#all of this bc someone asked me an innocent question about eleven and i was gonna copy n paste something but then i was like. hold up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yesimwriting · 3 years

Note

Hello! Your Nikolai fic tranquility is so beautiful! Can you write more for Nikolai? Maybe the opposite with reader having a nightmare? Or whatever you want just please give me more! If you have a tagging list I'd love to be included btw :)

A/n hii!! first off,, thank you! i was a little nervous about writing him for the first time,, but i love him so much (even though i love a good villain/morally grey character in love i think nikolai would probably make the least toxic bf in the grishaverse lol)

you gave me a little too much freedom here lol bc i have so many ideas for him!! lowkey might need to give him a longer fic/series soon when i catch up with requests!! WOW THIS FIC IS SO LONG AND FOR WHAT

Summary: Reader is a handmaid who has grown up assisting Nikolai. Through the years, the two have developed a special relationship that most definitely breaks royal protocol--they’re best friends and rivals on a good day, and dangerously close to being something more the second either of them is remotely upset or extremely happy. Learning about the fact that Nikolai was almost engaged to Alina (a good friend of yours) and being reminded of the fact that as royalty Nikolai has many prospects (both serious women worthy of his title and women only suitable for trysts meant to relieve tension) has you both realizing something you should have years ago.

Word count: 31210

Warnings: disclaimer--may not be the most cannon thing ever,, but i wanted the ‘child of the help competes and falls in love with the child of royalty’ energy okay?? Lol

I could do a whole blurb series with this dynamic nikolai x reader,, like just stories of them growing up together and randomly realizing they might like each other romantically?? I probably shouldn’t rn but i ADORE this trope.

The perfection of the room is disappointing. Idle hands, idle thoughts--so I work to smooth out a perfect duvet. Still, the thoughts come--aggressive and unavoidable. It’s silly, maybe even sad, to feel possessive over something that’s never been yours, something that could never be yours, but the harder I fight off the feeling the stronger it grows. Jealousy is a weed growing quickly in my chest, vile roots planted firmly in my heart.

Normally my favorite part of the day would be waiting for Nikolai to return to his room in the palace after dinner and his evening duties. He’s always a bit softer in the evenings, during my last check-in of the day. I’m normally thrilled to be done organizing his room early because that means the second he arrives there will be no distraction. Most evenings, he’ll find me perched in the seat by his bed, reading. He’ll mock-scold me for daring to defy his orders and reading ahead from the book we both take turns reading aloud from each night. He then warns me that I better react exactly the way I did when I first read it or else. That threat is always followed by a gentle laugh.

Tonight I’m in no mood for our nightly banter or even our nightly reading. My mother had warned me of the dangers of getting too comfortable with the royal family. I should have heeded that warning when she first gave it to me, the morning she found Nikolai and I fast asleep on a couch in the library as children. The palace likes to bring up the children of the staff by training them to attend to the next generation of royals. It makes the staff more efficient, a lifetime of knowing what someone wants makes you better for them. It also creates some level of connection, making betrayal a little less likely. Nikolai and I might have taken it farther than most. But now I want a reminder of the way we’re supposed to be--maybe if I detach now the bleeding of my heart won’t kill me. That has to remain secret, because if I explain it to Nikolai something in me will break. The one line between us will be crossed.

This will be the sixth secret I’ve kept from Nikolai in my entire life.

The secrets:

I don’t know why I was picked for Nikolai. I wasn’t particularly skilled, but still, the day came when my mother was told that I now worked directly for the Lantsov boy. It’s an honor, a true one, but my mother had been a little nervous. To whom much is given, much is expected--and I detested Nikolai. Not for being a prince, but for being a prince who thought girls couldn’t race or fight.

The day my mother came looking for me because I never showed up for dinner and she found Nikolai and I attempting to fight in the way only a ten-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would, she had looked truly mortified. Nikolai had only laughed, either oblivious to my mother’s embarrassment or uncaring about it. He had then hugged me--an expression of care that had left me reeling. I saw him more as a rival than someone to tend to, but in that moment I saw him as a friend. Even more so when he told me he didn’t want me to go yet and that he was upset that so much of the day had been wasted by studies that kept him with boring people and away from me. And then he invited me to his lessons--my mother was quick to attempt to decline politely, but the desires of a prince at any age outweigh that of a mother.

After that, everyone kind of just stopped trying to remind us of our propriety. The tutor at first was concerned about my presence, but Nikolai remained stubborn. I wasn’t a big enough deal to cause an argument, so I began to attend lessons with him almost every day, only staying away when my mother needed aid with laundry or cleaning. His parents must have been somewhat aware of our friendship, but they must have been oblivious to our closeness because it was never mentioned.

My mother’s worry began to ease, she’d even started to take some pride when I’d come to our room proudly proclaiming that I scored two marks higher than Nikolai. She did, however, warn that it might be more tactful to let him score higher.

The comment was casual, just a suggestion, but it left me feeling wrong. It was the first time since we met that I had thought about our different statuses. I didn’t tell him--and that was the first secret I ever kept from him.

As we grew, we traded physical competition for academic rivalry, trying to best each other in both lessons and games of strategy like chess and cards. But with growing comes responsibility. Nikolai started to have obligations that were meant to be private. I couldn’t follow him at all times. But he’d always come back from locked door meetings grinning like he carried schoolyard gossip instead of government secrets. He shared everything with me, even when I playfully warned against it.

He’d always step closer when I teased that perhaps he shouldn’t tell me everything. And then he’d say, “If I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone--and I don’t want to live in a world like that.” Often, he’d give my hand a light squeeze before moving on like he had not said anything intimate.

On a day in which Nikolai was in one of those meetings, I became a woman. When I first saw the blood, I had been horrified--but my mother was quick to explain that it was natural. She said that I was now a woman, a wonderful thing, really--but a thing that came with obligations. She told me that I could no longer have the impromptu ‘sleepovers’ with Nikolai unless he ordered it. I told her he’s never ordered me to do anything for him.

She didn’t ease, something in her had started to become nervous again. My mother had recently started to act the way she did when Nikolai and I first became friends. I didn’t want to fall asleep in Nikolai’s bed while I was bleeding, but I didn’t want to never have another sleepover with him again. Especially not when she refused to explain why being a woman changed so much.

I had decided to avoid Nikolai as much as possible until the sting of my mother’s new rule faded. Unfortunately, that night Nikolai was extra talkative--excited as he insisted I stay for a little longer. Soon, I found his familiar good naturedness melting away my nerves and before I knew it I was laughing in the middle of the night. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, I had moved from the chair, ready to head back to my room.

Nikolai had looked at me oddly before he asked why would I leave so late when it would be easier for me to just sleepover? It was an innocent question, he did not know about my change and I had wanted to keep it that way.

I tried playing coy, but Nikolai has always had a talent for getting around my better judgement. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but I remember him standing in front of me. It was the first time I noticed how much had actually changed over the years--he was now taller than me for the first time in his life. His hair had started to grow a little longer, golden and soft-looking--and his face seemed much more angular. But he had not lost his boyish charm.

“Y/n?” My name fell softly from his lips, and that was the first time I had ever noted the fullness of them. I didn’t understand why I considered that something worth noting. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

Perhaps I had been a little curt--nerves and hormones had left me not feeling like myself. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding, I couldn’t. That became the second secret I kept from him--but I did tell him that my mother had told me I was a woman now, and that women can’t have sleepovers. Not with those of the opposite gender. I made no effort to hide my confusion because I expected him to be as perplexed as I was. But he was not confused--in fact, he had the audacity to laugh. My face flushed, but I did not know why.

“Why is that funny?” Maybe he thought I was still too much of a child to be considered a woman. I assumed it a fair assumption, I had not grown the way he had--my shoulders had not become sturdier and I had not become particularly broader. Still, I would rather melt into the floor than tell him about the reason my mother now considered me a woman. “My mother did say that, and I don’t know what being a ‘woman’ has to do with staying in your room at night.” Something strange had crossed over his features then, something much more brooding than I was used to.

I had blinked at him as unexplained nerves pooled in my stomach. Perhaps that look would have been enough to keep me silent if he had managed to not grin. That self-assured grin that had always challenged me. “Well since you know everything about my mother now, maybe you can tell me why she’s been acting strange. She’s starting to act the way she did when we first became friends.” I expected him to at least pretend to be worried. Perhaps his parents had spoken to her and had mentioned wanting our friendship to end. But his grin had only grown. Pride left me angry. “She did say that I could stay if you ordered it--but I’m glad you’ve never ordered me to do anything, so I can leave right now because you’re acting as odd as her. I don’t understand what you could find funny about our friendship ending.”

He had stopped me from storming out of his room by placing one hand on the wall between me and the door. “Y/n, don’t be cross--I’ll explain it all, I promise.” Angry pride made me want to storm away from him, but curiosity and something unknown and warm kept me in place. “Do you remember when we read the play about the rival families, how the two main characters had kissed?”

I remembered that part of the play especially well. The concept of kissing so casually, outside of marriage, had been jarring to me. “Yes.”

“Now that we’re older, your mother must be worried that we might do that.” He paused before leaning against the arm he placed on the wall to keep me from leaving a little more. “Kiss.”

The clarification was not needed--in that brief pause, I had allowed myself to imagine no distance between our lips. Something in me burned with embarrassment when I realized that some part of me found the thought appealing. The only thing I wanted in that moment was assurance that Nikolai would never know I felt that. That was my third secret, and the weight of it was heavy against my chest.

Still, though, all of my confusion had not yet left. “Is there much harm in a kiss?”

The question had left an odd smile on his lips. “There’s potential harm in what it could lead to for the woman, but not so much for the man.” He exhaled slowly as my face tensed. He could always read me too well because he was quick to add, “What it could lead to isn’t a bad thing, it’s meant to be pleasurable, but it’s serious.” I did not understand, but a part of me was starting to grow okay with that. Nikolai’s voice had started to become lower than ever, and his gaze remained tense. Perhaps if I accepted the confusion for now, things could go back to normal. If the conversation ended, I could stop thinking of his lips and his hands and what it would mean for them to touch me. “It’s considered a vice, like drinking or gambling.” The additional comment helped more than it should have. A vice--not scary and not painful, but not something to indulge in. That’s enough explanation for now. “If you want to know, I won’t deny you.”

I appreciated the offer tremendously. The vice that comes after kissing is clearly something that’s been intentionally kept from me. It’s something he was privy to that I was not, and he offered it to me like so much else. But if knowledge that my mother feared us kissing made me think of his lips, then I doubted I could handle knowing what comes after kissing.

“I’ll let you know when I want to know, but I appreciate the offer.” It felt like a fair response. His snarky grin came back immediately. Irritation rooted itself in my stomach. I hated not knowing more than him for once, but I still had one question I could not relinquish. “But what does that vice have to do with orders?”

At that, his smugness faltered. “It’s not unheard of, for princes and handmaids--for a prince to obligate a handmaid in order to fulfill his vice. Though many handmaids fill the vice of their own will for benefits.

The explanation left him like a confession. I didn’t understand his hesitance--it’s not like he’d ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Even when I worked, he was hesitant to ask me to go out of my way to bring him a glass of water. And I couldn’t imagine gaining anything from offering Nikolai something I didn’t really understand. I wasn’t naive to the fact that my life had more privileges than many palace servants. “Oh.”

His eyes hardened. “You know I’d never--”

“I know.” It was finally easy to smile again. “I never thought otherwise.” Something in him seemed to ease at that, his eyes went from hard to warm in less than a second.

I had no more questions for him and I was also no longer a flight risk, but Nikolai did not move. He did not step back to create a more appropriate distance and he did not drop his arm. His gaze, however, did move--dropping downwards, and slightly away from my eyes. I did the same, my eyes falling to his lips.

The silence between us began to make me feel like something in me was in danger of overflowing. “Then I guess my mother is once again worrying for no reason.” Strangely, I did not feel the need to feel embarrassed about staring at his lips. “Because I would never particularly want to kiss you, Nikolai Lantsov.”

The comment was meant to be teasing, a joke to clear away unknown tension. I should have known better than to challenge his pride because he instinctually moved his hand off the wall and beneath my chin. I did not flinch when he tilted my head upwards slightly with his fingers. “I could get you to want to kiss me if I wanted to.”

Three secrets in one night. I did not think I could bear a fourth one. “Hm…” The ground we treaded on felt unstable, but something in me trusted Nikolai to not let me falter. “I should--I should go before I give my mother anymore cause to worry.”

His fingers had brushed down my chin easily as he dropped his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

And that he did. The days passed without mention of the last time he asked me to sleepover. It was as if nothing had changed except now I found myself noting things I most definitely did not want to note. These didn’t feel like individual secrets because it felt easy to group each admirational thought into one secret. Soon, that became my new normal--easy banter, easy touches of hands, and easy yet silent admirations of his beauty.

I never wandered too hard about what the vice that kissing can lead to entailed. I didn't particularly want to know, but knowing that I could ask Nikolai at any time brought a sense of security to me. But besides that, I never thought of that conversation until the day I was asked to look for Nikolai because he was late for dinner.

That in itself was odd, most of the time when Nikolai was late it was because he was with you. I checked his room, two other rooms he was known to frequent, and then finally the library. First, I noticed a handmaid two years older than me. I was finally at an age when one begins to compare their beauty to those around them, and I recognized the girl as gorgeous. She was better endowed than me, physically, and she always seemed fun. And then I noticed Nikolai, standing closer to her than I’ve ever seen him stand to anyone. His expression was serious as the girl giggled.

Nikolai’s expression shifted from tense to shocked when he saw me. “Y/n.”

It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize what I had interrupted. Guilt and jealousy were quick to twist in my stomach. “Dinner--your parents sent me to look for you.”

He was quick to walk around the girl, who was quick to glare at me. I attempted to disappear down the hall after mumbling a quick apology, but Nikolai was faster than me.

“Y/n,” he did not hesitate to grab my wrist.

It shouldn’t have irked me the way it did, after all, neither of us had ever really hesitated to touch each other. I had always reached for him when I wanted him, and he had done the same. But the thought of the same hands that touched the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on me left me bitter in a way I didn’t understand.

Still, I pushed through all of that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, your mother asked me to look for you because she assumed you’d be with me when you were late to dinner. I didn’t think that there’d be--”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” The words came out flat as his eyes took on the same quality they did the night he explained my mother’s concern to me. “Valaria wishes there was something to interrupt, but there wasn’t.”

Oh. I refused to let the correction inflate me. “Would you like me to not come to your room tonight?”

The offer felt awkward to make. “No,” the answer came quickly, “In fact, go there now--I want to see you right after dinner. I’ve missed you today.” The instruction left my face feeling warm. “We could read an extra chapter of our book if you’d like.”

Despite myself, I grinned. “Yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

True to his word, Nikolai was quick to return to his room. He had come back to me eagerly, going out of his way to squeeze my shoulder as he entered the room.

