#also I am back on gabapentin (yay) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rulesforthedance · 6 months

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Every morning I wake up and immediately think, Next Year, I Am Going To Run Fifty Miles; I Gotta Get Ready

#I love being obsessed with something it makes me excited about life #it just took setting an insane goal to get me obsessed with running again #I am still running very little because of ITBS but it is gradually getting better #so I am gradually running more #and doing so much biking and strength training in the meantime #also I am back on gabapentin (yay)#(this time just 300mg in the evening for restless legs #instead of 1200mg a day for a debilitatingly painful nerve injury)#and it makes my dreams nicer #so I have been having lots of running dreams instead of dreams about #forgetting to care for my pets or being abandoned by my girlfriend or family

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ruthniss · 8 months

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Have a orthopedic appointment next week and I can't stop obsessing over it. My hubby went and scheduled it since I have been in the wheelchair for a while now and my knee is just getting worse. Which is fair.

But like. I am always scared of the doctor being ablesit or fatphobic.

"Why don't you exercise more?" Because it either feels like knives, or sets me back for days?

"Every extra pound is like x more pounds on your knees" I'm in a wheelchair taking about 50 steps a day maybe. Not it.

Also I may suck at describing pain levels and have no idea how to get it across. Yay, autism...

At least hubby will be with me but like... I dont even know my desired outcome. Except maybe changing off Gabapentin and a parking pass? Idk.

Thanks the not so void of Tumblr for letting me screm a bit.

#chronic pain #physical disability #physically disabled #spoonie #ambulatory wheelchair user #actually autistic #disability

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inherstars · 26 days

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Personal weirdness.

Weird week. Had my annual "well woman" exam, with a description of issues that the doctor seemed to find concerning, or at least worthy of interest, so now I'm being plugged full of hormones to try and set things right. Looking forward to being absolutely bugshit insane for the next couple weeks. *thumbs up emoji*

Also got scheduled for one of those awful ultrasounds where they blow you up like a water balloon. So that's fun. 2024 is really my year so far.

My Mom has been hitting the gabapentin hard, going back and forth between being completely incoherent, angry, and sweet and contrite, and I never know which version of her I'm going to get until she starts sending me texts.

Her complaining that "my phone isn't working" / "The TV is broken" are the two biggest indicators that she's high as a fucking kite, because she sits there and mashes the buttons, having no idea what she's doing, and fucks things up. Yesterday, somehow, she swapped the remotes from the living room and the bedroom, and was using the wrong one in the living room, which was causing both TVs to get completely fucked up.

She was also a bit more lucid yesterday, but still managed to drop an entire pizza on the floor (after trying to serve it on a decorative charger plate, which... I still don't understand), and was trying to convince me there was something wrong with her phone, and THAT was why all the texts she sent me were complete gibberish.

She complained that she hasn't been right since she was in the hospital, overlooking the fact that she's been self-medicating again since being released.

I am tired.

The cats have also had various levels of stomach upset for about a week now, which has been upsetting. Link -- previously healthy -- lost 2 lbs at his most recent exam, so he's in a "feed him a bit more and see what happens" period before we bring him back for another weigh-in. His bloodwork came back, like, 99.9% clean, so the next step would be an ultrasound.

We're a little past the one-year anniversary from vomit-gate 2023, in which all of the cats got mysteriously sick over a period of like 3 weeks, and then gradually recovered. We still have no idea what caused that.

But bellies seem to be back in order. Stinky poops have diminished to at least normal stink levels, and everyone is eating down to the bottoms of their bowls again.

In more positive news, we got the apple trees moved into a new "temporary" greenhouse last week, during a brief break in the weather, and I've been hand-pollinating the blossoms as they open. We're still probably a week or two from more of them opening appreciably, but it's nice to see things moving along.

The contractor finished fixing the walls in the pantry (yay!) which means that this weekend's primary focus is going to be priming and painting the walls, then replacing everything where it needs to go. Next week (assuming it didn't break in transit), he'll be replacing the solid pantry door with a half-light door, which should allow sunlight to enter through the back door and shine into the kitchen. I'm really excited to see how that looks, which is also why I want to pick a nice color for the pantry walls; it's a kind of "throw-away" room, but it will reflect a lot of light and color.

Since we'll have the paint supplies out already, my hope is to tape up the 2nd floor bathroom and finally get that painted, as well.

