#also read this post ignoring neal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ouatsnark · 2 years

Text

CORRECTION! Regina got the Walmart villain-to-hero Redemption Story

Welcome to another round of “what the hell did that Regina apologist just say?” where I go over a fan submitted biased piece of drivel and rip it point by point! And yes, I do know it’s fan submitted and is indeed from an Evil Regal as I had a shouting match with them on twitter.

I think my favorite part is where this fan says Regina was noble for not regretting anything because of Henry. That is some serious code for “everyone else’s lives don’t matter when it comes to a hot female character that committed mass murder, rape and child abuse!” Well done!

Also I apologize for how many times I use “child abuse” and “rape” and “mass murder”. But, hey, this is what Once Upon a Time gave us! It’s not my fault the villain rapist stans refuse to acknowledge that their favorites are just utter garbage.

In my opinion, their argument boils down to: Despite Regina & Hook both witnessing deaths of loved ones and committing the same acts of evil, the show explored Regina's evil past more thoroughly than Hook’s but Regina’s reasons for turning evil made more sense than Hook’s. And ultimately Regina’s redemption means more because she reached the point of no return multiple times but a love for a child made her fight harder to be a better person and look forward to a promising future. A parent-child love is the only way for a villain to find a valid redemption because unconditional love only exists between parent-child.

But feel free to read the entire post to see for yourself: Killian Jones was a Walmart version of Regina Mills

My Argument: Yes, Regina & Hook share similarities but only Killian Jones received a complete redemption. A parent-child love is not the only way to show a villain’s change of heart since we very much saw a true change in Killian Jones. We also saw that Killian’s love for Emma was unconditional. True love is unconditional love and the show gives us several true love couples whose love for each other was in fact unconditional. OUAT gave us two true love tests that prove Emma & Killian are true love and goes further by deliberately paralleling them with Snowing & The Princess Bride. Killian also shows unconditional love for Emma by how he handles finding out Neal is alive and stepping aside to give Henry a chance at having his parents together. He also exhibits unconditional love by forgiving Emma for turning him into the dark one and accepting her reasons for doing so. He chose to always see the best in her and her in him and that is the foundation of an unconditional love. So the premise that redemption can only happen through parent-child love is a false one and clearly done as a way to reject Killian’s redemption status.

Never mind that Killian Jones did find his path to redemption through the love of a child: Henry. His relationship with Henry was essential in becoming the man he wanted to be since it showed how much Killian had grown from the vengeful pirate Baelfire rejected to the more humble man teaching Henry how to sail. Furthermore, Killian Jones’ redemption is complete and far more relevant because he: owned his mistakes, faced victims, showed remorse, faced consequences for his actions, demonstrated a change of heart and sacrificed his life to rid the world of the darkness forever.

Whereas Regina did not face any victims, blamed others for her actions, did not sacrifice her life (in fact she let Snowing sacrifice for her), never came clean about Graham & Marian’s murders and always whined about her own happiness. She also never had a change of heart as we hear her say she hates doing good (5x23) and even after her redemption she continued to behave like she was better than others by constantly putting them down, dismissing their pain and ignoring their concerns. Also, we should reject the idea of Regina’s redemption happened because of her love for Henry due to the fact that she emotionally abused him by putting her curse and her needs before his welfare and her abuse of him was never addressed but simply brushed away. A fictional character can’t have redemption through someone they abused when that abuse is not acknowledged. That’s not character growth its just a retcon. Regina was retconned into a “good” mother in S3.

Regina vs Killian: Becoming a Villain

Blog Quote: “Despite these similarities, the show explored Regina's evil past more thoroughly than Hook’s”

Basically says Regina’s reasons for turning evil made more sense than Killian’s.

Did it really though? Yes, Regina’s past was tied into the main characters so of course the show “explored” or rather spent more time on her past than Killian’s. Everything she did was to take down Snow and she hurt many other people on that journey. That was pretty much the driving plot on why Emma became the savior.

But lets break the down differences:

Regina lived a privileged life as a princess (head canons of Cora abusing her during childhood is not supported by canon and thereby irrelevant here) who never had to want for anything. She even had a doting father who may have been a pacifist but he at least loved her.

Killian Jones was abandoned by his father who sold him into slavery when he was just a child. That is in fact child abuse. Neglect and abandonment. He was abandoned and left to face whatever cruelty at the hands of slavers. He was raised by them doing back breaking labor. Can you for a moment imagine what that life must have been like for a child?

Their backgrounds could not be anymore different. Which one do you think would be more likely to choose a dark path if we take only canon into consideration? Answer: Killian Jones since his childhood was filled with abuse, abandonment and betrayal. He’d only known evil for so long. Note: this should not be used as a generalization because criminals come from all kinds of backgrounds but statistically speaking odds were not in Killian’s favor.

Blog Quote: They both committed similar acts of evil…

Imagine thinking Killian Jones’ crimes were anywhere near the same level as Regina’s? Look how black Regina’s heart is. What did she do over the course of the series that could have possibly diminished that evil? Nothing. She did NOTHING except do good things EXPECTING to get her happy ending. Then admits in Season 5 that she hated doing it. That is more of an act of an anti-hero than a hero. Which you could argue she is an anti-hero.

So what similar acts of evil do Killian and Regina share?

Each killed one of Emma’s grandfathers

Their own fathers

Abused Belle

Murdered people

Ok so maybe there is some truth to that statement. However.

Regina is the mass murderer.

Regina is the rapist.

Regina is the child abuser and child murderer.

Regina essentially magically raped an entire kingdom in both mind and body. Her curse separated families and had people sleeping with others they wouldn’t have slept with if not for her curse. Basically, Regina’s curse removed their ability to consent much like a date rape drug which is why we say she raped Graham even in Storybrooke and her attempt to seduce David was actually an attempted sexual assault. Her curse was vile. It also gave people memories of two separate lives and the second life was not a happy one!

Jefferson: Then all we’ll do is both sit. Stuck. Two lives in our heads, cursed worse than ever. Two lives, forever at odds. Double the pain, double the suffering.

Most of the people in Storybrooke wanted to flee the bad memories the curse created. And because they were fearful of Regina. But the Evil Queen stans seem to overlook the mental anguish this curse caused people. They now have two lives in their heads and the life Regina forced them to lead is the one life they’re really ashamed of. But that life is now a part of them whether they like it or not.

So Regina filled up her heart with plenty of dark deeds, some so heinous that there really can’t be forgiveness. So trying to put Regina on the same level as Killian is just absurd and erases her more heinous crimes. While Killian Jones should arguably get life in prison… Regina Mills should have faced a firing squad or possibly even burned at the stake.

In short I believe: Killian becoming a villain makes a lot more sense and at least his revenge focused on the root causes for his misery whereas Regina decided to make an innocent child suffer. Regina also decided to take on the very life her mother was supposedly forcing her to take.

Regina vs Killian: a Path to Redemption

Blog Quote: “they both had similar moments of bravery...”

CHANEL VS WALMART Killian stepped up to the plate. Regina stepped back.

I am not going to say that Regina was never brave or didn’t have her moments. But. Come on guys. This was HER MOMENT to prove she was sorry for everything she’d put Snow and her kingdom through and she did not take it!

And lets remember that they had no idea what the serum Evil Queen was planning. For all they knew she was going to kill the Charmings on the spot. Therefore, this moment here knocks about 10 checks off Regina’s bravery/hero column. Especially since she uses her own heart later to defend Zelena against her more evil half.

I have heard others argue before “but Regina had become good by then and already made things right with Snowing and her life was worth more than Snowing’s because of Henry!” However, that’s just nonsense. Regina doesn’t even regret what she did to Snowing nor has she done anything to make up for the horrific things she did to them. She joined their side to get her happy ending not because she was sorry for what she did to them. Also, Snowing had Baby Neal. I guess Henry is more important than Baby Neal? Henry would still have Emma, his real mother, were he to lose Regina, the mother that abused him for 10+ years. And Regina needed to make a sacrifice for her victims (Snowing) and for the greater good (the town) in order to complete a redemption.

Meanwhile, Killian Jones actually sacrifices his life to save them all from the Dark Ones then goes on to be tortured and nearly throne into the River of Lost Souls because he refuses to betray them. Even refuses to betray Gold! This alone adds about 20 checks to his bravery/hero column!

I have heard people say “but this was also cleaning up his mess”! I’m sorry did I misunderstand the part where he said he did not want to become a dark one? I am pretty sure he said he didn’t want to live if it meant becoming a dark one. So I am pretty much going to lay the blame at the feet of the darkness because the darkness was pushing its own agenda. The dark ones were the ones manipulating and using him so they could return. Then Killian had found the strength to break free from their hold and with Emma’s help end the darkness forever. Or would have if not for Gold. So no, this wasn’t his mess. He gave his life to end the mess!

Now a Regina Apologist might say “but Regina was going to sacrifice herself in season 2!”

If Regina didn’t sacrifice herself to stop the kill switch then Henry would die and at that point her perceived happy ending would be gone anyway. Her curse was broken and now the child she illegally adopted and abused was in peril thanks to her actions. This might have been a brave moment but it didn’t happen because she had a change of heart. It was because her plans were thwarted and there wasn’t an alternative solution.

“but she begs to be remembered as Regina and not the evil queen!” - Regina apologists

So? She didn’t want the kid she illegally adopted and abused to see her as the monster she was. It doesn’t mean she wasn’t a monster. It doesn’t mean that moments later she would have let them all die if given the chance.

And just to be fair, I do not count Rumple giving his heart to Fook and destroying Fumple an act of heroism either. Rumple had put Henry in jeopardy for his quest to die and join Belle in the afterlife. We know everything Rumple has ever done, aside from kill his own father, has been an act of selfishness. Therefore, it is my opinion based on his past actions, that if Belle had been alive then it wouldn’t have happened.

Therefore, Killian’s bravery in Season 5 far outweighs anything Regina ever did. And Rumple cancelled out his own act of heroism in S3 by pulling all the crap he did afterwards. All hail the real Once Upon a Time Villain to Hero: Killian Jones!

Blog Quote:: “He was not as bad as Regina - not because she was eviler than him - but because he never got the chance.“

But didn’t this blogger just get done saying their crimes were similar? Never mind the idiocy of this. Imagine applying this to anything else?

“We can’t call this murderer more evil than this violent criminal because this violent criminal just didn’t get the chance to kill anyone like that murderer!” SAY WHAT? You judge them by what they’ve done not on “what they could have done”. Goodness! I swear where do Evil Regals pull this bullshit from?

Killian was 200-300 years old. I think he’d have found “the time” to be “eviler” if he really was. But he wasn’t. We’ve only witnessed a handful of Killian’s murders and some we haven’t seen he openly admits to. If the show wanted us to believe he was as evil as Regina and Rumple then his heart would have been as black as theirs.

Regina was in her late 40’s (https://oncepodcast.com/forums/topic/final-timeline-and-ages/) when the curse broke and her death tole rivaled Rumple’s who is also somewhere between 200-300 years old (Hades, S5). Regina had less time but did more evil on a far grander scale than Killian did in all 300 years of his existence. That alone makes her more evil.

So a little recap: Yes, they both killed their fathers. Yes, they both murdered one of Emma’s grandparents. Yes, their evil deeds were spurred by revenge. If you look at just the surface then the premise that Killian Jones is a male version of Regina Mills may be accurate. But if you look a little further you see there are not only significant differences but that Killian Jones comes out looking a hell of a lot better with a more complete character evolution.

Killian’s Change vs Regina’s

As I briefly mentioned in my opening, this is where the blogger pulls the “child-parent love is the only path to redemption” nonsense. Now, this blogger isn’t the first, or maybe they were the first, but I have heard this sentiment not only from Evil Regals but from the KnightRook fandom as well. Since they believe that Wish Hook abandoning his daughter to go get drunk and plot murder and rape (and none of that ever being addressed) is good enough to make him father of the year and claim his five second redemption complete.

It’s honestly 100% completely false.

The only things you need for a character redemption are:

Taking responsibility for your actions without blaming others

apologizing to your victim

showing a change of heart

learning from your mistakes

remedy the situation if possible

and in the terms of a fictional world where we’re talking about magic, murder and other heinous crimes the villain MUST:

Make a sacrifice for the greater good. That means something beyond the character’s immediate loved ones or something that would benefit them.

All of this can happen without the love of a child. Though I will say, love of some kind usually plays a part.

So between Regina and Killian, which one checked off all or most of this list? Killian Jones.

1. Taking Responsibility for your actions without blaming others

Regina blamed everyone else but herself! In fact, the evil queen becomes a separate entity to blame so Regina can become innocent of all wrong doings and get a happy ending. She may have admitted to “torture and unspeakable things” but the times she outright blames others for her actions without owning up outweighs maybe the two times she mentions it. Especially since when she mentions her deeds its when she’s crying about her happy ending. So, no, I am sorry, Regina never owned her mistakes, never had a moment where she expressed deep regret for her victims and never came to a realization that she really doesn’t deserve anything.

There isn’t a single time throughout the course of this show where Killian blames someone else for what he has done. He owned up to his part in taking Milah away from Rumple and their son. Blames himself for what Gold had him do. He has come clean about where his rings come from. It took him a moment to face his demons but he did come to the realization that he needed to face David. There was the phone call to Emma in s4. He doesn’t even blame Emma for his weakness at being unable to fight the darkness at first. He doesn’t even blame the darkness but his own weakness! There are times he might have been ashamed which is human but he never blames his deeds as if someone else was responsible.

Killian: 1

Regina: 0

2. Apologizing to your Victim

Killian Jones apologized to Ariel, Ursula, Belle, David, and Emma.

Regina’s serum half apologized to Snow but that was after some of the evil had been drained from her heart. And no, I do not count the time Regina apologized to Belle to get Belle to do something for her.

Killian: 2 Regina: 0

3. Remedy the situation

Killian Jones made things right with Ursula and then stood by Belle when she wanted refuge from Rumple. He dedicated time to help saving the fairies after he fell victim to Gold (something he blames himself for and not Gold). He also tried to make things right with Neal though Neal acted like a self-righteous ass just like his father. Sorry pal but he who sends underage girlfriend to jail for your crimes then yells at her when she didn’t immediately tell you you had a son puts you on my “asshole” list! Killian’s other victims were long since gone but we at least know he’d make amends if he could.

Regina still owns a whole vault full of hearts and I am going to once again say she let the Charmings sacrifice for her in S6! Did she ever even do anything for Maleficent? I don’t think she did! And she certainly never helped Belle. Maybe you could count the Season 3 curse she casts but really she had no other choice so I can’t in good conscious give that one to her. Nor the thing at the well in S2 since that was Henry’s doing. Really what did she remedy that wasn’t for her own personal gain?

Killian: 3 Regina: 0

4. Showing a change of heart

We have Killian Jones literally taking pages out of Emma’s book and a whole episode of him talking David out of revenge. He becomes a Dark One with all of this power yet he gives it up and never seeks it again. He is tortured in the Underworld and refuses to even write the name of his life long enemy. Gone are his wise cracks, sexual innuendo and much of his bravado. Past S4a we see a much more humble Killian Jones that is reluctant to even call himself a hero.

Regina does stop murdering people but I can’t give her this one either. Why you might ask? She says so herself that she hates doing good which to me means she has not had a true change of heart. She remains verbally abusive and looks down on others. She may no longer murder you if you tick her off but she does so figuratively with her words and actions.

Killian: 4 Regina: 0

5. Learning from your Mistakes

I think Killian shows that he has with the way he helps Emma and David. When Emma is angry with her parents over keeping the past from her, Killian is able to approach Emma in a way that portrays his familiarity with what they are feeling and knowing how to talk to Emma. Then you have his interactions with David in the S6 episode where David wants revenge on his father. Killian knows where seeking revenge leads you. And we know that he has learned enough to be very uncomfortable about keeping all of this from Emma.

Regina, Regina, Regina. Let me point right to Season 7 when she teaches Ivy dark magic and gives her mother’s evil book to Robyn. Its like she has literally learned nothing. But Regina really hasn’t had to learn from her mistakes because all of her mistakes were either erased (her abuse of Henry) or were blamed on others (Rumple, Snow, the book and the evil queen)

Killian: 5 Regina: 0

6. Making a Sacrifice for the Greater Good

Only Killian Jones sacrificed his life and was tortured to save everyone and the town by ending the darkness forever.

Killian: Hits every point. Regina: fell way behind.

Blog Quote: “Eventually, Regina became motivated to redeem herself because she wanted to. Even if she had nothing, she would still try to do the right thing. “

Why did she want to though? It wasn’t to “do the right thing”. She hated doing the right thing. Her motivation was to keep Henry and to get a happy ending. The moment she sent her lover and his “wife” across the town line she sought out to get what she felt she deserved: her story re-written. She didn’t even pause to consider that she in fact didn’t deserve that at all. And her goal was never to become a better person. It was not to make things right with her victims. It was for herself. This is evident because she keeps her vault of hearts and continues to treat all of the other characters as lesser than her. The character has no growth! Except to “stop murdering”. That was it!

Aside from sending the Hoods across the town line, I can’t think of another moment Regina “tried to do good even when she had nothing”? This blog gave no instances. Does the blogger mean at the town line in S3? When Regina had to or be cursed herself? Don’t care! When else? She didn’t do it when the Charmings were facing her serum half. She didn’t do the right thing in S4 when she was treating Emma like crap and blaming Emma for what she herself caused. So I am at a loss here.

Blog Quote: “we learned that Regina had other reasons for her villainy. One reason for Regina's evil actions developed after she became evil. The bigger villain Regina became, the more hopeless she felt.”

Honestly when? All of this is stated without an ounce of proof. Regina’s only motive was to kill Snow, destroy lives & get her own HEA. That’s it. Regina didn’t want to change. Not until all she had left was Henry and Henry rejected her. Regina straight out denied her evil past was her fault.

DEBUNKING RANDOM TALKING POINTS

aka stuff that isn’t backed up by any kind of evidence whatsoever that I found sprinkled through this article.

EXCUSING CHILD ABUSE

Blog quote: "Furthermore, Regina never regretted the terrible things she did, but for a unique, complex reason. She could not regret anything because she learned how to love again when she adopted her son, Henry."

That’s got the be the biggest puke worthy Regina Exemption Clause ever & it’s not what she said or showed.

Blog Quote: “He is a vital key component to Regina's complexity, demonstrating the lengths mothers go for their children.”

Sooo gaslighting them, isolating them & trying to murder their child’s loved ones is great lengths and a great showing of love? Really? That’s what we’re going with?

Using Fanon to excuse Regina

Blog Quote: “Regina's abuse rounded out her character & helped us understand her more. With Killian, the show writers may as well have never said anything because it barely made a difference.“

Killian was a CHILD SLAVE. Regina grew up a privileged princess. Did Cora abuse 26ish old Regina? Yes. Does that excuse what she became? No. Does that mean she was more developed? No. It doesn't. Regina is in fact not well rounded at all because we're simply told she is redeemed without her ever having to do anything to earn that redemption.

USING ALLEGED POPULARITY AS A MEASURING TOOL

Blog Quote: Regina was the highlight of OUAT. Many viewers and critics say that she carried the show on her back

So because some fan wrote some biased drivel on a fan submitted TV “news” site… it’s a fact? Articles from Screen Rant do not reflect the general audience.

Let’s follow with this fact: Regina had the most screen time from S4-S7ep12. The show was cancelled that first half of Season 7. Do the math.

If Regina carried it then she’s responsible for those numbers and could not keep the show afloat once CaptainSwan and Snowing were gone. The show FAILED with her as a lead.

Now maybe if Regina had left and CaptainSwan had stayed the same thing would have happened. But you can’t point to fan biased articles and loud obnoxious twitter users as being representative of live audience views. Did you poll the audience? I think not.

The fact is that CaptainSwan is still being talked about today. Long after the show has ended there are still articles being generated about Emma Swan and Killian Jones both separately and together. Most of these are also fan generated but some aren’t. It is my belief judging by the content we see being produced that general audiences tend to gravitate more towards real heroes like Emma Swan, good hearted pirates like Killian Jones and love stories like CaptainSwan that show how far two people are willing to go for each other. Emma Swan and Killian Jones were a much bigger draw for your average audience viewer than Regina who spent most of the time crying about her own happiness (which is disgusting when you think about the magnitudes of her crimes).

