Tumgik
#also the last several months of only thinking about
hanni-bae44 · 1 day
Text
Title: The Dare (Jeno)
Pairing- Jeno x fem!reader
Genre- american high school football au; angst, fluff (warnings: teenage drama, cursing, alcohol, kissing, a little suggestive if you squint, a fight scene)
Word Count- 12.9k
Summary- It was only supposed to be a dare for Jeno and the team. Although breaking your heart was part of the plan, falling in love with you was not. 
A/N- In hindsight, Jeno's dare is kind of dumb, but I love it lol. I also don't think I've ever rewritten a fic this much. Although I like this story, I’m sick of editing it so please excuse any mistakes if you see any and lmk :)
-
“Okay, everybody listen up,” Johnny hollered, as all the varsity players gathered in the locker rooms. He was the quarterback due to his determination and speed. He was fast on his feet, vigilant, accurate, and physically strong. He even got into varsity as a freshman and through his own hard work, he was able to get early D1 offers. As a result, he was also the one in charge of this two decade long tradition. “As always, it’s a new school year, everyone must master a task from this bucket of dares. Some might call it an annual initiation. Are you all up for it?”
Everyone cheered. 
The team had just finished practice and the coach had left, meaning they had the locker rooms to themselves. It had been several weeks back from summer and everyone was determined to make this their year. 
“Alright, let's wrap it up,” Johnny yelled, urging everyone to silence. “The rules are simple. Pull out a folded paper from this bucket of dares. Whatever it says, you must do, no exceptions. This is the principle in which all will follow. Everyone understood?”
They all roared.
Johnny went around one by one and made sure everyone had their note and read it to the whole team. He had a freshman from JV hold a clipboard and write down all of everyone’s dares. 
“Everyone got a task?” Johnny yelled one last time before he made his way to the front. He waited until everyone said yes then pulled out the last paper for himself.
“Alright, let's see what fate has in the cards for me,” Johnny showed the folded paper to his teammates first and they all groaned in disappointment since the captain had such an easy dare. 
“Great, I have to fill coach’s office with post-it notes.” Johnny rubbed at his temples. Coach was going to kill him. “Remember, you guys have until a week after our first game to complete this. I encourage all of you to be honest and keep your teammates on track. You will need at least one witness and a report of proof. You don’t want to know what happens if you are caught cheating . Alright, you all can go.”
Jeno stared blankly at his card when he left the locker rooms. Just how the heck was he supposed to break someone’s heart? 
“You alright, dude?” His teammate— Haechan— asked him.
“Yeah, I just don’t know how I’m going to break someone’s heart, let alone whose heart to break.”
Haechan started to look around and pointed towards a group of people who were coming out of the auditorium. “How about that girl holding the instrument case? I’ve known her since middle school and she’s smart. She tutors at the media center every year after school. Ask her to tutor you for something, she volunteers there every Tuesday and Thursday.”
“Who are you staring at dude?” Jaemin asked as he patted Jeno’s back, joining in on the conversation.
“Y/N. He’s considering her for the dare.” Haechan snickered. “These dares are getting more unhinged by the year.”
“Tell me about it,” Jaemin groaned, staring down at his own fate. “How the fuck am I supposed to fill the pool with food coloring? I’ll get a month of detention or something.” The boy rubbed at his temples.  
“Be thankful you don’t have to steal an item from the principal’s office. I’ll really get suspended for that shit.” Haechan said.
“You’ll be fine dude, just don’t get caught.” Jeno assured him. “It’s me that has the issue. Just how am I going to break her heart? It’s cruel to make her like me then break her heart, don’t you guys think?”
“You got soft dude?” Jaemin raised a brow. 
“Since when did you care about other people’s feelings?” Haechan asked. “Just ask her to tutor you. Make her fall for you then break her heart. We’ll be the witness, just tell us when you do so,” Haechan grinned and Jaemin agreed, encouraging Jeno to follow through with the dare.
Jeno thought over what his teammates said.
They were onto something. This tradition of dares was going to burn them one day but was it so evil? Heartbreak was normal was it not? This dare was just for fun among the guys. And Jeno was always down for a challenge. He wasn’t about to back down now. Not when this was his last year to prove to everyone that he was worthy of his position on the team. 
-
You were setting up the tutoring stations in the media center all by yourself again. The dismissal bell rang not too long ago but it seemed as if you were the only person that ever took this tutoring thing seriously. Everyone else just took their sweet time. And to make things worse, the copy machines weren’t working. You had just finished reporting the issue to the librarian when you turned around, nearly having a heart attack at the boy who seemingly appeared out of thin air.
Your hand flew to your chest to calm your racing heart while the boy grinned. “You scared me,” you grumbled. 
“A juice for you?” the boy offered with a brow raised, tossing his juice pouch in the air. 
You glanced down at his hand which held the apple juice in a bag the school gave out during breakfast. “You’re kidding me right? What? Had the juice been in your pocket all day or something? The trash can is over there.” You pointed out.
“You caught me,” the boy admitted with a smirk, shoving the juice back into his pocket. “So you tutor here often? What do you teach?” 
You took a better look at him and noticed how he sported a football jersey. Just great, probably another air-headed jock who needed help passing because they slacked off in class. You sighed. “The school year just began but I guess you could say I tutor often. I tutor algebra, geometry, calculus, anything math related.”
“Oh, so you like solving problems?” the boy asked as he followed you from desk to desk as you finished setting up the stations. 
“I guess you could say that.”
“Do you tutor world history?”
“Honestly if you need a tutor for something like world history, you just need to pay attention in class,” you deadpanned. “But if you really need help understanding, I think it’s Taeil who tutors in the history department. He hasn’t arrived yet but you could wait for him in the front. I’ll sign you in, come on.”
The boy followed you to the front desk. 
“What’s your name?” 
“Jeno.”
“Alright Jeno, you’re signed in. Tutoring starts in 5 minutes, you can wait here.”
“Wait. Can you tutor me for calculus instead?”
You raised a brow. “Don’t you need help understanding world history?”
“Nope. I’m good with history. I was just asking for a friend earlier,” Jeno insisted. His face had you doubtful but you didn’t care enough to press on it.
“Okay, you can just wait here then. I have to finish setting up.” 
“One problem, I’m on the football team and I have practice in a few minutes, could you tutor me after practice?”
You refrained from rolling your eyes. Just who did he think he was? “Look football guy, I have a life too, you know.”
“Of course, but could you just make an exception? I can also meet you during lunch hour. Or any time that fits your schedule. Please? I can’t fail calculus, you know it’s a graduation requirement.” He flashed a tender smile. One that was almost too desperate.
“What’s in it for me?” You folded your arms. It wouldn’t hurt to entertain him while you waited for tutoring to start. 
Jeno heaved a sigh before glancing around the media center to look for something, anything, to offer. His eyes must’ve scanned through a hundred things before they landed on your school bag near the desk with a Guitars for Dummies book sticking out.
“Are you learning guitar?” he prompted. 
You narrowed your eyes, staring back at him like he was a stalker. “Yeah… How did you know?” 
“The Guitar for Dummies book is sticking out of your bag,” Jeno pointed out. “I can teach you. I used to take classes as a kid and I’m still good at it now.”
“And what makes you think I can’t just get help from someone else?” 
“Aye, come on. Trust me, I’m good at guitar. We both need something from each other so let's make a deal. You tutor me in calculus and I teach you guitar. If I can’t keep my promise, I’ll give you money for lessons. Sounds good?”
You thought it over as you stared back at the desperate jock. “Fine,” you grumbled. “Meet me in the auditorium tomorrow during lunch. Get your food, then meet me there but don’t be so late.”
“Of course, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Jeno beamed before scurrying off to practice. 
-
The next day, the football guy was entering the auditorium right on the bell with his food tray in one hand.
At least he was punctual, you thought. 
“What’s up?” Jeno greeted, raising his hand to do a bro handshake. 
“What’s up yourself,” you sighed, ignoring his hand. “We have one hour for lunch, let's just get started.” 
“So why did you want to meet in the auditorium?” he asked as he got settled down. “Couldn’t we just do this in the cafeteria or the media center where there’s an actual desk?”
“The cafeteria is too loud while the media center requires a lunch pass which I’m assuming you don’t have. The librarian is strict on passes.”
“Do you go here everyday?”
“No. I’m usually in the media center. Now let’s begin, this small talk is cutting into your learning time. Show me your calculus notes and worksheets. Tell me what you understand and don’t. We’ll start from there.”
-
For the next week, you met Jeno everyday at lunch in the auditorium. Tutoring him turned out to be better than you expected. He was punctual and actually a pretty decent listener, catching onto the material faster than the usual jock would. You’d also get to know him a bit better and realize that he’s not the stuck up airhead you thought him out to be. 
 As for his end of the deal, you gave him your address so he could come over on the weekend to teach you guitar. He brought his little sister Minji along too but you didn't mind. You loved kids and you also had a little brother that she could play with. So while they played Minecraft together at the dining table, Jeno taught you guitar on the living room sofa. 
“So why are you learning guitar anyway?” Jeno asked, having just gotten back from giving Minji a snack. You were both in the living room and he had just finished teasing you for renting a Guitar for Dummies book too. 
“My dad used to love guitar but he died last year,” you started, “I was cleaning the basement a few weeks ago and found his guitar. I guess I just wanted to learn it as a way to be closer to him.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jeno didn’t know what else to say. All he could do was look at you and pray that you wouldn’t start crying. 
“It’s fine.” You sat up straight and held the guitar closer to your body. “So how do you play the E minor chord again? It keeps ringing out wrong.” 
“The guitar isn’t tuned.” Jeno grabbed the guitar from you and tuned it by ear. “You were holding the guitar wrong too.” He helped you position the guitar correctly. “Now for the E minor. Second finger on the second fret, fifth string. Third finger on the second fret, fourth string. Let’s get you used to strumming first. You don’t have any callouses yet so your fingertips will hurt.”
-
The sun was setting and you figured that was enough guitar for the day. Jeno had been monitoring you attentively as you switched between some easy chords and strumming. You barely got anywhere today and yet your fingertips began to hurt exactly like how Jeno said it would. Who knew playing such a beautiful instrument would be so painful? 
“It’s getting late but thanks for helping me.” You stood up and placed the guitar aside. 
“No problem. You weren’t that bad to teach.”
You rolled your eyes before walking to the kitchen to grab some fresh tomatoes and basil to make a sauce. “I’m gonna make my brother and I some pasta, do you and your sister want any?”
Jeno looked at the clock then nodded. It wasn’t like there was food at home anyway. “Yeah, sure.” He then walked to the kitchen to stand near his sister and glanced around. His eyes landed on the big instrument case you carried around the first time he saw you. And It was open. “So you play trumpet?” 
“Yup, I have both band class and marching band. Some games are coming up and I haven’t played since last school year so I’m a bit rusty.” 
He nodded.
