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zukadiary · 2 months

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Kazuki Sora taidan diary 〜 2024.2.11

(also kind of a Boiled Doyle on the Toil Trail / Frozen Holiday write up)

I've now woken up eight times in a world where Kazuka Sora is an OG (changing that number daily, as I've been trying to write this for six days), and the sense of having somehow slipped into a severely incorrect timeline is getting progressively stronger. Coupled bizarrely with that is deep, deep gratitude that, despite everything that's happened in the last four years, and especially in the last five months, she got a gut-wrenchingly, absolutely devastatingly beautiful taidan. I can't say perfect, because perfect would have been after a well deserved top star run. But barring that, I never dreamed it would get this close.

Long post incoming.

I have to set the stage...

Once upon a time in 2013, Asaka Manato, then nibante in Ouki Kaname's Soragumi, got her turn starring in Brilliant Dreams +NEXT, a multi-part Sky Stage series where you got to like, do some stuff of your choice with other people in your troupe. She decided to recreate some of her favorite revue choreography, and a friend alerted me that one episode was dedicated to the infamous Rosso scene from Takarazuka's Dream Kingdom (which, as you can see in the linked post, completely short circuited noob me from a decade ago). Maasama was still a good 2+ years from winning me over at the time, and I think I reluctantly watched it with some level of offense that she touched a Komu thing. As I'm sitting in front of my computer rolling my eyes, out comes this tiny thing in capri pants, mismatched socks, suspenders, and thick glasses: ken-4 Kazuki Sora, here to report on the situation in the rehearsal room.

She spent her airtime cracking jokes, tripping on her tongue, riding on Susshi's shoulders, and generally acting like Soragumi's annoying kid brother. I thought she was funny.

Another friend told me she thought she was tracked. I absolutely did not believe her.

Then, against a fair amount of adversity, she got the 100th anniversary Rose of Versailles shinko lead, and my eyes widened a bit. The next time I found myself in Japan, I was gifted a 9th row seat to what coincidentally happened to be her first ginkyou crossing in PHOENIX Takarazuka! I'd been spending the show curiously scanning the stage for her, and when I witnessed the gap between reporter and performer, my jaw hit the floor.

Afterwards, my kangeki companion asked if I was interested in anyone in the troupe. I said Kazuki Sora. She recoiled and said "but she's so short."

***

Something that I noticed during this taidan trip is that covid-era fans met a wildly different Sora than I know. Growing up in 2010s Soragumi was uniquely rough. I'm not even talking about ::hand waves:: the present circumstances and what may or may not have lead up to them; I mean they persisted with a level of star saturation through the dawn of the pandemic that had kinda crazy consequences for the otokoyaku track. Not only was the track itself overcrowded, but the troupe also held onto a number of non-tracked upperclassmen to whom they seemed unwaveringly committed to casting in juicy roles. I remember when things seemed so untenable that Soragumi fans were universally on pins and needles waiting for what felt like an inevitable big transfer out, and I remember freezing in shock on the side of the road when instead they transferred Serika Toa in.

Here's some analysis for perspective:

Kiki is the third oldest top of all time, and spent more time as nibante alone than Tamaki Ryou took to get from debut to top.

Lord knows how long Soragumi will be in this state of flux, but if they come out of it and Kiki gets a normal number of shows, AND Sakuragi Minato is next, Zun could immediately overtake Kiki for third place

Speaking of Zun, her first two-city lead was in 2020. Looking at her top star douki, Rei Makoto's and Yuzuka Rei's were in 2017, and Tsukishiro Kanato's was in 2018.

Rukaze Hikaru's first bow lead was in 2019, two years later than her other tracked douki, Akatsuki Chisei (four if you count A-EN).

Slightly more invisible but just as devastating, the lessened exposure on stage between leads has likely resulted in lower fan club numbers and less overall popularity.

...and back to Sora. Hundreds of us filled Hibiya Park this past weekend, but Sora spent her early Takarazuka career so buried that, despite being a triple threat on stage and an utter delight off, her fan base was small enough that at ken-7 they let me, not yet even a club member, accompany my friend to demachi where I became the third attendee. For years, Sora was, frustratingly, an in-person only watch. I'd go to Japan, memorize her positions, miss the rest of the show for following her with my opera glasses, and pop in the DVD at home only to find her always just off screen. A Motion was one of the most fun times I've had in a Takarazuka theater, and on the DVD during my favorite Sora SOLO, the camera is on Sorahane Riku wordlessly dancing.

I was floored when she got Anita. I was livid that she could give THAT PERFORMANCE and immediately afterwards be cast as an ensemble soldier in Red River (although she was so good in Citrus Breeze that after 5 years of deluding myself that I "couldn't betray my beloved Yukigumi like that" ((ironic, right?)) I finally caved and joined club). I stress dreamed multiple times about the impending bow announcement before she got Hustle Mates. I cried when she finally came down the stairs between two musumeyaku in Ocean's Eleven at ken-10, in which she played Linus, a role that felt like a big break even though it had previously always gone to ken-6s. FINALLY, the massive Ocean's taidan relieved a little pressure, and I felt a tangible thrill when suddenly she was all over the Aqua Vitae shonichi digest, something that had never happened before.

That's where we left off in February 2020, when the Diamond Princess docked in Yokohama, and my therapist didn't know what I was talking about when I said I was giving myself a stomachache watching live case numbers ahead of my scheduled trip, and I canceled my flight, and I put my freshly printed pack of homemade Suleiman postcards under my bed, and I didn't see her for 4 years 4 months and 3 days.

***

It's hard to talk about Sora's taidan announcement and not come off as biased and overly dramatic, given that she's my girl. But in 11 years of countless taidan announcements, I've never come close to being as blindsided by one as I was with hers. The vibe I've gotten is that fans, siennes, and patrons alike were all properly shocked.

I'd spent the better part of a decade internally screaming for Takarazuka to act like they recognize her undeniable talent. Frustratingly, it finally started happening during covid. While I was living under the impression that Hustle Mates was a genuine miracle, she got an unimaginable second lead... then, thanks to the breathing room in her new Yukigumi home, a third... and then a fourth. Having been burned for so long, I've always firmly been team I-don't-think-Sora-is-going-to-make-top, but despite that, I was actually starting to believe it could—dare I say would—happen. I wasn't even certain the people murmuring on twitter that she might leapfrog Aasa were completely delusional. I went into Hyperbolic Chart, my looooong awaited reunion, excited to assess Kasumi Sana as her potential future partner. I enthusiastically bought all her postcards for future writing, because the last time I'd seen her, she, at ken-10, didn't have postcards.

Two days after that I found myself again frozen in shock on the side of the road.

Two days after that.... yeah.

***

Somehow, despite 11 years of knowing how this works, of weathering various taidans with friends, of crying in bathrooms until they started cleaning the theater at taidans that weren't even technically mine, I was also completely blindsided by the taidan experience itself.

Part of it was definitely the time skip, from years of intimate Sora fandom to nothing to a couple of A-seki (she's the it girl now!) for a lead I wouldn't have chosen with a troupe I barely recognize anymore to bye, she's gone. Part of it was being thrown back into this after 4+ years of pandemic-dulled emotions, followed by the exhaustion of Takarazuka's crisis era. Part of it was lowered expectations from the largely uninspired and under funded lineup of forgettable shows churned out by tired directors of dubious morality. Part of it was the disaster-shortened Mura run, the self-preserving dissociation fueled by the pain and disbelief that there was a dinner show and I wasn't at it, followed by a month and a half stretch of work so busy it was still going while I sat at the ANA gate for my 1am flight.

But I got here and squeezed into one of those red seats and then all at once I was an unsealed vacuum, cracked wide open, and Doyle and Frozen Holiday rushed in and filled the airless void till it burst.

Boiled Doyle on the Toil Trail

I've been down on Yukigumi.

Yukigumi has been my home troupe for the vast majority of my fandom. I had the fancy Swarovski crystal Yukigumi bag charms, the whole Yukigumi getup from Sports Day '14, Yukigumi albums, Yukigumi chopsticks, etc etc etc. I literally didn't join Sora club for years because I couldn't imagine being pulled out of Yukigumi. But while I was locked out of the country, the march of time took my favorite top star and the vast majority of my emotional support upperclassmen. The pandemic spit Yukigumi out in a state that just made me reeeeeeeeally sad. So I stopped watching them. That's the exact moment they picked to put Sora there.

I hate to admit it, but I still haven't totally caught up on her Yukigumi time.

Which is probably the main reason this show caught me SO off guard... even having watched AND enjoyed the Mura livestream. Sora is best watched in person, after all.

Doyle—a silly take on Arthur Conan Doyle's life, and how he used a magic pen to write Sherlock Holmes by accident, thus setting into motion a runaway series of events—is not only a fun and joyful show, it's a masterpiece of casting. The top 4 were at their absolute peak, and it was a thrill to watch.

I've been watching Ayakaze Sakina since her shinjin kouen days, and my write-ups over the years probably betray my rollercoaster hot and cold journey through her career. I really liked Doyle as a lead for her though. She essentially plays a big idiot wifeguy with a dream, an imaginary best friend, and little conviction; she was very funny and charming. If you were one of the lucky few who managed to see On the 20th Century, think that guy but earnestly the main character vs. dude with main character syndrome. The older I get, the more I have a soft spot for shows where the top combi has "ecstatically celebrating at least their tenth wedding anniversary" energy, and this was one of those.

