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countrymusiclover · 10 months

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86 - Calling Us Home

Part 87

Gemini Runaway

@icefrye19 @secretdreamlandmentality

Walking through the streets of Mystic Falls it was just me and the girls with me. Damon and Stefan needed Klaus’s help with something that involved some sort of stone. Since Lily has brought her lover back from hell I'm told. Heading up to the ice cream shop I halted in my tracks seeing one of the Heretics looking at the menu board. "Uh girls, how about we go somewhere else.."

"But I want ice cream!" Hope tugged my arm when I attempted to tug them backwards.

Missy begged me. "Please mommy."

"You promised that if we were really good while you and dad went to visit Jo's husband." Alina said back, making me roll my eyes.

Taking a few more steps we were at the order menu with me standing beside the heretic girl. She turned her head, noticing us beside her. "Do you have any good recommendations on this tiny establishment?"

"It's ice cream. I don't think there are any bad options." Dropping down on a knee to be level with our daughters. "Okay so what do you all want?"

Missy raised her hand like in school. "Strawberry."

Hope went after her. "Rocky road."

Leaving Alina last. "Cookies n cream!"

"Okay. That will be all for us sir." Handing the worker the money I eyed the heretic who was just staring at me. "Sorry I don't mean to be rude. But can I help you?"

The brunette heretic nodded, ordering a chocolate ice cream cone. “So I hear you’re a witch from what Valerie has told us.”

“Actually I’m like you, Incendia.” Holding up my freehand some fire came out and died away. I smiled, licking my cookie dough cone.

The woman nodded, taking a bite out of her cone covering her mouth with her hand gasping. “Oh my, that's colder than I thought. But it’s very good.”

“If you want rather good human food I suggest the Mystic Grill. Let’s go girls.” I turned on my heels about to leave until she called out to us.

“I’m Nora. What are your and your daughter’s names?” She asked me.

Glancing over my shoulder I sent her a small smile pointing towards my girls when I introduced them. “I’m Raelyn Mikaelson. My oldest daughter here is Hope. Then this is Alina and finally Melissa but we mostly just call her Missy.”

“Well they’re adorable.” She sighed, dropping her smile at the ground. “At least you have a family to experience this world together with unlike me.”

Missy licked her cone, feeling her sadness. “Where is your family at?”

Nora sniffed away tears. “My girlfriend Mary Louise isn’t exactly open to trying out this new world together with me. I have been forced to endure it alone.”

“That’s sad.” Hope replied back.

Alina reached for my hand grasping it lightly when I sent the heretic a smile. “In my experience if your partner wants to be with you. Then they will do whatever they have to make you happy. But you shouldn’t have to wait alone. So if you are open to it I can be your friend.”

“What do you want out of it?” Nora asked.

Shaking my head I could feel someone watching us. “Nothing. I just know what it’s like to be scared and need a friend ... .I'd suggest showing yourself before I make you!”

“She’s a fiery little bitch isn’t she.” Whipping my head around I watched the blonde heretic walking towards us with a scowl on her face.

Nora sent her an annoyed look. “What are you doing here, Mary Lou?”

“I want you to come home. I miss you.” She told her back.

Nora rolled her eyes taking more bites out of her ice cream cone. “Well I don’t want to come home with you and stay in the house. All because you are too afraid to embrace the new world. Even if it has annoying things. It’s better than being in that prison world.”

“What are you all staring at. This is a private conversation!” Mary Louise snapped showing her fangs to me.

Throwing away the cone I pushed my daughters in the opposite direction looking back at the couple only one more time. We finally made it back to the mansion and I opened the door seeing Klaus was waiting on the couch. “Raelyn, we need to talk alone. Girls, can you go to your rooms please for a little while.”

“Okay daddy.” Alina slumped her shoulders with the other two following her footsteps.

Walking over to the couch I plopped down beside him shifting my gaze towards my husband. “So what exactly do we need to talk about, Nik?”

“We need to leave Mystic Falls.” He said taking a drink of bourbon from the glass he was holding.

“What why?” I questioned him.

He shifted so we were facing each other sitting his glass on the table. His gaze focused on mine. “Apparently the heretics that we helped release are in possession of a stone I recognized from my thousand years. It’s called a phoenix stone that brought back one of the heretic souls that were trapped inside of it.”

Putting my hands together in my lap I tilted my head to the side. “Okay so why exactly do we need to run back to New Orleans?”

“Because the stone belongs to a sword that belongs to a hunter. A hunter that wants to kill anyone who stops her from getting her marked kill.” He explained raising his hands and I could tell that he was slightly beginning to panic. “If she makes you with her sword she can find anyone of us and she won’t stop-“

Holding my hands up I cut him off not liking that he was panicking. “Nik, slow down. I get that barely anything scares you. But why exactly are you afraid of this supposed hunter? I mean clearly she’s not here.”

“One of the heretics is marked, Raelyn.” He blurted out gently, grabbing my shoulders. “His name is Julian and he was the one they just released from the hell stone. Meaning that the huntress will come here to kill him.”

Moving my hands onto his forearms I gained his attention seeing that he was letting some tears out in fear. “Klaus, stop worrying. We don’t have to run like you did from Mikael for a thousand years. We were separated for six years by Marcel but I won’t run anymore.”

“Rae.”

He simply said my name before my phone started ringing so I took it out of my pocket seeing I was my brother. “J, hey. What’s going on?”

“Raelyn, we need you and Klaus to come back here. Something is happening with Andrea.” He was frantically talking through the phone.

Shaking my head I needed him to calm down. “Woah Jacob. Slow down. Just tell me what is going on there.”

“So uh….you know that thing we called the Hollow. Well apparently Andrea has been seeing a blue light calling out to her. It gives her nightmares and I don’t know what to do. We…I need your help.” My twin’s voice broke when he finished his sentence telling me he was terrified for his daughter.

Hanging up the phone Klaus lifted his gaze upward to me since I jumped to my feet. “What’s going on, love?”

“We’re going to New Orleans. My brother called for our help.” Stomping up the stairs I didn’t know that Klaus was smirking as I walked away with headstrong determination.

He mumbled to himself proudly. “She truly is a Queen.”

Comments really appreciated ❤️

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bi-bard · 1 year

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girl in red Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Alina Starkov - Alina Starkov Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: girl in red Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Alina Starkov

Pairing: Alina Starkov X Reader

Word Count: 1,607 words

Warning(s): nightmares

Author's Note: I'm gonna start using this series as an excuse to show y'all the variety of music I listen to.

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watch you sleep

I don't ever wanna leave I'll watch you sleep And listen to you breathe I don't ever wanna leave

There was a list of things that I would do in order to lay in bed with Alina just a little longer.

There were quests that I would go on, fights that I would pick, wars that I would start. All just for the chance to spend a few additional minutes with my arms around her.

I knew very well that I wouldn't be able to. Not now, anyway. Maybe not ever.

I knew who Alina was long before there was ever anything between us. I knew before she even got the Little Palace. She was the sun summoner. Whether she wanted it or not, she was the subject of legend. She was surrounded by stories and destiny, and I was just... there.

Compared to her, I was nothing. I was maybe a grain of sand where she was the entire shoreline. And most days, I had trouble thinking I was that much.

But she never looked at me like that. Quite the opposite. Her eyes always seemed to soften when she looked at me. It was strange to someone look at me like I was something more than just... me.

I would give anything to see face first thing in the morning.

I would give anything to see what she looked like when the sun found her face first thing in the morning.

I would give anything to just lay there and watch her wake up. Run my fingers through her hair, touch her skin, hold her, kiss her. Saints, I had never had someone make it feel like I could truly win any fight if it was in their honor.

But I couldn't.

For now, the best I could do was kiss her cheek and crawl out of her bed. All before she opened her eyes. All before the sun came up again.

Sneaking out of the Sun Summoner's room wasn't an easy task, but it was absolutely worth it.

Worth it to see the smile that Alina had to try to control when we saw each other. Worth it to find her again that night and be allowed to wrap my arms around her. Worth it to have someone be the center of my universe and be the center of theirs in return.

Everything was simply worth it.

i wanna be your girlfriend

I don't wanna be your friend I wanna kiss your lips I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath

When Alina asked for my help researching something, I probably said "yes" a little too fast.

She told me about how she had been having these dreams of this stag. She hadn't been having them before arriving at the Little Palace. She didn't have a real place to start.

I was happy to help. I knew about the amplifier, but I obviously couldn't confirm that this was what she was dreaming about until she saw a drawing of it. In my mind, it was just a story.

We were standing in front of one of the shelves, trying to figure out the best place to look. Nothing seemed quite right. There were pieces and hints, but it all felt like it was just barely missing the mark. As if someone was actively hiding the creature's image from us

"This would be easier to handle if there weren't so many stories about the sun summoner," Alina muttered after a while.

"Yes, how dare they write stories about the one they see as their savior and what could help her?" I replied sarcastically.

She chuckled and elbowed me lightly. "You know what I mean."

"Conflicting stories and no facts," I nodded.

"Exactly."

I stepped around to look at another shelf.

It was quiet for a while.

I traced my finger along the spines of the books. Some of the text was faded a bit. I wondered how many people had actually read them. Had they truly been read over time and time again, or did they sit on the shelves with no one looking for decades?

"You don't have to help," Alina spoke up again. I looked at her. "If you don't want to, I mean."

"Why do you think that I don't want to?" I furrowed my eyebrows, fully turning to her.

She paused for a moment. She thought that I felt like I had to be here. Not that I would have said yes to lying in a pit of snakes if I could spend time with her.

"Alina, I would've just said no... or come up with some excuse," I explained. "If I didn't want to do this, I wouldn't make both of us miserable by agreeing."

She just nodded.

I touched her arm. "I promise that I want to do this... and I want to spend time with you."

She grinned. "Thank you."

"I wouldn't say that until we figure out why you're dreaming of a magical stag," I muttered.

"I meant thank you for not treating me like a saint," she replied. "With you, I just feel like another person. It's a little less... intense."

"Oh," I mumbled. "You're welcome."

I don't know what happened in those next few seconds. It was like one moment, we were smiling at each other and the next, Alina had my face in her hands as she pulled me into a kiss.

I pulled away quickly, staring at her for a moment. I don't know what I expected to see, but I knew what I feared. Regret.

I didn't see that.

"Alina... why?"

"I wanted to," she answered simply. "I... I really wanted to. And I still want to."

I felt like my heart had simultaneously stopped and sped off all at once.

"I like you," she muttered. "I really like you. And I understand if-"

I leaned forward and kissed her again. My hands touched her sides, pulling her as close to me as I could. Her hands moved from my face so her arms could wrap around my neck.

I pulled away for a moment to whisper against her lips, "Your general isn't going to like this much."

She pecked my lips before replying, "I don't think I care all that much."

I chuckled as we continued kissing.

And when I say that I would have happily suffocated if it meant that she would never pull her lips away from mine, I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

rue

I remember you stayed up all night To make sure I was alright Believe me when I say I would have done the same

After the fight with Kirigan, I found it easier to simply stay awake.

Not only did it give me the chance to watch over Alina when she gets what little sleep she could struggle to get, but it allowed me to avoid one of too many things that I didn't have control over.

I knew what I would see if I fell asleep for too long. Kirigan's anger and evilness and violence, Alina's pain, the yelling and darkness and fear and just... everything that had haunted me since that day.

Alina had nightmares too. I knew that. And I knew that her nightmares were far worse than mine.

She needed me to take care of her more than anything else.

I was sitting on the small bed of the inn, reading some book that I found for almost free at some small shop. Alina was laying on her front, her head resting on my leg. I ran a hand through her hair.

I remember dreaming about this. Dreaming about holding her for as long as I wanted.

I never wanted it to be like this.

I jumped a bit when Alina frantically shoved herself up.

"Alina," I said, tossing my book to the far side of the mattress.

My hand touched her arm. She jumped a bit, turning to me.

"Hey, hey," I shifted closer to her. "It's alright. You're safe. I'm here."

She moved closer to me, wrapping her arms around my torso as she did. I leaned my forehead against hers, reaching up to touch her face, thumbs delicately running along her skin. I continued to whisper comforting words to her as she calmed her breathing.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, voice breaking from the weight of her restrained tears.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I promised.

"I do," she leaned back. "I dragged you into all of this. You... You could be free, but now, you're stuck worrying about me because I was selfish-"

"No," I stopped her. "Do not call yourself selfish. You aren't selfish. I am here because I want to be with you. Nothing more, nothing less. If I didn't have you, I would still be running for my life, but I would be alone and without any path to save myself. You have given me so much purpose just by loving me. I am never going to let you call that selfish and I am never going to listen to you apologize for it."

She let out a shaky breath.

"I love you, Alina Starkov. That's all there is to it. That's why I'm still here."

She stared at me for a moment. I assumed that she was trying to see if I meant what I said to her.

After that pause, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.

"I love you too," she muttered between kisses.

I grinned a bit.

That was all I needed. All that I would ever need.

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#alina starkov imagine #alina starkov fanfiction #alina starkov x reader #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone fanfiction #imagine #fanfiction #x reader

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unrequitedloveletter · 2 years

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The Deadly Romantics

the deadly romantics masterlist

and so, the games begin!

Chapter specific warnings- a mention of stepping off the platform too early and the result being an explosion, mentions of death and the use of flint as a weapon

Y/N L/N

“Remember, fight as long as you can,” Nina said as she passed Y/N the thin black jacket. “You can do this, all that you need to do is make it through day one. After day one, things always get easier.” Y/N slipped the thin black jacket over their shoulders as they tried not to shudder with Ninas words. Things always get easier. They only get easier because people die.

