#UH if u follow after seeing this post u are not going to b included in the randomiser this time. so sorry
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AH I'M AT 101 thank u all!!!! i'm split between what i shld do to celebrate so poll time
#WAHA i'm excited. i only started posting art in mid-late november#i'm happy ppl are interested in the stuff i make :>#UH if u follow after seeing this post u are not going to b included in the randomiser this time. so sorry
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hello! do you perhaps have any tips/advice for those starting their first writing blog?
my tips r mostly gonna b mindset/writing tips rather than like "hacking the tumblr algorithm" type stuff so if that's what ur into then read on:
first up, let's get the few "notes/numbers" tips i can give u out of the way:
from what i can tell, most readers read from the tags rather than their dashboard, so pay attention to what tags people actually use for fics (throwing your tags in the general tags for groups/idols generally isn't as helpful for getting people to actually READ them than putting them in the actual fic tags bc people go into the general tags more for visual content [pictures/gifs] or updates from my experience. when people want to read fic, they go into those fic tags)
this is just a courtesy thing: please tag your stuff correctly! if your fic is, for example, a reader x taeyong fic, only use taeyong, nct, nct 127, or nct u-derivative tags, do not use any other unit (wayv, dream) or any other member tags, even if those other units or members are mentioned or have substantial roles! (a proper love triangle is different, u can include both legs of the love triangle). i assure you, if you spam tag, and put your stuff in places it doesn't belong (god forbid in completely unrelated fandoms or groups), the people who went in those tags looking for content actually about that thing, are just going to be annoyed at best, and pissed off and block u at worst so they don't have to see ur work in their tags ever again. some ppl use the block button very liberally (as is their right. spam tagging fics is annoying as hell)
also, try to keep up with what tags readers are actually going in to read. i've been reading & writing fic for 10+ years now, and have seen the evolution of language in fandom and around fic writing, primarily on tumblr and i've had to uh, keep up with the times to make sure my fics were following wherever the readers were. this shouldn't be hard if you're an active reader yourself but it was something that caught me off-guard when i realized we stopped using "imagine" at some point (dont even get me started on the change from lemon to smut)
post formatting! figure out how you want to format your actual fics on tumblr and stick with it! (trust me....it's exhausting changing ur formatting across dozens of posts.............. but if u rlly hate it after a while just commit and change it lol);; take inspo (dont just copy and paste bc that's tacky) from some of ur favorite writers, figure out what u like to see in a fic (heading text of the title, picture header, indentation, small text, word count, genre tags, content warnings, pairing info, preview, summary, dividers, etc.), and decide what u want to include in urs!
finally for this part: THERE IS NO TUMBLR ALGORITHM. EVERYONE CURATES THEIR OWN DASHBOARD EXPERIENCE AND ITS BEAUTIFUL AND MORE PEOPLE NEED TO PUT IN THE EFFORT TO DO THAT AND FOLLOW THE WRITERS THAT THEY ENJOY READING IN THE TAGS SO THEY CAN KEEP UP WITH THEM AND CONTINUE TO LIKE AND INTERACT AND ACTUALLY GROW AND DEVELOP A CONNECTION AND COMMUNITY
and now my more "mindset/writing" tips:
this is literally in my pinned: i write for fun and for free. i write things that i like, and because i enjoy doing it, and i post them on the internet for free. it is not my job, and coming online should not be stressing me out. and i've been able to keep that up for a year now since my comeback after an unexpected hiatus, and it's honestly been one of my best years of writing as an author.
i think that figuring out a way to write in a way that's sustainable and fun for you is the most important part. people will stick around if you can find that. i've been able to create a community around my works no matter what fandom i was in, for 10 years, and that includes 10 years ago when i was literally like 12, 13, 14 years old writing things that 12, 13, 14 year olds write. and i do think it's because i was always having fun, and interacting with the people who stuck around. and when i stopped having fun, i was done. nct has officially been the longest fandom i've written in, even discounting my year hiatus, which is crazy to think about btw
when you get someone who follows and interacts and is a recurring reader/reblogger/asker/commenter, i'm sure u will already be like '!!!!!' bc that's what my brain does anyway, but make them feel welcome. don't just focus on the tags and the numbers and the notes. what really makes me feel good at the end of the day is seeing the same few people come back and talking to them and knowing that they like my stuff so much they wanna read more. to me, the tags are a means to an end. the tags are a way to hopefully get a few more people like that to find my blog and follow and stick around for more in the future.
small blog org tip: make your blog easy to navigate for people who are checking it out for the first time from finding a fic in the tag or from someone else rbing it or smth! i always link my masterlist at the end of every fic, it's in my pinned and description, and i just try to make it very easy for people to find more fics of mine if they want to :)
i think that compared to other social medias, you'll find that it's slow but steady growth on tumblr (or at least, that's been my experience), but as long as you're writing what you like, it'll make the rocky start feel a little less rocky (i know it sucks when ur not getting any notes. i know. i promise. it's like bringing a cake to a party and nobody eats it. but sometimes u just have to have a piece of ur own cake and go home and bake another one bc u like baking and hope maybe next time everyone will see it)
and just remember that this is your blog! post stuff you like! don't be afraid to let people see the personality of the person posting all these fics that they're reading. most people like knowing that kind of stuff, even outside of stuff like ur bias or fave unit or wtv. i make all my unhinged posts (which, admittedly, have ended up costing me some followers but if u can't handle me at my unhinged perfume jungwoo posts then u don't deserve me at my buzzer beater sungchan) and post pictures of bread and complain abt work or whatever in addition to all my stuff about my wips and then the final fics. i think treating ur blog like an actual blog does a lot to make it feel like there's a real person behind the acct
#i hope that literally any of this was helpful#as always i just ramble :)#if u wanted specifically writing tips lmk and like be specific as to what kind bc thats very broad#answered#anonymous#talk#text#mine#writing tag
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Yan!TF2 × reader headcannons (SFW and NSFW)
// obsessive tendancies, mentions of violence, blood, sexual themes, noncon
[SFW]
Let's start with the defense classes
Defense:
Demoman
Deffo didn't admit that he loved you
Tbh he probably blamed it on his drunkenness
But dude you're always drunk
I mean seriously if he sobers up he'll genuinely die so like-
He would usually drink with you or just around you if you don't drink
He's generally a fun chill guy to be with
He would watch you from a distance at times, especially during battle you might distract the cyclops
He's okay with you asking questions
One time he broke his eyepatch and needed a new one
You gave him a nice black eyepatch with the demoman emblem on it
He gets all red whenever you say his full name, because he knows you remembered it
He is generally against kidnapping, I mean especially since he lives with his ma he'd rather not
And because he's a gentleman
If you ever reciprocate his feelings he'll make sure to treat you right
He is a messy person but for you? He'll clean
Probably would get carried away and make home made bombs with all the cleaning supplies 🤦♂️
Takes you to meet his mom
"ooo Tavish, yer gonna get me some grand kiddos are ya?"
That made you both blush like crazy
Soft cheek kisses
Probably made a special bomb and named it after you
"this one's for you, luv!" *Proceeds to set off all stickybombs which blows up the entire enemy team*
Blew up the last guy who looked at you funny
Hell, even worse when they make a sexual remark to you scout probably did it
Likes to give you your space but when he's paranoid he follows you to wherever or watched you from a distance
Heavy
Two words: big boy
Hugs are 10000000000/10
Sometimes it fewls suffocating but man it's like hugging a cloud
Soft forehead kisses
Russian pet names
He sometimes lets you touch Sasha, that's how he knows he loves you because he doesn't even let medic, his best friend, touch her
Probably named a gun after you or one of the pet names he calls you
You definitely met his family and they loved you
Zana especially
Doesn't get jealous easily but will not hesitate to unload 12 pounds of bullets into someone who even LOOKS at you the wrong way
Lord have mercy on the ones who dare flirt with you, rest in pieces scout
Doesn't really follow you anywhere (you're a bit too fast for him) but he does watch you and check up on you
He preforms okay on the battlefield but when you're around, he'll show off
Will cook for you, mainly russian dishes
He's very against kidnapping and would rather not do it
Doesn't shut up about you when he's around medic
Engineer
F l u f f y
Very softspoken in general but he gets all flustered when you talk to him
Will check up on you occasionally
"Darlin'" "Honey bunny" things like that y'know
Huge smile when you're around
Will cook for you most definitely, knows what you like
Makes little robots for you
Likes seeing you use his dispenser
Doesn't get jealous easily either but will try and take you away from someone who wants your attention
Likes just having you in his presence, doesn't need to talk to be happy with you around
Very very against kidnapping like all other defense classes, wouldn't do it unless if he truly felt the need to, last resort kind of thing
The last guy who flirted with you had a sentry gun shoved up his ass
Doesn't really follow you anywhere
Offense:
Scout
Nothing short of a horomonal teenager
I mean he's 21 but
He gets so giddy around you, very loud, tries to show off
He loves you very much
"oh yeah? Well I once absolutely smashed a guy into peices, he was still screaming when he was dead!"
He brags about brutal things but hey you love it since you're also brutal
Flexes his non-existent muscles around you
Would talk about his mom to you all day
Definitely got a tattoo of your face and name somewhere on his body, most likely his bicep
Your name is probably misspelled too but you never say anything about it because he can't read so it's fine
He hasn't really thought about kidnapping in all honesty, again, a last resort kinda thing if he can't get you to love him
He will make a damn SCENE if anyone flirts with you
"you think that's funny, chucklenuts? I eat guys like you for breakfast lunch AND dinner!" "I'll blow yer freakin head off if ya talk to y/n like that again!" Would definitely drag you away
God help anyone that makes you uncomfortable, he'll fuck them up, if that person is medic I mean he'll try to but we all know how fucking scary medic is
Follows you at times
Pyro
"Mphmphmpph"
Seems more lovey around you
Definitely gave you a hand full of the enemy's bloody bones thinking it was a bouquet of flowers
Absolute baby
Just so precious, scary but precious
Hugs for days
Good luck trying to get their ass off of you when you're on cease-fire
Very warm though, they smell like smoke with a bit of blood
Likes petting you
Isn't against the idea of kidnap because they don't realize what they're actually doing, they think they're just taking you to a magical place
Snuggles
When someone flirts with you their whole world changes
Gets angry and starts yelling at them
"MPHMPHMOHMPHHH! MPHMPHNHUMAHUMA!" - Pyro 2021
Will not let you get a checkup alone, he trusts medic but not with you
Very sweet tho, he'll turn around when you need to strip down
Will follow you almost EVERYWHERE and if they can, while holding your hand
Soldier
Yells at you a little less than the others
At first doesn't realize how he feels but then realizes that he loves you
Is pretty protective over you
Rants about America all day to you
Probably got you an american flag to wear
Doesn't really take off his helmet but he likes seeing you in it, makes him proud
If you ever live with him you'll find out that he owns like 20 racoons
"YOU ARE CUTER THAN A RACOON" "YOU WILL BE SAFE ON THE BATTLEFIELD, DO YOU HEAR ME MAGGOT?"
He loudly wakes everyone up in the morning but tries to avoid waking you up
Loves you as much as he loves America
Will show off on the battlefield for you
Isn't against kidnapping you, he probably did it early on if you showed immediately that you didn't reciprocate his feelings
Will blow any guy that hits on you to absolute bits
"MAGGOT DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL LEAVE THE LADY/MAN ALONE THIS INSTANT!"
Probably put you on his back and rocket jumped just to show you what it felt like
Follows you around a lot, it's really obvious because he wears a bucket over his head and crashes into things, when you look back he'll stand behind a lamp post or somewhere really obvious
Support
Ah yes, everyones favorite class including mine
Sniper
Very quiet
Takes secret glances at you
Pays more attention to you than the others
S h y
Asks how you are, how you slept, etc
Doesn't really need to be holding you, tbh he's against PDA
But he likes being in your presence
Just sit down next to him and he'll be fine
When he's on the battlefield, he'll look for you and make sure you're safe
God forbid anyone try to hurt you, he'll make them suffer
Talks about Australia to you and accidentally admitted that he wanted to take you there
Doesn't like the idea of kidnapping but he isn't totally against it, I can see him doing it
He smuggled you all the damn way to Australia
He'll nonchalantly show off to you on the battlefield, he'll let you get cornered and come in to save the day
"love" is a word he uses a lot with you
Will grumble to himself if he sees someone flirting with you
If it's a random person, well, that'll be the last time you ever see them
Has talked about you to his parents
Kind of follows you? I mean he sits atop a high placeand watches you through his scope whenever you're going somewhere
Spy
SEDUCTIVE ASF
He knows what he's doing
Will kiss your hand a lot
Likes to flirt with you and see you blush
"honhonhon"
Sleazy french fucker
Watched you from afar at first then approached you a little later
Isn't against the idea of kidnapping, pro kidnapping, definitely did it not only to have you to himself but for some sort of sexual satisfaction
Just very uh... Lewd? Can't find the right word
He treats you very respectfully though
If he hears anyone else flirting with you he'll be fuming but won't show it
"Oh please, like you could EVER satisfy y/n's desires"
That person mysteriously disappeared that night
Very cocky bastard
Definetly follows you home, not only that but he watches you through your window
And stalks you
He knows everything about you
Would get you either by knocking you unconscious or by blackmailing you
Medic
B a s t a r d
Gets LOUD when you're around
And giddy
Very touchy, always has a reason to put his hands on you
Talks a lot with you around, I mean he already talks a lot but now he won't shut up
Keeps his office nice and clean for you
He restocks on everything so when you come around you can take a loot at all his medicines
Big smile :D
Like spy he is not at all against kidnapping you
Makes sure you're comfortable during checkups
Will make you wait to be seen last just so he can take his time touching your body
"it's all part of the procedure".mp3
Compliments you in weird ways, ex: "your skin is so smooth and lovely, it's the perfect texture to make leather out of" "you have an amazing colon"
Look he's just trying his best here he has a screw loose
You're the only member who he's careful with really
Sometimes allows you to get hurt or has you get hurt by something just so you can see him
Always follows you wherever
Knows everything about you
If someone is flirting with you, he'll get quiet at first and use a low tone to speak to them
"you have guts talking to y/n like that"
They were never seen again
With kidnapping, he won't hesitate to use blackmail against you, or will just use anesthesia
Bonus: Pauling
Pauling
This lady values her work over her life, but to her you're so much more important
Will call you a lot on the battlefield to check in on you
Won't give you extremely hard missons to do because she doesn't want you to get hurt
"Hey (class), Pauling here. I need you... No not like that I just- I mean- for a mission yeah a mission"
Gets all flustered when you're around
Will take her only day off to spend time with you, what a sweetheart
Keeps multiple tabs on you
Follows you around
Doesn't really have time for kidnapping
But if it comes to that, she'll make something up so she has a reason to kidnap you
If anyone else is flirting with you she won't show that she's annoyed
She'll make something up as an excuse to execute them
[NSFW]
Defense
Demo
Has definitely thought of what you'd look like while naked
B l u s h
Has used a mental image of you to get off before
Probably has an actual photo of you
When he drinks a little more than usual, he'll accidentally brush his hand against your ass or get touchy with you
Will not force himself on you, he's 100% against that
If you decide to have sex with him, praise is what you're gonna get
"you're as beautiful as a shot of whiskey in the sunrise"
Very gentle with his hands
Heavy
Not the type to masturbate
Unless if he gets THAT worked up
Again, against forcing himself on you
But if you want it no doubt you will top
He's also gentle with you
And loving
Praise is all you're gonna get
Sometimes russian sometimes broken english
Either way he will worship your body
Engi
Again, a more modest guy, doesn't really touch himself
Might just use a robot to pleasure himself when thinking about you
Probably has a photo of you and him around his workshop
Never forces himself on you
He's sweet and gentle when you do want it though
Sometimes gets help from his robot friends
Offense
Scout
Gets off on thinking about you
Won't force himself on you though
Sexual remarks × 100
Calls you handsome/beautiful in bed
I wouldn't say he's the best in bed but hey he's good I guess
Cuddles after sex most likely
Probablh threw out all his sexual magazines because they just didn't do the trick anymore
Sometimes when he runs past you, your shirt/skirt gets lifted up by a gust of wind and he can't help but look ( ͡◉ ͜ ʖ ͡◉)
Since I hit the text limit, I'll be making a part 2, stay tuned
#tf2 x reader#medic x reader#engineer x reader#spy x reader#yandere hcs#yandere#scout x reader#sniper x reader#heavy x reader#demoman x reader#pyro x reader#soldier x reader#pauling x reader#yandere tf2
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Ok please if you don’t mind saying - who is Stuart semple and what did he do? I’m so confused. Like I recognise the name and I think he might the an artist or something but I have no idea
He is indeed an artist! He’s a English multidisciplinary fine artist best known for his ongoing beef with English sculptor Anish Kapoor over the 2016 exclusive licensing on the process to make Vantablack colour coating, which meant Kapoor was the only artist allowed to use it. Then Stuart Semple made Pinkest Pink pigment and said it was available to everyone but Anish Kapoor, and there was a big blowup which there’s a lot of documentation of - it was very memed.
Since then, Semple has made a bunch more pigments, most of them with the available-to-everyone-but-Anish-Kapoor disclaimer, and the beef periodically flares up, although I will say as time goes on it seems to me to have got increasingly one-sided given that Kapoor has pretty much wandered off.
(I’ve used several of his colours, btw. Pinkest Pink is pretty good. Blackest Black, his attempt to make the blackest possible paint (as opposed to Vantablack which is a nanofibre coating) I was pretty disappointed in, I’ve honestly had better light capture from mid-range art shop paints. His other pigments vary in quality - some I really liked, some I was meh on, but I think Blackest Black is the only one I was actively unimpressed by)
Anyway. Where I come in is much less exciting.
A few months ago I reblogged a post on Tumblr asking about Semple from a discourse tag (my reblog did not tag or @ anyone), and I made a glib comment where I said (very truthfully) that while I thought he was pretty decent at pigments, both his paintings and his online persona came across pretty adolescent to me.
so it turns out Stuart Semple is an inveterate name searcher (hi Stuart if you’re reading this!)
(Side note: I actually should have guessed this from 2019 Twitter when he saw and commented on an untagged thread I wrote about him and Kapoor’s beef (which was because I’d seen an article in which Kapoor, a British-Asian man, said that the racist Prevent strategy was liable to drive young British-Asian men into the arms of terrorist groups by making it clear their country hates them reblogged on Semple’s account with a caption claiming Anish Kapoor was pro-terrorism, which, while tongue-in-cheek, isn’t a neutral statement for a white person to make about an Asian person and was a pretty phenomenally bad-faith reading of Kapoor’s actual words) and in my thread I pretty much said that when the story had broken, I, like everybody else, had found it very funny and been firmly on side with Semple’s bit, but I felt that a) after a couple of years it really wasn’t very relevant any more and it had started to feel less like Fighting The Power and more like bullying the amount of Semple’s web presence was devoted to talking about Anish Kapoor; b) that it was a shame that Anish Kapoor was increasingly only known as The Vantablack Guy given that I really like a lot of his work and c) that continuing to frame a Jewish person of colour as the Face of the Artistic Elite was a bit weird given how overwhelmingly white the high-end art world is. but I digress. Semple responded to that thread, I don’t really remember what he said, it wasn’t an acrimonious response but it was a bit Oh I Didn’t Do Anything To Tag You?)
so anyway he found my reblog and commented saying ehhh I don’t remember, something along the lines of not feeling like I was being very kind and that he was trying his best. also I think he said I had accused him of being racist? which again the actual Tumblr post literally just said I thought his art and persona came across as juvenile and I think in the tags? I mentioned that I thought it was time for him to step off the Kapoor beef.
then he screencapped my post, including my profile picture and username, and posted it on all his socials with a kind of :( people are so mean on Tumblr :( caption and um
idk if you know this about Being A Public Persona With Tens Of Thousands of Followers but. if you post someone’s identity and say ‘I do not like what this person is doing’ it. can get messy fast.
uh I don’t follow Stuart Semple (see the original post I made) but he commented to make sure I knew he’d posted my post on Instagram and “all my followers like your wig :)” which. according to my partner who did go and look at the time, the Instagram comments were largely about how I was an ugly non-passing trans woman aka “man in a wig” which. throw the whole suitcase out. There were a good few days where I got a lot of angry anons, ranging from ‘stop bullying Stuart Semple!!!!!’ to ‘die in a ditch graphically’ to ‘how can you claim to have opinions on art when You Are On Tumblr’ (I have been a freelance illustrator for 7 years and I have a Masters in art and design) to ‘your art sucks and you’re fat and ugly’ and my personal favourite ‘how can u be cis and use she/her pronouns you dumb snowflake’
(within that furore was a whole branch where someone was like ‘sex worker huh bet you’re bad at it’ and I was like ‘yep! that’s why I don’t do it any more! it’s hard work and it involves a lot of self-promotion and customer skills which I don’t like and am not good at!’ and this was a Whole Thing where they kept trying to insult me (much like today’s anon) about my supposed failures as a Slut Who Is Bad At Sex and I kept going like ‘ok but here’s how that just. doesn’t make sense in reference to what sex work actually is so like, ok?’)
and Stuart Semple and I were also having a conversation which, depending on your perspective I would call his attitude either conciliatory or passive-aggressive, there was a lot of ‘me and my followers would never say rude things about you :) keep up the art kiddo :)’ and being charitable I would say he was trying to be nice while being angry, and to avoid escalating (but with the added context I got later about the wig comment, I think that interpretation of his behaviour maybe. has some cracks?) and ultimately he took down the posts, we had a brief conversation about keeping pet reptiles (apparently he has a lizard) and we left it on, if not good terms, at least peaceable ones.
however I still periodically get messages about it from angry Semple stans. and I’m not sure the argument was resolved, in that I still very much think it’s fair to make criticism, including quite harsh criticism (which I’m not sure ‘adolescent’ is), on art which is put out for public display and enjoyment, and that it isn’t a personal attack to post a criticism of someone’s public-facing work and statements on social media unless you actively target it towards them (for example, @ ing them), and Semple still thinks there’s no difference between a random blog with under a thousand followers criticising a public figure’s work and a public figure with 100k followers on most platforms criticising that blog (out of context - he clipped out the post I was reblogging from and my explanatory tags, and looking at my blog you may notice that 90% of my nuance is in the tags) while giving his followers all the information to find said blog.
(also as multiple people have remarked. if you want to say it’s an unfair criticism to call your online presence immature, being a middle-aged artist who as far as I can tell has a net worth over a million who spends your time name searching yourself in order to get mad at untagged mild criticism from strangers on the internet and share it on all your socials for your followers to join you in Being Big Mad is uhhhhhhh. it uh. it’s not like. not super thin-skinned and immature)
(also also I just googled his net worth and unsurprisingly I can’t find a source on it I’d consider reliable, but I did find multiple articles about him getting in trouble for breach of contract and nonpayment for gallery employees, including two accusations of him writing a big defensive blog post then changing it after a few hours to a very short post saying I LOVE YOU so like idk how true that is but it does seem. consistent with the above interactions.)
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anonymous:
I just discovered your mdzs pronunciation stuff and it's super helpful!!! Especially to an english speaker, it's so helpful to hear everything pronounced slowly! Would you ever consider doing more but on Chinese basics? Like tones, or differences between similar sounds? (But please don't feel obligated! Just a suggestion bc I find your pronunciation super helpful :)
hhhhh the file was too big for tumblr :’) even after I exported it at medium instead of standard quality, so i made a soundcloud after all aha.... it’s downloadable, even!
anyways! chinese school with cyan? :D transcript with helpful links under the cut.
previous chinese pronunciation posts with pinyin if you want to go back review them armed with new knowledge to practice: mdzs names 1, mdzs names 2
rough transcript (brackets indicate things i didn’t say but wanted to add as a note, or laughs lol):
hello everyone! okay, so I’m going to make an attempt to do some basic pinyin, I guess, a basic pinyin post? so the goal is by the end you should be able to hopefully! look at basic pinyin or any pinyin word and get a general sense of how it might sound. this is not comprehensive, and you shouldn’t take it as such, but i hope you might be able to get a good foundation out of it? I don’t know, just for sort of, a basic general overview.
I’ll use some MDZS words or names or whatever to I guess keep it fun as examples? But the rules should be generally applicable across the board. This is geared towards native English speakers because that’s what I am. I am not a linguist, just a layperson, so I’m going to be explaining like a layperson.
So, this is pinyin with cyan! chinese school with cyan. horrible, I thought i escaped this [laugh] oh, all those horrible saturdays. [all sounds will be read with first tone unless otherwise indicated]
okay, so, I’m going to do the basic vowels first. there are five so it’s: a o e i u ü
so I’ll do that a — oh wait, no there’s six, oh gosh! okay. bad start! so there are SIX basic vowels: a o e i u ü
so i’ll do that one more time: a o e i u ü
so there’s actually a seventh vowel sound, but we can get to that in a minute. it’s not included in the orthography.
so ü is usually the hardest for native english speakers since it doesn’t exist in english, but a friend of mine recently explained it really well. so if you say “ee” just like, “ee” like in creek or something like that, then shape your lips as if you’re saying “oo”. so if you speak french or german, it might be easier for you, those are just the two languages I’m familiar with. the ü is the same as the ü in german, like in die Tür, in french it’s just like you know, la lune, mur, etc.
basically say “ee” then move your lips until it looks like you’re saying “oo” — eeeeeüüüü or you can do the opposite, you can say “oo” then move your tongue as if it’s saying “ee” so: ooooüüüüüü. ü. and that’s basically it.
so now i’m going to do the initial consonants. that’s all the vowels. but the initial consonants, the consonants, or the consonant sounds that can start words, there are… well there’s not that many, but I’ll go through them really quick. there is an order, and every consonant is associated, every initial consonant is associated with a natural vowel sound and they come in groups. the order that i learned them in is this:
b p m f • d t n l g k h • j q x • z c s zh ch sh r
[repeated slower]
b(o) p(o) m(o) f(o) • d(e) t(e) n(e) l(e) g(e) k(e) h(e) • j(i) q(i) x(i) • z(i) c(i) s(i) zh(i) ch(i) sh(i) r(i)
I think the official one [the official order, i mean] might have the z c s and the zh ch sh r switched, but it doesn’t really matter they’re both in the same group. so you’ll notice that there are only four naturally associated vowels: o e i and ï [not sure if this is technically the right way to write it, but it’s convenient for illustrative purposes here].
so ï is the one that’s with the z c s, zh ch sh r group. I also think this is a pretty hard vowel to pronounce for english speakers, but i don’t really have a handy way of explaining it. i’ll try though!
so for things like the z c s sounds: say “sss” like you would in english. “ssss” then change your lips to the way you say “ee” and then vocalize without moving your tongue. so you can also produce this sound without changing your lip shape, but doing so will kind of force it, or make it easier to find I think. so ssssssi. sssssi. so that was me doing the whole process with saying ssss and then moving my lips and then vocalizing. but i can also do it with my lips rounded. “si”. that’s me with lips rounded, but having the lips wide like that helps i think
[or you can just vocalize “zzzzz” like in “buzz” or “jazz”. that zzzzzz sound gives you the vowel you want. that probably would’ve been an easier way to explain it haha.]
for the zh ch sh r sounds, to get that, you can say “juh” like how you would say j, a j sound in english, so it’s “juh” but dont’ say the “uh” just stick to the “j”. so that’s the zh sound. “zhii” just like hold it. then ch sh r. I don’t know, I think that’s pretty intuitive once you get those.
in terms of the consonants that i think that are difficult, they are d, j q x and z maybe? so i’ll go over them.
so d taps the palate in english, “duh”, “duh”. the d sound, it taps further back on the little bump [on the roof of your mouth] there, but it taps on the teeth in chinese. I think it’s a non-aspirated t sound? so say “tuh” but then instead of having that breath, just take that out. “de”. it’s a non-aspirated t, it taps in the same spot. so that’s the d, the “de” sound.
j q x, it’s the same sort of things, if you stretch your lips, I think i helps to move it into the right space. so instead of “juh” it’s “ji”. “ji”. “ji ji ji ji”. “qi”, “xi”. the q has the “ch” sound, but instead of sitting so far in the front, it sits a little further back [in the mouth]. instead of “ch” which is the ch, it’s “qi”, which is moving further back. and same with “xi”. instead of “sh” it’s “x”. i don’t know if that helps [laugh]. but instead of “sh” it’s “x”. so “xi”.
again, instead of “ch” it’s “q” and instead of “sh” it’s “x” [laugh]
[I forgot to talk about z oops. it’s basically a combination of d and z in english: “dz”. like the end of “hands”. that “dz” sound.]
okay, so, you can start a word with any of the vowels, any of them can be initials, but some of them will change orthography when they’re at the start of a word. so i think it’s pretty intuitive, but a o e all stay the same. but the “i” sound, the i, turns into a y, the “u”, the u, turns into a w, and the “ü”, the ü turns into yu. so “yu”.
okay, so that’s all the initials! that’s it! that’s not too bad.
okay, so now I’m going to start doing the finals, like the ends of words. you can end any word with any of the vowels, but I’m going to include them anyways because it’s in the table. i just copied this table from wikipedia because it’s i think pretty intuitive and clearly stated. they show both how the sound would be written as a full word and how it would be spelled when it was attached to an initial. so basically what i just talked about regarding changing orthography when you start a word with vowels, things like that.
[link to table in wikipedia]
okay starting with the first row, I’m pretty sure this is ï. the i sound that i said was difficult:
[row 1]
so I’m going to do that again. I’m going to do each one twice and then we’re going to move onto the second row.
[row 1 repeated, each sound twice]
okay, now the second row:
[row 2]
so we’re going to do the same thing again, twice each:
[row 2 repeated, each sound twice]
okay, and the third row:
[row 3]
and again, twice each:
[row 3 repeated, each sound twice]
and then the final row:
[row 4]
and then one more time, twice each:
[row 4 repeated, each sound twice]
okay so that’s it, that’s all the finals I think.
so I think -(i)un/yun is probably one of the harder sounds, the -un with the y at the beginning, the -iun? “yun”, with the umlaut. I don’t really know how to explain how to pronounce that one, but you know it’s the… yun [laugh]
okay so a note on u vs ü. when a word begins with j q x or y, and it’s followed by a u, it’s automatically be pronounced as ü even though it will not be marked. so here are some examples.
names like Ā’Yuàn: yuàn. it’s a ü sound automatically, and it’s not marked in the orthography. or Yú Zǐyuān. yú zǐ yuān. same thing. and then with something like in hánguāng-jūn, jūn, the j the “ji” combined with the -un becomes “jun” like the “yun” sound. or Jīn Zixuān. Xuān. Xuān. it’s the ü sound.
so an example of the same final spellings but with different initials. like the yuàn in ā’yuàn — you can see it automatically changes to an ü pronunciation, but spelled the same way the -uan ending, but you have a different starting consonant that’s not one of the exceptions, so “le” — so in luànzàng gǎng. luàn. it’s “u”. luàn. and then for like yú, yú zǐyuān, yú, instead of the ü, in jīn rúlán, rú, rú, it’s the “u” sound, and they’re marked the same way.
okay! yeah that’s pretty much it. that’s like all the basic sounds in chinese, I’m pretty sure. [laugh] it’s not actually that hard. i mean, it’s obviously hard, but there’s not as many sounds as you expect, or it’s less complex than you might think.
so obviously now we have to deal with tones. i know this is the one that everybody finds really scary, but i actually i know it’s easy for me to say because i’m a native speaker, but i actually think they’re very intuitive and easy to hear, as tones go. it’s gonna be fine. anyways, we’re gonna get through it.
here is how i remember tones: I do it with a cadence. and i literally sometimes have to go through this cadence on words when i’m not sure how to identify what tone they are. this is how i learned it, my grandmother taught me this, you know, i mean, it’s very standard, but:
ā á ǎ à
or hummed it’s: ¯ ´ ˇ `
and then I’ll do it again:
ā á ǎ à
¯ ´ ˇ `
so yeah, i really do sing it sometimes when i’m trying to figure out or remember what tone mark goes on something, I go dūh dúh dǔh dùh [laugh] over and over again until i figure it out.
and yeah, that’s it! they’re pretty intuitive, they follow the path of the tone, or the shape of the tone markers. so you can see the ā is flat, the á goes up, the ǎ goes down and then up, ǎ, and then à, the fourth one, just goes down.
so whenever you’re writing a tone mark on a word, they always go on the last vowel UNLESS there’s an a or e present. those always take precedence. I’ll spell out a couple of examples in the text.
