#all i ever wanted was to be happy with myself. i cant even live up to my own expectations. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mingigoo · 10 months

Note

hi sie!! i'm happy to see that your requests are open and would like to request something myself c: 1. seonghwa 2. roommate au 3. prompts 11 and 17 4. with spice please 🙏 thanks so much! i rly appreciate you and your writing even if you can't get to this 💕

I hope you like this!!! really enjoyed writing this one :)

— sleep-talker || p.sh (m.)

“You know you sleep talk?”

“Stop looking at me like that.

🌊pairing ⇢ (fem) reader x roommate! Seonghwa

🌊 summary ⇢ when you and your friends decide on a trip to the beach for spring break, you get stuck rooming with the man you "hate" the most. The line between love and hate is as thin as ice, and you were about to break it.

🌊 genre/au ⇢ roommates au, vacation au, one bed trope, forced proximity au, smut

🌊 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ minors DNI, wet dreams, fingering, rough sex, unprotected sex, cream pie, PDA, "enemies" to lovers, one-bed trope, teasing, jealousy, intense tension like holy hell

🌊 word count ⇢ 10.2k words

🌊 taglist ⇢ @jjhmk @yesv01 @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @yukine-smx @y00nzin0 @8tinytings @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts (please let me know if I forgot you!)

masterlist

ateez masterlist

“Are you for real right now?”

Spring break. A time for rest, relaxation, and lots and lots of sex.

And now, your plans of being a whore for the vacation were ruined.

“Yes, y/n. I can't afford another room just for you to have to yourself,” Hongjoong, your older brother, mumbled as he stuffed the last bit of clothes into his luggage. “You’ll have to room with Seonghwa. San and Wooyoung already called each other.”

He zipped up his suitcase and stood up to leave, but he couldn't get off that easily. “Please, Joong. I’ll do anything. Cant I just room with you and Mingi?” he hastily made his way out of his room and into the living room, trying his hardest to get away from you. “I’ll sleep on the floor. No blanket, just the floor. Please.”

He turned to face you, a confused expression on his face. “Why are you so adamant about not staying with Hwa? What did he ever do to you?” he asked you, genuinely curious. The truth is, he did nothing to you personally. Maybe that was why you hated him, because god, if he gave you the time of day, you would pounce on him like a cat in heat.

You groaned, running a hand through your messy, unwashed hair. “Because he’s a dumb ass jerk that gets everything he wants.”

Hongjoong laughed at you and turned away. “It's only a week, y/n. He’ll probably spend most of his time in our room, anyway. Just bring a book to read or something to distract yourself.”

As if reading is the thing you'll be focused on if you were in a room with him. Oh Nah, you'll be wishing he’d walk around shirtless and hoping he somehow takes a shower and walks out with nothing on—

“I hope you're packed and ready….” Joong trailed off as he looked at your messy exterior, and stifled a laugh. “And if you're thinking of getting laid, you might want to shower.”

You slapped him on the shoulder, having no drive to shower. You'll get one when you get there. It's not like you were that stinky.

“Shut up, dickhead.”

You stood on the sidewalk of your apartment building, Hongjoong’s little yellow Geo Tracker sitting there lookin’ all cute. However, the tiny thing only had five seats.

There were six of you.

“Welp looks like I can't go! What a shame, what a shame,” you sarcastically yelled out, tossing your hands in the air exasperatedly. “Have fun without me!”

“Shut your mouth, will you?” Hongjoong groaned, tossing your luggage into the “trunk” or whatever it was. “It's only a ride to the airport. You can sit on someone’s lap for ten minutes.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Why am I the one that has to do that? Wooyoung is like the size of my arm. He can do it.”

Joong shut the trunk with force at your comment, totally disregarding you. “Hop in,” he said. “Enjoy shotgun while you have the chance.”

You got in reluctantly, even though you were very excited about the beach itself. Your excitement was short-lived as you approached the devil’s lair.

“Stay here, I’ll go help them,” Hongjoong mumbled, pushing his sunglasses up on his forehead as he put the car in park.

You nodded, your arms crossed over your chest. You didn't mind the rest of the group— San and Wooyoung always knew how to make you laugh, and Mingi was absolutely eye candy. You wouldn't mind sitting on his lap on the way to the airport.

Just as you got comfortable with your head resting against the window, the door abruptly opened, causing you to nearly fall out of the vehicle. “For fuck’s sake, who the hell—” your words got caught in your throat as you met eyes with Park fucking Seonghwa. “Oh, it's you…”

He stood there, his thin torso draped in a sheer white top and his long, lean legs covered in a pair of black pants. You swallowed your drool like a schoolgirl, making sure he never knows how you think of him.

“What?” you raised your eyebrow, not moving an inch and not even reaching to unplug your seatbelt. “This seat’s taken, buddy.”

He snickered, his lips mockingly curled up in a sneer. “Oh, aren't you a sweetheart? Now move, I called shotgun.”

“Well, I did first.”

“No, you didn't.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No.”

“Yes—”

“Neither of you are getting shotgun,” your brother laughed from behind Seonghwa, San and Wooyoung giggling like the goofs they are next to him. You still didn't move, even as Joong approached and unbuckled your seatbelt for you. “Y/N, please help me out here.”

You debated on throwing a fit, but knowing that it would just cause more problems, you sighed and pushed yourself out of the front seat. Now standing on the curb of the sidewalk right in front of Seonghwa, you tilted your head up to look him in the eyes. His gaze was intense—it made you envision what it would be like in bed, looking down at him from above, and how his eyebrows would knit together in pleasure. God, you needed to get laid this vacation, or you were going to be suffering from delusions.

Without warning, Mingi pushed through both of you, interrupting your staring contest.

“We better go, I don't want to listen to their bickering any longer,” the tall boy huffed as he plopped himself in the front seat, a proud smile resting on his lips.

San sat in the backseat on the right, Wooyoung next to him in the middle. That left either you or seonghwa to fight to the death for that last seat, but you knew how this was going to end.

And it wasn't going to end well.

—

“You comfortable, y/n?” your brother called from the driver’s seat, looking back at you through the rearview mirror.

You frowned so deeply you could've sworn your face was permanently stuck like that.

There you were, in the back of the car, in the most uncomfortable seat ever. Seonghwa groaned underneath you, his bony body not offering you any wiggle room. You didn't answer your brother, you were certain your expression was enough of a response.

You adjusted yourself on Seonghwa’s lap, looking out the window for any distraction. As you moved, you felt him move his hips, and you had to shut away your filthy thoughts about him as soon as they came. Between his movements and his groans, your stomach was knotting in something more than butterflies.

The car was filled with conversation, however, you and Seonghwa remained quiet and in your own little worlds. As the others bantered, you pushed yourself up further on his lap, grimacing as you heard him let out a grunt in your ear.

And then when his hands gripped onto your bare thighs, you were the one to gasp.

“Stop moving,” he whispered in your ear with haste, almost like a sneer. You kept your vision forward as his breath danced in your ear. “It hurts.”

You swallowed hard. “Oh? Is your little dick that sensitive?” you whispered back, smirking. You moved again, this time on purpose, feeling his bulge through his pants. You kept your cool, ignoring his shaky breaths from behind you. “Are you that happy to see me, Hwa?”

“Shut your mouth or you won’t see the sunrise,” he hissed, but his voice was weak.

The ten-minute ride felt like an eternity as he breathed underneath you, your mind constantly thinking about how hard he was getting underneath you and how sweet it would be to turn around and face him to see his reaction to you.

You looked to your right, seeing Wooyoung with a knowing smile on his face. “What?” you asked him, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged, grinning. “Nothing, nothing,” he said, letting out a giggle. “Just that you both seem…cozy.”

You slapped him on the shoulder, your movements causing Seonghwa to wiggle underneath you.

“Dammit, Y/N I told you to stop moving,” he seethed, his grip on your thigh tightening. Hongjoong looked back through the mirror, worry in his expression.

“Everything okay?” he asked, meeting your eyes before focusing on the road once again. “We’re almost there, only about a minute or two.”

“Ten-minute ride my ass,” you mumbled, and as you entered the Airport, you should've known that there were going to be speed bumps on the way in….

The shitty old car hopped over the bump, feeling like it hit a huge boulder. You bounced up, not held by any seatbelt, landing hard, right on Seonghwa’s family jewels.

“Fuck,” he cried, tossing his head back against the headrest. Your hands were now holding onto his legs for dear life.

“Joong, will you slow down for those things? Some of us are suffering back here,” you said, to which seonghwa started laughing.

“You're telling me.” he scoffed.

“Okay okay, I just have to park. I have no idea how this works….where the hell is the long-term parking—”

“Probably over there,” Mingi pointed in the opposite direction.

“No, no, I think it’s—”

“I can't take this anymore!” you cried out, leaning forward to assist Hongjoong since Mingi isn't helping. “There's a huge sign in front of us. How can you miss that? It spells it out, dammit.” you huffed, throwing yourself back into your “seat.” This time, he didn't let out a single groan, probably just as fed up with you as you were with him.

Finally, Hongjoong found the lot and parked the car, and as soon as it was stationary, you tossed yourself out of the vehicle like there was no tomorrow. You knew that you couldn't last a minute more on his lap, because if you did, you would be so tempted to turn around and make out with those painfully pretty lips of his. God, he made you so mad. Ever since you met him, there were only the same thoughts circulating round and round.

Dirty thoughts.

Seonghwa crawled out of the car like a decrepit old spider, his long legs holding up his body with grace. You bit your lip, looking down at where you were sitting on him. Quickly, you looked away as he noticed your gaze, and ran away to go help the others with the luggage.

You weren't quick enough to miss the achingly attractive smirk on Seonghwa’s face.

Why did he have to be so….. libidinous? He was like a wild animal, able to take the lives away of his prey with just an expression.

No more seonghwa on the brain—it was beach time. You were certain you could find someone at a bar to sleep with later, and it wouldn't be Hwa.

Not now, not ever.

—

You got lucky with the plane ride.

Your seat buddy was Mingi, and Hongjoong knew how much you like your window seats.

Mingi nearly slept the whole flight, his head rested against your shoulder. He snored a little, but it didn't matter. The gentle giant had a place in your heart, so he could do no wrong.

You often stole glances at Seonghwa across the aisle, his head bobbing up and down as he fought his tiredness. He was so much more likable when he was sleeping, but that was definitely due to the fact that he couldn't stare at you with those entrancing eyes or run that mouth of his.

You were the only one awake by the end of the flight. It was difficult for you to sleep in public places. It didn't feel right. So you would fight off sleep as hard as you could and distract yourself with anything around you.

After the fiasco of leaving the plane, you anxiously trailed behind Hongjoong through the busy airport, pushing past loads of people who had places to be. Thank goodness you were able to leave the airport without a fuss, even if seonghwa was nearly breathing down your neck as you exited.

Luckily, the ride to the hotel wasn't far—and there were more than enough seats for all of you. You distanced yourself from Seonghwa, ignoring his hellish gaze.

The hotel you were staying at stood tall, facing the gorgeous blue ocean for a perfect view. You shut your eyes as you took everything in, smelling the saltiness and the warmth of the air. You smiled to yourself, but your delightful moment didn't last long.

Seonghwa bumped into you purposely, digging his shoulder into yours before walking past you toward the hotel entrance. “Hey, what was that for?” you growled, a scowl on your face.

“You were in the way,” is all he said, not even bothering to turn to face you as he spoke. He continued walking, his beautiful silhouette showing through his sheer shirt. Oh, you wanted to tear it off of him so badly.

You let out a huff of air, but then followed your friends into the building, knowing the end was near if you had to share the room with your snack of choice.

Hongjoong went up to the front desk as you and the boys stood near the doorway, waiting for him to check us in. It didn't take him long, and soon enough, he was walking back over, key cards in his hand, and a bright smile on his face. “All checked in! This’ll be our home for the next week.”

San grabbed his key card first. “Are we all on the same floor? Like in a row? It would be no fun if I had to actually put on clothes to go on the elevator.”

“Yes, San, we’re all on the same floor.” Hongjoong held in his laugh, already clearly enjoying his time away from reality. You stood angrily with your arms across your chest next to seonghwa, who didn't look any happier than you. “And will you two brighten up? You’re killing the vibe.”

You rolled your eyes, glancing up at the boy next to you. His dark hair was slightly frizzy from the humidity, sticking to his forehead like it would if he were sweating. You gulped, thinking dirty thoughts once more before regaining your peace of mind. “I’m not doing anything. It’s all him.”

“No, it’s all you, not me.” he retaliated.

“You’re the one that got a hard-on from me just innocently sitting on your lap.”

“You were purposely shoving your ass on me like a freak—”

“You are ruining the vacation already—”

“Annnd we’re not doing this again,” Mingi sighed and then gripped onto your arm to pull you towards the elevator.

“Let’s go, we got bars to get wrecked at.”

—

“Oh, hell no.”

You dropped your luggage as you entered your room for the week, staring at what was in it.

Or lack thereof.

One bed—a queen, maybe, sat in the middle of the room. A chair was tilted by the sliding glass doors that opened to the balcony, and a lamp stood in the corner. It was cute, of course, but you thought this couldn't get any worse.

Seonghwa walked past you into the room, setting his suitcase on the floor by the chair. “Don't worry,” he hummed, his voice low. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I–” you paused, taking in a breath before continuing. “You can sleep on the bed, I ain't that mean.”

“So you think I’m going to let my best friend’s sister sleep on the floor?” he laughed, but it wasn't out of humor. “That’s funny. I’d get my ass beat.” He sat down on the floor, stretching out his long legs before opening his suitcase. “Just forget about me like you usually do and take the bed.”

You had no snarky remarks to throw at him this time, your eyelids feeling heavier than ever. You sighed, sitting down on the bed with a thud. “Okay, fine. Wake me up when we are going to leave.”

“Yeah yeah,” he snarkily replied, too focused on his luggage in front of him. You shut your eyes slowly, holding on to your consciousness a little longer, before drifting off into a sleep that would cause an unexpected uproar a few hours later.

—

After your amazing nap, you and the boys found your way to a beach bar, sand filling the floor and loud music playing in the background. You took your rightful spot at the bar, sitting right next to Wooyoung, who was already chugging a fruity margarita.

“You should try this, Y/N,” he let out a satisfied sigh after he finished his gulp. “Tastes like fucking unicorns and rainbows.”

You laughed. “Sounds divine, but I’ll pass and get my whiskey sour.”

He grimaced. “Ew, you should spruce it up a little bit sometimes.”

San sat down on the other side of him, a fancy glass in his hands as well. “Yeah, you’re kind of a bore.”

“San what the—”

“She is, isn't she?” Seonghwa hummed from behind you, and of course, sat his ass in the chair right next to you. You groaned, ignoring him once again, although it was quite hard to not drool as he gulped his beer, his throat bobbing as he drank it.

Fucking hell.

You looked around for any sign of your brother to save you, and once you saw him, you cringed, turning right back around to face the bar. “Dear god, can't he keep his dick in his pants for five minutes?” you shivered, trying to think of anything else other than your brother making out with a random person.

Seonghwa looked back, a smirk on his face as you ordered your drink. “Hypocrite. Just last week I walked in on you with Mingi in the chem lab,” he snickered, his midnight eyes catching the neon lights behind the bar. “Your tongue was so far down his throat I swear I—”

“Says the guy who I caught watching porn freshman year in the computer lab—”

“Here’s your Whiskey sour,” the bartender awkwardly interrupted, but thank god he did. You quickly chugged it, finishing it within a minute of getting it. He gave you another right away, and you downed that one as quickly as it came. He was cute, a little on the scruffy side, but definitely a good one-night. You gave him a look, feeling accomplished as he smirked a little before serving someone else.

“Maybe you shouldn't drink so fast, y/n,” San murmured from Wooyoung’s side, his strong arms holding his weight against the table. “You get drunk really quick on an empty stomach. Remember what happened last time? You have a bad habit of trying to kiss everything you see.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, setting the empty glass down on the bar. As you did that, you felt the warmth of the alcohol fill your body. “What? Who did I kiss?”

Seonghwa laughed from the other side of you while you focused on San.

“Me.” San blinked. “Tongue and all. But not just me, you kissed the statue outside our campus. You know, that really rusty one?”

You gagged. “Ew, no. stop. No, I didn't.”

“Oh, yes you did,” Seongwha piped in, sipping on his third or fourth beer. “And then you threw up on my shoes when I brought you home.”

You let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, taking his beer right out of his hands. “Phew, thank god I didn't kiss you,” you shivered, bringing the bottle up to your lips. After you started chugging it a little bit, Hwa ripped the bottle away from you.

You felt your vision start to sway from the alcohol. You loved the feeling of being drunk—just hated the hangovers. Right now though, you wanted to get wasted and go home with a stranger. The hangover will be tomorrow’s problem.

But seonghwa had to just run his mouth once again.

“You know you talk in your sleep, right?” He laughed, a full, humorous laugh. He tossed the bottle to the back of his throat and then continued to laugh at you. “Something about how awful the airplane food was and how drinking milk reminds you of cum.” he grimaced at the last part, but a playful smile still rested on his face. “God you are explicit.”

Your cheeks flushed, looking anywhere but his direction. “I do not sleeptalk.”

You looked to Wooyoung and San for help, but they looked dumbfounded. “I wouldn't know, y/n, I never slept with you,” San smirked, smiling deviously at you. “Unless you’re down with that, I’m all for hearing you sleeptalk in my ear all night.”

“Yeah, me too,” Woo played along, knowing he was just doing it to tease you. Seonghwa, on the other hand, was trying desperately to embarrass you in front of the hot bartender.

“God, it’s so annoying, I wanted to rip my hair out earlier,” he smiled devilishly, his teeth even brighter than normal under all the neon lights. “I thought I couldn't hate you more, but you proved me wrong.”

You looked straight ahead, ignoring Seonghwa’s goofy smile. “Whatever,” you huffed, resting your face on your hand, your elbow holding up the weight. You watched the sexy bartender notice your stare. He smiled and walked over to you.

