#WHAT??? I CREATED THIS BLOG 10 YEARS AGO?? HOW
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Had no idea cherylecheryl was bootsaucepunk but makes perfect sense as both are pathetic, nasty, malicious bullies. Thanks for the interesting info.
Hi, Anon. Sorry it took me a few days to put this together. This post is gonna be a long one. So, grab a beverage and get comfy.
For those who don't know, Tumblr blog Bootsaucepunk has been around for years and has cemented a reputation as a Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe hater. As far as her being the Instagram troll cherylecheryl, well, we know Bootsaucepunk's name is Cheryl. How do we know this? Because she OUTED HERSELF and her FULL NAME, Cheryl N. on her OWN, now deleted Twitter account. Everyone who was around back then knows Cheryl's last name, but I won't post it in its entirety since not everyone may know it. Cheryl doxed HERSELF, and I'll show you how down below, but I won't repost her last name for obvious reasons. After Bootsaucepunk revealed her own identity, of course, people easily found her info, including that she's from New Brunswick, Canada. But this is because SHE HERSELF posted her full name and a pic of herself on her Twitter account. Here's the backstory of how she DOXED HERSELF a few years ago...
Bootsaucepunk gloated that she would repeatedly harass Sam on social media, he would block her, and then she'd create new accounts. She also badmouthed Caitriona Balfe, her husband, Tony McGill, and bragged that Cait blocked her too. On the left side of the screencap below, you can see her as Bootsaucepunk talking about Sam reporting her to Twitter, Twitter suspending her accounts, and then she would create new ones. She even joked that she's playing "whack a mole" with Sam. Harassing Sam and Cait is a GAME to her. On the right side of the screencap, she posts a LONG diatribe talking crap about Cait, after Cait blocked her. 👇
Bootsaucepunk continued to boast that Cait blocked her and showed the proof of this. 👇 I've also attached the PROOF that Bootsaucepunk is Cheryl N., provided by HER. 👇 You can see that Bootsaucepunk is asked by another hater, Cant-Resist-Temptation, what Bootsaucepunk Tweeted that caused Cait to block her on Twitter. And Bootsaucepunk replied by posting what she said to Cait WORD FOR WORD. Basically, Cait blocked her for talking shit about her husband, Tony McGill. The thing is those EXACT words were posted on her real life Twitter account, CherylN_____89 (now defunct). 🤦♀️ Either she didn't think people would make the connection, or she was so arrogant she thought no one would call her out. (Click on the screencap to read it better). Oh, and notice in the second paragraph, Bootsaucepunk takes the opportunity to continue to talk negatively about Cait.
Let me show it again so that everyone is VERY CLEAR that Bootsaucepunk posted on Tumblr the Tweet that got her blocked by Caitriona Balfe (she's responding to another hater, its-mootpoint). 👇
And it is VERBATIM what Cheryl N. posted on her then Twitter account! 👇
AND Cheryl/Bootsaucepunk was either dumb enough, or arrogant enough, or both to post it on her Twitter account with her FULL NAME and REAL PICTURE. 🤦♀️
After that, everyone in the fandom knew EXACTLY WHO Bootsaucepunk was on Tumblr. Bootsaucepunk tried to say that the pic she used on her Cheryl_____89 Twitter account wasn't really her. But, after she posted her full name, the fandom had no problem finding her on social media. 👇 Obviously, the avi pic on her old Twitter account is from YEARS ago, so she looks younger, but the pic matches her Facebook account. There is NO denying it's the same Cheryl N. And I have other pics of Cheryl N. from N.B., Canada proving this. But Tumblr only lets you post 10 pics or collages total. I'm not posting her full face, she did that all on her own, but trust me, it matches the pic SHE POSTED as her avi on her CherylN_____89 account. Same face, same person, no room for doubt. Bootsaucepunk IS 100% Cheryl N. from New Brunswick, Canada.
Again, this is NOT ME doxing her, SHE handed her identity to the fandom on a silver platter...and MANY other people in the fandom then called her out publicly as Cheryl N., and as a Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe hater. Here is just a small sample. 👇
Cheryl deleted her CherylN_____89 account on Twitter, but we know the approximate date when she posted the Tweet that got her blocked by Cait...because another person responded to her on February 12, 2020, calling her out for the Tweet. And also chastising for touting herself as a journalist. 👇
Guess WHO else was stirring the pot, harassing Sam, right around the SAME TIME on Instagram? 👇 Instagram troll, cherylecheryl commenting on an Instagram post, stating that besides trolling Sam on Instagram, she would also troll Sam on Twitter. That particular cherylecheryl comment was dated March 20, 2020. And CherylN_____89 was called out on Twitter by the account Fans of Sam Heughan on the SAME DAY--March 20, 2020!
Instagram troll cherylecheryl has DIRECTLY harassed and bullied Cait, Tony, Sam, and EVERY woman Sam has ever dated. This is well documented for YEARS. But here's just a small sampling of cherylecheryl harassing Sam's ex, Anna Modler and most recently, the Brazilian fan who got a pic with Sam in London, and inadvertently posted a video of Sam and rumored current date, Sarah Holden. 👇
And those are the MILD comments, she's said some horrible stuff to Sam's ex, Mackenzie Mauzy, Gia Marie, as well as many others.
Something else that's of note. An ex-shipper who got sick of Cheryl's bullying, DMed me and showed me cherylecheryl's Instagram account and something very interesting on it. Here's the content of cheryelcheryl's Instagram account. 👇 It's all faux shippery Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe pics. Fake, fake, fake, fronting as a shipper, yet we KNOW all the crap she's said to Sam and Cait, and about them. The cognitive dissonance is staggering. And she also follows all the hater accounts that mock Sam's dates and Cait's husband, Tony. Her oldest post is dated January 10, 2022, in it, she attacks another fan, she attacks actress Hannah James directly, and boasts the fan blocked her. BUT, if one checks her account info, it shows the account was started in March of 2018! It's not logical that she created an account in 2018 and didn't post anything until 2022. No posts at all for 4 years? NOPE, she obviously posted from 2018 to 2022, and then DELETED posts that would identify her as Cheryl N. This is also why the account shows she's changed her username 2 times. Lemme guess? Was it originally CherylN_____89? 🤔😊 👇
For those saying cherylecheryl isn't Bootsaucepunk, um, I just PROVED to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Bootsaucepunk IS Cheryl N. And Cheryl N. has an extensively documented history of saying horrible things about Caitriona Balfe, her husband, Tony McGill, Sam Heughan, and EVERY woman he's ever dated. Cherylecheryl on Instagram has an extensively documented history of saying horrible things about Caitriona Balfe, her husband, Tony McGill, Sam Heughan, and EVERY woman he's ever dated. And I showed you in a screencap above that cherylecheryl on Instagram talked about going go harass Sam Heughan on her Twitter account. Just like Cheryl N. aka Bootsaucepunk. Gee, what are the odds that there's another Cheryl who's a horrible troll and isn't Cheryl N. aka Bootsaucepunk? C'mon, now.
Regardless, there is NO doubt WHO Bootsaucepunk is = Cheryl N. And not only is she a Sam hater, but she's also a Cait hater. Let that be known to newbies who aren't aware of the history. I'm shown accounts who claim to be Cait fans but they associate with Sam hater accounts who interact with Bootsaucepunk, comment on her posts, let her comment on their posts, and mutually reblog. In your disdain for Sam, you're inadvertently commiserating with a Caitriona Balfe and Tony McGill hater.
So if the hill you want to die on is proving that Bootsaucepunk on Tumblr isn't cherylecheryl on Instagram, that's on you. BUT, do not forget that Bootsaucepunk IS a PROVEN Cait hater. There are MANY other examples of her hate toward Cait, but the ones I showed you up above should be enough to distance yourself from her. Make NO mistake, Bootsaucepunk hates Sam Heughan AND Caitriona Balfe, and has gloated about her disdain for them BOTH for YEARS. There's no justifying or excusing Bootsaucepunk/Cheryl N.'s behavior and anyone who associates with her is guilty of condoning such behavior.
I rest my case, your honor. Case closed, Edith.
#Bootsaucepunk#cherylecheryl#samheughan#sam heughan#caitriona balfe#tony mcgill#troll#trolls#haters#cant resist temptation#its-mootpoint#doxed herself#new brunswick#canada#cheryln#cheryl n#sam hater#cait hater#i rest my case your honor#case closed Edith#cheryln_____89
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It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳
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I shifted and entered the void state and I now live my dream life beyond what I could imagine (:
(I’m your bubble anon but I made this burner to post this bc I don’t want to start a blog on my main account, and I know how success stories go)
Hi Maya. Ur page has been super helpful, and after being in the shifting community for 5 years I shifted to my waiting room using your reprogram method and your lucid dreaming guide. It was a castle with a couple of butlers and domesticated animals of all sorts. I experimented and visited around 15 drs within a week (wr time) and I am so blessed.
I shifted to:
My waiting room
Bnha
A royalty dr where I am a princess
80’s dr
Stranger things
My dr based of my favourite wattadd story
An aot x this reality x avatar reality I created
Mcu universe where I am ironman’s daughter
I shifted as a cat (very fun)
A dr where I am a wealthy Range Rover new money mother
Old money nepo modeling dr
+ some personal ones
I have wanted this for so long so I have to thank you for always answering my dos, and making incredible posts. I am also a permeant shifter/respawner but I was so motivated by your philosophy of living every reality to the fullest, including this one so that’s what I did.
I came back a week ago and shifted back to a reality where I am a master shifter, and a master of the void state.
I entered the void and manifested this as well:
Everyone who reads this enters the void state easily
Having loving parent with a billion dollar net worth(they were poor, abusive, and homophobic)
A beautiful loving gf with supportive parents
Loving lesbian relationship and any homophobia we receive returns into a curse :) fuck you bigots
This Incel named Evan Stevens doesn’t exist. And I checked and he doesn’t but I guess This realities version is Andrew Tate. I will manifest he gets lung cancer or something. Fuck him
Natural head turning beauty, and being a solid 10/10 in every aspect
Having my dream personality, voice, hair, and intelligence
Revising my zodiac from cancer to a saggitarius
Having a popular youtube channel that Will blow up soon and be my career
And so so so much more. Lesson of the story is don’t give up. You can have everything and more so what’s the point of not trying. When it gets hard it can not get worse only better so remember this is the last time you will ever feel this shitty.
I love everything about this. This has to be one of my favorite success stories so thank you for the motivating content. You deserve it all and your success can be attributed to only yourself :)!
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Can I ask an honest question. Do you actually like being transgender? Or just being female.. and being transgender is the path there?
Like I transitioned like 10 - 15 years ago and feel like.. a woman. I don’t feel transgender anymore. Almost no one knows I transitioned.
I hated transitioning. But now I’m where I want to be. It’s weird for me bc transitioning felt like.. driving to Disneyland. Like I had to drive for 10 hours but now I’m here at Disneyland. I don’t have to think of the drive anymore. It feels different to think of people who love that drive? Like for me it was a grueling drive but now I’ve been at Disneyland for a long time. I’m thinking about Splash Mountain, not the potholes on the freeway on my way over. I feel more connection with the people here than the people who are currently driving. But now it seems that some people always consider themselves on the road. I don’t know how that feels.
If you do like being transgender I really envy and admire that. I just want to know what it’s like.
You have a lovely blog, thank you.
thats such a good question. i really do love being transgender. the process of Creating myself is so much fun and i just feel so lucky that i get to do it. like i think if i was born a girl i would be transmasc, yknow? its just such a beautiful and scenic drive, i guess. like the process of loving myself more and more every month of hrt and voice training and learning everything else about being a girl, its all so wonderful and i wouldnt trade it for anything. its like unlocking something terrific.
#asks#thank you for asking:) ily#i definitely understand not being thrilled with the drive though. the disneyland thing makes a lot of sense
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kimi's comfort fics (2023)
note: these fics are pretty "old" since most of the writers are no longer active or the fics have been posted years ago.. BUT !!! some are recent with active writers so i would 100% recommend u check out their other works nd send them love !!! that being said, i did not link the stories but i did link the writers 🫡 this way u can check out their other works nd blog in general 💅🏼✨
nevertheless, they are all masterpieces that have heavily inspire my work nd personal life because i am delulu 24/7 <3 this list consists of my core comfort fics like... y’all don’t even fcking know how much i love them
‼️ for the most part, all of these fics imply mature content !!! minors dni ‼️
smau recs
@firebettercallnct
color of your shirt (kth)
cuffed (knj)
stay and cook (jjk)
stole your shirt (jjk)
went through your phone (jjk)
these fics were the ones that made me absolutely fall in love with smaus. smt abt the style nd way the plot seamlessly depict a beautiful and lighthearted aura... ugh, it jus gets me every mfking time </3
@kimnjss
be my baby (myg)
cyberslut (myg)
kinda hot (kth)
cherry pickers (jjk)
plot twist (knj)
i think kez is a mastermind nd i’ve always admired her constant updates nd organization! have u seen her taglist? BRUH i could never :’) these fics rlly made me feel BUTTERFLIES i don’t know how else to describe the way kez makes these works so fcking interesting every time
headcanons
@jungshookz
stuck with you (kth)
suit & tie (myg)
hellish (myg)
basketball!captain (myg)
baby, you can drive my car (myg)
beauty & the bookworm (knj)
these headcanons literally give the serotonin boost i need. they hit so mfking good nd the energy is jus 10/10
fic recs
series and drabbles by @noteguk
bad influence: collection (jjk)
any way you want (kth)
house rules (jhs)
for science (jhs)
let me tell u... these fics were a CULTURAL RESET. god bless them nd tHE WAY NALA IS BACK??? hello. i love u so much. thank u for creating such breath-taking stories with ur incredible writing... u’re insanely talented nd i look forward to more of ur work… like fuck,, i’m so shy rn 👉🏽👈🏽
series and drabbles by @yoonpobs
with you (ksj)
back-burner (myg)
ice skating and holding hands (myg)
cold (pjm)
i absolutely went ✨ I N S A N E ✨ for back-burner yoongi. i was literally taking an accounting class (which i failed nd i have never failed anything in my life) nd thursday aka back-burner update day would literally be my motivation to mfking LIVE. i love the underlying nostalgia in these works.. i literally don’t know who i would be without these fics (i’m downplaying how much i love them arghh)
series and drabbles by @1kook
skirt chasers (jjk)
netflix & chill (jjk)
dreamy (pjm)
absolute icons. literally so well written, it’s unforgettable !!!
series and drabbles by @h0neypjm
confident (jjk)
for practice (kth)
homie hopper till i die (pjm/kth)
these are the ones that... make me feel some type of way... like… 🦋⚡️❤️🔥 way… yk?
series by @floralseokjin
the devil wears armani (ksj)
crystallised saga (ksj)
please be naked (myg)
i think these fics stabbed me in the heart nd the wound never healed. that’s the best way i can put it... i love anything jordan writes but these... these are litereally the bane of my existance. crystallised has so much depth in it nd i honestly feel like i’m in the story with the characters.. i’ve never experienced desperation until i read the devil wears armani because wHAT THE FUCK... pbn is... yeah. let’s just stop here..... 😪
series by @btssmutgalore
nude (kth)
bicker (kth)
benefits (pjm)
🫶🏻 ok. we need to have a conversation about nude. NUDE HAS RUINED MY LIFE. yk why? because the same way it grasps my heart,, it breaks nd makes it new. literally. like mfker rlly said “whatever u say goes” bITCHJFKJSLS IM CRYING IN THE CLUBBBBBB 🫣
series by @personasintro
mutual help (jjk)
my tiny secret
i read mh while it was jus starting.. to see how much it progressed nd how many ppl read it now is mindblowing! my tiny secret was the first ever bts fanfic i ever read... so.... YESSSS
series by @gukslut
rattled (jjk)
oh my god. this has to be my ultimate comfort fic. i’ve never read something so original nd heartbreakingly beautiful. the gradual build nd the way each character experiences nd works thru their issues... chefs kiss... i read this fic at least once a month to remember what love feels like 🥹👊🏽
drabbles by @jeonqkooks
just friends (jjk)
angel baby (jjk)
the moon, and all the stars (jjk)
this is how you fall in love (jjk)
i always see jen sharing her thoughts on my work... but bro... let me mfking tell u... her work speaks for itself. i’m so in love......
drabble by @jungkxook
let’s play: dirty (jjk)
THIS ONE IS SUCH A FUN READ. i need it injected into me tbfh. i always reread it when i’m feeling down
drabble by @angelgukks
pu$$y fairy (jjk)
can not be beat. mfking love this drabble fr
i also want to take the time to express my deepest love nd thank u to the writers who have left this platform. to the writers who have moved on nd left us with memories of their work; ur efforts nd storylines will remain in my heart forever <3
i esp loved a lover’s kiss by @hueseok .
copyright © 2023, muniimyg on tumblr.
