#actually i apologize to my followers and mutuals who i am on polite terms with | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xaphrin · 3 years

Text

I am hoping to post this whole fic all at once, but I was so happy with this chapter that I wanted to share it. So, here. Have some "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with my wedding baker" AU.

- - -

When Damian opened the door to find Raven standing in the hallway, the expression on her face spoke volumes about her feelings of being here when most people were dead asleep.

She adjusted the large plastic container in her hands and shook a lock of hair out of her eyes. “You are aware that it’s two in the morning, right?”

Damian knew. Of course he did. A part of him almost felt apologetic for calling Raven and forcing her to come to his home in the middle of the night (especially over something as insignificant as lemon curd), but with the premium he was paying her for an off-hours house call, he didn’t allow that apology to take root. He’d been accused of being a “night owl” on more than one occasion, but the truth was that he suffered from occasional bouts of insomnia. And if he had to suffer through this ailment, then so should others - including the baker for his wedding.

“I’m paying you enough to make up for your interrupted sleep schedule.” Without any ceremony, he ushered her into his penthouse, closing the door behind her. Titus pushed past him and nudged Raven’s hip, begging for pets. Damian couldn’t help but notice that Titus paid Raven more attention than he paid his own fiance. “Sleep when you’re dead.”

Raven’s lips pulled to the side in a teasing half-smile, her eyes meeting his. “How chivalrous of you.” There was a small pause as she set the plastic container down on a small table by the door and bent down to scratch Titus behind the ears. “You know that your night time doorman seems to think I’m here for purposes other than cake. Why else would some strange woman be visiting you at an unreasonable hour?”

Damian didn’t care what his doorman thought, and he highly doubted Raven cared. She was just trying to get under his skin. He shrugged and turned away from her, motioning her to follow him deeper into his flat. “I hardly see how that is my problem. Besides, didn’t you say that you get up at four in the morning anyway?”

Her face fell. “That is entirely beside the point, and you know that, Mr. Wayne.”

“You can call me Damian.” He had reminded her of that fact at least half a dozen times now.

“Ha.” Her sarcastic laugh made him smirk. “No one calls a Wayne by their first name. It’s akin to social suicide. I’d be willing to bet that you even call your father Mr. Wayne.”

Damian walked her through the massive living room, heading towards the kitchen at the far end of his flat. “Only on holidays, and the occasional birthday.”

Raven snorted. “Ah. I see how deep the decorum runs.” As they walked into the kitchen, her face lit up with surprise, and she let go of a low whistle. Pushing past him, she inspected the appliances with blatant envy. “Do you even know what I would do to have this oven in my posession? I would commit war crimes to get this oven in my apartment.” She opened the oven doors and looked inside before standing up and turning to him, eyes narrowing. “Is this just for show? Do you even bake?”

“No.”

Raven closed the oven door and sighed. “Pity.”

“I cook.”

That seemed to pique her interest, and she leaned against the marble countertop, watching him with a sharp stare. There was a long stretch of silence, and it felt like her eyes were boring into him, stripping away everything that protected him until it felt like each flaw was exposed to her scrutiny. In any other situation, Damian would have slammed up some kind of barrier to keep her from looking too deep, but this time he found himself oddly comfortable with letting her investigate him. He didn’t mind showing her his weaknesses, and that thought should have scared him, but it didn’t. He kept his face blank and let her watch him.

“You know… I am having a hard time imagining you slaving over a stove in a hot kitchen.” Her head tilted to the side and she smirked. “Although I like the thought of you wearing a frilly apron. A soft pink one, with ruffles and bows.”

His face fell and he crossed his arms over his chest. Cheeky. “I am docking your home visit fee until you take that back.”

“Mm. Worth it.” She turned away from him, and reached for the plastic container on the counter, unsnapping the lid. In an instant, Titus was at her side and Damian watched her sneak him a treat she had obviously made for him. Raven seemed to make herself at home in his kitchen, as if she belonged there. He found himself smiling at her, and a strange kind of warmth filled his chest.

“So, tell me your fear with the lemon curd, and why it was so imperative that you force me out of bed at two o’clock in the morning to travel all the way across town with cake samples.”

Well, when she put it like that, it did make him sound like a typical, spoiled son of an eccentric billionaire. Damian ignored that small spot of guilt again and settled on a stool at the eat-in counter. “I think my fiance is allergic to lemons… or curd. I can’t remember, but it’s one of those.” He thought for a long moment, trying to remember what it was that she had said last time he had spoken to his fiance.

“You can’t remember?” Raven turned back around and looked at him, her expression incredulous. “Haven’t you two known each other for years? That's what all the tabloids say anyway.”

Oh, right. The tabloids were spinning the relationship into some falsehood of star-crossed lovers who used to be childhood best friends. The truth was far less interesting. “We have known of each other for years. We’ve crossed paths at various parties and events, and my father and hers have a mutual business relationship. But, knowing each other implies some kind of deep, long term relationship. Something more than casual friends.”

“Ah.” Raven rummaged through his cabinets for plates, setting them next to the plastic container containing cake samples. “And I take it that’s not what you have with the daughter of Queen Consolidated?”

Damian shrugged, knowing that talking about the arrangement was opening himself to all kinds of scrutiny from her. But, there was something about Raven that made it almost comfortable to open up to her. In all the times they had been together, she never seemed like the type to spill his secrets. In fact, she seemed to keep them closer than most people he knew. He actually liked talking to her - even with her cheeky attitude. “We’ve only been together in an official capacity for a few months.”

“Oh…”

Her tone seemed to waffle between pity and understanding, and Damian felt like he had to scramble for an explanation. It felt like he didn’t want her to think less of him as a person.

“The marriage is one of a business nature. Our families would be brought together with the marriage of children. It would strengthen the ties between us.” After saying it out loud, Damian realized how cynical that sounded. It was more than just a business move. For all intents and purposes, he liked Emiko, she was smart and polite and reasonably attractive. Marrying her was a good, sound move. He would be content though their marriage.

“I didn’t realize that was still a thing - marrying for business purposes.” Raven pulled out cake samples from the plastic box and placed them on the counter. “Sounds a little medieval, if you ask me.”

Damian shrugged, not feeling any particular way about her comments. “She’s a lovely woman.”

“Is she?” Raven scoffed. “My landlady is a lovely woman. The mail person is a lovely woman. The person who delivers my takeaway is a lovely woman." She gave him a flat stare, pursing her lips. "Lovely woman is not a term of endearment you use for someone you're madly in love with."

"I never said I was madly in love with her."

"Ah. I see. I must have misunderstood." She handed him a slice of cake, her eyes as sharp as a hawk’s as she watched him. "Raspberry and chocolate." She paused. "Is that the business agreement to the marriage then? You marry Emiko Queen, and in return both families have fingers in each other’s pots… so to speak.”

"Yes." Damian took a bite of the cake, and he tasted the sharp tartness of the raspberry at the forefront of the cake before melting away to luscious chocolate. Just like the first time he tasted her cakes, he barely kept himself from moaning in pleasure. She had to bake magic into her cakes for them to taste this damn good. He chewed slowly, letting himself wallow in the flavor.

"Does she love you?"

Damian swallowed and stared at her. The question caught him off guard. He knew for certain he didn’t love her, but he had never really thought about whether or not she loved him. "That's forward of you."

"Asking if your fiance loves you?" She snorted and lifted her eyes to the ceiling. "You're right. How rude of me." Another slice of cake appeared. "Pistachio and cardamom."

He took a bite and tamped down a shiver. She was a magician, there was no other explanation. The flavor curled in his mouth like spiced smoke. "It'll be a fine arrangement."

"Mm. How romantic, an arrangement. Be still my fluttering heart."

Damian rolled his eyes and took another bite of cake. "I am amazed you manage to keep clients with the mouth on you."

She gave a one shouldered shrug. "I let my work speak for me." There was a pause and she leaned over the counter to look closer at him, trying to decipher his expression. “But you never answered my question. Does she love you?”

Damian blinked, letting her question settle in the pit of his stomach. Did his fiance love him? He doubted it, but then again, he never thought to ask. Emiko wasn’t frigid to him, but she wasn’t overly attached either. Indifferent seemed to be the best way to describe her feelings, as though she cared for him as nothing more than a distant friend. She seemed to view this arrangement the same way he did - a duty to her family and a business transaction. Nothing more.

“Your silence speaks volumes.” Raven’s head tilted to the side and she stared at him again, blatantly reading his face. He felt uncomfortable, letting her sharp eyes watch him. She seemed to see more than anyone else had. “I see hundreds of couples a year, and I’ve learned to pick out who truly cares for each other, and who really doesn't know what they want."

Damian took another bite of the pistachio cake, never looking away from her face. Even when she was picking him apart, she was beautiful. "And I take it that you believe I'm the latter?"

"I don't just believe, I know." She handed him another slice of cake. "Orange spice."

"I'm not particular about marrying for love. I've never subscribed to the idea." The orange spice was by far the best, and it immediately went on the short-list.

A pitying look crossed her face. "You don't believe in love?"

That question made him pause, and he looked back at her, his head filled with something akin to smoke. It was like he couldn’t think beyond her question. "I… don't know." He realized with some small amount of shock that he really didn't know. As he sat there, watching her, he realized that he never thought he would fall in love. He had crushes and minor relationships, but nothing that he would call love. Nothing that made him feel like the world was falling out from under his feet, and he was left clamoring for something that made him whole.

“You look surprised by your own answer.” Raven’s voice was soft, nearly swallowed up by the silence between them. “Did you honestly think you would never fall in love?”

“I suppose I did.” Damian took another bite of cake and shifted in his seat. “Love never seemed like something I gave much thought to. My duty has always been to my family, and as long as I am comfortable, I don’t see the need for much else.”

Raven pulled out another slice of cake. “Have you thought that maybe you haven’t met the right person?”

Damian’s face fell and he stared at her, taking the slice of cake from her. “That seems a trite response.”

She shrugged. “Perhaps. That’s vanilla and rose water.”

Damian’s face scrunched at the flavor and he pushed it away. “That rose water is abhorrent.”

A soft laugh escaped and Raven shook her head. “Rose water is very en vogue right now. I’m not fond of it, but some people like it.” She took the slice back and leaned against the counter. “So, tell me if you don’t mind, why are you putting all this effort into a wedding with someone you don't have feelings for?"

"It's meant to be a performance." He hummed softly, thinking. “Both of our families have a reputation to uphold, and if we don’t live up to that expected standard, the media will tear us apart. Emiko doesn’t need any poor publicity.”

“Mm. I understand to a point.” She paused and pulled out another slice of cake. “You’re very pragmatic about this.”

The way she said that didn’t sound like a compliment. Damian took the offered cake. “I don’t require your approval.”

“I never said you did. I’m only in this for the absolutely exorbitant fee you’re paying me.” She smirked. “But… I am curious, don’t you want to fall in love? Just once?”

“And who would I fall in love with?” He took a bite of cake and practically sighed. Chocolate and orange.

“You’re a Wayne. More than half the world would be willing to fall in love with you. Take your pick.”

“I don’t think you can force love.”

Raven shrugged. “Well, your upstanding camaraderie with your fiance doesn’t fit the bill either.”

He blinked and took another bite of the cake. This was the one. “I never intended to love her. Our partnership will be fine.”

Raven lifted an eyebrow. “So… what happens if you fall in love with someone before you get married?”

“I hardly think that will happen.” He scoffed and took a third bite of the cake. He doubted he would find anyone who could coax him to fall in love. That seemed like an impossible task. “And even if I did, it changes nothing.”

“You’re so committed to this marriage. It’s admirable.” Her smile widened. “I take it the orange and chocolate one is the winner? You’ve eaten half the slice already.”

“You’re talented at this.” He took another bite and met her stare. “What about you?”

“I think the chocolate orange will both make a statement and still be appropriately conservative.”

“That’s not what I asked.” His eyes searched hers, and he suddenly realized he had to know. He had to know if there was anyone in her life that meant more than just a friend. He wanted to know who her heart beat for. “Are you in love?”

Color crawled up her neck. “That’s a pretty personal question to ask your baker.”

Damian shrugged. “For what I’m paying you, humor me.”

She chewed on her lower lip and glanced away, and she shifted for a moment. “Currently? No. I was in love once, but… it faded.” She looked back into his eyes. “But that doesn’t make it any more special and important.”

"And you want to fall in love again?" He felt strange and a little invasive asking these questions, but some part of him wanted to know. He wanted to know not just about falling in love, but Raven falling in love specifically. Would she fall in love again? And with whom?

"Of course." Her voice was soft and gentle, and she gave him a small, almost sad smile. "I haven’t found the right person to fall for just yet. But it’ll come.”

Something in Damian’s chest twisted and he found himself reaching across the counter to rest his hand next to hers. It was as close as he dared to get to her. She met his stare for a long moment, and that feeling in his chest turned almost painful. He wanted to brush a stray lock of hair from her face, to feel her skin under his fingertips, but his hand stayed firmly pressed against the cool marble of the counter.

He swallowed slowly and nodded. “The chocolate orange.”

#damirae #demonbirds #I DID SOMETHING #whatever this is #baker au

199 notes · View notes

plumrabbit · 4 years

Text

DA Fandom and moving forward - Calling In vs. Calling Out

Hi everyone,

As a PoC member of the DA fandom, I felt I have been quiet for long enough on the issues that have been presented recently. I am not here to argue against or on behalf of any individual or group, I am only here to present some information that I hope will be helpful moving forward. This is a long post, but it’s my hope that if you read it and want to help contribute to making this place better for everyone, then you will be willing to try to put what is said here into practice.

Since I am a relatively small blog, I wanted to start with a little personal introduction that will segue into the topic at hand. My name is Liz (you can call me Jade too, that’s part of my middle name), and I am a mixed race, “ambiguously brown”, aspec person from Canada. I grew up around mostly other immigrant families, attended predominantly non-white schools that were run by mostly white admins, and completed my degrees at a very white university in a field that does not have much racial diversity. I have experienced racism first-hand many times including, but not limited to, name-calling/slurs, fetishization/exotification, being followed by staff, people second-guessing my name, jokes about hurting/killing people of my race, etc. as well as witnessing racism directed at my friends and peers. I know exactly what it’s like to be exhausted and feel unsafe or othered. There is, however, one thing I need to point out about the multitude of instances of racism I’ve experienced - most of them were caused by ignorance, and not malice. Yes there are absolute assholes out there, but personally I can count those people I’ve encountered on one hand (I am not speaking for everyone, though). The vast majority of racism, bigotry and general harmful acts come from a place of ignorance, particularly on left-leaning tumblr (to clarify, this discussion is centered around well-meaning people and not the actual lost causes). When I say ignorance, I don’t mean a lack of education or intelligence, I mean not being able to see or understand an issue from another person’s perspective. It’s not quite the same as empathy either (where empathy means you are able to feel another person’s emotions), but fighting ignorance does require empathy. It also requires knowledge on the context of the specific situation, and that I believe is the crux of the problem. I think the main reason why this is issue is particularly prevalent in the DA fandom is a result of the too-close-to-reality-to-ignore inspirations that have been confirmed by the devs. Yes, it’s fiction, but there are also a lot of people that see themselves (mis)represented in the themes and characters. And what one person sees as disrespectful, another person may not see at all. This can come full circle, too, for example: one person sees themselves and their trauma represented in a character, another person sees their race misrepresented in the same character. Person 1 uses the character as a comfort character or coping strategy. Person 2 thinks using that character in certain situations is disrespectful. Neither one sees the other’s perspective. This is where intersectionality starts to come into play, and requires empathy and effort to address the intentions and emotions of the other person. Perhaps person 1 is LGBTQ+ and has been traumatized by being as such, and uses Dorian as a character to explore their trauma. Perhaps person 2 is Brown, and racism towards their people is their trigger, and thinks person 1 did not do Brown representation justice in their creative works. Looking at this more specifically, person 1 may have put Dorian in sexual situations. Person 2 feels that the way it was conveyed was fetishist or exotified. Person 2 doesn’t know person 1′s intentions. Person 1 is not aware of certain descriptions that are racist (e.g. using food to describe a PoC’s skin tone). Perhaps person 1 was self-inserting and wanted to feel desirable on their own terms, but this gave person 2 that squick factor. Now person 2 wants to address this issue, and I think this is where a call-in (not a call-out) would be appropriate. Here is a good infographic that compares the two:

(Original source)

Note that there is quite a large difference in the language used. Going back to the above example, person 2 could privately message person 1 asking them why they chose to represent Dorian the way they did, with specific examples, and using call-in language (and I’m going to get back to this in a minute).

The point of this post and infographic isn’t meant to tell marginalized groups how they should be bringing up issues (though it is a good guide if you are concerned about being polite, particularly to a first time offender), it’s intended to demonstrate to people unintentionally participating in harmful behaviour what a call-out vs. call-in looks like. For PoC and other marginalized groups, yes it does take emotional labour to use call-in language and to try to understand someone that wounded you (here is a good read that incorporates the concept of emotional labour for call-ins, and discusses asking yourself if you are ready to do so). For the people who have unintentionally hurt a marginalized individual or group, please understand that someone calling you in is not an attack, it’s a chance to explain why you expressed something the way you did.

That being said, we may have reached another hurdle. What if you call someone in, and the person called in does not want to discuss the fact that they were inserting their personal trauma? I think this is where things start to get a bit messy, but I am of the opinion that if you’ve unintentionally triggered someone else’s trauma through ignorance present in your work, you owe it to them to at the very least mention that you were inserting your trauma, without having to bring up specifics (anyone is allowed to set boundaries). From there, the discussion can be hopefully be opened up to learning from each other, and reaching a consensus. Sometimes that consensus requires the creator to edit or remove their work. As an addendum, if you are a creator that unintentionally hurt someone with your work that didn’t have an ulterior personal motivation, it’s your responsibility to understand why what you did was wrong, apologize, remove the work and do better next time. I know some people cherish their OCs, but you are allowed to change your perspective and make adjustments to your character without erasing them entirely. Now we’ve reached another potential obstacle - what if an offender doesn’t respond to your call-in? First of all, ask yourself, did you actually call them in, or did you attack them? Here is a good opinion piece from a Black professor on this matter. I’d like to clarify that I am not trying to tone police, I am speaking as someone that used to go ham on ignorant people on Facebook and Reddit, and has since changed their tactics and has even gotten through to Trump supporters (some of this stems from my spiritual growth as well, but that is not the point here). There is another issue to address here now as well - what if you have tried, repeatedly, to call someone in and they just don’t change their behaviour? Alright, then it’s probably time to call them out. But again, ask yourself, did you truly try to get through to them? If so, well, at the end of the day, some people are, unfortunately, lost causes. In summary, a call-in is meant to come from a place of wanting to help someone who has seemingly gone astray, because you are worried about their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours towards a marginalized group. You know that if they made a mistake it isn’t them, isn’t their heart, and you want them to be able to understand why what they did hurt others, and give them the chance to correct themselves. It comes from a place of love and acceptance, because you don’t want your friends to harbour negative beliefs. Finally, I want to give a real example of this in action. My cousin is a photographic artist, and was recently called in to discuss the nature of one of her pieces. Her subjects are usually people, and they come from a wide variety of backgrounds. To help support BLM (she does a lot of work to help fight racism in general), she auctioned off one of her pieces. The subject of the piece happened to be a Black woman. She was called in by Black members of her art community to discuss how people bidding on an art piece that featured a person from a marginalized group perpetuated the ogling and monetization of Black people. She gave a response that acknowledged that her piece did perpetuate this issue, because she wanted to raise awareness of this historical harm, and recognized that her intention was ignorant of this perspective. The Black community also acknowledged that the piece itself was not harmful in any way, only that the surrounding issue that they were painfully aware of needed to be brought to light. The auction went ahead, and the piece sold for ~$1000, all of which was donated to BLM. I think as a fandom we should be cognizant of when a work itself is harmful, or when the intention is harmful. Sometimes they overlap, sometimes they don’t. Both are talking points, and we should not be afraid to discuss them, but this requires respect from all parties. We also do need to be able to recognize what is strictly fiction, versus what has real-world impacts. My askbox is always open and my DMs are open to mutuals if you would like anything clarified or expanded upon. Or, if you’d just like to discuss a topic, vent, or have any questions about my own beliefs, you are welcome to reach out. I am happy to discuss anything, as long as there is mutual respect.

#fandom critical #da fandom #da fandom critical #fandom racism #tw: racism #tw: trauma #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #call out culture

191 notes · View notes

gasp-iwrotesomething · 4 years

Note

So I’ve felt like crap the whole weekend! So no pressure haha but could I get a bit of Helena and Alex Cyprin becoming friends. I liked the one with Helena and Xenia but I think these 2 would get along really well. Thank you

Aw, that’s a total bummer, anon! I hope you’re feeling better now. And don’t worry, no pressure taken, I’d be happy to write this for you! Thank you for your request and I hope this can cheer you up after a crappy weekend!

Summary: Helena Klein had just arrived in New York for a deserved vacation with her wife when she runs into the dashing demigod Alex Cyprin. Right away there’s a bond that’s formed between the two of them that makes Helena feel sincere camaraderie unlike any other--is this the beginning of a wholesome friendship or is the excitement of traveling rubbing off on Helena?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmmm... Helena’s ivory fingertips caress the delicate petal of a magnolia, her mind buzzing with the choices she’s given. There was the milky white magnolia which represented purity and nobility, along with the love of nature--a touch that Helena thought fitting for her wife. Beside it stood a cluster of fiery red amaryllis’ and they symbolized love and brilliant beauty--a description her wife tailored to perfectly. But the calla lily stole Helena’s attention most, with its silken appearance and beautifully white petal. She taps her chin thoughtfully. Just then, the bell overhead the door tinkles with the arrival of a new customer and the girl behind the counter welcomes them with a smile. Helena glances over her shoulder to see a person with some of the most beautiful eyes the sorceress had ever seen--like a puddle of rose wine flickering around the shop. When they fall on Helena, she offers a polite smile and nothing more--she had been caught staring after all. The person reciprocates it and to her surprise, they approach her out of curiosity. Though she realizes that their wine eyes are settled on the flower Helena was still stroking. “Are you going to buy those?” They ask, tone benign, as they flash a smile. Helena can’t help but smile back--their smile was effortlessly contagious. “I am unsure actually,” Helena spins back to the array of beautiful flowers, their diversity a spectacle all on its own, “do you wish to purchase one of these bouquets?” She glances at the wine-eyed wonder to find their features sharply speculative, their strawberry eyes studious. It was calculative and seemed like an expression they wore often; as if their day-to-day life required continuous scrutinizing and logic. Now that I notice that, the suit they’re wearing seems to be a professional touch; they must work in a field involving formality.

“Hmm... why are you wanting a bouquet of flowers? For a loved one maybe?”