While boiling the pasta, you made the sauce and occasionally glanced at the dining table where Jeno played Minecraft with Minji and Niki. You couldn’t help but admire how wholesome and cute the whole thing was. You’ve never really liked jocks but after getting to actually know him more, you realized that he wasn’t so bad. 
After dinner, Jeno offered to wash the dishes. “I’ll help you,” he had insisted and made his way towards you near the sink. His body was pressed against yours and his hand was on your waist to grab a nearby dishwashing glove. “You already cooked my sister and I dinner, it's the least I could do.” He smiled. 
“I guess that’s fair,” you said while looking at him. His gaze was so intense, it made you nervous. “I’ll just hang with Minji and Niki then.”
-
The next week was the same. You would tutor him during your lunch period, but only this time he would bring you a cookie from the cafeteria, insisting it was a thank you for helping him pass his first test.
“I don’t see how you even have energy when you always skip lunch,” Jeno said as he pulled out the retractable seats in the auditorium. He hands you a cookie again.
“I just ate a granola bar while waiting for you, but thanks.” You began to eat the cookie when you noticed his eyes roaming your face. “Is there chocolate on my face or something?”
“No. I was just thinking. Have you ever skipped class?” he randomly asked. 
“No. But I’m assuming you have?”
“You assume a lot of things about me,” Jeno said knowingly. “How about we break the rules for today. It’s Friday afterall. Let’s leave campus and get something to eat. We’ll be back before 7th period I promise.”
The rational side of you knew better. But then again, you were still hungry from the granola bar. “I don’t know. What if we get caught?”
“You won’t. I skip all the time. They never lock the gates near the back either. You can sneak back in easily and if an administrator asks, just give them one of these.” He pulled out a stack of hallpasses from his backpack. 
“Don’t tell me, you stole them? You  probably got written up for it.”
“You worry too much,” Jeno sighed. “Let's just have some fun today. What do you say?” 
It took some convincing but Jeno managed to get you to skip class with him to grab food. He found himself enjoying your company as time flew by, now realizing that you were fun to talk to and tease. And to think, it only took him a little over a week to get you to warm up to him. Jeno was ecstatic. 
-
On Saturday, Jeno came over once again to help you out with the guitar. Minji also tagged along and as you got to know her too, you found yourself growing quite fond of her. She was so cute and respectful unlike most kids her age. And just like last week, you cooked them both dinner again. 
“Thanks for the chicken Y/N, it was so good,” Minji squealed, hugging your legs. You crouched down and gave her a hug, thanking her for being so cute.
“Thank you too, it was really nice spending the day with you,” Jeno admitted as he held his sister’s hand. It was getting late and Jeno was about to leave but he found himself lingering at the front door. 
“You too.” You didn’t know what else to say but just look at him. You’ve never noticed it before but he had a small mole under his left eye and he even kind of resembled a samoyed dog. Cute, you noted. 
You snapped out of your daze when Niki yelled, “Bye Minji, bye Jeno!”
“So I have a performance next Thursday. A concert  in the auditorium,” you added hesitatingly. “We’re playing some really good classical hits and it’ll be nice if you and Minji came. If you want to though, no pressure. It starts at 6.” You didn’t want to make it seem like you were asking him out, but you did want him to see you play the trumpet since he apparently found them cool. Did you want to impress him? Maybe. You didn’t know why. 
“We’ll be there,” Jeno nodded. 
You bit down a smile. “Great.”
-
The next week, you tutored Jeno like normal except there was not much learning going on. Jeno would constantly get distracted as he kept bringing you random things. And eventually, the both of you would lose track of time, doing more talking than tutoring. 
The day of the concert, you were nervous. You ended up rambling to your best friends Yeri and Xiaojun in the band room while you waited for the performance to start. The three of you have been friends since middle school and now as you were all seniors, your friendship was still as strong as ever. Well, as strong as it could be. Ever since Xiaojun and Yeri began dating, you become a third wheel more often than not.  
“I can’t believe you like Jeno.” Yeri looked disgusted. “I heard he’s been messing around with that cheerleader Karina.”
“Yeah, be careful Y/N, don’t fall in love with him,” Xiaojun added. 
“I don’t even know if I like him,” you clarified. “I barely know him but we’re kind of friends. At least I think we are.” 
“You guys text?” Yeri asked.
“Sometimes. Just about random things.”
“No way. So you’ve been talking to him.” 
“I wouldn’t put it like that. We talk but we aren’t talking.”
“Do you think he’s attractive?” Xiaojun asked. 
“Kind of? I mean he kind of looks like a lost puppy sometimes when he’s thinking. It’s cute.”
Yeri fake gagged which made you giggle. 
“He’s actually pretty cool once you get to know him,” you tried to say. You don’t know why you’re defending him because not too long ago, you swore all jocks were stuck up obnoxious jerks. You don’t generalize in other areas of life, but when it comes to sports? You did. You’ve encountered your fair share of bratty teenage boy athletes over your years of tutoring to come to this conclusion. The majority of jocks were annoying. But Jeno was different. And you felt it within you to defend him. 
“I don’t trust him,” Yeri seethed while preparing her instrument for the concert. 
“Me neither. Just be careful. If he hurts you just let me know,” Xiaojun said and put up his fists in the air as if he was squaring up on someone, making you laugh. 
-
After the concert, you went to the band room again to put away your sheet music and trumpet. You also changed your outfit before making your way back to the auditorium to meet up with Yeri and Xiaojun. You also looked for Jeno. You tried looking for him earlier when you were playing but all the music stands blocked your view. 
Then you see him. And Minji. 
“Y/N!” Minji yelled as she lunged towards you.
“You were amazing, I didn’t know you could play so well,” Jeno said as he stood before you. “Here, I got you flowers, they’re kind of crushed though since I had it in my locker. Sorry I got here late too, I got out at practice then I rushed home to get Minji so yeah.”
“It’s okay, thank you. I’m glad you made it.” You were touched. It was your first time receiving flowers from someone. After a while of catching up, you changed the subject and turned around to introduce your friends. “Meet Yeri, my friend. Xiaojun is my friend too but he’s over there,” you pointed out.
Jeno recognized them from the day he first saw you but pretended like it was his first time. “Hey.” 
Yeri didn’t even try to conceal her distaste for him. Not even with a face smile, just a scowl. “Hi.”
“Okay,” you interjected. “My friends and I were going to go out for some food. Do you want to come along?”
Jeno looked at Yeri who could never control her expression. It was obvious she didn't like him. 
“I’m good, I should take Minji home, it’s getting late,” Jeno said, ruffling up his sister’s hair.
You nodded and reluctantly watched as he left the auditorium. Just what were you going to do…
-
Over the weekend, Jeno came over again and teached you how to mute, along with an easy strumming pattern. 
“Why is the barre chord so hard?” you whined as you sat on the sofa in your living room. Jeno was beside you, guiding you how to play.
“It takes practice to build the muscle,” Jeno wiggled his pointer finger which made you giggle even though it wasn’t even funny. This was how it was when you were with him. He always made you laugh even if his attempts were lame. 
“I actually have a surprise to show you too,” you beamed, pulling out your notes with the chords, “I’ve been practicing a song.”
Jeno clapped his hands together. “Let me hear it.”
You began to play Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder and strummed while singing along in a soft voice. Jeno thought you sounded beautiful. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. 
When you finished playing, you wiped a tear that came down your eyes. “Sorry, I didn't mean to cry. I just miss my dad so much. He used to play me this song all the time but what do you think?”
“It was beautiful, you’re a great singer too,” Jeno’s eyes were filled with admiration. 
That day he left your house like usual. Only this time, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. 
-
You stared at yourself in the mirror before meeting up with Jeno for tutoring. You found yourself putting more effort into your appearance these days. You knew the chance of Jeno liking you back was low but still, you wanted to put on a bit of makeup, just in case. 
Twisting open your mascara, you began to apply another coat on your lashes when the head cheerleader walked in. You didn’t pay much attention to Karina but you could feel her eyes on you as you reapplied your mascara.
“You like Jeno don’t you?” The way she asked was laced with venom or something. You didn’t like how she was talking to you. 
“Why do you care?” You put away your makeup before turning to face her. 
“He’s mine.” The way she said it made it sound like a threat. But you weren’t scared. 
“Okay, sure,” you sighed.
She took a step towards you as if to intimidate you. “I’m serious. Sure he’s with you right now but you’ll see sooner or later. He’s just using you. Me and him are running for homecoming queen and king together, you can’t break us apart.” 
“I just tutor him okay? So yeah he’s using me. You can go after him all you want, I’m not your competition so lay off.” 
She then bursted out into laughter. Sheesh. Who knew someone so outwardly pretty could sound like an evil witch when laughing? She was delusional. You didn’t let her words deter you though. Sure, you might’ve liked Jeno but you weren’t ever going to act on it unless he did so first. And the likeness of him doing that? Slim. 
You and him were just friends. 
“You’ll see what I mean soon. Just remember, he’s mine.” And with that, she strutted out of the bathroom, leaving you in your thoughts. 
-
You were trying to explain some concepts to Jeno but he wasn’t even paying attention. He just kept staring blankly at his worksheet.
“Jeno?” you repeated for the second time.
“Yeah?” He looked uneasy like something was bothering him.
“Are you okay? You’ve been distracted for a while now. Is something on your mind?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, what were you saying before?”
You repeated yourself. You didn’t know what you were going to do with him. He just looked so out of it. 
-
The Friday before his first game, he had somehow convinced you to skip class again. He was starting to become a bad influence on you yet you couldn’t even find it within yourself to care. The two of you stopped by his house first to get his sports bag he had forgotten and then you both got lunch. The two of you ate in his car and he couldn’t help but notice how comfortable he was around you. When he finished eating, the two of you just stayed in his car and talked for what seemed like hours. Before he had to go in for practice, he turned to you with a serious face. “I have something to tell you.”
“Oh, okay. What is it?”
You were so clueless. So utterly oblivious. Jeno took a deep breath but it did nothing to help. His nerves didn’t subside one bit. He had to do this. He had to tell you the truth. It was eating him up inside and at this point, he didn't even care about the dare anymore. He just wanted to get it over with and hope that you’d understand and forgive him.
“I haven’t been honest with you, Y/N.“ Just promise me you’ll listen to me fully before saying anything?”
You held back a smile, not understanding why the conversation turned so serious all of a sudden. “Why would I hate you?” 
“Because I-” You were looking at him so innocently. You’ve become such an important person to him, he didn’t know how to tell you the truth about the dare, so instead, he told you the other truth weighing down his heart. “I like you,” Jeno said softly. He felt like a coward. A heartless coward. 
“I like you too,” you beamed. 
“Good.” Jeno forced a smile. 
The way your eyes twinkled made his heart sink. You truly did like him. This was going to blow up in his face so bad. He loved how flustered you were right now but at the same time, he felt so guilty. You looked at him with such admiration, he didn’t want to imagine your face filled with hate for him. He knew he had to tell you sooner or later but he couldn’t. It would break your heart and he wasn’t sure if he could do that anymore. He considered the punishment for not fulfilling his dare— that dare he was so sure of was in the past. But that was before he got to know you. The deadline was next Monday and Jeno was in trouble. He didn’t know how to break your heart and keep you in his life at the same time. Falling for you was never a part of the plan.
