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darkellaine · 3 years

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On Loki series

I don't usually write here anything as this is mostly my art blog but I do want to say a few words. If you like the series, you may skip this post bc I appreciate it when people enjoy things as they are and I do not want to inpose my take on the series on anyone.

To the matter.

Now, after the 5th episode has come out, I find myself saddened and baffled at the same moment. Maybe I was victimized by my own great expectations from the show or my headganons grew in my head like a tumours - so big and engrossing that there was no space left to be filled with what seems to be a fresh perspective.

I don't see Loki anymore. He was still there in the first episode yet the more we ventured into the new territory the harder was it to me to understand why he acts like this (sabotages everything he does, has no agenda and is a follower - of Mobius at first and then of Sylvie). Initially I thought his reckless behavior was either a plan of his or just the recercussions of the exposure to his destiny he saw at TVA. Now, after seeing 4th and 5th episodes I see that the show doesn't actually need any explanation to turn Loki into a type person who he himself criticized throughout all the MCU movies. And that is a character who rushes headfast into the fight, who doesn't think, doesn't plot, has a careless attitude. Like Thor. And now Sylvie is smth similar to what Loki was to Thor, except Loki doesn't really have any of the strenghts of the traditional lead hero.

He was shown casually using telekinesis like it was nothing but it didn't move the plot. On the contrary, it created more questions and possibly plotholes for audience that ectually expects some kind of consistency from the narrative. In really needed situations he doesn't do anything similar and I don't see what Tom was so excited about. This showcase was just like his shirtless scene, a superficial fanservice. (Not that we aren't allowed, we certainly do. Yet if you a fan of a character, you can't really escape taking a deeper look into everything.)

His Jotun heritage and abilities. I can't believe ep. 5 missed any opportunity to show a Jotun Loki. It was such a great opportunity to set up a dialogue between them, to point to Loki's inner hate and insecurities he might have. Yet what we got just a bunch of bizzare lokis from some crack fanfiction. I see they were aiming for the humour and lighter tone but maybe they shouldn't have? Not after the first episode and the setting they established. I wonder could it be the result of different scriptwriters thet were forced to attune but still didn't manage to do so.

Loki's bisexuality looks more like a distraction than actual representation. Yes, I know that bi people could be both with men and women, etc. but so far it was again like Joe Russo's gay character in the Endgame. Irrelevant bait everyone took that didn't actually affect the show or plot . Wasn't it for the hype, Ig most of writers would exclude this from the plotline at all as it is just extra.

Self-love plotline. I suppose that Sylvie and Loki love story was supposed to address self-acceptance and self-forgiveness? Well it doesn't work like this. Those two are absolutely different characters. They share only part of the outfit, some abilities and a few memories of Asgard - that's it. I don't feel like they are different versions of the same person. This dynamic would've worked with old!Loki by Richard Grant as he indeed has some things to teach our Loki and to strip him of his defences in order to reveal what in fact prevents Loki from outgrowing himself.

My general impression is that Loki is becoming to be tiring to watch. Idk how did they make it but I now find him quite bland and uninteresting at this point. I don't know who is behind the TVA but without the possiblity that it was old Loki pulling the strings all along I don't really see the further development for him. Looks like everything we got in relation to his identity and past was indeed just the first episode. All of a sudden Loki looks at peace and unperturbed, ready to abandon all his strivings and inferiorities he has been developing through his entire life. While the authors kept underlining the fact that it is 2012!Loki and he is still a villain.

But it was just a few days for Loki, and he says so himself...

The series still good a few good things, though.

Personally, I really enjoyed the second episode as it showcased Loki's intelligence, had nice, witty dialogues, Loki and Mobius chemistry and tempo.

Music is excellent throughout all the show. I daresay music is even more spirited sometimes. I look forward to the sixth episode to finally see what it was all about...

#loki series #loki spoilers #loki series negativity #mcu #dianey+#disappointed but not surprised

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satelliteinasupernova · 4 years

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...there are so many more characters in riverda- okay, fine, let’s go. Limiting this to regular or frequent characters. All possible incest ships or adult/teen ships are excluded, they are all an F.

UNDER THE CUT:

Betty/Veronica: A+ and the only ship that I would abandon Bughead for if it was made canon

Jughead/Archie: C, a perfectly acceptable ship

Veronica/Jughead: E, I get the appeal, but the gay core four ships ARE RIGHT THERE

Betty/Archie: F, just no

Veronica/Cheryl: A, absolutely here for it

Jughead/Cheryl: E, apparently this was popular back in season one?

Archie/Cheryl: E, I mean, now that Cheryl has been specified as a lesbian by word of god (as it were), I’m not really here for any Cheryl/dude ships. Their interactions were kind of cute in season 1 tho.

Cheryl/Josie: D, could have been cute, but Josie deserves better.

Josie/Betty: D Josie would have zero interest lmao.

