#also sorry if this gets rambly I got emotional halfway through and started losing all my composure lol
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Echo & Unshakeable Trust
If we really want to talk about how Echo and trust are intertwined then I think we need to start at The Bad Batch arc of The Clone Wars in season 7. We see pretty clearly that the batch doesn’t trust him, even before they know him. They make snide remarks, doubt him, and are ready to take him down if he crosses them. Hell, they’re sure he’s a traitor. One of the earliest examples of this is when Hunter first claims it’s a trap. He even says they’ll tag along with the mission even just to say ‘I told you so.’ Oh how wrong he was. How wrong they all were.
They venture into Skako to save Echo, following Rex’s intuition and going along with it even if they don’t agree. They go, they’re not trusting about it, but they go. What they find is Echo, being used as the algorithm for the Separatists. Rex has no reason to doubt that this is against Echo’s will but the batch… they’re not so sure.
Echo’s plan to escape through the vents is what saves them from Wat Tambor. They have no choice but to follow his plan, even if they aren’t sure if they can trust him yet. But following along and going with it is what gets them out of there. That doesn’t mean it fixes the doubt. The batch even hesitates before walking across the pipe to escape. They’re still sure he’s screwing them over. They have no idea why Anakin and Rex follow Echo’s plans blindly, even when they’re objectively ridiculous.
Rex trusts him. Always. Every time. When Rex hears Echo’s voice he doesn’t ever doubt that Echo is still alive and on their side. Even in the bad batch season 3 when he’s questioned about whether or not Crosshair gave them all of the information Rex doesn’t doubt that Echo handled it and they have no reason to question that. It’s such a beautiful thing to watch. His faith in Echo has always been unshakable. Just as unshakable as Echo’s faith in himself. At first Rex isn’t sure Echo is battle ready after being rescued; it's never about distrusting Echo, it’s about not being sure he’s ready yet. Has he healed enough? Is he stable enough to pull this off? It’s care, caution, not doubt.
Echo even points that out: ‘I’m not a liability, Rex.’ Mace Windu really had me cheering when he says if Echo has a plan then he’d like to hear it. When Mace asks if Echo is certain he even responds with ‘Absolutely.’ Echo doesn’t doubt himself and he isn’t about to start now. This confidence is something we see from him a lot. From how he plans, how he moves, what he says. He knows he’s good at what he does. It’s so refreshing to watch him be so confident and grow in that confidence as time moves forward.
It’s here we start to really see the batch mistrust Echo. Tech voices this most often, followed by Hunter. Tech isn’t sure of Echo’s plan. He even goes as far as to say that ‘We don’t really know where his loyalties lie.’ You know what’s incredible about this? Rex follows it up with ‘Well, I know.’ Because he does. He doesn’t doubt Echo, has no reason to. The batch, however, isn’t ready for that yet.
When Echo sends all the droids to the assembly complex and successfully shuts them all down is when both Hunter and Tech - the two who were the most vocal about their doubt in him - are ready to accept that Echo is on their side. He isn’t fighting against them, he never has been. They’re ready. Echo has proven himself without ever even really trying to.
Echo: ‘Was there ever any doubt?’ Tech: ‘Some.’
Echo trusts himself totally. He’s been trusted by his squads, by Fives, by Rex, by Cody. Hell, even Anakin, Mace, and Obi-Wan trust him. He’s been surrounded by people who are convinced of his skills. Being confronted by the batch who doesn’t trust him doesn’t even really faze him. He knows his intentions, he doesn’t need to fight their doubt. He just does what he’s always done and he proves himself in his actions. This confidence he has in himself is what carries him through everything and we only see that grow over time. (This post by @phantom-of-the-501st demonstrates how much he’s grown perfectly. Please go read it. It's amazing.)
The batch saw him in action when they first met him, they had their time to doubt, and once Echo had proven to them that he was trustworthy and skilled they’ve trusted him fully ever since then. Hunter trusts him to be his second in command - the mission where they save Gregor comes to mind. He always hears Echo out and usually follows him into nearly certain death even if he doesn’t agree. Hunter trusts his word and he knows he wants only good things for them even when they don’t agree on how to get those good things. I think it’s especially important to note that they do disagree often but that is never cause to accuse the other of something in bad faith. The batch even trusts him to lead them into Kamino, right into enemy territory, when Hunter gets taken at the end of season 1. They follow his lead, listen to him, and know he’s got this. They’d never doubt him. Not for a second. Not now. Not when it’s Echo.
And of course we have this most recent episode, the thing that spurred this all on for me. This episode only solidifies for me that trust is a main thread in Echo’s story. He gets them a ship, has a disguise for Rampart, and he is ready to take on the brunt of their mission when things start to get dicey. Crosshair does say something about how Echo can’t infiltrate the ship alone which I am certain is more about worrying for him than it is doubt in his skillset. Letting Echo go into enemy territory without anyone else is difficult for them but they know he can do it. They always know he can pull it off, even if it’s absolutely ridiculous. When Rampart starts to bad mouth the plan Crosshair is right there with ‘Relax. Echo’s on it.’ I am still absolutely losing it over this line. To see Crosshair go from ‘besides, he’s just a reg’ to his hand on Echo’s shoulder in their first mission after they meet to ‘relax. Echo’s on it.’ That… That makes me so emotional. Of course the plan will work. It’s Echo. He’s got this. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s quick on his feet. It’ll work out. It’s Echo.
To follow that line with Hunter’s ‘Echo will come through. He just needs more time.’ just further solidifies that they wouldn’t doubt him, not anymore. He’s proved time and time again that he’s got this. They’re prepared to go with whatever scheme he proposes. He’s just as bad as them but he’s also got the skillset to back up his chaos. He fits in well.
Echo is a skilled man. He’s an excellent strategist and he gets shit done. The batch has learned to trust him with their lives, as quickly and as unshakable as Rex’s faith in him. I think this is a beautiful thing to have seen over the course of our time with the batch. The batch puts their lives in Echo’s hands more than once and they don’t doubt him. Just like how he doesn’t doubt himself. The people around him trust him because he owns what he says, because he can back his shit up.
It’s rather fitting that the intro quote in the last episode of The Bad Batch arc in The Clone Wars (S7 E4 Unfinished Business) is: Trust placed in another is trust earned. They learned a lot by watching Rex’s unshakeable faith in Echo and they knew that’s something they could do too by the end of their mission together. He proved his chaos, his strategies, and his intellect were invaluable. So much so that they wanted him with them, whatever that was going to look like.
#the bad batch#tbb echo#echo tbb#arc trooper echo#tbb season 3#the bad batch echo#sorry I went all overboard lol#i love him that's it that's the post#I couldn't stop thinking about Echo & trust#he's perfect#he's beauty he's grace#he will punch a droid in the face#or jump on their back and stab them with his scomp whichever is more convenient#I haven't stopped thinking about him ever since I met him#also sorry if this gets rambly I got emotional halfway through and started losing all my composure lol
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“ you were always my maybe, ya know? ‘maybe they’d finally ask me out.’ ‘maybe when i wasn’t the one looking, they were noticing me too.’ i know it’s silly, but. you were always in the back of my mind. ” - Stiles & Jackson
“Okay,” Jackson says as he strolls into Peter’s apartment. “This has gone on long enough.” Stiles freezes with a peanut butter cookie halfway into his mouth and then hastily shoves it, and two more, into his mouth. “What the hell, Stilinski?”
He has to wait for Stiles to finish chewing the wad of cookies in his mouth so he can respond without spraying the crumbs across Peter’s kitchen island and he takes the time to assess the conflicting mass of scents he’s getting from Stiles. There’s a smidge of guilt, one that’s kind of always there ever since the Nogitsune happened so the wolves all just tend to let that one go. It’s almost a baseline anymore, along with being tired and trying to get his ADHD under control with medication, and as strange as it sounds there’s a comfort in knowing it’s there. Over the base guilt is the sharp spike of guilt that came along with the surprise in his scent when Jackson opened the door, most likely the same guilt that for whatever reason made Stiles jam three cookies into his mouth at once. There’s the general scent of male and teenager and pack that soothes Jackson’s nerves even as the scent of teenager and hormones and arousal makes his skin itch.
Overall he just smells like Stiles. Like he’s always smelled ever since Jackson managed to tame the lizard part of his shifting enough to realize that not everyone was an enemy.
“What’s up, Jackson?” Stiles wipes his mouth on his sleeve and Jackson doesn’t even try to stop himself from rolling his eyes.
“Classy.”
“Shut up.” Stiles shifts back and forth a few times and Jackson’s nose twitches as Stiles’ scent turns nervous. A sour kind of nervous. Like waiting for test results or hearing that an officer got hurt on duty and he hasn’t heard from his dad that day. “What did you want? Or need? Or whatever?”
Before Stiles can start rambling about whatever comes to mind — most likely the history of cookies or a specific recipe that Stiles found for the cookies he’s eating after he had originally been looking for information on rugarus or something — Jackson leans against the island opposite from Stiles and lets out a breath.
“This has gone on long enough.”
Stiles laughs nervously. “What has? Me eating cookies alone in Peter’s apartment?”
“You avoiding me. You hiding away in Peter’s apartment. You pretending that we haven’t spent literal hours talking to each other on the phone when we can’t sleep. You sending me to voicemail instead of answering.” Stiles’ eyes are growing wider with each sentence out of his mouth and this wasn’t quite the way he had planned on this going but now that he’s started talking Jackson can’t seem to make himself stop. “You suddenly acting like you’re not the closest thing to a best friend I have anymore.” He takes a deep breath. “And me acting like it’s not killing me to lose you.”
Stiles just stares at him, so still that if it wasn’t for the fact Jackson can hear his heart beating wildly in his chest he would think Stiles had been turned to stone or something. He has no idea what to do now. Whatever he had planned on saying, whatever he had planned on doing once he opened the door, it’s all lost now. Buried under the pile of words he’d just dropped to the ground at Stiles’ feet.
“I don’t know when it happened for sure. I never imagined the day that you lured me into the back of your jeep under the pretense we were all going out for Thai food so you could actually break in here that I would be here some day. That I would feel better when I could see you. That your scent would bring me more comfort than my favorite food. That knowing you — and Boyd and Erica and Peter but you especially — were okay would be the most important thing on my mind in a fight. But it happened. It happened and you’re the cause of it and the fact you’re also the one pulling all of that out of my hands is… I can’t even describe it. But it sucks so much.”
Stiles licks his lips and takes a few breaths, eyes darting around like there might be something in the apartment to use as a distraction. But then his shoulders drop and he leans heavily against the island and meets Jackson’s gaze.
“I was in love with Lydia forever. Everyone knows that.” He has no idea where this is going but he nods because everyone did know that. Stiles did not make it a secret at all. “I teased and poked and flirted with Danny. Even though I knew it would never go anywhere. Even if I was attractive to gay men he made it clear I wasn’t attractive to him. Which is fine. I dated Malia for a bit. Even managed to go out a couple times with Lydia. You know all of this.” He nods again. “But through all of that you were there. You’ve been an asshole. A jerk. A typical high school bully. But you’ve also saved my ass more times than I can count. You’ve talked me down from panic attacks and helped me rewrite my college essays when my computer crashed and I lost them all the day before they were due. So no matter who else I might have looked at you were there. And, well.” Stiles takes a deep, deep breath and lets it out so slowly it feels like time stops. “You were always my maybe, you know? Like. Maybe he’ll finally ask me out. Maybe when I wasn’t busy looking at him, he was finally noticing me. Just. Yeah. I know it’s silly but it was you. You were always in the back of my mind.”
“So what’s with all of this?” he asks when he finally processes all of Stiles’ words. “What’s with the wallowing and pouting and acting like talking to me physically pains you?”
“Because it does! Knowing that I’m talking to my best friend and he’s never going to be anything but my best friend sucks so much because I love you!”
“Yeah, so? I love you too, idiot! Why do you think it’s pissing me off so much that you’ve stopped talking to me?”
Stiles stares at him, eyes wide, and Jackson takes a deep breath and can’t help but notice the sharp scent of nervousness. Not the sickly sour smell that makes his wolf want to curl around Stiles and protect him but the sharp sweet one that makes him think of things like Stiles managing to sneak off with Peter’s keys and copy them in secret and Erica showing up with Stiles’ favorite brownies and the smile on his face when Sheriff Stilinski claps any of them on the shoulder and tells them he’s proud of them for something.
“You love me?”
Jackson shakes his head. “Of course I love you,” he sighs. “I wouldn’t put up with so much of your shit if I didn’t, Stilinski.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not exactly the poster child of normal, healthy emotions, Whittemore, so shut up and come over here and kiss me or something.”
“Sorry, man. I don’t kiss my friends.” Stiles narrows his eyes at Jackson. “I’ll only kiss my girlfriend. Or boyfriend.”
“Then get your ass over here, boyfriend, and kiss me.”
“You asking me on a date, Stilinski?”
“I’m asking you on all the dates, Whittemore. From now ‘til forever and all that shit.”
Jackson slides around the island and pulls Stiles into his arms. “I think I can handle that,” he whispers as Stiles’ eyes flutter shut.
“Good,” Stiles whispers back.
The Invaders (6 new messages)
Peter: [IMG]
Peter: Can someone tell me why Stiles and Jackson are in my kitchen making out?
Peter: Why does my apartment have to smell like teenage hormones all the time?
Erica: !!!!!! GO STILES!!!!
Erica: hey at least if it smells like teenage hormones it doesn’t smell like teenage angst
Vernon: For Now.
#teen wolf#stackson#stiles stilinski#jackson whittemore#the invaders#prompt#cattatonically#wolfy writing
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Jealousy. (request)
I was wondering if I could send in a request for a Farah Dowling x female student( legal age of course) this is my first time requesting for her so it’s a bit cliche and simple but would you be able to do a fix where Farah gets jealous of the reader like someone flirts with the reader and Farah gets very riled up and is even cold but she softens at the sight of reader and there’s a lot of sexual and emotional tension and eventually there’s a confrontation and feelings come to light? ♥️
I hope you like it sweetheart:) And I am so so sorry for the long wait !! (It’s probably not quite what you wanted but I tried???)
for @suckerformadamsatan ✨
Alfea was a wonderful new opportunity for a new start and you integrated well in your first couple of months. It had been strange at first, you just found out that you’re a fairy and the next logical step was to bring you to Alfea. Though it was strange for a while, you adapted pretty quickly. Farah Dowling, the Headmistress, mesmerized you from the very beginning. Her whole presence radiated power and even though you thought that she wasn’t very fond of you, you were proven wrong one particular day.
The sun was swallowed by thick layers of grey clouds, which seemed to have a lot of water saved in them. It was almost certain that the whole otherworld; Solaria, wouldn’t have a dry spot in a few hours. You spent your break in the cafeteria, listening to Bloom, Terra and Aisha talk about some big stuff coming up. You were distracted by Farah, who was talking to Saul on the other side of the room. She looked beautiful, flawless. You wanted to get up and kiss her right in front of all the people. But it was inappropriate, highly. Also, she wouldn’t even feel the same and be embarrassed about the whole thing. What you didn’t know was that Farah did take a liking to you. She felt drawn to you and every time you were focusing on your magic in class, she couldn’t take her eyes off of you.
It was a strange feeling in the woman’s gut, she had never dared to fall for a student. She swore to compose herself and be careful with her looks.
You fantasized about how her hand would feel on your hips, holding you close. It was top secret, though you always could tell Musa, you didn’t allow yourself to think about her when you spent time with your friend. As hard as it was, you managed to store your thought deep down in your brain, unable to read them for everyone around you.
The room was filled with a hint of thyme. Everybody seemed to be chatting or eating their lunch, so you felt safe to dedicate some of your thoughts to the woman in the corner. Farah’s hair was done up in a way you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around. „What do you think about it?” Aisha’s voice tore you out of your state. You had no clue what she was talking about, so you just stared at her with big eyes. „Y/n, did you even listen?” Terra asked, eating her last piece of potatoes on her plate. „No, I’m sorry could you repeat it maybe?”
„We were thinking about going to the party tonight and we were wondering if you’d join us,” the earth fairy energetically repeated and was expecting a yes. Since you weren’t really much of a party girl, you had to politely decline. Big crowds, loud music; never was your thing, never will be.
The bell rang and a bunch of people made their way to the classrooms. Bloom and Terra didn’t bother to move, while Aisha shoved pieces of apples in her mouth. A tap on your shoulder made you avert your gaze from the leaving students and made you focus on the person who wished for your attention. In front of you appeared a tall guy, brown curly hair. „Can I help you?” you raised an eyebrow. You had never seen him before. „I’m Brian,” he cleared his throat, „I watched you for some time.” His eyes widened when he realized what he’d just said, „I didn’t mean it that way, I just find you entrancing and I wanted to ask if you’d like to go to the party with me tonight.”
You gulped, you hated telling people off. You were sure what you wanted and what you didn’t but sometimes you failed to communicate it correctly. Moments of silence lingered in the air and you felt the stares of the girls on you. It was awkward, to say the least. „I’m sorry…” you forgot his name. „Brian,” he added seeing that his name wasn’t present in your head. „I’m sorry Brian but I don’t really like to party that much so,” you weren’t sure if that was convincing enough. He nodded. Since you wanted to escape this awkward tension as quickly as possible you got up from the chair, gathered your things, and were about to rush out of the cafeteria. Not even halfway through the door, you got held back by a hand on your wrist. It was him again. You internally rolled your eyes but kept a friendly face. „How about we just go for a walk then, in the moonlight?” his voice was soaked with sugar.
If you had been at a loss of words you could’ve stopped him from rambling on. „And I can pick you up at nine and we could also have dinner before.” Slightly, you shook your head before you found the right words, „I think you’re a good guy, but I’m just not into guys you know? So no, I don’t think I’d like to do this.” A sad expression spread on his face but he seemed to acknowledge it. The boy turned around and quickly walked away. It must’ve been awful for him, you thought to yourself. Still, you made your way out of the cafeteria to head for your next class.
You saw the last few students in the hallway scurry to their rooms when a hand on your shoulder made you stop immediately. It has to be that Brian guy again.
—♡︎
Farah watched the whole thing happen from her position and she felt her blood boil from the scene that was offered. It took her a long time to figure out what was going on, every time the older fairy saw you; something in her stomach twirled (in a good way). Brian seemed to be persistent although she could see that you clearly didn’t enjoy his presence, Farah felt a hint of jealousy creeping up in her. She wanted to be the one asking you out, holding your hand. She let Saul talk without showing him a hint of interest. When she saw you rushing out of the room, the fairy saw an opportunity.
—♡︎
„God Brian, didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?” it was almost anger that filled your voice. As you turned around, you almost choked on your own saliva. Her features weren’t easy to read, you had no idea what she was thinking. The little wrinkles around her eyes were soon gone when she unclenched her jaw. „In my office!” It almost scared you, have you been that rude just now? Nonetheless, you followed her, looking down on your feet. Arriving at her office, the older fairy pulled you inside almost hectic if you hadn’t known better.
Farah had both of her arms braced on her hips, inspecting every little detail of you as if she had never done that before. „What have I done?” you asked shyly not knowing what trouble you now caused. „Actually…” Farah began and hesitated, „nothing?” It was remarkable that not even the headmistress knew what was going on. „So am I allowed to leave?” no doubt you enjoyed her presence but that was awkward. While waiting for an answer, you studied your surroundings. A huge wooden desk stood in the middle of the room, paperwork, pencils, and other things you couldn’t quite make out covered the top. The room was barely agleam, only a thin ray of sun threw a slight light in the room. A few lit scented candles took the job and made the room glow in a crimson-like shade.
„I have to confess something,” Farah’s voice sounded almost as if she was afraid. As if the whole situation wasn’t weird enough, she had to confess something…? Her eyes scanned you for approval before she just went on. The fairy turned around to now face the wall. „Well,” the woman drew in a long breath, „I was jealous?” It sounded like a question. „About what?” that was quicker than you had intended to. Her head quickly jolted in your direction. Silence between the two of you settled again. Realization hit just a couple of seconds after, it was about what happened with Brian. „He was flirting with you and I- I just…” she stuttered. Farah’s features softened when she saw the slight smile tugging on your lips. You walked over to her, thinking about if this was right twice, and took her hands in yours. A delicate smile graced her lips and that was when you knew it was mutual. Farah’s right hand went up to your face to cup your cheek, she pulled your face closer until her lips landed on yours. The kiss was in sync, it felt unreal; like heaven.
What you didn’t know was that Farah had spent nights thinking about you, thinking about what could go wrong. She had scolded herself for having those feelings for a student. At that moment every doubt was forgotten. She had lightly pushed you against her desk, letting her hands roam around on your body. Of all the times you stood close to her you never realized how heavenly she smelt, like a field of lavender.
