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ante--meridiem · 6 months

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To socialise or not to socialise, that is the question.

#Looked at two places I could move out to & they are complete opposite vibes in terms of socialableness #Both have roommates ofc but one gives me a lot more of my own space & it seems like I would barely have to interact with them at all #So I'd be left pretty much completely alone. Which is usually the dream #And ngl knowing the other people there would keep to themselves & have no interest in knowing me is especially relieving #Given the whole thing that pushed me to move out in the first place #The other has extremely small & cozy vibes. Owner's stuff all over the place #By cozy I do mean cluttered #The girl I met with there (not the person I'd be renting from) gave me a tour for five-ten mins #And then the next 30 mins-60 mins we spent chatting over tea #Someone more sociable than me might call it instant bestie vibes #Which. Has been something I've kind of very much been missing/yearning for irl I will admit #& from the sound of it the person subletting has the same vibes with her #She says he's 'interesting' and 'I'd like him'#From the combination of her description and the clutter I'm getting eccentric professor vibes #Which is generally a good vibe to me #But I am even more skittish of renting from someone t #Too sociable #After prev landlord #Though I want to trust othet tenant's vibe check. Because it might actually be very nice to have some kind of real life friends #It's also a very different kind of sociable than prev landlord #She was 'chatty and gets you to open up easily' sociable & it sounds like the other guy will be approximately the same #& also 'repeatedly assures you can ask her to stop if she's being too much' sociable. Which is always a relief #Meanwhile prev landlord was 'wants to know why you're not relaxed & tells you you should be without doing anything to help you be' sociable #'gets very pushy about finding time to talk/hang out' sociable #'teases you for being awkward' sociable #None of which were the real issue with him of course. But they didn't help & I can't help but see them as red flags in retrospect #I'm currently leaning towards 'to socialise' because it was a very cosy vibe & I do feel starved of irl friendship just a bit #But it could either be very good or very bad #& I don't want to risk very bad again #Anyway. This has been missives from a pizza shop I ducked into to charge my phone before I go back to being lost in a snowstorm

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drygrasses · 4 months

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#stealing this post format bc I need something like a priv account to vent and ramble on but Twitter is fuuuuucked #and that was one thing Twitter did well #idk man I get so anxious when I think I might not have 100% perfectly nailed a social interaction #which includes everything from someone just not responding immediately to me actually saying something wrong #and saying something wrong is usually not actually saying something wrong it’s saying something only like 80% of the way right #but to my perfectionism that is 100% a failure #I sent a friend a post I’d sent him before I even knew I might’ve sent it before and joked about that #and it turns out I did send it before #fuck I fucked up!! wow how awful I thought of him twice (sarcasm)#like I know it’s fine but my heart doesn’t feel that it’s fine #and it doesn’t matter how close a friend is #if I say something that is arguably just not 1000% pleasant and amiable and lovely #like having An opinion (just one)#and they don’t respond right away? or don’t immediately agree if it’s a real life conversation?#then my insides start chewing themselves up #I used to have so many opinions actually when did I get this hesitant and this afraid #who am I trying to please?#(except everyone I like) (all of them all of the time)#not feeling awesome rn I don’t even know what caused it this time #I have suspicions but they’re all dumb #well ofc they’re dumb anxiety is a manifestation of pure illogicality #and my perfectionism will make a mountain out of any molehill #for the priv #also I need that dash so the emoji isn’t just like. comically big lmao wtf

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canisonicscrewyou · 3 months

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I need to get the hypothetical shitty friend who’s constantly talking shit about me behind my back OUT of my fucking HEAD. Who do you think you are saying that shit about me I don’t even like you.

