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hamphobicbasil · 3 years

Note

Could u elaborate about the dsmp story being bad? Not a rabid/brain dead fan, just genuinely curious and I enjoy reading people's rants lolol

oh you dont know the floodgates you just opened

a few things:

1. despite not liking the creators of the dsmp anymore, I don't actually hate most of them. [the ones that are particularly unsavory fall outside of this of course] so all that I'm saying i truly mean in a critical sense towards the story, its also just all purely my opinion as someone who enjoys fictional and fantasy stories and who like criticizing works to see what it does well and what it doesn't do well

2. for clarification I'm going to use the c![name] to indicate when I'm talking about the characters. Don't get me wrong, I think its annoying too but its the only way I'm gonna be able to write this thing without getting something across the wrong way yknow?

3. I stopped watching the streams after November 16th, [save for one Techno one but I closed out after a particularly bad story beat lol] and so all information coming afterward is all second hand from either me seeing people on twt talk abt it or people dming me. All i really know is up to dream's imprisonment and some stuff past that.

4. This is mostly aimed towards the "main" story, so stuff abt the badlands, eggpire, and whatnot are briefly mentioned.

anyways uh, i'll try to be brief but also include enough information to get why i feel the way i do on some stuff across

A. Performances Alright obviously these people are all streamers, so obviously they might not be the best actors, and hell no one is even asking that of them. However, when you're telling a story that's based on the audio with the visuals kinda coming to a second, it's gotta be pretty strong. I will say, some of the best actors in my opinion are Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. I would include Ranboo but I never watched any of his story bits or story streams so I can't say much. Wilbur and Tommy are excellent in selling their character's emotions and feelings, when I watch the stream I don't feel like I'm watching an rp but an actual thought-out story yknow? And one of my favorite Tubbo examples was in the Hog Hunt video whenever Techno attacked him, he sounded genuinely afraid and I believed everything his character was feeling.

However, unfortunately, not everyone is gonna be that good. And I'm gonna say it; Dream and Techno have to be the worst out of the entire cast. I understand Techno's whole character is this monotoned badass, however, when really emotional moments hit I feel like he never lets that fall, and a lot of intense moments just ring hollow. And I'm sorry but Dream's attempts at being intimidating leave me laughing whenever I watch them. It feels like he watched that one scene from The Marriage with Adam Driver and Scarlett Johannson and said "Oh this is what good acting looks like! Just yelling." His whole "I don't give a FUCK about Spirit!" speech isn't as great as people keep making it out to be. And whenever he tries to act coy when being a villain it feels like a guy reading the script for the first time, a bit like he's trying too hard. I have more problems with his character but his portrayal certainly doesn't help.

Everyone else is fine, and I don't feel strongly either way about a lot of them.

B. The "Lore" Okay first off, I can't be the only one who thinks it's silly that people are calling the dsmp's story "lore" when it's not, it's the fucking story. Lore indicates backstory to either the world or the characters, which a lot of the streams don't really pertain to. This is a really petty section but god it's a weird pet peeve of mine.

Other than the misusage of "lore" vs "story", the actual lore and world-building of the world are so lackluster that new elements can be introduced whenever and it often feels cluttered or not well thought out at all. And here's the thing, I feel like if the writers sat down just for a few minutes to establish world rules and general history, a lot of this could be solved! but so much is made up on the spot that it starts to feel like they're grabbing at straws to keep people invested, trying to reach that next high and intense story beat without actually earning it.

C. The Egg / Eggpire This is a pretty minor note since I was only invested in the Egg storyline for a little bit, but god it's so underused that it's almost embarrassing. Bad has provided this super interesting antagonistic force that's infecting the SMP, can control people, and who one of our main character is immune to, and it's just never used or even talked about again? Now I understand if he wanted to keep it to a side storyline only, however, to introduce this borderline eldritch creature and force within the world and then never have it dealt with is so weird.

D. The Writing Oh boy this is. kinda a big one. Now I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty obvious I have a bias for the Wilbur writing over the current team [that consisting of Dream, Quackity, and Tommy mostly]. I don't this his writing is perfect by any means, the characters constantly bringing up traitors got obnoxious after a while, and writing Hamilton but in Minecraft really isn't the modern Shakespeare or anything. However, I think his exploration of characters and plot progression was a lot more thought out and well planned, like he actually had two brain cells behind the story yknow? The current team I think fails to be as emotional or even impactful, things happened too fast and my god was everything drowned in angst for so long.

Don't get me wrong, you gotta have your characters face hardships to make them reach their goal believable, but some of the shit they put the characters through just felt like too much. From c!Tubbo's constant comparison to c!Schlatt [who btw, fucking ordered his death and kept him from his friends in a nation he felt trapped in] and on a side note, i kinda really fucking dislike the "c!Schlatt dad!!" au's or the au's where c!Tubbo inherits some of Schlatt's features, it would be like c!Tommy getting a c!Dream mask after his exile, it's feels so weird yet people eat that shit up for some reason.

But god, did c!Tommy get the brunt of it all and in retrospect after his final death, it kinda feels really fucking gross. Now obviously, I'm not trusting any of these people to write decent mental health representation, but c!Tommy's PTSD and how it was explored was just degrading. [Specifically the scene in that one Techno stream where he saw the final control room from the first war, and had a flashback / panic attack where he started calling out for c!Dream. I understand this is an actual thing people with PTSD will experience, but it felt so fucking stereotypical it got on my nerves. I actually had to close out of the stream because it made me feel sick, fiction shouldn't leave you feeling that way.] And don't get me started on how they basically reused the formula from the previous arc. [Problem introduced -> Tensions rise as things start to fall apart -> Big confrontation -> Exile -> Return from Exile -> Blowing up L'Manberg, again.]

And speaking of characters-

E. Character Arcs, or the lack of them In my genuine opinion, some of these characters' arcs are so disappointing. Especially c!Tommy's. I'm not one to believe that he was a "selfish" character or anything, however, his goals were simply set on his discs and maybe c!Tubbo, he didn't have much outside that. However, L'Manberg gave him something to care about, he gave up his discs for it and he fought for it tooth and nail, I think it taught him to open up to others and trust more. It was a great character arc for him to have, seeing him still fight even after his first exile alongside c!Wilbur, to return safely to the nation that he and his found family had built.

But then his second exile happened, and I feel like all of that was undone.

c!Tommy's exile genuinely pisses me off for so many reasons. It's not that characters can't have their low points after reaching a major change or feeling like they've "completed" their arcs or anything, but it's more of the fact that it seems like he's never going to heal that feels like a spit in the face, especially to people who might have had setbacks like that before. Progress isn't linear, sometimes things happen and you get knocked back down, it can take a while to get back up, but I don't think c!Tommy's character is ever going to be allowed to get back up. From c!Dream, who pretty much was a constant abuser in his life, killing him then reviving him, and his still fractured relationship with c!Tubbo, which by the way I have a had time believing they would still be friends after all that happened, it feels like he can never get a win and it's generally kinda a shit way to treat your characters who have been abused. Of course, not all abused characters are going to get happy endings, I'm not trying to dictate that they all should, but c!Tommy deserves one and the fact that it's so obscure feels shitty.

Side note: we still don't have a canon reason to give a shit abt the discs. Like I'm sorry but without some sorta connection to the MacGuffin why should we give a shit about him getting them other than "he wants them lol". Like hell, I would even accept the classic "they were the last gifts from his parents" or something, but we still don't have a reason.

c!Tubbo also lacks a fulfilling arc as well, from someone who started out as a yes man, he has progressed a bit into having his own interests first, but besides that sometimes his character makes me so. depressed. He's easily one of the most pushed around and hated characters within the story, all for being a kid who didn't know what to do and he's in the same vein as c!Tommy; these kids can't get a break. Also, his anti-violence beliefs morphing into the "lets kill c!Techno lol!" bit was so out of place and without proper build-up it was like. what. And now he's building nukes?? god c!Tubbo makes me so sad because he's kicked around constantly and never given a chance to grow.

Another small note, I also don't really enjoy c!Techno at all. Besides the previously stated reasons of lack of emotions when they're really needed, I find his character to be weirdly pretentious. He talks as if he's constantly been betrayed and hurt but I personally, don't see it? Like, I think one of the main examples was the Pogtopia vs. Manberg war, yknow he wanted to end the government but they just reinstated it after they won = c!Techno upset. But this doesn't make sense to me because why did he think otherwise? The entire time c!Tommy had talked about taking back their nation and starting again, so the fact that c!Techno suddenly thought there would be a sudden change is, to put it bluntly, kinda fucking stupid. I don't want to say that he "plays the victim" or anything because that feels a bit harsh, but his character feels so far up his own ass that I can't enjoy him.

I have a major grip with c!Dream as well, but that's getting it's own fucking section.