[EXAMPLES: hào not haò and méi not meí, but jiù]
[laugh]
so i will go over, um… okay, i think my dad’s having a meeting downstairs, so maybe you’ll hear him in the background, but okay, the last thing i will go over a couple of sandhi rules, just a few! this isn’t all of them, i think there might be five? but i’m just going to do the three that are most relevant or the most commonly seen I think, or the ones that I think about that will trip you up most likely, i think, when you’re pronouncing things.
so the one that everybody knows, or the one that everybody teaches first, i think is the two third tones in a row will cause the first third tone to turn into a second tone. so for example, in Yílíng Lǎozǔ. “Láozǔ”. the two characters by themselves are lǎo and zǔ, but because they’re right next to each other, it becomes láo, second tone, “láozǔ”. [NOTE: the pinyin will still be spelled as lǎozǔ. you will just automatically read it aloud as láozǔ] so instead of “lǎo zǔ”, it’s “láozǔ”.
and then, the second thing that a third tone does is that a third tone that is followed by anything that is not a third tone drops to a thing that is called a low tone, I know i said there are only four, but this is… here’s an example. [there is also the soft tone, which is kind of the absence of tone, but I’m not going to talk about it here haha] in liǎnfāng-zūn, jin guangyao’s title.
liǎnfāng-zūn, you can kinda hear it doesn’t really rise again at the liǎn, liǎn, liǎn, by itself it goes down up, like a valley, but when it’s followed by the rest of the title, liǎnfāng-zūn, it just kinda sits at the bottom and then jumps back up. liǎnfāng-zūn, liǎnfāng-zūn, it just kind of sits at the bottom as opposed to coming back up, so it’s still. it still follows the same curve, it just doesn’t quite come back up i think
i actually had to look that one up, because I was like. oh is that real? i hadn’t noticed it.
but the third tone on its own is just the third tone, so for example, in xuē yáng’s courtesy name, xuē chéngměi, měi, you can hear it there, it comes back up—oh birds!
so xuē chéngměi, měi. dǔh. [laugh]
[LOL I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THE THIRD SANDHI RULE I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT. you can read about it in the link to sandhi rules i’m going to post at the end of the post.]
so yeah, that’s pretty much it actually! hooray! I’m sure, I mean, chinese is a whole language, so it’s complicated, this won’t really get you to a point where you can read pinyin entirely, but i think those are like the basic rules that i use when i’m reading pinyin, but of course, i’ve been reading pinyin for a really long time, that was the primary way i engaged with chinese text for many many years because i was illiterate! i’m still pretty illiterate, but that’s okay. i’m getting better! but yeah, so like i said, this isn’t comprehensive. if it was horribly confusing, if there was stuff in it that just didn’t make any sense, you can ask me questions! I will try to answer them. my brother’s coming home today, and i’ve been using his desk to record because his room has been empty, so i’ll have to figure out something else. but for now, um, yeah!
okay, bye. :)
/end transcript
okay!! so here are the promised links:
tone sandhi rules
very useful interactive table where you can click on sounds to hear them read aloud! (linked to me by @nerd-bastard thank you so much!)
obviously the wikipedia page is very good, though it’s a little dense
@tonyglowheart sent me a thread of someone reading out mxtx names on twitter here! the reader has a different accent than i do (they say they sound like they’re from the northern mainland. i would guess my accent is probably closer to something near shanghai? since I learned pronunciation from my grandmother, and then of course tempered by my american upbringing)
I would probably recommend going back to the other pronunciation posts I made to see a variation of sounds written out with different tones? i feel like that would be helpful!
anyways WOO thanks for your patience, it’s been a minute. brain’s doing kinda oomf these days, but we’re gonna make it :’) state of the world is. something.
normally i would just link my ko-fi here, but this time, i’m going to say check out my donations tag or do your own research into someplace more in need to put your money instead. :)
#chinese#learning chinese#mdzs#pinyin#chinese pronunciation#cyan chinese school#lmfao#new tag i guess#mine#my voice#i have NO idea how useful this is but at this point#*yeets into the void*#long post#cyan help desk#cyan vs heritage#statistically average
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Q3 2021 DIMENSIONS ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULES & REVIEW
Members may earn up to 18 points for writing, by the end of September 30 KST:
Up to three solo paras of 400+ words based on their quarterly schedule (does not count toward your monthly limit). (three points each)
Up to three threads of eight posts (four per participant, including the starter) based on the monthly schedule. (three points each)
Threads and solos do not have to take place directly during an important date listed on the schedule, but must be related to what the muse is mentioned to be doing in the paragraph explaining their schedule/the company’s schedule and/or their thoughts on the mentioned activities or lack thereof.
These schedules may be updated if new information needs to be added.
Reminder: Please do not post schedule posts in the fmdschedule tag.
Schedule posts for this quarter can be tagged with #fmddmsq321.
OVERALL COMPANY
The whole company has been booked for a photo shoot for an inside spread in Singles Magazine’s September issue to accompany a feature where creative director Choi Dongwook will discuss the company’s rise and creative vision. All of the company’s idols will be in and out of the set that day and will be taking pictures intermingled between groups. (Admin note: there are no assigned groupings for photos OOC, but the shoot director and photographer would make the groupings in-’verse). Due to delays in the finishing touches being put on the Base Culture Complex, BC, Dimensions, and Gold Star have also banded together to get some mediaplay opportunities and good media karma in the name of base by hosting a community service event each month together. Idols are encouraged to participate for good press, but they are not required to.
Important dates:
July 19: Volunteering opportunity at an animal shelter with BC & Gold Star idols.
July 29: Singles Magazine September issue company photo shoot [2].
August 30: Volunteering opportunity at an orphanage with BC & Gold Star idols.
September 20-22: Chuseok (no group schedules).
September 27: Volunteering opportunity delivering meals to the elderly with BC & Gold Star idols.
GAL.ACTIC
Gal.actic turns ten this quarter, and for it, they’ll be holding two fanmeetings, one each in Seoul and Tokyo. The fanmeetings will be relaxed, with the itinerary consisting mostly of games and answering fan questions interlaced between performances of five of their past title tracks voted on by the fans to be performed beforehand (”Supa Dupa Diva”, “Would You Stay For Tea?”, “Sticky Sticky”, “A”, and “Someone Like U”). They’ll also be performing at festivals this quarter and, in August, they’ll begin to prepare for their next comeback, which is a little different than what they’ve done so far. They’ll record the single in the latter half of August and focus on choreography.
Important dates:
August 1: Performance at Suwon KT Wiz Supporters Festival in Suwon (also performing: Lipstick and Aria).
August 4: Performance at Daegu Chimaek Festival in Daegu (also performing: BEE, Lipstick, & Silhouette).
August 28: 10th Anniversary Fanmeeting at V-Hall Hongdae in Seoul.
September 4: 10th Anniversary Fanmeeting at K-Stage O! in Tokyo, Japan.
September 26: Performance at Hallyu Dream Concert in Gyeongju (also performing: Decipher, BEE, Lipstick, Knight, CHARM, Chroma Crystal, Alien, MARS, Lucid, Silhouette, Aria, Origin, Impulse, and Fuse.)
ALIEN
July is full of preparations, both for their upcoming comeback and their upcoming Japanese tour. They make their comeback in mid-August and while the songs weren’t chosen with the intention to appeal to the general public, they garner attention from more non-fans than usual and Alien finds themselves charting higher than they have since before their lawsuit. The interest they manage to gain from outside of their fandom causes some internal plan changes in Dimensions’ plans for them, but for Alien, it’s business as usual with music show promotions, fan signs, and a couple of festivals before they head out to Japan at the end of the quarter to begin their dome tour.
Important dates:
July 5: Alien Japan Dome Tour promotion materials and VCR shoot.
July 10: New Kids: Begin photo book shoot.
July 14: Alien Japan Dome Tour fittings.
July 25: "B-Day” M/V filming.
July 27: “Bling Bling” M/V filming.
August 16: Release of “Bling Bling” and “B-Day” & New Kids: Begin single album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through September 16.
August 20: Performance at Hangang Summer K-POP Festival in Seoul (also performing: BEE).
August 21: Fan sign in Mapo, Seoul.
August 22: Fan sign in Yeouido, Seoul.
September 16: End of “Bling Bling” and “B-Day” music show promotions.
September 17: Performance at Chinese International Students’ Festival (also performing: 7ROPHY, Lucid, Silhouette and Impulse).
September 18: Alien Japan Dome Tour concert at Kyocera Dome Osaka in Osaka, Japan.
September 25: Alien Japan Dome Tour concert at Seibu Prince Dome in Saitama, Japan.
September 26: Performance at Hallyu Dream Concert in Gyeongju (also performing: Decipher, BEE, Lipstick, Knight, CHARM, Chroma Crystal, Gal.actic, MARS, Lucid, Silhouette, Aria, Origin, Impulse, and Fuse.)
MARS
MARS gets the beginning of July off before they go into the studio in the later half of the month to record for their next comeback mini-album already. As usual, this means that the following month, August, is reserved for intensive choreography practice and fittings in the tail end so that they can finish preparing for their comeback in September. In September, they’ll finish off preparing the album and film the music video and teasers before they come back at the very end of the month. They come back too late in the quarter to see long-term of results for the comeback, but it seems “Twilight” will have a similar performance to their last comeback.
Important dates:
August 22: “Twilight” comeback fittings.
September 2: Raise Us photo book shoot.
September 15: “Twilight” M/V and concept teaser filming.
September 26: Performance at Hallyu Dream Concert in Gyeongju (also performing: Decipher, BEE, Lipstick, Knight, CHARM, Chroma Crystal, Gal.actic, Alien, Lucid, Silhouette, Aria, Origin, Impulse, and Fuse.)
September 29: Release of “Twilight” & Raise Us mini-album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through October 29.
September 30: Fan sign in Dongjak, Seoul.
7ROPHY
Almost as soon as “Uh Oh” promotions end, the members of 7ROPHY fly out to New York from July 4 to July 7, in part to film a special performance video. The performance video isn’t the only reason the members are in town though, as they’ll be dropping by Republic Records in the city, who Dimensions has recently partnered with to sign 7ROPHY on with for further US promotions. The deal will be announced to the press in the back half of July. As soon as they get back to Seoul, they’ll go into the studio to record their next comeback. It’s another fast turnaround, but the last comeback planned for them for the year and a second attempt at a summer hit. They’ll be getting the choreography down in July as well, so that they’re prepared for filming the MV and making their comeback in August. They’ll spend the end of August and most of September promoting the song through music shows and a few festival performances.
Important dates:
July 2: End of “Uh Oh” music show promotions.
July 5: Be Original “Uh Oh” In New York video filming.
July 20: “Dumdi Dumdi” comeback fittings.
August 1: Dumdi Dumdi photo book shoot.
August 11: “Dumdi Dumdi” M/V filming.
August 16: Muply Special Performance Video filming (to be released: August 24).
August 18: 1theK Take #1 Performance Video filming (to be released: August 23).
August 19: Dingo Music Performance Video filming (to be released: August 27).
August 23: Release of “Dumdi Dumdi” & Dumdi Dumdi single album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through September 23.
August 26: Relay dance video filming.
August 29: Dingo Music Messed Up Studio video filming (to be released: August 31).
September 16: Performance [2] [3] [4] at Seoul National University of Technology Festival
September 17: Performance at Chinese International Students’ Festival (also performing: Alien, Lucid, Silhouette, and Impulse).
September 23: End of ‘Dumdi Dumdi” music show promotions.
September 29: Performance at Cheonan World Dance Festival in Cheonan (also performing: Lucid, Silhouette, and Fuse).
UNITY
Unity is slated to come back twice in the second half of the year, first with a single and then an album that serves as a part two to the one they already released this year. They’ll record the new songs on the album (line distribution) in July, and then prepare for their single release with choreography and fittings in August while the members of the CHAMPION subunit also focus on preparing for their comeback promotions. In September, they’ll film the single MV and shoot the teaser photos to prepare to make their comeback with it early in quarter four.
Important dates:
July 26: Performance at Ulsan Music Festival in Ulsan (also performing: Decipher, Lipstick, Knight, CHARM, Aria, Impulse, Fuse, Femme Fatale, and Vive).
August 22: “90s Love” comeback fittings.
September 19: “90s Love” teaser photo shoot.
September 23: “90s Love” M/V filming.
↳ CHAMPION
The third quarter houses the bulk of their comeback promotions. After recording the single last quarter in June, they do fittings and the teaser photo shoot in July in between learning and rehearsing the single’s choreography. In August, they keep practicing their performance and film the MV, and then finally make their comeback in September, promoting through the rest of the month to the very beginning of October. Mid-month, they win their first award as a sub-unit, the Seoul Mayor Award.
Important dates:
July 15: “100″ comeback fittings.
July 28: “100″ teaser photo shoot.
August 14: “100″ M/V filming.
September 2: “100″ M/V reaction filming.
September 3: Release of “100” single + press showcase, music show promotions continue through October 3.
September 8: Pre-filming of performance on Good Morning America (to be aired: September 9).
September 15: Attendance at Newsis K-Expo awards in Seoul.
LUCID
On the heels of the success of “Love Whisper”, Lucid finishes recording the added songs for their repackage in July shortly after their comeback promotions finish. Another appearance on Immortal Songs 2 precedes that and they’ve made themselves at home after a few appearances on the show now. They don’t win, but it’s more exposure, and that’s what counts. Fittings and photo book shoots from the repackage album occur in August, the same month they’re going over the choreography for the first time with the relentless hours Dimensions requires of them to keep up their reputation for clean choreography execution. The music video is filmed two weeks before they make their comeback, and while it does well, it doesn’t quite get the attention “Love Whisper” did, becoming the first of their normal realm releases not to peak in the top ten of Gaon since their debut.
Important dates:
July 2: Fan sign in Daejeon.
July 3: Fan sign in Mapo, Seoul.
July 9: Fan sign in Dongjak, Seoul.
July 10: Fan sign in Gimpo.
July 11: Fan sign in Seodaemun, Seoul.
July 14: Immortal Songs 2 filming (to be aired: July 26).
July 15: End of “Love Whisper music show promotions.
August 14: “Summer Rain” comeback fittings.
August 21: Rainbow photo book shoot.
September 1: “Summer Rain” M/V filming.
September 15: Release of “Summer Rain” & Rainbow mini-album + press showcase, music show promotions continue through October 15.
September 16: Relay Dance video filming.
September 17: Performance at Chinese International Students’ Festival (also performing: Alien, 7ROPHY, Silhouette and Impulse).
September 18: Fan sign in Mapo, Seoul.
September 19: Fan sign in Incheon.
September 24: Performance at Sungkyunkwan University Festival.
September 25: Fan sign in Mapo, Seoul.
September 26: Performance at Hallyu Dream Concert in Gyeongju (also performing: Decipher, BEE, Lipstick, Knight, CHARM, Chroma Crystal, Gal.actic, Alien, MARS, Silhouette, Aria, Origin, Impulse, and Fuse.)
September 29: Performance at Cheonan World Dance Festival in Cheonan (also performing: 7ROPHY, Silhouette, and Fuse).
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Angels & Devils Part XIV : Who’s a Liar?
Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction
~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17
~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun
~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle
~ l a n g u a g e : English
~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.)
~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo
The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation
~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose?
Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past
MO Academy: her new high school
Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy
Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep
5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?
“Yeonjun, I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
“Baby, please, wait. Please, take 3 deep breaths and try to calm down. Hear me out. Please.”
“Yeonjun, no. I can’t do this. I don’t know how I can possibly get past this. I don’t think I could ever let this go.”
“So what do you want to happen now? What do you want me to do? Tell me anything, and I’ll do it. Baby, I’ll do anything for you. Just please tell me how I can make this right.”
“You want to know what I want to happen? I want this to stop. This, us, this evening, this pain, this nightmare, I just want this all to stop. I think the best thing you could do for me now is just let me go, don’t make this hurt any more than it already does. Just let me go. Yeonjun, please, just let me go.”
“Baby, please, don’t.”
“This is goodbye, Yeonjun. I’m breaking up with you.”
3 weeks before…
The past couple of weeks have been difficult for Soobin.
First, the Fall Ball was coming up, and as Student Council president, it was a bit of a burden on him. The Fall Ball was one of the biggest social events at MOA, and it was the first of the 3 annual school dances that took place at the school every year, followed by the Winter Formal and Prom for the Seniors. The Student Council, along with the respective committees in charge of the Fall Ball, had been meeting at least thrice every week now.
Second, he’d been trying his best to keep his distance from Yeonjun and B. Knowing what he knew about what happened the night of Yeonjun’s birthday party 2 weeks ago, he felt as if there was a ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment. So far, Yeonjun had showed no signs of recalling just how far things with Rose went that night, and B hadn’t shown any signs of remembering the conversation that she and Soobin shared in the utility closet while she was crying her eyes out, which ended with him admitting that he currently had feelings for her, which he was really struggling with.
And third, he just seemed to be falling more and more for her everyday. No matter how much he tried to keep her at a distance, the little smiles she’d send his way and the mere way she said his name just made his heart flutter every damn time. The butterflies in his stomach were inescapable.
He felt guilty for thinking it, but on more than one occasion he’d fantasized about having B as his date for the Fall Ball. He’d imagined what it would be like to drive to her apartment on the night of the ball, and how breathtaking she’d look as she’d greet him at her apartment door wearing the most gorgeous dress, how her eyes would sparkle when they’d take pictures at the photobooth before the dance, how tender she’d feel in his arms as they slow-danced in the middle of the school’s event hall, and even the things that they could do after the dance, which may or may not have included the tantalizing thought of him unzipping her dress to reveal her slender bare back and more.
His imaginations of everything that he wanted to do with B’s bare skin made Soobin feel guilty, but he couldn’t stop the fantasies from playing in his mind from time to time. He found that the best way to shut them down was to remind himself that Yeonjun had probably already seen or done everything that Soobin could only fantasize about, which effectively made Soobin feel sick to his stomach. He didn’t know just how far Yeonjun had taken things with B, but he had definitely insinuated that they’ve done more than just make out, and frankly, Soobin didn’t want to know just how much more.
Besides, Soobin was well aware that his thoughts were nothing more than fantasies, that Yeonjun would be taking B to the Fall Ball, and that his reality would probably end up with him ensuring that the event would be running smoothly the whole evening, too busy to actually dance with his date, if he’d even have one.
Taehyun had tried, on more than one occasion, to suggest who he should take as his date to the Fall Ball.
“How about Tyuzu, that shy girl in your Maths class? She seems really nice and graceful, and with her height I’m sure you 2 would look amazing together.” Taehyun suggests. It was lunch time, and the 6 of them were sitting at their gazebo. Yeonjun and B were busy feeding each other and giving each other googly eyes, while Beomgyu and Kai seemed to be laughing over a video Kai had seen on Twitter.
“Chou Tzuyu? She is really nice, kinda shy, and I have to admit that she’s very pretty.” Soobin says, considering Taehyun’s suggestion. “But I don’t know if I can ask her, we’ve never had any conversations before so it would be a bit weird, she might say no.”
Kai lets out a snort. “Yeah right. Soobin, do you know how many girls at this school would go crazy if you asked them to be your date to the Fall Ball? Have you forgotten who you are?” he says. “Heck, remember that one year when a couple of girls asked you to be their date? I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens again this year.”
Beomgyu nods in agreement. “That’s right, you’re Choi fucking Soobin! President of the Student Council, Ecosave club ambassador, president of the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of MO Academy’s elite Basketball team, a main vocalist of the Jazzed club!” he exclaims, holding his hands up in the air as if there were a billboard with Soobin’s name on it. “Choi fucking Soobin.”
Soobin laughs, embarrassed. “Thanks you guys, but I don’t think I’ll be taking a date this year.”
“No, what about Tzuyu? I’ve been thinking about who the perfect date for you would be, and after much consideration and deliberation, I know she’s the one.” Taehyun says.
“And she seems great, Tyun, and thanks but no thanks. Why don’t you ask her instead?” Soobin suggests, politely turning down his suggestion.
“I would, but she’s too tall for me.” Taehyun grumbles. “Plus, there’s already someone else I wanna go with.” he says, subtly shooting a look in Beomgyu’s direction. Noticing this, the ever-so-confident Choi Beomgyu looks flustered for a moment, not expecting the sudden interaction.
“Oh? Our Taehyunie actually has a date in mind?” Kai says excitedly. “Finally! Who’s the lucky date?”
“I haven’t asked them yet, so still no date for me.” Taehyun backtracks. “What about you, Hyuka? You got a date in mind?”
Now it was the younger boy’s turn to be flustered. “I, uh, I’m kinda dating Yuna, and we already agreed to go to the Fall Ball together.” he mumbles.
“Whoa, you asked Yuna out? Why didn’t you tell us!” Beomgyu exclaims, surprised.
“I’m sorry, I thought I did!” Kai says defensively. “I definitely told B about it though. Right, Baba?” he says, turning to B.
B breaks out of the little love bubble she shared with Yeonjun and nods. “Yup, and I think you 2 are adorable.” she says. “Yuna, Ryu and I will probably be going dress shopping this weekend. Do you have any preferences? Anything in particular you wanna see her wear? Any color or style in mind?”
Kai starts to blush. “N—Not really, I think she’d look great no matter what she wears.”
The whole group in the gazebo collectively goes “Aw.”
“Sounds like our darling boy is in love.” Soobin says affectionately, ruffling his hair. “Yuna’s a lucky girl! No wonder you seem like you’ve had your head in the clouds lately.”
“Oh stop it.” Kai huffs, his cheeks heating up as he tries to brush away Soobin’s hand. “At least I have a date. Really, Soobin, you could ask literally any girl in this school and she’d say yes.”
Except the one girl I actually want to ask, Soobin thinks to himself, his eyes sneaking a quick glance at B, who currently had Yeonjun’s arm casually wrapped around her shoulders as he absentmindedly scrolled through his phone and she continued to tease Kai about his new relationship.
B was pretty, but it wasn’t like she was the prettiest girl in the world. Heck, he knew that there were a lot of other pretty girls at MOA, so he didn’t know why he was so captivated by her. Soobin had never considered himself to be the kind of guy who’d have a type, so he didn’t know what exactly made someone attractive to him. He just found himself attracted, and he had no idea why. Out of all the girls at MOA, why did she have to be the one to catch his attention?
At that exact moment, B turns her head towards him and their eyes meet. She breaks into a giggle, causing Soobin’s heart to skip a beat. He starts to panic as he realizes that she had caught him staring.
“Soobin? Do you want my help in the date department?” she asks teasingly.
“Ah, nope, I think I’m good. I really don’t think I’ll be asking anyway to be my date this year.” Soobin says, flustered by her catching him staring at her.
“Dude, it’s our last year and it’s our last Fall Ball. Are you sure you want to do it solo?” Yeonjun pipes in.
Soobin shrugs. “I don’t mind, really. I’ll focus more on organizing it and making sure everyone has a good time, so being dateless is alright with me.”
B sighs. “What a shame, you could’ve made one very lucky girl at MOA really happy.” she says. “But whatever you say, Soobinie. Just make sure you let yourself enjoy the Fall Ball as well instead of just focusing on everyone else having fun, alright?”
Soobin nods. “I will, don’t worry.”
Once that was settled, the school bell rings then, signaling the end of their lunch break. The group pack up their stuff and walk back to the main building, going their separate ways to class.
•°•
2 weeks before…
“Hey Tyun, do you have a date to the Fall Ball yet?” Soobin asks absentmindedly, his eyes on the screen and his fingers expertly smashing buttons on the controller as he did his best to beat Kai at this round of Tekken. It was Saturday, and the guys had come over to his place to play video games.
Taehyun sighs, scrolling through his phone while the boys focused on their video game. “No, Soobin, I don’t. I haven’t had the chance to ask yet.” Which was true. It was only when Taehyun had started seeing someone in their friend group when he realized just how hard it was to be dating someone in the same friend group, especially when they he and Beomgyu had both agreed to keep things lowkey. He could see now why Yeonjun and B hadn’t told anyone about their relationship when they first started dating.
He thought it would be easy, since he and Beomgyu saw each other everyday, ate lunch together everyday, hung out at his family’s café after school everyday, and even got to hang out during the weekends. The problem was that the 2 could never find time to themselves, the rest of the friend group always seemed adamant on hanging out together, and if both of the boys would say no to hanging out at Soobin’s place on Saturdays, then it would come off as suspicious. Whenever they were together, they could hardly sneak in some quick hand holding, much more a few private words between them.
His eyes dart to Beomgyu, who was sitting in the middle of Soobin and Kai on the sofa. He looked adorable between the 2 giants of the group, sitting with his legs tucked under him, making him look extra tiny. Taehyun’s heart fluttered when Beomgyu meets his gaze and gives him an understanding smile, which he returns.
Taehyun knew that he could just ask Beomgyu to be his date through text, but Taehyun was a bit of a romantic. For the past year, he could only ever fantasize of what it would be like to kiss Beomgyu, of how soft his hands would feel, of the warmth of his body if he were to embrace him, of dancing with him in the middle of the floor at one of MOA’s school dances. Now that it was all a reality, he wanted everything to be perfect, or to at least be able to ask him in person.
“What, why haven’t you asked yet?” Soobin exclaims, surprised. “Kang Taehyun, are you…nervous?”
Kai bursts out laughing at the thought. “Taehyun? Nervous? Please, I bet that word isn’t even in his vocabulary.” he says, keeping his eyes on the screen. “If anyone should be nervous, it should be whoever Taehyun plans on asking. No offense, Tyun, but you are intimidating as hell. Even as your friend, I would probably pee myself out of nervousness if you wanted to ask me to the dance.”
“Lucky for you I don’t want to ask you, then.” Taehyun replies dryly. His brows furrow together with worry. “Am I really that scary?” He knew he had a reputation at MOA, that everyone had him on a pedestal as this perfect untouchable being, that most students were afraid to speak to him unless he acknowledged them first, but he didn’t think even his friends would feel that way.
“No, I don’t think so. Hyuka’s just saying that cause he’s scared of you but I don’t think you’re that intimidating, but that might be cause I’m the oldest one here.” Yeonjun pipes in, his eyes on his phone. “What do you think, Gyu? Is Taehyun scary or is Kai just a scaredy cat?”
Kai lets out a “Hey!” in protest, but Taehyun’s focus is on Beomgyu now, who tapped a finger on his chin as he thought of his response. “No, I don’t think Taehyun’s scary at all. In fact, I think he’s adorable. Like a cute little squirrel, with his big eyes and his fluffy hair.” he says thoughtfully, smiling fondly at the said boy. “In fact, contrary to what Kai thinks, I’d be ecstatic if I knew that Taehyun would like to ask me to the dance.”
Taehyun feels heat start to creep into his cheeks, flustered by Beomgyu’s opinion. “Really? You’d be ecstatic?” he says, not really knowing what else to say.
Beomgyu nods. “Definitely. I would say yes, without a doubt.” he says, his smile growing.
Without a second thought, Taehyun suddenly says “So do it, then. Be my date. Go to the dance with me. Say yes.”
Once his words register, everyone goes still, their heads all turning towards him, as if he had just transformed into a squirrel in front of them. Taehyun didn’t think he’d just blurt it out, but the words came out of his mouth before he could even think about it. He knew they were all looking at him as if he were crazy, but he only had eyes on Beomgyu, who was looking at him with wide eyes, caught by surprise.
After a moment, Beomgyu’s smile grows even wider as he says “Yes. I’ll be your date. I’ll go to the dance with you. Without a doubt.”
Taehyun can’t stop himself from smiling upon hearing this, his jaw stretching out to its limit and his eyes crinkling with glee. Meanwhile, their friends suddenly unpause, jumping out of their seats and staring at the 2 boys.
“Oh my god! What just happened?” Kai exclaims, covering his mouth with his hand to stop himself from smiling.
“Wait, Tyun, when you told me you’ve been in love with someone for like a year now, was it Beomgyu this whole time?” Soobin says, the realization hitting him like a truck.
Taehyun nods. “Yes, but there’s no need to talk about that.” he says, trying to politely tell Soobin to keep his mouth shut. Now, he was shy.
“In love, hm?” Beomgyu says teasingly, standing up as well to walk over to Taehyun. “For a whole year? Didn’t know you had it that bad for me, Tyun.”
“Don’t let it get to your head now, just cause you’re my date.” Taehyun says casually, trying to hide his giddiness. Beomgyu was his date. He was going to the Fall Ball with Beomgyu.
Yeonjun walks over to the 2 and envelops them into a hug, squishing them together. “I’m so, so happy for you two.” he says wholeheartedly.
“Thanks, YJ.” Beomgyu says, laughing as Yeonjun squeezes them even tighter.
“Congratulations you two! I’m so happy!” Soobin squeals, joining the group hug.
“Congrats! I’m happy, too!” Kai says, trying his best to wrap his arms around the 4 older boys. “What should we call you now? Beomhyun? Taegyu? Tyugyu?” he says playfully.
“You’ll call us Tyun and Gyu cause that’s who we are.” Taehyun responds. “Look, I love you guys, and I’d like to thank you all for being happy for us, but I can’t feel my ribs so please let go now.” he manages to say, trying his best to wiggle his way out of the group hug, which was impossible since he was right in the middle of it.
“No, I want this moment to last forever. So happy for you guys.” Kai coos, squeezing even harder.
“Hey, please don’t crush my date!” Beomgyu laughs, attempting to protect Taehyun from being squeezed to death.
“You heard Gyu, hands off his date!” Soobin says, stepping away from the group. The 2 other boys hesitantly follow suit, leaving Beomgyu and Taehyun standing together in the center. The two boys look at each other, their eyes both sparkling with joy as Beomgyu reached out and took Taehyun’s hand in his.
“My date.” Beomgyu says, keeping his eyes on his boy. Once again, Taehyun can feel his cheeks go red, and it takes his entire willpower to stop himself from leaning in and kissing Beomgyu right then and there.
Their 3 friends coo and squeal in awe, amazed at what they were seeing.
“How are you 2 so sweet? How did this happen without any of us suspecting anything?” Soobin asks curiously, looking at the 2 with a bit of jealousy. Why couldn’t he have what they did?
“Actually, yes, I think we all want to know how exactly this happened.” Yeonjun agrees, taking a seat on the sofa.