Josie/Veronica: B, I mean. yeah.

Josie/Jughead: E LOL.

Toni/Betty: A YES, JUST LET ME LAY HERE FOREVER

Toni/Veronica: A EQUALLY GOOD

Toni/Jughead: C is it canon or non-canon if they kissed but it didn’t go anywhere. Anyway, in a world where I didn’t have other options, I could be into it. They are better as friends imo

Toni/Archie: D, I could be persuaded, maybe.

Toni/Josie: A, hell yes.

Kevin/Archie: B, love to see it

Kevin/Jughead: D, uhhhh. give me some Jughead and Kevin friendship first and maybe I’d rate this higher.

Kevin/Reggie: C, sure?

Betty/Reggie: D, I know this is a comics thing, but naw

Archie/Reggie: A, absolutely.

Jughead/Reggie: D, I don’t see it.

Cheryl/Reggie: E, we’ve been over Cheryl and dude ships. I’m excluding her from future possible matches with dudes. We’re mostly done with season one dudes anyway.

Moose/Archie: C, I feel like they both have options that would interest them more.

Moose/Betty: D, no

Moose/Veronica: E, I don’t see her dating Kevin’s crush/ex

Moose/Jughead: C, I didn’t think I would!! but somehow he’s one of Jughead’s more viable gay options to me.

Moose/Reggie: A, they are forever, man.

Munroe/Archie: A, absolutely, 100%

Munroe/Reggie: A, yeah, let’s go

Munroe/Kevin: B look, WHY NOT. Have they spoken to each other? probably not?

Munroe/Betty: D, do they know each other.

Munroe/Veronica: C, sure

Munroe/Jughead: D, no wait C, just because I’d want to know what they’d bond over.

Munroe/Moose: C, yeah. sure

Ethel .when will this end?

Ethel/Betty: C, the real friends to enemies to lovers ship

Ethel/Veronica: B, they had their moments in season one

Ethel/Archie: C, you know, I was about to say no, but then I started to think about it, and they would be pretty cute.

Ethel/Jughead: D, shrug. no hate for it, but not interested either.

Ethel/Cheryl: D, this feels very oil and water to me, just cannot mix

Ethel/Toni: C, why not, I could see it.

Ethel/Josie: D, um?

Ethel/Reggie: D I don’t know

Ethel/Moose: C sure?

Ethel/Munroe: C why not

Ethel/Dilton: B this wasn’t canon right? I don’t remember. oh god does this mean I have to do Dilton too?

Dilton/Archie: C idk, I’ve seen their friendship be cute in fic before.

Dilton/Betty: D, she has other nerds she could date AND NO I’m NOT putting TREVOR ON THIS LIST I HATE THAT I KEEP THINKING OF NEW PEOPLE

Dilton/Veronica: D, I imagine they don’t particularly like each other.

Dilton/Jughead: C, a solid ship

Dilton/Cheryl: D, despite being a cute comics staple, as said previously, no Cheryl/dude ships for riverdale

Dilton/ALL OTHER LISTED CHARACTERS: D, let’s move on.

Sweet Pea/Archie: B, LOL only because it would be fun

Sweet Pea/Veronica: B, I’ve read good fic for it

Sweet Pea/Betty: D, I am unconvinced

Sweet Pea/Jughead: C, I don’t hate it, but what would they even do, scowl at each other all the time?

Sweet Pea/Toni: C, though their dynamic confuses me

Sweet Pea/Ethel: B It’d be cute, I must admit.

Sweet Pea/Fangs: B, love em.

Sweet Pea/Kevin: C, that’d be a twist.

Sweet Pea/Reggie: D, too many fics have written them as relatives, I can’t

Sweet Pea/Munroe: D, Munroe has too much sense

Fangs/Archie: C, I mean it’s fine, but an odd choice.

Fangs/Betty: D, not interested, but I’d love to see them as friends.

Fangs/Veronica: C, I’m not NOT into it

Fangs/Jughead: B, yeah, it’s cute. I love Fangs.

Fangs/Toni: D, they give me the vibe of two bisexuals who bond about who they are attracted to, but aren’t into each other.

Fangs/Reggie: D, I could maybe be convinced, but I can’t imagine it as is

Fangs/Munroe: B, okay, wouldn’t they be sweet together though.

Fangs/Josie: E, Fangs would never hurt Sweet Pea that way.

Fangs/Moose: E I’m not saying high school gays aren’t messy, and it’s a small town, but no, I don’t think so.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten some combination, but MOVING ON.

to the Adults. why am i doing this

SHIT. NO WAIT. I forgot some important people.

Donna/Betty: A ..sometimes a w|w enemies to lovers ship just grabs you, you know?

Donna/Veronica: B .... it would also be pretty hot

Donna/Archie: D, it’d be like that scene of Betty threateningly watching Archie from her window, but it’d be all the time.