F. L'Manberg This is a quick note before we get into the, forgive me for this, endgame, of this entire rant, since the next two sections are tied together. But god, L'Manberg makes me upset because it feels like they gave up on it.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is supposed to be c!Wilbur's "unfinished symphony", the thing that destroyed a once charismatic and widely loved man, his attempt at power that utterly ruined him. But the fact that it just got blown up in the end after everything and left to rot felt like such a waste of time. From the first war, to Pogtopia, to even c!Tommy's exile, it all felt fucking worthless in the end, and the story is actively closer to how it was when it started now more than ever. I wished it was actually allowed to exist and continue to be a peaceful place in what is a chaotic world, but no it was just snuffed out because why dedicate to this concept of finding others you can band together with and feel safe. fuck that noise apparently?

G. The Villains Now villain-wise, I'm only talking about c!Dream [during the first war], c!Schlatt, and c!Wilbur. And believe it or not, this is actually mostly positive.

Now I'm not gonna lie, c!Dream as a staring antagonist wasn't bad actually, he posed a genuine and threatening opposition to L'Manberg, even if we didn't know his real intentions or motivations as to why he was against it. He's lucky in this sense because he didn't have to be good, he had to be passable. If anything, he felt more like an anti-hero than a tyrant or traditional villain, and my god do I wish he kept this theme going forward.

Now quick disclaimer, I don't like JSchlatt as much as the next guy, he's an adult man who should know better than to joke about some sensitive topics and act the way that he does. But the one thing I'll ever give him is that damn, was he a good actor for his character.

Now here's the thing, c!Schlatt wasn't particularly deep at all. He had no real motivations behind his exile of c!Wilbur and c!Tommy other than getting competition out of the way, had no reason to act the way that he did and yknow? that's fine. The reason why he worked was from his performance alone, he was actually intimidating. When he came onto the stream and was doing his typical bad guy stuff, it was actually intense to see what he would do. Whenever he would almost catch c!Tommy back in Manberg, whenever he would begin to pressure c!Tubbo, it put you on the edge of your seat and it felt like everything would change at the drop of a pen. He's a villain to be a villain, and this works out because he's just charismatic and well put together enough to make it interesting, even without the backstory or motives.

c!Wilbur however, is much more tragic, and the best villain of the story. He essentially was the "mentor turned evil" trope and it felt terrible watching him descend into madness, unable to trust barely anyone except for c!Techno and c!Tommy. Hell, in the end I think he still cared about them both, despite losing everything. Sure, he blew up L'Manberg, but there was still a smidge of the old c!Wilbur in there made everything he did feel melancholic. His death at the hands of his father after achieving his final wish was chilling, and something I still think about.

Until yknow, Ghostbur came back way too soon to let people feel his loss as a character within that world. And then he got revived, pretty much-undoing everything that moment meant for his character lol.

And then there's the worst one:

H. Dream. I'm going to be completely honest, c!Dream is one of the main reasons why I dislike the current dsmp stuff so much. Outside of his actions as a person, the way Dream decided to write his character as this overpowered madman of the dsmp really just. destroyed any intrigue that he could've had. Perhaps this is from my growing dislike towards him, manifesting into a bias towards his character, but god I cannot fathom why people try to insist he's interesting when he has as much depth as a fucking puddle.

And here's the thing, I'm not even entirely against c!Dream being a villain, hell I think he would've been great as an anti-hero if anything. Make him sympathetic but not through c!George to get your precious "DNF" points or anything, but show him actually caring about the people within the dsmp, including c!Tommy and c!Tubbo. This would make his rival status with them just a bit more complicated, sure they're enemies, however, he doesn't want to hurt or kill them, and there's still a level of friendship there that keeps them bonded when things get super bad. This could've been super interesting to see, the first villain of the story receiving a sorta redemption arc then descending into madness as he started to fixate on being a god. This is all how I feel personally, but god do I feel like it would've been better than his current character, and hell would've worked with how he was during the Pogtopia arc, before the war that is. I'm not trying to tell Dream how to write his own character, but there are so many other ways he could've done the madman seeking to become god rather then. whatever the hell we got.

Because instead, we got this power-mad asshole who does things... because he can? And that's one of my major issues: he tries to surround his character in mystery to make him "intriguing" but it's kinda like c!Techno, it comes off as pretentious. Not only that, but you cannot keep waving around this mystery of a backstory without ever actually revealing it. I know the story isn't over, but c!Dream is effectively at his lowest point, now would be the time to reveal his backstory. But no just keep it in the dark and keep everyone guessing, that's totally fun and not at all tiring and annoying. (sarcasm, if anyone needs it)

And back to his performance, he doesn't sell this aloof, cynical and strategic warrior that has perfected the blade or some shit, he comes off as some angry guy yelling on reddit. which i don't need to tell you, isn't intimidating. It feels like he's trying to have c!Schlatt's intimidation combined with c!Wilbur's depth, but instead he's like a little brother who's trying to hard to mimic his older brother and is kinda embarrassing himself.

but other then that i dont feel too strongly abt the dsmp lol

but seriously, these are the main complaints I have abt the story tbh, I could probably talk about more but I wont because man. this is probably gonna get me in trouble if any of the hyper-dsmp fans actually read it.

#wow this is long #txt #anti dsmp #anti dream #dsmp crit #dsmp critical #yeah im tagging it i dont give a shit #dream crit #dream critical #the story is shit yo!

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asthmark · 4 years

Text

❝ only us ❞, n.jm

summary → it was obvious to anyone that you guys had practiced this various times. or maybe it was just natural chemistry? jaemin isn’t sure what’s worse.

request → “could you write about bestfriend jaemin getting jealous when he sees you kiss jeno for a play at school that you're in” (anon)

word count → 3k

a/n → this request made me so incredibly happy because all the knowledge i acquired my musical phase finally came in handy!! also i haven’t listened to dear evan hansen since i downloaded the illegal bootleg on my laptop like last year so i don’t remember much abt it :( i just kind of described it really vaguely lol anyway hope u enjoy ;)

jaemin dropped his backpack carelessly onto the floor of the crowded cafeteria. he set his plate down on the lunch table, not even glancing at you as he eagerly dug into his food.

“sorry i’m late,” he says to you, eyes concentrated on the orange citrus in his hand. his fingers skillfully begin peeling off the skin. “i had to stay a couple minutes after history class as punishment for eating during the lesson.”

you roll your eyes, an amused smile on your face. “disappointed but not surprised.”

at hearing this comment, he glares at you. “hey, i didn’t have breakfast today and my stomach was growling like, really loud! seriously, it sounded like a whale mating call or something.”

“and who’s fault is that?” you ask, tucking your hands beneath your chin.

he frowns as he pops an orange wedge in his mouth. “mine, i guess. but it’s only because coach told me i should eat less if i wanna play better. something about less body mass making it easier to move around the court.”

“well, i’m pretty sure he didn’t mean skipping out on entire meals, doofus,” you retort. “breakfast is the most important meal of the day, isn’t that what everyone says?”

“true.” suddenly, his eyes light up. “so, you’re gonna start bringing me breakfast in the morings?”

you raise an eyebrow. “i’m sorry, when did we decide on that?”

he flashes you one of his infamous na jaemin smiles. “just now.”

“yeah well, tell your coach you’ll be losing that weight because there’s no way i’m going to wake up at the crack of dawn just to get you a mcmuffin.”

“but it would make my mornings so much better,” he whines. “having basketball practice so early sucks but with my cute little cheerleader there it would be totally worth it... the mcdonald’s is a bonus.”

you can’t help but laugh. “sorry nana, but i prefer sleeping in over watching a bunch of sweaty guys toss a ball around at 6 a.m.”

“fine... buy me a coffee after school and i’ll let you slide.”

“maybe tomorrow, i’ve got theatre today.”

“well, after that then,” he suggests.

you shake your head. “but then you’d have to wait and we’re doing a full rehearsal today.”

he shrugs. “i can wait, i don’t have practice.”

“yeah but i know how you are, na jaemin. you have the attention span of a goldfish.”

“not when it comes to you. you always have my attention.”

you’re about to laugh at what you assumed had been a purposefully cliché one-liner on his behalf but there’s no sign that he was joking. his devilish smirk and teasing eyes that usually appeared when he flirted with the girls on campus were nowhere to be found. instead you’re met with a straight face and his glimmering eyes that seem almost expectant, concentrated on you only. it takes you by surprise. was he being serious or something? the thought alone has your heart beat steadily increasing.

“okay fine, fine. anything for you to stop staring at me like that.”

he tilts his head to the side, resembling a lost puppy. “staring at you like what?”

“like—“ you pause, debating on whether or not you should say it. “like you’re in love with me or something.”

he only chuckles. “you have no idea.”

you almost choke on your sandwich. before you have a chance to ask him what in the world he meant by that, one of his teammates from the basketball team appears behind him, stealing his attention away.

“hey jaem,” donghyuck greets as he ruffles the younger boy’s hair. “coach just called a team meeting.”

“right now?” jaemin asks, displeased.

the brunette nods, folding his arms over his chest.

jaemin suppresses a groan as he stands and grabs his belongings. “sorry y/n. i’ll see you later for your rehearsals, okay?”

you nod. “see you later, nana.”