Their question revives Helena’s attention and she glances at the them beside her. Strangely enough, their gaze is serious and holds little mirth--they were serious. They truly want to help me. Charmed, Helena relays the receiver of her flowers and a brief description of MC. The more she speaks, the wider the smile on their face grows; mutual rejoice for the fact that Helena found someone to talk so highly of. By the end, they seem as though the answer was now ingrained in their and selected just from a quick description. “She sounds like an incredible person. I can understand why you’d want to gift her some flowers, it’s more than she deserves.” They appraise and Helena nods, smiling happily. “Yes, she’s the most incredible person I know.” Helena coos, her ocean blue eyes distancing as she imagines her wife’s beautiful face. “That’s so sweet. Now,” her advice-giver retains to the flowers Helena had been browsing and gestures to the cluster of flowers neighboring them; a rainbow of roses all swarmed together. “I suggest you pick something simple but meaningful. Something that shows her how much you value her and how much you love her. Nothing is more swaying than a single rose.” They advise as they vigilantly take a lavender rose from the thicket and offer it to Helena, who accepts it with a surprised smile. “Really? I suppose I should have pertained to something more meaningful than materialistically plentiful, huh?” That prompts a small but stifling chuckle from the flower expert, their shoulders shaking with the concept. A smirk accompanies their next words; one that insinuates that their personality is heavily composed of the honed swoop of their lips.

“That’s something my wife would say, weirdly enough,” they shake their head slightly as their wine-tinged eyes sing with a pleasant memory, “it’s like you two have parallel thinking or something.” Helena inhales the sweet aroma that whispers from the rose as she chuckles lightly, eyebrow perching just a bit. Whoever this person was, they were fun to be around--a real lantern of careless fun that Helena could bask in without shame. Wait, have I even learned their name? “My apologies but I don’t believe I caught your name--I’m Helena.” She outstretches her hand for them to shake and they except it without hesitation, their hand companionable clasped in hers. “Nope, definitely didn’t introduce myself yet. I’m Alex Cyprin; it’s a pleasure to meet you, Helena.” Alex--with their crown of proper epithet placed on their head--turns back to the roses and selects a couple red along with a sprinkle of red and a dash of lavender. “Shopping for your wife too, I presume?” Helena quizzes as Alex rearranges the flowers in their arms, eyes scanning the price of each--the gears turning in their head was practically tangible. They must be calculated on a daily basis or something like that. “Yep. Our anniversary is coming up and I want to make it special for her.” They speak as they grab a couple more roses and add them to the ones perched in their arms. Helena’s eyes orbit back around to the flower in her hand and she studies it, trying to recall what a lavender rose meant. “It says ‘I’m enchanted by you’ in flower language,” the demigod prefaces upon spotting the look on Helena’s ivory face, “it also symbolizes love at first sight. Basically everything you’d ever want to say to your wife, who I assume you treasure.”

Absentmindedly, Helena nods and examines the flower all the while Alex packs together a bouquet of roses. The sorceress was dreaming about the gratitude that MC would gleam, of how wide her wife’s smile would be once she presents her with the flower--of the sincere love that’d infatuate her eyes as she listens to what the lavender rose meant in terms of a gift. The imagery was all too appeasing to her heart and soul to decline. “Thank you for your help, Alex, I sincerely appreciated it.” Helena smiles softly at Alex as they tuck the bouquet in their arms and file towards the counter--Helena following them with her own singular flower in hand. They smile and give Helena’s shoulder a sincere pat. “No problem. I enjoyed your company, Helena.” The cashier types their bouquet up into her pad to allow it to calculate the total, her face ashine with a smile that seemed to be forever plastered on her face. “Oh and before I go...” Alex snags a bundle of flowers near the counter and sheepishly hands them to Helena, their smile shy. “They’re on me.” They consult the cashier and she adds the bouquet to their balance, while Helena shakes her head furiously. “No, that’s not necessary, I-!” Alex shushes her by handing her the bouquet and giving her an insistent grin, wide and unhindered. “Please, it is the least I can do for you for being such a nice person to me.”

As they turn to exit the flower shop, they glance over their shoulder at Helena, arms laden with flowers. “Until next time, Helena.” Alex chirps, a fond smile etched into their features. “You too, Alex.” She reciprocates politely. Then, as Helena goes to further examine the bouquet, Alex makes their escape. Helena’s heart flutters with Alex’s kindness and she smiles to herself, brushing her fingers over the silken petals. Suddenly, as if in conjunction to Alex’s absence, Helena recalls what the flower symbolizes. Prosperity, fortune, and... friendship. The sorceress cradles the bouquet closer and inhales the sweet aroma, her steps lighter as she approaches the counter with the lavender rose she was to buy MC and the bouquet Alex gifted her.

Helena hoped that she’d see them again--they seemed to be a good friend to have. Those were hard to come across these days but there they were, like a beacon of hope for a world MC had rattled on about having ‘lost her faith’.

All in all, Helena was happy that she took a detour to the flower shop that day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you again for your request! This was a lot of fun to write Helena and Alex’s dynamic (if it was canon lol)!

If you want to request something, here’s the Prompt List, here are the Guidelines, here’s Who I Write For, and here is where you can Request me.

#helena klein #alex cyprin #love and legends #astoria fates kiss

6 notes · View notes

thedistantstorm · 4 years

Text

Project Compass 22

Read along on AO3 Here

<< Previous Chapter << >> Next Chapter >>

This time: Ezra demands answers from Eli.

Next time: Maybe Thrawn was right.

The medbay was quiet when Ezra finally made his way in. There was a lingering fear of what he’d find, but he pushed it back. Nothing could have been worse than what he’d seen. Even aboard the bridge of the Chimaera, when the purgill’s tails held him in place, he’d never seemed truly helpless. And that, Ezra had decided, rivaled the Grysks he’d encountered in terms of terror. Beings like Thrawn just weren’t supposed to be like that.

Ezra quietly opened the door that separated the bay Thrawn had been assigned from the rest of the medical quarter. He wasn’t surprised to see Thrawn asleep, but he was surprised to see Un’hee. She moved fast.

The small Navigator had already pulled a chair up as close to the edge of the bed as she could so she could wrap her hands around the arm that was not being used to administer medications. She lifted her head when she heard him, her forehead bowed to touch the top of his hand.

“Hi,” He said softly to the girl.

“Hi,” She echoed back as Ezra inspected Thrawn. The slightest peek of bandages were visible, but they, like the sheets pulled over him, were a stark, unblemished white. “Did they tell you?”

“Yeah,” Ezra said in relief, grabbing a chair and moving it closer with an easy wave of his hand. He dropped into it on Thrawn’s other side. In Basic, he added, “Thank the Force.”

Un’hee dipped her head, almost seeming pensive, just for a moment. “Yeah,” She echoed. “I was really worried.”

Ezra didn’t reach out to touch Thrawn, not wanting to overstep his boundaries. They weren’t touchy people. He leaned back into the chair and crossed his arms, drawing the Force up and around them. Un’hee, he realized, felt weird. Electric. He’d never felt her like this before. Maybe it was a lingering panic? “Are you okay?” He asked her, tilting his head. “I know that was really scary,” He added.

She nodded slowly. “I am fine,” She said. “I was scared,” She admitted. “I still am. I don’t want anything like this to happen again. Not to anyone.”

“Me either,” Ezra agreed. “I’m going to keep an eye on him. This never should have happened,” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have turned my back on him. I never sensed his ill-intent toward Thrawn, not even at the end when he grabbed me.”

“Chiss are difficult to sense, even to each other,” Un’hee whispered warily. “I felt like something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was until it happened.”

“You saved him, though,” Ezra said. “If you hadn’t known how serious it was - what it was,” He revised, “They never would have made an antidote in time.”

The Chiss girl frowned, looking into Thrawn’s sleeping face. Unlike Ezra, whose face went slack and serene when he was unconscious, Thrawn retained that same sternness, his lips held in a serious line despite the rest of his face being smooth and impassive. “I’m just glad they did,” She said softly, evenly. She pressed her forehead back against Thrawn’s arm where it lay above the thin white sheet and blanket and remained silent for a long, long time.

That was fine. Ezra used the time to immerse himself in much-needed meditation. The Chiss’s deep-sleeping breaths were a balm for his anxiety, and an anchor to prevent him from slipping down into the Force too deeply. He refused to let his guard down. If Ar’alani was concerned, this wasn’t a drill. Thrawn - hell, both of them were probably still in danger. Ivant might have thought that an attack would be directed at him, but Ezra couldn’t help but feel like an attack on Thrawn was more of a show of their displeasure at the Chiss bringing him back after things with the Empire went wrong.

He exhaled in frustration, all but hearing his master’s knowing hum. Right, Ezra thought. Get back on track. Give it to the Force. There’s nothing he could do about that now. He was here in this moment, and so was Thrawn. It was up to Ezra to make sure nobody got another opportunity to do something like this, antidote or not.

“You need to sleep,” Vah’nya instructed him after a lengthy silence. She tucked her legs beneath her as she sat, having just exchanged his most recent mug of caf for a cup of calming wintermint tea, “Or, you need to get over yourself and go sit with him.”

Commenting on something else entirely, he began, “Where’d you-”

“The Admiral gave me a few sachets,” She admitted, then pressed, “She’s not stupid, you know. For now, all we can do is wait for the remainder of the chemicals to run their course.”

“I know,” Eli looked up at the ceiling, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The Admiral said that, too. I just,” He sighed. “It’s easier said than done.”

The Senior Navigator exhaled slowly. “Do you wish to speak about it?”

“Not really,” Eli admitted.

Vah’nya hummed, rubbing at a scratch in the well-worn mugs she’d managed to get from the Admiral’s office. She didn’t look up at him right away when she spoke. “Your officers said you didn’t panic. That is a big feat,” She finished, gracing him with a smile. It was a bigger distraction than the more obvious topic, the actual big-ticket item: Un’hee and her newly manifested abilities.

He bit hard, and she saw through the mild irritation in his tone, “I couldn’t have panicked, Vah’nya. We’d have had bodies, plural, on our hands.”

She hummed. “Exactly. You are a good commander, Eli. Your actions-”

“A good commander would have seen what was going on before it happened,” The human spat. There was the temper. Vah’nya hid her smile with a pointed sip of tea. “Thrawn never would’ve let something like that happen to one of his officers.”

“Thrawn never would have known what that was,” Vah’nya reminded him. “Maybe he’d seen it in some report, but I doubt he would have known the amount that could kill someone instantly, like you and Un’hee did. It isn’t documented.” Her eyes were wide, their glow bright in the dim light of the empty ready room that would serve as his interim office. She leveled him with a serious gaze. “You didn’t hesitate.”

“No, but now I get the stigma of killing my second officer on the bridge of my own damn ship. As if being this,” He gestured to himself like he was some sort of freak, “Wasn’t enough.” Some of the more prejudiced Chiss definitely saw him that way, and he’d never quite gotten used to their open disdain.

“Well, if you were going to get heat for it,”Un’hee reminded him patiently, “Admiral Ar’alani would have already punished you herself. This is not your Empire. We are flawed, Eli, but I would hope we are better than the worst of what you’ve left behind.”

At that, the Captain leaned forward, finally picking up the mug of tea. “It is,” He began. “You are. I just-” He sighed again. “I don’t mean to be like this,” He said. “Not to you.”

“I know,” Vah’nya said. “Which is why you should go see him. You’ll never calm down until you do,” She reminded him kindly. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I saw him already, Vah’nya. I watched Un’hee work. I know he’ll be alright.”

“So?” She smiled again, both soft and understanding. “I know for a fact there is a difference between sitting with someone you care about with and without the Admiral watching. Not that I believe she would judge you, but, some things are private.”

Eli nodded, looking down into his cooling tea, as if the murky green-blue-brown color of it would hold some answers for him. If anyone understood that, it was Vah’nya. Vah’nya who had sat with him for so many of those long nights during his recovery, mindful of the boundaries between friendship enhanced by suffering and polite concern when others were watching. Theirs was a bond forged by mutual pain, by memories remembered if only to prevent the same fate from befalling someone else, and a determination to live when everything else had failed.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked her when she’d finished her tea. He was trying to be light about it, so she played along like a true friend.

She inclined her head. “Of course, Eli.” When he rose, she followed, stopping only to place her hands on his shoulders in a show of support. “You are not alone,” She reminded him.

Eli covered her hands with his. “I know,” He said, squeezing. “Thank you, Vah’nya.”

Jerked from meditation by the sound of approaching footsteps, Ezra found himself meeting the gaze of a hesitant looking Captain Ivant. He rose, stiffening to attention. On the other side of Thrawn’s bed, Un’hee was asleep, curled in her chair, still halfway attempting to hold the unconscious Chiss’s hand. Somehow, Ezra knew if Thrawn were awake, he’d very much dislike the clinginess of it, but would probably bear the discomfort for the girl’s sake.

“Any changes?” Ivant asked.

“No,” Ezra said, sitting back down but not quite relaxing. “Any questioning you’ll need to do about what happened will have to wait.”

Eli frowned. “I’m not here to question him,” He assured. “I was just worried.”

“You weren’t worried when it happened,” Ezra accused quietly. “Convenient.”

The older human’s eyebrows rose. “What? What do you mean I wasn’t worried. Of course I was. He’s a part of my crew. He’s my responsibility.”

“Yeah, he is,” The Jedi agreed, careful to keep his voice low enough to prevent him from waking Un’hee. He seemed to consider something for a minute before finally motioning to the door. “I need to talk to you. Outside.”

Vah'nya appeared behind Ivant, her head tilted in a wordless question. Ivant shook his head once, decidedly. “Okay,” He said. “Let’s step outside.” To Vah’nya, he added, “Stay in here until we come back, okay?”

She confirmed she would, and Ivant led Ezra out of the medbay and into the nearest vacant service corridor. When it was clear they were alone, Ivant turned back to him expectantly. “What is it?” He asked, concerned.

“I guess I should apologize now, since you’re my superior officer-”

“Just say what’s on your mind,” Ivant waved away the Jedi’s attempt at formality.

Ezra evaluated him for a few seconds. “Well, why were you coming to see him? You knew he wasn’t going to be awake, so why now?”

A hint of discomfort echoed through Ivant’s tone, disguised as formality. “Is it alright if I worry about my subordinate, Jedi Bridger?”

“Yeah,” He began, “I mean, yes, sir.” He shrugged, then commented mildly, “I guess it’s like this is just… routine to you. Like it’s nothing that Thrawn almost died.”

Eli’s frown deepened. “It’s definitely not nothing, Ezra,” He relented. “But the situation with Thrawn is complicated, and not really your - or anyone else’s business.”

“Right.” Ezra said. “Well, all I’m saying is that you don’t get to pick when it’s convenient to care about someone. You either do, or you don’t.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Ivant refuted, meeting the steely gaze of his lone human counterpart, assessing how he appeared to be feeling.

“Right,” The Jedi muttered again. “Sure.”

“You’re pissed at me,” He said. “I get it. This happened on my ship, on my bridge. It’s my responsibility.” He considered adding that he was furious at himself as well, but it wasn’t the time. This wasn’t about him.

Ezra put both hands on his hips. His captain was absolutely right. “Of course I’m pissed, and yeah, this is on you!” That wasn’t completely fair, but with a target to direct his anger, Ezra couldn’t help himself. “How did this get under your nose without you knowing about it? He was your second officer!”

Ivant agreed, that was a fact. “He was. Commander Wes’lash’andi was a smart officer, and he would have gone far if not for what he’d done.” The Captain said, focusing only on the facts. Ezra was compassionate and strong. And more than anything, he was well and truly loyal to Thrawn, his entry point into this end of the Galaxy. He cared about helping the Ascendancy, but Eli knew it was deeper than that. Thrawn had been willing to abandon his principles to try and salvage a downright evil situation, for sake of what he believed to be the greater good of the galaxy. He’d lost his way, that was never a question. Still, he wasn’t irredeemable. Ezra’s being here proved that.

“And he almost killed Thrawn.”

“I was there, Bridger,” He replied immediately, an edge to his tone. “As for your question of how this happened, what do you think?”

“Well we can’t ask Commander Slasha,” Ezra’s eyes flashed.

“No, we can’t.” Then, in Basic, a language hardly any of the crew could understand, much less speak, Ivant continued. “He had Grysk poison, Ezra. We found more in his bunk. Not enough to kill everyone on board, but certainly enough to take out another fifty members of our crew. Do you have any idea how that much of something gets aboard a ship like the Compass?” He paused after asking, brows steep, eyes cold.

“I-”

Vanto spoke over whatever half-cocked answer Ezra was trying to formulate. “The answer is not alone. It would have had to have come through another ship. Another crew. Someone brought it to him.”

“What about when we were docked?”

“Doubtful. Copero is a military shipyard. Their protocols are too strict.”

Ezra considered. “Then via shuttle? We would have seen a Grysk ship.”

“It wouldn’t be a Grysk ship,” Eli said, resisting the urge to shake the young man by the shoulders, roughly. “Think.”

It didn’t take the Jedi long to put it together. “They - their client species,” He said softly. “One of them?”

“Correct.” Ivant crossed his arms. “Which one?”

“I don’t… anyone could meet him in the hangar with a non-descript ship.”

“We have surveillance in the hangar. Not anyone.”

“Well, the Chiss don’t just work with anyone,” Ezra sassed back, then recoiled, remembering he was speaking to his superior officer.

Eli didn’t comment on the tone, instead asking, “You understand now, Bridger?”

“Why would someone do this to their own people?” Ezra looked confused. Conflicted. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“There’s never just one.” Eli leaned against the wall. “Emperor Palpatine is willing to work with the Grysks to get Thrawn back. Both sides think they can work over the other to come out ahead.”

“And… you’re saying that whoever in the Ascendancy who is willing to work with the Grysks is thinking the same thing?”

The boy was smarter than he acted sometimes, Eli would give him that. He wondered absently if this was a bit how Thrawn thought of him in their academy days, when Eli himself had to be led point by point to a conclusion. He’d like to think he was a little more analytical, but he highly doubted it.

“Yes.”

“Do you think they can?””

To that, Eli frowned, his expression shifting from wary to stormy and dark. “No,” He said. “I don’t think so.”

“But you did. You and Vah’nya came out ahead.”

Unfortunately, Ezra didn’t miss Eli’s shudder. “Our escape from the Grysks, our ability to kill them at all was a miracle. Our survival even more so. If the Grysks are working with a faction or family within the Ascendancy, they will believe they have control, that they’re capable of the deception.”

“But you did,” He argued.

Eli stopped him there. “I didn’t. I supplied the data to find Thrawn. I gave them the formulas, the tools. I never gave myself enough access to key data, never let myself memorize it. So even if they ripped my mind to shreds,” He paused, something haunted in his eyes making Ezra swallow hard, “They probably wouldn’t have been able to find the Chimaera before Ar’alani got to it. It was just an added bonus that the Grysks were arrogant enough to think I was a mere hireling for the first bit. They won’t make that kind of mistake with actual Chiss. And certainly not with Chiss of any significant power.”

The Jedi toed a scuff on the floor with his boot, obviously trying to process that information, likely to inform Thrawn as soon as the other man was awake. “Ar’alani - er, Admiral Ar’alani asked me to keep an eye on Thrawn.”

“Good,” Eli said. “I figured you would have.” He motioned to the exit to the service hallway. “Can we go back and check on the Commander now?”

“I suppose.”

The look Eli received before the Jedi turned away from him was full of suspicion and defensiveness. Ezra might trust his judgement when it came to the Ascendancy and their enemies, but he clearly didn’t trust Eli personally. Eli sighed silently, rubbing at his temples as he followed along behind Ezra. It didn’t look like he would be able to visit Thrawn peacefully after all.

#thranto #mitth'raw'nuruodo #ezra bridger #ar'alani #eli vanto #un'hee #eli vanto/thrawn #sw fanfiction #my writing

5 notes · View notes

thiswaycomessomethingwicked · 4 years

Text

@dykeofwellington

#he’s no better than any other politician

#and is indeed actively worse than quite a few

#politics

#us politics I am curious as to why you think he’s actively worse than someone like Steyer, or Tulsi Gabbard, or simply in general. Why do you feel he’s actively worse than the rest? I would also love to know who you think is the best choice out of the lot? and you’re reasoning behind that?

Hey for some reason I can’t reblog the post where you asked the above about Bernie. I’m going to give a very brief rundown of thoughts.

First, let’s clear up some rather broad, assumptions made:

am curious as to why you think he’s actively worse than someone like Steyer, or Tulsi Gabbard, or simply in general. / Why do you feel he’s actively worse than the rest?

I never said any politician’s name. Just a general indication that he’s worse than a few. I think it’s interesting you assumed I meant those two and not that he’s worse than, let’s say, Julian Castro.

I clearly said “no better than any other politician” which puts him on equal footing with Warren etc. so this assumption: Why do you feel he’s actively worse than the rest? is unwarranted.

What I was saying was basically - no better than e.g. Warren and worse than quite a few e.g. Castro, Clinton (I know, come fight me leftists who drank the almost 30 years of GOP koolaid on her) etc.

A quick rundown of issues I have with Bernie include, but are not limited to:

Inability to deal with sexual harassment in his campaign in a meaningful way (he apologized and such, but there’s not to my eyes been a significant change)

General sexism in his campaign as well as sexism displayed by followers. He’s just got a sexism issue overall.

Lack of meaningful, recent civil rights record

Unwilling to coalition build with colleagues in government (a profoundly necessary skill if you want to get anything done as president). Basically, he’s not a team player. We need team players. Team players is how DC works. (e.g. “Ms. Clinton, pointing out that Mr. Obama had to fight tooth-and-nail even for relatively centrist solutions such as the Affordable Care Act, draws the lesson that the next president must have a strong sense of practicality and realism; big rallies cannot wish away the complex politics of Congress. Mr. Sanders, by contrast, claims that Mr. Obama had insufficient revolutionary zeal.” Sanders’ view is not helpful nor realistic.)

Lack of passing meaningful policy/legislation in his 25 years as senator which indicates an overall inability to solve issues within the existing system as well as a manifestation of the above mentioned inability to coalition build. While many senators propose many bills and pass few (that’s kind of par for the course) Sanders’ are particularly lack lustre. Of the seven enacted of which he was primary sponsor, three were designations (S. 885, H.J.Res. 231, S. 893) and one was a national park boundary movement (H.R. 1353).

Bernie Sanders was the primary sponsor of seven bills that were enacted:

S. 885 (113th): A bill to designate the facility of the United States Postal Service located at 35 Park Street in Danville, Vermont, as the “Thaddeus Stevens Post Office”.

S. 2782 (113th): A bill to amend title 36, United States Code, to improve the Federal charter for the Veterans of Foreign Wars of the United States, and for other purposes

S. 893 (113th): Veterans’ Compensation Cost-of-Living Adjustment Act of 2013H.R. 5245 (109th): To designate the facility of the United States Postal Service located at 1 Marble Street in Fair Haven, Vermont, as the “Matthew Lyon Post Office Building”.

H.J.Res. 129 (104th): Granting the consent of Congress to the Vermont-New Hampshire Interstate Public Water Supply Compact.

H.R. 1353 (102nd): Entitled the “Taconic Mountains Protection Act of 1991”.

H.J.Res. 132 (102nd): To designate March 4, 1991, as “Vermont Bicentennial Day”.

Medicare for All: it’s an incredibly complicated thing to implement and I’m personally not convinced Sanders’ plan is the right approach, nor that it would pass congress when introduced.

Weak stance on gun control and relationship with the NRA

Tendency to shout over and shut people down, especially those asking questions he doesn’t want to answer

His lack of attempting to control his supporters - their misogyny and racism - are indicative of the kind of person running the campaign. These things rot from top down.