-
Later that night, Jeno’s football team won the game. After the game, the team went back to the locker rooms to converse and change. To celebrate, one of his teammates decided to throw an afterparty. 
You waited outside of the locker rooms for Jeno. His teammates were looking at you weird as they walked out but you ignored them. The hatred you had for jocks was creeping back the more you saw his teammates. What did you do to them anyway? 
Then you saw Jeno, and the hatred melted away once again. You embraced him in a hug. It was only meant to be a friendly-bro hug but Jeno held onto you way too long for it to be like that. The hug was more intimate than you had intended it to be.
“Are you okay?” you asked. “You look so down considering the school just won.”
“I’m just tired.” He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He didn’t know how to tell you the truth and it was eating him upside. He didn’t want you to hate him. Everyone had left the hallway outside the locker rooms now and it was so quiet. It was his time, he thought. He could tell you the truth right now and get it over with. But then he looked at you, and you were genuinely worried about him and the words he wanted to say got caught in his throat. 
He was at a crossroads.
“Jeno, what's wrong?” you asked him again. 
“Nothing.” He lied. He felt like a coward. “Let's go to the party, yeah?” He held his hand out and you intertwined your fingers with his. 
-
When you arrived to the house of his teammate, you stuck to Jeno. He asked you if you wanted to play Mario Kart or beer pong but you didn’t. You just wanted to be near him and followed him wherever he went. You even tried to make conversation with his friends although you could sense that they didn’t respect you as they kept referring to you as a band geek. 
In a sea of so many people, you’ve never felt more alone. 
“I’m going to play beer pong with the guys?” Jeno announced to you softly as he caressed your cheek.
“I’m going to go outside for some fresh air. Find me later?”
He nodded then kissed your forehead.
It was beginning to get stuffy inside the house and you just wanted fresh air. You were leaning against the exterior wall of the house when you saw some familiar faces come from the driveway.
As they neared, you recognized them as Xiaojun and Yeri.
“I thought you guys were tired,” you beamed as you hugged your friends.
“We were, but we also wanted to have fun,” Xiaojun added before walking into the house, leaving you and Yeri behind. 
“We also wanted to see how you were doing, where's Jeno?” Yeri asked, while glaring at her boyfriend from behind.
“Jeno’s playing beer pong,” you began. “I just needed a break, it’s nice to have some fresh air outside” 
Yeri tsked, as if she was disapproving of Jeno again. “That’s enough fresh air. Come on, let's go have some fun inside.” Yeri encouraged as she dragged you inside. You didn’t see Jeno on the way to the pool, but you figured he was just with the guys in the other room and forgot about him for a bit. 
While it was fun, chatting with some people near the pool, it had been an hour now since you’ve last seen Jeno. “I’m going to look for Jeno,” you told Yeri before going back inside the house. You checked the bottom floor first before going upstairs.
You’ve already checked a few rooms but he wasn't there. Right as you were about to turn the corner, you heard your name. It was strung along with Jeno’s name which furthered your curiosity. 
What could people be saying about you now? You hated how much your name was used in gossip lately. And all this because you decided to tutor Jeno. 
A male voice laughed. “It’s been a month and he’s still with that band geek. The deadline is in 3 days, I wonder how he’ll break her heart.”
“Do you think she knows? I mean she has to, right? Why would a guy like him ever hang out with her if it were not for the dare.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah, that freshman on JV told me. I kind of feel bad for her.”
You went up to a random boy in that group and grabbed a fistful of his shirt and forced him to explain. He seemed wasted, and just smirked at how you handled him.
“Hey chill, all I know is that varsity has a tradition of dares,” the guy slurred, eyes raking your body up and down. 
You refrained from slapping him. “You’re saying someone dared Jeno to date me?” 
“Yeah, apparently he had to make you fall in love with him? Something like that.”
“Nah dude, his dare was to break someone’s heart and he chose you,” another guy added with a laugh. 
You loosened your grip on the boy’s shirt and took a step back, disappearing around the corner. You were devastated. They had to be lying. No way the Jeno you knew would do that. He was different, wasn’t he? Wanting some privacy, you opened the door to the room closest to you only to get the opposite of what you wanted.  
Jeno was kissing someone on the bed. Not just anyone though. He was kissing Karina. Perhaps the most prettiest yet bitchiest girl at your damn school. The one girl everyone had a crush on. The one girl he apparently had a crush on too. 
Yeri was right. Jeno was no different. 
Right as Jeno saw you, he pushed Karina off and called out your name. 
But you don’t listen. 
Tears burned in your eyes as you ran out of the room and down the stairs. The music was already loud but it only amplified as the scene of Karina straddling Jeno replayed in your head. Everything just felt so suffocating. You needed fresh air. 
You barely made it onto the driveway when you felt a hand grab your wrist. 
“I know it looks bad, but it’s not what it looks like,” he pleaded with wide eyes. “I just got out of the bathroom when she showed up. I didn't even get a chance to move before she pushed me to the bed and kissed me. I tried to push her off and that’s when you came in,” he tried to protest but there was no justifying what you saw. Or heard for that matter. 
“You don’t have to explain yourself,” you said calmly, as you yanked your hand away from him. 
“Of course I do, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I really like you-”
“You must think I’m stupid Jeno. I know about your dare with varsity. And to make it worse, my dumbass actually fell for it. You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I am stupid.” You hated how everyone on the driveway was staring at you now. The attention made you humiliated.
His eyes widened. “How did you find out about it?”
“Does it matter? The deadline is in three days is it not? Well congratulations, you succeeded. Was any of it even real Jeno? Or was it just all a game to you?” It wasn’t even a break up. You and him were never a couple yet it felt worse than a break up. You felt so used. 
“I promise it might have started out that way, but everything I felt for you was genuine,” Jeno pleaded. “I never meant for it to hurt you or get this far.“ He hated the way you looked at him. And he hated it even more that he was the one that caused it. He could tell that you were trying your best to be calm but he knew you were hurt. Especially with how guarded you were the first time he had met you. 
“How could this not have hurt me? Was I that much of a loser?”
“No, you aren’t at all, it was just tradition, you know how it is.”
“No I don’t know. Did you really think I was so easy?” You took a second to calm yourself. You had to get away from this place before you completely broke down in front of everyone. “I hate you Jeno. I never want to see you again.” 
But right as you turned your heels, he tried to reach for your hand again only to get a slap to the face. Leave me alone,” you warned. 
Jeno deserved it and he knew it. All he could do was stare back at the anger fueled in your eyes. 
“Hey, what’s going on?” Xiaojun interjected. He was making his way from inside the house along with Yeri.
You watched as Xiaojun stepped in front of you and guided you behind him. 
“Xiaojun, it’s fine,” you tried to tell him.
Jeno rolled his eyes at how your friend always had to involve himself. “This is none of your business dude.”
Xiaojun ignored him and turned back to you.“Did he hurt you?” 
“No, we were just talking. Can you just give me a ride? I want to go home.” And thankfully your friends took you home. You never wanted to see Jeno again. 
Xiaojun and Yeri knew something was wrong seeing how visibly upset you were. You told them what happened in the car and they came to hate Jeno even more. To them, he was always the conceited player who shitted on everyone else. The typical jock. You thought he was different, but you were wrong. Truthfully, a part of you wished Jeno had chased after you that night, but he didn't. Of course he wouldn’t run after you, why would he? It wasn't like he actually cared about you in the first place. 
-
The following week, everyone reported to the captain with their proof of the dares and everyone succeeded. It was a good sign that they were going to do well this season and everyone was ecstatic. Jeno had passed the initiation of some sorts, but at what cost? The girl he liked hated him. And he didn’t even know how to fix it.
Weeks passed and you were still ignoring Jeno. There were so many times he wanted to just walk up to you and talk. But deep down he knew there was no justifying what he did. As if the dare wasn’t enough to break your heart, you also walked in on him at the worst time possible. 
-
It was the night of a home game, when you were reluctantly there with the marching band. Jeno snuck glances at you when you were marching across the field. You didn’t notice him but he saw you and he thought you looked beautiful under the moonlight. He knew he had to do his best to impress you tonight and win the game. 
And win the game he did. 
“What gives man? You look like someone ran over your foot.” Haechan patted Jeno’s back. “We just won! Let’s go!”
Of course Jeno was happy but he was also thinking. Were you paying attention to him? He scanned the crowd where the band sat and admired you. You were having a conversation with that Xiaojun kid and his girlfriend next to you but your eyes were on him. He smiled at you but you didn’t smile back. He let his friends push him around as they cheered. He wanted so badly for you to run towards him and hug him but things weren’t like that anymore. Instead, he felt the arms of someone else around him.
Jeno turned around to see the cheerleaders running up to the team and looked down to see Karina’s arms around him. He grew agitated at the sight of her and peeled her arms off his body. 
“You did so well, come on Jeno, I’ve missed you-,” Karina got cut off by Jeno who told her to stop. 
“Can you leave me alone for once? For fuck’s sake, can you take a hint when someone doesnt want you around?” Jeno was on edge and his voice was louder than he intended it to be. He knew that you were looking at him and Karina would only make things worse.
Karina scoffed, embarrassed since Jeno had made a scene. As much as she hated Jeno, she also wanted him. But for now, she left him alone.
Jeno sighed in relief when she walked away. He scanned the bleachers for you again but the band had left. You were gone.
-
Over the next few weeks, you remained inexistent in Jeno’s life. You began to dedicate your time to improving your trumpet skills for the upcoming performance concert. There would be another classical medley of songs and you needed to have the muscle memory to keep up with all the notes. 
The day of the concert, it was gloomy but still, the auditorium was packed. You played your part as the composer directed, eyes following your sheet music.
After the concert, you went back to the band room to change and put away your trumpet before meeting up with Xiaojun, Yeri, and her mother in the audience. 
“So what do you kids want to eat? Should we order pizza at home or go out for some real food?” Yeri’s mother asked the three of you.
Yeri was quick to propose a steakhouse and both you and Xiaojun agreed.
“Oh, I forgot my bag in the locker room, I’ll be right back,” you apologized.
You made it quick to the public lockers near the band room, not wanting to hold your friends up. You were struggling with your lock combination. It was right, left, right, right? Just why wouldn’t it open? 
“You need help?” A familiar voice asked from behind your shoulder.
You turned around. Jeno.
“Hi,” he started. “Here I got you flowers, you did great out there.”
You looked down at the flowers then back at him. “What are you doing here?”
“Y/N!” a voice from behind Jeno yelled. It was Minji.
Minji ran to you and hugged your legs. “I’ve missed you Y/N. Why don’t you come over anymore?”
You bent down to hug Minji. “I’ve missed you too. I’ve just been busy, I’m so sorry.” You felt terrible, not knowing how to break her the news that you hated her brother. So instead, you pretended like everything was okay. 
