#also this has reminded me i haven't watched it in two weeks. sad. will do so tomorrow i Think
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hi hi i’m a distant follower who loves your love for enchanted. being in love with a movie solidarity!!!💪 anyway i wanna know your enchanted love story. when did you first watch the movie and when did you fall in love with it/them!!!
ohghghugughghghhgehehhe. hi !! i Love this question so much omg 💙💙💙
so the first time I watched it was back when it came out, my mom rented it (or maybe it was on tv, I can't remember) and I don't remember a lot from that experience but I do remember my mom and I laughing really hard over pretty much all of Robert's reactions. truly thought that man was the funniest character ever created (and I was right <3)
after that I didn't think much about it outside of just thinking it was a Good Funny movie, but then when I was around. 18 I think? I had a brief obsession with James Marsden bc of Hairspray and decided to rewatch it and got really obsessed with it. my friend was over and watched it with me and she said something like "I can tell you really like this movie because you haven't said a word this whole time" bc usually when she was around I'd never shut up sdoifjsodijf Robert and Giselle's scenes were hittin tho and I couldn't look away. I remember tearing up when Robert sang during So Close and I knew I was a goner at that point.
after that it was an obsession that would come and go. I remember there was months where I'd watch it once a week, then I'd move on to something else, and then I'd see it on my dvd shelf and think "huh, I wanna watch that!" and it would start all over again. I also remember there was one year where like. for three months in a row, I'd put it on to fall asleep to every night, and then just hit play again if I woke up to the title menu. and then I'd watch it while getting ready for work/eating breakfast.
when the sequel was finally actually in motion, I knew my brain rot was gonna come back, and when they released the trailer and I saw Robert and Giselle had a baby, I knew it was really gonna hit me. the one and only thing I wanted from Disenchanted was married, domestic, fluffy Robert/Giselle and just based off the one trailer I watched I knew my brain was gonna rot away. and it did <3
Disenchanted came at just the right time too bc I was lookin for a something to sink my teeth into in terms of a fixation, so I'm glad this one came back.
#ahhhh i Love this question thank you thank you thank youuuu#💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜#also this has reminded me i haven't watched it in two weeks. sad. will do so tomorrow i Think#lumiereandcogsworth#ask#certified enchanted moment™️
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bless the telephone - j. miller x f!reader
authors note: It is set right before the outbreak, so it's bittersweet. I just love the song Bless the Telephone by Labi Siffre, so I was inspired. I keep deleting my fics, but this one I think I'm gonna keep up.
word count; 750
warnings; Pre-outbreak, Joel's birthday, no physical description of reader, long distance, fluff but really sad when you realise what's happening right after lol, but It's sweet prom!!
song; Bless the Telephone - Labi Siffre (listen if you haven't!!! there's also a Kelis version which is also good)
Business trips weren’t her favourite. Being separated from her family was a foreign feeling, sort of. She worked a lot, but she always came home before the clock struck twelve. She always tucked her girl to bed and kissed her husband good night. But business trips don’t give her that luxury.
It was just a five-day excursion, but she found herself calling home every chance she got. She was glad Sarah was now old enough to have a phone, so she could stop bombarding Joel with questions about her day. Even though he didn’t mind. Oh, Sweet Joel. It was his birthday this week, yet she wasn’t even there to celebrate it. She tried everything in her power to get out of this trip, yet her boss didn’t budge one bit.
She made it back late from a night out with her colleagues. It was a distraction to stop calling home, Joel’s constant nagging of wanting her to enjoy her time overseas and there was nothing to worry about back home. Giving in, she went out with them and had a few too many to drink. Her drunken giggles filled the empty hotel room as she stumbled into bed. It was almost twelve a.m., and she couldn’t even open her door without help from the hotel staff, let alone crunch the time and figure out what it was back home.
“Pick up…” her desperate calls ring him. Her legs are tucked snugly into the expensive sheets of the hotel bed as she waits for him to answer.
And he does, of course, “Damn it, girl, do you know what time it is?” his groggy voice rang.
“Mmmm,” a drunken giggle slips as she lays comfortably against the pillows. The room was dimly lit as she looked at the ceiling. “No, what is the time?”
The sound of sheets rustling can be heard on the other line, the thought of those sheets felt more expensive than the ones she was in now. Those sheets were tainted in Joel Miller, it was covered in it. “3 a.m..” his voice pulled her out of the daze.
“3 a.m.?” she gasps, and guilt fills her heart, she mumbles a drunken apology.
“No, it’s fine.” his small laugh can be heard, she envisions his naked body wrapped in their sheets as he, too, looks up at the ceiling. She can’t wait to come home, to shower him with love and make up for forgetting his birth-...
“Wait…” she sits up immediately, and a look of realisation appears. “It’s your birthday.”
“Ah…” he realises as well. “I guess you're right, technically.” his voice, smooth as butter, filled her ears again. A relaxing tone that sends shivers down her spine.
“Technically?”
“Well, my birthday doesn’t start till I see you…”
“In that case, I better get home quickly…” her small smile pressed against the phone screen, her hunger to be near and hold him and give him the best birthday. A yawn escapes her mouth as she pulls the comforter closer to her chest. “It’s so cold here.”
“I heard,” his rough voice rings, “Sarah said she has a surprise for me tomorrow, it’s gon’ be grand, apparently.”
She smiles, remembering what they bought for him. A watch. It was Sarah’s idea, she wanted to give him something he could wear all the time, no matter where he was—a constant reminder of his two favourite girls. “It is, my love. It is something you would not expect.”
“Oh?” his interest peaked. “Are you gonna tell me what it is?”
“Nope. You’ll just have to wait and see.” She bites her lip, “I wish I were there to see your reaction.”
“You’ve got two more days, you can do it.”
“I gotta remind Sarah to record it.”
A chuckle is heard from the other line, “That girl doesn’t even know how to use her phone yet, she's gonna forget.”
“Well then, you're gonna have to reenact it for me.” she teases. Her eyes grew heavy as the illuminating light from the screen became more painful. “Two more nights, then I’ll you both again. I can’t wait any longer. I’m not ever going on these trips again. I can’t wait to get back home.”
“I’ll always be here waiting for you.”
“And I’ll always come back to you…” her eyes slowly begin to close, the line becomes more quiet. The couple falls asleep in each other's embrace, just as if they were at home, in bed, together.
#joel miller#fanfic#tlou#the last of us#x reader#x you#fluff#bittersweat#pre outbreak#pre outbreak!joel#sarah miller#wife!reader#bless the telephone#hbo max#writing#gongyminzy#reader insert#song inspired
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NAME : dan!!
PRONOUNS : he/him
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : tumblr im. discord. passenger pigeon. I'm very slow sometimes but you should plot with me!!
NAME OF MUSE(s) : clair, cynthia, barry, jupiter/eris + so many mooore (how did it come to this? LMAO)
BEST EXPERIENCE(S) : dedicating this section to both ash (@analuein) and aya (@distortsverity)! ash and I have been writing together for infinity years right here on tumblr. no matter the muse, it's always a blast spinning up plots and watching the magic unfold from there with her. from thorton to violet, to noland and clair. from wildencounters to indie. it's been a fantastic ride. day one. 😎
I transitioned from group rp to indie a few years ago and--at the time--I was all alone. I had no connections, just a lonely barry blog to my name. I wrote drabbles by myself in the dark for two weeks until aya came across my blog with her hikari, and everything just clicked. aya made me feel included, reached out with ideas, plots and feedback, and showed love to barry and all of my muse(s)--and to this day, I still feel TREMENDOUSLY grateful for the helping hand when I felt so isolated. I definitely would not still be writing here without her.
since then, I've had an amazing time here. writing with so many different people, muses, and groups--it's all so good. my best experiences happen when I'm writing (or even plotting) with someone, and everything just works, flows, and fits together and I can just feel that shared excitement. that feeling that we're building a great story together. that's magical. that's why I'm still around, trying new muses, diving headlong into amazing plots/dynamics, letting my imagination run wild, and--as always--writing a lot. much love to EVERYONE who has helped keep that fire burning over the years, but especially ash and aya for giving that flame a chance in the first place. tysm. ❤️
RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : it's been said, but--on a personal level--I wish private communication would happen more, specifically when it comes to interest levels. my time is becoming more and more limited here (sad as that is) and I have always written at a slower, longer pace. so, given how fast this place moves, I would appreciate knowing if a thread has grown stale, or if something's off.
I'm flexible. I'd like to think that I'm pretty laid-back. I want you to have fun, and you need to drop or backburner our thread because life, interest, etc. that's okay. I promise. I also don't mind reminders about cold threads or overdue replies on my end. if that's the case, please let me know right away, and I'll pick it back up or let you know my thoughts. we can try new things, or not. just let me know what you'd like to do, and we can adjust from there. that being said, lack of time or muse =/= lack of interest. I get that. you never need to rush a reply with me, and I will always (for better or worse) assume interest is still there unless told otherwise by you. I'm no herlock sholmes. (I wish I was...)
so, as a courtesy, I'd ask to please talk to me if something's wrong. if you feel the need to drop our thread or aren't interested in an interaction and/or want to start fresh. I won't be upset (quote me on that.) I just want to make sure that the writing vibes are still good, and I want to spend my time here writing things that you (and others) are still into. and in the end, it's not really a big deal--this place is great and I adore my past/present/future thread partners--but it's something that I would appreciate!
(also since I haven't made it clear before: no AI with me, please. let's meet at the same level.)
MUSE PREFERENCES: strong women and brash, sunshiney dudes. (I'll really try anyone, but I certainly have types 😊)
PLOTS OR MEMES : whatever's easier for you to get in the door with--c'mon in!! I don't find myself with the time to reblog many memes lately, but my inbox/IMs are always open for spot interactions, and I'll do a lil' starter call here and there!!
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : I don't mind receiving either, but I always tend to lose myself in the sauce and write a lot oops. you never have to match my length. as long as we're writing together, that's chill enough for me!
BEST TIME TO WRITE : my healthcare job is killing me. I'll try to sneak on for some stuff here and there, but I'm most active during evening/nighttime CST US. confirmed night time scrawler. 🦉
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : some common threads linking all of my muses to me is the fact that we always want to be active, we have (too) high expectations of ourselves, we grew up and are still growing up, and we spend too much time working (and loathe it LMAO)
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I totally get your point on realistic queer media vs BL and I'm also super interested to see which way the eight sense leans. I agree it'll probably go more on the side of realistic queer media (whereas I think unintentional love story will fall more on the BL side). I will say that having watched just about every gay korean film and short film I could find over the span of a two week period when I had covid, they do seem to like angst but with happy endings. I can only think of a few that ended sadly. But unfortunately the ones that ended sadly ended VERY sadly. I guess we'll see! I also want to say I'm impressed with the acting and how full the scenes feel so far, like with background characters and stuff. This doesn't seem like there's a huge production budget but it seems bigger than a lot of KBLs and its used very well so far, it really feels like a kdrama and the cinematography is fantastic.
The framing of scenes and such is also clearly done really thoughtfully and has emphasized the actors' chemistry (which is so good). While some things might be a little obvious, it's also well done so far; like I love the shot of their legs walking on the beach where Ji Hyun stutters his steps to get back in perfect sync with Jae Won and the close up of their hands touching when he gives Jae Won the lighter. I like shows that have more small touches and details like that! Reminds me of Mr. Darcy's hand flex after helping Elizabeth into the carriage in pride and prejudice if you've ever seen the 2005 movie of that lol.
I do hope they end it well. I haven't seen a lot of sad endings out of Korea but as they branch out and experiment with BL and queer stories... you never know what they're gonna do. We saw a lot more of that in some early Thai BL and it's coming back in their more experimental stuff and we know Taiwan and Japan are both just kind of... generally dangerous in those terms.