—♡︎
It didn’t take long until the two of you became inseparable, you spent almost every minute with her (except when you had to be in class). You knew she could easily get jealous. Every time someone talked to you, she had this look on her face that made your heart skip a beat. She was so afraid of losing you to someone younger than her. The little „I love you.”’s before you went to sleep every night, they reassured her that you wouldn’t leave.
#sapphic#fanfiction#fanfic#farah dowling x reader#farah dowling#fate the winx saga#eve best#gay#love is love#wlw ship#wlw love#x reader imagines#fluff#angsty#middle aged actresses
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Close to you (5/7)
Everyone walks on
To meet just one person someday
---
As Seiya enjoyed his small breakfast in front of the televised morning news, he then limped his way toward the closed bedroom door after hearing a knock. He opened it to the sight of Serenity standing there with a solemn expression, hugging her crystal touchpad to her chest.
“Morning… um… do you have a few minutes?”
“Of course, your highness.” He backed up to open the door wider for her to enter, bowing as she passed by.
He closed the door as Serenity made her way toward the bed and sat. She placed the touchpad next to her, her movements slow and almost robotic.
“I’m sorry the latest hit was another false positive.”
He shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m sure there will be more.”
There was a pause before she decided to keep up with the niceties. “How’s your leg?”
“It’s fine. The doctor this morning said it was looking good. I’ve been able to move for a few hours without the cane the last couple of days”
She nodded. “Good.” As much as she tried to smile, the air hung heavy around her, causing Seiya to feel nervous. He felt the imminence of bad news and his mind jumped to being kicked out of the palace or completely off the planet. They both allowed the silence to slowly suffocate them, each one afraid to break it first, but Seiya couldn’t take it anymore.
“Is everything okay, your highness?”
She looked up, biting into her lips and her eyes glistening. “Um… I think so… but maybe not. It’s not up to me.”
Even more confused than he was before, he joined her on the bed. “What is it?”
Unable to bring herself to look at him quite yet, she sighed for the strength to get on with it.
“I’m sorry I waited to tell you this… I wanted to be sure before I talked to you… It took so long because I had to reach out to other planets to make sure what I had was right…”
He shook his head as it was spinning with all kinds of scenarios from her obscure rambling.
Her cerulean eyes finally worked up the courage to look into his dark blues. “Kinmoku is destroyed.”
Those three words hit Seiya like a vacuum, sucking out all the thoughts and feelings from his mind and body, rendering his expression unreadable and his movements frozen.
Serenity grabbed his hand and placed it in her lap in efforts to comfort him.
“The first night when we talked and I was looking it up, I noticed it had an uninhabited status, which is why I assumed you were a refugee. But then at the parade, when you told me your plans were to go back, I—” She used the back of her finger to wipe away a tear. “My heart just sank. You didn’t know and I would have to be the one to tell you. But I had to make sure my information was correct because that’s your home…”
Seiya’s eyes were fixated on his grip on Serenity’s hand, which only got tighter.
“I’m so sorry, Seiya. If you want to see for yourself…” She picked up the crystal pad, unlocking it to reveal it already displaying the referenced information on Kinmoku before holding it out for him.
With a slight unwillingness, he accepted the device, reading and scrolling through the database meant only for a queen’s eyes.
He shook his head in denial. “I don’t understand. We would check out information on Kinmoku whenever we got the chance and never saw anything like this. We would send out messages with no answer, but we just thought the farther we were, the slower the responses would be…” He trailed off as his mind became distracted seeing keywords like, ‘unsustainable,’ ‘high death toll,’ or ‘military training base.’
“With the inhabited universe being so vast, a lot of planets are slow at receiving information. Or they don’t have the resources to keep up. But also, a lot of stuff is classified for some reason. I know I sometimes have to double-check things with other places. But… the planets that are considered the most trusted had the same information as me.”
Seiya tossed the pad to the side and rested his eyes on the base of his palms as if to push the tears back in. “Fuck. What are we gonna do?”
Fighting the urge to pull his hands away from his face, while it felt wrong to only sit there and do nothing, Serenity’s hands gently slid over his arms and around his back as she rested her chin on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Seiya. I’m so sorry you had to find out like this.”
He welcomed the affection, wrapping his arms around the royal waist and pulling her closer for him to bury his face in the crook of her neck. She soon felt his warm tears falling on her skin.
“It’s okay… it’s not…” His voice was too shaky to continue talking in his attempt to try to hold back from screaming.
“I know you need some time to think and talk about it with the others, but you’re more than welcome to stay here with… us. In the palace…” The emotions of her heart gave her away while the supposed logic of her mind was only helping them. “And even if you have to leave to continue finding your princess, we can be your home base. As long as she’s out there, and with whatever happens after that, I will do everything I can to help you.”
With a sniffle, Seiya pulled back to wipe his face. “Thank you, Serenity. You’re so kind.” There was a considerable pause for him to lose the strength of his composure and submit to the heaving sobs.
She allowed her tears of sympathy to fall as she squeezed his shoulders. “Are you okay, Seiya? Do you want me to leave you alone?”
He shook his head. “Not really.”
She nodded. “Okay, I’ll stay.” Her pale fingers then threaded through his loose dark locks to push them out of his face and behind his ear before she guided his head back to her neck. And then ever so gently, she guided his body with hers to lay down on the bed.
Slowly, as they became wordless and emotionally exhausted, the lulls of random sniffles and sobbing turned into silence and blanketed them to sleep.
A couple of hours later, Serenity found herself the first to wake, her chin being tickled by the flyaways of Seiya’s hair as her hand still gripped his shoulder. His face lay only a couple of inches from her chest while his arm rested in the dip of her waist.
Carefully, she shifted to rest on her back while placing Seiya’s arm on his side, relishing moving onto a fresh, cool spot on the bed and being able to stretch her body. It didn’t take long for her movements to cause Seiya to stir, starting his wakeup process with a yawn.
“Hey.” Serenity smiled before having to yawn herself.
He rubbed his puffy eyes and returned the smile. “Hey.”
“How are you?”
“I’m okay.”
“Good.”
“What time is it?”
She then looked to the television that was still going on low volume, the news now turned into a morning talk show.
“I guess… maybe almost lunchtime.” And right on cue, her stomach rumbled.
He tittered. “Your stomach says it is lunchtime.”
“That’s only because I missed my morning snack.” She playfully whined as she hugged her tummy.
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. I wasn’t going to leave you alone.”
“Did you have anything important this morning?”
“Yes—that’s why I’m here.”
Seiya smiled while his eyes peered at the queen with both innocence and allure.
“What they say when they call you Queen Odango… is that your odangos are stuffed with love and justice…” As he touched both of her buns with a single finger for both descriptive words, he watched her blush appear over her nose and cheeks. His digit then moved to rest on her head.
“…and in here, some barbecue pork.”
Serenity’s jaw dropped in humored outrage before grabbing his hand. “You’re so rude!”
The laugh that came from him sounded pure and sincere, indicative of a person in pain finding true happiness in the moment.
“I’m sorry, I’m still thinking about those dumplings from the parade. They were so good.”
“Well, be nice to me or I’ll have them blacklist you.”
“Hmm, okay, they weren’t that good…”
When she went to push on his shoulder to get him to stop his teasing, she became aware that their hands were still grasping and their fingers now interlaced. It seemed that he had just noticed too, as she watched his face soften in realization. And yet, none of them made any movements to release one another.
After some time staring, silently agreeing that they wanted the same thing, Seiya moved closer to take her lips captive with his own.
---
As Serenity slipped through the door and closed it behind her, she took a few steps down the hallway before passing by a voice.
“I know that dress.”
She jumped halfway to the ceiling before realizing Rei was leaning against the wall a few feet away.
“That was the dress you wore to your anniversary with Endymion last year,” the fire guardian cocked an eyebrow. “For your private dinner in your chambers. I remember it took you weeks to decide on it.”
Serenity rubbed down on the garment as if to brush out its wrinkles. “Well… it’s… so pretty. Can I not wear it twice?”
Shaking her head, Rei stood up straight. “I came here about thirty minutes ago looking for you. The king has tried calling you this morning… twice. But you sounded busy.”
Her shoulders dropped, the color of her face gone, yet with glowing red cheeks. She knew she was caught. “Rei, I—… that—… we—… he’s just…”
“Kind of irresistible? I know.” She twisted her mouth into a smile and stepped slowly toward the bumbling queen. “It’s okay, Serenity. You don’t owe me an explanation… at least for now. I’ll give you time to think of one.”
Still too shocked to really speak or figure out exactly what Rei was thinking, Serenity sighed instead. Rei then threaded her arm through hers in a motion of support and began to lead her highness down the hallway.
“I mean, if we're all immortal, boredom is inevitable. Just didn’t think it would have hit you after only four years.”
“I don’t… I don’t know what that was. It just happened. I went in there to tell him about Kinmoku—”
“Ah yes, grief: the greatest aphrodisiac.”
“He was just so sad and… defeated. I couldn’t leave him.”
“And couldn’t not sleep with him?”
“I don’t know, Rei. We just knew that’s what we wanted… and it just happened.”
Approaching the front door, both women stopped to face each other.
Rei crossed her arms. “So is that why you gave him his own cottage—so you’d be able to scream as loud as you wanted just in case?”
Serenity formed a bubble in her mouth, trying not to laugh, but it only came out as suppressed raspberries. Rei also found herself unable to keep in her own giggling.
---
---
Please note if you would like to follow this story, I will be updating the rest of the chapters under the tag: hanabean close to you and other iterations of the spacing. I love you all!
#hana bean close to you#hanabeanclosetoyou#hanabean close to you#hana-bean close to you#seiya usagi fanfiction#seiya kou fanfiction#seiya x usagi 4eva#seiya x usagi fanfiction#seiya x usagi
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I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.
Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol
This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.
But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;
I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.
Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.
I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.
Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.
The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.
Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.
I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.
I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.
Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."
I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.
Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.
Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.
Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.
So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.
Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.
Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."
So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"
oh my god the guilt i felt.
alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"
bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.
I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."
Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.
But like.
Oh my god.
Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.
But the second i saw mettaton ex
I was like
"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."
Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.
At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.
Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.
Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.
I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.
When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)
Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.
I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.
But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."
I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.
So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.
So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.
Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.
So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.
I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.
Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.
Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.
Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.
Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.
I was very excited when I beat Sans.
But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.
I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.
When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.
I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.
I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.
After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;
Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.
But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.
Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.
A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.
And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?
I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.
I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...
But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.
Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.
And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.
All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.
It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.
What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."
Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.
Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.
Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.
Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."
Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.
Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.
Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.
Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.
Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.
I...
Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.
And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.
That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO
But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao
#zircon rambles#a lot#lol#its very long im sorry#i spent way too long writing this too#also please don't reblog this
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Finding Home
A/N: HIIIIIII IM BACK BOIS! Anyways this is a shorter chapter I didn’t wanna mess with outline so you get tiny chapter. sooo woot woot for like barely 2k words? But like the doc im writing this on is at like 19k and 29 pages i am in shock. trying to get back a consistent updating with this so uh yeah dont keep your hopes up tho- working on ch. 7 rn hope you enjoy! As always betaed by the glorious @bookwyrminspiration
words: 2208
tw: none
wattpad ao3
Chapter 6: These Secrets Stain Us Red
They had gotten off the bus at the last stop before Kull, stepping out into the cold air. Sophie glanced at the trees in the distance turning orange and yellow. Distantly, she remembered when she was younger this was her favorite season, how the leaves would fall and crunch at her feet, and how it was actually somewhat bearable to be outside. She smiled at the memory as she held Linh’s hand, walking quickly to the gas station, her stomach already grumbling.
“Linh?” a voice called from behind them as they stood in line. Linh swung around, trying to find the source of who called her, nearly startling Sophie into almost dropping her water. The mystery person stepped out from behind a small cluster of people with an overly energetic wave. “Linh! It is you!” he called.
Sophie watched as Linh’s eyes landed on the man and her whole expression shifted. As opposed to the man’s own happiness, Linh seemed to put a wall between her real emotions and the rest of the world, her face betraying nothing. “Hey, Sameul!” Linh said in pretend excitement; Sophie knew that her words carried an undertone of malice.
This Sameul was not the man Sophie had seen in the memories, but from Linh’s reaction, he seemed to probably be involved in whatever Linh was in.
“That’s me,” Sameul responded, clearly not getting Linh’s annoyance like Sophie was. “Geez, it’s been what, how many months since I last saw you?”
“Yeah it’s been a while,” Linh said, her shoulders rigid and her jaw set. Who the heck is this guy? she thought. Their name was called and Sameul followed them to go pick up their food. Sophie tried not to feel trapped with the way Linh’s eyes darted.
Sameul smiled ruefully, “Last time I saw you you had a little backpack and were running out the door in the middle of the night.” Linh took in a sharp breath and stuttering to a halt, her tray of food almost dropping. Sophie raised her eyebrows, more confused than ever. There was a beat then a sharp ring interrupted the weighted silence and Linh’s eyes widened with relief.
“Oh Sam, I’m sorry, that’s her sister calling. She’s really gotta take that. Why don’t you come with me?” Linh asked, more of a command than a suggestion. Reluctantly, Sophie pressed accept on her phone, ready to unleash the crazy whirlwind of shit that she had found out on one completely unprepared Amy. “What up checking in blame Tina she was worried,” Amy said, boredom concealing her concern.
“Uhuh sure Tina was worried,” Sophie chuckled. “Anyways, Linh is being super suspicious.”
Amy made a startled noise, “O-okay then so not well.”
Sophie nodded even though Amy couldn’t see her, “Yup, also uh side note, totally did not watch another one of her memories.” “Sophie! It’s like you’re trying to do it on purpose!”
“It was an accident I swear!”
“Mhm, yeah, definitely.”
Sophie grumbled, “Oh screw off. Anyway, I was in this bathroom and her knuckles were all bloody like she had punched something. And then this guy came in and said that she wasn’t allowed to be reckless anymore, but from what I saw it was like she was living with some other runaway people I guess?”
Amy was silent for a moment. “Well damn.”
“Yeah,” Sophie agreed. “You shoulda seen her when this guy recognized her while we were getting food; she got like scary tense and for a moment I thought she was gonna water power him.” “Water power him? Really? That’s what you’re calling it?” Amy said. Sophie could practically hear her raising her eyebrow. “At that point just call it water bending.”
“I refuse to call it that.”
“How dare you; you’ve disrespected our childhood.” Sophie laughed. “But seriously,” Amy continued, and she knew she wasn’t going to like what she was going to say next, “Soph, what happened to telling her about the memories? Instead, you just spied more.” “She’s the one with the sketchy past!”
“That you don’t have any right to!”
“She’s been weird and I need to figure out why. Once I do I’ll tell her everything.”
“No, you don’t need to figure it out yourself! You need to talk to her and she will tell you if she’s ready to.” “Don’t tell me what to do Amy. She lied to me. The first night we were together we talked about how we got here and she lied to me like it never happened.”
“This isn’t war Sophie. Just because you’re scared, just because she lied doesn’t mean you get to invade her privacy. She’s not the enemy Sophie, she’s your girlfriend.”
Sophie hung up and her phone buzzed twice more while she watched Linh walk back over to her. This wasn’t Amy’s problem, this wasn’t Amy’s life, so screw her for trying to tell her what to do. She had the abilities and she was sure as hell going to use them. “Sam left,” Linh said with a clearly fake smile. “Said he should probably get back on the bus and didn’t want to intrude.”
At that Sophie raised an eyebrow, she didn’t need to use her telepathy to know it was a lie.
Stepping on the bus felt like placing the weight of the world on her shoulders. She knew that man was something to Linh, or Linh was something to him; maybe he was what Linh was running from. She didn’t have regrets when she reached carefully out to Sameul’s mind and glanced at what he said to Linh. Maybe she should’ve regretted it, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She needed to know, when she had left the Lost Cities it was her way of saying “I will not be lied to even if it seems better that way”. So much had been kept from her and here she was, getting things from the source instead of waiting for someone to tell her.
The words, “You haven’t changed Linh,” rang in her ears as she pulled back, not letting any emotions show on her face as Linh followed behind her. Linh didn’t say anything so Sophie didn’t say anything and they settled into a tense silence as the bus around them buzzed with noise. Sophie tried to think of something to say as the words played on repeat in her head but Linh beat her to it.
“You never told me much about Mari, about what she means to you,” Linh said. Each word seemed rehearsed as if she had said it in her head a thousand times before speaking the words into existence. “I didn’t know you cared,” Sophie responded quickly before she could think it through.
“Tell me about Mari?” Linh asked softly.
Despite what Sophie was hiding from Linh and what Linh was hiding from her, she couldn’t stop herself from talking. The words may have meant nothing as she rambled on about her life there, only meant to be a distraction, but she let them spill from her lips without hesitation. She talked of Tommy, Angie, and Mari, of her weekly game nights, of the regulars at the diner. The people she had come to love yet when the time came she didn’t hesitate to leave ‘cause she was scared. Scared of the permanence of it, scared she’d lose herself in the dream of it. And how when she burned those bridges all she felt was a gaping hole in herself. As she talked she thought of the people she had left in the Lost Cities; how she burned it all like she had when she was young and reckless and angry burning her mark, the moonlark, into the ground desperate to prove something, desperate to mean something. But now she was afraid of that, tearing everything to shreds, burning it to ashes because she didn’t know how to mean something to someone. She thought of what Amy had said and briefly wondered if she would ever be able to just talk about something instead of treating everything as a mystery she was destined to solve. Eventually, her words lulled Linh to sleep and she let out a soft sigh of contentment as she laid her head on Sophie’s shoulder. Sophie glanced at Linh, only allowing herself a quick look at her girlfriend’s soft and relaxed face before staring out the window watching the gravel pass, not allowing herself time for her guilt and sadness to rise. She wasn’t allowed those feelings. With every fiber of herself Sophie dreaded and couldn’t wait for the moment they stepped off of the bus into Kull, the town with as weird of a name as people.
An hour later, as the sun started to fall behind the trees and the sky began to turn dark, that moment came and Sophie found her entire body filled with anxiety. They made their way to the front, Sophie in front of Linh, her hand stretched behind her holding Linh’s hand like a lifeline.
They were the only ones getting off and within seconds they were left standing on the dirt road, the bus was long gone. The air was cold, and the wind blew lightly, tossing around Sophie’s ponytail. Neither spoke to the other, standing in silence, staring at the buildings in front of them. It felt like they’d break a spell if they moved, if they talked, so Sophie didn’t. But Linh did (a spell didn’t need to last an eternity in her mind, just for the moment that it was intended for). Linh squeezed Sophie’s hand three times, dragging her out of her haze to stare at Linh confused.
“It’s a human thing,” Linh said sheepishly. Distantly Sophie remembered Amy teaching her, three squeezes, “I love you”. Four squeezes back and Sophie had said, “I love you too.” She didn’t have time to think if it was a lie because with that she started walking, entirely on autopilot, the familiar route to Mari’s house ingrained in her mind. It was after hours, so there’d be no point going to the diner. So she dragged Linh down main street, taking a left about halfway down, and then it was another block til she found herself outside the door on the white porch of the bright mobile home with her whole body buzzing. It was almost too much to be there; staring at it again it was like nothing had changed. But something had, because she didn’t have a key, and so she knocked with all of the impulsive courage she had left.
Three rapid knocks.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five seconds.
The door opened with a creak.
It wasn’t Mari.
There was a man, about her height, hair pulled in a bun and silver bangs over glasses. He was familiar, why was he familiar? Linh drew in a harsh breath of air and squeezed Sophie’s hand as tight as she could. That was when the puzzle pieces fell into place. That’s when it all made sense. The man standing in front of her was someone she hadn’t seen in two years other than in the memories she had unrightfully stolen from him. The man standing in front of her, still with his signature silver, was Tam Song.
Amy’s phone buzzed next to her, pulling her away from rereading her homework question for the eight time. Ever since Sophie’s call and her following silence Amy couldn’t focus; she tried to distract herself, and pulled herself away from texting Linh and telling her everything Sophie had told her. It’s not my place, she would think. It’s not part of the plan. Her phone unlocked and she slowly processed the photo and message. It was a picture of Sophie leaning her back against the gas station with her hand holding her phone to her ear. It was just like her co-conspirators to be that dramatic they had to send a photo too.
-Operation Collect the Dumbasses-
Braincell Holder: You know we heard that call.
Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: I thought we said that I would start this conversation?
No Thoughts Head Empty: Yeah well you took too long.
Braincell Holder: Not the Point.
The Mental Stability: And the Point?
This felt too pointed, Amy thought. Way too pointed and directed at her. Her phone buzzed again.
Braincell Holder: Having second thoughts?
Only slightly, Amy thought, but no no this needed to happen.
The Mental Stability: No
Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: Thank the fucking ancients we can move on
No Thoughts Head Empty: We’ve got a Phase 3 to begin
Phase 3, which they already had planned, would be the hardest to set up. Everything had to be just the right timing and just the right place.
Incoming call from Braincell Holder
Amy smiled as she accepted the call and long red hair popped into the frame. “Where is she?” Amy asked.