ERROR. ERROR. ERROR.

Blog Quote: He descended into darkness after watching Rumplestiltskin crush Milah's -- his true love -- heart

I already touched on his descent into darkness but I just had to come back to this glaring error.

I am sorry I missed the part where the show stated Milah was Killian’s true love? Or even Rumple’s?

Daniel wasn’t Regina’s either.

And this right here is probably why you can throw all of their opinions here into the trash. You can’t get that one thing right so what else did you get wrong?

WHO STRUGGLED THE MOSTEST!???

Blog quote: “We never saw him struggle with his choices.”

Yes, yes we did. Season 4 was an entire struggle for him. He also showed regret when he slipped (the phone call to Emma, him trying to free the fairies, his shame over not helping Ariel, regret over keeping the scissors in s6, shame over how he handled finding out he killed David’s father).

When did Regina struggle? Hell, she’d have re-killed Marian if she thought she could’ve gotten away with it! Whenever Regina does something wrong something or someone else always gets the blame for it.

BELIEVABLE? LIKABLE?

Blog Quote: “Regina Mills is a far more believable character than Killian Jones could ever be.“

She is 100% unlikable. She wasn’t believable as a redeemed hero. She never answered for Graham & continued to be a jerk…

This piece spends a whole lot of time on how quickly Killian & Emma fell in love… but makes no mention how fast the Charmings forgave the woman that ruined their lives? And all she had to do to earn that forgiveness was admit she’s a sociopath that didn’t regret anything! How is that believable? It isn't.

GET A NEW ARGUMENT ALREADY THIS ONE HAS BEEN DEBUNKED!

Blog Quote: “Killian admitted that he purposely intoxicates women to sleep with them.”

THAT WAS NEVER SAID! People need to stop inserting words into that moment. Emma didn’t take his line to mean he was a rapist. She didn’t even flinch. Furthermore, drinking with women isn’t a crime!

TOXIC FRIENDSHIP IS THE BESTEST!

Blog Quote: “Hook and Emma would have been a far more satisfying relationship if they had developed their friendship in between, the way Emma and Regina had.”

What friendship? Regina treated Emma like crap! And did this person miss all of S3? Emma calling Killian for help, their adventure to the past … etc. etc.

KILLIAN'S REDEMPTION DOES NOT COUNT BECAUSE IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE ABOUT EMMA

The above occurred during the twitter conversation I had with the person who wrote the hit piece on Killian.

So because you think an arc was supposed to be about Emma you think you can just toss what happened aside? It doesn’t work like that. Whether you like what happened or not it still happened. And that right there is another prime example of why this piece is biased. You can’t toss out facts simply because you don’t like them then write some nonsense and say its all fact based. It clearly isn’t!

After saying everything I’ve said above I leave you with this final thought:

Between Regina and Killian, Killian was the only one to receive a complete redemption arc and possibly the only one that could since Regina’s crimes were beyond heinous. So the fact that the show tried to say she is redeemed without showing her redemption actually makes her the Walmart version of a villain to hero. Why is that? They thought she was too popular to kill off and killing her off was the only way for an unrepentant child abusing mass murdering rapist that never showed remorse or apologized and continued to be a bully gets any kind of redemption. She had to die for the greater good. But she didn’t.

#cs hate debunked #anti swanqueen #anti regina mills #killian jones #you come for killian jones i come for you #what the hell did that regina apologist just say

76 notes · View notes

charcubed · 2 years

Note

I keep seeing posts that are like "interpretations of bi!Dean and gay!Dean are equally valid!" and I used to be like, sure, straight!Dean is definitely wrong but beyond that, see him how you want, who cares.

But now (esp after the Last Call script) I just don't understand the gay!Dean truthers? I follow quite a few on sm, and when I initially followed them I was like "they accept Dean is queer, that's good enough for me." But now they're really starting to get to me and it's not really worth arguing about to them, but I wanted to rant to you about it, cuz you get it.

The script literally included "gorgeous women" in the bar. Dean has canonically been sexually AND romantically attracted to women. He's based off THEE bisexual Neal Cassady.

Like I'm not really trying to defend m/w relationships (lol) but why do even queer ppl insist on erasing his identity when it's so clear? Why do they have to take that away?

Gay!Dean in AUs is one thing, but in the actual, textual canon of the show, Dean is bi. And no, gay!Dean and bi!Dean are NOT equally valid interpretations. And I don't think I'm an asshole for saying that 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry it took a few days to get to this. Work and life have kept me busy and tired!

Unironically and non-sarcastically, Anon, I'm glad you've seen the light and seem to understand this topic more now. You are, of course, entirely correct. And you're not an asshole for saying it either.

I'm going to take this opportunity to answer your (potentially rhetorical) questions, and also bounce off of you and lay some stuff out about this topic in general at length for the first time–despite the fact that it may turn me into public enemy #1 again. I am already hated for non-combatively voicing these facts on Twitter (this thread tends to be considered one of the "ground zeroes" of the nonexistent "debate" lol), but I have avoided being dog-piled on Tumblr so far, so... fingers crossed I can miraculously keep it that way!

My hope is that anyone who is predisposed to taking this topic very personally just moves on instead of attacking me (or subposting me?) for any of what I'm about to say. I'm also not forcing anyone to read this, before anyone's like "that's way too many words" or "it's not that serious lol."

I do think this topic is important. I've made the decision to publicly spell out why. And if anyone doesn't want to read it, that's their prerogative.

To your questions, Anon:

I think a lot of this comes down to a fandom-wide problem (all fandoms recently, not just SPN) of not understanding the difference between headcanon and canon, the dimensions as to why that distinction does have its uses and its necessity, and the value in both. I'll get into this later.

But in this fandom specifically, based on observation and lengthy conversations I've had with a dozen long-time fans who are my friends... I personally think it's maybe a new dimension of viewpoint that's branched out from a holdover of "all interpretations are valid" being the party line people have clung to a very long time. (That’s also true in other fandoms, but I think it’s especially true here.) It's a form of solace people don't want to deviate from. No one wants to be seen as or feel like the ~jerk~ who's ~invalidating another person's view of canon~ in response to someone else's knee-jerk reaction of hurt. This is a fandom with early-2000s cultural baggage and context, where people dealt with feeling like the "crazy fangirls" who shipped Destiel and dared to call out queer subtext. Misha's "You're not crazy" tweet exists for a reason. I do feel like a lot of well-meaning people–aside from misunderstanding or being ignorant to the analytical roots of this topic and why they absolutely matter–just know what it feels like to have their thoughts on queer content in a show feel "invalidated," and they don't want to be perceived as doing that to other people. And/or: they’ve felt invalidated before (in this fandom or others!), and so they’re hypersensitive to anything they perceive as doing that to them again, especially if they tied personal identity into the projections they’re making onto the media they enjoy.

I understand that people don’t want to seem ~mean~ or make waves. I also don't want to seem mean or be mean, which is why I try to be as clear as possible whenever I talk about this and I never go after people directly (or interact/reference any of the many subtweets from people who openly talk shit about me. haha). But the facts shouldn't be seen as "mean"; they are simply facts. And yes, they absolutely matter.

Because the thing is... none of the above has any bearing on the nuances of the topic at hand, the indisputable fact that Dean is bisexual in canon and that claiming otherwise is erasure, and the truth that none of this should be seen as a threat to people's headcanons.

These are all things that people should understand, and I will not apologize for knowing that and saying it. Misunderstanding this–making the false claim that “all interpretations of Dean’s sexually are equally valid as long as you see him as queer”–is an act of bisexual erasure in this context, and it often (unintentionally!) plays into biphobic talking points. And yeah, in my opinion, that’s something people should care about because it’s worthy of both personal and fandom examination. It is, in fact, why “representation” matters at all.

Let’s not kid ourselves: the bulk of this fandom-wide discourse is about Bi Dean vs Gay Dean. So, y’know, that’s the bulk of how I’m going to address it to just get it all out there.

Right out the gate, let me clarify this: I am not saying–now or ever–that those who are self-proclaimed “Gay Dean truthers” or argue that “Dean being gay in canon is a valid interpretation” are deliberately coming from a place of malice and the intent to contribute to bisexual erasure. By all means, I’m sure most aren’t! Nonetheless, intent does not equal impact. I’ve even seen people say “I’m a Gay Dean truther and I’m bisexual, so how could I possibly be contributing to bi erasure by arguing for Gay Dean?” But in this situation–as in any other–no one is immune from unwittingly perpetuating harm, even including bi people. And it’s important to understand why that is.

“Interpretations” are not opinions, not all are equal, and they do require some level of skill. This is not a personal attack, or a moral judgement on anyone, or somehow a threat to people’s enjoyment of a favorite character. It is just fact.

Gay Dean is not a valid possibility in canon. There is no lens that justifies an argument of it with canonical basis. I have to break down why, in order to sufficiently express why claiming otherwise is a harmful position to take, so bear with me.

(No, this is not an invitation for a Gay Dean truther to treat this like a “debate” with me or waste time writing out a counterargument. Please just exit the tab if you’re somehow here battling that urge.)

For someone to say that Dean is gay in canon, here is an incomplete list of what has to be erased, ignored, or explained away:

• His sexual attraction to, romantic love for, and relationship with Cassie.

• His sexual attraction to, romantic love for, and relationship with Lisa (whether or not one thinks she was ever the ~ultimate love of his life~, attraction and love were present.)

• His stash of and enjoyment of porn that includes women, which is referenced many times.

• The moments where he was seduced by a female-presenting monster.

• Each and every time he made a reference to or joke about his attraction to women.

• Any fling he ever had with a woman on screen, and the enjoyment he had in the process.

The man is canonically sexually and romantically attracted to women, and he has acted upon that and even enjoys that about himself in wildly diverse contexts. It is a blatant part of the text of the show. (The fact that we are at the point where this is somehow a main point of contention rather than his attraction to men does make me feel a tiny bit insane, to be honest.)

Now, in my experience (which I don’t claim is comprehensive!), the people who argue for Gay Dean tend to explain ALL of this away under some form of universal umbrella of Dean being “performative,” a variation on compulsive heterosexuality they ascribe to him. The claim or explanation tends to be that Dean was performing a mostly-faked attraction to women based on his father’s expectations and outward pressures he received in the culture of his life. Moments are often cherry-picked out of context to support this “reading.”

Who is Dean supposedly performing FOR, even in the moments where he acts on his attraction to women when he is alone? How does this explain his significant relationships with women like Cassie and/or the legitimate visible enjoyments he received from those interactions, as well as his flings with women throughout the show? How does this explain things like the Last Call script, where Dean is very clearly written as attracted to “gorgeous women,” a factoid that is not only very clear on screen but also (of course) written in literal black and white?

(There are no sufficient answers to these rhetorical questions. Once again: please do not waste time trying to give me any.)

And what evidence are Gay Dean people using for comphet or performative Dean? The “evidence” is often a misread of canon, pointing towards the consistent theme and false goal presented in the text of the show of characters’ efforts to strive for an “apple pie life,” aka a heteronormative ideal family. Gay Dean people misrepresent what this theme and through-line in the show is actually about, which is the totality of learning to accept your life rather than striving for something ill-fitting, that what you need and want need not be mutually exclusive (family life including fulfilling romance + hunting life can coexist), family is what you make of it and how you define it, and there are no true limitations on what all of this “should” be. While these themes are inherently queer, they are not about narrow performances of masculinity, femininity, or sexual identity, but about making space for ALL forms of all of the above–AND about identifying what it is that one wants and thinks they can’t have.

Namely, for Dean, that’s a version of settling down in a life that fulfills him in every direction, with an open and honest mutual relationship with the person he is in love with. This latter point would be true whether Cas was a man or a woman (though the fact that he is a man of course adds further dimension of interest to the story). Dean doesn’t think he can have a romantic relationship / family that lasts, and by later seasons that yearning is a key part of his character. The times it didn’t work out for him weren’t because those other people were women, but rather because the “lesson” he internalized from traumatic instances of loss is that hunters don’t get to do ~the love thing~ or get the settled down life. This is stated in the text of the show multiple times, and that’s also why Dean seeing examples of hunters who made any kind of balanced life work (especially masculine queer hunters like Jesse and Cesar) is pointed and purposeful. To say it’s about comphet instead (with no sufficient canon evidence that supports that) disregards a key point that’s central to Supernatural’s story, and in my opinion it disregards it to its detriment.

For Dean’s journey in particular, it is about freedom from limitations of structure, and knowing that he contains multitudes. The things he got from John–loving classic rock and loving his car, for example–are no less core joyful parts of Dean simply because they originated from his father. Dean can love classic rock and still occasionally love a Taylor Swift song, for example. He can love cowboy movies and manly movies, and also enjoy chick-flicks. It’s the idea of learning that there are no limitations, not that masculine interests are not inherently something he loves for himself or that aren’t important parts of his identity. It’s an expansion to openly include more, not a switch or a narrowing. The same applies to his sexual attraction and his queer identity. He can be attracted to cowboys and bikers, and also be attracted to gorgeous women. Him being attracted to / loving women does not mean he cannot and does not feel attraction and love for men; likewise, him being in love with a man does not mean he wasn’t and isn’t attracted to women.

(“Last Call,” as an episode, exists in part to drive the totality of these points home, and emphasize that Dean’s attraction to men is something he’s known about himself for most of his life and acted on previously. So is most of the queercoding and queer subtext applied to Dean–which is specifically coding him as bisexual. His attraction to men is sometimes established or made clear because it echoes his attraction to women, etc. etc. Dean’s canonical attraction to men is a whole other post.)

So here we come to why saying otherwise and trying to shoehorn a comphet narrative onto Dean in canon is harmful:

Aside from the fact that to claim Dean’s joyful attraction to women is performative is to cut out chunks of the story and is thus not supported by canon, and it relies on making assumptions about and projecting onto the text… unintentionally or not, the implication is that bisexuality is not queer enough, or that being gay is somehow “queerer” and thus more compelling and a preferred concept, and that attraction to different genders is a heterosexual / straight trait requiring removal. No one is queering a text in a more revolutionary way or unlocking a ~secret good Supernatural~ by making a bisexual man into a gay man. That’s simply not how this works.

“Preferring” an argument for Gay Dean in canon requires explaining away or misreading all of those moments Dean has with women, essentially replacing them with trauma or suffering or discomfort that–in my observations–also sometimes rely on stereotypes of gay men. It also involves potentially preferring to twist them into behaviors Dean must have universally put himself through not out of genuine joyful desire but at minimum because he felt like he “should” or at maximum in an attempt to “fix” his “gayness,” even when no one was watching. And it points to the pressures Dean experienced about living a life that fit him fully–pressures that exist not just in his world, but also in our patriarchal world and society–and it implies that queer people can’t authentically experience attraction or love to someone of a different gender, because maybe they’re actually just “performing” the heteronormative ideal. As in: a “visually queer” relationship is the end goal, right? For Dean, that’s an m/m relationship... so surely m/f matters less, or maybe it can’t be a genuine and significant part of a queer person’s life.

Once again: I do not think any of this is intentional on the part of Gay Dean truthers, nor do I think it’s done with malice. Nonetheless, these harmful biphobic viewpoints permeate these conversations and misconceptions when people say these arguments are valid.

There is no canonical basis for explaining away all of Dean’s moments with women, and the story does not provide or point to any kind of cohesive narrative reason to do so. YES, people absolutely experience comphet in real life, and those experiences are valid and exist. YES, real gay men can and do sleep with or have nuanced romantic relationships with women before realizing they’re gay later in life. No, that does not mean that’s how analysis of a fictional character in a fictional story always works, especially in regards to a story built over time like Supernatural’s unique approach and the way it was molded to place queerness and specifically bisexuality at the core of Dean’s story.

Ascribing comphet to Dean in canon–or making any other insufficient justification for explaining away his attraction to women–is personal projection. And yes, it is bisexual erasure.

This is not a position fueled by personal hurt for me, as I would say the same here whether or not I was personally bisexual. It is an acknowledgement that these conversations don’t exist in a vacuum, and that’s something everyone should care to understand. I know what comphet storylines look like in fiction, and I know they are worth defining as such, and in other fandoms I even defend that very loudly. This is not the case here, and to say it is requires mental acrobatics that are objectively unsupported by canon... and invariably insisting otherwise perpetuates one of these harmful biphobic viewpoints whether or not one realizes it.

To say Gay Dean is a legitimate read of canon–which it is not–supports people who are erasing his varied sexual and romantic attraction to a different gender simply because they’ve decided they want to ignore that. “I like the idea of Dean being gay” does not mean that he is gay in canon, and writing meta to that end is a problem. It’s not an invalidation of someone on a personal level or some weird variation of homophobia to say that, and I do think people should maybe examine why they seemingly like the idea of him being gay more than him being bi, or why they staunchly defend it (or any other “different queer reading”) as a possibility.

I understand there may be the urge to be like “is it that serious” or “this is just a CW show,” but to that I would say… then why are we all here?

Clearly, most people do still care about queer representation on some level and understand that queer subtext is present and acknowledge that Dean isn’t straight... hence the origin of this new prevalent concept of “as long as you say Dean’s queer then it’s fine.”

But in any piece of media, the text is the text is the text. The text can also be compelling, and fascinating, and contain value whether or not it’s an exact reflection of you personally as a fan and as a person. Sometimes there is arguably even greater value in being able to find reasons to relate to the humanity of a character or in a story even though elements differ from who you are personally. It is an exercise in empathy, and it is a pillar of why humans tells stories to each other to expand our viewpoints, and it sometimes results in examining the sources of that empathy. It’s why “representation matters”: not just so we can see ourselves, but so we can see others, and find reason to empathize despite differences. There’s unquantifiable power in that, and it’s also why the diversity of queer experiences and identities should be championed and acknowledged both in fiction and in reality, not turned into a monolith. Our solidarity amongst our individual queer differences and identities is our truest version of strength and authenticity. We are not all exactly the same, and that’s a good thing. When care is taken to specifically convey that in fiction, it is worth not only acknowledgement but also defense.

So: do we or do we not care about why representation is important, and why these sorts of conversations should exist at all? About censorship of queer storylines, and diversity in the queer community, and solidarity in differences? About bisexual men, a vastly underrepresented group in fiction, and the specific censorship that affected Dean’s bi story accordingly? And about how these viewpoints people can place onto fiction through fandom-wide conversation–like implying Dean is ~queerer~ if you say he’s gay, or that you’re somehow sticking it to the CW and “straight culture” if you suggest he’s gay–can influence biphobia that translates into ways people see bi people in real life?

In other situations even in this fandom, people understand the value of diverse queer experiences. No one would dare to say that “you can argue Charlie is bisexual in canon because as long as you say she’s queer it’s fine.” Charlie is a lesbian. It’s very, very clear, and she shows and states that she is only attracted to women. Dean’s attraction to women in canon is equally clear, and is part of his bisexuality. Why is erasing that defendable?

Look: it is people’s God-given right to write whatever fic they want about “what if” variations of Dean’s sexuality through a different lens. It is not their God-given right to make things up about canon and call it analysis.

It is a universal truth that fandom is always going to take canon and mold it into other versions that they love, for their own personal reasons and in ways that have value to them. That’s why transformative works like fic exist, and it’s why fandom is awesome, and I’m glad people use aspects of their favorite stories to tell other inspired stories that are of personal significance to them. But the word transformative is used for a reason: it’s an alteration of canon. It’s not a bad thing or a personal attack on people to say that.

There is a difference between understanding canon and writing actual meta / analysis of the show, and writing AUs for ones own enjoyment and fulfillment. (This is true on AO3 or on Tumblr/Twitter. I often see posts that are positioned as “meta,” but again, are just cherry-picked weirdness.) These differences are important, as is understanding how headcanons and fic affect surrounding conversations and fandom perceptions. And this fandom seems to have a very big problem with understanding the difference between these things, while taking it extremely personally in a negative way when people try to explain why the difference matters.

