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redroomreflections · 4 days

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Who Lives, Who Dies Chapter Two

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Natasha and Reader are married. They get into an accident where Natasha suffers serious injuries including amnesia. Natasha no longer remembers her life with reader and their children. All she remembers are her days loving Bruce.

w/c: 4.9k

Another hour has passed when you notice Natasha shift in the bed. Lily is still curled into her while Olivia is sound asleep by her side. You’re sure Natasha has gone past the state of uncomfortable to full-on pain. You also know she won’t say anything if it means keeping the girls close to her. Even in her current state, her first priority is her children. Whom she just met. There’s clear adoration on her face every time she looks down at them. Every sniffle or subtle movement and she’s watching them like a hawk. Daring any hospital personnel to tell her she couldn’t have them here.

For a moment you wish you were Wanda. You wish you could tap into her mind and figure out what she’s thinking. Unfortunately, that's beyond the scope of your abilities. You can feel the magic at the tip of your fingers, it's a low hum, only apparent as you’re stressed. You will yourself to calm down for the time being. You have to do this with a level head. Even when all you want to do is break down and never get up.

“I can take them,” You offer. Alexei and Melina are most likely still in the waiting room. Since hearing about the accident they’ve been helpful. They kept the girls while you took the time to recover. They even kept them during your stay at Natasha’s bedside. “I’m sure you need to rest and stretch. Alexie and Melina are-”

“No,” Natasha frowns. Oh. You hadn’t expected this. “I don’t want them taking them.”

“Natasha, the girls have been staying with them for the past week.”

“No,” Natasha shakes her head again. “I’m their mom right?” You nod. You can see her gain new confidence at your confirmation. “I don’t want them there. I don’t trust them.” She looks at you pleading with you to understand. You do. Natasha doesn’t remember her time in Budapest with Yelena or Melina’s farm or taking down the Red Room again. She doesn’t remember their reunion. You don’t think now is an appropriate time to say that Alexei and Melina have a home just outside of NYC that you visit frequently.

“Okay, Nat, I understand.” You can see her visibly relax at your words. “I’ll call someone else.” You think. There’s no shortage of people who would come and get them at the drop of a hat. The girls are very popular amongst your friend group. Monica would come no questions asked. Though she might not be prepared to keep them for a couple of days. Wanda is the next on your list. She’s good with them. She loves them as if they are her own. You’d have to figure something out.

You look at the time on your phone. Visiting hours would be over soon.

“I have to talk to your parents,” You stand. She bristles at the title you’ve given them. “I can, um, find you something to eat if you’re up to it?”

“That would be great,” Natasha gives you that much. You leave the room with a mission in mind. First is the nurse's station where you ask for food for Natasha. It’s not the best but it would hold her over until you’re home. If she decides to eat. Next is Alexei and Melina who are sitting so patiently in a corner of the waiting room.

“Hey,” You greet them with a sigh. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened in there. She-Natasha is. It’s so complicated.”

“She doesn’t have her memories?” Melina concludes.

“No,” You break it to them gently. “She doesn’t know us. She doesn’t know who we are.”

“So back to square one?” Alexei asks. “We have to win her over again?”You can see the wheels turning in his head. He’s already planning something of how he will get her to speak with him.

“The time that Natasha remembers,” You raise a hand to stop him. “Five years ago. Ultron. It’s when we first met. I don’t think she has any recollection as to how but she remembers battling him. Which means everything after that is iffy for her.” For just a moment you are grateful that she doesn’t remember you. Your meeting was less than fantastic or romantic. In fact, both of you were left with more than enough bruises and scrapes. Your time at HYDRA wasn’t your proudest moment. Somehow you think Natasha won’t be too welcoming of that.

“She doesn’t know the girls,” Melina says lowly.

“She’s Natasha through and through,” You sit beside them. “She doesn’t care if she doesn’t remember. She is their mom and she has her boundaries. She doesn’t want you guys to take them.”

“Then who will?” Melina doesn’t seem so surprised by this though Alexei has kept quiet.