“bye jaemin’s girlfriend!” donghyuck exclaims receiving a punch in the arm from your ‘boyfriend’ although he doesn’t deny.

“i’m excited,” comments jaemin later that day. he has a bright grin on his face as you make your way through the hallway to the multipurpose room where you usually went for theatre club .

“oh really? i didn’t know you liked musicals.”

“well not really. but i like you.”

for the second time in one day, jaemin catches you off guard. you kick yourself for letting his shamelessness get to you. after all, wasn’t he like that with every girl? he had always been a charmer, you knew that before you had even met him.

na jaemin—point guard and certified flirt.

the only reason you had grown closer was due to him being in critical need of academic help and your teacher seeing you as a fit tutor. at first everyone found it amusing; the classic popular guy and quiet girl cliche. nobody had expected that you two would become practically glued by the hip. especially not you. maybe that was why you were so opposed to jaemin flirting with you. you were best friends but you knew how he was: not interested but never one to turn down any kind of attention. there was just no way that among so many girls you would be an exception.

“well, i hope you can like me for two hours because that’s probably how long this is gonna take,” you say, trying to move the conversation forward.

“i already told you, i have nowhere to be!” he exclaims. “besides, when would i ever turn down an opportunity to stare at you for a couple hours?”

you can’t help but roll you eyes, playfully. “please refrain from using any of your cheesy pick up lines on me while we’re there.”

“why?” he whines. “are you embarrassed of me?” when you turn to look at him he’s making those ridiculous puppy eyes that he knows you find hilarious.

you snort at seeing the familiar face. “when you do that, definitely.”

“alright fine. i’ll try to be on my best behavior in front of your little theatre friends.”

“thank you.” despite not believing a word he says, you still push open the door leading to the multipurpose room.

before you even get one foot in the door, your cast mate is already in your face.

“y/n, finally!” he says, looking beyond relieved at your presence. “i thought you’d never come! c’mon, you gotta change into your costume so we can start.”

“it’s not even opening night, jeno, calm down!” you say, laughing. “and i’m only a couple minutes late, it’s fine.”

he frowns. “you know how anxious i get. everything needs to be perfect.”

“yeah i know, sorry renjun.”

jeno makes a face, showcasing his disgust with your comment that compared him to your strict director. “shut up, you’re gonna summon him.”

“summon who?”

speak of the devil.

you shake your head at renjun who has appeared besides jeno. “not important.”

he smiles sarcastically, brushing his blonde bangs out of his face. “oh good. so can we move on to the actually important things now? like how you’re 6 minutes late?”

you sigh. “i had to wait outside jaemin’s class that’s on the other side of campus, sorry.”

but renjun doesn’t seem to care about your apology. instead, his attention has shifted to jaemin who stands behind you, hands stuffed into his pockets and eyes curiously observing the interactions between you and your friends.

“hello there.” your director moves past you, extending his hand towards your best friend which he takes awkwardly. “pleasure to meet you. you’re on the basketball team, right? i heard you scored the winning touchdown at the last game. congrats!”

“um, it’s just called a point in basketball but... thank you.”

renjun ignores jaemin’s correction. “is it your first time visiting the theater club?”

the brunette nods.

“oh, that’s wonderful! do you plan on coming to see our play on the 15th of this month?”

jaemin scratches the back of his head. “um... to be honest, i didn’t even know you guys had one coming up.”

renjun laughs, harder than usual. “that’s quite alright. it’s called ‘dear evan hansen’. it’s about the trials of high school life for a depressed teen who’s caught in a huge lie.” his hands fly around wildly, using them for emphasis as he dramatically explains the plot to jaemin. “you should come support us!”

“well, i would love t—“

“great! entry is $10.00, cash only. and definitely invite the rest of the basketball team!” with that, renjun rushes off, shouting something about how that was ‘exactly how to sell tickets for the play’ to the rest of the staff.

jaemin gives you a confused stare. “what just happened?”

you chuckle and give him a pat on the back. “you just experienced firsthand what we call here at the theater club the huang renjun effect. never fails to suck somebody into buying tickets for our shows.”

“well, now i kinda wanna buy one.” he turns to you, his eyes widening so big it’s comical. “wow, he’s good.”

“he’s more of a salesman than a director, that’s what you always say, right?” you turn to jeno who nods at the statement. “oh, this is jeno, by the way. he’s one of the few people around here who is not crazy.”

jeno waves at jaemin who smiles weakly at him, too busy observing his physique to say anything. his costume consisted of a blue polo shirt that made his biceps and veiny arms much more prominent. the shirt was pretty tight as well, making his toned chest and torso visible to just about anyone. the khakis he wore were fitted and his thick thighs were impossible to ignore. jaemin can’t help but wonder what a guy with his body was doing in a theatre club when he could be such a useful player on the court.

he looks up at his face, his cheeks curved into a smile that reached his squinted eyes. he would admit, he was a good looking dude. he then glances at you and realizes—you spent almost everyday with jeno. he feels guilty for it but he can’t stop himself from feeling slightly threatened by your cast mate.

jeno clears his throat, trying to ignore the awkward silence that has settled upon the three of you. “um, it was nice meeting you.” he shifts his attention to you. “i’m gonna finish getting ready.”

once he has left, you let out a giggle that you had been holding in during the entire exchange. “what’s the matter? you got all choked up just now. look, i know jeno’s hot but you gotta keep your cool just like the rest of us, okay?”

he frowns as he folds his arms over his chest, your last comment only fueling his feelings. “quit teasing me.”

“aw c’mon, you know i gotta give you a hard time,” you say, knocking his shoulder with yours. “it’s my duty as your best friend.”

before he can even respond, renjun’s voice is heard, being amplified by the megaphone in his hand. “rehearsals will start in 15 minutes instead of 5 because y/n wants to chit-chat with her friend instead of going to hair and makeup!”

you scowl at having been called out. “alright, i’ve gotta go get ready. please enjoy the show, though, okay?”

jaemin nods, smiling at seeing the genuine glint in your eyes. “of course.”

you were reaching the half point of the musical and jaemin had already cried twice.

with the looks he was receiving from the stage crew and even some of the cast members up on stage, he could tell they hadn’t expected him to be as emotional as he was but he couldn’t help it. the play was incredibly sad and he found himself not even knowing who to pity.

there was jeno’s character, evan hansen, who was stuck in a hole he had dug himself into but there was still a bit of him that was innocent and so helpless.

then there was connor murphy played by a kid named park jisung, who had only been around for a couple of scenes since his character was so tormented he had taken his life at the beginning of the play.

there were many other supporting roles, such as family members or friends and they all seemed to have their own issues but the character that truly got to him was yours.

you were playing zoe murphy, connor’s sister who was grappling with the death of her brother the entire musical, not sure whether to mourn him or remember him for the abusive person he was. in fact, your performance had tugged at jaemin’s heart strings so intensely that your solo song was the reason he had cried the first time around.

your acting skills had impressed him and your vocals left him stunned. all the times you and him had carpooled and sung the songs on the radio at the top of your lungs, he had never noticed your heavenly pipes. now that he had, he could feel himself becoming even more into you, if that was possible.

he sat on the edge of his seat, eyes focused intently on you and jeno as the 10th song began. as soon as the sound of the soft piano begins, jaemin prepares himself to shed tears once more but to his surprise, it seemed to be taking a more romantic turn.

he could only watch as you and jeno sang about being together and not letting go of each other... basically saying everything he wanted to tell you. he knew it was all a part of the act but seeing a guy as perfect as jeno pour his feelings out to you as you watched him with heart eyes and sang about how mutual it was proved to be incredibly tough. it made him feel like all his shameless flirts and stares that were too long to be just friendly were useless. why couldn’t making you his be as easy as jeno was making it seem?

before he can beat himself up for it anymore you and jeno lock lips. it isn’t just a quick peck, either. your hand tangles itself into his gelled back hair and his hand ends up on your waist as your lips move against each other, rhythmically. it was obvious to anyone that you guys had practiced this various times. or maybe it was just natural chemistry? jaemin isn’t sure what’s worse. all he knows is that he can’t take another second of watching you two engage in your passionate kiss when all he wishes is that he were in jeno’s shoes.

so, without a second thought he gets up and rushes out the door. he doesn’t look back at you because he doesn’t want to see the confusion and disappointment that will surely be on your face. he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of his childish actions. he doesn’t stop running until he reaches the gym and takes a seat in the bleachers. he doubles over, head in his hands as he pants heavily in an attempt to catch his breath.

shortly after, much to his surprise, the door swings open and there you stand.

“what are you doing here?” he asks, sitting up straight.

“me? what about you, jaemin?” you approach him, slowly. “you just ran out of the room, for god’s sake. everyone’s worried, i’m worried.”

he feels another wave of guilt wash over him for interrupting your rehearsal and going against the one thing he said he was going to do: behave. “please go back. i’m fine, y/n. just needed a breather.”