The outfitting for the tributes of Twelve was a pair of black cargo pants, black combat boots, a military green long sleeved shirt and a black jacket. The outfits had been designed for mobilities sake, all of the clothes made of breathable fabrics.

As Y/N registered the slight weight of a flint, tucked into their right pocket, they allowed themself a momentary smile.

“First off, don’t step off the platform early. It’ll explode the moment your weight leaves it, and dying like that? It’s no way to go,” Nikolai said as he moved to lean against the door, sighing as he pressed his back against it.

“Don’t go for the cornucopia. Everybody else is going to. The cornucopia always results in the first ten or eleven deaths. If you want to make it to the final ten, at least, the second the canon goes off, you turn around. You run in the opposite direction, find a safe place to stay and grab any resources you see there. Only after day one should you circle back and see if a bag is left. There’ll be flint in one of the buildings. If you find yourself in that building, take as much of it as you can carry, understood? The flint is going to be a bigger help than you realize, and there will come a point when you need it.”

“Bolt away from the cornucopia and grab a flint,” Y/N recounted, nodding. “Don’t step off of the platform too early. I’ve got a chance at winning this thing.”

“I’ll send along aid if you get too close to dying,” Nikolai said. He stepped forward, pressing Y/N into a hug that they reciprocated.

As Nikolai pulled away, Nina stepped forward, adjusting a hair that’d fallen out of place before she stepped back.

“May the odds be ever in your favor, Y/N,” she said. “Do your best to make it out. I need you to promise me that.”

“I’ll do what I can,” Y/N said. “Promise not to watch? I’d rather not have someone I’ve grown to consider a friend have to see me kill others for the sake of my own survival.”

“I’ll be convincing sponsors with Genya, so Nikolai and Alina are the ones who have to watch and make sure you and Kaz don’t get yourselves killed. Good luck.”

Y/N turned their back, feeling some part of their heart break as they did, trying to keep their mind focused as they headed toward the glass tube that’d rise and bring them straight into the arena.

“Best of luck, dearest tribute!” Nina called as Y/N turned around. In response, Y/N only smirked, not acknowledging that luck was the thing they needed the most.

As they were brought onto the platform, Y/N looked around, trying to register what exactly the arena was. Buildings were missing roofs, had broken windows, bricks and dust strewn about the cobblestones. They were standing in a circle along the front of the city, overlooking what appeared to be a harbor. There was a collection of bags near the water, placed neatly on a table.

Y/N looked at the timer. Twenty seconds.

They looked at Kaz, who was doing much the same, trying to gauge what the arena was, trying to figure out where he would go when the timer went off.

“Happy Hunger Games, tributes!” A masculine voice boomed from somewhere Y/N couldn’t place. “There has been a slight change to the two-victor rule. In every year before today, there could be two victors from any of the twelve districts. In this rendition, however, there can only be two victors if they come from the same district. May the odds be in the favor of whomever deserves it the most.” The timer went off, and like it were instinct, Y/N turned and ran in the direction of the city.

The games would lead to twenty-two deaths in total.

All that was left to it was making sure their name did not end up on the list of the deceased.

tag list: @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #shadow and bone

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yesimwriting · 3 years

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Hello! Your Nikolai fic tranquility is so beautiful! Can you write more for Nikolai? Maybe the opposite with reader having a nightmare? Or whatever you want just please give me more! If you have a tagging list I'd love to be included btw :)

A/n hii!! first off,, thank you! i was a little nervous about writing him for the first time,, but i love him so much (even though i love a good villain/morally grey character in love i think nikolai would probably make the least toxic bf in the grishaverse lol)

you gave me a little too much freedom here lol bc i have so many ideas for him!! lowkey might need to give him a longer fic/series soon when i catch up with requests!! WOW THIS FIC IS SO LONG AND FOR WHAT

Summary: Reader is a handmaid who has grown up assisting Nikolai. Through the years, the two have developed a special relationship that most definitely breaks royal protocol--they’re best friends and rivals on a good day, and dangerously close to being something more the second either of them is remotely upset or extremely happy. Learning about the fact that Nikolai was almost engaged to Alina (a good friend of yours) and being reminded of the fact that as royalty Nikolai has many prospects (both serious women worthy of his title and women only suitable for trysts meant to relieve tension) has you both realizing something you should have years ago.

Word count: 31210

Warnings: disclaimer--may not be the most cannon thing ever,, but i wanted the ‘child of the help competes and falls in love with the child of royalty’ energy okay?? Lol

I could do a whole blurb series with this dynamic nikolai x reader,, like just stories of them growing up together and randomly realizing they might like each other romantically?? I probably shouldn’t rn but i ADORE this trope.

The perfection of the room is disappointing. Idle hands, idle thoughts--so I work to smooth out a perfect duvet. Still, the thoughts come--aggressive and unavoidable. It’s silly, maybe even sad, to feel possessive over something that’s never been yours, something that could never be yours, but the harder I fight off the feeling the stronger it grows. Jealousy is a weed growing quickly in my chest, vile roots planted firmly in my heart.

Normally my favorite part of the day would be waiting for Nikolai to return to his room in the palace after dinner and his evening duties. He’s always a bit softer in the evenings, during my last check-in of the day. I’m normally thrilled to be done organizing his room early because that means the second he arrives there will be no distraction. Most evenings, he’ll find me perched in the seat by his bed, reading. He’ll mock-scold me for daring to defy his orders and reading ahead from the book we both take turns reading aloud from each night. He then warns me that I better react exactly the way I did when I first read it or else. That threat is always followed by a gentle laugh.

Tonight I’m in no mood for our nightly banter or even our nightly reading. My mother had warned me of the dangers of getting too comfortable with the royal family. I should have heeded that warning when she first gave it to me, the morning she found Nikolai and I fast asleep on a couch in the library as children. The palace likes to bring up the children of the staff by training them to attend to the next generation of royals. It makes the staff more efficient, a lifetime of knowing what someone wants makes you better for them. It also creates some level of connection, making betrayal a little less likely. Nikolai and I might have taken it farther than most. But now I want a reminder of the way we’re supposed to be--maybe if I detach now the bleeding of my heart won’t kill me. That has to remain secret, because if I explain it to Nikolai something in me will break. The one line between us will be crossed.

This will be the sixth secret I’ve kept from Nikolai in my entire life.

The secrets:

I don’t know why I was picked for Nikolai. I wasn’t particularly skilled, but still, the day came when my mother was told that I now worked directly for the Lantsov boy. It’s an honor, a true one, but my mother had been a little nervous. To whom much is given, much is expected--and I detested Nikolai. Not for being a prince, but for being a prince who thought girls couldn’t race or fight.

The day my mother came looking for me because I never showed up for dinner and she found Nikolai and I attempting to fight in the way only a ten-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would, she had looked truly mortified. Nikolai had only laughed, either oblivious to my mother’s embarrassment or uncaring about it. He had then hugged me--an expression of care that had left me reeling. I saw him more as a rival than someone to tend to, but in that moment I saw him as a friend. Even more so when he told me he didn’t want me to go yet and that he was upset that so much of the day had been wasted by studies that kept him with boring people and away from me. And then he invited me to his lessons--my mother was quick to attempt to decline politely, but the desires of a prince at any age outweigh that of a mother.

After that, everyone kind of just stopped trying to remind us of our propriety. The tutor at first was concerned about my presence, but Nikolai remained stubborn. I wasn’t a big enough deal to cause an argument, so I began to attend lessons with him almost every day, only staying away when my mother needed aid with laundry or cleaning. His parents must have been somewhat aware of our friendship, but they must have been oblivious to our closeness because it was never mentioned.

My mother’s worry began to ease, she’d even started to take some pride when I’d come to our room proudly proclaiming that I scored two marks higher than Nikolai. She did, however, warn that it might be more tactful to let him score higher.

The comment was casual, just a suggestion, but it left me feeling wrong. It was the first time since we met that I had thought about our different statuses. I didn’t tell him--and that was the first secret I ever kept from him.

As we grew, we traded physical competition for academic rivalry, trying to best each other in both lessons and games of strategy like chess and cards. But with growing comes responsibility. Nikolai started to have obligations that were meant to be private. I couldn’t follow him at all times. But he’d always come back from locked door meetings grinning like he carried schoolyard gossip instead of government secrets. He shared everything with me, even when I playfully warned against it.

He’d always step closer when I teased that perhaps he shouldn’t tell me everything. And then he’d say, “If I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone--and I don’t want to live in a world like that.” Often, he’d give my hand a light squeeze before moving on like he had not said anything intimate.

On a day in which Nikolai was in one of those meetings, I became a woman. When I first saw the blood, I had been horrified--but my mother was quick to explain that it was natural. She said that I was now a woman, a wonderful thing, really--but a thing that came with obligations. She told me that I could no longer have the impromptu ‘sleepovers’ with Nikolai unless he ordered it. I told her he’s never ordered me to do anything for him.

She didn’t ease, something in her had started to become nervous again. My mother had recently started to act the way she did when Nikolai and I first became friends. I didn’t want to fall asleep in Nikolai’s bed while I was bleeding, but I didn’t want to never have another sleepover with him again. Especially not when she refused to explain why being a woman changed so much.

I had decided to avoid Nikolai as much as possible until the sting of my mother’s new rule faded. Unfortunately, that night Nikolai was extra talkative--excited as he insisted I stay for a little longer. Soon, I found his familiar good naturedness melting away my nerves and before I knew it I was laughing in the middle of the night. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, I had moved from the chair, ready to head back to my room.

Nikolai had looked at me oddly before he asked why would I leave so late when it would be easier for me to just sleepover? It was an innocent question, he did not know about my change and I had wanted to keep it that way.

I tried playing coy, but Nikolai has always had a talent for getting around my better judgement. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but I remember him standing in front of me. It was the first time I noticed how much had actually changed over the years--he was now taller than me for the first time in his life. His hair had started to grow a little longer, golden and soft-looking--and his face seemed much more angular. But he had not lost his boyish charm.

“Y/n?” My name fell softly from his lips, and that was the first time I had ever noted the fullness of them. I didn’t understand why I considered that something worth noting. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

Perhaps I had been a little curt--nerves and hormones had left me not feeling like myself. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding, I couldn’t. That became the second secret I kept from him--but I did tell him that my mother had told me I was a woman now, and that women can’t have sleepovers. Not with those of the opposite gender. I made no effort to hide my confusion because I expected him to be as perplexed as I was. But he was not confused--in fact, he had the audacity to laugh. My face flushed, but I did not know why.

“Why is that funny?” Maybe he thought I was still too much of a child to be considered a woman. I assumed it a fair assumption, I had not grown the way he had--my shoulders had not become sturdier and I had not become particularly broader. Still, I would rather melt into the floor than tell him about the reason my mother now considered me a woman. “My mother did say that, and I don’t know what being a ‘woman’ has to do with staying in your room at night.” Something strange had crossed over his features then, something much more brooding than I was used to.

I had blinked at him as unexplained nerves pooled in my stomach. Perhaps that look would have been enough to keep me silent if he had managed to not grin. That self-assured grin that had always challenged me. “Well since you know everything about my mother now, maybe you can tell me why she’s been acting strange. She’s starting to act the way she did when we first became friends.” I expected him to at least pretend to be worried. Perhaps his parents had spoken to her and had mentioned wanting our friendship to end. But his grin had only grown. Pride left me angry. “She did say that I could stay if you ordered it--but I’m glad you’ve never ordered me to do anything, so I can leave right now because you’re acting as odd as her. I don’t understand what you could find funny about our friendship ending.”

He had stopped me from storming out of his room by placing one hand on the wall between me and the door. “Y/n, don’t be cross--I’ll explain it all, I promise.” Angry pride made me want to storm away from him, but curiosity and something unknown and warm kept me in place. “Do you remember when we read the play about the rival families, how the two main characters had kissed?”

I remembered that part of the play especially well. The concept of kissing so casually, outside of marriage, had been jarring to me. “Yes.”

“Now that we’re older, your mother must be worried that we might do that.” He paused before leaning against the arm he placed on the wall to keep me from leaving a little more. “Kiss.”

The clarification was not needed--in that brief pause, I had allowed myself to imagine no distance between our lips. Something in me burned with embarrassment when I realized that some part of me found the thought appealing. The only thing I wanted in that moment was assurance that Nikolai would never know I felt that. That was my third secret, and the weight of it was heavy against my chest.

Still, though, all of my confusion had not yet left. “Is there much harm in a kiss?”

The question had left an odd smile on his lips. “There’s potential harm in what it could lead to for the woman, but not so much for the man.” He exhaled slowly as my face tensed. He could always read me too well because he was quick to add, “What it could lead to isn’t a bad thing, it’s meant to be pleasurable, but it’s serious.” I did not understand, but a part of me was starting to grow okay with that. Nikolai’s voice had started to become lower than ever, and his gaze remained tense. Perhaps if I accepted the confusion for now, things could go back to normal. If the conversation ended, I could stop thinking of his lips and his hands and what it would mean for them to touch me. “It’s considered a vice, like drinking or gambling.” The additional comment helped more than it should have. A vice--not scary and not painful, but not something to indulge in. That’s enough explanation for now. “If you want to know, I won’t deny you.”

I appreciated the offer tremendously. The vice that comes after kissing is clearly something that’s been intentionally kept from me. It’s something he was privy to that I was not, and he offered it to me like so much else. But if knowledge that my mother feared us kissing made me think of his lips, then I doubted I could handle knowing what comes after kissing.

