#after the next song he said 'i totally just laid down on the stage didn't i' and we all had a collective moment with him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

invisibleraven · 2 years

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From the prompt list: romantic 14 & 27 for Peterpatter, please? 💕

Look, Luke knew that stage diving was a stupid idea alright? But they had just finished up a set at the freaking Satellite, the crowd was amped, so he took a chance, jumping into the crowd after the last power chord. And it was fine until the drunken crowd dropped him, with a sickening crunch to his arm. At least he had the foresight to leave his guitar up on stage.

So here he was with a broken arm, bruised pride, and bored out of his ever loving mind.

And bored Luke became surly extremely quickly.

Alex left after he snapped at him one too many times, and Bobby refused to be around him when he got like this, so that left Reggie. Reggie who came by and cleaned up his mess of dishes, scribbled on pieces of paper, and helped Luke wrap his arm so he could shower. He didn't let Luke's grumpy mood affect him, just smiled and kept asking “Tell me something I can do for you today.”

At first Luke responded that Reggie could leave him alone to let him wallow, or that he could go play in traffic, but Reggie just chuckled. "Sorry buddy, no can do. But I can make you a grilled cheese sandwich?" And Luke would grumble and pout, but eventually agree that a sandwich sounded amazing. So Reggie would make them lunch, and spend his afternoons chatting Luke's ear off, or songwriting with him, playing Luke's acoustic so that the notes made sense outside the notebook. Luke still hated being laid up, but he did appreciate that Reggie cared so much and didn't let Luke's misery drive him away.

Yet when Reggie came by one day to find Luke still in bed, curtains drawn and staring up at the ceiling, that's when he knew something was wrong. He lay down next to Luke carefully, trying not to jostle his injured arm. Luke barely cast him a sidelong glance or even grunted to acknowledge his presence. This was worrying, as even at his grumpiest, Luke had greeted him with a grumbled hello. "Hey buddy," Reggie whispered. "You doing okay?"

Luke gave a non committal shrug.

"You wanna talk about it?" Another shrug. Reggie sucked in a breath, and looked at the ceiling, knowing he couldn't look at Luke for what he wanted to say next, lest his blush give him away. “You know you can always talk to me, I'll always be here for you.”

Quiet as anything, Luke whispered "I know Reg," and reached down to tangle their fingers together, heedless of the bulky cast. Reggie gave a squeeze back, letting the silence linger between them. Eventually Luke spoke, his words almost inaudible from how quiet he was, but Reggie could still understand them. "What if she was right? What if this is just a stupid pipe dream?"

Reggie turned to Luke then, wishing his friend would look at him so he could see the sincerity in his face, not just hear the reassurance in his voice. "She's not right Lu. We're gonna make it one day, you'll see. We headlined the Satellite! We're going to book the Orpheum any day now! Then in a few years time, we'll be selling out Madison Square Gardens and everyone will know our name!"

Luke turned to face Reggie, a tiny smile coming out. "You really believe that?"

"With all my heart. We're gonna be legends Lu, prove them all wrong about us." Reggie beamed, bringing Luke's hand up and holding it to his heart. "Now, you wanna finish banging out that new song we were working on?"

Luke hummed, but then shook his head. "I was thinking maybe we could have lunch and veg out with a movie? The song's not going anywhere."

"Then neither am I," Reggie replied, jumping up out of the bed. But Luke held fast to his hand, making the bassist turn and face him.

"Hey Reg? Thanks," Luke said, pulling him in to press their lips together, a small fleeting kiss that wasn't their first, but spoke volumes the way no friendly peck had before now. Reggie flushed, and leaned in to deepen the kiss for just a moment before pulling away.