Jeno handed you the flowers when you stood up from hugging Minji. 
“Thanks,” you sighed, reluctantly taking the bouquet. “I really need to get going though.” You turned back to your locker and tried the combination again.
“I’ve missed you,” he hesitated.
“Jeno, that’s not a good idea,” you sighed.
“Just give me one more chance. I know what I did was stupid but I really want to make things right with you. Please.”
You managed to get your locker open and grabbed your bag before turning back to Jeno. “I don’t know. Thanks for the flowers but I have to go, my friends are waiting for me.”
You bent down to Minji and gave her a kiss on her forehead before you left. You didn't know how to deal with your heart anymore. A part of you still loved him. But a part of you just couldn’t let it go.
Jeno was devastated that night but he understood. He left you alone after that.
-
The homecoming game was in a week and you had been practicing for what felt like years. The trumpet was heavy, the mouthpiece bruised your lips, and your fingers were cramping. You were over it. If it weren’t for your best friends who also were in band, you would’ve just taken a nap. 
The weather was the topic among your bandmates the day of the homecoming game. It was perfectly chilly and breezy which allowed for minimal sweat for all the marching and playing you had to do. 
It was disappointing to say the least– your school had lost. The fact that it was a homecoming game for your school made it even more depressing. No one from your school was in a good mood. 
You glanced down at the crowd, eyes scanning the grassy field for Jeno who was being comforted by his teammates. There was sweat dripping on his face and a frown of anger as he held onto his helmet. 
After the game, you were going to go home but Xiaojun and Yeri practically dragged you to the rival team’s afterparty. Xiaojun was friends with a guy on the other team and given how sad you seemed these days, Xiaojun wanted you to have some fun. Or in his words, drink, socialize, and forget about the boy. And that you did. You had two cheap beers and that was enough to get you just buzzed enough to let loose and socialize. 
Xiaojun and Yeri made an effort to introduce you to his friends at the other school and tried to make sure you were comfortable. His efforts were appreciated but you still felt out of place. The music was loud and people kept pushing their sweaty bodies against you which became more annoying as the alcohol began to wear off. You made your way to the second floor to use the restroom which was locked. Considering how you heard some noises coming from inside, you supposed it would be a while before they came out. Frustrated, you searched the bedrooms and looked for another restroom. 
While you expected to see people from your school at the party, you didn't expect Jeno to be there, but there he was leaning against the wall, looking all sad. 
You turned around to walk away, but he called out your name ever so softly which made you halt. Just why couldn’t you walk away? Jeno grabbed your hand and turned you around. He had you pinned you against the wall with an arm beside your shoulder. “I miss you,” he said softly. His eyes were laced with something so delicate causing you to melt under his gaze. He was so close to you, breathing down your neck. The way he looked at you was so intense yet so soft and for a split second you could almost feel as if he might’ve actually liked you. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he mumbled, fingers trailing your jawline. 
“Jeno. What are you doing?” You hated how your voice came out so low. Your heart was beating rapidly against your chest from the way he had you pinned. You could have pushed him away but you didn’t. Because a part of you missed him too. 
“Will you let me kiss you?” Jeno muttered. 
You hated yourself for wanting to say yes but you couldn’t help how soft his lips looked. You were about to stupidly say yes when you heard your friend’s voice echo. “Get off her, you jerk.” The next thing you knew, Jeno was being pulled off you. Xiaojun had come up from behind and fisted Jeno’s shirt, pushing him against the wall. 
“Xiaojun, it’s fine, get off him,” you tried to intervene but your words rang silent. 
“Leave her alone. Haven't you done enough?” Xiaojun hissed at Jeno. 
“For the last time, mind your own business dude.”
Xiaojun scoffed as he tightened his grip, “And for the last time, leave Y/N alone. You’ve done enough. Don’t tell me you suddenly like her now that she's over you.”
Jeno pushed Xiaojun’s grip away and took a step closer to him to assert the fact that he was taller than him. “She’s not over me, just look at her, she misses me too.” His words came out slurred.
Xiaojun sighed. “I get it, the girl you played dumped you and you lost the game and you're angry, but genuinely, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
Jeno had frustration laced in his eyes, he hated when people pitied him. It was almost scary in the way he let out a bitter chuckle. 
“Fuck you,” Jeno said as a tear rolled down his cheek. He directed a finger to Xiaojun’s chest. “You don’t know anything.”
“Then enlighten me. What could your problem possibly be?”
“My problem is you,” Jeno said with fire in his eyes. He shoved Xiaojun with both hands and he shoved back. 
You couldn’t let Jeno hit Xiaojun like that. You ran to Xiaojun and placed yourself in the middle to try and get him to calm down before things escalated but Jeno had fire in his eyes. He looked back at you then at Xiaojun. He scoffed before walking away. 
“Are you okay?” Xiaojun mumbled softly with his hand on your shoulder. 
“Yeah, I’m okay. You didn’t have to step in like that but thank you.”
“Of course I had to, you’re my best friend.” Xiaojun pulled you in for a hug along with Yeri too.
Before you left that night, you saw Karina and Jeno together in the kitchen and she had her hand on his arm. You made eye contact with Jeno but you looked away as soon as it happened. It was only for a brief moment as you passed by but it still managed to make you feel uneasy. It shouldn’t have bothered you so much, but it did. 
Lee Jeno was just so damn confusing. 
-
The next day was homecoming and it was daunting to say the least. You weren’t even planning on going but you already bought a ticket and Yeri was persistent on how you shouldn’t let the lack of a date get in the way of your senior year plans.
The first thing you saw when you walked into the gymnasium was Karina with her arm around Jeno’s. You weren’t sure what hurt most, the fact that he looked so handsome in a suit, or the fact that he was here with the girl you hated the most. 
Yeri saw you glancing at Jeno and his date and immediately pulled you to check out the food selection. 
Looks like all homecoming had to offer was off-branded chips and cookies. Xiaojun and Yeri took a bite of the chocolate chip cookie before tossing it out. You couldn’t even blame them. They were stale but it didn’t stop you from stuffing your mouth. 
In the meantime, Yeri poured you some punch and encouraged you to slow down on the cookies. “Brighten up, homecoming might’ve not been what you were expecting but it’s our last one, so let's make the most of it.”
“You’re right,” you sighed. “I just hate how I’m all alone and Jeno is with Karina. I still hate how dumb I was. I should’ve believed you right away when you said they were messing around. I just thought he was different.” 
Yeri didn’t know what else to do but distract you. “Hey you love this song,” she cheered while wiggling her hips, “dance with me?” she reached for your hand.
You felt bad, not wanting to interfere with their night. “It’s fine, go have fun with Xiaojun,” you assured her.
“One dance,” Yeri proposed. “Babe, you too, you can find your friends later” she turned to her boyfriend.
“Fine,” you rolled your eyes playfully. 
-
The one dance turned into one hour as the song kept changing from hit to hit. It wasn’t until the DJ played a slow song that you opted out of. Yeri and Xiaojun could take it from there. 
You made your way to a vacant table near the back and watched as all the couples danced. Your eyes drifted to Jeno who was slowly dancing with Karina. You couldn’t help but compare yourself. You looked down at your dress that had rhinestones that decorated the exterior of the top. You didn’t even know why you got all dressed up when you had no one to impress.
Not wanting to look lonely, you poured yourself some punch then made your way out of the gymnasium to the hallway. You took off your heels before sitting down against the lockers a few steps away from the entrance. You didn’t mean to cry, but in the moment, you felt like crying. You took a sip of your fruit punch and let the faint music drown your thoughts. You stayed like that for a while.
-
Meanwhile inside of the gymnasium, Jeno found solace with his teammates. He needed to get away from Karina. She was starting to get on his nerves. Just how much could that girl talk?
Jeno had spotted Yeri and Xiaojun dancing to the music but you weren't in sight.
Moments passed where he scanned the whole gym just to look for you. He was about to go outside when Karina found him again and wrapped her arms around him. 
The homecoming queen and king announcement was about to begin and Karina kept going on about how she was going to win. Jeno wanted to rip his hair out at how annoying she was. 
A while later, Jeno, Karina, along with all the people running, came to the stage. Jeno wished the person with the mic would hurry up and announce the winners already. He didn’t care about any of it. Noy the dance. Not Karina. Not being king. 
In the end, Karina was crowned homecoming queen and Jeno was crowned homecoming king. 
Jeno scanned the crowd for you but nothing. All the clapping and cheering from his fellow classmates was only making him more frustrated. He never wanted any of this.
He quickly gave his speech and waited for Karina to make her speech. He was about to run off after the pictures when Karina pulled on his arm to whisper in his ear. “Give me this dance then you can chase after that bitch I don’t care. If you ruin this for me, you’ll regret this.”
Jeno glared at her threat and whispered back in her ear, “You better keep your promise,” he grumbled. He has never hated Karina more but he had to keep his composure in front of everyone. 
As Jeno was slow dancing with Karina, all he could think about was you. He couldn’t wait until the dance was over so he could look for you. 
-
“Y/N! There you were, I was looking for you everywhere,” Yeri sighed in relief. “What are you doing on the floor, get up.”
Yeri helped pull you up while you gnawed on the empty cup. You had been listening to the homecoming king and queen announcements outside the gym and heard how Jeno and Karina won queen and king. You were happy for them. Truly. “How’s Jeno? Does he look happy dancing with Karina?” you ask Yeri. A part of you wanted her to say yes just so you could get over Jeno once and for all. 
“Not really, let's forget about him though,” Yeri sighed. “Xiaojun and his friends are going to get some real food though. How does burgers and fries sound?”
“I guess it sounds good.”
“Great, come on, Xiaojun is already in the limo.”
“Wait!” A familiar voice pulled you to a halt. “Please, I just want to apologize.”
Jeno froze as he took in how beautiful you looked up close. If things were different– if things went his way, he would’ve danced with you tonight. Instead, he had to dance with someone else and faced the consequences of his own actions.
“Come on,” Yeri rushed but you didn’t move. 
You wanted to hear what he had to say. 
“Please Y/N, I’m sorry for yesterday. I was drunk and angry. I know it doesn’t justify anything but please, I just want things to be okay with us again.” The way you looked back at him was so heartbreaking and he knew it was all because of him. 
“It’s fine, Jeno. Just go back to Karina and leave me alone.”
“There’s nothing going on with me and her,” he said dryly. He felt defeated. 
You didn’t reply and turned to leave with Yeri. There was no use in talking to him when all he did was lie. 
-
The following week, the players knew they had an earful coming. The captain was conditioning and being rough on the players for losing. He did the usual for practice. The teammates were split into teams to do rounds then practiced offensive and defensive positions the following days. Only, it was more intense. Jeno was unfortunate enough to have a contact injury during practice. 
A week had passed and news of Jeno’s minor injury spread like wildfire throughout the school. You saw him around the hallway and he looked fine but how could you be so sure? You couldn’t help but be worried about him. You tried to ignore his presence around the school but everywhere you turned, there was a reminder of him. The posters on the wall of him and football. The grassy fields and even the juice from the cafeteria reminded you of the first day you met him. He was everywhere.