“I’ll let you know when I want to know, but I appreciate the offer.” It felt like a fair response. His snarky grin came back immediately. Irritation rooted itself in my stomach. I hated not knowing more than him for once, but I still had one question I could not relinquish. “But what does that vice have to do with orders?”

At that, his smugness faltered. “It’s not unheard of, for princes and handmaids--for a prince to obligate a handmaid in order to fulfill his vice. Though many handmaids fill the vice of their own will for benefits.

The explanation left him like a confession. I didn’t understand his hesitance--it’s not like he’d ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Even when I worked, he was hesitant to ask me to go out of my way to bring him a glass of water. And I couldn’t imagine gaining anything from offering Nikolai something I didn’t really understand. I wasn’t naive to the fact that my life had more privileges than many palace servants. “Oh.”

His eyes hardened. “You know I’d never--”

“I know.” It was finally easy to smile again. “I never thought otherwise.” Something in him seemed to ease at that, his eyes went from hard to warm in less than a second.

I had no more questions for him and I was also no longer a flight risk, but Nikolai did not move. He did not step back to create a more appropriate distance and he did not drop his arm. His gaze, however, did move--dropping downwards, and slightly away from my eyes. I did the same, my eyes falling to his lips.

The silence between us began to make me feel like something in me was in danger of overflowing. “Then I guess my mother is once again worrying for no reason.” Strangely, I did not feel the need to feel embarrassed about staring at his lips. “Because I would never particularly want to kiss you, Nikolai Lantsov.”

The comment was meant to be teasing, a joke to clear away unknown tension. I should have known better than to challenge his pride because he instinctually moved his hand off the wall and beneath my chin. I did not flinch when he tilted my head upwards slightly with his fingers. “I could get you to want to kiss me if I wanted to.”

Three secrets in one night. I did not think I could bear a fourth one. “Hm…” The ground we treaded on felt unstable, but something in me trusted Nikolai to not let me falter. “I should--I should go before I give my mother anymore cause to worry.”

His fingers had brushed down my chin easily as he dropped his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

And that he did. The days passed without mention of the last time he asked me to sleepover. It was as if nothing had changed except now I found myself noting things I most definitely did not want to note. These didn’t feel like individual secrets because it felt easy to group each admirational thought into one secret. Soon, that became my new normal--easy banter, easy touches of hands, and easy yet silent admirations of his beauty.

I never wandered too hard about what the vice that kissing can lead to entailed. I didn't particularly want to know, but knowing that I could ask Nikolai at any time brought a sense of security to me. But besides that, I never thought of that conversation until the day I was asked to look for Nikolai because he was late for dinner.

That in itself was odd, most of the time when Nikolai was late it was because he was with you. I checked his room, two other rooms he was known to frequent, and then finally the library. First, I noticed a handmaid two years older than me. I was finally at an age when one begins to compare their beauty to those around them, and I recognized the girl as gorgeous. She was better endowed than me, physically, and she always seemed fun. And then I noticed Nikolai, standing closer to her than I’ve ever seen him stand to anyone. His expression was serious as the girl giggled.

Nikolai’s expression shifted from tense to shocked when he saw me. “Y/n.”

It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize what I had interrupted. Guilt and jealousy were quick to twist in my stomach. “Dinner--your parents sent me to look for you.”

He was quick to walk around the girl, who was quick to glare at me. I attempted to disappear down the hall after mumbling a quick apology, but Nikolai was faster than me.

“Y/n,” he did not hesitate to grab my wrist.

It shouldn’t have irked me the way it did, after all, neither of us had ever really hesitated to touch each other. I had always reached for him when I wanted him, and he had done the same. But the thought of the same hands that touched the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on me left me bitter in a way I didn’t understand.

Still, I pushed through all of that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, your mother asked me to look for you because she assumed you’d be with me when you were late to dinner. I didn’t think that there’d be--”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” The words came out flat as his eyes took on the same quality they did the night he explained my mother’s concern to me. “Valaria wishes there was something to interrupt, but there wasn’t.”

Oh. I refused to let the correction inflate me. “Would you like me to not come to your room tonight?”

The offer felt awkward to make. “No,” the answer came quickly, “In fact, go there now--I want to see you right after dinner. I’ve missed you today.” The instruction left my face feeling warm. “We could read an extra chapter of our book if you’d like.”

Despite myself, I grinned. “Yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

True to his word, Nikolai was quick to return to his room. He had come back to me eagerly, going out of his way to squeeze my shoulder as he entered the room.

I opened the book to the chapter we had left off on, but before I could start reading, Nikolai stopped me. “Sit next to me?”

The question came softly. It had been some time since we sat next to each other on his bed. Still, I moved off of the chair and to his bed. Something in me longed for the familiar closeness of childhood. I allowed him to play with my fingers as I read.

“You know you could take one night off from me if you wanted to.” The admission left me softly, part of unsure if he was still paying attention to my words. “She was pretty, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if you told me you wanted me to not come tonight.”

Nikolai exhaled easily, squeezing my fingers once. “I said I wanted to see you and I meant it.”

It took all of my energy to push past the way his words made my stomach leap. “In general, if you ever--”

Nikolai cut me off by laying his head on my lap the way he used to. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was the first time in years that he spoke to me in a way that acknowledged his authority. “Keep reading please.”

And that was the last time we had ever mentioned other handmaids in that context. The fifth secret I ever kept from him was the way I worried that one day that would change.

The door creaks open while I’m in the middle of fluffing an already pristine pillow. Nikolai steps into the room, but I continue to work.

“Darling,” he breathes too easily, “Today has been painful.” I straighten, looking at him as casually as I can manage. “And now I have to deal with you being mad at me.”

Damn him and his ability to read me with one look. “I’m not mad.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” he sighs, stepping forward, “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

I press my lips together, irrational anger pushing itself into me at an odd angle. “We’ve also known each other too long to keep secrets.”

His eyebrows draw together, a look so quizzical I’m reminded of our schooling days. “What secrets have I kept from you?”

Mentioning that had been a mistake. I exhale as flatly as possible. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” My dismissal only has Nikolai’s expression hardening. I drop my gaze. “Unless you need something, I’m retiring my services for the evening.”

I take a reluctant step towards the door, eyes attached to the floor. “Y/n,” his voice is gentle. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Please let that be at least somewhat believable. “I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself in the morning.” I take another step, a little more assured. Nikolai’s hand is on my shoulder before I can escape. “Nikolai--”

“Y/n,” his voice is that of velvet, “I can’t have you be mad at me. Not now.”

Sighing, I meet his gaze. The tiredness I see behind his eyes is almost enough to chase away my nerve. What I’d give to be able to melt into our familiar routine. “Then you should have told me you were almost engaged to a literal Saint--the same literal Saint who’s one of my closest friends.”

Nikolai’s expression shifts as his hand drops from my shoulder slowly, fingers brushing down my arm before he finally intertwines our fingers. I bite my tongue to avoid squeezing his hand, but I don’t move to separate us either. He studies me silently, eyebrows drawn together. The longer he stares, the more whatever turmoil he’s experiencing seems to dissipate. After a minute of silence, I can read his expression perfectly. His lips are pressed together in that coy way--the way he only looks when he’s suppressing a smile.

I loathe him for it. “Nikolai Lantsov, don’t you dare laugh--not after what you did. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have Alina casually mention the fact that you almost married her casually? Like that was common knowledge to everyone but me?”

My words break away the last of his self control. He grins, flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth. “Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to want nothing more than to see you and then you let me believe something may actually be wrong when the only issue is your jealousy?”

The amusement in his tone is like poison to me. I find the strength to jerk my hand away from him. “I am not jealous.” He laughs; I am further enraged. “I am not.” The genuineness of my anger must finally register on some level, because he tries to suppress his smile. “I have every right to be mad at my best friend for not telling me that he was almost married.”

“We didn’t exactly come close,” he manages, expression still much too light for my taste. “I’m glad for Alina’s sake, I’m not sure being a Saint would be enough to protect her.”

He is infuriating. “I’m not sure anything you have will be enough to protect you.”

Something in his gaze shifts, softening the tilt of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

I don’t know what I expected from him--but not this. I thought he’d be at least somewhat apologetic. “You should have told me.”

“I would have if I felt it was significant.”

“I’m your best friend--your marriage is significant to me. And even though it’s not like you’re engaged to her right now, you should have told me. You know I talk to Alina all the time.”

He sighs once, a hint of apology threatening to ghost over his eyes. “If I knew not knowing would have upset you so much I would have told you. I was--I was just so excited to be around you again I didn’t see much relevance in anything that didn’t involve you.”

The intensity that Nikolai regards me with is enough to wither all of my fury. But without my anger, I am left spiraling in emotion that I’ve been pushing against for years. My mother’s warning about relationships with those above us rings in my ears--sharp and headache inducing. I am still when he reaches for my hand again, but I do no allow myself to return the gentle squeeze of his fingers.

“I’m not sure much outside of you has significance.” He’s giving me a look I am familiar with. A look he often uses to chase away my anger.

Without my anger, I have nothing to keep me from melting into him, indulging in his presence fully. It’s so easy with him and I blinded myself to the danger of that. He may not be marrying Alina, but one day he will marry someone. A person worthy of his status--and what would I be left doing? Washing their laundry? Tearing up when I dusted the library and came across a book we had read together? Enough damage has already been done--I need to cut myself with this blade now in hopes of making sure I can one day recover.

He will get married one day, and nothing will be the same. And that’s a good thing--he deserves the love of a princess or queen. I want his happiness, even if it’s not with me. But some vindictive part of me hopes that some part of him will miss me. That some part of him will be dulled without me.

I’m a fool--he will remember me as the handmaid from his youth. The girl who made him laugh once or twice before he grew up. I force my hand out of his grasp. “You can’t win me over with words every time.” I need to get out of here before he says something that makes me lose all resolve. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be here to prepare you for breakfast.”

“Y/n.”

I step forward, refusing to look at him. “Goodnight.”

He sighs, his hand quick to grab my arm. Before I can question him I feel myself pulled back. I expect him to pull me just close enough so that I have to meet his gaze. He continues, pulling me sharply before placing a quick hand on my shoulder, forcing me down. My back hits his bed.

I sit up as soon as the reality of what just happened seeps into my mind. “Nikolai, what in the Saints--”

“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one.”

I scoff, thoughts of escaping him put on hold by the principle of pride. Fine. I’ll beat him one last time, and then I’ll let us separate. I shove him. He laughs--of course this is funny to him. He got to keep fighting past the age of about eleven. His laughter adds to my anger, I move to shove him again, but he catches my wrist easily. I struggle against his hold, shoving him a third time with my still free hand. He pushes me slightly. That’s all it takes to unleash familiar habits.

Our small fight is hardly fair. He has all the advantage--more training, and he’s standing above me. When I finally make a move that might give me some success, Nikolai leans forward. He practically tackles me, his weight forcing me flat against the bed.

I move an arm, ready to push him off of me. Nikolai snags my wrists, holding them above my head. “This means I win.” I roll my eyes, anger returning.

“Let me go.”

He sighs tiredly, but the smugness radiating off of him is suffocating. “Admit that you were jealous.”

There are a lot of things I am willing to do for him--but never that. I cannot give him the one separation I still have. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you mad?”

I press my lips together. “I told you--”

“Do you really think you could lie to me?”

“You don’t know me that well.”

Nikolai moves his freehand, touching my chin as a way to ask me to look at him. I meet his gaze hesitantly. “Yes, I do, and that’s never bothered you before but it does now.”

Maybe this is a conversation better had bluntly. “It bothers me now because you’re too old to hold onto the daughter of a palace handmaid and I’m too old to pretend that our different statuses don’t matter.”

“Y/n,” he breathes, “Nothing’s changed. Status didn’t matter to me when we were children, and it doesn’t matter to me now.”

“You can afford to say things like that.”

“What good is my title if it means I can’t,” he pauses, eyes hesitant, “If I can’t keep things the same between us?”

I smile, the sadness of the look weighs on me and I can’t even see it. “Nikolai, you always knew things would change.”

“No, I--”

“You can’t tell me you think your future wife would like you having such a close relationship with a handmaid.” I press my lips together. “One day you’ll fall in love and get married and you’ll want me to leave your bedchamber as soon as dinner is over because you’ll be eager to spend time with your wife.” His gaze hardens. “And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thi--”

The last syllable of my sentence dies in my throat. Nikolai, who must be possessed by something, leans down and presses his lips against mine. I beg myself to resist, but his gentleness is everything I’ve ever wanted. He releases my hands in favor of holding my face. That’s all it takes--my hands move without my permission, into his hair--pulling him closer to me. What am I doing? I’m insane. Placing my hands on his chest cautiously, I push just slightly. He’s quick to obey, pulling away while allowing his teeth to brush against my bottom lip.

I gape at him--taking in his now slightly swollen lips. “Nikolai.” He can’t do this to me. We’re friends. Despite the fact that I’ve loved him more than I should--we’re friends. “You’re being extremely unfair.”

He draws his eyebrows together, sitting up quickly and moving off of me. “I’m being unfair? I have spent my entire life loving y--”

I sit up, furious in a new way. “You have not!” This is the dumbest I have ever been. I move to stand, still feeling the softness of his lips against mine.

“Your tooth fell out.” The sharpness of his words forces me to still.

“What?”