...Thanks in large part to Yumeshiro Aya, who is absolutely everything. She may be boosted by consistently reminding me of Shirahane Yuri since her partial lead in the 103s Bunkasai, but she also has a very particular type of girlboss energy that I don't feel like I've seen in quite a while. It isn't wearing the proverbial pants energy (a la early TamaChapi), but it is overwhelming I got this energy. I find her to be the absolute embodiment of a top musumeyaku, in that she understands the assignment (making the top star better), while perching on the edge of the backseat just enough that she doesn't overpower Saki, but she's still a knockout in her own right. She probably exudes an extra dose of this energy as Louisa Doyle, who plays a very similar role in her husband's life and writing career. I could not be more thrilled that Aya isn't retiring yet.

Asami Jun plays the aforementioned imaginary friend/magic pen-generated apparition, who happens to be Sherlock Holmes. Some people I've talked to seem a little disappointed in her stage time, but I really felt like this was also peak Aasa. She seems to have broken through a layer of ceiling and gotten really comfortable leaning into her c***y unique energy, which, though I can picture it being polarizing, really does it for me. I sure as hell have never seen an interpretation of Sherlock Holmes REMOTELY like Aasa's, but I was enjoying the Aasa of it all so much that I really didn't care.

When I saw that Sora was playing the editor of Strand Magazine, I was somewhat disappointedly imagining a role like Lestrade (not to invoke another Sherlock), the sort of there-but-not character that has dominated her Takarazuka career since she started getting named roles. My first surprise was how good of a role this was in general, and then how well suited it was to her. She gets to be aloof and handsome, but also incredibly upbeat and funny at times. Her little coworkers at her utterly failing magazine are obsessed with her (which is the mood of the century), and there is a cute little meta moment where Doyle threatens to stop writing Sherlock and Sora tries to quit her job, only to be restrained physically by said coworkers (which is the mood of the moment). Everything from the set of her off-gray permed wig to her 4 or so different plaid suits to her opening solo number was absolutely perfect (not as perfect as it was gonna be later!!!!!).

FROZEN HOLIDAY

It's weird watching a Christmas show in February

I rapidly stopped caring

Speaking of rollercoasters of hot and cold, Noguchi used to be my most hated revue director, hands down. Circa 2017-18, after being deeply personally burned by Super Voyager (and deeply personally confused by Beautiful Garden), the tension I felt while awaiting show announcements hoping I wouldn't have to watch another Noguchi was intense. Noguchi revues being something people covet nowadays still feels unfamiliar, but I count myself among people.

He turned it around for me with the Takarazuka equivalent of winning the grocery store ingredients episode of Project Runway: Delicieux, a covid-budget masterpiece of public domain music and foam macarons (incidentally, also a goodbye to Sora of sorts, as it was her last Soragumi revue). I officially owe him my life after what he did for her in Frozen Holiday.

Firstly, going into my 11th year of watching live Yukigumi, I've never seen Saki shine brighter. While ostensibly a Christmas spectacular, Frozen Holiday was also meant to celebrate Yukigumi's 100th anniversary. Despite the aforementioned rollercoaster, I'm so glad that the top star for the anniversary was someone who has not spent a day outside of Yukigumi in her sienne life, who I've been watching since before my first trip to Japan. And I think the joy of it really showed on her. Aya was an angel, so visually perfect in her snow queen dress that I believed she was destined to be top musumeyaku of Yukigumi from birth. Aasa continued to out-Aasa herself; the wave of feral energy she set off during the first livestream was well earned.

But... remember the disembodied arm just off the TV screen? The utter SHOCK I experienced when they treated her like a friggin' nibante...

Nanami Hiroki, who pulled top star numbers and probably had double our last day crowd at her average Hoshigumi ochakai, and Miya Rurika, who needed a simulcast for her last ochakai, didn't even get the final revue treatment that Sora did.

The disbelief that they did so good by her, the disbelief that I missed the transition, the disbelief that she was really leaving, shattered me.

In addition to general prominence throughout the revue, she gets a whole white-clad taidan number, complete with lyrics designed to blind her fans with saltwater, and one of the best bits of dancing I've seen out of her. After a seemingly impossible quick change, she rejoins the troupe for a very chuuzume-esque anniversary number (assuming the Christmas kyakusekiori is the real chuuzume), and that might actually be my favorite bit of dancing in the whole show. She co-leads the Noguchi-signature boyband number with Aasa, which I forgive because it's them and it's also T.M. REVOLUTION. She even gets a spotlight moment alone with Saki during the kuroenbi. And through all of it, she was so, so good. Good does not even begin to describe Kazuki Sora.

I felt like I cried for 48 hours straight.

***

I didn't manage to get myself actually into the theater for senshuuraku, but I did end up with two Hibiya cinema tickets. When I tried to pass one off onto one of the fellow jilted Sora Club members trying her luck outside of Chanter, I got pounced on by an old lady while those in their white wear were moaning about the cinema not being good enough. I was too tired and nervous to tell her I'd prefer to sit next to someone in club, so she got it. She and I ended up crying the hardest of everyone in the cinema by far. Thanks, old lady <3.

***

One thing that struck me was how desperately, frightfully grateful I was that Sora retired from Yukigumi. Sure, if she hadn't, her taidan would have probably just been canceled... but I don't even mean that. The anniversary aspect of Frozen Holiday was beautiful, and filled me with a joy and nostalgia I wasn't prepared for. It was my first kyakusekiori since 2019, and after Sora ran by me, I was blessed to find myself next to Kujou Asu, someone I adore enough to be in her club in an alternate universe. It was my first iride since 2019, and I had the privilege of seeing off one of my favorite musumeyaku, Sara Anna, as well. The way the troupe members talked about Sora, and what she gave them, and how thrilled they were that she joined them, made my heart swell. As genuinely mad as I was when they broke up KikiSora, I could see that Yukigumi gave her the space to blossom.

The farewell dinner was even entirely gluten free by complete accident, down to the fancy manju omiyage with mountain yam flour dough.

***

Five onsen dips, a massive weeb shopping spree a lifetime in the making, and one extremely bizarre Komu show later, I'm on the plane home, finally not crying on command.

But not having a runaway fave for the first time in ten years feels really desolate. I miss her so much.

#takarazuka #reviews #Boiled Doyle on the toil trail #Kazuki Sora #taidan 24

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useless19 · 5 months

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I was kinda hoping for a junior birthday edition of days, i loved junior in this series? I thought you were hinting twards it to. Did you have ideas or was it just a way to reasure bowser that luigi would be back?

So was I! I made a space for it in my drafts doc and everything, but I couldn't figure out enough of a plot to hang it together. It might've been because by that point I was starting to wind down my writing in Days with an aim to finish the series off, or it could have been because it would've required a fairly heavy narrative switch and I was already struggling with Bowser's pov for Day 16.

Or it could've been that I didn't want to have to figure out what a spoilt 8-year-old Koopa prince's birthday presents were going to be!

It's Junior's birthday, so it's going to be the most coolest awesomest day of the entire year! -the planned summary

Like King Boo, I left myself the option of writing Junior's birthday just in case. I've honestly found this to be pretty useful for constructing the series as a whole. Things happen that the narrative doesn't show (Luigi thinks about taking Junior Lava Bubble fishing one time, but we never see that), and allowing myself the freedom of not having to write it meant that I managed to finish more other parts than I ever thought I would when starting.

Still, I know roughly where the characters are at on Day 51 (aka Junior's birthday), so let's have a look at them, shall we?

Luigi extends his visit so he leaves the day after Junior's birthday. It's much easier for him to agree to stay longer than it is for him to commit to a longer stay before he arrives. He gets comfortable where he is. He spent the previous day making sure Junior knew he was going to leave after his birthday so that he wouldn't have to keep reminding Junior on his birthday and bring the mood down. Luigi likes a good party and he doesn't have to be the centre of attention, so he has a great time.

Bowser likes a party even more than Luigi and his son is growing up so well. He's way more tolerant of destructive antics than most parents too (he's got minions to deal with mess and rebuilding). He also starts to realise some of Luigi's problems when it comes to visiting; ie that he's very suggestible. It's not an entirely conscious observation, but he's less worried when Luigi leaves and spends more than a week away, despite saying that he was only going for a week. There's always going to be some lag. Email updates help (even if the first one is from a long-suffering Mario).

(If anyone other than me did the maths and figured out that Luigi wouldn't actually be at Bowser's castle for Day 69, assuming a consistent week-in-the-Mushroom-Kingdom/week-in-Bowser's-castle, this is why. It's always a bit more than a week-long visit).

And, of course, Junior. He's more resilient than Bowser in the being abandoned department, though he's still a bratty kid who's used to having his own way. He's very determined to show Luigi every single last one of his presents so Luigi will know what he's missing out on if he goes ahead with his stupid leaving plan. Similarly, the Koopalings also get the full range, but they have to leave in dribs and drabs over the next week too.

I guess part of why I couldn't figure out a plot was because Junior is going to be getting more and more intense and overexcited as his birthday party goes on and that would narrow the focus too much to be interesting.

