#also why do men think theyre the only people who fucking work
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divorced men are genuinely the most bitter, pathetic, delusional, misogynistic, disgusting "people" on the face of the earth. I hope his ex wife took everything
#this is literally the average post on that sub#also why do men think theyre the only people who fucking work#his wife probably worked equal hours AND did all the housework#LX3 op
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OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c
honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈💕💕💕💕💕
also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-
keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.
hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p
First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.
next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭
envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕
envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu
Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-
next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-
DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//
DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.
ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕
ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-
okay some more or less crack ships down here:
ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-
ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-
ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔
LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-
ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-
DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]
okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...
J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=
Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.
Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔
aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.
#snow rambles#murder drones#uzi doorman#tessa james elliot#nuzi#biscuitbites#vuzi#violetviolence#envuzi#violentbitingbiscuits#jessa#j x tessa#envy murder drones#envy#n x v#solverlilies#bloodypink#dollzi#bloodybats#dizzy murder drones#killingblonde
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Read over what was going on with anon asks and your posts, and tbh, if you are 16 and you are reaching this kind of critical thinking and actively trying to better yourself through meaningful debates and convos, you are doing god's fucking work from early. I couldn't even begin to form the kind of arguments you are articulating at your age in your posts, so fucking kudos.
I have a similar opinion of sexism being bad no matter the form it takes, patriarchy affects everyone because it imposes roles on everyone, not only women. Breaking those roles on all sides and genders should be the ultimate goal, not try to benefit from the system to become the oppressor.
In any case dude, good luck with the unavoidable influx of people who will misinterpret your posts. Also, your art is hella cool!
i think that alot of ppl just have a rlly hard time like, getting over the gut response to defend themselves when they recieve some kind of serious critisism, like, i think ppl understand on some level that sexism as a concept is stupid, but it can be hard to fully see all the nuances it takes and like, actually recognize it when its subtler
sexism is bad and when i point out that alot of you guys believe ideas that are like, really sexist then thats like, im assuming none of you are like "YEAA SEXISM RUELZZZ!!!! I HATE PEOPLE BASED ON THIER GENDOR" and u rlly rlly dont wanna be lumped into that group
its rlly normal to not wanna be mischaracterized and if you dont self identify as sexist then when someone points out sexist retoric it feels like an unfair and reductive veiw of u
and its like, you really really really need to work past that, im talking abt this stuff because i want ppl to change and be better and if you want that for yourself u have to like rlly chew on these kinds of things
i think what alot of people have issues with is like, relatability in artwork, like "of course im gonna like art with queer women in it more and find it more valueble if im a queer woman" but i think that this points to a really rigid and uphelpful veiw of gender
ive discussed before that, because the mind numbing ammount of biological differences people have theres no actual objective definition of sex or gender, its socially constructed and entirely arbitrary and subjective
i think that labels for sexuality and gender are useful shorthand in our current society though ideally we wouldnt need them, but you need to remember that these things arent rigid
butch lesbian is not a definable group, gay man is not a definable group, they are arbitrary words that mean something different for literally every different person
likewise acting like those meaningless labels somehow make some artwork more or less valueble just points to a bias against people with a certain label
like, the labels dont mean anything they shouldnt change your veiw of a work, if you resonate with a peice of work why does it matter what label is put on it? why does that affect your veiw on the peice?
and yes you are objectively going to relate to some experiences more then others, but i dont think relatability should effect how you value the work, infact id argue seeing perspectives different then your own is incredibly incredibly valueble and, if your disregarding (even subconciously) certain things because theyre made by men then that not only hurts men but it hurts you, it isolates you
maybe i didnt word that perfectly im not always the most articulate but like, i think most of the issues people are having with this are coming from me articulating things maybe not as intuatively as i could or from people refusing to properly engadge with what i have to say
idk, regarding the people accusing me of transmysogeny i just wanna say that like, I AM NOT ALLERGIC TO TALKING TO YOU ABT THIS!! i want to be better and i dont want to be mysogenistic! and if you do see concerning behavior in me i want to be told of it, you keeping these kinds of things to yourself or refusing to engadge with me when i actively am trying to be like, thourough and nuanced about things is just kinda, not productive
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Yknow I've been watching the movie she's the man and I'm thinking
Obviously an au, but here's my thoughts
It's about to be the start of the school's first semester and Enid has an older brother who has a passion for singing
He has the chance to go on a tour with his friends but he can't just leave his school like that
So he has the brilliant idea to ask Enid to step in for him. Literally. Like full on crossdress.
Enid, who attends a special school for special werewolves (plot hole and an online school) has finished her course work for the next two months and is currently just crotcheting shit in boredom. She hasn't gotten much reasons to be out the house because well, her condition is low key kinda volatile
She can't shift, but intense emotions makes her pop a wolf attribute or two
The fam are generally better here, while they think wolfing out would fix Enid's condition, theyre more concerned and focus on coddling her
Enid, who knows their ways of dressing is absolutely different and that she'll get caught immedietely: are you serious??
Brother: I'll buy you first seat tickets to that one Taylor swift concert that's arriving around the time I get back
Enid with nothing else to do and alot of free time: SOLD and make it two
Brother: wha- fine!
Enid: you're also going to explain it to mom and dad
Brother: NO-
Esther and Murray aren't pleased but they're generally more concerned over Enid.
It took a bit, alot of convincing because this would be the longest Enid would be out the house but they agreed. The reason that it'd be good for Enid to socialize and talk to people her age convincing them that a new environment might help her wolf out
Anyways, for this au we gonna end up messing up Enid's design :(
her brothers hair looks alot more dirty blond so if I ever draw this, it'd look like that. And actually draw short hair Enid! Woo
Also I wasn't wrong abt the wolf features so she usually has some sort of side burns bc she's just genuinely really happy to be out the house and being about
She also probably rooms with Ajax, much to her horror bc fuck she's rooming with a guy!? But then she remembers that she roomed with her brothers, it's not that different
Enjax bromance happens, he's usually to high to notice and they're vibing
Then Enid has to partner up with the ever so infamous wednesday Addams for biology
Wednesday here is rather known in nevermore as the silent ice queen. Studious, cold and uncaring. She's there to get her things done and gtfo, no friends needed
But then her attention gets caught at the rather squeamish werewolf of a partner. Most men who talk to her usually had two types, business or annoying. The annoying were the ones that try to court her, acting all tough and that they can handle her. I can fix her! Is a phrase that gets tossed around. It all crumbles the moment they realize that threats she make, the lines she is willing to cross and the things she keep in her room weren't simply lies.
Yoko can barely handle it and she drank blood. It's not surprising but it is disappointing.
It disgusts her, that false brovado. All fake and lies. The promises they can't even keep. How can they even be a partner, let alone a good husband if there was no faith?
Atleast she can deal with business, those were the ones she can tolerate the most. They were there to do their work and only bother her when necessary.
Enid Sinclair (we gotta work on a boy name or smth) was.. Interesting. He would be situated in business, if he didn't seem to always be right where she was most of the time.
In the library (Enid's eyes got overstimulated walking outside so she took a break
Or she does extra online school work there bc it's a good area to focus in, Wednesday Def wonders why tf she taking advanced insert subject name)
The greenhouse (the smell is reminiscent of her room back home, she takes care of alot of plants and she hopes that her mother is taking care of them)
Outside in the dark (enid has all this freedom so you bet she's doing all sorts of kinda reckless things. Like staying up late, running around the campus at night and maybe buying some food from Jericho at like 3 am)
Fencing of all places (reason explained later on the post but Wednesday is wondering how such a stick thin boy is handling himself OK)
But what frustrates her the most is how unapologetically a pussy he is. Like this boy isn't afraid to scrunch his noise and lean far away from the carcass they have to dissect. Then he inches closer and tries it with an obviously green ass face bc he needs to do it for the grade.
Not to impress her but for school
The courage is admirable
And well, can you blame her for wondering what's up with the guy that always says hi whenever they pass by each other after their first class together? Not alot of people are willing to interact with her other than the usual brisk acknowledgement between her and yoko
There's Bianca but they're rivals so it doesn't count
Enid? He'd be walking with his pack of stoners and still say hi if he passes by. Gives a thumbs up if he ever sees her looking and mentions that he saw this flower and that it reminded him of her
It was weird
It was.. Nice
(oh no)
Enid on her side is hyped as FUCK. she's finally out of the house so she has freedom to do some reckless shit
So you bet she signs up for the fencing club bc rough housing? Her parents didn't let her do that!
Gets her ass beat by yoko
Asks for a rematch
Still gets her ass beat
It's only when she's lowkey bruised and her body is sore does Yoko come over and ask if she's good
Enid laughs and accepts the hand given. "never been better!" bc that burn in her muscles? Addicting and so friendship is born
Bianca and Wednesday watching from the side
Bianca: did ur roomie awaken something in him?? Bc this is just masochistic
Wednesday, admiring how sisyphus-esque the whole situation was: no he's always been weird
Anyways that's it, there's definitely a moment where yoko is going into the bathroom and Enid nearly follows her in out of habit
Enid definitely is alot touchier here as well. Always gotta have an arm around someone's shoulder and a hand on someone's back.