How powerfully his ego influences his actions, especially in 2016 when it took Obama hauling him into the white house before he finally stepped down and stopped running

That whole Russia murkiness

His continued view that the primaries are rigged when they aren’t, he just lost, is actively harmful

He has, or has benefited from, super PACs (he has some direct PAC contributions, but it’s not a large amount. Most of his benefits from PACs come in other forms than direct contributions).

So, this is not something I particularly care about overall, because running for president is expensive (which is a Problem), and it’s a current reality to campaign financing. But he made such a big deal out of it I take vindictive pleasure in him having them/benefitting from them because I can now corner Luke Savage at a mutual friend’s annual Christmas party and tell him to shove it up his arse.

Support of Gabbard who is a bit of a Russian plant (not to mention a terrible candidate overall)

He is old, he is white, he is straight, he is cis, he is male - we have the most diverse range of potential nominees and if we think he’s the Answer or Saviour there’s a lot of unpacking of internalized stuff that needs to happen.

A personal thing, but I really, really dislike his shoutiness. He reminds me of every socialist bro who has shouted down women and other marginalized people at parties I’ve been to (I know quite a few Jacobin/Socialist hacks e.g. aforementioned Luke Savage who uses the Sanders Certified approach If You Shout Enough They Can’t Get A Word In Therefore You Win to conversations and debates) and it leaves my skin crawling.

No policy to address the needs and interests of First Nations/Native Americans including living standards, water access, education, treaty rights, any sort of reconciliation and addressing the issue of colonialism and genocide etc. (I think Castro is the only one with anything addressing Native American needs)

Breach of Clinton’s campaign voter data. Super. Shady.

Ultimately, I’m not an idealist because idealism doesn’t make for good policy. While I dislike the term leftist because it invokes, to my mind, the blind, unthinking frothing wrath of Bernie Bros(tm), I do have leftist goals.

However, I am practical about the approach, which will almost always be incremental. It’s like building a house: you lay foundations before you start on the walls, roof and insulation. Bernie wants an instant house to appear out of no where. That’s not how life nor government, works.

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t push to improve things and make for a better world, a more just society. But the reality is: we have a system we must work within and so we need people who can do that effectively. That said, we can and should try to improve the system on the way, as well. But burning it down and starting from scratch is a pipe dream. Best lay it to the side and fight for things that can actually improve lives today. In the here and now.

in the end, I don’t like Bernie Sanders because he is an old, shouty white man driven by ego who is crude, mean, and isn’t a real democrat. I think we can do better.

My current list of choices for the Democratic nominee (which is open to change. It will depend on how debates play out and further policy details put forward by candidates):

Julian Castro (I like his platform the most; he has experience in DC from the Obama administration; knows how to be a team player; he’s young, intelligent and well spoken; has that “presidential” look that many voters like to see, which you know. Makes sense. Mostly I like his platform and everything I’ve heard and read about him has been positive. He also runs a (mostly) positive campaign! Unlike Some Old White Shouty Men. I can go on.)

Kamala Harris (She has a good platform with sound policy plans; she has grit and stamina needed to run against Trump; She runs a positive campaign - even using her funding to support other democrats currently primarying republicans/are just up for general re-election; she’s a senator so has experience and allies in DC with whom she can coalition build; she’s a team player; she will give us a good shot in Florida and N. Carolina; she has strong support from Black Americans who are the base of the democratic party; as DA she fought against prop 22 and prop 8 [yes, she’s not perfect as DA or AG but point to someone with a perfect track record. I’ll wait. I’m not here for perfection or purity politics, I’m here for someone who can win and will implement descent policy while in power], she pioneered one of the first open data initiative to expose racism in the legal system, lol she’s not a millionaire unlike Some Old White Shouty Man - which is neither here nor there for me personally, because again I’m realistic, just a refreshing thing. I can go on.)

Elizabeth Warren (I’m rather luke-warm on her but she’s better than the other options.)

My ideal ticket, currently, is: Harris/Castro.

Again - this is open to change. And, at the end of the day, I will vote for the democratic nominee in 2020 no matter what because we can’t have another four years of Trump.

#politics #us politics #i have voiced spicy opinions about Sanders I am prepared for the potential fallout

5 notes · View notes

jennifersylvesters · 5 years

Text

not so subtle - part five

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x reader Word Count: 7.2k~ oof Warning: swearing, angst at the end A/N: happy chrimas. it’s criman. merry crisis. merry chrysler. damn i wanted this to come out earlier, but i guess that’s life. i am what people would call, er, swamped. i kept having to push this back because i’ve been busy, but i definitely wanted to get it out before christmas. plz say a prayer for me this holiday season as i work two jobs. just kidding. kinda. hopefully you enjoy! like always, feedback is appreciated/loved aka i want it. please.

Things were different between you and Harrison now. You were convinced that all these minuscule moments added up and now actually meant something. What happened on Thanksgiving couldn’t have been a fluke. It was a moment.

Naturally you expected Harrison to text or call you. Any form of communication really. But after Thanksgiving nothing came. Despite your eagerness for something to occur, he seemed to be on a completely different wavelength. You told yourself that he wasn’t used to being in relationships, that this was a serious decision he wanted to take slow. Still, you wanted some sort of sign. Send an owl with a note, for fucks sake.

Except a week later, you begun having doubts. While tapping through Instagram stories, your jaw dropped as Harrison featured some random brunette. He was in a club, clearly drunk as he planted a kiss on her cheek. The girl giggled with absolutely no self control as Harrison boisterously cheered about Arsenal winning a game.

He was just having drunk fun. That’s alright. That’s totally fine.

Yet a couple days passed and you still received nothing but radio silence. Your hope was dwindling when you saw Harrison posted a new snap story one night. You quickly clicked on the circle, ignoring the homework scattered on your desk.

The phone screen changed to a video of Harrison lightly snoring with no shirt on. Oof. The screen then panned to a redhead who filmed herself kissing the top of his sleeping head before bursting into a smile. Your gritted your teeth as the next snap was a photo of Harrison sound asleep with heart emojis around his head. It was captioned “look how cute he is” with a heart eyed emoji.

So this was your sign. Reality sunk back in that Harrison was nothing more than a player and that you and Noah definitely misread the signs.

Santa, for this year I’d like a nice, faithful boyfriend. I’d also like to knock out Harrison Osterfield.

With Christmas approaching, you decided to hell with Osterfield. You couldn’t be concerned about a boy who wasn’t even trying to message you. Not that you were checking anymore. No, you needed to follow your original plan of just committing to your studies. And that’s what you did.

Most nights were spent wrapped up in the library or in your room studying, trying to make sure you knew all the material for your upcoming exams. Boys? Unnecessary distractions. Love? It didn’t matter. Did you really need it? No. But did you still want it? Unfortunately. God you felt pathetic.

It was inevitable that you would need to go out eventually, but you avoided it by all means. Why be miserable outside when you could wallow in self pity in the warmth of your apartment? The only time you bothered going out was to buy Christmas presents. While you knew you could order gifts online, you worried about whether the present would arrive before Christmas. No, you needed to brave the stores for this one.

You headed to a nearby shopping complex on the weekend, trying your best to pick nice yet affordable presents for your family and friends. It wasn’t like you could just ball hard with the measly amount in your bank account. As much as you loved Kimberly, there was no way you could buy her a new KitchenAid mixer like she talked about. You choked when you saw the discounted cost, shaking your head as you briskly walked away. She would just have to settle for a lovely apron instead.

Shuffling around the Target, you knew you neared needing a shopping cart as you attempted to balance multiple items in your arms. Even though you knew better, you still chose to browse the store pretending like your arms weren’t getting sore with the weight of the gifts.

Unable to see in front of you, you collided into someone causing all of your items to spill from your arms. Of course.

As you scrambled to pick up all your items, the other person quickly apologized and began helping you collect them. Picking up a pack of socks, you looked up to see a familiar face.

It was a boy in your lit course named Steven. Despite being a rather big class, he crossed your mind from time to time. Steven was one of those students who occasionally spoke and surprisingly had something intelligent to add to the conversation. While you didn’t know him well, what you did know was that he was incredibly handsome. It made sense why girls and some guys eyed him; his messy brown hair and crooked grin would make most people swoon.

Steven grabbed a shopping basket nearby, placing the items he grabbed into the basket. You politely thanked him as he handed the shopping bag to you.

“Oh, hey! You’re in my lit class” he noticed before you could walk away. “It’s...It’s Y/N, right?” You nodded, surprised that he remembered you. While you contributed in class from time to time, you only answered when you knew the answer in fear of looking like an idiot. “I’m Steven, by the way.” You nodded your head once more, not wanting to add that you already knew who he was. No way you planned on giving stalker vibes.

“Yeah, I’m just doing Christmas shopping for my family. Kinda struggling with the presents for some of the girls” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. You bit down on your lip as he stretched slightly, causing his shirt to raise and exposing a bit of skin. Lord, please control the thirst.

“Did you want any help?” you offered.

“Oh...Yeah! I mean, if you have time. I don’t wanna bother you or anything” he blushed, shrugging his shoulders in a nonchalant manner.

“No, it’s totally fine. I was just shopping for friends but I’m actually struggling with a couple of gifts for my guy friends.” You omitted how you weren’t sure what to get for a celebrity who had more money in his bank account than you’d probably ever see.

“I can definitely help with that if you want” he suggested. You accepted his offer, and the two of you begun wandering around the store to find the perfect gifts.

The next couple hours was spent scouring the store, helping one another decide what gifts would be best. You laughed at some of his suggestions, especially when he proposed trying on an Elsa dress to see if it was the right size for your cousin. He made you feel relaxed and it felt so easy to joke around with him. Things felt smooth and almost effortless around him. The longer time you spent with him, the more you understood his appeal.

By the time the both of you finished and paid, relief washed over you knowing that all of your Christmas shopping was complete. All you needed to do now was wrap them. Easy enough.

The two of you made your way towards the parking lot, slowing down once he pointed out he would be heading in a different direction than you.

“Hey, listen. This was really solid of you.” He lifted up the bags of goodies and smiled that crooked grin that had people swooning. Ooh. For a second, it got you too. “I probably would’ve messed this whole thing up.”

“It’s really no big deal” you waved off the comment.

“Well, it was to me.” The two of you shared a smile as you rocked back and forth on your heels. The look lingered a little longer than you expected, and you turned away. You didn’t want to be pulled back into another thirst trap. Not today. It wasn’t till he cleared his throat that you turned right back around. Perhaps a little too quickly. Damn it.

“So listen...There’s this white elephant party next Friday that a couple of my friends are throwing. Did you maybe wanna go with me? It’s always really fun, and my friend Toby always does a drunken karaoke performance of Cher - voice and all.” His invitation took you by surprise. You weren’t expecting to get invited to a party, especially seeing the two of you never hung out before now. But how could you say no?

“Yeah, I’d be down for that” you nodded. He smiled that ever popular smile and you felt your heart race. You hadn’t noticed before, but he had the cutest dimples.

“Great. Lemme just give you my number so I can text you the address.”

The two of you exchanged phone numbers, handing each other one another’s phones to speed up the process. As you finished saving your contact information, you heard someone call out your name.

A scowl instantly appeared on your face upon seeing Harrison approaching. Steven noticed as he glanced from you to the Brit.

Harrison raised an eyebrow as he came over, eying the pair of you. “Hey. I thought that was you. Haven’t heard from you in a while” he commented, placing a hand on your arm. Immediately you yanked away. Harrison blinked, pushing his now free hand into his pocket.

“Been busy.” It wasn’t much but it was enough for Harrison to realize that the two of you weren’t on good terms. He sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Ah, yes. So busy. Forgot how you just happen to live life in the fast lane” he sarcastically quipped before shaking his head.

You scowled once more, remembering the videos you saw of him. He had the nerve to act like those weren’t big deals? Not in your house. All you wanted to do was go back to mutually disliking one another. Couldn’t he extend the courtesy and do the same?

“Hi. I’m Steven” your classmate introduced himself to Harrison, extending out a hand.

“Harrison” he responded shaking hands. When they dropped, Steven placed his bags down and threw his arm around your shoulder while Harrison shoved his into his pocket once more.

You weren't really expecting Steven to do that, but the gesture wasn’t unwelcome. So you did your best to relax your shoulders, pretending like your relationship with Steven was more than just acquaintances.

“So how do you and Y/N know one another?” Steven asked leaning closer into you.

“We’re friends.” It was a curt response, causing you to scoff. When had the two of you become friends? If anything, your relationship was one of enemies. Friends? Please.

“Just ‘cause Tom and Emma are dating doesn't mean that we're friends.” The comment visibly irritated Harrison who ran a hand through his hair.

“Is that what you told Noah? Cause even he didn't seem to buy that” he snapped back.

“What does Noah know? He also thought we were d-” you stopped in your tracks, not wanting Harrison to know what Noah thought. The idea would've just make him laugh, suggesting that Noah was totally crazy. Yup, totally crazy.

“Noah thought what?” Harrison asked, clearly vexed about this scenario.

“It's nothing” you dismissed, but he wasn't giving up that easily.

“Noah thought what, Y/N?” he repeated himself.

“It was nothing. Just Noah jumping to conclusions.”

“You and I both know that kid wouldn't say anything without having a strong gut feeling.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Yes, I do! Noah isn’t that type of guy to start any drama” he argued, yanking at his hair once again. He was right, but you didn’t want him to have that satisfaction.

“We don’t know Noah that well.”

“Oh? Who’s th-”

“You know what? Fine. Think that about Noah if you want” Harrison cut Steven off, obviously having no interest in what the other boy planned on asking. Why was he acting like this, ramping up his douchebag attitude with every word? Why did he even bother approaching you in the first place? God, he made you furious. “Are you going to the Christmas party, Y/N?”

“I’ll see you if I see you” you responded coldly, not wanting to deal with Harrison any longer.

“So you’re going” he affirmed. When you didn't respond, he nodded his head. “Good. Should’ve expected it since your best friend’s one of the hosts. Well, I’ll see you there.” Before you could stop him, Harrison pushed Steven off of you. Your classmate stumbled back a bit, and Harrison took this time to quickly peck your cheek before turning on his heels and heading off.

You wiped at your face like a child, wishing he hadn’t done that. Still you couldn’t hide the tinge of pink that lit up on your face.

“What was that dude’s deal?” Steven asked, voice on edge.

“I’m so sorry. I dunno. He’s just my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. He just likes giving me a hard time” you explained. Was that all?

“He’s kinda an asshole.” He turned and looked at you before he continued. “No offense.” You didn’t realize your fists clenched upon hearing his insult. Were you getting mad about someone talking shit about Harrison? No, that didn’t seem like you. Of course you and Harrison were enemies. Steven wasn’t wrong. Right?

“Yeah...I guess” you responded, relaxing your hands.

“Hey. Thanks again.” And just like Harrison, he leaned in and kissed you on the cheek causing your face to flush. Oh okay. He grabbed the bags he set down before heading to his car. “See you in lit class” he called over his shoulder.

“See ya” you mumbled to yourself, unsure of what happened.

Harrison seemed to flood your social media feed after that incident. If you looked at Tom’s Instagram story, Harrison was always beside him. When you checked out Emma’s snaps, there was always a glimpse of the dirty blond in the background. He was everywhere. The worst was when he posted photos with different girls, all beautiful and all infatuated with Harrison. Did you expect anything less? In normal circumstances you’d be fuming at how Harrison acted. What kind of narcissistic asshole did that?

But things had changed. Even though he dominated your feed, it didn’t bother you much. By now Steven managed to creep up and occupy your thoughts and time, pushing Harrison to the side. After your holiday help, he constantly invited you to hang out.

From studying to group hangouts with his friends, you slowly joined Steven’s world. It was as if he brought you to a place you’d never been before. He was kind with you, always asking and praising your opinions. There was an ease to everything about him.

You loved talking with him and felt you could ramble without feeling embarrassed. In turn he trusted you with details about himself. You learned how he was fiercely protective of his younger sister, always intimidating boys who even looked her direction. He told you how he couldn’t stand the taste of kiwis and tomatoes, claiming they were disgusting. Whenever you studied and joked around, he laughed loudly and insisted you were one of the funniest people he ever met.

The more you learned about Steven, the more you wanted to stay a part of his life. It wasn’t just him. Even his friends welcomed you in with open arms. Of course it made sense that a great guy would surround himself with positive and warm friends.

You enjoyed this normalcy of having a regular crush. No worrying about embarrassing him at premieres. No panic about not fitting in due to your status. Simply put, there were no complications. Something about liking a hot guy who had a regular status felt so right.

During the night of the white elephant party, you rushed around the apartment while your roommate and her girlfriend relaxed on the couch.

“Where are you heading off to dressed like that?” Kimberly asked as you snatched up a discarded necklace from the coffee table and put it on.

“I’m dressed normal.” No, you weren’t. You chose your best outfit, something you felt complimented your body well. Content with the necklace choice, you searched for the perfect pair of earrings to complete your overall look.

“You’re dressed very cute. Like overly cute” Kimberly replied, now turning to sit up and watch you. “So where are you going again?”

“I’m going to a white elephant party. Um, Steven invited me.” You hastily scurried to your room to find your favorite hoops, hoping she wouldn’t pry. Of course you knew better.

“Steven, huh?” Sarah popped her head up from above the couch as well. “Who’s Steven?”

“Just this kid in my lit class” you brushed it off, doing your best to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. You found one hoop and begun searching for its missing pair.

“Just some kid, huh?”

“I mean, he’s cute” you admitted, finding the missing hoop and putting on your earrings.

Sarah and Kimberly said nothing, just sharing smiles with themselves before eying you as you exited your room.

“Stop looking at me like that.” You grabbed the gift you chose for the exchange off the kitchen counter. Hopefully someone would want a half-off hair straightener.

As you entered the living room, Kimberly and Sarah still focused on you.

“So what’s the deal with Steven? You’ve never talked about him before” Kimberly pointed out.

“To be fair, we just recently” - you paused, trying to figure out the right words - “became friends.”

“Ah, okay. Is he a nice kid?”

“Yes, mom. He’s a nice guy” you joked.

“And Harrison?” Sarah questioned.

“What about Osterfield?” you snapped, hands resting on your hips. Just the mention of his name brought you into a foul mood.

“Didn't you guys have that-”

“If Lil Shit wants to play around, I don't care.” The way your voice rose up an octave indicated otherwise. “I'm not gonna be one of his little flings who jumps on his dick whenever he calls.” The two of them exchanged glances. “Not that I would ever be” you added hastily.

“So who cares about his stupid Instagram stories and those really pretty girls? I don't care.” The couple raised their eyebrows in unison.

“I don't!” you insisted. “I'm gonna have a great time without that asshole. In fact, I’m gonna enjoy this party and not even think about Lil Shit. I'm allowed to suck whatever dick I wanna. And you know what? Maybe I will!”

“How very heterosexual of you” Kimberly dryly commented.

“I mean, if that's what your apparently horny heart desires,Y/N, go for it” Sarah shrugged.

“It is” you claimed, convinced that you didn't need Harrison in your life.

Jitters consumed you as your Uber dropped you off at the party. Even though you hung out with his friends, this felt different. It felt like an initiation to prove your worth even though you knew it wasn’t a serious occasion.

Ringing the doorbell, you fidgeted in your clothes. You found yourself second guessing your choices, but there was no turning back now. You could hear music playing throughout the house and it grew louder as someone opened the door.

“Hi. I’m Y/N. Um, Steven invited me?” you nervously introduced yourself to the stranger at the door.

You heard your name being shouted before Steven rushed over to the entrance. “Hey! You made it!” he exclaimed, pulling you in.

He began showing you around the place, introducing you to the friends you hadn’t met along the way. All of them were just as friendly as those you previously met, pulling you in for hugs and acting as if you were an old companion they hadn’t seen in a while.

Slowly you eased into the spirit of the party, finding it almost effortless to have a good time.

It didn’t go unnoticed how Steven kept his arm around your waist the entire night as the two of you stood around. When you were ushered to the couch by one of his friends, he pulled you close by his side.

This familiarity felt so warm and inviting, and you wondered if this was all in your mind or if he felt the same connection. You knew you couldn’t ask at that moment, at least not with the gathering going on. So instead you enjoyed yourself, laughing at the promised yet horrendous Cher performance by the infamous Toby.

After Toby took an elaborate bow, Steven lifted you out of the couch to perform a duet with him. You jokingly groaned, shaking your head. But with everyone cheering you on, you followed his lead to the front where he chose a mystery song claiming it was a classic. As “The Start of Something New” from High School Musical began playing, you burst into laughter. It was a good thing you knew it, playing up the part of an ever so shy Gabriella. Even so, you weren’t prepared for him to take your hand and twirl you around when the two of you sang in unison.

And you realized how fun this was with Steven. There was something about the way he kept holding your hand even after the two of you finished bowing and the way you could feel him watching you. It was simple yet held such significant meaning. At least you hoped it wasn’t just you.

When the party ended, Steven walked you outside where you waited on your ride. The two of you spoke about how finals were going and you laughed as he recalled an amusing event that happened in class a couple days prior.

Your fingers kept bumping into one another and you found yourself wanting him to grab your hand again. But in your mind you wondered: “Am I allowed to want more?” You knew that once you cared too much and it wasn’t reciprocated, you were playing yourself. “Please give me a sign” you prayed as his knuckles gently touched yours.

Steven slowly took your hand in his, intertwining fingers. You looked up at him and the two of you locked eyes. He slowly leaned in towards you, and your eyes fluttered shut at what you knew was coming.

It was a simple kiss, but it was enough to get your heart racing. An attractive boy was actually into you? And actually made a move? It felt like a dream, yet when your eyes opened there was Steven’s green eyes twinkling back at yours.

“I think you’re amazing” he whispered. You heard a car pull up to the curb, but you didn’t want the moment to end. He kissed you once more before finally letting go, allowing you to get in to your Uber.

He wished you a good night, closing the door for you. Once you were a couple blocks away, you realized you had been smiling so wide that your face was sore. So this was happiness? This was what it was like for someone to like you back? Oh, you could get used to that.

This was it. This was what you were waiting for. It wasn’t complicated. There weren’t any heartbreaks involved. It was nothing but pure bliss.

Even with exams around the corner, you obsessed over Steven. The two of you constantly texted one another, allowing you initial plan of being studious to fly out the window. Most days were spent being around him or thinking about him.

You felt bad not inviting him to Tom and Emma’s Christmas party, but he didn’t know about Tom. While you knew Tom wouldn’t mind another friendly face, you weren’t sure how Steven would react. Would he freak out and lose his mind? Or would he spit at Tom and tell him that his Spider-Man sucked? Obviously they were opposite ends of the spectrum reactions, but you didn’t want to deal with the potential chaos. Plus you wanted to keep Steven to yourself for just a bit longer. It was a bit selfish, but you were allowed to be. Right?

Plus one person you knew wouldn’t enjoy seeing Steven’s face.

You hadn’t seen him for a while, which honestly was fine by you. In fact, you hadn’t wanted to see him. After the white elephant party, your totally minor crush from before was long gone. Goodbye old terrible feelings. Hello horny new ones.

That was until the night of Emma and Tom’s party.

You flipped through channels on TV, waiting for Emma to arrive. The plan was for her to pick up and drive you, Kimberly, and Sarah to the party. The doorbell rang prompting you to click off the television before greeting Emma. Your face dropped when you opened the door revealing Harrison on the other side. God fucking damnit.