“Need another sour?” he asked, his cheeks pinched with dimples. You had your eyes set on going home with him, and you were going to follow through with it. Seonghwa can stay outside for the night—or watch, it didn't matter to you.

“Actually,” you pondered, blinking slowly as the alcohol hit your system even harder. “I’ll take a vodka and Sprite. Grey Goose.” you hummed, watching him nod with a smirk on his face.

Seonghwa chuckled, but you were too focused on your mission to hear him blab about how much he hated you over and over again. Soon enough, that damn grey goose hit you harder than anything. Your eyes fluttered after your second glass, your vision fuzzy, and your heartbeat racing.

You let out a heavy sigh, unable to remember your original mission.

“Hey,” you coughed, your cheeks burning up from the toxin. You looked around the bar, only meeting Seonghwa’s eyes…..oh…they’re so pretty. “Where did everyone else go?”

He was facing you, looking at you through those sparkling irises of his. He took in a breath, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, your brother left with that girl he was making out with earlier….San and Woo left not too long ago to go to another bar, and Mingi….” he paused, watching your expression change when mingi was mentioned. “Mingi went with them.”

“Ah,” you nodded. “Why’d you stop at mingi like that?”

He furrowed his brows. “Why’d you look like that when I mentioned him?”

You sniffled, feeling a burning sensation in your throat from all the vodka. “What do you mean?” you were too messed up to defend yourself. You didn't even know your expression changed.

“You looked…different when I said his name.”

You couldn't help but laugh at his dreary tone. “Pfft. Hwa, do you think that just because I slept with him once that I have feelings for him?”

He frowned, his eyebrows knit with confusion. “You slept with him? Mingi?”

You shrugged. “Yeah. Just once, though.” Oh god, you officially couldn't think straight. Why were you even telling him this? “But that was it.”

He looked at you with an unknown expression, flattening his lips. “So you just sleep with anyone, huh?”

You scoffed. “Well, no, not usually.” you bit your lip, looking at him without knowing how you were looking at him. “I kind of always wanted you, but I didn’t understand why, so I ignore the feeling by sleeping with other guys.”

“That makes no sense, y/n,” he spat. “What are you saying?”

You rolled your eyes, drunkenly gripping his broad shoulders, shaking him slightly. “Awh, shut it, Hwa. Haven't you ever felt that before?” you paused, not realizing how close you were. His eyes were sharp, and his lips parted. “Wanting someone you can't have? Knowing that they wouldn't want anything to do with you?”

He swallowed hard, his gaze piercing into you sharply. “You’re drunk, y/n,” he paused, looking at you intently before shaking your hands away. “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

“Oooh, don't tempt me, baby,” you poked his chest, giggling as he stood up off the barstool. You were completely oblivious to the fact that you just admitted to wanting him, but it didn't seem like he took it seriously.

“Get up,” he huffed, gripping under your arms and lifting you off your chair. You groaned, wrapping your arms around his waist. You held onto him tightly as he reached into his back pocket to grab money, tossing it onto the counter with a glare at the bartender.

“Enjoy your night,” Seonghwa growled, holding onto you, and made his way towards the hotel with you clung to him.

“Seonghwa,” you whispered, a giggle under your breath.

He grunted, pulling you along with him. “What?”

You sniffed. “Can I kiss you?”

He sighed. “No.”

“Why?” you mumbled, shoving your face into his chest.

“Because it’s your drunk habit.”

“So would you kiss me if it wasn't?” you asked, completely obliterated. There was no way you were going to remember this in the morning.

He didn't answer you.

“Come on, Hwa,” you moaned, stopping and gripping onto his collar in front of the hotel. You looked up into his eyes, feeling his intense gaze cut right through your intoxication. You needed him. Needed him bad. “Just once. God, just once.”

“I…” he swallowed, his hands twitching at his sides, crying out to touch you. He kept them away, even if he didn't want to. “Not now. Not while you’re drunk.”

You blinked slowly, watching his lips flatten into a frown. “Does that mean you want to?”

He sighed, running his hands through his hair aggressively. “Please just….let’s get back to the room and get you to bed.”

You groaned, but complied, following him into the hotel and into the elevator. The ride was silent, Seonghwa standing in the corner, farthest away from you, his breathing slowed. You stared at him, leaning up against the wall.

“I really hate you,” you mumbled, glaring at him. He was too sexy, his hair messy, his eyes dark, his long legs taller than a skyscraper. You only admitted your attraction to him when you were drunk, but you couldn't deny the pull you had to him.

He looked up at you, his starry eyes looking from your legs, up to your hips, over your breasts, and finally to your eyes. He took in a sharp breath, biting the corner of his lip.

“I hate you too,” he whispered, his vision low.

And in what world would the words I hate you cause someone’s heart to flutter?

The elevator dinged at your floor, and after a moment of longing stares, Seonghwa gripped your arm and dragged you out. He held onto your drunken body as he searched for his keycard, and once he found it, you tumbled into the room together.

Your back was pressed against the wall, his arms caging you in on both sides. His forehead was on yours, and you were able to feel his hot breath against your lips.

“Oh,” you hummed, your hands subconsciously dancing at the hem of his t-shirt. You watched his throat bob anxiously as you looked into his eyes.

It took everything in him to move away. He coughed awkwardly and then nodded toward the bed. “Come on, you need to rest.”

“Mhm,” you murmured, unable to move in a straight line. You kicked off your sandals, and pulled off your shirt with ease, leaving you only in your bra and that skimpy skirt seonghwa was looking at all night.

He watched as you walked, holding his breath without meaning to.

As you neared the bed, you reached back to unclip your bra, but you couldn't reach it. “Hwa?”

He was looking at the floor. “Hm?”

“Can you…” you paused, giving up on trying to get it off. “Take this off of me? It’s really uncomfortable.”

He blinked, his eyes wide. You couldn't see the confusion in his expression, but you heard the shakiness of his tone. “W-what? Your….bra?”

“Yeah.”

He didn't say anything else. He slowly walked over to where you were, and as his fingertips traced the middle of your back, you shivered under his touch.

He unclasped the hook, but held on to both ends of the bra, afraid to let it drop. “It’s done,” he whispered, backing up slightly.

You dropped the bra onto the floor and then reached to take off your skirt. As you slid it down your hips, you heard seonghwa nearly trip over his feet trying to turn away.

“Do you…always sleep naked?” he asked you, looking anywhere but where you were. You were way too drunk to care about what he sees, but you were also too tired to try. You fell onto the bed, your arm covering your breasts and your underwear still on.

“Fuck, y/n,” Seonghwa huffed, finally looking over and doing everything to not look where he shouldn't. He gently reached for the blanket, tossing it over you in one swift motion.

You shut your eyes tight, feeling his presence loom over you. He brushed away the stray hairs on your face and made sure you were laying on your side.

“.... I’m so screwed,” he muttered, giving you one last look before walking into the bathroom and turning on the cold water.

A cold shower, especially knowing that there was a beautiful, nearly naked girl in the bed just outside the door.

The cold water ran down his body, giving him a rush of pain.

“Fuck,” he hissed, biting his lip as his attraction to you only worsened.

—

After his attempt to cleanse his messy thoughts, Seonghwa stepped out of the bathroom, towel hanging low on his hips. He hesitated before looking over at you, and after he got a good look at your pretty face, he made his way to his luggage, rooting in there for a t-shirt to toss on.

“...seong…hwa,” you moaned.

Moaned.

“....y/n?” he whispered, maybe thinking you were awake and needed something. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but that sounded too….sensual than just a normal tone.

“I…ugh,” you groaned, “don't stop, please. H…Hwa.”

Seonghwa raised his eyebrows, dropping the clothes he had in his hands, eyes wide.

“Seonghwa….”

Okay, that was the third time. You were most definitely dreaming about him….

“Oh…my…god.” Hwa gulped, cautiously standing up and backing away as far as he could from you.

Little did he know how detailed your dream was.

—

His hands snaked up your bare hips, your legs wrapped around his waist. His lips were on your ear, biting, teeth clashing against your skin.

He thrusted into you, hard, his hips buckling as he moaned. You cried out his name, back arching, nails scratching. He fucked you hard, his forehead against yours, and his eyes rolled back into his head.

“You like that?” he whispered, his tongue sliding into your mouth before you could answer. His sweat fell on your cheek, and you moaned out his name once more. You weren't sure how you got here, how this came about, or anything. All that mattered was that you were finally with him, the man you always thought you hated.

“…hwa,” you moaned, “fuck me harder.”

And as he slammed into you with even more force than before, his lips crashed onto yours, his black hair blocking your vision. You wanted more, and more and more—

“Y/n,”

“Just shut up and keep going,” you cried out.

“Y/N!”

You shot awake, gasping for air as your back hit the headboard. You breathed heavily, realizing that you were dreaming about all of that and that the real seonghwa was standing in front of you, shirtless, with an expression you weren't quite sure you’d ever seen before.

“Seonghwa, what—”

“S..stop it. Don't say my name,” he stuttered, looking anywhere but your body. He quickly tossed a t-shirt at you—his t-shirt. “Just put this on. The guys are down getting breakfast, so we gotta go.”

He quickly walked to his own luggage and grabbed a shirt for himself. You watched him as he tossed it on and slid on his shoes, and with one last awkward glance at you, he left the room in haste.

You were too scared to look down, hoping that you still had underwear on. You weren't too sure if that was a dream or not, but given the way he acted, it made you even more confused.

You felt the wetness between your thighs, clenching them with a sigh. You stood up, tossing on the bra that was laying on the floor as if it was thrown off of you.

After cleaning yourself up a bit, you made your way to the breakfast area on the first floor, immediately noticed by Hongjoong. “There you are! I was worried you weren't going to—” he stopped, noticing the shirt that was way too big on you. “That’s the shirt I got Hwa….”

Seonghwa cleared his throat, shoving a bagel into his mouth to distract himself.

You ignored him and sat down across from him and next to Mingi. You looked up, meeting eyes with the man you thought so filthily about, seeing a swipe of cream cheese on the bottom of his lip. You held back, knowing that it’ll just send you into another spiral if you pointed it out.

But when he stuck his tongue out to lick it off, you felt the tingle in your stomach once more, thinking back at the dream you had, and how his tongue caressed you in more ways than one.

He met eyes with you, his lips parting slightly. His gaze was much different than it ever has been. You've never seen him so….lost. His expression was conflicted, his eyes not leaving your lips.

Wooyoung smirked. “Did you guys fuck or something? What’s with the mood?”

“Wooyoung!” Hongjoong yelled.

“What? I’m just pointing out the obvious,” he shrugged.

“We didn't. Keep dreaming,” Seonghwa muttered lowly, taking another bite of his bagel.

Hongjoong huffed. “I don't want to imagine my sister and seonghwa in that way…that’s super weird.”

“Why?” seonghwa questioned, his tone serious. You looked at him, confused as to why he cared. It seemed like everyone else was just as confused as you. “Ahem, I mean…uh, is it that hard to imagine?” Seonghwa’s voice was shaky, his gaze hopping from Hongjoong to you.

It made your brother laugh. “Well, yeah. You guys hate each other, right?” he took a sip of his coffee before continuing. “It makes no sense for you to even see eye to eye, I couldn't imagine you two in any type of relationship. Maybe her and Mingi, out of everyone.”

Seonghwa dropped his bagel face down onto his plate. “Why Mingi? What’s so special about—”

“I’m right here guys….” Mingi tried to interrupt, but Seonghwa shot him a dangerous glare, causing the gentle giant to hold his tongue.

Hongjoong looked around at the boys awkwardly and picked up his fork to continue eating his eggs. “I’m just saying.”

This was too awkward. You kept stealing glances at Hwa as if he were a magnet. You assumed he felt similarly, because every time you looked, your eyes would meet, and then you would awkwardly stare for a moment too long before looking away.

And when he got up to get more food, you got up, too.

“We need to talk,” you whispered, coming right up next to him as he put a muffin on his plate. “Why are you acting weird?”

He sighed and continued to add food to his plate. “I’m not acting weird.”

As he moved to get a drink from the drink machine, you continued to follow him. “Did I do something wrong yesterday?” you gasped, holding a hand over your mouth as he still ignored you. “Did I kiss you? Dear god, I hope not—”

“No, you didn't,” he said quietly, walking back over to the table.

“Something must have happened, seonghwa—”

He stopped, nearly causing you to bump into his back. “Don't.” he paused, taking in a sharp breath, looking over his shoulder at you. “Don't say my name.”

You frowned in confusion, watching the muscles in his back move as he walked away. You couldn't remember your antics yesterday, but maybe you made him uncomfortable by sleeping nearly naked—he hated you, so you could only imagine how irritated he was.

“Listen, if it was because I was naked, I'm sorry—”

Everyone at the table looked up as you spoke, including seonghwa. He looked shy, a blush on his cheeks, and he sat down quickly and stuffed the muffin in his mouth.

“Naked?” Mingi laughed, looking from you to seonghwa suggestively. “Sounds awfully smutty, Seonghwa.”

“We didn't—” he groaned, running a hand down his face. “Nothing happened with us.”

“Mhm, okay,” San smirked. “Whatever you say. Anyway, we have a whole day out planned, so you two better get back to your normal selves or we won't have any fun.”

You really needed to talk to seonghwa, but it seemed like you'll be busy the whole day with the boys—and he didn't seem to be very interested in talking to you, anyway.

You tilted your head in curiosity.

“What are we doing?”

—

The day was eventful.

First, you went to the beach. Seemed innocent, until Seonghwa took off his shirt and got all soaking wet, sending you in a mess of thoughts and a mess below. He would look over at you, and wouldn't look away, paying intense attention to your body in a skimpy little bikini.

When you went to talk to him, he body-slammed you into the ocean, and normally you would've fumed, but this time, you enjoyed his hands on your bare skin.

After the beach, you walked along the boardwalk of shops and lots of food. You grabbed a popsicle, licking it without a thought, but when you felt an intense pressure on you, you looked over to see seonghwa looking at you with an expression you've never seen on him. His eyes were focused on your lips, his own lips curled up as he bit them. You continued to eat your popsicle, but couldn't stop looking at him.

When you tried to bring up last night, Hongjoong came over and took the rest of your pop, running away from you like a child.

At dinner, you sat at the far end of the table, as far away as possible from Seonghwa. It wasn't intended, but now there was no way you could talk, as everyone would hear your conversation.

You ate, feeling defeated. Maybe you should just forget about it.

It was still daylight after dinner. As the guys conversed about what to do next, San and Wooyoung decided to go their own way and walk the beach, which was just their code word for “shopping” for girls. Hongjoong agreed with them, shocking you since he was always hell-bent on not going off a schedule. You assumed he was just going to meet that girl he was with yesterday, but whatever, it just meant that you could be left alone with Seonghwa.

After those three left, it was only you, Seonghwa, and Mingi. Hwa stood with his hands in his pockets, awkwardly looking around as you stood outside the restaurant. Mingi was even more awkward, looking at you before speaking.

“Um, I’m just gonna go with Woo and San, so,” he breathed, looking to seonghwa now. “I’ll see you guys back at the hotel tonight.”

“Okay, Mingi,” you smiled. “See you later.”

You watched him leave and then looked at the boy standing next to you.

“So,” you tried to initiate conversation, but seonghwa started walking in the opposite direction from where everyone else went. You followed. “What should we do?”

“I’m going surfing,” he said blandly. “I don't know about you, though.”

“I’ll come with you,” you smiled, finally catching up to him. He let out an aggravated groan as you walked close to him. “Do you even know how to surf?”

He scoffed. “Yeah, of course, I do.”

“I’m just saying,” you noted, shrugging as you followed him. “You’re too….dainty. I feel like if you fell off you’d break every bone in your body.”

Seonghwa didn't react in any way you were hoping he would. Instead, he kept walking silently, until you reached the part of the beach where the surf shack was. Wetsuits were laid out, ready to be picked up, and surfboards stood tall through the sand and against the building. You stared in awe as you approached, seeing that there was no one else here but you two.

Finally, alone at last.

“Grab a suit if you’re gonna do this,” he pointed to them, raising an eyebrow when you stood there anxiously. “What? Don't you know how to surf?” he mocked.

You kicked at the sand, your hands behind your back. “Pff. yeah, of course, I….no. I don't.” you pleaded with your eyes sweetly, despite all of the dirty things you wanted to do to him. “Could you please teach me? Pretty please?”

He held his own suit close to his chest as he looked down at you. “Why should I?”

You stepped closer to him, causing him to step back cautiously. “Because I’m pretty?”

“Oh honey, who lied to you?” he joked.

“Please, Seonghwa?” you stressed his name, hoping to break him. You watched his eye twitch as you said it, reminding you of earlier when he told you not to say his name.

“Seonghwa seonghwa seonghwa seong—”

“Okay, fine! Jeez,” he huffed, tossing you a suit, only for it to hit you in the face. “Get dressed.”

You walked into the shack with him, going your separate ways at the locker rooms. Everything went smoothly until you tried to zipper the suit up, only being able to get it halfway. You pondered on asking seonghwa for help or completely turning into a contortionist, but after failing to do it yourself, you gave up and left the room to ask him.

Seonghwa stood amongst the surfboards, his lean body looking delicious in that surf suit. You nearly drooled looking at him.

“Hey,” you started, slowly approaching him as he picked out a board. “Can you help me zipper this?”

He turned to you, his expression conflicted as he saw you. You turned around, showing your exposed back, causing him to clear his throat. “O..okay.”

His delicate fingers brushed against the skin of your back, nearly causing you to shiver. You felt his breath hit the back of your neck as the zipper moved up and up until he zipped it completely.

“....There,” he said, swallowing. “You’re all good.”

He didn't move his hands until you pulled away from him, turning back around to face him. The silence was deafening, so you decided to break it.

