just my silly thoughts on why i love the latest igtv.

i sent the marauders question, tysm for answering :) could i request reader being embarrassed about her stutter and getting reassurance or maybe ordering at a restaurant? your writing always makes my day - thank you for doing it!

Thank you for requesting lovely!! I based the way I wrote this on a friend I had with a stutter, but that was some years ago so if it's inaccurate please let me know <3

cw: reader experiences anxiety/insecurity around stuttering

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 817 words

Remus can feel the tension radiating from you before the waitress even stops at your table. Your knee starts bouncing lightly. 

“Hi, are we ready to order?” She glances between you, and Remus lets you nod for the both of them. “Perfect!”

Her eyes go to you, but you turn to Remus, a desperate look in your eyes. He clears his throat. 

“Um, may I have the chocolate crepe?” he asks. The waitress blinks, refocusing on him. 

“Sure, with bacon or sausages?” 

“Sausages, please.” 

“Alright. And for you, love?” 

Your jaw is already tight, an anticipatory act Remus recognizes. He sets a hand on your knee under the table. You stop jiggling it, taking in a subtle breath. 

“May I please have the b…blueberry p…p…” Remus glances at the waitress. There’s new awareness in her expression, but otherwise it reads of nothing but patience. He rubs the side of your leg, and you try again. “Can I have the blueberry p…” 

Your hands have started to shake. Remus gives your knee an encouraging squeeze, but it’s no use. You look to him, a silent plea in your eyes. 

“The blueberry pancakes,” he says to your waitress. 

“Sounds good,” she says easily. “Short or tall stack?” 

Remus looks at you, but you’ve turned your head down towards your menu. 

“Tall,” he says. “Thanks.” 

“No problem.” She gathers up your menus. You don’t look up. “Let me know if you need anything else.” 

He waits until she’s well out of earshot to take your hand in his. It’s still trembling gently, like a butterfly flittering against his palm. 

“Sweetheart,” he says softly. “Hey, you’re okay.” 

You shake your head, angling your body towards his and away from the rest of the restaurant. He’s glad when you look at him, though the shame in your expression has spiderweb cracks spreading across his heart. 

“I’m s…so emb…b—” Your eyes pinch shut, and you blow out a harsh breath. 

Remus hates when you do this. When your tongue gets stuck and you let it lie. There’s so much defeat about you afterwards, it floats over your head like a gray cloud. But he knows this isn’t the time to push you. 

“You don’t need to be,” he tells you honestly. “You were doing great. Really, you know I don’t mind stepping in for you, but you could have handled it on your own.” 

You press your lips together and try to pull your hand from his, but Remus interlaces your fingers. He can feel your pulse pounding against the butt of his palm when he presses down. 

“Relax, dove.” 

You take a breath. Swallow. “She was annoyed with me,” you say.

He shakes his head. “She didn’t care.” 

“I was using up t…too much time.”

“How do you figure?” 

“She has other tables.” 

Remus smiles slightly, stroking his thumb up the length of yours. “Look around, sweetheart. This place isn’t packed. I don’t think she was in any rush.” 

A flicker of uncertainty crosses your expression. Your knee starts to bounce again, but this time Remus only setting his thigh against yours gets it to stop. 

“I think,” he says quietly, “that you have a tendency to assume you’re bothering people when you’re not.” Your gaze flits away from his eyes, then back, and Remus holds it there. He hopes you can see all the sincerity he feels in them. “She didn’t give a shit how you were speaking. She wasn’t annoyed with you, she was probably just thinking about the next question she’d have to ask. Anyway, everyone likes pretty girls. That’s just basic psychology.” 

You snort. “If you want me to really start stuttering, keep flirting with me in public,” you say. But something about you has loosened, and Remus feels himself relaxing in response. 

“If you want to keep me from it,” he replies, “you’re going to have to come up with a legitimately troublesome consequence.” 

You turn away from him, but not before he sees the edge of the smile you’re trying to hide. He gives your hand a little tug. 

“I have a question for you, darling.” 

“No, I think you’re d…done.” 

“Come on,” he urges, “it’s a serious question.” 

When you turn back around, you’ve stowed away your amusement but it’s poorly concealed, shining through your eyes. “Hm?” 

“Are you going to be able to enjoy your pancakes here,” he asks sincerely, “or would you rather I get us boxes so we can eat at home?” 

You think on it for a minute, your gaze wandering about the restaurant. Remus can speculate what you’re looking for: gawping tables, kids turned around in their booths to listen, your waitress whispering furtively by the host’s station. You don’t find any of it. 

“I think I’ll b…be okay eating here,” you tell him, turning your eyes up to his almost sheepishly, “thanks.” 

Remus gives your hand a squeeze. “Attagirl.” 

MATCHMAKER!

₊˚⊹♡ Includes: Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya.

sypnosis: you're so sweet! planning the perfect date just for them and your friend. you're trying so hard to find their perfect match... sadly, he's way too head over heels for you.

A/N: so sorry for any grammar errors!! english is not my first language and tumblr is not making this any easier for me:( I used a grammar checker just in case tho! also, this originally had tecchou bc he's THE loml but I forgot what I had planned for him HAHA

Dazai Osamu

Dazai is usually a very hard person to read. During his days of working for the Port Mafia, he was taught how to mask his emotions and cover any sight of vulnerability. Protecting himself from enemies during fights with other organizations that searched for any sign of insecurity and uncertainty in his work.

But right now, his face was priceless. His eyes were almost as big as a plate, widened in astonishment. His mouth, agape with surprise, showed all of his conflicting emotions inside of his facade— a cute, small blush could be seen in his cheeks as his hands, who were prepared to coo at you and pinch your cheeks, had no idea what to do right now. Slowly finding their way deep inside his trenchcoat's pockets.

A hushed laugh erupts from behind him. Ranpo and Yosano have their hands on their own lips, trying to muffle the sounds of amusement that so desperately wanted to get away. Can you blame them? The scene was really enjoyable for them. Were you really that oblivious or did you just wanted to reject him softly?

He was so, so sure you were going to ask him out. It was a bit funny.

A breathy, nervous laugh escapes him before he coughs awkwardly, trying to stop his heart from exploding with feelings. "I— I'm sorry... Could you repeat that, please?" He inquiries, tilting his head just slighly. Taking out one of his hands to caress his bandaged neck.

You make a small nod with your head, a pretty smile on your face. Though, he believes every expression you make is gorgerous. "I asked if you were free this Saturday." You repeat. "My friend would like to start meeting new people and I thought you two would be the perfect match!"

He knew about his reputation. A pretty face and a charming personality made it easy for him to get into any woman's bed. But you thought that, despise all that womanizer actitude, he was great!

As you talked and rambled about how good of a couple he and that mysterious friend of yours would be, he couldn't help but grimace. His hard try of maintaining a friendly, unbothered expression was becoming harder. If only you knew that he only wanted you— ah, should he just tell you that he's not interested...?

But you have such a cute expression on your face! He can't just take it away... He doesn't know what to do right now. You look so excited with the idea of matchmaking, trying to make two hearts meet each other. Though, unaware that his is already taken by yours. Fluttering with everything you do.

"So?" He comes back from his thoughts as you gently grip his coat. Your smile is so contagious and sweet. Warmth spreading through his face as his fingers twitch from your hold. "What do you say?"

You're being so cruel right now... He doesn't want to disappoint you, but he can't bring himself to go on a date with someone who isn't you. His dark orbs look around the agency in search of a way to get himself out of this situation. Atsushi slighly tensed by the way their eyes made eye contact. And yet, he just turned around when Ranpo called for his assistance. Ignoring the silent plea for help.

"Ah... Well, I don't know..." Dazai began, looking at your face with a gentle, apologetic smile and a way too soft tone of voice. "I have a pile of paperwork that I haven't checked on for a long time. Kunikida will probably—"

"I already did them for you!"

His face and shoulders fall again, he really can't say no to you, can he?

Nakahara Chuuya

"What?"

Chuuya blinked. Then blinked again, as if registering the question at his own pace. The pretty red on his cheeks was slowly disappearing, as if the surprise of your suggestion had erased any sight of his intoxication. "You... want me to what?"

A cute, small giggle erupts from you at that. One of your manicured hands covers your mouth to stop your smile from growing, while the other holds a glass of some fine wine. Chuuya's eyes are narrowed, observing the blush on your cheeks. Would it be weird if he said he wanted to bite them?

Your giggles slowly decrease. "It's okay if you don't want to," You say, slowly taking another sip of your wine as you interlock eyes with him. "I won't force you. I know you're a busy man." The last part of your words contains a teasing tone, almost like you're trying to playfully provoke him.

An exasperated sigh comes from him, his gaze averting between his glass of wine and your face. "It's not that..." He mumbles, frowning slighly at the words he wants to say but can't.

It's not a secret that Nakahara Chuuya is a very loyal man, something precious in a relationship. That's why you thought he would be a great match for your friend, insisting that he should go on a few dates with her to get to know her better. You were sure she would be his type! Or maybe it was really just the alcohol talking.

"Do you wanna see pictures of her?" You say as you set the wine on the table, your hand that was holding it now has your phone on it. Tapping your password and going through your photos.

Chuuya takes his time observing your face, you're doing this on purpose, right? You must be. Planning a date for him and some random girl. He blushes slightly when you move closer to him; your shoulder touches his, and suddenly, he feels way too warm.

"She's pretty, isn't she?" You say happily, showing a picture where you and your friend are smilling brighly. Yet, he can only focus on you. Your lips look so soft with every word your spill, your cheeks are pink from the wine, and your eyes seem like they have the whole galaxy in them.

He doubts he's ever seen someone as pretty as you.

Chuuya would stare at you for all the eternity and just admire everything about you. He would never get bored.

He smiles. "Yeah, gorgerous."

He only notices what he did when you laugh like a highschool girl. Your smile is way bigger now, and Chuuya knows that he can't say no.

The Quite Girl's Heart

A love story of overcoming insecurities and an unexpected romance of a shy girl (Y/N) and a confident boy (Chris sturniolo)

A/N-new to writing, so sorry if it doesn't make sense. Just a sweet little fic to get my writing started. may dive deeper as time goes on.

Music mentioned= Lovers Rock, TV girl

T.W= none (just bad spelling and grammar)

Chris speaking is orange

y/n speaking is pink

This is y/n, when asked to describe herself she is quick to note down how she is pictured as a shy and introverted girl. She is not one to seek attention or crave the spotlight. Instead, she finds solace in her drawings and music, where she can get lost in her own little world. where people wish they can be like her.

Y/N have always been like this, ever since she was a child. Her parents used to worry about her, thinking that she would never open up to anyone. How she will slowly blend into the background. But she may be shy, but she have a big heart and is always willing to lend a listening ear to those who need it.

But despite her kind heart, no one really notices her. She is the shadow in the bustling hallways of the high school. Watching those around her and dreaming of being them. Y/N have a small group of friends, but even they sometimes forget that she is there.

That is until one day, its was last period Maths class, Y/N was not amazing at Maths but good enough to get a good grade. She usually spent maths lessons with her headphones in and doodling in her note book, with her work being finished early on. But today was different, Lovers Rock by Tv Girl had started to play, when she was suddenly interrupted by a figure sitting in the abandoned seat next to her. Y/N took no notice and began to complete her earlier doodle from lunch when the figure beside her tapped her arm.

With a shaky hand she paused the music and looked at the figure. Y/Ns eyes were met with Chris Sturniolo's. She didn't know many people at this school but she knew him. how couldn't you, he is a triplet for god sake. Chris had a slim build and light freckles scattered across his face. His brown hair had grown to a comfortable medium length, and was currently un kept giving Chris a carefree and approachable appearance. Chris's eyes are striking, with a ocean blue iris and a constant smile that lights up his face. Chris is known to have a very confident personality making him popular with the people he meets.