"Anytime. Now come on, I bet if we look, some channel somewhere is totally playing Star Wars!" Reggie grinned and ran off towards the kitchen. Luke grinned and shook his head, wondering just what he was getting himself into. But Reggie's words, his belief in them made his heart glow all the brighter, so he supposed he could live with a lifetime of re-watching Star Wars. He eased himself off the bed, walking towards the kitchen. His arm was still broken and painful, but with the knowledge of Reggie's love, he felt fully healed.

#filled prompts #ficlet #ruke #peterpatter #julie and the phantoms

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20moonchild21 · 3 years

Text

Gif by meッ

๛∙ꨄ Fight

Pairing: Park Jimin x girl!member

Warnings: too much fluff

Words: 1900+

☕︎ 𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓛𝓲𝓵𝔂, because nothing can separate real friends. I hope you like it ☕︎

ッ

๛匕нє σиє ωнєяє тнєу fιgнт αм∂ make up ꨄ

♕

"You know what, Jimin?" The small girl said angrily. "I don't care anymore. Do what you want to do, but don't ask for my opinion anymore. I am out of this!"

She stood up from the couch and walked towards the door.

"That is totally fine by me!" Jimin yelled loudly after her as she left the living room. "I wanted to do that by my own, anyway!"

"Fine!" He heard her voice yelling, before the slam of a door echoed through the dorm.

He balled his hands into fists, breathing heavily. This was supposed to be a good evening. Just the two of them, working on their very first song together. Usually, the both of them even have the same ideas and expectations reefing to music, but not this day.

"What is going on here?" Jimin turned his head towards the door.

He sighed, and put his head into his hands, while Jin made his way up to the sofa.

"She is just-just...uurrrrggg!" Jimin couldn't find the words to express his ager about the only female member. "She is so stubborn and-and....I don't know."

Jin looked sceptically at the younger boy in front of him.

Usually, Jimin and Grace were inseparable. They joked together, they laughed together and they shared every secret with each other. They were like pitch and brimstone, and that was why Jin cold hardly believe that the both of them could yell at each other like that.

"Let's make this up anytime later. We have an important performance tomorrow. You need to sleep." The older boy said and put his hand on Jimin's shoulder. "Come on, Jimin."

"You are right, Hyung." Jimin sighed and followed his friend out of the living room.

๛

Grace boiled inside herself. She just couldn't get over the fight Jimin and she had last night. She just couldn't understand why he was so stubborn and egoistic about their joint project. If he didn't want her opinion, why did he even ask her to join him in the first place.

She let out a sharp breath.

What made her even more angry was that Jimin was completely ignoring her now, which made it difficult, because the group had a huge performance today. Now, she was forced to pretend everything was fine. She was forced to joke along with him and be all touchy with him.

She didn't even had another choice, because she knew what rumours would come up if the both of them would be all cold and repellent to each other.

"Grace." She heard someone making his was up to her. Of course that argument hadn't stayed unnoticed by the other members. "I want to talk to you real quick."

Grace knew what Namjoon was about to tell her. But she just nodded and stood up from her chair to look at her leader.

"Listen Grace, I know that you and Jimin had a fight yesterday, but right now it is not the time for this." It hurt him to see his youngest member like this, but as the leader he had to make sure that private incidents wouldn't affect their performances for all the ARMYS that were waiting out there. " I want the both of you to mature up. ARMYs are out there, waiting for us to give them the best evening of their lives. Do you understand?"

"I know, I know." She sighed and drove a hand through her long, blonde hair. "It's just....We've never fought like this before, and – and – "

Before she had finished her phrase, the tears were already spilling out of her eyes, dripping over her rosy cheeks. All the feelings were just so overwhelming in the moment. She quickly tried the tears off with the sleeve of her black shirt, knowing that she couldn't cry now. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Grace, " Namjoon took a step forward and laid his hands on the small girl's shoulders. "You know I care about the both of you, and you know that I would do everything to help you solving this problem. But not right now, because right now we need to be there for ARMY."