(Maybe the lesson here is that putting it in Junior's pov was a bad call and I should've been trying to see Luigi's thoughts on the whole thing).

I don't know what Luigi would get Junior. He'd probably play it safe and do some art supplies (which are fine, but nothing super exciting and he gets a bit miffed when Junior moves on fairly quickly). He also delivers a letter from Peach (which Junior initially dismisses as boring), with an invitation to a brand new tournament she's organising (I'd have just picked a random sport that's not a main Mario tie-in game, or maybe one of the less represented sports like one of the Olympic ones). Luigi can't remember speaking with her about that, but he must've said enough for her to do this. Junior's quite excited over this - it's his own invitation, not just his dad's!

I also imagine that Mario sends something, maybe food? Possibly a bunch of hot sauce bottles from the various places he's helped out (they won't stop sending them and, while he likes spicy food, he can't eat this much!)? He puts the same amount of effort into it as he would a nephew. Luigi's also surprised at this and has to deal with the (actually super obvious in hindsight) realisation that he's sort of on his way to becoming Junior's step-dad, not just a regular old babysitter.

(Yeah, this would've been a challenge to properly depict in Junior's pov. Possibly an interesting one though.)

It was definitely set up more as potential day for writing, but it was useful to help reassure Bowser once I'd added it.

#bowuigi #days #this got long #ask

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antirepurp · 1 year

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time for me to be obnoxious about an april fool's game at almost may wahoo ft. an unexpected moment of character analysis because i have no chill

TRAIN.

i hope this game is canon because rouge doing petty pickpocketing is my favorite thing actually

he has a wallet? and a home?

i could go on about how much i love these kids being unhinged and chaotic but unless i want to reblog this post a million times i have to cut it down. let it be known that i adore the kids and their antics tho

you know what i also adore? blaze committing crimes in the chaos dimension because she can get away with it. i think i need more of that in my life actually

although right after he says he doesn't wanna do more crimes i'd like to think he grows out of that opinion eventually. let the little guy steal stuff i want him to hang with rouge and have her make him worse actually

look here shadow's had it rough in the writing department for a while but i very much appreciated this plot point of him going out of his way to get concert tickets for amy and even (reluctantly) agreeing to go with her to said concert even if it isn't his cup of tea. i know it's more presented as him trying to y'know be polite and considerate and he's going about it in an edgy way but i'd like to think it's just his way of presenting things if you will? like he know what amy's favorite band is and sees how hard the tickets are to get so he goes out of his way to get them because he cares about his friend and knows how much attending a concert like that would mean to amy. and in terms of this screenshot in particular i also appreciate amy appreciating her friends' presence at her party even if they hadn't gotten her anything! sure it does kinda come across as her being bummed about not getting gifts from them and maybe she is but i think that's okay? like she's 12 (or 13 now i guess?) getting excited about presents is pretty normal, and it's not like she's super upset about it anyway. i think she genuinely appreciates her friends attending her party more than anything

i also found this a lovely little detail lol and it does kinda make sense! the bitch has been in stasis for 50 years and computer technology has taken leaps in that time, of course he'd be a lil rustier with them compared to his peers

more on shadow, this guy's brain goes overdrive the second he realizes he fucked up and needs to get something nice for his friend now. like i don't have the brain power to form it into words atm but i just love what this all says about him as a character!!

i could flail about the art in this game the whole evening honestly it's so lovely and colorful and pretty and i love how this scene is composed and shadow being seated on the windowsill idk this just put a big smile on my face when i saw it :)

frankly obsessed with amy's unhinged energy can we please get more of this bc i live for it

the fucking blowdart. i cannot tell you how fucking off the walls these teens are like espio's instructed to use a blowdart on sonic with non-lethal poison and he's like yeah that checks out and sonic's just like wow cool guess i'll snooze for a bit then like this shit is exactly why teenagers should be given superpowers and be put into Situations(TM) i love it

not an april fools game making me emotional over trains

and why yes i am obsessed obviously

it was a fun game! like tbh with a bit more content i would've been happy to pay a bit for this honestly (like. when im not broke lmao) like it's so charming and there were a lot of fun details and the jokes were enjoyable too. i just think it's neat :)

but yea that is all im glad sonic the hedgehog got murdered it was a great time

#soda offers you a can #the murder of sonic the hedgehog #also the minigames were banges actually i loved the vibes in them they were rad

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sincerely-sofie · 16 days

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still cant get over travailshipping. i remember when you first tested the waters with it (which i believe was some time before the tpiag chapters started coming out?) and at first i thought it was pretty funny. ark slowly but surely falling headfirst for twig, who if she had a tagline it would be "if i could turn my feelings into weapons, mine would be a goddamn nuclear bomb", and her at first just being oblivious to it and thinking that the letters that expressed love and care that were written in cursive in her mailbox were just funny and she wanted to show them to ark with the guy just looking at her with the most "well that backfired in the weirdest way possible". but when tpiag finally ended i finally connected the dots as to why these two are just. augh. i wont go into detail here in your askbox but i wanna know is: HOW DID YOU DO IT. HOW DO YOU KEEP MAKING SUCH GOOD IDEAS FOR THE FUNNY DIGITAL ANIMALS. TELL ME.

(thinking to myself) "Ugh I should stop posting so much travailshipping stuff... It's probably so annoying to everyone who sees it. I feel bad for my poor followers. I'll check my inbox real quick and then commit to shaking up my content by—" *gets obliterated by your niceness*

Oh man. I remember posting that poll where I hesitantly described a possible Darkrai/Twig pairing in the tags while proposing Twig/Kip as an alternative route, despite it not being the direction I wanted to take the characters, because I was so scared of what people’s reactions might be. If I remember right, I posted it a little bit before I had just barely reached 5k words in the first draft of TPiaG.

I've been trying to write up detailed responses to how I come up with good ideas for travailshipping in particular, but there's one rule I use that defines everything after it and speaks for all of them: I have fun with the characters.

That's it. That's the rule. If I don't want to write a subject, I don't. I stick with what I find enjoyable and resonant. Does a joke make me laugh? Does a scene make me cry? Does a villain make me punch a hole in my wall? Does a cute gesture make me squeal? If so, then into the project it goes. I think people can feel when someone is having fun with their work, and that fun radiates out into their own experience consuming that work. It's like laughter— joy is something we're sharing with others as long as we feel it. Fun is contagious.

Also: when you don't force yourself to make things you hate, you attract people who like the same things as you. These people will find your work even more fun— because not only did you have fun making it, they're having double fun consuming it.

An important tangent I'll go off on is that I think that every creative project idea is a good idea. There's so many beloved bizarro ideas in the world, even the ones who try to be cool about how weird their premises are. There's this weird show where the main character works as a service industry worker in an underwater setting that's ruled by a Roman deity— he lives in a piece of fruit, and his pet gastropod makes cat noises. This show sounds like word salad garbage on paper and could be tossed out for its nonsensical nature, and yet SpongeBob SquarePants has made Nickelodeon over $13 billion dollars and is a treasured part of many childhoods. There's also a character who spends his time locked in intellectual and physical combat with a wannabe clown and wears a costume with bat ears while doing it. Batman's been an icon for over 80 years.

All of this is to say:

Ideas are always good ideas by virtue of existing. They don't derive their goodness from external sources. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Make more of what you love. Don't make things you hate making.

If you have fun while making the thing, people will have fun while they consume the thing's content.

I hope this makes sense. I didn't touch on idea generation as much as embracing existing ideas. Fingers crossed that was the right response. I'd just woken up from a nap as I was writing it, so hopefully it's not too meandering and managed to answer the question and—

— Oh shoot. Was that a hypothetical question??? Uh. Sorry if I went off on this rant when you were just trying to voice your niceness. Oops. 🫥

#also: feel free to go into detail in my inbox 👀#i am always happy to hear people's thoughts on my blorbos #creativity tip #creativity advice #writing tip #writing #creativity tips #swear warning #creativity tips with sofie #(kinda)#sofie answers asks

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b0n3s-is-gay · 1 year

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Working Class Woman

Tags: Cannon au, fem! reader, Commander reader, Brother Erwin, Major Character death, Depressed Reader, Comfort from both sides, Mentions of Alcohol, Self starvation mentioned

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Synopsis: After the death of Erwin, reader takes over the position that her twin brother used to hold for 5 long years and trys to finish what her brother couldn't. During that time, she shuts down and her close friends take notice. Even her boyfriend, Levi Ackerman, takes notice.. They both end up talking some things out and it ends up with both reader and Levi comforting eachother as a couple.

A/N: this was all inspired by someone who I consider to be my insperation and the person to push me in the right direction to start my writing carrer. I'd just like to say that they are amazing and you should go follow them! @m-jelly $￣︶￣*$)

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I sat down in his chair with a small emerald green charm in my hand, rotating it in my hand and tracing it with my index finger. I saw his face in it every time I stared into the gem. His laugh haunted my dreams and his scent was still on his uniform coats and cloak. I couldn't stand to look at his portrait that hung on the right wall of my bedroom.