Donna/Jughead: D. please.

Donna/Cheryl: A, galaxy brain.

Donna/Toni: E, Toni needs someone who will treat her right, and I will accept no less.

Donna/Bret: D, they are like the evil, white version of Toni and Fangs(see above)

Donna/ Everyone else: D, oh wait no. one more

Donna/Ethel: C. Please, just take a moment to imagine this with me. Getting some real Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn vibes here honestly.

Bret/Archie: C why don’t I hate this.

Bret/Betty: F No. and while we’re at it, any variation of Bret being attracted to Betty counts here too. Has he ever hated and been disgusted by a person more.

Bret/Veronica: E No.

Bret/Jughead: E No. but as we all know, Bret is 100% into Jughead.

Bret/Toni: E No. why am I even doing Bret/women ships

Bret/Reggie: E This is fascinating, but no. Reggie deserves much better.

Bret/Moose: F. Absolutely not.

Bret/Sweet Pea: E No.

Bret/Fangs: E No.

Bret/Munroe: F Stay away from him

okay is that.. is that over?

do I still have to do the adults...

BONUS SUPER QUICK ROUND. ADULTS.

Fred/FP: A, a quality ship

Fred/Hiram: D, it would be a fascinating world where this existed.

Fred/Alice: D wait, does THIS count as canon?

Alice/Hermione: C eh

Alice/Hiram: D uuuuh

Alice/Mary: C, the Donna/Betty ship, as it were.

Hermione/FP: C, they had interesting chemistry!

Hermione/Mary: C, why the hell not

Hiram/Mary: C okay, hear me out. Can you imagine the courtroom drama romance.

Hiram/FP: C, okay I really can imagine a world where this existed.

Gladys/Alice: A ... look, I’m only human.

Gladys/Hermione: A ORGANIZED CRIME WIVES

Gladys/Mary: C even I will admit this one is a stretch.

Gladys/Dudes: D. Boring.

Hal/EVERYONE: F

ALRIGHT I’M DONE, I WILL NOT LET MYSELF THINK OF ANY MORE SHIPS. Yes I just realized I didn’t do Sierra, Penelope, or Tom BUT I’M SORRY THIS MUST END.

Thank you for reading.

#if anyone reads all of this thank you #this ones for you #portrait of a blogger slowly unwraveling #ask meme

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surejo · 4 years

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( victoria pedretti, cis woman ) hey ! have you seen JOSEPHINE “JO” CORMAC around ? SHE works at the HOT COCOA STAND at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 24 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO YEARS. they tend to be +OPTIMISTIC & +EMPATHETIC, but can also be -IMPRACTICAL & -PASSIVE. the other employees have labeled them THE IDEALIST. thanks a lot ! ( the few nights the stars can be seen, books worn down by dog-ears and marks left throughout the years, the first crisp breeze of autumn, the duality… of t.s. eliot )

OK. a few notes before i get started:

1) i hope everyone loves how i literally j copied my ivan stuff. url format? ‘sure jan’ lives on. theme? too lazy to find a different one that’s easy to work with. luv that for me. 2) speaking of this theme i forget if i addressed this on ivan’s blog but tabbed bullets don’t appear tabbed.... so if anything seems like it doesn’t make total sense.... it is supposed to be tabbed™. 3) get ready for drama!!!!! you may ask yourself “but the app looks so tame! there will be no drama!” but you are wrong........ because she loves cats. the t.s. eliot book......... the musical........ even the movie.

ok jo,, is also a resurrected character,,, hence how i already kno,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that she loves cats. anyway ! let’s begin ! (listen,,,, the intro format will at least be a little different from ivan’s ok im evolving)

QUICK FACTS:

full name: josephine “jo” rose cormac

date of birth: march 6, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: pisces sun, gemini moon, cancer rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: bachelor in english - literature that she is doing nothing with

enneagram: 2w1

mbti: infp

various inspirations: eleanor crain ( the haunting of hill house ), dolores price *as a child and towards the end of the book ( she’s come undone ), fox 8 ( fox 8: a story ), “why try to change me now?” - fiona apple (cover), “be still” - the killers

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: verbal/mental/emotional abuse/gaslighting, very slight implication of spousal abuse, brief mention of car accident/death & drowning

( ivan and jo’s breakout pop-punk single: “fuck happy backstories!” stream it on spotify ! )

jo......... was born into the wrong family, let’s get that out of the way.

it was pretty clear she was a ploy to save the marriage of her parents ( who have names: lucy and benjamin, luv that for them ). it didn’t seem like they’d ever picked up a parenting book, gone to a parenting class, rly prepped for being a parent at all...... in their entire lives.

that being said, her mom was actually decent at parenting. her major flaw, though? ok, so you know how kids usually have that one bedtime story that they love and want it to be read to them over and over? well lucy complied ! but y’all wanna know what that book was ?