He had pulled her forward into his chest and hugger her tight. This was the only thing he could do for her right now. So after a few minutes, the both of them made their way out of the dressing room and over to the rest of the group, who where currently waiting next to the stage.

When they reached them, Grace looked up from the ground, just to see two deep brown eyes staring at her. Both young adults looked at each other, and for a spark of a moment, Grace could have sworn she saw a flash of regret or even guilty in Jimin's eyes. Sadly, this moment didn't last long.

Jimin's soft features changed quickly. The corner of his mouth dropped, while he pulled his eyebrows together. Then, he turned his head away from her, starting a conversation with Jungkook, who was standing next to him.

"Alright!" Namjoon yelled and gestured for the group to gather around in a circle. "I want you all to give your best out there. For us and for ARMY, because nothing else matters right now!"

"Fighting!" They all screamed together before the staff gestured for them to go on stage

๛

The girl let out a deep breath when she left the stage, a little while later. Everything went fine.

The choreography went totally fine, there weren't any technical mistakes and ARMY were more motivated than ever before.

The girl lifted her shirt for the staff member to take off all the wires, earpieces and microphones that were attached to her body.

"Thank you." She bowed her head a little bit, and walked off, crossing Jin's way.

"Great show, little squirt." He said and gave the girl a side hug.

"You too, Jin oppa. Are the others already in the dressing room?" She asked and looked up at him, while she whipped the sweat off her forehead.

"Yes they are. I have to talk to the manager real quick, but you don't need to wait for me." He answered and turned around to make his way up to their manager's room.

"Alright." She yelled after him. "See you soon."

As she walked back to the dressing room, she suddenly heard a soft noise.

At first, she didn't paid any attention, but as she kept walking, the noises got louder and louder. She was extremely worried, because it sounded like someone was crying heavily behind the stage.

In a dark corner.

Alone.

"Hello?" She yelled carefully into the darkness.

As she kept walking, she spotted a figure sitting in the very last corner of the stage. She couldn't make out much, but as she walked closer, she could clearly see his face's profile. She gasped.

Jimin was sitting at an equipment box behind the stage. He had his hands folded in his lap, shoulders sunk down and eyes glassy and puffy. When he noticed the girl, he quickly looked away from her, not wanting her to see him like this.

"Jimin?" Grace asked into the darkness again. This time louder. "Jimin, are you okay?"

It wasn't the first time that Jimin had cried into the girl's shoulder. She had always been there for him when he was lost or sad or just needed someone to talk. He even would have been running to her in the first place, if the situation was another. If they hadn't fought. He simply was to proud to give in first.

"Go away." He whispered and brushed the wet stains from his cheeks.

Of course, Grace didn't go away. Her best friend was obviously in pain, how could she just walk away and ignore him like that. What kind of friend would she be?

Carefully, she walked closer towards him. Jimin, as stubborn as he was, still refused to look at the girl. He tried so hard, but Grace knew how bad he was at hiding his feelings. So when his tears start falling again from his eyes, the girl's heart broke.

"Jimin, what happened?" She whispered as she carefully wrapped her arms around the boy's shoulders.

He tensed up a little bit, but didn't stop her from hugging him. She knew that in the moment, he was simply to proud to talk to her in the first place, and that was what shocked her the most. They were supposed to be friends. Best friends. She decided to jump over her ego and make the first step.

"Jimin, look at me." She gently kneeled in front of Jimin, taking his face in her tiny hands and whipping the tears off of his plump cheeks. "I know you are mad at me, and I know that I was a bitch yesterday. And believe me, I was so mad at you, too, but I want you to know: Don't matter what happens between us, and don't matter how mad I am at you, I will always be there when you need me. We are best friends, and it breaks my heart to see you like this. So please, don't shut me out, Jiminie."

Jimin had stopped crying and was now looking at his fiddling fingers in his lap.

"I messed up." He finally whispered while his voice cracked. "I messed up, because the microphone fell off and I panicked, and then my messed my parts up. One song. One song, and I messed up my line, Grace. I am so sorry."