“Yelena is still in and out so it can’t be her.” You shake your head. “Wanda. She’s close. If Nat doesn’t remember much of me then…..” Her words come back to you. She knows. “God! This is so fucked.” You rest your head on the back of the chair to allow the rest of your body to slouch. There’s no way she’s letting the girls go with Wanda. So, Steve is the next option. She knows Steve. Trust him. He wouldn’t lie to her. “I’m, um, I’m going to go make some calls. I’ll be right over there. You guys can go home if you want. I’ll keep you updated.”

They nod, gathering their bearings, before standing to leave.

“Take care of yourself, y/n.” Melina rests a hand on your shoulder. You nod. You’d try your best. Alexei bids you goodbye with a kiss on your forehead. You don’t move until they’re out of your sight. Suddenly it’s weighing on you how different life is about to be.

You pull out your phone to facetime Steve. After a few rings, he answers.

“Hey, how’s it going?” He asks immediately. There’s shuffling in his background and you can tell he’s moving over to his couch. He sets the phone down, making sure it’s at a decent angle, and it’s then the rest of the Avengers step into view.

“Hi guys,” You greet. “There’s no easy way to say this. Natasha woke up. She’s stable. Talking and moving around. You know how Natasha does.” You shrug.

“There’s a but in there,” Sam bends over the couch.

“She has amnesia,” You tear the bandaid off. There’s no sense of sugar coating. “She hit her head pretty hard and things aren’t looking so good in that aspect.”

“How much does she remember?” Steve frowns.

“Ultron,” The word sounds funny on your tongue. It’s still hard to even utter his name knowing what the aftermath was. You lost your brother. Wanda lost her twin. “She remembers being with Bruce and hiding at Clint’s farm.”

“Jeez,” Steve curses. It’s the closest he’ll get to a swear.

“She wants one of you here. To speak to you,” You tell them. “Maybe you Steve? I need someone to keep the girls and you’re the only one she trusts.”

“I understand,” Steve nods. “Of course. Give me an hour and I’ll be there.” Steve promises. He’s always so trustworthy.

“Thank you guys, again.” You sigh for what feels like the millitonth time. “Wanda I will call you later.”

“I’ll be here,” Wanda bids you goodbye. You hang up the phone feeling like a weight was lifted from your shoulders. You return to the hospital room to find Natasha sharing her lunch with Olivia.

“Mommy, no peanuts in it.” Olivia informs you. You look over to the small meal. Green beans, mashed potatoes, a dinner roll, and pudding for desert. Peanut free.

“She’s allergic she told me,” Natasha murmurs. She doesn’t take a single bite of food. “It’s a bad allergy right?”

“Life threatening,” You nod.

“I should know more about them,” Natasha begins. “It’s important that I do.” She’s admitting to a new weakness.

“I will tell you everything you need to know when you are better,” You promise her. “For now you rest. Uncle Steve is on his way to take you home with him.” You bend down to look Olivia in her eyes. She’s too busy making a mess of the mashed potatoes on her face. “Are you okay leaving with Uncle Steve?”

“Yes,” Olivia nods. She always has a blast with him. There’s no reason for her not to be okay with him. You move to sit in your chair, content watching Natasha interact with the kids, as you think of everything that you have to do.

She’s so good with them if a bit unsure of her position. Lily is still sleeping soundly, her face pressed against Natasha’s breast, as she breathes softly. Olivia is more active and has questions about everything. You don’t really pay any mind. Until she brings up her dance recital.

“You didn’t go cuz you were in the car ‘ccident.” Olivia says so casually. “I danced at school.” Natasha looks over to you for answers. “Her dance recital. We were on our way when we got hit by a car,” You simplify it. There’s no need for a full blow explanation.

“You didn’t have any injuries?” She scans you from where you’re sitting. Her tone is almost accusatory. You’re not willing to go there with her.

“Just a few dings,” You shake your head. Suddenly there’s another knock at the door. You stand to open it, thankful for the reprieve, to reveal Steve Rogers in all his glory.