I opened the book to the chapter we had left off on, but before I could start reading, Nikolai stopped me. “Sit next to me?”

The question came softly. It had been some time since we sat next to each other on his bed. Still, I moved off of the chair and to his bed. Something in me longed for the familiar closeness of childhood. I allowed him to play with my fingers as I read.

“You know you could take one night off from me if you wanted to.” The admission left me softly, part of unsure if he was still paying attention to my words. “She was pretty, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if you told me you wanted me to not come tonight.”

Nikolai exhaled easily, squeezing my fingers once. “I said I wanted to see you and I meant it.”

It took all of my energy to push past the way his words made my stomach leap. “In general, if you ever--”

Nikolai cut me off by laying his head on my lap the way he used to. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was the first time in years that he spoke to me in a way that acknowledged his authority. “Keep reading please.”

And that was the last time we had ever mentioned other handmaids in that context. The fifth secret I ever kept from him was the way I worried that one day that would change.

The door creaks open while I’m in the middle of fluffing an already pristine pillow. Nikolai steps into the room, but I continue to work.

“Darling,” he breathes too easily, “Today has been painful.” I straighten, looking at him as casually as I can manage. “And now I have to deal with you being mad at me.”

Damn him and his ability to read me with one look. “I’m not mad.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” he sighs, stepping forward, “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

I press my lips together, irrational anger pushing itself into me at an odd angle. “We’ve also known each other too long to keep secrets.”

His eyebrows draw together, a look so quizzical I’m reminded of our schooling days. “What secrets have I kept from you?”

Mentioning that had been a mistake. I exhale as flatly as possible. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” My dismissal only has Nikolai’s expression hardening. I drop my gaze. “Unless you need something, I’m retiring my services for the evening.”

I take a reluctant step towards the door, eyes attached to the floor. “Y/n,” his voice is gentle. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Please let that be at least somewhat believable. “I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself in the morning.” I take another step, a little more assured. Nikolai’s hand is on my shoulder before I can escape. “Nikolai--”

“Y/n,” his voice is that of velvet, “I can’t have you be mad at me. Not now.”

Sighing, I meet his gaze. The tiredness I see behind his eyes is almost enough to chase away my nerve. What I’d give to be able to melt into our familiar routine. “Then you should have told me you were almost engaged to a literal Saint--the same literal Saint who’s one of my closest friends.”

Nikolai’s expression shifts as his hand drops from my shoulder slowly, fingers brushing down my arm before he finally intertwines our fingers. I bite my tongue to avoid squeezing his hand, but I don’t move to separate us either. He studies me silently, eyebrows drawn together. The longer he stares, the more whatever turmoil he’s experiencing seems to dissipate. After a minute of silence, I can read his expression perfectly. His lips are pressed together in that coy way--the way he only looks when he’s suppressing a smile.

I loathe him for it. “Nikolai Lantsov, don’t you dare laugh--not after what you did. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have Alina casually mention the fact that you almost married her casually? Like that was common knowledge to everyone but me?”

My words break away the last of his self control. He grins, flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth. “Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to want nothing more than to see you and then you let me believe something may actually be wrong when the only issue is your jealousy?”

The amusement in his tone is like poison to me. I find the strength to jerk my hand away from him. “I am not jealous.” He laughs; I am further enraged. “I am not.” The genuineness of my anger must finally register on some level, because he tries to suppress his smile. “I have every right to be mad at my best friend for not telling me that he was almost married.”

“We didn’t exactly come close,” he manages, expression still much too light for my taste. “I’m glad for Alina’s sake, I’m not sure being a Saint would be enough to protect her.”

He is infuriating. “I’m not sure anything you have will be enough to protect you.”

Something in his gaze shifts, softening the tilt of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

I don’t know what I expected from him--but not this. I thought he’d be at least somewhat apologetic. “You should have told me.”

“I would have if I felt it was significant.”

“I’m your best friend--your marriage is significant to me. And even though it’s not like you’re engaged to her right now, you should have told me. You know I talk to Alina all the time.”

He sighs once, a hint of apology threatening to ghost over his eyes. “If I knew not knowing would have upset you so much I would have told you. I was--I was just so excited to be around you again I didn’t see much relevance in anything that didn’t involve you.”

The intensity that Nikolai regards me with is enough to wither all of my fury. But without my anger, I am left spiraling in emotion that I’ve been pushing against for years. My mother’s warning about relationships with those above us rings in my ears--sharp and headache inducing. I am still when he reaches for my hand again, but I do no allow myself to return the gentle squeeze of his fingers.

“I’m not sure much outside of you has significance.” He’s giving me a look I am familiar with. A look he often uses to chase away my anger.

Without my anger, I have nothing to keep me from melting into him, indulging in his presence fully. It’s so easy with him and I blinded myself to the danger of that. He may not be marrying Alina, but one day he will marry someone. A person worthy of his status--and what would I be left doing? Washing their laundry? Tearing up when I dusted the library and came across a book we had read together? Enough damage has already been done--I need to cut myself with this blade now in hopes of making sure I can one day recover.

He will get married one day, and nothing will be the same. And that’s a good thing--he deserves the love of a princess or queen. I want his happiness, even if it’s not with me. But some vindictive part of me hopes that some part of him will miss me. That some part of him will be dulled without me.

I’m a fool--he will remember me as the handmaid from his youth. The girl who made him laugh once or twice before he grew up. I force my hand out of his grasp. “You can’t win me over with words every time.” I need to get out of here before he says something that makes me lose all resolve. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be here to prepare you for breakfast.”

“Y/n.”

I step forward, refusing to look at him. “Goodnight.”

He sighs, his hand quick to grab my arm. Before I can question him I feel myself pulled back. I expect him to pull me just close enough so that I have to meet his gaze. He continues, pulling me sharply before placing a quick hand on my shoulder, forcing me down. My back hits his bed.

I sit up as soon as the reality of what just happened seeps into my mind. “Nikolai, what in the Saints--”

“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one.”

I scoff, thoughts of escaping him put on hold by the principle of pride. Fine. I’ll beat him one last time, and then I’ll let us separate. I shove him. He laughs--of course this is funny to him. He got to keep fighting past the age of about eleven. His laughter adds to my anger, I move to shove him again, but he catches my wrist easily. I struggle against his hold, shoving him a third time with my still free hand. He pushes me slightly. That’s all it takes to unleash familiar habits.

Our small fight is hardly fair. He has all the advantage--more training, and he’s standing above me. When I finally make a move that might give me some success, Nikolai leans forward. He practically tackles me, his weight forcing me flat against the bed.

I move an arm, ready to push him off of me. Nikolai snags my wrists, holding them above my head. “This means I win.” I roll my eyes, anger returning.

“Let me go.”

He sighs tiredly, but the smugness radiating off of him is suffocating. “Admit that you were jealous.”

There are a lot of things I am willing to do for him--but never that. I cannot give him the one separation I still have. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you mad?”

I press my lips together. “I told you--”

“Do you really think you could lie to me?”

“You don’t know me that well.”

Nikolai moves his freehand, touching my chin as a way to ask me to look at him. I meet his gaze hesitantly. “Yes, I do, and that’s never bothered you before but it does now.”

Maybe this is a conversation better had bluntly. “It bothers me now because you’re too old to hold onto the daughter of a palace handmaid and I’m too old to pretend that our different statuses don’t matter.”

“Y/n,” he breathes, “Nothing’s changed. Status didn’t matter to me when we were children, and it doesn’t matter to me now.”

“You can afford to say things like that.”

“What good is my title if it means I can’t,” he pauses, eyes hesitant, “If I can’t keep things the same between us?”

I smile, the sadness of the look weighs on me and I can’t even see it. “Nikolai, you always knew things would change.”

“No, I--”

“You can’t tell me you think your future wife would like you having such a close relationship with a handmaid.” I press my lips together. “One day you’ll fall in love and get married and you’ll want me to leave your bedchamber as soon as dinner is over because you’ll be eager to spend time with your wife.” His gaze hardens. “And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thi--”

The last syllable of my sentence dies in my throat. Nikolai, who must be possessed by something, leans down and presses his lips against mine. I beg myself to resist, but his gentleness is everything I’ve ever wanted. He releases my hands in favor of holding my face. That’s all it takes--my hands move without my permission, into his hair--pulling him closer to me. What am I doing? I’m insane. Placing my hands on his chest cautiously, I push just slightly. He’s quick to obey, pulling away while allowing his teeth to brush against my bottom lip.

I gape at him--taking in his now slightly swollen lips. “Nikolai.” He can’t do this to me. We’re friends. Despite the fact that I’ve loved him more than I should--we’re friends. “You’re being extremely unfair.”

He draws his eyebrows together, sitting up quickly and moving off of me. “I’m being unfair? I have spent my entire life loving y--”

I sit up, furious in a new way. “You have not!” This is the dumbest I have ever been. I move to stand, still feeling the softness of his lips against mine.

“Your tooth fell out.” The sharpness of his words forces me to still.

“What?”

I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, but I’ve always been able to feel any heaviness he bears. The weight of it leaves little room for air in my lungs. “You were ten. I told you ‘girls couldn’t fight’ so you punched me in the face. That was the first time we ever fought--I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but you moved. You moved and I hit you in the mouth and your last baby tooth fell out. I expected you to cry or get angry, but you just blinked at me and laughed. You were happy to lose your last baby tooth because it meant you were grown up. And then you smiled and asked me if you looked older. If anything, the gap in your smile made you look younger but I told you that you looked like a grown-up because I wanted you to keep smiling. Because your smile made me feel like I won something.” I turn on my heels, but I cannot meet his gaze. “That was the moment I fell in love with you--so don’t tell me I haven’t spent my entire life loving you.”

The weight of his words is harder to survive against than the heaviness of his feelings. “Nikolai, you know we can’t ever be together--”

“Why not?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I manage, voice low, “You almost married the Sun Summoner--”

“That was political--”

“Exactly, your marriage is meant to be political, and if it happens to be out of love--which is what I hope you get, because it is what you deserve--it will be to someone of status.”

Nikolai stands, the movement is that of a king, not the boy I know. “I do not want status or to love someone else--I want you.”

“I can’t take that from you--”

“You can’t take anything from me because I’ve already given it all to you.”

I press my lips together, heart tearing for him. “I love you too much to ruin you.”

My words seem to snap something in him because his eyes darken, the way he watches me adjusting accordingly. “You can’t ruin something that’s always been yours.”

I let myself smile. At him. At his words. At the foolish hope the child in me has clung to after all of these years. I reach for him thoughtlessly, because I have the right to. Because I’ve always had the right to. He’s quick to respond, kissing me with much more security than before.

This time, he pulls away of his own regard. “You still haven’t admitted that you were jealous.”

His teasing smugness isn’t as sour to me anymore. “I wasn’t.”

Nikolai pulls me towards him easily, lips threatening to brush against me, warm breath against my face. “Are you sure, darling? You were awfully quick to claim what’s yours.”

I roll my eyes, grinning so widely I’m surprised my face doesn’t yet hurt. “You’re the one that fell for a ten-year-old girl with a bloody mouth.”

When he smiles back at me, he places a hand on my hip, pulling me forward slightly. “That I did.” He pulls me forward slightly. "Does this mean you can sleep in here again?"

"If anything, this is more reason for me to sleep in another room." He rolls his eyes, pulling me even closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

Nikolai leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Deal."

tags: @deardiarystuff @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #grisha #Grishaverse #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #shadow and bone netflix

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notgonnarememberthis · 3 years

Text

find your way (back to me) - chapter eleven

I was initially going to hold back on this update until Sunday but y’all already know my impulse control is nonexistent and with the encouragement of new friends (hey naomi and elena!!) I had to go ahead and post. Tried something a little new with this chapter and it focuses a lot on Malcolm and I learned I actually like writing in his POV a lot so that’s new. It also features more Edrisa bc I love her and she’s my best friend’s absolute fav so I had to do them some service after the help with the last chapter which got some of my most insanely complimentary comments. Like one of y’all really commented how I wrote Martin well and I didn’t stop smiling the entire day. That’s fucking insane. Hope y’all enjoy the update and are staying safe!

Gil steps out of the room, exhaustion settling into him. Immediately Ainsley sits up leaning forward with her elbows on her knees.

“How is she? Is she ok?” The drive back from Claremont had been the worst. Jessica had jumped with every siren sounding and in New York? It was a lot. Ainsley held her hand the entire time while Malcolm rocked, his brain firing off at a million miles a minute. Nobody said a word but it was Jessica’s silence that was the most concerning to them.

What the hell happened in that cell?

“She remembered what happened, didn’t she?” Malcolm casts a glance at Ainsley who doesn’t meet his gaze. Gil can only shrug.

“She still hasn’t said anything but something in there definitely got to her. I called Dani and JT. They agreed to be the new details until we can sort out why she got so uncomfortable when we passed the guards on our way out and the drive home.”

“We should go get mom’s things.” Ainsley says. “She only packed clothes. She left all of her products and things she’ll probably need. Who knows how long this stay will last, we should at least make her comfortable.” But she shifts her eyes to the door where Jessica was sleeping, or at least pretending to. She feels guilty for leaving her twice, it’s written all over her face.

“I’ll go.” Malcolm offers. “I feel like we missed something that night. It’ll give me a chance to look again.”

“Hell no.” Gil protests immediately. “I’m not comfortable with you going alone.”

“I’ll bring a detail.” His retort is interrupted by the sound of movement from the other room, like someone shifting around in the bed. Jessica is listening and for whatever reason, she doesn’t like that.

“We can go tomorrow. Right now I want all of us under the same roof.” Malcolm tips his head back, annoyed then rises again with an idea.

“What if I bring Edrisa? She’ll be able to help me look around and we’ll be back before you know it.” No more sounds of ruffling interrupt so Gil has to give in.

“Fine, but I want updates. And if you get even a whiff that something is wrong you two get the hell out.”

“Deal.” Gil sighs as Malcolm rushes off to text Edrisa.

The Whitly’s are going to be the death of him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“This is so exciting.” Edrisa practically bounces with every step up the driveway. “I’ve never actually got to be a part of the actual investigation.” She pauses, a thought interrupting her excitement. “Should I have brought something to defend myself?”

Malcolm smiles, her enthusiasm is refreshing after his day. Honestly, part of him just wanted to talk to her to get some of the weight of the world off his shoulders. For a brief moment this case isn’t a killer threatening his family. It’s just him and Edrisa. “Edrisa, we’re just getting clothes.”

“Are you sure cause I have pepper spray in my car.”

“Yes I’m sure.” He holds the door open for her gesturing to enter. “And besides, you’ve got me.” She beams at that, her pep coming back in full force as she bounds to the kitchen. He follows with a shake of his head.

“Ok, so what are we looking for?”

“Well, my mother drinks tea like most people drink water.” He points to the cabinet where they usually keep it. “It’s her comfort but Gil doesn’t keep tea in the house.” If Edrisa is curious why, she doesn’t show it. His tone is enough and he’s absolutely certain she read the casefile from that night.

