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waywardxrhea · 5 months

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Part Nineteen - The Past Revealed

[slow burn romance between Steve Rogers and SHIELD agent Emma Baker]

Warnings: 18+, contains humor, fluff, mental health issues, family trauma, romance, angst, language, violence, (potentially smut later on).

installment list

Word count: 5.2k

Steve and Emma (finally) talk about her past.

Over the next twenty days during the construction of the new Avengers facility, Emma tries to distract herself by keeping busy. She starts going all-in on her reporting of the construction of the facility, waking up at dawn every day to make the trip to where it's being built. She stays almost all day, interviewing the workers on their breaks, taking pictures of the fast-moving progress, and exploring the grounds surrounding the compound. She barely has any time for her personal life, and she's okay with that, because the less time she has to think about what happened, the better.

One night when Emma gets home completely exhausted after a long day's work, she sees Maria sitting on her couch waiting for her with a movie on. "Wait Maria, how-"

"You forget you gave me the spare key?" she asks while pausing the TV.

"Oh, right, yeah totally, it just slipped my mind," Emma replies as she sits her bag and drone on one of her partially packed boxes. The moving process was taking a lot longer this time because she didn't have the help of Sam or Steve. She feels bad not asking Sam for help, but she knows that if she was with him it would just remind her of Steve.

“I'm worried about you,” Maria says as Emma sits on a chair in the living room.

"Nothing to worry about, I'm fine," Emma tells her with a smile.

"If you're fine then tell me why all your movies except the sad romance ones are packed up? Or how not even half of your apartment is packed up when we move into the new facility in less than two weeks? Also, why haven't you been answering my calls or texts until the ungodly hours of the night?"

"I've just been really busy 'documenting history' as Tony puts it. Did you know that they're on track to finish in twenty days? That's record time! Stark really can do so much when he sets his mind to it."

"You're getting off-topic, Em. All of this going and going nonstop is going to catch up to you sooner or later and that crash isn't going to be fun because when you do crash, all you'll have time to do is think about everything you've been avoiding," Maria tells her in a stern tone. Emma tries to defend herself with another excuse, but Maria interrupts her with, "Don't deny that you've just been avoiding thinking about what happened between you and Steve. You can't just ignore it and pretend it didn't happen because it did. And the problem won't go away by avoiding it either."

Emma sighs and gives in, admitting, "Fine, you got me. I've been working so hard because I don't want to think about what I've ruined. Because that's what I did. I ruined things between him and me. If I had just told him about my past in the first place or maybe if I didn't-"

"Emma, you can't blame yourself for all of it."

"Sure I can," Emma replies and laughs a bit, trying not to cry. "I guess I wanted him to see my messy past, to see my current struggles, and find me worthy of love, but with all these memories of my father resurfacing and then this, I definitely feel unworthy of any sort of love at all."

Maria looks at her friend with sadness in her eyes and says, "Emma, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I really think you need to get some help. This blaming yourself and shaming everything you do is stemming from more than what happened this month. I think you need to see someone and healthily unpack your past. You'll feel better if you do that, and maybe you can figure out how to mend things with Steve after you start facing your other problems head-on. I can't stand to see my best friend hurting so much, okay?"

At those words, the flood gates open and Emma begins to cry, something she hadn't let herself do since that day with Steve. Maria stands up and goes to comfort Emma, standing her up and wrapping her in her arms. After a minute or so, Emma finally speaks up with a small laugh, saying, "Damn, sorry I cry almost every time I see you, wow."

Maria laughs and tells her, "As long as you're feeling things I don't care. When you stop feeling emotions that's when I'll worry that your mind got taken over by witches or aliens or whatever else is out there." Emma can't help but laugh at the statement which stops her crying momentarily. After Maria gets Emma calmed down, the two go on to finish their night with movies and popcorn.

One day about a week before move-in day Emma goes out to a tattoo parlor when she's done with her coverage of the Avengers facility for the day. She had been doing a little bit of thinking for a while now about getting this tattoo, and after everything that's happened, she finally got around to getting it.

She walks into the parlor and approaches the guy she's been going to since she was eighteen for her two previous tattoos. "Emma! How are we doing on this fine evening?" he asks with a smile once he notices her presence.

Emma waves, replying, "Hey Travis, I've...been better, but that's why I'm here. Want to get some ink that has meaning, but I also need to feel something right now. Been a bit numb lately."

"I gotcha, what did you have in mind?" he asks as he leads Emma to a chair in the nearly empty shop.

Emma hesitates before saying, "I know it's cliche, and you probably get this all the time, but I want a semicolon. On the back of my neck. You know, the whole 'this is not the end of my story' thing. I've just been going through it and I need a little reminder some days."

Emma laughs at the end of her statement which earns a smile from Travis who says, "Whatever you want, I won't judge. And I'm here to listen if you want to talk, this is a private shop at this time of night."

"I actually have a person for that now, thank you though, Trav. I appreciate it."

"You got it, little lady," he replies and starts prepping Emma after she puts her hair up.

He's quiet for a little bit before breaking his silence by saying, "Okay, I have to ask, what's it like working with the Avengers? It has to be so sick right? Like all the jets and flying and super people!"

"Wow, you didn't hit me as the superhero type," Emma replies. She thinks about her response for a second before saying, "It's definitely got its ups and downs. Working with Stark tech is fantastic, he made me this drone for mission coverage, but put blasters on it so I can help out if I need to, it's sick."

"So are you kinda like an Avenger now then? Am I tatting an Avenger?" he asks, stopping momentarily in his process.

The question hits Emma and she says, "No, not an Avenger. Not really. I'm just kinda... there most of the time if I'm honest, but I'm starting to be okay with that. See, if I wasn't there, huge hero nerds like you wouldn't get the fix you need when the Avengers go out into battle."

"And we thank you for your service," Travis says as he starts on the tattoo.

A few more minutes of silence pass as Travis tattoos and Emma squeezes a stress ball before Travis asks, "So...it was a little while back, but what's going on with you and Captain Rogers? I always saw photos of you two out and about on the hero blogs I follow."

Emma's heart misses a beat at the question and she hesitates, "I uh-"

Travis senses the tension at the question and says, "Too personal, got it."

Emma thinks of what her therapist says about facing tough questions head-on and tells him, "No, no, it's okay. I mean...it is a touchy subject right now, but back during the time you were talking about, that's when I was assigned to help Cap get acclimated to the modern-day. I was kind of like a...professional best friend."

"Okay, you are now hands down the most interesting person I have ever inked. I can't even imagine getting to hang out with Captain freakin' America!"

"He's still a bit old-fashioned. Holds doors for us ladies, listens to his 40s music, still occasionally needs help with technology, but he's made a lot of progress." Emma's mind flashes back to those days when things were simpler and she smiles as she tells him, "It is pretty sick hanging out with him."

Travis finishes up the tattoo after a little while and tells Emma, "Well if you're ever too busy and he needs someone to show him another side of the modern-day, hit me up."

"I'll keep it in mind," Emma replies as she pays him before heading out the door. Before she goes, she turns to him and says, "Thank you by the way."

