#also because i know the most abt them
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JAKE, at dinner: This meal was not made with love was it?
JANE: It was not, because no one loves you.
#submission#jake#jane#jake english#jane crocker#source: something i just said on discord#well roughly from something i said. the response was not that lol#feel free to change the characters around if anyone else fits it better btw!#also sorry all the quotes i've submitted so far involve the alpha kids#i just think they're very silly lol#also because i know the most abt them#i've not read homestuck but my best friend kinassigned me dirk a while ago#not read homestuck *yet - dropped a word and too lazy to retype#anyways and i had to actually go and get more than a cursory understanding of certain stuff in the comic 😭#lemme tell you. opening dirk's page and reading about the puppets.#i was in agony. 1d6 psychic damage. everything i learned#about that man was like a punch to my brain#but he is kind of silly when u look past his issues tho so#//#homestuck#incorrect homestuck quotes#mod terezi#holy shit you did not need to snipe him and leave him out to dry like that#i was witness to a fucking murder
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There's nothing he can't do. Yet.
(Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#bonus comic#This whole poll and comic is very inspired by a convo I had with qourmet in one of their art streams.#namely that the Art Of Grilling is a powerful skill separate from cooking.#I've also been inspired by said convo to try and learn how to grill. What's the point of having a garden if I can't grill my summer squash?#Anyways. I hope this appeases the crowd that has been in arms about the prev prev poll.#I don't think teenji can cook. I think lan wangji is just very good at dedicating himself to whatever craft he needs to pick up.#give him a day and he will be a grill dad#the most powerful beast of the summer lawn biome.#Until then he will lie awake at night. Haunted by this inadequacy. He's just like me for real (chronic perfectionist).#I think this is the first domestic wangxian post i've made. God I'm so sorry wangxian fans.#wwx could not care *less* abt lwj having flaws. I think thats the beauty of this relationship. they *know* about each other's flaws FIRST.#Love each people *because* of the flaws - not despite them (thats my unsolicited advice for the day).#also if you noticed my medium gray marker slowly giving out...today it finally died on me....
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can you really talk about tim's tendency to idolize and place dick on a pedestal and his semi-entitlement to understanding dick without also talking about dick's tendency to project his own feelings and insecurities onto tim and also his semi-entitlement to his right to try and micromanage how tim should feel and react about things. i, personally, cannot.
#dick and tim#anyways trust me when i say that none of this is meant in a negative way because this is what i Like about them lmao#forever thinking of the M/F fight where dick expects that tim will go alone with his line of thinking just because he says so#and is shocked when tim doesn't and instead has his own thoughts and feelings abt the matter#and babs has to tell him that tim isn't him & had a fundamentally different experience to him#it's like hmmm very realistic to me#the way they do this to each other in a way that almost is depersonalizing but like isn't actually#it's more just that they understand each other so well most of the time that it's easy to forget that they're their own person#with their own thoughts and feelings#like hm. there is something very realistically siblings about it in that#older siblings do tend to try and dominate the relationship with their thoughts and feelings because#their first memories are of being expected to lead their sibling and the sibling usually comes at a time when the older sib is v possessive#so the older sibling conceives the younger sibling as belonging to them and being kind of a hm extension of them vs their own person#meanwhile the younger sibling has no knowledge of a life where the older sibling doesn't exist#and the younger sibling's experience is that of observation of the older sibling from basically the very first day of life#so the younger sibling will often see and perceive the older sibling in very interesting ways#they're always learning something with thay observation good or bad#and thus probably develop more instrinsic understanding than even the parents do#and conflict comes because each is their own person but it's hard to see them that way sometimes#anyways there's also another thread where for dick it's hard to conceptualize tim's family of origin as real compared to them#but that's like mainly headcanon just know i'm right and it's interesting
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ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think
#alien stage#ramble#idk#till alien stage#as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it#till era would be so fucking fun#especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?)#random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple#idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally#cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs#i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately#tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what#honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is#till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now#no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily#i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment#cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before#while handling the mizi desth thing#that he assumed was happening#if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive#knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt#and knowing he has a way out of the cage#because its a triple whammy#i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things#and what sort of person the revelations will make him become#also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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another halloween thing, consider it the cringe day wednesday special
#happy cringe day wednesday#metadede#i know most of my cringe day wednesdays are for them but it makes me feel so much better abt it#meta has his penguin costume because it was just lying around idk and dedede is tom nook lol#honestly i couldn’t think of anything for Kirby or bandee so i just stuck with bluey#also ribbon is dressed as mariposa from barbie or something idk I haven’t watched that one in years#kirbyposting#my art or something#meta knight#king dedede#kirby#ribbon kirby#bandee#quinn does comics#am I still getting fluff out of my system or something? genuinely i don’t know why i drew this#cute though#i feel like ive been doing so many things i really want to think deeply abt and do justice so to do something like this#just a little bit plain and silly and not innovative or anything#and i dont mean that in a pat my own back way i mean that in a ‘quinn pls not everything has to be deeper’ way#idk it feels nice doing that#do you think meta surprise kissed him in an attempt to do a sharing kiss? i didnt think abt this until a little bit ago and i won’t say#that it’s the case but it’s kinda funny to me lol
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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So. I love this. The way Yuri snickers at Flynn showing his real self. The way he, without hesitation, says "yeah" to the idea that he would die in Flynn's place.