“Seonghwa, about last night, what exactly happened—”

“Let’s just get started before the sun goes down,” he interrupted, looking anywhere but your eyes. “We’ll talk later.”

That was good enough for now. You watched him try to pick out a board, but he seemed extremely nervous. After a good bit of time, he grabbed a pink one, causing you to smile. Pink suited him so much, more than he’d probably like to admit.

“Let’s start with some basics,” he spoke smoothly, tossing the board down onto the sand. “Get on it. On your stomach.”

You lay down on the board, looking up at him for more directions. He taught you how to paddle with your arms, explaining that you'll have to dive under the waves sometimes if you were okay with doing that. You couldn't look weak now, especially not to him. So after the little training lesson, you were finally in the shallow water, sand already in every nook and cranny of you.

“Try to keep balance,” he said, his voice raspy. It wasn't the time to turn you on, but of course, he could do it just by his voice. “Keep your chest up.” his hand caressed your back, down your spine.

You looked up at him, his wet hair dripping down his face. You held back, as much as you could, from pouncing on him.

But when you fell off the board and got stuck underwater, you’ve never seen him so concerned before.

He grabbed you under your arms, pulling you back up and holding him to you while you coughed. You were perfectly fine—maybe a little too much water in the ears, but it was the least of your worries. What you cared about was the look on his face and the way he caged you to his body.

“y/n?” he rushed his hand over your face, pushing away your drenched hair so he could see you. “Are you okay?”

You coughed, blinking away the salt that infiltrated your eyes. Seonghwa noticed your distress and gently rubbed your face with the pad of his thumb.

“Don't rub your eyes,” he pushed your hand away, still not letting you go from his embrace. “You'll make it worse.”

“It hurts,” you mumbled, causing his look of worry to worsen. True, the salt started burning your eyes, but you couldn't get enough of his caring touch—maybe because he’s never shown this side of himself to you.

He took in an anxious breath as he looked around. “Maybe we should get back to the hotel,” he spoke softly, the sound of water filling your senses as you looked at him.

Everything about his appearance aggravated you—from the way his midnight hair draped his face, dripping with water down his cheeks, to the way his normally judgemental eyes seemed gentle and sweet. He looked kind, the type of man who would worship his lover like a queen, and all the time knowing him, you tried your hardest to only see him in a negative light.

Now, as he held you in the cold, sparkling ocean as the sun was setting, all you saw was your reflection in his eyes and all you felt was the undeniable pull to be with him. To touch him. To kiss him. To tell him that maybe, just maybe, you’ve always had a piece of him in your heart.

“Seonghwa, I…” you paused, ignoring the burn from the salt water. You watched his lips as they slowly parted, his eyes wide as he picked you apart. They looked at you differently, like they never looked at you before, and you wanted him to never stop looking at you.

The distance between the two of you was nonexistent—you saw every drop of water on his skin, and you were certain he was able to gather the meaning behind your gaze. If he did, he didn't say anything—he only looked back at you with those entrancing irises of his, a look you’ve never seen from him. He waited patiently for you to finish your sentence, but you had nothing else to say.

As your lips neared his, you heard his breath get caught in his throat, and you felt his embrace tighten around you. You closed your eyes, taking in the feeling, hoping that he would be the one to lean in and meet your lips.

He didn't.

Instead, his hands trailed down your back, the pink surfboard still floating next to you despite being forgotten. His breath was shaky as he touched you, but the moment ended too quickly as he shook himself out of his trance.

“I um, we should, you know,” he nodded towards the beach, even though you weren't too far out. “We should get back to the room.”

You slowly blinked at him, watching his expression stay the same despite the change of mind. He coughed, letting go of you, but then he grabbed your hand and the board before pulling you to shore.

The walk back was quiet. He didn't let go of your hand until you got back to the surf shack, and he reluctantly let go knowing you had to change.

You both were silent as you looked at each other, but the ache in your chest convinced you to break this tension.

Before you entered the changing room, you quickly turned back around to face seonghwa, who still stood with that….sex-charged expression on his face.

“….Stop looking at me like that,” you hummed, your chest heavy as he breathed in deeply. He looked at you with those bedroom eyes of his, half of his wetsuit already off. He looked deadly, which didn't help your desire.

He swallowed hard but tried his best to remain calm. “Like what?”

You took a step closer, reaching back to your zipper to pull it down just a little. You shrugged it down your bare shoulders, making sure he got to know that there was nothing else but you under that wetsuit once again.

And when you got as close as you could, you said the words you knew would be life or death for him.

“Like you want to fuck me,” you shrugged, acting all cool even though you were falling apart by the second. You were lucky you were at the surf shack at such a late time of day, and that no one else was here except you.

He choked on air, stepping away from you until his back hit the wall. You noticed how his chest rose and fell as he breathed in, and how delicious it would be to just lick him all over….

“I…” he gulped, but his eyes lingered on your shoulders and the curve of your breasts. “I don't know what you mean?”

You smiled through your haze, mind focused on getting to the bottom of his sudden change of attitude towards you. You reached out, gently guiding your hand down the plain of his chest, down his slim, but muscular waist. Oh, you couldn't get enough of him already.

You smirked. “Then tell me why you’ve been eye fucking me all day, or at least what happened last night, so I can understand.”

He blinked fast, looking from your lips, down your neck, to your bare shoulders.

“You…” he took in a sharp breath as your hands trailed down his body. “You sleeptalk.”

“I know that already,” you whispered, looking into his captivating gaze.

He leaned forward slightly, veins popping in his neck as he strained against his judgment. “I mean, you…kept moaning my name. I…I couldn't take it anymore….I can't take it anymore. Every time you speak I just want to fucking shut you up with my mouth for fucks sake.” he huffed, subconsciously gripping your hips as he grits his teeth. “You so annoying, so damn annoying, I can't—”

“Then take me,” you spoke against his lips. “Fuck me. Just like you did in my dreams.”

His forehead pressed against yours as you pushed him further against the wall.

“And how did I do that?” he growled, his fingertips tugging at your wetsuit. “Was I rough? Gentle?” he paused, lips pressed to your neck. “Did I make you say my name, or was that all you with that filthy little mouth of yours?”

You couldn't speak as his lips glided down your neck to your collarbone. He sucked on the skin there, roughly, causing you to suck in a sharp breath and run your hands through his dripping-wet hair.

You moaned, biting his earlobe. “I want you to tear me apart.”

He smirked against your skin, his eyes finally meeting yours.

“Rough it is, then.”

Without warning, he bit his lip hard as he pulled your wetsuit right down to your ankles, the water from his hair dripping onto your bare shoulders. He nearly growled as you stood in front of him, naked as ever, his gaze darkening before gripping the back of your neck to pull you to him.

As he sucked on your neck, you pulled down his suit with aggression, not quick enough for the hunger in both of your souls. His hot breath tickled your skin, his hands clawed at your hips, and his lips begged to kiss yours as you shoved him against the wall once again, skin on skin. He breathed heavily, his eyes dancing from your breasts to your waist, to your lips.

You gripped onto his hair, staring into his eyes for a moment before you locked your lips with his, tasting the saltiness of the ocean and the sweet warmth of his saliva. Your tongues fought for their lives, dancing as you deepened the kiss. Foreheads slamming, hands invading space. It was all over for your sanity the minute his long fingers glided against your core, his middle finger finding your clit and rubbing gently. His kisses were rough as his fingers delicately touched you, fueling the fire within you even more than it already was.

“Seonghwa,” you moaned against his ear, causing him to move his hand faster with a grunt. “Push them in me.”

He hissed, his eyes rolling back into his head as he pulled his hands away for a moment, only to suck his fingers in front of you before shoving them into you, curling them up inside you. You arched your back against him, crying out as his lips found yours once again.

He kissed you deeply as he made love to you with his hands, his fingers long enough to reach deep inside of you—but it wasn't enough. You bit his lip sharply as he fingered you, causing him to hiss in pleasure. “I need your cock in me. Now.” you licked his jawline, watching him squirm in your embrace.

His cheeks were flushed red as he looked at you, his eyes looking as if he were intoxicated. “I…fuck,” he sucked in a breath, kissing you as his fingers moved faster and faster. “Okay.”

As he pulled his fingers out of you, he licked them once more, his eyes on yours seductively.

“You taste so good.” he moaned, his mouth parted. He then lifted you up, walking you over to the table of waxed surfboards in the middle of the room. Shoving everything off with one hand, he threw you onto the wood, causing you to let out a little grunt.

“You’re so sexy,” he leaned over you, slamming your hands above your head before silencing your moans with a rough kiss. “So fucking sexy, you have no idea how long I wanted to shove my dick inside you.” His words were like gasoline to your fire, causing you to cry out in a whimper for him to do exactly what he said he would do. You kept your mouth shut as he tugged you to the edge of the table, lining up his hard-on to enter you.

After a look of longing, he spit onto his fingers and rubbed them onto his cock and your heat, his chest falling and rising with his heavy breathing. He then buried himself inside you, deeply, causing your breath to hitch. He was even bigger than your dreams, tearing apart your expectations of his skills. You tried your best to free your arms from his hold, but as he moved in and out of you, you had lost the desire to escape it. You really liked the feeling of his fingernails tearing into your skin.

“Ah,” he whimpered, his hips rocking quickly, his eyes shut tight. His thrusts were deep, not slowing down for a second.

Your legs curled around his shoulders, his one arm holding your hands and his other piercing into your ankle. He grunted as he pumped into you, tearing at your insides, feeling him fill you up. “Hwa,” you groaned, back arching in pleasure. “Harder. Fuck me harder.”

He grunted in response, speeding up faster as his hips slammed into yours. You felt him quiver inside you, precum dripping into you without a care. You loved the feeling, you didn't care about the risks in the moment.

You climaxed without warning, your legs tightening around his head. He kept muttering your name over and over again against you, kissing the skin of your ankles as he continued to fuck the living shit out of you. You started to see stars as he nearly cracked your spine, and right before he nearly came, he flipped you over onto your stomach without ever leaving you.

Your face was shoved against the wood of the table, the sweet smell of sex enveloping your senses. You cried out his name as he gripped onto your hips, moving faster as his own orgasm came close. His lips met the small of your back, his fingers gripped your ass with haste.

“I’m going to come,” he mumbled, his voice raspy. “Can I come in you?”

“Yes,” you breathed. “Come inside me.”

As if your words stirred something within him, he immediately moved in shorter movements, his grip on your ass tightening as his orgasm came. His breathing shallowed as he came into you, filling you up with his cum. You let out one last moan as you felt his warmth, and he kissed the back of your neck as he finished.

He pulled out of you slowly despite how rough he was—he could've been rougher, but you didn't want him to think of you as the insane slut everyone thought you were.

Even though you only ever slept with others because you couldn't have him.

And now…..what comes next?

He helped you sit back up to a normal position, and when he saw the dark, purple bruises on your neck and collarbone, he gasped. “Oh, I’m sorry,” his fingers gently brushed against your hot skin as if he didn't just totally destroy you. “I kind of….went crazy, didn't I?”

You smiled up at him in a daze, both your cheeks blushed in embarrassment and enjoyment. “I like crazy.”

He paused, standing proudly in front of you with that delicious body of his. You sighed in contentment, a lazy smile on your lips. “I dreamt of this. Literally.” you reached out to him, pulling his lips down to yours. He kissed them softly, opening his mouth wide as he made out with you. You didn't want to pull away, but as the thought of you both having sex in a public surf shack came to your mind, you pulled away quickly, startling him.

“Um, so,” you laughed awkwardly. “Should we head back now? We are kind of in a public place….”

Seonghwa looked around, smirking as he leaned forward on the table, kissing you once more. “It was kind of thrilling, not gonna lie.”

You leaned into his embrace, his hands caressing your back romantically. “So,” you whispered against his lips. “We should get back. And this time, you better sleep in the bed with me.”

“Oh, baby, I plan on doing more than just sleeping.”

—

After countless rounds of ‘sleeping’, you ended up waking up late in Seonghwa’s embrace, his lips pressed against the curve of your shoulder as he held you. He quite literally rocked you all night long, and you even discovered his love for reverse cowgirl—making him come within two minutes of the fifth round.

Now, as you lay in his arms while he slept, you finally felt content. He was all you ever wanted, even though your words said otherwise this whole time of knowing him.

“Hey,” you turned around in his embrace, pressing your lips against his forehead. “Seonghwa.”

“Hm?” he grumbled sleepily, his eyes blinking open to meet yours.

You smiled, running a hand through his messy hair. “We should get up. The others are probably waiting for us in the lobby.”

“Ugh, why?” he groaned, holding onto you tighter. “ I don't want to leave this bed today. Or ever.”

You giggled, pecking his lips. “Come on, Hwa. I really would like to get a tan on the sand today.”

His eyes were wide open now, but he blinked slowly from his sleepiness. “We barely got any sleep,” he huffed, shoving his head into your shoulder. “And I can't kiss you in front of everyone, I can't wait the whole day to touch you.”

You grinned chaotically.

“Who says we have to hide it?”

—

“Dear lord,” Wooyoung huffed, sitting with his arms crossed at the beach. “Are they ever going to stop and come up for air?”

Your friends sat on towels on the sand, while you sat on Seonghwa’s lap as you made out with him. His hands gripped your face as he stuck his tongue in your mouth, both of you having no care for those around you.

“I knew this was going to happen,” San mumbled with a smirk, elbowing Wooyoung playfully. “Just let them have their fun. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Pfft,” Woo scoffed, looking at how seonghwa touched you.

“I always thought I would be the one tapping that.”

“Wooyoung shut the fuck up.”

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #ateez seonghwa #park seonghwa #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa smut #roomates #vacation au #ateez masterlist #enemies to lovers #fwb #wooyoung #San #mingi #Hongjoong

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myfirstandlast · 2 years

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impossible for me to cry on my own for longer than half a second but i get into a confrontational lecture and i cannot hold my composure and end up looking weak and hopeless

#my options are do a master’s in something i feel nothing for or kill myself #moving out and getting a car is all sunshine and rainbows until i have nothing going for me when i’m 25 and my parents who say #do what makes you happy!! all of sudden as if that has ever been true?? come knocking on my door asking me why i’m a failure so publicly #they’re too obtuse to even recognise that they’re not the parents they thing they are my dad is just a control freak who lived with kids #and my mum just surrounds herself with fake friends and adopts their empty takes and lives #you don’t have to say anything directly to have raised me in a way of understanding that i cant do whatever i wdnt in fear of upsetting u #and being retaliated against. like you’ll never understand that ever #im in my 20s now do u think it’s a lifetime away but it was my life. i remember. i was born you made me i had to learn these feelings #from somewhere. i give up i want to give up i want to kill myself in this house so no one gets to be happy #i don’t know what to do i just want to kill myself so i don’t have to decide #but im not even strong enough to do that

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ventismacchiato · 9 months

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42 behind the lens — curtain call !

epilogue

scaramouche x gender neutral reader

It’s at the times between recording scenes where you really get a glimpse at your lover.

His sweat stained hair and tear stained cheeks from a rather intense scene never get old. You were feeling rather fond as he made his way over to you, falling into your director’s chair and heaving a heavy breath. The only one other than you allowed to sit in it.

For a mere moment, you both simply look at each other. You guys were on break so a few conversation topics come to mind, it wasn’t often you guys got to speak as lovers rather than coworkers during work. And while they’re all things you’d like to talk to Scaramouche about, you realize you don’t need to force conversation with him.

There’s a hue of weariness that shows in Scara’s eyes, but you can tell that he’s happy. He’s doing what he’s been striving to do for all his years at university, so of course he is.

You search his dark eyes for his thoughts, too. When your eyes meet Scara’s he let’s out a tired smile.

“I missed you,” he easily says. The words come out easier than they would’ve years ago.

Your heart skips a beat, even years later.

“How? We’ve been working together all day,” you say.

“Do I need a reason to miss the person I love?” Scara scoffs, looking away from you to study the script he brought with him.

It isn’t the first time Scaramouche had told you that he loves you, but it’s never stopped holding the same weight it did the first time he’d ever said it.

It’s a rare type of love. The kind that exists so rarely for people in this industry and that lead lives similar to your guys’.

His loves makes you feel alive everyday. And Scara should know it, you should tell him more often—even if it’s rather dramatic for midday on set for their most recent project. It’s something you’d bring up at night that you two could laugh about in bed. Even if it catches Scara off guard.

But Scaramouche’s love caught you off guard, too, and every second you got the privilege to spend with him was a gift.

And as you stare at him, fiddling with the sleeves of his costume and eyebrows scrunched as he mouths his lines, you couldn’t help but feel your heart grow heavy.

“I suppose you don’t,” you reply, a minute too late, but Scara still chuckles at your response as he tosses the script aside.

“What? You’re not going to say it back?” he teases, “And I thought I was the emotionally constipated one.”

“Oh, fuck off,” you mutter, hitting him on the shoulder, “I love you, too. I guess.”

“Archons, you’re worse than me.”

“No, you were much worse when we were younger!”

“It was hot and mysterious when I did it.”

“Uh huh, just go back to set I’m sick of you.”

“Weird way to say you agree but okay.”

“Go!”