The lingering silence was broken by his confident yet hesitant voice "Sorry for bothering you Y/N, I'm Chris, Miss Koury said that you could help me out with my Maths" every part of Y/N wishes for her to say no, to excuse herself and go back to her own little world. But she could see the desperation form on his face. "Look Y/N, I could really use your help, I cant even begin to tell you how painful these lessons are" he looks down at her desk "and you always seem to get your work done instantly, so you must be really good at it." as he finishes his sentence she focus on that fact that he notices her, it was small and something many people may overlook but when you get overlooked by everyone else you take notice of these things. Y/N begin to reply "me? oh, no. I just like to stay on top of things" continuing on "and it means that the teachers don't bother me and leave me to listen to music" As Y/N spoke she can see that Chris has turned his full attention to her. He listened intently to every word she said, his eyes never leaving her face. She can feel the nerves filling her body.

He began to speak again and sensing the hesitance and uncertainty in her voice he tried his best to get rid of her fear. "Good at maths and organised, looks like I asked the right person to help me out" he leans in closer on a wait for a reply. Chris takes a closer look at Y/Ns face and he finds his gaze linger on her features. Y/Ns green eyes are striking, and Chris cant help but be drawn in by their intensity. He noticed the freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks, adding to her unique beauty. Chris couldn't help but found the shy girls smile enduring, Y/Ns most noticeable feature is her crooked nose. While many may see this as a flaw, Y/N included, in Chris's eyes it made her more attractive. Y/Ns cracked circle glasses sit slightly wonky on her face, but it only added to her character. Chris cant help but admire the black hair that falls in waves around the shy girls face, with streaks of white running through it like a silvery thread. he feels his smile growing as he sees her begin to speak again.

"oh, thank you." a warm sensation filled Y/Ns face, she just know that her cheeks were pink. "so... what exactly do you need my help with?" as soon as she finished her words Chris began "Maths. I really need help with Maths" Y/Ns lips curl upward into a shy smile, and her eyes crinkle at the corners as she giggles making her follow it up with her pushing her glasses up. Chris feels a sense of joy wash over him as he sees her reaction, seeing her become more comfortable around him. "I understand that" she reassures him "but what precisely about maths do you need help with?" Chris follows closely with this answer wanting to her voice again. "well basically everything." Chris said nervously "I see how well you do on test and I was hoping you could teach me your ways, so Miss Koury can finally leave me alone" he scanned her face waiting to see mockery swarm over it, but he was quickly reassured that this quiet girl is far form mockery. "you don't have to be so sweet" Y/Ns cheeks getting even more pink "Of course I will help" Y/N then begins to take out her note book revealing a neatly organized set of notes and practice problems. Chris couldn't help but be impressed by her preparation and dedication to the subject. Chris's confidence was infectious and Y/N could feel herself becoming ill with confidence. A lively but relaxed conversation bounced between them as Y/N explained and empathised points to Chris.

*time skip to the end of the lesson (so basically the end of the day)*

As the clocked ticked closer to the end of the day fellow classmates eagerly prepare there things to go home, whereas Chris and Y/N are still left in there comfortable conversation. Chris can see how passionate Y/N is about helping him, and Y/N couldn't believe that Chris noticed her and right now was laughing and smiling at all her crapy Maths jokes. Y/N could feel her heart flutter every time. Hearing the ruckus happening around him Chris debated on if he should ask Y/N for her number or at least a social media account, But just before he could muster up the courage the bell rang out. "Thank you for giving up your music time to help me Y/N" Chris spoke out as they calmly place their belonging into their bags "cant believe I am going to say this but..." curiosity filled Y/N face and a wave of nerves washed over her in anticipation on what he was going to follow with, then he began to speak. "I really enjoyed this Maths lesson" Then Y/N was hit with a sharp punch of disappointment, she was hoping he would say something different but she wasn't sure what. she plastered on a crooked nerves smile and began to speak "yeah. It was lovely taking to you" now finished zipping her bag she gently brushes pass Chris who is still gathering notes and shoving them into his bag.

Y/N exits the classroom, puts her earphones in and begins walking with the crowds of people to her locker. In her own world placing books neatly on her locker shelf and taking out her jacket a lone hand places itself on her shoulder and she begins to turn. Y/N is now met face to face with Chris again with Nick and Matt standing behind. Chris is struggling to close his bag showing clearly that he rushed to catch her, he catches his breath as Y/N yet again pauses her music for him. "sorry for making you pause your music again" Chris speaks out finally zipping up his bag and making himself look more presentable. "Don't worry it fine" Y/N say to make sure Chris knows he is not burden to her "err..was there something you needed?". Chris subtly looks behind him seeing the figures of his brother wating behind. He debts whether or not to ask for her number than finally begins to speak. "Well I was just wondering" Chris feels his confidence in battle with is nerves "well.... its just that"

The battle was lost Chris's nerves had won. He found himself fill with disappointment when his words coward to safety. "Do you mind helping me next Maths lesson". Y/N heart sinks, she is unsure why but she wishes for more. But with her heavy heart Y/N agrees to help once more "Ur...yeah I will be happy to help" Y/N didn't not want to miss a chance to be with Chris. Y/N has never felt this way before, she realised that when she spoke to him she didn't feel shy. Chris made her feel confident and comfortable in her own skin.

Before Chris could leave Y/N was struck but a pulse of confident and informed Chris "You can find me in the library" she had a sweet smile resting on her face and her eyes had a bright glow. Y/Ns tone softened and she spoke "just in case you need to talk" Y/N shocked by her own words and how forward she was being, stumbling on her next, trying to look less eager to talk to Chris again hoping she hadn't messed up "about the Maths problem" she stumbled out "I don't mind going over any of them" she anticipated to be declined for her offer but was soon was put at ease by Chris's words "Library". Repeating the location almost as to make a mental note, "OK" Chris said more for himself, showing that he retained the information. "well I am sure I will see you soon" he looks as his brothers beginning to walk to the exit sensing the end of the conversation sooner then Chris wanted. With Chris's brothers now out of ear shot he spoke "I'm sure I will have no problem mustering up some Maths questions to have an excuse to disturber your music once again". A pink hue was now painted over his face, with his feelings flustered be quickly turned to catch up with his brothers leaving Y/N with these final words "I have loved speaking to you". Y/N was left to reflect as she put on her jacket, shut her locker and began to walk home. He may had meant nothing by it she thought, it may have been a simple compliment. But still she found herself playing those words back in her mind, replacing the music that plays. Y/N found herself thinking about her interaction with Chris. How she felt nothing but happiness, she felt comfortable around him, her shyness becoming a distant figure in her past. And while she thought this was just a passing moment, that once he got a good grade it will go back to normal, she couldn't help but hope for more, hope that he asks for help with more classes, asks for help with anything. Just so she can she can see his beautiful soul again. Just so she can feel happy again.

*time skip to the next day- lunch time*

last night when finally arriving home Chris instantly began going over his note. Not for revision, NO! but so he can go see Y/N, to talk to her again.

Its now lunch and Chris has branched off from his brothers and his friends to make his way to the library. With a sticky note in hand with random maths questions he needs help with.

Making his way through the library, his confident and outgoing demeanour contrasted with the quite, studious atmosphere. Chris scanned the rows of shelves, searching for Y/N. He cant see her, he start to debate if he should keep looking or spend his lunch with his friends.

yet another battle was waging in his mind and he was scared of who will come out on top.....

*A/N- i hope you liked this. I didn't want it to be too long so if you will like a part 2 just say*

*A/N- any advice or recommendations are more then welcome*

I'll be your hideaway

Pairing: Kostas Tsimikas x fem!reader Words: 2324 Warnings: Mentions of teammates leaving and the dreadful 22/23 season, talk of insecurities and worries, smut, porn w/feelings, public sex, outdoor sex, oral (f receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, cockwarming, Google translated Greek

In which Kostas takes you on holiday to get away from the abysmal 22/23 season

---

It always takes him a few days to shake off the last dregs of a harrowing season. You don’t mind, the country he has whisked you away to is beautiful and after a gruelling six months at work, you are more than happy to let your boyfriend sort through his thoughts and emotions while you finally catch up on some reading. He spends most mornings in the gym on the resort and has met up with a few of the other Liverpool boys who are staying at the same place for some tennis. And while you’re meant to be on holiday together, you are so grateful for his friends to help him work through the tangles of grief and frustration, because slowly but surely you see the Kostas you fell in love with reemerge; you can tell by the change in his body language and the reappearance of that glimmer in his eye that your Kos, your sunshine boy, is slowly coming back to you. 

Kicking off your shoes, you walk outside as Kostas heads into the lounge to phone his family. The sun has already started setting and for a moment you feel like you’re the only person on the planet as you stare out over the Indian ocean. The water calmly laps against the pillars holding up the villa. You had planned to finish your book while Kostas was on the phone, but you can’t tear your eyes away from the way the sky is now tinged with different shades of pinks and purples. A stillness washes over you as you make yourself comfortable on the large daybed on the deck and watch the sunset. Right now, in this moment, life feels so good that it almost makes you choke up. Pulling your knees up, you rest your chin on them and take a deep breath, exhaling the last bits of stress about your shared future. 

This is how Kostas finds you when he joins you after his phone call. The feeling of his lips against the nape of your neck breaks you from the trance the view had put you under.

“You were miles away, agápi mou,” he murmurs against your hair as he settles behind you. You can’t help but smile at the term of endearment and lean back against him. 

“Was just thinking..” you say, lacing your fingers with his as they rest on your stomach. Kostas lifts your entwined hands and kisses the back of yours.

“About what?” 

You’re quiet for a moment, trying to sort through all the emotions filling your chest.

“About us. The future. How lucky we are to witness this,” you murmur, turning your face to look at him, “About how much I love you, how happy it makes me to see you smile again.” 

Kostas’ eyes search your face and for the faintest of moments you see a flicker of sadness in those stunning brown eyes that always tell you exactly how he’s feeling even if he might not have the words to tell you himself. Before Kostas can apologise, you kiss him.

“No need, my love. For better or worse, you have me –all of me.” 

“I know, but still… I shouldn’t take your support or your love for granted. I’ve been so in my head lately that I never stopped to think about how you must feel,” Kostas says, smiling wistfully as he brushes back a strand of your hair. You lean into his touch, kissing his wrist as he rests his hand against your cheek.

“I feel that this season has been brutal. I feel that you have every right to be upset about your teammates leaving. I feel that you will come to me when you’re ready to talk things through. I feel worried for you and your future, this limbo of uncertainty that always comes up at the end of a season is-... It’s hard seeing someone you love so much doubt their worth to a team and a city that loves them so unconditionally in return.” 

The words just tumble out, but perhaps it’s this honesty –this open dialogue– that the both of you need. Kostas is quiet for a moment as he mulls over what you said. He pulls you back against his chest as he lays down on the daybed, absentmindedly rubbing circles over your shoulder as he stares out over the ocean. 

“I know that I am loved by the city, and sometimes it worries me whether it’ll be enough… I knew when I signed I would never be first choice. And I just wonder if I will know, y’know? Like James, Bobby; will I know it’s time to move on or will my love for the city cloud that?” Kostas breaks the silence. You move to sit up slightly so you can look at him properly.

“I know you, my love, you will know. And I will be there every step of the way to help you make that call when the time comes.” Kostas smiles up at you, and you see flashes of the younger man you fell in love with appear in the way his eyes twinkle with adoration and an almost renewed zest for life. He pulls you on top of him, kissing you deeply.

“What did I ever do in all my past lives to deserve you?” he murmurs, more to himself really, but you can’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach and a lump in your throat.

“I wonder the same thing,” you reply and kiss him again while tears threaten to spill. You can’t even put into words really how incandescently happy he makes you, how full your heart is with love for him. 

“S'agapó,” he whispers as he rolls you onto your back. Your hands slide up his arms, to his broad shoulders. 