Honestly, for all that I can see the danger in The Eighth Sense, I think we'll get a happy ending. I think it's going to be painful and I wouldn't be surprised at a time jump... but I think the ending itself will give us something but I am also very open that I could be proven wrong.
I love the dynamics and the characters and the careful closeups and the reactions that feel natural and very queer. Oh, the queer waves coming off these boys and the way JaeWon and JiHyun just... pause around each other. There's a palpable change in their energy once they're together and when JaeWon insists his friends go back to the place he knew JiHyun worked? Yeah, that energy was gorgeous.
I am looking forward to this show with only the small hesitation of how much pain is coming out way for these boys, the popular boy in the closet and the loner who seems to basically be a closet, lonely and soft and unsure... oh, this is gonna ache.
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Rules: list 10 of your comfort shows and then tag 10 people
I've been tagged by @bengiyo, thank you! (っ˘ω˘ς )
- Doctor Who: Whatever my mood is, whatever the reason I need some comfort, there’s always one or two episodes of this one that will provide exactly what I need.
- Sense 8: Sometimes I just need to watch people connect, love, learn to understand, and help each other across the world to feel a little less alone a little less sad, and this one does that so beautifully.
- Batman the Animated Series (1992): This one is just a huge part of me. It birthed my love of Batman, super heroes, comic books, animation, and it stays my fave incarnation of the bat. Either in French or in English, this one is always here for me.
- Criminal Minds: I've always had a soft spot for procedural shows- i love a mystery of the week format with a team I can imprint on. So despite the copaganda of it all, I still love this one dearly, the team is one of my favorite and I can rewatch it endlessly.
- Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna: That show opened me up and put me back together when I watched it in february, and I find myself coming back to it often, putting on an episode here and there when I need to feel soft.
- Until We Meet Again: I know this one may not sound like a very comforting show at first glance, what with all the tragedy and sadness. But it’s full of hope, and things DO get better. It also has two fascinating families, great sets of siblings (as always, my weakness), and fantastic friendships. I just cherish it so much, I cry a lot but I always come out of it feeling warmed up.
- Takara kun to Amagi kun: This one did a lot of heavy lifting for me this year. It's soft and gentle, a little silly, it's short so I can watch it over a bad day... it's like a nice little desert and a great pick me up.
- Daria: There are days where nothing can make me feel better but that smart, acerbic, cynical teen and her surviving high school. I discovered this one once I was out of high school but I still feel very attached to Daria who reminds me very much of one of my best friends.
- Love Is More Than a Word: it may not be very well known, and it may have suffered a lot from censorship plot wise giving it a rushed end, but I love this little show beyond words. I adore bumbling magistrate Tao Mo who is so kind and gentle, his relationship with Gu She, it's funny and sweet and touching and they have a wedding at the end I just - I just love it.
- And then, I realized that while I rewatch stuff a lot, when I really need comfort I tend to skim through shows just to put on some very specific scenes so here's a little selection of what has comforted me the most this year: the "Jiu hugging Tian after thinking he got hurt" and the "I love you too I MEAN THE KIDS LOVE YOU" scenes from Khun Chai, the five (ish) Nick/Neil scenes from Love Syndrome III, all the dancing endings of I Will Knock You, the Malik/Ken duet from Rainbow Prince, the "my future boyfriend"-and-squeal between Sky and Jiao in SCOY, the scene where Onoe runs after Kaburagi outside the bar from Ameiro Paradox, the Sean/Maitee crumbs in Star in your mind, the drunk scene that leads to Rak realizing that he's in love with Diao from RakDiao, Xiao Lanhua's proposal to DFQC from LBFD, the hand holding on the bridge in Kieta Hatsukoi...
As always, if you feel like doing it (and haven't done it yet!) 'll tag @troubled-mind @heretherebedork @sparklyeyedhimbo @petrichoraline @benkaaoi @coquelicoq @sauvechouris @scienceoftheidiot @dengswei and @iguessitsjustme
#thank you again for asking!#can't present stuff i like without babbling about it i'm afraid aha#i rewatch shows a lot but to pick myself up I very very often just... go back to small moments that made me feel good#tag games
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28th of august ‘22
I was browsing over one of my favorite artists’ newly released album and I stumbled upon this. It has been a week and I am still as obsessed as ever with her song ‘Backburner’.
To be honest, I never really knew about the word backburner until I encountered it in her album. I searched it on Google, and it said:
“If something is on the back burner, it is temporarily not being dealt with or considered, especially because it is not urgent or important: We've all had to put our plans on the back burner for a while.”
I couldn’t imagine being on someone’s backburner, or their second (or maybe even third) choice, or being put to last because you’re not the priority. But actually, it’s not being someone’s least priority that made the song devastating to me.
For me, it’s how we still feel joy and settle for the less despite them treating us like that.
I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling
You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling
And for once, I don't care about what you want
As long as we keep talking (as long as we're talking)
If the old version of myself learned about this song then, I know she would bawl her eyes out for a night. And then, after that night, I know she would still choose to go back to someone.
Actually, if someone were to read this, especially when they knew me before, they would think that I’m being too cheesy about a moment in my life that happened 5 years ago. I don’t know, I feel that people won’t actually get where you’re coming from because they didn’t experience it themselves. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) blame them though. It’s my choice and my experience to begin with.
It's pathetic, but at least you are, too
I don't know what to do
I don't like anyone except sometimes you
Oh how I love to be self-aware (that we’re pathetic.) Yet, despite knowing, we still make ugly decisions, right? Is this in our nature as humans or what.
After everything you put me through
I somehow still believe in you
Just why are we settling for less… really.
Someone Great (2019)
I watched Someone Great for the third time 3 days ago. I was crying at 2 AM as Jenny read her letter-slash-monologue directed to her boyfriend of nine years.
Nine years.
Imagine knowing someone head-to-toe to the point that you’re able to recognize their side burns, the length of their legs, or their nape. Created memories with them that every street and sidewalk you’ll pass by has a corresponding moment of you and them together. Nine years was a lot for two people.
I was reminded of Backburner as I was watching Someone Great. The odd thing about it is that they’re not actually related to each other at all. Jenny was not on Nate’s backburner, neither is Nate was on Jenny’s. They were always each other’s priority. Again, for nine years.
But I guess what makes this heartbreaking is that despite picking each other and being their own first choices in those years, they still aren’t made to be together.
Now the question is: Would you choose to be someone’s then-priority or to be on their backburner?
Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried
'Cause maybe you'll finally choose me after you've had more time
I thought I was a fast learner
But guess I won't ever mind, guess I won't ever mind
The common thing about the two is we are all being faced with possible choices, right? But honestly, what’s the better choice between the two—or better yet, what’s the less devastating decision?
Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride
Maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes
(It's their fault that) I'll always be in your corner
'Cause I don't feel alive 'til I'm burnin' on your backburner
Niki’s Backburner also mentioned something related to her (although I don’t want to assume) parents’ relationship. For me, it posed how her settling for the bare minimum is related to how her mother did. And yes, this is why some people stay with someone who gives them the least amount of effort; because even if we are not the priority, this is, by far, the most amount of love we have ever gotten. It reminded me of a quote from a movie that I love:
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)
The song ends with the word backburner being repeatedly said. Like it’s haunting us… backburner, backburner.
I hope one day we’ll all realize how we all deserve the better things in life. Even if we think we don’t deserve it, but honestly, we do.
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The thing that gets me about even bringing up how he was perceived prior to returning in 2020 is HE didn't even like the character and was doing the best he could with what he was given. He was so unhappy that he was going to leave if he didn't get to be the Tribal Chief. People act like the story is what it is because WWE is hoarding all the good writing for the BL and ignoring that Roman finally has creative control of his character. If it could be replicated, wouldn't they have done it already after three years? And that's not to say there haven't been other great stories, there definitely have been, but it's not the same thing as a story where people are so invested that one segment from a weekly show (not even a PPV) will have 20 million views in less than a week.
Also I need people to make up their mind about what the problem with Roman is. Cause he takes up so much time that could go to the rest of the talent and if they had that time they could be as over as him but they also complain he's a part timer so what exactly is being done with all that Romanless time? It's almost like if he wasn't there you weren't gonna get that time anyway which is the booker's fault, NOT his.
Oh sis, but we are talking about two big problems at the bottom of all the controversies born around this storyline.
The first is that the story of the Bloodline is written by Roman, but nobody, not even the WWE (for obvious reasons) admits the truth. WWE writers can't write. They have less talent than me when I decide to give vent to my fantasies, I put aside the rules and logic of this job, to write a fanfiction. They write badly and consequently create badly their characters, the wrestlers. Roman planned in his free time a better story than them doing this job, he took control, he played it smart by calling Heyman and Hayes before convincing Vince, he made for the first time the big voice and he was right. Because in addition he took with him talented people and in whom he had total trust, who helped him unconditionally by adding their own talent and ideas, like the Usos, to his own. And he did it all because WWE was mishandling him and in his opinion, mine too, even mishandling his family.
The second big problem is how the majority of people see this man. Crowds people and the IWC is a thing, but among those who work in their business he has always been seen as a person who gives everything and now, because of this visibility, they too are changing their opinion. And I don't doubt that there's a bad mood about big roster issues, but there are people making serious accusations when during PLEs are sent eight hundred commercials to remind people what they're watching instead of giving them actual matches. There are people who talk about stolen time, when Mr. Rhodes makes three entrances with his entire music in a single episode of Raw even when he only has to say two words. When they give time to Seth, silent in the ring, allowing fans to stop Finn in his in ring promo. And I can go on... But ofc its Roman and his family too, they're better targets and they're on top for years now so the stolen time its their fault and with it, everything else. But the real reason its that they're on top, he is on top, they even getting better month after month, year after year, and the WWE have still not find someone to replace him and them. The sad thing is that now the other talents, unlike a few years ago, are feeling the abyss that came out with this storyline, they feeling how much they are left behind, but if they are there its not Roman's fault or the storyline, because him and the story have it gave momentum to a lot of people and those people now, they're slowly coming back because they're not in the story anymore, not because they're worth less or Roman is stealing their time. Sami and KO are wonderful, unique, but now they're again WWE toys like they were before the story with Roman and they are just the most simple example.
#this riot is awful really and im proud of him and his ass on vacation leaving people talking behind#ask me
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About yesterday's cry for connection, several things happened at once, as they do. On top of the seasonal despresh hitting it's lows and teasing brief moments of clarity.
Small on the richter scale: The gmail app once again failed to block dad's email which was a seemingly anodyne "happy birthday did you get my ecard (i did and promptly put my emails on their 'do not send' list) , did you do anything special with your friends for the big 4.0?" 1- He's acting like we're buddies, I haven't spoken to him in a decade 2- He's either forgotten or in denial about his complete failure at being a decent human being in November which led to sis finally giving up on him. 3- One of his fave digs was my lack of solid friends (he moved us every three years so that's partly on him) and inability to do milestone stuff like an 18th or 21st birthday bash. It's very on brand to be able to break me in two nice sentences. But it's not so much him per se but the friends who turned out to be anti vaxx or anti mask so I expressed sadness and haven't tried to rebuild. I'm not sure there is any thing to rebuild when folks are explicit their beliefs exclude you.
Bigger on the richter scale: I've injured my pectorals several times in march doing abdominal building exercises and having to catch myself when my hip give out from pain. It's very painful and sets me right back. I need to work on all the muscles around the hips before I can start work on my atrophied lower back. It's at least 3 more months added to the rehabilitation process. Realistically I don't think I'll be rerooting or doing any handicrafts over 40 minutes long per week until 2024. And then it won't be commissions.
It's been 3 full months of rehab work, there is real visible progress but it's very slow and disappointingly small.