“Are you okay?” Yeri asked you, pulling you out of your daze.
“What?” 
“Were you thinking about him who shall not be named again?” 
“Maybe,” you sighed, glancing down at your desk to see your blank notebook. “He got injured at practice last week,” you reminded her. 
“He’s fine, don’t worry about him. Here, you can copy my notes,” Yeri offered, seeing how distracted you were.
“Thanks, I just need to use the restroom first.”
After asking your teacher to use the restroom, she gave you the hallway pass and you walked to the nearest bathroom which was in the building adjacent to yours. Eager to feel more awake, you splashed your face with water from the sink. 
“How’s it going with you and Jeno?” a familiar voice asked.
You wiped your face with a paper towel then turned to the direction the voice came from beside you. Karina was fixing her bangs and reapplying her makeup in the mirror.
“What?” you asked. 
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” she sighed. “I said how are things going with you and Jeno?” she sighed, now leaning against the sink to face you. 
“Why do you care?” 
“I don’t. I’m just asking,” she shrugged. “He seems to really like you although I don't know why.”
“I told you there’s no competition. Just be with him already, I don’t care.”
She chortled. “I don’t want him anymore. I deserve better and quite frankly trash deserves trash.”
“Okay, insult me all you want, I don’t care. I’m leaving.” You turned your heels to leave when she said, “Jeno’s in love with you,” causing you to stop in your tracks. “What?” You turned around, not understanding why she kept messing with you. 
She pursed her lips. “I guess he hasn’t told you yet… Although I don’t see what he sees in you, he seems to love you. You should forgive him.”
“He told you this? Word for word that he loved me?” 
“Ask him yourself” she said, before putting her lipstick back in her bag. She didn’t say anything else after that and just strutted out of the restroom, leaving you dumbfounded. You took her words with a grain of salt. There was no way he loved you. As much as you didn’t want to believe Karina, you couldn't help but think about the conversation on your way back to your class.
-
After the bell rang, Yeri walked you to your next class. On the way, you couldn’t help noticing Jeno in the hallway. He was walking alone and looked so sad. He loves you, the words Karina said resonated in your head. It was driving you insane. 
“Come on Y/N, don’t even look at him,” Yeri urged, but you couldn’t get your eyes off him. Jeno seemed to have noticed you staring at him too and jogged towards you from the other side of the hallway.
“Great, he’s heading towards us.” Yeri groaned.
“Hey,” Jeno said softly.
“Hi,” you replied.
“The bell is about to ring. I’m gonna go, are you going to be okay?” Yeri asked you while glaring at Jeno.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied and Yeri walked up the stairs to her next class. 
“I know I already apologized, but I really do mean it. I'm sorry for what happened at the party. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I know it was wrong to push your friend and about what I said, I’m really sorry, it just came out, I was just so annoyed with myself and your friend acted like a jealous boyfriend and I don’t know what got into me. He was only standing up for you and I didn’t mean for things to end like that-“
“It’s okay,” you blurted out, putting an end to his rambling. The bell rang right after you spoke up. You didn’t completely forgive him yet you also didn’t want to hate him anymore. “How’s your head? I heard you got injured last week.”
“Oh yeah, it was just a minor injury. Nothing serious.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.”
You hated how awkward it was. Even when you first met, it was never this awkward. 
Jeno gripped onto the strap of his backpack. “So are we friends again? Things will be different this time, I promise.” 
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Jeno.”
“Come on, how can you just act like there was nothing between us? We were friends before weren’t we?” he pleaded. 
“How can you act like I wasn’t just a dare to you Jeno? Do you think you’ll say sorry and everything will just be okay, we’ll be friends again?”
“What do you want me to do then? I can’t change the past, all we can do is move on.” Jeno knew you still cared about him regardless of how you were pushing him away. He just had to be patient and time would heal everything. He was sure of it. 
“I don’t know. I just need time.” You were so tired of being mad at him. You wanted to forgive him, you really did.
“Take all the time you need,” Jeno nodded, before stepping backwards. “You know where to find me.”
And just like that, he strolled away with a piece of your heart. For some reason, you felt dejected. 
-
The week before winter exams, you were filling your time studying. You had a stack of review packets from your teachers on your desk and you were exhausted. Perhaps you were delirious, even because you had no idea what you were doing but you drove to Jeno’s house. You didn’t know what you were even going to say yet but something inside you just wanted to see him. 
When you made it to his front doorstep, you rang the doorbell, anxiously picking at your cuticles. You waited and waited. In a split second of realizing this was a bad idea, you were about to walk away when the door finally opened.
“Hi,” Jeno said. His hair was all disheveled and he was in a baggy hoodie and basketball shorts. He just looked so comfortable and huggable.
“Hi,” your voice was barely above a whisper.
“So what are you doing here?” He closed the front door and stepped towards you.
“I honestly don't know. I guess I just wanted to see you. Can we talk?” You took a seat on the bench that was on the front porch.
“Yeah, sure.” Jeno ran his hand through his hair before taking a seat next to you too.
You blew air into your hands as an attempt to warm them up. It was so chilly outside and it only made you more nervous as you chose your words carefully. “I don’t know why I’m here,” you admitted. “I’m supposed to be studying right now but I just couldn’t stop thinking about you,” you admitted. 
“I can’t stop thinking about you either.”
You smiled at that, now glancing over at him and you practically melted under his gaze. He was so attractive under the moonlight and your heart only swelled.
“Did you even need help with calculus?” you began, referring to the day you met him. It was always on your mind to ask but you never got the chance. 
Jeno sighed. “Honestly? I never needed help with calculus. I actually needed help with world history but you didn’t teach it so I just pretended to be bad at math.”
For some reason, his response made you chortle. “I had a feeling. You caught onto the material so fast. And if you still want to. Do you still want to be friends?” A part of you also wanted to ask him if he had loved you like Karina claimed but it wasn’t the right time. Another day, you supposed. 
“Yeah, of course.” Jeno smiled.
-
The next week, Xiaojun came to you saying that Jeno apologized to him. That made you happy. Although Xiaojun still disliked Jeno, you forgave him. Your memories brought you back to the night you left Jeno’s porch after catching up with him. You felt like the weight in your heart melted away. 
You spent the rest of the week reconciling with Jeno. You let him walk you to class. You ate lunch with him. You laughed with him. And you even let him back in your heart as friends. You really felt like he had changed. The night before exams, you even spent the whole day at his house, studying with him. You were cozied up on his bedroom floor, leaned against the side of his bed. You quizzed him on his classes and he quizzed you on yours for what seemed like forever before he called for a break. 
“So what are you going to do when school’s out?” he asked, tossing his flashcards to the side. 
“I’m not sure. I think my aunt and grandma are coming to visit. How about you?”
“I don’t know, but I’m nervous. I don’t know how the holidays are going to work out with my mom and dad. I’m probably going to have to go back and forth.”
“I’m sure it’ll be okay. Look on the bright side, two Christmases to look forward to,” you smiled, encouraging him to cheer up.
“I guess you’re right.” Jeno reconsidered and looked down at his hands in a pensive state. 
“What’s wrong?” You scooted closer to him, pulling his hands down from his face.
Jeno glanced up at you then scanned your face. He hadn’t been this close to you in what seemed like forever. You were so close to him and your lips looked so inviting. He could hear your breathing and the sound of your heart thumping against your chest. Just for a moment, he wondered what it would be like to kiss you, so he did. He leaned forward and closed the space between you and him. 
You didn’t know what to do but to kiss him back. You reached for his neck and pulled him even closer. The next thing you knew, you were on his lap and his hands were on your waist, not daring to go any lower. His fingers trailed underneath your top and his thumbs circled your bare skin leaving you breathless. 
“I love you,” Jeno muttered against your lips. 
“Jeno,” you breathed. Reality crashed back down the moment you looked into his eyes. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t be here right now, knowing how you loved him too. You got off his lap and began to look for your bag. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I should go.”
“Wait,” Jeno jumped up. 
“This was a bad idea. I just wanted to be friends, Jeno.” 
“You’re lying to yourself if you think we can be just friends.”
“Well, we can’t do this Jeno. I can’t be with you.”
“Why? Is there someone else?”
“It’s not that. I just can’t, okay? I’m really trying to just leave this all behind us, but I can’t no matter how hard I try. I just need to go.”
Jeno didn’t chase after you that night. He couldn’t get over the fact that he had hurt you too. 
-
Exam week passed by in a blur. 
It was now winter break and Jeno had spent his days thinking about you and what you were up to. Jeno wasn’t sure if you wanted to see him too but he had to apologize for that night. He had to make things right no matter how much you pushed him away. 
He took a deep breath before he rang the doorbell. His lips curved into a smile  the moment he saw your face. 
“What are you doing here?” You were surprised to see Jeno, but you didn’t exactly hate the fact that he was here. You knew that he’d want to talk eventually. 
Before Jeno could speak, Minji called out your name and ran towards you.
Minji hugged your legs and she looked even more grown than the last time. You’ve missed her. “How are you?” you cooed as you kneeled down to her.
“I miss you so much Y/N. I wanted you to come over but Jeno kept saying no. He’s so mean,” she teased as she glared back at her brother. 
Jeno walked towards you. “Hey.”
“Hey.” You forced a smile at him. You then looked back at Minji. “Remember my little brother? Niki is in his room playing Minecraft, do you wanna go play with him?” you asked Minji. 
“Niki!” she squealed as she ran up the stairs. 
“So what’s up?” you asked, taking a seat on the first step of the stairs. 
Jeno followed, taking the vacant spot beside you. “I wanted to ask how your exams went.”
“They were fine. Is that all?”
“And I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the other day. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I know you wanted to be just friends but I thought maybe I could change your mind which I shouldn’t have done. I’ll respect your wishes from now on. I just want us to be friends again, that’s all. Nothing more.”
“That’s not why I’ve been avoiding you Jeno.”
“Was it because I told you I loved you?”
“No it wasn’t. It’s just- How can you just act like I wasn’t just a dare to you? Goddaamit Jeno.” Frustrated, you brought your hands to your face. 
“So you still haven’t forgiven me..”
You looked back up at him. “I’m trying, it’s just everytime I look at your face, all I see is Karina on top of you and her dancing with you at homecoming. I thought I was over it but I’m not.” 
He reached for your hand. “Can you just trust me this once? I have never messed around with Karina. That night I was using the bathroom at the party, she must’ve followed me and waited until I got out because when I came out of the bathroom, she just kissed me and pushed me onto the bed. I was trying to push her off when you came in. I was telling the truth that day. And that day at homecoming? It was the only way to get her off my back. I told her to leave our relationship alone and she agreed but only if I was beside her for homecoming. Haven’t you noticed how she’s left us alone now? I swear I haven’t talked to her since that night. I only ever agreed to run with her because she kept asking too and I really did bail on her at the end but then she made the promise and I really just wanted her to leave us alone so I went with her. Please believe me,” Jeno pleaded as he squeezed your hand in between his. So Karina was telling the truth. “And I know the dare was a shitty thing but I don't regret it one bit. If I never went through with the dare, I wouldn't have gotten to know you. And meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me this year, can you trust that? I meant it that night when I said I love you. I still do and it’s okay if you don’t love me back. I just want us to be okay again.” 