#the hypothetical messy toxic ‘friend’ who’s keeping tabs on you is in my head constantly and I need to kill them dead #it is perhaps the worst and meanest way I self intellectualize and let me tell you!!! it triggers a lot of social anxiety !!!!!!!#no wonder I constantly worry over social interactions and talking to people when I harbor every terrible friend I’ve had over the years #who secretly hates me behind my back #when I actively have plenty of real friends who are veryvery good to me and love me very much #and also actually exist. in real life. and aren’t made up in my head by my mental illnesses

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yuribalisms · 9 months

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Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them #I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I #think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills.#and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo #don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is #I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin #I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one #I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to #those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely #that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism #sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim #so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and #miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work #any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to #STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying #to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill #just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t #ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their #careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I #have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that #doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live #in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and #struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything #better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of #this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do #to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it.#I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps #kaz rambles

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yay-depression · 1 year

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thinking unhappy thoughts at 1 am except these can’t even be categorized into the “no feelings past 4pm in winter are real” bc it wasn’t inherently a negative thought it was a positive thought which upon saying aloud sounded really fucking sad

#i was thinking about how nice it was to meet someone i met this past week #and how great it felt and how i felt like we clicked so instantly #and then i was like #‘huh wonder why most social interactions feel this good to me?’#and then i realized the difference was that this person actively introduced themselves to me and started conversation #as opposed to just about 90% of the social interactions i partake in which involve me sitting alone and being ignored #until i stand up and try and butt into some of my friends conversations in some way #anyways just thinking about how very few people seem to want to interact with me #nothing like real world experiences feeding into the deep-seeded belief i have that i’m inherently unloveable #and also that i’m inherently annoying but everyone is just too nice to tell me #i am not joking when i say i genuinely have trauma from being a neurodivergent person in the midwest #going from a life of ‘if people don’t like me they will tell me’ to ‘everyone seems to not like me but won’t say anything’#as a child was a traumatic experience and created intense feelings of inadequacy and trust issues #which i was already really vulnerable to bc i was emotionally abused as a kid #so combine having a dad who says everything you do is wrong no matter how hard you try #with friends who refuse to say what you’re doing wrong but will hold grudges against it and will be mad at you for it #but every time you ask them they say ‘no we’re not mad!’#plus literally like a decade of me trying to make friends in this fucking hellhole of a town and getting basically nothing but laughed at #and you can see why having a good social interaction for once is actually really fucking upsetting #because HOLY SHIT is that what life is SUPPOSED TO BE??#you’re telling me most interactions i have with people make me feel bad not bc i have social anxiety but because i’m giving it 110%#and i’m getting back maybe 10%???#anyways it’s wishing i didn’t live in this shithole place with these shitty people hours #and wishing the world was fucking nicer to me when i was a kid bc it was so rough for 13 year old me for no goddamn reason #every day is another day of realizing i literally didn’t have a time in my life when things weren’t falling apart #until i was literally 17 #kristen

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estravenlover · 11 months

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I was talking the other day with people about how English doesn’t have deferential verb forms and stuff like many other languages do but how in English we still have hierarchical ways of speaking to each other. Obviously race class and gender play huge rolls. Also this is not universal but I notice that at least for me and most women around me that we talk to men in an extremely deferential way that men seem to take absolutely no notice of. I think most men that I interact with have literally no idea women speak to them differently than we do to each other. Even when things are not dangerous, like the other day I was talking to a random man in the grocery store and he was insisting that the Barbie movie already came out, and I know that’s just like factually not true but after he told me I was wrong I immediately agreed with him and continued with the conversation. Like I wasn’t scared of him I had no actual belief he would have hurt me in public because I insisted that the Barbie movie was not actually out yet lol. It was just the first reaction I had to placate him and agree verbally even though I knew it wasn’t true. And obviously it didn’t really matter in that interaction but I do this in my professional life, I do it when talking to strangers, and I even do it when I’m with friends even though I try hard to stop doing it then. It’s my tone of voice, it’s the literal words I say, and it’s even the body language. And it’s not a new idea that women make themselves smaller around men, many other people have said it before and more elegantly but idk crazy to me that so many men in the world don’t know we do this? Like this was also sparked by me working on some internal stuff with men and some white women I work under where I was angry because they seemed to be so dismissive of all the work I put into offering them deference and respect in our interactions and my friend literally had to tell me that they didn’t actually know I was doing that. that’s just how they think I am all the time and how they expect me to talk to them. Which, obviously lol but it was kinda jarring to realize in the moment.

