#ah the important things in life............
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A bit of angst warning ‼️
I want Ghoap content but in an angsty, healing way after Johnny got shot, but…
Realistically.
I want the journey of Johnny waking up only to find his speech stuttered and hearing practically gone, Simon desperate to communicate, Johnny taking it in stride, if he can’t use his mouth, he’ll use his hands.
Learning BSL like he was born for it, and if he gets a little too animated, he reverts back to military hand signals. Simple words change until he can mutter or speak a little more, but he can’t fully recover. It hurts Simon the most that he can’t call into their house and have Johnny come tumbling out of their room like an overeager puppy to greet them.
Months of therapy and yet Soap can only mutter stuttered, soft words. It takes three years before Soap grunts one morning “Bonn-ie yoo a-wa—ke?”
Simon shoots up and Johnny looks surprised too, but he just grins and signs sadly ‘*Dunno if I can do that again soon, love,*’ Simon nods, and its only a few days later when he finds out Johnny was practicing his name, a stuttered “Si-mo—n,” as Johnny smiles and Simon tears up. ‘*I told you I would practice,*’ he signs.
I want the doctor to ask him to wriggle the toes in his left leg, and have the description of his face falling and Simon’s eyes widen some more: more problems to deal with, to live with, to overcome. Johnny refusing to have his left leg removed, the right one already in a brace from a previous injury. Simon pleads him to at least get a wheelchair, and he does.
Stuttered, scratchy, raspy cackles as he uses his arms to race through the hallways, pushing the wheels to see how fast and far he can go… until Simon races after him, a smiling yet scolding tone as they wheels Johnny back to his hospital room, even athoughs he pouts and his hands fly up in messy signs.
“Runnin’ from me, Johnny?”
‘*Wouldn’t have to if let leave*’ The Scot’s fingers a blur.
A few weeks later crutches become the more permanent option, and Soap limps around with a big grin on his face, acting like a cat as he bats at Gaz’s ankles with the end of a crutch. Teasingly taps Simon’s ass with the end of the pole until the Lieutenant, smiling and teasing, threatens to take them away.
He knocks Price’s papers off the table, getting a scowl, and then a small chuckle from the older man who mutters: ‘Gettin’ too good at using those, considered a weapon in your hands, MacTavish,”
I want Johnny waking up…. Different. Same Johnny, thank god, remembers them, but he forgot things. Some important things. What was he doing in the train tunnel?
‘On a mission’ Johnny scrawls with shaking hands
What was the goal of the mission? Johnny pauses and thinks, but the doctor shushes him, and leaves Johnny and Simon alone. Two weeks later, Johnny signs ‘Who’ and the sign for a question. Gaz is sitting with him, Price too. Simon was out getting lunch.
“Who what, mate?” Gaz asks, confused.
‘Who’ Johnny gives a questioning look, then makes the sign a moment later. Price frowns with Gaz, and Johnny looks frustrated, signing ‘who’ a couple more times, and pointing to his head.
“Oh… who shot you?” Price is quiet when Gaz speaks. Johnny nods, then does the sign. It was painful, reminding Johnny of Makarov. He had also forgotten who Laswell, Graves, and a few other people in his life were. He had even forgot that Price was his boss, had forgotten he had tattoos, forgotten he had been called ‘Soap’ once. He remembered serving, but not much else on the SAS track. He never really got his memory back, but he remembered the little things.
He even remembered Simon liked baby’s breath flowers. Johnny being wheeled past a window and making a loud ‘AH!’ Noise, waving his hand to get Simon’s attention as he clumsily pointed with a smile to the flowers outside. ‘*Your favorite*’ Johnny smiled, making Simon’s heart flutter.
And who cares if it’s five years down the line? When Johnny shows up to the award ceremony to promote Simon to Captain. He rolls in through the front doors, in a kilt and suit top. He stops his chair by the door, and Simon’s heart clenched: using the chair meant Johnny was having a really bad day with his legs.
And then he stands. No crutches, no wheels. Grinning as he limps up to Simon, their mouth open as their boyfriend limps forwards, and pins the new rank to his chest, smoothing his hand over their suit to wipe off the dust, then, wobbling, Johnny sinks to one knee, and speaks.
“Would-ould you ma-ke me the happ-iest m-man in the world-ld, and be my per-menen-t partner…,” Johnny paused and smiled, wobbling in his knee with happiness in his eyes, meeting Simon’s wide, disbelieving ones. “Simon…. Riley,” no stutter.