“Will you tell us? Please? I wanna hear a love story.” Kai says, plopping himself down next to Yeonjun and giving the 2 boys puppy dog eyes. Soobin soon follows, seating himself on the couch, and looks at the 2 pleadingly.
“Alright, children, settle down.” Beomgyu says, taking over. “Allow me to tell you the story of how Tyun fell head over heels in love with me—”
“Oh shut up, you’re the one who kissed me first.” Taehyun says, making the 3 boys gasp.
“B—but, no! That was a game!” Beomgyu interjects, referring to the game of Kiss or Tell at Yeonjun’s birthday party. “I panicked and kissed you cause you were gonna tell everyone about that one time we tried this new Ramen place near the subway and I ended up shitti—”
“You know that’s not the kiss I was talking about.” Taehyun cuts him off, echoing the exact words Beomgyu had said to him when they first talked about it at Kang’s café. Beomgyu’s face goes red as the 3 boys practically die of curiosity.
“Oh my god, Gyu kissed Tyun? After the game?” Kai screeches, unable to stop his dolphin-like squeals from coming out due to his excitement.
Taehyun nods. “There’s not much to it, really. He kissed me during that game, then he kissed me again after, we talked about it. We started kissing and talking more, and then I asked him to be my date today in front of you guys.” he says matter-of-factly.
“Don’t forget the part where Soobin said you’ve been in love with me for a year now.” Beomgyu butts in, recovering from his flustered state.
“Soobin, you’re lucky I like you and consider you as one of my closest friends.” Taehyun says, looking at him pointedly.
Soobin laughs nervously, knowing that he was referring to the fact that he told Taehyun practically everything about his feelings for B. “Yeah, thanks, Tyun.” he says sheepishly.
Taehyun simply nods at him, signaling that his secret was still safe with him. “Now that we’re all caught up on me and Gyu’s history, can we let it go and move on now?” he says, not really used to being in the spotlight for anything other than his academic achievements or extracurricular talents. And he definitely wasn’t used to being fawned over for his love life, which had been nonexistent up until that moment.
The 3 boys nod. “Okay okay, let’s talk about something else. How about the Fall Ball? What will you guys be wearing?” Kai asks, gamely changing the topic.
“Yeah, I mean, a suit? What else?” Yeonjun says. “I have like a hundred suits just waiting to be worn, I just have to pick one out.”
Beomgyu nods. “I’ve got some suits at home too.”
“I don’t have a suit yet.” Taehyun says quietly, as if he were a bit shy and embarrassed. “I—I kind of just rent a suit every time I have to attend an event that requires it because…” Because I can’t afford to buy it, he wanted to admit. Even with the scholarship, it was hard to maintain his lifestyle as a student of MO Academy. He did his best so that it wouldn’t be a financial burden to his family. He walked to and from school everyday, brought packed lunches, recycled notebooks and used textbooks, and worked part time at the café so his family wouldn’t need to pay for an extra set of hands.
Being one of the school’s scholarship kids never bothered him much, especially since he knew his performance as a student was exemplary and he knew he deserved the honor of studying at such a prestigious school, but he couldn’t stop himself from those moments when he just couldn’t afford to live as lavishly as his friends did. But when he saw his friends’ faces showing that they understood, he felt like he didn’t have to say it out loud.
Beomgyu clicks his tongue, looking at him playfully with disapproval. “No way, my date deserves to own a suit. The most handsome guy at MO Academy, apart from myself of course, should definitely own a suit.” he says, smiling at Taehyun thoughtfully. “What do you say, I take you out shopping tomorrow? We can go to the shopping center near that subway station, I could meet you there for lunch?”
Taehyun beams at him then, nodding his head. “It’s a date.”
“Our first one.” Beomgyu says, winking at him.
“But the fact still stands that I can’t…afford to buy a suit.” Taehyun says sheepishly.
“Darling, don’t worry about that. I’ll get you a suit as pretty as your face, which is impossible because you are the prettiest person I’ve ever seen, but I can sure as hell try.” Beomgyu says, lifting a hand up to cup Taehyun’s cheek, making him blush.
“Alright, but nothing too extravagant, and definitely no designer brands.” Taehyun says, giving in. “And I’m buying you lunch.”
Beomgyu beams. He didn’t think Taehyun would say yes, but he was set on buying him a suit whether he wanted it or not anyway. “Deal.”
The 3 boys watching them from couch squirm, trying their best to hold in their awe, but upon seeing that, Kai couldn’t hold it in any longer.
To everyone’s surprise, Kai lets out a squeal, making them all jump and stare at him. “You guys are so cute, I wanna cry.” he says, making them all laugh fondly at the youngest boy.
“We are adorable, aren’t we?” Taehyun says, wrapping an arm around Beomgyu’s waist.
“Couple of the year.” Beomgyu agrees, kissing the top of his head. “So what kind of suit do you want?”
“Just a standard black suit, so I can wear it to any occasion.” Taehyun says. “I mean, it’s not like there’s a wide spectrum of styles to choose from anyway.”
“This topic would’ve been more fun to talk about if we were girls.” Soobin pipes in thoughtfully. “It’s kinda boring how guys just wear the same thing for every formal event. Meanwhile, girls can pick any dress color and any style of dress they want!” he says, suddenly going on a mini rant. “It seems so fun in movies when girls go dress shopping and fix up their hair and do their makeup before a big event. I wish guys could experience the same thing. Shopping and getting all dressed up and excited for a big night sounds so fun.”
“Speaking of girls going shopping, I’m pretty sure Baby, Yuna and Ryujin are doing exactly that right now.” Yeonjun says, taking out his phone and tapping it a few times before holding it up to his ear. “Hello? Baby?”
“Yes?”
“I—I was talking to her, not you, Gyu.” Yeonjun says, surprised when Beomgyu responded. The boys in the room snicker, and Taehyun smacks his arm.
“Baby? You there?”
‘Hey there, yes I’m here with Lia and Ryu.’ B responds over the phone.
“Hey Baby. Ah, dress shopping, I presume?” Yeonjun says knowingly.
‘Yup! We’ve been walking around and trying on dresses for what feels like decades. I think this is the 5th shop we’ve been in. I’m exhausted.’ B says, and she did sound tired.
Yeonjun pouts. “Oh no, is my baby tired? Want me to come over and help you girls? I can carry all your bags and stuff.” he offers.
B giggles. ‘Thanks, but I think we’re good here. I don’t want to interrupt your time with the guys, plus I kind of don’t want you to see my dress until the Fall Ball. I want it to be a surprise.’ she says mysteriously.
“Oh, you have a dress already? No fair, I wanna see it! Send me pictures please.” Yeonjun says pleadingly.
‘Well, no, but I’ve tried on a few dresses that I might end up buying so I have a few prospects. And no, I want it to be surprise!’ she laughs. ‘I gotta go, we have to finish this by 6pm and we haven’t even thought about looking at shoes yet. See you later, and say hi to the boys for me!’ B says quickly before hanging up.
“Was that Yeonjun?” Ryujin asks as B puts her phone away.
B nods. “Yup, he was just checking in.” she says, going back to scanning the clothing rack for any dress that would catch her eye. “God, I hate shopping. I’m so tired, and I haven’t even bought anything yet. This feels hopeless.”
“Hey, lighten up, this is supposed to be fun!” Ryujin laughs. “Why haven’t you bought anything yet? I thought that blue dress you tried on at the shop before this one looked amazing on you. The one with the thigh high slit? It was gorgeous.”
B bites her lip. The dress was gorgeous, but she didn’t feel gorgeous when she wore it. The truth was, the closer the Fall Ball was getting, the more self-conscious she was growing about her body. She had strived to maintain her slim figure. She had always watched what she eats and tried her best to get in some exercise whenever she could, but ever since she moved away from her home, she hadn’t been able to find the time or the equipment to exercise, and she felt like it was starting to show. “Honestly, I thought I looked a bit fat, but I’ll keep the dress in mind. I think I can lose a few pounds in 2 weeks, right?”
Ryujin’s jaw drops as B says this. “Fat? Please tell me you’re joking.” she says, horrified. “B, no offense, but you could use a few extra pounds. I love you, I love how you look, but sometimes when I hug you I feel like I could snap you in half.” Ryujin admits.
“Ryu, no, I just feel like if I lost some of this fat right under my belly button, any dress would look just right.” B says, pinching the nonexistent fat.
“Please don’t.” Ryujin says. “If I see you dieting, I will force feed you. You are beautiful just the way you are, and if you don’t see that, then maybe you just need a little nudge, or a gently shove.”
Just then, Yuna calls the girls to the dressing room. “Guys! Come look, I think I’ve just found the perfect dress!” she squeals.
As the 2 girls head over to the dressing room, Yuna pulls aside the curtain and steps out of the booth dramatically, giving a twirl and a pose. “Ta-dah! What do you guys think?”
Ryujin and B looked at her in awe. She was wearing a satin gold slip dress that elegantly hung off her frame, highlighting her delicate shoulders and accentuating her long legs. The dress was held up by thin straps and fell down right above her knees.
“You look amazing.” B says. “Kai is going to love this.”
“Yes. Absolutely yes.” Ryujin says, howling with approval. “Damn, I wish I could pull off a slip dress. It’s like the right amount of chic and sexy.”
“Ryujin, please, you’d slay anything you wear.” Yuna says, blushing from their compliments.
“Easy for you to say, I’ve got man shoulders and thick thighs. Not exactly the right body fit for a dress.” Ryujin groans.
“Don’t say that!” B says. “You look good no matter what you wear!”
“Ha, and now you know how I feel about you saying the same thing.” Ryujin says, referring to their conversation earlier. “Let’s just agree that we’re all gorgeous and that we’re all gonna rock whatever dresses we buy today, alright?”
B giggles, realizing how Ryujin had cleverly turned the tables on her. “Alright. But Yuna, you definitely have to get that dress. It’s perfect.”
“Only if you get that gorgeous blue dress you tried on earlier.” Yuna sing songs. “The one with the slit. I can’t believe you didn’t get it right then and there. You looked amazing! Like the Greek goddess of the sea or something.”
“Yuna, the Greek god of the sea is Poseidon.” Ryujin informs her.
Yuna simply shrugs and cheekily says “God is a woman.” before turning back to her reflection in the fitting room.
B laughs. “Fine fine, after you buy that dress, let’s go back to the previous store and I’ll buy the blue dress. I guess it was perfect. The only thing I didn’t like about it was that I couldn’t unzip it on my own. My arms couldn’t reach the zipper.” B huffs.
“That won’t be a problem when you wear it for the Fall Ball since you’ll have Yeonjun to unzip it for you.” Ryujin says teasingly.
B blushes bright red. “Ryu! Don’t say that in front of our baby.” she shushes, motioning to Yuna, who was too busy twirling around and admiring her dress in the mirror to notice what the 2 girls were talking about. “We agreed to keep our discussions PG in front of her.”
“Don’t worry, when you put her in front of a mirror, she could stare at herself for hours.” Ryujin says dismissively. “Also, yes we did, but things between you and Yeonjun definitely aren’t PG anymore.”
It was true. Over the past few weeks, things with Yeonjun had advanced faster than she realized. They quickly went from kissing and caressing to, well, let’s just say that the kisses have gone below the neck and that the caresses have gone under their clothes.
B’s cheeks burn even hotter as the non-PG moments she shared with Yeonjun began to play in her mind. “I—well, yeah, but we shouldn’t be talking about it in front of Yuna.” B says, trying to steer away from the conversation.
Ryujin decides to steer them away from Yuna instead, leading B out of the fitting rooms and back into the racks of dresses, out of earshot. “Okay, now that Yuna’s out of the way, I want to talk to you about this.” she says, trying to maintain eye contact with B. “I know things with Yeonjun have been going great, and although I have an idea of just how far things between you two have gone, there’s just something I wanna say.”
“Alright then, what is it?” B asks, ready to hear whatever sex advice Ryujin would tell her.
“I just want to say, be careful. Your first time should be special, with someone special, and if you decide that going all the way with Yeonjun on the night of the Fall Ball will be the way to do it, then I’m 100% routing for you. But I just want to make sure that you’re 100% sure about it too.” Ryujin says, completely sincere. “And you don’t have to tell me whether or not you decide to do it, you don’t have to let me know because that’s between you and Yeonjun, but I want you to know that I’m always here if you want or need someone to talk to about it, okay?”
B blinks a couple of times, surprised by Ryujin’s sudden advice. She always pegged Ryujin to be the supportive friend who’d bring out the inner hoe goddess in her, but seeing how genuine and concerned she was made B feel a newfound fondness for her.
“Aw, Ryu, you’re so sweet.” B says, unable to stop herself from wrapping her arms around her friend. “Thank you. I promise, I’ll only do it when I’m 100% sure and ready. And I promise I’ll let you be the first to know all about it, not because I feel the need to, but because I want to.” B says, winking.
Ryujin chuckles. “Alright, but I don’t want to hear any gorey details.” she says. “Now, let’s pull Yuna out of the dressing room and to the cashier so we can buy our dresses and get the hell out of here.”
•°•
1 week before…
“Soobin! Soobinie! Hey!”
Soobin turns to look back, stopping his tracks in the middle of the hallway. He was on his way to meet up with his friends at their gazebo for lunch when a familiar voice called out his name in the hallway.
As he turns around, he’s surprised to find his cousin, Choi Arin, waving at him. He smiled and waved back, not noticing that she had a friend with her. He stays still as the 2 girls approach him. “Arin, hey, what’s up?” he asks politely. Even though he and Arin were cousins and grew up seeing each other on family occasions, he never seemed to see her around MOA. They never shared any classes together, they didn’t have any mutual extracurricular interests, and they had completely different social circles. Arin’s friend group consisted solely of girls, and until recently, Soobin’s friend group was composed of all boys. He had mentioned before that he had a cousin who studied at MOA, but he never really got the chance to introduce her to any of his friends.
“What’s up? I feel like I haven’t see you in forever!” Arin says, playfully hitting his arm. “I guess Mr. Student Council President is too busy to check up on his cousin?”
“Ah, I’m really sorry I haven’t been able to see you around campus lately. Senior has been hectic, especially these past few weeks with the Fall Ball coming up.” Soobin says apologetically. “I promise, when the whole Fall Ball thing is over, we’ll hang out, alright?” he offers.
Arin laughs lightheartedly. “Lighten up Soobin, I was just teasing! I do miss seeing you around though, and maybe we could hang out even earlier? Say, the night of the Fall Ball? I have you don’t have a date yet, is it true?”
Soobin rubs the back of his neck, flustered at the topic of his date, or lack thereof. “Um, yeah, no date for me, but it’s completely fine with me. I didn’t really have anyone I wanted to ask to the Fall Ball anyway.”
“Oh is that so?” Arin says mischievously. It’s only then when she steps aside and pulls her friend forward, introducing her to Soobin. “Soobin, this is my friend Yiren. She also does not have a date to the Fall Ball.”
Ah, so this was where this was going.
“Hello, Yiren, it’s nice to meet you.” Soobin says politely, putting on a charming smile. Yiren blushes visibly and says hi back.
“Now Soobin, I was wondering if you could help my friend Yiren here about her dateless situation?” Arin says, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Soobin knew that she wanted him to ask Yiren to the dance now, but he didn’t have the heart to force himself to go to the dance with someone he didn’t know. It wouldn’t be fair to Yiren to spend her evening with someone who was too busy wishing they were dancing with someone else to even pay attention to her.
Instead, Soobin quickly scans the hallway for any familiar face, until he spots one. “Oh, Jangun!” he says, spotting the boy walking out from one of the classrooms along the hall. “Jangjun, come here!” Soobin calls, motioning him over. When the boy notices Soobin calling him over, his face lights up and he waves back, quickly making his way to meet them.
“Soobin, hey!” Jangjun says excitedly. “You called me over?” Soobin had always thought that Jangjun was a nice guy, he was one of the students at campus that Soobin considered as his friend outside of his friend group. Jangjun was always willing to help in any way he could, and boy could Soobin sure use his help now.
“Jangjun, yeah, I just wanted to know if you have any plans for the Fall Ball. You taking anyone?” Soobin asks.
“Oh, no, sadly I was too busy dealing with some family business these past few weeks. I didn’t notice that the Fall Ball was getting closer until it was too late. It’s 1 week away and I still don’t have a date, so I thought it seemed hopeless to try to look for one now.” Jangjun admits, genuinely bummed out.
Soobin deliberately lightens up, straightening out his posture and tilting his head up, as if he was hit by a stroke of genius. “Ah, it’s never too late! Jangjun, this is my cousin’s friend. Her name is Yiren, and my dearest cousin Arin has just informed me that she doesn’t have a date yet either.” he says, stepping aside as he introduces the two to each other.
“Yiren, yes hi, I’ve seen you around. I think we had Biology together last year.” Jangjun says, smiling brightly at her. “I’m Jangjun, nice to meet you.”
Yiren smiles shyly at him. “Hi Jangjun, I’m Yiren. It’s nice to meet you too.”
“Well, it looks like we’re being set up here.” Jangjun says lightheartedly, laughing nervously. “I don’t mean to be too straightforward, but is there any chance you’d like to go to the Fall Ball with me?”
Yiren’s face lights up as she smiles at him and nods. “Yes, I’d really like that.”
“Great! Uh, can I have your phone number? And let me know your social media accounts too so I can add and follow you.” Jangjun says, enthusiastically giving her his phone.
As the pair walk off and get to know each other, Arin turns to glare at Soobin.
“You know I was trying to pair you and Yerin together, right?” she huffs.
“Yes, I could tell, I’m not that stupid you know.” Soobin chuckles. “Sorry cous, I just really don’t want to ask anyone to the dance. I’ll be too busy making sure that nothing goes wrong to even entertain a date anyway.”
“Oh, Soobinie, when will you learn to put yourself first.” Arin says, shaking her head. “Well, although my plan to set you up with Yerin failed, at least she got a date out of it anyway.” she says, amused as she watches her friend giggle at her newfound date.
“Don’t get me wrong, she seems like a great girl, I just… I’m not interested in taking anyway to the dance.” Soobin says. “Speaking of, who’s your date to the Fall Ball?”
Arin smiles with a glint in her eyes. “Hwang Hyunjin.”
“Wow, Hyunjin?” Soobin says, impressed. “Great catch, cousin. I’m sure you’ll enjoy your evening.” he says, knowing that Hyunjin was one of the more popular guys in their grade, and that he was always great company judging by the amount of people he was constantly surrounded with.
“Thanks, cous. I was thinking of asking you to introduce me to your student council buddies since I’ve been dying to meet them since you became president, but then Hyunjin asked me and that was that.” Arin says.
“Ah, really? Sorry, I can’t believe I haven’t introduced you to my friends yet. They’re all unavailable though so even if I had introduced you to them, you wouldn’t have gotten a date out of it.” Soobin laughs, making Arin snort. “But I’ll introduce you to them soon, I promise.”
Arin sighs. “It’s fine, Soobin. Just make sure you come find me at the Fall Ball and say hi, alright? I’m sure you’ll have the time to do it, since you won’t be glued to a date all night.” she says, playfully pinching his cheeks before walking away.
•°•
4 days before…
“The more I think about it, the more it hurts. I don’t know what to do, Binnie. I just wanted to get away.”
She moves closer to him, her ass sliding against the cold hard floor, closing the gap between them as she leans her head on his shoulder. She feels him go still for a moment, before he takes a deep breath, her head rising and falling along with his shoulders as he does so, as he takes one of her hands in his and starts to trace gentle circles on her skin.
He speaks, and she sees his mouth moving, but no sound seems to come out, the words lodged deep down in her memory.
When he finishes speaking, she sighs and says “Maybe it should’ve been you, Soobin.”
B wakes with a start, her whole body visibly tensing up as her eyes fly open. She instantly lifts her head up and sees both Yeonjun and Soobin looking at her with concern.
“Baby? Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?” Yeonjun asks, putting his hand on top of hers. She looks around and realises that she had fallen asleep during class, Creative writing, their last period for the day.
B squeezes her eyes shut before she lets them meet his. “Yeah, a bad dream I guess.” she says. “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in class in the first place.”
Yeonjun smiles at her fondly. “Sir Kim’s just letting us discuss ideas for our projects, and since my partner’s not here, I’m hanging around with you and Soobin.” he says, and that’s when she remembers that Soobin was seated next to her on the other side.
She turns to him, unable to meet his gaze just yet, still confused by the dream she just had.
“B? Got any ideas you wanna share?” he asks, his dimple popping out as he gives her a small smile. “It’s alright if you don’t, you can just sleep if you want. I’m sure we’ll come up with something.”
What was up with her dream? And why did it feel so real? She remembers the feeling of his hand on hers, of his thumb tracing circles along the surface of her skin, she felt is as clear as day now.
“Maybe it should’ve been you, Soobin.”
Why would she tell him that in her dream? Was it possible that she had some underlying feelings for him? What should’ve been him? What was her subconscious mind trying to tell her?
“B?” he asks again, his smile faltering.
She finally meets his gaze then, and she plasters on a smile. “No, I shouldn’t sleep in class. I guess we’ll just go along with what we’ve been doing so far. We can just take random pictures of each other whenever we hang out and make stories out of them in our posts.”
Soobin nods. “That’s what I was thinking. It shouldn’t be too hard since we’re stuck with this until the end of the term.”
“Yeah, it’ll be a breeze.” she says, feigning positivity. The truth was, the dream she just had was worrying her and was very confusing.
Why would she and Soobin be in that position? Why would she say that to Soobin? She knew it was just a dream and probably just her subconscious mind making up scenarios, but why did it feel so real?
•°•
1 day before…
It was Friday night, the night before the Fall Ball, yet B still couldn’t get the strange dream with Soobin out of her head.
It constantly replayed in her head, like a broken film reel, and the more it played, the clearer the picture became.
Although some parts were still hazy and some words still came to her memory as muffled sounds, she was able to discern that she and Soobin were alone in a small space, that they were sitting on the floor together, that she was wearing the dress she wore the night of Yeonjun’s birthday party, that she was very very drunk, and that she was crying.
Now her main question was why.
Why was she alone in a small space, sitting on the floor on the night of Yeonjun’s party, very very drunk and crying…
...with Soobin?
Letting her curiosity get the best of her, B decides to send Soobin a text, wanting answers once and for all.
Upon seeing her final question, Soobin froze. He could feel himself start to sweat as he contemplated what he should do next. Although B’s recollection of the night of Yeonjun’s birthday party was clearing, it was still painfully clear that she had no clue about Yeonjun locking lips with Rose later that evening. What Soobin didn’t know was if Yeonjun’s recollection of that evening was coming to him as well.
Soobin found himself facing the very dilemma he wanted to avoid.
Should he tell B the truth, the whole truth about what else he saw that night? Or should he lie and let Yeonjun deal with the problem of telling B about the kiss?
Soobin had a method of dealing with such dilemnas. He simply closed his eyes, took 3 deep breaths, and made a decision.
He typed out his reply and hit send before he could second guess his decision.
His heart ached as he realized that he had just lied to B, but he knew it was the right, or rather the less evil, choice. She didn’t need to know that he had practically confessed to having feelings for her that night, nor did she need to know that she had wondered out loud about the what ifs between she and him. He didn’t mean keeping those parts of the night in the dark.
But what he truly felt awful about was the one thing he witnessed that he didn’t have the authority to tell her. As he texted B goodbye and wished her a good night, he quickly sent a text to one more person.
#tomorrow x together#txt#choi yeonjun#yeonjun#yeonjun fanfic#yeonjun fic#yeonjun au#choi soobin#soobin#soobin fic#soobin fanfic#soobin au#choi beomgyu#beomgyu#kang taehyun#taehyun#taegyu#hueningkai#huening kai#txt fic#txt au#txt fanfic#tomorrow x together fic#tomorrow x together fanfic#tomorrow x together au#bighit fanfic#bighit au
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Tell me which one of these AUs sounds the most interesting and which one you’d like to read more about? (uhh rep0st?)
I’m reposting this since TUMBLR HATES MY POST/TAGS OR SOMETHING, SORRY IF YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN THIS!
Here I am, back at it again with my AU bullshit. Complete with my ugly ass dauntingly long list of AUs that I’d love to write about but can’t seem to
decide which one to start writing. This has been going on for the past week, dammit! If it’s not too much trouble, could you please help a girl out and let me know either on here or in a PM which one of these you’re curious about or would like to see implemented in an actual story.
Here are four Cloud-centric AU ideas which include (multiple) gay, bi, and (some) straight main/side pairings. Regardless of which one I decide to write first, I (wistful thinking) want to eventually complete most or all of them, even if some of them only end up being one-shots. Thank you! <3
Mercenary Zack and Delivery Boy Cloud AU
Zack, a mercenary, and Cloud, a delivery boy, have been best friends since they were youngsters. Zack is straight but is undeniably (and confusingly into Cloud. Cloud is bi (with a strong leaning towards males) and he’s only recently started to explore that. One day, while Zack and Cloud are hanging out, Zack’s PHS dies and he asks to borrow Cloud’s laptop to check some work-related emails. Cloud says sure, completely forgetting what he’d been “researching” before Zack came over to hang out.
Cloud, suddenly remembering the content of said “research”, screeches out, “NoOoOoO!” whilst comically tripping over himself as he races to stop Zack from opening his laptop.
Zack, being Zack, laughs good-naturedly at Cloud’s behavior and says, “What, don’t want your bestie to see all your fReAkY sHiT LOL?”
Before Cloud can stop him, Zack unlocks the laptop (he knows the password, because, hello, besties) and proceeds to open up about ten tabs of LOUD GAY LEMONY YOU KNOW WHAT (all with actors that are blond and black-haired, hmm s u s p i c i o u s).
Cloud is fucking mortified and literally RUNS out of his own apartment and disappears (disintegrates) into the void while leaving Zack sitting there like a stunned D U M B A S S *insert shocked Pikachu meme here* Hilarity, fluffy romance, and “LeMoNs” ensue.
Main ship and only ship will be Clack/Zakkura. Syrupy sweet, comical, with only a pinch of plot-related angst. Will most likely be a one-shot/two-shot.
Vampire Slayer AU
Set in a world where Shinra keeps the existence of vampires and vampire covens a well-guarded secret from the general public of Midgar in order to keep its citizens calm, orderly, and manageable (see controllable).
Due to the frequency of recent vampire attacks in Midgar’s slums and outlying towns and villages, they charge their best slayer, Cloud Strife, and his partner with the task of finding and killing the progenitor of all vampire-kind in order to end the covert war between humans and vampires and kill off their kind, for good.
That is, until Cloud is double-crossed by his partner, who wants the title of Shinra’s best vampire slayer for himself, and Cloud is left for dead in a forest miles away from civilization. Cloud thinks he’s finally done for this time, until he’s saved by a half-vampire named Vincent, who then proceeds to take Cloud to his maker, Sephiroth, the son of the first progenitor.
Cloud’s only shot at making it out of this alive is playing at Sephiroth’s personal interest in him in a game of cat and mouse until he can get the vampire to trust him enough to let him get close to the progenitor in order to (finally) end the war once and for all and return to his former life.
Main ships are Sefikura with a possibility of some Strifentine. Side ships are Aerti, Scarlet x Elena, and a bunch of others. Angsty, passionate, romantic, and dark. Will probably be a six-shot or more. Who knows?
Life After Meteorfall Canon Divergence AU (I’m excited about this one)
An AU in which both Angeal, Zack, and Aerith (although, just barely) live and help kick Sephiroth’s ass in the final battle. Sephiroth has been defeated by the gang for good (no really, for good y’all), and now the world has turned to healing, mourning, and attempting to rebuild itself after the scars Sephiroth has left behind in his monstrous wake.
Cloud still has lingering feelings for Zack leftover from his time as an infantryman, but desperately hides this fact from both Aerith and Zack because he knows how long they’ve waited and how much suffering they’ve had to endure in order to be with each other. He also cares deeply for both of them and wants them to be happy, despite his own conflicting emotions.
Although Aerith is (slightly) suspicious, Zack is oblivious to it all because he’s finally got the girl of his dreams and has his love-addled goggles on (god dammit Zackary) and asks Cloud to be his best man at their wedding (ugh angst me upppppp baby).
Angeal, however, is not oblivious to it in the slightest. He sees the overly forced smiles, the longing stares, the glances of complete and utter h e a r t b r e a k Cloud shoots Zack when he thinks no one is watching/paying attention to him. And finally, fed up after months of sitting back and just silently observing Cloud falling into emotional ruin, Angeal finally intends to do something about it, honor be damned.
Main ship is Cloudgeal. Side pairings are Zerith, Rude x Tifa (don’t judge me, y’all, I ship SO MUCH this fandom), and possibly many more. Angsty, fluffy, romantic, and with a ridiculously happy ending where everyone reaches a happy, healthy understanding. Will most likely be either a three-shot or a six-shot.
Omegaverse SOLDIER AU (let me liveeeeeee, dammit!)
After failing to get into SOLDIER three times in a row (the max amount of times one can attempt in their lifetime) and having his childhood dream of becoming a hero shattered like glass, Cloud, a Beta cadet, is more than done with SOLDIER and everything to do with the corrupt Shinra Corporation (Uh huh. Suuuuure).
This opinion is only further solidified when Cloud discovers the tragic fate of his hometown: Nibelheim, in an “unprecedented” explosion of its Mako Reactor, burns to the ground, resulting in the deaths of Cloud’s mother and every single person Cloud grew up with. With no home to return to, Cloud, following his best friend Zack Fair’s advice, begrudgingly decides to join the Shinra military as an infantryman and work as a menial grunt for the military’s more prominent SOLDIER members.
That is, until one day during a mission Cloud’s entire unit, including a group of skilled Third and Second Class SOLDIERS assisting them, are slaughtered in a brutal, bloody conflict, leaving Cloud the only one left alive after the mission’s end.
This not only catches the eye of the Director of SOLDIER himself, but several of its First Class members, who are so impressed with the Beta’s strength that they wish to assess Cloud’s capabilities for themselves, personally. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
This leads Cloud down a path filled with convincing lies and hard truths as he discovers the reality of his origins, unveiling secrets about Shinra and his past that he could have gone a lifetime without knowing. He realizes the hard way that sometimes what you dream for, what you desperately wish for, isn’t always something you want in the long run.
Main ships are a tie between Sefikura and Clack/Zakkura (possibly Sephiroth/Cloud/Zack or maybe even a love triangle, ew). I also really wanna try writing out Strifesodos, but I’m leaning towards Banorashipping as a side ship in this cuz its cute and passionate.
A S T R O N G side ship in this is going to be Aerti (featuring Turk!Tifa and Full Cetra!Aerith), along with minor ships like Scarlet x Elena, Tseng x Rufus, and honestly who knows anymore, lol. This will most likely be the longest story on the list, I’m planning for at least ten+ chapters.