#ask muni#🌱: kimi writes#bts social media au#bts fic#bts fake texts#bts fic rec#bts angst#bts fluff#bts drabble#bts smut#bts series
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HAPPY 1-YEAR OF DRAWING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!
(Warning: slightly longer post incoming cause sometimes I gotta be a sentimental bitch ok? So let's go on a little trip down memory lane.)
This day, a year ago, I made my very first fanart. It was dnf (if that surprises you, then welcome to being on my blog for the very first time). I drew a little frog face too so I could use it as a watermark (fun fact: I still use that very same first one).
I immediately put my drawing up on twt because I told myself that I wasn't gonna be afraid of having people see that I was at the very beginning of this journey and had no clue what I was doing. That instead of being bad at art, I was gonna be awesome at being a beginner who doesn't know shit.
I started with little doodles and silly comics and then I laughed way too long when the first drawing of mine that gained some attention was a dnf butt joke. At the time I was trying to balance shipping and non-shipping art so I didn't even draw dnf that much but in hindsight it's probably the only possible way this could have gone.
At the very end of August I woke up to @honelle56 caps-locking at me in my messages - I was very confused and tired (I am no morning person and I will never be, fuck off with your mornings) because Dranart liked my drawing of singing Dream. Dranart was my 17th follower on twt which is a useless yet extremely funny fact about my time on that hellsite.
I also drew human!patches because a) patches was and will always be my favorite dteam member and b) it was a really cute trend and while I do love drawing dream, george and sapnap, I was also quite happy to try drawing anything but a white man for once. And I really liked how the drawing turned out.
Much, much later, I tried to draw my first slightly more realistic looking drawing. I was extremely confused on how to draw anything like this. Especially their hair gave me tons of trouble but given my experience, I think it's not a bad attempt.
When hijacked smp started I obviously wanted to participate, and I drew c!blu who doesn't associate with any side in particular but instead serves soup to everyone who visits her tavern 'The Soup House'. She also wants to be paid in stories from all around the map.
One of the events I was most excited about was dnf week. I even collaborated with two talented writers and I drew the corresponding art for two fics.
(Fun or not so fun fact: when twt had like three hundred collaborative aneurysms about the situation at that moment, that was when I created this tumblr account. I didn't use it super actively (I guess I needed another situation to fully make the switch) but I at least started the account that now developed quite a bit since then.)
I didn't really draw at all through January and February and I actually kinda thought I would move on from that hobby and fandom (not because of negative feelings, just because I didn't really have the urge to create anything within this fandom) and then situations happened and now I am here; and for some reason that is beyond any logic and my understanding I am now even more insane about dteam.
Wild to me but we are rolling with it now, I guess.
Since I got here, I drew more than ever (I actually think I might have made more drawings in the month since I got here than I made the whole rest of the year). There's just such an active and funny community here that cares about fan works for the sake of creating and not just because a CC might see it.
Unfortunately, Tumblr won't let me add more than 10 images in one post (maybe fortunately for everyone who has this monstrosity of a post on their dash). So if you want to see all the progress I made since I got here, you can look at everything in my art tag. For now, I will close this post with one of the art works from the past month that I like the most:
Can't wait to see what the next year might bring :)
Love, blu
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I lost my friend to cancer yesterday.
I’d really like to tell you about her.
We meet people throughout our lives who change it, in big ways and small ways, and ways we will never forget. Sara/ @dearophelia was one of those people for me.
I met her here, on tumblr, about 10 years ago. I wish I could remember what piece of writing I stumbled onto first, but she was such a gifted writer that I immediately wanted to see more. I somehow wound up following her live blog of a road trip, which was full of uproariously snarky jokes about Ohio. I had the courage to reach out and tell her how funny I thought she was, and how great her username was to this fellow Mass Effect fan who lived right down the road in Kentucky and got all the Ohio jokes.
We talked. We chatted. I introduced her to a group of people I played Mass Effect 3’s multiplayer with. She grew from a level one first-timer to a total badass who could carry a team and taught other people how to do the same thing.
And then my life fell apart.
Everything fell apart for me. Turning to my family wound up being a catastrophe, and I didn’t have local “real world” friends I could turn to.
So I texted Sara. Told her I needed somewhere to go, and asked if I could stay with her that weekend.
She texted back, “Yes.” Sent me her address, and said to ping me when I got there. She didn’t hesitate. She didn’t ask why. She just gave me shelter. So I showed up on her doorstep, and she listened while I told her everything. She didn’t judge me. She didn’t think I was insane. She had every right to think both things. Instead, she gave me safe harbor at a time when I had no control over my life and didn’t know what was going to happen to me.
For the next several months, I made frequent trips up I-75 to Ohio. She kept an air mattress out for me. We played multiplayer. We talked about Mass Effect. We talked about life. We bitched about all the people who hated on one of our favorite characters. She introduced me to Babylon 5. I have so many memories of sitting on the couch in her apartment, with her cat Odo crawling around behind my head. When I eventually pieced myself together enough to leave Kentucky and start the work of starting over, it meant leaving behind that sanctuary with her in her apartment, and it was something I had to grieve along with everything else.
And now I am grieving it again, and so much more. I am so lucky I was able to fly back to Ohio a few weeks ago while I had the chance. Hugging someone goodbye, knowing it’s the last hug you’re going to get….well, it sucks.
But I got that hug.
Sara was so many things. She was a gifted storyteller with entire worlds in her head. One of the weekends I stayed with her, she had recreated the Mass Effect galaxy map on her wall with notecards and string to help her tell a story. She could create a character and make you fall in love with them in a matter of sentences. Because of her stories, I binge watched all ten seasons of Stargate SG-1.
She was also not afraid to unapologetically be herself. I had a lot of things to learn and unlearn about the world, feminism, gender, and sexuality, especially in those days. Listening to her fight for her space in the world and refuse to be told she was anything less than who she wanted to be helped me learn some of the things I needed to learn, and embrace the things I discovered about myself.
She loved music. She made the best fucking playlists. She taped inspirational notes around her condo. She sent me a set of coasters that say, “Fuck It,” and “Nah,” and I use them every single day. Her smile was gorgeous. She lit up a room.
And now she’s gone. I won’t see her in my tumblr notes anymore. I won’t see her on my dash. I won’t get pinged with new Odo photos. She won’t get to hear the new music I listen to that shows up in our Spotify blend. I won’t get to talk about the next Mass Effect game with her. I won’t get any more Ao3 updates in my inbox.
I wanted you to know about her – this pocket friend of mine who impacted my life in ways that I won’t ever forget.
I hope you will read her stories. Listen to her playlists. She was a brilliant human being. She should still be here. She isn’t.
And I miss her.
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can't run away | vernon
summary: running is the only life you've ever known. running away from your home planet, running away from anyone that gets too close, running away from officials, running from other smugglers. it's not easy but it's better than the pain that comes with staying in place and definitely better than getting caught. everyone has heard of you but nobody actually knows you. the last thing you want is to take on a passenger, especially when that passenger is a robot from one of the most popular groups in the universe. why would you let him stay when nobody else ever has?
pairing: ai!vernon x smuggler!afab!reader
word count: 15.6k
genre: sci-fi au, angst, fluff (?)
warnings/content: vernon is an automaton, reader is a smuggler (across the galaxy), references to injury (when vernon escapes, to reader as well), questionable methods of finishing a job (reader), suggestions/implications of sex/hook-ups (reader x unnamed characters), questionable legality on the jobs, exploring emotions for automatons, fights, open/ambiguous ending
rating: mature (this is SFW but i prefer only people 18+ interacting with my blog)
a/n: thank you so much to @idyllic-ghost for this incredible collab and this banner. i don't think i would've written a sci-fi fic otherwise and it's been so much fun. check out all the other amazing fics here! also thank you to the loml @hot-soop for *volunteering* to read through this fic. you're an angel. finally, thank you to @strawberryya for letting me use your brain and your planet.
“100 years ago it was thought that the Earth, as we know it, would disintegrate. That the sun would implode and leave everything in darkness. Miraculously, it didn’t. Due to some external force, human scientists still haven’t agreed upon what it exactly was, none of the planets in our former solar system were ever destroyed. The Earth, along with the other planets, were pushed away from each other, and ended up in different parts of the universe. Earth just happened to come to a solar system with alien life. At first, we were cautious, and people were prepared to fight. However, the aliens were welcoming of our planet. Those of us who didn’t die from ‘The Great Journey’ or from trying to fight the aliens, were welcomed into the new solar system. Soon enough, we had integrated completely, and we received materials and assistance from our sister-planets in exchange for human labor. What humans knew of technology was very limited, but with the resources of the aliens we created artificial life forms. We named these robots Automaton, and they served as workers when humans couldn’t. Eventually, there was no need for human labor at all. To pay back for the help the aliens gave us, we used Automatons. With the extensive development of these robots, we eventually managed to create artificial sentient life. These Automatons were human-like in looks and had human consciousness, but they could not bleed and were stronger than we ever could be. At the present time, there are even different levels of Automatons. Level 3 robots are the workers, level 2 robots are the caretakers, and level 1 robots are the celebrities. The Automaton music group 53V3NT33N (SEVENTEEN) is made up of 13 members, all very talented, and all representing two human states of mind.”
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
“Chirron,” you call and wait for his hum to let you know he’s listening, “we have to go. Like 10 minutes ago.”
“Why don’t you try something helpful?” he shoots back at you.
“The last time I got near the controls, you slapped my hands and shrieked,” you answer.
“I did not, it was not a shriek,” he hisses. He’s not really offended, it’s just how the two of you are. You’ve run hundreds of jobs together at this point and there’s nobody else you’d trust. And certainly nobody that’s better at getting your ship in the air and away from trouble. “And it was for a good reason. You’re a menace to society and to the controls, specifically.”
“Every button looks the same,” you huff.
“Will you just shut it for 2 seconds so I get us off this awful planet?” Chirron asks.
“Hey, this is my home planet!” you protest. You’re not sure why you’re distracting him like this when you want to leave just as badly as he does. Need to for the sake of your job.
“I swear to…” he says and stops to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Just a minute, I’m begging you.”
There’s a retort about begging on the tip of your tongue, something you know will get under Chirron’s skin. Something you know better to say and are going to say anyway. Really, what’s the worst he could do? Except just as you’re about to say it, someone comes rushing in through the open door of your ship.
Chirron seems to register the newcomer, but says nothing. In fact, he goes back to working on one of the control panels that’s currently preventing you from leaving the planet. That leaves you to deal with this new person. Or…no, could he be an automaton? There’s something familiar about him that you can’t quite place. There’s also something that doesn’t scream human about him. Maybe the blue hair or the way he moves through expressions. He looks relieved now even though you’re a complete stranger.
“Please, help me,” he rushes out, already moving from relief into something else. He reaches out to take your hands in his and you barely have time to register it. “I’m begging you, I’ll do anything.”
Your first instinct is to flatly tell him that you won’t help him, that you can’t. After all, you’re not exactly the type anyone looks to when they need help. A fact Chirron is always quick to point out. But, you also see that this could present an interesting opportunity for someone such as you. And maybe now you can make some begging jokes without getting your head bitten off.
“And just what are you willing to do?” you ask, arch an eyebrow as you watch the expressions cross his face.
“Oh, well I can…you know, I could…” he sputters along and you laugh.
Just as you’re about to take pity on him, you see a rush of guards coming through the spaceport. It’s the last thing you want to see. Your papers are solid and you’ve already made the very real excuse of needing to fix one of your systems before leaving the planet. Then again, you’ve had enough close calls for a lifetime and you’re not really looking to add another one to that list.
As you watch, the guards talk to some other people milling about in the spaceport. The man who rudely burst onto your ship seems to catch that you’re watching something and immediately ducks down. If you weren’t a little nervous about the guards coming aboard, it would be comical. He’s literally not even hiding behind anything.
“They lookin’ for you?” you ask quietly and clock the answer in his eyes before he even opens his mouth.
“I think so,” he says.
You sigh and ignore Chirron looking back at you. “Back that way, there’s a door in the wall on your left. Nobody ever knows it’s a door, but run your hand on the wall, you’ll feel it.”
“What?” he asks.
“Go,” you hiss and walk towards the open door.
It’s perfecting timing, too, because two of the guards are approaching. One of them, thankfully, is one you’ve dealt with before. And it’s mostly been positive. At least you know he can’t seem to stay away when you breeze in and out of this part of the planet. With any luck, he’s in a good mood.
“Thought that was your ship,” he says with a smirk, ignoring the look from the other guard.
“Guilty,” you smile. “Always nice to see you, Kyun.”
“You two know each other?” the other guard asks skeptically.
“Sure, she runs cargo,” Changkyun says. You can’t fully fight the smile because you know it means you’re safe after all. The two of you have spent enough time in his bed, post hook-up, for him to know that’s not the whole story.
“And I would be gone already because we’re behind schedule, but we had a little mechanical trouble,” you say, laying on the act a little thick.
“Need a hand?” Changkyun offers.
“We’re supposed to be asking about someone,” the other guard reminds him.
“It’s fine, we’ve got it handled anyway,” you say and send Changkyun a flirty smile before turning to his partner. “Ask away.”
“Have you seen an automaton running through here? Blue hair, about this tall, wearing a plain white shirt,” he asks and you pretend to think for a second.
“There’s been a lot of people coming through,” you offer apologetically. “I think I did see someone with bright hair rushing off in that direction. Could’ve been blue.”
“You’re sure about the hair color?” the other guard asks.
“Not really, it happened fast. But it could’ve been blue,” you shrug and then look like you’ve realized something. “Wait, there isn’t a reward is there?”
“Last I heard, you were doing fine,” Changkyun says and you smile as his partner walks off to share your info with a group of guards.
“Can’t blame a girl for trying,” you say with a wink.
“Make sure you come by next time you’re here,” Changkyun says with that look you’ve seen before.
“I will, promise,” you say.
“Have a safe flight!” he calls. He’s already heading off to join his partner.
When he looks back, you wave. For good measure, you look over your shoulder like Chirron said something and nod. You’re closing the hatch with a last wave to Changkyun. Once you’ve also made sure the shields to protect anyone from seeing in are activated, you head back to find your new friend.
“Seems like people are looking for you,” you say when you open the door.