He put his head in his hands, hiding his face from her again. The girl knew that Jimin was a perfectionist. He had extremely high, and sometimes unnecessarily high, demands on himself.

"Jimin, look at me." The girl whispered and pulled his hands away from his beautiful face. "You didn't mess up. You voice cracked, so what? The people out there don't want to see a robot on the stage who sings perfectly and daces without mistakes. They want to see you. "

She pressed a small kiss on his hands.

"You are only human, Jimin. It's okay when your voice cracks or when you make a wrong step while dancing. Do you remember when I was so out of breath because of all that dancing, and my voice cracked up, all the sudden?" Both of them chuckled at this memory. "ARMY kept singing for and at the end of the day, no one cared anymore about this accident. Because that mistake showed that I am only human, too. So please, don't feel guilty or something. No one blames you for anything."

She pushed her herself from the ground and pressed a kiss on the top of the boy's nose, before she used her sleeves to dry his tear stained face.

"Thank you, Grace. You don't know how much I needed this right now." Jimin smiled sweetly at her.

"It's okay. You know what?" She asked as she stood up from the ground, pulling Jimin with her. "I think it was good that we had this fight yesterday. Because now, we know that we will be always there for each other. Don't matter what."

She held her hand up, stretching her pinkie out for him. He smiled at the girl in front of him, before he wrapped his pinkie around hers.

"Don't matter what." He said.

-------------------------////------------------------

Herr is the new scenario!

I really hope you like it!

Same as always: Any requests, recommendations or other wishes? You know where to contact me!

Mꨄ

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ijo4shua · 4 years

Text

[gif is not mine]

give it to me

[requests are open]

pairings: bang chan x female reader

genre: smut + tiny bit fluff

summary: chan and you have been dating for quite awhile now and although you've both been doing long distance for more than a year, things were starting to get a lot harder to handle. with that, you both were also starting to get extra frustrated and extra needy. fortunately for the both of you, facetime exists.

warnings: sexting, phone sex, dirty talk, cursing, daddy kink (duh it's chan) and mastrubation

"Chan," you sighed as you sat back in your chair. "I miss you."

You stared at the YouTube video playing on your phone, admiring your boyfriend and his members' performance.

You couldn't help but gulp at the sight of him lifting his shirt and biting his lip.

"I wish you were here," you said to yourself as your hand slowly started moving to your now wet core.

The song came to an end and only then did you realize what you were doing.

You moved your hand immediately and stood up, shocked by your own actions.

"I'm becoming way too sensitive about this stuff," you thought to yourself. "Maybe I should talk to Chan about it."

No matter how hard you tried thinking about clean things, you just couldn't.

You needed Chan.

You ran to the bathroom and washed your face with cold water, "Ugh I can't be doing this right now."

But of course, the thoughts still didn't stop.

"Maybe a shower will help," you said out loud as you stripped down to your underwear, desperately trying to come up with more things to do to distract yourself from all your dirty thoughts.

You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, feeling a sense of confidence as you analyzed the way your body looked in your matching bra and underwear.

Another thought crossed your mind but this time, you didn't try fighting it.

You grabbed your phone and began taking pictures of yourself.

Before you knew it, you were sending them to Chan — no warning whatsoever — with the message "i need you right now," following after.

You walked back to your bedroom and sat on your bed, positioning yourself in a way you could easily touch yourself.

As you were looking through your secret photo album filled with pretty scandalous pictures and videos of both you and Chan, you got a notification.

It was him.

You eagerly opened the message and read "woah where is this coming from baby? you're gonna have to warn me next time"

"i couldn't help it! i can't control myself when I see you looking that hot on stage," you answered.

"oh so you watched my performance? ;)"

"ofc i did. what kind of girlfriend would i be if i didn't?"

"baby you can't be doing this to me right now. you're giving me whiplash here."