“I love you, too,” you whisper back, pulling his face down to yours and kissing him once more. Kostas hums into the kiss, you can feel him smile against your lips before his tongue seeks entrance. More than happy to oblige, you part your lips to allow him to explore your mouth, tasting the cocktails he’s had with dinner on his tongue. Kostas’ hand wanders up the flowy skirt of your dress, caressing the outside of your thigh. The kiss changes from slow and loving to urgent. A heat climbs up your spine as you feel him harden against your hip. 

“Wanna show you just how much, sweetheart,” he murmurs. Kostas sits back on his haunches and pulls at the bow at your waist. The fabric gives way easily to his eager hands and hungry eyes, leaving you in a mismatched set of cotton panties and a bralette. Had you been anywhere else, you would have been worried about people seeing you like this, but the deck of the villa is shielded from any prying eyes. It feels liberating, in a sense. 

You’re quick to pull the bralette over your head, dropping it next to you on the floor. Kostas slowly pulls your panties down, taking his time to kiss the skin of your hips and thighs, his lips following the path of his hands until you’re completely naked. He looks up at you from where he’s lying between your thighs, his gaze half rapture, half reverence, and it leaves you feeling so unbelievably adored, it has you choking up. Kostas presses a tender kiss to where you’re aching for him with need, his hands holding your thighs open for him. His tongue licks a stripe up your pussy before he flicks it over your clit, drawing a low moan from you. Kostas looks up at you, eyes dark and the look of equal parts love and lust in them leaves you breathless. He draws slow circles around your clit, enough to build you up but not enough to send you flying –not yet at least. 

“Kostas…” you sigh, back arching as you shamelessly grind against his face. He hums against your cunt, sucking that bundle of nerves into his mouth. The sensation has your body vibrating with want. Your eyes flutter closed, lips parted, as you melt into his touch. The last coherent thoughts seem to evaporate as you give in to the feeling of Kostas’ mouth on you. An ocean breeze caresses your skin, causing your nipples to harden. Quiet moans and sighs leave your open mouth as your fingers try desperately to hold onto something while Kostas plays you like a goddamn fiddle. He reaches a hand up, intertwining his fingers with yours. 

“Yes… Kos…” you all but whisper. A slow heat is dancing its way up your body, starting in the pit of your stomach and you feel like you might combust –with need, with love, with emotion; it’s all a mess, a delicious mess, swirling around in your body as Kostas flicks just the tip of his tongue over that already swollen bud in such a way that it has you crying out as your orgasm wrecks through you, leaving your body trembling with the aftershocks. 

Kostas takes his time, kissing his way up your body, as you come down from your high. Your body has melted into the cushions of the daybed, eyes half-lidded, and you swallow hard. Kostas smiles this boyish grin that sends your heart into a frenzy as you take in your slick smeared across his lips and chin. He pulls off his shirt before leaning down to kiss you. Tasting yourself on his tongue makes you moan, your fingers idly tracing the tattoo on the nape of his neck. Kostas rolls the both of you onto your side and makes quick work of his shorts and underwear. He slides a hand, palm up, between your legs and wraps it around the back of your thigh to pull you closer to him. You can’t help the giggle that bubbles up as he does so. Kostas grins back at you, wrapping your leg around his hip. You can feel his cock twitch where it is trapped between your bodies and it has you clenching around nothing. The breeze hits your skin and you can feel just how wet you are for him; it has you rolling your hips against him in anticipation and desperation. Kostas brushes his lips against yours, kissing you so tenderly as he guides his cock to where you need him most. He enters you so slowly, so agonisingly slow. The stretch has you panting, eyes closed as you almost lose yourself in the feeling of him. 

“So good.. Always so good..” he murmurs, forehead pressed against yours as he stills his movements. The weight of him inside of you is a familiar one, offering a closeness you’ve craved. During the season the two of you had to make do with stolen moments, but right now Kostas takes all the time in the world. 

His hand follows the planes of your body, reacquainting himself with every curve and birthmark across your skin. You can’t help but gently rock your hips against him, needing something to alleviate the ache between your legs. Kostas groans, fingers digging into your hip. 

“Need you.. Need you to move.. Kos..” you whisper. You feel him smile against your skin as he lavishes your neck with kisses. He slowly begins to move, setting a languid pace that allows you to feel each drag of his cock against your walls. 

“Fuck…” he moans when when you squeeze around him. 

“More…” you all but whimper. Kostas holds you against his body as he rolls you onto your back, hiking up the leg already around his hip. The change in position allows him to enter you even deeper, and your eyes flutter closed at the feeling. You wrap your arms around him, gasping and moaning as Kostas fucks into you with a tenderness that has you tearing up. He supports his weight with one hand, resting the other against your cheek.

“Look at me,” he whispers. You lick your lips, opening your eyes and trying to focus on his face but the pleasure you feel coiling low in your stomach makes it harder to do so. You let out a noise that’s part whimper, part moan as that coil keeps tightening.

“Kos-..”

“I know sweetheart, fuck.. Me too. I need you to cum for me,” he murmurs. You gasp at his request; it has you shuddering underneath him, coming undone in the most glorious of ways. Throwing your head back, your spine arches and your lips part with a silent scream as your orgasm hits you with such force, it knocks the air from your lungs. Kostas’ thrusts begin to falter and he stills inside of you, burying his face in your shoulder as he follows you over the edge. 

Every muscle in your body has turned to jelly and you sigh contently. Kostas chuckles and gently rolls the two of you back onto your side. You can feel him soften inside of you but neither of you want to leave this bubble just yet. Kostas brushes your hair back, kissing your forehead, your cheekbones, the tip of your nose, before settling on your lips. 

“I love you so much, Kos,” you mumble, snuggling into him and tucking your head against his chest.

“I love you more,” he whispers back, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You know you should probably get up, but you’re so sleepy and your Kostas is so warm. He keeps murmuring sweet nothings against your hair and you let yourself be lulled to sleep by it. In an hour or so, when you wake up, he will carry you inside and get you all cleaned up before cuddling you all night. And in the morning he will remind you just how much he loves and cherishes you. Whatever the future may hold, of this you are certain: you will face it together.

This was meant to be a flirty, sexy fic about Kostas reacquainting himself with his girl while on holiday, but apparently my brain decided to go down the heartbreak route. Why do I do this to myself?

A big thank you to @kostasstsimikass & @emilielfc for always feeding the fic brain rot and listening to me talk things through on discord, and @footballffbarbiex for being my beta reader. This fic wouldn't have seen the light of day without you three. @moneyymaseyy hope it lives up to the hype!

Please let me know what you think! Your comments mean the world to me

Please humour me, and thanks in advance for putting up with my rant.

I recently started a rewatch of twd to help pass the time while I wait for twd:dd in September, and this question keeps coming back to me.

How long has Daryl been in love with Carol, while she has no idea? What do you think?

I think from season 1, but he didn't really know it himself till the start of season five, where they reunited in the forest, and since then has either been too scared to do anything about it, too occupied by everything that has happened to the group in the years since to allow himself to feel/pursue it, or he's genuinely felt that he doesn't deserve her/she deserves better, OR all/combination of the above.

Carol, on the other hand, I think only realised the extent of her own feelings at the end of season 11. The looks they shared while Magna's group was crying over Luke (almost like they were so grateful that the other was still alive, and it could have so easily been one of them crying over the other's death), and then the looks again later when they were waiting for Judith to wake up after surgery, really tells me that in those moments they both realised something significant about how they feel for each other, and how a future isn't promised and that they could lose each other for good at any moment.

And don't get me started on their farewell scene because it broke my heart; once again, these two did the selfless thing and put others' safety and happiness over their own. They each decided to go on a journey to help/save someone else. The way Daryl looked back at her for one last time after getting on the bike was almost like he was hoping she'd tell him to stay.

In Judith's words, "You [Daryl] deserve a happy ending too"!!! and he'll only really come to believe this once it's too late and he's stuck across an ocean, trying to get back to them.

And my queen, Carol, will cross an ocean to find him; I'm gonna cry just thinking about it. I love them so much.

Let me know what you think. Am I being delusional? I want to know how someone else sees this.

I’m overdue for a rewatch myself, I just haven’t felt motivated lately. I think there are a lot of clues pointing to Daryl and Carol developing feelings for each other early on like you said, but they *both* needed time to sort it out for themselves. Grief kept piling on over the years, insecurities deepened, and while their love only grew, they both went through periods of believing they weren’t good enough for each other. I think Daryl overcame it in the last couple seasons, hence “I know where I’m supposed to be.” Hence, why Daryl’s alleged uncertainty in the spinoff makes zero sense.

To be completely honest, I hated their last scene(s) together. I hated that one of the most anticipated moments—exchanging I loves you’s—was used to distract the audience from what was really happening i.e. Daryl leaving Carol. I don’t think it was a selfish or a selfless choice on his part because I don’t think there was any emotional realism to it at all. He had a spinoff to get to 🤷🏻‍♀️😑 I do think Carol was trying to make it easier for Daryl to go, but that just exposes a much sadder truth which is—after 11 seasons and even a time jump of one year—Carol *still* hasn’t healed from her insecurities/trauma. She *still* thinks Daryl could be happier without her. In an EW interview, Melissa chose the song “Crazy” by Patsy Cline to represent the end of Carol’s story. That speaks volumes. There were a handful of characters TWD owed honorable endings and they butchered all of them, but Carol’s was the worst.

The point I’m getting to is no, you aren’t delusional. It’s just that the spinoff has *a lot* to make up for. Do I think it can? Based on what we know about S2, yes. Am I ready to give up my cynicism? No. Not yet, but I hope to soon 😵‍💫

july

pairing. hawks x reader

genre. angst

cw. dabi manga spoilers! infidelity

wc. -

an. there might be mistakes.

they all look at you with pity deep in their eyes. all of them do. no matter where you look, you‘ll feel their burning stares into your head as if you‘re being put at gun point.

could they just not look away? mind their own fucking business? they don‘t know what they‘re talking about. they‘re not you, nor are they in your relationship. they don‘t know what truly happened.

yet somehow, some feeling your stomach stirs. a voice in your head telling you to stop falling for false pretenses.

have you truly not learned your lesson? after the first warning you saw when they both walked into the party with their hands interlocked, and somehow the moment you went down to tie the laces of your shoe his feet were no longer within sight? or after that second major warning; when he packed days worth of clothes claiming he had a mission, only for you to find out there was no mission when you ask his trusty best friend?

oh, you‘re just hopeless. pitiful even.

there had been red flag after red flag with every passing second, yet you keep missing them. you must be blind to the colour red, because even after every single one of those red triangles with desperate exclamation points on them, screaming at your face, you still somehow manage to ignore them.

it‘s just sad how you still try, still force yourself to exert effort after effort even though you know he‘s not going to notice nor see. why do you try? still force yourself to suffer? since when have you become this desperate? is it because you still hold hope that this relationship can still be fixed? is it because you hope that even after all this he will realize what he‘s doing wrong? or is it because you can‘t accept the fact that he‘s doing so well without you? that even after everything you both endured together he suddenly throws you away, leaving you here to suffer.

either way. it seems to you, he can‘t seem to be held down. not by you.

you should have known from the start. you should’ve known from the very beginning, that keigo takami cannot be held down. he has wings for christ sake. his red wings that symbolize freedom and hope. he wasn’t meant to be tied down by the likes of you. not by someone who would just hold him by his feathers, someone who would grasp his wings, someone who would stop him from soaring the sky.

so you swallow all the pride you have left. swallow every last bit of self confidence you have and walk into his office as if you hadn‘t been warned by everyone out there. by every single hero that tried to hold you back, to stop you from entering the office that will only for sure show you the reason why the man you call your everything slowly become your nothing.

with a heavy heart and a shaky hand, you hold the golden wooden handle.

what are you waiting for? are you perhaps waiting for it to be all just a dream? that somehow, you‘d be shaken awake from this impossibly long nightmare and be awoken to his beautiful face? perhaps waiting for him to appear in-front of you, to beg for forgiveness and you‘d absolutely forgive him in a heartbeat because you still love him? or could it be because your heart has gotten so used to being with him that you‘re now awfully unsure to let him go?