#TO BE CLEAR I don’t think this is an innate thing #this is entirely a learned behavior #I think part of the problem is men not knowing but when I have told men in my life this I have not gotten a lot of positive listening back #lol #so I think as feminists we need to do the work of actively trying not to do this and for male feminists they need to be ready to be able to #be prepared to listen to that and actually speak to the women in their life as equals and not use their social power to demand subservience #again this is my experience but I do think many other women share this #but so often the men in my life demand subservience in subtle ways and this is one of them #but like it doesn’t need to be like this #also I think race plays a huge role #like being brown changes how I interact with people all the time and I’m sure it matters in everyone else’s lives too lol #but I do think white women do this too for men but their experience might be different or whatever in ways I don’t know #idk all a work in progress #ugh English is so limiting and is so focused on catagorization it’s hard to talk about this without it sounding like I’m placing a hierarchy #of other peoples privileges #which I’m not trying to do #life is very complicated and these catagoriyan are not real they are social #but idk I’m just trying to put my experience into words #also to be clear fuck TERFs #I feel like when u talk about feminism on thsi website two weird things happen #TERFs try and claim any feminist discussion as being a terf point…. which like ew no stay away #thsi has nothing to do with gender essentialism and I reject terf logic wholeheartedly #but also some people seems to be reactionary and say discussion of women’s oppression is TERFy??? which is also weird and stupid #terfs don’t own feminism they are a contradictory reactionary group trying to pretend that #but regardless of what idiots on the internet think we need to be able to speak openly about issues that hinder liberation #and this is a small example that I was just thinking about #feminism #my post

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year

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it's not about that you "have" to get to exercise your autonomy. b/c like, yes you do, but not in the way that "if i don't get to do that Now i will explode & evaporate (& die)" which is what people keep leveraging to be like "so you don't have any valid argument for getting to act out your own choices"

therein is another issue of "why do you need a 'valid argument' to get Exceptions as ruled by this person to exist autonomously, unpunished" like why's this person an authority who gets to punish you. nonrhetorically, why do you have to appeal to their maybe possibly deciding to Let you be a person. should you "have" to.

and if you don't get that Permission that you supposedly "have" to get, you also will not immediately explode and die if you do that unpermitted thing, but shocking how "you don't Haaaave to" is only invoked re: things you want to do for yourself, and not what they want you to do for them....because it's Not Really About "Literally literally Haaaaving to"

the alignment between people getting on one for years about asexuality, and while doing so maxing out the saturation on their bullshit on any & everything, b/c you're just getting into anti autonomy, so ofc you're also just stoking & expressing "arguments" against autonomy that are deployed in plenty of other contexts, including against other queer identities....and that particular resonance with biphobia & transphobia, and how either groups are theoretically thwarting the Truest Gays because how will we have a valid argument against the truest cishets agenda if we can't convince them we haaaaaave to be like this instead of that no, we won't explode & die if we have to be repressed or at least closeted another day, and another, and you won't explode after another, either, etc. rather than thee point of "asexuality autonomy = queer autonomy = Your queer autonomy = Anyone's Autonomy" and "why do we 'have' to Convince anyone to go 'oh alriiiight' abt one's choices about how they express their identity, what decisions they make about having sex"....it's about anyone having the power to preclude & restrict others' autonomy & constrain their existence between one kind of more imminent, immediate harm/death & a more drawn out one where you exist as a resource for others' use but at least you aren't Literally dead today. so what if someone's saying "well i don't think your gender/sexuality stuff is Real" so long as they can't get in the way of other people living that out anyways. so what if someone's supposedly like "well, but everyone could be bi" (which they don't. just like ppl were never 'pretending' to be asexual to nefariously stand around in the queer space that never rigorously vetted everyone anyways? Making Up A Guy To Get Mad At) to supposedly argue that if all of you are bi you can just restrict yourself to the Cishet Appearing manifestations (which they don't) where what's that even matter if this [guy to get mad at] can't make that anyone else's problem? if he can, why can he. should he be able to. that's the problem, not "have we all tried the constant biphobia wherein they're always thwarting & sabotaging the rest of us?? like how trans people are keeping us from being legitimate?? with the opportunity for some trans people to also try declaring other noncis people Not Legitimately Trans?? well the cishet agenda loves asexuals, actually, they want everyone to never have sex ever (they don't want that, and that's not what being asexual is)"