You shed a tear when Jeno poured his heart out. “Okay. I forgive you. For real this time. But only because you have such a way with words,” you smiled.
“Good,” he smiled. “Because I love you.”
“Jeno,” you sighed. “I met with Karina in the restroom the other day and she told me that you said that you loved me.” You looked at him, hoping he would elaborate. 
“I said I liked you, but I do love you too,” Jeno admitted. “I told her to leave you alone too but I guess she broke her promise. Did she bother you?”
“No. She was being quite nice actually.”
[ Flashback: The night of the homecoming party after the fight with Xiaojun ]
Jeno was tired of everything. He had lost the homecoming game and yet he couldn’t even find it within himself to care. Not when he messed up everything with you. He had his chance to make things right but then that Xiaojun dude just had to show up. He was so angry at himself. He wanted to just drink every thought away but then he thought about it. Drinking would just be useless. 
He was swirling his drink around in his cup when Karina walked up to him. She smiled which caused him to roll his eyes. He was about to walk away when she grabbed at his arm, trying to convince him to see her as more than just a classmate. 
“Come on Jeno, I’m right here. Can’t you see that I like you? I’ve been chasing you for years now, are you really gonna play hard to get still?”
“Are you that dumb?” He was tired of being nice as he went off in her face. “I don’t like you and I never will.”
“Is it Y/N? People are saying you actually fell for that band nerd. Is it true? You really did like her?” 
“I do. And you know why? Because she’s a good person unlike you. I’ll never even as much as like you so just go away,” he spat, eyes boring in hers to make sure his distaste was clear. 
“You’re still hung up on that bitch? Isn’t that pathetic?” she asked genuinely. 
“Watch your mouth,” he warned as he diverted his attention towards Karina again. “If anything, you’re the pathetic one. I’ve tried to be nice but I’ve had it with you so move.” He pulled his arm out of her grip then began to walk away only to be stopped again by her hand. From the corner of his eye, he saw you leaving the house with your friends and stood frozen when you locked eyes with him. His heart sank when you diverted your gaze. 
“Jeno-“ Karina pleaded, seeing how he was staring at you. She tugged at his arm only to be met with a grunt. “I’ll leave you and her alone,” Karina began in a desperate attempt. “Just go to homecoming with me please. Be homecoming king. Your name is already in the running and you promised me at the start. Please, just this once. Do me one last favor and I’ll never talk to you again after that. I’ll even help you get her back, just please.”
Jeno turned to face her. “You want to be homecoming queen and king with me that bad?”
“Yes.” She gripped his arm even tighter. “It’s everything to me. Just go with me for one night. Then I’ll leave you and her alone forever.”
“Fine. But don’t help me get her back. Do nothing. All I want is for you to leave us both alone.”
“Deal,” she was on the verge of tears, feeling utterly heartbroken because of Jeno. 
“You better keep that promise,” Jeno said sternly and Karina knew better than to say anything else.
[ Present ] 
You felt a tear trickle down your cheek after hearing how he defended you. 
Jeno’s hand went to your cheek and his thumb swiped over the tear. 
“I like you too,” you said with a smile. “And I love you too.”
“I love you too… So do you still want to be just friends or should we finish what we started the other day in my room?” He said while raising his eyebrows suggestively. Jeno was his usual self again, enjoying how flustered you looked right now. 
“Oh my god, shut up. My aunt is upstairs, she could hear you,” you whispered after flicking his arm. “Come on, let's go to Niki’s room and see what they built in Minecraft.” You stood up, holding out your hand. 
“Can’t we just go to your room instead?” Jeno whined playfully while grabbing your hand. 
You rolled your eyes while trying to bite back a smile. “Nice try, but no.”
For the rest of the day, Jeno stayed over at your house and even met the rest of your family. He played board games and even watched TV with them too and they all loved him. Everything was starting to fall into place. 
Even though Jeno had hurt you, it was all in the past now. After all, if it hadn't been for the stupid dare, you wouldn’t have met the boy you loved.       
114 notes · View notes
Note
Hi there! I'm working on a modern supernatural story, and I've got a side character (the main character's best friend) who deals with chronic fatigue syndrome. He's a sweet, goofy, confident guy, and he has friends who are happy to change plans to accommodate him when he has flare-ups. They'll also help him out with chores or errands when he needs, with his consent. Naturally he gets bummed about his condition from time to time, but he's accepted that it's how he lives and with the help of therapy he's found ways to manage it. He also has plenty of hobbies and interests and grievances outside of his condition.
My question is this: I have a side-plot where the characters learn that a vampire has been feeding off him for weeks without his knowing, most likely using some kind of hypnotism. I'm wondering if the effects of consistent blood loss - fatigue, headaches, dizziness, etc - could reasonably be chalked up to a particularly bad CFS flare-up. Or would that be something where it's more likely he would notice the difference in severity of his symptoms and realize something else was wrong? Assuming the vampire can heal up any bite marks he leaves.
For the sake of clarity, he's had CFS most of his life and I'm taking care to avoid implying that it has anything to do with the vampire attacks. I'm just wondering if his symptoms would help hide the feedings or not.
Thank you!
The short answer: absolutely yes, this seems like it could be chalked up to a bad flare-up.
The long answer: I'm going to use the CDC's description of CFS/ME to lay out pretty exactly why it would work for both you and anyone wondering why exactly it would work.
A list of symptoms from the CDC has 3 core and 2 that you only need 1 out of 2 symptoms to have CFS.
Core: Lowered ability to do usual activities due to fatigue [that is not relieved by sleep/rest] that wouldn't have been an issue before illness
Core: Post-exertional malaise (PEM), which is a worsening of symptoms after physical or mental activity that wouldn't have been an issue before illness. Often described as a 'crash' and can include feeling dizzy, having difficulty thinking, headaches, or feeling ill. It can take days, months, or longer to recover from a crash and it's hard to predict how long a crash will last or what will cause it.
Core: Sleeping problesms; even a full night's sleep doesn't help symptoms much and might not help at all. Might have trouble falling or staying asleep.
Other: Problems with thinking and memory, like 'brain fog' or slowed thinking or trouble remembering things or paying attention.
Other: Orthostatic intolerance, meaning that symptoms can get worse while standing up. This can make people feel lightheaded, dizzy, weak or even faint.
I've bolded the symptoms on the list that match your stated symptoms of vampiric blood loss: "fatigue, headaches, dizziness, etc." and as you can see they match up pretty exactly!
Your character could perhaps do something that required a decent amount of mental or physical extertion, and perhaps it did or didn't cause a crash but at around the same time the vampire could have started to feed off of him. This might seem to prolong the 'crash' and your character might not think twice about it, just realize that they're feeling pretty miserable in a way not unknown to them.
I hope this helped!
PS, I really enjoy modern supernatural stories, and if you ever feel like sharing it I'd love to read this.
— Mod Sparrow
50 notes · View notes
Note
Hey bestie popping by with a random ask: what have been your favs so far from your old jbl project?
Hi! Thank you for the random ask.
I was actually just working on my monthly breakdown so I was trying to write just a couple of sentences about what I watched this month so this comes at a good time because this month I definitely saw one of my favs.
Tumblr media
The Novelist. I don't know if I can coherently convey my thoughts about it but I'll give it a try. I think there were several factors that made me take so long to watch it. I never read full reviews about it, because although I don't mind spoilers in general, I also like to go into some shows as unbiased as possible. That was not easy. I basically went into it thinking it was depressing and it involved a lot of sex that I wasn't sure where it would land of the consent scale. I don't really remember where I got this idea tbh. Anyway.
Although after hearing people like you, @twig-tea and @bengiyo talk about it in different contexts I was less wary about it for sure. So I went into it with a more open mind, even with reservations. I mean I basically went through the lighter parts of the ojbl list first, so part of me was dreading the rest. I don't mind darker stories, or darker bl's. I have way darker ones coming up on the list. But I always feel like I need to be in the right frame of mind for them. Because I can get too emotionally invested and my moods tends to swing easily.
All this to say, I wasn't expecting a story about two lonely people 'using' each other to fight that loneliness. As I was just writing in my breakdown post, Kijima was such an interesting character to me. Because in the beginning I was just curious about him, like there was something odd about him, his demeanor. And when I realized that he was faking part of it and just using Kuzumi I hated him. So much. But, and I have to give major props to the actor, because in episode 4 when Kuzumi leaves and Kijima in on the table just listening to the record and crumpling the pages, I was gone. I fully saw him for the first time. That man is lonely and hopeless and I felt so much for him in that moment. And that of course lasted through to the end and that smile
Tumblr media
I was practically clapping. Brilliant. It was such a beautiful ending. I felt like the show broke my heart a bit and it was all healed in this moment.
So to recap, not only was this a wonderful surprise that completely obliterated my expectations, but it's so beautiful. Everything is good. The cinematography, the music, the acting, everything was brilliant. So good. So if everyone that reads this has not yet seen for some reason or another I urge you to do it. I still have yet to see the other installments so I can't speak to all of it but this one is so worth it. I honestly can't believe that Kijima has become such an important character to me.
I think before this one, my favourites were for sure the first two I watched. Ai No Kotodama and No Touching at All.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
They were both such great surprises. Let me just quickly look through my notes because my memory might betray me. Oh okay.
Ai no Kotodama I really enjoyed how it was shot and edited. I liked how they used several things to mirror the relationship, the perfume , the stair gazing and the other couple. I felt everything served the story in a really interesting way. I also like that the girl wasn't the usual bl girl and in the end she was actually jealous of their relationship more than in love with either of them. I also really like how the film made me unsure about their relationship almost from the start, because it makes sense in this case. My confusion mirrors Shinya's confusion and fear.
I also really liked No Touching at All's directing. It was really interesting how they used the camera work. For most of the film the couple is usually far away from us, the camera is on the other side of the room or something like that. And it's almost keeping us at a distance. So when the camera finally gets close up, it's during their break up, which I thought was intentional to cause the most emotional impact. Like now you should be invested in this moment because so are they. They are being honest for the first time so there are no more barriers for us because they are being truthful and removing their own. I also think Shima's internal struggle was really well portrayed, I liked the fact that he initiated the break up for self preservation reasons and so Togawa coming back to him at the end is what allows him to trust it. It makes me believe more in their future together.
This got a bit longer than I intended. These three are definitely my favourites but I'm really enjoying this project, even if I don't love everything, I think there's always something positive about all of them. At least the ones I've watched.
Anyway I hope that answers your question. My next one will probably be Mood Indigo and I'll have to look at my list again but I know I have a couple other ones on there still to watch.
Thank you so the question.
