she was willing to confess to.

“You can sell it.”

“I can’t be bothered to do all that.”

He shook his head, “I’m sorry your friends bailed on you.”

“Me, too. And now my brother, my own flesh and blood, my bosom buddy, my ride or die, is also forsaking me. This is exactly why you can’t trust anyone these days,” she sighed to follow her over dramatic performance.

This time when Toby looked up his fingers had stopped their typing. Amanda forced herself not to smile, knowing she’d gotten the hook in. Now all she had to do was reel him in and she was home free.

“What day is it again?”

“Saturday,” she replied. “Starts at 9.”

“That’s so late.”

“It is not,” she countered. “It’ll be done by 11, we’ll be home before 12!”

“That’s only if traffic isn’t-”

“It won’t be. It's their first tour and it’s at a bar, Toby, there’ll be 100 people there, if even that.”

His mouth squished to one side, eyes flickering to his screen and her face. She pressed her palms together and laced her fingers, squeezing. Her lower lip stuck out and she did her best puppy dog eyes. It was always a crowd winner, and while Toby was less susceptible to it than others, it seemed to do the trick as he let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair.

“Fine.”

“Yes!” she said with a little fist pump. “I knew you’d come around.”

“But-!” he said, sitting up again and holding up his index finger. “I have a deadline by Sunday. So, that means I’ve got to finish this tonight so I can edit it tomorrow before we go.”

“Got it,” Amanda was up and on her feet, heading toward the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow! And wear something that’s not what you’re wearing now.”

“What’s wrong with this?” he asked, looking down at himself.

Ever since he’d graduated from uni and got the job at the newspaper all he had been wearing was the same get up. A white button down, black tire, and dark trousers with dark shoes. It did it’s job to make him look like nobody, a regular Clark Kent if Superman was a shrimpy little fucker who landed in Australia rather than the US of A, but it wasn’t something you wore to a concert.

Toby was not the older brother that Amanda had been sold in various movies and television shows. He wasn’t cool and he wasn’t aloof. Her friends didn’t get crushes on him. He didn’t wear a leather jacket, he didn’t tell her who she should and shouldn’t go out with, he didn’t try to control her, and it never felt like he was the golden child who was favored by their parents who could do no wrong. He was what he was, which was a weirdo that she happened to be related to.

Amanda let her brother be for the remainder of the night and all Saturday morning. She kept her phone on her at all times until he called to tell her that he had finished and sent in his little article.

She picked him up later that day, laying on the horn until he came scrambling out. He tore open the passenger door and grabbed her arm to pull it off the steering wheel. He’d lost his balance on the curb, foot slipping down and making his body fall into the seat. She cracked up, pony tail hitting against the headrest. She hadn’t been able to see through her tears as he righted himself and got into the car, slamming the door shut after him.

“Will you go?” he asked, sinking down into the seat to peek out from the window. “The neighbors are going to hate me now.”

The drive to get there was a bit of a task, traffic in the city was always a fucking nightmare, and parking was even worse. But they’d found a spot that Amanda had whipped into before the fucking pick-up could steal it from her. They walked over to the building that was around the block, Amanda pulling the tickets from her purse to get them in the door with little purple paper wristbands. She had to help Toby get his on, having to stand off to the side as they hunched over his wrist.

Then they were in.

“There is way more than 100 people here,” she pretended she did not hear Toby say as she walked them over to the stage area. It was standing room, obviously, and everyone that was there was mostly crowded up by the front or trying to get a drink order in before the set started. She could feel her boots sticking to the floor as they kicked through plastic bottles and wadded up napkins.

“How much did you pay for this?” he asked.

“What does it matter to you? It’s not your money,” she replied, staking their claim on a spot by the wall. She liked having at least one side of her not surrounded by strangers who could potentially be fucking annoying.

The opening band was fine. They weren’t something that she would seek out again on her own but were entertaining for the moment, the anticipation building up in her stomach. Toby, as she suspected he would be, was sort of the perfect companion. He was quiet when he needed to be and talked when she needed him to, like asking if she wanted water or a drink and bringing them just in time for the actual show to begin.