“oh no,” you say walking up the stairs to the top row of bleachers where your best friend sits. “don’t ‘i’m fine, y/n’ me. you are most definitely not fine.” once you reach him you take a seat to his left, making sure to leave a generous space between you and him. “what happened back there? i swear, if renjun said anything to you i’ll personally make sure he never looks in your direction again.”

“no, it’s not that.” he pauses. “you and jeno were just—“ he trails off, his throat going dry.

you carefully place a hand on his arm, letting him know you would wait for anything he had to say.

“you were just really convincing.”

“well, isnt that a good thing?”

“it was... too much for me to see,” he confesses.

“so, what you’re saying is it’s too unrealistic? do we need to tone it down a bit?”

he nearly groans in frustration. “it’s not that! i wanted to be him, y/n! i want to feel your lips and hear about how much you want me!”

you retract your hand from his arm. “are you serious right now?”

he shoots you a harsh look and you notice how his eyes are glossed over, confirming just how serious he was. he gets up to leave, accepting his rejection before you grab his arm again and yank him down. he lands back on the bench and stares at you, visibly puzzled.

“if you would have waited a second longer you would know how badly i want those things too, you goldfish.”

the tears in his eyes fall but he still shoots you a toothy grin, showing he was anything but unhappy. you bring your hand up to his face, your thumb softly rubbing away the wet stains on his cheek. he unconsciously leans into your touch, never once breaking eye contact. once he’s had enough of delicate touches, he pulls you into his chest and you breathe in his scent—peppermint and coffee.

“i’m sorry.”

“for what?”

“for basically trading spit with jeno right in front of you.”

“it’s alright, baby... let me be the only person you practice that kiss scene with and i’ll let you slide.”

“deal.”

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superangsty · 3 years

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👉🏼👈🏼 ive been fixating on spirk lately and would like to talk abt it, if you were being sincere in your tags

fsdgfh honestly when I want to talk about something it’s mostly just me SCREAMING bc that SCENE man that SCENE. Like, the rest of STID is garbage especially when they brought Kirk back with Khan’s blood like what was that??? Why did they do that?? Also I feel like the first two films of AOS are really missing the whole crew being like a family and made it instead about a bunch of beautiful straight people having awkwardly written personal issues.

FIRST THINGS FIRST: required reading is of course Henry Jenkin's thing about The Glass. I tend to assume everyone has read it but if you haven't. Get on that. Here it is:

When I try to explain slash to non-fans, I often reference that moment in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan where Spock is dying and Kirk stands there, a wall of glass separating the two longtime buddies. Both of them are reaching out towards each other, their hands pressed hard against the glass, trying to establish physical contact. They both have so much they want to say and so little time to say it. Spock calls Kirk his friend, the fullest expression of their feelings anywhere in the series. Almost everyone who watches the scene feels the passion the two men share, the hunger for something more than what they are allowed. And, I tell my nonfan listeners, slash is what happens when you take away the glass.

Anyway all I'm saying is that no matter what JJ Abrams thinks he CAN'T recreate WoK because he doesn't UNDERSTAND WoK at the necessary level.

But with regards to STID so like okay at a very basic level you've got two things which are 1) Spock having Big Feelings and 2) the knowledge that Vulcans kiss with their hands and these two things on their own were enough to make 14 year old me watching it in the cinema for the first time feel ABSOLUTELY INSANE like for real I've been chasing that high ever since. And when Spock starts screaming? That's the Good Shit.

Also sidenote there's this theme park nearby (ish) called Thorpe Park and I went there on school trips a couple of times and there's a ride there called Rumba Rapids and the music they play in the queue is really not relevant but its fun and when I was 16 I suggested to my friends how much funnier films would be if it was playing during sad scenes so one time we watched STID and when we got to this scene we turned the volume down low and the rumba rapids music up high. Not relevant to this post, but I just Unlocked that memory while I was thinking about this and I wanted to share.

Just gonna preface this by saying that Spock's death in WoK is obviously a lot more compelling than Kirk's in STID because in AOS JJ Abrams has this obsession with making Kirk the big hero who's so amazing and brilliant and is carrying the entire world on his shoulders so of Course he would give up his life to save the ship (and when you think of the parallels w his father doing the same it becomes even more about him trying to live up to his father's reputation and idk! I feel like it cheapens the sentiment!). Meanwhile the original films they'd moved past TOS's kirk-centric vibe and it was about the crew working together bc they're a family and it's about Spock! Who'd run away to try and escape all these feelings that had come from the enterprise! And it's like yes he can explain his decision with the 'needs of the many' logic but at the end of the day he is doing this to save the people he loves and EVERYONE knows it.

One thing I will say in STID's favour is that the lead-up to this scene with the repetition of the "Better get down here. Better hurry." line from WoK is excellent mostly because Quinto is a much better actor than Shatner and you can see how INSTANTLY he understands it's to do w Kirk as opposed to Shatner looking over at Spock's empty chair and being like huh. Wots all this then. Also I like the way Quinto Spock runs I think it's funny :)

The next part when Scotty's like blah blah decontamination whatever after Spock asks him to open the door like sure okay I can get behind Spock being so overwhelmed that his common sense flies out the window but what I DON’T like is that it's only them down there. Where is the Drama of the entire engineering department watching Kirk have a meltdown over his best friend dying? Where's Kirk needing to be held back by three people because he's so desperate to get to Spock? Where's Scotty saying 'he's dead already' and the life just DRAINING out of Kirk? In STID it's just like "open the door." "can't do that." "yeah okay whatever."

NEXT BIT: Their dying conversation. In WoK Kirk and Spock have known each other most of their lives. They don't need to say much bc they just Understand each otherand you see that! When Kirk is finishing Spock's sentence and when Spock says "I have been and always shall be your friend" which seems a lot more meaningful than STID Kirk and Spock going "I want you to know why I went back for you" "Because you are my friend" and yeah it still HURTS but it's like. They don't have the history they don't have that enduring kinda love they just have a couple of years of being vaguely passive aggressive towards each other and it's still nice for Spock to realise like oh this is friends! This is a friendship! But Kirk's death just doesn't seem as tragic!!!

That being said. There ARE some raw lines there like "I'm scared Spock. Help me not to be. How do you choose not to feel?" "I do not know. Right now I am failing." Like that's IT that's the GOOD SHIT it's been nearly 8 years and I still think about it all the time. And again I can't say much for Chris Pine but Zachary Quinto's acting is MILES ahead of Shatner's and the crying! Spock crying! It's So Much!!!!!!!! And I like the music. I like the long shot of their hands meeting between the glass. It's very cinematic which while missing the campiness of WoK has it's own charm.

I like in WoK when Spock dies and Kirk slumps like he's lost every last bit of energy he had, like he's dying too, however I ALSO very much like in STID when Spock just fucking. Screams. And then goes and runs on a train and beats up Benedict Cumberbatch. I feel like it's fitting that Kirk dying kinda untethers him and lets him just absolutely lose his shit. I love seeing men beat each other up.

This has gone on much too long. Sorry I guess it just turns out I have Thoughts and this is probably barely skimming the surface but it's 9am on a Thursday and I have class in an hour but I've been sitting here rewatching the scenes and typing out this rant. As I said I really don't think I have anything original to say but like. Here ya go babe

#spirk #god anon im sorry adsfdgh i didn't know this was gonna turn into a whole long rant but like? enjoy I guess?#Anonymous #trek #asks

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majicmarker · 3 years

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so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

#i just love them whoops my hand slipped #the majnificent adventures #gus tag #@ melissa wtf is our tag we had like five #how do i not remember five things #anyway i got into my feelings tnt don’t @ me

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dottie-wan-kenobi · 4 years

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song lyrics I use to characterize Dick Grayson

This is definitely not everything (& I would love to do more) but it’s also Extremely Freaking Long so. Many thanks to @zitkaplushie for chatting w me abt this! I would love to hear your thoughts/additions/etc. If u disagree w any of these, feel free to debate w me but please be civil!!

— OVERALL:

Drag Me Down by One Direction: okay there are tons of parts that fit but this line is the best: “I've got fire for a heart / I'm not scared of the dark / You've never seen it look so easy”

I think this one is kind of straightforward lol but. The first line kind of tells me that Dick is passionate, and feels more with his heart than his head. The second line is just kind of a tongue in cheek thing like obviously he’s not. And the third one is both Dick’s confidence and also that it’s just TRUE. He makes things look easy, all kinds of things. It’s just a fact.

High Hopes by Panic! at The Disco: ugh this has such good lines but this one: “Mama said / Burn your biographies / Rewrite your history / Light up your wildest dreams / Museum victories, every day / We wanted everything, wanted everything”

So I think “Mama” thru to “dreams” ties back to him becoming Nightwing, or going through different identities and kind of letting himself go with it to an extent. Like he doesn’t let it hold him back. The rest of it, like...that’s just Dick’s superheroing career. “We” in this case could be him and Bruce, him and the Titans, him and Damian, etc etc

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson: um. the whole song. the whole thing. buuuut one line I’ll analyze will be: “I don't wanna be left behind / Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies / I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react”

“I don't wanna be left behind” - he knows this feeling well already and doesn’t want to relive it

“Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies” - he has like no civilian friends in canon, and even then he’s always lying to somebody about something. There aren’t many people he can be truly close to and open with, other than like Donna and Roy and Kory

“I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react” - idk, when I see this it makes me think that he’s just lived this life that isn’t exactly normal and he recognizes that

Birds by Imagine Dragons: this one makes me so sad but: “I know that / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, I hope to see you again / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, so fly high, so fly high”

So obviously Dick has lost a lot of people important to him over the years, either because they died or DC said XYZ and Dick’s relationship no longer has any rights, but. This is how he would feel about that. Grudging acceptance, hope to see them again, wishing them well.