I everytime I sat at the commanders table with all the other captains, I wouldn't eat... no I couldn't eat. It made me feel guilty that he wasn't here. Guilty that he couldn't eat the food that he loved, talk to the people he was close with, be there for the advancement of the cause that he commited his life to, and do the things that he loved... I was the embodiment of what he wasn't here for. It hurt to know that he couldn't be here for each advancement that he wanted.

I knew that it would hurt him to see me in this state, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't sleep because every time that I tried, I'd just relive that horrible moment. I cried every waking moment that I wasn't infront of a crowd, friends, and cadets that now look up to me. His dreams would never come true for him just made it worse for me.

"Commander Y/n, are you okay?" I looked up from my cold steak that was on my plate and saw Cadet Arlert standing infront of me. I looked at him with tired eyes and simply nodded at him, his ocean eyes looked over me and nodded swiftly as he left for his seat. Ocen eyes... heh...

I sighed and set my cold food infront of Cadet Braus and left the dining hall. My head was swimming with thoughts of him. Each breath, each step, and each movement of my 3DM gear was spent thinking of strategies and him. His movement and ideas were nothing but there as I progressed.

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"Captain Levi and Section Commander Hange, I think something is wrong with Commander Y/n. She's been skipping meals, staying up late, and has looked out of it." Hange and I looked at eachother as we sighed. Hange looked like she was going to say something, but stopped.

"Thank you Arlert, you are dismissed. please gather the rest and send them off to bed." I spoke as I sipped my black tea. Arlert saluted as he walked off to get his squad mates to bed.

"Levi, what are we going to do about her? We both made a promise to Erwin that we'd make sure she'd be okay... What are we going to do?" Hange asked while sighing. They took a sip of whatever alcohol they has tonight. I shook my head and motioned for them to pass their cup. They gave me the cup and I took a sip, much to their suprise.

"I'm not sure, maybe I can go talk to her later..." I sighed while handing her the cup back. They nodded and started laughing a little bit. "What's so funny shitty glasses?" I questioned.

They laughed a bit more and said, "You could use this to confess, you know they like you, ya short stack!" They cackled some more as I blushed. "Shut the fuck up, just give me another sip of whatever the fuck you're drinking!" I shouted as I grabbed their glass and took another sip of the burning liquid.

I sighed as I got up from our shared table and made my way to her office. She was my concern right now, not the tipsy grunt that I associate with. "Alright, I'm out. Don't get to drunk and remember to clean up your mess..." I yelled out while walking out the door.

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I was laying on the floor of my bedroom, wrapped in his cloak. It hurt but I wanted, no needed a hug from him. I'd like a two arm hug but I'd kill for his one arm hug... I scrunched up into a ball and sobbed into his cloak, each body shaking sob just made me feel worse.

"Come on, sad sap... Get up..." I cried as I heard his words from the past. "Y/n, please get up. You'll be okay... even when creation comes to die, you can find me in the Sky... Upon the last day, you'll be okay." I sobbed louder as I imagined his hand resting in my head.

"No... No Erwin... I won't be okay! I'm working myself half-way to death, it should've been me that got crushed..." I wailed into the fabric of his hood. My head was pounding into the floor as I shook. "You're not here, you'll never get to talk to anyone... I won't get to have that hug you promised me before you left..." I squeazed my eyes shut as I felt foot steps on the floor infront of me.

"Erwin... Please... I'm not in the mood for you to taunt me, please go away..." I whimpered as I turned over on my other side. I felt someone put their hands on my head. "Erwin, please stop! I know you're not here, you're with papa!" My voice quivered as I took a loud shakey breath. "So please... Go be with him and leave me to rot..."

I felt someone pick me up and hold me. "It's not Erwin N/n, please look at me..." I heard them speak softly. I looked up at his steel grey eyes and tried not to cry more. "Levi... I'm sorry you had to see me this way, I-i'm sorry..." I whimpered looking away from his face out of shame.

"Don't be sorry, we get it if you're not okay. You lost your brother for the walls sake, It's okay N/n..." I cried some more as I grabbed fist fulls of his shirt. I felt him grab the back of my head as he comforted me. I felt him start to shake as he held me.

I wrapped my arms around him as we both cried. "We'll be okay... as the stars align I hope you'll take it as a sign, that you'll be okay... Everyday we'll be okay..." I sang quietly from a song that he used to sing to me.

"Levi... We'll be okay..." I whispered as we held each other while crying. I felt him shakely breathe against my neck. "I know we will..." he whispered back

#levi ackerman #attack on titan #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #reverse comfort #soft moments #major depressive episode #major character death #hange zöe #armin arlert #Spotify

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xoxoemynn · 2 months

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15 Questions for 15 (lol) Friends

Tagged by @blakbonnet, @spirker, @ofmd-ann, @edsbacktattoo, @darkinerry, and @bizarrelittlemew to share 15 facts about myself! 💕 ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: Yes, both my grandmothers. One was Mary, one was Anne. Mom smooshed the names together and decided she liked the aesthetic of an i better than a y in the middle.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: Wednesday night at that video of a humpback whale. I just REALLY love whales. If you ever want to remind yourself of just how very small you are in this great magnificent universe... whales.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: Negative.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?: I did eight years of marching band. Sports were never my thing.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?: Noooooo, never!

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: eyes/smile

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOR?: Hazel

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: Happy endings in general, but The Haunting of Hill House is one of my ultimate comfort shows so... it depends.

ANY TALENTS?: I'm really good at tying balloons. Also I've been delighting my colleagues the past two weeks with detailed reviews of the Replica perfume sample set and honestly I think I may have found my calling. One colleague is offering to send me another sample set so we can continue the bit so this might make me an influencer now?

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: USA

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: Catering to Daphne's every whim, writing, thinking about writing, looking at the stacks of books on my nightstand I'm dying to read and then not reading them, picking out paint samples to hang on my walls for months without committing, spreading anti-banana propaganda

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: Have I mentioned Daphne? Here she is as she remembers we still have to fight for our favorite show.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 5'6"

FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: I was a band kid. Close runner up would be English.

DREAM JOB?: Mostly I dream about not needing to have a job. But if I absolutely had to, I'd have a secret financier who'd anonymously direct deposit a significant amount of money into my bank account for reading/writing fic and the only criteria is I have to open AO3 and Scrivener for at least five minutes a month. And then if I want a bonus I have to go travel somewhere and take a few pictures and they'll say "good job, you're our star employee, have another $100K" and I'd say thank you, I agree, now please go away before you accidentally become un-anonymous, I do not wish to be perceived.

No pressure tags to definitely not 15 people because I can't count that high (also I've lost track of who I've seen do this so apologies if it's a duplicate!): @snake-snack-stede @areyoudoingthis @saltpepperbeard @agaywithcoffee @as-a-creww @gentlebeard @zstraps 💕

#tag games #silly sorta responses for a silly sorta day #it's a Friday and I've got zero meetings for once and I'm just vibing #daphne

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explosionshark · 11 months

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I've seen like one episode of Buffy maybe but I've watched most of Angel including the episodes that had Faith in them and I feel I understand the concept of Buffy the show and the character, anyway should I read Faith/Buffy fanfic and if so which ones?

god okay i REALLY think you should watch buffy though. i mean, i'm remarkably biased because it's one of my all-time favorite shows, but if you have the time and even the slightest bit of interest i'd recommend at least season 3 (IDEALLY. season 2 + 3 because they are very much part of one big conversation, but if you can only commit to one thing then i'd say prioritize s3 for the faith arc).

BUT you didn't ask me about that, you asked me if you should read faith/buffy fanfic so - yeah! yes. there's a lot out there that's SO good, of course you should read it.

i think ground-up AUs are good for this bc you can read them with basically no knowledge of the source (i mean. it's enhanced by source knowledge, but you can get by without) for this I'd recommend the no-powers college AU 2001 by @morningsound15, which does an incredible job of translating the important parts of the characters and their relationships and hang-ups and issues to a world where they aren't wrapped up in supernatural shenanigans.

Aside from that, I think there are a few season-rewrites that are pretty accessible if you've got a basic working understanding of the show and the characters. Some of my favorites are:

Coexist by @coraniaid which is a lovely (and recently completed!) canon-divergence AU that explores what would change if it was Giles, not Jenny Calendar, who was killed by Angelus in season 2. It's a rare type of AU that consistently surprises me with how intricate and thoughtful it is in exploring the ripple effects of such a huge change and it does some great character work with both Faith and Buffy.

to hold off the lightning by @episode5s which is a season 3 AU that picks up about halfway through s3. Again we get some really amazing character work (the character voice here is just insanely good) with a lot of amazing fallout from another canon-divergence point - what if Faith was able to be walked back from the ledge after killing Allen Finch? It's a tricky proposition - I genuinely think a lot of the best parts of Faith's character arc are tied into the fact that she has her heel turn and goes dark, but here the author is able to preserve all the best of the tension and trauma of that arc, while still allowing things to play out differently. Incredible slowburn romance here, too.

Finally, I'd be remiss to write a fuffy fic rec list without touching on a truly inspirational all-timer from one of the fandom's best and most prolific writers: the Vengeance verse fics by @aliceinwondrbra. The series begins with Vengeance a Wishverse AU - season 4 Buffy meets an alternate universe version of Faith that didn't go dark and experiences a belated gay awakening in the course of working together. The sequel, Hypnopompia, is where things really take off for me - back in her universe, Buffy is determined to help Faith. There's a ton of great stuff here: shared coma dreams, Faith redemption, a really great exploration of Faith and Buffy's sexuality and related traumas. Alice is one of the best in the biz when it comes to voice - absolute, total pro. I read this fic like two years ago and it changed my brain. Left me feeling like "wow, I want to write something that will make other people feel the way I felt reading this" and I don't know if I've done that yet, but I'm gonna keep trying.