"god," you shakily sigh, finally feeling the tears that are falling down your cheeks. "i can‘t do this." pitifully, you whisper. who are you kidding? you were never strong enough to do this to begin with. you were just fixed up with adrenaline. you‘re not ready. you can‘t. can‘t do this now. not ever.

however, you have to.

but then again, what if tomorrow promises a better day? what if tomorrow he finally admits to his wrongs and ask you for another chance? but you‘ve waited for every tomorrow, and after waiting, every tomorrow promises nothing but more misery.

"i don‘t know." you whisper, feeling goosebumps arise, as thoughts run around your head. uncertainty, insecurity, and self-pity fill you up. what possibly can you do or see if you ever walk in there and scream at him about his infidelity? would you see him beg, cry, laugh, smile, or even flee? you don‘t know, and a part of you is also saying it doesn‘t wish to know.

and as you stand there, waiting for an answer from your own mind, without your own knowing, the door opens before you, effectively causing you to stumble.

"oh god. i‘m sorr— oh.."

before you stands a woman. a beautiful one. her eyes glistening as if they hold the galaxy in them. hair silky and smooth, reminding you of a still river in the wild. her face is so symmetrical that it seems to make any plastic surgeon in this world envious.

"i—"

"lia? what‘s wrong?" lia. what a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. no wonder she also holds the heart of the man you love. no wonder she would be able to sweep him away. no wonder she makes you accept the fact that you would be no match against her, that you would never be enough for him.

"kei were you expecting anyone?"

oh. she doesn’t know.

this poor beautiful girl doesn‘t even know what mess she has stepped in. in your head, you wonder how long it will take her face to turn sour and ugly when she realizes what the man she loves is doing. or maybe, she does know and simply is playing dumb. either way, her reaction will hurt you in some way shape or form.

"no, love, i wasn‘t." his voice is so unsuspecting, it hurts. there‘s not even one thought in that head of his, had it had, maybe he would’ve asked a question instead of being so sure. his actions further prove the fact that he no longer loves you. he‘s merely keeping you for the familiarity.

familiarity. not even love.

"oh," she turns to you, looking at you up and down with her eyes before smiling sweetly. "are you perhaps lost? maybe i can help you find where you‘re supposed to be." her voice is sweet and nice like honey. you‘re hurt. hurt by her, by him, and most importantly by this searing burn in your heart. she‘s so perfect. so fucking perfect.

amidst the hurricane of thoughts in your head, there’s one thing you can figure out. she‘s everything you‘re not.

"no— i… i‘m fine." you try to keep your voice, afraid that he might hear you. you force a smile on your lips, nodding away and swallowing. "i— i‘m just—"

"(y/n)!"

the gods must hate you for sure.

if your cheating boyfriend, meeting his new girl, and seeing them interact wasn‘t enough, he decides to add someone into the brew.

your eyes widen, immediately turning and seeing the eyes of keigo‘s childhood friend, touya. his blue eyes are widening like saucers, hand extending quickly as he possibly can.

however, you hear another sound coming from inside the room.

"(y/n)…?"

a million thoughts run inside your head, and you hope that the speed of your running thoughts is as fast as keigo runs to you.

content belongs to @shisnhou on tumblr! do not repost, copy, use, or modify!

Since the poll was pretty obvious, I polished up a little snippet from the Tarlos scene in Chapter 4 of my Titanic AU - I hope you like it 😊

Thanks for tagging me, @heartstringsduet, @wtfuckevenknows, @ravens-words, and @bonheur-cafe 😘

There was a knock on the door and Carlos startled before raising his eyebrows. “More surprises after all?”

“That should be lunch,” TK replied easily, stepping over to the door while explaining, “I took the liberty to have them serve us up here.” Just before he opened the door though, TK stopped, hand already on the doorknob, looking back at Carlos with a sheepish smile. “Unless of course you would rather go back? I would understand if you have obligations or–”

“TK,” Carlos interrupted, touched by the shyness that showed through TK’s insecurity. “I would love to have lunch with you, thank you.”

TK’s smile was instant and it was filled with as much relief as there was delight. Opening the door, he made room for the server to enter and quickly set the table for two. Carlos stayed back, somewhat hoping he wouldn’t be noticed too clearly. TK may not realize that the staff in general was one big gossip mill. And they didn't need to add rumors of Tyler Kennedy Strand’s unusual lunch partner into the mix.

He was so preoccupied with his worry, Carlos completely missed the server leaving, not noticing it was just the two of them again until TK gestured towards one of the chairs.

“Please, sit.”

Carlos followed the request, looking down at all the delicacies spread out on the table, unable to suppress a little, “Wow.”

“I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will,” Carlos replied truthfully, his eyes still wandering. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Want some help?”

Looking up, Carlos lifted one eyebrow in question, maybe even in a challenge. “Are you asking if I need help navigating a first class lunch and all its etiquette?”

“What? No,” TK assured, looking truly shocked – only for his face to morph into that look of uncertainty once more. “Unless of course, you want that? I know you’ll basically be thrown to the wolves tonight, for which I’m really, truly sorry! I can give you a quick lesson, if you need–”

“TK,” Carlos once again calmed the man by simply saying his name. He had the urge to reach for his hand but kept himself in control. Still, he allowed a smile instead. “It will be fine, don’t worry. I assure you, I don’t need a lesson in etiquette.”

“Oh, yes. Good, good.”

TK seemed to let out a shaky breath before catching himself and sending a smile over the table.

“So,” Carlos began, bringing them back to their previous conversation. “What is it you were trying to say when you asked if I needed help?”

“Ah, yes,” TK replied, seeming to quickly get back on track. “Would you like me to tell you my favorites?” he asked, gesturing to the food littering the table. “That might be a good place to start considering all this lunch has to offer.”

Noxy's tagging list (please let me know if you wish to be added or taken off): @detective-giggles, @sgirl18, @shadesofdeviant, @lightningboltreader, @rmd-writes, @welcometololaland, @paperstorm, @actuallysara, @just-inside-her, @alidravana, @morganaspendragonss, @meditating-honey-badger, @chaotictarlos

Eleven’s Breakfast Jams isn’t pro-Melvin

Long post ahead: Just gonna lay out the notable songs on El’s playlist that have patterns of breaking up, bad/ill-fitting relationships, getting out/ wanting to get out of bad/ill-fitting relationships, dead love, faking, insecurity, uncertainty—I think that mainly covers it (also with intermingled Brenner significance for some).

1. Shut Up and Let Me Go, The Ting Tings (Pretty much this whole song is damning: “This hurts, I tell you so/ For the last time you will kiss my lips/ Now shut up and let me go” + “Now oh so easily you’re over me/ Gone is love/ It’s you that ought to be holding me/ I’m not containable/ This time love is not sustainable” + “I ain’t fakin’ this” + “This hurts what I can’t show… For the last time you have me in bits/ For fear of living in regret/ I’ve changed since from when we first met” + “It’s me that ought to be moving on/ You’re not adorable/ I want something un-ignorable”)

We’re off to a great start.

2. Revenge, Patti Smith (“Needed you, you withdrew/ I was so forsaken/ Ah, but now the tables have turned, my move/ I believe I'll be taking my revenge” + “Ah, the sands and hands of time have run out/ Run out, ah you better face it/ Ah, this thing’s run amok” + “For the ghosts of our love have dried, have died/ There’s no use faking it.” The whole song is ‘no BS, no-nonsense, I make the rules here.’ Very much “I dump your ass.” But there’s also the undeniable ‘dead love’ aspect too.)

3. Dog Days Are Over, Florence + The Machine (About a bad relationship being over. The phrase ‘dog days are over’ itself comes from an idiom that refers to the hot days between July and August—the end of a harsh period of time.)

4. Piece of My Heart, Janis Joplin (Directly from songfacts: about “a lovelorn woman so enraptured by her man that she's willing to break off yet another piece of her heart if only he will take it.” It doesn’t help that ‘lovelorn’ means to be unhappy because of unrequited love.)

5. Don’t Get Me Wrong, Pretenders (Again, songfacts: “this song describes the complexities of love from a female perspective - she’s inconsistent, but wonderful, and wants her lover to know that he shouldn’t get too worked up, because she could change quickly.” Basically, don’t get too excited because I could change my mind. Unstable grounds.)

6. Bulletproof, La Roux (About telling a past lover she is no longer interested in taking him back: “I’ve been there, done that, messed around/ I’m having fun, don’t put me down/ I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet/ I won’t let you in again” + “This time, baby, I’ll be bulletproof/ I won’t let you turn around/ And tell me now I’m much too proud/ To walk away from something when it's dead”)

7. Don’t, Larkin Poe (“Don’t, Honey, don’t bust down my door/ Tellin’ me what I should do/ You’ve been around time and again/ But you don’t give a damn about where I've been” + “Don’t try to lie/ Don’t try to tell me/ Don’t try to buy me/ Don’t try to sell me/ (No) I know what I am/ (Lie) I know what I need.” This resonates more so with El toward Brenner to me. But I couldn’t help but think of Mike’s and Brenner’s superhero comparisons—with Mike constantly telling her she is a superhero despite her not wanting that. And the lying part. Also would refer to El coming into her own and moving past lies and things she doesn’t want, knowing instead what she is and needs.)

8. You’re No Good, Linda Ronstadt (Songfacts: About a woman who comes to the conclusion that the guy she broke up with was trouble from the start, but, at the same time, realizes she has done bad things to him as well. Being toxic to each other.)

9. Head Over Heels, The Go-Go’s (More songfacts: Written by The Go-Go’s Kathy Valentine and Charlotte Caffey. Valentine describes this song as “one where I had a lot of phrases I’d written down, and they started connecting. Things like ‘One hand is reaching out, and one's just hanging on,’ and ‘Seems like my weaknesses just keep going strong’ were really about self reflecting and a dawning awareness that the band and certain areas of life were getting kind of out of control." Works as a self-awareness toward El’s relationship with Mike and realizing exactly what Brenner has put her through/ used her for.)

10. Dreams, Fleetwood Mac - Actually not songfacts, wow. Taken from storyofsong :

This is just a big Bruh moment, geez

11. Don’t Wanna Fight, Alabama Shakes (About seemingly endless fights that go on in a relationship filled with disagreements: “My life, your life/ Don’t cross them lines/ What you like, what I like/ Why can’t we both be right?/ Attacking, defending/ Until there’s nothing left worth winning”)

12. Let Me Go, HAIM (Whole song shows an unhealthy relationship that the couple has a hard time letting go of. The singer wants to be ‘set free’ from her lover and yet stay with him—because she feels like “nothing” without him. This one lyric pretty much sums up the most important takeaway of the song: “together we are not one/ We are nothing but holding on and on”)

13. Mind, Jack Ü (Mind games are being played, looks like one person is taking the relationship seriously and the other isn’t—another very unhealthy dynamic. The lyrics seem to suggest a repetitive desire to show the unserious person ‘how to love again’)

14. Cannonball, The Breeders (Songfacts: The Breeders’ Kim Deal says not to read into the song too much, but describes using the metaphor of a cannonball “to indicate a person who is reckless in love.” I mark this as an unhealthy relationship song for El simply because of the lyric “I’ll be your whatever you want.” That is a reckless thing to think in a relationship and it robs you of your sense of individuality. Reminds me of Max telling El she needs to try things on and see what feels like her. Not Hopper, not Mike, “You.” Ultimately doing herself a favor to begin being what she wants. This could also connect to her time with Brenner, being whatever he wanted her to be while he worked his father/daughter manipulation.)

