Detective Conan + Tumblr text posts

Are these funny, am I funny yet (I blame @cookies-super-secret-blog for that last one. Alternate versions of some of these under the cut.)

wild one pt two | stranger things ; g.emerson

tag list babes || req rules + fandoms/characters || got a req or a ? || masterlist

CHAPTERS ; 

one can be found by clicking. masterlist of other ST things can be found here.

AUTHORS NOTES;

Okay so look.. We're not talking about how I went veering into badgirl!popular/cheerleader territory with reader. We're not, lmao. I'm also still not ignoring my thousand other wips, I swear. This just came to me and I thought what the hell, why not. So, here we are.

You guys literally made my morning, you have no idea. All the comments / reblogs + reblogs with tags / the likes, you name it. I really didn't think about anything outside of getting this idea out of my head and you guys blew me away, ughhhh. I love you all so fucking much and you truly don't know what your interactions with my bullshit mean to me, I can't even begin to express it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

SUMMARY;

-- cheerleaders and drummers don't mix. Or do they?

aka, you're a cheerleader. not your typical one, but the fact remains. he's a drummer, one of the freaks. and yet somehow, you keep circling back to each other. how's this gonna go, I wonder?

PAIRING;

Gareth Emerson x Cheerleader/Popular!Bad Girl reader.

{ beyond clothing descriptions and the knowledge that reader has female organs + the personality stuff I can't stop adding in, reader is mostly a blank slate. have fun with it. }

WARNINGS;

jason carver + his friends existing, body image / self esteem issues, angst, swearing, bullying / teenagers being shitheads within their own circle of friends, a bra is mentioned, holy shit reader and Gare are awkward angsty little stubborn shits and i live for it, for this chapter, that's it.

TAGLIST;

The only people on my taglist for Stranger Things currently are listed below. If you’d like to be and you aren’t, please go add yourself via the link at the very top of the post.

@ALLELITESMUT

@AURUMBELIS

@ARIES-ARCADE

@COLE22ANN

@HCLOANGCLS

@HEYAITSKLAUDIA

@ICEQUEEN1371

@KRYS-ORION

@LETSBEDRAGONSTOGETHER

@MUSICHEALSSCARS

@scoobiessnacks

@secretsicanthideanymore

@SUITS-AND-SMIRKS

OTHER STUFF;

Okay, first of all, this is just another slice of life type thing.. and also, look.. loook.. so my undying need to give Billy growth of some kind won out here. I mention that Susan threw Neil out. And I'm going off that to further say that maybe Billy stuck around a while, graduated and then got the hell out of town. BUT.. before he did, he kind of had time and space away from Neil's influence to realize that maybe he was becoming his father and he didn't want to be. He's still gonna seem to be an asshole, but just.. slightly less / more accepting of people. Since the Upside Down / Vecna and the other stuff that traumatizes every single one of these poor kids doesn't exist in most of my writings, Starcourt still exists, Jim and Joyce took the fam to California to celebrate their wedding or something and are back and naturally, nobody will be dying in this. JSYK more importantly, Gareth and Jeff have been aged to 18 so that the gang will all graduate together. Nobody is underage (except the actual kiddos but this is more about Gareth/reader with a side of Max) so we're all good.

“What are we even doing here?” Gareth grumbles as the four of them make their way over from where they’d parked in front of the diner to the park where the Fourth of July carnival was in full swing. The deafening sound of Motley Crue nearby and screeching brakes had the four friends sharing a look and glancing in the general direction of the sound.

You’re swearing up a storm and pulling at the handle on your door but the damn thing is stuck again. Emma’s already gotten out and she’s using the mirror on the passenger side to primp as Max and Lucas attempt to help you unstick your door. “I keep telling her Lucas, this car is literally Christine. Remember last week when it just quit and we all had to walk in the rain?”

“Hey, maybe if you try to wiggle the handle when you pull…” Lucas suggests. You try but it’s not budging.

“Jesus christ, just go out the window, trouble! Patrick is waiting!” Emma’s impatient, practically bouncing on her feet and ready to get her date started. You glance over at her and laugh. “Oh my godddd, go then, Em! Don’t keep your guy waiting or whatever cos this car is a demon straight from the pits of hell tonight!” you’re waving her off.

Eddie chuckles and rubs his chin. “That car’s possessed.” he muses.

Grant snickers quietly, “Her temper kind of reminds me of someone else’s…” and as he says this, his eyes fix on Gareth.

“Wasn’t she walking away from it while flipping it the bird that day it rained last week?” Jeff chuckles and shakes his head. Eddie laughs and nods. “Mhm.”

Inside the car, Max is torn between laughter and concern. “Okay, look. The windows are down. Just climb out. Before you break your hand.” she grimaces as you hit the door one more time and try to yank the handle a little more. "Stupid fucking piece of shit, oh my god, c'mon!" you grumble in frustration as you pinch the bridge of your nose and blow at falling hair “I’m gonna push this motherfucker over the quarry, I swear to God. It’s coming, ugh. C’mon you piece of shit! Open!” you proclaim, pulling harder on the handle, beyond agitated now. 

Emma’s gone ahead already and the second you see Andy glancing your way, you groan inwardly. Not today, Satan.” you grumble as you hoist yourself up and climb out the window of the car. Lucas does the same over on the passenger side, pulling Max out after he’s steady.

And just like clockwork, Andy’s clearing his throat when you finish giving your hair a tousle and checking your pockets to make sure you have everything you need so you don’t have to walk back over from the carnival. 

“Hey.” Andy’s eyes roam over you slowly. Almost lingering long enough to be lewd when they settle on your tits and it’s to a point where you clear your throat while rolling your eyes just to get him looking up at your actual face. Everything about the way he’s looking at you makes you really uncomfortable, but true to form, Andy doesn’t seem to pick up on it. If he does, he doesn’t care because like the rest of the jocks at Hawkins High, he’s used to getting exactly what he wants.

“Bye.” you retort, biting your lip. “As you can see, ape,the  problem is solved. There’s uh, nothing to see here, no sense in hanging around.” you’re trying to get rid of him but he  doesn’t seem willing to get the hint. Thank God for Max and Lucas, because they wander over and clear their throats. You use their appearance to your advantage and hurry away. “Gotta go, uh.. We’re going to the midway or something.” and you grab hold of your stepsister’s elbow, the two of you hauling ass away in such a hurry that the three of you wind up colliding with the four members of Corroded Coffin. More to the point, you wind up colliding with Gareth and the two of you topple over. You raise up, straddling his hips and you can feel yourself turning red and hot all over. Gareth realizes that his hands are on your hips and flustered, he moves them off real quick. 

“Uh..” your hand catches in your hair as you extract yourself from his body reluctantly, “Sorry.”

Gareth looks like he’s glaring at you and all you can think is that this is just awesome, just great. Now you can add nearly crushing the poor guy with your body right to the bottom of the list under covering him in cake flavored vomit back in seventh grade.

Jeff clears his throat and gives Gareth a look to clue him into the fact that his facial expression is maybe not the best choice for the current situation and Gareth wants to die right then and there because he realizes that he’s scowling at you. You hold out a hand to Gareth to attempt pulling him up and he honestly wants to grab hold of your hand but that stubborn need to not look like a little bitch and pull himself up off the ground wins out and he pulls himself up and as soon as he realizes what he’s done -and what you possibly think now because of it, he wants to punch himself in the face for it.

You linger for a second or two. “You’re uh… I didn’t hurt you, right?” you ask quietly, swallowing hard as you look him over in concern. Trying not to focus too hard on his eyes and how angry he looks or how embarrassed you are, or how up close, his lips look even more tempting somehow.

But you’re assuming that you’ve blown it all over again and given that your father and stepmother live in a trailer park, the option to buy a deserted island and live out your dying days is not available to you. ,, Guess it’s back to avoiding him at all costs.” the thought comes and it makes you frown just slightly. Sadly. You plaster on a weak smile as soon as you feel it form though, and you take a deep breath to pull yourself together. “Sorry. I’m.. Gonna go now. Yeah..” you hurry away before he even manages to get one single word out.

And as you disappear into the crowd on the midway with Lucas and Max flanking either side of you, Gareth turns and immediately kicks the nearest garbage bin to him as he swears out loud about the whole mess that just turned into.

Eddie would’ve laughed, but he could look at his best friend and just tell that Gareth was torn up real bad about the way that all just transpired, so when Jeff is about to open his mouth, he nudges him and shakes his head no quietly. Jeff nods in agreement and Grant leans in, whispering to the two of them, “He really shook her up. That’s the first time I’ve seen her actually get flustered since at least 6th grade.”

“Yeah, he won’t believe that, buddy. Still thinks the whole reason she vomited all over him that one night was because she wound up getting sent to the closet with him on the spin.” Jeff explains calmly. Eddie snickers quietly, “Y’know how he is, man.”

“Yeah, and sometimes, it doesn’t do him any favors.” Jeff responds with Grant nodding in agreement. “Agreed.”

You’re standing in line for the Gravitron when you spot Gareth walking past, your neighbor Eddie and their other two friends Grant and Jeff in tow. You quickly face the front and you bump against Max as you do it. She snickers quietly. “Are you okay? You were really flustered back there.”

“Oh, I’m fine. It’s fine, everything is fine. I was just born to a father too fuckin poor to buy me a private island to go die on, that’s all.” you laugh, gazing at the ride as it spins while twisting some messy strands of hair around your finger. “Guess it’s back to avoid at all costs.”

Max laughs and shrugs. “Or.. you could just ya know… Play the whole thing off.”

Lucas chuckles quietly. “He wasn’t mad. Gareth’s just got an angry face sometimes. He doesn’t even realize when he’s doing it.”

“Oh trust me. He looked mad. If he wasn’t, he was probably annoyed because my fat ass was probably crushing him or something.”

Lucas almost tells you that he’s at least fifty percent sure that’s not the case, but he knows how stubborn you are by now. So instead, when he catches sight of Will,Mike and Eleven, with Dustin in tow, he waves them over.

“Guys, this is ____.”

“Call her trouble though. Everybody else does.” Max smiles at her friends, “She’s my new stepsister.”

You smile at the group of teenagers and laugh. “I don’t bite.”

Will gives you a weak smile and nods. “Hey.”

Mike’s gaping at Max. “Isn’t she a cheerleader?” he questions, wary and tense as he gazes over at you when you’ve turned your attention back to the ride you’re all in line for. “Why isn’t she with her friends right now?” he’s only asking because he’s worried, because he’s not even an official freshman yet and already, the taunts and the teasing and the bullshit from the jocks have started towards him, his best friends Will and Dustin and his girlfriend Eleven.

Max rolls her eyes at Mike. “Would you relax? She hates them. I mean, except for Emma. Maybe that girl Chrissy Cunningham.”

“Hey. I’m Dustin Henderson.” Dustin smiles at you and you smile back. “I think I babysat you a few years ago, kid.” Dustin laughs and nods. “Wait, yeah. I remember now. The blanket fort.” and you grin, giving him a thumbs up.

Eleven smiles at you. “It’s nice to meet you. Max talked about you a lot when she called or wrote this summer.” 

You smile back at the other girl and nod. “She talked about you nonstop. How was California? I bet it was fun, right?”

“It wasn’t too bad. I think Jim was ready to get back here, he said he’d gotten enough sand in places it shouldn’t be for the rest of his life.” Eleven laughs and you smile at her, nodding. “Yeah, my dad took me to this big race day or something when I was little. Kinda hated the beach because of all the sand.” you shrug.

The line inches forward and you find yourself getting pulled into the conversation happening between Max and her friends.

And then you spot Caroline and some of the other cheerleaders wandering down the midway. “Fucking hell. It’s too early in the night for them. C’mon ground, open up a portal? I’ll even take one to hell right now…” you rub the bridge of your nose. Luckily, Max has just enough friends that with all of them standing around you, Caroline and the two other girls flanking her walk right past without even noticing you.

“If you hate them so much, why not just quit?” Mike’s gazing at you, curious.

“Because quitting means they win, kid. Quitting proves that they’re all right about me and I am trash. I’m too petty.” you explain, giving a shrug. 

The ride’s ready to board and you step on. Seeing one or two others do it, you get curious. 

“Don’t think about it.” Max hisses.

“Oh come on!” you grin as you do a handstand and press yourself back against the wall, “Gravity will hold me up.”

“Okay, well.. When you puke everywhere, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Max gives a mild shrug as she and Lucas take the two spots next to you.

Across the ride, Eleven mouths to Max, “Is she crazy?” and all Max can do is shrug because sometimes, she does wonder.

The ride comes to an end and you stumble off and right into Emma, who is cozied up to Patrick and carrying the biggest stuffed panther you’ve ever seen before. You pout a little, but you smile at Patrick. “Hurt her and I’m coming for your knees, dude.”

Patrick chuckles. And spotting Lucas as he exits the ride, he grins and makes his way over. “Worked on that jumpshot yet, kid?”

Lucas nods.

Max nudges you and nods to the cotton candy stand across the midway, laughing when you freeze because Gareth and his friends are sitting at a picnic table eating nachos. “I feel like cotton candy. C’mon.”

“Oh no. Nope. Not a chance. I’ll give you the money and let you go, though.”

Max grabs hold of your arm and she’s practically dragging you towards the vendor. You’re laughing but also as you pass the table Gareth is sitting at, you’re painfully aware that he’s sitting there.

And despite trying your best not to, you glance back because you hear him laugh about something and it catches your attention.

“Ya know, it’s not that hard to just make the first move. I did with Lucas.”

You laugh but the laughter dies away the second you realize she’s being serious. You shake your head. “Oh no. Nope. Absolutely not. Every single time I try to even breathe near the guy, I go and fuck up, do something stupid.”

Max laughs quietly. “Y’know… when my mom met your dad I was scared. Because Neil and Billy, they..” she rubs her forehead and you nod because you know where she’s going. “Yeah. I know.” you mumble quietly. “How was he when you talked to him last time?” you ask quietly.

“Happy to be back in California. Relieved to be away from Neil too. He’s happier, it’s like he’s a total different person. He said he thought about coming to visit around Thanksgiving and he actually talked to my mom for two hours.” Max admits, managing a weak smile. “Maybe Mom throwing Neil out gave him the courage to do it too.”

“Maybe it did.” you answer, smiling. 

Max speaks up after a quick glance around reveals that Gareth was staring right at you and turned away only after he realizes that she’d caught him doing it. “Ooh.” Max laughs as she leans into you a little, “he was looking at you.”

You laugh and shake your head. “Nice try, Max. It’s not happening.” you sigh a little, glancing back but so quick you could’ve easily given yourself whiplash when you turn your head to look back at the stall you stand in front of instead. “Nope. I honestly think he hates me. I mean, to be fair, I can’t blame the guy. First I barf on him then I go and try to crush him.”

Max raises a brow. “You? Crush him? You realize he’s brawnier and a little taller than you, right? I doubt you crushed him.”

You shrug. Because all you ever hear from the coach of your squad and Caroline is that you’re too thick, you need to cut back. This and that and if you were even slightly less confident in your body like some girls your age, you’re pretty sure it would live in your head rent free. And sometimes, on a bad day, it does. But you try not to let it get to you.

Caroline spots you and she gives you a disappointed look because of where you happen to be standing when she wanders up to you. “I thought you were cutting out sugar?” she nods to the cotton candy stand.