Tea was how the surgeon sedated his victims, Gil was almost one of them.

When Edrisa opens the cabinet her eyes widen. The shelves are stacked with bags of tea, neatly sealed with tight creases. “That’s a lot.” She chuckles.

“It’s everyone’s favorites. Chai for Ainsley, the black is mine. She has every worker’s favorites, I think she even managed to get JT’s but don’t tell him that.”

“My lips are sealed. Matcha is my favorite, by the way.” She winks.

“Oh, she knows.” He grins at the wide, starry eyed look she gets. She blushes and clears her throat before turning back to the task. “Mother’s is the earl grey supreme.”

“What’s the difference between that and the earl grey?”

“Honestly?” Malcolm shrugs. “Price, probably.” Often she falls into the trap of the more expensive the better, it makes for an interesting Christmas and a pain in the ass to get gifts for her when she just buys anything she could possibly want on a whim.

Edrisa stops for a second, her posture straightening, and then getting on her tiptoes to see better. Even from behind he can tell she’s got something on her mind. It’s confirmed when she reaches inside pulling out a smaller, black bag. His head tilts because his mother never bought small bags. Even for people that rarely passed through she wanted to make sure they were prepared. Then the label catches his eye, it’s a completely different brand then what she normally buys from. A brand he hasn’t seen in years.

The brand his father likes.

“Where did you find that?” He asks, on edge and looking out the door. The house is silent other than the two of them but that doesn’t mean that can’t change at any second.

“It was on the bottom shelf and it’s open. All the rest are sealed. Why?”

Just like that it all pieces together.

His mother had asked him that night if he made tea. He’d told her no and that made her seem more agitated. At first he thought it was because the killer had made her tea, had been in her room. No, it was much more than that. With Freddy’s connection to Claremont, the ability for the killer to find her bedroom and the kitchen so quickly, and the tea that his father used to make.

“The surgeon. He knows who the killer is.” The rush of emotion the punches him in the chest makes him stumble back against the counter. Edrisa runs to him, one hand on his elbow to steady him. Her presence isn’t enough to tamper the anger thudding in his chest with every heartbeat. He knew. He knew when she was missing. He knows now that her life is being threatened.

He was the one who got her to remember.

“That’s why she’d gone to him. She recognized the tea and didn’t say a word about it. Why didn’t she tell us?” Anger clashes with sadness burning at his retinas. He shuts his eyes tightly pressing the heels of his palm to them trying to get himself back under control.

“Malcolm.” His own name sounds unfamiliar in Edrisa’s voice. She’d always called him Bright. Never Malcolm. “Let’s get her stuff and go. They’ll get worried soon.” Her calmness has him taking a deep breath and nodding. “Good.” She extends her hand to him, it’s an almost childish offer in its innocence. Her hand is something to ground him to the world. It gives him something different to focus on rather than his feelings.

Wordlessly, he takes her hand.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Malcolm and Edrisa arrive the house is more crowded than before. JT is by the doorway with Ainsley and Dani sharing the couch. Gil has made coffee for everyone, certain that it will be a long night all around. They all look relieved to see them but Gil reads it on his face before anyone else.

“You found something.”

“Hooooo, did I find something.” Edrisa lingers next to him, unsure if she should stay or go. She decides on the former when Ainsley scoots on the couch leaving room for her to sit on the end closest to where Malcolm still stood. “Is she awake?”

“Bright, is this a good idea?” Dani asks sitting up a little straighter. He notes that she’s in much more casual clothes, probably looking to rest before trading shifts with JT.

“Nope. But I think she knows who the killer is. And if I’m right?”

“Go. We’ll be right out here.” Ainsley nods, making the final decision.

He shifts the bag over his shoulder opening the door to the bedroom slowly. In the dim light streaming between the curtains he sees his mother sitting on the side of the bed, she’s got something in her hands but it’s too dark to make out.

“Mom?” Her head turns to him, her expression isn’t the blank unreadable one from earlier. No, she looks relieved that he’s back. The news twists uneasily in his stomach as he shuts the door behind him. “Can I ask you a couple of questions?” He doesn’t really expect her to answer. But when her breathing doesn’t pick up or really make any uncomfortable movements he takes it as permission.

He grabs a chair sliding it so that he can sit across from her. Closer he can see how tired she is. Her breakdown likely didn’t help but she definitely didn’t fall asleep at any point in time since she got back.

“Stop me if you need to, ok?” She blinks at him so he continues. “Why did you go see him?” He treads lightly, testing the waters first. An annoyed expression passes over her face but she doesn’t shift or startle. He digs in the duffel he brought along pulling out the bag of tea. “Is this why?”

When her eyes land on the bag she takes a shuddering breath, it’s confirmation enough.

“This was the tea he used to make.” She blinks back the tears, correct again. “This is why you visited him. The killer made you the same tea, you knew he had something to do with all of this.” Her lower lip wobbles but she holds herself tightly wound. “He knew who did this.” The first tear that slides down her cheek makes him feel like the worst. “Do you want me to stop?” She shakes her head, almost imperceptibly. Her hand unfolds and in it is a crumpled note. He takes it, slowly as not to startle her into shutting back down.

Just like you like.

“Did the killer write this?” A nod. Malcolm takes a breath trying not to be frustrated that she kept this from them. Had they known they would have questioned his father so much sooner. The information she knew, it’d be common knowledge. “Thank you.” He says instead, taking her hand and enclosing it in both of his. She’d held his shaking hand like this countless amounts of times, her fingers stroking the back of his hand in the same way he mimics now. “I need you to tell me what he told you.” She starts, but doesn’t pull away. “Please.”

Her voice is deep, more tonal than he’s ever heard come from her. He almost thinks he imagines it. It’s too low to understand what she says.

“What?”

“He’s a cop.” Her eyes meet his, glassy from unshed tears. He smiles at her sadly, too caught up in the fact that his mom is back before the gravity of her words hits him full force.

Oh.

Shit.

#prodigal son #gil arroyo x jessica whitly #jessica whitly x gil arroyo #gilssica #gilica #jessica whitly #gil arroyo #malcolm bright #edrisa tanaka #Ainsley Whitly #prodigal son AU #kidnapped au #notgonnarememberthis fics #find your way (back to me)#find your way (back to me) chapter 11 #you'll take my whitly family parallels over my dead body #fanfic

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poledancingsquid · 4 years

Text

Wicked Game Fanmix

Look I said I’d make this in 2018 and then life was A LOT but I finally finished it today and frankly it’s still my absolute favourite BFU fic.

If you haven’t read Wicked Game go read it ( and send your adoring praise to @mephsation ) If you’re swerving spoilers do NOT read the rest of this yet bc boy am I about the quote the shit out of my favourite fic and also I’ve written a brief summary of every chapter in case people have forgotten.

If you don’t want to read my reasoning and just want the songs here’s a Spotify playlist

So Chapter one: Shane’s just joined the precinct, when Ryan works out the scene they’re at was by a copycat rather than the Lover Shane responds by just saying “You’re Brilliant.”

We’re gonna be friends- The White Stripes, it’s the beginning of Ryan impressing Shane and they’re already conversing easily, honestly this is the chapter I struggled to find a song for the most.

Chapter two: This is where we meet Jess for the first time and find out about her and Shane’s relationship. It’s also when Ryan establishes that the copycat is shorter than the killer so the song I picked was

Looking up- Paramore, granted this is entirely down to the first lyrics being “Things are looking up oh finally” but it’s a banger anyway

Chapter three: This is when Ryan gets the first email. Ryan also nearly gets stabbed and Shane shoots a suspect, the copycat writes ‘he’s not good enough for you’ in blood.

Chic- Leadley primarily for “We could last forever she could last all week” Jess is so sure she’s better suited to Shane than Ryan is.

Chapter four: The second email arrives, explaining that the Lover has killed a man for the first time, the man looks like Ryan.

One More Murder- Better Than Ezra “One more murder in this town don’t mean a thing” which is what Ryan tries to convince himself after a lookalike is murdered.

Chapter five: This is where Ryan first realises he has a crush on Shane, it’s also the chapter with the press conference where the Lover’s sexuality is raised and when Shane admits he’s questioning is sexuality sending Ryan into a slight spiral based on his fear of being outed.

Would you be so Kind?- Dodie I’m not sure who’s POV I think this applies to more at this point.

Chapter six: This is the chapter where Ryan apologises to Shane for his reaction to him coming out, it is also the chapter where an LAPD officer who is the exact same race as Ryan and looks like him is killed, Ryan throws up.

Fear and Loathing- Marina and the Diamonds This is mostly in relation to Ryan’s fears about coming about though I suppose could also be applied to the whole serial killer killing people who are very similar to him thing.

Chapter seven: This is when Ryan and Shane go on their Not! Date that is definitely a date, it ends in their first kiss and Shane blowing him on the couch “Please don’t make me regret this”.

Brilliant Mind- Furniture throughout the fic Shane is constantly fascinated by how ‘brilliant’ Ryan is and this chapter epitomises that. “ You must be out of your brilliant mind”

Chapter eight: Ryan tells Shane about the homophobia he’s experienced in the past, Jess finds out they spent the night together “woke in an empty bed aching for a presence he has no business missing”. Shane is helping a friend clean their apartment so he goes to meet Jess at a bar and gets spiked.

Far too young to die- Panic! at the disco I went with this song because essentially it’s a recurring theme that Ryan almost dies also the obsessive nature of the verses fit in with Shane’s behaviour “ I've never so adored you, I'm twisting allegories now,I want to complicate you, Don't let me do this to myself”

Chapter nine: This is when Ryan wakes up in the hospital, Shane starts to behave oddly and just says he is working on a theory, he also invites himself over to take care of Ryan, Ryan discovers the cleaning supplies in a publi bin. The chapter ends with Shane revealing that Jess is the copycat and the bombshell of “Schmidtt thinks I’m the lover”

If I lose it- Charlie Simpson A little because of the medical stuff at the start of the Chapter a lot because Shane seems so scared for Ryan and ultimately the uncertaintly at the end of the chapter “ I can't tell you what will happen, To us as the days passed, Please just stay with me.”

Chapter ten: Shane plays the recording of Jess, Ryan plans to spend a night with Jess despite everyone telling him not to. Shane begs Ryan not to be scared of him “no more innocents” Jess texts him that she is going to kill someone if he doesn’t come to her immediately, he locked both their guns in the safe so goes unarmed.

Pressure- Paramore this is frankly one of the most stressful chapters to read because Ryan commits dumbassery after dumbassery and I think this embodies that intense STRESS feeling very well

Chapter eleven:Jess is arrested, Shane almost shoots her in full view of the bodycam, Ryan gets shot and Shane is going on trial to ensure Jess pleads guilty.

Coming Down- Halsey This is where Ryan starts to see a possible darker side to Shane “I found the Devil, I found him in a lover, And his lips like tangerine, In his color coded speak”

Chapter twelve: This is when it’s officially revealed that Shane’s a murderer, he stands by no innocents killing Leo Tayler with an axe after he caused the deaths of his children.

Monster- Paramore “ You were my conscience, so solid, now you're like water We started drowning, not like we'd sink any further” this is the point at which Ryan’s conscience is starting to slip (even if it’s giving Shane more of one)

Chapter thirteen: With no more murders they are eventually taken of the Lover case Jess’s trial is over quickly and she pleads guilty, Shane’s trial drags on, Ryan finds out he killed a criminal in one of his first weeks on duty, he’s found not guilty, Ryan sees Shane at the firing range and says that he wants Leo to be dead, he gets home from work to find Shane in his LAPD uniform. The head is delivered to Ryan

Crazy=Genius- Panic! at the Disco, this is a bit of a summary of Shane’s character throughout honestly but also this really feels like the turning point of no return, Shane would do anything for Ryan including murder, and it’s through his ‘genius’ he was found not guilty.

Chapter fourteen: As they investigate Leo Taylor’s murder Ryan begins to suspect Shane, this is where he quizzes Shane, discovers a knife in his home that isn’t his, later whilst investigating the deaths of sex wokers Ryan runs into a building without back up, Shane shoots Douglas and Ryan basically asks him to kill Murray

One Little Lie- Simple Creatures because at this point Ryan basically knows Shane is a murderer he just gets very good at lying to himself “I tell myself one little lie and the pain don’t phase me”

Chapter fifteen: So basically whilst fucking Shane Ryan thanks him for killing Douglas and then he bites him until it draws blood because Shane asked him to/ They manage to book a holiday eventualy, Ryan finds out Shane has a ssecond phone and saves the number. They go literally everywhere Ryan loves: Knotts Berry Farm, A Lakers Game, Disneyland there’s a car crash and Ryan stops to save the victims. Shane admits he wouldn’t have stopped. When they’re due to return to work Shane leaves early. When Ryan gets to work there’s a rung on his desk and email from Shane. He tries to call him on both phones “ I would’ve said yes”

Already Gone- Kelly Clarkson look when I started this playlist this was the only song I was certain was fitting for this particular part of the story because in his own way Shane is trying to protect Ryan by leaving. “ And I want you to know, You couldn't have loved me better, But I want you to move on, So I'm already gone”

Chapter sixteen: Shane watched him for ten years. Ryan remarries after moving to Chicago although he still wears Shane’s ring around his neck. Another killer goes after him. Shane finds out and it culminates in his shooting Weber. Ryan instantly knows it’s Shane and makes a come hither motion.

I felt younger when we met- Waterparks Ryan has had the guilt of hiding what he knows about Shane for a decade, he still cares about him but it kills him inside “ Do you see, You're the reason I can't sleep?, Lose it where your head should be”

Chapter seventeen:Ryan and Shane meet in a bar, Shane tells him the names of everybody he killed, they go home together after Ryan tries and fails ot arrest him, Shane chokes him until he’s either unconscious or dead and turns himself in the next day

Pompeii- Bastille This chapter is straight up just dark nostalgia (which frankly you can inject into my veins) “And if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all” In the dark between my sheets

#Wicked Game #buzzfeed unsolved #buzzfeed unclean #fic #fanmix #shyan #shanexryan #shane x ryan #skeptic believer

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soranihimawari · 3 years

Text

...Chimera & Jackal...

@m0nstergeneration20xx & @sakuric bc my brain said let’s do a sakusa story at midnight.

There is an album in your gym neighbor’s hands. He is clutching on to it like a landline; there is an audible hum rising around him and the scowl he wears deepens.

“If you stare long enough you might turn to stone.”

Your voice crescendos around his aura and he finds himself visibly relaxing. You’ve been in enough classes with him to know the visible signs of a sensory overload break coming through, so you walk toward the information desk in the concourse you’re in, passing the venue banner. you maneuver through the crowd like the worker bee and pretty soon, he understands what you were doing.