I also have to whittle down the project dolls I've kept and get it all out of the house even at a loss (oof) along with a serious re-evaluation of what I buy (double oof). Project dolls are only fun if you can actually *do* the project not just know the exact steps you *would* do. That means other types of treats and finding other things to do when I've got some free time and am itching to make something. The ones that will stay need hairstyles, maybe quick decoden hair and wigs so I won't be reminded until I'm ready, plastic is patient but I am not! (That'll actually be fun to do)
In good news, the anemia has improved and my eyebrows are growing back brown (4mm of brown, 6 of white lol) , I'm on a more solid treatment for GI candida and hope to heal my sore half taste-broken tongue.
I've resolved to purchase anti-mosquito summer clothes for walks if needed as a necessary health expense. Ties into the money insecurities mentioned before with a mental 'fix'.
Tiny on the richter scale but these things add up :
The whiplash of seeing dolltwt acting like they're the nice place for nice people or "it's only funny when it's us, it's malicious if you're someone who can't sit with us". Can't believe I got sucked into that nonsense. Stupid rabbithole to go down.
A youtuber getting too parasocially needy and setting off all my alarm bells.
Way more youtubers who *were* interesting and educational on certain subjects but lately have got lost in navel gazing about whether they're making the mind changing art/activism they dreamed of. It's part film grad, part evangelical need to have convert notches on your belt instead seeing the value in rebuilding broken things, paying someone's bills, prevention not miracles.
You could be educating for education's sake (teacher isn't a lesser job) and doing art for art's sake. I can handle a certain amount of self indulgence and there is always a place for self congratulation on a hard job but the performative is winning out over the active work and I just don't have much grace left to spare right now. I'd rather hear a well made liberal journalistic podcast on a subject than watch a radical leftist who'll derail the point with the implication that it's a sacrifice to be talking about this subject instead of being a 'proper' film maker.
Doesn’t sound like much but when you've carved out your hour of listening and that's not happening because it's become messy then there's a hole and it's really hard to find the right balance of interesting but no cliffhangers or nihilism, no toxic positivity no false promises. With my current desperation for routines and extreme pickyness: You see the problem right?
So, in a nutshell I need to find new treats, new entertainment, more courage to get rid of items I'm attached to, find rerooters in the EU so I can just refer all queries without having to explain that my back is rekt and the rest of me is rekt so healing will be stupid long, set a goal of acceptable hip pain while exercising and a goal of how much hip pain to aim for that won't mess with ab and dorsal work. Wait til enough emotional balance to donate recycle clothes that look rough. Dare to open up and make new friends knowing that heartbreak is inevitable. Cool cool cool. We'll start small.
❤️❤️❤️
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been a while! been busy irl and also not in the best headstate but. A short writeup of what i've been reading/watching/doing.
Watching: Our Flag Means Death, assorted horror movies, Adventure time.
OFMD season 2 has been tons of fun so far! I've been watching with a friend at my place and we get to harass the orange cat while we watch. He loves attention so he doesn't mind (much). Can we talk abt the bell scene, though? hot damn. awakened things in me.
Horror movies watched have been: Barbarian (spooky but I think more disgusting/sad/pathetic than truly scary), Pet Sematary (halfway through, p spooky!), Jennifer's Body (not scary, very fun), IT (rewatch, still a solid time), Malignant (partway through, a fun time), Repo! (fun! very fun!), and probably more? there have been a Lot of horror movies between weekly streams with internet friends and dinner+drink+horror nights with housemates
Somehow I missed the Adventure Time craze as a teen, but i've been enjoying catching up! a fun show to watch when i dont want to think abt anything. The art style seems very uhhhhh inconsistent though? a bit disorienting
Reading: She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan. Hoooly fuck. This book is driving me insane in the absolute best way. I tried reading it last year and fizzled out around the gorge scene even though I was really enjoying it. I've been on a bunch of long bus rides lately, so I picked it up again and truly losing my mind. All of the POVs are so distinct and well-done, the opening scene of the girl stealing her brother's name and the way Zhu Chongba goes on to claim her destiny as well! The gender fuckery! The woman disguised as a male monk meeting the eunuch general! The rage and horror and disgust present in Ouyang's narration, the razorwire cunning and determination of Zhu Chongba's, the complexities of Esen's court!!! And the main romance is absolutely fucking insane. A woman who wants the world at her feet and a wife just trying to survive. Screaming, crying, etc etc etc.
There have been multiple times in the book where I had to pause and lose my mind silently for a few seconds like. WOW. Dearly looking forward to finishing this book and reading He Who Drowned the World. Pictured below, one of my favorite passages.
Other things I've been reading (wip fics):
Tarnished Gold, Scum Villain fic. Absolutely engrossing fic where Shen Yuan transmigrates into Gongyi Xiao instead of Shen Qingqiu. The characterization is beyond top-notch, it's honestly aspirational. The POV is a Luo Binghe fresh from the Abyss and hellbent on causing Gongyi Xiao's complete and utter disgrace. The slow shift from plotting and scheming to a completely in-character Binghe obsession to (eventually) romance? Delightful. So crunchy to read.
Tasting the Outer Road: the Outlaw's Guide to Good Gunsmoke Eating, Trigun Maximum fic. I'm obsessed with everything this author puts out tbh, but a post-Trimax canon fic featuring Knives as a food reviewer and examining consumption, the twins' place in the world, and the harm wrought by Knives is everything I've ever wanted.
Welcome! Everything is Fine. IDW Transformers fic. A Good Place x Transformers mashup... kind of. It's fun! It'll make you laugh! It's got Starscream/Minimus aka the transformers ship of all time!
Listening to: So much. It's been a lot of Hozier lately (concert is less than two weeks away!!), but there was a man at the farmer's market this week singing the Decemberists and that reminded me how much I love them so. shrugs. let's just say i've been rolling around in indie albums.
Working on: Classwork. VW bangfic. I've been busy and I'm very much at the stage in the fic where I'm hating everything I write. But that's fine, the important thing is that it gets written (I say as I contemplate my wip which hasn't had meaningful progress being added for a While now i am so very stuck). My arm's been positively fucked these past few weeks, so I haven't had the opportunity to draw much. Hopefully eventually! I want to do gift art for VWBB friends still, but I'm running out of time.
I've applied to be an officer at a club, curious to see if I get the position. Fingers crossed, I guess? I haven't done IRL leadership stuff in a while, it would be nice to get back into it.
I've been journaling a lot lately, giving it another go after it just made me spiral hard during the early pandemic era. Not sure if it's been helping, but it's definitely better than losing my mind in public on social media? Baby steps.
Final note, very important: Please appreciate the orange cat being harassed.
#asterposting#general apologies to anyone trying to contact me lately i've been going Through It a bit#and also trying very hard to break my socmed addiction haha#been running mostly off of queue for a while now
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Billboard USA Exclusion Zone Episode 9 (04/22/2023)
Hello there and welcome to my weekly show where I look at the new debuts from the Billboard Global Excluding US chart. Yes I didn't do this last week. Part of it because I had final thesis to revise. But also I didn't feel it with most of the debuts and the less I said about Melanie Martinez...the better.
Anyways this week is definitely more interesting than last week because we have three j-pop songs and one of them came from the most hyped anime this season Oshi no Ko. We also have some k-pop too and even some surprises. Let's do this.
-----------------------------------------------------
16. "People Pt. 2" by Agust D ft. IU
Another day, another new solo song from a BTS member. Now we get Agust D who usually do the rap portion of a lot of BTS songs with this being another rap song. This reminded me of early 2010's rap song where you have a singer doing the hook and it just reminded me that Airplanes is now could be considered as retro...next.
23. "Search & Rescue" by Drake
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (this is shit)
30. "I AM" by IVE
I love a lot of IVE songs and I will say that After Like has the best obvious sampling last year. Which is why it's kinda disappointing that this didn't clicked with me as much as it did. The production is tiring and it's basically "I'm back bitch" singles.
80. "Un Finde Crossover #2" by Ke personajes X Big One X FMK
I was vibing to this...then the farty synth and the laser beam sound appeared.
83. "Baby Don't Hurt Me" by David Guetta, Anne-Marie & Coi Leray
This is just sad now. Like I think this song that made me realized that maybe AI music isn't so bad after all when anything David Guetta made in 2022-23 sounds like AI generated mush.
102. "Mera Na" by Sidhu Moose Wala, Burna Boy & Steel Banglez
First and foremose Rest In Peace Sidhu Moose Wala. Secondly this song is just a well produced Punjabi rap and the addition of Burna Boy here is needed.
135. "Idol" by Yoasobi
And here it is. The song that might be the center piece of Oshi no Ko. Anime series based on critically acclaimed manga made by the same guy that did Kaguya-sama. Now even though I haven't watched the anime, I have been spoiled by the manga and well the reason why I swelled up while listening to the song while reading the lyrics...yeah this song is something special.
141. "Kizuna no Kiseki" by MAN WITH A MISSION x milet
Oh hi it's another Demon Slayer song but tbh might be the worst one imo. Yeah this song is great but it's typical for shounen anime to have banger OP at this point and nothing could beat Gurenge.
146. "Never Felt So Alone" by Labrinth (uncredited: Billie Eilish)
One of my favorite content creators Spectrum Pulse coined a term "Riverdale-core" to describe songs with bombast but no substance tackling social issues but with the gaudiness of a vaudville villain. Well for this song I wanna coined a term "Euphoria-core" which is lowkey mostly RnB song with strings and mechanical production.
154. "Zero" by NewJeans
Now I am interested what NewJeans will follow up after the big success of Ditto and OMG. And seems like they are making...a drum and bass song about Coke Zero....okay then.
162. "Chanel" by Becky G & Peso Pluma
Now we will see more impact next week, but what a year it is for Mexican music. Seems like the sound of the trumpet plus that bassline is caught on (tbh idk what to say at this point like after listening to Idol with subs on I'm a jsdhjkdsh)
178. "LADY" by Kenshi Yonezu
WHY IS THERE TWO COKE COMMERCIAL SONGS???
I highly recommend everyone to listen to these songs.
#agust d#kpop#drake#rap#trap rap#hip hop#ive#brazilian music#david guetta#anne marie#coi leray#sidhu moose wala#burna boy#yoasobi#oshi no ko#hoshino ai#demon slayer#man with a mission#milet#jpop#labrinth#billie eilish#euphoria#newjeans#coke zero#coca cola#becky g#peso pluma#mexican music#kenshi yonezu
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HELLO DASHERS!!!!
we are very sad we weren't able to do a final EOY review show for y'all (a reminder again to get your flu shots!) but we still have sO MANY recommendations to share with you from our year. this is probably going to get long so
our favorite things we watched this year under the cut!
first up, @chero recs!!!
TV
Feel Good (Netflix) - Ended in 2021 but is way underrated!!
Ghosts (UK) (BBC)
Ghosts (US) (CBS)
Heartstopper (Netflix)
Mozart in the Jungle (Prime Video) - Cancelled years ago but also so underrated
Our Flag Means Death (HBO)
Reboot (Hulu)
Reservation Dogs (FX/Hulu)
Search Party (HBO)
Severance (AppleTV+)
Succession (HBO)
Taskmaster (PlutoTV in the US - also Taskmaster's official YouTube channel has most seasons!)
The Bear (FX/Hulu)
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime Video)
The Midnight Club (Netflix)
The Other Two (HBO)
The Righteous Gemstones (HBO)
The White Lotus (HBO)
Yellowjackets (Showtime)
FILM
Bodies Bodies Bodies
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Fire Island
Spirited
The Menu
Thor: Love & Thunder
Triangle of Sadness
Wendell & Wild
and @thelaurenshippen's recs!!