“I never said I would… Mother.” you roll your eyes and take a big bite of the cotton candy as soon as the vendor inside the stall hands it to you. Caroline’s eyes settle on your Motley Crue t-shirt and your cut offs and the black motorcycle boots and she wrinkles her nose. “We have got to take you shopping at Starcourt soon. Can’t have you roaming the hallway like some grungy little whore when school starts back again.”

Max tenses and glares up at the older girl. Every part of her wants to say something but she  doesn’t because she knows you well enough to know that you won’t hesitate to handle it.

You’re doing the same and you smirk. “Ya know… Maybe I prefer the grungy whore look. Maybe that’s just me.”

Caroline snorts in annoyance. Steps closer and smirks. “You do realize if you weren’t so flexible and so good at most of the stunts, you’d have already been off the team, right? You’re an image problem. Your skills and Chrissy, bless her sweet heart.. They’re the only things holding you at the top.”

“Oh really now.” you purr, stepping closer, smirking as you laugh softly. “Sweetheart.. What the hell makes you think I give a shit to start with, hm? The only reason I haven’t quit is Em and Chris. I promised them I wouldn’t quit way back in 9th grade. Sides,” you laugh and twirl hair around your finger as you glare at her calmly, “I like making the rest of you miserable bitches squirm.”

“Are you ready to go, Max?” you ask your stepsister as you shove past Caroline and you do it hard enough she stumbles back a little and you storm away.

Max is laughing and the two of you high-five as you stop within earshot of the table that Gareth and his friends happen to be sitting at. “I swear to God, Max..One day she’s gonna catch me in the wrong mood and I’m going to strangle her bare-handed.” you’re fuming a little as you glare at Caroline’s turned back. Max nods. “Her sister is just as bad. Maybe worse. She was trying to pick on Eleven at the roller rink last year.”

“Yeah, let her try that shit, any of them, truth be told. Let any of them try that shit when you guys are around me. They can honestly all go fuck themselves.” you grumble and take a few deep breaths as you toss the empty paper roll that held your cotton candy into the garbage. “C’mon. Let’s go back over. See what everyone else is doing, huh?”

Max nods and the two of you walk away.

Gareth glares at Caroline Owens turned back. Rolling his eyes. “Miserable bitch. She’s on somebody’s case about anything when her nose looks like an actual bird beak?” he’s ranting, he’s irritated by it and he’s not bothering to hide it. Eddie snickers and Jeff nudges Eddie. “I told you he still liked her, man.”

Gareth glares at the two of them. “I don’t. It’s just fucking stupid.”

“Mhm. And what was that two minute rant just now, Emerson?” Grant questions as he finishes off the nachos he’d gotten himself.

Gareth shrugs, goes quiet. “Nothing. It just pisses me the fuck off.”

“Mhm, right.” Jeff teases, but it’s gentler. Because he’s still remembering their talk out in Gareth’s garage earlier that afternoon. The one where he admitted that maybe he still liked her but then he immediately went on to list off every single reason why that wasn’t a good idea. And Jeff knows that right now, there’s a lot going on in his best friend’s head.

You make your way down the midway with Max and her friends because they’ve decided to tag along with her and Lucas and as soon as you spot Andy and Jason, you grumble. You give Chrissy a sweet smile and wave. And as the three of them wander over, you grumble under your breath even more about Andy and Jason.

It’s Lucas’ idea to just get in line for the bumper cars since that line is the shortest. So you all get in line for it and somehow, this doesn’t deter Andy or Jason from wandering over.

“Given any thought to what I suggested this afternoon?” Jason’s flashing that megawatt grin. Chrissy mouths an apology to you and speaks up quietly. “If she doesn’t like Andy, she doesn’t like him, Jason…”

“Sweetheart, I’m just trying to help my buddy. Andy really likes her.”

“But she doesn’t like him. Kind of feels like you’re forcing things.”

“I’m not, princess.” Jason says it so smoothly. You watch Chrissy swallow hard, swallow down whatever she was about to say with just the slightest hint of fear and worry in her eyes. You gaze at her a second or two, concerned.

You nudge Max. “If a guy ever treats you like that asshole treats her, run. He’s so controlling. She wanted to come stay last weekend, right? He tells her mother exactly where I live and that Wes has been to jail for an assault charge from an old bar fight and naturally, she couldn’t.”

Max glares at Jason. “Doesn’t surprise me. Not at all.” she mumbles, mostly to herself. She can’t stand him because she can see right through him. So could Billy. That’s why before he left for California last year, he warned Lucas about him. After apologizing for the way he’d treated him, which came as a huge shock to her when he’d done it.  She’s almost praying her former step brother comes to visit for the holidays because she’d love to see Billy get his hands on Jason. 

Andy’s eyeing you up. You shrink back just a little. Roll your eyes. “My eyes are up here, dirtbag.” you grumble calmly, Andy not even bothering to hide the fact that he was staring at your tits yet again. He chuckles. “I know, darlin. I just can’t–” you shake your head and smirk. “If I were you, I wouldn’t finish that sentence, pig. The answer is still no. Until the day you see Satan himself passing out Icees in hell, that’s gonna be the answer. I mean this, Andy,” you twirl some hair around your finger as you tilt your head to look up at the taller boy, “If you and I were the last hope at repopulating Earth, I’d fling myself right off the face of it. You’re a disgusting perverted asshole.”

“So bitchy.” Andy shakes his head. “You’ll be sorry you said that, darlin.”

You scoff at his warning. “Yeah, no. No I won’t, actually. If you came over here to try and guilt me into double dating, the answer is no. Get Em and Patrick to do it. I’m here with my family, okay? That’s more important, asshole.” 

Max smiles just the slightest when you’re not looking to see it.

“And as her stepsister, I don’t want you around me. Got it?” Max speaks up, calm and quiet. Andy scoffs at her, rolling his eyes, “Oh yeah? Well what if your opinion doesn't count, kid?”

“Counts one hell of a lot more than anything you have to say, Andy. You can go now. Buh-bye.” you give him a dismissive little wave.

“You guys stay away from him and his friends, alright? Jason’s going to poison them all and they’re nothing but bullies.” you say it and Max nods. “You don’t have to tell me twice. It worries me that Lucas is on their team and he’s around it.”

You sigh and nod. Glancing over at her boyfriend as Jason wanders over to chat him up and you’ve seen the way it makes his friends scatter. “If he starts to change, do what’s best for yourself.” you fluff her hair. “C’mon. Let’s go collect your date and go find his actual friends and find somewhere to sit for the fireworks.” 

“Hey, did Mom say if she was coming by after work with Wes?” Max asks. You shrug. “Wes said he wanted to meet us up here, something about watching fireworks with his girls is definitely better than getting wasted like he used to.” you admit, laughing softly. “Your mom’s really turned my big scary biker dad into a huge teddy bear. I kinda love her for that.” you admit, slipping an arm around Max.

You and Max wander over and you clear your throat. “C’mon kid. We need to find a place to sit for the fireworks. Thought you two might want to find your friends and sit with them too.” you smirk calmly at Jason as you say it, arms crossed over your bare midriff.

“We’ll see you at the gym tomorrow, buddy. We’ll work on that jump shot again. You’re gettin real good.” Jason says it so smoothly, with such a charmers grin too. Lucas grins back. “Okay, see you then.”

As you’re walking off, Max elbows him. “Hey! You know tomorrow is Saturday. You know that’s DnD night, Lucas.”

“And I can do both. Relax, baby. I know. I didn’t forget, okay?”

Max glances at you and sighs, shrugging. But she nods and manages a smile.

You find a spot in the grass and sprawl out, rising up when Emma wanders over with Patrick. You laugh and nod to Emma’s leg. “I’m borrowing your girlfriend’s thigh. I need a pillow, the ground’s hard, man.” Patrick snickers and gives you a thumbs up. “Go ahead, you’re good. You were her friend first.”

“Smart answer, buddy. Real smart answer.” you grin at him. You lean in to Emma and mumble quietly, “Caroline started her bitching earlier.”

“You too, huh? You should’ve heard Patrick when she came at me for eating that deep friend jalapeno. He told her to mind her own damn business, basically.”

You glance from Patrick to Emma and you giggle quietly. “So how’s it feel to live the dream, hm?”

“You could too, y’know.” Emma glances at you and then off into the crowd a little closer to the front and you glance in the direction to find Gareth and his three best friends sitting or sprawled out on the grass and for just a minute, you catch yourself attempting to imagine it before quickly shoving the thought out of his head as you tear your eyes off and look back up at her. 

You snort in laughter. “Right, Em. Look, we both know that’s not gonna happen. Besides,” you settle to lay your head in her lap, “Pretty sure if he didn’t hate me for barfing on him back then, he hates me for nearly crushing him tonight.”

Emma scoffs. “Bitch, where? Where are you saying you crushed him, huh? Because he’s not a beanpole for one and two, he’s actually taller.. Sturdier than you.” 

You flip her off and shrug. “I hit him pretty damn hard though, that’s where. I’m not saying it about me, I’m saying it because I pretty much football tackled the poor guy…. It was when we were trying to escape fuckin Andy that first time.”

“Still! I doubt he hates you for an accidental crash, woman, jesus christ.” Emma argues.

“Woman, I’m telling you. He was glaring at me. Full on glaring.” you insist.

Emma laughs and shakes her head. Apparently, you haven’t realized that it’s just Gareth’s default facial expression most of the time and in no way does it indicate that he’s angry. Unless he’s yelling, in someone’s face about to shove or just calmly glaring with his fists clenched.

As Mayor Kline gives his long-winded speech about the importance of the holiday, you lounge on the ground, staring up at the stars. Nearby, you can hear Max and her friends talking back and forth and laughing. When you spot your father and Susan making their way in, you wave and nod to the spot in the grass between Max and her friends and you with yours. 

Patrick clears his throat. “Either of you want anything? I’m gonna get a snowcone.”

“Please, babe?” Emma asks.

“Cherry coke. Tell ‘em not to skimp on the cherries, please?” you call out.

– ( after the carnival)

The knock on the door of the Munson trailer had the four best friends sharing a look. Eddie palms his face. “I fucking forgot to get my clothes out of Susan’s dryer. Goddamn it.” he grumbles to himself as he puts down his Monopoly piece and puts away his money. “No stealing, shitheads.” he’s calling out over his shoulder as he opens the trailer door.

You instantly regret your decision to just wander over without bothering with the formality of pants and in one of your longer t-shirts when you spot Gareth sitting on the living room floor inside Eddie’s trailer. “Your clothing, dude.” you hold up the taped and overfilled laundry basket. Eddie catches you watching Gareth as Gareth makes himself look at the game board in front of him.

“You can come in and say hi?” Eddie’s taunting remark draws you out of your own head. “Nah man.. Wrestling's on tonight. I was kind of in the middle of watching a real good match with Wes when the dryer went off. I uh..” you shuffle bare feet against the stoop and drag your hands through damp hair, “Better get back over there. Yep. Mhm.” you’re rambling and you want to die, but you do the next best thing instead. You bolt back across the street.

And it’s only when you’re back in the trailer that belongs to your father, Wes and Susan, your stepmom, that you realize somehow, your laundry must’ve gotten mixed in with Eddie’s because you’re trying to find your favorite leopard print bra, the one with the little snakes on it too, and you can’t find it anywhere.

“Just fuckin awesome. First I manage to tackle a guy I’m pretty sure I might have a crush on again and make him hate me, but now, my goofy neighbor Munson knows what one of my bras looks like. Fuck my life.” you groan out dramatically as you fall back against the bed.

And across the road, Eddie’s putting his clothes in his room when he spots it in the pile. He snickers to himself and yes, maybe to fluster Gareth just a little, he slingshots it in Gareth’s direction. “Something for you, buddy.”

“The fuck?” Gareth realizes what it is and his entire body reddens as he shifts the way he sits on the living room floor in front of the Monopoly board. “How the hell’d you get this?”

“Sometimes their shit gets mixed in with ours when I wash clothes.” Eddie shrugs.

Gareth turns the thin garment over in his hands but he’s smart enough to know that his friends are about to start the teasing at any second, so he tosses it back at Eddie. “Idiot.” he grumbles, rolling the dice so that he can take his turn.

Eddie snickers quietly. “Keep it, man.”

“Give it back to her, idiot. Do we really need a reason for those douchebags she’s probably friends with to come looking for us?” Gareth grumbles.

“You realize she kinda hates them, right? Literally Emma and Chrissy are the only people from that crowd she actually likes. Your girl is a loner, Emerson.” Jeff insists but he knows he's talking to a damn brick wall at this rate. Gareth's got his mind made up. And he's definitely wary.

“She’s not my girl.”

“But she could be.” Jeff suggests calmly, glancing across the table at his best friend. Gareth laughs and goes quiet. “Yeah, somehow I doubt that, I mean.. Thanks to my face doing it’s usual thing earlier, she probably thinks I hate her now anyway.”

“I doubt it, man.” Jeff and Grant insist in unison. Eddie just rubs his hand over his face and laughs. “You’re always calling me dramatic, who thinks a girl hates him just because his face does bitchy things on it’s own? Because it’s not me, Emerson. Ya know, the quickest way to clear it up is I dunno, actually talk to her.. Right?”

“Yeah, not happening. You saw her just now when she was at the door with your clothes. She didn’t even look over here. Like at all. It’s not a big deal anyway, school will start soon. She’ll wind up dating one of those assholes. I’ll even bet on it.” Gareth insists.

“Whatever you say, buddy.” Jeff just shrugs.

Another beautiful day in the dwarven fortress Bowloar, another goblin attack repelled. These guys tangle with a kobold thief and some weapon traps before limping away, less one hand between them.

Total fortress kill count is two giants, a kobold and one goblin(’s left hand). Yessir, things are looking up!

 Holy fucking shit.

I mentioned this little lady in the tags of that first giant post, and here she is again. There’s a downside to popularity, to be sure. She’s doubled in age since her last visit.

The werelizard child Usu Ramulabba infiltrated the fortress and just transformed outside our shiny refurbished temple. Our full ten-unit squad of mixed dwarves and humans is training in the barracks downstairs, directly next to the indicated stairwell. One of our glassmakers is a lot closer.

The glassmaker gets attacked and seems to be holding his own. It probably helps that the horrible night-beast attacking him is two years old.

A nearby tanner briefly joins the fray.

A dog valiantly attacks the werelizard child, and gets mauled in return.

The militia have made contact.

The dog dies on top of the temple altar, as the militia dogpiles the werelizard child and start to do some real damage.

The werelizard child is struck down by our courageous militia, its body and severed leg added to the invader corpse stockpile. Most civilians are horrified at the corpse of a human child, but the effect is somewhat ruined by the buggy sprite. I think the leg turned back correctly, though.

Now, the real fun begins. Who got bitten?

After combing the combat report, I find that two out of the three injured dwarves received bites that broke the skin. Nobody was killed in the attack, but these citizens are now incurably cursed, and will turn into werelizards at the next full moon. Presumably non-child ones. As much as it pains me, they’ll have to be exiled as soon as their wounds are treated.

The third patient, a wrestler, was being viciously grappled by the werelizard child right as it died. That must’ve been very humiliating for her, bested at her own game like that. But it’s over now, and she can get some much-deserved rest.

Son of a fucking bitch, man.

So I missed a bite in the combat report. It could happen to anyone.

The chief medical dwarf is in the tavern for this friendly fracas, and has the closest possible call. Literally the only dwarf in the fort with any medical skills.

At least our poor cursed wrestler goes down easily. Transforming in the middle of a packed tavern will do that. I comb over this combat report fucking meticulously. There’s no way I’m gonna miss another one of these fuckers. Sorry, tragically accursed fuckers. Everyone who got bitten gets the boot before they even make it to a hospital bed.