I tilted my head, confused as to what he meant. "what do you mean?"

"i'm stuck between wanting to squeezing the hell out of you and smothering you with kisses and..." he started. "... wanting to rip those pretty little panties right off your body so i could fuck you hard into the sheets and fill you up."

You felt your body tense up and your panties beginning to get soaked.

Before you could even respond, Chan followed with another message saying, "but yknow my body wants to do the later a lot more right now."

"i want that too baby."

Almost immediately after responding, Chan sent you a picture of his dick imprint in his grey sweatpants, how clichè, am i right? with the message "look what you did" following after it.

"call me. now." was all you could say.

Your phone immediately rang, signaling that Chan wanted to FaceTime.

You quickly answered, feeling your body becoming more and more weak and needy.

As soon as the call connected, your hand moved inside of your underwear and began rubbing against your wet pussy that had already soaked the sheets.

"Let me see what you're doing, beautiful," your boyfriend said as he began position his phone.

You observed his surroundings, noticing that he was in the studio.

You obeyed and placed your phone at the edge of your bed, against your footboard.

After getting a good enough angle, you leaned back onto your bed frame and subconsciously began spreading your legs.

"Fuck, I can see how wet you are from here, baby," Chan began as he started stroking his boner through his sweatpants.

"Take it off already," you seductively said.

He nodded his head and obeyed.

You watched as his erect penis came into view.

"Your turn," he said, slowly beginning to stroke himself.

You smirked and slowly removed your underwear.

Chan's body stiffened as he began stroking himself much faster now.

The feeling of embarrassment suddenly started to take you over, obvious enough for him to notice.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, baby," he started. "It's just me."

Although his words were very comforting and just what you needed in a situation like this, you still couldn't help but feel extremely self-conscious.

In the year and a half you and Chan had been dating, you've never done this with him. Heck, you've never done this with anyone.

I mean, of course you've had sex with each other before, but this was different. Way different.

"Y/N, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And despite the fact that I never thought I could ever fall more in love with you, you always seem to surprise me," he said softly and sincerely. "If you're not comfortable enough to do this, it's okay. I understand."

That's when you noticed he had already put his pants back on.

He gave you a reassuring smile and slightly nodded his head.

Seriously, how did you get so lucky?

"I want to," you said with a sudden wave of confidence. "I need it. Right. Now."

He looked shocked but smirked immediately after.

"Take it off, daddy," you said without even thinking.

The "pet name" took the both of you by surprise, but it also definitely intensified the situation.

You slowly spread your legs and immediately started to rub your still drenched core.

Chan was back to stroking himself, but a lot faster than before.

You watched as he stared at you with needy eyes, barely hearing his moans and whimpers.

He got louder and louder, making you even more horny.

You inserted your middle finger into yourself, almost squeezing your legs shut as you were already undoubtably sensitive.

"Put another one in, princess," Chan shakily pleaded.

You inserted your ring finger and let out a whimper.

"Louder," He blurted out. "Don't hold back. I love hearing your pretty moans."

Your fingers started pumping in and out of you faster and faster, making you moan a lot louder than you were comfortable with — but you couldn't help it.

Eventually, your other hand started to move up to your breats.

You moved your bra out of the way and began playing with your nipples.

"Ugh. Just like that, babygirl."

His eyes were drooping and he sunk into his chair more.

He lifted the end of his shirt and held it between his teeth, revealing his infamous abs.

His breathing became rapid and shaky, "I wish my fingers were inside you right now."

You squirmed at his words, "I wish you were filling me up with your cock right now."

Chan's eyes slammed shut as his head fell back.

His moans were at its loudest volume and you couldn't help but get louder as well.

"I-i'm gonna cu-cum," he said, squirming in his seat.

"So am I-I."

You both became sloppy with your movements.

Chan forced his eyes opened with the intent to come undone while looking at the girl he was so in love with.

You.