You don’t bother waiting to see if he’s going to follow you when you walk back towards Chirron at the front of the ship. The blue haired man, who still hasn’t introduced himself, follows you instantly and then ducks when he sees the windshield in front of him.
“They can’t see you,” Chirron says in a bored voice. Mostly likely unimpressed by a decision you don’t actually remember making.
“You almost done?” you ask again.
“Yes, actually, that little disruption got you to leave me alone long enough to fix it,” he says with a glare at you. “Now be quiet again.”
“So rude,” you say quietly without any bite.
“Control, Vega Three requesting clearance for take off,” Chirron states over the communication system.
“Clearance granted,” comes an immediate response.
“Finally,” you say and take your seat next to Chirron. You twist over your shoulder to look at your unexpected guest. “I’d buckle in if I were you, sweetheart.”
“Are you…are we taking off?” he asks, seemingly unable to sit still.
“Unless you had a different idea when you tried to sneak onto a ship,” you respond.
“But you don’t…” he begins.
“You’ve got your reasons for wanting to get off this planet, and we’ve got ours, best to discuss those once we’re actually off the planet. So, strap in,” you instruct.
The stranger in question doesn’t need to be told a third time, thankfully. He slides into the seat behind Chirron and buckles himself in. With a sideways glance at you to confirm he’s clear, Chirron uses the recently repaired controls to get you going and safely off this planet. Even though it’s your home planet, and you definitely can linger, this job is a little sensitive. You really can’t afford to be late on the delivery, though your reputation with this buyer is spotless. It only stays spotless as long as you finish your jobs as quickly and discreetly as possible.
If you expect the stranger to say something as Chirron navigates you out of the spaceport and into the air, you’re left wanting. When you look back, you find him relaxed back into the chair. It’s like he’s completely at ease. Or maybe just feeling a lot of relief that you let him stay on board. Or even relief that you lied to the guards. Something you do often, though he doesn’t know that. His eyes close as Chirron types in the course to autopilot until you get close to your destination.
While the stranger rests, something kind of surprising to you given that he doesn’t know you at all, you briefly wonder if it’s sleep or just a sort of recharging. Chirron claims your attention and you quietly discuss your plans for once you get to your destination. Salax is known for…discretion. People don’t tend to ask that many questions there because of the types of humans and aliens alike that follow their desires there. But, since it’s a place for your deepest desires, people are also wary of suspicious behavior. You’ve spent plenty of time there, both for your own pleasure or, like now, for a job.
The downside to this planet, though? It’s the type of place no robot would ever be seen. Certainly not a Level 1. They’re far too pure for that. And judging by the number of guards employed, and the fact that you were on Earth, you’re willing to bet your new passenger is a Level 1. So that’s going to add its own unique set of challenges. Something that has you buzzing with adrenaline, but has Chirron looking sterner than usual.
“We need to know who he is,” Chirron repeats quietly.
“And we will,” you answer easily.
“If he’s a Level 1…” Chirron starts before trailing off.
“What? You’ll turn me over for the reward you asked about?” the stranger asks. You’re a little startled because you didn’t realize he had woken up. Or stopped resting, whatever.
Chirron scoffs as he takes in your amusement. “No.”
“It’s not a ridiculous question,” he insists.
“It is if you know her,” Chirron says and nods in your direction.
“Why? You’re wondering if I’m a Level 1 so you know how high the reward is,” he insists and you finally take pity on him.
“No, I have no intention to collect some reward for you, if one even exists,” you confirm.
“But why?” he asks. He’s fidgeting in his seat like he can’t sit still. It’s interesting to see when he was resting so peacefully without moving.
“Because,” Chirron interjects, clearly intent to take away any fun, “she prefers not to deal in things as meaningless as currency or credits.”
“How do you live?” he asks, genuine curiosity coloring his face.
“I’ve got enough credits to keep us going for years,” you answer vaguely.
“What else is there to work for?” the stranger wonders.
You turn your seat fully so it’s facing him and lean forward, dropping your voice a little. “So many things, sweetheart. Favors, information, gossip…secrets.”
His eyes go wide, like it’s something he’s never considered before. And he probably hasn’t. If he’s a Level 1, and you’d bet your ship that he is at this point, then this is so wildly out of normality for him. The Level 1s are pristine, like the celebrities of the galaxy living in luxury with someone to help keep them functioning at the highest levels. They’ll never see the types of jobs that Level 3s see, those jobs that nobody else wants to do. They’ll never work the way that Level 2s do, or have to work for humans in that way. Which isn’t to say their lives are perfect. It’s just not the kind of life where they see the dirty types of jobs that you and Chirron are used to.
“Why don’t you give me a name, sweetheart? Unless you prefer the pet name, which is fine by me,” you say.
He hesitates, before saying, “Vernon.”
You and Chirron look at each other, like you’re both wondering why this automaton seems familiar and why everyone is looking for him.
“Well, V3RN0N actually, from 53V3NT33N,” Vernon adds.
And that makes everything fall into place. Not that you pay much attention to groups of performers like that, it’s kind of hard when you’re constantly on the move, but everyone in the galaxy knows them. Everyone in the galaxy also knows that the members just…disappeared. There isn’t much information, at least not from reputable sources, about what happened. Thankfully for you, you don’t really deal in reputable sources. So you’ve heard your fair share about the escapes, each tale sounding a little wilder than the last. You at least know someone is desperate to find all 13 of the automatons, given how popular the group is. Or maybe it’s because they’ve resorted to asking in places they’d normally never be caught to find information.
When you assure Vernon that your previous statement still stands, that you’re far more interested in your form of currency than any reward you’d get from turning him in, he relaxes a bit again. He’s worried, still, that he admitted to complete strangers who he really is, but you give him your real names. You tell him what you actually do, despite Chirron’s protests. That’s when he starts telling you all about the escape. The way that he got away, the way he doesn’t know what happened to his other members, the way he hopes they’re all okay too.
It’s a little depressing and a lot too close to home for you to hear what life was actually like for Vernon and the other Automatons in his group. Not that you’ve ever been famous or had people across the galaxy expecting you to perform, but you know a thing or two about someone else making your decisions. Chirron knows it too, knows your story intimately, so he probably also sees where this is going before you do.
It’s difficult, you think, to listen to Vernon talk about his experiences and why he chose to run. Humans and aliens had worked together to create these new beings. Perfected them until they were indistinguishable from humans and even gave them emotions. Yet beings like Vernon and his group are expected to just perform. To essentially serve at the wishes of the public for entertainment value. Have to uphold the highest standards and can’t ever do something that would look bad. Have to remain pure, whatever that means.
From there, you come up with a plan. One that will at least give you time to come up with some next steps on Salax. Vernon is restless again when you share your destination. Of course he’s never been there, but he knows all about it. It’s hard to tell if he’s just nervous that he’ll look out of place or if he’s curious about what actually happens there. In either case, you need to make sure he’s prepared for the stop. There isn’t much choice anyway, you’re on a schedule and he’s just an unexpected passenger. Before he can continue protesting, you send him to the back of the ship to look through the clothes and accessories. Anything to hide who he is.
“He’s not you, you know,” Chirron offers.
“I know that,” you answer.
“Do you?” From anyone else, the question might sound accusatory. From Chirron, it only sounds concerned.
You sigh. “I do, but what they put him through is awful.”
“He’s an Automaton,” Chirron reminds you.
“I’m well aware,” you say with a slight snap to your words. “You heard him, though. And you’ve seen the Automatons we’ve come across. It’s different.”
“Does he know what you’re going to tell them when we get to Salax?” Chirron asks, switching tactics.
“Do you?” you ask back.
“An overly sheltered Automaton on Salax?” Chirron raises an eyebrow at you. “You’re going to bring him along as your ‘date’ who’s just testing the waters to see if it’s his thing.”
“I am not that predictable,” you retort. But you don’t disagree because you can’t.
“What else would you say?” Chirron asks.
“I don’t know, I just hope it works,” you say.
“Luckily for him, you’re a frequent visitor,” Chirron says with a shrug.
You decide to let that comment lie. Partly because you don’t want to argue with Chirron too loudly and draw Vernon’s attention. Partly because he’s not entirely wrong. You do like to spend time on Salax, looking for things that you can’t find when you’re constantly on the move. Looking for people that don’t expect you to be there when they need you. That’s something you can’t do. Chirron would ask ‘can’t or won’t’, but the difference hardly matters.
After another minute you go and check on Vernon because you really do need to get going. For a number of reasons. He’s dressed and looking like he’ll at least moderately fit in at the club you’re taking him to. It’s clear he still wants to stay on the ship, or to go with Chirron, but you remind him that won’t work. Chirron is leaving the ship to get supplies for after your errands and to make sure you’re ready to leave the planet. Even without Vernon, you don’t want to linger. Not this time. Going with Chirron to run errands would be even more suspicious. He so rarely has anyone around when he’s anywhere, let alone Salax. He keeps to himself so the appearance of a beautiful stranger would be out of character. No, it’s much easier to have Vernon with you. You’re much more likely to have someone around on this planet. And you’re certainly had enough beautiful strangers with you on Salax to blend in. You ignore the way Vernon reacts each time you call him beautiful because, really, it’s just a fact.
Vernon tags along a half step behind you when you leave the ship. You’re considering telling him to walk beside you when you think you might as well sell it. If you’re going to be telling people that he’s your pet, just someone you picked up for the time being, then it makes sense that he wouldn’t walk quite beside you.
This club is so familiar to you. Once you’re inside, you make your way to one of the back rooms, the same room you always meet your client in every time she hires you. Nobody asks questions as it is, but certainly not of her when she books private rooms. You know she’ll be seeing someone else before or after you. Or both, knowing her.
Thankfully, Vernon keeps his head down like you told him to while you’re winding your way through. You offer the occasional smile or nod as you see people that you know, people you’ve worked with professionally and people you know personally. Some look at your companion, but nobody says anything. Both you and Chirron were right. Though this puts Vernon in contact with more people, it’s far less conspicuous. Besides, with his hat and clothing, nobody would guess he was a Level 1.
Circe is waiting in her back room, sprawled out on her lounger when you enter, surprisingly alone. Then again, she probably got word when you landed and then again when you entered the club. As usual, she looks completely stunning in her figure hugging outfit. It’s enough to send anyone’s mind into overdrive.
“My, my, darling,” she says as she takes in both you and your companion. “I would scold you for keeping me waiting, but you’ve brought company.”
“You know I’d never dream of keeping you waiting,” you say with a smile at her. “We were…held up a bit. Had some ship trouble.”
“And picked up a new toy,” she comments. “Please, sit.”
“Ah yes, well he’s…curious about expanding his horizons,” you say with a glance at him. The two of you sit in front of her.
“Maybe we can share,” Circe offers and you chuckle.
“Circe, love, he’s nowhere near ready for that,” you answer.
“Always keeping your prettiest toys from me,” Circe pouts.
“Now you know that’s not true,” you chastise. “The last time I was here for fun rather than work…”
“Was very fun, that’s true,” Circe concedes. “Should I assume you’re not staying around this time, then?”
“I’m afraid not,” you say and inject as much sincerity as you can.
“Would that happen to be because he’s one of those escaped Automatons?” Circe plays it off like idle curiosity and you only smile fondly.
“If he were, what kind of fool would I be to bring him here?” you wonder.
“The kind that does trust me despite your insistence that you trust nobody other than yourself and Chirron,” she answers without missing a beat.
“Well,” you shrug.
“I thought…” Vernon says quietly to you.
“Relax, whoever you are is no concern of mine. She knows I won’t blow your secret because I know that there’s nobody better in the galaxy than her at what she does,” Circe says softly.
“You flatter me,” you say. This time the sincerity comes in earnest.
Circe waves it off like it’s nothing. You also know she means what she said. “I assume you have what I sent you off for?”
“Of course,” you respond and reach into your bag.
“This is why I protect her,” Circe says, leaning forward like she’s sharing a secret with Vernon. “I’ve never met anyone that can do a sensitive job for me like she can.”
“And have you met a lot of people?” Vernon asks.
Circe’s eyes sparkle. “You may be one of the only ones who can understand when I say thousands, probably.”
You watch the interaction for a moment because it’s so mundane, so simple. Shaking your head to clear the scene, you hand over a small device. Circe takes it and examines it for a second, looking over the markings on the side. Her smile is almost instant.
“This looks full,” she comments.
“It is,” you answer.
“How sensitive is the material?” Circe asks.
You hesitate and look over at Vernon. “I wouldn’t watch it with just anyone. There’s…well I don’t have to tell you that people get more honest when they’re in compromising situations.”
This seems to amuse Circe as she watches you form your words. It’s different from how you usually are and it’s entertaining. “Are you in it?”
“No,” you answer with a little laugh. “Someone owed me a very big favor. Well owes me several favors, actually. He’s not off the hook yet.”
“I’ve known you for years and I still don’t think I understand the extent of your network,” Circe observes.
“Probably not,” you acknowledge.
“And what about you, my little mystery, what do you owe her?” Circe asks Vernon.
“I’m…” he starts, looks over at you for guidance. “I’m not sure yet.”
“That’s dangerous,” Circe adds.
“We haven’t really figured…” Vernon begins, still very nervous. “She got me off Earth.”
“That’s actually part of what I needed to talk to you about. I need to get him an introduction to someone,” you say. Circe’s eyes turn back to you.
“To whom, darling?” she asks.
“I’m not sure,” you admit. “I need a recommendation. Someone that you trust that can help him disappear. Help him reappear as someone new.”
Circe regards the pair of you for a moment. Probably a moment too long for Vernon’s comfort. “I can’t help you.”
Your frustration gets the better of you before you even consider the why. “Can’t or won’t?”
“Pumpkin,” Circe says, full of affection and patience that you’re not sure you deserve. “I know the kind of favors you’re offering for something like this. I’d be stupid to turn it down if I could help you, but unfortunately I like you too much to pull the wool over on you.”
“Why can’t you help?” This, at least, comes out calm.
“I’m not sure where to turn, not now at least. There are too many people looking for him,” Circe admits.
You sigh heavily at that. In the seven years that you’ve known Circe, this is a first. It’s the first time you’ve ever presented her with a problem that she couldn’t solve. It leaves you feeling a little helpless, a feeling that you really don’t enjoy. Maybe she takes a little bit of pity on you because she does tell you to see one of her workers before you leave. He can help Vernon look a little different, at least. That’s all she can do, though, and she knows she’s still going to owe you after this.
So you’re going to have to take Vernon with you, at least for now. You feel some amount of responsibility, even though he jumped onto your ship. But he’s far too sheltered for this life, too innocent, too naive. He isn’t hard around the edges like you, doesn’t know that he can’t trust anyone, hasn’t been hurt by people he depended on.
You finish up the conversation with Circe and say your goodbyes. It completely slips your notice that Vernon isn’t right behind you when you head out the door.
“Wait a moment,” Circe says, lightly grabbing Vernon’s arm.
He looks down at the place her hand touches his arm before meeting her eyes again. The confusion on his face must be clear.
“Be careful with her,” Circe says. Vernon’s eyebrows only knit further in confusion. “I love her dearly, but it always comes at a price. She’s the kind of girl you’d name one of those hurricanes after back on Earth.”
“I’m not sure…” Vernon tries to begin. Circe waves a hand to quiet him.
“She’s wild and wonderful,” Circe says with a soft smile that only lingers a second. “But she will destroy everything in her path.”
Vernon is about to say something when you pop your head back through the door. “There you are, come on. We should really get going.”
Vernon looks back at Circe, tries to make some kind of sense of what she said. It’s pointless, though, and instead he just follows you out without a word.