The tomb is filling up pretty quickly, although we’re reticent to bury all those dead visitors for whatever reason. The dead dwarf, Îton, is buried across from the dog that the child lizard killed. Looking in the coffin confirms that reverted werelizards just look like that.

We went ahead and made a statue of Îton, as well. Unfortunately the most notable things they did in life were moving to Bowloar last year and becoming a werelizard, and we are not commemorating that. Now hopefully we can get back to converting that outdoor pasture into a giant pit/drowning trap.

Fucking of course. In my defense, there were about 15 human poets in that room, and the combat report made zero distinction between them. Werelizard #3 doesn’t do anything but unsuccessfully attempt to shove, and is quickly beaten to death by a bunch of civilians including the high priest and a child.

What the hell is up with all our infectees having beast forms so much weaker than that human two-year-old? I guess that’s not really something to complain about.

Just a single casualty this time, who I’ve made damn sure didn’t get cursed. We’ll know how sure ��damn sure” is in a few weeks.

Oh, we’re big enough for nobles now. Suddenly the werebeast problem doesn’t seem so bad.

Self-vent ahead!

I hate being “a creative.”

I’ve been drawing for about thirty years, most of that in fandom, and it’s utterly, hopelessly de-motivating to see that nothing has actually come from all that time. (Is this my mid-life crisis lol?)  No improvement, no following, I couldn’t even make money off my work if I tried (still living off my savings right now, for those that are aware I quit my job during the rona shutdown), no sense of lingering pride or accomplishment when I manage to squash down the loathing enough to finish a piece. I’ve watched my artist friends rightfully gain traction and blossom, while I shrivel.

All those pretty little puff pieces you see about how “work hard to improve!” have absolutely no idea what it’s like to be in the stratum known as complete banal mediocrity. You hit a wall that no amount of “working hard” can overcome: the wall that separates the talented from the hacks.

And squished right against that wall are the mediocre: good but not good enough. Only noticed because maybe they fill some niche until someone better comes along. They throw themselves against that wall in hopes of overcoming it, but never look up to see how high it really is.

A bad artist will always improve. A mediocre one just suffers diminishing returns.

My best friend, with good intentions, got me a very nice Cintiq for Christmas. He spent a lot of money he really shouldn’t have. He’s a “creative” too, so he understood some of what I was going through, and thought this would cheer me up, give me a boost. Thought maybe it was my outdated tools (over a decade old) was holding me back.

I accepted it because he was very proud of his grand gesture, but I wish he didn’t. I feel obligated to use it, to draw, to be continually disappointed, to continue to disappoint others. And on the rare occasion I do something I am pleased with the final product of, I hate it so, so very much the next day, and the masses agree, as the reception is silent.

Being an artist inherently has a streak of exhibitionism: what you draw is a reflection of your thoughts and perception of the subject matter, and when you post it publicly, you are asking for validation of that image.  Being able to appeal to a broad spectrum of people is a talent on its own: any popular meme or illustration becomes that way because people go, “yes, I can relate!” in some fashion. Empathy is incredibly important in any creative work.

But when the reception is silent, it’s hard to tell where it is you failed: the subject matter? the appeal? the skill level? everything? Do I fail at connecting with people despite being able to do it very well IRL? Is my art style just that unattractive? Is it my skill level, flat and uninspiring?

I know what I hate about my work (everything), but I don’t know what causes others to recoil from it, except to maybe give a pitying glance over but not enough to go ‘yes, I can relate!” and share it with others. So I can only assume it’s for the same reasons why I hate it: everything.

Perhaps my loathing for my art comes through in the image, which in turn elicits a similar reaction in others. I feel ‘this is ugly’ and others pick up on that and react in kind.  There’s something to be said about how people can pick up on your body language and confidence in face-to-face conversation; perhaps this is the same with art. But what about the work I do that I’m proud of, which gets even less reception?

During the initial drawing process, I do very much love art. I do like the act of ‘creating.’ I’m happiest during this point; I like brainstorming or daydreaming, doodling and laughing at my own bad jokes. But the longer I stay with a piece of work, the more critically I look at it, and the more ashamed I am of wasting my time with something that no one can love, not even me. There’s a lot of work I just never finished; there’s a lot of work I just flat out deleted from existence. I’ve been trying not to do this; try to at least post something, finish something, acknowledge that even flawed things have merit, but holy hell, it gets so depressing seeing these malformed things out there in the wild, even if no one else sees them.

When I was first starting out, I didn’t have these sort of thoughts, eagerly, lovingly drawing, proud of every single doodle, sharing them with anyone that would cast a glance my way.  When you’re fresh and naive, you don’t realize how personal art is until you get rejected enough to start to become self-aware of your own flaws: like how children can be so unabashedly carefree while adults are acutely self-conscious.

Lately, I hate admitting I draw. I don’t like sharing my art freely. Even the brief moment I got validated—being a winner in some contest for some game—I immediately wished I could take that image away so people wouldn’t see it cause I threw it together to get the participation prize.  “This isn’t representative of what I can do!”  ... but maybe it is.  After all, it won, where others I labored over haven’t.

Social media definitely hasn’t helped in this day and age, where you’re aggressively bombarded with how well you succeeded or failed.  I shut down my Twitter for this reason; it was absolutely soul-crushing to see anything I do die in the ether, because I wasn’t good enough. All these followers, but no response?   It’s better just to hide them under the bed, than look at your own failures.

So now I spend a lot of time going “why bother” when it comes to creative endeavors as I try to come to some final acceptance of my own mediocrity.

Why bother?

The images are prettier in my head.  They don’t need to be realized because I can’t convey them in a worthy manner that people would want to see. If after nearly 3 decades, I haven’t been able to surmount that wall, I need to accept that this is the end of the road.

Why bother indeed? There are many more talented, able artists to provide beautiful works.  I want to freely consume them without thinking about where I failed.  I can only look at art in areas I don’t draw in; it’s the only way I don’t immediately want to break my own hands.

Anyway, long vent, but it’s been building up since I got that Cintiq. I don’t talk about this much because people hate hearing about it. They don’t want to see your anxieties.  You have to be *~strong~* and *~confident~* as an artist, and it’s “”””””cringe””””””” to have any doubts about yourself. They don’t want to see “I’m not happy with this, but here it is” attached to something you did. They call it “fishing for compliments,” without realizing there’s a lot of baggage attached to a lot of artwork that they, as the viewer, don’t see.

That when artists post art, they are literally putting themselves up on display. They wonder where they can improve in their work, they wonder about the reaction to their art.  These things don’t exist in a vacuum, independent of each other.  Art is inherently exhibitionist.

It’s why I’m the least suited for it, and I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to go collect stamps or something. What a waste of a life.

Survey #457

“blue are the words i say and what i think  /  blue are the feelings that live inside of me”

Do you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret? No. That shit is so overpriced and not for my size group. Would you ever use an online dating service? I never would again. Are you good at multitasking? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Have you ever eaten Frosted Mini Wheats? Ugh, those are so gross. What does your bikini look like? You think THIS bitch wears a bikini??????????????????????? Does age really matter in a relationship? To an extent, yes. How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? I honestly don't even know if I'd be here without her. Almost like magic, Sara popped back into my life right after I returned home from the hospital following my suicide attempt. She helped make recovery possible as a solid source of support. Do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough. My skin is so dry; I need to. Do you believe in teenage love? I experienced it deeply and thoroughly, so yes. Have you ever sat on the roof of your house? No. Do you like Sublime? I like that one popular one of theirs. "Santaria" or whatever it's called? What’s your favorite movie genre? Paranormal horror, especially the "found footage" type. It's creepy to imagine it being actually real. Is there a celebrity that you’d be willing to have a one night stand with? If he was single? I know in my gut I would lmaooooo Do you want to live in your current town the rest of your life? OH MY GOD PLEASE NO If you found out today your best friend was gay what would you do? She's demisexual, so. She can like anybody. If you could get a pet for free today-what kind/what name? A tegu, because it wouldn't need an enclosure that I don't have. I'd let it free roam. God, I can only imagine Roman's reaction. How many people have you slept with? If you mean what I think you do by "slept," one. Do you ever wish you had a family business to become a part of? Not really. What’s the most gruesome way you could come up with to kill someone? Hunny, have you seen my dark RP????? The world best be glad I'm a pacifist lmfao Do you think anyone deserves to die that way? I don't believe in torture, so no. If you had to fight for survival, what would your weapon of choice be? A gun, I guess? I'd want something with range and that's quick. I wanted to say a bow and arrow, but preparing another arrow after shooting once could really cost you your life. Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog, period. If not, are you afraid of them? No, I love big 'ole puppos!!!!! I just don't wanna own a dog myself. Are you good at playing darts? Holy fuck no, I have NO hand-eye coordination. I once stabbed the guy at a balloon popping booth thing with a dart in the arm, if that tells you anything, ooooooooooof. Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? YESSSSSSSSS omg Do your parents know that/if you smoke? They know that I don’t. Have you ever been under a blacklight? Omg so in elementary school, we did this thing once where we all washed our hands as best we could and then put them under some sort of light (maybe a blacklight, idk???) to see JUST how resilient germs are. You gotta scrub the fuck out ya hands, people. How many pounds do you want to lose? I'd rather not share a number, but a lot. What’s your favorite natural phenomenon? The Northern Lights. Do you snore? Very surprisingly for someone with sleep apnea like mine, I actually don't. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? Off the very top of my head, one, but it's spelled differently. I KNOW I know of a shitload more Brittanys, though. Is it possible you could be pregnant? Well, I haven't been intimate with a man in years and just finished my period, so like- Could you go a day without texting? I go most days without texting. Do you have a step-parent? My dad is remarried, so yes. If so, do you get along with them? She's EXTREMELY Christian, so her beliefs wildly disagree with mine, but I keep my mouth shut a lot just to keep the peace. She IS a very sweet woman, nevertheless, and am glad she and my dad are so happy together. Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform? My last job (which lasted not even two hours lol) did. When will your driver’s license expire? My permit has been expired for like... two years. Do you live in an apartment? No. If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say? That's too wild a concept to even imagine. I'd probably ask if she was okay lmao. Would you ever get back with one of your exes? Weeeelp, I want to get back together with Girt. Pretty badly. Write a foreign word, and what it means: "Schadenfreude" is a German term that essentially means secondhand embarrassment, but it doesn't have a perfect translation. Is there an ex you think about everyday? Inevitably. That's PTSD, my friends. Who is the last person that you said I love you to, besides family members? Sara. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Something along the lines of "no one could ever love you like I do." It boils my blood just typing that; I considered even deleting this question. That quote right there is fucking manipulation, even IF I thoroughly believed it. Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? I don't feel like looking. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? It's weird, I'm into slightly older-than-me guys, but probably girls who are barely a bit younger than me. Have you ever been used? I don't think so. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Like I've said in plenty of surveys: Jason is probably a permanent fixture. But also as of the past two days, Girt's been living up there. I went from "hmmm I just don't know how I feel" to "FUCK I want to talk to him about how stupidly into him I am right this fucking INSTANT" pretty goddamn fast. It kinda scares me just because of how extreme my feelings are. Again. That's only ever gotten me hurt. Buuuut let's not get into that. Have you ever got caught cheating on a test? No, because I've never tried to. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope it won't be. But it's not like I know the future. Have you ever worn an oxygen mask? Actually yes, when I was young and thought I was having an asthma attack or something. Mom had one for her own asthma. Then I obviously wore one for surgery. What song do you want to be played at your funeral? "Paradise" by Coldplay is absolutely #1. How many swear words are in the song you’re listening to? I'm not listening to music; I'm back to watching Gab play Sekiro. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same sex, and if so, who? Yeah, just Sara. Who did you last tell to ‘shut up’? Ha, I think my WoW friend Lyndsey, but only playfully, of course. We pick fun at each other all the time. Would you ever get a tattoo of a boyfriend/girlfriend's name? NOOOOOOOOO. Are you one of those girls who already have baby names picked out? I know what I'd name my kids IF I actually wanted any, yeah, but I don't. Do you think guys with long hair are attractive? Yessss, I love long hair on guys. Are any of your siblings taller than you? I think Ashley is a liiiiil bit taller? I know my brother is, for sure. Have you ever scared someone so badly that they cried? Yikes, no. When was the last time you wore high heels? Boy oh boy, no idea. Is there someone that you want to hurt right now? Jeez, no thanks. What was the most interesting or colorful birthday cake you’ve had? I don't remember, but I'm sure something from childhood. What was the last thing someone bought you? Was it expensive? Mom bought me food from McD's, which obviously isn't expensive. Do you have any interesting moles anywhere you don’t want people to know of? No. Have you ever gotten high or drunk in a really formal place? Strong "no" there. Do you ever write poetry and post it on any certain websites? On the very rare occasion I write poetry and actually like it, I'll sometimes post it on dA. What do you miss most about your childhood? Actually, genuinely having fun and not dealing with fucking anhedonia. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? Hell no. Do you photograph well? I'd like to hope so. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? Maggots and similar bug larvae. What super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? Mind reading. It just sounds... awful and overwhelming. What’s your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? Oh, I KNOW I have answers to this, just none are coming to me immediately and I don't feel like sitting here for five minutes thinking about it. If adults had show and tell, what would you bring into work? My snek! :') If you had a reset button for the last 10 years, would you press it? Tempting, but... I don't think I would. I cannot go through how deep my depression was again. Who is someone you would never swear in front of? My nieces and nephew. Yes, I don't believe in profanity being a "thing" and is just a stupid human fabrication, but nevertheless I acknowledge societal standards and expectations, and they're way too young to get when you shouldn't say something like that and why. Have you ever won a contest or competition? A few. Who is your favorite TV character? I don't think I really have one? Do you coo over other people’s babies? Not really, no. Sometimes I'll think they're super cute and be like "awww," but I don't like... squeal and spaz like some people do. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? Steve Irwin got me deeper than anyone else. Chester Bennington hit real hard, too. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? Most of my closest ones, yes, at least via Facebook. What’s a movie that you want to see? Old movie, but Jacob's Ladder. It was a massive influence on Silent Hill, so naturally, I'll probably love it. It's a classic, anyway. Do you use the same username everywhere online or do you have a lot? I use "Ozzkat" in most places, but I do have some other ones for different sites. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? My friend Ana recently revealed she's expecting her second child, a boy. What fad were you actually into? I have zero clue. Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? Fuck no. That's how so many wrecks happen. My sister legit got in a wreck with an 18-wheeler mostly because she was tailgating (which she does BADLY); she was trying to pass, and he moved over at the same time because he couldn't see her coming around. It's a borderline miracle she got out with only some cuts, bruises, and a seatbelt burn. Have patience, people. Get off cars' asses. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Look, don't get me started on this. There are a shitload of reasons and I have been way too emotional over this the past few days laksdfja;lwke What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel w/ cream cheese for breakfast. Do you ever pick up your house phone? We don't have a landline phone. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? Personalities, for sure. I cannot be into you if your personality isn't attractive.

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 2

Zero and @eternalfarnham are Looseleaf and Saelhen du Fishercrown, a mothfolk animist and a half-elf conwoman. A botched heist forces Saelhen to keep up her fake identity and embark on a quest to places unknown, with Looseleaf to keep a watchful compound eye on her. This time, they prepare to set out for the jungle city of Thunderbrush.