"Any time," he replies with a two-finger salute as Emma walks off into the night back to her car.

The cool air hits her skin as she heads to her car and Emma smiles. That was the first time since that day she had thought of Steve and it didn't end in tears. She laughs to herself at the thought as she sits down in the driver's seat of her car. She isn't ready just yet to talk about what happened with him, there was still a lot of unpacking to do first, but there finally seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

A couple of weeks later, everyone gets moved into the new Avengers facility upstate. Well, not everyone. After the Battle of Sokovia, Clint decided to retire to be with his family, Thor went off-world in search of answers to the vision he saw, and Tony was thinking of retiring to live a calmer life away from avenging, for Pepper's sake. And Bruce...well Bruce went missing in a quinjet with the stealth mode on and no one had any clue where he was. Emma wrote all of this for her latest article on the Avengers. She conducted in-person interviews with Tony and Thor and video chatted with Clint when he didn't have his hands tied up with his growing family. This took up the first few days of living in the compound after settling in, and now it was time for the in-person interviews with the new team.

Emma throws on her AI glasses and grabs her tablet before heading down to the training area where the team was supposed to be training together. As she walks there, Emma sets up everything into capture and report mode so she can get everything that is said so she can then transcribe it into the article.

When the door to the room comes into view, Emma's heart lurches. She hadn't spoken at all with Steve since that day, she was sure Rhodes still wanted her arrested, and Wanda was now part of the team. Needless to say, Emma was still a bit hesitant to be around her because of the vision she made her see. The rapid onset of anxious thoughts makes the music from the AI system play quietly in her ears, and Emma takes a deep breath before pushing open the door.

Sam, geared up in his Falcon suit, is the one to bring attention to Emma's presence by calling her name and waving like a five-year-old. Emma gives a small smile and waves as all eyes turn to her. She panics for a second before telling herself, You got this, it'll all go smoothly. After her pep talk, she announces, "Hey, uh, Tony asked me to do an article interviewing the new team. If we could maybe do that, whoever wants to go first, please follow me. I'll try to be quick and get out of your way shortly. Thanks."

Sam instantly walks over her way and Emma leads him to the corner of the room for the interview. Before Emma can start asking questions, Sam says with a smile, "I'm glad we're all living here together, you, me, and Steve. The Three Amigos back together!"

Emma tries not to show her sadness at the statement as she realizes that Steve hadn't told him what happened. Maybe that was a good thing? It could mean that there was still hope for them? She mentally shakes her head and smiles at Sam, saying, "Just like old times." Emma taps the side of her glasses and says, "SAM start recording please."

Sam has a look of confusion on his face but proceeds to pull out his phone as he says, "And here I was thinking you had all the fancy Stark tech."

Emma can't help but laugh at the statement and tells him, "Oh no, no the uh the AI is called SAM. Acronym for Saving Asses Mundanely. Tony named her."

"Perfectly not confusing," Sam says with a laugh while putting away his phone.

"Yeah, I'll have to end up just calling you Wilson or Falcon on missions."

"Works for me," Sam replies with a smile. He claps his hands and rubs them together before saying, "Now let's get on with this interview."

"Let's. So first, Mr. Wilson, Falcon, are you excited about your new post as an Avenger?"

"Oh absolutely. Ever since the mission of taking down HYDRA undercover in SHIELD I've wanted to join the team, but I had some other matters to attend to on Captain Rogers' orders."

"I see, thank you. Now, I know you have a background in pararescue with the US military, how do you think that will play into your role on the team?"

"Asking the good questions, aren't we? Well I think that my flight skills will serve the team well in terms of agility in battles that may be fought in the air as well as my rescue skills being used if anyone were to get injured. I would swoop in and save them. See what I did there?"

Emma laughs at the comment and asks a few more questions before dismissing him to go train with the rest of the group. She conducts the rest of the interviews with the team, making sure to stay professional with Wanda and Rhodes.

Knowing it would be her most nerve-wracking interview, Emma saves the one with Steve and Natasha for last. When they finish up, Emma approaches the two of them and says, "Hey Cap, Natasha, if you two are ready I can interview you both at the same time." After they dismiss the group for the time being, Emma cues up SAM again and asks, "So as the leaders of the new group of Avengers what's your opinion of them all so far as a team?"

"Well we're not the '27 Yankees," Steve replies with a slight chuckle while looking at Natasha.

"But we do have some hitters," Natasha points out.

Steve nods and adds, "Individually they're all good, but they're not a team yet. Everyone works well alone and has their special skills, but cohesion...we haven't gotten there yet. It'll take some time."

"I know we can beat them into shape though," Natasha says with a small smirk.

Emma nods, asking, "So, optimistic about it?"

Natasha elbows Steve in the ribs and says, "Giddy optimism is Rogers' middle name."

Emma nods as she continues, asking, "And what about each of you individually, are you ready to learn a whole new team dynamic? What with four of your original members not present."

Steve speaks first and replies, "As a soldier, you learn that you should never grow used to something, especially team dynamic. You have to be on your toes learning and adapting to new experiences. As long as I'm a soldier I try not to grow complacent about anything."

Emma nods as Natasha adds, "I was trained to rely on myself and myself alone. A team is good to have your back if things go wrong though, so it'll be good to have this group of individuals backing me if I need it."

Emma asks a few more questions before wrapping up the interview and thanking them. She considers finally breaking her silence with Steve about what happened but backs out before any words leave her mouth.

Before Emma can turn to leave to begin writing her article, Steve speaks up, telling her, "You know, if you want, our offer we made at Barton's ranch is still on the table. We can use all the hands we can get on the team."

Emma nods and replies, "Maybe soon, but for now, I need to get to work on this. I'll get back to you on that." She offers a small smile before heading off to her room to begin piecing everything together for an article.

For the next few days, Emma works on her article and begins training with the other agents and military troops that are stationed at the compound. With that on top of her visit back to the city to see her therapist, she barely has time for relaxing. One night when she enters the compound at around ten, she's stopped by Sam who has a couple of board games in his arms. "Hey, Emma! We were all about to play some board games, wanna join us? Nat wants to make it more fun with drinks."

Emma offers a small smile and replies, "Thanks, but maybe not tonight, I'm sorry."

"Oh come on, Ems! We've been living under the same roof and I feel like I never see you."

"I've just been really busy is all," Emma replies quietly.

"Too busy for your best friends?" Sam asks, giving her the puppy dog eyes. When Emma doesn't reply right away, Sam studies her and then asks, "Is there something going on that I don't know about?"

Emma debates whether or not to tell Sam, and then decides it would be best to tell the truth. "I guess you really don't know then. Outside of business things like that interview I did with all of you, Steve and I haven't talked in almost a month..."

"What? Why? And why didn't either of you tell me?" he asks, shock evident in his voice.

Emma looks at the floor and traces patterns on it with the toe of her shoe. "At the party at the tower, when Ultron came to be, he told everyone that I have...a bit of a dodgy past. He said that I broke the law, which, don't get me wrong I did, but he didn't know my motivations as to why I did the things I did. I had good reason, but all he was worried about was the fact that I did it. That didn't sit right with Steve, and when I went to talk with him about it after everything, he said he couldn't trust me because he didn't know me.