“Where’s Emma” you questioned, skipping the formalities of greeting him politely. He lost that privilege, especially after the last time you saw him.

“Helping Tom. She asked me to pick you guys up” he explained.

“Are you serious?”

“Yup.” He nodded his head, clearly enjoying the irritated confusion crossing your face. “Looks like I’m your ride. Or your knight in shining armor.”

“More like an idiot who happens to own a car.”

“Eh. Not your best insult.”

“That’s cause I’ve been too busy to perfect my lines.”

“Oh, so that was a line?” his eyebrow quirked up.

“Yeah, a line to have you fuck right off” you instantly responded, afraid he might’ve taken your last quip seriously.

“Aw, you can do better than that, Lil Skunk” he tutted, pretending to be disappointed.

“You don’t deserve my best, Lil Shit.”

“Oh, Harrison’s here” Kimberly piped up from behind you. Glancing back at her room, she called out “Sarah! Harrison’s finally here! Let’s go, babe!”

Why did Kimberly sound so nonchalant about Harrison’s arrival? She should’ve been shocked and outraged by his arrival. Perhaps not outraged but at least a little surprised. “You knew Osterfield was coming to pick us up instead of Ems?”

“‘Course we knew” Sarah revealed as she tugged on her jacket, pulling Kimberly’s door shut.

“And you didn’t tell me?” Your hands snapped to your waist, glaring at the group.

Kimberly shrugged while Sarah just let out a laugh. The trickery of them all.

The group shuffled out of the apartment and into Harrison’s car. As Sarah and Kimberly piled into the back, Sarah pulled the door close before you could follow. Yanking on the car door handle, you shouted for them to let you in, but they deviously shook their heads and pointed for you to sit in the front. Grumbling under your breath, you slid into the passenger seat.

On the car ride to the party, Harrison chatted with you despite your snippy tone and one-word retorts.

“Surprised you didn’t invite one of your ‘special’ friends” you grunted as you avoided his question about how exam were going.

“What’re you talking about?” Shit. You hadn’t expected Harrison to catch that bit. Guess he had better hearing than you thought.

“Those girls. From your stories” you elaborated just barely.

As he slowed down to a red light, he turned and fully looked at you. “Are you jealous?”

“Pfft! No! Why would I?” you sputtered. It was enough for Harrison to know better, know what you actually meant.

“Whatever you say, Lil Skunk.” He turned back to focus on driving, watching you fidget out of the corner of his eye.

When you finally arrived at the party, you hopped out only to get immediately greeted and hugged by Emma. She walked you around the house Tom rented for the night and you gawked at the glamorous sight. Tom spared no expense in decorating every inch of the place with Christmas trees adorned with ornaments and lights twinkling in every room.

The best part of the entire party had to be the open bar. Seeing as you hadn’t enjoyed Halloween’s drinking festivities, you planned on making it up during this party. Initially you ordered a spritzer, unsure if you really wanted to get drunk. Was that doing the most? Spotting all the couples in attendance, all concerns about going overboard went out the window. How in the world did everyone find someone to love them for the holiday season? You regretted not inviting Steven, wishing someone would wrap their arms around you by the fireside.

Strangely enough you found yourself spending most of your time with Harrison. He approached you after your third drink, this time a gin and tonic rather than a spritzer and with a heavy emphasis on the gin. Shoutout to Kenneth the bartender for the major hookup on that.

“What’s that - your fifth drink?” he asked with a cheeky grin.

“It’s my fourth, I’ll have you know” you corrected him, pointing his direction letting the drink slosh out of your cup.

“Ah, yes. Of course. How dumb of me. Sorry I couldn’t figure out how drunk you were.”

“M’not drunk!” you retorted indignantly.

“‘Course you’re not” he sarcastically agreed, sliding down to take a seat next to you.

The two of you proceeded to argue with one another from which drink was best for this party to the greatest video game of all time. Some things he would have agreed with you on, but he found it much more entertaining seeing you get riled up about your passions.

As you later waved your arm out to insist that Tom Hardy was the best Tom in the Marvel universe - Tom Holland included - you accidentally smacked Emma who rushed by.

“Sorry!” you slurred as Harrison took your cup from you so you could hug your best friend without spilling your drink all over her. “Didn’t mean to do that!”

“It’s alright, Y/N. Should’ve been paying attention, but I was kinda looking for someone to grab a couple more candy canes and cider for the party” she explained.

“I can do that!” you volunteered, raising your hand as if you were in class.

“You haven’t got a car” Harrison stifled a laugh.

“Even if you did, you’re not sober” Emma added.

You shook your head and slapped your cheeks. Quick fix. “I’m sober!” you insisted as Harrison laughed and Emma shook her head.

Standing up from the bar, Harrison pulled his keys from out of his pocket. “We can grab those things for you, Em.”

Oh, no. There was no way you were going with him. Shaking your head once more, you stomped your foot in irritation. “No, you go by yourself then. I’m not coming with you.”

“You’d leave me all alone and defenseless?” You bobbed your head up and down in response causing him to laugh again. “I’ll buy you those chocolate candy canes you love so much” he coaxed you. Had you told him your preference in candy canes or did he just remember? You weren’t sure. Still, you liked the idea of having those.

You paused, pretending to mull over the decision. “Fine, but I get shotgun” you announced. Harrison rolled his eyes and nodded. Of course you would get shotgun. Where else would you sit? The back? But in your drunken state you weren’t properly thinking things through.

Emma thanked the pair of you before hurrying off to help with hostess duties. Letting the alcohol consume your actions, you found yourself skipping to his car before jumping in.

“You’re like an Uber driver” you commented to Harrison, giggling at how funny you thought you were.

“Am I now?” he asked as he entertained your idea. He started the car and as he pulled out of the driveway, you nodded your head. “Would you give me a five star rating for driving you around?”

“No, you’d get a one. Get better playlists, Osterfield.” You laughed uncontrollably at the ridiculousness of it all while he laughed at your silliness, obviously enjoying every second of your drunk commentary.

When he parked in the grocery store lot, he helped open your door and watched you carefully as you fumbled out. As he placed a hand behind the small of your back, you found yourself leaning in towards him. Of course it was to steady yourself and nothing more. Of course.

The two of you shuffled around, him pointing out how you would get lost in the store without him as you argued that you could make your way around easily.

Somewhere down the line the bickering felt natural, no malice underneath either of you words. You weren’t sure when or how but now you found fighting with him oddly...Nice. What the fuck?

No, you weren’t going down that road again. You knew better. You reminded yourself that you had someone who cared about you that wasn’t going to toy with your feelings. Not getting played like Boo Boo the Fool this time.

The two of you split up as you insisted that you could find your favorite flavor without his guidance. When you finally found them, you grabbed a couple boxes letting them pile up in your arms. You turned around to find Harrison but instead spotted Steven a couple aisles down.

God, Steven looked so good. With a dark hoodie and a maroon beanie, he looked like a model that it took your breath away. Balancing the boxes in one hand, you were about to raise your free hand when a girl approached him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he turned her direction. Steven wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close before kissing her deeply.

Oh.

You sobered up quickly as you watched the scene unfold. As she pulled her head back and smiled up at Steven, he crinkled his nose before kissing her once more.

Oh.

The candy cane boxes tumbled out of your arms and crashed to the ground, yet the couple didn’t notice. The two were too preoccupied with one another’s presence, Steven cupping her face before she said something that made him pepper kisses along her jaw.

Oh.

“Lil Skunk, I found-” Harrison begun but saw you frozen in place and cut his sentence short. His eyes followed your stare to see what you saw. His eyes shut and he took a deep breath. When he opened them, he winced knowing that there was nothing he could really say to you in that moment.

Your heart pounded loudly and you struggled to breath. Your bottom lip trembled, still focused on the sight that was breaking you with every second.

Harrison quickly grabbed your hand, guiding you away from the scene. Still you couldn’t tear your eyes away from Steven and the beautiful girl he now laughed with. Was it the same things you laughed about at the White Elephant party? Or was she funnier than you? Were your jokes lame in comparison to hers? But the biggest question that haunted you the most kept repeating over and over: had that night and that kiss meant nothing to Steven?

It wasn’t until Harrison stepped to your other side, blocking your view of the couple, that you finally stopped staring.

As Harrison went to pay he held your hand in his, glancing at you every so often. Your eyes stared off into space, not focusing on anything in particular as you kept thinking about Steven and the mystery girl. You went through the motions as Harrison opened the car door for you, telling you to get in. He found himself repeating his words, instructing you to buckle your seatbelt until he finally watched you click it in.

The street lights washed over your face yet all you could do was thinking about the scene. As it replayed over in your mind, you felt almost numb. Your eyes glossed over, remembering how he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear before leaning in to kiss you. Had Steven meant it? Or were you the practice round for the real deal?

By the time Harrison parked outside the party, you still weren’t all there. It was as if your mind was preoccupied by the numbness to think of anything else. You could hear him calling your name, a clear concern when he repeated himself a third time. “We’re here. You can unbuckle your seatbelt.” When you didn’t move, he decided to release it for you. It slid off your chest and back into the holder, not phasing you in the slightest.

“I think you’re amazing” Steven’s words echoed in your mind. But do you?

You heard your name called and by the fifth time, you finally turned and looked towards Harrison. “Y/N-” he started, leaning towards you. Why was he looking at you like that? His pained expression only added to your confusion. You turned away, facing towards the window.

“I think you’re amazing.” Then why did you kiss her? Why did you look at her like that? Why were you holding her?

Without any prompt, you begun telling Harrison about the night of the white elephant party. As you spoke, you heard your voice getting heavier with each word. It felt like you were choking out every syllable until finally you couldn’t take anymore, and you finally broke. You burst into tears, sobbing heavily. Why couldn’t he have liked you? Why were you never the one?

So many questions filled your mind and it poured out in tears in response. You weren’t sure when it happened, but Harrison gently wrapped you in his arms, stroking your hair. You sobbed with only the sound of the boy next to you whispering to let it all out. And you did as you were instructed, crying harder and louder until you couldn’t cry anything else.

“I’m so sorry” Harrison murmured as he held you close. “I’m so so sorry.”

Once you exhausted yourself from crying, you felt your eyes growing heavy. You didn’t want to fall asleep, but there was something comforting about Harrison’s arms that you couldn’t help but doze off. All thoughts about the party, the mystery girl, and Steven vanished as your eyes shut.

When you finally opened your eyes, you realized you were no longer in Harrison’s car. Slowly turning your head, you blinked trying your best to wake up from your tired state. You looked up to see Harrison carrying you.

Noticing you stirring in his arms, he looked down and softly smiled at you. “I’m just bringing you back to your apartment, love” he explained. Oh, God. He hadn’t called you by that in a while. There was something about that nickname that always made your heart flutter.

You sighed deeply, resting your head against his chest.

It was strange having him carry you into your apartment with such ease. And yet this kindness was more than welcome.

Lightly kicking open your door, he placed you down on your bed. Before you could say anything, he begun tucking you in. He murmured that you needed to get rest. The idea was tempting, yet you found yourself trying to get up.

“C’mon, love. Just rest, alright?” he persuaded you to lay back under the covers.

“What about the party? I have to explain things to Emma” you insisted though you didn’t move.

“I already let her know that you weren’t feeling well and that I was taking you home” he explained. How kind of him to cover like that. You wondered how that conversation transpired but knew he would brush it off as no big deal and refuse to explain.

“Just get some rest” his voice encouraged, eyes finally softening as you relaxed into your bed. Right as he was about to leave, you grabbed his hand. He turned and looked at you.

“Am I-” you stopped, nervous to continue your thoughts out loud. But something in Harrison’s warm glance asked you to continue. “Am I just not capable of being loved or something? Like am I just never gonna be someone’s special person?” you choked out, tears starting to form again.

He quickly took a seat next to you. “You are. And you will be” he attempted to reassure you. “That guy-” Harrison paused, brushing his free hand through his hair. “That guy’s a fuckin’ prick. He’s an idiot, Y/N. He has no idea what he’s missing out on.”

“That other girl was so pretty, though. So much prettier than me-”

“Stop it. Don’t do that. Don’t…” he seemed lost for the right words to comfort you.

“I’m probably gonna die alone, and they’re only gonna find me because dogs will be eating my body” you sniffled.

He smiled at that one, grazing a hand on your face to wipe away the tears. “I promise you that won’t happen.” Don’t promise what you can’t keep.

Right as he was about to stand up and leave, you squeezed his hand. You didn’t want him to go. At least not yet. Something about his presence felt comforting and you wished you could just intertwine your fingers with his. Was it okay to want more with Harrison?

“Will you stay? Please?”

Harrison looked startled by your request. After all, no swearing or calling him by his usual nickname? You even added please with no sarcastic tone. Obviously this wasn’t the relationship he was used to. He looked at your door before turning back and nodding his head.

He kicked off his shoes and took off his jacket; the only time he let go of your hand was to take off his coat, but quickly grabbed hold of your hand once more as the jacket hit the ground. You scooted towards the other side of the bed, allowing him space to join you.

“I mean it, Y/N.” You could feel your eyes getting heavy. “I meant everything I said.” It was hard keeping your eyes open even though you wanted nothing more than to keep taking in his features.

His voice murmured for you to sleep, lulling you to rest. You closed your eyes as he told you how strong you were and how you deserved so much better. But who was better?

You felt him gently caress your cheek and kiss your forehead before you finally dozed off.

Soft chirps woke you the next day. Your eyes fluttered open and looked towards the window to see light seeping in. Last night felt like an out of body experience, as if it wasn’t particularly real. Yet you knew there was no denying all the events that occurred.

You turned to see the other side of your bed empty. No Harrison at all. Sitting up you looked at your side desk, hoping to see something. No note. Nothing. You rummaged through your purse to find your phone at ten percent. There were a couple texts from Emma and Tom, but no message from Harrison. You charged your phone before sighing and falling back onto your mattress.

And there was the truth of it all. He could give you false hope, make you think something might’ve been happening, but he never stayed. After all, you weren’t his. To him you were just Lil Skunk, a friend of a friend’s. He could say otherwise, but you both knew better. You were just a pastime, someone to tease until he moved onto better things. He could find prettier girls to occupy his time so why waste it on you? The empty space said it all: Harrison didn’t and wouldn’t ever like you in that sort of way.

Even if Harrison was right about what he said yesterday, not even he stayed for you. Not really.

tags list: @sleepybesson, @tomhaz | @butithasntkilledyouyet, @chims-kookies, @choke-me-sweet-pea, @highladyjel, @sadnoelle, @sleepwalkingdragon, @soccerstud004, @spider-mendes, @thefallenbibliophilequote

part six | part six [clean-ish]

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield x you #harrison osterfield x y/n #haz osterfield #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x you #haz osterfield x y/n #haz osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield fic #harrison osterfield fanfiction #haz osterfield fic #haz osterfield fanfiction #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #my writing #fic: not so subtle

152 notes · View notes

oghoneytryst · 6 years

Text

fame.

request: harry is friends with y/n, a 17-year-old singer/musician who he can’t help but act like an older brother to and protect

where harry knows the industry more than y/n does

a/n: such an original title, I know. anyways, I got carried away with this, I thought it was very cute and I'm very tempted to make a second part. Harry and y/n are only friends in this!! There will be no type of romantic relationship whatsoever :)

also I start school tomorrow, rip...

“Here are the nominees for Best New Artist...”

Harry’s voice resonates throughout the venue, colossal screens beginning to merge into a colorful montage of talented musicians. With his hands properly folded behind his back, he manages to catch a glimpse of y/n, who lets out a nervous sigh before slinking further down into her seat.

“Don’t worry,” her publicist says from behind her, giving her shoulders a comforting squeeze. “You’ve got this.”

Y/n nods, but senses a slight shiver ripple through her body when her music video appears on the screens. It is comforting to know that her fans are supporting her in the audience tonight when cheers begin to roar across the sea of people. She even spots some of her life-long idols applauding for her music, which also includes her friend standing in front of the mic stand with an enclosed card caressed in his hands.

It’s surreal to know that the Harry Styles has become one of her most trusted friends since breaking into the crazy industry. In her bedroom at 13 years of age, she used to sing One Direction songs into her hairbrush while her mother was out grocery shopping. Tonight, four years later, her favorite member is sending her a reassuring smile despite the large crowd that stands between them.

She’s worked endlessly to be where she is tonight, sitting alongside the biggest names in the industry, nominated for this year’s Best New Artist at the VMA’s. Y/n has earned a name for herself in the past couple of years, but she believes tonight will determine whether or not she is on the right path to global success.

“And the VMA goes to...” The venue fills with a suspenseful silence as Harry attempts to rip through the enclosed card containing the winner.

People from the audience begin to shout out different nominees, and when a majority of them end up being y/n’s name, she senses a chill in her bones. She doesn’t want the whole nation to see her fail. She doesn’t want her family, friends, and fans to be disappointed in her.

Despite her self-doubt, the cheeky grin that Harry sends in her direction after reading the card lets her know that she has done something right.

“Y/n Y/l/n!”

Piercing screams and ear-shattering applause drowns the entire venue when y/n’s name is announced. Her hit single begins to blast through the speakers and even then, she cannot seem to believe that any of this is real. Raising slowly from her seat in shock, her accompanying family congratulates her with tight embraces and glistening eyes.

Don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip, y/n thinks to herself as she makes her way over to the stage. She touches hands with the fans reaching out to her from the sides, grabbing onto Harry’s outstretched hand when she makes it to the top of the stairs.

The audience goes into a little frenzy when the two embrace, Harry handing over the iconic Moon Man award given to him by one of the stagehands and shouting to her, “Congratulations, darling. I knew you’d win it!”

This feels like a dream. Y/n is at a loss for words and it takes Harry gently guiding her over to the mic stand for her to come to terms with the reality of her situation.

“Wow,” she breathes out, cradling the heavy award in her arms. “I can’t believe any of this is happening. First of all, thank you, Harry. I am so honored to be receiving this award from someone that I am lucky enough to call a friend...”

Harry chuckles at her shaking figure, nodding in appreciation while she rambles on with her speech. She goes on to thank every person from her team that comes to mind, apologizing in advance if she forgets to mention anybody. She expresses gratitude for her family that is supporting her tonight from the audience and at home. Of course, she does not forget to thank her fans over and over again, dedicating the award to them because, “without you, I am nothing.”

Her speech wraps up just as the music plays overhead, indicating that she is going over time. She waves a final goodbye to the audience, tangling her arm with Harry’s as they shuffle off to the backstage.

“Oh my god,” she groans, slapping her forehead with her empty hand. “That was so embarrassing. Why can’t I ever shut up?”

Harry laughs at her, wrapping his arms around her as they lean from side to side.

“It wasn’t that bad,” he tells her, placing his hands on her shoulder. “Lots of people take ages to wrap up their speech. At least yours was entertaining.”

“I doubt it.”

“Oh, c’mon, y/n. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re the Best New Artist, you need to celebrate!”

In an immediate second, y/n’s entire face lights up when she is reminded of her accomplishment. She raises the Moon Man in her hand, cradling it like a baby and even going as far as to kiss the silver coating.

“I’m the Best New Artist!” she jumps from one leg to the other, earning chuckles from the people backstage. “Ugh, I can’t wait for the after party. I’m going to have so much fun!”

Harry’s smile diminishes at her words. “Wait, after party? What are you talking about?”

“You know...” y/n trails off, playfully shoving his shoulder. “The one at Taylor’s penthouse that everyone’s going to.”

“Taylor?” Harry repeats, eyebrows skyrocketing. “Swift?”

“Duh, what other Taylor is there?”

“W-What about your family? Are they also going to this after party?”

“They’re still tired from their flight here this morning,” y/n says with a wave of her hand. “They said they were going back to the hotel room after this.”

Harry looks down at her, puckering his lips in a pensive manner. “Mmm ... no,” he says with a shake of his head, “You’re not going.”

Y/n is busy inspecting her award when she hears Harry’s declaration. “Excuse me?”

“You’re not going to Taylor’s penthouse.”

“Says who?”

“Says me,” he childishly retaliates. “Y/n, you’re 17. You never know what goes on at parties like that.”

Y/n eyes him up and down. “Hmm, you would know,” she mumbles.

“S’cuse me. Are you ... taking a slag at me?” Harry asks, narrowing his eyes.

“I don’t know, Harry, who is Perfect about, huh?”

The older man sighs, pinching his nose in a way that y/n would say is very dramatic of him.

“You’re right,” he says, nodding his head. “I would know, which is why you should listen to me and learn from my mistakes.”

“But Harry—”

“Harry! Y/n! Let’s get a picture!”

Their conversation is interrupted by the photographers hired backstage, cameras at the ready while the two have no choice but to pose with each other. Flashes invade y/n’s eyes and though she tries very hard to keep them open, she can’t help but squint and hide herself behind her empty hand.

“Alright, I think that’s enough,” Harry politely suggests, nodding a quick thank you to the photographers before going back to his conversation. “Are you alright?”

Y/n blinks away the polychromatic dots stuck in her vision and eventually nods with reassurance. When she can finally see clearly once again, she catches Harry’s concerned expression and sighs.

“Fine,” she gives in, stubbornly hugging her award. “I won’t go to the after parties, but I still want to celebrate.”

“We can go to dinner then,” Harry suggests, smiling with self-gratification. “My treat. Does that sound about right?”

“Only if there’s karaoke involved. I have a legacy to live up to now, Styles!”

Y/n has to hand it to her publicist.

Her schedule is completely booked by the week following her big win at the VMA’s. She finds herself in the following months traveling all across the globe, featuring in dozens of magazines and having quick chats with late night talk show hosts. In the midst of all of this chaos, y/n has taken her free time to write some new material for her new album. It has been a hectic rollercoaster ride, but months later, she has finally found a place to rest.

When her friend Harry mentions to her that he is also visiting the wonderful state of New York, the two waste no time in making quick plans with each other. The last time y/n had seen Harry was the night he took her out to a celebratory dinner with their mutual friends, which also happened to be the last time she had the chance to let loose and relax.

While the past couple of months have been fun, they have also been extremely draining from the constant work that y/n has to put into her career now. She’s thankful for this opportunity, but she is a teenager after all, and she can’t be more relieved to have a short break before returning back to the chaos.

“Harry!” y/n shouts, running into her friend’s hotel suite and nearly knocking him off his feet from her sudden embrace. “It’s so good to see you!”

“You too, darling.” Harry laughs, scuffing his hand over her head of hair.

“Hey, hey, watch the hair!” she exclaims, pushing his tall figure away before fixing what he messed up.

“Oh, ‘m so sorry, miss diva, shall we call your stylist? Are you parched? Would you like a drink? Non-alcoholic, the drinking age is 21 here.”

Y/n glares at him, shaking her head at his cheeky smirk. “Ha-ha. Always the comedian, Styles.”

“I’m only jokin’.” Harry pauses, his expression suddenly turning very sincere. “I’m actually very proud of ya, y/n. I saw ya on Corden the other night. Before that, I could’ve sworn your face was plastered all over Times Square. You’re really taking the world by storm, as they say.”

Y/n feels her face heat up. She can’t help but suddenly turn shy at his kind words. She’s considered Harry as a sort of mentor for all of this fame that has been thrown her way, considering the two had met at the start of her career. To know that Harry is proud of her and all of her accomplishments is quite literally an accomplishment in itself.