I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, but I’ve always been able to feel any heaviness he bears. The weight of it leaves little room for air in my lungs. “You were ten. I told you ‘girls couldn’t fight’ so you punched me in the face. That was the first time we ever fought--I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but you moved. You moved and I hit you in the mouth and your last baby tooth fell out. I expected you to cry or get angry, but you just blinked at me and laughed. You were happy to lose your last baby tooth because it meant you were grown up. And then you smiled and asked me if you looked older. If anything, the gap in your smile made you look younger but I told you that you looked like a grown-up because I wanted you to keep smiling. Because your smile made me feel like I won something.” I turn on my heels, but I cannot meet his gaze. “That was the moment I fell in love with you--so don’t tell me I haven’t spent my entire life loving you.”

The weight of his words is harder to survive against than the heaviness of his feelings. “Nikolai, you know we can’t ever be together--”

“Why not?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I manage, voice low, “You almost married the Sun Summoner--”

“That was political--”

“Exactly, your marriage is meant to be political, and if it happens to be out of love--which is what I hope you get, because it is what you deserve--it will be to someone of status.”

Nikolai stands, the movement is that of a king, not the boy I know. “I do not want status or to love someone else--I want you.”

“I can’t take that from you--”

“You can’t take anything from me because I’ve already given it all to you.”

I press my lips together, heart tearing for him. “I love you too much to ruin you.”

My words seem to snap something in him because his eyes darken, the way he watches me adjusting accordingly. “You can’t ruin something that’s always been yours.”

I let myself smile. At him. At his words. At the foolish hope the child in me has clung to after all of these years. I reach for him thoughtlessly, because I have the right to. Because I’ve always had the right to. He’s quick to respond, kissing me with much more security than before.

This time, he pulls away of his own regard. “You still haven’t admitted that you were jealous.”

His teasing smugness isn’t as sour to me anymore. “I wasn’t.”

Nikolai pulls me towards him easily, lips threatening to brush against me, warm breath against my face. “Are you sure, darling? You were awfully quick to claim what’s yours.”

I roll my eyes, grinning so widely I’m surprised my face doesn’t yet hurt. “You’re the one that fell for a ten-year-old girl with a bloody mouth.”

When he smiles back at me, he places a hand on my hip, pulling me forward slightly. “That I did.” He pulls me forward slightly. "Does this mean you can sleep in here again?"

"If anything, this is more reason for me to sleep in another room." He rolls his eyes, pulling me even closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

Nikolai leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Deal."

tags: @deardiarystuff @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone imagine #grisha #Grishaverse #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader #shadow and bone netflix

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meltwonu · 3 years

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| 𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔩 𝔦 𝔪𝔢𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 | [CHAPTER 4]

pairing; fratboy!wonwoo x reader

this chapter’s notes; fratboy!wonwoo, fingering, littlest bit of dirty talk, praise!kink, soft soft soft FLUFF hours, a bit of a filler chapter before the last chapter!! 😭 I can’t believe it’s almost ‘over’... This chapter has the least amount of smut yall will ever see with fratboy!wonwoo so don’t get used to it ☠️ LMAO 🤣🤣 also... it’s been a garbage week(boring work drama) for me so I’ll answer inbox msgs and stuff on sunday, I need to get away from the internet(and people) for a day dkfjhskh 😭💕 Ya’ll thank you for so much love and support with Caffeine and Until I Met You! It means so much to me and I appreciate every like, reblog and comment I get on it 🥺💕 No I will never be ending my fratboy!wonwoo au so don’t worry about that hehe 💕 For now, enjoy this soft ch 4 and I will see yall on Sunday! I love you, have a great weekend! 💕

[mood for this chapter: more than enough - alina baraz]

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - x

“So…”

Wonwoo sighs - re-shelving another Edgar Allen Poe book. “So, what?”

Mingyu tilts his sunglasses down, eyebrows raised at the older male that continues to do his job instead of give him the time of day. “What’s going on with you, hyung? You’ve been… weird.”

“Okay, define weird.”

The younger male pouts as he takes his sunglasses off, pocketing them as he leans up against the bookshelf that Wonwoo is currently still shelving.

It only takes one utterance of your name for Wonwoo to stop in his tracks - fingertips on the spine of another book as he turns to Mingyu. “What about her? Did she say something to you?”

“No, but do you like her? I mean, ‘like’ like her.”

“Is it not… obvious? That I do? Did we not all collectively have that conversation about me giving her a set of keys to our house?”

Mingyu grimaces slightly as he mentally goes through all the times he’d even seen the two of you together and he’s only able to conjure up a few select memories - none of which were anything necessarily romantic. “Well… I wouldn’t say ‘obvious’, I guess. The two of you aren’t exactly the ‘kiss and hold hands in public’ kind of... people. More like the, ‘sneak off to fuck in a public restroom’ kind... Which, uh, isn’t really... romantic.”

This time, Wonwoo crosses his arms and leans up against the opposite bookshelf as he sighs.

It’d been a few days since he’d seen you and you’d been swamped in so much class work that you didn’t even have the time to come by the library or the frat house. And even while Wonwoo stood in between the bookshelves having a conversation with Mingyu, you were finishing an art project with Minghao that was due by the end of the day.

“I know. I told her it’d be kind of a slow crawl for me.” He plucks another book from the cart, staring at the glossy text as he simmers in his thoughts. “Mingyu, am I awkward?”

“Erm, well, I wouldn’t say that necessarily.”

Mingyu steps forward, patting Wonwoo on the shoulder as he smiles.

“You like her and you’re trying even if you’re not used to it. You gotta start somewhere, hyung. Even if you’re a fish out of water. But that’s okay, you can ask me for help if you want!”

“When are you gonna put a ring on Wonwoo-hyung?”

You snort at Minghao’s question - reaching for a clean paintbrush as he stands across from you in the large, empty studio. “First of all, can you not say it like that? I’m not gonna marry him, okay.”

The male rolls his eyes as he steps closer to you; his own hands and clothes covered in a colorful array of paints. “So you’re saying you never imagined hyung in a suit, hair slicked back and his buff arms carrying you off into your honeymoon?”

“W--wh--n--no! No, I haven’t!” You avoid his piercing stare as you focus on your end of the large canvas instead.

No, but I dreamt about it once.

“‘Hao, would you hurry! We’re supposed to be collaborating on this and it looks… like it’s 5 different art styles.”

“Don’t change the subject on me. And anyway, I like what you’re doing to hyung. Breaking him out of his shell, y’know? He’s just shy, that’s all. Needs a little work in the bold department.”

You bite down the urge to laugh because to you, Wonwoo was everything but shy when it came to the bedroom. Although, Minghao was right with everything else. “Yeah, I know. We went for breakfast together after I, um, stayed over a few nights ago and he kinda just sat there zoned out, picking at his waffles. He’s really cute when he wakes up in the morning though. Pouty and whiny.”

Grinning at Minghao, he pretends to gag in response before taking a seat next to you.

“Disgusting. Tell me more.”

Wonwoo makes an effort to check in with you throughout the day before he heads back to his room - asking you if you’d had your meals and if you’d finished your project on time.

You’d answered sporadically as you and Minghao raced to finish.

‘I’ll eat late probably… rly gotta finish or else my ass is failing lol’

‘Just don’t forget, okay? It’s not good for you to skip.’

Wonwoo lays down in his bed; yawning as he sets his phone onto the nightstand next to himself.

His eyelids feel heavy and he’s quick to give in to the tiredness that takes over him once he gets comfortable.

When Wonwoo finally decides to shift during his nap, he finds it difficult and extra warm.

“Mmh…”

His bleary eyes adjust to the, now, slightly darkened room as he makes out your figure tucked underneath his arm. He calls your name softly - waking you up from the nap that you’d apparently joined him in.

“Mmh… Wonwoo…” You snuggle in deeper, voice still laced with sleep. “You didn’t even budge when I came in…”

He chuckles softly as he readjusts to spoon you from behind instead; his strong arm wrapped around your waist to keep your body flush against his own.

“I’m surprised you came by, sweetheart. I would’ve just stayed awake had I known you were coming over.” His voice is groggy and laced with sleep as you sigh softly in return as you blink away the sleepiness.

“How was your day at the library? Miss me yet?” Wonwoo smiles into your shoulder before he tilts his head up to kiss the shell of your ear.

“Always, sweetheart. Although, Mingyu decided to keep me busy today.”

“Oh? Anything fun?”

He plays with the hem of your shirt, “Well… Fun isn’t the word I’d use to describe what that was. Nosy was more like it.”

This time you can’t help but snort in response. “You too? I think some people were being ‘lil moles today.”

“Wouldn’t doubt it. Did you end up just coming back here with Minghao from the studio?”

“Wasn’t planning on it, to be honest but… S’been a rough day.” Placing your hand over his arm, you squeeze slightly as you pull his arm around you tighter. “Our professor came by while we were working in the studio and said our project wasn’t up to par with what Minghao and I usually submit for projects. She didn’t fail us on the spot but she said we need to redo it for less credit or take the failing grade.”

Wonwoo nuzzles your neck; peppering small kisses on your clothed shoulder. “I take it the two of you are going to redo it?”

“Mm… We spent so long coming up with a concept and now we’re both stressed about coming up with something new. I walked over here with ‘Hao and he locked himself up in his room as soon as we got here. Figured I’d come hang out with you and found you napping… With your glasses on, no less.”

The two of you share a laugh; Wonwoo’s embrace making you feel more at ease.

“Can I help you de-stress a little, sweetheart?”

You stare at the opposite wall, nodding gently as Wonwoo’s hand leaves the hem of your shirt in favour of the waistband of your shorts.

“Just want you to feel good,” he whispers. “You deserve it. You’ve been working so hard, baby.”

He teases you softly; fingertips ghosting across your skin as you shiver. “Ah, Wonwoo…”

“You worked extra hard today too, didn’t you? I’m so proud of you for what you accomplished today.”

Your body heats up at his praise and you can’t deny that his deep, soft voice sends thrums of arousal pouring over your body just as he dips his hand into your lounge shorts. He touches you over your panties - fingertips ghosting against your mound as you moan his name shakily in return.

“I know your new idea is going to be great, baby. I believe in you.”

Soft whines threaten to spill as Wonwoo strokes you over your panties - slowly working you up as you find yourself trying to grind against his hand. “Y-yeah… ‘m p-pretty sure ‘Hao’s already working on it…”

Your voice is barely above a whisper as Wonwoo continues to stroke you gently; making no efforts to rush or add pressure to his feather-light touches.

A disappointed noise falls from your lips when he starts to pull his hand out of your shorts but it quickly turns into a content sigh when he starts teasing your chest instead.

“Mm, so soft…” Muttering against your shoulder, his eyes stare off into the dark room as he massages your body. “And all mine~”

You hum in response, “We should go on a date sometime…”

“You want to? We can go this weekend. After you’ve redone some of your project. I’ll take you somewhere nice for a job well done.”

You giggle softly; images of a wedding day’s Wonwoo dancing in your mind after the conversation you’d had with Minghao earlier. “I’d like that. We should do something for the whole day.”

“Whatever you’d like, baby.”

Wonwoo’s hand flits down your body again - snaking into your shorts and, this time, into your panties as you whine. “Do you wanna cum or go back to sleep, hmm?”

You ponder it for a second as the drowsiness equates the urge to cum on his fingers.

“Both? I wanna cum and then sleep a little more... If that’s okay?”

Wonwoo hums in agreement as his fingertips drag through your folds - collecting the wetness on them before he teases your soaked hole. “Only a little teasing gets you this wet, hmm? So cute.”

“Ah, f-feels good when you go slow t-too...”

He stores that away in his head for later; chuckling against your shoulder as he slowly starts to dip his middle finger into your cunt.

You feel warm and content when he starts a slow pace - thumb on your clit rubbing soft, slow circles while he pumps his finger into you.

“O-oh, Wonwoo...”

“You’re always good for me, baby. Always such a good girl.”

“Ah, Wonwoo...”

“You can cum whenever you want. You deserve it.”

He adds his index finger - thrusting both fingers into you as you mewl and arch away from his warm chest. Your toes curl and your thighs clamp and trap his hand between your legs as you start to grind down onto his nimble fingers.

“...W--Wonwoo...”

“That’s right, baby. Call my name, let me hear your pretty voice when your cumming for me.”

You turn your head - cries muffled into his pillow because despite his slower than usual pace, you find yourself already on the brink of cumming with his fingers knuckle deep inside of you and his thumb on your clit.

“Mmh... Ah... Feels s-so warm... and g-good...” You mutter, eyes blinking drowsily. “Gonna c-cum...”

He doesn’t say anything in return as he focuses on you and your pleasure; fingers scissoring and curling right into your g-spot as you clamp down onto them in a vice grip.

Wonwoo knows when you’re about to cum when he feels your hand coming down on his forearm, holding onto him for dear life when your orgasm still hits you just as hard.

“Ngh, Wo---Wonwoo!”

Your walls flutter around his fingers and make it harder for him to thrust them in and out with how tight you get.

“That’s my good girl. Cum for me, baby~”

His deep voice makes you whine - nails digging into his arm and body trembling as the pleasure steadily washes over you.

“Ah, bet your face is so pretty right now too~”

“Mmh, s-stop...” Your cheeks burn in slight embarrassment from his constant praise but you can’t deny the way it goes straight to your core and only prolongs your orgasm.

“Don’t be so shy, baby. It’s only you and me here.”

Wonwoo leans away slightly to kiss the crown of your head - still working you through your orgasm as you sigh contentedly in his arms.

Various thoughts run through his head in the moment, but the one that sits at the forefront of his mind is definitely how to make sure he kept treating you right.

Starting with your date that he would spend time meticulously planning.

‘Ah, I should ask Mingyu for some advice.’