using the "you can't Know through Direct Perception or extrasensory phenomena what someone else's Thoughts And Feelings are" both ways; wherein their assertion of their intentions, true or not, gets to be treated as an assertion of Reality, meanwhile b/c Your intentions/thoughts/feelings can't be directly observed, you're just lying or exaggerating or misremembering or failing to Express yourself correctly b/c they would've surely interpreted it correctly otherwise, or [anything else] re: your inner experiences that you can't "prove" are one way or another, so this other person gets to always decide for themself what they must be (why?) and if they just so happen to decide they Must be in alignment with what they want (good) or unacceptably, evilly, incorrectly Against Them, they also get to flex their control over the entire situation via their Authority / control over resources / the person's lack of other options b/c of isolation & that, say, breaking away from a family, job, marriage or just deemed correctly romantic relationship, is punished by the larger system of How Things Are, through a lack of resources that makes you more vulnerable in general as well as vulnerable to further punishment in how you might try to respond to that situation, through the general stance that maintaining cohesion of a Unit like the nuclear family, the "romantic" "man"/"woman" couple, is good, so breaking from it is deviant........anyways it's like. if you're like "well i'm having sex b/c i want to" and someone is like "well i say YOURE LYING" like, what? "isn't there someone you forgot to ask" shit. why should that get to affect things. whether you're like "oh no. what if they could say 'you're lying...b/c how do i knowwww you're not BI. where you could want to have sex with someone BESIDES this one person rn?? or ACE??? if you Don't have sex rn and you Don't explode and die 5 min later we will Know you Could Be Asexual" like, this isn't how it works anyways obviously but theoretically if it did: we would not be like "oh sorry guess that's what matters" unless what mattered was some people's being lower on a hierarchy and at the quite literal disposal of those with more power than them. what would the crisis be of someone going "well i think. every gay person? is bi" or someone going "you've just told me your name is gloria but i think your name is actually tetris...." or "i'm so embarrassed i wish everyone but me was dead" if none of these things can hinder the existence of people having sex w/autonomy for all involved or people getting to tell you their name or all other people being alive

the banger quote on my imdb page was saying "no, i don't 'Have' to, but i'm going to" to an authoritarian in my life, concluding several minutes' "negotiation" of [i 'have' to hang up on this call now b/c the movie i'm standing in this movie theater to see is about to start. no i won't explode and die if i don't. i also won't explode and die if i don't keep "talking" to you (being Talked At / lectured & upbraided from afar)] funny how that works. i also Know this was a checkmate b/c that person gave up on responding (or, technically, switched to The Silent Treatment, which worked even worse via phone than in person) and i did hang up rather than miss the movie i showed up for and then they had to resort to Other Methods: telling someone willing to take on the enabling cop mode that i had Essentially said Go Fuck Yourself. like well that's right, and the fact that it's a "go fuck yourself" to get to say "i am going to end the call b/c i choose to do something else" and then actually do so is a real testament to this relationship. and if one had said "i can't keep talking, i have to go" and someone's like "sldfj you mean thou MAY not keep talking" teehee i don't know, CAN you have the peas????? it's like this obviously doesn't matter. i can choose to do shit and choose to not do shit without exploding and dying right this very second, except for taking 5 sec to eat a deadly bomb with a timer set for 5 sec. This Is Not The Point. why is autonomy off-limits to Anyone.