ALL those fics are great and I can't recommend them enough. Luckily for you, if you want to get into this, the fandom has been going strong for years and there's a ton of good stuff out there I haven't linked here. There's plenty to discover. Enjoy!

#replies #Anonymous #fic recs #fuffy #btvs

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misscammiedawn · 7 months

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Penlight - Spoiler Analysis/Review Post 1 (Nozomi Route)

Download Penlight (Pay what you like) from Itch.io here

My other Penlight reviews: Quick Review - Sayori (Part 1 - Doll) - Sayori (Part 2 - Alter)

Turq's reviews: Hiroko Robot - Hiroko Tickling - Nozomi Zombie

So I had reviewed the game Penlight before and wanted to give some more praise on its narrative choices and themes. I felt the best way to do that was to break down the routes I enjoyed and what I learned from them.

Before I begin I wanted to say much of the discussion here breeds in from @spiralturquoise and I going back and forth on this game for weeks. Turq is writing a post as well and though we share many viewpoints we come from different angles. We are also aware that we have our own biases and headcanons which we may present as fact, Nozomi being AroAce for example. This post represents a read of the game and we actively encourage people to have their own reads and share them so we may read them.

My posts are going to be plot overviews with analysis. Turq had a fantastic bit of commentary on my first post and I wanted to keep the conversation running.

This post is from the perspective of someone who either has already played and enjoyed the game or someone who isn't going to be convinced to play without having been spoiled first.

If you're on the fence, play the game, come back. It's a few hours commitment and so worth your time.

The post will be here when you get back <3

So as of the latest public release this is the route map:

It sort of looks like the map of Dracula's Castle.

Also this post and any future posts will only feature content from the public release. Nozomi Reversal route is actually polished as of writing for Patreon members with a better script and CG for the ending. This is using version 0.1602.1.

As you can see the game is pretty broad. The map is color-coded between the Brown (Nozomi), Blue (Sayori), Pink (Hiroko), Purple (Consequences) and Salmon (Villain) routes.

Ignore the green, those are just to highlight the latest changes to the map from prior versions.

So I thought I'd handle my Spoiler posts the same way. Brown, Blue, Pink, Purple and then... I think I'll skip Salmon. I have no real desire to play the villain routes.

Though I was happy to see this in the Q&A segment of the Discord:

I am glad this game continues to deny any attempt at vindicating unethical choices.

Anyway. With that preamble. Let's get started with Nozomi's paths...

To begin the Nozomi route Kyou will mention that he has been studying hypnosis and this will trigger Nozomi meeting with him at a cafe after school to ask about his experiences.

She admits that she has been into hypnosis for several years, fluctuating between shame and pride in her interest, admitting that she had not intended to practice in real life until she found herself volunteering for the hypnosis show during the previous cultural festival, an impulsive action that was driven by her repressed desires, she notes that she did not plan on volunteering until her hand was already in the air.

Nozomi regrets that she did not get a chance to bond with the senior who ran last year's show and is now admitting it to Kyou.

From the offset the power dynamics are skewed. Nozomi views Kyou as a stalker and knows he has no friends to practice with. But she is also quick to keep things even by admitting her fetish, overtly admitting she "gets off" on the topic, noting how giving this information to Kyou is a risk.

In showing too much of her hand, Kyou, who does not himself have a hypnosis fetish, despite his study, gets a window into her fantasies.

Nozomi enjoys hypnosis and is excited by it.

Nozomi fantasizes about giving up complete control.

But she is aware that such scenarios only exist within the realm of fantasy and she understands hypnosis enough to know that such a thing could never happen and because she knows this. Because she has found someone who knows how hypnosis works. Because she regrets not being able to make a connection with the last person she could connect about hypnosis with, she tells him she wants him to hypnotize him.

What comes next is the first hypnosis scene, which takes place in Kyou's home.

Every route of the game follows the same timeline for the most part. Most of them keep to a week or two time frame where some others stretch out over months. But the facts of the timeline are always true. Many of these facts will come into play later on but it's important to note them because the writing around these "canon events" is tight.

Kyou's father works until late and will always have a business trip to excuse his absence for weekends. I believe I have only seen him show up one time in the entire visual novel, referenced in text as Kyou speaks about his previous night.

So with an empty home Nozomi comes over and sets down the ground rules.

Sessions are to be discussed in full before approaching hypnosis. All sessions are to be recorded. All suggestions are going to be tidied up at the end.

Kyou performs a quick down-up with a simple number amnesia suggestion (albeit there is a blank choice for a future route where you break her consent at this time) before Nozomi realizes that she needs to go home for dinner and heads out leaving Kyou feeling that the scene had no adequate deescalation and he's left to feel things were left off without a conclusion or understanding with where he and Nozomi stand in their freshly ignited entanglement.

I want to get into the canon events a little more later on, but there is a level of beautiful dramatic irony that DeMille tends to take when it comes to how she approaches similarities in the routes and consistency of the characters or timeline, particularly in how Kyou's choices impact the characters. Hiroko is the most notable example as her tennis scholarship can be at risk even if the surrounding events of the week cause her to worry. Her emotional state mingles in with how she plays tennis, after all.

I explain this as each character is well written on their timelines and depending on how early or late you play Nozomi's route in your exploration, you may find that Nozomi's evening actions are more flexible than the other girls. With Hiro and Sayori there are external factors at play with their tennis, study club and cram school commitments. With Nozomi the amount of time she gives or refuses to give, with very few exceptions, is her choice alone. She also denies Kyou justifications, though they tend to mostly be around her not wanting to explain herself to friends and family. Sometimes we know from other routes why she is unavailable, sometimes we do not. It helps put the player in Kyou's perspective. Not knowing if they can trust if Nozomi is getting her fill and abandoning Kyou or if the pair are doing a poor job of planning their scenes to include deescalation, debrief and aftercare.

Kyou's confusion grows the next day when Nozomi refuses to associate with him at school the next day. A theme which grows larger in two of the routes. Feeling like he is a shameful secret, much like Nozomi's interest in hypnosis, Kyou is forced to wait until Nozomi returns for more sessions, completely in the dark as to where he stands.

When he asks for clarification on this topic Nozomi makes it very clear.

She has no intention of dating anyone.

From here you are given the option of either respecting her boundaries or pretending to. Pretending to locks you in to a bad ending from the Delusion route.

Agreeing will begin the divergence in the tree to chose from 3 options. From here on I'll be focused less on plot outlines and more on plot analysis as it is at this point the themes of the game begin paying off.

Trance: Kyou introduces a reinduction trigger and the pair explore the kink with increasing levels of thrill seeking. We get to see the risks of abandoning safe framework, the hurt that comes from compartmentalizing your kink and social lives.

Reversal: Nozomi is offered the penlight and becomes the dominant. We get to see how the girls must have felt under the penlight's sway and experience Kyou being unambiguously mistreated without the fallback of "it was his own fault"

Zombie: A massive abreaction happens and the focus of the story falls upon safety and mitigating damage in hypnosis scenes.

So let's do them one at a time.

Trance:

One of the biggest themes of this game is that hypnosis is a collaborative action that takes place with communication, trust and caution. As I had mentioned in the initial review post any of the endings which are considered "good" involve the penlight being broken as it represents a "one way" process of hypnosis, whether it be overriding agency, skipping communication/feedback or removing safety.

It's my personal view that the penlight represents the toxic elements of a hypnotic relationship and compress the timeline of damage from years into a single week. It's one of the few things that Turq and I diverge in from our reads. It's also why I think Turq's review of the Nozo-Trance route is going to be the definitive one, in the same way I intend my analysis on the Sayori-Alter route to be definitive when I get around to writing it. My history with the toxic elements of hypnosis all revolve around a lack of safety in hypnosis itself, after all and that is the lens I approach things from.

The reason I say that is because the Trance route is firmly based in the relationship aspects of hypnosis and how trust, communication and collaboration need to be established.

Nozomi continues to treat Kyou as a trance dispenser in this route, disappearing when their scenes are concluded. She also intends for hypnosis to only work when they are in Kyou's home as a way to ensure it is secret from the world and no one can know the things that she is interested in.

This leads to the route being divided between scenes at Kyou's home where the pair slowly erode their safeties to introduce more and more exciting ideas into their mix and school scenes where Kyou is ignored by an increasingly standoffish Nozomi who refuses to acknowledge Kyou's existence outside of sceneplay.

Kyou even says it himself in narrative "I might be the one hypnotizing her, but it's really me following her suggestions around here."

When Kyou stands up for himself and says that he didn't even know if he needed to prepare for Nozomi's arrival her reply is nonchalant.

At the start of the route Nozomi was eager to be fully communicative of all things and yet as her comfort with this arrangement has continued she has assumed more and more that Kyou would be willing to go along with anything she wanted. The divide between them grows more as Kyou finds that his day-to-day life hasn't really shifted as much as he would hope.