He really had been practicing.
#cod modern warfare#cod mw2#cod mw3#non binary simon riley#simon ghost riley#adhd john mactavish#john mactavish#mw2#after modern warefare 3#fuck cannon#captain price#kyle garrick
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A lil snippet of this fanfic where Yevgeny meets Ian for the first time as a teenager, after his friend is injured and Ian is the paramedic on duty. (Mickey moved states to be close to Yev & Svet right after getting out of prison and hasn’t seen Ian in 16 years).
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The red head’s eyes were darting around the hospital reception, like he was looking for something he wasn’t sure he wanted to find. Yevgeny eyed him suspiciously.
“What you still doing here, anyway? Didn’t think you guys stuck around after bringing people to the hospital.”
The paramedic’s - Ian, Yevgeny reminded himself - eyes widened. “Uh, yeah, I uh… I had some paperwork to fill out from another case,” he answered. Yevgeny nodded and turned away, planning to go see if he could get a snack from the vending machine. Before he could leave, though, Ian spoke again.
“Your friend okay?”
Yevgeny nodded. “Yeah. You were right. Broken ankle. He’ll be out for the rest of the school year but he should be able to play next year when the season starts up again.”
“Good. That’s good.”
At the thought of the next soccer season, Yevgeny’s stomach dropped. The school could easily kick them off the team for all this.
Ian’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
“Is uh… is your dad on his way? Is he coming to pick you up?” Something about the guy seemed nervous, but Yevgeny didn’t dwell on that for too long as thoughts of having to tell his parents he was kicked off the team filled his head. Yev shuddered at the thought. God, his parents were going to be so pissed.
“Shit. Yeah, he’s on his way. Should be here any minute.” Yevgeny’s eyes anxiously flickered towards the hospital doors, waiting for his dad’s surely explosive arrival.
His dad was a pretty fair parent, his mom being the stricter one. His dad scared other people, Yev knew that. But he didn’t scare Yevgeny. Underneath the tough exterior and tattoos, he was a nice dude who cared about his family more than anything.
But, Yevgeny knew he’d fucked up badly tonight. It would probably go on his permanent record, and if there was one thing his mom always enforced, it was the importance of not fucking up his future. Soccer was his chance at a college scholarship.
Plus, he had promised his dad he wouldn’t go along with any of Jackson’s stupid plans, but he did. And his dad fucking hated lying. Yevgeny never really lied to his dad. Honestly. He told his dad when he had his first kiss, his first beer. Even though all of his friends lied to their parents and said they were chilling at a friend’s house when they were going to parties, Yevgeny always actually told his dad the truth. Mickey had always told Yevgeny that he could tell him anything, call him at anytime if something happened, and he’d be there for him.
But Yevgeny hadn’t told him they were planning to sneak out of the hotel this time. So yeah, between lying and fighting with the other team to the point his friend landed in hospital, Yevgeny knew he was going to be in some deep shit once his dad arrived.
“You okay?” Yevgeny looked back at Ian. His dread must be pretty apparent on his face. His mom always said he was like his dad in that way, no fucking poker face. That and they pretty much had the same face.
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just, ah, realizing I’m probably gonna be grounded for the whole summer.”
Ian chuckled, but there was something dark behind his eyes. “Well, could be worse.”
And yeah, Yev knew that was true. His mom and dad never went into too much detail about their childhoods, but Yev gathered enough information about their pasts to know that the both of his parents got punishments a lot worse than a few months with no social life. Still, it was the summer before senior year, and he was bummed he was going to miss out on it because he was stupid enough to listen to fucking Jackson.
“You hungry? Have you eaten?” Ian pulled Yevgeny out of his thoughts.
“Was just gonna get something from the vending machine,” he answered.
Ian shook his head. “Wait here. The staff cafeteria is 24 hours. They know me there. I’ll go grab you something to keep you going until -“ Ian faltered. “Until, uh, your dad gets here.”
Yevgeny was quick to refuse. “No, no, that’s fine man, you don’t need to do that.” But Ian wasn’t having it.
“No, it’s fine. It’s late and you should eat.” He paused before he said, “besides, you’re 17. You shouldn’t be here alone. I’ll uh…” He turned and looked at Yevgeny, and Yev realized it was the first time since the conversation started that the guy was actually looking him in the eye. Ian’s face held the same haunted look he was wearing in the ambulance. “I’ll come back and wait with you until your dad gets here.”
Yevgeny went to protest because he’s not a fucking kid, damnit. But the red head was already half way down the hallway.