(first off, cherokee did such a nice job putting these all in a spreadsheet for me and putting them in alphabetical order and y'all are just gonna get my stream of consciousness as I go through my 2022 journal watchlist and pull out my favorites okay here we go)
(oh wait, also, it should be said I whole-heartedly endorse cherokee's whole tv list (I've seen, like, 2 movies this year) - the only stuff I haven't watched is feel good, mozart in the jungle, the white lotus, and ghosts (though it's been on my list) so everything else would have been on my list, but I'm not gonna repeat them. okay, NOW here we go)
Station Eleven (HBO) - oh my god I CRIED AND CRIED
Abbot Elementary (ABC/HBOMax/Hulu)
Deadwood (HBO) - decades old at this point but so good
Justified (FX/Hulu) - ditto, also it's coming back in '23
The Dropout (Hulu)
Starstruck (HBO)
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (HBO)
Hacks (HBO)
Barry (HBO)
The Sex Lives of College Girls (HBO)
The Wilds (Amazon Prime) - cancelled before its time!
A League of Their Own (Amazon Prime)
Interview With The Vampire (AMC)
Avenue 5 (HBO)
She-Hulk (Disney+)
Andor (Disney+) - this, Severance, LOTR, IWTV and Barry were probably my favorites from the whole year
Dead to Me
and for video games, I HIGHLY recommend:
Mass Effect Legendary Edition
Horizon Forbidden West
Outer Wilds
Inscryption (now on console and hOLY SHIT)
God of War Ragnarok
what were YOUR favorites from the year?
#tumblr2022#recommendations#to watch#yes I did just past media recs over the official tumblr art#it's december 21st there's only so much i can do lol
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Thorn Bush (Doctor Who Story)
Chapter 16: The Shakespeare Code
Masterlist
A/N: Sad to hear the news about Bernard Cribbins. He will be missed.
——
Kathy arrives in London a couple of years before the Tenth Doctor and Martha arrive in 1599, so as to settle herself into this life. She gets a job at the Elephant Inn under Dolly Bailey.
Carlyle and Ashildr are still off doing their own thing though they did pop in after Kathy arrived in London. Kathy warned them that they can't stay for long as the Doctor that will be arriving hasn't met Ashildr yet.
It's now 1599 CE/AD and Kathy is 1,069. There is a performance of Loves Labour's Lost at the Globe and once she hears that William has announced that Loves Labour's Won will be performed the next night instead of next week, Kathy knows that the Doctor and Martha have arrived.
As she serves up the three men at the inn, she's buzzing with excitement at meeting a new companion. It'll be odd and emotional seeing this Doctor after saying goodbye not long before. It will also be the second youngest she has seen the Doctor.
——
"Here ya go, Will. Drink up." Kathy says as she walks into the room and places down a tray of tanks of beer. "There's enough beer in this lodgings house to sink the Spanish." She doles out the tanks to three men at the table.
"Kathy Davis, you've saved my life." Will remarks.
"I'm sure Dolly Bailey will do more than that later tonight." Kathy replies. She turns to Lilith, one of the witches pretending to be a maid. "And you, girl, hurry up with your tasks. The talk of gentlemen is best not overheard." She knows this is one of the witches but she does not want to give the game away.
"Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am." Lilith says. Kathy watches her leave with narrowed eyes. She knows the Doctor will turn up soon, she felt the pull when he arrived.
"You must be mad, Will." Richard Burbage, otherwise known as Dick, declares. "'Loves Labour's Won'? We're not ready. It's supposed to be next week. What made you say that?"
"You haven't even finished it yet." Will Kempe points out.
"I've just got the final scene to go. You'll get it by morning." Will reassures. He drinks his beer.
"Hello!" Kathy sees the Tenth Doctor appear and knock on the open door. "Excuse me! I'm not interrupting, am I? Kathy?" He faults when he sees her before grinning. "Hello!"
"Hello there." Kathy says.
"Brilliant!" The Doctor turns to Will. "Mr. Shakespeare, isn't it?"
Will groans, putting a hand to his forehead. "Oh no, no, no, no. Who let you in? No autographs. No, you can't have yourself sketched with me. And please don't ask where I get my ideas from. Thanks for the interest. Now be a good boy and shove..." he then sees Martha standing behind the Doctor. "Hey, nonny nonny. Sit right down here next to me." Will turns to Dick and Kempe. "You two get sewing on them costumes. Off you go."
"Come on, lads. I think our William's found his new muse." Kathy remarks to the two men.
Martha sees Kathy and gives her a hug. "Kathy! It's great to see you again. How are you here?"
"Well, firstly for me it's the first time and secondly, why not?"
Martha frowns, confused. "What?"
"I'll explain later." The Doctor mutters.
"Sweet lady." Will says in awe as Martha and the Doctor sit at the table. "Such unusual clothes. So... fitted."
"Um, verily, forsooth, egads." Martha stumbles. Kathy can see she's nervous and excited. It reminds her of Rose. Kathy looks at the Doctor sadly knowing this is him just after his loss.
"No, no, don't do that. Don't." The Doctor says to her before holding out the psychic paper to Will. "I'm Sir Doctor of TARDIS and this is my companion, Miss Martha Jones."
Will observes the paper. "Interesting, that bit of paper. It's blank."
The Doctor stares at him impressed. "Oh, that's... very clever. That proves it. Absolute genius."
Martha peers at the paper. "No, it says so right there. Sir Doctor, Martha Jones. It says so."
"And I say it's blank." Will retorts.
"Psychic paper. Um, long story. Oh, I hate starting from scratch." The Doctor complains to Martha. He puts the psychic paper away.
"So rude." Kathy remarks.
"Psychic. Never heard that before and words are my trade." Will wonders. "Who are you exactly? More's the point, who is your delicious blackamoor lady?"
Martha is shocked at his words. "What did you say?" She asks, aghast.
"Oops." Will says though he doesn't look sorry. "Isn't that a word we use nowadays? An Ethiop girl? A swarth? A Queen of Afric..."
"Hey, Will." Kathy quickly interrupts. "The lady does not like it, so stop." Martha gives her a thankful look. Will shrugs carelessly but stops speaking.
"Um, Martha's from a far-off land. Freedonia." The Doctor explains.
"Excuse me!" Mr Lynley, the Master of the Revels, enters the room. "Hold hard a moment. This is abominable behaviour. A new play with no warning? I demand to see a script, Mr Shakespeare. As Master of the Revels, every new script must be registered at my office and examined by me before it can be performed."
"Tomorrow morning, first thing, I'll send it 'round." Will reassures.
"I don't work to your schedule, you work to mine." Lynley snaps. "The script, now!"
"I can't."
"Then tomorrow's performance is cancelled." Lynley announces.
"It's all go, 'round here, isn't it?" Martha remarks.
"I'm returning to my office for a banning order. If it's the last thing I do, 'Love's Labours Won' will never be played." Lynley declares. He leaves. Kathy wishes to stop it but she doesn't know how as she can't help but think of the consequences if the witches learn they've been caught too soon.
Martha takes a sip of her beer. "Well, then... mystery solved. That's 'Love's Labours Won' over and done with. Thought it might be something more, you know... more mysterious."
Just as she says those words, they hear screaming from outside. Oh no, she had failed. They rush out to the street where Lynley is staggering and spitting up water. Dolly Bailey joins them.
"It's that Lynley bloke." Martha says.
"What's wrong with him?" The Doctor questions.
"He's drowning." Kathy tells him.
"Drowning? Leave it to me. I'm a doctor." The Doctor says. He goes to Lynley's side.
"So am I near enough." Martha joins him.
Lynley falls to the ground despite Martha and the Doctor holding him. Kathy squeezes her eyes closed so as not to look at another life she has failed to save. The Doctor stands and runs to look down the street.
Martha listens for a heartbeat and breathing. "Gotta get the heart going. Mr Lynley, c'mon, can you hear me? You're gonna be all right." She prepares to start mouth-to-mouth as the Doctor returns and Kathy joins them. Water gushes from Lynley's mouth. "What the hell is that?"
"I've never seen a death like it. His lungs are full of water, he drowned and then... I dunno, like a blow to the heart, an invisible blow." The Doctor observes in disbelief. "Kathy?"
"There's something else at play that we can't tell these lot." Kathy replies.
"You're right." He stands and addresses Dolly. "Good mistress, this poor fellow has died from a sudden imbalance of the humours. A natural if unfortunate demise. Call a constable and have him taken away."
"Yes, sir." Lilith joins them. Kathy gives her a stony look.
"I'll do it, ma'am." Lilith says. She walks away. The Doctor crouches back down beside the body.
"And why are you telling them that?" Martha asks.
"The Dark Ages has only just finished." Kathy explains.
"If I tell them the truth, they'll panic and think it was witchcraft." The Doctor adds.
"Okay, what was it then?" Martha asks.
"Witchcraft."
——
They all walk back into the Elephant Inn, digesting what has happened.
"I got you a room, Sir Doctor. You and Miss Jones are just across the landing." Dolly Bailey says. She leaves.
"Poor Lynley. So many strange events." Will says. "Not least of all, this land of Freedonia where a woman can be a doctor?"
"Where a woman can do what she likes." Martha replies.
"And you, Sir Doctor. How can a man so young have eyes so old?"
"I do a lot of reading." The Doctor replies shortly.
"A trite reply. Yeah, that's what I'd do." Will shrugs off and turns to Martha. "And you, you look at him like you're surprised he exists. He's as much of a puzzle to you as he is to me. While Kathy is unsurprised. Understandable as she's always been a mystery herself."
Kathy shrugs with a smirk.
"I think we should say good night." Martha quickly says. She leaves.
"I must work. I have a play to complete." Will announces as the Doctor and Kathy walk to the door. "But I'll get my answers tomorrow, Doctor, and I'll discover more about you and why this constant performance of yours."
The Doctor stops at the doorway. "All the world's a stage." Kathy rolls her eyes and leaves as they continue to talk.
——
"How do you know who I am if we've never met?" Martha questions Kathy as the latter joins the former in her room. "Last time I met you, you said you had met me before and I thought maybe that's how you knew what was going to happen with the Judoon but this time you seem to know a lot more than you say and I can't have told you. So, what gives?"
"You're good Martha Jones." Kathy casually remarks.
Martha huffs and puts her hands on her hips. "Well, come on! You're not just an alien, are you?"
"No, I was human once." Kathy explains. It's getting confusing who she's told what.
Martha's eyes widen in disbelief. "What, how? How did you change?" She asks.
Kathy shrugs. "Don't really know, just that I was human, living my life and watching this Tv show called Doctor Who."
Martha feels back in shock. "What?!"
"Yeah." Kathy chuckles. "Then one day I die just after my 21st birthday and reborn into a different world and suddenly I am meeting the alien that I had watched on Tv so much and everyone he's travelled with it seems." She knows she's met a lot of them but there's still some to go even with just new who companions.
"So, you're from a different dimension?"
"Yeah, seems so."
"How did you die?" Martha asks. Kathy pulls a face, about to avoid it when the Doctor walks in.
"It's not exactly five-star, is it?" Kathy says to quickly change the conversation. Taking Martha's line seemed a quick way to do it. The Doctor looks at her softly. She knows he probably heard the tail end of their conversation but also wonders if she ever tells him what she dares not to think about.
"Oh, it'll do. I've seen worse." The Doctor casually replies.
Martha, unhappy about the change in conversation, moves on. "I haven't even got a toothbrush."
"Ooh." The Doctor pats his pockets and pulls out a brush. "Contains Venusian spearmint."
Martha takes it. "So, who's going where? I mean, there's only one bed." She points out. Kathy winces. This is the bit she didn't like about the time Martha travelled with the Doctor, the unrequited crush.
"Well, I already have a room so don't mind me." Kathy says.
"We'll manage. C'mon." The Doctor flops onto the bed. Martha continues standing.
Kathy knows she needs to get moving if she wants to try to save Dolly, the next victim. "I've got to go. There's something to do. Hopefully I'm successful." She says, turning to leave the room.
"With what?" Martha asks.
"Spoilers."
——
"Dolly." Kathy greets her once she finds the woman.
"Kathy." Dolly greets back. "You go to bed now. Nearly finished with the cleaning then Will be getting his special treat tonight." Dolly does a wink.