Confusing analysis and transformative fandom does a disservice to both, and denying the value in the former is not only a form of anti-intellectualism but also removes some of the beauty in the latter. If we can’t distinguish and differentiate between canon and headcanon, we can’t discuss the value in understanding the canon, nor adequately discuss the artistic value and power in creating derivative variations from it in personal ways. Both are different, both are equal, both are vital, and insisting the distinction is needless hampers conversation across every space. And nowhere is that more true than when one is discussing queer representation and queer censorship, like in the case of Supernatural. Again, why are we here? Why do we care? You cannot argue for and discuss the problems of censorship sufficiently if you don’t understand what was censored–and in Dean’s case, that was his love for Cas and his bisexuality.

I leave you with this (probably unneeded) analogy:

Imagine Dean’s a zebra.

(Sorry, EDS community; not that kind of zebra.)

People are trying to say “Dean is a black and white hoofed mammal <3″ and well, that’s accurate, but that doesn’t mean him being a zebra isn’t its own unique thing. A whole bunch of people are looking at him though and saying “well I prefer to say that Dean’s a black and white horse,” because they like that viewpoint better. Close enough, right? A black and white horse is basically a zebra, right? And then there’s the people who are like “I think Dean’s a cow!” and it’s like, okay, no idea where you came from, but whatever.

The point is that those are all entirely different fucking things. They’re different animals. Someone wanting Dean to be a black and white horse doesn’t make him less of a zebra. Pretending otherwise is absolute nonsense.

This debate/discussion/discourse is equally nonsensical. That is the logic (or illogic) that applies here.

Just because Dean is “queer” doesn’t mean any queer categorization underneath that umbrella suddenly equally applies.

Dean is bisexual. And he is “queer” because he’s bisexual.

Those are the facts.

And for the love of God, please... I really don’t think I’m an asshole for saying it.

So, to whoever made it this far: please do me the courtesy of not hating me for it or trying to bait me into a fight.

I’m tired. Thanks.

----

EDIT: Couple of good additions!

• @doctorprofessorsong added some good details about how some of these harmful biphobic concepts translate to real life, and real things that bi people struggle with.

• A lesbian anonymously sent in her perspective as someone who enjoys gay Dean headcanons/fic and agrees with this post, and agrees that the fact that Dean is bi in canon is important.

#dean winchester #supernatural #dean is bi #bisexual dean winchester #HAHA I TOLD MYSELF I WASN'T GOING TO PUT THIS IN THE OFFICIAL TAGS BUT THEN I SPENT HOURS WRITING IT SO FUCK IT #[slaps target on my back and cries] haha here we go #I'm not linking it on twitter though. I don't have that level of masochism in me. maybe this will fly under the radar on here a bit?#spn meta #I take a marijuana level of high road on twitter constantly but fun fact I'm not immune to knowing people hate me for daring to say this #doesn't change the facts though! and unfortunately I do actually give a fuck! even if few others do #maybe this is so long no one will read it #char writes things #also I did absolutely plagiarize myself in parts of this. what about it. ok I'm done goodbye.... screams #PS people CAN reblog this btw. I am being a little baby wincing at potential backlash preemptively but like #I wouldn't have posted it and left reblogs on if I didn't know and accept the risks <3 I will speak the truth idc idc someone's gotta do it #EDIT: I stopped being a coward and posted it on twitter :) because fuck it! I stand by my words etc etc it's all fine #me vs adding to the tags as if anyone's reading them lmfao

138 notes · View notes

arcofacatboy · 4 months

Note

I think it should also be important to note all the problematic stuff IN Neal’s books as well, lots of fatphobia and the weird way he talks about disability in both unwind and scythe (that esp makes me rllllly :/ yk?)

that too yes! I was gonna post about this but I plan on rereading Neal books I’ve already read, as well as some of his books that I haven’t, with the goal of analyzing the questionable content in his books further. When it comes to reading books of his that I don’t already own, I’ll either 🏴‍☠️ or go to the library, to make sure I don’t financially support him at all. But I haven’t made that post yet bc idk when I’m actually going to start being able to do that, and I don’t want people to think I’m NOT doing it or ignoring it. Because it needs to be done, I’m just a busy person

but stuff I know is going to be covered in some of those rereads-

•fatphobia and ableism in AOAS

•racism and ableism in the unwind dystology

Tl;dr - I absolutely plan on covering the problematic content within Neal’s books more in depth than I have before, but to make as accurate of a post as possible I’m going to go book by book (or series by series, in the case of stuff like Unwind or AOAS) and analyze things that are problematic. It’s gonna be a huge task but it needs to be done.

#Not tagging but yeah! Neal situation update I guess #In terms of how I’m going to read the books… probably in order of popularity tbh #so the books people are active fans of get covered first #So basically I’ll do aoas then unwind dystology and then everything else

6 notes · View notes

cyberpunkpizzaman · 10 months

Text

Re-Reading Cryptonomicon

Last year I had a few posts I was working on around my eighth Cryptonomicon re-read that never really came together; they’ve been sitting in my drafts gathering dust for quick a while now. At the time I had this strange belief that a weekly post on what I’d been reading was at all a feasible thing to take on; you can find the first entry in that supposed habit here. But anyways, Cryptonomicon. My thoughts on this book, and Neal Stephenson as a whole, are complex. On the one hand, there’s aspects of his books and characters that evoke a particular kind of male nerd perspective that I find quite grating. Being a male nerd myself, I’ve met quite a few people who think and act this way and they’re often, in a quite earnest way, awful to be around. Unconscious misogyny, unexamined bias… the whole nine yards with a strong dose of intellectual superiority thrown in to boot. But at the same time, he’s an incredible writer. Enormous amounts of research, fantastic turns of phrase, and a good amount of humor thrown in. I’ve bounced off a few of his more cerebral books (Anathem comes to mind and Seveneves wasn’t a whole lot better for me) but Snow Crash, Reamde, and Cryptonomicon are some of my favorite books. And there’s echoes of myself that I can see in his characters, particularly the ‘smart but detached from reality’ sort. Sometimes Stephenson will say something like this and I could swear he was talking about me: “… but Waterhouse’s conversation doesn’t go anywhere in particular. He speaks, not as a way of telling you a bunch of stuff he’s already figured out, but as a way of making up a bunch of new shit as he goes along. And he always seems to be hoping that you’ll join in.” (Cryptonomicon) Or: “An idea springs out of his forehead fully formed, with no warning. This is how all the best ideas arrive. Ideas that he patiently cultivates from tiny seeds always fail to germinate or else grow up into monstrosities. Good ideas are just there all of a sudden, like angels in the Bible. You cannot ignore them just because they are ridiculous.” (Cryptonomicon) Or: “His feeling of disappointment that accompanies this action has nothing to do with the contents of the safe. He is disappointed because he has solved the problem, and has gone back to the baseline state of boredom and low-level irritation that always comes over him when he’s not doing something that inherently needs to be done, like picking a lock or breaking a code.” (Cryptonomicon) That sense of recognition in these characters is probably a big part of why I keep coming back, and why I’ve read Cryptonomicon eight times. It doesn’t hurt that Stephenson is very aware of the aforementioned male nerd tendencies and tends to call them out actively in his own characters, reducing that pain a fair bit. This time around I also took advantage of some extras in my eBook copy and read the entirety of Neal Stephenson’s 1996 article “Mother Earth Mother Board” about the laying of the then-longest wire on Earth. Thankfully it has not succumbed to link rot. It’s a monster of an article, clocking in at over 40K words (essentially the length of a short novel) and it’s a fascinating insight into everything from the history of submarine cable-laying to the technology involved and the political battles at play. It’s the kind of thing I’ll probably need to read a few times before I fully grasp everything it contains, which is fairly typical of the things Neal Stephenson writes. Anyways, now that I’ve got this out in the world I can finally clear out that drafts folder. A good feeling all around.

#jack-wrote #cryptonomicon #neal stephenson #reads

1 note · View note

ao3feed-brucewayne · 1 year

Text

The Joys of a Holiday Surprise (or sometimes Nightwing is seen Knitting)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/u7UH0aX

by UsernameXYZ

There is a bunch of traditions that each of the batkids brought into the family, but sometimes they can get a bit out of hand when forgetting about the bat-paranoia™️ that is a package deal when joining the family. Also underscored when super tired. But the traditions keep on, no matter if the sibling might be undercover at the moment or not. And sometimes they come with unsuspected bonus revelations.

// Day 354 of One Word Prompt Fics and this has been a year in the makeing

Words: 3463, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 311 of 365 Days of One Word Prompts (and my Suffering)

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, White Collar (TV 2009)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Kon-El | Conner Kent, Bruce Wayne, Duke Thomas, Batfamily Members, Clinton Jones

Relationships: Batfamily Members & Tim Drake

Additional Tags: Holiday Traditions, Knitting, Dick has a hobby, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Tim Drake Did Not Get Enough Sleep For This, Have some paranoia as a bat-treat, Dick Grayson is a Police Officer, Surprises on the 6th of December, Mother Hen Dick Grayson, Tim Drake is Neal Caffrey, More than one Undercover Bat, This fic was my first one last year, It also very much got away from me and decided to set it's own focus, 365 Days of Suffering: The Series, I finally have another thing that fits with the words, Let's ignore that I wrote it a year ago, And meant to post it this morning, I do not remember how tagging works, Batfamily-centric (DCU)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/u7UH0aX

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the cape crusader #gotham #dc universe #ao3 #ao3feed

0 notes

glitterinlowgravity · 3 years

Text

so I'm incredibly disappointed that there aren't a lot of white collar time travel fics

#like #Neal's and Peter's entire Thing is about lies and trust #but what I wouldn't give for a fic where Peter (and El? I'm picky about time travel and romance) go back to the pilot #post Neal's not death but before they Know #and just trying to prevent the worst of it #(also some lighthearted 'let's freak Neal and mozzie out with knowledge from Definitely Not The Future')#or Neal going back to that last prison conversation with Kate #and having to choose between his old life and letting go #also (ignoring any actual time line)#Neal and /El/ going back to just before/around the time Neal met Kate #and they somehow find out the other Knows much to the confusion of everyone else #yeah anyway I'm gonna read the like 3 time travel fics now

2 notes · View notes

wistfulcynic · 3 years

Text

from one minute to the next

A little something inspired by the prompts @winterbythesea posted here and here and here. This is not those prompts exactly (nor is it what I outlined on the discord, sorry guys) but I think it carries the same lighthearted dumbass energy as they do.

Also, Killian Jones does not know what a ‘date’ is. Fight me, show.

Summary: Emma’s not quite sure how it happened, but somehow she finds herself going from single and solitary in the city one minute to smoothly co-parenting with her ex, living with a pirate, and at home in a town full of storybook characters the next.

Home. She never thought she’d have one of those.

This is the story of how she got there.

(also no! curse! renaissance! 3B divergence without Pan’s curse)

<3k words Rated T

AO3

from one minute to the next:

Emma was never entirely certain how it happened.

One minute she was telling Neal she didn’t want to get back together with him, that it was just too late for them now, and he was looking sad but in a resigned sort of way, as though he regretted the truth of her words while still recognising that they were true.

“For what it’s worth,” he said. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to August. I shouldn’t have left you like that. If I hadn’t…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to. They both knew how different things would have been if he hadn’t left her. And they both knew that it was far too late to undo what had been done. The only option left was to move on.

“We found each other again, though,” she reminded him. “And we found Henry.”

“You mean Henry found us.”

“Yeah, that’s probably more accurate.”

They shared a chuckle, and for the briefest moment the years fell away and she remembered why she’d fallen for him. And for the first time since she’d run him down in a New York alleyway, Emma looked at Neal and she felt hopeful.

“Anyway,” she said, “Henry wants both of us in his life. He deserves that, and I think he needs it. And I think for it to work we need to try to be friends.”

“No hard feelings, then?” Neal asked, hopefully.

Emma hesitated.

What did she feel for Neal? There was still affection, of course there was—the stubborn remnants of a passionate first love that she doubted would ever fully die. There was resentment too, a lot of it, and a lot of hurt. A fair bit of anger. So yeah, there were some hard feelings, but there also wasn’t much point in attempting to hash any of them out with Neal. Not when they needed to move forward.

She produced a smile, slightly stiff at the edges but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Sure. No hard feelings.”

Neal’s face broke into a grin, the wide, happy kind that crinkled his eyes and once upon a time would have sent Emma’s heartbeat into overdrive. Now it just made her think of another crinkly grin, one far rarer and all too often tinged with sadness.

“Neal,” she said. “I’ve got to go.”

The next minute she was at the docks, breathing deeply and gathering her courage, looking up at the Jolly Roger and hoping Hook—Killian—would be there, in his cabin, maybe with his flask and one of the books that lined his shelves. More than once these past few weeks she’d caught him tucked up in a corner somewhere, reading, and Belle informed her that he actually had a library card.

“He didn’t have the required ID,” she’d said with a little smirk. “But I think we all know who he is.”

Emma was pretty sure she did know that, now, and the knowledge propelled her forward, onto the deck of the ship then down to his cabin where she knocked firmly on his door and shivered a bit when his voice called for her to enter.

He looked up, surprise registering on his face followed swiftly by the delight he could never quite conceal when he saw her.

“Swan,” he purred. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Emma’s heart was pounding and her throat dry, and honestly it was ridiculous to be this nervous, it wasn’t like he was going to say no.

“I’m, um. Heretoaskyouout,” she blurted.

He frowned. “To what?”

Emma drew a deep breath and tried again. “Ask you out.”

“Out of where?”

“What? No. What?”

“Where do you want me to go out of? This is my ship.”

Emma resisted the urge to smack herself on the forehead. Of course he didn’t know what ‘ask you out’ meant, he was like a thousand years old. “No, no, I mean out on a date,” she explained. Tried to explain anyway, though his confusion just grew more apparent. “Like, to dinner or something. You and me. Out.”

“Ah. Ah.”

She watched as he turned the unfamiliar phrase over in his head, watched his eyes brighten with interest at learning a new thing, then when he finally realised fully what it meant she watched a rosy pink flush creep across his cheekbones and up to the tips of his ears.

He swallowed, and when he spoke again his voice was gruff. “Let me be certain I understand. You want us, as in you and me, to go someplace and eat dinner together. Just—just us?”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“And in this realm that is called a date?”

“Yeah.”

“And am I to understand that there are… romantic connotations to these dates?”

‘Romantic connotations’, she thought, for fuck’s sake, and did her best to ignore the fluttery feeling she always got in her belly whenever he broke out the big words. Aloud she said “Yeah.”

“I see.” He swallowed again. “And when do you propose we have this date?”

“Um. Tonight?”

Aaand there it was, that wide and crinkly grin that made the blood rush far too recklessly through her veins, this time with no sadness lurking behind his eyes. None at all.

“Tonight it is, then,” he said.

One minute Emma was alone and telling herself she was content to be so, the next she had parents and a son and an ex who was almost a friend, and she was dating. Dating Hook, which she told herself firmly was only weird if she thought too hard about it. She wasn’t actually dating Captain Hook, of course she wasn’t. That would be ridiculous. No, she was dating Killian Jones—who was surprisingly, endearingly, sweet and nervous about it at first, like he wasn’t entirely certain her interest was real and was doing his utmost to tread carefully.

Emma didn’t want him always on his best behaviour, though, and while Killian was wonderful she knew that both of them still needed at least a little bit of Hook. And so it was that after their third date, when Henry was with Neal and Emma had made it very clear to her parents that they were not to expect her home before morning, that she and Killian stumbled back to his ship tipsy on rum but drunk on each other, and she made certain he understood exactly how interested she was.

It was very. She was very interested.

And when they awoke the next morning and she groaned at the glaring sunlight and pressed her face into his neck, muttering that it was too damn early and she needed caffeine, he ran his fingers through her hair and informed her he had a coffeemaker in his galley.

She pulled back and blinked at him. “You what?”

He flushed slightly, though with a pleased grin. “I asked Granny and she showed me what I needed, and helped me buy it.”

“But why? You don’t drink coffee.”

He shrugged. “It’s growing on me. And besides, I thought—well, I hoped—that you might want to spend some time aboard ship in the future and, well, I want you to feel comfortable here and to have the things you like.”

She stared at him for a moment as his flush deepened, then surged forward and kissed him, wrapped herself tightly around him and kissed him and kissed him until they were both breathless and the coffee forgotten until much, much, much later.

Another minute passed and they were marking six months together. Emma had rented a place of her own, nothing fancy but hers, and she and Killian were spending most of their nights there. Her bed was bigger than the bunk in his cabin, softer and with actual springs, and her parents, Granny, and Ruby had all chipped in to buy her an espresso machine. Small but serviceable, like her apartment. Granny taught both her and Killian how to use it—and honestly, Emma thought, you haven’t truly lived until you’ve seen a shirtless pirate with a hook for a hand whip up a latte on a Sunday morning—and she was, tentatively, happy.

Very happy.

She didn’t see too much of Neal. He spent time with Henry of course and with Belle, renovating the pawn shop and brightening it a bit, removing what traces they could of the Dark One’s influence. She also knew he was volunteering at the convent where the Lost Boys lived, helping them get accustomed to life in Storybrooke and make it their home.

He might also, she suspected, have become somewhat more than friends with Tink.

And then one night Emma and Killian had dinner at a new place by the docks, where they gorged on seafood and drank a bit too much wine and decided, for safety and for old times’ sake, to spend the night on the Jolly Roger rather than trying to get home.

Home. She had a home now, and a man who as good as lived there with her. She should really get around to asking him to live there officially, she knew. She kept meaning to. She wanted to, she truly did. But as conversations go that one felt so weighty and so significant that she wanted to be sure to do it right and so in the end she’d done nothing at all—nothing except feel that little bit more guilty each time Killian asked her politely if it was all right for him to stay.

Yes, she wanted to tell him. Stay forever. Soon she would.

They stumbled onto the ship and to his cabin, foolish and messy in a way they hadn’t been for a while. Emma realised she had missed this a bit, the dark, almost feral look in Killian’s eyes when he was just this shade of drunk and she was naked in his bed on his ship.

“You are… so beautiful, Emma,” he growled against her throat as his fingers tangled in her hair. “Have I told you how you steal my breath away?”

“Not for at least an hour,” she teased.

“Remiss of me.”

“Mmm. However will you… ohhh… make it up to me?”

He pulled back and looked down at her, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. “Oh, I have one or two ideas.”

They woke late the next morning as was their habit on a Sunday, and Emma groaned as the light pierced her eyelids and straight through her throbbing head.

“Killian.” She poked him in the ribs.

“Mmphh,” he replied.

“You still have your… thing. Right? Coffee thing? In the galley?”

“Aye.” He rubbed his eyes and blinked. “I believe there’s aspirin in there as well.”

Emma turned her poking finger into a caressing one, stroking him with the tip of it. “Killian,” she said again, in a wheedling tone.

“It’s your turn to make the coffee and you know it, Swan,” he replied, in his pirate captain voice.

She huffed. He raised an eyebrow.

“Fine.” She flung the covers off and rolled out of bed, snatched his shirt from the floor and threw it on, buttoning it just enough to keep it from flapping when she walked. “I’m guessing you don’t have milk though.”

“Certainly not any in a drinkable state. Though there should be some of that horrid creamer.”

She perked up. “Cinnamon?”

“What else?”

In the galley Emma found the coffeemaker and an open packet of coffee that smelled surprisingly fresh given how long it had been since they’d last slept here. There was also the cinnamon creamer, unopened, and a big bottle of aspirin. One minute she was pulling everything off the shelves and turning to set them on the table, and the next the door was swinging open and a person walking through it, and Emma found herself colliding sharply with a bare chest. A familiar bare chest. A familiar bare chest that was not Killian’s.

“Neal!” she shrieked, dropping everything in her arms. “What the fuck!”

“Emma!” He looked equally stunned. “What the—what are you doing here?”

“Here on my—on Hook’s ship, you mean?” My boyfriend’s ship, she wanted to say, but calling a 300-year-old pirate a boyfriend was something she still couldn’t do, however objectively true it may be.