34 notes · View notes
mixterglacia · 1 day
Text
THIS IS THE PART WHERE LOGAN BITCHES ABOUT CARTOONS
WARNING: VIVZIEPOP CRITICAL, STOLITZ CRITICAL
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I don't like this show, and I don't pretend to. Full transparency, I'm meaner in this then any before now. This is also slightly more disjointed than normal because I was directly reacting to the episode it's self.
"I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce." MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T BE RUSHING THESE THINGS BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE HE'S WAITED TWO DAYS. EVEN IF IT'S BEEN MONTHS IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT.
"I'll hear him and not the voice that says I'm not enough" Oh boo hoo bitch. You've seriously done nothing to convince me to feel bad for this stupid fucking asshole. His writing is full of holes and contradictions. It makes him feel like two different people.
"I'll set us free!" Are you quite sure that means what you think it means you stupid fucking ass.
Framed adoption certificate is a nice touch. Very cute.
Blitz is immediately not coming off how they want. I think they're -trying- to imply he has some deeply buried feelings too, but it comes off as "i didn't want this and i still don't want this, why can't it just be normal hookup shit."
"I'll die alone if this goes wrong!!" You have the emotional depth of a teaspoon and are about as interesting as one. Boo fucking hoo. BAD.
NGL this really made their wealth difference hit home. Why the flying fuck is blitz still bordering on abject poverty dude? You should be able to help him advertise send something IDK man, if you really gave a shit, why aren't you trying to actually help him in a genuine way? I'm sure he wouldn't say no if you slipped a hundred bucks or so into the book every so often. I fucking hate it here.
"Would he want me if he was free?" No. Next question. (You've done very little if anything to prove Blitz actually wants strings attached in this.)
"If he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?" Little late to have this realization but I'll take it. Also can we seriously stop downplaying how awful this is for BLITZ to go through? Stolas is severely over represented in Blitz's own fucking show. Why is Blitz so underdeveloped??? Why, dude? The episodes that mainly focus on him are pretty okay, but once Stolas shows up it's all fucking stupid.
If Blitz rejects him (which he should. Look how fucking anxious he is just THINKING about this.) he could lose his entire way of life. No more apartment, probably gonna get Loona taken away. Probably has to resort to prostitution or return to clowning. Stolas just gets to go about his life of luxury.
Why is Blitz's emotional well being such an after thought in this duet? THIS IS NOT STOLAS' SHOW.
"He showed me that I could choose" ...Dude. You have given no weight to swing that line at us. This isn't much of a choice in the grand scheme of things. Stolas and Stella already had the kid. The marriage never had to last. Not from the impression you've given us. He's a toddler deciding he wants chocolate milk instead of regular. We have never been shown he's actually going to lose anything of real value. He's still a prince. He's still got his money. Like are they trying to have him killed, sure but lets be real he's A PRINCE OF HELL. Assassination attempts are like...Tuesday for him.
GOD THIS SONG IS ASS. I will not allow Blitz to be painted as the bad guy here. Fuck Stolas, and fuck the team for trying to make it seem like we should feel bad for him. They both suck. BUT STOLAS IS OBJECTIVELY IN THE WRONG.
Ah yes, The Helluverse special of "let's yeet a stupid ass joke in the middle of plot, completely derailing anything." it has only been a few seconds and it's already going on for too long. Go learn from Bojack or RvB.
...........This cherub bit is throwing your entire lore off. If these idiots are having to do this shit to get by, why are they acting like heaven bound can do whatever they want in Hazbin? If all you meant by that line is the human souls in heaven, you totally screwed up the message there. Your points are murky at best, and you're contradicting yourself at every turn.
...............Are the cherubs mortal now? Like they're flying and glowing but they have to eat???? Huh? I don't think I've ever realized you're showing they eat a lot, but surely you don't actually have to eat as an angel or demon? Surely it's just a choice???? That's genuinely so fucking stupid???? WHY IS THAT EVEN A THING?
WE DON'T NEED FIVE ANTAGONISTS IN A CHARACTER DRIVEN EPISODE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU ARE LITERALLY RUINING YOUR MAIN PUNCH. YOU ARE TAKING AWAY TIME THAT SHOULD BE USED TO ACTUALLY PROVE BLITZ HAS SOME KIND OF FEELINGS FOR STOLAS. BAD.
Honestly the stuff with these five would have been a fun standalone minisode. NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EPISODES.
Bloody alleyway was a phenomenal cutaway gag. Points.
You really are not making it sound like Blitz likes this at ALL.
"If someone wants to see you less and less? Big red flag." NOT IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, DUH. He's literally a prince of hell in an affair with a """childhood friend""" who was literally PURCHASED for him. The whole thing is a red flag. Not just this!
You are making it exceedingly clear Blitz's just in it because he think's he'll lose the book. I don't give a rats ass about what micro-development you're going for. You take away time needed for showing that Blitz is conflicted on more than one level to do stupid ass tertiary character shit. YOUR CAST IS OVER BLOATED. BAD.
If you wanted me to feel bad for Stolas, maybe don't show that Blitz has an Angel-esque box of sex toys because he thinks he has to impress him. Stolas should have made it very clear AGES ago that he just wants Blitz. If Blitz is this hung up on needing to impress the damned bird, something very VERY wrong is happening in the bedroom.
If you seriously want us to think Blitz has feelings/cares about Stolas (Not that he HAS to), this sex candle shop would have been a perfect place to do it. "Well, he really likes it when I do this-" "This is his favorite colour." "This is his favorite scent." Blitz clearly knows nothing about Stolas, and both of them are to blame. This relationship is never EVER going to work if they know this little about each other when they've been regularly boning for ages. He should know more about what he likes. "What's the mood!?" "I don't know!" Woof. Full stop. This is never going to work in a real scenario. Womp Womp Move on.
HOW DOES BLITZ NOT KNOW HIS MEASUREMENTS. HOW CAN HE NOT JUST HELL-GOOGLE HIS MEASUREMENTS. STOLAS IS A PUBLIC FIGURE IT WOULD BE KNOWN. HE DOESN'T CARE, ERGO WE DON'T CARE. BAD.
Like he seems to MILDLY know what Stolas likes but this should be WAY clearer. Especially if you want us to think Blitz secretly cares too.
Love Fizz's new outfit. Very cute.
Gonna be real, Fizz and Blitz are seriously adorable. Can Ozzie pick him up too and actually show Blitz what being sexually valued is like? Because clearly he pulled it off with Fizz. Because he clearly enjoys sex and it feels like Stolas is just...using him. Not enjoying him. It's gross and SHOULD feel gross, because it FUCKING IS.
This whole bit with the cherubs makes it feel like we aren't supposed to give a damn about the main plot. That it's just a silly background to TERTIARY CHARACTER NONSENSE. BAD.
So far this confrontation is good as far as the pit of dread it opened in my stomach. I still really don't feel bad for Stolas. I feel bad for blitz. Him begging tore my soul out. It's so obvious how bad this power imbalance has gotten. I refuse to entertain these two any longer. This show needs to GROW UP and get over them, leave it here and I will forgive it.
Stolas should have 100% consulted Blitz before OFFICIALLY PUTTING HIM UNDER OZZIE'S JURISDICTION THAT'S NOT OKAY. Even if he leaves him alone, that can absolutely be weaponized.
"Am I not fucking you good enough?" Doesn't come off as him wanting more. Blitz feels like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the love of the gods stop stringing this POORLY WRITTEN. BADLY RETCONNED. PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A WELL DONE TOXIC RELATIONSHIP ALONG. BAD. MOVE. THE FUCK. ON.
"I care very deeply and have for a long time" You sure as shit never showed it.
To Those in The Back. ONE GRAND GESTURE DOES NOT FIX A TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIP. This is Mr. Peanutbutter with the library thing. This is Not ROMANTIC. This IS EMBARRASSING.
If he really cared, Blitz would not be living in poverty. If he really cared, he'd make an effort to engage beyond sex. IF HE REALLY CARED HE WOULD HAVE DIVORCED HIS WIFE THE PROPER WAY AND NOT TRAUMATIZED HIS FUCKING DAUGHTER OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Stolas is a godsawful woobified piece of shit that doesn't have the decency to acknowledge he's the problem, and when he does, has the fucking AUDACITY to behave like a pathetic child. This I was wrong speech is DOGSHIT and has no punch to it because more than half of the episode was TERTIARY CHARACTER BULLSHIT.
Blitz has EVERY RIGHT to see this as a joke. I immediately burst out laughing because YEAH. WHEN HAVE YOU GIVEN HIM ANY IMPRESSION YOU CARED BEYOND GETTING YOUR FREAK ON?
"Thank you for being here for a little while." Oh boo fucking hoo. Get over yourself. "It's just about sex" BECAUSE YOU NEVER MADE IT ANYTHING ELSE YOU FUCKING BOZO.
I am immediately cheering Blitz on in his retort. He's fucking earned it. You're not going to make me feel bad by making them show up in the room from their childhood. Blitz is completely in the right here.
If Stolas really thought so highly of him, he'd be putting in more of an effort. Stolas treats Blitz the way he treats Octavia. Like they're dolls from his childhood. If he wanted to do right by them, he would. He is FUCKING ROYALTY. There is NO reason he can't put in more effort for the people he supposedly loves. You don't love them. You love the idea of them. You can't accept that they aren't the idea in your head. This isn't love. It's abuse.
Fuck you. Blitz has NOTHING to apologize for.
It's like Stolas doesn't seem to think he's the problem. No shit, of course Blitz isn't going to react the way you thought he would. Why are you just THROWING HIM OUT RATHER THAN TALKING TO HIM? BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY WORK FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS YOU STUPID ASS OWL. YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO BE HANDED TO YOU ON A PLATE YOU RICH DUMBASS.
Fuck everyone trying to paint Blitz as the bad guy.
FUCK. YOU.
He's just trying to survive! He has a fucking daughter! A found family! EVERYTHING to lose!
Stolas just gets his fucking feelings hurt. He is the architect of his own undoing. Suck my entire ass. This was easily the worst episode bar none.
The tone was ALL OVER the place, and not in an effective way. The plot moved at a halt and go pace and all the fun bits were BOGGED DOWN by the supposed point of the episode! You can't tell me this shit took all that time, unless you were constantly saying "OOOO YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE COOL/FUNNY?" and shooting your production scheduled in the foot!
The rest of the portraiture being covered up is a very nice touch.
I can't believe you've gotten me to defend BLITZO of all people. But here we are. I guess I'm on his team. (He's an abusive dick, but NO ONE deserves this.)