[Campaign log]

It's less than a week after the incident with the pit under Yoshimimoto Plaza. Looseleaf returns to school with Saelhen in tow, and Looseleaf's roommate Oyobi spends some time training them up in basic monster self-defense- the two of them are now level 2! Saelhen gains a Cunning Action, and Looseleaf embarks on the Path of the Mutable Spirit. (There's no combat this session, so more on that later.)

In spending some time with Looseleaf's roommate, Saelhen picks up on... certain nuances.

looseleaf: what you know about your roommate is that she is very friendly and outgoing. the reason she's barely home most of the time is that she's always out partying or fighting or otherwise living it up on campus, and she's pretty well-known and popular amongst the student body. she's technically Martial Arts but takes a few Natural Arts classes, including your archaeology class. she wants to be an adventurer and join the Deathseekers' Guild, and she's taking multiple periods of Severe Zoology to learn to fight monsters. she thinks you in particular are adorable and has probably invited you to various social gatherings. she seems kind of spacey and unreliable, though, and doesn't seem to take you seriously.

saelhen, what you know about looseleaf's roommate is that she a freak nobody else seems to pick up on this, since there's not a lot of other elves at Blacksky, but you can tell from the way she wears her clothes and how she interacts with strangers to the uninformed observer, her fashion sense is sort of rugged and sporty and normal to an elf, her usual outfits are the equivalent of going around dressed in torn booty shorts, a spiked choker, and an ahegao t-shirt she is very obviously making a statement, and that statement is "i can do whatever i want, and if you have a problem with that you can [insert grossly offensive euphemism here]" her super-smiley friendly attitude is clearly part of this- she is breaking every single rule in the elf book, going right for the friendship throat in every social interaction and ignoring every single nicety that's supposed to precede friendly contact she acts a little different around you- like, she expects you to be in on the joke she's playing on everyone around her. she'll say something seemingly innocuous that's a actually a horrendous boundary violation in Kanzentokai, and then look at you with an expectant smile, to see if you appreciated the hilarious prank she just pulled. being around her is like being in the studio audience for a cringe comedy sitcom

Why are we learning so much about Oyobi? Well, partially because I can't help but overthink every single bit character, but also for reasons that'll become clear shortly.

After a few days, Saelhen and Looseleaf are invited to the Provost's office, up at the top of Blacksky Tower. (Ominous sort of place, for a faculty building- hewn out of a single chunk of sparkling black stone, oldest building on campus.) They are not invited to sit- the office contains no chairs.

Provost Hamori Los has good news for them! The people she's had secretly monitoring Saelhen for the past few days- did she forget to mention that?- have determined, by triangulation, that the arrow on Saelhen's bracer is currently pointing in the direction of Thunderbrush, deep in the giant-spider-infested jungle. So that where they'll be going, on a fun field trip!

Looseleaf could not be happier about this. Or less happy. She's really got precisely the amount of unhappiness that she's obligated to feel about giant spiders, being a giant moth.

Luckily, they won't have to trek through the jungle- Hamori has arranged for transportation via the ferry at the town of Cauterdale, which should allow them to bypass a treacherous trek into the depths of the Remoline Rainforest. They'll each be provided 100gp as funding for this academic enterprise- and Headmaster Goodcrest of Thunderbrush Metropolitan University has agreed to provide lodging for them on arrival. Everything is handled for them- so there shouldn't be any problems!

There is one more thing, though- all the different schools want in on this trip, so one school doesn't get all the credit. They're required to bring along a representative from the School of Arcane Arts and the School of Martial Arts, on top of Looseleaf from Natural Arts. And on top of... the representative from the School of Restricted Arts.

This dude is named Vayen, and he's not much for conversation. Or explaining what he's even doing here. Or doing anything besides skulking a careful distance away from the party, staring and listening. What does the School of Restricted Arts even study, again?

Anyway, Looseleaf has someone in mind from Martial Arts, so she leads the party to the School of Arcane Arts to do some recruiting! After being chewed out by Two-Brains for trying to post notices outside the official student notice board, she puts up her ad:

It's not long before she gets a bite!

Orluthe Chokorov is a cleric-in-training, under Diamode, the Goddess of Family. He's been enrolled in Arcane Arts at the insistence of his family... but he seems to think he's a "fake", and is desperate to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as it means he passes his classes without having to actually... be able to do whatever it is he's taking classes in. He says he can fight, though- in fact, he's eager to fight! He once beat Bud Chestplate, did you know?

There are perhaps less delinquent candidates they could go with, but there's something nice about a party member with secrets Saelhen could use as blackmail.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...rest assured that I shall be the soul of discretion. As will Looseleaf." "Though I fear that deception of this sort does not come easily to me..." Looseleaf: "Noeru, if he doesn't want to get into it, he doesn't have to- oh my god."

Having recruited Orluthe, the party heads back to Looseleaf's dorm to ask Oyobi about the Martial Arts students- maybe she has some idea as to who would make a good candidate for the trip!

(This isn't me foisting her on the players, though I did suggest it- after the party of two squishies got wiped in the first encounter, I offered them the chance to put together two NPCs who they'd get to control in combat. Their character sheets were more or less created by the players, and I matched their mechanical requirements to NPCs. We may end up having multiple characters per PC, later- this is sort of a trial run.)

With a cleric(?) and a ranger on the team, plus whatever Vayen is that he won't tell them, they're feeling ready to hit the road- right after a shopping trip.

Saelhen buys...

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings

1x traveler's clothes

1x hooded lantern

15x doses of insect repellent salve (much to Looseleaf's great offense)

2x uses of sealing wax

1x tinderbox

fuck it, 4x more bags of 1000 ball bearings

Zero: 'what are you going to do with five thousand ball bearings' 'when the time comes, i'll know'

Looseleaf buys...

1x pint of oil

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings also

5x healer's kits, to distribute to the party

1x pouch of various plant seeds

1x map

Notably absent is any food, since they have Oyobi in their party- she's a ranger with the Goodberry spell. (I've reflavored it to just mean she's good at foraging and always has rations on hand, because holy crap, Goodberry rules-as-written is totally worldbreaking- why would farms exist?)

During their shopping trip, Saelhen manages to get Oyobi alone, without the rest of the party. Oyobi's shtick has been fun, for her, as someone with very little regard for elven rules of politeness, but... it's still a little much. She asks Oyobi to tone it down.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, I thought you had to no-sell it to keep up the fake noble act- I didn't think it was actually getting you!" "That's priceless, oh my god." "What's there to take a 'break' from, anyway? What's wrong with just living?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Primarily, the fact that I really need not to twitch in front of the Provost's silent murder goon." Saelhen jerks a thumb over her shoulder, then belatedly checks to make sure that Vayen is not in fact literally right behind her. Benedict I. (GM): Make a Perception roll? Saelhen du Fishercrown: aw, hell, he definitely is, isn't he

She rolls a 13, and no one in particular rolls a 17. So, everything is fine. They keep their voices down, anyway.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, is it really a problem? Can you really not keep a straight face?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I mean, I can." Saelhen sweeps a hand over her face and is the picture of serenity. "Why should the lady Noeru de la Surplus concern herself with small lapses such as these?" "Surely someone shall find it in their hearts to forgive all trespasses." Oyobi Yamatake: She snorts. "Okay, I get your point." "But really, don't you think it's weirder for an elven noblewoman not to react?" "You don't think he thinks it's suspicious that you take it all in stride?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The character is admittedly kind of a freak. I'm making allowances. I mean, this is fun and all, but if no one sees through the bit at all and I'm stuck in it long-term, which it seems like I am, it's like..." "Just being back in Kanzentokai, except worse, because no one is making me." "And drow catch a lot of crap anyway. They don't need me to teach them that elves can be assholes." Oyobi Yamatake: She frowns. "You can't make me try to keep up with the rules, y'know. I'm not going to put up with that garbage ever again." "But I can tone it down with the..." "Y'know, the stuff I'm going out of my way to do, if that helps." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The wink-and-nudge, yeah. That would help." Oyobi Yamatake: She sighs. She seems a little put out by all this, but pretty quickly puts her happy face back on.

Meanwhile, Looseleaf and Orluthe seem to have lost track of Vayen. It doesn't take them long to find out where he went (well, after Looseleaf rolls a nat 1 on investigation and accidentally pisses off an old lady she mistook for Vayen). Turns out... he's hiding behind a statue of Ccorde, spying on Saelhen and Oyobi.

Looseleaf doesn't buy his crappy excuses, but also... she isn't altogether opposed to the concept of spying on "Lady Noeru de la Surplus", who really ought to have someone keeping an eye on her. So, she just hands him a medical kit- a kit she happens to have used her animist class feature Soul Link on, so she knows where it is at all times. (She's done the same to the bracer.)

Now, with the shopping done, it's time to hit the road! They have a couple options: go on foot, or requisition some giraffes.

(In this world, they domesticated giraffes instead of horses. Why? Because it's a fantasy world and why not?)

The city's main giraffe rental is run by the Ecumene of Understanding, based out of the Temple of Andra. You can rent giraffes for free, as long as you're willing to serve as a courier for the Ecumene- their convoluted legal system requires them to send mail between cities frequently, and they've only got so many clerics on hand. So, anyone wanting to travel the roads can receive a delivery quest from the Ecumene, and rent mounts for free in exchange!

They meet with the Bishop of Understanding of Oyashio, Sarat Aerens.

Aerens has a simple request for them: in addition to visiting Thunderbrush's Temple of Andra with a mail delivery, they're to bring back a report from said temple on the whereabouts of the Siren's Arraignment, a ship that departed from Oyashio and never arrived at its next destination, Snowhold. There's suspicion that the Siren's Arraignment never departed from its supposed origin of Thunderbrush to begin with, either- so the Ecumene put some clerics on the job to investigate, and the party's job is just to relay their message.

With that, they're given giraffe passes, and directed down to the stables, where they find the stablehand, Updraft, having some difficulties.

Benedict I. (GM):There's no one at the pickup window, but there's a sparrow aarakocra just behind, trying to get a giraffe several times her height to get up and out of the damn water trough. Updraft: "...not a bath, ye stubborn git!" "Ye drink from that, lackbrains!" "Y'really want t'be tastin' yer arse?" Looseleaf: OH I CAN HELP WITH THIS FINALLY, A PLACE WHERE I CAN APPLY MY ADVANTAGE ON ANIMAL HANDLING

Looseleaf uses her Soul Read ability to tune in to the giraffe's feelings and recent history, and discovers that someone fed it a hot pepper and it's in, um, anal distress.

Orluthe volunteers to do some healing to the giraffe, with his Lay On Hands ability. Is... that a cleric thing? Do clerics do that? Probably. In this world, clerics perform magic by inviting their god directly into their mind to borrow their brainpower and work miracles directly, and it sure looks like he does that when he does his healing. He channels a god, for sure!

Benedict I. (GM): As he touches the giraffe, you see his body begin to glow, and his facial features are overlaid with another face. "...A giraffe?" "A waste, I suppose, but... perhaps it'll win us some favor." The voice he speaks in sounds more feminine, somehow.

Some religion checks reveal that this doesn't seem quite right for a cleric of Diamode, the goddess of Family. But hey, healing's healing, right?

With that, they're able to get their giraffes no problem- and next time, they'll be on the road to Thunderbrush!

SUSUMU NAKAMURA - THE KNIFE OF NEW YORK

‘It seems I no longer define who I am...

I was not meant to be him.’

> BASICS「基本」 → Susumu Nakamura [進・中村] → 31 → Shy and lonely → Homosexual → Manga Artist, but will become a music artist in the Marvel AU → Speaks Spanish, English, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese,  Italian and German → Nationality: Japanese/Irish → 5'9 before serum, 6'1 after > FACECLAIMS 「視覚」 [ PRE-SERUM MARKIPLIER  [ POST SERUM ] CHRIS EVANS

Videos taken of Susumu Nakamura at a manga convention, five weeks before he went missing. 

Experimental Copy of the Documents handed over by Susumu Nakamura, adapted by Angelo Sebastiani into a short story to tell of what happened. 

There were many emotions that Susumu was feeling within this moment. With his true self, he's finally managed to publish another manga, and Beijing was the first city that he was going to meet people at, finally. A chance to be with the fans, and a holiday from being a manga artist and book writer. And his husband needed a break from the modelling opportunities that he was getting. The name of the husband, you may ask? Nathaniel Huang.

A man of around the same age and popularity as the man that he's married. The love that he's had for years with him. Nathaniel, whenever Susumu felt that he was with him. He felt complete, well and truly, he felt complete. Susumu even based some parts of the manga around his husband because of the fact that Nathaniel inspired him so much with his manga. Susumu has done most of the manga however, being the one that's come up with the original ideas for the stories that are embedded within the nine hundred page behemoth of a book. But also within the intricate details of what happens throughout the story. Boarding the plane to Beijing from Tokyo. Susumu expresses his own fears of finding a hotel. Since everywhere may have been booked beforehand. The man looks down slightly and his husband reassures him that they'll find somewhere to stay for the night, even though the meet and greet was cheap and admittedly, a lot of people went through with wanting to meet them. 