“The ship he said I could use whenever I needed it?” countered Neal. “Yeah, that one!”

“He said you could use his ship?”

“Uh huh, he did. When I, you know.” A shifty look crept onto his face. “Wanted privacy.”

“Priva-oh!” Emma’s eyes widened as the penny dropped. Neal was still living in his father’s house. The house where Belle also lived. “Um. I see.”

“Yeah.” Neal didn’t meet her eyes. “But why are you here, don’t you have your own place now?” he demanded. “I thought Hook lived with you.”

“Not officially,” she muttered. “And we, um, had a bit to drink last night at that new seafood place and you know.” She shrugged. “The ship was closer.”

“Huh. Well that explains those noises I heard last night.”

Emma was just about to ask him what the fuck that was supposed to mean when the door opened again and a voice called “Why don’t I smell coff—oh! Um. Hi Emma.”

Emma pressed her thumbs against her temples. “Hey, Tink.”

The fairy was dressed identically to how Emma herself was, only the shirt she wore was Neal’s. An old Metallica tee because of course.

“Well,” said Tink. “That explains those noises we heard.”

Neal nodded.

“What noises—” Emma began, then the door opened again.

“Did you find everything, love—oh. Er.” Killian appeared in the room wearing only his jeans and without his hook. He scratched behind his ear. “Hello, friends and enemies.”

“Hook,” said Tink and Neal.

“Killian,” said Emma. She crossed her arms over her chest. “You never told me you were letting Neal stay here.”

“Ah. I did offer him use of the first mate’s quarters whenever he was seeking a bit of privacy, yes. If you remember, love, my quarters proved invaluable in that respect when you were still living with your parents.”

Emma felt her cheeks grow hot. “Yeah,” she muttered.

“I merely thought Neal and Tink could do with a bit of the same benefit. And you know the Jolly gets lonely if she’s left by herself for too long. Although,” Killian favoured Neal and Tink with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, “I did make that offer quite some time ago now. And I don’t believe I said anything about staying here.”

“Yeah, well.” Neal’s face took on that belligerent look he got when he was feeling defensive. “I don’t want to move out of Papa’s place and leave Belle alone.”

“Are you kidding me?” Emma demanded.

Everyone stared at her. “What?” asked Neal.

“Belle’s seeing Ruby.”

“Ruby?”

“Yeah. For like three months now. Ruby’s constantly moaning about how they can’t stay at her place because Granny’s got wolf hearing and they can’t go to Belle’s because it’s full of you. Trust me, Belle will be okay if you move out.”

“Oh,” said Neal blankly. “Well. Fuck.”

Emma looked around the room, at her current boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend who was also her current boyfriend’s ex… something, all of them in varying states of dishevelment, hangover, and undress, and she started to laugh.

“Yeah,” she said. “That about sums it up.”

So Emma never did quite figure out how it happened, but somehow she ended up with a home of her own in a fairy tale town with fairy tale friends and a pirate boyfriend, where one minute she was drinking coffee in a ship’s galley with a group of people who knew each other far too intimately for anyone’s comfort and the next her ex and his girlfriend were her neighbours and her pirate was living at her place for good—at their place, now—and her son was bouncing happily between the two apartments save at least one night a week that he spent at Regina’s. She and Neal co-parented better than she could ever have hoped, and every morning she woke up to blue eyes warm with love and lattes made precisely how she liked them.

And, well. Emma’s happiness wasn’t tentative anymore.

She was happy. Really happy. Truly happy. So happy that when she came home one evening to find the kitchen smoke alarm shrieking and Henry teetering on a stool waving a towel at it as Killian and Neal grappled with some foamy, hissing, smoking substance on the countertop, she wasn’t even mad.

“What the hell do you idiots think you’re doing?” she demanded.

“Ems!”

“Mom!”

“Swan!”

“It’s not what it looks like!” they cried in unison.

Emma shook her head. “I’m going next door,” she said. “To have a beer with Tink. This,” she gestured vaguely at the room, “had better be dealt with by the time I get back.”

As she turned and headed back out the door, the last thing she heard were three furious voices.

“Now look what you’ve done!”

“What I’ve done! It was your idea!”

“And I still don’t have a science project!”

Emma grinned, and shut the door firmly behind her.

---

@thisonesatellite @ohmightydevviepuu @mariakov81 @stahlop @kmomof4 @optomisticgirl @spartanguard @shireness-says @thesschesthair @courtorderedcake @everything-person @katie-dub

#cs fic #cs ff #cs ff au #3b canon divergence #cs canon divergence #no curse renaissance #captain swan #captain swanfire #tinker bae #or whatever tf neal and tink's ship name is #it should be tinker bae my dudes #anyway #this is all very silly #but it should make you laugh #happy friday #profdanglaisstuff #from one minute to the next

111 notes · View notes

ilovemesomekillianjones · 3 years

Text

Navigating the Storm (1/4)

Summary: Emma Swan navigates the aftermath of Neverland by trying to deal with everything the way she always has, by locking all her feelings away. Between having to share Henry with two other people now, her parents confession in the Echo Caves, her parents pushing her towards a man she has no interest in, and feelings for another man that she never expected to feel, Emma is at the end of her rope. *Post Neverland - No Curse*

Author’s Note: Thank you to my friend @hollyethecurious for beta reading this story for me! I have had this written for about three months now and have finally put on the finishing touches. This is part 1 of 4 - I will post a chapter a week. Hope you guys enjoy!

Rated M 4.5K ao3 ffnet Under the cut, promise

It had been exactly two weeks since they’d stepped foot back in Storybrooke, since bringing Henry home safely from Neverland. Two weeks in which Emma Swan had had very few chances to just be, to just breathe. Each breath felt like it was choked by the need to scream or cry. Two weeks of restless nights and emotionally fraught days; parents urging her toward a man she did not want, her mom wanting a new baby, another mom wanting her baby, not that she held anything against Regina. Henry was as much Regina’s as he was hers, she knew that, but that didn’t mean it didn’t weigh heavily on her soul. And of course there was Neal, who had been an ever-present thorn in her side during the last two weeks.

Emma wanted to blame everything on Neal, it would be so easy, but she couldn’t do that, there was rarely only one person to blame. She had to take some responsibility, too. He’d been bugging her about giving their relationship another shot, about putting aside the past to make a better future for Henry. Each time, Neal’s words would hit the solid mass of her thick skull and bounce right off, while simultaneously invoking a silent wrath in her being. What the everloving fuck was he thinking? How could the two of them being together be good for anyone? It didn’t help that her parents both still thought Neal was a saint. It didn’t help that each time they unwittingly made little comments about her giving him a chance, it felt like a little more of the world weighed on her shoulders.

Each morning she dragged her feet getting out of bed, if only to delay dealing with the barrage of shit she didn’t want to hear about or deal with. Of course, if she was honest with herself, she’d admit the reason she was feeling like this was because she was effectively not dealing with any of it. But why choose now to be honest with herself, she’d been content to ignore every other issue she’d dodged in life, abandonment, intimacy, self-worth, why stop now?

Emma hadn’t felt emotional sadness like this since the days between finding out she was pregnant in prison and knowing she would have to give her baby up. Her body felt heavy, her mind felt clouded, and her soul was just… sad, there wasn’t a better word for it. She hated this feeling, and when the sadness became too overwhelming, anger often surged in, and no one needed an angry Emma Swan around. She loved her family and her family-by-extension, but she needed a break.

As she walked toward Granny’s at a molasses slow pace, hands shoved in her jacket pockets, head down, where she was meeting her parents, Neal, Henry, and Regina for a late dinner, her eyes filled with tears. She struggled to inhale air past the lump forming in her throat. A deep anger rose within her, mostly because she was pissed at herself for wanting to cry. She didn’t know how to make everyone understand what she was feeling and why she was feeling it. No one had ever taught her the healing power of communication, while growing up in foster care. As the anger finally defeated the desire to cry, Emma Swan did what all responsible folks do and locked that shit up, deep inside where no one would see it.

“I saved you a seat, Ems,” Neal offered as she entered the diner.

“Yeah, look mom, right between me and dad,” Henry piped in.

Emma glanced at the six of them, one seat between Neal and Henry, no doubt by design and one seat at the other end of the table by her dad. “Uh, I have to discuss a case with David,” she lied. And boy did that make her feel like Shittiest Mom of the Year. “I’ll come back in a few.”

Taking off her jacket, she sat next to her dad and began speaking with him about the new project they were working on to make Storybrooke Sheriff’s Department digital. There was truly nothing she needed to discuss with him right this instant, but she could not handle another manipulation by Neal, especially in front of Henry, about getting back together.

“Why don’t you go sit with Henry and Neal,” David whispered, “we can discuss this tomorrow at work.”

Sucking in a deep breath to tamp down the edge of anger that started to creep up on her, Emma realized there was a silver lining here. At least he had whispered.

“I’m perfectly fine where I’m at,” she quietly replied, affecting a sense of calm she didn’t really feel.

“Oh, honey,” her mother began in what was not a whisper, “go sit down there, let me get a picture of the three of you.”

And just like that, there was another brick piled on her shoulders. She understood that her parents really did want what was best for her. Why couldn’t they just magically understand that Neal wasn’t it? She could hear Neal trying to coax her over and her head started to spin. She really did need that break.

As she choked on the sob that wanted to escape, the bell above the entrance rang, and if she’d never experienced what being saved by the bell meant, she was right now. “Hook,” she murmured, just a little more breathlessly than strictly necessary.

“What?” Snow asked.

“Hook’s here,” Emma said. “Why don’t you join us for dinner, Hook?” Emma called over to him. He was just the buffer she needed tonight. She didn’t miss the intrigue in his eyes, which he quickly masked with a conciliatory smile that didn’t quite reach those pretty blue eyes.

“While I appreciate the offer, I don’t wish to intrude,” he answered graciously.

“You’re not intruding, we were just sitting down to eat a meal. Everyone has to eat.”

“Well, if all of their Royal Highnesses don’t mind,” he acquiesced.

“Everyone scoot one seat to their right,” Emma instructed, she didn’t expect him to sit next to Neal, not with the current state of affairs.

Snow stared at her daughter wide eyed and Emma just stared back through narrowed eyes, hoping that her expression conveyed, he did save your husband’s life.

“Ems, I thought you were going to sit with me and Henry,” Neal asked, failing to mask the irritation in his voice.

And I thought I was meeting you with the bag of watches, not the cops, Emma thought bitterly. If Neal was going to use Henry against her, he was going to be sorry. She wasn’t going to stoop to the level of using a child to get what she wanted, but she was also not going to be bulldozed by her ex.

“That’s okay, dad,” Henry intervened. “Mom can sit with her friend. How’s the fastest ship in all the realms, Captain?”

Emma beamed at her son’s cherubic nature. He was truly good. He was innocent and perfect, and she felt like she might cry again as her young son saved her again.

“She’s jolly good, m’boy,” Hook answered merrily, obviously tickled that Henry had asked about his pride and joy. Or maybe it was simply because this boy treated him with common courtesy. Hook had vowed to himself to turn over a new leaf when he’d turned his ship around to help Emma save her son, and although he knew that, most people still treated him like the pirate they’d known him to be.

“You okay, Swan?” Hook asked her quietly, as conversation started up around the table.

“I- yeah,” she said, slapping on a smile, and even though it was an effort to smile, she found that she wanted to smile for Hook. She also found that he knew she was lying.

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’ve a never ending supply of rum aboard the Jolly.”

“I might just take you up on that,” she laughed. And it felt really good to laugh.

“I thought you said you’d back off,” Neal seethed as he walked over to their end of the table.

Emma looked between the two men before quietly sounding a warning. “We do not need another pissing contest here,” she hissed.

“Contest,” Neal fumed. “There is no contest, I’m Henry’s father, he’s a home-wrecking pirate.”

Emma’s head began to swim again as she listened to Neal berate Hook, as she read between the lines of what he’d said. He felt like he deserved her because they bore a child together.

“Is everything okay?” David asked.

Emma closed her eyes and weakly shook her head no. She would lose it if her parents got involved.

“Here Neal, why don’t you take my seat,” Snow offered.

Emma shook her head no again, but apparently no one was looking at her.

“Haven’t you destroyed enough lives?” Neal asked.

Emma’s eyes shot open and she’d hit just about her limit. Her throat felt like it was almost swollen shut as that urge to scream or cry or both, came raging back.

“Haven’t you done enough damage, Hook?”

“Bae-” Hook started

“Stop calling me that!”

“Neal,” Hook corrected, “it is not my intent to come between you and Emma. I was merely accepting the invitation she offered. I did say I would back off, I didn’t say I would ignore Emma if she requested my company.”

“Back off from what?” Emma asked, feeling a little annoyed that they’d been discussing her like a - she didn’t know what.

“Swan, I merely told Ba- Neal that I would not interfere if you two decided to pursue a chance at a family with Henry.”

“I think that is very noble, Hook,” Snow inserted.

“Not now, mom.”

“Well Emma, it’s only fair that you two have a real shot, now that you’ve been reunited,” Snow argued, “and I was just saying that I think it’s noble of Hook to put his feelings for you aside to give you and Neal that chance.”

That was it, that was her limit. Chances? Reunited? FAIR? The lights flickered twice before pitching Granny’s in darkness. Emma stood up and placed both her palms flat down on the table.

“Regina,” Emma said in a ragged voice, barely containing her emotions, which she desperately wanted to contain with Henry present. “Take him home, please.”

“Come on, Henry. I have lasagna at home,” Regina said, without having to be asked again. She could feel the energy of the situation sizzling about, and she knew only too well the magical properties of raw emotion. Of course Henry instinctively knew to listen as well. “Granny’s is closed,” Regina announced, “Mayor’s orders.”

The several patrons around had the good sense to slap some money on the counter and head out.

“I love you, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Henry said as he and Regina readied to leave. He came to her end of the table and gave her a hug.

“I love you too, kid,” Emma responded as she ruffled Henry’s hair, and the lights flickered back to life.

Once Henry and Regina were gone, Emma eyed her parents. She tried breathing in and out slowly. She didn’t want to fight, she didn’t want to hurt them, she didn’t want to cry. But something had to give.

“Mom, Dad,” she whispered, as she knew her voice would crack if she attempted to speak in a normal voice. “I’ve been having a really-” a broken sob overtook Emma, halting her words. Her face crumbled, tears filling her eyes and falling to her cheeks, as the full weight of what she’d been dealing with overwhelmed her.

“Oh honey,” Snow cried as she stood up to try and comfort her daughter.

Emma held up a hand and shook her head no at her mother. “Please… don’t. I have to do this.”

Snow’s face fell as her daughter rejected her, but she sat back down to comply with her daughter’s wishes.

“Go on, Emma,” her father said quietly.

Nodding her head, she took another big breath. “I’ve been having a really hard time since we came back from Neverland. I’m happy that you want a new baby, I am, but it also hurt to hear that you wanted to have a chance to experience everything we never got to, and I know that’s not your fault, but it still hurts. And I am happy that Henry has Regina, because no matter what, she really does love him. But it hurts to have to share him with her when we have a third person to share him with now, it’s less time, when I’ve already missed so much.”

“It wouldn’t be if you spent time with me and Henry,” Neal muttered.

“Goddammit, Neal!” Emma yelled, pounding her fists on the table. “You have got to stop that. I’m struggling with my parents wanting a new baby and I am struggling with sharing Henry with you. But my biggest problem, the one that eats away at me every day, is you! I can’t stand the way you try to manipulate me in front of my son, making it seem like I’m the only reason we can’t be a family. You showed up to Storybrooke with a fiancée, don’t act like you came back here to win me over or some other noble bullshit. And I can’t stand that my parents think you should be my happy ending.” Another sob choked her words and she paused to catch her breath. “You will never be my happy ending,” she yelled before leaving the diner.

Emma jogged down the walkway, unsure of where to go, but knowing she couldn’t remain in there one second longer. She didn’t want to see the looks she’d put on her parents’ faces anymore and she didn’t want to deal with Neal. After an hour of wandering, she found herself down by the icy cold shoreline. She sat down in the freezing sand and folded her arms around her legs. Resting her chin on her knees, she lamented the fool she’d made of herself and the mess she’d made of things.

“Awfully cold for camping at the beach,” Hook said.

Emma jumped so hard, it hurt her butt when she landed back in the unforgiving sand. “Jesus Christ, you scared me. Are you following me?”

“Sorry, love,” Hook apologized, holding hand and hook in the air as he always did when she went on the offensive. “I didn’t mean to alarm you. And no, I am not following you. I was up on the deck of my ship and saw your golden hair in the moonlight; wanted to make sure you don’t catch your death out here.” He handed her a blanket.

“Thank you,” she said through chattering teeth, only now realizing just how cold it was. “You probably need to invest in some warmer clothes if you’re planning to stay in Storybrooke for the winter.”

“Is that an invitation, Swan?”

She just rolled her eyes as she held her hand out to him to help her up.

“Don’t worry your heart, I am plenty hot,” he flirted, extending his hand and pulling her up.

“You are plenty full of yourself is what you are,” she laughed. “I don’t know why I ended up here. I just… I cannot go home. I should probably see if Granny has a room available. Paying her some rent is the least I could do after clearing out her customers.”

Hook scratched behind his ear, his nervous habit that always made Emma chuckle inside, because how did The Captain Hook have a nervous tic?

“You could stay on the Jolly, if you like. You know, instead of walking back to Granny’s.”

“Is that an invitation, Hook?” Emma countered.

“Actually, it is,” he said as he bowed deeply, holding his right hand out in the direction of his ship.

She decided it was probably her best option for the night. She didn’t want to see her parents at the loft, she definitely didn’t want to risk running into Neal at Granny’s, and she was far too proud to ask Regina for a crash pad. So, she followed the direction of Hook’s extended hand and headed to the Jolly.

“Thank you,” she mumbled as they headed down into the Captain’s Quarters. It was only slightly warmer below deck, and she wondered how cold he got at night.

“Perhaps a little gratitude is in order,” he smirked, pointing his finger to his lips as he had done several weeks ago.

Emma didn’t even have to think about it this time. She launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and backing him up against the wall. She kissed him just as passionately as she had back on that Hell Island, but this time, she had no intent of limiting their activities to just a kiss.

“Swan,” he moaned against her mouth.

“Hmmm?” she hummed as she continued to learn his mouth and his tongue which had come out to play.

She loved the way his hook felt pressed at her back and the way his hand cupped her cheek before sliding into her hair. She took the opportunity to quickly run her hands up through his chest hair before shifting them up under his jacket to divest him of it.

“Swan, stop,” he whispered between kisses. “Stop, darling.”

Emma immediately pulled back. Like, what? “What’s the problem,” she asked defensively.

“I apologize lass, it was a poorly timed Neverland reference.”

“A… joke?” Emma’s head began spinning again. One million thoughts ran through her head as her brows furrowed and panic hit her eyes. Her mouth turned down as a strangle hold settled over her... rejection. She’d had one melt down and now she was damaged goods in his eyes. A one time thing, she’d said, and he was the one who was going to enforce it. “I have to go,” she muttered, mind already on auto pilot to the lovely land of orphans-aren’t-worthy-of-love.

Killian quickly blocked her path to the door. Bad move.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Way,” she seethed. “You don- don’t want me...” Oh fuck, she panicked, the tears were going to start again. When would this roller coaster come crashing to a halt? Emma Swan, Dumpster Fire, she mused, it had a truer ring than Emma Swan, Savior.

“Don’t you tell me what I want or do not want,” Hook reprimanded. “I want you, I have wanted you, far more and far longer than you know.” He stepped into her space and lifted her chin with his hook, until she had no choice but to look into his eyes. “Make no mistake about that, love.” A fire burned between them, something palpable, and only by sheer force of will, was Hook denying himself the pleasure she’d been looking to bring him mere moments before.

Truth. Truth is what she saw in Hook’s eyes. “Then why are you pushing me away,” she asked, lips still quivering with the threat of tears.

“Because I won’t exploit your emotions, that would be the pinnacle of bad form.”

“What?”