t.s. eliot’s “old possum’s book of practical cats” whfeiuldjkn

anyway ! when jo was seven, after many failed attempts and simple threats, her mom was finally divorcing benjamin for realz. due to his volatile nature, it was becoming very clear that she was the more fit parent and she almost got sole custody ( the only reason benjamin was motivated for it in the first place was the power so?? )! how exciting!

but the keyword is ‘almost’!

alexa, play ‘my heart will go on’ but the off-tune flute version

just as the proceedings were going through, jo’s mother was hit by a drunk driver on new year’s eve. the car skidded onto some ice, minimal damage done... then the ice broke.

jo and benjamin both devolved after that. jo withdrew more into herself and pretty much coped by..... just reading old possum’s a LOT (hate that for her). all mopey, benjamin became much less outwardly violent. the keyword is ‘outwardly.’

ya, instead of j bein like “i will just chill” he was like “i will just make my rage more subtle because in this house, we love intimidation, manipulation, hostility, the blame game, and gaslighting! uwu” managed to convince jo that her mother’s death was somehow her fault, that he was the only person she could trust, that she will never be able to live without someone else, etc., etc.

a few years in and a cycle of many impromptu sleepovers began. luv that for her. hate that for her, but luv that for her.

there is a lot i cld talk abt here, but it all seems like it cld j be tl;dr’d as: “basically became the surrogate daughter of a bunch of other people”

as for things that r not tragique™, jo was v much a drifter when it came to friends. managed to make a fair amount bc she does not seem like she will put a tadpole in ur hand like ivan. also j a people-pleaser but that’s starting to get into her personality which is another section.

did go to college. luv that for her. has NO CLUE what she’s going to do with her degree, but she can make some really sick niche william faulkner jokes.

began seasonally working at big bear during the winter break of her last year in college because bitch needed some money!! wound up loving it and was like “i think,,,, i will continue to do this,,,, the people here,,,, r cul,,,,”

still visits benjamin every once in a while. not a way to say that uwu you should forgive ur abusive parent(s) uwu rather that jo.... still has slight belief in him. just to end on something emo.

THE REST IS HISTORY!!!!

TL;DR:

started life out as a saddie, not a baddie. still not a baddie, but no longer as much of a saddie. loves “cats” and there is no irony to that statement. can make good niche literary jokes, but that’s about it.

PERSONALITY/MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

a child. a literal child. a child to the point that she should have supervision when she goes on grocery trips because she falls for marketing ploys so easily. can’t believe she hasn’t fallen into a pyramid scheme yet.

an absolute dumbass. again, can make some great niche william faulkner jokes, but ask her the order of the planets? “...well mars is somewhere in there.”

unironically LOVES cats - both the musical and movie. thinks jennifer hudson’s grizabella is the best. will start sharing random facts about it or old possum’s book of practical cats if she runs out of things to talk about but feels pressured to keep talking. was broken when she first read a different t.s. eliot poem and realized he was actually super dark. the only thing that got her through it was a comparison to batman :\ bruce wayne is old possum’s, batman is everything else.

to take a brief break from fun personality facts, v down on herself bc benjamin’s words rly!! stuck with her!! convinced she is an absolute idiot and does not trust her own memory. v indecisive bc of this and always longs for someone to help her figure things out. tries to distance herself from memories of her mother because, again, benjamin got to her. her love of cats doesn’t help that, but... can you believe that’s her coping mechanism? makes up for it by giving all of her love 2 everyone else!! we love tragedy!! and needing to go to therapy!!

secretly knows her love of cats is weird and dumb. a part of her knows why it’s considered one of the worst musicals ever. but LISTEN. we luv rly weird coping mechanisms!

big dreamer. will develop the most impractical goals. she usually knows they are impractical, but still..... uwu

has decided everyone is good until proven bad! except for,,,, like,,, murderers and rapists,,,,

is #StraightEdge for the most part,,,, literally has a drink maybe three times per year

says “like” a whole lot for someone who majored in english with a concentration in literature and should therefore be more eloquent.

i am not great at these sections!! feel free 2 j refer to her zodiac, personality tests, and character influences!!

literally fox 8. i put the others there bc she’s similar but wow,,,, if u read fox 8 (it’s a short story i recommend it i luv george saunders u can find a pdf online),,,, she is fox 8.

here u go here is a sample that doesnt need context: "Fox 4 woslike: No ofense, Fox 8? Your ideas are not super praktikal. Dreem, dreem, dreem, said Fox 11. Fox 41 woslike: Fox 8, does this honestly never get old for you?"