So... if "good communication and mundane hypnosis" is part of the condition for a good ending, what is a condition for a bad ending?

Outside of the obvious outcomes such as being expelled or punished, a decent number of endings have Kyou given the responsibility of caring for another human being who no longer has agency.

The game is always clear that when collaboration breaks down but the hypnotic relationship remains then one party is having to do all of the work and it is not a good thing. There is no ending in the game where Kyou is willing to or enjoys having a mindless and controlled partner.

That's important to note because with the understanding of Kyou's comfort there we know that collaboration and a relationship (not dating, just a relationship) is what he desires and in this route he is not receiving that because Nozomi stonewalls him.

What's worse is that she's not even put any thought into the fact Kyou may feel this way.

But hey. It's not like he's a mind reader or anything...

Oh by the way the suggestions have subtext to them. We'll get to that a bit more with the Nozo-Reversal route.

From here Nozomi has Kyou say her trigger phrase (and almost crashes into the floor because there's no safety in place for how she flops) and Kyou has her come clean.

Nozomi is finding it increasingly more arousing how little control she feels she has when she is in Kyou's home and much of her fantasies involving hypnosis revolve around a complete helplessness.

The fact that the penlight is overriding her caution, repression and agency is something that she finds actively enticing and even the act of being forced to confess her "shameful" kink is alluring to her.

This squicks Kyou out enough that you are forced to make a decision on if you even wish to pursue a relationship with her. A sign that even the person enabling her fetish isn't fully accepting of it. A bad ending will occur if Kyou decides not to continue, but to continue he now finds himself on the slope and catering to her desires.

The problem is, they're not communicating.

Nozomi told him all of this under hypnotic compulsion. She is no closer to reconciling the shame from her sexuality but now she has revealed the depths of it to Kyou and he has taken it as instructions. In exchange Nozomi will try to include Kyou in her life more.

Kyou then goes online and begins reading ReadOnlyMind stories and learning what he thinks a hypnofetishist would enjoy and has come away from the encounter believing that Nozomi actively desires having her agency removed. The lack of communication allowed him to know what Nozomi desires and he has mistaken it for what she wants.

Further up the slope and with some dangerous new ideas of what their fun and games should be, Kyou visits Nozomi's home on Saturday and discovers that his post hypnotic suggestions still work on her outside of Kyou's home.

In every route Kyou is a believer of the "essential lie" of hypnosis. "No one can do anything under hypnosis that they didn't want to do."

That will come up a lot. The Delusion path is a thorough takedown of the idea in general.

Here it informs Kyou that Nozomi is eager to surrender her agency and removes another layer of safety. The rule that the suggestions only impacted at Kyou's home has eroded.

The pair commit to some kinky shenanigans and Nozomi's mother almost catches them doing some hypnotic rope play that is well handled in CG art and I shall not deprive you the enjoyment of seeking it yourself (the game is "pay what you want" on itch) but stands to show two things.

Kyou is having more fun like this and Nozomi is becoming increasingly comfortable with her desires and allowing for more risk taking.

Also there's a choice between spanking and tickling and I firmly believe that this is the most overtly erotic scene in the entire game. Kyou keeps testing her limits and whether it be via the penlight or Nozomi being free to explore her kink without any shame, she keeps on matching his challenge at every turn, seemingly enjoying every second of it, even when they court the danger of discovery.

Kyou even notes a few times that she never breaks scene at any point for her own comfort or security.

...I will save my personal commentary on hypnotee agency until Sayori's review... But I have thoughts.

At the end of the day in which Nozomi insists Kyou needs to head home, Kyou suspects he is being brushed off again because Nozomi had her fill from the scene and no longer wishes to be around him. She says that she has no more time for the weekend and will see him on Monday.

Kyou decides to press back and hypnotically forces her to come to him the next morning. They even stay up online to discuss their next scene.

Unfortunately Sunday is, in every single route of the game, Hiroko's tennis tournament and Nozomi must dedicate her day to being with her bestie and throwing her a karaoke party afterwards.

But her compulsion commands her to go to Kyou and so she does, abandoning her friend.

The next morning they have a roleplay scene that is increasingly high stakes and Kyou continues to press his advantages, unaware of the sheer power of the penlight. She even gets Nozomi to her underwear with very little effort.

Though the scene requires a little bit of management afterwards, Nozomi forgetting that her clothes are her own, it was an enjoyable experience for them both.

But then her phone pings and she is informed that she is missing Hiroko's game. She insists she has to leave and Kyou, not understanding the importance of this event, pushes back and assumes that she is once again ditching him because the scene is over and she does not want to deal with Kyou outside of their play.

There will eventually be a route where you get to hypnotically command her to stay but for now Kyou accepts that she has to leave.

Having let down her best friend, Nozomi withdraws and goes back to the former arrangement, scolding Kyou via text message for attempting to pester her during school and says that she needs to take some time to focus on study, leaving Kyou feeling abandoned again.

Something they both fail to do as they fail their mock exams hard and this leaves Nozomi feeling yet more shaken and wanting to retreat from kink.

However she believes that if they just "get it out of their systems" they'll be free from their obsessions. Leaning further into the slope that the pair are on.

The safety and sanity have long since vanished off of the horizon in their risk profile and consent has been on a broken foundation since the start.

What follows is a scene where they bring their kink into school hours. Creating an open trigger (with no safeties) that will reenact the tickling/spanking trigger from the weekend.

It goes poorly. Regardless of the effect Nozomi will feel it continuously for the full lunch hour and it gets worse with every iteration of the trigger.

That night the pair attempt to mitigate the damage and once again the thrill of the high is placed above the detriments it is having on their social lives.

So Kyou decides to escalate instead of deescalate.

This is not a good idea.

The scene escalates until Nozomi is on her knees wearing nothing but her underwear and unable to speak above a whisper, exclusively referring to Kyou as "Sir". The further into the scene the pair get the more Kyou shapes himself to become the type of hypnotist he believes Nozomi dreams of.

At this point you are given your final options for the endings:

Make me a cheese omelet - Become my girlfriend - Become mindless for me.

Nozomi actively resists the penlight and tries to physically restrain Kyou to prevent him snapping his finger or pressing her forehead to force her to be his girlfriend. This is the one boundary that you had to accept at the start of the route to allow things to get to this point. You literally cannot reach this moment without Kyou agreeing to respect that boundary and breaking it is a guaranteed bad ending. Either Kyou steals Nozomi away from her friendgroup and the pair will sink into their kink exploration with no allowances for their school, career prospects or external friends to interfere or Nozomi will succeed in stopping Kyou from robbing her of her agency and leave him for breaking her one rule.

The "mindless" ending is... dark. I'd rather not go over it as it doesn't make additional points other than having Kyou finally understand his penlight robs people of agency, which he does not learn in this route until the very end.

The omelet ending is a sweet and tender scene between the pair which has an ethical jumping off point.

The next day Nozomi slips and refers to Kyou as "Sir" during school hours and her friends instantly get on her case about it.

I should note here that Sayori knows Nozomi's fetish in every route. These little bits of characterization that remain constant through all of the routes really add flavor to certain interactions.

The true growth comes when Nozomi, seeing Sayori interrogating Kyou and thinking the worst of him, comes in and offers to invite her friends to Kyou's house to tell them everything.

Once there she discovers all the programming tied to being at Kyou's home kicks back in to both party's surprise. Kyou agrees to remove all suggestions so they can talk.

The subject of the penlight is raised and they finally realize that it is a bit special...

Kyou puts it eloquently here:

The penlight is destroyed leading to the golden ending of the route. Nozomi, realizing how much damage the pair had done in their chase of thrills, cuts off from hypnokink to focus on her studies.

After a timeskip she meets up with Kyou after exams and says she has been watching hypnosis videos again recently and asks if they can start exploring again without the penlight.

She accepts that she still does not want to date but she may end up treating Kyou as a trance dispenser again if she approaches without an arrangement and Kyou says he doesn't want to push her. The pair communicate and agree that they just want to explore out of friendship and interest.

Nozomi kisses Kyou on the cheek and it is clear an establishment of trust has been made and the pair will find something more healthy this time.

Now... I'm the type of person who enjoys watching "analysis" videos that just tell the plot beat for beat and I would need so many more hours to even attempt that for the entire game so I'll be more swift with the other two, especially as a lot of similar ground is covered. I'll likely do a more full breakdown of Alter route for Sayori but let's get through the other two a bit faster...

Reversal:

One of the main reasons I wanted to do Trance route in full and show off how the entirety of a route plays out is that the knowledge of how other routes play out help so very much with the retelling and expanding on the themes.

If Nozomi takes possession of the penlight then Kyou will become her plaything for the duration of the route. Her behavior is not altered, however. Her risk profile is, however.

In the Trance route Nozomi wants to put strict safety and restrictions on early play because she is afraid of being discovered and does not fully trust Kyou to play with her mind. She does not hold the same reservations in reverse, however. So what happens when someone who ditches scenes without deescalation is running the scene?

A constant "Bad" condition on any route is an open trigger/suggestion that bleeds outside of play spaces. We say a lot of that with the restrictions of Kyou's hypnosis only supposed to work within Kyou's home in the trance route and how things get worse when that restriction is tested and broken. In other routes one of the absolute worst situations is the impact of a suggestion exiting the scene and stretching out into the world.