୨⎯ THE END ⎯୧

behind the lens !

masterlist — prev

author’s notes — and that’s a wrap folks! hope the ending wasn’t awkward i just wanted it to be short and sweet. anyway, thank u to everyone who read and kept up with this fic, means a lot to me that this blew up as it was smth i wrote for myself. if ur rereading this or are a reader in the future ty to you too! i appreciate the silent readers, anons, and ppl who left me sm cute comments and reblogs. u guys made writing it more fun and easier to ignore the not so nice ppl. i cant reply to everyone but just know i do read every ask and comment i get! i do hope to see u guys in my notifs in the future even if i don’t write for genshin anymore, but if not then i’m glad you gave my writing a chance <3 have a great day/night byebye

synopsis — you, better known as STARDUST, and BALLADEER have always been in competition for the top streamer spot on twitch, which is especially impressive since the two of you have never shown your faces. you’ve never been on good terms, constantly one-upping each other in matches and getting into petty arguments on twitter, causing your fans to also dislike each other. that’s until BALLADEER does a face reveal that breaks the internet with his good looks…which makes you realize it’s the same guy you went on a date with last night. the type of date that made you crave to see him again. the only problem was he didn’t know you were STARDUST and he was way different behind the lens than he portrayed himself online to you. should you keep your identity a secret to salvage the relationship or just let him go?

taglist — @captainzep @elysiumarchieve @plinkuro @sakkakuu-squared @eliqusgenma @vuvulia @kunikuzushiit @ins4nebish @stxrgxzxr @lilacponds @uma-umie @mitsukifilms @caesars-bubbles @wheneverthesunrise @its-like-twilight @kazuhalvrr @erosdevil @thenightsflower @p1utto @noodleshark420 @lxry-chxn @court-jester-stuff @lauragalliart @veyu002 @kaeyas-eyepatch-69 @leathernourishingshoepolish @courtneydefender @drunkwithfever @exhaustedcommunist @vincanzu @ainlaw @ovaliz @kitsuvil @whatamidoing89 @celestair @kunihaver @kazioli @xiaosoneandonly @cridtiins @cherrybeomgyu @asukahiriko @moon-320 @orionicchaos @cartierfiles [1/3]

#behind the lens smau #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x yn #scaramouche x reader smau #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche smau #scaramouche x gender neutral reader #genshin smau #genshin scaramouche

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tkaulitzlvr · 8 months

Note

Can you maybe write 2010 toms reaction and hc's for the reader being pregnant?

UNEXPECTED - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: you have to tell tom some unexpected news, and his reaction isn’t what you had hoped for.

content: angst

a/n: thank you so much for the request, i am so bad at head canons so i just did a fic, i hope that’s okay!!

my hands shakily clutched at the test, tears rolling down my flushed cheeks as i hoped that somehow, my eyes were deceiving me. positive, the test reads, the eight letters staring back at me, reminding me over and over that they are very real, and i can’t back out of this.

tom and i were always careful, using protection every time we had sex to stop things like this from happening. we were young and foolish, as every 21 year old is, not ready to welcome a child of our own into the world, the thought of it scaring me so much, never thinking that it would become a reality so soon. it wasn’t that we didn’t ever want kids, but tom was constantly on tour, away from home for weeks and though i always went with him, it just wouldn’t be right to take a child with us. we had always discussed starting a family, both of us coming to the mutual conclusion that now just wasn’t the right time.

which is what terrified me even more, tom’s reaction worrying me as i just couldn’t guess what it would be. he was currently at the studio with the band, and he would be home any minute now, evening dawning over us as he had no idea of the news i was about to bring to him.

i sat on the couch, the test stuffed into the back pocket of my jeans, my eyes fixed on whatever was on the tv, but my mind was elsewhere, waiting for the door to open and tom to walk through it, praying that he wouldn’t freak out. there was no time left to just hope, the door handle turning as tom steps through, baggy jacket clad to his figure, reminding me just how cold it is outside. he takes his shoes off, announcing a quick “i’m home my love”, before entering the living room, a smile appearing on his face once he sees me.

he walks towards the sofa, sitting down beside me and embracing me in a hug. my body begins to shake as i can no longer hold back the tears, tom noticing and quickly pulling away, studying my face and the sorrow etched upon it.

“baby, what’s wrong?” he replies, concerned, holding my face and kissing my forehead, attempting to wipe the tears as he awaits my response.

“you promise you won’t get mad?” i manage to let out between sobs, my words almost inaudible, yet he clearly understands what i say, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“what? why would i be mad? you can tell me anything, you know that.” he says, much more composed than i am, his heart aching to see me in this state. “now what’s wrong? please, talk to me schatz.”

my eyes meet his for the first time, bloodshot and glassy, whilst his hurriedly scan my face, the worry only increasing in his own as every second passes that i don’t confess. i can’t bring myself to say the two words “i’m pregnant”, because the second i do, it will truly become real, my mind in some twisted sort of denial, telling myself that if i don’t admit it, it will somehow go away. so, instead of saying what is wrong, i decide to show him, reaching hesitantly into my back pocket and placing the pregnancy test in his hands.

he looks downwards, finally seeing the reason why i am so upset. his body tenses up, his mouth hanging open in shock the only thing he is able to do. i cant tell if he is happy, excited, or completely angry, all i know is that he cannot believe his eyes. the tears continue to spill down my cheeks, praying that he will reassure me that everything will be okay, but the twisting feeling in my stomach provides me with the terrifying realisation that i’m not going to receive that comfort.

“please say something.” i whisper, my voice shaky as he still hasn’t moved or even looked at me, his eyes fixed on the pregnancy test in his palm of his hands.

“is this real?” he mutters, refusing to look at me, his hands trembling a little.

“it’d be a pretty fucked up joke tom.” i reply, angry at his ridiculous question but not in any position to consider causing an argument, knowing that is the last thing i need right now.

“i just- i don’t know what to say. i’m not ready for this.” he confesses, finally looking upwards as his gaze meets mine, his eyes now glazed with tears, yet he isn’t sad - i see a glare within them that cannot be mistaken for anything else but anger.

“i’m not either tom, you know this. i don’t know what to do.” i put my head in my hands, sobbing even more now, my breathing fast and irregular. my mind longs for any sort of comfort from him, even a little reassurance, a half-hearted ‘it’s gonna be okay’, even though it would be a lie, it would be the most perfect one he ever told, because it would give me a million times more consolation than i am receiving right now. but he stays silent, biting his lip, almost as if he is stopping himself from truly speaking his mind.

“i can’t do this.” he finally says, standing up and walking out of the living room, exiting the house as he closes the front door behind him with a slam.

my breathing begins to quicken, my heart rate increasing as the worst possible scenario is suddenly becoming true in front of my eyes. if me finding out that i was pregnant wasn’t enough, tom leaving only placed the cherry on my cake, a sickening sense of guilt now punching me in the gut, stabbing a knife in the wound as i begin to feel nothing but completely stupid for letting this happen, blaming it all on myself. my sobs are muffled within my hands as my head rests there, my entire body trembling as i long to be in his arms, him telling me that it would be okay, that we would get through this. instead, the cold air is my only company, leaving me in it’s icy embrace, giving me the constant reminder that i am alone.

it is this reminder that sticks with me until my eyes begin to feel heavy, my body falling into a deep sleep, providing me with a temporary distraction from reality.

warm hands. two large, warm hands are what wake me from my sleep as they caress my face gently, contrasting with the coldness of the entire house.

“love?” i hear a familiar voice whisper, finally opening my eyes to see tom kneeled beside me, his own bloodshot from crying.

“why are you here?” i ask, anger quickly filling my veins, the reminder of how quickly he left, betrayed me like it was nothing, flooding my memory.

“i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have left like that. i was just so shocked, and i backed out, and i shouldn’t have. we can talk about this, if you’re ready to.” he softly says as i sit up, moving his hands off my face.

“you left me.” i mutter, the tears already threatening to fall. “i wanted your support, and you left me. you fucking left me when i needed you most! do you know how shitty that feels? all day, i’ve felt guilty, and i find the courage to tell you and then you fucking bail on me?”

“i know and i’m so sorry my love. i didn’t expect it, i reacted in the wrong way-”

“what you think i did expect it? you think i’ve been throwing up for the past two weeks and i wanted it to happen? do you know how hard it’s been to hide my suspicions, because i didn’t want to scare you until i knew for sure, and then you run away because you didn’t expect it? the one time, the one time i fucking need you here and you leave me.” i sob, my voice breaking as i shake my head, standing up and walking away, tom quickly following me to the kitchen where i stand, my front against the counter, head in my hands.

he says nothing, but wraps his arms around my waist from behind, his thumbs running along my stomach comfortingly, lips pressing small kisses on my shoulder as i slowly begin to calm down. we both stand in silence, tom never loosening his hold on me, finally speaking up once my breathing has slowed a little.

“i’m sorry. i’m so so sorry. you didn’t deserve that at all. i promise you, i’ll never leave you like that again, not for a second.” he whispers, turning me around so that my chest is flush against his, his arms securely around my waist.

“why did you do that tom? you have no idea how scared i am.” i say, my words slightly muffled as my head is buried into his t-shirt, my arms clinging onto his neck.

“ i’m so sorry. i’m sorry.” he keeps repeating, kissing my forehead over and over between his words, never once letting go of me.

“what are we going to do?” i sigh, appreciating the fact that we have made up, but knowing that it doesn’t change the situation or make the reality any easier to swallow.

“i don’t know baby, i don’t know. but whatever you decide, i’ll be right here, always. i promise, i’ll always be here.” he affirms, and the sincerity of his voice tells me that i can believe every single one of his words.

“i love you tom.” i say, the words slipping from my mouth naturally as they are the only ones that come to mind.

“i love you too.”

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

#tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz fluff #tokiohotel #tom kaulitz angst #tomkaulitz #kaulitz #kaulitz twins #bill kaulitz #tom kaulitz smut #tokio hotel

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beenbaanbuun · 7 days

Note

HI BUNNY! first of all i wanted to tell you to please take it easy and take care of yourself! don't worry about not posting long stuff! remember that this blog is still something you're doing for fun, so please don't everrr feel forced to write something! i hope everything gets better, and that you feel better (physically and emotionally) soon! i'm sending you lots of hugs and positive energy 🫂🫂

and second, omg i saw the new posts related addams!matz and im LITERALLY OBSESSED! yeosang is lowkey (more like highkey) such a cutie i can understand the way darling acts with him cuz i also wouldn't be able to be intimidated by him. and omg the part two of the addams!hongjoong angsty writing 🥹 HES SO SOFT I LOVE HIM!! and hwa being so protective and caring oh im so whipped for all of them tbh. i love how much they love their darling, it's honestly so endearing to see. and i love how yeosang is quickly getting whipped for her too LMAO. i was also wondering if darling ever sleeps (nonsexually, like napping and stuff!) with werewolf!yeosang sometimes, seeing that she very much loves clinging into him. and if she does, how does werewolf!yeosang & matz feel about it!

like i said before, take your time, rest well and feel better soon! you seem like such an amazing person, and your blog and writing brings me so much happiness, so i really hope you can feel all that happiness youre bringing to me (and many others im sure!) right back 🫂🩷

take care mWAAAH <3

— 🩰

hello my lovely!! i’m going to rest up properly and start taking better care of myself!! don’t you worry. i’m sure i’ll be back soon (not that i’m really going, i’m just not writing much lmao) with more stuff to share with you guys.

thank you so much for the love on the addams!matz fic. it means so much to me (both the fic and the compliments) and i love this universe more than anything lmaoo. all the characters are so precious to me (even the ones who haven’t really been introduced yet) and i cant wait to share more with you all!

as for your question, the answer is both yes and no. yeosang has essentially become darling’s living, breathing pillow and naps by the fire with her favourite werewolf have become so commonplace that it’s no longer a surprise to hongjoong and seonghwa when they walk into the living room to see the two of your sprawled out on top of the rug. most of the time yeosang stays awake, his eyes big and wide as he watches you sleep. it’s sweet to see him so taken by you, but if joong or hwa ever ask any questions, he’s spitting out some sort of sarcastic response in a desperate attempt to hide the fact that he’s loving having you nap on him.

“you think i like being used as a pillow for this brat? please, she’s so wriggly when she sleeps; it’s annoying.”

darling will never sleep in yeosang’s room at night, though. there’s multiple reasons but yeosang would argue that the main one is that he won’t allowed her too. like he says, she’s wriggly and he’s willing to accept that when she insists on napping with him downstairs, but in his own bed? no way. besides, hongjoong gets moody when he wakes up without either of his lovers by his side. it’s happened before where he woke up to find that darling wasn’t there. in a panic he woke up seonghwa, only for her to return from the bathroom seconds later. he gave her curt remarks about being abandoned for the rest of the day until seonghwa stepped in to put a stop to his ridiculous attitude.

“oh, you’re going to get a drink are you? i see how it is… always so desperate to abandon me for better offers…”

#ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez oneshot #matz x reader #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yeosang x reader #opposites attract universe

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nokiatelava · 6 months

Text

✿✿Orange Moon✿✿

♡✧.·:*¨༺✪⍟✪༻¨*:·.✧♡

Author’s Note - HEHEHEHAHAHA! HI YALL!! I feel like im on a literal rollll, i started writing this RIGHT AFTER Moonlight! But this is like a part three-ish to this little Awpxey series!!! If you guys want anything more to do with him girl don’t be shy to hit up my inboxxx! I actually have to check if it even works but regardless! Enjoy this please!

♡✧.·:*¨༺✪⍟✪༻¨*:·.✧♡

Summary - It is now early in the morning, the morning after you had snuck out. You are now stuck in between how to explain to your parents why you had left and never returned, and why you now have a boy with you, courting you, following you 24/7, and asking for your family’s blessing!

♡✧.·:*¨༺✪⍟✪༻¨*:·.✧♡

Warnings - nothing to crazy?, cuddling, kissing, teen romance, fluffy stuff, courting, relationship establishments, very worried parents, worried family, parent talk, jake still coming to terms reader’s growing up, mentions of mating, boyfriend vs family tension, happy family moments, family dinner, meeting parents (yes already), overprotective family

༺｡° .ᘛ𓆩♡𓆪ᘚ. ° ｡༻

A sudden loud chirp was what had woken you up from your peaceful slumber. Your ears folding down in a slight annoyance as you were so groggy.

You sighed tiredly, your nose stuffy and congested from your sleep. Your body felt so warm, you thought it was from the atmosphere of the cave.

Until, you felt the cool breath of someone from behind you.

You froze.

Who is that?

You had felt relieved once you remembered it was just Awpxey.

What left that relief short lived was the fact you had fallen asleep here, in this cave, all through the night, with Awpxey, exchanging kisses throughout the night, and you still haven’t said a thing to your parents. I mean how were you supposed to talk to them?

You were not home. And you were not going to wake them up in the middle of the night over the fact you couldn’t sleep.

But now you wish you had left some type of note. You were scared to return home. Gosh your parents are not going to be happy.

You knew that as soon as you walk through that hut entrance, your ass is as good as grass.

You’re done for. You’re gonna be on the worst punishments ever. This would be your first and very last time sneaking out.

If you even make it out of this, alive.

Awpxey’s head stirring had brought you back to reality, a deep sigh coming from his stuffy nose too.

You had stood up abruptly, your back weirdly warm due to his chest. But that was the last thing on your mind.

Guilt set in your stomach as you seen how he jerked due to your quick removal. He sat up, rubbing his eyes as he was trying to look at you but rub that itch out his eyes.

“Y/n?” Oh god… His morning voice was beyond fine.

“A-Awpxey… We-uhm, we fell asleep here. I have to get home, and I’m probably gonna be in trouble.” You ramble on nervously. When you looked down towards him to see why he was so quiet you found him already looking at you, a soft smile adorning his lips.

Awpxey proposed his idea. “Why don’t we go wash up first? Then I’ll walk you to your hut, and say it’s my fault you left and never went back in the first please, yeah?”

“No. No, that’s not fair for you to just take the blame lime that. I cant do that to you.”

“I’m doing it to myself, actually.”

Gosh when did everybody just start becoming such smartasses?

“Okay then, smartass. Since you know everything, fine then. You can do whatever you want. I don’t care.” You grumbled as you crossed your arms over your chest.

He smiled at you teasingly from the floor before standing and stretching. A yawn spread across your mouth as you heard his back crack.

You were caught off guard when Awpxey was just then in front of you, and pecked your lips.

You covered your mouth with both your hands in shock. His name coming muffled from behind your hands.

He stared at you confused, his head tilted as the skin of his eyebrow was raised on one side.

“You kissed me before I even washed my mouth!” You exclaim, your shock seemed so foreign to him, why was it so important.

Your mood felt more sour once you heard that familiar laugh. He was laughing at you, in your face. His head thrown pack with one hand slapped over his stomach kind of laugh.

“Boys are unsalvageable.” You mutter the comment to yourself, or at least it was supposed to be to yourself. In your daze of being annoyed at the fact Awpxey laughed at you, you didn’t notice when he had stopped.

Hands were suddenly around your waist from your front, scaring you. And there Awpxey was standing in all his glory, his tall stature hanging over you.

“What’s that supposed to mean, sevin?” You eyes widen at the question, and at the fact he had called you pretty.

There wasn’t must time to dwell on it before he smashed his lips against yours. His hands gently holding your waist, giving it four small squeezes.

Your hands soon moved up towards his shoulders, your arms wrapping behind his neck, deepening the kiss.

The kiss lasted for almost a good minute, before you realized neither of you had washed your mouths.

“Awpxey! That’s the second time!” You jump back after you separate from the kiss.

“What are you, a germaphobe or something?” He asked mockingly while rolling his eyes. You turned back to glare at him while you exited the cave.

You were glad there was a river close to where the cave was located as you submerged yourself knee-deep into the cool water.

It helped cool down your hot skin, so you had given in to your urge and went completely underwater.

The cold water enveloped you, your hair, your clothes, your jewelry, your whole body.

When you resurfaced, a small pant evident in your chest, you turned around to see Awpxey around shoulder deep into the water.

You swam towards him, catching his attention quick. A smile on both of your faces.

“Have you washed your mouth?” He asked matter-of-factly. And you responded just the same.

“Yes I have, have you?” You were expectant for his answer as what you wanted to say was on the tip of your tongue.

“I sure did.” He said with so much confidence.

“Hard to believe…” You mutter out purposely, hoping to get under his skin. Which you had.

“What did you say?” He leaned forward to you, turning his head to point his ear at you.

You placed your mouth right in front of his ear, speaking decibels louder. “Hard to believe.”

Awpxey moved back, shock on his face. “I’m offended Y/n.” He placed his hand on his chest.

“That’s okay.” You shrugged, a smile breaking out on your face.