Wenclair happens eventually!
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Someone should tell Eve that squeak doesn't get to decide how we feel about squeak's characters.
REAL. this is definitely gonna set some people off, but the whole "cuddles is the only real villain in the entire story and all the other staff are actually innocent" narrative is bullshit. nearly everyone that works at that hospital tortures and permanently detriments innocent lives if not ending them entirely in brutal ways, and were supposed to just forgive every single one just because "theyre being forced to do so"?
also, the "one true villain" being the only cishet and likely only neurotypical in the comic really rubs me the wrong way. apparently the reason sparklecare even got rebooted was because kneeby thought having evil characters also be queer was "bad representation". i am not a fan of the "queer people can do no wrong" approach. as someone whos gay and under the trans umbrella, id like to point you towards dahmer and chris chan.
jeffrey dahmer was a gay man who cannibalized other gay men. christine chandler is a transgender woman who committed incest. those traits are not mutually exclusive in the real world. they are taken simultaneously, unrelated to eachother unless you go out of your way to relate them. and i think its safe to say that nobody would try and link dahmers sexuality with his actions unless theyre homophobic.
just because one figure within a minority is fucked up, does not mean the rest of the minority is fucked up by association. if that was the case, then id be associated with edp445 and h/tler due to the fact im black and suffer from autism. but thats not the case at all, so why are the clowns so afraid of letting queer characters be antagonists, or vice versa?
all the nurses are treated like theyre completely innocent just because of their identities and/or them being possibly coded as neurodivergent. it seriously comes across as infantilizing queer and/or autistic people, which as someone whos both, i do not like. especially nurse puppy. i do not like the way puppy is written.
puppy is, in my opinion, the most explicitly autistic coded character in the comic (not including characters that are confirmed to be). lo is also the most babied by both the clowns and the fandom. loves whole premise is that cuddles brainwashed lov into seeing loves job (murdering and torturing innocent civilians) as a fun game. lo is canonically 30 years old, by the way.
speaking from experience, us autists are relatively easy to take advantage of when were younger, due to our difficulty grasping social cues. ive been taken advantage of by so many people in just fourteen years of being on this earth. ive been groomed, sextorted by someone who i saught out comfort from after said grooming, painted as a predator by the very person who sextorted me, and then propped by my only remaining "friend" group who would bring all that shit up just to milk my reaction and use it to further damage my reputation.
almost all these people were also queer and autistic, and coincidentally also liked sparklecare, my sextorter being the one who initially got me into it, since he had a uni pfp one time. theyre also victims of similar shit themselves. does that mean all queers/autists/sparklecare fans/abuse victims are like them? no. but does being any of those things excuse the torment they put me through? no the fuck it does not. you cannot give me the excuse of them "not knowing" or being "brainwashed", theyre all at least two years older than me, some being legal adults as im writing. you cannot convince me they didnt intend to fuck me up.
so it reasonably infuriates me to see a Grown Ass 30 Year Old Adult That Murders People For Fun And Listens To Them Scream In Misery With A Smile On Loves Face given the excuse of "lo doesnt know!!!! blame cuddles not lov!!!!" and the fandom just not questioning that at all. imagine watching your lover or best friend get murdered by someone breaking into their house and chucking a toaster into their bath while theyre taking a shower, and the cops* tell you to sue the manufacturers of the toaster. see how fucked that logic is? thats basically sparklecare.
*not like you should trust american cops but i needed an example ok
one of these people i described earlier happens to kin puppy, what a surprise. maybe im just projecting, but the most explicitly autistic coded character (also the only character so far that uses neopronouns/identifies as a xenogender) being treated this way is revolting to say the least, and i feel like lo is made immune to criticism by the clowns because lo just so happens to be those things. if this character werent queer, they would give no chances.* i will gladly allow puppy to exist as is, same personality, everything, i dont mind. its the constant infantilization and justification of loves abhorrent actions that upsets me.
*and this applies to all the other nurses in the comic, except maybe nurse snare since shes practically nonexistant after volume one. but in volume one we are shown barry being tortured and injured by, as far as i can tell, every nurse thats been introduced so far. barry, one of the fandoms most beloved characters, is put through excruciating pain and trauma on screen (with a million trigger warnings before each page, in typical clowns fashion) and nobody gives a fuck once its over, just because everyones queer except cuddles, and cuddles is the Only One To Blame For Anything At All Times.
the cycle of abuse is extremely common. an abuser being a victim does not cancel out them being an abuser, and if theyre not actively seeking help theyre a bad person, regardless of what minorities they belong to. but that does not mean everybody within that minority is a bad person. sparklecares creators and fandom cant seem to grasp that. kneeby cannot erase my opinions on the way the staff is portrayed.
#WARNING#I START TALKING ABOUT TRAUMA LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH THE POST#tw grooming#sparklecriticism#sparklecare criticism#.png.svg
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"hello burger lady!! tiny people. BOB."
THE SLOW HEAD TURN WHILE FISCHOEDER IS STARING AT THEM LMAOO he's such a freak. what is he doing
aww linda put a smiley face on the check thats so cute. "nooo i enjoyed it :)"
A BROTHERHOOD?? BLOOD OATH? love how louise hears this and immediately stands up she's like hello. hello im interested. PLEASE let me into your blood oath club mr fischoder
babalon like the ancient uhh. thing.
ooooh :0
(also my dad used to call my mom babalon among MANY other creative insults when they were married and this immediately brought that memory back to me. but he said it like babble-on like she was babbling. sorry idk why i wanted to share that)
"and the other members already picked all of the best chefs in town soo im asking you" i literally dont believe fischoeder lmao he definitely just wanted bob to come along as his personal chef and couldn't come up w/ a better excuse like. come on
"a billion dollars" "nope." "a million dollars" "no...." "a billion dollars :D" "she just said that"
i know bob is holding onto fischoeder's back bcuz he cant see but also its like. kinda intimate?? like?
also love bob's new jacket. these are the kinda things you only notice when you've watched WAAYY too many bob's burgers episodes but its a nice jacket :) the blue color suits him. and it has a hood
personally i would be a little more concerned that mr fischoeder only has one eye and it is NOT looking in the direction of the dangerous sharp cliff theyre walking beside. i know he's driven bob in his boat before but he's SOO BLIND WHY ARE YOU WILLINGLY GETTING IN A BOAT WITH HIM <- saying this as someone who doesn't really have vision in one eye or depth perception. i wouldnt give in a boat with myself driving either
"it was actually kinda fun to come up with!! i-i hope you like it :)" bob is so sweet im gonna cry. he's so excited about cooking SOMEONE LET HIM RANT ABOUT HIS SPECIAL INTEREST RIGHT NOW. he's in autism heaven
NOT THE TIKTOK MENTION 😭😭
recognize some of these guys from the gingerbread house episode which was another horrible experience for bob lmao
"can i keep hiiim? 🥺" what is his PROBLEM
WAS HE WORKING THE OMLETTE STATION AT YOUR LAST SEX PARTY??? <- brand new sentence
also this 100% confirms to me that fischoeder has had sex with every old ass man on this camping trip bcuz NO WAY he's getting rich old woman pussy im sorry. i do think he's bisexual but his sex parties are male-exclusive. he fucked those old men
not looking forward to whatever is going to happen to bob in this episode.
I ALWAYS FORGET FISCHOEDER IS LIKE A HARDCORE DRUG ADDICT remember that time he did mushrooms in s13 That would explain some things. that weren't already explained by the alcoholism
bob is surprisingly chill considering the circumstances and the fact that he's getting less than a thousand dollars of restaurant equipment out of this. i know he trusts fischoeder (for some reason i dont entirely understand) but being blindfolded and taken to a secret island with a bunch of rich old men and having NO CELL SIGNAL and everybody is drugged as hell.... he doesn't even know where he is..... GIRL RUN‼️‼️
also there's only one bed in fischoeder's tent which means there's either a seperate camping section for the chefs (unlikely) he expects bob to sleep outside in the storm (very likely) or bob and fischoeder are going to have to share a bed 👀👀 i know its probably not going to be addressed but i need somebody to write And There Was Only One Bed bob x fischoeder fanfic about this episode immediately. like that needs to happen
bob realizing that the chances of him dying on this camping trip are quickly reaching eighty or ninety percent ooh he's COOKED
"Don't wear brown and black. Never look into someone's eyes..." "Bring your own fork. And briefcase." "Of course. Everyone knows that." "And leave one of your shoes as a gift." "But you have to hide it..." gene and louise are SOO silly i love them so much. they play off each other so well its like a constant improv class
this subplot is Trying To Teach Tina Social Skills meanwhile gene and louise don't have them either they just dont give a fuck about learning them. well louise knows them she just disregards them. gene doesn't know ANYTHING
HAHAHA BOB REALIZING THEYRE LEAVING HIM THERE TO DIE. ITS NEVER BEEN MORE OVER love him not even acknowledging their crazy fire drug-induced dancing he's so used to this bullshit. bob should get a week off after this MINIMUM but we all know he loves cooking too much for that
NOT MR FISCHOEDERS GAY ASS HIP SHAKE?????????