I'm knocking around ideas of what to bake and cook but, to be honest, with as much work as we'll be doing I'm probably going to be too knackered to do anything too fancy. But once the kitchen is cleaned and back and order, I've got plenty of time to put bread or bagels on in the morning.

I've also spent most of this week either writing or plotting, which has been really nice. I started outlining what was going to be a quick follow-up to the fairy thing I posted earlier, but it got longer and more involved, and now I want to stitch the two parts together. The first part is going to require some additional work to fill it out, which is fine.

Finishing the outline and starting on the actual writing is on my to-do list for the day.

Time to get on that.

EDIT: No sooner did I hit 'post' then she sent me a text complaining that her TV remote isn't working.

EDIT: Five minutes later and she called me in a panic, asking if her surgery is today. Whoo boy. Don't do drugs, kids.

#personal

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hannahxxashley · 3 years

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Gabapentin has seriously been working hard on my b/p urges. I only b/p ONE FREAKING DAY last week. That’s insane. I haven’t been able to do that in..........forever. There was a short time when I lived in Austin (about 8 years ago now) before my life went to total shit where I went 2 months without b/p. Since then, I have gone through various stages where I b/p either every day or a few times a week and before that was the really dark time when I was b/p 15 hours a day, every single day. So this is crazy.

Headache update: I’m still getting headaches so I went back to the doctor. They seemed like they were getting better but then for the past week, I’ve gotten them every single day and the 900mg gabapentin wasn’t helping as much. She moved my gabapentin dosage up to 1800mg but I’m not taking the full 1800. She did that so I would have some wiggle room to play around with the dosage on my own and see if I can find a sweet spot. She knows how conscious I am of what’s going on with my body and how medications affect me that she trusts me to play around with the dosage without her guidance. She knows I spend hours upon hours researching about things so I know everything there is to know basically. 😂 so I’ve moved up from 900mg to 1200mg (400mg 3 times a day). So far it’s helping. The only problem is that I will get a headache shortly after I wake up and I can’t take my gabapentin right after I wake up because I have to take my morning vitamins first thing so I can eat right after. I have to take magnesium twice a day and magnesium can’t be taken with gabapentin because it decreases how much gabapentin is absorbed. So I have to wait two hours after I wake up and take my vitamins to take the gabapentin. And then I have to wait for that to kick in, which usually takes an hour or two, before I will get relief from my headache.

I tried taking the gabapentin first and waiting two hours to eat and take my morning vitamins but that is too disruptive to my routine. And I can’t wait two hours to take my magnesium because it’s in gummy form so I have to chew it and if I’ve already eaten my morning meal and then I have to chew those up 2 hours later, it’s distressing to my eating disorder because I will get these air bubbles trapped in my stomach after I chew something (this is why I will NOT chew gum either). I have difficulty burping these air bubbles out so I have to take all my gummy vitamins with my meals. 🤦🏻‍♀️ yay eating disorders right? Lol. I also refuse to change supplements because I did enough of that last year, making all these changes to my supplements, and it just made things worse. Plus, I can’t take my gabapentin with my meal because I eat yogurt and drink Orgain and dairy is an antacid and will decrease how much gabapentin is absorbed.

So I guess as it stands, I have to deal with an annoying headache for a few hours every morning until my gabapentin kicks in. 😒 but that’s progress so I will take what I can get at this point.

#ed recovery #eating disorder #anorexia #bulimia #osfed #ednos #headaches #chronic headaches #update

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hazard-and-friends · 4 years

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Week 10

Crate rest continues.

Now almost 2 weeks in, and Hazard’s shot-and-drug-induced sloth has mostly worn off. He keeps trying to play and do zoomies but, poor guy, I won’t let him. We’ve been doing some training, but that’s hard when I’m working full time and am exhausted each night.

@mylordshesacactus has been bearing the brunt of this, but says he loves taking his meds and will crate easily and laaargelly without complaint

separation anxiety: he has 90% stopped vocalizing when I leave! admittedly I’ve been leaving him with Jo, but this is still massive improvement and I’m so proud of him.

at night: goes in for his 11 pm dose of gabapentin and goes right to sleep, no complaining, I love him so much

bowel movements: back on track, aka “intermittently and massive amounts”, because he’s an asshole. but there’s nothing concerning or abnormal about it, he just stores it up for 1-2 days and goes all at once.

bell: no more peeing incidents, and also he tried to use it to go out and yell at a dog today (buddy.), so that’s all fine.