"Maria says it was probably a heat of the moment thing, and it may have been, there was a lot of secrecy among the whole team we came to find out, so maybe that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It really hurt though, Sam. I want to talk with him so badly because I think I finally figured out what to say, but at this point, I'm not sure he would even want to talk with me."

"Wow," Sam whispers and shakes his head. "I had no idea...it all makes sense though. He's seemed kinda distant lately, but I just thought it was because of the thing in Sokovia and then having to lead a whole new team."

"God I wish Ultron never said a damn thing..." Emma mutters in frustration while rubbing her temples. "I never wanted to hurt him."

"I know you didn't, Ems," Sam tells her gently. "Here, how about this: later, I talk with him and tell him that I spoke with you and you wanted to get things cleared up. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but I can just tell him that you want to patch things up with him. I'll be the bridge, the messenger."

"Would you not mind? If it's too much trouble I can suck it up and be an adult about it and approach him myself."

"No, no it's all good. I'll talk with him, then he can come to you when he's ready. So, are you ready to talk with him about it? Because once I tell him, there's no backing out."

The thought of finally clearing things up with Steve makes Emma smile, so she nods and replies, "Yes, I'm ready. I hope this can be the start of this fiasco being put behind us."

"That's the spirit," Sam replies as he shifts the games to one arm and pats Emma on the back with the other. "Now, you go get some rest. Next week's game night you can join us. I've been wanting to show Vision Just Dance, but it wouldn't be as fun without you."

"Sounds like a plan. Again, thank you, Sam." And with that, Emma heads to her room for the night.

The next morning, Emma is about to head down to the kitchen to get some coffee when there’s a gentle knock at her door. Knowing it was probably Steve, Emma's heart jumps in her chest. She takes a breath and slowly opens the door to reveal Steve standing there with his hands behind his back, looking a bit nervous. He offers a small smile and says, "Hey. Sam said you wanted to talk?"

"If that's okay with you," Emma tells him. Steve nods and she opens the door fully, welcoming him into the room. He sits in the office chair she has sat by her desk while Emma sits cross-legged on her bed.

Before Emma can start talking, Steve speaks up, saying, "I just thought I'd apologize for what I said that day, Em. It wasn't called for, I was just really frustrated over a lot of things and I took it out on you."

"No, no it's okay, I understand. I didn't tell you about a big part of my life, and I can see how that hurt you. I just...I wanted you to hear my side of the story. The side that Ultron didn't have access to because it wasn't on the web."

Steve nods his head and says, "I'm all ears. No outbursts this time."

Emma laughs a bit before she starts her story. "What Ultron said about me hacking police scanners and all of that was 100% true, I can't deny that, but I had a reason behind it. I apologize in advance if I get emotional talking about this, it's just hard to talk about because I always tried to forget about it all until recently. But yeah, it started when I applied to be on the NYPD journalist team but was denied and the job was given to some blonde chick with more botox than experience in journalism. I had a degree in journalism, a recommendation from my local newspaper where I had an internship, and was frankly pissed that I didn't get the job. I was new in town, my grandfather had just passed away, and after not getting that position I was just angry at the world, so I kinda hacked into the police radio system...

"Anyways, the cases I did, the ones I brought it upon myself to bring justice to, were almost always cases of domestic assault. The police usually disregarded the cases, tossing them out if there wasn't an active threat when they arrived, so I would go back the next night and put up a camera to capture proof of what was going on. I then would send in an anonymous tip and the scumbag would be busted within a few days."

Emma pauses and takes a shaky breath, saying, "I did these kinds of cases because I couldn't just stand by and let these things happen because I knew what it was like to be in that situation... You see, my father wasn't a good man. Far from it. From the time I could walk there were expectations of me that were wildly unrealistic, but I was always expected to live up to them. If I didn't meet his standards, he would yell at me, call me names, just all around be super awful, and if the task wasn't done well enough or fast enough, sometimes...uh..."

Emma closes her eyes and takes a break for a second, spinning the ring on her thumb furiously trying not to cry. "Emma, if it's too hard to talk about you don't have to," Steve says gently, his own emotions running high seeing Emma in such a vulnerable state.

"No, I want you to know the whole truth. I want you to know about my past, to know me..." She waits for a second more before continuing, "If I didn't complete the task to his liking, sometimes he would...hurt me. The physical side of things wasn't too often I don’t think, but it was enough to suppress a lot of my childhood memories. I still knew the feeling though, and I didn't want anyone to go through that hell. So that's what I did and why I did it.

"Somehow Fury figured out who I was and recruited me for SHIELD as a reporter. He told me that I had promise and skills that the agency could use for good, so he turned my life around. I never did anything illegal again, you know unless it was under orders from SHIELD. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant saving innocent people's lives though." Even though it felt good knowing she didn't have to hide the past from Steve anymore, Emma still feels guilty and avoids making eye contact with Steve as she says quietly, "Well, now you know what really happened and...I hope this can be the start of building the trust between us again."

After her statement, without thinking, Steve stands up and pulls Emma up into an embrace. Emma relaxes into his strong arms and Steve whispers, "God, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Em." He pauses and admits quietly, "My father wasn't the best man either. He would try and hurt me but Mom always got in the middle of it to protect me. She was one of the bravest women I know. You're pretty high on that list too, Em, I hope you know that"

Emma smiles a bit and hugs Steve tighter as she says, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that Steve... As for me though I've been learning that everything happens for a reason. It may not have been the ideal life, but," she pauses for half a second before deciding to continue, "if it hadn't happened the way it did, I wouldn't have met you."

Steve smiles at the statement and he hopes that Emma can't feel his heart rate increase in response. He releases Emma from his embrace and tells her, "Thank you for telling me, Em. I'm glad you trust me enough to be so vulnerable and honest. And again, I'm so sorry I said what I did. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Hey, it's okay. And I know it may take a little bit of time to get where we were again, but...are we good?" She pauses and decides to crack a joke, asking, "Can I go back to beating your ass at Mario Kart with Sam?"

Steve chuckles and nods, saying, "Yes, we're good."

"Yay!" Emma replies with a smile.

She quickly wipes the excess tears from her eyes as the two exit her room and head to the kitchen together. Emma's mind is so busy trying to remember the feeling of being in his arms that she almost misses Steve asking, "Will you be joining us for meals and, as Sam dubs it, team bonding?"

"Oh I wouldn't want to intrude," Emma replies, snapping back into reality.

"I insist. You're as much part of the team as anyone else. It's been killing me not to tell you how well you did in Sokovia, by the way. For your first mission in the field, you did a great job."

Emma can't help the smile that makes its way onto her lips as she says, "Thank you, Steve. It means a lot. That night I was pretty pissed, so I got a lot of training in learning how to utilize SAM in battle mode."

"Well if that's what kind of work you can do when you're angry, I'd like to see more of it," Steve replies with a quiet laugh.

Emma huffs out a noise of amusement and says back, "I think we could find some other motivation to get me working that isn't anger-driven. I'd like to think I've been working hard with the other recruits in my physical training, so don't count me out just yet."