It was great. The crowd was a little annoying with their lack of noise control when the band was trying to talk, and at one point someone had to be dragged out the front door when he’d taken a tumble, but other than that, it had been great. The music wasn’t a disappointment live and the girls on stage knew how to put on a show. Amanda was pleasantly toasted by the end of the set, shouting along with everyone else as they asked for an encore. And then the second encore.

It was over far too soon, honestly. She wanted to live in that moment forever but knew she had to go home at some point.

She hadn’t even noticed Toby had disappeared during the second encore until he reappeared at her side from behind a couple that were swaying together to the sound of the crowd shuffling into a line for merch. Ugh, she had wanted a shirt but she didn’t want to wait in-

“You still like to wear mediums instead of smalls, don’t you?” Toby asked, holding up a shirt. She blinked then grinned, snatching it from him to shove over her head. Amanda breathed in the absolutely disgusting smell of the room one last time before deflating.

“Alright,” she sighed. “Let’s go.”

They started out the front door and when she went to go in the direction of her car, Toby caught her by saying her name. She stopped, turning to look at him, thinking maybe he’d forgotten his wallet or something at the table.

“Where’re you going?”

Amanda frowned. “The car?”

“...but…don’t you want to meet the band?”

“What? No, they aren’t even doing a meet and greet.”

Toby snorted. “Come on.”

She did not follow him until he got too far without looking back at her for her to not jog after him. They walked down the street until there was a break in the buildings and they turned down the little alleyway that opened up on a back lot. Presumably where employees of the establishments put their cars and where deliveries came to drop off. There were a few cars there and toward the back was a large bus and truck behind it.

An open door, stuck that way by a piece of wood sitting at the bottom, had people coming in and out of it. They were dressed in black, pushing black boxes on wheels with silver linings and buckles over to the truck to sit in neat rows. There were other random assortment of bags and boxes sitting in the lot by the car.

Her eyes widened when she realized what it was and she turned to look at Toby. He was not looking at her though and she blinked at the person walking beside her. She fucking hated when people did this, because after the first 1,000 times it just became a grating joke that made her want to shout No, you’re not fucking original!!! at anyone who said it, but Toby looked…determined.

She faltered, falling a step behind him when he didn’t stop as they got closer. Amanda figured they were just going to hang out by the bus. There was already a little crowd of people who weren’t doing anything but standing and talking by the nose of the bus, on the side with the door. She clocked their wrists, the purple bands. That’s where they belonged, surely.

But Toby just kept going. Passed the crowd, passed the boxes, until someone cut in front of him.

“Uh uh,” said the guy. He was security, judging by the thick arms and chiseled jaw.

“Oh, sorry there, mate!” Toby smiled up at the guy, who towered over both of them. They were both short, gifted by their mother’s genes. “We’re here for Bridget. We’re the cousins.”

“Who?” asked the security guy.

Toby made a face, then looked at Amanda like he was confused, too. She was pretty sure she was the most fucking confused out all three of them. He turned back, “Um, Bridget…she plays the drums?”

“I thought her name was Taylor.”

“For the opening band,” Toby said, like he was correcting the guy.

Aaaand Amanda had finally caught on to what her brother was trying to do here. She felt sick. It wasn’t that lying was a no-no to her, but she wasn’t big on being embarrassed, avoided it at all costs if she could, that's why she had built up her confidence to be an unmovable object and ability to not give a fuck an unstoppable force. It wasn’t easy to rattle her but the prospect of getting kicked out of the parking lot by this bands crew after trying to lie their way in, with a bunch of fellow fans to bare witness, after having a perfectly good night and knowing the walk of shame passed that crowd would fucking ruin it, she hated this. She hated her brother for doing this to her. Since when did he do shit like this? Or talk like this? Why hadn’t he told her he was going to do this? If she had known she wouldn’t have fucking followed him, she would have left his dumb ass here and driven home.

She blinked. Suddenly there was someone else there dressed in all black. A woman, with a hoodie and cargo pants, she had a belt with clips and various things attached to it, too.

“Yeah, no, that’s right,” she said, like she was confirming a question that had been asked of her. Her eyes found Amanda’s for a moment, then looked down to her shirt, before she returned to the conversation that was happening between Toby and the security guard. Amanda tuned back in, too.