If Vernon is expecting you to head straight back to the ship, he’s mistaken. You wind through the hallways like you’ve been through a hundred times before. Which is entirely possible, it’s not like Vernon knows much about you or your history. He just knows he couldn’t navigate back out if he got lost, so he stays close. It’s not that has a bad memory, it’s just that his brain is currently on overdrive. He’s thinking about what Circe said about you. But he’s also just taking in all the things he never even knew existed.
It doesn’t seem like you’re heading anywhere, even when you stop. The room is empty except for a large desk in the center. Vernon wants to ask what it is you’re doing. One look at your face tells him not to. You quickly reach into one of the drawers, like it’s the most normal thing, and pull out another device that looks like the one you gave to Circe. You stow the device in a pocket that Vernon hadn’t even noticed and make your way back out without another word.
In fact, you don’t speak again until you’re back on the ship. Vernon has a second to note that Chirron is missing before you head to the control panel and start pressing buttons. The door closes and something seems to shift with the windshields. It’s like the ship is going into some sort of shut down. You walk back past Vernon to a table and slide into one side of the booth. Vernon takes the cue and slides in across from you.
“So that didn’t exactly go as planned,” you observe.
“You were expecting her to help,” Vernon says and you nod.
“Circe knows everyone, has eyes and ears everywhere, so it’s…well I don’t want to scare you, but it’s concerning that she can’t help hide you,” you say.
“Maybe I should just go back,” Vernon wonders out loud.
“Look, you ran away for a reason and I know the kind of desperation it takes to just…run onto some random ship,” you let him know. “I’m not really sure why I’m helping, but I’m going to help. There’s just one rule.”
“What is it?” Vernon asks. He already knows he’s going to agree.
“Whatever I say, you have to follow,” you say. It sounds so simple, Vernon is sure there’s some kind of catch when you continue. “If I say run, you run. If I say hide, you hide. If I say leave me behind, you have to.”
“But…” Vernon starts and you shake your head.
“I’m going to try to find a solution, but I have to keep working too. And this isn’t exactly a safe line of work,” you tell him.
“I’d gathered,” he says before he can stop himself. You chuckle.
“At least you’re observant,” you say.
Since Chirron isn’t back yet, you send off a quick message to him that you’re going off the ship for one more quick stop. That you’ll be back within the hour and ready to go if he is. With that out of the way, you take Vernon to see Circe’s friend about blending in a little better. You’re just hoping that this isn’t going to be a waste. And also hoping that nobody recognizes him in the meantime because the last thing you need is for your name to be plastered next to his.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
Two hours later, you’re all back on the ship and taking off. With a quick message to Circe, you thank her and request that she keep you updated if she hears anything interesting. Thankfully, she seems to know what that means and there’s nobody better to keep an eye out. Vernon looks different, too. His hair is a different color and style, his eyes are no longer the same shade, his clothing is entirely different, even some of the shape of his face is different. Despite his protests, you also got him a face mask and sunglasses to wear. Although he thinks that it’ll make him stand out, you insist that in your line of work, it’s standard.
Although you know you need to talk, you tell Vernon that it’s time for you all to get at least a little sleep. Chirron put it on the slow track to allow everyone a chance to rest before getting to their next stop. It’s standard practice for the two of you, but entirely foreign to Vernon.
Once you wake up again, it’s time to talk. “We need a story.”
You, Chirron, and Vernon are sitting at the table in the main part of the ship. The ship itself is on autopilot to your next stop, which Chirron says will take at least 3 more hours.
“Better late than never, I guess,” Chirron says.
“Would you stop being grumpy?” you fire back.
“No,” Chirron answers without hesitation.
“Uh, a story for what?” Vernon interrupts.
“Who you are and why we’ve let you join our missions.” Chirron gives the straightforward answer before you can be a smartass.
“Does there need to be a story?” Vernon asks, causing Chirron to sigh.
“Yes, there does,” is all Chirron says.
You shoot him a look. “Our entire livelihood depends on us staying off the wrong radars, which we’ve been good at. But it also depends on our current…clients continuing to trust us. You’re new. And while our reputation is excellent, we tend to deal with a lot of people who value privacy and secrecy over everything.”
“So she can’t just tell them we’ve picked up a rogue celebrity on the run and just go with it,” Chirron says.
“Maybe I should just…” Vernon starts.
“What? Get off the ship and try to hide on your own?” you wonder.
“I don’t know,” Vernon says.
“Remember what I said when you got on the ship? The one rule is to do what I say?” Vernon nods at your question. “That’s still in effect, sweetheart.”
“So what’s the plan?” Chirron asks you.
“What are you good at? Besides singing and dancing?” You direct this question at Vernon.
“Rapping, not singing,” Vernon corrects quietly.
“What?” you ask.
“I rapped, I didn’t sing,” Vernon tells you. “And I produced some of our tracks. In my free time, when I actually got it, I played a lot of games.”
You’re looking at Vernon like he just handed you the easiest line and he doesn’t realize it. His head is down, he’s not confident about anything he said. But you know better. You know that he just handed you the perfect solution.
“You any good with tech, then?” You try to throw out the question casually.
Chirron actually approaches a smile then. He knows where this is going and enjoys the way Vernon’s head pops up. It’s almost endearing the way his eyes go wide and he looks innocent again.
“Uh, yeah, I’m decent with it. I, well I used to try and practice any time I could get my hands on any tech. I had to use all the programs to produce the songs, so I got pretty good at it,” Vernon says.
“Chirron, I’d like you to meet our new tech specialist,” you announce and Chirron chuckles.
“Bout time I didn’t have to stumble my way through reprogramming shit,” Chirron says.
“I don’t know,” Vernon says.
“Look, I’ve got plenty of old tech on the ship that you can practice on. After the next job, we’d planned a break anyway. So, for real, I won’t pick up anything new…” you start to outline.
“Thank fuck,” Chirron whispers, silenced by your look.
“And we can lay low at our place while you figure out if you’re really our new tech guy,” you say.
“Your place?” Vernon asks.
“Yeah, I mean we’re not always on the move,” you say with a shrug.
“Okay, might as well try, I guess,” Vernon says.
“That’s the spirit,” you encourage.
Vernon shits in his seat and winces. It’s the first time that you’re actually looking at the way his body moves. You hadn’t even looked when he changed or when he had his appearance worked on, hadn’t checked for injuries or done any of that. You’re not used to having someone new around. For all yours and Chirron’s faults, both of you trust the other and know well enough to admit if you’ve been hurt. This new addition doesn’t.
He winces again and runs a hand over his chest, something he clearly hopes you don’t notice. You do, though. His eyes meet yours and he looks scared, like he’s still not sure if he can trust you. Like he’s still on edge with every move.
“Are you okay?” you ask, voice gentle so you don’t scare him.
“This is all a bit weird to get used to,” Vernon answers.
“That’s not what I meant,” you level.
“It’s nothing,” he insists.
“Vernon, if we’re all gonna be in this, then you have to tell us what’s going on,” you say with as much care as you can muster. Certainly more care than Chirron is used to.
“It’s not that bad, it could be a lot worse, it’s just…well it’s the communication device that I used to have. My manager, he had to stay behind, he’d been loosening it for weeks so it wasn’t as painful when it came out but I had to run before he could finish. And I almost got caught trying to have someone fix it for me,” Vernon says.
“You’re going to need to let us see,” Chirron says.
Vernon looks between the two of you before he lifts his shirt over his head. Beneath it, he’s wearing a bandage that wraps around his body. You lean forward to start unwinding the wrapping, needing to get a look. It’s weird, you think, to brush your fingers against his skin and have it feel so much like your own. Weirder still is seeing the partial hole leftover in his chest. You can see where some of the edges need to be smoothed and where he needs to keep it covered. Vernon doesn’t seem nervous under your touch, which reminds you that he’s not actually human, despite how much his upper body seems like he would be.
“Chirron, can you go get me my toolkit?” you ask.
“What are you going to do?” Vernon asks suspiciously.
“I’m going to do everything I can to make it more comfortable while we’re on the ship and then we can figure out next moves once we land,” you say.
“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Vernon protests and you just raise an eyebrow.
Chirron reappears with a box and stifles a chuckle at the scene. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“How do you know what to do?” Vernon tries a different question.
“She worked as a Automaton mechanic for almost a year,” Chirron answers, taking your fun of torturing him away.
“I thought you were a criminal,” Vernon admits and this does make Chirron laugh. You join in.
“I’m a lot of things, sweetheart, I’ve lived a very full life,” you say and don’t offer any further explanations.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
Back home, you get settled and suggest you all get some rest before you decide on next moves. You know that Vernon doesn’t actually sleep now, but you also know he has to recharge. Which is all sleep is anyway, so you send him off to his own area to recharge. Once you’re all awake again, Chirron helps you come up with a more permanent solution to the whole where Vernon’s communication device used to be. It’s painful, you know that it’s painful for him and you wish you could help. But you can’t. All you can do is help him through it and know that when you’re done, he shouldn’t be in pain anymore. He takes even longer to recharge after you’re done. When he emerges, though, he does feel a lot better and he’s incredibly thankful.
It’s been just over three weeks since Vernon ran onto your ship without looking back. Just about three weeks since you finished the last job after leaving Salax. Chirron has loved every minute of getting to take the break. In fact, you’ve gone entire days without seeing him while he takes time for himself. It’s one of the longer breaks you’ve taken and he’s actually enjoying it.
You, on the other hand, don’t like to be still. Don’t like to be stationary. It gives you entirely too much time to think and to remember all the reasons you’re in this position now. For the first few days, you tried to give Vernon his space like Chirron. He had more tech and gadgets than he’d seen in his entire existence, which is good. It seemed like he was enjoying getting to work on them and learn as he went. Annoyingly, he took to it almost immediately.
But then he seemed to realize that you didn’t like to be left to your own devices. That you’re the opposite of Chirron and would probably never stop moving if you had the choice. So he asks if you would be willing to keep him company while he works through things, insists that he doesn’t need silence in order to work. Actually, he thinks that he’s gotten a good handle on it and it would be better having you around. Even though you look skeptical, you take him up on the offer.
While Vernon works (and occasionally curses at something, using a swear word he learned from you), he asks about your life. Usually you keep all of that to yourself. It’s not really comfortable for you to share the parts of your past. But this isn’t a normal situation. Meeting someone like Vernon isn’t an everyday occurrence. So you find yourself telling him things that it took you months or years to tell Chirron without giving it a second thought. Everything just feels…easy. There’s no other word. Vernon has experienced things you couldn’t ever imagine, but he’s still so new at people and interactions. There’s no fear of judgment with him. It’s almost refreshing.
Vernon listens intently as you talk about your childhood and how you got to where you are now. It’s hard for him to really imagine having parents like yours that loved you and cared for you. That’s not an experience or relationship he’s had, even as close as he is to his other members. When you start to talk about things getting harder, you pick up a communication device to start fidgeting with it. Something you may not even realize but Vernon has learned enough of human emotion to know you’re uncomfortable. Not so uncomfortable that you stop talking, just unused to talking about this part of your past. The emotion is clear on your face when you talk about losing your parents, even for Vernon to pick out. Although you insist they weren’t perfect, they were all you had and you were way too young to try and make it on your own. Yet that’s exactly what you had to do. Exactly what landed you here.
It surprises Vernon when you’re equally as interested in hearing about his experiences up until this point. About how others interacted with him, about what his emotions are like, about just generally how he feels. Which catches him off guard. He can’t remember a time in his existence where someone has actually wanted to know how he was doing in that way. Sure, people cared that he was performing at the top level and there were plenty across the galaxy that claimed to care about him. But Vernon could not recall someone asking him how he felt about any of it like he had a choice to feel anything at all. Not until you, that is.
So that made Vernon want to talk. He started at the easiest place to tell you about performing and about his members. Even with the space and distance from them, he thinks he did genuinely care for them, genuinely enjoy being around them. He realizes that he enjoyed the performing aspect of it too. What he found he didn’t enjoy was the control and the treatment behind the scenes. He was always a commodity, always expected to do as he was told. Never permitted to see other parts of the world, interact with others the way he might want to. None of his time was ever truly free, his every move was watched. It was fine, at the beginning of Vernon’s consciousness, to live that way.
However, as Vernon became more aware of the universe around him, he began to feel that he was missing something. He wanted to see more, know more, experience more. It made him restless. Sure, he’s not human, or even alien, and he can’t bleed or die the way others can. But he was given consciousness, given the ability to think and move freely, the ability to form bonds with others, the ability to question. With that had come the thought of something more than he currently had. All of that had led him to this moment.
It’s hard, hearing about the life Vernon led. But you can also see how talking about his feelings with someone that cares changes him. He’s able to sort through feelings that he never considered before. It’s really nice to be able to offer that to him, to be able to support him in such a human way. Whatever else is true about the Automatons, they clearly have enough consciousness that they deserve to be treated far differently.
It also naturally flows into you sharing what work actually looks like for you and Chirron. And Vernon now that he’s joining the team. You outline the jobs you take, the types of clients you have, the methods that you use to get a job done. Vernon seems a little wide-eyed at some of the jobs you take or how you get them done. But that’s when you remind him that getting a job done by any means necessary is kind of your whole motto. He doesn’t have to worry, you’ll never put him or Chirron in a compromising situation and never ask either of them to do something they’re not comfortable with. If it’s something…compromising, you’ll always do that yourself or call in a favor from your network. Although Vernon doesn’t look like he likes the answer, he accepts it.
Neither you or Vernon notice the moment when your days shift. What started as the two of you going about your days separately before ending up chatting about something turned into being together throughout the day, not even really tracking the last time Chirron had been by. Although you assured Vernon it wasn’t really an issue, both you and Chirron wore bracelets with trackers in them so you’d always know where the other was. That’s a relief, because honestly Vernon likes this comfort between you and him. He does ask if he should get a bracelet too and you say that you’ll get him one as well.
Finally, though, all good things must come to an end. You manage to call Chirron back so that you can move forward with your plan. Everyone is still looking for Vernon and his other members, but it seems that nobody has reported any sightings. At least not of Vernon.
“Are you ready to move back out?” you ask Chirron over dinner.
“If we must,” he sighs. Then he turns to Vernon. “Though I should thank you, actually, she’s never stayed still for this long.”
“Not like she’s stayed still while we’ve been here,” Vernon offers.
“Hey,” you protest.
“You haven’t,” Vernon doubles down. He’s different now, much more comfortable pushing back against you like an equal rather than someone who just needs to be saved.
“This is still unprecedented for her,” Chirron says. “I was sure we’d be back on a job within the first week.”
“Okay, okay,” you interrupt.
“Do you have a job lined up for us?” Chirron asks.
“Several, just deciding the right one. I’m going to reach out to Circe first, though, on the unsecured line just to plant the first seeds,” you say.
This is part of the plan. You trust Circe, despite your insistence that you don’t trust anyone, but you can never be too careful. So you have two ways to talk. One is the most secure, locked down communicator in the galaxy and it’s strictly for sensitive jobs or when you can’t drop in to see her in person. It’s how she’s been keeping you updated on any rumblings about Vernon. The other is for things that wouldn’t matter so much if someone else saw it.
You: hey love, just wanted to let you know that we finally expanded the crew beyond chirron and myself
Circe: about time, who’s the new addition?
You: he goes by sol, caught the fucker trying to hack one of my comms and offered him a job on the spot
Circe: only you
Circe: so you finally have a tech specialist?