“Unlce Steve!” Olivia grins. “You’re here to see Mama?” She questions.

“I am,” Steve steps into the room. He’s cautious. He comes to the side of her bed. Natahsa’s eyes never leave his.

“You’re bulkier,” She comments. She takes note of his full head of hair and fully grown beard. Steve looks good.

“I lift more,” Steve shrugs.

“I’m going to take Liv to get cleaned up,” You offer to give them some time alone. You reach across the bed to take Olivia. You can see Natasha take a deep pained breath. You ignore it for the sake of not starting anything.

You’re in one of the visitor bathrooms, cleaning up Olivia, when you realize you have to explain it to her. She’s three. She understands and picks up on more than what you think. Keeping things a secret from her won't bode over well in the end.

“Have to dry my hands,” Olivia walks over to the automatic driers to hold her hands under them. She’s so smart and attentive. There’s no way she won’t notice. Once she’s done, you walk over to the visitor's room. It’s not the best place to tell her but she needs to know. Olivia sits in the chair, bouncing in place, as she waits for you to talk. She’s only half paying attention as the hustle and bustle of the room catches her eye.

“Hey, Mouse, I need to talk to you about something important,” You start.

“Important? Oh? What’s important?” She looks to you.

“Remember how Mama and I got into the car accident and she bumped her head really hard?” You try to explain on her level. Olivia nods, picking at her sweater, as she tries to keep focus. For the most part, she’s doing quite well. “Well, when she bumped her head it did something. Her memories are gone. Which means she doesn’t know a lot of things that she used to.”

“Memories are gone,” Olivia repeats though you don’t think she understands exactly how any of this works.

“Yes, her memories are gone,” You try to think of a better way to keep this process smooth. “Mama is sick. So for a little while we have to be patient with her.”

“Oh,” Olivia nods. “Give her kisses and hugs to make it better?”

“I think she would like that,” You are in agreement on one thing. If you know Natasha, and you do, she is going to want the girls there every step of the way. Not that you know what the next step is. Of course, things are a bit harder to gauge when you’re doing it alone and she doesn’t trust half of the people you interact with daily. You could only hope this would work.

Meanwhile, in Natasha’s hospital room, she’s eyeing Steve with a guarded expression and curious eyes. She doesn’t hide her complete distrust for you and the entire situation. She needs to hear all of this from someone she knows. Someone from before. Steve wouldn’t lie to her. At least she hoped he wouldn’t.

“You’re still Avenging?” Natasha asks. She’s asking the easy questions for now.

“I am,” Steve confirms.

“The rest of the team?”

“Scattered but still around,” Steve sits in the chair you abandoned. “Thor is with Jane. They have a baby boy. He’s the same age as your little one.” He gestures to Lily. “Clint and Laura are with the kids still on the farm. Tony is Tony. He has a little girl.”

“With Pepper right?”

“Of course,” Steve nods.

“And Bruce?” She tries to appear uninterested but Steve knows better.

“Bruce is around,” Steve shrugs. “He’s here and there. Isn’t really an Avenger anymore.”

“There’s a story behind that,” Natasha prompts him to speak further but he doesn't.

“That is for another time,” Steve says. He bends until his elbows rest on his thighs. “You’re not supposed to be talking this much. Fractured rib. It has to hurt.”

“You know that’s not going to stop me,” Natasha attempts to take another breath though this time it’s too painful. She can’t even hide it. This leads her into a terrible coughing fit that has her clutching her side. Once she’s settled down, she lies her head against the pillows. “Turns out I have a wife now. I’m married.” She mumbles.

“Happily,” Steve reminds her. She lets her head loll in his general direction before opening her eyes again. “You and Y/n are an example of a loving marriage. Don’t push her away, Nat.”

“Who says I was,” Natasha presses her lips together into a thin line. She would like to drink a gallon of water right now. “She’s pretty.”

“That she is,” Steve laughs. “Seriously, Natasha, that woman would go to hell and back for you. I know your spy training tells you not to trust her. Especially when you only remember you and Bruce. Let her in. You’re going to need the help.”