But the most important part of this entire thing, which was changed in the dub, is how Yuri specifically jokes that Flynn is trying to abandon him, and Flynn returns and tells Don he had no intention of abandoning Yuri.
Yuri does not hear this. Flynn knows that. But Flynn uses the exact same term Yuri used earlier, as if it's his answer to Yuri and saying no, I would never abandon you.
For reference:
Personally I just... love the weight of it. How Flynn will say something about Yuri that Yuri won't hear, but he still speaks it out into existence because it's how he really feels.
Just because Yuri won't hear it doesn't mean he won't say it, and in a way that's even more powerful. He's not looking for the credit of saying it. He's not looking to be recognized for saying it. He's not only expressing how he feels about Yuri somewhere that Yuri himself will hear him.
They're just his real, honest feelings, and he'll admit them even if Yuri's not within earshot.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#Fluri#classic Vesperia dub trying to hide all the more detailed intimacy between them tbh#y'all are gonna see it even more when I get around to post the huge posts I'm doing#going through the entire game with the changes they made#and how HEAVILY most of the drastic changes pertain to Flynn and their relationship#like. there's really no reason to change these matching scenes in the dub unless they're doing it on purpose#meanwhile they're the sweetest thing in the original and I'll never get over these scenes being matching scenes#also bc like. this is so important for their dynamic going forward into arc 2#also partly why I truly believe they'd choose each other over the world in specific contexts#but that's a story for another time LOL. for now just know Flynn has gone on record#to say he would never abandon Yuri right to Don Whitehorse's face#anyway you ever get that feeling of like. when you find out from a friend that#someone said smth nice abt you? but you didn't know they said it?#like you KNOW they're saying nice/good things abt you to other ppl now? that's the vibe I get from this#that he's not just saying it to Yuri's face. he says the important things /to others/ as well#he's not trying to score extra brownie points by using sweet words where he knows Yuri will hear him#to me that's the most honest form of affection. saying your feelings out loud where they won't hear you#Flynn also proved himself before saying it as if the idea was to show not just tell#I think Yuri understands when not joking that Flynn wouldn't abandon him#but Flynn is making sure that not just Yuri knows through his actions but that others know it too#and ultimately Yuri doesn't need to hear it. he can believe it because he can see it#Yuri doesn't need to hear it bc he understands Flynn's feelings without needing to hear it
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ive seen ppl saying smth in the wider plagiarism discussion to the tune of "don't worry anxious people, it's impossible to accidentally plagiarize!" and i feel like that lacks a lot of nuance that anxious brains like mine latch on to to just dismiss the possibility outright, as well as a lack of life experiences fueling it.
it is possible to "accidentally plagiarize" in that you can read something, forget about it, then a while later have your brain spit the ideas back out without telling where it got them. so of course you just assume they're yours and share them as such, because That's Where Most Of The Thoughts In Your Head Come From! and it both is and isn't plagiarism, you weren't /intending/ to pass someone's else's work off as your own, i'd even say in a way you were just as much a victim of misinformation as your audience. but you very much so did still resuse the work of someone else, even if you don't remember it.