* * * Five hours later, they manage to get to a hotel in Beijing as quickly as possible, before having to go into town square the following morning. Nathaniel looks longingly at a Captain America badge that someone was selling up at a market counter. Grabbing it, he decides to pay for it, as a present for his husband. Susumu thanked him quickly for the present and immediately wore it with happiness. Ever since the hero had gone missing, the popularity of his merchandise had been boosted in China. Meiguo Duizhang was becoming a staple of Chinese merchandise and strangely enough it had not been censored whatsoever when he went missing. Well, if he went missing, that is. The details were hazy upon the case of him. No one knew, and China, they were trying to find a new one in order to go through with trying to recreate him over and over. Even though the avengers originally promised that there would be another one if he was to ever step down. 'Wasn't your idol always Captain America when you grew up?' Nathaniel joked. 'Well, only when I found out the comics were being sold in Ireland.' Susumu responded, laughing slightly at what his husband had to say. 'But, yeah, I absolutely loved him.' 'Seems like the whole of China is going crazy over him.' 'Well isn't that obvious?' asks he. The Irish accent almost erupting from his voice as he asked. 'Hey-- calm down.' 'I am calm. What do you think we should do now?' 'Get something to eat, get some rest?' 'Sounds like a plan.' 'Quick question, babe?' 'Yuh-huh?' 'I'm just wondering, I have a meeting tomorrow morning, so are you good with just holding the panel on your own.' 'Yeah sure, I'm fine with that.' 'Alright, thank you.' Nathaniel says, hugging him tightly. A laugh erupting from his lungs slightly as he cuddles him. 'Stop crushing me with your hugs!' Later on within the night, they both had a romantic dinner and eventually, they both went to bed, cuddling together and eventually going to sleep. Susumu struggling more to go to sleep than Nathaniel. They decided to watch a film together, Susumu huddled up into Nathaniel's shirt. They kissed for a while, and they finally laid down. Holy hell he was excited. So excited for what tomorrow had to bring, so excited for whom he'd meet tomorrow. He eventually went to sleep with these thoughts within his head. * * * A few hours later, Susumu couldn't feel his husband by his side. He woke up, and only saw a bunch of black figures and Nathaniel in the background, instructing them all in Mandarin as to what to do with him. 'No! Get off me! I said get the fuck off me!' He shouts, they tried to bring him in but he continued to try to fight them off, that was until he felt a needle in the nape of his neck and was laid to rest once again through sedatives. What happened next, it's a much more darker story. He remembers these men trying to put him in a chamber, spraying him down with a lot of disinfectant before they started on him. Giving him his own clothes and then another injection to the back. China was obsessed with becoming the next power and this was one of the first ways of doing it. Susumu screams out as he feels himself getting pricked with needle. He felt himself grow larger with every injection that they made, and then they finally moved onto another part of him. 'Make him look like his crush, why don't you?' Nathaniel seemingly mocks him from the speakers. Susumu was shaking at this point, he still had a tan skin tone. His face was still all the same, still flawed. Still imperfect. He curled up into a ball and eventually was put to sleep yet again by sedatives. Although, the sedative didn't exactly work as intended. He felt everything, every single cut and prod that they pulled on him when they wanted to render him immaculate. How they changed his jawline, how they changed his skin tone. Everything. They changed everything about him. Up to the point where he was no longer recognisable as his normal self. 'Perfect...' Nathaniel says to himself as he looks down upon his quivering boyfriend in the corner of the room. Susumu didn't want to be perfect, he just wanted to be himself. 'What did you do to me?' He asks, looking up at his boyfriend. His voice croaking through. He had to stop himself from crying. 'I just wanted you to be more happy than you were before.' Nathaniel states to him. Shouting was then heard: 'No-- no why isn't the power fitting in with him?! You're saying it's his gene pool? What the fuck-- I've been trying my best to coax him into this for so long.' He shouts, lying to the people he's faithful to in the process. 'Only for it to fuck up because of his heritage?! I thought, I thought he could have fitted the genes. Give it to me! Give the fucking serum to me!' He hoped to wake up and see whether this was all a bad dream that he was having in his head. * * * Susumu eventually woke up in the hotel bedroom. He smiles softly as he begins to slowly think that it's nothing but a simple nightmare that he had. He gets out of bed. 'Nathaniel! Nathaniel, did you go for your meeting?' His voice hasn't changed in the slightest, it must have been a bad dream. he smiles even more widely. Relieved. 'Fuck he left, didn't even get to say good morning to him...' He then thinks to himself. Looking down at a table he notices a note completely in Japanese. 'Susumu, I've had a lot of fun with you over the past few years, but I've finally decided that we'd best go our separate ways. I hope you the best in the world and honestly, I really do hope that you feel happy. The reasons why I wanted to leave I'll disclose right here in this note. I no longer felt that spark that we once had back when we first met, I no longer felt that love for you that we once had. We both have such large differences, creatively and mentally that it's almost boggling as to how we got together. I'll admit, I'm so surprised that we lasted this long. I'm so sorry, Susumu. I loved you. I really did, but now I just can't keep that façade up for much longer. I'm so sorry. I hope you find happiness. Love Nathaniel xx' The man looks down at the note for a few minutes. Sitting back on the bed as he reads it, over, and over, and over again. He can't believe what he's seeing. He just wants to rip up the note. The feeling of being broken up with after a four year relationship made him feel sick to the stomach, he went into the bathroom, quickly, to get himself ready for his first meeting. He'll still be there. That's when he looked in the mirror. 'No . . . no . . . ' He lets out as he looks at himself. An arising fear beginning to grow and flourish within his body. He looked exactly like what Nathaniel wanted him to look like within the dream. Captain America. He has the brown, almost blonde hair, the chiselled jawline, the beautiful adonis like body that he had. He has everything about him. The only thing that Nathaniel didn't change about him was the beard. He kept that. The only thing that he kept about Susumu. When Susumu's fear starts to grow, he notices a shadow appear on the wall and break the mirror in front of him. He freezes for a moment. He was going to punch the mirror but that would be damage to property and he couldn't do that. 'Fuck--' He lets out as pieces of the mirror were all over the sink. He clenches his hand in anxiety as he wishes to fix the mirror again. Almost as if he could reset time, the mirror returned to its original state. No longer broken. Susumu looks down, noticing that there's still a piece of glass upon the tile floor. He picks it up and looks at the mirror. The mirror in reality was still broken. Thinking that he could get away with this, he changes his appearance to fit that with reality, although when he went out, a lot of people gave him strange looks, and some even called him by the name that he no longer wishes to be associated with. Meiguo duizhang. He went through with the meeting and a lot of people pointed out that he looked different to the profile photo that he shared of himself. Fuck this isn't working. The thought went through his head and thankfully, no footage of the meet and greet was ever posted on social media or was ever on the news. Susumu had to give back all the money that he gained, he hoped to give it to a charity that was about the poverty line. Helping those who were homeless. But now, there's no money. Susumu feels that he has no identity, nothing, he's left with nothing. His husband  fucked up his whole life. He got on the plane back to America and quickly set course for New York, on a panic flight. Not even knowing where he was going. He managed to get through to the airport through a loophole in the system. His fingerprint was still the same, and the Chinese airport checked everything. While it took a day or two, he had a new passport and he could get in. * * * Eventually, he managed to get back there and he walked through the alleyways in order to feel as if he was slightly safer, that's when he stumbled across a woman with a knife, threatening to stab and kill him if he didn't give her his money. The woman was caucasian, a ripe age and unfortunately had stumbled down into the black market and got herself into debt. She started driving the knife closer to his stomach. 'Give me the fucking wallet!' She screams out. A circle of darkness forms behind her and pulls her back onto the wall. Trapping her there. Susumu then quickly makes his escape and manages to get to his house, letting the woman go before doing so. He eventually stays in the house and he begins to break down completely. Curled up in a corner, taking deep breaths to avert the point of sensory overload. He continues to do this for around thirty minutes. Going into his room, he ends up making a mirage for someone else unintentionally. He looked out the window and created another vision of a car, completely totalled in front of a driver. The driver who witnessed it got out of his vehicle and went towards the wreck, only for the wreck to then disappear. Causing him to panic and run back to his car immediately. That's when he realises, that he can bend reality to his own will. 

WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s  escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy  щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

-

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

Hexing the Moon is Not a Thing

I have been hesitant to weigh in on the on the controversy surrounding the rumors that witches are out there hexing the Fae and the moon, but as this story is making its way into national news media, I feel that silence is no longer appropriate. I am aware that people reading this are likely to disagree with me, or perhaps even become offended by my take on the situation, but I am willing to take that risk in an attempt to be a voice of reason.

The gist of this story is that allegedly groups of neophyte witches are organizing on the social media platform TikTok and attempting to cast harmful spells on the Fae and the moon, the actual moon orbiting the Earth, and allegedly the sun is next. I was very deliberate in calling this a rumor in my opening statement. After a lot of research, I have been unable to find a lot of evidence that this is really going on. I've managed to find two TikTok users claiming to be hexing the moon, both with only around 1000 followers, and both of them have posted videos that are very clearly jokes and/or trolling. And I'll be honest, they were kind of funny.

I'm open to any contradicting evidence anyone is willing to provide me, but at this point I believe that this alleged group of witches hexing the Fae and the moon is nothing more than a rumor, a prank, or an internet troll scheme that has been blown completely out of proportion. I have seen so many angry reactions to the idea that this may be happening and simply not enough proof to believe it is actually happening. Did the rumor originate from an actual event? Probably. Is there a kernel of truth here? Maybe. Is there a widespread conspiracy of witches hexing mythological creatures and celestial bodies? Doubt it.

The story seemed to explode when a Twitter user claimed that these hexes were occurring and their tweet went viral. I've read the entire tweet, and while it was heavily laden with definitions and dire consequences, what it lacked was a shred of evidence, a single source, or any clue as to where someone might look to see proof of these hexes and this community of young maleficars. However in spite of this, it created a wave of anger and panic that has spread across all social media platforms and inspired many witches to create some very emotional responses.

Here is why I have a problem with all of this. Reactionary emotional responses, especially ones of anger, based on baseless rumors, have a tendency to make us all look foolish. And I sincerely feel that the global witch community is being made to look foolish right now. I will now thoroughly explain why.

I am going to begin with the obvious ageist and anti-novice dialogue this has inspired. I have purposefully avoided using the term “baby witch” until now, because I find it pretty offensive. I probably don't need to tell you that every story about this starts with a headline similar to “baby witches hex the moon.” “Baby witches” are the ones to blame, and “baby witches” are being vilified right now. In general, putting the word “baby” in front of another title serves to be diminutive, to express that while you and this person may share an identity, you are clearly superior to them. Using titles this way is infantilizing and demeaning. It suggests that while this person may be an adult, they are helpless, irrational, naive, stupid, and so on. There is nothing wrong with being a younger witch or a person who is new to the spiritual path of witchcraft. There is absolutely something wrong with taking a rumor as an excuse to release prejudicial venom against young and/or inexperienced people all across the internet.

Few of us were lucky enough to be born into witchcraft families. Many of us found witchcraft as a spiritual solace after escaping religious systems that oppressed us. Engaging in any kind of dialogue that makes witchcraft seem hostile to the young or new people who need it is simply not good form, and in my opinion, unethical. And let me remind any witches reading this that you most likely did or thought some pretty stupid things when you were new to witchcraft. I know I did.

Calling the subjects of this rumor “TikTok witches” serves nearly the same purpose as calling them “baby witches.” It's well known that as a newer and more complicated platform, TikTok is most popular with younger and more tech savvy users. Referring to someone as a “TikTok witch” not only makes an assumption about their age and level of experience, but also serves to denigrate their practice into an aesthetic rather than an identity. I am very active in the Facebook witch community, but I would never describe myself as a “Facebook witch,” because the sum of my spiritual path is much more than what I post and comment. My life as a witch is so much more than anything I do on the internet, and the same is true for most people, period.

Now I'd like to move on the statements I keep seeing regarding the supposed victims of the alleged hex. The Fae are not a large part of my practice, so I will not speak on them as much. My sister used to claim as a teenager that faeries would hide her things and that's why she could never find them. I thought this was just a dumb excuse until one day she dropped her camera memory card on the floor right in front of me, and it just disappeared. We tore her room apart looking for that thing, and I found it days later hidden between the pages of my journal. Let's just say, I've been socially distancing from the Fae ever since.

Hexing the entire Fae is kind of a ridiculous notion because that word has so many different connotations and denotations to so many different people that depending on who you ask you couldn't even really nail down a concrete definition of who and what they are, and some witches don't believe they're real at all. And if I were a Fae, I imagine I'd like it that way. It's a more common belief among witches that casting a spell requires knowledge and focus, and that doesn't really compute with attempting to target an ambiguous crowd of whatever the hell they are who might be, well, somewhere. As Willow Rosenberg (Buffy) would have said, “It's like trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it.” Anyway, I think the Fae are probably fine.

Now let's talk about the moon. So the moon is real, definitely. I've seen it. And the moon is gonna be fine. I'm less concerned with explaining why the moon will be fine and more concerned with unpacking some of the things I've heard about the moon being in peril. In the case of both the Fae and the moon, I've seen many impassioned pleas for witches to join together and combat this hex by using the magick to bless the Fae and the moon instead. Now, like I've said, I'm not super worried about the Fae, but I'm really really really not worried about the moon. Witches often leave water and objects under moonlight to bless and purify them, but now we're expected to believe that a hex can travel 238,900 miles through that same moonlight and still have the juice to do some damage. Really, its gonna be fine.

What this amounts to is a cry for an online holy war, witches versus witches, duking it out on their altars and cell phones for the fate of the moon. And while that might make for a pretty bitchin D&D campaign, it is an absolutely ludicrous waste of energy given the real world problems we are facing right now. Witches please, if you are feeling compelled to do a spell to help the world right now, hex the secret police in Portland, hex the fascist elements in government, hex the damn coronavirus, bless the protesters, bless election security, BLESS RUTH BADER GINSBURG! But please reconsider spending your effort playing tug of war with a celestial body that is most definitely totally going to be fine.

The three most concerning claims I have seen about how this hex against the moon will affect us are as follows:

1.) “The moon rules emotions, so hexing the moon will have a negative effect on all our emotions.” Yeah, um, that's probably got more to do with the horror survival game that is 2020, which I think we can all agree has not been anyone's year. Placing the state of our emotions under the control of strangers on the internet is a classic case of blame avoidance, in which we feel justified in our reckless actions and emotional outbursts by claiming it is not our fault or out of our control. Contrarily, a common tenet of much of witchcraft is control of the self. Such behavior is very unbecoming of anyone bearing the mantle of the witch.

2.) “Hexing the moon has angered the moon goddess Artemis, and this has angered her brother Apollo—who rules over medicine—and now we will never recover from the coronavirus.” Wow, that's a lot to unpack. First of all, are Artemis and Apollo really that close? Because he totally tricked her into killing her BF Orion that one time. Second, not everyone believes in the same deities, and not everyone believes in gods at all. Telling someone we're all gonna die of COVID-19 because of a god they don't believe in does not make anyone look smart. Third, this argument places the outcome of the pandemic in the hands of religion instead of where it belongs, which is in the hands of science. Witches, please, you can believe in science and faith and magick all at the same time, and it's something we all really need to start doing. Fourth, and most definitely worst, blaming sickness and plague on the spells of witches is something witch hunters did back when it was commonplace to murder people for witchcraft, and now we are actually seeing this claim come from other witches! Gah! I can't even. Please stop.

3.) “This or that moon goddess is mad and is going to retaliate by taking magick away from all witches.” I really just want to drop that GIF of Krysten Ritter rolling her eyes right here. Let's revisit the part where not all witches believe in the same deities and some don't believe in them at all. Now let's remind ourselves that magick comes from within, and while we may draw strength from outside sources, we don't need anything other than ourselves to perform witchcraft. I could never possibly believe that an action taken by another person I've never met could make me less of a witch. That smacks of fundamental insecurity in one's beliefs.

At this point, this story has been picked up by several major media companies, including Buzzfeed, NPR, Cosmopolitan, Rolling Stone, and several others. While I do think it's important for stories about real life witches to be covered in the media, I am not proud of this moment of exposure. Every story I read seems to go back to the original Twitter thread as their primary source, which as I've explained, is not sufficient evidence. This story has become more about the global visceral reactions witches are having online, and while those feelings and interactions are certainly real, it disturbs me that the witch community is making huge news by essentially throwing tantrums based on what is probably a lie.

Witches are not featured in major media very often, and when we are it is typically characterized by gross misinformation. I fear that we are currently fueling a fire that will only serve to make witches look ridiculous to a large number of people outside our community. And while I think we all have a healthy touch of “I don't care what you think about me,” it would be irresponsible to say that this will not have actual consequences for real people. As witchcraft is a practice and not necessarily a religion, it has little in the way anti-discrimination protections for anyone anywhere, and witches are still very much minorities. People who are brave enough to live openly as witches may face discrimination in employment, housing, service, and various other things if this story sways public opinion in a negative way, which would be a real shame considering the story is basically a sham.

This story has unique potential to damage the way witches are perceived in society because, while the story is fueled by backlash from witches are most certainly not hexing the moon, the witches doing the hexing are the headline. In this era, it is more common for people to assume a story from a headline rather than read an entire article, and so I fear the general impression people are getting is that witches are unfathomable children who really want the moon to fall out of the sky. And for those who actually read the articles, their first impression of witches very well may be the frustrated rantings of those of us who are not at our best right now.

In addition, this story subverts the historical meaning of the practice of hexing into a petty malicious act done out of boredom. The actual history of hexing stems from one common theme: the powerless trying to find a way to fight back against the powerful. This is why so many hexes have to do with women seeking revenge on abusive men. This is why witches have recently been discussed in the media for doing mass binding spells on President Trump and a mass hex on Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh—which, controversial as they may be, these are stories I am actually proud of. So witches reading this, if you really wanna put a hex on something, let's target someone who really deserves it.