Dance Monkey by Tones And I: I had to. “I said, oh my god, I see you walking by / Take my hands, my dear, and look me in my eyes / Just like a monkey I've been dancing my whole life / But you just beg to see me dance just one more time”

I’ll mention this later on, but I think that Dick projects an image a lot of the time that isn’t what he’s really feeling. This ties into that - I think at certain points in his life, he just gets exhausted and wants to take a break, but he can’t. He feels like everyone is counting on him, either to do this or that, or keep up this appearance. Sometimes they really are, and sometimes it’s pressure he’s putting onto himself!

Icarus by Bastille: tbh this is a song that I think applies to most if not all of the batfam, but for Dick, this is part of it that I like: “You put up your defenses when you leave / You leave because you're certain / Of who you want to be”

I prefer the version of canon where Dick willingly decides to stop being Robin, but even in the way that he gets kicked out, this tells me that he’s steeling himself for whatever may come, and that he’s sure of his actions.

Stars by Grace Potter: now THIS one is freaking sad. “All those times we looked up at the sky / Looking out so far, it felt like we could fly / And now I'm all alone in the dark of night / And the moon is shining, but I can't see the light.”

Again, he’s lost a lot of ppl!! I usually think of this song as him referring to his parents or Bruce after he “dies”, but it could apply to anyone really. And these lines in specific just make me think that he feels lonely without whoever it is, that he’s not in a good place.

Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd: "Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself / Follow your heart and nothing else / And you can do this, oh baby, if you try / All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied"

Okay so maybe I hc that the Graysons were very much so free spirits who rubbed off a lot on Dick. But with that aside, to me this is Dick being determined to live a happy life, and knowing it’s going to be a struggle at times. “You’ll find yourself” and “if you try” are things that I think Dick keeps close to mind. Like, maybe he doesn’t know everything right now, but he will. He’ll figure it out. And he can get through anything if he just pushes through it.

Weight In Gold by Gallant: “I’m pulling my weight in gold / Call me anxious, call me broke / But I can’t lift this on my own”

I’ve already mentioned this but Dick has a lot of pressure on his shoulders, like all the time. And he’s also someone who reaches out to others, which is what these lyrics are saying. He’s aware when he can’t handle the pressure anymore and can admit it to himself. (I don’t think this fits him ALL the time, I mean it just doesn’t, but. Sometimes.)

Tears Of A Clown by Smokey Robinson: I really fuck with the idea that Dick is, still, an entertainer. that + the pressure he’s under = “Now if I appear to be carefree / It's only to camouflage my sadness / In order to shield my pride I've tried / To cover this hurt with a show of gladness”

The word “camouflage” stands out to me because I think sometimes the way he hides parts of who he is is to protect himself??? Dick can also be a prideful person, who might not want others to know that he’s been hurt by something they’ve done.

The Show Must Go On by Queen: relatedly,,, this whole song fits him perfectly. but to do something not related to smiling: “Show must go on. / I'll face it with a grin. / I'm never giving in— / Oh—with the show. / I'll top the bill, / I'll overkill. / I have to find the will to carry on with the show.”

This ties back to him hiding his real feelings, of course, but also it speaks to how he doesn’t do things by half. This makes me think about being Batman, about how he won’t give in to the pressure, will push through and keep going and uphold his dad’s legacy as best as he can

Pumpin Blood by NONONO: “It's so magical feeling, that no one's got a hold / You're a catalyst to your own happiness you know”

This goes back to my thoughts that Dick has this mindset that if he keeps going, keeps putting in as much effort as he needs to, then he can get what he needs. It’s also kind of those moments where Dick realizes that where he is is good, like being Robin, but it’s not great, and it could be great. When he decides to stop being Robin, it’s like he’s thinking, “I could be happier, and if I want that, I need to do it myself.”

Rocketeer by Far East Movement: this song fits in a lot of spots but. “Here we go, come with me / There's a world out there that we should see / Take my hand, close your eyes / With you right here, I'm a rocketeer”

Overall imo this is a shippy song but this lyric specifically could be Dick and anyone at all -- he’s the kind of guy who reaches out to others, who would enjoy showing people new things. I also think the last bit kind of speaks to how he can feel better and more empowered when he’s not going through things alone

I Want To Break Free by Queen: “But life still goes on / I can't get used to, living without, living without / Living without you by my side / I don't want to live alone, hey / God knows, got to make it on my own / So baby can't you see / I've got to break free”

This goes back to a few things. For one, I feel that when he feels held back or held down, he’s VERY aware of it and doesn’t like it, and wants to have his freedom back. Another one is, considering all the people he’s lost, it’s like...he doesn’t want to live without them but there’s no choice, he has to. And finally, I also think this is to Bruce, like he’s feeling like he could do and be more if he weren’t being restricted by Bruce

Teams & Friends, Ships, Family, & Bruce under the cut!

— TEAMS & FRIENDS:

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy: there’s a reason why I named my fic after this lol. “When Rome's in ruins / We are the lions / Free of the coliseums / In poisoned places / We are anti-venom / We're the beginning of the end”

I think that Dick really does enjoy superheroing, and that he’s proud of himself and those he works with for being courageous, kind, and helpful to the world. In his more positive moments, this is what I feel like he’d think of his teams and their impacts.

Home by Daughtry: I’ve always thought of this one as a batfam song but tbh I think it works better as a Titans one. “Well I'm going home, / Back to the place where I belong, / And where your love has always been enough for me. / I'm not running from. / No, I think you got me all wrong. / I don't regret this life I chose for me. / But these places and these faces are getting old, / So I'm going home.”

The way I interpret this is like...he DOES love Bruce, he does love the batfam, but ultimately when he thinks about home he thinks of his friends. This is kind of him talking to Bruce, at least in the second half. Another reason why I put it here is that there’s another lyric in the song that says, “I'm going to the place where love / And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.” In the batfam, as zitkaplushie said, love isn’t conditional or anything but it IS exhausting. It takes a toll on them. Love with the titans is just easier.

— SHIPS:

Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae: Dick is bi like this song and this line describes his at-times tumultuous relationships: “It's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender / An emotional, sexual bender / Mess me up, yeah, but no one does it better / There's nothing better”

He takes comfort and strength from his relationships and sometimes that’s good, hence the powerful/tender part! But in all his relationships, not just his romantic ones, it’s (sometimes) easy for people to affect him

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Celtic Thunder: this fits all of his ships imo: “When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be / I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you / And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream / I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you”

He’s just a sappy boy who is in love. That said, I don’t think these feelings would overtake him!

— FAMILY:

Losing My Religion by R.E.M.: I read this heartbreaking fic recently that dealt with how Dick hid his feelings from EVERYONE and no one noticed anything was wrong, really, except Cass. so. “Every whisper / Of every waking hour / I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you / Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool / Oh no, I've said too much / I set it up”

Dick is more open than his siblings, but he does still hide things, especially from them. The line “I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you” makes me think of Dick trying to take care of his siblings, whichever way he can

This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by Kishi Bashi: “Home is where I want to be / Pick me up and turn me round / I feel numb - born with a weak heart / I guess I must be having fun / The less we say about it the better / Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing”

“Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing” - this reads happier than it’s sang but I do think it describes the more positive side of the family dynamics!

You’re Not There by Lukas Graham: this one is abt (all of) his parents :( “I only got you in my stories / And you know I tell them right / I remember you and I, when I'm awake at night / So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time”

There are times where the deaths of his parents & Bruce (and Alfred) weigh heavily on him, and that everything he does is kind of continuing on where they left off, or doing something they didn’t have time to do. I think he would tell his kids stories about them and that he would try to be as true to them as he can be. And then of course, “So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time” is kind of his relationship with his parents after they die

— BRUCE:

(I gave him a separate section bc I have a lot of feels abt them okay??)