15. Kept Me Crying, HAIM (specifically chose this one to cover here)

16. Stuck, The Aces (also covered this one here)

17. Jolene, Dolly Parton (It’s the insecure, begging tone of the song that gets me. You shouldn’t have to worry about your significant other leaving you for someone else. And I’m sure this is referring to when El saw Max with Mike in s2, but I have seen people talk/ joke about it being about Will. Imagine though, the lyric “He talks about you in his sleep” would be such a repressed Michael Wheeler slip-up because he definitely would not be dreaming of Max. BUT, I really don’t think El would respond to Will’s feelings in such a pleading way. Especially not at this point in the series. When she saw Mike with Max and knocked her off her skateboard, El was acting jealous and possessive. Fits better. Regardless, this is not a happy, secure love song.)

I’m not gonna stop laughing about Will as Jolene for awhile though

18. Holding Out For a Hero, Bonnie Tyler (Not a relationship song but I can still easily apply it to El and Mike: The song is like a requirement list for a man who needs to defy impossible standards. It’s reminiscent of El’s overly romanticized soap operas. El expected her relationship with Mike to be something it couldn’t be, because he cannot possibly be what she wants/ thinks she wants. Cannot help but laugh at the “I need a Superman to sweep me off my feet” lyric too.)

✨Bonus✨

Papa Don’t Preach. The ‘Daddy I love him song.’

“Daddy if you could only see

Just how good he’s been treating me

You’d give us your blessing right now

‘Cause we are in love”

lol Hopper would vomit

The scent of the Sea

Part 3

Jeremiah Fisher and OC Fanfiction

~While they both have something that distracts them, they just can't seem to stay away from one another.~

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Abuse

Preparations for the debutante ball became a part of Belly's and Em's days. Ettiquette training was annoying to Em, while Belly didn't seem fond of the dancing lessons. The shopping with Susannah, was fun for both of them, even though Em felt guilty to spend so much of her hard earned money for clothes. Clothes which she could only wear on rear occasions. Acting as if she was this put together, elegant lady made Em feel suprisingly insincere. And another thing bothered her, although her and Jeremiah parted ways amicably the night at the beach, she felt her thoughts linger on him. Seeing him playfully flirting with Belly or the other debutantes made her look away in displeasure. She knew she had no right to claim his attention, but she wanted to. And it made her avoid him all the more again.

Jeremiah felt her eyes on him. He knew she studied him, became used to it and enjoyed her attention as he walked in Belly to their lessons just dressed for his life guard job. But then again if he tried to lock their gazes, she avoided him. It drove him mad. They felt drawn to each other, and he waited for her to open up to him but it seemed as if whenever they took one step forward together, she took two steps back.

*Em wait up!*

He had caught her, all dressed up, sneaking away on high heels from her ettiquette lesson.

*Where are you off to?

*Just taking a walk.*

She looked anywhere but him again.

*I thought we moved past this already.*

Taken aback by his unusual direct approach she finally faced him.

*What is this?*

He rolled his eyes at her acting oblivious and she huffed, affronted by his rudeness.

*No please tell me Jeremiah, what is this?*

Pointing between them, she felt herself getting more and more heated up. Jeremiah did not plan to fight with Em, but he also felt tired of this uncertainty.

*With this I mean you avoiding me!*

*I am not avoiding you.*

*Oh at least be honest!*

*You want me to be honest?*

Jeremiah's temper was rising fast.

*I see the way you look at Belly. Why the fuck are you trying to start something with me?*

*You don't know what you are talking about. I'm not into Belly!*

Now it was his turn to put some distance between them. He couldn't hide his glare.

He denied.

*Yeah, of course not*

Her sarcastic tone edged him on.

*What's it to you anyway? You can't even look at me half the time.*

How wrong he was, she thought.

*Whatever.*

Frustrated mostly by herself she wanted to stalk away, to leave Jeremiah behind again. But now his hand reached out to her. Grabbing her wrist he stopped her.

*Stop running away everytime!*

Shaken up by their argument she ripped her arm out of his reach only to spin around on her heel.

*You know what, why are you stopping me? As if you are sure about any of this!*

Poking his chest with her finger, she again felt as if elevtricity ran through her, just by touching him. Catching her hand in his again, this time he did not let her pull away.

*Try me.*

His voice was low and she had never seen him act this determined, looking thing this serious before. Something in her snapped and before she knew it she had thrown herself on him. Pressing him against the nearest wall. Their kiss was fueled by pent up frustration, but mixed with something that ran deeper. Not just lust but a feeling more akin to desperation. Jeremiah wanted her, just for himself and felt unfamiliar with this posessive side in him. And Em, she forgot every worry, every insecurity that kept her from being honest with herself as she kissed him. She wanted him, every bit as much and it made her furious. Pushing herself away from him, her lips bruised, painfully aware of her inconsistend behaiviour she turned around choosing to go back to her lessons just to avoid any further escalation betwden her and Jeremiah. Rubbing his neck, tense from their fighting he realized how twisted their relationship was becoming.

The issue of who would accompany whom was making Em wish she never agreed to join the debutantes with Belly.

*Honey, who are you thinking of going with?*

Susannah asked for the second time, making Em feel sorry for being so distracted.

*Can't I just go alone?*

Steven snorted, earning Laurels dissaproving look.

*Or you could join me Steven.*

Phrasing it threatingly clearly meant as a joke, Jeremiah was nontheless trying to keep a straight face. The thought of Em on Steven's arm felt entirely wrong to him.

*While I wish I could, don't get me wrom Emmi, I've got a date already.*

His triumphant smirk made Belly knit her brows in annoyance and Em chuckle.

*Emmi? Sounds childish.*

Mumbling under his breath, Jeremiah knew it was everything but mature of him to let off steam with snide comments. Still, it helped to feel Em's eyes on him.

*Come on Em! What is up woth you two? You are both acting weird.*

Belly was the only one who heard Jeremiah's remark.

*I don't-*

*Wanne talk about it. Yeah I know.*

Belly sat on their bed, they were choosing fitting dressed for Laurel's book event.

*You know I support you, with whatever happens with you and him, but why does it seem like you are fighting?*

*We're not.*

*I'm just saying it's unusual for Jeremiah to get so sorked up, I think he really cares for you. And I know! You don't wanne talk, but listen- Maybe it would be good for you to get together with someone, who cares a bit.*

Their friendship was built fast, both headstrong girls appreaciated honesty, but Em had realized she could learn a lot from Belly. The way she could speak about her emotions was impressive to Em. Belly eyed her friend standing lost in thought and just took the initiative to hug her.

*It's alright, talk to me when you are ready.*

Patting her on the back and then stepping away to give her friend the room she needed, Belly didn't miss the tears that formed in Em's eyes.

*I'll try...*

Her voice so weak, it could br easily overheard, Em turned away from her friend under the pretense of comparing dresses.

The book event was over fast and while Belly had a date planned with Cam, Steven dragged Em with him to a house öarty in the neighbourhood.

It felt cheap to him, even in the moment. But seeing her at this party acting so distant again, he just had enough. He wanted to see if she truly cared, or maybe how much if she did, because she would just not admit it openly. They were taking shots and it was apparent that his fingers lingered on Adam's, who was giving out liquor glassed. Him and Adam had a fling last summer and hooked up whenever they felt like it, nothing serious really. It was a small gesture, obvious enough however. Her lips in a thin line Em took the shot and then stalked away, Jeremiah followed her next move attentively. Whatever he had wished for backfired. She started dancing in a crowd, getting close to some college student. Jeremiah felt regret wash over him. Driven by jealousy he only knew one way to break up the dancing without starting a fight. He grabbed Adam around his waist, giving him a wink as warning and then throwing him into the pool next to the dance floor.

*Pool party!*

Someone screamed while hurridly taking his clothes up hyping everyone up. Jeremiah was never so thankful for the euphoric properties of alcohol. He reached her before she could get to safety.

*No, don't you dare! Jer- I didn't bring my bi-*

Gone was the guy she had flirted with, already mingling with some other girl in the pool, Jeremiah held her close as he threw them both into the cold water. Em felt her breath hitch and whatever anger she had felt before died down as they held each other.

*Have I told you, that you are annoying?*

She asked eyeing him more playful than anything.

*Are you finally opening up?*

He squeezed her side trying to apoease any lingering ill feeling between them. They stared at each other, weirdly content in the middle of the bustle around them. Fuck it, Em thought and she pulled him towards him, ready to kiss him again. He stopped just short of her lips.

*Will you ignore me again after this?*

He was suprised at how abashedly she replied to him.

*I won't okay?*

Though he wasn't fully confinced, why would it be any diffrent after this kiss, he couldn't resist tasting her again. Without being aware of it, he had begun to crave her kisses just as much as he wished for her to finally open up to him.

I'm back. Fed my cats, watered my plants, took a shower, had dinner and then finally sat down and finished what I'd started. Mind blown tbh, might be one of my favorite one shots by you now. And listen, Daniel has never not been River in my mind, but your recent posts have rewired by brain chemistry a bit so I pictured him as Spader throughout the fic and let me tell ya, it was an out of body experience holy shit!!!! He might've awoken something in me 🥵 sorry River but you're gonna have to share now 🥵

"but then again, maybe the unnatural was the only place Daniel felt safe anymore. That by coming to love such an inhuman thing human experiences no longer cut it" That's my no. 1 boy!!! Coming to terms with his monsterfucking nature and embracing being unapologetically horny for the death guy, we love to see it.

“Yes, lover?” Armand murmured without putting the magazine down. Daniel rolled his eyes. He reached over and tilted the magazine down until he could see Armand’s face, stark white even in the warm glow of the lamp beside him.“ Can we talk without Cosmo in between us?” Daniel asked." Babies are learning to communicate! With words! Also it's extremely them to finally learn how to voice their needs via their sexual appetite/preferences lmao. The way you also fleshed out Armand's insecurities and uncertainty when it comes to Daniel and what really wants out of things was just lovely. "Yes, sometimes I'm more careful with you than you really know" 😭😭😭 he truly is just trying to navigate this relationship the best he can, he's just had a hard time with not letting his intrusive thoughts win, that's all.

“Oh. You took off your rings,” Daniel said. “You never do that.” Yeah this hit the spot, alright. Completely bare for the first time, fully in it for the experience. It's not just about Daniel getting what he wants now, not anymore.

"Daniel glanced between Armand’s hand and his face, his wide eyes, so dark they looked almost entirely black." full jungle cat mode, my favorite Armand mode. Blown asf pupils because he's that horny, the song of my people 🥹

"The thigh he’d just defiled, one he’d ruin further by coming on it", defiled!!!! at this point I was delirious lmaoo no coherent thoughts tbh just know that it just doesn't get better than this, in DA-verse.

“If there’s some kind of rules to this you better tell me now before I’m not able to stop,” Daniel managed to say between rough, messy kisses. He’d have felt ridiculous being so desperate his teeth clacked against Armand’s but he was too far gone to care." Also THIS. Daniel was beyond all logic here but he still had the decency to ask Armand for permission of some kind, he's so stupid in love and also the most ridiculous human, I love him so.

Life changing, this one. 15/10 no further notes xoxo DA

Dungeon anon I'm gonna cry haha You and desertfangs have been the only ones to make any comment on that fic at all and it feels so awful, but knowing you enjoyed it so much means a lot.

Also WELCOME to the wonderful world of Spader!Molloy, please see my masterpost I posted earlier and drool with me. His backlog of films is just so fucking perfect and his looks are incredible and ugh! I just love picturing him as Daniel.

That's my no. 1 boy!!! <- okay Daniel aside, are you a succession fan? haha Is this a kendall roy reference?

But yes! Making them communicate was the whole point! They're locked into this awful game of 'if I hint will you pick it up?' and 'i see your hint but i don't wanna ask what it means unless you can say it explicitly'. They have the ability to not use Armand's mind gift as a crutch they just gotta use it!

I love thinking about the opposite POV as I write and were that fic from Armand's POV it would be an entirely different story. Because what do you do if someone is saying in their mind 'yes I want this' but they're saying with their mouth 'no, I'm not into that' and then sometimes in their mind they're also like 'no I can't do that'? What do you do? It's so much pressure that I think he would retreat just like he did here.