"Maybe you should go to bed?" Kathy suggests. "Will has a long night of finishing the play and he might be too tired."
"He better not."
"Dolly please." Kathy pleads.
Dolly huffs irritably. "I know you worry for me Kathy but I can look after myself."
"Dolly..." Kathy pushes despite the growing irate coming from Dolly.
"Go to bed Kathy! I'm in charge, you're not." Dolly storms off towards Will's room.
Kathy doesn't know what to do except to wait. Before long she hears Dolly scream and bolts to the room.
——
She arrives to see Will slumped over. Dolly lies unmoving and Kathy quickly attempts to do CPR but soon realises it isn't doing anything. Will wakes with a start when the Doctor and Martha enter and stop to examine Dolly's body.
"Wha'? What was that?" Will slurs sleepily.
Kathy lets out a small sob. "I tried to save her."
"It's not your fault, Kathy." The Doctor says, putting a comforting hand on her back. Martha meanwhile runs to the window.
"Her heart gave out. She died of fright." The Doctor observes. "Kathy, what happened?"
"Lilith did this." Kathy tearfully replies. She really shouldn't have grown attached to this woman, knowing what was coming, but she couldn't help herself. It seems Kathy always seems to be hurting herself when it comes to this. "She's a witch. The one Martha is watching fly away."
"Doctor?" Martha calls. The Doctor and Kathy join her at the window.
"What did you see?" The Doctor asks.
"Just as Kathy said. A witch."
——
They gather in Will's room in the inn at dawn the next day. The Doctor and Martha sit at his desk while Kathy leans against the wall feeling guilty though she does feel glad that despite living over a thousand years of this life, she can still feel sorrow when someone dies.
"Oh, sweet Dolly Bailey." Will says as he looks out the window before turning to them. "She sat out three bouts of the plague in this place. We all ran like rats. But what could have scared her so? She had such enormous spirit." He sits.
"'Rage, rage against the dying of the light.'" The Doctor murmurs.
"I might use that." Will remarks.
Kathy huffs. "Not the time."
"You can't. It's someone else's." The Doctor dismisses the writer. But not for a couple more hundred years if Kathy remembers correctly.
"But the thing is, Lynley drowned on dry land, Dolly died of fright and they were both connected to you." Martha says contemplatively.
"You're accusing me?" Will asks, frowning.
"No," Martha denies, "but I saw a witch, big as you like, flying, cackling away, and you've written about witches." Kathy winces.
"I have? When was that?" Will asks, flabbergasted.
"Not, not quite yet." The Doctor tells her in a low voice.
"Peter Streete spoke of witches." Will murmurs.
"Who's Peter Streete?" Martha asks.
"The builder." Kathy explains, drawing their attention. "He sketched the plans to the Globe."
"The architect. Hold on." It begins to dawn on the Doctor. "The architect! The architect!" He slams his fist on the table and jumps up. "The Globe! Come on!" He rushes off, followed by Martha, Kathy and Will.
——
The Doctor is in the pit of the Globe while Martha, Kathy and Will are onstage. Kathy watches as he darts about, thinking it best to let him work things out naturally as much as she can. She still fears messing things up too much sometimes.
"The columns there, right? 14 sides." The Doctor contemplates, gazing around him. "I've always wondered but I never asked... tell me, Will, why 14 sides?"
"It was the shape Peter Streete thought best, that's all. Said it carried the sound well." Will shrugs as he answers.
"14. Why does that ring a bell? 14..."
"There are 14 lines in a sonnet." Martha points out.
"So there is. Good point. Words and shapes following the same design." The Doctor paces. "14 lines, 14 sides, 14 facets... Oh, my head. Tetradecagon... think, think, think! Words, letters, numbers, lines!" He hits himself on the top of his head.
"This is just a theatre." Will argues.
"The Globe is not just a theatre." Kathy argues. "It's a powerful place where the right words with the right emphasis at the right time could make people weep, or cry with joy, change them. You would have the ability to change people's minds just with words in this place. And if you exaggerate that..." She can see the dots connecting in the Doctor's mind.
"It's like the Doctor's police box. Small wooden box with all that power inside." Martha adds.
"Oh. Oh, Martha Jones, I like you." The Doctor remarks joyfully. "Tell you what, though. Peter Streete would know. Can I talk to him?"
"You won't get an answer. A month after finishing this place... lost his mind." Will explains solemnly.
"Why? What happened?" Martha asks.
"Started raving about witches, hearing voices, babbling. His mind was addled."
"Where is he now?" The Doctor asks.
"Bedlam." Kathy winces at his words.
"What's Bedlam?" Martha questions.
"Bethlem Hospital." Kathy answers her. "It's where those deemed mentally ill go." That's putting it lightly.
"We're gonna go there. Right now. Come on." The Doctor declares. He heads out. Martha and Kathy follow as does Will.
"Wait! I'm coming with you. I want to witness this at first hand!" Will calls. Two young actors enter that Kathy recognises but doesn't know their names. Will hands one the script. "Ralph, the last scene as promised. Copy it, hand it round. Learn it. Speak it. Back before curtain up. Remember, kid, project. Eyes and teeth. You never know; the Queen might turn up." He walks out.
Kathy looks back at him with a smirk. "As if. She never does."
Will points at her. "You know something."
Kathy shrugs, "Spoilers," and they hurry to catch up with the Doctor and Martha.
——
In the street, Will starts questioning Martha. "So, tell me of Freedonia, where women can be doctors, writers, actors."
"This country's ruled by a woman." Martha argues.
"Ah, she's royal. That's God's business. Though you are a royal beauty." Will flirts. Martha stops causing Will and Kathy, whose just behind them, to stop.
"Whoa, Nelly! I know for a fact you've got a wife in the country." Martha laughs.
"But Martha, this is Town."
The Doctor runs over to them, annoyed. "Come on! We can all have a good flirt later."
Will gives the Doctor a once over and smirks. "Is that a promise, Doctor?"
Kathy laughs. "Oh, brilliant Will." She pats him on the shoulder. "You've made some academics very happy."
The Doctor groans and rolls his eyes. "Come on!"
——
They enter Bedlam and are greeted by loud screams and moans sound. The Doctor, Kathy, Martha and Will are led through the halls. Kathy can't help but think it looks like an old-time dungeon.
"Does my lord, Doctor, wish some entertainment while he waits?" The Jailer offers. "I'd whip these madmen. They'll put on a good show for ya. Bandog and Bedlam!" Kathy flinches as a man reaches for her from his cell (what other word should she call it?), begging to be free.
"No, I don't!" The Doctor snaps, disgusted.
"Wait here, my lords, while I make him decent for the ladies." The Jailer walks away.
Martha turns on Will. "So, this is what you call a hospital, yeah? Where the patients are whipped to entertain the gentry? And you put your friend in here?"
"Oh, and it's all so different in Freedonia." Will mocks.
"But you're clever! Do you honestly think this place is any good?" Martha argues.
"I've been mad. I've lost my mind. Fear of this place set me right again. It serves its purpose." Will counters. Kathy can see him looking around the place, the look on his face is a mixture of appalled and fearful.
"Mad in what way?"
"You lost your son." Kathy says softly. She remembers losing her little Payton so many years ago. She looks at the sad look on the Doctor's face, recalling he knows the loss of your own children far too well.
"My only boy. The Black Death took him. I wasn't even there." Will confesses sombrely.
"I didn't know. I'm sorry." Martha apologises.
"It made me question everything. The futility of this fleeting existence. To be or not to be..." he continues before stopping. "Oh, that's quite good."
"You should write that down." The Doctor remarks.
"Hm, maybe not. A bit pretentious?" The Doctor shrugs at his words.
"Nothing wrong with that now and again." Kathy argues with a small smile. The whole place seems to be getting to her.
"This way, m'lord!" The Jailer calls. They walk down the hall to Peter Streete's cell. The Jailer unlocks the door. Peter is sitting on a bench in rags with his back to them. "They can be dangerous, m'lord. Don't know their own strength."
"I think it helps if you don't whip them! Now get out!" The Doctor snaps. The Jailer looks shocked at his words and leaves and the Doctor and Kathy approach Peter slowly. The Jailer closes and locks the cell. "Peter? Peter Streete?"
"He's the same as he was. You'll get nothing out of him." Will tells them.
"I beg to differ." Kathy says. She lays a hand on Peter's shoulder. "Peter?" Peter's head jerks up and he looks at the Doctor and Kathy with wild, glassy eyes and seems like he wants to speak.
The Doctor places his fingertips along Peter's face. "Peter, I'm the Doctor. Go into the past, one year ago. Let your mind go back, back to when everything was fine and shining. Everything that happened in this year since happened to somebody else. It was just a story. A winter's tale. Let go. Listen. That's it, just let go." He lies Peter down on his cot and stands with Kathy. "Tell me the story, Peter. Tell me about the witches."
"Witches... spoke to Peter. In the night, they whispered." Peter speaks. His body jerks and his hands come up to his gear as if to mimic the whispering. "Got Peter to build the Globe to their design. Their design! The 14 walls, always 14. When the work was done... they," he laughs manically, "they sapped poor Peter's wits."
"Where did Peter see the witches? Where in the city?" The Doctor prompts. Peter struggles to respond, panting heavily, his mind slipping. He crouches beside Peter. "Peter, tell me. You've got to tell me where were they?"
"All Hallows Street."
"Too many words." Hisses one of the witches that appears next to the Doctor. Kathy leaps in surprise though she knew the creature was going to appear. She follows the Doctor as he goes to stand beside Martha.
"What the hell?" Martha exclaims in shock.
"Just one touch of the heart." The creature holds up her pointer finger.
"Noooo!!" Kathy leaps forward to stop her but the creature is too quick and lays a hand on Peter's chest.
"Ahhhhh!" Peter cries as he dies. Kathy feels tears pricking her eyes, the consolation is that Peter will no longer be tormented by the cruel world.
"Witch! I'm seeing a witch!" Will cries in disbelief. Kathy almost finds it funny that this is probably what is going to inspire him to write Macbeth.
"Who would be next, hmm? Just one touch." The witch mockingly jests. "Oh, oh, I'll stop your frantic hearts. Poor, fragile mortals."
Martha turns to shout at the door. "Let us out! Let us out!" Kathy stays calm as she knows they'll be fine.
"That's not gonna work." Kathy tells her. "The whole building's shouting that."
"Who will die first, hmm?" The witch asks.
"Well, if you're looking for volunteers." The Doctor offers. He walks towards the creature.
"No! Don't!" Martha exclaims.
"Doctor, can you stop her?" Will questions fearfully.
"No mortal has power over me." The witch says smugly.
"Oh, but there's a power in words." Kathy argues. Her expression drops. "If he can find the right one, if he can just know you..." She herself doesn't name her as she wants the Doctor to work it out himself.
"None on Earth has knowledge of us." The creature, the Carrionite, protests.
"Then it's a good thing I'm here." The Doctor remarks. "Now think, think, think... Humanoid female, uses shapes and words to channel energy... ah, 14! That's it! 14! The 14 stars of the Rexel planetary configuration! Creature, I name you Carrionite!" The Carrionite wails and disappears.
"What did you do?" Martha asks.
"I named her. The power of a name. That's old magic." The Doctor answers.
"But there's no such thing as magic."
"Well, it's just a different sort of science. You lot, you chose mathematics. Given the right string of numbers, the right equation, you can split the atom. Carrionites use words instead." The Doctor explains.
"Use them for what?" Will asks.
"The end of the world." Kathy states. Will and Martha look at her wide eyed.
——
They retreat back to the Elephant Inn. Will begins cleaning himself in a bowl as the Doctor talks.
"The Carrionites disappeared way back at the dawn of the universe. Nobody was sure if they were real or legend." The Time Lord paces.
"Well, I'm going for real." Will remarks as he pats down his face with a towel.