“Wow. Thanks, Harry. That ... really means a lot.”

“I’m glad.” He nods, then claps his hands together. “Alright, so are we planning to go to the shops or what?”

“Of course. I’ve been dying to see how much self-control you lose when in the Gucci store.”

Y/n doesn’t know why it is surprising to her when she sees paparazzi swarming right outside the hotel entrance. It’s not as if she’d been incognito on her way up to Harry’s suite. It’s quite obvious that she had been spotted, and someone then tipped off the paps, but perhaps it is the large quantity of them that makes her a bit uneasy.

“Y/n, y/n! Over here!”

“Harry, when is the band getting back together?”

“Hey, y/n! How’s it going? Going out for a nice date with your boyfriend Harry?”

Amid the blinding flashes of cameras invading her personal space, y/n finds herself doing a double take at the pesky reporter’s question.

“Excuse me?” she questions, her bodyguard attempting to guide her and Harry to the remaining few feet to the car.

“Just keep walking, y/n,” Harry whispers, softly pulling on her arm in a desperate attempt to get away from the press.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” y/n laughs, finding it quite humorous that the media seems to think her friendship is anything more than amiable. Of course, she’s seen the fans speculating on social media, but she hopes her declaration is enough to leave the situation alone.

“Oh, right, weren’t you going out with Wes Anderson the other week?”

The shutters of cameras only seem to get more intense with that question. “What?” y/n scoffs, tilting her head at the ridiculous accusation.

“You were leaving his place, right? Late at night? Did you have fun?”

Y/n suddenly feels like she can’t breathe. She had been at Wes Anderson’s place, but she’d been having dinner with his family while the two discussed having her write a song for his new movie. She didn’t know the cameras had been watching her that day, and it makes her skin crawl to know that the media thinks she’s having an affair with someone almost three times her age.

“S’cuse me, do you have something better to do than harass a 17-year-old?” Harry speaks up, not even bothering to hear the pap’s excuse before leading y/n into the car.

He makes sure that she gets in before following after her, never feeling more relieved to shut the door on those pestering cameras. He knows he’s going to get media attention for his remark.

“Y/n,” he says, frowning at her shocked expression. “Are you alright?”

Y/n doesn’t speak. She’s replaying the question over and over again in her head. She can already imagine the nasty messages people must be leaving for her on social media. The thought disgusts her and suddenly the pressure building up inside of her in the last couple of months finally releases.

“Y/n,” Harry repeats, wanting to comfort her but also wanting to make sure she has some space to cool down. “Y/n, look at me. Listen to me, at least.”

The younger girl swallows harshly, blinking away the few tears that are threatening to fall. She scolds herself for being so ridiculous over a silly comment, but she’s noticed that silly comments seem to have large effects on careers like hers.

Harry sighs, pondering of what he can possibly say to her in this moment to make everything okay again.

“Being in this industry for quite some time now, I’ve learned that ... not everyone is as nice as you hope. These people with cameras, invading your privacy, they’re not all nice people. Sure, some of them are just trying to do their jobs, and some of them can be very respectful. But a lot of them will say just about anything to get a rise out of you.”

Y/n raises her head at this point, fiddling with her hands as she lets Harry continue with his rant.

“Take me for an example. Do you really think I’m some kind of ... womanizer?”

“No,” she immediately croaks out. She’s always hated that people have given Harry that disgusting label. “You’re not.”

“And you’re not whatever vile things they make up about you. I know that, your friends know that, your family, your fans ... anyone that’s lucky enough to know you know that that isn’t you. But at the end of the day, all that matters is that you know that too.”

Y/n forces a smile, feeling a weight lift off her chest from Harry’s reasonable words. “Thanks,” she mutters, unable to resist giving her friend a kind hug of appreciation. “It’s just hard to ignore them, you know?”

“I know,” Harry agrees, patting her back softly. “Trust me, it won’t get any easier, but you’ll eventually learn that silence is key, especially if you want them to take a really nice candid of you.”

“Can’t I just give them the middle finger and call it a day?”

“Oh yeah, ‘m sure TMZ will love that.”

Y/n chuckles, pulling away from her friend and bucking her seatbelt. While the situation still has her a little on the edge, she feels alleviated from Harry’s pep talk. It is true that the world she has been thrown in at such a young age is quite intense, but she’s grateful that she has someone like Harry to protect her from it all.

#honeytryst

589 notes · View notes

sovinly · 5 years

Note

e/R red string of fate au? thank you very much!

(You are welcome! Thank you for the prompt! Sorry for the delay, this one took me a while to figure out!

This is sort of a modern magical realism AU where I am taking for granted that this isn’t unprecedented. (We’re going a little Silence Is the Speech of Love in terms of religion/cosmology/divine presence here, which is never a bad way to go!) I apologize if it’s not quite what you were looking for, but I didn’t really feel comfortable getting too much more into this without a lot more research into the folklore proper, so this ended up being much more of a “oh shit, what does this MEAN” take on things. Hopefully you still enjoy it!)

“… And, so, the point of the whole thing, is that a god maytake a shackle, spin it from metal into thread, and dye it red, and the verypeople who protest bondage of nearly every other sort will swallow it down withdelighted sighs. The human race is fucking stupidin matters of the heart, and divine blessings can suck my dick,” Grantairetells them vehemently, breaks into coughs, and then hides in his doctoredcoffee because the whole situation is fucking absurd.

Joly and Bossuet, to their credit, share a look and don’tlaugh at him.

“So, you and Enjolras, then?” Bossuet ventures, raising hisbrows. “That’s a thing.”

“Ankle to ankle,” Grantaire confirms, and reaches for thecream because his stomach is a tumult of bitterness without another cup of black coffee. “What the fuck.”

“At least you didn’t say all this to him,” Joly tells himwith a soothing pat to the shoulder. “You’d have been mortified after, though Ithink he’d agree with the parts about pre-ordination being bullshit.”

Grantaire snorts. “There is no way to make me feel anybetter about this. He tolerates me.Like, oooh, boy, what an endorsement, neither of us threw a rock at the other,just ran away in horror. Destiny.”

“Maybe you’ll help one another out, or did help one another out,” Bossuet points out. “Or it could havebeen a shared hallucination.”

“You’re thinking too small.” Joly sips his tea, trying andfailing to fight a smile. “You guys could get married for all sorts of reasons. Infiltration! Dramaticattempts to avoid familial judgment and-or expectations! Politics! Accidentallygetting married when it was meant to be a ruse! To fulfill the letter of fatewhile neatly ducking the implications! Elaborate wedding gift heist to fund the society!”

Weirdly enough, that makes Grantaire feel better. Sort of. “Thanksever so, Joly. That’s so helpful. Then I can pine about him while we’re marriedfor politics. What’s your point?”

“Romance novels have been based on less,” Joly points out. “Anyway,what I mean to say is that a red string only means what you want it to mean –you can do what you’d have done if you hadn’t known it was there. Why havethousands of years of philosophical debate about free will if you’re not goingto argue with this too? Okay, sure, Yue Lao invented the red string of marriage. Humans invented scissors.”

That finally shuts Grantaire up, and he sighs. “If either ofyou tell me to talk to him, I’ll never forgive you.”

“Have a bun,” Joly replies,sanguine and magnanimous.

“It would be nice if the gods didn’t stick their noses inhuman affairs,” Enjolras says, into the thoughtful silence following hisexplanation of the whole mess that was yesterday. A moment later: “I didn’t askfor this.”

Courfeyrac hums and loops an amiable arm around Enjolras’shoulder. “He didn’t either, for what it’s worth? But yeah, that’s… a lot.”

“Do you actually feel an obligation, having seen it?”Combeferre asks, settling into the couch with what must be a remarkable amountof restraint. He’s brimming with questions.

Enjolras frowns and considers that for a long minute. “No, Isuppose I don’t. There’s no compulsion to go along with it, and I don’t have apersonal or religious or philosophical drive to pursue anything on that account. But…I think it does change something, to know that we both saw it.”

“You don’t want to be a dick about it,” Courfeyrac says, succinct,and nods understandingly. “I’ll fight anyone who tells you it means you oweanything to Grantaire or anyone else.”

“Unnecessary, but appreciated,” Enjolras tells him, andsmiles despite himself. “I don’t believe in destiny and I’ll continue notbelieving in it, but this is… messy.”

Combeferre is clearly building up to a thought, steeplinghis fingers together. “From what you’ve told us, it doesn’t necessarily mean marriage, even if that’s the most commoninterpretation. It sounds like it could be a question of both being entangledin a certain situation or offering some sort of assistance. It might be worth askingwhy you’re not assuming it’s either of those?”

“That’s… true. It could be.” Enjolras twists his fingerstogether, considering that. “I don’t know. I need to think about it more. Maybedo some research. It’s… I care a lot about all of my friends, so why is it Grantaire?”

“Why is it any of this?” Courfeyrac agrees, and kissesEnjolras’ cheek. “It could mean a lot of things or it could mean nothing morethan something that’s already happened. You could talk to Grantaire, and figureout what you both want it to mean.”

Enjolras wrinkles his nose a little, because thatconversation will be exhausting for somany reasons, but concedes that Courfeyrac has a very fair point. “It’sgoing to be a disaster, but I’ll try. That’s only fair, anyway. Not today,though. Today I’d rather submit to all of Combeferre’s detailed questions onthe experience in general, provided he buys us all dinner.”

“Done,” Combeferre agrees with asmile.

“So, I guess we should talk?” Grantaire says, though he’sstill not particularly keen on it. And asking probably makes him look tooeager, or too much like he cares when he’d really rather not, but he’s beenconvinced to try to be, if not the bigger person here, at least not the smallerone.

Enjolras, gratifyingly and a little startlingly, seems tohave misplaced some of his composure. What little that means, when it’s just ananxious glance back at the others, and his fingers tightening decisively on thestrap of his bag. “We should talk.”

They stroll, by silent mutual agreement and the fact thatneither of them mind walking about,off toward the riverbank.

“I don’t expect anything from you,” Grantaire tells him,jittery at the way Enjolras is taking so long to collect his thoughts. It’strue, and it was true before this, and just because Grantaire is a well oflonging and admiration and want doesn’t mean he expects any sort of reciprocation. Except that he doesn’t want it,if it’s a condition of divine intervention or magic or even self-coercion. Somaybe Grantaire isn’t as pathetic as he sometimes feels.

“Likewise neither,” Enjolras assures him, and it’scomforting and disappointing all at once. Enjolras doesn’t expect much ofGrantaire in general, Grantaire supposes. “But I’m glad we’re friends, and I’dhate for this to change that.”

He hadn’t realized they were friends, not just friends-in-common.Grantaire feels far more elated by that than any suggestion of weirdmetaphysical connections. Besides, Enjolras isn’t given to lying.

“Me too,” Grantaire replies, and shoves his hands in hispockets, lest he feel compelled to rant. “I… yeah. Friends is good.”

There’s a lot of second-guessing, now. Everything feelsladen with a weird implication that wasn’t there, a few days ago. If Grantairesuggested they talk this out over crepes, would it seem like a date? He’d spentan actual five minutes considering his clothes this morning, not because he’dwanted to impress, but because wearing red might have made things seem weird.

“We’ll figure this out.” Enjolras says it with his usualunderlying surety. But there’s something a little awkward in his smile, and hisroots are starting to show in his customarily bleached hair, and he’s wearingsome of Combeferre’s bracelets and one of Courfeyrac’s jackets like armor. He’sjust a person, even if a very good one, and it strikes Grantaire in a way ithadn’t really, last week.

“Okay,” Grantaire says, not eloquently. But he believes him,and he’s willing to try to make it happen. “Yeah, okay.”

#long post #sovin writes things #modern au #not actually a soulmate au #needs more research #e/r #sort of #in the potential-future-marriage sense #dammit grantaire #need an enjolras tag i only have one for his hair #combeferre is a gift to this world #need a courfeyrac tag #joly is perpetually aware of the fourth wall #(more apt even than usual here! he knows the tropes)#bossuet just runs into walls #thank you again for the prompt!#anonymous

33 notes · View notes

covertius-fic · 6 years

Text

200,000 word monster canon-divergent au I do not have the skills to write

The canon diverges post-Charcy in the tent scene

The scene goes forward mostly canon from “I’ve come to tell you who I am” “I know who you are” on, but when Laurent demands Delpha, Damen finds the strength to call his bluff. He’s not going to bribe Laurent with territorial concessions to make him accept what is already a mutually-beneficial alliance: Laurent promised once that he would not try to make Damen work against the interests of his own country, and just because he’s willing to break that promise now doesn’t mean that Damen has to let him. Laurent can accept an alliance in which Vere and Akielos are equal beneficiaries, or he can do without the alliance altogether.

Laurent did not expect this, he completely thought that Damen was so unwilling to let go of whatever was happening between them that he would accept any conditions to see it through, but just because he was bluffing doesn’t mean that he’s any less determined to follow through with what he said, so without Delpha, Laurent rejects the alliance and Damen takes his half of the army and leaves.

He commands his men not attack or harass any of Laurent’s men should they come across them, as they are fighting a common enemy, but they fight along parallel, not conjoined, lines and they do so separately.

This separation Costs Damen. But not as much as you’d expect - not fatally so. He’s still the best military commander and strategist in a century. No, Laurent’s not there to help him secure Makedon, but Makedon’s issue was being forced to work with/for Laurent in the first place so with him out of the picture there’s no tension to resolve. It plays out more as a straightforward, prolonged military campaign. Winning back the territory is more damaging to Akielon lands and people and takes longer, but Damen still achieves it. Each new territory he conquers, he gains soldiers as men desert to rally round the banner of the true king. Kastor’s forces are dwindling.

Without Laurent’s help, Damen has to make more concessions to Jokaste to secure the safety of the baby that could be his son or his nephew than he wants to, but Jokaste is less an enemy than he thinks so it actually turns out sort of OK.

Without the alliance to mess with, the Regent switches tactics: instead of destroying Veretian villages and making it look like Akielon atrocities, he destroys Akielon villages with men he’s hired to wear the starburst. Damen is not fooled and insists that Laurent would not do that to civilians and this is the Regent’s treachery. Makedon and Nikandros are unconvinced, but it’s a slower burning anger because hey, at least they’re still fighting Veretians, right? So it doesn’t come to a head until after Jokaste is with them and she manages to find proof that all is as Damen insists.

He still won’t sleep with her, though, even after she proves so helpful. She did not expect this?

But anyway, slowly but surely, the Akielons are winning battles.

The same cannot be said for Laurent, who, it turns out, needed Damen’s military/strategic mind and the Akielon troops slightly more than Damen needed his twisty mind and the Veretian troops. Oops.

He does a bunch of brilliant things and has many last-ditch escapes, but finally he misses something and gets caught in one of his uncle’s traps, arrested with his men scattered. He’s put on trial and about to be executed when word comes that Damianos’s army has moved faster than expected and everything screeches to a halt so Kastor and the Regent’s combined forces can defend the city of Ios.

A lot of lives are lost and valuable Akielon buildings and cultural artifacts are destroyed in the fighting, but Damen wins. Most of Kastor’s troops defect once they see the way the wind is blowing, and Nikandros gets to kill Kastor like he’s probably always wanted to.

Problem: the Regent survived the battle and he and the Council want to head back to Vere with Laurent still in chains to execute him for treason there. Damen wants to kill the Regent and install Laurent on the throne while they’re still in Akielos, which as the whole Council and Nikandros point out, constitutes a soft takeover of Vere. Damen makes a slightly toned down version of his canon-speech to convince the Council that they are wrong about Laurent; Laurent appeals to Loyse and she steps forward with her canon testimony. When that fails to sway the Council, Paschal, who did not see the point of doing so before but is now bold with an army behind him, produces his evidence. The Council, both swayed by the evidence and realizing this is the only way they will get to leave Ios alive now that it’s been retaken, switch sides and Damen gets to execute the Regent so he’s nice and dead before they even go back to Vere.

But there’s 80,000 words left, what’s going on?!

As the Council and Laurent prepare to depart, he and Damen have some talks where they work through the death of Auguste and Damen explicitly apologizes for the pain he’s caused Laurent. The sword fighting scene gets re-inserted here, and a lot of their canon-conversations end up taking place with slightly altered context. “You told the Council I was a good man,” Laurent says, during the last of these, when they’ve worked through a lot of stuff and Laurent and the Veretians are about to leave. “You are,” Damen says, “I did not think so at first, but through the campaign on the border, I came to know your heart. You are one of the best men I’ve had the privilege to know, and you will be a great king to your people.” “Damianos,” Laurent says, the first time he’s ever said his name, almost wonderingly, “My strongest ally.”

“Always your ally and always your friend,” Damen says. But his time apart from Laurent has given him the space to deal with things a bit better than the “Damen had barely acknowledged what Laurent had done to him while it was happening” that he gets in the canon, so he goes on. “I know that you are a good man. But that does not erase what you did to me when you had the power and I did not, or make those things between us matter less. We cannot be to each other what we once pretended we could.” He extends his hand. “Still, you will always have a friend in Akielos, our brother of Vere.” Laurent shakes it, and goes home.

But being back in Vere without Damen is ... awful. He looks up from paperwork a dozen times a day to get the opinion of his Akielon slave, who is not there. He can barely enter a room in his own court without thinking, “This is where I forced him into the ring,” or “This is where I was when I decided how I would have him whipped,” or “This is where he dared to say no to sex with Ancel and I had it forced on him to humiliate and punish him.”

He has no friends, or even supporters on whom he can wholly rely. Lazar died in one of the battles; Jord survived, but he’s never managed to completely forgive him for Aimeric; he can’t look at Berenger and Vannes without remembering them standing there and watching, doing nothing to stop him from having Damen assaulted, and hating himself so much that he hates them too.

Plus he keeps hearing word from Akielos, Damianos doing some foolish noble thing like freeing the slaves, but going about it in that pig-headed, heavy-handed Akielon way. He’s spending all his political capital and it’s so frustrating, Laurent just knows the right way to do it, what he would say if he was there to advise him, but he’s not, all he can do is watch helplessly and -

And his bed is cold all of a sudden, after years. He never minded being alone in it before, but one night - a single night - with the one who should have been his enemy and all he can think about is how good it felt and how empty his life feels now without it and what he would give to have Damen back in his life, to hear his stupid honorable advice and not be so frightened of turning into a tyrant like his uncle because someone would be there to yell at him when he crossed a line and most of all to get to roll over in the morning and have that one-dimple smile be the first thing he sees as he starts his day and -

Obviously, he needs to find a way to earn his forgiveness and get Damen back in his life again, on any terms.

Let the courting of King Damianos commence ...

#captive prince #my writing #canon divergent au

68 notes · View notes

a-thought-in-my-head · 7 years

Text

Not the Same Old Bruce Banner?

Summary: You’re a long time friend of Bruce, loved him unrequitedly for most of it. He asked you to come visit and help him and Tony out with a project. Pairings: Bruce Banner x Reader Warnings: None? Brief mention of a bully, Tried to be fluffy Word Count: 3271 *Posted 25.8.17

“How was your flight?” Bruce grabs one of your bags before you can and frowns at you until you hand over the others until you’re left with just your carry-on slung over your shoulder. You shake your head as you follow him into the elevator.

“Eh, not bad. I tried to adjust for the time change during the flight, so hopefully jetlag won’t be as bad as usual,” you answer, discretely looking at his reflection, standing next to yours, in the mirrored inside of the elevator. Other than better clothing, it was as if he’d never changed – hair still softly curly and unruly, dent in his chin still reminding you of the old time comic book superheroes with their ‘masculine’ chiselled jaws and blunt chins, faint stubble still adding shadows to his face. No glasses, though, he must not have come from the lab.

As you answer and check him over, he swipes the touch screen within the elevator and stands next to you, shoulders almost touching. The elevator doors close with a ding and smoothly starts its ascent.

“Don’t worry if you can’t start until tomorrow of the day after next,” Bruce reassures you, briefly looking you in the eyes to glance away, blushing slightly.

You smile. Yup, same old Bruce Banner.

“I should be fine, and if not just pull me out of bed by my ankles and make sure you’re out of hitting range.”

“I’ll just make Tony do it,” he chuckles. Oh, how you’d missed the sound.

Pushing your private, personal feelings aside, “And how is working with the Tony Stark and the rest of the Avengers?” you ask, lightly bumping his shoulder in affection.

Carefully bumping you back, he smiles softly.

“Is that a blush!?” You bend your knees slightly and twist your upper body to look at his face and ignore the ache forming in your chest. “You only blush like that when you’ve got a crush. Have you met someone!?”

He tilts his head back up so you don’t have to bend. “I sort of had a thing with Nat, but we ended it.”

“But you didn’t want to? End it, I mean.” You’d realized long ago that when asking about feeling, you had to extremely clear, or Bruce would completely misunderstand and not think to clarify. That was probably around the time you’d started to develop your little crush on the brilliant, sweet man. Who in turn, fell in love with Betty. Because, of course, your love life just had to be utter horse manure.

“No, it just didn’t feel right,” he shrugs, looking rather neutral, not at all torn up about an unwanted breakup. But then again, you weren’t sure if you were reading him right. It could just be your wishful thinking that he wasn’t upset blinding you.

“Alright then,” you answer softly, after a slight pause.

He nods.

‘How long is this elevator ride?’ you think to yourself. Not that you weren’t enjoying your time with Bruce, but the old ache of unrequited love was stronger than you thought it’d be when you said yes over the phone when he’d called to ask for some help.

“Working with the Avengers and Tony has been a lot of fun,” Bruce returns to the original question calmly, as if the slight detour about his love life hadn’t even occurred. From there, he recounts amusing tales of his work with the Avengers and all the interesting projects he’s worked on since you’d last talked, with little interjections about what rooms you’re walking through once the elevator doors open.

“This is your room – Vibranium has this property-,” Bruce opens the door to a medium-sized room with a soft, teal comforter-covered bed, pale birch, artfully distressed dresser and a floor-length view of the New York skyline. A fluffy, cream rug begs to be touched and a frosted glass door is cracked open, just revealing a nice bathroom.

“Now that you know T’Challa, why didn’t you make the walls completely out of Vibranium?” you ask as you set your things by the dresser – or rather motion to Bruce to set your things by the dresser as he still wouldn’t let you carry anything more than your old waterproof silver-grey backpack that doubled as your carry-on when you travelled, which was often.

Before he can answer, though, a dark-haired man bursts into the room. “When are you going to start working!?”

“When she’s not tired!” Bruce yells, eyes starting to turn a bit green.

Surprised, you wrap your hand around Bruce’s tense forearm. “As soon as I am able to, I just got off the place. Mr Stark, I assume? Bruce has told me quite a bit about you,” you answer Tony, coolly polite.

Startled by Bruce’s reaction, Tony stares at his friend a little warily. Bruce never yelled and was actually rather hard to provoke. Something as simple as running into a room never once triggered an ‘episode,’ and there was a lot of that when you worked with Tony Stark.

“Yes. And you must be Y/N. Bruce has told me nothing about you.” Tony sticks his hand out for you to shake, but you can’t help but feel like one of your specimens under a microscope.

“Hmm,” you shake his hand.