And if you think I'm referring to Betsy DeVos, well, I can't stop you from coming to that conclusion.

I do have one final remark, which is somewhat unrelated, but still important. If you are a witch who has found yourself deeply offended by the notion of hexing the moon (which you have every right to feel), I would invite you to please consider the feelings of indigenous people who have long been offended by the misappropriations of their culture, by their sacred acts being used and portrayed in ways they do not like or approve of. I think many of them have often felt the same way that you do now, except in their case, there's a lot more evidence the transgression actually occurred.

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2006

17 to 18 years old. First to second university year, studying History. Another slightly chaotic year, to be honest.

It’s yet another great year for hits, even if 2005 and 2007 are both even better.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

At this point it was beginning to be clear that my mother wanted me out of the appartment as quickly as possible so staying at home was becoming more and more unpleasant. I basically spent most of my day outside or at the library when I wasn’t in class, then ate dinner and slept at home. I had a few friends at university but was very unpopular (by the start of the second year, my nickname was “the hobo”, mostly because I was always wearing the same old black coat and bad jeans, but also because I liked to fish for coins under vending machines cause I had next to no money). I also had a brief but extremely bad relationship that year, which ended with me punching the dude back after he punched me between two classes near the end of the year.

While making these lists I found a tape labelled “spring 2006″ and nothing else. I think it’s one of the last tapes I ever made.

After listening to it, it contained:

Mr Brightside (The Killers) (who’s surprised?)

Crazy, by Seal, but sung by a woman. No idea who that is. (Edit: Alanis Morissette! thank you purplecyborgnewt)

Alice & June (Indochine)

You And Me (Lifehouse)

A couple of seconds of Precious, Depeche Mode

Oui (Zazie)

Precious (Depeche Mode) again. A radio host states it’s the n°15 favorite song on Europe 2 that week, whichever week that was.

City of Blinding Lights (U2)

Nolwenn Ohwo (Nolwenn Leroy)

Fragment of Song to Say Goodbye (Placebo), then the entire song.

The ending of Talk (Coldplay), followed by another fragment of Talk

Juste Après (Fredericks, Goldman & Jones)

Talk (Coldplay), this time in its entirety (I can still smell the frustration more than 13 years away)

Broken (Seether)

Enjoy the Silence 2004 (Depeche Mode)

Fragment of Missing (Evanescence), followed by nearly the entire song

Jeune et Con (Saez)

A bit of a radio show I found funny

An obscure remix of Sans Contrefaçon (Mylène Farmer).

So yeah, I stopped making tapes around that time. I also only bought two cd singles that year.

Just like the previous year, some of my favorite albums from that year have exactly zero singles elligible for this list. They are Alice & June by Indochine, and Meds by Placebo. The worst part? One of the best songs on Indochine’s album is a goddamn duet with Brian Molko from Placebo. It’s called Pink Water and it’s great. Please listen to it if you don’t know it yet. What can I say, I’m a weak and simple person, I hear a duet between two singers I adore, and I die instantly.

Anyway. Meds is kind of underrated as far as Placebo’s discography goes and I’m especially fond of Infrared, which was one of the songs of the year for me. Indochine’s Alice & June, meanwhile, is a concept double album about two girls making a suicide pact. It’s a bit of a mess and it’s not as tight as Paradize was but it’s still really, really good for the most part. The first eponymous single should have been elligible. But it isn’t. I’m sad.

On to the honorable mentions!

So Sick (Ne-Yo) - Usually this kind of music just sounds bland to me, but that one was really pleasant.

Miracle (Cascada) - Not as good as Everytime we touch. Still a lot of fun.

Smack That (Akon) - This shouldn’t be this catchy.

Pump It (Black Eyed Peas) - Same here.

Living On Video (Pakito) - I only just now realised this was a cover. What the hell.

SOS (Rihanna) - Not her best song. Still good.

L’Amour N’est Rien (Mylène Farmer) - Really funny lyrics, meh song.

World Hold On (Bob Sinclar) - Stay tuned for more.

Hips Don’t Lie (Shakira) - Song of the summer, whether you liked it or not. Fortunately, I liked it a lot.

Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol) - Very pleasant.

SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) - That beat is just incredible.

Call Me When You’re Sober (Evanescence) - I remember Rock Mag finishing their KarmaCode (Lacuna Coil) review with “We hope Evanescence’s next album will be fantastic, because this is their most serious rival yet.” And nope, Evanescence’s album wasn’t nearly as good as KarmaCode. But this song still made the year-end list, while nothing from Lacuna Coil ever crossed over. Our Truth SHOULD have been a huge hit. It had a ton of crossover appeal. One of the biggest musical tragedies of the year right there. Oh well, the Evanescence single is still good though.

Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - The last cut from the list, and when you’ll see what replaced it, you are going to hate me.

And now, the top ten.

10 - Everytime We Touch (Cascada)

US: #31 / FR: #5

This kicked Nelly Furtado off the list.

I am not sorry, just so you know.

9 - Ridin’ (Chamillionaire)

US: #8 / FR: Not on the list

This is a song about respecting the law and driving at a reasonable speed and cops being mad because they can’t do anything against you. He’s a gangster, just... not doing anything illegal at the moment. I absolutely adore that concept. This is the best.

8 - Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)

US: #7 / FR: #29

I’ve never met someone who disliked this song, and for that reason I have nothing to say about it. It’s just one of these tunes, like Hey Ya, which are too perfect to argue or say anything constructive about them.

7 - Temperature (Sean Paul)

US: #2 / FR: #48

Half of this top ten 10 is made of absolute bangers with untouchable beats and you know what, I really miss that time, mostly because the current charts are morose and depressed (for good reasons, but still). This is no Get Busy, but come on, who can say we need less Sean Paul in our lives? Not me that’s for sure.

By the way, one of the very first videos I saw on (the very new at the time) youtube was a misheard lyrics version of this song. I think you all know which one it is, the original has been deleted but it was reuploaded several times since then.

6 - Rock This Party (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

You really can’t go wrong with this “Everybody dance now” sample, and this is one seriously kickass song, and yet another banger on a list already full of them. Also, this was possibly the best music video of the entire year, featuring three kids trying to imitate music videos from just about every popular genre. Check it out if you’ve never seen it, it will make your day.

5 - Marly-Gomont (Kamini)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1

Possibly the most unexpected hit song of the decade in my country. Basically, this guy made a rap song about the tiny rural village he was living in, and a funny music video shot on a 100€ budget to show to his friends and family. And it was well written. And it was hilarious, while still being insightful. And it became a viral sensation. And it charted! And suddenly it became the biggest hit of the year.

If you’ve never heard it, here it is. There was no translation available for it on lyricstranslate, so I made an account just to translate it myself. You’re welcome. Please give it a try. It’s great. It was a hit for a good reason, and I promise you the music video is funny even if you don’t speak the language.

4 - Slipping Away/Crier la Vie (Mylène Farmer & Moby)

US: Not on the list / FR: #15

So, uh, earlier in this post I said “What can I say, I’m a weak and simple person, I hear a duet between two singers I adore, and I die instantly.”

This is a duet between Mylène Farmer and Moby, based on a song from Hotel, which, if you recall, I listened to on a loop the previous year.

My poor heart didn’t need this. What did I do to deserve this. What a blessing.

3 - Over My Head (Cablecar) (The Fray)

US: #13 / FR: Not on the list

This was my #1 at some point. Then I realised the version I kept listening to was a punk rock version by A Day To Remember from Punk Goes Pop, and that I had nearly forgotten what the original sounded like. So I listened to it, and it’s still very, very nice, but it’s not quite the same.

I still bought the album, though.

2 - Nolwenn Ohwo (Nolwenn Leroy)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I had completely (and I do mean completely) forgotten about this song until I started to check the French year-end top 100 to make this list. Erased from my mind entirely by some sort of MiB neuralyser. And I was like “hang on, wasn’t this a good song? This rings a bell. I used to love it, didn’t I?” (and sure enough, it’s on that 2006 tape I found). So I wrote it down for the honorable mentions, just in case.

Before making the definitive list, I put the song on, and I felt like the critic in Ratatouille having a flashback.

Holy. Shit.

I remembered ALL the lyrics. While listening to it, in under three minutes I successively put it in the 6th spot, then the 4th, and when it ended, it was #2 on the list. I downloaded it and put it back on my mp3 player and on my playlists. I’ve listened to it about 30 times in the past week. It’s so great. How did I ever forget this song existed. I feel so alive.

I never cared about this singer, but this is written by Laurent Voulzy, who’s music I actually love, and he’s firing on all cylinders here. Just listen to it. Please.

It could have easily topped the list if it wasn’t for the most useful and helpful song in the entire year.

1 - Pas le Temps (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

I never watched a single episode of Prison Break. This was the French version of the opening song. I don’t even know what happens in the series. I don’t really care.

I. Adore. This song. It’s yet another #1 that helped me a lot.

The beat is untouchable and this rap is actual poetry. Not even remotely kidding. Here’s a part of one of the verses.

Aussi loin que la lumière semble s'éteindre (As far as the light seems to flicker) Seule une étincelle au fond de moi peut l'atteindre (Only the spark hidden inside of me can reach it) (...) Les dés sont jetés, rien n'est joué (the dice is tossed, the game is set) Même le sort retient son souffle piégé dans ce sablier (even fate holds its breath, trapped in this hourglass) J'ai décidé de ne pas être prisonnier (I decided I wouldn’t be a prisoner) J'n'ai que ma vie à offrir si jamais j'échouais (I only have my life to offer if I ever fail) Pas le choix faut y'aller (No choice, let’s go)

The line “pas le choix, faut y aller” (no choice, let’s go) keeps being repeated in the entire song and it’s so, SO motivational. As I said before, 2006 was not as bad as 2003 but it was still a difficult year - at the end of it, I was an adult with no money, very little hope for the future, no diploma yet apart from the highschool one, still trying to NOT become a ball of anger because of a couple of assholes in class, all of this with dysphoria and a mother who wanted to kick me out as soon as possible. And I wanted to win, and punch the world, and say here I come, I’m alive, I survived, better watch out.

Si je dois exceller, tout donner, prendre c'que j'peux (If I need to be the best, give everything, take whatever I can) Si le monde m'appartient restez pas au milieu (If the world is mine, don’t stay in my way) Et si le sort est contre moi c'est tant pis (And if fate is against me, too bad) On fait des plans pour s'en sortir, écoute (We’re making plans to survive, listen) Pas le choix faut y'aller (No choice, let’s go)

This song defined the entire year for me. This was my fight song. Everytime I wanted to give up, it was there to give me a very simple reminder.

No choice. Let’s go.

Next up: here it is, at last, the absolute best hit song of the decade

End of Year Fic Meme 2019

I was holding off on doing this with the hopes that I might finish one last thing before the end of the year but I need to admit that I don’t have the time or the wellness to do so. First project of 2020?!

Totals: 

Grand Total Fandoms: 3-ish (MCU: 24.5, Good Omens: 0.5, X-Men: 1) Grand Total Stories: 26 Grand Total Word Count: 330,650*

*AO3 is giving me full credit here for Sorry If You’re Starstruck, which I posted half in December of 2018 and half in January 2019, and also for Is This Heaven? No, It’s Brooklyn, half of which was written by @godlessondheimite. So my real work count for 2019 is probably more like 270,000. Which is still uh kind of a lot.

Overall Thoughts:

Hmm I guess receiving the gift of a very broken canon means a lot of fixit fics?! Thanks, Endgame?!  I experimented more with some different kinds of AUs. Mostly I had fun and stayed hydrated. Good game, everyone! Orange slices for all!

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

IDK, there were multiple points this year where I finished a story and thought, “OK, I’ll take a little break from writing now,” and then immediately had another idea that I felt compelled to write. I’m a big believer in treating fic writing as a hobby--I never set daily goals for myself or anything, I really only write when it feels fun to me, and when it stops feeling fun I go and read or something.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

Hm, I wouldn’t have expected Good Omens to have become a huge fandom in the first place and I wouldn’t have expected myself to co-write a MCU/Good Omens crossover but here we are, with Is This Heaven? No, It’s Brooklyn. Other than that I stayed pretty locked into my MCU/Science Bros/OT3 happy place.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

I think it’s Is This Heaven? No, It’s Brooklyn. It was very fun to co-write with @godlessondheimite and it was nice to just stuff the story with little jokes and moments that made us happy/emotionally horny.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

See above? IDK, I wrote a vampire/faerie AU and had fun with that. I learned that maybe I don’t need to do a whole ton of worldbuilding for a little one-shot AU and maybe I can just have fun with a Holly Black/True Blood mashup.

My best story of this year:

I have a hard time differentiating between “best” and “favorite” tbh. My goal in fandom is mostly just to make myself happy, so the story that does the best job of doing that is the best? So maybe Made for This, my post-Endgame fixit that gave me personally just what I wanted (living Tony, human Bruce, and some hurt/comfort cuddles).

My most popular story of this year:

By any metric, it’s Bruce and Goose’s Truce. Turns out, clicks happen when you manage to respond to canon quickly?! Also: Goose.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Look, do what you want, universe, but I guess I’ll say that I really liked writing A Light That Never Goes Out (aka 80s AU aka Manic Pixie Dream Bruce) and per AO3 stat it is my 2nd-least-popular story of the year. 

Most fun story to write:

Is This Heaven? No, It’s Brooklyn. It’s fun to write with friends!   

Story with the single sexiest moment:

I don’t write much sexy stuff but the answer is definitively Winging It. Vampires be horny! 

Story with the single sweetest moment:

I only write fic as an excuse to get to the sweet moments. <- this is my answer from last year and it remains true

Snow Falls, Love Rises was very sweet by nature, what with the cookie baking and kissing in the snow and holiday parade and public proposal?

For He’s a Jolly Green Fellow had a lot of frosting and a lot of emotional sweetness as well.

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

That’s not really my genre? Although for Let Me Spell It Out For You, I did write a ghost cat, which means somewhere behind the scenes I killed a cat, which is very off-brand for me.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

Writing Tea & Sympathy let me focus in on Rhodey in a way that I hadn’t as much. (Sorry, Rhodey.) He’s a character I’ve always loved but also always kept in a sidekick role.

Hardest story to write:

Maybe Queer Eye for the Master of Magnetism? It had been a minute since I’d written any X-Men fic, and especially with it being for an auction winner and with it following on the footsteps of my other Queer Eye fic which was pretty popular, I felt a lot of pressure to make sure it lived up to those expectations.

Biggest Disappointment:

...was with Marvel; they know what they did >:(

Biggest Surprise:

Hm, maybe Snap Decisions? I’d originally talked about co-writing it with a friend after Infinity War, and we kept putting it off and finally I asked if she’d mind if I just wrote it myself. And she didn’t, but I know it turned out differently than it would have if we’d done it together. (I’m not saying worse or better, just--different. But I’m glad I put a version of it out in the world, at least.)

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

IDK you know that post about how fics written by 30-somethings are all about just giving the characters a good night’s sleep in a comfortable bed??? Well, Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonight is just that. Just...exactly that. Also Snow Falls, Love Rises has some of my Midwestern defensiveness. Even though Ohio is like barely the Midwest.

Plans for the next year:

Well, I gotta write my MTH auction winner story! The problem isss in order to write it properly I think I need to re-watch Endgame and I.......don’t want to. I also want to write some stuff for my Women of Marvel bingo card. I got halfway through a Nat/Pepper holiday story before my immune system gave out and I can’t write under my cold medicine haze. I might try to finish that...people will still read holiday fic in January right? JK it’s Nat/Pepper no one will read it anyway! I’m free! (I don’t mean this in a guilt-tripping way, just in a liberating way.)