The Ballad of Dick Grayson by Crafty McVillain: there are actually a lot of songs abt Dick Grayson, but I picked this one bc of this: “Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you / I'll take on the world, I will fight for you / But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you”

This is abt when Jason takes on Robin but I like to look at this like:

“Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you” - this is when Dick first comes to the Manor, and when he’s first becoming Robin. He’s struggling and Bruce shows him a way to cope. (is it healthy? lmao)

“I'll take on the world, I will fight for you” - this is just...any time really lol. Dick is loyal to Bruce (to an extent) and will fight alongside him, will do almost anything for him

“But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you” - then this is how it feels when they’re broken apart for the first time, when they aren’t getting along and it’s just a change from the past few years, and Dick doesn’t know what to do about it

Let You Down by NF: “Feels like we're on the edge right now / I wish that I could say I'm proud / I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down”

“I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down” - this could be pre-emptive, Dick kind of thinking that no matter what he does, he’s most likely going to let Bruce down

Like how Bruce is always that 8 year old who lost his parents, Dick is always who he was the first night he went out as Robin, desperately wanting Bruce’s approval

He wants the approval and hates that he does, it feels like it holds him down

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac: “Listen to the wind blow / Watch the sun rise / Run in the shadows / Damn your love / Damn your lies”

When I read these lyrics, I think about Bruce and Dick when they’ve been arguing, having a quiet moment (the peace after the storm, zitkaplushie said), kind of reflecting, and Dick just thinks, “I want you to love me but I want you to stop lying to me.” Or like, “your love comes with your lies and I don’t know if I can handle that [right now].”

Numb by Linkin Park: “I've become so numb, I can't feel you there / Become so tired, so much more aware / I'm becoming this, all I want to do / Is be more like me and be less like you”

There’s this moment in canon, before he even gives up being Robin, where he’s acting just like Batman, hunting down criminals with a single-minded ferocity that has his friends legit concerned for him. I can’t remember exactly what he felt about it when he kind of snapped out it but these lyrics remind me of that. He doesn’t want to be like Bruce, he doesn’t want to be Batman, and especially as a teenager, that last line is big. Overall it also fits when Dick IS Batman, and he feels like he’s kind of being swallowed by everything that it is

The Archer by Taylor Swift: okay I’m sorry I can’t pick between these two: “I've got a hundred thrown out speeches / I almost said to you” and “And all of my heroes / Die all alone / Help me hold on to you”

There are a lot of things Dick doesn’t say to Bruce over the years, or things that he wants to say but doesn’t for however long until he can’t hold it in anymore or it’s the right time or whatever. Ultimately that line just tells me that their relationship isn’t one with great communicating

“And all of my heroes / Die all alone” - Bruce ‘dying’. “Help me hold on to you” - Batman when Dick is him. Or it could be about Dick’s parents, and then Dick trying to keep Bruce alive as Robin/Nightwing

#dick grayson #dick grayson meta #meta #dc #batfam #robin i #nightwing #my meta #sorry for all the OC tm today #im feeling manic lmao gotta do something #got sooooooo long #I FORGOT THE TITLE FUCK DKHFJKSH

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bluestm · 5 years

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* 𝖌𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖉 𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖘 . y’all ever wondered what an actual angel looks like ? lemme point y’all in the direction of oNE zendaya coleman , blessing to humans everywhere . i’m taking the torch from ares n her beautiful rendition to try and keep this lil goddess on the dash in the form of my darling soft sarcastic fool , 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒔𝒕 . 𝒋𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 !

⋆ ╰ another year at hollingsworth , another year of the big six rivalry . i hear that BLUE ST. JAMES is ensuring CHI MU OMEGA gets a solid pledge class and stays at the top of the ranks . oh , you’re not familiar with HER ? BLUE is the ZENDAYA look alike from SEATTLE , WASHINGTON . a part of PC ‘16 , she is majoring in HISTORY and has plans to AUDITION FOR THE AMERICAN BALLET THEATER AND REBUILD HER CRUMBLING DANCE CAREER after undergrad . it makes sense they pledged their house , their SHARP-WITTED & ASSIDUOUS attributes make them perfect matches . however , their ACQUIESCENT & OBSESSIVE attributes keep their name alive on greek rank . if you don’t catch them dancing to SUPERMODEL - SZA at a fraternity band party this year , you’ll be sure to catch them nursing their morning hangover at THE CHI O HOUSE . cheers to another wild semester !

⋆ ╰ 𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑻 𝑰 𝑺 𝑻 𝑰 𝑪 𝑺 .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 : blue ocean st . james 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 : i applaud u if u can make a nickname out of “ blue “ 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 / 𝒂𝒈𝒆 : september 3rd , twenty - one 𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄 : virgo 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚 / 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔 : cisfemale identifying with she / her / hers pronouns 𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 : openly pansexual , panromantic 𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 : student at hworth majoring in history ( with a focus in the history of art and literature ) and minoring in african - american studies , aspiring pro ballerina 𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 : hufflepuff 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 : amy from booksmart ( !!!! ) , rory gilmore from gilmore girls , stiles stilinski from teen wolf ( !!!!!!!!! ) , grace cardinal & cam saunders from degrassi . 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔 : - melancholic , overly-critical , obsessive , neurotic , teeteringly non-confrontational , astray , acquiescent , craven

+ benevolent , magnanimous , tactful , inventive , perfectionist , steadfast , sharp-witted , rigorous , assiduous , sympathetic

⋆ ╰ 𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬 𝑪 𝑬 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵 𝑻 .

my concept was that her mom , sonya ackerman , was a world-renowned ballerina , like one of the first on the east coast and had a massive studio that took off in seattle as one of the premier ballet academies for dancers of color !her dad , theodore st. james , was a criminal prosecutor training to become an assistant district attorney in georgia , but would commute out to washington bc obv blue’s mom isn’t gonna just abandon what she worked so hard to build . her parents were a rather stable couple , but blue can easily admit what a piece of work her mom was and the fucking number she did on those around her

part of pushing so hard for success meant having a lot to lose , and sonya made that the driving point of not just her life , but her only child’s , a bright-eyed baby girl with a gaze as pensive and thought-provoking as the color she was named after . blue ocean was a miracle , a gentle ( but rather prone to fixating ) soul from the moment her curls came into the light of this world , and was her father’s pride since the moment he held her . suddenly commutes were that much harder , the tension of having a marriage and a daughter only on the weekends and being left a stranger to your own child all because of your wife’s unyielding stubbornness really did a number on theodore which led to the eventual demise of their marriage :/

blue doesn’t remember much leading up to the divorce , but she’s smart enough to recognize her dad didn’t just up and leave out of nowhere . he later tells her he was sure he’d get at least shared custody , but the courts surprisingly ruled in sonya’s favor with no rational logic behind it other than her claim of motherhood . being raised with the world’s weight on her shoulders hugely influenced blue’s personality , ballet being the only thing she remembers as a constant in her life . never one to lash out , blue took the oppressive upbringing as an opportunity to prove herself — maybe this wasn’t her dream , but she was a perfectionist obsessed with control , and she’d take whatever path her mother put her on and do a damn good job at it .

highschool was highschool and she was gone almost as soon as she had arrived , graduating with only enough friends that she could count on her hand , and whisked off to the city in which she had heard in countless of her mother’s nostalgic throw-back stories growing up , attending julliard’s prestigious ballet program as if to honor her late mother’s legacy at her alma mater .

excelling through classes , nailing audition after audition for a coups de ballet role but never a principal , blue builds her reputation among the new york dance scene with grace and humility , inching her way towards her ultimate goal of the american ballet theater as paved by misty copeland , the only hero who even compares to her mother in blue’s eyes . she’s just a few more well-timed performances away from the life she’s always envisioned , until a sudden phone call flips her life on it’s head . she hasn’t addressed her mother’s passing , nor its details , and it’s unlikely a person with such an emotionally reserved disposition such as herself will ever really come around to processing it out loud . the news hits halfway through sophomore year and she makes it until finals week before she spends a week in the hospital , unravelled and unhinged , dehydrated from her sobs and weak from her inability to keep food down due to an unrelenting anxiety she’s never known quite like this . this subtle childhood nature of fixation and perfection manifests as a full blown obsessive compulsive disorder diagnosed during her psych eval , releasing her with a script and a recommendation to go somewhere where she’s got a support system .

hu , only a half hour drive from her father’s firm and the current school of her childhood best friend , receives an application days later , declaring an interest in “ a change of pace from the world of ballet and an interest in their world-renowned history program . ” she gets sucked into the greek world without truly meaning to , wandering aimlessly through her new life as she auditions for different ballet troupes and bombs each attempt . feeling empty , distant , and the impending sense of personal failure , her new sisters in chi mu omega give her a constant push of go-go-go to fill her days with a distraction from her thoughts . senior year rounds its head , and blue wants to spend it pushing herself to return to her former glory , eyeing the next year’s productions at the american ballet theater and her dream to once again reach the point she receives an invitation to audition . she’s not quite sure if this will fill the void in her heart , a void she’s sure she’s known nearly her whole life , but she’s got nothing prepared in her back pocket , so it’s really , at this point , all she has left .