"But what do they want?" Martha questions, leaning against a cabinet.
"A new empire on Earth. A world of bones and blood and witchcraft." Kathy answers.
"But how?"
"I'm looking at the man with the words." The Doctor looks pointedly at Will.
"Me? But I've done nothing." Will argues looking bewildered at the accusation.
"Hold on, though." Martha says thoughtfully. "What were you doing last night, when that Carrionite was in the room?"
"Finishing the play."
Kathy raises an eyebrow. "What happens on the last page?"
Will shrugs. "The boys get the girls. They have a bit of a dance. It's all as funny and thought provoking as usual," he frowns, "except those last few lines. Funny thing is... I don't actually remember writing them."
"That's it. They used you." The Doctor realises. "They gave you the final words. Like a spell, like a code. "Love's Labours Won", it's a weapon! The right combination of words, spoken at the right place with the shape of the Globe as an energy converter! The play's the thing! And yes, you can have that." Will smirks.
A map is pulled out and the Doctor looks at it. "All Hallows Street. There it is. Martha, Kathy, we'll track them down." They nod. Kathy knows she'll be no help going with Will. "Will, you get to the Globe. Whatever you do, stop that play!"
"I'll do it." Will shakes the Doctor's hand. "All these years I've been the cleverest man around. Next to you, I know nothing."
"Oh, don't complain." Martha remarks.
"I'm not. It's marvellous. Good luck, Doctor."
"Good luck, Shakespeare." The Doctor heads for the door with Kathy and Martha behind him. "Once more unto the breach!"
"I like that." Will compliments before realising, "Wait a minute... that's one of mine."
Kathy pokes her head around the door. "Oh, just shift!"
——
"All Hallows Street, but which house?" The Doctor murmurs as they wander down the street. Kathy struggles to remember which house it is as they all look the same.
"The thing is, though... am I missing something here? The world didn't end in 1599. It just didn't. Look at me, I'm living proof." Martha argues.
"That's not how it works Martha." Kathy protests. "Not everything stays the same. Like the film "Back to the Future" where Marty McFly goes back and changes history meaning he starts fading away."
Martha's eyes widen when it dawns on her. "Oh my God, am I gonna fade?"
"You and the entire future of the human race. It ends right now in 1599 if we don't stop it." The Doctor declares. "But which house?" The door to Lilith's house slowly opens. "Ah, make that witch house."
They walk inside to where Lilith is waiting. The place is filled with chains, whips and other decorations from a horror film. Lilith stands at the end of the room smirking maliciously at them.
"I take it we're expected." The Doctor remarks.
"Oh, I think Death has been waiting for you a very long time." Lilith calmly replies.
"Right then, it's my turn." Martha steps forward. "I know how to do this." She points. "I name thee, Carrionite!" Lilith is unaffected and chuckles. Martha frowns in confusion. "What did I do wrong? Was it the finger?"
"The power of a name works only once. Observe." Lilith points at Martha. "I gaze upon this bag of bones and now I name thee Martha Jones." Martha collapses and Kathy lowers her to the ground.
"What have you done?" The Doctor cries kneeling down next to them.
Lilith looks mildly annoyed. "Only sleeping, alas. Curious, the name has less impact. She's somehow out of her time. And as for you, Sir Doctor!" She points, expecting a reaction but nothing happens. "Fascinating. There is no name. Why would a man hide his title in such despair? Oh, but look. There's still one word with the power that aches."
"The naming won't work on me." The Doctor snaps.
"But your heart grows cold." Lilith continues, pleased she's caught him. "The north wind blows and carries down the distant... Rose."
The Doctor stands. "Oh, big mistake 'cos that name keeps me fighting! The Carrionites vanished! Where did you go?" He demands to know.
Lilith huffs. "The Eternals found the right word to banish us into deep darkness."
Lilith and the Doctor begin a back and forth of how they escaped and what the Carrionites' plans are. The Carrionite boasts about how their species will return. Kathy stays by Martha, watching over her.
"Hmm... busy schedule... but first you gotta get past me." The Doctor now stands face-to-face with Lilith.
"Oh, that should be a pleasure considering my enemy has such a handsome shape." Lilith runs her fingers along his face seductively.
"Now, that's one form of magic that's definitely not gonna work on me." The Doctor retorts.
"Oh, we'll see." She yanks a lock of hair from his head and backs away. Kathy worries that if she tries to stop the Carrionites' current actions, she might do much worse.
The Doctor fingers his head. "What did you do?"
"Souvenir."
"Well, give it back!" Lilith throws up her arms and the window behind her opens and she flies out backwards, levitating outside. The Doctor runs to the windowsill. "Well, that's just cheating."
Lilith practically cackles. "Behold, Doctor. Men to Carrionites are nothing but puppets." She pulls out a doll and wraps his hair about it. Kathy sees Martha waking slowly.
"Wha—"
"Ssh." Kathy quietly murmurs. "Not yet." Once Lilith leaves, they can help the Doctor and save the earth.
"What use is your science now?" Kathy hears Lilith says as she stabs the doll. The Doctor lets out a cry and falls to the floor as Lilith cackles and flies away.
Kathy and Martha rush to the Doctor.
"Oh my God! Doctor! Don't worry, I've got you." Martha rolls him onto his back
"Martha, he's fine." Kathy tells her. "Two hearts remember?"
"Right." Martha sighs. "Come on mister."
"You're making a habit of this." The Doctor murmurs, he quickly stands and nearly falls. "Aahh!" He cries. Kathy and Martha support him. "I've only got one heart working. How do you people cope?"
"I used to cope just fine." Kathy retorts.
"I've got to get the other one started. Hit me! Hit me on the chest!" The Doctor orders. Martha hits him. "Aahh! Other side!" Kathy hits him this time. "On the back! On the back!" Martha does so. "Left a bit!" Kathy does it. "Ahh, lovely." The Doctor stands. "There we go! Ba-da-boom! Well, what are you standing there for? Come one! The Globe!" He rushes out followed by Martha and Kathy.
They run out through the streets but the Doctor begins running in the wrong direction. Kathy stops once she realises while Martha continues to follow.
"We're going the wrong way!" Martha yells.
"No, we're not! Running down a different street." The Doctor argues. Kathy stands and waits for him to realise.
"We're going the wrong way!" They run back the way they came, past Kathy. "Come on Kathy!"
Kathy rolls her eyes and follows.
They all hear screaming and see a red glow of energy pouring from the Globe. The play had already done its part. People on the street run around screaming while a preacher cries, "I told thee so! I told thee!" Thunderclouds and lightning form over the Globe mixing with the red glow as the three run into the theatre to stop the chaos.
——
They enter the theatre through the back door to find Will sitting on the ground, holding his head.
"Stop the play! I think that was it. Yeah, I said, "Stop the play"!" The Doctor yells at him.
"I hit my head." Will groans.
The Doctor rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "Yeah, don't rub it, you'll go bald." He remarks. Screams can be heard from out front. "I think that's my cue!" He runs out with Kathy. Martha grabs Will's hand and they follow.
"Now begins the millennium of blood!" The Carrionites cackle as Kathy and the Doctor run onstage with Martha and Will behind them. Kathy winces at the force of the wind. Lilith holds up the crystal orb.
"The Doctor! He lives! Then watch this world become a blasted heath! They come! They come!" Lilith cries. The remaining Carrionites freed from the crystal fly about the Globe.
The Doctor grabs Will. "Come on, Will! History needs you!"
"But what can I do?" Will asks, bewildered.
"Reverse it!" Kathy yells. "You need to say the right words and the Globe will give it power!"
"But what words? I have none ready!" Will protests.
"You're William Shakespeare!" The Doctor reasons, swatting his arm.
"But these Carrionite phrases, the need such precision!"
"You can do this Will. Trust yourself." Kathy cries. "When you're locked away in your room, the words just come, don't they? Like magic. Words that last forever!"
"That's what you do, Will! You choose perfect words. Do it. Improvise!" The Doctor persuades.
Will takes a moment to compose himself as he turns to the flying Carrionites. "Close up this den of hateful, dire decay! Decomposition of your witches' plot! You thieve my brains, consider me your toy. My doting Doctor tells me I am not!"
"No! Words of power!" Lilith wails.
"Foul Carrionite spectres, cease your show! Between the points..." Will looks to the Doctor.
"7-6-1-3-9-0!" The Doctor replies loudly so as to be heard over the screeches.
"7-6-1-3-9-0! And banished like a tinker's cuss, I say to thee..." Again, looks to the Doctor who is at a loss. Kathy decides not to say anything, to let Martha have her moment.
"Expelliarmus!" Martha cries.
"Expelliarmus!" The Doctor reiterates.
"Expelliarmus!" Will finishes. The Carrionites scream in anguish.
"The deep darkness! They are consumed! Ahhh!" Lilith cries. The wraith-like Carrionites get sucked up into the cloud, tornado fashion, as do all copies of the play.
"'Love's Labours Won'. There it goes." The Doctor says as the papers fly past them. The cloud dissipates and the audience sighs in relief and then begins applauding. The Doctor ducks out as the actors take their bows.
"They think it was all special effects." Martha says in disbelief.
"Your effect is special indeed." Will flirts. Martha pulls a face.
Kathy fakes being sick. "Awful Will."
Martha laughs. Kathy joins Martha and Will as they take their bows as well.
——
The next morning, the Doctor and Kathy emerge from backstage. Kathy is wearing a ruffed collar and the Doctor takes off a hat while carrying an animal skull. Martha and Shakespeare are sitting at the edge of the stage.
"Good props store back there! I'm not sure about this though." The Doctor looks at the skull. "Reminds me of a Sycorax." Kathy opens her mouth to ask. "No." She pouts, worth a try.
"Sycorax. Nice word. I'll have that off you as well." Will murmurs.
"I should be on 10%. How's your head?" The Doctor asks, putting down the skull.
"Still aching." Will replies.
"Here, I got you this." The Doctor removes the collar from Kathy's neck and puts it on Will's. "Neck brace. Wear that for a few days till it's better, although you might wanna keep it. It suits you."
"What about the play?" Martha questions.
"Gone," Kathy answers her. "We looked all over, every single copy of "Love's Labours' Won" went up in the sky."
"My lost masterpiece." Will says sombrely.
"You could write it up again." Martha suggests.
"Yeah, better not, Will." The Doctor quickly says. "There's still power in those words. Maybe it should best stay forgotten." That and how history says it's a lost play.
"Oh, but I've got new ideas." Will dismisses. "Perhaps it's time I wrote about fathers and sons. In memory of my boy, my precious Hamnet."
Martha's expression morphs into one of confusion. "Hamnet?"
"That's him."
"Ham-net?"
"What's wrong with that?" Will asks.
"Anyway," the Doctor quickly interrupts, "time we were off. I've got a nice attic in the TARDIS where this lot," he holds the crystal carrying the Carrionites, "can scream for all eternity and I've gotta take Martha back to Freedonia."
"You mean travel on through time and space." Will corrects with a knowing smirk. The Doctor and Martha look stunned while Kathy simply smiles at Will.
"You what?" The Time Lord looks at the Bard in disbelief.
"You're from another world like the Carrionites and Martha is from the future. And Kathy is older and more widely travelled than she appears like she's from a different world. It's not hard to work out." Will concludes.
The Doctor is flabbergasted. "That's... incredible. You are incredible."
"We're alike in many ways, Doctor." Will says to him before turning to Martha. "Martha, let me say goodbye to you in a new verse. A sonnet for my Dark Lady. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate..."
Kempe runs in, interrupting the moment, which Kathy is relieved with. "Will! Will! You'll never believe it! She's here! She's turned up!"
"We're the talk of the town. She heard about last night! She wants us to perform it again." Dick adds. Kathy knows who and slips a quick and amused glance in the Doctor's direction.
"Who?" Martha asks.
"Her Majesty! She's here!" Dick explains. As soon as he finishes, fanfare sounds as Elizabeth I enters with some guards.