“Well, if we’re not going to be productive today, then we might as well eat soon. Dinner’s on at 6:30.” And with that, Tony strides out of your room, leaving only the faint scent of expensive cologne as a proof of his visit.

“I’m sorry,” Bruce mumbles, hastily unzipping your suitcase and shoving your clothes into the dresser.

“Bruce.” You grab his hands before he tears any of your clothes in his rushed and nervous effort to help you unpack. “Bruce…” You wait for him to meet your eyes. “Why are you apologizing? Because Tony was rude and impatient and is probably running several fairly invasive background checks on me because that’s just who he is and he cares about you? Because I think you broke the zipper of my suitcase?”

“I broke your suitcase?” Bruce grabs your suitcase to inspect it, frowning when he realizes he’d left his glasses back in his room.

Placing your hands over his tightly clenched ones, you smile. “It was pretty old, and you’re a strong guy. But back to the question at hand, why are you sorry?”

Head dropping in shame, he turns up his hands to grasp yours. “I almost lost my temper. He could have seriously hurt you, and it would have been my fault.”

“Bruce Banner,” you declare. “I have known you since I was 5 and you, 8. You would never hurt me, and, if we’re talking in terms of you and him, neither would he since he knows you wouldn’t want it that way. Remember when Wanda tried that mind stuff on you?”

His face turns from hopeful to miserable at your words.

“Stop that.” You wiggle your right hand away so you can properly scold Bruce, wagging a finger. “You, or rather he, only attacked your friends after she’d tricked him. So, stop thinking of yourself as some ticking time bomb. We’ve talked about this over and over.” You shake your head at the countless phone calls and video messages you’d had about this topic.

“I know.” Bruce looks away, but you can tell he’s already feeling better. You smile. So maybe he didn’t love you, but at least you could still get him out of his moods. “Y/N…” he glances back towards you, blushes and returns to looking out the big windows.

“Oh shoot,” you notice your watch. “It’s almost 6:30! We gotta go. How can Tony make food so fast?” You pull Bruce along, back to the communal kitchen and dining area. You made a few wrong turns, but Bruce was there to correct you.

“We ordered Thai,” Tony unknowingly answers your question as you step into the kitchen.

“Hope you don’t mind,” a female voice calls from the connected dining area.

“Not at all,” you reply. “Need any help?” you ask Tony. Before he can answer, you take one of the three full glasses he was trying to carry to the table.

“Cups are in the upper right cabinet,” he nods towards said cabinet. “Beverages are in the fridge.”

“Thanks.” You nudge Bruce towards the dining room. “I’ll be fine, Bruce; it’s not like I’m unfamiliar with kitchens. You go sit down.” Fidgeting slightly, he nods at you and moves into the other room.

Pulling some guava juice, picking the other cup back up and joining the rest of the group in the dining room, you’re surprised to only see one other person, besides Bruce and Tony.

“Hi, I’m Natasha. Oh, that would be my water,” a somewhat short redhead waves at you as she scoops some food onto her plate.

“Hi,” you nod in response as both hands were occupied. Setting the other cup in front of her, you sit next to Bruce, across from Tony and Natasha. Natasha… You glance over at Bruce. Could this be his ‘Nat?’ He smiles at you and hands you some silverware.

“You found the guava juice,” Nat tips her head towards your glass. “You have no idea how surprisingly hard that was to find, but Bruce was adamant that we get that for you.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” you shake your head at Bruce. “Still worrying over inconsequential things?” you tease, despite how happy it makes you to know that he hadn’t forgotten your love of it.

Bruce flushes.

“It’s quite good actually,” Tony admits, toasting his cup of guava juice at you. “Worth the trouble, I’d say.”

You smile. From there, the tension of dining with strangers fades away and by the end of the meal, you feel like you’d made some new friends.

“Sorry, there was only us tonight; it’s been a busy few weeks and we get tired of seeing the same faces every day,” Natasha adds as you stick your plate into the dishwasher with hers.

You laugh. “I understand. After a certain period, people need a break from each other. A colleague of mine and I almost got in a wrestling match over some data because we’d been working together nonstop on a project for a week. Thankfully we realized and mutually decided to avoid each other for a few days.”

“And it worked?” Tony asked humorously.

“We published our findings two months after that,” you answer proudly.

“Was this Dr Holtz?” Bruce rumbles.

Scrunching your nose at his unexpectedly grumpy tone, you shake your head, “No, Dr Emily Morris. She and I are set to guest lecture about it sometime in September, actually. Why? Is something wrong with Ulrich?” You had worked briefly with Ulrich Holtz, and he seemed a nice man.

“No,” Bruce looks away.

“Bruce-“ your words are interrupted as a large yawn escapes you.

“You should get some rest,” Nat pushes you to the door. “We can finish cleaning up. Bruce, make sure she gets there.”

“We?” You hear Tony protest as you leave the kitchen.

“You don’t have to help me, Bruce,” you yawn once again.

He glances at you quickly, hands unconsciously trying to push up his glasses. You laugh at his grumblings about forgetting them somewhere.

‘So, Nat?” You reference his earlier comment about having a thing with a woman he worked with. “As in Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow? You couldn’t have told me this before?”

“Tell you what?” Bruce shrugs. “You should try to get some sleep,” he tries to change the subject.

“Ugh,” you throw your hands up dramatically. Pushing aside the increasingly more painful ache that pulsates at the thought of Bruce and Natasha together, you turn to face him, “Now, why were you grumpy about Ulrich? Don’t tell me he’s with HYDRA.”

Running his hand through his hair, Bruce looks down, brows furrowed. “No, he’s not working with HYRDA.”

You breathe a sigh of relief.

“But he’s not good enough for you.” This comes out a rush of words.

“Huh?” This time, it’s your brows that furrow.

“As a…” A pained look crosses Bruce’s face, reminding you of the time you forced the Hulk to let a dentist check out his toothache. “As a boyfriend.”

You blink. “You do realize Ulrich’s married, right? To a brilliant, if a bit cold, physicist.”

“Oh,” Bruce flushes. “Well, good night.”

“Wait- Bruce!”

But Bruce already disappears from the corridor.

After silencing your alarm, pulling yourself out of bed, dressing and making yourself some breakfast, you wander down one floor, to the lab.

“Bruce had to go pick a reactor up for me. He won’t be back until this afternoon,” Tony greets you as he analyses something at his desk.

“Okay,” you scan the lab to see if there was anything you could start work on.

Pushing himself away from the desk, Tony chucks a silver packet at you, “Dried cherries?”

Hastily catching it, you frown, “Um, sure?”

Tony chuckles, nodding towards the bag. “Dried cherries.”

“Oh! Sorry,” you flush slightly as your slowness.

“No worries, it’s an early morning for you, didn’t think you’d be up until midday. But now that you’re here, I cleared this space out for you to work at. FRIDAY, pull up the VICEROY project.” Tony pulls a thin screen down in from of your desk.

Joining him, you both munch on dried cherries as he explains the project and what you need to do. After throwing out the suggestion of trying dried mango, you both settle into your work, not resurfacing until FRIDAY shuts everything down as a way to force the two of you to eat lunch.

“So,” Tony waves a just bitten carrot at you. “How long have you liked Bruce?”

“Well, we’ve been friends since he tried to defend me from the large bully down the street.” You avoid his gaze by carefully choosing a strawberry from the bowl in front of you. It was obvious what he meant, but, while you did like Tony, you weren’t about to spill your every thought to the man.

You can feel his eyes on you. Taking a bite of his turkey, tomato, and cheddar cheese sandwich, he acknowledges the obtuse answer with a slight nod. “I can’t see you being bullied.”

“It was a once in a lifetime thing since I kicked the bully in the stomach while they were distracted.”

Tony laughs for a moment. Cutting his guffaws short, he returns to his original question, slightly rephrased for explicit clarity this time. “How long have you loved Bruce? As more than a friend or older brother etc.”

You stare at the man steadily. You wait until he blushes, finally showing proof and maybe a little guilt at inquiring about such a personal matter, to reply vaguely, “For a while now. Is that a problem?”

“No,” Tony shakes his head. “I mean, with others, there is the question of whether a relationship will cause tension and hinder work efficiency, but I doubt you’d let it.” He munches on another carrot, taking a moment to think. “Actually, I think you’d be good for him. I haven’t heard him talk so much until he was walking you through the place. Natasha agrees.”

“Oh…,” you can feel your ears starting to flush slightly. “Thank you, but he doesn’t think about me that way.”

“We’ll see,” he smiles. “I’m craving ice cream, want some?”

After a lovely ice cream break – excluding the slight row over the superiority of ice cream flavours, vanilla or chocolate – you went back to work.

It’s around 4 when Bruce wanders into the lab. “Tony! FRIDAY said to leave the reactor in the garage.”

“Yup,” Tony answers, not looking away from whatever welding he was doing on some piece of work.

“Hey,” you wave at Bruce absentmindedly. While your heart could only concentrate on Bruce, your mind still found the mysteries of biotechnology much more interesting. And it had had a head start in deciding what would get your attention.

“Hey,” Bruce frowned, glancing between the two of you warily. Crouching by your station, he whispers, “You’re okay with?” gesturing towards Tony.

“Hmm, wha?” You distractedly pat his face, ”Oh yeah. Hand me that laser, will you? Thanks.”

Bruce smiles slightly. He was used to your tunnel vision when absorbed with a project and was glad that you seemed to be interested. But, looking at your bent head, he almost wished you were a little less interested.

“So, you like working with Tony?”

You’re both sprawled over your bed, looking over your respective papers of data for the project.

“Yeah. He’s fun. And you know I’ve always liked collaborating with you, you know that, ever since we beat those jerks at the sand castle competition at the beach when we were in elementary school,” you smile slightly, offhanded in your response as you flip through the various graphs and statistics.

You can hear Bruce take a deep breath, but you don’t really pay attention. Sometimes, he just did that to clear his head. So, his next words surprise you. “… I like you, Y/N.”

You pause slightly. Your chest tightens for a moment before you can calm yourself down. While you always loved it when he said that, he had never meant it the way you’d wanted him to in the past. You can remember the first time he hugged you – when you helped him confess and get a date with Betty. Needless to say, his affection was sometimes a bit painful for you.

“Awww, thanks, Bruce, you know I like you, too.” You nudge him playfully and return to your work.

“Y/N.”

You look up at his unusually sharp tone

“I…,” he looks away then back at you, staring deep into your eyes. “I know I’ve taken you for granted, and I know we’d had this platonic brother-sister relationship thing going on for some time, but that’s not working for me anymore, the platonic thing. And the brother-sister thing, of course, then it’d be incestuous.”

“Umm, Bruce, where are you going with this?” You cock an eyebrow at his rushed babbling.

“I’m not saying this right.” He runs an agitated hand through his hair, rumpling it even more. “You’re always there for me and I can’t imagine you not. I cannot. It makes me shake and turn into him, just thinking about what could possibly have taken you from me. And now, I can’t seem to act normal around you and I’m just…-”

“Bruce,” you coax, while simultaneously trying to tell your thumping heart not to jump to any conclusions, but it already just wants to fling itself right out of your chest and into his gentle and slightly callused hands.

“I love you.” The words are muffled into his arm.

You pull his arm away from his face. “Come again?”

He can’t look at you. “I love you, Y/N.” His face is slowly turning a bright red.

You blink at him, sure you’d misheard. Suddenly you can’t help but giggle. Laughing, you admit, “Good. Because I’ve been in love with since I started high school and I was starting to get impatient.” You scoot closer to him so you can flutter a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“Y/N….” He blinks at you, eyes full of surprise and wonder and joy.

“Bruce Banner, aka the Hulk, I have loved and still love you with all my heart.” You cup his face.

You don’t know who moved first, or maybe you both moved at the same time, but your lips meet and your thoughts disappear.

A/N: THANK YOU FOR READING THIS! It’s my first Avengers fanfic, so hopefully, the characters are true to form. Sorry, if they’re not and that the (not really existent) plot was a bit all over the place. I had a different story in mind when I started writing this, and then it evolved, and I might have missed a few details.

#bruce banner #bruce banner x reader #the avengers #the hulk #mcu #marvel #mcu fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

67 notes · View notes

punkcherries · 6 years

Text

get ready to rrrrrumble

jesus christ this is a long ass submission so uh puts it in a read more also puts my txt in bold so its easier to read 👍

Right, so I’ve just read everything that happened in the last few asks you got and I’m just gonna sit down and tell you this right now. You better strap the fuck in because this is long and if you’re not gonna read it, shame on you, because all of this is specifically about YOU and the problems people have with you (the people Blu mentioned). First off, I’m not Blu, so don’t go and start calling him names in your server because you’re finally, FINALLY, being called out on all the bullshit you do. I used to be your friend, I left on semi-good terms, and this entire thing is going to explain WHY I left + why you need to square the fuck up.

sounds like fun whoever u are

You need to get your shit together and seriously change yourself, but of course you’re not gonna do that, because you’re an incompetent piece of shit who has your head so far up your ass you can’t see all the things you do wrong. You act like you’re the person who suffers the most, and that anytime anyone is rude to you it’s THEIR fault, not the fact that you did something terrible to someone or that you started some drama. I’ve been fed up with this shit for months, and have been hesitant to say anything directly to your face, because you don’t even know me that well and we hardly talked. We did interact a few times, but those few times were absolute hell to me, because I must have literally retracted some kind of disease just from being near you. You are the fucking EMBODIMENT of tumblrina, and it’s so fucking sad because you weren’t like this before (based on what a few others have told me).

the use of tumblrina here is jus makin me laugh ur a funny guy buddy but i feel like my past self is worse thn my current self like past me participated in cringe culture so like ew

The way you talk? Absolutely fucking horrid. Sit the fuck up and talk like a normal goddamn human being. I’m here to talk to you, not to decipher some 57 commas and abhorrid shortening of words. Jesus fucking Christ Sombre, I can understand Internet slang and cutting some words up, but you fucking butcher the English language so bad it literally sounds like a toddler having a stroke while mashing at their keyboard. It’s “that” not “tht”, it’s “thing” not “thng”, it’s “something” not “smth”, and for GOD FUCKING SAKES IT’S “THE” NOT “TH”. ARE YOU LITERALLY SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TYPE “THE”, A THREE LETTER WORD. I don’t give a shit if you’re talking like this to sound like an anxious uwu tumblr piece of SHIT, it sounds fucking IDIOTIC and it’s an ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PAIN TO READ.

language is fake and is mostly just sounds we give meaning, im very sorry if you have trouble reading the way i type and id be more than happy to try and not speak to you like i usually do to everyone else if you just asked politely and talked it out with me (tho the idiotic part is accurate im not very smart lmao)

SPEAKING OF YOUR TUMBLR, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR UPSET.TXT TAG. If you think anyone is gonna pity you, SPOILER ALERT! THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. Unless they’re your shitty “friends”, NOBODY fucking gives a shit, alrighty? Speaking from my perspective and a few others, nobody’s gonna see this venting on their dashboard and give two shits. Unless they’re your mutuals, they won’t care and it just leaves a bad impression. It’s pathetic how when ANYTHING negative happens to you, you decide to take to Tumblr to boo hoo crypost about it. You wanna vent? You wanna cry yourself to sleep? Cool, talk about it on your server, NOT FUCKING TUMBLR, WHERE LITERALLY ANYONE CAN SEE IT. This is just like how Facebook used to be, you see these posts of people posting personal shit and getting bit in the ass for it later, YEAH WELL THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW BUDDY. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T FUCKING VENT ON TUMBLR.

i rarely vent on here dude like?? do you see the time gaps between the posts in my vent tag? its also my blog so i can post whatever i like as long as im not hurting anyone yo, plus the point of venting for me at least isnt to like get attention or sympathy its to let off some steam not to mention most to all of my vent posts are vague as hell so like…. why do you even care though?? if i get bit in the ass then thats my problem not yours

Right, so let’s talk about your “im gay” tag too! You identify as male, correct? That’s cool! Congrats. But you’re not gay if you clearly show an interest in girls. Doesn’t matter if they’re fictional or not. Your “im gay” tag is filled with girls (Bismuth, some anime girl, pinup girls). NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! You’re male, those are females! Opposite genders! That means you’re NOT GAY! WOAAAAAH! So who are you to be reblogging and posting all this shit about how hetero people are the devil, hetero people are the worst wah wah, when you yourself identify as a guy and clearly seem to be interested in girls, even if just a little?

dude i used to identify as nonbinary i only recently started identifying as male, hell i used to identify as female ages back so like? the posts in that tag are most to all old and i do realize my attraction to girls isnt gay, hence why ive only been referring to my attraction to dudes as me being gay post-male identification i guess

Speaking of all the heterophobic shit you reblog, have you not considered it could make some of your followers feel absolutely terrible? I’m bi myself, I like both guys and girls, but holy FUCK when I see that shit on your blog it makes me feel guilty for liking guys at all! Is that how you want people to feel? Whether they’re pan, bi, or straight, that shit’s literally so fucking damaging and it sure as hell hurts to see! And don’t throw that “some of those posts are jokes” bullshit at me, because guess the fuck what! They may be jokes to people who aren’t hetero, but they sure as hell don’t seem like jokes to those who are! How would you feel if I made a joke that was even SLIGHTLY negative towards homosexuals? Wait, no, don’t answer that, because I already know how you’d feel. You’d get pissy, you’d stomp your little baby feet over to Tumblr, and then crypost about it, saying you’re facing homophobia and being harassed blah blah blah.

HETEROPHOBIC IM LAUGHING…. buddy…. pal…. heterophobia is fake and im very sorry if those post make you feel bad as a bisexual person (im also bi so) but heterophobia isnt actually a thing, comparing jokes directed at straight people to lgbtphobia is inherently lgbtphobic as it compares little jokes most to all directed at bigoted/ignorant straights to something that can often result in the actual literal death of hundreds of people for their gender/orientation- that doesnt happen to straight people dude

Also: you don’t have autism. Were you officially diagnosed? Because I’m gonna be real fuckin’ honest, it doesn’t sound like you have autism. You sure have something, hoh yeah, but it’s sure as hell not autism. You put your “autism” up on a pedestal and act like it’s one of the only things about you, like no hunty, your mental illness doesn’t define you. Nobody gives a shit, okay? Your mental illness isn’t an excuse to act like a literal fuckface, it’s not an excuse to treat people like shit, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to blame everything on others and make yourself out to be the good guy because “my autism made me anxious or forget things ;w;”. This is the exact kind of tumblrina thing I’m talking about, people on this goddamn website act like their mental illness is the only quality about them and that not being neurotypical makes them special. NEWS-FUCKIN-FLASH, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. You don’t see me using my mental illness as an excuse for my actions, because I actually step the fuck up and take responsibility for shit I’ve caused. My mental illness does not define me. There’s more to me than that. You need to realize that your fake-ass autism isn’t an excuse for you to be a fucking asshole to the people around you, and that your actions do have consequences. Stop blaming others for shit you’ve caused, stop calling people jackasses when it’s YOU who’s insulting people and twisting the truth, and for the love of God tell your white knights of friends to shut the FUCK up if they don’t know all the details of a situation.

i was technically diagnosed albeit in a nontraditional fashion (a psych at our middleschool was the one who diagnosed me) and i have never defined myself solely by my autism nor have i used it as an excuse for my fuck ups, ive literally apologized and stopped doing the things i did since the blu incident, i recognize i fucked up there and i apologized and i havent done the whole lying out of anxiety thing since, also my white knights of friends??? YOURE the one coming into MY inbox to tell me how shit i am after i blocked blu i literally just want this to be over leave me alone dude

Alright, so now that we’re done talking about YOU, let’s talk about your fandoms. You like Osomatsu-San. Okay, that’s fine. What’s not fine is how FUCKING obsessive you are about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking something and being attached to characters, making art of it, having a blog, reblogging it, talking about it, that’s okay. That’s okay! But you? You fucking hold the characters so close and act like they’re your own characters. You get upset when something doesn’t go your way in the show. This was evidenced by how many times you’ve complained about episodes (guess where? upset.txt) after they’ve come out. That anon about the straight joke? You got so heated over that, didn’t you? Saying Chibita was “out of character”, BITCH, what do you fucking know? He’s not your goddamn character! The writers will write him however the fuck they want. It’s THEIR fucking show, it’s THEIR fucking characters, and it’s THEIR decision of who does what and who acts like what. There’s a VERY thick line between canon and fanon, and you can’t seem to distinguish that AT ALL. You merge your shitty headcanons with the canon universe, and when something doesn’t go your way, you FREAK THE FUCK OUT and go crying about it in your server or on your tags.

youre blowing that ONE FUCKING POST so out of proportion ive never complained abt ososan in upset.txt outside of MAYBE episode 4 and that would be because of the NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENE i KNOW my headcanons arent canon i KNOW that the chibita/snowtoko complaint was MINOR and i fucking LIKED THAT EPISODE A LOT!! i didnt cry i just felt that based on how the staff have characterized chibita up until that point it was a little jarring to see him react like he did THAT IS ALL! what the fuck!! how would you even know what i talk about in my servers!! youre obviously misinformed my guy!!!

Lemme tell you something, Sombre: Karabita isn’t canon. OH SHIT! I SAID IT BOYS! THAT’S A FUCKING CURSE ISN’T IT!! No, sorry, sit the fuck down and suck those tears up, because it’s true. It’s not canon. It isn’t. You grasp at straws to say it is, but it isn’t. Chibita wore somehing blue? Oh shit, it’s Karamatsu! He’s clearly in love with him! No, sorry honey, that’s not how it works. Of course Chibita would feel pity on him and let him stay with him (ep 24), because who wouldn’t? That doesn’t mean they’re dating. Karamatsu may be the most bisexual person ever, but he sure as hell isn’t dating Chibita (at least, not canonly). Speaking of Chibita, you need to stop acting like any other Matsu x Chibita ship is literal hell. They’re not. There are some decent ones out there, and although they’re rarepairs by now, they’re a lot better quality than the Karabita bullshit you spew out.

me saying karabita is canon is a joke, and my disdain for non karabita matsubita ships is based half in coping reasons and half in chibita has literally no chemistry with the other matsus and seems to not like any of the other bros at all whereas hes actually shown some level of tolerance or interest in karamatsu

While we’re on the subject of non-canon ships, Atsutodo isn’t canon either. Fuck’s sake, they were on screen together for 10 damn seconds. Yes, I’m aware there’s card art of Atsushi and Todomatsu having a meal together, but they’re very clearly not dating if Todomatsu is still going out with girls and holding their hands etc. Oh, speaking of Todomatsu: Your trans hc of him? Generic as fuck. He’s not trans. Call me a transphobe, I don’t give a shit, but he’s not trans. Look at the -kun animes. He’s a guy. Where in his life would he have magically been a girl and then go right back to a guy? The time span between a 12 year old and a 21 year old isn’t long enough to allow you time to transition. In that day and age, it wasn’t even acceptable to be transgender. So none of the Matsus are trans, get that out of your head. Get those “autism hcs” out of your head too, because I KNOW you hc Kara and Jyushi as autistic (and I’m aware you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic too, but we’ll get to that later).

i know atsutodo isnt canon i never said it was all the “x ship is canon” jokes are about karabita and theyre jokes dude, i just think atsutodo would be cute. why the fuck do you even care about my trans hcs?? theyre HEADCANONS they dont HURT ANYONE and like dude there are trans children out there….. stop being a fuckface about simple headcanons what the fuck.