⋆ ╰ 𝑨 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝒀 𝑺 𝑰 𝑺 .

for a lil personality blurb , my renditions of blue have always been really soft and nuturing and i want to keep an element of that ? she’s a gentle soul and part of that absolutely stems from her upbringing bc her mom was .. . . . not a nice lady lmao . but somehow , between her mom at home and then her mom in the ballet studio , it just made blue more compassionate ? she’s admittedly a little intimidating , and her defense mechanism has become a quick wit that manifests most amusingly in her sarcasm . the world can’t hurt u if u make fun of it first , right ! i also wanted to sprinkle in a little bit of doe-eyed buffoon which i think fits in well with her whole quiet type persona , so her humor deviates into goofiness that also occasionally manifests as an awkward as shit interaction if she’s feeling a little off ( as in : the bitch has a 50/50 shot of delivering a SEARING burn or stammering so hard she ends up rlly just roasting herself :/ it’s a mystery to see what u’ll end up w when it comes to blue , sigh )

delving in a little deeper , even if she seems like this sarcastic scattered lowkey dork , who gives the illusion she’s mellow and unbothered , she’s a severe overthinker and any convo longer than about 10 minutes will yield to the fact that blue is constantly stressed the FUCK out about the smallest things . she’s really observant and has an uncanny ability to clock ppl , which would make her QUITE the devilish fiend to exploit ppl’s weaknesses but alas , for a. she does not give a shit abt anything enough to treat people cruelly and b. does not have enough braincells to spare from her stress and misery to be fiendish and manipulative KSDJFKJSDHF this makes her a really great person to tell secrets to bc literally who the FUCK is she gonna tell ? is her argument n lowkey ! she right ! SDFHSKDHF

contrary to what her performance background may lead many to believe , she really is not fond of being at the forefront of attention and feels more comfortable lingering in the background , minding her own business , and staying in her lane so catch her being all but INVISIBLE to the greek rank blog ! her critical struggle in life is her obsessive personality , deeply rooted in the trauma of being riased with the unyielding expectation for absolute perfection . she has a hard time letting go and comes close to having a meltdown if things in her world arent completely under her control ( as exemplified by the mental breakdown faced during the most stressful time in her life . ) she’s incredibly hard on herself and really , truly is lost as to who she is without the fixation of perfection in her life . this is incredibly curious due to her selective nature — in terms of grades , she’s only slightly above average , and is rarely interested in being competitive with other people . it’s almost exclusively a competition with herself regarding the most interesting and unassuming things : especially considering that ballet , her whole life’s work and effort , isn’t even her PASSION . on the low , she kinda hates dance culture , especially the ridigity of ballet ! like bitch wha t the FU C K are u working so hard on it for ? n that’s one of her major fears , deviating from what she knows and pursing her true passions , because at least with ballet , she knows it and she knows she’s naturally exceptional — something she can’t guarantee with her true passions ( yet tbd but have something to do with art history ! ) and would rather not pursue if the option of failure , aka non-perfection , is something she’d have to face .

hcs : she doesn’t drive bc she doesn’t have her license as she has rlly bad test anxiety and ate shit all 4 times she tried to take it ( suffice the implication of her failure rests in the sulking pout she wore for about 2 weeks straight as she refused to try again a 5th time ) , is an on and off vegetarian and HATES herself for it , usually that friend who’s goin “ i’m not sure about this guys .. . .. ” while still allowing herself to get dragged into shenanigans , hates her own drama n avoids it but wants to BATHE in the tea of those goin on around her sdfsdfs , goes to bed at 9:30 on the dot so parties are oft a STRUGGLE , has strong mom friend energy despite barely being able to manage herself , is a nerd n knows it yet uses nerd as an insult , cannot cook for her LIFE , and a lil pinterest board is here ! oh ! and she does NOT fuck w being touched unless u get her express approval !!!

plots : i didnt think i would get this far in one go so hit me up on dis/cord for my list of plots that im abt to pull out of my ass ;))))

#rank:intro #* ╰ . 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇 / 𝑏𝑙𝑢𝑒 . 𝑭𝑰𝑳𝑬𝑫 𝑼𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 ; ooc .#i would have posted this a half hour ago but it fucking DELETED N REFORMATTED N I WAS BIG MAD >:(#but i ;-; finally bring u all my child blue !

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genderfluidmollymauks · 5 years

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the session recap that @umbreeonic did as they eavesdropped on the game i ran today for my all warlock party

we start off after the portals, in avernus, realm of zariel

there’s a cool scary staircase very clawed up

caleb: where would you like to go? // AB: home

AAAASAHAKQKSKQJDOQKDKQJSQJ

THAT'S ME, TORY, REACTING TO CIELLA VOICE

VERY GOOD VERY VALID. I SUPPORT YOU

ciella starts panicking over the warlocks being mortal

ciella: how old are you? // ärla: five // ciella: JESUS CHRIST

catan starts looking to see where the claw marks lead, like a functional pc

oh hell yes weapon heist! rob the lost and found!

ciella: this is the worst planned revolution. in the history of ever

everyone figures out if they have magic weapons. misfortune does! that’s it

WEAPON HEIST WEAPON HEIST

ciella goes down the hallway with No claw marks, everyone follows the archdevil

caleb: catan- // me, has been reading it catan as in settlers of not cay-ten: :0

ciella: we live in a society.

misfortune: why us? // ciella: you’re warlocks! they can’t steal your souls :)

ciella starts to go on a rant abt warlock exploitation that i very much enjoyed

misfortune gets blood on her clothes and is like “it’s fine it happens a lot” and everyone is Distressed

they get in the lost and found room, which is full of many creepy things covered in blood stains

catan walks to a weapon first thing, like a functional pc

he gets a white shortsword with cold powers, misfortune finds a bunch of money and gems and stuff and some bracers, custos finds a book called the adventures of tarrington darington. also one called torture 101, and The Other Enemies that detail all the fiends enemies!

ärla finds a pitch black dagger and gets a CRIT 20 to figure out what it is! it’s a death dagger baby (nice plunker reference calb)

misfortunes mouse sounds like john mulaney. amazing

“this is a very smart mouse.”

squeakers - the mouse - scurries around the room to find stuff for misfortune. he finds something he says is amazing, and it is.

a corn cob

ciella is randomly throwing things around and finds a gray robe and goes “this is useless to me. it’s the wrong color”

misfortune tries to change the color but that doesn’t work

catan touches to feel how comfy it is. “not as good as bear pelt.” he still takes it

misfortune gives the bracers to ärla so she has more than 14 ac, like a kind pc

misfortune, realizing she’s the only one without a magic item, reaches out randomly to take something as they all leave. it is a FUCKING ioun stone FUCK yeah

NOW we go to claw mark hallway

there’s a set of spiiiiiiraling! stairs going up. they’re not trapped, so they all go up

ciella awkwardly asks the party about themselves. misfortune says she has a mouse. custos says he has a bird

using her speak with animals, misfortune talks to puppy. he is. the most perfect character.

i am the night

i have no need of a name. but my warlock calls me puppy. this brings him joy. this is my one purpose, to bring him joy and keep him safe. Are You A Threat

misfortune: did you know if you sharpen a pencil enough you can stab people? they never see it coming

catan doesn’t know the difference between a pen and pencil, like a functional pc

that doesn’t actually fit but comedy rule of threes

ciella explains that zariel is devil trump and won’t be in his office cause he’s gonna be golfing

catan: what is golf? // ciella: a product of hell

misfortune: golf is putting tiny balls in tiny holes for people with tiny penises

as they walk through the office building (cause this is an office building) fiends in their cubicles ignore the party but like, in a scared way

minimum wage is a copper a century

misfortune: well then why do they work here? // ciella: they sold their souls to the ceo.

catan doesn’t understand money because he is uncorrupted by capitalism

going up the next stairs, ciella starts being Sneeky. she’s not good at it

ärla, however, with her SECOND NAT 20, along w The Boys, are fine on their stealth. misfortune is so focused on ciella being quiet that she doesn’t notice her mouse is being loud, but ärla quiets him down

they aren’t noticed by two bone devils working at a control center, which is probably for the best

me, googling bone devils, seeing they have fairy wings: baby

time for party to kill baby :pensive:

for their surprise round, bc they did so good sneekin, custos starts by casting shatter on BOTH of the baby

however, being made of bone, neither of them seem THAT concerned with the ear shattering noise that explodes between them (aka half damage)

but the control panel, being an object, is much more exploded

so catan whips out his tome, flips it open to a certain page, raises up his free hand and summons what looks like a perfect sphere of ice and snow, which he then sends off towards the bone devil that's like, what, 50 feet away

(lou describes the action beautifully so i don’t have to, like a wonderful beautiful kind player)

lou: that’s 6d8 // AB: too bad it’s not 6d9 :3 // caleb: d9 don't exist AB

however, being a fiend, the baby doesn’t seem that upset by the giant snowball sent their way (half damage again)

ärla send out a bolt of glowing gold light at the baby catan DIDN'T attack, and the baby shrieks in pain because gold hurts more than snow

ciella then runs up, casting a quick hex on ärla’s baby, stabs it - so strong in goes into it's bone body like it’s butter - and it screams once more, and again when her sword pulls out

IT'S LEFT WITH 69 HEALTH

NICE

ciella does a radiant (gays) gaze, exploding the baby in radiant light, so it screams again. and now it can’t see, cause of the light

misfortune casts a hex (“you feeling lucky, punk?”) on the un-hexed baby, and the magic wisps around it’s neck like a chain. she rushes up to attack, pointing her sword at baby, and two quick blasts shoot out of it - an eldritch blast! the first one hits, pushing the baby just enough that the second misses.