Hook took her hand and led her to sit on his bed. “Emma, you just confessed major hurt and heartache to your parents. You obviously have unresolved issues with Bae, and you’re harboring a sadness that is ruling your emotions. Despite Neverland and everything that happened there, I have never seen you this close to the brink of despair.”

A tear slipped down as Hook brought his hand up to cup her cheek. “Look at me, Emma.”

She sniffled, but complied, as she realized he was not going to continue until she looked at him.

“You are strong, and you will get through this, but a quick romp in the sack is not part of the solution. I cannot in good conscience let you lead us down a path that you will undoubtedly regret. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me.”

“If I don’t get to tell you what you do or don’t want, then you shouldn’t get to tell me what I will or won’t regret,” she huffed.

Hook smiled at the fire that lit his Swan, and continued on, “I did promise Bae that I would back off, I thought it was best for Henry, if it was what you wanted as well.”

“I don’t want that,” Emma interrupted.

“I know you don’t want that. Tonight made that clear,” he assured her. “But tonight also showed that you have some things to work out. I am here for you, Emma, and no matter what our future holds, I will stand by your side and help you traverse all of it. But where matters of our hearts are concerned, I cannot be your port in this storm if you only plan to pack up and set sail when the tide calms and the tempest parts.”

Tears surged forth once more as she lunged at Hook again, but this time just to throw herself into his embrace. She didn’t even know why she was crying, but she knew that this, him, everything he’d just said, this was what she needed. Someone to stand by her side, someone to accept her for her, someone who knew that she had shitty baggage but was okay with it and wanted to help her lighten her load. “I just want to forget, I want five minutes where I don’t feel like everything is closing around me like a vice.”

“That’s it lass, everything is going to be okay, I promise,” he murmured as he wrapped his arms around her protectively. “Let it out, crying can be quite cathartic when you let it.”

Emma cried a little harder as she listened to his soothing voice. She sat up many moments later when she’d cried herself out. Wiping away her tears, she looked at the man next to her. “How did you get so wise,” she asked in a nasally, I’ve-been-crying voice.

“How’s that?”

“About crying being cathartic.”

“Ah,” Hook chuckled as he blushed a bit. “You pick up some things as the centuries pass. I may have learned that sometimes letting out pent up emotion is better than harbouring it until it blows up.”

“Thank you, Killian,” she whispered, before leaning in and tenderly placing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“You called me Killian.”

The bit of awe in his eyes made Emma giggle. “That is your name, isn’t it?”

“Aye, but you know what I mean, love,” he chuckled with her.

She laughed again until she was caught in a yawn that wracked her whole body.

“Let me get you something to sleep in.” Hook went to an antique armoire and pulled out one of his shirts and a pair of long johns. “These should keep you warm.” After handing them to her, he placed a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll let you get some rest, no doubt your day has been taxing.” Then he turned to leave.

Before he could make it to the door, Emma reached out to grab his hook. He turned around to see what she needed.

“Will you stay with me?”

His eyes pleaded with her not to tempt him into breaking his word. His good form.

“I promise I won’t jump your bones, sailor.” She rolled her eyes playfully, but then she glanced away and folded her arms around herself, a vulnerability encasing her whole form before she spoke again. “I just want you to hold me,” she whispered.

His chest ached for her, for this tender side of Emma Swan that he’d never been privy to. Why would he ever deny her something as simple as holding her? “Of course, love.” After changing into something passable for sleep attire, he joined Emma in his bed.

“I know this is going to sound sappy, but today, at Granny’s, when you showed up, I was on the brink of losing my mind,” Emma confessed as she lay snuggled against his side, his right arm wrapped around her, making her feel safe. “But when I saw you, I felt like… like I might be able to get through it, like everything would be okay, if only you were with me. That’s why I asked you to stay.”

“And did it help, having me there?”

“All I know is, even though I didn’t say everything I need to get off my chest, I did get through part of it, and I am glad you were there.”

“Happy to oblige, darling.” Hook craned his neck forward to place a kiss to the crown of her head.

Pulling the blankets up to her neck, Emma shivered. “Give me your other arm, you’re warmer than these blankets.”

“My hook,” he said, holding up the shiny version of his moniker. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally harm you.”

“Then take it off,” Emma responded as though it were the most obvious answer in the world.

“I don’t think so, love.”

“Why not?” she asked, sitting up to look at him.

Hook took advantage of his freed arm and scrubbed his hand over his face. “It’s not a sight I wish you to see, it’s actually quite revolting.”

“I don’t believe for a second that any part of Killian Jones is revolting,” Emma said, gently pulling his left arm toward her.

“Swan,” he groaned.

“Killian, you saw me at my most vulnerable today, and you didn’t run for the hills. I won’t either,” she promised softly. “I don’t think you understand that what I like about you is this,” she placed her hand over his heart, “the man you are.”

Killian placed his hand over hers, where it rested on his chest and brought it to his brace. “Okay then, go ahead.”

Carefully unfastening the buckles, Emma pulled the entire brace away from his arm. She held his forearm in one hand and ran the fingers of her other hand over the scarred flesh, inspecting the damage. Although Hook was right, it wasn’t a “pretty” sight, it wasn’t nearly as bad as he would have had her believe. “Does it still hurt?”

“Aye, sometimes.”

She delicately massaged in a downward motion, from his forearm to the end of his wrist, and watched his face. He wasn’t making eye contact with her, but rather, watching her ministrations. He looked half panic stricken, like he might bolt, and half enchanted by her touch. She followed the pattern several times until he’d fully relaxed to her touch. “See, was that so bad?”

Hook’s face was a deep shade of red and his entire body had broken out in goosebumps. He didn’t know how to answer her question. He had never willingly let another person see his mutilated arm, let alone touch it. On one hand, it was that bad, he felt laid bare before her and he was still dressed. On the other hand, or hook, as it were, he felt something akin to what she had explained earlier, like he would be okay, because she was there. “I suppose not,” he murmured, all the more enamored by this enchanting woman.

“Good.” Laying back down, she wrapped both his arms around her and snuggled into him. “Much better.” Emma slept better that night than she had since they’d come home from Neverland.

Tagging some lovelies - please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

@laschatzi @qualitycoffeethings @hookedonapirate @wordsmith-storyweaver @kmomof4 @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @wyntereyez @hooklineandswan @teamhook @let-it-raines @whimsicallyenchantedrose @spartanguard @tiganasummertree@apromisednightcap @xemmaloveskillianx @elizabeethan @cocohook38 @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 @timeless-love-story @girl-in-a-tiny-box @thesschesthair @galadriel26 @ultraluckycatnd @lifeinahole27 @therooksshiningknight @kday426 @djlbg @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @lfh1226-linda @delightfully-difficult-pirate @thejollyswan @csalltheway @xarandomdreamx @vvbooklady1256 @withheartfulloflove @resident-of-storybrooke @mcakers @gingerchangeling @searchingwardrobes @snowbellewells

#cs ff #cs fan fic #captain swan #captain swan ff #captain swan fan fiction

104 notes · View notes

elizabeethan · 3 years

Text

Forget What I Said (It’s Not What I Meant) 3/3

His laugh is self deprecating. It’s almost hateful as he shakes his head and turns away from her. “I want you, love, more than anything. But I don’t want to be your secret. I’m not willing to sit around and wait for you to come to your senses. If you don’t have feelings for me as I do you, then I think you should go.”

“Hook,” she tries again uselessly.

“Please,” he begs, refusing to look her way for the first time. “I’ve known enough heartbreak in my life. I’ve learned to prevent it where I can.”

Hey! It’s @donteattheappleshook‘s birthday so I decided to post the last part of this story :) Also, we’re aware that we’re basically writing the same fic. That’s how this all started. so enjoy a double dose of Neverland nonsense. Originally posted for @neverlandnewyear

Thank you to @the-darkdragonfly for being a kick ass beta and even better friend!

rated E for smut and language

~7400 words

Part 1, Part 2

Read on Ao3

Tagging: @courtorderedcake @kmomof4 @stahlop @klynn-stormz @laschazi @emelizabeth88 @lfh1226-linda @kday426 @elisethewritingbeast @timeless-love-story @captain-emmajones @gingerpolyglot @ebcaver @ilovemesomekillianjones @teamhook @superchocovian @itsfabianadocarmo @tiganasummertree @gingerchangeling @jrob64 @onceratheart18 @xhookswenchx @winterbaby89 @swampmedusa @ultraluckycatnd @dancingnancyy @love-with-you-i-have-everything @shireness-says @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @ouatpost @daxx04 @the-darkdragonfly @donteattheappleshook

She’s fine. Everything is totally and completely fine. Nothing is bothering her.

That’s what she tells herself when she sees Hook and Tink walk into Granny’s a week after his hardcore rejection of her. She nearly chews a hole through her straw.

“Mom,” Henry says, probably not for the first time, as he waves at her to get her attention. “Mom, I have to go to school.”

“Right, right, I know,” she responds, wiping her mouth with her napkin and scooting to the edge of the bench.

“You don’t have to walk me, you know.”

“I want to,” she says with a smile. She does want to, any chance she gets to spend time with her son is a gift. Any chance she gets to spend time away from Hook is also a gift. She walks to the register and notes Ruby’s gaze, deep and adoring as she stares in Hook’s direction. Of course.

“Sorry,” she says once her attention is brought back. “Checking out?”

“Yeah,” Emma grumbles, taking out her wallet and handing some cash to Ruby.

She sighs longingly as she counts the cash, hardly looking down, then says, “you guys were in Neverland together, huh?”

Emma rolls her eyes and takes her change, unable to answer before Henry calls for her from the door. She exits the diner, and it takes way too much effort to not look back at Hook as she does so.

By the time she gets to the station, her mood is less than sunny, but that doesn't stop her father from shouting, “good morning, sunshine!” as she walks in.

Mumbling a greeting in his direction, she sits at her desk and tries to ignore the anger bubbling up inside her. How could he move on that quickly? How could he tell her that he has feelings for her and then start hanging around with her? He knows she has walls, she just didn’t expect him to give up scaling them so quickly. She thought she meant more to him than that.

She isn’t sure why meaning more to him than that is so important to her.

Sadness, she thinks. What she’s feeling isn’t anger, it’s sadness. She’s sad that she lost him. Sure, she’s mad at him for rejecting her, but she has to assume that the constant desire to break down and cry is more due to her sadness at their… well, it isn’t a breakup.

“Hon,” she hears from the office door, jumping back into reality with a start. “You got a minute?”

“Sure,” she sighs, sitting back in her chair as David walks in and makes himself at home.

With a soft smile, he sits in the chair across from her and folds his hands over her crossed knees. “So,” he starts. “What’s up?”

She lets out a suspicious laugh, giving him a look of incredulity. “Not much, you?”

David smiles again and shakes his head. “I mean what’s going on? What’s up with you lately?”

“Ah,” she laughs. “Just jumping right into it, are we?”

“More my style,” he explains, and she laughs again. “Emma, something’s clearly on your mind, and I think I know what it is.”

She looks up at him through her lashes shyly and shrugs. “I guess.”

“You’ve got a lot of pressure on you right now. And I’m sure a lot of people want you to make… difficult decisions.”

“It shouldn’t be this difficult,” she says without thinking much. But her father’s right. She is getting pressured from almost everyone she knows. She wants nothing more than to make Henry happy, but if it’s at the expense of her own happiness, is it worth it? Does thinking that way make her a bad mom? Is choosing her own happiness worth the backlash she’s sure to get? When did Hook become her happiness? “If you thought you were coming in here to tell me to be with Neal, don’t even bother.”

“Oh, I’m not here to push you in one direction or another. Just to tell you I understand.”

“You do?”

“Sure,” he shrugs. “You know who doesn’t? Your mother.”

She lets out a hearty laugh now, her first in weeks, and asks, “what makes you say that?”

“Well, she believes in your first love being your true love. She thinks that if you had love for Neal back then, then you must have love for him now.”

“I do,” she sighs. “But I can’t just…”

“You can’t trust him.” He isn’t even asking. She nods. “Because of your past?”

“Yeah,” she says, her voice small and weak as she thinks of all that they’ve been through. All that he put her through.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” She slumps back into her chair and lets out a groan, thrusting her fingers into her hair and tugging just slightly. David laughs softly but waits with gentle patience.

“It was… I was homeless. I was on the run after leaving a foster home.” She knows that the way she starts the story surprises her father, but he lets her continue without interrupting. “I broke into a car, and it turns out he had already stolen it; that’s how we met. And I was so young and naive, and I never really had anyone who cared for me like that before, so I fell for him. The Bonnie and Clyde act was so romanticized, but at the end of the day, we lived in a car and stole every meal. We couldn’t keep going on like that, so we made a plan to settle down.”

She can see the pain in her father’s face as she tells him what her life was like growing up without him. She knows it isn’t his fault, and he knows it too, but that knowledge doesn’t make the truth hurt any less.

“Anyway, he had stolen some watches a few months prior and was wanted. He couldn’t collect the watches from where he stashed them without getting caught, and we needed the money so that we could settle down. I decided to get the watches. And he was gonna go and fence them and meet me after with the money, but he gave me one first. So when he called the cops and they found it on me, it was easy to pin the crime on me.”

“Emma,” he breathes, dropping his head to his hand briefly before looking back up at her with glassy eyes.

“It’s just…” she says through her own tears, ones she didn’t realize were falling. “I loved him. I really thought I did. And when I found out I was pregnant, a part of me wished he would come back and we could be a family. But he never did, and the more time that went by, the more I realized I could never—” she chokes on a soft sob at the memory. “I could never have raised Henry by myself. I had nothing. No one to help me. No money, nowhere to live… I was stuck with a criminal record and a teenage pregnancy and it was all because of him.”

It was because of him. What’s to say he won't do it again?

All she can think about is the one person she knows would never do that to her.

“I had no idea,” David says sadly.

“How could you?”

He shakes his head and sighs. “It all makes perfect sense. I wasn’t sure why you were so adamant about not being with him but…”

“I don’t think I ever forgave him. I don’t know if I ever could. He— he took away my chance to raise my son.”

She didn’t expect to be so emotional about this; she’s had plenty of time to process what’s happened. Maybe it’s the fact that this is one of the most heartfelt conversations she’s ever had with her father. Maybe it’s the fact that her old wounds have been ripped open again by Neal’s return.

She considers the pain and fear that comes with being with him. She thinks about the comfort and security she feels with Hook. She wants to bury her head in sand.

“I’m sorry that your mother and I have been pushing you to be with him. It isn’t fair to you.”

“You didn’t know.”

“We should’ve known you had a good reason.” She shrugs, sighing and resting her head on the desk for just a moment. “You know, this seems like a pretty easy decision to me: don’t be with Neal.”

She laughs at that, lifting her head and resting back against the chair. “Yeah, that’s the easy part.”

“Ah, I knew it. So this isn’t just about him?”

Rolling her eyes, she says, “you’re pretty perceptive, aren’t you?”

He hums out a laugh and says, “Well, if you want my advice, which I realize you didn’t ask for but I’m going to give anyway, I’d say you deserve to be with someone who would do anything for you. Someone who would go out of their way to make sure you’re safe, that your family is safe. Someone… honorable.”

“Honorable…?” She cocks her head to the side and somehow knows exactly where he’s going with this.

“Yeah. Someone who has had a few opportunities to show that he’s honorable. Someone who has proven himself, despite his past.”

She snorts, rolling her eyes and saying, “you’re too much.”

“I’m not nearly as dramatic as someone else I know, whom I believe I saw heading to his ship not thirty minutes ago.”

She looks up at him again, this time cautiously, emotionally, and says, “you did?”

With a smirk, he nods. “I saw how happy you were for the past few weeks, Emma, and I can see how unhappy you are now. I don’t know what went on between you and Neal, or you and Hook, but whatever it is, it’s time to fix it. You deserve to be happy.”

She does, doesn’t she? Hasn’t she had enough heartache in her life? Isn’t it time for her to admit to herself what would make her happy?

His strong arms holding her, keeping her safe. His soft touches as he comforts her whenever she’s upset. His gentle words of encouragement and belief in her.

He makes her happy. And she messed it up. She hurt him.

She’s got to fix this.