“I’ve never needed help,” Natasha is a bit snippy with that statement.

“We both know that’s not true, Romanoff but I’ll let you have it,” Steve stands. “She’s raising and having your babies. Don’t write her off so soon. You may find that you’re in love with her all over again.”

Natasha remains mute at his words. Natasha Romanoff could never be in love. She’s never been in love. Love is for children. What she had with Bruce was…different. She can’t put a label on it. Not that she remembers anything that happened after her proposal at Clint’s farm.

“I’m going to take the girls now,” Steve reaches over to take Lily in his arms. She cuddles up to his chest. “If I don’t wake her now she’ll be up all night.”

“You’re taking this Uncle Steve title seriously,” Natasha jokes.

“I have to,” Steve bends to press a kiss to her forehead and finds himself explaining at her surprised face. Back then they weren’t so close. “I’ll be seeing you soon.” He leaves Natasha by herself for a few moments to come and find you.

Natasha finally takes a much-needed deep breath, clutching her side again, as she tries to wrap her head around this entire situation. She’s married. She has kids. What did Steve mean by “she’s raising and having your babies.” Were you pregnant? No. You don’t look it. Maybe it’s just a throwaway line. A thing people say. He also said your marriage is a loving one. Natasha finds this entire thing hard to believe. This one doesn’t sit right with her. She can’t run. Not when those two little girls look up to her as if she means the world. To them she does.

For them she’d stay.

**************************

Steve approaches you in the waiting room with an unreadable expression. He’s carrying a now awake Lily in his arms. When she spots you she holds out her arms for you to take her. You sit her down in your lap, kissing the top of her head, knowing how clingy she is when she’s sleepy.

“How was it?”

“She was fine surprisingly,” Steve admits. “No weapons to the throat or any of that.” He stands with his arms folded. “Are you sure you want her to come back home with you? Maybe it would be better for her to go back to the tower?”

“I’m sure,” You nod and speak past the lump in your throat. “If things change. If she expresses that it's what she wants then it’s fine. She can go back. We can arrange something with the girls and visit. Can we just play it by ear?” You pull your gaze from some random object in the room to Steve’s concerned eyes.

“How are you feeling?” Steve uses that voice. You know the one. He’s so caring and compassionate and somehow always able to pull the truth from you.

“I’m fine,” You have to be. There’s no other choice. “As long as she’s okay I’m fine. I think ask me in a few days. Maybe I’ll have a different answer.”

“Good,” Steve kisses your forehead much in the same way he did Natasha’s. “Now are you girls ready to go with Uncle Steve?”

“Yeah,” Olivia nods. She signs to Lily whose eyes light up at the idea of spending the night with her uncle.

“Don’t worry they’re safe,” Steve nods.

“Is Mama coming too?” Olivia looks over to you. She thinks Steve is taking you home.

“No, Mouse, Mama’s not coming,” You cringe at the trembling bottom lip and the sad expression. “Right now Mama has to get better in the hospital and then we can all go home.”

“To my house?” Olivia questions. She’s not liking this at all.

“Yes, to our house,” You kiss both of her cheeks. “Uncle Steve will take you to Aunt Wanda if you ask and I’ll call you before bedtime. I have to stay here with Mama to make sure she’s doing all better. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” She answers reluctantly but for now a tantrum has been averted. She climbs down from the chair to take Lily’s hand. She’s so protective of her baby sister. You give them both a final kiss before you watch as they walk to the elevator.

It’s then you stand to return to Natasha’s room. It’s time to face the music. You take several deep breaths, willing the magic to calm inside of you, as you walk back to her room. When you step inside, a nurse is checking Natasha’s vitals again. She’s just finishing up when you sit.

The nurse works around the two of you before bidding you a good night.

“Can I have a cot in here please?” You ask before she can leave. She nods before retreating. You turn back to Natasha who’s been watching you thus far.

“You’re sleeping here?” She breathes slower this time. She shifts to get comfortable.