#wonwoo smut #wonwoo fluff #seventeen smut #svt smut #seventeen fluff #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #svt imagines #wonwoo fic #wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #uimy_meltwonu

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quellmythirst · 3 years

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Chaos And The Dark Ep 1.

Summary: The Darkling has only ever had one real friend and she's not exactly who you would expect. They have both lived very long lives. This is a collection of one shots taken from their timeline, before he meets Alina and they are not in Any real Order.

Characters: F!Grisha!Reader (Pinky) x The Darkling + Alias'

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: Fluff. I will be adding warnings the further we get into this.

An: These are based on some shitty comics I made to cure my writers block. You have @chatnain to thank for these, because she liked them so much I had to flesh them out.

Ep 2

It had been years since you had last run into Aleksander, too many. You always made plans to meet up. The same day every year at a different spot. But life got in the way, sometimes his, sometimes yours, sometimes both. The last time you had met you had agreed on this place. A soft meadow surrounded by distance farms. Laying the blanket you had brought under a large tree, it was the first time you had made it here. People and places pulling you in the other direction for the last few years. You hoped he hadn't been coming and waiting on you, though you knew he would understand, he always did. You needed a more permanent plan and you needed to follow through with it.

By noon there was still no sign of him, taking a cake and some other treats from your basket you began to snack, hoping that he would show. You always gave him until nightfall, before turning in. Laying back on the blanket you watched the sky, the clouds twirling and swirling through the sky, your hand following them as they drifted. A distant moo called your attention away and you saw a cow giving you a stare down. You stood squaring yourself up and marching towards the antagonistic cow.

As you walked down one side of the hill, a man walked up the other side. His dark cape blowing around him in the wind and his eyes lighting up when he spotted the flame of your red hair fanning down the hill, “Pinky!” he called out to you, but his voice was lost on the wind. “What the fuck is she doing?” he muttered to himself, “It appeared like she was going to- was she?” The wind picked up as he watched you draw your long sword. When he reached the small blanket at the top, he saw a flash. The metal of your sword glinting in the sun as you swung at the cow. It charged at you, slamming its horns into your body and the wind completely stilled when he saw you laying flat on your ass, the cow hovering over you. Huffing in your face. He began running, taking off towards you. He threw shadows at the beast, nicking it in the legs. It took off running in the opposite direction, he heard your sigh of relief when his shadow fell across your face.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, extending his hand out, with an arm across your face you smiled up at him.

“Nah babe, I'm all good, help me up?” you took his hand, allowing him to lead you up the hill.

“So how’ve you been?” you asked, assessing his form. He still hasn't aged, well… neither had you. The perks of being a powerful Grisha you supposed.

“Terrible,” he sighed, laying down on the blanket next to you and taking a small sweet into his mouth.

“Yeh, me too. I’m glad you came,” you laid down next to him, your hands resting right next to each other on the blanket. You had always been cautious with contact, if you did it too fast you would frighten him off, something you had learnt very early on. The both of you watched the clouds together, happy to finally be back with him. The world seemed lighter, easier, more stable with your Aleks by your side.

“I’ve been here every year,” he admitted and you knew it wasn't said to hurt you, but it did. He needed you and you were off on your own adventure. Helping a village who had fallen into poverty due to poor weather and plagues of monsters. It was only meant to take a few months but it took years, years that he had needed you.

“That bad huh?” you asked, not sure if he wanted to talk about it, “What about the woman?” the last time you had seen him he'd fallen in love again, a terrible habit really. Always seemed to lead to trouble for your old friend.

“Killed by drüskelle,” you turned on your side at his admission, taking his hand in yours and leaning up on the other. “She was wonderful, she didn’t deserve that,” you watched as a stray tear fell down his cheek, his eyes still locked on the sky. He always took this so hard, losing people was worse for him. You barely had anyone to lose, the people that you had loved, died eons ago. Well, all except one.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, “ you said, your voice soft as you tried to comfort him, “If I had known,” you hated it, hated that your timing was always off and you couldn't help him until it was too late. But there was something you could always do, “Ok, Get up,” you ordered him, yanking him by the hand until he stood.

“What are you doing now?” he asked skeptically.

“this,” you smirked, yanking him even harder until you were both tumbling down the hill. Laughter echoed through the wind as you bumped each other and the hard ground, rolling over the top of each other. His laughter rang in your ears. It truly was the most beautiful sound in the world and you would spend your whole long life chasing it down.

When you finally stopped rolling, he was leaning above you. The sun flickering in his beautiful shadowy eyes, his perfect smile directed at you. You couldn't help the grin that spread across your face, you lay there silent, the wind whipping around you while the rest of the world remained still. You reached up, brushed the stray hair from his eyes and tucked it behind his ear, his face instinctively pressing into your hand. “I’m so lucky I have you,” his voice was almost as soft as the grass.

“You sure are,” You smirked, needing a break from his intense gaze. You pushed him off you, “Race you to the top, slow poke!,” You called as you took off up the hill.

“My legs are longer than yours,” he called after you, winding his shadows up the hill, but you were too smart for those kinds of tricks.

“That's cheating!,” you called back at him, just as a big gust of wind flew down the hillside and pushed him on his arse. His thoughts swirling as he watched you run. How could a woman this frustrating and oblivious be his best and oldest friend? They had known each other for centuries and every time she met him with a carefree attitude and an effortless smile. His lifetime of heartbreak and darkness and hers of endless adventures, moving as free as the tide, going whichever way the wind seemed to take her. That gorgeous red hair, the only indicator of the fire that burned inside of her soul, he had seen the wigs she wore to move through the kingdoms with effortless ease. But with him, she always had her hair out, only ever truly being herself with him and he kept her safe. In return he lowered his walls for her and she kept his heart safe for the moments that he got to share with her in their long, long lives.

When he reached the top of the hill, you were waiting. A sweet cake placed between your lush lips as you bit down on it. He asked the question he always hated asking, “How long are you staying this time?”

“Until the wind changes,” you smiled back, that was always the answer. He knew in his heart though, that if he asked you to stay you would. But who was he to ask such a being to change their ways just for him. You had met many men that he knew of and some that he didn’t and not one of them could make you stand still. He was not going to be the first. He wouldn’t, couldn’t be the first man to trap a hurricane.

#Chaos and the dark #reader x darkling #female reader x darkling #the darkling x reader #female!reader x the darkling #shadow and bone fanfic #the darkling #aleksander morozova #general kirigan #female!grisha reader

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sanktyastag · 3 years

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I know people have already talked about the changes Mal has gone through in his show adaptation vs his book self - most of which are changes people generally agree are for the better, since they’re sanding off some of his less endearing character traits. But something that baffles me are the changes that they didn’t make as a consequence to the changes that they did. And by that, I mean, some key pieces of dialogue.

And even more specifically, this dialogue choice:

And to explain why this line of dialogue doesn’t make sense to me in the show, I need to talk a bit about the original book context for it:

In the books, Alina has been harboring a one-sided crush on Mal for years. And I don’t mean she thought it was a one-sided crush, when really they were both mutually pining for each other. I mean that Mal genuinely didn’t have romantic feelings for her in the beginning. Or at least, not ones he acknowledged:

“Wrong. I was planning how to sneak into the Grisha pavilion and snag myself a cute Corporalnik.”

Mal laughed. I hesitated by the door. This was the hardest part of being around him - other than the way he made my heart do clumsy acrobatics. I hated hiding how much the stupid things he did hurt me, but I hated the idea of him finding out even more.

This is something Alina battles with herself over for most of the beginning of SaB, before she’s taken to the Little Palace. She had a close relationship with Mal in Keramzin, when they were both just two kids in an orphanage. And then they join the second army and Mal is suddenly a popular, capable, respected soldier in people’s eyes, while Alina is stuck battling her own resentment at her inability to fit in, as well as some pretty gnarly feelings of inadequacy.

Feelings of inadequacy that are a reoccuring issue with her - in the beginning, she describes herself as a mapmaker “and not even a very good mapmaker”. With Botkin, she’s unable to keep up with the other Grisha in physical combat, and with Baghra, she’s unable to master her Grisha abilities. It can be summed up nice and tidy in the Siege and Storm quote, when Alina isn’t using her powers because she’s in hiding with Mal:

I was so frail and clumsy that I’d barely managed to keep my job packing jurda at one of the fieldhouses. It brought in mere pennies, but I’d insisted on working, on trying to help. I felt like I had when we were kids: capable Mal and useless Alina.

So at the beginning of the books, Mal gets the chance to gain acceptance and respect from his peers, and Alina is stuck feeling inadequate and ineffectual. The natural progression of this type of rift is that they would begin to grow apart: Mal would make friends and find a sense of belonging, and Alina would remain alienated and isolated from her peers. Which is exactly what happens. It takes less than a year for them to change from being inseparable, to a normal, casual friendship:

“So what are you doing here?” When we’d first started our military service a year ago, Mal had visited me almost every night. But he hadn’t come by in months.

And that’s pretty much how their relationship stays until they’re reunited after the Little Palace. It comes to a head with Mal talking about his jealousy over seeing her with the Darkling, and with Alina admitting she’d been happier at the Little Palace than she’d been in a long time, largely because she’d finally found what Mal had found in the second army: A place she fits in and feels accepted:

“That night at the palace when I saw you on that stage with him, you looked so happy. Like you belonged with him. I can’t get that picture out of my head.”

“I was happy,” I admitted. “In that moment, I was happy. I’m not like you, Mal. I never really fit in the way that you did. I never really belonged anywhere.”

“You belonged with me,” he said quietly.

“No, Mal. Not really. Not for a long time.”

And this is where that “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you” line drops. It’s specifically about Mal acknowledging that he started taking Alina for granted when they joined the second army, because he was so caught up in finally feeling like he could belong somewhere, and feel pride in himself, he stopped prioritizing their friendship. Which is a very understandable thing!

The books don’t really go into this, but at this point in the story, it feels like something Alina might finally be in a place where she could understand how he felt: living a life where you’re taught to be grateful for other people’s charity, and that you’re a burden on other people, and then suddenly being put in a position where your existence isn’t just tolerated, but celebrated and respected, is a very validating and heady experience. It’s easy to get caught up in a new life where you don’t have to think about how ashamed you felt in your past, and can instead be the person you’ve always wanted to be. It’s a shared experience of theirs that I feel like would have been worth exploring. What actually happens is that they seem to play resentment tag around each other throughout the trilogy, with one of them getting the chance to be respected amongst their peers, and the other feeling inadequate and resentful about it, and then something coming along that flips the dynamic, over and over again.

But I digress - so here is the context of that line in the book:

“I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me. I’ve risked my life for you. I’ve walked half the length of Ravka for you, and I’d do it again and again and again just to be with you, just to starve with you and freeze with you and hear you complain about hard cheese every day. So don’t tell me we don’t belong together,” he said fiercely. He was very close now, and my heart was suddenly hammering in my chest. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you, Alina. But I see you now.”

Now, when we look at the show... none of this is really relevant? We never get the sense that their relationship has changed from what they were like in Keramzin. Mal doesn’t grow distant from Alina - it’s almost the opposite. The only reason they aren’t together at the beginning of the show is because their units weren’t together. It’s not Mal creating distance, it’s their job. And the second that he gets the chance, he seeks her out. In the flashback, as well, we see him immediately look for her, and he goes so far as to hit someone with a glass, because he was told the guy said something shitty to Alina, just so he can be with her in a cell.

Similarly, instead of them sitting at separate tables in the mess hall, Alina simply doesn’t get served at all (because Racism), and so Mal goes out of his way to steal food from a Grisha tent, just to cheer her up.

He’s present, attentive, loyal, and completely in tune with her emotionally. He is, I would argue, also completely in love with her (which is something I think they flipped from the books - I get the impression that Mal’s been in love with Alina for a long time, and Alina is the one who hasn’t quite made the leap from “best friend” to “romantic interest” in the show, although that’s obviously a personal interpretation). So what, exactly, is he apologizing for in that scene? What about her didn’t he see?

The only way I can try to make sense of the scene now, is that he’s apologizing for perhaps not realizing she was a Grisha? Or maybe for inadvertently “making” her repress her powers for all this time, because she didn’t want to be separated from him? And that works, I guess, except that the lead up to this apology is Alina saying that Mal looked at her “with fear in his eyes” back in Kribirsk, after he finds out she’s Grisha. And that’s, again, a book thing. In the books, Mal apologizes for just standing there as she’s taken away, for not chasing after her. In the show... he does chase after her. He does literally everything in his power to go to her. There’s no pause, there’s no moment of doubt. The last time she sees him, he is afraid for her, as she’s being taken away, but he is not, for one moment, afraid of her. So I just... don’t get where that line comes from.

It seems weird to completely erase all of Mal’s flaws from the books, but then keep the dialogue where he apologizes for how those flaws have negatively impacted their relationship, without recontextualizing the apology into an appropriately impactful moment.

#the show sometimes treats these characters as if they're their book selves #and it's VERY discombobulating because the accusations they fling around don't ring true for these characters AT ALL #alina: yeah i'm sure you wrote to me in between all your exploits with beautiful grisha women #like what? show mal... doesn't... seem to sleep around? (which was a weird choice to remove because that wasn't a negative character trait?)#like they deliberately show us him NOT sleeping with zoya #even though he did in the books (where this line would have been more fitting)#because again #show mal seems VERY hung up on alina and not really interested in other people #so i just. don't understand where alina's accusation is stemming from?#instead of being an understandable insecurity like in the books #it now seems like completely unfounded paranoid jealousy in the show #malina #malyen oretsev #alina starkov #shadow and bone #also low key i'm annoyed they scrubbed mal of all his flaws #like give those back! he needs those to feel like a realistic person!#you don't have to keep ALL of them. or you can make new ones up if you really don't want to go in that direction any more #but damn. let a dude be selfish or hurt or unkind sometimes.#he deserves to have feelings about what happens to him #and they don't have to be 100% happy healthy emotions either! working through and dealing with trauma is messy! show that!