When you reach the other side of the concourse, you turn around with an approving bop of your head when your eyes meet. You flash a toothy grin at him and he momentarily blinks. The hands on the album becomes ironclad as he begins the arduous journey to meet you.

“Miss me already?” you chuckle at the way his brow furrows when his cousin snickers at the way you’re slowly changing each other for the better. You let the cousins know you’re heading out after Komori suggests you join them for dinner at the family estate.

“It’ll be fun. It’s scrabble night,” komori informs you. His cousin on the other hand, yells through his eyes at his ex-captain. You entertain the idea of attending, but at the same time, you are considerate to the pillar who seems like he’s about to die of you accept, so you do what you do best: you say a word which is recognized with the scrabble dictionary.

“Adipopexia,” you say the word with ease. Your tone is warm and vibrant, thus causing a small change in tone. You don’t know what kind of game Komori is playing, but you feel he loves to make his cousin a little more accepting of the general public.

“If you’ll excuse me boys, I have a meeting with my thesis sponsor. Text me later if you need me!”

What you don’t see if the way Komori chuckles at how flushed his cousin’s cheekbones turn as you wave from across the promenade on your way to the liberal arts office building.

☆+ ﾟ. ꕤ.+ .ﾟ*.ﾟ｡ﾟ ♡｡. +ﾟ｡

A month passes and finally you stare at the giant iron gate in front of the largest estate you have ever seen. You had half a mind that this was a prank and the tiny houses in the surrounding neighborhood was where the Sakusa/Komori residence truly was. Then you decide to take out your phone from your purse thereby tempting fate when you press the sequence of digits both of them send you (the first time, you thought Komori was really joking, but when your phone receives a confirmation from the other, you close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose.)

Currently, it is eleven thirty on a Saturday morning. You mutter a curse as the gates truly do open before you and you follow the path through the front lawn. In your hand, you hold a congratulatory card for your fellow (thesis candidate partner) classmate after news traveled he was signed to a professional team. An accidental panic sets in because of your simplistic style choice of tapered indigo pants and graphic tee (paired with ballet flats). Your hair was pulled back into place with a banana clip, so you weren’t expecting the house door to be answered by a professional housekeeper whom you mistake for a family member.

“Who are you?” Her voice is a mixture of annoyance and false kindness.

“I’m a friend of Komori and Sakusa? From the university down the road...?”

Invoking the name of the young men of the house did not dwell well with this lady. You were still denied entry, so you apologize a first time after the third attempt. You extend the card in your hand sighing with as you turn on your heels to leave the premises leaving it in her care.

Inside, the first floor is filled with a few sponsors along with fellow members of the team are seen conversing with their new player who remains oblivious to your sauntering off his father’s home. Komori sees the house keeper holding a card which she is abut to place in the recycle bin, he asks her why she turned away the celebrant’s friend at the door. He takes the card from her and works his way to where his cousin stands in his business-casual attire.

“Excuse me,” Komori interjects. “I need to borrow Omi, for a second.” He explains what happened on the way to the garage entrance reassuring him he’ll bring you back and clear up the misunderstanding.

“In the mean time, you should read the card they got you, ‘Snake-Eyes.’”

Sakusa Kiyoomi only allowed one person to call him that when they met him on orientation day; they were the same one who taught him what adipopexia meant. And when his phone rings, Sakusa hears your voice through the receiver.

“I’m with Komori-San right now, but he wanted me to tel you our eta is ten minutes. Is that ok with you?”

That question was the first easily answered one in a long time for him.

When Komori walks back into the main house, you have to do a double take. You’re a few paces behind him before you hear a rather rambunctious group of voices around the corner.

“Komori! There you are! We were looking for you,” his aunt greets. “Seems like you forgot to introduce us to your friend there.”

You straighten your back and relax your shoulders a bit before sticking out your hand which goes unshaken, so you smile as you play with your own wrist.

“My classmates call me Chi.”

“Ah like the auras?”

You walk past her after Komori stares at his parent for their rudeness. Sakusa and the other players see you and judging by the angered expression on his face, you weren’t going to back away from this woman.

“Mother, please. Not now.”

“My name is Chi, ma’am. It’s short for Chimera, the Greek monsters which breathe fire and traditonally are depicted in the arts with a lion’s head, goat’s body, and serpent tale.”

Sakusa looks to Komori who just shrugs it off like it’s the best damn thing he heard all week.

“You’re a rude little thing, aren’t you?” she seethes as you keep your composure. “Where did you learn to speak like this to someone above your station?”

“The moment you brought down the collective intelligence quotient of the entire neighborhood ma’am. Maybe we’ll meet again on scrabble night when you’re done day drinking to your success.”

Komori has a hard time keeping a straight face while Sakusa’s expression is hard to read, you could tell he was trying not to chuckle at your clever wit.

“I should of recorded that,” Komori says. “It’s about time someone else put that woman in her place.”

“Your mother is wild,” you chide. “Is that why you asked me to come to scrabble night?”

“Nah,” Komori answers. “I was just tired of hearing Omi talk about you like you’re the only one he cannot function properly around.”

“I like him too,” you say as Sakusa starts walking toward you with the newer members of the MSBY team. Everyone on the rookie and senior roster were eager to introduce themselves to the outspoken student with a mighty name.

☆+ ﾟ. ꕤ.+ .ﾟ*.ﾟ｡ﾟ ♡｡. +ﾟ｡

You don’t often find yourself inside the MSBY training grounds, but this was at the request of the captain and the manager. Apparently their starting setter called out Sakusa for not being able to hit his sets and somehow that spiraled into the two of them not syncing up the rest of practice. From what you gather with the information presented, you knew the setter would bounce back first the following day, but Sakusa, who still keeps mostly to himself, does not budge. He elected to stay behind for a little while after to collect his thoughts.

You are given a family and friends badge to clip on the collar of your jersey styled dress (you had a dissertation presentation to attend earlier that day, so here you arrive with a metallic jumpsuit and jacket). You sent a text to Sakusa’s phone letting him know you were invited to come. You hear the rhythmical combination of plays being made in center court. You arrive in time to see your classmate nail an close cross-shot with a loud thwack!

Presently Sakusa walks side by side with you back toward his apartment. You think nothing of it when you ask him to come inside when you reach the fancy building in this district. You listen to him complain about everyone including the damning things Miya had said to him during practice. You figured you let him vent as you were recently still getting better acquainted outside of academia as a whole. You switch the conversation topic to a foolish once:“Mmhm,” you muse. “You do like my company Omi.”

Instead of a proper answer, Sakusa Kiyoomi opens the door of his home behind you as you step back into his home. It takes an insane amount of control on both of your parts before you see the athlete pull down his mask to finally act out what he was feeling since he had properly been introduced to you on campus in your joint third semester. His lips touch your Cupid’s bow first because of your height difference, but you shake your head with a soft smile.

“Care to do that again?” He asks you in a playfully menacing way.

His bag lands in the floor prior to leaning forward again and he drops his center of gravity as though he’s about to receive a serve from his captain.

“Sakusa, I swear to you if I—ack!”

The surprise lift he has you secured in was irratic on it’s on accord, but when you adjust your arms and place them against his shoulders, Sakusa nearly growls at the contact.

“My lips are right here,” you chide. Tilting your face to your left, Sakusa manages to successfully kiss you this time.

First kisses are a difficult thing for anyone to navigate, yet there is a veil of innocence surrounding you both since you teach him that showing displays of affection is a love language you are fluent in and his, on the other hand, is touching the subject of desire aka you. And so one kiss turned to two, which turned to three as you let him walk you to the kitchen that has an island counter and he tells you to sit still for a moment.

“You’re being awfully affectionate today,” he tells you this in confidence. You sit atop the granite surface expecting him to kiss you senseless, which he does the moment your hands bring him down to press chaste kisses up and down your collar bone.

You accidentally moan his name into his ear when his nose tickles the nape of yours neck.

“I’ll kiss you for real princex,” the slight growl is there again. “I’ll kiss you until you’re breathing stops.”

If anything, you relearn a few things: one, Sakusa Kiyoomi comes from a successful family; two, he’s insanely dedicated to playing volleyball ; and right now, he’s thoroughly enjoying kissing you in the comfort of his own home.

“Sakusa, is~ahh~ are you formerly asking me to be your lover right now?”

Sakusa pauses his onslaught of wanting to mark you with his lips for a moment, so he nods sheepishly. Your smile is radiant the moment you accept his proposal he almost loses his composure entirely. There is time for that too, but for now being drunk in love in his kitchen is a good start.

#🌻— flying around collecting pollen—queue #sora scribbles #🌻.txt #sora after hours #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa scenarios #msby signing party shenanigans

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briteboy · 6 years

Photo

(circumstantial name by @earnoodle)

IT’S FINALLY TIME FOR THE POST YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR (or maybe just that one anon)

there’s a LOT in here, newer questions are generally first so if you asked something a while ago and you’re only interested in that, scroll towards the bottom. also doing wcifs separately (errr i’m gonna try my hardest to ok don’t crucify me)

this mass anons post includes topics ranging from Very Sweet Things Said To Me That I Don’t Deserve, nitpicking stranger things, crying over ramona, lou theories, Cillian Is A Fucking Creep theories (true), and completely unhelpful reshade advice

let’s f0cking do this

You're right, apart from carrying his stupid brain, Santi's head didn't do anything to any of us. I apologize for anon.

I'm pretty sure I said that already but I love Rooney and Santi's relationship so much I literally have no words for it

ME TOO LIKE IT’S JUST SO PURE TWO NOT-KIDS SCARED OF THE ADULT WORLD TRYING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT WITH THEIR WEIRD BRAINS TOGETHER ;__; i love them

YO i didnt know u were a demigirl!! im a demiboy nb Buddies

hell fuckin yeah dude!! we are starting a demi club

Ok but like I really want werewolves. Like I know it sounds stupid but we have vampire and while yes I love my bat babes, I want a giant pupper friend. I have story written out and plans for a cabin to build. Now I’m waiting for EA to give me my big hairy babes.

DUDE i want more supernatural stuff too, mostly witches like I NEED MY WITCHES AGAIN!!! ts3 witches were so good. i didn’t like ts3 werewolves much but i feel like they’d be super cool in ts4, knowing how the vampires came out. i NEED it

hihi! i've been very quietly (??) following your blog for some time now and i just fawn over your characters way too much ?? anywho, i've been wanting to start my own little simblr story but ,, i'm not entirely sure where to even start? i have so many stories that i'd love to get out there, and i have the means.. butt, how did you go about starting out?? so sorry this is so long but i look up to you a whole ton!!! ty ily! :-)

i’m the (??) lmao that’s me always but ahdhghdfkshg thank you so much!!!!! i’m so glad you love them, it means the world to me ;-; and listen, that was me, i had no idea how i was going to do it because i’d only seen ts3 stories up to that point and i thought there was like a set Way to tell stories but i had no idea what i was doing so i was like y’know what...i’m just gonna do it how i feel comfortable doing it and i’m gonna figure it out as i go along. so honestly try to roughly plan out what your stor(ies) will entail and if you get stuck on planning and can’t figure it out, just jump right into it, try to make a few scenes or get the ball rolling somehow, even if it’s just random posts (i mean that’s all my blog was until i decided to commit to santi’s story.) it’s always gonna feel weird and awkward at first, but you’ll get comfortable the more you do it and it’ll figure itself out, trust me!

I read through most of your story posts the other day and now I’m rereading it again just to torture myself some more (and maybe catch up on some posts I may have missed). I honestly don’t think I’ve come across a sims story that’s so beautifully written & includes such evocative pictures as yours. I’m really at a loss for words, it’s all so stunning. & after a nearly two-month long creative block, it’s planted the smallest seed of inspiration in the back of my mind, so thank you for your art.

AHHHH AHSDHKGKDSJG WHAT!!!!! it’s always crazy hearing that 1) people actually care about my stuff, and 2) that it inspires them. like i really cannot believe that, stilL!! thank you so so much, i’m so happy you enjoyed it (as torturous as it was, lmao) it seriously warms my heart that you’re getting your groove back in the creative world, that means more to me than ANYTHING!! good luck with your art or whatever you decide to do with that inspiration!

can i pls have your editing skill please and thank you

i owe most my editing at this point to reshade so honestly get reshade and u will probably become better than me

o added u on animal crossing and when you added me back i was so happy,, your little person is sooo adorable ((:

OMG!! thank you!! everyone’s person on there is adorable i cry i love them all so much i’m so mad tho it won’t let me add any more friends!!! it probably cuts off at like 100 friends or something STUPID

First of all, I love you. Secondly, I love your photos so much. I'm legit about to just ditch sims 3 for 4 now because of your amazing posts. 😖

LMFAO no but really THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! if you can manage playing both i admire u, i’ve invested too much time and effort into ts4 to ever fully go back to any other sims games tbh

The new patch made my game unplayable! I'm crying, I miss my doggos...

NOOOOO!!! hopefully by now you’ve found a fix, i’m prayin for u

long time listener, first time caller yoooo. i like everyone love your stories and your sim aesthetic so so so much and just tbh i was offended on your behalf about that ask from that person wanting to novelize your stories. like you were way too nice. this is your intellectual property and it's fucked up that someone would think it'd be okay to duplicate it as long as they used a different medium. this is prob a bad one to repost just wanted to you to know you're an awesome, singular voice

omfg lmao this is a radio show now *z100 voice* tellem why ya mad euhhh first of all i can’t believe someone even ASKED that, i’m in shock because like what this is so foreign to me. people want to write about MY characters WHAT! like that alone...takes a long time to process. and like i know i should say no but then i feel mean but they’re also my creations so like idk. it warms my heart that you feel so strongly and would stand up for me like that i’m cryin thank u for calling in i love u

I JUST FINISHED YOUR ENTIRE STORY AND I'M NOT OK WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PUTTING ME THROUGH THAT SHIT IT'S AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER AND I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE ABUSED MY (NON EXISTENT) INNOCENCE WOW

I’M SO SORRY U HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR STEALING YOUR INNOCENCE I NEVER MEANT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN OSDAFKJDSK BUT THANK YOU FOR READING I’M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT EVEN IF IT HURT YOU!!!