weight: back down to where he was when I got him! yay! part of the 46 lb weighin was definitely water/poop weight, but also he is noticeably slimmer now. not going to fuss with this too much as his activity level is nil (and also he’s lost all muscle tone, poor guy).

snuffle mat: HE LOVES IT. OH MY GOD. HE LOVES IT SO MUCH. dinners are from the snuffle mat when I have the mental energy to do it, because it’ll only take about 1/6 of a cup of food, which means his dinner is 3-4 rounds of filling it.

training: back in action! working really hard on leave it--which is SO HARD for him oh my god. I cannot wait until he’s healthy enough to use all that enthusiasm for some forward-motion tricks instead of all this impulse control shit (which, yes, will come in handy at that point).

handling: did some work. not a major focus at the moment, although the perennial project is “please don’t stick your tongue up my nose/in my ears/on my eyeball”.

#training log #july 2020 #hazard to society

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compo67 · 7 years

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jewel of renaissance architecture

i have a Rick Steves dvd about Tuscany on in the background. his voice has always been super soothing to me.

it’s long been a dream of mine to go to europe. particularly italy, greece, spain, france, and the UK.

maybe after i graduate grad school.

it’s been a helluva day

yesterday, i felt kinda tired but not bad. and my friends invited me to a cemetery walk

how could i say no?!?!

unfortunately, i hadn’t planned on going on a cemetery walk so i didn’t really have many layers on or the right shoes and hadn’t expected to be walking on gravel and grass

so even with my cane and taking it slowly, it did not go well for me

pain set in at about six this morning, in a way that was so intense, i was just sobbing and unable to move

thankfully, i had stayed over at my mom’s and she helped me get warm and calm down until the advil kicked in

also, her dog stayed with me and was my tiny furnace

i drove back, napped, went to my chiro, napped more, ate some frozen pizza and grapes, napped more, and then went out to have a small writing session with G

i was well enough to have dinner with her and write 200 words of my RBB but that was it

i came home and put the finishing touches on a watercolor

and now here i am, writing here to just... process things

it’s super frustrating to not be able to do the things people around me can

or that i can’t do things spontaneously anymore

i have to plan way ahead of time to make sure everything is in place

i feel like the gabapentin has been helping though

i’m nervous about asking my doctors about renewing my handicap placard

but, writer after i wrote that sentence, i popped over to the e-message thing and wrote an email asking my rheum if she’d renew it

hopefully she writes back tomorrow

if she doesn’t write it, i’ll ask my fibro specialist

and if she doesn’t... i wonder if my chiro can

sigh. i’ll figure it out somehow.

my sister and i are planning a three day trip to denver in november

i’m excited but also exhausted so it’s hard to be excited

i listened to some spooky episodes of the history podcast i follow

research for my RBB

which i started! yay!

i have about a month to write it

i can’t imagine what it’s like living in italy and just... being used to the sights. like eh no big deal, same piazza, same countryside

pain is slowly increasing. time for my aleve pm and sleep.

hopefully, tomorrow after my massage, i get to write.

or sleep. sleep is good too.

i should break out my heated blanket this weekend.

nini, y’all.

#compo67 #personal #authorial rambles

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shadowpyxy · 5 years

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Rambling Musings 2019-1

Welp. Happy New Year, y’all. A quick update below the cut for those interested. Mostly quick, anyway.

*

Divorce is final. Sucks, mostly. By the end of the process, I was more than ready for my ex to get out of my house. As the months and days dragged on, it became more and more obvious that our priorities were no longer in sync. The longer she’s gone, the more I wonder if we ever were truly on the same page. At the same time, we are actually rebuilding our friendship, which took a few hits before she moved out.

Therapy is going well. Mostly. (Lots of my life right now is “mostly.”) I have a good therapist who helped me through the divorce. Now we see if she’s able to help with trauma. If not, no harm/no foul. I’ll find another therapist that is experienced with trauma and keep plugging along. Still not sleeping well, although my mood and anxiety meds are working alright. I see my doc and my psych this week, and I’ll bring up going back on gabapentin at night to help with the insomnia.