The redhead grinned, “She’ll be here in a minute, you know how Mrs. Sparkly Justice is; she’s got meetings but she said she’s got a friend who wants to help.”
Amy smiled, their little band of conspirators and their plan was working better than she could’ve imagined.
“So,” Amy said, “Where do we start?”
#appologies for italics i missed#tumblr was being shitty and i wasn't gonna do it all#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#amy foster#sophie foster#kotlc fic#kotlc fan fic#solinh#tam song#finding home#tater writes#kotlc sophie#kotlc amy#kotlc linh#kotlc tam
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Fate and Fortune
A Lesson in Probability
Part 11.5
Here’s Part 11 but you can read all the previous parts in the fate and fortune tag
So this is not plot relevant at all but this is a pretty explanatory way of understanding Vera’s stand as well as Vera and Polnareff getting to know one another a bit better.
Moots: @fyre23 and @risottoneroo
Basically gambling and rambling, enjoy. (Also no proofreading- today I die like a dumbass)
Vera tapped on Polnareff’s shoulder, slipping on her earrings as she waited for him to wake up. He blinked up sleepily at her in disbelief. His gaze shot over to the alarm clock on the bedside table.
“Come on, we’re going gambling.” Was all she said before she moved to the door where a suit for a particularly large gentlemen was ‘accidentally’ delivered to his door.
“Midnight? Vera, what are you-“
She laid the suit down on the foot of the bed- switching on the bedside table light. “Polnareff, we’re in Dubai- the casinos here are immaculate. Please? I promise I can make you win some SERIOUS cash.”
He looked at her, slack jaw in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”
“We’re leaving tomorrow and it’s still a conservative country so I couldn’t go on my own even if my age allowed it- I’m begging you.” She folded her hands in front of her in feigned pleading.
And after he shook himself awake from what she actually guessed was disbelief, he got up. “Alright, alright.”
“Thanks, the taxi will be here in half an hour.” Was all she announced before disappearing into the bathroom where she was putting on make up. The last swipe of red lipsticks on her lips had just been applied when Polnareff’s gentle knock came from the other side of the door.
Her hand wrapped around the door knob and opened to the fully dressed Polnareff. “Oh I do have to applaud myself, I guessed your size pretty well, didn’t I?”
Polnareff fiddled angrily with his loose bow tie, “Why didn’t you take any of the others?”
She moved in, taking over tying his bow tie. “Because the others- as much as Jotaro’s poker face would have been useful- would have snitched on me to Mr Joestar. And Mr Joestar wouldn’t approve of this because well-“ she shrugged. “I’m not done with school yet and already raising hell.”
“Ah I see- you think I’ll keep quiet.”
She only shot him a glance as she was finishing swiping off any lint from his shoulders. “Not necessarily- you’re kind of impulsive and this is impulsive so I figured you’d simply understand.”
With an encouraging pat on the arm she moved past him. “I’m going down for the taxi and a smoke break while you finish freshening up. She was on her way to the door when her feet stopped and she turned back. “Speaking of cigarettes...?”
“Top drawer on the left.”
“Thank you.”
Vera admitted that more than anything, she wished she had a better grip on this guy. Sure, his misadventures gave her a chuckle occasionally but the way he bounced back from grave situations made her ponder if he ever felt anything. If he didn’t- it was somewhat a cause of concern.
She took her ID out about halfway to the casino and used Fortune to change her birthdate.
Polnareff leaned in closer to watch the number blur and reamaterialize like a vision clearing itself. “Now how does luck have the ability to do that?”
“Printing mistake.”
He blinked at her. “You’re going to have to elaborate.”
“Simply put, Polnareff- there’s a small chance that my ID got misprinted, past the quality check and then got sent to me in the mail. The probability was highly unlikely but so is most of the stuff Fortune can make happen.”
The wheels in Polnareff’s head seemed to click and place and he let out a long ohhh.
“So- I’m guessing your stand has always been able to make such specific probabilities come true?”
“Oh not at all-“ she handed the security her clutch purse and her ID, standing to let them pat her down before ‘eagerly’ returning to Polnareff’s side. “There was once a time when I just hoped for the first card from a deck to be a chosen suit. Now, however,” she started leading him towards the chip exchange. “Now I can have Fortune predict and adjust the entire deck.”
She had Polnareff slide in a clip of money- her entire savings- as a total of £3000.
“Starting small, tonight?” The man behind the counter asked as he brought out the chips.
Polnareff seemed appalled at the idea that 3K was a small start but Vera jumped in instead. “It’s just a casual evening for us- we’re traveling in the morning.”
“Are you sure about this?” Polnareff asked, the worry evident on his face. “This is a lot of money you might lose completely.”
“Unlikely- you’ll just have to trust me.” Was all she said as she moved towards the blackjack tables first.
They were offered Champaign by a passing waiter, and just in time for their first deal. “You know how to play, right?” She whispered into his ear.
“Of course I do.”
She smiled down at him, trying to convince the dealer that were at the very least interested in each other’s company. “So you won’t need me, I’ll just be your lucky charm.”
The Roulette wheel was where she knew they’d start making big winnings, it was also where Polnareff started to understand the entertainment aspect of the evening. Gambling was a peculiar art of gathering enough competitors to make your play worthwhile. And Vera using herself as eye candy was exactly what they needed.
“What do you think, my dear? Am I an utter fool for betting that high?” He spoke perhaps a bit too loudly.
“I don’t know- is Lady Luck on your side?” She retorted.
“I can never tell- she looks an awful lot like you sometimes.”
She laughed it off, seeing a crowd gather in their peripherals.
“So- that what it feels likes to have your Fortune changed. Not quite as natural as I thought.” Polnareff had told her as they left the Black Jack table.
She laughed, counting the chips into the little velvet bag. “I suppose it would feel strange to you. I don’t know I’ve always seen it as a bit boring.”
“Boring? Boring how?”
They watched as the little white ball shot of the table master’s hand, running around the edge of the Roulette wheel. Vera couldn’t be bothered, she was focused on the black seventeen on the wheel. Focusing Fortune’s attention on that.
“As strange as it seems- probability and human choice kind of go hand in hand. One can sometimes influence the other...”
The speed of the ball slowed down, everyone around them held their breath as they waited.
“Sometimes it’s some ingrained instinct for us to go for even numbers- other times it’s a rigged game.”
The ball slipped into the black seventeen.
“But it’s not knowing the outcome that makes Fortune an invisible god.”
She and Polnareff leapt up and hugged each other as the crowd around them either cheered with them or sighed in defeat.
“50K for the duo in black.” The table master slid the chips across the board towards them.
Polnareff’s eyes widened as he pulled the chips closer. “Another game?”
Vera drummed her fingers on his shoulder, making him look up at her. “What do you think, Jean? Another game?”
She squeezed his shoulder just to make sure he understood they won’t be leaving the table. He gazed at her a moment and then turned to the table. “Well I suppose another game couldn’t hurt.”
“Why did you let us lose?” Jean groaned as she split the money into 15K each. Their winnings had decreased after the fifth game of Roulette and then got back to 30K at the slots. “I thought you had full control.”
“I do, and I didn’t let us lose, I made us lose.”
They had just left the casino and was walking back to the hotel- which wasn’t that far.
Polnareff spluttered. “Bu- But why? We could have walked out with millions!”
“From just 3K starting point, wouldn’t they find it awfully suspicious?”
She groaned as she bent down and climbed out of the heals she’d been walking around in all night.
“There have been worse cases, haven’t there? What about people winning the lottery and such.”
Vera looked back at him, his wide blue eyes begging for answers. It made he laugh for a moment. “Jean, you don’t actually think casinos are made for you to win in right? They’ll only let you succeed that much, anything more and we’d be in the interrogation rooms right now. Also-“ she started removing her earrings and slipping them into his suit pocket. “Isn’t 15K enough?”
“Don’t I owe you 3K?”
“No? Where’d you get that?”
“Well you gave the starting bet didn’t you.”
She scoffed, walking away from him. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Jean. You do possess that real entertainer’s talk so... thanks for that.”
“Come on- we need to get back to the hoTEL!”
Polnareff sprinted past her, grabbing her clutch in his hand and stuffing his money into her purse.
“I don’t want to hear another word about this- the money is yours!”
It took a moment for her brain to catch up and when it did she was after him. “Jean! Jean, it was a team effort! The guilt is gonna eat me alive!”
He ran ahead of her- getting much faster simply due to his height. “No no no no no! I won’t hear it!”
“Jean! I’m wearing stockings and a dress! This is not fair!”
“Promise you’ll keep the money!”
“Never!”
She phased him back with Fortune just close enough to hop onto his back- clinging on for dear life. “I told you, I don’t want it.”
“So why make me go in the first place?” He panted, resting his hands on his knees, Vera just hanging onto his back for the ride.
Vera’s breath returned to her, but the answer didn’t. Polnareff waited it out, the silence suddenly becoming oppressive.
“Truth is Vera, I don’t know you very well. And from what I can tell is that you’re not a particularly emotional person.” He put a hand over hers on his shoulder. “But Mr Joestar has told me why Avdol’s death hit you harder than me. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Especially in Pakistan.”
The mere thought of it made her nauseous, her grip on his shoulders loosening. She slid off his back and stood staring at the pavement- hoping she could stop the tears from coming. “I just wanted to take my mind off things. I didn’t care if I was going to pay for it later.”
The admittance felt like it broke a dam behind her eyes. The tears flowing freely. “I’m just so tired.”
Polnareff let her have a moment, her shoulders quietly jerking as she cried. “Do you want to talk about it? I’d love to get to know you a bit better, and not from what other people tell me about you.”
She sniffed, lifting her head to meet his gaze. “Look what you’ve done to me, Jean! My make up is a mess!”
He only laughed, offering her a handkerchief. “Come on, I’ll abba* you home.”
She accepted after wiping away some snot and black stained tears under her eyes.
“So- where should I start?”
Jean only nodded or hummed in understanding as they walked back, not saying much. Vera speaking freely about her life for the first time in a long time.
“Alright, so to summarize- you’ve discovered Fortune can make any probability of their choice come true, you can heal because you can make some time move forward or back, that same time skip thing is also where your phasing ability comes from, and you’re incapable of effecting anything about Dio specifically. Any idea why?”
“I have a suspicion it’s because he changed his own fate with becoming a vampire. Some curses are too ancient for even me to interfere with.”
“Okay so, you’ll have to explain to me again- how does phasing work exactly?”
“Think of it this way- right now, I hold my shoe in my hand.” She lifted up the black stiletto in her hand over his chest. “Now what I do with this shoe depends on what I decide to do with it. I can decide to drop it, toss it up in the air, put it on, give it to someone jogging by- whatever. Once I decide that is the path I want it to experience, all it needs is time to do so. So I decide I’m going to toss it a few feet ahead of us. It’s going to take a few seconds to get there, yes?”
“Yes.”
“So all Fortune does is skip that time and move it straight to the time it will be laying on the floor ahead of us.”
She proved the point by demonstrating. “Got it?”
“Ahhh so THAT’S also how you heal people.”
“Now you get it.” He picked up the shoe and handed it back to her.
“So uhhh... why is it giving you grey hairs?”
Her head turned to press her ear against his back. “Time, it seems, acts a bit like money. To skip the time I have to pay the time. My body basically makes me pay for the months of healing I spare other people.”
“Are you sure? Why is it only showing now?”
“Because of the shock I suppose. I kind of wonder how many years I’ve shaved off my own life at this point. Besides- I think it’s more for moving time forward. Moving time back just gives me bad luck, I think.”
He hummed in understanding. “I see, by the way, how’s your nose?”
“Getting less blue thanks for asking.” She laughed.
The sight of the hotel lobby was her que to hop off and get back into her heels. They walked along the hallways in the hotel once more- exchanging stories of their childhoods before they were back at their doors. She gave a tired goodnight and a thank you but Polnareff called back from his room door. “Vera, I know what the corpses told you must haunt you but- I think your parents would have been proud to see where you are now.”
“Stop making me cry!”
She gave him the most authentic smile she could manage and said. “I think your family would be proud of you too.”
*abba- I might expose myself here but where I’m from, this is what we say when we piggyback someone. It’s the one local slang I think sounds cuter than piggyback lol.
#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jojo part 3#jean pierre polnareff#OC Vera#OC content#fate and fortune
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Baby!Buck AU 12/12
TW: The abuse (emotional, verbal and physical) is discussed openly.
Also I don’t know anything about anything American law (or any law, really) or about getting custody of a kid, so hopefully it’s plausible but sorry if it’s way off.
I did google how much the tooth fairy leaves on average.
Also also I suppose this is the last part? Hoping to tie up the loose ends I left lying around and end it here, but maybe come back to this AU with one-shots later if anything comes to me?
Thank you to everyone who read and liked and commented! I read them all and I’m very grateful (and surprised that there are people who are into this random thing that my brain spat out), and especially thank you to @datleggy for putting up with my rambling and giving this a once-over.
---
They settle into a routine. Chimney takes over babysitting duties from the Buckleys’ neighbour when he’s off shift, and most days he babysits he takes the kid by the firehouse.
He spends the night at the Buckley apartment more and more often, so it’s really pretty inevitable that he eventually witnesses Evan’s nightmares. They happen fairly frequently at first, but then, as time goes on, less and less often. He knows Maddie has been taking him to a child psychologist, so he supposes, and hopes, that that’s helping.
Even with their lessening frequency, Chimney is pretty used to being woken up by cries from the next room, to following Maddie as she jumps out of bed and races to her brother, to watching sadly, wishing he knew how to help, as she holds him while he cries.
What Chimney isn’t expecting to be woken by, however, is tossing and turning and a flailing arm from right beside him.
“Maddie? Maddie it was just a dream, you’re okay, you’re okay.” She’s shaking her head desperately, pushing his hands off of her as she untangles herself from the bedsheets and runs to Evan’s room. Evan is still asleep, the stuffed whale’s tail held loosely in his hand, and Maddie’s breathes a sigh of relief which quickly turns into sobs that she covers her mouth to try to stifle.
“Come on, it’s okay.” He puts his arm around her and ushers her out of Evan’s room and back to their own. Getting back into bed he pulls her close to him, and she tucks herself against his chest, trying to wipe away her tears. “Do you want to tell me what it was about? Might help to talk about it?”
At first Maddie starts to shake her head, but then she hesitates. She turns in his grip to face him more fully, nervously looking into his eyes before sighing and settling back into his hold.
“I’m...” Chimney presses a kiss to her hair, waiting for her to continue. “I... never told you why we moved out here.”
Chimney stills. He had wondered, sure, had suspected it wasn’t exactly a happy story. But in the months they’d known each other, he really hadn’t learned anything about it. He knows they’re from Pennsylvania, he knows where Maddie got her nursing degree, he’s heard her mention at least one cousin but... that’s it. He doesn’t actually even know her parents’ names.
“My parents... I mean... they were okay with me, I guess. A little emotionally distant but they never hurt me or anything. Average, worked a lot, left me home alone a lot but it was fine. I had food and a roof and it was... it was fine.”
Chimney doesn’t really think that that sounds like it was actually fine, but he doesn’t interrupt.
“Evan was... Evan was an accident.” She’s whispering now, giving the closed door furtive glances. It’s obviously something she doesn’t want Evan to overhear, and it’s just as obvious why. “And then dad got laid off when he was just a baby, and money was tight, and he started drinking more, and sometimes when he was drunk he would... he would tell Evan that he was a mistake, that he was a waste of money, of time, of space...” She’s crying, tears streaming down her face. Chimney’s frozen. Everything is starting to make sense. “He started picking up jobs here and there but he was still... he was still drinking... still angry, still telling this... this toddler, this baby, who never wanted anything more than a little love, that he was in the way, and that he cost too much and that he was a mistake and that.... that he regretted him being born at all. Evan’s been... he’s been hearing those things since before he was even old enough to understand what they meant. I mean... some of them he probably still doesn’t understand but... it’s all he knew, for so, so long.”
Chimney squeezes her tighter, tears pricking at his eyes.
“Our mom... she was kind of detached, and even though she was feeding him and putting him to bed she just... wasn’t really there. I don’t know if she really cared at all, which I never... I never understood. The moment I held him in my arms I was completely in love. Those blue eyes and the little tuft of blond hair and I was in love with that baby, with every bit of my being but she just...” She shakes her head, swiping quickly at the tears on her face before continuing.
“Evan was two when I graduated high school and I already knew it was bad...but I... I was eighteen and I kind of wanted to grab him and run but I didn’t have any money, I didn’t have a job and... I had an offer to nursing school with some scholarships and I got a few loans and...” she breaks off with a sob. Chimney just holds her tighter. “I left him.”
“Maddie...”
“No. I... I left him there.” She covers her mouth, trying to cry silently, not wanting to wake up her brother. “I told myself they weren’t physically hurting him and I left him there alone.”
Chimney shakes his head desperately, searching for the right words to say. She was young, she didn’t have the means to take care of him... it must have felt impossible.
“You were a child, Maddie. You have him now, and he’s safe and happy and he has a whole bunch of people who love him. I love that kid. So much.”
Maddie looks up into his eyes again before ducking her head back down in shame.
“No. It... Every time I went back to visit it was worse.”
Chimney feels his stomach sinking. “Worse?”
“I started seeing the bruises and even with all the excuses they made I knew... and so I started to look into if it really would be possible for me to get him, but being halfway through school, and jobless and... I knew it would be hard. And every time I would leave for school again he would cling to me and cry, and I just... kept leaving him. Telling him that it was going to be okay, that I’d be back for him soon.”
Chimney starts running his fingers through her hair, but keeps quiet.
“He broke his arm once, when he was five. Hairline fracture, he had a cast when I got back for Christmas. Our mom said he fell off the playground, and Evan never disagreed. God, he never wanted anything but to please them. He’d agree with anything, say anything, do anything they asked. I still don’t know for sure what happened. I mean maybe he did just fall off the playground.
“I graduated, and so I was applying for jobs and for custody at the same time. They didn’t want to give it up. I don’t even know why, but they fought it, and without any concrete proof...”
She turns in his hold, tucking herself into his side with a sigh.
“Then everything kind of happened at once. I got a long-term offer here in LA, and a week or so after dad came home really drunk, and angry, and he pushed Evan down the stairs, knocked Mom into a cabinet. Evan broke his arm. The same one, actually, but a compound fracture this time. God, his tiny, tiny arm just...” She shakes her head. “Mom was concussed, and she finally admitted to the... the abuse at the hospital, said she’d support my application, and so it got pushed through and before the end of the month we were here.”
Chimney presses a kiss to her hair, speechless for a moment. He clears the emotion from his throat.
“Maddie... Maddie... I’m so, so glad you’re both safe. And I’m so glad you’re both here.”
“He never laid a hand on me, though, I...” Chimney cut her off.
“No, no. I’m glad you’re both safe, and away from all that.” He pauses as questions pop into his head. “Wait, do they know where you are? Would... would they do anything if they did?”
Maddie shakes her head. “They know I got a job in California, but they don’t know where. I didn’t tell them where I was going, and I didn’t give them my new number. I just... I wanted Evan to have a fresh start. He’s eight and he has so much anxiety and fear and... I thought he deserved one.”
“He did. You did too.” He tucks her hair behind her ear. “And you have a family here, now. You both do. You’ll be okay.”
---
Hen becomes “Auntie Hen,” and Bobby becomes “Uncle Bobby” and sometimes “Uncle Cap,” which is usually accompanied by a cheeky grin and followed by tickle fights. They have barbecues at Bobby’s place, and movie nights at Hen’s, and go out as a team for picnics at the beach.
The other firefighters continue calling Evan “Firefighter Buckley,” which becomes “Buckley” which becomes just “Buck” and then becomes so engrained that when they get him a tiny t-shirt with the LAFD logo printed on it for Christmas, they stamp “Buck” across the back.
Evan loses a tooth and Chimney slips a $20 bill under his pillow to join Maddie’s dollar, and when Maddie realizes she shoots Chimney an exasperated look, trying to look disapproving but clearly fighting to hide a grin.
Maddie, Chimney and Evan go whale watching for Evan’s birthday, and Chimney doesn’t think he’s ever seen his kid smile so brightly. He hangs a picture of the three of them in his locker, and tries to remember just when Evan became his.
They’ll be okay.
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Firstly, sorry for losing the post to your ask! Tumblr shitty UI stuff happened and I accidentally deleted the draft TvT (they should make an option for asks to reappear if the draft answer got deleted or sth smh)
Secondly, IM SO SORRY FOR THE EXTREMELY LONG POST AAAAA
I tried to keep the explanations short like I did for Saraba (even that was pretty long) but then the more I tried the longer it became, and in the end what was supposed to be my take on like 2 pages of this book became this extremely long in-depth analysis of the entire book _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_ But I mean, I’ve agonised over the translations for this book for almost half a year and I have Lots of Feelings about it because GOD I LOVE THIS BOOK
Anyway, Makkura is another one of those books with a lot of hidden layers that can be unpacked from the story with multiple rereads. Unlike Saraba where some things were intentionally left open to interpretation (I think), though, this book is slightly more straightforward, and I’d like to offer my take on the story.