I've been up all night and it's now 11am. I'm completely binging on your stories bc I am in LOVE and need a Molly in my game asap. Do you think you'll ever upload her?

omG my freaking story inciting insomnia i’m so sorry for ur sleep schedule first of all, but at least that makes you identify with santi even more omg tho ;___; (how many times will i say ‘omg’ i wonder) i don’t think so because she is so dear to me and makes my heart ache, she is just so special, i dunno if i could ever release her into the wild like that lmao. i haven’t even shared her with my friends (not that i really ever had a reason to) but like yeah. maybe in the future that’ll change but right now, no, i’m sorry <3

To change the topic: Idk if you watch stranger things but I only managed to get to episode 3 of season 2 before I stopped watching lmao it was so bad and Billy (a certified Cunt) ruined the whole show for me

YEAH I DID! omg. i have a LOT of issues with this season (mostly in how badly they tried to retcon nancy and everyone else not caring about barb’s death, how bad the writing was in the realm of nancy and steve breaking up and then her and jonathan getting together...holy fuck it was so uncomfortable with that 40 yr old conspiracy theorist guy i couldn’t even enjoy my ship getting together lmao) also ur right, max and billy honestly did not offer anything to the story...like i loved max too but what was the point...billy acted like their presence and the reason they had to move was so dramatic when it was really nothing...unless they’re saving that for season 3 but like. the whole situation with billy was so anticlimactic. he was like a walmart version of henry from IT. like boohoo ur dad’s an asshole and then he beat up steve. good character arc. i liked max standing up for herself but really...that whole thing was so lackluster, i didn’t care about it at all. ALSO I HATED THAT THEY DIDN’T LET MAX AND ELEVEN BE FRIENDS!! i’m sure it’ll happen in season 3 but like c’mon...that would’ve made the max character feel a little more important to the story. anyway yeah fuck billy and i don’t get why everyone is lusting after him or his actor they’re both ugly! thanks for listening

I just got the sims 4 + city living and I’m so excited! I was really inspired by your stories and style in general... I was wondering what packs do you have and also what are your favourite sims 4 hairs? I’m having trouble finding ones and I love your style!

YAY I’M EXCITED FOR YOU!!! omg aww it warms my heart so much when people say i inspire them because i never anticipated that kind of response, thank you so much <3 hmmm i think i have all of them except glamour stuff and fitness stuff. and pretty much all the hairs i download are here or here. (or the subsequent ‘tf’, ‘cf’, ‘tm’ and ‘cm’ tags as well, according to age)

UHM a 19 year old and a 13 year old? Poor baby Lou... Also youre a brilliant writer i cant

😬😬😬 stay tuned ajasdhjhjsahd thank you so much!!!

My stan levels for you have increased so much? like thanks for being a good ally, clAps for femmesim!

lmao thank you, i don’t really deserve praise tho i’m just passing on the knowledge of those patient enough to teach me. just trying to do what i can with my privilege u know. ily

How do you have teeth showing in so many of your pictures of Lou and Molly, do you PS them in?

i’ve gotten this question before and it’s usually just the poses used! i do have some lipsticks that have teeth on them but i mostly use them for just rooney.

Honestly, a fight between Santi and that new guy (srry, forgot his name while typing this) would be so hot. Like, I hope Santi would win but like just watching Santi fight him for Lou would make me happy!! Also, I live for your stories💞

omG i’m about to call up vince mcmahon they both need to fight on smackdown it’s gonna happen. they’ll both be shirtless too ok and THANK YOU ILY

boi poc can be PREJUDICED against white people but there is no such thing as reverse racIIIIIIiiiiIIIIIiiiIIIIsm

Lemme just say that you must be feeling so stressed rn. I love you and your simblr!!! Your posts light up my day!! <3333

OMg kind of. this week has taken A Lot out of me and i really just want to chill at home and play my freaking GAME but obligations. u know. here’s hoping i get a day off this week. i’m mad i’m probably gonna miss gianni’s birthday too (it’s on tuesday) and i wanted to do something for it!! i’ll probably do it late like i did last year too lmao i’m so sorry baby g ANYWAY u didn’t ask to hear about any of this...thank you for this sweet message i love you <3

why,,,, are people... coming to your blog to discuss race you are a fucking simblr WHAT

the real question is why do people go to you like its your job to educate them lmao like theres so many resources out there

SHAWDY u aint wrong reverse racism is literally a joke i am so sorry you have to go through all of this keep stepping on white feelings we deserve it

I was wondering would u consider Asians to be POC?

yes

I just finished Strange the Dreamer and it was fucking amazing. I cried so much and I laughed and I sat in absolute amazement at the world Laini Taylor has created. 100/10 would recommend

ahhhh i really need to read it apparently!! i’m like 10% away from being done with a dance with dragons (and then i have to wait for the next book like a peasant HURRY UP KING GEORGE) anyway this one is definitely on my list!

omgomg!! I just met this girl in my class who has eyes just like ramona's!!! But like instead of being brown w/ a little bit of blue, they were blue w/ a little bit of brown!!! Dude I was so shook I rlly didn't think ppl had eyes like that!

OMG!!!! that’s amazing! and yes heterochromia is a real thing haha. i’ve only met one person with it and he had the same color combo as ramona too, only his was full heterochromia, not sectoral.

*me in the background screaming* nO yOU LEAVE HER ALoNE baD-DAD-MaN!

ME TF TOO

every time i read some of your stories i get an ache in my heart that doesn't go away until i either cry or sleep so interpret that as you like

OMG ;_____; ok me too tho my heart literally hurts thinking about my characters sometimes...mostly santi...i hate him (no i don’t :{ )

hey uhh idk if you've answered something like this before but do you have a spotify or something bc your music taste is GOLD

THANK YOU!! you were the first person to ask about this haha and hopefully you saw my answer to the other question about it! i just made one and it’s here!

hi hi ! i’m seeing all the drama on da blog and i really want to read the whole story but i can’t get to it on mobile so i was wondering if you could link the beginning and tell me what the best order to read it in is ( i’m so confused because i’ve seen sm people y’all about a parallel story so idk if i’m being dumb !! ) i hope this isn’t any inconvenience also your sims are so beautiful sjajsjajs

hey on mobile the link is just: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono i would honestly just recommend that order haha, it makes things simpler and it encompasses ALL story posts, or posts that give context. there are parallels in my story, lou’s is kind of a parallel of santi’s, only different...well...you’ll see. but yeah sorry this is so late! and thank you!!!

TU HISTORIA ES TAAAAAN BUENA POR DIOOOOS (YOURE STORY IS SOOOOO GOOD OMG) <3 <3 *OO* *cries in spanish*

MUCHAS GRACIAS ENCANTADORA PERSONAAAA <333

lou is wendy right? i mean, a wendy complex is someone who is overly mothering to partners, and lou is already a mother and ik that doesn't really count as foreshadowing but it seems like it could be a link to me. it'd make sense too, considering guys that go after younger girls (ew) are usually immature ie peter pan complex. it'd make the most sense that those two go together then.

heheheheh that is a VERY good observation...that’s all i’m gonna say!!

This has nothing to do with what's happening in the story rn, but whatever. I was wondering if you were going to mention lou's struggles with being a single mom and the stigma surrounding single motherhood? As a single mother myself I'd really enjoy seeing you take on the issue. Personally, my biggest problem was overcoming the generalizations people put on you when you're a single mom. People always assumed that I that I was stupid and uneducated because I had my son when I was 17.

yes! that will definitely come up. i will focus a lot on her struggles as a single mom. so far i’ve mostly just peppered in some stuff about money troubles, and that will come up again, and the issues you mention will be pretty central to her character as well. i’m sorry you have to endure that, it’s not fair. people don’t even realize how strong and dedicated single mothers are.

when you say Peter Pan, do you mean the Disney stuff or the og creepy stuff?

i mean the general themes of the story and how that translates into a peter pan complex: boy who never grows up, feels like he fits in more with younger people (haha...yikes), read the message above because that anon described the other half of the equation better than i could

Wait, hold up. That dude is cute but I feel like he’s coming onto Lou way too strong. I have a bad feeling.. Lou is like 13 there and he is 19 I mean I’ve seen bigger gaps between people, but she is not legal yet.. Where are you going with this? 🤨😅

yyyyyyep that feeling is warranted! i am going a way i don’t think you guys expect me to go...i think you’ll be very confused at the end of this part lmao. that being said, i’m not putting any of this in for shock value or to romanticize inappropriate relationships like this. (i’m probably going to be repeating that a LOT for this story but please just keep that in mind)

Hey mom wanna hear a fun as hell story? I just got back from the ER bc I fell on my razor after showering, and practically cut my nipple in half. (I am in so much pain hELP)

OMFG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR POOR NIPPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SO SORRY I HOPE IT FEELS BETTER PLEASE UPDATE ME ON THE NIPPLE STATUS

U gotta watch sense8!!! Apart from the v awkward sex scenes it's v good, has a lot of representation and shit Just watch that shit show, u won't regret it (And if you do I cut your throat oops)

i’ve heard it’s good! i remember when it first came out and everyone was like Wow The Representation so honestly anything with diversity has already got me hooked pls don’t murder me.

I'm calling it now. He's Fi's dad. and he's a FUCKING CREEP!! Bitch you are 19!! LOU IS 13!! BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU PERV!!

no spoilers or anything but honestly i’m with you @ cillian die

Are they gonna fucc, o no

right now? no. that would be Very Bad

bABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE

oh same

Hi ! Your lastest edit (graveyard girl) is truly amazing, how did you make that bokeh behind her ? 😱😍

thank you so much!!! it’s reshade (with matso DOF)!

You've probably got this question a lot of times but i can't find the answer for it. What reshade do you use?

i gotta add this to my faq, it’s one i created myself but i started out with this one (it totally doesn’t resemble that one anymore but i think it’s a good starting point)

how do you make good looking male sims? mine always look the same and kinda girly..

hmmm longer faces, prominent chins and jaws, smaller eyes, bigger noses...generally yeah

What do you mean 9 + alt?

you gotta turn bb.moveobjects on and then press alt + 9 when an object is selected to move it upward. so what i did with those poses i made was, i selected a teleporter and pressed alt + 9 until it was at a spot i liked on the roof. that’s why releasing those poses would be tricky, ‘cause every build is different so there’s no set way to place them, you just kinda have to play around with them

You mentioned GoT so naturally, I have to chime in and express my love for Jon. Honestly, he won me over ever since the first season? I'm at season 5 now and people have already warned me so now i'm silently weeping, waiting for something to happen to my precious bby help

JONNY BOY!!!!!!!!!!! i loved his emo ass since the beginning but his arc with qorin halfhand (was he in the show??) was probably the best arc in book 2 and then his book 3 arc was just...SO GOOD, SO MUCH happens to him and i just felt like i was watching my son go through it all...i love that boy so much ;-; i’m almost at the end of the last book and i’m scared for him because of the one spoiler i know lmao and you’re at that point too so GET READY we’ll go through it together ok

So there's this game I'm playing where someone talking about another character says 'maybe you can break him from his ouroboros of self-fladulation' (I know I probably butchered those spellings but I'm not a bright egg and autocorrect isn't helping rip) and tbh it made me think of Santi. (Also I'mma scream of you get this reference jsyk)

OMG THE FACT THAT YOU THOUGHT OF HIM ;-; and it’s okay u are the brightest egg in the bunch to me. I’M SORRY I DON’T GET THIS REFERENCE BECAUSE I’M NOT A VIDEO GAME PERSON BUT I’LL PRETEND I DO KNOW WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT anyway yes santi is currently in the process of breaking his self-flagellation and embracing the oneness of the ouroboros (as opposed to letting the cycle repeat itself until he’s worn down to nothing)

do you have any favorite pose creators?

answered

do you have any tips for taking good screenshots in game? like how to get the good angles and good quality? i play on ultra but i think when i zoom in and then use the arrows on my keyboard to move around, the pictures gets less clear and looks kinda blurry. how should i do this?

well if you’re already using ultra, there’s not much you can do lmao. sims 4 is just bad with textures in general. it also depends on the objects as well, some are better quality than others. if i zoom in far on a sim’s face, i generally know there will be some pixelation and i can clean that up in photoshop with topaz clean and the smudge tool. i am very reliant on photoshop sometimes lmao. it sounds like you already have the basics of taking good screenshots, it’s just sometimes you have to fight and work with sims 4′s less-than-hd quality.

burn it down by daughter reminds me of santi & i'm in pain

ouroboros!!! death! birth! death again! birth again rinse repeat! also santi breaking the cycle because third time's the charm

The tattoo is an Ouroboros. It originated in Egyptian iconography, and it symbolizes recreation. My boy's recreating himself, I'm so proud.

ouroboros, the dragon eating its own tail. it's a sign of eternal renewal

i saw the post of child molly and just started BAWLING i miss her what the fuck she's my fave character i'M CRYING

ME TOO BICH!! ME FUCKIN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just read all of A Serious Case Of The Novembers so far and theres still tears on my face. some of the best stuff ive read in a while, great job on everything

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ALSO I’M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU CRY

every time you write about molly and her in heaven it makes my heart swell, like the characters were answering asks and someone asked her what heaven was like and even though it was so small short lil answer it still pulls at the heart strings, basically what im trying to say is that your writing is so good! <3

omg ;_______; me too, i feel like she has such a simple way with words and although her descriptions of heaven are brief, they are also complex and beautiful, and even just writing it chokes me up ;-; thank you so much tho i’m so glad you like it!!

Molly: out Molly tatto: also out

why did this remind me of this post:

How did you edit in the fire in the last post? Looks cool

i searched things like “bonfire” and pasted parts of it that i wanted on the pic to make it look more realistic, then put a layer mask on the pasted pic and erased the edges and stuff to make it blend in better. the sparks and stuff i added by pasting it onto a new layer and changing the blending mode to screen!

idk if you have every watched grey anatomy but Lou's backstory is starting to remind me of Jo (Jo is a character from the show) like Jo was in a abusive relationship and she is married to the guy but she cant get divorced or he will come and find her. So like if Lou didn't tell Fiona's dad he was a dad and Lou was married to him and cant escape the marriage (cause abuse), plus it would explain Lou's kink with being choked ;) full circle *god-like heaven music with tiniest violin is playing now*

ooh no i don’t but that’s interesting and i’m excited you even made a connection like that! i will say that it’s not lou who likes to be choked (the very opposite actually lmao) but otherwise the situation does kinda fit. i’m the violin

I have a freakin bio pre ap test tomorrow on photosynthesis and i have no idea what it is im going to fail save me

I’M ANSWERING THIS VERY LATE BUT I HOPE YOUR TEST WENT WELL!!!!!! *spongebob voice* photosynthesis

last time I installed reshade I couldn't get it to open the controls or shaders or anything in game :///// any tips?? I love they way reshade looks too!!

hmmmmm well i know the control panel opens when you press shift + f2, and then you check the boxes of the effects you want on them. i haven’t heard of this problem so i dunno what other advice to give i’m sorry :{ if it’s your first time installing it, you might have to wait a little to get it to load up.

Da puppy is so cute!!!