Also, not shaming it in any way, but just FYI for the people who are interested, there will be no pregnancy in this story. It’s just not my thing. <3
Again, all of these AU’s are subject to change, but I’d love to bounce ideas back and forth and see what certain shippers would like to see in the fandom. I’m really receptive to discussing fics in general, even if its an idea about one of your own stories you wanna talk about. :)
If you actually read all of that, THANK YOU KINDLY! <33333
#Sefikura#SephCloud#Clack#Zakkura#Cloudgeal#i'm seriously so angry about this tagging thing#WHY IS IT NOT WORKING#*SCREAMS*#IM JUST TRYNA LIVE DAMMIT#why did this post disappear#I THINKS ITS BECAUSE OF CERTAIN KEYWORDS#this is a travesty#I NEED ANSWERS#the text is wonky too#UGHHHHHH
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IT WAS A JOKE BUT IF YOU'RE ACTUALLY OKAY WITH DOING ALL JOYL FUCK UH OKAY, WITH RAIHAN. BUT LIKE DON'T DO THEM ALL IF YOU DON'T WANNA LIKE PICK YOUR FAVS
@ first anon: got another ask for raihan so ill do the nsfw alohabet here and the letters they asked for the fluff one 👀
@ second anon: thank you so much!!! and of course you can this is lowkey a raihan thirst blog anyway ngl sndjjdjf
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
I think I've said this before but Raihan fusses over his partner after sex like crazy, getting them damp flannels to genty clean their legs, running to the kitchen to get a water bottle and an apple or smth if they're hungry. His partner is on of his top priorities and that means making sure they stay in perfect health.
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Raihan's favourite part of himself are his hands! He loves how wild he can drive his partner with just a few well placed touches.
The thing he likes most of his partner is their lips, how they move when they smile, what they look like when s/o has been nibbling on them and they go red.
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)
Raihan really likes cumming over his partner's legs and stomach, it has him groaning in pleasure every time he sees it.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Gets aroused at the sight of his s/o when they're furious and lowkey wants to have angry sex with them but he keeps it to himself.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
He's had a couple flings here and there so he knows how to put condoms on, and how to safely stretch a person but he hasn't explored a lot of his more hardcore kinks before.
F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)
Cowgirl & Missionary: both position let him see every single expression of pleasure his partner makes which riles him up pretty easy.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Raihan is goofy serious, he's focused on making sure you enjoy whats happening but if he will make little jokes and teasing quips to lighten the mood if he notices you look nervous.
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
He keeps it trimmed short, mainly bc his hair is prone to knotting frequently and if you've ever had that happen to your pubic hairs you know how much that hurts fjjcjcj. And yep! His pubes are the same colour as his hair.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
Raihan prioritises your happiness and comfort over pleasure and if that means chanting how much he loves you in a mantra until its the only thing you can think of then so be it.
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
Didn't really jack off much before getting into a relationship but now that his libido has someone specific to focus on he tries to do it once a week because of how busy he is.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Biting kink! Praise, soft bondage, wearing his clothing, mirror sex.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
The bedroom is his big favourite! Private and just for the two of you, plus theres a full body mirror on the closet door and being able to fuck you while watching your expression and his dick as it goes in and out of you? It kills him in the best ways.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
When his parter wins a hard battle and they get a look of breathless triumph on their face, when his partner blushes so hard it goes down their neck and he wants to follow it, the sight of them in his clothes practically a mark that they're his partner and no one else's.
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Public sex, or public sex videos as in sex videos posted. If it's sex videos for just him and his partner to see he doesn't mind.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Raihan prefers giving oral! He's proud of his teeth and the way they make goosebumps rise on his partners arms; he intends to graze them gently across their privates to set them on edge and he is good at it.
He's iffy on receiving oral because he would prefer to be pleasuring them but if his partner can convince him that giving him a blowjob is pleasurable to them Raihan groans and growls a lot while trying not to buck his hips into their mouth.
P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Raihan is rough and sensual if that makes sense fndjjfj. His thrust are rough but he always makes sure you are feeling as much pleasure as possible.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
Doesn't really like them. Thinks that they aren't intimate enough, sure the thrill of the possibility they might get caught is exciting but being unable to take his time unravelling his s/o's self control bums him out.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
He's up to experiment with most thing as long as you are! If it's something he isn't comfortable with though Raihan won't hesitate to tell you.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
How many rounds he can last depends directly on how long they last. The longer they are the less rounds he can do, but the longer they are the more pleasure he gives you.
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
He's got a couple vibrators and dildos. He likes using them on his partner but when they turn it on him he whines because he'd much rather have their hands on him.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He like to tease a lot, after all the more he denies you orgasm the higher the precipe builds for you to fall over when he finally tips you over the edge.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Raihan makes a lot of noise, says it makes sure you know he's enjoying himself as much as you are. Groans, moans, growls, pants, huffs, he makes a lot of different noises depending on how you've touched him.
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Finds tying his partner up so fucking arousing, the trust it shows that they would give away their control to hik for however long he wants or until they safeword? It drives him insane.
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Averange length but pretty thick.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Mid to High level libido. It honestly depends on how much his s/o is comfortable with doing physically.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Once he's made sure you're okay and taken care of it only takes a few minutes before Raihan clocks out cuddled up next to you.
#Gym Leader Raihan#Raihan#Citrus Flavour#500 Special#Hcs#okay imma go to bed now djnsnfk#my kitten is crying bc im eating noodles in the kitchen#but after ive eaten them#im going to bed and hell stop crying to cuddle me!!
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um hello excuse me i just listened to that teenage dirtbag video and now i have no choice other than to ask you... what is up. that voice was lovely, the range the performer had when switching to the girl's role i?? hello??? so is this the uh... god um. dear evan hansen or the uhhhh oh my god sorry im typing as im thinking this is hell. the other one. be more chill? i have some friends into these things but never paid much attention but after that vid my inch rest is how do you say, Peaked.
it just hit me that the right word was actually 'piqued' rip me
hahahaha yeah i can tell you All About It.....see my origin story is that uh. fuckin uh right so i vaguely knew deh existed back when it was broadway-debuting at the end of 2016 and probably many of us were vaguely aware it existed, but then in the next summer (2017) i heard a cover of one of its songs and i was like “i can tell this is one of those songs that would be given way more context if i knew the plot” and by that point the wikipedia entry had a plot summary available and i got that context and even though he was fairly briefly mentioned, one of the side characters Piqued My Interest b/c i just knew like. aha that already feels like a character type i would rly latch on to. and this was in the back of my mind for a while and for like the next year i would intermittently check out another song or two or get a little bit more lore, but it wasn’t until like, fall 2018 i finally went “you know what, i am gonna dive in for Maximum Lore actually” and my motivation for doing this was cuz i wanted to find out all the info about The One Side Character lmfao, like, the “main plot” and “entire actual show” to me is just the Lore for him basically b/c that was truly my angle hahaha and my interest was further piqued b/c like i quickly went “oh so he’s secretly in love with the protagonist right, got it,” which like. was a latent vibe i got from that very first wikipedia plot summary readthrough tbh lmfao. and is True.
and then even after deciding to dig into the lore and confirming that Yes i love this character as i thought i would it took like another week or two before i ever like, Watched dear evan hansen lmfaooo and i’ve never stopped complaining about the show since ljdfs but not Not b/c the character isn’t as good as i thought (or b/c Nothing Else is good either, but. you know how it is. #canon 9_9 ) and then in the course of looking for More Content i was you know, looking at a variety of posts On Here and looking at some behind-the-scenes / bonus content type stuff on youtube and went “oh well hey the actor that plays that character i love is also a nice funny guy according to testimony and also that i like his vibe in these vids” and, fun fact as is the nature of live theatre (and it being like, oct / nov 2018 by then) he was not still the Current actor for said character but had, in fact, moved on to be more chill and Already Completed a late summer off-broadway run as the lead (and a bway run had been announced already, though im not Certain i remember the point / how i became aware of this lol).....which again, i too had Heard Of (and had once ages prior coincidentally leafed thru the book once and read a few excerpts but knew nothing abt anything beyond that).....but hilariously while i Knew he was in bmc thru some 101 research, i was like “okay i’ll move on to that in a sec” while focusing on deh for a while still b/c it was not until i happened to casually look up “okay so what does his character do in this show i’m completely unfamiliar with” that i went “oh fuck he’s the LEAD????!!!” lmaooo like i did Not realize this and that upped my urgency abt it
a very very broad description of bmc is that it’s a Fun Show coz it’s this teen scifi Magical Realism plotline classic musical comedy type of thing, a genre we all already know and love lol /j, and importantly, the music is fuckinggg Bops. very common “gateway drug” is This song. there’s an Original Broadway Cast Album all on youtube (and, somewhat confusingly im sure, an Original Cast Album, but that was an off-off-bway run, and i’m interested squarely in the off-bway and bway versions lmfao, so, and that is what one will get recommended from me (more updated versions of all the songs anyways)) and also, this is basically a tangential thought i had but circling back around to deh, My Guy (will roland as jared kleinman) does not actually get all that much singing material in the show (v different situation from be more chill) even in the song that features his character most heavily, but that song also happens to be the most fun song in deh and also a bop, and here’s an especially fun live performance to check out if u wanna, the other two dudes are not official cast members lmfao but still
and like, when all this deh-ing and enthusiastic bmc-ing (which i got into Just In Time to be following along with its broadway run, which was very fun to do) affirmed like boy i love this Actor’s Material for sure, i did a little digging into his nicher Credits, including, one fateful day in march, his tv credits, which meant i like stumbled across the fact he has this recurring role in Billions(tm) and that stumbling = immediately falling flat on my face b/c i Loved the content and we coincidentally got really into it Just In Time before the next season’s stuff started airing with him in it, and that was truly an Experience we’ve been having ever since. that’s it’s own insane tangent b/c this show is fucking Something Else but, jsyk, since i am talking about “billions” left and right and stuff, that’s the vague context for that. latched onto a character -> the actor -> the actor’s other stuff, and that [other stuff] is getting brought up around here a lot, especially billions.....we’re having fun and following our hearts with it lmao
i’m Not Great at finding a balance between “doing an elaborate lore dump when someone asks me ‘what’s X about?’ and i spend the next several hours just play by play walking them through the whole thing” and “trying to avoid doing that where i get Too In Depth and instead end up just overly glossing over it all and they’re like ‘that doesn’t give me any info :/’” but i Can and Will talk more in depth about any of this stuff b/c yeah........but between deh and bmc, i definitely like bmc more Overall and....in the specifics of it too.....and like the obcr way better......and uh Everything about it better lmfaooo but i also love the particular characters Jared and Alana, side character teens in deh, so im always about That as well..........but if u were like “hm which might i look into a little first,” i gotta say like, i like bmc better both as a matter of My Personal Taste and from a more critical standpoint of “what is the show meant to be / does it accomplish what it wants to” type stuff. even though deh is the critical darling lmfao go figure! *i* decide what’s good, actually, and as we all know, i’m correct and a genius. which, haha im joking, but i Am right and i Am not Not smart in ways lol
aaaaaaand yeah additionally like. can and will answer Any more particular questions about any of this shit b/c, it’s my shit, and you know how i roll
and p.s. glad you liked the Teenage Dirtbag it is such a good performance lol. naturally getting real into this one actor / singer’s shit means that there’s also stuff Outside [performing a particular role] which is still some sweet sweet content, such as other solo performances during a concert / cabaret stuff.....the lore is Very Rich and is V Good so it’s fun
#also glossed over which character type that i love that jared struck me as and it was just like#oh from these brief mentions of content alone i get the idea he doesn't have the most personable attitude and is trying to assert that he#doesn't care but gets super hurt when his friend ditches him and yeah i was exactly correct And More! beautiful. chefs kiss#We Are All [titular teenage dirtbag guy of the song going :o :o :o at will roland serenading us w the Girl In The Song's part]
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L O V E B O U N D
“Christmasbound I”
No, it’s not Christmas yet but maybe it is cause I finally found the time to post this first chapter! Chapter 2 will follow if enough people read this xx
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Snow is heavily blowing into her face, almost hurtful, making her favorite season in the world feel not that as comforting anymore as it usually does. She squeaks her eyes together quickly, her nose red from the cold while holding onto the little cold hand tightly as she steps up quickly. The big door of the old brick building is covered with a little roof. Luckily. She feels snow turning to water on the tip of her nose as she leans in to ring the doorbell. Taylor shakes her head one time, feels snowflakes fall down from her bangs. She then immediately looks down to the blonde toddler next to her, wrapped securely in a dark green snowsuit. Instead of Taylor, the five year old doesn’t really seem to care about the fact that her entire face is covered in snowflakes, her little cheeks are flushed. She pulls out her tongue, tries to lick the snowflakes from her nose. Taylor automatically reaches down, strokes her hand over the little cold face to warm her up.
This snowstorm out here is crazy.
Just before Taylor gets to fix the two little buns on her curly head, that are also covered in snow by now, the door in front of her suddenly opens and the little girl immediately lets go off Taylor’s hand, excitedly squeaks while running off and into the tall man’s arms. “Daddy!“ she smiles, reaches for him. Joe immediately picks up the cold and wet toddler, his big hands holding onto the small body as tightly as he can. He looks tired, she can see that clearly. He wears his old grey sweatpants and the white basic tee he always used to sleep in.
“My little angel, I missed you so much.“ He moans into his baby’s arms, holds her as tight as physically possible on his arm. “I missed you too, daddy.“ the little toddler mumbles into his neck. Taylor swallows lightly, fixes the grip of her bag on her shoulder while feeling his stare on her, after pulling back from the tight hug. She clears her throat slowly, doesn’t want to ruin the moment between Joe and his daughter but really wants to escape the ice cold breeze she’s still in. “Can I come in?“ she asks and the blonde tall man immediately lets the little snow angel down, signals her to come in. Eleanor immediately hugs his legs once more while gushing at him from the floor and Taylor feels her stomach churn.
It’s always these moments in which she realizes how much Eleanor misses her father. The way her little arms hold onto him. The way she craves his closeness in this moment, while standing in the doorway. This girl truly has a lot of love for her daddy and by the way Joe’s eyes lid up as soon as he saw her, Taylor knows that he feel the same.
“Of course. Come in. I just made some hot chocolate.“ Joe says euphorically. He looks happy that they’re here. She feels that even though she wishes he’d hold back his excitement.
Taylor smiles politely, simply closes the door behind her. She feels the warmth of the big fireplace coming from the living room, still smells her old Byredo candles that she left here.
“Uh, I’m just gonna give you her bag. A change of clothes is in there. There’s her little jeans dress for tomorrow when we drop her off at school. And her glittery tights. We have also brought Barbie, Ken and her Elsa. We don’t have a book but I think you still have the one where..“ “Don’t you wanna stay for some hot chocolate? The weather is insane outside and..“ “To be honest I still wanted to work a little as long as she’s at your place.“ Taylor says, looks at her daughter to not have to look at him.
She knows what he’s doing. He tries this every time.
“C’mon Tay. I won’t let you go home through this snowstorm. How on earth did you two get here without freezing anyway? Stay here until the weather is better, please.“ he says, his daughter pulling his hand, clearly impatient and wanting all of his attention now. He grabs the toddler and places her on the little velvet lounger that is right next to the wardrobe next to the door. Taylor sighs. She hates it, but he’s right. Maybe the snow will get less soon. Maybe walking home in an hour really makes more sense. “Okay, fine.“ she mumbles, quietly takes off her black boots, places them next to his wardrobe. As she takes off her big black coat she can’t help but smile silently. Joe, who’s on his knees in front of the little green snowman just leaned in to kiss his daughter’s cold cheek. But a small kiss turned into plenty kisses and Eleanor giggles loudly, tries to shove his scruffy chin away from her.
“Daddy.“ She laughs and Joe let go off her, immediately reaches for her feet to pull off her snow boots. “Daddy, I have my wish tree for you. Ms. Clarkson said we have to make one for our mommies and our daddies and so I made one for mommy and for you. And I have one for me. Can you write your wishes on it, daddy? You have to do it fast before Santa Claus comes tomorrow. Can we make pancakes later?“ Taylor just remains next to them, her arms crossed while watching Joe take off the big snow suit from the small body. He looks up at Taylor for a second and grins silently. She returns the smile, can’t help but laugh quietly as well. The little girl can’t stop talking. That, she definitely has from her mother.
“A wish tree? What’s that, bug?“ Joe asks with his thick British accent and looks at the blonde girl that just throws her head back laughing out loud. Her two curly buns are a bit messy as well and of course, she wears her favorite sparkly Christmas sweater. After all, she’s still Taylor’s daughter. It’s more than obvious.
“Are you laughing at me?“ Joe asks in a high pitched voice, acts a little insulted while laughing at his daughter who’s still goofing around, then covers her mouth mischievously with her hands. Joe starts to poke her little tummy and Eleanor yelps laughing. “Daddy, a wish tree!“ The girl says again, obviously can’t believe that Joe still has no clue what this is. Joe in the meantime has shared an amused look with Taylor once more and grabs the little goofy girl to lift her up. “Why don’t you explain daddy what a wish tree is, E?“ Taylor says and walks right behind them into the living room.
She takes a deep breath. Traces from her past interior decorations are still visible in these four walls. The little treehouse candle on top of the fireplace. The painting she made him for his twenty- seventh birthday is on the wall. Small reminders of their past are still haunting this house. She has no idea how he can simply keep all this. All these reminders of the dreams and hopes that never came true. All the things she left behind back then when she left.
“It’s a Christmas tree that I painted and then cut out of the paper and.. and every mommy and every daddy can write down ten wishes for Christmas and the new year. And that’s because my tree has ten pine branches.“ Eleanor explains, holds onto her daddy’s shoulders. Joe places her on the high chair that’s on the wooden dinner table in the center of the room. He has never moved it aside, clearly held onto her promise to let Eleanor spend every second weekend with him. This time, it’s the weekend of Christmas. A rough decision she had to make. Christmas without her baby girl. The first one without Eleanor. Her family was heartbroken about the fact that they’d have to relinquish Eleanor yet understood that it’s Joe’s turn now. After all, the last year has been difficult on him as well. The first Christmas without Eleanor.
The first Christmas without her.
“Wow and you made me one as well?“ Joe asks, sinks his head and steals another kiss from Eleanor’s head before looking at Taylor again. “I’m gonna get it, hang on.“ she says, knows how eager her daughter is to show her father what she has made in school for him. After entering the long hallway once more and finding the piece of green cardboard in her Eleanor’s little koala backpack, she returns into the warm living room and hands Eleanor her present. By now, the little girl has a hot chocolate mustache on her face already, excitedly hands the tree to her dad. Joe slowly slides another cup of hot cocoa towards Taylor’s direction. She smiles silently and sits down on the opposite side of the two. Her eyes wander off into the kitchen behind them. He’s still as chaotic as he used to be. A feeling of familiarity spreads all over her. She likes this feeling. She likes to think that some things maybe never really have changed after all.
“This is beautiful. Eleanor. Did you make this? All by yourself?“ he asks euphorically, almost thrilled and looks at his daughter who sips on the hot cup of cocoa while holding the big cup with both of her little hands. She carefully places the, for her, huge cup in front of her again and nods proudly. A little proud smile creeping through her lips. “Love, that’s amazing. You’re a little artist. Like your mum, huh?“ Joe asks and smiles, makes his daughter laugh and Taylor smile softly. He looks at the Christmas tree in his hands. The little girl has drawn many stars and sparkles all over the cardboard. Tree ornaments and hearts included. For a five year old, he really is impressed. “And that’s where I’m supposed to write down my wishes?“ he asks and points to the branches of the tree. The curly head immediately nods and explains her daddy how it works. After finishing her hot cocoa and giving her dad more than a few cuddles, Eleanor storms off to the little big box at the end of the living room, starts to take out all her favorite toys that she has left at dad’s house and starts to play on the floor. After a few “don’t forget to put everything back into the box again later“ from Taylor, Eleanor seems to be in her own world, hums a few Christmas songs she has learned in school while playing with her dolls.
“Everything good? How are you?“ Joe asks, still hanging loosely on the chair in front of her, one hand around the still warm cup and the other one running through his hair. He looks tired. She can clearly sense that. “Yeah, everything’s good. How are you?“ Taylor asks, takes another sip from the cup in front of her. She’s finally unfreezing, the fireplace clearly doing the trick. “Tired. I came home from New York this morning.“ he says, Taylor nods. “How’s your movie going?“ “Great. Yeah, really good.“ he answers, doesn’t really go into it at all. For the first second, Taylor is confused. But then, she gets why. He doesn’t want to talk about his career to her. He doesn’t want her to think that this is still all he does, all he has. He doesn’t want her to think that she was right, when she left. That the only priority he has, is acting.
“How’s Naomi?“ Taylor asks, doesn’t know why she even asked, clearly wanted to change the subject from his career as quick as possible. “Who?“ He asks, a big yawn escaping his mouth. Taylor looks at him in shock. “Your girlfriend? Naomi?“ “Oh.“ He suddenly realizes, blushes a lot. “Oh. good. good.“ he answers, seems just as uncomfortable as her. Taylor nods. She knew that they were never really a thing and his reaction just confirmed this to her. Suddenly it’s quiet again, Eleanor’s angelic voice making both of them smile. She seems to be in her own fantasy world, sings her very own version of ‘holy night‘ while building her Barbies a new home on his carpet.
“What’s new with you?“ Joe asks, clearly wanted to break the silence and looks at her. „Not much. I’m just writing at the moment and..“ “Your album?“ “Album?“ “You said ‘writing‘.“ „Oh.“ Taylor mumbles, “No, I’m.. I’m writing songs. For people. Not me. Mom duties make touring and promoting an album impossible right now.“ She says. Joe nods. He seems interested, but not as much in her albums. “I understand. But.. I can help you out more if you want. I mean.. I’m done with my movie and I’ll have way more time next year. Nothing’s planned at the moment. So..“ “That’s nice. Thanks. But I think I’m good.“ She says, looks up at him with that same cold stare and nods. This was clearly not the answer he wanted. She can feel that.
“Are you happy?“ Joe suddenly asks and Taylor looks up at him once more. She feels a lump in her throat. She definitely wasn’t prepared for this question. “Sure.“ she answers, manages to raise the corner of her mouth. She can’t really look into his eyes. “You?“ She asks, wants to take the attention from her and her happiness as fast as humanly possible. “I’ve been better.“ He says, a little too honest for her taste. Taylor doesn’t answer anymore, is suddenly super interested in the cup in her hands.
“Mommy, look.“ The little girl suddenly comes running to her mom. Taylor has never been more happy about this interruption by her daughter, immediately turns to look at the Barbie Eleanor has in her hand. “It’s the mermaid Barbie.“ She squeaks excitedly. Taylor looks at her daughter and smiles. “Oh honey!“ She laughs, happy for her baby girl. “And we thought you had lost her in school. See? I told you to look at daddy’s house first.“ Taylor says, her arm around her daughters small torso, pressing a sluggish kiss onto her cheek. Joe looks at the two in front of them and remains silent. He feels many things in this moment. Things he knew he couldn’t forget. Ever. Not in this life. “Call me next time and I’ll have a look.“ Joe says eagerly and looks at Taylor with a serious look on his face. She returns his stare and nods. She feels this protectiveness radiating from him all of a sudden. They had this talk a few months ago. He wants to be more involved. He always says that. But it’s difficult for her to let him enter her life when she’s the one who wanted to leave his. “You were busy working in New York.“ “I’m never too busy to talk to you and I also would’ve known that the Barbie was in there. Also.. you have a key. Don’t you?“ “I won’t use the key when..“ “Daddy can we make some pancakes? I’m hungry.“ Eleanor interrupts her mom and walks over to her daddy to press her head into his side. Joe immediately picks her up and places her on his lap before giving her a cheek a kiss from behind. “First of all, we don’t interrupt when mummy’s talking, love. Second.. pancakes with bananas? And chocolate?“ “Yes daddy.“ she smiles and Joe kisses her once more. Taylor remains silent. As so often since she’s here, in his house. Joe seems so happy and carefree since Eleanor’s here. He looks much more content with everything than when he first opened this door a few minutes ago. She swallows. Long forgotten feelings slowly seem to creep back up. Separating herself from him meant also separating him from Eleanor. And Eleanor from Joe. She separated these two human beings in some way. These two people who love each other endlessly. She takes a deep breath, looks at him disappear in the kitchen. She spent too many nights feeling this overwhelming amount of guilt on her chest after hearing Eleanor ask for her daddy. After listening to Joe’s crying on her speaker, begging voice messages asking her to come home. Asking her to give him another chance.
“One for mummy as well?“ Joe asks, slowly looks back at her with Eleanor on his arm. The little monkey immediately crawls onto his back and giggles into Joe’s neck while opening the fridge for her dad to take out all the ingredients he’ll need. Taylor suddenly stirs from her thoughts, quickly shakes her head. “No, I should.. I should get going now.“ She says, quickly gets up. “Are you sure? It’s still crazy out there and it’s dark already.“ Joe says, suddenly not caring about the open fridge anymore, slowly walking back to her again. “I can call a driver.“ She says, smiles politely at him. Just when he was about to say something to her, Taylor interrupts him. “Goodbye, baby. Have a great time with daddy.“ Taylor says and Eleanor slowly crawls down from her father’s back to touch the floor with her feet again to give her mom a last hug. “Bye mommy.“ she says and Taylor crouches down until her head is on one level with her daughter. She places both of her hands on her cheeks, kisses Eleanor’s small lips gently. “Be nice to daddy and listen to him. Bedtime is when daddy tells you. No dramatic show stunts before going to bed, okay? love you.“ She says and kisses Eleanor again. “Okay mommy.“ Taylor smiles at her and gets up. Joe slowly walks with Taylor down the hallway, while Eleanor storms off to play with her doll house again that she has carefully built on the expensive carpet in Joe’s living room. “Are you sure..“ “Yeah, Brandon can pick me up.“ She says and holds her phone next to her ear already. She grabs her coat slowly, confused about the fact that her call doesn’t seem to get through.
“Don’t forget to make her go to the toilet before going to bed. We’ve had a few accidents in the last weeks. Oh and no chocolate after 6pm.“ Taylor says and Joe nods. “I know.“ “Good.“ Taylor answers, desperately tries to call her driver again yet the end of the line seems dead. She doesn’t seem to have any phone connection at all. The snowstorm that was predicted for this weekend must be the reason for this state of emergency in town. No phone connection. No tube. Not even London cabs are available today. “Don’t you want to stay? I still have the guest room and I’d really feel better knowing you’re not out there tonight. It’s almost dark outside.“ Joe says, looks at Taylor with a concerned look. She’s still trying to make her phone work, just stands in front of him with her black coat, ready to leave this house. “Shit, can I try your phone?“ She asks and Joe sighs. “Sure. But think about my offer.“ He asks, remains with her in the hallway. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t go to get his phone because he wants her to stay. She’s been avoiding him so much since over a year now and he can’t do this anymore. Not being with the woman who he considered the love of his life once is tough enough. But not even being able to talk to her normally, like they used to, is even harder on him.
Taylor notices his eager look while hearing Eleanor play in his living room. She slowly puts down her phone and sighs. Then she looks up at him. He has this hopeful look on his face. Taylor just shakes her head softly. “Don’t you notice how awkward this is?“ She asks, looks at him with an honest look for the first time in a while. “I do. And I don’t like it.“ He says, seems thankful for her honesty in this moment. “Me neither.“ “We were best friends.“ He then says and Taylor looks up at him once more. She finds sadness in his eyes, even though he smiles at the thought of their past. She’s captivated by his look, this trip in his eyes to back then. Back to the secret moments they shared in every crowded room. Back to the secret smiles and the awareness of the fact that no one really knew anything, except for them. No one really knew what this thing was, this thing between them. They never really were just lovers. They were best friends. More than that. They had this secret bond that was there from the very first second. They were inseparable. They were the bestest of friends on this planet. A unit. One. Even long before Eleanor came into their lives.
“We always used to be a team and I don’t see why we shouldn’t be that anymore. We have Eleanor and we should be a team again. For her.“
Taylor nods softly. He’s right. Being co- parents means more than dropping the kid off at each other’s houses and avoiding eye contact. She always admired how her parents dealt with their divorce, never let her to her brother feel any tensions between them. And that’s because there were none. That’s because they decided to be a team for their kids. And this is how it should be.
“You’re right.“
“Why don’t you stay over and we start to.. to become a team again? I’m sure Eleanor won’t mind.“ Joe says and laughs softly at the end. Taylor smiles back at him. Of course she won’t mind. If there’s one thing this little girl loves more than anything, it’s mommy and daddy time. Of course. This is what she was used to for the first three years of her life. This is how it was always supposed to be. Mommy and Daddy. Taylor and Joe.
“A team?“
“A team. Maybe not as good as ‘team frosty crew’ but.. still a pretty good team.“ he answer, smirks at her. He’s thinking back to the same moment she does. She can see it in his smile. She can feel it in his eyes. The same starry eyes looking at her as back then…
Five years, three days and two hours earlier.
“Okay, can we go through this again?“ she asks while standing in front of the little drawer in the hallway, struggles with putting on the silver bracelet that her mother has gotten her for her birthday. She’s nervous. Not just a bit. Whenever things don’t work out as they were planned, she starts to feel stressed and panicked nowadays. This new habit of her is also one of the things she still has to get used to when it comes to her unpredictable emotions nowadays.
“Taylor, this is my bloody family. Not the supreme court of the United States.“ He groans back from the kitchen, his mouth clearly full. “Stop eating it, holy crap.“ She yells at him, is met by amused laughter from the tall man in her kitchen. She just shakes her head, finally manages to close the silver bracelet. With her high heels she slowly walks into the kitchen, finds Joe leaning against the corner. His head is sunk and he’s focused on the lemon tart in front of him. With a silver fork he eats the messed up cake, clearly famished. His mouth is full and Taylor just shakes her head, crosses her arms. Joe suddenly notices her and can’t help but smirk at her annoyed stare.
“That’s gross. It was out there for three hours. The fucking cake must be frozen by now, how..“
“I like frosty cake.“ He answers, referring to one of their inside jokes. Taylor just shakes her head. She sometimes has no idea how this slender man can eat so much and not suffer from obesity or diabetes. He’s literally about to eat the entire cake she has baked for his mum’s Christmas dinner and which she forgot on the patio this afternoon. She just wanted the hot dessert to cool down for a few minutes. Everything was planned. His grandparents from Scotland would be in town. His eccentric grandmother everyone in his family fears. Because grandma Maria is not just a rich old lady. In his mum’s words she’s described as a ‘dictator of taste’, a ’meticulous old lady’ and other unlovely things. Taylor has never met Maria, but the fact that she’s about to give birth to her beloved grandson’s first child is enough reason to feel pressured to give an amazing first impression. She knows that it’s stupid to make it a challenge to impress this old lady. But she wants grandma Maria to like her. She wants her to think that she’s ’good enough’ to be part of his family. And Taylor is sure that she would’ve loved her lemon tart recipe. But thanks to her pregnancy brain, she left the beautiful cake outside for three hours and simply forgot it there. A snowstorm has hit the London sky by the time she remembered and her beautiful tart was ruined with snowflakes and water already. There’s no way they can present this mess to his grandmother now. Even Joe agrees with that.
“You look beautiful, wow.“ Joe says all of the sudden and smiles at her with a full mouth. She just sighs, slowly walks up to him. He inspects her outfit once more. She looks like a model for a Christmas commercial. A Christmas commercial with a beautiful pregnant lady. Her red lips and her green velvet dress with long sleeves and high neck match perfectly. Her hair is curly as always and the little J necklace she didn’t take off at all in the last two years is the perfect jewelry to this attire. She also wears high heels, which he hates nowadays. Because nowadays she can’t really see her own feet anymore and stumbling in her advanced stage of pregnancy is something he definitely wants her to avoid. Joe looks into her beautiful face. Something is up. He can see it clearly.