"Oh, I won't. Remember you're still part of the team. Once you get your basics down, Nat agreed that we should take you in to train with the rest of us. If you're okay with that of course."

"As long as I'd be accepted. I think Rhodes might not feel the same way about my past as others do. And," she pauses, not knowing how to phrase the next part, "and with Wanda, she's..."

Steve hums inquisitively and when he isn't met with an answer, he says, "Wanda's a changed person now, Em. She truly regrets showing all of us what she did in those visions." He pauses for a moment before telling her, "He didn't give me details, but Clint told me that what she showed you was the reason you walked out on the mission that night at the ranch. I can tell that she feels guilty for what she showed you the way she reacts when someone brings up the fact that you haven't been with us lately. You can be your own judge of character though."

"It just may take a bit of time," Emma replies.

"Don't rush it, some things just take time. While you're doing your basics, you can hang out with all of us and get to know everyone better. You'll see that she isn't who Ultron or HYDRA wanted her to be."

Emma nods as they get into the kitchen where Sam is having breakfast with Maria. "I see you two made up?" Sam asks with a hopeful smile.

Maria adds, "It's about damn time."

The pair smile and nod as Emma tells the two of them, "It's good to be back."

link to the next part

a/n okay holy shit I have way too much music for this post so I’ll just list them instead of putting the Spotify links (whoops) {and again, there is a playlist on Spotify already but if you don’t want spoilers via the music on there I would avoid it for now}

Matter to You - Sasha Alex Sloan

Reflection - Hey Violet

Missing You - All Time Low

Why - Read Southall Band

What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts

Secret for the Mad - Dodie

Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance

Two Ghosts - Harry Styles

Close as Strangers - 5SOS

Little do you Know - Alex and Sierra

Easy on Me - Adele

forever fifteen - mothica

Still - Niall Horan

Arms Unfolding - Dodie

Sparks Fly - Hey Violet

Apple Pie - Lizzie McAlpine

#fanfic #marvel #captain america #slow burn #steve rogers #romance #fanfiction #writing #friends to lovers #steve rogers friends to lovers #steve rogers slow burn #protective steve rogers #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers angst #steve rogers romance #steve rogers x oc #captain america fic

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artsyxloner · 3 years

Text

Not just a Monster

Warning: drinking

19: Another Infected

Ji-Soo laid on the recovery table fast asleep. She was still kinda pale but that will soon go away once she starts healing. The group managed to find antibiotics if she got an infection.

I would have given her some of my stuff but it burned up in the car explosion. I've been in here for a while, making sure nothing went wrong. Watching to see if her side was turning red, or started to swell.

It could get infected easily and-spread throughout her body if not watched or treated carefully. Soon Jae-Heon came in, I smiled. He was pretty badass for a man that worships God and is also a great swordsman.

( please note that this is not meant to offend anybody, my religion is Christianity )

He took a seat, laying down some white candles he brought with him. checking over Ji-Soo. I could tell something was going on between them but neither announced it yet. I guess in a world like this it was hard to.

" What are the candles for?" I questioned but waited as he lit them with a lighter. Clasping his hands together he bowed his head and began to Pray. Watching him, I haven't prayed in a long time.

I use to think what was the point, thinking it wouldn't do any good since I did a terrible sin. But seeing how Jae-Heon is still keeping his faith even after killing monsters it was the same difference.

Killing is killing.

If I ask for forgiveness will it help? will I finally stop feeling guilty and move on? Will I be able to forgive myself? I wish I knew what to do I was uncertain. But I closed my eyes and bowed my head.

Dear lord

I know I shouldn't be asking for your forgiveness... but please lift me of the sin I committed and if possible I could somehow forgive myself someday and in hopes, they can too. let my family Rest In Peace.

I finished reopening my eyes, I jumped a little realizing Jae-Heon was watching me. " God will forgive you Soo-Nico for whatever you've done." He reassured me, I felt my heart was weighing heavy.

I had to ask since he's was the only one that I could talk about religion. " how are you so sure?" Was he going to forgive me? For something as terrible as that? Jae-Heon had a knowing look on his face. " Because he's a merciful God,"

With that answer, I nodded, " I don't mean to pry but what were you praying about." I wanted to ask, I probably seem nosy. I saw him glance at Ji-Soo," for someone to live a long, healthy, happy life."

Now it was my turn to give some words of encouragement. " They will," it was short and simple but effective. Jae-Heon patted my shoulder. " you're a good kid, I'll watch over her. you should go eat something to build up your strength,"

he informed, me I had to laugh, now that he mentioned it I was pretty hungry. Rubbing my stomach I got up, bowing. Leaving the room, heading to go get something to eat.

His words somehow made me feel better. They were having dinner in the day-care-center walking in I had grabbed my plate sitting down beside Hye-in. I guess it was better to eat with people than being alone.

She was happily eating, away I noticed she had a white face mask on. She looked like a puffy marshmallow, it seems like they have all washed up. I needed a wash. Taking my spoon, I scooped some rice and took a bite.

" Ms. Cha, " Hye-In spoke up getting the woman's Attention, She had looked up. " I thought that you were tan but you're just really dirty." Hye-In laughed, I raised an eyebrow.

" Thanks.." Ms. Cha stared at her I couldn't believe she just said that. " I'm saying you look good now." what she didn't look better before?

" I got these masks in the mail. Want one?" Hye-in offered to pulling up her shirt, revealing a couple of packs of face masks. Well, that's one way to hide them.

" No, thanks. I know That I look pretty without it." This earned all kinds of laughs around the room. " wait, Seung-Wan needs it." Byeong-ll point making Seung-Wan clap back defensively.

I have I admit it was pretty funny, as we chatted, Sun-Young walked up to our table she seemed nervous. I wondered what about it? " I should go outside." Before I could take another bite I stopped looking up at her. What for?

" I think I'm starting to have symptoms." that's when all the attention turned towards her. It was quiet, " I should've told you sooner." Sun-Young had a long face as if she was disappointed for not telling. " I guess I didn't want to believe it. I'm sorry."

No one can blame you it's scary finding out your showing symptoms it's like your life just has been ripped away. It's hard to accept. " I just don't want to put everyone in danger. So I should go before it's too late—"

Ms. Cha, interrupted Sun-Young, " still you shouldn't go outside." She dismissed. " she right. You're still human, you'll die if you go outside." Hye-In agreed. But Jay-Hwan thought otherwise.

" –We can't let her stay here?" I rolled my eyes, " why don't you shut up!" I fussed that's when Eun-Hyuk Entered the room. " why don't we all hold a vote?" Byeong-ll suggested a worried look was plastered on his face.

Then he all turned to us, " just vote how you feel, because this is like... taking part in a murder." I remembered those words, the day Eun-Hyuk guilt trip, everybody, to so they could vote for Hyun-Su to stay for selfish reasons.

But that was over and done with now, " I vote she gets to stay in the arcade." He raised his hand, I did also Even Seung-wan, " Me, too. Maybe she'll be able to hold out as Hyun-Su did?"