“-ust ask her. She said we were supposed to meet her back here. I mean, it’s fine if not, but I just don’t want her to think we didn’t come.”

The security guard seemed to consider this, then he glanced to the woman who shrugged. She turned around, going back inside, narrowly avoiding someone who was carrying out a guitar case. Amanda’s eyes followed them as they brought it over to the bus, the doors opening to let them on. When they disappeared inside she refocused and found herself looking at the crowd of fans. They were all looking at her. Amanda quickly whipped back around.

It took a few minutes. Some very painful minutes, though they did allow Amanda time to think about the ways she could kill her brother.

“Hey, Garrett!”

The security guard turned, Amanda leaned to see around his hulking mass to find the woman from before. She was leaning into the doorway, only her shoulders and up were visible as she was trying to stay out of the way of the people moving things still. And, seriously, it was a small ass venue? How much shit could they be carrying out of the place?

“They’re good,” she said with a nod and thumbs up before disappearing.

Amanda could not fucking believe it. The security guard led them over to the door, just letting them walk right inside.

They ducked out of the way of a guy rolling one of those boxes, giving Amanda time to dig her nails into Toby’s arm and ask, “What the fuck! We’re not anyone’s cousins!”

“Technically we do have-”

“Shut the fuck up,” she hissed before they both kept walking down the hall. “You know what I mean, you idiot! That wasn’t even a good lie! She’s going to know we aren’t-”

“No, she isn’t,” he assured her. “She doesn’t know what we look like.”

“Does she even have cousins coming?”

“Yeah, but we’ll be gone by the time they get here.”

“How do you-”

“Come on,” he cut her off, leading her into a room. The walls and ceiling were covered with stickers. There was couches along the right and back walls. The left had a table with a bunch of snacks on it, and the front by the door sat a large mirror with bright lights. The table below it had a few little bags that Amanda recognized to be for make-up and toiletries. She had one herself, though not as cute as the ones sitting, opened and spilled out on the table.

The band was in this room, all of them lounging on the various couches with food and water, talking excitedly to one another, before one of them noticed the two of them standing there.

Amanda blushed furiously, eyes darting to Toby, waiting to see what he’d do.

“Hi! Layne told me it’d be a good time?”

“Uh…” said Cierra, the bass player. “...for what?”

“The interview!” Toby said. He smiled and gestured to Amanda, who could only wave at the girls at this point. They all glanced at one another, waiting to see if the other knew something they didn’t. When no one seemed to know what was going on, they all looked back to Toby. His smile dimmed a little and then he tried again. He bumbled about to pat at his pockets, starting with his jacket and then his pants until was pulling out his stupid newspaper card to show them, “Uh, sorry, I…I’m from a local paper? The Yowie Mail. We contacted your manager and she said you’d all agreed to do an interview with a fan from the area. She just let us in.”

“Did she tell you?” Frankie, the singer, asked their drum player, Dawn, who only shrugged and shook her head. No one else confirmed nor denied.

“Oh, I’m- I’m so sorry,” Toby said, he looked at Amanda then back to the band, “We can wait while you confirm if you’d like?”

“Yeah, uh- oh, hey! Layne!” Frankie stood, waving a hand. In the door, the woman from the back door stopped again, hand on the door frame pulling her back into view. “Did you just let these guys in?”

“What?” the woman asked, then looked to Toby and Amanda. Toby smiled and waved at her. And she nodded, “Oh, yeah.”

“Oh. Okay,” Frankie said. “Did-”

“Sorry, I need to- hey! Don! Don’t lift that!” she shouted and then was gone.

Amanda looked back to the band, who seemed to be holding a silent conversation with one another as to whether or not they were going to do this. After a moment, they all looked over at Toby and Amanda. “Okay! We have a while before we can leave anyway. Come and sit!”

And they did.

It was actually pretty cool after Amanda managed to get over the hump of the initial awkwardness and mind fuck that had gotten them in the door. She kept waiting for the manager or the security guard to come in, pick them up, and toss them out on their asses. But they never did. Amanda got to ask all the questions she could think of, which was hard to do on the spot, but Toby stepped in when she had stuttered too much. It hadn’t taken her long to get comfortable, though. She wasn’t the kind of person who sat in the formal pleasantries, she liked conversations.