but in my experience, this kind of thing also happens to a lot of people. you tell a friend a joke then wake up in a cold sweat two days later realizing the reason they didnt laugh was because they'd told you that joke a month ago. you reply to a friend's text and after sending you realized you ended it with the same exact phrase as theirs. you're writing edgy poetry and write a line you really like only to see it in a text post two days later saying youve already liked the post. like, it happens. so if it DOES happens and you're just honest and explain, people will understand. something like "oh shit im sorry, i totally have read that, i mustve forgotten and only remembered bits and pieces and just thought they were mine. thank you for letting me know and for the source" works wonders.
people know you can forget things. people won't automatically doubt your apology just because all true plagiarists say it was accidental. HOPEFULLY people can understand the nuance between a genuine remorseful explanation, and a thief who hoped no one would find out scrambling for excuses for why they did it. and those who can't, that's a them problem, not a you problem, you've taken responsibility for your actions as much as you can. they think the answer is simple, that the only thing stopping you from saying "yes i did it on purpose, i knew the whole time and deliberately copied them" is shame/inability to admit to your actions. but sometimes things AREN'T that simple, so imo ppl who are shitty to you for not following the script they made up for you in their head should be ignored
#youre allowed to make up scripts for people in fact good luck stopping yourself since thats kinda just part of how conversation works#is you try to predict how your audience will react to a certain statement#and my therapist actually encouraged me to practice run stuff i wanna talk about in sessions because That Makes It Easier To Talk About#like who cares if it's rehearsed‚ it's still the truth‚ yknow?#however that only applies to the things /you/ want to say. you are the only one aware of this script and the only one who agreed to it in#the first place which is why you plan contingencies into the script#is because you only have control over one character and can only take guesses at what the others might say#if you guess wrong and they do something different that doesnt mean /theyre/ not following the script#it means /your/ copy was a misprint and you filled in the blanks wrong. so do what good actors do and improvise. you'll get back on script#eventually. or not‚ if your guesses devolved into wildly speculative fanfiction‚ but frankly you knew going into it that#most of your script was guesswork so you should be prepared to have to make some things up on the fly#or see again: prepare contingencies#if your guesswork on your copy of the script turns out to be wrong‚ wouldnt it be sooo handy to have a second copy which follows this#version of events much better?#and if not that one‚ maybe this third? how about this fourth? etc etc etc#but really just. when guessing at what others will say. know that you are guessing and dont hold it against /them/ if youre wrong#sorry ik that wasnt super related to the post itself im just also passionate abt that#plagiarism#james somerton
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i really dont understand studying at all like genuinely i don't know what it is . i know about "taking notes" and "reading the textbook" and that's it . quizlet doesn't do shit for me because i don't know what to. do. with the cards. look at them ? am i supposed to just look at them . No one bothered teaching me actual skills bc i got good grades when i was 8 and now i am so hopelessly lost . why did no one think to teach me this for when stuff got harder than four plus three
#text#ive never understood flashcards . like what to do with them. how is that any more different or helpful than just like... writing a list on#paper of vocab terms or whatever#and like conceptually i know 'learning' is like. not only committing things to memory but also being able to engage with it which#is why teachers loveeeee group discussions and essays. but like. you read the text and then you go to class and Discuss but how do you#Learn what the text is saying like how do you . put it in your brain and udnerstand and remember it .#i think im missing something very simple because everyone else in the world seems to understand this fine#like where does the part where you go oh! i understand this and can explain it in my own words. Happen#how do u force it to happen if its not something ur autistic about#Like the only example i can think of rn of this is when i hyperfixated on hpa axis dysregulation + trauma a couple weeks ago#so i was learning stuff about it for Fun and not for school so no comprehension tests or notes or anything#and basically i'd just put on a webinar while i sorted seaglass or worked on sewing or whaever#and i can explain the concept fine. ur brain controls ur body so if it gets too scared ur body loses its shit basically.#but i dont remember most of the words. i still can barely define neurotransmitter#i can apply this to my own life but i confuse the hippocampus and the frontal lobe and the amygdala etc#and i couldnt point out any of them on a diagram#i dont get it . like i know a lot and simultaneously nothing at all abt it#how am i supposedto be remembering words and numbers AND understanding the concepts AND im supposed to do that between#reading the book and engaging in thoughtful conversation with my peers i dont understand
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"D'you think she cares?" His voice came across as a little worse for wear than it oughta. Death usually restored the body to peak order aside from a few scars, but here Martyn's throat was, scratchy and harder to parse than he woulda liked.