That dog and Romona are so adorable, I might cry

Ramona's cheeks are so big im in love

NAJKSDJGKJSD THANK YOU i love her and her chubby cheeks ;-;

OMG TOTORO IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE GHIBLI UGH FKSJFJANFB

SAME!!!!!!! if i could only watch ghibli movies for the rest of my life i’d be totally fine with that

THE DOGGIE HAS EYES JUST LIKE RAMONAS IM GONNA FUCKIGN CRY

ME FUCKGN TOO!!!!!!!!!! it was fate (aka me creating the wolf pup to look just like her shh i am fate)

Hope I'm not bothering you but i wondered if you knew how to make Tamo sims eyebags work on a toddler? Do I just click in s4s to work for toddler on the "age and gender flags" when looking in My CC or do I have to do something a little more than that please? Thank you.

for any skin detail or makeup, you have to go into s4s and open the package up, go to one of the tabs (honestly i don’t remember which one because i don’t have it open rn lmao) and you’ll see the different age groups and you check the box for toddler. and then save it of course. (there’s probably a better guide on how to do this somewhere lmao)

Hey :) Sorry to take up your time, I was wondering if you use win7, win8 or win10? I'm trying to decide on one and people seem to have very strong feelings about it. Also what web browser do you use? I've used Firefox, but I had some problems on CC websites. Thanks<3

i use windows 10 because it came with my laptop lmao i honestly don’t know much about windows systems at all!! and i use google chrome because it’s never failed me (even though windows keeps pressuring me to use the new internet explorer called “edge”)

i just finished all of novembers in a sitting and 1. i'm Sobbing, 2. your music taste is bomb

THANK YOU!!! my music taste is like one part indie shit, one part rap and hip-hop, twelve parts emo middle school bands

what is the size of the original unedited screenshot?

1920x1080

For reshade when your first install and select the reshade you want to use do you have to edit the settings? Cause last time I tried to (I didn’t know what most of the things meant lmao) but it kept saying error or something so I couldn’t play the game so I ended up taking out reshade

do you mean the preset you want to use? i mean no you can just play with that preset, you don’t have to change anything about it. i’m not sure what you mean but i followed this guide for setting it up

Will you ever share your preset?? Or maybe a preset made be you??

i’ve answered this before but the answer is Maybe

Hi!!!! How do you make the rays of light you have in your photos?? THANK U BBY <3333

that’s actually in my editing tutorial but here you go <3

is reshade only available on windows + do we need to pay for it

yes and no

Hello love! I was wondering (and maybe it's a dumb question, idk) but what life span setting do you use? I would assume you turned off aging for your story but maybe I'm wrong ;w; Thank you!!

i do actually have aging off ‘cause i’m a coward lmao even in the ts3 days when i wasn’t doing story stuff and literally just playing i had it off for the most part and just aged sims up when i wanted because i like to be in control of Everything (aries)

I really just wanted to say that I’m new I your tumblr but your stories are amazing and I love them so much!!! Keep doing what you’re doing💞👏🏼

hey thank you!!! you are so kind and i’m glad you’re enjoying everything!!

In your reshade settings where have you set it to save your SS's to and which key please? I can't find mine after setting it to desktop/screenshots :(

i just set mine to ts4′s screenshots folder because it’s what i was used to and it works for me haha. hmmmmmm did you copy the exact address or whatever it’s called of your folder’s location and then paste it into the reshade box? try doing that with another location and see if it works. if anything you can do what i did ‘cause it worked for me

ok SO i came across this music video for this like spanish/english speaking indie band called The Marías and the song was déjate llevar and literally everything about the music video reminded me of rooney and gianni

OMMMGGG i love this so much, i cry @ music suggestions and this is so them ;-; i think i’ve heard of this band before actually!!

a little life is going to fucking ruin you,,, just a warning

great! i look forward to it

can a steal ur talent

have it i don’t need it

What app are you using to make them cool edit things??

i tagged it but it was doodle face

omg Strange the Dreamer is so freaking amazing! It’s literally one of my favorite books of all time; You’ll love it. The writing is absolutely delightful

you guys are really singin the praises for this book!! i have so many dang books to read i swear

#nonsims #saviorhide #anonymous #sunny answers #it is done and i never want to see another anon message again #i retire

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peterjonesparker · 7 years

Text

lol, you guys asked for it and i’m a sucker so here. mj’s perspective/part two for the soulmate au. part one here.

couple quick things: thanks to @jedistardust for telling me about the spanish language so i won’t disappoint my grandma. thanks to @spideyxchelle for not so politely requesting a part 2. also, i tag @spideychelle-romanogers bc she is my adorable wife.

when a thirteen year old mj woke up one morning and saw her words had etched themselves in a messy scrawl onto her upper right bicep, she was, and she will only admit this once, a little excited

but then she actually reads the words and any excitement or hope she had dies

mj had always been iffy about the whole...soulmate...thing

her parents got divorced and they were supposed to be soulmates. she’d watched them fight from the time she was four until she was eleven. they kept trying to make it work because they were soulmates but they couldn’t stand each other

so mj promised herself that no person, not even your soulmate, was worth giving up your own happiness

but when her parents finalized the divorce when she was eleven, a part of her dreamed that she’d find someone who loved and supported her and didn’t drive her up the wall

and then she learns the first words her soulmate will say to her are “you’ve got to be kidding me.”

and that decides it

this whole soulmate business is bullshit and she won’t care. she’ll hear the words, maybe slap her soulmate, maybe ignore them and their pleas to give them a chance

because anyone who is disappointed that she’s their soulmate can go fuck off and she doesn’t need them anyway

so mj stops wearing tank tops or shirts with sleeves so short they show her words. she hides them. and when people ask about her words and if they’ve shown up yet, she just says, “no. they haven’t. don’t think i’m going to get words, honestly.”

and look, it’s not like she hasn’t flirted with the idea that maybe the words don’t mean what she’s always known they do

maybe her soulmate and her go to a costume party and show up in the same costume. maybe she accidentally steals her soulmate’s coffee. maybe she becomes super famous and someone is so shocked they don’t know what to do

but the problem with all those situations is that they rely on the fact that her soulmate is good and kind and wants to be with her. all facts she can’t rely on and she really doesn’t want to get her hopes up only to be disappointed like her parents ended up being

so mj wears jackets and long sleeves and covers her words and ignores the fact that one day someone will say the words “you've got to be kidding me” to her face

and then she goes to midtown high and liz toomes (her newly self-appointed mentor. liz’s words, not mj’s) basically forces her to join the decathlon team and she is introduced to peter parker

and okay

it’s not like she’s falling over him because he’s such a stud and she can’t help herself

honestly, he’s a dork. the only reason she even takes special note of him that first day is because he’s got this little floof in his eyebrow and she wants to know what happened and how he got it

it’s not her fault that she quickly realizes he’s 100% a total dork

and okay so like...maybe dorks are her weakness but she can’t help that

so maybe she starts observing peter a bit. they know each other. are on the same team. sit at the same lunch table. but they don’t really interact other than the occasional head nod or wave

so mj just watches him. and she sees when he comforts one of their classmates after flash makes a particularly cutting joke in english. she sees when he steps on the toilet paper attached to cindy’s shoe as she steps out of the bathroom. she sees when he stays toward the back of the group in pe so those students don’t have to run alone or feel badly for going slowly. (she doesn’t notice because she’s one of those students...of course not...)

she notices when halfway through freshman year peter’s clothes suddenly get a lot tighter and his jawline is more defined

and she also notices when he starts to drift in class and how his eyes are more sunken in. and then she notices when he leaves classrooms to go cry in the bathroom because his uncle ben just died and everyone dances around peter

and one day she finds him sitting alone, crying, on the bleachers in the gym. and she goes to sit next to him and doesn’t say anything. just eats her lunch and reads a book and if he chokes, she’ll rub her hand on his back lightly so as not to scare him away

and then she leaves with another head nod and he starts smiling at her in the hallways

but that’s it. it’s just an innocent crush. she doesn’t expect anything to come from it. because a guy like peter is bound to have a soulmate and they’re going to be great one day and she doesn’t want to get involved only to get hurt

but then at the beginning of sophomore year she walks into her spanish class and sees peter parker and it’s the first class she’s had with him in it and there’s an empty seat next to him so she takes it

he gives her a brief acknowledgement but goes back to resting his chin on his arm and looking ahead in a daze

and then their teacher is telling them to start a conversation with the person next to them so they can warm up and practice speaking

so she turns to him. and because she saw a woman walking her dog on the way to school she says, “hola. ¿me puedes ayudar a buscar mi perro?”

and she can’t remember if she was supposed to put the me after ayudar or not but it’s too late

and then peter turns to her, eyes wide. and she’s worried because...like...what? does she have something on her face? did she say something so entirely wrong that he’s so surprised she didn’t realize?

but then: “you’ve got to be kidding me.”

and mj panics for a second because 1) peter parker is her soulmate and she’s maybe got a huge crush on him but also 2) peter parker is somehow disappointed in her which is ridiculous because she’s been nothing but nice to him and he knows she’s smart and how is he disappointed?

and then the hurt settles in and she grabs her backpack and lets out a “fuck you” before she’s running out of the classroom and down the hall

she isn’t sure where exactly to go but she sees the library and it’s the most comforting place in the world so she storms into it and walks to the very back, wiping away tears that have started to form against her very deepest wishes

she pulls out one of the three books she’s currently reading and sits down, forcing herself not to think about loser peter parker and how much of a dweeb he is and how he sucks. like...sucks so much

but then he sits down. and then she’s telling him that soulmates are bullshit. but then she can’t help herself and it’s always been her biggest question so: “what did i do? how were you already disappointed?” and because she can’t let him think she’s going to let him control her life: “i’m fucking awesome, just so you know. you’d be so lucky.”

and then he’s laughing and what the fuck? but he manages to sputter out an explanation about how she spoke to him in spanish and it was this whole big deal and he just thought it was funny

and

goodness that’s the most precious explanation anyone could ever give. and her heart swells a bit but she tells her heart to politely shut the fuck up

and she tells herself it’s only because he’s peter parker and not her soulmate that she gives him her phone number before storming off with a warning not to screw it up any more

and she really hopes he doesn’t screw it up because she’d like to get to know peter parker and maybe kiss his stupid face

and then later that night she gets a text from a number not saved in her phone

so, we’ve already established that i’m an asshole who has a cute butt

but i’d like to think i can be better than that

(and hopefully have more cute features)

so this is me asking you if you’d like to hang out sometime

we can do whatever you want

and mj considers this for a long time. leaves him on read for an hour because she spent two years of her life worrying about this soulmate business because peter can’t help but put his foot in his mouth

and then after an hour, she opens her text messages again and types out what she hopes is nonchalant and appropriately put off

meet me after school on friday

and then mj spends the rest of the week trying to think of something that they can do

because she talks a big game but she’s actually still very scared

because this is peter parker. who is a resident dork but he’s also very kind and good and she can’t shake the fact that she’s expected her soulmate to be disappointed in her for the last two years

part of her worries that she’ll let him in and he’ll just end up being disappointed anyway

and this is all stupid. just because parker is her soulmate doesn’t mean she should care if he decides he doesn’t like her and would rather have a different soulmate. if he does, then fuck him. and fuck this whole soulmate business and the expectation that you have to end up with your soulmate and you need to make it work no matter what. that’s bullshit

but when peter waves at her in the hallway, blushing with a dopey smile. or when he sits next to her in chemistry, which they also end up having together, and asks if she’ll be his lab partner. or when he gives her a cup of tea at lunch before walking over to join ned at his end of the table

well

maybe mj’s heart flutters and swells and wants to burst. but that’s not important because peter is still an idiot who also just happens to be her soulmate

and then friday rolls around and she still doesn’t know what to do after school today and she’s considering just telling him she can’t make it sorry they can never speak again

but her mom calls and she’s going to have to stay late today after work and would michelle be a sweetheart and please pick up her younger sister after school?

and of course! because this solves her problems

so when she sees peter waiting outside after school, she walks over to him and he perks up. and then she says, “i’m sorry. i can’t today. my mom is working late and i have to pick up my little sister from school.”

and his face falls and his shoulders hunch, but then he straightens up again and says, “i can go with you!” he says it a bit too loudly and too quickly and they look at each other in shock for a few minutes before he continues to ramble. “i mean, only if you’d like. i understand if you wouldn’t want me to meet anyone in your family right now. we only just spoke for the first time on monday and i know you don’t like to give weight to the soul bond. i’m sorry for even-”

“oh shut up, parker.” because she doesn’t want to hear him go on and on and it’s a little embarrassing. she sighs. “come on, we can’t be late.” and she waves him along as she starts walking toward the train

he follows after her, much like a puppy. and she tells herself that she doesn’t think it’s adorable. not one bit

but he smiles at her the whole time they’re on the train and asks about her sister and her family. and she tries to keep the fact that her parents are divorced a secret because she’s not ready to have a conversation about why she doesn’t want to give a lot of weight to a soul bond

when they finally get to her sister’s school, the little girl is waiting outside, sitting on the sidewalk looking quite peeved while a teacher waits next to her

“i’m sorry, ms. graham. my mom has to stay late so she asked me to pick lily up today.”

“that’s okay, miss jones.” ms. graham smiles and waves goodbye to lily before going into the school

lily, for her part, looks up at michelle and raises one eyebrow when she notices peter. “who’s the boy?”

and before michelle can think up something to say peter extends his hand. “i’m peter parker. nice to meet you.”

she takes his hand, skeptical. and then she turns back to her sister. “and why is he here?”

and no way is she telling her eight year old sister that peter parker is her soulmate. she would never hear the end of it and her sister would accuse her of going soft. and mj has spent the last eight years of lily’s life crafting this cool older sister vibe she isn’t ready to get rid of yet. and, frankly, mj is quite proud that her sister is so skeptical of peter right now

but peter continues again. “we’re going to do our spanish homework together.” peter smirks at her and she really wants to punch his face. and maybe she’d use her face but the specifics are unimportant. what is important is that her heart stutters and she turns back to her younger sister, who’s eyeing them with an indiscernible look on her face

“okay, big shot.” and she shoves past peter lightly and grabs mj’s hand, pulling her along toward the train and counting on peter to follow. and mj maybe flips her head around to stick her tongue out at peter. but only maybe

but once they’re on the train peter keeps asking lily questions about school and her friends and what she likes to read and mj knows lily. she knows each of her faces and shrugs and looks. and lily is starting to like peter. and part of her feels betrayed

so she gives her sister what she hopes is an et tu, brute look as lily cracks a smile at peter parker and laughs at one of his lame jokes

and when they get back to mj’s home and lily runs up to her room to drop off her backpack before afternoon snack time, peter smirks at mj and shakes his shoulders. “she likes me. she’s going approve of me.”

and mj scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “please, she’s got a crush on you.” and then she smirks, tilting her head a bit. “maybe you have the wrong soulmate.”

and peter gasps and sputters. “what? no!”

but then lily’s back and she’s smiling at peter and asking him questions this time and he’s supremely uncomfortable and michelle wants to cackle

and then peter’s asking to go to the bathroom and lily slides over to mj and hunches over, conspiratorially

“so what’s actually the deal with him, mj?”

and: what?

mj scrunches her eyebrows together. “what do you mean, lil?”

and lily just rolls her eyes at mj, groans, and rolls her head back in frustration. “you are so dumb, mj. what’s the deal with this boy you obviously have a crush on who obviously has a crush on you?”