I love Armand with his rings but I think there's so much intimacy in the idea of him taking them off. They're part of him, they're a symbol of the walls he has up and the defense mechanisms he hides behind, so any time I have him remove them around Daniel he's being the most honest.

Daniel was beyond all logic here but he still had the decency to ask Armand for permission of some kind, he's so stupid in love and also the most ridiculous human, I love him so. <- Exactly, he's always got the drive to get permission even when it's not needed! He loves being out of control. And I love him sloppy kissing, like full on messy teenage makeout mode and Armand being too into it to even tease him about it. They're both a mess!

Anyways I'm so happy you liked it because I don't think anyone else did haha Or they were all uncomfortable with saying so, I guess. I feel super defeated finally getting back on ao3 and getting crickets. But I love that you love it, I loved writing it.

ps- cats? Tell me more! Send pics if you can!

How to Operate in Prophetic Gifts in the Courts of Heaven

We all have prophetic abilities—especially if you are filled/baptized in the Holy Spirit.

These prophetic abilities can be of great help and benefit when operating in the Courts of Heaven. John 16:13 gives us insight into the Holy Spirit and His nature.

However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.

Notice that when He speaks, He speaks what another says and He tells us about things to come. This means the very nature of the Spirit of God is prophetic. If the Holy Spirit lives in us, then the prophetic nature of God is in us as well. I want to encourage you to stop saying you are not prophetic or don’t have prophetic abilities. Your voice and words work against you.

I remember being in another nation and praying with a group that was in great distress. Before we began to pray, I told them, “I do not see.” What I meant by this was I’m not a seer; therefore, don’t expect that of me. As I later considered what motivated me to say this, I saw that it was born of insecurities and uncertainties of who I was. Then after we had prayer and I had received some very significant revelation concerning their situation, they were commenting on how it helped them. I then began to make light of my abilities because I felt uncomfortable with the affirmation they were giving. At that moment, the Lord said to me, “Stop saying that!” I knew the Lord was correcting me. He began to convict and chasten me with my treatment of what was coming from Him. He showed me that I was devaluing His gifting in my life. He showed me that if this gifting was to grow, I needed to treat it as holy. My not treasuring what was from Him was an actual offense to Him. This is one of the ways we grieve the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 4:30 exhorts us to be careful to not hurt and offend the Spirit of God.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

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The word grieve in the Greek is lupeo. It means “to be in distress, heaviness, to make sorrowful.” This is what I was doing by diminishing the gifting of the Lord in me. Out of my insecurity and sense of inferiority, I was offending the Spirit of the Lord. I remember excusing myself and walking to another part of the room. I began to repent for my serious error. I promised the Lord I would not do this again. I would instead value and regard the giftings of God and seek to develop them. The result has been that I have increased in my prophetic abilities. It has greatly helped me in my function in the Courts of Heaven. It has allowed me to step out of the old and into the new.

For instance, delay has always been something that has sought to attach itself to me. I successfully dealt with it on a certain level, but it tried to reattach to me later on. There were a couple of opportunities that had been promised to me. However, actual occurrence had not happened. The history of delay in my life made me worry that they would not happen. I was in a hotel room and simply said to the Lord, “Is there something yet resisting me in the spirit world?”

Without hesitation, the Lord seemed to say, “Yes, there is.” The truth is that I could have dismissed this as my imagination and questioned whether it was really the Lord. However, I treated it instantly like it was. The result was the Lord started speaking to me. Just like we shared in the last chapter about Moses, my movement unlocked an encounter with God that brought tremendous breakthrough. As a result of my faith to embrace this whisper of the Lord, I then felt I heard the Lord say, “I need for you to say before Me what Moses said when Korah accused him.” As the Lord said this, I remembered that Moses in Numbers 16:15 renounced the idea that he had taken something from someone.

Then Moses was very angry, and said to the Lord, “Do not respect their offering. I have not taken one donkey from them, nor have I hurt one of them.”

I realized that there was an accusation in the Courts of Heaven against me that I had stolen something that belonged to someone else. I knew that I wasn’t guilty of this, yet somebody in the natural was speaking these things about me. The devil was taking their words of accusation and using it against me in the Courts of Heaven. These words were causing delay to occur in my life. I understood this from a prophetic standpoint. I then knew intuitively that if I said what the Lord told me to say, it would give God the legal right to look into the books of Heaven to verify what I was saying. There are all sorts of books in Heaven. This is why Daniel 7:10 tells us the Court is seated and the books, plural, are opened.

A fiery stream issued And came forth from before Him. A thousand thousands ministered to Him; ten thousand times ten thousand stood before Him. The court was seated, and the books were opened.

Everything is written down and recorded in the books of Heaven. The Jewish people believe that even our thoughts are writ- ten down. We know that our words are recorded. This is because according to Matthew 12:36-37 we will give an account for every idle word we have spoken.

But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

If we are to give an account in the day of judgment, then these words must be recorded somewhere! They are written in the books of Heaven. If words are recorded, then there must be books in Heaven that are recording everything concerning us and our activities.

I was aware that as I said what the Lord told me to say, it was granting God the right to investigate these books. The books revealed that I was not guilty of what was being said about me. This allowed the Lord to render a decision on my behalf. The words being spoken against me, accusing me of taking something that wasn’t mine, were now annulled. I felt a tremendous release as I prophetically walked through this process. I thought that maybe I had dealt with that which was causing a delay. I didn’t know that the prophetic process still had a necessary piece to be accomplished.

As I returned home the next day or so, I had a dream on that night. In my dream, Mary and I were standing before this very well-known minister. In the natural, I have no connection to this ministry. I’ve never supported them. I’ve never attended a meeting. I’ve only seen him on television a handful of times. In fact, I don’t even really enjoy his ministry. In the dream, however, as we were standing before his ministry, and we were deciding how much money we were going to give to his ministry. Mary said, “Let’s give $100.” I said in response, “No, let’s give $1,000.” This was the end of the dream. When I woke up, I knew immediately what I was supposed to be doing. I was supposed to give this ministry $1,000 so that the money would speak for me in the Courts. I had this knowing that the activity in the hotel room had silenced the voice against me in the Courts, but I needed something speaking for me also. This comes from my knowledge that money has a voice in the Courts of Heaven. Hebrews 7:8 is clear that our tithe speaks for us in the heavenly realm.

Here mortal men receive tithes, but there he receives them, of whom it is witnessed that he lives.

The writer of Hebrews is making a distinction concerning bringing tithes to the Levitical priesthood and the Melchizedek order. Jesus is our High Priest after the order of Melchizedek. Therefore, we honor His priesthood with our tithe. Notice that when we do this, there is a witness released on our behalf. The word witness is the Greek word matureo. This word means “to give testimony, to be a witness judicially.” Therefore, when we give our tithes, Jesus receives them as our High Priest. This tithe is releasing testimony that we believe He lives. This testimony connects us to His present-day life and activity on our behalf. We are told that Jesus is alive and interceding for us. When we bring our tithe, the witness on our behalf joins us to His present-day ministry for us. This is because your money has a voice/testimony in the Courts of Heaven. We also know this is true because of Matthew 5:23-26.

Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.

Jesus is clear that we are not to bring our offering if there are problems in our heart. This is because the wrong testimony coming from our offerings will result in judgments against us from the Courts of Heaven. The devil will take advantage of the words against us from our offering and build a case that is adverse to us. The result will be a decision against us that can result in us being thrown into prison. This is why we are told that we should make sure things are reconciled before bringing an offering. Otherwise, our offering will be tainted with a wrong witness. It will be speaking against us in the Courts of Heaven rather than for us.

Notice that we are then judged and end up in prison. This is all based on the testimony of our gift. The other scripture that is so powerful is Malachi 3:3-5. This scripture unveils the power of a right offering speaking for us and even the culture we are a part of.

He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver; He will purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, That they may offer to the Lord An offering in righteousness. “Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem will be pleasant to the Lord, As in the days of old, As in former years. And I will come near you for judgment; I will be a swift witness against sorcerers, against adulterers, against perjurers, against those who exploit wage earners and widows and orphans, and against those who turn away an alien— Because they do not fear Me,” says the Lord of hosts.

This portion of scripture is declaring the power of our offerings to bring testimony before the Lord. This testimony will cause God to judge that which is afflicting society. Our offerings are mighty witnesses in the Courts of Heaven. They not only speak on behalf of us but also on behalf of the culture we represent before the Lord. When this occurs, the testimony God needs to render righteous judgments is provided. When I bring my offering as a part of the House of Prayer, these offerings speak for our culture as well as for us as individuals. This is why God can render judgments against what is afflicting society based on the witness of our offerings before Him.

This is what I knew concerning the dream I had about bringing an offering to this high-profile ministry. I considered and thought about this dream all day after I had it. That night, Mary went to bed and I was still up. I started flipping through the television channels. As I turned the channels, I came upon this ministry that I had dreamed about. Only because of the dream did I turn to this channel. As I did, the main man and another guy were speaking. They were raising money. They were saying, “We are asking you to give $1,000. However, if you can’t do this, then give a tithe of that and give $100.” As I heard this, I thought, That’s my dream. That was all I needed. Any reluctance to sow $1,000 into this ministry was gone. I went to my computer, found this ministry, and sent the $1,000 to them immediately. It was 11 p.m. when I sent the money. I had fulfilled what I had been prophetically told to do.

The next morning at 10 p.m., my phone rang. It was the people I had been waiting on to get back with me. The end result was that things were arranged and I was given a worldwide influence that still exists to this day. As a result of listening and moving prophetically, I had operated in the Courts of Heaven. I had silenced the voices against me and released voices to speak for me. The result has been a wide open door to a great effect in the nations of the earth. God is faithful and true to His word. He will allow us to move with Him when we operate in the prophetic realms. It is not beyond us. We all have these abilities and giftings on some level. Start using them today.

Lord, I come before You as the Judge of all the earth. I thank You for the prophetic abilities You have granted me as a Spirit-filled believer. I receive the prophetic nature of the Holy Spirit who lives in me. I repent for any devaluing of the prophetic gifting in me, because it doesn’t “look” like that in someone else. I honor Your gifting in me. I treasure that which You have trusted me with. I purposely stir up these giftings. I ask that I might use these to function in the Courts of Heaven on a higher level. May this function move me from the old and into the new. I pay attention to the revelation You bring to me from these prophetic places. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