Long post and Makkura spoilers below the cut!
At the beginning of the story, Gintoki and Hijikata were already dating (secretly-but-not-so-secretly). They’ve clearly been dating for a while now; Hijikata coming over to Gintoki’s place to stay the night (though he’d usually be gone by morning), mayonnaise in the Yorozuya fridge, etc… Though their displays of affection were rather subdued, to the onlooker (and everyone else around them) these two idiots were so obviously crazy in love with each other 💕💕 However, there is something that seems a little… off about their relationship, and this something would have continued lurking in the shadows…
The beginning of the end…?
…Had Gintoki not lost all of his memories of his relationship with Hijikata. Gone was the man who would become agitated at the mere thought of his beloved going into danger; the man before Hijikata now barely knew him, and the thought of dating the Demon Vice Commander would never have crossed his mind.
Imagine waking up to find out that your boyfriend has forgotten all about his relationship with you and makes THIS face at the mere thought of shacking up with you
What Hijikata did next may seem illogical at first (and don’t get me wrong, it really is), but it makes a bit more sense once you realise what exactly was off about their relationship.
You see, Hijikata didn’t think that he was good enough for Gintoki.
If you’re familiar with Syaku’s works, you may have noticed a particular trope being rather common: Hijikata and/or Gintoki falling in love with the other, yet not taking the step forward because they were afraid of getting in the way of the other’s creed—to protect.
Looks familiar? ;)
In Makkura, they did manage to take that step forward (regardless of who made that step first), but even so, there’s always been a niggling doubt somewhere in the back of Hijikata’s mind that maybe—just maybe—Gintoki would be better off without him. Hijikata would do everything in his power to protect the Shinsengumi, and he knows that Gintoki would do the same to protect those he holds dear. It just didn’t occur to him that he was one of them, too. Instead, he was afraid of Gintoki straying from his path because of him.
Gintoki losing his memories was like a wake-up call to Hijikata, that his relationship with Gintoki was too good to be true—and if it will all come to an end eventually anyway, then he should be the one to pull the plug first, especially since the perfect opportunity to reset everything to a clean state has presented itself. He pretended that nothing happened between the two of them. He told Gintoki to “Forget about all this. Everything.” He tried to convince himself that he should make a clean break and completely remove himself from Gintoki’s life, and be content with merely watching from afar.
Maybe Hijikata thought that since he and Gintoki never confirmed their relationship, the people around them will just shrug it off, or won’t notice the change in behaviour. But needless to say, everyone around them immediately noticed that something was wrong. And they even had Hijikata’s inner thoughts all figured out.
The Shinsengumi members know their vice commander too well XD
Even Gintoki himself had managed to put two and two together, but he just couldn’t figure out why he fell in love with the man with whom he always fights like cats and dogs. And since Hijikata himself was so adamant on nothing happening, all he could do was watch as the man-who-is-apparently-his-lover-but-he-somehow-forgot told him to stay out of his way. That’s why, it’s up to everyone else to restore Gintoki’s memories and get these two idiots back together.
While the Yorozuya kids were scrambling to find the antidote, Hijikata opted to go down the slippery slope of self-abandonment by meeting the pervert Bakufu official despite knowing full well what might happen to him. He thought it was all for the sake of the Shinsengumi, but seeing Gintoki down the hallway jolted him back to his senses and made him realise just how wrong he was. He realised the reason why he was actually doing this—to see if Gintoki would come to his aid, to see if Gintoki was still the man he knows and love. He realised that he doesn’t want to give his body to anyone anymore—anyone else, that is. He realised just how truly madly deeply in love he was with Gintoki.
What indeed…
By the time he realised this, though, it already seemed too late; it didn’t seem like Gintoki was going to save him. So, he resolved to keep his memories of Gintoki as a happy dream, and was ready to succumb to despair—when Gintoki finally comes to the rescue! (Not sure if Yamazaki didn’t press the button on purpose here) Of course, Gintoki was pissed off that Hijikata would do something this reckless. So he told Hijikata, “You should treasure yourself more…” (BTW, the original Japanese really only had “You should _______ more…”, I had to fill in the blanks) That’s when Hijikata realised that he was right all along; Gintoki hasn’t changed, even without Hijikata’s memories. And that’s all he needed to know.
And over in this exhibit we have the exact moment when Gintoki fell in love all over again
Right when Gintoki was about to profess his love say something to Hijikata, the kids finally arrive with the antidote! And Sougo even figured out that Gintoki doesn’t really need the antidote anymore since he’s in back in love with Hijikata XD But of course Gintoki wants to remember. Of course he wants to remember all about his time together with the man he now knows he loves. He drinks the antidote—
Ohhhh boy shit’s about to go DOWN
—And we arrive at the emotional climax of the story. Gintoki’s furious—Of course he would be; his lover just tried to erase himself from his life, thinking that it was for his sake! Gintoki thought that Hijikata had underestimated him—in a way, he’s right; Hijikata had underestimated just how much Gintoki needs him. He knew that Gintoki loves him, but he also thought that Gintoki should forsake him for the sake of those he wants to protect.
That’s why Gintoki let Hijikata know just how much he means to him. He has already come to know all of him, so he can’t ever bring himself to let him go. That’s when Hijikata started to realise that he was wrong about Gintoki, and wrong about himself. He meant much more to Gintoki than he ever thought he did.
This led to the one exchange that I wrote out this entire analysis for—
Did I really write 1800 words just for this? Yes. Yes I did.
If Hijikata really meant so much to him, then does that mean Gintoki would have tried to erase himself from Hijikata’s world for his sake, too? Gintoki doesn’t think so, but that’s after everything that has happened so far. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it if their positions really were reversed at the beginning of the story? They both know that, because they both hold on so dearly to the same beliefs, the same pride.
That led to Gintoki throwing the question back at Hijikata—does that mean Hijikata would fall in love with Gintoki again even without his memories, just like Gintoki did? In asking this, Gintoki was telling Hijikata that, even if he were to do the same, deep down, he would still want Hijikata to fall in love with him again. And that’s when Hijikata realised—it was the same for him, too.
At that point, the two of them came to the same conclusion—neither of them can live without the other anymore. Yet, even if their positions were reversed, they would still have done the same. And even if that were to happen, they would still arrive at this same conclusion. They both love the other too much to let go; yet, they both love the other so much that they’d be willing to let go. Now that they both know this, their bond has become truly unbreakable.
Hijikata’s reply was therefore an affirmation—
“Even so, you’d have done the same. Even so, I’ll still fall in love with you.”
That’s just the way both of them are.
And so, at the end of the story, we now have Gintoki who wants Hijikata to know just how much he loves him (maybe becoming more possessive in the process?), and Hijikata who now knows just how much Gintoki loves him, and has come to forgive himself for loving him. Their relationship is one full of contradictions, yet no matter what happens, they will both find their way back to the place where they belong—in (or should I say on?) each other’s arms.
Look at the how much love there is in Hijikata’s eyes just LOOK AT IT AAAAA
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Makkura is one of my top Ginhiji doujins of all time! I really really hope that my translation managed to do it justice, and I hope my ramblings were coherent enough TvT
If you’ve managed to read this far, do give Makkura a reread and you just might see it in a different light ;) Of course, my interpretation might be different from what Syaku intended to present, so feel free to come up with your own interpretations as well!
Also, halfway through writing this I found an analysis by @mugimarumaru over in the MRM comments section, so do check it out as well :>
Thank you for coming to my TED talk and hope you have a nice day~
(I wish I’d put in this much effort in my college essays)
- JJ
(P.S. The REAL question here: if their roles were reversed would that make it a Hijigin book 🤔🤔🤔)
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AAA thank you for the commentary and also for the links for the art + the piece with kay giving miles a hug, i hadn't seem them!! miles really really needed that hug :C since you said you like doing commentary, i'm so sorry, but can i ask for phoenix and miles talking in the hospital in chapter 7? reading the commentary about The Scene made me rush to read it again right after haha take your time though, i get these are long to do and all!! thank you again!
Anonymous said:
Wait hold on I would purchase this DVD Director’s Cut Commentary on your fics in heartbeat! I only just realized that you were doing them. Sorry to be another catch up game request and sorry that it’s a somewhat long passage, but could you comment on the scene where Phoenix and Miles reconcile in Miles’ hospital room in chapter 8?
Got two asks for this one so I guess I have to do it haha! (And I’m assuming the first anon meant chapter 8 instead of chapter 7 haha.)
and also @\ second anon request I am so glad to hear that there’s a market for my 150 hour long DVD that’s me reading my fics and then rambling about them repetitively the whole time, maybe I can drop out of school after all! (jokesjokes)
Anyways!! the scene!! under the cut!!
I totally lied I have a few things to talk about first... this is probably one of the scenes I fiddled around the most with at the last minutes before publishing, because like I said in my commentary of The Scene at the end of chapter 5, it got a much bigger reaction than I was anticipating and then I was side-eyeing the rest of this fic to make sure it worked out haha. Particularly this scene, since it’s sort of the resolution to the end of chapter 5, so I wanted it to work out alright without it seeming like it just... wrote off everything that happened with chapter 5.
Okay I’ll start now I promise.
Phoenix’s heart pounded in his chest to a degree he thought might have something to do with a health condition. Maybe it was in the pamphlets. Kay reached around him, knocked on the door, and gave him a wink before darting away. How disrespectful.
meddlesome thief daughter is determined to help get her totally-not-a-dad a boyfriend. Also Phoenix is way more intimidated by the thought of an Honest Emotional Conversation than he is at running into a burning building which I think is in character, honestly.
“Come in,” said Edgeworth’s muffled voice, so Phoenix gave himself one moment to take a deep breath and then entered the room.
Edgeworth sat in the bed by the window, looking at his burnt and bent out-of-shape Steel Samurai figurine perched on the windowsill. At least it had been recovered; Edgeworth was fond of that one. Edgeworth himself was definitely worse for wear, with his hands bandaged and gripping tightly to his inner arms, and his skin a sickly pale colour where it wasn’t bruised, but he was awake and alive and the sight was nearly breathtaking.
hhghgh okay confession time! Up until I was about halfway through the fic the big moments in chapter 7 went down a little differently - originally this was going to involve, like, Miles getting kidnapped by the mafia group he was taking down and then Phoenix would go in and break him out of there, but then I ended up taking it out because I wasn’t really Vibing with it and it just seemed too dramatic and implausible... but honestly what I went with was probably equally dramatic and implausible, so no points there for me.
I mean I kinda regret burning down the prosecutor’s office. If I had more time to prepare/edit or I guess if I could do one thing in this fic differently, I’d probably rewrite part of this resolution so it was more emotionally oriented because I suck at action. plus like the health-related consequences of this whole misadventure kind of got glossed over, in true ace attorney fashion, but regardless.
This was absolutely caused by me not being totally sure what hurt/comfort meant (which chapters 7 and 8 were based on as a theme) and figuring to go with the safer option of more physical hurt/comfort than more emotional hurt/comfort; although some of that got in there at the end.
And one of my edits was definitely recovering the Steel Samurai figurine because that was the most critical thing in Miles’ office imo. Or at least from Miles’ perspective.
Edgeworth looked over as Phoenix entered, and his entire body sagged in relief. “Phoenix,” he breathed.
“Hey.” Awkwardly sticking his hands in his pockets, Phoenix walked over and sat on the chair beside his bed. He couldn’t help but think about the last time he and Edgeworth had been in a hospital room together, their positions reversed. “How’re you feeling?”
“I’ve been better,” said Edgeworth, and his voice was still rough. “I—I don’t… you’re alive.”
“‘Course I am.”
“Gumshoe and Kay told me everything, you know.” A menacing look flashed through his eyes. “What you did.”
Phoenix braced himself.
Gumshoe and Kay probably were there right when Miles woke up, a little before Phoenix did, I suppose -- or at least around when he was being rescued, maybe? I didn’t think this timeline through super well since Miles was in worse condition... ignore that! Anyways they definitely told Miles that Phoenix was alive, but considering Miles presumably witnessed him fall through a burning building, he can’t fully believe it until he sees Phoenix upright and walking around like nothing’s wrong.
“How could you be so reckless?” he hissed, and even though some of the danger was lessened when his voice was so shaky, Phoenix still recoiled. “You could have died, easily! You defied direct police orders and — and all — all logic and reason and for what?”
“To save you. Of course.”
“I would have been fine!”
Risking his life for someone is just your average Tuesday for Phoenix. But it shook up Miles a lot, and all of his anger is completely coming from a place of concern, but Miles being Miles doesn’t really know how to express emotions outside of angry glaring and in this case angry yelling.
“Would you?” Phoenix challenged, and Edgeworth’s glare redoubled. “Look, Edgeworth, I wasn’t going to die, not while I still had something to live for —”
“How is that going to stop you?” Edgeworth demanded. “People can have the world to live for and they still die! By your logic, I-I wasn’t enough for m-my —” He turned away and broke off into a coughing fit.
The realization struck Phoenix like a physical blow. “No, I didn’t mean to suggest —”
The “I wasn’t going to die, not while I had something to live for” is a reference to Phoenix’s line at the end of AA4; “People don't die that easily, really. ... As long as they've got something worth living for.” Which is a nice sentiment, really, and might work for Mr. Indestructible over here, but is not how things actually work, which Miles points out.
What he was going to say (if it’s not obvious) is “By your logic, I wasn’t enough for my father,” because you know Gregory would have done anything to stay with his son, but a bullet to the heart is a bullet to the heart. There’s not much “having something to live for” can do about that.
“Something to live for isn’t going to save you!” continued Edgeworth, once he recovered. “Why can’t you realize that? It’s not going to stop a bullet, it’s not going to save you from a fall, you — how much longer are you going to keep relying on your luck like this?! Do you — do you even realize how much danger you keep putting yourself in?”
His choice of examples here are what I want to talk about - “not going to stop a bullet” refers to both Gregory’s murder and also the last time he saw Phoenix’s life in danger, during SOJ when the guards burst in and are pretty much pointing guns at their heads -- I’d be surprised if Miles wasn’t terrified watching that, even if he wouldn’t admit it after everything calmed down. “not going to save you from a fall” refers both to this most recent falling through a burning building but ALSO Phoenix falling through the burning bridge in Bridge to the Turnabout, another instance where Phoenix almost died and Miles was involved.
And the events of SOJ where Phoenix walks in and risks his life for a kid, while something that Miles understands he would do since that’s the kind of guy Phoenix is, still were reckless and if Phoenix didn’t have protagonist immunity who knows if he would have made it through Khura’in, which is the most recent traumatic event prior to this fic.
Phoenix held up his hands. “Edgeworth, it’s okay.”
“No! No it’s not! Y-You… Do you have a death wish? Why would you ever…” He trailed off, digging his fingers into his arms and looking away.
Miles is just kind of... panicking a lot as the full weight of the situation they were just in catches up with him and just how close he was to losing Phoenix. He was going to say something like “Why would you ever do that for me?” but that’s edging a little too close to the whole issue of the rejected confession; he’s not someone particularly special to Phoenix, at least not in the way Miles would like, and they parted on awkward terms, so why would Phoenix still go out of his way to save him like this?
“It’s fine,” Phoenix tried to soothe. “We’re alive. If I hadn’t gone in there, who knows if they would have gotten to you in time, or if you hadn’t gotten that mask on when you did… Look, I don’t want to just sit back and watch you die —”
“I don’t want you dead, either! You imbecile! You…” He took in a sharp, shaky inhale. “You could have died, and it would have been my fault, do you think I want that? Do you think I could live with myself if that had happened? And not just now, you keep throwing yourself into reckless situation after reckless situation and one day you’ll pay the price for it a-and god, Wright, no one would ever want that, do you even consider the effect that would have o-on Trucy, on everyone, on…”
He turned his head to the side to hide it better behind his bandaged hand, but Phoenix could still see the tears dripping down his face. Phoenix hadn’t seen him cry since — since they were kids, probably. His eyes had been a little watery after the DL-6 incident was resolved, but Phoenix hadn’t actually seen anything. Even when he came to the Agency after prosecuting cases where the public details alone made Phoenix’s stomach turn, and he’d whisper about the horrors with his face in his hands long after they were sure Trucy was asleep, he hadn’t cried.
“Miles,” Phoenix whispered, horrified, reaching out for his shaking shoulder.
Edgeworth flinched away, curling in on himself. “Please don’t touch me.”
Miles... pretty much has a full-on breakdown here because he’s been through a LOT in the past few days. He finally worked up the courage to confess to Phoenix and was rejected, and then probably spent a lot of time worrying about how this could change their friendship, and if Phoenix would be less comfortable around him from now on; plus in general the hurt of being rejected plus the humiliation of having read the situation so wrong (so he thinks). Then the office was attacked which was horribly traumatic on his own, and dredged up some DL-6 trauma for him too with the building shaking like it did. Then Phoenix comes running in to rescue him, which Miles doesn’t understand, because they had parted on awkward terms and he doesn’t think Phoenix would want to go rescuing him after that; at the same time this is the sort of thing Phoenix would do because he’s so dedicated to the people he cares about and Miles loves that about him; and then he thought for a while there that Phoenix had fallen and died trying to save Miles, making it indirectly Miles’ fault that he died, and now he’s lost the man he loves and he’s lost Trucy’s father and someone who was such a loyal friend to so many people -- but he’s okay! and acting like nothing happened! plus it’s the first time Miles has seen him since his attempted confession and it’s still a little raw for him.
so he’s a complete wreck emotionally... which is why he’s crying. I don’t see Miles as the type of person to cry a lot and ESPECIALLY not in front of other people. That’s probably very embarrassing for him, too, not to mention he’s crying in front of Phoenix, who’s trying to comfort him, which just makes everything worse.
Also Phoenix calling Miles by his first name and kind of reaching out to hold him reaaaally does not help.
“Alright.” Phoenix reluctantly lowered his arm. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Phoenix corrected, and Edgeworth peeked out from between his arms with reddened eyes to glare at him. “I know that sounds like a half-assed apology. But I’m not going to apologize for saving your life. I’m never going to stand by and let you or anyone else die if I can stop it.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Yeah. Probably.”
Another instance of Miles not knowing how to process feelings and being kind of angry-cat-like about it.
“Your life has more value than you know,” Edgeworth mumbled. “I wish you’d stop treating it so cheaply.”
“I’m not more important than anyone else.”
“You are to me.” Edgeworth sighed. “Forget I said anything. I know it isn’t going to stop you from doing the exact same idiotic thing in the future.”
HERE is a subtle callback to, once again, their conversation during the dinner in chapter 4 (which I’m referencing a lot back then since I guess it’s the scene where everyone’s repressing their emotions):
Phoenix immediately shook his head. “Hey, no, you were off doing research, planning to change the judicial system. I’m not more important than that.”
“You…” Edgeworth looked away and grabbed his arm. “... That doesn’t change the fact that I could have done more.”
He was going to say “You are to me”, like he did in this scene, but changed it at the last moment because it was too sappy and a little too close to his true feelings.
Miles now, going through an emotional breakdown, has less control over what he’s saying so it just sort of slips out -- but he regrets saying it since, well, Phoenix doesn’t feel the same way about him, he wouldn’t want to hear that, it’s not going to change anything.
“I don’t think it’s idiotic for me to try and save someone I care about from death,” Phoenix argued, punctuating his sentence with a cough.
“You shouldn’t do that for me.”
“Of course I would risk my life for you. You’re… you…” The words got stuck somewhere before his tongue.
Edgeworth’s eyes squeezed shut as if in pain, and he turned his back to Phoenix. “Please just… give me space, Wright.”
What Phoenix is trying to do is express how important Miles is to him in a romantic sort of way, but he still hasn’t fully acknowledged everything yet to do so, there’s a whole psyche-lock left, so he can’t quite get it out.
Miles perceives this as Phoenix trying to comfort him and say that he is important -- and he does know that he is important in some way to Phoenix -- but trying to do it in a way that can’t be mistaken as romantically-intended, once again reminding Miles of “hey remember when you tried to confess to him and it backfired so horribly”, so he wants space. Both for now because he’s dealing with a lot of other trauma, but also to take some time and get over Phoenix so he isn’t reminded of this and they can go back to being friends like before.
“No,” said Phoenix, and when Edgeworth tensed, “I-I mean, yes, I’ll go in a minute. I just… I wanted to talk to you about, uh, before all this. I-I know it’s terrible timing.”
Edgeworth was silent. Phoenix feared he was being ignored. “It is indeed terrible timing,” he said, eventually, his voice nearly unrecognizable. “I thought I said I didn’t want to talk about this again.”