mfw im the only sober person at a crazy drug party full of rich people on an island during a deadly storm and its only Tuesday. 😐
UH OH IS THE CORRECT RESPONSE. BOB REALIZES HES SO FUCKED
aww its kinda cute he's making sure that fischoeder is taken care of too and packing up all their things. dad instincts
at a certain point u kinda have to call him calvin dude. like you're WELL past "mr fischoeder" territory in this situation <- is also calling him mr fischoeder in this review
"shh he's hunting us" is probably NOT what bob wanted to hear
there's something about this that is sooo.....
in defense of bob he has almost died or been killed with fischoeder SEVERAL times before this episode including in the movie. its like a male bonding thing for them at this point
"and i invented a new way to tie a tie" I KNEW I WASNT CRAZY FOR THINKING THAT LOUISES TIE WAS TIED WRONG IN THAT SCREENSHOT i love that i picked up on that and felt the need to point it out. having never worn a tie before in my life (not to my knowledge at least)
this is literally what it feels like when ur autistic and trying to understand neurotypical social conventions. tina is trying SO HARD she's such a sweet girl :( its okay baby girl i understand i get it
THE BITEY GUY HAS A NAME BOB
am i allowed to say that bob with wet hair is kinda 👀👀🔥
why'd he kiss him like that ??
he's suuuch a sweetie in his oversized jacket <3
"No, no. Plants don't like sweet drinks!" "Just hard liquor?"
"dad is missing a WILD night" *hard cut to bob tied up and being used as a human sacrifice for cannibalism*
WHAT WAS RHAT. WHY DID CALVIN LOOK AT HIM LIKE THAT. YES IM USING HIS LEGAL FIRST NAME BCUZ WTF WAS THAT GAY ASS GUILTY LOOK?? HES NEVER BEEN GUILTY BEFORE he care so much about bob im gonna throw up. what the hell
HE LIIIKES HIM 😭 HE FELT GUILTY BCUZ HE LOVES AND CARES ABOUT BOB THIS IS SO FUCKED UP 😭😭💕
he probably also feels guilty that this is like the sixth time he's gotten bob into a near death situation. like at a certain point it starts to feel personal yknow
*howling* "god. i hate when he does that"
straight up on the verge of a meltdown. i dont even blame him tbh
bob isnt WRONG but also we are talking about a crazy drugged up cannibal who thinks he's a wild animal so maybe we could leave saving him until tomorrow morning? like idk i feel like he wouldnt exactly fit on their dingy. and even if he did what if he bites
"and you do have to come for ice cream!! it wont be any fun without you" okay thats kinda cute. this episode definitely kept up to pace with the insane homoerotic relationship between bob and fischoeder and im happy about that. almost gave us the tiniest hint into what fischoeder really feels/thinks about bob which. yeah
VERY UNHINGED EPISODE BUT REALLY FUN AND CUTE?? everything between bob and fischoeder was so. soo. yknow. and the subplot was funny and cute too :) very sweet little episode i always love when they go off on adventures like w/ teddy in sea me now. and of course their (many many) near death experiences together thats truly what its all about baby!!! really enjoyed this episode it was exactly the right amount of unhinged and funny
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i cant get over how fucking fascist the dark knight rises is which like...i knew going in it would be if only because its based on frank millers the dark knight comics (and also no mans land???) And frank miller is the biggest piece of shit in comics whos not alan moore or garth ennis but christ i think nolan managed to go even more mask off
Okay grain of salt im not the biggest comics guy i just read the good stuff sylvie sends me so im not as knowledgeable about comic stuff but i stay silly anyways im gonna go character by character thats easiest for me
So batmans barely here except to become disabled and then practically heal overnight so very cool point number one 😐 but half of the movie hes stuck in the scary pit prison (because the Lazarus pit is too silly for nolan) with all the arab guys who didnt get whitewashed and its so boring and it sucks and only white people made it out of the pit ever basically who gives a shit it sucks honestly the only reason im mentioning this is because i honestly forgot bane wasnt the main character about an hour in because like? He should be? and ill get to that
Joseph gordon levitt is there and his character has a name and i do just want to call him joseph gordon levitt instead but thats long as fuck and hes robin so im just gonna call him robin even though he sucks ass. the whole point of his character is to be the good cop to gordons bad cop but it doesnt really work because thats a shitty fucking thing you see in media all the time because they always just go for the its just some bad apples approach look at this good apple dont you love apples approach but honestly nolans deepthroating the boot so much its even worse here. and yeah dudes robin but hes like.... nolans oc as robin because thank god i dont want dick in this movie (which would bring the whitewashing count up to 4 characters) or god forbid jason todd but i think its really telling how even robin in this universe has to be a fucking cop instead of like any of the disadvantaged kids bruce actually takes in like yeah this robin is still an orphan but thats way less important to the narrative and to nolan than being a cop.
gordons also barely here and i dont give a shit about him i wish he died i mean i always wish he died because hes a cop he is THE cop in every batman piece of media (except when he was jack the ripper one time or something?) and why even the most benign batman media is copaganda because theyre fucking besties. really i just want to talk about one scene before I get to the bulk of this post bane. late in the fucking almost THREE HOUR LONG MOVIE theres a scene where gordon is rallying the cops and goes to some cops door and hes like "why did you let your wife answer the door dont you know whats going on out there?" as if women are being raped on the streets of gotham which we never even see a fucking hint of??? the actual main issues affecting gotham at the moment are food issues and even thats not a problem because aid is getting in slowly and thats actually how gordon gets MORE FUCKING COPS into the city its insane and im gonna come back to this again with bane but while we're talking about the misogny -
-lets talk about catwoman who just kind of exists doing the catwoman thing of oh im on batmans side but not really and im on banes side but not really and it sucks but lets start with the misogyny before i talk about catwomans spineless centrism. when catwoman is caught by joseph gordon levitt shes taken to prison and the cops specifically point out shes taken to a mens prison (?????) because of the new laws because shes such a risk that a maximum security womens prison cant hold her but a mens prison can because womens prisons are all knitting circles i guess. This is really just an excuse so she can be in the prison that bane stages a prison break on (based) and come back for the climax and also have a hashtag girlboss moment where she does a sexy flip attack against a man threatening to sexually assault her which is just so classy nolan. and i want to fucking point out that this is blackgate prison which in most batman media is ALREADY FUCKING COED this shit was so unnecessary and gross and i just...its still pissing me off obviously so lets get to catwomans shitty fucking robin hood shit and why robin hood narratives are rarely ever radical. yes stealing from the rich and giving to the poor is cool but here and in most narratives its really only cool because its..one person or a small group. A society wide redistribution of wealth? out of the question thats too scary just go back to helping one kid steal an apple lady and hating that bane is literally crashing wall street (based) and breaking into rich peoples homes and bringing them to sentencing trials for crimes against humanity (based). Catwoman will have no part of that thank you and will instead just kind of...hang out until batman gets back.
side note what the fuck is up with the timeline in this movie batman gets his back broken and taken to the pit which is located in....an "ancient part of the world" the batman wiki tells me which holy shit okay the racism continues forever. but batman is not in gotham and again his back is literally BROKEN until it gets healed because he....was hoisted into a standing position with a rope? and idk how long that takes whether its months or a day because the movie seems to suggest both???
okay lets talk about talia al ghul and ras al ghul really quick before i get to based bane. Ill start by saying they're really fucking whitewashed like probably the worst example ive ever seen? Talia (or miranda tate as she's called for most of the movie) is played by a white french actress and Ra's al ghul is played by white irish actor and racist liam neeson. Because the comics are also racist ras al ghul never is really given a clear country of origin besides vaguely arabic slash east asian partially because hes so old but also again the racism but hes certainly not white again...because of the racism. and neither is talia who is only slightly less vaguely chinese and arabic. nolan gives even less of a shit than most batman writers though which is a high bar. talia was so boring and poorly written i barely remember her but they gave her half hearted attempts at environmentalism (incremental and done by begging the rich for everything though of course) before saying oh its actually because she and bane want to blow gotham up with a bomb which...god its all so stupid i honestly forget the bomb shit exists because it makes no sense and seems to have a detonation timer of 24 hours which again is why i literally have no idea what the timeline is. this shit is so stupid and unnecessary except to be the secret reason banes populist revolution of gotham (based) is actually bad but its so fucking tacked on even beyond most reasons why communist characters in media eat a baby to show theyre actually bad and so is communism because communists love neutron bombs.