“You’re so mean to me, makes me wanna kiss you.” You froze at his words.

“What?” You say blindly, shock written all over you.

“You heard me. Didn’t you?” He wasn’t be serious was he? He’s just trying to bother you for bothering him that’s all.

Yeah. That’s all.

But it wasn’t when he put his index finger under your chin, lifting your head so you look back up to his face.

“I said I wanna kiss you. Can I?”

You were speechless. Not really knowing what to say back to him, but you blindly nodded anyways.

“Can I hear you say it? I gotta know you’re functioning Y/n.”

Oh Eywa.

Somebody needs to come get this man.

“F-fine. You can kiss me.” You grumbled.

“Good.” Awpxey said with a smile.

His lips then connected with yours, his hands holding the sides of your face gently as the kiss deepened.

Your hands held onto his biceps, your legs felt weak under the water. His arms were working as your extra support.

You have never felt anything more intimate in your whole life.

This is what true love felt like.

This must be what your parents feel like, your grandparents. Your grandfather who you were never able to meet.

And the many generations before that. They had all felt true love. They all had their own intimate moments such as this. You’re experiencing that moment, right now.

“Awpxey.” You said breathlessly. He felt this way too right?

“Y/n.” His voice was so soft, it was smooth and sultry. A tone like no other.

“I want to ask you something, Y/n. If you don’t have a problem with that.”

You nodded, “it’s fine Awpxey, you can ask me.”

“Come,” he beckoned, “I want to ask you while sitting down somewhere.”

You nodded, following him out the water. You watched starstruck as water cascaded down his back. Going through and then out of the crevices and dips from his muscles.

Eywa took her time on him.

Before you knew it you were sat on a patch of grass not far from the river, Awpxey next to you.

“What was it you wanted to ask me Awpxey?” You didn’t want to rush him, your parents the last thing on your mind right now.

He took a deep breath, settling his nerves before he spoke.

“I want to start courting you.”

You did everything to stay still and to just look and listen so your body language didn’t send any of the wrong signs.

You gave a small smile and a nod as you noticed he had more to say.

Awpxey turned more towards you, grabbing your hand. Fidgeting with your fingers and the rings you wore, along with your bracelets.

“This is why I want to court you.” He starts.

“You read me so well, you read everybody so well. You notice the little things and always want to help!” You nod, letting him know that he has your full attention and that you’re listening to him.

“You’re so sweet, and kind, and beautiful. You can make anybody happy. You light up rooms when you walk in and your smile brightens everyone’s day. The elders love you since you are so kind. You’re humble! And they love that, I know I do.” You laugh at his small comment, trying not to cry at his sweet words.

“And the children.. The classes that you teach you can hear them when they talk to their parents, just raving about just how amazing you are, and how you’re so interactive and I just love you.” Your eyes widen.

“I love you. And I want to show it by courting you. So, I am asking for your permission. Y/n te Sulli Neytiri’ite, may I, Awpxey te Relongtai Puo’itan, court you?”

Your eyes well with tears. His words were so heartfelt. No one had ever said they loved you but your own family. To hear it from somebody else in that way caused this feeling in your chest that was so foreign and unexplainable you didn’t know what to do.

But you did know that you loved him, you loved Awpxey. So you nodded. You nodded accepting his request to court you.

“Y-Yes Awpxey. You can court me.” You wiped your tears as you laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed at your reaction.

He tackled you into a hug. Holding you tightly before his whispered a small ‘thank you’ into your ear.

“Does that mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend now?” You asked into his shoulder.

“I guess so, but that’s only if you want to.”

“Then I guess we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”

You both laid there, together. Enjoying your moment, until your eyes widened, realizing that you are still out here and your family has no idea where you are.

“Oh my god Awpxey!” You exclaimed, rushing to get up.

“What? What happened?” He got up just as frantically as you had.

“I have to go home! I haven’t went home, oh my god! Awpxey I’m gonna be in so much trouble! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.”

Awpxey was quick to be at your side, holding your shoulders to calm you down.

“It’s gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be okay, okay? Like I said earlier, I’ll take the blame. I’ll say it was apart of my plan when I was asking to court you, alright?”

You shook your head, “I can’t allow you to get in trouble like that! I’m not doing that to you!”

You were refusing, you know how your parents could get, you did not need the only man who had shown you true love and interest in you, to be chased away by your parents who are borderline-psychotic.

“Please Awpxey, I can’t lose you.” Your eyes had gotten teary again. And that’s when Awpxey realized how serious this was to you.

“Okay Y/n, okay. We’ll figure something out, I promise.” Awpxey pulled you to his chest, brushing your hair back from your face.

“I’m just gonna tell the truth… My mother always told me that the truth sets you free, so I’m gonna say what really happened.” You were dead set on not letting Awpxey lie for you. And he could see that, so he nodded, not wanting to upset you further.

“If that’s what you wanna do Y/n, you can do that. You know your family better than I do, you know their morals and what they believe.” Awpxey still held you, his chin resting on your head.

“We should go now…” You whispered meekly. “Go and get it over with.” There was an apology at the tip of your tongue. But you wanted to hold it, just in case you might really need to say it later.

“Okay, let’s go Y/n.” Awpxey held your hand the whole way. He talked to you and helped you take your mind off things for quite a bit.

You then realized that you were at the point where you would need your ikran to go back to High Camp.

“Awpxey, we need our Ikran now.. To go back.” You had gotten sad at even the thought of returning. You were scared to see how your parents would react.

Awpxey agreed, and had noticed your hesitation, so he placed his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it gently.

When you both had finished calling your ikran, and they had both arrived, you mounted them. Riding back to your home located in the Hallelujah Mountains.

Once you were there, and had landed your ikran, the amount of anxiety and trepidation inside your stomach was unreal.

As you two walked close to where your hut was you had stopped, shaking your head.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t go in there Awpxey. I can’t go in there. They’re going to be so mad at me, so disappointed I can’t do this. I can’t, I really can’t.” You rambled out, your breath shortening as you panted.

“Y/n. Y/n, you need to focus. Okay? Look at me. Y/n look at me please.” Your eyes flickered to his. “You can do this, okay? Don’t ever say you can’t. Got it?”

“G-got it.” You nodded. “I-I’m going to go now, I want you to stay out here though Awpxey. I don’t.. I don’t want them to act different if you’re in there, okay?”

He nodded immediately, understanding your situation. “I got it Y/n. If anything, absolutely anything happens, come look for me. I’ll most likely be in my hut with my parents, okay?” You smiled.

“Okay Awpxey.” You hugged him, hugged him tight to savor his body warmth because you had no idea if that was going to be your last time seeing him.

“You’re going to be okay Y/n, go. I promise.” Yo nodded, waving goodbye to him before walking towards your hut.

You walked slow, your footsteps light as to not aware anybody in the hut.

When you had finally approached the entrance, walking through it slowly, your chest heavy and your mind hazy you stopped.

All heads turned to you quickly, your parents the first to stand. They rushed towards you, both exclaiming, “Y/n!” As they ran.

Your father grabbed you, turning you around and examining your body for any injuries, he had obviously, found none.

Your mother held your hand, pulling your head to her chest as she cried tears of joy at the fact you had come home, safe, and with no injuries.

“Where have you been ma’ite? We were all so worried for you!”

“I-I’m okay mom, I swear. This is a really, really big misunderstanding.” You held your hands out.

“Misunderstanding?” You dad echoed.

“Yes, misunderstanding. I want to explain you guys what happened first before you ask me anything though, okay?” Your parents nodded, they had beckoned your siblings out, though they protested as they wanted to see you too.

Your parents gave them the promise that they will see you later.

Awpxey watched from afar as he seen all your siblings walk out the hut, incoherent protests leaving their mouths.

‘Shit.’

Once they were all gone, and your father checked the area to see that they were really gone, you all sat at the table.

As your parents faced you, you fidgeted with your jewelry, scared to even look them in the face.

“Ma’ite? What happened? Why were you gone for so long?” Your mother asked. That’s when you finally looked up.

“I-It’s a little bit of a long story? I’m going to explain everything though.” Your father nodded, giving you his undivided attention.

“Last night, I could not fall asleep.” Your parents began to nod along to your story.

“So, I decided that I would go to the forest, to get my mind off of things.” You internally cringed as you seen your fathers eyes widen.

“I know, I know that it was really, really dangerous to leave with out saying anything and with the fact Sky People are here, I know. I hesitated at first. I was scared to even go. But I followed my gut. I think it was the best decision I ever made actually.” You said with a sheepish smile after your last sentence.

Your parents’ brows furrowed as they shared a look between each other.

“Anyway, while I was out there, about to bother the fan lizards, I had found Awpxey.” The name felt heavy on your tongue, worried about how your father would feel before anybody else.

“We hung out, and then he took me to this really pretty cave that had an open top so we watched the stars.” Your cheeks felt warm as you knew you were leaving some details out.

“We watched the stars and then fell asleep after a while, and when we woke up we washed at the river then came here.” You felt bad for worrying your parents, but at the same time you are so, so glad you left.

“Nothing like that happened either, dad. We only hung out, talked and stargazed. That’s it.” Toy father put his hands up.

“I-I never said anything.” He already looked so guilty, but you know you had put him on the spot.

“I know how you are, I just want to say it to clear any thoughts.”

After about 10 seconds you noticed your mother’s ongoing silence. You peeked up at her nervously, wondering why she hadn’t said anything.

You were shocked to see she had a smile on her face. Did she know?

“I’m glad it was only positive stuff that happened ma’ite, is there anything else you want to say?”

You choked as you remembered the fact Awpxey is now courting you.

“Babygirl?” Your dad asked.

“Uhm.. Yeah. One more thing..” You let out a nervous chuckle.

“Awpxeyaskedtocourtmesoweretechnicallykindofdatingnow!” You rushed out in one breath.

“What?” Your parents said simultaneously.

You took a deep breath. “Awpxey asked to court me. So.. We’re technically kind of dating now…”

Your eyes were shut. And you wanted to keep it that way.

You peeked through one squinted eyelid, just to see your mother holding your fathers head.

Your body slumped in as you stared on in disbelief.

“Sh, sh, sh, it’s okay ma’jake. It’s okay.” Your mother patted his head.

“Wha- Mom. What is even happening right now?” You jumbled out.

You then heard a hiccup. A deep one.

Is your father crying?

“Dad?” You asked worriedly.

When his head lifted to face towards you your heart broke. You had never seen your father cry in your 17 years of living. So to see his tearful face and swollen eyes, knowing you were the reason broke you.

“Dad.” Your eyes watered, hands clenching into fists at your side to try and hold them back.

“Oh babygirl, come here.” You both hugged, he held you close to him, and you cried into his shoulder. Happy to feel the familiar parental love and warm body that used to hold you when you were young.

The sensation had felt so far away at this point. It was heartwarming to feel it again.

Feel it as if you were little all over again.

“I’m sorry dad.” You didn’t know what exactly you were apologizing for, whether it was for making him cry, dating Awpxey or both. But regardless, you knew you had to apologize.

Your mother looked at you both with a smile on her face, an idea flashing in her head.

“You should invite him for dinner.” You and your father turned to look at your mother quickly. Both talking out at the same time.

“No!”

“Really?”

You look to your father quickly, trying to catch his eye as he avoided looking at you.

“I mean, uh. Yeah, uhm yeah. H-he should come for dinner, yeah.”

Your mother came forward, patting Jake on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine ma’Jake. I think it would be nice, think about it. We can see what he’s really like.”

You nodded, “please dad? He’s super nice, and respectful! He’s like a family man.” You had made sure to add the last comment because you knew it would win your dad over.

You could see the cogs in his brain working as he actually thought about it.

“Hmm.. Okay, okay fine he can come over for dinner.”

You jumped into his arms, knocking him onto his butt on the floor. “Thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you dad! I love you!” You kissed his cheeks and hugged him, he smiled as he hugged you back.

“You’re welcome, and I love you too babygirl.”

“Now go, go get him for dinner. Because I will start preparing it soon.” Your mother shooed you, and you left hastily with a new excitement as she was pulling you out the hut.

You walked around for a bit, looking for Awpxey’s hut when you finally noticed his father, Puo outside, hanging loincloths to dry.

You walk up to him speaking quietly as to not abruptly disturb him. “Excuse me, Mr. Relongtai?” He turned around at the call of his name.

“Oh, Y/n. Oel Ngati Kameie.” He said, doing the hand sign’s greeting. “Oel Ngati Kameie.” You greet back.

“What brings you here Y/n?” He asked.

So Awpxey hasn’t said anything to his parents. Good, that’s good. For right now at least.

“I was wondering if I could borrow Awpxey for dinner? My, uhm, my parents invited him over for dinner.” Puo had smiled at you.

“That’s fine with me! I’ll pack him a plate to take so he doesn’t go over there empty handed! Just go look for him inside and tell him to get presentable. Don’t need my son to look ugly if I’m handsome.” He mutters his last sentence sarcastically, chuckling at his own joke.

“If I’m being honest, he has your looks!” You gave a kind smile.

Puo paused, “really?” He asked, patting his cheeks. He smiled before running into the hut, yelling, “Itxä! Itxä! Y/n said Awpxey has my looks! That means I look young right?”

You peeked into the hut, seeing Puo kneeling next to Itxä who was re-braiding her hair.

“Puo! Get away from me! Go hang the clothes like I told you!” She was nudging him away with her elbow, still skillfully braiding her hair.

“But Itxä, you don’t think I’m handsome?” Puo asked with a frown.

“I mean, sometimes. It deducts points when you drool, you know unless-” She was cut off by Puo.

“Okay! Thanks by honey see you later!” He rushed back out the hut.

You finally noticed Awpxey in the corner, cringing at his mother’s innuendo.

“Mom really? Unless? Unless what? You know, don’t even answer I’m okay.” You giggled, a hand covering your mouth.

That had caught Itxä and Awpxey’s attention. Awpxey stood with a smile once he saw you.

“Y/n. Are you okay? Did everything go good?” He approached you, a nervous look in his eye.

You nodded happily, “yeah, everything went good. Really good actually. They want you to come over for dinner.”

Awpxey’s eyes widened. They wanted him to come over?

“R-really?” He was shocked, very shocked.

“Mhm! And I’m sure it’s with good intention! My mother proposed the idea and my father even agreed!” You fiddled with a bracelet on your arm.

“Mrs. Relongtai, is it okay if Awpxey comes over for dinner at my house?” You ask, knowing it would be rude to not even acknowledge her.

“Yes please, don’t even ask! It’s good he goes out. Or just gets out.” She adds quietly.

“What? Mom!” He turned to her, her head facing the wall to not look at him.

“What? I didn’t say anything!” She rolled her eyes. “Make sure you take a plate of food to offer to the Sully’s! Don’t even think you’re going over there empty handed slugging your shoulders.” You laughed, covering your mouth as it accidentally came out to loud.

“Y/n? You’re laughing too?” You placed your hand on his chest, still covering your mouth, shaking your head.

“No, no I was just, uhm..” You mumbled from behind your hand as you tried to think of an excuse.

“You’re hurting my heart Y/n.” Awpxey said walking away, going and packing a plate of what his parents had made for dinner.

“You’ll be fine, and make sure you tell the Sully’s I said hello, Awpxey!” Itxä called from the floor.

“I will, bye mom, love you!” Awpxey said as he started to leave the hut, you in tow.

“Bye, love you too!” She called back. As you walked by his father, he also said his farewells.

“Bye dad, love you.” He said as he intertwined his fingers with yours.

“Bye Awpxey, see you later, correct?” His dad teased. Awpxey pursed his lips in embarrassment.

“Yeah dad see you later.” Awpxey grumbled.

“See you son, love you.” Puo said before turning back around, continuing to hang up clothing items and other pieces.

“Love you too.” Awpxey then pulled you a long with him, walking to your hut.

“Awpxey?” You call for him.

“Hm?” He hums back in response.

“How do you know where I live?” You genuinely question. You weren’t trying to press him on anything personal, you just wanted to know.

“Y/n..” He says, his face was almost in a form of shock. “What?” You respond confused.

“Almost like everybody knows where you live… You’re a royal Y/n, even then, everybody knows where everybody lives. And your hut gets a bit rowdy with your siblings. Though it’s definitely not the biggest household.” You nodded in agreement at his last comment, you always wonder how the Ipexti Family is doing.

And wonder how they even managed 14 kids.

“Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I’m sure my brother kind of just lets everybody know doesn’t he?” You said with a small laugh.

You didn’t notice it, but Awpxey stared at you, looking at your smile, and all the features on your face.

Eywa took her time on her.

He had thought, he shook his head continuing to walk towards your house.

As you got closer, you slowed as you noticed your brother, Lo’ak, standing in the entrance of the hut. His arms crossed over his chest and his foot tapping impatiently on the ground.

“Oh God…” You mumbled as you seen him.

“Is that Lo’ak?” Awpxey asked, his eyes squinting as he smiled.

“Oh my God. Just walk by or something, cover your face so he doesn’t see us.” You muttered as you placed a hand to cover the side of your face.

“Y/n!” A voice suddenly yelled out. You did not turn your head as you knew exactly who it was.

“Y/n Sully!” Lo’ak continued to yell.

Now you see why everyone knows where you live.

You walked even slower towards your home. Awpxey laughed, seeing how you felt embarrassed.

Once you were finally near the entrance, you had noticed Neteyam stand up from the table and stand behind Lo’ak. Once you were in front of Lo’ak, he squinted his eyes to Awpxey.

“And who are you?” Lo’ak sneered at him.

“Lo’ak!” But your call had fallen on deaf ears.

Awpxey opened his mouth to answer, but was silenced when a hand rose up towards his face.

“Save it. I want to know what you’re doing with my sister. And why you’re here, holding her hand.” Lo’ak poked his chest, his eyes trained solely on Awpxey.

“Lo’ak.” You let out a low warning, Neteyam seemed to notice how serious you gotten. So he reached forward and placed a hand gently around Lo’ak’s elbow.