Miles is anticipating the “You’re a great guy and a great friend, I just don’t feel the same way, but I’m sure you’ll make someone happy someday” conversation, which, while not a bad thing in most situations, is really not what Miles wants to deal with right now! Avoiding it was partially the reason he left so quickly at the end of chapter 5, and now he’s cornered in his hospital bed and does not want to have this conversation... ever, really, but especially not right now.
Basically Phoenix’s timing sucks, don’t have an emotionally charged conversation about why you rejected your crush after a traumatic incident irl, this is fiction though and I’m doing it for the drama.
“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t ever have to talk about this with me again if you don’t want to.” Phoenix ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I just want to apologize, a-and if I don’t do it now, I’m not sure I’ll have the courage to do it again.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, Wright,” said Edgeworth, to the wall.
one of the first drafts of Phoenix’s part had “You don’t ever have to talk to me again if you don’t want to” which was imo too far; Miles wouldn’t completely abandon Phoenix over this, and also, if Miles wanted to cut off all contact with Phoenix he’d probably just do it. Phoenix is just promising he won’t bring up the conversation again.
Miles thinks he’s about to apologize for not returning Miles’ feelings, which of course isn’t something Phoenix would have to apologize for.
“Yeah, I do.” Phoenix took a deep breath and summoned more courage than he ever had before. “I… I lied to you. When you asked me how I felt.”
Edgeworth turned his head back to him. Phoenix willed himself to not look away, or crack some cheap joke. Just kidding, Edgeworth! I enjoy toying with your emotions! That wouldn’t go over well.
Miles would be well within his rights to cut off all contact with Phoenix if Phoenix DID say “Oh by the way I do love you! haha just kidding! why are you crying.”
And these two being so dedicated to The Truth is why Phoenix focuses the apology more around “I’m sorry that I lied to you” -- also why he was so bothered by the comment Miles made about his honesty throughout chapter 6 and 7.
Edgeworth’s face crossed at least three equally incomprehensible emotions before he asked, “Why?”
The incomprehensible emotions are probably some variation on “am I dead???”
“I…” Phoenix sighed, and admitted, “I don’t know.”
“It would make more sense if it were the other way around,” said Edgeworth, and his expression closed off. “I’m — I’m not misunderstanding, am I?”
Instead of asking if he was misunderstanding, the first draft of this had Miles ask if Phoenix was trying to spare his feelings... but I think Miles would know Phoenix well enough to know that Phoenix would never do that.
Phoenix still hasn’t worked through his Issues and hasn’t outright said that he does love Miles, just that he lied about how he felt - sneaky way to get past the psyche-locks.
“No, you’re not,” Phoenix insisted, leaning forward. “I didn’t mean what I said back the other day, when I said I didn’t feel the same. I-I just panicked, I think. I knew, already, how you felt, but I never thought you’d say it. I never knew exactly how to read you, then suddenly you’re baring your heart to me, and it was too much.” He realized how close he was to Miles, and started getting out of his chair. “I-It’s a stupid reason. I’m sorry. I-I’ll just go, you don’t have to deal with me right now —”
“Wait.” Edgeworth grabbed his wrist before he could go too far. “Please.”
His grip was gentle but still firm. Phoenix sat back down with superhuman effort.
Phoenix finally realizes that dumping heavy emotions on Miles right now might not be the best idea! But Miles starts processing what’s actually going on and demands answers Right Now. And he initiates physical contact again. I usually try to have it go about when writing these things that if someone refuses physical contact (like Miles does before) they’re the one to initiate it again, just so that no boundaries are broken here.
Edgeworth was silent for a long time. “Always turning things around on me, aren’t you,” he said eventually, in a hoarse whisper.
This line was a fairly last-minute addition! Just imagine it being said in kind of a... exasperated-fond tone of a man who is very much in love but also very tired. “I understand you always want to turn things around on me but did you really have to do it this way, Phoenix,”
Phoenix ducked his head. “I never meant to hurt you. I — I care about you a lot, Miles, and I’m sorry if I screwed things up because I got scared. I want the same thing you do, I just don’t know if I can anymore, it’s been so long and…” He let out some self-deprecating laughter. “Isn’t that stupid? I’m such a coward. I know you, I know you wouldn’t hurt me, not on purpose. But I just can’t…”
So Phoenix hasn’t been in a serious relationship since the Dahlia-Iris debacle in college, which by this point, is fifteen years. And that was traumatizing enough he’s not sure he knows how to navigate a romantic relationship anymore or be vulnerable in that sort of way again.
That “not on purpose” caveat is there because Miles has hurt Phoenix pretty badly before -- not intending to, of course, because I don’t think he thought anyone would really care after the “Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death” note, but he still did anyways.
And since I usually like to plan out what characters are saying when I have them trail off like that... Phoenix’s intention was to say something along the lines of how he can’t get over what happened or whatever this emotional block is that won’t let him express his romantic feelings freely, but can’t find the words for it.
“Don’t you dare put yourself down in front of me.” Edgeworth reached out, slowly, to guide Phoenix’s head upward to meet his eyes. “I… I always thought you were the more… emotional, of the two of us. I’d assumed you weren’t saying anything, before, to give me time to process how I felt. I thought you were just waiting for me to speak up.”
Miles kind of degrades Phoenix often in court but, at least after Turnabout Goodbyes, I was always under the impression it’s just courtroom banter/not letting Phoenix think he’d go easy on him. Judging by the big emotional speeches about Phoenix’s brilliance he tends to give afterwards, there’s no way he actually thinks Phoenix is stupid.
And the rest of that is pretty much giving the reader who has not read these extensive DVD commentaries more insight into Miles’ perspective throughout the fic!
“Guess we got it the other way around,” said Phoenix with a faint laugh. “I-I mean, I used to be that kind of person. Everyone always knew how I felt all the time. It didn’t really… well, you can’t survive long like that.” He placed his free hand over his heart. “I-I’ve got locks, you know that? Black ones. I don’t know for sure why, but I can guess.”
Edgeworth scowled. “Dahlia?”
“Not just her,” said Phoenix. “She — and Iris — they’re not the only ones, you know, who — who I thought betrayed me.”
Edgeworth released Phoenix’s wrist. “Me,” he realized. “You thought I’d betray your trust again.”
Pretty much summary of Phoenix talking about how he used to be the “Feenie” in Turnabout Memories and then the events of the games slamdunked him into the emotional repression zone. ... to put it simply.
And Miles’ hurt at Phoenix pointing out that Miles had betrayed him in the past (referring to the Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death thing, primarily, because Phoenix describes it as a betrayal himself in the games) is less hurt that Phoenix doesn’t trust him and more guilt/anger at himself for having hurt Phoenix in the past to the point it could be comparable with what Dahlia and Iris did.
(Phoenix interprets it as the former, though, in the next paragraph.)
“I know you wouldn’t,” Phoenix clarified, because the brief flicker of hurt across Edgeworth’s face was unbearable. “I trust you to be a good person, and I trust you as my friend, but I… Miles, you left before, and it hurt. A-And let’s be honest, you’ve always been the smarter of the two of us, you’re better looking, you — you’re always fighting for justice, now, for truth, you’re honestly incredible. Why wouldn’t you want to leave me?”
“I trust you to be a good person, and I trust you as my friend, but I don’t trust you not to leave again” is the full version of that sentence, but Phoenix stopped himself because it seemed too cruel to say out loud.
And Phoenix using the word “incredible” here is also a very tiny subtle callback to Miles calling Phoenix incredible back during the original confession in chapter 5!
... I realized looking back on it that in my editing of that confession I accidentally cut out the part where Miles calls Phoenix intelligent during that conversation, shit, and then Phoenix claims that Miles called him intelligent when arguing back, which doesn’t make any sense anymore. Originally when Miles says “surely you figured it out already?” it was a little later and he said something like “surely you figured it out already, with your brilliant mind” but that was overkill so I cut it out but forgot to cut out the intelligence comment! fun how you realize these things so long after publishing! anyways. once more, please ignore that.
THE POINT IS that the things they find attractive about each other tend to be similar because they have very similar values and goals; their fight for truth and justice being a core one.
“I don’t know where you’ve gotten these impressions of me, but you’re wrong,” said Edgeworth, his gaze locking onto Phoenix like he was chasing down a contradiction. “You can be very stupid, when you’re risking your life running into a collapsing building, for instance — but you’re one of the smartest men I know, smarter in ways I’ll never be. I wouldn’t be anywhere on my path to truth if you weren’t there to guide me. And…” A faint sheen of pink covered his face. “I find you extremely handsome. I’m not sure if you know this.”
Phoenix was sure he was turning red. “I don’t know why you would.”
“Any thought suggesting that you’re not good enough for me is wrong,” Edgeworth asserted. “I think it’s the other way around. You’re — you’re brave, you’re good, you’re always so strong despite everything… I admire that about you.”
look I love morosexual miles jokes as much as anyone else, but Phoenix is actually wickedly smart, albeit in an unconventional sort of way -- he’s a very flexible thinker and that can lead him to reach conclusions that Miles didn’t even consider. I found that interesting with investigations that sometimes Miles got so caught up in his logic and assumptions that he’d get stuck, and it was only emulating Phoenix’s thinking that got him out of it.
(Which is why I usually get a little irritated at some characterizations of Phoenix where he’s just completely oblivious in contrast to extremely intelligent Miles... anyways.)
And if my twitter feed is any indication, lots of people find Phoenix Wright attractive... so Miles isn’t alone there.
“But that’s just it, I’m not,” Phoenix argued. “I-I can’t be that. I’m always pretending to be strong, always smiling, for you, for Maya and Pearls, for Trucy… I think I forgot to be anything else. I didn’t want you to need me and then realize I wasn’t up to the task, and leave. Because…” He let out a bit of faint laughter, but there was no joy in it. “That’s always what happens. People need me, then they don’t, and they leave for better things. I wouldn’t ever want to stop them, but the more attached I get, the more it hurts when they leave me behind.”
oof this paragraph was a chore and a half to write because I had to kind of cut to the core of Phoenix’s characterization bits that cause the conflict of this fic, mainly the abandonment areas -- which was why I needed pretty much everyone Phoenix cares about to not be around as much as he’d like, which feels like he’s being left behind, as everyone fulfills their destiny and is happy and he’s just... the same.
which is like a total mood for me approaching the end of my years in university and having no idea what I’m doing with my life while most of my friends are gonna do great things -- but I also think it’s a fairly universal human experience. no one really knows what they’re doing.
But especially for Phoenix because his career was defined by saving a specific person -- in this case Miles, who’s past needing saving and is going on to save other people. Then there was taking care of Maya and Pearls, but Maya is a proper adult now and Pearl is also an adult and they’re living their own independent lives in Kurain Village without needing him. Then Trucy kept him together throughout disbarment but even she’s grown up and leaving to live her own life now. And like I said in the other asks Phoenix tends to fall apart without someone to take care of, and now suddenly he has no one to look after and is questioning his purpose if he’s not taking care of or trying to save someone.
And since so much of his personality is defined by that he kind of gets tired and gets in the mindset of “if they’re just going to leave anyway, why even bother getting attached?” which could have gotten really unhealthy if he’d allowed it to fester for much longer; luckily it got caught and dealt with fairly early with the help of off-screen therapy after this.
Edgeworth was silent for a moment, as if weighing his words. “You don’t have to be strong for me anymore,” he said. “I needed you when I was younger, but… I don’t need you now. That’s not why I’m still here.”
Phoenix’s breath caught somewhere deep in his chest.
“I just… want you, Phoenix Wright, because I’ve known you for so long, and I’ve loved every part of you I’ve seen.” The lines around his eyes and mouth softened. “I won’t run from the rest. And I don’t want to leave your side, not for long, not for good, whether that’s as a friend or as something else. I am willing to try if you are.”
I really like these lines!! ... though I think I fiddled with the last paragraph a little too much and now it’s a bit too long and it throws off the rhythm a bit but oh well. is rhythm even the right word to use here? idk.
But basically it’s about their relationship being much healthier now that Miles isn’t dependent on Phoenix for the sake of his own mental health -- he likes the person Phoenix is, even outside of all that Phoenix did for him, and even if Phoenix hadn’t done anything for him, he’d still love Phoenix. (... He’d probably be dead, too, and everything Phoenix did definitely helped his feelings develop, but regardless.)
And it’s also kind of what Phoenix needs to hear right now, because hey, Phoenix, people don’t stick around because you help them out; they stick around because they like you! And this applies to pretty much everyone Phoenix cares about (which Trucy says in her letter) but Miles is speaking on his feelings specifically since this is the Romance moment.
And the last line kind of enforces a “even if this relationship doesn’t work out, I still don’t want to leave your side, even if we’re only friends,” plus Miles comes down a bit from his dramatic all-or-nothing “I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU” speech and to a more reasonable “I’m willing to put effort and time into making this relationship romantic if you are as well”.
so maybe the rejection did him some good after all.
“Miles,” Phoenix whispered.
“If you want me…” He took a deep breath and rested one hand, palm up, beside Phoenix. “If you want me, I am here. And even if you don’t, I’m not going anywhere. It’s as I said before. I’m done running away.”
We don’t get into Miles’ head so I don’t get to explore his thoughts as much as I do Phoenix’s (which is why so much of these DVD commentaries are just What Is Going On With Miles Edgeworth since (I hope!) I conveyed Phoenix’s thoughts sufficiently in the actual fic. But this conversation is probably taking a lot out of him emotionally, too. He has no idea what he’s doing. I tried to convey that a bit with his actions with him thinking things over carefully and taking deep breaths to kind of brace himself into making a move.
And his words are once again affirming the “even if you don’t want to be romantically involved with me, I’ll still be by your side as a friend”, because their relationship is so important to both of them, they wouldn’t want anything coming in between that.
Phoenix extended his hand, brushing his fingertips against Miles’ palm. The sensation was the only thing that made him sure this wasn’t a dream.
“I’ve been chasing after you my whole life,” said Phoenix, scarcely able to breathe. “I don’t know what to do if I’ve caught up.”
shameless title reference. I struggled so much with this title I was lying in bed the last day of June like “screw it, the catch-up game??? Sounds catchy enough???” and threw it on there. This is my approach to most of my titles. Either I have a title in my head from the outset (Deep Dark Secrets, Fifty Flights of Stairs) or I make it up at the last possible minute.
“Well, you have.” Miles’ hand shifted, but it was only to thread their fingers together, tight and reassuring. “I don’t know either. We’ll figure it out together, as we do with everything else.”
Phoenix lifted his head to meet those familiar grey eyes, mirroring the fear and anticipation and the giddy, almost child-like excitement in his own, and he smiled. “Yeah. I think I can try that.”
neither of them know what they’re doing but together they can accomplish anything!! is the vibe I wanted to go with. Honestly the way that they can work together to do anything they put their minds to and create miracles in court is one of the things I love so much about this ship. They complement each other so well and have so much faith and trust in each other that they make the perfect duo. Like two halves of the same whole. about the closest thing you can get to actual soulmates.
Anyways that’s the scene! Hope both you anons enjoyed it haha. This is one of the big emotional conflict resolution scenes (the other being Trucy’s letter later) so it’s got lots of stuff to talk about, so thank you!!
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catching up
“You had superpowers…”
“Yep. A couple different ones actually.”
“Were they fun?”
“Meh.”
Henry talks to Piper about being Kid Danger.
Words: 1958
Tagging some peeps (tell me if you do/don’t want to be tagged for future fics!): @kiddangers @mychenrymadness @swellviews-finest @rubyfull @bitchmilsky
Henry and Piper have been sitting on the couch for a long time. Like a really long time. Like they have never, ever been this close together for this long, long time.
They hadn’t despised each other before or anything, but they were both often running around doing a million things. Piper putting herself out there on the internet for thousands of people, and Henry putting himself in danger for the sake of his city.
But after learning how many times she almost lost her brother forever, Piper wanted to be a little bit closer to him whenever she could be, even when doing something incredibly boring like homework. Sometimes they would talk about their days, but most of the time they would just sit without uttering a word. The young girl just came to appreciate the fact that her brother was there, with her, and not being beaten halfway-to-death behind a deserted building.
She wasn’t on top of him, physically or metaphorically speaking, she didn’t want to drive him away even further than he had been, but being on the same side of the couch didn’t leave much room between them.
Their parents were out, maybe still at work, maybe somewhere else, but the kids didn’t mind. They liked the house when it was a bit quieter. Now that there were no more secrets between them, both of them found real joy and peace in being alone.
Piper sighed, and looked up from her biology textbook and broke the silence. She didn’t know why she was so nervous to ask her own brother a question, but she was. “Can I ask you something?”
Henry looked up from his copy of The Great Gatsby. “You know I got a D in bio, right?”
“Yeah, I know,” she laughed. “But it’s not about that.”
“Good.” He closed the book and tossed in onto the coffee table. “So what’s up?”
Piper looked down and ran her thumb over the edge of the pages of her book to relax herself. “Why do you do it?”
Henry wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but had a pretty good guess. “My job?”
“Yeah.”
“Honestly,” he stopped, trying to think of a reason. For a question he thought about a lot, he couldn’t seem to find the right answer. What could possibly be the reason he would give it all up for? What was worth losing his life? He started to think about if he dies on the job, what will happen? What would his parents think? Would it be worth it? But the thought that made his eyes start to tear up was the thought of Piper being an only child. Piper, without a brother to care for her when their parents were nowhere to be found.
His baby sister moved the book off of her lap and slid over to hug him before he completely broke down crying. She saw his lip quivering when trying to get out what he was thinking, and felt horrible for asking something so personal. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I never should’ve asked.”
Deep down, Piper was the one thing he cared about the most. Yes, he loved Charlotte and Jasper, he was really close with Ray, he cared about Schwoz too, and really everyone in Swellview, but Piper was the one person he would always put before anyone else. He turned to face her, but instead of looking at her, he hugged her tighter than he ever had and let his eyes soak the collar of her shirt.
They sat like that for a few minutes, with Henry shrinking himself down so that his face would rest on his sister’s shoulder, and allowing himself to really let it out and cry for what felt like the first time in a decade. His hands were grasping at the fabric on her back, like if he let go he’d disappear and be lost forever.
Henry was able to pull himself together to give her an actual answer. After a few sniffles, he could look her in the eyes. “I said I would. I made a promise. People were counting on Kid Danger, Ray was counting on me to be there.
“At first,” he continued, “I was doing it because it was new, and fun, and exciting, and it still is, but you get used to being in…”
“Danger?”
“Sure,” he laughed. “And you do get to a point where you start thinking, what am I doing here, why me, and then you remember that you swore to protect people, and to help them. You made a commitment. But after that wears off, and you’re so tired of coming home and having to cover up cuts and bruises and the only things going through your mind are all the worst possibilities, and what if this, what if that, and now, really thinking about it, if I had to pin it down to one reason, it would,” his voice started to break, “be you. It’ll always be you.”
He worried if that was too much. She’s just a kid, and I just unloaded all my emotional baggage onto her and told her my entire sob story.
“What?” She asked, her voice not even above a whisper.
“For some reason,” he answered, “this town has more criminals than everywhere else in the state combined. They’re out there all the time, constantly hurting people.” He took a second to catch his breath. “People, children even, get hurt every day by these maniacs, and if I can take some of them off of the streets, then maybe it’ll help me sleep at night knowing that there’s less of a chance of you being hurt by someone.”
All the memories of Piper being near the villains flooded his head. She had to go through all of that alone. Henry was nowhere to be found because he was hiding behind a mask instead of being her brother.
“And, Piper, I am so sorry for all the times you were in danger. The balloons, the bugs, Swellview’s Got Talent, all of it. I would never let anything serious happen to you, you know that right?”
Piper had been crying the whole time Henry has been talking. “I know,” she said, wiping more tears from her cheeks. “You’re too stubborn to lose.”
Henry dried his face with his sleeves, and genuinely laughed with his sister. “Haven’t you seen me get my butt kicked? The news isn’t very kind to us, and there’s plenty more where that came from.”
She giggled at the comment. Then she remembered something. “Hold on a second…”
“What?” He asked. What could possibly be more interesting to a little sister than her brother getting made fun of on the news?
“You had superpowers…”
“Yep. A couple different ones actually.”
“Were they fun?”
“Meh,” he shrugged.
Super fast reflexes were great, indestructibility was great, but laughing fire was just every kind of awful.
“Well there was the one mistaken for a disease. What was it? Hypo Mobility?”
“Hyper Motility,” he corrected her.
“Sorry,” she sarcastically apologized. “Still sounds like a disease.”
“Yeah, but it was nice to have, no matter how sickly it sounded. I had to inhale lizard and spider fumes to get it, so that’s cool, I guess.”
“Yuck,” she scrunched up her face with disgust. “But hey, if it gives you superpowers, I guess it’s worth it.”
“Oh yeah, it was,” he sighed, “even if it was only for a short time.”
“Yeah, do you want to talk about what happened with that?”
“Didn’t you hear about it on the news? I thought we did an interview with Trent and Mary” he said, knowing that story had been all over the news that night.