BANE TIME! I'll also start out by pointing out that bane is whitewashed since hes supposed to be from a fictional south american slash caribbean island prison which......man. He's just tom hardy here though. Lets keep talking about communists eating a baby so theyre bad now. I think this is a trope people associate more with the mcu which is fair the falcon and the winter soldier pulled some shit because of course it did but i think we should consider the dark knight rises as a prime example instead. Not the originator since anti communism didn't start with nolan although i wish i could blame him for that too. Banes list of crimes batman has to stop him for are killing cia agents (based), crashing the stock market which he didn't even kill anyone at (not as based as he could have been), stage a prison break as previously mentioned (based), revealing police corruption (based), forming a militia to govern gotham while theres a transition of power from the rich and the police to the people (based), killing a bunch of cops (based), exploding some of gotham including all but one of the bridges out of the city (really just a strategic decision since hes about to have the american military on his ass and needs to counter that), and blowing up the pittsburgh steelers (extremely based). hey why is this guy the villain again? hey why does gotham have a wall street now why is this such a big deal is it possibly because the occupy wall street protests happened before during and after production of the movie? no that certainly couldnt be the case theres no way nolan would hate peaceful protests and create a movie where god forbid they werent peaceful and cops were instead treated like they treat protestors so we feel bad for them instead of people who are literally sick and tired of their labor being exploited by capitalism for the benefit of the rich. like jesus christ this movie is so blatantly fascist explaining the plot should have anyone going hey wait a minute. and you may say im biased in favor of bane as a communist but jesus christ are you seeing the shit nolan is pulling im being even handed in comparison i mean the fucking climax is batman showing up to rally the cops against bane and the mostly citizens militia of gotham like jesus fucking christ. banes not even a fucking dictator hes literally just some guy in most of the scenes after gotham is taken back by the people hes not even the guy sentencing and killing the rich and the police thats scarecrow! hes just on the sides like everyone else. and while im on scarecrow (jonathan crane hes not called scarecrow in the movie but he is that judge guy) nolan treats it as unreasonable that these are not hearings to determine the guilt of the police and the rich they protect because the people have already determined that theyre guilty but they just fucking are by definition. you dont get rich under capitalism by working hard you get rich by exploiting hundreds of thousands or millions of people out of their labor and livelihoods these people are fucking guilty even if they havent killed anyone with their own hands. but because bane does kill people on screen we're supposed to think hes worse but he only kills rich people and cops and the pittsburgh steelers!!!! like holy shit i hate this fucking movie i hate christopher nolan
#rape mention#long post#needed to get this out idc if anyone finds this or not but feel free to send anon hate always#ask to tag
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Why not just eat chocolate? Nobody will know and not eating things you like because of a religion seems kind of cruel? Obviously I get the pork thing - even though that stems from the time Piggys were gross and ate poop - but to not eat chocolate because men 3,000 ish years ago said 'Only eat simple bread and starve yourself" said so?
It just seems so wrong 😕 Religion should be about you and your god, not what people a long time ago said you can or can't do. I have this problem in my own faith. By rights I think it's a period of not indulgence is here or coming shortly. Yet I'm pretty sure main event guy wouldn't want people starving and whipping themselves over him. 🙄
80% of religions these days it going by what some man wrote or decreed, rather than about god and that is a giant same.
Please eat your eggs if you want. You shouldn't have to restrict yourself on word of what a group of men who lived 3000 years ago said.
there are so many things wrong with this ask but you sound so genuine and earnest and im just so fucking pissed right now that i have no choice but to answer asks in this horrible awful no good very bad new post format that im gonna make this brief.
1- i know i dont talk about it much anymore but i have my masters in jewish education and up until last year was working as a bar/bat mitzvah teacher and torah reader in my synagogue for the last like million years of my life. religion has never felt like a burden to me.
2- not eating piggies although its plausible does not necessarily come from the fact that theyre in close contact with poop. doesnt say anything about that in the biblical texts. keeping kosher is also not the same as the dietary restrictions for passover and the reasons for them are not necessarily related.
3 - not eating certain things (chametz - not "simple bread," its more complicated) on passover is not about starving yourself and its not about atonement (that holiday is in the fall), its about remembering important events in jewish history and keeping the sense memory of those events and lessons alive for thousands of years.
4- what religion is asking you to whip and starve yourself for god? sounds like a cult or a dan brown novel tbh
5- judaism is definitely based on shit some men wrote, but it most certainly was nowhere close to one man. we're talking lots and lots of very opinionated and highly intelligent and insightful men (also women if you know where to look, also some dumbass men) whose interpretations and decisions of law regarding how their society and religion could and should function without a central community or authority on earth were passed through millions of hands and thousands of more opinions through the centuries and enforced to many degrees in both extremes only to be falling apart in the last century or so thanks to inescapable global factors that have rolled through our disparate communities like indy's boulder on a rampage.
wait a minute i said this would be brief. fuck.
anywaynot eating my cadbury creme eggs is def not a burden i just enjoy complaining its probably all for the best.
also i hope this didnt come off rude i understand where you're coming from but i also invite you to do a little googling about judaism and the holiday of passover. happy holidays! ✡️🫓🍷
#jewish things#judaism#passover#personal#thoughts out loud#nice people#food mention cw#again i wasnt trying to sound antagonistic but please. religion is not always evil.#💗💗💗#wait wait#i also have to add that#many things we enjoy can be found in a kosher for passover version during the holiday#im sure if there was enough demand for cadbury creme eggs during passover someone might make it simply for the $$#unfortunately that will most definitely never happen s;dklfjgksdhfngjkfdh#but there is plenty of chocolate available to me on passover should i decide i need it#(i am not generally a chocolate girl. i just go through a yearly creme egg phase is all)
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My biggest genies wish moment in my life is how i wanted HRT to give me a complete physical overhaul to the point where nobody would ever misgender me again and yknow. I didnt really consider the consequences of that
Im pretty open about being trans to the regulars in my life but i also pass so well and am such an incredibly binary man that they all forget im trans on a regular basis if i dont remind them somehow. I crack quips about not having balls and wanted to cut my tits off at work and every time my coworkers are like "you have TI-oh right"
I havent changed any of my legal documents yet but the guys at the registry fucked up my updated provincial ID and marked my gender as M because i didnt think to shave off my full beard before taking the photo on it. I looked the guy at the desk DEAD in the eyes and told him "look. Contrary to what youre looking at right now my legal gender is still F and its gonna make things legally messy if that gets mixed up" and he nodded at me, i SAW him write a note and stick it to my forms, and then i STILL got an ID in the mail marked "M." Incredible.
The amount of men who come into our store and go off on tangents to me about how they appreciated a guy's help so theyre sure it wasnt tainted by transgenderism is incredible. Sometimes i wanna come out to them right then and there to watch their facial journeys. Take your shopping bag that my tranny hands touched boy
The last time i was at the bank i was accused of identity theft while trying to access my own bank account because the clerk looked at my info on file and back to me like "yeah theres no way pal." He demanded my passport and i had to explain to him that most normal people dont have their passport on them just out and about. He asked for my SIN card, the one document that is literally irreplaceable if lost, and i was like "do you think i carry that around too??!" He only let me into my account when he made me sign my signature and deadass compared that slip of reciept paper to what he had on screen. Why me
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laz's fatal flaw is that he, at his core, is very very very attracted to guys who clearly have a lot of pent up and repressed frustration and anger and are coping with serious deep seated issues with self worth and are coping with it by lashing out at everyone. like he's BEEN that guy so he Gets It, he knows what its like, and he is so goddamn skilled at getting under peoples skin and pushing their buttons and he KNOWS full and goddamn well that just like him theres usually a wire crossed somewhere in their head between fighting and fucking and he also knows that outright approaching them like 'hey. do you like men' they will immediately assume hes pulling their leg and probably get mad as fuck and he will fumble his chance, so he just bides his time and bothers them and tries to initiate physical conflict one way or another, either by getting them to like spar with him or something or by just bothering them until they snap. almost always lets them 'win' and then drops the bomb on them as to why he's actually doing this, and it ALWAYS works because again he knows the exact mindset and he knows theyre going to be chomping at the bit for any opportunity to be Wanted, especially now that the adrenaline is pumping because they were just beating the shit out of eachother and theyre gonna be prone to be impulsive and less likely to give in to self doubt and actually go for it. like it's in part 'i know this guy has issues and cannot be fixed, BUT i think if he got laid he might at least calm down a little bit. thankfully im just the man for the job' and also he genuinely just likes em wacky like he sees a guy who is absolutely insane and is like ohh i cant not fuck him . someone once said 'dont stick your dick in crazy' to him and he was like this sign wont stop me because i cant read
the 'flaw' part of this is that, because he is ultimately at his core just a chill friendly guy who has been very lonely for most of his life, he latches onto anyone he manages to make a connection with VERY hard and becomes genuinely invested in their wellbeing, so obviously if this newfound outlet for their issues accidentally gives them the opportunity to like, reflect and decide they do actually want to better themselves, of course hes going to be right there with them every step of the way and try to help or be supportive any way he can, because thats what friends do!!
so he is basically constantly getting himself into these situations where hes like 'this guy is hot i am going to start a fight because i want him on me' clearly just gunning for like a weirdly homoerotic rivalry or something like he is clearly not thinking this far ahead and then next thing he knows he is not only in love with the guy like genuinely but he is also like accidentally giving them secondhand therapy by talking about his own struggles and how he relates to them in an attempt to be understanding. he's the only guy in the world with 'i can fix him' disease who genuinely does not approach these interactions with the intention of fixing anyone it literally just happens to him and he comes home to rigel at the end of the day like 'baaaaabe it happened again 🥺🥺🥺 help' and rigel sighs and goes to see which pathetic loser guy followed laz home like a stray dog this time
#ocs#laz#thinking about him and god he really does have a type like between rigel and cav and now lodun like he is sooo predictable#its like that one fucking comic#'ohhh im a broken person. there is something deeply inherently wrong with me that cannot be fixed. everyone hates me but i hate myself more#-and im going to make it everyone else's problem. i have to lash out and push people away because i deserve it'#'thats kinda hot' 'OH. MY GOD.'