"Queen Elizabeth I!" The Doctor exclaims excitedly.
Elizabeth, however, is not pleased as she glares at him and growls, "Doctor!"
The Doctor looks at her in a dumb daze, his smile vanishing. "What?"
"My sworn enemy!" Elizabeth continues.
"What?"
"Off with his head!" The Queen cries.
"What?!"
"Never mind "what", just run! See you, Will, Kathy! And thanks!" Martha and the Doctor run off the stage with guards following.
"Stop that pernicious Doctor!" Elizabeth exclaims while Kathy and Will laugh.
"Hello, Your Majesty." Kathy greets with a grin.
Elizabeth takes her in and looks shocked. "Katherine." Kathy can't blame her as she looks the same after 30 years though the Queen already knows all about aliens so she shouldn't be too shocked.
Kathy gestures to Will. "May I introduce Mr William Shakespeare."
Will bows before turning to Kathy. "Should I be surprised that you know Her Majesty?"
"No." Kathy grins.
——
A/N: Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.
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funky
although there have been a lot of good moments this past month, i overall was in a funk. in hindsight, i was really disappointed with how the job search was going and a lot of my expectations going out the window. our plan of moving back in winter (aka now) looks more like summer of next year or later. i was in LA for three weeks and matt and i were semi-long distance. i felt really sad that after all these years of hard work, we were where we started: me in my parents house, him in a tiny apartment in NYC, and the future uncertain. i felt like we had nothing to show for all the years of sacrifice and it is embarrassing. also, being at home feels different recently. like there is some silent disappointment that we haven't moved back home yet and it keeps getting delayed (could be me projecting).
my ginger/headspace app from kaiser finally reactivated during a good time. i had a couple texting sessions with life coaches which were helpful. the main takeaway from this is that i became so tunnel-visioned on something that is essentially out of my control, and basically forgot to nurture all the things that are in my control. i felt like i had job search depression by extension. reading about how others were struggling to find a good job (and remembering that my own brother was unemployed for 8 months) helped me feel less alone. i am planning on doing therapy starting december since it is covered by kaiser when i'm in CA.
finally, i cried at least 6+ times in the last two weeks instead of holding it all in. i usually only cry a couple of times a year max. it felt very releasing, and i reminded myself it's okay to not be okay.
positive things
my cousin stephanie came to visit from TX and she slept over at my parent's house for 3 nights. it was so nice to get to know her a little bit more. i never felt close to her because she grew up a lot more americanized and i am naturally closed off, but there's also many commonalities by just being related. she and matt connected because they're both in healthcare. she joined us for hot yoga one day and was quite good
one of the days, my niece had a 102 fever. luckily, there were two healthcare professionals in the room. i went along with matt (MD) and stephanie (PA) to CVS to pick up an ear thermometer since we didn't have one at home
attended S&A's wedding. it was an intimate setting and the bride was gorgeous ;) got to finally meet the groom A and see J&O again after 3+ years. we really liked the succulents and food.
had a craft's day with G at her parent's house in east LA while watching twin flames and no hard feelings. we made felt ornaments that i later gave to my niece
went on a hike and ate dinner with matt's family at ho kee cafe.
got hai di lao and matcha with stephanie at westfiled santa anita. i gifted her my old coffee grinder, but my clumsy self broke the glass container at the last minute :/
had dinner at my aunt's house for veterans day. i got to see my baby cousin E who is taller now! i picked up cousin B from color guard practice. it was inspiring to see how hard these teenagers were working
as part of the long distance lifestyle, matt and i met up in norcal to celebrate his birthday. we stayed at alila ventana big sur and carmel valley ranch. alila, though beautiful, was TOO indulgent for me lol. due to it being all inclusive, we basically planned our days around eating at the same restaurant and i just felt meh and stuck. i much preferred our carmel valley ranch stay, where we were more active and got to explore the town
funny side note, we took a class called balance and fit at CVR and it turns out everyone in the class was at least 80 years old. the instructor was nice enough not to treat us differently haha
did a corepower sculpt class in redwood city before flying a red eye back to NYC
matt has an interview with USC next week. a few other places have responded: kaiser, UCLA, memorialcare and cedars. fingers crossed (but keeping expectations low)
i started watching abbott elementary and really enjoyed it. recently enjoyed the movie a million miles away. i also started playing chess on chess.com. this is me learning how to nurture other parts in my life i've been neglecting. i am literally learning resilience by playing chess. i have a tendency of not wanting to lose/fail, and rather give up than learning how to do better. but, here i am losing and continuing to try lol
thanksgiving: matt is on a hard rotation and it is his birthday on thanksgiving day. R&T mentioned hanging out but we haven't finalized plans yet. i have plans with T to watch marvels on friday.
black friday wishlist: manduka yoga mats, yogitoes yoga towels, breville bambino plus espresso machine to keep at my parent's house, fellow opus grinder (already purchased) and maybe a new kindle cover
note: life is much more enjoyable when i don't try and control everything. appreciate the here and now, because i might miss it once it's gone. having such rigid expectations will always leave me feeling disappointed. enjoy the journey as it is 70-80% of the process.
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A new beginning
Chapter 13
<-previously : next->
During the sleepover, Falco had confined them to what happened after they both left. The fight they had, the confession, and how he ended their relationship all together Eren hit the back of his head at that and told him he shouldn't have done that for him.
Falco knew he loved Gabi and didn't think he could move on yet. As a broken heart needs time to heal, he couldn't just watch her as she insulted his friend and do nothing. He was glad they spent the night at Eren's, as he didn't want to be questioned by his brother on why he looked so gloomy and sad. It already hurt enough; he didn't need the constant reminder.
Eren and Annie offered him comfort. They helped him get Gabi off his mind. They shared secrets and gossiped like the girls in their class about everything and anything. They ended up staying up most of the night until Zeke came in and ordered them to go to bed. When he left, all three of them erupted into giggles. He was really grateful for having friends like them. It was really a night he would never forget for years to come. He enjoyed it and hoped they got to do another sleepover sometime soon, but this time with planning.
At school, they both avoided each other like the plague. Eren had told him several times over the past few weeks to go over her desk and apologise, but he knew how to be stubborn. Being friends with stubborn people taught him how to be one. Even Zofia and Udo had come up to him and asked him about what happened between the two, but he shrugged them off with a nothing. He won't tell them if Gabi hadn't.
Weeks have passed, and they still haven't spoken a word to each other. Falco found himself enjoying the peace he got while also not having to worry about Eren and Gabi fighting each other every other day like they used to. Even during self-defence classes, they never spar against each other anymore. They avoided each other to the point that even his brother pointed out that Gabi hadn't been visiting or coming over at all when he brought Eren and Annie over sometimes.
Since then, he has avoided even talking about her with anyone other than Eren or Annie. They are currently having their lunch, and Annie was telling them about the fight she had with her father, to the point where he won't be able to walk without a crutch to help him. Eren told her that this man had it coming with the way he treats her, and Falco couldn't help but watch them as they conversed. He wasn't in the mood to talk, but hearing his friends talk was enough to get things off his mind.
The school day ended in a blur. Falco was going to walk home with Eren today as his brother wouldn't be able to walk with him, which was alright as he would only end up asking about Gabi. He greeted Mrs. Yeager along with Armin and Mikasa and was going to walk beside Eren and Annie ahead.
"Falco!" A yell that made him freeze in his spot. Eren and Annie faced him with a smirk on their lips, and he never wanted to punch them more than now.
"Yes?" He said it politely. It was the best course of action right now. To be polite and show distance in their conversations.
"I'm sorry!" She yelled the apology while bowing. He was taken back by the next words. "You were right; I shouldn't have insulted Eren and called him a devil."
He could hear from behind him Armin and Mrs. Yeager stopping Mikasa from coming here and pouncing on Gabi. He was glad they did so, as he wanted to know where the conversation was going. Maybe distance has helped her see her mistake.
"You too are special to me. I don't know if it's love, but what I do know for sure is that I can't pass another day with you mad at me."
"But Gabi, I'm not the one you should be apologising for."
He could hear Eren groan from beside him and Annie sigh with exasperation. He smiled at his friends antiques.
"Eren! I would also like to apologise to you. You made me realise my mistake and how I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover! And therefore, I apologise for the words I've said that night; they were inappropriate and not necessary. "
She bowed once more, but this time to Eren. Falco snickered when the brunette froze when she bowed to him, and he could see the wheels turning in his head. It was a sight Falco would never forget and would tease the brunette about it for years to come.
Eren forgave her, but not before giving her an earful. He kept telling us to be nice to others, no matter their race, gender, or origin. At the end of the day, they were all humans who wanted to live their lives to the fullest.
Even after everything, he and Gabi hadn't sat down and had a talk. There was still distance between the two of them. Falco doesn't know why, but he feels this type of awkwardness around her every time they sit together.
Eren has told him several times to just talk it out with her and get over it because it's painful for him and Annie to watch, but he would like to keep Gabi at arm's length. So he could keep her on her toes, and she could lose him at any second if he was provoked.
He doesn't care what Gabi might think or feel at the moment. He learned that he needed to grow a backbone after what happened. Because if he and Gabi ever became friends like before or even more than friends, she would need to know that she couldn't insult his friends and family.
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Hopefully the kid has a great career, I'd hate if he became "one hit wonder" like many young stars before. Man City who??? Idk I'm not seeing anything, my eyes are closed. Arsenal first <333 cristiano can't go back to ManU so he's choosing the next closest thing, ManCity??? 😭
Ahhh yes me and my friends figured it must be Torres and taste! I used to be a huge El Nino fan. Btw random, I had no idea David Villa works in an Indian club?! Also I joined tumblr (don't ask me how many years ago...) because of the Spanish NT and the first user I followed was actually a Barca fan lmao. Dark times
Noooo I'm probably not attending Lolla in Paris 🔫 I want to, since Skz are headlining, but it still won't be a full concert and I don't care for any other artist in the line up. Btw I'm travelling to SK next week, ngl I'm not that thrilled, but hopefully once I'm there it'll be worth it. I have so many vegan spots to visit in Seoul! Maybe I'll be too distracted to feel petty and sad about the Euro tour
The enemies to lovers prompt has so much potential AAAAAAAAAAAA a slow burn me thinks, a slow and painful one! I really need to read it 😭
I don't think any of the royals are particularly normal jjshshahshagaha maybe Beatrice and Eugenie, they're just kinda there? We know who's the worse tho, Andr*w that old fuckhead. Camilla and Charles don't have good reputation and we all also know why. Guess they can be funny sometimes, but I wish they had sense of morality instead of sense of humour 💀
That Hannah Montana doll, I need to see it 😭 Baek but have you seen The O.C, Skins, 90210 (not the OG one even though it slayed, but I watched the spin off and it was insane)
Not ANOTHER After movie oh god, this and the Hoover movie, we're doomed :/
Literally can't remember anything from that Nascar cartoon, but I watched the shit out of it for a while???
I have that webtoon you mentioned saved actually. Also I noticed a webtoon I started on Kakaopage has made it into ENG webtoon, it's called Complicated Cohabitation. I only started it, because nuna content <3
You wanna steal Soohyuk from me??? Well that's ok, I'm on my way to propose to Hwa. Also the football rings hold ooooon wjdjwjsjjshahash. I actually bought some jewellery from this website before, but I just noticed all the funny rings
I try to be respectful towards religious people, but sometimes it's hard ajsgahshshajaj rip, they can't enjoy Lucifer nor Changmin's Devil, SNSD's Run Devil Run or You Better Run 😬 actually I saw a post on Reddit asking whether Halazia has religious themes, because OP couldn't listen to it if they used religious symbolism. Also pretty sure TXT always had angelic and devilish theme going on (btw that song is my fave off their album - me liking every song that has villain or devil in it)
Uhhhh bestie do you remember this video 😭🤧❤ (but the camera mostly filming his lips, neck and hands drives me INSANEEEE 😳😳😳😳)
Gonna start Nayeon x Hongjoong dating rumours jdjsjsjsbshsh. And You're right Atz and Dox served CEOs at the wedding
???? and hmmm
Okay rich...... do NOT remind me are you insane Park Seonghwa?! But he's cruel and vile
Omfg I haven't been on twt that much, I totally missed two new Seonghwa fansites and they have some gold content like this 😭 and this and oh wow god it's me..... - I need to arrange flowers for him, make him a big ass bouquet 💐💐💐💐
Okay that's enough of Hwa spam :3 - DV 💖
hello!!