“what are you even saying, lily?” mj gets defensive because what the fuck

when did her sister learn to see right through her facade? she’s eight, for christ’s sake

“is he your soulmate? is that it?” lily props her head up with an arm on the table. “but you wouldn’t have a crush on your soulmate. would you?” lily looks back at mj, confused

and mj’s absolutely mortified because maybe her eight year old sister has been playing her since the moment lily laid eyes on peter

and

okay so maybe part of mj is super excited about this. but another part is also freaking out because she doesn’t want anyone to know that she and peter are soulmates

and then the door to the bathroom opens and peter comes jogging down the hall. and lily smirks at mj, pats her on the head, and says, “i wish you two the best of luck” before jumping off her chair and bouncing up the stairs, saying a brief goodbye to peter

peter gives michelle a quizzical look, small smile on his face that she chooses to ignore. michelle walks over to the television and plops down on the couch, looking at peter expectantly

he follows shortly after and sits down next to her, smiling brightly

and she feels a swell in her heart and he looks so precious and happy to just be here. so she takes a deep breath and goes out on a limb. “don’t think too much into this loser.”

and before he can ask any questions, she grabs his hand and holds it in hers

“okay, parker, what movie do you want to watch?”

#spiderman homecoming #spiderman: homecoming #spideychelle #michelle jones #peter parker #michelle x peter #peter x michelle #mj x peter #peter x mj #sh #otp: i'm just kidding i don't care #i write things #hello here you go #i hope this is okay

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significant-what · 7 years

Note

18, can will be the one crying b/c He doesn't find himself a good enough nurse?

18. While someone’s crying (you can get a crying will but for another reason bc i have big feelings about this)

Will lost a patient. That is evident as soon as Nico comes home and hears the eerie quiet of their apartment. There are only so many reasons Will wouldn’t be listening to music or humming as he cooked or cleaned or did whatever. And considering the difficult case he’s been worried about for several weeks now…

Nico leaves his shoes and coat and bag to the hall and silently makes his way through the apartment to the bedroom. He finds Will lying on Nico’s side of the bed, hugging a pillow and legs folded close to his chest, staring at the wall without probably really seeing anything. He looks so small and vulnerable like that, his face emotionless but ready to crumble under the slightest pressure.

It breaks Nico’s heart.

Without saying a word, Nico walks to the bed and lies down behind Will, carefully wrapping an arm around him to avoid startling him. Will is stiff, his muscles tense, but when Nico presses against his back he takes a hand and squeezes it so hard Nico’s fingers could break. Nico pushes a knee between both of Will’s, pulls him closer, and presses his lips comfortingly to the back of his neck.

Little by little the tension leaves Will’s body, but with the momentary calm comes the tremble; quiet sobs shaking Will’s body as he tries to keep them in, tries to be strong in a way he doesn’t need to be, tries to not fall apart. Will has always been soft, he’s always felt things deeper than Nico can understand, and for all the times Will has helped him calm down after a nightmare there are just as many times Nico has been there for Will’s cries and fears.

“You’re the one that told me”, Nico whispers against Will’s skin and strokes his knuckles with his thumb, “that being able to cry over a loss is the strongest thing a soldier can do.”

Will turns around in Nico’s arms and buries his face to the soft fabric of Nico’s shirt before letting the tears fall freely. Nico holds him tightly, dying a tiny bit inside with every sob and whimper, and runs a hand up and down Will’s back in a what he hopes is a soothing motion. His other hand buries itself to Will’s hair, holding Will’s head safely tucked under his chin as their bodies shake from the power of Will’s cries.

Nico knows words are pointless. He’s never been good with them, and this is not the time to start experimenting. And he knows how he himself would feel in his weakest moments if someone were to shoot empty words and promises to his face. Things will be okay, eventually, that is true, but that’s not something you want to hear when your whole world is gloom and dark.

“She was barely eleven, Nico”, are the first words Will manages to get out between the tears. Nico hates to hear them, hates that Will has to face dying children most every day, but he holds on tight and listens and maybe lets a tear fall on his own cheek, too. “She was just a child, how can - how can the fates be so cruel?”

Not having an answer that would be satisfactory to either of them, Nico stays quiet and just kisses Will’s hairline softly. It’s a question he has had frequently since he first learned about the nasty old ladies, and no matter how much he tries he will never understand what good could ever come from letting innocent children die. What he does understand is Will’s need to work in the children’s ward, helping and trying to prevent every death that he can, but in these moments where even that isn’t enough it’s hard to see the point in anything.

All Nico can do is hold Will through the sobs, smooth back his hair and help him breathe when it becomes too much. In and out, slowly, in and out, until all that’s left is bloodshed eyes and trembling lips and a wet spot of tears and snot on Nico’s shirt. That’s when Nico finally dares to smile, just a little, just enough to make Will know he’s proud of him regardless of what he thinks of himself.

Will tilts his head up enough to press their foreheads together. It’s something he’s always found comfort in, they both have, and Nico can feel calm settle in their bones.

“Why couldn’t I save her? Why couldn’t I save an innocent child, just this once?”

Will is not asking him, not really. Nico knows that, but still he cups Will’s cheek gently and presses a soft kiss on his lips before whispering, “Because when you take off the armor, every soldier is still only human.”

(thanks for the prompts, everyone!)

#solangelo #solangelo fanfiction #nico di angelo #will solace #fic prompt #i'm not crying you're crying

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bba-sae · 7 years

Text

The Curious Case Of the Missing Confession

@macfullyloaded-ah OMG CUTE CUTE CUTEEEE! Thanks for requesting lovely!(: I hope you like it!

Pairing: Sicheng/Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2k

Summary: Maybe you didn’t like him, maybe you were just as shy as he was, maybe there was someone in the background fucking up a perfectly glorious moment for the both of you.

Author’s Note: OMG I GOT A REQUEST. How cool is that, and it’s perfect bc I love sicheng, who doesn’t love sicheng. He’s an absolute cutie and I would protect him with my life. Honestly, I totally see Sicheng being so awkward when he confesses, so I love this request! I hope you enjoy it(: And my requests are still open!

Do it.

No, don’t do it.

No seriously, do it.

Holy shit she’s right there. Run.

Yeah Run.

These were the thoughts that ran through Sicheng’s head daily as he watched you, in your stupidly cute, unintentionally heart wrenching glory.

Seriously, who even looks cute in school uniforms. Disrespectful.

Though he talked to you often, sparking conversations in between class periods, he believed he would never get used to the fact that yes, you really did know him. After years of pining for you, you had finally been put in seats adjacent to the other. A marvelous feat indeed. This way, Sicheng could send a casual “haha school sucks doesn’t it,” or a “whats up” to you just by turning his head to the side. In the coolest manner possible, because hey, girls like cool guys.

But now the idea of confessing was on his mind, thanks to the faithful advice of Jaehyun, the self proclaimed love doctor who knew girls like the back of his hand. Or, at least that’s what Jaehyun claims and Sicheng is far too dazed in infatuation that he can’t really tell the difference.

“So your just going to stare at her creepily from afar and hope it builds up from there?” The older boy asked the week before, during lunch which Sicheng also spent staring at you afar. Jaehyun’s honesty was brutal at times, but honest nonetheless. “I’m just saying, why don’t you tell her you like her? How bad could that possibly be?”

“She could reject me and refuse to ever speak to me again.” Sicheng answered without looking up from his food. The rest of the boys he sat with decided to chime in as well.

“Her dad might be a cop.” Taeyong suggested from the side.

“She could have a boyfriend.” Johnny added, bringing in yet another possibility that Sicheng never thought of to begin with.

“She could tell him that she’s only sexually attracted to poles.” Ten paused before continuing, “so hey, I guess you still have a chance Sicheng.” He snickered nudging his friend. Sicheng rolled his eyes before continuing to pick at the plate, losing his appetite anyways.

“Okay guys shut up, you’re freaking Sicheng out.” Jaehyun waved his hands to shush his friends and focused back on the helpless love sick puppy at hand. “She doesn’t have a boyfriend, her dad is an accountant, and I don’t think we’ll meet another girl who proudly announces she’s attracted to poles.” Jaehyun shuddered at the thought.

“You seem to know an awful lot about Sicheng’s girl. Are you sure you aren’t the creepy one?” Doyoung questioned, clearly messing with his friend. Sicheng’s head perked up at the thought, feeling threatened in more ways than before. Jaehyun seemed to catch his drift, explaining himself before the situation got messy.

“No, not at all. She’s not my type, her sister is though and she doesn’t mind helping my friends out with their crushes.”

“You told her sister about me?” Sicheng looks up at his friend, who is casually sitting on the table, feet resting on the chair. A surge of nervousness rushes through Sicheng, he knew how close you and your sister was. And sisters talk about things, like boy things, like Sicheng liking you things. This was not good, this was the end- he thought.

“Chill out, she’s sworn to secrecy. I made her promise. She wants it to work out too you know.” Sicheng finally breaths, only half convinced but it’s the only half he can still cling on to. “She thinks you should confess to, it’s about damn after what, eleven years of liking her.”

“Unrealistic, if I confess to her, I have to speak to her alone, by ourselves, with no one around.” Sicheng replied, to nervous to speak coherent phrases, “I can’t do that.”

Though Jaehyun had dropped the topic after that reply, the idea had stuck with Sicheng for the rest of the week. Maybe it was finally time to say something, and you looked so pretty today, maybe he was tired of waiting.

“Hi Sicheng, how’s it going today?” You chirp sweetly as you take your seat next to him. You swiftly cross your legs under your desk, a habit Sicheng caught awhile ago. You never liked sitting in chairs properly, he thought it was cute.

Sicheng stares in front of himself for awhile, still contemplating running away because now all he can think of is the fact that he could tell you how he really feels, and the outcomes after that are split. Which means there is still a 50% chance that you would like him.

But there’s also a 50% chance that you don’t. And that’s all Sicheng seems to care about.

Its far longer than Sicheng has been keeping track of and you place a hand on his shoulder in worry, “Are you okay?” You question, a concerned look revealing itself to him. Only then does Sicheng turn his head to look at you. He takes a moment to look at you, you didn’t have the time to do your hair, but it still looked perfect to Sicheng, and your eyes droop with tiredness but still exude a bright aura that he could not get enough of.

“I have to pee.” is all Sicheng says before he’s darting out of the classroom in the hallway outside. You laugh to yourself after he leaves the room, confused at his display. He must be tired today- you think, going on with your work for the day.

The next day comes with all new possibilities for Sicheng to embarrass himself, as well as an all new plan that was conjured during the late hours of the night before. Sicheng triumphantly strolled into class, triumphantly sits down next to you and triumphantly sends you his signature nod because, yeah he’s still cool.

You sweetly accept his greeting, the event of the day before already forgotten. The first half the day goes on, and Sicheng surprisingly survives through it. A feat he didn’t think he could accomplish since he had been thinking of his brilliant plan since this morning. Oh right, he missed listening to the entire lecture but he figures it wasn’t important anyways.

Lunch time arrives, and Sicheng stays in the classroom for a little longer after everyone leaves. He looks around for any witnesses and reaches into his backpack to reveal the homemade cookies he whipped out at 3am in the morning. He didn’t get any sleep, but hey, he might get a girlfriend which is way more important.

A note is neatly attached to the plate with a sweet confession from the boy too shy to say it to your face.

“She’s going to love this.” Sicheng whispers and smiles to himself before grabbing his things and meeting his friends in the cafeteria.

When Sicheng returns to his desk, he’s happy to see you sitting there, the plate of cookies nowhere to be seen. You must’ve taken them already- he thought, already feeling a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. The boy hesitantly sits down next to you, watching you as you jot notes down in your planner. His gaze doesn’t falter and the fact that you’re not saying anything is killing him in every way possible. He lets out a cough to let you know he’s there, you turn your head to look at him.

“Oh, hi Sicheng. How was lunch?” You casually ask, a smile on your face following.

“It was great. It was good. Yeah it was pretty good.” Sicheng nods, fumbling over his thoughts, “How was lunch for you? Get anything interesting?” He questions, leaning in as if preparing himself for rejection.

You think for a moment before answering, “I packed a chocolate bar in my lunch. That was pretty good!” You innocently say, making Sicheng go insane in the process. You weren’t mentioning the cookies and confession at all, why weren’t you saying anything, Why. Weren’t. You. Mentioning. Them. His thoughts are screaming within the confinement of his skull at this point.

“Oh, I see, congrats.” Sicheng nods once more, before returning to his notebook, which evidently didn’t have any notes in them.

“Maybe she doesn’t like cookies.” Jaehyun suggests, walking along Sicheng’s side as they walk down the streets after school. Sicheng shrugs, not feeling in the mood to talk at this point. “Maybe you suck at baking.”

“Shouldn’t she just tell me that?”

“Maybe she didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but also wants you to try harder. I’d try again, but buy something better. Like brownies or something.”

“I doubt she didn’t mention it because she didn’t like the cookies. It’s because she doesn’t like me.” Sicheng solemnly says, gaze not moving from the ground as he kicks the stray pebbles.

“That’s not true,” Jaehyun mumbles, “I promise that’s not it, just try again okay?” He nudges Sicheng’s shoulder and the boy merely nods, desperately hoping his friend was right.

That night, Sicheng makes a stop at the closest bakery, getting a treat he knows can’t be refused.

Two weeks pass, two weeks of treats at lunch, two weeks of no mention of any confession between the two of you.

Sicheng, persistent as he was, was losing his patience.

You sat down in your desk after lunch, Sicheng following shortly after you. The boy sits in his seat grumpily, folding his arms across his chest, not glancing at you in the slightest. You lift your hand to wave at him but awkwardly retreat when he blatantly ignores you. You cough, trying to get his attention, an attempt that proved futile very quickly.

“Are you okay Sicheng?” You ask, worry clearly flooding your voice. Sicheng huffs in annoyance before turning his head toward you, his body still slumped in his seat.

“Yeah. I am.” He curtly replies, his tone surprising you. Sicheng is never this serious or angry, or at least you never see him like this. You press on, feeling more and more worried.

“You don’t seem like it.”

“Huh, what a shame. Sorry about that I guess.” He answers, his attitude testing your own patience for him.

“Are you angry at me?”

“Angry at you?” Sicheng says sarcastically, rolling his eyes, “How could I.”

“What did I do?” You question, your tone sounding more confused than angry. Two emotions you felt bubbling through you.

“What you didn’t do you mean.” He says, not looking at your eyes anymore. Sicheng was hurt, and he didn’t understand why you wouldn’t just tell him to his face you didn’t like him. He wanted so desperately to like him after all, and if you didn’t he wouldn’t mind, he just wanted to you to tell him. Your lack of response cued for Sicheng to go on, “If you don’t like me, please just tell me. Instead of eating the treats I get you without a word of my confession. I can handle the rejection okay, we can still be friends, I’d rather be exiled from Korea than stop being friends with you, I just would like an answer you kn-”

“You like me?” You peep, feeling your heart swell in excitement. Finally- you thought.