Yevgeny watched as the guy walked away. He didn’t really understand why the dude was doing all this for him, why he seemed so concerned about him. Surely he saw this sort of stuff all the time in his line of work. He especially didn’t understand why Ian looked at him like he’d seen a fucking ghost.
Yevgeny didn’t have too much time to dwell on it, though, because pretty soon he heard the familiar voice of his father come through the doors of the hospital.
“YEVGENY MILKOVICH!”
#gallavich#gallavich fanfic#mickey milkovich#shameless fanfic#shameless#ian gallagher#svetlana yevgenivna#yevgeny milkovich#in this world Mickey & Svetlana petitioned the parole board to let him parole where they are#after Mickey was granted parole#and he was granted it because the board agreed that being close to his son and away from his dad etc. would be better for him#and would keep him out of trouble and he’d be less likely to reoffend#so he literally left prison and went straight to them#didn’t go into Chicago once#and he stayed in prison and didn’t try to escape to Mexico obvs#idk how much further I’ll go with this but just wanted to write this scene
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Usopp: Zoro, where are my Shuriken Stars?
Zoro: why are you asking me?
Usopp: because you're the only other person who uses my locker
Zoro: oh yeah. i put them in the Cook's locker last night. wasn't enough space.
Sanji: what-
Usopp: space for what?
Zoro: me, duh
#one piece#usopp#roronoa zoro#zosopp#nemotime#listen LISTEN-#Usopp has a lot of poofy and soft (enough) clothes. and sometimes he Cannot fall asleep for the life of him#so. boyfriend's dark and comfy closet#there's no particular reason he didnt ask to be swaddled in blankets and cuddled by his bf. he just didnt think of it lol#he did the Smack Something Hard Enough And It'll Pop Open thing to open Sanji's locker#he specifically moved any important stuff to his own locker Except the shuriken stars#he was hoping there was rough waters so he A) got better sleep B) got Sanji's clothes shredded#in my mind Zoro and Sanji are constantly doing whatever they can to make the other's life Worse#like siblings or childhood friends or smth. except they've been like this from the start#even when i think about their romantic ship i imagine their relationship as something like this lmao#realizing i wrote this whole post about Usopp's shuriken stars but i meant it to take place post-ts. OTL#ah well.
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not to kpop post on main but!! this hairstyle on yoongi is like….. the mental image i have whenever i draw enjolras 😳
#stfu leascno#i go about life pointing out things that are either enjolrascore or grantairecore#last night i was at a work party and got drunk and i was like ah yeah grantairecore#i woke up to this yoongi thing morning and was immediately like OH YES ENJOLRASCORE#his long hair era is so important to me im gonna be so sad to see it go 😔
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today was exhausting - my friend was here for about 7 hours and I just. oh man I love her and all but it's just a lot sometimes. it's probably for the best that we only meet up like 2-4 times a year now (gives me enough time to forget how draining it is so I look forward to it, and recover afterwards)
I don't talk to anyone but my husband most days, and he doesn't really talk. so that's maybe 15 minutes total of talking. and today it was literally. 7 hours. no breaks except when we were eating (but no even then someone was always talking).
first of all ouch, it hurts (my voice is very hoarse now). and also. it's so so so draining. like. we really have nothing in common at this point. but she's my oldest friend and I do love her so it's tolerable... but just barely. these days there's way too much diet/food/weight loss talk, and also she seems to be getting into alternative medicine which I cannot fucking stand (it's one topic where I can't pretend or be nice about it either). lots and lots of very preachy vegan stuff too (I don't have any problems with it, I admire people who can do it, but fuck dude you know I eat meat and that I've said many times that I *can't* go vegan (I would starve. there's not enough foods that would be left. seriously.) and it feels pretty shitty to keep going on about it every damn time. I'm not sitting there trying to convince her that she should really be an atheist or something, because I know what her thoughts are about that and I respect it.
when she hangs out with her other friends a lot it's mostly just talking about all the issues that come from that (they fucking suck). I don't know, it kind of feels like I'm her therapist. when I talk about something I'm interested in she doesn't ask many questions and it kind of sucks. like, dude I don't care about your plants either, but I'm interested because you care, so. maybe try that too. would be nice!