Kids are doing fine. Homeschooling is still bloody fucking hit and miss; we are making progress. Kids’ therapist might just need a swift kick in the pants, though. Apparently, I am the person responsible for making sure my (adult) children stay on task and keep their shit together. HELLO!! I can’t even keep my shit together. I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to keep their shit straight. smh

And it’s not because they aren’t trying. We have a plethora of chronic mental illnesses in the household with spikes of acute symptoms. PTSD, depression, anxiety, autism spectrum (and all that it entails)... These are not anything to sneeze at; they can’t simply be dismissed or pushed aside. They have to be worked through, coping skills learned (and relearned), etc. We literally have to relearn basic life skills when shit hits the fan. And being homeless qualifies, even 2+ years later. Throw in the US government shutdown over that stupid ass wall, and I get thrown for a loop which throws the kids for a loop. We rely on the VA, food stamps, medicaid, and housing. Without those.... Whoops, back on the street with no where to turn we go.

On the physical health front, I’ve been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome. Good news is I know my triggers, and (mostly) how much of what I can eat vs not eat. Wheat happens to be a biggie on the trigger scale. (Yay me.) Which is so much fun when poor and/or with a weakness for pastries. I’m starting physical therapy for knee and lower back pain in April. If the pain and limited range of motion remain, right now I use braces on both knees (especially in the cold), I’ll apply for disability.

Formal work is still a no-go. For some reason, I doubt anyone will hire an overweight middle aged woman with a penchant for not taking anyone’s shit and gives no fucks. /sarcasm Especially when that penchant manifests as threats of bodily harm and death to customers, peers, and supervisors should they wax particularly asinine. Seriously. When my PTSD is in hypervigilant mode, I yell obscenities and threats at stupid ass drivers who blow red lights, cut too close to me or the kids in crosswalks, yell out their windows or lay on their horns to watch us jump, etc. Which in Albuquerque, NM is about 40-60% of drivers, depending on the day. My sister won’t let me borrow her baseball bat, either. She says we don’t have bail money (not wrong). *le sigh* ;)

Found my old notes for Dragon Age and FFXIII/HopuRai stories in a box that had been sitting in my closet for who knows how long. I’m also getting back into game development. Writing mojo is hopefully making a resurgence. I’ve missed it.

Anyway, that’s about it. I will continue to reblog political, creative, and just plain cute/cool posts. I hope to have something new on the fanfic front within the next few months.

Thanks for staying with me. Ciao. :) <3

#rambling #musings #First one in a long while

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hazard-and-friends · 4 years

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Week 9

2 months! I went back to work! He started crate rest for heartworm! Fun times.

For 3 very fun days he was on 200 mg gabapentin 3x daily and was higher than a kite. Now he’s back to 100mg/3x day + 50mg trazadone/2x day + 100mg prednisone 2x day (until tomorrow and then it’s just evenings, yaaay).

Tuesday was the shot! He came home and just crashed. The vet told me he howled all day, poor lad--the separation anxiety. Fortunately it didn’t spill over into his attitude towards his crate.

Since then, he’s been noticeably feeling bad, beyond the effects of the drugs. Today was the first night he tried zoomies, for which he spent an hour in his crate. He’s been outside for no more than 5 minutes at a time.

He also didn’t poop between Tuesday and Friday, which is when I fed him half a can of pumpkin--so Saturday he pooped approximately 50 times :)

As far as the crate: meds 4 times daily means 4 times to practice crating, which he laaargely does on his own. Bedtime can still be a sticking point, but at the moment all I need to do is touch him and he goes in on his own, which is great. He’s also all-but-entirely stopped vocalizing at night! Yay!!

I’ve had 5 days of work and so far it’s going really well. @mylordshesacactus comes over before I leave, and my departure can be reduced to 1 whine in the crate if I make sure he’s not still wound up from her arrival. And then after about an hour he can be let out and be calm!! He’s very happy to see me in the evenings but not horrifically exuberant, which is very very good. So the “crate rest” is largely not in the crate, which is of course excellent for him. Instead he likes to sleep in his bed. Also she’s had no trouble getting him in his crate when necessary--good good!!

As far as the rest of the separation anxiety, everything has screeched to a halt, again, because working 40 hours in the last 6 days (48 hours in 7 days tomorrow :c) after 3 months off is hell.

Bell: He knows what it is and how to use it to go outside, but also peed inside twice. Really not clear if this is “didn’t properly associate the bell with needing to pee, specifically” or if it’s “feel very bad :c”

Weight: it TURNS OUT that his half cup scoop is actually a cup scoop, what the HELL, so that explains many things. Also have gotten him a snuffle mat (yay!) so dinner takes forever and can be much smaller. We’ll see.

Handling: Dremeled his nails quite short on Monday and am now going back to the idea of “lay in front of me, get treats shoveled in your facehole”

Training: On pause. Work sucks.

#training log #hazard to society #july 2020

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