After that everyone raised their hands. I was Surprised when Eun-Hyuk's hand was raised, he has changed, well a lot of them have. It looked like Sun-Young was about to cry.

Soon everyone said their goodbyes, I felt bad she was going to be locked up. But it's what she wanted to keep everyone safe it's better than being outside.

At least they won't discriminate against her as they did to Hyun-Su and now be there for her. Things were changing for better than worse. Hopefully, it stayed that way.

After finishing my food, everybody was in a gloomy mood. They moved around sitting in different seats. " I could definitely use a drink on a day like this," Byeong-ll grumbled moving his pointer fingers around a small candle that was lit.

" There you go again."

I didn't mine alcohol, but it sounds good right about now. Jay-Hwan told putting in one earbud," well, do you think Sun-Young will hold out like Hyun-Su?" Seung-Wan rethought his words he said earlier.

" I hope so. I thought it was just her husband, but her whole life is awful." Hue-in announced, yeah I remember Suk-Hyun.

" lady you're face is Awful." Eun-Yoo sneered, I had to smirk, shaking my head. " well I think Byeong-all it right. We could definitely use a drink today."

Ms. Cha agreed I hadn't noticed she left, she was carrying a glass cylinder it was a beautiful dark red juice with raspberry in it.

Setting it down on the table unwrapping the top taking off the plastic wrap. " What is this Korean wine? Please tell me it is." Byeong-ll pleaded.

Everyone began to turn their heads to see. Gil-Seob sat up smelling the wine, " it's at least four years old." He looked up at Ms. cha and she nodded. He smelled it again as Eun-Yoo and I came over sitting beside each other.

" it could be as good as Medicine." I smiled, taking a glance at Eun-Yoo we were both too young but I already had some wine before but it wasn't that great but I was willing to give it another try.

Eun-Yoo Leander forward smelling it, " Yu-ri left early by the way." She informed him, she then moved pushing the Cylinder to me. " go on," she smiled I did to smelling it. God that smelled so sweet, my mouth watered.

" shall we finish this off before Eun-Hyuk comes?" She suggested, talking about her brother. Gil-Seob stuck his pinky in the jar getting a taste. We all began to laugh.

But stopped seeing Eun-Hyuk, he had a straight face, considering he was the leader he made the choices around here shit. " speak of the devil." Gil-Seob mumbled.

I was for sure he wouldn't let us drink, but to my shock he did. " just don't forget your duties." Eun-Hyuk then left, turning back around we quickly Gil-Seob began pouring the wine into small cups.

He handed them out giving me and Eun-Yoo one. I gladly Excepted it before I could take a sip Eun-Yoo nudged me. " hey, I saw you and Hyun-Su almost kiss." She whispered in my ear. My eyes went wide, feeling my whole body go stiff.

WHAT!?

I took a sip avoiding her stare, wow this was good and sweet, " don't be embarrassed you guys are cute together might as well hook up before you know what happens." She hinted, smirking at me.

I took another sip, gulping it down. Is this girl talk? From an actual friend? I wanted to be together with him and I confessed in way that was out of my comfort zone.

" Thanks... And yeah, what is better than two Infected's getting together in a world where anything and everything could go wrong." I said lowly enough just for her to hear.

She Seconded that. " his lips were this close!" I wined, showing her pinching my thumb and pointer finger together symbolizing how close were to kissing. I could feel my cheeks heat up, was I getting drunk I only took a few sips I must be lightweight.

I leaned my head on her shoulder kinda upset, she brought her hand up patting my head. " don't worry you'll get your chance, and you'll be the one to do it." She added.

I thought it over, " Me? why me?" My eyes glanced up. She huffed, " because Hyun-Su is too nervous, plus you made the first move he still wouldn't have done it if you didn't say anything." Eun-Yoo finished her cup like me.

I think that is enough Wine for today. I sat my cup down, feeling all fuzzy. Thinking about Hyun-Su's lips they were chapped and dry but it didn't matter I kiss them either way.

I then heard Eun-Yoo laugh loudly. Did I say that out loud? " you did!" She confirmed I was embarrassed hiding my face in my hands. Only me.

"All Alright!" Gil-Seob clubbed his hands together, " who's in for a story?" He recommended, " aren't we too old for stories?" Eun-Yoo stated, he only smiled. " not this one." is all he said

Taking a seat where everyone slept. We followed I laid my head on a pillow. " it was a very dark night with no moon. I lay down between the corpses and pretend to be dead, but u were watching them carefully." so this was a scary, story the Irony huh?

" the remnants of the people's army went inside the building, and the allied forces that were after them fired hundreds of shots at the building." He took the weird stick Jay-Hwan was holding and reenacted the gun fire-making Pow sounds.

He was on his knees saying it loudly but he suddenly stopped. " Hey, I know I saw them go into the building with my own two eyes," he said as if he was so sure. " they all went into the building but nobody came out of the building." I was interested now raising.

" and there were no dead bodies found. How baffling that building." He sucked in a breath looking around as if remembering something. It seems like everyone was on the edge of their seats. " Was here." Everyone gasped, raising hearing this.

" then?" Jay-Hwan gulped, " we have no idea what's buried underneath where we are. That's what I mean."

He Motioned towards the ground, " -what? -jeez." Someone asked not to believe this scared, I mentally laughed the only thing scarier than that is me in this room.

They had no idea, well except Eun-Yoo but then there was a loud bang since everyone was tense they all screamed. An unfamiliar man came running into the room wearing a black soldier suit." He came towards us seeing the jar of raspberry's sticking his hands in it eating them.

We all scooted back, Gil-Seob held up the stick ready to attack if needed. But Yi-kyeong strode in. " who are you, someone yelled. " I think he's a runaway soldier." He continued to eat, as the raspberry juice dripped on the table.

He then looked at his stained red hands, he kept mumbling something I think it was run? But from what? " quickly!" He freaked out then started shaking falling to the floor. What the hell?

Yi-kyeong grabbed onto his collar as the boys got up to help her. They dragged him away. " well that was unexpected." Hye-In blurred out. The girls nodded.

Seeing there was no reason to stay anymore, I got up and left before any more surprises popped up. I said my byes to Eun-Yoo, I figured I should search around for Hyun-Su.

A/N

Finally finished with this chapter. And please I'm sorry if an offended anyone talking about god, I don't mean to if you guys worship a different religion. I did it because it fits in with the characters' plot. And I also smell a great friendship coming up.

Thank you guys for the reads, votes, and support!! 🖤

#kdramaedit #sweet home #song kang #cha hyun su #kdrama #netflix kdrama #sweet home netflix #sweethomeedit #kdrama spoilers #webcomic #sweet home webtoon #sweet home series #webtoon #netflix korea #korean #korean show #monsters #monster

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juviaafullbuster · 4 years

Text

FORGIVING HIM

Genre: Angst and fluff

Relationship: Gruvia

Summary: Gray is determined to apologize to Juvia and win her back after realizing what he has done and what he is losing.