Awpxey raised his hands in surrender, balancing the covered plate of food in his other.

“I come in no harm. I’m here with your sister for this dinner and to meet your family.” Awpxey explained.

“Meet us for what? Are you trying to mate her?” Lo’ak jabbed his finger back into Awpxey’s chest, and his eyes widened at Lo’aks question, not even the gesture.

That’s when Neteyam pulled Lo’ak back by his elbow, turning him around and pushing him into the hut.

“That’s enough.” He said to Lo’ak, still gripping onto his arm. Lo’ak pulled his arm back, walking to the table and sitting down.

“I apologize for his behavior, he doesn’t usually act like this.” Neteyam said, facing Awpxey with an apologetic smile.

“That’s alright, I can see why he’s upset.” Awpxey smiled.

When Neteyam had finally looked away, you turned to Awpxey, “I’m sorry about him. Don’t let him make you upset he does that to everybody really.”

Awpxey laughed, “it’s okay Y/n, I really don’t have have a problem with it.” He said with a smile.

You nodded, giving a nervous smile back. When you faced back towards the hut, grabbing his hand gently. You were shocked to see how everyone in the hut had a stiff face.

Your mother and father included.

What happened to the happy go lucky moods they had earlier when they told you to invite him?

You sighed, already feeling defeated in some way.

You just hoped he didn’t want to leave you.

Approaching the table, you sat in your usual spot, making sure that there was enough space for Awpxey before looking at everyone.

No one was batting an eyelash at you, everyone was looking at Awpxey. Their faces serious. It shocking to you to see even Tuk staring at him with her face hard from next to you.

She grabbed onto your arm, hugging herself around it and resting her head in your bicep, your hand instinctively coming to the top of her head.

You couldn’t see it, but Tuk smiled to the other side of the table. To your siblings that sat on the other side, expectant.

They must have not taken the news of you bringing a boy home too kindly.

The tension in the air was so thick, and you could see it was working Awpxey’s nerves as he rubbed his hands up and down his thighs.

Though he was the first to break the silence, “I brought a plate of fwampop, I helped my mother make it for dinner. I don’t know if any of you like that, so I apologize if you don’t. I’m sure it should still be warm.” He pulled the wrapping off the top of the plate, showing the seasoned meat, steam elevating as the barrier was released.

“Fwampop is fine.” It was Kiri’s voice who cut into the air next. You noticed her posture and realized how intimidating she actually looked. Her arms crossed over her chest as she looked at Awpxey, the usual warm expression she wears, gone.

“Yeah, thank you.” Tuk said as she leaned forward, making sure to be in his line of sight as her tone wasn’t the most, welcoming.

Your mother gave an expectant look towards your brothers, making them flicker their eyes to each other before looking back at Awpxey.

“Thank you.” It wasn’t exactly rude, but it wasn’t nice either. You’ve never heard them sound so passive aggressive.

“It was very nice of you to bring us something, Awpxey.” Your mother broke her characteristic silence, her voice calming and comforting as she nodded her head Awpxey.

“Now, how about we eat, yeah?” Your dad asked, placing his hand around Neytiri’s waist, pulling her closer.

You all hummed and nodded in agreement.

When you all began to serve yourselves, saying a quick prayer before eating, you took the time to look around. Seeing that the atmosphere had lightened up somewhat, they were making their own conversations. In their own little worlds.

So you took that as an opportunity to talk to Awpxey.

“Hey..” You whisper, bumping his knee with yours. He turns his head, responding in a quiet “hm?” As he finished the food he was chewing.

“You okay?” You continue to whisper, keeping your head as straight as possible while still attempting to look at him.

“Yeah I’m good.” He whispered back, nodding.

“Good.” You nodded, giving him a smile before returning back to your food.

Once you all began to approach the end of your meals, you noticed everybody start to sit up straighter, clearing their throats.

Oh God.. The questions were to start now…

“So Awpxey..” Your father started, Awpxey already had his head up, his eyes and ears focused on your father to catch every word he said.

“What do you do? For the clan?” He finished.

Awpxey cleared his throat, “I am a Warrior.” Your father’s eyes widened for a split moment.

“Warrior?” Awpxey nodded. “Yes sir, I am.”

“How come..” Your father’s eyebrows were furrowed. “How come I’ve never seen you?”

Awpxey smiled, “I guess I’m not that important, or just unnoticeable.” You wrapped your fingers around his, your face scrunching in confusion.

His smile.. He looked so dejected, his eyes having a dog-tired look swirling in his irises.

You didn’t care if anyone at the table got mad at you for showing some type of ‘affection’ towards Awpxey.

Neytiri looked at the both of you, a smile on her face as she noticed the slight movement under the table.

“You work along side your father?” Your dad asked, wanting to change the subject as he as well noticed the expression on Awpxey.

Awpxey nodded, “most of the time, unless we’re assigned apart to different groups.” Your father hummed and nodded.

Neytiri cleared her throat quietly, bringing the attention of everyone to her.

“I made kalin paste. If anybody wants any?”

Everyone around the table quickly nodded. Your mother looked towards Jake, pointing her chin to the pot that held the paste.

“And don’t eat it all while you’re over there.” Your fathers ears twinged purple in embarrassment.

“I won’t..” He muttered, his lips pursed as he walked to the steaming pot.

Minutes later, you all had your own servings of the kalin paste. Lo’ak with the most on his plate.

As you finished up your plate, you took the time to look around at your family.

Neteyam, he was in his own world, Lo’ak, he was still scraping for scraps of the paste on his plate, Kiri, she was fiddling with something in her hands, your parents, who were talking with their hands in front of their face as if they were gossiping like teenagers.

Which they were.

Now on your right, closest to your parents was Awpxey. And you were unprepared when you turned your head to look at him to find him already staring at you.

“Hey..” He whispers, a smile on his face.

“Hi.” You whisper back, the same smile mirroring onto your face.

“Can you tell your mom that her kalin paste is the best I’ve had? It’s really good, please tell her.” You smiled, your hand coming to cover it as you nodded in agreement.

“What are you doing?” As he asked, you hesitated in answering, but you had already decided.

“People Watching.” You say with an embarrassed smile.

“People Watching?” Awpxey echoes curiously. You were relieved when you didn’t hear any type of disgust or disappointment in his tone or face. He was genuinely curious.

“It’s where you kind of just, uhm, you know. Watch people? But it’s not that simple. You- you mostly actually observe them. And think, think a lot about what they’re like, or what they can be like. What they could be like. You evaluate them, study, but on a emotional and physical note? When you People Watch, you aren’t supposed to judge, because all it is, is an observation, and thinking.” As you end your rambling, you bring a hand to your mouth and squeeze it tightly, not even for a second.

It was an unfortunate habit you developed young when you realized you talked to much.

Awpxey noticed, and in an attempt to distract you, he grabbed your hand gently. Intertwining your fingers together.

“That’s really cool.” He squeezes your hand, a toothy smile adorning his lips.

“You think so?” Your eyes search his, looking for any type of sign that could show he’s lying.

“Of course! How long have you been doing this?”

“My whole life. It’s actually like a hereditary thing. Mostly between the females in my family. My grandma, her mom, my mom, my late aunt, my sisters do it too, only sometimes. And my brothers.” You roll your eyes at the me ruin of your brothers, thinking of mostly Lo’ak. He stares at people. Little weirdo.

You hoped, hoped that this genetic trait didn’t scare him away and make you look even more like the weirdo you are.

It doesn’t, it really doesn’t.

All these little things you tell him, these details. He eats it all up, saving it to his memories and saving it to learn more about it later.

He was planning to try and do this “People Watching” trick when he got home, or when his stomach wasn’t as full.

Maybe he could try it with his parents? His friends while they train, or just strangers around the clan.

Though nobody in this clan is really a stranger.

“I wanna try it,” he frowned. You laughed, “why are you frowning? You could try it now if you want? With my parents and siblings? But you might be too tired, kalin paste is heavy on the stomach.” He nodded in agreement.

“Can I do it tomorrow? I really wanna try it.” He slouched.

You smiled, “you can do it tomorrow. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Awpxey smiled, looking at yours. His eyes trailed your face, looking at your lips.

It was as if his surroundings melted, Awpxey was stuck in a white space with just you. His hand squeezed yours tighter, eyes moving across your face in a triangular motion.

When he began to raise his hand to try and caress your chin, everything rushed back to him.

He’s still in your family’s hut, still sitting at your dining table, still with your family.

“Oh, uhm.” He stumbled, his hand slowly coming back down, lightly slapping against his lap.

You let out a small chuckle, wondering what was going through Awpxey’s head at this exact moment.

“Awpxey?” You mutter quietly, a small giggle escaping your mouth as you see him come back to reality, blinking a bit too hard.

“S-sorry Y/n..” He stuttered, you began to nod in response, opening your mouth to say something before something brushed against your back, skin brushed against your back.

You turn your head to look behind you, only to be met with a swaying Tuk, a drowsy weighed-down look on her face.

“Tuk?” Your sister took your attention from Awpxey. Though he had no problem with that with how questionable Tuk’s state was.

“Is she okay?” But Awpxey’s voice only echoed in the back of your mind, right now, the only thing you can think of is Tuk.

“Tuk? Tuk what happened?” You grasped her cheeks in your hands, turning her face towards you. You could tell she was mumbling something, but you could not see what.

“What are you saying Tuk? What happened?”

“A-ate to much… Ate to much kalin paste.. Stomach hurts and I’m very tired…” She mumbled.

You felt a bit relieved as you realized it wasn’t anything serious, but the fact she was in pain made you sad.

“Okay then Tuk,” you laugh. “I’ll go put you to bed, okay?”

All Tuk was able to offer back was a simple nod.

You stood up, scooping Tuk up in a bridal style. She was obviously very, very tired by the way she snuggled her head closer to your chest, curling up in your arms.

When you reached the sleeping mats, you placed Tuk on her respective mat, tucking her in, saying a quick prayer before you placed a kiss on her forehead and left.

When you arrived back at the table, your parents had asked you what happened with Tuk, which you explained.

“She ate to much kalin paste and got dizzy? But she was swaying and said her stomach hurt, oh, and that she was tired. So I just put her to bed.”

Your mother smiles and nodded in appreciation, you always made things a bit easier for her around the house.

You loved helping out, it would make you feel complete when you were always able to help people.

Awpxey watched you, he watched quietly as he seen you walk back to the table, an empty spot now behind you where Tuk was previously sat.

“Sorry about that. I just get really worried about my siblings.” You rub your hand against your forearm embarrassingly, not noticing Awpxey’s smile.

“Don’t apologize for it, it’s okay.” He messed with his loincloth. You smile, flashing a tired smile.

Awpxey had noticed, seeing the small bags under your eyes. “Hey, do you want me to go now? You look pretty tired.” Your eyes flicker to his, now at the fact it was pointed out, you started to feel sluggish. Your eyes struggling to keep themselves open as the kalin paste started to push down on your stomach.

“You know what? Now that you said that, I actually feel super tired.” You rub your eye, holding back a yawn in your throat. Awpxey smiled at you, “I’ll tell your parents.”

He turned towards your parents, who were still in their conversation, trying to find a part to speak to them without interrupting.

“Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Sully?” Your parents stop, looking towards Awpxey, “yeah honey?” Neytiri says with a smile.

“I’m going to be heading home now, Y/n’s very tired and I don’t want to hold your family up any longer.” Neytiri and Jake both smiled, nodding their heads toward Awpxey.

“Okay Awpxey, be careful and make it home safe, okay?” Your mom said. Awpxey nodded, “I will Mrs. Sully! Thank you for having me for dinner, it was very good, and your kalin paste is the best!” Neytiri and Jake laughed together, your father nodding in agreement.

You smiled, getting up to walk Awpxey to the entrance of the hut. But what you didn’t know was that Kiri had also gotten up, following you both out the hut.

Right when you were about to wish Awpxey a goodnight and send him off, your sister, Kiri had rounded the corner coming to a stop at your side.

“Kiri? Is something wrong?” Your sister shook her head, looking forward to Awpxey.

“I wanted to bring him this, here you go Awpxey.” Your sister pushed an object into Awpxey’s hand.

Awpxey looked down at it, holding and feeling the smoothed surface of the object, not being able to tell what it was straight away.

“It’s a Lepidolite, a peace stone, it brings good luck. I’m giving it to you now that you are in a relationship with my sister, so you are both stable enough to take care of each other.” Kiri said with a sincere nod. Awpxey smiled, “thank you Kiri. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

You watched with smile, seeing how Awpxey fidgeted with the polished surface of the lilac-gray crystal.

“Goodnight guys, see you in the morning Y/n.” Kiri waved the both of goodbye, walking back into the hut and heading towards the sleeping mats.

You waved her goodbye, turning back towards Awpxey, feeling shy.

“Too quiet to say goodnight to me now too?” Awpxey teased as he leaned down to your face, trying to catch your eyes.

You giggled, “be quiet Awpxey.” Your cheeks burning as you smiled hard.

You turned your head up in his direction, smiling as you tried to hold back a laugh and make eye contact with him.

“Goodnight Awpxey, get a good nights rest, okay?” He nodded, reciprocating. “You too Y/n, sleep well..”

You both stood in a small silence, it was comfortable and not awkward. Awpxey was the one who made the initiating move and leaned forward, planting a small kiss on your lips.

You were quick to kiss him back, making sure not to leave his lips stranded for too long.

When you both parted, a small ‘smooch’ sound indicating that your lips separated, you stood with your hands clasped together behind your back.

“Goodnight Y/n.”

“Goodnight Awpxey.”

After finally saying goodnight, Awpxey walked back home, smiling all the way back to his hut. Happy to see his parents together in their sleeping mat.

When you were done recollecting yourself outside of your hut, you walked back inside. Shocked to find all the plates put away, hanging to dry.

When you walked toward the family room, looking to see where everyone went. You were not shocked to see everybody already asleep, tangled in their own bedrolls.

You were happy to see your parents together in their sleeping mat.

Getting into your mat and tucking yourself in, you reflected on your day. Thinking about how it was a really good day and how your family accepted Awpxey.

You yawned, turning on your left side as your eyes began to shut due to your tiredness.

Warmly, you let your body succumb to the drowsiness you felt.

Oh my gosh you guys. This is longggg… I feel like almost all of my stories are long, maybe to long. Because I just write when I have the time and I don’t have like an active word count, so i just write. I apologize if it’s to much for you! Also I just want to mention @creamboba ! I didn’t know if you wanted to be tagged, I’m sorry if you didn’t! Oh my gosh please excuse any spelling mistakes I try my best to proof read but I get tired you guys. But anyway, thank you for reading 🤍!

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dollyhao · 6 months

Text

ameliorate; to make better

pairing: dina x reader

summary: dina is overwhelmed by all the things that happened in seattle…. and ellie, and being a single mother doesn’t make it any easier. when a sweet woman comes to make her life easier...better.

toni's note: there's nothing to warn about besides a bit angst, it doesn't really get angsty till the next part. im hoping i can make this into 3 parts. thank you for 800 followers by the way!

word count: 1k

you hear the sound of a wailing baby as you make your way back home, you follow the sound. you cant be too sure about these kinda things, what if something bad happened. you stumble upon dina rocking baby jj in a rocking chair on her porch, shushing him trying to console him. dina looks tired and overwhelmed, dark circles under her eyes and unbrushed hair.

you approach her gently not wanting to startle her, “hey, can i try?” you give her a gentle smile pointing at jj. dina tucks a piece of hair behind her ear nodding, “y-yea sure. you can try, hes been crying a lot lately.” you reach for jj bouncing and rocking in a comforting rhythm, chanting soft shushes. jj quiets down letting out a calm gurgle. you look back up at dina seeing her rub her hands down her face in an exhausted manner.

she chuckles, “i cant even get my son to be quiet let alone sleep, ellie was really good at that..” she puts her elbows on her knees putting her face in her hands. you stay quiet letting her have her moment, still rocking jj as he starts to doze off. dina seems to regroup, looking back up at you curiously, “would you like to come in? its getting cold out here.” dina offers standing up. “yea, thanks.”

dina walks into the house and you follow, “no. thank you. i appreciate what you did. “ “where’s his bed?” you ask now that jj is fast asleep. “he sleeps with me, the room is down the hall.” you go to the room, laying jj down, making sure hes comfortable before leaving the room. dina is in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, “would you like some?” she glances at you over her shoulder. “yes please.” you stand awkwardly, hands in your back pockets swaying a little. she nods over to the living room with 2 cups in her hands. you follow taking a seat on the couch as she hands you a cup.

you thank her, taking a sip. “are you new to jackson? i dont remember ever seeing you before.” you chuckle, “no im not new, ive been here for years now.” you give a shy smile. “oh im sorry, i cant believe ive never noticed you.” “its fine. i preferred to stay to myself anyway. i work at the school. im a teacher,” you sit your cup down looking at her, “i always wanted to approach you, i thought you were beautiful. but you were dating jesse and then after you and jesse broke up, you and ellie made a nice little scene at the party.” you chuckle watching her face flush slightly. “also, im sorry about jesse…. and ellie.” she nods, quiet for a minute before replying. “thank you, for the jesse and ellie thing… and for calling me beautiful.” you smile at her.

you look outside seeing how dark it was getting, “i should get going.” you say standing up. dina stands up too, “thank you again. he probably would’ve cried through the night.” “of course, just let me know if you need my help again. ill be happy to help.” you walk backwards as you talk smiling at her until you run into a wall. “ah, shit..” you say rubbing the back of your head. dina laughs and follows you to the door as you turn around and walk correctly. “ill be sure to ask for your help again.” she says giving you a soft, genuine smile.

a week later, you walk into the dining hall as maria is walking out, “hey maria, is there anything you needed from me?” you wanted to make sure there wasn’t something you were suppose to be doing that you forgot about. “no. nothing that i can remember. im about to take this to dina, i wanna make sure shes staying fed.” “ill take it to her!” you say a little too eagerly for your taste. for the last week, you’ve been trying to find any excuse to visit dina and jj when you weren’t busy. dina doesn’t seem to ever object to the company. she appreciates you coming around and talking to her and playing with the baby. so when this opportunity pops up, of course your gonna take it. “let me grab myself a plate and ill take hers to her.” you say taking the plate out her hands. “well ok. thank you.” you smile before walking away.

you get to dina’s door knocking with the two plates in your hands. dina opens the door looking a little breathless, “oh, hey.” she gives you one of her soft smiles shes been giving you quite a lot. “hey, i brought you food. not sure if you ate or not.” “right.. food. i definitely forgot to eat. “ she says rubbing a hand through her hair. she gives another small smile, but this one doesn’t reach her eyes. “thats ok. i have food for you, lets not dwell to much on a honest mistake. k?” she nods. you hear a baby cry in the background, “i see you have two plates. wanna come in and eat? i was just feeding jj.” “id love to” you respond walking in.

you guys walk to the dining table where you find jj in a high chair. “hey baby boy!” you say tickling his belly, he lets out a squeal/giggle. you and dina sit on either sides of him after a minute, you see dina subtly go to smell herself. she lets out a wince, “um do you mind feeding him while i go take a shower.” you nod, “of course.” you say as you slide his food bowl over to yourself. you give dina a reassuring smile letting her know its ok.

when dina gets out the shower and is dressed, she walks in the living room while brushing her hair seeing you and jj on the carpet in her living room playing. she smiles, it felt good being able to enjoy a shower without rushing out to jj. she trusts you with jj almost the way she trusted ellie with him. yall look her way, both you and jj smiling at her. she comes and joins, both of you enjoying the sweet giggles of the cute baby.