OH ALSO. she has a slet. a cat,,,,, named asparagus,,,, whom she calls “gus”,,,,, and y’all know WHY.

recent development: has downloaded tor so she can get on the dark web. why? because she thinks there will be more funny animal videos on there. is shockingly good at navigating it.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

close friends bc we luv that –– roman (nuanced), aylie (nuanced), hazel (nuanced), cleo (nuanced), vic (nuanced), marco (nuanced)

childhood friends whom she possibly had impromptu sleepovers with bc that is v soft and,,,,, y’all i left the city blank for a reason. –– hazel, marco,

on that note, the person who was like “wait,,,,,,, u know that book was turned into a musical right,,,,,, like,,,,, a musical literally everyone knows” and shook jo’s world

good influence / bad influence –– cleo, vic,

~*confidant*~

roommate

exes –– ian,

reciprocated pining

unreciprocated pining

someone..... who has accepted..... that she likes cats.... in a way that is not ironic. will see the movie with her. –– aylie,

an enemy,,,,,, aka this person was like “cats is literally the worst thing in the entire world” and now they r on jo’s very short hit list –– riley

idk!!! im also obvs up for brainstorming!!! luv that!!!

** descriptive connections page is here ( only people who i’m messaging are on it, but i ?? would love to plot w everyone ?? so don’t make the short list make u think i’m trying 2 limit it 2 these ppl auhfoeidla )

LIKE THIS OR HMU TO PLOT !

#bigbearintro #y'all my intro style evolved!#there's a tl;dr beneath the bg info bc i!! rambled!!#i feel like i went back and forth b/t proper grammar/punctuation and.... not.... caring.#also i am. dumb 2night. it j took me a hot while to figure out how to spell punctuation and it still doesnt look right the english language #is so weird????#we post this before we have many followers we die like men.

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sparklebitch · 5 years

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Dan and Phil’s Impact

Okay this is going to be long and rambling because I’m trying to type it on my phone in the car and my thoughts are all over the freaking place and I don’t blame you if you don’t want to read the whole thing I’ll put a tldr at the end lmao.

So first of all I’ve been watching Dan and Phil since like? 2014~ And for a while there wasn’t a minute that went by where I didn’t think about them. Their videos got me through so much shit in my life. Even dumb video game videos were like my reprieve from real life. And yeah a lot of stuff was super cringy and I was definitely borderline one of those creepy people that wanted to know everything about their lives (obvs not anymore lol) but that aside they were such good freaking influences on me? I looked up to them so much and, sure, I have a lot of role-model-worthy people in my life, but no one like them.

Everyone around me is so aggressively religious (although a lot of them are totally cool about it and not bad peoples !! But the rest of them are total dicks) and I felt like I couldn’t... question myself I guess? About literally anything. I felt like I couldn’t question religion, sexuality, the things I liked, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. It was like everyone’s lives revolved around church stuff and people were basically born knowing what they were going to do? And there I was, an awkward, sexually confused, homeschooler who had 2 friends that she wasn’t even that close to. I felt like I was the only one in the world like this. Everyone seemed to have a place in the world, except me. I often thought that maybe it was a mistake that I was in this world, that there was some cosmic screw up and that I was never meant to be born. I felt incomplete and it was so confusing and horrible. I was sure that that feeling was never going to go away. I had no one to talk to, no one to explain to me that it was okay to screw up. It wasn’t the end of the world to question things or yourself, everything was going to be okay. All I wanted in my life was for someone to tell me that.

Then I found Dan and Phil. And yeah, they’re two British boys on the internet that will never know who I am. But that’s okay. They don’t need to know me to have an impact on my life. I mean, who’s ever been impacted by a song? A movie, a book, an actor, an artist? The human race is always searching for someone or something to look up to. Religion, famous people, a father figure, a friend. Someone. And that’s what they were to me.

People didn’t understand what it was that I liked about them. And, if I’m being 100% honest, I guess I didn’t really know either. Sure, they’re funny, and the chemistry between the two is very compelling but there was just something about them that spoke to me. I loved them. More than I had loved anything in my life. I looked up to them, and listened to the things they said, listened to the things they believed it. Through them I discovered so many of the things that I love in my life. I started writing and drawing because of them! It’s crazy to think that I am the person that I am today because of them. I can’t imagine what I would be like if I hadn’t watched their videos.

There’s a lot of uncertainty in my life right now as I’m finishing up getting my General Associates and I’m in the process of starting a daycare with my older sister. It’s a lot for me to process because for the longest time all I wanted to do was get away from here. I wanted to go somewhere and be someone new. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized that’s not what I actually wanted. I love my family and my friends, I love living here (aside from the bigots but they’re everywhere so there’s no escaping them). What I really, truly wanted was to be myself. It wasn’t my family and this town that I wanted to get away from, it was the me that I was pretending to be. I just wanted to be myself, that was all. I didn’t care if it was in a big town with new people, i just wanted people to know me. I wish I knew this back then, then maybe I wouldn’t have gone into a tailspin when I was getting ready for college but hindsight I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

When I finished high school it was like I was paralyzed. I didn’t know how to make decisions for myself or do anything on my own. All I knew was that I was not straight, seemingly surrounded by homophobes, and I was very very tired. So, toward the end of summer my mom pushed me enrolled me at a community college near home (which I am grateful for lol) and then I was going to transfer to a university after 2 years. Things started to feel better after that. Around that time I also started taking medication for depression and anxiety and it has only completely changed my life. No longer am I the super quiet painfully awkward person who’s so afraid to say something wrong that she instead stays silent, not telling anyone about my interests or passions in fear that I would be ridiculed, hiding core parts of me while the whole world passes by. I was talking and making jokes, I wasn’t constantly terrified to talk to people or to even simply leave my house to go places. Things were better. I was happier!