"What?" Came the reply. Scott shook his hand out, dirt particulates separating from his fingers as he did.
"Cleo, I mean. Obviously." Martyn laughed, leaning back against Scott's pretty little house, hand waving in a mockery of one of Scott's common gestures.
"Why would I know what Cleo thinks of you? We aren't teammates this go around." Scott turns back to his work, but it's still obvious how the previous victor felt about this game by how his voice catches at 'go around'.
Martyn winces, but he shakes it off within milliseconds. "You two are always allies! There hasn't been a go when you two haven't been conspiring. I'm asking because--"
"Martyn." Scott's voice was sharper than he meant, and it softens as he continues. "For one, I won't ask how you know more about mine and Cleo's relationship than either of us have told you. You and Grian get so clammy about that nonsense. For two, she hasn't mentioned you."
Martyn doesn't flinch, but Scott can tell that hurt him. Scott lived with him for a while, he knows. Martyn thinks himself infinitely cool and collected, but he isn't. He never has been and Scott's pretty sure he never will be. The blonde coughs. "Cool."
"Cool?" Scott laughs, looking up. Arcing underneath his hair from his right temple under his hair and around his throat is a lightning scar, and it glows slightly at the middle of his throat in a cool cyan. It aches. Martyn knows it aches, especially when Scott laughs. "Martyn, you were soulbound two goes ago. I know she's cool and all, but what's your hangup? Are you this hung up on Ren? Me?"
"What! Scott, you're having a giraffe. I don't get hung up on people."
There is a poignant silence. Martyn shifts uncomfortably. Scott rolls his eyes and returns to his work.
"Scott, I just wanna know how she is. If she ever thinks about me. I don't--I try not to think about it. The past, I mean. But it just... I may die but the soul lives on. Bones are buried but the soul is still here and it still feels that little string, y'know? We had the same soul, for a while. The same beating heart." Martyn finally moves from his ramrod straight stance, squatting beside Scott, a gloved hand extended.
The palm is cold. Ice fucking cold. The diamond shaped mark seems to give his flesh freezerburn as he nears the scar to any other living being. Any that are around, anyway. Martyn is cagey about it--Scott wasn't being mean. He has four of those diamonds across his body, though he supposes he's lucky that they're all... eh, relatively easy to hide. The one on his cheek, the back of his neck, and right over his heart were harder to conceal, though. That, and the massive ragged timepiece seemingly slashed across his back. The scar that never healed. The reminder to keep his ears open. To listen. To betray when it suits him. That one still pulses red, sore and obvious.
Scott doesn't know that a diamond burns for him as Martyn nears him. He doesn't know that it gets a little harder to breathe as the scalding diamond on the back of his neck makes itself very known. Bound, again and again, had he always found himself following after another? Hitching his soul into pieces again and again? Where would a diamond appear this time, for Jimmy? Where else would the cracks spread? Scott flicks his nose.
"You're absolutely doing that thing again where you just stare at me and look pensive. Fine, you want to know so bad what I think they think? Fine, if it'll get you to either go away or help me plant." Scott finally stands up fully and stretches his back out, then his arms high above his head. He reaches over to grasp Martyn's upper arm. "Cleo is a complicated person. They do care. They also don't. You aren't the center of her universe and that is fine. For both of you. Worrying about what they think won't make you less afraid of what comes next. Holding onto us--me, Cleo, the Ahaliance, Ren, that won't give you the peace you're looking for. You and Grian hold on tighter to the past than the rest of us. Let us go, Martyn, and let what joy you can have now happen."
The diamond hurts like hell. Like Martyn has slammed back into a pool of lava and it is eating him alive. It feels like dying when Scott holds his arm. He doesn't react. Scott doesn't know everything. "Alright, alright, I don't need an intervention here, mate! I'm genuinely just trying to see if she's mad at me, and you're talking different breeds and stronger memories. Bah. Maybe you're holding on to Cleo."
"Am I, then?" Scott snorts, and thankfully releases Martyn's arm. The burning subsides, somewhat.