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serpenteve · 3 years

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So I ship Darklina, but I actually...don't hate Mal? Sure, he was a dick sometimes (so is the Darkling, in different ways), but he was also like 17 or 18 right? And, to me, he'd changed by Ruin and Rising. He went through a lot of character growth. He's not my favorite character by any means. He's probably one of my least favorite, simply because of how boring he is, and I think him and Alina would have been better off as friends or siblings for a platonic familial type thing. But he's also a teenager. That doesn't give him an excuse for being a dick but I feel like from what I've seen from Darklina stans (and what I myself have done in the past) is we hold him to such a high standard but we excuse everything the Darkling does. Yes, he's the villain, but he's also a love interest, which means he does need to be somewhat held accountable. I love the Darkling, he's my boy, and he makes Mal look like a piece of cardboard in comparison, but if we're able to love a centuries old villain and forgive his mistakes, shouldn't Mal at least get some grace? Heroes are allowed to mess up, especially teenage ones. Hell, when I was 17 I was a wreck. It just feels weird to write off everything a centuries old man does but tear apart everything a teenager does, you know?

But I also understand the Mal hate and I don't expect people to love him (I don't even love him lmao). I just wanted to see if some Darklinas are more open towards Mal because I understand most Darklinas hate his guts (understandably so).

Sorry for the long ask. What are your thoughts on Mal?

I don't think all Darklinas hate Mal but a lot of people who hated a number of things in the books happen to be Darklinas. If you hate the book romance, then you're more likely to criticize other aspects of the storytelling like the plot and writing choices.

I definitely think people's perception of Mal hinges on whether they feel like he redeemed himself in Ruin & Rising and/or whether or not they were exposed to the fandom discourse and reactions surrounding the characters. For example, if you read the Grisha trilogy after seeing people endlessly simp for the Darkling and talk about Mal like he's the Worst Character Ever™️, then probably you will think book!Mal really isn't that bad and people excuse the Darkling's actions despite him like.........destroying an entire town for funsies and terrorizing Alina across the country 😂

The whole Mal vs Darkling debate originally arose out of audience expectations. Mal was presented as a heroic love interest while the Darkling was basically a false romantic lead turned villain who Alina kinda still had the hots for but had to heroically resist lest she become seduced to the dark side. The Darkling wants to control and exploit Alina and will stop at nothing to do so. Therefore, we expect Mal to embody the opposite of this: support Alina in doing what she wants and not treat her like a trophy he's entitled to. Instead, Bardugo---perhaps unintentionally---set the opposite in motion.

I actually really don't mind Mal in Shadow & Bone. Yeah, he was kind of an ass to Alina at parts, but he apologized and helped her get the stag and most of his faults can be overlooked as dumb teenage boy things. The problem arose in Siege & Storm when Mal grew entitled, possessive and emasculated because Alina had this power he did not and Alina had this great destiny that didn't revolve around him. Regardless of what Bardugo intended with this lover's quarrel, many readers interpreted this as Mal wanting Alina to be weak and dependent on him. And now, when readers look back at his more annoying traits in Shadow & Bone that initially didn't bother us that much, it holds more sinister implications. It wasn't that Mal and Alina were drifting apart, it was that Mal doesn't care about Alina until someone else cares about her and then he realizes "oh shit! my biggest fangirl that i took for granted has been taken away and has a life of her own??? unacceptable!!11". This combined with the Grisha being coded as any marginalized group and Mal's bigotry towards Alina and then her ending where she lost her powers so the author could pair her with Mal also left some.................IMPLICATIONS 👀

And listen, it would be one thing if I was the *only* reader who was whining about how Mal's character drives me up the wall......but like literally 3/4 of the fandom hated his ass because Bardugo accidentally made him toxic in a very *familiar* way that the Darkling's toxicity is not---at least for that part of the fandom. And this clash between reader expectations and what was actually on the page is what gave rise to a lot of Mal hate. You mentioned that readers hold Mal to a higher standard than the Darkling and that's true. But it's also because Mal is supposed to be a hero, not a villain. The expectations we had for the Darkling were literally on the floor after he decided to randomly massacre Novokribrisk. Whereas Mal being toxic in exactly the same way a chauvinistic garbage IRL man would be toxic was way too much for some readers and we just ended up shipping Alina with the Darkling out of pure spite. Especially when said villain is saying things like "I've seen what you truly are and I've never turned away? Can he stay the same?" or "He’s otkazat’sya. He can never hope to understand your power, and if he did, he’d only come to fear you."

ALSO, I'm a big believer that the reason the Darklina shippers grew in number is directly because the Darkling and Alina are never in a romantic relationship. The failed and wasted potential was indeed a huge draw, but the fact that we never got to see what their canon relationship would be like allowed us to fantasize about an ideal situation in which the Darkling comes to the error of his ways and learns to treat Alina as an equal. The quotes I mentioned above are up for interpretation. He says he will never turn away and that he would be able to understand Alina's power...........but he also proved that he isn't above using her as a weapon without regard for what she wants. Because we never get to see the Darkling and Alina in a real romantic relationship, we can now choose to interpret that line seriously in fanworks, regardless of whatever the hell Bardugo intended with it.

#viv answers #i could probably write an entire essay on this but i feel like ive rambled long enough lmao #anti mal

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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Please, help me understand Fi more.

Hello! I hope you are enjoying your day!

I was hoping that could help me understand xSFP types and Fi types in general better, because as an ENFJ most of them seem reckless, annoying and egotistical to me. It’s easy to resonate with some of their fears and desires, however, I don’t really get them.

E.g.: in ‘Shadow and Bone’ Alina Starkov’s whole personality is a huge red flag. It is quite difficult to understand how one can think only about herself (and Mal sometimes) when there are much stronger forces at work and you can feel that historical events are literally at your doorstep. It’s quite surprising to see Alina not making any effort(she doesn’t really want to know other Grisha or train or even think about what is going to happen). She gets a chance to feel normal, to fit in, to have a kind of family with other mages, and yet…

As you have probably guessed, I have no problem understanding Kirigan’s intentions, but I would like to understand Fi a bit better, as there a lot of main characters with Fi.

Thanks in advance.

I am enjoying my day, thanks. I got done with work early, and realized I’m exhausted, though, so I doubt I’ll get much more ‘productivity’ done today.

SFP / SP types “live in the moment” and focus on what is immediately in front of them; they don’t see or look for the big picture, and whatever Ni flashes of insight they have are rational “sequence of order” premonitions. For that reason, you cannot judge them from an NF big-picture perspective, because their focus is here and now. Sometimes, they are reckless; other times, they are “on point” and skilled at seeing what is coming and doing something about it (either being part of it, or getting the hell out of Dodge).

I had a conversation with a friend one time about Marie Antoinette, as we debated whether she was ESFP or ISFP, and she pointed out that Marie could not have been ESFP, or she would have had a quicker sense of the reality of her situation. One of her ladies in waiting, an ESFP, saw what was happening and the way the trend was moving toward beheading aristocrats and left France. Marie was swept up in it all, and a casualty of it, because her feelings (subjectivity) outweighed her Se objectivity.

That is, in a nutshell, what is happening with Alina. Her personal feelings are directing every decision she makes. You have to “get” her not only from an ISFP perspective, but a 6 perspective, and factor in that she’s a social-blind Enneagram type. Her feelings are all that matter to her. Her feelings dictate her actions. Who she cares about influences her choices. She is a Fi-dom. Fi-doms have barometers that are in flux between “I love this,” “I hate this,” and “I don’t care.” For love, they love a lot. For hate, they loathe. And for the “I don’t care,” there’s no middle ground, and no need to think about it further, because they really do not care. Fi weighs everything according to itself – what its ethical judgment is about this thing, person, situation, belief, etc. How *I* judge it.

Alina is an orphan who has only ever had her best friend, and she is ripped away from him without any choice in the matter, and forced to attend a magical school where the only other person who seems to care about her, and offer her protection and guidance (the same thing Mal did) is the general. She’s an sx-user – if she doesn’t have fire with someone, she doesn’t “bond” with them. She’s an sp-user, she wants to feel safe and keep herself “okay.” She has no social instinct, which means friends aren’t to be made for “casual reasons.” (To be honest, that baffles me to; I have strong soc and not to make friends, take an interest in the other girls at the school, and think about what my role is would never occur to me.) She is a Se user, so she’s thinking about what is immediate and what she wants rather than seeing the bigger picture. It takes her time to start doing that, to start breaking down things and trusting her Ni, and by the end, she has a sense of her place of “belonging” in the world, but it’s still… about the person she cares about the most. It will always be that way.

She’s a Fi-dom, she has sx, and she’s a 6 – she NEEDS Mal. The story is all about a 6 learning to trust herself and do things for herself, rather than relying on other people all the time; like the Darkling’s mother said, you can’t always be using “amplifiers” (other people), you need to do it yourself. Every 6 must learn this. She’s about her connection to Mal (and later, the Darkling) and protecting that person; that is the central focus and drive of her life: I need you and me to be safe, and to be together. Other ISFPs aren’t like this. Harry Potter is one, and he takes on plenty of things that are “not his problem” because his Fi says, “Wait a damn minute here… this is WRONG. I MUST ACT.” SFPs act on what they feel is right – you see it in Harry Potter, in Buffy Summers, in Legolas Greenleaf, in Thomas from the Maze Runner. Feelings lead to action.

Fe/Fi conflicts a lot, and it’s not hard to see why, because it’s going in opposite directions. FJs want to be situationally-appropriate, FPs want to live their truth. FJs feel like they are obligated to society, to put themselves aside and work for a greater good; FPs feel like society is made up of individuals who should make their own choices, and not be “forced” to do anything. For an FP, it’s a choice of “*I* am going to do this, because it’s the RIGHT thing to do.” Consider Frodo in LotR. He didn’t have to take the ring, and throw his entire life into the toilet in the process, but he decided, with his Fi, it is the Right and Moral thing to do, and that the task should be his. The Ring came to him. It’s his responsibility.

Alina was not given a choice; she was revealed to have magic, and forced away from the man she cared about, her entire life uprooted – and it was not her choice. IFPs just want to live their life free of outside interference and for others to be able to do the same. Some of them are selfish, some are generous. Some of them would make friends, others would not. Some of them would say, “I have a responsibility to society to do X,” others would say “X is not my problem.” It’s all dependent on the individual. That’s what you need to remember about Fi: it’s all subjective. Everything for a Fi is subjective. You won’t find two Fi’s who are exactly alike in terms of what they think is right, if they feel responsible for what happens, or what should happen. They live in a world of a continuous testing of the outer world, to see where their barometer arrow swings. Do I care? If so, what am I going to do about it? If not, then what?

Ironically, an INFP introduced me to this show. As it turns out, her Fi only cares about the trio of Crows, so she watched it focused on them and sometimes felt angry about the changes to the book / their characters; she didn’t care about anything else, so she didn’t absorb it (or even necessarily watch other scenes). I watched it, absorbed everything, but only cared about the Darkling’s arc, as I found him the most interesting. As a result, we have nothing to talk about after seeing the show, since she only cares about the Crows and I don’t care about the Crows. For both of us, the viewing process was a process of looking for something to care about, something that means something to us as individuals, and devaluing everything else. That’s how Fi works: if I care, I care a lot. And this matters more to me than that does. It comes with a subtle tone of dismissal at times -- I don’t care about that -- but it’s really a process of what draws Fi.

That is just the tip of the iceberg about Fi; you can read a lot more about them and all the types in my upcoming MBTI book. ;)

#question #mbti #isfp #alina #shadow and bone #submission

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clarste · 3 years

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Since it's been a few weeks, what's your opinion on Chapter 8 of Arknights? Reading about your opinion on other pieces of Arknights has been very nice so far.

I find this enemy description inordinately amusing so I will start with this before going to spoilers below the break.

1) First of all I am a sucker for flashbacks following the villain, so the basic structure of Chapter 8 was right up my alley. Even if Talulah's arc was more or less predictable—who among us did not expect Alina to die? I think some people might feel that it was a little too long, but honestly I think it said everything it needed to say and frankly there is nothing more important the chapter could have said. If anything, the parts that weren't about Talulah would be first on my chopping list if I were editing this story down. In particular, the whole bit with Kal'tsit and the sarcophagus and all that had almost nothing to do with the themes of this chapter or the Reunion arc, so they seemed especially superfluous. Even if that story might have been interesting told on its own.

2) Talulah. The main character of this chapter, obviously. I think there are two different angles to approach her from that seem almost mutually exclusive, which are that A) she is a tragic figure who started with noble ideals but was pushed to her limits until she became a ruthless shell of her former self and B) she is literally possessed by Kaschey, ie: the Deathless Black Snake, who is the immortal spirit of Imperialism manipulating the country of Ursus into a constant state of war. From what I've seen of people’s reactions, I think most people focus more on angle B, which makes sense because that is literally true in the story, but what I took from it is that it's a lot more ambiguous than that.