She huffs and rolls her eyes again, standing and taking her keys off of the desk. “Fine,” she says. “I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time,” he calls after her. She rolls her eyes again.

~~~~

She’s on his ship again.

She’s holding flowers.

Roses.

Emma feels the tears trailing down her cheeks, cool against her flaming skin, and drops her head down onto her arms dramatically. She’s too late, she thinks. She hurt him too badly. There’s no way she can put herself out there now. Tink is probably a better match for him anyway. They have a long history, and if she considers the shared glances on the island, probably a sensual one. She probably knows him better than almost everyone. Better than Emma, at least.

God, she messed up.

She messes up more, though, when her arm slips off the steering wheel and her head collides with the horn, alerting everyone at the docks of her presence.

Everyone.

She scrambles, cursing as she searches for the keys in her bag that lays on the passenger's seat. “Fuck,” she mumbles once she finally finds them, but her hands are shaking so much that she can’t find the correct key and get it into the ignition. Once she finally does, she roars the engine to life and whips it into drive, glancing up and out the windshield, when she sees him. She screams, jumps, and starts rolling towards him.

She hears his soft bloody hell from inside the car as he holds up his arms as if surrendering to her manic driving. She puts the car back into park and drops her head to the wheel once more.

He rounds the car, squatting before her window and smiling softly before he points down, asking her to open it for him. She obliges, reaching for the crank and turning it painstakingly as it squeaks in resistance. “Alright, love?” he asks, and she thinks it might kill her to be here.

“Sorry that I interrupted whatever you and Tink—”

“You didn’t interrupt. Tink was just leaving. She’s got a big date tonight.”

Leave it to him to rub it in. Bastard. “I’m sure you’ll have a marvelous time.”

He scoffs, standing up as if to leave, and she rolls her eyes. But he walks around the car until he reaches the passengers side and jiggles the handle until she unlocks it. He moves her bag and places it on his own lap once he sits. “Swan,” he says, staring at her despite the fact that she refuses to look anywhere but straight ahead. “Emma, look at me.”

She turns, looking at him through her lashes and wishing she didn’t have to hold back. She wishes she could reach over the center console and kiss him. But despite her acceptance of her own feelings, she knows she needs to do the right thing.

“What’s wrong?”

She isn’t sure what to make of this question. Of all the things he could say, he chooses this. She thinks of the fact that Neal hasn’t noticed anything being off about her.

“Nothing,” she lies, faking a smile and looking back at the horizon.

“Emma,” he repeats. His voice is commanding, but not threatening. “You forget that you’re an open book, love. You’re here for a reason; tell me what it is.”

“I’m sorry,” she blurts out without meaning to.

He draws in his brows, then raises one dramatically as he stares her down. “You are?”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes.”

“For what?”

“You’re gonna make me say it?” she scoffs.

With a smirk, he responds, “aye.”

With a sigh, she drops her head once again onto the wheel, then lets out a loud groan. “I’m sorry,” she starts, “for everything. You were right, I was using you, and I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

She lifts her head just slightly to look at him for a moment, and sees a soft smile gracing his face. “Thank you.”

She leans back in the seat, her gaze finding the ceiling far too interesting. “And,” she says, struggling a bit to get the words out. “I’m sorry that my inability to deal with my own feelings hurt you.”

He takes her hand in his but she can’t look at him. He squeezes softly and says, “Swan.”

With a sigh, she gives in, unable to look away from those forget-me-nots for long. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

As she stares into his eyes, she realizes why she was trying so hard not to. They’re so enchanting that she’s sure she could say something foolish if she continued to stare into them. Instead, she whispers, “you’re welcome.”

“Would you care to come aboard so we can talk a bit more comfortably?” he asks softly, taking her hand in his hesitantly.

“I shouldn’t.”

“Why’s that?” His face is falling, and she wants to catch him and make him smile again.

“I don’t want to get between you and Tink. I shouldn’t have even said anything— if you’ve moved on with her—”

“Bloody hell, Swan,” he says through a laugh. “Tink was here for advice. She doesn’t know much of anything about this town and she was interested in Ruby. She wanted to see if I knew anything about her from my short time here before Neverland.”

She squints as she thinks, then blurts out, “Ruby?!”

With a chuckle, he responds, “aye. Ruby and Tink have a date tonight,” and suddenly things start to make sense.

“So when she was here last week…”

“Why Swan,” he says with a smirk, “are you implying that you were here last week?”

She blushes fiercely and chooses honestly as she nods. “Yeah, but I left. And I’m glad I did.”

“Why’s that?”

“When I came then, I knew I shouldn’t have. I knew I wouldn’t have said the things I needed to say. I’m glad I waited until now so that I could tell you that…”

“That…?”

“That I… I like you.”

His smile is brighter than the sun reflecting off of the dancing ocean waves. “I quite like you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yes.” She laughs softly, meeting his eyes once more and falling for him a bit harder. “Now, would you come aboard? I’m sure you could use something to eat.”

She shouldn’t be surprised that he seems to have noticed her nearly full plate at breakfast this morning. With a small smile, she says, “okay.”

When they get to the galley, kept as tidy as the rest of the ship, he offers her an orange, citing their curative properties. When she accepts, he uses his hook to start peeling it, but once she takes over, he looks at her suspiciously. “What?” she asks.

“I’ve just never seen you willingly eat something so healthy,” he shrugs. “I’m surprised you aren’t demanding Poptarts.”

With a scoff, she says, “it’s not like you have any.”

“Well, I’m not sure what the bloody hell a s’mores is,” he says, walking towards a cabinet and taking out a large blue box. Family size. Her mouth is watering. “But I suppose they do look rather appealing in the picture here.”

“You didn’t,” she says with a grin, unceremoniously dropping the inferior orange onto the table and hurrying towards him.

He shrugs, easily opening the box with his hook. “Well,” he says, trailing off and giving her a knowing smirk as he hands her one of the silver packets.

Instead of taking it, she leans towards him and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. He lets her kiss him for a few moments, backing them up so that he leans against the cabinet, before breaking them apart and murmuring, “eat,” against her lips.

“I’m hungry for something else,” she whispers, but her stomach growls angrily and he hoists her into his arms and carries her backwards until he can rest her on the small table in the center of the galley.

“I’ll not be able to have my wicked way with you if you swoon from hunger, love,” he says flirtatiously, touching their foreheads together, cupping her cheek in his palm and running his thumb along her bottom lip tantalizingly. “Eat,” he repeats, his breath fanning over her face and making her eyes flutter.

“You’re no fun,” she pouts when he breaks away from her, not even giving her a final kiss.

“I’ll be much more fun later,” he promises as he sits in the chair just below her and takes the half-peeled orange, starting on it again for himself. Once it’s opened up, he begins segmenting it meticulously, peeling away the pith and dropping it onto the discarded peels that he left on the table. Watching him place each segment into his mouth halfway and bite down, licking his lips as the juice escaped them, is driving her mad with want.

She eats her Poptart slowly, barely able to appreciate the sweet taste she loves so much because of the distraction he serves. But then she realizes that not only is he perhaps the sexiest man she’s ever met, he’s also the most thoughtful. Seriously, a family sized box of her favorite, most versatile meal doesn’t seem like a big gesture, but she knows the meaning behind it. He bought that for her because he cares about her comfort and her happiness. He knows they’re terrible for her, and will likely berate her when she finishes the box in a week, but he got them anyway because he cares.

Dammit.

She puts the empty foil packet down on the table by the discarded peel and scoots to the edge of the surface before him, dropping herself onto his lap and straddling his hips with her knees. She isn’t even sure this chair can support the weight of the both of them, but she supposed they’ll find out soon enough when it either breaks or he complains of a safety issue.

He doesn’t though, he merely pops the last segment into his mouth salaciously and places a hand on her hip, smirking as he chews in a way that shouldn’t be as appealing as it is. “Finished?” she asks him in a breathy tone when he licks his lips again.

“With the orange,” he confirms with a nod. “With you, not even close.”

She giggles, actually giggles, before her fingers find his hair and she’s kissing him, enjoying the taste of citrus against her tongue. His hand begins to roam her back, tucking up under her jacket and stroking along her soft, thin shirt while his hook finds purchase in the belt loop of her jeans. It's so easy to be here, to melt into him under his touch, to let herself relax into the feeling of being his.

He breaks away from her slightly, gently, and runs his fingers through her hair to move it away from her face. “What is it?” he asks, as if he can’t quite read her racing thoughts.

With a smile, she shrugs and leans into his palm against her cheek. “Nothing,” she starts. “Just… this feels right.”

He smiles too, leaning closer to kiss her chastely. “Aye, it does. I’m glad to hear you think so.”

“I want,” she begins, cut off by her own insecurity until his thumb traces the line of her jaw soothingly. “I want you. I want— I want to be with you.”

“You’re with me, love,” he breathes against her, kissing her softly once more.

She falters at his misunderstanding, but forces herself forward so that he grasps her true meaning. “I meant I want… us. I want to try— with you.”

He’s still for a moment, and she feels her heart nearly beating out of her chest. She wonders if he can hear it. Though she thought they were on the same page, she isn't sure if this is him gearing up to reject her again. Maybe he isn't ready.

But when the smile grows on his face and he kisses her again, sweet and passionate and everything she’s been missing over the last week, her heart races for a different reason. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he says against her lips, kissing her again.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She wastes no time bringing his lips back to hers, running her fingers through his thick, ink-black hair and tugging him as close to her as she can. His hand continues to run up and down along her side before finally tucking under her shirt, erupting a trail of goosebumps in its wake and making her shiver against him. He chuckles as she wiggles just slightly and asks, “cold, love?”

“No,” she responds. “Definitely not.”

“Are you hot, then?” he asks with a smirk before biting her bottom lip lightly and drawing a giggle from her.

“I guess you could say that.”

“Well, I'm hot for you.”

She snorts and pulls away from him, resting her head on his shoulder and biting the soft flesh where his neck needs his shoulder. He hisses, and the sound goes straight through to her core.

“Take me to bed,” she whispers in his ear before biting the lobe.

He hums lewdly and squeezes her before backing the chair up from the table and hoisting her up into the air, her ankles crossing around him. He struggles carrying her through the ship, having to go from the galley to the main deck and then back down into his quarters, but he doesn't complain once.

When they get down the ladder, Emma terrified that he’ll drop her but keeping her fears to herself as she clings tightly to his shoulders and hips, he plops her on the bed and smirks down at her devilishly. “My my,” he says. “How I’ve missed you.”

With a soft smile, she asks, “have you?”

“Of course I have,” he answers, crawling up the length of her and settling himself upon her. “I hope you know I took no pleasure in turning you down the last time, love.”

“I know,” she says with a sad smile, the memory flooding back to her. She touches his cheek gently with her hand, reveling in the fact that she’s here now, despite what’s happened between them. “It’s good that you did. I had to figure myself out.” He hums but doesn't agree verbally, perhaps worried about offending her. “I’m sorry, Killian,” she whispers. His eyes sparkle a bit and she thinks it must be because she uses his name. He likes when she does that.

“I know, darling. You needn't say it again.”

“You were right, I was using you and it was unfair.”

“I’m only happy you see that now, and that we’re able to move past it.”

“Yeah.”

He kisses her fervidly and she returns it, hoping to convey exactly how she's feeling through the connection between them. His tongue snakes out along her lip until she grants him access and he takes it happily. His hand trails back down her waist, squeezing her hip as if he can’t get her close enough to him. “I want you,” he mumbles against her mouth without actually breaking from her. “You've no idea how badly I wanted to eat my pride and let you into my bed when you came here, Swan. Thinking I wouldn’t ever have you again was torture.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I never want to stop this.”

“Good.”

His lips trail down her jaw, along her throat, towards her chest, until he moves her shirt aside and licks against her sensitive skin along the line of her bra and she moans. He raises himself off of her a bit and tugs her jacket off her shoulders, tossing it to the ground, then follows suit with her shirt. “Has it truly only been a week since I’ve seen these breasts?” he wonders aloud dramatically, drawing a laugh from her.

“You're ridiculous,” she chortles, tugging on his hair as he removes her bra. He finally mastered the modern corset a few weeks ago and he gets it off quickly, even with one hand. Once she’s free from her confines, he tosses the garment to the floor with grandeur and pounces on her, drawing a hearty laugh from her.

Her laughter is short lived, as the second his tongue strokes along her hardened nipple, her breathing chokes. He nips and sucks and licks just right until she’s being driven mad, his hand paying attention to the neglected breast. His hook trails her waist, the cool steel a shock to her heated flesh, until he reaches the button of her jeans and releases her nipple with a pop. He travels further down her body until he reaches the button, his face lining up to it and his fingers working deftly as if he needs to be close to complete his task. When he tugs the pants down her legs, his hand squeezes her ass lightly on its way down and she giggles again. She’s never laughed this much during foreplay, ever.

He presses hot kisses against the front of her, still covered in her cotton underwear, before he loops his hook in then and starts tugging them down as well. Feeling the contrast between his warm fingers and his cool hook against her flaming skin drives her wild with her need for him.

He sits up so that he can toss her pants and boots to the floor, and she only thinks about how unfair it is that he’s still fully dressed for a moment before he’s trailing hot, wet kisses from her knee up the inside of her thigh. “So flawless,” he murmurs against her leg, biting her flesh and likely leaving a mark. “So perfect, and all mine.”

She moans again once he finds his way to her center, licking a strip through her dampened folds. She hums happily and her fingers find his hair, never tiring of the vision of his head between her legs. A thought pops into her head, and she realizes this is the first time they've been this intimate in his bed. It’s the first time they haven’t had to rush through it.

“Killian,” she breathes out as his fingers dive into her and curl just right.

He hums against her in response and she keens, arching her back in hopes of getting closer to him. “Aye, love?” he asks with his tongue planted against her clit.

“Fuck,” she mumbles. “More.”

She thought she was going to ask him to stop so that he could fuck her, but at this point, she’s so close that she can’t seem to form the words. He continues his unyielding attention to her until she snaps, silently screaming and pulling on his hair too hard.

It’s only once she’s come down, as he continues to stroke his fingers against her tightened muscles, that she notices him rutting his hips against the mattress, still fully clothed. She places her hands on his forehead, then his cheeks once he emerges from between her thighs. “Come here,” she whispers. He smiles, doesn’t smirk, and crawls up the length of her to plant a kiss on the tip of her nose. “You’re still dressed,” she remarks.

“I’m sure we can remedy that.”

“How? There are so many buttons, and they’re so small.” He laughs as she goes on. “How do you even get them done? I’m not surprised you leave so many open.”

“I suppose I’ll need your help then, darling.”

Pushing his shoulders, she flips him onto his back and straddles his lap, bending down to plant her lips against the skin of his chest with each button that she opens. She pushes it open and finds a scar from a blade on his side, below his ribs, and presses a kiss there. She finds another from a bullet on his shoulder and decorates it with another kiss. She takes his arm in hers and kisses the tattoo above his wrist.

She undoes the laces on his trousers and pulls them off, her face lining up with his cock so that she can lick a strip up his shaft. He groans as she does, and his hips jump towards her when she takes him in her mouth. She can hardly fit all of him in her mouth without her eyes watering.

She revels in the sounds he makes in response to each of her movements, groaning and moaning as she swallows around him. She hollows her cheeks around his tip before taking him again, but he places his hand on her cheek to stop her. “Love,” he rasps. “I want you.”

She releases him with a soft pop and looks at him through her lashes as he takes a deep breath, guiding her up to him and kissing her softly. “You’re incredible,” he whispers against her lips.

With a giggle, she sits up, taking him in her hand once more and stroking him a few times before running the tip along her folds. He squeezes her hip as she tucks him inside her and they groan in unison. She looks down at him as he fills her to the hilt, and she realizes it’s the first time that she’s made eye contact with him during sex. It won't be the last.

He thrusts up into her forcefully as she grinds on top of him, the two of them setting an unforgiving pace for themselves. For each other. He bends his knees behind her, supporting her rear against his thighs and giving her more leverage. She plants her palms on his chest, her hair a curtain around the both of them before he leans up to capture her lips in his. She drops down, her elbows beside his head and his arms around her waist to pull her closer as they continue their movements against each other.

After a moment, he shifts them so that they’re flipping over, Emma landing on her back with Killian on top of her. He plunges back in, kissing her passionately as he thrusts relentlessly, perfectly. She claws at his back and desperately whispers, “don’t stop,” into his ear. He groans and buries his nose into her neck and kisses her skin, the tender gesture a contrast from his fierce thrusts.

They reach a precipice together, clinging to each other and shouting out into each other’s skin. She lets her muscles tighten around him until she falls off the edge of the cliff he’s been working her towards, then she feels him spilling himself into her almost immediately after and it makes her cling to him harder.

He kisses along her neck and jaw and face endlessly as they come down from their highs, and she can only smile once she catches her breath. When she does, she kisses him back.

“That was marvelous,” he whispers, and she chuckles.

“Yeah,” she breathes back. “Thank you.”

“You needn’t thank me for that, love. I’m sure it’ll happen again.”

With a laugh, she says, “no, I mean thank you for listening. And for giving me a chance.”

He rests his forehead against hers and nuzzles his nose against her own and says, “always.”

~~~~

They should’ve been more careful. It was the middle of the morning when she arrived, and she was technically supposed to be working, so they should have taken care not to fall asleep. But when she wakes and the sun isn’t streaming brightly through the eastern-facing windows, she knows she’s screwed.

“Killian,” she hisses, jabbing his ribs with her elbow as he holds her back to his front. “Wake up, I have to go.”

“No you don’t,” he mumbles into her hair, holding her tighter.

“I’m supposed to be at the station.”

“Shhh.”

She rolls her eyes, unaware that Navy men could nap, and wriggles her way out of his tight hold in favor of grabbing her phone. She should have cleaned herself up before they fell asleep, but she didn’t exactly plan on that happening.

When she pulls her phone out of her pocket, she has 3 texts from David.

Hope everything’s going well… All good?

Actually, I don’t want to know.

Been a while, let me know if you’re coming back today.

Dammit.

She scurries around the room to get her clothes on, refusing to speak with her father without them, and then calls him to put his mind at ease. He answers on the first ring. “She’s alive!”

“I’m sorry. I lost track of time and—”

“Seriously, I don’t wanna know. Shifts almost over anyway,” she pulls the phone away and sees that he’s right. She’s a terrible sheriff. “I was able to handle everything. Take the rest of the day and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. You two worked it out, I’m assuming?”

With a grin and a blush as she looks down at Killian who begins to stir, she says, “yeah, we did. Thanks, Dad.”

“See you later,” he says, and she can hear the smile in his voice.

When she hangs up, she sees him smiling at her and she can’t help but to go back towards the bed. “Morning,” he murmurs.

“Hardly. It’s almost 3.”

“You must be famished then.” He pulls her hand so that she’s laying across his chest atop the blanket.

“I could eat, but I don’t know if I’m in the mood for another Poptart.”

“I wouldn’t dream of giving you more than one a day.” She doesn’t have the heart to tell him it comes with two in each package.

“Granny’s?”

“Sounds perfect.”

~~~~

They sit across from one another in the booth, Emma’s back to the door, before she thinks better of it and moves to sit beside him. It’s a tight squeeze, but she doesn’t mind being close to him. He gives her a look, a quirky smile as if he’s entertained, and tucks his hook under the table. She wonders if he does this to hide it from her, but she can’t imagine why he would think he’d need to. So, rather than ignore the thoughts like she may have a week ago, or even yesterday, she reaches under the table and takes his hook in her hand to hold it tenderly.

He breathes out in a way that could be a laugh, or perhaps it’s in disbelief, and he bumps her shoulder with his.

“The usual?” Granny asks with disinterest, seemingly unfazed by their close proximity and child-like grins.

“Yes, please,” Emma responds, stomach singing praises at the prospect of a grilled cheese and onion rings.

Killian orders a clam chowder, apparently something he can’t get enough of, much like you, love.

She giggles again, something that makes her so unlike the person she thought she was, and presses her nose to his neck, leaving a kiss there. She’s about to tell him something, she isn’t sure what— perhaps that she thinks he’s funny, or that he’s ridiculous— when the door opens with particular force.

“Emma,” she hears, the tone accusatory, and she straightens, stiffening but not pulling too far away.

Henry’s with him.

Neal picked him up from school.

“Hey mom!” he calls as he rushes towards the table and sits across from them.

“Hey kid,” she says back with a smile. Though she’s rigid, she feels her muscles relaxing in the presence of her son. “How was school?”

She notes Neal from the corner of her eye, sitting awkwardly at the counter but still facing them suspiciously.

“Good, I learned my eights times tables.”

“Wow,” she says with a smile. Though she hated math, she finds that Henry enjoys it, and she couldn’t be prouder. “That sounds fun.”

“What’s this time table? Some sort of clock?” Hook asks.

“Modern math,” Emma explains with a soft laugh, and he nods in understanding.

“So, what are you guys doing here?” he asks, gesturing towards her close proximity to Killian.

“Ah,” Hook says awkwardly, scratching behind his right ear. “Grabbing some lunch.”

“Isn’t it kinda late for lunch?”

She clears her throat and straightens a bit, taking hold of his hook once more under the table and trying to speak loud enough so that Neal can hear. She’s sure he will, as she’s sure he’s listening closely. “Actually, Henry, we’re on a date.” Killian looks at her immediately, surprise and excitement written across his face, and when she meets his gaze, she smiles softly at him. “Right?”

He looks at her so longingly, so… lovingly, that she can’t help leaning towards him. She almost kisses him before she hears Neal stand from his stool and walk over. “Henry, I gotta go.”

“I thought we were having milkshakes?”

“Seems like you can have one with your mom and… Hook,” he spits in disgust.

“Neal,” Emma tries, but he holds up a hand to silence her.

“It’s fine, Ems. I see you’ve made up your mind and that’s just fine.”

She glances towards Henry and Killian and then stands, placing a hand on Neal’s shoulder to not-so-gently persuade him to speak with her in private.

“Neal, come on,” she says once they’re alone.

“What?”

“So I didn’t choose to be with you! I’m sorry about that. It doesn’t have to impact us.”

“There is no us, Emma. You made that perfectly clear when you stood me up and got together with him.”

She rolls her eyes and huffs an angry breath. “We have a child together. We will always have a relationship. And you were engaged a few weeks ago! To someone who kidnapped my son!” she hisses in quiet anger.

“I didn’t know Tamara was like that!”

“The point is, you have no claim over me. You have no right to judge me for moving on and being happy with someone who isn’t you. I can’t go through this with you. You were just engaged to someone else. How could I even believe you?”

“That thing with Tamara wasn’t even real, Emma, you know that.”

“But you didn’t know that; it was real for you. And seeing how fast you moved on from her just reminded me how fast you moved on from me. After you left me in jail.”

“We’re not seriously talking about that again, are we?”

“We’ve never talked about it!” She’s trying so hard not to raise her voice, mindful of the fact that Hook is somehow entertaining Henry across the diner.

“I moved on from her because I knew I wanted to be with you!”

“It’s not enough for me. I deserve to be with someone who makes me feel safe. Who shows me every day that they want to be with me too. That I mean something to them.”

His tone is so patronizing that she feels herself shrinking. “When did I ever show you that you didn’t mean something to me?”

“When you called the cops!” She does shout now, the diner quieting and the patrons turning to look at them discreetly, and she blushes

“You’re really letting the chance of us go because of a pirate and a mistake I made 12 years ago.” It wasn’t a question. He seems in such disbelief and she honestly isn’t sure what to say to make him see her point. The fact that it isn’t just what happened 12 years ago.

“That wasn’t a mistake, Neal. A mistake is something you can fix. What you did ruined my life. You took away my chance to raise my child.” It’s all she can do to keep from crying at the memory of the decision she had to make.

“I didn’t know,” he says softly, weakly, as he looks down at his feet.

“I don’t care.”

“Well, what about Hook?” He asks, raising his voice now. “He left with the bean, didn’t he?”

“And then he immediately came back and helped us rescue Henry! He made amends! There’s nothing you can do that will make me forgive you for what you did to me. To him.”

“You said you loved me.”

“Because you gave me my son. You said you wouldn’t stop fighting for us; just… fight for him. He loves you, so I want to be civil and coparent with you. But that’s all you and I will ever be. Please respect that I’ve made my decision and it runs so much deeper than choosing between you and Killian.”

He’s silent for a moment, essentially pouting as he tucks his hands into his sweatshirt pockets and kicks at the ground, before he says, “fine. I gotta go.”

“Okay. When are you seeing Henry for dinner this week?”

“I don’t know.”

“Neal, don’t take this out on him. Just tell me when you plan on seeing him for dinner.”

“I don’t know,” he says more forcefully. “I’ll text you or something.”

“Fine.”

She watches as he walks by the booth, glaring at Hook and tapping Henry on the shoulder, then walks out the door without a word.