"I think you are, honestly. I look away and suddenly you're gaslighting and gatekeeping and girlbossing! What about my gaslighting?" Martyn holds a hand to his chest as he fakes haughtiness.
"You're a bad liar, Littlewood." Scott kneels back in the dirt. "Now help me plant before you go back to our canary."
Martyn snorts, this time. "Our canary. Yeah, Scott, only me and Grian hold on." He does listen, though, and helps cover wheat seeds with dirt. As his right hand connects with the soil, it aches like a red winter, cold and bloody. He misses Ren. He misses Cleo, and Pearl, and Mumbo and everyone. He feels like there's a world where they could have been happy together, where they played games and laughed around Christmastime. As he looks at Scott, he wonders...
"Do you know what Christmas is?" His voice is more hesitant than he means for it to be.
"No, why?" Scott replies, shoving half a tuber deep into the earth.
"No reason. Just an old story." Then, that was the difference. He and Grian knew there was something beyond. No one else remembers what life extant a Watcher's game is like. He raises his head to watch the darkening horizon. Scott boxes his ear with a smile, and he shrugs. At least they have tonight to pretend like She wasn't watching. Like they were friends planting a field.
#dont ask me what this is. i dont know. anyway have some headcanons abt both martyn and the victors in gen#each victor gets a scar based on what killed them post everyone else dying <3 pearl has burn scars#grian has a fuck ton of scars from where bone moght have pierced skin when his bones Bropke#very gnarly#martyn and grian both have extra scars though from Things.#bigb and ren also have extra scars because i like them#most folks lose all scars they didnt have session 1 of season 1! ie scars scars were there originally so they stay and arent weird#n every time someone dies they also get a scar from that death that go away next season#soulbonds each get the same scars etc etc#inthelittlewood#i guess?#scott smajor#secret life smp spoilers#secret life smp#trafficblr#traffic smp
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dont mind me. im simply just putting together a ludgercasey angst collection.
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#aro ludgercasey propaganda#''why cant u be normal abt them'' how can i be normal abt them when solid 80% of their interactions is either angst or stemmed from angst.#even their ''fluff'' moments were also angst.#literally no one does angst like they do.#ludger prefers to keep most of his connections extremely impersonal/professional.#but whether or not he wants to admit it theirs on the other hand simply does not... fit in that category.#he'd even tried to convert it that way but it just didnt stick bc neither of them could help but be themselves around each other lmfao.#ludger is seemly still oblivious to caseys attempt to mend their personal relationship.#which is not too surprising considering he was also oblivious to the existence of their past relationship.#after all there was no reason for him to believe that casey would want to have anything to do with him. except maybe putting him in jail.#so pushing her away seems to be the most logical decision right? personal relationship is a luxury to him anyway.#alas casey who wanted to believe in their past friendship takes it as a sign that ludger has no interest in maintaining it.#she now has to take a step back because ''if you force a relationship it may become more estranged.''#so unless he takes the initiative they are likely stuck in this limbo.#(casey might use impersonal excuses to stay around but rn its all up to ludger to change the nature of their relationship)#casey girlie forget him i would have treated you so much better... is what i would have loved to say.#i wouldnt be suffering this much if ludger wasnt clearly holding himself back most of the time / if it was completely one-sided from casey.#i dont know if this is a slow burn or hurt no comfort but if casey gets no closure im gonna commit arson 😔
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#The funniest thing abt my job is that I am now an expert re the most obscure border and law changes in Europe 1918-1990#Did you know that the Saarland had a quite liberal citizenship law in the years of its existence as an independent state 1948-1956#which means formerly stateless Jewish Saarländer and their descendants are sometimes Germans without knowing it#did you know what a headache the whole Danziger Korridor thing Was?#Also Danzig had its own citizenship 1920-1939 BUT Poland hated this and since Danzig had no foreign consulates#these matters were handled by Poland for Danzigers abroad... except Polish consulates usually just handed them Polish passports#Also all of the formerly Russian empire Jews who lived abroad when that fell apart just... did whatever they wanted#I've seen one guy who was listed as simultaneously Polish and stateless who somehow talked a small Austrian village#into giving him a passport because his last residence within kuk borders was Vienna#I know ppl on here know but... national identity and citizenship and so on is so incredibly made up