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I am three Mike's Hard Lemonades deep in my own despair, and I'm going to watch Red White and Royal blue for the third time. I've been trying to put my thoughts together on the movie which is almost impossible because the book is such a HUGE part of my soul. Maybe I'll have a coherent thought.
Right off the bat, fuck Phillip. I need someone to call him Pip and kick his ass.
Why is Bea the younger sister? The dynamic is changed so much for that, she is supposed to be the older sister that Henry takes care of because of her addiction.
WHERE IN THE GOOD GOD IS JUNE?!!? Alex does not play well as an only child, it makes him seem even more entitled and idiotic, he has no one to ground him, no one to tell him when he is being a complete asshole. Nora is great but she's also not Nora. She's some weird amalgamation of June and Nora and it makes me miss both of them.
Alex is too tall.
ALEX IS TOO TALL AND THEYRE TOO OLD. Seeing these two MEN trying to act like they are 20-somethings trying to find themselves and their places in this queer world that they are newly apart of, is awkward. This is not what 22 yo men look like, all broad shouldered and confident. Both of these boys need something to grow into, to have room to grow into themselves and each other, and when they look like 31 yo models who work out every day and don't have a blemish or an awkward bone in their body, it is so much less believable. I understand that Alex is supposed to be super charming, but you can be super charming and ALSO insecure and anxious. They're so one-dimensional it actually painful.
I love Henry's face. Excellent face acting from him, he's like the best of both of them. Subtle and understated but brilliant.
The cake scene sucks. It's boring, there's not enough people and NO ONE would have been able to get that close to Henry for that long. Also, I hope that is fake cake.
Bad Reputation is a little on the nose, don't you think?
ALEX IS TOO TALL.
Zarha is too friendly. I want him to think that she's going to kill him, he needs the fear of Zahra put into him.
Uma Thurman is a wonderful actor, she is not right for Ellen Claremont. There is no softness to her, very little affection, she seems unfocused on everything, which Ellen is not. Ellen is laser focused on winning the election. Or laser focused on her kids. I also am not sure who did her blocking because Ellen seems high, like all the time.
Love the Mitch McConnell joke.
I miss Cash. Amy is wonderful, but I miss Cash. I need their little conspiritory moments.
We need more of the boys being mean to each other. This is how they fell in love, the little quips, the jokes, the thinly veiled flirting. They're not mean enough to each other, not as biting. The relationship evolves so fast, we don't really get to see where they came from. What they were like together before, when they "hated" each other.
Alex is too tall and too hot. Henry looks like a human, Alex looks like the statue of David. Taylor is a wonderful actor, don't get me wrong but there are moments when Henry is supposed to be larger, broader, stronger than Alex, be able to wrap Alex in his body and they lose their impact when Henry has to look up to Alex. Half of the book Alex is angry that Henry is taller than he is, its actually a time when height does matter!
I love Shaan. I need more of him. I need MORE of the relationship between Henry and Shaan, Henry trusts him so much and we never see it.
Why not the Rio Olympics?
The banter on these two idiots, this is what I want to see from them, I want more of these two morons insulting each other.
SUPPLY CLOSET. The acting in this scene is actually impeccable. I believe them as real people. As stupid, moronic young men with baggage and feelings and private lives and misunderstandings.
I love Amy.
Henry when no one is looking is my favorite Henry.
There's something overly confident about Alex that is almost off-putting. He ACTS older, he acts with more life experience and doesn't have any vulnerability in the beginning.
SOMEONE PLEASE SAY FUCK.
Why are his parents not divorced? Are we trying to make the relationships more palatable to heteronormative society? Why are we taking that stressor and pressure off of the situation? People get divorced, people learn to work together after divorce to support their children and each other. Let the Claremont-Diaz's have that victory together.
Miguel is a fucking dick. The only out, gay character is a complete and utter slimy, smarmy, jackass who just wants to get into Alex's pants and get his story. He is gross and I for one do not like the implication of the only out and proud gay character being the one who fucks everything up. He is the only "role model" for Alex as a gay man and he is the fucking worst. He acts like all the straight men I have ever met in a bar. AND HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO SAY JACK SHIT ABOUT ALEX"S EYELASHES
I need all of the text messages. They are some of the best interactions in the entire book, the most honest, what is really going on in their heads, how they fell in love.
ITS ABOUT PATTERNS.
Turkey Gate. More desperation from Alex. A younger man's reaction. 30 yo men don't panic when a turkey gobbles. 22 yo men might, especially if they are drunk. I just want him to be younger. I feel terrible making those kinds of judgements because Taylor is a great actor. He does wonderfully for what he has been given and I can acknowledge that and enjoy his performance but I still want 22 yo vulnerable AGCD.
Who wears a polo to bed?
There's a softness to Henry's face that is missing from Alex's, a gentleness that makes you feel so sorry for him and the life he is forced into him.
Please don't sleep on top of your comforter.
This party is so much smaller than anticipated. I wonder if they couldn't get a large enough set or enough extras. There aren't enough bodies for 500 people, no one has taken off a jacket or their shoes. The couches are empty, the dance floor extends 10 feet.
I miss June.
Pez. Why are you not Pez.
Get Low brings back middle school dances. I do not care to elaborate.
The first time Alex looks young is drunk just after getting kissed by some girl and then realizing Henry is gone.
I cannot get past a 30 yo man acting stupid, drunk and oblivious. I'm 34, I have life experiences that make finding your friend outside in the snow less of a "did I do something wrong?" moment and more of a "get the fuck inside so we can talk about this" moment.
Thank you for the hair grab intimacy coordinator.
Nice touch with the text messages showing that Henry read them.
I think we need Liam to put some context into Alex's history with his sexuality.
Gay panic always sells.
"Shut up. Shut all the way the fuck up." Please someone say fuck.
That was not 5 minutes.
This interaction about Henry's erection and the 500 feet away instructions are the first time that their interactions feel human and like them, the two idiots in the first throes of love. (Probably because those instructions are right out of the book).
Henry literally just sucked Alex off and his hair isn't even messed up. His tie and shoes are still on. He's not even flushed or sweaty, what the fuck intimacy coordinator, I gave you credit for the hair pulling, lets get on this.
I appreciate Henry's nervous tick with his ring. I also think I just like his face.
(4th Mike's Hard, 1/2 a CBD gummie)
POLO POLO
Since I already watched the movie, I know what I am going to be mad about in this scene. The tack room sex scene in the book was the most awkward, rushed, messy, silly, glorious scene and they MONTAGED OVER IT. They took out all of the urgency, the time crunch the fact that Henry in leather boots does something for Alex. This is my favorite sex scene by far in the book. It's their first real, public tryst in the real world, outside the confines of the residence or the secret service. They could EASILY get caught. But they don't care, not enough to stop them from almost fucking on a table in a room that smells like horses and leather and sweat. This is the first time that the reader gets to see where we're headed, that we are looking down the barrel of two strong-willed idiots falling in love whether they want to or not. I think that is one of the things that the book really puts across that the movie is missing - the sheer urgency of everything that they have to do, the shortness of their time together, the lengths that have to be gone to for these morons to be together. It does not let up for a minute and it keeps you on the edge of your seat as they fall more in love and get more reckless and the world gets more complicated around them. Fuck, this movie is too clean.
Finally chinos.
They only look moderately fucked.
I miss the queen. I get that it might not be proper or whatever since she recently passed away but there's something taken away when it it not the queen mother, men are supposed to want to fix things and cover them up and make it all better. Having it be grandma, someone who stereotypically is nurturing and kind, makes it hurt all the more that she doesn't want to support her grandson, a man who is NOT in line for the throne, who is not using the crown's money, who just wants to live his life. It hurts so much.
The movie needs the pull of law school for Alex. He is so one dimensional, so focused on politics that there seem to be no other options for him, even though we know that Henry DOES NOT WANT THAT LIFE.
Again, there is a softness to Henry, to everything about him, that makes him more believable, more human. Why do I like his face?
Alex is so charming almost to the point of too much confidence. Like he can do anything. Without being nervous or anxious. I want to see the raw underside of that confidence.
Can Henry not wear a suit for a hot second? Him in sweatpants and soft pajamas is the sweetest part of getting to know Henry Fox, the man behind the royalty. I still feel like I know nothing about Henry and even less about Alex. We don't know his dreams, his fears, his aspirations, the LSAT scores in his desk, the constant running himself ragged to do everything and be everything. He's our main character and we get nothing.
The fact that Ellen doesn't get to make a PowerPoint means that we miss some of the BEST jokes in the slide titles.
Thank you for reiterating that the B is not silent in LGBTQ+.