~~~~

Later, when they’re on his ship out on the bay, laying together on the main deck as the stars shine in the blackened sky, he runs his fingers through the ends of her hair and she traces hers through the curls on his chest. “I only know the Big Dipper,” she says softly, and he hums happily.

“I’ll teach you, love.”

She curls up closer to him, tucking her head into the space between his neck and shoulder. “That sounds nice.”

“And perhaps we can have dinner beforehand. Somewhere other than Granny’s?”

With a soft chuckle, she asks, “why Captain, are you asking me out?”

“I believe that’s customary in this realm, yes?”

“Yes, I guess it is.”

He kisses against her temple, pulling her closer to him until she’s giggling and hopping up onto his hips and straddling her thighs around his, running both hands along his cheeks and planting a chaste kiss on his lips. “Well then,” he says once she releases him, “I quite look forward to it. Henry informed me that you may enjoy an Italian meal.”

“Henry did?”

“Aye, lad was quite excited, I’d say. Said something about taking you out on a real date. And about being glad to see his mother so happy.”

She laughs in disbelief and shakes her head before kissing him, this one with more fervor than the last. She sneaks her tongue along his bottom lip softly as his hand trails up her waist, and she can’t help the contented sigh that releases from her nose. “I am happy,” she says when they press their foreheads together.

“Aye, I look forward to making you happy for many years to come.”