A/N:

This is the second part to my story "Breaking her" which I wrote for Gruvia week. Its dedicated to @amrentheangel since it was supposed to be a one-shot but she asked for another part. Hope you like it, let me know what you think :)

Here is part 1 if you're interested:

https://juviaafullbuster.tumblr.com/post/614669804097470464/breaking-her

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A few weeks had passed since the group had returned back to Magnolia. The whole guild was working hard on rebuilding the guild hall. It filled Gray with pride, seeing that things didn't change between the guild members and everyone was putting their all into it. Fairy Tail still meant a lot to every single one of them. If only every thing could go back to the way it was..

He looked around for the water mage that would usually be hiding somewhere near, trying to get closer to him, but he couldn't find her. He hasn't been able to for the past days. He wasn't sure whether she was gone on a mission or just locking herself up in her dorm. He knew one thing for sure though. She was avoiding him ever since their last conversation. Thinking back, he could still hear her words clearly. Every single one she threw at him.

You only saved her to break her heart all over again.

It was a stab to his heart. Every damn word. The more she talked, the more he broke inside. But he deserved it. He deserved to hear it, deserved to feel the pain. If he was honest with himself, he never deserved Juvia in his life in the first place. She was always too good for him.

It's over. Juvia is done.

He could see the hurt in her eyes, the way she was holding back her tears and forcing her chin up, trying not to show weakness. She had reminded him of the Juvia he met that day on the roof. The phantom lord Juvia. Cold, calculating, distant.. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. It was were everything had started. He was amazed by her power, admittedly a little freaked out too. But that wasn't what stuck in his memory the most. It was her fall. The way she just accepted it. She didn't scream nor did she try to hold onto something. She just kept falling, empty eyes looking into the sky. She was ready to leave, ready to lose her life. It was a quick reaction, but he had caught her by her wrist and pulled her up. And somehow he had broken the curse that had been following her. They both sat on the roof, still drenched from the rain that had been pouring over them just minutes ago. It was gone now. He let Juvia see the clear sky for the first time. That day, it changed her completely. He had saved her. At least that's what Juvia always told him.

You brought the rain back, Gray.

It was the words she had last said to him, before parting ways. The words that kept coming up in his head, showing him how much he had messed up and how badly he had truly hurt her. Juvia had left after, not seeing the way he broke down, how he couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears kept flowing and his heart was aching. He was praying to wake up, praying that it was all a bad dream, that it would be over soon and he would see his Juvia again, the one with the brightest smile and the purest heart. But it never happened. Juvia was gone and he was left alone.

The days kept passing and no matter how hopeful he woke up, reality would always catch up to him very quickly. He still didn't see Juvia anywhere around and the worry was eating away at him. He missed her. He missed her smile, the way she would greet him, the way she called out his name. He missed it all, every little thing about her. His thoughts had kept him up all night and after a lot of turning and tossing, he had finally made a decision. He would fix this and win her back, no matter what. Juvia was his girl and he wasn't going to just give up so easily. Gray had truly messed up this time, he was aware of that. But he will do anything to make it up to her. That was a promise.

Gray walked up to Gajeel, determination in his steps. If anyone knew where the water mage was, it would be her best friend.

"Hey Gajeel, you got a minute?"

"Look what we have here. If it isn't the stripper."

"Gajeel, be nice.." Levy gave him a pointed look, able to feel the tension between the two boys.

"You don't happen to know where Juvia is?"

"So now you care?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I can't help you so go bother someone else."

"Seriously?" Gray was growing impatient. He needed to know where Juvia was, the sooner the better. This iron head over here was no help whatsoever. Why did he bother asking him in the first place?

"Look, I really need to talk to her. It's very important."

"You plan on fixing things?"

Gajeel didn't show it openly, but he had a good heart. Gray being one who doesn't like to show his emotions either, knew that. And he knew that Gajeel would do anything for Juvia, despite always calling her the annoying rain woman. They were best friends after all.

"Juvia went on a mission."

"With who?"

"By herself. She insisted on going alone."

The way Gajeel said that didn't sit well with Gray at all. And by the way the dragon slayer was looking at him, he wasn't too fond of it either.

"I don't know what kind of mission it is, she didn't really say much. She's been pretty distant lately, avoiding almost everyone and staying silent on every trip. But going alone on a mission is a new one, even for that crazy woman."

It really was a new one. Even back in her Phantom Lord days, Juvia wasn't one to work alone. So heading out on a mission all by herself definelty was a warning sign that shouldn't be ignored. The worries Gray had kept growing. But there was nothing he could do now besides waiting for her to come back and praying that it wouldn't be too late.

The sun had set already when Juvia arrived back in Magnolia. The job had taken longer than expected, but she had finished it successfully. Although she had to admit that it wasn't the best idea to go by herself because it made everything much harder and also gave her too much time to think and that wasn't doing her any good lately.

Juvia approached Fairy Hills, desperately longing for a hot shower and her bed but stopped in her tracks when she saw a certain someone sitting on the bench in front of the building. It had been days since she last saw him and weeks since she last talked to him. He looked like a mess. There were bags under his eyes that indicated that he hadn't slept in a week. His hair was messy, like he had run his hand through it several times. Despite that, he still looked handsome, the most beautiful man Juvia laid eyes on. She considered turning around and walking away, but he spotted her before she had time to react, his dark eyes locking with hers and paralyzing her on the spot.

"Juvia!"

She couldn't avoid him forever, she was aware of that. She was angry, sad and hurt.. but she missed him. She missed him so much. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for the conversation that she could no longer postpone.

He had already stood up in a rush and was now standing in front of her. For a moment, they both stood in silence, looking at each other before Juvia nervously averted her gaze, looking anywhere but at the man in front of her. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye and opted for keeping her head low, eyes focusing on her shoes.

Gray wasn't sure where to start. There was so much he needed to say and yet no words came out. He wanted to punch himself. He had prepared for that moment so many times for the past weeks, overthinking every sentence and training in front of the mirror and now that he finally had a chance, he was messing it up. He needed to get it together. He scratched the back of his head, before taking a deep breath and deciding that he should, in Elfmans words, be a man.

"Juvia, I- I missed you." Gray wasn't going to hold back on his emotions. He promised he was going to be honest with her and he was going to keep this one at least. Juvia didn't give him an answer, but she didn't try to leave either so he took that as a sign to continue.

"Listen, I've been thinking about every thing, about what happened, what I did and what you said and.. I understand it. I understand why you feel this way, why you avoid me, maybe even hate me. You have every right to be angry with me. I messed up.."

Juvia wanted to interrupt him. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. But she bit her tongue. She had to stay strong, she couldn't just run back into his arms and pretend everything was good, not yet at least. Although that was exactly what she wanted to do.

"Juvia, I am truly sorry. I have done a lot of things in my life I'm not exactly proud of, things I regret. But leaving you, hurting you, that is the one thing I regret the most, one thing that will haunt me for the rest of my life. My excuses for leaving you don't matter, what I did was simply wrong. I should have never left you all by yourself, without a word. You have been on my mind the entire time. I wanted to come back so many times, to check on you, but I didn't. I was a coward and I don't deserve you."

Taking a deep breath, Gray put his hands on Juvias shoulder. When the water mage finally looked up, it broke his heart all over again. The tears were running down her cheeks and she looked so hurt, so broken. But he couldn't stop yet, couldn't comfort her, he had to finish first and see where things would go from there.