What I mean is that the story is constantly emphasizing that the Deathless Black Snake can only take action as long as Talulah agrees with it. It's more insidious than just an external ghost taking control of her (and thereby freeing her of responsibility for her actions), it's a philosophy that was planted in her by her mentor, a way of thinking, an idea. A living meme. So when I say that it's the immortal spirit of imperialism, I don't mean that as a joke, it is the embodiment of imperialism itself, of imperialist ideals and goals, manifested in this particular person the moment she starts seeing her enemies as obstacles to be eliminated instead of people with their own motivations. I certainly don't think that the trigger for the transformation was set arbitrarily, that's just Who She Needed To Be in order to buy into the ideas that Kaschey and the Snake had taught her from a young age. It’s also an ancient god taking physical control over her, but hey, it's fantasy.

Ultimately, we didn't defeat the Deathless Black Snake in battle, we just gave Talulah second thoughts. And she will live with what she's done for the rest of her life.

3) Amiya. In this chapter, more than anywhere else, it's clear that Amiya is the main character of Arknights. Sure, we have whatever Kal'tsit is plotting, and whatever the hell the Doctor is, but that doesn't actually matter. In fact, they spent this entire chapter walking around in the basement and never once interacting with Talulah. The Doctor shows up at the end with no idea what's going on or what happened, which is quite comical when you think about it.

By contrast, Amiya sees the big picture. Of the three people on top of the tower during the climax, only Amiya knows what both Talulah and Chen have been through, or indeed what she’s been though. What brought them all to that point. She is watching all these flashbacks right alongside us through her empathy powers. Which, as I've mentioned before, is really the best superpower in this setting: the power to see the world through someone else's eyes, and to feel the pain that drives them. And we, the players, feel what she feels. In a certain sense, she's even more of a player avatar here than even the Doctor, which I mean in the best possible way.

And of course her empathy gives her cool shounen superpowers that are suspiciously similar to Emiya Shirou, but I will allow it.

4) Chen. Chen is honestly kind of the weak link here, imo. While of course we've been following her character arc since chapter 3 and I don't mind where they've taken her, it ironically kind of felt to me like she had no personal stakes in the final battle. Which is odd since the story seemed to be hammering that it's all personal for her, what with Talulah being her long-lost sister and all that. The problem (imo) is that her close relationship with Talulah is all Told-Not-Shown, and also that Talulah is being possessed by the Deathless Black Snake, so it kind of feels like she's being left out of the loop, both in terms of knowing the facts and also emotionally.

I'm not saying she doesn't get any good lines, or that her banter with Amiya isn't cool or funny, I'm just saying that what should have been a big emotional moment at the climax of the story just sort of fell flat for me, and I was left wondering "wait, why is Chen here again?"

That said, I did enjoy her bit afterward where she's like "you need to stand fair trial for your crimes, Talulah, but in this world that discriminates against the Infected, there’s nowhere worthy of giving you one." I feel that sums up the game's stance on these things quite succinctly.

5) Rosmontis. Rosmontis had sort of an interesting arc here because it separated her from Amiya and I almost want to say that was a good thing? While I thought her relationship to Amiya was one of the most interesting things about her in the previous chapter, it almost feels like it was preventing her from forming bonds with other people and becoming a more well-rounded person? I guess what I want to say that is that Rosmontis was being coddled, sheltered, treated as a child. While some would call her a monster, Amiya was always around to say "no no no, don't listen to them, you're cute!" And while that was certainly nice of Amiya, it feels like what truly made her accept herself was almost the opposite: being accepted as a monster (or rather, a person with monstrous powers) by people used to fighting alongside monsters. Being told that she's allowed to hate the people who hurt her, and to be ruthless to her enemies. That her own emotions, both good or bad, are valid. For the first time, she felt human.

What you'll note, of course, is that these aren't exactly heroic virtues, and in fact they're kind of similar to what Amiya rejects and what got Talulah into so much trouble? Honestly I don't know if I would say Rosmontis is a good person right now, but what she is doing is thinking on her own for the first time, and deciding what's right and wrong for herself. It sounds almost malicious to put it this way, but it's like Amiya and Rhodes Island were trying to mold her into someone she's not. In some ways the opposite of what Kaschey did to Talulah.

I don't think her story is over yet, of course, but I found it an interesting direction to take. Rosmontis is on the path to find her own justice, which may or may not align with Rhodes Island's.

Also, kitty:

6) W. Back when I was doing a write-up for chapter 7, I said that maybe she would have been better off being recruitable in chapter 8 instead of 7, because it seemed a little early in her arc for that. I was wrong. She wouldn't fit in for chapter 8 either. Honestly she probably shouldn't be recruitable at all right now, not that I'm complaining as someone who uses her. Just, you know, narratively she is not at a place where she would consider joining RI, and in fact she ends the chapter pretty much going "later losers, I hope we never meet again." Which implies that the W in my squad right now is like a totally different person who is either from an alternate dimension or the future, after a lot of character development. That's not like the worst thing ever, it just seems a little weird to have her right now. W's story isn't about Reunion and never was. It's about Theresa and Babel, which as of now we are still only getting little hints of. I'd be glad to see that story when it happens, but until then W's just kind of there.

7) Themes. For some reason, this one line in this chapter really hit me. While it's not literally true, especially if you count all the former child slaves or feral children and whatnot, it does feel broadly true that most of the characters come from middle-class backgrounds. Like, your Krooses and Orchids of the world. Kal'tsit goes on to explain that this is because RI can only really recruit in cities, and that rural Infected tend to get thrown into the wilderness on their own and have no idea that RI exists.

Interestingly, this idea also sort of comes up in Talalah's side, when it's revealed that Talulah is the daughter of a duke, making her followers hesitate for a moment. While I don't recall it being explicitly spelled out, the implication was obviously that she's not "one of them" and this might be a cause for distrust. But what are "they' exactly? Clearly she is in fact Infected, she made sure of that herself. But she wasn't abandoned in the same way her followers were. She had a choice, and chose to side with the Infected. Which is honorable of her and all, but it also indicates a fundamental disconnect between them because they never had a choice. She could've used her influence to hide her oripathy and be treated like a normal person (as we saw happened with both Chen and Patriot), or used her wealth to get sent to a fancy private hospital like Rhodes Island, with the latest medical technology and treatments.

So while the story focuses on the discrimination of the Infected, it's clear here that that's not really the only thing going on. Being Infected means little to those in power, while for those without power it's just an an excuse to intrude on their lives and make sure they aren't "harboring any Infected" or whatever. Basically the story starts discussing intersectionality, which I found interesting.

8) This is a good line:

#not touhou #arknights #chapter 8 #roaring flare #if we don't pick a name for ourselves we will only ever be called the names others give us

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alinastracker · 3 years

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malina week day 5 — free choice

false saint

a smutty one-shot inspired by taylor swift’s “false god” (ao3)

Alina Starkov had been one of the most powerful Grisha alive once, a saint —though a false one — to most of Ravka.

Maybe it was time to step into a different kind of power.

ruin and rising spoilers!

For the first time since they opened Keramzin up to Ravka’s orphaned children six months ago, the halls were quiet. Gone were the sounds of running feet and squealing laughter. Even though they only had four children, not including Misha, currently staying at the orphanage, happy children were often loud children, and it was the young couple’s top priority that the kids they took in were happy — as happy as any child who’s lost everything could be.

The quiet was oddly startling, even though Alina knew that the children were perfectly fine, out on a trip into town with their teacher, Karine, and the orphanage’s gruff cook, Stasia.

“Children should learn about their food early,” the woman had insisted, and so the little field trip into town had been planned. Karine went with, partly because five children were a handful for one woman, and partly because some of the children were still rather intimidated by Stasia.

The children were safe, and Alina was enjoying the quiet. But every now and then, caught off guard by the stillness, came a flicker of panic, and she had to remind herself once more. The children are safe. The Darkling is dead.

And though the home was quiet, she was not alone.

Alina pressed her forehead against one of the full length windows of the upstairs reading nook. They had wanted this room to be comfy and bright, and the large windows that faced the back of the property certainly assured that. She could see Mal down there, tending to the garden, his hands deep inside of the dirt. For a moment, she let all of her worries float away and pictured his fingers deep inside of her instead. She had to squeeze her thighs together as heat rushed to her center, demanding friction.

The sun was shining brightly through the window, and so she angled herself to stand fully in its rays. Alina brought her hand up, letting her fingers play in the light, forcing her sinful thoughts away. She couldn’t say how long she stayed that way, lost in her longing, but it was long enough that Mal had finished in the garden and had come to sneak up behind her.

“Playing with the light again?” he murmured as his arms wrapped around her.

Alina nodded, leaning back against his chest.

Mal pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Want to talk about it?”

It was what they always asked each other when they got into these moods, when she became entranced with the sunlight, and he found himself stuck silent and still in the woods. Sometimes the longing hurt, and sometimes it was just the pull to be in the element again — welcoming an old friend, rather than feeling the hole left in its absence.

“I was just thinking that I miss the feeling sometimes,” Alina sighed. “When I summoned, it was like every inch of my skin was brushed with the softest warmth. I can feel something close to it sometimes, standing in the light like this. Just not as . . . wholly.”

Mal was quiet for a moment, and she knew if she looked over her shoulder, she’d find the small pinch between his brows that indicated he was thinking. She knew the exact moment when his mind had come to a conclusion, feeling the way his body relaxed.

“Perhaps,” he murmured, angling himself so his lips just brushed her ear as his hands moved to grip her hips, “it would help if the sun could hit every inch of you.”

Desire returned thick between her thighs, if it had ever truly gone away. “What are you implying?”

“I think you know.”

He was right, she knew exactly what he meant. But they were out in the open, standing right in front of a window. The children were gone, though. The staff, too. There would always be the chance that someone came stumbling into their backyard and looked up, but maybe the risk made it all the better.

She had been one of the most powerful Grisha alive once, a saint —though a false one — to most of Ravka.

Maybe it was time to step into a different kind of power.

She took one slow, steady breath, channeling her confidence.

“Then undress me, Malyen.”

Mal tensed for a singular breath, then brought his hands around her again, feeling his way up her chest until his fingers found the first button of her shirt. He took his time undoing each one, letting their skin brush each time more of her was bared. When he had the last button undone, the shirt was tossed lazily away. Mal’s hands continued their journey down her body, though her skirt took considerably less time to remove.

Standing in nothing but her under clothes, Alina closed her eyes, soaking in the feeling of the sunlight brushing new parts of her. She thought for a moment that Mal might stop here. It could be enough, even if she still craved more.

But he didn’t stop.

Mal hooked his fingers into the band of her underwear, and when she didn’t object, tugged them down. Alina stepped carefully out of the fabric, brushing it away with her foot. His fingers crawled up her backside then, and a moment later, her bra fell to the floor, letting the light consume her whole.

Alina let her head fall back against Mal’s shoulder, bringing her hands up just as she used to when using her power. It wasn’t quite the same warmth that summoning had brought her, but it was something.

Mal pressed his lips to the side of her neck and whispered, “Sankta.”

Encompassed in the light, she almost felt like one. Mal had always had blind faith in her, had died for her. But saints had to prove they were worth the title.

Alina turned, meeting his eyes. Mal could’ve sworn some of the light had stayed twinkling in her brown orbs.

“Let me give you something to worship,” she said, and dropped to her knees.

Mal sucked in a sharp breath, but made no move to stop her as she worked to undo his trousers, dragging them down. His underwear came next, his half-hard cock happy to spring free.

“You don’t have to—” he started. Alina shushed him. She spit into her hand — rather unceremonious for a saint, but alas — and gripped him. Any lingering words of Mal’s fell to the wayside as he moaned.

It took very little time for him to harden fully with her stroking him. Still, she waited until he couldn’t possibly throb more for her, his cock hard as steel and bulging, before she brought him to her lips and sucked the tip of him into her mouth.

Mal cursed fervently, his hand forming a fist in the tangles of her silky, pale hair.

Alina swirled her tongue around him, dipping into the place where his desire gathered for her, only encouraged by his curses and the almost painful pull on her scalp. His words were like a prayer, and he only got louder as she took in more of him, swallowing him down her throat even as her body protested.

She still didn’t know if his size was a blessing or a curse.

Mal was on the edge from the sight of her alone, those pretty lips he had spent years dreaming about perfectly parted around his cock. He saw the tears in her eyes, though, and so he began to pull back, only for Alina to grip his ass, nails digging into the skin of his backside. Let me, her eyes said, determined. And fuck if it didn’t make his hips thrust against her mouth.

“Alina,” he moaned.

Her response was a brief, but not gentle, scrape of her teeth against him. Mal hissed, but he didn’t need to look at her to know where he had gone wrong

“Sankta,” he moaned instead, and it felt right.

Even if she was a false saint, their love — and everything that came with it — was like their own personal religion, blind and eternal. Though the moan that ripped from Mal’s throat as his release hit was anything but holy.

And this was what Alina had wanted more than anything — to bring him to the edge and push him over. It was a different kind of power, and she let the evidence of it dribble down her chin, droplets landing on her breasts and chest. Different than the blood a saint usually ended up covered in. Different, and much better.

When she finished milking his release out of him, Alina stood. Backlit by the sun, she looked as saintly as she ever had. Mal licked his lips as he greedily took in the sight of her. She had, undoubtedly, given him something to worship.

As any righteous man of faith would do before his saint, Mal dropped to his knees. It was not the first time Alina had driven men to kneel before her, and it would not be the last.

“Sankta Alina,” he whispered, bringing his lips to the altar between her thighs, his tongue forming a prayer that felt better than Alina thought possible.

But it wasn’t just a prayer, it was a whole sermon — every lick, suck, and plunge a promise of his allegiance. He had her mewling and trembling above him in minutes, barely able to keep herself standing as he pushed her past her limits. And she thought, as he rose with his lips glistening from her cunt, that service was over. But Mal only turned her over and pressed her naked body against the window. The glass chilled her bare skin even as the sunlight warmed it.