#authoritarian parent whose silent treatments fail: anti crossdressing household law will get everyone to stop inconveniently Being People #spoilers: i continue to be a real life person; nonbinary; autistic; i continue to not engage in a relationship w/that parent b/c #Their choice was to have that relationship be the authority & the property. so the response to that: not being in that situation.#creating that kind of relationship & then being like ''why don't i get the Benefits of a different kind of relationship that is defined by #everyone being recognized as people and having actual positive experiences and legitimately Wanting to interact :(''#the autonomy to Not do something b/c you don't want to = the autonomy to Totally do something b/c you do want to #hence the idea of the True / Ideal Homosexual being ''but i Must Only have gay sex or i'll explode & die'' vs ''i feel like having gay sex'#yeah we ''could'' all be forced into binary genders & nuclear family units & be miserable & isolated but not literally explode.#but why should we. why would we. why can't we Not do that #hence as well that queer autonomy=everyone's autonomy. ppl who id as cishet? don't need to be Forced into that or into Awful Marriage Asap #but they do if we wanna isolate everyone / eliminate broader social support networks / restrict the autonomy to do anything else #asexuality handshake bisexuality. parallel to aromanticism handshake polyamory #and the backup to ''well but you won't literally die'' is to preclude Choice entirely by diverting the focus from [questioning ur choices]#to [questioning whether you have the capacity to make choices] as an extension. lens on ableism / disability justice is in Everything #not in like a ''huh. who'd've thought that overlapped'' Fun Fact way but in [you don't Understand that issue fully if you don't see ableism #someone's always getting to justify their authority by their Superior Ability vs others' Inferior/Absent Ability #saw that zany ''radical queer theory based on vibes is now that asexuals aren't queer'' streak definitely manifest ableism #a good ol fashioned ''asexuals won't consider What's Wrong With Them / try harder to seek some conversion therapy'' great stuff gang #or even more useless declarations of ''haha but most people Aren't ace. it's not Normal to not want to have sex. checkmate?''#and what is your conclusion to that logic? ended up in ''ace ppl. are cringe!! & maybe not real!!!'' aaand what do we do with that?#what praytell do you suggest change based on that. how has that exclusionist analysis served queer lives. how is it continuing to do so.#versus like and who cares if everyone Could possibly all be labeled bi if what is In Practice anyways is ppl getting to have sex or Not how #they want to anyways. recognizing that Any trans person's existence is a testament to Everyone's autonomy #any ''threat'' to children is always guaranteed abt the Threat to [parents' control to decide Who & What a child gets to be]#that is; ''protecting'' children is abt the child being the property of parents. gotta protect That by withholding all info about trans ppl #even existing from kids b/c Property can't decide their identities for themselves so Children can't be allowed to either #their even knowing that some people Do get to exist autonomously is; indeed; that ''threat'' to the [child is property] order #and Language as Possibility. it's the 2010s & you can only go ''that's me i'm nonbinary'' when you learn abt the word ''nonbinary''#even though you can then know you always knew but you didn't have the word so you had to keep on using other; more inaccurate words....#discovering the tree trunk of [word: Autistic] that roots all these branches of ppl talking abt Experiences & now Realizing Things....

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stinkrascal · 2 years

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hi jaiden i've missed u!! how are u?? saw a reply with you saying you've moved?? i wanna know what ive missed since ive been gone!! sending hugs <33

hey hello sorry for the late reply, i was so out of it yesterday i basically spent the whole day playing video games x_x but im doing okay!! and yessssss i moved about 2 and a half hours from my hometown into a bigger city, my boyfriend and i got an apartment here for his work almost exactly a month ago :D it's been really fun exploring the city when we have the chance to anyways, and i LOVE having our own space to do whatever we please, that alone has been such an amazing feeling. it's forced us to cook a lot too, we've been trying new recipes and most of them have turned out sooooo good!! the only downside is it gets a little lonely, since i only have one friend here, my boyfriend ;( and i'm honestly too scared to venture out and find new friends by myself lol. but, hopefully that feeling goes away once we're settled, and we'll meet new friends!!! besides that, it's really just been the same old stuff you know, i am perpetually big chillin <3 i hope you're doing really well!! whenever i get a lil minispam from you, followed by a sweet ask, it always makes me smile :-) i appreciate you a lot!! take care of yourself ok? sending lots of hugs back at u <3

#jade answers #pixelpaw #i really want to make new friends in real life but im so incredibly shy it actually amazes me how shy ive become #my boyfriend tried to take me to a party a few days ago bc he knows ive been really struggling #and i had a whole panic attack when we showed up lol it was awful #he was so incredibly sweet and supportive and he took me home without a single complaint. he was only concerned abt my wellbeing #im grateful that my one friend is my kind bf but it still gets lonely only having ONE friend u know :(#the majority of my social interaction comes from online. which isnt good because im also #too shy to interact with people online LMAO what im trying to say is im a hermit #it's so hard trying to make n maintain friendships when your attachment style is fearful avoidant but someone's gotta do it <3