Pretty soon the interview fell away into a hangout session and then Toby was standing and saying they’d better be on their way. Amanda hadn’t wanted to leave, had started to protest, but then saw the meaningful look on his face. Oop. Yep. Gotta go.

She waved goodbye to the girls.

“Wait!” Frankie said. “Can we sign something for you or anything?”

“Oh,” Amanda blinked. “I don’t have…”

“What about your shirt?” Toby suggested.

“Ooo! Yeah!” the band cooed in agreement.

All the girls got up, using a marker that was on one of the tables for labeling the drink cups, and one by one signed a spot on the shirt. She thanked them, even getting a hug from Frankie, and then left with Toby. Out the back, passed the little group of fans, out the alley, and back onto the street until they got to the car.

She sat in her seat for a minute before asking, again, “What the fuck?”

“Jeez, it’s already 1:30?” Toby replied, leaning his seat back a little. “I’m getting too old to stay up this late anymore.”

“Toby! Shut the fuck up about the time!” she said, punching him in the shoulder. He flinched away.

“Ow!”

“What the fuck was that?”

“I thought you wanted to meet the band!”

“I-! I mean-!” her mouth worked to get all her thoughts that were smashing together but couldn’t get them to be coherent until she closed her eyes and took a breath. “Okay, I am going to ask a question and you’re going to answer it.”

“Right.”

“How the fuck did you know who Bridget was and that she had cousins?”

“I’d gone to get you that drink after her band played,” Toby said. “And she was next to me, talking to the bar manager about how her cousins were coming and if they did before the show was done, to tell them to come see her. Then, when I was getting your shirt, she was asking if they’d seen them and they said no. So then she said to tell them to come around to the back. I figured, since they didn’t make it to the show, they probably weren’t coming at all.”

“You figured,” she repeated then shook that off. “Okay. So, then, the manager? How did you know her name?”

“I didn’t,” shrugged Toby. “Just got the drummer’s from-”

“No, no! I mean the band’s manager.”

“The security guard,” he said, looking at her funny. “He’d said it when we were talking to him?”

“Oh,” Amanda frowned. It must have been when she was freaking the fuck out. “How did you know the interview thing would work? Like, what if she’d actually stuck around for them to ask about it?”

“I didn’t. Just sorta hoped she’d be too busy dealing with the bad hired help to pay us much mind.”

“Fuck,” she sighed, finally sitting back in her seat to absorb all of this. “Fuck.”

“Did you not want to meet them?”

“No, I-! That was great,” she said, smiling to herself as she remembered bits of the conversation. “It was really nice. I just…how the fuck did you learn to lie so well? You can barely keep a straight face when you tell mum that dad didn’t eat her leftovers.”

“That’s different. That’s mum. And this was for you. Plus, now I have a story to pitch to my editor on Monday.”

“Story?”

“About the band! I have to make sure they see an article with their interview, don’t I?”

Amanda looked over at him. He was slumped against the door, arms crossed over his chest. He sort of reminded her of their dad when he got to the couch, out like a light as soon as he turned on the tv after a long day of work.

“Right,” she smiled and then patted his shoulder.

“Ow,” he whined. Yeah, Toby wasn’t the typical older brother, but he was her brother.

#swynwrimo

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lonelier-version-of-you · 1 year

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I’m about to watch S15E30 “Only Human”, this is the liveblog post, people probably get the idea by now. 😆

Edit 1: Lol, Malick complaining about a lift test and Nathan saying “you take the stairs every day”, to which Malick replies “it’s the principle of the thing!”. I suppose he’s got a point!

Edit 2: Jac always looks great when she’s wearing black. It’s a colour that really suits her.

Edit 3: Oof, Jac misreading Mo and thinking she (Mo) knows that she (Jac) has slept with Jonny again... leading to her letting it slip to Mo that she’s slept with Jonny again. Yeah, that’s a bit awkward.

Edit 4: Dom really has always been Dom.