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i really have loved being in japan in general so far but most of my students are so fucking mean to me 😭😭 like they’re just so so sooo mean they parrot and mock me when i call someone’s name and laugh when i talk in general and it’s like how am i supposed to curry their favor or gain their respect when they are openly making fun of me from the second i walk into their classroom for the first time💀
#i think part of it is that 90% of the students are boys and they’re all super jocks so they don’t care abt english at all#also a lot of them are second semester seniors. and i was in their shoes not that long ago#which i understand. but like i wish they would at least be somewhat decent to me😭#like i wld fully be willing to say okay fuck the worksheet fuck the grammar let’s just shoot the shit. but none of them want to speak to me#also the ones who know i know japanese just speak japanese to me so i just stare at them blankly#at least in the us there were limits to the shit we cld say abt teachers in class because everyone was speaking english#to be fair i really struggle w conversational jpn & slang so most of the time i rlly don’t get the nuances#of what they’re saying to each other. and i can’t respond well at all. but i get the gist#its hard bc i’m new and also paired with new teachers for some classes so they don’t respect any ‘authority figure’ in the room#but like come on. don’t bully me.#i think part of the problem is there’s actually literally no consequences for anything. no detention or suspension or calls to parents#or getting benched for sports matches. which i think would actually get them to care#cuz there are things that technically i could try to do but there’s no way to actually enforce anything#idk. thinking out loud. the classes that have been decent & engaged have been super fun for me and energizing#but the others are rlly tough like so tough.#okay sorry i know no one cares
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sometimes it really is just like. is this all there is. feeling oversensitive & undersocialized—too sensitive to socialize—forever, bc you never got enough ~affirmation~ growing up (poor, pathetic baby; how long will you persist in singing the same self-pitying song…), & so never developed the proper emotional cushioning against the heartache & the thousand natural shocks, &c, &c, &c, &c, &c…
#like—you can't get close to people if you're too raw to bear the inevitable grit of misunderstandings and small incompatibilities#we all fail one another. sometimes in a myriad of small ways‚ sometimes in big ones—#sometimes you and people you care about are simultaneously failing each other on separate but parallel tracks#and ultimately you have to be able to bear that and keep reaching out to people anyway‚ as you hope they will to you#and i just. i need so badly for something—someone—to be new and good and an easy fit‚ because i haven't got trying in me#but also frankly i wouldn't trust anything like that if it appeared to me‚ at this point#molly grue voice how dare you come to me now &c#i'm a fussy person whose capacity for delight has drained away#and i think it's SO important to be kind and yet still so often i don't manage it#despite biting my tongue SO often that it hurts‚ which has taught me to feel there's nothing acceptable abt my own reactions#and i never MEAN to be pompous or dickish or whatever but caring about precision and conscientiousness and whatnot isn't in fashion#so i'm pretty sure that's how i come off to most people#and there's no prospect of anything changing and it's just like. sometimes in the night i think. well. i'm basically already dead then.#like. the last‚ i don't know‚ almost-decade at this point has been a slow painful process of sinking ever deeper into exile#stripping away various social positionalities and connections in trade for—nothing.#alien nation.#all the norms are shit but outside them—what is there.#anyway.#feelingsblogging
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Something I can't help but think is a little funny is that so many people look at Gabriel and try to figure out why he Acts Like That and they give him a mental illness/disorder they either have or have experience with. Anyways my working theory is that its low empathy autism
#i think like. okay you know how hakita literally took the time to explain during the dev stream recently that like#that gabriel audio on ferrys ship was to show how he acts to most people and not when hes fighting someone#and hes nice! hes polite!#i think gabriel is generally a nice guy but he has low empathy and struggles with black and white thinking#i think every time he had a realization hey maybe this thing me and the council is doing is fucked up one of them is able to convince him#its not because theyre the supreme authority in gods absence and god would approve and god is good#but gabriel would still feel deep down that something is wrong but wouldnt DO anything abt it#not trying to absolve gabriel of all the shit he was complacent in its more like. i do think the idea of him having black and white thinkin#and looking the other way when it comes to other angels doing bad because of course theyre good is an interesting thing to explore#i am putting this guy under a microscope. essentially.#also ive seen people say he has bpd and i dont know enough abt that to weigh in. also too busy shooting him with the autism ray
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