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The view

3:43 am, 10.09.2023

I have had insomnia for the past week almost at this point. I can't sleep and I don't know why. All I do is lay awake listening to music to help me feel a little less alone. Listening to this music makes me feel sad, but if I was engulfed in the sadness of the silence I think i'd go even more insane. Orginially it was rage and annoyance. I was confused but just annoyed. And then it turned into confusion and grief and insecurity. And now it has settled out to just be happy living in a delusion just to have that comfort back. i don't like myself and I don't like being alone right now because I am stuck, yet again. I'm not sure how I should feel. If I was completely detached I would completely remove myself and remove my mind.... but I can't. I am here stuck in this limbo of not knowing. Just psyching myself out late into the early morning by myself. Stuck in this void I've placed myself in. Having no one to tell anymore. Am I happy? Have i ever known what happiness was? or was happiness something I've always been looking for. No i don't think it is. happiness doesn't exist for me, because that is not how I have been programed. To be honest i don't care if i wasn't made for happiness, If i was made for a life of suffering so be it, as long as I am on the path I was meant to be in I shall be content. I don't know what this feeling is, if it is a feeling of sadness, longing, or simply a delusion. I don't know. I don't know how to feel or how to react. i think i am falling into this delusion so i don't go mad. Not having anyone, once again. No one. It's ok though, we are doing the best we can. I don't crave death anymore. I don't want it each night. I am just back to where I started which is just wondering why. Why to everything. Why to why am i the way I am, why am i here. ugh. I don't know what he's thinking and it's scaring me. I know that he's going to realize he doesn't want me anymore because I was never the girl for him. I don't know. He seems happier without me, like he's got a stable life. It was probably better if I wasn't ever in it because he just seems so happy with himself and his friends and everything around him. Like usual, i was always just meant to be a stepping stone in everyone's life. The people I want in my end game only use me for a pre-game before they hit their jackpot or until they just continue on their journey. Nobody's remmber's me. Not even me. So that's why i don't care about myself. Because nobody that I have let in has ever cared about me. They have only cared about themselves and therefore It must mean that I must mean nothing. Isn't that just logical. It would be illogical to assume that people care for me even though they leave me all the time. It doesn't matter if they are the issue or not because I will just become the issue to ruin everything because I don't know how to care for myself because it doesn't matter, I don't matter. to anyone because EVERYONE just leaves. Nobody cares like I need them to. Like I want them to. I don't need anybody, not even myself at this point. But i am still here, playing this silly little game for the kicks. Nobody cares about me. I just wish one day there would be a time where everyone who left me got together to greet me once again. To want to be with me and prove to me they want to be with me. I don't need any grand gestures in real life or anything, but just commitment and consistency, because that is all I have ever tried to give. And i don't care if everyone says "Oh it's just them, they are the ones with the issues, they don't deserve you" fuck that. People do what people want to do and I don't give a flying fuck. If people want to care for me they will care for me, but every fucking person in my life has fucking left and now I am stuck in this fucking limbo of not knowing and of uncertainty of whether I should submit my mind to complete delusion and try to find fake happiness or to just fucking give up. NOBODY IN MY LIFE HAS PROVEN ANYTHING TO ME. EVEN MYSELF. and when i try to prove something to myself, it is ALWAYS without fail fucking bad

I just want to love someone and have them love me back as much as I love them. I don't want them to deliberately hurt me anymore, I can't. I don't know anything anymore. Every single night its still the same fucking shit that I can't get over. Over and over and over again I am stuck in this cycle, and no one can pull me out of it. Not even myself, no one can even help me right now because no one is trying to help me. I don't know why I keep becoming weak. FUCK THIS SHIT. No body cared about me in the beginning and nobody is going to care about me in the end. No matter what happens I have to dellude myself into thinking everything is going to be ok. because that's what I've just gotta keep doing . Fuck this healing process, fuck these processes, fuck trying to be an interesting person because nobody gives a flying fuck about me. Not my friends, not my family. These mother fuckers only care when they need to care. Fuck everything. I just need one person, one singular fucking person that is right for me and knows it.... I thought I had that. But now I don't even know. My gut feeling is so confused, I can't go to sleep, I can't do anything. I'm obsessive and stupid and not interesting, not even my own boyfriend ever showed my that I was cool. Words don't mean anything to me at this point, I might as well be deaf. Only actions matter to me now, I can't. I just need help and reassurance, true reassurance and effort towards making me happy, after I've bent my ass backwards for everyone in my life. I just need one person. One. One person to never leave me, to never give up.

ok ok, so the idea for the hobbie... how about the reader having toxic friends who, when they meet hobbie, say he's "too much" for her? so, she would be super insecure, maybe they'd break up without explaining because of their pressure, but you know how hobbie is, she doesn't give him options other than him solving things the "hobbie way"

this happened to a friend of mine in the past, she was told that her boyfriend was "too cool" or that she was getting in his way, and I can't stop thinking how the hobbie would handle it

no need to write about it, it's just an idea... Oh, and could you add me to your hobbie taglist?? I would love to be able to follow then

╰┈➤ ❝ 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑 ❞ | 𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐄 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍

PROMPT: when your friends you've known for years decide to get together for the first time in months, they meet your boyfriend, hobie brown. the five of them are stunned when they first lay eyes on him, appearing polite, but when he leaves you’re bombarded with "advice" that starts the downward spiral of your and hobie's relationship. he however, won't let that happen.

WARNINGS: afab reader, angst, feelings of inadequacy, some british slang: adam and eve - believe, toxic friends, manipulative friends, insecurity, self consciousness, self hate, 3k wc

A/N: since we talked about this in pm you already know that i made changes to the original request. my god it took 3 weeks to write and even then i barely got it done on time. i kind of hate this but wtv i have to post it at this point

it's been eating at you for weeks. constantly your friend's words churn over in your head when you hang around hobie. you hide it. at least you try to keep your uneasiness at bay and push it to the back of your mind whenever he wraps an arm around your shoulder in public, or people's heads turn as you walk past. but it's maddening to have their words play in a vicious cycle, reminding you of what you'll never be for him, good enough.

last week, you took time off work to visit your friends who had made plans to see you. because of your jobs, you were spread across town, your daily lives separate from one another, which meant finding time together was a rare blessing. it was going well until hobie came to pick you up, and that's when it started. the side glances, the questioning looks they shot you, were unavoidable and only amplified when he came up to greet them.

each of them took him in, offering a polite greeting, their eyes narrowing when he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and quickly kissed your forehead, saying he'd meet you in the car. when he was out of earshot, they turned to you.

"that's your boyfriend?"

"you didn't tell us you were dating someone like him."

"i didn't think someone who looked so… you know… interesting and uh… attractive would date you. no offense, of course!"

"well, it's just that your, you."

condescending, judgmental, disdainful; that's all you heard. even after trying to laugh it off, saying that you got lucky, it didn't end there.

"he's just so much cooler than you."

he really was. hobie brown was so much better than you deserved, flawless in his looks, smug and assured without being overconfident, secure in himself but not narcissistic. he was perfect, so much so that you had a hard time believing he was real. thus it shouldn't have shaken you as it did when those words took root in your consciousness, sprouting and branching out into further uncertainty, spreading and infesting your mind until you end up where you are now. a tangled mess of doubt, trapped in a cycle of self-pity and blame.

those thoughts spiral over the next couple of weeks, to the point where even hobie has taken notice and pulled you aside time and time again to ask what was the matter. you find that lying to him has gotten easier, despite him managing to see right through you and the facade you hide behind. instead, he's taken up on coaxing you into the truth by offering more physical reassurance. his arms linger around you more, checking up on you with little brushes of his hand across your back, letting his kisses last longer, all of this while initiating these tender gestures.

it's a more than thoughtful expression, nearly bringing you to tears most nights when he whispers words of reassurance into your ear like you deserve to be held so tenderly.

in those moments, the self-deprecating thoughts become too much, and you feel yourself slowly slipping away from him, detaching, only clinging to the love you think you deserve.

you wish you could say that your thoughts were the only cause, but the more you saw your friends, the more their comments about your relationship would wear you down. sleep evades you most nights, caught up wondering about the future of your rapidly deteriorating relationship with hobie, so really, it should be no surprise when you come to the conclusion one night that you should break up.

by no stretch of the imagination do you want to, but it would be best for both of you, right? he could finally find someone who can give him all he deserves, the affection you lack, the love, the sex. someone who won't rely on the constant reassurance you seem to need, hold him back from his duty as spider-man, who's not a continual burden, a person that is, in all essence, everything you aren't. it's better this way. after wasting his time, he'll find someone he deserves. you're counting on it. besides, it's not like he would notice that you were gone or, more likely, care.

self-hatred fills your chest as you relive your relationship with hobie in your head, fueled by the new information and perspective that you were never going to mean what he meant to you. and that's precisely what you say in the note you leave on his kitchen counter before walking out the door, choking on your tears.

∘°∘♡∘°∘

hobie comes home that night to an empty apartment. it's quiet, too quiet for you to occupy it, and it's his first inkling that something's the matter. he calls out your name, peeking into various doorways curiously, hands shoved in his pockets. a minute passes and the crinkle between his eyebrows deepen as he spins aimlessly in place for any trace of you.

his senses prickle, pace stuttering when he feels something is amiss. hobie's observational stare flits around the room, taking care to search for disturbances, taking note of his untouched mess before his spine straightens, and it's then he realizes all your stuff is gone. the bra lying on the back of the couch is nowhere to be found, your small bag of belongings is missing from its corner in his room, and the jacket you claimed for yourself is hanging in his closet. it's his second indication that something isn't right.

hobie's lips purse into a frown, warning bells ringing in his mind as he peers back into his room and confirms that all your things are missing. dread pools in his stomach, and he's more frantic now, scouring for any trace of you, when he stumbles upon the note sitting on the kitchen counter. it's his third and final sign, and his fingers crumple the paper as he swipes it off the counter, his breath catching in his chest at the first two words.

i'm sorry.

he reads it and can almost imagine your voice reading it to him in the low timber you use when remorseful or insecure. it doesn't help that the more he reads, the more panic rises from the depths of his stomach, his face falling when your friends are mentioned. the alarm gripping him like a vice dissipates into raw, unbridled anger.

it becomes too much listening to you degrade yourself like this that he slams the writing down, his hand running over his face while stepping back. he paces in a circle, glaring at the sheet of paper, before snatching it again in a fury. by the end of the note, where you sign your name with an 'i love you,' a deep ache has furrowed its way into his chest that doesn't subside those coming seconds after reading.

he sets the letter down, his elbows resting on the counter as his head falls into his hands. he's conflicted, frustration clouding his thoughts at your friends, at how you let them get to you in such a way that could ruin the one good thing he's ever had. the other is mournful, deeply pained by the fact you believe such things about yourself when all he's ever shown you is how much you matter.

he picks up the message once more, examining the front and back, skimming the page, a deep frown edged into his lips. peering aimlessly, the reasons for your behavior over the past week begin to connect, and he curses himself when he realizes this, groaning as he slumps further against the counter. how had he not seen it? the way you would come home silently after being out with your friends, like your mere presence was an insult to him, taking as little space as possible, secluding yourself, and apologizing more. his blood boils as it all comes together.

he stares at his hands, which have unconsciously curled into a fist, and flexes his fingers. "fuck," he mumbles, breathing heavily. there's no way he's letting your relationship end, not like this. you still love him, that much is clear, and if you're going to let some narcissistic, pretentious twits ruin what you had, then he'll just have to change your mind. he's out of the apartment before he can think it through.

easier said than done, apparently, because he's been swinging around the city for the past half an hour. he has checked every place he can think of, from your apartment to your favorite hangout spots and food places. he's even visited your old bedroom at your parent's residence. there's nowhere else to be. he doubts you would leave town with your livelihood here. hotels are expensive, and you wouldn't have the money to sustain yourself at one for long unless, of course, you're staying the night with friends.

oh.

a fresh swell of resentment pulses through him, not at you, but that you would stay with those people and let them feed into the delusions they've created. moving swiftly, he hurries across buildings, emotional in every sense, flying through the city without care. it festers on his way there, and he's practically suffocating in it as he drops down in front of the place, pushing his hands into his pockets. with his enhanced senses, he can hear pockets of information leaking out, and he slows his steps, careful not to make noise. he strains his ears, picking up the low murmur of voices, yours among them. it's almost pathetic how his heart flutters at the sound of your voice but quickly drops when he starts piecing the conversation together.

"aww, don't cry. it's better this way." one of the girls coos, the faux sympathy in her voice grating on his ears.

"he's just too much for you. i'm sure you'll find someone better suited to you."

"yeah, hobie will find someone he deserves." he stands at the doorstep, speechless, your sniffles breaking his heart.

"you just weren't meant to be."

hobie's fist pounds at the door, hatred roaring so intensely he has to stifle it in an indifferent guise. who were they to assume such things about him? what kind of audacity must they possess to pray on your insecurities? he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, hiding his bared teeth behind disregard.

the conversation falls to a hush inside, slow footsteps treading their way to the door, a girl poking her head out. she's shocked by his appearance but quickly recovers by batting her eyelashes, looking at him up and down with an expression he's seen all too often, desire. hobie feels sick, so disgusted he clenches his fist, holding it to his side before it can collide with her face.