“Yes, I’ve slept here every night since the accident.” You lick your lips.

“Have you eaten?” Natasha questions and for a second you’re hopeful. “Wouldn’t want you to pass out if you’re the one that’s supposed to be taking care of me.” Your face falls though you quickly hide it with something else.

“I can take care of myself,” Your hand twitches. She’s been awakened for five hours and you have yet to kiss or touch her. It’s a bit unsettling. The nerves in your stomach have since turned into dread. There's a pregnant pause before she asks again.

“Who is the woman in your phone? Brunette.” She doesn’t bother to look at you. “A mistress?”

You pat your pockets, wondering when she took the item before she lifts it with her good hand.

“My sister, Wanda.” You answer with a bit of annoyance. Natasha doesn’t recognize her. Which you don’t know whether to classify as good or bad.

“You have a sister?” She looks over to you.

“I do,” You speak softer this time. “I’m not a cheater, Natasha. Whatever thing in your head you’ve thought of is untrue. If you have questions ask me.”

“How long?” Natasha looks up at the ceiling. “Have we been together?”

“Four years,” Her eyes flash to yours. “ Five years ago we met. During Ultron.” You lick your lips again. You don’t mean to leave out key details. It’s better if you do until later. “We moved pretty quickly. With everything that was going on. Marriage was. Is what we wanted in the end.”

“You’re an Avenger you said? How?”

“I have powers,” You raise a hand to show the purple leaving your fingers. Her eyes widen and as quickly as you let it go you put it back. This may all be too much. “I joined around the same time as my sister. She’s an Avenger too. We dated for a while. Me and You. Wne on the run. Got married after. Found the girls.”

“Sounds like a bad movie,” Natasha quops and you snort.

“It does but what can you do?” You shake your head. “For what it’s worth I love you, Natasha.” You try to gauge her facial expression. She’s always been so good at hiding it. “You love me too. Even if you don’t remember. I hope that with time you’ll allow me to show you.”

The conversation ends there. Natasha doesn’t bother looking at you. She sits with her thoughts. She’d rather be anywhere but here. You know her well enough to understand she’ll probably try to break out of here in the middle of the night. Under different circumstances, you’d let her. For the first time in a long time, you feel as if you’re looking at a stranger.

A few days go by, and Natasha doesn’t attempt to escape, but you also don’t make any progress with her. She’s very distrusting of everyone around her/ Especially you. The only time she seems remotely happy is when the girls are around. They bring sunshine to her day and you wouldn't deprive her of that. For the sake of the girls, she pretends to like you. A part of you believes she’s not pretending. She’s trying and that's all you can ask. You rarely leave her side. She takes note of that.

You finally reach a stump when she needs to shower. Natasha isn’t modest. She’s not shy about her body or anything like that. However, you do have to admit being naked and vulnerable isn’t something either of you is going to be able to work with. The nurse offers to help give her a sponge bath and you both practically gag at that.

“Can we use a shower chair?” You offer and it’s accepted.

“You’ll help?” Natasha trusts you more than the nurse apparently. You give her an enthusiastic yes. You help her stand, taking slow and steady steps toward the bathroom, where you turn the shower on. Your arms stay wrapped around her waist as you bend to turn the knob. You try to ignore how good it feels for her to lean on you. You turn back to her, noting the apprehension on her face, as you realize something.

“I have to undress you.” You shuffle from foot to foot. Natasha gives an imperceptible nod. You start with her shirt, keeping your gaze on her face, as you gently lift her arms high enough to slip them out of the sleeves. She’s not wearing a bra and though it’s nothing you haven’t seen before you are aware of how she feels about this entire thing. Next are her pants and panties. You toss them to the other side of the room. You have better ones for her. You look over to the shower, when you look down at your own clothes. You could leave your tank top and bra on and your underwear. You have to climb in with her. “I have to, um, take my-”

“Just do it,” Natasha looks away. She’s more embarrassed that you have to bathe her. You make quick work of stripping before you both step into the shower. She leans against you, her back to your chest, as she breathes hashyl. You sit her down in the chair, kneeling and not quite caring about the steaming water against your back, as you begin to wash her. You start with her shoulders, her chest, her stomach. She keeps her eyes on your face the entire time. You don’t bat an eye when you spread her legs just slightly to clean her there. She gasps though she doesn’t move.