#like I know alllll about her other friends and their shitty behaviour#and just. it's exhausting#it's also exhausting telling her over and over again that she is too nice. yes being nice is good and all but she lets people walk all over#her and afterwards she goes 'oh well I guess it was probably just because [they had a bad day/other thing that happened/I said the wrong#thing]'. I do that too! but it's just EVERYTHING. always. even when someone is CLEARLY being shitty to her. like her shitty friends. she#will still excuse their behaviour#it just makes me sad man.#buuut#like come on maybe let me talk about my stupid tv show for 5 minutes and try to seem a little interested? I know it's irrelevant I know no#one cares but damn you really can't pretend?? I've mentioned it before a couple times on the phone and she's always just vaguely like 'ah#that sounds interesting' WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT IT'S ABOUT. but she doesn't ask what it's about so. I just stop#talking about it and we change topics.#like. yeah I know it's a bit weird that I'm in my 30s and that is one of the most important things in my life rn but. that's how I am. it's#always been that way. and my other friends care (or at least pretend to because they care about *me*)#so it feels pretty shitty!#like if I can look at 15 pictures of how big her fucking plants and herbs are getting. idk maybe ask one question about my show.#or like. even things like our new apartment and stuff. she listened and everything. but it's just. there's no interest there really. just#live 'oh that's nice :)' and we move on to the next topic again#idk man it makes me a bit sad (and I know it's ironic because I say she needs to acknowledge that people don't treat her well but. I mean I#do know this isn't great. and I limit my communication with her to a level that doesn't feel too exhausting. so. idk I feel like it's#different or whatever. buut really I just don't have many friends and I get lonely and it's better to listen to someone talk about#themselves all the time than not talking at all)#okay I'm gonna shut up now#and anyway I'm just exhausted and it's all very fresh rn and I'm incredibly tired so I'm very grumpy. usually it's really not that bad.#I just needed to vent I guess#okay bye and goodnight and I will stop talking now I swear#personal
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watching an episode about rory's birthday (takes place on a friday) while my own birthday IS ON FRIDAY🔮
#you really won't let me forget it huh.#everyone in my life: JOOO YOUR BIRTHDAY SOON me: what? ah that's right.#me about a loved one's birthday: THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY EVER EVERYBODY CHEER AND DANCE AND CLAP#me about my own birthday: OH right that's a thing too#jo in the tardis*#1x06#gg (bookish not the sparkly one) rewatch#more importantly. dead poets society birthday this friday. charlie watts fabrizio moretti birthday this friday.#darkness on the edge of town and obscured by clouds birthday this friday.
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that post got me thinking of how much my mental illness fucked with my memory and i got so... sad? that's not the right word. scared. but also it's something akin to grief. and something that effects my actual grief over people i lost. it affects everything. but i have never really talked about it with anyone. like not a single person, therapist, friend, no one. it's not even like a conscious choice, i just... think i am ashamed of it to the point i don't even think about it i just kinda live with ghosts in the back of my mind that grow in number the more i experience things and moments and feelings. i joke about my bad memory all the time! except it's not a joke, but if i stop to truly think about it i feel so much pain it gets overwhelming. like rn. idk if any of this makes sense but it's just... like tbh i wouldn't even know how to explain this to anyone! how do i explain something that i don't even understand myself. things just disappear. i went to a concert and i know it was fun but i can't remember much. if anything at all. i loved this person and i probably still love them but i couldn't tell you what we ever did together. i studied ancient greek for years but i remember next to nothing of what i learned and sometimes i pretend to remember something but in reality i looked it up. people around me much older than me remember in details a trip from 40 years ago but i already forgot so much of the trip i went on a little more than a month ago. it's like my life is endless grieving. idk how anyone who doesn't experience something like this could ever understand
#just like i don't understand the rest of people who don't live like i do!#it's not a fault. i'm so glad most people can't understand even while it makes me feel a burning envy. it's contradictory but both feelings#are true i swear#anyway. i can't even think about my grandma most of the time bc the fact i remember so so so little#while i KNOW she was important to me more than i can ever understand..... is just too much it makes me feel like#like idk like the worst person in thw world#ik. ik it's not my fault and i don't forget things on purpose. ik#but rationally knowing that unfortunately doesn't erase the constant feeling of being BAD. WRONG. EVIL#i can't even remember my grandma's smile. i can't remember anything she ever said to me. not one word. everything is so vague and blurry#how can i claim to love her. how can i claim to have known her for 14 years. how can i claim that she was one of the most important people#in my whole life#ah. have dinner soon and i'm trying so hard not to cry bc if i start i won't stop anytime soon and my family can't see me cry lol#i was tagging this as delete later but actually no#just not tagging this but it's staying
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Forgot to say that one the weekend we played a rugby match and we won! And I got best forward of the match!