You: looks like it
Circe: well stop by the next time you’re in the area, first round’s on me
Vernon offered up that he was also called Hansol as an actual name. Though he preferred to keep going by Vernon, Sol would make for a good name to resurface under. Nobody would be able to put those two together, so it seemed safe while still ringing at least partly true. You taught him that the best cover stories or lies had a little bit of truth to them. It made it easier to navigate.
Predictably, after reaching out to Circe, you got several more job requests. Each one came with a message that they’d heard about the new addition to your team and were looking forward to hiring you even more. Which is exactly what you wanted. Although the other two had initially been skeptical, they had come around. There was undeniable logic in the idea of Vernon hiding in almost plain sight. Nobody in their right mind would go looking for a missing Automaton on a ship of questionable legality that made frequent stops on a planet like Salax. Everything in his programming should have stopped that.
Which just leaves picking a job to start with, something you do all the time. Vernon can tell you’re a bit nervous, and he is too honestly, but it’s going to be okay. It has to be okay.
“I’m just gonna remind you before we head out,” you start, allowing Chirron to go ahead onto the ship, “you can leave any time you want. After the first two jobs, that is.”
“But you’re still gonna be doing this, right?” Vernon asked.
“Yeah,” you answer quickly.
Vernon shrugs. “I’m with you then.”
“Vern,” you caution. He only shakes his head.
“I wanna stick by you, you’re the first person that’s ever given a shit about me,” he says.
That makes your heart skip a beat, which you don’t really have time to consider since you’re supposed to be taking off any minute now. In fact, if you don’t follow Vernon onto the ship, you’re sure that Chirron is going to come storming off to yell at you for holding them up. There are certain windows that you need to operate in. So you file the feeling away to be dealt with later, like so many other things in your life, and get on the ship. You still have a team to run.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
Everything goes fine with Vernon on the team. At least for a while. That’s the good thing about the type of work you do. Nobody really asks that many questions about your team or your backgrounds or where you were before. Nobody really cares, honestly, when your reputation is spotless and you’ve never missed a job. Honestly, you think that this whole situation is pretty perfect. Even Chirron, ever the pessimist, seems satisfied.
Which is why you don’t see the issue coming. You should, you know it’s your job to see every possible outcome and calculate the likelihood of success, but you don’t see this one. Don’t anticipate something going wrong because of Vernon nearly blowing your cover. Don’t even consider that he might have an issue now, when it’s been weeks, with your methods for getting something done. Don’t think that you have to remind him that the number one rule when it comes to jobs is by any means necessary.
Yet that’s what happens. He turns remarkably human, even with the restlessness that you’ve come to expect, when the three of you are sitting with an unsuspecting mark. Another human that doesn’t realize you’re on a job rather than just enjoying some drinks on a night out. You’re getting ready to take the mark to a backroom so that you can get the information you need and Vernon seems like he wants to stop you. Actively tries to delay you, actually.
“Baby, it’s getting a little crowded in here, why don’t you go ahead and see about a room reservation,” you say, offering your most seductive smile. The mark hesitates for a moment, thrown off by Vernon’s last comments.
“I would hate to get in the way…” he begins and your hand is on his arm immediately.
“I assure you, you’re not,” you say with eyes only for him. “I promise, I’ll meet you at the desk in just a minute.”
“How can I say no to that?” he asks, enamored with you again. Like too many before him.
The second he’s out of earshot, Vernon exhales and opens his mouth to say something. You’re quick to plaster on the same smile.
“Chirron, take him back to the ship and wait for me there,” you say quietly, making sure nobody can hear you and nobody realizes you’re unhappy.
“Look, I’m sorry, I just…” Vernon starts.
“Not here,” you respond quickly, keeping the smile in place.
“Okay, but…” Vernon tries again, but Chirron is nudging him out of the booth.
“Let’s get something to eat, I’m starving,” he says without bothering to be quiet. He knows your moves well enough to play along.
“All you think about is food,” you jibe affectionately.
“Don’t take too long, we’ve still got work to do,” Chirron calls over his shoulder as he leads Vernon away.
You watch the two of them disappear into the crowd before you join the mark. Thankfully, he seems so taken by your flirting that he accepts your excuses of your friends being hungry. Everyone gets a little cranky, he sympathizes. The desk attendant offers you the key to one of the private rooms and you lead the way, feeling the mark following you without needing to check.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
It takes a little longer than normal and definitely longer than you’d like before you’re also headed back to the ship. This mark needed a little more foreplay before he was ready to spill the secrets that you need. Or maybe you’re a little off your game from the near issue that Vernon created. You know you’re good, you’ve done this enough times to know that you can be irresistible, but you don’t like unexpected interference. You definitely don’t ever expect that to come from your own team. And you don’t like having to resort to different plans, like you did tonight. Normally, you don’t take it that far. No matter. You got what you needed.
Once you’re heading back to the ship, you fire off a quick message to Chirron to ask if he’s got any food leftover on the ship. He knows it’s code. You’re asking if he actually went to get something to eat or if they went straight back to the ship. His answer comes immediately. They do have food, he lists off what the leftovers are, but you took too long and it might be cold. A suggestion to get your own food if you’re hungry. And also a suggestion to take an extra beat if you need it before you come back to the situation on the ship. So you take heed and pick up some food from your favorite stand before returning to the ship.
Both Chirron and Vernon are sitting in the booth as soon as you turn around from closing the hatch. Chirron looks tired, like he’s run an entire marathon in the time since you parted ways. Vernon looks restless, like he’s barely able to stay seated. Maybe that’s why Chirron looks so worn out.
“What the fuck, Vernon?” you ask as soon as you’re sitting down and setting out your food.
“What do you mean?” he asks as if it’s a completely unreasonable question.
“You nearly blew our cover!” you retort.
“Because you were going to…you were taking him, you were going to…” he stutters out.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, I was going to fuck him,” you cut over him.
He blanches at the bluntness of your statement. Even after all the time he’s been around you, he’s still surprised. “Well that’s just…you shouldn’t have to do that.”
Your eyes flick to Chirron, as if you’re asking what he’s been doing the last two hours that you were indisposed.
“He doesn’t want to hear what I have to say,” Chirron says. Vernon glances between the two of you. It’s still foreign to him that you can communicate without using any words.
“No, I don’t,” Vernon agrees.
“Well, you should,” you say flatly. “Chirron is just as much in charge as I am. Whatever he says, also goes.”
“Not when it comes to you doing…that,” Vernon says.
“No, that was my choice,” you agree.
“And you shouldn’t have done it,” Vernon argues.
“According to who, Vern?” you ask.
“You just shouldn’t have to…use your body like that,” he says and looks down. He’s embarrassed, but you’re not sure why.
“Sweetheart, you knew the game. I told you that jobs get done by whatever means necessary. I told you that I’d never ask you or Chirron to do what I did, but that if it came to it, I would do it,” you explain.
“I didn’t think you were serious,” he says quietly.
“So, what? You thought you’d come in like some Knight to protect my honor and risk blowing the job?” You’re a little incredulous at that.
“I don’t know, I just didn’t like the idea of you and that guy…” Vernon starts and stops. Chirron, thankfully on the edge of the booth, gets up then.
“We need some supplies before we leave here. I’ll go grab them,” he says and leaves before either you or Vernon can object.
“What was the first rule, Vernon?” you ask when the silence gets too deafening.
“That we finish jobs by any means necessary, I know,” he huffs out.
“No, the real first rule. When I agreed to help you,” you prompt, voice soft. He finally looks up at you. He knows and doesn’t want to say. “That, no matter what, you had to listen to what I told you.”
“I know,” he answers like a defeated man.
“Then why didn’t you?” you press.
“I don’t know,” he admits. “I just…I knew you were about to go into that back room with that guy and I knew how far you’d be willing to go to get what we need and it just…it made me mad.”
“Mad?” you ask. “Why are you mad?”
Vernon is frustrated, you recognize it immediately. Not because of what you did, or not entirely, at least. He’s frustrated because he’s feeling an emotion that he doesn’t understand and doesn’t know how to describe. This isn’t the first time you’ll have to walk him through sorting it out. But it is the first time you’re not sure if you can. You’re nervous about what he’s feeling and why. Nervous about what he’s going to say. Nervous about what he’s actually feeling.
“I don’t know,” he admits. He’s frustrated. He doesn’t like not understanding how he’s feeling. “I just, I had this feeling in my stomach when you started making plans with that guy and I didn’t like it.”
“That’s understandable,” you offer.
“Is it?” His question comes quickly. “I wanted to, I don’t know, I wanted to tell him to get lost or just tell us what we needed to know but stop looking at you like you’re a meal. Or like you’re something to win. You’re not a thing, you’re a person.”
You’re relieved, mostly, because you think you can identify this emotion in a way that doesn’t complicate an already overly complicated situation. Your smile at him is soft, sofer than he’s seen on you since you left the break between jobs. Softer than you give to anyone on jobs and far more genuine. “Yeah, it is understandable. It just means you care, you’re protective over me.”
Vernon seems to consider this for a second like he’s not entirely sure that’s it. Seems to want to say something else. “I do care about you.”
“I know you do,” you say.
“I don’t like feeling like this, like I want to protect you and I know that I can’t,” he admits.
“It’s tough,” you agree and then decide to admit something. “I feel that way about you, too.”
“You do?” Vernon looks hopeful, like you understand.
“Course I do,” you say easily. “I feel, I’m not sure, responsible for you, I guess. Like I threw you into this life without much choice and I worry that I’m putting you in more danger than when you ran onto the ship in the first place.”
“You’re not.” He’s quick to reassure you. “Life in the last month or two with you has been better than my entire existence up to meeting you.”
That shouldn’t warm your heart, shouldn’t make it beat irregularly, shouldn’t make you feel something more than just the care you mentioned. It does, though. It’s making you feel a lot of things that you really don’t need to be feeling.
In contrast, Vernon seems much lighter. It seems like he’s relieved by understanding the care he feels for you is normal and relieved he could let you know how good things have been since he met you. It doesn’t go deeper for him, at least not now. Not when you gave him a simple name for the emotion. You don’t think he realizes that you’re in your head about the entire conversation and what this means for the two of you going forward. You don’t think he realizes that there’s another emotional explanation for his reaction and you’re not going to tell him.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
Vernon thinks about that conversation with you a lot over the next several weeks of missions. He thinks about how he felt watching you make plans to go somewhere private with a person that you called a mark. He thinks about the feelings that boiled up inside of him that he described as anger when they felt like much more. He thinks of the way you react to him almost ruining a mission and how you reacted to him after you got back. He tries not to think about what you did while he waited in too much silence on the ship with Chirron.
He spends the most time thinking about what you didn’t say. Even though he’s not sure what it was, he knows there’s something. Your face can be really expressive when your guard is down, as it usually is around him and Chirron. Part of him wants to think he reacted the way he did only because he cares about you in the same way that Chirron does. That you’re a team, some kind of weird version of a family that protects each other. But then he remembers how you went quiet after he accepted, with relief, the idea that it was only caring about you. Too many times, he finds himself wanting to ask what you didn’t say.
The three of you all agree that he should stay on the ship more during those kinds of missions. There’s really no reason for you all to be off the ship, anyway. You’re usually the only one that interacts with people like that, the only one that seems comfortable putting yourself out there like that. Vernon hates that you feel like you have to take those jobs, hates that you’re willing to go to those lengths. Although you tell him a lot, he doesn’t know that you don’t mind that part of it. That you don’t see yourself as someone that forms actual romantic attachments, that sex is just sex for you. Just another part of life.
It’s another mission where you think you may need to get close to a mark, another mission where you think you may need a back room without prying eyes. Whatever that means. This time, Chirron offers to stay on the ship with Vernon. He says it’s because there’s some things he needs to work on, but Vernon sees it for what it is. He doesn’t want to leave the newest team member alone. Chirron is much more perceptive than anyone gives him credit for.
“You know, I never asked you,” Chirron starts, causing Vernon to look up from the transponder he’s fiddling with. “What were you hoping for when you ran onto our ship?”
Vernon considers this for a moment. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet also feels like it was just yesterday. “I’m not sure. I think I just hoped that I could catch my breath long enough to figure out my next move.”
“Not join a team that takes on illegal jobs across the galaxy?” Chirron asks, that dry humor surfacing again.
“No,” Vernon agrees with a small chuckle.
“Why do you stay?” Chirron wonders.
“Trying to get rid of me?” Vernon asks in response.
“No,” Chirron answers immediately. “No, having you around has been good for her. For both of us, really. I’m just curious about why you stay when you don’t have to. Is it just because you don’t have anywhere else to go?”
Vernon, thankfully, is used to Chirron’s way of speaking. So he knows there’s nothing malicious behind the question, only curiosity.
“No, it’s not that. Not that I have some idea of where to go beyond that one sanctuary planet I’ve heard of,” Vernon says. “I like being around both of you. It feels like I belong? I haven’t felt like this before. It’s nice. Kind of like a feeling of being warm all over.”
“I’m glad,” Chirron says genuinely.
“I don’t like this part though,” Vernon says and shifts in his seat again.
“The waiting?” Chirron wonders, but there’s something on his face that Vernon can’t place. Thankfully, he carries on. “Or the waiting when you know what she’s doing?”
Vernon frowns at that. He’s still not sure he has the right name for this feeling. “Why does she put herself in positions like this?”
Chirron shrugs. “Don’t know. I’ve tried to tell her that some jobs aren’t worth it, but it’s like she has to prove something. To who, I’m not sure.”
“You don’t stop her, though,” Vernon observes.
“No, I don’t,” he agrees.
“Why?” Vernon presses.
“Because, as you saw on that mission a few weeks ago when she sent us away, she’s going to do it anyway. I know the difference between when something is actually dangerous and when it’s just not what I would do. So I let her go unless it’s actually dangerous,” Chirron says.
“It still doesn’t feel good,” Vernon admits.
“No, because you care about her,” Chirron says like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
“Of course I do, I care about both of you,” Vernon says. “You care about her too.”
“I do,” Chirron agrees and that look is back, “but not the same way as you do, I don’t think.”
“Are there multiple ways to care for someone?” Vernon asks.
Chirron chuckles, a low, comforting sound. “Of course. There’s the way her and I care about each other, like family. Like someone that could drive you absolutely insane, but you still love them and you’d still be there for them in a friendly way.”
“And what’s the other way?” Vernon wonders.
“Caring about them like you have feelings for them. Like they’re the first one on your mind when you wake up or the last one on your mind before you go to sleep. Like you just want to be around them and feel a little empty when you’re not. Like you’re not entirely sure what you’d do if one day they just weren’t there anymore,” Chirron explains.
“Oh,” is all Vernon can say.
“I don’t know how you feel, or how she feels, but it doesn’t seem like just the kind of caring like it is between her and I,” Chirron says. “I love her and I’d do anything to protect her, but I don’t have feelings for her.”
“Do I?” Vernon asks quietly.
“I don’t know, only you can figure that out,” Chirron says.
Feelings are difficult, Vernon thinks as he contemplates Chirron’s explanation. Every time he thinks that he’s got a handle on them, something else comes up to throw him for a loop. His body almost relaxes to help the fact that his mind is going entirely too fast. Chirron, seeming to sense that he gave Vernon a lot to think about, goes back to what he was working on before the conversation.
It’s easy to be around Chirron, something Vernon has known since the beginning. But now he realizes that it’s easy in an entirely different way than being around you. With Chirron, there’s a comfort and a familiarity and definitely a care. Just like he describes feeling about you. With you, it’s entirely different. Vernon finds himself wondering about your past, wanting to know every detail even though you’ve shared a lot. He wants to know what you think, especially when you go silent. What thoughts are you keeping to yourself and why don’t you want to share them?