You love him forever you stupid idiot.
Nice plug for Casey's most recent book, One Last Stop, which is INCREDIBLE.
Where are the kimonos? Why does Pez look normal?
I see them falling in love, but there is nothing like hearing it in Alex's own voice, in his own head.
The smile on Henry makes my heart melt.
If the only person in this whole movie who mentions Alex's eyelashes is MIGUEL, I will summarily LOSE MY COLLECTIVE SHIT again because I know that's what happens and I'm allowed to continue to be angry.
I can't watch Henry leave. There is so much pain in his eyes, it just breaks my goddamn heart. Except we don't need the view from Henry's side, Alex's mayhem is fueled by the not knowing and it is so much better when we find out right alongside Alex that Henry loves him, really and truly loves him in the way that might ruin his life.
Fuck you Pip.
A 30 yo man would not fly to London in the middle of the night. I'm sorry I want him to be younger.
I realize that I haven't said anything about Rafael Luna, BECAUSE HES NOT IN THE MOVIE, which is a damn travesty. Miguel being the gay role model and also the BBEG is not a good look for a movie about two boys falling in love.
There's my one fuck. Not in the most appropriate place but there it is.
The emotion from Henry for the first time, anger, almost despair, is probably the first raw thing I believe in this movie. The set of his jaw that matches Henry in the book. The pain in his eyes, raising his voice for the first time, in his silk bathrobe and no shoes, hits where it should. Potentially not as hard as it could have but it hits.
The idea of Henry not wanting that life, or trading the prison of royalty with the prison of politics is fascinating. For so long, the life he wanted was something he could never have. And now that he MIGHT be able to have a life, a real one, he has to struggle with the idea that he will still be in a prison of their own making. Still scrutinized at all turns, still trying to be what the world wants from him instead of who he is. He could no longer be a royal and he would still be under a microscope in the public eye.
"I would never call you a coward." Please kill me.
Collarbones and eyelashes.
Ugh, god, Alex making Henry tell him to leave is so romcom and I still love it.
I am not sold on the museum scene, it doesn't feel right. The weird choreography takes away from the reverence of the whole situation, the two of them being in the private world that Henry only wants to share with the person he loves, Alex. It feels scared in the book, the only thing in the world that Henry keeps to himself, the place where he can lay his heart bare. Its tropey in the movie. Its a set-piece not a secret.
Signet ring goes on the key chain "Two homes next to each other." And he gave him the key.
Gay people would not do this to each other, not for revenge, this is bullshit. I would much rather it be a political scandal than some gross bullshit to get revenge on the man who wouldn't sleep with him or give him a story. Give me the political scandal.
I wish we saw more of the emails, of the words and the quotes and the honesty. The impact of the emails is not stated enough in the movie because we DONT SEE THEM.
Zahra and Shann. Zahra and Shaan!
Lovesick puppy, gross. I feel like Zahra, put those two lovesick homosexuals on the phone so we can move on.
I know this is nitpicky, but why is Henry literally looking to the side while collapsing into his love on the steps? Who coordinated that? Someone in his situation, would have their face buried in their partner's shoulder as close to them as the possibly could be for safety and comfort.
Henry wins best actor in this movie. He's so spot on, he's so believable. Even his hands.
Stephen Frye is the king. Fuck you Pip. Stand up for yourself Henry, you deserve to be yourself whoever that is. You do it!
Your love is vulgar but no one says FUCK.
Alex: It's me. hi, I'm the problem, its me.
If you haven't seen Stephen Frye say "homosexual", you are not living.
Bea, you are so boring.
Henry gets all the good lines. Alex mostly looks pretty which is like not how Alex is portrayed in the book. He's quick witted and snarky, a little mean and a fucking nerd.
I hate that this is where this ends. I hate that jacket.
Overall, the movie was not the worst, but it certainly didn't stomp on my heart like the book did. It tells the story, at the cost of the heart of the book. It tones down the insanity, the desperation, the joy that the book weaves into this story. It's like the story is on low volume in the other room because you don't want to wake your partner at 3 am, the words are there sometimes, but you are missing all of the nuance. It hits all of the big points, but misses the depth of these characters. It misses all the things that make them human and flawed and interesting, all the bits that we want them to overcome and makes the reader want to root for them. Was it fine? Yes. Objectively, a cute, gay, rom com where being gay isn't the twist but learning to be yourself regardless is. Subjectively, disappointing. A gay man being the BBEG is a bold/terrible choice. This was not written by a gay person. And I want to touch on that, there are so many things that just scream "I am not queer". There is no way that a queer person is outing another queer person, two other queer people, on the literal world stage. Coming out is a hugely private and personal choice that some of us get to make and some of us don't but I cannot suspend my disbelief long enough to believe that another queer person would out someone like that. That is some straight people bullshit and it is fucking disrespectful to the others of an already marginalized community. Let politics be the bad guy, not the one other gay man. I miss Raf.
I'm gonna go read the book again.
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lol your post about men saying shit like "theres no better enemy for women than women" is so true. Like men literally bitch and moan about other men too.
I sometimes lurk in communities of male lolcows, who usually have a much larger male fanbase (or male hatedom) and the men there are ruthless. Like they make fun of their appearances, their work and art, the way they talk or emote, how they get angry or sad and so on. Like literally every single detail. And many times, these lolcows used to be popular in their youth but degraded in some way, so their haters are mostly middle aged men, so no, its not only teenage boys being inmature and trolling.
Like some guys are made fun of for being fat, others for having receding hairlines, others for being too short, or just being ugly in general. Theres a guy whos constantly made fun for having a weird shaped leg. Its literally incredible.
Also, a lot of them are called autistic, usually as an insult, due to how they behave. An interesting thing I found out its that many people who use autist as an insult are autists themselves, they just like to feel superior to these lolcows because they're "higher functioning" or more succesful. Many use the word retard too, and I even seeing mongoloid used.
I think the only reason why women are stereotyped like this, but men aren't even though they behave similarly (and id say men are actually more cruel) its because men are seen as individuals and women as a group. Its kinda like when a boy is bad at math and people just assume its just him, but when its a girl its like "wow girls suck at math." Or when there are news like of a man raping and killing women and people are like "humans are so fucked up" even though this is mostly a male phenomenon. Like men can be as catty and drama seeking as women are, most people just fail to see the same patterns and behaviours because theyre considered the "average/base human".
Yeah, men are ruthless between each other. When I was in middle school, guys in my class were making fun of a boy tank top... saying that it wasn't masculine, or whatever.
They'll also leverage that cruelty to emotionally manipulate women saying "we don't talk enough of male depression". Of course, they won't say that men depression isn't taken seriously because men are the specialist in downplaying emotional struggle (and no, male being depressed for being virgin at 25 doesn't count). I mean, look at them clowning male victim of (sexual) abuse...and then act like victim when male victims are not talked about enough and blame women(?!) for that.
Men have seen what feminism has done for women, and instead of taking the lucid resolution of doing the same for themselves and try to improve & raise awareness about male centric issues, they behave like jealous spoiled children, and act like the positive outcome of feminism came out of thin air, that women were just naturally privileged (when women FOUGHT to have the "privilege" they now have).... And yet, those same men more often than not expect women's involvement in uplifting men - like constantly debating women's only organization legitimacy and complaining about how they do nothing for men....when literally nothing stops men doing the same. They just naturally feel entitled to female labor.
Men project A LOT of their insecurities onto women, anyway.
The "you'll die alone and live with 30 cats" trope? objective reality shows that (older) men are more desperate for companionship. Dating app are dominated by men. Clubs are usually free for women because men are outnumbering them.
"Women are bad driver" => stats show that most car accident are caused by men.
"Women peak at 25" => the age of first marriage is increasing. Men are just seething because women realize their options and won't marry with the first bum that will propose. And the more women will realize they have options, the most men will have to compete to women's emotional & sexual access. They refuse to let that happen.
One thing that is extremely funny and telling about, men, is that they will have no problem with statistically evidence as long as it comes to race, with them joking about the 13%, lumping a whole race into behavioral traits.....but the moment women do the same with criminal stats and simply acknowledge that men champion to a disproportional rate sexual crimes and violent crime, they'll lose their mind, be like "HOW DARE YOU LUMPING ALL MEN AS CRIMINALS??!!1!1!1" ....when these idiots had no problem doing the same through a racial lense.... Which, hilariously, still have MEN championing crime for every race, so they are failing to disprove what women say 💀
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Majima (from Lycoris Recoil) who gets injured during a mission and winds up getting patched up and worried over by a random naive civilian that's way too trusting and eager to help a stranger who. And he hates that he's too exhausted and close to passing out to protest, so he just lets it happen. They sure don't act like a Lycoris in disguise, given how they fail to find his gun until they're removing his clothes to treat his injuries.
He wakes up in their living room, and the stranger explains that after finding the gun, they had to abandon their plan of bringing him to a hospital and calling the cops on whoever had attacked him. He's some kind of criminal, and they don't want to get on his bad side.
When he asks why they were stupid enough to help a total stranger, they get embarrassed and reply "You were bleeding and barely walking. Was I supposed to just let you pass out or die?"