But as the time for me to transfer to a university drew near that paralyzing feeling crept back into my skin. I hated my classes. I hated college. I was suddenly plunged back into the world of endlessly scrolling through social media and watching the same shows on tv over and over, isolating myself from everyone and everything trying to ignore the world around me. I felt like everything was hopeless again. I was only occasionally watching dan and Phil videos at this time, having very reluctantly grown away from them (it was a sad day when I realized that I didn’t care if I skipped a video or two. I literally cried that day). But I was bored then, so I started watching their videos again. This was around the time that dan posted his video on depression (that’s a while other long ass post I could make but probably won’t because I’m already tired of typing) and i damn near called my mom (even though she was just downstairs) on the spot to tell her what I was feeling. Hearing that there was someone else out there that felt like I was was enough. But not only that, he explained that recovery is not a straight road. There are twists and turns, there are setbacks. It’s not like I was going to get better and everything was going to magically be awesome all the time. Some stuff was going to suck. I was going to go through shitty times and that was okay.

Because of him, I ended up going back to the doctor and explaining that my meds weren’t working anymore, and I got it taken care of. I feel so much fucking better now than I did before, and I know that it’s okay if I don’t always feel this way. I told my parents that I didn’t want to go to a university and they were okay with it, provided that I finished my 2 year degree at the community college. And while some things still suck, and I’m still worried about my future and whether or not I’m going to meet someone and fall in love, things are absolutely positively 1000% better than they have ever been. And a lot of it is thanks to them. Obviously it was me who actually took the steps I needed to to get here, but it was because of their being my role model that I had the courage to get where I am today.

Dan and Phil have such a unique platform and following. They could say jump and so many people would (metaphorically ofc) jump off the cliff, me included. But they don’t do that. They use their fame to positively impact people. They use their platform to encourage people and talk about important things in life. They share things about their lives in the hopes that it will help even 1 person out there... and I’m not the only one who they’ve positively impacted. The number of people that owe everything to them is crazy.

Okay so now I’m going to go a little bit into labels. (Not too much tho I’m seriously tired of typing lol). Dan talked about them a lot in his video. An entire freaking chapter of it was dedicated to labels. When I was younger I knew that I liked girls. I liked boys too though, so I just shrugged it off as Really wanting to be friends with girls. I didn’t know what the word gay meant until I was like 12 because I was a very sheltered child. My parents never talked about it and the only time I ever remember hearing the word before then was when one of my siblings called another sibling “gay” at the dinner table. The only thing I knew about the word was that my parents Did Not Like it. While I eventually stumbled onto the internet and learned a Lot of things, and a lot about labels, I became overwhelmed. There were so many words with so many meanings, and lot of times people didn’t agree on what the literal definition was. (Like bisexual meaning Only men+women vs. just like.. more than just 2+ genders) So for a long time I identified as pansexual because.. I didn’t know what to do. And based on my experiences on the internet, being bi was basically saying that you were excluding people. Idk it was fucked. The label ‘pan’ didn’t really feel like it fit me either, but it worked for the time being.

Dan’s comments on labels really got me thinking. I don’t think I’m a lesbian, but I don’t really know about bisexual either. When he said that he loved to use the word queer it just.. fucking hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks. I literally couldn’t breath. And it’s not like I’ve never heard people use the word queer. Tons of people identify as queer. But it was just something about the way he explained it? And maybe it was just the fact that it was him explaining it because, as I said before, I look up to him. He has a huge impact on my life. Saying queer gives me comfort. It feels less... restrictive I guess, for a lack of better words. I don’t know if this will be /the/ label for me, but that’s not the point. There doesn’t have to be a label for me. I, no one, should have to be pressured into finding a label so that other people have something to call you?? Fuck labels. Fuck people who pressure you into picking one. You be you.

So, in conclusion (honestly I feel like this has all been so incoherent I apologize) I don’t want to hide forever. I don’t. I hope that some day I can have even a fraction of the courage that Dan has to tell the people that I care about who I truly am. And the first step is telling someone.

So, to everyone who sees it here, most of which probably know or don’t care,

I’m bisexual, bitch. And I use the word queer.