The worst, though, is easily the way Vernon feels when you’re off on your own like this. He’s not sure how to put it into words or how to even Chirron about it. Or if he even wants to ask Chirron about it. He just knows that he doesn’t like it, that it makes him feel unsteady and unfocused. That he makes mistakes on whatever he’s working on when he thinks of this aspect of the jobs. It’s like he wants to lash out at the marks or the clients that hire them in the first place. He wants to let these people know that you’re not actually interested in them. That it’s only for work. But is that true?
“Chirron, can I ask you something?” Vernon finally asks.
“Sure,” Chirron says. He’s much more relaxed around Vernon, probably because he doesn’t try to rile Chirron up.
“I’ve got this feeling that I’m not sure about, it pops up when we’re on missions like these,” Vernon begins before outlining just how he feels when he thinks about what you’re doing.
Chirron is quiet, thoughtful as he listens, giving Vernon his full attention. He lets Vernon finish uninterrupted before he’s quiet for a second. “Well, it sounds like jealousy.”
“Jealous of who? Of her?” Vernon asks. He knows what jealousy is, just like every other emotion, because it’s simply knowledge of the existence of emotions. He doesn’t know how it feels though, not really. Like every other emotion, it’s something he’s had to learn as he goes.
“Of the people she’s with,” Chirron answers, amused.
“Why would I be jealous of them?” Vernon asks.
“I can’t tell you the why, Vernon, you know that,” Chirron says without any hint of frustration. “I can just say what it sounds like. Which is that you’re jealous she’s behind closed doors with someone other than you.”
“You think I want…to do that, I don’t even know…I’m not sure how something like that would even work,” Vernon splutters, tripping over his words worse than he’s done in a while.
Chirron takes pity on him and only gives him a sympathetic look. It allows Vernon to gather his thoughts before he says anything else. A blessing, actually, because a minute later, the door opens to allow you back onto the ship. You look a little like you’ve been up to something that Vernon doesn’t really want to consider. Like you tried to straighten yourself out again, but couldn’t quite get everything. Thankfully, you don’t seem to notice the tension in the air and just immediately go to pull out something to eat. Life moves on for you like nothing else happened.
Thankfully, Vernon can pretend he’s working on reprogramming a communicator, something he needs to do for a job anyway, and stay back away from the cockpit of the ship. He also knows that you’ll eat up there with Chirron to talk about how things went. To talk through the finer details of the information you were able to extract. You don’t talk to Vernon about those details and he doesn’t stop to think about why. He’s just glad you don’t. Not that you go into explicit detail with Chirron. It’s just…well maybe Chirron is right. Maybe Vernon is jealous because he’s got deeper feelings for you.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
It’s supposed to be easy. That’s what you say. You don’t take on jobs that would put the team at too much of a risk and you don’t ask them to do anything they don’t want to do. You haven’t even taken on a job recently where you’d have to leave Vernon and Chirron on the ship while you entertained a mark. This is an exception, you say, too good of a job to pass up given that it should be simple. So simple.
Vernon makes it back to the ship before Chirron does, which makes sense. All Vernon had to do was meet with one of your contacts to swap out some tech he’d been using. After all this time, Vernon isn’t entirely sure what Chirron does when he’s off the ship. He asked once and didn’t get a straight answer. You shrugged it off and said that Chirron does a lot of things, some of which you don’t even know or understand. When you didn’t seem concerned, Vernon let it go as well.
Once Chirron gets back, Vernon pays more attention to the feeling in his stomach since you agreed to this mission. Something just feels…off. Not right. He’s trying not to dwell too much on it because he’s very aware it might be, at least in part, due to his feelings for you. Feelings that he now very much recognizes are real. Whatever that means for him. He hates watching you walk away when he thinks about what you’ll be doing. And he agrees it’s best for him to stay on the ship rather than risk blowing the mission.
Except…well now he’s actually getting worried. It’s been too long since you left the ship, longer than usual. Long enough that even Chirron doesn’t shoot Vernon down when he brings up his concern. Which only serves to concern Vernon more because Chirron is almost always level. Even now, only his eyes give anything away when Vernon mentions just how long it’s been since you left the ship. After several minutes of back and forth, Chirron agrees that it should be Vernon that leaves the ship to try and find anything out about you. As much as Chirron tries to stay in the shadows, he’s been working with you for years now and people automatically associate him with you.
So Vernon enters the building, manages to figure out where you had gone without raising any suspicions. After all, your reputation for chasing after pleasure proceeds you. Something Vernon is cursing himself for even considering. The thought flies out as soon as he’s in the room and he sees you lying on the couch, covered in cuts and bruises, only half-dressed. He’s beside you in what feels like a second, checking to make sure he feels a pulse. But, up close he can hear your slightly labored breaths. It could be worse, he reminds himself, as he gets you dressed and wraps you up. He doesn’t want it to be obvious just how beaten up you are before he’s had time to think. Or to consider what you’d do in this situation. Everything in him shuts down apart from the need to get you out a back door and onto the ship as quickly as possible.
Back on the ship, Vernon collapses into the booth while Chirron takes over and takes you into the sleeping cabin. Thankfully, Chirron knows enough basic First Aid that he’ll be able to patch you up before taking you to see a professional. Someone that you and Chirron trust enough to take you there. But, for now, he’s cleaning your wounds and wrapping you up as best he can. Vernon knows he should be helping, knows that an extra set of hands would help. He just…can’t. Can’t seem to find the strength to see you in this condition. He’s just amazed he got you back to the ship without losing it or without anyone seeing you. And thankful, so very thankful, that Chirron is keeping it together.
Without a word, Chirron emerges from the sleep cabin and heads straight for the front of the ship. Vernon’s barely even sat down in your usual seat before the ship takes off. Chirron doesn’t fly too high, he’s just going to a different part of the planet. That’s what he said when he said that you and him knew someone that could help. It both feels like an eternity and no time at all when the ship lands again. Vernon expects to help you off the ship. Instead, Chirron tells him to stay put, that he’ll be back.
Doc, that’s what Chirron calls him, looks like a man that’s aged beyond his actual years. He looks like he’s seen more than most people would over several lifetimes. Yet, he seems kind. Seems like he could be anyone’s father or uncle. This time, Vernon does actually follow them back to the sleep cabin, careful to stay out of the way. Doc starts taking stock of you and attaching a number of devices to various parts of your body. They start beeping and it should calm Vernon, because at least something is happening. They don’t, though. All he can think is that you shouldn’t have been in this position in the first place. This was the wrong job to take.
Vernon’s learned a lot about emotions during the time with you and Chirron, a lot more than he learned in all his time before. He knows, now more than ever, that he cares about you far beyond just being friends. He knows that he’s never felt this kind of fear. Knows that he can’t be still, even for a second. It’s always been like this, Vernon has always suffered from restlessness. It’s a million times worse now. And it’s getting in the way of your care. Somewhere in his pacing and mumbling, something he doesn’t even realize he’s doing, Chirron sends him away. Doc gives him a sympathetic look, like he understands, before turning back to you.
It’s not any easier to be outside of the sleep cabin because Vernon can still hear everything that’s happening. The entire ship is silent except for the work Doc is doing. Not seeing what’s happening is even worse and Vernon’s restlessness turns into something more like anxiety. He can’t imagine going on without you. Not that anyone has said that would be a possibility. In fact, Doc seems to think you’ll be fine in no time. Most of the injuries are merely surface level. Chirron comes back out with a list of things that they need and tells Vernon to go take care of it. It’ll help you and help him in the process. He’s not doing anyone any good in the state he’s in now.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
It takes a few days, but you’re mostly back to your normal self. The worst part, for you, is that you fractured one of your ribs. So that means rest, Doc’s orders. Vernon was happy to hear it because it meant that you had no choice but to take a break. Chirron seemed pleased as well, saying once Doc was off the ship, he’d take you back to the homebase.
You, however, wake up back home and seem irritated. Remind both Vernon and Chirron that you still have a job to do. Can’t seem to wrap your head around your injuries or the severity of the situation. That’s the first time that Vernon sees Chirron raise his voice with you. It’s the first time he sees the usually calm force standing firm in his position. You’re on bedrest for now so that you can actually heal. Together, you can all figure out what to tell the client. But your health is most important or it’ll be a lot longer than a matter of weeks that you’re out of commission.
Vernon doesn’t get to listen in on the conversation about what happened. It’s Chirron’s decision, saying that he thinks it’ll just be easier. So Vernon doesn’t know what happened, not really. Sure, he can guess and probably paint at least a picture. Does he really want to know, though? He’s not sure. He doesn’t want the details of just how you were going to get the information, so maybe it’s better like this. What he does need, though, is to talk to you. Chirron gives him that chance as soon as he can, which Vernon is thankful for.
“You look better,” Vernon says after a light knock on your door frame.
You laugh lightly and Vernon worries for a second, but you seem fine. “Wow, you really know how to butter a girl up.”
“I was worried about you,” Vernon says as he crosses to sit in the chair next to your bed.
“It takes a lot more than that guy to take me down for real, sweetheart,” you offer.
Vernon’s jaw clenches. “Still.”
“Hey,” you say and reach out to take his hand. “I’m really okay. I’ve had worse than this, I promise.”
“You think that makes me feel better?” Vernon wonders with a shake of his head.
“This is a dangerous line of work,” you say.
“I’m aware of that,” Vernon answers.
“What’s really on your mind? Chirron’s worried about you,” you admit.
“We could have lost you,” Vernon says, barely more than a whisper. “I could have lost you.”
“But you didn’t,” you say gently.
“But I could have and it’s like,” Vernon presses, pausing to think of the right word. “It’s like you don’t even care. Like it’s all a joke.”
“Of course I care, Nonie,” you say. Vernon tries, and fails, to stop his heart from skipping over the nickname that falls so easily from your lips. “This is the job, I know you and Chirron were worried about what was going to happen to me…”
“This isn’t about Chirron,” Vernon snaps and you pull your hand away from his.
“What is it about?” you ask, guard up.
“It’s about me almost losing you. About me feeling something that I didn’t even think I was capable of feeling and then worrying I’d lose you before I ever got to tell you,” Vernon says.
“Vernon, I don’t think…” you start again, only to fall silent at whatever look you see in his eyes.
“I know it sounds crazy, I know what I am,” Vernon says without meeting your gaze. “We were never supposed to be more than robots. I’ve heard it all. Nobody ever could have predicted that we’d get a consciousness. Nobody seems to know what that even means or what it is. I just know that I ran from the only other beings that I’ve ever known straight onto your ship. And I thought it’d be scary or I’d regret it, but I don’t. You taught me and guided me without making me feel less than. I was teetering on the edge of way too much…whatever this restlessness is. You were like a balm for that.”
“I’m glad,” you say, voice just as quiet. “It’s easy to be around you, Vernon. I’m glad you feel at ease here.”
“I don’t understand how…feelings work or what they mean, not when it comes to what I feel for you,” Vernon says. He looks at you, so hopeful. “Maybe we can figure it out together.”
“Vernon, I’m not…I don’t think I’m built for something like that,” you say, pleading for him to understand.
“You don’t care about me?” Vernon wonders.
“No, of course I do,” you disagree. “I just…I don’t know what I really feel either. I just know relationships, they’ve never been what I sought out. They get too complicated in this line of work where anything can happen.”
“So leave,” Vernon offers, like it’s so easy.
“Leave?” you question.
“Yes, quit doing this kind of work. Leave and start a new life away from all of this,” Vernon pleads.
“And what? Just abandon Chirron?” you ask angrily.
“Of course not,” Vernon retorts. “You and I both know that he only stays because you’re family to him. He doesn’t want to do this forever.”
“Is that what you and him talk about when I’m off the ship getting information?” You’re angry now, but Vernon thinks he’s a little annoyed too.
“No,” Vernon says. “The only time we’ve talked about you is when he helped me process what I was feeling. I just, it doesn’t take some kind of genius to see he stays because he cares about you.”
“This is the only life I’ve ever known,” you say, anger subsiding to be replaced by you looking smaller than ever before.
“No it’s not,” Vernon disagrees. “You told me about your family.”
“Don’t bring them up,” you caution.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, surely you see that,” Vernon pleads again.
“If I say no, will you stay? Or are you asking me to choose between you and this entire network I’ve built over years?” As soon as you say it, Vernon knows he’s lost. Knows that you’ve already made up your mind.
“I’m not asking you to choose anything,” Vernon says. “But I’m not going to continue to watch someone that I care this deeply about put herself in so much danger. So you don’t have to leave this life. I’m done, though.”
“What?” You look like you’ve been smacked.
“I’m done,” Vernon repeats. “I can’t go on like this. I can’t feel the way I do every time you leave the ship. I can’t keep wondering if I’m going to find you in an even worse position. So, I’m leaving. I’d love for you to come with me, but you’ve made your position clear.”
“So, that’s it?” you ask.
“That’s it,” Vernon confirms.
He leaves the room for long enough to say his goodbyes to Chirron, who doesn’t seem surprised that it’s going like this. He’s sad, for sure. Vernon knows what he said was true, Chirron would leave if he could, but he won’t leave you alone. The two of you are family and Vernon’s thankful that you’ll still have someone to depend on.
There’s nothing left to say to you, nothing but all the things left unsaid. Things that he wishes he could say and things he knows you want to say. Things neither of you will say to the other. Which is fine. It has to be. Vernon has gotten a crash course in humanity, so he tries to squash down the disappointment when he says goodbye to Chirron and you don’t even bother trying to stop him. Barely registers Chirron asking where he’s going. Truthfully, he doesn’t have a plan, so he blurts out the first thing to come to mind. He’s heard of another planet, he thinks it’s called Lumen, that’s something of a sanctuary planet. He’s going to need time to get things together before he can depart. This isn’t something he’d really thought would happen. For the time being, he’s going to stay with another of your contacts that he’s worked closely with since joining the team. One of the only other beings that he trusts apart from you and Chirron.
Just like that, he’s out the door without a backward glance to see that you got as far as your door. Without seeing the way your face falls at him leaving. Without seeing the way Chirron shakes his head at the situation. But you don’t call out, don’t try to stop him. You just let him go like there aren’t any other options.
*+:★:+━━━+:★:+━━━+:★:+*
It takes a couple weeks to arrange the transport (and Chirron helping Vernon out by sending credits and outstanding favors to cash in along without you knowing) to Lumen. He stays with a contact he met while working with you that knows someone named San. That’s where the idea of Lumen comes up. It seems like there’s a chance Vernon’s other members are there. And if Vernon has a chance to see them again, he has to take it. Even though he wants to see them all, he really hopes Seungcheol is there. If not for the leader, none of them would have been able to escape.
Vernon gets a last message to Chirron to let him know that he’s leaving in two days. Somewhere in the back of his brain, Vernon hopes that Chirron will share the message with you and maybe you’ll say goodbye. You don’t. Even though Vernon wants to be upset, and he is, he’s still thankful that Chirron helped in the first place. He knows that without that help, he wouldn’t be able to get on a ship to Lumen.
The journey itself is uneventful. Vernon’s spent enough time on your ship to be used to the travel, but he’s still worried initially that something will go wrong. It’s got him a bit on edge, to say the least. Until he realizes that this isn’t one of your jobs, this is just a regularly scheduled trip to Lumen that the ship was taking anyway. The only difference is one extra passenger. It’s not until they approach the planet’s atmosphere that he starts to get nervous again. The crew agreed that Lumen seems to be a sanctuary planet, and that’s great. It’s just, well Vernon hasn’t really considered what to do when they land.