“A little bit,” she shrugged. “But I asked Henry Hart if he wanted to talk about what happened, not Kid Danger. That guy’s a loser anyways.”
“Hey! I think he’s—” Henry cut himself off when he realized what she was doing. “Oh, right. You know.”
“I sure do.” She smiled.
It made him sad from time to time that Twitler took it away, but his sister had been left in the dark for so long that she deserves it from him. “Okay, but it’s kind of a long story.”
“I got time,” she shrugged and gave her brother a smile. She really did want to hear the story, but she also wanted to give her brother someone to talk to about all this stuff. And maybe, if he keeps talking now, he’ll talk to her more about stuff in the future.
“So, you know about the computer virus.”
Piper nodded, having learned a little from the interview.
“So we had an antivirus made to kill it, but I couldn’t touch it, since I’m not indestructible, it would take away my powers too—”
“Because the virus was partially made of your powers, so they have the same properties.”
“Bingo,” Henry nodded, sadly.
“But you wear gloves? And you’re pretty much covered everywhere else. How’d it get through them?”
“I had to take the gloves off—“
Piper cut him off again with a sad, drawn out “no!”
“Yeah, the actual virus got on my gloves and if that touched me, my body would’ve been taken over by the virus. So I had to scoop up the antivirus with my bare hands. I mean, I think the entire digital world outweighs super fast reflexes, even if it’s pretty close,” he laughed.
“Gross. Wait, why didn't you use your mask or something to scoop it up?” She asked.
“I—” he stopped. Henry closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down. He dropped his head, and his voice grew softer. “I didn’t think about that.”
He was ready to start crying again. If he had just taken a second to think for once in his life, he could still have one of the best things that ever happened to him.
Piper saw how sad he got when she made the suggestion, and quickly put herself in his position. She felt awful about making himself upset again, considering she has just given him an existential crisis mere moments before.
She wrapped her arms around his back and started rambling to try to calm down her brother. “Never mind, that would be ridiculous. You’d have to risk exposing yourself to anyone who could see you, never mind if a news helicopter was flying by. That’d never work. Sorry I said that. What you did was entirely the right call.” She racked her brain for something else to bring up to get his mind off of the previous and heartbreaking topic. “Wait, you said you had a couple superpowers. What was the other one?”
Henry exhaled before talking. “Oh yeah,” he said. “I was indestructible for like two days, a few years ago. But when I laughed I breathed fire, so we had to get rid of that.”
“Dang, boy.”
“Yeah, that was not good. Being indestructible was cool, but definitely not the fire part. There were a couple of times where I did it in front of you guys and you almost saw me.”
Piper thought of all the times she should’ve noticed that her brother was up to something. All the bad lies and excuses, spending way too much time at work, and even when she thought she knew the truth, she would be easily convinced that it was fake. She laughed. “Yeah, I was dumb.”
“You weren’t dumb. You were little. You’ve grown up a lot in the past couple of years.”
She blushed at the compliment. “I guess I did have a pretty good role model.”
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Renewed Hope A FFXV Fanfic ft: Promnis
Fic link in the comments if you want to read on ao3 instead.
It all happened in an instant, the daemon he was fighting simply dissolved into a cloud of black miasma. Prompto knew what that meant; Noct had done what he’d promised. He’d saved the Eos from eternal darkness. The other indication that things had shifted was his gun he couldn’t dismiss into the armiger anymore.
However, at that exact moment, Prompto didn’t know for certain whether or not Noct had survived his battle against Ardyn. Their plan to stick together until the end hadn’t worked out. Ardyn had easily separated them and left Gladio, Ignis, and him to fight a daemon army alone. The onslaught had been so great that Prompto had lost track of his friends.
In a panic, he began to run around looking for signs of life. He knew where they’d all head to, they’d check on Noct first. Ignis had figured out how Noct could beat Ardyn without having to die in the process, but that didn’t mean it had played out that way.
It was in his frantic run up the battered steps to the citadel that he spotted Gladio limping towards him. “Do you think he made it?” Prompto asked with worry.
“Dunno blondie, we gotta get there first to check. Where’s Iggy?” he huffed in obvious discomfort.
Prompto scanned the area but saw no sign of the advisor. The urge to look for him was overwhelming but he also needed to see Noct. Forcing the thoughts away that suggested death and loss he forged ahead. Gladio refused aid when they were near enough; he practically shoved him away and up the steps.
“Don’t wait for me, we need to find Noct and Iggy.”
“On it!” Prompto replied as he sprinted up the stairs. Gladio’s grunts of pain sounded out behind him as he ran towards the throne room. That was the last place they’d seen them. Noct and Ardyn.
Ripping open the door Prompto’s breath caught in his throat. There in the middle of the room was Noct, lying on the floor. Yelling out loud in a gut reaction Prompto raced forward and fell to his knees next to his friend. Unsure of what to do he gently placed his hands on Noct’s shoulders and gave them a squeeze. The prince, no, their king groaned and scrunched his face up in discomfort.
Letting out an undignified squeal at the sight Prompto couldn’t help but smile and promptly start crying. They’d done it, Noct was alive and Ardyn was gone. Noct seemed to finally have enough energy to open his eyes to take in his friend losing it.
“Prom, I’m alright,” he said weakly.
“Prompto! What – thank the gods,” Gladio exclaimed as he steadied his body against the door frame. “Don’t scare me like that!” he hollered.
Noct didn’t attempt to get up but managed to roll his head to the side. “Gladio, you made it. Where’s Ignis? Is he alright?”
Prompto was about to comment that they still hadn’t found the advisor when a scraping noise nearby caused him to look up. There in another doorway stood Ignis, he was hunched over holding his side. The sheer relief at seeing him alive made Prompto shout loudly, again. His emotions were threatening to overtake him. Everything was happening too fast but not fast enough.
Gladio was still working to get over to them when Ignis appeared. The shield's excitement at seeing him was just as animated. He tried to hobble over to help Ignis but ended up falling over halfway there. What a sorry looking lot they all were, beat and battered from battle. “Can you make it alright?” Gladio asked as he panted heavily from where he’d crumpled on the floor.
Ignis didn’t answer verbally but continued to shuffle slowly towards them. He seemed to be afraid until he spotted Noct looking up at him. Their small moment of relief lasted a few brief seconds, but it was enough to set Ignis at ease. Prompto watched as Ignis’ shoulders sagged, he’d been unsure of the outcome, just like them.
He didn’t say anything as he carefully walked closer, his eyes still locked with Noct’s. “It’s done, you did it,” he breathed reverently.
“We did it,” Noct corrected from his position sprawled across the broken marble floor.
A small bubble of laughter spilled from Ignis’ lips right before he began to fall sideways. Without pause Prompto shot up and caught the man, guiding him down slowly so he wouldn’t hit the floor. Looking quickly to see if Ignis was hiding any severe injuries Prompto could only see surface bumps and bruises. “Iggy, don’t die or anything, what’s wrong?” Prompto asked in a rush.
“Got in a fight,” was all he offered with a small smirk.
“Look! Oh my gods, look!” Gladio blurted suddenly.
Glancing up, Prompto noted what Gladio was getting so excited about. There was sunlight, real honest to astrals sunlight beginning to pour in through the windows of the throne room.
“No one can call me lazy ever again,” Noct sighed with a smile.
“I wouldn’t dream of it princess,” Gladio said happily.
“Iggy, can you see it?” Prompto checked as he tried to hoist the advisor upright a little more.
Ignis blinked a few times, his green eyes catching the first rays of light and making his eyes water. “it’s lovely,” he uttered softly. Then without any warning, Ignis grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down into a kiss.
Unable to process what exactly was happening Prompto sat frozen in place. Ignis pulled away just as quickly and smiled up at him. “Wha – what?” However, Prompto didn’t get an answer as Ignis promptly passed out in his arms.
“Guys, guys! What just happened!? Ignis kissed me and now he’s unconscious--- help,” Prompto whined.
“Huh? What are you talking about? Specs kissed you? Like he’s happy we’re alive and thanks for helping kinda smooch or different?” Noct asked quickly, his penchant for distracted rambling coming to the surface despite their serious setting.
“It was on the lips,” Prompto offered still in shock at the turn of events.
“Wait, you mean he just kissed you?” Gladio checked as he dragged himself closer. “He’s breathing okay, right? You’re freaking me out again Prompto.”
“Yes and yes, you both missed it, but he grabbed me and kissed me, on the lips.”
“Huh, I guess he wasn’t kidding.”
“Kidding about what, explain!” Prompto ordered though it was hard to focus on everything that had just happened. They’d survived Ardyn, Noct was alive, and the sun was shining for the first time in ten years. Prompto was slightly overwhelmed.
--
Prompto couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the window. He’d been sitting and staring out at the sun-drenched landscape all day. A makeshift hospital had been set up in one of the less damaged areas of the citadel. This meant his current view overlooked what used to be gardens. The area was torn up from 10 years of war and darkness, but that didn’t change the fact that it was being blessed by light again.
Things that used to glitter in the sun were allowed to regain their life once more. Turning away for a moment Prompto peered across the room to check on his friends. Of all of them, he’d been lucky enough to escape serious injury. Gladio had a few busted ribs and a sprained ankle. Ignis appeared to have a bruised rib along with a bump to the back of his head. Noct was alive and simply beat making him a total pile of mush.
The three of them were resting peacefully; even in the tiny crownsguard issued cots they’d been provided. The arsenal of old and new recruits that had stormed the place after the final battle had been startling. Cor had led the small crew and was taking charge of organizing their next moves. Everyone was tired, but Prompto figured Noct deserved a break. He’d beat a cranky two-thousand-year-old immortal relative. That act alone should merit some downtime.
The four of them had been ushered into the space as soon as it had been cleared and readied. Cor seemed to understand that they needed some alone time. This was how Prompto found himself sitting on a cot staring out the window and pondering the future.
The only noise to be heard in the small room was Gladio and Noct snoring, a true sign of their utter exhaustion. They were safe and that’s all that mattered at the moment. Though, when Prompto had decided that he wanted to sit on the cot nearest to Ignis no one challenged him. Now that the frenzy was over Prompto had time to think. He could go back and analyze the way Ignis interacted with him. The advisor had always been kind but maybe there had been something more, and Prompto had missed it somehow. Glancing over at to the man in question, Prompto was happy to see he was resting comfortably. Covered in blankets up to his chin, Prompto watched the steady rise and fall of his chest as Ignis slept.
Was there any possibility that the kiss had been purely friendly in nature? They had just finished saving the world so maybe Ignis had been really, really happy about it. Or without his glasses, he thought Prompto was Noct. Shaking his head at the thought Prompto debated about what to do when Ignis woke up again. He might not even remember the incident, though Gladio had indicated it wasn’t as spontaneous as Prompto thought.
Ignis had told Gladio one night years ago that if he ever saw the sun again he’d act on his feelings. Whatever those feelings might have been no one knew except the man sleeping in the cot next to him. Unfortunately, Ignis hadn’t told Gladio anything more after that. Prompto would have to figure out the real meaning behind the kiss on his own.
Thankfully, he didn’t have to ruminate for much longer, when Ignis let out a long breath and moved slightly. Hopping off his cot, Prompto dropped down on his knees next to Ignis. “Hey, how you are feeling?” he asked quickly hoping to dispel any lingering fears as Ignis woke.
The first sound that tumbled past the advisor's lips didn’t sound like words, but he did manage to open his eyes. “Mhnnn, m’not dreaming am I?”
“No! It’s really over, we won.”
“Good, I don’t think I can get up, I need to sleep for another week,” Ignis sighed.
Laughing at how uncharacteristic the comment was Prompto couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I think Noct is gonna win that game.”
Ignis turned to look around and huffed out a small breath. “He’s always been excellent at taking naps. He’s not injured is he?” he checked quickly, the thought seeming to have just come to mind.
“Not that we can tell, he was grumbling about being sore, but he’s alright otherwise.”
“Good, and Gladio?”
“Same, he’s a little more beat up than the rest of us but he’s fine too.”
“And you? You seem in good spirits.”
“I’m fine, still sorta shell shocked that this is all real. I’ve been staring out the window looking at the sunlight, gods Iggy we did it!”
“That we did,” Ignis smiled and held his gaze. Vibrant green eyes roamed his face but never looked away. “I hope you didn’t mind my display earlier.”
Perking up at the subject Prompto shuffled a little closer. “You mean when you kissed me?”
“Yes, that. I’d promised myself a little something self-indulgent if we ever managed to see the sun again. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I simply couldn’t deny myself any longer.”
“I wasn’t uncomfortable, um – just surprised,” Prompto offered quietly. “I didn’t know you liked me that way.”
Ignis laughed softly and worked his arm out from under the covers. “I’ve liked you that way for a few years,” he said while reaching out his arm to grab a fist full of Prompto’s shirt. “I assumed I’d be forgiven given the circumstances. If you weren’t interested, that is.”
“Uh – but I don’t want to forgive you.”
“Oh, for what reason exactly?” Ignis asked puzzled.
Prompto was sure the grip on his shirt had gotten incrementally tighter. Ignis was still looking at him, though he appeared to be nervous if his slightly furrowed brow was anything to go on. Taking a deep breath Prompto said what he felt was right. “I don’t think people have to forgive someone if they aren’t upset.”
Unable to brace himself, Prompto fell on the cot when Ignis pulled him forward. Their noses were only a few inches apart now and Prompto could see every beauty mark on Ignis’ face in stunning detail.
The advisor swallowed hard and took a steadying breath, “Might I be correct in assuming I’ll be given another free pass should I act so brazenly in the future?”
Prompto could only nod his head and wait. This was all so new, but he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t like the idea. Ignis had been one of his best friends for over a decade. The chance to explore something more with him was exciting.
Without realizing it, the gap between them had shrunk. Ignis had maintained his grip and didn’t appear to be letting go anytime soon. Deciding to just go for it, Prompto leaned in the rest of the way. The kiss was soft and delicate. Nothing at all like Prompto was expecting. The brief taste he’d had earlier was nothing like this.
The moment Ignis released his hold; Prompto surged up and held Ignis’ face in between his hands. The advisor's arms were twined around his waist and pulling him close. Not wanting to crush the man Prompto had to break apart to brace himself on the cot. “Careful there,” he rasped, “I don’t want to crush you.”
“I’m sturdier than I look,” was the husky reply he received.
“I know you are, but maybe you should rest some more?”
“Only if you join me, I simply can’t let you slip away, not after,” Ignis paused and licked his lips, “not after that.”
Prompto didn’t have to be asked twice, grinning like an idiot he quickly shucked off his shoes and gingerly crawled under the covers. “Tell me if I hurt you at all, kay?”
“You could never hurt me.”
“I’m serious!” Prompto huffed as he worked to situate his legs comfortably.
“You’re doing splendid, don’t worry about it.”
Snorting at Ignis’ attitude, Prompto finally came to rest with his arm across the advisors’ waist. His injury was further up and Prompto was being extra careful not to jostle the man. “I still can’t believe this is happening.”
“What, the light coming back, Noct surviving, or us kissing?”
“Oh em gee, all of it!” Prompto yelped but not loud enough to wake the others.
“It appears the dawn has brought with it renewed hope,” Ignis uttered right before his eyes slipped shut.
Prompto knew he had to be tired, he’d only been able to rest for a few hours. Ignis most likely needed a few days to sleep and recoup his energy. Smiling at the idea that they would get to repeat their previous activities, Prompto snuggled closer and allowed his body to shut down. They had more to talk about and more to do but it could wait. Life was going to get better, it already was better.
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Treat You Better - Tyrus AU
pt. IV: He’s Not Here Is He
part 1 / previous part
Cyrus and TJ have their first work session outside of school, it doesn’t go exactly as Cyrus plans.
i feel like the more parts of this i write the longer each part will get
ahaha
enjoy.
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———
The Goodman house was filled with the scent of clorox wipes and lemon soap on this fine Sunday morning. Cyrus had been frantically running around trying to get his house under control, although, his house was rarely far from under control. But today he felt like it needed to be perfect.
Cyrus pulled out a candle from a cabinet and set it in the center of their dining table. He found a lighter in a drawer full of miscellaneous objects and papers. The aroma of cinnamon and apples began to overtake the scent of cleaning products when the doorbell rang. The sudden sound caused Cyrus to jump, but his brief fear was quickly replaced with a different sense of panic when he realized who was waiting on the other side of that door.
Cyrus looked out the peephole and sure enough TJ Kippen was standing there, wearing a green and black sweatshirt, the kind with a quarter-zipper at the top, paired with some jeans. Cyrus became suddenly very aware of the sweat beginning to coat his palms. He wiped them on his own jeans and grabbed the door handle with a deep breath.
When Cyrus opened the door, TJ had his hand halfway through his hair and was looking off at some of the other houses. However, he quickly turned his attention to Cyrus, his face lighting up and a smile spreading across his face. Cyrus let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding and couldn’t help but smile back, a strange sense of relief running through him.
“Hey!” TJ beamed at him.
“Hey.”
He didn’t mean to stare at TJ, just something about the way TJ’s hair had been flopping freely recently had gotten the better of Cyrus. Or maybe it was his eyes, his eyes always ran his train of thought off their tracks, (which was not very much appreciated). Today especially for some reason, his green eyes were causing Cyrus to relax every muscle in his body. Something was so comforting about them that he just couldn’t describe.
“Can I,” TJ smiled as he pointed into Cyrus’s house.
“Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.” Cyrus stuttered as he moved himself and the door to the side, allowing TJ to enter.
As he stepped in his head slowly surveyed the interior of Cyrus’s house. It was a fairly large place, it had high celings with a very open floor plan, every room flowed into the other. Grey and blue walls complemented each other and were accompanied with Cyrus’s baby pictures as well as many family portraits. Cyrus couldn’t help but notice the slight awe on TJ’s face.
“What is it?”
“Huh? Oh nothing it’s just your house is,” TJ gesticulated randomly. “Bigger, than I expected, I guess.”
“Oh.” Cyrus hadn’t really thought much of it before. Both his parents had fairly large houses, what with the whole family in the medical field, he supposed they made a pretty decent living.
TJ’s eyes finally landed on Cyrus and he settled back to his casual demeanor.
“So, should we get started?”
***
The two boys had been sitting at Cyrus’s kitchen table for what was probably a little over an hour and had gotten a lot of their work done, granted, they still had plenty to go. TJ had been very helpful which had honestly suprised Cyrus. Maybe it’s just years worth of ingrained stereotyping having taken control on Cyrus but he just kind of assumed TJ was the kind of kid who slacked off and cheated on tests, but he seemed genuinely interested in the work. Well, for a while at least.
“I’m bored.” TJ suddenly announced. The break in silence startled Cyrus for a moment as he had also started to lose concentration.
“Yeah. Me too.”
“Let’s go do something.” TJ closed the notebook he had been taking notes in and stood up.
“What? We still have work to do.” Cyrus protested.
“We have weeks to do work. Come on, if we don’t give ourselves a break then our work is going to become sloppy, and we can’t have that can we?” TJ was wearing that mischievous smile again. He wore that smile a lot now that Cyrus thought about it, but he wasn’t complaining.
If he’s being honest, Cyrus agreed with him. He was beginning to think he was loosing brain cells rather than gaining them at this point and he could feel that he was getting antsy. But a part of him still wasn’t sure if it was the best idea.
“I don’t think Dylan would like that...” Cyrus said quietly, looking back down at his own notes. He had subconsciously started picking at the corner of his notebook, which was already rather run down from all the times he had done so previously.
TJ’s smile didn’t fade one bit, if anything, he looked more mischievous. He leaned a little bit closer to Cyrus from across the table.
“Dylan isn’t here, is he.”
Cyrus looked up at TJ and they locked eyes. TJ raised his eyebrows as if inviting him one more time. Cyrus felt himself start to smile and turned his head so he was now looking at the glass doors leading to his backyard.
“I can’t believe you.” He said shaking his head, smile still stuck on his face.
“That sounds like a yes to me.” TJ stood up straight again and walked around the table to wear Cyrus was sitting. He reached out a hand to which Cyrus just glared at, although whatever emotion he was attempting to convey hadn’t quite reached intensity.
“What’s life without a little adventure, right?” TJ teased.
Cyrus stood up from his seat, pointedly not accepting TJ’s hand. “Don’t push it.”
“Whatever you say.” The blonde raised his hands in surrender causing Cyrus to roll his eyes, despite of the smile that still refused to leave his face. He walked over to his front door, TJ close behind.
Once they were on the sidewalk Cyrus asked, “So, where are we headed.”
TJ shrugged.
“You don’t know?”
“Nope.”
“You didn’t come up with a plan before we left?”
He shook his head. “I like just going wherever the universe takes me.”
“That sounds incredibly stressful.”
“Only if you make it incredibly stressful.”
“Making things more stressful than they need to be is kind of my specialty.”
“Well, making things less stressful than they are is my specialty, so it balences out.”