Edit 5: Oh, this is the one where Malick treats the serial killer, isn’t it? In later Holby no one would’ve cared, it’s not like they didn’t see the same thing from their own colleagues. 😩

Edit 6: Ric pointing out that Sacha shouldn’t be involved in treating Rachel because she’s his daughter. Again, remember when Holby cared about this? *cough* Ange operating on Dom *cough*

Edit 7: Sacha’s shirt in this episode is yet another one for the list of great Sacha shirts.

Edit 8: This episode is already being really unsubtle about Chantelle’s autism.

Edit 9: Henrik talking to Malick about Malick treating a serial killer is hilarious. Given... well... who the love of Henrik’s life is.

Edit 10: I do kind of hope that this patient “faking” her disability turns out to actually have something wrong with her that hadn’t been picked up on. I’d much prefer that as a storyline. I guess I’ll have to see how the story plays out though.

Edit 11: Hang on, so about Malick’s patient, the DCI said: “She may not have murdered anyone herself, but we know she helped him [her boyfriend] cover it up.” Ahahahaha that makes Henrik talking to Malick about her even funnier - like, sound like anyone we know?!

Also, Malick’s comment about having seen a lot of “women who will do anything to protect their boyfriends”. Oh, Malick, it’s not just women, as your boss will prove in five series’ time.

Edit 12: Oh my goodness, the patient’s serial killer boyfriend committed suicide. Again, sound like anyone we know?!?!

Also, Malick, my beloved.

Edit 13: Oh, Sacha :( Bob Barrett is so good.

Edit 14: The actress playing Amanda, Malick’s patient, is fantastic.

Edit 15: Rachel :((

Edit 16: “Ego is the distance between one’s capabilities and one’s ambitions. There’s no room for it here.” That’s all very well and good, Henrik, but utterly hypocritical - Mr. Clarke the psychiatrist didn’t call you a narcissist for nothing (I know that didn’t happen until several series later). Come on Henrik, up until, like, the beginning of this series you were making your entire identity revolve around how great you thought you were (or wanted to think you were, rather).

Edit 17: Michael sticking up for Malick!

Edit 18: Sacha is breaking my heart. :(

Edit 19: Jimmy Akingbola is excellent, as always.

I can’t help imagining if this patient storyline had happened later, after Gaskell, and Henrik had been the doctor involved instead. It’s interesting to think about how he would’ve reacted. I can imagine him having a yelling “you said nothing, don’t the families deserve answers” breakdown like Malick did, but obviously it would be coming from a place of projection as much as one of moral anger.

Edit 20: The foreshadowing for Jac being pregnant is quite heavy-handed. She’s literally just said she’d never want offspring with Jonny.

Edit 21: These Sacha scenes really are heartbreaking.

Edit 22: Amanda: “You know, it’s not easy to love someone like me, but Thomas did. Even though I didn’t deserve it.” She is a perfect parallel to Henrik.

Edit 23: That Sacha and Rachel scene. :(

Edit 24: So the Darwin patient was just a generic “faking disability” narrative then, it seems. :/

Edit 25: And there we go, Jac’s pregnant.

Edit 26: I was not expecting Malick getting slapped!

#holby s15 rewatch #tw;suicide mention

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libraryleopard · 1 year

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All the books I read in 2022, under the cut (* = reread)

January

Giant-Size X-Men by Jonathan Hickman et al

The Accursed Vampire by Madeline McGrane

House of X/Powers of X by Jonathan Hickman et al*

A Master of Djinn by P. Djèlí Clark

Once & Future vol. 1: The King is Undead by Kieron Gillen et al

X-23: Innocence Lost by Craig Kyle*

The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris

Heartstopper vol. 2 by Alice Oseman*

Heartstopper vol. 3 by Alice Oseman*

Darius the Great Deserves Better by Adib Khorram

Once and Future vol 2 by Kieron Gillen et al

Once and Future vol 3 by Kieron Gillen et al

Die vol. 1: Fantasy Heartbreaker by Kieron Gillen and Stephanie Hans

Moon Knight vol. 1: Lunatic by Jeff Lemire and Greg Smallwood

Die vol. 2: Split the Party by Kieron Gillen and Stephanie Hans

The Conductors by Nicole Glover

Die vol. 3: The Great Game by Kieron Gillen and Stephanie Hans

Excalibur vol. 3 by Tini Howard and Marcus To

Die vol. 4: Bleed by Kieron Gillen and Stephanie Hans

February

Queen of the Sea by Dylan Meconis

Not My Problem by Ciara Smyth

Something Is Killing the Children vol. 1 by James Tynion IV and Werther Dell’Edera