The planet is beautiful, like what it seems like Earth looked like before, at least from pictures he’s seen. There’s so much life and color everywhere that immediately puts him at ease. He’s still skeptical, how could he not be? But there’s also a sense of immediate relief that washes over him. WIthout even realizing it, he thinks that this is home. At the dock, he inquires about a place to stay, hesitantly admits that he’s a level 1 automaton, and says he doesn’t have many credits to barter with. What he’s not prepared for is the smiles that form instantly. Someone tells him about a house that he might be interested in and gives him directions.
It’s not long before he’s approaching the large house, far bigger than he’s expecting it to be. This is definitely too much for him to stay in when he’s not sure how he’s going to afford anything. It’s then that he notices someone working in a garden, tending to plants. They look up and smile the second they see Vernon. He can’t quite hear what they say when they turn to look over their shoulder.
And that’s when Vernon’s entire world shifts. The very one he’d been hoping to see comes out from behind the house and erupts into a smile. They’re both moving towards each other, neither quite believing the sight before their eyes.
“Vernon?” he asks.
“Seungcheol,” Vernon says with so much affection for his leader.
“Welcome home,” Seungcheol says and hugs him.
Home. This can be home. Maybe it’ll all be okay. Maybe this is where Vernon was meant to end up all along and maybe working with you and Chirron had just been a stop along the way.
i'm sorry for leaving it open like that at the end, but it's kind of what felt the most realistic for them. i hope you enjoyed it and check out all the amazing fics 💕
#vernon x reader#vernon imagines#svthub#kvanity#vernon scenarios#vernon au#vernon angst#seventeen x reader#seventeen imagines#seventeen angst#vernon x you#sci fi au
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I think I've never detailed your website until now, it is incredibly organized! As an artist who knows only the basics of programming and creating webpages, but is very interested in having one, may I ask, what site hosting do you use? or which one do you recommend? i don't really know anything about that. I would love to see the resurgence of the personal website/ blog.
Thank you!! My website and the infrastructure I've built surrounding it is my pride and joy! More and more lately I've come to appreciate the security it's given during these trying internet times.
I use Wordpress and a drag-and-drop builder called Live Composer (I wouldn't recommend it over its competitor, only because Live Composer has very bad documentation). My hosting is SiteGround. All those tools are stuff I adopted 10 years ago, since I started The World in Deeper Inspection. This way of using Wordpress - being accessible but labyrinthe and too-much - suits me, probably because my personality is like this too.
But a lot of people want something simpler. I'd recommend pursuing resources from MelonLand, The Cheapskate's Guide and Sadgrl to get started. They are more for static site generation, of the neocities type. And in their simplicity, they offer you more control compared to my set-up. They are also part of a movement called the Indie Web or Retro Web, which I consider myself a part of mentally and spiritually, if not fully. These are folks who are bringing back blogs, webrings, web surfing, and all the ways that made the internet fun and fresh back then.
If my website seems super organised, it's less about the tools used and more due to the thinking I have developed for it - coming up with an approach of how I want to be presented online, imagining my ideal site experience and implementing it, as well as solving the problem of having both a Professional Site + a Casual Personal Online Home under the same URL. Here's a blog post I made recently about A Personal Website VS A Portfolio, and an older post, Site Revamp + Artist Sites Should Be More Fun Maybe?, that describes my website/internet philosophies. From those two, the main point to take away is that establishing the landing page as a signpost that allows the visitor to choose their destination solved basically my problem of profesional/personal separation.
TLDR I have a lot of thoughts about making artist websites and returning to the independent web!! This has been a 3 years journey for me!!!
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Update
Not feeling so hot and I'm not going to do anything impulsive at 8PM on a Friday evening but
here is a link to a sfs folder with ALL of my content that's currently only hosted on patreon.
I want to add individual sfs links to the tumblr posts but that's a lot and I'm now regretting never adding alt dl links this whole time... and sorry I don't think the downloads in the sfs folder are in order... it also might be some other things, like fixed meshes or stuff. tbh I just added everything I've made after April 3rd 2023 since that was the last time I uploaded anything to sfs.
I guess while I'm here... I was going to wait until after I finish up the last of my active requests (probably by Monday, I'm almost done) but I desperately need a break from CC. I sent a group message on the 17th to my $4 and $6 patrons encouraging them to cancel, but I know not everybody knows patreon even has dms so maybe you'll see this post and I'll reach out again in the coming days so nobody is wasting their money. I am so immensely burnt out and I need to not create for a while. This is completely my own fault, nobody made me work on CC for 8-10 hours 5 days a week for the last several months and I fully knew it wasn't sustainable ages ago but I kept doing it because it made me feel good, until it didn't. Quite honestly, even before I sent the group message the instant wave of relief I felt just having made the decision to take a break... that caught me off guard but just confirmed I need this. I do feel really awful about it because I feel like I'm letting people down but at the same time I don't want to hate creating which was already happening. That being said, I don't know how long the lull in CC is going to be, and if you're only following me strictly for CC I apologize. As said I am still finishing up one request I still had, I'm about 75% done with that as of this post. But that's gonna be it for a while.
There is a part of me that wants to stop using patreon completely and unpublish my creator page (which is what I'm not going to impulsively do tonight without properly thinking it through...since there are positives like how easy it is to download files and whatnot) but I'd again encourage not only those who joined the $4 and $6 tiers but also the $2 tier to cancel so that you aren't wasting your money. If I did do this I would definitely do the individual sfs links on everything first. I'd not just leave you guys unable to download my stuff.
So, what does that mean for this blog? I'll spare ye, impatient readers, who have already read a lot because I ramble⬇️
Well, as of posting this I still have THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR Strangetown posts in my queue. And I'm not tired of playing that.
I'm looking forward to having an opportunity to do all of the things I've been neglecting. I'm finally going to go through the subfolder within my downloads of everything I'm downloaded the last few months and decide if I wanna keep it in my game or not. And finish default replacing everything. And all my other various little projects I haven't been doing.
Also, I want to start playing Veronaville 😮I've already started downloading lots from kattaty to replace the in-game ones, and I found a cool replacement for the neighborhood map. I am leaning towards making a new sub-blog for this so that you don't have to try and follow Strangetown/LFT posts and Veronaville/ALT posts at the same time. I've only ever played the Veronaville sims for like one day as part of a super failed megahood years ago so I'd like to get to know them.
So basically, I guess I'm a gameplay blog for now? Until I want to create anything again anyways, but I don't know when that will be.
I don't know how to end this post... I'm sorry for the disappointment, but thank you so much for enjoying my stuff 💛💛
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I was stunned to find the number of people in the tech industry who are all-in on the theory of scientific racism and eugenics. They've been out about that for years, though.
There's a sort of complex where this was the birth of, whether you want to call it the intellectual dark web, I think that was the moment there. They've sort of been radicalized gradually, as happens with these things, where they started with, like, Slate Star Codex was a really big key central point for them to gather and sort of say, well, we have to interrogate and question a lot of these (egalitarian) assumptions. They were very actively courted by the neo-reactionary movement.
So you have things like Peter Teal holding dinner parties with the founders of the movement, and sort of people who have explicitly endorsed slavery, explicitly endorsed disenfranchising women, and people of any non-male gender from being able to vote.
And I always resent it because I sound like a crazy person by just merely accurately describing what they have publicly said. I sound like a conspiracy theorist who's pinning up red strings on a cork board by literally being like, “This is a thing they said out loud, in public, multiple times.” And people are like, “There's no way.” And I'm like, I don't know what to tell you, but it's all out there. We have receipts for ten years.
They are way out there, and they have an explicit agenda of normalizing, really radical, really hateful agendas.
And for me, it's like, it's just a very simple thing.
It's like I have to care about my kid’s safety. I have to care about my friend's safety, I have to care about, you know, basic moral values that we used to agree on.
And that's the other thing too, is because I knew these people 10 and 20 years ago. Like the first blog that Marc Andreessen ever had, I set up. It was on a platform I helped build. So I know that there was a point in which, at least from the public visible face, this was once a reasonable person. And for them to embrace the sheer intellectual dishonesty, along with the hatred… the fact that they're just like, they don't care that they're lying because it's an effective tool to get what they want.
That stuff is… I don't know.
It really soured me on the traditional tech industry.
This is what their tech is for. The things they fund are meant to carry out their agenda.
Let me give you a clear example: To the people who believe in this extremist racist ideology, Elon Musk being willing to lose tens of billions of dollars in value of his own money, presumably, in Twitter, turning into “X,” is a principled person who puts his values ahead of the dollar. He is so committed to advancing this reactionary movement that he's willing to forego tens of billions of dollars of personal wealth in order to advance it.
And what rational people see as the destruction of Twitter is rather, the destruction of the ability for anybody to ever again make a Black Lives Matter hashtag, or to make a Me Too hashtag. And that is because he's not a dumb person. Like the thing that a lot of progressives and reasonable people want to just say, well, he's racist and evil, so he must be dumb.
He's not a dumb person.
Peter Thiel's not a dumb person.
So if we assume they're smart people who understand how systems work and have virtually unlimited resources, then why would they choose to do this?
Well, there must be a reason.
And there is a reason.
It's just one we don't like to confront.
Even more insidious is the fact that these tech moguls own huge companies with enormous influence, and wielding that kind of power over their employees creates a herd mentality within their workforces.
So if, for example, Facebook's board includes both Peter Thiel and Mark Andreessen. They don't have to give somebody an order to say what kind of content they want to promote on the newsfeed, on Facebook.
Everybody who works there knows this is who our bosses are. This is what we got to do, because they're smart. Everybody's smart, everybody's very reasonable.
And so you don't have to imagine, like I said, I don't have to be a conspiracy theorist that's putting up some red strings on a cork board to connect the dots and whatever. You're like, “Oh, I'm a midlevel product manager at a company. I'd like to make a name for myself and make the share price go up. And I know the boss's boss has been on every podcast in the world saying we need to promote more voices that are calling for ethnic cleansing,” okay?
Message received.
That's what a person who has no moral context would do. And there are a cohort of people in the technology industry that have come up entirely consuming media owned and created by these people, because they know the programming site Hacker News, which is owned by a venture capital firm and run by Paul Graham, is one of these guys.
They read blogs written explicitly by these guys. They consume it. They were on clubhouse. They're in a Discord chat with others that are sort of buying the stuff. They have a full wraparound media bubble. If they just read substacks and listen to the blog posts or read the blog posts from these folks, you can have what feels like an entire media diet shaped solely by this dialogue.
And this is why they're trying to own the media outlets and the distribution, like Twitter, alongside owning the platforms. And the fact that they can control more parts of society, right? The leverage of owning the distribution networks, the leverage of owning media outlets, the leverage of owning the platforms is very, very different, because we do have a lot of historical precedent.
If we go back 100 years ago and we say you're reeling from coming out of a pandemic, you are reeling from economic precarity and inequality at unprecedented levels, and you see the rise of, again, a direct parallel, virulent antisemitism. And you have things like the oil barons giving way to the Henry Fords of the world, the labor crackdown of the Pinkertons, Ford's embrace of, you know, to the point where he's pen pals with Hitler, and IBM building the technology.
The first person that ever asked me to do technology work for him was a neighbor of ours, and he had a tattoo on his wrist. And I was a little kid and didn't know what it meant. And I asked him what it was. It was his concentration camp tatoo. And what people don't realize is those are database entries in an IBM database.
And IBM's stance at the time was that they were neutral.
This is what technology does to enable the rise of fascism and victimization around the world. And we have a direct precedent less than 100 years ago, of how these technologies are used.
And I don't say that lightly.
I'm not saying we're there yet, but that is how you get there. And I would be surprised if the pattern doesn't play out in some ways, in terms of if you have tycoons of industry at a moment when the world is reckoning with massive social change, cultural change, along with recovering from things like economic destruction, inequality and pandemics… And you have rising military threats around the world.
That is exactly where we were a century ago.
—ANIL DASH shares his thoughts and experiences on Richard Hanania and rampant neo-fascism in Silicon Valley
#anil dash#richard hanania#peter thiel#elon musk#silicon valley#eugenics#fascism#twitter#white supremacy#antisemitism#racism#anti blackness#misogyny#transphobia#homophobia#conservatism#libertarianism#libertarians
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Progress Update on Melodi
Hello, everyone!
Happy New Year!
On December 15th 2023, I made the public announcement that Lil Miss Rarity will receive no further comic updates from me, finally confirming a common theory that I had lost the will to continue creating it. Lil Miss Rarity, just to confirm here, is now public domain and I encourage fan-blogs and will proverbially pass the torch to anyone who would like to take up the mantle.
It wasn't an easy decision to make because of how many times I'd promised I would never stop updating it, and I did in fact have future plans for it (I will be making a video on YouTube describing how I'd planned to continue the story, and how I would have ended it if I ever did).
But in its wake came Melodi, a spiritual successor to Lil Miss Rarity, and I've decided that a story-driven video game with ongoing updates would be the smartest decision, at least for the introduction to the series.
And so along came this twiggy elf. (Important note: Her booby size on her sprite is exaggerated, same as her head size. The in-game art for cutscenes will show more proper body proportions.)
Melodi is now just four directional (diagonal movement) sprite animations away from being a complete character sprite, which means creating a proof of concept will be just a matter of time.
As of today, I have completed:
The intro cutscene for the game, leading to the introduction of Melodi and her teacher, Eliah Sterium (Multiple full color images accompany that cutscene)
Seven unique songs entirely composed by myself (Literally learned how to make music a week ago just for this project)
Four directional movement sprites consisting of 6 frames of pixel animation each direction (Including separating each part to make them usable for other characters' sprites)
Four directional idle animations consisting of 6 frames of animation each direction (Again, making paperdolls to use later for other characters)
A discord server for the ongoing production of Melodi RPG where I'll be answering questions, including answering as the characters from the game similar to the LMR ask-blog
27 (just counted) preliminary sketches to flesh out character designs and have reference for myself
Eliah Sterium's design, making the ladies go gaga
Mountains of lore (a lot of which can be found in the Discord's lore channels)
Personalities for the primary cast of deadbeat magic school students
Art for the title screen
The entire storyboard for Episode 1 and Episode 2
The pricing model for the game (Episode 1 will be a free demo, and all remaining episodes will be bundled together in a $10 purchase)
The "Pet Cwow" option on the Quit Game menu and what happens when you pet him (You'll see)
The entire intro in-engine (Screencapped above with Eliah there)
Many new fans/friends who've introduced themselves in the Discord
And, I have received (on December 31st) my very first negative review of the game, which I will cherish. Someone who knew nothing other than "It's a game about an elf who goes psychotic" and saw the title art said that the game was basically doomed to fail because Melodi has large breasts, to which I replied "Imagine being this fucking butthurt over tits existing" which set him off into an obnoxious and insulting rage that ended with "Enjoy nothing but horny virgins playing your game and ignoring the dog water, generic ass story." A quote that I will never, ever, ever forget, and if I someday make a physical release of the game, I promise you, that quote will be on the back of the box.
There's even more than just all this, I've already sunk tons of hours of time and effort into the production of Melodi and I am super excited to continue.
I want to thank everyone for the support of the game so far, and I hope once people know more about the story and characters, the game sees the same kind of fandom that Lil Miss Rarity once had.
Luv you all
~Jay Tonique
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December Creator of the Month:
Oh-So-Youre-a-Nerd
Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is @oh-so-youre-a-nerd . We're very excited because Ascindio is our very first artist to be highlighted! We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.
Quick Links:
Tumblr Blog
Instagram
How do you want to be known on Tumblr?
Ascindio
More below...
1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?