“Baby, what’s..“
“Give me that stupid fork.“ She interrupts him aggressively and casually takes his fork before shoving a huge portion of the cake into her mouth. He can’t help but laugh at her. As much as she acted like if eating the frozen cake is ‘disgusting‘, she still seems to crave the sugary paste as much as he did before. “Someone’s moody today.“ “M’ no moody“ she immediately complains with a full mouth and Joe can’t help but smirk at her. He looks at her eating the ruined cake. She’s about to cry, he knows that look. Joe just lets out a low breath, clearly amused by her behavior. She looks like a Christmas ornament with the little bow on the back of her dress. A pretty round Christmas ornament, thanks to the baby belly in front of her.
He carefully places his hand on her back, draws circles with his big hands on the spot that pains her a lot nowadays. Then he slowly takes the fork from her, kisses her cheek to sooth her in advance.
“What are you doing?“
“Making sure you won’t get sick before dinner. We’ve been there.“ he says in a deep voice, clearly tries to calm her. Taylor doesn’t even fight him, just swallows the rest of the cake in her mouth and takes a deep breath. Joe then grabs her two hands and makes her look at him.
“We’ve talked about this for at least ten times. You made the cake. If anyone asks, Isabel from your PR team has a friend that works at Crimson’s bakery and she got you the recipe. You added some.. something, and that’s why it tastes exactly as If we had bought it. Which we haven’t. Because.. you baked it. With your bare hands. Like a real housewife.“ He says, clearly not as serious about their little lie as Taylor would want him to be. She seems stressed, feels like she failed already. “It was just a cake. Your mom asked me just for a fucking cake. Your grandmother will think I can’t bake. Or cook. She’ll probably think I’ll feed my child Nando’s for the rest of my..“ “Taylor, no one will notice that we bought it.“ “We have to find another bakery. I’m serious. Your grandma knows Crimson’s. Everyone does. Fuck. Why don’t we..“ “Baby! It’s Christmas. No other bakery in our radius has lemon tart. I called every fucking bakery in this town today. Please calm down. Our plan is bulletproof.“ He smiles, both of her hands still in his. She just shrugs her shoulders, as whiny as so often nowadays. He can’t help but laugh at her, then immediately pulls her into a hug. Her baby belly against his stomach, his hands on top of the soft velvet fabric on the back of her dress. She smells incredible, just like the pine scented fragrance she put on earlier. He can feel her slowly resting her head against his shoulder. The pressure of impressing his grandmother is a lot on her, even though she’d never admit it to him. She has planned her outfit for days, planned the dessert and everything she would say and do. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like the fact that she’s stressing herself so much just to leave a good impression on his difficult grandmother. Christmas was always her favorite holiday. A ruined cake shouldn’t be the reason for her not to enjoy it this time around. One year ago, when Taylor was pregnant for the first time, she put just as much stress on her as she does now. She was scared. She was terrified. She wanted this baby but she was stressed to manage pregnancy and touring equally well. The doctors assured her that the miscarriage happened for different reasons. But he knows that the emotional baggage has influenced a lot. The loss of their baby is something they both have learned from. She needs to relax. She needs to think of herself, not let these irrelevant things get to her too much.
All that matters is her and their baby.
“I just wanted her to think that I’m capable of feeding a family. I wanted her to think that I’m not just a stupid singer, but also.. a housewife. A mother. I just want her to like me.“ she then mumbles into his chest and Joe can’t help but laugh slowly. “Where’s your feminism all of the sudden?“ “I forgot it outside with my dessert and my dignity.“ She shoots back and Joe smiles. He lets out a last sigh, then slowly moves his head to kisses her forehead. “She will love you. I promise. She’ll never find out that we bought the cake.“ He reassures her, strokes her back up and down a few times. She doesn’t move, remains limb in his arms and closes her eyes. She enjoys his back rubs. She enjoys them a lot.
“At what time to we have to pick up the cake?“ She murmurs then, receives another kiss on her forehead from him. This pregnancy has been an emotional rollercoaster. She feels everything even deeper and more intensive than before, has no idea what she’d do if he wasn’t there to rub her back.
“In thirty minutes.“ He answers, still keeps her close. She has now swung her arms around him and hugs him while resting her head against his chest. She seems exhausted. She’s truly stressed about this. He knows that. “What If Patrick finds out and gives us away.“ Joe laughs quietly. “Nobody at my parents house tonight cares less for your cake than Patrick.“ He reassures her and she nods, slowly lets go off him and looks at him. Joe just smiles at her terrified facial expression and places his hands on her cheeks. She looks so beautiful. Even more since the so called ‘pregnancy glow’ has taken over her. She looks fuller than usually. Fuller and healthier. Flourishing. A life is growing inside her. A love is growing inside her. Joe smiles and kisses her slowly. She’s quiet. Her eyes are closed. “Let’s go, baby.“ He then mumbles against her lips. “Do you have everything?“ “Mhmhm.“ She nods, fixes her bangs quickly. “Nutmeg.“ She suddenly says, looks at him with big eyes. Joe, who’s fixing his tie in the mirror of the hallway by now just looks at her confused, unable to follow her fast thinking processes. As so often, nowadays. “What?“ “I added extra nutmeg. Which is a lie, obviously.“ She says, walks towards him into the hallway. “Don’t mess it up. Nutmeg. Remember this when..“ “I will.“ He laughs. It’s unbelievable how serious this is for her. “What If I say cinnamon, accidentally. That would totally give us away.“ He says in a serious tone, obviously ironic. Taylor just sighs and hits him in the side while grabbing her coat. She can’t hide a smirk though. “Baby, I won’t mess it up.“ He laughs, grabs the key from the drawer. “We’re a team.“ He adds, raises his hand to high five her, but she doesn’t react. She’s too grumpy to participate, just fixes her hair in the mirror once more. “We’re team frosty crew. Which has a total new meaning since your cake accident, by the way.“ He laughs amused and even Taylor can’t hide a smirk. He’s right. “Alright, Team frosty crew has to leave now. I don’t wanna be late.“ She says, leaves the house with Joe within the next two minutes.
After the evening at his parents house has started off perfectly and Taylor has received tons of compliments for her outfit from his grandmother the moment of truth, which is the moment the cake was brought into the dining room has come. Surrounded by a Christmas tree and dozens of presents and family laughter, Joe can’t help but smirk mischievously while taking another sip from his wine glass. He can see from the corner of his eyes how Taylor takes a deep breath while sitting next to him, suddenly moves her left leg nervously under the table. Everyone starts to eat the lemon tart and Taylor receives tons of compliments. She remains noticeably quiet for her usual self, but no one seems to notice anything except for Joe.
“Taylor, that is a remarkable tart. I’m impressed.“ His grandmother suddenly says from the end of the table. Taylor just smiles at her. “Thank you so much.“ “Tell me, dear. Did you bake it yourself this morning?“ The old lady asks strictly in her Scottish accent, which makes it even more difficult for Taylor to properly understand her. “Oh, yes. Of course.“ Taylor says, Joe fighting a laugh as hard as he can. “But I have helped as well. Right, babe?“ Joe suddenly says and looks at Taylor. They share a mischievous look and she grins back at him. She wants to kill him. He can see that in her eyes.
“Yeah. Joseph is a great helper in the kitchen.“ Taylor says in a monotone voice, receives an ironic smirk from Patrick on the opposite of her who’s eating the pie amusedly. “He added the nutmeg.“ Taylor adds and smirks at Joe once more. “Wasn’t it cinnamon, love?“ Joe teases and looks back at her while chewing the cake. Taylor looks at him once more and shakes her head quietly, still slightly smirking at him. He thinks he’s so smart. “No, babe. It was nutmeg. I’m very sure.“ She says and the conversations on the table seems to change again. Maria asks Patrick about his majors in school and Tom tells his grandpa about his new Job in Dublin. Taylor and Joe still smirk at each other. They don’t really talk, just laugh quietly. Everyone in the room is focused on the conversations between Tom and his grandfather. This is one of these moments in which they’re back in their own little world. Laughing about something no one understands and no one will ever understand. Joe suddenly grabs her fork and fills it with some pie from her plate. He then leads the fork into her mouth, feeds her like a little child. She laughs softly, a bit embarrassed of his behavior in front of his grandparents but then opens her mouth. Elizabeth looks at these two lovebirds fool around and smiles quietly to herself before following the other conversations again. “What are you doing?“ Taylor whispers with a full mouth, still looks at him and tries to recover from her laughs. “Team frosty crew rocks. We did a great job with this cake, don’t you think.“ “Team frosty crew should definitely shut up now.“ She answers him quietly, still chewing the dessert. Joe looks back at her and smiles. She does the same, can’t help but stare into his face. His gorgeous, beautiful face. He looks so cheeky, the little dimples in his smile radiating happiness onto her as well.
Team frosty crew evidently rocks. Team frosty crew is just getting started.
“Okay, monkey. Time for bed. Please put the toys back into daddy’s box.“ Taylor says politely to her toddler, looks at Eleanor from where she sits. After Joe has ordered Chinese for the three of them, Eleanor was allowed to stay up a little longer than usually after not having seen her father for more than two months. The afternoon has still been awkward so far, after all. Taylor regrets that she agreed to stay. All she did was watch Joe and Eleanor interact. Joe kept on including her in their conversations but it seemed wrong. This was his time with Eleanor, not hers. He should be able to spend time with her all alone. She shouldn’t be here. Not at all.
“Can I have bedtime with Daddy today?“ Eleanor whines from the end of the living room and Taylor looks at Joe. “Going to bed is a difficult project at the moment, so If you want I can..“ “No. No I’ll bring her to bed.“ Joe immediately answer her and Taylor nods. It’s definitely his turn, If he wants. Taylor slowly gets up and grabs the empty plates, carries them into his kitchen. Joe in the meantime has stood up as well and walks towards his daughter. “You can leave everything on the table, I’ll..“ “No way. You’re on bedtime duties, I’m on kitchen duties.“ Taylor interrupts him and Joe doesn’t fight her. Instead, he walks up to the five year old curly head on the carpet in front of him and smiles. He missed this so much. Joe remains standing behind her, slowly crouches down to place his big hands on her curly hair. The little buns on her head are clearly missed up.
“Ready for one of daddy’s bedtime stories?“ He asks and Eleanor immediately jumps up, reaches for him. “Yes daddy!“ She squeaks excitedly. Joe gladly takes her onto his arm, is amazed every time how big his baby has become. Five years. Five years since this little angel has changed his life forever. He slowly walks back to the kitchen with Eleanor on his arm, who has wrapped both of her little arms around his head. “Say goodnight to your mum.“ Joe says to Eleanor, who just says soft “Goodnight mommy, I love you.“ Taylor immediately turns around and faces her daughter. Even Joe has to smile at the sweet words coming from their little angel. Taylor can’t help but smile at the little face, places the plates on the counter and walks up to Joe and her. Taylor smiles at the little girl, places both of her hands on these chubby little cheeks she loves so much. “Goodnight baby. I love you too.“ She smiles, kisses Eleanor’s nose a few times. Then she looks at Joe who just smiles back at her but remains silent in this moment. “Don’t drive daddy insane, monkey. Just one story, okay?“ Taylor says and Eleanor just sweetly leans her head to the side and grants her dad the sweetest smile possible. Taylor and Joe both laugh. “She’s got that from you.“ Joe says casually and then slowly walks out of the kitchen with Eleanor. She can’t help but smile while watching them disappear. He’s right. When she was always good at one thing then it’s wrapping him around her finger just by granting him a smile.
“Can you tell me the one with the Papa bear and the babies, daddy.“ she asks him politely in her baby voice, hugs his head while being carried upstairs from her Papa. Joe loves the fact that he’s not the only one who seems to crave cuddles. Joe turns his head, presses a big kiss onto her chubby cheek. “Alright. But first brushing your teeth, love.“ He says and pokes the little girl into the side. She laughs immediately. Taylor slowly rinses off the dishes, hearts the two disappear upstairs. It’s weird how habits have changed so quickly throughout the last year. Before their separation, Joe had always been the one to bring Eleanor to bed. Even when she was just a baby, Eleanor loved falling asleep on her dad’s chest. It’s because of his incredibly calm personality. He radiates calmness, always has. And that’s exactly what Eleanor needed to fall asleep. Nowadays, she has gotten used to going to bed with Taylor. It has been a battle at first. But after a while, the toddler adjusted. That’s what kids do. They simply adjust.
Taylor closes the dishwasher, asks herself if the situation tonight is weird for Eleanor. Does it bring back old memories of mommy and daddy together? Does she even have old memories of mommy and daddy together? If one thing has changed five years ago, then it’s the fact that everything Taylor does evolves around the well- being of her child. Everything. Even her decision to leave, back then. She wanted stability for Eleanor. Not a father who would break promises every night, who would travel the globe for his career but forgot to make enough time for his daughter. She could’ve stayed, she would’ve. She would’ve given him more time to find his way, would’ve fought endless fights with him to make him understand. But this is just what would’ve happened if there wasn’t a crying baby in her bed every night. This is not what Eleanor deserves. She deserves to experience faithfulness from a man, from her father. She deserves to experience unconditional trust from him. He’s the first emotional male interaction in her life and she didn’t want uncertainty to become the main emotion towards him. Taylor swallows. Just thinking about all the times he promised to come home and didn’t still break her heart over and over again. The little cries from Eleanor’s room. The tears that ran down her baby’s face because she asked for daddy a million times already. Because she wanted her daddy. She needed him. Even more than Taylor did.
After drying the glasses with the grey kitchen towel, Taylor places the glass in the cupboard and closes the door. She scratches the back of her head and looks outside of the window. She smiles. It’s still snowing and the immense amount of white snow that covers the street almost lights up the sky. It’s the night before Christmas Eve and she loves the fact that they will, in fact, have a white Christmas this year. Just when Taylor was about to go back to the living room, she hears footsteps coming from upstairs. She peaks into the hallway with a confused look. But instead of her, Joe just casually enters the living room again, places the little baby phone on the coffee table of his living room before turning on one of the floor lamps at the end of the room. “What are you doing?“ Taylor asks him confused and Joe just returns her look. “She’s asleep. She was out after two seconds.“ He answers casually. “No. I mean the baby phone.“ Taylor says and he just looks at her again, not understanding at all what she’s asking him, while walking past her and into the kitchen once more. “What’s with it?“ “Joe, she’s not a baby anymore. She doesn’t need a baby phone. If she wakes up she’ll come to us, trust me.“ Taylor says amused about the fact that he still acts like Eleanor’s a baby and unable to tell them If somethings’s wrong. “I know. But it just makes me feel better to..“ “To hear her snores while sitting down here?“ She teases, leans in the doorway to the kitchen and looks at him grabbing something from the cupboard. “I just want to hear if she has a nightmare or anything as long as I’m downstairs.“ He says and Taylor doesn’t reply anymore. Joe adores this little girl. He has missed her.
“Want some wine?“ Joe asks then, reaches for the bottle of white wine in his fridge and looks back at her. “Is this part of our team building?“ She smirks while still standing in the doorway, her arms still crossed. He doesn’t really answer at first, just smirks at her while automatically pouring wine into the glasses. She loves wine, he knows that. He has spent too many drunk nights with her in bed not to know how much she likes white wine. “Drinking wine has always been our way to.. bond.“ Joe murmurs, fills the two glasses with wine and then puts the bottle back into the fridge. “Or our way to make a baby.“ She casually says and Joe looks up to her. They both laugh quietly. “You’re right.“ He smirks, walks past her and casually falls onto his sofa. He then yawns loudly, runs his fingers through his hair. Taylor stands there, still more uncomfortable than ever. She still has no idea why she agreed to this. Why she let him convince her that this was a good idea. Spending the night with an Ex? Never a good idea. Especially not if you have a child and lots of unfinished business together.
“What are you standing there?“ Joe then laughs, signals her to sit down next to him. Taylor awkwardly walks up to him, sits down at the end of the sofa. He still laughs at her and Taylor rolls her eyes before nipping on her wine glass. She tugs her legs up a bit, casually leans against the cushion sideways and shakes her head at him. “Why are you laughing at me?“ “You act like I’m a total stranger that you have to have a conversation with.“ he mumbles before taking a sip himself, clearly still amused. She blushes a bit, shakes her head. “Considering the fact that the last real conversation we had is more than a year ago, you probably count as a stranger.“ Taylor says, just realizes how sad these words were that came out of her mouth. She swallows quietly, not able to look at him anymore. She doesn’t know if these words were inappropriate. She didn’t want to sound rude. “I tried to have many real conversations with you over the last year but you were the one who high key tried to avoid them.“ Joe says, not angry at all. He’s calm. He can even look at her.
Taylor sighs, then finds her courage to lookup at him. “I had my reasons.“ She just says. A little more reserved than she intended. “And these reasons were the fact that I was working a lot?“ He asks provocative and Taylor freezes. She looks at him, doesn’t react anymore. Does he call this ‘becoming a team again‘? Bringing up all these old things, all these old emotions that make her angry all over? If that’s his idea of becoming friends again, then she feels sorry for him. “Do you really wanna go there again, Joe?“ Taylor asks more tense than before, ready to play this game, ready to fight him If she has to. But Joe then looks at her again and his angry facial expression has changed. She knows this look. She has seen this look back then, last winter, when she dropped Eleanor off at his place for the first time after moving out. When he stood there in his door, dark circles under his eyes, hugging his daughter as if he was holding onto his life. This look is a look of surrendered anger. Sadness. Deep sadness.
“I don’t.“ He simply answers, making Taylor swallow once more. She’s angry. She’s so done. She’s so done being the bad cop. Him making her feel responsible for all this. For the reason they aren’t a family anymore.
“I should go to bed.“ She mumbles, places her glass on the coffee table in front of her. “Can I ask you a question?“ He suddenly says and Taylor sighs. She just wants to leave. She just wants to go home, to her own house. Far away from him and this living room. This room full of memories and all these questions he has.
“What?“ She says, almost angry at him for even asking. “Did you lie to me?“
“When?“
“When you said that.. that you left because I was gone too much. Or was it because you just didn’t love..“
“How dare you even say this.“ She suddenly interrupts and Joe looks at her immediately with shock on his face. He never thought that this question would suddenly make her so angry. She looks devastated. Broken. He immediately starts to stutter, doesn’t know what to say to ease the situation but feels all these emotions coming back up again. He’s so angry. He’s so angry at her for having this power over him. For making him feel all these things, after all these years.
“You left me a message. A bloody message, Taylor. You didn’t..you didn’t even want to talk about this. I barely saw you when you dropped Eleanor off at my place for the first time after weeks. I didn’t even have the chance to explain. You just left with my daughter within a few minutes. I came home and you were gone. Both of you. My family. Do you know how that feels? It feels like losing everything. I didn’t have a fucking reason to want to live anymore for months and months. So excuse me, but I do think I have the right to ask..“
“Goodnight, Joe. Thanks for the nice evening. I’m going home.“ Taylor mumbles ironically, immediately gets up and walks into his kitchen. She feels her heart bursting. There’s no way she can be in one house, let alone one room with him anymore. She feels like she can’t breath anymore. She feels like he’s taking her air. With all these words that just came out of his mouth.
“There’s no way you’ll get a taxi that late at night.“ He suddenly answers, feels another emotion creep up. He’s scared. Scared to see her leave this house again. Scared to loose her once more, even though he didn’t even really have her tonight. Not really. Not enough to tell her everything.
“I have security.“
“Good luck having them drive up that hill with these snow masses.“ He murmurs, hates to express these feelings with anger bit can’t help it. He seems to follow her around the spacious kitchen. She pours out her wine glass in the sink, then walks back to the living room to grab her cardigan. She looks angry, just like a volcano. Ready to explode.
“I’d rather walk home and die from all this snow than be stuck in this fucking house with you.“ She suddenly turns around, hisses at him. Joe doesn’t reply, looks just as angry. He knows what’s happening. He’s been waiting for what’s happening. It’s the first time they actually talk. It’s the first time two people are confronted with each other since they set a bomb and watched their world explode, fall to pieces. It’s the first eye contact after the storm. After their world has come to an end a year ago.
“I know. You left me a message on the speaker about that last year.“ He says with a sassy undertone, just as offensive as her. She just shakes her head, looks more angry than he thought was possible. She quietly puts on her cardigan, then pauses for a second and looks into his face.
“Fuck you. I really thought you were honest about wanting to work things out tonight. I trusted you.“ She yells, tries not to be too loud to wake her daughter. Joe just looks at her, unable to believe she just said this. He feels all he felt back then slowly come up again. All the anger, all the sadness, all these memories in his head that seemed to haunt him to death.
“Oh you trusted me? Great. Cause I loved you. I fucking loved you. How does that feel, huh.“ He yells but Taylor looks into his angry face, then immediately turns around and walks away.
“Eleanor’s Christmas play begins at 4pm and she has to be there at 3pm. Don’t be late, her teacher will flip.“ She then says in a totally different voice. She seems cold. She has shut down again, has become as unattainable as she has been for the last year. Joe just watches her walk down his hallway, reach for her coat. Her phone is on her ear already as she puts on her boots. He sighs, looks at her walking away. He knows that it wasn’t the smartest choice to say all these things tonight when all he truly wanted was to become a team once more. But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t keep these things inside. The hurt was too big to play this superficial single parent game with her today. He’s not ready to be a single dad. He was never ready to be a single dad. He didn’t sign up to become a single dad. He signed up for raising Eleanor with the love of his life. Not without her.
“What are you doing?“ He murmurs, rubs his eyes. Watching her leave again breaks him even more. He feels exhausted from all these feelings that just boiled up. He feels exhausted from fighting from hating her. Joe slowly walks up to her, but she’s faster. “I’m leaving. Bye.“ She hisses, immediately opens the door and walks outside. The second she steps outside is the second she realizes that this, in fact, was a bad idea. A very bad idea. It’s not just the immense amount of snow that is coming down from the sky. It’s the intense wind, that is making it almost hurtful to feel the snow lashing against her skin. Taylor squeezes her eyes, unable to fully open them as she walks down the steps from his house. She holds her phone closely to her ear, prays for Brandon to pick up. How can the phone lines be that damaged? The national news have predicted that this might be the biggest storm in the modern history of England, but she never thought it would be so bad. It was a mistake to let Eleanor convince her to walk to Joe’s house. She should’ve taken security. She was so stupid.
Just when Taylor is about to fight her way through the iced front yard, she suddenly realizes how slippery the floor really is. Even before she can catch herself, she looses her balance, fights to stay upright, but falls. Within a few seconds, her phone is in the air and Taylor slips, stumbled and falls onto the ground. She feels her back hit the iced floor, feels the hard collision in her bones. She feels like crying. Her back hurts. Her butt hurts. When will this streak of bad luck finally end? Taylor slowly sits up, realizes that she has ice cold snow all inside her clothes. She’s cold. Her phone is gone. She feels tears rolling down her cold and wet cheeks while sitting in the snow, right during this crazy storm. She can’t help but slowly let a first sob escape her mouth. She’s not sure wether it’s her fall or his words. His words that sing on her heart like a knife. She feels so much pain, is not able to get up again. She learnt to get up whenever she fell. But this time, the cold hard ground is too heavy on her.
“Oh my god, are you okay?“ She suddenly hears the same familiar voice behind her that was haunting her in her tears before. Taylor doesn’t move, still sits on her butt in the cold snow and cries her eyes out. The white snow masses on the ground reflect onto the sky, almost light up this dark night. Taylor sinks her head once more, hears fast footsteps in the snow behind her, then feels two hands on her shoulders. “I found your phone. I saw you slipping from my..“ Joe then stops, catches his breath as he realizes that she’s sobbing. Hot tears are running down her face and she immediately pushes his hands away, tries to get up. It’s hurtful to move but it’s even more hurtful to feel him standing behind her, wanting to help her get on her feet again. She can get up alone. She has enough strength to walk home alone. She doesn’t need him. She just doesn’t. Taylor closes her eyes in pain, then gets up. Joe grabs her arm immediately.
“It’s way too dangerous to walk home right now. Please come inside, that looked really bad. Are you in pain?“ He asks, feels incredibly bad that their fight before may have been the reason why she’s hurt now. But Taylor just doesn’t turn around, tries to free herself from his grip while fighting the lashing snow blowing into her wet face. She grabs her phone from his hand, then tries to shake off his big hand that is holding her left arm tightly. “Let go off me.“ She yells while sobbing hysterically, doesn’t want to face him. Joe doesn’t let go off her. There’s no way he’ll let her go home now. There’s no way he’ll let the mother of his child walk home all alone at night during a snow storm after hurting herself already due to the crazy weather conditions. “I won’t.“ He yells back, looks how desperately she tries to free herself. The entire situation must look almost comedic to strangers. Him holding onto her arm and her yelling, trying to free herself while being covered in Snow. “Let go.“ She yells again, then looks at him. He sees her crying face and swallows. He has never seen her more hurt than this. Joe immediately stops thinking, pulls her into a tight hug. She’s still fighting him, begging him to let go. But he’s stronger than her, just places his hand on her head, the other one around her figure. Then, slowly, she gives up. Let’s him hold her. Let’s him hold her in the craziest snow storm that she has ever been in. She cries hysterically into his jacket. Maybe because it all has gotten too much for her. Maybe because he smells like he always did. She can’t stand the pain anymore, in this moment. She’s not strong enough to stand it anymore, right now.
“I’m so sorry.“ He suddenly mumbles into her ear, while holding her. She cries into his shoulder, holds onto him desperately while he feels her limb body in his arms. She knows that he’s not talking about the snowstorm or her fall. “I’m just so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.“ She can hear him say, his voice changed as well. It’s not because of the snow, she knows that. “I broke so many promises, I.. I don’t know why. I always loved you. I always did, please.. please believe me. Don’t go. Please don’t go right now, I.. I need you to not go tonight.“ He mumbles into her almost wet hair, is clearly crying now as well. The amount of snow that’s coming down makes it almost impossible to not have a white layer of snow covering all of their clothes. Yet they’re just standing there hugging. But it’s not the gentle kind of hug, they often used to share. It’s not the loving hug they were both used to. It’s not a way to keep each other warm, anymore. It’s a desperate hug. A desperate way to hold on to each other. Desperate not to fall. Again. Taylor doesn’t reply in any way, just keeps on being more and more weak the second he talks. He holds her close, realizes that she’s freezing, her entire body is shaking. Even more than he is. Joe immediately pulls back, looks into her face. Her cheeks are bright red, her eyes even more so. She looks destroyed and pale. She looks more hurt than he thought he’d ever see her. But she looks at him. She looks at him for the first time. For the first time since then. This is her, opening up.
Look what you’ve done to me.
This is her showing him that she’s still there. That she didn’t forget. She can’t forget. Joe can’t help but place his lips on her bangs, kisses her forehead slowly. She doesn’t stop him, keeps on sobbing. He closes his eyes, breathes her in deeply. Just like then.
Six years, five days and three hours earlier.
“I don’t think we can do this“ Taylor cries, her eyes red and swollen. She sits on her bed, one leg under her butt, the other one hanging down. Her cold and wet hands are placed on her lap. The room is fully lit, even though it’s 2 am. Joe just sits down next to her, hands her the glass of water.
“Take a sip please.“ “Everything will change. All we have will be gone. Do you..“ “Taylor, take a sip.“ He repeats, this time a bit more strict. She hiccups a few times, then grabs the class with her cold and shaky hands. Joe remains right next to her, places his hand on her naked shoulder, strokes her hair gently with his thumb. She’s absolutely terrified and panicked, will surely collapse if she won’t hydrate soon. She has cried since hours. Ever since she went into that bathroom. Joe looks at her, watches her gulp down the glass of water. He knew how thirsty she must’ve been. In between crying and fighting with him, there hasn’t even been a few seconds to drink something. As soon as she’s done, Joe gladly takes the class from her, places it on the nightstand next to her. Taylor breathes heavily, exhausted. She doesn’t move. Joe looks at her, grabs her shaky hand. “That’s good. Breath.“ He whispers, looks at her with a sunken head just breathing. She’s surrendering. She has cried too much. There’s no strength anymore. “I can’t kill it.“ She then mumbles, still not really looking at him. Joe can’t help but smile, immediately places his hand on her cheek to make her look at him. Her eyes are puffy and she has red spots on her face. She always does after crying.
“I don’t want you to kill it.“
“I want it but not now. This was never planned. I wanted to get married first and..“
“We can get married afterwards.“
“You act like this is all fun.“ She suddenly says, a bit more angry than before. She looks up at him, his hand still in her neck. She looks just as scared as before, her red eyes full with tears.
“It is.“
“It’s not.“
“Taylor.“ He then rants, looks into her eyes, “This is our baby.“ he mumbles, a huge smile spread across his face. He immediately places his hand on her stomach, kisses her cheek. “We didn’t plan this, but we always wanted this. I know you feel overwhelmed and you don’t know if you’re ready for this. But you will be. And just know that I am.“ He smiles and looks into her eyes, “I am so, so.. ready. I want all of this. I want all of you. I want the pregnancy, I want the sleepless nights, I want to raise this little angel. I want her or him to look like you, I want the parent teacher conferences, I want the tantrums. I want to do this with you. I love you. You’re my best mate. I want this.. with you.“ He says, got way more quiet at the end of his little speech. Taylor still looks at him, her chin slowly trembling again. He still smiles. She’s so beautiful. She’s a mess but she’s the mess he always wanted. The mess he will always want. He feels her cold and sweaty hand on his cheek. And then he kisses her. He kisses her, feels her hot tears on his lips. He can taste the saltiness. He can taste her fears. Her love.
“I love you too.“ She then cries against his lips. "I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I just.. this is just… it’s a lot and..“
“It’s fine. It’s all fine. We’ll always be fine. It will always be us, Tay. You and me. We went through so much. There’s nothing we couldn’t do. Trust me, baby.“ He mumbles, pulls her into a tight hug. She’s still wearing nothing but her nightgown, has goosebumps all over her soft skin. He feels her soft sobs in his shoulder, kisses the little spot over her left ear a couple times. He then slowly lets go, wipes her tears away and smiles at her puffy face. She still looks scared but happy at the same time. He knew that it was his turn to calm her. She needed to be reassured that she’s not in this alone. That this wasn’t planned but is still something they both always wanted to happen someday. Joe can’t help but place his lips on her bangs, kisses her forehead slowly. She doesn’t stop him, keeps on sobbing. He closes his eyes, breathes her in deeply.
Taylor opens her eyes, then closes them again immediately. She still feels her aching back, feels her eyes that are still swollen and puffy from last night. There’s relief though. Deep relief. She groans tiredly, then opens her eyes again. She looks around confused, realizes just now that she’s in the guest room of his house. It seems to be late already. After all it’s not even dark outside anymore. Taylor scratches her head, then looks around. She hears noises from downstairs, slowly slides the blanket from her legs. She wears some old sweats and a hoodie from him. She doesn’t know these clothes, which implies that they’re new. Taylor remains sitting on the edge of the bed, reaches for her back once more. She’s making a face, then yawns. How could she be so stupid to just run out of this house late at night and think that she could just walk home alone. She’s still emotional over his rant. But it was good to finally get it out. It was good to be honest to each other for once, even if that means that she has a hematoma on her back now. The talk afterwards was important. Nothing is fixed. But they opened up to each other again.