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knaveofmogadore · 2 months

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Kfkdks

#messages from knave #im making breakfast and im gonna list my observations from three years of weird living situations #younger siblings of big age gaps will see most interactions as a form of soft combat until trained out of it #but when actual clmbat happens they're used to not having any sway so they don't actually know how to act in arguments #siblings with codependent relationships have their own internal langauge that they apply to others. not sure if they realize they do it #but they'll hold you to the same rules they've mentally created for each other without explaining them #siblings of ALL stripes will approach situations with a set idea of how communication works. and even if it's not a logical way to communica #they'll expect you to also communicate in that way. and if you can't or refuse they'll shut down and communication stalls completely because #they can't fathom doing it any other way except the way they and their siblings socialized each other to do it #siblings with adversarial relationships don't take outside advice and will take attempts to give advice as manipulative. not their fault #oldest siblings are the most conflict averse people on the planet. oldest sinlings say #'is anyone gonna balloon this situation out of proportion by avoiding it for as long as possible' and not wait for an answer #siblings who were regularly appointed as hall monitors will see any interaction with you as transactional #a hallmark of a dysfunctional sibljng relationship is someone who thinks telling you NO is worse than going through a situation they do not #wanna be in. and then they'll complain about it endlessly #and then they'll be like 'i don't want favours from my parents because they'll hold it over me' and never make the connection on their own #people cannot anticipate your needs with their minds. they are sometimes going to ask you to be a part of things you don't wanna #you're NEVER gonna be able to live in a world where people will stop asking you to be a part of things that's not feasible #had one say once 'people should just know not to ask me along for plans I can't get to people should know not to invite me'#and you know dude that's just now how stuff works. there's a difference between 'x cant drive so they can't help me move my dresser' and #'i know xs work schedule so i shouldnt infomr them of group plansnon the off chance they could make it so they don't feel left out'#people with hyper competitive siblings can't fathom that other people won't know how to do stuff. i don't just mean athletes but siblings #with that scarcity mindsetnin general like they can't handle people not having the same knowledge base they have. it's a survival thing #and NO having a life of suffering doesn't make you correct all the time has literally anyone else watched heathers #youngest siblings always have the most deranged dating stories and the oldest in a set of age gap siblings always has the WORST taste in men #< that's directed at my sister and no one else that's a personal diss not a real observation #only children have one thing. theyre SUPER weird about splitting the grocery bill #food is NOT communal to only children I've learned firsthand. Also they'll be perfectly fine sharing anything else BUT food usually #weed. loans. bathroom supplies. dishes. ect. but NOT food #meanwhile sibljngs are a little TOO comfortable chowing down on stuff they didn't buy. bad roommates are bad roommates

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stochastiz · 6 months

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i really wish you could banish a stress headache by acknowledging that it's just being caused by anxiety. there are so many other ways my body is also telling be that i'm nervous, i really don't need a headache on top :|

#i'm forcing myself to go to a social thing specifically advertised towards 'introverted creatives' tonight and i'm absolutely terrified #but i know it'll be a good thing? like i'll probably be happy i did it after? but i'm gunna be so incredibly scared the entire time #i need actual people in my life and unfortunately there's no way to make that happen without interacting with real people #stochastic ramblings

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quarterprioritymidnight · 8 months

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lol it’s hard for me to believe any of the negative stories ppl have abt Dan or Bastille, like I just see them as angels and perfectly nice all the time

yeah I mean same kind of. I can't really imagine them doing anything actively mean or trying to be rude to fans or anything lol, but also they are people so there are gonna be times when they're tired or busy or just don't want to be bothered and, even though that's obviously like fine and allowed, i can see how that might rub people the wrong way.

idk i think part of it is that they, and particularly dan, have such a reputation for being super nice and also the way dan comes across as very down-to-earth and kind of accessible (?) for an artist of his size can lead people to feel veryyy entitled to his time and a certain level of friendliness ig, so if the interaction doesn't go the way they want it to then some people will take that out on him even though he's literally just a person lol

also they aren't angels and perfectly nice all the time they are literally just people pls don't think that about anyone ahaha lol