"I'm cumming!" you yelled out as you started pumping much faster, still playing with your breasts.

Before being able to respond, Chan let out the sexiest moan and released at the exact same time as you did.

Both of you began riding out your highs while making intense eye contact with each other.

Your moans became quiter and quieter, until it just became extremely heavy breathing.

"T-thank God for good WiFi connection," he said, lightening up the mood.

You couldn't help but giggle at his comment as you laid back in your bed, completely out of breath.

"I love you, Chan," you said in the spur of the moment. "I love you so much."

He sat up from his chair and leaned in closer to the camera, "And I love you, beautiful — more than words could ever explain."

You sweetly smiled, satisfied with his response.

"Let's clean up, okay?" he said, grabbing a random towel from his bag and wiping himself down as well as anywhere else he might've gotten "dirty."

You nodded and reached for your phone.

"Just a few more months, okay?" Chan said, obviously with a heavy heart. "A few more months and you'll be back in my arms."

"I don't have a problem waiting for you."

Your response left him shocked, but completely satisfied and relieved.

"I'll talk to you later, baby," he said, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing like a total idiot.

You nodded with a small smile.

He blew one last kiss and hung up the phone.

You took a deep breath and threw your phone to the other side of the bed.

As soon as it landed, it turned on, signaling that you had a new notification.

"btw i think it's so sexy when you call me daddy. just thought you should know," read the new text message from your Chan.

You couldn't help but giggle at his sudden confession.

"Ugh. I better marry him," you said to yourself as you walked towards the shower.

a/n: omg this was my first ever attempt at writing smut so pls bare with me if i didn't do all that well. anyways i hope you guys enjoyed. remember, i take requests! hehe thank you!

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igotshinee21 · 5 years

Text

Dear Jonghyun,

A year. That's what it's been. I still can't believe it. You have everyone around the world missing you and crying and praying that you're ok. It seems like just yesterday I was 5 sitting in front of the TV in my grandmother's house watching SHINee's debut stage. All I could focus on was you. It took my grandmother having to pull the Korean news channel up on her computer for me to go eat breakfast and get ready for the day.

I couldn't stop watching you. I knew you were singing for your Noona but I. I felt like you were singing for me. You were smiling but looked so focused on the dance that you just radiated 'LOOK AT ME IM THE BLING!' and I just remember asking my grandma who you were and she reads the Hangul going across tbe screen and says 'Kim Jonghyun' and that's when I fell in love.

That whole day I went through Kindergarten class singing Replay and all the kids around me called me names cause they spoke English they didn't understand who you were or how powerful you were. You made a 5 year old have standards for guys that I shouldn't have had.

I went home that day still humming it and went inside. I went on the computer and just searched you and then I saw you. The next few years went by. I fell more in love with you by the day. But after you debuted and became my center the worse took place.

My step dad the person who I was to go to for comfort and feel protected by began to abuse me. Every night I would lay in bed crying and wondering why a now 6 year old had to go through this. I started sobbing and the only thing that calmed me down was you. The smile that your face brought and the twinkle your eyes shown. I laid in bed everynight thinking of you begging you to come get me from the life I was living.

The abuse got worse. I was 7 with depression and having to steal my mom's makeup to cover up bruises. That's when I started having panic attacks and hyperventilating. The one night I couldn't breathe and had to go to the hospital but the doctor asked me if I had a way to calm down and I said yes. Music. And more specifically SHINee, you. He played like 3 of your songs and watched as I went from on the brink of passing out to dancing to replay.