Taylor slowly walks outside of the room, then makes her way downstairs. As soon she gets closer to his kitchen, she can hear Joe’s and Eleanor’s voices coming from the kitchen. There’s her childrens Christmas music coming from the living room and the smell of cinnamon and chocolate makes her smiles slightly. “Now stir it. Yup. Like that.“ “But Daddy, what’s this?“ “Just stir it a little more, angel. Look, let me help.“ Taylor yawns once more, remains in the doorway. Eleanor stands on a chair in front of the kitchen counter. Joe right behind her, guiding her hand with the whisk while stirring the dough. Eleanor then seems to notice her, turns around and is clearly distracted by her momma. “Mummy’s awake.“ She determines and frees herself immediately from the chair and Joe’s grip. Joe just turns around while stirring the rest of the dough, smiles at Taylor. “Great timing as always. Pancakes are coming right up.“ He says busy, as Eleanor already runs into Taylor’s arms.
“Good morning baby.“ Taylor smiles at her daughter, picked her up and holds her on her arm. It’s moments like these when she can’t believe how big her baby has become. She’s not even a baby anymore. Not at all.
“Good morning, mommy.“ The blonde curly head replies and Taylor presses a kiss onto her lips. “How did you sleep?“ “Good.“ “Did you have a nice dream?“ She asks, smiles at Eleanor. This has always been their little morning ritual. Eleanor loves to tell her mom about her dreams and Taylor loves hearing her talk, loves to spark her fantasy when it comes to telling her about a dream she had.
“Mhmhm.“ The little girl shakes her head, but Joe suddenly answers from the stove. “What about the the little baby bear that you told me about last night?“ Taylor immediately laughs, presses another kiss onto her daughter’s cheeks and sits down on the kitchen table next to where Joe is preparing breakfast. Her dreams always include cute pets. She has noticed that pattern. “Did you keep Daddy up last night?“ She asks, Eleanor just shakes her head, playing with her mommy’s long hair. “She came to me at.. about 4 am. We talked about the teddy dream and then went right back to bed.“ He answers, is filling the empty plate next to his pan with fresh pancakes by now. “Did you cuddle with Daddy?“ She asks and Eleanor nods smiling. Taylor kisses her cheek once more. She’s glad Eleanor got some snuggles from her Dad last night. She definitely missed that. Eleanor quickly frees herself from Taylor’s lap and runs up to her dad again. Unfortunately, she’s still too little to see how her Dad is flipping the pancakes. Joe laughs at how desperately she tries to climb onto the chair again, still in her Pjs. He then grabs the little girl with one arm and holds the big baby on his hip while continuing the flipping with just one hand. “One.. two.. three.“ He says, flips the pancake, let’s the pastry fly for a few seconds and then catches it with the pan again. Eleanor squeaks, immediately claps her hands. Taylor laughs, claps for him as well. Joe turn around and laughs at these two girls before preparing the next pancake. Taylor looks at Eleanor. The way she looks at him is something that still gives her goosebumps.
She looks at him as if he’s the king of the world.
He is the king of Eleanor’s world.
“Again, Daddy.“ She says and squeaks one time which makes Joe laugh. “Okay we have one more left.“ He says, handling the pan and then flipping the pancake once more. This time he almost misses to catch it again, struggles to keep half of the pancake inside of the pan. Flipping pancakes with just one hand is more difficult than he thought. Eleanor laughs out loud, screams excitedly and then throws her head back laughing while holding onto his shoulders. Joe grouches desperately, then saves the pancake in the last second. His daughter is still laughing about her desperate Dad, lets her head fall against his shoulder while laughing out loud. Joe smiles at her, sinks his head to kiss hers while smiling at her. There’s no sweeter sound than his baby girl’s laughs in the morning. “Daddy..“ She laughs and Joe turns around with Eleanor on his arm, places the plate of hot pancakes on the kitchen table next to Taylor. She still looks tired but she smiles at how much fun these two are having. She looks how Joe places Eleanor on her chair, immediately fills her plate with a pancake. Taylor helps Eleanor put some bananas on her plate, then looks at Joe again and grants him a soft smile.
“Looks good.“
“Doesn’t just look good, also tastes good.“ He says confident, smirks at her as mischievously as he always did. She replies an ironic smile and shakes her head. If he was always good at one thing in the kitchen then it was his ability to make pancakes.
“How did you sleep? How’s your back?“ He asks and Taylor seems a little uncomfortable, busy eating her pancake. “It’s fine. Advil helped.“ She answers, doesn’t really want to talk about her little break down in the snow last night. Instead she focuses on the girl next to her, runs her fingers through the curly mess on her head. “Are you excited for your play tonight?“ She asks, knows how much Eleanor has been looking forward to her first Christmas play at pre school tonight. It’s actually a big thing. The little girl was chosen for the main role, that is little Rudolph, and Taylor’s heart has never been prouder. Joe promised to join as well after he has missed several choir performances and cake sales in the last year. This is his daughter’s big night and Eleanor has shed too many tears in the last years when her daddy wasn’t there to come along. If he dares to miss this one again, she’ll kill him. Literally. “Yes, mommy.“ She answers, her mouth full of the delicious pancakes that her dad made. At home, Eleanor isn’t that crazy about her pancakes. And even though Taylor uses the exact same recipe as Joe does, the pancakes of course taste better at daddy’s house. Taylor has sussed that out already.
“Daddy are you coming with mommy?“ Eleanor asks Joe, who immediately nods. “Of course. Do you think I’ll miss my angel on stage tonight? No way.“ He says euphorically and Eleanor’s eyes sparkle. Taylor looks at him with that one specific look he knows too well.
You better won’t break this promise or we’ll have a problem.
“Mommy are you coming with daddy?“ “Of course, I’ll be there as well.“ “No, are you and daddy coming together?“ She asks once more, leaves Taylor confused. “Honey, why do you want us so badly to arrive together?“ Taylor laughs, still not sure where Eleanor is going with this. But to Taylor’s surprise, Eleanor suddenly becomes quiet, just slowly eats her pancakes with a pout. Taylor immediately feels that something is off, shares a look with Joe who just shrugs his shoulders. “Honey? What’s wrong?“ Taylor asks, her hand on her daughter’s neck, playing with the tiny blonde curls.
“Emily said that.. that I’m a liarer.“ She mumbles, pouts like a baby all of the sudden. Joe has also put down his cutlery by now, looks at Taylor for help. “Why did Emily say that you’re a liar?“ Taylor asks, and Eleanor still doesn’t reply. Instead she immediately rushes down her chair and crawls onto Taylor’s lap, presses her little face into Taylor’s chest. Taylor naturally hugs her baby tightly, feels soft cries underneath her arms. Joe looks at Taylor in shock. “Tell me what’s wrong, baby. Come on. Mommy wants to know why Emily said that?“ Taylor murmurs, sinks her head to kiss Eleanor’s head. Eleanor then slowly sits up again. Her little face is red and a few tears are still running down her tiny face. Joe feels as if his heart is going to stop. The thing he hates the most in this world is seeing Eleanor cry. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world.
“Eleanor. Give me your hand, angel.“ He says worried, reaches for her tiny hand over the table. She quickly places her tiny hand in her Papa’s while still looking more than whiny. Taylor wipes her tears away, kisses her temple while rocking her slowly. She’s still in her little cat pajamas and naked feet are hanging loosely down from where she’s sitting. She looks like Taylor whenever she’s crying. Joe swallows, gently caresses her tiny hand that he’s holding on the table. “Why did Emily call you a liar?“ He asks now as well and Eleanor looks at him with raised eyebrows and desperation written all over her chubby little face.
“Because.. she said that I lie because I don’t have a daddy and..“ Eleanor doesn’t even have to finish. The entire mood has suddenly changed. Dead silence between them. Taylor swallows, slowly looks up at Joe. He looks broken. He has never felt more pain than in the moment these words escaped his baby’s mouth. She can see that. He immediately gets up, crouches down in front of Taylor and Eleanor and grabs both of Eleanor’s small hands. “Your daddy loves you so much, Eleanor. And tonight when I come to watch your play, Emily will see that she was the one who was lying. Because you know that you have a daddy, right?“ He says, looks into her eyes. She nods. She doesn’t seem to be happy yet. Joe looks desperately at Taylor. She doesn’t know what to say, just sees in Joe’s eyes in how much pain he really is while still holding her baby. She’d love to help him, but she doesn’t know how.
“Do you love mommy? Daddies love mommies and..“
“Honey, who told you that all these rules about what mommies and daddies have to do?“ Taylor immediately steps in, is sick and tired of these conservative values that the parents of this private school are giving their children.
“Do you love mommy?“ Eleanor asks and looks at Joe who still crouches in front of the chair. Taylor suddenly feels her throat growing more and more tight. She didn’t want to go there, but apparently Eleanor really wants to know. Joe hesitates first, then swallows before nodding. “Of course I do. I love mummy so much, you have no idea. Your mummy is my favorite person in the whole world. And so are you, my love. Don’t let these girls tell you lies. From now on, I’ll always be at any school event to prove these mean girls wrong, huh? Does that sound good? If you want I can say hello to Emily tonight.“ He says and Eleanor seems to finally look happy. She smiles and nods, then slowly crawls down from Taylor’s lap and into Joe’s arms. He hugs her tightly while crouching in front of Taylor’s chair, closes his eyes while holding the little body as tight as possible. He’s crying. Taylor knows that. He presses his eyes together, as tightly as possible. She swallows. His words have touched her. This is the first time she feels like crying as well. Where on earth did they they go wrong? How could it ever come to this?
“Daddy loves you so much. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you don’t have a daddy because none of these kids have a daddy who loves them as much as I love you. Okay?“ He mumbles into her ear and she nods. “I love you too, daddy.“ She mumbles and Taylor swallows, takes a deep breath not to cry as well. Joe then kisses the girl’s head a few times. Eleanor seems to be easier to ease than they thought. She climbs onto her chair again, seems as happy as before. How easy it is to make a child happy. How wonderful this life would be if it would work like this for adults as well. Taylor looks at Joe but he doesn’t return her stare, just sits back down again, stirring the spoon in his tea. “Mommy, can I get up and play?“ She asks politely and Taylor nods, clearly none of them in the mood to be strict today anymore. Eleanor walks up, runs into the living room and starts to play with her dolls again. Taylor looks at Joe who just quietly gets up. He seems to have lost his appetite. She can’t blame him.
Taylor watches him start to clean everything up and gets up as well. He’s tense. She feels that. She knows him too well. He wants to cry. He is about to cry. She slowly places her hand on his shoulder while watching him rinse off the plates. He doesn’t react. After all, he’s not a bad father. He shouldn’t feel like a bad father. Ever. “These things come from all these over- privileged kids with their old parents who are all lawyers or doctors. Don’t..“ “She’s right. A dad attends school events. A dad is sitting in the front row. I’m not..“ “Don’t do this to yourself“ She immediately interrupts, doesn’t want him to go there. He has made mistakes, yes. But he has made so many things right as well. Eleanor adores him. She loves him to death. All of that is because he did so many other things right. Even when he was away.
“She loves you.“ Taylor says, her hand still on his shoulder, caressing him. She can’t stand to see him like this. It’s true that he hasn’t been a great partner to her at the end of their relationship. But he’s not a bad father. Not at all. “Yeah, because I make pancakes and pay for things.“ He replies quietly with that sarcasm in his voice that makes Taylor sigh. It makes her angry to hear him say things like that. Cause it’s not true. Not at all.
“Joseph!“
“It’s true though, isn’t it?“ He asks, trust around to face her. She lets go off his shoulder and looks at him, feels a lump in her throat. He has tears in his eyes. It’s been a long time since she has seen him this emotional. She slowly turns around to make sure Eleanor is not listening to any of this. But the little girl seems to be in her own world again, slowly sums the words to her favorite Christmas song while playing on the floor. “It’s not. Not at all. She loves you because you make her laugh, because you’re so kind to her. Because you love her unconditionally. You brought her to sleep when she was just a baby and she has her earliest memories with you. Don’t let these five year old brats let you..“ “I should’ve been there.“ He interrupts, turns around to continue rinsing the dishes.
She doesn’t fight him this time. Yes. He should’ve been there.
“You can be there from now on.“ Taylor says, not sure why it’s so important to her to let him know that he’s not a bad father after all. “You can become the helicopter Dad, If you want. You can change this from now on. You can fix this. You can fix all of this from now on.“ She says, reminding him of the Taylor he once fell in love with. The most positive person he has ever met. The little sunshine on a dark and rainy day. Her soft voice that was able to soothe all the chaos in his head. Joe slowly turns around. He still looks as emotional as before. But this time he looks right into her eyes. And it hits her deeper than she thought cause she can feel what he feels, once again. Just like it was back then. “I can’t fix it all, can I?“ He murmurs and she realizes that they’re not just talking about Eleanor anymore. This is about them.
Taylor remains silent, doesn’t stop looking into his eyes. She can still read these promises in his eyes. She can still read all these dreams that never came true. He’s still Joe and he will forever be Joe.
“You will never know how much I wish you would. I wish you would fix this. All of this. Us.“ She replies with a shaky voice, feels how her knees are growing weak. She swallows her tears once more, looks at Joe who seems rattled up all of the sudden. He looks breathless, waits eagerly for her to continue. “But you can’t. And you know that.“ Joe looks surprised, but sad and frustrated at the same time. He changes his standing position, crosses his arms slowly. This is not how he expected her little speech to end.
“I can. Why do you think I can’t fix it?“ He asks and she sighs. Do they really have to go there again? “Because you love your job. And having a child means that..“ “You never gave me a second chance. Why? Why don’t I deserve a second chance? I became this fucking young asshole Hollywood actor who didn’t understand that family and job are hard to combine. I know that now. You were always more mature when it comes to that. But I have learned my lesson. Ever since you walked out that door, I have learned my lesson. I have learned what it means to loose your family. I know now that my job’s great but my family is better. Why can’t you forgive me? I just want a second..“
“Giving out chances means nothing else but bringing uncertainty in her life. This is not just about us anymore. This is about Eleanor’s life. Her emotional life. If I tell her that Daddy will be there from now on and then after a few months you decide that your movies are more important again, how do you think she’ll deal with it? I’m done hearing her cries when you decide to come home later. I’m done missing you.“ She said, suddenly realizes what just slipped out of her mouth. “I mean, I’m done watching her miss you. We can’t have any more uncertainty in our life. And that’s why I didn’t give you a chance when you..“
“I’m her father. How can you not give me a second chance?“ He suddenly asks and Taylor freezes. She looks into his eyes and suddenly doesn’t know what to say. He just leans against the counter once more, his arms crossed, his hair still messy from bed. She looks into his ocean blue eyes while standing in front of him, then sinks her head and lets out a slow breath. He has nerves to just say this.
“Do you think there’s anyone out there who’ll ever love you two more than I do? You’re my life. You two are my life. You as much as her. I would swim from England to America If I’d have to for you two. I.. I made mistakes. I hate myself for it. But that will never stop me from loving you. And I’m glad that there was a crazy snowstorm last night so I could finally imprison you in this house because this is the first time in months that you’re not running away from me. I haven’t.. I haven’t touched you in over a year. I haven’t kissed you in over a year. I miss waking up next to you. I miss us three. I miss my best friend. I just..“ Joe sighs, ends his little speech and looks at her. He never thought he’d finally be able to say this and he’s well aware that his timing seems off. The dishes behind him are waiting to be rinsed off and his daughter is on the other end of this flat, playing happily with her toys. The timing seems off but it has never felt more right to say these words. He looks at Taylor and she stares out of the window behind him. “You act like all of this is so easy on me. I miss my best friend, too. But I love her and I won’t.. I won’t cause this huge change in her life just because you say all these things. I want you to act, not talk. And unless you do, none our feelings are relevant here. She’s a child. She’s dependent on us and I won’t.. I won’t risk her getting hurt.“ Joe can’t reply to that anymore. He just looks at Taylor who has had watery eyes. But she seemed to have caught herself again, slowly swallows the emotionality down. She looks back at him now and all he sees is her broken heart. The heart of the love of his life that he broke with his own hands. Joe looks down slowly, then looks back up again.
“I still believe in us. I never stopped believing in us. I still think that you and me are..“
“You got what I said. I should get going.“ She interrupts, this time eager to follow her plans. Joe swallows. He feels rejected. In a hurtful way. But he understands her. If this is her decision, he has to understand her. “Don’t you want to drive together, later? I think it would be nice for Eleanor to..“ “Yeah, I’ll be back at 2pm. I’ll help you two get ready.“ She answers monotone, doesn’t look at him anymore. “Thanks for the breakfast.“ She adds, then turns around and stumbles upstairs to change.
Seven years, five days and three hours earlier.
“Put that damn thing away, woman.“ Joe mumbles, reaches for the polaroid camera in her hand. But she’s faster, quickly stretches out her hands while sitting on him, still wearing nothing but his while T- shirt. Underwear is overrated. Especially when they have touched each others most intimate parts anyway everywhere already. She starts to squeak as she realizes that he’s stronger than her, gives up as soon as Joe has towered her and lets go off the camera. He laughs at her, places the camera on her nightstand before pulling her back to bed with him. She laughs out loud, feels his strong arms grabbing her from behind. He bombards her with kisses on the cheek. She laughs, tries to fight him but gives up. “I just wanted one cute photo. Just one cute photo of my boyfriend.“ She protests, but Joe just keeps on working on her temple. “We’re having sex. Can we agree on a no-cute-photo policy during sex, please.“ He whispers and Taylor laughs, closes her eyes. She loves the way he’s working on her ear now, enjoys every second of his touch. His big hand is slowly making it’s way under her shirt, his fingertips brushing her left nipple, giving her goosebumps once more. “We’re not having sex. You just took a two hours nap, grandpa.“ she counters and Joe laughs, breathes out some hot hair. She can feel that tickling on her ear, his gentle hands that are still discovering all these hidden body parts. “You brought me to my limits. And we’re too late for my mum’s dinner already.“ Taylor smiles at him, loves the reason why both of them will be late. She turns around, simply looks at him. He smiles cheekily at her and she remains like this, looking into his eyes and granting him the biggest smile. She needs no words. Joe slowly gets closer, lets their lips touch each other for a split second before kissing her once more as If it’s the most natural thing in the world. “This is so weird.“ She laughs then slowly into the kiss, her head on the pillow, him over her. She loves his weight on her. She loves the fact that their noses are still touching.
“What?“ He whispers against her lips once more, slowly buries his hands in her hair.
“We’re just.. everything.“ She whispers, is so close to him that there clearly is no necessity for them to speak up in any way. “And what’s that?“ He smiles, steals her full lips one more kiss.
“Best friends. Lovers. You give me orgasms.“ Joe can’t help but laugh quietly. He buries his face in her neck, slowly suckles on her warm skin.
“I love giving you orgasms.“ Taylor smirks while placing her hand in his hair. She looks at the ceiling, feels his soft lips kissing her skin.
“I love that you love giving me orgasms.“ She replies. He slowly lets go off her, then crawls back to press his nose against hers.
“I love you.“ He answers and Taylor looks into his eyes. She can’t help but touch his face once more, explores every inch of his skin with her fingertips. “Forever, baby.“ She smiles, kisses him slowly. Joe deepens the kiss, presses his body even more onto hers. He hears her soft moans while growing closer and closer. Her legs that slowly open up and the way she pulls him in…
“Mommy, can I wear the same lip color as you?“ Eleanor asks for the fifth time since Taylor has entered the house. She stands in front of Joe’s bathroom mirror, fixing her hair while waiting for him to get ready. She turns around and faces her daughter. The little girl is nervous, she can sense that.
“Honey, you will play Rudolph the reindeer. You can’t wear red lipstick. All your friends’ lawyer moms will think I’m an awful mother for allowing you to wear lipstick at only five years old.“ Taylor laughs at her pouting daughter. Sometimes when they have a girl’s night at home, Eleanor is allowed to play with her make up. Put not tonight. And especially not with all these conservative private school parents in the room who already talk about superstar mom Taylor Swift and her child anyway.
“Please mommy.“ She pouts and Taylor was about to answer as Joe suddenly enters the bathroom. “Where does that pout come from..“ He jokes, looks around and pretends to look for Eleanor. The little girl immediately starts to laugh, jumps up and down to make him notice her. Joe then suddenly notices her and smiles at Eleanor while struggling with his tie. Taylor smirks at him. He looks handsome, she won’t deny that. Joe in a tie will always be nice to look at. “I want to wear the lip color like mommy. She looks so pretty.“ Eleanor pouts at her dad again, crosses her arms dramatically while pulling on the skirt of Taylor’s dress. “It’s called lipstick, baby. You look just as pretty without lipstick though.“ Taylor says, as Joe crouches down to be on one level with Eleanor. She still is throwing a tantrum, but Joe immediately places his big hands around her small figure, looks into her face. “Love, you know why I always hated when mommy wore lipstick?“ He asks and Eleanor looks at him confused, doesn’t understand how anyone could not like her momma’s colorful lips as much as she does. She shakes her little head and Joe still holds onto her. “Because whenever she wore lipstick, daddy couldn’t kiss her because then daddy’s lips would be red, too. So what am I going to do If you wear lipstick now as well? Then I won’t get any kisses here anymore.“ He says dramatically, makes Eleanor laugh out loud. Joe makes a grimace and then forms his lips to give her a kiss. Eleanor immediately leans in and gives him a kiss on the lips. He smiles at her, signals her that he needs one more and then gets up. Taylor quietly observes how Eleanor slowly walks off, grabs the rest of the Barbie’s she has placed in front of the bathroom while playing. It amazes her any time how much Joe can calm her with his words. How he can simply make her laugh, in any given situation. Thinking that he’s a bad father is so wrong. A bad father doesn’t give his baby girls kisses like these. These two have a bond she’ll always admire.
Taylor, who still leans against the counter looks at him. Joe notices her stare, looks back at her once more. She wears a dark blue dress, her hair in a bun. She wears high heels and he knows that she’s already the fittest mum in the entire room of parents tonight. She always was.
“You look hot, mommy.“ He answers and Taylor just looks at him with an outraged look, immediately hits him into the side and rolls her eyes. He laughs, shrugs his shoulders while still trying to fix his tie in the mirror. “Shut up, Alwyn.“ She mumbles, can’t stand to see him struggling with his tie any longer.
“Oh god, let me do this.“ She rolls her eyes, immediately reaches for his tie to help him fix it. Joe smiles down at her. She’s concentrated. He loves that. She suddenly looks up at him and then back down again. This feels like normalcy. “Are you always that desperate without me?“ She mumbles, clearly amused that it took him five minutes to fix his tie and for her less than thirty seconds to help him. She lets go off him, smirks and he laughs slightly, looks into the mirror once more. “I am. Look at me.“ He jokes, makes her laugh again. She hates the fact that it’s so easy with him.
She hates the fact that she’s enjoying this. Him.
“Do you still have some cash? They’re collecting donations at the end of the play and I only have ten pounds in my..“ “We pay them a ridiculous amount of money every year. Don’t you think they..“ “Joseph, this is your daughter’s education and they ask for donations, so we..“ “Alright, alright, mother Theresa. I’ll prepare a nice check for this poor private Hampstead school.“ He smirks while fixing his hair and Taylor rolls her eyes.
“Be nice. We’ll meet all of Eleanor’s teachers, her friends’ parents and..“ “I know how to behave, Tay. Calm down.“ He laughs. It seems that both of his girls are a bit nervous for tonight. Taylor was just about to walk outside the bathroom to get Eleanor ready to go as Joe stops her one more time. She turns around and he signals her to step into the room once more, carefully closes the door quietly. “What?“ She asks confused. Joe looks uncomfortable, knows that he still has to ask this. “Have you.. do they.. do they know we’re not together anymore or..“ Taylor looks at him a bit unsettled, shrugs her shoulders. She then crosses her arms, has no idea what to say. “I never told anyone. I don’t think they know.“ Taylor says. There certainly have been a couple of break up rumors in the media this last year but never enough to even let the parents and teachers at Eleanor’s school know that they’re taking a break. “Do you want us to act like.. or..“ “I won’t lie to them.“ Taylor immediately answers, her arms still crossed. She has put her walls up once more. Joe just nods. Her answers was clear. Taylor walks out and Joe checks himself out in the mirror again. He doesn’t understand her. In one second, they’re laughing and she’s opening up, treating him like she always did. In the next second he’s the bad guy again. Joe sighs, rubs his eyes. Why does this have to be so difficult?
“Mommy, can I go to Anna and Lily?“ Eleanor asks her mom while walking down the school corridor on her daddy’s hand. She smiles at Eleanor and how excited she is. She’s nervously bouncing up and down on Joe’s hand. Seeing her friends with all these dressed up parents certainly makes the little girl more nervous than before. Taylor immediately stops, crouches down to Eleanor and smiles at her. “Of course. Look, Ms. Downing is also here.“ Taylor smiles, glad to know that her teacher will take care of the toddlers before their big show. “Baby, Daddy and me will be watching from the front row. Grandma and Grandpa will cheer on you as well and after that we’ll celebrate you. Promise. We’re so proud of you, no matter what. I love you.“ She smiles, give her little kid one last hug. Joe smiles at Eleanor, then also crouches down. Now it’s his turn. He hugs her tightly, then whispers something into her ear. Taylor can’t understand a word he’s saying, just notices all the stares from the other parents that are also dropping off their child for last rehearsals in this big old corridor. She’s uncomfortable, as always. This school is one of a high- profile yet she seems to be the only ‘superstar‘ dropping off her child. As so often, people stare then turn their heads to talk to the person next to them. She sighs. How much she hates these shady London elitist parents.
Taylor looks down to Eleanor, who’s still holding onto her hand and who’s now laughing at whatever her Dad is whispering into her ear. Taylor can’t help but smile. She looks so cute tonight, wears a jeans dress and her favorite shimmering tights. She can’t wait to see this little girl in her Rudolph costume. A moment she’ll probably never forget. Joe then kisses her cheek a few times before requesting another kiss on the lips and then gets up to let her walk off. Joe and Taylor both wave at her, look at her walking up to her friends. “She’s so big. I feel like crying already.“ Taylor mumbles and Joe nods. He never thought that it would be such a weird feeling to see her do her own thing. To realize that she has fun with her friends, simply walks off and enjoys herself. That’s how it should be. Still, it’s the hardest thing to watch.
“What did you tell her?“ Taylor asks him then, looks back at him while slowly walking into the other direction of the corridor. They pass a few other parents who are already on their way to the annual cake bazaar. “I just gave her some tips. From actor to actress, you know.“ He smirks. Taylor returns his smile. He and Eleanor have so many similarities. It’s incredible.
“Okay, let me tell you a few important things..“ Taylor mumbles before entering the big assembly hall. They quickly rush into the first row, place their coats on four seats and then make their way out again. “Ms. Hendersson is Anna’s mom. And Ms. Mandra is Lily’s mom. She’s the Asian woman. We like them both cause they’re Eleanor’s friend. We won’t talk to the big redhead monster. Her son Brandy has hit Eleanor last month and..“ “He what?“ Joe asks shocked suddenly, looks at Taylor totally confused while making their way through the big old hallway once more. It’s dark outside already and the unpleasant old ceiling lights are lighting the building at this evening. “I told you about this.“ Taylor mumbles as they walk past the small classrooms once more. “You didn’t.“ He immediately says, “If I would’ve heard that some guy has hit my daughter I’d remember it trust me.“ Joe answers and Taylor rolls her eyes at him. “That ‘guy‘ is a five year old boy, so calm down.“ “I’m not surprised he’s a problem kid already. His name is Jack Daniels, who the fuck..“ he stops, immediately feels Taylor’s elbows in his side. She shakes her head, can’t hide a smirk as they walk pass a few other parents. He has always been overprotective when it came to Eleanor.
As they enter the room, Taylor sighs deeply. Her biggest wish is for this night to finally come to an end, even though it hasn’t even started yet. She looks around. Many parents and teachers are having glass of champagne in their hands already while chatting the night away in all their British accents. Taylor hates these superficial interactions. An enormous amount of these parents are ten years older than them, showing off their huge diamond rings while sipping on their glasses. Taylor is very familiar to the stares as soon as she attends one of these school events. But this time, entering this room full of parents is suddenly very different. And it takes her exactly ten seconds to realize why. This time, the focus is not on her. It’s on the handsome company in the suit, right next to her. “Is this Ms. Clarkson..“ Joe murmurs, as the woman suddenly comes running to him, interrupts her answer. “Are you Eleanor’s father?“ - a middle aged woman suddenly walks up to them, immediately shakes his hand. “I mean.. you certainly are. The resemblance is astonishing.“ She laughs, doesn’t even notice Taylor at all, not even grants her a polite smile while shaking Joe’s hand. “Oh thank you. I hope so.“ Joe jokes slightly, makes the woman in front of them cackle in laughter immediately. Taylor looks around, can’t believe that this is how this night starts. “Mr. Alwyn, we’re so pleased to finally meet you. I’m Ms. Clarkson. I teach your daughter since last year. She’s such a bright little girl. You must be incredibly proud.“ The woman gushes, doesn’t even face Taylor at all while shaking her hand. She seems captivated by him. Taylor could puke right there. Joe just smiles politely as always, listens to the woman talk. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Clarkson. We heard so much about you already. Thanks again for the wish tree my daughter gave me.“ He says and the woman starts to laugh again. Taylor feels how annoyed she already is, after only five minutes into the event. She looks at Ms. Clarkson, notices how different she acts while talking to Joe. She’s flirting. Being more obvious about the fact that she seems to find the man in front of her attractive seems impossible.
As soon as the brown haired woman starts to go on and on about how generous his last donation has been to the school, Taylor realizes that she needs a drink. As soon as possible. She slowly walks off, makes her way to the waiter at the end of the room and gladly takes two glasses from his tray. As she was just about to make her way back to Joe, she spots little Anna’s parents and walks over. This is a small talk she can’t escape.
Ten minutes. Ten minutes later, right when she noticed that donations are about to be collected, Taylor tries to make her way back to Joe. During all that smalltalk with all these boring people, Taylor completely forgot that the second glass was for Joe. She didn’t mind though. Champagne is definitely all she needed to get over with this evening.
She slowly places the glass on the serving tray, then looks around the big crowded room. It takes her exactly two second to spot her company. And she can’t believe it. Joe talks to a small group of some mothers. All of them clearly in their forties and clearly enjoying the conversation. She could get nauseous by the way these Hampstead moms look at him. The permanent giggles. The lovey eyes. She’s used to this reaction when it comes to going out with him. Joe has always been dreamy and the fact that he’s not really aware of this quality is part of the effect he has on most women.
Taylor crosses her arms. This is unbelievable. He’s a father, for goodness sake! He’s at his child’s school. How can these mothers just stand there as a troop and flirt with him shamelessly. He doesn’t even notice, she can see that in the way he talks. He’s telling a story. He’s not flirting. She knows him too well to differentiate his gestures. He’s clearly not aware of the eyes these women are giving him. Taylor doesn’t know what it is, but she suddenly feels a wave of protectiveness rush over her. Old feelings, very old feelings she hasn’t had in a very very long time are creeping back up. Especially this one particular feeling she hasn’t had in a long time. Maybe it’s because he’s wearing a suit or maybe it’s because she sees how these women are looking at him, almost drooling at the sight of his gorgeous face. He is the father of her child. He came here with her. If any of these frustrated single moms think that this is how this works, then they’re wrong. She’s leaving with him. End of the story.