Lemme tell ya something. Karamatsu sure as hell isn’t autistic. Literally the only reason you headcanon him as such is because you yourself claim to be autistic and because “uwu he’s m fav,,,, i relate to him,,,”. Also, I realize “jyushi is autistic xD” headcanons are common, but JESUS FUCK it’s time for them to die. Jyushimatsu is just bizarre in and out, it’s his personality and his way of life. If you’re gonna hc him as autistic for his personality, you’re obviously ignoring his physical abilities. What about that time he cloned himself? Grew different sizes? What about how he seemingly has no bones (tentacle arms)? But oh, let’s ignore that, because he’s always got a smile on his face and he has a childish personality so DURR HE’S OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC. Also, you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic, but as soon as you started hating him you threw that headcanon out the window. This is PROOF you only headcanon your favorite characters as autistic, and that’s some of the STUPIDEST shit ever.

literally just let people headcanon what they want if it doesnt hurt anyone, im sure in canon theyre not autistic but this is HEADCANON. and is this also to imply that just because a character can do bizarre thing with theyre body they cant also be autistic?? what the fuck does that have to do with anything??? and i didnt throw my autistic ichi hc out the window because “i hate him” i dont even hate him im indifferent to him i hate his fanon incarnation because its stupidly out of character and one note, i also didnt even drop the autism hc for him i feel like he definitely 100% could be autistic but i just dont think about it as much because i think about other characters more than i think about him

Oh yeah, I’d love to hear why you hate Ichimatsu so much? Shut up, I know it’s because “hhhh he abuses kara” but that’s fucking wrong. Listen, Ichimatsu isn’t exactly my favorite either but at least I don’t make him out to be a fucking asshole to Karamatsu. All of the brothers have treated Karamatsu like shit at one point or another. They’ve thrown things at him, ditched him, called him names, ignored him, it’s a fucking trope in the anime that Karamatsu was the one to get hurt. Sure, season 2 has kinda turned that around, but the whole “Ichimatsu is bitter to Karamatsu” thing is the dynamic between them. They DO have moments where they’re not onto each other, though. See how Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu into the woods? Remember the episode where they switched clothes? They didn’t kill each other neither of those times, did they? And yes, I’m aware Ichimatsu has hurt Karamatsu at times (the bazooka, I think smacking?) but he doesn’t LITERALLY ABUSE HIM. You don’t see him kicking him around, PUNCHING HIM, HITTING HIM, EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE. Yes, he calls him names. Yes, he’s threatened to hurt him (“I’ll kill you, Shittymatsu.”) but he’s been stopped or HAS stopped every time. If he really was so intent on hurting Karamatsu, don’t you think he wouldn’t ignore his brothers and hurt Karamatsu anyway? But no, he didn’t, and he stopped each time he grabbed Kara. That’s because the entire “Ichimatsu despises Karamatsu” thing is a GAG in the show. It’s meant to be funny. It’s not meant for your negative ass to label it as abuse and then boohoo about it every time Ichimatsu is mentioned. That’s not a valid reason to hate a character, hell, even Karamatsu’s seiyuu said in a Doramatsu CD that Karamatsu was just comic relief. And if you’re gonna look for a reason why Ichimatsu dislikes Karamatsu, consider the hinted and well-supported reason: Ichimatsu “hates” Karamatsu because of how confident he is and how he can always be himself. Ichi is insecure. Ichi is antisocial. Kara, on the other hand, can express himself and show how “cool” he is. Consider that Ichimatsu wants to be more like him, hence why he said he’s the “number one Karamatsu boy” in that one episode.

okay this is just ridiculous i DONT HATE ICHIMATSU and i KNOW its a GAG, i KNOW they get along sometimes i KNOW all the brothers have shat on kara I KNOW THIS abuse takes many forms though and in a more serious anime the way the bros treat kara would probably be depicted as abusive, but it isnt a serious anime so its a gag and i understand that thats FINE, did you even watch the ichimatsu incident? ichimatsu got plenty fucking pissed off at karamatsu and stuff and the “number one karamatsu boy” nonsense was him being concerned about how karamatsu might think of him as such not him calling himself a karamatsu boy, and yes i know the whole ichi wants to be cool and confident like kara thing i understand that but even so that wouldnt logically excuse his bitterness toward kara but again, its a gag anime so its whatever, youre also ignoring the facet of his disdain towards kara being in part because kara is also vain and ichi finds this annoying and thinks kara is fake as hell because of it there was something in i think a magazine where the bros are all asked what they think of eachother i think and i THINK ichi said something along the lines of him not liking kara because he fakes being nice for the sake of his own ego or something (which is likely ichi just having a negative image of kara rather than that actually being the case because i dont think karas that smart but who knows i dont!!) so like y’know

In conclusion, I would like to say you need to shut the fuck up and chill with your fandoms and headcanons, realize headcanons aren’t canon, and also get your head out of your ass. You’ve done so many wrong things and need to stop blaming them on others. You’ve lied, insulted, and put the blame on so many of your old friends, you’ve avoided people who you deem “toxic” (simply because they have different opinions than you), you think people can’t form their own opinions, and you don’t back up your friends when they’re getting shittalked. You act like an assoholic brat and cannot, for the life of you, open up your eyes and see this. You’re lucky the dicktwats on your server are there for you, because if they weren’t, you’d be all alone, and honestly? That seems pretty good at this point. Fits you perfectly.

i know headcanons arent canon, i know ive lied (though ive really only insulted people who were dicks to my friends and maybe blu which probably not a good thing but i mean hes also insulted me so?? even i guess??) and i regret that, im more honest now and try my best to show kindness to people who have done me and my friends no wrong, ive only ever put blame on blu i literally dont blame anyone else for anything, i dont avoid people i deem “toxic” i avoid people i dont get along with because if i dont get along with them then theres no reason to talk to them im gonna let them live their lives, of course i think people can form their own opinions what on earth are you talking about???? when did i not back up a friend when they got shit talked?? i dont remember that but id like to deeply apologize if i ever did, unless youre talking about when someone in my server insults blu over ykno… him not leaving me alone and harassing me when ive done nothing but mind my own business since the incident, then while it was kind of uncomfortable for me because i felt it was the wrong thing to do i couldnt exactly muster the words to protest it. im very sorry you feel that way im always trying to improve and i like to think that im making some level of progress in being more sensitive and kind to those around me. but also dont insult my friends they didnt do shit weve been minding our own goddamn business this entire time blu is the one who started it back up again.

Now, go back to crying in your server and soaking in self-deprication, fuckass.

yknow i get the feeling i know who this is but i dont want to jump to any conclusions so, uh, okay! see ya my dude :0c

#shut up sombre #drama /#heres to hoping this is the last thing i get abt this bc this is jus really dumb and im tryna move on over here #ask to tag /#submission

1 note · View note

lastsonlost · 7 years

Link

AN SJW ALMOST CAME CLOSE TO SELF AWARENESS.

There is a particularly aggressive strand of social justice activism weaving in and out of my Seattle community that has troubled me, silenced my loved ones, and turned away potential allies. I believe in justice. I believe in liberation. I believe it is our duty to obliterate white supremacy, anti-blackness, cisheteropatriarchy, ableism, capitalism, and imperialism. And I also believe there should be openness around the tactics we use and ways our commitments are manifested over time. Beliefs and actions are too often conflated with each other, yet questioning the latter should not renege the former. As a Cultural Studies scholar, I am interested in the ways that culture does the work of power. What then, is the culture of activism, and in what ways are activists restrained by it? To be clear, I’m only one person who is trying to figure things out, and I’m open to revisions and learning. But as someone who has spent the last decade recovering from a forced conversion to evangelical Christianity, I’m seeing a disturbing parallel between religion and activism in the presence of dogma:

1. Seeking purity

There is an underlying current of fear in my activist communities, and it is separate from the daily fear of police brutality, eviction, discrimination, and street harassment. It is the fear of appearing impure. Social death follows when being labeled a “bad” activist or simply “problematic” enough times. I’ve had countless hushed conversations with friends about this anxiety, and how it has led us to refrain from participation in activist events, conversations, and spaces because we feel inadequately radical. I actually don’t prefer to call myself an activist, because I don’t fit the traditional mold of the public figure marching in the streets and interrupting business as usual. When I was a Christian, all I could think about was being good, showing goodness, and proving to my parents and my spiritual leaders that I was on the right path to God. All the while, I believed I would never be good enough, so I had to strain for the rest of my life towards an impossible destination of perfection.

I feel compelled to do the same things as an activist a decade later. I self-police what I say in activist spaces. I stopped commenting on social media with questions or pushback on leftist opinions for fear of being called out. I am always ready to apologize for anything I do that a community member deems wrong, oppressive, or inappropriate- no questions asked. The amount of energy I spend demonstrating purity in order to stay in the good graces of fast-moving activist community is enormous. Activists are some of the judgiest people I’ve ever met, myself included. There’s so much wrongdoing in the world that we work to expose. And yet, grace and forgiveness are hard to come by in these circles. At times, I have found myself performing activism more than doing activism. I’m exhausted, and I’m not even doing the real work I am committed to do. It is a terrible thing to be afraid of my own community members, and know they’re probably just as afraid of me. Ultimately, the quest for political purity is a treacherous distraction for well-intentioned activists.

2. Reproducing colonialist logics

Postcolonialist black Caribbean philosopher Frantz Fanon in his 1961 book Wretched of the Earth writes about the volatile relationship between the colonizer and the colonized, and the conditions of decolonization. In it, he sharply warns the colonized against reproducing and maintaining the oppressive systems of colonization by replacing those at top by those previously at the bottom after a successful revolution.

As a QTPOC (queer, trans person of color), I have experienced discrimination and rejection due to who I am. I have sought out QTPOC-only spaces to heal, find others like me, and celebrate our differences. Those spaces and relationships have saved me from despair time and time again. And yet, I reject QTPOC supremacy, the idea that QTPOCs or any other marginalized groups deserve to dominate society. The experiences of oppression do not grant supremacy, in the same way that being a powerful colonizer does not. Justice will never look like supremacy. I wish for a new societal order that does not revolve around relations of power and domination.

3. Preaching/Punishments

Telling people what to do and how to live out their lives is endemic to dogmatic religion and activism. It’s not that my comrades are the bosses of me, but that dogmatic activism creates an environment that encourages people to tell other people what to do. This is especially prominent on Facebook. Scrolling through my news feed sometimes feels Iike sliding into a pew to be blasted by a fragmented, frenzied sermon. I know that much of the media posted there means to discipline me to be a better activist and community member. But when dictates aren’t followed, a common procedure of punishment ensues. Punishments for saying/doing/believing the wrong thing include shaming, scolding, calling out, isolating, or eviscerating someone’s social standing. Discipline and punishment has been used for all of history to control and destroy people. Why is it being used in movements meant to liberate all of us? We all have made serious mistakes and hurt other people, intentionally or not. We get a chance to learn from them when those around us respond with kindness and patience. Where is our humility when examining the mistakes of others? Why do we position ourselves as morally superior to the un-woke? Who of us came into the world fully awake?

4. Sacred texts

There are also some online publications of dogmatic activism that could be considered sacred texts. For example, the intersectional site Everyday Feminismreceives millions of views a month. It features more than 40 talented writers who pen essays on a wide range of anti-oppression topics, zeroing in on ones that haven’t yet broached larger activist conversations online. When Everyday Feminism articles are shared among my friends, I feel both grateful that the conversation is sparking and also very belittled. Nearly all of their articles follow a standard structure: an instructive title, list of problematic or suggested behaviors, and a final statement of hard opinion. The titles, the educational tone, and the prescriptive checklists contribute to creating the idea that there is only one way to think about and do activism. And it’s a swiftly moving target that is always just out of reach. In trying to liberate readers from the legitimately oppressive structures, I worry that sites like Everyday Feminism are replacing them with equally restrictive orthodoxy on the other end of the political spectrum.

Have I extricated myself from a church to find myself confined in another?

At this year’s Allied Media Conference, BLM co-founder Alicia Garza gave an explosive speech to a theatre full of brilliant and passionate organizers. She urged us to set aside our distrust and critique of newer activists and accept that they will hurt and disappoint us. Don’t shut them out because their politics are outdated or they don’t wield the same language. If we are interested in building the mass movements needed to destroy mass oppression, our movements must include people not like us, people with whom we will never fully agree, and people with whom we have conflict. That’s a much higher calling than railing at people from a distance and labeling them as wrong. Ultimately, according to Garza, building a movement is about restoring humanity to all of us, even to those of us who have been inhumane. Movements are where people are called to be transformed in service of liberation of themselves and others.

I want to spend less time antagonizing and more time crafting alternative futures where we don’t have to fight each other for resources and care. For an introvert like me, that may look like shifting my activism towards small scale projects and recognizing personal relationships as locations of mutual transformation. It might mean carefully choosing whether I want to be part of public disruptions or protests, and giving myself full permission to refrain at times. It may mean drawing attention to the ways in which other people outside of movements have been living out activism, even if no one has ever called it that. It might mean checking in with myself about how I have let my heart grow hard. It may mean admitting that speaking my truth isn’t justification for being mean. It might mean directly dealing with my religious hangups so that I can come to a place where the resonant aspects of theology or spirituality become part of my toolkit. It means cultivating long-term relationships with those outside my (not that) safe and exclusive community, understanding I will learn so much from them. It means ceasing to “other” people and leave them behind. It means honoring their humanity, in spite of their hurtful political beliefs and violent actions. It means seeing them as individuals, not ideologies or systems. It means acknowledging their agency to act justly. It means inviting them to be with us in love, and pushing through repeated rejection. Otherwise, I’m not sure how I can sustain this work for the rest of my life

#social justice Warriors #social justice politics #identity politics #feminism

96 notes · View notes

starsmuserainbow · 7 years

Text

Thank you!

So, it’s that time again!

I originally intended to wait longer with my next post like this, but then again I’d only have waited because I would want to avoid having to face my shyness by doing this here. So, instead of waiting, I decided to go ahead with this number.

I have reached another number, that will be mentioned once but only below the cut for those that don’t like people talking about their amount of followers.

This is incredibly hard for me, but I had big plans for my next post and I intend to stick to those plans. It will get very long below the cut, so be warned when you click.

Short version:

Thank you all for following me and thus being interested in my Star and/or my writing!

I apologize if any of the ones that I’ll list below are currently on hiatus or inactive or anything, I don’t intend to force you back or something, I just wanted to say how I feel about your blog, and also try to word how thankful I am, and/or say a few nice words which I never would have the courage to say otherwise.

One more thing: Please don’t measure the length or compare it to the others. I can’t say exactly the same amount of things to everyone, and I also don’t wanna repeat ‘cliche-y’ terms for every single one of you. I only wanna write the most important things I feel about you, so please don’t be mad for getting fewer lines than someone else or something.

Also, to those that had already been mentioned in the last post I did of this (half a year ago or so), forgive me if something I say sounds very similar.

So! On with the list. I plan to mention almost every mutual I have down here, if I left you out I apologize. I go by the ‘followers’ list of tumblr, so it could be that it isn’t showing me everything right now or I simply missed one while going through the list. I still value you though! Oh, or, if I can see the dates of posts, and you haven’t posted anything within say the last two months or so, I’ll not mention you either. (I’ll also leave out ones like, that are posting news of something and likely only followed me back to... I don’t know, to be polite or something?)

Before I start: Thank you for allowing me to have reached 400 followers!

EDIT: If you got a notification but can’t find yourselves on the list, I am so very sorry! I had more people on the list at first, but then removed a few as I was working on it for various reasons (my shyness the most prominent one, inactivity being another and/or also if I just didn’t really know what to write), and tumblr seems to have sent out notifications nonetheless! I am very very truly sorry, I still value you very much!

@frozenloyalty: I think you’ve been following me for a very long time already, and I don’t understand why but I think tumblr has already made me unfollow you a few times, so first off, my apologies if you have recieved follow-notices more than once from me over the time. I’m not that indecisive about who I follow, and I really hate it when I after some time find out that I’m not following someone anymore. I actually don’t know anything about Xiaolin, but nonetheless I really like your character and I really enjoy the things you write! Not to mention you also have an Aqualad, and I think you’re doing him greatly and I always like to read the things you put on my dash!

@the-boy-wcnder: I think I mentioned in my last of these kind of posts already how much I enjoy to talk to you OOC? I don’t have many that I actually talk to about things sometimes, and you’re definitely one of those few! That means a lot for me, and while I’m not using Skype anymore which leaves basically only IMs on here (and tags on posts), I still appreciate it highly everytime we talk! Then there’s of course also the thing about the thread with the tamaranean staff; I’m so glad that you actually liked that idea/concept of mine! I very much enjoyed the interactions we had so far, and - this isn’t to force you to be active again or anything for I know that your last post has been a while but it’s still withing the 2 months I’ve set as ‘limit’ to when someone has to have been active to be included in here - I’m sure there’ll be many more great ones to come!

@shiningdream: I don’t know a thing about Pretty Cure in general, maybe aside from the fact that it is about magical girls. But from what I’ve seen, I really like Nozomi! And since I have never seen anything from it, that must be thanks to your writing! She seems like a wonderful character, I’m happy to be able to follow the things you write and learn more about her in that way, and even more happy that you are actually following me back!

@sorcxrxss: I don’t remember the name of the blog anymore (you had a different back then I know that), but I remember that we ‘met’ very early in my starting on here. I won’t forget that, and it always makes me happy when I notice that we’re still mutuals!

@riverborne: What a wonderful character Mnemosyne seems to be! I think I have told you that somewhere before (in my last ‘thank you’-thing? or maybe IM? I can’t say anymore), but you definitely made me enjoy her and that even though I never watched Sailor Moon far enough to actually know the character! Thanks for still following me, it means a lot!

@hisluckycharm: We had a very short-lived thing going once, didn’t we? Anyway! I love Ladybug and you do her so nicely, I very much enjoy to read your things when they appear on my dash!

@steelbonesandbighearts: Again, I don’t know anything about the fandom. The concept (of Hetalia as a whole I assume) is very fascinating though and I thank you for being interested in interacting with me! I enjoyed what we had so far; which reminds me; what happened to our thread? I’ll have to look up if it’s one of the things I (sadly) miss from time to time, because I definitely would like to continue interacting with you!

@graceful-cure-swan: I’m so thankful to have a chance to interact with you! Tsubasa is a really great character (and I assumed she would be a canon character at first since I have no idea about the fandom), and I so much appreciate that you were the one to make the first step for us to interact! I’m still not quite over my problems about sending things to people, but I always make myself try a little harder because I know there are wonderful people like you that do it and I wish to be able to give back a little of the love it shares, too!

@gottakeepemall: I think we talked somewhere once? Anyway! I haven’t watched Pokemon far enough to actually know about Bonnie, but from what I’ve seen thanks to you I absolutely adore her! I really like seeing you on my dash, and it makes me happy to know that you are still following me, too!

@apocalypsxmaidxn: I know I suck at communicating, and I feel like I’m way too often not responding anymore when we start talking through IM, and for that I’m very very sorry! I feel like we’d have interacted a lot already, but I think there wasn’t actually that much we did (yet)? We certainly should do more things together!

@cruelcrusader: I think you might be the only Batman that follows me, and that means a lot! I very much enjoy to see your things on my dash, and I’m happy that you are following me as well!

@adamxntium: I’m so glad about our interaction! Even if it takes some time every now and then to be continued, it’s a wonderful thread and I’m sure there is much more awaiting the two of them!

@justathief: Oh, Star and me both definitely enjoyed the interaction we had so much! I’ve actually recently put ‘fly me to the moon’ into my playlist on my computer again, and everytime it starts playing I’m reminded of the thread! You’re a great Red X and I always enjoy to read what appears on my dash from you!

@vertounda: We haven’t had any big interactions (yet), but let me just still say that I very much enjoy knowing that we’re mutuals! I appreciate it whenever you send me something (and I really should get better at sending things to return that gesture sometimes too), and it’s always great to see the things you do!

@aerokinesiiss: I love the fact that we’re Star-Sisters (for both going by Star on here)! Back when I read W.i.t.c.h., I always liked Hay Lin very much. Not only did interacting with you renew that liking, it also made it even bigger! I read almost everything that I see posted by you, and I’m always so excited when our threads are continued! (This isn’t the blog where I should mention this, but - I’m not sure if I’ll get enough followers on him any time soon to do a post like this there and also - I’ll never get over how thankful/delighted/happy I am for you being the first to interact with my Wildfire! And then it became such a wonderful relationship between them, I just love them so much together and often think about them!)

@destruction-robot: Again a fandom I know nothing about; but still I definitely like to see you on my dash! You’ve been following on my sideblogs too, and even already interacting, which I appreciate very much. That brings me to the thought... don’t you have sideblogs too? I think I’ve read something about them once while I was on mobile and intended to take a look once I’m back on my computer, but then forgot about it! I’ll have to check for those after being done with this post, I’ll certainly not want to miss out on more writing from you! (Also, by the way, what happened to our threads, on any of my three blogs? I’ll have to try and search for them, too, that is if you still want to continue those since I think it’s been a while already)

@aureajuniper: I have watched your dash and what happened on your blog for a while already. I enjoy your writing very much, and I learned so much about your characters only thanks to following you, I honestly can’t understand why you seem to have so many bad things happening every now and then. I’m very sorry that those things happen to you, you’re a wonderful person that not only does a great job at RPing but also does icons for others, and you don’t deserve any bad things happening to you!

@billyandhismultiples: A Billy! Oh, I was really happy when I saw you! He’s such a enjoyable character, and then you do him so well! We haven’t had any long-ish interactions yet or anything (we had one, I just don’t think it really counts as long), and Star hasn’t given Billy a chance on becoming friends yet, but I’m sure however they will turn out any interactions that are to come will be wonderful! And even if there are none to come, I still enjoy seeing such a wonderful Billy on my dash, and then even knowing he’s (well, or, technically, his mun) is following me back!

@sclsticed: I didn’t even know about Kiran before I found you (I guess you followed me first? I don’t actually remember anymore). She’s such a wonderful character though and I’m so very thankful to have learned about her thanks to you! I also really enjoy our interaction with my Blackfire, and I’m really happy whenever I see you on my dash!

@lucklessprincess: Such a great Jinx! I love your Jinx so much, and all those many headcanons you have, it’s amazing! Not to mention you also do such wonderful art, and have fascinating OCs, too! We haven’t really done any long-going interactions or anything (yet), but I don’t mind because I still really like to see whatever you put on my dash! You’re wonderful and one of the persons I definitely look up to!

@feistyfreckleface: I really like Anna! I liked her in the movie, and I like her even more through you! I’m not quite sure what happened to our thread, but it was no doubt a great one and Starfire was definitely happy to make such a wonderful new friend!

@firefavoring: I really like W.i.t.c.h. in general, and to have such a wonderful Taranee willing to follow me and interact with me makes me so happy! It’s always great to see you on my dash, and I very much enjoy to know that we’re mutuals!

@omamcri: I’m always keeping up with the Detective Conan manga (or Case Closed if that’s how it’s called where you are), whenever it comes out here I’m reading it as soon as possible! I haven’t watched the anime in a while, but nonetheless, I really like it and I very much enjoy the fact that a great Heiji follows me! I have no idea how a meeting would actually work if we ever were to interact, but I’m definitely not against it happening someday!