#I can't believe I haven't posted about rugby before#It's one of the biggest things in my life#I'm so inconsistent about what I share on here I'll post about the most#inconsequential things and forgot to mention the really important ones#Ah well
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i am once again so very tempted to write out the entire outline for the 🔪 canon compliant timeline but i KNOW im gonna get burnt out halfway through and also slap like twelve content warnings in it if i ever even want to THINK about posting it
#im so. obsessed with my canon timeline story its developed so well over the last handful of years#ah the wonderful appeal of enemies to lovers#but with the twist that its really just. thing trying to kill you accidentally catches feelings oops!#unfortunately i started my ship/writing when i was incredibly depressed and suicidal#and that is an integral part of the story to me now for understandably personal reasons !!#its my catharsis! its how i coped at the time and now it feels wrong to change it. and also like. its an inciting incident.#without it we would not have met !#uagh man. one day. one day i will at least have an outline for Myself and it won't just be constantly in my head#does anyone want 2 hear me gush about canon timeline. bc i will not stop#i realize this is my blog and i can do whatever i want but also i dont want to be too annoying hGFBFFBSHDS#the reason my ship w him is so important to me is that i used it to cope thru like the worst parts of my life#and at the time i did not know how to verbalize what was happening other than to turn it into a story !!#bc it was easier to think about in that capacity#and while i personally find that super compelling and awesome i am also biased bc it makes me feel better when i think about it <3#anyway !!! i moght do some writing tonight. i miss him. and i still have a weird complex about watching videos sometimes. sigh
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ohhhh this is a bad idea. i should really not be doing this
#my writing is the most important thing in my life to me#historically... uploading new fic chapters while i'm hormonal and in pain and cranky has never ever gone well#i just get in my own head abt how it's bad or whatever and then i have a crisis#BUT... i haven't posted since the beginning of the month and chapter 3 is finally done and jhfdjksjhdf#nothing even HAPPENS in chapter 3 and i'm also really unsure about chapter 4 and what if it's all garbage actually and#ah i see the crisis is already starting#hmm. bad!#posts by me
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Its 'i woke up too early and fell back asleep and had a crazy dream' day 🙃
#two dreams actually! i was still too tired after the first one#where i had moved into a block of flats? in which i had one of my managers share a kitchen with?#and in the magical world of dream land i had a drive thru window#and i dreamt i was working bc i do that too much and then an angry customer comes up and says something angrily#like he's stood in front of this car at the window and i get scared and turn for my mom (because the family all moved into this flat)#and when i do over to her thjs guy at the dining table (dont know who or why he was there) and he grabs my wrist and presses a knife to it#nothing happens injury wise because apparently im more worried about the guy at the window and i just shrug this guy off#and the dream ends when the guy at the window pulls out a gun and starts shooting but i wake up before anyone can get hurt :)#and the second dream! was about a scarecrow#i feel like its an actual movie bc that what the dream told me it was? like we were on the island where they shot the movie#and the scarecrow was still in the water#so we're on this boat ride (one of those touristy ones with a slide) and im hanging on for dear life bc wtf the scarecrow is in the water#and my stepdad had told me there's this really scary scene where he reveals his like. hollow face behind the mask/hood thing#and one fun detail that didn't end up being important is that he's meant to be scared of carved pumpkins?#like there's a border around the island keeping him in the water#and this is a fun detail because my brain only included it bc in between the dreams i checked my notifications#and someone was looking for a pokemon called a pumpkaboo for the next gym and it stuck in my brain bc idk what that was#so ah yes halloween pumpkins and scarecrows in February. thanks brain#but yeah after the boat ride the island floods and allows the scarecrow to come on land#(which was p smart kudos to u scary brain)#and we're all declared as missing bc idk we werent meant to leave the boat place or something when the flood came#and then brain finds all the action boring and skips straight to both my dad and stepdad bringing us back to the flat to mom#where i assume we probably live happily ever after but idk that flat was creepy and felt very unsafe#i do like that brain thought it was necessary to include it in both dreams rather than. yknow. the house we actually live in.#but if anyone wants to analyse those you're more than welcome too hehe ive always found that interesting
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episode 3 of vernon's mindset i'm gonna screammmmm bc i needed that omg i'm crying 😭