Majima just laughs to himself. A bleeding heart, huh? The only people outside of his own men who tried to keep him alive were the Alan Institute, and they just wanted him to live to fulfill his "purpose." Any other person would've just kept to themselves and avoided trouble, like the skittish complacent sheep they are. This idiot civilian's kind of interesting.
He wouldn't stick around long after waking up: he'll message his men, steal something from the pantry, and peace out before Darling can even ask his name. He also snags something with their name on it, and slips it into his pocket without them noticing. Once he's back at his hideout, he's getting Hacker to research his Darling and find whatever he can about them.
As time passes and he's working on his goal, he keeps thinking about them and makes stalking them (online and in person) a minor hobby. Their life is so mundane and carefree and ignorant to how this country works. And they're way too trusting and kind to everyone they meet. He gets the urge to see them again and give them a taste of what the underbelly of society's like, just by existing and showing them that criminals DO exist. Given that they helped him out, he feels he owes them that truth as a favor.
Soon he's breaking into their place and waiting to ambush them, and act on those feelings he's had bubbling up inside since meeting them. He's happy to see them again, but they certainly aren't. He gets more bold and handsy when pinning them down to keep them from calling the cops, and he tries to make them see that he's not here to hurt them--quite the opposite, in fact. Fuck, theyre cute when they're scared.
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Fin is watching sanders sides. He has a few beers in him and he’s pretty sure it’s not that much more than he would normally have but he’s too wasted to care at this point. It’s been a shit week, as usual. He’s been so busy with work that he hasn’t seen any of the guys in months. He can only imagine how fucked he looks.
He wonders how Sanders is doing these days. They haven’t really spoken since he moved out but Fin knows they live together now so maybe he’s there? Thomas Sanders has aids in his neck like some kind of pervert that would actually be into men being so close, which was fucking sick. No one who’d look at Fin could see anything sexual about that situation except maybe Sanders himself. Maybe even him, he thinks, remembering what he said about Fin being gay. Maybe he’s a straight man, though he certainly doesn’t act like it. Maybe he likes men. Maybe they don’t even like boys but just girls or something. Who the fuck knows. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway. Fuck all of them. The only person Fin is interested in right now is Thomas Sanders. Fin hears a knock at the door and goes to open it just to find Thomas Sanders staring back at him from outside his apartment door, wearing a long hoodie with Insane Clown on it, sweatpants, and bare feet. Fin is confused for a second but then remembers they used to share an apartment together until Fin finally decided not to move out because his place was tiny, he had shitty TV, and it was way too expensive to get another. His place was better than his roommates anyways so Fin figured why bother staying when the place couldn’t hold two people anyway? So here they are. Fin opens the door wider and pulls him inside.
Thomas walks in without hesitation and Fin closes the door behind him. “Are you ok?” he asks in a soft voice.
“Yeah,” Fin says, feeling stupid. Thomas’ eyes linger on him for a moment before he turns away to look around the apartment. Suddenly the door yanked wide open and the guys from insane clown posse were strutting in and throwing hachets everywhere and were screaming out homophobic slurs at Thomas. “Oh my god,” Fin whispers. There must have been five of them and they weren’t all tall enough to reach Thomas, who was now standing awkwardly by the kitchen table in the living room trying to keep his distance while avoiding making eye contact with anyone. The group of 5 was Dark lotus without Monoxide, The reason Monoxide wasnt there was because he was at home with his mother (which was weird considering he’d just spent hours with his friends drinking in a bar) but also theyre not in any other group. They were all there for each other but they didn’t look like a happy band. There was no bassist and no drummer. Shaggy then started breakdancing as an intimidation tactic towards fin and Thomas stepped forward to try and get rid of the guy dancing, only for him to be tackled and kicked in the chest and fall backwards onto the sofa. Fin rushed forward and helped pull Thomas off of him. The guy was unconscious and blood dripped steadily from a gash on his head that was bleeding quite profusely. The gang continued to scream homophobic things at fin, though, so he picked up the dude and threw him into the wall next to Thomas. Then he tried to hit him again but Shaggy jumped on him. The guy grabbed Fin by the arm and started swinging him around like a helicopter but Fin blocked everything out until he got dizzy. Eventually the guy collapsed on top of him. When Fin looked up he saw the rest of the Crazy Clown Posse looking down at the guy with disgusted grins plastered all over their faces. Fin and Thomas then stared at each other before reaching out to start making out in front of Insane clown posse
. Fin was shocked and felt slightly violated, but then it turned into relief and happiness and love. The kiss tasted like the beer Fin just bought and he felt his skin heating up. Thomas’ mouth left his lips and made its way downwards to Fin’s throat where he bit his adam’s apple and sucked lightly. The Insane clown posse groaned in disgust and yelled out "what the fuck are yall doing" but Fin wasn’t listening. All he cared about was Thomas. Thomas, whom he adored with every fiber of his being. Thomas, who he wanted to kiss all over and make feel good. Thomas, who kissed him slowly as his hands slid down Fin’s body, tracing every curve and line and muscle and… then Violet J "Yo wtf thats shits nasty" one of the other members of the group says " Ayo aint that one a child?" gesturing at fin.
Thomas immediately stops kissing Fin and turns his attention to the group, glaring daggers at them with fiery red eyes. Fin felt his cheeks burn and Thomas put a hand on either side of his face and pressed foreheads together. Thomas whispered, "they're not going to say anything, I've got you." There was a loud knock at the door, bright holy lights shining outside the windows, Violent J turned the door knob and slowly opening it, to reveal a bright figure. This figure was Jesus Christ , the one with the power of life and death. He was smiling kindly at the crazed Insane clown posse. Fin heard someone whisper, "What the hell does he want?". Jesus Christ smiled wider and asked, "Do you all know me? And if so, do you know me well?". He waited patiently and eventually everyone nodded and said hello as if to a friend. Jesus Christ smiled sweetly at them all and said, "Very well, then let me introduce you to the most powerful and righteous God ever created, your savior, Jesus Christ!" The entire crowd gasped and started cheering and clapping. But Jesus Christ didn't notice and carried on talking to them. "God blesses you with your very own son, who will lead you on your journey to victory, through hell itself." Everyone cheered and chanted and Jesus Christ took the mic. "Let's give it up for our son, Thomas Sanders!" Everybody screamed his name and clapped and whistled. Thomas smiled and raised his hand as high as he could. "I hope everybody will welcome him with open arms because it is I, Thomas Sanders, your new leader, who will take you on a tour to conquer you, kill you, enslave you, rape you" He began to rap, The crowd of insane clowns began to spew out rap music, laughing and shouting along to it. He continued his rap speech, which was followed by the Crazy Clown Posse singing along, which caused the whole mob of idiots to laugh hysterically. Fin stood there in shock. He had just witnessed Thomas perform for hundreds of fans in front of thousands of people and they were all cheering him on. He felt tears prickle in his eyes but didn’t allow them to fall. Instead he wiped them harshly away. Fin’s jaw clenched tightly. These people should never have had a chance with Thomas Sanders. ‘My son’ indeed.
Jesus Christ looked over at Fin and said, "that clown posse trulywas really insane wow epic" Thomas smiled softly in response. Jesus Christ seemed genuinely amused and looked back at the crowd. "As it stands, we are not going to destroy these people, because we are the ones who brought us peace. Our only enemy is evil, not these clowns! So I'm taking over now, and we shall go on tour to conquer you!" Jesus Christ grinned at the mass of people in front of him and shouted, "LET'S GO!" And suddenly Jesus Christ began chanting "let's go let's go lets go" loudly causing everyone in the mob to begin moving in sync with him. It didn't matter whether it was crazy or sane, they all wanted to go.Jesus Christ smiled widely and Violent J stared at him with admiration and love. Violent J walked towards Jesus Christ and kissed him passionately, his tongue entering Jesus Christ's mouth as he wrapped one of his hands around his neck. Fin watched them both from the doorway and felt his heart ache for the first time since he’d met Thomas. The smile on his lips disappeared but the tears kept streaming out of his eyes. He hadn’t cried this much since he was a kid. He felt like he was going to cry forever. He felt like he was going to die. He felt like he was going to lose Thomas. He felt like he was going to lose himself. He felt like he was going to lose everything. Before Fin could be anymore emo Shaggy comes over and hits Fin across the head with a frying pan . “You need to chill bro” he yells “Get your fucking shit together! You don’t have any business being sad”. Fin vision procedes to go black and he died.