Taylor immediately starts to walk over. First one, then two, then three pairs of eyes are suddenly on her. Taylor immediately fakes a smile, leans her arm around Joe’s shoulder and looks up at him. She can tell that he’s confused by the way she acts around him, stops his story of how he filmed his very first movie real quick and looks at her in pure confusion. Taylor smiles into the group of clearly aroused housewives and apologizes. “I’m so sorry for interrupting. I was so rude not to introduce myself before, sorry. I’m Mrs. Alwyn. Eleanor’s mother.“ She smiles, shakes the women’s hands automatically. Not just Joe looks totally confused at her, also the women she’s shaking hands with suddenly share a few confused looks. Mrs. Alwyn. Does that mean that Taylor Swift has gotten married after all? “Can I hijack my husband for a few seconds? Lovely to talk to you.“ She smiles, grabs Joe by his suit and pulls him out of this loud classroom. As soon as he walks down the empty hallway behind her, he finally opens his mouth. Still speechless about the scene she just caused back in the classroom. But Taylor’s going fast on her high heels, dragging him with her in a speed that’s confusing him even more. “Could you maybe explain to me what this was, or..?“ Joe asks but she doesn’t answer, instead seems eager to walk to the end of the hallway with him. “I can’t believe you introduced yourself as ‘Mrs. Alwyn‘“ he laughs, still not processing that she apparently decided to not tell these people that they broke up. He still walks behind her, confused of where’s she’s headed to. “What are you doing?“ “Showing you the school that you pay thousands of pounds to every month?“
Suddenly Taylor takes a right turn, walks up to a closed classroom at the end of the corridor. She opens the door, then turns on the light immediately. “What are you doing?“ Joe asks again. She seems different than before. More quiet.
“I want to talk.“ She murmurs, lets him enter the classroom, then closes the door and locks it. He leans against one of the small tables in the middle of the room, looks at her with a confused look on his face.
“Why are we..“
Taylor then walks up to him, doesn’t even stop before simply kissing him. Joe doesn’t move, hesitates for a split second before slowly placing his hands on her back, returning the kiss. She seems breathless, restless. Her kiss is gentle but dominant. She’s angry. He feels that. She then lets go off the kiss, breathes heavily then stumbles back to the door. She walks back and forth. She seems out of her mind. And he’s out of breath, not sure wether he’s dreaming or not.
“Have you seen these sad, desperate women?“ She suddenly turns around, starts to gesticulate with her hands in the air while looking at him. The red lipstick on her lips is clearly smudged and she’s rattled up. Angry, to say the least. “Mr. Alwyn, it’s so nice to meet you. Your daughter is such a joy to our school. Whoops-a-daisy, Mr. Alwyn, my legs just fell open..“ she imitates them in a squeaky voice, makes even Joe laugh quietly. He still leans against the table, still more than confused from their kiss. But he gets it now. He knows her too well. She has had champagne, but she’s not drunk.
Right now, she’s drunk on something totally else. And that is called jealousy.
“You got jealous.“ He laughs quietly, his hand in the pocket of his trousers, while watching her come closer to him once more. “What was it that got you? I’m just interested.“ He smirks, definitely proud that she’s still so protective of him. Taylor immediately wraps her arms around his neck, presses her torso against his and kisses him again. He feels out of breath. Her lips feel too good. Her smell. Her taste. All of that brings back all these feelings.
God, he loves this woman. He has never stopped loving this woman.
Taylor slowly lets go off him, nipples on his lower lip, her hot breath in his mouth. “I want you to fuck me in this classroom, Joe.“ She suddenly breathes against his lips, still sucking on his lower lip slowly. Joe looks at her, a mixture of pure lust and uncertainty in his eyes. Is she serious right now?
“Are you drunk?“ He whispers, tries not to laugh. She’s crazy. She always was. Suddenly Taylor kisses him again, seems to be sober enough to look into his eyes like she always did. And that’s when she suddenly gets what he’s doing. At first he was shocked. Then he understood that she was serious. And now, all he does is tease her. Tease her with his gorgeous smile. With simply standing there, not acting upon her hot words. He’s showing her that she can kiss him, but she can’t have him.
But If really he wants to play this game, she can play it as well.
Taylor slowly lets go off him, walks back to the door once more. She immediately turns off the light, then slowly makes her way back to him. He can hear the sound of her high heels on the floor, laughs quietly. He still can’t believe what has gotten into her. This side of her was something he discovered after months into their relationship. They always had this undeniable chemistry. She learnt to open up, to live out her fantasies with him. This is her opening up again. This is her admitting that she still wants him by herself. Even after all.
“Have you seen the tall brown haired guy in the grey suit?“ She asks through the dark, leans against him once more after returning to him. Her hands are in his neck again and her torso is pressed against his. She’s almost nibbling on his lip once more while talking, leaving Joe with goosebumps. “His son is really friendly with Eleanor. He’s a single dad. Trust me, there were so many cake sales where he looked at me and I..“ She stops, bites her lips. She can see in his eyes through the dark that he’s looking at her lips. Still captivated by the sound of her voice. The hot breath against his skin.
“And I knew that he’d love to do this for you.“ She finishes.
Two can play this game.
“Do what?“ He whispers, and she bites her lips once more. “Fuck me in this classroom. Make me scream. Make me scream like only you could make me scream. Make me drip on your feet. Make me forget my own name while.. while having you in me. Inside of me.“ Joe’s hands are suddenly incredibly tight on her waist as he runs circles on her sides and up to her ass, then he kisses her again. This time he’s the one that’s protective, almost possessive. Maybe it’s the darkness. Maybe it’s the fact that they both know how wrong this is. All of this. Joe starts to nip on her neck. She breathes out heavily, a soft moan in his ear.
“You’re mine. And you know that“ he whispers as he guides his tense hand to the hem of her dress, lets his soft fingers pull up the fabric inch by inch. Until he can feel her butt cheeks under his fingertips. She’s wearing a thong. Her lips on his are driving him insane. He can’t think straight anymore. A primal instinct taking over him. Just the thought of her being touched by another man is driving him insane. Only he’s allowed to do this. Only he’s allowed to make her moan into his ear like this.
“Fuck me.“ She moans out, doesn’t have to guide him anymore. Only profanities are escaping her mouth and she knows that she wants this. She fucking needs this. Her hands are on his suit and she digs her nails into his back, so deep that she swears he’ll feel the scratches on his naked skin tomorrow. Joe automatically kisses her, harder this time. His brain is on another level. All that matters is her. He looks into her eyes once more, right through the darkness of the room and pulls her thong down her legs immediately. He then pulls back, turns them around and places her on the table. He looks into her eyes and can’t help but kiss her again.
She’s was right. She’s his. His only.
#christmasbound#lovebound#taylor swift#joe and taylor#taylor swift fanfiction#joe and taylor fanfiction#joe alwyn#fanfiction#fanfic
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alpha/beta are carol/daryl foils: an analysis no one asked for; twd s10 spoilers, obviously
hoo boy. okay, so i’ve been intending to write this for days, but i had to let it marinate, and also i haven’t been sleeping and couldn’t concentrate long enough to write it down, but whatever, i digress. “we are the end of the world” was something, wasn’t it?? it is so weird to have a plotline in twd that’s like...good? and SO refreshing to have a villain who isn’t a macho, rapey, white dude. i personally believe that all showrunners should be women from now on. oh, i’m digressing again, my apologies.
here’s the actual content, under the cut bc it’s a fucking novel:
so, from alpha’s very first episode, when i saw her shaving her head, i literally thought, “oh, so she’s carol’s foil and they’re going to have an inevitable showdown, huh?” guess who was right? this bitch. but what i didn’t catch right away was how beta is also daryl’s foil, and how the main focus of this season is alpha/beta vs carol/daryl.
let’s take it apart individually first, yeah?
carol vs. alpha:
like i said, the scene that made me instantly aware of what they were setting up was when alpha shaved her head. carol’s hair was a big thing in season 9, and the fact that we had just had henry talking about carol growing her hair out long, juxtaposed with alpha shaving hers off, is what set the alarm bells off for me. i have said over and over that i don’t believe kang does anything unintentionally, and girl loves her symbolism, so those two opposing scenes was a taste of what she was setting up.
carol and alpha are both near-indestructible forces who also happen to be mother’s suffering the loss of their children at the hand of the other. (carol isn’t directly responsible for lydia, but she’s included with “the others” that took lydia from alpha, so i think alpha still sees her as part of it.)
carol and alpha both have transformed themselves to fit within the confines of the world they currently live in, while recognizing that their children weren’t meant for it, even within their own grief. let us refer to figures a and b (lol) below.
figure a:
here in “the grove” we have creepy girl who i hate and am terrified of asking carol if sophia died because she was weak, and carol straight up is like, “yes.” she doesn’t even sugarcoat it. she accepted that her daughter wasn’t going to survive from the jump, because “there wasn’t a mean bone in her body.”
figure b:
here we see alpha losing her goddamn shit, because she’s having a come-to-jesus moment with beta about losing lydia, because she can’t have lydia and be the alpha at the same time, because lydia “is not like” her.
conclusion: carol and alpha both mourn for their daughters, but have accepted that to be the people they need to be in the apocalypse, their children needed to die (or in lydia’s case, be dead metaphorically). in short, carol and alpha are two sides of the same coin. they’ve both found ways to survive, except one is for the good guys, and the other is for the bad guys, and now they’re head-to-head, and it is d e l i c i o u s.
moving on.
daryl vs beta:
idk why the parallels didn’t occur to me when they had daryl fighting beta. i blame henry, he was distracting me by being a delightful idiot (rip my dumb bitch), but that seed was planted in season 9, too. go kang for continuity. who knew twd could do that? anyway.
the big thing that compares daryl and beta is who they were before they found carol and alpha respectively. we obviously don’t know a whole lot of details about beta’s life, but we have enough to extrapolate and compare, and extrapolate and compare we shall.
alright, so we got our favorite lovable, filthy redneck, who grew up abused and isolated, and then here comes the apocalypse, and the only person he has left is his brother, and that’s what defines him until he loses him, both when rick chained him to a roof, and then again, after a brief relapse, when merle sacrificed himself.
next we have beta, who again, our info is limited, but he does not become “beta” until after whoever that walker alpha puts down is gone. judging by the size, approximate age, and the closeness beta had to him, i’m betting on, you guessed it, his brother.
observe:
figure a:
figure b:
these are both turning points for these men, where they Fully Become the dudes that we know. daryl couldn’t be the daryl we know and love until merle was gone for good, and whatever his actual name is couldn’t become beta until smiley face shirt guy was smooshed.
(side note: how fucking rank does that t-shirt have to be by now? at least the mask dries out, but do you think that t-shirt is just like, melded into beta’s skin at this point? gross.)
so time for the fun part.
alpha/beta and caryl in season 10:
season 10 finds both duos in similar circumstances, by which i mean, alpha and carol are losing their minds, and beta and daryl are like, “uhhhh, you ok?” the men are these women’s confidants, their person, the one they trust and love above all others. carol saved daryl and brought him into a community, and alpha did the same thing with beta. you want more visual aides? well, sure thing, scout!
figure a:
we’re carylers, we already know carol’s the reason daryl has the confidence and self-esteem to become part of the group, but juxtapose this with the following pic, which i will label
figure b (again):
and you will see that alpha sees something in beta that no one else does. she sees this lonely, talented man, who’s adrift and in solitude, and she essentially calls dibs. sound familiar? inorite?
so daryl and beta are now loyal to a fault to their women, and this season already has them being wary of how they’re acting. yes, i have more pictures. i like taking screenshots, okay?
figure a:
one of the first scenes we get with caryl is daryl asking carol if she’s still thinking about alpha, and if she is Dwelling, which is interesting, because...
figure b:
...that’s exactly the same thing we get with alpha and beta. the first scene in “we are the end of the world” with the two of them in present day is him questioning her motives, and then later on he’s like, “fuck, are you Dwelling?”
and both women immediately are like:
and neither dude knows wtf to do about this, because they’re used to the women being the strong ones. carol’s whole, “you’ve got to feel it, but not me, i’m good repressing, conceal don’t feel” thing, mixed with alpha’s, “we’re living like the dead and the dead don’t feel emotions so obviously I Am Fine” motto is what their boys are used to, but suddenly carol is hallucinating dead children, and alpha is making shrines, and our poor dudes are like, “plz stop???” esp bc they know these women are FUCKING TERRIFYING, and should never be left to their own devices if they’re being crazy crackers.
ergo, both men are clinging to the hope that they can bring the women back from the brink. my last visual aides, yes i know, how sad:
figure a:
figure b:
both scenes have these dudes reaching out to their women and essentially expressing, in their own way, “i’m worried about you, can you plz stay within eyesight at all times, ilu,” bc neither daryl nor beta is equipped to have a nice long sit down conversation about feelings, and obviously carol and alpha wouldn’t bother to entertain it in the first place, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. they tried.
will it work? unlikely! because after that showdown at the end of both eps 1 and 2, these bitches ain’t about to stop for nothing. they just straight up made enemies for life, and they’re going straight harry potter with this shit, neither can live while the other survives, someone has to die, and while beta and daryl are not super on board with this whole “being bonkers and bent on revenge” thing, you better bet your ass that they’re going to make sure their woman is the winner, which means they automatically are paired up against one another as well.
so in a nutshell: we could have just stuck goatees on mmb and norman reedus, cast them as alpha and beta, and called them mirror!verse caryl (star trek reference, yay/nay?), because they’re mother fucking foils setting up for the mother fucking fight of the century, and oh my god, can you feel it in your bones how exciting it is that it’s not going to be a rick + negan dick measuring contest again? i am So Hype.
and ofc, as a hardcore caryl shipper, i obviously have to throw in that alpha and beta are totally in love (which is esp fun, bc whisperers aren’t supposed to feel love, uh oh, vulcan violation, yes i made another star trek reference, bite me), and if they are paralleling caryl, well...extrapolate from the evidence.
i love kang, you guys. i love how she tells a story. i love that she knows how to tell a story. this show is good again, and idk how she did it, but damnit, she did.
thus endeth my pointless critical analysis. forgive me. i was an english major and have absolutely no other use for my degree.
i’m ashamed too.
that’s all. tomorrow is the early release of the caryl episode, i mean the new episode. looking forward to dying a valiant death with the lot of you. until then, friends.
deuces,
-diz
addendum: i was editing this, and was trying to think if there’s a parallel to the bracelet scene, and the only thing i could think of that alpha gives beta is his mask. she encourages him to take the face of his brother(?), and that keeps him grounded, which is interesting, bc my prediction for the bracelet is that it’s going to end up being a grounding device for carol when she’s dissociating. i don’t have a solid conclusion drawn there, but i thought i’d mention it before posting, just to plant the seed.
k, done 4 real, bye
#alpha/beta#do they have a ship name?#bc i'm worried it's gonna get tagged in that weird kink stuff#gdi#whatever#moving on#caryl#carol peletier#daryl dixon#twd s10 spoilers#twd#dunlap tp
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The White Vault Season Three Roundup
Posting this as the tenth and final episode of the season is now in public release!
So I listened to the early release of the season finale on Saturday, screamed a lot, and immediately sat down and re-listened to the whole season. The following post is being put behind a read more for both length and season-wide (finale included) spoilers and includes discussion and theorizing for season four, which Travis confirmed is the penultimate season. (IS IT OCTOBER YET.) Please DO NOT READ until you listen to the finale!
First and foremost, I was originally a little concerned that season three would end up hitting all of the same story beats as the first two seasons without anything new, particularly on the matter of the mystery: lots of puzzle pieces that still don't quite fit together. Arguably we still don't have any clear answers...but we have a lot more pieces that I think we're seeing the overall shape. There is definitely some sort of centuries-and-continents-spanning conspiracy, one dedicated to keeping the shadow monster(s) and totem monsters fed, or appeased, or something, along with the people and civilization that revolves around these creatures. We don't know the why, we don't know the how, but I am personally surprisingly at ease with not having anything answered at this point--honestly I am having an incredible amount of fun speculating in my own mind and reading other fans' takes on tumblr and reddit. Travis and Katie confirming we have a fourth and fifth season to finish telling the story gives me a lot of confidence, particularly since season four is going to take a vastly different tack than the first three seasons.
The Documentarian confirms in the opening of episode one that she had come into possession of the information she presents to whom we knew as of episode five to be Graham "Fuck You I Have A Shotgun" Casner just a few days ago. Episode ten confirms that the events of season three literally occurred within the last few weeks and Dr. Zhou "Fuck You I Have A Frying Pan" Liu, Dr. Josepha Guerrero, and Simon "Fuck You I Am Getting Off This Mountain If I Have To Tobogan Down It" Hall may still be alive up in the caves. I am practically frothing at the mouth with excitement because this really raises the stakes for next season, and while I'm more than certain the entire cast isn't making it out alive...enough might. And in this situation: the dangers are known by both the rescue party and the scientists; and the scientists are the kind who might be able to begin putting our puzzle pieces together, along with whatever the Documentarian acquires elsewhere.
I want to give an especial shoutout to Peter Lewis as Graham Casner. I remember when I first listened to The White Vault, I was a bit uncertain about his voicework: he has a very deliberate, almost stilted-sounding delivery as Graham. His performance really clicked for me when we got the segue ways of him narrating Russian journal entries into an English translation: his Russian, to my ear, sounds very smooth with no hesitation. My thought is, English isn't Graham's first language, and his measured way of speaking is how he ensures he organizes his thoughts properly to be understood. And just--his performance this season was SO GOOD. Especially in the finale, he sounded so raw and angry and just a little bit broken over the discovery that the body Dr. Liu and Dr. Guerrero found truly wasn't Dr. Ureta (I thought, in episode nine, that they're comment of "that's not Dr. Ureta" was more a metaphoric "that's not her anymore" based on what they knew of Simon's experience so far), but Rosa. Like. Holy shit. 10/10 Peter Lewis, godDAMN.
(Aside: props to all the voice actors this season. We really heard them come into their stride as the season progressed, but special props to: Danilo Battistini as Lucas, who showcased Lucas’s descent into (religious fervor inspired?) madness; Eric Nelsen as Simon, who got saddled with a lot of the technical archaeological talk and made it sound natural (really evident when you listen to the bloopers); and Diane Casanova as Eva, who did a fantastic job showing her dealing with the stress of the situation while still remaining snarky and defiant.)
And now to Rosa--who was, unquestionably, my favorite member of the Fristed expedition, so I was, in fact, yelling like a mad thing while my heart went icy and broken when the body was identified as hers. So, I remember reading in a post-episode speculation thread on reddit earlier in the season that maybe the tunnels between Svalbard and Patagonia were connected and this was the same shadow monster as the Fristed team encountered. I thought this was particularly far-fetched bullshit, but, uh apparently not? Good job, fellow speculator! You called it! Perhaps they're not physically connected (that stretches my suspension of disbelief beyond the breaking point, considering Svalbard and Patagonia are on literal opposite ends of the planet), but maybe it's a space-time distortion, and the deep caves between Svalbard and Patagonia (and Heilongjiang Province in northeastern China, and wherever else this strange civilization has pockets of activity) are linked via supernatural means. And a space-time distortion would explain why to Graham, it didn't seem too much time had passed for him in the tunnels before he found a way out, even though it was weeks if not months before he was located.
(Brief side note: definitely the Svalbard totem monster that got him, that strange walrus-like entity with the super-elongated phalanges. Also features in Artifact. That totem monster scares me and scares me deeply.)
So does this mean the shadow monster at Fristed and Piedra are the same, able to travel between locations depending on which ones have people near them? (SPOILER FOR ARTIFACT: it's implied there's more than one and they can "travel" via the totem animal artifacts END SPOILER) Does this mean we might see "Jonas" again? Oooooh, two shadow monsters, das bad, das really bad.
(Another brief side note, since I didn't do an episode nine roundup: the dark part of my mind that loves the creepy horror elements of this podcast was overjoyed at being slam-dunked right into the fucked-up-edness of the return of the still-beating heart and teeth in a stone box. Just. Good shit, lots of nightmares, jumping at shadows that night, S U P E R B.
...Wait, Rosa's is the first body actually found, even though we know the shadow monster killed her. Karina's, Walter's, and Carito's bodies never showed up, and we know their hearts and teeth ended up in the stone boxes. Does that mean Rosa's didn't? Is there specific significance to this?)
The sites do seem to be very different: China was a mountain village, most of the village open air with their private ritual rooms carved into the mountainside; Svalbard's might be under a glacier, and is an entire underground village, with its ritual sites buried beneath it; and Patagonia is less a proper village and more a winding system of living quarters and open public/ritual spaces. Svalbard is also currently the only one (that we know of, we have no information about the interior of the China site) using teeth to pave its stairs so, uh, take that as you will.
Teeth appear a lot. I have a thing about teeth, and yet The White Vault doesn't ping it? It's rather strange.
RAIMY. RAIMY YOU GO GET YOUR MAN. PROUD OF YOU, PLEASE DON'T DIE. (Honestly, though, I get the feeling if the shadow monster breathes anywhere in the general vicinity of Raimy, Simon will go batshit and beat the thing to death himself. He is injured but he is pissed.)
I continue to have low expectations about Eva's survival. That she got off the mountain is a surprise--stalked by the shadow monster, perhaps hoping she lures more people to the caves?--and that her 'infection' (excuse me as I continue to have flashbacks to Jane Prentiss in TMA Season One and cry uncontrollably because oh my gooooooooood) hasn't, y'know, gotten properly ugly yet. But goddamn I love her spirit, I love that she's so determined to get the rest of the team out. I WANT her to survive, but all the clues are pointing at REALLY BAD SHIT happening to her.
I remain deeply curious about whether or not Dr. Ureta’s previous trip to the Patagonia site is what primed her to be the first victim of the Piedra team. This might very well be something we don’t ever receive a proper answer to--sometimes some mysteries remain so, after all--but I do find it telling that we have very little of her personal thoughts, unlike the other members of the team (aside, of course, from Lucas).
Dr. Guerrero remains the loose end for me: Simon and Dr. Liu have both shown an utter lack of fucks to give about not letting this monster have them, but Dr. Guerrero was so tunnel-visioned on the science of the find that we notes and thoughts we have her don’t give us a conclusive enough picture about what to expect going forward. But we might end up surprised.
I’m very interested to see what Maheer and Dragana bring to the table: Maheer is obviously the Documentarian’s man because of a very nice paycheck, and Graham’s grumbling about Dragana’s prodding for details has me on alert mostly because Graham is my guy and he deserves a fucking nap and a vacation for all the shit he’s had to deal with.
The White Vault: Iluka is coming up this month on Patreon; I’m willing to bet this is what the Documentarian is preoccupied with while Graham and the rescue team head into the mountains. I’m really curious to see whether or not this might have anything to do with the events of the short Acquisition? I feel we’re due for that to come into play...
There is just. So much. So damn much.
IS IT OCTOBER YEEEEEEET.
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i wasn’t originally going to post this since i’ve seen several other (perfectly valid) mob psycho timelines out there but you all wanted to see it so here it is!
this does not include pre-canon or the reigen spin off. the first b/c i didn’t really care lol and the second b/c i haven’t read the spin off for reasons i’m sure you already know.
almost every single one of these dates is based on canon evidence (see notes below) but a few are speculation. i go into depth under the cut so if you want to know, say, exactly what day mob buys the monkey shirt you can find out. if you want to see a specific panel hmu!
feel free to use as reference when writing fanfics or meta or whatever else you might want to use it for :D just please don’t repost
Spring of Youth Arc
it’s not super important how many days pass in ep 1 but i think it’s all within a week. might be some overlap with ep 2 (tunnel exorcism on same day takenaka quits club? according to the manga it happens later anyway)
going by anime here: takenaka quits the club monday or tuesday, tome asks mob to join the club wednesday if i remember right (also the day he goes to the girl’s high school) and he joins the body improvement club friday)
(LOL) Cult Arc
not much to say. it’s literally an afternoon and the teru arc starts the very next day
Teruki Hanazawa Arc
happens basically immediately after the cult. like mob knows dimple for like 3 days before he’s “exorcised”
fight on a friday bc it’s on weekend news
aftermath: mob in pink hoodie probably on saturday, mezato interrogates him monday
Big Cleanup Arc
shigeo mentions in the divine tree arc that student council meetings are on mondays. however only having weekly meetings would make this arc take a really long time so i’m guessing it’s semiweekly. i’m guessing the other day is thursday because ritsu says he has a meeting on the thursday that mob confesses
same monday as end of teru arc: student council meeting where ritsu suggests a big cleanup, mitsuura gives ritsu his card
thursday: big cleanup plan submitted, mezato and onigawara look for mob (for totally different reasons), ritsu in the street w/ tokugawa
next monday: student council plans to get rid of onigawara
awakening lab might be on the same day as above but i’m not sure, mob also goes on a “date” with tome that day and sees koyama for the first time. that night is when shinji’s family gets after him for not being perfect and he decides to go apeshit
i’m guessing the recorder scandal happens the next morning (wednesday?). it doesn’t actually say if ritsu awakens that exact day but i’m just going to say it does
a little bit of time goes by (about a week?) ritsu’s becoming popular and he develops his psychic power. teru vs ritsu happens somewhere here. people are complaining about the big clean up
the day that ritsu and kamuro confront onigawara in the body improvement club room is the same day that ritsu first attacks the delinquents from the other schools (monday)
im guessing a day goes by before kamuro is beaten up (tuesday), then another day before he’s beaten up again (wednesday)
kamuro is absent from the student council meeting the next thursday
ritsu only has his powers for 9 days before announcing that he’s obtained loss
7th Division Arc
one month before touichirou arrives in japan. this makes sense because it’s not like the day he arrives he’s going to attack. touichirou probably arrives in late september or early october, prepares things for a couple weeks
mob goes to shinji’s house on sunday, ritsu and mob talk on the swings monday, shinji apologizes to onigawara tuesday. the kageyama parents know about ritsu’s power by tuesday night (what was that conversation like)
Mob’s Girlfriend Mini-Arc
2 weeks long: one for the elections and one for the dating
sidenote: psycho helmet cult has gained 700 followers by now and it’s been about a month according to mezato (and the timeline!)
mob works the monday after his brother’s kidnapped jeez reigen give the kid a break
going to say it’s wednesday when shinji resigns
mezato talks to mob about running on thursday
one week later: elections! (going to say they’re on a friday). emi asks him out that afternoon
mob and emi “date” for a week. im guessing she “breaks up” with him friday and he fixes her torn up story on monday since there’s enough time for everyone to react. i think the anime has all that happen on the same day though. either way is good
Urban Legend Arc
reigen complains about four days without customers
kuchisake-onna: it’s the weekend b/c mob’s wearing a sweater instead of his uniform and also b/c i doubt mob skipped school
reigen makes his website overnight and mob’s wearing his uniform the next day which means the trip to the urban legend town has to be on sunday
the first trip to the ghost house is on a sunday (what a busy day!), and the second trip is on monday
Keiji Mogami Arc
literally the day after the ghost house wtf (so… tuesday?)
if it feels like 6 months for mob would that mean he’s almost a third year in the dream world? or already is a third year? oh no…
uh technically there’s an aftermath the next day but really the arc is one day
Separate Ways Arc
kumagawa’s birthday is in late september btw. idk if there’s any kumagawa stans out there but now you know he’s a libra
kijibayashi’s birthday: 10/5? (also the day mob finally cant take reigen’s bs anymore)
mob doesn’t show up to work for at least four days pre-birthday (probably five days since kijibayashi’s birthday needs to be on a school day)
reigen’s birthday: 10/10 (also i’m assuming this is either the day of or the day after he defeats the video game thing)
he has to have enough time to offer classes and become a local celebrity… i’d assume he offers that course at his office that friday night (10/12). he’s interviewed that day too. a few days later he goes on tv (i’m going to say 10/15)
goes to bar 3 days after the tv show (wednesday 10/17)
thursday 10/18: reporterless-day
friday 10/19: press conference, “my master… he is a good person” *sobs*)
World Domination Arc
mob has 10 days to prepare for the marathon
marathon on friday (11/2)
teru fights shimazaki for the first time saturday morning, mob doesn’t wake up until sometime in the afternoon, and rei-gun is in the evening
mob sleeps like 18 hours… oof
the kageyama parents return home monday evening
Yokai Hunter Mini-Arc
this isn’t listed as seperate from the Divine Tree Arc according to the wiki but i’m calling it a mini-arc because the broccoli isn’t really the focus
mob mentions the future prospects assignment is due in a week
seri starts working at spirits and such a few days after the wd arc ends
going to guess there’s some overlap with the future prospects assignment and that it’s due sometime during culture festival preparations because otherwise the timeline breaks
okay everyone i know culture festivals are usually on or around november 3rd but according to all canon evidence there is absolutely no way that can happen on time. there’s literally no time. it has to take place at least 2 weeks after the wd arc
going to say the culture festival is nov. 18 because that’s all that makes sense (the previous weekend is too soon, and the next weekend is after the divine tree arc
Divine Tree Arc
Friday: Tsubomi sneezes — why dont u stop doing bad things
Saturday: buys The Shirt
Sunday: Psycho Helmet
Monday: Teru, Ritsu, and Reigen all brainwashed, Mob vs Dimple part 2
Telepathy Mini-Arc
finally a nice long break :D
find out about takenaka about one month after Divine Tree Arc
aliens on New Year’s Eve/Day
inukawa’s abducted by aliens for 10 days
???% Arc
inukawa has to be back by the time school starts
Mob finds out Tsubomi’s leaving the day he gets back from winter break (monday) :(
i think he calls her two days later?
the day after that mob is hit by a fucking car (also student council day so… thursday)
Epilogue + Omakes
we all know the epilogue is on 10/10/2013
the summer omake has to be after the ???% arc but i’m not sure what day. probably july
idk what else to say other than i can’t believe i spent so much time on this
#this took a really long time wow#i wrote this before ep 13 so anime things might be a little different#telepathic signals#mp100#mp100 manga spoilers#ask to tag
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Try, Try Again (pt. 6)
Good news! I’m finally done being murdered by schoolwork and can actually post stuff again! I’ve got a few good ideas for other stuff, but in the meanwhile, here’s some more fanfic :p
Chapter 6 (4537 words)
The first rays of sunlight trickled over the horizon, streaking the sky with the same orange glow as the desert sands below. Disturbed by the light, Rex sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Commotion had already begun in the street below, and he could see more than a few early birds up and about their morning errands.
With a deep yawn, Rex stretched, arching his arms above himself and working out the stiffness left in his spine from having slept on the hard floor. As he did, he felt the tell-tale buzz of Emmet’s cell phone vibrating in his pocket. Curious, he pulled the device out, inspecting the bright screen.
hey emmet, a new text notification read. b@man moved the meeting to his place
again
we can still head over together tho
meet u @ larry’s?
Rex grimaced as he thumbed through the messages. If he was the sort of guy that felt regrets, he would definitely regret having told Lucy yesterday that we would meet up with her this morning. But, obviously, he had no such regrets. If any cowardly portion of his mind was shying away from the idea of seeing her and the others again, of being treated like some goody-two-shoes again, then Rex would just have to ignore that part until it shut up and went away.
Unfortunately, it was starting to look like that part of himself wasn’t planning on shutting up anytime soon.
Pulling his knees up to his chest, Rex rested his chin on top of them and tried to reason with himself. Meeting with Lucy was a strategic decision; it was as important to his disguise as the construction worker outfit and the yellow paint on his face. If he truly wanted to keep up his facade, that meant continuing to be Lucy’s Special Best Friend.