I started playing in 2016, I can't remember if I read Endless Summer or Rules of Engagement first, but I ended up deleting the app after like 2 weeks cause I couldn't stop buying diamonds 😅🤦
I re-downloaded it about, ohh idk 2 years ago?
2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?
I joined the Fandom specifically on Tumblr and specifically for It Lives Within, which happened to come out right after I read the first two books
3- How did you pick your blog name?
I always try to seem cool and mysterious when I meet people irl, and then as soon as I open my mouth, I ruin it with some niche trivia or something, and they say, “Oh, so you're a nerd.” 😂 Can't tell you how many times this exact phrase has been uttered to me.
4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!
This is the first Choices related post I made 😂 I was just thinking about the concept of what if characters make terrible decisions cause they're controlled by a player who is out of diamonds lol I was going to do a whole series of them (next was going to be lotr “fly on eagles to mordor?” *30 diamonds* or “simply walk”) but got lazy lol
5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?
Only art. God, I WISH I wrote too. I've thought about trying cause I have so many ideas floating around in my head, but at the end of the day, I'd rather spend my free time drawing.
6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?
For Choices, since early 2022
For other fandoms, since well, forever, but I only started posting around 2017/18
7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?
Favorite Choices book is probably It Lives in the Woods. All of the characters were so interesting, I never got bored reading it, and it had an incredible twist that made sense but I still didn't see coming.
Favorite to create for is probably Blades of Light and Shadow though because I am such a sucker for the fantasy aesthetic.
8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?.
This isn't the first Choices art I made, but it IS the first I actually shared
And honestly, I DO still like it because I still remember the way I felt absolutely POSSESSED while drawing it (I hadn't drawn anything for *months*). I would definitely change the background, though. Those trees look like shit, and they're not even the correct type for the kind of forest they're in.
9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?
My favorite Choices art I've done is probably this piece.
10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?
I definitely didn't expect this one to do well at all as it was so hastily drawn
And I was sad this piece didn't get more love, it was such a dope scene and I was so excited about how the sword turned out
11- If you could only draw one style or type of art for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the question right, but if I had to pick like a specific type of art, it would be digital, and I would want to do fan art. I have a hard time painting anything that I don't already have a deep connection with (so original art with no story behind it is usually a chore for me), and digital art is just so incredibly convenient and not messy and so so versatile.
12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?
Because I use fiction as a way to safely process trauma/ grief/ other big emotions, each MC I make has a small part of me, whichever part I feel the need to explore at the time.
There's an amazing quote by Patrick Rothfuss that I feel explains it perfectly.
It's from Wise Man's Fear
“These folk knew all about death. They killed their own livestock. They died from fevers, falls, or broken bones gone sour. Death was like an unpleasant neighbor. You didn’t talk about him for fear he might hear you and decide to pay a visit.
Except for stories, of course. Tales of poisoned kings and duels and old wars were fine. They dressed death in foreign clothes and sent him far from your door. A chimney fire or the croup cough were terrifying. But Gibea’s trial or the siege of Enfast, those were different. They were like prayers, like charms muttered late at night when you were walking alone in the dark. Stories were like ha’penny amulets you bought from a peddler, just in case.”
13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?
I have a very difficult time making the poses seem natural and flowing. My all time favorite art is Baroque/Renaissance style and how fluid the poses are, how soft the skin looks, how delicately it's all done. Obviously, I will always have my own style, but those are things that I so want to incorporate but never seem to get quite right, and it drives me crazy 😂
14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?
Not really. I mean, I have a ton of unfinished work, but as soon as the window of inspiration passes, I just can't get myself to care enough about it to finish it (insert Jake the Dog, “now it's gone, and I don't care about it anymore!” )
15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?
I would, and have. I typically show them whatever most rendered recent picture from my Instagram because I don't post any nsfw there and usually try to post only my prettier work for this specific reason haha. (As opposed to here, I post everything here, ain't NO ONE from real life invited to see my tumblr 😂)
16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?
Writers: Brandon Sanderson, for sure. He's the reason I got back into art back in 2017 ish. His stories are just so emotional they push me to create. Same with @saibug1022, there is always at least one scene from every story he shares that I desperately want to draw to try to capture the emotions.
Artists: God, sooo many, here are just like my top 3 favorites and their instagrams.
Audra Auclair
Obsessed with her unique style, and specifically the way she draws eyelids and noses
f3lc4t
The way they draw those dripping, glowing wisps. I stare at their pieces for hours (no lie) trying to dissect them stroke by stroke to figure out how they do it.
Miho Hirano
Their art has a delicate whimsy-ness I would SELL MY SOUL to achieve
17- Which one of your creations would you like to see a fiction written about?
JC, this is the shit I DREAM of.
Definitely this one.
So this is love.
This little comic means a lot to me.
18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?
Very rarely, but I do, every so often. This is my favorite original piece.
20- What other hobbies do you have?
Gaming, singing, walking through the Cemetary with my wee daughter, reading, that's about it 🤷
21 - What’s your favorite emoji?
🙇
22: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).
I really wanted to say that I don't believe in “good” art and “bad” art (just ethical vs non-ethical). That being said, I know what it's like to hate your art, like soooo intimately. If you ever are feeling shit about your art, you can ABSOLUTELY message me (I don't care if we're mutuals or not, I don't care if we've never interacted before) and just say, “I am feeling shit about my art” and I will go through your art and tell you every specific thing I love about it and why it's wonderful. I am not joking; I am so so serious rn. 💗💗💗💗
#choices fic writers creations#playchoices#choices stories you play#cfwc creator of the month#oh-so-youre-a-nerd#choices fanart#playchoices fanart#december creator of the month
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unhelpful tips and resources for gifs&gfxs
Hi everyone, I don’t know how useful this post will be but I wanted to share some of the things I learned through the years of creating content for tumblr and also new information I find every now and then. I see lot of new people who start creating content here and I want to help with what I know.
Note: I won’t upload any tutorial of mine or anything because I believe the resources I will link here will be more useful than just a tutorial that I won’t be able to explain well because English is not my first language. Let’s start!
First of all, few words about tumblr and how it works. Tumblr is a site with many communities. Every user has its own blog that can post many kinds of content, including a text,photo,video,audio,art etc. When you first join the site it might be overwhelming but in reality, it is not (*whispers* I personally find instagram harder to understand how it works).
Like every site tumblr has its own search bar, tags, likes, reblogs(share on fb,rt on twitter),and follows. When you search a blog to follow and you see their posts you can like their post by tapping on the heart and share(reblog) by clicking on the two arrows button that looks like the recycle icon.
What does reblog mean and do?
Reblog is as we said the “share the post” of facebook, with reblog you don’t repost someone’s content but you share it with your followers and help it to be seen bymore people that way you actually help the creator to promote their creations.
Likes
Unlike, instagram,twitter and facebook, when you like something the website doesn’t recommend the post to your followers unless they go to your blog via their phone and go to your likes page, if you have it unlocked, so basically, likes don’t help with supporting creators as much as reblog does.
Tags
Tagging system on tumblr, in my opinion, is pretty fun both for the op of a post and for the reblogger. With tagging you can organize all the posts on your blog by anything you like. For example, if you tag artworks as #art and you want to find a certain artwork you reblogged a time ago you can just go to the tag and find it.
For op you can use tags the same way as other sites to promote your work, as I remember the first 5 tags will be shown on the general tag like if you search on tumblr #artwork and you have the tag #artwork on the first 5 it will be shown there.. but I am not sure if this changed.
Creating a post
As you can see from your dashboard(timeline on twitter) you have the option to create a text form post, a photo form post.. etc. You can experiment with all of these, don’t be afraid. I will focus on photo form posts because we will talk about gifs and gfxs.
The photo form(with the camera icon) post, is what most content creators use to post their creations like designs/graphics,art/fanart/photography, and gifs.
The site allows you to post 10 photos(if you want to post more I think Text form allows more).
The size of your photos and gifs must be under 20mb for photos and under 10mb for gifs.
As for dimension, tumblr has its own dimension but you can always post whichever you want, the bad thing is that the quality will be reduced on the dashboard and the viewer will have to click on every single photo in order to see the original quality. Here are the dimensions:
For a single photo/gif per columna it is 540px horizonatally
For 2 photos/gifs per columna it is 268px x 268px
For 3 photos/gifs per columna it is 177px x 178px x 177px (be careful the middle one always has to be 178px)
Themes
When you feel comfortable with using tumblr, you can customize your blog with beautiful themes that talented people have shared here!
You can find and learn about themes here: @/theme-hunter
Gifs/gfxs
In this part, I will provide links and tutorials for gifs and graphics, But first of all you need a program for content creation. The most common one is Photoshop, you can buy a subscription from Adobe(it is expensive) or you can find crack version on the internet.
Chaoticresource has a whole tag for photoshop and many more programs for you to start with photoshop. Not only that they have a whole list of resources for both giffing and graphic making. You can find their tag list with everything you need to here.
Here are some tutorials on how to make a gif
Tutorial by: misty-quigley
Tutorial by: kylos
Tutorial by: hayaosmiyazaki
Tutorial by: cal-kestis
Tutorial by: gr-ogu
Tutorial by: misfitsexual
Tutorial by: unbrokencolorings
Tutorial by: josefnewgayden (also has many resources)
Tutorial by: dunkzilladaddy
Tutorial by: theedorksinlove
Tutorial by: ashleysolsen (with more resources)
As you can see there are many different ways to gif, experiment with as many as you like and choose one you feel more comfortable with.
Usergif and deenafier and cillianmurphy have collected many tutorials in their page/posts so I recommend reading them.
Some random yet helpful tutorials I have and I find myself going back here and there are:
The coloring tutorial by @/ daisylouisejohnson
The coloring tutorial by @/magnusedom
The color table tutorial by @/ggroupsdaily
The coloring tutorial by @/lee-haechan here and here
Coloring tutorial by @/binariesuns
Layer mask tutorial by @/daisylouisejohnson
Transition tutorial by @/fionagallaqher (and coloring tutorial)
Blending tutorial by @/linda-darnell
Blending tutorial by: @/morningstr
Channel Mixer tutorial (REALLY IMPORTANT IMO) by @/zoyanazyalensky
Glitch effect tutorial by @/nobodynocrime
Glitch tutorial by @/sarah-snook
How to fix orange-washed characters by @/zoyanazyalensky
Colored background tutorial by @/rafael-silva
Sharpenning gifs by @/joelmillrr
Coloring tutorial by @/yelenafbelova
Coloring tutorial by @/yenvengerberg
Don’t be afraid to experiment with gifs, try different styles and most important have fun!! I know thereis a lot to learn but trust me, it can be pretty fun! Good luck!
Now for graphics.. all I have to say is just have fun and experiment, experiment and experiment more! Here is a list ofresources I have collected that helped me improve my skills and find resources.
Where to find fonts/textures/vectors/mockups.
deviantart (everything)
unsplash (photos)
pixeden (mockups,photos)
graphicburger (mostly mockups)
freedesignresources (everything)
spoongraphics (mock ups)
graphicgoogle
rawpixel (photos)
digitalbrushes (brushes)
zippypixels (mockups)
dafont (fonts)
fonts by google
behance( under the tag freebie)
pinterest
fonts.ilovetypography (fonts)
gvfxarmy on twitter did an amazing job collecting resources.. you can find them here
List of youtube channels that will help you with tutorials and educational information on graphic design
Envato Tuts
Madia Designer
elliotisacoolguy
Brad Colbow
LearningScreen
PiXimperfect
The Futur
The Futur Academy
Jeremy Mura
Blue Lightning TV Photoshop
Nemanja Sekulic
Digital Art Creation
Will Paterson
Nobu Design
Satori Graphics
Logo Design Ideas
Adobe Creative Cloud (recommend to watch some of the livestreams they are interesting)
Gareth David Studio
Spoon Graphics
PSD Box Official
creatnprocess
Jamie Windsor
Dansky
Daily Photoshop Tutorials
How to Graphic Design
Photoshop Tutorials - PSt
Yes I'm a Designer
Photoshop Tutorials
PHLEARN
Some other sites and links that i find interesting:
designbolts
thefutur free resources
The most important compositional principles in graphic design(article but check the site too)
The power of color (article, check the site too)
bezier.method (site to practice the pen tool)
aiga
httpster.net (site for inspiration)
access.mymind (color inspiration)
How to design a logo (article)
How to design a logo (article 2)
The Importance of Branding in 21st Century (article)
Color combinations
Lastly here you will find books and more resources for graphic deisgn! Thanks to @/isaaczara_ on twitter
That’s it! Hope you find this post helpful! I tried my best to not forget anything!
Have fun on tumblr and on creating your content! Don’t give up and have fun creating!
#masterpost#a rushed masterpost#long post#hope it helps#resources#its not the masterpost i said i ll make its a similar one
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Tumblr wasn't a safe place to begin with since anyone could scrape from the website regardless. The decisions they've made suck, but the only thing we can really do on any website is use the programs people have been creating to make sure the ai can't accurately steal the art. Like nightshade and/or glaze
I guess what my post was about, was that 10 years ago the only worry I had was people uploading my art on their own blogs without credit and sometimes even act like they did it.
All I'm hearing about glaze and stuff is that you need a highend pc to run it and it's just a damn hustle honestly.
I just want to draw, man. Share my art with people who are interested in it and, when I'm not completely exhausted by my dayjob and anxiety, offer commissions again.
It's just all so damn depressing. Like I hate how people just have no respect for other peoples hard work and straight up try to steal someones skill to fabricate lookalikes for their own gain. And every fucking website is jumping onto the bandwagon and be like: Heck yeah! Another way to exploit people!
I'm just trying to have a good time, which has been difficult for several years now. And this shit is just not helping. I know that it has never been truly better, but sometimes being oblivious is just better for ones mental health.
And I guess >I've always felt "safer" on this platform< has less to do with the actual privacy stuff and more with the fact that it's less overstimulating compared to twitter for example. It felt like it was cut out for me, for a long time. But now I guess it's just rotting away.
#I dunno#The whole situation is just stinky#It's like people are desperate to make life horrible for all of us#why can't they put more effort into making jobs obsolete that nobody wants to do rather than the one dreamjob people still are able to purs#e
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today is a very special day!
well, whaddya know — i started this blog 6 years ago today, on 2 october 2017 (◠‿◠)
as an american without any friends who enjoyed british comedy and panel shows as much as i did (do...), this began as a little space for me to share both the big and small things that made me laugh! i discovered just the breadth of the community and many corners of it were doing the same thing, even so far as sharing links and uploads to watch this foreign content — and that made me want to help in any way i could, too. i think that's how so many of you found me — because of my public googledrive content — and it's great fun that you're here!
you all send me so much love and so many compliments, you share my posts, you make requests, you tell me about your favourite shows and what you're enjoying, you offer me resources, and you forgive me when i have a stupid opinion or disappear for a little while. on tumblr, twitter, reddit, discord — i see my blog being shared and excitement around it. as someone who does not create these files — who does not have uk cable, who does not rip live broadcasts or streams or dvds; who simply sources content, pays $10 a month for some cloud space, and takes the risk of sharing it publicly — it feels like a lot more than i deserve to be treated quite so nicely by everyone. i really appreciate it (´･ᴗ･ ` )
i'll try to be better at making gifs and checking for typos, posting a greater variety of content, updating my drive more quickly, answering more asks, and keeping the space free of drama & negativity. i don't spend much time online outside of this blog because the internet is just so damn unkind — but this space feels like a great exception, a silly little bubble. thank you for being the greatest reason for that.
♡ hugs for all of you 🫂x10k
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