"where is she?" he doesn't bother with pleasantries, his gruff voice impatient, desperation underlining his words. she's clever, though, picking up on it as she bristles, trying to appear annoyed by his appearance.

"you know, you really shouldn't be here." her voice is whinier than he remembers. "not when you're the one who caused this."

"me? com' aut' of it now. it's you who caused this," hobie scoffs, scowling, leaning against the door frame. "now, i'm no' goin' to ask again. where is she?"

"you have a lot of nerve playing with her feelings like this when you can obviously do better." she taps a manicured hand over her crossed arms, raising an accusing eyebrow.

"an' you have a lot of fuckin' nerve assumin' shit abou' me when you don't know a damn thing," he spits aggressively, his face hardened and his eyes narrowing into slits. hobie's getting ready to barge in, attack her with insults to get you in his arms again, when he hears your sweet voice calling across the house.

"is everything ok?"

shoving past her, his thick boots vibrate across the floor, directed solely by his spider senses when he sees you for the first time since the breakup.

∘°∘♡∘°∘

your throat is uncomfortably tight with the previous tears you shed, gaping at hobie, whose disheveled appearance curls your lips into a frown. you're extended in the moment, caught in each other's gaze in a way that blurs your mind. your friends look between you two, the one who answered the door, setting a hand on his shoulder, nudging him toward it.

"it's time for you to leave." she gives you a remorseful pout, fingers digging into the bare skin of his shoulder to get him to leave. the pressure snaps him out of his daze, and he jerks his arm out of her grip, surging towards you. with just a step back, he pauses in his stead, his face contorting into one of betrayal, and your heart sinks.

"we need to talk." you can't help but think of how out of place he looks here, in the normalcy of abby's rented home.

"there's nothing to talk about."

"please," he implores desperately, eyes begging you to agree. you're trying to figure out his motive when you swallow your reservations and follow him out the door, your head tucked at your friend's disappointment. the cold air bites your skin, and you shiver as hobie shuts the door behind you.

his head jerks to one of the tallest buildings, the one he's brought you to before in question. you know what he means after so long of being with him. he wants a private spot, really the only place you can get privacy in this city, and you look back at the dwelling. hobie seems to read your mind, gently pulling your hand forward, a silent message to trust him, and you can't help yourself by doing exactly that.

hobie swings to the top of the building, setting you down next to the ledge. the breeze is fierce up here, your short sleeves unable to fight the goosebumps rising to your skin. looking out across the city and pulling your arms in to maintain the heat, you can almost forget about tonight just by watching the dazzling array of lights. that is until you feel warm leather draped over your shoulder, and you're suddenly pulled back into the present.

he takes a step back, avoiding you peering quizzically at him, turning his attention to the same lights he can't seem to find the same beauty in as you. clearing his throat, he sits down at the edge, inviting you to do the same, his face hopeful. you sit, leaving enough of a gap to steal the intimacy of the situation from the air.

"this isn't how a break up is supposed to work," you murmur, picking at the corners of your nails, avoiding his vision exploring the emotions you suppressed rising to the surface.

he scoffs, throwing his head back. "wasn" much ov a break up, more than you jus' leaving, luv."

your breathing hitches, and the guilt eating away at you worsens, hating how you can't even stand by your decision.

"an' by the way, wha' the hell was that note?" his nostrils flare, and you shrink further into yourself, pulling his jacket closer. "letting those pieces of shit you call friends talk to you like 'at. having 'em ruin our relationship."

"they didn't," you murmur lightly, your throat thick with emotion. "i did. they just told me the truth."

"the truth?" he clenches his fists so hard that his nails cut into his skin, downright appalled. his mind races faster than he can make sense of. "'that's wha' you adam and eve 'his is?"

your silence speaks louder than words, and his scoff rings in your ears, his head shaking in disbelief.

"what are you doing here, hobie?" you whisper, looking away. "why can't you stop using me?"

"using you?!" hobie's head swivels around, his breathing shallow and face contorting in outrage. "your friends 'ave you more fucked in the head than i thought if you seriously believe that shit."

"but they're right, hobie!" the words burst out of your mouth before you can stop them, whipping your head around to face him. "all you do is pretend to care even though you know you can do better!"

"shut up," hobie's lips curl in fury, pinching your chin to make you look at him. "shut the hell up with the self-deprecating bullshit they've manipulated you to think."

"why do you keep denying it?" your desperate voice shakes with emotion, now on the verge of tears. "i've come to terms with it. we just– we weren't meant for each other, hobie. why can't you understand that?!"

sniffling, you break away from his lax grip, holding the water building behind your eyes at bay as you try to compose yourself. hobie's stunned, words evading his skillful tongue by your confession. his chest is uncomfortably tight as seconds pass, the wind carrying the sounds of cars and late-night street life from below.

"i don't," he states firmly, clenching his jaw. "i've never 'hough' 'at way or given any indication i did. it doesn'' make sense when i know wha' i want."

you swallow, reaching through your struggle to put your intentions into words. "all i want is for you to be with someone who can give you everything."

"but i don't want everything. i want you."

time slows down to reveal the flawless details of hobie's pretty, dark skin framed by the city's lights encompassing the two of you. for a moment, you pause, blood pounding in your ears. registering his words takes longer than you would like to admit, but the tears have already started falling, and hobie's enveloped you in his arms tightly before you can blink them away. he sways, his embrace suffocating, and it's all you need to cry into his shirt. desperately and utterly, you sob, each pent-up emotion spilling out in waves of crying. he holds you through all of them, his gentle but deep voice rumbling in your ear all the while.

"i'm sorry." you cry in his shirt, the fabric muffling your voice. "i'm sorry to make you do this."

he shushes you in an instant, his lilting cockney accent soothing. "don't do that."

"i don't deserve you." the hoarseness in your quivering tone does not go unnoticed as you sink deeper into his embrace. he holds you close to his chest, tapping your thigh to encourage you to move onto his lap, which you do, your face still tucked into the crook of his neck.

"hey…hey, look at me 'ere sweet'eart." hobie taps your jaw, and when your head moves, he ushers your chin up gently. "none of that nonsense, alright?"

he waits for some kind of acknowledgement, nudging your chin. "alright?" a nod is all you can give, swallowing back the tears that prick your eyes.

"listen 'ere, luv. their opinions mean jack shit, got it? they don'' have a clue 'bout us. just a bunch of presumptuous asses, right?"

you turn your head down, lip caught between your teeth debatingly.

"but–"

"no buts. those cunts think they know everything, and that's where they get ya. only you're better than 'em, huh? we don't conform to other people's elitist beliefs, isn't that right?"

you chuckle lightly, sniffling while the weight on your shoulders you've been carrying for weeks begins to lift.

"i wanna hear you say it, sweetheart. their opinions mean jack shit." he reaffirms.

taking a deep breath, the anguish that's been wearing away at you, the insecurity and doubts flicker like a dying flame, and releasing the breath extinguishes it in seconds. "their opinions mean jack shit."

"there's, my girl!" hobie exclaims, and he pulls you into his side for a hug, which you quickly reciprocate. "i knew you 'ad it in you. you're perfect, ya know that? absolutely perfect in every way possible, luv. though ya do need be''er friends."

laughing, you wipe away any lingering tears, settling into his hold with an agreeing hum.

"does 'at mean you're mine again?" he whispers into your hair, and when you nod in agreement, your chin still tucked into his chest, his pierced lips pulling into an ear-splitting grin you recognize as boyish.

TAGLIST: @alicefallsintotherabbithole

"that's wha' i like to hear."

I need some advice. I recently was broken up with and I'm reeling from it. We met when i was 19 and he was 32 and we ended up hooking up 6 years ago. He didn't tell me until after we hooked up that he had a wife which started a crazy feud, but he eventually divorced his wife and convinced me to be in a relationship with him. The relationship was pretty rocky at first because he was very emotionally abusive. Like he would constantly reprimand me for doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong thing and would lecture me for hours and not let me sleep until I agreed with him. I used to live with him sometimes because my mom got evicted and i couldn't hold down a stable job because I had an untreated learning disability and he would pick fights with me every day when I would say/ do the wrong thing and sometimes he would even kick me out.

While he did all this its v confusing bc he was also very good to me at the same time?? He helped me out when I was evicted and let me live rent free with him. He helped me get my diagnosis and helped me look for a job. He helped me get over some of my insecurities and would urge me to go to therapy and helped me get my driver's license. The last 2 years he started becoming more spiritual and became a lot nicer to me (He would still reprimand me but not as often) and urged me to do yoga and meditation. He started getting serious and during that time he was throwing ideas around of leaving everything behind and going to a yoga center etc. I was so drained atp from the constant mistreatment and feeling like I wasn't a priority so I went outside the relationship to explore my options. i met a guy that I was going to meet for dinner and just talk to, but I was drugged and assaulted. I felt so guilty that I told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. This was a year ago. Since then, we've been on and off because he would come back but couldn't commit because he couldnt trust me. Early this year he moved to a different state and he reached out to me to ask if I wanted to visit him out there in the summer. I was cautious but I agreed because I missed him. We started calling and texting every day and he started hinting that he wanted a relationship with me again. I started catching feelings again and was grateful for the opportunity to make things right because I fucked up. I bought the plane tickets and two days after I bought them he told me that he was getting women flirting with him out there and that he wanted to explore his options. I was so upset and I asked him why we couldnt work things out, he told me he still couldnt trust me after what happened. He told me it's best if I get a refund on the tix and just stay home. I felt so crushed, I felt like I was lead on and I feel so ashamed and guilty over what I did. The worst part is I felt like I ruined everything and it's my fault that the relationship ended the way it did. What do I do???? I have no friends and no one to talk to.

sorry for short and perhaps underwhelming answer but the best option for you is to break up immediately and begin to heal and move on with your life. ghost him cold turkey. block him on absolutely everything and do not respond to any attempts he makes to reconnect if he ever finds a way. your relationship with him in the past has been full of pain and uncertainty and that’s exactly what your future also holds. im so sorry that happened to you on your date and the fact he is focused on himself being hurt by you going on a date and continuing to fuck you around instead of supporting you through that traumatic event even though you were assaulted tells to his character especially considering he literally cheated on his wife and lied to both of you about it. please message me on or off anon if you need to talk about anything at all. best of luck xx

I went to the book club again on Tuesday and Acacia was there. After the meeting I tried to follow her, but as soon as we got outside, she darted across the street and slipped into a hole in the wall of an apartment building. So much for that. I asked Sarah, the librarian, if she knew anything about Pat and what happened to him. She remembers their interview for that article 2 years ago but she isn't sure what happened to him. She heard he was seen wandering around town the day he disappeared, holding a bundle of papers and looking scared. During the interview, he was friendly and in a good mood but he looked exhausted and would jump at any little noise he heard. If his neighbors were anything like mine, I'm not surprised.

After we left the library Aiden and I went for a walk. He's really easy to talk to. We started telling each other about ourselves and we ended up getting into some really personal stuff. Stuff I've never told anyone about, my insecurities and uncertainties about the future, disappointing my parents, finding something fulfilling to do with my life. He shares a lot of my worries. He's my age, went to trade school and has been working as a mechanic for a couple years now. It's hard being gay in that environment, with so much pressure to be masculine. I grew up in a family of boys and had to navigate my whole gender journey through that, so I get it. Us queers have to stick together. We each went home after that and we've been texting each other memes all week.

I visited a few bars for my article and interviewed the owners after a little training with Bob. Watching him do it I thought I could never interview someone, but it's coming kind of naturally. It probably helps that I'm offering these guys free publicity for their businesses. The people of this town can have rough exteriors, but they're sweet once they warm up to you. Although I'm nervous about putting my work out there, I have to admit I'm getting excited to write this thing. One of the places I visited is Ellicott's Inn, the town's oldest building. It's said to be haunted (like every old building) and they hold seances every month. I'm tempted, but they happen at 3 am and I'm already barely sleeping. It could be fun, though. Maybe one of the ghosts would let me interview them.