God I should have started with Sayori...

As a sidenote, Hiroko's route actually has some mildly positive impact (at least not inherently BAD) of play stretching out beyond scenes. But Hiroko's routes are a little more light hearted than the serious lectures on communication, safety and abreactions that Sayori and Nozomi's routes deal with.

So Nozomi's first command is to perceive her as invisible and she runs off to her evening plans without closing out the suggestion.

As I said earlier, the suggestions are symbolic at times.

One of the most interesting things about this route is that we get to see what the girls experience with their time going under for the penlight. Most of the inductions involve Kyou starring at the penlight for a few text boxes and then waking up with no clue as to what happened.

Kyou also likes asking his hypnotee their opinion on topics and finds that they're always accommodating and accepting of his playstyle. Nozomi was remarkably good about all of the events that transpired in the Trance route after all...

Sorry, Kyou...

The penlight makes it so enjoyable to go into hypnosis that you cannot really advocate for yourself. Hypnotee Agency is not a thing in most of these routes and the Reversal route makes this clear. There is only one actual choice you can make in the entire route and it's only there because Nozomi tells Kyou to make it.

Incidentally the bad ending of the route (newly added as of this update) is unlocked by making the insignificant choice of "pat head" or "striptease".

Turq and I have a mild disagreement on this moment. I believe that when Nozomi sees that Kyou is willing to and incapable of stopping himself from getting naked for her she is so turned on (sexually or otherwise) by her level of control that she is pushed over the edge of morality. Turq's read is that she dehumanizes Kyou in that moment and loses empathy for him that leads to the good ending.

Odd that the sex-repulsed asexual has the read that she was turned on.

Anyway...

Nozomi continues to ignore Kyou at school and come to his house at night to brainwash him and selfishly steals him away for Hiroko's tennis match, asserting that she is going to take him with her for the celebration.

Funny. In Trance route Kyou subvert's Nozomi's agency to have her skip the tennis match, in Reversal route Nozomi subvert's Kyou's to force him to attend.

In this route she doesn't mind associating with Kyou with her friend group because she is in control and doesn't feel like the association will out her or be a mark of shame for her being a "freak" (her word, not mine).

She puts Kyou through a mortifying scene and bullies her friends around to get her way with making it happen, the power of the penlight having brought up some bullyish tendancies within her. She wants to check in that Kyou is okay but as before he is only allowed to agree.

During school she continues her unempathetic behavior and starts a big fight with her friends when they attempt to talk to Kyou and she continuously talks over him and at one point she even commands him not to say a word.

Nozomi's behavior is fairly toxic at the end of the fight, going as far as to pull a guilt tripping "I'm horrible" as a way to distance Sayori.

The controlling behavior and lack of communication, trust and safety bleeds out once again as she commands Kyou to tell her the truth about if she is a horrible controlling monster and he does.

He tells her she has not been fair. That she stopped cleaning up her suggestions the moment she took over. She took Kyou's stated limit (not wanting to sing karaoke) and instantly overrode it. She forces Kyou to hang out with her friends but does not extend him empathy or kindness. She just treats him as a toy.

Like. Literally. He tells her outright.

This causes Nozomi to get defensive and demand that if Kyou was so upset then why did he chose to continue obeying. We are then lead to the good end or bad depending on the earlier scene.

In the good end Nozomi breaks the penlight realizing what she has done and in the bad she becomes Miss Akemi and makes full use of the penlight.

The deprogramming scene that follows is actually remarkably tender and sweet with all the tenderness of someone's first hypnosis scene, checking back and forth if the other is okay, Nozomi knows she has gone too far and is so careful in this sequence.

To add in to how tender and connected the hypnosis scene is, this time there is no brutal cut between penlight and waking. We are in Kyou's perspective the whole time as his eyes slip closed and he follows Nozomi's voice through the experience. We get to see Kyou reacting to Nozomi's words and experiencing the delightful relaxation and trust he has in Nozomi during these moments. He wonders if he is actually hypnotized while agreeing in thought to go with it.

Eyes open and close for fractionation and each time the artwork fades in and out, Nozomi's expression becoming more serious and/or concerned as it continues.

Questions of if it's working become certainty and Kyou even notes "I can't resist" not because his agency is overridden but because he tests his eyes and knows he cannot open them and that's okay.

"I just want to listen."

This is by far the longest hypnosis sequence in the game and it is essential that this be the case as it is the thesis statement of the game being played out. We are not witnessing the trust and tenderness of a well communicated and safe hypnosis scene, we are experiencing it.

The ending even has Nozomi accept the consequences of her behavior and make-up with her friends, admit her fetish which is one of the hardest things to achieve in any given run and Kyou is earnestly and honestly part of their friendgroup. Nozomi notes that she may wish to buy a pocketwatch in the future.

In terms of "good end" this is one of my favorite because Kyou gets to be friends with everyone, Nozomi comes to terms with her repressed desires and we get one of the most pure displays of hypnosis in the entire experience.

I am curious about other people's feelings on this one.

I'm running on fumes for the remainder so maybe I'll cover "Zombie" route later.

All I will say is that it is a route that is begun by Kyou having Nozomi imagine herself as a zombie, likely thinking of the Chinese Zombie trope of arms stretched outright and looking dehumanized. Nozomi takes it literally and tries to bite Kyou's flesh off.

This entire route is punctuated by abreactions and hypnotic safety. We are reminded of our fuck-up throughout the route by a giant bruise on Nozomi's character model (and lack of glasses for much of it) and it is the only route where all three of the main girls get involved with the experimentation around hypnosis right from the get-go.

With everyone clearly communicating and trying to accommodate for safety we still, in the mock stage hypnosis scene, get an abreaction despite every suggestion being very well laid out. It's almost weird how well packaged they are in this route and highlights how sloppy the suggestions are in the rest of the game.

The idea being that no amount of safety is going to cover everything. When we play with hypnosis we cannot possibly know every single thing about every single person we play with and mistakes can and will happen and we have to both own that and minimize the amount of harm we do by being tidy but also by talking out suggestions first and not springing them on people.

No matter how careful we are there will always be mistakes and it is better to deal with those mistakes before the scene than during it.

It's actually a remarkably good fable and makes a stunning point. I think that erasing all the barriers (Nozomi's shame of being discovered, Hiroko assuming the worst of Kyou, Sayori being involved enough to be the sane one in the room who has researched enough to know what is true and not attached like Kyou and Nozomi enough to not let things slide) and showing Kyou make sensible suggestions is the best way to approach this.

Even in the best possible timeline where there are no external factors and everyone is on their best behavior you can still mess up.

...and boy howdy we are going to mess up a lot in the rest of the game.

Next time I'm going to trauma dump on you all and type more than is necessary about Sayori's routes and reveal why my Penlight tag is "Sayori is best girl".

But for now... I have typed a lot and I do not wish to type any longer.

Eagerly awaiting Turq's post.

#camden posting #dawn posting #sayori is best girl #penlight #visual novel #hypnokink #I need a blended tag for when a post isn't solely authored in a specific headspace #media essays

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spiderh0rse · 5 days

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stark's mind notes part 4, e16-20

e16

wonders how Godzilla's creator would react to the situation. Familiar with his more frontfacing philosophies

wouldn't go out there without his armour

would be more confident with a companion

maintains hope that literally anyone other than him is doing work and turning on the oxy+power

loud noise :(

works out the sound mechanic pretty well. Seems pretty set on the alien echolocation thing. First headcrabs, now the Tentacle

Blaze-orange,, that's a FREEMANISM

laughs once he's out of immediate danger

has seen some of the Godzilla movies!

the cynic in him maintained despair in the scientists doing work here

Ashton? This name is associated with shitty pranks. Specifically shitty pranks.

NOW he wonders about the water depth when trying to break his fall with it

prepared to have a breakdown if nothing helps his goals

bothered by how unhygienic the vents are

underwater mumbling!!!

wants to throw up but figures this is not the place to do it

pretty sure he's just putting the zombies out of their misery

e17

Desc: professes that Stark talks to his "dark side" in this one

new titlecard! Very anime

LOVES when potential avenues of escape are cut off /s

he's just so jovial about everything (he sounds on the edge of tears)

oh yeah he's acknowledging that he's doing his whole "descent into madness" thing and that he's got to cut it out. That he can turn that on and off is. Concerning.

anticipates being ACTUALLY completely mad in about five hours

considers himself the wrong man in the wrong place

made a pun on accident but isn't too fussed about it

definitely had a bit of an issue breathing in the wind tunnel

purposeful pun!

takes a moment to breathe and take stuff in

either shakes himself off or gets a bit dizzy at the top of some stairs

has not been shot at before!

getting the gamer's mindset (more bodies = more important)

remains unconcerned about the headcrabs. I'd genuinely consider those the biggest threat in the building always

choked by a barnacle. That sounds SUPREMELY unpleasant

he is the MASTER of hide and seek

never good at basketball before

thinks maybe someone committed suicide in a back room

considers the "still alive despite everything" thing he's got a curse

does smoke. Nicotine, to be clear

R. L. Stein mention,,

apologizes sarcastically to the tentacles for leaving them

he has lots of free time AND blood on his hands! :)

reasons the scientists turning on the power are dead

personally thinks the matter of saving people here is a lost cause but wants to try anyways

trying to not kill things so he doesn't go mad faster

thinks the sleeping houndeyes are cute :)

hopes 2010 doesn't have him kickstarting the second apocalypse. This is in reference to the New Year, so it's 2009! Slightly after Homestuck released if i remember ResCas day properly

references some guy who. Sent out mail bombs i think?