#ask #anon #i have so many thoughts about like fan/celeb interactions and like #that interaction is always going to mean sooo much more to the fan and so the expectation and pressure on it is way higher for them #and i think especially if you have an image of how someone is going to be in your mind #youre gonna be so much more sensitive to anything they do or say that doesn't align with how you think they are #and that can lead to some people being like oh theyre a horrible person actually #i will say everyone whos told me theyve met them has just said theyre super lovely #and the one girl who said it was a mistake was just cause she was like 13 and i think was more cringing at herself #but yeah thats one of the reasons i dont want to meet the band like i know it sounds dramatic #but i kind of think the idea i have of dan or the other members i have in my head like they arent real people yknow #and i already get stressed in social interactions i really dont need to be in any with that much added pressure lol #sorry for the essay this is just a topic i find very interesting lol #and kind of a tangent but i do see some fans behaviour where im like hmmmmm youre a little entitled and weird #in the end there will be people whove had negative experiences with them cause thats life #its not necessarily a reflection on them or their personality but also i think someone is entitled to that feeling #if that was their experience #if that makes sense

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meltedhorror · 11 months

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Fun fact, I'm not normally scared of clowns but meeting one always puts the fear of god in me

#the amount of times I've just stared at clowns from across the room and hoping to whoevers listening that they do not interact with me #the amount of times meaning like... the handful of times I've actually met clowns lmao #not counting every time I look in the mirror ofc #I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT JUST #the way too happy attitude and so very forward and zero social rules #I think I've come to the conclusion the reason some specific types of people scare me is because of this personality #and clowns just happen to be that but on steroids 9/10 times #I don't think clowns are scary #but I do not like actually interacting with them lmfao #SO much respect for all the clowns out there tho #just please don't talk to me while in clown-mode #magicians are okay tho bc they at least don't act like they've just found the only other last person on earth the moment they see you #we out here judging entertainers #both of which I've considered becoming at points ironically enough lmfaO #this also means I'd 100% hate meeting Casper in real life

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5sospenguinqueen · 21 days

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Lullabies | Max Verstappen x Singer! Reader

Summary: Six months ago, Max walked out of your life after a conversation about your future. When you find out he' ended up in a's dating Kelly - who has a child - you work through your emotions in the best way you know how; revenge music.

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Miscommunication. End of a relationship. Max doesn’t look great in this.

Female reader with various faceclaims. Takes place in 2021 but timelines have been completely altered. Olivia Rodrigo songs.

Main Masterlist

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Feb

YourUserName just posted

liked by georgerussell63, bestfriend and others

YourUserName 'and i fantasise about a time you're a little fucking sorry'

12,326 comments

User 1 mother is in the studio, ya’ll. i'm smelling a new album

User 2 did their breakup destroy my soul? yes. do i believe the revenge album will heal my soul? absolutely

User 3 the working titles are so unhinged and I’m here for it

→ User 4 hit you with a car is so real

→ User 5 love that she called him evil whilst also saying that she wants him to drive off a cliff. we respect it

francisca.cgomes i’m SO ready for this. sure you can’t give me a little preview?

→ YourUserName stop trying to get me fired

User 6 sis disappears from social media for 6 months only to come back serving cunt

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2 months before

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May

redbullracing just posted

liked by YourUserName, maxverstappen1 and others

redbullracing ANOTHER VICTORY FOR MAX VERSTAPPEN 🏆 #AustrianGP tagged: maxverstappen1, kellypiquet

7,445 comments

User 7 omg omg omg y/n liked. this is not a drill

User 8 was that last photo really necessary? she’s just a wag, she’s not actually part of red bull

User 9 not y/n liking 🥺 he broke her heart but she’s still supportive of his career

User 10 that should’ve been Y/N

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June

YourUserName just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, victoriaverstappen and others

YourUserName 'you’re just a stranger i know everything about'

10,102 comments

User 11 not max liking despite not even following

victoriaverstappen so talented

liked by maxverstappen1

→ YourUserName thank you, vic x

→ User 12 not the former SILs interacting on main

alex_albon what's that sound? oh, it's just my tears

→ YourUserName doofus

→ lilymhe can confirm

User 12 and now my heart is breaking all over again. i miss the two of them so bad

kellypiquet just posted

liked by landonorris, redbullracing and others

kellypiquet summer break with my favourites 🤍 tagged: maxverstappen1

4,387 comments

User 13 so pretty

User 14 goals

User 15 anyone notice max hasn’t been commenting since y/n became active again on socials

→ User 16 delusional

→ User 17 clearly they're fine if she's posting vacay pics with him

→ User 18 except these are clearly old pics because max had stubble at the gp like two days ago so...