And he does make her happy, scaling her walls and crashing them down until all that remains between them is respect and trust and endless love.

~~~~

#csnlny #forget what I said #cs ff #captain swan fanfic #cs smut #captain swan smut #once upon a time fanfic #ouat ff #ouat smut

85 notes · View notes

ouatsnark · 3 years

Text

CS - Hate Debunked - Keep Reaching!

Because I just like debunking stupid things I see while scrolling through Once posts. Here's some more I've run across.

“Emma denied she was with Hook but never denied loving Neal”

Yeah she did deny she was in love with Neal. When she was on the beanstalk with Killian she denied ever being in love. You can say “well, she wasn’t about to open up to a stranger” and you’d be correct but you can’t say she “never denied it”. Cause she did. She tried to forget about Neal and the pain he obviously caused her. She was denying to herself that she ever loved him.

She also denied it to Neal’s face when she gave him his necklace back. Saying she wore it to remind herself never to trust again.

She also stood Neal up. She may not have been afraid to admit she loved Neal but she was afraid of letting him in again and was even hoping he was dead. If Emma’s love for Neal had never died then she’d have never wanted that nor ever needed that closure so he could never hurt her again. Did Emma love Neal? Yeah. He was the first man she fell in love with and is the father of her child. But that doesn’t mean he was anything more than a former lover or that she was still in love with him. That was pretty obvious when she stood him up and it was Killian’s attention she encouraged at the town line, not Neal’s.

I find it amusing that these Swanfire fans have to use Emma’s confusion about where she stands with Hook after a pretty hot make-out session as proof she “denied being with him”. She didn’t know what they were in 4x01 because she’d only just let her walls down and then she became worried about Regina going all evil queen if she saw them together. Her walls had gone back up by that point because as she says she was “afraid of losing him too”. Which brings me to the following claim:

“Emma loved Neal & wasn’t afraid to say it but could only tell Hook she loved him when they were in danger”

It’s like they missed the part where Neal was the reason Emma built her walls and the reason she couldn’t open herself up was due to Neal’s abandonment and betrayal. Neal caused that. Regina too. She was just opening herself up to Graham when Regina murdered him. To Emma, every time she opened her heart to someone she lost them. Not just romantically either. It happened to her in the foster care system. Emma was afraid to love and lose that love. It took her a while to overcome that.

She couldn’t admit out loud that she loved Killian because she was afraid of losing him. And that is very significant difference. However, once she was over that she did openly admit to everyone that she loved Killian. Killian was the one she couldn’t stand to lose and literally went to hell and back for.

And before anyone says “but she tells ghostNeal she’d have done the same for him!” Honestly? I don’t believe it. She wanted his help because she immediately goes from that to “please tell me how to save him” and then in true Neal fashion ghostNeal denies her her happiness. Also, Emma may have cried over Neal but it was Killian Jones she couldn’t live without. Emma hoped Neal was dead. Emma fought for Killian. Emma cried once over Neal but she didn’t mourn him. But Emma mourned Killian.

“Hook didn't believe Emma until he saw the ink from the pages on Liam's hand. Neal would have believed Emma the instant she said it without any proof.”

I spit my wine out when I read that.

Neal accused Emma of being jealous of his fiancé and mocked her super powers. He also questioned her abilities when she suggested that she pick up the watches. So please, the idea that Neal would “believe her without proof” is absurd.

From my point of view - and this is my opinion - How often did Killian Jones follow Emma’s lead? Many times. He followed her lead up the beanstalk, in Neverland, during the Ice Witch Hunt, during the hunt for Zelena and trusted her plans to get them all home when in the Underworld. I don’t look at this as Killian not believing Emma but Killian not believing in himself & the fact that he regarded his brother as a hero. Anyone would have a hard time believing the worse in their hero. It takes more than someone elses opinion to knock our heroes off the pedestals we put them on no matter who that someone is. He thought he knew his brother and Emma had just met the guy. Also, Killian was dealing with a lot of guilt and remorse at the time.

Killian also apologized to Emma. Neal didn’t until he decided he wanted her back after his fiancé was dead and it was convenient for him.

“Hook said “one of these days I’m going to stop following this woman” before following her into the time portal. Regina wouldn’t have hesitated”

I LOLed at this one. First off, Hook wasn’t hesitating. He was making a sarcastic remark before letting go and following Emma to uncertain ends. And secondly, Regina stood by when Emma disappeared into the hat. Snow jumped in without hesitation. Regina wouldn’t even, initially, face her sister so that they could get to Emma after Emma took on the darkness. Killian did though. He met the issue head on. Regina would hardly ever follow Emma’s lead. In fact, I can’t think of one time Regina did … Regina always thought her plans and ideas were better than Emma’s.

And before anyone says “But what about the Wish Realm! It was Regina that went not Killian!” Well, yeah, Killian couldn’t. He wasn’t in control of the genie. Regina was. She says as much to the EQ before she makes the wish. Which by the way … why didn’t Regina just wish Emma back? Was there a reason she didn’t? Other than to make the two most ridiculous Regina Fan Service Episodes to ever exist?

“Emma kissed Hook while Henry’s life was in danger and that makes her a bad mother”

Soooo what does it make Regina when she was banging a dying woman’s husband and ignoring calls from the people looking after the son she illegally adopted and abused for 10+ years? I’ll wait.

I don’t think Emma kissing Hook in that moment made her a bad mother or a bad person. Snowing kissed a lot during that time… are they bad grandparents? Funny how I’ve never heard anyone make that insinuation!

Emma wasn’t ignoring the gravity of the situation they faced. It was a single moment. Now if she’d decided to make out with him instead of following a lead they’d just gotten then I’d listen to you… but as Killian says “you have to enjoy the quiet moments” and that was a quiet moment. And she wasn’t getting any urgent calls either… soooo… shut up and enjoy the chemistry.

It’s fine not to like CaptainSwan but can we at least stop trying to rewrite the show? Thanks.

Anything you’d like me to debunk? Send me a message or let me know in the comments!

#captain swan #anti swanfire #anti swan queen #cs hate debunked

81 notes · View notes

emmaswcns · 3 years

Note

hey renee! 💖 how about emma, regina and neal for the character headcanon asks? :)

libby !!! i miss you & thank you !!! <33333

going under a read more so i don't jam up everyone's dash boards lmao

( also tagging @swiftbarnes bc my angel sent in emma and regina too 🤍 )

emma swan:

Sexuality Headcanon: i rly don't like answering these questions bc they end up getting hate in my inbox lmao but imo emma is NOT straight (see examples: lily, regina, ruby and aurora) but she also has great sexual chemistry with men (examples: neal, hook, jefferson, august, graham). so i wanna say bisexual?

A ship I have with said character: should this be a random one? bc obviously everyone knows i love me some swanqueen and captain swan lmao but i guess i'll go w the one most prominent to me rn: emma and will scarlett. i know they had brief interactions, but omg, idk why but i loved their banter back and forth and how emma was so casual w him even though she didn't know him? she doesn't tend to act that way w strangers, especially someone who was breaking into libraries and ruining her date lmao, but i just thought they were cute. obviously knew it would never happen, but i dig it

A BROTP I have with said character: emma and elsa forever. elsa was the perfect friend for emma and i'm so happy that they met and had an entire arc together. my heart broke when elsa left emma though. i wish elsa and anna stayed in storybrooke so emma could have a best friend :(

A NOTP I have with said character: emma & rumple! ofc, no judgment/shame on anyone who does ship it, just not for me.

A random headcanon: emma has a praise kink lmao and that's that on that lmao

General Opinion over said character: emma is the light of my life and i love her so fucking much. i am so sad about how her character from (i wanna say) season 6 on got destroyed and diminished to whatever/whoever she was by the end, but the good thing about the tv show/fic is you can always go back and re-watch emma's good times on the show or read fic with better alternative endings for her character!

regina mills:

Sexuality Headcanon: also same as emma but i get the sense that she prefers women more than men.

A ship I have with said character: i honestly don't ship regina w anyone other than emma? like wow i hate myself for that lmao but i just don't see it w anyone? i didn't like her and robin, we barely knew daniel... i guess i understand the allure of regina & mal? but idk. wow. i suck lmao. rumple maybe? like evil queen regina and rumple i can totally see lol

A BROTP I have with said character: i love regina's relationship with the charmings' and how they all evolve into one big found family. i love how regina still calls them names and acts like she hates them, but really, she knows david, snow and emma are her best friends lmfao

A NOTP I have with said character: ummmm... i can literally imagine regina w anyone? lmao probably my notp would be zelena? but idk everyone in this show is somehow related in some way so lmao

A random headcanon: i s2g it’s not just bc i love swanqueen lmao but i always got the vibe that regina was in love w emma and emma is totally oblivious. like regina’s “happy ending” was supposedly robin but he didn’t even last through the show so lol no & she never got with anyone else (i never watched the last season so i may be ignorant to her finding her true love but i’ve seen a lot of posts and it doesn’t seem that way but pls correct me if i’m wrong!) she never got over emma and hook being together (i.e., all her rude comments about them, never warming to hook), her facial expression when she learns emma’s engaged, that look at emma’s wedding.... just she’s in love w emma and she knows it’s unrequited love bc emma is dumb (i made myself sad okay wow bye)

General Opinion over said character: i can’t believe that i used to hate her. the first time i watched the show, i despised regina and idk why! i think deep down she’s my favorite character (emma i’m sorry). her redemption arc and everything, just so good. i love her so much. she deserves the world.

neal cassidy:

Sexuality Headcanon: pretty straight. this show had a way of making everyone feel kinda gay in some sort of way but neal was always pretty straight to me

A ship I have with said character: SWANFIRE. there’s nothing else. just emma and neal forever.

A BROTP I have with said character: i wish that neal and killian were able to make amends had neal survived bc they would’ve been a great duo. also love neal and belle’s relationship as well.

A NOTP I have with said character: neal x hook. again, no shame in anyone’s shipping game, just not for meeeee.

A random headcanon: well in my head neal never fucking died and he and emma raised henry together along w regina and they all went to parent-teacher conferences and dealt with bad grades together. emma and neal would obviously be the less strict parents where regina is, well, regina. neal, if not romantically with emma, would’ve found someone (*cough* tallahaasee *cough*) and they would’ve been one big happy family together ugh

General Opinion over said character: i truly believe that the writers killed him off to pave the way for emma and hook. i think as long as neal was around, emma’s character wouldn’t of fully given herself to hook and the writers knew that so they took him out of the equation entirely. i think it would’ve been so cute for neal to be there w emma and support her for moving on and all that. i truly believe neal was emma’s true love (swanqueen feels aside lmao) but they didn’t need to kill him off to prove that he wasn’t. i could be totally wrong and the actor had other engagements but it’s just my opinion hahaha

#also i hate talking about gender stuff / assuming someone's gender so i took out the gender headcanon bit #thank you for sending me a message tho!#libby tag #katie tag #once upon a time #ouat

15 notes · View notes

let-it-raines · 4 years

Text

Nonnie, this is quite possibly one of the funniest prompts I’ve ever received. I actually, legitimately laughed out loud when I read it, and I definitely had to find the original post to read it all. Not gonna lie, I’m totally rooting for that poor girl.

I hope you enjoy this version of such a crazy little tale 😘

on ao3 | here | if that’s more your style

-/-

Her back is absolutely killing her. There are bones in positions they are definitely not supposed to be in, and she has to wonder where the hell David and Mary Margaret got their couch. Emma secretly thinks that when she asked them if she could come stay with them for a few weeks – days, weeks, months, who the hell knows at this point – they got rid of their old couch and replaced it with one that they found on the side of the road that’s full of extra springs and the smallest amount of cushion stuffing on the planet.

David and Mary Margaret are too full of kindness to do something like that, but she knows that if her sister – if she had one obviously – called and said she lost her job and her apartment and needed a place to crash for a little while, she would definitely make the stay as uncomfortable as possible.

If the couch crasher isn’t comfortable, it means they won’t stay as long, right?

It’s July, and she’s been on their couch since the end of April. So much for that theory, obviously. But hey, at least she’s not stuck still living with Neal because if she had to sleep in the same apartment as her cheating douchebag of an ex, there is no guarantee that she wouldn’t murder him in his sleep.

Small blessings and all.

Emma raises her arms above her head and interlaces her hands together, stretching her body out and loosening up her limbs, before she moves her legs and starts running. She’s never been much of a runner. She always thought it was some kind of voluntary torture. Back in Boston, she had a kickboxing gym she went to every day, but there’s not one of those in Storybrooke. There’s one gym here, and it’s got out of date equipment that definitely aren’t cleaned every day. There’s no way she’d ever pay for that when she’s already short on cash to begin with.

So running on the beach it is, even if it makes her calves feel like they are legitimately on fire.

There’s no one on the beach this morning. Sometimes tourists will get here early and mark their space with their chairs and their umbrellas, but today, it’s blissfully empty so that she can run up and down the sand without being bothered. Music blares through her headphones, and it propels her forward every time that she wants to quit. She’s never been one to want to stare at the ocean and soak in its beauty. It’s never calmed her, but now, when her days are spent going between having a bad back, serving drinks to people who don’t know how to tip, and wondering if her life is always going to suck this much, she thinks that the ocean isn’t that bad.

It’s calm and beautiful, and right now, it’s as blue as the…what the fuck?

Emma stops jogging, sand kicking up around her, and her breath escapes her as she squints and looks out onto the ocean past the pier.

Is there…is there someone out there?

About forty, fifty feet out in the water, there’s some kind of floating figure. She can’t really tell from here, but it looks like there’s a man floating on his back, his head tilted backward.

Oh shit.

This area has been full of scuba divers this summer, but they’re usually in groups and only go in the afternoon with some kind of instructor. This guy – or girl, she can’t really tell right now because she doesn’t have her contacts in and can’t see that far away – must have been a dumbass and gone on his own.

Her stomach is heavy, like it’s full of wet sand, and when she looks around, she’s reminded that there’s no one around.

Shit, shit, shit.

This isn’t what she’s trained to do. She’s not even technically trained to do anything. She’s only really ever worked in food service besides her boring as hell office job in Boston, and none of that would have ever prepared her for something like this.

“Oh, what the hell?” Emma mumbles to herself as she pulls her tank top off before tugging her leggings down, kicking them off with her socks and shoes. She drops her phone and her headphones into her shoes. She’s in nothing but a sports bra and a pair of underwear that literally has little animated penises on it from Mary Margaret’s bachelorette party, but that doesn’t really matter when this guy (girl) might be dying.

The water is cold when she first dives in, and salt gets up her nose so that her throat is itching, but she manages to swim out to the water as quickly as possible. Now that she’s closer, she can see that it’s definitely a man, and Emma closes her eyes as she closes the final strides and reaches for him.

When she opens them, he is staring directly at her, blue eyes blown wide in what she can only assume is confusion.

So, he’s not dead. That’s good to know.

“Are you okay?” Emma blurts out, salt water still in her mouth that she hacks up.

The guy nods and slowly removes his regulator and his mask. One eyebrow raises before they both furrow together. “Aye.”

Great. He thinks she’s a lunatic. She probably is.

She just tried to save a man from drowning when he wasn’t actually drowning.

This is all Mary Margaret and David’s fault because they own the most uncomfortable couch in existence, and she obviously is suffering from poor decision making because of a lack of sleep.

“I thought you were dead!” Emma explains as she starts treading water and hopes that a shark doesn’t show up any time soon. That would really be the cherry on top of her day. “But you’re obviously not dead.”

“No, love, I don’t think I am.”

“What’s going on here?”

Emma stops treading and dips under the water before she rises back up and sees another guy floating a few feet away. As she looks around more and more keep popping up, all of them deadly silent, and if she had any air in her lungs right now, she would scream.

What the hell has she just walked…swam into?

And then, when she comes to her senses, she realizes that they’re all laughing at her.

The bunch of assholes.

(She probably deserves their laughter, but she won’t admit to that.)

“Alright, alright,” the non-dead guy says, raising his hand in the air, “leave the lady alone. She is a real savior, okay?” He flashes her a pearly white smile and nods back to the shore. “Do you want to go back and get away from these assholes?”

What she’d like to do right now is drown, but there seems to be none of that going around today.

“Yeah, I would. I don’t need you to take me back though.”

“Good because I’m not going to. I’m simply going to happen to be swimming to the shore at the same time that you do.”

Emma nods and then turns around and starts swimming back. He stays at her heels while his friends whistle out words she’s ignoring behind them, and while Emma considers herself to be in good shape, she is not a swimmer. The adrenaline from her run and from her not-so-daring rescue are wearing off, and she can feel her breathing getting heavier and heavier. Is the shore getting further away? That would be impossible.

“You’re so lucky you weren’t actually dying back there because there was no way I was going to be able to drag your sorry ass back to shore.” He chuckles, and she cuts her eyes back at him. “I’m glad you find this funny.”

“I find this hysterical, love. You need a tug to shore?”

She does, but there’s no way in hell that she’s going to accept that.

“Absolutely not.”

Eventually, after what feels like ages, she steps foot on solid, if sandy, ground, and the early morning air nips at her skin as she emerges from the water. She tries to shake it off while walking toward her clothes, but she knows that there’s no way that she could possibly get her leggings back on.

That would be torture of an entirely different kind.

Holy shit. She’s wearing underwear with cartoon dicks on them.

This day could not get any worse.

Except when she turns around, she sees the guy stripping out of his gear, only the wetsuit left on, and this is the first time she gets a really good luck at him. He’s trim, like he spends a heck of a lot more time swimming than she does, and he’s got dark stubble across his jaw that she imagines would feel fantastic brushing against her skin. His eyes also seem to be bluer now, and she definitely didn’t think that was possible.

Okay, so maybe her day could get worse.

Or a little better.

Then she watches his eyes tail down her body, just for a moment, but it’s long enough that she knows that he’s noticed her unfortunate choice in underwear.

“So, do you go about saving people every morning or is this just a one-time thing?”

“Definitely a one-time thing since all of my effort was apparently useless.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. That’s the most entertainment me and the boys have had in weeks. I don’t think we’re going to forget about this for a long time.”

Emma nods and bends down to get her tank top. She pulls it over, and it immediately clings to her skin. So much for getting a little coverage. “You lead that boring of a life then? All diving all the time?”

“Lately, yeah.”

“Is that so?”

He shakes his hair out and runs his fingers through his locks, and she is not distracted by that at all.

(She is definitely not thinking about the fact that she hasn’t had sex in several months.)

(She just embarrassed the hell out of herself in front of him, so that shouldn’t even be a though going through her mind.)

(Even if these were normal circumstances, that wouldn’t be a thought that went through her mind this early in the morning.)

“We’re training for diving school for the Navy,” he explains. “We’ve got a few weeks off that we’re spending up here for the incredible diving spots, but then we’ll be in Florida for four months.”

“Well, I hope you won’t need any saving while you’re there.”

“It won’t be you, so I’m not sure that it’d be quite as enjoyable.” Emma rolls her eyes, and she has to try her hardest not to let herself smile. That was a bad line. She will not smile at it. “Killian Jones, by the way. And you are?”

“Emma Swan.” She reaches out to take his hand to shake, but instead, he pulls it up and brushes his lips across the back of her hand, never breaking eye contact.

“It’s nice to meet you, Swan. You wouldn’t happen to know a good spot around here to get a beer, would you?”

Emma looks down at her feet, kicking them in the sand, before she raises her head and smiles. He’s flirting with her. She just embarrassed the hell out of herself, interrupted a military training exercise, and he’s flirting with her.

What’s wrong with him?

“I actually work at the Crab Shack down by the pier. Don’t let the name fool you. There is only a small possibility that you’ll get crabs if you shack up while there.”

Okay, what is wrong with her?

Killian cocks his head to the side and chuckles as a water droplet falls from his hair and streaks down his face. Why is that so distracting? “I’ll see if the boys and I can stop by tonight. You know, to celebrate the woman who saved me.”

“Alright, alright,” Emma laughs, holding her hands up and bowing her head. “I get it. I’m never going to live this down.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.”

-/-

David and Mary Margaret are both at work when she gets home, so she thankfully doesn’t have to explain her appearance. Her heart is still racing and her clothes are still soaking wet. Her leggings were pretty much impossible to get on, so she walked through the streets of Storybrooke in nothing but sneakers, a tank top, and dick-covered underwear. She takes a shower and tries to wash away the embarrassment of the morning. She never thought that she was one to embarrass easily, but she guesses that was not some kind of normal situation.

Why is she such an idiot?

Is this just a new low point in her life?

She’s not working until after lunch, and while she would usually take this time to clean up around the loft to show her appreciation for David and Mary Margaret for letting her crash here, she doesn’t do that. Instead, she spends a ridiculous amount of time trying to decide what to wear to work, like she’s not going to wear her regular cut-offs and a tank top. That’s exactly what she puts on, and if she decides to add a lacy bralette, well, that’s just because all of her other bras need to be washed.

Eventually, she heads to work, clocks in, and starts helping to serve the few tables and the people at the bar. It’s pretty slow, though, and when there’s only one guy in a booth in the corner, she tells Ruby about her morning.

Considering Ruby literally starts choking from laughing so much, Emma thinks maybe that wasn’t her best idea.

“You were wearing the underwear from Marg’s bachelorette party?”

“It was clean! I have to do laundry!”

“This is the best thing to ever happen to me,” Ruby laughs, leaning forward and resting her face on the countertop before she pops back up with wide eye and a wolfish smirk. “Wait. Did you say that he’s coming here tonight?”

“Mhm.”

“Is that why you have on mascara?”

“I wear makeup sometimes.”

“Rarely.” Ruby places her hands on her hips, and okay, maybe she definitely shouldn’t have told Ruby. She probably wouldn’t have noticed the Navy guys coming in. “Oh, is he cute? Are you going to sleep with him? Is that what’s up with you looking slightly put together. Emma Swan, have you gone and found yourself a man in the most ridiculous way possible?”

“I am not going to sleep with him.” Ruby raises her brows and then winks, and all Emma can do is shake her head. “He’s in the Navy. He’s about to go to Florida for four months and then who knows where? What would even be the point?”

“That sounds like the perfect excuse to sleep with him. There are no strings attached, and I’m sure he knows that too. I mean, you’ve got to get over that douche eventually. Why not do it with a hot guy who is going to leave, no strings attached?”

She’s only known Ruby from when she’s come to visit David, but they’ve managed to be pretty close friends over the last few months. Ruby is fearless and crass, and there’s never anything holding her back. Emma often wishes she was like that.

The girl is right, unfortunately, not that Emma would admit that to her. She would never shut up about it.

“He’s probably not even going to show, Rubes.”

-/-

He shows.

His entire crew doesn’t. It’s just him and two guys named Robin and Will, and they all settle down at a booth, ordering burgers and drinks and taking the piss out of her every time she brings them something. Will is the main culprit, and she’s pretty sure that he’s the one who scared the shit out of her earlier by silently popping up out of nowhere.

It’s weird seeing them all out of their gear and in their civilian clothes. Killian is in a pair of dark jeans that hug his legs – not that she was staring or anything – and a short-sleeved gray t-shirt. A tattoo peaks out underneath his sleeve, and she’s curious as to what it is.

She’s not going to sleep with him, though. That’s not…that’s not happening.

“So, I have to ask,” Ruby says after Emma’s been chatting with them on and off for an hour, “did you manage to get a good look at the panties this girl had on earlier?”

“I’m afraid I didn’t, love,” Killian tells Ruby before looking at Emma and winking.

Oh, she might be in trouble if he’s going to do things like that..

“Really?” Ruby asks, disappointed.

“I’m afraid that I was too busy being thankful to be saved to pay any attention to what my savior was wearing.”

“I call bullshit on that, but whatever. You really missed out too. They were the greatest pair of panties in existence.”

Little by little, the bar fills up with people, mostly tourists, but a few locals come in. Will and Robin start talking with a few guys they happen to know, but Killian comes to sit at the bar across from her where she learns that he’s originally from California but that his dad was in the military growing up and they moved around a lot. His mom was British, and they spent the majority of his early years in England, which explains the slight accent, and he has an older brother who lives in Denmark with his wife. At twenty-four, he’s only three years older than her, and he says that he got a bit of a late start to being in the Navy, messing around too much and not knowing what the hell it is he wanted to do with his life.

Emma gets that more than he could probably ever know. She’s literally sleeping on her brother’s couch and working in a place called the Crab Shack.

They don’t even sell crab most days.

He gives as good as he gets with being teased, and she finds that he’s always quick to give back an insult or a jab whenever one comes from Ruby or from his friends.

Or from her.

It’s easy talking to him, laughing and sharing a drink and some fries, and as the night goes on, it’s even easier to forget that she hasn’t flirted since Neal and that the man smiling across from her was the witness to one of the most embarrassing moments of her life.

Killian kisses her against the wall in the hallway that leads back to the bathrooms and the storage closets. It’s dark, the music from the bar dimmed, and the only thing she can focus on is the warmth of his mouth and the expert sweep of his tongue as chills scatter across her body before warming her everywhere, from her toes to her cheeks but especially in the pit of her belly. She hasn’t been kissed like that in quite some time, if not ever, and getting lost in it is as easy as anything she’s ever done.

She doesn’t sleep with him, though.

She desperately wants to, aches for it really, but he mutters something about being a gentleman, which she protests against, but he reassures her that he is, indeed, always a gentleman.

Making out with her in the hallway of a bar doesn’t really allow that theory to hold up, but she guesses he’s going to play the gentleman card.

He promises he’ll be back, though, asking her if she’s working tomorrow, and when she says yes, he kisses her again and then walks out the door.

-/-

Killian comes back the next day.

And the next.

And the one after that.

And then he asks if he can see her outside of work, take her on a proper date or something, and the only reason Emma says yes is because she knows this is temporary. He’s going to leave soon, so it’s okay for her to get to know him and laugh with him and make out with him in the backseat of her car until her lips are kiss-swollen and every part of her is flushed.

It’s okay for her to get to know how he likes his burgers and what his favorite drink is and that the tattoo on his arm is in honor of his mom who passed away five years ago. She learns more about his brother and his apparently shitty dad, just as she tells him about David who he apparently had some kind of run-in with on his first night in town, and little by little, she starts to know all of these pieces of this man she never should have met.

If she were a romantic, Emma would say that this is like something out of a movie, a summer romance that passes by in montages full of laughter and good times. She’s not a romantic, though. She knows that this is the real world where things don’t work out like that, but even so, the weeks pass by, and when she goes to bed at night, she finds herself thinking of blue eyes and a kind but mischievous smile.

Oh.

Oh, okay. Maybe she’s gotten herself in too deep of waters without knowing the way out, and this time, there’s not going to be some idiot running along the beach who dives out into the ocean to save her.

Despite her thoughts starting to attack her, her heart aching even when she tells it to stop, she continues to see him whenever she can. And a week before he leaves, they manage to find a time when no one is home but the two of them, and while she doesn’t intend for it go that far, once his lips brush across her neck and liquid heat blazes over her skin, there’s no stopping them as they shed their clothes.

“No dick-covered underwear today, love?” Killian whispers against her bare stomach as he kisses her in such a way that her stomach ripples.

“I’m afraid those have been retired.”

“A pity that.”

They don’t talk much for the next few minutes, not more than curses and instructions and repetitive words of pleasure, and as her heart races while Killian drives her absolutely mad with his movements, it also aches, the ticking time bomb she wants liked suddenly something she’s dreading.

She likes him.

Honestly, truly likes him.

He’s kind and funny and has a mouth on him that matches hers in curses and in banter. He asks her about her day and listens to her when she talks, which Neal nearly never did, and while she finds that what’s between them is physical, there’s something more underneath the surface, so damn close to breaking through.

When he leaves, she doesn’t want to say goodbye. She’s never been particularly good at those, but Killian still comes to the bar, sits with her at the counter likes it’s not his last day, and when he has to go, he takes her hand and pulls her outside, the wind whipping around them and the smell of salt permeating the air.

“There’s not a day will go by I won’t think of you.”

Emma nearly makes some kind of sarcastic quip, but instead she leans up on her toes and slowly glides her lips over his, savoring the softness and undeniable warmth of them one last time.

“Good.”

-/-

Emma wakes to a text the next morning.

KJ: So, I have some time off in January. Do you think I could take you to dinner?

ES: I think that could be arranged. I don’t know if I’ll recognize you all bundled up to live through Maine’s winter weather.

KJ: I’ll bring a red rose, just in case.

Emma rolls over on the couch and buries her smile in her pillow.

ES: I am looking forward to it.

-/-

Emma sees Killian for the first time – FaceTime not included – on January third, four months and a week after they said goodbye. He’s standing outside her apartment – one she shares with Ruby, each of them with their own, actual bedrooms – dressed in his Naval dress uniform with a red rose in his hand.

His hair is shorter, his usual stubble a little bit more trimmed, his skin tanned, and even with his uniform, she can see that his shoulders are broader than they were this summer.

“Hi,” Emma whispers. She thought she was yelling it, but it definitely only came out as a whisper. “You’re not supposed to be here until tomorrow.”

He cocks his head to the side, smile bright, and God, she has missed that smile. “Ah, well, you see, I had an opportunity to see the woman I love one day sooner, and there was no way in hell I was going to pass up that opportunity.”

“The woman you love, huh?”

“Aye.” He steps closer, and it takes everything in Emma not to tackle him to the ground. “She’s this fiery lass who is beyond brilliant and witty. And, I’ll have you know, that she is so brave that she’ll dive into the ocean to save a drowning man. Would you happen to know anyone like that?”

Emma rolls her eyes and closes the distance between them. It was once 1,500 miles (she may have looked it up), but that is no longer. And it feels damn good. “I might have an idea where you can find her.”

“Good,” he says, her own word from so long ago echoing back to her, before pressing his lips to hers in a deep, slow kiss that feels like it never stopped.

She has never been so thankful for David’s shitty couch and how it inadvertently led her to this.

#the one where emma goes underwater #cs prompts #cs fic #cs ff #cs fanfic #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #captain swan fanfic #Captain Swan

125 notes · View notes

searchingwardrobes · 3 years

Text

I’ve been thinking all day about this post that I saw and reblogged about Snow’s desire to have another baby and how that hurt Emma. While it is completely understandable for Emma to feel that way as the lost girl that she is, I don’t think Snow is evil or a bad mother to want another baby. I’ve even read fics where people delete the birth of Snowing’s son altogether, seeing them having another child as a betrayal of Emma. I disagree completely. It isn’t them having another child that is problematic, it’s the way it was written in the show. Snow’s words in the echo cave that what she has with Emma isn’t what she wanted is a poor choice of words, but as a mother myself, I get what she was trying to say. Every mother wants to experience all the special moments as their child grows: the squishy baby against their shoulder, the first steps and words, the gap toothed six year old smiles - all of it. It’s what’s so tragic about the curse and what it did to Snowing and Emma. Snow having another baby doesn’t mean she’s “replacing Emma” because, by that logic, every mother who has more than one child is a bad person. Every mother who has a baby after losing a child is a bad person. That’s ridiculous. Any mother will tell you that ten babies can never replace the one you lost (or the ones you have for that matter). And if the Snowings should never have children as some sort of penance for giving Emma away, then by that logic, Captain Swan should never have children either because Emma gave up Henry.

Soooo, the problem isn’t Snowing having another baby. It’s the show’s writers doing Snowing dirty time and again by sweeping Emma’s emotions under the rug and having David and Snow cater more to Regina than their own daughter. We’ve heard the shows creators and writers use the excuse that they didn’t have time. Well, it wouldn’t have taken much. Dozens of little moments could have done the trick, they just didn’t take advantage of the opportunities they had to include them. So here are some quick scenes I wrote that either tweak canon or add to it and fix what the writers botched. These are written like scripts because I just needed to get them out of me. If anyone is inspired to use these as prompts for fics, feel free!

In Neverland:

Snow: If you can’t leave this place, then I’m staying with you. I’m not losing you again.

Charming: No, you can’t do that, Emma needs you.

(tears fill Snow’s eyes)

Snow: You’re right.

Charming pulls her close

Charming: I have hope that you and Emma will find a way to bring me home. We always find each other, remember?

Later, Emma is alarmed that they are leaving her dad behind. Snow takes her face in her hands.

Snow: We’ll find a way to bring him home - together.

Emma and Snow have a conversation in 3B ( did they ever get this chance in canon? I don’t think they did.)

Snow: (rubbing her belly) I get the sense that this is bothering you.

Emma: Why would it bother me?

Snow: (touching Emma’s arm) You can tell me.

Emma: I know it sounds silly, but I feel like . . . like I’m being replaced. (her voice hitches)

Snow: Oh sweetheart, we always knew we wanted you to have siblings. You could never be replaced.

Emma: But in the echo caves, you said I wasn’t what you wanted.

Snow: (eyes widening) Oh baby, no! That’s not what I meant at all. I meant that being separated from you wasn’t what I wanted - as a mother. We deserved so much more than we had - you deserved so much more. I wanted a chance to hold a baby, see his first steps, hear his first words. I’m sure you understand.

Emma: (chokes on a sob) I do, actually. I wanted all that with Henry, but I knew he needed more than I could give. And the worst part is, these false memories of raising him? Now they’re torturing me.

Snow: (pulls Emma close and holds her) I put you through that wardrobe because I had no idea what the curse would do.

Emma: (chokes out laugh) I would still be a baby now, for one.

Snow: (pulls back and cups Emma’s face) And who knows if Regina even would have let us be together. Your father was in a coma in the hospital. I shudder to think where my precious baby Emma would have been. (She presses her forehead to Emma’s.) Nothing could ever replace you, not now, not ever. Do you hear me?

(Emma nods and smiles through her tears.)

While Charming and Emma are putting together the crib, Snow gets quiet and wistful, then tears fill her eyes.

Snow: You were supposed to be so much younger when it was time to get ready for a new brother or sister.

Emma: (pauses in what she is doing to give her mother a watery smile) I know.

At the naming ceremony:

Snow: David and I thought about all of the many people who have loved us and supported us over the years. There are two special people who have not only been our friends, but also sheltered me when I needed a home. (chuckles) And didn’t hold it against me that I was hiding in their barn stealing their eggs. So we would like to introduce: Prince Lucas!

(Ruby and Granny gasp tearfully, then rush over. Ruby hugs Snow tightly and Granny gently takes the baby.)

Granny: Well, now that he has a name, I can finally finish that baby blanket.

(The crowd in the diner laughs.)

(Now Emma doesn’t have to be reminded of her painful past/awful ex every time she says her brother’s name.)

Emma realizes she’s made her baby brother’s bottle start boiling - ignore my alliteration :) - all the other mothers in the mommy & me class gasp or recoil, but Snow reaches out gently to her daughter.

Snow: It’s okay, Emma.

Emma is freaked out that she could have hurt her brother and runs from the room while Snow shouts after her, frantically getting LUCAS (not Neal) into his stroller so she can go after her. This sufficiently establishes the fear Emma has that she will hurt her family or push them away - Snow recoiling wasn’t necessary just as it wasn’t necessary for Hook or Henry to recoil from Emma to convey the plot point.

Instead of teaching Regina to dance:

Snow: (in her chambers, sees her husband rushing to leave) Where are you going?

Charming: I just realized I never got a chance to teach my daughter to dance, (harkening back to the dream he had in 3b - HELLO writers!) and this is her first ball.

Snow grins at the excitement on his face and in his voice and rushes out with him, baby LUCAS in her arms. But when they get to Emma’s chamber, the door is ajar, and they see someone has beat them to it:

Hook: It’s a waltz Emma, remember? You’ve done this before, and splendidly I might add.

Emma: You did it splendidly, you mean. Remember, pick a partner who knows what he’s doing?

(Hook laughs, and in the doorway, Charming deflates, smiling sadly and wistfully.)

Charming: (whispering to his wife) I forgot, this isn’t her first ball after all, and she already has a teacher.

(Snow touches him in a comforting way. Across the room, Hook looks up and sees them. He catches Charming’s eyes, and a look of understanding crosses his face.)

Emma: Besides, there will be other dances besides, waltzes, right? How will I learn those in only a few hours?

Hook: Well, love, I believe reinforcements have arrived. Someone else would like a dance.

(Emma looks up as her father approaches, a smile beaming across her face. Charming is visibly choked up as he takes Emma in his arms to dance. Hook and Snow exchange emotional smiles.)

Snow: And after the dancing lessons your mother is going to help you get dressed and do your hair.

Emma: (pretending to be embarrassed) This isn’t the prom.

Snow: No, but it is our first ball together. (She’s choked up - they all are.)

In addition to these, I believe the writers should never have done the “darkness was taken out of fetus Emma” storyline. I could write an entire post on this, but all I will say here is that it harmed Snowing’s established characters and did further damage to their relationship with Emma. For no reason at all, really. (And does Emma really seem like a pure snowflake with no darkness in her? Does that even fit her character? Please.)

They also never should have added the plot point in season 6 that Snowing could have gone to little girl Emma and chose not to. Why in the world would them going to her prevent the curse from breaking? That makes no sense! They could have raised her from that point, preparing her for her 28th birthday, when they could have all returned to Storybrooke TOGETHER to wake everyone else up from the curse. The only reason that couldn’t happen was - plot. You change the entire show. So why even include this plot thread? It did nothing but make Snowing look like bad parents. I’m a mama, and let me tell you, nothing would be keeping me from my kid, curses be damned. I would have gone through that portal in a heartbeat, telling Rumple, “we’ll figure it out, see ya!” So - yeah - never should have included this. And Emma’s reaction to this revelation? Completely out of character! Ugh!

Um, so there ya go - “How the show could have been better” by Melanie.

And reading back over this, it’s kind of a mess, but I just had THOUGHTS that needed to come out.

#once crit #fix it ideas I guess?#kind of me rambling about this show that I love but also drives me crazy

14 notes · View notes