Cyrus wasn’t sure why that made him smile so much. He liked the idea of having someone to balance him out. He thought that would’ve been Dylan but he kind of eclipses him entirely.
The two boys continued to walk aimlessly around Cyrus’s neighborhood. It was a rather beautiful day, small blue patches poked out from in between fluffy white clouds, it was slightly windy but there wasn’t any bite to it. There weren’t too many days like this anymore seeing as the end of fall was nearing, but it was nice. Cyrus was happy with their decision to leave the house.
They had made their way to the main part of town where all the local shops were set up. Personally, Cyrus loved it. He loved watching small business thrive and people greeting each other as they make their ways into stores. Everything just felt so connected.
As they looked through the store windows, TJ would make item-based puns about things for sale, and try as he might, Cyrus couldn’t help but laugh. There were few times he even gave in and made a few puns himself. Dylan thought puns were stupid so Cyrus stopped saying them, but TJ laughed like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard every time Cyrus made one. It was refreshing.
“Oh I love this place!” Cyrus stopped on the sidewalk outside of Nine Lives, the local thrift store. Most of his statement pieces were from there, but he hadn’t been going recently as Dylan had expressed his distaste for thrifting.
“Do you wanna go in?” TJ asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. Dylan says—”
“You know, you care a lot about the opinion of someone who isn’t here.” TJ pointed out. “If you want to go in let’s go in!”
Cyrus pauses for a moment and then smiled. “Yeah. let’s go in.”
The scent of the fabric was one that Cyrus didn’t know he had missed so much. There were various racks of clothes scattered about and shelves of knick knacks lining the walls. For a second, he forgot why he stopped coming.
But then he remembered and got sad. But it only lasted a second, less than a second, because he was there with TJ, not Dylan. He had been laughing all day with TJ, yet he couldn’t remember the last time he ever laughed around Dylan. Had he ever laughed around Dylan? Now that he thought about it, Dylan wouldn’t have done basically any of the things TJ had done all day. It got Cyrus thinking, maybe he should just break up with—
“Cyrus look!” TJ called from across the store as he somehow managed to balence 5 hats on his head at once, but as soon as Cyrus looked up at him they all flew to the ground, causing Cyrus to roll his eyes fondly.
“You’re a disaster.” He laughed.
TJ opened his mouth and covered his heart with mock offense. “I can’t imagine why you would say such a thing.” He bent over to pick up the hats which caused a bunch of shirts to fall off their rack. Even Cyrus couldn’t quite figure out how that happened, but it didn’t stop him from laughing.
***
“Are you sure you don’t want that shirt because I’ll pay for it it’s not a big deal—” TJ rambled as the two boys exited the store.
“Seriously, I’ll just come back another day with money it’s not a big deal.” Cyrus assured.
“Fine. But I’m hungry, can we stop for lunch somewhere?” TJ asked.
“Sure, the Spoon is right over there.”
The bell chimed as they opened the door to the diner. It was about as busy as one might imagine a diner to be at 2pm on a Sunday. Nonetheless, the two of them walked up to the counter and sat down on the last two stools.
“Ok, what do you want?” TJ asked while they waited for a someone to take their order.
“Huh?” Cyrus responded, confused.
“What do you want to eat?” TJ repeated.
“Oh I wasn’t gonna get anything since I don’t have money.” Cyrus stated simply.
“Don’t worry about it, what do you want?” TJ persisted.
“I’m really not that hungry, honestly.” Cyrus tried to dismiss the conversation again but TJ didn’t look convinced.
“When was the last time you ate?”
Cyrus opened his mouth to answer but quickly realized that he may have a point. Last he recalls, the last time he ate was the previous night at dinner. He was going to eat breakfast this morning but he had gotten so proccupied cleaning and then working and then they went on that walk, and now he was suddenly a lot hungrier than he thought he was.
“That’s what I thought.” TJ smirked. “Baby taters and a shake?”
Cyrus really wanted to try and protest again, but his stomach started rumbling at the sound of baby taters. He let out a defeated sigh.
“Chocolate?”
“You got it.”
When they finished their (reletively late) lunch, the two of them began their walk back to Cyrus’s house.
“Thanks again for lunch, I can pay you back though seriously,”
“Cyrus. It’s okay, you don’t have to pay me back. I don’t mind paying for stuff, and I’m getting paid this week too so really it’s not a big deal.” TJ cut him off.
“Getting paid? You have a job?” Cyrus asked, suddenly more interested in this new topic.
“Yeah, at the kids gym not too far away from the Spoon.”
“You work at a kids gym?” Cyrus repeated astonished.
“Yeah. Why? Are you suprised?” TJ laughed.
“Maybe a little bit. Why did I not know this?”
“Because you never asked.”
“Touché.”
The sun was setting at this point, thanks to daylight savings the sun was pretty much done after 5pm. The sky was still covered in a dusty pink with colorful clouds striping across it. Fall always had gorgeous sunsets, Cyrus liked watching them. He’d sit on his front porch and just watch the colors slowly fade into black as the sun fell. It was relaxing, no other thoughts crossed his mind, it was just him entranced by the sky.
In fact, he must have spaced out thinking about it because suddenly they were back at his house and reality was setting in again.
“What time do you need to be home?” Cyrus asked TJ, suddenly realizing he forgot to ask earlier.
“Probably no later than 6:30.”
“Do you need a ride? It’s going to be pitch black out pretty soon and probably not the best condition for walking.”
“Nah, I’ll just text my mom. She said she was out running errands anyways.”
“Ok, well should we try to do some more work until then?”
“I think we’re already significantly ahead of most other groups.” TJ chuckled.
“I know, but we spent the majority of today doing just about anything other than work.”
“That’s not entirely true, we worked for a good hour and a half, I say that’s pretty solid.”
“Right.” Cyrus said sarcastically as he unlocked his front door and swung it open. He moved off to the side, allowing for TJ to enter first.
“If you really want to do more work we can do more work.” TJ offered. Although, now that he was home, Cyrus felt a lot more tired than he expected to be at almost 6pm on a Sunday afternoon.
“You know, I think I’d rather just watch TV instead.” He said.
“I’m down for that too.” TJ smiled. Cyrus liked his smile, it made his eyes sparkle just a little bit more and softened his face ever so slightly. It was cute endeering.
“Cool.” Cyrus snapped himself out of his own thoughts and led the other boy into his living room where the TV was mounted on the wall. He kind of zoned out as he sat down and picked out a show. Well, correction, TJ picked the show, Cyrus just had the controller. They were sitting next to each other on the couch and TJ’s knee was touching Cyrus’s, making him realize they were sat rather close together considering the how large and empty the couch was. Cyrus moved his knee out from TJ’s contact but he still found him self feeling sad at the movement.
Today with TJ had been odd. Not in a bad way, it was actually a good day, a great one even, but that’s why it was so strange. Today Cyrus laughed harder than he had in a long time, his cheeks were still sore from smiling so wide. His legs were aching from all the walking and his skin felt cold to the touch, but he was warm inside. He was happy, and it was weird.
It was also weird because just about everything they had done that day was up to Cyrus. Sure, TJ had proposed all of the ideas, but he left them for Cyrus to act on. He didn’t pressure him into choosing one option or another, he didn’t try to get him to do anything he really didn’t want to do. TJ gave him options. Dylan never did that. Andi and Buffy sometimes did but he mostly went along with what they were doing. TJ seemed like he just wanted Cyrus to have a good time, and it was weird; he wasn’t used to being put first.
“Oh, my mom’s here.” TJ said suddenly whilst looking down at his phone.
“Oh, let me walk you out.”
TJ stood up first and walked over to where his stuff was still displayed on the kitchen table. He quickly gathered it all and stuffed it into his bag. Cyrus then led him to the front door even though he knew where it was at this point.
“Thanks for having me over.” TJ said as Cyrus opened the door for him. Just as Cyrus had predicted, it was pitch black out other than a few illuminating street lamps and his moms car lights reflecting off the Goodman house.
“Yeah, no problem.” Cyrus replied. He felt kind of sad. Why’d he feel sad?
“Are you free to meet up after school tomorrow to do some more work?” TJ asked, almost hopefully.
“I can’t tomorrow, but I think Wednesday should work.”
“Cool. I’ll look forward to it.” TJ smiled and walked onto Cyrus’ porch. Before he realized it, Cyrus heard himself calling after him. The blonde turned back to face him from the sidewalk that led from the door to the driveway.
“Um, I- Thank you, also.” Cyrus stuttered rather awkwardly.
TJ’s brows furrowed together but his smile remained in tact. “What for?”
“I don’t know, it just— I had fun... is all...” He continued, still not entirely sure why he was talking.
But TJ smiled fully again, and that smile was worth his stupid blabbering.
“Anytime.”
And with that TJ walked off and got into the car. Cyrus watched from his doorway as the lights slowly faded off into the distance. So many thoughts raced through his head, but he suddenly felt like he hadn’t slept in decades. He closed the door and made his way up to his room and flopped down onto the bed.
His thoughts can wait. Right now, he just needs a nap.
———
———
previous / next
tag list:
@miracufan @abg-blah @maybeldontwantheaven @thebisexualweirdo @randomsmilingpotatoes @teagaysmitten @ohnoitsamistake18
#idk what ima do after this but its probably gona be angsty#so enjoy some soft pining#also sorry its choppy im a mess :)#andi mack#cyrus goodman#tj kippen#tyrus#tyrus au#tyrus fanfic#Treat You Better Tyrus AU
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Supercat- a small, round stone
It takes longer than Kara had expected for Alex to track her down. Almost two hours before she hears the crunch of familiar boots on the rocks behind her. Usually she manages within an hour.
Then again Kara supposes she might be out of practice. It’s been over a year since Kara felt the need to run away to some deserted mountain lake and avoid all human and alien contact until she calmed down. She’s been happy, settled, on the cusp of actually having everything she wants from life. But she hadn’t been able to get there.
“She’s worried about you.”
Kara winces at the words, the buried accusation she can hear no matter how Alex tries to push it down in favor of being the supportive sister. Because that’s what they do. They always support each other no matter what the situation. Doesn’t mean she can’t tell Alex also thinks she’s in the wrong this time.
“I just needed a minute. Maybe a few hours.” She’s done this before, after all. Run away from her problems for a little bit in favor of mindlessly skipping stones across a mountain lake. It’s the perfect distraction, both mindless and requiring intense focus so she doesn’t accidentally send a stone through the mountain across from her. She can think and not think at the same time.
“You haven’t been out here since before you started dating Cat, and she knows it. I do too, and we all know you know it. So talk to me, Kara. Don’t withdraw.” Alex never used to push like this, but she’s right. Things have changed in the past year. This isn’t what she does anymore.
But it hurts too much to do anything else, and even the last two hours of not thinking haven’t begun to dull the pain. Kara isn’t sure what will happen if she actually tries to talk.
“Okay, if you aren’t going to talk then I am,” Alex continues, not willing to let Kara off that easily. “You can tell me if I get anything wrong, but I’m guessing you were at the mall, maybe with Lucy because she’s great at getting you into trouble if given half a chance. And you probably passed a jewelry store, and there in the cabinet was the perfect ring. And when you stopped to look at it, Lucy started pushing, and you ended up walking out of the mall with an engagement ring that made you forget everything Cat has ever said on the matter. Am I close?”
“Bracelet,” Kara manages to say, relieved when her voice doesn’t break. “It was a bracelet, Alex. Looked just like my mother’s did. Because I do remember what Cat said, I promise I do. But bonding and marriage, they’re different. You know they are.”
“I do, but have you ever discussed that with Cat?” Alex has gentled after Kara explained, but there’s still a level of censure to her voice that Kara knows she deserves. “You get rambly when you’re excited, so did you explain yourself or did you get out a few sentences that didn’t actually explain anything before Cat reminded you she doesn’t want to remarry after four failed marriages and sent you flying out of the apartment still in your Kara Danvers clothing?”
Honestly, Kara doesn’t really remember what happened. She remembers nerves, so many nerves. There’d been a plan, she remembers that much. A detailed explanation of how a Kryptonian bonding differed from an Earth wedding, complete with the reasons Kara wanted the bonding and what it would mean to her.
But all she remembers is the look of shock and then pain on Cat’s face as she’d shook her head. She hadn’t stuck around past that, needing space and air before she crumbled in on herself. So Alex’s interpretation is probably the right guess. Kara doesn’t have to remember to piece the evidence together as easily as Alex had.
“Does it actually matter?” Kara asks as she tosses another stone into the lake, wincing as she misjudges her strength and it flies halfway across before touching water, skipping furiously until it hits the thankfully empty shoreline and stops. “I got excited and didn’t think things through, and Cat said no. End of story.” She doesn’t want to think about it meaning end of relationship, but she isn’t sure.
Kryptonians bond to one person for life, and the relationship she has with Cat is everything a bonding should be save the actual ceremonial aspects. And Kara, Rao help her, she wants it to be official. Wants some assurance that this, of all things in her life, this isn’t going anywhere any time soon. There’s been too much change in her life and she wants something stable for once.
They’ve spoken of long term, of years down the road. Planned out a future of family outings and holidays, even discussed having or adopting more kids. Kara knows that Cat loves her, that this isn’t some fling or midlife crisis whether they make things official or not. But she can’t help wanting that something more.
“Look, you know I try to give you guys space for your relationship, but you’re being an idiot,” Alex says bluntly. “First you spring something on her without talking it through first when you know how she feels both about marriage and surprises, then you run off for two hours without talking to her. I love you, Kara, I do. And you know that I’m on your side no matter what. But this time that means telling you you’re wrong and sending you back to Cat’s side to actually talk about things.”
Kara sighs, wanting to argue. If Alex had found her an hour ago, she probably would dig her heels in a little and refuse to be moved. But it’s been two hours of trying and failing to avoid the pain and she’s tired. If Cat wants to talk to her, had gone so far as to send Alex out to find her, then Kara isn’t going to argue.
“Thank you,” she says, turning from the lake to pull Alex in for a hug. “You always know when to kick my ass into gear, don’t you?”
“It’s what big sisters are for. Now get out of here before Cat hunts us both down.” Alex doesn’t wait around for Kara to take off, already trusting she’d gotten through to the hero. And as Kara watches her take a few steps, she’s thankful once again that Kal-El found her a family like the Danvers when she landed. It might have hurt at the time, but now she wouldn’t give up having Alex as her sister for anything.
It only takes a few minutes for her to land on the balcony of Cat’s penthouse and move inside, careful to move quickly enough no one could see her and make the connection between Cat and Supergirl. She isn’t sure what to expect, whether Cat will be angry or relieved now that she’s returned, but she doesn’t hesitate to seek her lover out. Either way, she needs to fix this.
“Kara.”
It’s a whisper from the end of the hall, soft enough Kara almost misses it. Welcoming and relieved, it sends Kara speeding to cross the distance between them in the blink of an eye. And once she’s in front of Cat she’s pulled into a hug tight enough that Kara understands how much she’d risked losing before Cat can say a single word.
“Next time you pull a stunt like this you’re sleeping on the couch for a week,” Cat says when she finally pulls back from the embrace. Her eyes are ever so slightly red rimmed, and Kara’s heart hurts a little when she realizes she’d made her lover cry.
“I’m sorry for running off,” she starts, leaning her head down onto Cat’s shoulder. “And I’m sorry for springing the bracelet on you in the first place. Alex already told me I’m an idiot.”
“I always did say your sister was the smarter Danvers,” Cat teases, poking Kara in the side. “But I think I disagree with her on this one. You’re not an idiot. You just make rash choices with an unfortunate regularity.”
“Like an idiot,” Kara agrees.
“No, like a young woman in love.” Cat sounds wistful, and Kara tightens her hold carefully. She doesn’t want Cat to feel squeezed or overwhelmed, but she wants there to be no question Kara is there for her. “Why don’t we go sit down and talk it through?”
Kara nods and lets Cat go just long enough for them to settle in on the study couch, where she immediately curls into Cat’s side. She loves sitting like this, feeling Cat’s arms around her, being the protected one for once. And if Cat is willing to hold her this way even after the events from earlier, she can’t have messed up too badly.
“Kara, you know how I feel about marriage-”
“I do, and I know I was wrong to spring the bracelet on you and think you’d feel any differently about a bonding from a culture you’re not even part of,” Kara says quickly, risking the interruption to apologize and make sure Cat knows she understands why her actions had been a mistake in the first place.
“Let me talk,” Cat admonishes her gently, but the kiss to her temple tells Kara she’s not in trouble for that one. “You know how I feel about marriage. And your three sentences of rambling explanation you managed to get out definitely sounded like a marriage more than anything else. But when you flew out of here I called Alex to track you down and she explained. With far more clarity than you managed, I might add.”
Kara blushes at the teasing, knowing it’s true. She’s gotten better at controlling the impact of her emotions on her words while writing, but she hasn’t quite managed the same when she’s speaking. And asking Cat about a bonding ceremony was definitely up there when it came to the sheer amount of emotions involved. She’s lucky she’d been coherent at all.
“It’s not the same as a marriage, is it?” Cat asks quietly once Kara’s flush has settled, the teasing leaving her tone. “It’s not some promise that’s easily made and easily broken, or any of my other many issues with human marriages.”
Kara shakes her head, smiling a little as she considers. “No, it’s not the same. A bonding is, it’s everything, Cat. On Krypton it allowed partners to be like one. We had our marriages just like Earth. But a bonding, it was sometime more. Our marriages were for status or comradeship, the bondings were for love.”
“Tell me more about the differences,” Cat asks, settling more comfortably into the couch. And Kara knows Alex probably explained, but this is Cat’s way of giving her a chance to correct her earlier mistakes and Kara loves her all the more for it.
“My parents were married,” she starts, following up by explaining the differences between their relationship and the one between Kal-El’s parents. And then the difference between a Kryptonian/human wedding and bonding.
“Kal-El can feel when Lois is in danger no matter where he is in the galaxy,” she explains, remembering back to all the times he’d swooped in to save her life right when she’d needed him. The one time she’d seen the change on his face when he realized Lois was in trouble was enough she could never forget. “And he can’t hurt her, the bond won’t let him. There’s no way his control could slip if he isn’t paying attention.”
When she’s done speaking, when she’s told Cat everything she knows about the ceremony and its effects on humans and Kryptonians alike, Kara falls silent. There’s nothing more to be said, not when Cat knows what she wants. The question has been asked once before and Kara would rather jump off the balcony with Kryptonite around her neck than risk Cat feeling pressured in any way. They both have the relevant information now, so the next move is up to Cat.
If she still says no, then Kara will deal with that. She’d make a mistake by running away earlier. It’s not a mistake she intends to repeat.
They sit in silence for long minutes, each content to curl into the other and think things through without any need to rush. Kara doesn’t know exactly what Cat is thinking, but it doesn’t matter. The arms around her are warm and constant, with no sign of pushing her away no matter the decision. Should Cat find Kryptonian bondings too similar to Earth marriages, Kara knows that won’t be the end of their relationship. And sure, she might be disappointed, but she’ll get over it. Having Cat in her life is worth the compromise.
“I don’t think I’d want to go public,” Cat says eventually. “The press would call it a marriage and drag us right into the same mess I swore I’d avoid. But if it were just our family, I could handle that.”
Kara’s floating as the words register, her joy sending her into the air without conscious thought as she twists in Cat’s hold to kiss her. “I don’t need anyone but us to know, if you don’t want to tell. I mean, Carter should know, and Alex will definitely guess. But beyond them, it isn’t important to me.”
There are others she’d like to tell, of course. Her friends and extended family, Eliza and J’onn. Her family back on Argo that she hopes will be happy for her. But again, compromise. She’ll let Cat set the boundaries when this is something so clearly closer to Kara’s comfort zone than hers.
“We can make a list later,” Cat says, chuckling as she pulls Kara back down to the couch. “But first, maybe you could actually ask me the question you stumbled over earlier?”
“I can do that,” Kara says, suddenly determined. With a quick burst of speed she’s located the bracelet she’d left behind earlier and zoomed back to kneel in front of where Cat is sitting. It’s not quite the traditional Kryptonian pose, but Cat wouldn’t understand the visual symbolism there. Not the way she would like this, with Kara down on one knee.
She does use the traditional Kryptonian wording, wanting to both have the connection back to her homeworld and set this apart from a marriage proposal.
“Catherine Grant, I stand before Rao with open mind and heart, certain of my love and devotion. Will you join me before Rao and our families, standing as one in the House of El?”
::I will so join::
The words are rough, heavily accented, but they’re spoken in the Kryptonian Kara so rarely hears these days. The tears that spring to her eyes at the agreement are as much for the words as for the language they’re spoken in.
She’ll have to thank Alex for teaching Cat the traditional response the next time she sees her sister, and for giving her the courage to come back and correct her mistake. Without Alex’s help they probably would have figured things out, but who knows how much of a mess Kara would’ve made in the meantime?