After that, who knows? A break? A new fandom? Unlikely but possible!

OK bye, thanks for reading (this meme and also if you read anything I wrote this year, I appreciate you!)

BnHA Chapter 188: Hard Knocks Path to Redemption

Previously on BnHA: The Todoroki kids sans Shouto (and Dabi lulz) visited their mom at the hospital and awkwardly discussed Endeavor officially becoming the #1 hero. Shouto’s older brother Natsuo wasn’t happy about it, saying that the world doesn’t know about “what he did” and how he treated his family. But interestingly, Rei came to his defense, saying that things were more complex than that. She said she doesn’t know what’s going on in his heart, “but he hasn’t left us behind.” We then cut to Endeavor’s fight with the High Tide Noumu, which basically consisted of Endeavor hovering for a few seconds with his flames, and then getting very violently flung through a building. Like, he was basically used as a human laser saw to cut the top of this high rise clean off. A bunch of people nearly fell to their deaths, but thankfully Hawks saved them all with his ridiculously OP Mighty Wings quirk. Speaking of Hawks, idk but it sure is some shifty bullshit that Your Highness Noumu just happened to attack him and Endeavor in this building right when they were having a chitchat about Noumus. Something is definitely up you guys.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor continues to battle the High Heaven Noumu and pulls off some impressive feats, such as dicing a falling building into tiny pieces with his flames so that the spectators below don’t get crushed. Unfortunately these techniques come at a price, and he finds himself beginning to struggle due to the heat building up in his body. Meanwhile the High Hopes Noumu remains mostly unfazed, even dispatching a bunch of disgusting slimy clone things to wreak some havoc and distract Hawks and the other pros on the scene so that they can’t assist. Realizing he has no choice but to Go For It, Endeavor powers up his flames and hits the Noumu with massive flame attack: Prominence Burn. Unfortunately the Noumu anticipates his actions and is able to avoid being completely disintegrated. He regenerates, and then brutally slashes/stabs Endeavor in the most ironic spots possible -- his torso (nearly the same place where All Might was wounded by AFO), and his left eye (don’t think I have to explain this one lol). It’s all very violent, and probably not the sort of thing you’d want your child to witness on live television -- oh hey there Shouto. Didn’t see you there. Uh... well, shit.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 209 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

interesting title!

I wonder which of his four kids this is referring to? ngl I’ve been missing the U.A. kids for these past couple chapters so it would be nice to get Shouto back in here

holy shittttt

thiiiiiiiis is bad. that is some serious destruction. not something they can just shrug their shoulders about later, especially in BnHA where damage like this actually has lasting consequences

lol some other heroes are watching from a distance and they’re all “did Endeavor just Vidalia Chop Wizard that whole fucking building”

meanwhile Hawks is tumbling to safety on a nearby rooftop

and he’s referring here to Endeavor’s opening line in the chapter, “I’ll dice you up and burn you until there’s nothing left”

(ETA: in addition to being the first reluctant hero in the series, Hawks is also the quippiest we’ve had by far. Hawks is all your dialogue polished up by a Marvel screenwriting team or what)

I appreciate Hawks’s efforts at combat banter, but all I keep thinking is that those pieces actually did look remarkably neat and uniform, and that it wouldn’t kill him to show a little appreciation for what was honest to god one of the most insane quirk feats we’ve seen to date

also, looking at this picture more closely, my disbelief is gonna need a little more suspending, because I honestly don’t feel like either of them should currently be able to fly the way they’re doing lol. Hawks’s wings are in a pretty sorry state at the moment

and here comes High Treason Noumu back at them again, and he’s grumbling “bird...” like he’s all pissy at Hawks

lol what is this

what the hell is this quirk. does he shoot air gun fists or something. and this other guy has all of his fingers fucking disconnected for no apparent reason. like, what the hell is that even gonna do besides gross people out

(ETA: and isn’t this Tokage’s quirk as well. getting lazy are we Horikoshi)

now High Score Noumu is doing something disturbing oh god

ffffffffff WHAT IS THIS. WHY DO WE HAVE TO LOOK AT A CLOSE UP OF IT

Endeavor’s hitting it with another fire blast. thanks man

and now he’s doing a mental tally of the thing’s quirks

and don’t forget “can fucking talk.” not to mention what I still think is the most intriguing one of all, “has Kurogiri’s fucking face”

oh and I guess this is a new one

fucking gross ew fuck sick gross ugh!! why are they so gooey sob

I don’t really understand what’s going on but Endeavor seems to have it all figured out, so here

okay so he wants to fight strong opponents like Endeavor so he made some disgusting clones to deal with the small fries I guess

-- hold up. that muscle amplification quirk... that looks and sounds a whole lot like Muscular’s, though

is it just coincidence? that this Noumu just so happens to be so strikingly similar to not one but two captured villains previously associated with the League?? just what in the hell is going on here dammit

meanwhile, as Endeavor observed, the Noumus that emerged from his body look completely different and appear to be just your everyday run-of-the-mill Noumus

just a little grosser is all

Hawks is swooping down and taking them out without much effort. looks like he’s gotten most of his feathers back too

he’s telling everyone to keep evacuating

and he says that to be frank, power struggles aren’t his “forte”

so he’s acknowledging that he doesn’t have the All Might Factor, so to speak? that even though he’s strong and popular, he’s not at that level of always beating the big bads no matter what?

you know, that actually makes some sense. I can maybe understand a little better just why he was bothering Endeavor so much. that is, if it weren’t for the fact that I STILL DON’T TRUST YOU, HAWKS, YOU SUSPICIOUS LITTLE SERAPH

High Speed Noumu is asking Endeavor if he’s done shooting those red hot little slice-and-dice death rays

oh snap this thing really is smart

it’s not just talking and thinking, it’s fucking analyzing. there’s some real brainpower at work in this thing

now Endeavor is talking about his quirk, and I’m just gonna post the panel because like hell am I gonna try to summarize this

he was thinking this a few panels earlier, too. that he’s got a lot of heat built up now

and now he’s thinking about Rei and his kids with their ice powers

fuck me but every single time I start wanting to root for Endeavor he’s gotta go and remind us of this, though

also!? fourth kid alert!?? and this kid seems to have white hair just like all the others, and seems to be younger than Natsuo in this shot. which would seem to go against the prevailing theory? explain yourself, manga

(ETA: lol and I got an ask about this just today. I gotta give this some thought. but I still think it’s Dabi! maybe Endeavor is just confused about what his non-Shouto children looks like because he spent so much time ignoring them all!)

so now Highlander Noumu is making a crazy face and extending his arms or muscle fibers or whatever the fuck these things are again, and saying he wants to test out his new power on Endeavor

shiiiiiit this does not look good

this doesn’t seem like the kind of move he can maintain for very long given what he was saying earlier

he’s shouting at the Noumu that he’ll incinerate him until there’s nothing left, and his regeneration won’t be enough

well this has worked before, to be fair. back in Hosu

but why do I get the feeling that isn’t going to be the case this time, though

lollllll

is this the literal translation. is there some other meaning of “prominence” other than “famous and well-known” that I’m not thinking of. I guess it can also mean “something that sticks out a lot”, but I don’t see how that would apply to this attack

basically, to me this reads as “Endeavor’s I-Wanna-Be-Famous Big Fire Attack”

and damned if that just doesn’t say it all, though

he’s thinking back to what he said at the JP Hero Billboard thing. “just watch me”

and that he won’t disgrace himself by failing here

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit

HE WAS SO CLOSE

THIS THING IS REALLY FUCKING HARDCORE OMG

OH MY GOD

you’re telling me that Endeavor’s attack actually worked, but that he wasn’t able to disintegrate the whole Noumu because HE FUCKING RIPPED HIS OWN FUCKING HEAD OFF AND FRISBEE-D IT TO SAFETY AHEAD OF TIME!?

OH SHIT

goddamn -- fucking --

DAMMIT. COME ON ENDEAVOR. DON’T FUCKING DIE, DUDE. FUCKING GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BEAT THIS HIGH FIVE NOUMU ALREADY, THE WORLD NEEDS YOU

ARE YOU SERIOUS

ARE YOU TELLING ME THE TWO OF THEM JUST HAPPENED TO BE WATCHING?? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, SHIT

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

motherfucker oh shit you guysssss

(ETA: how does he even still have that eye though)

you guys. oh shit. this is so bad. you don’t understand

shit. because let me tell you, the very first thing that ran through my head was that he’s going to look so much hotter now and fuck, you guys. I KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE THINKING RIGHT NOW. BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. noooo what the hell is wrong with me I feel like slapping myself lmao

I fucking started laughing in real life at my own absurd reaction. I am ruining the mood of this chapter so damn fast

nooooooo

the parallels, though. oh shit. the same eye

and did Shouto’s quirk activate just now?? are those flames on his left side? oh shit

okay I need to get myself under control. fucking stop this now. stop thinking about how much hotter Endeavor is going to be with a big ol’ slashy scar along the left side of his face. and maybe an eyepatch. oh god. no, stop

(ETA: I really thought there was going to be an eyepatch. how does he still have that eye)

and now we’re cutting back to U.A. and Aizawa is gently telling Eri he’s gonna take her back to his room and I can’t you guys. first Endeavor losing his fucking eye and now Aizawa being a loving, protective parent on two counts, because LOOK WHAT HE SAYS RIGHT AFTER

now All Might is gripping at his stomach wound nooooo

seems like every big hero has That Moment, huh

oh fuckkkkk

fuuuuuck, Endeavor. going for that hard knocks path to redemption, huh

but I fucking can’t, though, because I just keep picturing Horikoshi’s creative process. like, you fucking troll, though. goes and creates the worst character of all time (not literally, I’m just being dramatic here just let me have this) and does his absolute fucking best to make him as terrible as possible, and then challenges himself to redeem him nonetheless. “how can I make readers actually feel sympathy for Todoroki fucking Enji in spite of everything? oh I know I’ll take away everything he ever wanted and make him finally start to realize what was really important and have him finally start trying to be a better husband and father. and then I’ll fucking murder him”

and like, I really need to stop laughing at this chapter, though. I’m ruining it, I know. if it helps, it’s not mirthful laughter though! the best way I can describe it is “haunted house laughter.” like, this is how I react when I’m walking through any sort of haunted attraction, and I’m really tense and excited and on edge. my weird natural response is usually to start laughing, possibly as my brain’s way of psyching myself up to be brave and reminding myself that it’s not real and they’re only actors. I feel like that, for some reason. and I don’t know why, but it’s actually a very positive thing, because this is the first time in quite a while that I’ve gotten this excited about the manga, actually

so I’m sorry, Endeavor. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing because OH SHIT THIS IS GETTING GOOD and I’m really loving it. and also because Horikoshi has got some serious balls

(ETA: and because this is Kamino all over again. and I was fucking pumped. angst!! stakes!! tension!! there was just a ton of adrenaline all of a sudden and I didn’t really know what to do with it so my brain was like “well then let’s just do something really weird!”)

anyway, so we’re cutting back to Shouto and U.A., where Shouto is watching his dad die on live television

aaaaaand that’s the chapter end

my god. this went from “eh” to “epic” in like .06 seconds. is this the fight that anon was talking about a while back? because this was pretty damn good, I gotta say. fucking damn

Bring Me The Horizon - amo album review

I’ve been a fan of BMTH since the late-There is a hell era and obviously they surprised me once again. I’m gonna go song by song on the album because each of the songs have something in them that differs from the one before.

i apologize if you feel something, the first track is already a lot more different than the previous BMTH albums. It begins as a typical intro with long silences between the melody. Then Oli starts to sing on a really high pitched poppy autotuned voice. You can hear no instruments whatsoever except the synth that plays the melody. Then it changes to this ambient style that somehow suits the band’s music but feels awkward without the guitar and drums. When I first heard this song I already realized it was nothing special, just a little intro that might hype up the crowd before they start performing.

MANTRA, the first single of the album is a little less heavy than the That’s The Spirit era songs. A lot less heavy if you think about how Oli’s vocal style changed since 2015. It finally has drums and heavily distorted low tuned guitar and even screams in the background but it still feels like an alternative rock song just because of the verses and the high pitched bridge. The guitar riff is banging, the chorus is catchy, not a bad song afterall but it will still disappoint the old fans of the band.

nihilist blues is definitely the weirdest song on the record. It’s basically a trance/europop song that divides the listeners to two types: the first one would say: what the fuck is this shit, i’m not listening to this album anymore, and the second one would be: wow they’re brave as hell for doing this, I’m looking forward for the rest. I’m not a big expert on europop or trance or whatever electronic music genres there are but it really reminded me of an Armin van Buuren beat and apparently they copied a little from a relatively new Evanescence song as well. Grimes is featured in the song and her vocal style fits it really well. It has a creepy feeling that makes the song feel like you’re in a club full of drug addicts and the only thing left for you to survive is becoming an addict (for the music). Personally I think probably something like this was on the band’s mind when they wrote this. You definitely won’t like this one unless you like electronic music. You can hear the drums and guitars in it (they’re playing the electronic distorted thing with a tremolo pedal probably) but it’s barely recognizable.

in the dark, the next song has a really strange feeling. It sounds like a pop song because of the samples it uses but it still has the guitar (both clean and distorted) that reminded me of Doomed from the previous album. Both the guitars and the vocals are catchy as hell and after the first few listens you can hear what was the point of writing this song, here that “gateway band” thing begins that Oli mentions in a lot of his recent interviews. They want to be a gateway band that shows people the grand spectrum of music from electronic to heavy metal (or metalcore if you’re a genre-nazi) and do the same thing that Linkin Park or Limp Bizkit did for popularizing the crossover of rap and hip-hop and screamy, heavy rock music. It has the same experiencing feeling that got me into Linkin Park and even tho the song and its lyrics are kinda forgettable, the intention is clear and I personally like it a lot.

wonderful life, the second single of the album is without a doubt one of the heaviest ones on it. The intro seems like a classic BMTH style guitar intro with a little less distortion and a really weird, progressive time signature (for my ear at least). The main riff is simple, heavy and you can definitely bang you head to it. The chorus is catchy, the lyrics are relatable for the emo kids, it has a squealing scream from Dani Filth, which makes it seem like the metalcore days are creeping on the band. The outro chorus reminded me of their song ‘Oh No” from the previous record just because it’s so monumental but maybe that’s just me.

ouch is a cheap interlude in my opinion. It’s not even 2 minutes, the samples get boring in the end. It has a drum and bass kind of feeling to it. It reminded me of Cure For The Itch by Linkin Park, just because of the placement and the “drum” beats on it. The nanana thing that goes on in the chorus also gets boring really quickly. The lyrics are about Oli’s ex-wife Hannah Snowdon and it has a nice throwback to their 2015 song, Follow You with the “under your spell” lines, and it’s clear that he left that time behind with this song.

medicine, the song with the weird-ass video is the next one on the album. If you haven’t heard a single BMTH song in your life and you’re into the more pop-ish side of alternative you’ll probably say: holy shit this is a banger. The first couple of lines in the chorus are really far-fetched in my opinion, it’s the “we’re edgy and cool kids” vibe that is either cringy or makes you feel like the band got old and they still want to appeal to teenagers and young adults. The message of the song is the same as the previous one. The melody of the chorus and the vocals overall are not that bad, they’re catchy, but just like the intro of the album, it still misses the guitars, although this one has some really quiet clean guitars in the background. It’s clear that the vocals are in the focus and it’s stressed by shoving autotuned Oli’s voice down our throat.