(part 1)

#wlw #lesbian #the last of us #dina tlou #dina woodward #dina x reader #tlou2 #dina tlou2 #dina woodward fanfic

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argisthebulwark · 9 days

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"Would You Kill For Me?"

summary: asking your partner the most intimate question of all - would he kill for you? gn reader, no pronouns or y/n used. feat: Cicero, Teldryn, Vilkas, Miraak, Brynjolf, Erandur, Farkas, Mercer warnings: obv allusions to violence, nothing explicit. alcohol.

"I already have."

Cicero giggles, slapping a gloved hand on your shoulder. "Of course I've killed for you! Silly Listener, asking your poor, beloved Cicero such a question." Rationally, you know any other person would be upset - but it's endearing. You know deep in your heart that Cicero would slice through anyone who even looks at you wrong without a second thought. "Would you kill for your Keeper?" He asks coyly, sliding closer. It's too difficult to resist his charm. You find yourself grinning, remembering the many threats of bodily harm you've inflicted upon any initiate who breathes a negative word about your beloved. "Any day, my love."

"Why? You offering to return the favor?" Teldryn smirks before taking a drink from his mug. The tip of his boot knocks into yours under the table, earning a nice flush in your cheeks. You've clearly had too much to drink but Teldryn looked so pretty in the low tavern lighting, the alcohol loosening your tongue enough to voice all those silly little questions you've had floating around. "You have?" You urge, leaning so far over the table you're practically laying on it. Teldryn grins, bowing toward you and his voice conspiratorially low when he speaks again. "Of course - why do you think all that chatter about you being an untrustworthy outlander stopped so quickly?" "I thought my good deeds were enough to earn their trust." You pout, thinking back on the sudden shift in opinion. "Oh yes, yes - that too, but a few well placed jabs never hurt."

"I'd die for you."

"Isn't that better? To die for you?" Vilkas laments, lips stained red from his third glass of wine. The question had hardly been in your mind before it slipped out - late nights toasting to the Companions often left you tipsy. "I'd rather you lived for me." You hiccup, leaning closer to him. Those dark eyes still track every little move you make despite the intoxication. "A happy, long live if I have any say in the matter." He lapses into silence but you know his mind is still chewing on that question. Swirling the wine in his glass Vilkas reclines into his seat, staring earnestly into the low burning fire. "Vilkas, it was just a silly question." Those eyes cut straight through you, blinking away whatever retort he'd come up with before simply placing a kiss to the back of your hand.

"I would die in your stead." Miraak's hands cup your face, each word soaked in adoration. "I've died in your arms once, my Dragon. I would gladly do it once more." You will never truly grow accustomed to this version of him - stripped of the malice he'd lived with for so long, he's become devoted to you. Too many pupils gaze lovingly into your eyes, the crooked bridge of his nose bumping yours. You've never known a love like his and doubt that many ever will - he's had lifetimes to yearn, to want something more and hone a vocabulary that often leaves you a flustered mess. "You're far too serious." He grins at those words, the ones you've said dozens of times. "I would tear the world to shreds for you, my love. I would tear myself to shreds."

"I cant."

Brynjolf's words carry a silent apology - of course you knew his answer but watching him squirm can be fun. "I'm sorry, love - I know it isn't the romantic answer but I don't think I could bring myself to do somethin' like that. Not after -" "Bryn." Grasping his face, your heart still skips a beat when those green eyes find yours. "I know that blade you wear is simply decorative, I would never ask you to draw it." "It is not merely decorative, it serves other purposes." "Such as?" "It's fairly useful for intimidation. And breaking windows." He huffs, pressing a kiss to your palm. He pauses for a moment, eyes falling closed and nose nuzzled into your hand. "Truth be told, I like to say that I wouldn't - hell, I tell myself I won't take a life every day, but after Mercer takin' you away from me, I'm not so sure."

"I swore against such actions, my love." Erandur murmurs, forehead pressed to yours. "Lady Mara may have forgiven my past transgressions but I took an oath to bring no further harm to her people." "Of course, dearest." You smile, a bit entertained by how easy it is to get him talking. Erandur's fingers play across yours, rings bumping into your knuckles. "Would you kill for me?" You're a bit shocked by his question, even further surprised by the little hint of hope buried in his words. "Without second thought." It's the easiest answer in the world. Of course you would kill for Erandur - you would fight through hordes of enemies to ensure his safety. "I can only pray that your Lady's forgiving attitude extends to me."

"Of course."

Brows raised, Farkas assesses you across the training yard. He sucks in a deep breath, wiping the sweat from his brow before heaving the giant practice sword over one shoulder. "Any day." He says easily, a quick kiss pressed to your brow. No matter how long you're together this sight still seems too good to be true - muscles glistening in the midday sun, his hair tied back and an easy smile on his face. "Why, you need someone killed?" "Not at the moment." "If one of those recruits gets too mouthy, you come find me." He grins before turning his attention back to a battered training dummy. You notice after that question that his sword strikes just a bit harder, hammering that point home.

"No." Mercer lies, kicking his feet atop the desk. You mirror his position - boots on the desk and arms crossed, though the scowl is hard to mimic. He's perfected it. "Yes you would." You counter, fighting back a laugh when he rolls his eyes. That little divot appears between his brows - it's cute. You'd tell him but fear being assigned some awful job across the continent. "Why bother asking?" He grumbles, shoving a stack of paperwork toward you. "If you insist on hanging around asking inane questions, least you could do is make yourself useful." "I'd kill for you." "Lovely." He mutters, though you note a bit of color rising in his cheeks when he turns to some parchment he'd pointedly ignored all evening. It's too easy to get under his skin.

#writing #skyrim #skyrim x reader #x reader fanfic #cicero #teldryn sero #vilkas #miraak #brynjolf #erandur #farkas #mercer frey

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lucysarah-c · 1 month

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Hi! Happy new years eve ✨🥂 hope you had an awesome 2023 and all my best wishes and blessings for 2024 🫶🏼

Now, I can’t get this idea out of my head. Levi adopting a kitten with his girl. I always thought of Levi like a cat person, idk he just seem to fit on it. And as a cat person myself I would love to read something about it.

I can imagine him thinking is a bad idea but then he cant go anywhere in the house without the kitty 🫶🏼 so adorable I guess

Ahhh happy new year!! Thank you for all your well wishes and sending them back to you! I'm sorry it took me this long to write this for you sweetie! T-T so sorry

It started in the least expected way. Levi and his group of friends had been trying to find new ways to spend time together in their difficult adult lives. They wanted to revisit certain activities they used to enjoy in their glory college days and bond a little. You, of course, didn’t complain. If Levi decided to go camping with his friends or hiking on any weekend, it was also a chance for you to hang out with your friends at home, maybe watch a movie he doesn’t like, and have a “me” afternoon. It was all positive until Levi began to notice something during their hangouts.

Dogs.

All of them, particularly Mike and Erwin, had their own respective big, fluffy, loyal-to-death dogs that they would take with them on hikes, jogs, or even camping trips. You could see from the look in your boyfriend's eyes that he was envious. The only reason you and Levi hadn’t adopted any pets before wasn’t because of you in particular. You grew up with pets, loved them, and felt that the house was missing something without a fluffy companion. And don’t get me wrong, Levi had always had a soft spot for animals. But, in his own words, “As a kid, my family could never afford one… and Kenny hated them so.”

When you two moved in together, he didn’t want any pets due to "too much hair, too much mess, and too much money spent on the vet." But now, you could see in his eyes that he desired one, especially when they took pictures with his friends' dogs, and Levi hardly ever took pictures himself. Sooner or later, you brought up the idea, and he seemed excited. You quickly guessed that he wasn’t going to be the one to suggest it since perhaps his pride stopped him from admitting that now all the previous reasons he had given you to say no weren’t that important.

One lazy Saturday, you were walking past the doors of a shelter. Both of you admitted that if you were going to get a pet, it would be a rescue, giving the chance for an animal to live the American dream (two adults with good salaries, a pretty house, and no kids) after someone had made them believe they were trash. Both of you talked to the receptionist, who said that soon she would walk both of you to the dog’s department to choose. But when the guide came back and you were ready to go in and check out the puppies with your boyfriend, he was nowhere to be found.

Quickly, you followed the sound of people talking, and there he was, talking to a vet at the cat’s side of the shelter. The vet seemed to be deeply engrossed in conversation with him as you reached his side.

“Lev? Love, they are waiting to show us the dogs,” you called to him before smiling softly at the vet, acknowledging their presence.

“Oh, I was just telling him that she never gets close to anyone, not even to us. It was almost magical seeing her trying to reach out to him,” the vet said, and you quickly concluded it was the cat that was rubbing the top of her head against the front of her cage, trying to reach Levi.

“Aww, poor thing,” you said as you bent down slightly to have a better look at her face and perhaps give the cat some love through the small space of the bars. But the cat quickly moved away from your touch and softly hissed.

It hurt you, despite knowing that all cats have their temperament, until the vet spoke again, “Oh, she has always been a little grumpy; she’s not a fan of people.”

Levi also bent down to the cat's level, and he seemed to be the chosen one because the cat was continuously bumping her head against the cage, seeking more love from him. “Well, that makes two of us,” he commented, admitting his antisocial tendencies.

“When we found her, we thought she was feral because of the damage from living on the streets and her attitude, but we found she was chipped. We contacted the owner, but he said that since she couldn’t have more kittens, they left her in the streets,” both of you slightly raised to look at the shelter’s owner with heartbroken faces. “She’s been here for a while, but nobody wants her because she’s old, grumpy, and because of all the pregnancies she had, she has FIV, which is an expensive treatment an-”

“I’m taking her,” Levi interrupted the vet without a second thought, and you were about to comment that the plan was to get a dog, nothing against taking the little cat.

“Are you sure? It’s a lot of responsibility, and she’s rather old,” the vet warned.

“I’m sure. What do I have to do to take her home?” Levi replied with confidence.

That’s how Chai Tea, or just Chai, came into your life. She was a grumpy old lady, but you two loved her to death, especially Levi. She seemed to be a golden brownish Persian, which made sense given her breeding history, but one of her ears was damaged from living on the streets, giving her a permanently angry face. The first sign of her enjoying being a spoiled princess was during her first visit to the vet after her adoption, when the instructions were to reduce her food rations because she was already a bit too chubby.

“Shhh, don’t listen to the vet. You’re perfect,” you heard Levi whispering as he rocked her in his arms in the kitchen. “Here, have some ham.”

She was obsessed with him, and he was obsessed with her. Did Levi complain about the hair? A lot, but at least he took the effort to vacuum and brush her himself. In his own words, “If I can make her life worth it for even a little bit at the end of it, then I’ll do it.”

It was endearing to receive a text message from Levi saying "On my way home," and then witness the little fluffy ball rushing down the hallway with her short legs once you tell her "Chai! Daddy is coming home!"

It was incredibly cute how she would meow all the way to the front door, occasionally looking back at you to make sure both of you were going to greet him.

It’s rather funny how he went to a shelter to get a big dog for his "bro's" adventures and came back with a cat that demanded to be picked up and rocked in his arms while he prepared dinner. Even funnier is how he accepted it. Now your camera phone is full of pictures and videos of Levi humming lullabies, sleeping with a cat on top of him, or holding her up in the air so she can hunt a moth.

A little bit jealous? Perhaps. Sometimes, Levi seems more eager to greet the fluffy cat when he gets home than he is to greet you. But being able to give an elderly cat a second chance was a better experience than anything else.

Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @i-literally-cant-with-this @angelofthorr @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @s0meb0dy-0nce-t0ld-me @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hum4n-wr3ckag3 @hannieslovebot @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @flxrartsstuff @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee Wanna join my tag list? Here!

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cinefairy · 1 year

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move with love, not hate.

you cannot hate the person you are now to become the person you want to be.

often times we are our worst critics, we criticise everything about ourselves from the way we talk, walk and move around in the world.

we do this because we think we are not up to par with our peers and the people around us or what social media thinks society should behave like. i know personally for me i would set out a certain high standard for myself and whenever i failed to reach that standard i would just be absolutely cruel to myself.

this brought me nothing i wasn’t doing well mentally and i wasn’t doing well physically because i had battered myself with cruel words. hating myself was one of the worst things i ever done to myself. i ended up treating myself like someone who didn’t deserve love, respect and warmth when in fact i did deserve all those things (and still do).

and its not like i didn’t try to be happy & love myself, i tried many times. i looked deeply at myself in the mirrors trying to force myself. but thats the thing, i was forcing myself. would someone who truly loves themselves force it? no, self-love flows through effortlessly, without trying its a beautiful thing that doesn’t need to be forced but expressed naturally.

it was like a battle in my mind, i was fighting with myself. i never accepted, i never let go i was holding tightly to my own self-hatred and even more so i was hating myself for not getting better. for not thriving like others, i think i was so upset and hurt that i just wanted to continue fighting with myself. it was the only response i knew in stressful situations, it was like a reflex response.

it wasn’t until i made the decision to continue, despite it all where things started to look up for me. no i didn’t go on a rampage of self-love affirmations but instead i accepted myself as i am.

i accepted the things i was pushing down and hiding away from. i accepted that im not like other people and that everyone including me is on different journeys in their lives. theres no point in me comparing.

i accepted my messy and “unpolished” self. i accepted that i have crazy emotions that can override my rational self. i cant be horrible to myself over stuff like that i can only grow and be kinder.

“yes maya, right now you are messy, right now you are going up & down and living with a ton of emotions. that is what a normal human being is like.” — A snippet from my diary in February, 2020.

YES YOU ARE A HUMAN, YES YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. AND YOU ARE BOUND TO MAKE MORE MISTAKES. YES YOU HAVE FAILED. MANY, MANY TIMES. BUT THAT STILL ISNT A VALID REASON TO GIVE UP ON LIFE.

with this new acceptance i was finally able to let go with the old self. it didnt bring me down, i wasn’t holding onto it. it felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, it felt like i can finally be free. that im no longer in the shackles of my past, i released it and with that release came a new person evolving.

once i made this decision, i treaded lightly with myself. when things went wrong i wouldn’t immediately jump to dispute hate onto myself. when i implanted love in my routine i saw myself changing therefore the world around me was changing.

this new-founded acceptance allowed me to bring in pockets of love, i loved how i still had a long journey ahead of me. i loved how i still have so much time to grow. i loved how i can still have setbacks in my life but get up every morning and try again. i loved how the option of starting again and finding myself was always available.

hate brings nothing good, love brings all. love brings new meanings, new memories, new soul adventures, new ways to find things that you really love. new people. its a beautiful thing that we can all experience deeply.

#law of assumption #manifestation #affirmations #dream life #manifesting #neville goddard #void success #void success story #void state #life goals

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toaster-trash · 8 months

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Volume III Chapter IV/V of the original 1818 text of Frankenstein lives in my brain rent free. I need to rant about Clerval’s death or I’ll loose it. (It’s late and I’m exhausted rn so my ass is NOT as coherent and structured as it could be but fuck it we ball)

“He appeared to be a handsome young man, about five and twenty years of age.” MY PRECIOUS BOY

“(…) having brought the body into her house; it was not cold. They put it into a bed, and rubbed it; and Daniel went to the town for an apothecary, but life was quite gone.” HE MIGHTN’T HAVE BEEN DEAD WHEN THEY FOUND HIM BUT IT WAS TOO LATE

“I saw the lifeless form of Henry Clerval stretched before me. I gasped for breath; and, throwing myself on the body, I exclaimed, “Have my murderous machinations deprived you also, my dearest Henry, of life? Two I have already destroyed; other victims await their destiny: but you, Clerval, my friend, my benefactor”——

The human frame could no longer support the agonizing suffering that I endured, and I was carried out of the room in strong convulsions.