→ User 15 @ user16 plus he always used to comment and this time he's not even liked the post

→ User 19 not to add fuel to the fire but they were also spotted arguing after his podium

YourUserName posted a new story

Hi, guys. This part of the Baby Fever Angst series, which will include smaus for other drivers.

Daniel’s Version | Lando’s Version | Lance’s Version

Charles’ Version

I have part 2 planned if people want it but also happy to leave it like this if people don't want them to have redemption haha

Tag List (I tried to include all those who asked. Sorry if you only wanted to be tagged in Part 2 to Daniel and not the other drivers, it got a bit confusing haha)

@lav3nder-haze @minkyungseokie @callsignwidow @luvrrish @fall-bambi @evans-dejong @sadsierra2 @justdreamersdream @spookystitchery

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lakesbian · 3 months

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posts where someone smugly talks about "online vs offline discourse" are ridiculous and nonsensical even if i agree with the op's opinion on the actual argument because without fail what it translates to is: offline, the op only knows and interact with people who agree with them about the topic, because this is how they have curated their social sphere. online, where people are exposed to posts by hundreds or thousands of different people on a regular basis, they see more posts from people they disagree with simply based on a much larger sample size with less curation. because they do not personally/irl know anyone with the same beliefs that they see espoused online, they act as if the individuals with those beliefs aren't also real people who exist in real life. It's dumb as hell.

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vanessagillings · 2 months

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I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic. Some people who know me in real life still don’t. And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM. I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe? I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag. Even so, how could autism describe me? I was a good student. I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class. I can make eye contact…if I must. And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right? Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it. I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them: sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak. It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once.

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance. It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day. But it shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities.

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs. No two people on the spectrum present in the same way. And that’s a good thing! No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic. I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway. I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day. More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing. My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

#autism acceptance day #actually autistic

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artjiayi · 24 days

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Jade's worst nightmare 🌊

That's definitely the most detailed illustration I've ever drawn and it also took me a while to finish it. I procrastinated because I was going out of my comfort zone and I was so scared to mess it up... but I overcame it because the lore behind this drawing meant a lot to me.

About this illustration, I wanted to focus on Jade's sensitivity through the world surrounding him, especially on land. I wanted to break the twisted picture we all have of him and show his vulnerability. I also wanted to express a duality between his sea life and life on land. His eel form is a reminder of where he originally comes from.

To me, Jade looks like an unbreakable wall: he basically smiles all the time and he always seems to hide his true emotions. Although Jade tends to do some questionable things (let’s be real), I do believe that behind that wall, there’s an unusual but very touching sensitivity.

What I adore about Jade is the fact that he doesn't fear people's opinion about his hobbies and nothing can stop him from doing them, no matter what. He has a deep connection to everything related to nature so to me, he enjoys quiet places and being alone. Therefore I strongly believe he's an introvert and needs those moments disconnected from any social interactions.

Even though Jade appreciates solitude, he also needs to connect with people from time to time. There was a sentence he said during Vargas Camp that literally broke my heart:

"I'm envious that everyone else has someone to converse with. And here I am, all alone."

To me, that proves he's actually looking for deep connections with people so that he can be himself without being judged at all. Even Floyd and Azul find his interests weird and they're pretty harsh about his club. I know the octatrio has their own dynamics but still, Jade deserves to have a buddy who shares the same hobbies as him.

Anyway, I could write so much more about Jade but that's basically how I see him. My interpretation is probably a bit biased because of the love I already have for him but whatever. Thanks to it, I was able to imagine what could be his worst fear as he always seems so untouchable at first sight. I love shady Jade but sensitive Jade is what I need right now.

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