It took so much fucking courage for dan to post that video and I have crazy amounts of respect for that man. I’ve said it a thousand times already, but I’m going to say it again. I’m so. Fucking. Proud of him. And I know he’s probably going to get thousands of stories like this one (if he hasn’t gotten that many already) but I’m going to tag him anyway. @danielhowell , you’ve changed my life. You’ve changed millions of people’s of lives for the better. Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done.

Tldr; dnp mean everything to me, even though I’ve grown away from them, they have been and always be a big part of who I am and i am so fucking proud of Dan.

#daniel howell #dan #dan howell #dnp #danisnotonfire #lgbt #queer #bi #bisexual #personal

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jensensitive · 5 years

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based on your last ask about jensen's fashion mentioning gay!jensen... now i'm curious, do you think jensen could be gay/mostly gay/maybe he thought he was gay instead of bi at some point? (no judgement btw and i get all the sexuality speculation can be a lot so it's cool if you don't want to answer, or maybe just say what you're comfortable with

Mostly I think he’s bi, but I also think anything’s possible. Honestly, I used to think he was probably just gay before we ever really saw him with d much, but he’s happily married now, so it seems unlikely, plus the idea of his being totally gay is mostly completely depressing to me, even if d knew and was okay with it, so no thanks. More likely than that I feel like it’s possible that he might think of himself as gay or has in the past and that d is a significant exception for him. For me it mostly just comes down to the fact that he doesn’t have the same heated chemistry with women that he does with men, yknow. And just his vibe with women in general. I’m not gonna lie and say he doesn’t ping as just gay to me, cause he does a lot of the time in the way he interacts with women, but I also think j/d is an entirely genuine relationship. And as accurate as my gaydar in general is, my bi-fi is far less so. I can tell when a dude’s into dudes, it’s much harder for me to tell when he’s also into women.

But I do think it’s possible that, with the way that people think about men who are attracted to other men, and assume they’re all gay, and believe that bisexual dudes aren’t really a real thing, that it’s entirely possible that even if he is bi that he thought/feared that maybe he was actually gay just because he gets boners for dudes sometimes. He also might think though that he can’t be into guys because he’s into women, just total repression. I think both of those thoughts would be two sides of the same coin, one being what he tells himself and one what he fears.

Yknow what I always think is an interesting possibility too is the idea that he might have lived his early adulthood in a serious relationship with a guy and because of that self-identified as gay. And then after they broke up, he kinda spiralled and started overcompensating more and sleeping with women and repressing his queerness. This is basically just fanfic lol, but there’s something about the difference between late 90s jensen and mid/late 2000s jensen that just always gets me idk, and jensen/ty always gets me too.

What do you think, anon?

(i know i have at least one other post that delves into this question too, but i couldn’t find any, this has some relevant stuff in it though i guess)

#gross sexuality speculation tag #Anonymous

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sophygurl · 5 years

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Dirty Dancing

I had a hankering to watch one of my old favorites today - one I’ve seen hundreds of times and that’s not an exaggeration. I probably watched it one hundred times alone the first summer it was on HBO and I recorded it - I’m guessing 1988 since it came out in 87?

Anyway - the short version of this post is simply that I’m pretty sure Dirty Dancing is a big part of my bisexuality and polyamorousness like. I’m sorry but Baby falls for Penny as much as Johnny and you can’t convince me otherwise and they would make an excellent throuple. And my little hetnormative-trained 13 year old brain didn’t KNOW that was a big draw of the movie for me but it was because the scenes between the three of them were my favorites - especially the dance training montage scenes where they’re all dancing together oh my HEART. But also just like you see so clearly how Baby is crushing on them both so much in those beginning stages and SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SPOKE TO MY LIL TEENAGE HEART OKAY?

So but the longer version is that I still love every single bit of this damned movie (2 minor exceptions - when Baby says “I’m not proud of myself” in her emotional monologue to her dad? I’d take that out. And also I wish the mom had just a smidge more agency but I also get that the lack of agency for the women was a big part of the story- hence these only being slight exceptions).

But okay yes. The movie? Is hella fun with a kicking soundtrack and amazing dancing and acting and Grey and Swayze have chemistry coming out of their whazoodles and I’d throw Rhodes in there too and all of that is fun and sexy and romantic and nostalgic (now for TWO decades since it kinda melds 60′s and 80′s stuff together in some ways).

You know what else though? It’s also just an amazing movie with incredible peeks into the sexism and classism of the era, and especially the intersection of the two. It explores both upper and lower class women’s roles and how both lower class men and women were treated. Swayze’s Johnny Castle is treated like a sexual object and expected to have sex with the upper class women who are being neglected by their husbands (interesting to note that the entertainment staff was forbidden to socialize with the daughters but expected to sex up the older ladies and the more educated upper class staff were expected to romance but not have sex with the daughters of the guests).