“I love you, Cat,” Kara whispers as she places the bracelet reverently around her fiance’s wrist. “From now until Rao shines no more.”
#Supergirl#supergirl fic#supercat#supercat fic#prompt fill#tumblr is being a pain with the read more so sorry if this is just on your dash in its entirety
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hymn
sum old dennor.....kinda angst, mostly melodrama
trigger warning for like one f-bomb
“Nor, wanna go see a movie tonight?”
“Depends.”
“You can choose the movie, I'm fine with watching anything.”
“Alright.”
- - -
At the theatre. The movie hasn't started, and Den’s already finished a quarter of the popcorn. He makes a bunch of stupid comments on the film trailers. I smile, holding back the sort of childish giggles only he can get out of me.
The movie starts. He leans against me, letting his guard down. I steal the popcorn. Den whines about it softly, and I shush him.
- - -
Halfway through the film, Den sits up. I lean against him, hugging the buttered popcorn to my chest. He rests his head on mine. The lingering scent of the detergent on his clothes wafts into my nose, and he wraps an arm around me. I don't mind.
- - -
We're walking out of the movie theater. The periwinkle sky is weeping. He asks me what I thought of the movie. I say it was alright. I wouldn't really know; the cosiness between us was too distracting.
He's giving me a film review. I'm staring at the clouds. Suddenly, something yanks me back.
“Nor, you need to pay attention to where you're going! You could've gotten run over!”
I notice a car speed through the spot I was in a moment ago. I look over to Den. Concern taints his bright blue eyes.
“Are you doing okay? You seem out of it.”
I walk to his car. He follows.
“I’m fine.”
“You're not getting sick, are you?” He presses his hand against my forehead, continuing to ramble like he disregarded what I previously said entirely.
“I’m not sick, but I might get sick if you don't unlock the car.” The rain's gotten heavier. Fucking Copenhagen.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He smiles sheepishly and unlocks the doors. I remain still for a moment, taking in his smile. That smile draws me over to him. Den seems like he's about to say something. I cut him off with my lips.
Our first kiss. Drenched from the rain, holding onto each other with our eyes closed. It was beautiful, and warm.
When the fog in my head clears, I recoil.
This would be our last kiss. This never should've happened in the first place.
I mumbled out some sort of apology, running away before I even noticed my legs moving.
Hurried footsteps splashed in puddles behind me. Cars stopped abruptly. My socks, soaked. He kept calling out to me. I know he was running too. But, I've always been the faster one.
- - -
I lose him somewhere in a labyrinth of a clothing store. A trail of dirty footprints would give me away if I didn't leave.
I went back out in the precipitation, I ran in a different direction.
We were being childish. I fled, and he decided to play tag.
It's almost like nothing's changed at all.
- - -
My sprint slows to jog, and that to a stroll. I look behind me. He's not there.
I freeze. The people walking by, the cars, the stores. Everything becomes a blur.
I'm worried about him. He manages to get in the stupidest situations, somehow.
My pride is swallowed. I turn back, and run.
- - -
Half an hour later, I find him. Walking out of a store across the street with a frantic expression on his face.
It takes a few seconds for him to notice me. A few seconds for the cars to stop. A few seconds until Den glomps me.
The world around us seems to come to a stop. A few seconds pass.
I would've fallen if I hadn't expected a tacklehug. He rambles, asking if I'm okay, why I ran, and how worried he was. The hug dissolves all the horrible thoughts and feelings, and everything feels okay.
“I should be asking if you're okay.”
“I’m fine, just kind of wet, and I also got kicked out of a store for getting the floor dirty, but I'm okay now that..” He pauses, and hugs me tighter. “Now that I know you're okay.”
Silence. We separate, and Den looks at me with an indecipherable emotion flitting around in his irises. The same sheepish smile on his face.
“About what happened, I.. I can forget about it. I-If you want me to.”
‘Don't even think about forgetting.’
‘It was perfect.’
‘Shut up and kiss me.’
All the words I wanted to say rushed through my head. The hurricane of romantic wishes and thoughts were no match for the chains I keep my affections bound with.
“Takk.”
He nods, smiling. I quickly avert my gaze to avoid seeing (or not seeing) any indication of disappointment in his face. Either way, I'd be torn.
“Let's go home!”
His hand brushes against mine. A nonverbal offer to hold hands. I shy away from him. He doesn't acknowledge it.
Is he as hurt as I am?
- - -
We’re in the car. Our conversation carries on as it did before the incident.
I'm disappointed he didn't force the truth out of me. Which is unreasonable; I can't expect him to do everything. He's too considerate to force me into anything serious.
Besides, it's dangerous to assume what he feels. It would only lead to more disappointment, I convince myself.
- - -
Arrive home, it's dark outside. The rain remains.
As soon as we walk in, Fin greets us, and Ice (sarcastically) asks how our date went.
The question's been asked before in the same teasing manner, but this time, Den glances at me. I hold my breath.
“C’mon Ice, it's not a date if I'm going out with my best bud.”
I wonder if I look as distant as I feel. My body's in the doorway, taking off my shoes, but I'm still reliving the moment when I connected with the man I've loved for centuries.
The memory feels like a dream.
It's fading too fast.
Murmurs of conversation hum in my ears. I ignore it, distracted by how I'd like to kiss him again.
- - -
Here. Alone, in the shower. I stare blankly at a tiled wall.
‘Can I fix this?’
‘Does he feel the same?’
‘Will we ever be more than whatever we are now?’
I search the beige tiles for the answers. Their vacancy makes my heart ache.
I give my own answer to the warm water running over me.
“Maybe one day, but not yet.”
I sigh.
“Not now.”
#i think the ending of this is unbearably cringe#but i can appreciate the rest of it more now that it's a few months old#avalonic angst#avalonic oneshots#avalonic writing#aph dennor#dennor#norden#hetalia#axis powers ヘタリア#axis powers hetalia#aph denmark#aph norway#melodrama#called it hymn because it kinda reminded me of the song hymn by chris garneau by the time i finished it
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sixcago gave me my gay rights
alternative title: review of the evening sixcago show on july third
this is like almost 4k and its mostly just rambling but i need to express how much i love sixcago
like at least half of this is just me being gay so i bolded some of the things that i found really interesting and isnt just me like, freaking out
so to start off: holy shit. the energy of the entire show was amazing, it was really funny and fun and the acting/dancing/singing was on point like i cant think of a single complaint on the part of any of them.
so to get into the actual show
ex wives
when the curtain came up and the smoke started pouring out i actually felt my soul leave my body it was such a good moment
less than thirty seconds in brittney mack made eye contact with me and i swear to god my heart stopped and i honestly had trouble focusing on the rest of the song
i am not exaggerating that is the whole truth and nothing but the truth
shes............. literally so good im still shaking as i write this like three hours later
the third repetition of the rhyme where they all sound kinda pissed off? they nailed that
adrianna was so cute when she said “you wont try that again”
andrea holy shit. thats really a wrap on that
abby got that like, kinda head in the clouds thing that i feel like is janes Brand during this part
when he saw my portrait he was like JaaAAaaa
i love brittney mack
courtney knew what she was doing with that prick line. get it girl
anna has the most angelic voice i swear to god
the six of them work really well together on stage???? like i know its all choreo and stuff but you could Feel the energy that they had together it was good
oh man the choreo for the end. im so gay
intro thingy:
adrianna with that riff!!!!! we stan
annas face after “herstory” was iconic. she knew what she had done wrong
you couldnt hear the intro for maggie bc people were cheering so loud
the way adrianna says maria made me gay
abby also knows what she had to say. she knows how cursed janes sense of humor is and she was really playing it up
protestent............ protestant
“we’ll tell you what you want what you really really want” this made me laugh so hard i dont rly remember the next like thirty seconds because i was dying
“the biggest.... the firmest......... the fullest..............” im. i cant
no way
“maria” AGAIN adrianna please. please i cant handle it
“OH muy bien aHHah” not to be Lesbian On Main but fuck this was so cute
her emotion during the monologue was SO funny
it was peak, it was so good
she really gets it. i dont totally know what it is but this aragon monologue gets it
when she said “really trying” she did like, a motion. i cant go into more detail but Fuck
so after “move me into a convent” everyone like, gathered around aragon and adrianna did a
well idk what youd call it but a like
her entire torso swung around in a huge circle right before “i dont think i’d look that good in a wimple”
and idk what it was but that part just made me Lose It
adrianna had this way of making it all a little funnier?
like catherine is usually pretty Serious, i think but it felt like adrianna knew she was playing a character who was Like That, if you will, and was kinda leaning into breaking the fourth wall a little
i can probably elaborate if that doesnt make sense
you say its a pity cos quoting leviticus ill end up kiddiless all my life
she said that with such conviction goddamn
oh, he doesnt remember
this was so good
the “sh-”s were really funny
the fucking. i dont know what it is but the *ting*
holy shit
i cant put into words
how much i loved that part
the pause after “i’ll go” was............ expansive
i just checked it was 10 whole seconds
that doesnt sound long but it felt like forever
she went high on “end of my life” and thank u for mine adrianna hicks
the amount of no’s was impressive and im heart eyes for it
adrianna just had really good stage presence
like i caught myself looking at her during the dance breaks of all the songs when i wasnt looking at brittney
it was just so fun to watch her go!
dluh
during the intro of like “yeah, you know, the really important one” andrea was doing some Dumb Shit in the background
like i dont know exactly what it was but she was just like
idk like noodling around in the back
and i caught her eye and she like, smiled a little
the gasps the rest of them did were....... cute
then andrea busted out a full on fucking witches cackle
then she stuck her tongue out and looked like she was taking a selfie and it was so cute
like, her tongue was OUT
“not my thing” had the BIGGEST uwu energy of anything ive ever heard
i thought people were kidding when they said andrea boleyn had uwu energy
they were not
pret a manger barely came across as a real line it was more like, an experience
the sorry not sorry choreo. its so funny and cute and simultaneously cursed
the way andrea delivered her lines here was just
it was like, cutesy and fun but also kind of cursed
uwu
when she said “are you blind” andrea like, gestured to herself, in a like “look how hot i am” kinda way
which might be the standard? either way it made me laugh a lot
don’t be bitter/cos im fitter was the only line in the entire production said with a british accent and it fucking slayed me on sight one hit ko
i actually like that they changed “mate, what was i meant to do” to “wait, what was i meant to do” because
it implies that anne had no other train of thought than the one she was on and thats very funny to me
i think it fits w andreas portrayal too
everyone was like, fake crying when anne fake walked down the aisle and it was really funny imo
and as soon as she got to the end anne like, turned, yk?
bro just shut up
the entire audience gasped after that
andrea had actual like, panic on her face
then she led into “i guess he just really liked my head”
and there was a beat after that, where everyone laughed
it was long enough that everyone got the joke
then she mimed the blow job
her riff on “hell”? iconic
“wait, didnt you actually die” no jane she was beheaded but she was fine
abby seymour said dumbass rights she has the Dumbest Bitch energy god
“catherine of aragon had tragically died” catch adrianna looking like, yeah it was so sad for me, how terrible, right?
then boleyn goes off
the. fury, passion, anger, zest, contained in andreas “MASSIVE-”
“over my dead body” andrea gave her this look like, youre damn right it will be
heart of stone
oof
okay so the monologue
oof
“i was lucky. okay, i was really lucky” o o f
“edwina” is still cursed tho
i dont know what it was about this. i dont know if it was abby, or the dialogue, or just it being live but
this made it clear that jane had been Through It
like, this monologue came across (to me at least) as unquestionably a “woman who was abused trying to justify it to herself” kind of situation
“and that’s not because i was scared,” she said, wearing an absolutely terrified expression
this is where she started tearing up i think
okay i gotta take a moment here because
abby was fully crying before the song even started
like somewhere about halfway through her monologue she started tearing up
i was looking for it specifically
i wrote this before the last part so see above
so by the first fucking like of hos you could hear her voice breaking
holy shit ms meuller what the fuck
im not kidding who gave her the right
at the stagedoor she said that after this she was like, “well thats it for my makeup” when someone complimented her song
she is crying. the first chorus and she is actively crying. in the breaks between her lyrics you can hear her crying
abby went high on a couple of notes in here
she riffed on “truthfully” and it was, wow
she didnt go for the whistle tones which was, honestly? the most relatable thing in this entire show
but a couple of the other notes she went high on and they were so killer
there was a second or two of pause after the end where everyone just, absorbed things before the applause
i have some questions for abby about this actually because i dont know if its just because the monologue was different than im used to but
i just want to know if abby meant to have everything come off like That but god
the mental gymnastics jane is doing here are so intense
this performance genuinely changed how i listen to hos forever
i dont think i can ever peacefully listen to this song again
this song gave me so many layered emotions thank u abby mueller
haus of holbein
hans................................. *holbein*
the chaos
i honestly barely remember most of it it was
i had no idea who to be looking at
but i remember it being beautiful
i dont have the words to express how
fucking funny it was
the accents were hilarious
like they werent great german accents, but that made it far better
they were leaning into the ridiculousness of it all
the way abby said “but we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty” had me on the ground
ive spent the last 24 hrs trying to figure out exactly why it was so funny and i think i got it
she dropped the german accent
and she straight up sounded like she was reading off the side effects of a pharmaceutical ad on tv
the freeze frame? legendary
anna and courtney (im pretty sure?) managed to look so genuinely offended that henry swiped left on them
your highness your highness your highness
god adrianna please
actually every h sound that came out of their mouths
but adrianna Got It
get down
oh god i gotta talk about “didnt live up to his expectations”
brittney like, half took off her jacket and gestured to her body and like, body rolled a bit and honestly? i was fucking dead
the sarcasm really jumped out here. brittney went off in the best way possible
she was fully fake sobbing right before “tragic”
fucking legend
brING me some pheasant!
the woof line is always a good moment but their facial expressions really made it work here
this song has the most outwardly complex choreo (ofc i cant speak to its actual difficulty) and every single one of them crushed it
brittney made eye contact w me again on “looking cute” and im deceased
oh god after “take my fur” she whispered “thank you. honestly” and gestured to herself again and like, i was dying
iirc brittney was like, skipping across the stage or something on “i look more rad” and snapped into position for “lutheranism”
we gotta take a moment to appreciate the operatic talent of that one “get down you dirty rascal” instead of the slo mo
like, ofc the slo mo is a good moment but
brittney went full opera and it was,
wow
shes got a voice on her holy shit
so much talent in such a tiny body
aCHYEAH
she picked the person sitting next to me to dance w her and
they did their cute little dance thing and then brittney gestured like, go sit down, and the person did, then stood back up and started dancing again
not like, in a bad way i dont think
it was super fuckin funny and after the song brittney was like “oh that was cute you think youre funny”
but i heard them talking at the stagedoor and like, brittney was chill it wasnt like a violation of anything
im not explaining it very well but it was really funny in person
everything about her on stage was just, so enrapturing
i dont have too many specific notes about this song because it would probably turn into just, me being gay, which is enough of this already
anyway! get down was good brittney mack is a stellar cleves
her fake crying is next level tho
the confrontation
boleyn, unprompted: i lost my head!
the beheaded cousins high fived after “nice neck” and like, stuck out their necks a bit it was so funny
seymours “i died”
we all know abby is gonna kill her line delivery
but GOD
and then after, she like, realized what she had said and struck a pose like, shit please still think im regal
the line itself was actually pretty, uhhhh, sad
theres something about boleyn roasting khoward in andreas voice
courtney with that “and your songs” had perfect timing
also “when will justice be SERVED” had such good punch to it
after she did that she like
rubbed her hand on janes face
and abby looked SO offended
theres something so, sincere about courtneys delivery of her roasts that i hadnt been getting and its SO much funnier to me
i forget exactly where but at some point boleyn aragon and howard were arguing
and in the background it really looked like seymour and cleves were having a normal conversation and i lost it like. they were just chattin
there were a couple moments of like, cleves and seymour interacting and it was interesting
aywd
courtney! mack! took! no! prisoners!
jesus christ
okay so i dont know if other howards do this or if it was just because i was seeing it live and up close and that made the difference but
for me the most compelling part of this howard was the fear
like yes there was the sadness/anger/etc like there was good emotion but
from the “he says we have a connection” re: henry, and then on, everything about courtneys body language just screamed that she was afraid
idk i might expand on this in a separate post because its a darker topic but yeah. holy shit that was emotional
not a single person clapped after the last line. they all waited until after “yeah, and then i was beheaded” before clapping
like the theater was dead silent. DEAD silent
it was like, so haunting because it was just courtney on stage at that point, with just the white spotlight on her, it was a Moment
im not sure i have the heart right now to get too deep into this
if it would be particularly interesting to anyone feel free to ask, im happy to get more into it but idk its just Emotional
actually this is already so long ima go for it
so on each “we have a connection” it was uhhhh parr and aragon (i think) who each put a hand on like, her clavicle
and for the first two verses she grabbed one of the hands and was like, flirty? ig
but on the one about henry seymour also put a hand around her waist and she like
she freaked out
and listening back to the audio i can
unpopular opinion perhaps but the actual emotion of her on stage didnt come thru in the audio
because it was so physical
like you could see how scared she was
which made it more relateable to me honestly
like she looked so so scared
it was heartbreaking
the confrontation part ii
oh BOOH OO MISTERESSES
“okay catherine, babes” is CUTE fight me
anna looked like, progressively more concerned as that beat went on, and then she just kinda like, deflated? it was really funny tbh
idk her parr feels Different than the parr im used to
during “oh im catherine parr i draw the line in arbitrary places” courtney was playing with her hair it was hashtag cute
BACKING VOCALS RIP CATHY PARR
idnyl
a cute little b flat major 7
yeah anna parr seems
hmm
she seems like she’s just, over henry
like from the start she just has no time for him
idk im Conceptualizing
anna uzele is
her voice is next level
she put survived in the “got married to the king became the one who survived” in air quotes which i think is an interesting note
anna got really physically into the “remember that...” bit of it and everyone in the back was also having a good time with it it was Good
andrea. she stuck her pointer finger between two of her other fingers on her other hand for the “my sixth finger” line and it was SO funny
khoward keeping aragon in line was
not the hot take i was expecting but nevertheless the one we deserved
both for “dissolution of the monasteries” and “well actually”
idk it was a cute character moment
one of *unsure, disgusted, vaguely annoyed* siiiIIIiix
abby was right in front of me and she looked SO uncomf
yeah, i read
iconique
andrea like, threw her head back for this line
the pause after “theres not much we can do about it now” is
painfully long and so so so funny
i was only really looking at brittney but she was like, arms down head up no body language it was SO funny
also her “yeah?” ended my life
she raised the mic up to her mouth while not moving an inch of the rest of her body
the part where they get all meta. has me dead
it was about halfway through this second part that i realized cleves had her coat back. i dont know when that happened. if anyone else knows when exactly anna of cleves gets her coat back after it gets taken off in get down please tell me. i genuinely want to know
this actually distracted me
i got vibes that they genuinely hated henry during this part
first off, mood
secondly, good
annas riffing. god.
she is so talented
dsfjksdf they all straight up left
six
the opening moment is really sweet and kinda funny
abby again killing it with janes cursed lines
courtney howard is actually so cute
when shes not being heartbreakingly sad that is
like her “bye!” was so cute
theyre all so supportive of each other its very cute
megasix
adrianna and abby both looked into my camera and like, i died
at the end anna and brittney were doing some dumb shit as they walked off stage and it was SO cute
after the show
i went to the stagedoor and it was a really fun experience! ive never done that before
it seemed like everyone was being pretty respectful and stuff, thank u six fans for being sane
i got four signatures on my program dklfjsldfjds
abby was such a sweetheart, we actually talked a tiny bit
i told her i loved her line delivery (because uhhhhhh i do) and she said that she tries to get in that comedic timing when she has Those Lines and like yeah
she was seriously the nicest
the ladies in waiting came out as well and everyone cheered for them and lets be real they DESERVE it
lemme sidebar here actually and talk about the ladies in waiting because
they killed it
bessie on the bass was living her best life at literally all times
brittney was also super sweet! i told her she had good energy (because uhhhhhh she does) and she was very nice about it!!!
i didnt really talk to anna or andrea but i got their signatures!
also speaking of my program im still losing my mind over “remembered for: headlessness” and “remembered for: staying alive”
thank u sixcago program
in conclusion! this was such a great+special experience!!! all of the actors were incredible, it was so wonderful
im also not claiming any of this stuff was unique to this performance or to sixcago in general this was just the stuff i noticed as i was watching it. if you clown on this post ill end u
#six the musical#sixcago#**#i typed up no way dluh idnyl and the after show part in a daze as soon as i got back#i got more of it filled in later and then i kinda lost steam#and im filling in the last bit almost a day later so yeah thats why some of its Like That#i ran out of energy for six/megasix but im not sure when ill get the energy so#and also this is Long as Fuck#and i have even more thoughts re: the cast and their portrayals#esp vs the west end cast portrayals
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