"But I am selfish. I'm too selfish to let you go, to let you move on. I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. I won't give up. I need you, Juvia. I need you by my side. Not seeing you this past weeks, it drove me crazy. I didn't realize how attached I had become to you, how big your role in my life had become. You broke the ice around me, pulled me from a darkness I wasn't aware I was in. You always used to say that I'm your hero, that I saved you. But it's not true. You are the one that saved me. I can't let go of you, Juvia. You are my world and I need you. I'm sorry I didn't give you an answer sooner. I'm sorry you had to get hurt for me to realize how stupid I am. I was being a coward. I'm not good enough for you, but I promise to do better, become a man worthy of you. I'll do whatever it takes. Because I think-"

Gray took a step closer and put his hand on Juvias cheek, wiping away a tear that was rolling down. He took her hand in his, bringing it up to his face and placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist.

"I think I love you. No, that's not right. I don't just think so, I'm sure. I'm in love with you. I can't stay away from you because I'm better when I'm with you. You make me happy, the way I feel when I'm with you.. it's different. It's good. I- I love you, Juvia."

He wasn't holding back anymore. If there was anyone he'd pour his heart to, it is Juvia. And no matter how she'd react, he won't regret being honest with her. For a moment neither of them said anything, just gazing into each other's eyes. His heart was hammering against his chest and Gray was sure Juvia could hear his heartbeat.

"Juvia missed you so much."

Juvia was done trying to be strong, trying to hold back. Gray had told her everything she wanted to hear and more. He was honest and showed her a side of him noone else was allowed to see, his vulnerable side. The tears were now falling like water falls and Juvia practically threw herself at Gray, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest. She had missed this so much, his scent, his warmth, him. She felt his arms coming around her and pulling her even closer. Gray leaned his head on hers. And after so long she felt like she was finally home.

"Please don't leave Juvia ever again."

"I won't, I promise you."

"Good. You know, Juvia wanted this for so long, but.. I thought you didn't want me."

"I do, I want you. Only you."

They stayed like this for a while, just enjoying each others presence before Gray let her out of his embrace, instead putting his hands on her waist and leaning his forehead on hers.

"Juvia."

"Hm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Juvia was wondering what you were waiting for.."

Gray flashed her a breathtaking smile before leaning in and finally locking his lips with hers. The kiss was slow and careful, like he was testing the water first, but they both melted into it soon and the kiss became deeper instantly. It was as if they were pouring every emotion they felt now and for the past weeks into it, the ache, the longing. Juvias arms went around his neck and Gray pulled her even closer, not leaving any space between their bodies. They didn't stop kissing until they were forced to, both being out of breath. Even then, they stayed close to each other, neither willing to let go.

"You know, your lips are very soft. I could kiss them all day."

Juvia giggled and give him a quick peek on the lips, teasing him. "Juvia wouldn't mind that."

Gray was grinning like a child that just got candy. He didn't remember ever being this happy. He finally had her back, Juvia was by his side again and this time, she knew how he was feeling. There was nothing more to hide. Juvia was his, just as much as he was hers and there was nothing in this world that would make him let go of her ever again. He had meant every word he said, he'd prove himself to her and become a better man. For her, he'd do anything.

"Juvia, I love you. I really do."

"Juvia loves you too, Graysama."

#fairy tail #gray x juvia #gruvia #juvia lockser #gray fullbuster #fairy tail juvia #ft juvia #fairy tail gray #ft gray #fairy tail gruvia #back to writing

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 6 years

Text

Out Of The Woods (3/?)

This multi chap fic has been one that I've wanted to write for a while. I'm hoping to connect a few loose ends, since my series is getting closer to the end. Don't worry, I still got a couple of fics left in me. I'd love to thank @xerxezra whose conversations with me are always inspirational. I'd also like to thank @dorkydisappointment whose writing got my creative juice flowing and @hoodoo12 who continues to inspire me all the time. Please check out the wonderful art done by @ravenousscorpian for two scenes out of the second chapter of this fic (Her art found here)

References to the woman in Ricks journal is from my fic What You Found Amongst The Pages. I know, that was shameless self promotion. There are a lot of questions that I wanted to answer in you'd chapter, but for the sake of editing had to put it in the next. I'll work on it right as soon as this is posted. Thanks for everyone's continued support. 😘😘😘😘😘😘

If you haven't read part 1 or part2, then heres a link (Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2)

In this fic the reader tries to uncover the mystery of the artist behind Zeta-7s portrait.

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Chapter 3: Dare Not Say That Man Forgets Sooner

Whatever redeeming qualities the room held in the previous happy hours were gone, and now even the remnant, lingering daydreams were falling away. With every hour you comprehended the severity of your assumptions and what the consequences were if you decided that enough was enough. Honestly, you didn't want to lose him because Zeta-7 was the light of your life; he expanded your universe and had helped you become a better person, but you could still carry on if you needed to. You had the means, your work, and an ever growing list of books to read, but was it enough, now that you had gotten a taste of the good life? Probably not.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Concerning the current situation, and all which led up to it; if you considered everything which included your existence, life till now, and all he had ever done, then there was no mistaking that he loved you; or had; at least thought he did, but it didn't change the truth of the matter; you hadn't been the first. A few hours had given you time to weep until you thought you had no tears left to cry, but there was still a thick fog over your thoughts and rationality; any shift of emotion being too much to bear. You curled into yourself, aching, hoping you'd disappear, but it didn't work; you were still here; stuck. Being at a disadvantage, not knowing how to get home and neither having a way to get there if you could was frustrating.

Who knows how long you'd been down here, despairing, wallowing in memories and dust, but you were tired, thirsty, and knew that if you didn't move he'd have trouble finding you, and yet you didn't care; let him find you; let him work for it. Though, how would that make it any better? All it would do is succeed in upsetting him before you knew all the facts. You hated this. Father always said hate was a strong word that shouldn't be taken for granted; you rarely had reason to feel as such, but the more you gleaned from those photos and the more proof you found of her presence about the place made you feel hateful and bitter.

Thinking of her smiling at him, receiving every bit of his loving-kindness and inviting demeanor animated by unaffected good-will; his general countenance and becoming familiar with a fresher-faced creature of your dreams; holding him; touching him; loving him. Oh God no, you thought, groaning into a handmade pillow. What was worse was that you couldn't dissuade the thought of her mysterious silhouette sneaking up behind you, plunging a knife into your already fragile identity, and taking back what was hers. Your doubt feeding these ugly horrors which were hybrids of nightmares and daydreams.

Though during a brief moment of clarity, you had come to a conclusion which hardly alleviated these feelings, but we're true; it wasn't your fault. Yes, it had been your choice to accept him and be in a proper relationship with someone with an ambiguous past, and yes you did snoop around a little, but you didn't know how much he'd been hiding or searching for someone like her and had settled on silly, stupid you. Yet, no matter how much you thought about it, why chase a vision of the past and put so much effort in the present? There must've been more to this; there had to be.