@grimmtime: Having a Grimm as an actual... uh, how do I say it, as an actual thinking being is such a interesting idea! While Starfire and Grimm maybe didn’t have the best start at their meeting, it was a very interesting and most enjoyable one!

@rosesofflame: A very interesting OC! I really like to watch you on my dash, and it’s making me feel even better to know we’re mutuals! I’m having much too big problems to actually approach people, otherwise I think I woud’ve had tried to start something with you a while ago already!

@littlestarmaiden: Another wonderful OC! I really like the concept, and from what I’ve seen on my dash of you I like your character as well!

@problem-free: Lion King! I can’t say I’d have watched it multiple times or can remember every detail of scenes of it or anything, but what I do know is that I enjoyed it very much and one of the things I remembered the most was Timon and Pumbaa! I’ve been quietly watching your blog for a while now already (I think it’s at least a few months that we’re mutuals already? Or if not then it at least feels like it), and in my opinion you’re doing a really amazing Timon!

@valieente: Meeting a talking cat has made Starfire extremely happy! Aside from that, I always liked Puss, and to then find one on here that’s doing such a good job RPing as him was wonderful! I’m really glad we met and I’m so happy to be able to interact with you! (I know you’re not really there at the moment but you made that post about planning to come back so I thought it’s alright to include you here too)

@archeroftheeast: Another one of the people I definitely look up to! I read almost everything I see on my dash that comes from you (this includes your other blogs I follow), and I always enjoy it! You’re such a great RPer and so much more, I’m very delighted to be good enough to be mutuals with you!

@finderofdeath: Such wonderful OCs! I really like the interaction that Star and Eath have, and your OCs are really great and interesting and I’m happy that we interact and are mutuals!

@tradicans: I hope you’ll feel better about things soon, and/or find more time for the things you want to do! I’m having somewhat the same problem and try to get to solving it so I very much understand why you’re not very active at the moment. That’s alright though, for I love our interactions and I definitely won’t mind waiting!

@avalanchiing: I don’t know anything about Lance, but from what I’ve seen on your blog I find him interesting!

@untouchable-lightning: I really enjoy our interactions! Star often tends to try and befriend villains, but it’s a bit different with those two I think because she doesn’t quite see Ariel as a villain. I like their relationship and the threads we have, so thanks for being mutuals with me!

@judasborn: I still can’t quite believe you’re following me, and even on Wildfire too! I really admire your blog, you’re such a wonderful Jericho and it always makes me happy to see you on my dash! I’ve also already learned a lot more about him than I knew before we became mutuals, all thanks to reading what you post! Also, I am aware you reblog memes from me sometimes, and I wanna say that it always makes me try to fight my shyness more to actually approach you! I haven’t been successful yet, but hopefully it’ll come someday.

@puffywarrior: Kirby is such a cute little thing, and you do him so well! I’m very happy to be mutuals with you, and if you want to, we should totally interact some time!

@xitch-bxy: I knew nothing about Klarion before finding your blog. I have never watched Young Justice, and I don’t know about the comics; so I can’t really compare to how he is anywhere else, but I really like your Klarion! And our (bit of) interaction was wonderful too, I’m happy to be mutuals with you!

@bxrdmom: What a wonderful character Arella is! I don’t know anything aside from her short appearance in the cartoon, but I always was interested in her nonetheless! You’re a great writer and it’s always nice when people take upon giving a smaller character more love, and from what I’ve seen you do so very well!

@microscopiic-abomination: Oh, how much Spongebob did I watch in earlier years? Quite a lot, actually, and your Plankton is so great! I enjoy seeing you on my dash and I’m thankful that we’re mutuals!

@mxnofmyxtery: I love our interactions! Every single one of them, they’re so great and offer such interesting adventures! Rex is a wonderful and fascinating character, and I so much like to see you appear on my dash!

@telekinctics: Again, I can’t really say I know much about your character. What I’ve seen so far, however, you’re a great writer and I like your character thanks to that; and you’re definitely a wonderful person as well, I really love seeing you on my dash!

@frostbitfun: I really liked Jack in the movie, and from what I’ve seen you do him so nicely! I like your blog very much, and I hope that I’m someday strong enough to push my shyness away and approach you for some kind of interaction!

@xenothiums: I really like your Red X! We haven’t interacted yet, but even without doing so I appreciate seeing your things on my dash! I like to read what you post, you do Red X nicely, and I’m glad that we’re mutuals!

@sewn-cutie: Oh, I love Clementine! And our interactions are so wonderful, not to mention that I absolutely adore your art and that you even make pictures for many of the people your little doll interacts with! You’re so wonderful, I can’t even properly word it! Thanks so much for being mutuals and interacting with me!

@nvertoolate: I don’t think I can really explain how thankful I am to have you as mutual. Our interactions are always so wonderful, and I like your Terra and the things you write so much, it’s just amazing! I don’t know what else to say here, I just hope that we will be able to keep interacting for a long time to come!

@blackfiire: Your Blackfire is amazing! I always enjoy to read the things you write, and I’m aware that we talked a bit once; I’m hopeful that someday I really will be able to send you something or use some other way to interact with you!

@peaceloveandmustard: One thing I’ll most likely not forget so soon will be the term Star-Sisters I’ve learned from you! I love the idea of using that to refer to all the Starfire RPers, and while I also have another Star-Sister which is simply because we both go by Star on here (see somewhere above if you wanna know who I mean), I really enjoy the idea and I’ll certainly remember this term! Aside from that, your Starfire is really great to see on the dash and I’m very thankful to be mutuals!

@mayhemforhire: I think more or longer interactions between us took place with your Ben, but I’m tagging this blog of yours because I’m seeing this one more often on my dash at the moment! I really enjoy our interactions, they’re always very entertaining and I’m glad that we happened to meet on here!

@autemiiisms: I’ve already mentioned twice that I liked W.i.t.c.h. very much when I was younger, and it’s just so wonderful to be able to relive this nostalgia by meeting ones that are willing to interact with me! You’re a great Will and I’m glad we interact!

@emoticlysm: You’re definitely one of those I admire! I know sometimes people don’t wanna hear that because they don’t feel they deserve it, but I just can’t not say it! You’re such a great Raven and I really enjoy seeing you on my dash; and everytime I’m once again aware of the fact that we’re mutuals I can’t quite believe it!

@ravagedglass: So, since I know next to nothing about the comics, I didn’t exactly know much about Rose either. I feel like I learned a lot already, thanks to you, and I really like your writing! I can’t really compare your way of writing her to any canon things, but I think you’re really wonderful at doing her!

@atrox-voluntas: I really liked our interaction, and am looking forward to more! From what I’ve seen, you’re a nice person and a good roleplayer and I’m very happy we’re mutuals and interacting!

@hopeherself: Madoka is such a wonderful character, and you do her very well! I enjoy seeing you on my dash, and the (bit of) interaction we had was great too!

@rain-wander: Technically we’re not mutuals but I still count it as such since I’m following your Raven and you follow back from the main blog. Our interactions are great, and I hope we’ll keep interacting for a while to come! You’re a good Raven and I’m happy to be able to RP with you!

@siilentiisms: Jericho is such a great character, I’m so happy to have him on my dash! (Technically even twice since I follow one other Jericho too, but that’s not the point right now) You’re really great and I enjoy to have you on my dash, I definitely like to read the things whenever you post something!

@xmemoriia: I think I have played MapleStory ages ago for a bit? Never really much though, and even for the bit that I played I can’t actually remember anything. So, I can’t say I know about Shade in any way aside from your blog, but from what I’ve read so far he’s a great character and I’m very interested in him! Also, can I mention just how impressed I’m always by people that do their own art for icons? You seem like a wonderful person and I’m delighted that we’re mutuals!

@tinkiisms: Such a wonderful Tinkerbell! I love all the nostalgia feels I get from having you on my dash, and I think you’re doing her very nicely! I love reading or looking at what you post, I’m very happy to actually be mutuals with you and even though I’m normally too shy to say it I hope there’ll be a way we will interact some time!

@thewitchofice: I’m currently trying to slowly catch up with my ‘Winx-knowledge’ by watching the episodes from where I stopped watching one per (almost every) day. But even without having seen every single episode there is, I’m certain you’re a great Icy! I’m glad we’re interacting, and while Starfire might not be very happy if she ever finds out that Icy doesn’t exactly have the best intentions, I’ll always be happy to be mutuals with you!

@otherworldlylightningbolt: I have learned so much about Kilowatt only by reading through your blog and the things you post! I really like him, and I enjoyed the interactions we had so far! Thank you!

@dutypatrols: I’ve always liked Robin in the cartoon, and you do him very well! We have only interacted (a bit) OOC as of yet, but I’m sure someday there’ll come more and I’m just very happy to know that the interest is mutual!

@rockcrushed: You are a very good Terra! I like to read your things, and I enjoy the fact that we’re mutuals! I hope we’ll be interacting someday, and until we are (or even if we won’t) I’ll happily look at your posts anyway!

@moonrisiing: Oh, oh, oh! I’m not even sure how to start. We had short interactions on a few of your blogs, and I loved every single one of them! Not to mention it’s so wonderful to talk to you OOC! I’m so happy to have met you on here and I’m very thankful for it!

@acrobaticism: From what I’ve seen, you’re a wonderful Robin, and I’m excited to know we’re mutuals! Someday I’ll be brave enough to actually approach you in some way to get an interaction going!

@spxder-head: I didn’t expect to ever be interacting with a Fang, but I really like it! You’re making him very interesting and I’m excited to see how our interactions will continue, both on here and with Blackfire!

@tyrantsiblings: Our interactions are so much fun! Star always loves to take care of animals, and if they’re rare (or should be extinct) that only makes it even more interesting! Your two rexes are so cute and fascinating and I love our things!

@scarabfused: I can’t say I know very much about Jaime/Blue Beetle, aside from that I have watched the recent TT movies. I really like what I know of his character so far, and seeing your things makes it even more so! Quite often when I see you post something I start to think about how they would meet in the verse of the cartoon (since I don’t do the movie as verse or anything), and I hope we’ll someday find out!

@nebulabeings: I have a big respect for people that are brave enough to actually put their OCs ‘out there’, open to see for everyone. Your OCs seem very interesting, andI’m pretty sure you’re a nice person too, so I appreciate to have you as my mutual!

@shogun--of--sorrow: We only recently became mutuals so I don’t think I can really say much yet. I don’t know about Samurai Jack, so I can’t really say anything about the fandom or my thoughts on your character. I’m certainly interested though!

@poutybatmavy: I really enjoyed the movies, and I’m very glad to be able to interact with a Mavis now! It’s been a joy so far, and I’m rather sure it’ll continue to be very entertaining, thank you for being mutual with me!

@fuckedluck: I can’t really say anything about your RPing for I don’t think I have seen any of it on my dash yet, but I always appreciate more Jinx’s (or more TT characters in general) to interact with and I hope we will someday!

@teentiitan: And another Robin! I feel like I’m following too many Robins xD Anyway! I’m excited to be mutuals with you and I hope we’ll interact some time!

If you aren’t on this list, I very much apologize. I didn’t manage to fend off my shyness entirely, so I left out a very few that I just couldn’t make myself actually tag. Then there are also quite a few I didn’t mention because I think/know they are the same person like one that I have tagged; and there’s of course the ones that tumblr simply made me miss! If you’re a mutual and not mentioned here, please forgive me for it! I value and appreciate you nonetheless!

#✫ Out of Clurblopf ✫ | OOC #so in the end I couldn't make myself actually approach every single mutual I have in here #but I think I still managed to mention quite a few I'd normally shy away from #so that's something; and now I have to make myself actually post it #(which already has happened when you can read those tags #but I still need to write them to get them out of my head)#I know I've not been as active during the last few days #and I'm sorry for that; but that makes me appreciate those #that stick with me nonetheless even more #so a big huge giant THANK YOU to all of my followers #be it mutuals or non-mutuals or ones that only stalk without actually following!#(if there even exist the latter kind of people)

59 notes · View notes

kitsunesongs · 7 years

Text

Major Star Wars AU idea

Okay so I’ve had this giant AU idea (well, two AU ideas, one of which is giant and overly detailed) stuck in my head for awhile and need to tell other people about it or I might explode. You seem nice so I’m humbly offering it to you. (Help me tumblr user, you’re my only hope.) Both AU ideas involve a born-as-girl Anakin Skywalker. Anakin is still her name.

The first AU pretty much follows the canon but has several significant changes: 1) Fem!Anakin falls in love with Obi-Wan. He eventually returns her affections and they secretly get married sometime during the Clone Wars. 2) The 501st and 212th and Ahsoka suspect it and ship it. Padmé knows. She ships it too. 3) Padmé and her handmaidens are Anakin’s girl squad. They get together and chat about relationships and injustices in the galaxy. They also go on random adventures trying to right said injustices and get into lots of harrowing and troublesome situations that they somehow always manage to get out of. 4) Ahsoka eventually joins the girl squad. 5) Obi-Wan is in a constant mixture between worry and exasperation whenever they get together. He tries (with the help of Bail Organa) to keep them from causing too much damage, but also kind of lets them be because they actually accomplish a lot. 6) Whether or not Anakin falls to the dark side is up for debate. 7) I also have this really weird idea that Luke and Leia aren’t siblings in this AU. Luke is Anakin and Obi-Wan’s son, but Leia is Padmé and Bail’s daughter. Padmé and Bail get married at some point during the war too and become a force to be reckoned with in the Senate. (Maybe Breha is Bail’s relative or something, idk.) This idea is in part due to the fact that I am very attached to the father/daughter relationship between Bail and Leia and in part due to the fact that I love the concept of Senator Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan–and Naboo too, sort of.

The next AU involving female Anakin is much more AU and much more crazy. It is also really elaborate and long. Sorry. –Anakin is not found by the Jedi. During the events of TPM Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan manage to get to a planet that accepts republic currency and simply buy the needed ship part before continuing with their mission. (Disclaimer: I got inspiration for this from somebody else’s girl!Anakin post. I think that AU is called Unfathered Daughter. I only briefly looked at it so I don’t really know what it’s about. So that’s where the similarities and borrowed ideas end as far as I know.) - At some point Ani starts a revolution that results in the freedom of all the slaves of Tatooine and the formation of a new governing system. - The freed slaves put Anakin in charge of the planet. She starts reforming Tatooine and determines to spread freedom across the galaxy. That is her mission. - Shmi lives. She is the voice of reason and sort of advisor. She may end up married to Cleigg at some point because I firmly believe that Owen and Beru need to be apart of this story somehow. - Anakin develops a close relationship to Owen and Beru, they become like siblings to her and are an important source of support. - Kitster is around and is also like a sibling to Ani. He acts as her right hand man. - Once Tatooine is stable, Ani begins to try and start revolutions on other Outer Rim planets but finds that she doesn’t have the resources or man power to do so. Tatooine is still a dustball planet after all. - This is where the Jedi come in. The Order finds out about her efforts and they want to help end slavery and bring justice to these systems. However, because of their close ties to the Republic (and some more recent legislation courtesy of Palpatine) they are technically not allowed to get involved. But this is important to them, so after a lot of digging and research they manage to find a loophole that allows them to help. - The loophole? A marriage between a Jedi and Anakin, head of the resistance. (Don’t ask me why, I haven’t thought it through. That’s just the way it is.) - The chosen Jedi ends up being Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi. (Again, don’t ask me why. I don’t know.) - Side note: In my mind there is only a 5 year age difference between Obi and Ani in this AU. It just works better in my head for this story. Plus, it kind of provides extra opportunity for a baby-faced, clean shaven young Obi-Wan. - So, Anakin and Obi-Wan set aside personal feelings about this and get married for the sake of the resistance (which I’ve been calling the Freedom Alliance btw). Marriage of convenience trope all the way. Then, they start working together to help people in need and to bring freedom and justice to the galaxy. They travel from planet to planet starting revolutions and helping to set up democratic governments. - The revolutionaries and the Jedi Order work very closely together throughout this and learn a lot from each other. They develop very strong friendships and alliances with each other. - True to form, Anakin falls in love with Obi-Wan hard and fast. She then takes up the personal mission of wooing her husband. - Now, Obi-Wan is super perceptive and is great at reading people–except when it comes to other people admiring him. He is too humble/self-conscious to really believe that people might genuinely admire him. Thus, Ani’s efforts to woo him go right over his head. One one hand, Anakin finds that really frustrating. On the other hand, she finds his obliviousness endearing. It’s quite the dilemma. - Meanwhile, Obi-Wan does fall in love with her but he’s still a Jedi so he refrains from doing anything about it. And of course he has all of those feelings of guilt and inadequacy because Jedi are not supposed to love. - Thus they both end up pining for each other even though they are married and together a good majority of the time. - Obi-Wan teaches Anakin to dance. I headcanon that most Jedi learn various traditional dances to assist them in negotiations and political functions, and for some reason Obi-Wan decides to teach them to Ani. It’s not easy at first because dancing has negative connotations for her (she remembers how other slaves were forced to dance for their masters’ entertainment), but Obi-Wan helps her to understand the difference between those slave dances and what he terms “real, proper dances.” He shows her how such dances rely on equal partnership and mutual trust and she learns to trust him enough to let him lead her. - He teaches her to swim too, when they are on a planet with water. - Ani and Obi end up with a force bond. Obi takes it as a sign from the force and low key starts teaching her force control and lightsaber techniques. - Eventually the Jedi find out about the clones. The Freedom Alliance and the Jedi are horrified and immediately set about giving them their right to choose. And they are able to do so since there isn’t a big galactic war going on because they have been unknowingly messing up Palpatine’s plans for years. - (Sidious is constantly stewing in fury and has all of them on his hit list. Especially Ani and Obi. Assassination and kidnapping attempts are common. Lots of shenanigans with bounty hunters, assassins, and various Sith/dark force users ensue.) - (Shenanigans with pirates are also common–they live in the Outer Rim after all. Obi-Wan is just so done with it and Anakin is protective.) - Anyway the clones all become citizens of the Freedom Alliance and get to choose how to live their lives. A lot of them settle into civilian life, but a lot decide to join the army in order to support and help the cause that gave them their freedom. - Most end up under the command of Jedi, who they have a lot of admiration for due to their role in helping the clones. They form very strong relationships based on mutual trust and respect. - Ahsoka joins Ani and Obi’s little family around this time. (I haven’t figured out why yet. Maybe she ends up as Obi’s padawan.) - Then, a couple years into their marriage, Obi-Wan and Anakin go on a trip to Coruscant for some kind of political reason. - Anakin meets Padmé and they become bffs. Obi-Wan is long suffering. - Obi-Wan gets some revelations on this trip courtesy of Qui-Gon (who is still alive) and Yoda. - Apparently when he was an Initiate there had been more than one Jedi interested in taking him as a padawan but Yoda was determined for him to be Qui-Gon’s padawan so he’d guided them away from it. That whole Bandomeer incident could have been avoided. And Qui-Gon reveals that Obi-Wan had been ready for knighthood at least a year before Qui-Gon actually suggested him for the Trials. He hadn’t been ready to let Obi-Wan go. Both Yoda and Qui-Gon had since acknowledged their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions by apologizing to Obi-Wan. - Obi-Wan being Obi-Wan of course forgives them and they all go about healing the rifts created by those mistakes, but the world as he knows it has been shaken. All those years he had thought that he was inadequate and not good enough, and as a result he has these low self-esteem issues, but it turns out that it wasn’t really his fault? The whole thing causes him a lot of hurt and confusion that he has to work through. - Ani finds out a lot about Obi’s past during this and feels a lot of indignation and anger on his behalf. - But this all kind of works out because not long after Obi-Wan realizes his mentors can be fallible and that the Jedi Order is wrong about some things. Some things like attachment. - So soon enough he just goes,“Oh what the heck I’m already married to her anyway” and tells Anakin that he loves her. She is overjoyed and wholeheartedly returns the sentiment. - They both just kind of give up on being subtle (not that Anakin ever was) and are constantly being overtly affectionate with each other. This includes but is not limited to: hugs, kisses (including forehead, cheek, and nose kisses), wrapping arms around each other, and liberal usage of endearments and the terms “my wife” and “my husband.” - The Jedi observe this and it causes most of them to start rethinking views on attachment (among other things) because Obi-Wan is still firmly in the Light–and Anakin too, who has gotten noticeably stronger in the force (and who hasn’t been influenced by Sideous in this AU). Plus, just look at all the good that has come from their relationship. And so, the reforms that started taking root in the Jedi Order the second they partnered with the Freedom Alliance begin to really bring change. - One of the more stern and disapproving members of the Jedi Counsel takes it upon himself to confront Obi-Wan about his blatant defiance of the Code and Obi-Wan is so fed up that he’s like “Well what did you expect?! I’ve always been considered attachment prone–what made you think that marrying me to someone as incredible as Anakin wouldn’t result in attachment?! How?? Does that?? Make any?? Sense??” And nobody really has anything to say to that so they leave it alone and Obi-Wan gets to remain a member of the Jedi Order. - Once the no attachment rule is removed (a ways into the future), lots of Jedi finally have the chance to pursue relationships (e.g. Tahl and Qui-Gon, Aayla and Kit) - Yes, this is also a Tahl lives AU. This is essentially an everyone lives AU. - Except Sidious. He dies. The trip to Coruscant also results in his reveal somehow and he gets taken down. So do his followers. - In the midst of all of this someone finds out about Order 66 and our heroes manage to get all the chips removed by some miracle. Disaster and devastation is thereby averted. - Without the influence of Sidious the Senate is finally able to start putting to rights the mess that he had made of the Republic. Padmé and Bail are at the head of this process. - All in all, it was a very eventful trip to Coruscant. - Ani eventually manages to move the Freedom Alliance’s base of operations and her family from Tatooine to a different Outer Rim world that is full of green plants and streams and babbling brooks. She says it’s because it is a more convenient location but her family knows that it is really because she hates sand. (Some things never change.) - She also eventually steps down from her position as leader of the Freedom Alliance and another is elected in her place. Democracy is one of the foundations of the Freedom Alliance. She continues to go all over the galaxy helping people though. Or, more accurately, Obi-Wan receives Jedi mission assignments and she tags along. - They get involved in all kinds of other do-gooder activities and missions in between said assignments. - Obi-Wan and Anakin have several children and are continually adopting more as the years go by. - Of course Luke and Leia factor in somehow, but I haven’t yet decided whether or not that Not Siblings idea carries over to this AU. - Potential adoptees: Han Solo, Lando Calrissian, Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, Bodhi Rook, etc. - (Finn/Rey and Cassian/Jyn are ships that eventually happen. Please let it be so.) - In conclusion Obi-Wan and Anakin have the biggest, happiest family in the galaxy and they all travel the universe helping people.

Seriously, I don’t even know where this all came from. I don’t even ship the main ships. (I generally only ship canon ships (especially Obitine) plus Finnrey and Cassian/Jyn.) But please join in me in this disaster I’ve created anyway. Contribute, tear it apart, react–whatever you like. If someone were to write a (clean) fic about either idea it would probably make my week. Just please take it so I’m not by myself in this silly and chaotic but fun and entertaining mess that I’ve got here. ;) ~Anon

#star wars #i got a submission!#fem!anakin #fic ideas #obikin #submission

68 notes · View notes