#he started to talk about how how unhappiness comes from comparison to others#and i was like YOU KNOW WHAT .... YOU ARE RIGHT#genuinely and truly i struggle so hard with this especially recently#seeing everyone going to concerts having friends being independent and etc makes me feel awful abt myself#and he really said 'these things make you feel like you are lacking'#and i was like ...................... ah ah that's . me#but also i am trying mostly of what he mentioned that he also does that is#being grateful for what u have#and it's honestly v important#i genuinely go v back and forth between comparing myself to others#and trying to be like NO !!!!!! my life is good bc i have this and that and etc#and it's ! hard yknow#i wish i had so many things but i can't have them#most of them not at the moment and it sucks#so yeah ......... i cried a lil just now aaa 😭#it's just hard#tris.txt#tris rants
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i get distracted so easily but i promise i'll get more done ! eventually aaaa 🫶🏼
#🌙.rambles#i find it so amusing how wnvr i have a new interest i always get into it so deeply#a week ago i listened to sm architects songs n searched up sm lyrics n read articles too n now this week it's#switched to the 1975 n i'm listening to sm of their songs too n reading even more articles n watching stuff n YEAH N#oh dear. i shld be doing my assignments due like 24 hours from now n they're easy n i'm nearly done#that's the thing i'm srs nearly done but i keep on getting distracted 😭 n then other stuff too i wna do but forget hflkasdjfd#can't blame me though bcs isn't there just so much to life? n other than all these responsibilities n. survival i suppose. in this society#i just want to live n. learn everything. understand as much as i can and be understood.#be at peace w all the contradictions in life.. 'always' is never possible but i do know i'll endlessly keep on going on until my end#sorry. that doesn't really make sense i just contradicted myself 💀 theres rlly just sm n. it's weird bcs.. i've rlly known extremes so well#like w apollo i have a twin i know how it is to have. such a deep and close relationship with another person. we're like#familial soulmates fr so ik how to direct my energy so.. yk yeah so IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN BUT#maybe a better comparison is. yk when i love something i'm super passionate about it. obvious i have phases here n then but#i have. a wide range of interests but. arghhh no not quite that as well. so.. the range n that intensity? coexisting?#n it's overwhelming often bcs it's too much. n in the past trying to do more than i could rlly drained me like. sm at the same time#but then yk that time for me where i mostly just played ffxiv. uh. help i don't know how to say it n then i forgot what i was gna write#ah. it's just a lot. i really can't write it enough. such is one of the limits of being human#but.. the strong thought i have of how these stuff make more important things more meaningful is just#at the same time there's. another thought that battles it w a similar intensity. n i feel too deeply i think too much of it#but if you were to ask me how i was doing right now i'd say. perhaps stressed yes but i'm doing alright right now. actually maybe not#HELP NO I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE I'M CONFUSING MYSELF W MY OWN WORDS 😭 dw tho i am fine just rather frustrated with time#i want to do so much but yk i have these priorities that i need to do.. i mean. not really 'need'. but.#ah i just love thinking of how life is in relation to society n its people n then w. i forgot how to say it.. but yk. just the universe#it's so heavy thinking about these heavy things so often. the intense desire to understand n be understood..#to learn and to be learned. or maybe these songs r making me think of how. there's just so much. in life n death n everything#there's so much i don't know n again n again i keep on saying that while there's so much i don't know in every single aspect#there's.. people that r specifically one of my greatest weaknesses w just how unpredictable we are. i love it though but at the same time#it's uh. yeah. thinking of time n the past n present n future n how it's filled with so much is something that i want to#i want to take all of it in but it's also so overwhelming n i'm just at odds with my own self rn but i'm fine#words aren't enough honestly. but i want to convey it somehow. so i'll do what is right for me. in time.
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i like just talking about this world ive created in my head and the characters that are in it, even if that world is just "pokemon but i made characters gay and/or trans". its fun and brings me joy. what a wonderful world
#i do see myself making original stuff though the problems are 1. i cant draw and 2. im AWFUL at describing things lmfao#so theyd just stay in my brain. ah well..#it is what it is at the end of the day. im happy regardless of what i do because it makea me happy. and thats what's important in life.
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I’m going to try to ride the smashing success that is releasing two chapters in the span of just a few days and continue working on Life Cycles.
More smut, but TwistedPuppyMoney flavor this time. ^_^
#i probably should hold onto chapters and release them later when I finish them early#it’s better when it comes to likes/comments#but#i cannot help myself#ah well not why i do this anyway#brain kicked into writing mode and I’m just going to enjoy it while it lasts#and try not to deprioritize important life things
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chukyiu
owo what's this