Hopefully the kid has a great career, I'd hate if he became "one hit wonder" like many young stars before. Man City who??? Idk I'm not seeing anything, my eyes are closed. Arsenal first <333 cristiano can't go back to ManU so he's choosing the next closest thing, ManCity??? 😭
it’s really sad seeing new comers come up and be compared and being called the “the next messi, the next ronaldo!” and yet they disappear after a year or something,,, MAN CITY BLUE !!!!!! they’re still 5 points behind but u best believe they are on their way, and 3 el classico’s????? + barca women coming for another win?? also 😭😭 idk if this is someone who had a fan account but it seems a little real take ur barca hate away HES A KPOPPER cr7 he needs to get back to rm, forget man city bro will ruin it 😭😭
😭😭 is this not true atp this has to be intentional is chelsea doing, 3 TIMES???? barca having to go to court to register a member and suing la liga WHILE CHELSEA SPENT €500MIL ON SIGNINGS???? INSANITY
Ahhh yes me and my friends figured it must be Torres and taste! I used to be a huge El Nino fan. Btw random, I had no idea David Villa works in an Indian club?! Also I joined tumblr (don't ask me how many years ago...) because of the Spanish NT and the first user I followed was actually a Barca fan lmao. Dark times
EXACTLY TASTE!!! he’s actually a goal scoring machine, so insanely talented,,, I THINK HES UNDER SOME ODISHA CLUB that was very surprising 😭😭 want to see him play in euro again,,, rmr how iniesta went to japan’s fc bc he didn’t want to ever face barca if he wasn’t playing in it 😭😭 LMFAOOO DARK TIMES AND BERE U ARE CONVERSING W A BARCA FAN ☺️☺️
Noooo I'm probably not attending Lolla in Paris 🔫 I want to, since Skz are headlining, but it still won't be a full concert and I don't care for any other artist in the line up. Btw I'm travelling to SK next week, ngl I'm not that thrilled, but hopefully once I'm there it'll be worth it. I have so many vegan spots to visit in Seoul! Maybe I'll be too distracted to feel petty and sad about the Euro tour
NOOOOOOO there’s so much happening in paris this time around 😭😭😭 right you are!!! omg it’s also come back season ur gonna see so much again! baekhyun comes back 😭😭 i saw this one video on a vegan cafe in itaewon called plant cafe & kitchen and the food looked so good! here’s also some restaurants to check out if ur going jeju! i hope u have a fun and safe time there!! I THINK YOU WILL BE DISTRACTED IF U STAY AWAY FROM TWT 🔫🔫
The enemies to lovers prompt has so much potential AAAAAAAAAAAA a slow burn me thinks, a slow and painful one! I really need to read it 😭 //// I don't think any of the royals are particularly normal jjshshahshagaha maybe Beatrice and Eugenie, they're just kinda there? We know who's the worse tho, Andr*w that old fuckhead. Camilla and Charles don't have good reputation and we all also know why. Guess they can be funny sometimes, but I wish they had sense of morality instead of sense of humour 💀
plots like those are truly the bane of my existence, can go into so many routes, rivals? mafia enemies? sworn since birth enemies? EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING,,, right eugenie and beatrice! they’re yeah just there 😭😭 i also like princess anne, she has a witty personality irl it seems and the crown version was just hilarious fbwnbdsjckc the tampongate is never escaping charles ever 😭😭😭 NO UR RIGHT FBFB i think those who aren’t the direct heirs families tend to be unhinged, the one who are the siblings tend to be more lowkey
That Hannah Montana doll, I need to see it 😭 Baek but have you seen The O.C, Skins, 90210 (not the OG one even though it slayed, but I watched the spin off and it was insane) //// Not ANOTHER After movie oh god, this and the Hoover movie, we're doomed :/
IT WAS THIS FBWKFHWKCJC THO MINE HAS HER ONE FEET CUT OFF 😭😭😭 THE SONG IS DIFF! do u rmr the bratz dolls and the strawberry shortcake ones 😭😭😭 IVE, IVE SEEN THE O.C AND LOVED IT DESPITE THE CONFUSION I GOT UNFORTUNATELY NOT THE OTHER TWO, are they quite similar?? ANOTHER MOVIE YEAH 😭😭😭 at least we have a redemption coming in ??? freaky friday revamp?? desperately need blake to leave that movie 😭😭
Literally can't remember anything from that Nascar cartoon, but I watched the shit out of it for a while??? //// I have that webtoon you mentioned saved actually. Also I noticed a webtoon I started on Kakaopage has made it into ENG webtoon, it's called Complicated Cohabitation. I only started it, because nuna content <3
it does look quite interesting to watch fhwjdhen the characters are <33 U DO?? ITS SO GOOD LIKE AN UNHINGED VERSION OF ONE SIDED ENEMIES TO LOVERS 😭😭 NOONA ROMANCE??? SIGN ME UP !!!!! the younger mc trope is so >>>>
You wanna steal Soohyuk from me??? Well that's ok, I'm on my way to propose to Hwa. Also the football rings hold ooooon wjdjwjsjjshahash. I actually bought some jewellery from this website before, but I just noticed all the funny rings
JFVWKFJWKCJCK GET BACK HERE HELLO TASIR IS WAITING!! TASIR. WAITS. omg those are so interesting to look at, THE DRAGON STOP IT SOMEONE NEEDS TO GIVE IT TO HIM 😭😭 do u think they have a anklet that has the golden boot charm bc that would be something ppl would buy fbwnd the world cup looking necklace 😭😭 maybe we should mail it to ronaldo <3 i know this is a parody acc but i just know he did something like this
I try to be respectful towards religious people, but sometimes it's hard ajsgahshshajaj rip, they can't enjoy Lucifer nor Changmin's Devil, SNSD's Run Devil Run or You Better Run 😬 actually I saw a post on Reddit asking whether Halazia has religious themes, because OP couldn't listen to it if they used religious symbolism. Also pretty sure TXT always had angelic and devilish theme going on (btw that song is my fave off their album - me liking every song that has villain or devil in it)
NO SRS i also think it’s like selective for many people, if a group they like do it it’s amazing and even praise it! but if one doesn’t it’s devil worshipping 😭😭😭 NO LITERALLY HOW WOULD THEY SURVE THE F(X) RED LIGHT ERA 😭😭 ayo ngl i expected halazia to have a pentagram or some rituals and a hook like zimzalabim 😭😭😭 yeah! they always seems to have that theme, very garden of eden x edgy australian band vibes <3 u know they should cover imagine dragons i think that music suits them well! like bad liar esp! THAT SONG IS SO GOOD UR RIGHT BUT TINNITUS??? 🤲🏻🤲🏻 they have the funniest titles 😭😭😭 what the heck 😭😭 lionel mbappe
Uhhhh bestie do you remember this video 😭🤧❤ (but the camera mostly filming his lips, neck and hands drives me INSANEEEE 😳😳😳😳) //// Gonna start Nayeon x Hongjoong dating rumours jdjsjsjsbshsh. And You're right Atz and Dox served CEOs at the wedding
I DO AND WHY WOULD U REMIND ME OF IT WHTMWHDKW THE ZOOM IN ON THE HANDS !!!! GRRRRRRRRRR nayeon x hongjoong giving ✨ ceo romance ✨ the bright and cherry fl and the reserved always squinting ceo <3
???? and hmmm //// Okay rich...... do NOT remind me are you insane Park Seonghwa?! But he's cruel and vile //// Omfg I haven't been on twt that much, I totally missed two new Seonghwa fansites and they have some gold content like this 😭 and this and oh wow god it's me..... - I need to arrange flowers for him, make him a big ass bouquet 💐💐💐💐 /// Okay that's enough of Hwa spam :3 - DV 💖
san’s an ass guy,,, bro just be going into all the details 😭😭😭 do u ever just randomly, out of no where rmr the texture of the smoothness of his hand? no? it’s okay BECAUSE HE WILL REMIND YOU FBWNBDWNDJKS
oh i just screamed
he’s giving junior hwa tutor au but also steve jobs
what the hell
WHAT THE HECK im going to d word if he doesn’t put that inside
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Love in the brain of me
so this is my first post. I haven't really written anything in awhile, especially not something about me.
I want to vent about love when dealing with BPD. I feel like I have no one to talk about it with. I experience love in such an extreme way. my mood changes depending on if this person is responding. (I'm gonna call the person I currently like 'M') M struggles with depression so can sometimes be distant and its like my brain takes that as a personal attack. my brain immediately spirals into a 'he hates me' direction or that he found someone better than me. every second he doesn't respond another thought of how he's with someone or is playing me enters my mind. I think these insane things like how if he's with another girl id light his car on fire or dumb shit like that. rationally I know I can't do that and if he hurts me then he hurts me but god I will do anything and everything in my power to stop it and keep him. I think of him literally every second but not in a cute way. in an I'm obsessed and am getting more and more possessive by the day. I don't know how to stop it or like him in a normal way. I've cried because he hasn't responded and my brain has decided he will never speak to me again when in reality he's just relaxing after work. I read so far into every single message and reread them all the time. I cannot accept what's on the surface there has to be more there has to be some betrayal; at the same time thought my delusions run the show. my brain creates these hyper realistic daydreams about us and I just want it. I want to be trusting and kind and patient but god my fuse is so short. I really have tried to hide my insanity from him but god I feel like I'm holding my breath underwater. I feel so insecure all the time because we don't have a label and I just know he's talking to other girls and it just isn't fair. it isn't right that they get to talk to him. fuck it sends me into a rage everytime I think about another girl kissing him or talking to him or being called pretty by him. I literally threw up the other day thinking about another girl getting to touch him. I feel like if I'm this bad now I shouldn't enter any form of relationship but at the same time I don't want to live my life with this form of fear. I haven't seen him irl in two weeks bc of his depression making him peopled out and while I believe him I also don't. my brain immediately goes to he's lying he's lying he's lying. It thinks he's using this time to see other girls and that he can see how far off my hinges I am and won't tell me. he says he misses me a lot and does cute things but its so hard to believe that someone could possibly like me for being me. I feel so fucking annoying and clingy for telling him I miss him so much but id die for him. id do anything for him all he has to do is ask. it feels like my world is fucking falling apart when he's busy and like the apocalypse is around the corner when he doesn't compliment me. I also hate mirroring because my mirror seems to be zoomed in. if he's sad about something I'm devastated about it; if he's happy I'm over the fucking moon. I feel his emotions to an extreme. it kind of reminds me of that scene in midsommer where they cry with dani. god writing this out feels good but so shameful. I know how I think is unhealthy and I need to watch my behaviours. I have been doing well actually. I haven't freaked the fuck out on this one yet! I've remained patient and calm. at least in front of him I am. I have a journal filled with raging thoughts that I plan to burn. I also have had FaceTime calls with friends last entire nights of me freaking out and them trying to help me. I sometimes feel like I cannot live without feeling love. I think that's why I'm so willing to risk getting hurt again but I don't have a choice. my brain makes the choices but it doesn't consult me or anyone first. it just picks someone and says this person is now your person and you will feel such strong love and adoration for them until you don't. until you only feel hatred and spite and vengeful towards them or you feel nothing at all towards them. it feels good to write this all out.
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