Manifested, unstinted kindness and consideration and love in his form didn't happen out of the blue, it was nurtured and conditioned. Had it been her influence which made you knew? Who knows, but you had been fortunate to have had an opportunity to associate let alone form a romantic attachment, but that would soon pass away once you confronted him. Right? After a little while longer, when your heart was finally beginning to slow and thought you'd be able to catch your breath, you heard him walking about upstairs; calling and knocking.

Rick was home and you turned over on the couch and covered your ears so you wouldn't hear him; you weren't ready to deal with this; you didn't want to deal with this. In your heart of hearts, you wanted to go home, to the past, back to when there were no problems and it was just you, dad, and your dreams. If only he was still around so that he could tell you that everything was alright and it was all just a bad dream and that he could fix it, but you couldn't; only in a dream, you could. Dad always knew what was best, but you were old enough to decide for yourself now.

Did this mean you wish you never knew Rick? No, but you wished that you would've never known about all this; about her; that you could've lived in ignorance. Oh, the sweet, sweet bliss of ignorance, how wonderful it had been while it lasted. Even when his warm laughter echoed down the stairway, having found you, ready, eager and excitable to be near you, you didn't answer. You knew you weren't in the state of mind to say anything nice, that despite it all he wasn't a bad person. Yet, the moment that hand of his touched your shoulder, you hissed. “Don't touch me.”

He gasped, stunned by this uncharacteristic aggression. Maybe you weren't the nice girl he thought you were after all; especially if the rustling of his clothes alone made you angry enough to dig your nails into the couch cushions. Zeta-7 waited for a few moments, ruminating on what would be the best course of action before he knelt down to be at your level and wondered. “What's wrong? Are y-y-you hurt? Is th-there anything I can do?”

Swallowing back a sob, you silently counted to ten then answered in a listless tone. “I don't know if you can. You've… you've been hiding stuff from me.”

“Huh, I-I have? What have I…”

“Don't try to deny it.”

Pushing yourself up, you rubbed your swollen eyes and chanced a look at him; your sight fuzzy as tears threatened to fall but thankfully didn't. The alarm in his widened eyes at the state of your runny nose, and tear-stained cheeks made him instinctively reach out to wipe your tears away, but you pushed that familiar, loving hand away. “M-mi corazón?”

Instead of answering as you usually would, you pulled out the well-loved copy of Persuasion from behind a pillow, took a deep breath and dropped it on his lap. “I found it while I was looking for something to read.”

“Oh geez.”

“And can you believe I found more than I bargained for.”

You two sat in silence for what felt like hours as he stared at it, and when he gathered the courage to look inside, the lines about his brow and mouth deepened; another sign that it was true. When he finally interrupted the silence, he confessed regretfully. “I-I was going to tell you.”

“But you didn't. There's a lot of things that I understand are none of my business, but this….I think is a good time to know. If you care about me at all, then read what you wrote.”

“But it's - it's not what you think.”

“Then there's nothing be afraid of. Go on then, read it.”

Visibly swallowing, his shaky hands held it open and he stuttered. “I-I-I thought of you today as I left th-the milky way, on my way t-to a classified location. I-I wish you were here so I could show you the beauty that exists across the universe, but knowing our limitations I can only send you this wonderful novel that I found when I was exploring a-a bookstore located on one of Saturn's moons. I-I know it can be hard to believe that Miss Jane Austen's works can reach the furthest depths of-of space, but that can be blamed on a certain Gallifreyan and his little blue box. I can't wait to hear what y-y-you think of it. Till next time my dear. With love, from Rick.”

“Don't forget the photos.”

Setting down the book, he glanced at the discarded photos, sagging a little after each one, gauging your reaction after he finished studying them. Rick was a smart man, he knew well enough that he messed up and how compromising those photos were. “It's not - I was only writing as ugh - as a friend.” He began, wringing his hands as he went on. “Y-y-y-y-you know I don't have that many.”

Which was true. “Really? So what did she do for you? Was she special?”

“She - she made me a little less lonely. That in itself was something I w-was grateful for.”

Your nails bit into your palms and that ever familiar ache bloomed across your chest; his answer birthing more questions than you were willing to ask. He offered you a Werther's original to placate you which you accepted; it's wrapper similar to the one in the painting. As ever he waited for you to answer, and the longer he waited, the more he sagged; his eyes pleading, hoping, wishing that he could know whatever hurt clouded your heart and wanted to fix it. “I want to believe you, I really do,” you admitted, which made him hopeful, though only for you to crush it with this. “but I'm tired of walking on eggshells. Tell me, what did you want from me when you had someone like her? Seems as though she was a good match for you. She was a creative who could paint, loved flowers, and butterflies among other things I imagine.”

“Sh-she did.”

You bit the inside of your cheek in an attempt to hold back the surge of feelings which were a result of his sincerity. Damn it. You could do this……possibly. “See?” you said cooly, focusing your gaze on your naked feet. “I knew she was special considering you sent her a book that had belonged to the Doctor. She also knew about your travels, which meant you trusted her and you hardly trust anyone. The point I'm getting at is that I want to know what I am to you. So, am I a knockoff or a rebound? Because we both know there's nothing like the real thing.”

“N-n-no, not at all. You mean th-the world to me and I-I love you. I have only loved you. ”

“But she loved you, didn't she? And you loved her. I can't ignore that. If she's anything like me, then what are we doing together Ricardo? Why aren't you with her? I…. I thought we understood each other but then I found proof that I was only second best. I can't do it, I can't compete with a shadow, and I'm not going to try. I don't have it in me.”

“I-I-I-I never expected you to. Por favor mi amor de m-mi vida, if you'll let me explain, I'll tell you whatever you want. I - I don't want to lose you. Please, honest t-t-to God, I don't. I can't.”

“Hmm, I didn't know you were a praying man.”

“When you're about t-t-to lose your universe, I don't think there are th-that many options. I can't - oh please I can't lose you. Not again.”

You felt your resolve breaking. You wanted to fall into his arms and melt into the comfort of them; for you both to comfort each other and let it all go because it probably was just a big misunderstanding; him being the best thing that ever happened to you, but not yet. Maybe he was a praying man after all, and if God was merciful, then why wouldn't you be? Rick certainly would. For Zeta-7, you could be. He'd definitely given you enough chances.

“Fine.” you decided, helping him up as you stood, but through this brief touch he almost misunderstood, thinking that the worst was over and gave your hand a squeeze; his warm smile weakening your resolve even further. Maybe Ricks were masters at mind games after all. And you knew it wouldn't take much for him to make you forget how unhappy you were, and like magic, show you something wonderful and dazzling, but you didn't want to be charmed; you wanted the truth. You bit the flesh inside of your cheeks hard enough for you to bleed, and despite relishing the warmth which permeated your chilled hands, you let go. “I'm……I'm not over it yet.”

TBC

#doofus rick #doofus rick x reader #rick sanchez x reader #rick sanchez #rick and morty #rick and morty fanfiction #j19z7 #rick j19z7 #j19ζ7 #rick j19zeta7 #j19zeta7 #j-19-zeta-7 #rick j-19-zeta-7 #rnm fanfic #rnm #my writing #my works

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