i love the rich fiction provided here by AB that was beautiful

custos, seeing the badassery that is misfortune, also sends out an eldritch blast onto the blinded baby, so it screams again, as that is a theme

Catan takes out his tome yet again and summons a ray of more ice in his hand, and then chucks it like a fucking baseball at the bone devil that's looking the most awful

YEET

catan has a wonderful aesthetic i love him

ärla casts toll the dead on the scream baby, who is so hurt it fails COMPLETELY with a nat 1

ärla has one hand around her pendant, one pointed out at the bone devil, and she tweets a short melody that turns into loud tolling bells that torment the devil, it’s wings shrivel up into dust, it’s bones turn black, it lets out one final anguished scream, and hisses something at ciella in infernal before falling to the floor in death

ciella turns to other baby with another radiant gaze, and it does not look good as it erupts in golden light, it’s eyes are pure gold in blindness and it is shrieking in infernal, and ciella runs up and ends it's screaming in one fluid motion, decapitating it

ciella kicks the bones a little. “that was easier than i thought itd be”

misfortune repeats the word the devil said, as a question, and ciella replies back in infernal

misfortune’s spoken infernal is not very good but i love her

custos looks over at the control panel, pretty damaged, and sees it controls the portals

ciella explains that devils open up portals to the mortal plane to trap portals to force mortals into being warlocks. she taps a giant button that shuts the whole thing down, and it is now pitch black in the room

she casts light on her sword, saying the portals are closed. no one can go in, no one can go out - unless she says so

misfortune: what happens if someone was in a portal as you shut it down and got cut in half? // ciella: that is not how portals work

and as everyone tells ciella they’ll stay and keep helping, we end off the session! god you guys are badass

#warlock support group #dnd #dnd shenanigans

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untaitold · 6 years

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day 2 - canon lavrise (abt act 3)

me, literally a day after saying i’d probably forget to write something canon: write something canon

enjoy this very self-indulgent lavrise fic. self-indulgent as in i too dream of moving into an apartment one day with a girlfriend

also idk the specific timeframe for this but i think it’s some time after act 3

(crossposted on toyhouse which i almost forgot about)

. .

“And that,” Lavender announces, teetering on the tips of her toes as she passes Cerise the box. “Is that.”

Cerise’s shoulders jerk uncomfortably at the sudden weight in her hands. She pushes herself up, a bit at a time, bending her knees. She sets the box down at the base of the fortress they’ve created from its fellow cubes and straightens up properly to admire their handiwork.

“I give it a month and a half before Gran tries to auction this shit off on eBay,” she comments, smacking her hands together to dispel some of the dust.

Lavender shrugs. “She’s not going to get anything for that. How many copies of The Breakfast Club does one girl need?”

She reaches out a hand and helps Cerise to descend the ladder. The old thing wobbles at the slightest pressure, and so her other keeps it stable.

“Well,” Cerise says. “Three of them are different re-releases with interviews and bonus- you know what, you’re right. It’s not even that good a film anyway.”

Lavender hits her with a knowing smile. “Your Netflix history says you think otherwise.”

“Hush up, Nari.”

Back on safer grounds, Cerise casts one last glance back through the open door to her former room. The bed, shoved now into the corner, has been stripped of its sheets. Vibrant rectangles where her posters and the like had been peel through the faded orange. They’ve dismantled much of the furniture either to take it with them to the new place, or to sell it on. The room looks bare, now, almost unrecognisable. It’s relieving and sobering all at once.

She’s moving out for good. Not just to some crappy university accommodation for a couple of years. No, this time, she and Lavender will finally have somewhere just for them.

Alright, so it’s another apartment, but at least this one will have functional central heating.

“The landlord just texted,” Lavender says, and she tears her gaze away. Lav’s looking at her phone screen, bouncing on the heels of her feet. “It’s ready. We can head over now if you want?”

Cerise nods. “Yeah. You got your stuff?”

“Mmhmm. We’re really doing this, huh.”

“Yep.”

Lavender beams. She takes Cerise’s hand and squeezes it. Cerise returns her smile and tries to swallow her reservations. They’re on a streak of good luck. There’s not a lot that can go wrong here.

Damn it, now she’s said it, she’s probably jinxed it. Good thing Lavender’s her go-to for dispelling hexes and bad karma.

“Right,” she says, with a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

The tram ride is quick enough. It seems to last an age, and Lavender ends up bouncing from foot to foot to try and keep herself centered. Cerise keeps to staring out the window, watching familiar streets and faces go by. About halfway there she sees a plume of bright pink light shoot up to the sky. Two seconds later, her phone starts buzzing furiously.

“God damn it,” she finds herself saying in perfect sync with Lavender.

She goes to look at the message, but Lavender reaches out a hand.

“Whatever it is,” she says. “The others will sort it out.”

“But-”

“One hour, and then we can go check it out. Pleeease just let us get to the apartment.”

Cerise reluctantly slides her phone back into her jacket pocket. “Fine. But if, I don’t know, glittery pink zombies start crawling round the streets, we’re leaving stat.”

“Gotcha.”

They just don’t get a damn break these days. Cerise doesn’t think she’s stopped working between Hero and Aether. Taking a few days off with Lavender feels like a crime, in some ways, considering the state Taitale’s in, but it wasn’t until they were sat in the back of Café Dawn that she realised just how little time she’d been spending with her girlfriend. They need this. She needs this. So it’s just plain unfair that even now she’s worrying about the whole ‘saving the world’ crap when she should be excited about getting her first proper home with her first serious partner.

That’s just life, though. No point in whining about it.

She reaches back up to the handrail as the tram jerks to another stop. And when her phone won’t quit buzzing, she finally has the gall to put it on silent. Just for now.

The lock jams for a moment. It takes a bit of jiggling of the key, and then the door pops open.

“Alright,” Lavender says. “Here we go.”

Her voice wavers a little. She claps her hands.

“Aw, I just…” Her eyes water. She flicks away a tear.

“Hey,” Cerise wraps an arm around her. “Hey. You’re okay. We’re okay.”

“Yeah. Just… seeing it…”

Cerise isn’t really the super emotional type herself, but even she’s choking up at the sight of their apartment. It’s wide and empty save for the kitchenette and the chipped dining table with its mismatching chairs. Some of their boxes are piled up in the corner by the sliding doors. The blinds are pulled to, and the room is a cool dark save for slivers of light peeking through the gaps. The walls are plain white, the floor plain wood, and it’s nothing special, sure, but it’s perfect.

Because it’s not the stuffy, childish peach room she lived in at Francette’s. Because it’s not the mazelike suite of purple rooms pulled out of a Hot Topic catalogue Lavender stayed in. Because it’s not a tiny apartment shared with three other flatmates that constantly smells of pasta sauce. And because it’s not a pile of cushions stacked haphazardly in a goddamn laboratory.

Of course they’ve already seen it, when they were viewing it, but now it’s actually theirs. Their home. Maybe not forever. At the rate this is going the fourth sentinel might chase them all out of Taitale before they’ve even had time to settle in. Right now, she cares little for that.

There is a lot to do before this place will truly feel like she and Lavender are the ones who are living here. She pictures stacks of paper and notebooks all over the dining table; a sofa in the far corner, maybe; and undoubtedly enough throws and cushions to keep an army warm.

“The real question,” Lavender says. “Is how we’re going to get the coffee table up the stairs.”

Oh, yeah. The lift is tiny. It barely fit the two of them in, never mind their rucksacks. Every silver cloud… has its grey lining. Something like that. She’s not the writer in this relationship.

“I told you we should have dismantled it,” Cerise replies.

“We can’t. It’s an antique. It doesn’t dismantle.”

“Then… we need a new coffee table.”

Lavender gasps in mock offence. “Are you shunning the gift my parents bestowed on us?”

“Look, Lav, I love your parents to death and you know I’d never want to incur their wrath- but there is no flipping way that table is making it up these stairs.”

“With a little bit of elbow grease and a can-do attitude…”

“Nope. It’s not happening. It’s too narrow.”

“Oh, man,” Lavender mutters, closing her eyes. “Don’t tell me. Our future is full of flatpack furniture.”

“Yep. Looks like we’ll be heading to IKEA sometime this week.”

“We can’t afford IKEA.”

“...sometime this year, then.”

They fall silent, looking into the rooms that are theirs. It’s as if they’re about to step into a new world. The tips of Cerise’s feet just peek over the edge between the hallway carpet and the apartment’s hardwood flooring. They have faced monsters and magic and alternate timelines, but somehow, it’s this that’s got Cerise hesitating.

“Well,” Lavender says. “I guess we can’t stand here all night.”

“No,” Cerise says. “I guess we can’t.”

She takes her girlfriend’s hand, and they step over the threshold. Nothing mystical or bizarre happens, but it feels like a shift in the way of their world.

#cerise #lavender #rel: lavrise #this one is obviously shippy so #october writing

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