33 notes · View notes
the-kingshound · 21 hours
Note
Warning inane ramble incoming, it’ll probably be annoying I apologize. (*_ _)人 I spent the last several days reading every post here. I managed to convince myself to start liking some (sorry about that I’m sure it was annoying to get all those notifications) I have this weird thing where I get nervous about liking older posts cuz I mean it’s been a long time and it’s unprompted so that’s weird right? It feels weird like I’m doing something wrong or I’m being annoying, I considered reblogging too but somehow that felt worse? Sorry I am not good with social rules they confuse me both on and offline Idk my brain is wrong and I’m just a nervous socially anxious snail. (>﹏<)
Anyways just wanted to gush about how much I love it here and I’m never leaving (´꒳`) ♡ First and foremost Yniol has a special place in my heart they will forever be my favorite bestie (*^ω^)人(^ω^*), yes I am biased as my partner is grey and though they don’t play IFs they were thrilled to learn about your character! Also your writing is just phenomenal, your fans are fun and creative, your characters give such warm and positive energy I love them so much they’re perfect, the inclusivity is such chefs kiss ( ´ з `) 🤌🏻✨, the angst is delicious, the fluff is so sweet and comforting, the spice is ... very blush-worthy (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄). This has been a journey I laughed, I cried, I giggled, and I blushed and I have enjoyed every bit of it from pasta discourse to Moldien cult wars to Arthur bunnies, I’ve had the most wonderful time. Now my mind is gonna be filled with Arthurian stuff for months my maladaptive daydreaming is having the time of its life I have a road trip next week and I’m so looking forward to just staring out a window for 6+hours while my Hound's just alternating daydream adventures with the cast o(≧▽≦)o. Also speaking of your amazingly wonderful, sweet, and supportive cast I have decided my (though I love them all) favorite poly pairings are Arthur/Morien and whole crew polycule I’d sell my soul for those but I 100% understand why you can’t really do that. I don’t think I have the endurance in me to code a single poly no matter how much I wish it so the fact you’re doing any let alone several is just god tier you are awe inspiring.
Alas I have rambled far far to much I wish I could be more eloquent in expressing just how much I enjoyed experiencing all of this but for now this is the best I can do (╥ω╥). Thank you for sharing your wonderful work it’s truly a gift to experience. ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧ I wish you wealth, health, and all the best in all your creative endeavors. -🐌
No, please please do not apologize. You made my entire week <3 This ask is straight up going into the folder where i keep my motivation to write and to be just a little proud of my work, thank you so so much for sending it.
For anyone having the same thoughts about liking or reblogging old posts: please do it. When I see the notifications, get very giddy and pleased, and I hope you are enjoying the food. Liking, and especially reblogging things, even more so if you add tags and reactons, not only fills me with glee but it also reminds me of old asks that I want to reblog again for new followers. So yeah, I love it, please feel free to go on a liking/reblogging spree!
You are so relatable for the maladaptive daydreaming (this game was absolutely born out of my own mental movies), I wish I could speed up the writing and editing for the next update so you can read it while you travel but I'm afraid it's a lost cause (I have been working on things, even now, but I am currently rewriting like half of it and while it is way better it takes sooo much time and energy). Knowing my characters and story are in someone's thoughts it the best kind of reward I need. I will never likely monetise this game, so this is the thing I wish to leave people with, and I hope the characters can be comforting and keep you company <3
You have no idea how much I would love to write the full polycule... maybe one day :,) But don't lose hope for the Arthur/Morien poly yet, as I decided to cancel the Gwyar/Morien poly and now I have a potentially free slot. In any case, awww, please know that this ask made me so happy today and will be in my thoughts as tkh is in yours.
Please have a lovely day and a lovely week and also a very lovely trip! Thank you again so so much!!
45 notes · View notes
bylrlve · 9 hours
Text
Thinking about kisses, today.
Mileven: one in season one, one in season two, four in season three - 3 in 301, 1 in 308, one in season four. The three in 301 were during a ‘sloppy makeout’ session, to quote Finn during a panel.
Boyce: 2 in season 2 during a sloppy makeout.
Stancy: Makeout in 101, several in 103, one in 103, one in 106, one in 201
Jancy: two big kisses in quick succession in 205, 1 in 301.
Lumax: one in 209
Jopper: one in 408, one in 409
Doomed couples get lots of kisses, as we’ve all noticed. Jancy and Lumax got only one or two kisses, because they’re endgame but their slowburns didn’t last long at all. Jopper got two big kisses, because they’re adults and because they’re the longest slowburn so far. If Byler is going to happen, imo they will get two kisses: one Big Damn Kiss scene (which may have a few in quick succession), and a short kiss at a later point, which may or may not get the emphasis of jopper’s second kiss.
They won’t kiss before 505 at the earliest. 505 looks good because of the 101-202-303-404 parallel, and I have my eye on Mike’s garage as a location - Will cycling away afterwards, but Mike cycling with him unlike in 101 and 303. I also have my eye on 507, both because of this sharp-eyed observation by @chirpsythismorning and because of Noah. Noah has switched from saying ‘hmm, Byler kiss? I don’t know’ last May to saying “byler kiss, byler kiss, byler kiss, byler endgame, Byler endgame, Byler endgame, Byler endgame. You know I ship byler, it’s my biggest ship,” in January, and somewhere in the seven months between those two TikTok lives, he got the episode seven script
21 notes · View notes
icklewolfiekins · 1 year
Text
hey do u guys feel a new hyperfixation coming on and are just like powerless to stop it or are you normal
27 notes · View notes
questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
24 notes · View notes
kafkaguy · 5 months
Text
character wrapped 2023 💥
tagged by @davidtennantpussytulpa ^-^ i didn't know how many to do so i copied tara and did top 10. i know the severance guys are Four Of Them but i can't separate them theyre all equally important to me
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
will graham (hannibal), em haywood (nope), aziraphale (good omens), mark & dylan & helly & irving (severance), hawkeye pierce (mash), martha jones (doctor who), ivan karamazov (the brothers karamazov), kim kitsuragi (disco elysium), stewy hosseini (succession), ruescott melshi (andor/rogue one)
i will tag... @fagician @britomart @libraryfag @roadwhores @majorbaby @globuspolski @hadleyfraserfaggot @tenderscience if u want to ^-^
#and now i will explain them all in detail#cos i started watching hannibal back in like. january or february and will immediately set up camp in my head and started to settle there#*I* pay rent to *HIM*. he lives there permanently. sweating and monologuing constantly#em was not only the character of 2022 but also of 2023 and of 2024 and the rest of the decade and all decades to come#she had such an impact on me keke palmer's performance will live with me forever and i love nope so fucking much#i almost didnt include her because nope was more of a last year obsession. but she lives on#aziraphale.........no comment#severance.......i love them all so much and at first i wanted just irving and then just helly and then i realise i cried over mark this week#and then i realised i couldnt possibly leave out dylan when hes probably my favourite character. so then i settled for all of them#hawkeye is my fucking wife. enough said#martha... well i knew i had to have a doctor who character. i thought maybe the doctor but then i thought their companions mean more to me#sometimes at least. i did have a fourteen icon for a while but then i was like but Donna..... and then i thought. well#these past few months at least martha jones has been eating away at my heart. i go batshit insane when i think about her#her impact. her grace. her power. so she had to go on the list.it was a toss up between her and donna for sure though#then i figured i had to include a karamazov since reading that book took up half of my year. and ivan was my favourite of the 3. so <3#kim goes without saying. literally nothing to be said hes the character Of All Time. to me#stewy also goes without saying ive had so many Stewy Save Me moments since the beginning of season 4 all the way to the end of the year#i miss him every day. he is the moment. i wish there was more of him all the time#and the last one is a bit of a wildcard cos all my insanity abt melshi has been on my andor sideblog.#but rest assured ive been thoroughly Not Normal about him. he literally side appears in 4 episodes and has 11 total minutes onscreen#but i love him. so much. and hes occupied most of my thoughts since september. once again his impact his power his grace. his homosexuality#enough said. that's all. thanks for reading. this was a great year for autism and madness#tag game#🍪
22 notes · View notes
elegyofthemoon · 3 months
Text
shaking excitedly and tiredly
4 notes · View notes
ahaura · 11 months
Text
someday i'd like to commission art of an oc
4 notes · View notes
obsidiannebula · 1 year
Text
Deep into the ninja war in Naruto rn and I've said this a lot while watching it, but I cannot imagine having to watch this as it aired. We've been watching a couple episodes a day and it still feels like this war has been going on fooooorevvvvveeerrrr. Y'all really watched this a little bit at a time over the course of several years? Canonically it takes place over the course of like two days. How did y'all live like that
3 notes · View notes
mntcoronet · 2 years
Text
OH YEA just so y'all know if u notice I'm not very active I've just been really tired recently. including with regards to people-energy so if u message me and I take ages to respond I Do apologise! I have just been going through it this week for some reason. do not know why and do not know when it will end. but please know I am not avoiding anyone out of annoyance, if it makes u feel better I have had trouble even convincing myself to have anything more complex than just chips and a banana for lunch sometimes, so please rest assured I am not ignoring any of u just for the sake of it
11 notes · View notes
ibyul · 2 years
Text
definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today 🥲 I’m grateful overall but there were so many tiny inconveniences and the amt of patience I have rlly ran out 🥴
2 notes · View notes
myriadsystem · 7 days
Text
.
#personal#i dont really know how to talk about this but i am scared. for myself. not for my system but for me and also for my sys#im primary protector. i am the oldest being in this body by time (not by age). i was one of the first created at the bodys 9month old Thing#ive always had a background almost co-con role. not fully cocon but i contribute to a lot of the blur because im always close enough to#the front to be able to step in as quickly as possible if needed. and to give instructions and warnings to whoevers in front and needing it#the last maybe 2 months? 3? ive taken up a more active hosting role in a cycle with 3 others#im really worried that its been happening so much that its impacting my duties as primary protector. im scared the brain has been#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting#i cant see the inner as clearly as i could. i know my girlfriends in there somewhere but reaching out only has like a 12% chance of#getting through when ive spent the last 14 years almost living on top of her as she was the old host.#it feels rough and scary. like i know shes in there i think our gatekeep would tell me if she became dormant even if i was full host so i#i have to belive shes alright in there but i do miss her so bad. i want to know shes okay. i want to hold her#im mostly worried about losing more access to information i used to have and diminishing my use in my protector role as a result#i dont want to be a host. i need to feel like i can talk to my guys and gals and pals with the clarity and communication weve spent the last#4 years building. i feel there are more capable than me to replace me and allow me to step back and resume background-host/protector stuff#they are untrained and unfamiliar with our life but theyre not trauma holders. what do they call those? normal parts? dont like that languag#but they dont have the trauma related issues that some olthers/old hosts do and can be trained in the running of the life#we dont work we dont really leave the house due to agoraphobia so we have the time and space to train a new host#idk what to do#idk where this went i guess this is venting you can ignore it#but i guess the solution is to talk to the one cohost i can still talk with and see if they can do some hiring for me#get them to head in and see if the brain will cooperate to bring someone else out to take my host spot soon#or make one but thats not ideal id prefer to avoid that if we can. but i can feel myself reaching my limits for this#somethings gotta give soon either way#system#although we already have 3 other hosts in roster and several alters created specifically for that hanging out inside too so maybe#maybe things wont crumble if i just decide to step back on my own. if i can. harder to step back when i cant access inner but maybe if i can#then we will survive with the 3
1 note · View note
sameii · 2 months
Text
.
0 notes