Call Us What We Carry by Amanda Gorman

Not For Use in Navigation by Iona Datt Sharma

Our Violent Ends by Chloe Gong

Sabrina and Corina by Kali Farjado-Anstine

It Goes Like This by Miel Moreland

Sooner or Later Everything Falls into the Sea by Sarah Pinsker

Silver in the Wood by Emily Tesh

Little Thieves by Margaret Owen

Wylding Hall by Elizabeth Hand

The Drowned Country by Emily Tesh

March

Bad Things Happen Here by Rebecca Barrow

A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske

Shit Cassandra Saw by Gwen E. Kirby

Some By Virtue Fall by Alexandra Rowland

The Sandman vol. 3: Dream Country by Neil Gaiman

The Duchess War by Courtney Milan

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Druids: A Very Short Introduction by Barry Cunliffe

April

Homesick by Nino Cipri

The Longest Night by E.E. Ottoman

The Ex Talk by Rachel Lynn Solomon

Hellions vol. 3 by Zeb Wells

S.W.O.R.D. vol 2 by Al Ewing

Latchkey by Nicole Kornher-Stace

Tales of the Elders of Ireland translated by Ann Dooley

May

Supersex: Sexuality, Fantasy, and the Superhero edited by Anna F. Peppard

Sorcerer to the Crown by Zen Cho*

June

Ophelia After All by Racquel Marie

From Dust, A Flame by Rebecca Podos

Fangs by Sarah Andersen

I Killed Zoe Spanos by Kit Frick

Spirits Abroad by Zen Cho

Far Sector by N.K. Jemisin and Jamal Campbell

Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall and Lisa Sterle

Cheer Up: Love and Pompoms by Crystal Frasier and Val Wise

The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar

Icebreaker by A.L. Graziadei

The Daughters of Ys by M.T. Anderson and Jo Rioux

Queer As All Get Out: 10 People Who’ve Inspired Me by Shelby Criswell

Messy Roots by Laura Gao

The Wolf Among the Wild Hunt by Merc Fenn Wolfmoor

Summer Sons by Lee Mandelo

Vampires Never Get Old: New Tales With Fresh Bite edited by Zoraida Córdova and Natalie C. Parker

She Gets the Girl by Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derick

The Scapegracers by H.A. Clarke

Abbott vol. 1 by Saladin Ahmed and Sami Kivelä

Abbott vol. 2 by Saladin Ahmed and Sami Kivelä

Ready When You Are by Gary Lonesborough

The Heartbreak Bakery by A.R. Capetta

Stone Fruit by Lee Lai

For the Love of April French by Penny Aimes

July

X-Men vol. 1 by Gerry Duggan

Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky

Lost and Found Kathryn Schulz

X-Men: Season One by Dennis Hopeless and Jamie McKelvie

Shadow Life by Hiromi Goto and Ann Xu

Harleen by Stjepan Šejić

The Midnight Girls by Alicia Jasinska

Marvel’s Voices: Pride (2022)

A Caribbean Heiress in Paris by Adriana Herrera

Weather Girl by Rachel Lynn Solomon

The Screaming Staircase by Jonathan Stroud*

Galaxy: The Prettiest Star by Jadzia Axelrod and Jess Taylor

¡Hola Papi!: How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons by John Paul Brammer

Some of My Best Friends: Essays on Lip Service by Tajja Isen

The Whispering Skull by Jonathan Lockwood*

The Department of Truth vol. 1: The End of the World by James Tynion and Martin Simmonds

Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson

Excalibur vol. 1: The Sword is Drawn by Chris Claremont and Alan Davis

The Memory Librarian and Other Stories by Janelle Monáe and others

Excalibur vol. 2: Two-Edged Sword by Chris Claremont and Alan Davus

Payback’s a Witch by Lana Harper

X-Men Hellfire Gala bind-up by various authors

X-Men: Magneto Testament by Greg Pak and Carmine di Giandomenico

Seeing Ghosts by Kat Chow

Ellen Outside the Lines by A.J. Sass

Black Bolt vol. 1: Hard Time by Saladin Ahmed and Christian Ward

Black Bolt vol. 2 by Saladin Ahmed and Christian Ward

The Hollow Boy by Jonathan Stroud*

Never Ever Getting Back Together by Sophie Gonzales

August

The Creeping Shadow by Jonathan Stroud*

The Empty Grave by Jonathan Stroud

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian

The Nice House on the Lake by James Tynion IV and Álvaro Martínez Bueno

Battle Royal by Lucy Parker

Sandman vol. 4: Season of Mists by Neil Gaiman and others

The Revolution of Birdie Randolph by Brandy Colbert

Sandman vol. 5: A Game of You by Neil Gaiman and various

King of Infinite Space by Lyndsay Faye

I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston

Off the Record by Camryn Garrett

Artie and the Wolf Moon by Olivia Stephens

By Any Means Necessary by Candice Montgomery

Sandman vol. 6: Fables and Reflections by Neil Gaiman and various

Ireland in the Medieval World AD 400-1000: Landscape, kingship, and religion by Edel Bhreathnach

Sandman vol. 7: Brief Lives by Neil Gaiman and others

The Many Death of Laila Starr by Ram V and Felipe Amdrade

Sandman vol. 8: Worlds’ End by Neil Gaiman and various

Sandman vol. 9: The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman and various

Sandman vol. 10: The Wake by Neil Gaiman and various

The Duke Who Didn’t by Courtney Milan

Hellblazer vol. 3: The Fear Machine by Jamie Delano

Something is Killing the Children vol. 1 by James Tynion Iv, Werther Dell’Edera, and Miquel Muerto

Something is Killing the Children vol. 2 by James Tynion Iv, Werther Dell’Edera,

Black Spring by Alison Croggon

September

Silver Under Nightfall by Rin Chupeco

What Souls Are Made Of by Tasha Suri

Spear by Nicola Griffith

Piranesi by Susanna Clark

October

Bach in the Barn by Leigh Ellis

Time is a Mother by Ocean Vuong

A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers

Hellblazer vol. 4: The Family Man by Jamie Delano and others

John Constantine, Hellblazer: All His Engines by John Carey and Leonardo Manco

The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite

House of Hunger by Alexis Henderson

Hellblazer vol. 5: Dangerous Habits by Jamie Delano, Garth Ennis and others

The Táin translated by Thomas Kinsella*

Dark Earth by Rebecca Stott

Hellblazer vol. 6: Bloodlines by Garth Ennis and others

Skin of the Sea by Natasha Bowen

Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

November

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Wild, Again by Bertha Rogers

Half a Soul by Olivia Atwater

Heart of Stone by Johannes T. Evans

A Spindle Splintered by Alix E. Harrow

Like Other Girls by Britta Lundin

Hellblazer vol. 7: Tainted Love by Garth Ennis and others

The Perilous Life of Jade Yeo by Zen Cho

A Mirror Mended by Alix E. Harrow

Notorious Sorcerer by Davinia Evans

Honey and Spice by Bolu Babalola

Desdemona and the Deep by C.S.E. Cooney

Hellblazer vol. 8: Rake at the Gates of Hell by Garth Ennis, Steve Dillon, and others

December

A Restless Truth by Freya Marske

A Scatter of Light by Malinda Lo

A Lush and Seething Hell by John Hornor Jacobs

Woman, Eating by Claire Kohda

Kaleidoscope: Diverse YA Science Fiction and Fantasy Stories edited by Alisa Krasnostein and Julia Rios

The Hurting King by Ada Limón

My Soul to Keep by Tananarive Due

Dead Collections by Isaac Fellman

Ring Shout by P. Djèlí Clark

Ghost Of by Diana Khoi Nguyen

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle

Sword Stone Table edited by Swapna Krishna and Jenn Northington

Snowspelled by Stephanie Burgis

R E D by Chase Berggrun

Truth Be Cold by Alexa Barstow

Ravage the Dark by Tara Sim

#2022 reads #lulu speaks #lulu reads #books

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