Then there’s Penny and the whole pregnancy/abortion storyline and how Robbie treats both her and Baby’s sister Lisa - spoiler alert he treats them both horribly but in different ways. The mom has almost no agency. Baby thinks she has it, but you can clearly see the difference between when she’s with her family or with fellow upper class Neil and when she’s with Johnny and Penny and Billy - she blossoms into this whole new wonderful person with new insights and opinions about the world because she’s finally seeing outside of the bubble of her family and class.

The movie does entirely ignore race issues, which is unfortunate. But I’m also guessing that is partly due to the setting - the vacationers would all have been upper class white folk and it seems most of the staff would have been as well. The band leader is a black man, but I think that’s it? IDK if that would have been indicative of the times or not, but it seems like the movie could have figured race into things if it had wanted to. The only other way it’s mentioned is when Neil says when the summer ends, he’s going to join the freedom riders. He seems to say this in order to impress Baby, who has shown she is concerned about social justice issues. And it comes off as a sort of privileged ally-cookie-quest. If Neil’s character did care about civil rights, it was not reflected in the way he treated the lower class staff at his uncle’s resort.

Despite this lack, however, the movie does a pretty decent job looking at this intersection of gender and class. The way Baby was raised to believe she could change the world, and that this meant she should care about everyone regardless of things like race and class - but then quickly learned that her family (particularly her father) meant she should do these things in a more dignified and distanced way. They sort of humor her ideas of joining the peace corp and studying the economics of undeveloped countries - but the idea of befriending the entertainment staff at the resort is *gasp* Scandal!!

But because Baby believed in those ideals she was raised with, and hadn’t yet learned the reality of what her parents expected of her - she plows right in and befriends these people whose dancing skill she so admires. She falls in love with dance, and with the people themselves (*ahem* Johnny AND Penny here) and with their easy way of being with one another.

She rushes in to help wherever and whenever she can, but is still ashamed of her association and hides it from her family. This new world she’s discovered is a sort of guilty secret, and especially so once her relationship with Johnny becomes sexual in nature (AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH AGENCY SHE HAD IN THAT FIRST SEX SCENE LIKE SHE IS JUST GOING ON ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO HER, STARTS TO DANCE WITH HIM, GRABS HIS ASS, AND IS JUST LIKE - YEA BABY LET’S GO!).

So okay, she’s having teh sex and doing teh dance and making teh friends - but it’s still a secret because her family would find it shameful. Does this stop her when she finds out that Johnny is about to be blamed and fired for the theft? SHIT NO it does not! She jumps in to tell the whole world (well okay her family and the Kellerman’s and some other folks in the dining room at the time) that she slept with him that night so he couldn’t have stolen the wallet so THERE!

And of course he gets fired anyway (I guess for defiling a rich girl? Blech.) but like. When he comes to find her and is all “nobody has ever stood up for me like that! ever!” - I die a little inside because this poor guy has been so beaten down that he doesn’t think he’s good for anything when what WE know about him is that he 1) totally stands by and protects his female bff (possible triad member???? shhh sophy we’re doing a thing here) no matter what and 2) he loves Baby so much because he sees all this good in her and he doesn’t think he deserves her but he is so proud of her and UGH 3) he stops taking the rich guy’s money to sex up his wife because Baby had finally convinced him he was better than that and 4) he works super hard all the time just to make ends meet but would Still have given Penny all his money to help her out and 5) GDI NEIL HE DOESN’T WANNA DO THE PACACHANGA!

All of this culminates when he comes back in and is all “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” - which is such an epic and cool line but is also super cheesy and a bit nonsensical??? But what he means, really, is that in that moment he sees this woman that he loves sitting quietly in the corner with her parents who are suppressing this passionate and compassionate side of her (well mostly her dad her poor mom doesn’t wtf is going on) and he knows - okay - Johnny Castle KNOWS that Fances Baby Houseman is a fucking STAR okay and he is going to show the whole world (well all of the Kellerman guests and staff anyway) what she can do! PHEW.

So like. Yea, the movie is fun as shit for a lot of reasons. But it’s also so real and vital and important for more reasons than just this one gal’s bisexual/poly pre-awakening (it took another 5-10 years to fully get it - this was the 80′s/90′s in Wisconsin alright we didn’t have the internet back then to explain our sexualities to us!)

I don’t have a nice concluding thesis for this rambly meta except to say that I hope you enjoyed it and also I once again scared the crap out of my cats by singing and dancing a lot - they think singing means I’m sad and lonely so they come to comfort me because they call out and howl when they’re sad and lonely. They are so lovely to come and comfort me but the dancing and singing combo really freaks them out like what are you Doing lady - lady we’re scared - what’s happening? Are you ill??? Should we ... how do .. do cats call 911???

#dirty dancing #dirty dancing meta #frances houseman #johnny castle #penny johnson #bisexuality #polyamory #poly ships #intersectionality #i just love this movie a whole lot for a whole lot of reasons #why do i not have this on dvd #wtf #my birthday is in 5 months #just fyi #no real reason

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