A fever succeeded to this. I lay for two months on the point of death (…)” THE WAY VICTOR REACTS TO AND SPIRALS FROM CLERVAL’S DEATH IS SO MUCH MORE SEVERE THAN ANYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENS TO HIM and it’s also an extremely interesting character study to see what happens when the only person he ever really seemed to have a mutual loving and healthy relationship with gets cut out of the picture – Victor’s had his fevers, he’s wallowed, but he always had Clerval to draw him from his wallowing and to nurse him back to health. So what happens when Clerval’s death is the cause of that anguish? THE DRAMA THE ANGST I love these silly little gothic losers to death but watching Frankenstein grieve over the passing of who was pretty much essentially his lover is fascinating to me and it SHOWS how much Frankenstein adores Clerval through the latter’s death. THE MAGNITUDE OF HIS GRIEF IS A TESTAMENT TO THEIR LOVE oml i can’t rn frfr THEYRE SO GAY AND SO GOTHIC I CAN NOT

“Why did I not die? More miserable than man ever was before, why did I not sink into forgetfulness and rest?” “I thank you; but all that you mention is nothing to me: on the whole earth there is no comfort which I am capable of receiving.” “(…)surely I should have died on the coffin of Henry.” AGAIN Victor’s absolute grief tearing himself up over it

“As my sickness quitted me, I was absorbed by a gloomy and black melancholy, that nothing could dissipate. The image of Clerval was for ever before me, ghastly and murdered.” “Sometimes they were the expressive eyes of Henry, languishing in death, the dark orbs nearly covered by the lids, and the long black lashes that fringed them.” Again what I said about his grief being a testament to their love bro, REMINISCING ABOUT HIS DEAD LOVER AND HIS BEAUTY EVEN IN DEATH WHILE GRIEVING HIM I CANT BRO

“Ah! my father, do not remain in this wretched country; take me where I may forget myself, my existence, and all the world.” HERE’S THE START OF HIM PUSHING AWAY THE MEMORY AND TRYING TO SUPPRESS IT BECAUSE THE GRIEF IS TOO SEVERE and that is SO interesting for how he shifts his tone with Elizabeth and puts up that fake demeanour of wanting to marry her because he thinks it’ll make HER happy even though both of them describe dreading the wedding, also possibly another argument for the legitimacy of reading Clerval and Frankenstein’s relationship as romantic – in order to forget him, he assigns himself to the role given to him as a child by marrying Elizabeth and gives up whatever he hope he had (possibly discouraged from Clerval being murdered as a response to Victor refusing to finish the Bride and subject her to the same fate as him and Elizabeth to the Creature, a pact made without her knowledge or consent, an arranged marriage. Where has spiting that tradition led him? Where has him standing up to the shroud of his mother’s dying wishes, hanging over him the entire novel thus far, led him, by refusing to force the Bride into an arranged marriage with the Creature, as he was with Elizabeth? To the death of the one man he truly loved. So fuck it, right? He can at least “make his dear cousin happy” and not die spiting the one thing he was meant to do – make his mother proud from beyond the grave by marrying Elizabeth.)

“the wind that blew me from the detested shore of Ireland(…)” sorry my country traumatised you bro (I mentioned to one of my teachers while explaining the plot of Frankenstein to them, as you do, that this chapter takes place in Ireland and the “god damn ok” face was priceless)

“I was deceived by no vision, and that Clerval, my friend and dearest companion, had fallen a victim to me and the monster of my creation. I repassed, in my memory, my whole life; my quiet happiness while residing with my family in Geneva, the death of my mother, and my departure for Ingolstadt. I remembered shuddering at the mad enthusiasm that hurried me on to the creation of my hideous enemy, and I called to mind the night during which he first lived. I was unable to pursue the train of thought; a thousand feelings pressed upon me, and I wept bitterly.” HE’S TRYING SO DESPERATELY TO LEAVE IT BEHIND AND TO REPRESS IT but now he’s left Ireland and he’s no longer feverish, the clarity washes over him and he can’t do anything except just lie there and cry over everything that’s happened AND MY POOR LAD HE CANT EVEN CONTINUE BEYOND THE POINT OF THE CREATURES REANIMATION BECAUSE THOSE FEELINGS PRESS DOWN ON HIM AND CROWD HIM AND OVERWHELM HIM AND HE JUST BREAKS INTO SOBS

And what happens after “the night during which he first lived”?

He’s saved from his own downward spiral by Clerval.

What’s he doing now?

Going on a downward spiral.

Where’s Clerval?

Dead.

“Ever since my recovery from the fever I had been in the custom of taking every night a small quantity of laudanum; for it was by means of this drug only that I was enabled to gain the rest necessary for the preservation of life. Oppressed by the recollection of my various misfortunes, I now took a double dose, and soon slept profoundly. But sleep did not afford me respite from thought and misery; my dreams presented a thousand objects that scared me.” And Christ above THIS LINE, not only can he now physically not sleep at night after what happened, but he’s gotten into the habit of drug use over it – which wouldn’t have been too bizarre by Victorian standards, but in the 18th century, laudanum wasn’t administered nearly as liberally and was mostly used for surgery, from what I can find, anyway. Not to mention that fact that he starts double dosing on it as the memories come back to him – his grief starts getting to the point where he’s using drug use in order to cope, but it hardly matters as his torment follows him to sleep.

“We had resolved not to go to London, but to cross the country to Portsmouth, and thence to embark for Havre. I preferred this plan principally because I dreaded to see again those places in which I had enjoyed a few moments of tranquillity with my beloved Clerval. I thought with horror of seeing again those persons whom we had been accustomed to visit together, and who might make inquiries concerning an event, the very remembrance of which made me again feel the pang I endured when I gazed on his lifeless form in the inn at ——.” THIS LINE LIVES IN MY BRAIN. RENT FREE. HOW COULD SHELLEY HAVE CUT THIS OUT OF THE 1831 PUBLICATION THIS IS SO GOLDEN DEAR LORD I ADORE THEM.

“MY BELOVED CLERVAL”

BUT ALSO AGAIN we’ve got Frankenstein trying SO desperately to forget everything, and he knows that he can’t face the people who knew Clerval or he’d break down. And I love the way this version continues on his grief to the next chapter – it’s not done and dropped, its ongoing and it plagues him, and it will plague him as long as he lives. I wonder what would happen if he did go through London, if he did meet those people again. Would things have turned out differently? Would he finally have been given a sense of comfort and clarity through mutual grief, as nobody so far since Henry’s death and for the rest of the book, except the creature, ironically, has grieved for Clerval except for Frankenstein. If he met people who took as fondly to Clerval as he did, at least on meeting him briefly, who would have sympathy towards Victor – would he finally have that space to grieve for him in a healthy way, to be comforted by people who at least vaguely understand a fraction of his anguish?

The way Victor Frankenstein BREAKS after the death of Henry Clerval is one of the most fascinating and endearing parts of the novel that completely lives in my head rent free. He spirals, he becomes ill, he becomes deeply suicidal and depressed, he begins drug misuse – and adaptations have the sheer balls to cut Clerval out of the story altogether.

…..”My beloved Clerval” HELP ME HE ACTUALLY SAID IT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

#gothic lit #classic literature #gothic literature #frankenstein #goth lit #classic lit #frankenstein weekly #clervalstein #Victor Frankenstein #Henry Clerval #frankenstein or the modern prometheus #frankenstein 1818

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poemnic-tarot · 10 months

Text

Intuitive Channeled Messages For You

1-2-3

4-5-6

(Disclaimer : This is a general reading please only take what resonated. For entertainment purposes only)

These are short messages I channeled without card, just intuitively. Please let me know what you think, I’d love to know!.

( Art designed on Canva )

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 1 🧸

"You begin to get what life is all about. Every incidents, now you realised, was not a coincidence.It was meticulously planned for you to get here. Where you are today. Every road lead you here where you can see it all from an objective point of view. And you get it, you finally got it. You would not be confused no more, you trust the universe unconditionally. You will go where they lead you. There are fears of course and doubts and hesitation, but they would never stop you from vibrating in a high frequency, a vibration of love and compassion.

You used to be scare, all the time. Scare of life, of people in it, of all your choices, was it the right choice?, did i made the wrong one?.Why is everyone against me, why is the world against me?. Now you realised, it was just all karmic, it was designed specifically for you. So you could learn your lesson and move up. Ascend and become who you are today. Wise, at peace and more trusting than ever. Trusting of life, situation and most importantly, yourself and your choices. What you went through got you here today and you will be forever grateful. To the Divine,to yourself and your soul, for leading you home finally.

Poem: Sorrow To Joy by @cant-find-my-name

This big transition came through

A revelation

Firstly, we changed our beliefs

Reevaluate our wants and our needs

What makes us happy?

Who values we are following

Who we are without the things we do

Strip away all the unnecessary

Let go of pointless worries

To truly turn joyful

First, we shifted our energy

In this new me, being joyful

Is very easy

Song : Coming Back For You by Fireboy DML

Well I pray that the universe Gives you way more than you deserve When the tears fall like shooting stars Remember who you are Just look up to the sky you'll see

Well I pray that the universe Gives you way more than you deserve When the tears fall like shooting stars Remember who you are Just look up to the sky you'll see I'm coming back for you

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 2🛍️

“I can still recall what happened vividly. The memories would never leave me. In a way, it shaped who I am. I identified with what I went through. All of it, the good and the not so good. I appreciates all the good times, all the good people. I wish them well and I know they would do the same for me. I am on a new journey. Honestly, I have no idea where I am going, where am I headed to?.It seem not that important to find out, I figure I'll just start step by step into the unknown. I’m willing to, in a way, I was waiting for this moment. Hoping for it in fact.

It seem I had shaded my old skin. Despited remembering everything that happened. I want to changed. I want to rebuild, I want to become something else. It not because I hated my old self or anything, in fact. It's the opposite. I love my old self very much, but I think it’s just time. Time for me to discover a new side of me that’s different. That the world have never seen before. I am excited, nervous but not scare at all. Which I'm thankful for, I want it to be a fun journey, learning about myself, who will I become. I love every versions of me, the old and I'm already sure that I will also love the new. I guess it's my new purpose in life, get to know thyself again and I'm looking forward to meet me.

Poem : Shooting Stars by @cant-find-my-name

My eyes Shined

They reflected the distance light

I’ve never pray so hard in my life

Wishing for a living dream

Wishing to know

What does all the pain mean?

Trying to find the reason

The universe put me here

And I can’t -

Find the reason

Even as stars shimmered

And shoot down

It is me that has been earth bound,

I can’t go back

I can’t go home

The limit is getting too loud

Going aimless

Wandering about

Maybe it is time for me to discover

Reach deep within me to know

How far did I come from?

And how far can I go?

Song: I'm Still Here by John Rzeznik (Treasure Planet)

I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms And what do you think you'd ever say? I won't listen anyway, you don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be

And what do you think you'd understand? I'm a boy, no, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown? Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me 'cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real Wanna touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on and feel I belong

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 3🍑

“It's the people that loved you for who you are that helped you made it. They were a voice telling you not to give up, even when you wanted to. Even when there was no more reasons to go on, you think of the people who loved you. And in a way, their love for you saved you, when your own love wasn’t enough.

But you are still not out of the wood yet, but you're not scare of it no more. You are not scare to be alone anymore. People are your strength and there's experiences of that, but they are also your weakness. The world is more complicated and more than one dimensional and frankly, it's giving you a headache. You just want to live a simple life, a minimalist, no complication, alone in a forest surrounded by nature. You want your wood to turn into a forest. And build a cozy cottage to refuge there when the real world is too much. But most of your life, it's a graveyard of regret and it's full of shadows that you rather ignore. However, no more of that you finally decided. You pray for life to get better, for yourself to get better and in a way, you did not see a way out of it alive.

But in those darkness, you saw light and that light has led you to where the sun shined through. You can see better days," the monsters turned out to be just tree". There are better days, healthier ways to live. And in a way, you want to find that out for yourself. There are alway balance in life, you must remember one thing. When there's darkness, there is also light. When you encounter one the other will also find you. When you experienced one side, don't be scare to face the other. That is how you learn, that you will alway be okay.

Poem: Invisible Force by @cant-find-my-name

Something is choking me

The invisible force

Stronger than what's real

Maybe the scariest thing

Are what we're all thinking

Not necessary the truth

Or what happened

But what could have been,

It's scary to see

What isn't there

The affect is real

But the enemy aren't here

Song: This is me trying by Taylor Swift

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 4🍇

"Peace will find you, no need to seek it. It's there for you to tap into it, anytime, anyplace. No need to acquired more to get it. The misconception that you need this or that in order to feel whole. It a misconception, you only need one thing child. And that is yourself. If you have yourself, all of you, the dark and light part of you, the side you loved and admired and the side that make you look away. All parts of you deserve recognition. They are you and yours alone, so we got to honour them. Every part of you love you and want your attention and want you to acknowledge them. Let us finally do that. Let us look into the mirror and see ourselves finally.

We are a pure soul, there is nothing wrong with us, no matter what people implied. We are not broken, we are whole. Your soul is intact, it is there for you to go back and connect to it. Your soul is waiting for you to answer its calling. You heard it but you ignore it because life get in the way, but, if you're trying to find that fulfilment. That feeling of, aww there it is the thing I'm look for?, as annoying as it is, it is that part of you that you wouldn't dare look at.

Poem: Surrendering by @cant-find-my-name

Surrendering my sorrows

Surrendering to my flaws

If there is no Perfection

I would be perfect

Nitpicking my visions

Aiming for the best

Left behind a broken body

And an anxiety ridden mind,

Right path don't do that

Peace is not a compromise

Tis a birth right

Just like how everyone will die,

Getting my soul back

Revived my forgotten joy

Everyday supposed to be precious

Not wishing for it to stop

Song : Back To Beautiful by Sofia Carson

They say You're not good enough, you're not brave enough You should cover up your body Tell me, watch my weight Gotta paint my face Or else no one's gonna want me

Why do we say this to ourselves? And even worse to each other? Why do we say this to ourselves? Ooh

We gotta, get back to beautiful Gotta, get back to beautiful All these words, starting wars Over who can hurt who more Gotta, get back to beautiful

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 5🍰

"Something is changing, you can feel it. More internally rather than externally. But it's changing all the same. But you're not scare or excited. You are just neutral about it. But there is that part of you that goes, Finally. Because lately, nothing evokes your interest.The desires you had once feel ill fitted. When you realised that nothing really matter, not in a depressing way, but more of a freeing way, You accepted that as truth. You are not satisfied in life, yes, but seeking more things will not do either. You don't want more per say, but there's something missing that you don't know how to put into words. The missing piece might not be tangible, might just be intangible things that you can't hold onto. Which way should you headed towards when your inner compass is kind of confused.

Forward is the way, you will never be lost, as long as you keep moving forwards and not stop. We will not rush either. When we are in a confusing state, we must take our time and experienced our moment fully so that there won't be a lapse in our memory. Memory is a tricky thing, if you think too far into the future or the past as you experiencing the present, then your present becomes filled with memories from the future or the past. So the present moment will never exist. Be careful of letting moments passed you by, it is alright to not know why you are feeling this way. It is alright to be confused or sad or even unsatisfied. It is alright to be in that state in your present because whatever you are feeling at the moment, the present will eventually become a past.”

Poem: Renewal by @cant-find-my-name

There is hope in this world

In words that you said,

Even though it's a lie

You tell yourself it'll be okay

Maybe not now

Definitely not right now

But hopefully someday

You begin to notice the yellow

In dandelions,

How it shine like gold

In certain light.

Now you finally see

The colourful sky

How many shades of it

Changed with time.

How every poem you write

Begins to rhyme

And you know there's a reason for all this

Every little bit of it

So whatever happened

Do not resist

For you shall learn to embrace it

Song : Take A Chance by Flume

So you feel all your powers unfold

Stretching our big wings while the white is turning gold So tell your story baby, don't give up, just let it all go out You're quiet wishing for something now

Will you be the one to take a chance? Have demands, spill your heart Will you be the one to take a stand Make the girls dance Spill your thoughts Will you be the one to take a chance? Have demands, spill your heart Will you be the one to take a stand Make the girls dance Spill your thoughts, will you?

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

Pile 6🌙

"The unlimited possibility you seek is there for you to tapped into. Your believed is everything, so be careful what or who you believe in. Miracles exist, just look into a mirror and witness one. Look into your own eyes and wondered who that soul is. For it is you, but there so much you don't know about yourself, yet. Instead of feeling bad about that, we should feel excited. For it is a privilege to know thyself. Know your limit and your unlimited possibilities. How many grains of sand on the beach, that is how much your potentials lies. What you can achieved in life is up to how much you are opened to recieved.

My dear, you are magnificent, I wish you can see yourself through my eyes. How you hold on to life, wise beyond your years. Give it everything you got, no matter what that is, is such a human trait even gods envied. Every difficulties you go through know that those got nothing on your willpower to get through them. You are a strong little human, whose hope is bigger then the universe.You believe in the better, better days, better life, better energy for this earth. And your hope/light is what is keeping this planet alive. Keep believing in your power, because you are powerful. And loved by many.

Poem: Home Coming by @cant-find-my-name

My Divine Mother gentle touch

She taught me so much

By being nurtured we grow

By being loved we thrive

By being connected

We become part of the Divine

I know you look at yourself

And see a scare child

Darling, that's quite alright

Cause you are protected, alway

All the flaws should be

Embraced

There's no need for harsh judgment

Gentleness to ourselves is what

We should aim for

Realise what's important

Now look at yourself one more time

And see the true core

Song: Hummingbird by Metro Boomin & James Blake

Hummingbird, summer sun, has it brought my life back? Hangin' in the balance, have you brought the light back? And how long's the night shift? She's sure I get away with Realizin' she might be all I need in this life

When I saw a cold snap, I wasn't with the season Attack was on the airport and outside there was a season In here paper walls are pushing back on you like Eventually you push through, the moment that you realize

And hummingbird, I know that's our time (That's our time) But stay on, stay on, stay on with me And hummingbird, I can never unsee What you've shown me, stay on, stay on with me

🍰 🌸 🍬 💫 🍉 You Are Loved 🍉 💫 🍬 🌸 🍰

🍑Thank you for reading! I would love to know what you think. See you soon!!!🧿

🍏Check out more of my Original Poetry at @cant-find-my-name or my IG Poemnic

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#pick a card #tarot messages #tarot reading #messages #poetry #writing #channeled reading #channelled message

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