Of course, Rex thought, scowling to himself. I might not have to pretend forever.
Once Emmet was done with his training, once he was Rex as well, the odds were high that he’d see Lucy and the others the same way Rex currently did. Therefore, if Rex were to break things off with Lucy, it would likely benefit himself in the long run.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
A tinny, beeping noise emanated from Rex’s pocket, shaking him out of his thoughts. He reached for his cell phone again, only to realize that the device was still resting inertly in his palm. Tucking the phone back into his pocket, he pulled out the sleek black radio that he had taken from the Rexcelsior. The device continued to beep and blink at him, indicating an incoming call.
“Emmet?” Rex asked hesitantly, as he pressed the button on the side of the device.
“Rex!” Emmet’s voice came through the speaker clearly. “You’re there! How are you?”
“Uh,” Rex paused, casting a look down towards the people meandering in the streets below. “I’m super awesome, little buddy. How are you holding up?”
“I’m awesome too! I’ve been doing a lot of push ups, though. Snake says they’re the toughest form of exercise.”
“Yeah,” Rex chuckled. “That sounds like her. Have you all started your mission then?”
“Yep!” Emmet squealed loudly enough to elicit a sharp shriek of feedback from the radio. “The mission is going really well! I was all like, ‘Oh my gosh, why did I think I could do this? We’re all going to die out here!’. But then, we totally didn’t!”
Rex smiled, listening to Emmet regale him with the entire story of his adventure - sound effects included. He tried to pay attention, but couldn’t help but get distracted by the small part of himself was was quietly thrilled at how far Emmet had already come.
He had been hesitant to send Emmet through the glastroid field so early in the training process, especially considering Rex’s personal history with the area, but he had faith in Emmet and his raptors.
Clearly, his faith had paid off.
Clearly, the plan was working.
Rex had let himself get distracted. His goal wasn’t to have a good time in Apocalypseburg. It was to keep an eye on Lucy and make sure that neither she nor anyone else interfered with Emmet’s training. He had let his emotions run wild and, if he continued to do so, then he would never be able to complete his half of the plan. He would fail to protect the one person he cared about.
Emmet was still chattering in his ear, but Rex had long stopped listening. He just had to stay focused on playing his part. If he didn’t - if Lucy and the others undid all of Emmet’s training as soon as he got back, like had happened before when Lucy found them in Undar - then Rex would have to start all over, again.
Yesterday had proven that this was going to be an uphill battle, but Rex had been in situations far, far more hopeless before. He was prepared to tough it out.
“Rex?” Emmet’s inquisitive tone grabbed Rex’s attention.
“Uh,” Rex’s brow furrowed as he tried in vain to recall what Emmet had just been saying. “What is it, buddy?”
“I have to go now. We’re having a mission briefing, and they need their captain.” Emmet couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of that title applying to him.
“Alright kid, keep up the good work.” Rex held the radio in his hand, listening to it spit static for a moment before falling silent as he finally released the side-button. Slipping the device back into his pocket, he pushed himself to his feet and started pacing.
He had to do something to show everyone that he meant business, but what?
His hair was still messy from last night, which was a good start. With a practiced motion, Rex brushed the disheveled mess into his signature hair style.
Next, he clutched at the fabric of his shirt sleeve. Ripping them off would look pretty tough, as they were currently hiding his sick muscles from an unsuspecting world, but would such a drastic change strike the others as particularly un-Emmet-like? Uncertain, Rex settled for sloppily rolling the sleeves halfway up his arms.
Satisfied, he took off down the statue, heading into the city. It had been years since he had walked to Larry’s coffee shop, and yet his feet carried him there as easily as if he’d gone only yesterday.
As he entered, Larry turned and met him with an achingly familiar derisive scowl. As Rex scanned the crowd, the other patrons all shot equally scornful stares in his direction. Unperturbed by their reactions, Rex found himself with a more pressing concern.
Lucy wasn’t here.
With a frown, he pulled out his phone to double-check the messages she had sent. As the screen blinked to life, Rex suddenly realized his mistake.
He was late.
He was really, really late.
He had been so distracted during Emmet’s call earlier, he had completely lost track of time. Lucy must have left already. The meeting with their Master Builder friends had likely already started as well.
Rex hissed a word under his breath - one which cannot in good conscious be included in a PG story - and bolted back out the door.
*******************
Approximately ten minutes later, Rex hauled himself up the stairs in front of the former Wayne Manor and, with a grunt of exertion, rapped on the front door with the intricate and incredibly heavy, bat-shaped knocker. A moment past before Batman’s butler swung the door open.
“Master Emmet,” he said with a slight bow. “Please follow me to the drawing room.”
With a nod, Rex stepped through the doorway and proceeded to follow Alfred through the maze-like halls of the cavernous mansion. As they approached a particularly tall, stately looking door, the sounds of muffled voices grew louder and louder.
“Through here sir,” Alfred gestured towards the door before turning neatly on his heel and walking off in the direction they had come from.
Rex watched him leave. Once the butler was out of sight, he turned back to the door, pressing an ear against the cold wood and listening intently to the conversation on the other side.
“I don’t understand why you all voted against the giant steel dome.” Batman’s characteristic deep growl was difficult to make out. “It’s clearly the best and coolest option.”
“Batman,” Lucy responded, her voice strained with exasperation. “I am not going to explain again why blocking out the sun is a bad idea.”
“Sunlight is overrated.”
They’re arguing over how to prevent another alien attack, Rex thought, chuckling to himself. No one in that room had any idea how very relevant those concerns would become before the week was out.
“Maybe we should go over the blockade idea again.” Benny interjected.
“Yar, I be agreeing most with that sentiment.” Metalbeard’s loud voice was unmistakable. “Blockading yon Stairgate is quite clearly a better idea than anything this be-caped fool has suggested.”
Rex grimaced. Space was awful big, but if they started poking around the Stairgate then Emmet and the Rexcelsior could be in trouble. He needed to convince them to drop the idea, but as things currently stood, they would likely ignore whatever suggestions he made. However, if he could just show them how tough he was, then they’d have to take his advice. Determined, he pushed the door open.
“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Rex stepped into the room, watching as everyone’s heads swiveled at the the sound of his voice.
“Emmet!” Lucy exclaimed. “I, uh, I thought maybe you just weren’t coming today.”
“Nah,” Rex waved a hand dismissively. “I wouldn’t miss something as important as this.” With a grin and a cocky laugh, he pulled out a chair and flopped into the seat. “After all,” he continued smugly. “You guys clearly need my help.”
The other figures around the table exchanged confused glances.
“Right,” Batman huffed. “We heard you’re tough now, or whatever.” He was seated at the end of the long table, opposite from Rex and directly underneath a large oil painting of himself, whose expression of disbelief perfectly matched his own. At the sound of his voice, Rex bristled involuntarily.
“Well,” Rex forced himself to continue smiling cheerfully. “I’m certainly getting there!”
“Emmet,” Lucy, seated to his left, interrupted. “Are you wearing your hair differently?”
“Oh,” Rex reached up towards his hair absentmindedly. “Yeah, I thought it looked tougher this way.”
“That it does, matey.” Metalbeard piped up. Benny, sitting beside him, nodded in agreement.
“I like it,” Lucy added. “It kind of suits you.”
Rex’s grin softened into something genuine.
“Uhhh…” Batman tilted back in his chair until he was almost parallel with the floor. “Newsflash, but changing your hair doesn’t automatically make you tough, bro.”
“Yeah,” Lucy laughed nervously. “Of- of course it doesn’t… Um, for a totally unrelated reason, I have to leave right now.” Hastily, she stood up, pushing herself away from the table and exiting the room in the direction of the bathroom.
Rex watched her leave, his expression growing taut. “That’s not the only thing that’s changed, you know.”.
“No, yeah, totally,” Batman responded facetiously. “I did notice the whole… sleeve thing you’ve got going on, and that’s just super tough.” He paused briefly. “Also, you can’t tell, but I’m totally rolling my eyes right now.”
Rex felt his fists clench at his sides. Deliberately, he forced himself to take deep breaths.
“Maybe someday,” Batman continued, “you might even be tough enough to patrol the wasteland all on your own. Of course, maybe not, considering that I’m the only one currently tough enough to do that.”
Rex laughed, a burst of manic energy erupting from him. “Well, maybe someday!”
“Well,” Batman scowled, “maybe not.”
“But maybe!”
“But maybe not.”
“I am very uncomfortable with the atmosphere we’ve created in this room.” Benny said, mostly to himself, as no one happened to be listening to him.
Beside him, Metalbeard scoffed. With a cacophony of metallic squeaks and squeals, he maneuvered his prosthetic body such that it leaned over the table conspiratorially.
“I dunno why the two of ye be bothering to argue about toughness,” he mused, “when neither of ye be tough enough to seek out Lord Business’s lost treasure vault.”
Rex gaped at him. “Lost treasure vault?”
“Of course!” Metalbeard clambered onto the table, posing dramatically in the center. “When me crew and I first infiltrated that landlubber’s treacherous office tower, we stumbled across a vast chamber housing his most powerful relics - mysterious and terrible things, the lot ‘em.”
“His relic room?” Rex frowned. “But, we've been there before.”
“We found but one room of many,” Metalbeard insisted. “The powerful relics, the dangerous relics, be kept much, much deeper in yon tower.”
“Rumor has it,” he continued, “that some poor fool tried to find this vault, claiming that the relics belonged in a museum, only to instead find himself flattened by none other than the dreaded Orb of Tee-ti-lus!”
Benny gasped. “That’s horrible!”
“Aye,” Metalbeard assented. “That’s why I'll be sure to avoid his careless mistakes once I get me body working again and can seek out this treasure on me own.”
Batman said something about that, but Rex didn't hear it over the sound of gears turning inside his head. If he could find Lord Business’s vault, break in, and steal a relic, then these idiots would have no choice but acknowledge how tough he truly was.
“I can do it,” he said to no one is particular, before pushing out his chair and briskly walking out of the room.
“Uh,” Metalbeard watched him leave, his mouth agape.
“Well, that's… not good.” Batman stared at the closing door.
“Let's get Lucy?” Benny asked.
Batman nodded. “Let's get Lucy.”
*******************
“I can't believe you guys would just let him run off like that!” Lucy, sat in the passenger seat of another of Batman's cars, twisted herself to glare backwards towards the other passengers, who for the most part, had the decently to look properly chastised. As they sped across across the rough terrain, the vehicle jostled violently underneath them, forcing Lucy to hold tight to her armrests in order to maintain her position and fierce scowl.
“Has he not undergone a be-toughening, though?” Metalbeard asked from where he'd been crammed into the backseat. “Is he not tougher now?”
“He's a little tougher, but…” Her scowl softened, revealing a fraction of the worry she really felt. “Come on guys, this is still Emmet we're talking about. Do you really think one day is going to make much of a difference if five years didn't?”
“I hope he's okay.” Benny mumbled, squashed somewhere underneath Metalbeard.
“You guys worry too much,” Batman interjected. “We're all, like, superheros. Obvis, we'll save him.”
He reached over towards the dashboard, cranking up the music in order to drown out the others’ voices. If any of them noticed how his own grip on the steering wheel was deathly tight or how concern was etched into the brow of his cowl, they didn't mention it.
Outside of the car, the wasteland rushed by. Recognizing their need for speed, the group had elected to take the Bat Racer - the fastest custom vehicle in Batman's arsenal. The twin rocket engines on the back were howling furiously, propelling them nearly fast enough to turn the sand to glass underneath them.
In the distance, surrounded by the remnants of other fractured buildings, the imposing silhouette of Octan Tower grew steadily closer. Despite having been ravaged by aliens for years, it was still the tallest building in what remained of Bricksburg. As such, it was not particularly hard to find.
Upon arriving at the base of the tower and clamoring out of the car, Lucy and the others surveyed the area around the building, searching for any signs of Emmet.
“Emmet!” Lucy shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Emmet, are you out here?” She paced nervously in front of the main entrance, worry gnawing at her gut.
“Avast!” Metalbeard exclaimed from around the corner of the building. At the sound of his voice, Lucy ran over to see him gesturing toward the twisted remains of some kind of motorcycle.
“Is that Emmet’s?” Benny asked, floating closer towards the wreck.
“Yar, most likely,” Metalbeard nodded. “The engine still be hot.”
Lucy felt dizzy. “But if this is here, then where is Emmet?”
“Look,” Batman said, pointing towards the building. “There are tire tracks on the windows.”
“You be thinking he done rode up vertically?” Metalbeard asked, stroking his chin thoughtfully with a metallic claw.
Tracing the tracks upwards, they could see a freshly broken away section of the building - a gaping hole in the glass with fragments of debris still flaking off and falling away.
“Okay,” Lucy said, breaking the tense silence. “Odds are that Emmet went in there. How can we-”
“On it,” Batman interrupted, lunging towards the Racer. With a trained Master Builder hand, he quickly stripped the vehicle apart, reassembling it into a sleek plane. “All aboard,” he barked, leaping into the cockpit. The other three followed him in, and with a tremendous roar the jet took off, streaking up the side of the skyscraper.
Elegantly, Batman piloted the jet through the hole in the side of the building, landing it in a clear enough spot for everyone to disembark.
Climbing out of the plane, they took a moment to look around. The room they were in was an utter disaster zone. Fragments of debris, miscellaneous office supplies, and the occasional robotic limb were littered around the room. A number of desks had been tipped over, and now laid on their side, surrounded by broken chunks of computer monitors and piles of official looking paperwork. In one corner, a beaten-up copier sat by itself, intermittently spitting out blank papers.
Lucy moved away from the plane, shards of glass and wall crunching under her feet as she maneuvered around the larger pieces of debris. On her left, the room opened up into a narrow hallway. Above the entrance, a laminated sign read “Super-Ultra Top Secret Relics This Way”. Hanging slightly below it, a second sign read “Enter at Your Own Risk”.
Peering into the corridor, Lucy’s view was illuminated by the subtle red glow of laser grids. Beyond them, she could just barely see the rotating head of a sentry turret. Beyond that, there was only darkness and deeply concerning noises.
Unsettled, she turned away from the hallway, shifting her focus towards another worrisome aspect of the room - a giant hole that had been blasted out of the neighboring wall.
“Jeez,” Lucy breathed, stepping closer. “What could have caused that?”
On cue, Rex appeared in the mouth of the hole, holding some kind of large gray tube in his hands.
“Huh,” he looked at the others in surprise before smiling cheerfully. “Uh, hey guys. What’s up?”
“Emmet!” Lucy cried out as she ran up to him. She stopped just short of embracing him to cast a quizzical glance towards the object he held in his arms. “Uh…” She gestured vaguely towards the tube. “What exactly is that?”
“It be a powerful relic,” Metalbeard exclaimed in astonishment, striding towards Rex in order to examine the object more thoroughly.
“Really?” Benny floated closer as well. “But, uh, what actually is it?”
“Unless I be mistaken,” Metalbeard said reverently. “This be the Tape-estry of Ducks!”
Rex frowned. “That’s a stupid name. It doesn’t even have any ducks on it.”
“Me thinks it be a metaphor.” Metalbeard shrugged. “Regardless, legend says that anything ye stick onto its surface will remain stuck for all eternity!”
Lucy gasped. “Emmet! Are you sure you should you be holding that?”
“Relax Lucy,” Rex laughed. “I’ve got it covered.” Holding the tape up, he explained. “Only one side was sticky, so I just rolled it up a little. That way I only have to touch the safe side.”
“Ooh…” Benny nodded appreciably. “That’s super clever, Emmet.”
“Yeah, that’s cool or whatever,” Batman muttered. “Totally what I would have done, you know.”
“Wow Emmet,” Lucy pressed a hand to her temple, shaking her head in amazement. “You actually pulled it off. I’m…” She looked up at him, an apologetic smile playing on her lips. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”
Rex shrugged, struggling to keep his expression cavalier. “It, uh, it wasn't that big of a deal.”
"Not a big deal!?” Metalbeard exclaimed. “Mayhaps you hit your head, matey.” Plucking the relic from Rex’s hands, he carefully turned it over in his hands to admire it. “Any pirate worth their salt knows that whenever ye be laying your hands on some treasure, it be cause for a celebratory shindig!”
“Yeah!” Benny reached over, clapping Rex on the shoulder. “We haven’t had a party in ages, maybe it’ll be fun!”
Rex smiled as his friends started chattering away, eagerly planning a party. The expression sat easily on his face. This kind of reaction was much closer to what he’d been expecting. It almost felt nice, just being with his friends again.
*******************
Rex was loath to admit it, but the party turned out pretty cool. The music was intense and loud, the floor was already sticky with spilled drinks, and the whole place stank of sweat and body spray. It wasn't necessarily a fun party, but it was definitely a cool one.
Given the number of people attending, they'd been forced to use the Bat Fortress, as it was the largest available space in Apocalypseburg. However, considering Batman's infatuation with high-end speakers, as well as his recent installation of a snazzy new lighting rig, the fortress was actually a top notch choice for a party venue.
Despite its enormity however, the place still managed to feel claustrophobic. Swarms of people, crushingly close to each other, moved across the dance floor in seemingly random patterns.
In the center of the giant room, raised on a makeshift pedestal, was the relic. The Tape-estry was still rolled up for safety, a wise decision considering that a number of fights had already broken out on the dance floor.
Above all the ruckus, smaller groups sat on the suspended catwalks, talking amongst themselves and generally seeming above it all. Among them sat Lucy, another passive observer of the chaos below.
Batman, the self-appointed DJ, put on another song. It was something loud and angry sounding, comprised of shouted vocals and industrial noise. It wasn't one that Rex had heard before, but he found himself enjoying it as he started making his way over to where Lucy was perched.
As he pushed through the crowd, people kept slapping him on the back, congratulating him and shouting banal phrases about how they'd always known he had it in him, or whatever. That bitter sense of resentment still simmered in his gut, but Rex couldn't deny that, at the same time, something like pride was slowly joining it. He'd finally gotten everyone to see him, see how tough he could be, see the person he was underneath Emmet's saccharine schtick.
There was one person that needed to see the new Emmet more than anyone else, one person that could undo all his hard work if she didn't. Lucy's opinion of Emmet could make or break Rex's entire plan.
It was for that reason, and that reason only, that Rex clambered up to her place on the catwalk.
"Pretty rad party, right?" He shouted as he approached.
"Yeah," Lucy turned at the sound of his voice. "It's uh, it's great, Emmet. Listen, I, uh..."
Her voice trailed off. Rex sat down beside her, watching her expression shift and grow thoughtful.
"I just..." Lucy scooted closer to him, pulling Rex into her arms. "I'm really glad that you're safe."
Stupefied, Rex wrapped his arms around her in return, pressing his palms against her jacket's velvety back.
"I'm proud of you." Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it didn't need to be any louder. Rex felt the words more than he heard them. He clutched at her like a drowning man, squeezing her tight against himself. The strains of discordant music faded into the background. He couldn't think of anything; for a moment, everything was just soft and warm and perfect.
Lucy patted him on the back, and instinctively he let go. It had been a sort of signal that the two had developed when it became clear that Emmet liked hugs a lot more than Lucy did. It wasn't to say that she didn't enjoy them, just that Emmet tended to hug longer than she was comfortable with.
Rex leaned back, out of her space. She was still smiling up at him, and distantly, Rex could feel a dopey grin mirrored on his own face.
She reached out to take his hand, slipping her fingers in between his own.
"I love you, Emmet."
"I love you t-"
Rex cut himself off with a sharp inhale, the sudden breath causing him to cough profusely.
"I just- I need a drink." Quickly, before she could protest, Rex shoved himself off the platform, dropping into the crowd below.
He didn't run to the drink table, electing instead to turn and race out a side door, out into the chill
evening. The brisk air felt nice, as his skin suddenly seemed entirely too hot and clammy. From behind him, he could hear Lucy's voice asking the other partygoers if they'd seen where he'd gone.
Rex snorted. Of course she was looking for him. Now that he was tough, she and the others actually wanted him around.
This was proof that Rex was doing the right thing. It was proof that Emmet had to change so that his friends wouldn't abandon him.
It was proof that Rex should have just listened when his friends had tried to toughen him up all those years ago.
It was proof that if he had just been tough, then they wouldn't have left him there.
Rex slumped down against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest. He hadn't listened back then. He'd chosen to cling to childish naivety, chosen to do things the hard way. A cold but familiar voice in the back of his head whispered how, in the end, it had really been his own fault that he'd spent so long in Undar.
This was his own mistake to fix. But, it was at least a mistake that he knew how to fix. In less than a week now, he would finally be successful. When Emmet returned, toughened up and accepted by his friends, the mistakes of the past would disappear.
He would never admit it, but Rex was afraid of not existing. It was an uncomfortable idea to consider. Of course, as he routinely reminded himself, it wasn't like dying. He- Rex would still exist, just with a different backstory, a different set of memories.
In the end, that's what he wanted. After all, the only way for him to move on, to get over Undar, was to make sure that it never happened in the first place. Losing those memories would fix him. It would fix everything. It had to.
Until then, he just had to stick to the plan.
#lego movie 2#tlm2#rex dangervest#emmet brickowski#lucy tlm#wyldstyle#tbh I probably could have broken this into two chapters#but ITS DONE#so IM POSTING IT
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THE SIMSELF TAG featuring yours truly and her wonderful assistant, antoinette
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? mia and thats all ur getting out of me
2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? oh god we have some embarrassing ones but jordan and jords are nicknames of mine and u might be able to guess the other obvious ones dgjhfdj
3. BIRTHDAY? february 25th babey
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? OH uhh princess diaries by meg cabot probably
5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? not to sure about those funky alien dudes but ehh yeah i believe in ghosts
6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? i’d say michael morpurgo but that’s probably because his books were shoved down my throat at an early age DKJDFGJ if you can have a favourite poet i can answer this: atticus and lang leav
7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? radio one probably!!
8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? the purple one. like, starburst? purple. wine gum? purple
9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? being the millenial i am probably Uh...li...litty
10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? OH Hm i’d say ocean eyes by billie eilish
11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Hm!
12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? copycat by billie eilish!!
13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? LIE TO ME IS THE UNDER APPRECIATED SERIES OF THE CENTURY
14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? oh uhh i don’t watch films a lot and especially not if i’m feeling?? sad
15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? never heard of them
16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? OH jesus lets say. being forgotten or making no difference in the world
17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? oh Jesus not a lot of these GJFDH over the past mm month or so i’d say i’ve grown a lot as a person in the fact that i have more respect for myself than i used to, and if i have an opinion on something i evaluate it and decide Do People Really Need To Know? (DPRNTK)
18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? EASY my weird. defense mechanism thing. i’ve gotten a bit better in my opinion but the reason i’m usually in so much trouble is because as soon as i’m attacked, i act with anger? its some weird defensive wall that i put up and regret later because i’m not really thinking like a rational person. i just see that i’m being attacked and my first thought is to fight back
19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? OH cats because i haven’t had one in ages. one of our cats was run over and the other was taken by our neighbours and now he doesn’t even remember us or respond to his name so thats really fun
20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? SUMMER because my skin turns olive in the summer and right now. a bitch is pale! also school is so much nicer in the summer... the whole yeargroup feels like much more of a community because we all sit together outside n it’s just overall very fun and makes me nostalgic of year 7
21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? bitch u really thought-
22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? still in it but. because of a lot of things i was forced to grow up very fast. something i miss is having everyone in the house (my siblings are both a lot older than me so they’re never around) and not having to worry about fitting into certain stereotypes or WASHING MY HAIR!!!!!
23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? oh god ok so i have a “best friend” but we don’t. agree on a lot of things and she takes everything i say 100% seriously so even though we’re not close i’d consider this group of boys from my school my best friends. and online ofc i have Many Many good friends which i would name but i dont wanna leave anyone out bc i talk to A Lot of people DGHDFJ
24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue blue blue
25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? blonde babey
26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my brother
27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? would say myself but sometimes i’m not even sure i can trust HER
28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? i think about people loads because im a lonely romantic so. i’d say Love Interest and i think about myself a whole lot too like who does this bitch think she is
29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? all the time i’m looking forward to things bc. not a whole lot happens in my life so if Love Interest looks at me a certain way i’ll look forward to going to school for the next couple weeks FDJGHFDJ
30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? i think of the future way too much. she’s a dreamer
31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? oh god uhhh i used to cry at in the night garden all the time when it ended bc i hated that iggle piggle sailed away on his boat DJHFD it was probably still my favourite though
32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? i had a best friend who moved away after year seven and i feel like i could but. who knows we haven’t seen each other for years
33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? sigh i think so like does it count if my tarot deck says not to do something because. i trust those tarot bitches with all my soul if i have one
34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? don’t like the dark, i have a fear of holes, can’t sleep without the door open, can’t sleep when i can see in a mirror (fun fact theres a mirror in my room but it’s on a shelf which i can barely see at night like. i can see a glimpse. but knowing it’s there freaks me out so its flipped and has something covering it)
35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? oh ummmm in front i guess because 1. i look horrible in photos other people have taken of me 2. technically being in front of it. you can still take selfies and 3. the people i know take pictures from really weird angles
36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? we love a bit of vidya games but i love reading poetry because i’m a whore and also i like singing but that doesn’t mean im good at it!
37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? UHHH god i really dont read uhh probably lullabies by lang leav
38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? romeo and juliet (the blessed one featuring young leo dicaprio)
39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i can play the guitar, the recorder, a bit of the piano
40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? GIRAFFES it’s really sad that they’re now endangered. if ur talkin domestic pets i love guinea pigs, cats and (i’ve never had them but rats
41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? don’t. this’ll turn into a follow forever and i won’t get any clout bc it’s in such a long post !
42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? OH hm. i thought as hard as my tiny brain could about this and i think teleportation would be interesting but if we can choose ANY superpower. is magic one? that’d b pretty wack
43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? when i’m walking to school at half 7 in the morning and no one’s there and i can hear the trees lining the field rustling in the wind in the distance. it was rainng this morning and even though my whole ass was exposed from the wind and i was soaking it was really peaceful. also there’s a red kite that’s resident to our school field and i love to stand there in the morning and watch it sometimes
44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? feeling included DGJHDJ doesn’t happen a whole lot
45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i play a lot of sports because i’m in school obviously but i’m really good at rugby bc a bitch is Tactical and Nimble. i love hockey and badminton and stuff though
46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? i LOVE smoothies and milkshakes and everything ugh. i’d be bold enough to say i love drinks more than i love food. like apple juice orange juice MIXED juice smoothies BROWN BAG MILKSHAKES! BITCH! THE STRAWBERRY ONE IS SO GOOD UGH
47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? oh jesus um. 4 years ago
48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? fuck yeah brother
49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? UGH A LOT OF THINGS like. people biting their nails. people tapping their foot on my chair. people not listening when you’re explaining something THEY needed help with. tapping a pen on a desk or clicking it on and off
50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? nop
51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? my mother is a vegetarian so i eat a lot of vegetarian meals. sometimes i get really put off meat but like. a bitch is 13 and doesn’t pay for her own meals so she doesn’t really get a say in what she eats
52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? always wanted to entertain people and be nationally recognised. take that as u will
53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? TOO MANY let’s go... the arcana so i can marry the 1 (one) love of my life dr julian ilyushka devorak... chill in the hanged man’s realm...
54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? i don’t worry about a lot not gonna lie to u
55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? cheers i’ll drink to that broe
56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? if the screeching sound i make to a slight tune counts as singing then. yes
57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not illegally but i’ve had days off sick where i wasn’t sick bc i couldn’t be asked
58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? alone
59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? somewhere safe
60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yeah i have a dog and a cat but as i said m cat got taken by my neighbours and doesn’t even remember us so sjfhdjg
61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? night owl but if i’m rested well enough i love being up early
62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsets
63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? no a bitch is 13
64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? probably headphones bc i can’t lose them and the sound quality is better but i’m not a MONSTER so earphones. also headphones automatically make old people scoff at u and hate u more
65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nah
66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? whatever’s poetic enough to be On Brand
67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? don’t really have one
68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? no
69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? the holier than thou attitude Often showcased on simblr by some. familiar faces
70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? it doesn’t really make a difference
71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? computer science (mainly for the people because right now we’re just making fucking. powerpoints) or english bc of the people again
72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? yee a brother and a sister
73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? christmas presents and some perfume & a purse for me
74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′4
75. CAN YOU COOK? not well
76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? attention DFJHGSDJ uhh being kind to people who deserve it and hard work paying off
77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? patronization, people who believe their opinion is the only opinion and people who cause minor inconveniences for you for no reason
78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? more female probably but i prefer guys
79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? i say bisexual but no one’s ever been close enough to let me find out
80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? party in the UK
81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? kyla rosymiel
82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? UHHH i really can’t remember i know me and kyla were talking about something and i started crying JGFHDGJ
83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? oh god umm probably smii7y but i also really like all his friends like. kryoz etc
84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? when i look good FJDHSJD
85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? would say tumblr but she’s gone ! right now i’m really feeling zepeto bc It May Be Tracking Me but it lets me take pics with all my online friends and i have some sort of weird following on there SDFHSDJ
86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? i don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully confide in them, i really like my dad but there’s elements of him that don’t really float my boat. same with my mum but i’m less close with her
87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? probably australian or. is it swiss? might be swiss.
88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? france and ofc america
89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 4
90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? with like 2 things skdghsd
91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? not really but i believe in a higher power of some sort and a life after death. i believe there’s something out there that is listening but i prefer to think it’s the stars
92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? i find the ocean really ineresting but man will always romanticise space
93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? im a 13 year old white girl how ruthless can i be
94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? sesame seeds
95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nop but everyone else in my family can
96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nope
97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? whenever i realise
98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest
99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission
100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? i lie all the time but i am. SO terrible ASJDFHJ i would love to lie less but it’s so easy to slip into one
101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? gryffindor
102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? hell yea brother
103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? kyla put ambivert so i looked that up and. yeah
104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? did when i was younger but i guess tumblr is somewhat of a personal diary
105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends
106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? turn it in most likely
107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? “yes, but you should never forget about their past” thanks kyla
108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? only monsters aren’t
109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? nope
110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? i have my ears pierced. WILD i know
111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? UGH FUCK DR JULIAN ILYUSHKA DEVORAK!! it’d be illegal for him to marry anyone but me though
112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yep! i have a tattoo on my back. i plan on getting a lot more tattoos in the future, but i don’t want anymore in the near future
113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? being outspoken and not. watching things pass by
114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? of course
115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? nopee
116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? oof i really don’t know because of what’s happened to me i don’t know if i could knowing i could never protect them from everything. idk pregnancy seems very nice but once the kid gets annoying thats It for me
117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? “i think everyone is smart in their own way” thanks kyla
118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? i started laughing once in drama and i pissed myself a lil and i was like ehh thats fine i do that all the time and then i didnt stop pissing and someone was like ‘whats that wet on the floor? they were like mia have u pissed urslef i was like nOSDJF so i had to ask the teacher to leave. u coiuld see the piss down my leg
119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? have u SEEN these bags. she’s seen hell
120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? like varying tones of beige and then grey/black
121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? of course
122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? oh uhhh i feel like maybe when i was younger but i’ve. repressed that memory if i have it
123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 13 years young
124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? oh jesus something poetic and by atticus probably let’s see
after spending more time searching for a quote than i did on literally this whole tag, i decided on this. and then i realised. it will always be ‘YOU ARE A SAD BOY’
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