You realize quickly how you messed up.

“Sorry, I should have asked first,” You move your hands to her thighs. You shake your head at yourself.

“It’s fine,” She mutters. Though you can tell it’s anything but. You continue washing her with much more gentleness than before. When you’re done, you step out of the way to rinse her off. Natasha closes her eyes at the warm water hitting her chest. She enjoys the feeling of being clean. When you turn off the water you feel a bit better about everything. You don’t notice her eyes on your backside or the way she watches you as you reach for the towels. You’re half-naked and cold so you try to move quickly. You help her back into the room, dressing her with patience and love, as she lies into the bed again. She doesn’t take her eyes off of you even when you’re getting dressed yourself.

“Why are you doing this for me?” Natasha breaks the silence. You look over from the spot where you’re drying your hair.

It’s simple really. “Because I love you,” You answer before turning back to finish dressing.

You love her with everything in you.

A few days later, Natasha is discharged from the hospital. You'v ordered a few things to be delivered to your house to make her transition better. You pull around to the front of the hospital to the rental your insurance provided for you. You don’t feel particularly anxious until you’re driving away. It’s almost the exact same setup. Except you’re sporting a forehead scar that will fade and Natasha is suffering broken ribs. You hold your breath the entire time, your hands grip the steering wheel harder than necessary, and you’re more cautious the entire way home.

Natasha doesn’t recognize the brownstone or the neighborhood. It’s all unfamiliar to her as she waits for you to park the car. Which you do with ease. Unit #137. That’s your home. Your neighbor, Martha, is outside of her home watering her plants. She greets you as you help Natasha out of her car.

“Oh, you’re home.” Martha smiles. Natasha offers her a wave and a smile but nothing more. “Let me know when the girls are home so I can take them to the nursing home with me next time.” She makes you promise. Martha takes the girls to the nursing home every Wednesday to visit her husband. They love the girls and so does everyone else in the home.

“Will do,” You say before helping Natasha up the stairs. You drop your bags by the front door. She eyes everything. It’s all decorated in varying shades of black and white. There are a few pops of color. Children’s shoes and toys lining the foyer. There’s a nice bench and hook where everything is hung up. Pictures are lining the walls. A grand staircase leads to the second floor. “I know you must be tired. The stairs might be a bit much but I can carry you.”

“You’re going to carry me?” Natasha questions.

You raise your shoulder before dropping it. “The next best thing is the couch and I figured you would want privacy. Our bedroom is the first one.”

“Do we have other rooms?” Natasha looks up the stairs and you feel dumb for thinking she’d want to sleep in the same room as you.

“We do,” You nod. “I can take you to one of them.”

“Okay,” She prepares herself for you to pick her up and you do so with ease. You don’t have superhuman abilities but she doesn’t see you using your powers to take her up the stairs. You don’t strain or even grunt one time. You walk steadily up the stairs, turning to your left, to carry Natasha into the guest room.

“I have to grab your nursing pillow,” You tell her as you help her onto the bed. You rush to your bedroom to grab it. “It’s for if you need to cough or anything like that.” You pass it to her. You stand there for a few seconds longer. “I am ordering takeout tonight. I would cook but it’s been a long few days.”

“When will the girls be here?” Natasha asks.

“Tomorrow,” You clasp your hands together. “Steve is bringing them tomorrow.”

She nods at that. She looks as if she wants to be alone.

“I will be up here for a bit if you need me.” You say awkwardly before stepping outside of the bedroom. You close the door behind you. On the other side, Natasha finally lets a tear fall.

How could she forget all of this?

#natasha romanoff #black reader #natasha x reader #black widow x reader #black widow x female reader #natasha x you #natasha romanov #natsxaddiction

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