“Wait, what?”

“Did you finally confess to me?” You ask, “Because thats what it seems like and I just want to make sure I’m not reading this wrong.” Sicheng sits up and turns to you, one hand on his desk.

“I’ve been confessing to you for the past two weeks, thats what I was so angry about. I baked you cookies and bought you treats for two weeks with a confession on each one.”

You look at him confused, shaking your head, “No way. I haven’t seen anything.” You reply, both of your confusion building up. Sicheng nods before realizing the situation at hand.

“Wait- finally? What does that mean? Oh god I have so many questions. Did you know I liked you?”

You giggle, a sound that Sicheng has learned to love throughout these years, “Of course I knew, my sister told me.” Sicheng shoots a glare at the back of Jaehyun’s head before looking back at you, nervously anticipating for you to go on. “Don’t be nervous. I like you too. I’m flattered that you got all those treat for me too, even though I have no idea where they went..” You sigh leaning back in your chair.

Sicheng smiles too and watches you as you retrieve your pencil back in your hand. That’s all he can do at this point because he did it, he finally did it and it didn’t blow up his face and he can breath finally after two weeks and you like him, you actually seriously like him.

Sicheng almost forget about the missing treats. Almost.

“Alright, which one of you ate them.” SIcheng shoots a glare at the lunch table, hand tightly holding onto yours as you stand beside him.

“Hey look at you! You guys finally got together!” Jaehyun shouts, excitement bubbling through his voice. Sicheng shoots him a glare.

“Shut up, I’m not trusting you with any secrets again.” You laugh beside him, leaning into his side. “Seriously though, which one of you made me go insane for two weeks?”

“How do you know it was one of u-” Taeil is interrupted immediately as Haechan points a finger at Mark, who sits across from him rather quietly.

“Mark ate them. All of them.”

“What the hell Haechan! You said you wouldn’t tell!” Mark defensively replies, catching Sicheng’s death glare from afar. He shudders at the sight.

“Yeah but then you didn’t let me copy your homework the other day, so consider this payback.”

The two of you laugh at the sight, somewhat thankful for Mark’s action, because in the end he finally did it and the both of you couldn’t be happier.

#nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct imagine #nct 127 #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct winwin #nct sicheng #winwin #sicheng #winwin imagine #sicheng imagines #nct fluff #nct 127 fluff #sicheng fluff #winwin fluff

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prinxiety-logicalitysanderssides · 7 years

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1-97 NOW ITS UR TURN I DONT EVEN CARE THAT THIS IS MY MAIN U GOTTA SUFFER TOO

I. BLOODY. DID. IT. ITS TAKEN ME /TWO DAYS/ BUT I’VE DONE IT @princeyandanxiety and I’m tagging @use-it-ironically Ironi u do it too pls. I was subjected to this after I subjected Bella to this so now u have to.

Btw this is NSFW ( some of it) and mentions suicide/depression cause I went there. There is some serious truth tea in this god damnit. I put thought and love into this. And also memes but mostly LOVE and boredom. I also feel like I forgot to answer a question or two but whatever. This is 97 questions long. And it’s 2818 words.

By the end of this, you will understand that I am a wreck

Ask me things1. What’s your middle name? No.

2. What are you listening to right now? The sound of typing cause I’m not listening to music. Also the sound of my breath and the wind in the trees. V/ relaxing. (( that was yesterday, today I’m listening to MCR and sanders Sides videos at a loud volume on chromecast on my tv))

3. What was the last thing you ate? ¼ of a cup of icing sugar. I ate it out of the measuring cup lmao.

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mum. I do talk to other people, I swear! I’m just not good at phone calls

5. Do you drink? No and I won’t in the future. Lemonade all the way if I have to drink smth.

6. Do you smoke? No and I never ever will.

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Someone as in??? Random or??. In Randoms I usually notice people’s faces and then clothes, especially if they’re eye catching. I notice memorabilia/fan stuff pretty quickly as well.

8. What is your hair color? Brown but I use hair dye to make it partially blue or purple or red sometimes. It doesn’t work very well unless I bleach my hair and I can’t do that till I’m 16 which sucks. I use hair spray every now and again, I have white hair spray and glitter hair spray, and I used to have blue as well. Glitters my favourite . I also have a full rainbow of hair chalk but my friends and I dropped it at one point during the Hair Incident of Grade Eight which is what I’m calling it now.

9. What is your eye color? Blue/Grey ish. 10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Nope. My mum says I will if I keep looking at my screen for hours on end though. I don’t want glasses cause my 20/20 vision is serving me well and I like it.

11. Dogs or cats? Rabbits.

12. What’s your favorite animal? Rabbits/see above

13. What’s your favorite television show? Gilmore girls. Hands down the best.

14. What’s your favorite movie? I don’t really have one? Princess Bride, Sound of Music and the Captain America movies. Oh and Heathers.

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? I can’t choose but Alessia Cara comes to mind? Scars to your Beautiful? And MCR. And Panic! At the Disco and Fall Out Boy. I’m an emo nightmare tbh

16. How old are you? Bich no u can guess. I’m a minor tho.

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. But I want a girlfriend/datemate ( all the boys my age are awful and the girls/nonbinary people r better)

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual. To keep it simple anyway.

19. What’s your favorite color? Aqua blue/ the green of Australian forests

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? Going up on stage in like,, grade six, for a talent show, that I decided to volunteer for THAT DAY and literally singing which is fine but I kept shuffling not dancing and the other kid I was doing it with was kinda dancing and we fucking sucked. But I’m at a different school half the city away now thank god.

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Characters in stories, yeah, but like, I want to be in their universe, with their mind and my mind combined so I’m more them than me but I also remember that I want to give people a piece of my mind and fix the universe and make everyone happy but also have angst before that. I project a lot tbh. Oh well.

22. What were you like when you were a kid? I ran away from the class a lot, a ‘difficult’ and 'problem’ child. I have ADHD.

23. What would your dream house be like? Huge, I would want to have lots of pets and secret rooms and a big library and have it surrounded by country side and let scouts have camps near by and stuff

24. What last made you laugh? There were a few things but I forgot damn. But probably my bunnies antics I swear they r ridiculous sometimes( all the time) (( that was yesterday, today its sanders Sides videos again whoops))

25. What is your favorite word ? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) its called a Lenny and I love it

26. What is your least favorite word? Poo. Or moist. Both are awful.

27. What turns you on? Coffee when I wake up

28. What turns you off? Sleeping pills

29. What is your star sign? Aquarius

30. What are your favorite books? TAMORA PIERCE’S 'The circle of Magic ’ quartet and all of its sequels and Tamora Pierces 'The Lionness’ quartet and her 'Protector of the small’ quartet, really, all of her books. Also the Obernewtyn series which is FUCKING AMAZING. ITS BY AN AUSSIE AUTHOR, ISOBELLE CARMODY WHO IVE MEET TWICE AND THEY R SMAZINGSOWNFKEFKWJCKD YES.

31. Do you have any siblings? Only child, suck it.

32. Do you like to dance?Yes, but I’m not a professional or up to date with the latest ~moves~

33. What is your definition of cheating? This is hard cause my definition is in my head but it’s hard to explain. I’m gonna try though.( ACTUALLY I’m gonna come back and write this later) (( lmao I never did go back and write this but it basically depends on what people in a relationship have agreed it to mean bc I’m tired and this is complicated))

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? No I’ve never dated anyone.

35. Do you regret anything? A few things. Not gonna get into them tho. I do regret not working harder in grade seven and eight.

36. Do you have any phobias? Not really no. I hate leeches with a fiery passion and there are spiders next to my shower which I don’t like but other than that, no.

37. Ever broken any bones? No and I’d like to understand what it feels like tbh

38. Ever come close to death? When I walk anywhere cause I’m yes. Does being suicidal back when I was eleven count? And the fact it recurs every now and again? Also

39. What is your religion, if any? I piece together my own world view, based on many philosophies and science.

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? I’m going to one rn actually. School counsellor who is great and has lollipops and also let my friends and I play monopoly in her office all lunch. I lost. The bell was about to go so I just flipped the board upside down cause why not? My friends made me clean it up lmao 41. Are looks important in a relationship? Depends

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? I pray I’m more like my mum as my dad is an awful person tbh

43. What is your favorite season? Whichever one I’m not sneezing in/ when it’s warm/ I don’t really have one

44. Do you have any tattoos? No 45. Do you have any piercings? I did have normal ear piercings but they grew over

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? None

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Have you met me

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Thomas Sanders

49. Are you a virgin? Again, have you meet me. YES. Obviously.

50. Do you get jealous easily? Define 'jealous’. I mean, kind of. Not usually.

51. What is your favorite type of food? Pasta.

52. Do you ever want to get married?Depends, I mean, LGBT marriage isn’t legal in Australia for whatever fucking stupid reason ( the reason is homophobic pollies, literally 90% of Australia wants fucking gay marriage goddamnit)

53. Who was your first kiss with? Lmao I haven’t had one

54. Have you ever been cheated on? See above

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? ?'not sure tbh?

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Extroverted introvert. I like meeting people and i have lots of friends but I also need my space. I’m an introvert.

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? After seeing the 'thingu’ video, I hope not. I do believe in other life but not as sentient as us? Well, at least I don’t think we will find any sentient aliens now that we elected trump tbh

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?Be a great dancer?

59. What is your saddest memory? Not today Satan

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe you can find someone aesthetically pleasing at first sight, at first talk, you can like them for their personality. So kind of? But not really. Movie love sucks tho. Unrealistic.

61. Do you believe in soul mates? Kind of. I wish we had a soulmate au irl

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? See above ( yes)

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?I don’t really look at gossip so??? No? They could be talking about me all the time lmao I got bullied from 11-13 years old but that’s different and now I can’t be fucking bothered to listen to bullies

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?Depending on the circumstances. I’m not evil. Very rarely would I ever do that and I have never actually done that.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? . My teachers think I have asbergers(autism) and I agree but my parents don’t . NSFW as hell?? I mean most people would look at my chumb face and think I’m innocent i would guess. . I want a datemate? Like I haven’t really acknowledged that but like every opnow and again this Year and

66. Who are you jealous of? People who get more likes than me

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?Yes, but only if my bed is clean IE It has been washed within the last week. Sometimes I don’t wash my sheets for a month and i don’t want to subject my Rabbit toy to that. She’s thirty-nine years old.

68. How long was your longest relationship? No

69. Is the glass half empty or half full?Half empty, I drank half the water.

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Nsfw fanfiction for sanders sides. Nah, I don’t really know as I’m still in high school I’m in Grade Nine . So like? How would I know? (But seriously pls write more nsfw)

71. Who is your most loyal friend? My best friend Addy? ( she was the one we tried to comb her hair) or you people

72. Are you in a relationship? Ok this is getting annoying

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Come ON.

74. Are you a bad person? Depends. Is the scale puppies to trump or a grumpy cat to trump. Cause I’m in the low-middle of the first scale and at the bottom of the second.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? I wanna fite but I don’t bite and I’m usually just high as a kite.

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Like… nothing. Mum and I have to save money for scout camps ( there’s a big Venture I’m going on at the start of next year, AV2018) and I couldn’t be bothered to have a birthday party when I would have to have one just before or after term starts, my birthday is the 24th of Jan. Usually I have my party like a week after school starts again but I couldn’t be bothered.

77. What is your favorite quote and why? “I’m sceptical that you could, yet intrigued that you may” I got it off a screenshot on tumblr ALSO “What are you looking at?” “ Something Replusive” “I’m not a mirror Karen” from the fanfiction Iris Zero, my fav Hetalia fan fic about Romerica. Also “I’m hella pan with a hella plan” off tumblr.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? I would be a fucking wreck and I’m not gonna think about it.

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? If i went back and time and changed smth, i wouldn’t be me anymore, but I would go back and get a proper depression diagnosis bc we knew I had it but I’m a good actor so the doctors couldn’t diagnose the kid who was fucking suicidal great job Australia ANYWAY

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? My mum texted me this morning ( btw I did this ask over a couple days) with 'If you die today would you like the last thing you spent your precious life hours on to be tumblr??’ I responded with 'yes’ to be a bitch and also bc I kinda would? I would get all my friends and all of the food I wanted, write my will, etc. I’d go fucking ridiculous with what I’d do tbh. All the adventurous activities .

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? One time when I was 11, I had a dream I was a princess with a guy servant and a girl lady in waiting/servant and we were all bffs, ( looking normal so far lmao), and then we were getting chased around my kingdom by a guy with a floppy dick which was flopping around like a bendy/wobble pencil. Both friends sacrificed themselves to stop him and made me keep running away lol

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? I don’t know

83. Who were you in a past life? The human embodiment of Anxiety Sanders

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?Lazy sunny days with my mum. Chores and relaxing. Cooking.

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Not,,,, really,, see above, I,, haven’t really had any experience with love

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? I don’t think so?

87. If you were the prime minister , what would you do? Fucking Marriage Equality, Safe schools is mandatory, sexual assault/homelessness/youth in crisis support is fucking fixed and improved, Scouts is connected to schools, primary school system revised, improved and fixed, high school system improved, counselling is better overall, science in all grades, maths teaching is improved over all, teachers can get constructive criticism from students and will LISTEN to them. Abuse is redefined as both emotional and psychical and people start to understand that, neurodivergents are fucking accommodated more, same for disabled people. Mental illness are listened to for fucks sake.

88. What is your ideal career? Engineer, scientist, musician, YouTuber, anything that makes me happy and makes people happy and supports people. I also want money tbh so A) i can donate to charity B) i want to transition and all I fucking love memey products.

89. What is your political affiliation?/90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal. When I vote, I will weight my options and choose which ever is the least awful tbh. I’m an intersectional feminist meaning I support poc, the wider LGBT+ community, feminism, people with mental illness, neurodivergents and disabled people.

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?Male doesn’t get periods so u decide

92. Do you like kissing in public? I’ve seen people kiss in public ONCE in my life so like?? Do what you want

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Unlike my prime minister answer, I’m thinking smaller here : everyone is allowed to transition/get married/ all LGBTAI+ rights are legalised

94. Where would you like to live? Huge house full of secret tunnels and it’s all waterproof and I keep rescue pets and secretly help refugees there so they can get a normal life again. There would be huge libraries. In the countryside as well. Tazmania probably. Or Melbourne in a nice house with my rabbits and datemate/s

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?I’d want to go on a world tour and meet all my mutuals and the people I am fans of.

96. Describe yourself in one word.Chaotic ( good lmao)(( jk every time i take that chaotic/neutral/lawful quiz I get lawful good but lawful good is was I aspire to be and chaotic good is what I am. ))

97. Describe yourself in one sentenceVery. Fucking. Complicated. Wreck. Who Loves All My Mutuals and Friends So Much.

#me #asks #97 question ask

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