Mal had his lips at her ear again. “I’m not done worshipping you yet,” he murmured, and smoothly thrust his hard-again cock inside of her.

If anyone walked by outside or came into the reading nook, there would be no hiding their heavenly sinful act. To her surprise, Alina found the slightest thrill at a stranger discovering such a display. And as Mal fucked her with relentless devotion, she sent a prayer to the true saints that the glass held true.

This time, they jumped over the edge together, in the way that only the faithful could. Screams on their lips, sweat dripping down their necks, pleasure so intense that it could only be called a religious experience.

After, Mal scooped her into his arms and brought them to their room. He sat Alina on the bed, leaving briefly to gather wet rags for them. With a gentleness quite opposite from their frantic fucking, Mal cleaned the spend from her body, then his own, before taking the spot beside her, curling his body around hers.

Though she may be a false saint, Alina could still feel the warmth of the sun on her skin as the peaceful call of sleep pulled her under, a smile on her face.

#malinaweek #malina #writing #fanfic #malina fanfic #and when i say smutty i mean SMUTTY THIS IS PURE SMUT OK?#anyway happy last day of malina week this has truly been the best #ruin and rising spoilers #alina starkov #malyen oretsev #also realize i could've done this for song day but this came to me like last night ok

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stxrrdust · 2 years

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Okay so hear me out here. I know I'm connecting two really different fandoms here but I can clearly see a parallel between Zeke and Eren from Attack on Titan and The Darkling and Alina from Shadow and Bone. Actually, the similarity in the way their relationships work is uncanny.

For people who haven't read the books let me briefly get you all caught up. So, we're set in a world where people can either have powers and summon stuff or be normal and not have powers. There are multiple and different powers, not relevant here, but their leader is basically this one dude called "The Darkling" who has the ability to summon the darkness and do despicable things cause he's a monster. Summoning the darkness is said to be the strongest summoning there is, BUT it's opposite, the sun summoning, is just as strong.

Now, this is a spoiler for the end of the books but the darkling is thousands of years old so he's had an incredible amount of lifetime to practice and perfect his power.

The only set back? Back in his early days his power got out of control and he created the shadow fold. A huge piece of land covered with shadows and monsters living inside. During the first book, his whole thing is his need to find his opposite power and destroy the shadow fold (cause obv, you can't destroy fire with fire now, can you?).

Now let's go to Alina. Alina grows up as an orphan with her childhood bestfriend Mal (as normal people). At some point, around 18yo, she is forced to go to war and work as a cartographer, her unit working for the darkling while they're entering the fold. Things unravel fast and Mal almost gets killed so Alina subconsciously, unleashes a huge power just to protect him.

Now did you guess it? Alina is the sun summoner!! The only one with power strong enough to challenge the darkling. Long story short, The darkling takes notice of her and he takes her to her palace to work her power and eventually help him "destroy" the shadow fold.

Now let's go to the main part, their relationship

The darkling keeps Alina for himself. He motivates her to practice her powers and eventually help him conquer the fold. Without realizing, Alina falls in love with him and he becomes all pedo and really possessive cause she's what like 18? and he's what like 3thousand? Now, anyway, the darkling treats Alina as an equal (as he should). He gets emotionaly vulnerable with her acting all amazing caring person.

spoiler!

he's not.

In reality he's had an awful childhood, always on the run, manipulated by her mother. Horrible mother to begin with but does that excuse his actions. Well, no. Not to me. At least not all of them.

Anyway let's move on. The Darklinf manipulates Alina into working with her. Now don't get me wrong, the Darkling is Thousands of years old and I get that he wanted Alina cause he felt the loneliness but omgg COME ON NOW YALL.

By the end of the first book, The Darkling has successfully put Alina under his command by putting on her an amplifier to control her power..

Surprise surprise HE is the bad guy. (omg now way how could he)

Noone is surprised that an emotionally manipulative narcissist is the bad guy.

Turns out he only wanted her to expand the fold and kill more people not destroy it. OHHHHHH yeah makes so much more sense tbh.

Now let's connect all that to Eren and Zeke

idk if you get where I was going with this cause I'm awful at explaining but I haven't finished the anime isn't finished so I don't exactly know what goes on the next chapters (should I read the manga? hmm maybe I will honestly)

But let's briefly connect everything

Protagonists- Eren, Alina

Antagonists- Zeke, The Darkling

Zeke The Darkling

- Awful Childhoods ✔ ✔

-Manipulated the only person ✔ ✔

with the power to help them

-Became close with them by ✔ ✔

calling out to the relationship they had with them

-Started out as a noble cause, ✔ ✔

ended up betraying them anyway

-Cared about them. Or did they? ✔ ✔

- Only cared about their. ✔ ✔

power, not them themselves

There are way more parallels and things to analyze but I really gotta go study so yeah imma drop it for now.

ALSO read shadow and Bone yall or my favorite, "Six of Crows" by Leigh bardugo.

They are genius books and Leigh is fucking amazing

#attack on titan #aot anime #aot manga #eren jaeger #zeke yeager #jeagerist #yeager brothers #aot season 4 #shadow and bone #darklina #the darkling #alina starkov

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roddyretrograde · 3 years

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“She looks like a lotus flower and he has that old European charm.”

I just read a D*rklina post that said that this is why Jessie and Ben are a match. Don’t get me wrong, Jessie and Ben have incredible chemistry. I love them on screen together, they’re both incredible actors and of course extremely attractive. But this was in response to someone saying that Aleksander should get credit for seeing past Alina’s race, and I think it completely fucking missed the mark and ended up being a micro-aggression in the end that is really concerning.

It essentially said, “He liked how exotic she was.”

The “Lotus Blossom Lady” is a huge, awful trope, put onto Asian Women that takes away there agency and pushes forth the stereotype of them being a damsel in distress that needs to be saved by the Western man, as well as always being a “good girl” and “obedient”.

Here’s an amazing article that I recommend people read in full: Dragon Lady and Lotus Blossom: The Hyper-sexualization of Asian Women

That being said, this insert is the concerning part, because in full - it’s exactly what D*rklinas want Alina to be. Beautiful, obedient to Aleksander (he put a fucking collar on her, and even picked out her clothes), always doing what the Darkling says and thinking his thoughts and feelings are 100% valid and correct, and of course being forced into touching, kissing, and being a source of his physical pleasure (in S+S and R+R).

The Lotus Blossom Lady, also known as China Doll or Geisha Girl, is the very symbol of feminine Asian “flowers” – the complete opposite of the sexual Dragon Lady. The modest butterfly known as the Lotus Blossom Lady is demure, innocent, gentle, but most of all, obedient.Unlike the Dragon Lady who needs to be conquered, the gentle China Doll needs to be saved by the Western man, someone who can take care of her fragile, almost child-like self. Above all, she is a good girl, making her the perfect wife.

In many stories, films, etc., the Lotus Blossom is an innocent girl forced into prostitution and exploitation because of war or poverty. She is then swooped up and saved by her white knight, a western man, who then takes her away from all these horrible conditions to “take care of her.”

Not only are these things inherently toxic tropes and storytelling for women in general, but there’s a huge disservice to Alina and her Asian heritage to just coin her as a fucking lotus flower against Aleksander’s Old European Charm.

Sorry, but this makes me so angry that in a time where there’s a huge serge of Anti-Asian Hate, that when you’re given a brave, funny, morally good, confident and strong female British-Chinese lead that sticks up for herself and her people, you called her a fucking lotus flower for your White Male Fav.

#anti darklina #alina starkov #racism tw #anti darkling #i'm just...#I don't even understand #message me if you want me to link you to the person's post #i'm not going to tag them and send hate their way

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sirenprincess15 · 3 years

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Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 1

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4 (a bit of a prequel to the real story but I just NEEDED this scene to set them up), and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there. I have 14 chapters (49 pages) written so far that I am in the process of editing, and I will be writing a lot more.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

Chapter 1

It was already several hours past a reasonable time to be asleep, but Aleksander sat at his desk pouring over books on the Stag and amplifiers. He had read them all before; he even had some memorized, but he kept hoping that he would glean some hint he had missed before or understand a detail in a new light after recently reading something else. It was likely a futile effort, but he kept trying.

The night before, Alina had stumbled into his war room. He had been distraught over the likely loss of Nina. The rumors of West Ravkans helping the Druskelle capture her, of them turning on Grisha as their kin had before … they were enough to pull him back into the nightmares of the past. But then she had just been there, standing in his doorway. As embarrassed as he was that she had seen him lose control of his power and seen his eyes fill with tears, having her there was exactly what he’d needed. She had reminded him that he wasn’t alone anymore, that he didn’t have to fight to save Grisha with his power alone anymore. He had hers now. The strength of her light, her warmth when she grabbed his wrist was amazing. It had been enough to banish his shadows away. She was getting more powerful as she adjusted to using what she had always hidden. Together they were strong, but it still wasn’t enough. But if they found the Stag and he worked with her, together they would be powerful enough to protect Grisha. Not to mention what an amplifier that strong would do to her lifeline.

A soft knock at his door surprised him. He’d sent Ivan to bed hours ago. Perhaps an update on Nina? “Come,” he called.

“Alina,” he couldn’t help the smile that came over his face at seeing her standing in his doorway. “Come in.”

She looked more comfortable tonight entering his rooms. He liked that she seemed more at ease with him and his proximity. Gone were the days of her backing away in fear when he moved towards her. Tonight, though, she seemed different than even the night before, more confident somehow. Perhaps it was just that Genya had retouched her undereyes to get rid of the tiredness there, but that wouldn’t account for her more relaxed body language.

“Still having trouble sleeping?” he asked with concern. “I can get you some kvas,” he offered, rising to go get her some.

“No, thank you. I … I’m feeling much more relaxed tonight, actually.”

So he wasn’t imagining things. “To what do I owe this pleasure, then? Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you’re here. But, two visits in two nights, careful, I might come to like this,” he teased.

She matched his smile but blushed a little. It looked good on her. “It sounds silly when I put words to it.”

“Tell me,” he commanded.

“I just wanted to check on you,” she admitted. “I talked to Genya, and she said she’d heard rumors that you often have trouble sleeping, weight of the world on your shoulders and all that. I hope you don’t mind that she shared that. She was just trying to put my mind at ease. But, last night you just seemed … Well, I worried you might need a little light tonight.” She glanced nervously over at him for his reaction.

All he could do was laugh. “You’re checking up on me?” It was unbelievable, unexpected, and adorable.

“Are you laughing at me?” she demanded.

He shook his head. “I’m laughing at me. Here I’m worried if I intimidate you, and you think I need tucked in for the night.”

“What? Is the great General Kirigan too important to have someone care how he’s feeling?”

“No,” he whispered, amazed at how she had this way of cutting right through to him. “Not at all. Quite the opposite.” It was just that no one ever cared to even notice, unless you counted when the others feared they would anger him.

“Please, join me,” he offered. He pulled a chair for her next to his at the desk.

She took it and glanced at the desk full of books. “You’re interested in the Stag, too!” she said with surprise.

“You know the lore of the Stag?” Of course he’d seen her sketches and read her letters, but he wasn’t sure how much she actually knew about the object of her dreams.

“Must you always be shocked when I know history? I am educated, you know. Perhaps not as a Grisha, but I am well-read.”

“Perhaps you’d like to help me, then,” he offered and gestured at the pile of books. “I’ve read them until the words swirl in my head, but maybe you have a different perspective. You might notice something different.”

Her eyes scanned the books and one of them caught her eyes. “This one,” she said, pulling a book of text written entirely in Old Ravkan.

He remembered Genya mentioning in one of her debriefs that Alina spoke Old Ravkan. It was a useful skill for the court, but their accents grated his nerves. Alina’s voice, though? He smiled at the thought of speaking Old Ravkan with her. “So, read it to me?”

He closed his eyes as he listened to her beautiful voice read to him in his native language. “This is different from my dreams,” she murmured as her fingers brushed a line.

“You dream of the Stag?” He hoped she would open up and tell him more.

She nodded. “I know it’s silly. Mal would tell me it’s just a fairytale, but …” she trailed off.

“It’s a sign, Alina,” he said with confidence. He reached out and took her hand. “I believe the Stag is real, and I believe it’s meant for you. People might think me a fool, too, but I can feel it. It’s meant for you. Your dreams just prove it. I want to find it for you, to amplify your powers. I know you’re scared to face the Fold, but with me and the Stag, you will be powerful enough. For the first time, Alina, I have hope.”

She was still frightened, unsure if she would be enough; he could see it in her eyes, but it was less so than before. “I did much better calling the light on my own today,” she shared.

“You did? Show me.”

She looked a little nervous, but there was more sureness in her as she stood and called a large ball of the light. “I know it’s not a lot yet, but I’m getting stronger.”

“I can tell. You’re doing great. Do you mind if I ask what changed? You do seem different tonight.”

She took a deep breath. “I think I just had to accept who I am, to stop hiding her. I’ve spent my entire life hiding. I had to accept I am Grisha, and I have a place in all this.”

He wanted to say ‘by my side’ but he worried it would be too much for her. He had probably said too much thanks to the kvas the night before, not to mention nearly kissing her. And, yet, look at how she had responded. Strong. Confident. It suited her. “Together we will have the strength to make sure Grisha never have to hide again.” He looked her in the eye. “I will not let us fail. Now, tell me about your dreams.”

#darklina #aleksander morovoza #alina x kirigan #alina x darkling #general kirigan

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