Later Jesus Christ and the Insane Clown posse annouced the Fin is dead hooray tour. Jesus Christ and Violent J had annouced their wedding and everything was going well until the insane clown posse's natural enemies, giant stingrays tried to infiltrate the tour. The tour became dangerous when two giant scorpions attacked and killed half of the crew. When they were finally freed from the sea of venom they all hid to discuss the chaos. "Man them scorpions are like terrorists", Said jesus."Oh yeah this shit is like 9/11 2.0, we need to kick their asses" Shaggy said . "Well I'm not letting stupid giant bugs fuck up our wedding day" Violent Jay snarled while holding Jeuss Christ's hand. The group then got up, grabbed a bunch of pipes and other possible weapons before teaming up against a giant spider creature. They beat its ass and saved everyone else. As soon as they got back to camp they were greeted by the sound of screaming girls. It was the girl's choir. After fighting off the remaining stingray creatures that had invaded the concert, they went to see what happened. Everyone was sat watching TV watching Spongebob when someone mentioned Fin. "Oh yeah he's dead isn't he". The girls had been too busy trying to stop themselves from screaming at seeing the bodies of the others. "Yes, he was stabbed in the chest" Thomas responded. "No I mean he's dead" they replied. "What are yo-" "He's dead, Thomas, we've seen them bodies!" Someone shouted. "No way, I thought they died in the fight" Thomas said looking around at his friends. Everyone gave Thomas disbelieving looks and they started arguing amongst themselves. Thomas then began shitting his pants profusely. Everyone stared at him like he was a disgusting pig. He cried and shit his pants more and more , then he started hyperventilating as he started to shake uncontrollably. His breathing became irregular and ragged and he began choking. The whole group began yelling Thomas's name and comforting him. Thomas then collapsed, he was dead. Finally joined in Hell with fin where they had many sander sides babies.
Jesus Christ and The insane Clown posse used this entire situation as a way to promote their new album "Buttfucking vampires from outer space" an ode to the Insane clowns lost in the ICP and Big Scorpion War. It hit platinum and got them on the billboard top 100.
The End
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Everything Is Dumb Now
everything seems dumb now
or the problems before tuesday
or my problems before tuesday
or the problems i focused on before tuesday
idk if theyre really dumb
but probably
does he like me will it work
venus in pisces taurus sun with a cancer ascendent
moon in leo
idk why liking someone is so terrifying to me
my shrink asked me why having basic needs met seems so impossible
or.
idk
the moon was in aquarius on tuesday i think
or i remember reading “let us hope this is a good omen”
(probably chani nicholas)
for two months i refreshed nine horoscope sites daily asking the internet
what would happen
i saw something this week
about the election coverage was too… like
focusing more on what will happen in november
not what was happening at the time
what will happen vs what is happening
what do we know
idk
this past month i began calling more feelings “pain”
laying in bed thinking “i’m in so much pain lol”
um
have you ever read the attachment theory wikipedia?
i’m sure there are better sources but the wikipedia is really convenient
there are four styles.
and this one style, “disorganized” is like
something like:
the way you’re greeted when you enter a room
and the way you’re treated
was never constant so u never like,
never know when the other shoe will drop
who will abandon when
or u’ll wild out bc like, idk.
the others are what they sound like
secure attachment style is what it sounds like
ppl with disorganized attachment ruin things, sabotage things
bc what’s the point if it’s already. idk
wednesday morning
when i told my therapist i watched someone die, she said
“oh, fuck talking about the election”
but like nah
we talked about the election
and the two guys i saw wearing those red hats
the first time ive seen them irl
first thing in the morning
on my walk up tenth avenue
i almost threw up
and threw myself on them but didnt
but i did also tell her i didn’t feel anything watching him die,
or i didn’t know what i felt or if i was feeling.
i watched him become president from my bed
scared of feeling anything except the most reality as possible
a few hours before,
i watched him make a noise and then he stopped breathing
and then a nurse hit his chest and said, “he’s just sleeping”
(he wasn’t)
she said he had a pulse, he’s fine
(he wasn’t)
it took the supervisor twenty-five minutes to show up
hospice care in a nursing home isn’t a hospital
the way she said it’s about making him comfortable
the way:
there are things that are supposed to happen
people asked if i was ok
my boss hugged me
idk if it was the death or the election
or what i’ve been saying online that has ppl msging me lately
telling me they hope im ok soon
waking up is harder now
it never really was before
i learned to like mornings in college
they felt more hopeful
opportunity, routine, etc
my shrink also told me to read online
specifically disorganized attachment
but that for some reason
and who knows
it’s not all I have. that i can do and do make secure bonds
there’s some secure attachment
something like hope?
idk
she said: attachments just are
you can’t force them
an attachment is
when i told my shrink about his last breath she said something like:
isn’t that all we have, a breath
and then we take another
and keep going
that’s the only difference
other times i’ve watched people die
(and never the act)
there was the clear moment between when they were gone
(when they started taking pain meds)
not their body but themselves
“the priority is comfort”
i only realized today that i don’t know whether or not he was in pain
just that when i got to his room, alone
i’ve never seen anyone like that
i thought he was going to die right then
with me alone
so i grabbed his hand, which was blue
and trying to take off his oxygen mask
i’ve been hearing the term “oxygen mask” a lot more
put on your oxygen mask before you help others
everyone says get out of ur internet bubble
lol
i mean, i agree
i guess
but i live alone
work online
my family is three white men
(it used to be more)
who asked me why i didn’t tell them about my sexual assaults sooner
(i had)
but i guess they forgot
or it doesnt matter? idk
i dont want to have to see them today
or tomorrow
but their dad only dies once
only died once
idk
before tuesday i’d get drunk
get stoned
wake up
apologize
idk
ever since tuesday the idea of feeling anything the most amount of
pain feels wrong
not pain for pain’s sake
but anesthetizing any of the reality
of what is and is about to happen
idk
isn’t there something about how pain is a great motivator
or isnt there that susan sontag thing about not believing someone else is in
pain?
is that the thing
or how people with that disease that makes them not feel pain are fucked
i can’t believe the pain i cause by trying to avoid pain
(myself + others)
getting out of bed isn’t a problem
or wasn’t before tuesday
(now it is)
i’m right by a window and it’s cold
and i just remember it’s real
and i’m where i was where i watched him become president
but
i like routine and waking up and drinking coffee
more so i feel it around 3pm or 5pm or 8pm or 11pm
what’s the fucking point
i don’t feel that way anymore
my anxiety’s been down since all my worst fears came true
i’m not as worried for now as i am a year from now
a year and three months
momentum, etc
it’s been clearer who’s trying to lessen suffering and who’s trying to clear
their name
i’ve been trying to take up less space
or occupy space in a different way
or, idk.
it’s easier to tell ppl i love them
u dont need a reason anymore
or maybe the reason is just more obvious
it’s too much noise n it’s not enough
im getting msgs from ppl telling me to stockpile birth control
but my body rejects most types of birth control
and i haven’t found one that works yet
so like
idk
hasnt loving and fucking always been terrifying
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everyone at my new job treats me with so much respect it's insane but not really because it's just the amount I deserve. I'm just not used to it. I don't have any coworkers that I really dislike, and I'm not in love with any of them either and I think those are overall both improvements. they all call me chef and value my opinion. I suppose the differences now are that I'm the eldest in the kitchen besides head chef , I'm in a position where I have a lot of responsibility, I'm someone many of them often have to ask for things, and I think one of the biggest factors is that I'm not out at work somehow. head chef knows as he's my boss (and he asked once about why my parents chose my name so I had to explain they didn't and I'm just honest so I told the truth) and the owner knows since she needed all my legal info- but otherwise I try not to talk about it. it's mostly younger boys I work with, and there's one I think I would trust with the information, but it just makes me nervous. if they had to know I would own it, but it's a private business and they don't have to share my legal name with anybody, and I'm sort of just enjoying realizing that I can fit in with other guys. I don't want them to look at me differently. maybe it sounds weird, but guys are more relatable than they're portrayed. I was talking to the dishwasher earlier about depression, and he was saying he always found it hard to talk about his with other people because they believed that boys just don't have emotions and told him to man up. but guys do have emotions. so many that men are like 70% of suicide rates. yeah, we talk about cars and girls, but we also talk about anxiety meds and going to therapy. and theyre all so non judgemental. my coworkers, I mean. I have a sparkly manicure and the guy who trained me is like "are those new nails? them shits sparkly" especially when you tell them you got them done with a hot girl , they think it's kind of cool you have a pink manicure and own it. anyway, I cooked for like 40 people today on my own, I had asked my boss to come in and then felt sort of bad because I didn't need him for anything! I did it all by myself and I did it well, and I didn't do the dishes but I only saw one plate come back unfinished. although I did just remember I forgot to take something out of the cold table and toss it... fuck. oh well. anyhow, I knew I could do this. I've been cooking breakfast since I was a little kid. baking is a piece of cake (pun intended) to me. they tell me I'm fast, which is an important skill for a line cook. they are also VERY impressed with my frosting piping skills. I'm just very happy with how this morning went. I might finish off a bottle of wine after I shower about it. I think next time I have a similar amount of people I can tell him to stay home and do it alone . I know I work well under pressure, and I know I can do it without anyone's help. you pace yourself like taking a jog. don't bite off more than you can chew, but don't take bites too small either. don't don't think too hard about it. if it's busy enough for me to be worried about it, I don't have time to overthink it anyway. that's how I like it. fast paced pressure from behind the scenes, nobody watching me make the art. enough time to make a strategy and preform without worrying about how well I'm doing. it's just good. it stimulates my brain right. actually now I'm thinking about my boss telling me that he likes being a chef because he has ADHD.... HMMMMM.....
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