sugar, honey, ice and tea is one of my favorites off the album without a doubt. The riff is heavy, the song still feels like an alternative rock song but this time the guitar tone for me seemed like an old HIM song that’s mixed with a That’s the spirit era beat, lyrics and melody. It has the same feeling when I heard Happy Song for the first time but this one has a Throne-like chorus with the samples going instead of Oli’s voice. In the outro Oli goes crazy and lets out Count Your Blessings-era styled screams which definitely help the song appeal to older fans. It’s gonna be played at concerts for sure.

why you gotta kick me when i’m down, oh boy where do i begin. Imagine Post Malone writing a song for a no name alternative rock band. Add overdistorted guitars and a mumble rap beat and lyrics. You’re done, you get this song. It shifts genres so fast that it seems like Oli went from ‘Lil Sykes’ and back to himself a couple times in just 4 minutes. It’s not a terrible song but if you don’t like the style of modern soundcloud rappers and the whole mumble rap mixed with guitars thing you’re gonna hate this one. 

fresh bruises, after the mumble rap song the boys in the band were probably like: hmmm what’s the next popular thing in 2019 that has nothing to do with rock. That’s right:”lo-fi hiphop for sleeping and studying” radios. The lyrics are only 2 lines, the beat gets faster but it’s still boring, even for an interlude. Definitely the most forgettable song in the album.

mother tongue, is the last single before the album came out. It’s the most honest love song from Oli that he’s probably ever gonna write. For personal reasons right now I can relate to it but if you can’t, you’re gonna forget this song even after a couple of listens. It has a powerful chorus, a radio friendly pop beat, cute ass lyrics and the most important thing: it has the potential to infect the radio stations and get the band even more recognition. The chord progression is really popular, (has the same chords as Africa by Toto), the vocals (with the help of autotune) are great. It has the Follow You vibes all over again but here you get an impression of a happy Oli Sykes that is in a fulfilling relationship and has a stable mental state. This progression is really respectable even if you don’t like the song itself.

heavy metal is my most favorite track from the record. It’s basically a huge “fuck you” to the oldest fans who only play Medusa and Pray for Plagues on repeat to this day, 13 years after their release. It’s got that middle finger in the lyrics that makes you think: damn this band really wanted a change and nothing can stop them. The song made me feel like Meteora days Linkin Park once again because of its beatbox styled bridge and the dropped, heavy guitars. This song shows the new direction of the band once and for all: they wanna make all types of music for both new AND old fans (listen to the last couple of seconds for the Pray for Plagues style vocals from Oli) but still says that nope we’re not gonna change, we grew up, we still like our old songs but you’re not gonna hear them from us because we’re different people now. Big props to the band to be this brave and say: this shit ain’t heavy metal.

i don’t know what to say, the last song on the record for me seemed really off topic from the album until I read what it’s written about. It’s about a friend of Oli who passed away from cancer. Oli didn’t write a song posthomously but the lyrics make it seem like he did. The song itself would sound like an 80′s power ballad from a classic rock band for me if I wouldn’t notice Oli’s vocals and the modern drum beat at some places. It even has a damned guitar solo, an acoustic guitar throughout, and orchestra. (which again reminded me Oh No, the closing track of That’s The Spirit) The song is forgettable for me, even though the message is really touching and meaningful. For a closing track it’s good but since it’s really different from the rest of the album it seems that they only put this song on just to honor that friend that it’s written about.

The album is one of the weirdest concepts I’ve heard from any rock band since A Thousand Suns by Linkin Park. The band put their heart and soul in it, you can tell by the level of production. On some songs it’s really well executed, others seem cheap and boring. My summary is that old BMTH is dead, they’re still gonna play rock music as they did with their previous records but they’re gonna expand and experiment to other directions, making it as progressive as possible just to keep the music entertaining.

Oh Fuck I’m TV Troping: A Short & Incomplete List of Bad Girls

Since that whole post about Bad Girls and Compassionate Male Heroes kinda blew up and the discussion just... isn’t stopping, I’ve been thinking of this trope a lot and uh, I guess I’m gonna list a bunch of examples of it since I’ve kinda been doing it already and it’d be nice to have them all in one spot I guess.  Gonna put a cut because even though I don’t want to make a huge list, I still think this is gonna be long.

4 Tried and True Bad Girls -  the following fit the archetype as I roughly defined it here pretty much to the letter.  Of course, the thing about archetypes and tropes is that you don’t have to hit every single detail to still “count,” but it’s good to have a baseline.

Jessie

A member of an international crime syndicate, a notorious thief, and a recurring antagonist for the hero, Jessie from Pokemon is an excellent example of the Bad Girl trope because if you remove female pronouns while describing her, she basically fits the stock Bad Boy traits to a T.  Aggressive and arrogant?  Check.  Prone to violent outbursts?  Check.  Intensely jealous of people who seem to have it easier?  Check.  Hidden tender side and tragic backstory?  Check.  Also she’s one half of the greatest romantic couple ever portrayed in fiction - and her counterpart is a compassionate, sweet-natured guy to boot!

Ryoko

I’m not going to fill this up with anime examples (though I probably could - Bad Girls are much more common in Japanese media), but I couldn’t resist including Ryoko, because she’s not just a Bad Girl - she’s a PIRATE, which, if my grandma’s collection of romance novels was anything to go by, is an incredibly popular occupation for a Bad Boy to have!  More than that, she’s a space pirate, the plunderer of countless worlds, wanted by the space police force and considered a villain of legendary power.  More than that, she can wield store brand lightsabers, shoot lasers out of her hands, and even spent a good chunk of time as a mummy!  Ryoko’s personality is pure Dashing Rogue, the Bad Boy Girl who’s definitely a scoundrel but, maybe, just maybe, the kind of scoundrel who’s got a good heart.  She definitely pines for love and an amount of stability, though she doesn’t want to stop traveling the stars as a boozing adventurer who gets into the most ludicrous scrapes.  Everything about Ryoko plays up the ideas of a Bad Boy romance with the flair for drama and fantasy that a space opera can provide, except the Bad Boy is a girl and the sweet ingenue heroine is a boy.

Ryoko is who you wish Jack Sparrow would be.

Faith

Faith was introduced as a second Slayer in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which was the result of magical shenanigans that suddenly rendered the whole “there can only be one slayer at a time” rule kinda moot.  Ok that’s an extremely abbreviated summary and it’s really more complicated than that but I can already feel the non-Buffy fans falling asleep so let’s stay focused.

Since Buffy is, y’know, the main character, Faith was brought on to be her foil - an example of what Buffy wasn’t, but possibly could become.  And since BtVS was a horror dramedy, Faith wasn’t a GOOD alternative - she was, explicitly, Buffy’s dark counterpart, from her brunette hair to her heavy and darker makeup to her rad leather jacket and, as the show frequently said, “slutty” wardrobe.  Faith was more violent, more sexual, and more apathetic to others than Buffy was, and holy fuck did the show just hate her for it.  Almost every character in it treated her like shit, with her sexuality in particular being a sticking point for many of them.

Faith is particularly interesting because she differs from Buffy (and the female cast at large) in almost the exact same ways that the show’s main Bad Boys, Angel and Spike, differed from its male characters - more violent, more sexual, darker clothes, etc.  But while Angel and Spike get a great deal of sympathy from the narrative, Faith... didn’t.  I mean they kinda sorta gave her some eventually, but most of it played out in the spinoff Angel, and the other characters continued to hold a grudge against her.  Faith isn’t just an good example of the Bad Girl trope - she’s an example of how the reaction to Bad Girls differs from the reaction to Bad Boys, despite them being almost exactly the same.

Vriska Serket

OH FUCK IT’S HOMESTUCK

Ok, everyone still hates Homestuck, so I won’t belabor this point, but Vriska Serket, who is infamously the most divisive character in the entire story, is absolutely a bad girl.  Arrogant, ruthless, abrasive, with a tragic backstory, a desire for both compassion and redemption, and a truly ambitious schemer, she ticks so many boxes and OH SHIT SHE’S ALSO A PIRATE.  Like Faith, Vriska was in a story that had a lot of examples of Bad Boys too, and while the fandom fucking HATES Vriska, her Bad Boy counterparts are nowhere near as divisive, with one of them being extremely popular despite being a clown who murders people.  The other one explicitly wants to commit genocide, literally saying almost exactly that, and is also far more well liked.  WHY IS THIS?

But enough of the homestucks!  Let’s move onto some...

Borderline Bad Girls - these ladies don’t fit the trope quite as neatly, but I still think they capture the jist, or at least used it as a base before experimenting in different directions.  They are, at the very least, closer to the Bad Girl archetype than its sibling tropes, the Badass Heroine and the Femme Fatale.

Jessica Jones

I’m just gonna talk about the Netflix incarnation of this character, as I have not read the comic books featuring Jessica Jones and thus cannot comment on them.

The only real strike against Jessica Jones is that she isn’t a supporting cast member, like pretty much all other Bad Girls are.  She’s the protagonist, the titular main character.  That’s a unique honor for a Bad Girl to have!  Otherwise, she fits - hard drinking, abrasive, rude, surly as hell, but with a tender heart, a tragic backstory, and a desire for redemption.  Hell she’s even wearing the Bad Girl leather jacket.

Morrigan

Ok, we’re straying a bit far here, but I’m going to try to make a case here.  Morrigan’s rudeness and abrasiveness isn’t quite as bombastic as the standard take on the Bad Girl trope - she actually phrases things very politely and speaks very softly most of the time, and is generally cordial to people when they are cordial to her.  It’s the content of what she says, rather than the way she says it, that sets most people off.  There’s also an odd naivety to Morrigan’s interactions that isn’t immediately noticeable because her vocabulary is so, well, verbose.  She doesn’t make the “ill tempered thug” impression most Bad Girls make when they’re first introduced - she instead comes off as very sophisticated yet oddly ignorant of the civilized world, which is a very different starting point for a Bad Girl.

BUT!  Morrigan’s character arc follows the rough path of a Bad Girl.  She verbalizes a lot of callous and cruel ideas about the world when you first meet her, giving the impression that she is some sort of sadistic monster.  It’s done in a very different way than the standard Bad Boy/Bad Girl, but it has the same effect - you are led to think this girl is a Bad Person very early on.  And yes, to some extent she is - but, just like any other Bad Boy/Bad Girl, her actions later on show that’s not all there is to her, that, even if she isn’t aware of it, there is a loving core to Morrigan - she wants to be good.

Like most Bad Boys/Bad Girls, it’s eventually revealed that Morrigan’s childhood situation was NOT GREAT, and that she has been the victim of abuse and some very bad parenting.  A great deal of her wickedness isn’t inherent to her, but something she was indoctrinated into - and, in TRUE Bad Boy/Bad Girl fashion, love, especially romantic love, makes her doubt her view of the world.  It begins to break apart, and she gradually learns, to her confusion, horror, and eventually, hope, that there is another way to live - a better, kinder way.

One might argue that Morrigan doesn’t fit the Bad Girl trope, but another villainous female archetype instead.  For instance, one might say she is instead a Femme Fatale, since she dresses all sexy like and whatnot - but Morrigan doesn’t really seduce people all that often in the narrative.  Early on in the first Dragon Age game you have an option to ask her to seduce a guard, and Morrigan not only reacts in disgust, but instead horrifies the guard into letting you by instead (because Morrigan is great).  The only time she does seduce someone is specifically to keep the main characters from an otherwise inevitable death via a dark magic ritual - and yes it does feel ridiculous to type that out, but 1. it makes more sense in context and 2. I think the ridiculous circumstances of this seduction kinda illustrates why it’s not really a core character trait of hers, which is why she doesn’t fit the Femme Fatale mold.  Likewise, while one could say she fits the idea of a Vain Sorceress... well, other than being pretty and using magic, Morrigian really doesn’t.  She’s not motivated by preserving her youth, and doesn’t really seem to care much for traditional beauty standards at all if her conversation with Leliana is anything to go by (though she does meet them anyway because, well, Video Games).  Morrigan doesn’t really fit any villainous female archetype perfectly, but if we accept her as a Bad Girl, she makes for a particularly interesting example.

Hexadecimal

Straying further!  Like Morrigan, one might be tempted to put Hexadecimal in the Vain Sorceress or Femme Fatale archetypes instead, but again, like Morrigan, she really doesn’t act like either of those two despite being a sexy lady who uses magic for villainous ends.  Instead she’s defined by being the sort of superhero/action adventure cartoon variety of “crazy,” which isn’t based on any real mental illness, but rather an excuse for her to cause a lot of mayhem for no real reason.  Unlike most “crazy” villains, though, Hex’s insanity is treated with sympathy by the narrative and the main hero - while most people would be willing to write Hex off as someone they’d rather live without, Bob, the hero, continually tries to reason with her and help her overcome her madness.

Most people wrote her off as a lost cause, but the hero showed her compassion.  There’s smackings of a Bad Boy in that.

As the show goes on, Bob’s compassion for Hexadecimal is repaid with her own affection, and she slowly turns from villain to hero out of a desire to not only keep Bob safe, but make sure he’s happy - and she comes to realize he can’t be happy without the people he loves.  Hex becomes a truly tragic and noble character towards the end of the show, as she knows Bob will never reciprocate her romantic affections but still remains on his side anyway, even saving the lives of people who argued against saving her.  A villain who seems like a frothing mad dog, only to be turned into a hero after the compassion of a hero makes them realize the value of human life?  That’s is SUCH a Bad Boy arc.  Hexadecimal may not fit some of the aesthetic trappings of the Bad Girl archetype, but her arc fits it perfectly.

Harley Quinn

When she was first introduced, Harley Quinn wasn’t a Bad Girl so much as she was, like, the perky love interest of a bad guy.  She wasn’t given enough focus and agency in the narrative to really fit the Bad Girl archetype.  However, in recent years she’s been retooled a bit to work independently of the character she was designed to orbit, and as a result she may be our second example of a Bad Girl protagonist.  She’s a supervillain, or at least was, and was in league with one of the worst at that.  She’s loud and aggressive in combat, has a big bombastic personality, and revels in living an anarchic lifestyle.  But, as her solo series shows, she does have a good heart deep down, adopting stray dogs and helping out fellow weirdos who have been left behind by a world that doesn’t give a damn about them.  Harley Quinn is and has always been defined by her desire to be loved, which is very much a Bad Girl sort of trait - especially since that desire often leads to her acting out, just as most Bad Boys and Bad Girls act out because, ultimately, they haven’t been shown enough love.

Plus a lot of her modern designs add a leather jacket, and it just seems that once a girl wears a leather jacket she has at least a 70% chance of being a Bad Girl.

Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee

I had no idea where to put these ladies and whether or not they fit this archetype, but I felt they had to be noted because they’re very well known examples of complicated female villains who don’t fit the Femme Fatale archetype at all, which in turn makes them feel like pretty good candidates for Bad Girl-dom.  Azula probably fits the archetype the closest, though you don’t see her desire for compassion until VERY late in the series (where she is, sadly, too far gone to get her redemption).  Mai comes in close second, though her sullen demeanor oddly fits the Badass Heroine a bit better.  And then Ty Lee... Ty Lee... I mean she’s like an even sweeter and kinder Harley Quinn, she hardly even counts as a villain except she works with the bad guys... I don’t know what we do with Ty Lee, guys.  Ty Lee’s just her own thing.