very vanilla. Does not approve of choking as a kink

rambling and knows it

e18

has a checklist of things that happen to him when he's careless. Included: elevator breaking (which given modern regulations ONLY happens with deliberate sabotage or extensive damage)

delighted and shocked at the sight of a single living scientist

insults himself for forgetting briefly about the lambda team

still pissed about the lack of a helmet

his autobiography,, isn't going to write itself

"the ends justify the means" what if I say the means justify the ends huh?

understands he is just saying stuff recreationally

startled badly by some guy who proceeds to be rude to him. Stark ceases to act like he cares about the guy

doesn't have a great sense of smell

worried about what the military will do with more time.

not in the mood for internal bleeding >:(

familiar with bond villain stereotypes

thinks he comes up with cool ideas. wishes he'd become a director

Dr. Gordon "opiate plus alcohol equals heaven" Freeman

wonders what Freeman is doing right now. Seems to wish him poorly

says "stifled" like someone who's only read the word and never heard anyone say it

tries to say a cool one liner but distracted by HOT ROCKET

familiar with Predator but is more of an Alien man

familiar with the story of David and Goliath. Fancies himself David.

e19

gets mad at stupid questions easily

wishes the military would have to deal with this kind of bullshit

thinks no one can both aim to survive and work towards good at this time. Continues to work towards good.

"haven't discussed the details of my contract with the cosmic overlords who have granted me partial amnesty" hm...

resurfaces for half a second "heycooliwa" sright!

abandons a room full of burning waste on account of Smells Bad and Bad For Lungs

the homiest room in the game, toxic waste turbine river, does not appeal to him

pessimistic about a door working and opening

hits it with a crowbar a bunch and leaves when it fails to work

has seen so many OSHA violations today

understands that you CRAWL on thin suspended things. Lower center of gravity = better balance

his heart has had numbers done in it today

makes a bunch of goofy alliterative nicknames for the radiation river

insists a grate stopping his progress is TREASON

doesn't work out every day or anything like that, but he's not out of shape

keeps forgetting to ask for a map. WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS BEFORE

hates the work harder not smarter slogan

claims he thinks gravity can't do anything to him because he's killed a giant

glad he has to deal with radiation less right now

"the n in fun stands for nuclear!"

unnerving noise! he's Bothered.

e20

wants a MAP.

he was joking about a trend of fighting giant monsters before. Now? Probably will have to fight one.

"Ey, look, there's Stark, let's just paparazzi him to death," complete with bad brooklyn accent

not sure how many times bad design has stymied him

snarks at a no smoking sign. cites definitely not needing stress relief

"hoo-ha or whatever"

ignores the gargantuar lighting up some soldiers aside from the flamethrower hands

tells some vortigaunt that they're trespassing

thinks he's being paranoid right now but it's warranted

uses his tripmines to keep any ambushes from happening

low on ammo :(

going to look for medical supplies to help out that guard. Completely forgets the medkits by the magnum rounds from earlier

considers the headcrabs annoying now, not outright dangerous. Which. Hey. No they're the worst thing here.

wondering why the HEV suit keeps track of his ammo

SO pissed off and he can't even sue

thinks the grenade launcher will be interesting to use. Thinks he shouldn't use it in small spaces

not taking some marines guns because Body Fluids

doesn't want to deal with androids

does not think highly of soldiers. Says they don't care for their victims. Also says the feeling is mutual.

#stark's mind #vincent stark #mindverse #rmanotes

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bunbunbillion · 8 months

Text

not sure if i already did this before here, but consider this a formal introduction to the transfer of my twitter media thread to tumblr. and im starting it with a really special one!!!

Tonight............. i finished Super Lesbian Animal RPG by Bobby Schroeder (@ponett / @slarpg) with my friends. I shared the experience with two who had played the game already, and another who was as blind as me.

i will say without going into at all, but if you are a gay furry (especially trans) and love stuff like sonic, or MLP:FiM, or just gay fantasy in general, go play this game. It's REALLY GOOD! going in blind was a treat. That being said, here's my thots.................. theres a LOT!!!!!

i didn't actually find out about SLARPG until i began reading the sonic archie comics a year or so back. i needed a reading order and by GOD did I find one. not to start this post about slarpg with a ramble about sonic archie, but it was genuinely such a great read, and all the stuff on Thanks, Ken Penders ( @thankskenpenders ), made it all the more enjoyable! that ASIDE it's also how i saw the author of the blog, who i realized i was following already for awhile, was making her own game! and one so shamelessly gay and furry as well! i was INSTANTLY interested...

after the game came out, it took me awhile to get around to it. it wasn't until someone very close to me got really into it that i decided i'd commit the time. it took 20 hours of gay activity, but i started it having silly fun voice acting a bunch of animals with my friends, and ended with tears in my eyes and love in my heart.

the game is written in a way that just gels perfectly with me. everything is both very casual feeling, but also genuine. it's never really ashamed of what it is, and that's all i can ask for from a game with a name like Super Lesbian Animal RPG.

The characters are easily the highlight of the game, never once feeling like simple cutouts or stereotypes. Everyone is just a delight to read. My favorites were easily Melody, Allison, and the man himself Javis. Being a gay ADHD filled bunny with a love for hitting things with sticks and hammers, Allison especially spoke to me.

The world of SLARPG is only seen through a small vertical slice, with the vastness left to your mind, which works very well in its favor. Slowly as you explore the areas your presented, you learn more and more about the world just through your own intuition. Discover the races that live on the planet, where the characters all came from to get here, the power structures put into place, how magic has effected such a modernized world. It makes you want to learn so much more, really. I found myself really interested in the vague lore we get of the supposed Gods that make up the powers of the world, which I hope can be further expanded on one day.

As a Video Game(tm), id say it does exactly what it sets out to do. I'm an RPG Girl, i love Figuring Shit Out in them. I play them headfirst and love to make strategies for silly bosses especially. SLARPG is a RPGM VX Ace game that doesn't exactly do anything CRAZY, as much as it does use its platform incredibly well. It is a SOLID RPG, it sets out to have a concise and simple battle system, with a lot of fun tools to play with. Even if I recognize all the scripts being used, how they get used always felt great. There were very few slipups in the way the game was put together when i played too, which as an RPGM dev, is always impressive to see. I think my only point of contention while playing was the random encounters getting a bit monotonous near the final stretch of the game, and the bosses being a bit too easy for my liking, but otherwise, mwah great rpg!!

one of the BIGGEST highlights, outside of the writing, is the amazing art, and i really mean it!! EVERY character has an amazingly cute character portrait, and every single sprite is so full of life! the backgrounds/tilesets tend to take the cake though, some of the best I've seen in a game like this personally. The dungeons are incredibly visually striking, and every single character design sticks in my head as memorable. MAJOR props to Javis and all his boys too. god bless those freaks.

and finally, i can talk about the writing in specific. it is... special. and i mean that in the best way i can. the story is pretty simple. Melody Amaranth and her girlfriend Allison Goleta join their friends guild to go on adventures, and are granted magic by their mage using a forbidden ritual. From there, hijinks ensue, involving a sociopathic VHS headed cipher-like individual, the worlds most jerkish butch, and a proclaimed Goddess of Magic coming for YOU!!! Despite all that though, the story to me felt focused much more on the relationship between the protagonists. Especially Melody and Allison.

I'm not sure how much I could go into specifics from memory alone, but it is... really good, what they do with the two main girls. Exploring the ways relationships blossom and mend. It's never all drama, nor is it all flowers. It's very real feeling. I connected to it a lot, in ways I never thought I could. Recently, I've been re-exploring my sexuality, what I want in romance, if I can even FEEL romance. This game helped a lot. It helped me be a lot more honest about my feelings, and let myself open up a lot more.

It wasn't just Melody and Allison either, there's multiple other great relationships in the games story. They're ALL adorable, and ALL amazingly written. We see a perfect mix of childhood love, new love, and trained love, each one shown with both strain, and triumph. As a girl who longingly read countless yuri manga and scoured plenty of garbage yuri anime as a kid desperately looking for something I could see myself in... and then this game comes along not only with that amazing representation, but two of the main characters are like VOCALLY transgender!! they don't play around SHTI!! This game is like a cup of cold, refreshing, root beer. god BLESS!!!!!

im about done rambling now though. if you got this far reading and still havent played slarp, WHATRE U WAITING FOR!!! GO KISS SOME GIRLS!!! GOD BLESS!!!!!!!

ADDENDUM: THE MUSIC FUCKS HARD AND CRAZY STYLE I ALMOST FORGOT EVEN AS THE TUNES PLAY IN MY HEAD!! THIS SHIT IS SOME REAL VGM CLASSICS OF ALL TIME

#bunny media bin #one of many to come #please play this game #sorry the next one of these will probably be about one piece netflix. i will be watching

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