He told me that it was because of you I was breathing and hadn't died of oxygen lack. So I left happy. But the abuse didn't let up. If anything it got worse. He used you guys against me, told me I was getting punished cause you guys saw me as a disappointment. But I knew it was a lie. You guys brought a smile to my face every time I thought of you. But when I turned 10, that's when I turned to you for the late nights in the bathroom. When the only relief was self harm. After a while of sitting there you talked me into putting the blade down and cleaning up and that I could make it cause your voice gave me hope it gave me a safe place. Weeks later I was in the same spot though. Except this time I wanted to end my life. I sat there crying and didn't move. No one was home. But my iPod started playing randomly and the first thing I hear is you. Your voice came through the headphones clear as day. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor feeling like I was gonna be okay because I felt like you weren't gonna let anything happen to me. But of course he had other plans. He took most of my innocence and told me if I told a soul I'd get in so much trouble. So I kept my mouth shut. Now 2014 comes and I'm turning 11. I'm in the 6th grade and it's November. Thanksgiving time. next week and a half is hell for me. my grandma dies and you know who helps me cope??? You.. you let me cry myself to sleep thinking I was gonna be okay.

YOU WERE MY HOPE

YOU WERE MY SAVIOR

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAVED ME

But of course let's rewind some of 2014. You became 'Blue Night's radio host and every day it never failed I'd listen. Even though I didnt understand much your voice got me through the everyday life.

Now 2015. By this time I had tried ending my life a total of 4 times. I self harmed more than what I wish I did and I became so wrapped up with my pain and the fear of people seeing me weak I was diagnosed with Smiling depression. The same thing you had. But you held me through all the pain and suffering. My mom leaves my step dad. And actually right now in 2018 shes in the process of divorcing him.

We move down south from New York to Georgia (USA). I was afraid of people making fun of me that I barley listened to kpop. I was so absorbed with not getting put an outcast I almost lost you. But you still were there. The nights I cried. The nights I have like tonight where i just hurt and don't know how to fix it.

2016 rolls around and I lose it! You release you're she is album on my birthday and I felt like the luckiest girl ever. I called my grandma and told her how you wrote she is for me. And yes at the age 13 i swore we were soul mates. I had ever since I was 5 so why stop?

And then 2017... I lost sight of you. I barley kept in touch with what SHINee and you were doing. I knew you stopped hosting. And y'all dropped a Japanese song (GET THE TREASURE IS A BOP! But so is every SHINee song) i was so focused with school and sports I lost sight of you. Then I moved to where I am now. And face more shit. I was sexually harrased the first 3 months I moved here, I stared self harming again and pulled all nigher just so I wouldn't have nightmares. Then December 18th comes. I wake up to my friend blowing up my emails and feed with the news. I was lost deviated shocked numb. I couldnt feel anything. You were my everything. My rock. The reason I kept fighting. And I couldn't help you from the thing you helped me from.

I didn't do anything for the next two weeks. I was of course numb. I did the bareminimun. I barley ate. I didn't sleep. Then I cried non stop in my room. I couldn't let everyone know I was hurting. My family didn't even think there was something wrong with me cause I hid the pain so well. I mean I became so good at looking okay people just assumed I had the best of everything.

January 1st came and I didnt want to do this. I didn't want anymore tomorrows. But as I sat in my room crying over you I heard it. The same thing I heard every time I cried like that. You told me id be okay and that you'd always be there. Then for some reason I couldn't stop wanting to see you. Every SHINee video I watched. Every video of you I watched.

I haven't read your letter or watched the funeral. I refuse. I guess I'm afraid it'll make it like official official that you're gone and that I have no choice but to say goodbye. But I don't wanna say goodbye you became my reason for fighting. The reason I rolled out of bed. The hope that life was gonna get better

I wish I could have helped you. I'm so sorry. I just hope you're okay and happy and not hurting.

You did well bling bling. I'll post more later today. It's just gonna be my favorite moments of you. You and SHINee. Always and forever.

I hope the words I could never say reach you. 'THANK YOU'

(just some people on insta paying tribute)

#you did well #youngjae #miss you #jonghyun #we love you forever jonghyun #kim jonghyun #i love you #cant believe its been a year..#you are the moon to my forever crashing waves #thank you

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